#but like im so emotionally all over the place trying to come to terms w reality every few hours n then going back to numbing

[jeremy-queere]

im actually gonna liveblog my own thoughts about those last few chaps of my fic, which are basically always going to be "i'm hilarious actually" but yknow. specific lines. minor spoilers ig

>be jeremy >tell rich about how you fixed the giant issue where yelling at a squip can turn off every squip in the network >by telling him this aloud, you just alerted the squips to this security flaw >mfw i destroyed the easiest way to save the world without a second thought: :) >still smilling at rich, ready for praise >rich short circuits.

plus with the shutdown that christine mentioned this chapter. it's almost like ? jeremy isn't coming at this from a perspective of wanting to turn squips off???? and never even bothered researching that option??? 😂 bonkers. who'd have thought

i fully recognize that having a coder POV say "The bugs, miraculously, became rarer and smaller" is the biggest ask in the fic in terms of suspension of disbelief. maybe when jeremy is better at this they'll realize they were wrong about that. not in a "this update is secretly a time bomb" way but in a "holy shit i can't believe i used to think this was good programming" way

i still think it's funny whenever i reference jeremy muting themself after the FIRST TIME it came up where jeremy acknowledged that "muting themself wasn't any different from a human just choosing not to speak." i love my weird robot child.

i still like the "C-c-c-c'mon, Jeremy, can't you see, we've got a date, so concentrate! We'll start with us, just me and you, some deja vu, and then ensue: your microchip plus our friendship-" implying "the squip" being sung in the same lovestruck voice as the chorus usually sings "christine."

^ i usually pick a song to write the summary from based solely on vibes and character focus. the fact that this was from Upgrade rather than two player game was a dead giveaway regarding michael's intentions btw.

writing michael after that last mall scene has been so weird. on purpose. but like everything he says is a catchy line ending on a discordant note. the sudden pivot from slowburn to joking about having sex and humanity = romance. every time michael interrupts or talks over jeremy instead of going out of his way to set a good example, i wince lol. encouraging them to stop thinking so much. ignoring every one of jeremy's soft "no"s because they're inconvenient. Here Are Our Stereotypical Nerd Spots and Here Is Your Mandated Giant Teddy Bear and Here Is My Secret Condom. (jeremy sprinted into the sunset before we got to that part and we all thank them for it.) jeremy never once having indicated that they wanted to actually have sex any time soon but michael did everything in his power to make sure the date would end that way without a single worry about what jeremy told them about chloe.

i don't think it's spoilers to clarify that michael was in the driver's seat for all of that, but was in a situation where he was very incentivized to listen to the SQUIP. and jeremy looooves squips so obviously the SQUIP is the expert on this, not michael :P

madeline offscreen: constant orgies, pretending to be from paris, scheming femme fatale madeline for the 2.3 seconds she was onscreen: i swear quebec is better than people give it credit for wait don't go-

jeremy's definition of breaking up with someone is, consistently, running away from an emotionally charged moment and convincing themself that they hate them. lol.

christine accusing jeremy of talking at her was also a direct response to the author trying to get on their wikipedia-level-of-philosophy-knowledge soapbox again. btw on that note, observation selection effect seems to only be mentioned in places as a synonym for the anthropic principle. it is more specific than how jeremy defines it, being an existential thing about how "the range of possible observations that could be made about the universe is limited by the fact that observations could happen only in a universe capable of developing intelligent life" (~ wikipedia <3). i get away with a lot of bullshit claims, some of them even intentionally bullshit, bc the character making those claims is reading even less of the wikipedia article than i am.

but that was transparently just a nod to the book being one of the many parallel universes that are foundational to how the squip works in canon

speaking of references that delight me and me alone, in-character phantom of the opera reference re: pageboy

i think all the main/supporting cast all think they're the main characters. except jeremy! not because of jeremy 1.0's insistence that he's not a leading man, but because they have been so busy with observing themself that they haven't even considered anyone else observing them and coming to different conclusions. (see: the PA system joke with michael which alerted the ENTIRE SCHOOOOooool 🎶 to their situation, which in jeremy's narrative, was just a gag as part of a longer fun flirty convo with michael, brought up for laughs and then forgotten.) (it's not like it's plot relevant as in that it doomed them or anything, but just a signal that not everyone perceives the fic events like jeremy does!!)

they're trying to learn to be less self-absorbed (and i'm not saying that as an insult so much as an accurate description of their default thought patterns) but it IS a learning curve. for all their self-reflection, i would describe them as a very reactive person, which is also probably why they (along with jeremy 1.0 and keanu squip) constantly struggle/d with needing a sense of control

im aware that despite christine's in-character criticism of the narrative i wrote 🙃 that she's here for exposition and emotional closure. she knows and she's not happy about it. it's a consequence of writing the story i wanted to tell but that doesn't make it immune from criticism. it's a good question for me, that the story i wanted to tell DID involve removing her agency so much. but i don't see that as a question that needs a direct answer or for me to defend so much as something to reflect on after it's over. in the meantime christine ma'am i'll give you something good in the epilogue i prommy, and i'll add something about this to my notes now that i think about it.

#ooim

[fairycosmos]

depression hours!

#feel very guilty 4 being alive ngl theres a lot going on but i dont know why i didn't die if one of us had to LOL it #would've been better for everyone ngl.......thats not a pity thing it's the literal truth i would've much rather #someone like her had a shot. i just hate myself tbqh loves and it never goes away #i cant sleep i have this weird mood #but like im so emotionally all over the place trying to come to terms w reality every few hours n then going back to numbing #and flashbacks #r hard to deal with

[ddarker-dreams]

SR question,.,,,! in a sr ask we see that giorno tried to confess w the flowers in the room…. All of the members have known sr reader for a long time so I was wondering if/how any of the members would confess to sr reader in their “routes” since shes so oblivious since we only see giornos attempt (which failed Im not even sure?!?) ??? Im like trying to picture them confessing but its so hard the lore makes it so difficult to try and characterize anyone elses confessions so kudos bc I have a big imagination so idk how u managed to make it so hard to imagine lock 😩

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH FUN QUESTION i have very specific ideas for all of the character's routes, from the first meeting to the confession. maybe i'll get around to fully writing everything out one day? i'm most interested in writing SR reader's first meeting with each character and their confession. so i'll be dividing this up in terms of what the route order would be if it were an otome game + describing the gist of what would happen.

[Scarlet Ribbons Description]

Mista’s confession would be straight from a movie scene. It’d be raining hard at night, with you planning to go back home permanently after successfully usurping Passione’s boss. The grief from losing your dear friends was too much to bear any longer. You decided to leave everything behind and relay this information to Mista in a voicemail. As you’re getting out of a taxi, just about ready to head into the airport, you hear your name being called out from a distance. It’s Mista — drenched from head to toe from rushing to see you. He’s been grieving and processing things in his own way, and while he wouldn’t stop you if your heart was set on leaving, he still wants you to hear him out. He’ll stumble over his words, lacking the calm air that you’ve come to associate with him over the years. It wasn’t planned on, he just told you how much you mean to him, that he understands how much it hurts; but running away won’t change anything. After a prolonged silence, you find yourself agreeing with him. His feelings managed to get through to you. He gave you a big, dorky smile, yet sincerely said you wouldn’t have to cry alone anymore so long as he’s around. It’s an offer you took him up on. 

Narancia’s is lighthearted and somewhat of an accident. He almost can’t remember what his life was like before you, you’ve become integral to his existence. A person he couldn’t imagine being without. Ever since you visited him in the hospital, a radiant smile on your face, fretting over his health until his eye fully recovered. The boy’s been whipped ever since. Narancia doesn’t think he could ever do his feelings justice by confessing outright to you. There’s so much he wants to say that getting it out properly seems impossible. His confession comes as an accident, and he doesn’t even realize what he said until you stare at him with wide eyes. You were just hanging out, joking around together, reminiscing on memories. That’s when he told you how much he loved you. As soon as he realizes the full weight of what he said, he tries to backtrack, getting all flustered and almost wanting to run out of the room. His delight is immeasurable when you tell him that you reciprocate his feelings in full. Narancia will get this big smile, asking you if you’re sure over and over again. He couldn’t imagine someone as amazing as you loving him back.

Abbacchio tries to distance himself emotionally from you after Giorno replaces Diavolo as boss. It serves as a reminder of what he stands to lose. He didn’t want to get attached to you in the first place, but you managed to wriggle your way into his heart before he knew it. That’s why the two of you managed to get into a heated argument. You were confronting him about his newfound aloofness, demanding to know the truth behind the sudden change. It was clear that neither of you would be backing down. That’s when he unwittingly revealed that caring for you is only setting himself up for disappointment, as that’s been the pattern for his life for as long as he can remember. It gets dead silent after that while you process his words. Abbacchio expects that you’ll storm off and leave him to brood, and while you consider giving him more space, you decide to be honest about the extent of your care for him as well. This reciprocation is the last thing he expected or knew what to do with. Not everything would be fixed right away, but with your persistence, he’d find the idea of being with you too appealing to deny for long.

Fugo can’t bring himself to look you in the eye any longer. There’s shame, regret, and it weighs down on him like an anchor. He feels like he’s nothing but a specter haunting the streets of Naples. You try reaching out to him, extending a hand in the darkness, yet he can’t bring himself to accept it. One of the times he spots you in the audience at a piano performance, which is how he’s been making money since he left Passione behind. He confronts you afterward, snapping at you to just leave him alone so he can move on and forget about everything that happened. Fugo tells you to just curse him already, to belittle him for his cowardice, anything that would line up with the narrative he’s set in place for you. You refuse to do so. He stands stunned as you wrap you arms around him, murmuring in a soft voice how much you’ve missed him. That’s the night that Fugo confesses the full extent of his feelings for you, the emotions that have been building for years now. He still can’t bring himself to think he deserves any of your kind, yet you rebuke this claim at every turn, telling him that suffering in silence doesn’t do good for anyone.

Bruno has been having nightmares for weeks on end — it’s by your insistence that he finally caves and agrees to a vacation. The spot he picks is a fishing town near Naples, his hometown, unbeknownst to you. You tag along with the intention of keeping him away from work-related business. He’s more than ecstatic to have you with him. The two of you are walking along the beach when he confesses to you, his voice blending in with the crash of the ocean’s waves. He insists that you shouldn’t feel obligated to return his affections, since he’s your superior, and apologizes if this somehow ruined your impression of him. Bruno’s brush with death gave him an even more intimate view of mortality. In what could’ve been his final moments, he found himself regretting never being entirely truthful with you, the one he loves. It’s what he’d been ruminating about for weeks now. With you by his side enjoying a tranquil evening in his beloved hometown, he felt like there was no better time to confess. He can’t help but lift you into a tight embrace when you tell him you feel the same. Later that evening, Bruno shows you his father’s grave and introduces the two of you. He promises his father that he’s in good hands now.

Giorno happens upon you practicing an old dance routine in his courtyard. You’d later claim that it’s embarrassing he saw you — fumbling over some terminology and mentioning a mistake or two you made in the choreography, since it’s been a few years. It’d been a few months since Giorno had settled into his position as the Don and he’d rarely at the time to take a breather. Seeing your self-expression and the beauty that came with it struck a chord in his heart. By the time you finished your routine, he was clapping, marveling over the sight. The two of you talk for some time after that. He asks you about your ambitions, why you chose to stick with Passione, not so subtly moving closer to you as you spoke. Every word that left your lips was dedicated to his memory. The admiration he felt for you only increased as you poured out your heart to him, and with it, the desire to say everything on his mind. Giorno doesn’t outright say how he loves you but instead focuses on giving compliments on your character that you know to be genuine and from an intimate place. Thus begins the step of your lift that saw the two of you growing closer.

#giorno x reader #bucciarati x reader #abbacchio x reader #mista x reader #narancia x reader #fugo x reader #jjba x reader #scarlet ribbons #answered #Anonymous

[enderspawn]

It's alright if u don't wanna answer this cuz this argument gets people really riled up but do you think c!Techno is a tyrant or nah?

Cuz many c!techno apologists argue that he isn't just cuz he's an anarchist but I've also read a lot of essays that go against it and it'd be really interesting to see ur opinion on this

i think he, in some contexts, can most definitely be called tyrannical, yes. a tyrant? no.

to avoid spamming ppl w discourse we've all def heard before (and bc this ended up MASSIVE (like 2.3k ish), but fairly in depth bc i didnt wanna speak out of bad faith and wanted to be EXPLICTLY clear-- oops), the rest will be under readmore

so heres the thing i want to preface: i used to really LOVE c!techno. i joined beginning of s2, right when exile started, and he was arguably my favorite character. since then though i've fallen out with him a LOT, to the point i almost... actively despite him at times (though mainly in a toxic kind of way which i can acknowledge is flawed).

in short, his actions started to speak louder than his words and i lost investment in his personal character struggles because of the actions he took (doomsday was my breaking point. i get feeling angry and betrayed, as well as seeking revenge against lmanberg, but his actions went too far for me to CARE and it hurt so many more characters as well.)

so when i speak, i come from a place of disliking him but also somewhat understanding the position c!techno apologists come from: i used to be one of them myself.

