#but it’s so hard to change your lifestyle. i’m overwhelmed and it’s all in my mind but it’s :)))))))

[rosie-zia]

Luca Kaneshiro x Reader

A/n: After being on hiatus for eight months, I decided to go back and write stories again. This fanfic is an inspiration from Luca Kaneshiro's cover of "Honeymoon Un, Deux, Trois." This is a very long one so I hope you enjoy! :^) Word count: 2.3k+

Luca Kaneshiro was famously known as the evil mafia boss around the city and in the streets. Most people fear Luca because of the stories they have heard about his crime syndicate, but only a few knew he was like every other married man with a wife behind the closed doors of his manor. His beloved spouse was none other than you, Y/n Kaneshiro.

Luca didn’t see himself getting married so soon; however, it all changed when his father laid eyes upon you. You were known as the daughter of an elite mafia boss hailing from another country. Naturally, Luca’s father thought it was a good opportunity to create a strong alliance between two powerful organizations. Thus, a pact was formed and an arranged marriage took place. Despite you and Luca being against this whole ordeal, you two had no other choice but to go through it, and the rest was history.  In the beginning of your marriage, it was awkward as you two tried to adjust in spite of the pressure since you and Luca perceived marriage only as business and not as love. If needed, both of you would do your best to present yourselves as husband and wife in front of other mafias at every gathering and every meeting. When you and Luca fully adapted in the ways of matrimonial life, you two ended up catching feelings but were just too scared to tell the other. 

Luca saw you as nothing but a simple woman who has been involved with the dark side of the law, but his eyes were slowly opened and realized there was more to you. He highly thinks of you as a sweet lovely lady with kindness and beauty unlike any other. Your simplicity and grace immediately caught his attention that made him fall for you so hard that he feels he lost his breath every time he sees your bright smile. The blonde man doesn’t know how to express his love, so he only does it in which way he knows best: giving you materialistic things.  Ever since you married Luca, he often showered you with luxurious gifts that filled your entire room. From small trinkets, expensive clothing, and everything in between. As the recipient of his gifts, you were slightly overwhelmed how your husband provides you such an extravagant lifestyle. It felt like a one-sided marriage for you, so you did your best to be an obedient wife that takes care of the house and his needs while also involving yourself in the mafia business. Even though your marriage with Luca was mostly a smooth sailing, there had been some disputes that happened between you two. Lately, you have gotten yourselves in a heated argument with Luca, and it has been bugging you ever since.

_______________________________________

*Flashback*  “Luca, please let me know if you are in a bad condition from your missions. Don't try and hide it from me.” You and Luca are in the bathroom as you tried to tend his wounds carefully with bandages and ointments. He just returned home from another mission and unfortunately got hurt. The blonde man tried to ignore the pain and hide it from you but failed to do so as you caught him red-handed from the moment he stepped into the house.  “You don’t have to worry about me, Y/n. I’ll be fine.”  “But you are hurt right now, Luca. I worry about you sometimes… you should not let yourself get hurt like this.”  Every night, you mostly worry about him whenever he takes dangerous missions in the Kaneshiro mafia to the point you would always pray he will come back safe and sound. Although you sounded genuinely concerned about him, something about it irritated Luca into thinking you didn’t trust him enough to do his work “I said I’ll be fine, Y/n. Geez, you’re making me sound like I’m just a kid. You have no idea on what it is like to be in my position. Just mind your business will you?”  This led you two to argue for thirty minutes straight until he had enough and walked out. He may have looked irritated but deep inside, he felt like he hurt you. He ended up realizing that you were just looking out for him, but it was too late to take everything back. In that moment, he knew he had to make things right before it was too late.

________________________________________

After thinking about the events that happened that night, you were immediately snapped back to reality as one of Luca's men laid a ball gown with other fancy accessories that complimented the dress. "Greetings, Mrs. Kaneshiro. I was given an order from the boss to deliver his present to you. He wants to be present for the ball this evening. It will start in a few hours, and Mr. Kaneshiro will be escorting you to the party."

His bodyguard bowed down in respect and walked out the room to leave you alone to prepare for the ballroom party that will be hosted by Luca himself. You have no idea what is the special occasion celebrated in this event, but you assumed it was just a simple gathering to get more influential connections in the mafia.

You don't feel like going to that party, but Luca's small lion cub, Augustus, helps you raise up your spirits as he lets out small growls.

"You're so lucky that you don't have to attend a party with so many people. I wish I could just stay with you in bed."

You gently pet Augustus in which he gives out one of his toothy smiles. You knew very well that not showing up at the party is clearly not an option. Not wasting anymore time, you started your makeup routine to look good for the party. You're just hoping for the best that you will survive at the end of the day.

_______________________________________

You and Luca arrived at the ballroom before the event started as you two waited for the guests to arrive and made sure everything was in order. As always, you two will put up a face as a married couple in front of all the mafias who will be attending this gathering. One by one, you both greeted all of the guests with a smile on your faces while linking arms with each other. It may look like you and Luca are the perfect married couple and yet you both still did not resolve the argument that happened yesterday. You sighed to yourself and let Luca properly welcome the guests in his honor. When all of the guests had arrived, Luca clinked his glass to get everyone's attention. "Good evening, dear friends and loved ones, and thank you for attending tonight's ball here in my manor. I just want to celebrate a very special occasion that is very important to me. I do hope you all enjoy this night. May the party commence!"

As Luca finished his speech, all of the mafias and other guests talked away and enjoyed the party in their own ways. The gathering felt lively under the bright lights of the chandeliers in the ballroom. With the lively aura in the party, you're still confused on the special event Luca failed to specifically mention. You stayed beside Luca as he conversed with other mafia bosses until you felt like you're out of place. You excused yourself from Luca, and went somewhere else to get a breather and away from the crowd. The party was still going, and Luca can't help but steal glances once in a while to see how you are doing. He sees you by the balcony being alone by yourself with a glass of champagne in your hand. Luca knew how you can't deal with handling big crowds like this, but something about you was different from the way you look. He may be oblivious to most things but his thoughts went back to yesterday's fight, and he takes the blame for not considering your feelings.

________________________________________

After hours of dancing and drinking among the guests, the guests waved goodbye to you two and went to their respective homes. Finally, all of the guests have left, and you went back inside to close the lights in the ballroom and call it a night. The grand mechanized clock chimes to let you know it was quarter to midnight, giving you the signal to close the ballroom doors. Before you even got the chance to do so, you heard the orchestra on your left begin to play their instruments, producing an enchanting-like melody. You were about to stop them but you caught something from the corner of your eyes. Lo and behold, it was your husband by the grand staircase in all of his glory.

The heels of his shoes clicked as he made his way towards you. Something about him right now feels different than he usually carries himself. His lavender eyes seem more gentle, his outfit exactly matches the gold accents of your dress, and his overall appearance was much more dazzling compared to what he looked like during the party earlier.

Luca bowed slightly and brought the back of your hand against his lips to give it a small kiss which made you a bit flustered by the gesture. He uttered a few words that made you caught in a trance from how his voice dripped like honey.

"My dearest and beloved wife, shall we dance?"

---------------------------------------- Now playing: Honeymoon Un, Deux, Trois - Luca Kaneshiro Cover ----------------------------------------

Before you can properly process his words, Luca gently grabs you by the waist and sways you along with the music, taking the lead between you two. You let his fingers entwine with yours, and his hand fitted perfectly, letting your bodies become one. Under the dim lights in the ballroom, his features radiated perfectly, capturing the essence of the mafia boss before you. He also starts to sing along with the instrumental playing in the background in a foreign language you've never heard him speak before.

You may not understand most of the words he's singing, but you felt addicted to his voice like he was casting you under a deep spell you cannot ever break free from. It felt like a fairytale as he pulls you in twists and turns, also letting you have your way in the waltz of love. Every step you both took, you both were in sync with the song he's singing.

Never in your dreams he would act genuinely romantic towards you. This was the side of Luca you thought you would never witness, and here you are dancing with your husband in this empty ballroom. The moonlight illuminates the golden hues of the marble tiles beneath you two which makes it the perfect night for lovers exactly like you and Luca.

As he finishes up his song, he romantically dips you, and then pulls you back up. You wished it lasted longer, but you redirected your attention to Luca once more when you felt his fingers caress your hair to the side of your face.

"Y/n, I just want to apologize for last night. I'm sorry for being a jerk and not considering your feelings. I should have let you know that I took dangerous missions like these in the mafia. Could you forgive me?"

He says as he looks at you directly with tears in his eyes that are threatening to spill in a moment. With a sigh, you managed to forgive him.

"Alright, I forgive you, Luca. If you're hurt, please let me tend to your wounds after your mission, is that clear?

"Yes, I promise, Y/n..."

You both laugh while basking in each other's presence. It didn't take long before your laughter became silence... and silence became awkwardness. You knew you had to do something, so after debating with yourself, you decided to break the silence between you two.

"T-thank you for the lovely dance this evening. I still don't get why you hosted a party without any special occasion."

Up until now, you still don't know what the celebration was all about, to which Luca only replied with a smile on his face.

"It's our first wedding anniversary, Y/n. I thought I could celebrate it with you."

Hearing Luca's response made you so embarrassed and flushed that you forgot it has been one year ever since you married Luca. Now it was your turn to apologize to him.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry, Luca. I didn't know it was today. I have completely forgot about it, I-"

Your husband just chuckled and placed a finger on your lips, shushing you and stopping you from rambling such nonsense.

"It's alright. I know you don't see our marriage in a romantic sense but I wanted to tell you that I love you. I'm glad that I have you as my lovely wife."

He then proceeds to cup your face with his hand and pulls you by the waist with his other arm as he plants a chaste kiss on your lips. When you two pulled away, you ended up confessing how much you love him as well.

"I love you too, Luca. I'm also glad that I married you. You will always have my heart."

At that moment, you felt your hearts have become one. From this day forward, the marriage you have with Luca has gotten stronger from just business to pure and unadulterated love. Feeling so many positive emotions all at once, you just held him close to you just savoring this moment.

"Shall we dance the night away one more time, my lady?"

"Yes, Luca, we shall."

The grand clock chimed once more, telling you both it has struck midnight, but you just stayed there with the prince of your dreams without a care in the world and living the fairytale you truly deserve.

________________________________________

A/n: Thank you so much for reading this fanfic, and yes, I do Luxiem fanfics and possibly other Nijisanji members. I'm trying to explore and write more characters. If you liked this one, I might probably write more in the future, but it might take a while since I'm busy with school and other things. If you wish to chat me and give me some ideas for future fanfics like this, I would gladly accept them. See you in the next fanfic! ^^ - Rosie Zia

#luca kaneshiro x reader #luca kaneshiro fluff #nijisanji en #luxiem x reader #luxiem fluff #nijisanji fluff

[audrinawf]

friendly reminder that if you want to change anything in your life, the process has to be more pleasurable than painful.

I’m so over the hyper capitalistic girl boss grind til u die mindset. This applies to literally anything in life.

The first time I noticed this was in the fitness industry. I got really into working out 5-6 times a week and I realized that not only was it not sustainable and so bad for my health but the people promoting that lifestyle, like fitness influencers were themselves dealing with 583743 health issues. Our body is always telling us these things. The reason we shouldn’t overwork is cause it’s going to put you back year in the long run.

all of your desires and goals need to give you more energy than take away. that’s the key that’s how u know that they are the right desires for you. when you meet the love of ur life you’re supposed to be so overjoyed that you feel like you don’t need to eat or sleep. It’s the same way for any other goal you have. if you’re studying and it gets really stressful and overwhelming you have to feel that the material you are learning is feeding your soul and your higher purpose. aka you actually have to enjoy the content you’re learning.

