#but keep in mind it is an illness and it is possible to cure yourself

[mooshywrites]

Bloodied Stars - Part 3 - Red and Gold Stitching

Fem!Reader x Ascended Astarion

Masterlist

Art commissions

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Word count - 5.5k

Warnings - (Series contains - Angst, “enemies” to lovers, pregnancy, disagreements, slow character growth, smut, typical asshole ascended astarion behavior, cliffhangers, murder, death - This takes place after the events in BG3, the ‘reader’ (you) is not Tav. Just a Baldur’s Gate resident)

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“We could be a family”

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Chapter list

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You awoke with a start, grimacing when your muscles protested sorely. You rubbed your eyes, trying to regain your bearings.

You were in your bed.

Familiar sights and smell filtered in, the skeins of thread littering your table, the comfortable fabric of your quilt over you, the sunlight filtering through your bedside window.

You squinted at the light, memories of the night before appearing as snippets.

Your cheeks flushed red as what you had done hit you all at once. You couldn’t find it in yourself to be ashamed, remembering the feeling of the vampire’s hands all over you.

You reached up, fingertips tracing over the twin pinpricks on your neck.

Not a dream, then.

You took in a deep breath, looking out the window. With a shake, you tried to ignore thinking about how exactly you’d been returned to your bed, or what it meant for an ascended vampire of all people to know where you lived. You tried to keep the sadness from tugging at your chest, shaking off the sleepiness from the morning.

As you stood up and stretched, you tried to fill yourself with determination. You were home. You were alive. More importantly, you had orders to fill.

It was best to put your near death experience and incredibly alluring one night stand as far out of your mind as possible. After all, you would never be seeing the pale elf again.

Would you?

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The next few days had dragged on painfully slow. The orders you usually snagged as a seamstress seemed to have all but dried up completely. Business was usually a little slow around this time of year, but the extra time on your hands did nothing to help your constant habit of thinking about your night with the Vampire.

In the evenings, you even found yourself focusing outside of your window, hoping to catch a glimpse of the man. But there was never a single sign from him. You hadn’t been back to the bar where you met Amastacia since that night, but you were sure she wouldn’t have shown her face there either.

As the days turned into weeks, doubts began to creep in your mind. Had it all been some sort of dream?

Your mood wasn’t helped by the ill timed cold you caught. Earlier in the week, you found yourself growing nauseated constantly. The only thing you could force and keep down was a meat broth, a dish you’d had every day for almost entire week by now.

When the sunlight started streaming through your window this particular morning, your nausea was a little more kind to you than usual. Happy to be finally getting over the sickness, you stretched with a yawn. Making your way to the window, you soaked in the cool morning air washing over you like a soothing balm. As you gazed out at the waking city below, your stomach growled loudly.

At least with the nausea gone, you finally had an appetite.

You padded your way into the small kitchen, rummaging through your stores for ingredients. The kitchen was always a disheveled mess, neglected in favor of your sewing. That meant finding anything in here was a nightmare. With a sigh, you settled on a vegetable medley and cured sausage for breakfast. Now that you would be able to keep food down, it would probably be important to get as many nutrients as possible.

But as you began chopping the colorful vegetables, a sudden wave of unease washed over you. The vibrant hues and crisp textures that usually had you drooling now seemed to turn your stomach. The sight and smell of the sausage made your nose wrinkle and body recoil in a way you couldn’t comprehend.

Frowning, you tried to push away these strange feelings, attributing them to the lingering effects of your recent illness. But as you continued to cook, an undeniable craving gnawed at the back of your mind, growing louder with each passing moment.

And then it hit you. As you watched the crimson juices from the beets stain the cutting board, a primal desire surfaced.

A desire for that juice to be blood.

Disgust filled you immediately, conflicting emotions warring within you. You dropped the knife with a clatter, feeling as though you were teetering on the edge of sanity. Your thoughts immediately flicked to the night you shared with your very own bloodsucker.

Had you been turned into a spawn?

No, surely that was impossible. Embarrassing as it was to admit, you’d read up quite a bit about vampires in the past weeks, your curiosity getting the best of you. From what you had read, spawns were only created if they had died after being bitten by a vampire.

Though you didn’t have much memory of after you fell asleep in the pale elf’s arms, you were very sure you hadn’t died.

It had to be from something else. As you stared at the red stained cutting board before you, you wondered if you should see a healer about this.

“Just don’t tell them you slept with a vampire,” you chided yourself with a hollow laugh.

Shaking off your unease, you resolved to go ahead and seek an expert. One who could shed some light on your peculiar situation.

You took a few minutes to throw on something other than your sleep shirt, slipping into your shoes to ready yourself for the day. The sky was starting to grow downcast and you cursed under your breath, hoping you wouldn’t show up to the healer looking like a rain drowned rat.

Leaving your beloved shop behind, you ventured out into the bustling streets. Despite the weather, the city was a cacophony of sights and sounds. Merchants hawking their wares, children playing in the cobblestone alleys, and plenty of shady characters lurking in the shadowed parts of the road. As you made your way through the crowded city, you couldn’t shake the feeling of unease that gnawed at the edges of your mind. The events of the past few weeks weighed heavily on your soul, and the mystery of your newfound condition haunted you like a ghost.

The sun hung low in the sky, casting long shadows across the cobblestone as you finally arrived at the healer’s shop. The building was a quaint little establishment, nestled amongst winding ivy and foliage, its wooden sign creaking in the gentle breeze.

Pushing open the door, you were greeted by the scent of herbs and dried flowers, mingling with the smoky aroma of incense. The healer, a wise old half-elf with kind eyes, looked up from his book with a smile.

“Welcome to Bandages, Books, and Bobs, dearie,” he croaked. “What ails ya’.”

You hesitated for a moment, unsure of how to broach the subject with the elderly man. His wrinkled face held centuries of wisdom, yet you couldn’t shake the doubt he’d be unable to help.

Taking a deep breath, you finally found the courage to speak, your voice hushed with nervousness. “I.. I don’t know exactly. It’s like… like a cold but I’m having some odd food distaste as well. Along with fatigue of course.”

The healer’s gaze turned sharp and focus,ed his eyes peeking over his glasses as he studied you. After a moment of silence, he let out an approving grunt, hobbling over to a low set table.

“Fatigue, you say? Let’s see if we can’t find the cause. Sit down over here, dearie, and let old Birch have a closer look,” he smiled.

You settled onto the worn wooden table as Birch meandered around the shop, grabbing a few different apparatuses in his arms.

The elder laid out his instruments meticulously, rambling under his breath about organization. He first reached for a delicate silver chain with a shimmering crystal at its end, swinging it gently in front of your eyes. As the crystal danced in the light, you felt a wave of calm wash over you, soothing any nerves you had.

Birch then brought a small vial filled with a vibrant blue liquid that seemed to glow from within. He uncorked the vial and carefully placed a drop onto his gnarled finger, which he then touched to your forehead. The liquid seeped into your skin, leaving a tingling sensation in its wake.

“These must be old methods,” you wondered aloud as the old man observed your reaction.

“Older than the city in which we sit,“ Birch assured happily.

Finally, he moved on to a bundle of dried herbs tied together with a satin ribbon. He crushed the herbs between his weathered palms, releasing a fragrant aroma that filled the room.

“Take a deep breath, dearie,” he instructed.

As you inhaled the earthy scent, your stomach upturned immediately. You gagged on the smell, willing yourself not to throw up on the elder in front of you. The healer’s hands dropped as he looked at you with newfound understanding, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he smile.

“No need to worry, my sweet,” he said gently. “You and your special someone are about to be a trio.”

You felt a lump form in your throat as you met his gaze, your thoughts trying to piece together what the old man was saying.

“You’re with child,” he offered knowingly.

A rush of emotions flooded through you as the healer’s words settled in.

A child?

How could this be possible? Realization hit you like a ton of bricks as your mind raced back to the night you’d been taken. The memory that you’d desperately tried to move past. In a daze, you grabbed the edges of the table, trying to steady yourself. The healer’s voice seemed to fade in the background as you grappled with the situation you found yourself in.

Questions tumbled through your mind, a tempest of uncertainty and fear threatening to consume you whole. What kind of creature were you even carrying in your womb? None of the books you had read said anything about vampires conceiving children.

Could you even take care of a child?

You were by no means destitute, but your shop and home were small. Your income was only enough to manage scraping by, definitely not enough for what it took to raise someone.

Amidst the chaos of your thoughts, a flicker of another feeling stirred within you - a cool and collected determination. It seemed so out of place in the whirlwind of panic consuming the rest of you.

You were going to have to find the pale elf again.

The strange sense of purpose settled deep within you as you mulled over the thought. Whatever you were carrying was going to be at least half vampire. You vaguely remembered the man saying something about being ‘ascended’ as well. Nothing you had read about explained anything about ascension, so you had no idea how that would factor into your already lacking knowledge surrounding the pregnancy.

Taking a deep breath, you pushed aside the doubts and fears that threatened to overwhelm you. You knew one thing for certain - you needed answers. And the only one who could provide them was the mysterious pale elf who had set this chain of events in motion. You needed to talk to him if you had any hopes of surviving this pregnancy.

If you could find him, that was.

“Thank you for the help, I’m glad it’s not anything more serious,” you smiled at the man, trying to keep your voice even and assured.

He gave you a bright smile, ushering you to the front to take your payment. His wise eyes never left you, seeming to understand the turmoil of emotions swirling within you. Thankfully, he didn’t pry too much into your sour mood. With a final thank you, you turned to leave.

“Good luck with the little one, dearie! You’ll be just fine,” he called out.

Oh how hard it was to keep the tears from flowing with that encouragement.

Leaving the healer’s abode, your mind was consumed by the puzzle that lay before you. There was three things you knew you needed to find out. What did it mean to be ascended? How would that factor in to your baby?

Most importantly, how do you find someone when you don’t know where they live or even know their name?

The determination that had taken root in your chest blossomed into a steely resolve as you navigated the winding streets of the city. The only place you could think to start looking was the tavern where it all began.

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Waiting for the pub to open that evening was hellish, your body thrumming with the need to do something with all the nervous energy you were producing.

You shifted uncomfortably on the hard wooden bench outside the tavern, your thoughts drifting back to the healer’s words. The finally setting sun painted the sky in hues of pink and orange, casting a warm glow over the cobblestone streets. As you sat there, your hand absentmindedly rubbing your arm, you couldn’t help but wonder about the child growing inside of you. Were they the reason you were craving raw meat? You couldn’t help but giggle as you paired the thoughts together.

“I hope you don’t want blood often,” you mused to yourself. “Otherwise, you and I are going to have a long nine months.”

Did vampires even have nine month pregnancies? You hadn’t even thought of how the race would affect you, you were so caught up in what it meant for your child to be half vampire.

Lost in your thoughts, you almost didn’t notice the sound of the tavern door creaking open. It didn’t take long for people to begin spilling in, the sound of laughter and clinking spilling into the streets.

Stepping inside, the warm light and comforting smell of ale washed over you like a familiar embrace. In minutes, the tavern was crowded with patrons, their voices blending together. You made your way to a corner table, watching and waiting.

Hours passed as you nursed a mug of honey tea, your gaze darting around the room, searching for any sign of recognition. Sleep had already started to pull at your eyes, the fire crackling making you even drowsier.

Then, just as you were beginning to lose hope, a figure caught your eye. A well dressed man sitting at the bar, laughing loudly at the woman next to him. There was something about his stark white hair that sparked the memory within you. His were the same shade of hair and eyes as your pale elf.

Without hesitation, you rose from your seat and approached him, heart pounding in your chest. As he turned to face you with a confused glance, you cleared your throat loudly. The woman next to him gave you a look as well, her eyes giving you a critical once over.

“Can I help you?” the man prodded.

“You should leave while you can,” you told the woman, ignoring the pale spawn. “Unless you want to be this guy’s dinner. And not in the fun way.”

The spawn’s eyes sparked with anger, the wooden pitcher of ale in his hand shaking slightly. The woman’s gaze flickered between you and the white haired man, uncertainty clouding her features. She seemed torn between heeding your warning and dismissing it as mere lunacy.

“Why should I believe you?” the woman challenged, her voice tinged with discomfort.

You took a step closer, lowering your voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “Because I know who he works for and what they’re capable of. Let’s just say it’s not something you want to stick around for.”

The white haired man’s grip on the pitcher tightened even further, his expression darkening with every passing second. With a glance, you could see the inner struggle raging within him, torn between obeying his anger and maintaining a facade of civility.

After looking to the spawn, the woman gave a quick nod, pushing herself away from the bar. She shot one last wary glance at the man before making a hasty exit. As soon as she was out of sight, the tension in your shoulders eased slightly. You looked back to the furious man, almost taken aback by the complete lack of fear you had. For gods sake, this was a vampire spawn. He could rip you limb from limb if he wanted, and yet, the only thing you felt was determination.

“What the hell was that,” the man gritted out.

“Careful, draw too much attention to yourself, spawn, and people will start asking questions,” you smiled.

“What?” he demanded in a hushed voice, his expression growing incredulous. “How would you know I was a spawn.”

“You all need to be introduced to the wide world of hair dye if you think you’re being discreet,” you dead-panned.

The pale man’s confusion was palpable, his brows furrowed together and his lips pressed in a thin line. He glanced around nervously, seemingly worried about anyone eavesdropping on the conversation.

“Now look,” you leaned in closer, your voice low and commanding. “I didn’t come here just to ruin your dinner. Take me to your boss.”

His eyes widened in astonishment, disbelief etched across his features. It was clear that he didn’t expect this brazen demand from someone so unassuming, but there was something in your unwavering gaze that made him hesitate.

He looked over you, determining whether you were a threat. After a moment of tense silence, the spawn straightened up, his demeanor shifting from anger to caution. Without a word, he gestured for you to follow him and began weaving through the crowded pub toward the back exit. You observed his face silently, seeing how easily his charm was turned off. How hollow his eyes looked now that he wasn’t playing a character.

The air grew colder as you stepped out into the alleyway, following the pale man into the darkness beyond. The path was thin and claustrophobic, winding and twisting as you walked. The spawn moved swiftly, his footsteps echoing against the stone as he led you deeper into the city.

After what felt like an eternity, you arrived at a watchtower, an inconspicuous ladder leading up. You vaguely remembered the place from when you had been drugged, but the memory was hazy. You were slightly taken aback by how normal the building looked. You climbed the ladder easily, following the spawn as he led you to the front doors.

The doors creaked open as the man pushed them, and you were met with a sight that stole your breath away. The interior of the bricked building was nothing like the plain outer walls. It was a grand entrance, with high ceilings adorned with intricate tapestries. The room was bathed in a soft ethereal light that seemed to emanate from nowhere, casting long shadows that danced along the walls.

You followed the spawn through the hall, your footsteps muffled by the plush carpets that lined the floor. The air was filled with the scent of sandalwood and brandy, a heady mix that made you feel light headed and on edge. As you passed by large portraits and shelves filled with expensive knicknacks, you couldn’t help but wonder how you didn’t know about the people behind these walls.

Finally, you reached a set of ornate double doors at the end of the hall. The spawn turned to you, his expression unreadable in the dim light.

“You asked for this,” he said cryptically, his voice barely above a whisper. “Whatever happens from this point is your own fault.”

With a sense of trepidation mixed with curiosity, you nodded for him to open the doors. The doors were silent as they opened, revealing a room that raised the hairs on the back of your neck.

It was just as richly detailed as the hallway, tall ceilings and crystal chandeliers with flickering candles. Through the shadow, your eyes landed on a figure at the end of the room, lounging on a plush chair. As your eyes focused in on the darkness, your breath stilled.

There was your pale elf.

He shifted lazily on the throne, his gaze fixed on something far beyond your reach. His white hair curled ever so delicately above his eyes, starkly contrasting his crimson gaze. Your eyes trailed over his features, the memory of the night you shared making your cheeks flush.

Not the time for such things, you thought.

“Have you brought me dinner?” The pale elf asked, the spawn next to you going still.

You stepped further into the room, trying to ignore the sharp scent of metal present in the air. You couldn’t help but feel a pang of annoyance as you realized the vampire wasn’t paying attention to your arrival, the feeling mixing with your crippling nervousness.

His eyes were glazed over as though he existed in a realm all his own, detached from the world around him. Despite his apparent disinterest, you felt the familiar pull towards the pale elf.

