#but it was never dean. it was always mary. but mary is long dead etc etc

[mlobsters]

supernatural s14e20 moriah (w. andrew dabb)

dads fighting over killing their kid, sammy stressed. what a world

(jfc when jdm/john is talking in the recap i'm like godDAMN whose voice is he reminding of - oh right, i talked about this already when watching that very episode -_- good voice 10/10 both actors)

i wonder how far back it goes that they showed people getting their heads chopped off to the line "Lay your weary head to rest" in carry on my wayward song because i remember this song used to hit me in the feelings way back when (mentioned it still working for me in 6x22 at least.) anyway, i am also very literal with song lyrics and my little fanvids so i can't really criticize but tone 🤌

CASTIEL You should never have tried to lock him away. DEAN You know what? You're right. I never wanted to put him in that damn box. I wanted him dead. CASTIEL Dean. DEAN He's dangerous, Cas, and you knew it! You've known it for a long time! But that's okay. You know why? Because me and Sam, we've killed just about everything there is. And this -- Jack -- oh, we'll find a way. Because he's just another monster. CASTIEL You don't mean that. DEAN The hell I don't.

sigh, this is frustrating! but we gotta have conflict somewhere right, so dean's taking out is hurt and grief over mary on jack, making choices that are making jack worse. and now hellbent on killing him without taking any time to try to work the problem in another way

DEAN I don't know. Maybe we call Rowena, see if she can put together one of those, um, "soul bombs." SAM The...thing you were gonna use against the Darkness? DEAN Yeah, might actually put a dent in the kid. SAM Okay. (quietly) DEAN Sam, I know this isn't easy, okay? He -- I know how much he meant to you. He meant a lot to me. He was family. But this? This is not Jack anymore. He's hurting, he's killing people. This isn't gonna be easy, but we're gonna have to do the hard thing. We're gonna have to do the ugly thing. Ain't like it's the first time, though, right?

was he raring to kills cas when he killed all those people and angels when fake god juiced up on souls?

apparently yes! clearly forgot about that

wiki summary excerpt from 7x01 The ritual is successful, and Death appears, bound. He thinks that he has been summoned regarding Sam's hallucinations, and Dean looks to Sam, surprised by the news. Death asserts that he can't help Sam (there's only "one wall per customer"), and Dean tells him instead that they want him to kill Castiel. Before they can convince him, though, Castiel appears. He threatens to kill them all, but Dean reminds him that Death is under their control. It appears that they are at a stalemate.

ok, so is this truth spell business from jack everywhere? fic premise-y. and mirror universe for the company name, okay.

SAM You. Come on, man. You're always calling me a geek, but you know every word to every Led Zeppelin song -- backwards and forwards -- you can discuss in detail every major rock drummer between '67 and '84, and... you watch "Jeopardy!" every night.

not to mention nerding out over horror films, cars, etc etc. we are all but nerds in our own special ways

like, we're really going for truth spell gags here? what'd i say about tone? lol

well. stapler queen is cute

pretty place to film and nice shot. didn't expect chuck but knew he had to come around eventually. i do really enjoy rob benedict though. he's so good at being that chill aw shucks persona that chuck usually is. like hey what a nice smile, good to see him! wait, he's the absent-est of fathers and lets the world nearly implode on a regular basis

DEAN Yeah, guess your life isn't so perfect after all, EightPackMommy. SAM What? DEAN Yeah, she's got this blog. Yeah, you know what? Your kids aren't that cute. And that gluten-free popover looks like crap because there's no gluten in it. You know what I mean? I'll stop talking. SAM Probably a good plan.

hope we get better truth spell anecdotes than dean follows a mommy blogger (nope.) also are we really supposed to just take on this info that sam's favorite singer is actually celine dion? :p

cathartic until god yells at you

CHUCK Okay, look. I get it. All right, I'm from the deus from the machina, and you have questions.

all very twee

CHUCK: Listen, you guys know me. I'm hands-off. I built the sandbox -- you play in it. You want to fight Leviathans? Cool. You got that. You want to go up against -- what was it? -- the "British Men of Letters"? Okay. Little weak, but okay. But when things get really bad, like the Apocalypse or the Other Apocalypse, that's when I have to step in.

i will always appreciate a roast of the bmol plotline

SAM So you're saying Jack is Apocalyptic? CHUCK The kid said, "Stop lying," and I don't know if you noticed, but the world kinda went insane.

the whole crazy powered up nephilim actually equates to god powers, sure

lol what. the colt 2.0 but actually kills anything

CHUCK So, this doesn't so much fire bullets as it sends a wave of multi-dimensional energy across a perfectly balanced quantum link between whoever's shooting it and whoever they're shooting at.

this is giving very crack treated seriously (or just plain crack) vibes

CHUCK Uh, whatever happens to the person you're aiming at also happens to you. So you kill him... DEAN You die.

🙄okay.

CAS I don't understand why we're talking about killing Jack. Y-You can fix him. You can --You can restore his soul. That's why I called you. CHUCK Yeah, not so much. SAM You're God. CHUCK Well, souls are complicated -- even for me. Besides, even if I could, would you really want -- I mean, after what he did? CASTIEL Then we bind him. We throw him in the Cage until -- DEAN Stop, Cas. You heard him. This is the only way. CAS And Billie said the only way to defeat Michael was to lock you in a box. CHUCK Ugh. Billie. I liked the old Death better. He was all about fried pickles and tickle porn. This new Death -- she's always sticking her scythe where it doesn't belong. CAS There has to be another way. DEAN Well, there's not. Now, I know you don't like it, and I don't really care. 'Cause you just heard it from God Himself that this is the only thing that can kill Jack, so either get on board, or walk away.

i think part of why i'm finally warming up to cas is him consistently caring about someone - like, willing to go to the mat with anyone for jack. and there's less of this bumbling clueless angel schtick periodically thrown in.

and something again i don't like is when anyone does this shut up there's no other way it's my way or the highway business. i feel like i talked about this before... maybe with the soul bomb business? and probably the box too? rushing into deadly action that can't be walked back with almost no information. which i compared to agonizing over how to deal with lucifer all season in s5 and finally accepting sam going into the cage was the only viable option left. there's just so many plot beats and so much going on at one time. and then dean rushes into shit and i'm just like STOP BREATHE WAIT.

hopefully not plot relevant flask filling, unlike last time we saw him do it (that i recall) in 7x18

music (lennertz and wynn) at the beginning reminds me a bit of hannibal bloodfest again, the muted version that was in 14x08 when jack had died from the heavenly tuberculosis

glad sam is standing up to dean's willingness to again sacrifice himself at the drop of a hat and point out they haven't even tried to fix anything, just rushing into these awful solutions. and pointing out that they got themselves into this situation in the first place by bringing jack back. (and hey, maybe consider chuck's motivations in all this)

not a great hug but way less creepy than hugging soulless sam at least. glad he didn't actually kill his grandmother and has calmed down a bit and acknowledged he's not feeling anything anymore

CHUCK No. Sam... you and your brother, of all the Sams and Deans in all the multiverse, you're my favorite. You're just so interesting. I mean, like that thing that happened at the office earlier today -- that was crazy, right? SAM Do you watch us? When you're not here, are -- are you... watching us? CHUCK Yeah. I mean, you're my favorite show.

creeper asshole. what new way can we make them suffer today

SAM Wait a second. Why, when the chips are down, when the world is -- is failing, why does it always have to be on us?! CHUCK Because you're my guys.

good to see sam yelling at chuck about it.

sigh

like this really is soul bomb 2.0 (i was not a fan). some half cocked plan with new random made up weapon that gets introduced mid episode in the season finale that will result in dean dying to kill some almost-impossible to kill god type entity. not making me cry this time, bitches

padalecki got to phoebe-run through the park yelling for dean for an extended period of time, that was something

CHUCK This isn't how the story is supposed to end. CAS The story? CHUCK Lookit, the -- the -- the gathering storm, the gun, the -- the father killing his own son. This is Abraham and Isaac. This is epic! DEAN Wait. What are you saying? SAM He's saying he's been playing us. This whole time. CHUCK Come on. SAM Our entire lives. Mom, Dad -- everything. This is all you because you wrote it all, right? Because -- Because what? Because we're your favorite show? Because we're part of your story? CHUCK Okay, Dean, no offense, but your brother is stupid and crazy. And that kid is still dangerous. So pick up the gun. Pick it up... pull the trigger... and I'll bring her back. Your mom. DEAN No. My mom was my hero. And I miss her, and I will miss her every second of my life, but she would not want this. And it's not like you even really care. 'Cause Sam's right. The Apocalypse, the first go-around, with Lucifer and Michael -- you knew everything that was going on, so why the games, Chuck, huh? Why don't You just snap your fingers and end it?! CHUCK Look, I -- SAM And every other bad thing we've been killing, been dying over -- where were you? Just sitting back and watching us suffer so we can do this over and over and over again -- fighting, losing people we love? When does it end? Tell me. CHUCK Dean, don't do this. DEAN No, we're done talking. 'Cause this -- this isn't just a story. It's our lives! So God or no God, you go to hell.

it feels kind of bonkers that they're just now getting clued into the conceit that all the suffering and misery and death they've been through has been at chuck's direction

surely the god-killing gun doesn't actually work on chuck. there's been a couple weird cuts for ads in the past season or two - where they repeat some action/dialogue after a cut for an ad. which is so weird, they never did that before.

looks like the bandana dean was using for sam's woulda-been-fatal head wound few episodes ago

spn 14x17

so jack's in the empty... and billie is there. okaayyy

resurrecting all the monsters they killed or whatever this is, sure. an extremely long shot of shambling zombies. did they need to kill time (i thought the cut to billie was the end of the episode and almost just skipped the last several minutes 🥴)

one season left to go. makes me think about how jared and jensen periodically talk about reviving the show but like. The Show was so out of ideas and things just got more and more convoluted and outlandish, what is there even left to do? other than some timeline reset but when they're older. or like apparently the winchesters, whole new au.

and despite how critical i am of the show, i'm still invested and care about sam and dean. so i'd watch whatever sam and dean show they might make. but i'm still gonna be critical :p i have avoided reading other people's opinions on any of the show i haven't seen so whatever criticism i'm spewing out is just my reaction as i watch

#supernatural #spnwatch #spn 14x20 #spn clip #spn musical score #spn bloodfest-ish #christopher lennertz #tim wynn

[shallowseeker]

Dean wants what he can never have...so what's stopping him?

A consideration of Pamela as specter of Guilt in Rocky's roadhouse, SPN 14x10

At first glance, Rocky's bar has got everything: lots of family beer and cheeky references to Dean's pop culture, family, members, and friends.

So, why then, is Rocky's bar so anemic? It's a long way from the swing-for-the-moon El Sol type of contentment shown in Dean's prior djinn dreams. It feels peppy and hopeful through its decoration alone...but in actuality, it feels lonely, scared, and sad.

Dean is a social animal, and this is a bar devoid of people except for a dead psychic, a shady real estate developer, and a handful of enemies. There are no customers.

This Michael is clever. Dean, unlike other soldier-coded characters in SPN, is usually very attuned to knowing "what's real." (Families! People!) He has not fallen prey to frank nihilism or despair as often as other characters, at least not in that existential, what-is-real way. (Usually, his despair is about saving loved ones, or the horror of loss and abandonment.) This time, Dean is broken. Michael crows in triumph 14x09:

MICHAEL DEAN: So I left but not without leaving the door open just a crack.

CASTIEL: Why wait?

MICHAEL DEAN: To break him, to crush and disappoint him so completely that, this time, he'll be nice and quiet for a change -- buried. And he is. He's gone. [ Takes a drink of whiskey ] And now I have a whole army out there, waiting, ready for my command, ready for this. [ Michael Dean’s fingers prepare to snap ]

That explains Michael's choice of illusion here, and it foreshadows the nihilism and break with reality that Dean will experience in seasons 14 & 15. ("His life's work, a hoax.")

Dean is about to lose sight of the meaning of his life and will be set up to bear the ultimate disillusioned-soldier's burden: he will be unable to determine what's real.

Sam and Cas have already gone through this,. In fact, most soldier-coded side characters have consistently experienced this: Bobby, Charlie (not soldier-coded but grief-coded for sure), Benny, Mary, AU!Charlie, etc.

Arguably, Dean has broken with reality only a handful of times, but not to same severity and not with the same level of disillusionment as compared to someone like Cas, who was faced with both moral injury from his superiors in Heaven and a complete psychotic break.

///

Dean's heartbreaking self awareness

I think Dean's actually a pretty astute guy, and when you look past all the smack-talk and the witty one-liners, he's one of the best at reading people. Whereas Sam can at times sound like he's reading from a psychology how-to pamphlet, Dean often more easily navigates when to push and when not to push with strangers. He'll talk down on their level, too, which helps to keep it from coming off too scripted or condescending.

An example is 13x05 Nightmare Logic: Dean starts off quippy to a grieving Sasha, but he quickly builds rapport with her by being present in the moment and not trying too hard to psychoanalyze her. When Sasha says she isn't up for a heart-to-heart, he doesn't shame her. He says Okay. He show similar intuition with Claire Novak.

Emotional intuition aside, Dean's too much inside his own head a lot, too. And his fear of abandonment is crippling. If his rapid-fire speech pattern is anything to go by, I imagine Dean's mind is an equally rapid-fire flurry of intrusive thoughts. I wouldn't be surprised if he's prone to rumination.

His self reflection is a torment. We see this in early seasons and especially in 3x10 Dream a Little Dream of Me, when he meets his dark doppelganger.

And, of course, Dean feels guilty. He feels like everything is his fault because he was the primary "rock" of his family for so long. Sam is his brother but also his child, so he can't quite relate to him normally or always accept Sam's attempts to reach out to him. Furthermore, Sam tends to push when he cares, and Dean doesn't always take kindly to being pushed:

SAM: Dean, like it or not, the stuff you don't talk about doesn't just go away. It builds up, like whatever's eating at you right now.

DEAN: There's always something eating at me. That's who I am. Something happens, I feel responsible, all right? The Lindbergh baby – that's on me. Unemployment – my bad.

Dean often turns to alcohol to deaden the absolute tempest he's got inside. I feel like Dean might not be as robust as Sam is at frank compartmentalization.

///

An endless loop of status quo + threat

Dean has very rarely "completely checked out of the fight." In the dream world of Rocky's Bar, Dean has retired Baby, but there's still a horrible storm raging outside. Interestingly, Dean doesn't actually go out in the storm in 14x10; Pamela does. Her recounting of the outing feels stressful, like people are panic buying in preparation for an approaching disaster:

PAMELA: Everybody's shopping at the store like it's the End Days. The milk and bread aisles were a war zone. But I battled through it all for your stupid bag of limes.

Dean is no longer one who braves the storm; so, he's trying to be a shelter from the storm. He's checked out of the fight.

Dean's mind resolves the need to face the storm by mentally assuring himself that the burden of hunting is shouldered by trusted, competent, strong family members: Sam and Cas. Dean wants to be a safe harbor, but he's also hiding from the storm and drowning himself in booze (his preferred coping mechanism). Here, the beer isn't completely celebratory; it's replacement of people and the deadening of emotions. Michael is still drowning him. There's no Mary or Jack to be seen. It's the stasis of being useful, of being available as safe harbor but keeping everyone at arm's length. It's a bare bones kind of happiness.

Meanwhile, Dean and Pamela fight vampires in an endless loop. This shows that, outside of hunting, Dean struggles to have confidence and meaning in his life. He crows that he's famous:

PAMELA (wiping Deans face) Worst part of working here is having to clean up the blood after some pissed-off monster busts in to kill you.

DEAN (smirking) Well, what can I say? I'm famous.

It reminds me of the distraught high-schooler Dean, insisting loudly that he's a hero in After School Special.

The negative reading is that Dean in Rocky's Bar is checking out; it's a bit similar to Cas in season 7; he also wanted play support and let his trusted companions handle things. The root of it is the shame and crushing disappointment that Dean suffered when he choked during Michael fight. Dean was the weakest link. He failed.

And so, now we find him, happily fighting on the sidelines here, serving as Ellen Harvelle 2.0 with his own Roadhouse. (It's like Sam with Amelia in season 8; it COULD be a good thing if it wasn't representing Sam primarily checking out of his duty to Kevin. The same way Cas hunting in Hunter Heroici COULD be a good thing, if Cas wasn't primarily doing it to escape the consequences of his Heaven genocide. As usual, it's all about the balance, at least in the world of SPN.) Indeed, most of the new side relationships and new roles in season 8 are idealized, fantasy-esque ones, without the baggage characteristic of real-life relationships/jobs. That's on purpose. Season 8 is all about fantasy escapism-idealization, which is what gives it its dreamy, "is it even real?" quality.

On a positive reading, Dean has his own business, and he's putting his own stamp on the family business.

