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#but its.. nearly 2:30 am
nogoawaytism · 5 months
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Okay, so I really like the idea of Silver Bull. (And by "like" I mean it's been burning in my veins for months.)
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Oh shit, it's long.
Realistically, it would take quite a long time to fully develop of course. There's Adam's racism towards humans combined with Merc's inability to really open up to anyone who isn't named Emerald. And of course there's always the angle of the two being an all-around toxic pairing, much angst. Buttt since I'm just a sinnamon roll and want everyone to be healthy and happy, I'm going to go for the healthy variety.
(By the way, in my au, Adam and Ilia are the same age as most of the cast. I never really saw the point of making them older and younger respectively.)
Initially, when Adam is forced to spend time around Emerald and Mercury (the HORROR), it's the worst day ever. You could write at least one full season's worth of a sitcom. Emerald and Mercury just do stupid shit to intentionally piss him off. To be clear, it isn't 100% out of malice. The two have some desire to see him cut loose in spite of everything. From seeing how he fights, they know just how dangerous he is, especially towards humans, but even from the start, there's this sort of mutual respect from both parties. I think Adam would be the one to feel attraction first, and he's horrified that he's capable of feeling attracted towards a human. Inevitably, the shells crack over time. Adam and Mercury aren't blind to the softness that Fox can bring out of Emerald, one different than the one Mercury can sometimes evoke. At this point, the concept of a human and a faunus together romantically is such a foreign concept to Adam- obviously it was horribly taboo in Atlas, and it would be highly looked down upon in the White Fang to say the least. Eventually Adam's curiosity gets the best of him, and he asks Fox "What do you see in her? She's a human!" Fox replies "She's more like me than she is different." and elaborates on the similarity of their pasts. Fox also tells Adam "I can tell there's something that's hurting you too. It's buried deep inside, but it dictates your every step. And I don't think I want to force it out of your mind." Adam's understandably kind of freaked out over Fox's semblance, but there is some innate trust because he is also a faunus. They develop a friendship- probably Adam's first friend that isn't in the White Fang. They've gone through hard times. Neither has a living family, and Adam was blinded in one eye, while Fox has never had vision in either.
Eventually, Adam and Mercury do reveal their pasts to one another of their own volition. It's a big turning point in Adam's worldview, it's not like he wasn't aware that humans could be abused, but rather it's hearing a firsthand account of an especially horrific case, one that's honestly quite similar to his own. For the first time, Adam is connected to a human via mutual understanding, albiet a fucked up one. And for once... it's like those racial barriers aren't there. It's a pair of two scared little boys, experiencing something NO ONE should ever experience, looking into a mirror, plenty of visible scars, and even more invisible ones. Suddenly, all of that repressed pain from over the years, channeled away into rage and destruction for a cause bigger than they are- the dam breaks.
They cry. How many years has it been since their eyelashes have gotten spiky with tears? Or their heads hurt, is it from crying? The beatings? The mental strain? Losing their humanity, as they feel it draining from them day after day? How long has it been since their faces have been flushed from raw emotions that haven't been channeled into a fight? Do the once-familiar sensations of hot tears streaking down their faces, running into their mouths and leaving a salty aftertaste in their mouths feel foreign now?
Even with the freedom fighter and the assassin's hard facades, there is no shame in everything coming forth, because he knows, the man across from you knows, did anyone? Did you give up on anyone knowing? Or are they dead because you survived and they didn't? You thought you could move on, did you really? It's in your face now, those prosthetic legs, that charred flesh, hidden away under fabric to avoid rude or frightened stares.
Where do we go from here?
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mite75 · 1 year
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help me im stuck in one of my highschool manga
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4giorno · 5 months
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omg the screenshots in this dream place are basically accurate 😭💖
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#its like im finally like i can see him i see my darling boy!!!!!#even if the side on our left isnt exactly right still#believe it or not its a big deal to me hkdxjjdfkfkf#anyway some more lore of him that i didnt yet share is that his instrument is the violin his subclass in college of lore#and he has the guild artisan background. so maybe that gives more of a picture of what hes like jdjfhdjjf#lmao SORRY for posting abt him again im just rlly attatched to him bc this game has consumed my brain#and ive played as him for over 30 hours now 💀 and im only at the beginning of act 2 which is crazy bc i didnt do nearly everything in act 1#(but im kinda like am i gonna get to a place over ground again? 💀 i dont like exploring places like the shadow lands or the underdark#in any game so i find it hard to find the strength to wander from the main quest. plus i have a vampire with me#and his bite is useless against the undead 😭)#speaking of which omg i obv just looked at my media gallery and bc the time i died from letting astari0n drink was the first time#that i had that event it gave me the trophy and the ps5 saves a clip of you getting trophies so i have it forever saved#when my character faded away and the 'oh no something terrible happened' comment and the clip KILLS me#also even tho this hair is perfect i have one regret and its that it hides his elf ears 😭#anyway have you seen my boy? now you have byeeeee#(EDIT i actually think i did already say his instrument is the violin....... whoops its too early in the tags to fix)
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aria0fgold · 6 months
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I was straight up boutta prepare to go to bed... after saying am gonna talk lil more bout my own original supernatural species thingy... I forgor... So speedrun, not much rambling hopefully it'll be coherent.
So a portion of my characters have odd names (who am i kidding its nearly all of em) but like there's Panacea. Name means cure-all, his powers are also a cure-all. He's immortal in a way that he doesn't age but got a weakness that can kill him.
I call those OCs of mine "Unknowns" (they have a fr legit actual name to em that the public doesnt know but i also apparently dont as well cuz i wrote it down smwhr i swear i did. but i forgor... i dont where i put the thing and i cant remember the thing).
So like, my Unknowns are a typa being that's a result of some scientists fucking up a perfectly okay human being--
It's a thing that happened cuz of the aftermath from Satan's own temporary reign and near destroying the universe where some materials, ingredients, and what not that wasn't supposed to be accessible to humans ended up getting accessible anyway and yall know what humans love best? Fucking around and finding out.
Panacea is an unfortunate victim. (bullshitting 101 im boutta write stuff ive only thought bout like mins ago but i liike it for him) Basically gonna have Pan once living life happily as a nurse for a children's hospital until the poor guy, wrong place, wrong time, got kidnapped and here we are. Aint human no more, no memories too.
So like, the process is like, being given powers of the thing you're most desperate for during the "examinations." In Pan's case, that was a cure-all. And like, after the transformation, everything bout their human life is stripped away from em and a single word appears in their mind that always has smth to do with their powers. And so that word becomes their name. (off the top of my head i can remember the unknowns are: karma, memoria, replica, reverie... theres a couple more of em i think i once counted like 12)
And the weakness thing! Basically, their weakness is linked to their human life, it's whatever "makes them feel human." Pan has hemophilia, but like the extreme kind where like: small cut? worrying, medium injury? VERY worrying, big wound? might as well die right then and there.
i have like 12 unknowns but i remember only managing to give only a couple of em weaknesses cuz am still figuring the others' story. (i have a lot to say bout memoria theyre like, one of the few that i got a full and proper story for. also yes memoria uses they/them theres a reason for that and i wanna say but tmrw tmrw).
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yamikawas · 2 years
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<-rereading old asks and driving myself insane
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nbie · 2 years
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aw yeah my birthday is officially tomorrow :)
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bump1nthen1ght · 6 months
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A Very Monstrous Kinktober: Day 30 (Free Use)
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Kinks: Free Use
Pairing: Male!Shrine God x GN!Shrine Keeper!Reader
Other Kinks: Doggy Style, Cowgirl
Warnings: Slightly Dubious Consent (Reader is subservient to the god, but has fully consented to this free use relationship)
Word Count: 1087 words
Kinktober Masterlist
A/N: I personally imagined the God character in this to look similar to Gintarou from the anime Gingitsune (though he would never treat you this way)
A lighter flicks in your hand, struggling to produce any flame. You know it has enough fluid, having refilled it not two days ago, but your thumb keeps slipping across the button.
“My l-lord, please,” You pant, sweaty hands struggling to keep a grip on the lighter, “-the incense has to be lit. Please, just wait-”
You gasp, lighter falling out of your hand as you’re forced to press it down to the ground, stopping yourself from falling face first into the temple floor. Sharp hip bones press into your backside, claws digging into the fat of your ass as your lord swivels his hips.
“I do not care about some damned incense, pet.” Your lord spanks your ass hard, his calloused paw leaving a large mark on your skin. “Nor do I care for your obstinance.” Your lord grasps onto your hips, yanking them back onto his eager cock.
A shiver runs up your spine, feeling your lord’s dick twitching inside you. The head rubs deliciously against your insides, scraping along your walls with each thrust, stretching you beyond limits.
“I don't mean to-” You yelp, your lord spanking you again.
“Yet, you don't give your lord his rightful respect.” Claws scrap along your hip, enough to leave irritated stripes on your skin. “It is your duty as shrine keeper to follow my commands, my wishes.” Your lord leans forward and grabs you by the jaw, forcing to arch your back and press against him. “And my wish is to fuck you without distraction.” Your master begins thrusting faster, wrecking your insides, a gasp tearing from your lips. “Is-” slap, “-that-” slap “understood?”
“Yes, my lord!” Your cry, nails nearly clawing into the concrete as you're overstimulated. Your lord gyrates his hips once he’s balls deep, a deep growl in his chest. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry!”
“You are forgiven.” Your lord growls directly into your ear, leaning over your pliant body. His rough tongue licks up your neck, sharp canines dangerously close to your jugular. “Only because you are usually so good for me.”
Its true. Since coming to tend to this temple 2 months ago, you have been an exemplary shrine keeper. You follow your lord’s orders to the T, always diligent and reverent to your god. Falling to your knees when he commands, opening your legs whenever he deems fit. As his subject, your body belongs to your god, an offering he could always indulge in, a hole he could fuck whenever the urge striked him.
You knew what you were signing up for. But you can’t deny your lord’s fervent appetite has made maintaining the temple quite a challenge. You could hardly bend over to scrub the floors without your lord throwing up your robes and indulging in your hole, his covetous hands fondling you at every hour, even when the temple had visitors. The common folk could’t see your god, of course, but still! The impropriety of it all.
Even so, you could hardly complain when your lord brought you to dizzying heights of pleasure. Like right now for example.
“Unggh! How do you stay so tight?!” Your lord calls like an insult, nuzzling into the crook of your neck. “I’ve stretched you open so many times, yet you still milk my cock like a virgin sacrifice.”
“I am yours to use, master.” You pant, eyes sparkling with tears and reverence. “I hope to always satisfy you.”
“That you have, pet.” Your lords voice is a purr in your ear. “So obedient. I am rather lucky to have such a pleasant shrine keeper.”
The compliments have you buzzing in happiness, unintentionally clenching harder around your lord’s cock. He growls in your ear.
“C’mere.” He grabs you by the hips and sits himself backwards. Cock still inside you, you are tossed back onto your masters lap, his fluffy white tails now between your thighs. He deftly spins you around, your hands digging into his furry chest.
“Ride me, pet. Consider it a reward for your hard work.”
You nod, body aching and breathless, but immediately bidding to your lords will. Your hips grind down on his lap, ass throwing up and down onto his cock. You sigh as your nails clench into his fur, your God watching your debauched face with a proud smirk. The same claws that left marks now rub comfortably onto your hips, admiring the scars he left on his pet.
“Does that feel good?”
“Y-yes, my lord.” You pant, ignoring the way your thigh muscles scream.You had been gardening today and were already quite sore. But what your lord commands, you do. “Your cock is magnficiient.”
You can practically see the pride light up on your God’s face, so unbefitting of a deity. By now is usually when he lets you off the hook, grabbing your hips and bouncing you like a fleshlight. It can be a bit rough, but at least it’s a break for your poor quads.
But your lord is cocky, bolstered by the compliment, instead resting both paws behind his head. He likes hearing your heavy breaths, seeing the sweat begin to drip down your chest, your eyes clenching shut. He likes to see you work for it. The rush it gives him is incomparable.
He couldn’t have asked for a better shrine keeper, both in dedication and appearance.
“My l-lord, I’m close.”
You whine, a warning courtesy your master demands. You had expected your God to only chase his own pleasure, to use your body like a tool. But your lord seems to delight in your orgasms, insisting you tell him when yhey wrack your whole body, leave you milking his holy cock.
“Yes, my dear, I can feel it.” Your god licks his lips. “Lets cum together.”
You breathlessly nod, forcing your eyes to open, to watch your master as he likes. Like always his gaze is covetous, dark and almost…menacing.
If you were anyone else, you'd think he was a demon, not a god.
“Ohhh!”
You whine as your lord howls, uncaring of any potential passersby. His cock juts against the very edge of your hole, hips thrown up as his cum fills you to the brim. Your muscles tremble as you feel your own crescendo, feeling slowly returning to your extremities.
Your master is gracious, letting you rest on his warm chest, catching your breath. A soft paw rubs the back of your head.
“Rest, pet.” A claw massages the back of your neck. “The chores can be finished tomorrow.”
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Kung Fu Panda 4 - The Movie
The last really, really long discussion post (for now).
Major spoilers ahead!
This review is full of spoilers, so please refrain from reading through it until you've watched KFP4. I would highly suggest doing so, as I want everyone to form their own opinions without my influence. The movie has its flaws (some of which admittedly being a bit distracting), but it's a fun film that has things to offer.
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Kung Fu Panda 4 is a fun movie (take that as you will) that takes its audience on an action-packed, surprisingly funny, yet relatively contained adventure on which Po doesn't really do much. It's an inconsequential, safe sequel that doesn't really hurt the franchise but adds close to nothing.
I had a good time watching the movie. It was obviously produced with its theater experience in mind and the action scenes especially reflected that priority. The humor was actually funny sometimes and I enjoyed Po and Zhen's dynamic. During the film, I was able to put most (most!) of my grievances aside and take the movie for what it is. I've discovered that the best way to watch KFP4 is with low expectations and an open mind.
I have a lot of things to say about KFP4, both complaints and compliments (though the former might be taking the forefront in this review), and I hope this review can help those of you who have seen the movie organize your thoughts. I've been having a lot of trouble with that specific aspect of things myself. Those who get it get it.
With that said, let's get into my full review of KFP4! I've been waiting for nearly 2 years to write this and I'm so excited to share every single thought.
I'm going to follow the format of my first discussion post and curate a bulleted list of my thoughts, followed by an analysis of each of these points. Keep in mind that everything I say is IMO and this is more of a rant post than anything else.
Here are my main points:
The Furious Five's role is comically minuscule in the context of the film. Their actions are inconsequential and add nothing to the plot (a confirmed last-minute add), and they have 30~ seconds of screen time. Shifu is also largely irrelevant.
Mr. Ping and Li's presence has little to no effect on the movie (though I won't complain too much because they were pretty fun to watch and this movie has bigger problems). In almost any scenario, I am adamantly against having characters present that don't add anything to the narrative; however, Mr. Ping is an exception. I love Mr. Ping. James Hong is a gem.
Zhen's screen time is not utilized well and her character is underdeveloped. She definitely wasn't annoying, but I didn't find her either compelling or funny enough to warrant the screen time she was given, especially considering it wasn't used to establish a backstory/strong motives. This makes me feel bad for the character because the movie kind of screwed her out of any substantial development.
The Chameleon, while complimented greatly by Viola Davis, is an underwhelming villain. Viola Davis is amazing in this film and I would suggest watching it for her performance if for nothing else, but the Chameleon is underwhelming considering the super cool concept behind the character.
The film feels very rushed. Apologies to those who disagree, but I think the pacing is atrocious and the final fight is anticlimactic. The movie felt like a word-vomit with no discernible intermissions that stops abruptly when the film ends.
I felt as though Po didn't change/grow as a person and the audience never had a chance to either bond with or relate to his character. His internal struggle is kept to a minimum and we don't spend a moment alone with him as an audience, which is disorienting and distracting. Watching the film felt like running into an old friend at the store who's too in a rush to have a real conversation.
The action scenes were strong with few exceptions. Creative art direction was utilized and I thought the martial arts choreography was entertaining and dynamic. I love the color palette of the film and many scenes were very impressive visually.
With my main points established, I do believe it's ranting time. Strap in, folks.
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Let's start strong with the Furious Five: I'm gutted. Chagrined, despondent, crestfallen, etc.
The lack of the Furious Five negatively affects KFP4 so much, because not only does their absence hurt the atmospheric integrity of KFP as a franchise, it also forces KFP4 to bring in a slew of different characters—all while still noncommittally including the FF at the very end because I believe the marketing team required it—that clog up the cast a bit. It all goes to show how important strong, established side characters are.
The Furious Five are side characters, but the role of "side character" does not equate to being irrelevant, expendable, or exchangeable. I recognize that the Furious Five aren't super developed as characters beyond a handful of lines that allude to traits sprinkled sparingly among the members; however, I believe that the tiny bits of development we have been given have proved impactful in the past. Tigress's development in KFP2 is a prime example of how much narratively conscious changes (however small they may be) can positively affect these movies.
