#but it’s so polar opposite to everything i have ever experienced that i simply cannot fathom that it’s not just lazy writing ahahaha

[sineshion]

Nezumi Character Analysis

UH OH SISTERS! Here I am to write an essay on Nezumi and his relationship and actions towards Shion that no one asked for, but I’m doing it anyway.

SPOILERS FOR THE NO.6 NOVEL

Let me start by saying that Nezumi is a really well fleshed out character, and that a lot of his actions and dialogue have more depth than initially comes across. Nezumi starts off as a character who is very closed off, both emotionally and physically. Gradually over the course of the novel, he becomes more and more open, until we reach the climax of his character while in the Correctional Facility. During Shion and his first meeting, he tells Shion that he doesn’t neccessarily care about Shion’s fate, but that he doesn’t want to feel responsible if something bad were to happen to Shion.

“Do you really? I mean, it’s not my problem what happens to you, but if you end up being wiped out because of me, I wouldn’t like that. I’d feel like I did something horrible...”

I find this dialogue to be very telling and foreshadowing, as comparing Nezumi’s mindset from the beginning of the novel and end of the novel shows just how much Shion is able to change him. Though Nezumi might not say it directly, he is just as drawn to Shion as Shion is to him. We come to learn that he keeps secretive watch over Shion for the four years they are apart, in a silent way of protecting him. We could shrug this off as Nezumi simply “repaying a debt”, as he says again and again, but it is far more than that. Shion offers kindness and compassion to Nezumi during their first meeting, which we come to learn is the first real act of kindness he has received in years. Shion shows love toward Nezumi when he arguably needs it most, and though Nezumi might not want to admit it, he is showing love right back by silently watching over Shion, and rescuing him. From the moment they met, Nezumi has become captured by Shion, much like how Shion says he has become captured by Nezumi.

Throughout the novel, Nezumi goes from showing acts of kindness toward Shion, to then showing hostility. Shion is never afraid of Nezumi’s random spouts of violence, in his what I can only assume to be futile attempts to reject vulnerability. Nezumi projects all of his hatred for No.6 and it’s violence against him onto Shion, which he later comes to realize is wrong, and abusive of him.

“This casual act of kindness, or those cold, dispassionate words from a few minutes ago - which one was he to believe? Shion couldn’t grasp him.”

Nezumi tells Shion to throw away his memories, his feelings, and ties to everyone and everything he knows. He continuously acts cold and hostile toward Shion without provocation, which we learn is the result of the way Gran, an old woman who raised him, warped his mind into being. Nezumi has a very unstable and warped mindset on love, and what it would do to him. He has been raised since the age of 4 to fear it like nothing else, which I find so heartbreaking. It is no wonder Nezumi constantly reacts the way he does both to being touched by Shion, as well as kissed, or just generally loved. Gran tells Nezumi from the age of 4 to view any person who loves him as a literal demon who will kill him, thus creating the mental struggle within himself as he tries and fails to keep from reciprocating those feelings.

“Never sigh in earnest. Never cry. You’ll be taken advantage of by demons. Sighing creates an opening, a vulnerability. If you want to stay alive, keep your mouth shut. Never let anyone see your weak spot. Let your heart warm to no one. Never trust anyone but yourself.”

We are told that Nezumi went against Gran’s instruction simply by rescuing Shion. I suspect that a small part of Nezumi wanted to do this (go against Gran’s orders), though he reprimands himself multiple times for his actions. It isn’t that Nezumi is completely helpless from falling in love with Shion, it’s that he actually wants to be loved by the boy, even if only deep down. More and more, he begins to simply sit around and watch Shion, thinking about how beautiful Shion is, how nice it would be to touch him and how much he wants to have physical contact with him, playing with his hair. He begins to lose his sense of control over himself, leaving the door to his home unlocked without even realizing it, sighing over Shion, and risking his own safety to send messages to Shion’s mother unprompted. When he learns of Safu’s abduction, instead of telling Shion, he begins to think of how if Shion found out, it would result in his death. He compares the loss to the loss of his own family, and of the suffering he would feel if that were to occur. Nezumi has already begun to grow attached. He was attached from the very moment Shion and he met.

“He would be experiencing the same suffering again, of being broiled alive in Hellfire.” “I don’t want to lose him. I would suffer.”

This admission is paralleled to Safu’s in a prior scene, where she admits to Karan, Shion’s mother, that she is in love with Shion. She says: “I don’t want to regret anything. If - if by some chance, he ends up never coming back... I’m going to be the one to suffer for my whole life. I don’t want that. I don’t want to lose him.” Nezumi is falling in love with Shion, whether he realizes it at this moment or not is besides the point. He does not want to lose Shion. He does not want to return to a life of seclusion and loneliness, a life without love. He would and will do anything to keep from losing it. Both Safu and Nezumi are in love with Shion, but I would argue that the difference between them, other than obvious ones, as that Nezumi comes to see Shion exactly for who he is, the love he feels for Shion not blinding himself, but illuminating the entire world, whereas Safu does not. Safu continuously compares herself to the person Shion is yearning for, asking why she cannot be them, why she cannot be the one to get to know everything about Shion.

Despite Nezumi’s efforts to hide the truth of Safu’s capture from Shion, this falls through, and he is warned by Inukashi: “If he’s so precious to you that you don’t want to loose him, protect him to the very end. And do whatever it takes to protect him, you idiot, no matter how humiliating it is.” Nezumi wants to protect Shion, and would and later does do anything to keep him by his side, this dialogue from Inukashi foreshadowing Nezumi’s vulnerability and the swallowing of his own pride as he lays everything he is bare before Shion’ feet.

Later, Shion, after finding out that Safu is in danger, confesses all of his feelings to Nezumi, in what he assumes will be the last time they see one another. He kisses Nezumi goodbye, and sneaks out. Nezumi follows after him, and lashes out in a very violent way, and after, saying: “Listen, you’re not allowed to give me a goodbye kiss ever again! Never, ever again!” He tells Shion that this beating is punishment for lying to him, and trying to sneak away, aka trying to die without him. Soon, Shion will turn Nezumi’s warped way of thinking against him in the Correctional Facility, where he will use Nezumi’s reasoning and justification for violence by claiming the two men he attempts to kill are deserving of it, because they have tried to harm Nezumi.

Gradually, more and more, we see Nezumi not only reciprocating moments of intimacy, but initiating them with Shion: “A hand suddenly reached over to him. It was Nezumi’s. It gently pried Shion’s fist open, finger by finger, gently, as if toying with it.” Nezumi still has moments of random bursts of aggression, both in an attempt to continue to keep Shion at bay, to keep from falling more in love, and to prevent Shion from aiding the city or its people in any manner. While Shion admits a love confession, saying: “I’m probably more afraid to lose you than anything - anybody else.” This sparks a fear in Nezumi, at the reality that not only is Shion attached to him, but that he is just as attached to Shion. He’s completely aware at this point of his own feelings. He thinks: “Am I the one who hasn’t known anything all along?” while questioning his past actions, and whether or not he has been seeing Shion in a positive light or not. Nezumi has started to become more self aware through his relationship with Shion, and more in touch with his own emotions.

Once entering the Correctional Facility, Nezumi warns Shion not to lose himself. He promises Shion that they will come back from this together. He isn’t saying this only to Shion, but more so to himself. Nezumi has been captured by the light that he sees in Shion, and though Shion is the one to think that Nezumi keeps him human, it’s quite the other way around. Shion attempts to kill two men, both times Nezumi reprimands him, telling him: “Never put your hands around someone’s throat again!” and “Shion! Shion! Stop - stop, please - Shion, I’m begging you.” and “I want you to stay as you are, Shion.” Shion keeps Nezumi human. Shion is a beacon of light shining down on Nezumi, exposing his own humanity. Time and time again, it is clear that Shion’s humanity and compassion save Nezumi from doom. While Nezumi develops to see the light of humanity and within his own soul through loving Shion, Shion develops to see the darkness in humanity and within his own soul by loving Nezumi. They quite make the perfect narrative foil to one another, developing in an almost polar opposite way. Nezumi ultimately becomes more like Shion, Shion becomes more like Nezumi.

We learn of Nezumi’s past, and of his suffering, in a scene where he allows himself complete vulnerability to Shion, showing him the burn on his back and revealing to us and to Shion how his family and culture were ruthlessly burned to the ground right before his eyes. Shion begins to cry at learning the truth, begins to blame himself for his own ignorance and for Nezumi’s suffering. Nezumi confesses: “I didn’t mean to make you feel guilty. I didn’t mean to accuse you of any crime. I - can’t even imagine wanting to hurt you. I’m sorry.” “Don’t you cry. You were just a tiny kid. You’re not to blame for anything.” He’s starting to drastically change his mindset and perspective which will ultimately lead to him choosing to believe in Shion, to have faith in Shion, trusting that the both of them truly see one another at this point for who they are. Trusting Shion to remain human, and build a better world.

As they begin their infiltration, Shion begins to grow more and more cold and uncaring of human life. As Nezumi kills guards, Shion says that it simply can’t be helped - it’s kill or be killed. This moment is clear in highlighting not only how Nezumi has changed Shion, but how Shion has changed Nezumi. Nezumi is displeased to hear this reasoning from Shion, which is not something he would have thought at the beginning of the novel. Shion is uncaring, which is not something he would feel were this the beginning of the novel. They have both a positive and negative impact on one another, and alwyas seem to take it to the extreme, though it isn’t neccessarily strange given the circumstances and situation at hand. Nezumi begins to see the direct affect his own actions have had on Shion, and how they have begun to warp his mind, much like Gran warped Nezumi’s own perspective on love. He thinks sadly: “Forgive me, Gran. I’ve gone against what you’ve told me. I’ve sighed many times for another. I believed him, and opened my heart to him. I placed the shackles around my own feet. But I couldn’t have done otherwise. I couldn’t cut him away.” Nezumi loves Shion. No matter what he tries, he cannot escape the love he feels for him. He couldn’t do otherwise, because he doesn’t truly WANT to. He wants to love Shion, admitting this to himself now. The seeds have already been planted at this point for Nezumi to begin feeling his own guilt and remorse at trying to change Shion’s personality, and coming to the horrifying realization that it worked. Nezumi didn’t want to harm Shion, or hurt him. He truly and foolishly believed he was doing what was right, what was taught to him. He feels so much remorse at the point that when he is almost killed by Rashi, he entirely gives up the fight. He allows himself a moment of genuine intimacy with Shion, let’s Shion hold him, as he prepares to die with him. Does this sound like something Nezumi would do? A character who preaches survival, is now willing to die with the person he has fallen in love with. He is not afraid, nor angry, nor sad - he simply accepts it. I find this moment to be very telling of Nezumi’s character.

When Shion shoots Rashi, Nezumi, who is already terribly wounded, tries repeatedly to stand up and stop him from finishing Rashi off. It is shocking not just to us, but to him, to see how Shion has changed. He screams for Shion to stop in vain as Shion commits murder on his behalf.

“He didn’t want to open his eyes. If he did, he would have to face reality.”

Despite trying to repress this, he tries to keep Shion grounded, as Shion has already been shown time and time again to be unstable and suicidal. Shion attempts to commit suicide by shooting himself in the head, asking Nezumi over and over if Nezumi and perhaps even God can forgive him for the murder he has committed. Nezumi thinks that it would have been better had they never infiltrated it at all, had he known it would destroy Shion’s mental state so completely. Nezumi, a character hellbent on destroying the government, is now thinking that Shion’s mental health is worth more to him than destroying the city. He thinks, as he starts to have his own mental breakdown, that he is the one who needs to be forgiven, not Shion. He begins to cry uncontrollably, as he mentally begs for Shion’s forgiveness.

“Shion, I’m sorry. I made you bear the burden, one so big it’s making your spine creak. Would I be forgiven one day? Would you forgive me for what I did to you?”

Nezumi is unable to bear the thought that he is the direct cause of Shion’s attempt at suicide. He is forced to confront at this moment his own abusive actions, and all of the brutality he has thrust upon Shion up to this point. He is begging, literally on his knees, to be forgiven. To be forgiven for all of his mistakes, all of his anger, all of his pain and hurt that he has projected onto Shion. Begging for forgiveness at meeting Shion - at coming unexpectedly into his life and, in Nezumi’s eyes, ruining everything Shion is. Nezumi believes he is to blame for everything, and the weight of the guilt he feels is indescribable.

By the time they get to Safu, Nezumi outright refuses to let Shion do anything, going so far as to drag him by force to the elevator, knowing it is too late to rescue Safu. Shion, through his grief, blames Nezumi for what happens to Safu, claiming he used her and used him to destroy No.6. Nezumi plays his part well, and pretends that this is the truth, saying he never believed Safu was alive, which is a lie. He says he deceived Shion, and used him and sacrificed his mind for the destruction of the government, which is also not the whole truth. Nezumi thinks: “Really? Can you really not understand? You’re a liar, Shion. You do get it. You understand every single word. And you’ll never forgive me. You’ll lose faith in me and loathe me. Or would you-“

Nezumi WANTS Shion to love him, and also hate him at the same time. He wants Shion to take his anger out on him. He wants to self sabotage their relationship, and MAKE Shion hate him, by playing a false role, by pretending to be someone he is not. Even when Nezumi tries to shoulder blame that is not his, his true self shines through under the facaude. Nezumi, a character who used to preach that he would only ever fight for himself, now takes a bullet for Shion, trying to sacrifice himself for him. Going directly against everything he has ever believed in.

By the end of the novel, Nezumi, having come back from the brink of Death, and having gone against all of his previous rules, confesses to Shion that Shion scares him. He is terrified of Shion, or more specifically, of Shion’s love, because it is mutual. Nezumi is in love with him. Nezumi’s love for Shion is in fact so strong, that Nezumi was willing and ready to die with and for Shion multiple times during the Correctional Facility, and many times prior, as well. He’s scared of the way loving someone makes him feel. He’s scared of how it almost got him killed many times, and it would have, had Shion not saved him. He leaves not because of Shion, but because of himself. Nezumi does not understand how to express his love in a proper and healthy way - it’s completely foreign to him. The boy is so traumatized that he’s spent the entire novel both half afraid of and half crazing and actively seeking love. I find it strange when people ask or think that there’s a possibility Nezumi doesn’t love Shion, when his actions so clearly say otherwise. I suspect Nezumi feels unworthy of Shion loving him as well, considering his tendency to self sabotage. I think that Nezumi is very self aware, and by the end of the novel, very in touch with his own emotions. He understands that he must change, and only then can he come back to Shion properly. He understands that who he is currently is not suited for a relationship, and so he makes the maturest call he has in the entire story, by leaving. He kisses Shion, promising to come back once he is ready, reassuring not only us but Shion that he really truly does love him.

Shion had thought that Nezumi was the one who illuminated him completely. That everything became much clearer with him by his side. That “by his hands, I was melted, wrought anew, and instilled with new life.” I find this line to be most applicable to Nezumi, as Shion has instilled him with new life, a new perspective, leaving him forever changed by the love shared and experienced. A line from Safu comes to mind as well, “You feel the same way I do, don’t you? You’re glad you were able to know. You wouldn’t be able to live anymore without knowing what yearning and love is like.”

#no.6 #nezushi #nezumi #shion #analysis #no.6 analysis #nezushi analysis #text #novel #quotes #i shot myself dead writing this

[alivingstillness]

Divine desire - a non-dual view

“There is no doubt that I am that God who is the Self of all; Pure, indivisible, like the sky. Naturally stainless.” - The Avadhoota Gita.

From un-manifest to manifest. Unity without union. All is sprung from the same source, that is Brahman with his ever shining formless and all-pervasive grace. Everything that is contained inside and outside of our universe also lies as latent forces of infinite possibility within the God-Self. When we experience ourselves as the eternal witnessing awareness behind superimposition of the senses, we drop engagements with changing surroundings and bring ourselves closer to the realization of our infinite divinity abiding as Self.

Like the jewel in the lotus, the Self is found in the path of wisdom and as Vilāya (dissolution) of it. It is untainted consciousness that contains everyone, every being and non-being, everywhere, anywhere. It is pure beingness holding within itself all our individual sorrow, happiness, pain and love.

There is no experience for anyone or anything that is not contained within the Self-consciousness, meaning that all that is created within and from it is also itself, pure Self-consciousness. God as God - Self as Self. In it there can ultimately be no contact or relationship between one and the other because it is to its very core one and the same. It is a union without divisions to unite, for it contains all.

If there were to be a comparison to this divine union, it would be that of the boundaryless love between two beings where the one is dissolved in the two as the none. Let us say then that love lies behind and within all of life, form, experience etc. that we may perceive.

Now for this consciousness that is always resting as infinite aware Self, to simultaneously be having dual experiences as; me, you, dog, anger, stone, water, ..well anything that is, it must be so, that within all possibilities that are contained within human perception, they are also perceived within pure eternal Self.

“Desire is a root cause for suffering.” -The Buddha

Desire, however it may or may not play out, is an indication that something can be fulfilled by something else. In the same way as a girl might desire approval and recognition from her parents, a man who feels unfulfilled in his relationship might desire another lover. We may for example desire for pain to disappear or for food to give us bliss. Desire implies wanting to change. And change implies that there is something that can be changed. In a similar way creation itself contains opposites or polarities. We can think of atoms, magnetic fields, men and women. In creation there is movement and exchange between negative and positive forces that together create a new intertwined field of existence. But let us not lose ourselves completely in this concept of creation for we have to keep in mind that there is something that not only underlies positive and negative force, but that is the very content of both. Again, all is both within and acting as one and the same love-consciousness-Self. But there is also the perceived reality that Self, when veiling itself with itself, (even though it is still pure undivided and untainted consciousness), also contains that which is unconscious and unconsciousness does not seem to be conscious.

Remember that the Self-consciousness is the witness that is stillness itself, in and beyond the change or movement. Resting as pure being like a mind that is perfectly still and free from sense-expression or invested in perceived feelings. When experience just IS as it is with no judging whatsoever, just as pure beingness-awareness, in the background to what is occurring in non-aware perception, then we are no longer in what can be experienced as a state of meditation. For this witnessing background is the only state, therefore it is not something we are coming in or out of. It is always isness and it is not separate from anything else. It is Us untainted by change or memory, beyond mental engagement. It is the “I am” and it is also prior to I am. Then experience cannot be experiential because there is nothing to compare with if you are abiding as and in the being (here) right now. Rest in that pure being. 

Trust is acceptance

It is necessary to mention that while we can investigate the meaning of desire and our natural state of no desire, it is important to be present and accepting of all that is worldly. While recognizing what makes us uncomfortable or longing for change, one has to be careful in noticing the subtle but grand difference between wanting to surrender and surrender itself acting effortlessly on its own accord. Paths towards true yoga (union), and the effort that is invested towards it, are not to be disregarded. Quite the opposite, since we are looking out from our personal windows of perception, some will benefit greatly from being a jnani and some need the path of the Raja yogi. There are many paths towards realization and none of them are incorrect, for even though there exist many, they all in some way or another lead to surrendering to the Self. In the end of our searching all effort and the path itself dissolves. But as a child learns to crawl before it walks, the creation of the abyss and the crossing of it is as true and of God as God himself. 