Interestingly, even this dream is under threat...from a shady real estate developer. 14x10:

WOMAN: (looking around the bar) Rocky's looks pretty dead. It's a very generous offer.

DEAN: Well, all the same, this bar? I've never had anything this nice. So that sale that you want so bad, well, it's just not gonna happen.

Only small amounts of happiness can be allowed, and this threat to happiness must exist to make even that small amount seem believable.

///

The Pamela of it all

Is the appearance of Pamela related to Cas? I think Yes. But not in the way you might be thinking. She's definitely complex:

CASTIEL You're just a complex manifestation of Dean's memories designed to distract him.

PAMELA You really know how to talk to a lady, don't ya?

I think her set-dressing, sexual symbolism, and stand-in for potential repression have been discussed to death, so I wanna focus instead on what I think the crux of the issue is: her presence as Guilt. See, it's clear from her words that Pamela knows that *Dean* knows what he wants.

On the surface, she's easy company, requires no explanations, and Dean can flirt with her, despite her not being "what he wants." She understands that, and she won't get the wrong idea. The part most people key into is that, she, Dean's subconscious, she chides him that he "always wants what he can't have."

But what can't he have? Peace. Why can't he have it? Well, lots of reasons. But chief among them is that he doesn't deserve it.

So, Pamela. Why Pamela, specifically?

One, this is what keeps Dean up at night: it's the people he couldn't save. He alludes to this rumination all throughout the series. So, of course, he thinks about Pamela. And Pamela was heartbreakingly angry when she died:

PAMELA: Yeah, I don't. I told you I didn't want anything to do with this. Do me a favor? Tell that bastard Bobby Singer—to go to hell for ever introducing me to you two in the first place.

Two, her blindness is because of what first connected Dean to Castiel. Therefore, Pamela is a reminder of the awful fact that one of Dean's cornerstones of happiness (Cas) came to him through great trauma and evil circumstances, kind of like a Leviathan blossom out of a corpse.

But to Dean, having happiness at the expense of others would make him "like a vampire," leeching life and happiness from the living, and that's uncomfortable. Because of Dean going to Hell and being resurrected, Pamela was pulled into this mess, lost her sight, and died. Cas burned her eyes out, something Cas is also horrified to revisit:

DEAN (looks at Pamela, whose eyes are now pure white) You're blind?

PAMELA Yeah, I've been blind for a while. Thank Feathers here for that one.

CASTIEL That was -- Dean, that was an accident.

Subconsciously, this was on Dean's mind, even before he remembered her blindness. But who is blind to what?

I think there are two layers to this. The first layer is that Dean cannot easily resolve being glad that Cas is in his life with the fact that Cas being in his life cost so much in the first place. The second layer is that Dean has experienced the trauma of being vessel now, and that not only re-contextualizes the horror of Sam and Cas's internal battles with Lucifer, it recontextualizes Cas and the Novaks. Dean was already thinking about these things in the previous episode, The Spear 14x09:

DEAN: [ Stopping Cas ] Listen to me. Michael conned me. Kept me trapped and drowning inside my own body. Now, when you and Sam were possessed by Lucifer, I -- I thought I understood, but I didn't, not really. So, yeah, if we get a chance to trap him, I'll take that, but I won't be truly happy until he is dead and I kill him.

Here, Dean is completely sidestepping the fact that Cas also possessed vessels, possibly all throughout his long life, forcing humans into submission and completely dominating them.

But Dean's subconscious isn't sidestepping it.

Loving Cas often makes Dean willfully blind to what he was, because Dean loves the person Cas has become. That's still a hugely burdensome cosmic horror, and it's been cast into a fresh light.

It's something that Cas struggles with, too, of course. (Indeed, in season 15, that's what the specter of Belphegor is all about; thus the "wearing him like a coat" line. Body snatching and angelic brutality are incredibly underestimated components of Cas's self-loathing. (Even the Empty calls them out in all of The Big Empty scripts.)

From 10x09:

CLAIRE: Why? Like you don’t have it coming? You stood there while this monster took my dad. [She puts the gun down, then turns to Cas.] I used to pray to you, Castiel. Every night. I would beg you to bring him home safe.

CASTIEL: I know.

CLAIRE: You know … My father was a good man. In what messed up world does he have to die and you get to live?

CASTIEL: I’m sorry.

CLAIRE: No. You feel guilty. There’s a difference.

///

From 14x02:

NICK: Castiel, you’re just a stone cold body snatcher. You’re no different than Lucifer.

CAS: I...I need to look in on Jack. [CAS walks past NICK, but stops before he gets to the door] You know, in all my thousands of years, what happened to Jimmy Novak and his family are my greatest regret.

///

I don't deserve to be happy

People struggle to accept their lives when they feel they've committed too many evils to be worthy of actually living it. (Like, that's the whole APPEAL of religion for a lot of folks, you know?) Some people set out to do penance or self-punish. But when does noble penance go too far? How much pain and self-flagellation absolves you of sin?

AMARA: I wanted you to see that the real, complicated Mary was better than your childhood dream because she was real. That now is always better than then. That you could finally start to accept your life. I thought having her back would release you, put that fire out. Your anger.

At the point in the story that Amara says this, she is mostly reacting to Dean's anger and nihilism at being cheated in life, but she has a fair point about accepting your life. (Dean swings wildly in season 15, going from the his more typical early-seasons, "I don't deserve a life, but what I do has meaning," to an embittered "I deserved a better life than this, and nothing matters, not even family, not even saving people; it's all rigged!"

///

For Dean and Cas, I feel like Guilt is largely what the "something I can never have" stems from. It's the deep shame at the idea of being happy, of being selfish, at the expense of the more-deserving others. It's also about being bad luck--about being poison.

Cas shields himself from the weight of his guilt by appearing to be motivated by altruism. He likes to appear as if he's adhering to duty, something that Lucifer and Metatron are both shown to be absolutely bitter with him about. It's also why Jack was Cas's perfect raison d'état to feel good about staying on the earth and existing within a human family. It's more than that, too, but a huge attraction to the idea is exactly that.

From 10x10:

CASTIEL: This isn’t about me.

METATRON: (sarcastically) Of course not. The great Castiel never stoops to such selfishness.

///

Dean's self-worth is so abysmally low, I could chunk out a bunch of examples.

From 3x10:

DREAM DEAN: Dad knew who you really were. A good soldier and nothing else. Daddy's blunt little instrument. (angry) Your own father didn't care whether you lived or died. Why should you?

Nevertheless, throughout the series, Dean is incredibly in tune with his inner emotions. He has mini-crises about what he's willing to do for family, he quotes existential literature, he gives everything for his little brother even when it lurches into parental-authoritarian nightmare. He genuinely checks in on his suicidal war companions, and he showers Charlie and Claire with affection.

He was mentally prepared to say "I love you" to Cas in season 7. He creates a mixtape for him in season 12. He was originally drafted as telling Cas, "You're more than a weapon," in Good Intentions 13x14. He comforted Jack about his nightmares, and in Game Night 14x17 was at first super relieved that Jack was safe, "because he was safe with Mary (from Nick)."

Fuckups aside, I think we shouldn't underestimate Dean's amount of "sitting with the emotions in the dark of the night" type of introspection. I'd wager Dean still thinks about how he is only alive because John is dead. He still thinks about Layla and what happened in Faith--about taking another's heart to live. He even thinks about Adam, but he also feels powerless about a lot of these things.

I 100% think it's possible that Dean was suspicious of Chuck AND Chuck's entire family in season 15. Internally, it was a push-pull war of "Cas and Jack are family," and "Cas and Jack are Chuck's family...is he messing with me? Are they messing with me?"

///

How dare you fall in love when so much bad had to happen for you to even meet

(In a kinder world, you'd have NEVER met at all)

What I'm trying to say with this rambling brain exercise, I guess, is I just think it's more interesting to me personally if the Dean-Cas struggles in latter seasons are more about the happiness they feel they don't deserve. The rest is okay: the stigma of society, or shame for attraction, or a lack of self-awareness, or even the popular 2D bigoted bruhaha depictions of a cartoonishly homophobic John. But I feel like you have to work harder for those when the cosmic horror of existing as they are is already baked into their self-loathing.

I don't tend to view Dean as unaware of his emotions; if anything, it feels like he is psychotically over aware of them. I think he suppresses the expression of them, sometimes, but not the emotions themselves. That's why he drinks as his coping weapon of choice.

If anything, it's Cas that has been trained that angels don't have emotions, and when they very obviously do show emotions (because hey, guess what--ALL angels canonically do), they get compartmentalized. Angel emotions "don't count" as real emotions, because they've been told they don't have them, and because they don't feel exactly like human ones. (It's like a person starting hormones and mistaking a change in the expression of emotions for either an absence or addition of feelings.)

Cas typically solves for this by cloaking his own selfishness in angelic duty, as Metatron and Lucifer so astutely note. It isn't until very late SPN that I'm convinced he is willing to honestly "read" his own emotions at all. Cas has to start loving Sam and Claire Novak and the world to even begin to parse why he's attached to Dean in a more-than-the-charge-I-must-protect fashion. I think this is partially why, in season 10, Cas starts out being willing to kill Demon!Dean in the early part and winds up NOT being able to do so in the latter part.

There's a major shift occurring with Cas in seasons 9 onward. I don't feel like he lost his grace and WHAM he suddenly parsed his own emotions. It takes awhile. He actually MARVELS that he has sharper sense of empathy as late as 9x11.

CASTIEL: You know, old me -- I would've have just kept going. I would've jammed that needle in deeper until you died because the ends always justified the means.

Season 10 deleted scene:

Cas: Glory? Oh, I’ve seen glory. And I’ve seen defeat. But I have seen the glory. I have won epic battles, and I have reaped vast rewards. And none of it has meant as much to me as the relationships that I’ve formed on Earth. Sam and Dean? They are like a family to me. Claire Novak? When she smiled at me? Nothing, no angelic crusade or victor’s bounty, none of that could ever hold a candle to that sweet, crooked smile.

//

What do you want?

Everything Michael says is opposite. We know that Dean was gutted when Jack died, he was devastated when Sam left him alone with John, and he doesn't want Cas around out of obligation...he just wants him. Michael is The Character that goes around asking people, "What do you WANT?" So, he knows, too.

He's also astute enough to realize that he can't give Dean something too nice, or he'll realize he's in a dream. He can't bury him in trauma, because Dean thrives in that. He also can't bury him in blissful happiness, because he'll clock that. So instead he chooses a low-level, threats-on-the-horizon kind of contentedness--having something nice but not indulging too much.

In fact, in the terminal seasons, Dean and Cas seem low-key aware of how happy they make each other, but they can't LET themselves be happy. It would be selfish to seek more. They can't have it. But not because of what the other feels. It's largely because they feel they don't deserve to have this happiness. In Dean's case, happiness might even be dangerous, an invitation for more death. By the time they're on the cusp of something, The Empty strikes.

From 7x21

CASTIEL We live in a "sorry" universe...I mean, why should I prosper from... your misfortune? [CASTIEL puts down a marker and moves DEAN’s marker back to the start.] But these are the rules. I didn't make them.

And that's a real shame.

#queue #december writings #shame in spn #destiel explorations #for the record i'm not opposed to any of the other readings per se #it can be many things simultaneously #i just feel like the backdrop of the world is brutal OUTSIDE of how they feel about each other #the mere fact they're both EXISTING is a crime #and they're both aware of this

[mischiefxmuses]

Cordelia Goode Intro

Was that [JESSICA CHASTAIN]? Oh no no, that was just [CORDELIA GOODE], a [CANON CHARACTER] from [AHS: COVEN]. They are [THIRTY ONE] years old, use [SHE/HER], and [ARE] aware that they are not actually from Washington DC. Too bad they can’t stray from this city for long.

how long has your character been here

Two years

what is your character's job**

English Literature Professor / Supreme Witch / Dean of Madame Robichaux’s Academy for young witches. 

where has your character been pulled from in their fandom

After she becomes surpreme

has any magic affected your character

Not really

and any other information you might find useful for us and the other members to know!!

As Fiona Goode’s abandoned child she always suffered from insecurities and a lack of confidence in herself. Her mother left her at a young age at the Academy. Fiona only wanted to be the surpreme, not a mother. Cordelia had a lot of promise as a young witch, being very proficient with herbal magic, potions etc... but it was never good enough to impress her mother. Myrtle Snow became more of a mother to Cordelia than Fiona ever was. 

She eventually became the caretaker of the academy and the girls who attended the school there and married Hank Foxx, becoming Cordelia Foxx. She was unaware at this point that he was a witch hunter. She wanted nothing more than to be a mother and tried to convince Marie Leveau to use her powers to help Cordelia have a child. But it never happened. 

Cordelia was blinded by acid by a witch hunter and it gave her the power of sight. She saw all sorts of things that she didn’t want to see, including Hank’s affairs. She sent him away from her. She always hated her mother and never respected how she was as the supreme. As things got more dangerous for the witches and Fiona started losing power, the search for the new Supreme began. 

Little did Cordelia know that she was the supreme until she completed the Seven Wonders. With Hank dead, and Fiona as well Cordelia rose to Supremacy and vowed to herself to never be like Fiona. To be there for her girls, guide them and help them to thrive. 

In Washington

That desire to help hasn’t changed for her. She still wants to be a beacon of hope, not let the power go to her head like it did Fiona. She is ready for her successor, she will not know when it is but hopes when the day comes she will be gracious about it. 

#Cordelia & headcanon #cordelia & intro #death tw #violence tw #long post tw #mischiefxmusesxintro #hw: intro

[sobsicles]

wait hold on, hold on, im connecting the dots. im connecting the—

#THE DOT!!! IM CONNECTING THEM!!! #everyone shut up this is the new thing im obsessed with #oh my godddd im on board the manna train #i saw someone reblog the other post with manna as a ship suggestion name and i was like oh!!!! cookie for you!!!! yes love that!!! #do i wanna write mary and anna now? yes yes i do. will i? most likely #i just think the parallels are juicy #let me have this #the idea of like. anna being stuck in a time loop tho #like ok hear me out. pretend she doesn't die up there in that picture #but like anna going back to the past falling for mary like cas did dean etc etc etc #but she knows it'll never work bc heaven has pLaNs or whatever the fuck #anyway so shes like fuck this im just gonna rip out my grace and be human for real #coincidentally losing her memories in the process etc etc #and then she meets dean and dean looks like mary and his features tug at her and she FEELS things etc etc #but it was never dean. it was always mary. but mary is long dead etc etc #but she doesn't KNOW that. and then she goes back in the past to kill mary ya know as one does #falls in love with her rips her grace out and boom does it all over again #the TRAGEDY!!!! the COMPELLING STORY here oh my god #anyways i like this a lot #the prequel i want actually #mary x anna #manna #i want manna to be a thing #sobs and their rare pairs. its a curse #sobs says things #sobs makes things sometimes

[gates-keeper]

Part 1: “Words of Affirmation” Destiel Quotes & Parallels

I’m sure someone’s done this before me and done it better, but I’m compiling a huge Destiel evidence docket for no reason. Anyone got any quotes to add?

Comments From Outside Characters

To Dean

Uriel: “He has this weakness. He likes you.” (4x10)

Balthazar: “You have me confused with the other angel. You know, the one in the dirty trench coat who’s in love with you.” (6x17)

Hester: “The first time Castiel laid a hand on you in Hell, he was lost.” (7x21)

Meg: “He was your boyfriend first.” (7x23)

Charlie: “What about Castiel? He seems helpful. And dreamy.” (8x20)

Marie: “Although we do explore the nature of Destiel in Act 2.” (10x5)

Sam: “Shouldn’t it be Deastiel?” He then goes on to tease Dean with “Sastiel” which Dean takes negatively. (10x5)

Dean: “This Cas is looking at me weird.” Sam: “So like the real Cas then.” (15x14) 

To Castiel

Hannah: “We gave you our trust. Don’t lose it over one man.” (9x22)

Metatron: “His true weakness is revealed. He’s in love…with humanity.” (9x22)

Metatron: “Oh, that’s right. To save Dean Winchester. That was your goal, right? I mean, you draped yourself in the flag of heaven, but, ultimately, it was about saving one human, right?” (9x23)

Ishim: “I’m going to cure you of your human weakness [i.e. Dean]” (12x10)

The Empty: “I have tiptoed through all your little tulips. Your memories, your little feelings, yes. I know what you hate. I know who you love…There is nothing for you back there.” (13x4)

Demon: “I thought you were joined at the… (looks down) everything.” (14x01)

There are also several instances where other characters try to poke at insecurities regarding their relationship.