Because of limited runtimes, the Furious Five often operate as more of a singular unit than five individuals. Even so, I don't think discarding them is valid. They're so important to the KFP universe (to Po's universe!) and not having them with him feels so wrong. The Furious Five are fully integral to the heart of Kung Fu Panda, which is why I believe a lot of those who have seen the new movie have expressed something feeling "off" or something being missing.
I agree with this sentiment. To me, KFP4 didn't feel like a KFP movie. I don't need a Furious Five spin-off movie and I can be fully content with a KFP5 centered around Po's journey as an individual as was intended from the beginning, but he can't carry an entire movie on his back. As strong as he is in every sense of the word, he is only one character. He's the centerpiece of the franchise, but a centerpiece can only go so far without the rest of the design, so to speak.
For me, the Furious Five's absence is one of this film's biggest faults. It's huge and glaring. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way, either, because the friends with whom I saw the film refused to talk about any other aspect of the movie after seeing it. Seeing them at the end was better than nothing, of course, but it was a disappointing culmination after eight years of waiting.
That all is to say I feel robbed. Despite all of this, though, I understand that there were reasons why the Furious Five weren't included in the movie. I don't believe the production team would exclude the Furious Five unless they weren't given a choice.
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Shifu and Po's dynamic continues to be thoroughly delightful but their interactions are short and simplified. I would have loved to see more of them in this film, especially considering the extreme relevance of teacher-student relationships in KFP4. I (somewhat) digress, though, because the idea of Shifu having to live at the Jade Palace with only Po for an extended period of time is hilarious enough on its own. Maybe that's what the short film is about!
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The comedy is odd but has some jokes that stand out. Po maintains a healthy relationship with his inner sass, which I think makes him more fun to watch and kind of eradicates the man-child verdict. Some jokes don't land, of course, but I genuinely thought KFP4 had some funny moments. Mr. Ping was consistently awesome and Po had some good lines sprinkled throughout the film.
As for Mr. Ping, he and Li Shan are the subjects of the film's B-plot as they follow Po to Juniper City out of shared concern for their son's safety. In my mind, they don't add anything to the story that couldn't have been brought about by other characters, but they had their moments of being entertaining. I enjoyed their silliness and thought they had a cute dynamic if nothing else.
Speaking of other characters, I want to discuss KFP4's deuteragonist and why I genuinely feel bad about the way her character was treated.
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I want to let it be known that I'm still not on board with Po passing the Dragon Warrior torch to another character. While I agree that his arc is now calling for him to have a student, I disagree with the notion of him retiring from his DW role.
As I stated in my first discussion post:
Didn’t the initial significance and nuance of the title come from the fact that there is only one person who can be the Dragon Warrior, because the concept of the “Dragon Warrior” isn’t so much a title as it is Po himself? The universe (Oogway) must choose the Dragon Warrior because they are a singular being of legend. It is one person, and that person is Po. Wasn’t the point of the first film that the title ultimately doesn’t really matter because there is no “secret ingredient,” so to speak? The title doesn’t actually give Po anything. “It’s just you,” Po says, and that was the resolution.
When it comes to Zhen as a character, contrary to what I predicted I would think of her, I thought she was okay. While I was still a bit distracted by how out-of-place her design looks, I wasn't truly annoyed by her at any point and she and Po had some cute moments. Even so, I think their relationship could have been a bit more refined and developed.
While it's evident that Po and Zhen are meant to have a teacher-student/mentor-apprentice dynamic, I think their relationship feels half-baked. There were parallels that contradicted one another and ended up being confusing come the film's conclusion, and the nature of their relationship seems to vacillate depending on the scene. Additionally, the strength of their bond goes from zero to one hundred within thirty-ish minutes and left me with a bit of whiplash.
We're shown that Po and Zhen care about one another, but we're never shown why. They have a brief conversation during which they bond over being orphans, and Zhen says at one point, "You're actually a good guy," but that's it. This obvious lack of development is a bit disorienting because we're later led to believe that Zhen and Po care very deeply for one another when there's almost nothing to back it up.
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A scene that sticks out to me when discussing this is when Zhen attack-hugs Po in a way that explicitly mirrors Tigress's hug from KFP2. This happens around the beginning of the third act, and while it had the potential to be an endearing moment, I think it fell flat.
The impact of Tigress's hug was brought on by her character's hardcore nature and reputation of being heartless, further strengthened with the knowledge that she was hugging Po (which was obviously way outside her comfort zone) as a show of companionship and fundamental understanding. Tigress hugged Po because he needed someone to recognize his strive for closure.
Zhen's hug had little to no impact because she had no reason to do it and it didn't indicate growth. She hugs Po because she's sorry for betraying him and doesn't want him to be killed by the Chameleon, but neither of these things are newly-established via this hug; we have already gathered by now that Zhen regrets betraying Po and doesn't want him to get hurt.
The hug is far from the movie's weakest point, but I think it's unnecessary given the context. I'm big on hugs in movies (an underutilized form of platonic affection, in my opinion), but it didn't fit here. I don't hate it, and I see it as an honest effort to bring emotionality to Po and Zhen's relationship, but it seems arbitrary.
Zhen and Po's relationship has a lot of potential and I'd be open to seeing more of them in the future, but I think some more thoughtful development needs to occur before I can humor it further. Even so, I can see myself featuring Zhen in some future post-KFP4 one-shots—sparingly, of course, because we have a lot of Furious Five content to compensate for.
Overall, they had a cute dynamic and some sweet moments but I'm not attached. I'm on board with Po having a student but I think their relationship needs a lot more development, something that this film unfortunately didn't give them time to either accomplish or earn.
Now, onto the Chameleon!
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The concept of the Chameleon's character is admittedly super interesting. She's the deuteragonist's fastidious mother figure who feels that Zhen owes her a debt and as a result holds her to an impossible standard. That dynamic had the potential to be so interesting but I didn't think it was explored at all. There is no indication of Zhen having any internal conflict about fighting the Chameleon, no emotional complexity between them at all; it's disappointing because I think it would've added a bit of earnestness to the film.
Additionally, the idea of a shape-shifting villain is versatile. A shape-shifting villain gives those telling the story a lot of room to experiment with the protagonist and different ways in which the main character can be challenged and tested. It's yet another good idea utilized poorly. Just one idea: the Chameleon could have disguised herself as one (or several) of Po's family, friends, etc. and brought to fruition a new arc with his character (seeing as he arguably doesn't have one in this film), but she only disguises herself as Zhen very briefly in the movie.
Furthermore, the Chameleon completely relies on the powers of previous villains to pose any sort of threat to the main characters. She summons Po's former nemeses from the Spirit Realm (despite there being little logic in doing so considering Kai's literal evisceration) and takes their kung fu abilities for herself.
An excerpt from my first KFP4 discussion post that I think is relevant to the point I'm trying to make:
I don’t think it would be in the best interest of anyone if the past villains were to come back in any way that’s not a flashback (even then, I’m not sure I’d see the point). In all honesty, I thought that the whole point of the villains was that they died and stayed dead. They were defeated by Po once and for all as a testament to the idea of establishing Po's character growth and journey as a person through the bad things he’s able to overcome. It’d be highly contradictory to the messages of the other films if these villains were to suddenly come back.
While there was an honest effort made to portray the Chameleon as intimidating, I never felt as though any of the characters were endangered by either her or her army of lizard henchman. She's a visually appealing character (aside from her eyes, which I thought more resembled those of a gecko than a chameleon) and I greatly enjoyed Davis's performance, but overall I don't see the Chameleon as a notable villain.
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The return of Tai Lung (had he been on his own) had the makings to be an excellent story, especially considering the importance of teacher-student dynamics in KFP4. To see him interacting with Shifu would have been incredible and could have led to further closure on Tai Lung's end (because I think that's kind of what the team was going for anyway), but it didn't happen.
It was nice to see Ian McShane reprise his role, but I wish Tai Lung's characterization had been more reminiscent of the way he was in the first film and more complimentary of his overall character arc. Tai Lung isn't a one-dimensional villain with a singular goal and motivation, and I couldn't help but feel as though the complexity of his character was simplified for the sake of KFP4's narrative.
Tai Lung's presence in KFP4 may be odd, but Shen and Kai's appearances are even more so. Kai, if I remember correctly, was fully obliterated by Po, reduced to literal particles on screen (which is kind of wild now that I think about it). Shen being in the Spirit Realm makes sense all things considered; however, Po and Li had no visible reaction to his presence, which seemed a bit unlikely considering Shen's deeds. This plot hole can likely be attributed to the fact that Shen and Kai's cameos (to my knowledge) were last-minute additions to the movie.
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I have to talk about the pacing. I have to. I'm sorry, bear with me.
To me, the film's pacing is erratic and disconcerting. While I can appreciate a quick-moving narrative that doesn't dawdle on storylines that aren't interesting/important, KFP4 kind of flings itself too far in the opposite direction and ends up being frighteningly fast-paced. Once the credits began, I felt like I had been holding my breath for the entire movie.
KFP4 is confusing because while the runtime is standard for a KFP movie, it feels incredibly short. At the same time, the film's story moves at a breakneck speed and leaves little time for heart and development. These things culminate into a barreling boulder of a movie that simply doesn't have time to let its characters, story, or audience take a breath.
A fast pace is not inherently negative, but I don't think it worked in the favor of KFP4. The KFP franchise has always been very emotionally grounded (and just very grounded in general), so to see a film in which emotion/heart takes an aggressive backseat in comparison to action and comedy is jarring. While I think it's unreasonable for fans to expect the same emotional integrity as the original films to be present in the current and upcoming ones, I still think there's room for Po to grow and I felt as though the notion of him developing further was brushed aside in this film.
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As for Po's growth, I felt it was nearly nonexistent. The previous trilogy wrapped up his character's journey beautifully and I know that KFP4 was bound to struggle with this particular aspect of making another KFP film; however, just because the strongest pillars of Po's character are established doesn't serve as a valid excuse to reverse his development and repeat what he learned in KFP3.
In KFP3, Po learned firsthand that he is capable of spreading wisdom and teaching kung fu. He also learns that he is constantly growing and that change is inevitable; there is always something more to learn.
"If you only do what you can do, you will never be more than you are now."
"I don't want to be anything more, I like who I am!"
In KFP4, Po pushes against this narrative despite fully accepting it in KFP3, actively reversing crucial parts of his character development achieved in the latter. KFP3 was non-ambiguously about learning to cope with change and responsibility, and I can't help but feel like KFP4 is simply copying this message while not adding anything to it.
Additionally, I felt that KFP4's Po generally felt less personal than he has in the past. In every KFP movie up to the franchise's most recent addition, I felt very connected to Po as an audience member. I felt like I was truly seeing the world of KFP through his eyes. I consider this to be one of the franchise's most impressive feats; it's incredibly difficult to build a universe around a character without making the audience feel limited to one perspective and one part of the world.
With KFP4, I felt both limited and disconnected. The world didn't feel as vast and all-encompassing as it has in the past and Po didn't seem fully like himself. This could be me nitpicking (as I'm prone to do), but I can't recall a single moment in the movie in which Po was alone on screen. Scenes like these are crucial for me because I see them as a meet-cute between the character and the audience, a moment for us to cross the bridge into their world in a way that's silent and intuitive. These little bonding moments are absolutely integral to feeling connected to a character.
Po's dream sequence in the first KFP movie is one of the best examples of this. It presents his aspirations, alludes to his way of life up to the point of the movie, and showcases his personality. During Po's dream sequence, the audience is quite literally inside Po's mind; we're there with him, seeing what he sees, subsequently feeling what he feels. Po is a dreamer at heart and makes the audience feel like dreamers, too.
In KFP4, I felt like I little to no point of reference when it comes to how Po was feeling. I didn't feel immersed in him and his world.
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I know I've been very "doom and gloom" throughout this post, which is an exhausting mindset for everyone involved. I want to end my critique with something positive because I think some praise is deserved. Let's just say the movie could have been a lot worse, the details of which I'm sure you're all well aware.
The color palette of the movie is beautiful and somewhat reminiscent of the first film. While the animation style of KFP4 is far more simplistic than its predecessors, I was very impressed with its use of shadow and light. Po's many faces were also hysterical, props to those who helped make him as expressive as he is.
Additionally, the movie's action sequences were clearly thought out and discussed in great detail. The experimentation with camera angles was really fun to watch and I enjoyed the majority of the film's fight scenes. They were fun, bouncy, and entertaining, and quite likely reinstated audiences's love of watching a cuddly panda kick butt.
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Congratulations, you've reached the end! Thank you so much to all of you who took the time to read this unnecessarily long and detailed review. As long as I help someone translate their conflicted feelings into coherent thoughts, I'll call it a win.
I want to reiterate that I don't hate Kung Fu Panda 4 and I had fun while watching the film. It has its flaws and there are a lot of aspects that I dislike, but the effort of the crew is obvious and I greatly admire and respect the hard work put into the film by those who worked on it. This does not at all excuse my issues with the movie, but it's worth saying.
As for the future of the series, I only hope that the next installment is more considerate of the franchise's origins and why Po's story is being told in the first place. I fully believe that another sequel could be good given a strong, passionate crew with a great understanding of the characters and world (and I wouldn't be averse to some previous directors returning, just to put it out there).
Thanks again to those who took the time to read this crazy excuse for a movie review. Feel free to either disagree with me or add things in the replies/reblogs, I'm always looking for more thoughts to think.
Until next time!
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102 notes · View notes
promise-you-doie · 22 days
Text
Who knew? | L. Sohee
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Who knew the love of your life would be the weirdo you met in a coffee shop?
Sohee x afab!reader
Word count: 8k
Warnings: curse words
Genre: fluff, angst
Playlist
“Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed.” Karina snickers, leaving the kitchen so she doesn’t have to be in the same area as you. 
Mad isn’t even a strong enough word to describe how you feel right now. You can feel your blood boiling, and every little sound causes you to get more and more frustrated. The reason? You missed all 7 of your alarms because you forgot to charge your phone the night before. 
If there was anything you hated more than the male species, it had to be waking up at 11 am. 
That means you have only 30 minutes until your first lecture of the day, which by the way isn’t nearly enough time to pick out an outfit, do your skin care, your makeup routine, and your hair, and still get to class on time. 
Waking up at 11 on any day, including the weekend, basically meant that your day was already ruined. You’ve already wasted half the day, so it’s best to protect your peace and just stay home. And that’s what you decide to do after attempting to do your hair but quitting after its lack of cooperation.
“I wanna die.” You slur into a pillow after successfully spending 30 minutes getting angry at any and everything. 
“Why die when the sky is clear and blue.” Winter chimes happily, a little too happy for your liking. 
“Maybe you just need some fresh air and a coffee.” Ningning suggests from the bathroom. “I heard there’s a new cafe down the street, you should go.” She adds 
“I don’t wanna go outside. I wanna lay here and die.” You say it as a joke, but some part of you is serious. 
Either way, You still end up at the cafe. Even though Siri kept giving you the wrong directions. What should have been a 7-minute walk turned into 2, 15-minute laps. It’s safe to say that by the time you arrived, you had completely lost your appetite for coffee.
But you’re persistent in making the best out of this unlucky Monday. Walking into the cafe with a facial expression that tells everyone around you that it was only 12:01 and you were already having a bad day. 
“Hi, could I get an Iced Americano?” You say blandly, forcing a small smile to cover the bad mood you are in 
“What size?” The barista asks
“Large.” You needed it. 
“Will that be all?” He asks. 
 You nod “Yes,” while patting your pockets for your wallet. Here's the catch, you left it at home. Before you resort to your last plan; screaming, crying, and sobbing on your knees, you decide to check your purse. Except, you don’t have that either.
“Your total is gonna be 5.05” The barista looks at you distantly as if he couldn’t see the internal war that you were battling right now before his very eyes. “I-” “I got it.” You watch someone stick their arm past you to put their card in the card reader. Thus paying for your much-needed drink. 
“You didn’t have to.” You say shyly, without even looking in the stranger's direction. 
“Don’t worry about it.” 
“I’ll pay you back.” You finally turn to look at him. “Just uh…” You rush to pull out your phone and unlock it. “Give me your number, and I’ll wire it to you as soon as I get home.” 
There were lots of things you hated, men being on the top of the list and being indebted to people is fourth down from it, with “Especially to men” written beside it in parenthesis. So anytime a man did anything nice to you, you wanted to make sure you paid them back immediately just so they don’t try to hold it over your head later. 
“It’s only five dollars.” the stranger says 
“Just let me pay you back, Please.” You beg, still holding your phone out for him to put his information in.
“Well if you really wanna pay me, you could just allow me to take you out on a date.” His response leaves you dumbfounded. A frown grows on your face when he smiles at you. 