Though you might not be able to drop everything at once and live in full acceptance immediately, there is the possibility to notice your mechanism and trust the present. At any moment when there is a desire to change, look at its content and its nature. As if you were zooming out the lens of a camera, remember your true Self, who at any given moment is here and beyond. Notice the eternal witness to be yourself and you will soon have gone straight to source, simply and effortlessly. When you have found yourself in the housing of your own being, there is only love. And the doer in your life-experience is no longer personal, there is no more gain or loss that can change who you truly are. You simply are.

If you want to become full, let yourself be empty. If you want to be reborn, let yourself die. If you want to be given everything, give everything up. -Lao Tzu

When abiding in love, any act of will is an act of love. When the mind resides in heart, our personal orbit will take new shapes that resonate with and through our stateless state. An alchemical marriage that shatters the inherent concepts of duality. Within our dual perception there is comparison, it is a natural effect of it, but when you let go of comparing, there is just the experience, untainted by good or bad. This is acceptance and it is what makes acceptance effortless. Comparison also lies within desire and desire lies within comparison. It is not necessary to never want or need but there lies magic in acceptance and the knowing of who is needing. Think not of tomorrow or yesterday, if they appear, accept them now. Do not desire to stop you from desiring, simply dissolve it with the love that is its very source.

“What is imagined and willed becomes actuality -

here lies the danger as well as the way out.” 

- Nisargadatta Maharaj

Desire itself causes our very true state-less self to experience itself as a separate being in a world of change and duality, driven by our own nature of creation. If you are to notice what liberation or awakening to oneself might mean, then do not desire in search of an outcome imagined by the construct of a finite mind. Do not try to change the changeless, look at your pain, feel your sorrow and your love, but do not judge. Things will naturally become more still and acceptance will lead to surrender. You do not need anything.

If you know the divine that you are and will always be, then there are no others and nothing that is not you. If you know this, desire itself will cease and you will be to all and every experience as you truly are - whole and loving infinity, with the possible play of a child, curious and accepting to all experience as the non-experience.

“Only now are you going your way to greatness. Peak and abyss, they are now joined together, for all things are baptized in a well of eternity, and lie beyond good and evil” -Friedrich Nietzsche

OM Brahma OM

/ Alexandra.

#consiousness #brahma #universe #desire #will

[hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger]

Spider-Man: Life Story #4 Thoughts

*graons*

Positives out of the way.

Bagley’s art+Bagley’s rendition of Morlun+the armoured looks of some of Tony’s squad.

Okay now onto the negatives.

I think I might’ve figured out what the REAL premise of Life Story is.

‘What if Spider-Man didn’t have the illusion of change and therefore everything was terrible so readers will now just accept the illusion of change forever’.

Seriously that makes the most sense at this point.

The illusion of change isn’t there and so everyone ages and everything falls to shit.

Spider-Man gets divorced, his child dies, his brother dies, etc.

But if that wasn’t the point then Zdarsky continues to make Life Story a total clown show.

He is consistent in only the following regards.

a)      Events from Spider-Man history happen randomly differently from how they happened in canon even though that wasn’t how the series was advertised to us

b)      Superheroes have a more realistic impact upon the real world except not really, it’s basically as realistic as Zdarsky wants it to be because fuck world building and consistency I guess

c)       Real life history is toxically inconsistent within the context of a world of heroes where things are different

d)      The story is inconsistent even in and of itself

e)      Peter Parker is an irresponsible, dumb asshole

f)       Various elements of the story have no intersection with one another. Remember how Flash died in Vietnam and this had...nothing to do with Miles Warren cloning Gwen????

Lets kick off with two things that can be looked at as bad points of the story but arguably forgivable...arguably.

So firstly...Morlun is in this story and then dies!

Ummmmmmmmmmmmm...Wasn’t there not one but TWO massive Spider-Man event crossovers (one as recent as LAST YEAR) which firmly establish that there is in fact just one version of Morlun in the entire Multiverse? This story is royally contradicting that. Now in fairness...that was always bullshit because we have had What Ifs and other alternate universe stories before Spider-Verse clearly depicting more than one Morlun in the multiverse.

Secondly...Civil War....fucking Civil War.

I loathe and despise the original Civil War storyline from 2006. You guys have no idea how much I honestly wish that story never existed.

A big part of that is how it wrecks the verisimilitude of the Marvel universe before and after it. Civil War was unsustainable as a status quo shift long term for the Marvel Universe and it made no sense given it’s established history. It took the realism of superheroes too far and consequently forced writers and readers to wilfully ignore it after it was done so things could go back to normal. If you do a Civil War style story it needs to either be set in an AU or end your universe and that’s it. A change of pace simply cannot work without wrecking everything.

So seeing it again is gross buuuuuuuuut, given Life Story’s mission statement of taking things more realistically and being an AU itself it actually fits better in this story than in 616 Spider-Man. The same can be said of Spider-Man’s identity being unmasked although this too wrecks the idea that this is Spider-Man aging in real time. If it was about that then the ramifications of the unmasking wouldn’t stick around any more than they did in 616, because that had nothing to do with a sliding timeline or whatever.

However the idea of Civil War fitting better in Life Story because it’s more realistic is utterly destroyed when you consider that in this universe where superheroes have a more realistic impact upon the world, where the military has Tony Stark level weaponry, where intangible nuclear missiles are a thing...9/11 still happened...

...I’m going to repeat that.

In a world where there has been near Star Trek level technology since the 1960s...a handful of terrorists with conventional weapons (not even the most high tech weapons and technology available in the real world in 2001!) are able to fool airport security, hijack some planes and destroy the Twin Towers...in New York city...where ALL THE SUPERHEROES LIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Look...in the Marvel or DC universes 9/11 happened. You can choose to interpret the 9/11 Spider-Man issue as canon or not canon, but it is a fact Spider-Man lives in a world where the 9/11 disaster happened. He didn’t stop it, the Avengers didn’t stop it, the Fantastic Four didn’t stop it.

Even though they definitely could have. Collectively all the superheroes of New York have weapons, technology and resources which would’ve enabled them to have intelligence on the hijackings, possibly before they even happened, probably during the hijackings and definitely as the planes were incoming. And they sure as hell had the ability to avert the disaster.

Are you telling me Al Quaeda could trick or stall or fend off the Avengers! Get the fuck out of here no they couldn’t.

The reason that 9/11 still canonically happened in the Marvel universe is simple. The Marvel universe’s realism doesn’t stretch so far as contorting the real world into something unrecognizable to the world of today. The Marvel universe has always been our world but superheroes are there. Their realistic social, political, economic and philosophical impact though isn’t. It’s why Christianity is still the dominant religion in Marvel’s America even though Thor is a thing. 9/11 being such a globally changing event means that the Marvel universe needed to retain it occurring in order to continue to reflect a relatable world to the readers.

More poignantly, just how during WWII superheroes didn’t simply end the conflict by flying into Germany and killing Hitler, to have had superheroes realistically avert 9/11 as they could have would’ve been deeply insulting and disrespectful to the real life witnesses and victims of the tragedy and their loved ones.

Zdarsky didn’t have that constraint though. He could’ve imposed it on his story had he wanted but just as with so much of the real world history his grossly mishandles (a reminder everything after issue #3 is bullshit because the world should’ve been consumed in nuclear Armageddon) he cherry picks what will and won’t be affected by superheroes existing and whether their effects will be realistically and logical or if they’ll be...whatever he randomly wants.

Case in point superheroes existing means nuclear missiles are intangible now, but superheroes existing doesn’t mean airport security is any different from what it was in 2001!

*head desk*

The ONLY way 9/11 happens in this Marvel universe is if like HYDRA did it instead of Al Quaeda or if the latter had backing from super villains.

But just like with all the altered real world history Zdarsky doesn’t explain anything. He’s lazy as a world builder. Thus we’re left to presume 9/11 happened as it did in the real world even though Tony Stark has already created technology that ended the Cold War by America beating Russia’s ass.

I mean for fuck’s sake, GALACTUS has invaded Earth and New York specifically, you telling me Tony or Reed or Hank Pym or someone hasn’t created at least some sort of alarm system to alert them to incoming threats. WTF was Doctor Strange doing!

Let’s stick to Tony for the moment. So in this issue...he’s the villain. He’s been on the wrong side ever since issue #1 really. This is another case of something bad that is arguably defendable.

See back in Civil War if you were reading Spider-Man you experienced a Tale of Two Tony’s (not my turn of phrase by the way I stole that).

You didn’t need to read Spider-Man to follow the main Civil War book but if you were reading Spider-Man you did need to read the main CW book to follow the story as pivotal events happened in the latter that were then followed up upon in the former. The most famous example would be Spider-Man unmasking which was only built up to in ASM but actually depicted in Civil War #2. However another more relevant example would be how when Spidey decided to switch sides Tony attacked him in ASM and was clearly painted as outright villainous, but then the action continued into the main Civil War book where Tony was written more conflicted and sympathetic, before the action cut back to ASM where he was very much a villain. The characterization wasn’t consistent at all, and the Spider books were not alone in this. Sue Richards’ break up with Reed happened very differently in the pages of Fantastic Four than they did in Civil War.

This is relevant to Life Story because the Tony in this book is very much the Tony of ASM era Civil War, the villain on the side of the law and the fact that Zdarsky planted the seeds for this back in issue #1 is I will admit commendable. Too bad it took until issue #4 for him and Peter to interact but whatever. I also confess that seeing the polar opposite of the Iron Dad relationship gives me life at the moment.

However given how Zdarsky’s convoluted M.O. with this book seems to be to reflect a wider real time aging Marvel Universe and not just Spider-Man’s story this characterization is fundamentally broken. Because Iron Man...was totally out of character in Civil War. Even in the main series where he was written more sympathetic he was out of character and in ASM it was truly ridiculous. So Zdarsky is again being inconsistent and terrible at characterization. He’s even being awful in how the story tries to remix elements from the 2000s era Spider-Man regarding Tony (and other stuff we’ll get to).

If you are going to factor in Peter’s unmasking and Iron Man into this story shouldn’t the once friendly relationship they had or his Avengers membership play a factor? I mean Spidey being an Avenger was such a huge deal in the 2000s that when Marvel made variant covers for his 50th anniversary showcasing something from every decade of Spidey his being an Avenger was used to represent the 2000s.

Getting back to the Civil War elements though, something mind boggling is that Iron Fist is on the pro-registration side when he was very much NOT in the real Civil War event. Making this matter worse is his best friend Luke Cage being on the anti-registration side. Even without giving anyone any lines Zdarsky srews up characterization. Compounding this is Iron Man’s claims that young heroes fell in line with the registration act...what?

Let’s ignore how bowing to the government isn’t typically what teens like to do...you telling me that the opinions of most teenage heroes was to sign up with the government? Bullshit, even in the original story their views were more mixed. There is also the implication that somehow...9/11 was the thing that prompted the SHRA...hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow??????????????????????????????

Finally Tony tells Peter he could be arrested for not registering with the government that he was a hero because...his spider sense is like insider trading.

I need to explain how stupid this is.

To begin with the SHRA wasn’t enforced when Peter was running Parker Industries so he was literally not breaking the law. If a law is passed that wearing a watch is illegal you can’t go to prison because prior to that law’s passage you wore a watch.

Secondly...no....no the Spider Sense is really not like insider trading at all. Let’s presume it could warn him about dangerous business deals...that’s not insider trading at all, that’s literally Peter having better business instincts than everyone else. That’s not cheating or illegal it’s just having a natural advantage over other people.

Thirdly...Captain America is leading a resistance group....again.

This is the dumbest damn idea in the original Civil War story and for some reason even though Zdarsky wants this series to be ‘more realistic’ he replicates that stupidity.

Captain America’s plan in the original Civil War boiled down to going on the run, recruiting other superheroes, attacking the registered heroes and then....somehow this would repeal a law designed to keep heroes in check.

Let’s say that this is a more realistic world and the Registration act is totally reasonable. Putting aside how framing it as a bad thing does not then make any damn sense, Captain America’s method for fixing the problem is utterly nonsensical, especially for a guy who could be president by merely running for office. He’s Captain America for God’s sake he’d win and could repeal the law from within!

The final problem with this plotline in the issue is how it really has NOTHING to do with the other plotline, and how t weirdly hijacks the issue and becomes the main plotline when initially the book presented something else as the main thrust of the story; not the first time Zdarsky has basically superglued two plotlines together even though they have little-nothing to do with one another

That thing of course was Morlun. This opens up a whole other can of stupid we need to talk about.

So first of all Morlun shows up in 2006 not 2001, further fucking up the idea this is Spider-Man aging in real time. Morlun DID appear in a 2006 story of course, the Other, but that was his return not his debut. Why is Morlun debuting 5 years later than he should be? Because Zdarsky wants to include the most famous villain who debuted in the 2000s but actually wants to make the story about Civil War which did happen in 2006 that’s why.

Speaking of Morlun, I might be wrong here but...a fucking tree? That’s how he dies? I’m not even complaining he doesn’t come back in a clone body, I’m talking strictly about how a tree stabs him like he’s Mystique in Dark Phoenix. Maybe I’m wrong but I’m preeeetty sure he could survive that unless Life Story’s Morlun is pathetically weaker than his mainstream counterpart.*

More egregiously is Peter’s handling of Morlun. He explains Ezekiel showed up to warn him about Morlun’s coming.

In the original story these two events happened close together, Morlun appeared shortly after Ezekiel’s warning. Let’s say we let Zdarsky slide on the timeframe and even the fact that Morlun actually was looking for Ezekiel not Peter...why did Peter do nothing about this warning.

In the original story Ezekiel offers Peter a bunker to hide out in. Presumably he did the same in Life Story. But instead of taking advantage of this or warning Ben Reilly or his potentially spider empowered children Peter...ignores him?

WHY?!

Peter didn’t disbelieve Ezekiel, he just rejected his offer of sanctuary because he had responsibilities to live up to. In this story Peter has even bigger responsibilities and a family potentially at risk and he just...did nothing?

And low and behold his elderly wife and daughter have to flee for their lives whilst he dicks around in New York and his brother and son straight up DIE.

That’s 3/3 relatives named Ben who are dead because he was a selfish dickhead!

And before we dive into Peter’s character I just want to take a moment and lament how piss poorly Mary Jane has been treated this whole story.

Issue #1: She is little more than a background character

Issue #2: She is totally out of character, and just drunkenly yells unreasonably at Peter then gets unreasonably yelled at by him

Issue #3: She gets shit on by Peter, inadvertently Aunt May and is left being pregnant and giving birth to twins with a senile old health hazard for company, then gets yelled at for suggesting getting her health, then is tasked with going out alone in a dark and stormy night to potentially kill her super powered husband

Issue #4: She shows up at the end and just welcomes him back as her husband and the father of her kids no questions asked apparently

Issue #5: We continue to never get a word about how she feels about their general lives, of Peter and her reconciliation, of their children. She just waits and worries in front of the TV or runs away from Morlun. How the Hell does her daughter get more agency in this one issue than she has pretty much this whole series?

Anyway back to Peter....yeah this is not Peter Parker.

You know how Peter Parker is all about with great power there comes great responsibility....well Life Story Peter Parker totally isn’t.

He abandons his company, employees and superhero duties to an untrained, underprepared, equally old clone of himself who has to quickly learn how to pretend to be him, how to run a company and fight more experienced super villains whilst fending off a corporate takeover by the secretary of defence for the United States of America. And then he gets murdered by an indestructible (except to wood) mystic vampire that Peter neglected to mention to him.

Ben Reilly DIED directly because Peter was an idiot.

And selfish, don’t forget that. He moved his family out into the woods in a secluded area so that he wouldn’t interact with too many people and thus not feel the need to intervene. Let’s ignore how he was able to resist this urge in Spider-Girl for a moment. You are telling me Peter Parker abandoned his great responsibility by finding basically doing the equivalent of sticking his fingers in his ears, closing his eyes and yelling “lalalalalala If I can’t see or hear anyone in trouble I can’t be responsible for not helping them lalalala”

FUCK OFF ZDARSKY!

This is toxically against the entire premise of the character at this point and getting older wouldn’t change that. Apparently all it took to snap him out of this funk was Ben Reilly dying and a pep talk from his friggin teenage daughter!

All in all this is another beautifully drawn shit show of an issue in a string of beautifully drawn shit show issues.

*Oh and let’s not forget that Morlun just...knows where the fuck Peter lives. That isn’t one of his powers. He needs to make contact with his target in order to track them down anywhere they go. He can’t just generally sniff them out. It doesn’t even make sense if he was tracking his kids.

Not to mention this story claims you can hurt Morlun when he’s feeding. But that’s not his weakness. Radiation is something he’s vulnerable to. If you can just kill him or the Inheritors by attacking when they are feeding then Spider-Verse and Spider-Geddon wouldn’t have been as dangerous it’s not that difficult to kill them.

#Spider-Man #chip zdarsky #mark bagley #Peter Parker #Ben Reilly #Iron Man #Tony Stark #Morlun #Ezekiel Sims #Civil War #Civil War 2006 #Marvel Civil War #avengers #Captain America

[nadziejastar]

Poppet…? Apparently, that meant Xion. But what resemblance was he referring to? Xion was just as much a puppet as ever.

Saïx had no time for all these deliberately oblique remarks from Xigbar. “Nonsense. I see no problem whatsoever.”

Xigbar only laughed louder. “Pa-ha-ha! No, apparently you don’t!”

“Something you find amusing?”

“Oh, the things you hear from a guy with no heart,” Xigbar said through his hilarity.

Yes, I couldn’t agree more. I recently saw a forum topic about KH3 that said Saïx was just a one-dimensional asshole for no reason in Days and it made me kinda sad. I think he had a LOT of depth to his character---it just wasn’t actually explored (like so many other things). I already did posts on Axel and Zexion. I’ve been meaning to write a post about what losing his heart at a young age did to Saïx. He and Xigbar had a very interesting relationship which I was really excited to learn more about. But it looks like we probably won’t get that opportunity. It’s clear that Xigbar saw Saïx as nothing more than a helpless kid.

Day 117: Special Nobodies

Today it was me and Xigbar. Axel and Xion went out on their own mission. Xigbar told me that Xion and me are "exceptional"—you know, like, special Nobodies. Because we can use the Keyblade? Work dragged on late, so I didn't make it up to the clock tower. I wonder if Xion and Axel made it. Those pictures started flashing through my head again on the mission. The boy in red... What's it all about? Maybe when Xigbar called me "special" he meant "crazy"...Seriously, though, is Xion experiencing the same thing? It feels weird to ask.

Day 117 ~Secrets~ is about special Nobodies, the only Nobodies who can join the organization and remember who they were as humans. Xigbar and Roxas went to gather intel on Hercules. When Saïx told Axel he had to go back to Castle Oblivion, he was thinking that Nobodies have goals and are able to think. It seemed to be hinting that Saïx’s shared goal isn’t really with Axel, but with Xemnas---whether Saïx realized it or not.

Day 117: Him and Roxas

Author: Xigbar

Roxas is maturing at an impressive rate. His face, the way he handles the Keyblade, it's all exactly the same. The worlds seem so divided and alone, but there's always that steady thread there to connect them. And we Nobodies can never escape the things we did as humans. So it goes.

And Xigbar was remembering Ventus on this day. That’s one of his dark secrets.

Day 118: Vacation

Today was my first vacation ever. I didn’t know what to do with it. Axel said to do what I like, but all I like is having ice cream with my friends—so that’s what I ended up doing. Axel leaves tomorrow for some kind of mission. Which reminds me—I still haven’t given him the WINNER stick yet.