Naomi: “You're hoping Castiel will return to you. I admire your loyalty. I only wish he felt the same way.” (8x19)

Casifer: “There comes a time when every relationship has run its course.” (11x18)

Michael!Dean: “You only tolerate the angel because you think you owe him, because he ‘gripped you tight and raised you from Perdition.’ Or whatever.” (14x10)

Comments From Dean

To Cas

“There are two things I know for certain. One, Bert and Ernie are gay. And two, you are not going to die a virgin.” (5x03) 

“So what? I’m Thelma and you’re Louise and we’re just going to hold hands and sail off this cliff together?” (5x03)

“You know what? Blow me, Cas.” (5x18)

“Cas, not for nothing, but the last time someone looked at me like that, I got laid.” (5x18)

“Look, I don’t need to feel like hell for failing you, okay? For failing you like I’ve failed every other godforsaken thing that I care about! I don’t need it!” (8x07)

“We need you. I need you.” 

For more on this quote see the “We vs. I” section.

To Other Characters

Bobby: “I think maybe it’s time you made a call.” Dean: “Why does it always gotta be me that makes the call, huh? It’s not like Cas lives in my ass. The dude’s busy.” (Cas appears) Dean: “Get out of my ass.” Cas: “I was never in your… (head tilt)” (6x19)

“On my car…. He showed up naked… covered in bees.” (7x23)

While Cas suffered from some mental issues at the time, it seems somewhat significant that he sought Dean out under the circumstances, not Sam, etc.

“There’s things… people… feelings that I want to experience differently than I have before, or maybe even for the first time.” (10x16)

“My shy but devastatingly handsome friend here” (12x12)

“He came into my room and he played me.” (12x19)

“Let’s see. Crowley’s dead, Kelly’s dead, Cas is—Mom’s gone.” (13x01)

Dean’s inability to list Cas’s death singles him out as the most devastating of the losses.

“We’ve lost everything. And now you’re gonna bring him back.” (13x01)

While some people have heard this as “bring ‘em back”, the Netflix captions and transcripts I have been able to find say “him.”

“And Cas bought it. And you know what it got him? It got him dead! Now you may be able to forget about that, but I can't!” (13x03)

“I have a family.” (In response to John Winchester lamenting Dean doesn’t have a wife and kids) (14x13)

Comments From Cas

To Dean

“I was getting too close to the humans in my charge. You. They feel I've begun to express emotions. The doorways to doubt.” (4x16)

“I’m hunted. I rebelled. And I did it—all of it—for you.” (5x02)

“I gave everything for you. And this is what you give to me.” (5x18)

“I do everything that you ask. I always come when you call.” (6x21)

“So you will bow down and profess your love unto me, your Lord.” (6x22)

Before taking on the role of God, Cas seemed very concerned with Dean’s forgiveness/acceptance/love. It is interesting that, as God, that was the first thing he asked for, turning from Sam (who had just stabbed him) to Dean to ask for love.

“Sam, and everyone you know, everyone you love, they could be long dead. Everyone except me.” (10x22)

“I love you. I love all of you.” (Arguably to the group, but the first “I love you” can be seen as Dean-specific, especially since it cuts to Dean after being said.) (12x12)

“You mean too much to me. To everything.” (12x9) (To Mary, Sam, and Dean. However, the camera immediately cuts to Dean specifically, even though he is in the back of the group).

“I’m your Huckleberry.” (13x06)

Cas love confession (15x18)

To Other Characters

“Dean and I do share a more profound bond.” (6x03)

“I won’t hurt Dean.” (8x17)

This is said as Castiel is breaking away from Naomi’s mind control—mind control she fostered specifically by having Cas kill a thousand versions of Dean. This implies she knows that Cas’s strongest loyalty is to Dean, not Sam, or humans in general.

“The point is that they [Dean & Sam] were here at all and you got to know them, you -- When they're gone, it will hurt, but that hurt will remind you of how much you loved them.” (14x14)

“You know, Dean, he... he feels things more acutely than any human I've ever known.” (15x13)

Other Comments

Reaper: “How do I start looking for this... Castiel?” Bartholomew: “I got one word for you. Winchester.”

Rowena: “An Angel of the Lord, shattered at the altar of Winchester.”

Use of We vs. I

In the crypt scene in Season 8, Dean tells Cas, “We need you.” This is not enough to stop Cas’s actions. When the language switches to “I need you,” Cas drops the angel blade.

We can clearly see that Dean tries to put up barriers about how he really feels about Cas in his use of “We.” For example, after showing the audience many scenes of Dean, not Sam, frantically trying to call Cas, we get the following lines:

“So not only were you ditching us, but you were also ignoring us?”

“With everything that's going on, you can't just go dark like that. We didn't know what happened to you. We were worried. That's not okay.”

It’s clear that these “we’s” are really “I’s”

In the alternate future presented in 15x9, Sam asks Dean, “What’s happened to you Dean… ever since…?” to which Dean responds, “Ever since what? We lost pretty much everyone we’ve ever cared about? Ever since the Mark made Cas go crazy and I had to bury him in a Malak box… ever since then?” While he acknowledges Sam’s losses as well, his switch to “I” in reference to Cas implies that Cas’s loss belongs especially to him.

(Mostly) Verbal Parallels to Other Couples

In 1x01 (start at 2:27), Dean pulls Sam away from a dead Jess in a direct parallel to how Sam pulls Dean away from Cas in 12x23

Following Jessica’s death, Sam keeps seeing glimpses of her as he and Dean travel around in the Impala. Dean does the same in Season 8 following his return from Purgatory without Cas.

David from “Bloodlines” (9x20) tells his love interest, “I was there. Where were you?” which is the same thing Dean says to Cas in “The Man Who Would Be King” (6x20)

When asking Dean whether he’s in love with Cassie, Dean gives a similar response to what he will say in 10x5 when asked about Destiel.

Destiel is paralleled with their counterparts from the Supernatural play who are “a couple in real life” (10x5)

Cain compares himself to Dean in Season 10. He describes the significant kills of his life (The Knights of Hell, his wife Collette, and his brother Abel) and tells Dean that he will follow his same pattern by killing the King of Hell Crowley, Castiel, then Sam. It is also mentioned that all Collette asked of Cain was “to stop,” which is the same language Cas uses with Dean in 10x22.

Dean explains how his parents fell in love to prove his identity to Mary in 12x1, “He was cute and he knew the words to every Zeppelin song, so when he asked you for your number, you gave it to him, even though you knew your dad would be pissed.” Later in this same season (12x19), Dean gives Cas a homemade mixtape of his favorite Zeppelin songs.

Ishim fell in love with a human named Lily Sunder who ultimately left him for someone else. When trying to recruit Castiel, he compares Dean to her.

Dean questions how much of their life has been controlled by God. Cas states, “You asked, ‘What about all of this is real?’ We are.” (15x02) Later, they find out that God has been using Eileen to spy on the Winchesters. She says, “After what happened, I don’t know what’s real anymore.” Sam kisses her, stating “I know that was real.” (15x09)

PART 2 “Physical Touch” Now Finished

#destiel #destiel fanfic #destiel is canon

[elizabethrobertajones]

Hello there. I have a question (more like a thesis): What would have happened if Cas told the Truth anywhere between season 7 and 15? Do you think it would have had the same impact on Dean? Logically speaking Cas could have told him anytime.

Oh gosh, yes. I mean Dean’s reaction in season 15 is still the best it could have been really :P He was in the best place and most accepting of himself and he still had a BSOD for a moment and then Cas had to shove him away so he could go die... (Assuming you take the on screen boring presentation of what happened as canon and not throw in the reciprocation, tears, pull in for a kiss, etc that we know exists either in our hearts or on Jackles’ phone.)

I’ve been thinking about this and the parameters we’d have to apply if we were gonna get something like the show being self-healing back to its self as we know it but we were allowed a confession. Also the show has to be as punishing as ever. So these are my personal theses on each season... 

Season 7 the confession would have to be after Cas comes back, and everything in 7x17 that looked like Dean was jealous of Daphne and Meg textually was meant to be read that way in the set up for the confession. To make it the most painful obviously we still get Cas exactly as he was all through to the end of the season and he never really says anything too different but then right when they’re having the “cursed or not” discussion he’d bust out of nowhere that he supposes it is inevitable Dean would talk him into going on this dangerous mission to get Dick because obviously Cas loves him. And Dean, who is in a weirdly zen sort of place in the remaining minutes of season 7 after Bobby’s send off and final words that helped him go make up with Cas, is in a similarly season 15 oddly okay spot, mental health wise. At least. COMPARED TO ALL THE REST OF SEASON 7. But I still personally have always read it as a genuinely good place for him that could have endured much longer if not for *gestures everything that happened after stabbing Dick* and obviously making up with Cas was step one and a huge part of his process. 

(idk if you’ve noticed but 7x23 pretty much has no Sam and Dean interaction after Bobby’s send off, and their last good broments are really scarce; it feels sort of natural for abrupt calamity and no time for teary farewells in a season with a strong commentary on grief, which also hyperfocuses the attention on Dean n Cas there.)

So I think Dean would maybe be stunned but maybe quirk a sceptical smile like “He can’t mean it like that and anyway he’s currently coo-coo, this doesn’t mean anything hahaha oh Cas :)))” and then idk shake his head and move the story on and Cas just turns one longing look after him like “dammit that didn’t work out like planned” 

Anyway then the exact plot beats of 7x23 follow, exactly as seen on your screens, but we’re left going into season 8 and Carver era with Dean far far more messed up about Cas and it can force clarification in 8x02 in Purgatory where Cas is entirely adamant he meant what he meant and furious at Dean for being mad at him and Dean’s mad at Cas for all the season 8 reasons so they continue angsting at each other but Benny’s reaction shots are just 10x funnier. This is followed by Dean’s reciprocation of “I love you” instead of “I need you” in the crypt scene in 8x17 and from there honestly it’s been built up into canon in such a way that the emotional arc of the show has to go off the wheels and I can’t keep to the self-healing model to continue following the “real” plot and contain this much raw power.

Coincidentally, if the first confession is in season 8, it would be “what broke the connection” after a season 8 where nothing was different up until that point. Cas flaps off while Dean is still processing that the answer was “You. I love you.” and Dean is left yelling at the empty crypt like “What the hell, Cas?!” 

Then he’s as mad at him as he was in canon except instead of being borderline a really bad overreaction into his anger phase which we have to weather as miserable fans tethered to this ship who know sometimes Dean gets mad and yells at Cas for no reason, he’s reacting proportionately. It’s always seemed like 8x22 only makes sense if Dean is furious at Cas for confessing and fleeing except, obviously, in our “”real”” canon, it can only be like Cas confessed and Dean took it that way and also felt embarrassed how far he went with his own feelings only for Cas to run. 

This would make the bar scene with the cupids in 8x23 make a lot more sense too, and after they get the cupid bow Dean’s going to turn to Cas and give him a nervous smile, and then - Naomi flaps in like she does and distracts them away from reciprocation. 

I think this one could go long - maybe even season 13 Cas being dead and Dean being like “FUCK I never got a chance to work things out with him” and 13x06 onwards is where we get any actual work on the ship, because Carver era was so determined to be emotionally gruelling and unsatisfying and relentless from one issue to the next. And the confessions are so bound up specifically in the moments of miscommunication or failed attempts, cut off conversations etc that whether Destiel is canon or not, they’re never gonna get to talk it out under those conditions. Cas is only explicitly the grieving wife and jealous ex to Crowley’s smug take over of Dean’s affections rather than subtextually. 

The season 9 confession... I feel like we’d come perilously close to the Monkey Paw curse we once envisioned of Buckleming making it canon because they love jumping the gun on plot points and making them too obvious. So the end of 9x03, Cas is really blatantly angling to come in with a big “Hey I’m human can I live in the Bunker look at me I learned to do The Sex can we do it now” kind of vibe. All the enthusiasm he was giving to eating that burrito in the background while “Zeke” was trying to get him kicked out, but with lusting over Dean :P 

If we avoid that we can leap to Mr Bobo Berens and his first episode, and have this thing handled by a pro, as it’s already very much about Cas as a homeless queer man with a bad ex he still loves rolling into town where he’s just trying to make a new life and play straight - I mean human - for his own survival. I suspect the confrontation with Iphraim would make it really obvious that Cas didn’t just want to live as a human but had an eye for living as a human with Dean, and then he’d attempt a confession right before Dean would accidentally talk over, like, the L in “love” honestly, to tell him that sorry things do still stand that you can’t come back with me. Leaves Cas utterly devastated but Dean is none the wiser and he drives off and Cas pines piningly at the pine trees in his Gas n Sip. 

Again the end of season probably would force the real confession, since there’s a ready made moment in 9x22 where Hannah tries to force Cas to kill Dean and he gives it all up for one man. Cas can just lower that knife and be like, “No, I love him,” talking to his shoes and Hannah rather than meeting Dean’s eyes. Mark of Cain Dean is fuuuucked up at that point but we still get the moment where Dean carries Cas’s bag into the bunker and sits down with him and tries to care about his health and now also this confession. Sussing out what the heck is up with Cas, and maybe he looks like he’s playing it cool and is still so messed up but Cas is vulnerable, and finally Dean starts to reach across the library table for his hand, and it’s a moment where maybe things could have started to go better for them...... Cue Gadreel walking into the library, Dean going feral, blah blah demon!Dean, blah blah explicitly stated Drowley, blah blah muuuch healing and Cas giving Dean a wide berth for a lil while. Though, in this scenario, 10x22 is far worse but has the reverse crypt scene moment, so Dean can be more obviously unable to kill Cas because he loves him, and then he walks out, followed by season 11 and Cas being returned to them. Unfortunately. Yep. Another finger curls on the Monkey Paw... 11x03 by Buckleming would absolutely be where Destiel goes undeniably canon as it is their first real interactions post Mark of Cain. Our only consolation - directed by Jensen Ackles.

Season 10 confession, hm. Poor Cas. He has the option of 10x03, of confessing and then immediately apologising and walking off to handle stuff with Hannah (thanks Buckleming!) or the Burger Date, where Dean may be slightly less stunned stupid but still likely to laugh it off and not believe it. There’s not much heavy tension between them most of the season so it’s possible that the only time Cas would really get is to confess in 10x22 while telling Dean that he would have to watch him murder the world, and that would suck because I love you. At which point the story dictates that Dean beats Cas to paste so it’s a very bad look. Season 10 destiel confession is the worst. 

Season 11 may be better because Cas has options to be jealous of Crowley and Dean’s connection to Amara multiple times and then Casifer happens and that can really play up things in a season where a confession is coming. 

I think the Beer Run in 11x23 might be the only viable place, where Dean grabs Cas and takes him out for that drive for last drinks before the end of the world. Cas gets the “you’re our brother” thing and just lays into Dean with the certainty of someone who knows this is it - now or nothing - with “You know that’s crap, Dean. You wait until the end of the world and you can’t even say it. Well I can; I love you.” 

Cue awkward tension, well-placed interrupting Moose, and then the world very much not ending so that when Dean n Cas hug and kiss in front of Mary in 12x01. Well. There’s even more explaining to do to her. Since we’ve made it to Dabb era, I believe any confessions from this point onwards can just slot into the show as we got it from there since it’s entirely compatible to start season 12 assuming Dean n Cas are literally married and never be contradicted by the text in their behaviour. But since we’ve had canon Destiel since whenever, obviously the final episodes are good instead of. That.

Season 12... Going to have to go with the first sniff of true canon coming in Lily Sunder with just a few lines leaning even further in the Cas’s Angel Family Are Homophobic Assholes metaphor, leaving Cas’s relationship with Dean even more live wire exposed. Followed by The Mixtape Scene where Cas is going to confess to Dean and get him startled up out of his seat, accidentally knocking the mixtape to the floor and for a moment it’s like, did he throw it is he mad? but then he’s smooching Cas, fade to black, return to scheduled programming but the whole line about Cas stealing the Colt from under Dean’s pillow makes fuckin sense, as well as the fall out argument and how mad Dean was at Cas followed by how devastated he was at Cas’s death. This just means Dabb era continues as planned except we get a kiss in 13x06 under that big glowy cross, and some more smooching here and there when things are good from then on. 

Season 13... Hm. Cas has to do the confessing and I don’t think he’d throw that at Dean on return from death so unlike if Dean was the one who was being made to confess obviously the aforementioned glowy cross scene obviously would be it for him... Cas could keep that bottled up much longer, especially as he has so much to do with Jack this season. It’s entirely possible we go through the whole season and then Cas lobs it at Dean as a final card when he’s making his Michael decision and we actually see the scene that we didn’t get, where Cas has to watch Dean getting possessed. Except Dean is like, tearful and furious like why would you tell me that now, and anyway i’m doing this for you as well dumbass but fuck you but also how dare you anyway I need to be an archangel now and save our - your - son, bye. Cue Cas sitting there not just in total horror at what happened but also kicking himself for fucking up the moment :P I guess this way at least we can have that moment where Dean is un-Michaeled and tells Cas he’s going to shower and finger guns at him, and now we can have Cas wordlessly and furiously follow him. 