Like a moth to a flame.

“Sorry to disappoint,” you cleared your throat, trying to keep your voice calm. “But I’m not dinner.”

A flicker of recognition sparked in the vampire’s ruby eyes as he slowly shifted his gaze, focusing on you with an intensity that sent shivers down your spine. The memory of your clandestine encounter lingered between you, unspoken yet palpable in the charged air of the room. His surprise at seeing you seemed to mingle with a simmering anger, evident in the way his jaw tensed imperceptibly.

For a moment, silence hung heavy in the room, broken only by the faint rustle of fabric as you took a cautious step closer. The delicate dance of candlelit shadows played across the floor, casting an otherworldly glow upon your features. You steeled yourself, focusing on keeping your breath even and your shoulders back.

You wouldn’t let him see you afraid.

“You have quite the audacity to seek me out,” he remarked, his voice low and as smooth as the velvet flooring. A predatory gleam surfaced in his gaze, doing nothing to help the memories you were trying to ignore. “Or perhaps you simply enjoy tempting fate.”

Despite the tension that crackled between you, a sense of defiance bloomed within your chest. You refused to cower under his piercing stare, mustering all the courage you could gather.

“I came here with a purpose,” you asserted, your tone unwavering. “There’s something you need to know.”

A sardonic smile tugged at the corners of his lips, revealing a hint of pointed fangs that glistened in the dim light.

“Is that so?” he drawled, amusement coloring his words. “And what makes you think I would be inclined let you live long enough to speak?”

The challenge in his voice spurred something primal within you, fueling your annoyance into a flaming blaze of anger. The arrogant smile across his lips had lit the wrong fuse within you.

“Because I’m carrying your child,” you replied simply.

The vampire’s eyes widened in shock, his confident demeanor fading entirely as he processed your words. The air was thick with tension, your confession lingering like a hanging shroud.

“Leave,” he demanded, his eyes flicking to the spawn beside you. Those words were all it took for the smaller man to make a hasty exit. For you to be alone with the pale elf again.

Something told you that this time would be a lot less pleasurable than the last.

“You’re carrying my child?” His voice wavered, betraying a hint of something deeper beneath his usual arrogance.

You held his gaze steadily, willing him to see the truth in your eyes. “Yes,” you affirmed, your voice soft but still sure. “I didn’t come here seeking a fight. I came here because I know nothing of how your kind works. I don’t want this pregnancy to kill me just because I was unlucky enough to conceive with a vampire.”

His gaze softened entirely at the vulnerability in your words, a split second where he even looked on you with compassion. Only a moment after, his demeanor hardened again.

“If that is indeed the case, you’re not leaving,” he declared firmly, his voice carrying a tone of finality that allowed no argument. The shadows seemed to gather around him like a cloak, emphasizing the sharp angles of his features and the intensity in his eyes. You shivered involuntarily, feeling the weight of his command pressing down on you.

Not leaving?

As if in response to his words, the room felt as if it was shrinking around you, the walls closing in at the thought of being stuck in a place like this.

“Why not?” you whispered, suddenly desperately wanting to be back in your comfortable home. All of the confidence you felt drained from your body, pinned under the vampire’s stare.

“You carrying my heir is not a situation I had anticipated,” he sighed, looking off as he planned aloud. “But now that it is here, we must consider our next steps carefully.”

Your skin began to crawl, feeling uncomfortable with how quickly his words started to sound like a strategy. As if he was thinking about how to work in a new pawn to his game.

“Having an heir could mean a powerful ally in my world,” he continued.

You weighed the words carefully, biting your tongue in an attempt to rationalize the aggressiveness that rose in your chest.

“You see this baby as a calculated move to further your power?” you accused, the words like venom on your tongue.

His gaze grew pointed, warning flashing in his eyes. “You underestimate the significance of the child you carry,” his voice was soft but laced with underlying threat. “With an heir born of an ascended bloodline, I could solidify my position.”

“This child I carry is not a pawn for you to manipulate,” you spat, your voice trembling with a mix of fear and anger. The room seemed to hold its breath, waiting for his response.

His jaw clenched, the muscles working beneath his skin as he struggled to maintain his composure. But you saw the flicker of doubt in his eyes, a vulnerability that almost made him seem human.

“You think I wanted things to turn out this way?” he gritted. “That night was a mistake. But now I must adapt with the hand I’ve been dealt.”

You flinched at his words, trying not to let the way he said ‘mistake’ carve a wound into your heart.

Was that night a mistake?

“A child can’t bear the weight of your world,” you pleaded.

“My heir can,” he seethed, baring his teeth as he spoke.

You shoulders sagged, exhaustion suddenly breaking you. You knew this was a fight you couldn’t win. You were completely and utterly trapped. You had no way of protecting the life growing inside of you.

Tears slipped down your cheeks as the life you would lead began to play out in your mind. Your heart ached at the thought of your baby being destined for a life devoid of innocence and joy. Images of a dark and twisted future flashed, a future where your child would never know the warmth of the sun or the laughter of other children. You knew you would be cast aside after giving birth, thrown away when you had served your purpose. But thinking of having the baby, looking at its little face and crystal clear eyes opening for the first time and it being to a world so violent…

That hurt worse.

“Not my baby,” you whispered helplessly, despair clouding your mind.

The vampire’s expression softened as he saw the tears on your cheeks, the depths of your emotion in your words. His cold facade cracked for a moment, a wave of sadness in his eyes.

“This does not have to be so grim,” he began, his voice much more gentle. “Your life isn’t over. Neither is the baby’s. I wouldn’t take that from them before they even take their first breath.”

Confusion etched across your features as you dared to hope, a spark of uncertainty mingling with the fear in your heart. Slowly, the vampire stood and took a few steps towards you, his gaze meeting yours with an unexpected tenderness.

“We could even be a family,” he said softly, the words lingering in the air like a fragile promise. “A real family, one that doesn’t impose the weight of responsibility on an heir until they’re old enough to bear it. Power can be safety. Especially in the world the baby will grow up in.”

As you gazed into the vampire’s eyes, a glimmer of longing began to take root in your chest. The idea of a family, of a future not tainted with this pale elf’s blood soaked world, seemed almost within reach. His words carried a sliver of hope that you desperately clung to in the midst of your despair.

But as you continued to study his face, looking for any signs of hesitance, you noticed the hollow look that lingered in his eyes. It was a subtle shift, barely perceptible, but it sent a chill down your spine. All at once, the realization struck you like a hideous bolt of lightning-

He was lying.

Anger surged within you, fierce and unrelenting. How dare he play with your emotions, offer you everything you had dreamed of? And for what? So he could gain an inch more of power by raising someone to be as monstrous as him?

Your tears grew hot, rage fueling every thought you had. With a steel edge to your voice, you glared up at the vampire.

“You can’t help it can you?” you seethed. “Too weak to get anything in life without manipulation. I won’t sacrifice my life for you.”

The vampire’s lips curled into a challenging sneer, the air growing heavy as he stepped closer. Each step was deliberate, each movement menacing

“How dare you speak to me like that,” he hissed, mere inches from your face. “You are nothing but a mere mortal, insignificant. You know nothing of sacrifice.”

You stood your ground, refusing to cower before him. The vampire’s gaze darkened, anger brewing behind his eyes as he regarded you.

“Faelar!” He barked, his eyes switching to the door in which you entered.

Before you could react, the door opened quickly. A taller man with the same stark white hair entered, his head bowed respectfully. The vampire took a step back from you, giving the spawn his attention.

“Take her,” he commanded, his tone icy. “Lock her in the spare room until she learns her place.”

The spawn obeyed without question, his expression blank as he approached you. He picked you up deftly, tucking you against his chest.

“No!” you cried out, trying to struggle against his arms.

Despite your thrashing and attempts to break free, his grip was unyielding and firm. His strength was unnatural, his muscles like steel beneath his pale skin. As he started to carry you down the hall, you couldn’t help but feel a sense of dread settle in the pit of your stomach.

Eventually you stopped fighting, devolving into a puddle of tears in the spawn’s arms. The spawn held you close through the dimly lit corridors of the ancient mansion, his steps clicking softly. Your sobs had morphed into silent tears, leaving only the hollow ache of helplessness.

As he pushed open a pair of heavy wooden door, a waft of musty air greeted you, mingled with a faint scent of dried roses. You peeked around in the dark room, taking in your new prison. The room was sparse, furnished with a bed draped in faded linens and a solitary bookcase covered in dust.

The spawn laid you down on the bed with surprising gentleness, his touch feather-light against your skin. His hollow eyes had softened as he regarded you with an unspoken empathy. Your eyes flitted to the door, gauging whether you could outrun a vampire spawn in an escape. As if reading your mind, the man shook his head apologetically.

“Don’t try. You’ll only make him angrier,” he chided. His voice was airy, an accent you couldn’t place rounding out his vowels.

“It seems he’s always angry. Angry and drunk on power” You bit out, regretting the venom in your tone when the spawn flinched.

“You may be right,” he sighed, smoothing out the bedding next to you. “But some who thirst for power are only afraid of what will happen if they don’t have it. Anger is a powerful mask for fear.”

You looked away, mulling over his words silently. You didn’t want to humanize your captor. Didn’t want to think of him as anything other than the monster in your fairytale.

“Someone will visit you with food. Perhaps I can convince the Master to make the room more comfortable as well,” the spawn assured you, moving toward’s the door.

You thumbed the fabric on the bed idly, trying to ignore the growing exhaustion you felt. The cover was just as soft as it looked, the red velvet still bright under the layer of dust. Your fingertips ran over the gold detailing as you thought, resolving yourself to leaving an escape plan for the next day.

“I’ll take my leave, unless you need anything else,” the spawn offered gently, as if he was worried he’d shatter the sliver of composure you had left.

“What’s his name?” you asked, the words tumbling out of your mouth before you could even register them as thoughts.

“Astarion,” the pale man whispered, his voice more tense than before. He slipped past the door and shut it before you could ask anything else, leaving you in the dark dusty room. The door clicked as soon as the it shut, locking you within.

You fell back against the bed, too tired to cry any more than you already had. You stared at the gold and red stitching on the duvet below you, trying your best to ignore the shade’s dead match to the Vampire’s eyes.

Astarion, you thought, rolling the name around in your head.

Sleep pulled you close faster than you could realize, the chaos of the day already fading. Images of Astarion danced in your mind, his sharp features softening the same way they did when you caught his mask slipping. The way his eyes held a stormy complexity that both intrigued and terrified you.

Before your eyes fluttered shut for the day, your naive heart couldn’t help but remember his all too pretty lie.

“We could be a family.”

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Next chapter

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Tagged ~ @dinoace2 , @tiedyedghoulette , @bloodlust-1 , @n3cros1sbunny , @bookishpenguino

#astarion #astarion x reader #astarion x you #astarion x tav #bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #ascended astarion #ascended astarion x you #ascended astarion x tav #astarion fanfiction #astarion fanfic #ascended astarion fanfic #ascended astarion fanfiction #astarion smut #bg3 astarion #baldurs gate 3 astarion #bg3 ascended astarion #baldurs gate 3 ascended astarion #astarion angst #astarion fluff #ascended astarion angst #ascended astarion fluff #bg3 fanfic #baldurs gate fanfiction #baldurs gate 3 fanfiction #bg3 fluff #bg3 smut #baldurs gate 3 smut #baldurs gate 3 fluff #bg3 fanfiction

[xxeycisxx]

Need | Matt Murdock

Matt Murdock x Fem!Reader

Summary: you try to find comfort in Matt's arms

Author's note: this is my first smut- yay! to be honest, i don’t really think that this is a healthy way of coping with mental illness, but again, i needed to vent. Hope you like it, there might be some typos, if you find some, sorry in advance. 

TW: smutt, definitely 18+, praise kink paired with humiliation kink, p in v, but wrap it before you tap it irl, this is really just a fantasy. probably a slight breeding kink? edging,  little bit of angst.

Word-count: 3198 (sorry, i got carried away)

masterlist here

You were desperately knocking on his door. There was so many things that were on your mind right now. You felt miserable, your face was still covered in tears.

You went on a few dates, but you, as you always do, self-sabotaged and ghosted him for some time. But right now, you knew that you can‘t spend another night alone. So here you were. You didn’t even thought about what you’re gonna say, you just knew you needed to see him.

The door opened and you saw him, immediately fighting the urge to jump into his arms.

You and Matt met a few weeks ago at a bar. You were drinking alone, when Matt tried to hit on you, but after a couple of drinks, it was more about getting to know each other as a person, rather than just a one night stand. It was something more. You two really hit it off and you felt like he truly saw you for who you are.

„Y/n?“ he said your name with a surprise, he wasn’t wearing his glasses, so you could clearly see his face and his expression. He wasn’t angry.

„Matt…“ you said quietly, while wondering how to start a conversation, or even just explain why you came here and why he hadn’t heard from you in two weeks.

„What are you doing here? Are you okay?“ he asked. But his voice wasn’t filled with hostility, or anything else that might scare you off. But how could you explain this feeling that filled your whole mind and you felt like you can‘t fight it on your own anymore and there was noone else you could go to for help?

You kissed him, wrapping your arms around him and holding him as close as you could. He brough his arms around your waist and pulled you into his apartment. Your knees were shaking, at first, the kiss was hesitant, both of you had no idea of what to expect. You felt his big arms wrap around your waist, bringing you closer too, which made you more confident of your actions.

After a few seconds, he pulled away.

„Y/n?“ he asked, desperately trying to understood you.

„Matt, please. I need this,“ you felt more tears coming out. What if he didn’t want you? What if he found someone else already? What if he was angry with you? But you needed this. You needed to be held. To feel loved. To feel that someone cares about you.

„I thought you didn’t want to continue with whatever was going on between us…“ he said, while still keeping his hands on your waist, one of them starting to move along your hips. He was caressing you so gently.

„I just didn’t want to be a burden for you,“ your confession was like a knife going through your heart. You felt so ashamed of yourself.

„How could you be?“ if it would be possible to be cured by a sentence, this one would be it. You decided to ignore the urge to go through top ten reasons, why you could actually be a burden and just kissed him, focusing on a completely different urge that was growing inside your body.

He closed the door behind you and pushed you to it. He took your jacket off and then his hands started to explore your body. There was something about his touch that could make you scream. You longed for it so much. You longed for him.

You gasped for air between the kiss, and then felt his tongue on your lips, tasting you, taking you in. Your hands tangled in his hair, while one of his hands sneaked down on your butt and lightly squeezed.

„Matt,“ you moaned his name. You felt his cock twitch on your hip right after his name left your lips. Your hand started to slowly go down and gently palmed him though his pants. He moaned back.

„Do you really want this?“ he was already out of breath, but so were you.

„I need you Matt,“ you cried out, „I need you to fuck me,“

Matt picked you up in his arms and carried you to a different room. When you opened your eyes, you saw a big bed, that was all that mattered and all that you could actually take in in such a short time. He took you to his bedroom.

You still couldn’t believe that this was actually happening, but you knew that spending another night alone is something you simply couldn‘t affored in this mental state. You needed to be with someone that you could trust and maybe it would help you to stop thinking for at least a moment. You needed someone to protect you from yourself.

He started kissing you again, his lips traveled down to your neck, feeling his soft tongue on your skin. You took off his shirt and immediately started to touch his bare skin, enjoying the feeling of warmth that radiated off of him. Without any warning, you felt sharp, but pleasent pain on your neck. He was lightly biting the skin on your neck and a distinct moan escaped your lips. It made you dig your nails into his skin, he moaned back and quickly took your shirt off, too.

„You need me to fuck you?“ he said into your ear with a low voice, making your pussy throb for him, growing even wetter.

„Mh-mm,“ you mumbled, while trying to unzip his pants. Yours were gone in a few seconds, left you wondering how it was possible to actually do it so fast. But you weren’t complaining. After a few attempts, you finally managed to get his pants off too and he stopped your hands quickly from going back to his skin.

„Answer me, need to hear that,“ his voice was full of breath, pure lust coming from his lips. You tried to break out of his tight grip, but he was waiting for your answer.

„Need you to fuck me, please Matt,“ you said desparetely. He didn’t let go off your hands right away, but one of his hands moved to your neck. He squeezed the soft skin of your neck lightly, moving you closer to his lips, but not kissing you yet, which made you want to beg even more. You noticed how he tilted his head, as if he was checking on something.