We forgot how to have fun. We are told every day through various movies, tv series, news papers and other types of programming that life is hard and miserable so we think that if we want something we need to work to the death to get it and that is one way to get all ur desires, sure BUT would you rather not get everything you want while having fun?

you can manifest and achieve your goals the painful and difficult way or you can chose to have fun cause that’s what we were created to do!

#master manifestor #affirmyourreality #affirm and persist #manifestation #self development #law of attraction #law of assumption #neville goddard #conciousness #quantum jumping

[avatar-anna]

Please, could you write a angst in which a reader ends up hearing Harry's friends infuence him to cheat on y/n with some model? But in the end the relationship is fine again :)

i miss the professor!yn x harry, so that's what we’re doing!

The Professor Series

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You were reeling, never a good thing for you. When you freaked out, you spiraled deep into your thoughts, and it was often hard to pull you out once you couldn’t stop thinking.

Shaking hands, eyes brimming with tears, a numb sort of feeling. You needed something familiar to comfort you. You needed your favorite novels and text books, you needed Faye and the Emperor. You needed Harry.

But Harry wasn’t an option right now. He was off laughing with his friends, listening to them as they told him about all the models he could’ve been dating.

“She’s not good for your image, H. You’d be better off dating someone more suited to your lifestyle,” one of the half-wits told Harry. It was one of his managers. He actually said that.

“I’m in a relationship, Steve,” you heard Harry say.

“We can work that angle. Cheating scandal, love triangle, or even—”

You left before you could hear the rest.

They didn’t know you’d overheard them, of course they didn’t, but you had, and the way no one said a single thing to defend you.

You knew that you were awkward, a little antisocial, hard to talk to, and not like anyone Harry had dated previously, but you didn’t think Harry’s managers—and some of his closest friends—felt so strongly about his relationship with you. Or rather, felt so strongly about you.

Before you could hear anymore, you quietly left the kitchen where they were all gathered around. Harry wanted to have a small dinner party in London, and you’d actually been excited to get to know everyone better, but now you just felt stupid, a very unfamiliar feeling. Harry was one of the few people who understood you, who liked you. Sure your students did, but that was different. Harry was one of the first people who actually tried to understand you and didn’t try to change who you were, but that didn’t mean his friends would be the same.

Walking up the stairs as fast as you could, you locked yourself in Harry’s room, going straight for his bookshelf. He kept some for you whenever you left Cambridge to see him, and while the collection wasn’t extensive, it would work for now.

The cats were there too, but they were sleeping soundly on Harry’s bed, and you didn’t want to wake them. The Emperor could be especially cranky if he was woken up from a nap.

But despite your best efforts, nothing worked. You were restless, needing to read more and more so you could fill your mind. You couldn’t forget what was said about you, your brain literally wouldn’t let you, but you could overwhelm it.

You moved on from reading books to reading the backs of records, labels on shampoo bottles, crumpled up receipts, a stray newspaper, the warning on a bottle of moisturizer.

None of it worked, the words of that manager playing in your head over and over again. It made your heart race and tears spill down your cheeks.

She’s not good for your image, H. You’d be better off dating someone more suited to your lifestyle.

And then he actually suggested Harry cheat on you!

They were right, of course. If you looked at it objectively, nothing that person said was incorrect. Statistically, Harry probably would be better off dating someone that was more like him.

“Phone. I should use my phone,” you muttered, pulling the device out of your pants pocket and quickly unlocking it.

The Internet was like your personal ADHD medication. Your eyes were glued to the screen as your thumb scrolled and typed periodically. Names, dates, and statistics flooded your senses, and your brain soaked up every letter and number like a sponge, swelling and swelling until it was completely saturated.

Overwhelming yourself with information was the goal, but now that you’d done it, you hated the feeling.

You kind of just sat there, surrounded by the mess you’d made of Harry’s room. Your brain was short circuiting now, eyes staring blankly at Harry’s dresser, framed pictures nearly sat on top of it.

“Oh love.”

You heard Harry, but focusing was now difficult. You stayed put in the middle of the room, vaguely aware of Harry picking his way through the mess towards you. When he tried to pull you into his lap, though, you shook your head and inched away from him.

“No? Okay, I understand,” he said. “I have a feeling you heard certain...things that were said tonight, and I just wanted to say I’m sorry. Steve had absolutely no right to—”

“He was right, though,” you said, sniffling. “I—I did some math, and st—statistically you would have more—”

“Y/n, my love,” Harry said, gentle yet stern enough to make you look at him. “Did you ever stop to consider that maybe I don’t want to be with anyone else? What do your statistics say about that?”

The question immediately had you thinking. “Well, it would be tricky because I would have to quantify your affection, then—”

“That was meant to be a rhetorical question,” he interrupted, a small smile on his face. “I love you. I want to be with you. And I don’t need to date someone to be popular or increase sales or whatever the hell that guy was talking about. You know that I love you, darling. Why did you doubt that?”

Hearing him sound hurt by how quickly you were willing to believe the words of someone you didn’t know made you more upset. You never meant to hurt Harry’s feelings, and it wasn’t really about you doubting him, either.

“I don’t, b—but...”

“What is it, my love? You can tell me anything.”

“Do your friends really think of me that way?”

Because that was what hurt the most. Deep down, you knew that Harry was happy with you, that things between you were good, better than good, even. He’d had fake relationships in the past, as you very well knew, but he reassured you that those days were over.

But you’d never really interacted with Harry’s managers before. You didn’t know how they felt about their client being in an actual, committed relationship, and with someone who wasn’t as famous as him. This was the first time you’d properly met these people. They were nice to you when you were introduced, but obviously that was all a lie.

“Can I hold you now?” Harry asked. He didn’t always have to ask, but sometimes when you were upset or overwhelmed or both you preferred no contact.

Nodding, you said, “Yes. That would be fine.”

Harry immediately had his hands around your hips so he could pull you into his lap. Despite not wanting him to touch you before, you immediately relaxed against him.

He didn’t try to kiss you, or do anything but hold you, really, which was exactly what you needed.

It occurred to you then that perhaps what you needed wasn’t what Harry needed. A lot of times, he was the one caressing you, holding you, comforting you. If you thought about it, what that manager said would’ve hurt his feelings too, and all you could think about was yourself. How could you be so selfish?

“I’m sorry,” you said quietly, twisting the rings on his fingers around.

“For what, darling? You haven’t done anything.”

“That’s my point,” you said. “The words that that manager said. They were hurtful to you too, and I haven’t even asked how you were feeling.”

“You’re not selfish, despite what you might be thinking,” Harry said. He leaned forward so he could look at you, eyebrows raised. “That’s what you were thinking, right?”

You nodded, not meeting his eyes.

“You are the most selfless person I know, Y/n. Being upset or getting caught up in your own feelings doesn’t change that.

“And to answer all your questions and ease your doubts,” he continued when you said nothing in reply. “Those people are not my friends. If they don’t respect our relationship, if they don’t respect you, then they can’t work for me, and I made that very clear tonight.”

“You did?” you asked. You’d left before you heard what Harry said, too afraid to hear any more from the other managers. You didn’t need more of their words burned in your brain forever.

“Yes, my love. Might’ve thrown a punch or two as well.”

“You what?”

The hand you were playing with didn’t seem cut up or bruised, nor did his face show any evidence of retaliation. But you knew Harry could throw a punch with both hands, so you immediately picked up the other one, and sure enough, there were cuts on his knuckles.

You stood up and immediately went into the bathroom to find things to clean him up. It wasn’t a lot, but you hated violence of any kind, and he knew that.

“Why would you do that?”

“You came up here and flooded your brain with information until your head was spinning, I got angry and threw a punch. We react differently to things that hurt us.”

You were still rummaging through cabinets and drawers, looking for something to clean the cuts with. But when Harry answered, he sounded much closer.

Looking up, you saw that he was leaning against the door that connected his bedroom to the bathroom, watching you go through his things.

“You’re not a violent person, Harry.”

And he wasn’t. He rarely got angry, but even when he did, he never physically hurt anyone before. You were technically a genius, but you didn’t have to be one to know that what you heard probably wasn’t the worst thing out of everything said, which was probably what set your boyfriend off.

He remained quiet as you set everything you needed on the bathroom counter. There was some hissing and wincing when you dabbed his cuts with cleanser, but other than that, he was silent, letting you focus on your work.

You weren’t condoning what he did, but having a task to focus on was helpful at the moment. The numbness washed away the longer you dabbed antiseptic onto his knuckles and gently wrapped them up. Your mind now had a singular thing to latch onto and focus on, and for that you were grateful.

“He could press charges, you know,” you said quietly, not stopping to look up at him.

“I know ,” Harry sighed. “You wouldn’t happen to have a law degree under all those PhDs, would you?”

“This isn’t funny,” you said, but when you met his eyes, it was hard to fight your smile. “And maybe."

“Maybe?”

You shrugged. “You just have to pass the bar.”

“‘Just have to pass the bar,’ she says,” Harry said playfully. “You never cease to amaze me.”

Your smile grew. “You’re quite remarkable too, you know.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

Harry helped you clean up the bathroom, and his bedroom once you went back into it. Looking at it now, you cringed at the mess you made and quietly apologized to Harry.

He didn’t mind, just started putting everything away. Faye Winter and the Emperor we're now awake and watched from their spot on Harry’s bed, their big eyes blinking slowly as you put everything away.

The longer you and Harry put everything back in its place, the more you were able to calm down, feel less crazy. You were tired all of a sudden, and as Harry slipped out of the clothes he’d picked out for tonight, you went up to him.

“I love you,” you said, pecking his chest softly.

Harry took your face in his hands, the ever-familiar look of fondness on his face. “I love you too. Nothing will ever change that. You know that, don’t you?”

You opened your mouth to respond, but he spoke again before you got the chance.

“And no statistics or probabilities. No more math in our relationship.”

It was a hard thing to accept when you had proof that no one could be as certain as Harry claimed to be, but you supposed that was a part of life. You loved Harry right now, and you wanted to love Harry for as long as you were able, and you knew he felt the same.

“Okay,” you said. “And those managers?”

“They no longer work for me.”

You thought that was the end of that, it sure felt that way. Harry got into bed while you changed into your pajamas, which was really just the Cambridge University t-shirt you bought for Harry a while back.

He was reading a book while petting Faye Winter, who made herself comfortable on his stomach, as you slid into bed next to him. You still kept up the tradition of sharing books, but now you got to watch Harry as he read. It was something so simple, but you loved it. He just looked so cute with his reading glasses and what you dubbed his “concentration face.”

Time passed, and eventually Harry put his book away, ready to go to sleep. He usually started out on his side of the bed, but somehow in the middle of the night he ended up on top of you, or with one of the cats nestled comfortably in his hair. That was one of the sweetest things you’d ever seen, and the memory now lives forever on your phone’s lock screen.

“I never want anyone to make you feel like you don’t belong here with me, or that your intelligence is a bad thing. It’s a gift, Y/n, and no one should make you feel like it’s not, okay?”