If someone were to ask why you were adamant about burning all the men alive, this was the exact reason why. “You’re kidding… right?” You laugh, because surely this has to be a joke. When you walked out of your apartment this morning you were hoping to just have a cup of coffee and maybe some exercise. The last thing you were thinking was to have some guy hitting on you after he practically forced you to let him pay for your coffee. (you didn’t ask him to do that, so basically he did it by force.) 
“Y/n.” The barista calls out your name, luckily to pull you away from the weirdo that is subliminally asking to get in your pants. During broad daylight, in front of a crowd of people.
“Thank you.” You muster up a smile for the barista and head towards the door. Leaving the stranger behind. Owing him doesn’t even matter anymore. It’s not like you’re ever gonna see him again. 
You let out a deep sigh when you hear him yell “You’re welcome.” once you leave the cafe and the door closes behind you.     
“Today has to be the worst day ever.” You complain the second you step into your apartment. Catching the attention of your four other roommates. 
The apartment was small and probably shitty to most but it didn’t matter to any of you because you were all together and the rent was too high nowadays. So if it took all of you piling over each other just so you wouldn’t be homeless, so be it. 
However, being in a small 3-bedroom apartment with 4 other girls meant no secrets. Not because the five of you were nosy, it’s just that the walls were thin and there was absolutely nowhere to go to get any privacy. Best believe there were things about the girls that you wish you didn’t know. 
“Couldn’t have been that bad,” Karina says nonchalantly, walking past you towards the living room to plop down on the couch and catch up on the series she’s been binging for a week now. 
“Well, first I woke up late..” You’re tailing after Karina but get stopped when Ningning walks in your direction, only to take the coffee out of your hand and begin taking sips out of it. “This is good.” She nods without acknowledging the story you’re trying to tell everyone. Skipping to the couch with your drink still in her hand. 
“There’s probably someone in the world dying right now, while you’re crying about sleeping in for a few hours.” Giselle scolds but she doesn’t even take the time to look at you. She just takes a seat next to Ningning and helps the two girls finish what’s left of your coffee. 
“No, but listen, I went to go to the cafe as you guys suggested. But the directions were being stupid.” 
“Was it the directions or was it you?” Karina asks, shaking around the ice in the coffee. 
“It might have been me but that’s not the point.” You dismiss, “After like 30 minutes I finally find the cafe and I go to place my order.” 
“But let me guess- You forgot your card.” Giselle interrupts you.
“Well, yeah. And then-"Wait, if you forgot your card, how’d you get this coffee.” Ningning asks instead of letting you finish what you’re so desperately trying to get out. 
“The barista obviously thought she was cute and gave it to her for free,” Giselle answers for you. 
“No. I-” 
“For free? I don’t think so. Y/n’s pretty but she’s not ‘I think you’re so pretty that I’m gonna risk my job and be homeless’ pretty. Some guy probably just found interest in her and paid for her coffee, so she insisted on paying him back because she never knows how to accept when someone’s being nice but he refused cash and asked her to just let him take her on the date instead.” Karina somehow predicts everything perfectly, which is kinda scary. 
“Yeah, actually” You confirm, but you’re still at a loss for words. 
“So what did you say?” Ningning turns to you. 
“No, of course. This is y/n we’re talking about.” Karina sits up to give you the last bit of coffee but winter reaches it before you do. Swiping it right from under you and taking the last swallow. 
“Well, at least you got free coffee.” Giselle points out. 
“And I'll tell you what I got,” Winter demands everyone's attention. Throwing her arm around your shoulder and turning to you when she says “We’re gonna get you laid tonight.” 
“What are you talking about?” Giselle asks before you get the chance. 
“Jaemin just invited us to a party and guess who’s gonna be there,” Winter asks, pointing to Ningning who pipes up, slapping her hands together.
 “I’m guessing, Jaemin.” You say nonchalantly. 
“Sohee.” Ningning chimes. By now she’s jumping up and down. 
Sohee is the guy she’s been trying to set you up with for weeks. You never met him and you don’t really wanna meet him. She tells you that she has a feeling that you’ll like him but you don’t think that’s the case because well, he’s a man. 
“I’m not going.” You state pushing Winter's arm off of you so you can go to your bedroom. Pretending not to hear all of them yell “Boring.” before you close the door. 
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Another con with living with four other girls is that everyone is always ganging up against you. There wasn’t much ground for you to hold when it was always 4:1. With that being said, it was no surprise that you still ended up at Jaemin’s party even after making 101 excuses as to why you couldn’t go. 
You were a few hours late of course. If the girls were gonna drag you out you had to make sure that you wasted as much time as possible. 
“Here, drink this.” Giselle pushes some drink in your face. 
“What is it?” 
“Doesn’t matter, drink it.” She continues pushing the cup towards you until you take it and down the whole thing. Not caring what it is because you’re sure that she wouldn’t give you anything too dangerous right?
wrong.
“That’s horrible.” You yell over the music, wiping the excess liquid from your lips with the back of your hand. 
“Isn’t it? I thought I was the only one.” Giselle laughs while taking the cup from your hand. You didn’t bother to argue with her, since it was something that she had a habit of doing. Instead, you just sit there around the couch watching everyone else have fun and decide that you’d rather be home. Or probably anywhere else. 
Some people might say that you’re a prick or a party pooper, that you were stuck up and unfun but you’d say, they were absolutely right. What are you even supposed to do at these kinds of things? All you saw were really bad dance moves, a mess, and a hangover in the morning. What could be so fun about that? 
“Woah.” You hear someone say from behind you. You don’t roll your eyes yet but you want to, because you’re almost sure you know who it is before you even see them. “I didn’t think this would be the place that I run into you again.” The boy says when you finally turn around to meet him. 
The universe must absolutely hate you, you think. Because there is just no way that you run into the same man again within the same day. “Why not?” You say arms crossed with a frown bigger than the one you had this morning when you ran into him the first time. 
“Well…” He looks you up and down.
“What are you trying to say?” 
“This just doesn’t look like something that you’d be into, that’s all.” He smiles and leans against the wall beside you. “But I’m glad you’re here.” 
This time you roll your eyes and walk away. You don’t have enough time nor do you care enough to try and change his mind about you. Thankfully he doesn’t try and chase after you but he does yell “I hope you enjoyed the coffee.” to which you hold your middle finger up behind you so he can see it. 
“Y/n where are you going?” Ningning runs to you, tugging at your arm when you reach Jaemin’s front door. 
“Home.” 
“Wait! You have to meet Sohee first.” 
“I’ll be fine.” You say trying to get out the door."
“Just 30 more minutes please.” She begs, getting down on her knees but not letting go of your hand. 
You could argue with her, but one thing about Ningning is that she’s never lost an argument. So you take the easy way out and distract her instead. 
“Oh my god, is that Sungchan?” You spur randomly 
“You can’t fool me Y/N.” She looks at you unamused, but pipes up from the floor the second she hears a stranger from behind yell “Is that Sungchan.” 
You blink once and she’s gone, mixed in with the other crowds of people. And you take your opportunity to run away, grabbing the first taxi you see and heading back to your apartment. 
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The steam from your shower follows you from the bathroom into your bedroom when you sit on your bed. Drying your hair with a towel, you take a deep breath. This is great, it’s quiet and calm just the way you like it. 
That is until your four roommates come crashing into your room, screaming and squealing over each other and you can't even make out what any of them are saying. The only things you’re able to make out are something about fate and the Sohee guy that Ningning’s been telling you about. 
“Wait, one at a time.” You stand and hold your hands out. “Giselle first.” You add
“Who’s turn is it to cook tonight? I’m hungry.” She slurs and then walks out of the room before any of you can answer her question. 
“Okay… Winter.” You point to her when she holds her hand up. 
“HI.” She holds her hand over her mouth when she giggles. 
“Hi, Winter.” Her giggle gets louder when you smile back at her.   
“Sohee wants to meet you,” Ningning yells, not giving Karina a chance to speak. 
“I’m not interested.” You state, sitting on your bed. 
“Come on, please. Just once.” She pleads for the second time of the day. 
“No.” 
“He could be the one.” Ningning begs even more.
“I don’t think so.” 
“He’s cute and sweet and probably even romantic.” She adds
“Then you date him.” You mutter, laying down on the bed and closing your eyes. 
“He wants you.” She continues even though you’ve turned your lamp off and shifted comfortably under your bed. 
“I don’t want him.”
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Other than your bedroom the best place on earth is the library. An endless world of books and possibilities. The best part about it? It’s completely quiet and the librarian always gives you one of her home-baked cookies. 
Today the library is completely empty which means it’s even quieter than usual. The only noise is the traffic noise and the thunderstorm happening from outside. Which is even better for you because you know your afternoon reading session is going to be better than ever. 
Walking down the romance aisle, dragging your index finger down each of the books until you find the very book you’re looking for. The spectator in the painting: volume 7/9. 
You had spent the last four months binging the book after your favorite book blog suggested it. A story about a prince who falls in love with a violinist and risks his life to save her when she gets sentenced to death after treading too deep into the king's chambers. 
The series was astonishing, just when you thought you knew what was gonna happen next, Boom! A plot twist. 
“There it goes.” You whisper to yourself when you find the book on the top shelf out of place from where it’s supposed to be. 
Your heart drops when you hear a somewhat familiar voice. The library is dead silent so when the boy walks in with his green sweatshirt and crossbody bag you immediately break out of your world. Leaning over the bookshelf to see if the voice belongs to who you think it belongs to.
“Good evening, Miss Lynn.” The boy greets happily leaning over the counter. You can tell he visits the library often because of how comfortable he is, smiling and making jokes with the librarian. That doesn’t bother you, but what does is Ms. Lynn passing him one of her home-baked cookies and joking with him about how he shouldn’t tell anyone. just like how she does with you. 
You take that as a sign to mind your business, not even wanting to know who the boy is anymore. Except when you think to walk away the librarian points in your direction, guiding the boy to the sci-fi genre of books behind you. What’s even worse is the exact second the boy turns around you see that he’s exactly who you thought it was.
“Fuck.” you mutter under your breath and hide behind the shelf. Holding your book to your chest. You clasp your hand over your mouth. You want to stand there and take in the shock that your body just went through but you know the better option is to get out of there as quickly and quietly as possible without him seeing you. Turning on your heels and walking quickly out of the aisle.
You’re almost there when you hear the boy call out for you. 
“Y/n?” You know you should just keep walking away but you can’t. You stop dead in your tracks and slowly turn back to him. He strolls closer to you when he’s sure that he called for the right person. 
“How do you know my name?” you question, suddenly every crime documentary comes to mind and your heart is racing. He could be a stalker or maybe a murderer. 
“It was on your coffee order.” He answers with his usual smile. except this time it’s a lot more reassuring, no one with such an adorable smile could ever harm you. Right?
After a few seconds of silence, he points to the book you’re holding. “you read this too?” 
“No, I was just curious about it. But now that I look at it, it seems uninteresting.” You flip the book around as if you’re examining it. 
“I thought people usually started with volume 1.”
“Is this not…” You feign ignorance, flipping the book around to see that it says volume 7 as if that wasn’t the one you intended to read. “Oh I don’t have my glasses, I tho…”
You trail off looking back at the boy. “I don’t have to explain myself to you.” you scold him.
“You don’t.” he agrees while reaching for the book in your hand. “I don't think you’ll like it anyway, the main character is so annoying. she’s always so defensive.” 
Your first instinct is to defend the woman, even if she is fictional. “She’s not-“ but then you realize you’ve blindly walked into his trap.
“Whatever, just give me the book.” You mutter, pulling the book from his hand and walking out of the library. Not caring that he fondly watches you stomp through the library doors with the book still in hand.
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“Why won’t he leave me alone?” You dramatically yell upon entering your apartment. 
“Who?” Giselle pops up first
“he?” Karina comes out second
“No! no one can talk to you right now. You’re already taken.”Ningning runs out grabbing by your arm as if this was gonna protect you from the boy, who’s not even in the room. 
“taken?” everyone except Ningning calls out at the same time.
“By Sohee.” 
Instead of a verbal response, you just roll your eyes, Ningning was very persistent, you’ll give her that.
“Okay wait, who's the guy that won’t leave you alone?” Winter asks 
“The guy from the coffee shop. It’s like he’s following me around, first at the cafe, then at the party, and now at the library.”
“The party?” Giselle questions “Is that why you left early.”
“That and I didn’t really wanna see Karina making out with a bunch of different strangers.” You admit, subtly gesturing to her with your hand. 
“Fair” Karina nods 
“Is he cute?” Winter questions
“The contrary! ” You somewhat shout. You’re very driven and determined to prove that you’re not into this guy even though you know it’s a lie. “What's even worse is that he won’t leave me alone and he knows my name.”
“like a stalker?” Giselle suggests 
“Probably, this is why I hate men.” You throw your hands up
“But you’ll love Sohee,” Ningning adds.
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Some days go by when you don’t run into him. five to be exact but it wasn’t like you were counting. You didn’t wanna see him, but it was torture for you to walk into places and constantly look over your shoulder because you thought he might be right behind you. 
You’re sitting at the kitchen counter, head propped up by the knuckle of your hand. You’ve been up for hours trying to finish this paper for your biochemistry class, but you’re not making any progress. There were only two coherent lines written on the paper and a bunch of random letters that appeared when you slammed your head on the keyboard of your computer. 
“I am so fucked.” You mutter, head still stuck into your laptop.
Your head stays there just a moment. You just needed a small break, nothing serious, just a small moment to reboot your brain and give you maximum creativity and intellect. 
Except it wasn’t just a moment, you had slept through your first two alarms. Head popping the second your alarm begins to ring, immediately your eyes go to the time. “No~.” you groan frustratedly. throwing your legs over the chair and running into your bedroom to get dressed.
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luckily you had just enough time to get some coffee and this time you brought your card. You made sure of it. 
You walk into the cafe and stand behind the six people who are already in line getting ready to place their orders. Humming along to the tune that they have playing lowly from the speakers, you pull out your phone to kill time, going back and forth through your social media. Until it’s your turn to place the order. 
“Good morning, what can I get for you today?” You notice the barista is different from the last one and much more welcoming as well. 
“I’ll just take a small iced americano.” You say, pulling out your wallet to pay for the coffee. 
“And can I get your name for the order?”
“Y/n” 
“Okay, I’ll call out your name when the order is ready.” 
“Perfect thank you.” You nod and find a table to go wait, Although it doesn't take long for the man to call your name. You stand up almost as soon as you sit down, pick up your iced drink, and head to the door. 
Just moments before you reach the door another man walks into the small coffee shop. You can tell that he’s already preoccupied with his phone to notice that you’re on your way out. So you take the initiative to get out of his way. However, it still doesn’t stop him from bumping into your shoulder and knocking your (thankfully, iced) coffee all over your clothes. 
“Watch where you’re going.” He’s the first to yell, he doesn’t bother helping you clean up the mess he made, and he doesn’t even apologize. 
The asshole just walks right past you. 
“Do you want me to kill him?” “Ye-” You almost say “yes.” on instinct but ultimately refuse and turn around to face the boy behind you. Letting your shoulders relax when you meet his soft eyes and familiar smile. “No, it’s fine.” No matter how hard you try you can’t stop the smile that grows on your lips. Hurrying and looking down before he could see it too. 
“I’ll go see if I can get a mop.” he walks away too soon to hear you say “okay.” and you stand there waiting for him with a stupid smile on your face as if you weren’t just wishing he’d vanish less than a week ago.
You’re only able to pull yourself out of your trance when he finally comes back with the mop. You reach to pull the mop out of his hand so you can clean it up but he stops you. “I go this, you can just wait over there. I’ll buy you a new coffee.” As if you weren’t slowly falling for him already. 
“Okay.” You nod sheepishly, walking to where he guided you. 
You weren’t one to get flustered, and especially not by man. But here you were kicking your feet, blushing and giggling all because someone offered to buy you a new coffee. 
It takes only 9 minutes for him to walk back to you with a fresh cup of iced americano. “You didn’t have-” “I know.” he cuts you off, pushing the coffee towards you until you accept it. You finally do after a few moments of just staring at it. 
“Thanks,” you say last, receiving the cup from his hand and getting ready to walk away. He lets you make it all the way to the door before he calls to get your attention. 
“Wait.” When you stop and turn around he jogs towards you and wraps his jacket around you to cover up the coffee stain that you have smudged into your shirt. “Here.” 
You don't fight with him this time because you’d rather wear his jacket down the street than a huge coffee stain on the front of your shirt. “Thanks.” is all you say, as you smile at him one last time. Turning and walking out the door not forgetting to sneak a few last-minute glances at him through the window.
The walk towards your school was like straight out of a movie. You’re grinning from ear to ear, giggling to yourself, and dancing along the sidewalk. Not caring for the strangers that were oddly staring at you.
You could say the coffee gave you energy but really it was the owner of the green varsity jacket you were wearing. 
Then that’s when it hits you. You stop dead in your tracks realizing that you have no way to return the jacket after today since it isn’t promised that you’ll see him again. 
