#but less awful then twitter and lets be real facebook is a joke

[realcube]

haikyuu boys with a professional volleyball player! s/o 🏆

characters: kuroo, bokuto, kita, oikawa & sakusa 

tw// swearing

thank you anon for this awesome request!

Tetsurō Kuroo

he’d tell all his teammates about you and none of them would care

well, lev would care - he’d be so excited and asking for kuroo to get him your autograph but yaku would just be like ‘you don’t actually believe him, do you? 🙄’

so yeah, yaku would convince lev and yamamoto that you were just a figment of kuroo’s imagination

even thoUGH YAKU KNEW YOU WERE A REAL PERSON BC HE HAD MET YOU BEFORE AND  HE KNEW THAT YOU WERE DATING KUROO AIREBVKZGA he just loved annoying kuroo <3

and he did the job well bc kuroo was definitely annoyed

he’d be waving his phone around, desperately trying to show lev and yamamoto the selfies he took with you but they’d just be like 😑

then he finally convinced you to come visit him at practise to put an end to his humiliation

so you appeared one day and kuroo was so hyped

but not as hyped as yamamoto

he has hot-ppl senses which tingled when you entered the room so he was the first to greet you while kuroo was sitting setting up the nets

he was literally all over you

‘woah 😍 your thigh are so toned’

‘uh thank you ???’

and kuroo was not here for it

‘AYE GET YOUR DIRTY PAWS AWAY FROM THEM!!’

yamamoto fkn shits himself and runs ✌🏃‍♂️💨

then kuroo picks you up bridal style and parades you around the gym, rubbing it in everyone’s face - especially yaku and lev

‘guys, do you see this? my totally REAL s/o! who’s been to NATIONALS!! uhuh. all mine, y’all.’

yaku is so ticked off and definitely goes to snitch him out to Nekomata

and lev is just so awed, ‘(y/n) is real???’

for a moment he thought he was dreaming too until kenma purposefully hit him with a ball

‘put me down, tetsurō.’ you groaned, folding your arms over your chest

he obeyed, gently setting you down on your feet before pecking your lips, ‘ok, well, i should probably get back to practise now - train hard so hopefully one day i can be as good as you.’ he joked, teasingly emphasising the ‘you’.

you playfully punched his arm before turning on your heels to head out, ‘you wish!’

although he’ll always joke about how amazing you are in comparison to him but he genuinely admires you 🤩

Kōtarō Bokuto

he hypes you up to his team constantly

they’ve literally never even met you and they are being asked all these questions from bokuto lol

‘hey onaga, did you see (y/n) at their nationals game the other day?’

onage flinched upon being jump-scared by his captain, then choked out a little white lie, ‘uh yeahhh.’

bokuto’s face lit up, ‘great! they were so amazing during the third set, weren’t they? what was your favourite part?’

onaga froze, ‘uhh- oh, i think i hear anahori calling me to help him practise his sets! gotta go.’ then he proceeded to bolt off

bokuto shrugged it  off at first as he shouldn’t complain bc a teammate dropped a conversation to continue training with anahori - i mean, onaga came to volleyball club to practise so he wasn’t obligated to make conversation with bokuto

but while he was saying his goodbyes to everyone as they left the gym to go home, it hit him-

‘bye, komi! buh-bye, washio! and goooodbyeeee, konoha.’ bokuto let out a relived sigh as he had now finished saying his partings which meant he could lock the gym then go home, ‘wait-- ANAHORI DIDN’T EVEN COME TO PRACTISE TODAY! ONAGA!’

bokuto was deeply disheartened that his own teammate would lie to him - to get out of a conversation about you, no less

he just wanted them all to love you as much as he does

like..he’s your biggest fan!!!

~ even post-timeskip ~

he’d show up to all of your games wearing your jersey and some of the eagle-eyed press would try talk to him

they’d interview him about his own affair or about the MSBY Black Jackals but he genuinely has no interest in talking about that bc today is your day and he is here to support you

‘are you and your team hopeful to attend Olympics despite player Miya’s rumoured injury? and disclose whether these rumours are factual?’

sakusa decked atsumu after he joked about having covid-

the interview shoved and waved a microphone in bokuto’s face while he just stared at them blankly like ◉_◉

after a while bokuto stuffed a handful of popcorn in his mouth and chuckled, ‘don’t know! but the game is about to begin, shhh!-’ he hushed the interviewer, instinctively swatting the microphone away as he stood up in the stands to cheer for you, ‘WOOOO! GO, (Y/N)!’  

then he turned to the interviewer who stood frozen with a dumbfounded look on his face, ‘THAT’S MY LOVERRRR!’ he screamed into the microphone so loudly that all the press naturally backed off

and please do the same for him when the press approach you at his games 🙏

Shinsuke Kita

ofc he dates a volleyball player player-

he is such an ushijima

he is ushijima if he wasn’t left-handed

he doesn’t really brag about you too often at practise but he feels so proud when you win a game then he comes to practise the next day and his teammates tell him to pass on a congratulations

also he always comes to your games

no matter how minor or how large

you’d think you could both bond a lot over volleyball and you did that in the beginning

but over time - especially when you started playing volleyball professionally - you found other things to bond over and saved volleyball for work

he probably runs a (y/n) stan page AEIVBARTBV

AND YOU’D NEVER GUESS

like he is literally a rice farmer- you are under the impression that he doesn’t even know what facebook is

and he’s good at selling the act too

‘did you see the picture of us i posted on my instagram?--’ you asked, taking another spoonful of your cereal

‘insta what?’ kita inquired without hesitation

then as soon as you exit the room, he’ll log onto his (y/n) twitter stan account

ok ok sorry i’ll stop now

anyway he ALWAYS tries to ensure that the first thing you eat after a big game is something that he cooks

and if you go out with your team to eat after a game to celebrate a victory, he’ll try at act sweet but he’s lowkey shady tbh

‘congratulations on your victory, (y/n). and to many more’ he lifted his glass and so did you

but just as you were about to take a sip, kita interjected, ‘but that is going to be difficult if you keep filling your body with junk rather than healthy, organi--’

‘kita-’

‘ok.’ he took a sip of his drink in your honour

HE JUST CARES ABOUT YOUR HEALTH AND WELLBEING HE’S NOT TRYING TO BE RUDE 😭

Tōru Oikawa

again, when you and oikawa first started dating, volleyball was one of the only things y’all talked about

but now that you were both doing it professionally, it was basically banned in your home

well, the the game itself wasn’t banned but i mean, why would you do something all day then come back to talk about it more?

you both might adore volleyball but everything has it’s limits lol

anyway, oikawa is another one that is extra af when they come to your games

he probably makes a sign and paints his face in your team colours

and when you come out onto the court, he’ll blow you a kiss and if you don’t blow one back he’ll be so offended lmao

bc he always makes a big deal out blowing you a kiss or winking at you as soon as he steps out onto the court

it’s basically a thing he does for good luck at this point

also, if there are ever ppl trying to take pictures of y’all in public- oikawa is the first to make a big show for them

like he’s all up on you 

he’ll dip you then push his lips against you for a passionate kiss, in front of the ppl and they always go fkn crazy

he thinks he is like..Beyoncé famous...which he is not

please humble him 

but nicely 

but y’all only get attention around summertime when you are frequently playing big games 

like if oikawa leaves the house a week you competed in a big game- he’ll literally get swamped with ppl asking about you 

but contrarily, if you both leave the house in winter literally no one would even spare you a glance

on a RARE occasion, someone might sneakily snap a photo but that’s it

so you get the best of both worlds :))

also, if you’re an ace and he’s ever feeling down, if you ask him to set for you for a bit and you compliment one/all of his sets, he’ll literally feel so much better 

Kiyoomi Sakusa 

sometimes you both come back from a rough day at work, slump on the couch and watch TV together

after showering, changing, dinner etc

he’s not nna come anywhere near you if he thinks there is a chance he might be stinky from practise 

he turned on the TV and it just so happened to be on an Live volleyball game in some language that neither of you understood

he’d snake his arms around your shoulders and pull you close to his chest, satisfied by your synced breathing 

he’d press a single kiss against your jaw before shifting his attention onto the channel

you’d lay there in his arms, both of you seeming content in each other’s presence while watching the game

in reality though, neither of you were actually absorbing anything that was happening on the court - you were just staring blankly at the TV

the TV simply served as background noise to your cuddling

tbh he was way more interested in hearing the sound of your heart beat peacefully against his chest 

after a while, if he gets bored, he might finally break the silence by inquiring about your day

but if he doesn’t, you’d probably end up falling asleep in his arms, forcing him to sleep on the couch bc he’s doesn’t want to risk moving and waking you up 🥺

anyway, he’s another one that likes to save volleyball for work then leave it by the door as soon as you step inside the house 

but he’s not as uptight about it as oikawa or kita

like he’ll happily put on a volleyball match for you guys to watch if he thinks the player’s techniques are impressive

also, if the weather is nice, if you ask him to come out and practise with you for a bit and he’ll say yes 🤠

but actually 🤔 now that is think about it, if you guys had a pool in your back garden sakusa would definitely make the most of it

you’ll humbly ask him spike for you on a nice sunny day and he’ll be like

‘volleyball? really? we bought this expensive ass house with a pool which we can only use 4 out the 365.25 days of the year and you want to play volleyball? don’t you do that like..every work day.’

what can i say? man likes getting his moneys worth 🤷‍♂️

‘so is that a no to volleyball?’ you’d ask

*cue sakusa picking you up bridal style and dropping you into the pool*

then you play pool volleyball 👍

as for your games, he turns up in casual wear 😔

disappointed but not surprised

you’ll jokingly be like ‘hey! why aren’t you wearing my team colours? how are people gonna know who you’re cheering for?’ which is fair bc you turn up to all his games with his MSBY black jackals jersey with one of those foam pointy fingers with his number on it

MANS WOULD POINT TO HIS FKN WEDDING RING LIKE ‘our team colours right here.’

#kuroo tetsuro x reader #bokuto x reader #kita x you #oikawa x y/n #sakusa x reader #sakusa fluff #sakusa x you #sakusa headcanons #kuroo x reader #bokuto fluff #kita x y/n #oikawa tōru #oikawa toru x reader #kita x reader #haikyuu x gender neutral reader #sakusa imagines #kuroo x you #bokuto hcs #oikawa imagine #oikawa scenarios #kita hcs #bokuto x y/n #kuroo scenarios

[sunnygaybitch]

Ok the ask got deleted so @thelxckblog asked me:

I WANT TO KNOW MORE. How is Abed with the rest of the losers??? How does the study group respond to Abed suddenly dating Richie TrashMouth- HOW DOES TROY RESPOND??? Does Troy think Richie is hilarious and is like Abed it's so cool you have this guy as a friend and Abed is like it is cool, but he's my boyfriend. And Troy is instantly /Cool! I hate him./

Here’s my response:

I feel like all the Losers would like Abed. They recognize him as one of their own. Like that meme: “self recognition through the other.” They were losers back in the day and proudly reclaimed the title, Abed was a loser in his school days and ended up with “self esteem falling out of [his] butt.” And I think Abed would feel the same way about them. I said before that when Richie, Bill, and Abed are simply coworkers, they’re friendly with each other, but aren’t exactly friends, because Richie and Bill (and all the Losers tbh) have a hard time forming connections outside of their little group, and because Abed has a pretty aloof manner. But when he and Richie start fake dating, Richie and Bill bring him right into the friend group. He’s going to have to spend a lot of time with Richie after all, and spending a lot of time with Richie means spending a lot of time with his friends. So in this particular scenario, with Richie and Bill greasing the wheels, the other Losers have a much easier time calling Abed an actual friend. Even Eddie, who is insanely jealous because he could have totally done this fake relationship thing, what do you mean he has his own shit to deal with that shouldn’t be thrown into a potential media circus, can’t help but like Abed. Honestly I might make a separate post detailing his friendships with each and every Loser. What am I saying, of course I will, or at least - I will if I remember to jskds.

Honestly, Shirley has no idea who Richie is when Abed first starts talking about working with him. All she knows is what Abed has told her, and she’s content to leave it at that until Abed invites the Study Group to his apartment to tell them that he has a fake boyfriend now, because while I think Abed would love the fake relationship trope and would want to carry it out to the fullest, I think he’d also want to share the adventure with his friends. Maybe Abed in the early seasons would have been happy to completely fool everyone, but 2017 Abed? Who’s gone out into the world and made his way and yet still thinks of his friends all the time and is still hoping Troy will one day come back? Yeah, I think that Abed would want them in on the scheme. Anyway, Shirley doesn’t know shit about Richie Tozier, but after Abed tells them of the Plan, she looks him up and tells Abed to be careful. Because while Richie Tozier has had a hard time of it, what with staying in the closet for 40 years and never being able to be true to himself, and he seems nice enough in person, if a little loud, well - her first priority is Abed, and if this comedian drags him down in any way due to his issues or the way paparazzi sometimes follow him around, then Shirley is going to beat his pale ass to kingdom come. She tells Richie so too, and he’s a little in awe of Shirley after that slkdfhls.

Jeff is aware of who Richie is in that way that you can’t help but be aware of some celebrities simply because they seem to pop up all the time. He doesn’t really care about him though - for real doesn’t care, not that “i don’t care but really i do” thing he always does - and when Abed starts working with him, he simply thinks it’s cool that Abed works with actual famous people (though he’d never say that in so many words). When Abed tells their group that he and Richie are fake dating, he’s highly amused and vaguely concerned, because this could go wrong in several ways. Maybe Abed will get too into the scheme and start to think he’s developing feelings, or maybe this comedian guy who’s never dated a guy, much less one as admittedly charismatic as Abed, will end up falling for him for real. Or maybe they’ll both end up falling for each other, only to have it blow up in their faces later, because isn’t that just how most relationships go? But in the end, Jeff does trust that Abed can handle himself, so he just claps him on the back and discreetly (but not really that discreetly) keeps a wary eye on Richie and Abed. Just to be safe. Richie just kind of takes this in stride and resolves to poke fun at Jeff every so often because it’s Jeff. He deserves to be taken down a few pegs at all times.

Britta is very aware of who the Trashmouth is. She was definitely part of a Facebook group that was just people dunking on him for his sexist and borderline homophobic jokes, and then when he came out, was briefly one of the people who thought it was fake before joining the increasingly loud crowd who said, “Good for him for coming out, but that doesn’t mean we should excuse everything he’s said before.” After he issues a public apology and announces that he’s turning over a new leaf, she decides to follow his official account on Twitter so as to keep up to date with all the Richie “potential bi icon” Tozier news. When Abed starts working with him, she manages to stop herself from constantly asking about him, though a few questions slip through here and there. She also finds out that Richie and Abed are dating before anyone else, because the first thing Richie was ordered to do after gaining a fake boyfriend was to post a coupley pic of them with an equally coupley caption. She calls Abed right away to confirm if it’s true, but he ignores her call(s) in favor of sending her a text telling her when to come over to his apartment, because he has some big news. When Abed says that it’s simply a PR stunt, Britta is very briefly disappointed before deciding that actually, the mature, good-friend thing to do would be to wholeheartedly support Abed’s decision, which you know, it technically is. But it’s Britta. She veers into overenthusiastic territory a lot, though everyone can tell that her heart is in the right place, so they just poke their usual fun at her and don’t give her too much shit for it. Richie, ever the Trashmouth, makes it a point to see how often he can get a rise out of her, much to Jeff’s delight.

Annie, much like Jeff, knows who Richie is mostly because she’s a person with an internet connection. She was never a fan of his former comedy, and when he comes out, she internally wishes him the best of luck and moves on with her day. She congratulates Abed on working with such famous personalities, but again, it’s not that big a deal to her. It’s when the fake dating starts that she really starts to keep a keen eye on Richie. Because Richie is 40 years old. Richie probably has several midlife crises under his belt, not including the one that made him decide to come out. Richie has nearly ten years on Abed, and yes, she knows Abed can handle himself, but she’s still protective of him, because he can fake his way through most social interactions but that doesn’t mean he’s really processing them in the moment. It doesn’t mean that he’s not going to end up hurt by an older man (kind of like Jeff managed to hurt her, and ok, she has long moved past that, and maybe Abed isn’t a fresh faced eighteen year old, but Troy was right when he said Abed’s eyes were gentle and mysterious. They make her want to keep him close and make sure that the only people that come near him are the right people, and those can only be determined with a complicated vetting process). But Abed still doesn’t like being told what to do, and honestly, neither does she, so she can respect that and she can respect his choices and be nice to Richie Tozier. But she’s always watching. Richie, who is more observant than he lets on, notices, but figures that as Abed’s friend, she’s earned the right to be cautious on his behalf. He’d do the same for any of the Losers, after all.

And Troy. Troy gets his own post dkfhs.

#it x community #richie and abed fake date au

[ayakashiramblings]

Dawn and Twilight’s Social Media Accounts

Kuya

@NevermoreButSnore.

1230 followers.

Yes, I copied Edgar Allan Poe. Yes, I’m not sorry about the rhyme. Or calling him out. 

Not that he really cares.

Insists that he is a headcanon creator on Twitter 

Everyone who follows him knows that he is lying. 

If we really had to classify him as a writer, it would one who posts those way-too-accurate posts about writers complaining about writing. 

Like the notebook hoarding one. Not that anyone here in the fandom is guilty of that, haha... haha... ha.

Ironically is one of the more popular ones out of the whole group. 

His flat responses and laziness are way too prominent to NOT be noticed. 

If you actually tentatively sneak into his DMs though, for writing tips, he will patiently listen and... rather bluntly advise you. 

It’s still advice though and is always the type to check out and reblog any short fanfics.

It just has to be weird, sporadic hours because he is the type to fall asleep with the phone on his face. 

Koga Kitamikado

1230 followers.

@CapitalKayKay

Listen, there is a reason why a lot of successful businesses chose Instagram as their social media so Koga is no exception. 

What makes his account stand out, as you can see from his rather cheeky username, is that he is willing to be an open book. 

So he isn’t constantly shoving down any products he is sponsoring or whatever piece he is endorsing. 

It’s more of genuinely wanting to hang out and explore what the world has to offer. 

Whenever he posts a picture of the gang together, he’s the one tagging all of them, even the ones with hard usernames.

And there’s always a nice comment thanking whoever hosted the fun time or being appreciative of the area and the locals.

It helps that he has a sense of humour so the memes are always just the right amount of teasing but nothing too bad that will deter potential clients.

Because of his down-to-earth nature, he reels everyone in.

Uses the space to invite everyone following him on any celebration/casual outing.

The thing is... he has a lot of followers.

So... good luck.

Aoi

1150 followers.

@DeredArtTooTsun

Look, even he knows he is a Tsundere. It’s a small victory getting him to acknowledge that, let alone use it to brand himself here.

But god, he’s the man I’m most jealous of on Tumblr.

PERFECT BULLET JOURNALS AND SKETCHES.

Got the spreads that literally define ‘aesthetic’, a perfect lineup of art materials even with pencils that have their numbers faded, and somehow, the emotions can pass through the paper and screen.

Even does tutorials on perspectives, positions with cute annotations. Just don’t praise them for being adorable though and focus on improving your skills, dummy.

Ironically though, it’s his mindless vents that get the most number of notes.

It helps that the pics include him, a very cute... I mean... manly boy screaming at very, very hot men.

A bit baffled but whatever it takes to get commissions. 

That’s right, he takes them. At least there is a back-up option should the restaurant ever go out of business. 

Spoiler Alert: Still doesn’t get paid as much. People, have you seen the number of talented artists here? Aoi might be in the rankings but it’s still hard attracting business.

Support your fandom artists, everyone!

Ginnojo

1000 followers. Just nice.

Ginnojoz

Poor grandpa didn’t intend to put that extra ‘z’ letter, it was a typo because scales don’t get along with haptic touch. 

And unfortunately, doesn’t understand how to change it. 

Once, he was huge on Vine before it died. The end of an era that he has to witness again. RIP.

Gin-Gin, it is RIGHT. THERE.

Expect to find his super short self-defence videos and Book Club Readings on YouTube.

Girls actually appreciate his instructions and attempts to provide help even if they are alone. 

He did try to respond to the nice ones and actually succeeds. 

It’s always easier getting to know the language of women when you don’t really see/touch them.

A deep baritone is perfect for some sexy excerpt of a historical novel... 

Until he corrects the setting.

In fact, he sometimes rage-quits and rewrites it. 

Unlike Kuya, him doing those established ideas actually catches on. 

Yura and Gaku

1500 followers.

MelodyandTheBeat. 

... Tik-tokers. Tik-Tok people? 

WTH do you call them?