NOW, do i think he's a tyrant? no. for reference in my analysis, i try to look up the definition of terms to make sure they are utilized properly. while "tyranny" and "tyrannical" can have multiple uses, tyrant itself is a more specific term. to combine the top two definitions, a tyrant is referring to "an extremely oppressive, unjust, or cruel absolute ruler (who governs without restrictions, especially one who seized power illegally.)"

techno's position as an anarchist, imo, DOES indeed make him unable to be a tyrant. tyrants are rulers with very clear power over others from a structural way. anarchists are about the lack of structure or power over others and instead viewing the people around you as equals in power.

in forming the syndicate, they very explicitly worked to not designate a leader and instead make it so that no one would have any power over the others systemically. techno may have taken a integral role, yes, but it doesn't make him suddenly "the leader", its a role that wouldve had to be filled by someone (even if it was democratic to decide who to invite, they'd need someone to hand over the invite itself yknow? like no matter WHAT there needed to be A ROLE)

one could argue that he IS a leader in the shadow hierarchy of the syndicate (which, yes, is a real and professional term used in management courses despite sounding like it comes from a 4kids yugioh dub) in that everyone CONSIDERS and looks to him a leader without him having any actual structural basis behind it, but to argue that allows him to be a tyrant is in bad faith i believe. especially because to the people he would be "ruling", he ISNT oppressive, unjust, or cruel. they are his friends and support network and critical for a lot of his personal development (since feelings of betrayal and trust issues are critical to his character and why he acts the way he does). I wish we were able to SEE this develop more, but oh well.

but like i said: tyrant is fairly specific in definition. TYRANNY, and thus TYRANNICAL are not as limited. I've discussed their definitions here. originally, i made that post because i was angry at a take i had seen that claimed that, like you said, because techno was an anarchist and not part of any government or leadership position, he couldn't be tyrannical. to which i heartily disagree.

for something to be tyrannical, they simply must have an overarching/oppressive power over someone or something. it would not be inaccurate if i were to say that something is "under the tyranny" of a concept, because what it means is that something is under the power of another thing/concept. you can frankly call anything tyranny if it is widespread/overarching and you don't like it. mask mandates? tyranny, its forcing me to act in "rigorous condition". hell, theres even such things as tyranny of the majority in which people agree too much on one thing and it gives them unfair power or tyranny of the minority where people with minority opinions have too much power (thats a very grossly oversimplified definition of both, but it covers the base idea well enough for my point)

the point im making above isnt meant to be taken as "anything can be worked to be defined as tyranny thus it is a meaningless claim", it is that tyranny (and again, thus tyrannical) are very open and nonrestrictive terms.

to make it easier to define, alongside the definitions provided i want to add an explicit clause that is (imo) implied in the original definition: tyranny is... well, bad. that is to say if someone has power over a group but literally everyone is fine with it and agrees to it, its not tyranny. thats just a group of people getting along and one happens to have power over another. a leader does NOT equal a tyrant (as discussed above), so leadership should not be equated with tyranny.

thus as an example: wilbur acting as president (before the election) may have been "unelected" with power over his citizens, but no one was upset with that power. thus, he is not a tyrant and not acting tyrannically (as well as the fact his power was, arguably, NOT rigourous or absolute but thats another topic for another time). SCHLATT however IS a tyrant, as his power was absolute (he did not consult his cabinet) and forced people to comply instead of them complying willingly, thus he was acting tyrannically.

now to finally get to the damn point of this essay: where does c!techno lie? honest answer? it depends slightly on your perspective, but it depends a LOT on the future of the syndicate.

techno is incredibly clear in his goals: no governments, no corruption. in fighting with pogtopia, he is actively working to topple a tyranny-- he isn't tyrannical for doing that.

when he strikes out on nov 16th, it is because he opposes them forming a new government. when they oppose him and disagree, he launches an attack against them. is this tyranny? maybe, but probably not. he IS trying to impose his own physical strength and power (as well as his resources) over the others to stop them from doing what HE doesn't want them to do.

however its more nuanced than that:

1. hes lashing out emotionally as well as politically. he feels betrayed by those he trusted and he believed that they would destroy the government then go (i'm ignoring any debates on if he did or did not know that they planned another government, though it is a source of debate). but typically idk about you but i dont call tyranny for someone fighting with another person.

2. he also may be acting with good intent again, in HIS EYES. if tubbo was part of manburg, whos to say he wont be just as bad? he, in his pov, is likely trying to stop another tyrant before they rise.

3. and finally, and tbh the most damning from any perspective: he gives up. he quickly leaves then RETIRES without intent to try and attack again until he is later provoked. tyranny is defined by it not just being power, but power being USED. if he doesn't use his power to try and impose any will, then he's not tyrannical.

Doomsday I am also not going to touch very in depth on for much of the same reasons. My answer is again a "maybe", depending on the weight you personally place on each issue:

1. he's lashing out as revenge for the butcher army and as revenge against tommy for "betraying" him (though this one we explicitly know he was ignoring the fact tommy did not want to go through with it, however he still did trust and respect tommy regardless so his feelings are understandable anyway)

2. he sees new lmanberg as corrupt and tyrannical (which is undeniable: house arrest for noncompliance, exile without counsel, execution without trial, etc), and thus obligated to destroy it

but also, theres the implicit understanding he's doing this to send a message: do not form a government, or else. its a display of force that also works to warn others unless they want a similar fate. phil even explicitly states that he is doing so to send that message, so one could assume techno is doing the same alongside his personal reasoning listed above.

what i just described is the use of a oppressive and harsh (physical) power in order to gain compliance from people (that compliance being 'not making a government'). does that sound familiar? exactly. it follows the definition(s) of tyranny given previously. technoblade is acting in a way that is, by very definition, tyrannical.

so the debate shifts: is he valid in doing so because he is trying to PREVENT corruption and tyranny. like i said, new lmanberg was undeniably corrupt at points. i held nothing against techno for trying to topple manburg, so does that apply to new lmanberg as well? short answer: i dont know. it depends on your specific opinion of what is acceptable. its like the paradox of tolerance: to have a truly tolerant society, you have to be intolerant of intolerance. to have a truly non-tyrannical society, do you need to have a tyranny enforcing it?

personally (and bc im a lmanberg loyalist /hj) i say it is. regardless of the corruption of new lmanberg, they are also giving a threat to EVERYONE. even those who are innocent, they are presented with the exact same threat and rule set: if you make a government, you will be destroyed.

(which, small divergence here, is part of why debating c!techno is so frustrating. so many times you end up hitting a "well it depends on your political views" situation and there ISNT a correct answer there. im here to analyze characters for fun, not debate political theory)

so: the syndicate then. this is where this debate really "took off" and i think its due to one very specific miscommunication about its goals and plans. the syndicate, upon formation, declares itself to stand against corruption and tyranny. when they are found, the syndicate would work to destroy it. so heres the golden question: what do THEY define as corruption and tyranny? if you were to go off c!techno's previous statements, seemingly "any government" is a valid answer. however, he also states he's fine with people just being in groups together hanging together.

what then DEFINES A GOVERNMENT for them? what lines do they have to sort out what does "deserve to be destroyed" and what does "deserve to exist freely"

this is a hypothetical i like to post when it comes to syndicate discourse:

i have a group of people. lets say 5 or so for example. they all live together and build together. any decisions made that would impact the entire group they make together and they must have a unanimous agreement in order to proceed, but otherwise they are free to be their own people and do their own thing. when you ask them, they tell you they are their own nation and they have a very clearly defined government: they are a direct democracy. does the syndicate have an obligation to attack?

there is absolutely no hierarchy present. there is no corruption present. but, they ARE indeed a government. is that then inherently negative? my answer is fuck no (see the whole "difference between a tyrant and a leader" thing above).

but THATS where the issue of this discourse LIES. in some people's eyes, the answer to that is YES. techno's made it clear "no government" is his personal view, but does that spread to the syndicate as a whole? do they act preemptively in case it DOES become corrupt? is it inherently corrupt because its a government, regardless of how it is ruled? the fact of the matter is because of how little we've seen the syndicate work as a SYNDICATE, we don't know that answer. so we're left to debate and speculate HOW they would act.

if the syndicate were to let that government exist, then they are not tyrannical. they are showing that they are working to stop tyranny and corruption, just like in pogtopia again.

if the syndicate were to destroy/attack that government, then they are tyrannical. simple as that. they are enforcing a rule of their own creation without any nuance or flexibility under the threat of absolute destruction.

miscommunication in debates comes, in my opinion, in the above. of course theres more points of nuance. for example:

would the syndicate allow a government like i had described with early lmanberg, where there is an established hierarchy but everyone in the country consents to said leadership? on one hand, there is no tyranny or corruption present which is what they are trying to work against. on the other hand, theres more a possibility of it occuring. perhaps they'd find a middle road between the two binary options of "leave or destroy" i am presenting, such as checking in occasionally to ensure no corruption occurs.

but if they were to destroy it without, for lack of a better word, "giving it a chance" they would be, in my opinion, tyrannical. they would be going aginst their words of opposing corruption and instead abusing their power to gain compliance.

your/others opinions may differ, again it depends on if you see it as worth it to possibly stop future tyranny or if a hierarchy is INHERENTLY a negative thing.

part of the reason so many blog gave up this debate, beyond not getting very clear answers for the syndicate, is because of the nuance present. there. is. no. right. answer. every single person will view it differently, because there is no universally agreed upon truth of right or wrong here. BUT, i hope this helps shed some light on the discussion and my thoughts on it

#dream smp #mcyt #techno #syndicate analysis #YEAH IM MAINTAGGING WHAT OF IT #also i-- idk if it should be crit tagged? i tried to be as fair and open as possible #lemme know what yall think #ANYWAY ANON IM SO FUCKING SORRY THIS THING ENDED UP 2.3K WORDS LONG #I JUST RLLY WNATED TO BE THOUROUGH AND AS FUCKING CENTRIST /HJ AS POSSIBLE FJDKSLFJ #its very nuanced and theres no right answer but you sure as hell know mine now #answered #anon #im at work rn im gonna get fucking fired for this FJDKSFJKL #/HJ HOPEFULLY IN THAT I AM AT WORK BUT I WONT GET FIRED #og post #(jeb bush voice) please clap

[gagmebucky]

Hi, I just really wanted to rant about something and I don’t really want to talk about it with anyone I know irl so…

My dad is just a normal guy in every sense of the word, good and bad. One thing that’s bothered me for a while now is how I recognized he talks to my mom and while it’s not degrading, it’s just entitled and annoying.

Since my brother and I were born, she quit her job to take care of us so he’s been the one primarily earning money. This arrangement hasn’t put our family in any type of financial jeopardy at all, we live in a nice house in a nice area and his job combined with the money he makes from his previous service in the military makes him around 150k a year. One thing I’d like to note is that he works a normal 8 to 5 job. But for a year or so the majority of his company has switched to a12 hours day so they get a three day weekend every week.

Now I know you may be wondering what money has to do with any of this and I promise that I’ll get to that part I’m just really angry and need to get this all off of my chest.

Anyways, my mom started working again 2-3 years ago at his request and now she works AND does all the stereotypical motherly things (cooks dinner, cleans, any other odd jobs that need to be done around the house)

All the while my mom has been doing this, my dad does his 12 hour days (including lunch in those 12 hours) and he’s allowed to take 10 minute breaks and most often times watch tv in the background while he’s working (he’s been working from home since COVID and doesn’t have any plans to go back since his job is mostly on the computer anyways other than a couple in-person meetings a month)

After my dad is done with work, he basically retires for the night and just watches tv while waiting for mom to serve him whatever food or leftovers she’s put on a plate for him.

Now, I get to the current issue.

My mom doesn’t ask for much or even anything from him in terms of helping her. But there are just some things that make me angry when he says them.

In the past couple of weeks for pretty much the 1st consistent time since March, my dad started walking and exercising again which he does outside or in the garage. My father has naturally oily skin, and even if he didn’t, he is exercising so his skin will be sticky and sweaty! RIGHT!?!?!

However when my mom brought it up a couple days ago she didn’t even say what we both were thinking which was YOU STINK AND ARE THEREFORE MAKING THE HOUSE STINK!!!

Instead, she politely asked if he would take a shower since he worked out and specificied that she was telling him this out of love without even mentioning him stinking up the house or more specifically the kitchen that he was in.

Instead of understanding that exercise makes you sweat and sweat makes you smell, he snarkelly shot back, that he had something to tell her out of love too. And although he trailed off with a cocky laugh, the context of the situation and his numerous past suggestions obviously implied that he was talking about my mom’s weight.

I would like to specify that my mother is not obese or unhealthy, in fact she eats considerably less junk food than he does. And even if she was, it did not prompt my dad making that “joke”.

Now fast forward a few minutes, my mom and I left to go grocery shopping for the food she would make for him without him even having to lift a finger. She ranted to me that him needing to take a shower had nothing to do with her weight. From what she was saying I could tell that she wasn’t that angry about what he said about her weight, but more so about him deflecting the conversation from his smellyness to her (which is something he does often so he doesn’t look like the “bad guy”)

Now to today, my father once again “joked” with my mom when asked if he would honestly like to help her blow dry her hair (I say honestly because she wanted his honest opinion on whether he would like to do it or not, and it was something she never really needs help with but she wanted to spend time with him) he said that he needs to consult the “guy’s handbook” to figure out if that was a trick question. (My father is 55 years old and they’ve been married for 30 something years)

I’m sure there’s a psychological reason why I got so angry at him but I’m not going to settle that I was once again tired that he treated my mom like crap despite her doing everything for him. So I told him that my mom was being serious and it wasn’t a trick question.

I (kinda) knew that he knew this, and was trying to make a joke. But explaining it was my version of the whole “I don’t understand your ‘joke’ please explain it to me” in an attempt to discourage him from making it again.

But in an event that I would have seen coming if I wasn’t so angry, it didn’t work and he instead got mad at me. Recognizing that I could have handled the situation better, I just apologized however I was crying because of his rant that I wasn’t a part of the conversation and shouldn’t have stepped in . (I normally wouldn’t be so sensitive but for some reason it’s like everytime I have a family argument it’s that time of the month so I’m emotionally sensitive)

I retreated back into my room and apparently I wasn’t crying as quietly as I thought I was because be he then knocked on my door, then demanded that I come out and “spend time with him” so he could know what was wrong.

Now, I thought this was code for I’m going to apologize, but no… he literally didn’t understand that his words hurt my feelings and demanded that I tell him what was “really” wrong as if him yelling at me wasn’t a good enough reason to be crying.

After curtly telling him what was wrong in so many words as to not offend him further. He dryly apologized before defending himself and saying that it wasn’t his fault that I got angry and he was just trying to make a joke that he insisted would apparently be funny if I didn’t cut in. Then he dryly promised that he would try to treat my mother nicer and not make as many “jokes” because he can tell how much it affects me.

There is probably more to the story that I forgot to leave out. And I kinda want to know if I’m in the wrong in the situation or not. And reading back over this i am definitely biased but if you can manage to remove the emotion from my words then those are honestly the facts about what happened.

I recognize that I am selfish, he actually told me that one, but looking back over my life I know that I have been rude when “defending” my mom. I put it in quotations because my mom doesn’t need defending and she is more than capable to speaking up when there’s a big problem.

But I just get annoyed at people when they rudely deny her some of the smaller things she requests like help blow drying her hair and things she won’t insist on them helping on. I’d understand if kindly said no thanks or I can’t do it right now, but he just had to joke about it and be curt in his response for no reason.

All in all I’m just so angry that it is impossible for him to acknowledge what he did wrong without defending that actions that make someone sad or angry in the first place.

