#but it’s like I’m always there when ppl need me and when I need them it’s like speaking into the void

[adorabluesposts]

I’m a massively hopeless romantic and hopelessly in love with our short paranoid chaotic duck loving king and the THINGS I WOULD DO TO THIS MAN JUST BECAUSE I LOVE HIM SO MUCH.

Anyway thoughts about he’d react to constant affection because my love is physical affection and maybe sometimes giving him handmade gifts because nothing beats time wasted on handmade shit. I LOVE THIS MAN SM ITS TOO MUCH 😭😭😭

I WANNA CONSTANTLY SHOWER HIM WITH KISSES AND PRAISES PLS.

Basically requesting a fluff with all of the above 💀💀

I also love your writing style sm, hope you’re having a great day/night

buckle up cause this is gonna be SWEET!

Thanks for the appreciation on my writing, I'm still working on it 😭💖 love this sm. This is for the physical affection ppl 🫶🏻

a/n:.. added some acts of service love language too I'm so sorry 😭

NOT PROFFRED.

PROOFREA. PROOFREWD. I can't spell.

NOT PROOFREAD.

(I managed)

divider by @al-of-the-stars. NOT MINE!!

It's not a surprise Lucifer's a sucker for physical attention. Not in a sexual way, just hugs and holding hands in the most unusual times.

At first you started off with 'baby steps', occasionally giving him a kiss on his cheek or lips, holding his hand or playing with his suit when he didn't expect it, just to see how he'd react.

He would get flustered, turn into a blushing mess and pretty much feel like his knees would give oit at any minute. He would never admit what an impact you had on him, though.

When the showers of affection got more frequent and he realised what you were doing, every chance he'd get he would basically invite you to do those things for him. He loved tricking you into thinking he didn't know what your love language was and , even if he still got all flustered and was still surprised because he, obviously, didn't know what to expect (a kiss or a hug), he convinced himself he was just acting so flustered to trick you, again.

Of course Lucifer's love for you gets more and more powerful with every kiss.

His wife left him, after all, so he needs all the affection you can offer. He really loves you.

Even though you noticed he still wears his wedding ring sometimes, you know how hard it is to let go, and you showering him with affection actually helps him get through it!

"Good morning, handsome!" You shower his sleepy face with kisses as he slowly wakes up, watching his grumpy face turn into a weak, tired smile.

"Morning" He smiles and cuos your cheek as you pull away, pushing you back in for a kiss.

He notices you're all dressed already and raises an eyebrow, sitting up. "Where are you going?"

"Well, Your Majesty-" He smiles at you, loving how intimate it sounds when you call him that, "-It's Monday. Meaning I have work to get done."

He frowns and you laugh. "Bummer."

"I made you breakfast, so you might as well get changed." You ruffle his hair as he struggles to put it back in place, even if it was tangled already and playfully huffs at you, lecturing you on how his hair must always be perfect as you leave the room.

When he joins you in the kitchen, you gasp in awe, like every morning. You go up to him and praise him for being so good looking, pestering his face with kisses and telling him how you're falling in love over and over again.

He lovea it truly, holding your waist as you praise him. He looks at you with lovesick eyes and a goofy smile and only let's go when hinger takes the best of him. He praises you back, too, for being such a good cook (or not burning the kitchen down.. in certain people's cases aka me).

Before you leave, he makes sure to leave one of his ducks in your bag , knowing that by now you have millions if them in your office, as you leave one of your handmade gifts, drawings, or sweets in your shared room.

He almost never wants to let you go to work, turning the radio on to twirl you around in the kitchen and kiss your face or hands until it gets so late you either have to run to work or make him open up a portal for you.

It's not his fault he just loves the way you love him.