Season 14, we get Cas at Rocky’s bar confessing to Dean while figment!Pamela cheers the whole thing on. If there was EVER a time to use the power of love to snap Dean out of it, Cas upsetting his cosy routine with “this isn’t real, I’M NOT HERE IN YOUR FANTASY” is absolutely the time to pull a reverse crypt scene which has such low stakes in terms of neither of them needing to punch each other when Michael is an external aggressor.

My ONLY issue with this is that Sam has to witness the whole thing and we would get reaction shots and I am a weak mortal who will start cackling at them when I’m supposed to be having the transcendent moment of canon and the whole thing would be ruined just because of the way Jared gurns when doing reactions to dean n cas interacting. Wow thanks. Thanks a lot. 

[joeyjoeylee]

How would you rank the good girl szns?

Oooh, fun question! I’ll put this under a thingie b/c as I have proven time and again, I am incapable of brevity.

I’d go:

1. Season 2 – This one worked on every level for me up to the last 20 minutes or so of the finale.

Too many reasons to list them all, but off the top of my head: the Girls’ interactions together all season. Dean being shot and bleeding out on his own dining room chair after watching the guy who beat the shit out of him caress his wife’s face. Mary Pat acting out “machete.” Those multiple episodes where I thought Boomer was dead and rotting in the ground. 2.04 & 2.09 - I will never know peace again in my life b/c of these. Annie helping Nancy give birth. Dean being dunked on by middle-aged Krav Maga instructors and child hitmen alike. Rio and Beth at a picnic table in the sunshine. Dean being ignored by a trendy hipster bar waitress with a professionalism problem while his wife got railed in the bathroom. The really deep dive into the Stan/Ruby relationship and how the strongest of strong couples were tested in a way that had nothing to do with infidelity (felt so rare and true).

The biggest reason I think though is one Agent James Turner. Holy crap, I loved him in Season 1 and that grew exponentially in Season 2. Such a rounded and nuanced character, a law enforcement antagonist outside the traditional White Hat mold, so cunning and ruthless and funny. And so well-acted, his chemistry with everyone was amazeballs. I laugh every time I think about him and Mary Pat together. I lived for his palpable Boomer disgust, him and Rio going head-to-head, his loaded conversations with Stan. And seriously, the scenes with him and Beth? I think in some ways those two characters saw each other more clearly through all the bullshit they both put on than anyone else saw them. And then to have them both so fully engaged in trying to top the other? Man, that was the shit.

2. Season 1 – I binged this one in two days straight I think (probably less, lol). Just was captivated by it all, the setup, the music, the characters, Eddie breaking a small child’s finger and stuffing half a hotdog in his face, the styling, etc. The pace was frenetic and I think they burned through a lot of story maybe too quick that they could have spun out and drawn more viewers in – but as a binge-watch, it was impossible to beat. It sent me straight to Tumblr and AO3 and I was hyperfixated from the get-go, which is always a fun and frothy feeling!

3. Season 3 – There were a lot of stand alone moments that I loved in Season 3. Ruby seeing how her choices were playing out with Sara. Annie taking steps to grow up (although thumbs down to Dr. Cohen, boo to him for one thousand years). Brio sitting at dark picnic tables processing their anger/don’t-call-it-a-breakup-but-it-was-a-breakup on their beautiful faces.

And after where the writers decided to go in the Season 2 finale (still baffled by this tho), I understood why the writers had to do a lot of things they did to both keep Rio as a character long term and try to make it make sense as to why he wouldn’t just immediately kill all 3 of these women asap. And I understood how this made the overall mood much darker as they tried to work through that (made more difficult by the whole pandemic thing too, etc).

But for me, I liked it better when it was the Girls v. a third-party antagonist like Boomer or Turner or even Mary Pat, with Rio as their Boss/Reluctant Quasi-Partner Not to Be Trusted Yet Still to Be Hooked Up With. So to have Rio be the Big Bad of the season, this was less bueno for me.

There were also things I found….off, for lack of a better word, tonally, like the sort of amnesia that the Girls seemed to develop that Boomer had once framed Annie for felony drug possession which put her in danger of losing custody of her child, oh not to mention had attempted to violently rape Annie and had raped Mary Pat.

I know a lot of people love Season 3 for the angst, and for them I am happy they were well-fed! And I liked it too, overall. But lower than 1 and 2, my one true love.

4. Season 4 – Somebody always has to be last, and that sadly is Season 4. Still loved the characters and the actors too, natch. Was intrigued and excited by the expansion of Rio’s family/backstory. Loved seeing Dean in jail and then being infantilized riding up and down the street like Jane while his wife openly met with her former/current lover who had not only shot him in his own house but also waved to Dean like a dick. The serotonin from that moment, my God.

For the last season though, the fact that so much time was spent with the Girls not interacting as much or plotlines that made me bored as shit (what was that Homeless Guy stuff, I mean seriously, I can't even keep his name in my head it tranquilized me so much) or characters I didn’t care about (I will always love Travis from Clueless but if I had to see his little bike shorts or his tiny face one more time, I’d kill him myself. I’m glad his wife and dicky child hated and disrespected him, because same.) or main characters' actions that were so ambiguous that I had to contort myself into a pretzel to try to make narrative sense. And like most if not all white men, Bill Krebs needs to stop speaking forever b/c much like the creators of Game of Thrones, every time my eyes drifted across something he’d written in an Instagram DM, I got dumber. Also everything he said was either a lie or drastically overexaggerated or offensive, so that was weekly frustrating as well.

Mostly I loved this season b/c it was the last and because I loved reading all the posts and seeing all the gifs and everyone from the community talking together in real time. So that made me happy, even when I was frustrated with the content itself!

#nbc good girls #gg concrit #are you sorry you asked me this anon b/c I went off on a ramble? #please write me back and tell me your rankings too!

[you-cant-spell-subtext-without]

Sigh. It’s quiet today, so I guess it’s about time to talk about 12x06: Celebrating the Life of Asa Fox.  

This is an episode without Cas, so clearly it revolves entirely around Cas (I'm kidding, but only a little bit).  It’s also a bottle episode and a meta writer’s wet dream, so excuse me while I nerd out - this is a long one to unpack, and I have spent too much time doing it for you.  That’s ok because, as Sam says:

DIVE IN AFTER THE CUT BUDDIES!

The Asa montage is where we start.

Asa is a Dean mirror. The parallels are pretty clear - he’s a scruffy rough around the edges hunter, Mary is the reason he got into hunting, he wears a ton of flannel, etc.  If you remain unsure, the writers throw this in at the very beginning in the montage of Asa’s life as a hunter So That You Know:

Bucky: Hey, you know they make new cars, right? Asa: I don’t want a new car. This is my lucky car. 

***Canadian!Dean confirmed.

Shaine Jones may also be the Canadian Jensen Ackles.

I don’t make the rules ok?

Back in the US, the boys surprise Jody with a visit. 

In case you forgot the episode prior to this one:

Side note: domestic Jody gives me life. 

We’re clearly supposed to see how Jody is a mom figure for the boys, and it feels nice for them to have that, especially since Mary is Taking Some Space.  Their entire dynamic warms even my cold black soul.

[romantic scene of a couple silhouetted against a sunset while sweeping music plays on Jody’s TV. The couple kisses.] 

DEAN

[his mouth full of pizza] Jody, you watching some kind of chick flick here?

JODY

Well, Dean. I’m a chick. 

Kim Rhodes YOU ARE A DELIGHT.  A side note - I know this exchange is supposed to be funny, but I feel sad for Dean (who clearly is a rom com chick).  This is a perfect example of Dean struggling to present some fabricated image of heteronormative masculinity that’s not the heart of who he actually is.  His surprise that a “badass sheriff chick” can also enjoy rom coms makes me fucking upset.  

ALSO:

Anyway, Asa has passed on and the boys tag along with Jody to the wake in support.  

SAM

Yeah, no, Jody. We… we know you’ll be fine, but… you know, we never go to hunter gatherings, outside of bars. Dad always said they were trouble, so…

DEAN

Yes, you’d be doing us a favor if you let us tag along.

***more receipts that John Winchester was an isolating abuser.  They could have at least had a normal HUNTER life and friends who hunted.

SAM  

That is a big house. [Music continues playing, coming from inside the house now]

***We now establish one “theme” of the episode.

JODY

Family home. Asa was just a guy. 

AKA pretty brutal implication that Asa didn’t have a family of his own.

Speaking of implications:

[Jody removes her coat and the three of them begin mingling. Dean finds his way to the kitchen and a cooler full of beer] DEAN

No label. Well, that’s a red flag. 

****LOL WHAT THE FUCK IS THE REASON****

....

....

....

GIRL SEND HELP

Enter Bucky, who is actually (SPOILER!) the villain of the episode.

Do all hunters just walk around with this manly flannel/weird symbolic necklace combo?  Looking at you Bucky and Dean.  

Dean is surprised to find that people know who he is:

But doesn’t seem to have an issue with it until -

***Someone who just bragged the entire five hour car ride about killing Hitler shouldn’t be this concerned about what people are saying about him right? 

Or is he thinking it may involve something he isn’t comfortable sharing - since apparently there are things Dean doesn’t feel comfortable sharing as established by the prior couch conversation with Jody?  Hmmmmmm...

***Compare the expressions.  The “you’ve died four times” response is the same as the smug/proud “I killed Hitler” face.  The reaction to the “stories” is the “hey this is my personal business” reaction Dean had to Sam’s Japanese erotica art form comment. He is thinking specifically about something personal.

I wonder what it could be.

I don’t think any one had to teach Max Banes the art of seduction, but also thank you.

Also, manifesting Dean being raised by Max and Alicia’s Cool Witch Mom instead of John Trash Winchester.  Because that’s what we’re supposed to think here, correct?  Two sibling hunters usually present a brother mirror.

Worth noting Sam’s surprise that witches can also be hunters.  The John Winchester Bigotry Brain Rot runs deep.  (GOD the Sam-witch thing would have driven him crazy I LIVE FOR THAT).

Dean escapes to Asa’s office/room and proceeds to go through his things.

[Dean is in Asa’s office and finds an angel blade mounted on blue velvet inside an ornate glass-lidded box. He opens it, reaches in and pulls out the angel blade, comfortably spinning it in his hand when Sam walks in.]

SAM

Hey.

DEAN

Oh, hi. This is a real Angel Blade. I mean, this guy was legit. 

***that’s weird, why does Canadian!Dean have an angel blade?  We haven’t heard anything about angels yet, and it wasn’t in the opening montage.  Hmmmmmm, I say. Hmmmmmmm...

***Sam is also concerned about The Stories They Tell 

This one particularly:

Honestly I don’t know why he’s THAT surprised that people know he was possessed by Lucifer?  Didn’t he start like multiple apocalypses?  That’s something people tend to be in the know about. Anyhoo.

DEAN

Yeah. Apparently we’re a little bit legendary. 

SAM 

Yeah, but, I mean, so was Asa. Then a hunt went bad, and he ended up hanging from a tree, alone in the woods.

DEAN

He died on the job. No better way to go. 

SAM

You really believe that? 

DEAN

Yeah. What, you don’t? I mean, come on, Sam, it's not like we're in the “live till you're 90, die in your sleep” business. This? [Dean points at Asa’s hunting wall] This only ends one way. 

***Insert deep internal screaming about 15x20 here***

It’s Jody’s turn to be uncomfortable as we find out she and Asa were more than just friends and everyone knew it and Said Things About It and Told Stories About It.

HMMMMMMM...

Dean is surprised that Jody not only enjoys rom coms, but ruggedly hot men. Another thing they have in common.

As Dean comes to terms with the idea that Jody can be a mother figure and also a human person with a life and her own feelings and needs and thoughts, enter the person whom said lesson is actually about:

This is a Kim Rhodes Facial Expression stan account now.

So cute how Jody knows immediately that Dean is not okay.  Time to reach:

JODY

Huh. Is that why you spent the entire ride up here telling me in extreme, excruciating detail how you killed Hitler, but, uh, you neglected to mention the fact that your mom is back from the dead? 

***look, it’s another Dean doesn’t like others knowing personal information parallel!***

DEAN 

Yeah, no big deal. 

JODY

That’s a lie.

DEAN

JODY …

JODY

Look, maybe this isn't my place, and this is epic stuff, but

JODY

Yeah. Because what if I’ve changed. What if they changed? What if it just didn’t work out the way I wanted?  If you wanna talk about anything

***Killing Hitler used yet again to show Dean doesn’t care about oversharing hunting stories, but he doesn’t like for people to know personal ones.  Also, Jody mentions her son and her husband.  Her family and her romantic partner.  

Dean wasn’t just reunited with Mary this season. He was also reunited with Cas, after saying goodbye to him at the end of Season 11 when he headed to what he thought was going to be his death as the Amara-bomb.

So, this conversation isn't just about Mary (the “anything”).  It’s also about Cas (the”...absolutely anything”).

Mary chats with Mama Fox and more Points Are Made about hunters not getting to have a “normal life” or family:

MARY

I saved his life. 

LORRAINE

[scoffing] What am I supposed to say to that? After you, Asa got so… Hunting was his whole life. He never married. Never had a family, kids. And now… enjoy the wake. 

***sending Mary on a guilt spiral about Asa (mirroring her other guilt spiral about hunting as a life for her own sons)

Speaking of mirrors:

BUCKY

And Asa loved that Jeep. Fuses were shorted, fuel line was busted. Ah, he didn’t care. He’d just roll up his sleeves, he’d get right to work. 

Time to learn about today’s Big Bad.

BUCKY

Jael. He’s a crossroads demon. And he hangs people. It’s his thing. Snaps their neck, slits their throat. He’s a real piece of work. 

***Wait a second.  Jael is a demon?  Don’t...angel’s names usually end in “el” in SPNverse?

Samandriel.

Uriel.

Gabriel.

Raphael.

Gadreel.

Castiel.

HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.

Anyways the demon [questionable] killed Asa and now everyone  is trapped and also In Grave Danger.  

BUCKY

Exactly. Right, so five years later, Jael– he came back, and he came for Asa. 

JODY

How so? 

BUCKY

Asa was seeing this woman, right? She had a kid. 

LORRAINE

Marlene. 

BUCKY

Yeah, Marlene. Jael got into her. It didn’t matter that he was killing people, he wanted Asa to know it was personal. He gets off on it. 

***that’s so weird, didn’t someone else in the show start seeing a woman with a kid - 

what a sexy little coincidence.

oh and didnt  a supernatural being come back right around that time too - 

HMMMMMMMM.  No killing though.  That’s the difference between angels and demons, I guess.

(meanwhile Dean has been drinking alone outside - as he does, and is realizing he can’t get back in)

HI QUEEN

Also, this immediately took me to 

this show isn’t fair.

****sob break****

Jael Posession 1:

So curious how there are two siblings and then one gets possessed by something Satanic and the other one is good at seducing men.

SO FUCKING CURIOUS.

Jael Possession 2:

Elvis. Random.  Though he was the guy who brought up the Stories Sam Was Surprised Were Circulating -

He was also oddly interested in it.  Methinks Elvis thoroughly enjoyed the Jael possession.

Bilie gets Dean back in the house.  The words “one-time deal” are said a lot of times.

BONUS: Jensen why are you so pretty:

The hunters get to work, and I live for Max Bane’s pentagram aesthetic.

MAX

I like a Fifth Pentacle of Mars. It’s got more character. 

***TBH, same.

Jael possession 3:

****Kim Rhodes is even better when she is playing evil.

JODY/JAEL:

I had so hoped you’d kill your mom. Wouldn’t that be a riot? 

[Mary draws the angel blade and charges at Jody. She cuts Jody’s arm before Sam wrestles her away.] 

SAM

No! Mom!

MARY

What are you doing?! She’s a demon. We kill demons. 

******WOOF MARY - I REPEAT TO YOU THAT THE JOHN TRASH WINCHESTER BRAIN ROT RUNS DEEP.

Also did you immediately flash back to this with me?

Gets me thinking that Dean’s feelings for Cas are made twice as complicated by the fact that he is also a supernatural creature.  Another Reason Why John Winchester Would Disapprove.

****Just as he would Disapprove of Sam Being Possessed By the Devil and all that (never forget he told Dean to kill him because of the whole made unclean by demon blood thing). 

Right on cue:

JODY/JAEL

Oh, I have heard so many stories about you Winchesters. And I desperately want the Lucifer thing to be true.  

***Stories again. Jael proceeds to go into Stories That Are Dark Personal Shameful Secrets:

JAEL

As for the rest of you, I have been inside your heads. I know all about you. For example, the twins. Too frightened to tell anyone that they actually came to say goodbye to their daddy. Or the grieving mother who hated the fact that her son was a hunter so much she’d hide his gear, she’d sabotage his Jeep, anything to keep him from hunting. Not that it worked. Could’ve tried harder, huh? 

