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shinjaeha · 3 years

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itsay ep 4 (thoughts + spoilers)

idk even know how to even start this bc i feel like i’m just a big ball of emotions, and this ep was wild. so much happened. last ep was so wonderful and almost languid with how everything played out (esp since it focussed much more specifically on the shift in teh/oh-aew’s relationship). this ep had a bit more of everything, not just the two of them in their bubble anymore. societal forces at play, and hence much more angst. again, this isn’t a proper analysis, it’s just me ranting and raving as usual as i semi-rewatch this again. this is very long, and there are a lot more things i want to think about in more detail at some point bc i’m mostly just skating over a lot of what happened but i gotta get these thoughts in my head out of me somehow. and i’m not sure if what i’m typing will even make sense bc i MYSELF can barely make sense of what i’m feeling but here i go anyway.

so we start off with the both of them kind of awkward after the night before which is fair enough considering what happened. actually when oh-aew’s habit started playing up again, i thought teh wasn’t going to scratch his back bc he was trying not to ~go there again after the night before, but he did and i was pleasantly surprised like oh...maybe things aren’t that bad?? (YET). also, i can imagine that it would have been reassuring for oh-aew too. like things have changed, but it’s not like teh has completely abandoned him. the touch itself is comforting, like when they were kids.

teh’s mum talking about how she wants both of her sons to bring their girlfriends around (and hounding him about bringing tarn around again) is giving me war flashbacks to my own asian relatives and i can feel the way that must crawl under his skin. I HATE when family members do that (and they always do). but for teh it must be esp hard bc he’s already constantly feeling like he’s vying for his mum’s attention over his brother, and now hoon’s bought back a girlfriend so it’s yet ANOTHER thing he feels like he has to compete with his brother over. in the back of his mind, he knows that he can’t give his mum what she wants if he’s with oh-aew (he can’t ‘win’ over hoon bc heteronormativity). teh is def prone to jealousy fairly easily, but i always feel like his emotions on that base level are also very easy to understand. i’ve been in positions like that before where i’ve felt like i’ve constantly been compared to someone else, and it makes you feel like shit. but also oh-aew having to sit through teh’s mum telling him to let her know if teh and tarn are dating?? ouch.

cue teh trying to avoid what’s going on with them and oh-aew being sad :((( they’re both in so much pain and i feel it and thank god i am no longer a teenager that’s all i can say about this.

the guitar in skyline instrumental is just...making me feel some kind of way. they have so many versions of this song and they always use the right version at the right time how is that.

so the tarn scene!!!!!!!!!!!!!! first thought: holy shit she looks so cute i love her crop top where did she get it i want one. second thought: but why did they make her wear a dark bra under such a light top?? i love that i was thinking this and then it all unravelled in front of me and like...the brilliance. the contrast between the scene in ep 2 (i think?) where teh accidentally peeks at her bra through the buttons of her shirt and gets noticeably flustered, and then this one where she literally wears the same bra under a light shirt ON PURPOSE to get his attention, but he doesn’t even notice?? the way she expects him to colour the hibiscus purple, but he colours it red for oh-aew instead?? it’s so incredibly telling of where his heart is at, and how his feelings have changed. anyway, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that he’s just not all there with her anymore, and tarn isn’t stupid...she’s been picking up on the signals since the beginning (why was he so weirdly obsessed with beating oh-aew at the start? why was he willing to wake up at 4am for oh-aew but not for her? willing to tutor the rest of his friends but not spend time with her?). the way she sees him colouring the hibiscus red and it’s her wake up call, like wtf am i DOING bc of this guy????? i love how she acknowledges that her feelings for teh have made it so she’s solely focussed on him and that she hates the things it makes her do (like wearing the bra to gain his attention). ngl i was slightly worried with how they were going to use her character during these later eps with teh being so conflicted (since girlfriends in BLs are usually handled pretty poorly), but i appreciate that she’s still as fleshed out and full of feeling as she ever was. she’s so sweet, and i just wish she had better than this, but i’m glad she called teh out on it. i know he’s confused af rn, and tbh i don’t think he’s handled this as badly (atm at least) as i thought it could have gone, but at the same time, if he doesn’t decide and set his heart on what he really wants, he’s just going to end up hurting them all. LOVE that she basically tells him to get his shit together first before coming back to her. i like her so much. and that scene of teh just walking around and around at the back feeling conflicted while she drew? really reminds me of the squiggly line timeline(?) of how ep 4 was going to go that nadao released before this ep went live. also cmbyn vibes were real in that one.

the devastation in oh-aew’s voice when he asks teh to at least reply his messages ;;; it’s like teh wants to go back to just being friends and oh-aew has kind of accepted that at this point, but at the same time, teh’s not backing that up. he says he wants to be friends, but he doesn’t know how to act ‘normal’ about it anymore, so he pushes oh-aew away instead. good on oh-aew for not taking that shit and standing up for himself too. i absolutely cannot stand seeing oh-aew sad bc pp’s sad face/voice is so good it actually pains me.

notice how teh ALWAYS uses studies/tutoring as an excuse to get closer to oh-aew again...hmmm...does oh-aew see it for what that is now too? that “you’ve never understood me” hit me like a fucking train. to think that they were so attuned to one another last ep, but now teh’s too caught up in he’s own world to realise just how much he’s hurting oh-aew. thanks, i hate it.

i know that he’s needs to figure himself out more and i absolutely stand by the fact that he needs to do that without messing around with either oh-aew or tarn (and also that he’s using studies again to get into oh-aew’s good books instead of talking through feelings and all that), but the chinese idiom book that he made for oh-aew was actually SO CUTE and romantic. all this stuff he does for oh-aew to show that he clearly cares so much, yet he can never accept it enough to get the words out...

I SWEAR THEY PLAY THE INSTRUMENTAL SKYLINE JUST TO CHOKE ME UP. the darting around each other after the neck kiss COUPLED with the skyline instrumental?? it’s like a sad beach scene 2.0. teh making the first (intimate) move this time. every time he’s trying so hard to convince himself he’s not in love with this boy, and every time he keeps coming back. i always feel such a weird mix of happy and sad when i see them together bc i love them but i know teh in particular, is just not ready yet. like the hug scene made my heart leap, BUT they did it in hiding (under the staircase). all their big intimate scenes are in hiding and that just :(((

teh saying that he loves the seawater on his back bc it holds him up, and oh-aew saying but you have to hold your breath in that posture and it gets uncomfortable so he likes letting it go and just sinking sometimes instead (obv paraphrasing but you get the drift)?? THE WRITING IN THIS. it says so much without telling the audience directly...so poetic. everything about this show is so poetic. the way they sink into the ocean and into that space of oh-aew’s where you can just let yourself go without holding back, and then and only THEN does teh finally kiss oh-aew. and it’s beautiful, after holding back for so long, but it’s also painful bc he’s let go but only within this tiny pocket of space and time. in hiding again. that bird’s eye view shot where you can’t see them at all sealed it for me. like you want to be happy, but you can’t really bc you know that they’ve still got so much more to go...like when teh’s hand grazes oh-aew’s chest and you see oh-aew realise again...like that’s partly what stopped teh the first time in ep 3. when his hands stopped at oh-aew’s chest like it hit in for him that he was a boy. anyway, love that they gave us a skam kiss but i’m also very sad. on another note, how the hell did they hold their breath for that long?????

love that they gave us a further 2 more seconds of teh/oh-aew being cute (CONSTANTLY thinking about teh’s fingers dancing across oh-aew’s face and smushing his face in his hands...oh-aew holding the back of teh’s head...just a brief moment of carefreeness) before they went for the jugular. watching teh fight against himself in this way is what hurts. oh-aew begging him to just let go and accept what they are (the way he keeps going “what did i do wrong?? you feel it too!!”) but he’s so tortured he can’t do it. it’s downright fucking heartbreaking. the “one day i’ll stop feeling this way”...could have just stabbed oh-aew and it would have hurt less. all i know is i’m hurting for the both of them. the repression is real, and it just sucks. this whole thing fucking sucks for both of them (and tarn and bas too at that). idk it just gets me that oh-aew is coming out of this having been rejected once again bc teh isn’t ready yet. and i know this but it doesn’t make me any less upset. not at any of them bc it’s hard i know it’s hard...just at the situation. sometimes it feels like teh’s taking a step forward but then he takes two more back instead. the look on teh’s face when oh-aew was like let’s stop being friends...total devastation. i’m done. don’t want to think about it anymore.

i’m glad that oh-aew’s parents are so supportive of him though. i wasn’t sure how close they were based on their previous interaction but they really love him and i’m glad he has that stability to help him through this.

THE SCENE WITH OH-AEW AND THE BRA FUCKING BLEW ME AWAY. this show is always keeping me guessing, and again yet another thing that i wasn’t expecting but it was so visceral. the red of the bra in comparison to tarn’s bra with the purple hibiscus flowers on it...everything connects. oh-aew looking into the mirror with that bra on and thinking about how things would have been different if only :((( and then his breakdown when he realises that it’s not and that’s the reality of the situation. the feeling that gave me sits so deep within my chest i can’t even begin to carve it out.

teh masturbating when he sees that picture of oh-aew and to that picture of yongjian on his wall (idk why it only now just occurred to me that yongjian is always in red too)?? the self-hatred in this scene. the internalised homophobia. my heart feels so heavy.

he KEEPS reaching and it’s going nowhere bc it won’t ever be enough, and that’s not fair on himself and it’s not fair on tarn. like i understand what he’s going through, and i get that he’s extremely confused and needs the clarification, but when he asks tarn to tell her she loves him and he can’t do the same back for her...i just feel so, so, so fucking bad for tarn.

oh-aew hoping that the worksheets left for him were from teh (which would be very on brand of him), but then seeing bas :( maybe in another world, in another life (like teh and tarn)...but he’s such a sweetheart. bas, best boy ;;;

legit as soon as the gang came to see teh off to bangkok and talk to him about how oh-aew was doing terribly (and wasn’t planning on going to the admission exams) i knew where this was going to go. there’s been so much foreshadowing leading up to this, and this was also one of (if not my main theory) with how things were going to eventually play out. but tbh for some reason i thought it was going to play out later in ep 5...but like damn. damn. the way i understand but at the same time i kept going OH TEH :( throughout this. the utter STRESS this bit put me through. THE MISCOMMUNICATION.

anyway, teh’s love language is clearly acts of service. but it can really be to his detriment when he does things impulsively (albeit with care and good intentions), but he doesn’t use his words so things get lost in translation. sometimes actions just aren’t enough and you really do need words to communicate.

the confirmation scene was so tense...even now i’m just sitting here thinking about it and there’s a hole in my stomach at the thought of what teh must be going through and what he ends up doing. like when that last person on the list shows up and you KNOW it’s going to happen but at the same time it’s like a punch to the chest bc there’s just no doubt that teh’s going to turn it down for oh-aew...OF COURSE he would. oh-aew’s split moment of happiness before realising what teh’s done...the absolute dread i still have in me at the realisation of this.

the tension really kept increasing from here on in...teh coming home and his mum just being so fucking proud of him and telling everyone in the restaurant about how happy she is for him (all while teh is absolutely depleted), then tarn coming in and everything bubbling over when she realises what teh’s done too. realises that teh’s in love with oh-aew (smile is so great in this btw like WOW). the “you hurt me and i’m alright with that, teh, but right now you’re hurting yourself” broke my heart. absolutely love tarn as a character and only ever want the best for her.

when he tells his mum :((((((((((( and his mum just goes on about how hard he’s worked and how much he’s already sacrificed only for him to throw that away. he wanted her to be proud of him SO BAD, wanted to not be compared to his brother for once, only for him to give away his place bc he loves oh-aew more than he wants his mother’s praise. more than he wants to compete and ‘win’ against his brother. when she points to hoon and goes “why can’t you be more like him?” and he just loses it. like rubbing salt in the wound. i’m so glad hoon finally hugged him the way i’ve been wanting to this whole time. the banner congratulating him that teh’s mum made with all his materials from before :((( hoon giving him money for uni :((( you ever watch some things and feel like you’ll never be happy again...

okay the way that everything spiralled during the ig story fight?????? what gets me is that teh sacrificed his place thinking that oh-aew wasn’t going to sit the exam at all (he could have just talked to him and convinced him instead but ughhh i understand i get it). oh-aew thinks he did it bc teh didn’t believe he could get in himself (which of course then spurs him to give it up so he can get in through the exam instead). and when teh sees that, it’s like a smack in the face, like he went through all that only for oh-aew to reject it (him). it’s just layers upon layers of miscommunication and the anxiety of it all absolutely guts me. and then the anger mixing into devastation when he opens his book and sees how it’s all cut up. the remnants a reminder of everything he’s done for oh-aew. this boy that he adores but can’t accept he has feelings for. it’s just this mix of anger and sorrow and what have i fucking done?????? and how could he????? the cast were all fantastic but billkin really had to go above and beyond in this one and i could absolutely feel his pain throughout this.

TO PIGGY BACK ON THIS, like i said before, teh has always used studying/tutoring as a tool to get closer to oh-aew, but seeing that book with all the words gone was in part also him realising he doesn’t have that anymore. he can’t use that tool to get close to oh-aew anymore. the only way forward would be to actually get close to oh-aew without the pretences. and the saddest part of this all is that oh-aew doesn’t even NEED all of that (the tutoring, the book of idioms, the relinquishing of his uni spot)...the only thing he wants is for teh to ADMIT his feelings out loud. to admit that he feels the same way about oh-aew that oh-aew feels about him.

it’s funny bc in the last ep, the conversation that had me feeling the most nervous was when they’re talking at the cape, and oh-aew’s telling teh that he’s a rival and inspiration to him. i always KNEW this was going to come back to haunt them. like a constant circle. friends to rivals to friends to more than friends(?) to rivals. it’s a fine line. narratively, it always had to happen, and now they’re back to competing against one another yet again, and it’s going to be so tough bc they’ll have so much more competition on top of that as well.

next ep is going to be very, very hard on teh, but somehow after this ep, i just feel a lot more hopeful about it? i’m pretty convinced at this point that it won’t end in tragedy (which was the thing that i wanted least of all). of course i want both teh and oh-aew to end up together, but i can understand if they don’t. if this ends with them rekindling their friendship again, that’ll be enough for me. their relationship has been so turbulent and passionate that it needs some stability, and hopefully when teh’s in a better state of mind, when he’s at a place when he’s finally accepted all parts of himself, they’ll get there. so if that means it ends on them running to the cape together (even if they’re not technically together) fulfilling their promise to one another in the sunset, then that’s fine with me. i don’t mind an open ending if it makes sense in the context of the story, and i think something like that would. it’s like after such an angsty episode, you need a slight reprieve from it. i have no doubt in my mind that ep 5 will contain darkness, but i do think that there will be light at the end of the tunnel. so for once i feel truly hopeful about it.

i can’t believe we only have one more ep left to go...

#i told sunset about you #itsay #like there's more angst to come but the real climax of it was in this ep that's how i feel anyway #idk if both of them will get in. i HOPE both of them do.#but i just think that when things get angsty at this point of the story there's always a chance for it to turn around #you just need to worry when things are too happy UNTIL you get to the last ep #tbh though i would like a kiss between them out in the open when teh's finally stopped repressing himself #just so he can show the character growth of his whole arc. so he can be free.#i would obv very much like for them to end up together but there's only one ep left so idk if they can get to that point when there's still #so much that teh has to learn to come to terms with #and he's going to be so so stressed with the exam too (i saw the previews and am bracing myself for more heartbreak as he cries)#i did not mean for this to be as long as it was but i was sporadically writing it as i worked and kept thinking of things to add #and it somehow became an essay #i wrote more in this than i've ever written in any of my uni essays GOD #if you read this whole thing you need some kind of medal or something idk man #also random note but teh's mum's kebaya looks like one that my mum owns #text

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lassieposting · 4 years

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4 Times Lucifer Showed He Cared The Demon Way (And Thought Chloe Reciprocated) +1 Time He Tried Showing It The Human Way

AIT BUCKLE UP YALL BC IMMA GET ON SOME BULLSHIT

prepare for a mess of a headcanon post in which i extrapolate wildly from single lines in the show, read way too much into interactions, and get very emotional

actual post under the cut because this is long as fuck, yo

1. Sharing Territory

Trust is the rarest commodity in Hell. Demons are aggressive, suspicious and territorial by nature, and taught from birth that you’re just as likely to be killed in a fight with someone from your own clan as you are to be cut down in a war with someone else’s. Maze recalls her siblings torturing one another, possibly for fun, and even among family there seems to be a certain level of wariness. Finding someone you can trust to share your space, someone who will keep watch while you rest, someone you don’t have to be so guarded around, is rare and precious and a big expression of real affection.

In 1x02 Lucifer lets himself into Chloe’s home while she’s in the shower, makes himself at home, and starts making her breakfast.

Now, Lucifer knows how door etiquette works. We’ve seen him learn about this, more than once.

In 1x03, he barges into Linda’s office, interrupting another patient’s session, but in 1x08 he knocks on her door and waits for her to call him in.

In 1x07 we see him ring Carmen’s doorbell and wait for him to answer, despite having a far better reason to barge in and wreak havoc (reclaiming his stolen wings).