Ive never written something so fast in my entire life. THE THINGS LUCI DOES TO ME OMG.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin #hazbin hotel lucifer x reader #hazbin spoilers #hazbin hotel fandom #lucifer morningstar #lucifer x reader

[emxritus]

re: ur post about criticizing the wealth of the watcher boys and that they’re an “indie company” i agree that I always feel uncomfortable when ppl try and frame them as starving artists. Idc if they’re not millionaires, if they’re not the 1%, they (to ME) are still considered rich. (Also, indie doesn’t mean poor??? Just independent?? Plenty of “indie” companies are fucking rich okay guys?) like, teslas may be “more common” but it’s still a luxury car. The cost of buying, (even the cheapest) maintaining, insuring, and charging one is worth more money than I could fathom spending on a car. It’s a luxury that I (also an artist here!) could never even dream about affording as of now. Idc if they own a business and therefore the thousands they make doesn’t all go to their pockets. Their business = their responsibility to run it properly and finance it smartly. If you own a Tesla I consider you rich (and a bit out of touch if u wanna support musk financially but that’s a whole other can of worms) if you think a Tesla doesn’t make someone rich (even a little bit) I encourage you to examine the privilege it takes to own one and to have that perspective.

I won’t speak to moral standings or anything like that. From a pure money perspective, Teslas are a luxury. Hundred dollar designer bags are a treat many ppl would have to think VERY HARD ABOUT before purchasing. Buying those things without a thought is a privilege.

Sorry for this rant, I’m too scared to say this on my own blog, but I’ve appreciated a lot of your posts on this situation and I hope you’re doing well and taking care of yourself!🥰

Absolutely, anon! You completely nailed it! Thank you for sharing, I'm glad to see others agreeing too because it is absolutely ridiculous to see the mental gymnastics people are going through on here to try and find a way to defend them or justify this all.

Ryan, Shane, Sara, and Steven, are all extremely privileged people who are not struggling for money in any sense of the word. They like to say and act as if they are, but they're not. Nobody struggling or level headed person would ever buy a Telsa and support the nightmare that is Elon. No struggling person would behave and guilt trip others this way, or manipulating their majority struggling fanbase and so arrogantly state that "6 dollars is nothing, you can pay it." No struggling person would sit and behave this way, engage in the lives and activities that they so casually do. They want to pull the whole "We are artists and need to be paid." Okay, I get that, and I agree that artists NEED to be paid, especially struggling ones, but the way they went about this is NOT it. And the fact they lied and acted as if they were barely hanging on and struggling, basically pretending to be poor, is extrenely tonedeaf. They also were and still likely are, getting a shit ton of money from patrons, ads, tours, merch, etc. As an actual struggling artist, it is offensive and pisses me off.

I'm well aware they've apologized, but IMO it doesn't truly fix anything. At the end of the day, they're rich and clueless to the privilege they hold, and that makes them both arrogant and dangerous.

#buzzfeed unsolved #watcher #shane and ryan #ryan bergara #shane madej #sara rubin #steven lim

[kavehater]

AAAH I have a mutual who’s 18 and he sorta kinda is flirting with this one guy who is a minor as a joke of course ( to which a concerned anon said that it’s weird ) but I can’t help but flashback to er*s

#granted the er*s situation was thoroughly complex and the reason she did those things was her copism with not being able to pull ( LLLLLLL ) #and ik that guy doesn’t mean any harm etc etc he’s not messed up like some ppl #BUT I DUNNO STILL #sobbing #they’re pretty sweet so #hes* #OH AND HES IRAQI TOO I LEGIT COULDNT BELIEVE THAT #dora daily #lowkey kinda sorta sad that a whole anon was more concerned than ppl i knew and who knew my age #and freely saw it happen so readily #and everyone else on that blog #genuinely and utterly disappointed #it’s always protect minors until the minors need protecting goddamn #this is especially directed at rhy yeah I’m not censoring that #🤷‍♀️ #too busy simping over minor characters who don’t have a time skip in canon and aging them up then complaining about it when ppl call out #the brain deadery of that behaviour #girl pls #you did not care about minors from the beginning literally bye #e[redacted] literally ruined my brain chemistry to say the least I will never go into how what she did absolutely muddled my brain never #told anyone and I don’t think I can ever tell someone ever #not to mention practically hyperventilating being unable to breath literally going into madness and ppl think that I’m overreacting and #telling me to shut up about it and blaming me for the situation as if I wanted any of this #lmaolmaolmao #all that and I was expected to do uni girl byeeee I need a good century to recover at least ☠️ #the only thing I DID want is friends but clearly that was a hard ask when ppl can get friends just by existing on this god forsaken app #atp I don’t even know what to say literally just wth #yall say mdni with your dumbass banners and decorate it like something special when yall are the ones to keep from minors you disgusting #wastes of clean oxygen 😭 mdni my foot gross ass adults should’ve never trusted them #the way I’d give them therapy to their complex traumas ☠️ imagine relying on a minor for therapy