It was kind of out of the blue now that you’d sort of moved on, but you could tell by the tone of Harry’s voice that he needed to say it, needed you to hear it. He was one of the only people who knew how poorly you were treated in the past, so he knew how much hearing that would mean to you.

“Okay,” you said. You kissed him then, your fingers lightly dancing over the planes of his face. You needed him, but you knew he needed you too. “Thank you for sticking up for me.”

“Of course. Loving you’s the easiest job in the world, and I never want you to feel like I, or the people around me don’t love and respect you.”

Harry fell asleep on your chest that night. What happened earlier clearly affected both of you, and under the cover of night, Harry felt truly vulnerable. He liked to be strong and protect you because you did have a delicate heart. But he was a gentle soul too, and sometimes he just needed to be held.

Finding the words to express how you felt about Harry wasn’t always easy for you. You weren’t as expressive with words as he was. So you showed him through actions and touches, like holding him and massaging his scalp as you ran your fingers through his hair.

You decided that that manager had no idea what he was talking about. There was no one more suited for each other like you and Harry, and anyone who couldn’t see that was either blind or an idiot. And that was a fact.

#harry styles #harry styles x professor yn #harry styles blurb #harry styles x reader #harry styles imagine #harry styles fanfic #harry styles oneshot #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles x you #harry styles fluff #harry styles writing #harry styles angst

[granulesofsand]

Hello

We have been wondering, how does one look into RAMCOA and programming safely? We hear a lot about making sure you are careful when doing this, and having safety nets in place, but we are not quite sure what that looks like. Would you be willing to give some examples of how that would play out, with one having or putting safety measures in place? Or what kinds of things would be considered a safety net? I hope this makes sense

Safety Nets

I’m sorry if this is aggressive, it has nothing to do with you or your questions, just my general attitude.

🗝️🏷️ RAMCOA, programs, sui/sh

One of the strongest indicators of whether a event will be (re)traumatizing is connection. It has to do with feeling recognized and being able to process what happened. Dissociated memories intrude because they haven’t been processed.

Having supportive people means getting the attunement we need to avoid shame and confront the overwhelm.

Supportive people can be therapists, counselors, or consenting friends. You need to build trust before disclosure feels okay, but you will have to disclose some things. One person can’t handle everything, a network with people can.

Survivors of RAMCOA are likely to be destabilized be consuming information. Programmed survivors may deal with suicide and self-harm, reporting back to abusers, or the emergence of unknown alters. All of this is backed by trauma, and moving through it requires either processing or putting away.

When you need someone to keep your knives away from you, or prevent you from driving back to your hometown, or sit with you through some flashbacks and big emotions, you have to be able to communicate what’s happening and how to help.

Other non-people tools are comfort items or grounding exercises. Brains reallocate resources when they sense danger, so thinking logically becomes harder. Having bins of safe objects or a notebook with safe contacts and worksheets is easier than having to figure that out in the moment.

You might have techniques you know are helpful, but sometimes even trying those is too much. Practice makes for better recall once you’re in survival mode. In systems, every member might have to go through that process of finding useful information and doing it enough to make it automatic.

Other things might be more practical, like money saved up for bad times or easy meals when you can’t get out of bed.

Our Example

When we had our first undeniable memories, we had a therapist who would listen. They acknowledged that they didn’t know how to tend to us, so they referred us to another therapist who specialized in what we needed.

We had a school counselor who was not great, but kept us from having to us up therapy time for academic concerns. At our next meeting for accommodations, we added some things to let us turn in work later and walk out of class when we had to. Those transferred easier when we started college.

We had been hospitalized before for suicide attempts, so we already had a set locked place for dangerous materials.

It still hit hard. Hits hard, you’re only done once you’ve healed everything. We have a meal plan with our dorm, so on days we can go out we bring food back and refrigerate it. We have a friend who we talk to regularly, and we’re learning how to make more.

When you have supports together, the devastation is less final. You can get back up, make some progress with old trauma, keep going with daily life. Sometimes you have to make some lifestyle changes.

Decisions

It’s a can of worms hardly anyone is ready to open. You look into it because you need resources, and you only find out if there are consequences after the fact. Having preparation keeps you alive. I don’t know if anything keeps you stable.

It’s a matter of risk vs reward, because if you do have that history it doesn’t disappear by burying it. You have the opportunity to decide how to pad that landing, but you’re still flying blind.

Idk how to make this softer. It does get better, apparently. There are people who did this before we were ever hurt, and some of them healed with next to nothing. It’s possible, you just have to do your best to keep moving once you’ve begun.

Good luck if you choose this. Prepare anyway, you might not have the choice.

#ramcoa #tw ramcoa #did osdd #dissociative identity disorder #traumagenic system #osddid #did system

[iiratix]

I’m just wondering is it okay if i request this like can you do a one shot inspired by the song The other woman by Lana Del Rey but the mc/s/o is the other woman

And any character you want to choose in twisted wonderland

It’s ok if you don’t want to do this and sorry if you can’t really understand this English isn’t my first language and it’s isn’t really my strong point

Replacement

Where there's a new exchange student that replaced the Ramshackle student

Stunning, enthralling, captivating, and enchanting.

That's the only way to define the youthful Y/n L/n. Her beauty knew no bounds; it approached and transcended heaven itself. It seemed as though every speck of beauty had been bestowed on her and her alone. She was attractive enough to attract the attention of others. She was born to be the center of attention. She was destined to have everything in the palms of her hands.

So, in what ways can Yuu compete with her? They, unlike her, are inept pupils who cannot wield a single magical power. They are someone who is well-liked and simple to manipulate. Yuu is someone who easily falls into pleasant deception with an empty promise—an endless lifestyle filled with nothing but deceptive gestures.

Y/n was more essential compared to everything else. She had complete influence over every person in this place. With the flick of a finger, she could make thousands of people become infatuated with her ethereal beauty. It was dangerous, clever, and wicked of her. It was very unfair towards Yuu, who had fought hard to earn a position in this world.

Wrong. Oh, how completely incorrect they were.

Yuu has no idea when everything changed. They had no idea when the Ace had abandoned them in favor of her. It was terrible and depressing to witness their their supposed to be lover cling to someone else. It sparked sentiments of jealousy and insecurity within them. Of course, they recognize their shortcomings in comparison to her, but surely it can't be that horrible, right?

“Good puppy! You succeeded in creating a superb mid-grade potion." Yuu casts a peek in her direction, where she smiles warmly at Crewel. Receiving compliments from one of the harsh professors was difficult. They were aware that it required a complete concentration on a single mid-grade potion. "It's nothing, Mr. Crewel. I was able to brew such a potion thanks to your teachings."

Yuu bit their bottom lip, glancing down at the concoction they'd brewed. It was nothing out of the ordinary for her. "Man, being in the same group as Y/n must have been wonderful." When they heard this, the prefect frowned. They shifted their eyes to Ace, who seemed astounded by her stunning looks.

It wasn't necessary to inform Yuu. They are aware of their flaws, which are the things they have worked so hard to conceal. It made them over think through every possibility. Whether at this point, they're a great partner to have around in alchemy class or not. Whether they're compatible with the new transfer student. Whether somewhere in this society—they still had a place where they truly belonged. 

Yuu was overwhelmed. Everything that's occurring and every single second that revolts against them all. It didn't help their condition that they had been fixing all of the problems at this college. All of that goodwill, though, might have been wiped away in an instant with just one transfer student. They are now back in ostracized land.

A land where their worth may not be recognized. Where neither of them would turn back to face them. They will pretend to be unaware of the call for assistance or their own guidance. Should Yuu live in such a world? They barely understood the concept of magic, so taking away a sociable friend would be far viler than anyone could have imagined.

Yuu wondered where all of that transient joy had gone. The days of all of their friends conversing, playing, or just seeking their assistance are long gone. It was terrible, empty, and lonely. The stars that had adorned the black sky had floated away to a far more enthralling cosmos, leaving behind their moon that had screamed out in agony.

They had no idea that the point of view had shifted. Where the wariness and antagonism transform into a ferocious loathing for the girl. A foul, horrible, and violent set of emotions engulfed their journey — their bliss.

It was unwarranted, even unfair. They had worked hard for it, and the foundation upon which they had relied shattered right in front of them. They have been replaced by a new monarch, who has replaced those sad memories with a great delight that she has disseminated. A happiness that many wanted in this place; whether it was acceptance, comfort, or anything else, she was there to provide it.

Alas, what about them? What about them that had offered it all at once to those ungrateful bastards all at once? The price they had to pay for being polite and helpful has completely stabbed them in the back. It had cloaked their long-standing compassion in resentment and venom. It contaminated their hearts with something Yuu themselves could not recognize.

A tray was placed in front of them, jolting them out of their stupor. Yuu looked up to see the transfer student, who was eating a lemon lollipop and smiling at them. "You must have been Yuu, right?  I never got the opportunity to properly greet you." That's true. They were far too preoccupied with avoiding her, which caused others to question their actions.

"You know, being here at the beginning... Is extremely bothersome." She acknowledged it with a warm grin, sitting across from them and removing their lemon-flavored sweets. "Because I felt like an alien species that had infiltrated Earth, attracting the attention of scientists, you know?"

Yuu moved their eyes over the table till it was pulled to the line where the two Adeuce duo were now trapped, with Grim by their side. "And I genuinely admire you." When they heard that, they trembled and looked towards the Y/n direction. She smiled with her eyes squinted as she leaned her chin on the top of her palm.

That was a risky action, and Yuu was confident that the hierarchies all over this place had altered. As the rumor had it, despite her developed and chilly exterior, she's quite a kind-hearted charmer, and people might let down their defenses around her. Her natural appearance was even more powerful than Jamil's dreadful, unique magic that lay with the help of a magic power.

It is said that Yuu was wary of her. They contemplate the consequences of their ill-mannered intentions. What sort of ploy or schemes have they created before entering this place? What exactly does Y/n seek in this place instead of a studious relationship between two schools? There's no way they would've sent someone that could've been an important assessment to the school to a villainous school. 

 "N/n~!" Yuu nervously turned to face the source of the sound, watching Cater enthusiastically wave his hand about, with Riddle and Trey sitting right beside him. There was an empty place between them, indicating that they had intended to invite her over for lunch. And they weren't so blind as to overlook it.

Such a joyous personality, one that elevates others' emotions and makes them grin. It was pointless to try to get rid of her at this point. Y/n had made a tangle of ties with the individuals they had admired. There will be no unnecessary commotion because a mediator has arrived.

“I’ll talk to you later, Yuu! Oh, and tell Ace I'll meet him after school!!”

These two are diametrically opposed. She, who understands the world — such as the trend, the lesson, and all the wisdom that they could never comprehend. In comparison, they did little more than provide a momentary moment of consolation. It all collapses and vanishes just in front of their eyes. And all that is left is a sense of disdain, sorrow, and torment.

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland oneshot #twisted wonderland x reader #twst #twst x reader #twst headcanons #twst heartslabyul #ace trappola #twst ace #ace x reader #yuu #twst yuu #yuu x reader #deuce spade #twst deuce #cater diamond #twst cater #trey clover #twst trey #riddle rosehearts #twst riddle #heartslabyul #heartslaybul x reader #female reader #𝙸𝚒𝚛𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚡™

[basils-pot]

Perks of Friendship

Another self indulgent fic, motivated by monster energy and the fact college starts back up this week. (i know the image is the snake planet but its space and its pretty)

❁Prompt(s)❁ - “I’m on my way, don’t move.”, Holding onto them/them holding you through a crowd, “...Please stop looking at me like that.”/“Like what?”.