Before Axel left for Castle Oblivion, it was a day off. Specifically meaning NO WORK. It was called “Lazy Day”.

Day 118: You Changed, Not Me

Author: Axel

Talking to Roxas and Xion always brings back memories of my human life, back when I was a kid. It's a weird sensation.I ought to be able to share all this with Saïx, but I just don't feel like it anymore. It's strange, but I'm content with just missing what's gone. I'm not the one who changed. You did.

This is the day Axel mentioned his dark secrets. And he also mentioned Saïx had changed. If anything, I think Isa was the one who enjoyed lazing about doing nothing the most. He just liked relaxing and eating ice cream. He was probably the polar opposite of the harsh drill instructor that his Nobody is.

“What a pain,” Axel muttered, and he looked up at the ceiling.

I’ve been holed up here with nothing but dusks for company for a few days, and now I’m talking to myself. This castle, devoid of people, is under the control of subordinate Nobodies. Subordinate Nobodies follow orders loyally, but they can’t do any more than that. The biggest difference between them and Organisation member Nobodies is that we can think for ourselves… Well, I wonder what ‘thought’ is, anyway. What’s the connection between ‘thought’ and the heart?

“Argh this is such a pain…”

Axel scratched his head, and continued searching the castle.

Special Nobodies are also the only ones capable of independent thought. Axel was thinking about this while he was at Castle Oblivion. “Thought” has a connection to the heart. 

Xemnas: Once born, the heart can also be nurtured. Our experiments creating Heartless were attempts to control the mind, and convince it to renounce its sense of self. But understand, one can banish the heart from the body, but the body will try to replace it the first chance it gets, for as many times as it takes.

The idea was probably that controlling the mind is the key to controlling the heart. If you can get the mind to renounce its sense of self, then there will be no way for the person to resist their heart being taken over.

Day 119: Something to Protect

Axel has been gone forever. It's been just me and Xion at the clock tower. While me and Xaldin explored Beast's Castle, we found something he wants to protect... Xaldin says that's a weakness, but I'm not so sure. What does it mean to care about something that much? I don't, so it's hard to wrap my head around the whole idea.

The day Xigbar teased Saïx while praising Xion was Day 119 ~Work to Do~. This is the day Axel left for Castle Oblivion. Xigbar and Roxas were gathering intel on Hercules on Day 117. Herc was also special and a potential candidate for the Organization.

Day 119: Hearts and Emotion

Author: Xaldin

Watching that foolish beast flail about only deepens my disdain for humans and their incessant need to be pinned down by feelings.We became Nobodies precisely to avoid the shackles of emotion. It was only later that we realized the scale of that loss: that some things simply cannot be done without a heart. Nonetheless, I see nary a pleasant thing about it.

Xaldin and Roxas had a mission to gather intel on the Beast. They found out his weakness which would make his heart a captive. Then Xaldin said their work was done.

He didn’t really understand the ‘reward’ part, except that it was ice cream. Like Winner, though, it meant something special. So when Axel came back, Roxas would use the freebie as a ‘reward’. Xion, eating ice cream beside him, swung her feet.

“You two are really close, aren’t you,” she said.

The first time Roxas treated Xion to ice cream, she said he and Axel were really close. Xion was swinging her feet.

“Oh, hey, I just remembered…” Axel idly kicked his dangling feet against the ledge. “Did you guys know you should be checking your ice cream sticks?”

“Well… it is winning after all, so it has to be something good, right?”

“Something good…?” Roxas asked.

“Hee hee hee…,” Xion laughed. Roxas and Axel looked at her. “The two of you are close, aren’t you?” she said, and then she looked out at the setting sun. “Such a pretty sunset…”

She also said it on Day 352 ~Sunset~, when the WINNER stick was brought up again, and Roxas and Xion almost killed each other. Axel was dangling his feet like a kid.

“Axel, Axel… you two are quite the pals, aren’t you? Wonder what you two whisper about,” Xigbar shot, jiggling his crossed leg.

“Now you’ve mentioned it, I wonder the same about you”, Saïx retorted, and the tension was so thick it was hard to breathe.

“We have but one objective,” said Xemnas. “Be sure to keep that in mind.”

And on Day 119, Xigbar said something similar about Axel and Saïx. And his leg was jiggling, too. Then Xemnas told them they have one objective and to keep it in mind. They are all Norts, after all.

Xemnas turned to Saïx. “Tell me your progress.”

“Our plans are proceeding as well as might be expected,” said Saïx. “Axel left for Castle Oblivion this morning.”

“Our little Poppet sure is a wonder,” Xigbar remarked, and a vicious smirk came to his face. “It’s a shame we don’t have Vexen around to follow her.”

“The Organization still has his technical expertise, as he notated and saved everything,” Saïx replied, utterly unfazed. “We’re not facing any difficulties in that regard.”

“And? When those difficulties do arise?” Xaldin, his arms folded from the start, regarded Saïx with disdain. 

During this meeting, Xaldin and Xigbar were upset because they blamed Saïx for Vexen’s demise.

“Right, I forgot, the kid did it,” Xigbar echoed with a heavy dose of accusatory sarcasm.

Saïx ignored this and continued. “Axel will be searching Castle Oblivion for any clues as well.”

“Oh, so Axel’s on the case.” Xigbar crossed his legs and leaned his elbows on them.

Saïx let out a deep sigh, the first semblance of a reaction he’d given this entire meeting. “We have not confirmed what happened to any spare cloaks in the possession of the members who were stationed at Castle Oblivion. Axel will also be looking into that.”

Saïx refused to show any semblance of reaction in front of them. After this meeting he gave the order for Xion to capture Riku, and he started to become extremely harsh on her. Way more than usual.

“Lately it’s been rare that you would go out of your way to come to me, that’s what I mean.”

“I have something to ask you, for a change.”

“Hilarious,” said Saïx. He’s being sarcastic… Joking, in other words.

Saïx had made up his mind not to say such things in front of the other Organization members. It was something he could only be towards Axel, something special that could only have been born from the relationship Saïx and Axel had had as humans.

I found it interesting how his interaction later with Axel was similar to the meeting on Day 119. Unlike with the others, Saïx shows Axel the "joking” side of his personality. He can act in a way around him that he can’t with anyone else and it’s special.

“Is it about the failure?”

Axel shrugged. “Mind reader, are we?”

“It’s because you’re simple, see… That hasn’t changed.”

“Excuse me? Were you always such a jerk?” Axel retorted, taking a seat on a shelf across from Saïx.

“Don’t sit on that.”

“Then put another chair in here.” He let his legs swing, the way he would sit at the usual spot.

“Somehow, I doubt that would stop you,” said Saïx. “Anyway, I’m not going to talk to you about it.”

Axel is a “mind reader”, but in a benign way compared to Xemnas. And Axel was swinging his legs restlessly like a kid when he was with Saïx.

“Hey. She has a name, you know.”

“I told you to stay out of this.” Saïx swiveled his chair, turning his back on Axel to end the conversation.

Axel stared at the stubborn set of his shoulders. Both of them had changed.

“Wonder which one of us is more different now,” Axel said under his breath. Just for an instant, he saw a twitch in Saïx’s shoulders. But he wasn’t about to hold his breath for more. Axel showed himself out.

Axel would always try to appeal to Saïx by bringing up their past. Axel was trying to get Saïx to go easier on Xion and I thought it was interesting that he said she had a name.

Secret Report 1: Recollections

I could not even recall my name. I was simply called "X" there. My only solace was the time I spent talking with the two boys who would visit from time to time. One day, a man came to take me from the prison. I could not see him for the darkness, save that he wore an eyepatch.

I think Isa was Subject X and treated like a lab rat. And Subject X was definitely not called by their name. Subject X was treated like an “it” and an object. Specifically, a vessel. Nomura called Seekers of Darkness “raw material” for the X-Blade. It wouldn’t surprise me if Isa was literally called an “it”. I think Axel was probably aware of how Isa was treated to some degree and it really, really upset him. It’s why he didn’t care one bit about killing Vexen. Saïx also treats people as tools that are only worthy to live if they serve any use. 

If you cannot wield the Keyblade to its purpose, you have no place in the Organization. Keep that in mind and make sure to eliminate Heartless with the Keyblade.”

“…I see. I’ll be more careful,” she replied.

It’s kind of creepy how Saïx would tell people to “keep it in mind”. Especially because Xemnas would always say that to him.

“You’d better. It’s part of your work,” said Saïx. “You know you need proper rest to carry out missions.”

“Sorry… I’ll find the impostor today.” Since two days ago, she’d been covering double ground, searching two worlds in one day. But she still hadn’t found any clues. Meanwhile, Saïx had no sympathy for her.

“You are to discover the identity of the outsider,” he told her. “Those are direct orders from Lord Xemnas. Failure is the same as insubordination. You understand that, don’t you?”

“Wha…?” Xion had no idea that Xemnas had chosen her for this mission. To the best of her knowledge, Saïx was the one in charge of assigning tasks.

“I assume I’ve made myself clear. Keep looking.” With that, Saïx turned his back on her and left. Xion stood alone in the vast lobby.

After that meeting he even brought up Xemnas to scare Xion.

Roxas stepped into a world he’d never been to before—Halloween Town, a strange shadowy world, with a fat, round moon hanging in the dark sky. Lamps burned faintly here and there, too, but they didn’t give nearly enough light to dispel the ominous gloom. “What a weird place…”

It was also empty. He didn’t see any of the world’s inhabitants. After a bit, he came to an open square and found an odd mechanism.

“What is this?” As Roxas peered up at it, something came hurtling down toward his face. “Whoa!”

What fell was a blade heavy enough to cleave someone in two.

“Geez, that thing’s dangerous… Why would they put it out here like this?” He looked askance at the device as bats fluttered overhead.

Day 149 is actually called “Unlike Minds”. This is the first day Roxas visits Halloween Town. I think Halloween Town is probably a thematic representation of the experiments on the darkness of the heart and the mind control experiments. Halloween Town is a graveyard (which is what Xigbar called the Chamber of Repose) that is based on the concept of terrifying people. There’s also a giant full moon in the sky.

Day 149: WINNER

Today’s mission took me to a new world. It was a weird place. I was up on the clock tower afterwards when Axel turned up after being away forever. He said he finished that long mission. But this time Xion didn’t show. I was gonna give Axel that WINNER stick, but I should wait until I get another one. It wouldn’t be fair to leave Xion out.

Axel comes back from Castle Oblivion on this very day.

Day 149: He’s the Sham

Author: Xion

That man wearing the Organization’s coat—that jerk! He’s too powerful. I can’t beat him unless I get stronger. And I’m not a sham. I’M NOT. He is. He’s the one pretending to be something he isn’t!

Xion loses to Riku and he calls her a sham, and a fake.

Today’s investigation took Axel to a world called Halloween Town. Roxas had been here a few days ago, too, but for Axel this was the first visit. Us Organization members should blend right in here, he thought in the unrelenting gloom.

Afterwards, Axel also gets sent to Halloween Town to look for Riku, and he thinks it suits the organization well.

Finkelstein: Interesting! So the puppet wasn't stolen after all! It ran away on its own! In other words, my experiment was an overwhelming success!

Sora: Santa Claus thinks maybe it left because it was trying to find a heart.

Finkelstein: That's quite possible. Unlike my Sally, it wasn't equipped with a heart.

Sora: But if it wanted a heart, why was it going around stealing all those Christmas presents?

Sally: Maybe because...presents are a way to give your heart to someone special.

I think Halloween Town was chosen as a world in Days for several reasons. In addition to fear, the story being built up involved experimentation and a puppet that wanted a heart.

Sora: Jack, it's not about the box or the ribbons. It's about what's inside the box!

Sally: No, Sora. What really counts---what's really special---is the act of giving the gift. To wish deep in your heart to make someone else happy.

On Day 149, Roxas was considering giving Axel the WINNER stick. When Roxas and Xion almost killed each other, it also happens in Halloween Town. And Roxas almost gave it to him again after that.

Jack: Oh, Sally! You've given me the nicest present in the world! And I've nothing to give you in return. What would you like? Just name it. Absolutely anything.

Sally: The nicest present I could ever ask for, Jack, is just to be with you.

I think the WINNER stick was something that Isa gave Lea as a human. And it pretty much was the equivalent of the presents the puppet was trying to steal. It isn’t objectively valuable, but it represents spending time together. It’s possible Isa gave that stick to Lea to thank him for everything, knowing that he wouldn’t live long enough to treat him to ice cream ever again in person. 

Today he had to destroy Roxas. He couldn’t betray the Organisation. Axel took a white envelope from the small shelf by his pillow, and stared at it for a while. And then he put it in his pocket, got up, and left the room.

In the KH2 novel, Axel was looking at this stick when he decided he had to destroy Roxas.

It’s possible that this is the last time I’ll see Saïx, Axel thought, as he looked at Saïx, who was sitting down, from behind. “We’ve been going together a pretty long time, hey.” Saïx kept tapping at the keyboard, as if ignoring Axel. “Say something. Didn’t you think I can’t extinguish Roxas?” Axel said jokingly, and Saïx looked up. “It’s all right. 'cuz I’m strong.” “Saying stupid things,” said Saïx, smiling for just a second at Axel, pulling at his chest. “Hurry and prepare. Time is limited. The hero’s awakening is imminent. Transfer right before Roxas.”

After he made this decision, he tried to bond with Saïx, thinking it might be the last time he ever saw him again. Axel was obviously very sentimental about the WINNER stick long before Roxas gave one to him. Of course, he couldn’t actually destroy Roxas.

Halloween Town was a dismal place, full of gravestones. Xion stared helplessly up at its giant moon overhead. What am I supposed to do…?

Xion was in Halloween Town when she was looking for Riku on Day 150.

Day 150: Too Precious to Lose

Xion didn’t come to the clock tower again today. She and Saïx had some kind of argument. Axel and I talked for a while about the things we can’t bear to lose. Axel thinks that for Nobodies, it’s our pasts, because that’s all we have to remember the pain of losing something. I don’t remember my past, but the idea of losing the present—Axel or Xion—scares me.

Day 150 is called “Fear”. It involved being afraid of losing something precious.

Day 150: Dealing with Xion

Author: Saïx

As expected, the Duplicate is starting to show its limits. The Program showed promise, but a puppet is just a puppet: something to be toyed with until it breaks. I am utterly at a loss as to what Roxas and Axel see in that thing. How best to dispose of it merits my consideration going forward.

This is when Saïx calls Xion a failure and thinks she should be disposed of.

Day 171: What’s Love?

On my mission at Beast’s Castle, Xaldin told me about “love” and the special power it has over people. I tried to ask Axel about it, but his explanation didn’t make any sense to me. Every time I ask him about this kind of thing, he tells me I need a heart to understand. It’s like he’s dodging the questions.

On Day 171, Roxas learns about the power of love, which comes from the heart. Love is about protecting what’s most important to you.

Day 171: The No. i Project

Author: Saïx

Xion failed to complete its mission. If this continues, destroying it and using the next Replica as the Duplicate would undoubtedly yield a higher-grade copy. No. i was among the initial lot, which naturally raises questions about its capabilities. At present, it is nothing short of broken. I cannot fathom why Xemnas would want to keep it.

And Xion collapses on this day. Saïx thinks she’s totally broken and doesn’t know why Xemnas wants to keep her. There seems to be a parallel to Isa’s past with all of this. Isa was considered useless and broken, and he was probably going to be disposed of. Lea of course couldn’t bear that and wanted to protect him.

“The arrangements are all settled,” answered Saïx.

Xigbar snorted at him. “How do you see Xion?”

“What do you mean?” Vague words. A clear will is the only thing of any importance, Saïx was thinking.

Xigbar grinned in reply, and asked Xemnas this time. “It doesn’t matter if you get the meaning. What about you?” Xemnas looked at Xigbar. “Don’t you and me sometimes see eye to eye, as they say?” Xigbar said, shrugging, and Xemnas smiled. Is that a yes, or a no?

“Keep an eye on Roxas.” Without answering Xigbar, Xemnas made himself disappear.

“Yeah, do your best now.” Xigbar followed after. I wonder what on earth Xigbar was trying to say…

Saïx’s scar is on his mind’s eye. Xigbar and Xemnas see “eye to eye”. That is to say, they are of like mind. Saïx can’t see what they see. And the joke is that he can’t really “keep an eye” on Roxas, so to speak. He still has the same mind as they do, but he doesn’t realize it because his mind’s eye has been shut down.

Day 352: What I Must Do

Author: Xion

Riku gave me this time. Axel told me to spend it thinking for myself. The Organization is determined to erase either me or Roxas. They'll never allow us to coexist. I love Roxas and Axel. I'm sure Saïx would scoff at that. Call it a trick of my artificial memories. But the time I spent on that clock tower was real. I wish the three of us could stay together, just like this, forever. But I have to end this. I'll never forget today's sunset. Even if Roxas and Axel do, I won't forget.

Xion was able to think for herself. And she was capable of love, which she said Saïx would scoff at. I think this was supposed to be very ironic, since we would have learned that Isa loved Lea very much.

“In the way of us. I trust you.”

Axel cracked a dry smile. “You say that exactly like you would if you had a heart.”

“My memories of the time I did have one are making it so, that’s all. If you get in the way any further, though, the memories I have since becoming a Nobody will overwrite them.”

“…That sounds like a threat.”

“More or less. Keep it in mind.” Finished with the conversation, Saïx walked away. Axel didn’t move for a while.

On this day, before Axel intervened, Saïx told Axel he trusted him, and Axel said it sounded just like he had a heart. Then he issued a threat and told Axel to keep it it mind. Axel still didn’t let Roxas and Xion kill each other.

“That’s my Poppet! Leaving me with nothing do to here,” said Xigbar, grinning as he watched Xion fight. He turned to Axel. “Don’t you think so, Carrot-top?”

“Yeah. I have no idea why you’re here either,” said Axel, with only the slightest hint of sarcasm.

Xigbar laughed like it was unbearably funny, body almost bent double. “Hahaha. So very true. It’s because I tagged along on my own selfish whim, that’s all. Guys shooting for power do make a point to listen to guys like me.” Guys shooting for power—he means Saïx. Axel listened to Xigbar in silence.

I think this is the main thing that made Saïx and Xigbar’s relationship so interesting. Saïx is a guy shooting for power. Xigbar finds it hilarious because he remembers Isa as a powerless kid who was turned into a human puppet for being too weak to resist. Although Saïx is trying to gain power, he is incapable of the power of love since his heart was captured.

Sora: What do you know? You weren’t even there! If you were, you’d admire Herc’s courage.

Xigbar: I don’t admire one guy leaping into danger if it means someone else might have to jump in to save him. You’re all just lining up to lose out. Dooming others to take the fall with ya. Oh. and you can spare me the usual party line. Yes, hearts are powerful when they’re connected. But if you put too much of that power in one place, some of those hearts might end up breaking. Still, Sora, that doesn’t mean you should change. Accept the power you’re given. Find the hearts joined to yours.

Isa seemed to have a really strong heart. He may not have been physically strong, but he still had power. I'm sure Xigbar saw Ventus glaring at him for an important reason. Xigbar was involved with the fate of Terra, Aqua, and Ventus. But he was much more heavily involved in the experiments. I think the reason Xigbar saw Ventus might have been because Isa reminded him of Ven.

“Yes, it was not supposed to gain a mind of its own—nor become the person we see.” Xemnas closed his eyes. “But in the end, it only proves that the puppet is the more worthy vessel.”