[lesbiansanemi]

Do you think if I wish hard enough my mom will get electrocuted by a string of Christmas lights and just go up in a cloud of smoke. It’d be a Christmas miracle

#I’m not even DOWN THERE YET and I want to fucking KILL HER #I have to work Christmas Eve and the day after Christmas. I live four hours away from my family #I told her this MANY TIMES I said I’ll drive down after work on Christmas Eve be there Christmas morning but I need to leave by 3-4 to get #home at a reasonable hour so I can have time to unpack/catch up on a couple days of chores/get plenty of sleep #she called me last night and told me she didn’t schedule Christmas stuff until SIX PM #and when I said why tf did you do that I’m not staying that late #she got mad and upset and was like ‘it’s the only time everyone is free :(‘ #BUT THEN proceeded to tell me we were having lunch with her HUSBAND’S family at noon #(ppl I am not close with never have been literally don’t talk to) #and everyone I know is like ‘just leave when you said you were going to anyways’ #and like yeah I could but then my family is gonna be ENRAGED that I didn’t do Christmas stuff with them #and they’re like ‘well explain that your mom didnt listen to when you said you needed to leave’ #but the thing is. no matter what. they’re going to take her side #I should sacrifice my time and comfort to spend time with them because they’re FAMILY #never mind that literally not a SINGLE ONE OF THEM has EVER come up to visit me #IM always expected to drive down there. but that sacrifice doesn’t count it’s not good enough #but if I stay that late I won’t be getting home until AT LEAST midnight or later #cuz my family has no fucking concept of time so if it starts at six that means it doesn’t ACTUALLY start until 7 so most of them might be #there by 8 so I’ll be expected to stay until at least 10 to sufficiently catch up with all of them #I’m going to scream I’m going to cry #if I leave early I’m the awful ungrateful terrible bitch who never comes to see any of them #but none of them could adjust their days by just a few hours to see me before I needed to leave #FOR MY FUCKING JOB !!!!!!!! SOMETHING COMPLETELY OUT OF MY CONTROL #and like the thing is. my piece of shit manipulative bitch mother #I KNOW she did this on purpose #I know she didn’t plan this until six to FORCE me to stay longer because she was mad I wasn’t staying long #(again… because of work… something I can’t control) #so she’s orchestrated this to put me in this position #where I have to suck it up and stay and be exhausted and have tired migraines for a week cuz I get only a couple hours of sleep and then #or leave and make everyone pissed. I hate her so FUCKING much

[glitterock]

x

#u know the person that just got exposed for having a fucked up sideblog on here? #i’ve been knowing they were weird as hell for months ever since months ago when they were dating my friend and when my friend said they #didn’t wanna see them anymore they immediately hit up my dms trying to come to fuck me in nyc #knowing me and the other person were really good friends #and were telling me they had dreams about me n shit #when i say immediately i mean like the same day my friend said they didn’t want to continue seeing them #of course i said no bc i care about my friend and also just was not interested #and i told my friend and they were upset about it #so yeah they’ve always been fucking weird and creepy #always made me so uncomfy seeing ppl be besties w them bc they obvs are immature as hell along side being a terf apparently #anyway this is all i’ll say on this and if u don’t know who i’m talking about im not telling #didn’t wanna mention this when it was happening bc it’s really no one’s business and didn’t need to be blasted but also now i’m saying it #to add context that they were always giving creep vibes

[gregmarriage]

i may know it’s healthy to interact with people and be social, but that doesn’t mean i find it easy in any way