⚠︎Warnings⚠︎ - Minor warning for implied alcohol/generally not being sober

⇨Content⇦ - Angst(if you squint), Fluff(for mentally ill people) (gender neutral)(no pronouns)(no physical description of reader)

You weren't built for it. Not that it was a big deal, after all who was built for it, the lifestyle of space travel. Especially the kind of experience you get when you're traveling space with Rick. But you could adapt. You have and would continue to adapt so that you didn't have to let the best years of your life come to an end. Being friends with Rick, if you could call it friendship, was an adventure that you weren't going to bail on anytime soon.

However, that didn't mean you couldn't use a break. Which is why you're in an alien club, by yourself, in a not so hard to find corner of the universe. Not that you regret coming, but this wasn't the change of pace most people would look for in a vacation. The never ending party that had been your last few earth days, only interrupted by occasional naps in undisturbed corner booths of the club, was all to reminiscent of your time spent with Rick. The constant noise, action, and periodic failing of your body, that is.

As you looked down as your drink, examining the melted ombré of the varying liquids in the glass, you couldn't help but feel like maybe you were being unfair. You couldn't boil down your time with Rick like that. It was more. It would be ignorant to describe it as only ever action and noise. You could recall countless trips in his ship, seeing the universe and all the sights it had to give. Seeing the space outside and seeing it's merits reflected back at you when you looked at Rick, and all the time spent in alien arcades, foreign festivals, and clubs like this one with him. Looking around at the place, between the dance floors and the bars, you felt an overwhelming urge to go home, or well, wherever Rick was.

You stood up, which was no easy feat, and excused yourself from the table where you'd been buried in conversation with strangers. Intending to make it out the door, you began to try and force your way through the dance floor, being pushed and pulled, only to find yourself on the outside of the crowd again, with no progress forward. You were pretty sure there was a seat behind you, which you were thankful for as your legs gave up and you fell back. Landing in the seat which happened to be at an empty table, your head fell forward and into your arms on the table top. After a moment, you leaned over to the side to loosen one of your arms, and patted your pocket to find your phone. Space phone? Whatever, all you knew is that Rick had made it capable of use all over the universe, despite you never actually needing to call him before. The thought of which now made you hesitant. Rick had countless walls put up and if you called you couldn't help but wonder if you'd be crossing a boundary. You didn't have time to figure it out before you were calling and the phone was ringing in your ear. It was three rings before someone picked up,

"R-Rick someone called your ph-"

"What the fuck Morty, don't answer my fucking calls, do you know the countless things you could've just roped me into?"

"Jesus Rick, s-sue me for helping."

Morty's voice got quieter and you could hear the phone being handed over. Rick answered with his usual level of courtesy which was oddly relaxing to you at the moment,

"What do you want?"

"Hey um..."

The music of the club was all to noticeably blaring now and you couldn't hear your own thoughts.

"...Sorry for calling, but do you think you could do me a solid?"

It was a moment before he responded,

"Where are you?"

You laughed a little out loud,

"Three days deep into my bender at that club we went to once after a fiber trade with those Gazorpazorp ladies......can you just, just come get me maybe?"

You felt odd asking and you could feel the acidy shame crawling up your throat. Rick replied,

"What am I, your glorified uber?...

...

...Are you outside?"

You smiled,

"N-no I'm inside. I tried to get out but I couldn't make it through the crowd."

He groaned in response,

"Really making this convenient aren't you. Stay where you are, I'll be there in a minute."

The shuffling of his coat and the squeak of a chair were heard before he ended the call. And with that, you passed out face down on the table.

.........

You came to after feeling someone flick your forehead. Lifting your head and raising your hand to sooth the small pain, you turned to see the offender but smiled widely when you saw Rick.

"Took you long enough, huh?"

He glared lightly,

"Like you would know, passed out like a true drunk."

He grinned at the obvious irony of his own joke. You laughed and grabbed onto his coat sleeve while you slid off the chair onto your feet. None of your body was to terribly happy with you right now, and your face fell into one of dread looking at the crowd you were about to try and navigate for the second time.

Not even a moment later, Rick disappeared from your peripherals and you felt a pair of hands settle on your waist. Your head fell back against someone's chest and you looked up to see Rick, who was looking towards one of the club entrances. Your hips moved in front of you and your back fell against his chest as he guided you forward. You looked down and found yourself not sober enough to ignore the warm tingle that started from under his hands and moved to your brain. By the time you looked back up you were at the door and re-entering the outside world for the first time in days. You froze at the sudden change in environment and Rick moved to your side but kept a hand on you, now at your hip. Within a minute you were at his ship and put out a hand against it to steady yourself as you did your best not to fall into the passengers side. You felt a little pathetic like this and curled yourself up sideways in the seat, so your body was facing the drivers side but you were still looking out the front of the ship. You felt the shake of the car and heard Rick open his door and get in. Before your brain could catch up, you were already out of the planets atmosphere and on the way back to Earth. Your eyes were open but you couldn't focus on any single given point. Any star or planet in the reach of your vision melted past you.

It was beautiful. You were thankful for this. For being one of the people able to see the universe from this angle and now that you thought about it, thankful that Rick came to get you. Returning your attention to Rick, you turned you head to align with your body, facing him. He was relatively relaxed, scooched ever so slightly forward in his seat, one hand on the wheel. He sighed and his head relaxed against his seat. You watched the lights of the universe float past in the reflection of his eyes. In that moment, you wondered if you'd really taken a break from Rick, or if you only meant to take a break from the adventures. No part of this, right now, exhausted you. He didn't take anything from you. If anything, his presence fed you. Soothed the low ache in your bones and made you just a bit less tired. Even inspecting the way his hair fell made your eyes sting less than they had. He took a deep breath through his nose and sighed, turning his head towards you.

"Stop looking at me like that."

Your face fell into confusion as you continued to take a visual tour of his features, leaning the side of your head against your seat.

"Like what?"

"Like you're developing a terrible habit."

"And what habit would that be?"

He turn his head back to face forward before replying,

"Thinking we're friends."

You stopped your exploration of his facial features and look at his eyes again. You let out a small sigh through your nose. Rick always did this. You didn't hold it against him but it didn't make it less strange to you. If you weren't friends, what were you? Because it didn't take an intergalactic genius to see you were something. You extended your arm out and rested your hand on the center console, open and asking. You found your voice after a moment,

"I don't care if we're friends, Rick. I just care that we are."

He didn't say anything, nor did he take your hand. You did your best not to take it personally and curled up a bit more into the seat. You closed your eyes and listened to the humming of the ship as if it was music.

Ten seconds later, he moved his hand into yours, intertwining his fingers, and you did the same.

You didn't open your eyes. You didn't want anything to take away from memorizing this feeling. You didn't care when you got back to Earth.

Right now, you had home in the palm of your hand.

AN: lollll this is so sappy but it feeds my soul, kicking my feet in the air n' everythinggggg. ty 4 reading! -xo Basil

#fanfic #x reader #rick x reader #rick sanchez #rick and morty #happy ending #slight angst #gender neutral fanfic #no pronouns #twirling my hair #kicking my feet

[jacksparrowfanpage]

"It looks better on you."

Requested by @Anonymous (If this isn’t what you imagined, I am happy to rewrite it!) 

Prompt #: 8

#: "Are you wearing my shirt?"

(This will take place when Norrington is aboard the Black Pearl, hence that Norrington is on Jack’s side.) 

Norrington sat on the steps that led to the helm of the ship, looking out at the waves. He had joined under Jack Sparrow’s command about three months ago, and hasn’t regretted it yet. The freedom he had now was something he wouldn’t ever give away. He didn’t feel the pressure from commanding officers, and knew if he even messed up in the slightest he wouldn’t be sent to the gallows. 

He even found love on the Pearl. Someone that he had least expected in his life.

Captain Jack Sparrow. 

Taking a deep breath, he stood up. James finally lost the tacky white wig and hat, and was just him. That was a while ago though. The sun finally started to peak out from the horizon. The sunset was something that James did enjoy watching, it was something peaceful in his drama filled life. But he wouldn’t change it for anything. 

He felt another presence creep up behind him, and he already knew who it was. A rough hand settled on the commodore's shoulder, “It’s rather early, luv.” Sleepiness overwhelmed the Captain’s tone of voice, which startled James a tad bit. 

“I know.” James said, looking slightly down at the other. Jack sighed, sitting down on the hard floor of the ship, leaning against the rail. Since it was so early in the morning, all of the rest of the crew was either asleep or doing something else. 

Gazing at the Captain for a moment, James finally noticed that Jack was wearing James’ old leather coat. For Jack being a person that radiated heat, he was always cold for some reason or another. Even on the hottest days of the year. James chuckled lightly, sitting down next to his lover. “I believe you should wear my clothing more often, Captain Jack Sparrow.” 

“Wait.. this isn’t my own?” Jack looked down, a confused look on the pirates’ face. “No, It is not.” James said, a content smile on his face. “I think, I’m not going to be changing out of this coat of yours. I rather like it.” Jack said, leaning his head against the commodore’s shoulder. 

“I rather like it on you than me, didn’t know something could ever look so good.” Jack and James usually spent the morning times together, but it usually wasn’t up on deck. There were a few crew members watching them from a far corner, a wide smile on all of their faces. It was different seeing their thrilling and daring Captain, with his guard down. Jack always had his guard up, as the lifestyle he led was dangerous and you never knew what was going to happen next. 

James and Jack watched the sunset come up, bathing in each other's affection. Jack was definitely going to start making it a regular thing, stealing his lovers coats and shirts. James liked to see it also.

#pirates of the caribbean #james norrington #jack sparrow #captain jack sparrow #commodore norrington #fluff #tooth rotting fluff #oneshot #potc #sparrington #james norrington x jack sparrow

[moonprisimbankai111]

Ways to cope with sudden change…as someone who has seen a lot of it🩷

Hey guys, life has been so crazy lately. It just feels like every day. I’m waking up to something new, which isn’t inherently a bad thing, but can be overwhelming especially when you’ve been used to one lifestyle for so long. I’ve dealt with pretty much all of it in under a year moving into a new house most of my friends/family getting married, and having to lose a lot of my old self. It has not been an easy road, but I’m learning I had to get the hang of it so I hope this column can help anyone who’s going through the same thing.

And before we start, I don’t know exactly what’s happening to you right now, but what I do know is that you’re not alone we’re all in the same boat headed different places, so I hope this helps.

1. Acceptance and adjustment. We’ve got to be accepting of what’s going on first. We cannot change what has happened. But what we can control is what we’re giving our time and our energy to.  I know that this advice feels like me telling you to just wave the flag and give in. But if you allow yourself to come to terms with how things are in this season it’s going to really help you along the way.

2. There is always something positive in all of this. rather than focusing on the 99 bad things of a situation focus on the one good, and eventually more good stuff will happen. Sure moving away can suck. Leaving behind your friends and perhaps your family isn’t easy.  getting used to a new place and a new town can be really hard.  but instead of focusing on that focus on how much fun it’s going to be to decorate your new place and make it yours.  focus on how fun it’s going to be to meet new people.  you’re going to get to discover some really cool spots you can take your friends to whenever they come to visit!