But anyways, I am extremely sorry for the rant and writing so much and I honestly don’t blame you if you didn’t even read all of this. I just wanted to tell someone and I love how your blog is so open and judgement free and you don’t act like you have all the answers of what is right or wrong but you just give your opinion and help when you can. Thanks so much for listening (reading, really) and I appreciate you so much!

baby, you didn’t do ANYTHING wrong. you are the opposite of selfish — your dad was being a fucking dick to your mom and you stood up for her. you had every right to be angry, and if i were you, i would’ve said some low blow, disrespectful, kick-me-out-of-the-house ass shit.

i think (respectfully) you’re over analyzing yourself to find fault in yourself when it isn’t really there in my opinion. he’s complaining that you’re rude when he was the rude one and you literally just defending your mom. being rude is like “you stinky piece of shit, im gonna fucking drown you in bleach and lets see you make another fuckin comment BITCH”

but you did not do that therefore his argument is invalid. i can only say so much because it’s you in the thick of it but it definitely seems like your dad’s arrogant and entitled personality is so overbearing that it makes you be harder on yourself than you should be. i think, legally, you should get hit him once with a bat, non lethally of course (unless….. haha…?). i just know personally dealing with that personality type can create a LOT of contained anger.

anyway, im rly sorry you have to deal w him. i feel like you have a lot of weight on your shoulders and you seem so sweet and nice and you do not deserve to have to give your energy to that :(

#i would’ve said some vile things i wouldve said things that would make him disown me #i would poured a little rat posion in his drink just enough to make him sick not to like kill yknow #if it isn’t clear I… I have a lot of violent feelings and am a little… insane #ILU AND IM SORRY U HAD TO DEAL W THAT #q answers

[mortuarybees]

do u have any more good omens fic recs?

oh boy do i. some of them are fics that i have included in my fic rec tag so if you’ve been in that bear with me there will also be others. basically my preferred and only accepted genre of anything is “unbearably tender” and “aziraphale is extremely neurotic and crowley loves him anyway” it’s therapeutic

at some point im going to update the original reference post with like. all the amazing content ive come across since making it but until then:

one may tolerate a world of demons for the sake of an angel by lumosity aka @femmeaziraphale aka my very best friend

they have started another fic intended to destroy my life in which hell wins the next round and divines a special torment for crowley pls read it and encourage them to finish it because they don’t believe me when i tell them it’s amazing and i am  d e s p e r a t e  for more.

 “You know, you’re very familiar,” Aziraphale said, breath stinking of the sweet wine.

 “Oh? I guess I look like many goat herders,” Crowley allowed. Aziraphale snorted, nudging Crowley’s shoulder clumsily.

 “No! I mean that you just seem like someone I’ve known before,” Aziraphale said. Crowley felt that familiar ache in his chest. Suddenly he wished he was sober.

 “I have a common face,” Crowley dodged.

 “Say whatever you like, but I feel like we fit together quite nicely,” Aziraphale said, resting his head against the bark of the tree. Crowley took the opportunity to watch Aziraphale while he had his eyes closed. There were the same old blonde eyelashes against his cheeks, the one little drop of sunlight that formed a mole at the corner of his eye. Crowley wished to kiss his cheek only once. An apology for not losing. For not giving Aziraphale an eternity of listening to celestial harmonies.

wings and how to hide them by triedunture

Crowley's been annoyingly in love for six thousand years. What's another lifetime between friends? // if you follow me you’ve probably seen me post or quote certain excerpts a million times you may recognize it as His Body Is A Place And It’s Filled With Love.

He swallowed. So bloody awkward, staring up at Aziraphale like this, having his face held. Was he supposed to maintain eye contact? It seemed impossible. His gaze darted away.

"Keep your eyes fixed on me," Aziraphale admonished, giving his cheek a little pat. "Try to imagine, I don't know...slipping into my body the way you'd slip into a new coat." His smile was weak.

Crowley made a face. "Sounds grotesque."

"It isn't! Come now." His voice and eyes softened. "Please. Try."

Deep breath in. He would try. For Aziraphale's sake. "All right." He opened his eyes, held Aziraphale's plaintive stare, and pictured how it would feel. To be a part of Aziraphale. To be held inside him, to surround him at the same time.

To be loved.

hand in unlovable hand by courfeyrock (les mis solidarity)

“Goodnight, my dear,” he says, and Crowley swears, Aziraphale could call him my dear for six thousand more years and he still wouldn’t be able to get used to it. // it’s tender it’s bed sharing it’s “i love you in the human way” it’s quoting that unspeakable broadchurch scene its title is from no children by tmg; in short, it’s specifically designed to torment me.

Crowley’s head snaps around as if on a swivel. “Shall we… what?”

“Go to sleep? Normally I would love to stay up and have a drink or a chat but you see I really am exhausted and I--”

“Yes, yes, of course.”  Idiot,  Crowley thinks.  I am such an idiot.  "I'll uh, I'll sleep underneath the covers, and you can sleep on top." He waves his hand in a forcefully casual gesture that he hopes conveys just how normal it is for two platonic friends to be having this conversation.

everything just stops by witching

they are drunk and crowley wants to take a bath so he miracles one and they have. the most unbearable conversation ever fucking put to fiction literally returning to it to select one single quote was nearly impossible for me emotionally. god the tenderness the yearning!!!! “i like your silly aziraphale things”!!!!!!!!!! “i love you deep, angel”!!!!!! i hate it! just read it please i cant actually keep describing it or i’ll have to lay down for a little while.

 “Are you –” the angel’s voice was hoarse, and he paused to clear his throat, “are you playing some sort of game right now?”[....]

“I am not,” Crowley whispered fervently, his face frighteningly close to Aziraphale’s. “Six thousand yearsss, angel. You’re a part of me, and I jussst – just wanted you to know, is all.”

 Without warning, Aziraphale reached with both hands to pull Crowley in closer, forcing him to drop his own hand from the angel’s face. Aziraphale held him gently, pressing a single chaste kiss to the demon’s forehead, his lips lingering as his thumbs slid tenderly along his cheekbones, his fingers wrapped up in dark, dripping hair.

 When Crowley responded not by recoiling, as Aziraphale had expected, but by melting against his skin and sighing contentedly, the angel placed another kiss on one cheek, then the other. He moved to kiss Crowley’s eyelids, his jawline, his chin, the corners of his mouth, all the time cradling Crowley’s head in his hands, waiting for the other shoe to drop, for Crowley to rebuff his affection.

Crowley, ever one to defy expectations, continued to allow the angel to kiss his face to his heart’s content. It was only when he heard Crowley sniff and let out a pitiful whimper that he pulled back, looking at the demon with concern.

hard feelings/loveless by witching

Aziraphale said it was like the opposite of the feeling you’re having when you say things like “this feels spooky.” Crowley didn’t know what to make of that, but he expected it was something like the opposite of the feeling you get when the only person who truly knows you makes a cryptic remark suggesting that you can’t understand love. Crowley understood love all too well. // crowley. crowley can’t sense love bc he is so goddamn full of love that he can’t see past it he’s just so full of it that he can’t separate it from just how he always is  c r o w l e y. also angelic/demonic mindmelding.

“What about - I mean, if that’s… love,” he struggled to get the word out, “then what’s this other feeling? The one that I’ve been calling love for all this time?”

 “I don’t know,” Aziraphale said. “I can’t possibly imagine.” He didn't have to voice his surprise at the fact that Crowley had an emotion he called love. It wasn't that he had truly thought Crowley was incapable of such an emotion; he was deeply aware of the power and range of the demon's feelings. He simply hadn't thought that Crowley was in tune with his own mind enough to understand it in those terms.

 “Can I show you?” Crowley blurted without thinking.

come as you are by punkfaery (explicit; trigger warning for body dysmorphia and disordered eating)

Aziraphale visits a modern art gallery, goes on a diet, and submits to the mortifying ordeal of being known. Not necessarily in that order. // this mugged me in an alleyway and ruined me emotionally for a whole night but like whatever. it starts with a mary oliver quote so idk what i expected

He dragged a kitchen chair out and sat in it, looking like he wanted to set fire to things with the power of his mind. He was probably angry enough to try it, too. Aziraphale moved a nearby copy of The Earth Compels out of the way, just in case. “It wasn’t really because of him,” he said. “It just made me realise, that’s all.”

“Realise what?”

Aziraphale swallowed. “That I’m not… quite as I should be. That you deserve better.” He lowered his head, feeling wretched. “That’s all. I’m sorry I didn’t say something from the start, but it seemed like a difficult sort of thing to bring up.”

Crowley’s face was indescribable.

“You thought I’d stop liking you because you’re not thin,” he said. His voice was utterly toneless. A muscle ticked in his jaw.

“Well, naturally when you say it like that it sounds – ”

“Seriously? After six thousand years of, of whatever you want to call this? After we literally saved the fucking world together?”

salinity (and other measurements of brackish water) by drawlight

It's an odd thing, getting on after the End of the World. Crowley takes to sea-watching. // michael sheen has read and recommended it. god. it starts with a quote from eros the bittersweet. it took me a full half hour to read past the first paragraph or so it’s so Much.

"I want to see you cook." (Something made from his hands. Something purely Crowley. Nothing pulled from the ether. Nothing sourced and given, no. Something made from his hands.)

He looks at his hands. Holds them up, splays them against the shale backdrop of his ceiling. His hands are always the same, day to day. They are clean but stained. His long and dawdling fingers, his bit of knuckles, his veins and tendons beginning to show a little more. Yes, more, he doesn't know the age of his body but he keeps it somewhere here, at indeterminate forty. There is a hangnail on the ring finger, there are stains of belladonna on the sides, on the rough spots.

Belladonna, that green plant sick with chlorophyll, sick with poison. Crowley is a gardener and he grows belladonna in his bedroom. He knows poisons the way Aziraphale knows the Dewey Decimal System. Yes, he knows them intimately, bent over his long counter, pulling the leaves apart, peeling the stems. Crushing the seeds. He knows not to lick his fingers after, that the leaves and berries are toxic to a grown man, that maybe even Livia had used it once, dripped into Augustus' wine. Not, really, that poisons would  matter  . It’s one of those little perks of the demon gig, that whole  immortality thing. What can get at him; what can cut it short? Only holy water and other blessed things. (Aziraphale is an angel, made out of blessed things. Crowley does not know how it might be to kiss him, mouth to wet mouth. If holy water might burn him, what can he expect from the freshwater mouth of an angel?)

birds of a feather by idiopathicsmile

Aziraphale nests. Crowley relearns some crucial facts about angelic courtship rituals. // look....im weak for home decorating as proxy or metaphor for domesticity and familiarity and this trope is literally this. i die

“Demons definitely don’t court,” says Crowley. “They fuck sometimes, but it’s—I don’t know if you’ve ever seen anything about the mating practices of insects but it’s more—like that. There’s no guarantee all parties will come out in one piece. Never seemed worth it, frankly. I like my pieces where they are.”

Aziraphale takes this all in with a series of slow, horrified nods.

“Wait,” says Crowley, “what do angels do?” He’s never pictured angels engaging with each other at all, outside of maybe mandatory team-building exercises.

“They nest,” says Aziraphale.

Crowley waits for this to all make sense. “What, instead of fucking?”

“No,” says Aziraphale primly. “Not  instead. It’s—it’s part of the courtship ritual. You have to be able to build a decent nest if you want to be seen as a viable mate—”

“Like birds,” Crowley repeats, disbelieving.

“Not like birds, birds got it from us,” shrills Aziraphale.

men have gone to heaven for smaller things than that by mercuryhatter

Aziraphale finds an age slipping away from him. // aziraphale and crowley attend robbie ross’ funeral, and aziraphale mourns the loss of the old circle. also there’s some brief dunking on bosie. i adore this fic with my whole heart

“Listen.” Aziraphale took Crowley’s elbow and dragged him out of earshot of the funeral, releasing him under a nearby tree. “It’s not that I’m not glad you’re back. Remember that, because I’m about to be very short with you, but it’s not that.” He raised an eyebrow questioningly and Crowley nodded.

“That being said.” Aziraphale took a deep breath. His voice was shaking slightly and he tried to press it back to steadiness inside his throat. “You will not get near one more human under my charge this decade, are we clear?”

“Angel–” Crowley started, surprised, but Aziraphale cut him off. Fury was bubbling up inside of him, bright and brittle and with a deeply-buried thread of exhaustion that he couldn’t afford to think too long about.

“No.”

where you stay i will stay by mercuryhatter

at the hundred guineas club, men went under women’s names. aziraphale went by naomi and he paid! to keep ruth free! for crowley!!!! while crowley slept! it stopped my tender heart

“Let’s see. We all know Victoria, of course. Betsey, Henrietta, Georgiana, Chastity, that’s rich, and Temperance too, particular friends of each other, I imagine? A few Elizabeths, not particularly creative… oh.” Crowley nudged Aziraphale until he peeked up from his place hidden in Crowley’s sweater. “Aziraphale.”

“No, dear, I didn’t put that one down.” Crowley huffed in fond exasperation.

“No, honey, you put Naomi.”

“So I did.”

“And… I don’t see a Ruth.”

“No,” Aziraphale sighed. “No, I paid them an extra hundred pounds a year to hold that one for me.”

“For you or for…”

and this isn’t a fic but another essay that means the world to me, making an effort: queer (trans) masculinity in the ethereal & occult beings of good omens by elegantidler and irisbleufic

#henry speaks #good omens #fic rec #ineffable husbands

[tiffgeorgina]

fuck it black monday soulmate au

this one goes out to brit pricevore and that damn quote rt about hating soulmate aus. also to all the time i wasted in the shower last night thinking about this. brit if you’re reading this i have done my part. 

this fic is sponsored by the hyuna and LE collab that i cannot stop blasting. it’s called blacklist and it kind of invented music

-ok so im starting with mo and dawn because of fucking course i am

-mo spends like four years in prison starting from when he’s 20 or 21 or sum shit. around this time, dawn’s getting her MBA from northwestern. as soon as mo’s out of prison, jammer stakes the jammer group and hands majority ownership over to mo. alright so mo needs some employees he can’t do all this by himself. so he schedules an interview with dawn and meets her and realizes that this is His Soulmate. 

-im not really certain what the exact soulmate au would be for this because frankly i don’t care, i don’t want to get into that rn lol. but it’s something obvious and clear-cut, like seeing color for the first time when you make eye contact with your soulmate or smth. Actually i rly like that idea so im gonna roll with it. Fuck it you see color the first time the first time you touch your soulmate (i’ll get into the general implications of this some more later on, maybe after keith/mike’s part stay tuned xx) i love me some ambiguous soulmate aus but all the relationships in this show are ambiguous enough so i’ll pass in that regard this time. also in this universe, your soulmate isn’t necessarily regarded as your romantic partner for life. some conservatives/evangelists/fundamentalists/traditionalists will consider any marriage/sexual or romantic relationships with people other than your soulmate to be an abomination or w/e, and the 80s were pretty conservative, but they were also pretty weird, so a lot of people give zero fucks and will date/fuck/marry whoever. these people tend to regard soulmates as the most important person in your life, regardless of the nature of your relationship with them. some people’s soulmates are like a parent to them, and could never imagine being romantic/sexual with them. lots of people never meet their soulmates due to distance/death/etc. basically fate is not as all-knowing in this soulmate au as it is in some others. there is more to a long-lasting, successful romantic relationship than just love. back in the 40s or whatever, people would meet their soulmates and marry like two weeks later, never having had sex or a romantic relationship with anybody else, and then two days into the marriage they realize how devastatingly incompatible they are and the relationship crumbles under the strain of resentment and confusion within a year. people in the 80s have started to learn the lessons the people in the 40s never had time to figure out, so most people have some romantic/sexual experience before they meet their soulmate. besides, who wants to wait that long to have sex? not me tf

-ok back to the plot now that we got the background is down. mo and dawn meet and know they’re soulmates. so they get to know each other, but their main focus is work bc they’ve got a lot of work to do if they want to get anywhere. the company is young, dawn’s just out of school, and mo’s just out of prison. there’s a lot of ground to cover and they’re impatient asf to be rich and powerful. 