As you can see, they are the most popular since it’s combined stardom.

Look, their covers and music mixes are beautiful.

They always have their own version that somehow combines traditional Japanese music... with k-pop.

And of course, food porn. 

Just be grateful there isn’t that awful squelching sound you hear when you consume jelly or the breaking of chilli seeds. 

Listen, I usually separate them because it’s never nice to be grouped as having the same activity as your twin. 

But in this case, being both equally beautiful AND talented sells their uploads. 

Even the cringy ones made because Yura is such a Luddite. 

Like just turning his head and being amazed his hair can turn so many colours, being impressed with each tilt until he gets to a black shade. 

Suddenly hurls the phone away. Gee, wonder why? Guess black isn’t the new... black for him?

Gaku sometimes even introduces new filters he created based on Yura’s random requests that strangely get circulated on the site. 

Oji

550 followers all know Oji-Sanz

Unlike Ginnojo, he deliberately adds the ‘z’ letter to sound cool.

You wanna know what’s worse? 

He actually uses Facebook. 

Aoi decides to give up on him. Nobody blames the poor student.

It’s apparently some old form of social media? Never used it, no sirree. 

Always changing his relationship status but at the end of the day, he’s single and ready... 

To post about all the lovely ladies destined to enter his restaurant. 

He thinks it’s great publicity. 

It really isn’t but one good thing about Oji is he includes EVERYONE.

This man respects his customers and always helps advertise their wares, especially if their connections lead to more resources. 

And less grocery shopping on his part.

Does post the recipes he and Aoi created but will never use because the Milk Hall had a certain style to follow.

Officially makes Aoi his son... on Facebook at least. 

Aoi now tolerates the account. 

Barely. 

Toichiro Yuri

WhatheMeSay has 1231 followers! 

In your face @CapitalKayKay and @NevermorebutSnore!!

You know, I’m so glad that there aren’t any users with those names because I’d be so scared of accidentally tagging them.

Also, geddit? Because... What the fox say? 

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding... yeah, I’ll stop.

Pinterest Guy. And actually does spend on his ‘hobby’ to show off to everyone.

It does boost you and your father’s sales so there is nothing to complain about. 

His boards are always alliterated just to sound super catchy and it works so long as he gets the right emoji. 

Kabuki plays better be promoted or else.

Filled with candid pictures of his victims all taken at different angles you didn’t know were possible and in varying degrees of hilariously misunderstood positions.

He even supplies a donation link, heavily leveraged by his followers, since there are incentives tied to it like early access.

A bit suspicious the photos look like cropped out parts from Koga’s posts and some of the text resembles Kuya’s... er... wisdom?

He takes an unholy amount of selfies when he thinks no one is looking and so they are always surprised upon finding them on the Selfie Board. 

There is a locked board that no one can access, even his followers who are his comrades in real life. 

It’s actually just one picture in there. 

It’s you smiling and giggling at a joke of his. Not even you know it’s been taken. Guess he is as soft as his fur, eh? He better come out soon or else.

Kuro

Kuroruohtumbling

Ginnojo is unfortunately just old enough to have grown up with Scooby-Doo to understand the reference.

Snapchat, like a snapping snake! Hiss!

Unironically loves the puppy face.

Ok, but the glimpses of his stunts help show snippets of the circus life. 

He and his whole troupe family will even don costumes best suited for certain filters.

Sometimes ropes in Ginnojo... and by sometimes, I mean enough for everyone to start wondering if the stoic man is part of the act. 

To be fair, he randomly hugs people and ranks them here.

You, of course, were number 1. 

Now, if only he didn’t use the bloody song to announce it but you forgive him.

Maybe even risks revealing his ayakashi form before deleting the message to you.

Loves making international fans and learning various languages through each post, sort of like flashcards but animated and more fun!

And with 1200 followers, he might become a polyglot like Koga.

Shizuki 

Everyone bans him from creating one. 

Because they know the power of his roasts is too great. 

Little do they know he goes undercover. 

Underground.

And under their noses.

That’s right. His rant town on... MySpace. 

Unapologetically uses a good chunk of his salary from serving the House of Yuri just to get nifty themes that help with the whole burning process. 

Look, there’s a reason he and Oji are friends. 

This is why. 

Their taste in women seems fine but we really have got to do something about their affinity towards DEAD PLACES.

To be fair, he made the whole thing drunk but that doesn’t mean he should maintain it SOBER.

He just feels that it is a waste of space if he doesn’t utilize it. 

And it also becomes kind of cathartic. From the intrusive hugs to his master and Sir Gaku irking each other to no end, he needs it. 

Zero followers... but only because it’s super private. 

It becomes 1 the moment you jokingly create an account. 

#ayakashi romance reborn #ayakashi rr #ayakashi aoi #Ayakashi: Romance Reborn #AyakashiRR #ayakashi ginnojo #ayakashi kuro #arr kuro #kuya #gaku #ayakashi kuya #kuro #arr kuya #kuya the tengu #ayakashi koga #koga kitamikado #arr koga #toichiro yuri #arr toichiro #ayakashi toichiro #toichiro the kitsune #arr shizuki #shizuki #ayakashi shizuki #arr aoi #aoi #ginnojo #ayakashi oji #arr ginnojo #Oji

[suicidalcatz]

DOG DAYS ARE OVER : CHAP 4

AN: Hello ! In this chapter we go on an investigation! But also we get closer to God Jake. I’m writing the 7th part at the moment, and I think the 8th one will be the end of my dream, but not of this fanfic. Let the fluff begin !

Pairing: Jake Kiszka x reader

Genre: College AU

Previous parts: Prologue ; Chap 1 ; Chap 2 ; Chap 3

Masterlist : here

Chapter four : Need a hand ?

It became obvious to both Mandy and I that I was starting to have a crush on Jake. How could I not ? For a far as we knew him, he was perfect in every way.

At first it was discreet. My new hobby of staring at him during lectures was unnoticed by both of the Kiszkas, or if Josh noticed something, he at least thought it was me waiting for his next paper ball notes and getting impatient. Regarding my class daydreamings, they weren't new so classmates and teachers didn't think much of it. Although it became very apparent something was up when I started unintentionally drawing his face several times in the workshop during portraits studies. Even though my photo reference was Kurt Cobain. It could've been easily mistaken for a very bad observation job (and it did), if it weren't for Mandy who saw me coming home after a long day with a painted 50x70cm Jake canvas under my armpit. Judging by my defeated look, she didn't address it, but she knew.

It's a few days later that we had that talk. It was getting so bad that I began mistaking people in hallways for him, smiling or even giggling to myself as I was remembering stuff he did or said, and again, drawing him.

- I can't focus on anything, I sighed defeated. I have this assignment due to next week and I can't draw any character right. I even dreamed of us doing grocery shopping.

I let my head bump loudly against the dining table as she made me a cup of tea/coffee and placed it in front of me. She knew perfectly how I felt because we all went through the same, that's why she softly pulled the chair opposite mine to sit and have a chat.

- You should talk to him more, get to know him, she encouraged. He's nice and now we sometimes hang out so it's not that weird wanting to know him better.

She was right. Sooner or later I'll had to talk to him and even tell him how I feel anyway. Not now though, it was too soon. I kind of got struck by lightning when I first laid my eyes on him and it got worse when we spoke, but it still rarely happened for people to fall instantly like that. There was no way he'd understand if I just confessed my feelings out of the blue. I should wait and see if there's any chance that my feelings are shared, because there was no way in hell I'd tell him if I wasn't sure I had a chance to date him. Speaking of which...

- Should I ask him out on a date?

As an answer, Mandy smacked my head accross the table with an empty box of biscuits.

- Are you out of your mind ? I just told you to wait ! I know you're impatient to get into his pants but think about all the times you rushed things and how many times it worked.

Raising my head to rest my chin against the plastic flowery tablecloth, I considered it, looking at her munching on chocolate biscuits, browsing a fashion magazine for inspiration. Defeated once again, I let out a sigh and shifted so my cheek was against the table.

- First of all, I don't want to get into his pants- Not yet. Second of all, you're right. I don't want to screw up this time because it'll be so awkward afterwards.

She closed her eyes and quickly nodded because she knew she was of good advice, as usual.

- You forgot something essential boo. You don't know if mister doe-eyed guitarist is single.

Fuck, that's right. Neither of them mentionned it but it's not something you just blurt out. We exchanged a look, and she grinned at me in a knowing way.

- Let's investigate.

The first thing to do was to go on his Facebook. It did seem a bit wrong searching him like that instead of asking straightforwardly, and as if karma thought the same, we found that his infos were set on private. We didn't even bother searching for instagram or twitter as nobody puts their real full names on these, so the second thing to do was to go on the field.

Despite all the departments, the school was small so buildings were close to each other and all communicated (except for the fashion workshop). I kind of knew where everything was, since you could tell just by looking at the people hanging around. And as cliché as it sounded, it was true. Illustration students were always carrying ridiculous amounts of art supplies. Entire bags of paint, books and pencil case in their backpacks, giant portfolio under an arm, A3 sketchbooks in the other, and somehow they still found a way to carry their coffee cups. Architecture, Carpenters and Furniture Design students were often seen with big mock ups and models in their arms, tools or wood. Photo and Fashion peeps were carrying the less stuff since they worked mainly on computers in the Photography dep and let all their mannequins and fabric either at home or in the Fashion workshop. It was as easy to spot dudes from the Music dep, with their guitar on their back, hanging around the Architecture building, smoking, chatting, and drinking soda or coffee.

Their building was near the park, so they were mostly seen in that area. And thank God because I would've look so stupid passing by purely « by chance » in an area where no one ever went except for the people who actually studied there. The park was great. A lot of us used to play ball, sit on the grass to drink, chat or have lunch. It was big enough that the Architecture jocks built some cabins in a corner of it to host parties. I still don't understand how the school allowed that, but anyway, the plan was simple, make a little detour to see if I could spot Jake.

It was so cold outside that students were just hurriedly passing by, quickly making their way inside where it was somewhat warm. As a result, there wasn't many people in the park at this hour of the day and I wondered if Jake was in the dorms or in class before catching a glimpse of his hair in the corner of my eye. Okay time to be discreet. I put my bag down near the trash to fake looking for something while watching him. Fuck he looked good with a scarf and head covered with a beanie. Aside from his looks, he seemed rather bummed. Passers by kept shaking him off as he tried to hand them yellow papers. Probably flyers.

- Jake, I'm taking 5 !

Some guy just beside me doing the same task called him loud and clear, and I think I just saw my life flash before my eyes when Jake turned around to reply and locked eyes with me. I instantly felt very dumb, crouched next to the trash with my hands on my bag. The mental image I had of myself at that very moment was that of a raccoon. Running away was out of the question since he was approaching my way already, one hand holding the flyers and the other in his jacket pocket.

- Hey.

- Hi, I replied without moving an inch.

- Need a hand ?

Shaking out of it, I got on my feet by myself and lied about just passing by. Karma really was a bitch, wasn't it ? Henceforth no more weird MI6 strategies for me. Avoiding staring at the blushed tip of his nose, I gazed at my hands and saw his in the process.

- Are you giving out flyers ?

- Oh yeah, for the Christmas school festival, but no one is either interested or invested in it unfortunately. It's a shame, I think it's gonna be great. I don't know what's holding them, he added while scratching his beanie, it's free and there's gonna be music and food and booze, what more could we need ?

To be fair I understood both parties. Jake was right but some students probably had exams or homework, and it was freezing and they were doing it outside. Well if we were honest it never stopped anybody from partying so maybe the event wasn't the issue.

- I saw people displaying posters, I remembered, can I see the flyers ?

Without missing a beat he handed them all to me and dear lord I almost got blind just by looking at them. That yellow and black and these awful drawings weren't doing anything good for the event. He must've saw it on my grimacing face because he sighed.

- That bad ?

- Honestly ? It looks like a Bee Movie add.

It actually made him let out a chuckle before puting a hand to his heart.

- That hurts.

That flawless smile made my cheeks burn, thank god they were already red because of the cold. His thumb brushed mine when I handed the flyers back to him, and at this moment I knew I was gonna act without thinking again, because my brain went on vacation the second his skin got in contact with mine.

- I can make you new ones, if you want.

His eyes searched for any traces of a joke on my face before realization hit him and his brows frowned lightly.

- Are you sure ? 'm not an expert but this looks like a lot of work.

As backup to his words, he shook the big bundle of paper between his fingers. Jake genuinely looked worried about me, and all the work it'd put me through. Deep down I knew there was a little voice in my head screaming that helping him only meant more sleepless nights but all the other parts of my brains ignored it when two gentle brown eyes stared at me with concern.

- It'll be fine, I assured with a smile. I'm working fast. I just have to do one design and the rest will be printed, right ? No big deal.

Hand on his hip, Jake let out what sounded like a relieved breath and cracked a smile.

- Thanks, I really appreciate it. Do you have a pen ?

Of course I did, I even got one on my coat pocket for some reason. Things I just forget to remove. He gave me the flyers for me to hold while he uncapped the black marker and took my free arm.

- I'm giving you my number, so you can text me if you're having troubles for the design, and show me some pics if you need advice.

With cold fingers, he gently grabbed my wrist and pushed back the fabric to expose my already shivering skin, and started writing numbers on my veins. It tickled, and I got goosebumps, mostly because of the cold wind but also because of his hand around my arm. The soft touch of his calloused fingers felt right on my skin, replacing the freezing feeling of his digits by a sweet wave of heat and I unconsciously held my breath to focus on the new sensation. He let the ink dry a bit before covering my arm again, raising his chin to meet my face.

- I could've write it on one of the flyers but I got a feeling you would've lost it, wouldn't ya ?

A playful smile danced on his face and once again I found myself mesmerized by him, nodding and chewing on my lip in a childlike manner. Jake tapped me on the shoulder to thank me again, saying he'll make it up to me, but I was too absorbed by the burning feeling of his skin on mine.

- I have to go, he said after sliding the marker back inside my breast pocket. My band's playing at the christmas party by the way, I hope you'll come!

#gvf fic #gvf x reader #gvf imagine #gvf fanfic #jake kiszka x reader #jake kiszka fic #jake kiszka imagine #josh kiszka fic #greta van fleet fic #greta van fleet imagine #greta van fleet #jake kiszka

[gettingtoknowmj]

A WARNING TO MICHAEL JACKSON FANS - MATT FIDDLES IS A PRESS RAT AND WAS NEVER MICHAEL'S BODYGUARD

Because of my Michael Jackson page I have been afforded communication with a man formally on Michael Jackson's security team. We have talked a number of times after something on my page made him contact me. I have all proof I need that he is the real deal. He has said I can post this message, encouraged it.

Now unlike some bodyguards that hung around MJ in his last years and have made money out of their association. This guy hasn't and doesn't plan to; he doesn't even really want his face and name known but he knew Micheal for a good number of years (but not after 2004). He loved the man he called complicated, sometimes frustrating but a true good heart. He does not claim the status of friendship but keen observer of his boss, who was mostly very kind to him. He saw Michael at the best and at his worst, and felt for him. And Michael Jackson was more vulnerable than I personally imagined.

And one thing he has definitely confirmed to me is not to trust Matt Fiddles (pictured). The man popping up all over the media claiming to have been Michael's bodyguard for ten years, he is a fake and a fraud. He did not guard Michael Jackson for more than a few days back in 2002. He was an associate of Uri Geller's not Michael's bodyguard! Michael agreed to help Geller on a project. When Michael came to England this Matt Fiddles agreed free of charge for Uri Geller to pose as a bodyguard for Michael Jackson.

The things Fiddles has been saying in the press of late on the face of it seem harmless, perhaps beneficial. Yes, he is coming across as a defender of Michael Jackson's honour. He could fool anyone, including me... he did! But this guy has said nasty stuff in the past. He has a dark history of slandering Michael Jackson. That older fans are choosing not to knowledge and newer fans don't know about...

This past week since getting the alert about Matt Fiddles I and a Facebook friend of mine have attempted to warn fans on various Michael Jackson groups only to have pending posts deleted before they can be seen! It seems some group owners are keen on Matt Fiddles.

Yes, I know some of you are probably thinking "but Matt Fiddles is defending Michael Jackson. He even took apart in Chase The Truth documentary where he debunked stuff to do with Neverland... I want to believe him, it makes me feel more assured of Michael's innocence. Matt Fiddles has even said how Michael was very interested in women, and sneaked women into his hotel room! I want that to be true". I hate to break it to you, I am sorry to say but Matt Fiddles never worked at Neverland nor was he a member of his tour security.

None of Michael's real bodyguards, including the lovely man on security I have talked to remember him at all. In fact, no sneaking in of any women happened on his watch. He just saw families touring with Michael with their kids. Some of them did share and sleep in same huge hotel room at times but so did a member of security (before anybody jumps to unpleasant conclusions). If he had secret girlfriends who knows maybe he did but Matt Fiddles was not there to know. Because nobody remembers him!

Michael's makeup artist Karen Faye doesn't remember Fiddles either, don't believe me? Ask her. She is easy to contact.

Michael's friend from child to man Frank Cascio has never heard of Matt Fiddles either.

The late Frank DiLeo was asked in 2009 about Matt... and you guessed it... never heard of him.

Michael's mother has also publicly outted Matt Fiddles as a fake in the past too. Yes, Katherine Jackson, Michael's own mother: “‘Fiddes tried to pretend that he was a close friend of my son Michael, but when I spoke to Michael about him, he could not remember who he was. The whole family was deeply upset by the interviews he gave shortly after Michael’s death, which no friend would have done.’

Trust me, if Matt Fiddles was a character witness he wouldn't be called in a legal case for Michael Jackson's defence.

MATT FIDDLES LIES YOU PROBABLY WERE NOT AWARE HE CREATED IN THE PRESS

NO NOSE LIE: Matt caused some of the crazy rumours that Michael Jackson had a fake nose for years and at time of death that fell off. When anyone that has read Michael's autopsy report (not a happy task, I don't recommend it) and can see from the photos (again really upsetting, not recommend...), his nose was actually fine at time of death...

It is true that he had a number of reconstructive procedures on his nose mostly due to complications caused by lupus (and even according to security man I am in communication with, did have a hole in tip at one time caused by that!) but he did not have a full on fake nose! EVER! And as I say, issues with his nose were fixed. No fake nose.

SKIN BLEACHING AND SELF RACE HATE: Matt Fiddles claimed Michael hated his skin colour so much he almost BURNED off his willy with bleaching creams. Autopsy report, Michael had a NORMAL uncircumcised penis (I feel bad for knowing these kind of details... truly no privacy but in good cause, sorry Michael!). Certainly not brunt off by skin bleaching creams. Autopsy also showed Michael was a longtime sufferer of vitiligo. Not race hate.

NAZI SYMPATHISER: Matt Fiddles has stated that Michael Jackson was obsessed with Nazis, had admired Hitler and hated Jews. Funny that Micheal should choose a woman of Jewish faith Debbie Rowe as surrogate mother in order that he could experience becoming a father, even to please his mother's religious beliefs married Debbie so the children could be born of wedlock (something very important to Witnesses). And Michael was at one time firm friends with a Rabbi and was best man at a Jewish wedding! He even donned a skull cap for it. And Michael lovingly recounted stories of dear Rose Fine, the Jewish tutor he’d had as a child whom he credited as giving him a lifelong passion for reading.

On a related note: Matt said Michael POKED holes in a voodoo doll he made of Steven Spielberg after the singer became a Nazi sympathiser, err? Yeah... imaginative.

MICHAEL ASKED BODYGUARDS TO SHOOT RANDY: Michael Jackson ordered his bodyguards to kill his brother Randy Jackson when Randy was in a dispute with Michael. This was supposed to have been said in front of Randy. A story his real bodyguards at the time say is laughable and Randy even released a statement that it never happened.

SPERM STEALING: Matt Fiddles has claimed Michael stole his sperm to father Blanket. On 17th November 2010 Matt Fiddes sold a story claiming that in 2 months (January 2011) he will be flying out to California to take a DNA test to establish that he is the father. He never did.

"He won't go to L.A., he has no intention!" Fiddes ex-girlfriend Carly Galliford said via Twitter. "He loves the attention, not caring about the Jacksons." Galliford (who claims she was with Fiddes when he came up with the baby-daddy tale) said that Fiddes admitted to lying about being Blanket’s father to her face, years ago.

In the interest of being fair and balanced it should be noted. There are many sources that claim Michael didn't father any of his children, some more credible than others (let's not go there, his private business... wouldn't change the fact he was dad). IF Michael didn't, you can be reasonably sure Matt Fiddles didn't either. Matt Fiddes was in Michael’s life for all of 5 minutes. He wasn’t Michael's close friend, he certainly wasn’t a confidant. It's highly unlikely that Michael chose Fiddles as a donor.