3.  this sad feeling is temporary and won’t be forever.

4. Everything happens for a reason and you are being guided to take the steps you’re meant to take in order to live the happiest life ever.

5. Know that good things are coming out of whatever’s happened, but especially know this on the days where it doesn’t feel that way. 

6. Open your heart to new relationships entering your life.  being a girl and having been someone who has worked a lot on her feminine energy over the years. I’m noticing that there seems to be more options headed my way.  however, this is actually kind of scary for me as I’ve only been used to being single for three years however, I’m slowly learning that it’s OK to let your heart stay open to new opportunities. However, be mindful of the people you’re allowing yourself to talk to you and pay attention to the signals they give. Open your heart to new relationships but be protective of it as well

7. Focus on things that bring comfort and a sense of familiarity.  somethings never change, and those things include our favorite books, shows, movies, and songs. What help me most during a very challenging transition was just focusing on the things I could control, and the things I knew could never change

8. You’re on the right path and while it feels like it’s happening to you it’s happening for you something really positive and amazing is going to come out of these challenging experiences only if you believe it’s obtainable. 

9. Focus on the things that you have and allow yourself to express gratitude. This can put you in a much better mood. 

10.  most of all give yourself time you’re doing the best you can be patient and understanding with yourself. Bad days and moments of feeling sad are inevitable. Unfortunately but again be delicate with yourself.  but also hold yourself accountable when you need to. This is not a race, it’s a new path that you need time to adjust to.

#bleach anime #ichigo kurosaki #advice #journal #bleach #bleach meme #astrology #changes #self help

[taegularities]

hiiii, i’m new here so just a warning this is gonna be a long one 🙃 okay so i just wanted to say I FUCKING LOVE YOU RID!!!! I actually cannot stress it enough i have fallen in love with your writing, your art is so beautiful, and you know what makes it all a 100xs more enjoyable? your kind nature, YOU’RE SO KIND <33 i kinda scrolled through your account a bit after reading a few chapts of cmi and you’re the sweetest lil honey the way you take so much time to respond idk it’s so endearing to me mayn i’m in love w u 🙈.. i have fallen into a trap named rid and i fear you’ll never be rid of me (okah ahhh this is embarrassing, unfortunately my jokes don’t reach level kim seokjin butttt oh wells i tried :)

Anyways now that i’ve given you a lot of my attention (😅) let’s give some to cmi eh?! I’m currently on chapt 3? but first off CMI JK!!!!!! i’m sorry but he’s mine forever i adoreeee him. He’s a silly lil man but he knows when to be serious and he cares for her so much 🥺 right from the beginning girl chap 1 i’m telling you he’s her lovr boy from day 1 no one can change my mind.

And mccccc i acc love herrr, she has the vibes where she’s like ‘ugh i hate you🙄’ whilst her insides are totally squealing overwhelmed with butterflies, pls she’s so me in that sense. My lifestyle isn’t in anyway like hers but somehow someway i manage to relate to her she’s such a comfort to me i can’t explain it :( her inner monologue it’s like she just gets me, the over-thinker in us 🤧 so thanks for bringing her character to life :))

Also, i’d say i’m v good at reading characters, predicting stuff here and there but for the life of me Rid, i cannot read jk. he’s impossible. One minute i think oh he knows he’s in love the next i’m like ??? are his thoughts just as jumbled as hers? He’s just so ?:?/?/?/? Either way they break my heart and manage to piece it all back together in one.

and YOUR SMUT???? oh your smut is oh so delicious! like the ‘jk knitting his brows together and aggressively hmm-ing’ kind of delicious. YES. YES. YES. however.. i’m hoping for dom mc to come out. she was teased the teeniest tiniest bit in chap 3? and now i’m just a tad curious.

Also them talking about percy jackson and me currently reading percy jackson 🤭

AND all the star talk has me WEAK. i LOVE STARS, i love the sky, they’re such romantics, he’s such a romantic, a dreamer, he’s perfect god i’m such a sap

also really random but we have the same mbti Rid :) and then i got curious about who’s your bias bcs i have this thing where i believe you bias who reflects your personality most and we literally have the same biases and bias wrecker 😭taegikook will be the death of me 🙄😩

(okay so bcs i’m anon i stil want you to remember who it is everytime i post feedback so it’s Riaaaa. maybe i’ll add an emoji? 🐈‍⬛? yeah i’ll go with the 🐈‍⬛)

thank you for writing i’m excited to read the rest of the chapters i’ll be back with an update hehe and hopefully a better review and less waffling. love yaaa 🫂

- Ria🐈‍⬛

WELCOME THERE, RIA! please, i love your energy already, it's nice that you weren't too shy to reach out <3 and with a seokjin joke right away? cmon, that's so sweet 😭 i'm so happy you have been enjoying my blog, me AND my stories, like, what more do i want 🥺

YES YES, cmi!jk has my entire heart. i don't think i've ever felt so close to a character i wrote, so he just means a whole lot to me (and hopefully, to cmi readers as well) – he's silly, and he'll get sillier. reading him won't get easier either, and as you'll see, oc is gonna have a hard time doing so, too hahaha buuuut he's adorable and i love him :( same with our overthinking baby, oc :(((

AH YOU LIKE THE SMUT? lmfao i've been having a hard time with it, so it's good go know i'm not entirely failing and you're enjoying it :'D sub jk, yes? we'll see 😌

ahh yes, the star talk. you said you're new here so you're not used to it yet, but i love my stars and the sky (a little too much), so you'll find talk about it every now and then, in most of my fics 😭 honestly, i even tried to lessen that bit in cmi and replace it with flower stuff... there's a lot worse out there in my masterlist :')

your name and the 🐈‍⬛ emoji are so cute, babe !! drop by anytime 🥺 and i'll be waiting patiently hehehe i'm so happy they're comforting to you, and super excited to hear what you think of the rest 👁 enjoy it and welcome again, lovely 💕

#also infp and taegikook biased? fkn high five bby 😭 #much love <33 #notes for rid 🌹 #ria 🐈‍⬛ #fic: colour me in #long ask

[cleaning-has-its-benefits]

So, for a fic that I’m writing I started taking some notes on blackspace and I remembered that on the wiki there were some alternative names listed for each area, taken from the files apparently (which now that I checked again, are how they are called on the wiki now! When did they change it?) So, I decided to analyze them (though speculate might be a better word cuz I don’t think Im the best at analyzing) and how they relate to their respective area and see if I could wrap around my head on the thinking process behind them, hopefully to get a better understanding on how blackspace works on a symbolic level, since I don’t want to turn blackspace into some generic creepy place, I want it to at least feel like I made an attempt in preserving what makes blackspace unique, you know?

After that, I thought it was maybe good enough to make it a post and someone might find this interesting, so I translated my notes and here they are (also I tidied them up and cut some stuff so you dont have to see me ramble so much). Maybe my perspective could be useful to someone else planning to write about blackspace, or just fun to read. Dunno. I’m the first to admit that some of these are a bit of a stretch but at least I hope it doesn’t make anyone’s eyes bleed. I included some of the other alternative listed names, but not all because I got tired and I found this was good enough for what I wanted to accomplish.

This is blackspace what we’re talking about so you can get an idea of what to expect: Mentions of a deteriorating mental health, depression, unhealthy coping mechanisms, dissociation, intrusive thoughts, suicidal thoughts, trauma and negative aspects of religion (kinda?), among others. Some of these are literally just mentioned but others are a bit more described.

1- Suspense (aka pain area)

Suspense is defined as ‘that which maintains the expectation over a resolution. The state of tension in a determined situation’ (all the definitions I quote here are at least according to the first site I found them at.) With this, I would say this area reflects Sunny’s uncertainty about his future, if he continues the lifestyle he has currently. Deep down, he knows what will be the end result of that: pain, even more pain than he already feels.

It’s other name, Static World, could be taken as ‘a world that doesn’t move, doesn’t change’, which fits with how Sunny’s small world is currently, but probably it refers to the static seen in the background of this place. Since static is caused by a bad signal, this could refer to how Sunny, sinking into his depression and misery, loses contact with how vast the world is truly, with the good things and the opportunities he still has, and he thinks all there is is pain. Basically, it is related to how depression and a bad mental health can ‘cloud your vision’, so to say.

2- Subconscious spill (aka disco area)

‘Spill’ makes me think of excess or lack of care, while the subconscious can be defined as ‘that information stored in the brain which is of hard access, like a suppressed wish or trauma, and which the conscience doesn’t want to remember,’ but in this case I would associate the subconscious with blackspace itself.

With this, I think this name refers to blackspace’s advancement, slowly getting closer to headspace, as well as the deterioration of this one. At some point, headspace will stop functioning and everything there is in blackspace will reach Sunny, demanding to be heard, acknowledged. One day those feelings Sunny represses will ‘spill’ and Sunny will be forced to face them, wants it or not, ready or not.

The chaotic graphics of this area could reflect this state of being ‘overwhelmed’, but I think the visuals are a bit of an answer from headspace about this issue, Sunny’s coping mechanism becoming more extreme to keep in distracted, flooding his senses with colors and sounds to the point he can’t concentrate in any thought, no matter how much said thought keeps ‘yelling’.

3- Looping black field (aka scribble area)

I find this name sorta self-explanatory. It a looping and black place, though it catches my attention that this place is called a ‘field’, considering it looks more like a black void than any sort of field.

At least to me, a field sounds like a peaceful place, serene, a place where to lay down on the grass, relax and look at the world go on without you, or maybe forget about the world. This area contrasts with the last one. While that one was an overwhelming chaos, I think this one circles around numbness, which for Sunny, in comparison to being overwhelmed by guilt and fear, must feel close enough to peace. Maybe this place could also be associated with dissociation. It is almost empty, lonely, dark, there are stick figures that seem to decay, but Sunny calls it a field, or rather, he pretends it is a pleasant field. Even if it is a lonely place, it is a pleasant loneliness, or close enough to that.

4-Neighborhood (aka town area)

This name is also pretty straightforward, this area is a suburban neighborhood. Maybe the name is purposely generic. It’s not Faraway town, just some suburban town, purposely taking away it’s identity. The word ‘neighborhood’ makes me think of belonging and community, things that I doubt Sunny thinks he has anymore. After being shut away so long, maybe he feels like he isn’t a part of the town anymore, or feels like he has lost his bonds with it. It’s not Faraway, his hometown, just some ‘neighborhood’ his safe haven happens to be at, and this statement will be twice as true once he moves out to a new place, specially if he doesn’t make an attempt in reconnecting with the real world. His neighborhood feels more like a place that he can look at but not reach.

5-Forest of stumps (aka backyard area)

A forest of stumps makes me think of deforestation, a place that once was thriving with life, healthy, that has been devastated and now all that’s left are it’s remains, the proof or memory of what it once was. I think this describes pretty well how Sunny’s house is currently. Before it was a place where the group of friends often spent time, a noisy place, the noise of children playing, lively, but now it’s a place silent and empty (more so the closer the moving day gets and the place is emptied of everything), a shadow of what it used to be. The same could be said about the backyard, once a place where children played, now the place where a tragic death took place, the proof still there of both of these things (the toys and the stump.) Out of all the rooms of bs1, this is the one that references ‘the truth’ more than any.