Without thinking much you turn around and run back to the cafe, fingers crossed that he’ll still be there when you get there
You end up back in front of the cafe, panting and puffing but you still shuffle into the small shop and begin frantically searching for the boy. 
He was already long gone, the cafe had picked up activity since you’d left but he was nowhere to be seen. 
You’d encountered him four different times and even managed to get his jacket, but you still had yet to learn his name. The only thing you knew about him was that he read romance and that he likes coffee, parties, and apparently the color green. 
“Whose jacket is that?” Winter asks from your bed, watching you cautiously hang up the varsity jacket in your closet. You hurry and close the door to restrict her view of the overgarment.
“I bought it the other day.” You spur 
“Oh please, that is not your style.” Winter teases when you continue folding all the rest of your laundry. 
“I just needed something really quick.” You miss when Gisselle goes into the closet behind you and pulls out the jacket. 
“This is a man’s jacket.” She calls out, “I can still smell his cologne.” 
“A man’s jacket?” Karina and Ningning suddenly appear out of thin air. 
Squeezing your eyes shut before shoving your face into the palms of your hands, you wish you could disappear right there and then. There’s no point in even trying to explain yourself. You doubt you’d even get through the story without smiling.
“Y/n honey, we need to talk.” Ningning reaches for your hand. 
“talk?” You ask but get ignored by all four of your roommates. Karina and Winter both guide you to sit on your bed for whatever it is that Ningning has to say. She holds your hand as she looks at you to say “You’re forbidden from ever seeing him again.”
You cry “Wha- forbidden. you can’t do this.” You look around to the rest of the girls to defend you but they do absolutely nothing. 
“We've already set you up on a date with your soulmate.” Ningning leans in front of you so you can turn your attention back to her.  
“soulmate?” You question first but then circle back to the bigger problem. “A date?”
“You’ve led us to do this.” 
“How is this my fault? I didn’t ask for this.”
“we’re worried for you, if you don’t start dating now then when?” Winter interjects. 
“This is absurd, I don’t need to date.” You argue but it’s of no use because you still end up at the diner where the girls told you the date was gonna take place. 
You’re not really dressed for a date, just a simple pair of jeans, some sneakers, and the oversized green varsity jacket that you acquired two days ago. 
Wearing another guy's jacket on a date wasn’t ideal but neither was going on a date against your will. 
It was by force obviously, you weren’t here because you wanted to be but because you had no other choice. Ningning threatened to burn all of your prized possessions if you spent less than 30 minutes with the man she’s been dying to set you up with. 
Quite frankly you were starting to grow curious about this Sohee guy.
“Table 4” You murmur under your breath, it’s not hard at all to find the table. You knew this diner like the back of your hand since it’s the place that you and your roommates used as a hangout spot since your first year of university. However, you begin to question yourself when you see a familiar face sitting at the table where your date’s supposed to be. 
“What are you doing here?” You stop and question. 
The bow stands up when he notices you approach him “I’m here to see you.” 
“You can’t be here, I have a date.” 
“With Sohee?” He asks, but it sounds more like a statement to you. 
You’ve seen this before. (not from personal experience of course.) You’re getting stood up by a man you’ve never even met. The funniest part is you never wanted to go on this date in the first place. “Did he bail at the last minute?”  
“I don’t think we’ve ever gotten a chance to properly introduce ourselves.” The boy speaks, 
“If he’s not coming we don’t need to waste our time, I completely understand.” You halfway turn to leave before he blurts “I’m Sohee.” He holds his hand out.
This was a twist you didn’t even see coming. Looking at him with his hand held out towards you, all you can think about is Ningning trying to convince you that you and him were “written in the stars.” 
“Oh, you’re Sohee.” You repeat followed by a laugh of embarrassment. “Sorry about that, I thought-” You’re getting ready to explain yourself but decided against it. 
“Do you wanna sit down?” Sohee asks, only after watching you stare nervously at the chair in front of you. 
“Oh yeah, that’d be smart.”
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Awkward is when you take ten minutes staring at the menu because you thought that would be better than staring at the boy in front of you. Taking your time to read the food items, ingredients, and even calories (which you couldn’t care less about.) Especially when you already knew what you were gonna order anyway. The same thing you always order, A burger with a side of fries and a lemonade. 
“I’ve never seen you this shy before.” Sohee interrupts your thoughts as he pulls the menu from your hands. 
“I’m not shy, I’m just trying to figure out what I wanna eat.” You spit, pulling the menu back so you can finish wasting time. 10 minutes down, 20 more to go.  
“I’m guessing you don’t go on lots of dates.” He continues. You wanna yell at him for talking too much while you’re trying to read, but you don’t. You don’t get the chance to, as soon as you open your mouth the waitress comes out with food. 
“We haven’t ordered yet.” You look up to the kind waitress.
“I ordered for you, I wasn’t sure what you might’ve wanted so I just got you a burger.” As if on cue the server places a burger right in front of you, with a cup of lemonade to match.
You wanted to hate him, but boy was he making it so hard.
“If you already ordered, why did you let me spend so much time looking at the menu?” You ask when the waitress leaves. 
“In case I got something you didn’t like.” He says casually, reaching for his fork. 
Either you're just very simple or he’s made to be the love of your life. it could be both. 
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“You didn’t have to walk me home.” You’re looking at the ground, watching how your footsteps are in sync with his. It’s pretty dark outside so naturally it’s colder, but for some reason, it doesn’t bother you. 
“I wanted to.” He says simply, and the look in his eyes tells you that he’s being sincere.
It falls silent again, still awkward but this time it’s a comfortable awkwardness. And now that you kinda got to know him you realize that he’s not nearly as bad as you thought he was. So much for first impressions. 
“We’re here.” You stop right in front of your apartment building, standing on your tippy toes and landing back on your heels.
He first takes a glance at the semi-tall building and then back down at you, who's trying to look anywhere else but him.
“Thank you for agreeing to see me tonight.”
“yeah of course.” You nod even though you were completely against the idea. 
“I had fun.” 
“Me too.” You nod again. 
“So I guess I'll just see you around?” You can tell he’s just stalling now.
“I’ll definitely see you around.” you giggle.
“I guess it’s time for you to go now.” 
“I guess so.” you agree 
“Well, goodnight.”
“goodnight Sohee.” you watch him walk away, but he’s taking his sweet time. dragging his feet along the ground the farther he walks away from you. You almost find it amusing how dramatic he’s being. 
As you get ready to walk in and you grab the ends of the jacket you're wearing you realize that this is the perfect opportunity to return it.
“oh, Sohee.” You only have to call out once for him to come running back to you as if he never left.
“yeah?”
“Your jacket.” He stops you when you’re halfway through pulling it off.
“Keep it, it looks good on you.” 
“Are you sure?”
“goodnight, Y/n,” He says last, walking away and leaving you with his jacket. 
“How’d it go? What happened? Isn’t he cute?” Ningning bombards you with questions when you first step foot through your door. 
“he’s tolerable” You kick off your shoes and throw them off to the side. Then you reach to pull your jacket off, sliding it down your shoulders and hanging it up once you reach your bedroom.
“That’s great, it’s an improvement.” 
“If you say so.” 
“Did he say anything about the jacket? I told you not to wear the jacket.” Ningning mumbles 
“I bet he smelled the other man’s cologne.” Giselle snickers as she walks by.
“He said it looks good on me.” The room goes quiet and everyone stares at you...” Ningning watches you, jaw slacked and dilated pupils. 
“Y/n has a boyfriend, Y/n has a boyfriend.” It takes them not even ten seconds to form a circle around you and begin dancing like school children on the playground. 
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Your favorite time of day is when the sun begins to set. When the sky is painted in shades of orange and pink the birds fly over the sky. Your bedroom is flooded with the natural lighting of the sky, matching the mood of the jazz you have playing in your headphones.  
For a moment you sit and gaze out of your window, observing the people walking the streets below you, watching the cars drive past and the trees that sway in the direction of the wind. All of these things distract and entertain you, yet they still remind you of the boy you're trying so hard to forget. 
You stand up and close the blinds of your apartment. Blocking out all light, your room drifts into complete darkness, with only peaks of light shining through the cracks. 
That’s how it stays when you walk into the kitchen with the rest of your roommates. 
‘Oh, there she is.” Karina dramatically announces your appearance when you shuffle into the crowded space. Taking a seat on the stool next to her. 
“How come you don’t talk to us anymore?” Giselle asks 
“You are being dramatic, we talked this morning.” 
“You only asked me if I knew what you did with that hideous green jacket.” She scoffs 
“It’s not hideous, you just have no taste.” You playfully scold. 
“Whose jacket is that anyway?” Winter speaks up, digging in the fridge to pull out the orange juice. Wincing when Ningning slaps her arm for drinking out of the carton instead of grabbing a cup like everyone else. 
“Mine.” You answer. 
“No but actually?” Giselle asks, just as curious as the rest of the girls who are all watching and waiting for you to answer the question honestly. 
“Some guy let me borrow it because I spilled coffee on myself.” You leave out quite a few details but you’re sure what they don’t know won’t hurt them. 
“Okay so wait? Some random guy gave you his jacket-” Winter starts but Karina finishes “And you accepted it.” 
“I didn’t wanna walk around with coffee stains.” You shrug. 
“This is great, this is great. You’ll just go downstairs and explain that to Sohee so he won’t get the wrong idea.” Ningning claps as she gradually gets closer and tugs at your arm. Completely missing how blatantly confused you are. 
“Downstairs?” 
“Yeah, in his apartment” She never stops tugging at your arm. 
“Wait, he lives here?” 
“Yeah? Unit 411.” Ningning finally registers just how confused you are. “Didn’t he tell you?” 
Instead of answering her question you run out, leaving her and the rest of the girls as puzzled as you were a few moments ago. 
Without thinking much you knock on the door, just to see if what Ningning said was true. But after you knock you start growing anxious, suddenly you can hear your heartbeat and your hands are frantically moving at your side.
In the span of 10 seconds, you check the unit number 12 times just to make sure that you have the right one, and you’re not knocking on someone else's door. Soon you start to wonder what would happen if someone else answered the door. 
Just when you come to the conclusion to bail, you hear the doorknob turn and the door opens to reveal the boy you expected to see.  
Unfortunately, now that you see him, you realize you hadn’t planned after this point. So you just stare at him eyes wide, unsure of what to say or do. You’re just as shocked as he is when he stares back at you with a matching expression. 
You clear your throat before you take the initiative to speak first. “Why didn’t you tell me that you lived here too?” 
He answers, “I didn’t wanna scare you.” 
“Oh… that makes sense.” You nod, looking down at your pajama pants and bunny slippers. 
“Do you wanna come in?” He holds the door open for you to accept his invitation but you shake your head and back up. 
“No, I can't, I have to~” You struggle to come up with an excuse. “Finish my laundry.” You finish, nodding as if that’s gonna make him believe you. 
“Okay, well, I’ll see you around then?” 
“I guess it’ll be hard not to.” 
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You were never too fond of men. 
While most people had a tragic backstory that led them to hate the things they hate, you didn’t. 
You weren’t crossed by a man in your past resulting in your blatant hatred of the entire species. Sure you’d had unfavorable interactions with quite a few men in your life, but that wasn’t what led you to dislike them. 
It took many years of observation for you to come to your conclusion on the male race. However it didn’t take long for you to learn a few things about them.
But the most important thing was, they were all the same. 
That’s what you thought for years, every man, boy, guy, or male is the same. Yet, you find that your conclusion might not be entirely accurate. 
Looking at Sohee you feel that he’s different from all the guys you’ve ever come across. He isn’t selfish, or obnoxious. He isn’t entirely full of himself. 
He’s actually sweet and easy to be around. 
Which was good for you because, since you found out that he lived within a few hundred feet from you he began to follow you around like a puppy. 
Whether it was walking you to and from class, or even showing up to your apartment with breakfast. 
It was off-putting at first, 
You mindlessly strolled down the hallway of your apartment building. You weren’t thinking of anything other than the leftovers you were gonna eat when you finally got home. 
Sohee however had different plans. The second you turned the corner you noticed him standing at your door with what looked like a bag of takeout. 
Your body goes into shock before you can even comprehend what you’re doing. You hide behind the corner. 
You think maybe that’ll buy you enough time to figure out what to do next. You take a deep breath before slapping your hand over your mouth. 
You take a look at all the options you have. You could either sneak out through the stairs or you could take your chances with the elevator and hope that the girls aren’t on their way home. 
“Who are we hiding from?” Sohee suddenly appears right beside you. Causing you to jump in horror, luckily you were able to come up with a lie on the spot. 
“I was just… looking for my earring, I think I might've dropped it.” You pretend to look around for a nonexistent piece of jewelry. 
“What does it look like? I'll help you find it.” Rather than making him help you look for something that you knew was never going to be found you concocted another lie.
“uh no it’s okay, they were getting old anyways.” You say, pressing your lips into a thin line. 
“Oh well, do you wanna have lunch together?” He grins, holding up the brown paper bag in front of your face.  
But over time you’d gotten used to it, and maybe even came to kind of like his dog-like personality.
“So you’re a man-hater” Sohee starts, despite knowing that you hated when people talked while you were reading. 
He’s not necessarily an exception but you don’t get as mad about it when he does it. You continue reading, but you spare a moment to respond to him. 
“I guess you can say that.” Your eyes are still glued to the words of the book. 
“But you like me.” He continues, you make the mistake of pulling your gaze away from your novel, meeting the annoying smirk he has on his face.
You open your mouth to speak but he beats you to it. “You do know I'm a man right?”
“Yes, I know you’re a man. I have eyes.” 
You watch his grin grow wider before you go back to reading your book. “And I don't like you, I just don’t hate you as much as the others.” 
You say, even though you're sitting in his bed, your hair pushed up into a bun and your glasses hanging loosely above your nose. It’s a Saturday night, you could be doing skin care with your girls or binging cartoons on Netflix. But you chose to be here, in his room spending time with him.
To him, that said a lot.
“Woah, so you're in love with me.” Sohee jokes partly.
“How did you come up with that?” You laugh, turning on your side to face him better. 
Sohee shrugs, “It’s a talent.” He wasn’t too far off. You often denied it whenever someone brought it up but if you were being honest. you were falling for him, faster and harder than you liked to admit. 
The more you resisted, the easier he made it. There wasn’t anything you could do, it was inevitable.
Almost as if it was fate. 
You laugh to yourself thinking about it, laying your book down and fully relaxing into the fluffy white pillows he has aligned on his bed. 
You’re fighting against sleep, trying your hardest to keep your heavy eyelids open. Taking long blinks until you finally give in and let yourself fall asleep. 
Sohee finally comes back with the water you asked him for but you’re already well into your slumber. He’s sure of it because when he gently calls your name all he gets in response is a soft snore. 
Rather than waking you up, he pulls your glasses off, closes them, and lays them on the bedside table. He leaves for a brief moment to get you another cover, laying it over top of you and turning the lights off so you can rest peacefully. While he took the couch for the night.
“Where were you?” Ningning scolds. Not even letting you walk all the way in the door before she starts bombarding you with questions 
“Do you know how long I stayed up waiting for you? I was worried sick.” She continues to yell at you when you finally squeeze past her and walk into the apartment. 
“You went to sleep at nine.” Winter exposes her
“I was worried sick.” Ningning repeats, swinging her index finger around. 
“I slept at Sohee’s.” You say almost in a whisper but Karina is somehow able to hear you all the way from her room. 
“What?” She runs out, “You slept at a man's house? With a man?” 
“Yes, and that’s all we did. So don’t get your expectations too high.” You scold, specifically pointing your finger at Ningning who’s bouncing with joy. You can already tell what she’s thinking before she even says it. 
“No, we didn’t sleep in the same bed,” 
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The rain outside sounds more like a hail storm than anything else. You just wait by the entrance of the school and contemplate if you wanna walk home in this weather. 
The sound of the heavy wind isn’t so convincing but the boy waving at you with a bright smile might be enough to sway you. 
“What are you doing here?” You ask, mindlessly walking into the rainstorm to meet him face to face. 
“I came to walk you home.” He responds, his smile unwavering. 
“You shouldn’t have, you’re all wet now and it’s cold you’re gonna get sick.” You’re scolding him but he’s still grinning at you like an idiot. 
“I wanted to.” Is all he says locking eyes with you.
The rain could be snow, the sky might be purple but his eyes, you’re sure are brown. A brown that can only be seen with the help of the sun. Now that the sun was nowhere to be found they were so dark it could be categorized as black. 
You find them the most mesmerizing at this moment. You’re staring at him and he’s staring back at you. That’s when you take the opportunity to see how his lips feel, closing in the space in between you that not even a drop of rain can fit through. 
Isn’t it crazy how love can be found in the strangest of places, who would’ve thought you’d fall head over heels for the weirdo you met in a coffee shop? 