#like i don’t actually mean to isolate myself i just get lost in doing my own thing #which isn’t bad in itself #but then i find myself feeling sad and idk why #bruh you haven’t spoken to your friends in quite a while #if i was a sim my social bar would be red #but i still don’t wanna talk to people sometimes #like i have to physically force myself just to say ‘hey! #everyone pray for gwen’s social life bc it sucks and isn’t really getting any better even tho i’m trying my hardest #i do wanna push myself more and talk to ppl i’ve always wanted to talk to #but my stupid brain won’t let me #i’m trying to push past it though #it would be nice to make new friends that i then neglect bc i’m bad at friendship #idk maybe that isn’t fair #but i still wouldn’t say i’m great at it #idk i just feel dumb for begging people to talk to me #or even just sending messages to new people #or even my friends who i know won’t judge me but still #idk i’m still sensitive after my episode and i just feel embarrassing and annoying and like i’m bugging people #and i believe them when they say i’m not but it doesn’t stop completely me from feeling that way #literally ‘hey’ feels like i just pissed on the floor in front of them #like god! way to be annoying gwen!! #yes i know it’s my brain talking but literally i use up so much energy trying not to feel it #and so much letting myself feel it #and i only have so much energy as it is #not that it matters #bc most ppl don’t care as long as i check in sometimes #but again i repeat my earlier statement #don’t wanna check in i feel cringe #need friends and communication but cannot maintain them #like the 100th post i’ve made but it’s what my thoughts are currently

[peapod20001]

Birthday you say?! Hm..... by any chance do you have any particularly favorite oc? That you would want to see fanart of? Jk jk..... unless👀👀👀

Lol Shirley is usually my go to when ppl ask what character they should draw. I’ve had them longer than most and they are easier to get for some people than my other characters. Also you can just dress him in literally anything and it works so that’s a bonus lol

Some others I’m more biased towards are Felix and Rory, I think really hard about em lol. Honestly I’d enjoy anything someone makes with any of my ocs especially if it’s a character THEY like cus I enjoy seeing which of my ocs ppl fancy hahahagahaga

#ask #honestly if it’s someone I’ve drawn recently it’s a good oc to go with lol #hmmgg hm I just. honestly I’d like whatever if you (hypothetically) draw me smth #nothing makes me like a hyper fangirl more than getting drawings hsggagahsn like I don’t react that hard about anything #also I’m always down to make references if u need them or like colors or whatever #explaining certain details. cus I think A LOT about the details bahagag #but I’m honestly not a stickler about the small things when other ppl draw my characters. idk why I just don’t mind really #FUN FACT I’ve shown people irl my ‘art for me’ tag before because I fucking LOVE people and I gotta let everyone else know about it #I’m still kinda sick brain fried if you can’t tell by my rambling lol

[tariah23]

They’re calling my baby Gojo, Joseph Joestar now

#rambling #the diff is that Gojo did apologize after being called out and face to face with his racism whilst Joseph literally befriended nazi’s 😵‍💫 #and there was never any explanation from araki as to why he’d even wrote German soldiers in the shit in the first place like that was #absolutely jarring as hell to read for the very first time back when I’d gotten into jjba #well I watched it first but you know #like Joseph really thought fondly of Stroheim as this stand up guy even though he’s first of all #a Nazi #and second #the first scene that we were introduced to was of him sexually harassing a Woman #it’s……. 🗿 #still to this day I wonder if araki had ever addressed this because lord #Joseph was just happy to get the help I guess but that felt so ooc for him from what he’d seen 🗣️ #happily receiving the help of a Nazi and calling them a nice guy ahhh Joseph- #Gojo would never sjjsaj #my boo boo is a little prejudice but he’s working on it 🗣️ #I still think that gege was trying to have a ‘racism is bad’ moment but again #the execution was pretty awkward and it felt out of place considering what had been currently going down in the manga #like the Racism was pretty random but it was swiftly put to a stop which I can appreciate even if it shouldn’t have been a point of #conversation to begin with since why couldn’t Miguel just exist as a character instead of him being the now token negro #who everyone sees as instantly more frighteningly powerful than everyone else like this didn’t even need to be brought up wllssldk #idk gege was trying to be ‘woke’ 😭. sorry nbs and wp ruined the term for me but like basically lol #gojo’s pretty intelligent and extremely gifted but he’s never been perfect lol #it’s just that idk why gege chose to talk about antiblackness in Japan out of nowhere about the only black character on screen hehhhhhh #like gege tried but lmfao #this is so funny to me #at least it didn’t drag on putting Miguel in an even more awkward situation than he already was and it was nipped in the bud quickly #Gojo isn’t one to dwell on things but when he’s face with new information and is taught something he does try to reflect and do better and #I’m sure he probably started to become even more aware of what he’s saying especially when talking to Miguel in an honest way since that’s #always been the kind of character who he was despite the horrors #the only ppl who’ve been kinda annoying about this are nbs and white people as always 🗿

[jemmo]

.