In 2x01, again, he knocks on the killer’s door and waits for her to answer it.

So, this isn’t a case of “he’s not human, he doesn’t understand”. He only does this with Chloe. And it’s something he does repeatedly, even after he’s learned his lesson about knocking with everyone else - coming into her territory and leaving her, her family and all her things unharmed, showing her that he’s relaxed and comfortable in her space. And he gets the reaction he wants! She’s alarmed the first time she finds him in her kitchen, but as time goes by she gets used to it, accepts it as just one of his weird quirks, and no longer really bats an eyelid. By 3x05 she’s not even surprised to see him; she still ticks him off - “I said to meet me here, not barge in like you own the place.” - but it’s almost like she’s just saying it out of habit at this point. She’s not threatened by him at all.

We don’t know when Lucifer invites her to treat his penthouse the same way, but by the time she shows up drunk and trying to sleep with him in 1x10, he’s told her that “[his] door is always open”, an invitation to do the same. And she does (and has been doing already). Chloe is spectacularly comfortable appropriating Lucifer’s things.

In 1x09 when they’re dueting Heart & Soul she lets herself in unexpectedly and takes a drink from his glass while they’re playing (and here you can see him raise his eyebrows and smile at her, but he doesn’t comment).

In 1x10, she’s clearly intending to stay in his penthouse even after he tells her he was planning on going out, and she helps herself to his alcohol.

In 3x06 she’s comfortable enough with him to raid his closet, take over his home without his knowledge, try to break into his safe and sleep in his bed.

2. Hunting For Your Partner

Humans don't regularly hunt for their own food, but demons do - Maze asks Trixie in S4 at what age human parents teach their children to hunt, presumably because it’s a responsibility she intends to take on for baby Charlie. Now, to survive in a place like Hell, prey animals would need to be in possession of some hardcore natural defences; demons most likely can and do die in hunts. So providing someone with food would be a big deal; it shows how highly you prize that person’s wellbeing, that you’re willing to put yourself at risk and expend valuable effort and energy to keep them fed.

Lucifer tries to make Chloe breakfast in 1x04. This is the first time we really see him do anything domestic, and it’s implied he’s actually pretty handy in the kitchen - possibly because he just likes human food, but also the time and effort he’ll spend making her a proper home-cooked meal is the closest he’s going to get to hunting something the size of a small airplane for her in Hell.

Later, in 2x07, Chloe makes Lucifer and Trixie sandwiches. She goes to give Trixie the first one, because for humans it’s normal to feed your kid first, but Lucifer swipes it off the plate before Trixie can, claiming he’s “far larger and hungrier”, because in Hell the strongest and most vicious eat first (as with many pack predators).

Lucifer later asks Linda what deep meaning the sandwich had - whether it symbolised Chloe’s trust - and seems bewildered that for humans, a sandwich can just be a sandwich. He also brings her homecooked food as an apology after standing her up, all of which seems to imply that Lucifer grew up in a culture where food is valuable and meaningful and an expression of deeper feeling. (This could also be seen to a lesser extent in Maze wanting Lucifer to make her a drink in 2x04, when she’s trying to redefine their relationship as equals rather than lord and vassal.)

3. Fighting Together

Demons do have a concept of loyalty. Maze says “You don’t let your girl go into enemy territory alone”, and it seems to be a principle that’s important enough to her that she’s including it in Trixie’s training - when Maze is going to Canada, Trixie tries to hide in her bag because Maze needs someone to watch her back. Maze and Lucifer are also incredibly loyal to one another in the grand scheme of things - regardless of their issues with one another, they are a united front against outside threats, at least before they both start developing human relationships.

Lucifer is startlingly loyal to Chloe from the get-go, for someone who’s spent billions of years not being able to trust or lean on anyone except Maze.

In 1x02, he stops chasing after Josh as soon as he realises Chloe has been mobbed by paparazzi, choosing instead to go back and defend her - even though this lets Josh, who needs punishing, get away.

Now, in 4x01 Maze says that she (and probably demons in general) fight when they’re “Happy...or horny”, implying that fighting may be as much a bonding activity as a necessity.

With the paparazzi mob, Lucifer goes in all guns blazing, making it personal - “Back off, you mouth-breathing scum!” - because he’s protecting her, trying to deflect their attention from her. But as soon as he notices she’s holding her own, with her fist raised to hit the guy, he gets all excited and encourages her to go ahead: “Let’s punch them all!”

He now sees this as an opportunity to bond with her, show her she can trust him to watch her back, and when she declines to start a fight he’s visibly disappointed.

Chloe then joins the illegal Lux party in 2x09.

Now, she’s spent most of the episode being sensible and rational about the fact that really there’s not a lot she can do, which was understandably upsetting to Lucifer - it’s the first time he’s really seen his detective not be able to fix a situation. He goes to her repeatedly for help throughout the episode - he either hasn’t realised or doesn’t want to accept that the law has her powerless here - and sees it more as “her not being on his side” than “her not actually having any power over this situation”.

Her joining his sit-in reaffirms to him that he matters to her; that she has his back even though she has no personal stake in keeping Lux’s building from being demolished. This is all the more poignant for him because he’s very vulnerable at this point; he’s not just on the verge of losing his home, he’s also dealing with his mom’s manipulation and abuse, his own emerging human emotions, the new distance in his relationship with Maze. He believed he was completely alone in this. Chloe’s public show of support means a lot to him, and he even talks to Linda about how insanely grand a gesture Chloe’s saving Lux is to him - he’s never been given something without strings attached, without having to give something in return.

4. Your Enemies Are My Enemies

Making enemies in Hell can be lethal. Retaliation for a small slight can turn vicious in an eyeblink and generally it's not a good idea to get involved in someone else's grudges if you want to avoid a knife in your back. Adopting someone’s enemies as your own enemies, defending them against said enemies, inserting yourself into their preexisting quarrels as backup, is a big show of loyalty.

Lucifer is always getting in on Chloe’s arguments. Constantly.

From what we’ve seen and heard, Lucifer’s family isn’t big on backup. We’ve only got Lucifer’s word, and he’s very biased, so he’s not the most reliable narrator, but we can see it in the way Mum and Amenadiel behave.

When Lucifer is rowing with his mom in 2x08, Amenadiel doesn’t intervene at all. He’s already said that he’s on his mom’s side at this point, but he doesn’t defend her, either; he avoids the confrontation altogether.

Lucifer says that none of his family defended him when he was thrown out of Heaven, repeatedly, and with increasing bitterness the more he realises that the way his family treated him is a) abnormal and b) abusive.

Early Lucifer seems to have picked up this trait. He doesn’t involve himself in arguments unless he’s getting something out of it; when Maze and Amenadiel are about to throw down in 3x11, he literally sits back to watch with popcorn, despite knowing that this fight could go very badly for Maze.

With Chloe though, he starts jumping in from Actual Day One.

When Dan is gaslighting Chloe in 1x01, he stands up for her immediately: “She is smart. You’re the dimwit.”

Then he punches out Paolucci for calling Chloe a bitch in 1x05. Chloe tells him not to, that she can handle her own problems, and Lucifer not only tells her that she absolutely can but also clarifies to Paolucci before punching him that he’s not sticking up for Chloe. But the message is pretty obvious all the same: if you have a problem with her, I have a problem with you.

Chloe then refuses to call him a liar at Perry Smith’s trial in 2x10.

There is no one - not one single person - in Lucifer’s life who hasn’t betrayed him when it mattered. Even Maze, his oldest friend and closest confidante, goes behind his back in S1 to get them both sent back to Hell against Lucifer’s wishes.

Calling him a liar would benefit Chloe. She has a vested interest in getting her father’s killer convicted. She’s been offered the guy’s own lawyer’s help in getting a guilty verdict, if she humiliates Lucifer.

Anyone else in his life would absolutely take those terms.

But she not only refuses to turn on him, she tells an entire room full of people that he never lies, that he’s the best partner she has ever had, and that a) she knows she can rely on him and b) she wants him to know he can rely on her.

There’s an added layer of meaning in that the person she’s taking on is Charlotte. Chloe doesn’t know that she’s Lucifer’s mom, or what she’s really capable of, but Charlotte herself (without Goddess attached) has a reputation for being ruthless, surrounded by shady people, and an absolute shark in the courtroom. Having Charlotte defending him vastly increases Perry’s chances of getting away with murdering Chloe’s dad. It goes against Chloe’s own interests to defend Lucifer.

But she does anyway.

+1. Spawn Care

This one is...pretty much pure headcanon, but two things are clear from canon:

1. If Maze’s family is typical for demons, their family bonds are neither close nor particularly affectionate, but

2. They do/are meant to have some input in raising their children - Maze talks about teaching young to hunt as a parental/family responsibility.

Lucifer becomes a major adult in Trixie’s life by default thanks to his relationship with Chloe, but despite his intense dislike of children in general, he actually tries really hard to be good at it.

Lucifer doesn’t have a model of good parental behaviour to draw on. Chloe is the first competent, loving parent he’s spent any large amount of time with. What he has is an eternity’s worth of child abuse, gaslighting, manipulation and scapegoating by his own family. But if you look at how he treats Trixie, he puts a lot of effort into not just tolerating Trixie for Chloe’s sake, but being a good influence - or, what he considers a good influence - and a third parent-type figure for her.

In 1x01, he intervenes immediately when he notices Trixie’s distressed by Dan and Chloe arguing in front of her. It comes across as a throwaway comment, but it seamlessly breaks up their hostility by redirecting Dan’s attention and deflecting the shot he takes at Lucifer.

In the same episode, he also takes enough of a liking to Trixie (or Chloe) that he takes it upon himself to scare the bejeezus out of her bully, even though the kid is like 12 and has not done anything as heinous as the shit that normally makes him show suspects his eyes/face.

In 2x02, he spends a large part of the episode arguing on Trixie’s behalf that Chloe should get her the doll, to the point of telling Chloe she’s being a bad parent. Which would be a really petty and honestly irrelevant hill to die on, except that Lucifer’s own upbringing was horrific and he honestly believes she’s somehow damaging Trixie emotionally here. He doesn’t want her to end up with the kind of issues he has. He’s genuinely trying to advocate for her. And when Chloe doesn’t listen to him, he buys the damn doll himself and tells Chloe she can say it’s from her, because he’s very invested in a) Trixie’s wellbeing and b) Chloe’s being a good mother.

In the 2x07 sandwich scene, he actually seems disappointed that Trixie doesn’t challenge him over stealing her sandwich - he even asks Chloe is she always like this, like her generosity is a fault. My personal headcanon is that demon spawn would’ve done exactly that - he’s not exactly family, but he’s close enough that he’s a safe bet to practice one’s intimidation skills on, because he’d never really harm Trixie. He’s trying to teach her something, something he knows she won’t learn from her human parents. Maze contributes to raising Trixie by teaching her to fight (and babysitting) and Lucifer is doing the same, trying to pass on what he considers a useful life skill - something that has probably helped keep him alive in Hell for billions of years. When Trixie leaps off her stool and runs at him, his flinch/hands raised/ “GAH!” reaction looks overdramatic even for him; maybe if she hadn’t given him five and raced off, he might have handed over the sandwich and considered it lesson learned.

And in 2x15, he offers her driving lessons in exchange for her playing along with his trip to the school, which says a lot about how much he really likes her: he intends to teach her himself, and in his own car. The Corvette. His baby. Lucifer does all sorts of shady shit through his favours; finding someone to safely teach an eight year old to drive should be easy!

(Also, honorable mention for him hulking the fuck out when Tiernan’s gunmen threaten Trixie and Eve in his penthouse. Was there any need to shatter his own wall? Probably not. Did he do it anyway? Absolutely. Because children are hideous little creatures but that one is his hideous little creature.)

In conclusion: Lucifer is not remotely subtle about his feelings, Maze feels highkey sick watching them interact Ever, and Chloe’s thing with Pierce throws him so off guard partly because they’ve been in the Hell equivalent of A Relationship for like three years.

#lucifer on netflix #lucifer on fox #deckerstar #stepdevil #lucifer morningstar #chloe decker #this is SO LONG and kinda rambly but i have A LOT of feelings and this fandom is rly nice so #FLINGS THIS INTO THE VOID #also i have Many Thoughts on demon culture and how their society & interpersonal relationships work #anyway lmao #grown ass man? no he babey #lucifer in hell #lucifer headcanons

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brvdleymilligan · 3 years

Text

HLO slinks in thru a bead curtain.......... truly sry this took me so long to concoct bt i’m here now, hand on hip, smiling coyly at u all...... i’m nai n i’m rly excited to b here so i’ll just dive right in!! u can find bradley’s pinterest board here n her muse tag here. like this or hmu for plots!

[ cis female, she/her, margaret qualley , twenty-four ] i can’t be sure, but i think i just saw BRADLEY MILLIGAN drive onto the parkway. don’t they know we’re not supposed to be driving on that haunted road right now? maybe it has to do with the fact that they’re so +RESILIENT and -VOLATILE that makes them feel UNPHASED about everything going on. i guess we could also chalk it up to the fact that they’re always reminding me of LEMON IN A FRESH CUT, THE AMBER BLINK OF AN ANGRY ALLEY CAT, GRINNING WITH BLOOD ON YOUR TEETH. either way, i hope they get back safely. [ nai, she/her, 24, gmt ]

aesthetics: singeing a hole in your fishnets with the cherry of a menthol, spitting a pistachio behind the bar just to hear it ping off the nozzle top bottles, lemon in a fresh cut, a war torn poppy standing alone in an empty field, pressing thumbs to yellow bruises, stomping over flowerbeds when there’s a path right besides it, dangling over ledges just to feel your chest jolt, a snarling rottweiler that needs muzzling, limp feet poking out behind a door, ‘I PROMISE I DON’T BITE’ scrawled on a name tag, slapping a bald head in front of you at the cinema like it’s a bongo, not owning a single jacket that isn’t stolen, driving a stranger’s car down the wrong lane against the screaming traffic, hair more feral than a wolf cub and eyes smudgier than a coal mine.

BACKGROUND:

ok SO. her father owns a strip club in crescent hill named no angels. it’s kind of.... a seedy establishment i won’t lie. hs a red glowing sign like it’s lighting up a window in amsterdam. cigarette butts floating in oil slick puddles outside. unsavoury characters crawling all over like rats in a sewer. despite this it’s a legitimate business on the surface of things n it does pretty well in trade. it’s like.... that place people warn u NOT to have ur bachelor party at unless u fancy urself the type tht willingly enters a lion’s den bt tht almost??? adds to the allure in a way??? ppl r like wow so sketchy it’s the thrill of a lifetime........ i mean run while u still can bt go off i guess

it isn’t Confirmed Public Knowledge bt it’s pretty heavily implied thru the rumour mill that bradley’s father is the head of a gang of rly............ Not Nice people. all the ppl that work for him u would hands down NOT want to run into in a dark alley. while things seem legitimate on the suface it’s pretty clear they’re into shady dealings n the townsfolk that suspect that would indeed b correct! the club’s a front for a drug business n they’re also washing n running counterfeit cash thru it. they probably also have their hands dipped into a few other local businesses to run their cash thru these too n keep it all seemingly by the books so nobody comes sniffing around. they even r friends with a member of local law enforcement that’s working w them for a cut so they honestly have all bases covered to keep things airtight n foolproof. perhaps a business in reed too which bradley oversees bt i haven’t given this Too Much thought as of yet??

so ya she’s grown up fairly local most of her life n would maybe be known around town as such.................. the milligans r certainly Interesting as far as families go so like. it honestly wldn’t surprise me if ppl nudge elbows when they see one of them coming n immediately walk in the opposite direction. just quite an intimidating presence...... they’re like caged animals where ur specifically instructed NOT to stick ur fingers between the bars bc they WILL bite

on a more personal note her dad is pretty much the worst human being alive n bradley hs like….. a lot of issues with herself as a result of years of toxicity n abuse

in terms of more family bkground info her mum’s name was alyssa n she vanished when bradley was 12. jst like…. into thin air. nothing. no note. zilch. gan! n when bradley asked her dad abt it his response was essentially “guess she didn’t love us enough to stay”. as bradley’s got older tho n become (without intention) more involved in the business side of things, it’s become pretty clear there was far more to the story.

(abuse tw) they had a horrible marriage n tony ws emotionally manipulative at the best of times, violent at worst, which didn’t help the fact tht alyssa ws struggling a lot w severe depression n rly just… not in the mindset to b dealing w anything else, even where motherhood ws concerned. bradley p much… would look after her a lot n they’d both b scared of her dad n it was just a whole unhealthy mess.