6- Cat dissection (aka punishment area)

Another straightforward name. In general I think this room represents Sunny’s intrusive thoughts, specifically the ones relating to Mewo. Intrusive thoughts when having pets are a really nasty thing to deal with (well, it’s a nasty thing in general to deal with), and since Sunny already caused harm to a dear one when he never meant to, I bet they must be even more distressing for him. So, this room can be associated with Sunny being afraid of himself and the dread he feels at the further harm he could, in theory, cause (though in practice I really doubt he ever did anything to Mewo.)

7-Watermelon path (aka watermelon area)

Maybe I should stop mentioning how straightforward some of these names, since a lot of them are like that. Okay then, this name focuses on the watermelons, which here are empty of any objects they would normally contain, a reference to how ‘this path’ (continuing living in headspace) can only bring him empty rewards which at the end will culminate in Basil’s death? If Sunny truly wants to help Basil in a way that matters, rescuing him in headspace won’t be of any use.

Speaking of Basil, this is the place you find him for the first time, and while I don’t feel like finding what each of his deaths represents, I would like to make note, since this is the only obligatory death you have to see (if I remember well) of how this death is a bit different than the others, because Omori (so, the player) directly causes it with his actions by interacting with the watermelons, while the rest are caused by inaction, rather: Omori doesn’t help Basil get rid of the spiders, neither when he’s trapped in the elevator nor when the friends attack him. The death in the raft is vague and at the church is another exception, but I won’t get into detail about that.

8-Scribble (aka beach area)

In this room there are the photos that Sunny scribbled over. I think he did so because it was too painful for him to see the photographs of a reality that didn’t exist anymore and wouldn’t ever again. Mari was dead and the group would never be whole again. It was painful for him to confront the truth that the life he knew was over and that his childhood was left behind. It was painful for him to see his friends so happy and carefree of back then, in contrast of how hurt and destroyed they were now.

Maybe this is the last mandatory area because this was the moment when it truly hit Sunny that this life stage of his, his childhood, was over and he would never get it back… and this was the moment he choose to reject this new reality, ‘cutting ties’ with how his friends truly were, with their pain and all, and eventually he would go with the hs friends, happy and simple, nothing about the complicate grief.

Then there’s the other name, pink beach. Pink is a color that can represent things like innocence, while the beach makes me think of summer vacation, so this name could be related to ‘the good times’, the happy, carefree childhood, going to the beach to play with the friends, back when life was fun, so it fits well with what I said earlier. These photographs were the last contact Sunny had with that life.

9- Spider forest (aka spider area)

First optional area, a forest with spider. Spiders are one of Sunny’s phobias, while forest could be associated with familiarity, home, the forests of the suburbs he lived his happiest days. Then this room could represent the corruption of those places? Like, that which once was familiar and pleasant is now infested with fears? That fits pretty well in each night segment in the real world, when he hallucinates his house changing to torment him with one of his phobias (with a bit of the truth sparkled in!)

10- Safe spot (aka rain area)

This name stands out, among all the other names, which generally entail negative things. This room reminds me of the Vast forest, the grass has a similar color, and it also has the same music. My first impression here is that this was a forest that had been burned down, or in general a place that has been destroyed, all the trees (seemingly) dead and the ground barren, but with the calm music and the light rain… it gives the impression that this place is recovering from whatever happened, or that at least there’s something growing from the remains. The patches of grass look pretty lively, and there are a few flowers around, some rather fantasy-like.

With this, I think this name relates to the most benign side of headspace. Before it became harmful, headspace was truly a ‘safe spot’ for Sunny, a place where to find comfort and normality, a reprieve from his new reality so painful and confusing and solitary, specially when not having any real help or answer on how to deal with all of that. The days after Mari’s death and the separation of the group must’ve been really hard. Sunny’s life had been destroyed , ravaged, and that the place he was at when he created headspace. This is why the dead trees in this room are brown, like a real tree, to reflect this, while the other plants look more like they belong in headspace. Mari?’s dialogue can be associated with this too (as well as her fate being a warning of what will happen if Sunny ‘expands his mind’ too much), and the lamppost here might be a reference to headspace being ‘a light in the darkness.’ Basically, this room is about the beginnings of headspace.

11- Meat room (aka faceless area)

A meat room makes me think of a slaughterhouse. To get meat, an animal must be killed, and then the meat will be used as food, and food is necessary for a person to live. Taking in account that here is where ‘the mannequins’ can be found, I think this name can be associated to how headspace ‘butchers’ the memory of Sunny’s friends, so to create the hs friends, which are molded however it finds fitting to Sunny’s wishes, turned into caricatures, with little regard to how their personality actually are. At the same time, these friends are used to ‘sustain’ Sunny, to keep him sane, make loneliness more bearable, that’s how Sunny has kept himself alive when guilt and depression were getting a hold of him. The message of ‘kill me’ in the background could be related to that, it is easy to miss with all the friends walking around, they ‘distract’ from it, so to say.

12- Construction in the lake

I have no fucking idea. In my notes I keep rambling but I didn’t reach a good conclusion, so I’ll spare you all that text (and that also means I have to translate less!) For now, I’ll take this room as an example of how blackspace can exaggerate things. The closest think I think of about ‘a construction in the lake’ is the statue from which Sunny fell and from where his phobis originated from, as well as the place Mari saved him, and was so relieved of having saved him that she cried. So, this room represents the statue at the lake, but very exaggerated: the lake becomes a flooding, judging by the streetlamps at the background (a disaster then?) while the statue becomes… some sort of construction site? Well, at least is much taller than the actual statue, surely to reflect that Sunny’s memory isn’t perfect and that he could have the impression the statue was much taller than it actually was. And the shape is similar if you squint.

The other name, nighttime treehouse, could be a reference to the neighbor's room, ‘Sunny’s most precious room’, which is based on the treehouse and which he visits at night, or at least it is in a place that’s always at night. Still I’m not sure about the symbolism, but at least the text of the objects inside the treehouse in this room give me a sense of desperation, with how they are a single word every time. It makes me imagine Sunny desperately searching among the confusion for… anything that he has left. Also, there’s a bit of a sense of desolation, with the objects that have the word ‘fun’ also having the word ‘gone.’

Soooo, maybe this place is related to Sunny’s attempt at ‘rebuilding’ after/among the disaster?

(hey, now this section is way more tidy and conclusive than my notes, yay!)

13- Fish out of water (aka fishbowl area)

Not much to say, this is pretty easy to understand. Sunny feels like a fish out of water, specially if comparing himself to other ‘normal’ boys his age, how he is supposed to be if he was normal, how he could have been if nothing had happened. Probably Sunny doesn’t feel that much like a teenager, or like a person even.

14-Basil’s raft path (aka raft area)

for this one my notes are also messy as hell so I’ll try to condense them.

Two main elements to have in mind: Basil and the raft. Starting with the raft, it is a very simple thing, can be hand-made relatively easily and in calm water it does it’s job perfectly fine. A raft makes me think of a survivor from a shipwreckage, stuck on an island, making a raft to get out of their predicament. This is about movies and stuff, because I really doubt in reality the raft that’s shown in this area, which doesn’t have a sail nor any way to control it, would be ideal to traverse the ocean, much less if the ocean gets stormy. That’s just bound to end in tragedy.

The hs Basil found in this area is, together with the one at the church in Sunny’s route, the most aware of all the hs Basils. He hides to keep himself save until Omori arrives (showing some level of independence), he points out that Omori is ‘acting cold’ (showing he’s observant), and is very probable what he tried to say was something related to the truth. For this, I could say this Basil is pretty far from the standard hs Basil… maybe even closer to rw Basil, as close as a hs Basil can get.

With this, I believe ‘Basil’s raft’ is related to how Basil and Sunny’s relationship was after the incident and before Sunny became a shut in, and the support that Basil tried to give to Sunny, and just a reference to their state in general. They kept ‘afloat’, if on a bare-bones foundation, relying on their own means, however they could manage. No one could give them the help they needed, because only they knew what had truly happened, so they were by themselves.

Then we have their clashing opinions regarding how to handle the truth business: Basil seemed to want to talk about it with Sunny, but Sunny wanted to pretend nothing happened. Even if Basil was the only source of ‘honest’ comfort Sunny had (I say honest because Basil wanted to stay by his side even after what Sunny had done, while other people that could have tried to offer comfort didn’t know, so Sunny would keep thinking they would change their mind immediately if they knew), both these clashing opinions and the already conflicting feelings Sunny had regarding Basil… well, although the raft was in a river, rivers eventually can lead to the ocean, and neither of them did good in water.

15-Twoside (aka mirror area)

probably this refers to the whole Sunny&Omori business. This is the inability of Sunny accepting himself for who he is, both his positive traits as well as the negative ones, both the little brother and the murderer. Now that I think about it, since Sunny has surely a hard time thinking anything positive about himself with all that self-hatred, as well as coming-to-terms with what he did, it makes sense he decided to be nothing, then.

16-Time (aka bed area)

out of all the rooms, I think this is the easiest to understand. This one can either be keeping count of how much time Sunny has spent rotting in his bed, or the time he has left before moving away. Or both. Why not.

17- Incubation (aka reef area)

Personally, I find this room to be the most disturbing out of bs1. I t makes me think of a lab really ethically-questionable. Brings me memories from the plague dogs, so surely that why it irks me so much. I think this relates to how the hs friends are artificial, ‘lab made’, so artificial you can get as many copies as you want, carefully researched to be ideal for Sunny’s haven. Replaceable. Kinda ironic, considering how much Sunny values his friends. Surely in real life he must think he could never have different friends and the idea of making new friends must be foreign to him, if he doesn’t outright reject it. He could never replace his friends. In headspace though, he has done so many times, and it could even be said that the hs friends are already more of a replacement than just ‘reliving the good times.’

18-Neighbor playground (aka neighbor area)

Generally, the word neighbor can be associated to Kel, Hero and Aubrey. This is the only room of bs1 where the friends show some level of conscience, at least comparing them to the mannequins, though their dialogue is… unnatural. Like they are reciting, and they know those lines are the ‘greeting’, but they don’t remember the order. Are they defective? Or maybe corrupt is a more accurate word.

A playground is a place where children play at. It also could be refering to the playground of headspace, that could be considered the ‘home’ of all the hs gang. After each adventure, they eventually go back there. It makes sense this place is at the center of hs, since that’s what its bases are: games, adventures, having fun. This is accentuated even more in the hikikomori route, with ‘Playing forever’, music exclusive of this route, a tune that leaves it pretty clear that this idea of Sunny playing forever in his mind isn’t anything good.

One of the hard truths that Sunny must accept is that he isn’t a child anymore and he cannot spend his days simply playing. To keep pretending, to keep latching onto the old times that are gone only will cause him even more harm.

This idea of harm can be related to how aggressive the friends are here. The hs friends in general have become harmful, and maybe the failed attempt of these ones to welcome Omori is a demonstration that Sunny cannot connect with them meaningfully. Sunny needs a real connection, thing that the hs friends, for as much as they are fabricated to Sunny’s idealization, they can’t give him that. Actually, maybe that’s exactly why they can’t, because relationships are two-ways streets, and his real friends aren’t perfect nor their lives circle around Sunny 24/7. The hs friends never encourage Sunny to improve at anything nor make any effort in anything nor learn to solve problems that may arise nor learn to compromise or communicate. They don’t have their own hobbies nor aspirations on their own and much less do they change. The longer Sunny stays with them, the more damaged his ability to form relationships with actual people deteriorates.