KILL MYSELF WITH SAME PILLS AS MICHAEL KILLED HIMSELF WITH: On 3rd December 2010 a story appears in the Sun claiming that the stress of putting himself forward as Blanket's father caused him to take an overdose of the same drugs Michael died from and that they were found in Michael’s body. Touching story, except Michael Jackson did not die from Soma tablets, none were found in his body or in his possession, and none has ever been associated with him. The most amusing aspect of this story is that he claims he was prescribed 5 of these tablets by a Michael Jackson doctor in 2002 and he’d stored them 8 years before finally using them. Soma aka Carisoprodol has a shelf life of 2 years, so I’d be curious as to what effects a drug that had expired 6 years before could do to a person, but maybe Matt could share that with us sometime.

HOUSES OF PARLIAMENT LIE: Matt said Michael FLEW into a rage when he was barred from buying the Speaker’s chair from the House of Commons to use as his “green throne”. To quote him: "He toured Parliament in 2002 and when the guide told him he could not buy this piece of British culture Michael exclaimed, ‘I am the King, the King of Pop’, before flying into a real rage.”

Funny that, the officials that gave Micheal the tour said he was lovely, funny and charming... making a joke how he'd like a chair like that. He didn't in anyway suggest actually buying the thing let alone fly into a rage, he was even invited to go for a chat with a mp afterwards. The main tour guide said Michael loved England and was genuinely in awe of the building and history. There is footage on one of the pay for press video footage sites documenting from moment Michael starts his guided tour to moment he leaves. I will see if I can recall which site and update with link. Proof this ranting at the guide event never took place. Only thing that is true is Matt Fiddles was there.

There is actually more but you get the picture... this is just some of the crazy stuff Matt Fiddles has said, all soon after Michael Jackson died of course, so he couldn't be sued. There’s no proof he even went to visit Michael at a perminant residance. There’s no proof he even went to Neverland.

Michael Jackson is nothing more than a lucrative business for Matt Fiddles, and he is now selling his “positive” stories to papers for cash and celebrity. Nothing more nothing less. Because being positive about Michael actually is selling better for him right now as not many people are brave enough to defend Michael.... a book will come next... as you can be sure he is trying to build up a base of MJ fans to sell it too! When/if his book comes out, you will know to take what he say's with a very large pinch of salt.

---

Note: Please don't ask or pm me requesting information on the security staff member I have been in communication with. Our conversations are to remain private. Do not press me to ask him questions he has said what he has had to say, what he wanted to share and won't share no more... I may for all I know never hear from him again, if I don't that is fine, I am touched and grateful for the tip bits of information he gave me and for the warning about Matt Fiddles. I will not give his contact details to anybody. Nor repeat anything he has told me without his utter consent. Other than what has already been ok'd.

#moonwalker #jackson #pop #michael jackson #mjinnocent

[covid19worldnews]

Tattered Christmas tree in Cincinnati dubbed a ‘metaphor for 2020.’ But some love it

The famously sad Christmas Tree from the beloved TV special “A Charlie Brown Christmas” is apparently real, and was installed this week at downtown Cincinnati’s Fountain Square.

Twitter screenshot

Cincinnati became the talk of social media Tuesday, after word spread it had erected a live version of the sad, tattered Christmas tree seen in the perennial “A Charlie Brown Christmas” TV special.

The tree — a twisted, gap-filled 65-foot Norway Spruce — showed up over the weekend at downtown Cincinnati’s Fountain Square. And it was quickly dubbed “a physical metaphor for 2020” on social media, with countless Charlie Brown memes and jokes about using toilet paper for tassel.

There has even been talk of a commemorative “terrible tree” T-shirt.

Fountain Square officials agreed the tree was less than ideal, posting on Facebook: “2020 has been a rough year for all of us, including our tree.”

Rather than give up on it, Fountain Square staff said they intended to make the tree “fluffed up and beautified” with decorations.

Some people suggested leaving it as is, however, to symbolize a bad year that included a pandemic, widespread civil unrest and a divisive presidential election.

“I love this tree, it has personality that’s fitting for 2020. Like a Charlie Brown Christmas tree,” Angela Honnigford posted on the Fountain Square Facebook page.

“I love everything about this. We all needed this tree,” Christen Maria wrote.

“Please keep it as is. It would make the perfect 2020 Christmas card. My family standing in front of it drinking directly from a box of wine would really sum up the year,” Laura Lukasik Pipitone posted.

Here’s what others are saying about the tree on social media.

Ok, Cincinnati needs Christmas magic before they light this year’s fountain square tree. It’s 2020, so maybe it was vandalism? Charlie Brown needed it for an episode? Emerald Ash Borer changed diets? Hope the ornaments and decorations can hide it.. @ShereeWLWT @WLWT @vogel_wlwt pic.twitter.com/SMKJP5ba6h

— MikeDardisWLWT (@MikeDardisWLWT) November 10, 2020

Who is in charge of picking Cincinnati’s Christmas tree? They should no longer have that responsibility. This thing looks awful. https://t.co/4TG0qhxWZm

— Alex Branscome (@branscome15) November 10, 2020

I feel like Cincinnati’s Christmas tree looks. Just throw some tinsel and lights on and let us be

— Kelly (@Kelly_Gretchen) November 10, 2020

Mark Price has been a reporter for The Charlotte Observer since 1991, covering beats including schools, crime, immigration, LGBTQ issues, homelessness and nonprofits. He graduated from the University of Memphis with majors in journalism and art history, and a minor in geology.

https://www.covid19snews.com/2020/11/11/tattered-christmas-tree-in-cincinnati-dubbed-a-metaphor-for-2020-but-some-love-it/

#covid19

[megaphonemonday]

hashtag blessed

approximately forever ago (I’m real slow filling these prompts in case none of you have noticed) @alwayskels sent me this: Ginny is pregnant with Bawson's first baby and her appetite is insatiable! It turns into a thing where like fans take pics with her at restaurants #EatWithBabyBawson. It's all one big joke in good fun. Mike and the team have a field day with it.

And I have wanted to do a multimedia fic for a long long time. I sensed my opportunity and took it. This was a labor of love and I’m actually really happy with the way it turned out. Hope you like it, too!!

read on ao3 | version with image descriptions

The fact that everyone, from bloggers to commentators to fans to people who’d never actually watched a game of baseball in their life, immediately read into Ginny’s placement on the 60-Day DL shouldn’t have been such a surprise. It seemed like every time Ginny so much as changed her coffee order, the public at large was eager to dissect and discuss the incident ad nauseam.

This was no different.

Another elbow strain. Tommy John for sure. She’s out for the season.

No, it’s just a jammed finger I think. They probably wanna make room on the roster, try out some of the newer prospects in AAA.

But did you see her favor her left hip last week? Her landing was off the entire game against the Rockies. It’s gotta be that.

And, of course: Well, what if she’s pregnant?

By far, that was the most popular explanation.

If it weren’t also 100% correct, Ginny probably wouldn’t be so annoyed about it all.

Then again, the sheer number of times a possible Ginny Baker pregnancy had been rumored and reported on—She walked out of a restaurant with her hand on her stomach? Pregnant. Had a less than stellar outing on the mound? Super pregnant. Sent Mike out to CVS to get tampons because she couldn’t be bothered to pull herself together enough to leave the house? Obviously trying to cover up the fact that she was, you guessed it: pregnant—someone had to hit on the truth eventually. 

It was cold comfort.

It’d be a little funny if it wasn’t her uterus constantly under such scrutiny. And if she hadn’t had all these hormones flooding her system for the past three months.

As it was, Mike was much better situated to find the humor in the situation. He was currently sitting by her side on the couch, one arm draped casually over her shoulders, reading out the responses he liked the most and counting the number of people who’d finally gotten it right. He could afford to find it all funny, though. He’d only been involved in the parts that were fun for them both.

Which wasn’t precisely fair, Ginny knew.

In the three or so weeks since Ginny’d told him the news, her husband had been on cloud nine. It wasn’t as if they hadn’t been trying for this in the general sense—they both wanted kids, but Ginny was still going strong and Mike was willing to wait—but they hadn’t put a lot of effort into it. (Aside from getting as much practice in the baby-making department as they could.) 

So, Ginny’d gone off to Spring Training, not once suspecting what might be forming somewhere behind her belly button.

Not until she couldn’t stop throwing up.

It was so bad, she’d had to skip a start. She’d told Al it was just the stomach flu, and even believed it. Only his skeptical smile and insistence on a doctor’s appointment made her wonder if it was something else.

Needless to say, the skipper’s suspicions paid off. She was pregnant. Nearly nine weeks along.

Ginny will never, as long as she lives, forget the look of awe and tender devotion that took over Mike’s face as she told him, shell-shocked and jittery and still happy as hell, that he was going to be a dad.

His hand came up to cup her cheek, and Ginny could feel the way his fingers trembled. Just like his lips as he swallowed, eyes shining. “I’m gonna be a dad?” he repeated, like he needed to hear it again, just to be sure.

She nodded, covering his hand with hers, and finally letting the brilliant, excited grin spread across her face. “Yeah,” she breathed, just before he crashed into her, his lips stretched just as wide as hers.

And how could she help but laugh when he wrenched himself away, his hands fluttering uncertainly near her stomach. “Shit! Are you all right?”

“I’m pregnant, not fragile,” Ginny promised, though Mike still looked doubtful. To prove her point, she pulled him back in and set about showing him how tough she was.

Since then, Mike had been pretty reluctant to leave her side. Which made the one road trip she’d been on something of an experience. He hadn’t been able to come up with a plausible reason to follow the team to New York and Philadelphia, but Ginny had no doubt that he’d really tried. He’d had to settle for hourly text updates, and when she was too busy to reply, pumping his former teammates as subtly as possible for information on her condition. Since more than one of those teammates asked when Mike had gotten such separation anxiety, Ginny figured he was semi-successful.

Which was why she knew that Mike was secretly relieved the team had elected to put her on the DL rather than risk complications.

If she was being honest, Ginny was relieved, too. Unexpected or not, she’d already grown attached to the little bundle of cells growing inside her. Much as she loved her job, she wasn’t as disappointed to give up a season as she’d once thought she’d be. Then again, after four seasons in the show, Ginny no longer had to battle and grind and push to keep her spot in the rotation. No, she’d probably never move much beyond her spot as the number five starter, but her ERA and win-loss record spoke for itself. She wasn’t going anywhere.

Even after a baby.

So, the public could speculate and take to Facebook and Twitter to talk about her all they liked. They couldn’t change the fact that Ginny Baker was living the dream: a starting pitcher in MLB, married to the love of her life, and expecting her first child. 

That was real. That was tangible, unlike all the talk currently flooding the internet. 

And real life, the life where Mike’s fingers were toying with her hair and she could smell their dinner simmering away on the stove, that was what mattered.

People said pregnancy was magical. 

Ginny had more than a few doubts on that front. 

Going into this, she had no illusions that her North Carolina public school sex education had been anything close to adequate. Which was why she’d set out to fill in the gaps in her understanding.

(Not the process of making the baby—she had plenty of experience with that, thank you—but what came after.)

And the more she read about pregnancy, with all its potential dangers and complications—the more horrified she became. 

“Did you read this?” she demanded throwing What To Expect When You’re Expecting on Mike’s cluttered desk. 

He peered at the book for a second before glancing up to her, his reading glasses slipping down his nose. Which just wasn’t playing fair. He knew how Ginny felt about his glasses. 

(In fact, it was potentially those exact feelings that would wind up taking all of Ginny’s research out of the realm of theoretical and landing it squarely in reality.)

“Which part?” he hedged, closing his laptop and giving her his full attention. 

That was one of the things about Mike. It didn’t matter how irrational Ginny knew she was being, he always treated her concerns and fears with nothing but complete gravity. And he never tried to talk her down without knowing what those concerns were. 

She swallowed. “All of it?”

“Not yet,” he answered honestly. “I kind of figured we had time on that front.” His eyes narrowed and darted down to her flat stomach before landing back on her face. “We do have time, right?”

“Yeah,” she laughed, which was apparently all she’d needed to let this pile of worries melt away for the time being. Ginny wouldn’t forget the things that’d scared her, but Mike was right. She didn’t need to worry about them now. “We’ve got time.”

But that was before she found out she was pregnant. 

In the after, Ginny had become remarkably zen about it all. Sure, she’d probably see pimples in places there hadn’t been since she was an acne-prone teenager and later she’d need to pee every fifteen minutes and the mood swings didn’t sound like a walk in the park, which was to say nothing about the changes she’d have to make to her diet, but—

(And it was a pretty big “but.”)

But at the end of it all, she’d have someone who was the perfect blend of her and Mike. Someone who was proof positive of how much they loved each other. Someone to add to their family. 

And that was a fair payoff for what Ginny would have to go through to get to that point, she thought. 

Just. She didn’t always have to be reasonable about it, did she?

In retrospect, Ginny would acknowledge that she could’ve been less dramatic. But her whole life, she hadn’t been able to eat cilantro without thinking about the time her pop washed her mouth out with soap for repeating the curse Evan Larson had taught her in pre-K Sunday School. Now, she nearly ate half of Livan’s sopes before he remembered to tell her he’d asked for extra of the disgusting herb. 

What the hell had pregnancy done to her taste buds?

She’d honestly thought Mike would find the story funny, maybe even figure out how to get it down to 140 characters so he could tweet about it. 

(He’d really gotten into social media post-retirement. Eliot had been more than delighted to give him a tutorial that first winter, and soon, Mike could give the best of them a run for their money. Privately, Ginny thought he mostly used it to avoid finishing the memoir he’d insisted on writing himself, but whatever made him happy.)

She certainly hadn’t expected him to send out a panicked group text to nearly every one of their friends and acquaintances asking if they knew of her whereabouts. Since she’d been in the clubhouse, trying to keep up appearances that this assignment to the DL was injury-related, approximately half her teammates came rushing into the dining area to check on her and make sure Livan wasn’t in the process of murdering her or something.

Since the Cuban was too busy laughing his ass off at Ginny’s distress, which, while rude as hell, wasn’t going to kill her, most of them wandered off to finish their pre-game prep. Still, not a single Padre had any desire for their former captain to burst into the clubhouse in a haze of Ginny-induced panic. As team captain, Blip took it upon himself to inform his predecessor that his wife and future offspring were fine and headed home.

It wasn’t that Ginny didn’t feel bad for worrying him, but she also felt he could afford to take a step away from the edge of constant panic. Some time after that haze of blissful anticipation wore off, Mike dove headfirst into preparation mode. He called it nesting; Ginny'd call it something else. Currently, he was in the midst of trying to baby-proof the entire house and refusing to believe that they didn’t need a toilet lock for at least six more months.

(Ginny did her best to distract him when he really got going, and while there was a certain novelty in being the calm and steady one now, there were only so many times she could lure him back to bed—or the couch or the shower—without raising his suspicions.)

So, she listened to her captain and went home to talk Mike down. After all, the team wasn’t wrong in assuming it was only a matter of time before Mike burst into his former domain, wild-eyed and terrified. 

When she walked in the door, it was to that exact sight. 

Mike had clearly been pacing a hole in the floor, his car keys clutched in one hand, like he didn’t quite trust Blip’s report and was fully prepared to rush out if Ginny didn’t make it home quick enough. Any exasperation she might have felt faded away at the palpable fear etched across her husband’s face.

The keys dropped to the floor when he caught sight of her. In no time at all, he had Ginny wrapped up in his arms, his face pressed into her hair as shuddering breaths wracked his frame. 

“I’m sorry,” she murmured, smoothing her hands up and down his back. The muscles there didn’t quite relax, so she rucked up his shirt, laying her palms against his warm skin. By degrees, his breathing evened out, all while Ginny promised, low and sure, “I’m fine. We’re fine.”

He nodded but didn’t loosen his grip on her.

“Are you okay?”

Mike nodded again, and Ginny felt the precise effort it took for him to make the high-wire tension of his muscles loosen, approaching something close to normal. She pressed a kiss to his collar bone and another to the base of his throat, waiting until he sighed. 

Finally, she tipped her head back to look him in the eye. There were still more than a few jitters clanging around somewhere in that head of his, but he looked far more settled than he had been. 

“The sky’s not falling, Mike. I’m not gonna tell you not to worry, but this is a good thing, what we’ve done. Let’s enjoy it.”

“Okay, Gin,” he said, nodding his agreement. He’d follow her calls for this. There was still a hint of uncertainty in his eyes, but his smile was steady. 

That was a start, and, with them, a start was all they needed.

After Ginny asked Amelia to issue a statement about the impending addition to the Baker-Lawson family, she sort of expected to be done publicly talking about the state of her uterus. 

She was pregnant. She and Mike were very happy about it. She and the developing fetus renting out her womb for the next however many weeks were healthy. 

What else did anyone need to know?

How she’d ever deluded herself, Ginny would never know because within minutes of the statement going live, the news had exploded across the internet. It probably didn’t help that it wasn’t just ESPN and Fox Sports reporting on it. No, gossip sites and blogs had picked it up, too, and run with it.

Which was to say nothing about Twitter. 

All it took for people Ginny had never heard of, people she’d never meet or even pass on the street, to weigh in on her pregnancy was a valid email address and an internet connection. 

And they were all led by none other than her husband and his crusade to make #BabyBawson a thing.

If Mike was disappointed that she’d nixed all of his social media-based pregnancy announcements, he’d gotten over it quickly. He didn’t respond to every congratulatory tweet, but only because it was an impossible task. As soon as he’d get done with the last of them, a hundred more would’ve been posted. 

When Ginny’d asked him to enjoy the ride, she was pretty sure this wasn’t what she meant. 

But, he was happy, and it was hard to argue with that. 

In fact, a lot of people were happy about this baby. People were excited for her, which was a gratifying change from the usual reaction when Ginny’s name was in the news. 

It was pretty overwhelming, too, if Ginny was being honest. Overwhelming enough that she mostly elected to stay off social media. 

If only her friends had gotten the memo.

Not that Ginny even minded Evelyn sharing this. It was different when it was her closest friend sharing her excitement.

Ever since she first found out, Evelyn had been her rock. Evelyn was her only good friend who was also a mom. She was the only person Ginny could talk to about all the changes her body was going through or about what to expect next.

After the requisite congratulatory hugs and celebrations and check ins, Evelyn Sanders got down to business, peppering Ginny with enough information to make her head spin. Everything from the various pros and cons of a midwife versus a doula to the nitty gritty details of breastfeeding to the best yoga positions to keep her back from getting too sore once she'd swelled up like a blimp was laid on the table.

“Oh, and we still have all the parenting and pregnancy books, so don’t worry about buying those, either.”

Ginny laughed, the weight of keeping this secret from her best friend lifting off her shoulders. “Ev, the boys are twelve! Were you just waiting for this moment?”

“Yes,” she responded immediately, setting Ginny off again. “I tried to donate them once, but Blip snuck them out of the box like I wouldn’t notice. I don’t think he’ll mind them going to you two, though.”

Blip hadn’t quite given up the dream of a baby girl Sanders, but he’d gotten much more philosophical about it all. With Ev back in school, and getting her business up and running, he could admit that the past few years wouldn’t have been ideal timing to add on to the Sanders clan. Anyway, he and Evelyn were still young; they had time.

Maybe—just maybe—by the time Mike and Ginny were done with the books, Blip and Ev would need them again.  

After all, it'd be kind of nice for their families to have two generations and three sets of best friends.

So, the fact that Evelyn was ecstatic for her, that was nice to know, nice to have everlasting proof of, even if the world got to know about it, too.

And anyway, Evelyn’s online exuberance didn’t have anything on Mike’s.

He was an excited first time dad. How could Ginny blame him? 

Honestly, though, it didn’t bother her that people were talking about her. Not really. Sure, it was one thing for her husband and friend to talk about how excited they were and an entirely different one for a stranger to do it. That was more than a little strange, but she’d mostly accepted that that kind of attention was a part of her life now; ever since Ginny first started making waves in the minors, people had been talking about her. If she let it bug her, she’d never get anything done. 

Just, she didn’t particularly want to deal with it herself. 

So, she did her best to shrug off her clogged notifications on Twitter and Instagram and go about the business of growing another person inside of her. 

And, lately, fending off some of the truly ridiculous cravings that had taken over her refrigerator and life. 

The cravings, when they came, were no surprise. Remember, Ginny’d done her research. If anything, she’d been looking forward to them. Someone who’d already enjoyed her food, Ginny looked forward to a period of judgment-free eating. After all, was eating banana peppers on everything for a week straight that much stranger than some of the “health” foods her trainer had tried to convince her to eat?