„Good girl,“ he gave you a small kiss but still kept his grip tight on your neck, ,,dont worry, I will,“ finally he kissed you again, his tongue again tasting you and taking you in. Letting your hands free, his fingers unziped your bra and quickly cupped your bare boobs, with each moment focusing more on your nipples. He played with them between his fingers, pulled them towards him, so you had to come even closer to him. At this point you were moaning without no hesitation, completely letting yourself go.

„Love the way you sound when I’m touching you like that, sweetheart,“ he whispered to you. One of his hands started to go down, touching your pussy, that was now only covered by a thin layer of your completely wet panties.

„Can’t wait to find out what you’re gonna sound like with my dick inside you,“ he chuckled. You only answered with another string of moans. He took off your panties and pushed you gently onto his bed. Taking off his own underwear, he kneeled down between your legs, you patiently waited for his next move and observed him, towering over you. Your eyes swiftly noticing his throbbing dick, that made you doubt your recent decisions, but your mouth started to drool, just by looking at it. His body was perfect. You wanted to lick every inch.

He started touching your pussy lightly, just slowly grazing across your slit.

„Matt, please,“ you moaned his name this time and it made his cock twitch. You wanted to touch him too, but he stopped you with his other hand and held both of them above your head. He had you completely in control.

„You need to be patient, I want to enjoy this,“ his fingers touched your entrance, but he didn’t let them inside you yet, „you’re so wet, i know it’s hard for you,“ he was slowly moving his fingers from your entrance to your clit, not to make you cum, but only to make you want it even more, he was enjoying your body and testing how you’re gonna react to the things he was doing to you.

He took his dick in his hand and started doing the same movement with his dick this time. As soon, as his dick made contact with pussy, you wanted to scream. You wanted him so much, you needed to feel him inside you.

„Want you to beg me,“ he said firmly. You were so desparate at that point, you would do anything. He was still continuing with the up-and-down movement, you were pretty sure you would go crazy at any moment.

„Please Matt, please,“ you tried to look composed, but your voice was shaking. You felt him moving his tip between your folds, spreading your juices over your pussy. He smiled.

„You want me to fuck you so bad? Beg more for me“ he was mocking you now. But you didn’t care anymore.

„Matt please, need to feel you inside me, need your cum,“

„Good girl, relax for me then, so I can fit inside,“ he said gently, but still firmly. You loved the way he instructed you, he did it with so much compassion, but you still felt like you have to do everything he tells you to and try your best while at it.

He pushed his tip inside. It did hurt, he was so thick. But it felt good. You wanted to feel like this forever.

„You’re so tight, oh god…“ he moaned, stopping fro going deeper and actually letting both of you adjust to the feeling. It was amazing. You couldn’t belive you’re really doing this. With him. But anything you felt an hour ago was gone now and everything that existed for you now was Matt. He still held your hands above your head, so you couldn’t move much, but you felt a deep need to touch him and tried to pull away from his tight grip.

„Gonna let go of your hands, and you’re gonna hold on to me, as i go deeper, do you understand?“ he instructed, as if he could read your mind.

„mhh-mm“ you noded. He let your hands go and you instantly held onto his arms and beck, as if your life depended on it, as if he was helping you to go through it. You felt his dick go deeper- his tip was now inside you and another half of his shaft was still waiting for your pussy to accommodate it.

„You’re doing so good for me“ he praised you. It made your pussy squeeze around him and he moaned as he felt it, too. It surprised you, that he was able to notice such small details, but it also made you even more horny - knowing that he liked it so much. He slowly continued to go deeper and after a few moments, he was finally able to fit his whole dick inside you. You both moaned as he hit the deepest point of you. You were repeating his name like a prayer and trying to get used to the feeling of having him inside.

„Good girl, you squeeze me so nicely,“ he put one of his hand across your neck, gently squeezing, to hold you in place. He started to move inside you, in slow, long strokes, he repeatedly made your pussy welcome his dick again and again, it was getting easier for him with each stroke, as your cunt stretched for him and got wetter everytime he moved inside you.

His lips traveled from yours to your bare chest. He took one of your nipples inside his mouth and gently sucked at the sensitive skin.

„Oh Matt, please, more…“ you moaned. You needed him everywhere, on every inch of your body. He started softly biting at it, switching between sucking and biting made you afraid for your sanity. You digged your nails into his skin on his back, holding him tightly and pulling him closer to you. His strokes never stopped. He kept a steady pace through it all.

You needed more. You needed to feel more.

„Matt please…“ you begged, not quite sure how to form sentences at this point.

„Use that mouth, baby, tell me what you need,“ he stopped sucking your nipple and moved back to your lips. He kissed you passionately.

„Harder Matt, please, harder…“ you whispered to him. He paused for a second and then pulled out of you. He left your neck, grabbed you with both hands and turned you around, handled you onto all fours, as if you weighed nothing.

„You want me to go harder?“ he asked with a deep voice. He lined himself with your entrance and pushed inside. He went immediately into fast pace, bottoming out every time and fucking you hard. You moaned so loud now, showing him how much you like everything he was doing to you.

„Louder for me, sweetheart, I love the way you cry for me like this,“ he spanked you, but you wanted more. You needed to feel him more. You wanted everything he has.

„H- harder pl- please… Matt… harder,“

He paused again, his hand traveling to your hair, yanking your head back to him. He leaned to you, his lips lightly touching your ear.

„God you’re perfect,“ he approved. His hand squeezed your neck again, but this time, you were having troubles breathing. He started pounding into your pussy again, positioned like this, his dick hit your cervix and it hurt, but you loved the pain. You needed to feel it.

He let you have a small breathing pauses, when his grip slightly eased up, but after a few breaths, he went back to work. He let go of your hair and spanked you again, much harder this time. You were sure it will leave marks, but you didn’t care. You moaned so loud, his neighbours probably weren’t as happy as you were. He spanked you again and then paused. His fingers found your clit, he started massaging your little bundle of nerves and you felt tears coming out of your eyes. It was too much, but it felt so good.

„You like when I‘m fucking you like a slut?“ he mocked. His fingers not stopping. You tried to manage the feeling of having him slotted deep inside you combined with his fingers playing with your clit.

„Yes, Matt, please, fuck me like I‘m your slut, Matt, please…“ you begged again, you wanted to feel his cum spreading inside your pussy, wanted to make him feel good. He chuckled at your answer.

„Are you? Are you my slut?“ he asked, his fingers still toying with you, but his dick was still buried deep inside you, making no moves at all. You squeezed around him so hard, you felt your pussy throb and another set of tears escaped. You were moaning, crying but you never in your whole life felt this good. It was both humiliating and pleasing.

„Yes, Matt, y-yes I’m yo-your slut…“ you felt your orgasm approaching. The way he moved his fingers on your clit felt like heaven.

„Good,“ he approved. He resumed fucking you, but his fingers didn’t stop, as you were expecting. You were feeling him everywhere, he moved his hand to your back, pushing you hardly to his mattress. With one hand on your clit and the other one on your back, he was keeping you from doing anything other than what he wanted you to. You felt a bit light-headed, but his dick in your pussy kept you consious.

„Tell me who this pussy belongs to…“ he said firmly. He was out of his breath too, you felt his cock twitching inside your pussy, you knew his orgasm wasn’t far away either.

„Your’s… nn-nly your’s…“ you whimpered, feeling your orgasm getting impossibly closer with each thrust.

„I’m gonna cum inside you, do you understand?“ his pace was brutal, he was stretching your pussy so wide. You felt as if you two were the only thing that existed in you world right now. Only you and him.

„I.. I can’t -nymore..“ your orgasm stretched across your whole body, you were squeezing his cock, your moans filled the whole room and your whole body screamed with you. Every nerve in you was electrified.

„Oh god, youre squeezing me so hard, love,“ you heard him saying, „…gonna m-make me cum…“ his thrusts became more uneven, but harder, your orgasm still ruining your body. He held you tightly in his hands, keeping you steady, being held by him was one of the best things you ever felt.

,,Good girl, ahhh, yes,,“ you felt his warm spurts of cum covering your insides. Your orgasm slowly leaving your body completely destroyed. Matt was trying to recover too, but he fell onto you, holding you in his big arms, not leaving your spent cunt.

You both lied there for some time, trying to steady your breaths, to actually realize what just happened. He held you close and tight, as if he didn’t want you to leave. You let yourself enjoy this feeling for a moment. After your orgasm and everything drifted away, you felt empty and with each moment, the feeling grew stronger.

You tried to get up, pulling away from him.

You felt deep need to go home, feeling ashamed for what you’ve done. This was all too much. He let go off you, but his face was painted with surprise.

„I am sorry,“ you mumbled and tried to get out of the bed. He held your arm and stopped you.

„What are you doing?“he sounded weird, you didn’t know this tone of his voice and tried to identify it fast, so you could better understand how he feels right know.

„I don’t need to stay,“ you answered quietly.

„But you can,“ he was not letting go off your arm, ,,and maybe we can talk about it,“

You didn’t know what to say. You wanted to stay. But you were afraid to.

„Or we don’t have to. But I want you to stay y/n,“ his voice was filled with something that was so gentle and soft. You looked at his face again, his eyes were unfocused, but looked as if they were trying to find you. He pulled you closer, bringing your faces together, his other hand cupping your cheek tenderly.

„Stay,“ he kissed you again. This time, the kiss was filled with need - not physical, but emotional need. You tangled your hands in his hair to pulled him closer. This kiss was different, but both of you felt the same thing.

He pulled you back into his bed and wrapped you in a blanket. He held you close, caressed you.

You never wanted to leave this bed.

.

.

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#matt murdock fanfic #matt murdock smut #matt murdock x you #matt murdock x reader #matthew murdock x reader #matt murdock praise kink #matt murdock fluff #daredevil fanfiction #daredevil #daredevil one shot #matt murdock fem!reader #matt murdock angst #matt murdock

[guardian5tiger3]

Mental health

+Advice & guidance from spirit

Pick a group tarot reading + channeled messages

*I may upload more groups in a new post later on.

Options

1

2 3

4 5

Group one

You guys seem to be the avoidant types more or less. This could show as you straight up trying to hide from your problems. You guys may have heavy resting periods most likely due to depression. This could make you guys stagnant in life and possibly hold onto things that do not serve you and or make you feel secure but that keeps you in an almost unhealthy comfort zone. This may show up as bad character. For a lot of you it seems that in some way your family has had expectations for you that which you feel you are not able to fulfill. You may feel lesser about yourself because of this and you are lacking individuality, or personal freedom to be yourself in some specific area(s). Im getting it's because you were made to feel like you can't be yourselves in these ways. So real talk. Spirit's advice. If you're already into this term then spirit is saying do shadow work, and what I mean by that is you need to go within yourself and identify problems like these, and you need to want to help yourself get better and do that so you can feel better , because life is not worth sitting around feeling less than. You guys really need to nurture yourselves, step up, take risks, go outside of your comfort zone because even though that seems tough it is well worth it when you come out of it on the other side of doing so. You guys I'm being told you all need to focus on treating yourself the way every good human like yourselves deserves to be treated, dignity, respect, and being told and believing that you do deserve good things and to be yourself. I'm really getting you guys should put more work into self care whatever that means for you. You guys if you aren't confident you need to build yourself up, take risks. Someone specific needs to try dyeing their hair. You need to embrace yourself for who you really are, understand that you're beautiful, and you are a gift to the world. There are other people out there who will appreciate you for exactly who you are. And even if some random asshole judges you, fuck em. Carry that attitude maybe. Peace loved ones. I heard that from California girls 😂so one or some of you like that song?? Okkk 💚 good talk guys.

Group two

* I can sense some of you who are going to pick this it doesn't resonate, so sorry for picking Luna and misleading you, but please read some of this to make sure..

I feel like you guys don't know what it's like to be healed in the way that you should be. Like it doesn't even seem appealing so why even try? You guys. You need to think about this. You feel that way because you do not know what it's like. I feel your pain is deep. Some of you this isn't at base level mental illness this is trauma. Straight up. I feel a lot of you feel unworthy. Some of you don't know peace and you can't find it within yourself. A lot of you might not even notice this about yourselves but you're just holding on. To your sanity , you're holding onto trauma, stress, negative ideas put in your mind, whatever it might be. I'm not gonna lie this is a long healing process and I get that it's a big struggle. Some of you do work and try and it doesn't even feel like it makes that much of a difference. I feel like if that's the case you're not digging deep enough into what's really wrong. A lot of you find it easy to act happy so you don't get the help you need even from a therapist. This is self sabotage in a way. You need to at least let your guard down for yourself. Someone I channeled struggles to relax your muscles when you lay in bed. This is serious. I'm getting some of you feel that if you found true love it would almost cure you and they would take this all away. No. And even if it came in now it would not be true love and you all already know why at least deep down. You need to learn to stand on your own and be truly ok. So you guys even have me concerned. But good news. Spirit came through with some good advice and I even doubted they could do it this well. Well let me tell you all what you can do. You all must tap into the energy of love. You need to feel. I mean truly feel everything that you feel. I can feel you guys have love in your hearts. If you listen to that , every single answer is there. Anything you could possibly need an answer for , it's in your heart. As a healer myself , and I feel some of you are skeptical, but I have healed myself from horrible horrible traumas. At a lot of points this was all I could do and it's the only thing that could have possibly worked. Listen you guys you need to get serious about this. You need to be aware and catch yourself with every negative though, feeling, emotion, and you need to then tap into the energy of love and in your heart you already know what's wrong or right and you need to correct it. You need to nurture yourself. You need to think about what's wrong and you need to tell yourself things like that wasn't right it wasn't here's why , work things out in your head and be honest with yourself. And when it comes to grieving and negative emotions. You can't run away or they will stay unhealed. You need to feel them , be very brave and feel them, that is the truest , rawest for of strength. And trust me . They will eventually go away. I have been through some of the worst things and if you want to know seriously you can ask but there things I'm not going to speak about in caution of people sensitive to the topics but this was the only way to get better for me. Some of you of course can take psychedelics because I feel some few of you thinking about it and I need to tell you if you're doing it to heal you need to make sure that's what you're doing when you're doing that. Like go within. Think and feel ok. Don't just let yourself end up dicking around. Don't worry guys. I see you getting better. Not just at the very way end of healing but every major step I see you all feeling more relieved and more balanced within yourselves. It's going to take time. Please understand it's worth it. Another thing to note is if you're feeling like giving up understand the least you can do is take into account all of the other people that have gone through similar things, and if nothing else motivates you maybe true love can , so think , maybe you can help even one person like yourself and be the hero. Be strong guys. I love y'all. ☮️

Group three

You guys seem overwhelmed maybe overburdened and a lot of you might speak of this like yeah I got this this and that going on and plus mental health issues. So I'm saying you guys also recognize and feel that weighing you down. Ok. Well I got yall. I feel like I need to feel my heart for this reading so you guys I think you need to allow yourself time to feel things. Some of you can meditate but I mostly mean just feel all the feelings and emotions you have and feel your bodies , basically practicing mindfulness about yourselves. I'm getting for a lot of you the more organized you have everything the better you will feel. This could be school or work stuff , or stuff in your home, for someone in picking up on makeup for real. But it will definitely make you feel a lot better I'm really getting that. I'm getting that a lot of you guys aren't balancing out different parts of your lives as well as you should be. Some of you work too much. A lot of you might be like well I can't help that but here's what you can definitely do. You can remind yourself to be more calm and practice self care while you are working. You will then have more fun in your free time and won't feel as exhausted . Okay for some a vacation is needed even if it's down the street to a hotel or literally a day at a beach or lake . Also I'm picking up somebody should go to the theatre and watch a movie. Yep. But overall you guys need to go somewhere that will basically bring you some type of amusement or joy or something. I'm picking up on someone who wears their earbuds or headphones a lot. I love music it's my favorite thing in life but if you guys spent some more time working on your present, real reality Infront of you and shaping it how you want to be. For instance observe and decorate your bedroom , Idk. You will therefore enjoy it more and not feel the need to hide. That doesn't mean stop listening to music worst case scenario buy a speaker but I'm saying this because I'm being told you're using the earbuds as a form of escapism and that's not going to help you longterm.