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joels-shitty-puns · 5 months
Text
The Key To Your Heart - Track 10
Pairing: Pedro Pascal x Musician!Reader
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Series Summary: After writing your feelings for Pedro into a song, it gains a lot more popularity than expected. Ultimately it brings both criticism and support, with new possibilities around the corner.
Series Warnings: 18+ only (MDNI). Alluding to sexual scenarios. Kissing. Panic/Anxiety Attack. Fat shaming, name calling. Mentions of food, weight loss, weight gain, dieting, weighing, potential eating disorder, food guilt. Potential for puns/dad jokes (name of my blog, and the fic) should give that away. This is my first fic which should be its own warning, lol. Also some cursing. Mentions of masturbation (f). Sadness, reader is pretty depressed. Poor body image. Rude people. Bullying-ish and just lack of support? Anxiety. Age gap! Reader is in her mid 20's, Pedro is current age (48).
Other stuff: Reader is plus sized. AFAB. Inexperienced. Also has a dog, but you can pretend it is another creature probably. Further, in case it isn't clear, italics almost always are the reader's inner thoughts!
Word Count: 6.6k
Series List: Here!
Miss Track 9? Here!
Hi!!!! Once again I want to apologize for taking so long with this. I can't seem to ever stay awake to do anything. That being said, here it is! This is the last main chapter of our little lovebirds. There will be at least one, likely two bonus tracks coming soon though :) Also there's a smidge of Spanish in here from Pedro, but the translation is included in the end of the sentence. I took some Spanish classes back in the day but I don't speak it and had to use Google translate. So if it ISN'T right and you do speak Spanish, please let me know lol. Anyway, I hope you enjoy these little cuties on their first date. There's a lot, a lot, a lot of kissing in here (sorry...) and overall they're just grossly in love lol. Please let me know what you think, and if you've seriously read this far, I LOVE YOU! This is my first series, and honestly my first fic other than the one I wrote in my diary lmao. Like the reader, I am incredibly inexperienced so writing a relationship has been a bit of a challenge and half the time I don't believe the actual words I'm writing. But I really only started writing it as a way to write down my daydreams :) So to have support means the world to me, and hearing people comment/DM me saying how much they relate has meant so much and makes me feel a lot less alone, because ultimately, it doesn't matter how fictional it is, most of reader's feelings are my own. To anyone else in the same boat, I get you! Hang in there. I think there's a Pedro out there for us all. Someday. Anywho, pardon my ramble. Thank you for reading, I hope you like it. ❤
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The next morning, you woke up and stretched your limbs, rolling over in your comfortable bed as the sunshine poured in through the window. At the shuffling of your body, Skipper groaned, wiggling a little in bed, nearly shoving you off the edge. You reached for your phone, blinking through your sleep a couple times before seeing a text from Pedro. “Good morning beautiful! I can't wait for our date today. I was thinking maybe we could start around 2:30 and spend the day together, if you'd like. But if that's too much, we can just make it a dinner date. Up to you which you would prefer. I understand either way. Love you ❤️”
He wants to spend the whole day with me!? And he sent me a good morning text and called me beautiful? Then signed it with a heart and love you?!!!! How did I get this man?
Your grin eclipsed your face, making you squint. If Mr. Grumpybutt weren't sharing the bed with you, you'd probably squeal and kick your feet. Tapping your phone screen, you typed out a reply. “Morning handsome ❤️ I would love nothing more than to spend the day with you. I love you too!” You sent the message before crawling out of bed gently, receiving a dirty look from Skip. 
“Alright Grump. Go back to bed. Geez,” you laughed. If looks could kill, you thought. He turned back on his side, letting out a grumble and sigh, resulting in a laugh from you. Acts like he pays rent and works 40 hours a week…
You took a relaxing shower, making sure to be all nice and fresh for your date with the man of your dreams. While brushing your teeth, you noticed he had replied. “Great, I can't wait. I'll be at your place at 2:30. :)”
“Can't wait to see you. What do you have planned? I'm wondering how to dress.”
“Wear whatever you feel good in, baby. I'm sure you'll look amazing. Probably something casual you can walk around comfortably in for the day. Maybe something a little dressier for the evening, but you don't need to carry it around. We will make a stop at your place before and you can change”
Wow he really has this planned out.
“What have you got planned, P? This sounds elaborate. You know you don't need to put in all that effort, I'm already yours ❤️”
“You deserve the world, my love.”
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Dressed in a pair of leggings and a light sweater, you felt reasonably cute while still being comfortable for whatever activity Pedro had in mind. Plus, with the crisp November air, you would be nice and warm. You were just finishing tying your sneakers when your doorbell rang. 
You opened the door to find your handsome boyfriend standing on your step, a bouquet of red roses in his hand. “Mi amor,” he handed you the roses, kissing your cheek and hand. “Thank you Pedro,” your cheeks heated. “Come in,” you pulled his hand across the doorway towards the living room. Skipper pushed past you to investigate, causing Pedro to drop your hand.
“Well there he is! That handsome boy!” Skipper’s tail wagged and his butt wiggled as Pedro crouched to give ear scratches. “Oh, I love you too,” Pedro answered when Skip kissed his face frantically. A fit of giggles erupted from Pedro, making your heart swell with joy. He has the cutest laugh, and the fact that your dog is causing it was surreal. 
“You're just a beautiful boy! Aren't you?! Hermoso, igual que tu mamá,” he held Skipper’s face, kissing his nose. (Beautiful, just like your mama)
Your chest was filled with butterflies. Holy shit, he's charming. “Thank you, Pedro,” you said in a whisper, not even sure if he would hear. Turning his head from your dog, Pedro looked up at you, giving you a gentle smile; but the eye contact was quickly torn away when Skipper pressed a needy paw to Pedro's chest. Both of you now giggling, Pedro continued to pet Skipper, stopping to give him a hug and some more nose kisses.
“Alright. I gotta ask…” you prompted, causing Pedro to turn his head towards you again. “Are you just dating me to hang out with my dog?” You smirked.
Pedro turned back to Skipper, speaking in a low voice. “She's catching on to us buddy. We've been made.” You burst out laughing, Skipper looking over at you as if his plan really had been foiled.
Pedro gave a final pat on Skipper’s head before standing and walking over to you. “Nonsense,” he pecked a kiss to your lips. “I do love that sweet boy of yours,” he replied before turning his face to whisper in your ear. “But I'm absolutely enamored with you, Mamacita.” The hair on your neck stood as a chill rushed down your spine. You bit your lower lip, and he stared back into your eyes, leaning in for a passionate kiss. 
“You look beautiful,” he tucked your hair behind your ear.
“You look rather handsome, yourself,” you replied. His hair was brushed back and to the side, his curls neatly swept and threatening to break free around his face. You wondered whether he asked for help to make his hair look extra nice for your date or if he styled it himself.
Running your fingertips over his patched salt and pepper beard, your hands found the small heart shaped patches near his chin. You brushed your thumb over his jaw before leaning in to press a kiss on the bare skin, causing his eyes to close as he let out a sigh. The whiskers tickled your cheeks as you continued kissing up his jawline, back across his cheek, and on his nose before pulling away to look into his eyes.
He opted to not wear glasses today, allowing you a closer look into his deep brown eyes which were softening under your gaze. “You ready to go, baby?” He asked you, his hand on your hip as he rubbed circles with his thumb.
“Absolutely,” you smiled. He wore a pair of dark jeans, tennis shoes, and a white button up shirt with the sleeves rolled to his forearm. He looked absolutely… incredible.
While you were grabbing your bag, he grabbed Skipper's leash. “Is Skipper coming too?” You asked, confused.
Skipper was twirling now, impatient to go somewhere.
“Sure is! Couldn't leave him out. But don't worry, you and I will have the night to ourselves,” he winked.
You looked downward, feeling shy and flushed. “Okay,” you giggled, clipping Skip to his leash and heading for the door.
“Do you want to take my car? You'll get dog hair and slobber in yours,” you offer.
“I don't mind! I love dogs,” Pedro replied, opening the door for Skipper to climb in the back seat. After closing the door, he opened the passenger door for you. Such a gentleman, you thought with a sigh, getting in and thanking him. 
As the car sped along, you looked over at your boyfriend driving the car. Boyfriend! That'll never get old… you thought to yourself. The air conditioning blew the few loose strands of hair on the top of his head, and his left hand gripped the wheel, making the veins on his hand prominent. With his right hand, he reached over, holding your left in his, resting on top of your thigh. 
He really did look beautiful. You couldn't help but stare at him as he expertly drove the car, hand flexing as he turned the wheel. His mouth pursed and he licked his lips, his tongue slowly jutting out to wet them. 
Damn, I want those lips on mine. That tongue in my mouth, you thought, feeling rather warm, despite the air conditioning swirling around the car.
“So where are we spending the day?” You asked, trying to quiet the flames of attraction licking at your pulse.
“It's a surprise! But we're almost there,” he answered, rubbing his thumb over the top of your hand.
Pedro looked in the side mirror and laughed. “Babe, look at Skipper.”
You looked to see him with his head out the window, ears and lips blown back with the wind, his tongue lolled out to the side and blowing with the speed of the vehicle.
You both chuckled before you warned him, “your car is going to be covered in slobbers, Pedro!” He gave another quick look to Skipper before replying. “That's okay. It'll help me remember this day until I wash it again,” he looked over at you and smiled. It felt so natural. So… domestic, the two of you sitting in the car, going on a date, him holding your hand while driving, and the two of you laughing at your dog in the back seat. It was just perfect. Everything you dreamed.
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He wasn't joking when he said you were almost there. It was only about five more minutes until the car pulled into the parking lot of the dog-friendly beach. 
Stepping out of the vehicle, you took a deep breath, inhaling the familiar smell of salty sea air and hearing the chatter of gulls. The breeze blew your hair gently, but the day was relatively warm for November.
After the three of you exited the car, Pedro opened the trunk, pulling out a large picnic basket and tote bag. “You really came prepared, didn't you? Pedro, this is really special. Thank you.” Your eyes felt teary and the smile you held was genuine. Nobody has ever put this much effort into anything for you. Other than him.
“You don't need to thank me. I want you to be happy and I want the three of us to have a nice day,” he added, pecking your lips.
“Wait.. Pedro,” you frowned. “It looks kind of crowded. Should I be nervous about paparazzi or anything?” Your stomach bubbled with nervous energy.
“Don't worry, sweetheart. Celebs come here all the time. I've come here before. If they do, they might take pictures, but usually it's pretty low-key here. Try not to worry too much. I want you to have a nice time,” he squeezed your hand affectionately.
“Okay. I trust you,” you smiled at him as the three of you walked towards the sand, finding a nice place to picnic. Pedro unpacked, laying down a large blanket before setting up the spread of sandwiches, veggies, and fruit. He offered you a cold drink from the basket and the two of you sat, using a metal stake to secure Skipper’s leash near your blanket. He flopped onto his side, content to be sunbathing with some of his favorite people.
The lunch consisted of peaceful conversations and laughter, learning more about each other despite having talked for several months now. It seemed you could never run out of conversation topics. But even in the quiet moments, it wasn't uncomfortable. It felt relaxing. You were both content being able to sit together in silence and just enjoy each other's company.
After your meal, you packed up the basket and headed for the car again to put the things away, opting for a walk unburdened by carrying items across the sand. Neither of you brought a swimsuit today, but despite the California sun, it was still November, and the Pacific ocean was never really warm, even in the middle of summer. That didn't seem to bother Skipper very much though. As the two of you walked hand in hand near the water, barefoot in the wet sand, he ran laps around Pedro holding him on the leash, occasionally splashing through the shallow water before joining close by his family again.
He would definitely need a bath later, but you didn't mind. He was happy splashing around, having a great day. You were happy walking with the man of your dreams, fingers intertwined together. Everything felt right. You weren't even nervous, despite the way Pedro looked like the most handsome man you've ever seen, or the fact that he was famous, and that you occasionally received stares from other beach goers. Instead of the usual first-date nerves people get, you just felt love.
“So,” he started excitedly, “Obviously I have most of this date planned, but I also wanted to check in with you and see if you had anything particular in mind that you wanted to do together.”
You thought for a second, letting a memory burn into your thoughts. “Well,” you began, "I don't want to sound like a total creepy fan or anything...” you added, cautiously. You kinda were, with all the photos of him you had saved on your phone (prior to deleting them before your first meeting in person). But that's not important right now, and he probably doesn't need to know that. Maybe it can be a funny story later.
Pedro laughed, that cute little wheezy laugh he does with his giant smile that makes your stomach do somersaults. Those same somersaults you've been getting since you first saw that smile on the screen and knew you were absolutely screwed until you got over this crush. Or, unexpectedly, when you walked hand-in-hand with him, like you were now.
“But…?” he pondered, looking down at you sideways, with a playful smirk and those big brown eyes that could make you lose your mind. They absolutely glittered in the sunlight right now, reflecting all the joy and love he felt for you.
“Okay maybe I'm a little creepy…” you nudged him with your side, still gripping his hand in yours as the two of you walked peacefully. The beach was crowded, but you and him, and Skipper, were the only ones here as far as either of you were concerned. There could be a loud scream and it wouldn't compare to the squealing in your mind. A firework show would simply feel like a projection of your sparks. A tornado couldn't sweep you off your feet as well as he could. 
“Is this where you tell me you've been watching me sleep through my window for the past three years or something?” He raised an eyebrow, playful smile still on his face as he licked his lips.
“What?” You squeaked, laughing. “No. I mean… I did have some pictures saved of you, and have maybe read a fictional story or two about you and your characters…” or a few thousand, you thought.
You cringed. Why the fuck did I say that out loud?!
Your cheeks felt hot and you diverted your eyes away from the man beside you, a nervous grimace painted across your mouth. He barked out a laugh, pulling you into his side for a hug. “Baby, you're cute. I don't mind that you used to read those. I don't even mind if you still do. No different than a book, right? Maybe it'll give us some fun date ideas.” He rested his head on top of yours innocently.
Oh, if only he knew the things you read.
“Right. Fun date ideas,” you smirked to yourself. He pulled away to look at you, eyebrow raising playfully.
“Sweetheart,” he interrogated in the same tone you use when Skipper steals a sock from the laundry, “what kind of stories are you reading about me and my characters, huh?” He lifted your chin to meet his eyes. You'd feel nervous from his tone if he didn't flash a smug, knowing grin at you.
“Oh, you know…” you shrugged. “Just the typical romance stuff,” you turned, facing him and resting your hand on his chest, tracing a circle over his heart with your finger. You felt his pulse pick up under your touch, and saw his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed.
“What kind of thoughts are going through that pretty head of yours?” He asked, raising his brow while you continued tracing little hearts into his shirt with your index finger.
“Wouldn't you like to know?” You winked before removing your hand from his chest. Starting to walk away, you continued your earlier statement. “Anyway, as I was saying-”
“Oh, no you don’t,” he interrupted, laughing. “Don't think you're getting out of this conversation that easy,” he gently pulled your forearm, stopping your movement and sending you twirling into his arms once again.
“Maybe someday I'll tell you,” you giggled, booping his nose. 
“Someday? Why not tell me now?” He ran his thumb over your lip, eyes drifting down quickly before returning to your eyes.
“I'll show you the fanfics I read about you when I know you're stuck with me and you aren't going to run for the hills,” you laughed nervously, only partially joking.
His playful demeanor vanished before your eyes, turning into a look of… concern? Oh no. This is it. Where he realizes what a mistake he made. Where he says he doesn't want to be together. Where he breaks my heart.
He gently held your arm, rubbing soft strokes. “Honey. What are you talking about?” His soft brown eyes searched your face. You gulped, not wanting to make eye contact, but he again pulled your chin up, forcing you to look at him. “I…” you floundered for the words. “I don't want to scare you away.”
“Why would I be scared away?” he asked in almost a whisper, concern and sadness lacing his features.
“Because I just had this huge, huge crush on you. So, I read fanfics and I saved all your photos and I watched all your movies. I spent more time on social media looking for updates on you. Just so I could see you, or imagine what being with you would feel like. Like a total crazy person. An absolute psycho creeper.”
“Baby…” he brushed his thumb over your cheek. “You aren't any of those things. I actually think that’s kind of sweet. Although, it makes me a little sad thinking about the pain you must have felt, having these strong feelings and not having found each other yet.” He brushed your hair out of your face, settling his other hand on your waist before continuing.
“Feelings make us feel a little crazy sometimes, and although I never read fanfiction about you, or had any pictures to save, I would be lying if I said I didn't take a screenshot of us that first night you showed me your face.” He rubbed his neck bashfully.
Fanfic about me? What? If that even exists, I gotta see what people are saying…
“You did?” His admission surprised you, to say the least. He sighed before answering. “Yes. I had - have,” he corrected himself, “a pretty big crush on you too, baby. But I felt like I was betraying you in a way, taking a picture of you during our video chat. I just wanted to remember your face if I never saw it again,” he sighed.