She knew what Mike would say, but the little disagreements were what made a marriage interesting.

But while Ginny—and Mike, who had cheerfully taken on the sudden increase in grocery store runs—took these cravings in stride, the same couldn’t be said for the public at large.

Ginny’d always liked food and had never bothered to pretend she didn’t. But, since she was a woman in the public eye, this was often treated as some sort of alien anomaly. People always wanted to know what she was eating: her game day meals, what she had on cheat days, secret diet tips. 

Of course her cravings were no different.

Between Ev and Mike, people had definitely clued in and picked up on the fact that Ginny had really settled into the inexplicable cravings stage of pregnancy. There was tons of advice pouring in from all over the world. How to deal with it and what to do when they were impossible to sate. It was all incredibly sweet, even if Ginny couldn’t sympathize with the impulse to send a total stranger pregnancy advice.. 

Less sweet—more puzzling—was how invested people continued to be in these cravings of hers. 

In retrospect, it shouldn’t have been so surprising that run of the mill pregnancy cravings had become such a fixation for people. The public at large was hungry for details—#BabyBawson had trended at least three times—that Mike and Ginny just weren’t providing. Since they’d chosen not to find out the sex of the baby, debates about possible names or future careers were too theoretical to keep anyone’s attention, and even though her and Mike’s relationship had caused something of a stir when they first went public, they’d now settled hard into boring domesticity. Well, Ginny wouldn’t call it boring, but she could see how cozy dinners at home and trips to the farmers market didn’t exactly make for riveting news.

Aside from Mike’s unbridled excitement, the only information anyone really had about Ginny’s pregnancy were the cravings. Where else would all that curiosity fixate?

It wasn’t until she came across Mike taking a picture of their grocery list, though, that Ginny realized just how fixated it was. 

He frowned down at the pad of paper sitting on their kitchen table, next to the neglected bags of groceries and his keys. As Ginny started putting things away, approvingly noting that he’d anticipated her sudden desire for Nutella and bananas on toast, Mike squinted up at the overhead light and shifted, his shadow moving away from the table. 

“What are you doing?” she asked, already unscrewing the jar. Why wait for toast, anyway? A spoon was good enough. 

“Taking a picture,” he replied absently. 

Ginny rolled her eyes, not that Mike noticed. She drifted over to his side and propped her chin on his shoulder, peering down at the phone in his hand. 

“Are you seriously posting our grocery list to instagram?”

“Our third grocery list this week,” he corrected, bumping her hip with his, but failing to dislodge her. 

Ginny just laughed, leaning harder into his side. She didn’t pay much attention as he picked his filter and fiddled with the settings; she was too busy planning on getting him back in bed for an afternoon nap. When he made a satisfied noise, though, she turned her attention back to the screen and couldn’t help but laugh again.

“What?” Mike asked, grinning down at her. 

“Our unborn baby does not need two hashtags. It doesn’t even need one!”

He laughed, too, and kissed her forehead. “That’s not what the internet thinks, Gin,” he said, and sent the picture out into the world.

Whether he meant to or not, with just one post, Mike set off a verifiable social media movement. Seriously, when Eliot looked into it, he couldn’t help but be impressed by how quickly the hashtag took off.

The one time she brought herself to look at the search results, it was mostly full of people talking about how cute it all was, how excited Mike was about her pregnancy. 

Ginny couldn’t disagree.

He was cute. Ginny’d lost track of the number of pictures of onesies and maternity shirts he’d texted her, mostly without comment but the intent clear. Still, she had every single one saved in a folder on her phone. Going to Target with him had become next to impossible since he always ended up in the baby aisle, staring in awe at all the tiny shoes and blankets and toys. 

If Ginny’d thought about it, a picture of that—bearded, take no shit Mike Lawson undone by the sight of some baby essentials—would’ve blown #EatWithBabyBawson out of the water. 

As it was, she liked getting to keep that part of him all to herself. 

Even if the internet was blowing up with her eating habits as fast as Mike could supply them. She’d leave the social media stuff to him.

But then her teammates had to go and get involved. 

Technically, there was no reason for Ginny to keep going into Petco. She wasn’t actually injured. It wasn’t like she had to check in with the team trainers or make sure she was keeping up with her workouts. Which she was; Ginny might be taking more naps than she was used to, but even pregnancy couldn’t completely erase her practically boundless energy.

Then again, she’d spent her entire adult life in and out of stadiums. It didn’t feel right to be anywhere else during baseball season. 

Her teammates were generally pretty good about her and her growing baby bump’s presence in the clubhouse. There were enough dads on the team that no one hassled her.

Well, not in ways she couldn’t take.

Ginny didn’t care what anyone said. That omelette was delicious. She even got Jean-Luc to try it and in spite of his refined Parisian sensibilities, he’d admitted she was on to something. 

So had every Padre that she’d convinced to take a bite. 

Which was, admittedly, a pretty small group. Not that she could blame them considering how territorial she’d been over her bag of Funyuns the other day. Sonny was just too busy smarting from the way she’d smacked the snack out of his hands to admit to her culinary genius.

And really, they were just lucky she hadn’t shown up with the peanut butter and olive kick she’d been on the week before. 

In protest, Ginny resolved to steer clear of the clubhouse for a while. See how much they liked having the clubhouse menu go back to skinless chicken breasts and steamed vegetables every meal. They’d beg to have her back in no time flat.

Habit was a hard thing to break, though, and the following day, Ginny found herself back at Petco Park. Frowning, she stared up at the familiar facade outside the players’ entrance. She couldn’t go inside. Not if she wanted to teach her ungrateful teammates a lesson. 

So, rather than winding her way to the clubhouse, deep below the stands and concession booths, Ginny decided to stay well above ground. Cheerfully, she circled around to the front gates, calling Eliot as she walked.

It’d been a long time since she’d actually had the chance to sit and watch a game; she might as well take advantage of the opportunity. And since Mike was knee deep in edits to his memoirs, Ginny figured her beleaguered social media manager was the perfect recipient for her second standing ticket. 

After all, she’d put him through quite a bit lately. Even though Ginny still replied to the tweets and Instagram posts from her friends and teammates and whoever else Eliot deemed appropriate on her own, he took care of the rest. 

And the rest was substantial.

Technically, this was well above his pay grade. As Vice President of New Media in the Slater Management Group, monitoring one client’s social media presence should’ve been well beneath his notice. But Ginny didn’t quite trust the horde of interns and associates Amelia’d hired to form the base of her sports agency empire. 

And anyway, Eliot was a bit of a pushover. Supply him with enough snacks, and he’d do anything.

Ginny wasn’t exaggerating. She really could only go so fast, which was its own adjustment to make. In spite of all the eating she’d been doing, she hadn’t put on a ton of weight. It was the bump that slowed her down. Practically overnight, it’d blown up, delighting Mike who already had a hard time keeping his hands off her.

Where before she’d been able to hide the swell in loose tops and baggy sweatshirts, there was now no denying that Ginny Baker had been knocked up, and Mike couldn’t be any more smug about it. 

“You popped,” he grinned, coming up behind her as she frowned at her reflection in the mirror. This shirt had fit just last week. How was it pulled so tight now?

His hands landed on the fullest part of her belly, and Ginny couldn’t even bring herself to roll her eyes. Instead, she turned slightly to the side to better observe the molehill that’d become something of a mountain. 

“I guess I did,” she finally laughed, leaning back against Mike. “It’s not so bad, right? I mean, as long as I don’t get bigger.”

Wishful thinking. 

That’d been a few weeks ago and it seemed like all Ginny’d done since then was get bigger.

She didn’t feel slow per se, but she was suddenly so much more conscious of how she had to navigate spaces. Not only did she have to escape the grasping hands of strangers—Seriously, what about a pregnant woman’s stomach made people so eager to reach out and touch?—she had to plan her routes differently, allow herself more time to make it from Point A to Point B. Ginny could no longer slip through crowds or skip down the stadium stairs without a second thought. Maybe Mike and his worries had rubbed off on her, but she was conscious of every step she took now, careful in the extreme.

If some of her teammates were more than willing to poke fun at her for this, Ginny didn’t really mind. 

After all, she was more than capable of getting them back.

(Like he could’ve said anything else when she knew exactly where he slept. Still, Ginny made sure he knew exactly how happy his response had made her the first chance she got.)

And he didn’t keep his petty vengeances to the internet, either.

He did look to it for his inspiration, though.

During the All-Star Break, for those Padres unlucky enough to neither be selected to the team nor have any real plans to get out of it, Mike hosted what he named: “Top Chef: Not-So All-Stars.”

He thought it was funny, at least.

It was less a cooking competition than an excuse to make his former teammates come congratulate him on his impending fatherhood and bring food along with them.

Ginny did taste test every dish, though. Less because she wanted to rank them and more because she wanted to see what their wives and girlfriends had to put up with on a regular basis. 

Either being pregnant was messing with her tastebuds more than she’d thought, or her teammates were less of a disaster in the kitchen than she’d expected. Nearly every single one of them produced something that Ginny wouldn’t mind eating. Most of it even passed Mike’s more exacting standards. 

“Did you seriously make Lorena eat this last time she was pregnant?” he asked Salvi, peering suspiciously at the casserole dish. 

“Make her? It was all she’d eat for four days straight. I though I was going to have to invest in Ore-Ida to keep enough tater tots in her house to keep her and the boys fed.”

Mike still looked skeptical. 

“Just try it, old man,” Ginny teased, already trying to decide which of her teammates’ cooking she was going to try next. Omar’s ropa villeja looked pretty promising. “Or Salvi’s gonna think you’re chicken.”

When the first baseman started clucking under his breath, Mike swept a mutinous glare between him and his wife, who definitely wasn’t holding in a burst of laughter, and scooped a heaping forkful into his mouth. After a long moment of thoughtful chewing, he swallowed and pronounced, “That was disgusting.”

Ginny didn’t bother reining in her laughter after that. 

It wasn’t just her teammates and friends that got in on the fun, though. Ever since Mike had created #EatWithBabyBawson, people had been adding to it like crazy. Eliot always made sure to tell her when it trended in San Diego. 

Which was essentially every other day.

Mostly, it was people documenting their sightings of Ginny in the wilds of the city, creating a spotty map of her movements and the evolution of her cravings from day to day. 

Needless to say, as Ginny’s food swings (as Evelyn had taken to calling them) rolled on and on, there were many points of data to add. Hundreds of little incidents between Ginny and fans, all documented for posterity on social media.

And Mike encouraged them. 

If they were approached in a restaurant and Ginny was feeling up to it, he always cheerfully took a picture of his wife and her fan and often even sweet talked his way into getting a copy of the photo for himself. Ginny wasn’t unconvinced he wasn’t saving them in a scrapbook somewhere. 

He certainly had more than enough material. 

If Ginny wasn’t feeling up to it, though, Mike was the best buffer in the world. Even if he weren’t naturally charming, he’d learned over his close to two decades in the show how to interact with fans, how to joke and cajole and make a stellar first impression without doing all that much. It was one of the things Ginny admired about him. While she could fake her way through any number of uncomfortable interactions, Mike hardly ever got uncomfortable in the first place. He was too easy in his skin for that. 

Either way, the sheer number of positive Ginny-and-Mike interactions with the citizens of San Diego certainly had to be laid at Mike’s door. The bigger Ginny’s belly grew, the testier she got.

While she was always grateful for fans and their support, she was more than happy to leave their appeasement to Mike. After all, he wasn’t the one growing a whole new person. 

And he was more than happy to take that responsibility. Especially since it meant he got to trawl the internet for more fodder for the scrapbooks he swore he wasn’t making.

He showed the last one to her as they sat in bed at the end of a long day at the beginning of August. There were still two months to go until Ginny’s due date, but she couldn’t imagine getting bigger. Lying flat and looking down her body, she couldn’t see her toes unless she lifted one swollen ankle into the air. Which she did to frown at how fat her feet had gotten. 

She paused in this endeavor, though, when Mike waved his tablet at her. Ginny obligingly took it and skimmed over the story. When she was done, she handed it back and informed him, “I don’t even wanna know how you find this stuff.” 

“Then I won’t tell you,” he replied, prompt, before raising one eyebrow at her. The grin on his face had her melting even before he teased, “Sounds like someone’s got a crush on you. Should I be worried?”

Laughing, even as a little foot drummed away inside her belly, Ginny teased, “As long as you don’t cut off my animal style fries like you did all my cheese plates.”

“Listeria’s no joke, Baker.”

She waved him off, but plucked one hand from his tablet and laid it low against her stomach. What only a few months ago had been a slight flutter against her insides had become a definite kick. Mike’s face lit up and he abandoned his device and scooted down the bed so he could press his ear to the dome of her belly. Ginny watched fondly, even when the kicks shifted to her kidneys. 

“Once this thing’s out of me, I’m eating so much brie, Lawson,” she promised. 

“I’ll buy up all the cheese in France if that���s what you want,”

“And the wine, too?”

“So greedy,” he laughed, lifting up so he could press a kiss against her smiling mouth. When he pulled away, he said, “Whatever you want, Gin. It’s yours.”

“Just you. Just you and this one,” she said, laying her hand back against her stomach, right next to his. 

“Sounds good to me.”

By the end, Ginny wouldn’t say that she completely understood the dynamics of #EatWithBabyBawson, but she’d also accepted that that was okay. It didn’t matter that she had no clue what most of these people got out of it. 

There was something, and it didn’t matter that she was on the outside of it.

What she did know was how lucky she and her unborn baby were to have so many people in the world who cared so deeply about them. These were good people who wanted only the best for her and her family, and were trying to make sure, in whatever small ways they could, that she had an easy pregnancy.

(And if she got some excellent restaurant recommendations out of it, that was just a bonus.

Ginny’d be lying if she said she didn’t go out and try each and every one of these. They did not disappoint, either.)

So while her cravings had settled down and she was back to mostly eating like herself, she still appreciated the fact that people took time out of their day to worry about her. 

These were good eggs. Ginny didn’t completely understand them, but she was grateful for them nonetheless.

Which was why, even minutes after her water broke, while Mike dashed around the house collecting her go bag and going through his three separate checklists, Ginny sat down at the kitchen table. 

Waiting at her place was the snack she’d just made for herself. Nothing fancy— the opposite of fancy, in reality—but she’d really been looking forward to eating it. Maybe it was the prospect of her own child’s nearing due date, but Ginny’d been thinking about her own childhood lately, and an after school classic sounded delicious. 

She was just coming back to the table with a glass of water when she felt something wet spill down her legs. 

Frowning at the still full glass, reality didn’t set in until Mike cursed behind her. 

“Did your water break?” he asked, faint. 

“I think it did,” she replied. 

And he was off, leaving Ginny to contemplate her uneaten snack.

Mike rushed back into the kitchen, looking pale and eager and vaguely nauseous, just as Ginny fished her phone from her pocket and gingerly eased into her waiting chair.

“Ginny, what are you doing?” he demanded, sounding like he’d love nothing more than to pick her up bodily and deposit her in the car so they could dash off to the hospital. 

“Taking a picture,” she snarked back. Her fingers flew over the keyboard as Mike shifted impatiently at her side. Once everything was just how she wanted, she tapped the screen one last time and sent the picture out into the world. 

Only then did she turn to look at Mike and, with a smile, say, “What are you waiting for? Let’s go have a baby.”

#Bawson fic #Bawson #Pitch #Pitch fic #i wrote something #slash it should also be #i made a thing #like why was a fic this photoshop intensive? #because i wanted to do the Most™ #that's why #it was fun though #i don't recommend reading this on mobile #thanks to everyone who #made sure i didn't have to come up with #usernames

[news-mashable-yahoopartner-blog]

Is it OK to be 420 friendly on main?

It's 4/20 baby!!! It's Saturday, you're lit, brain perfectly calibrated to toasted, sparking your joy, blowing smoke rings so on point it feels criminal not to share on your Instagram story.

But something stops you from posting. And it probably sounds like the voice of your D.A.R.E. teacher yelling about how posting pictures of pot online can get you arrested and ruin your career.

"Even if you just post one picture, it comes back," said Anjela, who is very much not a D.A.R.E. teacher. Preferring to keep her full name separate from her online weed-sona, she's better known as Koala Puffs, a weedfluencer with over half a million Instagram followers. 

"You gotta be sure that's where you wanna take your life before you post. Because you have to be able to take on the judgement that's gonna come with expressing yourself."

View this post on Instagram

Caution, it gets gross 😖😖... I knew I messed up as soon as I put them in.... 😂😂 Old school and new school @stiiizy join powers to get snot out of me in the fastest way 😭😭😭😭

A post shared by Koala Puffs 🐨💨 (@koala.puffss) on Mar 12, 2019 at 1:59pm PDT

You'd think that in the year of our lord 2019 we'd have moved past the taboo of being 420 friendly on main. Cannabis decriminalization across the U.S. is at an all-time high, along with the general population's support for further legalization.

Yet while many of us are passing the blunt (or at least not harshing people's buzz) IRL, the stigma around talking openly about cannabis online remains. 

Elon Musk got the not-so-dank wake up call when he started posting vague (awful) 420 jokes on Twitter, culminating in a smoke sesh no one wanted or asked for that landed him and his company in hot water. Musk also drank alcohol on the same podcast, though, and no one cared two shits about that part.

And if Musk, a person with endless Fuck You Money and fame, doesn't have enough privilege to protect himself from online pot-shaming, who among us mortals does? Not even weed influencers can post to Twitter, Instagram, YouTube, or Facebook without facing repercussions that feel like we're stuck in 1998.

The cost of a pot-sona 

In early 2018, YouTube went on what appeared to be a marijuana-based purge, deleting and giving strikes to swaths of weed influencers' channels. Soon after, it started happening on Instagram. While both companies cited community and user policies about depicting, smoking, and selling drugs on their platforms, others theorized that the crackdown pertained more to advertisers' trepidation after a litany of unrelated scandals from big names like Pewdiepie and Logan Paul. 

But by and large, the fear of being publicly weed-friendly on social media isn't about getting banned. It relates to the unique stigma of making cannabis part of your online persona.

Koala Puffs said the nine months after she quit her corporate job to pursue cannabis influencing was the hardest in her life. Her family, friends, boyfriend, and her boyfriend's family couldn't get behind her pro-bud rebranding.

"Nobody changed their minds until I was 200,000 followers deep," she said. But to this day her mom still thinks she's just outgrowing a college phase.

"I 100 percent still experience stigma from within my family," said Arend Richard, who went from 420 YouTuber to cannabis CEO after launching The Weedtube, a weed-friendly alternative to YouTube that's releasing a new app Saturday in response to the crackdowns. Granted, the weed stigma in his family is only exacerbated by their larger difficulty in accepting another aspect of his identity as a gay man. 

"But I will say, if you want your family to not judge you for using cannabis, just start a cannabis company, and get it written up in Forbes," he joked.

SEE ALSO: OK, everybody: Stop pot-shaming Elon Musk

Since taking on the business side recently, though, even Richard went back and deleted over 200 posts from his Instagram. Because legitimate cannabis businessmen also need to avoid the stereotypes associated with the stoner label, which seems to stick like glue in an age when social media signifiers define so much of how other people perceive you.

Reefer gladness

Particularly, Richard doesn't like to post himself in the actual act of smoking, even though a tutorial video teaching people how to smoke was what first began his path into cannabis influencing. That conscious curation is part of a larger shift in how people are expressing their cannabis use online.

"At first, over-consumption was kind of the game in the cannabis industry to get a following. You just did The Most," said Richard. 

When total prohibition was the law of the land in America, seeing copious amounts of weed, bongs, and blunts was an exciting novelty. But now it's possible for just about anyone with enough money in certain states. 

"We're in the biggest change in trends for online cannabis communities right now, moving more toward positivity and less toward over-consumption," said Richard.

Cannabis/beauty/wellness influencer and yoga instructor Brittany Tatiana (or sweettatas) quite literally embodies this positivity movement, by normalizing weed as a lifestyle choice on social media.

She got into weed influencing after a car accident left her with chronic pain. Unable to go back to her corporate job for six months, weed became her best alternative to the opioids doctors prescribed. At the time she'd already began dabbling with modeling and beauty influencing, building a following and doing promotion with a few brands.

But then she made the fateful decision to take the leap into letting her 420 flag fly. "I guarantee you I lost jobs and contracts because of it. Immediately," she said.

"It's been hard for me to represent my full self and not have people judge me based on what they see in one post," Tatiana said. Straddling the more commercial beauty industry and the cannabis-friendly world is like walking a tight rope.