#can i just rant for a second pls #about life #I hate to be the kind of person to do this I don’t want ppl to worry or just be nice to me I’m not doing this to get anything in return on #I’m just doing this bc I need to get it out somehow and feel like its at least been said #bc I have no one I can say it to #I just really don’t know how to hold myself together at the moment #I don’t know how to have the strength to push to do all these things I need to do and want to do while still holding together every other #single fucking person in my life and being the person that gets all their stress loaded onto while not knowing how to fix any of it #I wanna be that person I wanna be someone you can go to but when it’s everyone all at once and it’s all these people around me that can’t #seem to communicate and make bad situations worse and I get they don’t have the strength to keep themselves together and face things with at #least a bit of a better mindset but god I can’t do that for everyone #it feels like everyone is falling apart and I’m the person in everyone’s life that’s trying to hold them together #and I really care about these people but I can’t seem to find the space for it all #not when on top of everyone having things that are shifting their life for me then to have my own life shifting too #all I wanted was peace just some rest before it all started happening I just wanted the summer to be easy and it’s not #I wanted this summer to be normal to be that last summer of family and it feels like I can’t have that anymore and I hate it #I hate that I feel alone #and I hate feeling like I can’t fall apart or put myself first bc I’m always gonna need to and want to be there for everyone else #I hate that I can’t cope #I hate that I can’t seem to live #that I can never muster up the energy or strength to do the things I want bc it feels like every force in my life is just pushing me back #down and I hate saying this bc it’s so selfish and mean but I hate being here sometimes #I’m so afraid and nervous to leave but at the same time I think about being out of here and only having to hold myself up for once #and to not be surrounded by this atmosphere that feels impossible to be in #I just need things to stop but they won’t and I literally feel like I’m out in the middle of the ocean with absolutely no idea of what to do #to save myself and I feel like I need to actually do something about it instead of just moving on and forgetting about it bc what if I just #drown what the fuck then #and yet I feel the overwhelming need to say at the end don’t worry it ain’t that deep tho I’m sure I’ll be fine just gonna keep going #lol just gotta get back on being that person with their shit together right fake it till you make it and all that #anyway bye sorry for just dropping this idk when I’ll be back on tumblr thank you to everyone that sent nice messages before they meant alot

[tobuo]

i wanna go on a date this year but dating apps are so humiliating and also Very Straight in my area so lmaooooooo rip

#or a friend dating app bc i need friends #i love my best friend #but i’m so tired of only having her as a friend when we can only hang out every couple months #also to clarify i mean dating apps are humiliating for me #i don’t have a thing against them i just find them so awkward to use because i’m an anxious and insecure person lmaoooooo #but i wanna go on a cute date :( #i wanna hang out with friends :( #i WANT To hAVE friends :( #i wanna go to cons again w ppl and just vibe :( #so so so so tired of constantly feeling like i’m always on the outside of friendship groups #or that i like and think about people more than they do me #i should probably just sleep my mood has been funky all week #it’s just that so lonely my chest aches hour again and even a 6kg weighted blanket can’t help this time lads

[szczylpierdolony]

they should invent a suicide that doesnt inconvenience ppl around you

#i need to find friends who are as stupid and annoying as me i think #bc talking to ppl ik friends with now makes me want to die all the time and it’s not bc there’s anything wrong with them or how they act #they’re all great and really nice and smart and cool #but i feel so inadequate all the time why why do i have to be this fucking stupid and annoying #and always behind everyone on everything #and why did there have to be sth intrinsically wrong with me #abt how i look and how i act and how i talk and how i think #and i don’t even mind being stupid but being constantly surrounded by ppl sm smarter and more interesting is so exhausting #but i also never met ppl who didn’t make me feel like this #and i have hard time already befriending ppl so maybe i just wasn’t meant to have friends in the first place #it’s not for me ig and it never was #anyway idk if i really don’t want to inconvenience anyone when killing myself or if it’s just an excuse #i’m so tired and done and i still have an essay left and now this exam i fucked up #and all my friends who after writing it weren’t happy with it either apparently all got insanely good grades #so if i’m the dumbest one once again #i wish i hadnt been born and i wish i could just die on the spot and i wish to have never had existed in the first place

[mingoosgf]

They really eliminated Chanelle... I can’t imagine fumbling the bag SO BADLY LMAO