[She gestures at her own face] And this meatsuit you all seem to care so much about. She actually fantasized about a life with Asa. Can you believe that? Like that worthless man– 

***HMMMMMMMMM

[Bucky gets off the floor and sneaks up behind Jody/Jael] 

BUCKY 

Shut your filthy mouth. 

[Jody/Jael grabs Bucky by the neck and forces him to his knees] 

JODY/JAEL

And you. Bucky. Brave, brave Bucky. I was there that night. Tell these nice, stupid people what you did. Tell them what you took from me. Asa was mine. 

***Excuse me? THIS IS GETTING VERY...subtextual.  A dark timeline supernatural being/hunter relationship [ending badly because demons only know how to take, consume and possess]? ...Asael?  CURIOUS. 

They chant the exorcism, a different hunter doing each iteration (beautifully done) 

and send Jael back to hell, but not before Bucky shares his Shameful Story - he’s the one who killed Asa.

Elaboration:

BUCKY

Asa, he was just all– he was just always so stubborn. Look, we were in the woods. [We see the scene play out as Bucky describes it] Jael, he… he was taunting him. Asa wanted to chase him, but he didn’t have the angel blade. I said, “Let’s go back.” He called me a coward, and he shoved me, so I shoved him back, and he fell. He hit his head. Asa? I didn’t mean to do it. But it was a mistake. Asa. Asa? An accident. I’m sorry. I didn’t know what to do. Asa hated that damn demon so much that I just…

DEAN

Oh, you thought people would buy that Jael killed him? So you hung your best friend to cover your own ass. 

BUCKY

What are you gonna do to me? 

ALICIA:

Tell everyone, every hunter we meet. They’re gonna know your name, Bucky. Know what you did. 

MAX

You like stories. This is the story everyone’s gonna tell about you. Forever. 

***Shameful Stories that Define You, what a theme.  Also, definitely a supernatural being potentially having some subtextual feelings for Canadian!Dean.  Hmmm.

***Funeral pyre and side discussion about how Asa did have a family, and children, and a potential supernatural sidepiece.

In conclusion, Supernatural is a love story.  Thank you for watching this dark timeline/Canadian dub.  You’re dismissed for the day.  Go eat bacon.

#destiel #spn #spn meta #spn analysis #spn fandom #spn family #hellers #hellerism #supernatural season 12 #spn 12x06 #celebrating the life of asa fox

[wanderingwomanwondering]

I’ve watched 15x19 Inherit the Earth twice and I still hate it. Chuck’s end was fitting but the weak ass storytelling to get us there was unforgivable. Also, Cas is still gone and we barely mentioned him or adequately mourned him in that episode. I just...can’t with this show rn. 15 years! For this?!?!?!?!

What quality storytelling and wrap up could they possibly accomplish in the final episode next week. The fans needed and deserved narrative throughlines and intentional, carefully developed character growth throughout the series. Some characters grew (e.g., Castiel, Jack) but Sam and Dean have been mindbogglingly more or less the same for about 10 years. Occasionally a “good” episode rehashes their old issues and makes the boys feel their feelings, but the show has been mostly plotty shark-jumping antics. That’s entertaining only in how inconsistent and strange it is.

I wanted Dean to wrestle with and work through his mommy and daddy issues (ages ago). I wanted Sam to figure out how to love and trust a woman who could actually live a “normal” hunter life with him. I wanted Dean to figure out that he’s queer (don’t at me) and work through what that means given his archaic ideas about masculinity in the context of the hunter life. I wanted both men to learn to be more emotionally mature and overtly open-hearted over time (and not just with pretty women but with scores of men in their lives that they loved and lost). I wanted them to learn how to grieve in honest, overt, and healthy ways since death and loss are a cornerstone of their lives.

I wanted Sam and Dean to have a long ass memory, mentioning fallen friends freely and often, lighting a candle on Jo’s birthday and then going about their hunter business. I wanted Dean’s hilarious comment in 11x4 when he said “I read” to mature into a special interest area that he researched and became an expert in, taking full advantage of the Men of Letters library. I wanted Sam to never stop inviting Dean to be more emotionally vulnerable. I wanted Sam and Dean to slowly stop keeping secrets. I wanted Sam to keep demanding that Dean treat him as an adult and capable hunter who he doesn’t have to keep sacrificing for and taking care of. Codependency is not a good look after 15 years.

I wanted Castiel to confess his love for Dean (dont at me) at least seven seasons ago. I wanted him to be in every epsidode, a tried and true and unequivocal part of the family, always fighting by Sam and Dean’s side. I wanted Dean to reciprocate! Even if he had to spend half a season struggling to redefine himself in light of his expanding heart and romantic interest in Castiel. I wanted Castiel and Dean to hash out what it means to be in love, and queer, and of two different species (angel and human) and the beauty of that and the complications.

I wanted Dean to work on wrangling his rage over the years rather that letting it control him and endlessly put him on the outs with Castiel mostly and sometimes Sam. I wanted Mary and John to stay dead (don’t at me). They were a critical part of Sam and Dean’s past (and Dean’s issues in particular) but with quality writing and support from friends and family, Dean could have worked through that, letting himself grieve what his parents weren’t and celebrate what they were.

I wanted Sam and Dean to turn the bunker into a headquarters for hunters and MoL around the country, reminiscent of Ellen’s Roadhouse and name a few mixed drinks after her. I wanted Sam and Dean to regularly remember Bobby as not just Bobby but as their foster father. The boys lived with him and were raised by him during huge chunks of their childhood while John was away hunting.

I wanted Dean and Sam to see and treat the women in the show like sisters, occasionally texting with them, asking about their hunts, calling them on birthdays, tearfully meeting up to toast a dead hunter or 12. All of this because it is human and facilitates character growth and it shows who they are, not necessarily because it serves the plot. The plot is secondary to why I stuck around for 15 years! I’m here for the characters.

I wanted Sam and Dean to grow as people despite their endlessly brutal and painful circumstances. Whether you’re a hunter fighting evil or a normal clueless person drinking too much Starbuck’s and worrying about your family, adversity is a part of the human condition and learning how to navigate that adversity and learning who you are and how to be in the face of that is what we are all here doing.

Ngl, each new season of the show since the 5th has been harder and harder to watch because the boys have been defined in terms of their persistent unresolved issues instead of by their ability to grow and adapt as people.

We see them, week after week, rally and rise to meet external threats (monsters, demons, angels, etc). I wanted to see that same energy around their personal growth. Naming the boys’ issues and watching them drink and cry about it once or twice per season is technically character development, but narrative throughlines that go beyond merely naming their issues, throughlines that actually delve into their issues and force them to begin dealing with them in order to resolve them (as much as possible) is character growth. One does not require strong storytelling skills and basic knowledge of human psychology, the other definitely does.

In the last 10 years (basically after Kripke left) fans have been given a show, sure. But, in many ways, the story died at the end of the 5th season. Honestly, I could write about this for the next week, with receipts (because I’ve been here for 15 years), but I’ll stop here.

#supernatural #spn #destiel #castiel #mary winchester #john winchester #jack kline #bobby singer #ellen harvelle #jo harvelle #men of letters #spn 15x19 #salt #showrunning vs storytelling #the disappointing end of an era #sam winchester #dean winchester #casdean #deancas

[marlborodean]

spn quotes: season one

i’m collecting a bunch of quotes from the show! favorite lines, good points of characterization, etc. all organized by episode and character, and with timestamps!

w/ncest shippers get lost

season two.

1. PILOT

Dean—

[Sam: So we kill everything we can find.] Save a lot of people doing it, too. (08:51)

I can’t do this alone. [Sam: Yes, you can.] Yeah. Well, I don’t want to. (09:30)

[Officer: So. Fake U.S. Marshal, fake credit cards. You got anything that’s real?] My boobs. (28:50)

Sam—

When I told Dad I was scared of the thing in my closet, he gave me a .45. [Dean: What was he supposed to do?] I was 9 years old. He was supposed to say, “Don’t be afraid of the dark.” (08:30)

You think Mom would’ve wanted this for us? (08:58)

We were raised like warriors. (09:06)

[Dean: Are you just gonna live some normal, apple-pie life? Is that it?] No, not normal. Safe. [And that’s why you ran away.] I was just going to college. It was Dad who said if I was gonna go, I should stay gone. (09:09)

[Dean: You’re really serious about this, aren’t you? You think you’re just gonna become some lawyer, marry your girl?] Maybe. Why not? [Does Jessica know the truth about you? I mean, does she know about the things you’ve done?] No, and she’s not ever going to know. [Well, that’s healthy. You can pretend all you want, Sammy, but sooner or later you’re gonna have to face up to who you really are.] And who is that? [One of us.] No. I’m not like you. This is not going to be my life. (22:45)

If it weren’t for pictures, I wouldn’t even know what Mom looks like. What difference would it make? Even if we do find the thing that killed her, Mom’s gone, and she isn’t coming back. (23:17)

2. W*ND*G* ( x )

Dean—

Her brother’s missing, Sam. She’s not just gonna sit this out. (14:55)

[Hailey: And you’re hiking out in biker boots and jeans?] Well, sweetheart, I don’t do shorts. (15:54)

I’m supposed to be the belligerent one, remember? (25:13)

The way I see it, Dad’s given us a job to do, and I intend to do it. (26:31)

All that anger, you can’t keep it burning over the long haul. It’s gonna kill you. You gotta have patience, man. [Sam: How do you do it? How does Dad do it?] Well, for one, them. I mean, I figure our family’s so screwed to hell, maybe we can help some others. It makes things a little bit more bearable. And I’ll tell you what else helps. Killing as many evil sons of bitches as I possibly can. (27:05)

Sam—

[Dean: No, you’re not fine. You’re like a powder keg, man. It’s not like you.] (25:06)

3. DEAD IN THE WATER

Dean—

You don’t think I want to find Dad as much as you do? [Sam: Yeah, I know you do, it’s just—] I’m the one that’s been with him every single day for the past two years while you’ve been off to college going to pep rallies. We will find Dad, but until then, we’re gonna kill everything bad between here and there, okay? (04:09)

Well, maybe you don’t think anyone will listen to you, or... or believe you. I want you to know that I will. (11:58)

You’re scared. It’s okay. I understand. See, when I was your age, I saw something real bad happen to my mom, and I was scared, too. I didn’t feel like talking, just like you. But see, my mom—I know she wanted me to be brave. I think about that everyday. And I do my best to be brave. (20:14)

What if we missed something? What if more people get hurt? [Sam: But why would you think that?] Because Lucas was really scared. [That’s what this is about?] I just don’t want to leave town until I know the kid’s okay. (29:48)

Sam—

People don’t just disappear, Dean. Other people just stop looking for them. (03:51)

4. PHANTOM TRAVELER

Dean—

It’s your job to keep my ass alive, so I need you sharp. (05:18)

Sam—

[Dean: It’s your job to keep my ass alive, so I need you sharp.] (05:18)

[Jerry: Well, he was real proud of you, I could tell. You know, he talked about you all the time.] He did? (07:09)

Hey, hey, it’s just a little turbulence. [Sam, this place is going to crash, okay? So quit treating me like I’m friggin’ 4.] You need to calm down. [Well, I’m sorry, I can’t!] Yes, you can. [Dude. Stow the touchy-feely, self-help yoga crap. It’s not helping.] Listen, if you’re panicked, you’re wide open to demonic possession, so you need to calm yourself down right now. (30:26)

5. BLOODY MARY

Dean—

Do I look like Paris Hilton? (18:08)

Her boyfriend killing himself, that’s not really Charlie’s fault. (29:54)

Now listen to me. It wasn’t your fault. It you want to blame something, then blame the thing that killed her. Or, hell, why don’t you take a swing at me? I’m the one that dragged you away from her. [Sam: I don’t blame you.] Well, you shouldn’t blame yourself, because there’s nothing you could’ve done. (31:24)

Sam—

[Dean: Hell, why don’t you take a swing at me? I’m the one that dragged you away from her.] I don’t blame you. (31:37)

Charlie. Your boyfriend’s death, you really should try to forgive yourself. No matter what you did, you probably couldn’t have stopped it. Sometimes bad things just happen. (40:37)

6. SKIN

Dean—

He’s sure got issues with you. You got to go to college. He had to stay home. I mean, I had to stay home with Dad. You don’t think I had dreams of my own? But Dad needed me. See, deep down, I’m just jealous. You got friends, you could have a life. Me? I know I’m a freak. And sooner or later, everybody’s gonna leave me. [Sam: What are you talking about?] You left. Hell, I did everything Dad asked me to, and he ditched me, too. (24:21)

Sam—

[Rebecca: It must be lonely.] Oh, no. No, it’s not so bad. Anyway, what can I do? It’s my family. (39:02)

Misc—

Shifter: Evolution is about mutation, right? So maybe this thing was born human, but was different. Hideous and hated. Until he learned to become someone else. (27:14)

7. HOOK MAN

Dean—

I told you, you don’t have to be a college graduate to be a genius. (14:59)

[Sam: Hey, be quiet.] Me be quiet? You be quiet! (19:48)

Sam—

[Dean: You’ve been holding out on me. This college thing is awesome!] This wasn’t really my experience. [Let me guess—library, studying, straight A’s. What a geek.] (21:30)

8. BUGS

Dean—

Growing up in a place like this would freak me out. [Sam: Why?] The manicured lawns, how-was-your-day-honey? I’d blow my brains out. [There’s nothing wrong with normal.] I’d take our family over normal any day. (08:21)

[Sam: You’ll be able to get out of that house and away from your dad.] What kind of advice is that? Kid should stick with his family. (20:26)

Hey, so with that kid back there, how could you tell him to just ditch his family like that? [Sam: Just, uh, I know what the kid’s going through.] How about telling him to respect his old man? How’s that for advice? (23:20)

Matt, under no circumstances are you to tell the truth. He’ll just think you’re nuts. Tell him you have a sharp pain in your right side and you gotta go to the hospital, okay? [Matt: Yeah, okay.] Make him listen? What are you thinking? (32:44)

Sam—

Remind you of somebody? Dad? [Dean: Dad never treated us like that.] Well, Dad never treated you like that. You were perfect. He was all over my case. ...You don’t remember. [Dean: Well, maybe he had to raise his voice but sometimes you were out of line.] Right. Right, like when I said I’d rather play soccer than learn bowhunting. (11:46)

[Matt: Larry doesn’t listen to me.] Why not? [Mostly? He’s too disappointed in his freak son.] I hear ya. [Dean: You do?] Matt, how old are you? [Matt: Sixteen.] Well, don’t sweat it, ‘cause in two years something great’s gonna happen. [What?] College. You’ll be able to get out of that house and away from your dad. (20:04)

[Dean: Hey, so with that kid back there, how could you tell him to just ditch his family like that?] Just, uh, I know what the kid’s going through. [How about telling him to respect his old man? How’s that for advice?] Dean, come on. This isn’t about his old man. You think I didn’t respect Dad, that’s what this is about. [Just forget it, alright? Sorry I brought it up.] I respected him. But no matter what I did, it was never good enough. [So what are you saying, that Dad was disappointed in you?] Was? Is! Always has been. [Why would you think that?] Because I didn’t wanna bowhunt or hustle pool, because I wanted to go to school and live my life, which to our whacked-out family, made me the freak. (23:20)

Dean, you know what most dads are when their kids score a full-ride? Proud. Most dads don’t toss their kids out of the house. [Dean: I remember that fight. In fact, I seem to recall a few choice phrases coming out of your mouth.] You know, truth is, when we finally do find Dad, I don’t know if he’s even gonna wanna see me. (24:05)

9. HOME

Dean—

And then you tell me that I’ve got to go back home, especially when... [Sam: When what?] When I swore to myself that I would never go back there. (07:56)

I remember the fire, the heat. Then I carried you out the front door. [Sam: You did?] Yeah, well, you never knew that? [No.] (12:38)

I don’t know what to do. So, whatever you’re doing. if you could get here... please. I need your help, Dad. (14:45)

Sam—

[Dean: I remember the fire, the heat. Then I carried you out the front door.] You did? [Yeah, well, you never knew that?] No. (12:38)

Misc—

Missouri: All those years ago, real evil came to you. It walked this house. That kind of evil leaves wounds, and sometimes wounds get infected. (27:15)

10. ASYLUM

Dean—

[Sam: This is a job. Dad wants us to work a job.] Yeah, well, maybe we’ll meet up with him. Maybe he’s there. [Maybe he’s not. I mean, he could be sending us there by ourselves to hunt this thing.] Who cares? If he wants us there, it’s good enough for me. [This doesn’t strike you as weird? The texting, the coordinates?] Sam. Dad’s telling us to go somewhere. We’re going. (07:05)