Another interpretation to ‘neighbor’ is to imply something belonging to someone else, something that can be lent, but that isn’t owned. ‘Someone else’s playground.’ Headspace itself is someone else’s playground, and that ‘someone else’ is Sunny from the past, a time where he was an innocent child that could spend all day playing with his friends, because that’s what children do. The Sunny from the present isn’t that person, nor this ‘playground’ is his place anymore, no matter how much he wants to go back nor how much he pretends through Omori that he’s still that child. Accepting this is hard and painful, but is the only way he can make a place in the world where he fits as he is, and above all that adapts to his actual needs. Letting go is the way Sunny can start looking for what he truly needs.

19-Temple (aka church of something)

Temple is defined as ‘edification used for religious worship of a god or gods.’ It is specifically about a physical place, while ‘church’ has more meanings. Speaking of church, that was the place where Sunny saw Mari for the last time, where he was meant to say goodbye forever… but he didn’t, considering one of his conflicts is that he has to accept Mari is gone.

I’m gonna make an exception with this room and also analyze it’s more well-known name, since I find it interesting. Like I said, ‘church’ can have various meanings, for example, at least in christianity, it can refer to the christian community as a whole. Then maybe it could be considered a synonymous with religion, ‘religion of something’ , then. A religion is meant to tell you how to live, what values to have and what’s good and bad, right? Among other things, sure, but I’ll focus on that first one.

Maybe is a bit of an stretch, but maybe ‘church of something’ could be related to how Sunny’s life was torn to shreds after the incident, or more specifically, how ‘something’, the trauma, now dictates every aspect of his life, his choices, his self and his relationships, or lack of. His day-to-day is heavily influenced by fear and guilt. Even headspace, purposely meant to keep any reminder of what happened at bay, wouldn’t exist, at least in its current form, if it wasn’t for the trauma. Whitespace, headspace, blackspace, redspace, reality, everything in Sunny’s life is influenced by his trauma. How does the ‘church of something’ tell him to live like? Running away, is the only way to get some reprieve from the pain. What kind of person must he be? Omori, because is the only way he can live with himself. Overall, this goes with the most negative aspects of religion.

He can let his fear influence his choices, too, such as when Kel knocks on the door. Sunny wants to be with his friends, that has never changed, it is what he wants more than anything in the world, and here he has a friend, right behind some wood, but his fear, of confronting his friends are different people, of comparing himself to how they have changed when he hasn’t and gaining perspective of how truly fucked up he is, can prevent him from reaching out.

Obviously Sunny doesn’t ‘worship’ something, but is not like he can simply one day just go and say he won’t let these things have a hold of his life anymore. It takes work, and this is the room where the ‘internal work’ that Sunny has done, so to say, manifest, or the lack of it condemns him. Here, is where he either sets on the path to keep living by how ‘something’ dictates it, or defy it and eventually have a chance at letting Mari’s memory rest in peace, together with the childhood and innocence she represented, things that Sunny doesn’t have anymore, but by letting go of what he doesn’t have, he can rediscover what he still has, the kind of person he is: someone creative, quiet, good at listening, someone who can make a positive difference in the community (going with the universally loved route) and which, overall, is much more than his trauma.

I kinda think I could have worded all that better and that I may have gone off the rails, but Im tired. forgive me. why is this nearly 5k words.

To finish this, here’s a summary:

1-suspense/static world: sunny’s dread for a future filled with pain. Sunny’s vision of the world being clouded by his misery, where he can only see pain.

2-subconscious spill: sunny’s overwhelming feelings eventually reaching him. Sunny becoming even more dependent of his coping mechanism, to an extreme point where he loses control.

3-looping black field: numbness, dissociation. Sunny’s act of imagining he’s in a better place than he actually is.

4-neighborhood: lack of belonging and community.

5-forest of stumps: the aftermath of mari’s death. Sunny’s home being a shadow of what it used to be.

6-cat dissection: sunny’s intrusive thoughts. Sunny being afraid of himself and the damage he could cause, even if he doesn’t mean to.

7-watermelon path: a warning that if sunny keeps chasing after empty quest/goals in headspace, he will fail at doing what actually matters.

8-scribble/pink beach: sunny rejecting the reality that the good times of childhood are gone.

9-spider forest: what was once familiar, home, is now nightmarish, infested with fears.

10-safe spot: headspace beginnings, when it had a more benign purpose and gave reprieve and to sunny when he couldn’t find it anywhere.

11-meat room: the friend’s personalities are butchered to create the hs friends.

12-Construction at the lake: Sunny desperate attempt at building a sense of normality after the disaster.

13-fish out of water: Sunny feeling that he doesn’t belong in his own world, or that he’s even a person.

14-Basil’s raft path. How sunny and basil’s relationship was like after the incident, comparable to a make-shift raft. Basil’s attempt at offering comfort to sunny.

15-twoside: sunny’s inability to accept himself for who he is, the good and the bad.

16-time: sunny’s dread for the past of time.

17-incubation: how sunny has replaced his friends with artificial copies.

18- neighbor playground: how the hs friends damage sunny’s ability to form relationships with real people. In general, Sunny’s latching onto a reality that doesn’t exist anymore.

19-temple: how trauma has affected every aspect of sunny’s life.

#omori

[eazy-group]

Tanya lost 98 pounds

New Post has been published on https://eazydiet.net/tanya-lost-98-pounds/

Tanya lost 98 pounds

Transformation of the Day: Tanya shares how she lost 98 pounds. At 47 years young, she was taking 12 medications, her health was declining and she was saddend to see the toll her health was taking on on her family. Determined to get healthy and fit, she had VSG surgery and transformed her lifestyle.

Social Media: Facebook

When did you start your journey? What was your motivation? At age 47, I weighed 370 pounds and was taking 12 medications. Walking from the door to my house to the car had become overwhelming due to extreme shortness of breath. Taking care of my basic needs had become excruciating and challenging, and my self-esteem was tanked. I also could see the toll my poor health had on my family. It made me very sad. 

After years of yo-yo dieting, I decided to get the Vertical Sleeve Gastronomy (VSG) weight loss surgery. This procedure was done five days before my 48th birthday, and it’s the best gift I’ve ever given to myself. My ultimate goal is to get to 200 lbs and be healthy, fit, and toned. I’m turning 50 on 11/3/23 and have never felt better.

Getting healthy has had ups and downs, but I have a renewed lease on life, the capacity to try new activities, and my mindset is continually changing. These all help me not want to give up.

How did you change your eating habits? I cut down considerably on carbs (rice, pasta, bread, cereals, and sweets), although I occasionally eat them. Having stomach restrictions helps a great deal. I don’t use a specific diet plan. Instead, I try to have a colorful plate with fruits, veggies, some grains, and meat.

What is your workout routine? I use YouTube videos for cardio workouts. There’s a lot of good free content! I also do a lot of walking because I’m able to now! 

I have also gotten hooked on doing virtual challenges through The Conqueror Challenges and Yes Fit. I do some weight training videos, but I also have free weights, resistance bands, and battle ropes at home. I plan to increase strength training by using home tools and the gym at our building complex so I can tone more.

How often did you work out? I do 2-3 days per week but plan on stepping up my days.

What was your starting weight? What is your current weight? My starting weight was 370 pounds, and my current weight is 272 pounds and still going.

What is your height? 5’5″

What is the biggest lesson you’ve learned so far? To not quit. Being obese is hard. Getting healthy is hard. At least on the other side of getting healthy, there are so many positive rewards for the effort. I’m also learning to be more gentle with myself, keep learning from setbacks, and keep moving forward.

What advice do you have for women who want to lose weight? Make yourself a priority! No matter what you’ve been through, you ARE worth the journey of good health. Your future will be so much brighter with being able to move more, becoming your best self, and having a new appreciation of good health.

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[hannahsmusings]

Jackson

*Jsckson saw red as he watched Matt shrug you off, about to reach out and throw him To the ground just to get him away from you, never wanting to watch another human being dismiss you like that, as if you were a bother, you weren’t a bother and you should never be treated like one* *he takes a step closer to you, ready to strike if he needed to, seemingly growing a few inches as he stood at his full height, ready for this fight* If you’re not going to show me or any of these people respect, at least show it to your girlfriend. She’s the reason you’re here after all. *his voice was hard as stone, his fists clenching, wanting to punch the stupid look off this assholes face, trying his best to keep his composure* *he watched as Matt takes a step towards him, his pupils nearly dilating, his tone dropping to a dangerous level* I’d advise you to take a step back. Hannah asked you to stop, listen to her.

*Matt was too drunk, not used to the top shelf stuff and how it hit his system harder than the beer he usually drank, his head swimming with anger and jealousy* *he took a step towards Jackson, not willing to show any weakness but he couldn’t deny that Jackson was fucking tall and large, his body looming over his own but he refused to let it deter him* I’m here to defend Hannah. This lifestyle, it’s shit. It’s a joke. I want to protect her from all of this bullshit. You just use her, use her to make your bank account bigger. You don’t care about how it’s ruining her life. *he spits out*

*jackson felt a pang of guilt at Matt’s words, his eyes flicking over to you, seeing you looking at Matt with such disdain and he just knew there was no truth there, he wasn’t ruining your life, he was ruining Matt’s and he could live with that* *he wanted to take you away, whisk you into the night and bring you back to his manor and promise that you’d never see this foul creature again, wanting to truly protect you, wanting to keep you from all of this, his heart physically aching at the sight of you looking so lost and defeated over your boyfriend* *his eyes move back to Matt, his chest puffed out, his jaw set, his eyes the darkest stormiest blue they’ve ever been* I think it’s time you leave. Or I can make you leave. Your choice.

_______________________________________

*my lip trembled with hurt, looking at you and eyes welling with tears with embarrassment and apologies, so overwhelming sorry that Matt had behaved like this when you’d invited him out of courtesy, feeling shake and guilt consume me as I turn back to him, gasping as he steps into your space, my hands coming out to press against his chest, stepping between you as I look up at him, practically begging* Please Matt, leave it. I-I just want to have a nice night. *whispers, voice shaky and full of hurt as he ignores me and focuses on you, announcing that he was defending me and seeing there in that moment that he’d never get over me having this job, as much as he said he’d try and be supportive he’d ruined it in this moment, showing that his views hadn’t changed and I knew they wouldn’t* *I looked at him with such disappointment, shaking my head and stepping back, wanting to speak up but I just felt like I was going to cry, hands trembling and wanting to run from this situation but I couldn’t trust he wouldn’t hit you in the middle of this ballroom, turning to look at you with wide wet eyes as you ask him to leave, heart sinking as I was so worried you’d be upset with me and I knew Matt wouldn’t want to leave without me coming with which would put me in such a difficult position, him not being able to take it back now, this night was ruined*

#hannah plot

[howtostoppornaddiction]

CAN I QUIT CIGARETTES, WEED, AND PORN ALTOGETHER?

Today’s topic comes from a question a brother brought up. He says:

“Hey, J.K. I feel like I might be trying to do too much at one time and it’s making it hard to focus on my reboot. I’m trying to quit smoking cigarettes, quit smoking marijuana, and quit porn, all while trying to navigate my feelings about separating from my partner. 

“How can I navigate all of this and remain successful? Am I trying to do too much at once? How do you avoid falling into the trap of, ‘I’m not looking at porn so it’s okay to masturbate as long as I don’t use it’?”