#🦄 :: talk that talk. ୭ #nah cause my girl was bigger than that stupid show itself 💀✋🏼??? #ppl don’t care about r u next but those people joined their weverse to vote for chanelle #she’s like the most fan fav to ever fan fav (globally... knetz hate her) #hybe & belift’s loss idc #i’m not gonna stan so bye lol #not watching anymore episodes either #imagine eliminating the best vocalist of the show... #i’m so sorry my bb they used you for international clout :(( and it was clearly working #watch so many people drop the show... but it don’t matter anymore? cause the finale is next week #what hybe/belift/jtbc did is pure evil and that feels like an understatement #they nasty... used ruka for clout as well #i’m aware my stan list is like hybe groups everywhere but trust me when i say i’m a HATER #i can’t believe i let them traumatize me for the 3rd time with their survival show i should’ve known #the kfication of chanelle... #anyway imma just move on cause i kinda need to... i have finals and shit #but god. chanelle i really really hope you get to debut in a place that doesn’t treat you like a punching bag :( #you’ll always be the main character.

[eeunwoo]

this is super on brand for me but today I’m experiencing debilitating frustration @ being misunderstood on the internet like some kind of loser 😩

#I’m v open and literally never lie unless it’s needed #so u can see why I struggle with people trying to claim the opposite when they don’t know me. or make assumptions and pass them off as fact #or come to conclusions without asking anyone who would actually know #and if you see some of my posts you’d argue the same about me but the fact is if I post something that could change peoples views about #somebody else .. I check with multiple people who know #that’s why the v@l and her bestie situation was particularly upsetting bc there’s an entire group of people who knows I’m right but. didn’t #say anything in support and just let a bunch of ppl send me anon hate and invent things that aren’t true #and use that situation to fit fake narratives they already thought of before #I’m not dredging it up again I’m just using it as an example #or the anon on my last blog listing a bunch of things about me that they got completely wrong and didn’t bother asking about #and sometimes I always think about clarifying those things in a huge post. but then I remember those people will just find something new to #cling on to. so there’s no point. #but it doesn’t mean it’s not upsetting. you know ? #and it’s not about a single person or anything it’s just. in general. #I’ve been criticised for admitting I’m not perfect and can be an asshole about things and somebody basically said that’s not ok either #so it’s like whatever I do sucks anyway sjdjsdn #and that’s what bothers me I think. that I doubt I’d be shunned and blacklisted as a creator to THIS extent if people took the time to #actually ask me if the things people say are true and what my explanation is #anyways .. #mrow.org

[lesbiansanemi]

Like I love to criticize jjk as much as the next person but all these really annoying ppl who are saying the series is bad because characters are dying…… 1. Grow up. 2. Why in fresh fucking hell did you EVER think everyone was gonna make it to the end of this series

#I 100% get having issues with HOW characters died #like I’m still pissed about everything regarding yuki’s death #and while I wanted Gojo to die I also wasn’t satisfied with the death we got #but like…. to act like the series is bad BECAUSE these characters are dying and not HOW they’re dying #how are you missing the series core themes….. #how are you missing that the point was that everyone was gonna die #like either yuuji was gonna die to solidify that Gojo and megumi failed #or Gojo and megumi were gonna die so yuuji is cursed to living knowing HE failed #like I just always acknowledged???? that was the direction the series was going????? #so to see people get GENUINELY PISSED that characters are dying and yuuji will almost certainly end the series unhappy…. #like I do not know how to tell you that was always gonna be the point….. #and if you thought the series was meant to have an overly happy ending you were NOT paying close enough attention #like it’s not a happy story? it hasn’t been at any point? #why would it END happy it would feel so out of place? #idk it’s just confusing to me #like by all means criticize it the series fucking needs it #but you are complaining about the wrong fucking things #idk this also might be my thing where if ppl genuinely get so attached to characters that you get unreasonably angry when they die #and can’t ackowledge that sometimes it makes more sense narratively for them to die #to the point where you like throw fucking fits about it…. #I dunno….. I think you just need to take a step back #or at least know yourself well enough to not get into media where it’s obvious characters are gonna drop like flies 🤷🏼‍♀️ #like I get major character death isn’t for everyone and that’s fine #but if it viscerally upsets you to that point #yeah…. yeah I think you need to take it upon yourself to avoid stories that are obviously gonna contain it like idk #kaz rambles