I also see some of you having to manual do so much in your lives I don't know what I could possibly use as an example for this but it's like you're moving brick after brick and in reality like why the fuck are the bricks there in the first place??!you guys this couldn't be made more clear you guys just have to ask the right people or persons for help. You might need to bring some problems to somebody's attention because they shouldnt even be problems especially if this is a work matter but regardless of where it's happening this is true ok. So anyway for a lot of you some energy is taking form you and you need to learn to cut energies off from taking from you when they shouldn't be. Some of you feel like nobody will care or maybe believe you, and that's so not true but you need to speak really loud and really clearly about what's going on , if that resonates with you. Some of you need lights or more lights for a room. Fairy lights are always good :). This smiley face is horrifyingly funny so Im leaving it. Some of you need to laugh. Come on and break the ego you don't gotta be so serious.for some of you you still don't feel like this is going to solve what's going on, spirit is saying this is a matter of going withing and finding out what you feeling you're missing. This very well could tie into a destiny thing, and I personally don't like to give destiny readings cause... That'll mess it up. So it's up to you guys on this epic quest to find the missing piece of your heart. Ok I'm done. You guys have a purpose in life you maybeee don't expect but you're gonna go for it. Even if it's just a side quest. Alright you guys go enjoy a cup of coffee or tea or something maybe a good book or a movie and I hope this resonates and it helps. xxo💗💗💚

Group four

I'm already getting a lot about inner child. One thing I will say is I'm channeling that your inner demons are like your inner child it is just super out of control but we all started as children so hopefully that makes these things less scary in a way. physiologically yeah there are a lot of ways depending on the issues that you know it requires comparable types of nurturing. You guys definitely want to be free but being in that energy I see something blocking you forward in actually seeing something in an og pokemon game with ash getting blocked .if what I'm picking up on is how some of you guys see the world and your lives that's so badass. Nerds. Lol ok anyway. I'm being told to give you the advice to look at this like a video game. If you're being blocked it's because you're being faced with a challenge and you need to overcome that and you will also probably level up right. You guys are super dreamy like I don't know. You guys must be nerds cause I'm being told to guide you through emotional and mental healing in a rational way. I also see the universe giving you things like level ups or tokens or whatever like in any video game at the appropriate times ,so you must have manifested this because I do this too sometimes when I'm anxious at work I choose to look at it like it's a video game. That's crazy. So the universe operates for you accordingly. This group is teaching me a thing or two bout how things work. Some of you might struggle with anxiety though and you then at those times need to remember to bring it down to earth and breath in really deep a good few times as long as you can breathe in. I really just want to tell you guys people might judge you and make you think negative things about yourself and tell you even maybe that there's something wrong with you but there isn't. There's nothing wrong with you guys. But when it comes to whatever pain your feeling or whatever you're going through you can't hide from it or push it down forever. If you guys want a bright future you need to level up to where you're ready to walk into that. And that might mean facing yourself , which is the toughest battle of all if you ask me. But there will never be a stronger warrior than the one who comes out of that fully intact and better than before. Just remember what you're fighting for whatever that may be, if it's love or justice or peace , or to make evil disappear completely. Whatever it could be.im getting for a lot of you you are on some type of high horse though because of what ever happened in the past probably, but when you're alone you do need be real and honest with yourself and let your guard down. If any of you feel sad a lot it's because you have a big heart. It's a sign of something. You should try to figure out what around you might be making you feel like that that isn't right because it's your heart telling you something isn't as it should be. You guys are strong enough for anything that comes your way . Trust me.

Group five

I feel a lot of love towards you guys a lot for you guys your guides are here and they all wanted me to sit for a minute in peace and silence before doing this reading specifically after doing the other ones.

You guys need to refresh your minds a bit. I'm feeling for some you need to sort of change your trajectory a bit. I'm feeling like your ego selves are assuring you you're in the right direction somehow but there's something you're overlooking that you need to pay attention to.

I'm getting a lot of stress for a lot of you. It kind of feels like some of you guys you keep going and going and you're not moving in the right way or direction or something im getting what you're supposed to be looking at is going to feel a lot easier if you do turn in the direction it's in and go down that path. A lot of you guys for some reason are feeling resistant towards this for some reason it's almost like you're in some level of denial.maybe whatever y'all have been doing seems desirable and you don't want to change and I understand that cause I can feel the energy but in some way it's almost like stepping out of your comfort zone or taking a risk for something better and I understand it's hard to make sacrifices like that but I hope you take this advice to give it a try because just trying this is not going to be as life and death as your brain is making it out to be. You still have problems on the path you've been on and this other direction is offering you solutions. I just have a friend an almost identical reading to this and I bet you're here!! Love you ! I want you guys if this resonates to take comfort in that there's multiple of you going through this and I feel in my heart somehow you are all connected and Im feeling it's a lot of heart connection . I feel though that I'm going to break this into having a second part for a specific group of you so continue to make sure if this resonates or not

I keep hearing you guys are nearing the end of something. It seems that you guys are in some way resisting this ending or at least kind of sabotaging it in some way but you don't realize that this needs to take place in order for your desired future to come in. A lot of you guys I'm seeing should look into how to be more disciplined with your subconscious mind. This has been playing a major role as to why some of you have been in whatever more negative energies or stagnancies you've been in. Some of you need to learn how to not be defensive towards good things that come your way and this ties a lot into psychology I think if any of you feel inclined to look into that maybe. For some reason every ending is a bad one to some of you and blessings are scary. This is all about healing ,my friends. My phone is dying so I'm going to go. I wish you all well

#free tarot readings #pac reading #pick a card reading #pac #pac tarot #pick a card #pick a picture #pick a pile #tarot pac #tarot reading #intuitive messages #tarot free reading #pick an image #pac tarot reading

[meaningofaeons]

I know you must be pretty busy right now considering that you probably have a lot of requests but do you mind writing hanahaki disease au with Gepard and Sampo (separately)? Mb Natasha too if you write for her but that's completely optional! I'm just a sucker for pining 😞 They know reader for a long time but for some reason never made a move (well maybe Sampo did but reader thought he was just being his usual flirty self) but then reader got closer to someone else and they misunderstood and got jealous and the whole hanahaki thing happened

Thank you!

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈ blooming regrets

⊹ character(s) - gepard landau, sampo koski ⊹ word count - 1.6k ⊹ notes - gn!reader, hanahaki disease (character is diseased, not reader)/mentioned gore, angst just angst I'm sorry, a bit open-ended

hi anon! thanks for the req!! unfortunately I do not write for natasha but I'm happy to do the req for sampo and gepard (=^･ω･^=) I debated between ending this with angst or hurt/comfort but since you didn't specify I went for pure (but a Little open-ended?) angst hoohoo.. sorry it's kinda short ;w; ty again!!

⊹ Gepard Landau

His cough really wasn't a big deal.

He assured his fellow Silvermane Guards, his sister, even the newly-appointed Supreme Guardian Bronya Rand near-daily.

It was a cold. Just got something stuck in his throat. Ah, he just had a drink of water, and it went down the wrong pipe.

The Captain of the Silvermane Guards cannot afford to be unwell, not for a second. If he had a fever, he'd push past it. If he got a headache, he'd keep his focus on the job at hand and ignore his pain. No matter what it was, it wouldn't put him down, and this cough, while persistent, was no exception.

The excuses worked at first, but not for long.

And they certainly didn't work on you.

"I might not know the Supreme Guardian, but surely she's going to listen if I beg for you to be given a break. Ever since the Astral Express crew left, the Fragmentum has receded more than before. Surely you can—"

"Y/N, I told you, it's just a minor cold. I'm fine. Just fine."

You raised a brow.

"This cough has only gotten worse since you first had it, Gepard! That's no simple cold. If you really want me to stop bothering you, at least go to the doctor and get yourself checked out."

In an attempt to appease you, the man had agreed, finding himself trudging to the one place he wanted to avoid.

If the doctor diagnosed him, then it became real that he had some sort of illness, and that would only be a hindrance. Not only to his duties, but to you...

Still, if going to be examined would make you happy... he'd do it.

The man would do anything for you.

And it seems that this was the problem all along.

"M-Mr. Landau..." the physician reentered the room after a short moment to look over his tests, anxiously fiddling with the paperwork. Well, that wasn't a good sign.

"It's okay, I can take it," Gepard answered confidently, folding his hands as he stifled another cough. "Any treatment is fine, as long as I can get back to work as soon as possible."

The physician's face crumbled, and the Captain felt his pulse run cold.

Was it... worse than he thought?

"I'm... I'm terribly sorry, sir. I'm afraid this is not something you may want treated."

What does that even mean?

"Of course I do! Just..." Gepard calmed himself, slumping onto the examination bed again. "Just let me know what it is."

"Sir... you have contracted an incredibly rare disease. With the onset of the Eternal Freeze and the extinction of many botanical-related illnesses and plants, many medical experts considered it impossible for this disease to return, and many wrote it off as gone for good. But..."

He turned a paper containing an x-ray of the Captain's chest.

A small root dug its way up inside his lung, and the blonde froze.

"It's called Hanahaki... and it originates from love. Unrequited love. And the only cure, I fear, is... to have your love for the one that afflicted this removed for good."

—

Against all odds, Gepard had taken the time off that he desperately needed.

Though Supreme Guardian Bronya was shocked at first by his submission to the advice of everyone around him, she could not bring herself to question the man when he coughed again—seeing that crimson red sprout up that he desperately tried to hide.

Knowledge that hanahaki was still in existence would bring panic to the masses. Gepard knew this. He kept himself hidden, out of sight. Not even to see you did he leave his home.

After all, even that simple action alone would hasten his disease.

He still had a duty. He told himself that over and over, slamming it into his mind. The surgery to remove the roots was all but essential.

Gazing out of the Landau home's window, seeing you walking down the street with a smile on his face... his heart panged, though.

He couldn't do it.

Loving you was painful, but the thought of losing that emotion towards you wrought even further pain upon him.

It was then that he saw a stranger at your side. Well, not quite—he'd seen them around with you before, talking to you, laughing with you, taking your hand as they led you around town.

Just as they did in that moment.

An uncomfortable feeling rose in Gepard's throat, and he began hacking into his hand once again, collapsing as he clutched the windowsill for stability.

A small, blood-soaked periwinkle fell right into his waiting hand.

Yet somehow, it felt as though his chest hurt for reasons far deeper than the flowers taking hold of his lungs with each passing moment.

⊹ Sampo Koski

Sampo wasn't one to instill concern in anyone.

Even for those who genuinely cared for him, though they were few and far between, it was always the same thought.

"It's Sampo. What could possibly happen to him?"

Of course, there's always the joking thought that one day, all his disgruntled customers and scammed victims will come back to wreak vengeance. But really, this happened every other week.

And Sampo was always fine.

So, when he sat in front of a very distraught Natasha, something felt terribly, horribly wrong.

"H-Heyyy, Nat! Come on, now, you can tell Sampo all the details of this little cough!" he chuckled, though it was punctuated by said hacking. "It can't be too bad, eh?"

Usually, his joking would elicit even just a small chuckle from the woman. But she nearly trembled when picking up her notes, rereading them over and over as though to confirm the information she already knew.

"Sampo..." she murmured. "Is there... someone you love?"

Though he could crack another jest, ask if Miss Natasha of all people was coming onto him, he saw the look in her eye, and swallowed another choke.

"Erm..."

Of course, in spite of his hesitation in speech, his mind had none at all.

Your face came to mind at once, bright, smiling, overjoyed. The way your brow would pull when he got into a scuffle and came to you all banged up, or the way you'd laugh at his latest scheme to trick some no-good vagrants into a 'package deal' scam.

Your energy, your voice, your touch. Everything flooded into his senses, and he smiled despite himself, despite the situation.

"Well..."

"If you're thinking of lying, save it," Natasha managed a strained laugh. "I think we both know from that silly grin that you have someone in mind. And I know... I think I know exactly who it is."

"But what've they got to do with my 'lil cold? Don't tell me... My only cure is to have my beloved Y/N nurse me back to health?!" Sampo clasped his hands together, making goo-goo eyes at Natasha.

He had assumed the mood to be lightened, but her eyes only darkened again.

"Sampo... this disease... it's—"

Her prognosis was punctuated by another cough from the conman—this time wet, uncomfortable, as blood trickled down the corner of his mouth. He was about to continue her sentence for her to throw in a joke, to reassure him that he was used to such minor amounts of blood, when something rose up his throat and into his mouth, cutting off his words.

Loosening his jaw, a purple and pink hyacinth landed right in his palm. Natasha was so pale, she might as well have been a ghost.

"What's..."

For once in his life, even the Sampo Koski was stumped.

"Hanahaki..." Natasha whispered, covering her mouth.

"What?!" Sampo's head snapped up, flicking between the doctor and the flower. "That's... That's a myth that kids get told so they confess their feelings quicker, so they don't chicken out. C-Come on, Miss Nat, that's not—"

She shook her head, and Sampo paused, staring at the flower.

"I've gotta clear my head."

"Sampo!"

The conman was to his feet in an instant, speed-walking out of the clinic faster than he ever thought his legs could take him. He didn't really know where he needed to go, but he knew he had to see you.

Seeing your face would put that warm, fuzzy, butterfly-like feeling right back in his chest. It would replace all this pain crawling into his lungs, his throat, not worsen it.

But when he saw you approach with your friend in tow, it felt like his chest had been stabbed straight through.

"Sampo! I heard you saw Nat today. You okay?"

"Y-Yeah!" Sampo was quick on the uptake, hiding the flower and swiping a hand over his mouth swiftly in case of any leftover blood. "You know me, just'a coupl'a bangs and scrapes from the latest 'customer'. You know how it is for ol' Sampo!"

You chuckled lightly.

"Well, that's good. Just don't go scamming any good people now, huh?" Your friend tugged your arm, giving Sampo an apologetic smile—something that dug up an even more foreign emotion within him. "Ah, right. I'm sorry, Sampo, we have plans today. But let's spend some time at the Great Mine some other time, huh?"

"No problemo! Sampo never skimps out on plans, and he never leaves a friend hanging! I'll see you then, Y/N."

You left with one last laugh and a smile.

Sampo's own smile slowly fell the moment you vanished from view... and he stared at the pink-and-purple hyacinth in his hand.

He recalled what they meant when Natasha had told him once, explaining all the intricacies of flower language if he were to ever give a 'special someone' a bouquet one day...

Joy, fresh starts, new love... But the purple?

That could only mean regret.

The conman threw the flower to the ground and stalked away, but not before trampling the bud.

As if he could ever regret something like loving you.

#sampo x reader #sampo koski x reader #sampo #sampo koski #gepard #gepard landau #gepard x reader #gepard landau x reader #hsr #hsr x reader #honkai #honkai x reader #honkai star rail #honkai star rail x reader

[fatuismooches]

I've been thinking about fragile reader recently and had an idea

Imagine - Dottore succeeded in curing them. For some time,maybe even a few years everything seems fine. That is, until you bith realize Reader is starting to lose their mind. They become more forgetful and hostile. Dottore may think it's because the cure stoped working and it's true to some extent. Your cure came in with a price - eventually,your body will mutate and you will lose your mind (think of Mara from HSR)

Once again Doctor has to search for cure, failing and failing all over again. He sees your slowly withering form and works 10x times harder than before, almost taking no breaks, but to no avail

Eventually, you're uncontrollable. Reader is no longer themself and will never be. As such, Dottore is forced to kill them. He spent so much time trying to save Reader, only for fate to make him kill his beloved

-🥀

When you were cured, Dottore felt relief. He could count the number of years, hours, days, and minutes he spent trying to cure you, and now, that had finally come to a close. No longer would you suffer. Even so, there was still a lurking worry of you falling ill again, so he kept a careful eye on your condition.

He was right. Although you weren't exactly sick. In fact, this was probably far worse. You were slowly losing yourself, both mind and body, and forgetting who you or he was, as an after-effect of the cure. Snapping and lashing out. This was his fault, Dottore thinks. He should have tested it more before he gave it to you. But no worry. He's saved you once. He can do it again, he thinks as he gets to work. Your suffering will not be long, he promises.

The Doctor is wrong. He cannot find any cure. The medicine doesn't work on you anymore, who has long lost your sanity and soundness of mind. For once in his life, he could not have foreseen this possibility. He could not have foreseen having to kill his beloved.