(death implied tw) anyway im rambling bt basically tony (bradley’s dad) gt wind of alyssa sleeping w men tht worked fr him n he just… got rid. bradley’s kind of worked out over the yrs tht her mum didn’t jst leave on her own accord n tht something must hav happened to her bt she’s too scared of her dad to ever directly accuse him

when her mum went all of her dad’s cruelty pretty mch got channelled straight onto her. it ws diluted between two before bt as u can probably imagine her upbringing was jst…. a steep downhill decline

(drugs implied tw) she learnt ways 2 deal w the incurring trauma bt they weren’t healthy ones at all! bsically jst. will do or take anything fr the distraction. chases a thrill like it’s the only way to remind her she’s alive. has absolutely no regard fr her own wellbeing n often gets other ppl in trouble too bc she’s so insatiably reckless

(hospitalisation tw) she hd….2 separate stints of psychiatric hospitalisation n she never tlks abt it. like ever. acknowledging she’s been vulnerable is her worst nightmare n bc of the way her dad raised her she always thinks any sign of struggling within herself is weakness. truly does…. not kno how to properly emotion

CUT TO!!!! the present. she’s currently living at the motel which is like. the least homely place she cld ever live rly but bradley loves making her life uncomfortable n doesn’t rly believe in growing sentimentally attached to anything if she cn help it <3 probably gets into arguments all the time w her neighbours it’s a whole thing.... atrocious at feeding herself has breakfasts frm the vending machine like her organs aren’t screaming fr vegetables.... plays music too loud n sometimes vanishes for days at a time without a word. she’s a lot.

i honestly feel like the murders haven’t rly phased bradley too hugely....... i won’t lie she probably genuinely is like. oh maybe it’s smthn to do w my dad. n just blinks the other way not rly that phased. on some subconscious level i think she rly just thinks........ death follows her wherever she goes n is like. this is just life for me! kind of depressing. holds her hand bt then screams n pulls away when she inevitably bites me.

PERSONALITY:

the kind of sour cherry only certain people have a taste for

once drank a bottle of whiskey, insisted she could still do a cartwheel and accidentally kicked an old man’s front tooth out in the process. proceeded 2 collapse into a flower bed and laugh so much abt it that she cried

barely takes anything seriously 50% of the time and is angry the other 50%

if she was a coffee she’d be black with five grains of sugar that you couldn’t taste until the last sip

(alcoholism tw) high functioning alcoholic. if u ever see her w a coffee cup u jst kno tht one sniff will confirm high alcohol percentage. honestly idk hw she does it her liver must b yellin

loyal to a point of fault. if she cares abt u (rare) and u murder a man in cold blood (not so rare in the broad scheme of bradley’s life) she’ll brawl anyone that says ur guilty

honestly wld probably fight a person over anything. sometimes she’ll jst be having a bad day n she’ll burst n take it out on whoever says the wrong thing. minefield!

has the worst luck in romance…. ever. ALL her past bfs hav been absolute beasts n as a result she has the ‘romance is dead n love is a lie’ mentality. definitely NOT a romantic. very cut n dry abt these things. sex is mostly just sex n she’d kind of scoff at anyone that wanted more from her

mostly wears stolen clothes from strangers and jackets that swamp her. huge chunky stomping boots with steel toe caps that would RLY bruise if they gave u a kick. hair is p much always a wild mess n she usually hs kind of smudgy/smoky makeup bcos apparently she’s allergic to combs and generally looking presentable… relatable content. the only time she rly looks put together is when she has to do something/go somewhere/see someone on behalf of her father....... he kind of uses her as a sort of. honey pot sometimes fr shit his gang get up to it’s like. not! a way u should ever utilise ur daughter but :/ i cannot stress enough how much i wna drop kick him in the neck

she’s v sarcastic. blunt. kind of has a habit of…. assessing a person n she’s quite perceptive bc she’s been trained to b by the way she always has to monitor her dad’s expression fr the slightest emotion change. she’s very confident n can p much mke a conversation out of whatever if she feels like it. independent too like she hs a bunch of (predominantly surface connection) friends bt she doesn’t care abt going out places alone n does this often. she’s probably kind of known around town bt itd b a 50/50 balance between bein known as intimidating n bein known as that one girl tht always gets into anarchy

likes: drunken snow angels that drag on so long they flirt with pneumonia, stealing cars, throwing watermelons off rooftops to watch them explode, shooting pedestrian’s with bb guns from hidden spots on rooftops.

dislikes: telling the truth, tulips so yellow it’s like they’re gloating, playing music loud enough to fry your brain and serve it on a piece of toast, going home.

PLOTS:

someone tht works at the ‘no angels’ strip club?? either as a dancer or bartender or whtever. just a forewarning it’s probably gna b a pretty….. seedy and Not That Pleasant environment bc it’s like. a crime hotspot inevitably bc it’s a gang hangout so. ur chara wld truly be in fr a rollercoaster ride to say the least

(drugs tw) she deals coke fr her dad’s gang so perhaps ur muse buys off her

anyone….. she’s brawled in the past like. she’s literally a menace i cnt express this enough. wil jst randomly throw a drink in someone’s face fr no reason bc she’s bored. she’s probably pissed off 1000 diff ppl in 1000 diff ways. the possibilities r endless n i jst think tht’s a sexy prospect!

fwbs perhaps??? exes??? (probably ws a tumultuous relationship honestly bradley is. a handful...... it’s also rly not often she ties herself down tbh so this would maybe have to b discussed/be circumstantial/kind of rare)

mayb someone tht she met at an aa meeting when she hd to go fr a court mandated thing one time after bein arrested fr public indecency. i feel like there’s probably a rly expensive statue somewhere thts fancily sculpted n she like. did a flying kick n broke the dick of it off n gt arrested fr it

ppl she……. Goes Wild Goes Crazy w. truly jst the most self destructive person alive so anyone w a similar mindset wld b a hellish bt fun combination

on the contrary a gd influence cld b nice perhaps? like someone tht genuinely cares abt her n she jst doesn’t kno hw to compute it

maybe people who r her neighbours that live at the motel too??

OH it could b fun if ur muse runs or works at a local business maybe like. a bar? idk? n bradley n ur muse have developed a rapport bc she frequents the place n is................ a Character

um. honestly the world’s our oyster. hmu n we cn brainstorm if none of tht catches ur eye!

#parkway.intro #abuse tw #death tw #drugs tw #hospitalisation tw #alcoholism tw #depression tw #i believe tht covers it...........#FLINGS this like a harpoon

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cloudravine · 4 years

Text

I was tagged by @strawberrylight to answer a few questions that dig a little deeper, thank you ily dshfgs 😚💕🌻

1. Do you prefer writing with a black pen or a blue pen?

Mmm don’t have a particular preference for either

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or in the city?

An in-between? Big cities overwhelm me and the country bores me - for me the perfect balance would be a quiet location close to nature, either in or on the outskirts of a small-ish city ✨

3. If you could learn a new skill, what would it be?

It’s impossible to only pick one! Most of all I’d like to know even more languages and writing systems (including all the ones coined by Tolkien), become an expert at shooting the bow, get back to doing fencing, and learn to play the drums and the cello/double bass 😍🙏

4. do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar?

I only drink tea, and nope, never!

5. What was your favourite book as a child?

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, which I read eight or nine times as a child sdgfs ⚡️

6. Do you prefer baths or showers?

I rarely ever take baths but find them more relaxing and satisfying than showers

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which one would you be?

How do you expect me to choose when I obv wanna be all of them??? 😩😭 In terms of what fits me best, maybe a wood fae/fairy/sprite - and if specific fantasy worlds are allowed, a hobbit in Middle-earth and a sea witch in the Continent 🍃

8. Paper or electronic books?

Paper books for sure!

9. What is your favourite item of clothing?

My black TPWK hoodie 🖤

10. Do you like your name? Would you like to change it?

I like it and defo wouldn’t change it 😊 It comes from Robin Hood and exists in some variation in many different languages, which I find brilliant :’)

11. Who is a mentor to you?

Mmmm probably my closest friends bc I look up to them and value their judgement so much 💞

12. Would you like to be famous? If so, what for?

Nope hahaha, too much stress and pressure 🙈

13. Are you a restless sleeper?

Unfortunately yes rip

14. Do you consider yourself to be a romantic person?

Omg I’m probably the most romantic, cheesy and extra person you’ll find out there shfgsd 😂

15. Which element best represents you?

Water 🌊

16. Who do you want to be closer to?

Physically - my friends who live abroad 😭 Metaphorically - it’s homophobic that I’m not besties with ot5 and Henry Cavill 💔

17. Do you miss someone at the moment?

My friends from Norway in particular, and yesterday night I dreamt about my German host mum so I’m missing her a lot today :(

18. Tell us about an early childhood memory.

I remember playing lava and recording radio shows/podcasts on cassettes with one of my sisters 🌸

19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten?

No idea haha

20. What are you most thankful for?

The love in my life, and the fact that I’ve been able to live my dream of travelling for the past ten years or so 💖💖

21. Do you like spicy food?

My nose starts running and I lowkey die when it’s very spicy sdhfs (typical weak white person behaviour lmao), but I do like when it’s just a little spicy 🙈

22. Have you ever met someone famous?

Quite a few, yes! Was VIP at a Tokio Hotel show, got autographs from Simple Plan and All-American Rejects, etc. Not sure it counts as ‘meeting,’ but I also passed some of the guys from Avenged Sevenfold on the street in Montréal once 😌

23. Do you keep a diary or journal?

I’ve tried many times but always end up giving up after a while bc it’s too time-consuming and I can’t be bothered rip

24. Do you prefer to use pen or pencil?

Mmm maybe pen?

25. What is your star sign?

Cancer ♋️

26. Do you like your cereal crunchy or soggy?

CRUNCHY OMG, pls take soggy cereal away from me 😳

27. What would you want your legacy to be?

Warmth, love and kindness 🌻

28. Do you like reading? What was the last book you read?

I studied literature for five years - does that answer the first question? haha 😅 Last book I read was Andrzej Sapkowski’s Sword of Destiny sdhfgs and it broke me so bad I haven’t been able to read anything else since sdgfs bye

29. How do you show someone you love them?

I check up on them, send them stuff that reminds me of them, make time for them, share the stuff I’m interested in with them and create a good environment for them to do the same, etc. 💕

30. Do you like ice in your drinks?

Yes

31. What are you afraid of?

Pain and loneliness

32. What is your favourite scent?

My cat’s smell 😭💗

33. Do you address older people by their name or surname?

Surname, unless we’re family / well acquainted (but I’m gonna have to change that habit when I live in Norway since practically everyone is on a first name basis there haha)

34. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life?

This is tricky bc I can’t imagine what it’d be like living life without having to think about money at all 🤔 But I think I’d travel a lot? Ideally I’d love to be working in something Tolkien-related (but not full-time sfgsdd), and I’d probs spend my free time with friends, out in nature and maybe doing some volunteering :)

35. Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean?

The ocean for sure! Or a lake ☀️

36. What would you do if you found $50 on the ground?

I’d keep it, except if I knew who it belongs to and how I can give the money back to them

37. Have you ever seen a shooting star? Did you make a wish?

Yes and yes, though I can’t remember what my wish was 💫

38. What is one thing you would want to teach your children?

That it’s okay to be whoever they are, and that they should accept others for who they are too and show tolerance and openness as much as they can 🌷

39. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it?

I’ve been considering so many tattoo ideas but always end up changing my mind after a while... Would really like something Harry or 1D-related and also some more Tolkien tattoos - it’s just super hard to decide on what exactly 😭

40. What can you hear right now?

My step-dad’s coffee machine working + workers doing renovations outside

41. Where do you feel the safest?

Mmm that’s a hard one, maybe when I’m with people I trust?

42. What is one thing you want to overcome/conquer?

It’s difficult to pick only one bc I’ve got quite a few issues I need to improve on (anxiety, bad self-esteem and insecurity to name only a few) 🙈

43. If you could travel back to any era, what would it be?

The Viking era hands down! ⚔️

44. What is your most used emoji?

All the pink hearts 💗💓💝💞💖💕

45. Describe yourself using one word.

Passionate

46. What do you regret the most?

I’m always most mortified to think back on instances where I accidentally hurt/upset someone in any way 💔

47. Last movie you saw?

Mudbound, which was very heavy but excellent!

48. Last tv show you watched?

Dear White People 🌈

49. Invent a word and its meaning

I feel like my cat Mia’s name sould become a verb that can be conjugated 💁

Tagging @amantisegreti @technicallysideacc @micshiefmanaged @gcralts @goldenfive @going-there-and-back-again @peachtimelord @feanarofinwion @daggryet @zenmalik - no pressure of course! 🌸💛

#strawberrylight #amantisegreti #technicallysideacc #micshiefmanaged #gcralts #goldenfive #going-there-and-back-again #peachtimelord #feanarofinwion #daggryet #zenmalik #interactions #about

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softhairedhotch · 3 years

Note

i’m gonna give u a chance to info dump about james bc i love him. answer as many of these as u want bestie

1. what are his bad habits?

2. what did he want to be when he grew up when he was a little kid?

3. is he afraid of death?

4. what are his go to pair of shoes?

5. who was his first love?

6. does he have mommy/daddy issues?

7. what are his go to self care routines?

8. what songs are on his “i need to cry so fucking bad but i can’t” playlist?

9. how did he meet the Gang?

10. what will his mid life crisis be?

this is from 🕷️, and when i tell you i absolutely adore you?? genuinely thank you so so much for talking about james with me?? it's so incredible??

he often acts on impulse and finds himself interrupting people, but he's always super apologetic about it, and everyone who knows him personally knows that he doesn't mean anything bad by it, he just has to urge to say something and says it.

when he was a kid, he wanted to be a motor racer. he loved (still loves) cars, and was fascinated by them to a point where he knew everything about the best cars that year. he used to watch the formula 1 with his dad when he was young, and it always meant the world to him. however, once he got to his teens and discovered theatre, he fell in love again and wanted to do anything and everything relating to acting.

yes, he's terrified of dying. ever since his dad died, he constantly thinks he's going to go at any moment.

sneakers, he just likes the feel of them. also, there was a boom of popularity in the wearing of sneakers in the 80s, and my mans wants to stay on trend.

some driver he saw on the tv when he was a kid. my mans just straight up fell in love, he was absolutely enamoured. his first love was a celebrity crush, what a whole ass mood (mine was david tennant LMAO)

no, he had a great relationship with his father, and his mother is just the best. they both cared for him immensely, and he adores them. he has a terrific family!

his mum taught him to sit down and practise breathing techniques, for how ever long he needs, when he feels overwhelmed. after this, he'll go get a glass on water and maybe get a nice shower to calm him down. he'll go sit in bed and read, whether that be books or scripts that he's interested in. sometimes, if he can, he'll put formula 1 on.

I HAVE NO IDEA AH

okay so i know he met haley at the theatre club, and jessica when aaron brought him round to their house once,, but idk when he met aaron. i don't know if i want them to be childhood besties (like meet at 5 besties) or meet when they're like 15,, so ima work on that!

he doesn't get that far 😃👍

#haha #sorry for that last one #ima go cry now #this took forever to reply to bc i felt like i had to have all the answers but i now realise that's not true #🕷️#have fun reading through these #and tysm for letting me talk about him!#it means sm <3 #james my oc

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vanchlo · 4 years

Text

The Firsts / #3 “The First Time Together Together”

*not my gif*

---> NEXT BLURB: November 2nd, hopefully.

---> READ BLURB #2

READ THE ASSISTANT, AKA WHAT CAME FIRST

SERIES MASTERLIST

READ ON WATTPAD

-> SHOULD I CREATE A TAGLIST FOR THIS SERIES? IF YOU’D LIKE TO BE ADDED, LET ME KNOW! :)

LEGEND:

+ : a break in the story; a time jump.

bold: Harry’s texts

italics: Becky’s texts

WARNINGS: None really

WORD COUNT: 4.6k words

SONG: Our House by Crosby, Nash, Stills, and Young (CLICK TO LISTEN)

* SNEAK PEEK, DUH BC ALWAYS *

“Y’know what, Becks?”

“Hmm, Harry?” I hum in reply, moving my head a few inches this way, and another few inches that way until I hear the boom-boom of his heart under my ear.

“Wish I could fall asleep next t’ you ev’ry night, even if . . ya nag at me,” he mumbles, the words becoming slower and softer with every breath of his.

I wish I could fall asleep smiling next to you, and with your heartbeat under my ear too, Harry.

Me too.

“I am, you know.”

“What?”

“Yours.”

- Tara and Willow, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

“I’ve seen you dress up before and you looked nice, but God, you look nice nice today.”

“How many drinks have ya already t’night?” he chuckles, quirking an eyebrow whilst sipping from his whiskey glass. His long, bubblegum lips spread into a proud smile, wet from the brown liquid that swims around the ice cubes in his glass.

“None!” I insist and he chuckles again, the sound muffled by the rim of his glass that returns to his lips.

“Sure, babe,” Harry titters, his adam’s apple bobbing in his throat lit by the sun. “‘s okay if ya have. I dunno how I coulda gotten thru’ all that shit in this heat without a few.”

I almost shrug my shoulders, unsure of what to say to that, but I don’t get the chance to think on it before he takes my hand to lead us away from the gift table.

“C’mon, I dunno how many mo’ people I can talk t’ and introduce who I bloody am befo’ I go mad,” he wheezes with a shake of his head, downing the rest of his drink. “Beats me how they can’t know who tha best man ‘s, seein’ ‘ve known tha groom most o’ me life and his.”

“Oh no, is Harry’s big head shrinking now?” I joke, my lips growing to kiss my cheeks when he turns to dramatically roll his eyes at me.

“Hush, you. Ya want sumthin’ t’ drink? ‘s a free bar, but y’know, only tha basic stuff.”