[Sam: We deserve some answers. I mean, this is our family we’re talking about.] I understand that, Sam, but he’s given us an order. [So what, we gotta always follow Dad’s order?] Of course we do. (12:17)

[Sam: I mean, why are we even here? ‘Cause you’re following Dad’s orders like a good little soldier? ‘Cause you always do what he says without question? Are you that desperate for his approval?] (36:52)

Sam—

[Dean: We’ve got to burn Ellicott’s bones, and all this will be over, and you’ll be back to normal.] I am normal. I’m just telling you the truth for the first time. I mean, why are we even here? ‘Cause you’re following Dad’s orders like a good little soldier? ‘Cause you always do what he says without question? Are you that desperate for his approval? [This isn’t you talking.] That’s the difference between you and me. I have a mind of my own. I’m not pathetic like you. [So what are you gonna do? You gonna kill me?] You know, I am sick of doing what you tell me to do. (36:43)

11. SCARECROW

Dean— 

[Sam: I don’t understand the blind faith you have in the man. I mean, it’s like you don’t even question him.] Yeah, it’s called being a good son. You’re a selfish bastard, you know that? You just do whatever you want. You don’t care what anyone thinks. (08:08)

[Sam: You know, if you’re hinting you need my help, just ask.] I’m not hinting anything. Actually, uh... I want you to know... I mean, don’t think... [Yeah. I’m sorry, too.] Sam.... You were right. You got to do your own thing. You got to live your own life. [You serious?] You’ve always known what you want, and you go after it. You stand up to Dad. I mean, you always have. Hell, I wish I.... Anyway. I admire that about you. I’m proud of you, Sammy. [I don’t even know what to say.] Say you’ll take care of yourself. (25:04)

Sam—

[Dean: Dad doesn’t want our help.] I don’t care. [He’s given us an order.] I don’t care. We don’t always have to do what he says. [Sam, Dad is asking us to work jobs, to save lives. It’s important.] Alright, I understand. Believe me, I understand. But I’m talking one week here, man, to get answers. To get revenge. [Alright, look, I know how you feel.] Do you? How old were you when Mom died, 4? Jess died six months ago. How the hell would you know how I feel? (07:25)

[Meg: I had to get away from my family.] Why? [I love my parents. And they wanted what’s best for me. They just didn’t care if I wanted it. I was supposed to be smart, but not smart enough to scare away a husband. Well, it’s just.... Because my family said so, I’m supposed to sit there and do what I was told. So I just went on my own way instead. ...I’m sorry. The things you say to people you hardly know.] No, no, it’s okay. I know how you feel. Remember that brother I mentioned before that I was road-tripping with? It’s kind of the same deal. [And that’s why you’re not riding with him anymore? ...Here’s to us. The food might be bad, and the beds might be hard, but at least we’re living our own lives and nobody else’s.] (21:11)

[Med: You’re running back to your brother? The guy you ran away from? Why, because he won’t pick up his phone? Sam, come with me to California.] I can’t. I’m sorry. [Why not?] He’s my family. (31:13)

12. FAITH

Dean—

Looks like you’re gonna leave town without me. [Sam: What are you talking about? I’m not gonna leave you here.] You better take care of that car. I swear I’ll haunt your ass. [I don’t think that’s funny.] Oh, come on, it’s a little funny. (04:44)

[Sam: Maybe it’s time to have a little faith, Dean.] You know what I got faith in? Reality—knowing what’s really going on. [How can you be a skeptic, with the things we see every day?] Exactly, we see them. We know they’re real. [But if you know evil’s out there, how can you not believe good’s out there too?] ‘Cause I’ve seen what evil does to good people. (08:10)

[Roy: I looked into your heart and you just...stood out from all the rest.] What did you see in my heart? [A young man with an important purpose. A job to do. And it isn’t finished.] (15:27)

You never should’ve brought me here. [Sam: Dean, I was just trying to save your life.] Sam, some guy is dead now because of me. (19:30)

The guy is playing God, deciding who lives and dies. That’s a monster in my book. (22:42)

[Layla: I wish you luck. I really do.] Same to you. You deserve it a lot more than me. (30:38)

[Sam: To cross a line like that, that preacher’s wife—black magic, murder. Evil.] Desperate. Her husband was dying. She would’ve done anything to save him. (31:35)

God save us from half the people who think they’re doing God’s work. (32:04)

[Sam: What’s happening to her is horrible. But what are you gonna do? Let somebody else die to save her? You said it yourself, Dean—you can’t play God.] (32:58)

Must be rough, to believe in something so much and have it disappoint you like that. (40:57)

You know, I’m not much of the praying type, but I’m gonna pray for you. [Layla: Well. There’s a miracle right there.] (42:00)

Sam—

[Dean: I’m gonna die. And you can’t stop it.] Watch me. (05:23)

[Dean: You’re not gonna let me die in peace, are you?] I’m not gonna let you die, period. (07:04)

How can you be a skeptic, with the things we see everyday? [Dean: Exactly, we see them. We know they’re real.] If you know evil’s out there, how can you not believe good’s out there too? (08:18)

[The guy is playing God, deciding who lives and dies. That’s a monster in my book.] No, we’re not gonna kill a human being, Dean. We do that, we’re no better than he is. (22:42)

Misc—

Layla: I guess if you’re gonna have faith, you can’t just have it when the miracles happen. You have to have it when they don’t. (41:19)

13. ROUTE 666

Dean—

[Sam: Look man, everybody’s got to open up to someone sometime.] Yeah, I don’t. It was stupid to get that close. (13:06)

[Cassie: Whenever we get—what’s the word?—close? Anywhere in the neighborhood of emotional vulnerability, you back off or make some joke or find any way to shut the door on me.] (15:19)

Sam—

You told her. You told her the secret. Our big family rule number one—we do what we do and we shut up about it. For a year and a half, I do nothing but lie to Jessica, and you go out with this chick in Ohio a couple of times, and you tell her everything? (04:18)

Oh, my life was so simple. Just school, exams, papers on polycentric cultural norms. [Dean: So I guess I saved you from a boring existence.] Occasionally I miss boring. [So, this killer truck—] I miss conversations that didn’t start with “this killer truck.” (29:31)

Ever make you wonder if it’s worth it? Putting everything on hold, doing what we do? (39:10)

14. NIGHTMARE

Dean—

[Sam: Well, with what he went through, the beatings, to want revenge on those people—I’m sorry, man. I hate to say it, but it’s not that insane.] Yeah, but it doesn’t justify murdering your entire family. [Dean—] He’s no different than anything else we’ve hunted. Alright? We gotta end him. [We’re not gonna kill Max.] Then what? Hand him over to the cops and say, “Lock him up, officer. He kills people with the power of his mind.” [Forget it. No way, man.] Sam— [Dean, he’s a person. We can talk to him. Hey, promise me you’ll follow my lead on this one.] Alright, fine. But I’m not letting him hurt anybody else. (25:01)

[Sam: We’re lucky we had Dad.] I never thought I’d hear you say that. [Well, it could have gone a whole ‘nother way after Mom. A little more tequila, a little less demon hunting, then we would have had Max’s childhood. All things considered, we turned out okay. Thanks to him.] All things considered. (38:27)

As long as I’m around, nothing bad’s gonna happen to you. (41:27)

Sam—

Well, I know one thing I have in common with these people. [Dean: What’s that?] Both our families are cursed. [Our family’s not cursed. We’ve just... had our dark spots.] Our dark spots are pretty dark. (19:13)

I was connecting to Max. The thing I don’t get it why, man. I guess because we’re so alike? [Dean: What are you talking about? Dude’s nothing like you.] Well, we both have psychic abilities. We’re both— [Both what? Sam, Max is a monster. He’s already killed two people, now he’s gunning for a third.] Well, with what he went through, the beatings, to want revenge on those people—I’m sorry, man. I hate to say it, but it’s not that insane. (24:43)

If I just said something else, gotten through to him somehow. [Dean: Don’t do that.] Do what? [Torture yourself. It wouldn’t have mattered what you said. Max was too far gone.] When I think about how he looked at me, man, right before.... I should have done something. [Come on, man, you risked your life. I mean, yeah, maybe if we’d have gotten there 20 years earlier.] Well, I’ll tell you one thing. We’re lucky we had Dad. [I never thought I’d hear you say that.] Well, it could have gone a whole ‘nother way after Mom. A little more tequila, a little less demon hunting, then we would have had Max’s childhood. All things considered, we turned out okay. Thanks to him. (38:03)

15. THE BENDERS

Dean—

Look... he’s family. And I kind of—I kind of look out for the kid. You gotta let me go with you. [Kathleen: I’m sorry, I can’t do that.] Well, tell me something. Your country has its fair share of missing persons. Any of ‘em come back? Sam’s my responsibility, and he’s coming back. I’m bringing him back. (08:56)

When we were young, I pretty much pulled him from a fire. And ever since then, I’ve felt responsible for him. You know, like it’s my job to keep him safe. I’m just afraid if we don’t find him fast.... Please. He’s my family. (15:04)

Demons, I get. People are crazy. (28:08)

If you hurt my brother, I’ll kill you, I swear. I’ll kill you all. I will kill you all! (35:54)

16. SHADOW

Dean— 

[Sam: What are you gonna do when it’s all over?] It’s never gonna be over. There’s gonna be others. There’s always gonna be something to hunt. [But there’s got to be something that you want for yourself.] Yeah, I don’t want you to leave the second this thing’s over, Sam. [Dude. What’s your problem?] Why do you think I drag you everywhere, huh? Why do you think I came and got you at Stanford in the first place? [’Cause Dad was in trouble. ‘Cause you wanted to find the thing that killed Mom.] Yes, that, but it’s more than that, man. You and me and Dad. I want us to be together again. I want us to be a family again. [Dean, we are a family. I’d do anything for you. But things will never be the way they were before.] They could be. (24:04)

Sam— 

What if this whole thing was over tonight? Man, I’d sleep for a month. Go back to school, just be a person again. (23:42)

Dean, we are a family. I’d do anything for you. But things will never be the way they were before. [Dean: They could be.] I don’t want them to be. I’m not gonna live this life forever. Dean, when this is all over, you’re gonna have to let me go my own way. (25:02)

Misc—

[Sam: Go to hell.] Meg: Baby, I’m already there. (30:22)

17. HELL HOUSE

Dean—

People believe in Santa Clause. How come I’m not getting hooked up every Christmas? [Sam: ‘Cause you’re a bad person.] (27:01)

Sam—

Man, we’re not kids anymore, Dean. We’re not gonna start that crap up again. [Dean: Start what up?] That prank stuff. It’s stupid, and it always escalates. (04:24)

Kind of makes you wonder—of all the things we hunted, how many existed just ‘cause people believed in them? (37:17)

18. SOMETHING WICKED THIS WAY COMES

Dean—

[Sam: What makes you so sure?] Well, because I’m the oldest, which means I’m always right. [No it doesn’t.] It totally does. (03:38)

Listen to me. I can promise you that this is not your fault, okay? [Michael: It’s my job to look after him.] (20:53)

I know how you feel, I’m a big brother, too. But you got to go easy on your mom right now, okay? (21:24)

Dad did not send me here to walk away. [Sam: Send you here? He didn’t send you here, he sent us here.] This isn’t about you, Sam, alright? I’m the one that screwed up. It’s my fault. There’s no telling how many kids have gotten hurt because of me. (25:35)

Dad never spoke about it again. I didn’t ask. But he, uh... he looked at me different, you know, which was worse. Not that I blame him. He gave me an order, and I didn’t listen, and I almost got you killed. [Sam: You were just a kid.] Don’t—don’t. Dad knew this was unfinished business for me. He sent me here to finish it. (29:26)

Are you sure you want to do this? You don’t have to. It’s okay, I won’t be mad. (33:57)

[Sam: Sometimes I wish that...] What? [I wish I could have that kind of innocence.] If it means anything, sometimes I wish you could, too. (40:05)

Sam—

Dean, I’m sorry. [Dean: For what?] You know. I’ve really given you a lot of crap for always following Dad’s orders, but I know why you do it. (34:39)

Sometimes I wish that... [Dean: What?] I wish I could have that kind of innocence. [If it means anything, sometimes I wish you could, too.] (40:05)

19. PROVENANCE

Dean— 

I’m sure that this is about Jessica, right? Now, I don’t know what it’s like to lose somebody like that, but... I would think that she would want you to be happy. God forbid have fun once in a while. (20:47)

Sam—

I had a girlfriend. And she died. And my mom died, too. I don’t know, it’s like... it’s like I’m cursed or something. Like death just follows me around. Look, I’m not scared of much, but if I let myself have feelings for anybody— [Sarah: You’re scared they get hurt, too.] (30:39)

Misc—

Sarah: I know, losing somebody you love—it’s terrible. You shut yourself off. Believe me, I know. But when you shut out pain, you shut out everything else, too. (31:27)

20. DEAD MAN’S BLOOD

Dean—

He does what he does for a reason. [Sam: What reason?] Our job. There’s no time to argue. There’s no margin for error, alright? It’s just the way the old man runs things. [Yeah, well, maybe that worked when we were kids, but not anymore, alright? Not after everything you and I have been through, Dean. I mean, are you telling me you’re cool with just falling into line and letting him run the whole show?] If that’s what it takes. (14:51)

Sam—

I’m happy he’s okay, alright? I’m happy that we’re all working together. [Dean: Good.] It’s just the way he treats us like children. [Oh, God.] He barks orders at us, Dean. He expects us to follow him without question. He keeps us on some crap need-to-know deal. [He does what he does for a reason.] What reason? [Our job. There’s no time to argue. There’s no margin for error, alright? It’s just the way the old man runs things.] Yeah, well, maybe that worked when we were kids, but not anymore, alright? Not after everything you and I have been through, Dean. I mean, are you telling me you’re cool with just falling into line and letting him run the whole show? (14:51)

[John: You left. Your brother and me, we needed you. You walked away, Sam. You walked away!] You’re the one who said “Don’t come back,” Dad. You’re the one who closed that door, not me! You were just pissed off that you couldn’t control me anymore! (19:27)

[John: Sammy, it never occurred to me what you wanted. I just couldn’t accept the fact that you and me, we’re just different.] We’re not different. Not anymore. With what happened to Mom and Jess, we probably have a lot more in common than just about anyone. (29:20)

Misc—

John: This is never the life that I wanted for you. [Sam: Then why’d you get so mad when I left?] You got to understand something. After your mother passed, all I saw was evil, everywhere. And all I cared about was keeping you boys alive. I wanted you prepared, ready. So somewhere along the line, I stopped being your father. I became your drill sergeant. So when you said that you wanted to go away to school, all I could think about, my only thought was that you were gonna be alone, vulnerable. (28:21)

21. SALVATION

Dean—

For the last time, what happened to them is not your fault. [Sam: Yeah, you’re right, it’s not my fault, but it’s my problem!] No, it’s not your problem, it’s our problem! (05:42)

You’re just willing to sacrifice yourself, is that it? [Sam: Yeah. Yeah, you’re damn right I am.] Yeah, well, that’s not gonna happen—not as long as I’m around. [What the hell are you talking about, Dean? We’ve been searching for this demon our whole lives. It’s the only thing we’ve ever cared abut.] Sam, I want to waste it, I do, okay? But it’s not worth dying over. [What?] I mean it. If hunting this demon means you getting yourself killed, then I hope we never find the damn thing. [That thing killed Jess. That thing killed Mom,] You said yourself once that no matter what we do, they’re gone. And they’re never coming back. [Don’t you say that! Don’t you—not after all this, don’t you say that.] Sam, look. The three of us, that’s all we have. And it’s all I have. Sometimes I feel like I’m barely holding it together, man. Without you or Dad.... (37:51)

Sam—

So Mom’s death, Jessica—it’s all because of me? [Dean: We don’t know that, Sam.] Oh really? ‘Cause I’d say we’re pretty damn sure, Dean! [For the last time, what happened to them is not your fault.] Yeah, you’re right, it’s not my fault, but it’s my problem! (05:34)

Misc—

John: I want to stop losing people we love. I want you to go to school. I want Dean to have a home. I want Mary alive. I just want this to be over. (21:10)

22. DEVIL’S TRAP

Dean—

You know that guy I shot? There was a person in there. [Sam: You didn’t have a choice, Dean.] I know. That’s not what bothers me. [Then what does?] Killing that guy, killing Meg... I didn’t hesitate. I didn’t even flinch. For you or Dad, the things I’m willing to do or kill, it’s just... it scares me sometimes. [Azazel!John: It shouldn’t. You did good.] You’re not mad? [For what?] Using a bullet. [Mad? I’m proud of you. You know, Sam and I, we can get pretty obsessed. But you, you watch out for this family. You always have.] (29:41)

Listen, you mind just getting this over with, huh? ‘Cause I really can’t stand the monologuing. [Azazel: Funny, but that’s all part of your M.O., isn’t it? Mask all that nasty pain, mask the truth.] Oh yeah? What’s that? [You know, you fight and you fight for this family, but the truth is, they don’t need you. Not like you need them. Sam—he’s clearly John’s favorite. Even when they fight, it’s more concern than he’s ever shown you.] (36:52)

Sam—

[Dean: Well, you and Dad are a lot more alike than I thought, you know that? You both can’t wait to sacrifice yourself for this thing. But you know what? I’m gonna be the one to bury you. You’re selfish, you know that? You don’t care about anything but revenge.] (19:24)

Misc—

Azazel: He’s gonna tear you apart. He’s gonna taste the iron in your blood. [Dean: Let him go, or I swear to God—] What? What are you and God gonna do? (35:09)

#finally posting this 😜 #tagging the ppl who said they'd be interested!! #lukeskysaunter #ijaazat #let me know if you want to be removed from/added to the tag list for future posts like this :) #spn #supernatural #ej.pdf #dean winchester #sam winchester #spn season 1 #spn season one #spn quotes

[lol-jackles]

Hi! I just want you to know that I love your blog, you are like one of the few people in this fandom with braincells. Your posts are really interesting and objective, they're like a breath of fresh air in this hellsite. Anyways, I wanted to ask you what is your ideal ending for spn? What would make the most sense to you, o r how do yo think it will end? (I'm 99% sure nobody asked you this yet, so sorry if I'm wrong and you already answered). Thank you for your awesomeness.