-the romance sort of happens naturally, given how much time they spend together, and they fall hard. they start dating, and when it’s great, it’s great. but when it’s bad, it’s fucking horrible. they’re both really underdeveloped as people (should i mention that they both literally just entered the workforce lol) and they just. can’t. get. along. 

-they hire some more people, like keith and yassir and wayne, and even they can tell that their relationship just sucks. they fight all the time over petty shit, and their fights always go way too far and never get properly resolved. sure, the sex is good and they want pretty similar futures (lots of money and no kids), but emotionally, in the short term, they are as incompatible as it gets. they have the same argument that they’ve had a gazillion times about promoting dawn to partner, but this time it goes a little too far. the things they say are a little too hurtful, and at this point, the relationship is a little too broken to salvage. they both know that when dawn storms out that night, it’s the last time. she moves out the next day.

-but she can’t really quit, can she? at this point she’s put in like three years of work at this place, and it’s moving up the ranks, and she’s head trader. she’s not taking a pay cut because she’s too immature to work with her ex-who-is-also-her-soulmate. so she sticks around. it’s a little awkward at first, but she and mo just come to an unspoken agreement that they’ll spend less time together and let themselves detach as much as possible, because at this point, a romantic relationship just seems so impossible, so why try? they can be each other’s most important person without being romantic partners, right? of course they can! Yeah, maybe they were just destined to be platonic soulmates. this will definitely work.

-so dawn meets this guy. his name is spencer. they hit it off right away too. of course, they’re much less compatible (in terms of long-term plans and all that, especially regarding having a family) than she and mo ever were, and the chemistry is nowhere near as electric, but at least they can have a conversation about something other than how much they hate the lehman brothers without screaming at each other. despite how much she knows she doesn’t love him like she still does used to love mo, she thinks she can live the rest of her life like this. they get engaged after dating for a year, and then married after a six month engagement period.

-mo stays single for about a decade or so. the most serious relationship he has isn’t even monogamous and it’s like, barely a year. he tells himself that he’s not looking for love, and he’s much happier to just sleep around and count his money and focus on that. everybody he ever talks to knows this is a bald-faced lie. they choose not to bring it up.

-(IM REALIZING HOW SIMILAR THIS IS TO THE CANON BACKSTORY/PLOT OF BLACK MONDAY IM SCREAMING SHGLKSDFHGLKSDRGHLS WHATEVER IM HAVING FUN) so mo and dawn are still working together and their relationship is... getting better. time heals all wounds right? well, not if you keep rubbing salt in the wound by literally working with your ex-who-is-also-your-soulmate and seeing them everyday. they know subconsciously that they could’ve been really fucking great, if only they hadn’t been such idiots in their 20s. but now that chance is gone, and they both just have to accept that. they still get into fights and shit, but it tends to be over much more superficial stuff. of course, people without fifteen years of history don’t get into screaming matches over tiny shit like they do. but that’s the territory of working with your ex-who-is-also-your-soulmate.

-so mo has this stupid fucking idea that he doesn’t even run by dawn before throwing $60 mil on it, because of course he does. so she has no choice but to go with it. they hire this kid, his name is blair, because they need him to pull this off. blair finds out that mo and dawn are soulmates who used to date but don’t anymore, and he’s really not even that surprised. of course, it’s weird to find out that your bosses whom you’re weirdly close to, who seem to hate each other, used to be in love and date and the whole nine yards and all that, but it makes a lot of sense.

-so they go off to the predator’s ball bc even rich people need money sometimes. you know that scene where they’re walking back to their rooms after that wild ass night, and mo’s like “you want to call it, or?” and dawn’s like “would if i could but im married” and then they get into a fight over collateral shares? fuck that scene entirely. let dawn find out about that 30% collateral shit like the next day or some shit idfc. instead, dawn’s just a smidge drunker than she was in canon, or maybe she was thinking more clearly than she has in a while, and she just fuckin goes for it. she kisses him, and of course he kisses her, and they... sleep in the same room that night. lmfao you know what i mean. and so starts this sort of friends/business-partners-with-benefits thing. 

-they are next level awkward when they get back to NYC, and blair and keith notice the fuck out of it. they aren’t exactly on speaking terms, so they don’t bring it up to each other, but fuck if they don’t bitch about to their respective soulmates (which i will get into)

-dawn feels soooo guilty it’s unreal. But she rationalizes the hell out of it. Her relationship with spencer has a textbook dead bedroom (which is actually sort of canon), and she signed up for monogamy, not celibacy. it’s not her first example of fucked up morals for sleeping with somebody other than her husband, anyways; there are worse things she can do (and has done) than cheat. It’s not fair that he gets to have all the sex he wants while she has to suffer in silence. So she keeps hooking up with mo even if it’s the worst thing she could do for her relationship with him (and her relationship with spencer, who doesn’t even know that she’s met her soulmate, let alone that her soulmate is her fuckin business partner [canon divergent, spencer does not find out about her and mo in 1x02])

-mo feels guilty in theory but really he’s just happy to be with dawn again in some way. They’re never in dawn’s apartment, so there’s no chance they can ever be caught ever. This is fine. They are fine.

-as one can expect, they are not fine and spencer notices dawn acting differently. Eventually she has a couple drinks one night and the guilt overwhelms her so she ends up coming clean. Safe to say she and spencer get that divorce.

-around this time, mo is telling blair about the georgina play, and blair is telling him to go fuck himself. Also around this time, tiff is getting kidnapped.

-dawn immediately suspects that mo did some stupid shit when she finds out mo told blair everything. So she goes to find him, only to find him at his lake house, spreading ashes. After he tells her he knows nothing of tiff’s kidnapping and he’s spreading the ashes of a friend, she relaxes and they spend the night together, just talking over all the shit they’ve been through. They don’t have sex that night, but they feel what they used to feel when they were together 15 years ago.

-in the middle of the night, blair calls dawn in a blind panic, talking about how tiff’s parents arranged her kidnapping for the press without telling her. Blair says, “Let’s you and me run the georgina play. That’s right, i know you knew, you’re too smart not to” and dawn says “no.” she doesn’t give excuses or anything, she puts her foot down because she will not let this kid she’s known for barely a year convince her to fuck up the most fulfilling relationship she’s ever had as soon as they get to a good place again. She tells him she’ll run the play with him, but it’s not gonna be against mo. either all three of them are fucked with mo and dawn $60 mil in the hole and blair out of a job, or all three of them can be filthy rich and successful. That’s the deal. Blair says he’ll call her back tomorrow.

-the next morning, mo and dawn are talking on the doorstep, and mo brings up the georgina play and how the kid fuckin hates him now, and there’s no chance of pulling off the play bc he quit. Dawn’s like “yeah, about that… we need to schedule a meeting with him” and mo’s like “what for?” and dawn’s like “i spoke to him last night, his fiancée’s kidnapping was a sham that her parents pulled off and he might be in the right headspace to fuck them over right around now” and mo’s like “holy shit you miracle worker” and they make out and when they walk back into the office, they’re hand in hand. 

-they call blair into the office and they basically just yell at each other for three hours. Keith, yassir, wayne, and ronnie do not know what is going on and frankly they are too afraid to ask. Eventually, they reach an agreement: blair will pull hand over 6% of georgina jeans in exchange for 20% of the jammer group, and another 25% to dawn (after they use blair’s algorithm to grab that last 30% from the lehmans). They shake on it, but none of them leave happy.

-blair’s not exactly happy to fuck over his parents-in-law, and mo isn’t happy to lose majority control of his own company. Dawn lucked out, gaining more power and losing little in the play, but her relationship with both of them is so on-the-rocks that she can’t imagine upholding a business partner relationship with them. This is gonna go so great after blair gets married in *checks watch* like two months.

-so blair gets married and the georgina play is a thing that happens (successfully might i add) and everything is kind of shitty because there are at least two relationships to repair here, and one that’s coming back from the dead. But little by little, they all get to a better place until they’re more or less back at where they were before mo told blair everything and they were all just friends except this time mo and dawn are dating xx

-WHEW and that is that on that. And by that on that i mean that on mo/dawn for this au. Dw im gonna get to blair/tiff and mike/keith and im super excited to write those too but i’ll make sure to put those in a separate post because i don’t think tumblr could handle a +7000 word post lmfao (since this post is nearly 2500 words jesus christ)

-i hoped y’all liked reading this as much as i loved writing it!! Again i love feedback and i read everything y’all say in the tags so please put stuff in the tags bc i love that shit!! Gn xx

#black monday #fanfic #fanfiction #andrew rannells #blair pfaff #mo x dawn #maurice monroe #dawn darcy #dawn towner #fic: bm soulmates #otp: partners. #slander #a million queue lawyers a million queue years to queue out

[thaliamccn-blog]

hello <3 i am diana ( u can call me di if u like ) and i am nineteen, a libra, go by she/her pronouns, n reside in the est timezone !! somethings u should kno about me…i am a girl group stan first and a human second ( stan loona stan twiceblackvelvet stan fromis 9 stan weki meki etc etc ). i am a sansa stark enthusiast and love lana del rey with my whole heart. so that’s basically me !! and now, onto thalia under the cut like this post n i’ll message u to plot!! my discord is we just wanna have some fun !#5522 if u wanna talk there, or i can message u on tumblr im’s <3

↪ son naeun. she/her. cis female. ╱ i thought i saw thalia moon getting questioned by the police. the twenty-two year old is in their third year at west bridge studying fashion design. they were at manon’s party because manon was wearing one of her designs. do you think they had something to do with her death? + eyes stained by glitter and mascara, the feeling of isolation among a crowd of people, smoking a cigarette with a glass of red wine. ◜ diana. 19. est. she/her. ◞

ok i’m gonna do my very best to keep this short because whew,,,, i’m a rambler asjdhkdjh 

i guess i will start off by saying she’s aquarius sun scorpio moon...so that’s some indication of her personality ajksdshdh,,,

she is bisexual

here is her pinterest so u can get 2 know her aesthetic <33

now onto some backstory

her father owns a development company (basically think bart bass from gossip girl but she is not chuck bass because he’s gross) and her mom is a socialite

she was raised in a wealthy family on the upper east side (nyc). she is an only child, so she grew up weaned on expensive items and became a bit materialistic because of it

because she was an only child people assumed she was always the center of attention but the truth is her parents were very neglectful of her...n she grew up to be pretty emotionally stunted whew she literally cannot deal with her emotions but we’ll get to that

her parents never really wanted kids, they just had thalia to present a family-friendly image, so they used her whenever the cameras were around

during her high school years her father ran into a bit of legal trouble because of a building he owned that burned down. he had buried the story, but word was beginning to come out again (yes i’m ripping off gossip girl ASHDKJH)

her parents divorced because of the scandal, among other things. the two of them constantly fought ever since thalia was a child, but her mom decided to remove herself from the scandal while she still had the chance (which is exactly what her moms father, aka thalia’s grandfather, told her to do)

after the divorce, thalia was left in her father’s care

during the scandal, she began to lash out and rebel against her father specifically, but he threatened to take away her trust fund if she did not behave herself. he needed thalia’s help in maintaining his image

so she agreed to stop lashing out publicly, but still continued her lifestyle on the lowkey

she always managed to get herself into trouble, but also found her way out of it one way or another

thalia took an interest in fashion design early on in her high school years and was able get two internships while she was still in high school

after the divorce, she barely ever saw her mom. not that it mattered because she didn’t see her much in the first place, but her mother ended up remarrying suddenly became a family person, leaving thalia to feel extremely bitter

as all negative things did when it came to her father, the scandal blew over and the truth went unnoticed yet again

when it was time for her to go to college, her father basically told her now that she was an adult he did not care to see her much anymore. he said her trust fund was still in place and to not hurt his image, otherwise he would take it away, but he basically severed ties. this is why she decided to move away from her home in new york city and go somewhere she thought she could be more lowkey

she hates her parents, especially her father and wants to make her own money and stop relying on her trust fund, but she’s also too materialistic to give it up...rip

and here we have some quick words about her personality:

thalia is very closed off and has a hard time trusting people

she is not necessarily shy, but feels she is often misunderstood, which is one of the reasons she is never at the center of any social event and likes to hangout along the sidelines instead

thalia is always down to try new things, she is literally up for anything. she’s the type of person who gets bored easily, so she’s always seeking the next thrill

i would not say shes mean (she can be) but she just doesn’t have the most welcoming personality, and maybe she can come off as intimidating (that’s up to ur characters of course)

her view on the world is very negative, she’s most definitely a cynic

the party/manon incident:

thalia was at the party because she asked manon to wear one of her designs. due manon being extremely popular, thalia figured she could get more recognition as a designer by asking her to wear one of her designs

she attended the party to see how people were reacting to her dress, and also because she probably would have attended anyway

she wouldn’t have exactly considered manon a friend, but manon was one of the few people thalia didn’t mistrust, so when her dead body was discovered, thalia was definitely taken aback

thalia was definitely under the influence of something, so she probably doesnt remember that night all too well

when it came to the pact, thalia was quick to agree to it. her father’s one condition for her to keep her trust fund was to stay out of trouble. she knew he could probably have saved her from the mess, but she did not want to have to seek his help

she feels weird being apart of this pact, considering she probably doesn’t trust most of them, but she also didn’t know what else to do

plot ideas (if i remember i’ll strike them out when they get taken):

step siblings - either side of her family, her mom remarried and her dad definitely could have so i would looove step sibling plots. they can b on friendlier terms, or hate each other, literally anything would work

party buddies - this is pretty basic and self explanatory, but someone thalia can go out and have fun with. their friendship is most likely surface level, or prob started that way, but it’s possible they became deeper friends (maybe thalia opened up one day when she was most likely under the influence of something)

ex-fling - thalia is definitely the non-committal type so i doubt she would ever have an ex bf or gf, but it could still have been a serious un-labeled relationship, or just an ex fling. they could be on bad terms, good terms, still have feelings, not have feelings, u name it

unrequited crush -  ur character could have feelings for thalia, but being the way she is, she doesn’t feel them back. this could develop into thalia eventually having feelings for ur muse, or not, whatever we want! OR thalia could have a crush on someone who does not like her back. maybe they’re even more emotionally unavailable than she is, or they simply do not like her back. we could plot this out however

current fling/“friends” w benefits - someone she is currently seeing/sleeping with. could be no strings attached, or there could b some feelings there. maybe they don’t want to make it anything serious, or maybe they’re ready to take it to the next level. maybe one person is ready to go further, and the other isn’t. i put “friends” in parenthesis because she probably doesn’t have many friends

enemies w benefits - imagine the tension!!! they started out hating each other, but ended up hooking up. maybe it was a one time thing, or maybe they can’t stop going back to each other. i think it would b cool if they kept it a secret, they don’t want anyone else to know. this could develop however we want

ex-friends - someone thalia used to consider a close friend, but they had a falling out for whatever reason n maybe they hate each other now. maybe they want to re-kindle their friendship but don’t know how

sibling-like friendship - someone thalia sees like a sibling. they’re there for each other and look out for one another, always have each other’s backs

dynamic duo - could be thalia’s current best friend. i would say she probably doesn’t have many friends, but this person is prob one of the closest people to her and has actually managed to break down some of her walls

confidant - someone who confides in her or someone she confides in, or they confide in each other. they don’t necessarily have to be friends, but they get along and maybe they talk more in private

rivals - they hate each other for whatever reason. maybe it’s jealousy or their personalities just clash, but for whatever reason they do not get along. i love a good enemies plot. they can just b nasty to each other!!! 