“Whether Xion takes from Roxas the rest of what he has to give…or whether he destroys her first and takes back what is his, there is no change to our plans. No matter how, Sora’s power will belong to us.”

“Understood, sir.” Xemnas disappeared nearly before he heard his order acknowledged.

“…Well, do your best. The best a kid without a heart can do, anyway,” said Xigbar, and he too disappeared.

Just before Roxas runs away, Xemnas and Xigbar say these things to Saïx. Somewhere along the way, Isa probably went from a broken puppet that was going to be disposed of, to being considered the more worthy vessel. Just like Xion.

Day 355: I Am

I have to know who I am...I am DONE WITH THIS.

Roxas left the organization and used his ability to think for himself. His diary entry is entitled, “I Am”. Xion’s theme is called, “Who Am I?”

Day 355: Mind

Author: Xigbar

The gears of Xemnas’ plans have begun to spin wild since the loss of half our membership at Castle Oblivion. The results are there, but can this state of affairs fairly be called a success? If Kingdom Hearts can be said to possess a mind of its own, it is surely rejecting Xemnas—no, rejecting Xehanort. Roxas left the Organization today.

And Xigbar’s entry is entitled “Mind”. He said Kingdom Hearts had a mind of its own and was rejecting Xemnas. The mind control experiments no doubt involved the subject’s mind rejecting Xehanort. Saïx only thinks he’s Isa, but it’s all smoke and mirrors.

#kingdom hearts #kh meta #kh saix #kh isa #kh xigbar #kh xemnas

[bentonpena]

COVID-19 has had a surprising impact on our sex lives

https://bit.ly/39CcHL4 COVID-19 has had a surprising impact on our sex lives https://bit.ly/2LCB7fz

The spike in sex toy sales, rise of OnlyFans, and normalization of masturbation as part of everyday health and wellness were some of the only good things to come from the pandemic (pun intended). But, if you've felt a weird sense of FOMO for missing out on these alleged COVID-inspired boons in sexual exploration and acceptance, you're not alone.

At CES 2021 this week, sextech company Lioness released a new exploratory study analyzing an in-depth dataset capturing how people's sex lives and drives were impacted by the pandemic. The data, which compares participants' habits from 2019 versus 2020, includes everything from how often participants masturbated to how long it took to orgasm. The main takeaway? 2020 might not have been the free-for-all cum fest all those trends implied.

2020 might not have been the free-for-all cum fest these trends implied.

Since stay-at-home orders began in late March, retailers and toy companies — particularly those selling internet-connected sextech like We-Vibe, Ohmibod, and Satisfyer — reported skyrocketing numbers, with toys flying off virtual shelves. Faced with indefinite alone time and the risks of pandemic dating, folks rushed to do the responsible thing by turning to self-pleasure, with a particular focus on toys boasting high-tech features like virtual sex with long-distance partners. The explosion of sextech during the pandemic is undeniable, with tech market forecaster Juniper Research predicting that the already multi-billion-dollar industry would see an accelerated 87 percent spike in global adoption of these digital-savvy pleasure devices in 2020. 

But assuming that this spike, coupled with more time at home, automatically translated into a wave of reinvigorated, pandemic-fueled masturbation remains to be substantiated. Actually, the new study, which is based on user data gathered by Lioness' biofeedback-tracking smart vibrator, found potential evidence of the exact opposite conclusion too.

Lioness CEO Liz Klinger, who created the high-tech vibrator designed to help people explore their sexuality through data, said she, "got the sense that things were clearly changing a lot for people [sexually during the pandemic]. And we wanted to dig in and understand what was going on." The Lioness team's hypothesis was that folks' sex lives in 2020 were probably a lot more complicated than that increase in toy sales suggested.

Conducted through Lionness' Sex Research Platform (which launched last year), the study was done in partnership with the Center for Genital Health & Education, and credits Dr. Natasha Aduloju-Ajijola (a research fellow with a Ph.D. in health education and promotion) with the data analysis. Pooling from the aggregated, anonymized data of 1,879 Lioness users who opted into participation, it analyzed their arousal responses during approximately 40,000 sessions with the smart vibrator between 2019 and 2020. 

The study found, "convincing evidence of a significant drop-off in masturbation frequency as the year wore on when compared to [those same users'] masturbation frequency back in 2019," according to the toy company's blog post on the study. Overall, there was a roughly 9 percent month-to-month drop in sessions from last year. While the holiday season in 2019 saw an increase in masturbation frequency, the most significant decline in 2020 happened in those same final months of the year, with November's use dropping more than 37 percent.

November, if you'll remember, not only brought a devastating (ongoing) spike in COVID cases, but also kicked off the gloomiest social-distanced holiday season ever — on top of also coinciding with one of the most stressful elections in recent American history. To be clear, the data in this study can't prove causality, since it's entirely possible participants simply used the Lioness less frequently while masturbating the same amount by other means. 

That being said, on an anecdotal level, it's not hard to imagine why lots of folks weren't feeling especially horned up in the final months of 2020.

Image: Emily Eder / lioness / CGHE

In a separate survey of Lioness users (who were not necessarily the same ones who offered their physiological data), 235 participants answered questions on their sex lives in 2020. Almost 80 percent reported changes in masturbation frequency from 2019, and 76 percent said the same for partnered sex. 

A few commonalities emerged in participants' self-reported reasons for why they'd experienced decreases or increases in libido during the pandemic.

Those who reported less sexual interest and activity (whether partnered or solo) pointed to struggles with self-care, with one quoted participant saying:

“I did purchase several new toys this year however I think overall I masturbated less. I don’t know what maybe it was cause my sleep schedule was off some months then my depression kicked up a little and I just wasn’t interested.”

Others spoke to the impacts of anxiety and stress, less time for privacy due to family members or roommates being home all the time, decreases in self-esteem and feeling less attractive (one surveyor said pandemic-related weight gain inhibited their sex drive), or loss of a loved one.

What both the survey and physiological data really reveal, though, is just how normal it was for folks to have polar opposite sexual responses to the collective traumas of the pandemic.

On the other side of the coin, the survey respondents who reported increased interest in masturbation frequency cited reasons such as: more time at home, being unable to visit long-distance partners, having partners who experienced lower sex drives, being single and the difficulties of pandemic dating, and needing the mood-boost and stress-relief of sexual gratification.

The more granular physiological user data paints an even more complex picture of the unexpected ways COVID-19 changed their sex lives and pleasure experiences, though.

Image: EMILY EDER / LIONESS / CGHE

For example, the average duration of sessions with the Lioness decreased by 20 seconds between February 2020 and April 2020 (so, in other words, the period when many of us were adjusting from the before-times and into pandemic life). Meanwhile, sessions increased by 30 seconds between July 2020 and November 2020 (which correspond to U. S. COVID spikes).

It's impossible to make any sound assumptions about what those time discrepancies actually mean about a users' sexual experience during said session, though. Longer time spent using the vibrator could mean anything from increased difficulty in reaching orgasm or a deliberately slower build (aka edging) in order to achieve a more powerful orgasm.

The best judge for whether users enjoyed themselves less or more during these sessions comes down to the person's own subjective experience. Since Lioness allows users to rate each of their sessions on a scale of 1 to 5, the study reports that the common session score went up from 4/5 in 2019, to a perfect 5/5 in 2020. 

So, it's safe to say that, while users may have masturbated less overall, when they did get off the results appear to have delivered above-average satisfaction.

Image: EMILY EDER / LIONESS / CGHE

The Lioness COVID study is first-of-its-kind sex research, with Lioness describing it as the "type of data and techniques mid-20th century researchers like Masters and Johnson dreamed of having." Unlike all other sex research gathered in a lab setting, the kind of data the Lioness platform can gather meets subjects in the natural habitat of their own bedrooms, Klinger said. But the study also makes clear that, "This is an exploratory study with retrospective data — which can't prove causality."

There's a lot of variables and unknowns that call the scientific rigor of this type of study into question. For example, because the data is anonymized to protect user privacy, researchers cannot know key information about participants like gender, age, race, or socioeconomic background. Without that, one cannot claim the study is at all representative of the larger population. It's reflective only of this subset of people who own a Lioness. 

This exploratory study should be seen as a flawed but intriguing real-time snapshot of an extraordinary moment in human sexuality.

At the same time, Klinger also questioned whether the same can't be said for a lot of sex research done in labs, which often disproportionately rely on college students as subjects — specifically, college students who are comfortable performing sex acts in a clinical setting while researchers observe.

The potential benefits of sex research that isn't confined to a laboratory environment are obvious. But they come at the cost of a whole host of variables you can't control, account for, or recreate — all things which are essential to legitimate scientific research. There's an infinite number of explanations for why Lioness users had fewer sessions with their smart vibrator in 2020 — perhaps they contributed to the aforementioned spike in sales for other sex toys and used those instead.

What this exploratory study should be seen as is a flawed but intriguing real-time snapshot of an extraordinary moment in human sexuality — nothing more and nothing less.

As with everything related to COVID, it will be years before we can claim anything definitive about the pandemic's effects on us. At the same time, what this Lioness data does validate is that, no matter how the pandemic impacted your libido — whether it turned you into a sex hermit or a sex monster or anything in between — all of it is totally normal. 

That's what Klinger believes is one of the benefits for users who opt into the research platform. "It's beneficial to the researchers for data, but it's also a way for users to learn more about themselves by participating and seeing some of the results from the findings." 

WATCH: How to clean your sex toys

For those who own Lionesses, you can sign up to participate in current and future research studies through the platform. Klinger said her team is also working on ways to make the $200 devices more accessible, through potential grants — though getting a sex toy qualified as a medical device presents its own set of problems. If you're interested, you may want to wait to get the second generation of the Lioness, which is supposed to come out soon. 

We've been in isolation for so long that it's a comfort to just to be reminded that none of us are alone in our reactions to these unprecedented circumstances. You're not a sex freak or sexually broken after all, and Lioness has got the data to prove it.

What's inarguable is that COVID-19 changed a lot of people's sex lives. And it's OK to take your time in understanding how or why. 

Tech via Mashable! https://bit.ly/2KzLn52 January 14, 2021 at 05:27PM

#IFTTT #Feedly #@b3n70n

[xoruffitup]

TLJ: That Post-Fight Proposal

I originally wrote this meta on a post with a video clip of the “It’s time to let old things die … I want you to join me” scene that was since taken down… But I wanted to revisit it and repost it because I cannot stop going over this scene in my head. 

I continue to find new angles tying it into the over-arching story. The more I think about it, the more it seems that this scene cements the future of the Rey/Kylo dynamic (romantic, platonic, or however interpreted) as the determinant of both balance in the Force and peace in the galaxy. Furthermore, the more convinced I am that in this scene, these two characters reached a place unknown to any SW characters previously: This moment of genuine attraction and draw between the two figures supposed to represent the opposite sides of an age-long conflict; When I was literally on the edge of my seat because I was right there at the precipice with them, painfully aware that together they might completely shatter all of the distinctions and laws that seemed to hold this world together… and nevertheless feeling an illogical desire for Rey to take his damn hand and let everything burn around them, just as Kylo proposed.

The recurring theme of the film has been the “last Jedi”/the end of the Jedi order as we know it, and the new grey area between the diametrically-opposed Light and Dark sides that might replace the polarity we’ve previously known. It will be up to the next generation of Force-users to build a new understanding of the Force, and maybe a new world around that which can finally escape the recurring cycle of Totalitarian Empire vs Freedom Fighting Rebels in which this world seems to be trapped.

Rey and Kylo are each other’s “equals” in the respective light and dark. Through their self-exploration of their own powers and the conflict between light and dark within themselves, they are tapping into the Force in ways which would have horrified their predecessors. Luke experienced that catastrophic moment of instinctive fear when he sensed the darkness lurking in Ben - And he reacted with similar shock when he helped Rey tap into the Force and she “went straight to the dark without even trying to stop herself.” By witnessing Luke’s reaction and his rebuff, Rey thought that darker side of her was something she needed to keep at bay and remain wary of.

Fast-forward to this scene: The aftermath of Rey and Kylo joining forces so completely and seamlessly, it was like watching a ballet of perfect precision and balance. Ben has broken all his existent laws, thrown aside everything he held dear and had clung to before he met Rey - In order to bring this moment and their union into fruition. He is operating completely in the grey area beyond what’s familiar and established in this world as we know it. For that short but so! incredibly! cathartic! scene of them fighting together, we saw what their joint potential could be: The true union and balance between the light and dark sides of the Force. As we see, it’s a power that might be great enough to finally do away with despots and enable a world without the existence of absolute, inhuman evil represented by the Sith.

This moment of total, unprecedented suspension where everything and anything could be possible is what the whole film has built up to. It’s possibly the single scariest, most challenging moment any Star Wars character has ever faced: The complete unknown. Ben clings to a guiding purpose. It’s the same purpose that propelled him to bring this moment into being - His all-powerful desire to protect and be with Rey, no matter what. That is what he clings to, and in this moment it is the only thing sacred to him. Forget the Jedi, forget the Sith, forget the Resistance - Their union is the only thing that matters. It is unprecedented in its transformative power, and in his eyes all else pales before it. I think it’s especially telling that he includes the Sith in the things to be left behind. He’s not asking Rey to join the dark side; He’s asking her to step out into the complete unknown with him to build something entirely new - Something only they can create together.

But Rey still holds attachments in the order she knows. She is such a naturally empathetic person, she cannot help her thoughts being split between Ben and her friends in the Resistance currently fighting for their lives. She cannot seriously consider building this new world with him, when that means abandoning an old world where her friends are relying on her. Ironically, because she is a stronger person than Ben (she has healthy relationships with others, she can keep her own emotions in control), she is unable to really see the vast new horizon calling to Ben in this scene. She doesn’t fully grasp the full meaning behind his words. In them she hears only destruction. Ben has not yet changed his ways enough for her to recognize an equal potential of creation. Skip to after this scene: Kylo basically loses it. He had been standing at the precipice of everything he had ever known, willing to leap into the dark void of the unknown, so long as she did it with him. He gave up everything that once guided him - for her. He feels that she refused to do the same. She backed down. But perhaps for good reason - She has not yet fully given up on the old order, like Ben has. To him, everything in it failed him. He already rejected it through his attempts to “kill the past.” But Rey, even after her own precipice moment when Ben makes her accept the fact that she comes from nothing, from parents who did not love her, even then she still believes in good in the world. And her belief is not in vain.

Luke and Yoda both recognized the time for the end of the Jedi Order as it has existed until now. In Rey, they seem to recognize someone who can bring much-needed balance to the Force, and thereby to the continuing opposition between good and evil in the galaxy. She and Kylo Ren, together, have the ability to bring this necessary new order into being. After all, it is only through her force-bond interactions with Kylo and the deep solace she finds in him that she musters the strength to face the darkest, hardest-to-swallow parts of herself and her past. Only Kylo has made her feel that she can go on after that acceptance, still at peace with herself. He has helped her recognize and accept the dark within her and incorporate it into herself - The same way I’m convinced she will eventually help him embrace the light within himself. And in the larger picture, the same way they each must find that gray-area balance point within themselves, they must find the balance point between destroying everything rotten and oppressive in their world, and preserving the sources of love, understanding, and peace. There certainly needs to be a major shake-up, but not simply for destruction’s sake. Like Rose says, remember we need to fight for what we love. Rey could not take Ben’s hand in this scene because this was NOT the balance point yet. Ben is still too focused on destruction - Rey too much on preservation. Perhaps Episode IX will advance their individual stories far enough for them to find that balance point together! All I know is that these two certainly covered a lot of uncharted ground in this film already, and Luke, along with the attention given to corruption and exploitation through Rose and Finn’s storyline, definitely seems to be pushing towards a major rebirth of the whole Star Wars world as we know it. This moment in Last Jedi was just a bit too early for such a big paradigm shift. Ben is still a little too lost in his inner turmoil (He MUST survive and find his redemption! He simply must!), and Rey perhaps isn’t ready yet to take on a role of such huge importance. But GOD do I have hope for these two!! I’m convinced they can achieve incredible things together. Including changing the world. :’)

#Star Wars #Star Wars TLJ #Reylo #Star Wars analysis #Star Wars meta #The Last Jedi

[sabrinamichele]

H is for Hurt

Hurt. Heartbreak. Heal. I wish it were that easy. As easy as taking a misstep and falling down; granted, it hurts (sometimes like hell), but you can get back up, brush yourself off, and move on. Sometimes, when it comes to matters of the heart, however, it’s just not that easy. It may be that simple, but it is never seemingly that simple or ever easy. At least not for me…

When I think back to that day, the day my husband left me, the amount of hurt that I experienced, it was a kind of pain I wouldn't wish on anyone. There are few other experiences in my life where I felt pain like that; something so incredibly devastating that you are left at a complete loss. There is no script for this. No right or wrong way, really, to react. You just do. With the strength you somehow find within you, you find the words you need to say. I know I didn’t know what to do next, but I also, thankfully, didn’t have to face those next few hours alone. (My marriage ended over a phone call, so I truly was alone in that moment.) My best friend’s birthday party was that night; so even though I had no idea how I was going to keep it together that night, I made myself go. Being there with her was the absolute best place I could be in that moment. I was not alone. And even though I did lose it a few times that night, it was okay; my best friend, while it was her birthday, was able to be there for me in those moments of acute pain. I am so incredibly grateful to her for having me over that night, for her strength in my weakness, and for every single day she has been there for me since. I know that, despite how awful those first few weeks were for me, her actions and unfailing love and support strengthened our friendship. I am sharing this because, should you ever find yourself in a similar situation in life, you will need all the love and support you can get. Reach out and ask for it. You cannot get through it alone. Just know that not everyone in your life may show up for you in the ways you might expect. Learn to somehow come to peace with this. One of the hardest truths I had to come to grips with in the months that followed was that not everyone can sit with you in the pain; not everyone can or will take the time to simply show up for you. But the ones that do, and continue to do so? Those are the kind of genuine, lifelong friends you want to have in your life. Don’t ever take them for granted, and if you are ever asked to, choose them; fight for them. That’s the kind of relationship you want to fight for. Let go of those that don’t choose you. “People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime,” as the expression goes. Try to accept that in your life.

Things I learned in the hurt:

With the capacity to love greatly comes the capacity to hurt greatly, in seemingly direct proportion to the former. It can feel debilitating at times, but you can survive it.

It is okay to grieve, to cry; there is no shame in that. (For me that meant breaking down crying, in public, and far more often than I wanted or expected to.) You have experienced a tremendous loss and you need to process and grieve that loss. Don’t feel like you have to hide your grief or be ashamed of the way you need to grieve.

I have absolutely no control over the wave of grief that will hit me; no control over the when or the where, and, as I mentioned before, the subsequent crying that inevitably followed. I am incredibly grateful for the people at my work that gave me the time and space I needed to grieve, and especially to those who cared enough to talk to me about what I was going through; who could, simply put, get a little uncomfortable to be there for me in those moments.

To take each and every day as it comes. Today may suck, and I may cry. A lot. But I got through it. And tomorrow will be better.