For 15x19 (seaon finale) I think Sam and Dean will die stopping Billie from ending Existence.   Prime earth is Chuck’s favorite story and he doesn’t want to destroy it, so Billie brings back Lucifer from the Empty like she did Jack, which triggers Michael’s apocalypse boner.  Sam and Dean agree to become vessels again but this time they are abe to overcome their possession and use Lucifer and Michael’s power to stop Billie and send all angels including the inferno Jo into the Empty.  In this Swan Song 2.0, Sam!Lucifer and Dean!Michael throw themselves into the Empty.  Right before the Empty is sealed, Chuck saves Sam and Dean and put them in their shared heaven.  He upgrade Sam and Dean as new angels so that heaven doesn’t fall apart.  Sam and Dean are now in charge of heaven.

For 15x20 (series finale) Sam and Dean are in heaven together visiting their greatest hits to resolve any loose ends or lingering issues.  Like the story of Noah’s Ark, God promised Sam and Dean that the prime earth will be spared and heaven, hell, and purgatory will be sealed so not to interfer with human lives, freeing humans to make their own destiny.

Feel free to come back here after the finale airs to point and laugh at me if none of this happens.

With that said, my ideal ending is for Sam and Dean to become the new Light and Dark.  The angels are extinct so Sam makes new angels from dead hunters like Bobby, Rufus, Elle, Jo, Mary, grandpa Samuel, John, Henry etc, to be guardians of both heaven and humanity.  This makes use of leader!Sam of season 12 and 14. Once earth is taken care of, Sam and Dean leave to explore the cosmos together.

Even though I don’t believe the season is building up to this, to me it makes sense.  Dean and Sam’s confrontation with God in season 11 and 14 respectively are very much how they’ve reacted to family and authority their entire lives: Dean accused God of abandoning His Creation while Sam challenged God’s Divine decree over His Creation.  Like Arbraham, how could mere humans stand before the Creator of the Universe and challenge Him?  Because it’s actually a lesson in honest, meaningful relationships with our fellow human beings.  How often do we suppress our true selves and our own principles for the sake of avoiding conflict instead of taking the relationship a step further into a place of sincerity?  Sam and Dean take turns hiding secrets from eachother that always blow up in their faces and threaten their relationship.  Fans noted that season 11 was the first time in a long time that the brothers are acting like brothers without repetitve arguements between them, even Dean’s secret longing for Darkness didn’t anger nor drive Sam away but instead assured Dean that Sam has his back.  Season 11 was also the first time they officially meet God as the Creator, not as Chuck.

Abraham  approached God over His plan to destroy Sodom & Gemorrah with a sense of determination, respect, and self-reflection. And out of a moment fraught with intimidation, Abraham speak his heart and mind and transcends himself - leading the way for God.  Dean and Sam speak their heart and mind to God, season 11 and 14 respectively, between those seasons the brother’s relationship was the strongest, never wavering even when occasional arguements sprout up because they were honest with eachother.  Biblical Abraham becomes of the father of faith.  The Winchester Gospel makes their way into the mainstream to become inspiration of the masses.

#supernatural #finale #sam winchester #dean winchester #michiowo

[hellerism]

Rank Supernatural's showrunners from least fav to most fav and explain why (include any spicy drama and takes).

ooooh hm ok.....gonna have to think about this one

4. miss sera homophobia gamble. this one is just a given; seasons 6 and 7 are widely known as the two worst seasons of supernatural. she is such a mystery to me, bc she tried to permakill cas, but she was the one who convinced kripke to introduce cas in the first place so like...she did that to herself. she’s also written some of my favorite episodes, including dead in the water, so. what goes on sera. my general opinion on her is that she’s a good writer for individual episodes but she should never be handed the reins for an entire show and also she needs someone to check her for the casual homophobia she always sprinkles in for flavor.

3. andrew dabb. i did enjoy parts of his seasons! i loooove dadstiel and their little family, and i think jack was one of the best things to happen to supernatural in a long time. the deconstruction of mary in season 12 makes me absolutely insane. however, his seasons are also...boring. his overarching plots like the british men of letters and aw michael were very underwhelming. season 12 was the first season i watched live and is also one of my least favorites. i also hate whatever vendetta he had against dean like. look how they massacred my boy. and his glorification of john is unacceptable. he deserves jail for lebanon, even if i do enjoy some of the other episodes he’s written.

now, for season 15, i LOVED the idea behind it. i loved the themes of free will, fans taking over the narrative, death of the author, etc. i thought chuck was a great villain, and i genuinely liked how most of it was executed. of course it all fell apart at the very end, and i wish we knew why. i want to know if this was always dabbs plan or if he was forced to change the ending, and if he was forced to change it, what was it originally supposed to be? i just want to know who to blame.

2. jeremy carver. now, his era is the one i remember the least of, but most of what i do remember is very good. season 8 was obviously one of the best seasons for deancas (it’s called season gr8 for a reason) and i do remember enjoying 11. couldn’t tell you a thing about 9 or 10. his biggest crimes were killing off both kevin and charlie (i mean even if he didn’t write those episodes he still let it happen), so i dislike him for that. again i don’t remember much else so i can’t really say more about his era.

other than that i generally enjoy carvers writing. ive noticed he’s written some of the more baity deancas episodes. like he was insane for free to be you and me. im not sure when he switched to actually supporting it but hey im glad he did.

1. and yes, unfortunately, that leaves kripke as my favorite spn showrunner. despite everything his era is my favorite. sure, a lot of the things that were cohesive about seasons 1-5 were by sheer luck and coincidence, but at least they were cohesive. the story and aesthetics were great, sam was an actual character with personality and motivations (early seasons bitchy bloodfreak sammy supremacy), and each season raised the stakes in an organic way so that the danger actually felt real. i like most of the episodes that he wrote. however just bc he’s (sigh) my favorite showrunner doesn’t mean i like him and i’d verbally abuse him if i ever saw him irl.

kripke era suffers from a lot of misogyny homophobia and racism (they all do). even though i enjoyed season 1 it was especially bad to indigenous people, and im sure it does not get better from there. i am not looking forward to the gordon storyline when i rewatch season 2. plus there’s the whole “supernatural is built on the white supremacist ideal that white suburbia needs to be defended from the Other” thing that kripke is responsible for bc he created the show but never bothered to interrogate (except for gordon but im sure i dont have to explain why that did not work at all). the writing for all the women was atrocious and obviously there’s all the homophobic jabs and jokes but whatever we already knew that i can just brush the misogyny and homophobia off. and honestly the casual homophobia is funny sometimes.

tldr: there are no good supernatural showrunners they all suck

#i should’ve been the supernatural showrunner i could fix the show #also sorry i don’t know much about behind the scenes drama i dont seek that out on my own #ask

[musingsofanunorgainizedmind]

Top 10 Things I Love About Supernatural

It’s been almost half a year since the show ended and now that the dust has settlIed, I just want to list ten reasons I love this show. Despite it’s flaws, it’s been quite the ride.

1. Team Free Will

When I first got the idea to make this list, I originally planned on doing entirely separate entries for “Sam & Dean” and “Destiel”. Except then I wanted to pay tribute to “Sastiel”. And then I wanted to do an entry for “Team Free Dads”. By that point, I was already halfway through the list and I hadn’t even moved on from the main characters. A few months ago, I made a post about why I love every single pairing in this group. Obviously, Sam and Dean are a legendary duo. Obviously, Dean and Cas have an unparalleled story. Obviously, Sam and Cas are an underrated team. As for Team Free Dads, I’ve always had a soft spot for father/mentor figure characters and and all three tackle the role in different ways. I love Jack, too. I love how everyone in this bizarro family is “broken” in some way. We’ve got the Allistair’s prized pupil, the spawn of satan, the boy with demon blood, and the angel who nearly obliterated all of heaven. But they help each other heal by being supportive and seeing the good in each other. They all love each other so deeply and when together, nothing can stand in their way. Not Michael, not Lucifer, and not God himself. They tore up the book and wrote their own story. And it was a pleasure to watch it all unfold.

2. The Suppporting Characters

To list every single supporting character I have loved and lost in this show would take way too long. I don’t know if it’s the writing or acting performances, but I love pretty much every single supporting character on this show. Even villains like Azazel or Allistair are top-notch villains. Hell, I even like characters like Metatron, Lucifer, Mary, and John! Characters like Rufus, Charlie, Crowley, Rowena, Kevin, Ellen, Jo, Bobby, Gabriel, Balthazar, Mick...how am I not supposed to love them??? All of their stories were cut so short. I’d watch a show about any of these characters. The Wayward Sisters were robbed. So many ships were gone too soon (Sam/Rowena, Dean/Jo, Cas/Meg, Etc.). So many heartbreaking deaths. I want to be best friends with all these characters. Why be a “dean-girl” or a “sam-girl” when you can be a garth-girl? A kevin-girl? A claire-girl? A bela-girl? There are so many great characters with interesting and compelling backstories and so much untapped potential. I could go on forever on this, but I digress.This show has one of the best supporting casts I have ever had the pleasure of watching.

3. The Themes

It’s no accident that I got addicted to this show at the time that I did. Namely, my Senior Year of College and 2020. Graduating college and entering the “real world” felt like it’s own sort of apocalypse. 2020 definitely exacerbated my worst tendencies. Messages like “family don’t end in blood”, “you can write your own story”, and “always keep fighting” really resonated with me. I could definitely relate to the feelings of insecurity these character’s felt and the ways they suppressed/repressed their issues instead of facing them. I could relate to the feelings of not fitting in and I could definitely relate to the loneliness. This show helped remind me that I’m not alone. That it’s okay if my values and identity don’t line up with the what I envisioned for myself. And, most importantly, that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that I should never give up. If Dean, Sam, and Cas can keep moving forward despite their demons and despite how bad it gets, so can I. Regardless of how the story ended, these themes resonated with me and I’ll still hold them with me. A single episode can’t take that away.

4. The Fun Episodes

This show has so many legendary standalone episodes. Changing Channels. Ghostfacers. The French Mistake. Fan Fiction. Tall Tales. Bad Day at Black Rock. When this show goes for the absurd, it goes all-in. It takes the risks it needs to take, it gets completely insane, and it pulls it off. So many of these episodes could have easily been the moment that the show “jumped the shark”. Yet, time after time, the show delivered on it’s potential. I don’t know how much I can say about these episodes except that they made me laugh out loud, made me fall even harder for these characters, and that they’re the episodes I remember best. If I were to rewatch any episode, it would be one of the fun ones. This show knew how to not take itself too seriously and how to poke fun at itself. I’ve always had a soft spot for shows that can make me laugh and cry (X-Files, Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel, Doctor Who, etc.), and this show definitely nails the fun part. 

5. The Sad Episodes

Death’s Door. Hammer of the Gods. Despair. Carry On. Abandon All Hope. In My Time of Dying. Swan Song. When this show wants you to cry, it doesn’t pull the punches. It gets downright devastating. No character is safe. Literally every character you love will either be forgotten or will die. Or both. The amount of trauma Sam and Dean have to go through is insane. Both have literally been to hell and back. Both have killed countless people, including innocents. When this show decides it wants to wreck you, it’s overwhelming. I sobbed when Bobby died. I sobbed when every single member of Team Free Will died for the final time (I still can’t watch any of those scenes). I still wish Jo, Ellen, Charlie, Kevin, Mick, and Gabriel had been given more time to tell their stories. Being a hunter means a life of endless angst. Being an angel or demon doesn’t get you off the hook, either. I remember going into this show thinking it couldn’t hurt me. My favorite character type is “mentor/father figure”. But holy hell...I don’t think every single sad moment was necessarily good writing, but when it was? Damn. 

6. The Biblical Themes

I’m not a relgious person. But, despite this show being steeped in Christian mythology, it really touched on my feelings about the Old Testament in a profound way. Well, really just Ben Edlund and Robbie Thompson did. I’ve never seen a show really hit the overall feel of the bible the way this show does. The idea of Angels as mystical and terrifying creatures. The idea of God as a flawed father figure with a penchant for wrath. The sheer epicness of the biblical stories. The idea of family members constantly being turned on each other. Cain and Abel. Jacob and Essau. Moses and Ramses. Moses and Aaron. Abraham and Isaac. The bible is full of stories of family drama. This show doesn’t always give angels and demons weight. Sometimes it’s silly and stupid and cheesy. But when it hits right? It’s epic. This is more of a personal thing I love about the show, but definitely a plus!

7. The Music

The early seasons music is so good. I really miss the classic rock of the golden era of the show. I mean, there are still some great musical moments later on, but damn. I loved hearing songs I recognized and I loved learning new songs. I loved when the song and the scene hit perfectly in time (Death’s intro. Cas’s return in Season 13.). Also Supernatural wouldn’t be Supernatural without the ‘Carry On My Wayward Son’ song at the end of every season. Even at the end of a season I didn’t love, that recap would always get me pumped. Also Chuck singing Fare Thee Well? Dean and Lee singing together? Fan Fiction? All great. 

8. The Cast & Crew

I never care about the actors or actresses in a show. I definitely don’t bother with the names of specific writers and directors or their styles of writing/directing. They’re just random people who happen to write for or play these characters I love. They’re not actually the characters. But these guys? Well, for one, I’m pretty sure half this cast actually is their character. At least to some degree. They’re also just...really cool people? Who are all friends? They make a point to do community service, to interact with fans, and to promote positive ideas. Jared’s Always Keep Fighting campaign. Misha and GISH. The fact that they all participate in fundraising opportunities and encourage fan engagement. Do they all have issues? Definitely. Have they said stupid things? Yes. But the good far outweighs the bad. They’re an entertaining bunch whether onscreen or not and I hope they all do well in whatever their future endeavors may be.  

9. The Fandom

I joined this fandom late. To be honest, I thought this fandom was obnoxious before I found myself a part of it. Now that I’ve been in the trenches? It’s got it’s ups and downs like any fandom. There are some parts that are more toxic than others. A lot of people yelling that their opinion is the only opinion. But overall? The good outweighs the bad. And the good? The good is great. Some fanfictions I’ve read are better than actual books I’ve read and just as moving. The fanart? Incredible. I love reading all the metas about random aspects of the show I never would have noticed. I love the music videos and I love the analytical videos. In real life, I’ve made many friends through our mutual love of this show. Hell, even getting sucked into GISH once or twice has given me some solid memories and brought me closer to friends. I wish all fandoms were this much like family. I’m so glad I got to be a part of this fandom and I can’t wait to continue being a fan. After all, nothing ever stays dead in Supernatural.

10. The Chaos & Insanity

Season 16 has been a time. First, Destiel went canon. Then suddenly Sherlock was having a 5th season, Putin was retiring, and Georgia was going blue. Destiel going “canon” and Joe Biden winning the presidency will always be correlated in my mind now. Things in the fandom went from quiet to blaringly loud real fast. Carry On happened. The fandom went into a civil war. I can’t even remember half of what happened in Season 16, but it’s been a wild ride. There’s been ups (my personal favorite being the french dub and the Saileen wedding). There’s been downs (Jared’s controversial statements and the original scripts being leaked). At one point Misha Collins had sex with Bill Clinton???? It’s been a wild time. It’s honestly gotten me through the end of this pandemic. At least it’s entertaining. I would say that at least all the craziness is over, but is it ever really over? Every time I say that something else completely insane happens. But it’s been fun. I’m glad I started watching this show despite my reservations and here’s to whatever happens next. 