"It's been a real battle with friends and brands. It's a fine line to cross. So I just try to be conscious about what I post."

Tatiana hesitates to post herself smoking too, for example. But overall, "it basically comes down to a day-to-day, case-by-case basis. Am I OK with how this post represents me? Do I believe in it? Would I want my younger self to post it? Is this true to who I am?"

She decides whether or not to post by thinking of her weed habits almost like a diet, or any other wellness lifestyle activity. Would she post a picture of a smoothie because it feels good and is part of her wellness regimen? Is that also the case for her marijuana-related post? 

View this post on Instagram

Grateful and riding the high from yesterday’s 420 Live! Still time to tune in... @hightimesmagazine #wcw (watch their live stories before 420pm today) w/ host @jenaealt and guests @sanctuaryfw 🔥 #grateful #sweettatas #cbd #hightimes . . . Use my code SWEETTATAS on @cannasmack 🌿 @organicflame 🌿 @foriawellness to receive sweet 420 discounts.

A post shared by Brittany Tatiana (@sweettatas) on Apr 11, 2019 at 10:36am PDT

"It comes down to choosing how you're gonna show it, and what cannabis means to you," she said.

But the risk is always there, especially since the stoner label seems to dominate any other way you define yourself. 

"I worry in general that it'll put me in some sort of box that I don't want to be in. Even though these days, it's becoming a way bigger box."

That caution should be part of everyday people's process for posting 420-friendly stuff on personal social media channels, too — regardless of whether or not they live in legalized states like the influencers we talked to.

The legal case against legalized marijuana

Because any career development expert will warn you that companies do look at your social media before hiring. There have also been a few cases of people getting fired in legalized states like Colorado for using medical marijuana even when they're not on the job.

A 2015 survey from the Society for Human Resource Management found that a vast majority (94 percent) of HR professionals with employees in legalized states still have formal policies against cannabis, with 73 percent in medical marijuana states and 82 percent in recreational states characterizing them as zero tolerance.

This strict approach might be showing signs of changing since 2015, though. More recent suggestions from the HR group advise companies to handle weed in the workplace with more nuance and care. 

It me.

Image: vicky leta / mashable art team

"We've yet to see robust employment protections be adopted across legal markets regarding an individual's cannabis consumption," said Justin Strekal, federal lobbyist at the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws. But there are some emerging cases, like a recent ruling in Massachusetts that sided with an employee suing his company for wrongful termination over medical marijuana.

Still, posting about weed is far more penalized in the workplace than, say, a post about happy hour with your coworkers.

When it comes to criminal persecution, aside from the occasional headline-worthy case, "there's not an epidemic of law enforcement arresting individuals for posting about marijuana online," said Strekal. 

"But that still doesn't change the fact that it's their legal right to arrest an individual for smoking cannabis, especially in criminalized jurisdictions. And if you post evidence publicly that could be used against you in a court of law, you are volunteering evidence against yourself," he said. 

Even if the police aren't out to get you, those kinds of posts can add fodder to other legal battles, like child custody. And looking at the racial divides for how marijuana is prosecuted in the real world, it's likely that some of those biases translate into who's more likely to get away with posting about weed, too.

"The application of law enforcement when it comes to cannabis is clearly racist. Full stop," said Strekal, pointing to the ACLU's famous report on how the war on marijuana is racially biased. The 2015 report found, "marijuana use is roughly equal among blacks and whites, yet blacks are 3.73 times as likely to be arrested for marijuana possession."

That also tracks with the general demographics of 420-friendly influencers which, at a cursory glance, tend to be disproportionately white and often female. 

Largely, the answer to whether you should be open about weed through your online persona depends on who you are. Beyond profession, local marijuana rules, and your age, your IRL community is another major factor in determining whether or not it's OK. Because, as Strekal pointed out, social media is mostly regulated by algorithms and abuse reports. 

"So the biggest question an individual needs to ask themselves is how are my friends going to respond to this? Is my social bubble going to report this as abuse to these platforms?"

Tatiana agreed, saying that, "If you live in a community of churchgoers, they won't respond well. And it's going to get around. So it's really a question of who you are, what you're willing to stand up for."

Taking the hit, for a cause

Interestingly, though, despite all these risks, repercussions, and cautions, lots of people still do get 420 friendly on main anyway. Just search 420 on your preferred social media platform. You'll find plenty of weed content.

Let the good vibes roll.

Image: vicky leta / mashable art team

And an overwhelming majority of those posts will be positive, much like what researchers found when they tracked attitudes towards marijuana on Twitter between 2013 and 2016. 

Anecdotally, it feels as if we all live under the hazy threat of social media leading to pot-shaming or worse in the real world. But statistically, positive social media chatter around bud just keeps getting danker.

That is the fundamental tension with cautioning people against sharing their weed consumption. While people should remain mindful of the repercussions, the truth is that fighting the stigma largely takes place in social spheres like Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook. At least that's what some recent studies found, suggesting a link between positive social media and support for legalization.

Let's be real

"People are making a point to be more open about it because they're done with that shit. We can all see it for a lie now. And posting, like, 'I'm smoking this joint,' or 'my mom takes CBD pills' — that's people taking back their power. That's sending a message in and of itself," Tatiana said.

As we all know, social media is never a perfect reflection of the world as it is. Like the #FOMO travel pics that dominate your Insta feed, posting is about creating a collective ideal.

Until marijuana is legalized on the federal level, no one can tell you it's perfectly OK to be 420-friendly on main. At the same time, changing public perception by normalizing weed online just might be how we keep the wave of support for decriminalization and legalization alive.

Solving the issues around being weed-friendly online is a chicken and egg problem — or rather, a bud and the flower problem. Because in the world of social media, pretending we all don't smoke weed is so damn tired — but wishing everyone on your feed a happy holidaze is totally wired.

WATCH: Kim Kardashian wants a 'zen-like CBD-themed' baby shower

#_author:Jess Joho #_uuid:090d9743-2c32-3154-9355-4a6cdc950975 #_category:yct:001000002 #_lmsid:a0Vd000000DTrEpEAL #_revsp:news.mashable

[mrbronzeskull]

Lmao answer them all and good luck ;)

I’m reblogging this, sans readmore, as it was brought to my attention that for at least one person, everything under that just didn’t show up. I humbly beg forgiveness for putting such a huge chunk of text on everyones dash.Spacey, you cheeky sod. I swear this is like the second time you’ve done this. (I both love and hate you for it) Here we fucking go: THIS TOOK AN HOUR AND A HALF TO DO 

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?I don’t exactly get physical with folks so I have to assume it was my ex, several months ago.2. Are you outgoing or shy?Shy, Bi and ready to die3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?@gpumidnazora​, some day.4. Are you easy to get along with?I guess so? Not very argumentative, very quiet, tell bad jokes.5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?I’d like to think so.6. What kind of people are you attracted to?All of them. More feminine aligned folks usually but super masc folks and androgynous peeps have totally taken my breath away too. Less general note, nerdy folk who I can obsess over something with. 7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?I mean, I’m in one now and while it does have a massive issue because of distance, I’d like to think we can tough it out.8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?My girlfriend.9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?A little, I get flustered easily if im not super close with folks.10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?Fuck, uh, myself? I often have super deep conversations that I should probably talk to a therapist or someone about just aloud to myself. But if that isnt an acceptable answer, @gpumidnazora​ takes the cake.11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?“Oh hell, I thought I said hi when I got home and was all like ‘huh, she hasn’t replied, guess she’s already asleep” after I goofed up on letting my gf know I got home on time.12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?OH! I got one from just this morning! Let’s Face It I’m Cute by 11 Acorn Lane.Aside from that I’ve been all nostalgic lately so Mr Brightside by The KillersTeenage Dirtbag by WheatusGoodbye Stranger by SupertrampEverytime We Touch by Cascada13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?Yes. Please do. I’m a big sucker for this. Or any physical affection really. 14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?Miracles not so much but its real hard to not think of things as lucky or unlucky for me15. What good thing happened this summer?I got plenty of hours at work! 16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?Nope. No. Nuh. There’s two girls it might be and neither of those would be a good choice.17. Do you think there is life on other planets?I mean, it’s literally either that or we are completely alone in the entire universe. Which seems far more terrifying to me. So yeah. But I’m always thinking like microbial or basic life, rather than you know, aliens replete with UFOs and such.18. Do you still talk to your first crush?Nah, havent talked to her in years.19. Do you like bubble baths?I almost always shower, too big for the bath really.20. Do you like your neighbors?Fuck dude I dont even know my neighbours21. What are you bad habits?God, what isnt? Nail biting, snacking, bad sleep schedule, shower delays, then too long in the shower, generally messy22. Where would you like to travel?Canada, Tokyo, America, Brazil, Europe, New Zealand. Anywhere with snow23. Do you have trust issues?Yes? I’m not all that open. Until I am and it’s like BAM HERE’S MY ENTIRE LIFE STORY which is too much typically.24. Favorite part of your daily routine?Jerkin’ it just soooo right. Kidding. Mostly. Anytime cuddling my cat while catching up on Youtube videos is great.25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?My back. just all of that. Beats out the chewed nails and the flab and the face any time.26. What do you do when you wake up?Regret27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?Darker. But I’m such a shut in so that aint happening. Least it looks alright next to my paper white sister28. Who are you most comfortable around?Myself. Or my good friend Emily Mac, the @keepingitreluctant​ that you all know and love29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?One, and boy that was a fucking nightmare of a time.30. Do you ever want to get married?Not really? I mean, tax benefits are nice but I don’t care for it much.31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?Nah, or at least it’s the shittiest ponytail ever, though my hair is the longest it’s probably ever been.32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?I’d take a spin with pretty much anyone because dang most of them are hella good looking plus all that money you could earn through scandalous details afterwards. 33. Spell your name with your chin.zxzbnldyu. Perfect, nailed it. Funnily enough it’s pronounced ‘Ashley’34. Do you play sports? What sports?I played, emphasis on the ‘ed’, soccer (football) and tennis and fencing!35. Would you rather live without TV or music?TV, easy. I listen to music way more than I watch TV.36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?Who hasn’t? Though I have an awful habit of fallin in love with folks when I see them if they catch my eye. All the time. Everyone just looks so dang good and cute.37. What do you say during awkward silences?I’m more of a creator of awkward silences than an ender. Yay for being bad at simple conversation.38. Describe your dream girl/guy?Aw jeez. I mean I’m tempted to earn brownie points by just describing my lovely girlfriend. But if I had to draw up an ideal, I guess just a real sweet cutie who’s down for cuddling and playing games, preferably nice and short, all adorable and fun sized! Short hair is a plus.39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?I don’t shop often. So I guess Robinsons bookshop, EB games and Zing? is that the name of that store filled with ‘nerdy’ junk that’s like partnered with EB?40. What do you want to do after high school?Fuck man I went through high school not knowing and I still have no idea41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?I give so many second chances. Multiple.  But it does depend on the action. If you hurt me, no matter how much or how often, I’ll let it slide (possibly because I have 0 self respect) but if you fuck with my mates or are just a despicable person in general I will only give you a couple chances.42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?I’m almost always pretty quiet. but if i go silent mid conversation it probably means I’m trying to turn something that just got said into a really lame dad joke.43. Do you smile at strangers?yes and no. If I’m interacting with them or like they pass by and its only the two of us I’ll happily put on a (hopefully not creepy) smile but I won’t have a smile plastered on my face walking through a crowd.44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?Space. Definitely. 45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?At the moment, the need to get to work46. What are you paranoid about?People finding out about the murders This and that, usual dark secrets.47. Have you ever been high?Yup and it was eh, I laughed at all sorts of junk but I got serious cottonmouth and had all sorts of gaps in my memory, even worse than normal which was scary.48. Have you ever been drunk?Plenty of times and I think I’m probably 50/50 on if i threw up or not.49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?Recently? I did get Maccas for dinner and pretend that I wasnt hungry when I got home after a rough day at workLess recently I fucked up in a life changing way that no one else knows of and I don’t know what to do about that.50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?Black51. Ever wished you were someone else?Again, who hasn’t? 52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?Add a couple zeros to the end of my bank balance would be nice. But physically? Clean up my fucking back. 53. Favourite makeup brand?Afraid I really don’t know anything about any of them enough to make a judgement call. 54. Favourite store?Zing (im sticking with that name, fuck it) is fun to just chill in55. Favourite blog?God so many, you are all too great!56. Favourite colour?Turquoise 57. Favourite food?A good steak is hard to turn down58. Last thing you ate?Rice and mince.59. First thing you ate this morning?A caramel Up&Go to wash down some pills.60. Ever won a competition? For what?I’m more of a second place kinda person. Or was. It’s all been going downhill for a while in academic or sporting respect.61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?I almost got suspended/expelled after a particularly nasty and widespread tidbit rumour went around about me.62. Been arrested? For what?Nope.63. Ever been in love?I think so. I’m the kinda guy to say it pretty early. 64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?Uh, I took my girlfriend of the time out to a roller skating rink, I couldn’t skate for shit and I couldnt look her in the eyes without turning away and blushing. Let alone hold a conversation. But afterwards she was kind enough to deign to grant me a kiss in the parking lot.65. Are you hungry right now?Nope, I’m good.66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?I talk to you guys just as much as them nowadays. But I would say I’m closer to them than anyone on tumblr, no offense. 67. Facebook or Twitter?Uh I have both but don’t use them.68. Twitter or Tumblr?Tumblr hands down, this is like my only social network platform69. Are you watching tv right now?Nope70. Names of your bestfriends?Emma, Emily, Hayley, Imogen, Lucinda, Ebony71. Craving something? What?Getting intimate with a guy, just accepting my bisexuality recently has kinda kicked that into overdrive. And now I’m blushin.72. What colour are your towels?We’ve got white, black and turquoise72. How many pillows do you sleep with?One73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?Not in about 10 years.74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?I wouldnt have a clue how many stuffed animals from when I was younger are still tucked away in the house75. Favourite animal?Meerkat.76. What colour is your underwear?Black77. Chocolate or Vanilla?Vanilla78. Favourite ice cream flavour?probably vanilla79. What colour shirt are you wearing?Black80. What colour pants?No pants!81. Favourite tv show?Brooklyn Nine Nine or Bojack Horseman82. Favourite movie?Iron Giant? Road to El Dorado? Spaceballs? Something nostalgic83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?There’s a second?84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?Mean Girls85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?Uh, fuck I dont remember the names. The lovely lesbian lass. She was great.86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?Bruce.87. First person you talked to today?My girlfriend88. Last person you talked to today?Verballly, my mum, text wise, my girlfriend89. Name a person you hate?Donald Motherfuckign Trump, I mean hating trump is as common as breathing air as it should be but man he’s such a fucking disgusting cunt.90. Name a person you love?My parents.91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?God I have spent many an hour dreaming of socking Trump right in that bullshit spewing mouth92. In a fight with someone?Not currently. Or at least, the feud is still open and so old it isn’t a fight anymore.93. How many sweatpants do you have?Two?94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?Two?95. Last movie you watched?Moana 96. Favourite actress?Ellen Page is up there for sure97. Favourite actor?Chris Pratt98. Do you tan a lot?Ha, most of my body isnt aware what the sun is99. Have any pets?Boy do I. 2 cats and 5 dogs. 10 chooks.100. How are you feeling?A tad tired.101. Do you type fast?Pretty average 102. Do you regret anything from your past?HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA My memory is a whole lot of regrets floating in a void of forgotten moments.103. Can you spell well?W-E-L-L104. Do you miss anyone from your past?A past best friend of mine.105. Ever been to a bonfire party?I’ve hosted a couple and been invited to one106. Ever broken someone’s heart?I doubt it. Not exactly the type. (devastatingly good looking and/or callous)107. Have you ever been on a horse?Yup, wasn’t the thing for me108. What should you be doing?Sleeping?109. Is something irritating you right now?Well I’m now being inundated by regretful thoughts so that’s a bother.110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?Nah. 111. Do you have trust issues?I feel like this was already asked. But yeah, I would say so.112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?I haven’t cried in literal years. I don’t have a clue.113. What was your childhood nickname?It’s always just been Ash114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?Yup, I’ve been all over the place115. Do you play the Wii?I have, but its been a hot minute116. Are you listening to music right now?Yeah, I had Let’s Face It I’m Cute up for the link and it just played a whole bunch of electroswing music on youtube, now on The Noisy Freaks by Freak Orchestra at least I think thats the name and band, I’ve never heard it before117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?sure118. Do you like Chinese food?Probably not my favorite, but it’s nice119. Favourite book?Too many man, way too many. 120. Are you afraid of the dark?Not really.121. Are you mean?I don’t think so. I’m a weak willed pushover and generally benign and quiet122. Is cheating ever okay?Ugh, it’s not exactly commendable but like anything, it’s all circumstance123. Can you keep white shoes clean?I have white runners, which remain clean by the virtue of me never exercising.124. Do you believe in love at first sight?Not actually, but like i said before I get infatuated on sight all the time.125. Do you believe in true love?Not really.126. Are you currently bored?Buddy, my existence is being bored.127. What makes you happy?my pets.128. Would you change your name?I wanted to change my name to Seth when I was younger after years of “ashley is a girls name’ 129. What your zodiac sign?L1BR4130. Do you like subway?Yeah. it’s normally pretty tasty.131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?I mean, I’m currently dating and so is she so that would be a mess, but I doubt much would come of it.132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?Ok im 90000% sure this was already asked.133. Favourite lyrics right now?“No matter what I conjure it could not help me deflect/ The angry death, of every hopeful thought/ that I might be a lover or a fighter…”134. Can you count to one million?I suppose I could. Like I have the capacity. But I’d get bored and give the fuck up without good reason to do so135. Dumbest lie you ever told?fuck me, I lie, alot, it’s my go to defense. Which is bad. but whatever. Probably the one where I skipped tennis training and claimed that I was going to extra french lessons instead, which was immediately called out by the French teacher.136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?Closed. keep the cat in and the dogs out137. How tall are you?175 ish cms, which is 5′10″ i think138. Curly or Straight hair?Straight, despite threats of it getting curly should  I let it get longer than a college cut.139. Brunette or Blonde?Wait is this asking preferences. fuck. Uh, Brunette? I’m not fussed by hair colour. though I’d probably avoid redheads just because my mum and one sister are redheads 140. Summer or Winter?WINTER141. Night or Day?Night142. Favourite month?October? it’s got my birthday!143. Are you a vegetarian?Nope144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?Milk145. Tea or Coffee?meh, not fussed either way146. Was today a good day?sure! I got to start work 2/3 hours later than normal after a fucking killer three days.147. Mars or Snickers?Mars? I dont eat a lot of either148. What’s your favourite quote?I dont really have one off-hand149. Do you believe in ghosts?not really.150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? “Captain Thomas Kelly, from the forty-sixth Precinct, said; ‘It looks accidental. Grant may have suspected that his familiarity with Damien place him above danger, but a hungry python does not quibble about such niceties’”I know its more than a line, but that’s a hilarious quote. 

#long post #long as fuck post #ask list #spaceoutdreamer #ask

[scifimagpie]

Censorship and 'Censorship': Who Gets to Speak?

Hello hello!

In the increasingly surreal absurdist comedy that is current international politics, the issue of free speech has been awfully prevalent. With the new development of sensitivity readers and an outsized backlash to their existence, as well as cries of outrage over the cancellation of Milo Yiannopoulos' book contract, a lot of people have taken these as 'attacks' on free speech. Meanwhile, Beauty and the Beast is being banned from certain theatres because the character Le Fou will be openly gay.

There will be people who say that these actions are on par. Neil Gaiman, who I love and respect, wrote an essay to that effect about nine years ago.

There was a time when I would have agreed with that essay, because after all, who does get to speak? Is there really a difference between public censorship and government censorship? Is refusal of a business to deal with an individual really censorship at all?

The thing is, all taboo or unpopular comments are not created equally. The people who would like to have the freedom, or 'freedom' to support violence and harassment against others are eager to make the claim that they're doing so for the sake of provocation, but it's funny how they never stand up for, say, the gay or 'ethnic' people who are also saying socially unacceptable things.

"Censorship" versus lack of support

Censorship refers to the practice of an official, government-led organization removing or culling content for the sake of a moral agenda. Refusal to allow a speaker or publish a book due to protesting is not government censorship, it's a decision for the sake of consumers. That's well-trodden ground and I don't plan on tramping it into smoothness yet again. Rather, I'd like to focus on the real issue - that all 'unacceptable' speech, as I'm going to call it, is not created equally and does not come from equally supported, safely-positioned, societally enshrined sources.

Who's the target?