“I want my boyfriend back, is what,” I whine, grabbing hold of the front of his blazer and into my arms. A dimple falls into his cheek, and then into his other as he smiles at me.

“Ya do have me back, babe. What’re you talkin’ ‘bout? Tha ceremony ‘s over, and now ‘s time fer all tha fun.”

“But you don’t get to sit with me at dinner,” I whimper, my face falling into a smushed assortment of lines. He sighs above me and shakes his head of curls at me, his haircut the other day leaving them how he likes them, short.

“Oh, stop it. We’ve gone over this, Becks, you’ll be sittin’ with Rose. My’ and Jeanie put you there fer a reason, since I know yer not familiar with many others here. Jus’ be happy me mum and sista couldn’t make it,” he teases against my cheek, the smell of the honey whiskey ghosting over my lips.

“Don’t say it like I don’t like them, you know I do.”

“I know, ‘m kiddin’ ‘round,” he titters, sponging a kiss to my temple before he pulls away. I almost get lost in those bright greens, but I’m roused when he brushes his thumb across my cheek. “‘ll be right back. Don’t get all sad now that ‘m leavin’ you fer a sec, my li’l lost puppy.”

“Shut up, would you?” I mutter with creased cheeks, watching him walk up to the bar in his black suit. His voice floats over to me as the image of his brown curls shrinks from view, replaced by the fairy lights sparkling around us. Pulling at the scoop neck of my scarlet dress, I scan the covered space and the bodies meandering around it, talking.

“Here’s a White Zinfandel, I dunno what else d’ya want,” a voice says from behind me. I don’t need to look to see who it is, but I do by habit and am met with a tan hand full of rings holding out a glass of pink wine to me.

“Oh, thanks.”

“Welcome,” Harry returns, tapping a finger against his once again full whiskey glass, making a clinking noise. “Aw, fook. They’re startin’ speeches already, I betta go. ‘ll see you soon, love. Wish me luck,” he rushes, surprising me with a kiss to the lips and a pat to my back.

“Luck!” I call after him, laughing when he looks back at me with a comically confused look whilst taking a glug from his glass for good measure.

“Well, shit, what d’ya even say at these things?” he blubbers from the stage a few moments later, cheeks red and dimpled. With aching cheeks from smiling, I sip at my glass of wine while watching him stumble to find his speech in a pocket of his onyx black suit.

“Oh, here tha bloody thing ‘s,” Harry chuckles, and the crowd echoes him. “Myles, Myles, Myles. Where do I even start with you, ya git? Known ya too bloody long, I reckon. Fookin’ hell, known ya fer fifteen years too long, ‘d say,” he begins, and the guests hang onto his every word as do I. “We’ve sure been thru’ loads o’ shit t’getha, and here ya are, married. God, ya always hafta do ev’rything befo’ me, dontch’u?”

The sweet wine lingers on my lips as my laugh blends into the rest of those around me while Harry shakes his head, taking a drink break to sip from his glass.

“We went t’ school t’getha, law school t’getha, and started a bloody lawfirm t’getha t’ top it all off. Somehow, ‘s still standin’ and we’re doin’ great. I know it wouldn’t be if it weren’t fer you . . Reckon neitha would I, hope y’know,” he continues, and my eyes follow his to where Myles stands at the front of the crowd with his new wife on his arm. An emphasis sits in his eyes that goes unmatched until I find Harry’s again and the few tears that sit in them, drowning in the gratefulness and emotion that I recognize bittersweetly. “Ya’ve go’mme thru’ mo’ shit than I could ever thank you fer, and you’ve been me rock when mine was missin.’”

The wine sits on my tongue sourly when I hear that and see his sad smile, and then his two second glance to me that’s gone when I blink. The rest of his best man’s speech goes on without a hitch, and the crowd loves him. But, God, they don’t as much as I do, I think whilst admiring my favorite person in the entire world, and just how fucking fine he looks in a tux. Harry leads a cheers with his whiskey glass raised to the ceiling, and I join him as my eyes stay glued to the man whose bowtie sits unraveled at his neck. The man whose cheeks shine with a summer glow and absence of facial hair, and his trademark curls combed into a quiff that this summer day couldn’t even bother.

Six months in, and the butterflies still return when he steps off the stage, and his alcohol-reddened cheeks dimple with the smile that he sends to me.

“Can I have this dance, miss?” he asks, setting down his whiskey next to my wine.

“Of course. I could never turn down a dance from the best man, I’m sure every other lady here would die for one.”

“Yer so cheesy, Becks, even mo’ so than me sumtimes,” Harry remarks, taking my hand in his and leading me to the dance floor in the middle of the outdoor space. “I love ya fer it, y’know.”

“Good, you better,” I almost laugh, letting him guide my hands to his shoulders as he places his on my waist.

“Maybe it’ll be us havin’ tha first dance at one o’ these sumday soon, Becks. Have ya thought ‘bout me question yet, hmm?”

“I dunno,” I giggle against the warmth of his neck after nuzzling close to him. His sigh tickles my temple that he soothes with the gentlest of pecks.

“I know my answer.”

“And what’s that?” I wonder aloud, swaying to the song with him, ever so effortlessly. Somehow, anything with him feels that way.

“Wouldn’t you like t’ know.”

“Harry!” I exclaim, leaving the safety of his neck to find his giggling lips.

“What? That’s whatcha get when ya won’t answer me question.”

A scoff leaves my lips, and he only giggles harder until it shrinks away to be replaced by his fingers in my hair ever so softly.

“I think Styles would sound good on you, Becks,” he hums, thumb ghosting over my birthmark as his eyes explore me.

“How many drinks have you had today?”

“Doesn’t matta. I feel that way sober even,” he insists, those greens at last returning to me. The slightest of curls comes to his lips and something I can’t quite place blossoms in his eyes. “Rebecca Styles, it sounds perfect. Dontchu think, babe?”

“Harry, it’s only been six months-.”

“In a week and a half, I know, Becks,” he interrupts softly, biting at his lip habitually. “Jus’ a thought. Whenever ya have that answer fo’ me, lemme know,” he whispers against my ear, sending goosebumps down my spine.

Oh, but I think I do, Harry.

“Oooooookay, that’s enough for you, mister. Come on, let’s get you to bed already.

“Becks, no. ‘m fine, I promise you. I don’t wanna go t’ bed yet, babe,” he whines. The dark liquid sloshes around in the cup he holds, threatening to spill over the sides.

“Harry, you’re going to spill. C’mon, we’re both spent. Let’s go to bed,” I insist, taking the half-full wine glass from his hand and setting it down on the wooden coffee table.

“Fine, mum,” he mumbles, getting to his feet shakily. Tugging on his arm some more, I slowly thread him through the space between the sofa and table.

“Come on then, son. If you’re gonna act like a child, I’ll treat you like one,” I laugh, shortly enjoying the fake laugh he gives me. The steps are slow, and so is getting him ready for bed, and into it, is even more so.

“Why’re you laughin’ at me?” he whimpers as I pull the covers up his shoulders before sliding under them myself.

“Because you’re kind of pathetic.”

“Hey, be nice t’ me. I didn’t mean t’ get all buzzed t’night,” Harry complains, taking my hand and pulling me over, until my head is on his shoulder.

“Oh, so what do you call the five glasses of wine you had at your sister’s and the other two you snuck once we got home? I thought you swore off alcohol the other day when you woke up with a hangover after the wedding.”

He only sighs and closes his eyes, his warm rings molding against the round of my shoulder. The rhythm of his breaths attempts to whisk me off into my dreams already, a pair of leggings I’d left at his and my favourite t-shirt of his swallowing my top.

“Y’know what, Becks?”

“Hmm, Harry?” I hum in reply, moving my head a few inches this way, and another few inches that way until I hear the boom-boom of his heart under my ear.

“Wish I could fall asleep next t’ you ev’ry night, even if . . ya nag at me,” he mumbles, the words becoming slower and softer with every breath of his.

I wish I could fall asleep smiling next to you, and with your heartbeat under my ear too, Harry.

Me too.

The chatter fills my ears in a stable hum, hitting pitch and falling low at times, only to flutter between the two again, and again. Shortly, it all falls away when the door closes to hush the room, but the volume in my heart only grows louder. The question that shouts into the void within my chest repeats itself for the next five minutes, until the frosted glass door opens and spits him out. Everybody gives him a hard time for being late, and only do I relax when he meets my eyes with a soft smile, at last. I get a wink before he sits down at the table across from me, feeling a thousand miles away from me. Within a few moments, and pressing the keys of my laptop, he isn’t, anymore.

Late much?

it was the traffic, it was terrible

You know you use that excuse much too often, Harry, especially for your own meeting

i know, you only tell me all of the time babe ;)

oh but hey, i gotta tell u. i’ve been listening to that one band some more that you rec’d. holy shit are they good. hippocampus was it?goofy name but they’ve got some tunes. i think im likin Bambi best rn.

No way, that’s my favorite of theirs! Yes, I’m soooo happy you’reliking them!!!!!

told you i’d get to them eventually babe. just wish it hadn’t takenme so long now. wow!

I told you!!!

there ya are again lovin to tell me ya told me so haha

Wow, it’s like I know you or something

wow its like i knew youd like vampire weekend or someting. ok stop it with the texts i really gotta concentrate here. im supposed to be your boss

Yeah, you’re doing a great job of that, sir. Showing up late to a meeting. Being hungover at work. Shall I continue, boss?

hush, you. could easily make you me assistant again

You wanna bet? Myles and Rose like me too much that let that happen

I do wanna bet. keep talkin babe and youre payin for lunch 2day

Rude

i learned from the best

Quietly scoffing, I lift my eyes to find the smirking pair waiting for me. Harry stifles a laugh with his fist against his smirking lips, dimples showing loudly. He winks quickly at me before turning his head to listen to Myles, only making me miss him all the more. A notification bubble on my screen catches my attention, and makes my smile grow all the wider.

love you my little shit Xxxxxxxx

I think you’re … Oh my god, Harry. Are you falling asleep? At a meeting?!

am not

Are too!

used the wrong ‘to,’ Becks

Did not!

not fun bein corrected all the time now is it, ms. grammar police?

Rude

hell is that your response to anything that doesnt go your way, brat?

I guess somebody doesnt get their dick sucked tonight after all

dont be fuckin rude

Not fun being called rude, now is it?

your gonna be the death of me, holte. swear it

It’s you’re, has FRIENDS taught you nothing, or have I?

nah i fuckin tune out when you start to nag you should know this by now babe

Yeah well, I think a mastered lawyer such as yourself with his own lawfirm should know when to use the different yours

ya well, i think the girlfriend should know when to stop before she doesnt get to sleep over at the boyfriend’s tonight

You’re rude

I learned from the best

Harry Edward!

dont you push it rebecca ann

Ugh, I want to hate you sometimes

its settled. no sexy time for you tonight

Harry! I got new lingerie!

only kidding baby ;) bring the lingerie plz i cant wait to see you in it, my pretty girl

Yes, sir ;)

good girl

The halls are much too quiet with The Big Four in a meeting this morning, about what, I don’t recall. It still stings to pass Jennings in the hall, and things are still awkward between him and Harry I’ve noticed, but all he told me was that he had handled it. What he meant by that, I don’t know, but all I know is now, it’s The Big Three - Myles, Harry, and Rose, and no longer The Four. Rose made junior partner last month and the celebration still hadn’t ended from it, but we all could see the fake smile Jennings slapped on and continues to. Like Harry and Myles, she still takes cases and argues them, but now, she's more involved with the nitty gritty details of the firm, and seems to be loving it. Wedding planning, and all. I can only wish to be as on top of it as she is like that one day.

My movements are slow and calculated as I close my laptop, and check my appearance in the mirror. Adjusting my cream blouse underneath the black suit, I take deep breaths, but they just don’t stick. I set my iPhone down on the desk, but not before checking my home screen. Nothing new, just as it was five minutes ago when I last checked. Okay, then, I think before stepping into the hall and closing my door behind me.

The new, large clock in the lobby dongs softly through the halls, announcing nine o’clock. It’s time. Despite my best efforts, I glance around corners and over my shoulder, looking for him, but he’s nowhere to be found.

Great.

Even better.

Knock knock!

“Oh, come in, please,” the voice behind the door says, bringing me forth. “Hey, Becky. Right on time, thanks.”

“Welcome, Myles. Where’s that business partner of yours?” I softly laugh, hoping I can diffuse the tension, if only somehow. The question flew from my lips the moment I stepped into his office and noticed that we’re alone.

“Hmm, not sure. I just saw him a few minutes ago after our meeting finished. It beats me. Shouldn’t the girlfriend know?” he jokes wryly, moving around items on his desk.

“God, I wish. Sometimes, I’m no better. I haven’t spoken to him yet this morning,” I offer, smoothing down the back of my skirt and take a seat in front of his desk.

“Yeah, known him for I dunno how long, and I couldn’t tell you where he’s run off to. Oh, really? Didn’t carpool together with his early meeting today?”

“Talkin’ ‘bout me, are you?” somebody voices. Both of our heads turn to behind me to watch Harry walk in, holding a Queen mug, and his laptop under his arm.

“Yeah, wondering why you’re always late, mate.”

“Line fer coffee was long in tha break room,” he shrugs, as if it’s a top tier excuse. “Hey, my love,” Harry coos with a smile to me, bending down to press his lips to mine. I almost giggle against his, but my widening eyes do all of the talking when he pulls away.

His quirked eyebrows do his talking as his dimples glow on his face. Words almost leave his wondering lips but they’re interrupted by Myles excusing himself to take a call.

“What’s that look fer?” Harry wheezes at last, sipping from his mug before finding a coaster to set it down on.

“Since when do we kiss in front of people we work with?” I giggle nervously, wondering when the heat will ever leave my cheeks now.

“‘s jus’ Myles, babe. He doesn’t give a shit. I reckon he has t’ have a bit o’ understandin’ afta how many times ‘ve griped over how much o’ a pain in tha arse it can be fer us t’ keep it professional ‘round tha firm,” he explains, swiftling undoing the one button on his pinstriped pecan colored blazer.

“Oh,” is all I say, looking around the office absentmindedly while my mind whirs.

“Sorry, I didn’t see yer texts ‘til now. Busy meetin’ this mornin,’ but we got loads done luckily,” he says, the sound of his velvet black boots soft on the tiling, blending into the sounds of the firm, as I call it. “Hmm, I liked tha one song ya sent me from Cage tha Elephant, so ‘ll hafta give this one a try, too. Thanks, babe.”

“Mmmhmm,” I hum, distractedly. My chin falls into my hand and the pastel purple of my nailpolish blurs in front of me.

“Alright there? Not still worryin’ ‘bout yer review inna few, are you, Becks? I told ya you’ll do great, y’know I have nuthin’ bad t’ say ‘bout how yer doin.’ ‘Course I hafta come up with sumthin’ t’ work on with you, but that’s jus’ ‘cause I can’t avoid it.”

“What?” I respond quickly, looking up to find his squinty eyes at me. “Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just nervewracking.”

“‘s jus’ Myles, bug. There’s nuthin’ t’ worry ‘bout, I already told him how ya’ve been doin,’ and winnin’ last week’s case t’getha, t’ top it off,” he remarks with a glow in his voice.

Nodding, the words poise to jump from my lips, but just then the door opens, “Sorry about that, let’s get started now that Harry’s made his fashionably late arrival, like always.”

“Hey, watch it, My.’ Seems yer no betta,” Harry jests, fingers decorated with rings coursing through his short curls.

“I actually had a good excuse, mind you,” Myles says, falling into the chair behind his desk.

“God, it’s like my first interview all over again. Harry’s late and you’re both arguing like an old, married couple,” I joke with a small laugh, crossing my ankles and folding my hands.

“Sure are,” Harry agrees aloud with a loud air kiss to Myles, scooching his chair towards the desk with a warm smile sent my way.

“So, Becky,” Myles begins, pulling out a stapled document that somehow embeds fear into my bones, quickly ignoring the assurances Harry has showered me with. “Harry’s been telling me that you’re doing great, and things are going well six months in.”

“Yes, very well, actually. Learnin’ loads,” Harry adds in, leaning back in the twin office chair while a hand gets lost in his hair, per usual.

“So I’ve heard. How are things going in your opinion, Becky?”

“Thank you, Myles,” I say, trying not to laugh as the two men exchange annoyed looks. “I’m really happy here and like Harry said, I’m learning lots. I couldn’t have asked for a better teacher than him.”

“I dunno if I agree with that,” Myles quips and my humorous boyfriend shakes his head with a perturbed sigh. “I’m joking, Hare, and Becky, I’m very glad to hear that. We’re all very happy to have you here and part of the team. Somebody, especially.”

“Would ya shuddup, My’?” Harry groans with a click of his tongue, but when I meet his eyes, he’s anything but annoyed with the sunshine he sends my way.

“Told ya yer review’d go great, babe. Ya should listen t’ me mo.’”

“Would you hush?” I say. “Of course you’d say that.”

“What’s that s’posed t’ mean?” Harry asks, all confused.

“You just have a big head, that’s all,” I answer, opening the car door and stepping out into the humid garage.

“Hey, would ya stop givin' me a hard time ‘bout havin’ a big head? It hurts me feelings.”

“I didn’t mean it that way, but does it hurt your feelings if I mean you have a big ego, too?” I explain, toeing off my sandals in his entryway.