safe haven - *mini drug tw*  i did not know how to label this so i apologize for the name. but i think it would b cool if someone helped thalia out during a bad night. she typically saves herself from bad situations, but one day she couldn’t and luckily ur muse was there to help. maybe she drank too much or did too many drugs or mixed the two and ended up rly bad. either way, i would love for someone to have helped her from a tough time. she would probably feel really confused and guilty and like she owes them. maybe ur muse can manipulate her bc of it and make her do things bc she owes them, or maybe they genuinely had good intentions. i would also b down for a plot about thalia helping out someone else’s muse from a sticky situation!!

bad influence - i would loveeee for thalia to be a bad influence on someone. someone she can corrupt in a way, or just lead down a bad path akshkjhd and get them to try new, and not-so-good, things

good influence - someone to be a good influence on thalia. someone who brings out the best in her and tries to steer her down a better path

partner in crime - someone who does crazy, illegal shit w her. someone who is always down for the next adventure n they have crazy memories together

model/muse - someone who models thalia’s clothes. they could simply just be her model, or maybe they could also double as her muse, someone who inspires her best work. there can b romantic feelings there or it can b totally platonic !!!! but i think someone who models for her would be super fun

photographer - someone she partnered with to take pictures of her designs. it can be a strictly mutually beneficial business partnership, or maybe it spiraled into a sort of friendship where they bring out the best in each other (work wise) and stick together for their different projects.

childhood friends - someone who knew thalia when she grew up. maybe they knew about her weird home life, or maybe their friendship was set up by their parents. maybe they were just friends out of their own free will, but grew apart when they grew older. the possibilities are endless

roommates - they could be on good terms or bad terms. maybe thalia coming home at odd hours of the night doesnt sit well with your muse, or maybe they dont have an issue with it at all. maybe they are starting to get along and hangout more because of being roommates

tldr: thalia is an emotionally unavailable wealthy aspiring fashion designer who has issues with her parents and likes getting into trouble

#ps.intro #✧.° — cuz i be the baddie b barbie tingz › ( ooc. ) #ok this got long but in my defense it was because i included plot ideas ajkdhskjdh #ASHDJKDH i'm so sorry...i rly tried to keep it short #u can skim through <3 #or i can summarize for u <3 #i didnt proof read...i hope everything makes sense #but basically im so excited 2 b here #also i had no idea what i was doing w thalia until i wrote this post whew my virgo moon is shaking at my spontaneity

[icythot-bakuhoe-blog]

Matchup for @irisbunker!

@irisbunker : hey! if it isn’t too much trouble, could i have a romantic/platonic matchup w a student? I’m a 5’2” bi gal with a mop of dark brownblack wavy/curly jaw length hair i wanna dye rose goldish. i’ve got brown eyes and clear framed glasses. I have scars all over my body, some being self harm whilst most are from accidents i had as a child (my most notable ones are a scar on my upper lip and one on my right hand). my fingers are usually covered in bandaids as i bite my nails and the skin around it I have depression/anxiety, and i’m a pretty spacey person. i tend to ramble often and act blunt unintentionally, though i frequently apologize in case i say anything i feel could’ve been offensive to the person im speaking to. I also second guess myself constantly, resulting in a need for reaffirmation that people care about me and clinginess, esp in a relationship. in a relationship id act very flustered with pda yet still crave it, settling for locking pinkies. to me it’s the small things that matter, and i always tell the people i love i care about them and often do so more than i care for myself. others well being is more important than mine in my opinion, and i try my best to listen to their issues and give the best advice i can. im interested in writing, reading, ukulele/guitar/singing, psychology, astrology, cats, and human nature. i have a tendency to analyze people’s motives and personality; thanks to it i can get a relatively good grasp of a person. im emotionally vulnerable and often feel lonely due to my depression, and have been using writing poems/songs as a coping mechanism. sorry if this got too personal ahajha, but thank you in advance!!^^

Of course darling! I do hope you enjoy and have a nice day, love! 💖💝💕

For your romantic matchup, I ship you with Ochako Uraraka! 💘  

WHY’D YOU’D WORK

You and Uraraka are similar yet different, able to relate to one another through your commonalities yet balance each other with what you don’t share. Uraraka is patient and warm, willing to listen to your ramblings without annoyance—in fact, she’d find it cute. She’s not one easily offended, as she too is blunt, and would constantly reassure you that your own straightforwardness, intentional or not, is nothing to apologize for. As you’re one to give advice, you’d try and help her conserve herself and budget her money in a safer way than just skipping meals and missing out on life. Both of you care about others before yourself, and it would lead you two to fulfilling the care for one another that you lack internally.

HEADCANONS

🌷 Being perceptive, Uraraka would notice how much you appreciate small forms of PDA, even if it’s simple pinky-locking or hand-holding. With this, she’d slowly ease into greater lengths, making sure you’re comfortable first, often greeting you with warm hugs and butterfly kisses. You two would be the type to cuddle during the night, Uraraka being the big spoon unless you’d ever request otherwise.

🌷 Seeing your scars would cause Ochako a bit of concern—wanting to talk about it and make sure you’re okay. She’d take it as a later chance to kiss everyone and tell you how beautiful you are, and how your scars show your strength.

🌷  Uraraka is very interested in learning about people and seeing you do things such as writing poems and songs would definitely get her curious. She’d often ask if it was okay to read them, and would praise you for how good they are.

🌷 Sometimes, you’ll find little notes scattered on your belongings with little haikus and poems she made just for you.

“You are filled with doubt

of the magic inside you,

but it’s all I see.”

🌷 The two of you would often spend time together, whether it be doing tasks with one another, doing arts and crafts, talking, or even reading, There are times where the two of you will just sit and discuss things in the late hours of the night, speaking of topics such as psychology and astrology. They’re always some of your favorite times because it can lead to many other things such as deeper conversations and holding each other.

COMPATIBILITY — 96% 

HONORABLE MENTION:

Mezo Shouji !!

For your platonic match up, I pair you with Mina Ashido! 🌺

WHY YOU’D WORK

You and Mina are opposites of each other, though with your natures, it’d be able to create a relationship that would work. Mina is a chatterbox, and can often ramble on in her own terms—though, she’ll make sure to pull you in on the conversation as well. It’d give you a chance to listen and stay interactive. Hell, with your own ramblings, she’d be one to listen and then respond with a resounding enthusiasm to ensure you it’s alright, and you’d both move on. Mina wouldn’t mind your clingy nature, in fact, she’d be a bit clingy yourself, and with that she’d use it to bring you out of your shell and take you places you would have never thought of before.

HEADCANONS

🌸 Seeing that you like singing, Mina would often like to take you out on fun little karaoke nights—sometimes finding places where she can just rent a room for the both of you so you can sing and laugh to your hearts content.

🌸 Her favorite way to greet you would be a surprise hug from behind, often laughing if she catches you off guard before getting onto other things. It can come out of nowhere at times, and she always finds the element of surprise to be very fun.

🌸 There are times where you two like to have a girl’s night, where you just go to one or the other’s dorms and talk about anything and everything. Often times Mina will also take this as an opportunity to mess with your hair or even try and initiate things such as manicures or pedicures.

🌸 Hearing that you want to dye your hair excites Mina, and one day she’ll surprise you by taking you to the salon to get it done. She’ll be excited to see the end product, and maybe want to get her own hair done so you can surprise each other with your new looks. It’ll be something she gushes over for a long time.

COMPATIBILITY — 94%

HONORABLE MENTION:

Momo Yaoyorozu !!

#sprite writes! #bnha matchups #uraraka ochako #bnha ochako #romantic matchup #mina ashido #platonic matchup #bnha #mha #boku no hero academia #bnha x reader #yaoyorozu x reader

[hallwaydodge]

long rambling reflection on my history as a naruto fan and why im deep in kabuto stan mode atm

soo i have been a naruto fan for a uhhh long ass time (17 years now?) and i was deep in fandom for ages before falling off sometime around the start of the war arc...it started with the emotional blow of losing jiraiya (me and a friend read the chapter when it released and just clung to each other sobbing lol, well written, just sad)...the dumbassery of pain resurrecting everyone.....mr sasuke choosing to honor itachi's legacy with destruction....i had not read it in a bit when my friend called me up to ask if i had read the most recent chapter cuz NEJI DIED and i literally lay on a dark basement couch all day sobbing and was deep in grief like couldn't eat or sleep for like the next 2 weeks....i started reading again in bits to see if neji would resurrect (HE DIDNT) and if his legacy would be honored (....) but whatever it was just endless uchiha clusterfucking so i got bored and dropped again, only really returning for Magical Brother Soulmates naruto and sasuke (#NEJI WAS RIGHT) and then the last chapters to see how it ended and gape at the endgame pairings & inojin, the most bizarre looking mf ...

(At least orochimaru ended up okay and pretty, I decided)

anyways, i've consumed a lot of what i missed in my off periods but one thing i never really consumed was the war arc A) cuz im a filthy bitter neji stan until the day i die B) as someone who crusaded hard for tobi NOT to be obito (as i loved them separately but knew if they were combined i would lose all sympathy and affection) (my naruto forum username was literally tobi-chan) and that twist makes my teeth gnash as it's just kinda a bad character story, obito hate club here, and that leading to aforementioned uchiha gangbanging and SPACE ALIEN REINCARNATION PROPHECY MAGIC, something so utterly divorced from what naruto's story used to be... yeah

(have i ever stopped writing my post series neji lives shikaneji epic tho?? no!)

now the other day i saw a mention was like, kabuto is more dragon then snake. i always did wonder about the horns...so i went to go reread the hilarious kabumaru reveal which led to many a joke back in those old forum days -- the chapter was being weirdly hard to find tho and i kept getting distracted by other chapters referenced on his nwiki page and i ended up reading a lot of his backstory (knew in general but) andwar arc stuff, especially him v itachi n sasuke, which i had missed

And i was like? Oh? Heres kishi writing style I've been missing + maturity gained from time? sasuke calling itachi perfect when itachi sympathizes with kabuto because sasuke is too emotionally immature to have that capacity, the submission of identity to authority that drove them to extremes w kabutachi vs sasuke being driven to extremes by well. trauma induced personality but still, his personality, you know, who he simply is ... sasuke then leading into having to resurrect mentor/parental figure orochimaru and ninja presidents to figure out "who am i" which was really "can i choose to help konoha and pals while still being me"

and theres kabuto...forced to Accept Himself by itachi's brainwashing (itachi, who has always had teeth, always been pleasant, always taught) ... kabuto standing there ... orochimaru (who bore witness to all this drama from his cosy place on anko's neck) feeling so much more tired than he has after any other resurrection, giving kabuto those inscrutable looks, removing his presence from kabuto in an absolution, an apology, a return to self that leaves kabuto looking so young and tired and empty), telling sasuke he's fine how he is and also, still young, knowledge inherently ages you in a way trauma, power, and the passage of years can't

(i cant believe orochimaru was trying to stop sasuke for his own purposes. he manipulated sasuke but he never stopped him. ntm following that path allowed orochimaru to get his arms back and just have some fun trolling the mage, so it was a path for from detrimental to him.)

he wants sasuke to keep what childhood, what sentimentality he can -- again, acting the parent

and there's kabuto still. a 'brother son student'* to him, one of his oldest orphans, a follower so loyal and useful orochimaru would never make a vessel out of him even when desperate, and yet kabuto in his search for identity did it anyways -- (remember how he offered himself to oro, back in that whole rotting arms, late sasuke era?) and later orochimaru essentially tells his old teacher (a parental figure to himself) that the reason he's gonna bat for the good guys is because he saw what Trying To Be Like Him led kabuto and the world to, and he wants to, essentially, do better with this child under his charge and instead of imposing his will, see what sasuke can do with All The Knowledge At His Disposal

he told kabuto to form a self around knowledge, but it was knowledge for sake of power ... a descent to madness he himself took from a quiet, helpful child ... as character parallels go, orochimaru has very little in common with sasuke and much more in common with kabuto

"shape them in his own image ..."

now orochimaru was never guardian of the year, what with the fufufu-ing and child experiments, but i disagree with assumptions that the loyalty he inspired was entirely down to Stockholm or fear, because at the end of the day, orochimaru did as many horrific experiments on himself as he did unto others. leadership thru example.

then there's kabuto. kabuto who has hated, tried to kill, resented, feared orochimaru, but also kabuto who also loved and admired orochimaru, saw him as his home, was someone whose company he generally seemed to enjoy, someone he wanted to both be and surpass. someone inspiring

kabuto and orochimaru are alike, so kabuto tried to supplant his identity with the assumption that being alike = having walked the same path = being identical and eventually had to face that he couldn't both love orochimaru and be him, that it was a twisted mirror, that all he has ever been or would ever be was someone who had to make his decisions based not on history or blood or origin or culture, but on what made him happy

so, the orphanage, a home that does not move or die, a brother whom he can love and admire who is so different from him its not a twisted mirror ... a kabuto and orochimaru who do not seem to have interacted in a very long time, but for the whole, they didnt exactly part hatefully or on bad terms, and thus a kabuto who could just as easily make the choice to never see orochimaru again as he could to see orochimaru, if he wants to, if he's sure enough in his own identity to not worry about losing himself again ... he finally has choice, even if he, orochimaru, and sasuke are all restrained by the ethical limits of konoha atm

and uh yeah characters who struggle with their identity & the control others can then exert over them are a favourite of mine?

so what this memoir/meta tl;dr is is just me working out my thoughts this fine friday morning on how yakushi kabuto has, like, objectively, one of the best character arcs in all of naruto -- hell, maybe THE best, and i am sorry to have missed it when it was coming out because just. damn. that's good writing, y'all!

[mifhortunach]

some Unfortunate vague vambling into the void wrt tpf

The book is a grail quest, about ppl - either knowingly or unknowingly - on grail quests, and (with/presuming the small amount that can Ever be discerned about SL) written during/around a time when a grail quest was essentially occurring/could-would be a comfort narrative. Its a surprise (to me at least) that its, as Hopeful(?) as it is*. growth occurs! people move on & move past traumas/big Events(tm)! 

I had wanted to compare it to ‘Inside Llewyn Davis’ for some reason**, but its honestly not especially similar. If one was to take ILD as a starting point, as people/LD trapped in a cycle by the v nature of Who They Are, TPF kinda jumps from that point, or some a point of hitting a level of Rock Bottom and Acting/. For some of the characters its been a more gradual shift into decisive action, (Tracy, ARY Lewis), while w others its a hitting breaking-point/epiphanous kinda thing (Bob, Sid & Danny) - action is Spurred, etc. 