Dottore grants you a swift and painless death so you won't suffer, something he's never done before. When your eyes turn dull and you begin to fall, he catches you and your head rests against his chest. He hopes for you to regain just an ounce of clarity in your last moments, so he can see the real you, one last time. He just wants to hear his real name fall from your lips one last time. But you don't. This isn't a novel. This is reality, and reality is never kind to him. And so you lay limp in his arms, your blood coating his hands and seeping into his clothes. Dottore doesn't move from that spot for a while, contemplating the punishment he's endured for hundreds of years, and the punishment he'll now have to endure in the future.

Dottore keeps your body in a large capsule and finds himself gazing at it often. He can't stand the thought of you decomposing and rotting so still he takes care of you even after death. Yes, he truly deserves the title of mad doctor. First talking to your sleeping body, now to your corpse. The difference though, he knows for a fact you can't hear him anymore. He doesn't think he'll move on after centuries of being with you, no, not when he knows for sure now that you'll never open your eyes and smile again.

#smooches talks #🥀 anon #fragile reader <3 #dottore love notes <3 #THIS BROKE ME. #🥀 anon... what possessed you to make this IT HURTS SO GOOD THOUGH #its ok guys he resurrects you ❤️❤️❤️ #dont let kai see this 😧

[call-me-copycat]

Hi! if requests are still open can you do parental Aizawa with prompt 15 of the soft family section?

Hello! Yes, requests are still very much open, I've just been very busy and haven't had much time to write during the day. So I'm very sorry for the wait, I hope you enjoy despite the time it took ( ˶ˊᵕˋ)

Sounds of Sorrow

Welcome! - Request rules (if you'd like me to write for you) + A little info about me (⁠^⁠^⁠)

▶ Characters: GN (gender neutral) Reader and Father! Aizawa (platonic)

▶ Genre: Comfort

▶ Summary: Time has never been on your side. You've always been counting down the minutes until your father might up and leave you, but Aizawa thinks otherwise. He just needs you to understand.

▶ Word Count: ~ 4229

▶ Warnings:

- Talk about quirk orphanages (something I made up)

- Mentions of abuse, kidnapping, trauma (and it's related PTSD), death, mental illness, and so on

- Reader has a mental breakdown

➤ Request:

"I'm not going to leave you. You're never going to have to suffer by yourself again, I promise."

"I'm not going to leave you. You're never going to have to suffer by yourself again, I promise."

How long had it been?

Time was always promised to heal your wounds unconditionally, always promised that you'll indefinitely feel better as time grew. This promise felt as though it was under the same umbrella of that of a snake oil salesman trying to sell his "cure-all" while being blanketed by the shade of a grim alleyway.

But, nevertheless, you sat and waited. You endured every nightmare, every flashback, every flinch and twitch and imaginary breath down your neck, fully believing not enough time had passed and so that was why you were still the way you were.

But, now how long had it been?

So much time had passed that the people who always spoke those promises to you had backed down upon seeing your tormented state, writhing in the agony of your own subconscious. And it upset you.

You were constantly in pain, but at least you had something to look forward to. The future where you could possibly be normal and happy burned atop your mind, fueling your legs to move everyday and keeping your heart pumping and lungs breathing. The pain was endured even though it was horrible misery, but to you, if it meant it would be gone one day then you'd suffer the torment.

So that's why when you realized that it was never going away and that those people were just saying things, life suddenly lost all its color and the bubbling memories raged as they burned and broiled all the way to the top of your mind, filling your world entirely with the past. You weren't a fighter, you were meek and cowardly, and so the dark emotions and thoughts would always go out of control, no restrictions or opposing forces to hold them back.

Currently lying on the couch of the living room, it was all you could do as your energy was now unpredictable, leaving you either shaking in paranoia of the shadow you saw earlier, or draining you and leaving you to succumb to the devoid atmosphere created by your mind.

Currently in the latter, you had moved yourself to the couch since you remembered it always made your father upset to see you lying in bed all the time. Not angry upset, but rather sad upset. You could always see some dark emotion swirling behind those somber dark pupils of his, but he would never clue you in on to how he was feeling, always focusing solely on you instead.

It felt a tad embarrassing, to be so dependent on someone to help you get through life because you can't do it on your own. Although it made you feel guilty for being so dependent on him to take care of you when your depression reared its ugly head, you found that you couldn't do anything about it whether you wanted to or not. Too drained to move, if you lived alone then you knew you'd probably have already died by lack of personal care.

You didn't know why, but you felt as though you were burdening this man that had so kindly taken you in. He took you in when you were at your worst and absolutely needed it, and how did you repay him? By having him work extra hard to care about your health and safety, by constantly worrying and saddening him with your depression, by taking up so much time in his busy life that he gets little to no sleep, and so on and so forth.

So, maybe you did know why after all.

It still hurt.

Thoughts started flowing in your mind, the steady stream picking up pace and beginning to form what looked to be a violent torrent. Crashing waves paired with the violent drag of the water threatened to pull you in and fully submerge you in the river of dark thoughts.

'Maybe you were better off gone, no need to further be a burden'

'A kind soul takes you in and you simply serve to batter and bruise it with you presence '

'What good do you even give?'

'He'll lose interest soon, nobody will stay somewhere giving all they have only to gain nothing but loss of materials and time '

'One day, he might just abandon you on the side of the road, all because you can't help but take up everything he's got'

Shaking, you clutched your head and burrowed your face into the soft back of the couch, warm fresh tears beginning to make their way down your face as the thoughts pummeled you with their cruel words. What hurt was most of them made sense to think about, and it only served to fill your guilt more than ever.

And you stayed like that for who knows how long. Laying limp and letting the thoughts hurl their callous statements at you. It hurt, but you couldn't do much about it, too drained to even get up from where you were laying. All you could manage was being able to pull the blanket you had wrapped around you earlier up your torso a little further, making it engulf you a little more.

The tears never stopped, and you understood that once again time wasn't on your side as it never helped with anything when needed. Little sobs grew to light wails, tears furiously pouring down your face and body racked with shaking and shivering, a hiccup or two cutting off the sound for a split second every now and then.

All of a sudden, light footsteps were heard dashing rapidly in your direction, but your paranoia was muffled by the sorrow that poured from your soul.

Before you knew it, two large warm hands were gently prying the blanket from your death grip, and then softly coddling your head as they turned you around to look at whoever was behind you.

You met eyes with your adoptive father, and once again, as you saw the worried look across his face all the horrible thoughts began to make sense, causing you to cry even harder and Aizawa to engulf you in his arms as he tried to gently move around you to sit with you on the couch.

His hair was still damp from the shower he just took, and it looked like he didn't finish completely drying himself before dashing out of his bathroom upon hearing your heart wrenching wails coming from the living room.

It was a fatherly instinct, to drop everything regardless of its value or importance and immediately aim to soothe the pain of his little one (despite how old you are, you'll always be his little one to him).

Because to him, it was as if he could feel your pain right alongside you. He may have not known what was the cause of your tears, but it still pained him to see them running down your face and be the cause of an unknown ache- whether that ache came from the body or the mind, it didn't matter as he just wanted to do anything he could to soothe you from it.

And so that's why he found himself in his current position; cradling you in his arms in the spot you were previously laying, holding you and trying to soothe whatever was troubling you.

The blanket was still wrapped around you, but even though it was a bit awkward to work around that still didn't deter Aizawa. He ran his hands along your back, hushing and cooing at you to help your tears come to a slow.

Pushing back the unruly hair that made its way in front of your darling face, he gave you a soft kiss on the forehead as you were starting to come to, the tears slowing and your crying turning from wails to little sniffles and hiccups that still jabbed him in the heart regardless of the intensity.

Once he thought you were back enough, he decided that now was the time to question what might have been the cause of your tears. He wasn't looking for an answer if you didn't want to give one, all he wanted was to know what to do to get rid of the pain that hurt you so.

He held you closely, your head laying against his chest as the warmth and the sound of his heartbeat soothed you in a way. Your face was still wet with the trails of tears and it was accompanied with puffy, red splotchy eyes and unruly hair that seemed to have a strand flying in every direction known to man.

Yet, as Aizawa looked at you, none of that even mattered to him, because through it all he saw his beloved little baby. The little imperfections you struggled to deal with were his favorite aspects of you, because it helped to serve him an image that was made entirely of you, real and existing without a template. And when you were gone, those memories helped him find little bits of you in things that he previously wouldn't have payed any attention to.

Like, for example, how you hated the way your hair looked at times. And once when Aizawa had to leave for the store once not too long ago, he noticed a little character on a ramen box that had a similar hairstyle in the exact way you didn't like yours (he ended up getting it because it got a chuckle out of him). Or how while he was walking to work once, he noticed a man walking in the streets with nearly the exact same limp as you did when you were too tired.

The little things that you didn't like were in the end what made you... You. And Aizawa loved you unconditionally, little imperfections and all. Theoretically, you could run out of your room one day and state that you believed aliens were real and they were coming to harvest people's kidneys, and he'd still love you the same regardless.

So that's why he strived to end the pain that constantly tormented you, wanting nothing more than to choke out the flame of dark thoughts that only existed to feast on your suffering.

Once, at a time in Aizawa's life when he was still struggling to find himself and his place in the world, he ran into a little child all by themselves on the street. No one seemed to even spare a glance at this child, the crowd simply walking around them with cruel apathy and empty hearts. The kid was so little, so fragile looking that Aizawa was worried that even a single gust of wind would be able to knock them down.

He didn't know why a child would be by themselves all alone in the city at night, nor did he know why nobody was even bothering to ask them if they needed help. But nevertheless, he still did what he thought was best. He went up to them and asked them about their parents, their life, if they needed help, and so on.

Imagine a young Aizawa's horror when he realized that this child was a survivor of a quirk orphanage.

When quirks made their way into society, many sick bastards were able to find ways to profit off of them, and human trafficking and organ harvester crimes rocketed up the charts as heroes and police officers tried to find any way to put an end to the explosion of what was deemed a new marketing potential.

And one of these 'investments' were quirk orphanages. A cruel place of business where children without any parents to care for them and also had a potentially powerful quirk were normally the biggest targets of these corperations. Sometimes the child's parents were set up to be murdered just for this sake of 'business'.

They would steal the child's quirk, or if it was irremovable, then they would be forced to work until they couldn't any longer. And then the child would be disposed of, and another would be brought in.

It was a cruel cycle that had unfortunately gained an alarmingly large reputation among the groups of villains that corrupted the town, and it seemed as if everytime one was closed and shut down then two more popped up. It was easy money, especially for those heartless villains that didn't seem to have any other care in the world other than how much their wallet weighed.

You were so young that you didn't even remember what your quirk was, having it taken from you only a week after it developed. Somehow you were able to escape after a riot formed between the villains and the older kids who still had their quirks. And so, instead of fighting, you did what was the only thing on your mind: you ran.

The streets seemed so bright, and the taste of freedom was like honey upon your tongue when you first breached the orphanage's gates alongside some other kids. But the outside world was nothing but even more cruelty waiting for fresh new faces to consume. Half the group spilt off as food was scarce, and the police couldn't help much with too many cases such as yours piling onto them.

You never saw that group again as they got onto a different bus in hopes of finding someone out there to help, and eventually the kids left in your group started to disappear one after another, all having previously promised to take care of you since you were the youngest. Too bad they broke that promise, but you couldn't blame them. Food and clothes were hard to find, and any mouth other than the one on your face wasn't guaranteed anything to eat.

And that's how Aizawa found you, at the ripe age of 19 during one of his first patrols on his own. Seeing a sniveling, grimy, bruised child all by themselves huddled in a box in a dark alleyway certainly wasn't something that he was prepared to run into. But still, he took you to the police station in the end.

It was originally his plan to drop you off and hope that the police would sort things out, but when the officers were discussing on what to do with you he felt you cling to the pants of his hero outfit, and upon looking down he met eyes with your teary expression, face dirty and red while swollen tears ran down your little cheeks.

And something changed in him that day. Before he knew what he was doing, suddenly he was trying to convince the older officers that he, a young inexperienced boy who had no idea who this child was, was suitable for taking you in. And surprisingly, they allowed it right away.

So that's why looking at your teary face on moments like these gives Aizawa a special type of sting, it hits him low and hard because no matter how much time passes he'll always remember that sudden change in his demeanor. And he'll always remember the small, scared child that clung to him so desperately out of fear of what might happen to them.

Sighing somberly to himself at the memory, Aizawa noticed that your crying had finally come to a stop, and instead you were clinging onto his shirt while shaking slightly. Rubbing your back in an attempt to soothe you, he leaned back and tenderly used the pad of his thumb to wipe away the wet trails that still stuck to your cheeks.

"You feeling better?" He asked, taking caution to keep his tone soft while you were still in a vulnerable state.

Upon feeling a slight nod of your head Aizawa relaxed some of the tension that ran through his body, allowing himself to lean back into the couch while still holding you in his arms. He fondly ran one hand through the locks of your hair while the other was constantly kept wrapped around you.

Letting out a heavy sigh, the tired pro began to think about how he could ask you what was wrong without it feeling too forced or too sudden, but you ended up beating him to it.

"I'm sorry.."

Upon hearing your apology, Aizawa shook his head. "No, there's nothing to be sorry for", shaking his head once again, "nothing at all".

You soon began to shake, and Aizawa prepared for another bought of tears, fearing he might accidentally fall with you as he can't stand the sight of your pain.

"No!" The sudden outburst caught the both of you off guard, and in your panic you tried pulling away from the man, but unsuccessfully as Aizawa gently held you in place.

"No?.."

The split second of silence was deafening, but it was quickly filled regardless.

"I just- ... I just... " You didn't know how to properly phrase the thoughts in your head, and it ended with you shoving your face back into Aizawa's chest, his arms immediately wrapping back around you as he sensed you were becoming overwhelmed.

"J-just- Just.. don't wanna-.. see you g-gone.. or be a bu-burden..". Your voice came out muffled due to the fact that you were refusing to face the world and instead opted to hide away in the arms of your father, but he still understood you anyways.

Aizawa's expression softened as he breathed out in saddened exasperation. Now he was finally starting to piece things together; you thought you were taking up too much time or space in his life. But that couldn't have been any further from the truth.

"..."

Upon receiving nothing from the man but silence, you started to quiver in his arms, fearing for the worst as the cruel thoughts began mocking and berating you just as they had done moments earlier.

"I don't ever want to hear you say you're a burden again."

He started it slow, as if he was still testing the way the words came out, ending it with a complete flip in attitude when he confidently stated it, as though he was cemented down in his decision and was thoroughly ready to shoot down any opposing views.

"But-"

"No." Such a simple word, yet it still held behind it such a heavy force that beared the weight of the words that he planned to speak, the wave of emotions and hidden thoughts behind it almost too much for such a lonely word to bear.

Aizawa clenched his jaw, a pained expression gnawing at his features. Despite his face holding such as exasperated and angered expression, the profound sadness in his eyes gave away the true merit of his mind.

"You've been with me how long? I'd say about 10 years, correct?"

Confused on how to behave in compliance to his odd reaction, you numbly nodded your head, wondering where he was planning to go.

"10 years...", He leaned back, reveling in the pleasant memories that came to his mind when he thought about all the things he got to do with you.

"That's a decade of me getting to watch you grow up. A decade where I got to help you learn how to get through with life, a decade where I got the honor of being your father ..." He paused, seemingly getting lost in thought as he looked idly behind you, before turning to look back at you having once again hidden your face in his arms.

His expression softened further as a gentle rush of fond memories began to make their way through his mind.

Lazy mornings going shopping in your guys' pajamas, holding you up so you can put the star on the Christmas tree, watching you run around in your new kimono on child's day, taking you all the way to Tokyo since you loved it so much and it seemed to bring the biggest smile he's ever seen reach across your little face... And so many others.

Burden... Oh how he loathed the word. It exacted from him a dormant rage that he had never been aware of boiling and seething inside of him. But oh, how he wanted to erase the word and it's meaning clean from your mind. And fill the empty spot with even more cherished memories instead.

He continued looking down at you with a tender expression, one of longing and fatherly affection. Softly nuzzling the top of your head with his free hand, he gently pried your face from his arms so that he had you facing him.

"Tell me, during those 10 years, did you ever regret getting taken in by me? Did you ever wish you were taken in by another family? "

Startled by his questions, you thought that you had given him the wrong idea, that instead of you thinking of yourself as a burden he thought he was the problem. Truth be told, Aizawa knew what he was doing. He's a smart man, so of course he's going to try to find a solid way to get you to understand his point of view and what he wants you to know.