“I fell in love with you the first time I heard your song... I heard you sing about your feelings and daydreams. So… you admitting about fanfiction and pictures isn't all that surprising.” You lowered your eyes in embarrassment.
“Hey, look at me.” He stroked your cheek. You looked up and he continued. “I took that picture because I had already fallen so head-over-heels for you that the first time I saw your face, I stopped breathing. Although I knew I wouldn't be able to get the image of you out of my mind, I couldn't risk forgetting the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life.”
You dropped your gaze again, cheeks feeling a permanent state of warmth and butterflies dancing from your stomach to your chest. “You don't honestly mean that, Pedro.” You sighed. “I appreciate it, but there's no way. I really don't know what you could ever see in someone like me,” you whispered, barely audible. If you weren't standing so close, he would've missed it.
Instead of responding, he dropped his arms from your body. At the loss of contact, your heart sank. But when you lifted your head to meet his eyes, he was fishing around his pocket for his phone. Calling an Uber to leave? Your self-doubt pestered.
A few taps to his screen later and he held up his phone. There you were, sitting at your table in your favorite dress, with your favorite food and flowers on the table. You had the biggest smile on your face and in the bottom corner, you could see Pedro looking handsome as always, and absolutely smitten with you, the largest grin painted across his features.
At the sight of the image, your heart warmed. “See what you mean to me?” He asked, putting his phone back into his pocket. You nodded, wrapping your arms around his neck. “I love you,” you choked out, leaning forward to mold your lips to his. They fit together perfectly. Like they were made for each other. He pressed back before opening his mouth ever so slightly to lick at your lips. Matching his movements, your tongues met, dancing a waltz in exploration as he pulled you forward by your lower back, seeming as if trying to get as close as possible somehow.
As the two of you paused for air, he ran his hand further down your back, just barely grazing the dip of your spine where your torso meets your butt. He gave you a look, almost to determine your reaction, asking permission to let his hand continue. When you didn't back away, going as far as pulling him closer around his neck and leaning in for another kiss, he pressed his lips against yours in return and let his hands wander a little further down. When his hand wrapped around the cheek of your ass, you squeaked. This is new… and I like it, you thought. His whole hand fit across your cheek. His huge hands. You whimpered as he gave a squeeze, like he was claiming you as his own.
“I love you too.” He finally responded, pulling out of the kiss to search your eyes. “So tell me… what was this activity you wanted to add to our date? The one you fear makes you sound like a creepy fan?” He let out a small laugh, brushing your nose with his.
“This,” you replied, pressing another kiss.
“Kissing?” He asked, rubbing his thumb over your waist and resting his forehead to yours. “I think we've already been doing that, if I'm not mistaken.” He pecked your lips with his.
“Yes,” you kissed. “Well,” kiss. “Actually,” you pulled away enough to explain. “I read this interview you gave a few years ago about your ideal first date?”
“Yeah?”
“You said something about ‘a date that doesn't feel like a date. And
hopefully by the end, or throughout, very
good kissing.” You said, slightly cautious at your memorization, a bit nervous at the implication of what you're saying.
“Oh, is that what you want?” He flashed his eyes up to look at you, giving a devilish smirk. 
“Well, as someone who hadn't been kissed yet when I read it, I sorta lost my mind over it,” you laughed. “Obviously we've kissed before, but if it were up to me your lips would never leave mine,” you pressed your lips to his again.
“I think we should be able to make that happen,” he leaned in, brushing his nose against yours before pulling you in for another kiss. “Mmmm” you sighed, pulling away from his lips. “Never gets old.” You held his hand in yours, the two of you walking again down the beach.
“So I was thinking,” he began, “since you said you deleted all your photos, and I only have the one, maybe we could make some new photos… together,” the corner of his mouth turned up into a crooked smile. You grinned and nodded excitedly. “Please!”
Pulling out his phone, the two of you took several photos together. Some just smiling, some with Skipper, and your personal favorites, the ones with him kissing you. This will make for a perfect lockscreen, you imagined.
As you approached the edge of a rocky cliffside at the end of the beach, a sea lion barked in the distance. Skipper perked up, tilting his head and letting his ears twitch before returning a “boof.” The two of you laughed, ushering your dog away from making any wild ocean friends, and headed towards the boardwalk.
After grabbing an ice cream at a candy shop, you were so deep in conversation and laughter that you didn't notice the girl off to the side looking nervous. Slowly she walked over. Skipper put up his guard, but as she approached, she gave a kind wave. “Hi… I'm sorry to bother you. I'm a big fan of you both.”
“Us… both?!” You responded, surprised. Pedro shook his head with a laugh before thanking the fan.
“Of course! Your music is amazing! I listen to it on my way home from work everyday. I relate to so many of your songs.”
“Wow, thank you so much. I never expected to be recognized. You're so kind,” you replied honestly.
She asked for a photo with you both, and after obliging, she mentioned before leaving, “by the way, I was following all the news that went down. I just want to say I think it's cute how you guys got together and you make a really cute couple. Okay bye! Thank you again!!” And with that, she scurried away, leaving you to look at Pedro in surprise. “Wow” you replied with a laugh. “I can't believe I'm getting recognized,” you spoke quietly.
“How do you feel about it?” Pedro asked cautiously.
“I feel… okay, so far. This was a nice interaction, and even though people keep looking at us… being able to be out in public with you, to show my face, kiss you, hug you, hold your hand,” you gave his hand a squeeze, “it makes it all worth it.”
“I couldn't agree more,” he looked into your eyes, giving a soft smile. You matched his expression before his face slowly faded into concern. “Do you think work will go okay for you? Now that it's out there?”
You took a deep breath, walking a few more steps with him down the boardwalk before replying. “I don't know. I guess so. Or… I hope so at least. I've had a few of my friends and coworkers message me kind words of encouragement. So at least I'll have some people on my side, even if anyone else has something to say. But really, they shouldn't. They already know me. They knew I liked you,” you leaned into him. “So they should be happy for me if anything. And if not, then… well, they didn't deserve to be my friend anyway,” you shrugged. “But I think I might take some time off to figure out everything, career wise,” you added. Still leaning into his side, Pedro unlatched his fingers from yours, opting to reach his arm around you, giving your shoulder a squeeze and rubbing soft circles into your upper arm.
“Baby,” Pedro began, his voice vibrating through your body as he leaned his head on yours, “I’m so proud of you. Have I told you how strong I think you are?” Your cheeks warmed and you grinned. “Thank you Pedro,” you wrapped your arms around his waist to hug him. “But I don't think I'm that strong. I struggle to open pickle jars just like the rest of us,” you joked.
Pedro gave a quiet snort. “You know what I mean, honey,” he laughed. “I don't mean physical strength. Though I'm sure you could hold your own in an arm wrestle, I mean your ability to handle all of this thrown at you so quickly. Your ability to adapt and stay cheerful about everything. You just keep continuing to amaze me,” he pulled his head away from yours to meet your gaze. He smiled softly and you thanked him.
“I don't feel very strong,” you mumbled, breaking away from his stare. “You are, though. You're strong, smart, beautiful. Talented. Passionate,” he kissed your lips.
“Pedro, I love you, but you always seem to use all these words I don't feel. You see me as someone completely different than the way I've always seen myself. I want to believe you, but-” you sighed. “No one else has ever shown any indication that those are true,” you pouted, trying not to tear up.
“Hey, hey, whoa. Stop,” he halted your movements, pulling your chin up to his face. “Maybe they didn't see you, but I do. I feel all those things about you, and I'll spend every single day trying to prove it. I told myself I wouldn't get involved in romance a long time ago. But you changed all that.”
His chocolate brown eyes felt like they looked directly into your soul as he attempted to unravel your self-doubt. With a deep breath, you calmed enough to reply. “I love you, and I feel all those things for you as well. I'm glad you opened yourself up to love again.” You pressed a kiss to his lips. “I'm glad I met you” you sucked his lip. “I'm glad you're mine.” You kissed him again, deepening it, letting your tongue press gently to his and tangling together in passion before pulling away. 
Skipper had completely rolled into his side in wait for you both, between the conversation and the kissing. When the two of you broke away with matching grins, you looked over to see the sun had sunk down to the border between sky and ocean. In its wake was a bright orange sky, with pink, purple, and yellow streaks mixed in, as if a painter had gotten a bit too carried away with the paints. It was blindingly beautiful. 
Drawn to it like moths, the three of you walked towards the shoreline once again. You started to sit, but Pedro pulled you into his chest and fished for his phone. 
You gave him a confused look before he kissed you deeply and held out his arm. Unlatching his lips from yours with a pop, he held up his phone to you with a smile. In front of the vibrant ocean sunset, the silhouette of a couple shared a loving kiss. For once, it was you in this couple photo. You and the man you love.
You walked a little farther down the sand before sitting down just above the line of wet sand to admire the sunset. Pedro sat behind you, his legs on either side of you while you lay back into his chest. As you leaned into him, he hugged around your body, molding himself to you and tracing light circles into the skin on your arms, making the hairs stand on end and a shiver to run down your spine. 
Skipper flopped down nearby, clearly sleepy after a long walk and plenty of new smells. You ran a gentle hand down his back until you heard soft snores, then let him sleep, leaning your head on Pedro’s arm around your shoulder. “This sunset is beautiful,” you sighed, watching as the sun descended further below the ocean. It looked as if it was sinking deep below the surface, offering its light to the deep sea anglerfish miles below.
“It is amazing,” Pedro agreed, staring at you. “But my view is even better,” he added, and you could feel his eyes on the side of your face as he kissed your shoulder. You looked over at him, meeting his eyes, now sparkling with the orange of the sky. “Mine too,” you whispered, tilting your head to press another kiss to his lips.
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When the sun went down completely, you headed to the car and Pedro drove back to your place so you could get ready for dinner. 
Pedro sat on the couch patiently, stroking the fur on Skip’s back while he snoozed, his head in Pedro's lap. In your bedroom, you searched for the perfect outfit to wear, finally deciding on a nice dress and sweater.
Hopefully the restaurant isn't too cold, you thought.
Walking out of the bedroom, you joined your boys in the living room, only to be greeted by Pedro’s jaw hitting the floor. “Te ves tan hermosa mi amor,” he stuttered in Spanish, flipping languages so easily when he was overcome with emotion. (You look so gorgeous my love.)
He gently stood, sliding out from below your dog, before walking over to you. His eyes scanned your body from head to toe and back up again, making you feel nervous. “You… you look… wow.” He rubbed his hand over his chin, his thumb grazing his lip. His pupils grew, making his eyes ever-so-slightly darker. You shivered under his gaze.
At your shiver, his demeanor shifted. “Shit, are you cold? Baby, you look incredible, but if you're cold -” 
“I'm not cold, Pedro,” you interrupted.
“Are you sure? I saw you shiver.” He stepped towards you, touching your arm. A buzz crept under your skin like a live wire. “It wasn't from the cold…” you replied.
“It wasn't from-?” He paused, the realization hitting him as he understood your shiver wasn't from cold but frankly.. the opposite. “Oh,” he hummed, settling his hand on your hip and stepping closer.
Another chill.
“Feeling excited for our date, huh?” His voice caressed into your ear as he kissed his way down your neck, pausing to take gentle nibbles on the skin of your collarbone, neck, and chin, before pulling you in by your waist to press a deep kiss to your mouth, his tongue finding yours. 
This was starting to feel natural, kissing. And you two were getting good at it together. Knowing just the way his tongue moved, finding just the spot to make you whine. You even managed to find a spot of him that made a groan slip from his lips nearly every time. Kissing him was addicting, and you had no intention of kicking the habit.
He pulled away, pulling your lip with his teeth as you let out a slight hiss. “I'd love to do this all night, but I promised you dinner, my love,” he kissed your cheek, his beard scratching your face just right. You sighed, agreeing to dinner and taking a minute step back. It felt much warmer in the room than before, and you could tell he felt the same. As your eyes drifted across his body, he nervously rubbed the back of his neck, clearing his throat. Slowly sweeping his eyes down his body, it was evident you both wanted something beyond dinner.
But the gentleman he is, Pedro stepped forward again, taking your hand and leading you toward the door. 
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Pulling up to the curb, Pedro opened your door for you before handing his keys to the valet. Linking his arm with yours, the two of you walked into an elegant Italian restaurant. He gave the waitress his name, and she led you back to a secluded room where a single booth sat.
The room was dimly lit, illuminated by candles and twinkling fairy lights. They lined the ceiling, mimicking the starry sky, were it not for the smog of the city. You two walked toward the only booth, settled against the nook of a window, draped with a soft, thin white curtain covering the view from outside. Only the reflection of street lights peered through the thin drapery.
Sliding into the booth, Pedro sat next to you, close enough to touch, yet due to the curve of the corner booth, you were able to converse without craning your neck awkwardly. At the center of the table was a single red rose in a vase, sat next to the glow of a candle. The table itself was rounded and draped with an elegant dark red tablecloth.
Grabbing the triangular folded napkin off your plate, you folded it across your lap, Pedro doing the same. He reached over to you, taking your hand in his. He rolled his hand over the top of yours, linking his fingers between your own and giving a gentle squeeze while offering a soft smile. 
You looked into his eyes, searching for the words he might be thinking. In his eyes you only found love and appreciation, pure happiness oozing from his features. When the waitress came back, she set a basket of bread with butter on the table and took your orders. 
The night went smoothly, chatter filling the empty spaces while you enjoyed your meals. “Pedro, I know this is technically our first date, but I gotta say, I think I consider our video chat for my album as the first date. It was the first time I felt like I might actually have a shot with you. You put so much effort into that night and it was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for me. I didn't know I could fall for you any harder than I was, but you proved me wrong. And even though we didn't say it was a date, and I didn't have much experience before you, it felt more like a date than anything I had ever felt before. You're a real romantic, P.” 
He smiled and pressed a gentle kiss to your lips. “That felt like the first date to me too. I knew for sure that I loved you that night.” Your cheeks heated, and you leaned your head on his shoulder. 
It was only when the bill arrived that you broke apart. Though you offered to pay, at least for your meal, Pedro wouldn't stand for that. After all, he told you, this date was his idea. So instead, you thanked him and left the restaurant the same way you entered, arms linked.
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As Pedro pulled up outside of your home, you let out a sigh. It was already after 9 PM. You had spent nearly eight hours together and yet you dreaded the moment you'd be saying goodbye. It was almost that time already, yet it felt like only five minutes had passed.
Though the walk from Pedro’s car to your front door was rather short, you both managed to prolong it, walking as slow as possible. Clearly he wasn't ready for it to end either. Two love sick fools, just wanting to spend every moment together.
Teetering on the edge of goodbyes, you awkwardly stood by your door. There were no nerves at a first kiss, fortunately. There had been plenty of kisses shared today, and yesterday, and the day prior. In fact, if it weren't for breathing, eating, and other bodily functions, you'd be fine having your lips glued to his indefinitely.
So with that in mind, and the burning desire to spend more time together, as he said goodbye, placing a kiss to your lips and beginning to walk away, you grabbed his arm. “Wait,” you plead.
Pedro turned, looking at you as if you had something to say, or you had forgotten a sweater in the car. But instead, with your heart pounding in your ears, you quietly asked, “would you like to come in? I’m not quite ready to say goodbye.”
The question could be taken with so many potential implications, or none at all. All you knew for sure was that you wanted to spend more time with him. What happened next could be decided in the moment.
His eyes flashed surprise for a moment. He looked at you, trying to read your face for any details in your question, then stared at your front door before turning back to you and finally answering.
“I would love to,” he smiled.
And so the two of you walked through the threshold of your front door, buzzing with new possibilities just inside. But no matter how the rest of the evening takes place, you were in love, and for once, you were loved back.
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The end! Thank you for reading! Stay tuned for the bonus tracks, and once again I'd love to hear what you think! Reblogs are appreciated as well :)
Taglist: (Want in? Let me know!)