#team free will #team free will 2.0 #castiel #jack kline #sam winchester #dean winchester #sam and dean #destiel #wayward sisters #supernatural #spn #misha collins #jared padalecki #jensen ackles

[niffleheim]

SAM WINCHESTER - ━━ ◤ ( MOTEL HOLIDAYS WITH GAS STATION GIFTS, NIGHTS ON THE ROAD LISTENING QUIETLY TO CLASSIC ROCK, YEARS OLD FANNEL WORN OVER AND OVER, AND DEEP FOREST GREEN ) welcome, SAM WINCHESTER, HE/HIM. before you move in, tell us what you remember: LUCIFER POSSESSING CASTIEL. excellent, now we are pleased to accept your offer to live HUNTING DOG CABINS, and your new job as PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR is waiting for you to begin. ( SUPERNATURAL AND JARED PADALECKI )

THE BASICS

NAME: sam winchester

NICKNAMES: sammy

BIRTHDAY: may 2nd, 1983

AGE: 31

PRONOUNS: he/him

LAST KNOWN MEMORY: lucifer possessing castiel with the promise of helping rid dean of the mark of cain

ORIGINATION: supernatural

FACECLAIM: jared padalecki

THE DETAILS

FAMILY: dean winchester ( brother ), adam ( ancestor, deceased ), eve ( ancestor, deceased ), cain ( ancestor, deceased ), able ( ancestor, deceased ), henry winchester ( grandfather, deceased ), millie winchester ( grandmother, deceased ), samuel campbell ( grandfather, deceased ), deanna campbell ( grandmother, deceased ), john winchester ( father, deceased ), mary winchester ( mother, deceased ), bobby singer ( surrogate father, deceased ), adam milligan ( half-brother, deceased ), jack kline ( surrogate son )

THREE FAVORITE THINGS: long nights on the road listening to music with dean, true crime murder documentaries, a glass of whiskey at the end of a long day

EDUCATION: high school ged and an incomplete law degree.

SKILLS: hand to hand combat, varied weapons expert, extremely clever, skilled researcher, able to disappear and help others disappear, can track just about anyone, fluency in latin and suitable enochian, interrogation, tall

HEADCANONS: sam has been known to have what he calls ‘deja vu’ dreams. they’re not exactly impressive premonitions, but he recognizes conversations he’s had in dreams before, feelings, sights, etc. he’s only told dean about them, because he knows how it sounds. because of these experiences, his waking dreams have left him feeling unsettled. surely they aren’t to be believed – but it wouldn’t be the first time a dream has been more than a dream. that concern is one he hasn’t yet shared, but the people who have appeared in these waking dreams may notice him acting a little stranger than usual as a result. in this life, his mother, mary, died while giving birth to sam, creating a rocky relationship between him and his family – or, rather, him and his father, john. sam idolized dean, but because of john, felt the constant need to be better, do better, be... different. he tried out law school, but upon receiving news about john’s death, returned. law school wasn’t right for him, and he always knew it. the truth is, their surrogate father, bobby singer, killed john. and he was right to do it. john was drunk, belligerent, dangerous, and armed. he could and would have taken out any kind of town authority that tried to put him down, so bobby did it for them. sam expected to feel shock, rage, sadness, anything, but really... what he felt was relief. he never would have wished his father dead, but after the fact, he knew life would be different. better. and the only thing that mattered was protecting bobby – so he and dean did. he currently thinks he just came home from a road trip to south dakota, where he was visiting bobby to help him with his coming move to decimation.

WHAT THEY’RE PLANNING TO DO IN DECIMATION: he doesn’t exactly have a plan. decimation is his home; where dean goes, sam will follow. he’s happy here, and he plans to hold onto that happiness with his brother.

#❛ ━━ i’m not evil. i’m not. ⌜ SAM WINCHESTER ⌟ #decimation:intro

[fogsrollingin]

Title: LEAVE DEAN WINCHESTER’S CHILDHOOD ALONE YOU MONSTERS (😂) Author: fogsrollingin Fandom: Supernatural Story details: S15E15 Gimme Shelter spoilers, rated PG, 1k words, meta essay, nonfiction. Summary: After noodling on it, I’ve decided there’s some problems with that scene between Dean and Amara on why she brought Mary back.

“I wanted you to see that your mother was just a person, that the myth you'd held onto for so long of a better life, a life where she'd lived was just that, a myth. I wanted you to see that the real complicated Mary was better than your childhood dream because she was real. That now is always better than then. That you could finally start to accept your life.“

I know Dean contains multitudes but in canon, Dean never really had a myth of a better life if she’d lived growing up. That was Sam.

And Dean didn’t have a false myth dream version of his mother, he had concrete childhood memories that Amara should never have set out to diminish. 

So when in canon did Dean ever show he had a myth of her living and subsequently everybody having a better life? I can only think of the djinn episode but that episode had a very 'be careful what you wish for’ message to it where yeah their mom was alive but John was dead, Dean was a deadbeat asshole, and Sam didn’t love him. Even back then Dean knew so well that life was complicated and flawed that it even made it into his friggin’ djinn dream. This man knows reality to his deepest core. He also killed himself to get back to reality, knowing full well what was real was better. Dean has never gotten lost in lalaland thinking his dream world was preferable to reality. I have no idea why Amara would think this was a lesson he needed to learn.

On pedestaling Mary: Dean knew Mary for the first 4 years of his life. This means a ton of those soft lovely memories he had of her were probably 100% real. Bath time, bottles, sandwiches, naptime, playgrounds, a nice house, beautiful Kansas plains and weather, living as a child during the best decade of toys, etc. What was the problem with remembering an awesome mom like that from when you were four? Answer: nothing.

For years in the beginning of this series it was always Sam with the misguided illusion that normal meant safe, functional, sunshine and lollipops. And Dean was always trying to tell him normal didn't mean any of that. (is this meta you’re reading right now written by a person who wrote a 15k fic on Sam realizing that normal =/= functional or happy when he’s 14 yo? yes)

If anything, Dean's journey throughout the years has been about how Sam has always been a little right that there's merit to normal, civilian life. Realizing that Sam was in lalaland and pedestaling a lot of shallow inconsequential stuff he naively associated with normal but not all of it was empty. He wanted more support and stability in his life, and through years of great character development it’s dawned on Dean how completely justified and entitled Sam was in wanting that. (and recognizing John wasn’t a hero but a shithead for depriving them both of it. Honestly if anyone needed myths about their parents destroyed, it was Dean with his dad, not his mom, because his belief in his father up til he was twenty-friggin-seven was harmful in a myriad of ways whereas his memories of his mother were probably just some great sources of comfort and love)

Back to this episode. With Amara. Trying to tell Dean she was seeking to abolish the 'myth' of a perfect mom from when he was 4? Like??? I hope that impression Dean had of her wasn't abolished. Most everyone with a half-decent mom has memories of them being perfect and beautiful at the age of four. And that image of her typically lasts until you start growing up in your teens where you still adore them (provided they’re more than a half-decent mom) but you learn their personality, their idiosyncracies, their flaws and limits. And it's great because it's real, sure, but both you and your mom still remember and appreciate your past together fondly. Nobody wants those times framed as myths, illusions that should be exposed and shattered. Everyone is entitled to them (and Dean had scant few of them; why would Amara ever want to spoil them? Wtf)

Turn around though and you’ve got Sam. Sam, who grew up dreaming of a normal life like he’d never seen the movie Ordinary People and thought “wow, even if we’d been normal, Dean could’ve died in a boating accident and mom could’ve been Mary Tyler Moore for all I know,” lol. Sam didn’t know Mary, didn’t remember her. In canon, all his dreams and hallucinations of her being kind and supportive (or being mean to him in that ep where Zachariah’s messing with him, it signifies something terrifying for him because he holds to his myth of her so tightly), that was all Sam literally putting her on a pedestal, imagining perfection.

So, I don’t know. I guess if this was the goal all along for Amara, she chose the wrong brother to do this to, but also I think it’s just pretty mean no matter which brother she chose to do this to: “I want you to meet your mother as an adult and know her as a real person because how you see your mother in your childhood is a myth” is really messed up. 

And you could chalk it up to Amara not understanding humanity but the scene was played like it was emotional, like what she was trying to do was valuable, and I’ve read positive reactions to this scene (“I can taste the character development”) and I’m not totally cool with it. 

There was nothing wrong with Dean loving his mother with the memories he had when he was four, and I hope none of those memories (or the feelings of being loved they evoked) were degraded in any way by knowing her as the mild and caring adult she turned out to be.

#spn spoilers #spn s15e15 #dean winchester #mary winchester #sam winchester #spn meta #my spn meta #my meta #supernatural #spn #spn 15x15 #gimme shelter #supernatural s15e15 #spn 15x15 spoilers #amara critical

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

Dazed and Confused (Part 4)

Summary: Dean Winchester grew up wanting to be a cop. When he gets kicked out of the police academy on a fluke though, he turns to a life of crime. After breaking up with Dean and seeing him committing a crime in the act, the reader becomes an officer herself and eventually a detective. Four years after that day, the reader is sent undercover to figure out what Dean is up to. Only she has no idea how far Dean is willing to go to keep her from finding out the truth…

Pairing: AU!Dean x reader

Masterlist

Word Count: 1,600ish

Warnings: language, scary situations, violence, murder, etc.

A/N: This series has been on Ao3 only for awhile now and I am finally reposting here as well. It’s not new but it may be new to you. Please enjoy!...

______

“Okay, I don’t think Jack is stalking me, Dean,” said Sam. Dean raised an eyebrow, anger simmering to the surface.“If he’s a field agent, maybe he was on protection detail for me.”

“If he was, he did a shitty job. They would have told you about him though,” said Dean, crossing his arms, unclenching his hands when you glanced over at him.

“Considering how convoluted this thing is, maybe they would have, maybe they wouldn’t. I don’t think we should just run up to Jack and start questioning him,” said Sam. “We don’t know-“

“I disagree,” said Dean. He leaned back in his chair, rubbing his temple. “We grab him. I can do it with Y/N as backup no problem. We bring him here and politely ask him what the fuck he’s up to. If he doesn’t want to talk-“

“If you kidnap an FBI agent, you realize you’re giving your mom’s killer exactly what he wants, right?” you asked, releasing a large sigh. “There’s his ammo to bring you down. One truth will make the whole thing look viable. Not to mention he’s our friend, Dean.”

“Fine. You two figure this out then,” said Dean, standing up and storming out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him. You waited a few minutes, Sam looking into Jack’s background with a scowl on his face before you took off in search of Dean. Fifteen minutes later you found him sitting on the roof, knees tucked up in his chest as he watched the sun start to rise.

“Hey,” you said softly, rubbing a hand up and down his back.

He didn’t speak, opting to keep his mouth pressed in a thin line.

“We have to be smart about this Dean, that’s all. We don’t want this to go south for you,” you said, taking a seat beside him. “We’ll figure out what Jack knows the right way.”

“What’s your secret? You work for the CIA or something?” he said dryly, resting his chin on his knees.

“I’m a junior detective for the Lawrence county police department that took up a leave of absence this week. I was a street cop before that and before that , I was fresh out of college, working at starbucks while my boyfriend was going to the police academy. I’m not made for this life Dean,” you said. He turned his gaze away from the red and orange swirling across the sky, his face turning softer than you were used to lately. “What happened to you, Dean?”

“Why did you become a cop then?” he asked, ignoring your question. You sighed, tucking your own knees up. Baby steps was how you’d have to this with him then.

“You scared me at the bank that day. I had no one, no strong boyfriend I could go home to and make me feel better, make me feel safe and protected. I wanted to know what happened to you too, try to help you when I found you again. I applied to the department and the rest just happened on it’s own. I had to know it wasn’t something I said or did that day. If I’d done something differently, that you wouldn’t have gone down that path,” you said. You shrugged your shoulders, Dean tossing a small rock down to the ground, watching it fall before bouncing on the pavement.

“If I could go back, I never would have said yes,” said Dean, shaking his head. “I would have been a normal cop and I wouldn’t have screwed up your and Sammy’s lives. You two weren’t supposed to do this. He was supposed to be a lawyer. You were going to get out of this town, with me. I threw you away for nothing. I did the wrong thing four years ago and it is way too late to fix it.”

“It was messed up how you went about it, but Sam and I are adults. We made our choices just like you made yours to try and get some justice for your mom. It’s not wrong to care, Dean,” you said.

“If we figure out who the FBI guy is, mom’s killer, then what? Where’s the proof? What happens to you and Sam?” asked Dean. “It didn’t matter if-”

“Sam obviously has some sort of proof otherwise he wouldn’t be working this case. He needs a name to tie it to is all I’m guessing. It’s not your job to worry about us either, Dean. We’ll figure out what we want when this is all said and done but until then, we’re sticking with you,” you said.

“First, I always worry about you two. Second, you should really, really hate me more than you do, you know,” said Dean. You smiled as you ran a hand up and down his back.

“I’m a woman, Dean. I can hold this over you for the rest of your life,” you said with a teasing smirk. “Not that I’m planning on it. You’re different now.”

“Different how,” he said, turning his attention back to the pinks and oranges swirling across the few lingering clouds.

“You’re angry. Sad. You hate yourself for starters. A part of me thinks you don’t expect to make it out of this alive. A part of me think you believe you’d deserve that,” you said. “By the way, you don’t.”

“Always saw right through my bullshit, didn’t you?” he said with a sad smile. “Odds are I end up dead or in prison or one of you dies and all of this was for nothing.”

“When we get through all this in one piece, you and me are going to sit down and have a long talk. You screwed up. Everybody does. Let’s move forward from it. We can...” you said, a car turning into the complex off in the distance, Dean perking up as he watched it, the car following the arrows straight down to where Sam was. “Who the hell is that.”

“I don’t know but Sammy’s alone and unarmed down there,” said Dean, getting to his feet. Both of your guns were out as you headed down the stairs inside, Dean holding up a hand when you heard other footsteps in the building. It amazed you how he made his movements silent in an instance like that, forcing you to go slower to keep quiet and lose him as you headed for Sam. You heard something crash and break in the conference room ahead, foregoing your cover and sprinting in that direction. Turning the corner, you saw Jack and Dean pointing their weapons at one another, Sam sat in a chair in the middle with no idea what to do.

“Sam, get behind me,” said Jack, never once taking his eyes off Dean. “Sam!”

“Jack,” you said, lowering your gun, Jack briefly glancing at you. “Everybody put their guns down before one of you boys makes a mistake.”

“I’ll put mine down as soon as I know Sam is safe,” said Jack. “Sam, let’s move. Now.”

“Jack,” you said, Dean staring down the young man, probably debating whether he should try to graze him. “Jack we know you’re FBI. Tell us what you’re doing here.”

“...Sam goes for a early run everyday. He didn’t go this morning. I tracked his phone here and assumed someone had taken him,” said Jack, squinting at Dean. “Still not sure.”

“Jack, I’m here because I want to be,” said Sam, holding up his hands. “Everybody put their guns away, please.”

“Dean,” you said. He shot you a look but gave you a nod, slowly lowering his gun. “Jack?”

Jack glared at Dean before tucking his gun back in his pants, glancing around the room, ripping the computer out of Sam’s hands.

“What the hell are you doing looking at my profile?” asked Jack, quickly shutting it. “That’s-”

“You boys are all in the FBI, I’m not,” you said, taking a seat. “Now, why don’t you tell us why you are protecting Sam?”

“Sam’s investigating a high profile case. I was assigned to do undercover protection detail for him in the event the person he was investigating caught on and attempted to kill him. Standard procedure,” said Jack.

“Good job on that by the way with the drugs,” said Dean with a short smile.

“I made a mistake. My job was to protect, Sam, not Y/N. I suspect you showing back up in town is what created the attempt on Sam’s life in the first place,” said Jack, smiling at Dean.

“How old are you?” asked Dean, lifting his chin. “12?”

“I look young. I’m not brand new to this,” said Jack.

“He’s barely 21,” said Sam, Jack scrunching up his face.

“Good,” said Dean, relaxing his shoulders.

“Good?” asked Jack. “We just besties now?”

“You were a little kid when our mom died, Jack. It means you weren’t the one that killed her so Dean doesn’t have to suspect you,” said Sam. “Or shoot you.”

“Wait, you’re working Mary Winchester’s murder? John’s wife?” asked Jack, catching you hum. “I know who killed her.”

“You do? The killer’s FBI. How-” asked Dean, Jack shaking his head.

“I read the file at the station one day, read Sam’s notes, the timeline…” said Jack. “Without a doubt, John Winchester killed Mary.”

______

A/N: Read Part 5 here!

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