That as much as you want to hit the fast-forward button and get back to a place of normalcy, of feeling ‘okay’ again, that it really does just take time. And, despite whatever mathematical equation some people may tell you to follow to find out how long that will take, there is simply no magic number or equation that can give you that number, your number. It’s just not that easy. You, and your relationship, you are and were unique. No equation or person can tell you when you will start to feel normal again, or when you will be ready to start seeing other people and begin dating again. Just know that, one day, you will be. But unfortunately (as I had to find out) there is no fast-forward button for that; it will take time. Whether that’s two months, six months, or two years, it is going to take however long you need it to take. And it has to be intentional. You need to process what has happened, and what you need and want in your life now that this has happened. And, it is my hope, you can take that moment to see what you needed to learn from the relationship. We are all human and imperfect by nature, which means we made mistakes. If we don’t stop to look back at the things we did that didn’t work well for us or for him/her, we are doomed to simply repeat the same mistakes going forward. It takes mindfulness and intention to break that cycle and to do it differently the next time.

As for me, a part of my sharing this is because I know that I desperately wanted to find my fast-forward button. I had my husband of eleven years leave me, and it hurt like hell. But, I refused to let this event define the rest of my life. It was, to be fair, a huge part of my life (I wouldn't be the person I am today had I not gone through that), but it does not define who I am for the rest of my life. I know so many people who have gotten ‘stuck’ after a similar loss; I find it so incredibly sad to watch someone allow their anger and/or resentment towards their ex to take over them; essentially putting their life at a stand-still. Honestly, it breaks my heart. If you don’t find a way to resolve that hurt or anger you will carry it with you (even unintentionally so) into your future relationships.

So, for me, I was very intentional following the end of my marriage. I allowed myself to feel it all. All the hurt; all the pain. I wanted to get through it as fast as possible; to get back to ‘my normal.’ While I would eventually find the pain would unexpectedly surface again, allowing myself that time to grieve the loss of my marriage was a huge part of my healing. I know that not everyone is built the same in that way, and you may need to compartmentalize some of that hurt, in the beginning, to find a way to just function. But, just know that you must eventually face the pan and hurt you have stored away. You will find, as I did, the only way to truly have an open heart that is ready to give and to receive love again requires you to have it open. If you are still hurting, your heart cannot be open. So, as much as it hurt, I allowed myself to feel it all; because, despite the heartbreak I was experiencing, I wanted to someday find a way to love again, as unimaginable as it was in that moment.

I will leave you with one final, but really important thing that I learned in the months following the end of my marriage. For those of you that don’t already know this, I have a background (and now a bachelors degree) in Psychology. One of the things I learned in my years of study that really stood out to me was that, as adults, change, real true change, is incredibly rare. With that said, there are a few key moments in life that are anomalies to this rule: big life events, such as the death of a loved one, divorce, job loss, a traumatic life event, etc. When an event like this happens, there exists the possibility for true change. I’m sure most can think of an example of someone they know where this has been the case. I know that, for me, in the wake of my divorce these words held a tremendous amount of hope for me. Despite everything that had led to that moment, that day, I knew that I had the ability to change everything going forward. I felt that I could take something awful and truly have something good from it, and I did. All the things I wanted to do, I did. I wanted to become aware of the things in my life that weren’t completely in line with the person I truly wanted to be in life; with that, I began to identify these things and shift my personality towards the person I truly desired to be. I’m not going to say change, because I don’t believe you can truly change who you are in polar opposite way. But I do believe each of us has the ability to shift who we are to be more aligned with the person we want to become. I know in the months that followed I had never felt more alive or free than I did then. It made me so happy to see the transformation in my own life, and particularly when friends began to notice and comment on the changes they were seeing as well. Change is never easy, as I’m finding true even today, but don’t doubt the power you have to influence the change you want to make in your own life. It is possible; again, it requires mindfulness and intention, but it is absolutely possible.

I write about my hurt because I want you to know that, through all of that…the hurt, the heartache, the healing…there is hope. You are stronger and more resilient than you know. And you will be even stronger and more beautiful for having gone through this. Take heart and know that, even in this, you are never alone.

Sabrina Michele

#hurt #heartbreak #healing #hope #resilience #divorce #relationships #love #finding yourself #this is me #vulnerability #moving on #grief #grief and loss

[asagimeta]

Teen Wolf Episode 6x06- “Ghosted”- Observations And Predictions

Ohhh my God... guys.... this episode was so heavy in Q&As, so many answers!! But also... so... so many questions...... I can promise you all, right now, that I absolutely cannot scratch the surface of all these questions, but that doesn't mean I won't atleast mention a few <3

Ok ok ok let's start with the biggest reveal of the season.... MIRRORVERSE. IS. REAL! And it could not BE more obvious because Lydia literally went through a mirror, the cool thing about Mirrorverse is that there really are no set rules for it, it's very Wonderlandish that way, there's no real way to stare at something implied to be mirrorverse and say "No that can't be mirrorverse it has to be something else" because mirrorverse is very.. well... diverse... and it could be a portal to anywhere really, like the doors in Atem's mind in Yu-Gi-Oh, any given door could lead to any given place, one door could lead to the past, one to an alternate universe, one to a different side to the same universe, etc etc, so MIRRORVERSE CONFIRMED

So the year is 1987, wich doesn't mean much right now but it probably will later, our flashback introduces us to the obvious vibes of the 80s- including Duran Duran's "Hungry Like The Wolf", wich was very clever of Teen Wolf- and biggest of all right now is that we have images of the carousel from the opening credits, I'm sure there's more to the carousel imagery than just the horses, and I'm sure it'll be brought up again later, given that they found it was important enough to put into the opening credits

Speaking of Mirrorverse, Lenore actually saw Lydia when she traveled through the mirror, and there's evidence that it could have possibly been Lydia that awoke Lenore's banshee scream to begin with, meaning that this wasn't just Lydia peering through the mirror (ha... puns...) but actually, actively, INTERACTING with the world she saw, this wasn't a vision, it was a legitimate travel to another dimension- in this case, to another time

Man oh man Fake!Claudia's claws are in deep, and the sheriff's refusal to believe anything slightly outside of what he wants to believe are stronger than ever (Sheriff you would NOT do well in the X-Files) and this entire scene hurt my soul on a level that I just do not deserve, I hope that Stiles isn't somehow veiwing this from the other realm or something... anyway, if there is any- and I do mean ANY- bright side to this pain, it's that Scott is finally experiencing what Stiles usually goes through, Scott has a very warped veiw of the sheriff because he and the sheriff work very much in a toxic tango, Scott lacks a father figure and the only one he's ever come close to having is the sheriff- who is like his dad in some ways, he's in law enforcement, he's no-nonsense, etc- but he's also very very different in enough ways that Scott would never compare them, he respects the sheriff and craves his approval as a father figure, likewise Scott is- in the sheriff's own words- "the son he should have had", he's the golden boy who's a goody-two-shoes and always tries to follow the moral AND legal codes, who, in the sheriff's opinion, doesn't get in trouble, who works hard and wants to make an honest living and have the All American Boy Lifestyle of college and a family and whatever, and that is NOT a slam against Stiles in any way, parents often get along better with their child's best freind, in some ways my ex-best freind's mom got along better with me than with my freind, but here's the big thing: The relationship is only part-time, and that's what makes it ideal, if Scott screws somethig up the sheriff  doesn't have to deal with it or even know about it because he's Melissa's kid, and likewise if the sheriff gets mad about something Scott isn't there for him to take it out on, Stiles is, because Stiles lives there and is subjected to it weather he likes it or not, so tldr, my point is, the sheriff and Scott only ever see the best in eachother, and usually Scott is apt to be on the sheriff's side, sweet talk him, preen at his approval, whatever, and generally kind of has an air around him of not understanding- or believing- Stiles when he says or reacts in any negative fashion about his dad, he doesn't see that he's impacting Stiles in a negative way when the sheriff approves of or believes him over Stiles because in Scott's mind if Stiles doesn't get that approval/beleif then there's a reason for it, you can see the dynamic really well with the scene in 5A where Sheriff's "Thank you, son I should have had" line is said, Scott grins and blinks like he doesn't know Stiles was just deeply insulted, and Stiles looks like he's been slapped in the face, because Scott has likely never seen the sheriff at his worst or had to be on the recieving end of his SEVERE lack of beleif, even in season five when Kira was arrested it was KIRA who was on the recieving end of the sheriff's problematic attitude, Scott was only a bystander, now that he's been on the recieving end himself, personally, with no one else around, I wonder if it's going to impact how he sees Stiles and inreacts with him in terms of this stuff in the future, I mean I doubt it, because that isn't really the history of how the show works, especially with Scott, but in a perfect world the next time Stiles presents his father's lack of trust in him towards Scott- in any way- Scott would actually be very compassionate towards him and offer a Stiles-freindly way of helping rather than showing him up (intentionally or not) or, you know, not believing Stiles himself

So why is Chris only infected and not just plain gone? Why is he the only one who the Hunt's weapons didn't kill or abduct? Unfortunately there really isn't any way to speculate on that until we get another example of this happening to someone, until then, sadly, there are just too many variables- too many to speculate over- but it's still a point that needs to be mentioned because... well... it's weird....

This episode also really makes me want all of the Supernatural General AUs .. for... reasons..... *Cough*

You know, I'm wondering if Caanan isn't actually in another dimension by now? The scenes in the town have a different coloring tone from most of reality, wich is what we often see in things like flashbacks, hallucinations, time travel, other dimensions, etc, there are other reasons I think Caanan could be in a different dimension and Lydia being able to travel to the past and be seen by Lenore is one of the main ones, but another is the hallucinations Scott and Malia have- notice that Lydia doesn't have any- supposedly this is caused by "The energy in the town" but that doesn't make any sense, why would energy cause Scott and Malia to have hallucinations? Vivid ones, at that, possibly even premonitions (Theo DID come back to life the same day, he could shoot Malia- or try to- later on and Melissa could easily become an almost-victim of Dug's) If this is an alternate universe/dimension however, then the rules of life change, and suddenly pretty much anything is possible, this is a ghost town, it might be an ACTUAL ghost town- IE: It doesn't exist on our plain anymore and manifested because someone was looking for it, like the Room Of Requirement in Harry Potter- and that means that if this is in fact the case, then pretty much everything goes, a pig could go flying across the screen and it could be perfectly within the rules of the realm simply by it being a different dimension *Wile we're talking about those hallucinations, I just want to say they were really good, very creepy, nice going Teen Wolf

So Dug was implied to be making a tazer, but somehow I just... don't buy that, that seems way too simplistic for someone who's encountered the Hunt before, I think, personally, that he was making something stronger, MUCH stronger... I'm just not quite sure what... but speaking of our old pal Dug, I wonder how much exactly Liam and Hayden told him? About werewolves? Or just about the Hunt? About the fact that people go missing and are forgotten- that they're looking for one of those missing people- or just that they hurt/kidnap people? And why is it that they so easily and willingly told him anything instead of leaving him in the dark? The baby pack DOES certainly have alot of differences in how they handle things from the main crew, and on the one hand, it's a good thing to share as much knowledge as you can with a potential victim... but on the other hand they didn't hesitate at all to share what could have been dire information, they could have spilled a secret that could get them all killed (what if they said "So look here's the thing we're werewolves and..." and Dug was a hunter, for example?) they didn't bother trying to get any other information out of him or see how accepting he might be to the thought of the supernatural, the original pack and the baby pack are very much polar opposites when it comes to sharing information, the original pack (and by this I mean Derek's and early!Scott's) was secretive to a fault to protect themselves, but the baby pack is informative to a fault to protect others, and there HAS to be a balance before someone pulls a //REALLY// unnecessary trigger...

Nine herbs to counteract nine venoms, thanks to @Athenadark - thank you SO much Athena!- we actually have the list of herbs!! According to this https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nine_Herbs_Charm Argent's medicine isn't just a thing made up by Teen Wolf, the herbs involved are the following (in English, because eh...):

-Mugwort -Cockspur grass -Lamb's cress -Plantain -Mayweed -Nettle -Crab Apple -Thyme -Fennel

In the actual charm the binding agent isn't honey, it's soap, apple juice, water, ashes, and beaten egg... I can see why Teen Wolf would want to save time and just say honey ;) Anyway if anyone wants to define the actual effects most of these ingredients have- and/or the historical/mythological significance about them- please go ahead and PLEASE let me know (message me because I rarely check my notes) because it's four in the morning and I have too much to do on the rest of this list ^^;

So if the Nine Venom thing works... does that mean that Ghost Rider Juice is a venom by technicality or are we just calling it that for lack of anything cooler to call it? There's a Kill Bill joke in here but ... I'm tired, anyway, it makes me REALLY EXCITED to get a little breath more from the beastiary though, nine venoms huh? So that would probably include kanima toxins, the scorpion toxins, and... actually I think that's all we know of in canon that actually has toxins/venoms..?? Makes me wonder where it's been all this time though... with the influx of kanima and whatnot... but anyway I just always get excited about canon lowkey exploring more mythology, like introducing wendigos without focusing an entire season on them and all? I'm a monster-of-the-week girl, what can I say?

So Caleb is a Tulpa, what that means, for those of you not brushed up on your cryptozoology, is that he's essentially a manifestation of beleif, here, basically, the idea is that if you believe in something strongly enough, it'll manifest and become real, let me use Bigfoot as our star Tulpa analogy:

So many-a-time ago people saw some unexplained animal in the woods that was large and human like and they decided "Omg Bigfoot" right? Well the legends about Bigfoot grew.... and grew..... and grew..... and by the time that original unexplained animal was long since identified, there were... still people reporting sightings of Bigfoot with increasingly detailed reports? Why? Because people believed in Bigfoot, so much at that point, that the energy put into beleif LITERALLY manifested a Bigfoot and allowed it to be an actual creature that roams around so it can photo bomb people and get selfies posted on the internet, but because Bigfoot was not quite real to begin with and is only a manifestation of the pooled energy put into beleif, he isn't *QUITE* a living creature the same way, say, a deer is, a deer has to SURVIVE, eat, avoid predators, breed, and you know, one day, die of old age (and I'm being generous) except... Bigfoot doesn't have to do all of that, he can just spend all of his time wandering around leaving footprints and shaking cameras that amatuer hunters put in trees, because, although he may be REAL*, he isn't really ALIVE, there's no biology there, sort of like a sock puppet that moves around of it's own free will, Bigfoot's sole purpose is to be spotted and keep the legend alive, because he's a spiritual manifestation, he doesn't NEED to eat or avoid predators or ever die, there's nothing biological about him to make all of that necessary, additionally, Tulpas operate on something of a different plain than the rest of us, they live in another dimension just like all other spiritual beings do, so just like a ghost can be perfectly visible if it wants to be, can tip over furniture and turn out lights, it exists SOLELY in a *SPIRITUAL REALM*, so things like eating and sleeping and, you know, dieing, again are unnecessary, this is also why you can't catch Bigfoot, he literally lives in another dimension, when people see Bigfoot, they're looking through "The Veil"- the thin sheet that seperates one world from another, the ghost world from this world, this world from the faery world, etc, for most people the veil is too thick to see through but for people who are blessed with The Sight, or when the veil is weak or the creature on the otherside REALLY wants to wave at you, normal people can see through it too

*This is where the argument of what consitutes "reality" comes into play and things like surrealism and philosophy are present, but it's not edging closer to five in the morning and I just don't have the raspberries to go into all of that right now

Bigfoot is admittedly a poor argument because, although he's a very famous example of a Tulpa, there's a really big question of if he's a Tulpa or not, the sheer amount of Bigfoots out there- presented in all kinds of shapes and colors and forms such as the Yeti or Abominable Snowman, presented in all kinds of other cultures that had Bigfoot stories WAY before they ever interacted with eachother- makes it hard to reason that Bigfoot is a Tulpa and not a real species, the Loch Ness Monster is one singular entity living in one singular place and is a much, much better example of a Tulpa, people have been spotting Nessie for well over a century if I believe, no one living creature can live that long, but I'm getting off topic

See, the power of beleif really is a real thing, I mean that in a way that's totally outside of anime freindship speeches and Tinkerbell, the power of beleif is what fuels the placebo effect- in other words, you believe something strongly enough that you make it real, imagine the power of beleif to be like water, everyone has a cup of beleif in them right? If over a billion people pour all of that water into a ditch, that water is going to turn into a lake, and THAT is the short end concept of a Tulpa

The Hunt never gave Lenore her son back, she believed that she made that deal with them as a way of processing what happened, think of it like supernatural surivor's guilt, she had to find a way to reason with herself "Why did they only leave me?" without knowing anything about her powers, at around the same time her increased psychic energy formed a Tulpa- Caleb- to keep her from going insane with greif and loneliness (more than she already had) so in her mind she reasoned that the two were connected, that she sold everyone else out in exchange for her son, it's what kept her in that town- the guilt over doing that- and what kept her from losing her mind more than she did, Caleb is an incredibly weak Tulpa, who can only stay in one place, obeys the wims of his creator, and often fades in and out with the raw psychic power Lenore possesses (IE why you can hear her voice underlying his on several occassions) Caleb was only created by ONE person's beleif- one GALLON of water (Lenore, being a banshee, has much more oomph to her little cup) so enough to make a puddle sure but... not a lake, wich is why Nessie and Bigfoot act so severely differently than Caleb, they're lakes, he's a puddle, moving on

Today on: Teen Wolf Has Potentially Taught Me More About My Mental Health Issues Than Actual Professionals... MUGWORT, wich, thanks again to @Athenadark, is actually in fact an anti-anxiety herb (fun fact, I started using Lydia's advice about holding your breath during a panic attack as of a couple of years ago and it really does work wonders... thanks mental health professionals who never suggested that when I asked, repeatedly, how to calm/stop a panic attack...) it does alot of other stuff too, helping with depression, stomach problems, and menustral issues are the main components, but also it's responsible for lucid dreaming, vivid and even prophetic dreams, and can be used as a hallucinagen depending on how it's broken down, so herein lies my question.... why did they focus on this? Mugwort is the only herb they even mentioned out of the nine possibilities but it isn't like they only mentioned it once, they mentioned it by name atleast two or three times, and Melissa even went to the trouble of looking it up and making note that it controls anxiety.... wich is really, REALLY odd for three reasons: 1. Why bother? You have a limited amount of time here to do the thing and you're going to make the effort to read up and remark on the fact that it helps with anxiety? From a filming perspective this has to be significant or she would have never said anything 2. What does it matter? Again, dire situation here but even aside from that it isn't like she or Argent actually have problems with anxiety in canon (that we know of) in fact, the only one Melissa knows intimately who DOES have anxiety issues is Stiles......... you don't say...... 3. Anxiety is NOT the first thing it's listed as helping with, Melissa' little trip to Google only took a matter of seconds and all she reported back was help with anxiety... but when I looked it up it's been much more advertised as helping with DEPRESSION, and lists help with anxiety as one of the OTHER things it does, the websites I visited listed the main reason for taking Mugwort as a supplement as helping with depression, and helping anxiety is usually listed secondary, there are even websites that list it's help for periods and/or stomach issues before it lists help with mental disorders, and ofcourse, again, that's only as a SUPPLEMENT, when you just Google Mugswort you're much more likely to get the hallucinagen version wich talks mostly about lucid dreaming and alternatives to weed, so what I'm saying here is, Melissa was really unlikely to be able to punch Mugwort into Google and find the FIRST result as "Oh hey this is an anti-anxiety herb" so why...? Well, besides the fact that Teen Wolf actually DOES seem to care about how they treat mental illness (atleast some mental illnesses, like anxiety and PTSD) it's highly possible that this is going to come up again later... maybe in relation to Stiles? I mean I don't know who else it would be related to unless they introduce a new charector with pretty much the sole purpose of whatever... this... is... wich seems really, really rediculous at this point, so if you're wondering why they would suddenly give Stiles something to calm his jitters, why they would make a POINT of it, remember, I DID say there was a secondary, non-health related purpose for taking mugswort.... lucid dreaming and prophetic dreams, sleep and dreaming is a very big thing in Teen Wolf mythology, alot of the seasons feature it to some degree with 3B, five, and six, featuring it most heavily, so what if Stiles needs to have a dream about something specific? Maybe to recall a certain memory that he just can't grasp when he's awake? Or to have a vision of the future? I can see it now, Stiles curled up with anxiety, Melissa off-handedly saying he should try Mugswort because it's supposed to help with that, Lydia popping in with "Interestingly it also causes lucid and prophetic dreams- .... heeeeeey....." ... yep this show practically writes it's self

I would like to take this moment to say that I'm just really glad that everyone still remembers Kira, I was wondering if they were going to somehow try to pawn her off on the Hunt too so that's good that they didn't but... still... sucks that she's gone....