“Yes,” he whines, dramatically. It pulls a laugh from my lips that sounds around the empty house, it soon coming to life as I flick on some lights. “Harper sure was adorable callin’ you Anty Becky t’night.”

“I know, I loved it. Her birthday was fun. Thanks again.”

“Oh, don’t thank me, love. Thank her. She was tha one who made you a handmade invitation, not moi,” he comments warmly, the jangling of his keys accompanying his words. “Thank you, I know it wasn’t ‘xactly convenient with t’day, and ev’rythin.’”

“No, it’s okay. It was a lot of fun, you know I love your family.”

“I know, it makes me happy. Thank you, Becks,” he says, pulling on my hand until I follow into the dining area, and then onto the sofa.

“Welcome, Harry. Do you want to watch an episode of FRIENDS, or a few, before I go home?”

“I was thinkin’ ya could stay tha night again, if ya wanna. Figured we should do sumthin’ t’ celebrate tha big 6,” he announces, his voice teeming with excitement, guiding my eyes to his figure behind the kitchen island. I’m startled when the cork pops from the dark bottle, squealing with a hand to my mouth. “Want a glass?”

“Yes, please. And there’s chocolate cake hidden in the fridge that I saved for tonight.”

“Jus’ look at you, spoilin’ me,” Harry says with a clicking of his tongue, soon drowned out by the opening of drawers, and clinking of silverware.

Humming under my breath, I splay out on the sofa with the remote in hand. Pressing on the different arrows, I wait for the right screen to load while I scroll through my phone.

“Here ya go,” he announces, setting down a plate with slices of chocolate cake, and two wine glasses half filled with a sparkling liquid. “‘s Prosecco, hope that’s okay.”

“Yeah, I like that too. Thanks, babe.”

“Yer welcome, love. Oh, don’t wanna f’get this, no, I don’t,” he says, and a moment later, a small wrapped box arrives on my lap.

“Harry,” I begin in protest, but sitting down next to me, he doesn’t let me continue.

“Don’t worry, jus’ open it.”

“I was going to say that I didn’t get you anything for our six month today,” I tell him with emphasis in my voice. He shakes his head while taking a bite of the cake, swiping at his tongue dotted with crumbs.

“There’s nuthin’ I want- jus’ open it, Becks. Please,” he insists, nodding at the present and looking away quickly to stab at the cake again.

“Okay then,” I tease, sitting up and crossing my legs. “Harry Styles, this better not be a you-know-what ring.”

“‘s not, babe. Ya still haven’t given me that answer, so ‘course not,” he explains with a mouth full of cake, and crazily, I love him all the more for it. Shaking my head at the smirk he wears, I tear at the metallic, purple wrapping paper until I arrive at a white, square box the size of my palm. “Maybe ya could gimme an answer t’ anotha question I have instead,” Harry says slowly, right as I pry the top off to find a lone, purple house key waiting for me.

“What?” I laugh without thinking a thought about why, or how, and every other thing in between. Looking up and away, I find his dimpled cheeks the near color of roses. A laugh wheezes from his lips as he sets down the plate on the table, but I find it hard to focus on as my heart begins a race inside my ribs.

“I meant it when I said tha other night that I wanna fall asleep next t’ ya ev’ry night, babe. So, what d’ya say t’ sleep overs with me ev’ry night, hmm? Will ya move in with me, Becks?” and just like that, it all clicks inside of my head, even though I had put a few of them together just a moment ago.

Plucking the key from the box, I rub it between my fingers, and then my eyes return to him, like everything always does. His bottom lip is riddled with indents from his chattering teeth, as if his eyes like a meadow weren’t boring into me already.

“Becks, love?” he murmurs softly, anxiously. A curve arrives on my lips, mere moments before I cross the sofa and jump onto his lap. His peppery, vanilla scent swims around me while his ever contagious laugh does the same, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. “Bloody hell, woman, can I get that answer from ya already or not?”

Giggling, I at last pull away from hugging him and come to feel the days of stubble littering his cheeks, just how I like it. The flecks of gold and ivory in his eyes catch the light as they dance over my face, and I wonder what he sees in mine as his fingers get lost in my hair. I wonder if he sees the answer before I say it, because what else would it be but, “Of course, Harry. There’s nothing I’d want more.”

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combeauferre · 4 years

Note

All the end of the year asks that no one else ends up asking you -☃️

i dont think anyone else is asking me anything so i guess i have a lot of questions to answer

2 - album of the year?

doom days! album of my life tbh

3 - favourite musical artist/group you started listening to this year?

dodie! i went to see her with my friend in february and i’ve been obsessed ever since!

4 - movie of the year?

jurassic park! finally watched that this year and i loved it

6 - episode of tv or webisode that defined the year for you?

gilmore girls: the lorelais’ first day at yale! this was the episode that i watched over and over again after i applied to uni

7 - favourite actor of the year?

probably maya hawke, i really fell in love with her

8 - game of the year?

it’s between cards against humanity and uno im ngl

9 - best month for you this year?

it’s between september and october, uni prep, seeing people before i left, and finding some great friends here to settle in with has been really great

10 - something that made you cry this year?

my mum making the christmas pudding without me

11 - something you want to do again next year?

see bastille live! i’m so desperate to see the doom days tour

12 - talk about a new friend you made this year?

ok wow can i take a second to talk about my group chat? i can’t tag all of you bc there’s a lot but in particular @ttlmt @it-suckerpunches-my-clown-heart @philsaidlesbianrights @unorthodoxsavvy @dreamenby @doseofhowell @perigeecoffee @introvertification and @the-rose-river have been great friends to make and really made my year

13 - how was your birthday this year?

it was great! i got to celebrate it 3 times, first with my whole family, we had a meal out and i had tapas for the first time and it was great, then a couple of friends came over for my birthday weekend and we got drunk and played cards against humanity on the kitchen floor, and then again last weekend when i went home and had a really great home-cooked meal and got my hair dyed

14 - favourite book you read this year?

the upside of unrequited by becky albertalli! honestly i love her books so much, and this one wasn’t a queer love story but it really resonated with me and i just related to it so much

15 - what’s a bad habit you picked up this year?

swearing oops

16 - post a picture from the beginning of the year

november 29th 2018/january 22nd 2019

17 - post a picture from the end of the year

21st november 2019

i decided to go with art! i’ve really come so far with my art and i’m incredibly proud of myself for it

18 - a memorable meal this year?

dinner with my family for my birthday! we had tapas, which was so cool to try something different. i ate calamari and actually enjoyed it, and it was so nice to see everyone i’d been missing

19 - what are you excited about for next year?

i’m really excited to start my new modules for next semester, i can’t wait to see where uni takes me

21 - what’s something new about your place of residence now vs at the start of the year?

well they’re on opposite sides of the country for a start

22 - favourite place you visited this year?

the eden project! i went with @youblowuponesun after she finished her degree and it was so so cool

23 - if you could send a message to yourself back on the first day of the year, what would it be?

hold tight, you might feel like you’re running with no direction right now but it’s going to start coming together really soon

24 - did you keep any new years resolutions?

i didn’t make any lmao

25 - did you create any characters (in games, art, or writing) this year? describe one

yes! amelia who has popped up in two of my fics so far! dan and phil’s adopted daughter, she’s obsessed with piano and she loves dancing. that’s all ive got so far ngl

#thanks so much! i enjoyed doing this!#it's all under the cut #abie answers #anon #tecpgc #Anonymous

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gotatext · 5 years

Text

PREFERRED NAME — nora. i think i started going by it in like, 2009?? my full name is eleanor but i hated it n thought it was way too pretentious n i never felt like it fitted me so when i started writing on forums i decided i’d be a nora rather than eleanor and then my school friends called me it and it just kinda stuck, the only person who calls me eleanor is my mum

PRONOUNS — she / her / ethereal being beyond comprehension

AGE — 23 but i tell everyone im 21 because even tho time is literally fake im desperately clinging to that fleeting thing we call youth trying to catch it like smoke in my hands

PINTEREST — i actually have two. this one is my main one where i just cram all my shit n i’ve had it for years and some of its super unorganised. then i also have this one which is one i made for exclusively female characters. it started as mythological figures but now its like, women in literature and the occasional oc as well. variety is the spice of life!

DISCORD — lindsay lohan’s meth#8664

TUMBLR (PERSONAL/MUSE/RPH) — i used to be froseths but now im pvrscphones cos ya gal is a fucking whore for mythology

OTHER SOCIAL MEDIA YOU’D LIKE TO SHARE — oi oi guvna ere’s me twitta. also here’s my letterboxd n my goodreads if anyone still uses tht

MYER-BRIGGS — enfp / infp border .... the classic profile of a lit student

HP HOUSE — hufflepuff, am fuckin mad.

ZODIAC — libra which is a joke because i am in no way balanced but i guess i AM indecisive and a peacekeeper so?

DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY? — i believe it when it says good shits gonna happen in my life and blame it if bad shit happens but i don’t strongly follow it i just find it interesting

HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU STARTED RPING ON TUMBLR — maybe like 14?? my first rp blog here is literally so embarassing i wrote as clove from the hunger games n my best friend irl wrote cato :/ it was wild

WHAT YEAR WAS IT? — like 9 years ago?? 2010 maybs

NAME A RANDOM ROLEPLAY THAT STICKS OUT IN YOUR MEMORY — me n my friend ellie made this really cool group the summer before we left for uni which was loosely based on a concept mentioned mayb once in the divergent series, but it gave us loads of freedom to make it our own thing. it was called the fringe n it was like..... this dystopian society where people with different genes were cut off from the rest of society n lived in overrun slum cities where different groups had like, a monopoly over weapons, produce, etc.... my character jack was the leader of this lost-boy-esque tribe called the wolf pack who were hunters n used to run across the rooftops wearing the skins of animals they’d killed and engage in tribal rituals with sacrifices to the gods n shit. sounds lame but everyone there was so invested in their character arcs that it was a shame to see it go. but ! it kind of reached its end point so we blew it up w nukes n they all died. tragic.

WHAT WEIRD ANIMAL WOULD YOU HAVE AS A PET IF IT WAS REALISTIC — a fox?? do ppl keep foxes? idk i’ve always just felt a sense of connection w them like when a fox stares at me im like this shit is life i am living and breathing in this bitch.... visceral

NAME THE FIRST SONG ON YOUR DISCOVER WEEKLY ON SPOTIFY OR THE FIRST SONG THAT COMES ON APPLE MUSIC / ITUNES SHUFFLE — everbody party tonight by cobra man n summer girl by haim..... not my usual stuff but big summer chillin vibes,.....

NAME A BOOK THAT YOU READ IN SCHOOL THAT YOU SURPRISINGLY LIKED — lord of the flies and also the handmaid’s tale. one of assignments was to write a chapter from another character’s perspective n i chose moira

NAME A BOOK YOU HATED THAT MOST PEOPLE LIKED — skellig. fuck off with ur asprin ugly bat man i don’t care. also of mice and men. don’t care about the rabbits or curley’s goddamn wife.

WHAT TV SHOW DID YOU RECENTLY BINGE? — im not a big binger bc i find it jst makes me depressed if i watch tv all day but im nearly finished stranger things season 3 n i recently finished euphoria (big rec but proceed w caution as quite triggering content)

FAVOURITE QUOTE — cool girl speech from gone girl. but also “there’s something dangerous about the boredom of teenage girls” i know its like.... such an overused quote but it really encapsulates this kind of feral girlhood that a few of my characters like bridget n greta have tapped into. i also loved the line “i feel like i could eat the world raw” from song of achilles, that really captures this kind of.... pure n childlike enthusiasm tht i wanna achieve w rory

LINK TO A VINE THAT EXUDES YOUR ‘ENERGY’ — this is my energy completely am always covered in glitter n staring broodily out of the windows of ubers at 4am like im in the sad bit of an indie film

DO YOU WRITE OUTSIDE OF RP? WHAT DO YOU WRITE? — uhh.... not as much as i shd.... i want to be a writer so i shd be makin some effort to get my stuff Out Into The World but im just not.... lol. ive done a lot of poetry collections . i wnt to finish a novel @ some point too.

THREE YOUTUBERS YOU STILL TRUST — bold of you to assume i trust any youtubers

A CELEBRITY CRUSH THAT JUST WON’T QUIT — id literally die for saoirse ronan n timothee chalamet :/ chance perdomo also owns my ass.

EVER MEET A CELEBRITY? SHARE YOUR STORY — i once high-fived dani harmer, the actress who played tracy beaker. today my sister text me tryin to make me guess what celebrity she just saw on holiday in wales and for ages she let me think it was timmothee but it was actually bradley walsh from the chase :/

WHAT’S YOUR PICTURE-PERFECT NIGHT? — i am in a bomb ass crop top and mini skirt, several scrunchies in my hair, glitter all over my face, wearing cowboy boots. we eat dinner in a trendy but affordable pub that doubles up as a cocktail bar n then we drink zombies or sex on the beaches n go to a rave where everyone is on the same wavelength n i share drugs with girls in the toilets and we swap numbers knowing we will never text each other but its ok bc in that moment we feel like we are soulmates and everyone is super drunk n touching everyone else n its all very visceral and we walk through the woods when the rave ends and lie in the grass because we wish to suck out all the marrow of life

A CONSPIRACY THEORY YOU KINDA BELIEVE IN — princess diana was murdered

ARE ALIENS REAL? — maybe the real aliens are the friends we made along the way

PLAY ANY PHONE GAMES? WHICH ONES? — love island game im addicted and way too invested in my fictional relationship with bobby, a cartoon

WHAT’S A FILM YOU LOVED WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG AND RECENTLY WATCHED, ONLY TO FIND OUT YOU DON’T ANYMORE — bold of u to assume i remember my childhood. but if we’re talking last 10 years angust, thongs n perfect snogging is so so cringe

DO YOU COLLECT ANYTHING? — pairs of glasses belonging to other ppl when they break / get new ones even though i can see perfectly well.

WHAT’S SOMETHING YOU WANT TO LEARN MORE ABOUT BUT YOU’RE TOO LAZY? — mythology...... always a craving and a wish i’d read like ancient texts but my school wasn’t good enough to do greek or latin or any of that shit n even tho i could read english translations i cant be bothered. also criminal psychology

THREE LANGUAGES YOU DON’T SPEAK, BUT WISH YOU COULD — italian, french and latin

MOVIE YOU’VE WATCHED MORE THAN 5 TIMES — ladybird, about time, angus thongs, shrek 2, what we do in the shadows, the history boys, atonement, coraline, the breakfast club, ferris bueller’s day off

NAME A FICTIONAL CHARACTER FROM TV/FILM/MOVIE/GAME/BOOK THAT YOU FIND YOURSELF PROJECTING ON / YOU RELATE TO — cecilia lisbon. rue in euphoria. alison brie in glow. adam parrish in the raven cycle. richard papen. olivia cooke’s character in thoroughbreds. allen ginsberg in kill your darlings. lily in sex education. holliday grainger’s character in the film animals --- i too am an aspiring writer who never writes and just gets drunk instead .

DO YOU FOLLOW ANY SPORTS? WHO DO YOU ROOT FOR? — no. cba

HOBBIES BESIDES WASTING AWAY HERE? — i go to the movies basically every day bcos i work in a cinema. im also a voracious reader n i occasionally do theatre or costume making

PLUG A TV SHOW / MOVIE / BOOK / VIDEO GAME / ETC… YOU WISH MORE PEOPLE WOULD CHECK OUT — where the wild things are (film by spike jonze). animals. beats. the book fen by daisy johnson and a girl is a half formed thing by eimar mcbride. andy warhol’s biography from a to b and back again

WHOSE BRAIN WOULD YOU LIKE TO PICK, ALIVE OR DEAD? — phoebe waller-bridge on how i get her life. carey mulligan on how she got to be such a good actress n how i can become her. maybs wes anderson. maybs gillian flynn. i tend to listen to podcasts w the ppl i really wanna pick the brains of.

TEAM EDWARD OR JACOB? — edward :/

LAST MOVIE SEEN IN THEATRE — blinded by the light n i lovd it

DO YOU STILL READ? — when i finished uni i kinda got out of the habit but this week i finished two books so ive set myself the challenge of a book a week.

IF SO, WHAT ARE YOU CURRENTLY READING? — i finished song of achilles yesterday n i also finished call me by your name yesterday. started circe by madeline miller today, im also partway through milkman by anna burns and the plays of annie barker

ON A SCALE OF 1-10, HOW MUCH DID YOU HATE FILLING THIS OUT? – 3 i didnt hate it bcos at heart i am self-indulgent and love fashioning some sense of self when i feel lost in a world that is scary and constantly changing

#wshedtask002

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jamespottervevo · 5 years

Text

painted red (to fit right in) 1/3

James Potter is Spider-Man, and no one gave him an instruction manual.

He really could have used that manual.

Spiderman!AU | no movie spoilers | 7.k words | ao3

thank you to @frxddi @n0tromulus and @sitienessuficientecoraje for beta reading!