Porn addiction problems are devastating for men to overcome. It leaves you consumed with shame and guilt for your behavior and separated from the people around you. When you struggle with more than one addiction, though, the problem becomes even harder. Plenty of men deal with other addictions alongside their porn problem. What is the best way to approach these issues? How to stop porn addiction along with other addictions?

First of all, this is probably more common than you think. A lot of brothers feel ending their out-of-control behavior creates a great opportunity to turn a new leaf in life. While it is a great opportunity to make some changes, it’s not a good idea to end every single compulsive behavior you have at once.

I’m not saying it’s impossible but it does make it much more difficult. It’s not the most realistic way of approaching a successful porn addiction recovery. You run the risk of overwhelming yourself by doing everything at the same time. In my experience, men who tackle these problems one at a time rather than all at once are far more successful in the long run. 

You can still take on too much at once during your reboot even if you don’t struggle with other addictions. I see it all the time. Men in the Porn Reboot group are talking about doing 75 Hard, about reading a book a week, about losing weight, and about starting a business, all while trying manage their erectile dysfunction and end their out-of-control behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation.

Unsurprisingly, the wheels fall off at some point and they end up in a bigger rut than before.

I’m all for becoming a stronger man and building a better life. But that doesn’t happen by sending yourself into a tailspin by trying to juggle multiple major changes simultaneously. Instead, I believe that taking on changes one at a time and committing them to your new lifestyle is a far more effective approach.

This brother also mentions that he’s trying to quit all of these behaviors while processing the feelings of a breakup. This adds another layer of difficulty to the problem because he’s removing every coping mechanism he’s built over the years. Eliminating all these ways of dealing with his emotions at once will only lead to a harder relapse.

Handling emotions is difficult for anyone in the Porn Reboot program. It’s not something that comes easily; it takes time, practice, and dedication. You may think that ripping the band aid off all at once is the best approach but you’re only making things harder on yourself.

Unless your substance use is putting you in dangerous situations or poses an immediate threat to your physical well-being, I recommend starting with your porn addiction. There’s a reason you’re here at the Porn Reboot program, after all. Start by implementing the Porn Reboot system in your life and fully embrace this approach to life.

Once you’ve gained control over your compulsive behavior, then you can shift your focus to other struggles. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to wellness. You must determine which approach is best for you. But taking them on all at once is the least effective approach, brother. I’ve seen it time and time again. Choose one, master it, and then move on to the next.

#Youtube

[yoshimonster]

Blog #6: Nothing Happened & My Life Remains Exactly Where It Was

So yeah, this title is extremely disappointing and I feel like I’m logging on a bit late as well to tell you that this round of results was good and bad. It was good in that the first third-year subject I’ve taken I received over 75% for the exam I did! And then you have my failing maths and circuit grade, for which I do have a chance of doing my circuit exam again and I really need to bust my tail to make this happen. I also yet again will have to take maths in the foreseeable future (most likely next year) because that one was a bomb and half. I have no context of this situation and can only imagine that it will be absolutely horrible. Similar with circuit, but I did get somewhat of a breakdown at the very least so I’m thankful for this.

Otherwise, additional shows for Taylor Swift Eras Tour got added so there will be more chance tomorrow to get tickets and I am quite overwhelmed with just the rollercoaster of emotions I’m experiencing these days. It’s just sadness and happiness in some random package with a whole lot of making your nose bleed seasoning. I have no idea what this is right now – literally it’s miserable and magical type of a feeling this time. I’m also going to be waking up early and studying probably outside my room for this circuit exam, then going to spiderman tomorrow to maintain a semblance of normality/talk to friends I guess. I really don’t think I’m the best to socialise with right now – but it’s fake it till you make it type of an everyday routine.

Family are also in a very weird mood right now, they do have that base level of disappointment, which I can’t really blame them for, but they are also experiencing these mixed emotions to a lesser degree than me. They honestly are trying their best and I should definitely be more understanding/aware of everything. But I remember (and this is a bit of Devil’s Advocate just a disclaimer), when I went on an overseas trip earlier this year and I was also a bystander to someone much younger than me going through really rough times with their family trying to support them but not being fully able to, that cut really deep. I remember almost feeling a sense of out of body sadness on the behalf of another person and I could feel the palpable pain of people trying to help this person. It made me think of my family dynamics quite a lot. And also really acknowledge the fact that, when others experience really rough times it is extremely tough to sit through and support them but when you yourself go through pretty self-induced tough times … yeah there is nothing quite as soul-crushing as that. It is a really draining experience and honestly so hard to explain to those who haven’t gone through it with literal long-term negative consequences effecting pretty much all parts of life. I’ll give an example because perhaps the above is a bit vague, like someone who drinks alcohol to an unhealthy degree, eventually gets liver cancer in the late future and now has to pretty much change their entire lifestyle to accommodate for a problem that could have been quite highly potentially prevented. I believe that this all sort of happens during your elderly years, when literally all the health things you neglect when younger all catch up at the same time – potentially the same type of more (hopefully) accomplished self-regret, although I guess this is unavoidable at that stage in life though.

This whole post was existential and dark. Uh, hope it didn’t make you guys too depressed. I don’t think it’s the best time to elaborate on other random things cause that was just a huge paragraph to read – with a lot of content inside it. Hope you guys have/had a great day – we’ll also ignore the gifs this time around as well to honour this ramble just existing out there.

-yoshimonster-

#daily blog #existential crisis #grades #darkness #rambles #so sad #taylor swift #the eras tour

[polefitnessdancing]

#eatingforhealthandfatloss #goodeatinghabitsforfatloss #goodeatinghabitstobecomehealthy #goodfoodhabitsforfatloss #healthyeating #healthyeatinghabits #healthylifestyle

[aliceward]

What Does it Mean to Dream About Countryside

What Does it Mean to Dream About Countryside?

The countryside is my favorite place to go. It’s so peaceful and relaxing, free from the distractions of technology or busy city life.

It brings me back down to earth when I’m feeling too caught up in artificiality. With its beautiful wildlife - what better way to spend a morning than chasing cows across an open field or watching squirrels run around madly foraging nuts while they try not to get squished by speeding cars on country roads? You’re also close enough that if you feel like it, you can visit bustling cities without having spent hours stuck in traffic jams trying to get there!

A dream about the countryside can symbolize different things for people. For some, it is a way to escape the chaos of city life and find peace in nature’s beauty. Others may think that dreams with this setting represent their wish to have more natural beauty or happiness in their lives — a yearning they feel but cannot fulfill yet due to hectic lifestyles. It could also show our need as humans for serenity amidst all of today’s hustle and bustle because living amongst noise has become normalized over time - even if subconsciously!

What Does it Mean to Dream About Countryside

The countryside is vast and free from human activity, making it a quiet place to go when you want some peace in your thoughts. Your dream about the countryside could be due to having too many things happening at once that make it difficult for your mind’s eye to stay focused on one task or idea. Perhaps work has become overwhelming with demands? A desire for freedom can often come out in dreams. Maybe this particular landscape represents the liberation of thought processes so that they may return to normal again after being interrupted by stressors during waking hours.

Also, the bounty of wildflowers, greenery, and wildlife roaming the countryside symbolizes fertility. Dreams about a full luscious countryside can show a desire to have or nurture children and fill your life with important people.

In your dream, you may have experienced the following

The countryside is a beautiful place to visit. Many things can be seen and experienced there, such as animals grazing in fields or riding horses across the land. One could also see working farms with people tending them from afar, animal shelters nearby where one may pet fluffy creatures inside their fences and gardens filled with flowers of all kinds. The sky feels bigger when you’re on an open field surrounded by green grass for miles around! You might even get lucky enough to spot wildlife, too — such as deer under trees eating bark off of its branches or birds flying above looking for insects next to ponds. We’ve had so much fun exploring this wonderful space outside our town’s limits; hopefully, someday, we’ll return once more!

Positive changes are afoot if

The countryside is a place where you can relax. It has free-roaming animals, and it almost looks like something out of the book Watership Down because there are cute little creatures in your field! You probably experience an uplifting feeling when you look at this kind of scenery which makes sense since that’s how nature should make people feel - positive about life, refreshed after a hard day’s work.

Detailed dream interpretation

In a dream about the countryside, you can feel peacefulness and relaxation. If this is your only visit to the countryside in your dreams, then it means that all of the hectic chaos will soon come to an end if only for a short time. In other words, positive changes are ahead!

If you dreamt of living in the countryside or if a house in the countryside appeared to you, then everything is coming together for your life. You finally feel safe with someone else and maybe settle down somewhere that feels good to live in. If this was accompanied by riding a horse through rural areas, it means that things are going pretty well at present, and there’s nothing to worry about anymore!

In your dream, you see animals or a garden in the countryside. You may be thinking about having children if there were many animals in it and feel that this is natural, given how much love one can have for their young ones. The inputs also suggest that someone close to you might be pregnant as well. However, these dreams where I was surrounded by fencing all around me made me feel trapped, which goes against everything we know of being free from constraints while living out here among nature’s beauty!

This dream is in association with the following scenarios in your life

Getting back to the basics of life is a great way to find comfort and relaxation. Many people, especially those who are stressed out or have children, use deep breathing techniques and basic amenities such as clothing that they don’t need anything artificial for to achieve these goals.

Feelings that you may have encountered during a dream of the countryside

The air was so fresh and clean, and I found myself breathing in deep. There were no noises or disturbances to break my focus on the present moment. It felt like everything else had disappeared into oblivion. It gave me an incredible sense of calmness that allowed all worries to fade away from reality for a little while longer. The solitude made every detail feel more special than ever before - even mundane things such as walking down this path became new experiences under these circumstances with nobody around but us two tigers, wandering together through nature’s kingdom!

countryside Dream Meaning and Dream Interpretation

To dream about countryside explained:

May represent being open, or openness.

Dreaming about walking through or driving by a countryside church often is a positively charged symbol. Namely, it could translate your forthcoming ability of finding truthful, genuine and valuable friends. They would bring happiness and joy into your life. You would have a great time in their company.

Envisioning a home in the countryside, whether it belongs to you or someone else, may indicate changes sweeping into your life when witnessed in a dream vision. Seeing a house, such as a cottage or manor, in a rural area is often interpreted as meaning some life-changing event is about to take place, like a wedding, new job or big move. It may also predict some almost unbelievable event taking place, likely something you have to see to believe. Therefore, this dream may be a warning to expect the unexpected.

To dream about walking in the countryside evokes feelings of loneliness and nostalgia brought about by a physical absence. A loved one or someone who holds a special place in your heart may have been away for a while, and you could be missing him or her terribly at the moment. Nevertheless, a lot of your friends would fill the void caused by this person's absence by spending time with you and keeping you company as often as their schedule would permit.

In your dream you may have

Seen the countryside.

Been to the countryside.

Longed to go to the countryside.

Seen a house or farm on the countryside.

Camped out on the countryside.

Seen animals on the countryside.

Noticed a particularly bare or brown countryside.

Been at a countryside with a river.

Rode a horse on the countryside.

Seen a garden at the countryside.

Worked on farmland on the countryside

Seen a fence on the countryside.

Been at the countryside with someone.

Positive changes are afoot if

You visited or lived at the countryside.

Any animals were free-roaming.

There was a river on the countryside.

Anything that seemed peaceful and relaxing probably signified a positive change.