Quick question here... how does Lenore even get food there? I mean she doesn't leave town, obviously, and as per the ancient lemonade she clearly doesn't have some magically stocked kitchen... this is just more evidence that Caanan is in a different dimension, in my opinion

Ok folks it's officially time to talk about Lenore's name, I bet there are alot of Edgar Allan Poe fans out there who are about to eat their computers right now because that's mainly what we'll be talking about- though not entirely, the name "Lenore" is Greek, like alot of names in Teen Wolf, a short form of the name Eleanor, it means "Light", but I'm guessing that isn't the reason why Teen Wolf decided to pursue this name, "Lenore" is popular in Edgar Allan Poe's works, coming up twice in poems about dead beauties, the first is titled "Lenore", wich tells of a beautifull girl who died young, the poem is about her husband at her funeral telling everyone that they should not mourn her death but celebrate her life, and believing that one day they'll be reunited in paradise- a sharp turn from Poe's usual tragedies, Lenore is described as wealthy, young, and beautifull, and is "The queenliest dead that ever died so young", we know Lydia is The Queen in the same way Derek is The King- Lydia is shown as the queen on Parrish's playing card and in Hunt related mythos the banshees usually lead the hunt- and there is also a QUEEN of the Hunt in some legends, aka.... The Morrigan, in addition to all of this, Lenore comes about again in "The Raven"- another tragic tale of a dead beauty and without a doubt Poe's most famous work, this one tells of a man mourning his wife who is visited by a talkative raven who brings memories of Lenore, thus upsetting her husband and having him believe that the raven is an omen of evil, let me repeat that a second... RAVEN.... it's about a raven, it's CALLED "The Raven"... you see where I'm going with this right? We've been looking for our raven for ages and most assume it's Stiles but what if the raven is LYDIA- The Morrigan IS represented often by ravens-? Stiles, as the other side of Lydia's coin, would be something to match, what exacty I'm not sure, it would depend on how they work in the Morrigan + raven + banshee mythologies to blend together and such, but it certainly is food for thought, especially when you start pondering how the "Lenore" poem fits into this, maybe Lydia IS left in Beacon Hills for a short time wile everyone else battles the Hunt/rescues people from the station? This would represent a happy reunion once they're all back, or maybe Stiles dies for a short time and wile everyone else is panicking Lydia just "Hey don't worry I got this" and does something Banshee-y to bring him back, wich not only represents being reunited but also nods to "Don't mourn the dead, celebrate the living"... there's just... ALOT to go on, and I haven't even MENTIONED yet that Lenore comes up in "Dracula", something the meta pack has compared Teen Wolf to for a long time now...

It's so nice having Noshiko back... if only she had Kira with her...... I'm really so confused though about how that sword works, I thought it had to be Kitsune-powered but if Liam can just jam it anywhere he wants...?? Speaking of this scene, I wonder where exactly Theo has been all this time, I mean it looks like he was just literally underground for three months (my scratch pad's note "HAS HE LEGIT BEEN UNDER GROUND ALL THIS TIME? He's filthy, clean him") but that obviously isn't .. you know... really true... I know Teen Wolf IMPLIED hell but it's odd to me that Theo hasn't, you know, mentioned that... or anything about where he was.... I don't know, I don't trust any of this, the one GOOD thing though is that we do finally have someone who legit remembers Stiles (I can hear the Steo fans crying happily in the background) and when he's not being a porchdick, he maybe can help with that, as a general thing, he clearly wants nothing to do with going back to.... wherever.... or being taken by the Hunt, so I'm betting he'll be willing to help in his own twisted little way, speaking of Stiles and Theo.. I get the feeling their reunion is going to be something like this:

Stiles: I'm so happy to be back in Beacon Hills oh my God Theo: Hi Stiles: PUT ME BACK, PUT ME BACK

Anyway, speaking of Theo, it's odd to me that, although his memories of Stiles weren't altered, he had a moment of memory loss about... like... everything else...? He had forgotten that he killed his sister, apparently, wich really makes me wonder where he went and what happened to him, even stranger though is that he acted like he actually CARED about his sister, wich he hasn't since he was a small child- if then even- so I just...???? Why??? Atleast the Doctors came in handy for SOMETHING though by filling Theo in (ish) about the Hunt, wich is apparently worse to be held captive by than Hell ... or... wherever the hell Theo was

Speaking of The Hunt.... I have to admit, this entire "stuck" shennanigan throws me for a big loop, so does the idea that all of their captives are being turned into more riders, there are so... SO many questions here... besides the obvious of how, why, and when, the sticking happened, there are others: Why is only one section of the Hunt stuck? We know there are others going around to other places right now doing this to other towns so why just this one? They obviously don't turn everyone they get so where do the leftovers go? Like, you know, THE ENTIRE LACROSSE TEAM? What's their criteria for choosing someone? Are they being controlled by someone? Is super-charging banshees a side effect or is that the intention to begin with? Is it possible that the people like the lacrosse team are being turned into riders and Stiles and the others in the waiting room are there to be used for something else, like... a position of power maybe? No matter how you slice this orange thoug, you're going to get a big ball of confusion

Back with Scott and the gang, he and Malia seem to be drowning in a basement full of water, wich, ironically, has nothing to do with WHY they're drowning considering that the water seems to be coming from inside their lungs, remember, in Teen Wolf water is tainted/damned/bad, "There's something in the water", I wonder if Caanan has something in the water too or if this is just a manifestation of Teen Wolf's general philosophy on water...? And SPEAKING of water, you didn't think I'd let you go this entire time without mentioning drowning did you? Drowning seems to be a very popular trope in Teen Wolf, a mother drowned her baby according to Lydia in Motel California, wherein Boyd tries to drown himself, Stiles describes drowning with almost an experienced level of detail to Morrel in season two, Jackson rose out of the water as a kanima, Scott was seen drowning in the 3A promos, now there's Caleb and I'm sure I haven't mentioned every instance yet, there's also a popular meta theory that Claudia tried to drown Stiles at one point, remember, she HAS phyiscally attacked him for believing he was killing her, could this be why he knows what it's like to drown? I almost wonder- and by "almost" I mean certainly do- if Lenore is the one who drowned Caleb, maybe by accident or her powers taking over? Interesting that they never said HOW or WHY he drowned, just that he did....

Hey you know how we were just talking about water? Fun fact! The Morrigan prosides over fresh water, particuarly rivers and lakes (there's something about that lake in Beacon Hills I tell you...) She also sees over fate, war, prophecy, and all kinds of other topics, she's represented by/associated with ravens, and is a Tripple Goddess, something we see Lenore represented by in the show (Maiden, mother, crone, Lydia sees her young first, then old in a quick flash, and the majority of the time she's in the middle, this represents the three states of being or  the Triple Goddess) I could honestly do an entire meta on The Morrigan but ya'll.... ya'll... it's almost seven in the morning and I still have things I have to do... so maybe another time, though I have a feeling @Athenadark is going to get there first ;)

FINALLY, can I just say how relieved I am that the Sheriff FINALLY finds Stiles' room? I'm thinking he started having a flicker of Stiles when he touched the keys to the jeep

I will return next week bunnies, until then I have... crap to do... and eventually maybe I can sleep.... TTFN- Ta Ta For Now!

#Teen Wolf #season six speculation

[andersonguy-blog1]

Empowerment

A new year, a new me is an exemplary lack-lustrous goal, a goal with little-life in it because it’s aim is to continue to use the outer to complete the inner and in this particular case the outer is in the form of ‘time’. 'A new me’ is a big statement it’s nearly always inflated and elaborate, it doesn’t just hint at small improvements it implies a complete new person and life. The reason I say inflated is because in this context it involves becoming 'bigger and better’ not being humble, gentle, grateful, open, kind. The phrase at the start of this paragraph becomes even more clearly distorted when the idea of becoming 'a person of success with a successful life’ is going to be due to an ambiguous and unrelated cause - a change of date in the calendar. '2017 is going to be the year I make it’ is overlooking the simple truth that one has already made it. One is a perception that one has not yet found life and needs too and the other is knowing they are life itself.

Goals become empowered with divine inspiration when they serve universal intent. Essentially anything that helps us appreciate the fullness of life in the moment is the higher intelligence at work and anything that can help keep us in the dream state of separateness goes against it. Music that connects, ice cream that tastes soooo good, businesses that unexpectedly give back or surprise, inspirational stories, David Attenboroughs commentary and the production of planet earth and so on are things that humanity offer to enhance the moment of the now. Nature, the solar system, beautiful scenery, beautiful animals and the space that allows everything to exist are the greatest enhancements to the now though and they are created by the same intelligence that created us. We are one and whole with the source of all life, we are intrinsically connected to a higher intelligence greater than ourselves and we are here to serve it. We can’t serve it without serving each other so a goal that includes and not excludes, that serves 'we’ and not 'me’, that inspires others and a goal that resonates with the 'higher energy frequency that created all that is’ are the only goals that are free from polarity (turning off and on) because they both fulfil and create simultaneously. The most important aspect of a universally aligned goal is to honour every moment in time of creation/improvement/innovation. It’s important to know what direction your going in but it doesn’t need to be compulsively revisited in the mind, when every step of the way is appreciated and honoured then the goal is continually fulfilling in itself. When the now is priority and past/future are rarely visited then life is a celebration, the concept of failing is no more and instead joy and enthusiasm become the predominant states of being independent of results or anything else external. One simply enjoys every moment of creation not the thought of the fruits of it so a goal is just a lovely addition to continuing to revel in life’s 'now’, it doesn’t make life we are life but it can add to it beautifully.

The three best things I learnt in 2016 was what true love is, how destructive preaching can be and how to cease judging myself and others. I don’t mean all these things are permanent, they can all come and go still but I often taste 'the nectar’ their virtuosity provide. The best thing I have learnt is that I am not 'me’ I am 'we’ and I see the angel in everyone when I see my own. For some good time now I have spoken nothing but sweetness of others and when I do see the 'faults’ operating in them I nearly always speak of them peacefully, this has been perhaps the greatest achievement in my life. It’s a conscious choice that liberates because it goes against the conformity grain of social acceptability, I no longer follow so many thoughts that many others follow. It’s insane that true love isn’t usually socially acceptable, an example could be sitting next to a homeless person and spending time with him or her, maybe even eating dinner with them, something I’d love to do actually. (I wrote about it a few weeks ago and I am still yet to give gifts to the homeless because I reconsidered my idea about giving them books, I don’t think this is loving now, anyway il talk about this in a separate post). But yea many people won’t exactly embrace an act of kindness such as this, 'it’s too much’, and they will be uncomfortable with the idea, some may even think what the hell are you doing haha. Following one another or rather people acting like sheep is only people wanting to be around others who think and subsequently act the same as they do. There is comfort to be found in finding people who think-alike because loneliness is lifted 'oh, I’m not as separate as I thought’ - until another debilitating thought comes up. Destructive thoughts are allowed to roam free because so many are possessed by their mind, they value it higher than their inner beauty because they don’t yet know how it feels. Once they experience it though they won’t want anything else, nothing will or will want to be valued higher. Destructive thoughts create destructive effects and in the physical realm the effects can’t alleviate until the cause is resolved. Rather than being possessed by mind one can be possessed by God (or possessed by love if you don’t connect with the word God). I spend more of my life free of being comforted by thoughts and burdened by them too, and the best thing about it is it’s a gift available to anyone. The overcoming the preaching bit has taken the most time to see-through. The definition of preaching is 'to publicly proclaim or teach (a religious message or belief) or to sincerely advocate (a belief or course of action).’ So the definition of preaching is rather beautiful and peaceful but the word has got a heavy connotation to it. That’s because most preaching isn’t so accepting, it could otherwise be known as forceful-preaching and I used to do it much more often, i bought up spirituality and the idea of it to my friends and family in conversation without them showing interest. If you have found yourself preaching and you find it hard to stop it’s certainly something you will do less of the more you become aware of the mechanism behind it. And the driving force is usually 'look what I know that you don’t yet, look how great I am’. Because I haven’t had a big ego for sometime now I have never lived so gracefully, because it operates in me less I don’t feel so much pain. I do still feel pain but it becomes more obvious how diminished it is when things happen that would usually really pain me don’t anymore. So instead when I feel any thing unsettling I go straight to the 'problem’ in me not the problem I perceive caused it outside of me, which never really does it’s always me causing my own suffering. We all create our own pain and the more we believe someone or something else did or does the more intense we feel it and the longer its vibrational frequency operates. Whenever I may meet someone my upmost priority is to be free of suggesting she finds her radiant inner beauty in any situation by trying to tell her how too. Instead I want to watch what’s not beautiful in her like I do in me, i want to let it all go. I want to always be playful and light with her which may seem impossible but it’s kind of fun to do the impossible as Walt Disney said or at least aim for it. Although I may know that she has not yet seen how powerful she is it takes great power to let her be as she is anyway, the more she is celebrated for who she is in the moment no matter how hateful or judgemental she may be being the more love flows through the cracks. Suggesting that there is euphoria to be experienced is lovely but not so lovely when you suggest how - which can only be by facing ones own negativity/problems/inner devil otherwise known as ego. The ego is on high alert to anything that may reduce and bring about its end so the 'thought’ of its destruction will make it stronger. This is why true love cannot be bestowed on another, it’s a delicate process becoming aware that one has an entity in them that is self destructive. And it’s even more delicate to realise the entity is so prominent it’s pretending to be who one thinks they already are nearly all the time. 'You have an entity in you that is inhabiting your life greatly and also your not conscious of it either, you don’t even know you think it’s you’ are words if uttered to another become just as insane as the ego itself. Expressed in this way makes the insanity more obvious, maybe it will help you too if you have ever found yourself trying to change another because you are absolute certain it’s for 'their own benefit’, maybe reading what I wrote is as clear to you too just how insane it can be (and negative) to say such elaborate words to try and help someone realise their own love, beauty, life essence. No matter how good and noble it may feel to want to try and help save someone it is incomparable to loving them just as they are. The secret to experiencing euphoria is to see the ego in them just like you do in you but let it happen, let it continue to operate in them and love them. Your love is likely to hurt him or her when they can’t yet reciprocate your trueness by them feeling bad/guilty but their opposition to true love is their ego and we are powerless to stopping this for them. But we can be exceptional by accepting them in their entirety and when we can’t we can see what in us in not accepting, not what they need to do differently.

[blognotbydesign]

Working Title

After a cursory read of Ian Lynam’s, ‘That’s Entertainment!...’ essay, because that’s all I could manage, I can safely say, ‘One is not amused’.

Firstly, what ghastly design, or lack thereof, and that typeface. I don’t care how he justifies its use, it’s beyond, just beyond disgusting. To me it’s akin to using Comic Sans and that’s saying something.

Also, why does every essay Mark sends us to read (if you can call it this) use so many overinflated words. Side note, I’ll work on a better description for these later. Before I can even read the text, I first have to decipher what every second word or so means... and the list is long, enough to be annoying. If you have a point to make just make it. Don’t beat around the bush I say.

In a vain attempt to understand what Lynam is trying to say, let me break it some of it down into plain English:

Out of the gate, Lynam’s references a neoliberal era: what is this, did or does it exist, or did this guy just make it up? More research needed here! According to Google dictionary, firstly it should have a hyphen between the neo and liberal, and secondly here’s their definition...

Neoliberal adjective relating to or denoting a modified form of liberalism tending to favour free-market capitalism.

Lynam then sets the premise of his essay by stating, 'the sphere of cultural production and assorted economies attached to graphic design consistently ignore intellectualism as operational methodology'.

The puppeteers, the ones running the cultural show and fat cats with all the money who are in charge. This is what I take away from this sentence and it worries me somewhat. Everything is life is orchestrated, this much I know to be true. It’s scary when mentioned in anything remotely graphic design related. The two notions seem at polar ends of the spectrum of corruption and greed... or are they.

Intellectualism noun the exercise of the intellect at the expense of the emotions.

Next Lynam’s goes on to quote Jeffery Keedy's eponymous 2013 essay which describes global style, on an emotional level, as something that ‘sublimates quotidian boredom’.  

Sublimate verb 3rd person present: (in psychoanalytic theory) divert or modify (an instinctual impulse) into a culturally higher or socially more acceptable activity.

Quotidian adjective of or occurring every day; daily.

We’re numb to the cultural content that surrounds us, immune to its effects and becoming increasingly aware of its lack of substance? I don’t know what either is trying to say, but this my interpretation anyway. 

Ennui noun a feeling of listlessness and dissatisfaction arising from a lack of occupation or excitement.

Extraneous adjective irrelevant or unrelated to the subject being dealt with.

Fordist policies aka Fordism is a tag used to characterise the post-1945 long boom experienced by western nations. It is typified by a cycle of mass production and mass consumption, the production of standardized (most often) consumer items to be sold in (typically) protected domestic markets, and the use of Keynesian economic policies.

It’s odd, considering its more gruesome descriptive nature, but the next paragraph struck me: ‘The political poster today is the semantic equivalent of a bloated corpse floating in an aquatic environment... There is a body, but there is little to distinguish it as unique, much less rebellious in nature.’

At this point in time, 70+ years since graphic design became a recognised discipline, have we simply run out of ideas? When you think back over the course of art history, are we not caught in a perpetual loop of repeat, regurgitate and refresh? Nothing is new anymore. No idea is original.

Semantic adjective relating to meaning in language or logic.

‘Graphic design itself is increasingly fractured and graphic designers must be adept at more skills and specializations than ever before.’ My response to this: as a designer I must become a jack of all [art] trades in order to succeed, and I feel the weight of this pressure.

I disagree with Lynam’s summation that 'designers are more free than ever’. Not when taking into account political correctness and what not. I do, however, feel the tie of my workstation, or more accurately, laptop. I am certain it is preventing rather than aiding me becoming a truly great designer. Yet I cannot escape it. The pressure is always there to learn all the design programmes and packages, become an expert in them and thus a multifaceted designer in order to succeed in the industry.

Polyphonic adjective producing or involving many sounds or voices.

And living, existing, and experiencing life in the midst of a global pandemic, a time that will later become of great historial importance, Lynam’s words that ‘the possibility of actual freedom from control is nearly nonexistent in the contemporary moment’ could not feel more acurate. Forgive my brief meandering into the realm of conspiracy theories but something is afoot here. Whether it’s design we’re talking about or daily life, we are all being controlled by the powers that be, the one percenters or the whatever you may wish to call them. Very little lately feels like freewill and is more akin to an expected response to a predetermined situation?!