A reading could be taken then, as Action as Redemptive Force, mayhaps***. in certain cases. maybe. Sid & Danny, would probs be the easiest players to be reading this theme from, “fucking up”**** & then immediately deciding ‘yk what! lets find this fckd up old musician dude u/i really loved, and ask him to restart his 60s-70s band but w us in it this time’. SO! then they go from essentially wasting away, getting high & rehashing old routines & watching/critiquing awful (beastiality) pornos, to going on their drug-smuggling funded ‘grail quest’, to meeting & reteaching the dude guitar, to Genuinely /Finding/ the grail - before (thru an act of giving up on Expectations / releasing Bitterness) - giving it up. the previous wallowing / lacking of Authenticity is Absolved though all tht, as is a long standing weirdness between them regarding giving up on what could've been their Original /Actually Lucrative/ band*****. ARY Lewis thru action comes to terms / peace w himself even tho he Doesn't find his grail, Tracy finds a kinda “peace” thru a ‘mortifying ordeal of being known’ thing, etc etc. The man (SG Lee) loves his Things Bigger Than The Self stuff i guess.

As a theme this can maybe Also be seen in reverse/inversion, w Abby (p fckn minor character), not rly being Unredeemed or anything, mostly bc she starts off as one of the ppl Least in the gutter. but from the like, glances/vignettes of her once she leaves the main story ( “[god] has a hack screenwriter’s sense of drama” ), shes now set a drift in a way tht she kinda wasn't before, and as it goes on loses diff aspects of control/certainties in her own life. i don't think shes mabs treated as sympathetically as she maybe ought to be? could the loss of these things be read into as a weird punishment for /NOT/ going on or supporting ppl going on grail quests******** ? idk ! or idk, the ending w PR running off bc he's finally found that cigerette end, and her then missing the Avril Lavigne’s hit early 00s song ‘sk8r boy’ reminiscent bit w S&D ringing her up to send her audio of the 1st of the New round tabyls’ gigs, might be read as her still being Stuck/. everyone else has (to one degree or another) improved their position since the start of the book, except her, as the only thing she now no longer has is a deadweight boyfriend and his kinda grody bffl, otherwise everything is The Same.  

Not surprised tht he (i think?) doesn't think its necessarily aged well? or. that it is no longer Quite as Relevant bc of the internet & stuff - idrk if thats Properly True******* - both bc that kinda thing can Just About still happen, but also bc if there wasn't a p minor mention of 1997 being in the past, you'd probs assume it was set earlier. ditto some of the concerns wrt oh, You Know, fckn, Exoticism/native american/shaman stuff - which i don't think is bad/ignorant/racist! but its always difficult to tell, and everything (but which i legit mean Everything/ in Gen, in The World) could use more Nuance.  

I had smth else i wanted to say, but I've forgotten what it is tbqh - & ofc, this has mostly been an exercise in Thought ReHashment(tm). It might've been that the ending seems Terribly/ Tidy. like, i don't think there could BE another ending? but its very Neat: the Bad are punished, some leads are paired off in a (presumably) cishet coupling, bad feelings are trowelled up & buried, the bois remake a hot, niche & authentic band, Luther Peyote can play the guitar again: Picture Perfect. Its an ending that fits, its an ending tht (i think? idk Anything abt this kinda thing) puts emphasis on the quest-y stuff, and the poss redemption angle; but it feels like a far remove from the kinda squalor of the first while - which is probs another point in its favour, rip.*********   

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*not to say/imply (ofc! ofc!!) tht this might be seen as somewhat ooc of stewart lee, but it still kinda caught me off-guard. poss bc its a Very Tidy wrap-up, and it happens quite fast, i felt. but tht might just be the time that in it. 

**this reason may have been qs of #authenticity! or maybe just bc things/backgrounds/the world are kinda gross

*** “almost. action as redemptive force (as a form off faith/belief? faith/belief as redemptive force - if not in a god, in the World or Others?)” -> thats from the Even Worse! orig version of this, lmao. but also Action as a way of Escape/breaking a cycle

****for want of a better descrip

***** the orig uhm, idfk, them lemon boys, could probs be read into - if one Wanted to read too much into these things mabs - as some kinda weird parallel to the original On The Hour stuff(?) w AL vs L&H, & how they Didn't get royalties/whatever was up there. you'd never be able to be either Accurate or Sure about that though, even w certain traits of S&D being p clearly lifted from L&H, or old SL routines - theyre not Explicit or Perfect cyphers/inserts yk?******

****** following on! (if i may) some of the. not /Tension/,, but smth similar, w S&D often feels. not truly emotionally resolved? or just like, Unclear/ at times. the whole novel speeds up a fair bit once more than 2 (two) characters have to be properly juggled in a scene. [which is to say tht in some real Old L&H interviews, (usually in the ones where L isn't present, lmao) RH says tht SL gets ‘embarrassed’ by having to directly explore how ppl might feel about each other/relationships yk? can't say thats necessarily true! but it Is smth i couldn't help thinking about. but emotional exploration & openness is also the realm of fanfic, so maybe I'm asking too much, fgdksh] 

*******im trying not to use the word ‘necessarily’ here again

******** for the small sum of €5 a month, you too could support a pilgrim on a grail quest

*********tho tbf, could also v much be influenced by the whole thing being written over the better part of a decade, place/s while writing & stuff yk? idfk

#long post / #sorry to ppl who read mores won't work w #i read a kinda (quite) old (2010?) interview where he mentioned poss writing another book - this one being set in heaven lmao #- and i do kinda wonder whats up w that now - but I'm also holding out hope for HIEMCF pt2: comedy skadoo or w/e doing the last couple of #*shows. or at least CRW oof #ppp #as much as the man provided 'self-indulgent footnotes' u KNOW tht if RH had written a novel he would've provided a new re-annotated edition #which would help u read into it SO MUCH MORE than anyone would've originally thought necessary #& u would've gotten a whole buncha WU entries during the course of it as well smdh #now for something Of Worth #& Now! for something of Worth hopefully/ oof #s

[nctsukashii-archive-blog]

Most disliked arc (chapter)? Why?

The saltiest cracker you know is me, Bepsi!10. Most disliked arc (in this case, chapter)? Why? 

I bet you saw this shit comin a mile away huh?

Chapter 2.

Now, it might surprise you, but Hoshi dying isn’t even the worst part of the chapter for me. That’s more emotionally gut punching me and my hopes and dreams that joke characters can live past chapter 3. Actually, Hoshi is without a doubt the BEST part of Chapter 2 even with his death, just because of how amazingly he’s written. 

Sadly, even Hoshi cannot save this chapter from showing just how RUSHED and UNPOLISHED it is. Because holy jeEZ THERE’S A LOT WRONG (albeit it’s personal opinion for the most part). So while you may know them, or may learn something new from my opinion, that’s all cool! Under the cut as Chapter 2 is dissected and torn into to learn why it is sadly, my least fav of V3.

- RUSHED.

Now, this is really easy to see, and I’m sure many others have noticed it as well, but it bears a lot of repeating because it’s a problem. Chapter 2 was rushed to high heavens, in the sense that it mainly serves to push the plot along and nothing more. Things happen too quickly in the story at that point, and while the rest of the game is better off for it, this is the ONLY chapter that REALLY does it so blatantly, and it feels very choking as a result of it.- Tenko’s attachment to Himiko needed to happen, absolutely, but I feel like more should have been done in Chapter 1 to show Tenko trying to talk to her more? Maybe, “OOO maybe himiko wants to be my friend??” and more interactions that show that Tenko isn’t just attaching herself to Himiko b/c she’s “the creepy gay” character. - Toujou becoming the fucking supermaid. This one is the most obvious, but mmm. Everyone relying on her suddenly feels super forced, as characters like Shinguuji and Hoshi and even Maki herself, all ask Toujou to do something for them. It feels out of character for them, and the fact that THAT interaction is the MOST she gets in Chapter 2 before the trial is fucking trash and I’ll explain why in a later point, but you can just TELL that they needed SOMETHING to give her ANY story relevance, and it hurts her character a LOT. - Kaito suddenly wanting to help Maki’s super fucking weird. Maybe if it showed Kaito like “sorry Shuichi maybe later, I wanna try talking to Maki” more in this Chapter to really see that he wants to help her, or even just him going more like “hey Shuichi wanna include Maki in our training? I feel like she could use it.” or ANYTHING that mentions Kaito reaching out to Maki more. Because as it is now, it feels like he’s suddenly placing an all or nothing bet and it makes him, p unlikable at that point b/c Shuichi just goes with it for seemingly no reason because “yeah I guess i gotta progress the plot”. - Those are the main points. Maki is done surprisingly well, actually, she’s really good here. Being sus like that and actually not letting you do FTE’s was cool, and i liked it a lot. Angie’s slow buildup was also pretty good as well, but I think they coulda put Tsumugi in w/ Himiko at some point so it’s not ‘suddenly everyone’s brainwashed!’ in chapter 3, as a slower buildup would do it good! Or at least, more buildup, I should say.

- CLUNKY.

This one is a bit harder to explain, and it goes in hand with the pacing issue, but lemme try. Some of the events and dialogue in Chapter 2 just feel, really clunky? Like, Shuichi’s an emotional guy and I totally understand that, but I don’t think he’d just spill his feelings to the guy that punched him for showing weakness not even 2 days ago? I dunno, maybe it’s just me. It feels like a lot of Chapter 2 was glued into the story as requirements rather than actually to tell a story. It comes in a lot of ways, as previously mentioned a lot of relationships are just ‘suddenly there’ rather than actually built up, IE Kaito and Maki, Tenko and Himiko, etc... and it makes the entire Chapter feel like it’s meshed together with ideas that Kodaka REALLY wanted to be in the game or knew would happen later on, but just couldn’t fit them in, so he shoved them in an early chapter and hoped for the best.

- TOUJOU’S ABILITY TO DO JACK DIDDLY SHIT IN TERMS OF STORY.

Somehow, they managed to make one of the stars of this chapter barely active in it. Can you fucking believe that? Like, no really, if you work off of fan translations I want you to open the translation you have, hit CONTROL+F and search for Toujou and see like, the 30 lines she has before the trial. It’s so MINIMAL, it’s so BASIC, and in those 30 sentences she’s treated like a PLOT DEVICE rather than a CHARACTER. I’m sure a bit of the reason as to why Toujou isn’t as popular as most of the other girls is just how hard the Chapter hits her in terms of not giving her any character development (even in the bonus interaction she’s just “i do this for my job” for fucc sake). Like, even if it was played for a laugh that she’s just so constantly work-focused, or the writing took it as a bit of a punchline for some dry humor (”hey toujou what’re ya doin?” “working.” and just have awkward eye contact and the ‘WOW this is awkward’ thought in Shuichi’s head after a few “...” between the both of them as it happens. easy comedy. see???) it at least would make her seem somewhat important compared to the cast. Honestly, it’s like the Tsumugi Effect but in 2 chapters instead of 6. By doing nothing in terms of plot, she basically puts on this huge fucking sign that says “HEY GUYS IM NOT STORY RELEVANT BECAUSE NOTHING IS HAPPENING TO ME SO I WILL PROBABLY DIE AS A KILLER OR VICTIM” Her trial behavior is really hit or miss as well, because some might find her ruthlessness to be really cool and makes her actually fucking interesting at any point in the story, while others might find it unlikable, excessively cruel, or just out of character for Toujou no matter how desperate she may be. Let alone that her US demographic prolly tanked quite a lot w/ her story focusing on POLITICS of all things (one of the three no-no’s in any conversation), making her very very hard to like, besides on an aesthetic level. Let alone her FTE’s are the worst in the game, as you still barely learn anything about her outside of “im a maid and im good at my job” or other points that the main story already tells you (besides that she once coddled a man so hard he became dependent and that her only weakness is not cutting konjac right ever). It just makes her feel like a barren and incomplete character.

- TOUJOU’S ABILITY TO DO EVERYTHING SO WELL SHE CAN EVEN FUCK HERSELF OVER AMAZINGLY.

Everyone has heard me go on and on about this, but if it doesn’t get said no one will know it so I keep repeating it until the end of time.By making her plan so complex, she basically fucks herself. By making a crime that only someone as competent as her could accomplish, it fucks her because only she can do it. XD. Literally, who do you think would have been able to do all that shit in one night? Saihara’s too weak to drown Hoshi. Don’t fight me on this, because if you seriously believe the detective in training with little self defense training (he worked on infidelity and missing pet/kid cases for fuck sake, his life isn’t really on the line all that often so he prolly wouldn’t know or have to train all that much to protect himself) can take the tennis player that killed over 200 people and has been playing tennis basically all his life (enough to go INTERNATIONAL in MIDDLE SCHOOL) in a fight, we’re gunna need to have a talk.Gonta’s too heavy to use the ropeway.Kiibo’s too heavy to use the ropeway and too weak to carry Hoshi’s body.Himiko’s too weak to drown someone and attempt to shove them in the staircase (which I will touch on real soon here on why even attempting to frame her the way Toujou tried to was dumb as shit).Angie’s... lbr here, prolly missing a few too many tools in her toolbox to really think of a ropeway to kill Hoshi with.Shinguuji’s too weak (and before I get arguments on this, if u think this underweight twig of a man can take out Hoshi when Hoshi’s prolly faster than him and could just run ur wrong)Maki who was the Child Caregiver at the time would be seen as too weak to do anything to Hoshi too (even if she lifts kids, again, Hoshi is fucking rIPPED and has killer legs)Ouma’s too weak (i mean he’s underweight and looks like a twig)Kaito’s a fucking moron when it comes to master plans and wouldn’t have been able to plain something like a ropeway murder (let alone his idol complex wouldn’t have let him kill Hoshi most likely... unless it was a Mondo situation but that’s a later talk)Tenko’s also a fucking moron when it comes to long term planning let alone she wouldn’t touch a man unless to flip him to death, which makes the ropeway seem almost pointlessTsumugi’s too weak to (i mean... rlly. u rlly think she could take him down? under the assumption she isn’t the mastermind ofc at this point in the story, but even then sneak murdering all the kills seems kinda.... eh? too hard for her to do.) Miu’s also a fucking moron that wouldn’t think of using a ropeway (actually, she prolly woulda done the smarter option and just pushed Hoshi’s body out his fucking window since a ropeway would be too much effort)By process of COMMON SENSE, only Toujou would make something so NEEDLESSLY COMPLICATED in an attempt to murder a guy. 

- THE DUMBEST PLAN ON EARTH AND HOW YOU COULD PLAN A SIMILAR MURDER AND GET AWAY WITH IT EASY. 