"Ehh?! No! No, it's not that! I just- I just-"

You started getting teary eyed again and Aizawa cut you off before you ran yourself dry with a kiss to the side of your head.

Pulling back, he continued.

"So you don't regret how your life turned out?" He said, trying to get you to look him in the eye, but failing due to your uncooperative demeanor, "You see, I feel the exact same way. Just asking you those questions hurt. Do you know why I asked them in the first place?"

Dumbfounded once again, you dumbly shook your head in response to the odd questions he was asking you. You wanted to know where he was going with this, as everytime something like this happened, he'd always have a new answer, one that was always somehow deeper and more profound than the last.

Aizawa wasn't finished, and this time he wanted to get his answer to hit somewhere deep and prominent, to have it so that not a single piece of guilt could shred your determination, nor a single dark thought to tear away at your resolve. He just wanted to help you be happy without fear or guilt, for you to be truly relaxed without paranoia breathing upon you, and for you to simply enjoy what life held without feeling weighed down by all the past packages that consumed your mind everyday.

"Because- and I want you to hear me loud and clear- I'm not going to leave you. You're never going to have to suffer by yourself again, I promise."

And with his words stated quite clearly, he waited for your response. Although he knew what he thought and how he felt, Aizawa clearly understood that you didn't, and that was the main root of all your worry and fears of abandonment.

Silence filled the room, the tension weighing down the previous sounds and words said. Smaller sounds were able to be heard from around the house, but Aizawa was completely focused on you. He was mentally preparing himself for any opposing remarks, questions, or debates, knowing all too well that you were like an object being used by your terrible thoughts and paranoia. Oh, how Aizawa had developed a deep hatred for something that didn't even physically exist.

Nothing was said as you sat there in your father's arms, trying your best to make what your could of the situation. It was an all out clash of thoughts as you began to absorb more and more of his words. The dark thoughts, crying out their terrible song and attempting to drag you down with their sharpened claws, versus the firmly planted words of your father (that you knew right away the man wasn't going to debate).

Nothing was said, but it wasn't needed as your actions spoke soundless words and cried in silent pain.

Aizawa was watching you carefully, you knew that the whole time as it was a habit of his, never daring to take his eyes off of you (the tired pro had his own fears and paranoias to battle himself).

Silently, tenderly, you seemed to make a decision as Aizawa watched you slowly look up at him, shyly making eye contact for the first time in ages. And with that, the tense barrier was broken as you lunged forward, hugging him as tightly as your arms could hold. In a matter of milliseconds, Aizawa's arms met yours immediately, wrapping you up in a just at tight hug (though, he had to be careful in order to not cause you any harm with his strength).

Breathing out a sigh of relief, Aizawa knew that though this conversation wasn't the last of many, but he was glad that you both had stepped forward together.

And that's how your night went, both of you content in each other's arms as your paranoia was snuffed out by the brighter and hotter flame that was of your father's devotion to loving and caring for you.

Just this once, your sounds of sorrow weren't given the right of way, and for that you knew you owed your father a "thank you".

A/N:

Once again, I'm very sorry for the delay! I promise I'm working on the asks that were sent to me, I try to write when I can, even if that means at least a sentence or two a day if that's all I can do.

If anyone is interested in this becoming a whole story, I can gladly write out the reader's and Aizawa's background! ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧

Thank you all for reading, feel free to request at anytime, and I hope you all have a wonderful day! ‪ ୧꒰*´꒳`*꒱૭✧

年2023/月02/日19

#Copycat Writes #boku no hero academia #bnha aizawa #my hero academia #aizawa shōta #dadzawa #aizawa x daughter reader #my hero academia fanfic #bnha #mha #Eraserhead #my hero academia fluff #aizawa comfort #mha fluff #boku no hero #boku no hero fanfic

[saey707]

hey i saw your post abt viego!! if you're willing could you do smth about him helping a (female) reader with low self esteem?? ty ♥️♥️

✿ Prompt: Viego adores you ✿

♡ champion focus: viego ♡ tw: none! ♡ Female reader

Author's Note: Hello, anon! I love your request and was super eager to execute it as soon as possible ໒꒰ྀི´ ˘ ` ꒱ྀིა Keep in mind, I tried to execute King Viego in this headcanon, but you can envision him as post Ruination if you please! Hope you enjoy! ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و ♡

Your doting husband Viego worships the very grounds you walk upon. There isn't a single imperfection he can see in you, though, he can see very well that you don't feel the same way about yourself as he does you.

You saw the way people looked at you among the castle, the streets, and all the royal banquets and ceremonies. You heard of how people spoke of you, often with negative connotations and spite, because Camavor was not your home of origin.

It seemed like everyone believed you were out for nothing but power and a place on the throne of a domineering nation, beside an even more powerful conquistador, with the body of an Adonis and the hair of a fairytale Prince.

But Viego never once thought poorly of you.

He adored the curve of your lips, the softness of your smiles, and the selfless heart that allowed you to see the good in others... Even a man as arrogant and entitled as Viego.

Viego had hoped the little things like gifting you new dresses made of Ionian silk, jeweled necklaces, and gold bengals would be enough to allow you to see how beautiful you looked to him. However, materialistic things were never enough.

But your husband's innermost thoughts and the deep feelings he possessed about you definitely made the most significant impact.

From the day Viego discovered how poignant his words were to you, he made sure daily affirmations about everything he loved about you became a regular reminder. Never once would Viego allow you to think negatively about yourself, so long as he could prevent it!

He would serenade you with songs he wrote and distract your mind with one-on-one dances across hallways.

He would remind you of all your talents and why he fell in love with you in the first place over anyone he could have possibly had as a wife in Camavor... Well- Viego never said that last part, but still! While you stuck out like a sore thumb among the Camavoran people, that was only one more thing to add to the endless list of reasons why he fell in love with you!

Even though it was nothing new for Viego to show you physical affection, he still always did and would do more!

Viego removed his gloves whenever he dared to place a hand upon your soft skin, and he was always gentle as he caressed your face. He would begin by brushing his thumbs against your cheeks, dragging his fingers across the frame of your jawline. Then, his thumbs would graze over your painted lips, the hopeless romantic leaning in ever so slowly to capture your lips with his own in a passionate kiss.

He would listen to your woes and everything that made you feel lowly about yourself. And he would counterargue your insecurities, conquering them head-on and trying his best to allow you to see the good in yourself, as you so did with your others.

And if that doesn't work, he'll begin to open up about his own insecurities... As much as he hates to discuss his own fears and woes about himself, he knows you would never think ill of him. So why should you think ill of yourself?

The Camavoran King knows insecurities and low self-esteem are things that can't be cured overnight. But he hopes each and every day you know and are reminded just how much he loves you.

#saeybaewrites #request #headcanons #viego #x reader #king viego #viego lol #the ruined king #lol #viego league of legends #viego x reader #lol x reader #viego lol x reader #league of legends x reader #viego the ruined king #viego santiarul molach vol kalah heigaari x reader #viego santiarul molach vol kalah heigaari

[crookedkryptonitebeliever]

this might be a touchy subject and you don’t have to answer but, as one myself, how would Yves act with a chronically ill/physically disabled person? or even someone who constantly deals with chronic pain that is debilitating for everyday life? btw i love your writing, no matter how cursed. 🤍

Yves feels his heart wrench whenever he sees you break down in tears, frustrated at yourself for not doing as well as other able-bodied people, frustrated that you have to surrender your autonomy at times to Yves. He truly does, he hates to see you in such a state. While he doesn't mind, even prefers you to be dependent on him due to his strong caregiver personality, Yves doesn't want it to be at the cost of your happiness.

He will read up on all the papers published about your illness or disability. Past and modern ones, there must be a pattern or some sort that he could identify. Yves will try his best to find a cure or at least something that will improve your symptoms greatly.

But the first thing he will get done is to talk to you. Discuss what you ultimately want; is it freedom you seek? His undying support? The unyielding truth that Yves will stay by your side no matter how bad it gets? Do you want to keep fighting for yourself, or do you want Yves to do it for you?

You will have the latest, cutting-edge prosthetics if you're struggling with an amputated limb or body part. All the helpful, relevant, accessible gadgets will be installed in the house in hopes of making your life much easier and giving back the level of independence you need to maintain your mental health. Yves will remember all your appointments for you, that fills his planners up. Your dosages, your medication, and the procedures of your treatments.

He will remind you, pre-pack your pills, and help you with your IV drip. Yves is very careful with his tone and words, he knows the stress, humiliation, and pain that come with living as a chronically ill person can easily set you off. Everything can be overwhelming, he does not want to see tears of anger or hopelessness in your eyes. It's not your fault, you never wanted this and it just happened to affect you.

Yves spends nights perusing through all experimental treatments, weighing between the risks and benefits. He will present his carefully curated selection to you, but he makes sure to pace it out appropriately. Because if he were to show you thousands of pages of medical reports, chances are you're going to be upset, overstimulated, and angry at him. You have very limited energy and focus, he needs to get his words as concise and accurate as possible.

Watching him kneel with you on the bathroom floor, as you experience your seventh vomiting tonight, truly shocked you. Understandably, you're in such a terrible state, that you've barely gotten any sleep for the past month. But Yves sleeps even less, he is always awake, always looking after you. Ready for any emergencies and constantly preparing items or foods that will ease you. Yet, he looks glowing, as if he wasn't caretaking a bleeding ball of misery. His hair is always silky and brushed, no bags under his eyes, and his movement is still crisp. And he always knows what to do, much better than you or your practitioners.

He knows your body well enough to administer his own dose of painkillers, going against doctors' orders and obtaining drugs that fully alleviate your pain. Strategically timing your doses so it won't be too hard on your liver. Taking your blood samples himself and ran them through his own trusted pathology lab, potentially proving that your doctor might have misdiagnosed you. Maybe you wouldn't need to suffer, Yves could find a cure.

You were very apprehensive at first when Yves suggested that he does his own testing. He has no credentials, why should you trust him? The doctors have much more experience than him and they went to school for this. You're not trusting a random to cut you open either, he's a mathematician, not a medical doctor or a surgeon-

You were dumbfounded when he produced his own certifications and licenses. Proving that he worked in hospitals, researched institutes, and even published his own medical papers that universities used as teaching material for decades. Everything he presented is legitimate, he even demonstrated the validity of them by your request. You could call his universities and they will all confirm his contributions, You can confirm with the government and the relevant boards, you can search for him anywhere, and early pictures of him will resurface.

He looked so different. Yves looked unremarkable in them with short hair. He looks unhappier and more exhausted, though. Makes you wonder how old he really is.

But that was all. You cannot find further information on Yves other than the ones he allows you to know about.

So you reluctantly let him stick a needle in you, only to realize that he's done. You blinked multiple times and darted your eyes from your arm and his gloved hands holding vials of blood. Unlike the usual nurses or doctors, you can't feel the needle going in or out. Yes, you saw it, but it was unbelievably fast.

Your jaw dropped as he didn't even need to palpate your arm. Yves just calmly inserted the syringe, gathered what he needed, and finished. You didn't experience any bruising later, which was astonishing with the speed he was working with.

He labeled them and packed them in a plastic bag with a biohazard symbol on it and into a padded envelope. Yves disposed of his gloves and washed his hands.

You expected him to enlighten you. Tell you stories while he was in the field, brag about his accomplishments, complain about difficult patients, anything! You needed to know more! Just who the hell is he?

But all he did was smile, give you a kiss on the forehead, and help you back to your room.

#yandere #yandere x reader #yandere oc #yandere male #yandere concept #yandere x you #tw yandere #yandere oc x reader #male yandere oc x reader #oc yves

[eulogyfornobody]

Acceptance when you have Chronic Pain

I saw this video on Youtube of a psychologist (Dr. Diane LaChapelle) talking about acceptance when you have chronic pain. Here is a summary of it.

2 components of acceptance

Pain willingness -> involves recognizing that the pain or condition is chronic and that efforts to control or avoid it may not be effective.

Activity engagement -> encourages individuals to continue living their lives despite the challenges posed by their conditions.

Why it's so hard for people to accept

The term "acceptance" itself can be met with resistance. Patients expressed feeling defeated and hopeless when told to accept their conditions, interpreting it as giving up on the possibility of improvement.

Nuance of Acceptance

Acceptance is not a one-time thing - it's a nuanced, ongoing process that involves acknowledging the chronic nature of the condition, making lifestyle adjustments, and gradually redefining one's sense of normalcy. Acceptance fluctuates, with some days being more accepting than others.

Factors facilitating acceptance

Importance of a proper diagnosis.

Acknowledge chronic nature without giving in to despair.

Do and try what you need, but don't obsess over finding the cure

Use language that resonates: "coping with" or "dealing with."

Losses and emotional turmoil

Patients often experience a range of emotions, including disbelief, anxiety, depression, guilt, and anger.

The saddest thing about anger is that it's the people cloest to use that get the brunt of our anger and irritability - and this can cause a lot of problems in relationships. When you're in pain 24 hours a day, every little thing annoys you because you're always on edge

The losses associated with giving up activities and roles can lead to a profound sense of grief, impacting one's identity and contributing to emotional turmoil.

70-100% of individuals with chronic illnesses experience depression due to associated losses.

Identifying the losses

Figure out what the most distressing loss is

By pinpointing the most distressing aspects, individuals gain a starting point for managing associated emotions.

Expressing emotions is encouraged, be it through talking, journaling, or seeking professional support.

Strategies for Coping and Acceptance:

Identify Priorities and Core Values: Encourages individuals to reflect on their priorities and core values.

Take Responsibility for Changes: Actially MAKE the necessary changes in life based on identified priorities. Priorities can change based on symptoms, and it's important to make conscious decisions instead of going on auto-pilot.

Focus on Today and Practice Mindfulness: Recommends evaluating daily accomplishments in the context of the present, promoting mindfulness to shift focus from the past or future. Don't compare yourself now to the level of achievement you except in the PAST. Be compassionate and evaluate based on how you're feeling TODAY, and how you feel about what you've done today given that you're in X/10 pain.

Gratitude Journal: keep a gratitude journal to foster positivity and appreciation for daily achievements. Think of 3-4 things you are grateful about to end the day positively.

Embracing acceptance is vital in tackling chronic pain, helping to ease emotional distress, and paving the way for healthier coping mechanisms. It's about acknowledging and validating the emotions tied to pain, breaking free from the constant struggle, and gaining a more realistic outlook. Acceptance empowers individuals to adapt, stay engaged in meaningful activities, and avoid the pitfalls of catastrophic thinking.

#chronic pain #chronic illness #chronically ill #acceptance #chronicpain

[brittle-doughie]

Gift Mode | Keeping Quiet | Little Ones | Wandering Part 3 (Jellywalker AU)

One of you anons was pretty enthusiastic to request more of this AU. I did finish these sooner then I expected, so forgive me if there’s more goofs then usual in this 4 prompt post!

Gift Mode

Seeing you being gifted various amounts of trinkets and items by your horde members didn’t go undocumented by Wasabi Cookie. It would range from standard jellies to the rare rainbow jelly that they could find, this was another odd behavior indicated and displayed only in this horde, but considering this was your horde, she shouldn’t be surprised that the walker gang is displaying all manners of odd behaviors.

Of course, one way or another, the surviving gang finds out that the walkers coddle you for the time the infected isn’t attacking things. Cherry Cookie had half a mind to just head on over and blow them up, but Brave and the others settled her down. Fairy Cookie is just annoyed, if the walkers grow too close to you, then the chances of you willingly wishing to return back to normal grow dim. They had to change the tide by providing their own gifts to you too!

Ninja Cookie agrees on this aspect, he doesn’t wish for you to be uncomfortable and afraid for when they bring this proposition to you. Being forceful about it will mean you’re less likely to trust them, not to mention the obvious giant mass of walkers that will tear them to shreds if they step over the line. Wasabi can conclude that if the group is able to gain a more positive opinion from you, it should a breeze to offer the cure to you later

The gift-giving would begin when a horde member would bring you what they found up ahead, it was a bowl of jellies with a tag that says the name of who’ve brought it. The infected group are not familiar with this gesture, so they didn’t think much of it, or at all. You, still having the recollection of your memories, appreciated the gesture.

The more sensitive gift giving walker cookies like Blackberry or Cotton Candy probably will catch on to these gifts being delivered from outside forces from the way you smile and enjoy the gifts. This will increase their own gift giving efforts as the other members of the swarm follow after with their own attempts at giving gifts. This does lead to some in-fighting again over who can get the best type of gift for you.