(if you showed any above average interest in this fic [yes I read tags bc I crave validation], I’m going to tag you here- @elanev91 @magic-girl-in-a-muggle-world @frustratedpoetwrites @cornerforward13 @padfootdidit)

CHAPTER 1: i feel it in my bones

----------------------

James Potter came to in handcuffs. Again. Sirius kept a tally, for some asinine reason, of all the times he woke up handcuffed. Specifically in public. Not that he made a habit of being handcuffed in private either, that would make things a bit awkward around the house, paper thin walls and all that. He would never be able to look his mum in the eye if she walked in on him in cuffs, or the suit for that matter. He really didn’t want her to walk in on him in the suit. Not because he didn’t like it! He looked pretty sick in red after all. It was just- James took a breath, blinked once, then twice, then tried desperately to ignore the ache that had found a home at the base of his skull.

He was in the back of a squad car and for some inexplicable reason, no one had thought to try and peel off his mask. James supposed that, in the officers’ defense, the seam was really hard to find sometimes. But, on the other hand, what was with the police in New York? Had they even been trained or had they just been given a gun and told to shoot brown people?- something very fucking unfortunate for James.

He looked back down at the cuffs on his wrist, jangling them a bit to see if by some miracle the cops had forgotten to actually lock the damn things, but no dice; maybe they had been trained after all. At least they’d been so kind as to cuff him in the front. He could work with that. His eyes flicked toward the rear view mirror and he watched as a few officers milled about, surveying the scene, chatting loudly, kicking garbage, generally being vaguely scummy in a sort of indistinct way. He grit his teeth and cracked his neck, bouncing just a bit in the seat to garner up some sort of energy, to shake off the fucking jackhammering going on in his skull.

He twisted in the seat, as subtle as he could manage before kicking at the door, hard, and knocking it open. (It occurred to James later that he could have just used the handle.) Okay, so maybe he really needed to work on that whole “not alerting every cop in the area to his escape” thing, but he was like, sixty percent sure he might have had a concussion. He couldn’t be blamed for the stupid things he did while most likely concussed, but he knew for a fact that Sirius wouldn’t let him live it down once the video footage broke.

But right,- cops, staring at him and yelling, hands drifting to weapons. James took another deep breath and pretended his head wasn’t a few seconds off from exploding before he began running, feet hard and fast hitting the pavement. He couldn’t see, sensory overload the helpful little voice in his head supplied as he jumped over a fire hydrant, down the sidewalk, sirens starting to blare behind him again. Everything was too much. Too much light, too many colors, too much movement. He picked up on it all and felt like he might throw up his Cheerios. He really shouldn’t have had that second glass of chocolate milk either.

“Come on, come on,” James mumbled, eyes dating; he just had to find a building tall enough… He grinned as he turned the corner, all but smacking right into a beautiful skyscraper. Okay, maybe it was a little ugly but it was absolutely perfect. He glanced over his shoulder, the police turning the corner. James flicked his wrist, and offered the police officers a wave as the web shot from his hand and plastered itself to the wall up ahead.

“Well, officers, it’s been a ple-” He cut off as the force of the web retracting finally grabbed him, yanking him off toward the wall at a speed that was definitely not safe for the concussion he definitely had or the breakfast he was definitely going to throw up. He’d never thrown up in the mask and he absolutely refused for that first to happen while being chased by a few very angry cops while handcuffed.

Webslinging? Much harder while handcuffed he might add.

But cuffed or not, the feeling still opened up some part of him. Like...magic. Everytime he was in the air, James felt more alive than he thought should be allowed. Like every breath he’d ever held suddenly rushed out of him, no weight to burden him. Nothing had ever made him feel quite so real. It was as close to flying anyone could ever get, he reasoned.

Well. Flying with a little more thought, he amended, as he shot another web, twisted his body to avoid slamming head first into a billboard. Something about lotion. Or maybe yogurt. He hadn’t been able to get a clear picture while hurtling past at breakneck speed. But it had looked like Jamie Lee Curtis, so probably yogurt.

While yes, being in the air, grabbing buildings and flagpoles and billboards to swing and throw himself farther and farther away from the cops was nice (breathtaking, spectacular, fucking fun), it didn’t exactly stop his head from threatening to explode. Had the sun always been that fucking bright? When the sirens started to fade out into nothingness behind him, James began trying to find his alleyway.

Despite what the papers said about him, he didn’t think he was a “public menace” at all! Sure, maybe he still hadn’t quite got a hang of the whole “hero” thing yet, but it’s not like anyone ever gave him a manual. Couldn’t just google “am I a spider?” or “how to be a superhero?” - though, he did think there was a wikifact article on that one actually- or even “how to look good in spandex?” And yes, maybe he’d tried to google that one.

But.

Just because knew he couldn’t truthfully be labeled a public menace, it didn’t necessarily mean people, you know. Agreed with him. So landing in the street? Not a good plan. Besides, all of his belongings were stashed away behind a dumpster and a cleverly placed board in the alley behind the Indian grocery near home. It took a few more swings before he caught sight of the familiar signs and swung himself down into the alley. His nose scrunched. Oh god. He’d forgotten it was garbage day. But beggars couldn’t be choosers, he supposed as his feet hit the ground. He stumbled, having momentarily forgotten that he had definite brain damage and also was handcuffed and probably could taste color thanks to the overstimulation.

James gave his surroundings a cursory glance- he had to be quick about this- before yanking his wrists apart, hard, splitting the cuffs with a satisfying CRACK! Fucking hurt though. And now he just had two locked on bracelets. And still had his suit on. And-

His phone was going off.

James’ train of thought slowed as he heard the blaring saxophone riff of “Careless Whisper” increasing in volume from inside his suit. Fuck. Shit. Fuck. His alarm. Throwing another glance around the alleyway first, James ripped off his mask, hair standing straight up and undoubtedly looking like a rats nest. George fucking Michael was going to get him caught in a skeevy alleyway, half dressed, in handcuffs. Is this what his life had come to? Goddamnit. He hoped his mom didn’t put all that information in his obituary after she definitely murdered him for galavanting about as a superhero without her permission.

After a bit more fumbling, he managed to unzip his suit and shove his hand into it, silencing his “hey dumbass it’s time for school” alarm. Because he was a dumbass who was definitely going to be late for school. James looked around hopelessly, as if he could find a magical key somewhere in the alley that would let him get the fucking cuffs off.

What a sight he bet he was- half dressed in his Spider-Man suit, squinting without his glasses, wobbling from the concussion. James paused, and reached out to steady himself by throwing a hand onto the wall.

His (wildly out of focused) eyes landed on a mostly distinguishable blur. Huh. So, maybe it wasn’t a key, but a pipe should work, right? Without much thought (because, as James would admit, he rarely did anything with much thought) he slammed his wrists down onto the pipe as hard as he could.

The metallic clang echoed through the alley and he had to bite back a cry of pain as the reverberations shook through his wrists, but the cuffs snapped off. A couple bruises were nothing new! He’d be fine!

James spent a few more moments fumbling in the alley. Nearly falling headfirst in the dumpster while reaching for his backpack. (He’d learned his lesson and had wrapped the bag in a quadruple layer of plastic grocery sacks to keep the Garbage Reek off of it.) Tripping over his own feet as he stripped out of the suit. Almost tearing a gigantic fucking hole in his t-shirt as he tried to get it on over his head. He was doing great.

Once he was finally changed and his suit was hidden and his backpack was de-plasticed, James glanced down at his phone. Fuck. Fuck. 7:39. He couldn’t exactly websling his way to class and he’d told his parents he was spending the night with Remus so it’s not like he could manage a ride off them. Fuck.

----------------------

james potter to Big Chungus: anyone near devars rn?

sirius black: tf u at devars for at 7 in the morning

sirius black: ik we have ladoo at home unless ur fatass ate all of them

remus lupin: I’m pretty sure that pete ate most of the pack james thought he’d hid in that hollowed out book on his shelf

peter pettigrew: you promised you wouldn’t tell!!!!!!!!!!!!!

james potter: 1) hate all of u.

james potter: 2) not about snacks just need a ride so come get me

remus lupin: be there in five you absolute jackass

remus lupin: but I want some of those chickpea things from the store as payment

remus lupin: the ones with the peanuts with them

james potter: literally said this wasn’t about snacks like two secs ago. Not even in the store

remus lupin: u want a ride? Bc this is about snacks now jim

james potter: ...which size bag do u want

----------------------

The thing was, he’d never meant to be a hero.

He hadn’t purposefully shoved his hand into a creepy spider’s weird science prison containment cage during the field trip to RidCorp. Hadn’t gone out of his way to bend metal pipes in half on accident (that had been a shock to say the least). Hadn’t woken up one morning with the intention of sticking to walls. Door handles. Stairway railing at school. James Potter had been happy! Never wishing he had more or could be more or should be more.

Because he loved his life! He loved his parents and his friends. He played soccer and helped carry the debate team to victory and fucked around in some of his classes! No seventeen year old in their right mind would purposefully go out of their way for that sort of responsibility! He barely remembered to take out the garbage- of course he never meant to become a hero!

He’d also not meant to accidentally save Lily Evans’ life.

But life just had a way of intervening, didn’t it?

----------------------

“You’re staring.”

James jolted slightly, glasses slipped down the bridge of his nose. Sirius made himself comfortable far too close to James’ ear before throwing himself down at their usual lunch table.

He decided not to grace Sirius with a response and instead rubbed his neck, pretended he wasn’t thirteen different types of pathetic. “I was not staring- I mean. No, what? Who would I have even been staring at?” Smooth, Potter, he thought, really fucking smooth. Inconspicuous.

Sirius raised an eyebrow as he swung his backpack from his shoulders and dropped it to the floor with an unceremonious thud. James flinched at the sound. (Concussed, remember? A week later and he was still dealing with headaches) A few people glanced their way, but it wasn’t as if Sirius seemed to care. Well, James reasoned, he probably had done it for the attention in the first place. James adjusted his glasses, concentrated quite fiercely at a place on the wall, poked at his food with little intention of actually eating.

Sirius snorted. “So you mean to tell me that you weren’t staring at Evans then?” The lilt to his voice made it very apparent that yes, Sirius knew that he’d been staring at Evans and was now being the world’s largest dick about the fact.

Before James could continue his scathing silent treatment, Remus sank into his customary seat. “Oh, no, James was definitely staring at Lily,” he provided. Traitor.

James pulled his phone out from his pocket and finally tore his gaze away from the very intriguing concrete wall and tapped out a message.

james potter to remus lupin: et tu brute

He set down his phone with a huff. “I was not fucking staring at Evans,” he lied. Poorly. Because as he spoke, his gaze shifted back toward her direction. James only vaguely registered Remus’s scoff at the text message because…

God.

Lily E. Evans (so he may have glanced at her student ID. Once… Okay, four times) happened to be the singularly most beautiful person he’d ever met. Fuck, that he’d ever seen. And that included Kim Possible, who he may or may not have had a fat crush on as a kid. (He had a type, okay? The guys never ceased to give him shit over that, but resolutely, James refused to be shamed for the level of self awareness he was positive people would be plenty jealous to achieve.) Evans blew everyone else out of the water.

He loved her hair- thick and red with impossibly good looking bangs. (James melted whenever she pulled it into a ponytail and had managed to fucking fail gym class freshman year because he was distracted. Over a ponytail. Gym class! He was a student athlete!) Her eyes that he could have composed sonnets about if he knew how to do that sort of thing. Her dimples. Freckles. The stubbornness written into her chin, her jaw. Her eyes. Her eyes. Her eyes.

Then there was the way she laughed and flipped her hair over her shoulder and only ever used purple InkJoy pens. The fact she laced her boots to the very top and tucked in the excess. How when she seemed anxious, she’d put on cherry lip balm like a nervous tick. The way she always knew the answers to anything Slughorn asked before James could even comprehend the question. How she gave tours to all the new students and never faked a smile. God. Then there was her smile. He’d thought a lot about her smile. How to make her smile at him instead of scowl. Huff. Frown.

Evans was...was an angel. A goddess. A-

“You’re literally about to start drooling.” Peter snapped James from his reverie. The tater tot that hit him in the face shortly after helped as well.

James snatched the weaponized tot off the table and popped it into his mouth. “No I wasn’t,” he lied once again, this time around the food in his mouth. He swallowed. Stole another one of Pete’s tater tots. When had he sat down anyway? Had he been that enthralled in Evans-land (again)?

Unable to help himself, James took one last glance in Evans’ direction before the undoubtable barrage of soggy potatoes could commence.

Her head was thrown back as she laughed, a featherlight hand on Snape’s shoulder. His stomach clenched.

Evans was a pipe dream.

----------------------

sirius black to peter pronounced venti wrong three separate times in the starbucks line: take bets, is minnie gonna let us pick our groups for this project

peter pettigrew: i hadn’t slept in 40 hours! Bc you made me stay up! Watching every fucking fast and furious movie

peter pettigrew: and then made me give analysis after each one

peter pettigrew: and keep a comprehensive ranking of them

remus lupin: pete did you drink three venti coffees????????

sirius black: he got thru one before he said “his heart was going to burst”

james potter: jesus christ dude

james potter: but tokyo drift is obviously the best

remus lupin: isn’t gal gadot in some of those?

remus lupin: my mother keeps telling me to find a nice jewish girl think she’d be okay with this?

sirius black: jim ur opinions are trash, pete ur coffee habits are wack, remus I keep telling u we’re soulmates god. Now FOCUS.

sirius black: groups. for. project.

remus lupin: dude of course she’s not letting us work together

james potter: yeah do u like...not remember what happened last time

remus lupin: pete still can’t eat spaghetti

peter pettigrew changed chat name to PTSD (post traumatic spaghetti disorder)

----------------------

He died. That had to be what had happened, right? Maybe all the brain trauma he’d been hiding from his parents had finally caught up to him. What movie was it where everything turned out to have all been a dream? Because that was another likely situation. Really, anything felt more plausible than McGonagall- Minnie, his guardian-fucking-angel, a saint on Earth- pairing him with Lily E. Evans for the history project.

James did a great job pretending he hadn’t seen the less-than-thrilled look on Evans’ face when the pairing was announced. Because he was living. The project meant he’d have an excuse to talk to her without coming across as a creep. That he’d be able to spend time with her outside of school.

Pathetic? Oh, definitely. But James couldn’t make himself care because Evans’ number was written in purple ink, tidy little numbers, on the back of his hand. He may or may not have memorized it before class had even ended. So yeah. Pathetic. Happily, happily pathetic.

James kept looking down at his phone.

lily (love of my life) evans: meet me at the nat. history museum by on the front steps?

lily (love of my life) evans: 5:30 okay?

James knew without a doubt that if Evans had asked him to show up at four in the morning and wait all day, he would have without question. So 5:30? No problem. It gave him a little extra time for his patrols too! (Admittedly, he was the only one keeping track of his patrols, but it wasn’t like he should sit by and do nothing, not with the powers he’d been given. Right? Right.)

James couldn’t wipe the grin off his face, not even when he ducked into the closest abandoned alley to change. This time, he’d managed the foresight to wear most of his suit on under his school clothes, save for the mask and gloves. He was learning, thank you very much.

He could only imagine what he looked like, swinging from building to building while still wearing his backpack. (A text from Sirius informed him that he “looked like a whole ass fucking weeb.”)

Swinging from one building to the next, just listening, focusing, he let his senses kick into overdrive to pick up anything unusual. Since the bite, the world had grown too loud, too much, at times. James learned how to turn it off, eventually, but it took him time. Days of headaches and nausea and blurry vision, days when he could suddenly see the flecks of dry skin on Pete’s cheek from across the room. When he could smell Evans’ perfume tables away in Minnie’s class and he nearly fainted. It definitely took time. But he liked to think he’d gotten better at it all. At trying to be a hero, using his powers.

He hadn’t...done much, admittedly. He’d helped that one woman get back into her car; he’d climbed up onto the roof to grab a basketball for some kids. Oh, he’d gotten back a stolen bike, chased down a purse snatcher. Pulled a kid from the street to avoid a jackass on a motorcycle. Small things. Good things, but small things. He’d only been at this for a few months- just long enough for the police to hate him on sight and the Daily Prophet to label him a menace just because he may have accidentally done some light property damage. Maybe.

But doing nothing? Now that felt like a waste. James swung up onto the edge of a roof, plopped down to make himself comfortable, and tugged off his mask. He gulped down fresh air and tilted his head back, letting the wind rush over his face. The building was too tall for anyone to be able to make out his face from down below, or at least he hoped that was the case.

After a little more fumbling, James pulled his phone from his suit and began tapping at the screen while still wearing his gloves. Of course, that didn’t fucking work because it never worked. He huffed and yanked a glove off with his mouth, his other hand pressed against the ledge for balance. He could just imagine his obituary if he fell.

“James Potter was beloved by everyone except his mother who he’s going to send into an early grave because of his shenanigans. He looked like a fool and at the very least could have worn a jacket. He fell off the building because he never ate his ratha poriyal because his brother told him it would make him turn into a Chupacabra. It’s a miracle they didn’t fall off the roof together. He leaves behind a messy room and an angry cat who has begun peeing everywhere in retaliation. In lieu of flowers, send a cleaning crew.”

So he held onto the ledge.

Evans hadn’t texted yet, which meant he still had a little longer to kill before showing up at the museum like a lovestruck fool. James took a few minutes to absently scroll through Twitter, check his email, stockpile a few memes for the guys later. He snapped off a selfie, angling it just right before sending it to the groupchat, just to flex.