It’s funny how many articles and blogs, videos and what nots are being thrown our way to encourage us to use our time in lockdown to play, be creative and constructive when, as Lynam puts it ‘the Information Economy [had previously] destroyed boredom by occupying citizens' time while simultaneously deskilling them’. Now the one thing we do have in spades is time and many, like me, are using it to get back to basics. It’s no laughing matter how easily we are all controlled in this way - to work or play or work again.

Another frightening side note, when someone like Lynam points it out... because I hadn’t stopped to think about it before... Adobe has a virtual monopoly on specific software. With no competition or barely any, economics aside, how does this encourage creativity. In my humble opinion, it doesn’t and cannot. 

Ontological adjective

1. relating to the branch of metaphysics dealing with the nature of being."ontological arguments" 2. showing the relations between the concepts and categories in a subject area or domain.

We are all controlled. Simple. Even down to our creative responses. Just look at Pinterest and Behance, Instagram and other social media platforms for example. We see something, the latest trend or fashion, we mimic it, we embrace it, we try to make it our own but in essence this isn’t what’s really happening, and then we repeat the process all over again and again. 

Ostensible adjective stated or appearing to be true, but not necessarily so.

What others think to be true, is in fact highly likely the opposite. I know this makes me sound like a crazy person yet I cannot help but think it.

Raison d’etre noun the most important reason or purpose for someone or something's existence.

We create reasons to exist. Whether it be to go to college, get married or become a designer, in my case. Without a reason, there is no reason to exist. I mean what is the point to life?

If it is all about money, which largely it appears to be, then as a designer I’m a bit stuffed. While the ‘value of design [may be] increasing socially’, it’s  economic value is not. Too many people think the can become or are designers simply by using Photoshop and selling bits on Etsy. It diminishes the importance of my degree, the value of design and being a designer, the years it will take me to become a bloody good one. But hasn’t this also happened in the wider art world? Many think they are artists, painters, sculptors or potters when they are not. Not even remotely to the likes of Michelangelo or Da Vinci status. 

Reading an exert from ‘an as-yet unpublished essay by Randy Nakamura and Ian Lynam', a realisation that I am about to begin working in a defunked industry is dawning on me with statements such as ‘The ubiquity of the overused catchwords “creativity” and “innovation” are perhaps the surest indicators that a culture is in decline' and ‘...how is it even possible to talk about creativity in a way that is neither insipid nor irrelevant?’, and ‘Innovation, creativity’s idiot cousin, is in barely better condition.’ 

Add play to creativity and innovation and these words are the very basis of my own arguement that in order to be a good, if not great, designer - to create innovative solutions to many of life’s problems - we need to adopt a more playful attitude. I, therefore, cannot agree with Lynam’s statement that ‘almost anything can be considered the product of innovation’. Hard work does not help you innovate. It is but one element in a melting pot of skills and attributes, that not everyone has I might add, needed to cultivate innovation.

With a list of suggested reading and various, rather random, downloadable PDF’s as a last and closing thought to Lynam’s piece, I am left with a complete opposite feeling of being entertained.

http://entertain.ianlynam.com

#ianlynam #entertainment #thatsentertainment #oneisnotamused

[creativesblok]

Return re·​turn \ ri-ˈtərn  \

Verb 1. come or go back to a place or person. . go back to (a particular situation). . divert one’s attention back to. . reoccur after a period of absence. 2. give, put, or send (something) back to a place or person. . feel, say, or do (the same feeling, action, etc.) in response. . (in tennis and other sports) hit or send (the ball) back to an opponent.

Noun 1. an act of coming or going back to a place or activity. . an act of going back to an earlier state or situation. . the action of returning something. . (in tennis and other sports) a stroke played in response to a serve or other stroke by one’s opponent. . a thing which has been given or sent back. . a ticket which allows someone to travel to a place and back again. . an electrical conductor bringing a current back to its source. . a second contest between the same opponents. 2. a profit from an investment. 3. an official report or statement submitted in response to a formal demand. 4. a mechanism or key on a typewriter that returns the carriage to a fixed position at the start of a new line.

In Lexico by Oxford

Theme

REturn is the second Trashion Tribe photo shoot and a very special one in which I dress my own creations and go for a walk in a wild London’s alley with my father, the photographer Fernando Matoso.

It’s very rare that I pose for someone’s camera but I felt the urge to register and now share this moment as a way to overcome certain vulnerabilities and strengthen my willpower. The result is a photo essay exploring the connection with and the way back to the source through the transformation of the self and surrounding matter. It represents the ambiguity of our times and aims to challenge us to envision a transformation that for long is calling upon us all.

We are made of the same water that runs in the rivers, the same earth below our feet and even the same dust from far away stars. We will always be a part of Nature and the more we nurture it, the more we can evolve as a species but if we destroy it, it will eventually turn us back into dirt.

We live in what many call a “point of no return”. It is not a myth that human actions are condemning all life on earth as we know it and that substantial change is becoming eminent, but in truth, either one way or the other, we are returning to the source, because there’s no way out of it.

It’s all part of cycles within cycles, endings and beginnings intertwined until infinity and it’s up to us to dance and flow but also create and seed the change we want to see manifested.

“We cannot conceive of matter being formed of nothing, since things require a seed to start from… Therefore there is not anything which returns to nothing, but all things return dissolved into their elements.”

– William Shakespeare

  Constant Change

Returning implies a sort of going back, meaning something was once, then it wasn’t and then it was again. Of course, we know how impossible it is to go back to anything as we keep evolving and nothing really get back to what once was because everything is always changing.

Change has been a constant and my life long partner. I learned to embrace it and now believe it sustains me. Every day I water seeds of change in me and grow acceptance to all that will be left because I understood that to create something new, something else needs to be destroyed and this is true to all in life even though we might not realize that we do it by simply breathing in and out.

It’s normal for change not to know what will become, nevertheless, it furthers one to stretch out of the comfort zone [caterpillar] and develop a new sense of self [butterfly]. I wonder if the dragonfly will remember it’s life as a water naiad or if the butterfly recognizes the flower where she grew from above.

We too go through a metamorphosis in a way, birth and death are still very confusing for us and it’s uncertain what we turn into after this state. And we don’t actually remember being in our mother’s womb or even how we perceived the world around then. Perhaps we were not aware but if we were, wouldn’t we wonder how would life be after that? Or if there was any at all? How different would we be if we remembered how it was? To be in the source? Being born? And what if death was another birth channel?

As if a cycle is ending and a new one is beginning. In reality, there is no end or start as in truth they are the same. Like all opposites, they converge and form one another. Being impossible to set them apart we must indulge in the cyclic dance and flow of life and death.

“Arrival in the world is really a departure and that, which we call departure, is only a return.”

– Dejan Stojanovic

  Returning Cycles

Cycles are not circles but rather spirals, that’s why we’re never here again and that is the importance of Now. All works in cycles and these are a return in a way with an inherent duality in occurrences and perspectives.

Some are short, others very long, there are cycles within cycles and I came to believe they’re kind of cosmic clocks.

REturn is a way back to where it once was, a previous place, state or condition, but if every turn of the way is different, is only to expect that each return will be so too. We never go back as we were because we accumulate experience. Life happens in such ways that it is impossible not to be transformed by it.

We are shaped by the water cycle, the moon phases, the seasons of the year, the coming and going of people or from/to places…

These influences are not always perceivable but invariably present and the more we can accept the tides ups & downs, the easier will be to cruise because life is an ocean and waves our paths, we can surf them or dive but we definitely can’t hide.

We are moved by unseen currents pulled by infinite polarities stretching from within all the way out to space and cycles are the rhythms pulsing us into life.

” If it feels like slipping back into a state you thought you’d finished with, remember that life is a spiral not a roundabout! […] We do indeed revisit things many times, but always from a slightly different perspective or point of view. […] We are never the same person twice, no matter how much we may feel ourselves to be.”

– Sarah Varcas

  Self Duality

It all emerges from connecting with our own breath, understanding our inner cycles, dancing to our own rhythms so we can then tune with what resonates best with us, knowing that even that will change but fully trusting in the way.

Self discovery always leads to self duality. When we allow all of our self to express we find contradictions between aspects or parts of our whole hiding or closed away.

  When we stop fighting or deceiving these parts we start forgiving and loving ourselves and others more readily, living more happily.

As I look back, I recognize how certain cycles and patterns have been playing in loop, and how far out I have walked to find my way back [with]in. It has taken me an incredible amount of time and inner work to overcome certain dualities, fears, habits and especially fake truths I kept about myself and to return feeling and being me.

I know the journey is never really over and we must keep juggling our lights/shadows but most of all we must keep returning to our life force wild nature to remember our flow.

If we understand that night forms the day, that shadow is cast by light or that opposites depend on one another, we can comprehend that unity is born of diversity and that we’re each made of many while part of a bigger organism, connected in an infinite moment, called a singularity.

“Mist to mist, drops to drops. For water thou art, and unto water shalt thou return.”

– Kamand Kojouri

Wild Love

We can experience this singularity when and only when we’re feeling love. When we are taken by rage or fear we always feel the opposite, and create a wall separating us. Love is the spice of life holding us together to the natural world and the source of life itself.

The importance of letting love grow free and wild is because only then can it be true. Love for the wild enhances a wild sort of love in which raw sincerity is carved with tenderness and delivered with humour.

Wild love is letting in but also letting go, is to accept emotional seasons and to respect both cycles of abundance and scarcity, of closeness and freedom, of joy and boredom… To know that one follows the other in an ever ending dance is to love fearlessly trusting unconditionally. Is to become aware and adapt to change with respect, honesty and compassion for ourselves and the other, supporting each others growth.

Unfortunately, love is often seen as a superficial moment in time when everything is in tune and not the whole spectrum is as experienced by most. We expect to meet the perfect person but are not willing to endure the growing pains of overcoming our shadows together. We give up easily when love isn’t breezy, as we expect it to be a sort of effortless magic that happens unexpectedly to the lucky ones.

Life really is a mysterious weaving of places, moments and dreams, each one of us is connected with all others one way or another and mainly in invisible ways, so we can’t always see what moves us but it still does no matter what…

  “If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don’t, they never were.”

– Khalil Gibran

  Body, Art & Words Diana Matoso www.dsway.org

Photography Fernando Matoso @fernandomatosophotography

___ London 2019

___ Preview full PDF below or download it here.

#gallery-0-15 { margin: auto; } #gallery-0-15 .gallery-item { float: left; margin-top: 10px; text-align: center; width: 33%; } #gallery-0-15 img { border: 2px solid #cfcfcf; } #gallery-0-15 .gallery-caption { margin-left: 0; } /* see gallery_shortcode() in wp-includes/media.php */

REturn, a Trashion Tribe photo essay Return re·​turn \ ri-ˈtərn  \ Verb 1. come or go back to a place or person.

#Art #artistic #body #change #Diana Matoso #essays #fashion #Fernando Matoso #London #model #Nature #photo essay #photography #plastic #posing #REturn #reuse #thoughts #Trashion Tribe #trees #upcycling #walk #words

[dsway]

Return re·​turn \ ri-ˈtərn  \

Verb 1. come or go back to a place or person. . go back to (a particular situation). . divert one’s attention back to. . reoccur after a period of absence. 2. give, put, or send (something) back to a place or person. . feel, say, or do (the same feeling, action, etc.) in response. . (in tennis and other sports) hit or send (the ball) back to an opponent.

Noun 1. an act of coming or going back to a place or activity. . an act of going back to an earlier state or situation. . the action of returning something. . (in tennis and other sports) a stroke played in response to a serve or other stroke by one’s opponent. . a thing which has been given or sent back. . a ticket which allows someone to travel to a place and back again. . an electrical conductor bringing a current back to its source. . a second contest between the same opponents. 2. a profit from an investment. 3. an official report or statement submitted in response to a formal demand. 4. a mechanism or key on a typewriter that returns the carriage to a fixed position at the start of a new line.

In Lexico by Oxford

Theme

REturn is the second Trashion Tribe photo shoot and a very special one in which I dress my own creations and go for a walk in a wild London’s alley with my father, the photographer Fernando Matoso.

It’s very rare that I pose for someone’s camera but I felt the urge to register and now share this moment as a way to overcome certain vulnerabilities and strengthen my willpower. The result is a photo essay exploring the connection with and the way back to the source through the transformation of the self and surrounding matter. It represents the ambiguity of our times and aims to challenge us to envision a transformation that for long is calling upon us all.

  We are made of the same water that runs in the rivers, the same earth below our feet and even the same dust from far away stars. We will always be a part of Nature and the more we nurture it, the more we can evolve as a species but if we destroy it, it will eventually turn us back into dirt.

  We live in what many call a “point of no return”. It is not a myth that human actions are condemning all life on earth as we know it and that substantial change is becoming eminent, but in truth, either one way or the other, we are returning to the source, because there’s no way out of it.

It’s all part of cycles within cycles, endings and beginnings intertwined until infinity and it’s up to us to dance and flow but also create and seed the change we want to see manifested.

“We cannot conceive of matter being formed of nothing, since things require a seed to start from… Therefore there is not anything which returns to nothing, but all things return dissolved into their elements.”

– William Shakespeare

  Constant Change

Returning implies a sort of going back, meaning something was once, then it wasn’t and then it was again. Of course, we know how impossible it is to go back to anything as we keep evolving and nothing really get back to what once was because everything is always changing.

Change has been a constant and my life long partner. I learned to embrace it and now believe it sustains me. Every day I water seeds of change in me and grow acceptance to all that will be left because I understood that to create something new, something else needs to be destroyed and this is true to all in life even though we might not realize that we do it by simply breathing in and out.

  It’s normal for change not to know what will become, nevertheless, it furthers one to stretch out of the comfort zone [caterpillar] and develop a new sense of self [butterfly]. I wonder if the dragonfly will remember it’s life as a water naiad or if the butterfly recognizes the flower where she grew from above.

We too go through a metamorphosis in a way, birth and death are still very confusing for us and it’s uncertain what we turn into after this state. And we don’t actually remember being in our mother’s womb or even how we perceived the world around then. Perhaps we were not aware but if we were, wouldn’t we wonder how would life be after that? Or if there was any at all? How different would we be if we remembered how it was? To be in the source? Being born? And what if death was another birth channel?

As if a cycle is ending and a new one is beginning. In reality, there is no end or start as in truth they are the same. Like all opposites, they converge and form one another. Being impossible to set them apart we must indulge in the cyclic dance and flow of life and death.

“Arrival in the world is really a departure and that, which we call departure, is only a return.”

– Dejan Stojanovic

  Returning Cycles

Cycles are not circles but rather spirals, that’s why we’re never here again and that is the importance of Now. All works in cycles and these are a return in a way with an inherent duality in occurrences and perspectives.

Some are short, others very long, there are cycles within cycles and I came to believe they’re kind of cosmic clocks.

REturn is a way back to where it once was, a previous place, state or condition, but if every turn of the way is different, is only to expect that each return will be so too. We never go back as we were because we accumulate experience. Life happens in such ways that it is impossible not to be transformed by it.

We are shaped by the water cycle, the moon phases, the seasons of the year, the coming and going of people or from/to places…

These influences are not always perceivable but invariably present and the more we can accept the tides ups & downs, the easier will be to cruise because life is an ocean and waves our paths, we can surf them or dive but we definitely can’t hide.

We are moved by unseen currents pulled by infinite polarities stretching from within all the way out to space and cycles are the rhythms pulsing us into life.

” If it feels like slipping back into a state you thought you’d finished with, remember that life is a spiral not a roundabout! […] We do indeed revisit things many times, but always from a slightly different perspective or point of view. […] We are never the same person twice, no matter how much we may feel ourselves to be.”

– Sarah Varcas

  Self Duality

It all emerges from connecting with our own breath, understanding our inner cycles, dancing to our own rhythms so we can then tune with what resonates best with us, knowing that even that will change but fully trusting in the way.

Self discovery always leads to self duality. When we allow all of our self to express we find contradictions between aspects or parts of our whole hiding or closed away.

When we stop fighting or deceiving these parts we start forgiving and loving ourselves and others more readily, living more happily.

As I look back, I recognize how certain cycles and patterns have been playing in loop, and how far out I have walked to find my way back [with]in. It has taken me an incredible amount of time and inner work to overcome certain dualities, fears, habits and especially fake truths I kept about myself and to return feeling and being me.

I know the journey is never really over and we must keep juggling our lights/shadows but most of all we must keep returning to our life force wild nature to remember our flow.

If we understand that night forms the day, that shadow is cast by light or that opposites depend on one another, we can comprehend that unity is born of diversity and that we’re each made of many while part of a bigger organism, connected in an infinite moment, called a singularity.

“Mist to mist, drops to drops. For water thou art, and unto water shalt thou return.”

– Kamand Kojouri

Wild Love

We can experience this singularity when and only when we’re feeling love. When we are taken by rage or fear we always feel the opposite, and create a wall separating us. Love is the spice of life holding us together to the natural world and the source of life itself.

The importance of letting love grow free and wild is because only then can it be true. Love for the wild enhances a wild sort of love in which raw sincerity is carved with tenderness and delivered with humour.

Wild love is letting in but also letting go, is to accept emotional seasons and to respect both cycles of abundance and scarcity, of closeness and freedom, of joy and boredom… To know that one follows the other in an ever ending dance is to love fearlessly trusting unconditionally. Is to become aware and adapt to change with respect, honesty and compassion for ourselves and the other, supporting each others growth.

Unfortunately, love is often seen as a superficial moment in time when everything is in tune and not the whole spectrum is as experienced by most. We expect to meet the perfect person but are not willing to endure the growing pains of overcoming our shadows together. We give up easily when love isn’t breezy, as we expect it to be a sort of effortless magic that happens unexpectedly to the lucky ones.

Life really is a mysterious weaving of places, moments and dreams, each one of us is connected with all others one way or another and mainly in invisible ways, so we can’t always see what moves us but it still does no matter what…

  “If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don’t, they never were.”

– Khalil Gibran

  Body, Art & Words Diana Matoso www.dsway.org

Photography Fernando Matoso @fernandomatosophotography

___ London 2019

___ Preview full PDF below or download it here.

#gallery-0-5 { margin: auto; } #gallery-0-5 .gallery-item { float: left; margin-top: 10px; text-align: center; width: 33%; } #gallery-0-5 img { border: 2px solid #cfcfcf; } #gallery-0-5 .gallery-caption { margin-left: 0; } /* see gallery_shortcode() in wp-includes/media.php */

REturn, a Trashion Tribe photo essay Return re·​turn \ ri-ˈtərn  \ Verb 1. come or go back to a place or person.

#Art #artistic #body #change #Diana Matoso #essays #Fashion #Fernando Matoso #London #model #Nature #photo essay #photography #plastic #posing #REturn #reuse #thoughts #Trashion Tribe #trees #upcycling #walk #words

[silviajburke]

Recession Could Be Closer Than Most Realize

This post Recession Could Be Closer Than Most Realize appeared first on Daily Reckoning.

The conventional definition of gross domestic product, GDP, has four main parts. These are consumption, investment, government spending, and net exports.

This definition is usually expressed in equation form as GDP = C + I + G + (X – M). But, these parts do not affect the economy equally. Consumption is far and away the most important component.

Consumption is almost 70% of the total economy.

But the impact of consumption does not stop there.