But the main enemy of the gift giving were the culprits of these random gifts they keep finding in their path. They couldn’t even throw them away or ditch them as they didn’t wish to deny their horde heart of any possible sustenance, so they begrudgingly hand them to you.

The survivors are glad to see their efforts are working, but they can spot the swarm’s agitation at outside forces trying to get to their heart. They need to stay out of sight when giving more gifts in the future, something tells them the horde will not show mercy if they spot them….

Keeping Quiet

Even with your mind muddied by the infection, you can still have feelings of irritation, towards your own horde in particular. This usually happens if they fail to listen to what you had to say and act belligerently, leaving you angrily grumbling to yourself, it may leave the jellied cookies around you to awkwardly grumble and display a feeling of being apologetic to you.

Yes, they were trying to protect you, but if the surviving cookies meant no ill will, they are to be left alone. After a major incident involving the horde being triggered by an unintentional provocation by a group of survivors, you lead away from the group at the front, separating from them..and taking the lead.

Blackberry Walker and Firewalker tried to follow after you closely, but you made it clear that you wish to be away from the horde for a while. They were hurt, but they understood.

Other jellied cookies would try their luck in trying to earn your favor, but they were met with the same silence every time. It really sinks in to them that they’ve done messed up this time. With the near hivemind levels of the horde, they all come to the conclusion to try their best to win back your favor in a different way.

And that would be passing by groups of surviving cookies and NOT fly into a protective aggression against them. It was hard to wrangle the boss walkers into compliance without your help, but it was done. If they can show that they have the willpower to leave innocent survivors be, then you’ll have to accept them back!

The biggest test came when a young surviving cookie accidentally struck their bouncy ball at you, sending you back a little. A feeling of terror washed over you as you expected the swarm to immediately attack this cookie, but seconds came and went, and the horde was still behind you. Shaking in rage, but only just glaring at the cookie to get on out of there.

The cookie grabs their ball and runs off out of view, you felt the tension finally leave you as you turn to your horde, looking to you with anticipation, a gap in the group made for you to walk right into. You couldn’t have rejoined the mob quicker enough.

Little Ones

I had no idea that around the time I started writing, OliveNARA would make a Jellywalker crisis series. Y’all should check it out.

Unfortunately, the virus didn’t spare anyone, and that includes the younger cookies.

Younger cookies within the horde were protected by fellow members of the swarm, if it wasn’t Y/N Cookie, meaning harm to the little ones will earn you the fury of the infected. Any one of them that’s injured is quickly healed up by the infected healers in the group and you would hand them gifts as well to really bring them down to normal.

The younger cookies aren’t as aggressive as the others and tend to stay away from the fighting at the back of the horde, they’ll be moved back there by other walkers if a fight does pick up. They’re still treated with caution as they will attack if given no other choice. You wanted to stand at the frontline when it comes to protecting the little ones, but the swarm is insistent on keeping you at the middle while the strongest the horde has is at the front instead!

You’d spend time with Onion Walker alongside Blackberry Walker similarly to how you would back in the living days. You would be one of the few cookies that would stop her crying, Blackberry being the other.

The Chess Choco Walkers’ chess playing remain after the virus has struck them and would like to play with you every now and then. The infection does throw strategy out the window, but it makes the two cookies happy enough!

Walnut Walker still retains her detective skills as you would often join along with her to whatever random clue hunt her infected mind can bring up. She once found an old bowler hat that she gave you, an approving grumble leaving you as she liked how the hat fits you!

You and the other horde members treated the younger walkers with the care they needed. It seemed the infection left out the caring part of their minds if they could display this level of passiveness and even a sense of protectiveness for the little cookies.

Wandering Part 3

The group was relieved to see you brought back to normal, your eyes retained their shape again and the jelly is all gone from your body. The surviving cookies weee glad to see the cure had worked and it was great news to Wasabi, now she just needed to deliver this news to Aloe!

However, those plans may be wrenched a little when Moonlight Walker started to reactively twitch and recoil as she could feel the connection between her and Y/N Cookie severed as she convulsed..before letting out a shriek that sounded throughout the forest.

The horde was immediately called in and some were visibly caught by surprised to see Y/N Cookie not resembling then anymore and the connection in the head is broken, leaving them unable to directly pinpoint your feelings, location, etc. They can still recognize in the end and so did they for the Brave gang, but the Brave gang only infuriated the infected.

Moonwalker was thankfully able to snap out of her depressed stupor and making snarling and grumbling sounds to the infected gang, likely explaining the situation. They had to hold back a bunch of hate for the Brave gang for tainting your precious head with suggestions of this cure! It was for your sake however, so they held back on ripping them apart for now..

It was rather odd to merge back into your horde with your infection no longer persisting. You didn’t mind the continued gifts and offerings of food, but you were more watchful to see if they’re safe to eat, the cure would’ve been for nothing if you had gotten reinfected a little later. While the walkers were bummed out that you didn’t actively seek to reconnect your mind with theirs, they decided to just keep holding onto you. They didn’t trust those living cookies at all despite Brave making the proposition to create more of the cure for all of them.

You’d cross that bridge when you got to it, but for now, you had to knowingly manage your infected party who still treated you with the same level of care as previously. Perhaps waiting for more of the cure wouldn’t be so bad…

#cookie run x reader #cookie run x you #jelly walkers x reader #cookie wars x reader #jellywalker au

[sips-tea-cutely]

“I’m getting on the bus to the other world, see ‘ya!”

“What value is there to a life that wants to end? ‘That must suck.’ ‘I get it.’ Don't act as if you understand! In the end, after a few years, I'll still be suffering. So stab me, kill me, and take me away.

This is the only thing I thought to do, my first and final struggle in vain...”

a/n: basically just an emotional diary cause dazai’s the only thing my insane mind cam conjure up (cw: suicide duhh, overdosing, mentally ill pwp, im romanticizing my ideal partner)

dazai is so tired. acting as if being insulted constantly and getting bashed isn’t anything at all for the ‘second-most esteemed detective of the agency’ or the ‘mafia demon prodigy’.

“you know i’m human too, right, chūya?”

why could no one acknowledge how much he needs love, any kind of love— a miserable rope ties around his heart, pulling on it tighter every single second of every day. does no one truly care for him?

ahaha! how funny— to believe that someone really cared for him? with all of the wrongdoings he has committed and not to mention how utterly inhumane he looks. that could not possibly be him, right?

someone with such a dreaded mind and a pessimistic view could not possibly look like him, no, it must not!

the people he calls his allies are merely lying, of course! kunikida wouldn’t care at all if one day he had just dropped dead, in fact, he would probably sigh from overjoy that the annoyance known as osamu dazai has left the living world— chūya has always despised his partner in crime, he’d probably do the same thing that he had done when dazai left the mafia, open some expensive wine and celebrate the death of the maniac.

why has he continued living? the goal entrusted to him by his departed friend has started to stray from his mind; why must morals divide what is good and bad? why is it a so-called sin to kill yourself? what good is a life that has no aspiration of living if it’ll die anyways?

as he sits in his dorm room, empty bottles of sake and soju are all over any surface he was able to find, he lies in his futon, clothes and bandages soiled from sweat and tears.

he stares at the bottle of anti-depressants mori had given him four years ago.

“here, dazai. perhaps this will cure your burdens.”

what shitty advice. it was blatantly obvious that mori had only wanted him to live as his little mind toy, someone he could play with until it broke and he got bored.

opening the bottle, he shook around, looking at the ivory white tablets. “haah, fearing death— how silly of me.” he laughed to himself.

throwing each tab into his mouth, he watered it down with the little bit of sake left in his bottle.

slowly, his vision started to blur as his head became lightheaded. the heartbeat that dazai had normally been able to control started beating out of his chest— as if the tight rope around it had torn and burst from the sudden highs of dosulepin.

‘i’m sorry, odasaku. i could not keep my promise to you.”

white, the alcoholic scent of disinfectants, the flow of IV through his wrist, could this be doctor yosano’s office? no, yosano is definitely somewhere here but it’s not her office.

he’s in a hospital, and he’s still alive. lost in his own thoughts, dazai didn’t even hear yosano walk in.

“dazai, you’re awake. glad to know, s/o was worried sick when they found you in your dorm.” she explained, of course it was you who had brought him. although the both of you were often busy with your jobs, you still fawned over him and sent him endearing texts throughout the day— to let him know you cared.

he couldn’t believe it though. he truly believed everything you have told to him was a complete and utter lie. you were probably laughing about him in private, that’s the only way he could stay sane in his cruel version of reality anyways.

“i feel like i already know the answer but— why would you do this?” she sighed. “when s/o had found you, you were trembling and your heart was going over 80 beats per minute.” she said, reading through her diagnostic charts.

“isn’t it obvious, doctor yosano? i wanted to die. that’s all.” he said meekly (as meekly as someone outspoken like him could). obviously annoyed with his ideation for death, yosano had walked off into the waiting room, where you were waiting.

how shall he explain something such as this? you hated every self deprecating joke he had made, you hated how he had lied and deceived even people who trust him with their life, because you are the only one he has let know he is a fraud to humanity.

what would you say? something as idiotic as ‘i understand that the pain you’re going through is unbearable but—‘? haha, how hopeless that would be, wouldn’t it?

snapping out of his thoughts, your hand rests on the bed he’s sitting in. he didn’t even notice you walk in, the drugs must have done some sort of number on him, ahaha!

what will you say? why won’t you say anything? for once, dazai is scared. the painfully agonizing silence is the only thing that fills the bright room as he predicts your words.

will you break up with him? it wouldn’t be a surprise, dealing with someone as ‘sensitive’ (as mori would put it) would get annoying eventually.

“i hope you know i’m here for you, osamu.”

“what?” he responded. you’re here for him? …

“i’m just saying if you need someone to help you when you’re overwhelmed by your emotions, ill be here for you. i get that you don’t want someone to say ‘you’ll be okay’ when you probably aren’t. i’ll be here for when you’re exhausted, i don’t want you to die soon.”

the long rope clenched around his heart once more. this time it wasn’t from depression like it has been for years, it was from endearment, panic, adoration, love. osamu dazai loved you.

you weren’t able to instantaneously fill the hallow hole in his heart but slowly, you’d help him fix it and replace it with memories of you and him.

you could not fix his ideals but, you could make him stay— just one last time, and another, and another until he has spent so many nights he has almost completely forgotten of his grievances.

dazai was tired. but with you in his life, his burdens have felt just a little bit lighter. and he couldn’t really kill himself now and leave his light all alone, could he?

#LOL!! coping through dazai so i can be allowed to feel feelings #mod maki #bungo stray dogs imagines #bungo stray dogs x reader #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs imagines #bungou stray dogs x reader #bungou sd #bungou stray dogs #bsd #bsd imagines #bsd x reader #osamu dazai #dazai osamu #dazai osamu x reader #osamu dazai x reader

[quietly-by-myself]

hello, I came to pitch this Thought that I've had for too long to you because your writing would be the only way I could read it ☠️

Simply just whumpee (s) with split/chapped lips, many ideas that I can't write so I figured I'd leave them with you!

- 🐘 (idk just wanted to share this with you! 🫶🏽)

So I had a few scenarios in mind, but I wanted to write something with my comfort characters (Fearon and Jules, lol).

There's a brief foreword I put below the cut because I don't doubt that I have followers grieving the loss of a loved one from cancer. So, fuck cancer. You get to go under heavy CWs.

CW: terminal illness, cancer, vampire caretaker, human whumpee, disability, broken bones, medication talk

===

Chapped lips are common in people with terminal cancer. By the time Jules was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, he was in advanced stage four pancreatic cancer with metastasis to his bones, liver, lungs, and gastric system. This led him to break his bones very, very easily.

It's only at an advanced stage, when Jules just couldn't take the pain anymore, that Fearon turned him. This was Jules' choice, not Fearon's.

===

"Your lips are drying out."

Fearon sat on the side of the bed, watching his love lay there, hardly able to move from the pain the ran throughout his entire body. Fearon was entirely helpless in it all. He was an immortal vampire with the ability to manipulate gravity, yet he was helpless to help his love.

Dying was never easy. Fearon presumed it shouldn't be, considering that the point of life was to stay alive. However, of all the ways he'd seen someone go out, cancer had to be the most horrific.

To say that Jules' lips were chapped was an understatement - they were actively bleeding. Just another source of pain for the human he loved.

Now that Fearon had made the decision to turn Jules, he was just waiting for the word from Jules. Jules was stubborn and didn't want to give in, not so easily. He was insistent on eating his favorite meal once more before Fearon turned him.

However, they both knew that it was impossible. If it wasn't possible a month ago, it surely would never be possible again. The cancer was fast and had taken over everything - it had broken Jules' bones, made him unable to eat, turned his eyes and skin a faint yellow color.

God, how Fearon despised having to watch it all.

"Do you have petroleum jelly?"

Jules' voice was horribly weak. He hadn't eaten in days, could hardly keep water down. His throat was scratchy and each time he coughed, the look of agony from his broken ribs broke Fearon's heart.

Fearon was a little surprised. "I think I do, but what use is it?"

"It'll help my lips."

Fearon nodded and went to his medicine cabinet. Ever since Jules had moved in and quit his job due to the cancer, Fearon had been working on stocking his house with everything a human needed, even if Jules wouldn't be human for long.

Gently, Fearon took a bit of the jelly and sat back next to Jules. He gently rubbed the petroleum jelly onto his lips. Jules hissed a bit, but soon enough, Fearon saw the look go away. The bleeding was abating a bit. Maybe it was helping.

"I hate cancer," Jules said with a sob.

"I do too." Fearon looked off to the side. What was he supposed to say?

"I'll have you turn me soon. I can't keep going like this."

Fearon nodded, then looked at Jules. He could tell the burden that the suffering was having on him. "I can give you some Dial so you can sleep a bit."

"It won't cure my cancer."

"I know. But, at least allow yourself rest."

Jules sobbed some more, hugging himself with what little strength he had. "What if it's the last time? I'm scared to sleep, Fearon."

"I promise I won't let that happen. I'll turn you before it can."

To that, Jules had little to say. Fearon was wringing his hands a little. Eventually, Jules nodded and motioned for Fearon to go get the Dial. Fearon gave Jules a pill and held his hand as he took it.

"I won't let you die."

===

Tags: @i-can-even-burn-salad @whumpsday @pigeonwhumps @oddsconvert @sparrowsage @darkthingshappen

#terminal illness #cancer #vampire caretaker #human whumpee #disability #broken bones #medication talk #an earthly cosmological redshift #whump

[rosesinbloom7love]

Legend tells of a mysterious Nature God that lives in a mystical forest onto a hidden mountain. It is said that anyone, who manages to find this forest will have any one wish they want be granted by the Nature God. Many believe the forest and God to be a simple myth. However, a certain red-headed king thinks otherwise.

L'arc: Finally! After months of searching, i've finally found the Nature God's forest!

*A huge gust of wind rushes by picking up several leaves and flowers with it. Once the wind finally dissipates, L'arc stares up in awe at the being that suddenly appeared. Delicate milky white skin that glowed in the sunlight, wild raven-black hair with deer-like antlers sat atop their head, deep green eyes that shined like precious emeralds, and long, elegant, forest-green robes clung to their figure in an oh so tantalizing way revealing their completely bare legs with nothing, but green vines curled around them. This was the Nature God in all his ethereal beauty.*

Nature God: Impressive, human. Very few have ever managed to find this place. Well done.

L'arc: Ah,Thanks. It took months of non-stop research to find even a hide of where this place was located. You keep this place well hidden!

Nature God: Indeed. Though it is quite surprising that it only took you months to find my forest. Most spend their entire lives searching to no avail.

L'arc: Guess, I just got lucky!

Nature God: Hmm, indeed. Might I know the name of the human that so cleverly discovered the location of my forest? *Steps closer*

L'arc: *Flustered* Oh, uh, it's L'arc. L'arc Berg.

Nature God: Hmm, L'arc...I like that name. Well L'arc, my name is Naofumi. I am the God of Nature and protector of this forest.

L'arc: An honor to meet you, my God~

Naofumi: *Smirks* Likewise...My king~

L'arc: *Taken aback* How did you-!

Naofumi: In any case, before I grant you your wish there are certain things you should know.

L'arc: Ok?