[hellfireeddiemunson]

sick of making plans with a specific friend only for her to not reach out abt actually hanging out until the afternoon after i’ve waited all day to hear back from her or for her to just cancel last minute entirely after i’ve again waited all day to hear back from her

#like i genuinely fucking get that sometimes life is exhausting and you’re tired and sometimes you need to take care of urself before hanging #out with people but for it to be so fucking consistent is exhausting for ME #we don’t even fucking make plans that often it’s literally maybe once a fucking month if that #like you’re telling me somehow whenever we have plans that’s when you’re SOOOOOO exhausted ?????? but you left the house 39203 other times #to do shit that takes up way more mental capacity than sitting bat your house smoking weed for a while and catching up????? #i just don’t fucking get it dude i really don’t #if i make plans with someone and the day of i don’t want to anymore i always tell them right fucking away so they don’t spend all day waitin #around and planning their entire day around it just to get fucked over #idk i’m just frustrated and probably need to eat something and i’ll be less angry #i’m just like. upset bc i don’t understand why she only ever seems to cancel on me or only seems to be soooooo exhausted when it’s the day #we planned to hang out like i just think it’s unfair to me and i Have expressed this in general before so it’s like ok cool #thanks for taking my own feelings and time into consideration 🙄🙄😐 #like i literally love and adore my friends more than life itself and it just hurts and is shitty when someone doesn’t act the same even tho #they’ve said the opposite idk #i genuinely hope i don’t sound like a dick right now bc i truly really understand when ppl are mentally exhausted or deal with chronic issue #issues* bc fucking SAME HERE I ALSO DEAL WITH ALL RHAT so it’s like idk i just don’t wanna sound like a dick i am just upset i’m not feeling #like i’m loved the same as i love people idk this always happens to me i feel like i just love too much and i over project and then when i #don’t get the same things in return i feel like people actually don’t like me or secretly are tryin to separate from me idk it’s shitty i #hate it so bad i want a normal brain this shitnfucking sucks #my brain is going too hard now tho i need to stop before i spiral for real right here right now on tumblr dot com

[milo-is-rambling]

Me when I want to be wanted more than anything else

#I think I’d be more normal if I had more friends but every friend I lose makes me isolate more and more and now it’s like I can only trust #people I’ve interacted with for years already #and then every time I try to make friends I either don’t respond (anxiety. not feeling a vibe. whatever) or they stop responding when I #actually like them (someone who talked to me for like four days in an row and then randomly blocked me no explanation) #I think if I made more friends or even talked to more people I’d understand how to do it successfully but I don’t have enough experience and #no one wants to be friends with me (and it’s scary when they do!!!) wahhhhhhhhhh #I need to move somewhere new and talk to strangers I’m good at that #I made more friends a a concert age 14 than I have from me the ages of 16-19 and i think that’s ridiculous #how do I explain to everyone ever that nothing bad happened to me I’m just mentally ill bc my hormones are fucked and it’s let me to spiral #and ruin my own life and then slowly painfully build my life back up and then crush it all again over and over again for years and years #to the point where I’m afraid I’ll never amount to anything so the idea of ever truly having people who find any value for me in their lives #feels like it’s fake and then when I do finally trust people I end up loving too hard and fucking it up and then I isolate for even longer #it’s takes me twice as long to find a new friend and trust them again and then it happens all over again #it feels like I’m destined to be alone bc I can’t tell the difference between platonic shit and flirting so I have a wall between me and #everyone else bc I’m afraid to like someone too much and confuse my brain bc I don’t ever want to like someone who doesn’t like me even if #it’s as friends bc I’ve put more effort in than other ppl always but it’s bc I put too much effort in and expect too much and no one else #is as weirdly obsessive and clingy and dedicated as I am bc I’m not normal and that’s why no one likes me bc I try too hard or not at all #and it makes everyone in my life family friends crushes whatever hate me bc I’m all or nothing forever I can’t just be normal #I think a lifetime of living with my mother has permanently damaged the way I see myself #who are all these normal ideal people in my brain why did my mother put them there and why will I always be worse than a hypothetical person #designed to shame me for struggling which gets louder the more I struggle #spirals cycles etc etc etc #ugh. I want my brain to turn off I’m gonna go take a dab and maybe delete this later