Toujou’s plan is fucking dumb when you can think of SO many other ways to get Hoshi killed with more leeway as to who coulda done it. So I bring up the window in his lab, because literally you could just push him out of it and the fall would prolly splatter that midget cunt on the ground no problem. Hell, even handcuff him. Nearly anyone could have pushed Hoshi out of the window, meaning there’s a possibility that Maki or Kaito could have done it w/o that stupid fucking ropeway let alone anyone at night (or hell even during the DAY since time of death was obscured), and it wouldn’t LEAVE THE FUCKING GLOVE.MMMM OKAY RANT HERE REAL QUICK I MEAN IT THAT FUCKING TRASH BAG GLOVE IRRITATES ME. Like, hhh I know Kodaka wanted to make a case where something like the glove gets the killer caught, but HOLY SHIT was it poor to use in a case like this. It not only feels like it’s out of place for her not to just get it in the morning, but why the fuck would she use her gloves anyways?? Why not use Hoshi’s hat? Anyone could use Hoshi’s hat as hand protection down the moronic ropeway and since it’s a beanie it’s prolly made of more strong material than I guess whatever her shit gloves are made of, since they tore like fuckin trash when she went down the ropeway. As someone that wears cut and heat protection gloves because of my job, the gloves she uses are HORRIBLY inefficient (let alone if she’s cleaning before touching food w/ them on... like please don’t that can cause so many health problems) to try and stop ropeburn. She could have also just poisoned everyone, or killed them all in their sleep, to make her job easier on herself. Can’t have a trial if no one’s there after all right? No one would suspect Toujou working on her fuckin job to come and snap their necks during the night or w/e, or poison their food before the show. But also framing Himiko is really fucking dumb. Like, she expects me to believe that Himiko, who is only 2 more pounds than Hoshi mind you, managed to drown him and stuff him in that staircase, and pull him out during the show in under a minute. LOL no. Hoshi looks like he can break her arms like fucking toothpicks without even trying?? Let alone her laziness makes it look REALLY hard for her to have planned a fucking murder. The fact that like, the first hour of the trial wants me to believe Himiko could be the killer is asinine, just because of how basically fucking illogical it is.What Toujou could have done instead, was leave his body drowned in the sink. Yeah, it’d be harder because not everyone can drown Hoshi (ie. Himiko and Ouma and prolly a few others that are considered sticks or weak), but there are a lot of people who could, and drowning someone is a lot easier than the stupid ropeway piranha bullshit. OR PUSH HIM OUT HIS WINDOW. JUST KILL EVERYONE THAT WAY COME ON.Actually, she coulda killed two people easy. Just have someone gullible like Saihara come to meet her at night in the lab after she’s already pushed Hoshi out the window (or even just come running to his room with a bullshit excuse that she saw a shadow ‘running away’ and saw that something happened in the tennis lab) and push him out the window too. Boom, makes it look like a murder gone wrong, and the only alibi that’d be able to testify about the events is hers. Easy win, everyone else gets executed.I get it, in the end, it needs to be a solvable mystery in a mystery game, but it ends up making Toujou look like a complete moron as a result of it, which is unfortunate.

- MOTIVE VIDEOS ARE RIGGED AS SHIT.

Upon learning what hers and Hoshi’s are, it seems almost rigged that they would have to be the killer and victim respectively. Hoshi’s telling him to ‘kys’ and Toujou’s saying ‘lol go kill someone’ makes it like... even if everyone else saw theirs that they’d be like.. the only two to really act on theirs besides MAYBE Miu or POSSIBLY Angie. And then we also see Ouma’s?? And his is just actively “lol u don’t kill bitch but u should do it anyways” making it seem almost counter productive. Like, bitch it just said Ouma made a rule that no killing was a thing and u genuinely expect his ass to break that? ha. The odds were stacked against the two of them, which makes it only seem more forced in the long run. Which is great from a meta standpoint, but a story can be meta while still being fun, enjoyable, and flowing functionally and logically. Which this chapter isn’t really.

- THE SADLY NOT REDEEMING BUT STILL SUPER GOOD HOSHI FACTOR.

Now, the one thing that I can praise this chapter for really well despite all its shortcomings is Hoshi’s characterization and his story. For one chapter he really makes a hard hit at the time, and it’s easy to become engrossed in his little background story about him wanting to find a reason to live. The real cherry on top is his writing and his interactions with the few people he interacts with. with Kaito, it really shows the disposition that Kaito has against him and just how Hoshi is so understanding of others and like... nice. Even when he wants a goal that goes against everyone, he still respects them. “I won’t do something reckless to endanger everyone.”, and acknowledging that it’s an entirely selfish reason why he wants to find the videos and will still not hurt anyone to do it. He may have threatened to show Maki’s video to everyone in exchange for his own from her, but he never hits her or directly harms / threatens her w/ violence or anything extremely dirty. It’s respectable. Ohhh, and Saihara’s dynamic with him is just so sPOT ON HERE. Between the great advice and compliments in general he has for Saihara such as “the world can be bright for someone that’s looked down for so long, be careful” and “you’re confident compared to before, like a weight is lifted off your back. it’s a good look for you” and other such flattery, to Hoshi being a bit more open to Saihara about his feelings (feeling jealous about everyone else having a reason to live, wanting to find one himself, openly admitting he feels he has no purpose in his life and wants to find a reason to be happy like everyone else, etc.). But this dynamic goes both ways, as Saihara also can read Hoshi super fucking well. Like, seeing the Tennis Lab is a great example of it. When Hoshi states the past is behind him, Saihara thinks to himself ‘but then why are you looking at the court with such sad eyes Hoshi-kun?’ and it’s like, just really nice that Saihara’s not dense? Like, Hoshi expresses himself pretty poetically, with the way he talks and whatnot, acting like a wise sage type w/ endless wisdom all the time, so Saihara being able to read past all the flowery language to just hear “god i miss tennis” or “im depressed” is really REALLY refreshing, and a nice balance to see. If you do Hoshi’s FTE’s it personally makes it even better, but that’s not a requirement so moving on. Even just Saihara asking him things like “are you doing well?” or “Is this what you want?” or “or just the small but surprisingly deep talks they just seem to have with one another are tiny details that really complete the dynamic that they can both read each other and can react to one another super well. It feels balanced between the both of them, even in Chapter 1, and it’s a shame Hoshi had to die because I would have LOVED to see how far it could go and how much it could have been expanded on in the later chapters. 

Sadly however, no matter how great Hoshi is, it can’t save Chappie 2 from it’s endless faults and gripes that I have with it, that ultimately make the story less entertaining as a result.

#reciprocation :: response #negative tw #//oh yes #my essays never stop when I have such thrilling subjects to rant about #//muaahahahaha!!!! #//thank u for sending in this one too! #//i had a blast with it. #blindedhope #parchments :: inbox

[vwyleigh-rockcliffe]

╰ ° ☽ ( olivia wilde, she/her, heterosexual ) vwyleigh rockliffe is a singer at amare. she’s a mermaid who is age 34/311 years old. some say she’s cunning & resourceful while others say she’s seductive & closed off. she enjoys indulging in rough sex, voyeurism, & teasing . however she’d rather not indulge in scat, golden showers, & rape-play.

So here’s my second charrie, the mysterious and seductive Vwyleigh Rockliffe. Only a handful of people know the whole story of her past life before she came here and she’d would like to keep it that way as much & as long as possible. Alrighty, below is her bio & my biggest appreciation, & eternal love and kisses to anyone to can bear to actually read the whole thing from beginning to end XD..hahaha

The following facts are public knowledge to many, if you would like your character to have already heard/known this fact about her:

She’s a mermaid princess actually. Okie, so I was thinking that instead of the whole friggin sea which is 2/3 of the Earth having only one underwater kingdom, I think it would be more reasonable, exciting and fun to have actually quite a few sea kingdoms co-existing together and thus each of these 4 or 5 kingdoms (im just randomly spouting out numbers incase any new members come in and wants to be a mer-royalty too :) ) are ruling their own vast sea territory around the world, at the same time together. 

So Vwyleigh (as mentioned in her blog title and probably something she has to repeat to people often haha,  is to how to pronounce her name, which is that the letter ‘W’ is silent XD, her mother had a love for those fancy and overly-unique names, much to Vwyleigh’s wry amusement as her own brothers also have rather unique and unusual names like her)  over here is one of the princesses from one of the sea kingdoms and thus, she has quite elegant & sophisticated tastes most of the time, loves luxurious stuff and high-quality/high-brand items. She has a sharp & talented eye for decor and fashion as well.

She’s a socialite,  quite a bit of a shopaholic, she’s opinionated, stubborn, likes getting her way for her own pleasure/interest/satisfaction(or secretly manipulating people to get her way), very independent, headstrong, pretty rebellious and secretive (as in she’s a very good secret keeper for both herself and everyone else & she’ll nvr break anyone’s confidence or tell something that isn’t hers to tell, no matter what other flaws she might have. she might hint at a secret or give very vague clues about it if she’s trying to entertain or bargain with someone, but don’t every worry, as she’ll nvr ever really reveal or tell whatever secret or hidden fact she knows about someone- this part is only public knowledge to a few of her close/ trusted friends). She’s seductive, charming and  as stated by our main’s lore on merpeople, she also naturally has this “mesmerizing” presence.

Many years back (quite a few decades),  both her parents thought it was high time that their only daughter, who was pretty outgoing, v playful and non-committal, settle down, become more responsible and start her own family. They were even hoping that she would marry one of the merprinces from another kingdom to solidify and strengthen allies with another sea kingdom. Thus they began to constantly persuade, pressure and non-stop try to winningly coerce her to get engaged and wed a particular childhood friend of hers, who she was in fact in quite good terms with and had been very close on-and-off her life, and he was also the crown mer-prince of  a very major and enterprisingly wealthy kingdom. his kingdom was bigger, had a more powerful army and eventho her parents were lavishly wealthy in their own kingdom, his had a bit more wealth than hers.

Obviously, given her nature & personality, my Vwyleigh was appalled and horrified at such suggestions and ways her parents were trying to her to get engaged and settle down for the rest of her immortal life. She was only 90 (and she looked around the physical age of 19)  for crying out loud, still so young and too full of energy and life to settle down, let alone help rule a very large kingdom as a mer-queen & she also loudly and immediately deemed this whole arranged marriage ordeal as archaic and in no way suitable for her independent personality. So despite all her parents pleas, endless bargaining and persistency, she upped and fled, seeing as a way out to escape from their constant nagging and badgering her to get married to her chosen fiance,  venturing out of more further other parts of the wide, wide oceans of the world and thus becoming quite a wanderer/traveller from then on.

The following facts are only knowledge to handful of people she knows, and I’m so up for plotting this handful of people with any of you lovelies!! ;D

Throughout her next century plus, of wandering about she had gained more  wider knowledge and a vast variety of experiences ofc. One of which played a large impact on her life for the rest of the years till now. And ofc that was like most stories are told of long-living folk/immortal people, she eventually, when she was in the first half of her 100′s, without wanting to at first,  did fell hard, headlong and fast in love and entered into a rather intense and serious relationship with someone. However, as cliche as it was, he did break her heart and hurt her rather badly, after some years together. After recovering from her large heartbreak a year or two later, she did eventually along the rest of the years enter into a few more quite happy and slightly serious relationships, (though she from the major heartbreak of her first v serious relationship had become slightly closed off),  but the problem was that most of them were on land, as she had finally & very secretly ventured onto land after her first major heartbreak in order to get away, recover and heal. And she liked being on land a lot as she found the world up above water to be very interesting, addictive and so full of opportunities & stuff that was quite different from her underwater home world. But the one of the major problems was falling in love there, as the few other men she fell quite in love with too, over the next several decades, eventually died as she being a pretty powerful immortal being, outlived them ( & i hc that they were a mix of a couple of humans, a witch and a normal werewolf).

So for the past 30 years(or so), she had decided to close off her heart to any other romantic serious affairs or romantically (both serious & non-serious) romantic relationships forever (this might change later on down the road or not remains to be seen :p) and became even more emotionally distant, mysterious and more closed off than ever, to everyone she met henceforth. She still retained her charming, and quite genuinely outgoing & rather friendly outer personality, but her really close relationships with people were few and non-romantic, tho she has quite a number of acquaintances till now.

She had a talented voice and quite a passion for singing, so when she eventually found her way to Amare, some years back, she immediately signed up and auditioned as a singer and was very quickly hired due to her very melodious and slightly haunting, enchanting natural singing voice she had inherited from her grandmother. She grew to love staying at Amare as she found it as a perfect place to engage into light sexual affairs, flings, ONS and very casual, and very brief sexual relationships, which situated her situation and sexual and carnal libidos just fine.

She still had a penchant for travelling every now and then & would take quite frequent breaks/leaves from the Amare Resort bcos of that, as she still found that discovering new places, knowledge and people to be intriguing. And being the resourceful and crafty person that she was all her travels aided in adding up to her variety of potentially important resources and secret stash of a few important relics and magical artifacts she kept hidden with her.

Kinks: Tba very soon!

Anti Kinks: Tba very soon!

#amareintro #bio #feel free to hmu lovelies if any of y'all would like to plot anything with vwyleigh :)

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

INFP 4w5 back :) Thanks for answering things! I'm sorry I didn't give enough information to actually have you help me - I will do so now! I am 24. I love reading stories, both for the emotional connection to characters, and then fun of imagining myself in their adventures (I mainly read fiction). I am an artist and a writer - I do so because I enjoy expressing my views, experiences, and insights in beautiful/interesting/creative ways. I also love the act of creating in general - my mind is very

INFP cont: busy, and it helps me either slow that down or connect my brain to my body (I admittedly spend way more time in my head, but working with my hands and brain at the same time helps me feel connected to the outside world). 

So before I go on: this was a very long ask and I will therefore be ‘interrupting’ throughout in bold for my typing logic rather than rephrasing stuff down at the bottom.

Placing yourself in the story: that’s often the goal of stories anyway (and why self-insert is a whole thing) but it is consistent with Fi. Self-expression is something a lot of people like but it is particularly important to 4s. Brain-body connection as described here makes me think more Ne-Si axis but it’s hard for me to quite articulate why so...don’t quote me.

I like hanging out with my family and close friends - I hate being in crowds or in the spotlight. I find them overstimulating but also boring and I don't know what to do with body or what to say.

Pretty consistent for introverts who are intuitive (not just introverts who are intuitive but I’m going into this assuming it’s an INFP vs. INFJ thing unless I see blatant evidence for high Si or Se which so far I don’t.

I love being in nature - this is a new thing though, noticing nature for itself has only started happening since I was 20. I always liked the way it made me feel but didn't pay much attention to it in a sensory way until recent years. Now I love how peaceful and happy it makes me, how physically beautiful it is, but also all the ideas it generates in me - I think everything in nature is a symbol for something and it so fun trying to guess what those things are, or to make art out of things I find in the woods.

Could be either Ne-Si or Ni-Se for what it is; the age of onset is making me think tertiary sensing, plus the guessing the symbol rather than being more decisive makes me think Ne.

I also really love history and fantasy. History because I ideloize old ways of doing things (like gardening, pioneering, etc) ideal and exciting. I try to incorperate those things into my life and would like to be a homesteader or live in a bus one day, because it feels really free, and also I think connects us back to the way humans are meant to live.