----------------------

Casual. Casual. He could do casual. He could definitely do casual. Casual? Not an issue. James Potter was smooth as fuck. He kept his focus on the soccer ball in his hands as he stared up at the stucco ceiling. He tossed the ball in the air, caught it, repeated. Toss. Catch. Toss. Catch.

“So,” he began, fighting the waver in his voice. These were his best friends. They’d understand. Right? They’d believe him. “You guys heard about Spider-Man?” Saying it out loud felt like coughing up dust.

Sirius glanced over from his nest in the beanbag chair, raised an eyebrow, shifted slightly. Remus made a soft, disgruntled sort of sound as Sirius moved and made a bit of a show of adjusting his legs across his lap, draped from where he sat in James’ desk chair.

“You mean the dude that’s been running around in pajamas?” Remus asked, scowled down at Sirius who had simply started wiggling in the seat. Ever the help, Pete began tossing licorice bites across the room to Sirius to further egg on his wiggles. Well. Maybe hinderance, based on Remus’s look as he bapped Sirius on the head with his novel before looking over at James. Sirius caught a bit of licorice in his mouth and he and Pete threw their arms up in triumphant glee. “I’ve seen him on the news some, yeah.”

The ball was in midair as he began to sputter, sitting up. “He does not wear pajamas!” Without sparing a glance, James stuck his hand out and caught the soccer ball in his open palm. Remus looked mildly impressed. Mildly. High praise, really.

Peter chewed on a piece his of licorice. “No, I agree with Remus. He’s definitely wearing pajamas,” he mumbled around his candy after taking his time to come to that conclusion. A conclusion James had hoped would be rational and obvious because of course Spider-Man didn’t look like he was wearing pajamas.

Sirius snorted, tapping away at his phone. “You’re just agreeing with Remus because he’s smart,” he deadpanned, gaze unwavering. Instagram, if James had to guess. But!

“So you agree with me then, right? He’s clearly not wearing pajamas!” James exclaimed, relief almost obvious in his tone. He set the soccer ball down. Uh. Fuck. Okay. His hand was stuck. He casually just...left it there. On top the soccer ball. Like anyone would do.

Sirius let out another snort. This time his eyes wandered over the edge of his phone to land on a perfectly, totally chill, super normal James who just happened to like resting his hand on a soccer ball. “What? Fuck no, of course it looks like he’s in pajamas.”

“But-”

“Remus is smart, not wrong.”

James was melting. God. Okay. Just be calm. Don’t make things weird. Take it eas- “I’m Spider-Man!” He shouted, cut himself off when he remembered they were in his bedroom and his parents were home and he didn’t need the wrath of Euphemia Potter at six o’clock on a Tuesday. “I’m Spider-Man.” He repeated, a little quieter, a little calmer.

This time, it was Remus who broke the silence first. With a surprised yelp of laughter. He set down his book and looked at James, nose wrinkled in amusement. It made him look younger, James realized, the nose thing. “Dude, c’mon. You’re telling me that you, James Fleamont-”

“God don’t remind me-”

“- Potter are Spider-Man,” Remus finished, the corners of his lips tugged up into a cheeky grin.

James suddenly felt, oh what was the word? Re-fucking-gret.

“Do you not remember freshman year gym with Hooch? Because,” Sirius started, “I do. You fell from the top of the rope climb and smacked your bigass head onto the gym floor. You threw up. We all watched you throw up.”

James could have done without the fucking laughter in his tone. Brother who? No. He was an only child from there on out. “Okay that was only because I saw Evans do this thi-”

“You also fell down the stairs last month, like, all of the stairs,” Peter chimed in because of course! Clearly it was mock-James-during-his-big-dramatic-alter-ego-reveal-moment-time! “A lot of people saw that too,” he added with clearly careful thought, fucking reminiscing about James falling headfirst down the stairs. As if he didn’t have enough brain damage already.

He couldn’t take it anymore. Without thinking (wow, he had a habit of not thinking) James flicked his wrist and shot out a web, snatching Sirius’s phone from his hand.

The room went very...very quiet. The trio turned to look at him, faces blank, as if their reactions were buffering and then Sirius opened his mouth-

“What the FUCK.”

----------------------

peter pettigrew to SPIDERJAMES??????????????????????: okay so can u lay eggs

james potter: dude wtf no??????

sirius black: okay r u sure tho? Like have u really tried to lay an egg?

james potter: why. the fuck would i try to lay an egg??

peter pettigrew: science

james potter: I don’t lay eggs.

remus lupin: what happens when you masturbate

james potter: I do NOT want to answer that

sirius black: yknow, also p invested in jim not answering that

peter pettigrew: ………morbidly curious

remus lupin: it’s just as valid as asking about eggs.

james potter: I regret telling all of you anything ever in my life

james potter left the chat

remus lupin changed chat name to spidersemen? is it a thing.

sirius black: im so uncomfortable

remus lupin: good. hard questions should make you uncomfortable

peter pettigrew: ha! Hard.

sirius black: u were so pure before we were friends

remus lupin: you don’t know my life.

----------------------

James shifted on the roof, slipped his phone back into his suit. 5:06. He had exactly 24 minutes to get get to the museum, change, and make himself look perfectly loveable to be just on time to meet Evans. Right. Super duper reasonable! He swung his legs around from the edge of the roof, moving back onto solid ground and grabbing his backpack in one fluid motion. The museum was...James squinted, used his finger to point as he counted, six blocks away. He could totally handle that in 24 minutes.

Wait. Mask. Right. He bent down to swipe his mask off the roof ledge when his body went cold. His muscles tightened, the hair on the back of his neck standing up as a creeping feeling rolled up his spine. He could hear see smell taste everything oh god there was a baby crying down the street- pizza- cat being chased- woman yelling on the phone- trashcan.spiderwebonthefireescape.taxisnearlycolliding.tacotruckemptyinggrease-Hey Get Out Of Her- No I Didn’t Tell Him Ab- I Love You Have A Good D- Yeah I Got The Shit It’s-

James let out a sharp gasp and broke focus, his hand curled tight around his mask. It happened, sometimes, an overload like that. The kind that made every nerve in his body go into hyper-super-what-the-fuck sensitive mode. He felt it, all the time, really. Walking down the street. When he answered the front door. When he saw the police. He didn’t have to have the suit for that. He once tried to explain it as anxiety dialed up to fifty, when there was danger, his body reacted. Like an allergy.

Without a doubt, that spider-sense never led to anything good, especially not when the feeling came across that violently. And in that moment, all James could hear, smell, think was “Yeah, I got the shit. It’s pretty low quality, you sure this is what he wanted?”

James yanked his mask on, took a deep breath. Focused.

“Yeah, I got the shit. It’s pretty low quality, you sure this is what he wanted?”

He started to run and without hesitation, threw himself off the roof, arms spread, a nose dive. A leap of faith that he wasn’t about to do something incredibly stupid. Focus. James shot out a weh on instinct, catching a fire escape and throwing himself higher, faster.

“Yeah, I got the shit. It’s pretty low quality, you sure this is what he wanted?”

Close. James was close. His body felt tense, on edge. He swung around a building and nodded at the wide-eyed woman in the passing window, waved. He heard the slam of a car door. A van. An alley.

“Yeah, I got the shit. It’s pretty low quality, you sure this is what he wanted?”

He landed with a loud, metallic thunk, a creak as the fire escape settled under his weight. James winced, scrunched his eyes shut, said a little prayer that the men didn’t hear him. He quickly ducked behind a comically small potted plant and prayed that would be enough.

Slowly, James peered around the plant, nudging one of the leaves out of the- weed. He was hiding behind a cutesy terra cotta pot of weed on someone’s fire escape. Okay then. He stored that information away for later and took everything in.

A nondescript black van sat parked in the alley, one of the back hatch doors swung open. James could just barely make out a few cardboard boxes stacked in the back. Two men stood to the side, backs turned to James’ hiding place. One in a hoodie, a cigarette in one pale hand. One in a button up shirt tucked into dress pants.

“How much more is he gonna need?” Hoodie asked. His voice hadn’t seemed to have dropped. Young sounding. James scooted a little closer, pushing the plant for cover and immediately regretted the action as the pot scraped across the metal grating. Loudly. Whoopsie.

He studied Hoodie, nose scrunched as he wondered why a teenager wou- oh. If that was a teenage dude’s ass, he was definitely going to have to reevaluate some things later. People did always think that Sirius was his boyfriend which like, gross? They were practically related and he’d seen Sirius’s dental hygiene habits up close and he did not want to get personal. If he’d date any of his friends, obviously it would be Remus. Was that even a question? Actually, Pete would be rather supportive no matter what.

James frowned. He did have a bit of an obsession with George Michael- He paused the steamrolling thoughts and just...filed that crisis away for later.

Button Up shifted, folded his arms over his chest. “Unsure. The experiments have been going as we’d hoped, but it’s not even close to passing under FDA regulations.” Button Up sighed and pulled a bulky looking phone out of his back pocket. James squinted. Was that a flip phone? Who the fuck still used a flip phone?

Button Up held a finger up to Hoodie and brought the phone up to his ear. The three waited, James with baited breath, Hoodie with restless posture and puffs of smoke, Button Up with a perfectly blank face.

Hoodie moved her weight from one foot to the other and pulled her hand from her pockets. She pushed the hood of her sweatshirt off, revealing a mess of dark, curly hair. She took a drag off her cigarette. Exhaled. “Look, I’m in a hurry here. Your boss has my number if he needs anymore, but he’s gotta remember that my supplier takes his time with this. I won’t be able to pull this much out of my ass again.” Hoodie spoke around the cigarette in her mouth, blew smoke toward the van.

Button Up didn’t glance in Hoodie’s direction. “Yes. Hello sir! I- yes...no we didn’t run into any issues- Five boxes as ordered, I’ll be...Uh. Yes. I’ll ask.” He snapped his phone shut, cleared his throat. “He wants five more shipments, as well as a few...test subjects. Double the pay if you get it done by the end of the month.” Button Up cleared his throat, moved as if adjusting a tie.

Hoodie nodded once, then twice, dropped her cigarette butt to the ground and extended her hand. Button Up clasped it in a way so professional, it was almost funny. “He better, or else. Don’t think the boss would like it too much if the Prophet caught wind of this, now would he?” There was confidence in her tone, another shift in her posture. Holding her head up higher. Power, James realized. Whatever this was, the cards were in her hands.

Button Up withdrew his hand and turned away from Hoodie, closing the back door of the van. James’ body thrummed with energy, jittered. They’d not said anything illegal, but he knew better than to doubt his spidey sense. He needed to do...something. Follow one of them or catch one in a web or… Something.

In his moment of internal debate, James had missed Hoodie’s retreat, leaving Button Up to focus on. He turned toward the fire escape as he rubbed his temples and James got a decent look at his face. He felt...a little disappointed honestly. No super badass scars or tattoos, and he wasn’t that good looking. He looked plain, forgettable. Hanging from his shirt was a security badge. James couldn’t quite make out the words, but he recognized the logo.

RidCorp. The pioneer and leader in innovation when it came to new pharmaceuticals and genetics, RidCorp was the public’s darling when it came to the future. Cures for cancer and growing new organs and...James had just watched an employee make a shady deal in an empty alleyway.

He didn’t hesitate. When Button Up turned once again, started to walk toward the driver’s side door, James dropped down from the fire escape with a THUMP. He took a moment to prop a hand on the wall, cross his ankles as he leaned. Button Up swivelled on his heels, fast.

James wiggled the fingers on his free hand. “This looked like a lot of fun. Can I join in? I’m a great conversationalist!” He wished he had a camera to capture the look of absolute “what the fuckery” on Button Up’s face.

“Shit,” Button Up hissed as he leapt into the van and slammed the door shut. Before James had the foresight to memorize the license plate, Button Up was speeding off down the alley. The van made a violent turn into the street and was reasonably met with angry honks and shouts.

James grinned, shot a web, and let the momentum carry him after the van. Button Up hadn’t managed to get very far before James caught sight of him again. He kept up the pace of webswingjump, webswingjump, until he was close enough to land a web onto the top of the van.

Unfortunately, it was impossible to swing from superpowered spiderwebs in a very crowded city, down a very crowded street, without drawing attention.

“Is that Spider-Man?”

“Who’s he chasing?”

“God that costume’s stupid looking!”

That comment was just hurtful, but it wasn’t as if he had time to stop and argue with a random New Yorker. He perched on the roof of the van as Button Up sped down the street, veering in a way that clued James into the fact he was trying to be shaken off.

He stuck himself to the roof with one hand as he bent over, upside down in front of the windshield. “Use the spray,” he shouted, pointed down at the wipers, “I’m sure that’ll help! Usually gets bugs off!” He gave a thumbs up and Button Up slammed on his brakes. The suddenness of the stop dislodged James from the roof and if it weren't for his reflexes kicking in, he’d have flown headfirst into the street. Instead, he fired off a web and swung himself up onto the side of a building, breathing hard.

The van started moving again as James carefully tried to come up with a plan. He’d not expected to get nearly so far. He couldn’t let Button Up get away! Before he could undoubtedly have his brilliant lightbulb moment, police sirens began blaring in the background. Oh fuck.

He looked around, glad for the mask to hide his panic. Sirens. Sirens. Sirens. James tilted his head. A few blocks out still, it sounded, but that didn’t exactly give him much time-

Time. He threw a panicked glance over his shoulder toward the clock hanging off a department store front. 5:26. Evans. James looked back and the van was...gone. Fuck. The police were closer; the van was gone; he couldn’t be arrested again; Evans was going to kill him.

After a moment of deliberation, James started to websling, throwing around his weight as he flung himself up in the air, higher and higher, quicker and quicker, to get to the museum in time. Evans would make that face at him if he was late, the one that made him want to retract into his own body and wither away. Disappointment.

His heart pounded and James could hear it in his ears, breathing fast and hard and his hands were so sweaty. When he finally caught sight of the museum, a wave of relief washed through his body because not only did he see the museum, but a blur of red hair just turning down the sidewalk.

He was going to be on time. Sweaty. But on time. He swung in closer, aiming for the alley around the corner. Evans wasn’t going to hate him. She’d fall in love with him for knowing the names of all the dinosaurs and they’d get married and have the cutest child and- no. no. no. no. no.

James’ body went ice cold.

The scaffolding over the entrance where workers were taking down a metallic spider.

The giant hunk of metal slipping out of place.

Falling. Falling. Falling.

He didn’t think.

He just moved.

It happened faster than even James could comprehend.

The screaming. The warnings. The panic.

A girl looking up too late.

The spider was too big for James to simply push the girl clear of its path. So he shot a web at her waist and pulled her into his chest, curling around her as he threw both hands up to catch the spider as it fell. (Talk about irony.) The weight of it all sent vibrations down his arms and he couldn’t breathe, too high off adrenaline, couldn’t think.

And then… quiet. People stunned into silence around him on the steps, shocked workers up above, the girl no longer screaming in his arms. James gave a grunt and dropped the spider to the side, let his arms drop.

He panted as he looked down and met a pair of green green eyes. Those eyes. Evans stared up at him in wonderment. Relief. Whatever it was, James wanted to savor the moment.

He cleared his throat, stepped away, put his hands on his hips because that’s what superheroes did right? “Alright, E- Miss?” He forced his voice lower. As low as he could make it. Pretended it didn’t crack when he spoke.

Evans blinked up at him, her shoulders shaking. He loved the coat she wore, it matched her eyes- oh god, she’d been talking. “- I...thank you,” Lily finished, hiccuped. James grinned because no one could see.

Admiration. That was the look in her eyes. He didn’t know what to say.

Sirens picked up volume in the background. Cops and an ambulance, James distinguished. Someone in the crowd had probably called 911. Right. The cops definitely still hated him. His feet did not want to move but after a few seconds of internal wrestling- he could just yank his mask off right, show Evans that he wasn’t an entire jackass- James flicked his wrists and fired off a web.

Then he finally spoke “I’m your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man,” he continued trying to sound like Batman, let the web start to pull him away, “that’s what I’m here for!” God. He needed a better catchphrase. But Evans eyes were still on him and she seemed so adoring that he nearly forgot to fire off another web to keep from landing face first in the street.

He had spidey sense, not common sense.

When he wrapped the corner, he could already hear the chatter from the crowd picking up intensity, the sirens halting as the emergency responders arrived at the museum entrance.

The thought hit him as he landed in an alleyway. Evans was going to think he was so late to their meetup.

Fuck.