For a long time, the broad left and the liberal segments of the right have grappled with the idea that people want to voice and discuss things that aren't socially rewarded. Sometimes these things are simple, like, 'black people are treated badly', and sometimes these things are basically underage teen girl porn by famous authors.

There's a certain idea that's been prevalent since the 90s; namely, that offending people is automatically good or moral in some way. In television, from my understanding, there's a weird attitude of equality in terms of who is allowed to be targeted for offensive jokes, which gives the inaccurate idea that all groups have equal weight in choosing targets. With this idea, offending everyone is fine, even moral, because it 'makes people think' or 'shakes them up'.

But pretending that all ugly speech is created equally is a fallacy that has allowed the proliferation of hate speech and violence of various kinds. It comes from the same idea that everyone is born with the same opportunities and advantages, when that simply isn't the case. Black people in the USA die four years earlier than white people, Trans people experience disproportionate rates of mental illness and violence, leading to a shockingly low life-expectancy - roughly age thirty. Simply being born or developing a particular set of circumstances has a drastic effect on people's lives.

It's an ugly but empirically proveable fact that being a woman subjects one to greater risks of sexual violence and limits career advancement, that being transgender has the same results but multiplied, that being disabled in any way results in a lower lifespan, that being a sex worker carries both danger and stigma, and that being a person of colour, or fitting into intersections of any of these groups, has a magnified effect of inequality. I haven't cited every one of these ideas to avoid turning my post into link soup, but it's not hard to find support for them.

Who gets to say what?

The problem comes from the fact that some people are used to hearing certain things on a regular basis, and some experience disproportionate harm from these things. A black woman listening to a "n---" joke from a fellow black comedian may experience commiseration in the context of talking about a shared experience. The same joke from a white comedian plays into historic and present inequalities, and even if it's intended in a friendly way, can reinforce those inequalities.

With that in mind, considering the audience targeted by a certain piece of art is essential to deciding on whether or not to support that art's expression. The time has come for us to choose which 'free speech' we're going to support, and I personally plan to use the audience and targets to determine the people I'm going to stand behind. The idea of 'punching up' compared to 'punching down' is unquestionably vital here. Sometimes intersectional nuances can make it difficult to choose a side, and in those cases, a full-force attack is less necessary than a careful, mediated conversation. But in a lot of situations, the people experiencing blocks and resistance tend to be those disempowered by social circumstances.

"But everyone protests things!" comes the counter-argument. "We need to be able to say awful things just in case..."

In Canada, as well as many other countries, hate speech is punishable by law and considered separately from other forms of free speech and self-expression. In the US, that is not the case, and it's because of a refusal to acknowledge that saying ugly things about people who can be harmed by them is different than annoying people.

It's really worth considering why it's so important to demonstrate one's freedoms by vocalizing aggression or violence towards others. Since white people and men in general tend to be protected by social structures and the way laws are enforced, it's vital to realise that things that hurt our feelings seldom hurt us in ways that leave a lasting impact. Feelings do matter, but in the context of violence and poverty, refusing to be criticized because it's annoying seems awfully greedy.

What does this mean for writers?

Those of us who create content play a role in creating culture itself. Instead of being upset about sensitivity readers, it's better to embrace them and appreciate their role in helping us improve our fiction and ensure its fairness. Sure, there will be times when an issue is nuanced and sticky and effects a couple of groups of people on the sharp end of prejudice, or when people from the same group have multiple differing opinions on content. For example, Asian people are divided over Madame Butterfly and Miss Saigon, which provide casting opportunities but reinforce prejudiced ideas. While it's seldom possible to please everyone, doing the best to satisfy most people, or at least the important people, is generally advisable.

As for situations where portraying a troubled or troubling character is 'part of a story', it's important to think about one's own 'artistic integrity' in the context of the social world we live in. Where have your ideas about this character come from? Art can feel like magic sometimes, but treating it as an uncritiqueable sacred cow both cheapens its quality and lets creators get away with not challenging themselves or their beliefs. At the end of the day, it's not easy to strive for equality, but it's the right thing to do in so many ways - and that's why I support some forms of challenging media and art, and refuse to support others. Milo Yiannopoulos can get phuqued.

***

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#censorship #free speech #milo yiannopoulos #equality #egalitarianism #feminism #intersectionality #intersectional feminism #writing #how to #debate #essay

[d00dt00nz]

Obligatory promo stuff at the top because it sucks and I hate it and let’s get it out of the way! follow me on twitter where I’m active, check me out on spotify for music, or like my facebook for sparse updates on music stuff. Thank you. The Cover art is by Ellie Tison

This one’s a lil bit long so I’ll put it behind a break

A while ago I posted about a song that was called The Howl that Lay the Canyon Bare. I mentioned that there were a few false starts on that song. One of those songs was a ripoff of Jackson Browne's The Pretender. Basically, while I didn't like the song, it became some kind of freakish mushroom creature. It budded its spores and they grew into their own creations. There was another song that came from it but it's not very good and I didn't use it. This song, however, did.

Basically it came from me wanting to write like, a fast paced and kind of old fashioned rock song. Not necessarily a standard blues rock structured song, but maybe something that was had the same force and power. My old song had some lyrics that I liked “I'm gonna get a good job in the city, I'm gonna buy a big screen tv/I'm gonna make a lot of friends and forget their names, 'cause they don't mean much to me”. Sometimes I think it's a shame for lyrics to go to waste because I always have a pretty tough time of writing them. A lot of times I'll just pluck lyrics from unused stuff, which is a little annoying because then I can never use that unused thing.

That lyric was written while I was still working at the RESP place and I was feeling pretty miserable and gross. I felt evil. I wanted to write something gross. More recently when I actually wrote this song proper, I was feeling a little less evil, but still very aware of those same evils. This was back in Febuary when my boss had recently laid off everyone except me. The amount of work hadn't reduced. He'd essentially used Coronavirus as an excuse to save a few bucks on his business. To this day, we don't have any masks, sanitizer, or gloves. The car the company gives me is literally falling apart. I have no right rearview mirror, the transmission is broken so that sometimes the engine just revs but the car doesn't move, the AC is broken, the winter tires are still on, the entire car shakes all the time, and up until recently it'd stall if you took a turn too sharply. If you can recall that time in Febuary, it was also when there was a whole asinine debate in the media about how many deaths were “acceptable” to keep the economy going.

Obviously I know that capitalism is “evil”. We all know that somewhere in the back of our minds, and saying it in that way (especially online) is pretty trite. At some point I started reading books about socialism in my spare time. I don't claim to be an expert, I couldn't make it through Kapital (that fucking thing is like a thousand pages and he spends the first 200 talking about a coat). I just want you to understand that it is something that I don't just invoke for cheap jokes. I think it'd be a good thing. Anyway, the evils that capitalism is based on really started to show their faces around that time. We had to let people die because we couldn't let the system slow down. A lot of liberal leaning people like to begin and end the conversation with “greed”, as if so many problems could be solved if we fixed the individual, personal problem of greediness. Maybe that'd go a long way if we could somehow magically shame people into good behaviour, but the way things are set up means you'd have to convince the people who make the rules to act against their own interests. The whole idea is silly.

The entire idea behind a neoliberal model of capitalism is a lack of true accountability. Kurt Vagnathghet (note to me, fix this spelling later when you have internet. Or don't and leave it in as a dumb hilarious joke) has a little part in Cat's Cradle where a brilliant engineer relinquishes his position as president because he is uncomfortable with authority – he'd rather be told what to do. The narrator wonders why until he begins delegating tasks to the engineer and realizes that the engineer has now managed to detach himself from his own humanity. He simply has become a cog in a system that sustains him. He is free of any real accountability because nothing is his own decision. He simply carries out orders because he must in order to maintain his own place in the world. That's kind of like the model we have today. Everyone is beholden to someone. Even CEO's are beholden to shareholders. Even shareholders are beholden to other shareholders. They cannot act against their own interests because there will always be somebody to replace them waiting in the wings. Yes, they make the rules, but they don't make the rules collectively, which means that if they stop “playing the game” then they'll lose what they have to somebody who is. I'm not saying I have sympathy for these people, I'm just describing the mental gymnastics that this system demands. I don't believe that people are inherently evil or selfish, but I do believe that we have a system that benefits those who are selfish and punishes those who are selfless. It's a self sustaining system where nobody is really in charge of their own life and the only real way to feel any control over your situation is to become vile – and the more vile you become, the more control you feel. It's not a question of staying true to your values, it's a question of how evil will you allow yourself to be.

Of course this only applies to people with that ability in the first place, as in people who are white, from a wealthy family, live in the western world, that kind of stuff. In my more unhinged moments I consider this about myself. I don't know if I could ever be in a position to take advantage of people, but what if I could? How much would I be willing to screw people? How immoral and wrong would I act if it meant a life of comfort? What if I just started scamming and hurting people? What if I “played the game”? How amoral would I allow myself to become before it wasn't worth it? These are questions I don't know if anyone can really answer. It's disturbingly easy to take an opportunity when presented with one. I'd like to say that I would stay true to myself, but would I? Would anyone?

Over the course of history, our ruling class effectively managed to replace the task of governing with a series of complex and often injust or imperfect systems. Over time, even the highest powers in the land have become beholden to something – something that is no longer even human. Something incapable of moral judgments because it does not think. It turns out we were living in the matrix a long time before computers were invented (That's really corny but let me have this one. I want to feel cool okay?). They created this system to absolve them of responsibility, and in doing so have rendered themselves powerless.

I wanted to outline this grotesque reality and my own personal worries in the most grotesque way possible. I didn't want to create nu metal, so I went to the second most grotesque form of music: 70s rock and roll. I wanted to have this angry frantic energy. It was really fun to record because I rarely get to just have straight aggressive 8th notes like I'm some sort of punk. It's also nice to just crank up the volume and the compressor and have a good time with distortion and different guitar tones. I love the dry sound that I was able to get. I do have to say, it's tough to keep that tempo and energy up for an entire song.

Vocally it's not the most difficult song, but a bunch of fun to sing. You get to be really aggressive with your delivery, and there's a bit of a showiness to the melody. For better or for worse, it's got that musical theatre kid energy to it with some old fashioned sounding musical phrases. I kinda like it for that. The lyrics are really unpleasant, so it adds to the fun where I can just say all this ugly shit and have this frantic energy behind it. At one point the compressor I was using did something weird on the vocal take, and it really jacked up a particularly deep breath I was taking. I decided to leave it in because it added to the vibe. I thought it'd be a weird quirk. Like the sound of somebody doing a big fat line of coke. Just getting fucked up.... Real twisted shit.

On the chorus I decided I wanted to add a little bit of variety and put in some sax backing. It was supposed to mingle with some vocals, which would have been a cool effect but the effect never really came through. I'm still not 100% on how to get a good sax sound out of a recording. At any rate, it does give this big echoy chaotic sound which I was pretty satisfied with so I left it in.

The solo section, I'm not so much a fan of. I think the guitar solo I did was pretty bad and amateurish sounding. There's this big buildup and then it's like this stupid meandering guitar solo that sounds like a 14 year old did it. I got my brother to record a guitar solo, which is technically a much better guitar solo, but honestly I wasn't a huge fan of the feel he went with in the context of the song. It felt a little bit too surf-y, and he didn't use any distortion. I kept it in and combined the two, which helped make things feel a little bit better, but I'm still not big on the part. There's also a harmonica bit. I kinda broke down and went back to my old standby of “well let's just make this part really noisy” which is a little bit of a crux, I admit.

In general I like the song. It's fun. It's fast, it's mean, and it breaks up some of the more introspective stuff. As well, I've just been feeling really uncomfortable with releasing an album of introspective naval gazy music. Like, I get it, I don't really have a platform. It's not like many people listen to me. Still though, there's so much awful shit going on in this world right now that I'm fortunate enough to be mostly sheltered by. I haven't participated in any protests either. I feel like I have to talk about it. In the end though I'm just busy with this self absorbed bullshit. I'm glad, then, that there's something political on this album that captures that feeling. I hope to be a little bit more worldly with my songwriting. I've done at least two very personal albums, and two high concept albums, I hope to maybe turn my focus outward into the world next time.

#music #album #rock #music production #songwriting

[theinvinciblenoob]

It was the best of years, it was the worst of years, it was the wokest of years, it was the most problematic of years, it was the year of AI, it was the year of scooters, it was the year of Big Tech triumph, it was the year of Big Tech scandals, it was the year of Musk’s disgrace, it was the year of Tesla’s redemption, it was the year of shitcoin justice, it was definitely not the year of AR or VR, it was the dumbest timeline, it was the spring of stanning, it was the winter of wtf.

It was, in short, a year tailor-made for The Jons, an annual award celebrating tech’s more dubious achievers, named, in an awe-inspiring fit of humility, after myself. So let’s get to it! With very little further ado, I give you: the third annual Jon Awards for Dubious Technical Achievement!

(The Jons 2015) (The Jons 2016) (The Jons 2017)

THE FEET AND LEGS AND TORSO OF CLAY AWARD FOR SUDDEN REGRESSION TO THE MEAN

To Elon Musk, who in the past year went from (in many eyes) “messiah who could do no wrong” to “man who has paid a $20 million fine and stepped down as chairman in order to settle with the SEC regarding allegations of tweeted fraud; been sued for very publicly accusing a stranger of pedophilia with no evidence; feuded with Azealia Banks; been roundly criticized for the conditions in Tesla’s factories; and been pilloried (though also, and to my mind more accurately, tentatively praised) for his new Boring Tunnel.” Don’t have heroes, kids.

THE BUT ON THE OTHER HAND THERE ARE ALL THOSE SHINY NEW ELECTRIC CARS AWARD FOR ATTEMPTED DOOMSAYING

Surprisingly, despite the previous award, this one goes to the herds of bears who spent much of the year claiming that Tesla’s imminent doom and bankruptcy would become obvious and indisputable any day now. The roars of the bears seem to have grown much quieter of late, probably because the Model 3’s production rate has rocketed from 1,000 per week at the start of the year to 1,000 per day of late. No mean feat on the part of Tesla employees.

THE YES BUT THE DIFFERENCE IS THE RUSSIANS KNOW IT’S DISINFORMATION AWARD FOR BAD OPSEC

To Donald Trump, who apparently continues to use an insecure iPhone which the Chinese and Russians listen in on. The good news? Officials have “confidence he was not spilling secrets because he rarely digs into the details of the intelligence he is shown and is not well versed in the operational specifics of military or covert activities.” Put less diplomatically, the President of the United States doesn’t pay enough attention to briefings to have any important secrets to share. Nothing to worry about there! Trump responded by tweeting a denial, saying he only had a “seldom used government cell phone” … from the iOS Twitter app.

THE YOU MUST ADMIT I WAS AT LEAST RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING BEING DIFFERENT NOW AWARD FOR BUBBLY BITCOIN PREDICTIONS

It’s too easy and obvious to give this award to John McAfee, who I suspect of actually angling for a Jon year after year. And as a believer that cryptocurrencies have long-term importance, I’m not going to award anyone for their less-outlandish-than-McAfee medium-term beliefs. So this award goes to Bitcoin uberbull Tom Lee, who claimed Bitcoin would end the year at $15,000 … in the second half of November. There’s a point you almost have to admire; the point at which hype becomes delusion.

THE SURE BUT IT’S A MORE CONNECTED KIND OF MISERY, EXPLOITATION, AND DISINFORMATION AWARD FOR DESTROYING THE GLOBAL VILLAGE IN ORDER TO SAVE IT

Not to Mark Zuckerberg, actually, whose company has, in its zeal for connecting the world, and its belief that this is always and automatically a good thing, amplified genocide, provided a platform for manipulation and disinformation which may have helped tip the Brexit referendum, and 2016 presidential election (both of which were admittedly so close that there were probably dozens of aspects which “helped tip” them) and is increasingly widely viewed as a significant net negative for the world thanks to its business model of incentivizing “engagement” above all else. He’d be a worthy recipient, but this goes to Sheryl Sandberg, for epitomizing Facebook leadership’s thin-skinned tunnel vision wherein they automatically suspect anyone who criticizes Facebook of having a bad-faith ulterior motive, when she “asked Facebook’s communications staff to research George Soros’s financial interests in the wake of his high-profile attacks on tech companies.”

THE PICK A HORSE ANY HORSE BUT LOOK JUST ONE HORSE AWARD FOR OXYMORONISM IN THE FACE OF SOCIAL MEDIA

To everyone — especially journalists and media executives — who thinks that the big social-media companies are too powerful and that tech companies should exercise more control over the dissemination of public speech, and/or to everyone who says that the big social-media companies shouldn’t ever censor while being perfectly aware that they are already exercising control over the dissemination of public speech via their timeline algorithms. There are many, many copies of this particular award to go around.

(Note that there are at least two intellectually consistent approaches here: one is to be explicitly supportive of social media companies moderating speech; another is to favor non-algorithmic, non-amplifying, non-optimized-for-engagement, strict-chronological feeds)

THE COMETH THE HOUR, COMETH THE SPECTACULARLY OUT-OF-TOUCH COVEN OF CLUELESS OLD WHITE MEN AWARD FOR REMINDING US THAT SOMETIMES THE CURE IS WORSE THAN THE DISEASE

To the members of the United States Congress, both houses, for making Mark Zuckerberg and Sundar Pichai seem cuddly, friendly, wise, warm, human, plugged-in, and in-touch with the common man and woman, by comparison with their unbelievably clueless question. Who can forget “Senator, we sell ads,” and/or “Congressman, iPhone is made by a different company”?

THE STREET FINDS ITS OWN DISUSES FOR THINGS AWARD FOR BOOTLEG URBAN RENEWAL

To Lime, Bird, and the other scooter companies whose products have spent the year being thrown by the dozen into Lake Merritt in the heart of Oakland, presumably with the collective intent of turning that empty water into reclaimed land, just as downtown San Francisco is built on the carcasses of sailing ships from the 49er gold rush.

THE OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ TRONC TRONC TRONC AWARD FOR FINALLY GETTING THAT THE JOKE WAS ON THEM

To Tribune Publishing, until recently known as Tronc, for reminding us of their unbelievably terrible name when they finally — finally! — decided to abandon it in favor of something not risible. A small silver second-place award goes to Oath, the owner of TechCrunch, for thereby rising to the top of the “Worst Media Company Name” rankings.

THE SOMETIMES NOTHING IS A REAL COOL HAND AWARD FOR DOING NOTHING BECAUSE NOTHING WAS NECESSARY

To Twitter, who, when noted far-right wacko Laura Loomer handcuffed herself to Twitter’s NYC building after she was permanently banned by them for hate speech, responded by — brilliantly — doing nothing at all. They did not ask the police to remove her. They did not press charges. They ignored her completely. And Loomer went from “she will not remove the handcuffs until CEO Jack Dorsey reinstates her account” to “After several hours of complaining about the cold, Loomer eventually requested to be removed from the door.”

THE COME ON NOW DON’T BE EVIL WAS A LONG TIME AGO AWARD FOR REDEFINING GOOGLEY

To Google, obviously, for being forced to come to terms with what sure looks from the outside like a culture of pervasive sexual harassment by a massive employee walkout in the same year its plans for a new censorship-friendly China search engine leaked. Look not for the trigram in thy brother’s eye, etc.

THE CENTRAL CASTING MAD SCIENTIST AWARD FOR BRINGING US THE DYSTOPIA WE DESERVE

To He Jiankui, the self-funded doctor who apparently brought us the world’s first two human babies genetically edited via CRISPR, without letting anything like an ethics review board, a well-considered benefit/risk ratio, the pre-existence of well-established less-dangerous ways to achieve the allegedly desired result, or anything else stand in his way. But then, if he had, that wouldn’t really have captured the 2018zeitgeist, would it?

THE WHAT ARE THE NEW RUULES AWARD FOR MAKING NICOTINE MORALLY AMBIGUOUS AGAIN

To Juul, which has made a ridiculous boatload of money and more importantly made a lot of people seem very silly as they moral-panic about vaping as if it is the same as smoking, and others seem just as silly as they moral-panic about that moral panic as if vaping has been guaranteed on stone tablets to have no deleterious side effects at all. Where is the nuanced middle? Ah, let’s not kid ourselves, it’s 2018, no one cares about the nuanced middle any more. Bring on the outrage!

THE LISTEN UP YOUNG WHIPPERSNAPPER I WAS THE CEO OF A CYBERSECURITY FIRM AND THE PRESIDENT’S CYBERSECURITY ADVISOR I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW AWARD FOR NOT ACTUALLY KNOWING ANYTHING AT ALL ABOUT HOW TO CYBER THE CYBER. CYBER!