If consumption slows down, investment may slow down. Businesses will not invest in buildings and heavy equipment unless the customers are there to purchase the output needed to justify those investments in the first place.

Simply put: when the consumer catches a cold, the entire economy can get pneumonia.

Something like that appears to be happening. Despite some positive numbers that came out yesterday, retail sales have been down sharply due to a combination of weak wage growth, income inequality (“average” gains have been heavily skewed to the wealthy, leaving most Americans worse off), and deflationary expectations.

On top of this, the Fed is creating headwinds with rate hikes and by reducing the money supply through its new program of quantitative tightening, or QT. With stock market indices hitting new all-time highs almost daily, and the economy hitting stall speed, a severe stock market correction is in the cards.

How did we get here?

In the past seven years, major central banks have created over $15 trillion of new money, mostly through purchases of government bonds.

These money printing and bond purchase programs have been called QE1, QE2 and QE3 in the U.S., Euro-QE in Europe and QQE (quantitative and qualitative easing) in Japan.

All of these programs and exotic variations such as “Operation Twist” have failed to achieve self-sustaining growth anywhere near former trends, and have failed to achieve the 2% inflation targets of those central banks.

We have not had much consumer price inflation, but we have had huge asset price inflation. The printed money has to go somewhere. Instead of chasing goods, investors have been chasing yield.

But the stock market and the bond market are sending two different messages today.

Stocks seem to break records every other day. The Dow is trading above 22,000 for the first time ever. The S&P is also at or near record highs. Meanwhile, the Nasdaq continues its record run.

If the Fed’s hiking rates earlier this year were supposed to take some steam out of the bull, it didn’t work.

But the bond market is telling a different story. The 10-year Treasury bond yield has fallen from 2.4% in mid-May to 2.26% today. Falling yields suggest weakening growth or possibly recession ahead, the opposite of what the stock market is saying.

If bond yields are falling because deflation is ruining the Fed’s plans to reflate the economy, is that a reason for stocks to go up? If bond yields are signaling recession, should you really be bidding up stock prices to extreme levels based on a theory of yield “parity?”

This behavior defies common sense and economic history, but it’s exactly what we’re seeing in the markets today.

At some point, probably sooner than later, the reality of central bank impotence and looming recession will sink in and stock valuations will collapse. The drop will be violent, perhaps 30% or more in a few months.

You don’t want to be over-allocated to stocks when that happens.

This analysis applies to more than just stocks. It applies to a long list of risky assets including residential real estate, commercial real estate, emerging markets securities, junk bonds and more.

It only takes a crash in one market to spread contagion to all of the others.

The inability of central banks to deal with crisis and the complete loss of confidence by investors in the efficacy of central bank policy.

The last two global liquidity panics were 1998 (caused by emerging markets currencies, Russia, and Long-Term Capital Management) and 2008 (caused by sub-prime mortgages, Lehman Brothers and AIG).

Another smaller liquidity panic arose in 2010 due to problems in Middle Eastern and European sovereign debt (caused by Dubai, Greece, Cyprus and the European periphery). In all three cases, central bank money printing combined with government and IMF bail-outs were enough to restore calm.

But these bailouts came at a high cost. Central banks have little room to cut rates or print money in a future crisis, even with the Fed’s recent hikes. That’s why the Fed is so determined to raise rates, so it can cut them again when it needs to. Of course by raising rates into a weakening economy, the Fed could be creating the very crisis it’s trying to avoid. The strategy might sound nuts, but that’s how they think.

Meanwhile, taxpayers are in full revolt against more bailouts. And governments around the world are experiencing political polarization. There is simply no will and no ability to deal with the next panic or recession when it hits.

With central banks around the world doing everything possible to cause inflation (QE, ZIRP, NIRP, helicopter money, currency wars, forward guidance, etc.), what does it say about confidence in central banks that inflation expectations are falling, not rising?

The systemic dangers are clear. The world is moving toward a sovereign debt crisis because of too much debt and not enough growth. Declining productivity is the last nail in the coffin in terms of countries’ ability to deal with the debt.

Inflation would help diminish the real value of the debt, but central banks have proved impotent at generating inflation. Now central banks face the prospect of recession and more deflation with few policy options to fight it.

Persistent low rates have not caused inflation, but they have caused asset bubbles, which threaten to pop and unleash a financial panic on their own — independent of tight financial conditions.

When this new panic hits (either from a liquidity shortage or bursting asset bubbles), investors will have no confidence in the ability of central banks to limit the panic. Unlike 1998 and 2008, the next panic will be unstoppable without extreme measures — including IMF money printing, lock-downs of banks and money market funds, and possible martial law in response to money riots.

You should have gold and other hard assets to weather this storm.

One sign that investors sense a coming crisis is that demand for secure vaulting space in major financial centers like London and Frankfurt is soaring. There are plenty of bank safe deposit boxes in those cities, but investors are insisting on non-bank vaults because they understand that the banks cannot be trusted in a panic.

As a result, proprietors of non-bank vaults can’t build them fast enough.

This is one indicator that reveals three important facts. The first is that investors feel a panic may be near and the time to act is now. The second is that investors don’t trust banks. And the third is that investors are buying gold to protect themselves since that’s the main tangible that people put in their private vaults.

Don’t wait until the panic hits to secure your gold and make arrangements for safe storage. The time to act is now.

You should never go “all in” on any one asset class including gold, which is why I recommend putting only 10% of your investable assets in gold.

But you want to own gold now, before the next crisis strikes. It could be here much faster than you think.

Regards,

Jim Rickards for The Daily Reckoning

The post Recession Could Be Closer Than Most Realize appeared first on Daily Reckoning.

[dsway]

Return re·​turn \ ri-ˈtərn  \ 

Verb 1. come or go back to a place or person. . go back to (a particular situation). . divert one’s attention back to. . reoccur after a period of absence. 2. give, put, or send (something) back to a place or person. . feel, say, or do (the same feeling, action, etc.) in response. . (in tennis and other sports) hit or send (the ball) back to an opponent.

Noun 1. an act of coming or going back to a place or activity. . an act of going back to an earlier state or situation. . the action of returning something. . (in tennis and other sports) a stroke played in response to a serve or other stroke by one’s opponent. . a thing which has been given or sent back. . a ticket which allows someone to travel to a place and back again. . an electrical conductor bringing a current back to its source. . a second contest between the same opponents. 2. a profit from an investment. 3. an official report or statement submitted in response to a formal demand. 4. a mechanism or key on a typewriter that returns the carriage to a fixed position at the start of a new line.

In Lexico by Oxford

  Theme

REturn is the second Trashion Tribe photo shoot and a very special one in which I dress my own creations and go for a walk in a wild London’s alley with my father, the photographer Fernando Matoso. 

It’s very rare that I pose for someone’s camera but I felt the urge to register and now share this moment as a way to overcome certain vulnerabilities and strengthen my willpower. The result is a photo essay exploring the connection with and the way back to the source through the transformation of the self and surrounding matter. It represents the ambiguity of our times and aims to challenge us to envision a transformation that for long is calling upon us all.

We are made of the same water that runs in the rivers, the same earth below our feet and even the same dust from far away stars. We will always be a part of Nature and the more we nurture it, the more we can evolve as a species but if we destroy it, it will eventually turn us back into dirt.

We live in what many call a “point of no return”. It is not a myth that human actions are condemning all life on earth as we know it and that substantial change is becoming eminent, but in truth, either one way or the other, we are returning to the source, because there’s no way out of it.

It’s all part of cycles within cycles, endings and beginnings intertwined until infinity and it’s up to us to dance and flow but also create and seed the change we want to see manifested.

“We cannot conceive of matter being formed of nothing, since things require a seed to start from… Therefore there is not anything which returns to nothing, but all things return dissolved into their elements.”

– William Shakespeare

  Constant Change

Returning implies a sort of going back, meaning something was once, then it wasn’t and then it was again. Of course, we know how impossible it is to go back to anything as we keep evolving and nothing really get back to what once was because everything is always changing.

Change has been a constant and my life long partner. I learned to embrace it and now believe it sustains me. Every day I water seeds of change in me and grow acceptance to all that will be left because I understood that to create something new, something else needs to be destroyed and this is true to all in life even though we might not realize that we do it by simply breathing in and out.

It’s normal for change not to know what will become, nevertheless, it furthers one to stretch out of the comfort zone [caterpillar] and develop a new sense of self [butterfly]. I wonder if the dragonfly will remember it’s life as a water naiad or if the butterfly recognizes the flower where she grew from above. 

We too go through a metamorphosis in a way, birth and death are still very confusing for us and it’s uncertain what we turn into after this state. And we don’t actually remember being in our mother’s womb or even how we perceived the world around then. Perhaps we were not aware but if we were, wouldn’t we wonder how would life be after that? Or if there was any at all? How different would we be if we remembered how it was? To be in the source? Being born? And what if death was another birth channel? 

As if a cycle is ending and a new one is beginning. In reality, there is no end or start as in truth they are the same. Like all opposites, they converge and form one another. Being impossible to set them apart we must indulge in the cyclic dance and flow of life and death.

“Arrival in the world is really a departure and that, which we call departure, is only a return.”

– Dejan Stojanovic

  Returning Cycles

Cycles are not circles but rather spirals, that’s why we’re never here again and that is the importance of Now. All works in cycles and these are a return in a way with an inherent duality in occurrences and perspectives. 

Some are short, others very long, there are cycles within cycles and I came to believe they’re kind of cosmic clocks.

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REturn is a way back to where it once was, a previous place, state or condition, but if every turn of the way is different, is only to expect that each return will be so too. We never go back as we were because we accumulate experience. Life happens in such ways that it is impossible not to be transformed by it.

We are shaped by the water cycle, the moon phases, the seasons of the year, the coming and going of people or from/to places… 

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These influences are not always perceivable but invariably present and the more we can accept the tides ups & downs, the easier will be to cruise because life is an ocean and waves our paths, we can surf them or dive but we definitely can’t hide.

We are moved by unseen currents pulled by infinite polarities stretching from within all the way out to space and cycles are the rhythms pulsing us into life.

” If it feels like slipping back into a state you thought you’d finished with, remember that life is a spiral not a roundabout! […] We do indeed revisit things many times, but always from a slightly different perspective or point of view. […] We are never the same person twice, no matter how much we may feel ourselves to be.”

– Sarah Varcas

  Self Duality

It all emerges from connecting with our own breath, understanding our inner cycles, dancing to our own rhythms so we can then tune with what resonates best with us, knowing that even that will change but fully trusting in the way.

Self discovery always leads to self duality. When we allow all of our self to express we find contradictions between aspects or parts of our whole hiding or closed away.

When we stop fighting or deceiving these parts we start forgiving and loving ourselves and others more readily, living more happily.

As I look back, I recognize how certain cycles and patterns have been playing in loop, and how far out I have walked to find my way back [with]in. It has taken me an incredible amount of time and inner work to overcome certain dualities, fears, habits and especially fake truths I kept about myself and to return feeling and being me.

I know the journey is never really over and we must keep juggling our lights/shadows but most of all we must keep returning to our life force wild nature to remember our flow.

If we understand that night forms the day, that shadow is cast by light or that opposites depend on one another, we can comprehend that unity is born of diversity and that we’re each made of many while part of a bigger organism, connected in an infinite moment, called a singularity.

“Mist to mist, drops to drops. For water thou art, and unto water shalt thou return.”

– Kamand Kojouri

Wild Love

We can experience this singularity when and only when we’re feeling love. When we are taken by rage or fear we always feel the opposite, and create a wall separating us. Love is the spice of life holding us together to the natural world and the source of life itself.

The importance of letting love grow free and wild is because only then can it be true. Love for the wild enhances a wild sort of love in which raw sincerity is carved with tenderness and delivered with humour. 

Wild love is letting in but also letting go, is to accept emotional seasons and to respect both cycles of abundance and scarcity, of closeness and freedom, of joy and boredom… To know that one follows the other in an ever ending dance is to love fearlessly trusting unconditionally. Is to become aware and adapt to change with respect, honesty and compassion for ourselves and the other, supporting each others growth.

Unfortunately, love is often seen as a superficial moment in time when everything is in tune and not the whole spectrum is as experienced by most. We expect to meet the perfect person but are not willing to endure the growing pains of overcoming our shadows together. We give up easily when love isn’t breezy, as we expect it to be a sort of effortless magic that happens unexpectedly to the lucky ones.

Life really is a mysterious weaving of places, moments and dreams, each one of us is connected with all others one way or another and mainly in invisible ways, so we can’t always see what moves us but it still does no matter what…

  “If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don’t, they never were.”

– Khalil Gibran

  Body, Art & Words Diana Matoso www.dsway.org

Photography Fernando Matoso @fernandomatosophotography

___ London 2019

REturn is the second Trashion Tribe photo shoot and a very special one in which I dress my own creations and go for a walk in a wild London’s alley with my father, the photographer Fernando Matoso.  The result is a photo essay exploring the connection with and the way back to the source through the transformation of the self and surrounding matter.  Return re·​turn \ ri-ˈtərn  \  Verb 1. come or go back to a place or person.

#art #artistic #body #change #diana matoso #essays #fashion #Fernando Matoso #London #model #nature #photo essay #Photography #plastic #posing #REturn #reuse #thoughts #Trashion Tribe #trees #upcycling #walk #words

[silviajburke]

Recession Could Be Closer Than Most Realize

This post Recession Could Be Closer Than Most Realize appeared first on Daily Reckoning.

The conventional definition of gross domestic product, GDP, has four main parts. These are consumption, investment, government spending, and net exports.

This definition is usually expressed in equation form as GDP = C + I + G + (X – M). But, these parts do not affect the economy equally. Consumption is far and away the most important component.

Consumption is almost 70% of the total economy.

In the most recent quarterly report from the Commerce Department, total annualized GDP was $19 trillion and consumption was $13 trillion, or 68%. The impact of consumption does not stop there.

If consumption slows down, investment may slow down. Businesses will not invest in buildings and heavy equipment unless the customers are there to purchase the output needed to justify those investments in the first place.

Simply put: when the consumer catches a cold, the entire economy can get pneumonia.

Something like that appears to be happening. Retail sales are down sharply due to a combination of weak wage growth, income inequality (“average” gains have been heavily skewed to the wealthy, leaving most Americans worse off), and deflationary expectations.

Meanwhile, consumer confidence has fallen to the lowest level since November, and consumer spending fell in May. Inflation was also lower in May.

On top of this, the Fed is creating headwinds with rate hikes and by reducing the money supply through its new program of quantitative tightening, or QT. With stock market indices hitting new all-time highs almost daily, and the economy hitting stall speed, a severe stock market correction is in the cards.

How did we get here?

In the past seven years, major central banks have created over $15 trillion of new money, mostly through purchases of government bonds.

These money printing and bond purchase programs have been called QE1, QE2 and QE3 in the U.S., Euro-QE in Europe and QQE (quantitative and qualitative easing) in Japan.

All of these programs and exotic variations such as “Operation Twist” have failed to achieve self-sustaining growth anywhere near former trends, and have failed to achieve the 2% inflation targets of those central banks.

We have not had much consumer price inflation, but we have had huge asset price inflation. The printed money has to go somewhere. Instead of chasing goods, investors have been chasing yield.

But the stock market and the bond market are sending two different messages today.

The Dow is trading above 21,500 for the first time ever. And the S&P broke out to new highs less than three days after last Wednesday’s rate hike. Meanwhile, the Nasdaq continues its record run. Stocks seem to break records every other day.

If the Fed’s hiking rates to to take some steam out of the bull, it’s not working.

But the bond market is telling a different story. The 10-year Treasury bond yield has fallen from 2.4% in mid-May to 2.16% today. Falling yields suggest weakening growth or possibly recession ahead, the opposite of what the stock market is saying.

If bond yields are falling because deflation is ruining the Fed’s plans to reflate the economy, is that a reason for stocks to go up? If bond yields are signaling recession, should you really be bidding up stock prices to extreme levels based on a theory of yield “parity?”

This behavior defies common sense and economic history, but it’s exactly what we’re seeing in the markets today.

At some point, probably sooner than later, the reality of central bank impotence and looming recession will sink in and stock valuations will collapse. The drop will be violent, perhaps 30% or more in a few months.

You don’t want to be over-allocated to stocks when that happens.

This analysis applies to more than just stocks. It applies to a long list of risky assets including residential real estate, commercial real estate, emerging markets securities, junk bonds and more.

It only takes a crash in one market to spread contagion to all of the others.

The inability of central banks to deal with crisis and the complete loss of confidence by investors in the efficacy of central bank policy.

The last two global liquidity panics were 1998 (caused by emerging markets currencies, Russia, and Long-Term Capital Management) and 2008 (caused by sub-prime mortgages, Lehman Brothers and AIG).

Another smaller liquidity panic arose in 2010 due to problems in Middle Eastern and European sovereign debt (caused by Dubai, Greece, Cyprus and the European periphery). In all three cases, central bank money printing combined with government and IMF bail-outs were enough to restore calm.

But these bailouts came at a high cost. Central banks have little room to cut rates or print money in a future crisis, even with the Fed’s recent hikes. That’s why the Fed is so determined to raise rates, so it can cut them again when it needs to. Of course by raising rates into a weakening economy, the Fed could be creating the very crisis it’s trying to avoid. The strategy might sound nuts, but that’s how they think.

Meanwhile, taxpayers are in full revolt against more bailouts. And governments around the world are experiencing political polarization. There is simply no will and no ability to deal with the next panic or recession when it hits.

With central banks around the world doing everything possible to cause inflation (QE, ZIRP, NIRP, helicopter money, currency wars, forward guidance, etc.), what does it say about confidence in central banks that inflation expectations are falling, not rising?

The systemic dangers are clear. The world is moving toward a sovereign debt crisis because of too much debt and not enough growth. Declining productivity is the last nail in the coffin in terms of countries’ ability to deal with the debt.

Inflation would help diminish the real value of the debt, but central banks have proved impotent at generating inflation. Now central banks face the prospect of recession and more deflation with few policy options to fight it.

Persistent low rates have not caused inflation, but they have caused asset bubbles, which threaten to pop and unleash a financial panic on their own — independent of tight financial conditions.

When this new panic hits (either from a liquidity shortage or bursting asset bubbles), investors will have no confidence in the ability of central banks to limit the panic. Unlike 1998 and 2008, the next panic will be unstoppable without extreme measures — including IMF money printing, lock-downs of banks and money market funds, and possible martial law in response to money riots.

You should have gold and other hard assets to weather this storm.

One sign that investors sense a coming crisis is that demand for secure vaulting space in major financial centers like London and Frankfurt is soaring. There are plenty of bank safe deposit boxes in those cities, but investors are insisting on non-bank vaults because they understand that the banks cannot be trusted in a panic.

As a result, proprietors of non-bank vaults can’t build them fast enough.

This is one indicator that reveals three important facts. The first is that investors feel a panic may be near and the time to act is now. The second is that investors don’t trust banks. And the third is that investors are buying gold to protect themselves since that’s the main tangible that people put in their private vaults.

Don’t wait until the panic hits to secure your gold and make arrangements for safe storage. The time to act is now.

You should never go “all in” on any one asset class including gold, which is why I recommend putting only 10% of your investable assets in gold.

But you want to own gold now, before the next crisis strikes. It could be here much faster than you think.

Regards,

Jim Rickards for The Daily Reckoning

The post Recession Could Be Closer Than Most Realize appeared first on Daily Reckoning.