Naofumi: Firstly, I cannot bring anyone back from the dead. So if you came here seeking a way to bring back a lost loved one, I suggest you quit while you're ahead. I can, however, heal any kind of injury or illness that a person may have.

L'arc: Don't worry, I have no plans to revive the dead. i'm not THAT stupid.

Naofumi: Secondly, I won't kill anyone for you, but I will offer you a weapon to do so.

L'arc: *In a flirty tone* Oh, I didn't realize an enchanting god like yourself would condone such awful actions~

Naofumi: *Smirks* it is YOUR wish. What you choose to do with it afterward is none of my concern. So, I hope you will be somewhat responsible for your actions~

L'arc: I make no promises~

Naofumi: Lastly, I cannot influence the minds or emotions of another person as it's just wrong in my opinion.

L'arc: You sure? You seem to have a pretty good influence on me~

Naofumi: *Rolling his eyes playfully* Cute. But other than those three things, you are free to wish for anything you desire.

L'arc: Anything~?

Naofumi: Of course. Now tell me, what is it that your heart desires most?

L'arc: *Without even the slightest bit of hesitance* You.

Naofumi: ....I'm sorry, I think I misheard you. Could you repeat that?

L'arc: I said, I. desire. YOU.

Naofumi: *Still processing* You...You must be joking, right? Surely this is a joke.

L'arc: Nope. I'm serious.

Naofumi: ....Why!? What on earth could possibly compel you to make such an absurd-

L'arc: You're beautiful.

Naofumi: *Blushing* Wha-

L'arc: I think anyone would be lucky to have a beautiful god such as yourself as their lover!

Naofumi: L-Lover!?

L'arc: Is that really a strange request? I find it hard to believe that no other human has asked to take you as their lover.

Naofumi: Most humans ask for riches, fame, or knowledge of some kind. Others seek a way to exact revenge on another or a cure for a deadly sickness. None have dared to ask for such a strange wish...

L'arc: I must be quite lucky that no one has snatched you up yet~

Naofumi: ...You are quite a strange human...

L'arc: I suppose, I am~

Naofumi: *Clears throat* Well...I suppose if you're so insistent on being my lover, then I guess I have no choice, but to grant your wish. *Blushing*...I admit, when it comes to humans that have sought out my forest, you ARE the most attractive one i've met so far...So, I'm not exactly OPPOSED to the thought of being your lover...

L'arc: YES! You will not regret this decision! Oh! I have to get back now. My party is probably getting worried since i've been gone so long. I'll be back next week to introduce you to my party! See you, kiddo~

Naofumi: Uh, wait-!

*Before, Naofumi could protest, L'arc took off in a hurry leaving the nature god alone*

Naofumi: *Sighs* Truly. *Smiles softly* what a strange man...

*L'arc come back a day later as in his attempts to seduce the nature god, the red-headed adventurer completely forgot to ask for the magic, cure-all healing water he was originally tasked with getting from the god. Thus Larc had to return after getting chewed out by his companions to ask the nature god for the water. Naofumi, of course, gave L'arc the magic water with no issue, all while holding back laughter at the adventurer's own foolishness.*

#the rising of the shield hero #RaruFumi #God/Goddess Au #Chat #Nature God!Naofumi #L'arc trying to romance a god #And somehow succeeds #But forgets to ask for the item he was actually supposed to get #God!Naofumi finds L'arc amusing

[circus-complex]

Glass Mind | Chapter 4/?

Rating: Teen +

Relationships: Feng Xin/Mu Qing

Characters: Feng Xin, Mu Qing

Tags: feng xin falls ill, Canon-typical swearing, mu qing has to care for him, Febuwhump 2024, Slow Burn, Feng Xin and Mu Qing are slightly OOC, Fluff and Angst, Fluff, Angst

Feng Xin falls ill, messing with his head. Mu Qing tasks himself with taking care of him. Does Mu Qing truly hate Feng Xin?

Also on AO3

Full chapter under the cut

Mu Qing, now aware that he needs to take care of the Southwest and Southeast, was swamped with work. Not only did he have to take care of Feng Xin, he had to figure out how to combine the palaces. Mu Qing was aware that their followers, mortal or god, would loathe each other. He didn’t blame them, Feng Xin’s junior deputies were a pain. Apart from that Li Junlan. He seemed nice enough.

Feng Xin didn’t show any improvement. If anything, he’d gotten worse. Intervals between manic states were growing shorter, and they seemed to be getting worse.

General Ju Yang, please let me have a- Fuck! Mu Qing truly felt bad for Feng Xin now. Ling Wen had a prayer funnel set up, so Mu Qing could hear Feng Xin’s devotees for the time being. But the only difference was the prayers for sons and to have a better sex life! They had similar domains, any troublesome beasts were overlapping.

Being a god didn’t require much work. Mu Qing’s only responsibility was to delegate tasks to junior deputies, and if needed, deal with an occasional ghost.

Due to Hua Cheng aligning himself with Xie Lian, ghosts were under more control. But some weren’t citizens of the Ghost City, and still wreaked havoc. Most of them being Qi Rong’s underlings.

Ling Wen?

Mu Qing heard her exasperated sigh on the other end. What?

Have you…found anything else?

No. Shi Wudu has gone missing, Feng Xin has gone insane, but one of them is still contained. Take a guess as to what I’m working on?

Mu Qing’s eye twitched. Great.

You could try searching yourself? Did you consider that?

I- Yes. I could.

Well, Feng Xin is calm right now. I’ll send someone over, and you can take a look at the reports so far. It contains everything related to this case.

Very well.

✦✦✦

“General Xuan Zhen? I’m here with the reports you asked for!”

Mu Qing stood up, walking to the door and opening it with a Bang!

“Thank you…Li Junlan,” He faltered as he saw the familiar face. He took the - rather large - stack of papers out of his hands,

“No problem General. I hope you find a cure for General Nan Feng soon.”

Li Junlan bowed and turned to exit. Mu Qing slammed the papers on his desk. There were so many to go through. But Feng Xin hadn’t required much of his time lately, throwing him out more often than letting him in, so he supposed it wouldn’t hurt. It would keep him busy and his mind off…things.

The first portion was possible causes of psychosis. The second was Feng Xin’s behavior and how to deal with it. The third was possible triggers and anything recent. The fourth was what had happened in the past.

Mu Qing was truly stumped. The causes ranged from flowers to curses. The flowers seemed to be ruled out, they were typically a one time thing. If this had happened before, none of them fit. But neither did any of the curses. Most of them caused lack of contact with reality, leading to murder of close ones. But Feng Xin was harmless. The only harm he caused was to himself.

Unless that was the goal.

What if someone was trying to hurt Feng Xin? If you were to curse him to harm himself then you wouldn’t be a suspect. And by setting the end goal hundreds of years later, you would never be suspected as such.

This wasn’t something Ling Wen would know.

Xie Lian!

Eh? Mu Qing?

Does Feng Xin have anyone who would wish to cause him harm? Perhaps an ex or someone he got into a fight with?

He’s generally liked, isn’t he? There isn’t anyone I can think of, maybe Jian Lan?

She didn’t seem too mad, but I’ll look into it.

Mu Qing put his head in his hands. Frustration was starting to boil, and was threatening to spill over. Ugh! Feng Xin’s always a headache, no matter what form he takes. He stood up, deciding to take a walk through the human realm to clear his head. Maybe some time not thinking about Feng Xin would be good.

✦✦✦

“Mu Qing, have you seen Shi Wudu?” Shi Qingxuan trudged up to the Martial God. Her eyes were red-rimmed.

“No, I’m sorry,” Mu Qing tried his best to sound empathetic. Could he have a moment alone? Please?

“Is Feng Xin better yet? Ming-xiong said Shi Wudu was last spotted in the southeast,” Shi Qingxuan tipped her head to the left.

“I- Yes, but he’s still unwell. He’s not really in a state to converse.”

“Ah, that. That reminds me, Ming-xiong-”

Ming-xiong this, Ming-xiong that, did she ever shut up about him!?

-once got hit by a delusion curse. You might want to ask him about it!”

The wind master waved and turned around, leaving Mu Qing to ponder her words. He’d never spoken to the earth master before, but perhaps it was the same. That would speed up getting Feng Xin back to normal and…Mu Qing wouldn’t have to care for him anymore.

Perfect. He’ll speak with Ming Yi tomorrow.

#fengqing #ao3 #feng xin #mu qing #febuwhump #febuwhump 2024 #febuwhump2024 #ao3 writer #fanfiction #fanfic

[ghostonly]

On Curing Chronic Illness

I think the hardest thing about having a chronic illness that isn't undeniably permanent but that has no known cure is the extreme conflict in feelings regarding developing a cure.

It's like, do I want a cure for POTS to be developed? I mean, yeah, I guess that would be really good! For me and a lot of other people.

It's just really hard to want a cure for the things I've got for a number of reasons.

It takes a long time to build up a sense of self confidence and community when finding out you're disabled.

The world treats people with disabilities like they're society's baggage and like we're just this sad little charity case So Much Of The Time that anyone researching a cure for anything feels like... Are you doing this for the good of the people who have it? Or are you doing this for the "betterment" of society - to remove disability because it's "bad"? Is there really any difference? Or has my sense of community and my experience being belittled as a disabled person made me stubborn to the possibility of improving my own misery?

Am I lesser as a member of the disabled community for wanting to not be disabled anymore? I mean, even if they found a cure for one thing, I'd still have multiple other disabilities, so there's little chance I'll ever stop being disabled, but am I bad for wishing it? There are so many people out there, missing limbs or paralyzed, who say they would never change that about themselves, because this is how they understand the world and how to navigate it - that learning how to live without those disabilities would be harder and more work than just keeping them. Am I weaker for not feeling that way about my own?

Even if there was a cure for my disabilities, what would happen if I got it? What would happen if I got a magic little pill that took all of my chronic illness away? Would I be able to merge back in with abled society? I'm not even sure if I ever was part of abled society. The point at which I developed the symptoms of my invisible illnesses is a complete mystery to me. It was a gradient that I suspect started younger than I realize. Would I be able to fit in with abled peers? Or would I constantly feel like an outcast because my experiences as a disabled person are forever imprinted on my body and my mind? Would curing myself simply estrange me from my disabled community and leave me without any community to feel at home in at all?

If I didn't support researching a cure for possibly curable chronic illnesses due to my own sense of community and my own experience dictating I simply can never be removed from said community, would it simply be my stubbornness damning another generation of kids who could have avoided being disabled to begin with? Is it ableist to want that for them when there shouldn't be anything wrong with being disabled?

I think what it really comes down to is... society has made it really hard for improved healthcare and disability pride to coexist with each other. It's like this double-edged sword of, "if you're willing to accept a cure for yourself, you're admitting that being disabled is bad."

And it's easy to logic out that that shouldn't be the case, that being disabled can be unpleasant and we can want a cure for things for which a cure may be possible, and still respect disabled people and recognize that not everything is curable and still make a world where being disabled doesn't hinder us in everyday life...

But on the other hand... it feels like a radical choice - one that I might like to make for myself in the event that a cure for POTS or any number of other things was developed - to refuse a hypothetical cure purely for the sake of... I will stand with this community and remain in it and spread awareness and acceptance of disability until the day in which every member of the disabled community is accommodated and respected and our society is built with their needs in mind.

Do you know what I mean?

To leave the community - to accept an Out - before that day comes...

I would feel like a traitor. I would feel like I gave up on us.

I don't know if there's any point to this post. I've just been sitting here, frustrated, because I'm leaving the US again in a month and I'm in a state where I don't have a PCP/GP yet and I need my meds to be refilled but trying to find an office that will have an opening in the next month is just next to impossible and I know for a fact that it won't kill me to go off my meds; it just might be a bit uncomfortable.

I went off of them for a week when I was waiting for a ride to the pharmacy. It was uncomfortable for a day or two and then I was managing again. I was more fatigued, but I wasn't unable to do what I usually do, with a bit of effort. So I've been sitting here debating whether or not to just say fuck it and go off my meds until I can get healthcare in the country I'm moving to.

It's so hard to care about treatments that hardly touch the issues I have. And that's when I thought, "Wouldn't it be nice to not have POTS?" And then I just wanted to share that whole spiel because I wondered, do any of you ever think about this shit?

#disabled #actually disabled #chronic illness #chronically ill #actually chronically ill #pots #postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome #eds #heds #ehlers danlos syndrome #fibro #fibromyalgia #cfs #chronic fatigue syndrome #me/cfs #cfs/me

[tallmantall]

James Donaldson on Mental Health - Getting anxious over Anxiety Depression?

A lot of people who are exerting too much of their brain power usually exhaust not only their physical strength when engaging in various multi-tasking activities, they also tend to over extend their brains up to the point when it plainly needs some good old time for relaxation. A lot of busy people who seem to cannot fathom the idea of relaxing and taking time of from work, as well as their worries, tend to actually start having nervous breakdowns, anxiety depression and all sorts of mental illnesses that can cause a person's sanity to go haywire, fortunately, if you're one of those poor unfortunate ones who are unable to distress and is constantly worried and fussing over things, there are actually available cures and various treatments for treating anxiety depression. Anxiety depression is actually characterized by all sorts of irregularities and erratic behavior from the person who is suffering from it, this is usually due to certain stress triggers that may tend to easily cause a person undue jitters and stress. Also, a lot of people who tend to get easily nervous over stressful activities are actually prone to having anxiety depression, its just a matter of being strong-willed when it comes to facing difficult and stress-prone activities. It may be pretty hard to overcome at first, but trying to be calm and cool in times of extreme pressure is what'll actually save your mental health from going totally downward spiral. When it comes to effectively curing one's self from a mental illness, one must keep in mind that you have to be actually honest with yourself and assess what kind of depression or mental illness you actually have, go to reputable psychiatrist to get yourself diagnosed correctly as well as be able to get the right depression treatment for yourself. Here are the various types of depression: Manic or Bipolar depression - characterized by sudden and extreme changes in one's mood wherein one minute he or she is in an elevated state of euphoria while the next minute (day or week) he or she is feeling to be in a personal hell. Postpartum depression - characterized by a prolonged sadness and a feeling of emptiness by a new mother wherein physical stress during child birth, an uncertain sense of responsibility towards the new born baby can be just some of the possible factors why some new mother go through this. Dysthimia - characterized by a slight similarity with depression, although this time, it's been proven to be a lot less severe, but of course with any case, should be treated immediately. Cyclothemia - characterized by a slight similarity with Manic or Bipolar depression wherein the individual suffering from this mental illness may occasionally suffer from severe changes in one's moods. Seasonal Affective Disorder - characterized by falling in a rut only during specific seasons (i.e. Winter, Spring, Summer or Fall) studies however, prove that more people actually fall in to a rut more during the Winter and Fall seasons and lastly, Mood swings, wherein a person's mood may shift from happy to sad to angry in just a short time.  #James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com Link for 40 Habits Signupbit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub But the type of depression that has actually been proven to be quite common among people is anxiety depression, which is actually characterized by the state of being overly anxious about things. Anxiety, a supposedly normal behavior that'll actually help a person adjust more to a certain stressful activity like first date jitters or a grueling exam the following day. Anxiety actually helps you get psyched up towards facing certain "difficult situations"; anxiety therefore is actually a good thing. Anxiety depression however, is simply the opposite, not to be easily dismissed as a "case of the nerves"; Anxiety depression is in actuality an illness that can be caused from the biological makeup of an individual, or in other words, a hereditary illness. Also, there are actually various types of Anxiety depression, each having its own unique characteristics. Take for example Generalized Anxiety Disorder or GAD, this kind of Anxiety depression is a lot more complicated than the average Anxiety depression, in spite of possibly being a day-to-day habit for those who suffer this kind of Anxiety depression, Generalized Anxiety Disorder actually makes the individual quite more paranoid than usual, anxiety attacks are more frequent, even absurd at times. They can even be anxious even when there's no apparent reason that calls for them to behave in such a way. People suffering from Generalized Anxiety Disorder actually shows a lot of symptoms, from lack of sleep, to being unable to relax, getting tired easily, cannot concentrate on what they're doing and even suffering from depression.  This kind of Anxiety depression is still curable; just a little work will actually do the trick. Consult a reputable cognitive behavior therapist who'll help give the individual the therapy that he or she needs to help him or her loosen up, also prescribed medicines are sort of a must to help these individuals battle anxiety attacks, help them calm down and relax. Read the full article