To Rudy Giuliani, who really was the CEO of a cybersecurity firm (Cyber!) and really was the president’s cybersecurity advisor (Cyber! Cyber!) and yet, as shown by his bewildering yet hilarious accusations that one of his tweets was sabotaged by Twitter, does not actually understand the Internet at all. Or, we may presume, the cyber. Cyber!

THE LOOK WE’RE ONLY A $30B COMPANY HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO KEEP TRACK OF ALL THESE LITTLE DETAILS AWARD FOR FORCING PEOPLE TO INTERACT WITH OTHERS NEARBY

To Ericsson, who accidentally disabled phone service for hours for tens of millions of people around the globe because it failed to renew a (presumably TLS) software certificate used by its switching services ahead of its expiry. You can get those for free and automatically these days, btw. Never mind the cyber (Cyber!) attackers; it’s malingering incompetence that will get us all in the end. Speaking of which …

THE WHO COULD POSSIBLY HAVE IMAGINED THAT SUCH A THING WOULD HAPPEN OR IF IT DID THAT WE WOULD RESPOND TO IT IN ALL THE WORST POSSIBLE WAYS AWARD FOR A REPERTOIRE OF PANICKED FLAILING INEPTITUDE WORTHY OF ARTHUR DENT

To the authorities at Gatwick university, who first shut down one of the busiest airports in Europe for almost a day and a half during the pre-Christmas rush because there were reports of drones seen over its runways; then said they couldn’t possibly shoot down those drones for fear the stray bullets might harm someone; then conceded the possibility that there were no drones at all (though it seems like there probably were); then arrested a couple who turned out to be completely innocent; then reopened the airport with no resolution but that of the installation of an expensive new anti-drone system and the discovery of a single, untraced, damaged drone. This dithering paralysis raises many terrifying questions. I have two in particular. One: the people in charge of Gatwick — again, one of Europe’s biggest and busiest airports — never done any threat modelling / scenario analysis / contingency planning at all? And two: how many minutes-rather-than-hours would this shutdown have lasted if it had happened at a major airport in, say, Texas, before the bullet-ridden carcasses of the drones in question were dragged off the runway? I guess we’ll never know. But it gives me a certain dubious pleasure to bequeath to Gatwick, an airport I have known and disliked for many years, this year’s Jon of Jons.

Congratulations, of a sort, to all the winners of the Jons! All recipients shall receive a bobblehead of myself made up as a Blue Man, as per the image on this post, which will doubtless become coveted and increasingly valuable collectibles. (And needless to say sometime next year they will become redeemable for JonCoin.) And, of course, all winners shall be remembered by posterity forevermore.

1Bobbleheads shall only be distributed if and when available and convenient. The eventual existence of said bobbleheads is not guaranteed or indeed even particularly likely. Not valid on days named after Norse or Roman gods. All rights reserved, especially those rights about which we have reservations.

via TechCrunch

#IFTTT #TechCrunch

[williamsjoan]

It’s the Jons 2018!

It was the best of years, it was the worst of years, it was the wokest of years, it was the most problematic of years, it was the year of AI, it was the year of scooters, it was the year of Big Tech triumph, it was the year of Big Tech scandals, it was the year of Musk’s disgrace, it was the year of Tesla’s redemption, it was the year of shitcoin justice, it was definitely not the year of AR or VR, it was the dumbest timeline, it was the spring of stanning, it was the winter of wtf.

It was, in short, a year tailor-made for The Jons, an annual award celebrating tech’s more dubious achievers, named, in an awe-inspiring fit of humility, after myself. So let’s get to it! With very little further ado, I give you: the third annual Jon Awards for Dubious Technical Achievement!

(The Jons 2015) (The Jons 2016) (The Jons 2017)

THE FEET AND LEGS AND TORSO OF CLAY AWARD FOR SUDDEN REGRESSION TO THE MEAN

To Elon Musk, who in the past year went from (in many eyes) “messiah who could do no wrong” to “man who has paid a $20 million fine and stepped down as chairman in order to settle with the SEC regarding allegations of tweeted fraud; been sued for very publicly accusing a stranger of pedophilia with no evidence; feuded with Azealia Banks; been roundly criticized for the conditions in Tesla’s factories; and been pilloried (though also, and to my mind more accurately, tentatively praised) for his new Boring Tunnel.” Don’t have heroes, kids.

THE BUT ON THE OTHER HAND THERE ARE ALL THOSE SHINY NEW ELECTRIC CARS AWARD FOR ATTEMPTED DOOMSAYING

Surprisingly, despite the previous award, this one goes to the herds of bears who spent much of the year claiming that Tesla’s imminent doom and bankruptcy would become obvious and indisputable any day now. The roars of the bears seem to have grown much quieter of late, probably because the Model 3’s production rate has rocketed from 1,000 per week at the start of the year to 1,000 per day of late. No mean feat on the part of Tesla employees.

THE YES BUT THE DIFFERENCE IS THE RUSSIANS KNOW IT’S DISINFORMATION AWARD FOR BAD OPSEC

To Donald Trump, who apparently continues to use an insecure iPhone which the Chinese and Russians listen in on. The good news? Officials have “confidence he was not spilling secrets because he rarely digs into the details of the intelligence he is shown and is not well versed in the operational specifics of military or covert activities.” Put less diplomatically, the President of the United States doesn’t pay enough attention to briefings to have any important secrets to share. Nothing to worry about there! Trump responded by tweeting a denial, saying he only had a “seldom used government cell phone” … from the iOS Twitter app.

THE YOU MUST ADMIT I WAS AT LEAST RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING BEING DIFFERENT NOW AWARD FOR BUBBLY BITCOIN PREDICTIONS

It’s too easy and obvious to give this award to John McAfee, who I suspect of actually angling for a Jon year after year. And as a believer that cryptocurrencies have long-term importance, I’m not going to award anyone for their less-outlandish-than-McAfee medium-term beliefs. So this award goes to Bitcoin uberbull Tom Lee, who claimed Bitcoin would end the year at $15,000 … in the second half of November. There’s a point you almost have to admire; the point at which hype becomes delusion.

THE SURE BUT IT’S A MORE CONNECTED KIND OF MISERY, EXPLOITATION, AND DISINFORMATION AWARD FOR DESTROYING THE GLOBAL VILLAGE IN ORDER TO SAVE IT

Not to Mark Zuckerberg, actually, whose company has, in its zeal for connecting the world, and its belief that this is always and automatically a good thing, amplified genocide, provided a platform for manipulation and disinformation which may have helped tip the Brexit referendum, and 2016 presidential election (both of which were admittedly so close that there were probably dozens of aspects which “helped tip” them) and is increasingly widely viewed as a significant net negative for the world thanks to its business model of incentivizing “engagement” above all else. He’d be a worthy recipient, but this goes to Sheryl Sandberg, for epitomizing Facebook leadership’s thin-skinned tunnel vision wherein they automatically suspect anyone who criticizes Facebook of having a bad-faith ulterior motive, when she “asked Facebook’s communications staff to research George Soros’s financial interests in the wake of his high-profile attacks on tech companies.”

THE PICK A HORSE ANY HORSE BUT LOOK JUST ONE HORSE AWARD FOR OXYMORONISM IN THE FACE OF SOCIAL MEDIA

To everyone — especially journalists and media executives — who thinks that the big social-media companies are too powerful and that tech companies should exercise more control over the dissemination of public speech, and/or to everyone who says that the big social-media companies shouldn’t ever censor while being perfectly aware that they are already exercising control over the dissemination of public speech via their timeline algorithms. There are many, many copies of this particular award to go around.

(Note that there are at least two intellectually consistent approaches here: one is to be explicitly supportive of social media companies moderating speech; another is to favor non-algorithmic, non-amplifying, non-optimized-for-engagement, strict-chronological feeds)

THE COMETH THE HOUR, COMETH THE SPECTACULARLY OUT-OF-TOUCH COVEN OF CLUELESS OLD WHITE MEN AWARD FOR REMINDING US THAT SOMETIMES THE CURE IS WORSE THAN THE DISEASE

To the members of the United States Congress, both houses, for making Mark Zuckerberg and Sundar Pichai seem cuddly, friendly, wise, warm, human, plugged-in, and in-touch with the common man and woman, by comparison with their unbelievably clueless question. Who can forget “Senator, we sell ads,” and/or “Congressman, iPhone is made by a different company”?

THE STREET FINDS ITS OWN DISUSES FOR THINGS AWARD FOR BOOTLEG URBAN RENEWAL

To Lime, Bird, and the other scooter companies whose products have spent the year being thrown by the dozen into Lake Merritt in the heart of Oakland, presumably with the collective intent of turning that empty water into reclaimed land, just as downtown San Francisco is built on the carcasses of sailing ships from the 49er gold rush.

THE OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ TRONC TRONC TRONC AWARD FOR FINALLY GETTING THAT THE JOKE WAS ON THEM

To Tribune Publishing, until recently known as Tronc, for reminding us of their unbelievably terrible name when they finally — finally! — decided to abandon it in favor of something not risible. A small silver second-place award goes to Oath, the owner of TechCrunch, for thereby rising to the top of the “Worst Media Company Name” rankings.

THE SOMETIMES NOTHING IS A REAL COOL HAND AWARD FOR DOING NOTHING BECAUSE NOTHING WAS NECESSARY

To Twitter, who, when noted far-right wacko Laura Loomer handcuffed herself to Twitter’s NYC building after she was permanently banned by them for hate speech, responded by — brilliantly — doing nothing at all. They did not ask the police to remove her. They did not press charges. They ignored her completely. And Loomer went from “she will not remove the handcuffs until CEO Jack Dorsey reinstates her account” to “After several hours of complaining about the cold, Loomer eventually requested to be removed from the door.”

THE COME ON NOW DON’T BE EVIL WAS A LONG TIME AGO AWARD FOR REDEFINING GOOGLEY

To Google, obviously, for being forced to come to terms with what sure looks from the outside like a culture of pervasive sexual harassment by a massive employee walkout in the same year its plans for a new censorship-friendly China search engine leaked. Look not for the trigram in thy brother’s eye, etc.

THE CENTRAL CASTING MAD SCIENTIST AWARD FOR BRINGING US THE DYSTOPIA WE DESERVE

To He Jiankui, the self-funded doctor who apparently brought us the world’s first two human babies genetically edited via CRISPR, without letting anything like an ethics review board, a well-considered benefit/risk ratio, the pre-existence of well-established less-dangerous ways to achieve the allegedly desired result, or anything else stand in his way. But then, if he had, that wouldn’t really have captured the 2018zeitgeist, would it?

THE WHAT ARE THE NEW RUULES AWARD FOR MAKING NICOTINE MORALLY AMBIGUOUS AGAIN

To Juul, which has made a ridiculous boatload of money and more importantly made a lot of people seem very silly as they moral-panic about vaping as if it is the same as smoking, and others seem just as silly as they moral-panic about that moral panic as if vaping has been guaranteed on stone tablets to have no deleterious side effects at all. Where is the nuanced middle? Ah, let’s not kid ourselves, it’s 2018, no one cares about the nuanced middle any more. Bring on the outrage!

THE LISTEN UP YOUNG WHIPPERSNAPPER I WAS THE CEO OF A CYBERSECURITY FIRM AND THE PRESIDENT’S CYBERSECURITY ADVISOR I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW AWARD FOR NOT ACTUALLY KNOWING ANYTHING AT ALL ABOUT HOW TO CYBER THE CYBER. CYBER!

To Rudy Giuliani, who really was the CEO of a cybersecurity firm (Cyber!) and really was the president’s cybersecurity advisor (Cyber! Cyber!) and yet, as shown by his bewildering yet hilarious accusations that one of his tweets was sabotaged by Twitter, does not actually understand the Internet at all. Or, we may presume, the cyber. Cyber!

THE LOOK WE’RE ONLY A $30B COMPANY HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO KEEP TRACK OF ALL THESE LITTLE DETAILS AWARD FOR FORCING PEOPLE TO INTERACT WITH OTHERS NEARBY

To Ericsson, who accidentally disabled phone service for hours for tens of millions of people around the globe because it failed to renew a (presumably TLS) software certificate used by its switching services ahead of its expiry. You can get those for free and automatically these days, btw. Never mind the cyber (Cyber!) attackers; it’s malingering incompetence that will get us all in the end. Speaking of which …

THE WHO COULD POSSIBLY HAVE IMAGINED THAT SUCH A THING WOULD HAPPEN OR IF IT DID THAT WE WOULD RESPOND TO IT IN ALL THE WORST POSSIBLE WAYS AWARD FOR A REPERTOIRE OF PANICKED FLAILING INEPTITUDE WORTHY OF ARTHUR DENT

To the authorities at Gatwick university, who first shut down one of the busiest airports in Europe for almost a day and a half during the pre-Christmas rush because there were reports of drones seen over its runways; then said they couldn’t possibly shoot down those drones for fear the stray bullets might harm someone; then conceded the possibility that there were no drones at all (though it seems like there probably were); then arrested a couple who turned out to be completely innocent; then reopened the airport with no resolution but that of the installation of an expensive new anti-drone system and the discovery of a single, untraced, damaged drone. This dithering paralysis raises many terrifying questions. I have two in particular. One: the people in charge of Gatwick — again, one of Europe’s biggest and busiest airports — never done any threat modelling / scenario analysis / contingency planning at all? And two: how many minutes-rather-than-hours would this shutdown have lasted if it had happened at a major airport in, say, Texas, before the bullet-ridden carcasses of the drones in question were dragged off the runway? I guess we’ll never know. But it gives me a certain dubious pleasure to bequeath to Gatwick, an airport I have known and disliked for many years, this year’s Jon of Jons.

Congratulations, of a sort, to all the winners of the Jons! All recipients shall receive a bobblehead of myself made up as a Blue Man, as per the image on this post, which will doubtless become coveted and increasingly valuable collectibles. (And needless to say sometime next year they will become redeemable for JonCoin.) And, of course, all winners shall be remembered by posterity forevermore.

1Bobbleheads shall only be distributed if and when available and convenient. The eventual existence of said bobbleheads is not guaranteed or indeed even particularly likely. Not valid on days named after Norse or Roman gods. All rights reserved, especially those rights about which we have reservations.

It’s the Jons 2018! published first on https://timloewe.tumblr.com/

[fmservers]

It’s the Jons 2018!

It was the best of years, it was the worst of years, it was the wokest of years, it was the most problematic of years, it was the year of AI, it was the year of scooters, it was the year of Big Tech triumph, it was the year of Big Tech scandals, it was the year of Musk’s disgrace, it was the year of Tesla’s redemption, it was the year of shitcoin justice, it was definitely not the year of AR or VR, it was the dumbest timeline, it was the spring of stanning, it was the winter of wtf.

It was, in short, a year tailor-made for The Jons, an annual award celebrating tech’s more dubious achievers, named, in an awe-inspiring fit of humility, after myself. So let’s get to it! With very little further ado, I give you: the third annual Jon Awards for Dubious Technical Achievement!

(The Jons 2015) (The Jons 2016) (The Jons 2017)

THE FEET AND LEGS AND TORSO OF CLAY AWARD FOR SUDDEN REGRESSION TO THE MEAN

To Elon Musk, who in the past year went from (in many eyes) “messiah who could do no wrong” to “man who has paid a $20 million fine and stepped down as chairman in order to settle with the SEC regarding allegations of tweeted fraud; been sued for very publicly accusing a stranger of pedophilia with no evidence; feuded with Azealia Banks; been roundly criticized for the conditions in Tesla’s factories; and been pilloried (though also, and to my mind more accurately, tentatively praised) for his new Boring Tunnel.” Don’t have heroes, kids.

THE BUT ON THE OTHER HAND THERE ARE ALL THOSE SHINY NEW ELECTRIC CARS AWARD FOR ATTEMPTED DOOMSAYING

Surprisingly, despite the previous award, this one goes to the herds of bears who spent much of the year claiming that Tesla’s imminent doom and bankruptcy would become obvious and indisputable any day now. The roars of the bears seem to have grown much quieter of late, probably because the Model 3’s production rate has rocketed from 1,000 per week at the start of the year to 1,000 per day of late. No mean feat on the part of Tesla employees.

THE YES BUT THE DIFFERENCE IS THE RUSSIANS KNOW IT’S DISINFORMATION AWARD FOR BAD OPSEC

To Donald Trump, who apparently continues to use an insecure iPhone which the Chinese and Russians listen in on. The good news? Officials have “confidence he was not spilling secrets because he rarely digs into the details of the intelligence he is shown and is not well versed in the operational specifics of military or covert activities.” Put less diplomatically, the President of the United States doesn’t pay enough attention to briefings to have any important secrets to share. Nothing to worry about there! Trump responded by tweeting a denial, saying he only had a “seldom used government cell phone” … from the iOS Twitter app.

THE YOU MUST ADMIT I WAS AT LEAST RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING BEING DIFFERENT NOW AWARD FOR BUBBLY BITCOIN PREDICTIONS

It’s too easy and obvious to give this award to John McAfee, who I suspect of actually angling for a Jon year after year. And as a believer that cryptocurrencies have long-term importance, I’m not going to award anyone for their less-outlandish-than-McAfee medium-term beliefs. So this award goes to Bitcoin uberbull Tom Lee, who claimed Bitcoin would end the year at $15,000 … in the second half of November. There’s a point you almost have to admire; the point at which hype becomes delusion.

THE SURE BUT IT’S A MORE CONNECTED KIND OF MISERY, EXPLOITATION, AND DISINFORMATION AWARD FOR DESTROYING THE GLOBAL VILLAGE IN ORDER TO SAVE IT

Not to Mark Zuckerberg, actually, whose company has, in its zeal for connecting the world, and its belief that this is always and automatically a good thing, amplified genocide, provided a platform for manipulation and disinformation which may have helped tip the Brexit referendum, and 2016 presidential election (both of which were admittedly so close that there were probably dozens of aspects which “helped tip” them) and is increasingly widely viewed as a significant net negative for the world thanks to its business model of incentivizing “engagement” above all else. He’d be a worthy recipient, but this goes to Sheryl Sandberg, for epitomizing Facebook leadership’s thin-skinned tunnel vision wherein they automatically suspect anyone who criticizes Facebook of having a bad-faith ulterior motive, when she “asked Facebook’s communications staff to research George Soros’s financial interests in the wake of his high-profile attacks on tech companies.”

THE PICK A HORSE ANY HORSE BUT LOOK JUST ONE HORSE AWARD FOR OXYMORONISM IN THE FACE OF SOCIAL MEDIA

To everyone — especially journalists and media executives — who thinks that the big social-media companies are too powerful and that tech companies should exercise more control over the dissemination of public speech, and/or to everyone who says that the big social-media companies shouldn’t ever censor while being perfectly aware that they are already exercising control over the dissemination of public speech via their timeline algorithms. There are many, many copies of this particular award to go around.

(Note that there are at least two intellectually consistent approaches here: one is to be explicitly supportive of social media companies moderating speech; another is to favor non-algorithmic, non-amplifying, non-optimized-for-engagement, strict-chronological feeds)

THE COMETH THE HOUR, COMETH THE SPECTACULARLY OUT-OF-TOUCH COVEN OF CLUELESS OLD WHITE MEN AWARD FOR REMINDING US THAT SOMETIMES THE CURE IS WORSE THAN THE DISEASE

To the members of the United States Congress, both houses, for making Mark Zuckerberg and Sundar Pichai seem cuddly, friendly, wise, warm, human, plugged-in, and in-touch with the common man and woman, by comparison with their unbelievably clueless question. Who can forget “Senator, we sell ads,” and/or “Congressman, iPhone is made by a different company”?

THE STREET FINDS ITS OWN DISUSES FOR THINGS AWARD FOR BOOTLEG URBAN RENEWAL

To Lime, Bird, and the other scooter companies whose products have spent the year being thrown by the dozen into Lake Merritt in the heart of Oakland, presumably with the collective intent of turning that empty water into reclaimed land, just as downtown San Francisco is built on the carcasses of sailing ships from the 49er gold rush.

THE OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ TRONC TRONC TRONC AWARD FOR FINALLY GETTING THAT THE JOKE WAS ON THEM

To Tribune Publishing, until recently known as Tronc, for reminding us of their unbelievably terrible name when they finally — finally! — decided to abandon it in favor of something not risible. A small silver second-place award goes to Oath, the owner of TechCrunch, for thereby rising to the top of the “Worst Media Company Name” rankings.