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142 notes · View notes
todayontumblr · 11 months
Text
Tuesday, May 16.
it's nearly 3am, for pete's sake. let that cat in!
what's the matter with you, man. let that cat in this instant!
listen, and listen well, dammit, because I won't ask twice. that itty-bitty puss has been purring, meowing, and hissing for hours now, and, though it may be the winter outside, and it is christmas, this isn't your classic december 24th scenario. there is room at this inn, and we're going to let him inside, out of the cold, as if it it were the baby jesus himself. because, in many ways, he is—and apparently there's a northern star above our house.
you've got work tomorrow, I've got work tomorrow. and you can bet your ass that all the while that little critter is out there hollering all alone, meowin into the festive abyss, with nothing for company but a christmas tree, decorative lights, and wide-angle lens, we are not going to get a moment's shut-eye. and that's not good news for you, because I know for a fact you've got your end-of-fourth quarterly all-synergy christmas review at the office tomorrow, and I know your job's on the line. you think the board are gonna be happy when you drag yourself into the office with bags around your eyes, your tie on backwards, and cups of starbucks holiday blend in each hand? it may be the season of goodwill, but that don't count for much in your line of Business—even lonesome mr. whiskers could tell you that. 
speaking of, you hear that? give it some time and that one little whine is gonna attract all the other december strays. before you know it, we'll have a gregorian chant of kitty kats decorating our front lawn, and freestyling their own carols with not a care for tune or harmony. who knows—one of them may have a little catnip on their person. and then we are really in trouble.
if reason does not persuade you, then surely you are moved by the plight of this destitute animal? listen to his lonesome cries ringing out into the depths of the night, and pinky swear me that your eyes are dry at the intensity of his despair? because I do not consider it possible for anyone of reasonable mind to withstand, in spirit, that animal's pain as expressed through this his wretched song. this may be the season of merriment and jollity, but these are distant lands to the furry friend who currently finds himself lost, adrift, and alone at our most decorative doorstep.
if you are still cold-hearted to his plight, then consider this: he was brought to our door by its luminous, festive character. this cat has seen the tree, and fairy lights wrapped in an embrace around the columns, and understood its greater significance. this cat has come to understand this as a home of compassion, charity, light, and warmth during these darkest days of the year. if we ignore the sound of his cries, we are not merely heartless, but hypocrites to the decoration that adorns our front porch.
the choice is yours. it is almost 2:30 AM. the cat remains alone, waiting, wailing into night. 
what are you going to do?
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359 notes · View notes
whoslai · 1 year
Text
Off The Menu - Lee Heeseung (Chapter 1)
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genre: angst, fluff, slow-ish burn, eventual smut!! (you’re responsible for what you consume, read at your own risk)
warnings: none?? reader has anxiety/social anxiety and a few insecurities here and here. major slice of life for you peeps 
send me an ask if you’d like to be tagged! thank you to all my new followers, you guys are amazing for supporting me. please interact and give me as much feedback as you’d like (don’t be an ass tho, no need to spread negativity.
not proof read, sorry for any typos in advance. 
word count: 3.3k 
link to series masterlist or whatever
next chapter
Chapter 1: “Hey, lol.”
✼  ҉  ✼  ҉  ✼✼  ҉  ✼  ҉  ✼✼  ҉  ✼  ҉  ✼✼  ҉✼  ҉  ✼  ҉  ✼✼  ҉  
Fall wasn’t your favorite season. From the stress of studying for finals to worrying about flight tickets back home when winter rolled around, you were never the biggest fan of the autumn months. With the combination of your busy schedule and your failure to get a refill on your anxiety medication, you felt immensely overwhelmed. Another thing to note was how lonely it got; Your family was across the country. Going to school in California was a conscious decision of yours, but you didn’t consider how tiresome it’d get not experiencing the warm embrace of a loved one in your times of need. To even take a trip back home would take you nearly 2 days, and that was simply not a risk you were willing to take with how dingy your car was. 
Your Friday’s typically consisted of this: Breakfast at the café off campus, lectures from 9 am to 12 pm, lunch at 12:30 pm accompanied with a small break, occasional seminars for an hour or so, then you were done. You’d usually study for a little while, but there were no promises. Being a second year psych student had its pros and cons; Less free time throughout the weekdays but completely free weekends. Though the pros outweigh the cons, you could use a bit more time to yourself throughout the week. As you were far from home, you had to make completely new friends. The vibe in California was completely different. You spent the entirety of your first year in your dorm in online school due to your school’s strict precautions against the pandemic, so you’d be stripped of the chance of branching out. While you weren’t the only one who went through this, it was 10x harder for you to go back to normal; Social anxiety had been something you’d struggled with all your life. The fear you felt when in big crowds, when being assigned to group projects, even merely walking to your class on campus…really…sucked. Tasked with the responsibility of your own finances, health insurance was something you simply couldn’t afford. Therefore, you hadn’t been on your meds for God knows how long. But anyway, you wouldn’t stay on such a depressing topic. 
Moving on, you had the weekend to yourself. You’d finished your last lecture around 2 pm and made your way back to your dorm. Fortunately, your roommate hadn’t made it back from her classes, so you had the space all to yourself. You locked the door behind you and took a breath of fresh air.
“Finally.” You sighed to yourself, plopping down onto your bed. Shoes were thrown about and you laid in your bed, indulging in the feeling of relief. But, as expected, it was cut short almost immediately.
Multiple knocks were sounded upon the door. It was nobody but Ningning, your lab partner in Abnormal Psych Stats 2. She was a sweet girl, she truly was. However, she always found a way to be overbearing. But you appreciate her as she was the only reason you ever left your room.
You slowly but surely got up to open the door, greeted by Ningning with a big smile.
“Y/N, were you lying down?” She asked, leaning against the door frame.
“I was, but now I’m up. Come, come.” You told her, moving out of the way so she could come in.
She walked in, closing the door behind her and sat on your bed as you spruced up your desk.
You glanced over at her, noticing that she was biting her lip and she only ever did that when she was holding back from saying something.
“Oh God, what is it?” You groaned, knowing she was about to say something outlandish.
She smiled and sat up, “Okay, don’t be mad but I booked us two tickets at this restaurant over in Malibu. Yes, I know it’s a long drive BUT…it’s worth it. Please tell me you’ll come with me, pleaseeeee…”
You sighed, rubbing your jaw, “I can’t.” Her smile faded, turning into a frown, “I don’t have the funds for that. I just planned on grabbing a meal from the dining hall…I’m trying to save up for a plane ticket.”
She shook her head, “Don’t worry about the costs, I’ll pay, it’ll be my treat. I wasn’t in town on your birthday and I want to make up for my absence. As your best, and ONLY friend, it’s my job to treat you. So, what do you say?”
You sighed to yourself, again. You hadn’t planned on doing anything tonight. You really were looking forward to having some down time to just relax and catch up on some shows. You also weren’t the type to depend on someone to pay for your meal, but one time wouldn’t hurt, right?
“Alright. Fine. When?” You asked her, stacking papers atop of each other.
“Today, tonight, let’s leave before 6 pm since our reservation is at 8:00.” She said, “I figured we could stay the night? If we left by 6 and got there at 7:30 ish, we could check into our reservation and stay at a nearby hotel. It’d be nice to take a break and be on our own for a while.”
You nodded, ‘That sounds nice…but costly? Where’s all this money coming from, Ningning?” 
She smiled, “Let’s just say…my job is treating me well. Now, pack a bag, be ready by 5.” She hurried up and kissed your cheek as she made her way out of your room, closing the door behind you. 
So, a trip. A mini girls trip for a night. You were excited, actually. It’s been a while since you had a chance to take a break. You’ve never been to Malibu either. This should be fun.
Later on, you finished packing a small bag with a few essentials. You changed into an outfit you thought fit the Malibu vibe: A black halter top with beige flowy pants and matching back sandals. You clipped a mango-ish colored flower into your hair after you slicked it back into a ponytail and grabbed your bag. You touched yourself up a bit before walking out of your dorm and made your way down the hall. You knocked on Ningning’s dorm and waited for her to open it.
Once she did, she met you with a smile and walked out with her bag, locking the door behind her. “You look so cute, Y/N. We’re going to have so much fun, trust me.”
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You two soon made it to the restaurant with not a lot of time to spare as it was 8:00 on the dot. Ningning quickly found a parking spot and you both agreed to find a hotel after you ate. 
From the outside looking in, the restaurant was beautiful. It was right beside a beach with a beautiful view of the ocean; Moonshadows Malibu was its name, it truly was something you thought you’d never see in real life. As you two made your way inside, you were hit by the aroma of vanilla and solemn music, only adding to the overall dreamy vibe. A pretty lady at the front greeted you both with a wide smile. She held up two shell necklaces, “Would you ladies like a necklace?” Ningning looked at you before quickly nodding, holding her hands out to grab them. She gave you one as she slipped hers on her head and you followed after her, placing the necklace around your neck.
“We reserved a seat for two?” Ningning remarked towards the lady.
The girl nodded, “What’s the name?”
“Ning Yi Zhuo..” Nigning replied, nodding.
The girl nodded, “Okay, follow me.” She showed you both to the deck of the restaurant, seated outside right above the sand and beside the ocean. You were in awe at how beautiful the sunset was. Ningning thanked the girl as she placed down menus and told you both that your waiter would be over soon.
“It’s so pretty in Malibu…” You sighed, looking at the ocean.
“I grew up right next door to Malibu, actually. I always enjoyed coming here on vacation, such a nice place. Anyway,” She laughed, “What are you getting to drink? I brought my fake just in case…”
You smiled, shaking your head, “I don’t drink, Ningning. You’re always pressuring me to drink.”
She scoffed, “Peer pressure? I’d never!”
You rolled your eyes, “Sure. I’ll probably just get water, I’m trying to be healthier.”
“Aw, okay. I love that for you, but I’m still going to get a Pina Colada.” She sighed, pretending to jut her lip out at you.
You shook your head and looked down at your menu, suddenly feeling your heart dropping. The prices were high! The cheapest thing you saw was $20!
“Jesus, Ningning! These prices are literally so unrealistic.” You told her.
She shrugged, “You pay for the quality, not quantity. They honestly have some of the best food in Malibu, trust me. How about we both share an appetizer and then worry about the entrees later? Sounds good?”
“Okay, well, at least I'll pay for your gas. Deal?” You asked.
“Oh hell yeah, you can definitely pay for my gas.” She nodded to herself.
You closed your menu and took your phone out, capturing some photos of the ocean for later. You wanted to savor the moment. As the sun began to dip below the horizon, casting a warm golden glow over the beach, the waves lapped gently against the shore. The sky was painted in shades of pink and orange, while the clouds seemed to catch fire with the last rays of daylight. A few seagulls flew overhead, their silhouettes dark against the vibrant sky. The air was filled with the salty scent of the sea and the distant sound of laughter and music. It was a moment of peace and beauty that seemed to suspend time, as if the world had paused to take in the breathtaking scene before it.
Only, your attention was stricken as you heard Ningning whisper something. You looked back at her and her eyes were wide and signaling to the side of you; A waiter. Your heart skipped a beat as he drew closer, his smile dazzling and his eyes sparkling. He was even more handsome up close, with strong, chiseled features and a confident demeanor. You felt a sudden burst of nervous energy, unsure of how to act in the presence of such beauty. His voice was smooth and charming as he greeted you both. You felt an immense struggle to keep your composure. It was clear that he had an effect on you, and you simply couldn't help but wonder if he felt the same way.
“Evening, ladies…” The young man greeted you both, “Can I get you guys started with anything to drink?”
Ningning eagerly nodded, “You most certainly can…Y/N?” Hearing your name snapped you out of your mini trance and you looked at her in confusion. She widened her eyes at you, signaling for you to talk.
“I’ll just get some water for now.” You told him, clearing your throat. 
He nodded, “Water it is…” A small smile crept on his face as he glanced back up at you and playfully remarked, “But I’ve got a feeling you might want something a little stronger later on.”
 You couldn't help but feel a bit flustered by his comment, but you managed to laugh it off. "We'll see about that," you replied, trying to hide your growing attraction to him. Ningning, on the other hand, was not as subtle.
 "Oh, I think we definitely will," she said with a grin, winking at the waiter. You shot her a look, but she just shrugged innocently, “I’d like a Piña Colada, extra coconut.”
The waiter chuckled, clearly enjoying the attention. "I'll keep that in mind," he said before taking your orders and walking away. Ningning leaned in, a mischievous glint in her eye.
 "He's cute, isn't he?" she whispered.
You rolled your eyes, but couldn't deny that she was right. "Yeah, he is," you admitted, feeling a flush rise to your cheeks.
“He was soooo flirting with you, Y/N.” She laughed, “It’s time you got some action, anyway. 19 and still a virgin? Unheard of.” You shook your head, trying to brush off her comment. But deep down, you couldn't help but wonder if there was some truth to it. You couldn't wait to see what the rest of the night had in store.
As the night progressed, you and Ningning chatted about a multitude of topics. Life, college, boys, parties, homework, etc. You were glad you went out with her, it was just the breath of fresh air you had been needing these past few weeks. 
Oh, and of course, you’d stolen some glances at the waiter. When he brought back your drinks, he made sure to place yours down first even though Ningning was obviously positioned in front of your water. 
One thing he did that made his interest almost completely obvious was when he leaned down on the table to speak to you when you knew he could hear you just fine as he was merely a few inches away. You wouldn’t say you were flirting back. Although Ningning was urging you to do so, flirting wasn’t something you were familiar with. Why would a guy flirt with you of all people? Especially as your much prettier friend sat across from you. For all you knew, he simply could have wanted a nice tip. You wouldn’t entertain him much, you came to get a break from campus, not to find a fling.
Ningning turned her attention back to you when he walked away to retrieve you both some refills, “He wants you.”
You didn’t respond to her comment, choosing to turn your attention to the last sushi roll instead. You rinsed it down with the last morsel of your water, sighing internally when he came back. 
“One filet mignon for Ms. Lily,” He said, placing down your food, “And a scottish Salad for-”
“Lily?” Ningning laughed, confused at the name he referred to you as.
He looked up at her as he placed her food down, “Lily Flower, in your hair,” He glanced up at you, “It’s cute, by the way.”
You awkwardly nodded, “Thanks…”
He smiled and rubbed his hands together, “Well, I’ll be around. Call me if you guys need anything. I hope you enjoy your food.”
“Will do.” Ningning said, “One thing before you go…” He nodded in acknowledgment, licking his lips. “You single?”
The waiter chuckled, clearly amused by Ningning's boldness. "I am, actually," he replied, his eyes flickering over to you for a moment.
Ningning grinned. "Good to know," she said, winking at him. "We'll keep that in mind."
As he walked away, you couldn't help but feel a little jealous of your friend's flirtatiousness. But deep down, you knew that there was something between you and the waiter, something that went beyond just a passing attraction.
As you ate your meal, you found yourself stealing glances at him, meeting your eyes with his own whenever he walked by, feeling a rush of excitement every time he flashed you a smile. Finally, as the meal came to a close, he brought over the bill and once again flashed you a charming grin. "I hope you enjoyed everything," he said, his eyes sparkling. You couldn't help but smile back, feeling a little shy under his gaze. 
"It was great, thank you," you replied, trying to sound casual, knowing damn well that you were nearly shitting your pants under his intense gaze. 
He nodded, walking away to leave you both to the bill. Ningning shook her head, “If you don’t write your number down on this bill, I’m genuinely never taking you out ever again. This is a threat.”
You couldn't help but laugh at Ningning's threat, feeling a little embarrassed at how obvious your attraction to the waiter had been. But she was right, you knew that you couldn't let this opportunity slip away. As you saw the waiter returning to take the bill, you nervously scribbled down your phone number onto a small napkin, placing it beside the bill. You hoped that he wouldn't notice until you left as you didn’t want to make anything awkward. As he collected the bill, you tried to act casual, but your heart was racing with anticipation. You watched as he glanced down at the paper with your phone number on it, and you couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking. Was he interested in you too? Or was this just wishful thinking on your part?
“Thank you ladies, have a nice night.” He said as you both got up. Ningning nudged you to say something but you urged her out of the restaurant, wanting to abort immediately. However, just before you walked out of the door, you looked back at him once more. You saw that he tucked the paper into his pocket without a word, but then he glanced back at you with a small smile, and you felt a surge of hope. Maybe there was something there after all. 
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You two made your way into town with the windows down, allowing the breeze to brush through as you listened to the radio. You pointed out a nearby hotel that looked nice, actually. Pool, multiple floors, adequate priced rooms. It wouldn’t hurt to stay for one night in a nice hotel, afterall, you only live once. 
Ningning found a parking spot and you helped her carry her bag in as she made her way to the front to pay for the room. She made small talk in the elevator but you truthfully found yourself checking your phone to see if he had texted. It was already late, nearing 1 am. Surely the restaurant wasn’t open this late. Maybe he only smiled at you out of courtesy, afterall, Ningning had left a nice tip.
As you entered the hotel room, you couldn't help but feel a little disappointed that you hadn't heard from the waiter. Maybe it was a mistake to put yourself out there like that, to give him your number so readily. Maybe he wasn't interested after all.
Ningning caught the look on your face and immediately knew what was going on. "Hey, don't worry about it," she said, giving you a comforting pat on the back. "Maybe he's just busy or something. You'll hear from him soon enough."
You nodded, trying to shake off your disappointment. "Yeah, you're right," you said, forcing a smile. "Let's just enjoy the night." Ningning nodded in agreement, and the two of you settled in for the night, enjoying the comfortable beds and the peace and quiet of the hotel room. 
But as you lay in bed, your mind kept wandering back to the waiter. Amidst all of the doubt you held within your mind, you couldn't help but wonder what he was doing, where he was, and if he was thinking about you too. Maybe it was just wishful thinking, but you couldn't help but feel like there was something there, something that was worth pursuing. 