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taikanyohou · 5 years

Text

alphabet tag!

tagged by: @namjoonddaeng (bianca!!! thank you my angel!!!).

a (age): 23.

b (birthplace): england, uk.

c (current time): 17.51.

d (drink you had last): americano.

e (easiest person to talk to): my mum.

f (favourite songs): there's so many djdbidbi but current faves are - i'm ok by ikon, getting closer by seventeen, sappy by red velvet, yes or yes by twice, forever young by blackpink, i love you by exid, 134340 by bangtan, lullaby by got7, underwater by monsta x, city 127 by nct 127, gravity and trauma by exo, tian di and selfish by kris wu and night light by 9by9.

g (grossest memory): i can't think of a current one, but when i was a kid, on my first day of nursery, a boy pushed me and i fell on top of the snack table and was covered in food and drink and no one got their snack that day omggg.

h (horror yes or horror no): yes if i'm watching it with somone, no if alone.

i (in love): ... lol irl? nope.

j (jealous of people): not anymore. i've made myself break that habit.

k (kids of your own someday): .... nah.

l (love at first sight or should i walk by again): right now love is at the bottom of my agenda tbh ... but yeah, if i do fall in love, i wanna know the person properly.

m (middle name): i don't have one sadly :(.

n (number of siblings): 3. 2 sisters and 1 brother. i'm the eldest.

o (one wish): urmm ... that i can stick to my diet and exercise plan for the whole of this year.

p (person you last called): my mum.

q (question you're always asked): are you really 23? bc you don't look it.

r (random fact about you): i have a birth mark slap bang in the middle of my inner right arm that most people think is fake, bc its THAT accurately slap bang in the middle of my inner arm.

s (song you last sang): how's this by hyuna.

t (time you woke up): 9am.

u (underwear colour): fjfjsid black.

v (vacation destination): dubai.

w (worst habit): overthinking.

x (xrays): just at the dentist.

y (your favourite food): steak. or desi. or burmese.

z (zodiac sign): gemini.

i tag: @ethnicenergy, @guxuehangzhou, @andwebegin, @henderygf, @vanqoh, @sophrosynes, @lov-scenario, @dulcet-bts and @ladyemkaldwin!

#mentioned in #thank you for tagging me bianca!!!!! ❤❤❤

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tywvin-archive · 5 years

Photo

creator tag meme!

rules: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 favourite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc!) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2018. tag as many writers/artists/etc as you want (fan or original!) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

i was tagged by @maiaroberts and @arthurpendragan , thank you guys! <3

this moana gifset i just adore and that i’m still sad about because it didn’t get as many notes as i thought it deserved

these mulan posters i created for an event on @/fandomaestheticnet!

these soc posters i made in a rush and ended up loving much more than i expected!

this four horsemen of the apocalypse edit that is one of my all-time favourites!

this alina starkov edit that leigh bardugo herself reblogged and that i didn’t expect to be half as popular as it ended up being!

tagging @lavndertown , @savsastark , @branwellcharlotte , @lokiofasgcrd , @helenstroy and @rosaeles ! if you’ve already been tagged or done this, i’m sorry!

more tags under the cut!

hug game!

i was hugged by @savsastark who i love a lot and want to hug back <3

i’m hugging:

@rosaeles who i love very much and hope to see happy more times because she’s one of the most wonderful people ever

@helenstroy because even though we don’t talk a lot lately i miss her

@lokiofasgcrd who i miss and admire a lot!

@kleopatrar who i miss LOADS ( where are you kleo? :( )

@daenerya who is an awesome person who deserves all the good in the world <3

@oscqrwildes who i just recently started talking to but appreciate a lot! <3

@ninazeinik who i adore! <3 miss you malia :(

@ginecra because feri is an amazing person and definitely deserves a hug <3

@nycs (hi deena ily!)

@leejordan because i still haven’t wished sabrina a hny and i’ll take the chance to do it now!

@arthurpendragan who is an amazing creator and an even better person <3

misc tag!

tagged by @ginecra <3

[rules : answer the questions in a new post and tag ten blogs]

age: 17

birthplace: spain

current time: 8pm

drink you last had: water

easiest person to talk to: myself? i’d say my dog but he’s not a person sadly :(

favorite songs: drift away by dobie gray! and long tall sally by little richard too

grossest memory: too many, and too traumatising too, but i’ll go with stepping on a living roach last summer as i was walking to the cinema

horror yes or horror no: horror yes but i’ll cry afterwards

in love: kinda

jealous of people: less and less everytime! which is good :)

love at first sight or should i walk by again: i do sorta believe in love at first sight tbh

middle name: won’t say bc i hate it DESPISE it more like

number of siblings: one

one wish: to fucking end all wars on earth at once idk what the hell we’re doing

person you last called: my mum

questions you’re always asked: "how are you doing?” HORRIBLY brenda thanks for asking tho! school is fine but my mental health is just on the verge because y’all transphobic as fuck! ;)

song you last sang: shelter by years and years

time you woke up: 5am because i couldn’t sleep :/

underwear colour: blue lmao

vacation destination: g r e e c e

worst habit: measuring my worth in terms of other people’s opinion

x-rays: i’ve had them twice or thrice???? if that’s what this means???

your favourite food: i’m boring but pizza probably. or cheese! i love cheese

zodiac sign: capricorn

music tag!

i was tagged by @legohlas , @arthurpendragan , @daenerya and @mindfulelys !

rules: list the 10 songs that you currently cannot stop listening to and then tag 10 people.

cringe by matt maeson

new rules by dua lipa

shelter by years and years

love of my life by queen (rock in rio live)

the other side by hugh jackman and zac efron

mambo no. 5 by lou bega

ain’t got rhythm by yes phineas and ferb it’s a fucking bop and y’all know it

ymca by village people

this is me by keala settle

all for you by years and years

misc tag #2!

rules: answer and tag people you’d like to know better

I was tagged by @aesthetic-ravenclaw ! <3 thank you <3

nickname: john, ele

age: 17

gender: male

astrology sign: capricorn

height: 165cm aprox ig

sexuality: bi as hell

Hogwarts house: slytherin!

favourite animal: dolphins and cats

average amount of sleep: sleep? idk her

number of blankets: as many as my body can stand

dream job: activist

when I made this account: march 2018

relationship status: got a wonderful gf :)

favourite colour: dark green

lipstick/chapstick: nah

3 favourite foods: pizza, salad, cheese

song stuck in my head: thank u, next bc it popped up on shuffle

last song I played: ^

top 3 tv shows: game of thrones, hannibal, the handmaid’s tale

last thing I googled: olly alexander

fandoms: woooow too many

time: 8pm (8:20 but)

i was tagged by @branwellcharlotte thank you ♥

are you named after someone?

kinda (it’s a long story)

when was the last time to cried?

yesterday lol

do you have kids?

nah man i’m 17

do you use sarcasm a lot?

what do you think

what’s the first thing you notice about people?

if they’re left handed or not lol

eye color?

dark brown

scary movie or happy ending?

gimme angst!!!!

any special talents?

i can find the border in tape pretty easily if that counts?

where were you born?

spain

what are your hobbies?

making artsy stuff, reading, writing, watching shows!

do you have any pets?

YES A DOG I ADORE!

how tall are you?

165cm i think

what sports do you play/have you played?

i played basketball when i was younger but i don’t anymore

favorite subject?

ancient greek

dream job?

activist

#me #thanks for tagging me! <3

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fictionisanaddiction · 5 years

Text

28 Questions

tagged by the lovely @borzoighost and @amortality

Rules: tag the person who tagged you, answer the questions, tag 20 people, love yourself

1. How tall are you? 5′2″ (a smol bean)

2. What color and what style is your hair? I dyed it blue and pink a few months ago but it has mostly faded back to blondish now but still has a few weird faded colour spots. It’s just over shoulder length and pretty straight and boring.

3. What color are your eyes? Blue

4. Do you wear glasses? Ye

5. Do you wear braces? Never needed em!

6. What is your fashion style? ??????? femme? bright colours? comfy jumpers?

7. Full name? No thank- my middle name is Lesley though and my mum gave it to me and my sister bc it’s her middle name even though she doesn’t like it.

8. When were you born? 11th Sep 1996

9. Where are you from and where do you live now? I’m from Hertfordshire and I live in Exeter

10. What school do you go to? University of Exeter

11. What kind of student are you? I used to work 6-8 hours a day to get 2:1s but now I’ve got into a terrible habit of split screening my work and the X Files so god knows how that’s gonna turn out 12. Do you like school?

I always liked humanities subjects and I really like the friends and communities I had at school and uni

13. What are your favorite school subjects? English and RE and History

14. Favorite TV shows? BTVS, The X Files, Firefly, Stranger Things, any true crime documentary

15. Favorite Movies? V for Vendetta, Tarzan, RENT, RHPS, Little Miss Sunshine

16. Favorite Books Lolita by Vladamir Nabokov, Harry Potter, the Regeneration trilogy, the Chaos Walking trilogy, Bleak House

17. Favorite pastime? Eating, watching TV, reading, hanging out with dogs and friends

18. Do you have any regrets? yh kinda a lot

19. Dream job? I’m hoping to be a primary school teacher <3

20. Would you like to get married someday? I think so

21. Would you like to have kids someday? Definitely!

22. How many? Ideally 4 but I ain’t fussy

23. Do you like shopping? I hate clothes shopping in person- it’s tiring and stressful and makes me feel like shit. I like shopping for stationary and random shit online

24. What countries have you visited? Scotland, France, Belgium, Italy, Spain, Latvia, Cyprus, Switzerland, Germany, Egypt, USA, Canada, Nepal

25. What is the scariest nightmare you’ve ever had? I used to get sleep paralysis and once hallucinated that Emma Stone came into my room and raped me and then I couldn’t look at pictures of her for months without feeling sick. Also once I had a dream I was on a picnic with Timone and Pumba from the Lion King and there was a storm and the house we sought shelter in was full of giant moving furniture.

26. Do you have any enemies? Don’t think so- my dad is a terrible person but I haven’t seen him for over 10 years so I can’t say we’re active nemeses

27. Do you have a s/o? Yep!

28. Do you believe in miracles? I don’t think so.

I tag @satans-foot-on-my-neck, @deans-child-will-have-wings, @hereforthewomen, @bisexualbonniebennett, @ehzv, @tokengayfriend, @jets-break-the-soundbarrier, @theellieberry121, @purely-molzify, @some-are-worth-the-rolly-joger, @dumblr-door and anybody else who feels like it! Obvi no pressure if you don’t want to <3

#me #28 questions #tag game #tagged

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dontdowhatisayandnobodygetshurt · 5 years

Note

Since you've done all odd numbers.. even numbers?

OH DEAR GOD OKAY THAT’S GREAT!!! Thank you so so much for asking, amazing Anon!!!!! :’D Here we gone, it’s gonna be long again, so it’s below the cut!! Click read more to learn more randomness about me!!! X’D [questions from here]

2.have you ever found a writer who thinks just like you? if so, who?

Not exactly like me, no. That’s the good thing about art; nothing is the same! :D

4.would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

LMAO NO

6.how many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?

Not many. I tend to distrust men more with physical harm and I distrust women more with emotional harm. I have… trust issues. I trust my frens and some of my family members and that’s about it. oof. ^__^”

8.who would you like to see in concert?

If I’m gonna be risking sensory overlord… Coldplay!

10.would you ever want to swim with sharks?

HELL TO THE YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :DDDDDDD

12.what was the last thing that made you laugh?

My Dad just brushed Ria our German Shepherd and came in COVERED in fur X’D X’D

14.have any pets?

YES!! Three dogs (Ria the German Shepherd, Granger the whippet, and Maude the mutt/Pomeranian-ish), three chickens (Haymitch, Cinna, and Effie) and two ducks (Peeta and Katniss). Don’t worry, we named the poultry after Hunger Games characters to be ironic, since we have no plans to kill them and they’re spoiled AF. X’D

16.do you have piercings? How many?

I don’t! I wanted some, but… eh we’ll see. XD

18.what are you craving right now?

Intimacy. :’)

20.have you ever been cheated on?

No. And if I ever am it will absolutely destroy me. So yeah, if my future partner is reading this, please just… don’t. Break up with me first, at least.

22.do you believe in true love?

Meh. Maybe, maybe not. I don’t know. I hope it exists though!

24.do you like the snow?

I’ve never seen snow!! I WOULD LOVE TO SEE IT AND JUST FACE-PLANT INTO IT!!!!!!! :’D XD

26.is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

Kinda depends on the circumstances??? but it’s usually it is pretty cute! ^-^

28.go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!

Six million pounds of space dust settles on the earth every year.

ummmm…. thanks, I hate it? XD

30.what color do you really want to dye your hair?

BRIGHT FUCKIN YELLOW. PIKA PIKA MOTHERFUCKER!!! >:D X’D

32.talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.

I have this one bag that’s been with me since I was 8. It’s basically a glorified sack that creases every bit of clothing you put in it to hell and it has straps and rope ties and it’s navy blue and I love it!! :D X’D

34. what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into?

My own goddamn house. Had to bust a window and everything. X’D

36.what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.

Okay so my Mum exclusively buys black socks. Just…. black socks that you can’t even tell apart, but I can’t wait till I can buy the most RIDICULOUSLY CUTE HECKING SOCKS ON THE PLANET. I do like wearing socks, I do not sleep with socks on, but I think they’re great!! :D XD

38.do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!

It’s p small and it has lots of art I can actually appreciate on the walls and it’s got a low ceiling and kind of a comforting, dark-but-still-sunny den kind of vibe. The booths are actually comfortable. A lot of wood and smokey colours. There’s a slate fireplace crackling somewhere. It smells strongly of coffee and vaguely of liquorice. There’s a spot at the back that’s mostly hidden from site, the perfect place to curl up and read a book while picking on a muffin that was reasonably cheap but the size of your whole hand. Closest place to heaven on earth.

40.what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?

Not being able to breathe. Pretty much, ya.

42.think of a person. what song do you associate with them?

Sam aka myriadimagines. And this song, idk why, it just reminds me of her.

44.do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

ASDFGHJKL ACTUALLY THIS THING THAT SAM HERSELF WROTE IS MY FAVE. I read it like a 2 years ago now and it still stuck with me and it’s so beautifully poignant I want to SCREAM. hello yes why are my friends so talented are they even REAL??????????

46.what are some of your worst habits?

I forget to eat and generally forget to take care of myself, I deny myself things I like for absolutely no reason??? I procrastinate everything, I bite my fingernails super low and also the skin around them bc I’m fuckin constantly anxious and can’t sit still, I overthink everything, I stay up way too late… honestly I could keep going, you get the point. XD

48.tell us about your pets!

OKAY SO. Ria is absolutely OBSESSED with her ball, and I mean OBSESSED to the point where she has no idea what to do with herself if you take it away and gets all anxious and whines and paces till you give it back. She constantly sheds and she does this sUpER CuTe thing where she wraps her front paw around your leg while you’re trying to walk and trips you. :))) Granger is either made of metal or a deflated pool toy and there’s no in between. She eats literally anything, including ants nests bc you know they must taste GREAT. She’s super stubborn. She gets smile wrinkles if you rub her neck. Maudie was rescue we got as a really small puppy. We only knew her mum but her dad must have been a Pomeranian bc she looks almost exactly like one. She has this thing where she bites you when you surprise her but really she’s a sweetheart. She’s mostly blind and deaf and has no idea where she is most of the time, I don’t think. XD The chickens are all idiots, the ducks are scared of me but still eat out of my hand when I offer them grapes. Haymitch likes to jump up on my back, Effie likes falling asleep on my lap, and Cinna pecks me a lot and leaves bruises but she lets me stroke her at night when she’s dozing off. :’)

50.are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

I think they can be funny… in small amounts. :/// Their laughs are pretty infectious, you gotta admit. XD

52.describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.

Wariness and weariness and beauty and a fierce want to be loved.

54.are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?

YEEEEESSSSSSS. An Ouroboros (either sealed or pulling away idk), a blank line of my arm so I can write how many days I’ve been without a relapse bc I need to be held accountable for my actions, a black square with colours bursting out, I also really love blackout tattoos???? I want a bird on my middle finger. :)))) And maybe a smiley face near my collar bone. The quote “what a marvel life is.” I also want the word “promise” on me somewhere, idk where. Maybe a feather somewhere too??? AHHHH SO MANY MY DUDE!!!!!! :DDDDDDDD maybe even a Southern cross but I don’t want to be one of those wankers y’know XD

56.what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

Star Wars, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Mulan, Into The Spiderverse. Basically just my favourites lmao. XD

58.if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?

Neither, eesh. Maybe the past….?? Maybe…? I guess it’d be pretty funny to grab “I’m a girl!!!” Matt and shake some sense into his thick skull. X’D

60.what are some things you do when you can’t sleep?

Oh boy. Throw a ball at the wall and catch it, try to write, have a panic attack bc I should be sleeping, read, play Pokemon, listen to music, pat my dogs, possibly cry… world’s my oyster. XD

62.who is the last person you told a secret to?

My Mum.

64.what’s your favorite food?

🍕 !!!!!!!! :DDDDDD

66.three songs you were recently obsessed with.

this one - this one - this one

68. three favourite old songs

this - this - this

70.worst possible time to get horny:

lmao when both my parents are home and I have no time to deal with ittttt… occasions like that are the only times I’m sort of grateful I can’t get a boner and give myself away. XD

72.do you believe in soulmates?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I don’t believe any relationship is “perfect”, though. There’s always gonna be difficulties.

74.who was the last person you cried in front of?

Dad. Oof.

76.is it easier to forgive or forget?

Neither. :))))))) Forget… I guess?? But really. Neither. :)

78.do you have trust issues?

*inhale*

Y E S

80.would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

Nopeity nope nope. XD

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING, ANON!!!

#Matt speaks #wooooooo a lot #X'D #love ya anon!!!#<3 <3 <3

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