THE SOMETIMES NOTHING IS A REAL COOL HAND AWARD FOR DOING NOTHING BECAUSE NOTHING WAS NECESSARY

To Twitter, who, when noted far-right wacko Laura Loomer handcuffed herself to Twitter’s NYC building after she was permanently banned by them for hate speech, responded by — brilliantly — doing nothing at all. They did not ask the police to remove her. They did not press charges. They ignored her completely. And Loomer went from “she will not remove the handcuffs until CEO Jack Dorsey reinstates her account” to “After several hours of complaining about the cold, Loomer eventually requested to be removed from the door.”

THE COME ON NOW DON’T BE EVIL WAS A LONG TIME AGO AWARD FOR REDEFINING GOOGLEY

To Google, obviously, for being forced to come to terms with what sure looks from the outside like a culture of pervasive sexual harassment by a massive employee walkout in the same year its plans for a new censorship-friendly China search engine leaked. Look not for the trigram in thy brother’s eye, etc.

THE CENTRAL CASTING MAD SCIENTIST AWARD FOR BRINGING US THE DYSTOPIA WE DESERVE

To He Jiankui, the self-funded doctor who apparently brought us the world’s first two human babies genetically edited via CRISPR, without letting anything like an ethics review board, a well-considered benefit/risk ratio, the pre-existence of well-established less-dangerous ways to achieve the allegedly desired result, or anything else stand in his way. But then, if he had, that wouldn’t really have captured the 2018zeitgeist, would it?

THE WHAT ARE THE NEW RUULES AWARD FOR MAKING NICOTINE MORALLY AMBIGUOUS AGAIN

To Juul, which has made a ridiculous boatload of money and more importantly made a lot of people seem very silly as they moral-panic about vaping as if it is the same as smoking, and others seem just as silly as they moral-panic about that moral panic as if vaping has been guaranteed on stone tablets to have no deleterious side effects at all. Where is the nuanced middle? Ah, let’s not kid ourselves, it’s 2018, no one cares about the nuanced middle any more. Bring on the outrage!

THE LISTEN UP YOUNG WHIPPERSNAPPER I WAS THE CEO OF A CYBERSECURITY FIRM AND THE PRESIDENT’S CYBERSECURITY ADVISOR I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW AWARD FOR NOT ACTUALLY KNOWING ANYTHING AT ALL ABOUT HOW TO CYBER THE CYBER. CYBER!

To Rudy Giuliani, who really was the CEO of a cybersecurity firm (Cyber!) and really was the president’s cybersecurity advisor (Cyber! Cyber!) and yet, as shown by his bewildering yet hilarious accusations that one of his tweets was sabotaged by Twitter, does not actually understand the Internet at all. Or, we may presume, the cyber. Cyber!

THE LOOK WE’RE ONLY A $30B COMPANY HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO KEEP TRACK OF ALL THESE LITTLE DETAILS AWARD FOR FORCING PEOPLE TO INTERACT WITH OTHERS NEARBY

To Ericsson, who accidentally disabled phone service for hours for tens of millions of people around the globe because it failed to renew a (presumably TLS) software certificate used by its switching services ahead of its expiry. You can get those for free and automatically these days, btw. Never mind the cyber (Cyber!) attackers; it’s malingering incompetence that will get us all in the end. Speaking of which …

THE WHO COULD POSSIBLY HAVE IMAGINED THAT SUCH A THING WOULD HAPPEN OR IF IT DID THAT WE WOULD RESPOND TO IT IN ALL THE WORST POSSIBLE WAYS AWARD FOR A REPERTOIRE OF PANICKED FLAILING INEPTITUDE WORTHY OF ARTHUR DENT

To the authorities at Gatwick university, who first shut down one of the busiest airports in Europe for almost a day and a half during the pre-Christmas rush because there were reports of drones seen over its runways; then said they couldn’t possibly shoot down those drones for fear the stray bullets might harm someone; then conceded the possibility that there were no drones at all (though it seems like there probably were); then arrested a couple who turned out to be completely innocent; then reopened the airport with no resolution but that of the installation of an expensive new anti-drone system and the discovery of a single, untraced, damaged drone. This dithering paralysis raises many terrifying questions. I have two in particular. One: the people in charge of Gatwick — again, one of Europe’s biggest and busiest airports — never done any threat modelling / scenario analysis / contingency planning at all? And two: how many minutes-rather-than-hours would this shutdown have lasted if it had happened at a major airport in, say, Texas, before the bullet-ridden carcasses of the drones in question were dragged off the runway? I guess we’ll never know. But it gives me a certain dubious pleasure to bequeath to Gatwick, an airport I have known and disliked for many years, this year’s Jon of Jons.

Congratulations, of a sort, to all the winners of the Jons! All recipients shall receive a bobblehead of myself made up as a Blue Man, as per the image on this post, which will doubtless become coveted and increasingly valuable collectibles. (And needless to say sometime next year they will become redeemable for JonCoin.) And, of course, all winners shall be remembered by posterity forevermore.

1Bobbleheads shall only be distributed if and when available and convenient. The eventual existence of said bobbleheads is not guaranteed or indeed even particularly likely. Not valid on days named after Norse or Roman gods. All rights reserved, especially those rights about which we have reservations.

Via Jon Evans https://techcrunch.com

#TechCrunch

[treadmilltreats]

Lost in translation....texting today 

I have to talk about texting, as it is the number one form of communication in today's dating world, oh hell in the entire world's communication.

Texting is this generations most use form of communication. Don't get me wrong it's great for things like your kids telling you to bring home milk, or to tell you they got there or got home okay. It's great to tell someone your running late or that you can't talk right now but as solely a means for communication, some things get lost in translation.

Back in the stone ages, we had phones attached to the wall, you waited for hours for someone to call and God forbid you had to go to the bathroom and then the phone finally decides to ring.

There you are, running out of the bathroom with your pants around your ankles, trying not to fall on your face to grab the phone before it stops ringing. Then you are trying to act like your not out of breath so that you didn't seem desperate or like you were waiting on their call!

Oh, so many of you are laughing right now at that memory!

We had long conversations on the phone, we heard disappointment, sadness and happiness in someone's voice. If you said something stupid you could correct yourself fast and explain what you really meant. God, it was so much easier back then when we actually spoke to each other.

Now with texting, you can't tell if someone is joking, mad or aggravated and if someone doesn't use punctuation.. Oh forget it! Your totally lost!

I was having a conversation with a guy I met online one time and I was in a rush, as I was off to a clients house but wanted to at least answer him back and it came off like I was pissed and he said so.

I tried to explain the situation but that took another 10 minutes..yuggg!

Last week, as it was a long week and I was aggravated about something that happened with one of my clients. I was texting someone that I have been talking to and his answer to me was "Smh" which I took for like...whatever...and then I got mad and said "Thanks for you support! Not!!"

It wasn't until later my cousin informed me that "Smh" meant shaking my head, like he couldn't believe what my client did either. Who knew? Obviously not me! So I had to call and apologize for my response. See how fast texting can go down hill?

Now let's talk about what's with the fact that you text someone and they don't text you back for hours or days?? This pisses me off to no extent.

Look fool, I know you have that phone attached to your hand 24/7. You even pee with it in your hand and yet here I am waiting for hours or days for a response? Wtf?

No one knows anything about real conversation anymore, gone are the days you meet someone and you spend hours on the phone with them until you fell sleep with the phone in your hand...again your laughing, well...you are if your in my generation!

No today it goes:

"Hi"

"Hey"

"How are you?"

......................5 hours later

"Good, you"

"Great, what are doing this weekend?"

....................... three days later

"Nothing"

"Well, that's good since the dam weekend is already past!"

Delete....

Uggggg.....is this just me? Or does texting make us stupider?

What the hell is going on with today's society?

Sorry, I am a writer and even I can not get my point across in three words or less...impossible! This is not name that tune (Again dinosaur reference)

This was not invented to have full out conversations, yet we are trying to do that with it.

And here's one that I am "Smh" about... sending dick pics through text! Really???

You haven't even met and a few good morning texts later you think it's okay to send a picture of your junk?

Don't...because I will tell you off, make you feel stupid and show all my friends and laugh at you! For the love of God, don't do it!!

And then there is the worst of all, people breaking up with people via text. You got to be kidding? You have no balls at all, you are the scum of the earth in my book. Grow a pair, stand up and be a man, face her, it's the least you can do as your about to hurt another human being.

One of my last relationships, I had to do via the phone and it killed me. I wanted to be face to face, but I lived 1500 miles away and it couldn't wait a second longer.

Okay... but I sure the hell didn't do it using a text and I was 1500 miles and so I couldn't run over there to do it in person.

Dating in the second half of our life's is tough. We are new to this, all of this technology, online dating, relationships via texting, flaky unconnected people...this was not like it was in the stone ages...but we must adapt and grow otherwise we will be left behind and alone.

So today my friends, remember this is a whole new game, texting has become a part of our everyday lives, but we must be respectful of others, we must think about how our words are coming across, we must for the love of God... use punctuation!

This one thing can mean a world of difference...

Let's eat grandma

Vs

Let's eat, grandma

Have a laugh on me today! While we are lost in translation.

"Be the change you want to see"

  "And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

**Coming soon my latest book:

The blessing in disguise.... revealed**

***Now available***

My book The blessing in Disguise

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[little-goose]

Okay, so I’ve put it off for a long time, because I just needed to wait or not think about it or what have you, but I am going to briefly chronicle my 2016 as the personal hell year for roommates. Just so I have it down somewhere.

So let’s start at the tail end of 2015. I was a few months into my college program with Disney, settling in and making plans for staying on once the internship was done, when the news that my current roommate was planning to move home to finish school. So around late November/early December i was very much like a passenger on a sinking ship, scrambling for a lifeboat. It didn’t matter if it was the nicest, or had the best people, it could’ve had a hole from which we had to keep bailing out water, but it would’ve been something.

A girl who worked in the same restaurant as me knew my situation but continuously never offered me a spot, instead telling me how she’d been apartment hunting with a few other girls and hoped I’d find something. 

For now, let’s call her Vacation Bible School (henceforth; VBS) because that was very much her. She didn’t know I was bisexual and within 10 minutes of meeting her I knew I couldn’t tell her that, which was fine, I’m very used to that now. However, she was very critical of the fact that I, as a 24 year old, drank socially. She would occasionally make comments like, “well if anyone here has done drugs, it might’ve been you.” In the way of someone who is trying to make a joke of it, but is 100% judging you for that. She also asked, first if I was Christian and when I said that I was agnostic, immediately asked if I went to church. Gonna let you think about answer number one for a minute, VBS. She also saw me bring some alcohol into the house and because it was more than one bottle of wine, told our roommates that she was worried that I was an alcoholic.

Anyways, we were friendly enough and I asked if she wouldn’t mind throwing my name out to any of the CPs also staying on after our internship ended on the 2nd of January. She said she would. 

Who I found was a girl I did not know well, and didn’t particularly care for, because my first conversation with her included the classic, “Well, with d*sney, assume a guy is gay until proven straight.” But again, I was on a sinking ship, and I figured I could just live amicably enough and not talk about anything except the weather and Harry Potter. Let’s just call her M. 

Problem is, in Southern California, you can’t afford to have less than 2 or 3 roommates in a 2 bedroom apartment, working for somewhere like Disney. So I still needed something else.

In comes VBS, halfway through December saying two girls dropped out of her living plans (why didn’t you notice, past Julia?) at the same time and she wanted me to fill those spots. 

Long story short, I ended up in an apartment with VBS, M, and another girl from my restaurant I didn’t know, who was Batshit™ Crazy (BS). Due to an error on VBS’ part, because she INSISTED on being the primary name on the lease, we lost our 2 bedroom for the first month, and we were four people in a one bedroom. For one month, until another 2 bed was available. 

We move in and oh boy wasn’t that fun. Because I was the only one who had furniture from living more or less on my own in Washington, I had a small uhaul brought down. Which is fair, since most of the furniture was stuff that we needed and did not have to buy. 

Right off the bat, VBS was telling other people “can you believe she brought a uhaul for all her stuff? all our furniture is either her or BS’ I feel like I can’t use it.” As a side note, I was determined to make that situation as easy as possible, and enthusiastically (stupidly) said I was happy to share pretty much all my stuff with them. In retaliation, VBS personally allotted us spaces in all the closets and cupboards we had, when we weren’t home one day.

Our first month is nearing its end and me and BS have been getting along better once we find some similar interest and briefly talk about changing our rooming situation when we move, since we get along a little better. Plus, she had a loft bed and I had a queen, so practicality dictated this made the most sense. 

And surprise, it did because 2 bedroom apartments in SoCal are TINY. So BS and I agree to speak to our respective planned roommates (VBS-BS, Me-M) about this. I send M a text briefly explaining the space situation and I would like to find time to talk in person, before we move to hash it out.

She chooses not to reply. And to also not speak to me for the next 3 days. We sat in a room with all four of us, and I was just not there to her. I thought it was weird but didn’t press it then.

Cut to the day before move-in. We get the go ahead to move in a day early because of my renter’s insurance (I was the only one with it, since it was only necessary for one, and I already had a plan that I could easily change). At which point, M and VBS finally deign to talk to me about the situation. They wait for BS to take a load of stuff across the complex before approaching me to say that they think it was a, “shitty, passive-agressive thing to do,” and I had a chickenshit way of approaching my problems and that wasn’t a conversation to have over text (I didn’t, of course). And apparently, BS is in no way to blame or involved in this, she just keeps saying she wants to move in. Doesn’t support me, or deny me but still moves both of our things into the same room. We stop for maybe an hour and a half to have this conversation between me, M, and VBS in which I am tired from moving, I want to just have a room in which my bed isn’t pressed against my roommate’s and a person I can stand talking to. 

M finally lets it go, but only after she claims the “master” bedroom for herself and VBS, and grudgingly lets go of extra storage space for herself as compensation. 

The next move in day, M decides that the day we’ve all set aside to finish moving is the day she needs to go on a tinder date, and leaves around noon, expecting us to move her things into her apartment for her. We all leave it there, with her new keys and go to a movie. Come home that night to a facebook post about fake people and real friends. Because you know, we didn’t move her shit while she went on a date.

From February to maybe June, the most she and I interact is when she gives me her share of bills which I pay (consistently a few days late).

The trouble there, stems from BS and VBS. I was comfortably going along assuming how great it was that I made a friend like BS, who I knew well and could share things with. (Turns out she consistently posted about me on twitter for pretty much the whole year). The worst was probably in late april, when I think I subconsciously realized how much stress my living situation was beginning to cause me but couldn’t put a voice to, because I had a full breakdown on my floor and she came in to “help me out” and I ended up opening up to her, stupidly assuming I could trust this girl.

And why shouldn’t I? While we were still on speaking terms (circa march 2016) she was telling me how awful VBS really was. How she’d lied to BS that M and I were such great friends and wanted to live with them. How I was some alcoholic party kid who was so sarcastic and rude. I mean, she was so wrong, I was a good friend. And my traumatized ass, who can count all my healthy relationships on one hand, was weak to someone going “I love this girl” when I said something funny. Who laughed at my jokes and brought me starbucks at work. I genuinely wanted to believe that this girl and I could be friends for a long time.

But around late April, early May, I suddenly was not on speaking terms with any of my roommates. No warning, one morning BS and VBS were gone, and BS had blocked me on all forms of social media. It was only once I’d logged out of twitter and wandered to her account that I’d seen all the things she’d been saying. 

This continues through summer, while at the same time drama was starting at work (that’s a whole different can of worms tbh but what a story that is too). When I realized that my roommate situation wasn’t great, a group of kids (R2P2) kind of welcomed me into our group, where they didn’t welcome VBS. And again I felt so relieved that I was making friends. And in reality, they are all a lot younger (19-20) than me and I can’t fault them for how things went. But they came over one night when I was seriously frightened by a text BS sent me about “want to tell me about how all of our restaurant thinks we’re the worst roommates ever when i get home?” And they took me out when she came home and stayed over night in our living room. Politely and quietly. We left before anyone was up, and halfway through breakfast with them, I get a text saying that I wasn’t allowed guests unless my roommates were told beforehand and approved of them coming. Not entirely unreasonable, until you consider that it’s not the courteous heads-up she wanted, but the ability to flat out say “no you can’t.”

I spent a week sleeping on my friends couches because the stress of being at home when people slammed doors to let you know they were there, moving your shit, waking you up when they decided you’d had enough sleep (even though you work til 3 am some nights), and never knowing when they’ll break their vow of silence to tell you what shit you were doing wrong, was too much. 

Then they stopped paying me their shares of bills in July. Until the remote for my television in the living room disappeared for a day and a half. Not misplaced. Gone. 

It was brought back when I told them the internet password. They still hadn’t paid me.

But not to worry, almost every day I woke up to notes on the fridge or notes that would fall out of cupboards when opened, letting us all know about who shouldn’t touch what and how much everyone should clean. Because, of course, M wouldn’t want us to be passive-agressive about things.

It took a group text to get them to do so. And my telling them that I can remove privileges to my possessions when necessary. Even so, I began to notice things of mine were getting misplaced and when I’d ask BS, assuming she didn’t flat out ignore me, she didn’t know. Of course she didn’t. Til I found some of my stuff in her drawers. I didn’t ask.

On the morning of my birthday, I wake up next to a card from BS, which took a whole page to say she didn’t know why we grew apart, but she thought it might have been a little bit her fault and she wanted to make amends. And clearly she did a great job. Her bandaid birthday present to me was a sheet of cat stickers.

And somehow we returned to a tentative talking situation and I clung to it because it was better than finally admitting that I had signed a 13 month lease with the Bitches of East End, and I was only halfway through. She didn’t unblock me–where else would she complain about me—but she definitely talked to me to complain about our roommates. Apparently she could only stay friends with VBS for 3½ months. She was a big fan of throwing the first stone, then letting other people take over so she could seem like the nice, reasonable one. Idiot Julia didn’t catch on quick.

But I did finally realize that I needed to get out. I started looking for new apartments, but I couldn’t post anything on a roommate facebook page where VBS and M were members, because I didn’t want to say anything about leaving until I knew I had a safety net. It was a lot of hunching over apartments.com listings like they were porn, from september to december.

All while peppered with continuous notes from M and BS, though the latter, she promised, was not directed at me. By november at least BS and VBS started paying me for bills again, though never paid me back the months they just elected to ignore my presence. M, however, wrote me a letter in which she detailed why she did not have to pay me for either renters insurance or back months of internet. She even did the (incorrect) math, to show me how much I should be charging her, not that she ever paid me more than a third of it. When I agreed to let her out of paying for the last few months, in which I never gave her the password again, VBS insisted I still charge her, because it was unreasonable to split a payment between three of us. So she tried to get out of paying again. In the end, internet won out for her.

Turns out though, in January, no one felt the need to communicate their living plans, so M tried to keep our current apartment without telling us, which she couldn’t without our approval, VBS was going to leave early to move home, and BS wanted to keep our apartment too. Nothing like having your landlords comment on the drama in your apartment every time you try to pick your mail up. I also don’t recommend hearing about your roommate’s moving plans from your landlord first. 

The good news is I did find a place to live, and a friend of mine was ready and willing to move down two states to live with me, the only tricky bit was moving out. 

Mostly because VBS moved out a week early, and opted to not do any cleaning or repairs before she left. She also left with one of our keys, and expected us to help her pay the fine. Cute. 

In the end, I was the last one to officially leave, because I had to move essentially all my stuff out and into a uhaul by myself, after a friend left after an hour of help. And then move it to storage for a week. But because of this, they left me with a kitchen and living room full of odds and ends garbage to throw out and clean. Despite the fact that they still had a day to come back and finalize it all.

And while there were plenty of awful conversations, texts, and notes in between this, I made it out, with most of my stuff. They did damage some things, including a mug I’d had for years and a tablecloth I’d inherited from my Oma, and I still find small things missing now and then. But I made it out. And I live with an amazing friend. 

The downside is, of course, after having been in survival mode for essentially 14 months, and finally being in a safe place, the depressive episode hit hard and fast. And even that I wanted to deny, because it didn’t feel fair that I finally had a good thing going and now my depression was back. But it was, and still is, and I’m finally working on that. The good news is unlike last time, it didn’t take a year and a half for me to recognize it for what it was and try and get help again. 

So, if you read all that, I hope it clears up some of my vague posts from the last year, some of my absences or weird tags. I feel bad that I did have friends reach out and offer support, but I just couldn’t say it at the time. And I want to blanket thank you all those people, several of which are on here, who tried to support me as best I could, even when I downplayed how I was feeling. It’s been months and it’s only now that I wanted to face it in its entirety and realize I wasn’t overreacting, and I wasn’t always in the wrong. 

Sometimes, it really isn’t you, it’s them.

#personal things #sooooooo there's that