As you placed your phone down on the nightstand beside you, it vibrated. Your heart dropped, surely…a family member wasn’t texting you at 3 in the morning, right? You took a deep breath, glancing to your side to see Ningning asleep. You reached for your phone, feeling a mix of excitement and nervousness as you saw the notification; An unsaved number. Your heart leapt in your chest as you opened the message, feeling a rush of relief and joy when you saw the text.
+1 424-936-2945: “Hey, lol.”
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authors note: i hope you guys liked this first part of my ongoing series. i was kinda writing outta my ass. i got this out sooner than i thought i would so, yeah! anyway, let me know how you guys liked it and feel free to send in any thoughts you have. i hope to write this series in you guyses vision, not my own. reblog, likes, and comments are all appreciated haha. lmk if u wanna be tagged in the next chapter.
@voidbeomgyu 
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skullytotheark · 2 months
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[design drawn by Peachy-cloudds]
My Personal headcanons for The Operator / Slenderman
[warning: a SHIT tone of writing almost sorry not actually]
The Main inspirtation is by the concept of a hivemind plantlike entity, Has this concept been done before for Slender. Yea, Am I still gonna use it? Yea 🤭 [i love eldritch plant beings they're so cool]
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In World Lore:
An extremely long time ago, A being of unknown origin manifested into the world, Simply appearing out of the blue. Being able to exist on all four layers of existence with no consequence for it's actions. Originally said to be an old folk tale elders would tell to children to scare them, The Operator, although known across the world as multiple names, Some extremely fitting while others were uncreative / unoriginal. The entity within the tale would maintain the same behavior in every culture that was made aware of it. Often stalking heavily wooded areas attempting to lure those who were unexpecting into the forest where it will stalk it's prey until they barely escape or become it's next meal. However even escape was never the last one would see the Operator. As it continued to stalk those who saw it relentlessly until it grows tired of the same torment. Or It claims another life. The operator was once said to be in many books recording folklore; however the pages and stories of encounters with it have simply been erased from existence. As if it tears the pages out itself. Wanting to remain within the darkness where it can watch and wait for those who are unaware.
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Headcanons:
Spiders tend to make small nests in the small holes that are on slender’s body, These spiders due to long exposure can give you the drowning if they bite you
The Spiral in the center of Slender’s face can hypnotize it’s victims. In my canon it’s how Slender gains most of it’s proxies
The reason Slender can disturb cameras and cause them to break is because of the electric frequency it admits. Similar to how fungi also admit Electric frequencies and is also source of the strange staticy hiss that tends to admit and follow Slender around
Slenderman is just a fae of sorts [which is just a fancy way of saying fairies], The type of fae that typically kidnap children and eat them. In my HC I kinda like to think that it is considered to be one of the first mythical forest spirits [also implying that Slender is old as balls]
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The Drowning / Slendersickness:
The drowning is a form of “Sickness” one can get when being exposed to the entity known as “The Operator” for a long period of time. It gets its name due to the feeling of choking on water and lack of air in your lungs
Normally you’d have to be in contact or near the Operator to contact the drowning however if one is sick with the drowning the drowning can be easily passed onto you with or without knowing it. Another way to get it is if you are marked by the Operator which can give you Stage 2 Of the drowning within the matter of seconds. The sickness originates from Spores that come from The Operator which are a lesser version of the Operator's final stage "The Tower ''. The following symptoms include Violent coughing [to the point of blood], Vomiting, Violent hallucinations, Trouble breathing, Seizures, Violent outbursts / episodes and dissociating. To summarize it, A Lot of the time Sickness slowly but surely eats away at your humanity until you are but a husk of your former self, Causing you to become aggressive and violent towards others. The Operator then feeds off of the conflict and uses it to make it stronger
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[Hoody / Brian in the Ark As seen in Entry# 83 At 6:30]
The Ark:
In Later years The Operator managed to make it’s own personal realm, Made to store the souls of those it has killed [or by proxy] and to drive those who enter it insane. Playing hallucinations that are personal to everyone who enters until they either die or find an exit [which is nearly impossible]. The realm as mentioned stores souls of it that have been killed that are being fed on by whatever lies in the pit that resides within the middle of the Ark, These dead victims are often in a paralyzed state where they are unable to move or speak as they slowly but surely melt into the surface of the Ark slowly becoming apart of it. However The Broken are basically souls that the "Ark" isn't able to feed off of since they are impure, Of course the broken are basically just victims of the Operator that have cracks on their body like fragile glass in a way. These souls and bodies are also often use as infinite battery packs for the Operator, Feeding off of the souls makes them more Powerful, The More souls there are the more of a threat it can become
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[Example image I drew to help explain it kinda]
The Hivemind
The Operator has more than one variant that all act as a single hive mind sharing the same exact thoughts. The following examples are The Tower, The Drones and Hallucination
The Tower: The Tower is the main source of the hivemind, These variants are basically the "Queen Bees" that pop out smaller versions of themselves to scout for food and return it to the Nest. Towers often borrow themselves deep underground where they cannot be touched, often growing extremely giant, For example they can grow to the size of the statue of liberty before stopping. Their tentacles can connect to the roots of trees which allows them to shift the forest at their command, It's also worth noting that the hivemind all share the same thoughts
Drones: The drones are basically mini clones of the hivemind that are produced so the tower doesn't have to expose itself to the outside world and get injured or killed, Their goal is to collect food until the Tower is ready to bloom. But a lot of the time these drones will hypnotize people into doing their biddings for them which is considered to be the norm nowadays. It's also less stress for the drones incase they do not wish to be discovered by the outside world. Drones can also eventually grow into Towers if they live long enough
Hallucinations: These are as you expect, They're the dones way of messing with your head by haunting you and breaking you mentality. They often appear in hallucinations and aren't the actual drones themselves, The main way to tell the difference between a drone and a hallucination is by the color of their tie. Red means that they are physically there attacking you while black means it's not real
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[lazy doodle by me]
The great blooming / The arrival:
this event is pretty straight forward. So the main reason these towers need to collect so much food and souls is so that they can bloom, Their heads unraveling to reveal a black rose that shoots out a giant cloud of spores that will infect those whoever breathes the spores in. These spores have the regular side effects such as the drowning, However those who are infected with the Tower's Spores are a ticking time bomb waiting to go off. If one is infected long enough their heads will implode into a flower and spread more spores around them
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sirfrogsworth · 1 year
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Actually, I might have too many reasons.
I'm afraid it has been a really difficult few years for me and my family.
Our beloved corgi, Otis, developed a terrible condition (degenerative myelopathy) that made him lose the function of his back legs. Once his quality of life diminished passed the point where he could no longer experience joy as a dog and only had hardship and suffering to look forward to, we had to put him to sleep.
In February, despite taking painstaking measures to stay safe, my entire family contracted COVID and I also developed a kidney stone at the same time. Unfortunately, my mother was on medication that made her immune system pretty much useless. She died a horribly lonely death in the ICU. The last time I got to speak to her was over the telephone, with a nurse holding the phone up to her face. She was confused and scared and could not breathe despite being on two different breathing aids. All she could do was ask if my dad and I were okay. She was more worried about us than herself. Then they had to put her mask back on and she kept trying to talk even though I couldn't understand her. All I could hear was the fear in her voice. I tried to tell her how much I loved her one last time, but I have no idea if she could hear me.
She lost consciousness soon after and never woke up. Eventually her heart gave up and she passed. I only got to see her once briefly through a glass door. Her body was still alive, but she was already gone at that point. Just an unconscious vessel attached to machines.
My father has kidney failure and heart failure. He is being kept alive by dialysis 3 times per week. He hates going and it wipes him out every time. We hope he has a year or two left, but it's impossible to know for sure.
I am his caretaker even though I am also disabled with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Narcolepsy. I do my best to make sure his needs are met. My brother has been almost no help at all. A few friends and my aunt come by every once in a while to help with chores, but it's pretty much just me alone taking care of the both of us.
I have no idea where I am going to live if my dad passes away. I have no plan. I have no energy to make a plan. And that fear makes it hard to sleep many nights.
Then I was having these horrible stomach issues and lost nearly 30 pounds (in a bad way). The discomfort got so bad at one point I became suicidal. My dad feared for my life and so he called the police and EMTs. They admitted me into the hospital. After 2 days in the ER, being stuck in a small room because they had no other place to put me during COVID, I was finally admitted to a psychiatric ward for observation. Weirdly my stomach issues started improving and my suicidal thoughts passed.
I'm honestly not sure if I would have taken my own life if I had not been admitted. But I will say those two days in a tiny ER room did not do much to improve my mental health. It is sad that in this country with all its resources, there is no such thing as urgent mental healthcare. They just stick you in a room and make sure you can't hurt yourself as you wait in line to get the actual help you need.
Thankfully I was able to adjust some medication I was taking and resolve my stomach issues. That seemed to relieve me of my dangerous thoughts and I have been okay in that regard ever since.
My dad had a serious infection in July that placed him in the hospital. He lost the ability to walk, his heart stopped briefly, and he started having horrible hallucinations. At one point I wasn't sure if he would ever return to reality. Nothing he said made any sense. Thankfully once they treated the infection and he got decent sleep he returned to lucidity. But he had to go through brutal rehab in order to walk again (with a walker and only short distances).
He was in hospital and rehab for over a month. After what happened to my mom, I promised myself that my dad would not be alone in the hospital. So, no matter how bad I physically felt, I pushed myself to visit him and be at his bedside every day and all day until they kicked me out. It was grueling for both of us, but I don't know if he would have recovered if I hadn't been there. Partly because I kept his spirits up, but also because I was able to get him better care as an advocate. I had to push to make sure he got the tests and medication he needed and saw the doctors that could help him. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done.
The only bright side of his hospital stay is that we rediscovered our love for St. Louis Cardinals baseball. We bonded over it and ended up watching every game. We were very sad when they were quickly eliminated in the first round of the playoffs. But it was a magical season as two fan-favorite players were playing their final season and they had amazing and emotional sendoffs. (Albert Pujols and Yadier Molina) It is my hope that my dad has at least one more baseball season left in him.
My health took a serious downturn earlier this year. It happened on the very same day that my best friend Katrina came to visit from Florida. I got so sick I could barely appreciate her presence when she was here. I had been looking forward to seeing her for a very long time and my stupid chronic illness ruined it. I was counting on that visit to give me a mental health boost.
I recovered a few weeks later, but my health has never been the same. I had to adjust to a new normal and adapt and find ways to take care of my father despite being further impaired.
I also lost my last creative outlet--writing. I enjoy researching and writing long and humorous political essays, but since my health declined further, I have not been able to write like that ever since. I'm really hoping I can regain that ability, but I'm unsure if that will happen.
One of my best friends is trans and I have many trans friends and followers and I am just really scared for them right now. The laws that are being proposed and passed are unjust and cruel. I have never witnessed such an effective campaign of hatred in my lifetime. I mean, I know there has always been hatred of the marginalized in every era of modern human existence, but this seems to go beyond just the conservative hate-mongers. It is not couched in subtext and dog whistles. It is overt and very "out loud." And I'm seeing people who claim to be progressive join in this hatred.
They are suddenly super worried about sports they never used to pay attention to. They think bathrooms are suddenly dens of danger despite trans people existing long before this concentrated hate became popular and bathrooms being perfectly safe beforehand. And now people believe that helping trans kids with proper healthcare is akin to child abuse. They think accepting trans kids is "grooming."
I see Twitter and Reddit threads filled with transphobia and it often brings me to tears to see people openly and comfortably hate the people I love so much. They hate people who have no tangible effect on their lives. People who just want to exist and be respected.
I just don't know how people can hate my friends so much without even knowing them.
Also, I'm just... really really lonely. All the time. It feels like a constant punch in the gut. I miss seeing and hugging my friends. I miss romantic companionship. And I've got a 20+ year streak of being sexually frustrated and am completely unsure how in the world to address that.
And finally, I decided to watch The Handmaid's Tale which is just full of rape and sadness. I figured I'm already horribly depressed, so a show probably isn't going to do much more damage. But it is still a tough watch.
That's the major headlines of my depression.
I'm just trying to survive and find little ways to cope. Mostly I am leaning on my support system and amazing best friends to keep me propped up and functioning.
Best I can do right now.
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The tusken massacre controversial take (both sides)
tw: mentions of rape, torture & racism
People WILL probably block me for this but IDC because I went up ahead and read up on the tuskens on the official Wiki and while I definitely DO see how it could be interpreted as racism (I genuinely believe Lucas Did Not mean for it to be read as such) . But. BUT.
I'm not saying the murder of the tuskens was "justified" but it was definitely a much. much. more complicated situation than people make it out to be. It is CANON that Tuskens are mistrustful to the point of Xenophobia of the other settlers on the planet, settlers who by this point have been there for generations. So the argument has to be made that their culture and traditions would NOT change overnight if at all. And therefore Anakin was right about one thing, (and I am willing to die on this hill.) the tusken children Would have grown up to be the same torturers and killers (possibly rapists, there were very few reasons for them to keep Shmi alive and none of them good)
Now, am I saying that killing children for something they might do or in this case Will do in the future is wrong? I'll be very honest, im only 70% sure my answer would be a definitive No. The other 30% is genuinely considering it. I cannot comment upon the female tuskens as there is literally almost NOTHING about them in Canon verse and so I know nothing about how culpable they are in this. But motherfucker NEITHER DO YOU.
Anyway yeah there are many tribes of tusken and some of them peaceful but this one was Definitely Not. We were sown this. This wasn't a matter of racism. this was a matter of Murderous, Torturing, Kidnappers. Who kidnapped and possibly raped this guy's mother.
Fact: Shmi was an innocent woman who had done NOTHING to the tusken
Fact: She was tortured at their hands for days
Fact: If someone did that to my mom, I'd be pretty murderous too especially if someone had been grooming (palpatine) me to give into my worst nature from age 9.
Idk man, things are definitely not as black and white as we are making them out to be. On EITHER SIDE. And if we're talking about bringing up the consequences of his actions before the senate? Most of them are not Nearly empathetic enough even give a fuck. They need the Hero With No Fear too much and even if they didn't they would NOT give a fuck. The jedi council definitely would but they would ALSO debate this, like a LOT.
EDIT: ALSO ALSO, ONE MORE HLL I'LL DIE ON, ITS MENTIONED IN WOOKIEPEDIEA THAT 1 TRIBE WAS A COMMUNITY OF 20-30 PEOPLE, STOP CALLING IT A FUCKING GENOCIDE. IT WAS A MASSACRE. IT WAS A FUCKING MASSACRE WHICH WAS UNACCEPTABLE BUT IT WAS VERY DIFFERENT FROM A GENOCIDE.
Edit 2: The tuskens also engaged in slavery. Definitely not the "🥺 innocents" people make them out to be.
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AITA for leaving paper notes in my neighbors mailbox asking them to quiet their loud dog?
First things first I (24f) have extreme anxiety, I just started therapy and have taken medication in the past. Confrontations are very hard for me. I cry very easy lol.
Lately our neighbors (behind our house) have been keeping their dog outside. He is very large, I think a St Bernard, and has a bark that can cut through walls. My room faces the backyard, and gets the full blunt of his barking. Only a broken wooden fence separates our yards. Nothing can be done about this.
Earlier this and last month, they have been leaving him out more, and he doesn't seem to like it. He'll bark at their back door endlessly until they let him in. His bad spews go from 30 minutes of barking to almost over an hour at times, sometimes several times a day, usually midday right when I'm home from work, and unfortunately at night, around 9:30pm.
(He does not bark inside much, he is so loud I can hear him from inside their house with my window closed, but he is usually quiet inside.)
Its gotten so bad if he barks once, I get anxious right away and tend to shut down, the sound has become a "trigger" of sorts for my anxiety. Mostly due to the unknown factor of how long he'll bark...
I was terrified to introduce myself to them, so at the support of my friends, I left a very VERY kind note in their mailbox, asking if they could shorten how long he barks. (Note almost sounded like I was a pushover lol, I didn't wanna be a Karen...but 30min to an hour is excessive for sound...)
After the first note, I do think the times he went on long barking spiels shortened, but it wasn't totally gone, as on and off he'd go off again for long periods of time. About a week or so later, I left another note thanking them for understanding, but also subtly saying he's still barking a lot...
It was then great for almost two weeks! Hardly barked at all! But last week he started up again, nearly 2 hours total straight on Saturday, over 40 min on Sunday...
I am thinking of leaving a final note with a contact email to try and talk...
But I'm scared I was TA for leaving notes at all, I have no idea what kind of people they are, or if the notes annoyed them or not...I don't want enemies and my parents know nothing about this, as they don't think its a problem. But it is illegal here to have a barking dog for that long, I checked...AITA for leaving these notes?
I can handle small amounts of barking from him! I know dogs gotta dog, but for 30min to over an hour, to maybe even 2+ hours a day...its too much to handle...and trust me when I say, he's loud...
I may still leave my email for them to try and talk, but I've been so worried what I have been doing was wrong...gotta love anxiety huh?
What are these acronyms?
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