Idolization of an idealized past is often weaker Si (nostalgia/sentimentality are often low Si things, contrary to popular belief that it’s higher Si. Seriously, talk to the average ESTJ, they have no nostalgia unless something changed drastically for the less efficient.)

I care a lot about people and social justice, but it tires me out, so I don't actually spend a lot of time engaging. I like listening to my friends and helping them sort out their feelings. I used to be really bad at DOING things for my friends, but I started to realize it was hurting them, so I am trying more and more to not just be a listening ear, but actively engage in their lives. I'm always torn between wanting to help people and make the world a better place, and just being free and doing what I want and find life giving.

At this point I’m already as you can tell leaning towards INFP much more. This also seems more INFP, with your Fi slowly realizing and maturing to a point where you are better able to care for others and meet them on their terms rather than your own.

I think A LOT, and I am very interested in understanding theories, concepets, anazlying people.

All intuitives like concepts, and while I dislike the assertion that introspection is the sole purview of introverts or intuitives, they definitely do it a lot.

Why I'm wondering if I might be an INFJ instead of an INfP? Mainly because two people I respect mentioned they thought I might be.

Yeah...without more than just “caring & empathetic” I wouldn’t put too much weight on it.

I had always thought I was just an INFP (MAYBE an ISFP, but I don't feel like a doer enough or in touch enough with the physical world - other then finding it super beautiful and day dreaming about it).

I’d agree, I’m really not getting much Se from your asks.

But they specifically thought my Fe seems very high - I am emotionally expressive, I care a lot for others, and I'm very sensitive to the emotional feel of people/places/situations.

So, sensitive to the emotional feel and emotional expressiveness are just feeler things. Without rephrasing the whole Fi/Fe post I always refer back to, I find that while high Fi users’ feelings tend to come from a more internalized place sometimes or are less typical in some of their reactions, they still are pretty emotionally expressive especially compared to your average thinker. There are a lot of very reserved IxFJs and very expressive IxFPs and the uneven stereotypes of constantly crying INFPs/IxFJs hiding their emotions for the sake of harmony hammer that point home.

I also tend to get hunches about situations and people, like what might happen or that I should/shouldn't do something, or about why someone is upset/happy, and am right pretty often (is that maybe dom Ni? with some Fe? or is that also Ne?)

Hunches can be anything; intuition is specifically preferring them over physical evidence (sensing is the opposite, so sensors often ignore their hunches if there’s evidence otherwise). Hard to tell because hunches are also related to thin slicing in neuroscience which is just a brain thing. Also this can be Si that you don’t realize is working - like, you’ve seen it before, but don’t consciously realize it.

I also wonder if my constant thinking and trying to figure things out (like obsessively trying to figure out my type) is Ti?

Eh, humans are curious and we all like to think. Ti is a specific approach to logic that for some reason got credit for way more (hint it was David Keirsey)

And I love talking about my feelings and am very comfy with it, which apparently lots of INFPs aren't?

Some aren’t, some are, see stuff above re: emotional expressiveness.

I also avoid conflict in public - I don't avoid it at all with my family, I avoid it moderately with good friends, and won't get into public debates. However, I will speak up in public if I think someone is doing something really wrong.

Could be enneagram 9 which is pretty common in Fi doms; it’s also just part of upbringing, that it’s not polite to start an argument in a lot of social situations, but okay with people you’re close with or if it’s something egregious.

I feel like I have a hard time expressing my opinions well verbally (Im fine writing), and it makes me afraid I won't say what I actually mean, and I also am afraid of the rage I feel in conflict and don't want to hurt others feelings by unleashing that.

W/r/t expression, that sort of conflicts with some of the emotional expressiveness you’d mentioned earlier, but either way tracks more with introversion than anything else. Fear of strong anger makes me wonder if you’ve enneatyped yourself correctly, though obviously I can’t tell if it’s your greatest fear. But I’d take a seriously look at 9 gut fixes.

I also don't like people trampling on my beliefs, so often just won't express them with those I'm not real close to. But I've read that high Fi users don't avoid conflict, and high Fe users do? And I am very willing to consider other people's points of view and MAYBE change my opinion, but thats pretty rare. I'm also a very empathetic listener - I think before speaking, ask good questions, and make noises to assure them im listening, which Ive also read is Fe. is that enough info?

Not liking people trampling on beliefs is pretty universal - even people who behave in an extreme doormat way usually don’t particularly like it deep down. For conflict avoidance see notes on enneagram 9. Openness to other points of view could come from Ne seeing different options, or Fi accepting other’s opinions as being able to coexist with your own usually; it’s also just a healthy adult thing to do regardless of type. Same goes for listening - those are all learned skills and so ask yourself if you did those when you were younger. I did mostly by the time I was 24 but I sure didn’t when I was 17, whereas people with higher feeling, and to some extent higher Fe more than Fi, tend to pick those up a bit more naturally and therefore earlier.

ah one last thing! I take a very long time to make descions - I want to make sure I'm doing/getting the best/right thing. which also seems not very INFP?

Not sure where you got that idea - indecisiveness until you know the optimum response is EXTREMELY INFP. Specifically Ne.

And I get very afraid of not having the idealized visions and dreams of the future I crave - I'm okay with the exact details being flushed out over time, but there are general dreams I will not give up. I've read thats more Ni then Ne?

It is but given the context of everything else, I think this can come from Fi if you see those dreams as identity, and ultimately everyone has goals and dreams.

Oh shit, thought of more things. I SUCK at finishing things - it takes crazy hard work for me to finish a project. I just get... bored and move on. Or procrastinate because other things are more interesting in the moment. But I'm also fairly academic and analytical - can INFP's be that? I find it very stimulating and when Im interested in a topic I want to learn EVERYTHING about it and understand it fully. And I hate when I have a mental problem that I can't solve. I will obsess.

INFPs can be analytical but it’s not your primary way of going about the world (nor is it for INFJs for that matter). Do you like it a lot in specific, lower-pressure contexts (say, academia)? That can be you exploring lower functions. It’s worth considering how you go about being analytical, and whether it seems more Te or Ti. The unsolved problem issue also depends on context, and learning everything can be Ne wanting all the information to fuel a very divergent thought process.

INFP 1,000: And I forgot the thing. I also orgionally started questioning because of my love for sensing things - I love physical beauty in home decor, nature, clothes, etc, and I love being in nature. When I was a teen and very stressed/unwell I overindulged in sensory things like sex/food/drinking/cutting, because it made me feel alive. In the same way now, engaging my senses in healthy ways makes me feel alive. But I do feel pretty crap at it. Which made me wonder if I had inferior Se.

OK so this isn’t directed at you but good lord does inferior Se get almost as much of a mythical out of proportion blow-out as dom Ni. A lot of inferior Se-credited unhealthy behaviors, while definitely present in dom Ni users, are also fairly universal. Namely, all the sensory things you mention will lead to endorphin rushes (hence the feeling alive - it’s brain chemistry) and all are pretty common coping mechanisms for depression, anxiety, or stress to the point that two of them are on the PHQ-9 depression screening. You would be hard pressed to find someone who’d never indulged in at least one under stress, and most people have indulged in several. This has been my PSA that typing based on inferior Se behaviors is a dangerous game for exactly that reason.

Anyway: overall, I see strong evidence for INFP and I’d look at enneagram 9 for some of the more conflict avoidant parts; perhaps more than 4 even though it could just be a strong 9 gut-fix as the second part of your tritype, and maybe a 5 head fix for the analytical stuff. Unless you have more details on the people who typed you INFJ I can’t really refute their arguments,but I see much more INFP for the reasons above.

#mbti #infj #infp #enneagram #long post #Anon ask #answered asks

[femme-energy]

I’m not going to lie I feel somewhat better after having this conversation. I haven’t talked about this man or topic in months because I didn’t feel the need to but here we are. This all stemmed from one question.

my best friend asked, “Dawg if someone were to come to you right now and say “Ana I have strong feelings for you” would you call it bullshit

I answered with:

“Absolutely. I strongly say that because i haven’t been emotionally available to anyone, not even online. I was going back and forth with my thoughts on being emotionally unavailable. i wonder if I’m emotionally unavailable because I’m scared or is it because I’m just not in a place to be vulnerable? It’s easy for me to establish platonic and romantic dynamics w/ ppl, but I realized I’m not on that time and haven’t been for awhile. Perhaps I’m emotionally unavailable b/c i can’t see myself being vulnerable. idk. what i do know is that i don’t like how this makes me feel. Vulnerability comes easy to me and i enjoy being that way with people. However, perhaps my previous relationship really fucked me up. In a way where I’m good with establishing any kind of connection with someone or maybe it’s because I can’t see myself allowing someone get that close to me again. Maybe I’m scared or I’m genuinely just okay with being alone. Or am i saying that because I’m comfortable? Or maybe that’s an excuse and use that as a safety blanket. So many questions. but to answer your question yes I’d think it would be absolute bullshit if someone expressed their profound love for me. unless it was someone from my past who still felt some connection to me but even then I’d be like “ok” and keep it pushing because right now I’m on defense mode. I’m safe right now. What if going forward I decide to be vulnerable again. Idk how i would even go about that. i get uncomfortable when men try to flirt with me or tell me how beautiful i am. When people try to spit their corny ass game. I cringe like nah I’m sorry but I’m not buying it. I’m good luv, enjoy. Thank you, next. My thoughts are scattered right now. I was just thinking about why I felt okay taking this mans money. It’s because although he finds me attractive i don’t care to entertain him so I’m going to use my “beauty” to benefit me. I’ve been objectified by men my whole life might as well make money. And then I think about sex or just intimacy as a whole. Connecting with someone mentally emotionally and physically. I don’t want to have sex and haven’t had sex since September. I don’t even think about sex until I go to bed because my dreams haunt me and clearly my subconscious is horny. Celibacy is my thing right now... even though again my subconscious tells me otherwise. I had a sex dream with fka twigs and i woke up heated that it wasn’t real. I’m so backwards which then had me thinking about my sexuality, how I’ve finally come to terms with it and how i wanna feel liberated. so then i start thinking about becoming a sex worker (dancer) and not even for the money but more so of having control of my body, to feel liberated and accepting me my beauty etc. IM ALL OVER THE PLACE.”

My best friend, “Sounds like you’re just trying to be open minded to help you figure some things out.”

Me: “dawg or maybe I’m just so lonely I’m trying to occupy myself by trying to experiment and then i start to think I’m being impulsive or ill hate myself for going down that whole i feel like i wanna spiral.”

my best friend: “do you feel lonely?”

Me: “Yeah, I mean, I miss Mal and it’s not even about the relationship. I think about this person a lot and I don’t talk about it because I wanna convince myself I’m over it. I’m over the relationship, but I miss him. I miss having the genuine connection where we actually had a shit ton of things in common. Music in particular. I miss being able to connect with someone on a level I did with him but not romantically. but i don’t have the energy to connect with anyone because i don’t want to. I’ve been lying to myself and or trying to convince myself I’m okay. Not to say that I’m not but I think about my previous relationship a lot. I think about my worth and who I was to that person. I feel as though we went through xyz and then he quickly started a new relationship with someone. I’m happy for him, but he moved fast as if we weren’t going through something. As if i was scum. So then I start questioning myself? like why am I still on that? Why can’t i move forward so quickly? What am i doing wrong? I’m not holding on to him per say, so why do I feel this way? I deserve happiness. Again, not to say I’m not over that relationship. I just don’t understand how he’s so happy with someone so fast. Ya know?”

My best friend: “Your friendship with Mal seemed like a friendship that comes once in a life time. Like separating him the person from the connection, and intimacy it’s like difficult to believe it can happen again. And it will, but maybe not the same way. If that makes any sense.”

Me: “so then Katy tried to tell me well you don’t know what he’s thinking. he could be missing you. he could be unhappy in his relationship. she’s like think about what happened when you rekindled? he admitted he missed you and couldn’t stop thinking about you. So i challenged her. I’m like well I don’t want to think that way because I don’t want to get my hopes up. And i don’t mean it in way of him coming back to me. I just know that that’s not it. I don’t even remember what sex with him feels like.”

Best friend: “Dawg, you went through a ton. And you’re the type of person to tackle your issues head on. While he’s the type of person to run from the issue to move on. It’s honestly not surprising you still about it because you still have questions you know?”

THIS IS WHERE I START CRYING BECAUSE IM ANGRY/HURT.

Me: “I just want to know how he’s so happy and moved on as if nothing happened. That’s what I’m thinking about. I don’t have any other questions for him. did he ever tell me he loved me? No, but he didn’t have to. I know he loved me. I just don’t understand why things went down the way they did when I came back around. I don’t understand why he chose to see the traumatic version of me when I was working day and night in therapy to be a better version of myself. I was in therapy for myself. To prove myself that I could be a better version of myself. I don’t understand why he wasn’t open to going to therapy to overcome the Trumatic shit we went through. If he needed more time because he was still holding on I would’ve accepted that. I never rushed him or pressed him after having a serious conversation with him about it. What doesn’t make sense to me is that he didn’t trust me but was capable of fucking the shit out of me. What doesn’t makes sense to me is that he admitted that I was Day ‘n’ Nite and how he’s always wanted me to be that person that he saw when we rekindled but couldn’t get over it because he didn’t want to try. So he leaves. I was finally the person that I always wanted to be because I was able to overcome my traumas. I showed him and to myself that I did it, but that wasn’t enough because he was still holding on to bullshit but was still able to fuck me. that doesn’t make sense to me. So he’s in a relationship and I’m glad he’s happy because I want people to be happy, but I don’t understand how that happened literally one week after him cutting me off.”

Best friend: “Mal runs from his issues Ana. Literally it seems like he has a built in “abort mission” button. And men think with their dick. They suck (most not all)”

Sobbing.

Me: “Which goes back to what I was originally saying. I wish I was able to connect with someone right now, but I can’t. So I feel lonely and occupy myself with bullshit and even then I still feel lonely. This whole quarantine is not good for my mental health. It’s so easy for me to isolate and spiral and we can’t even leave our house. I will sit outside in the sun and will feel better for like 10 minutes, and I can work out in my basement, but I’m going crazy.... Going back to the sex thing though. I just realized one of the reasons why I am practicing celibacy is because my body is sacred. my body has gone through some trauma and I’d feel triggered to have sex. I feel like having sex would cause a lot of PTSD and that scares me. Saying that out loud makes me sad because it’s like I can’t even enjoy sex. Sometimes I think about how I wish I was able to have sex with people without forming an emotional connection. Which then goes back to me wanting to feel liberated and experiment but I can’t even do that because PTSD. My body and spirit is too sacred to just be sharing it with anyone. Yes, I’m reserved but I’m not fucking boring.”

There’s so much more to say about this topic.

I don’t hate you. I’m just upset with you.

I don’t reach out to you because I can’t and if I was able to, I wouldn’t. Its always me reaching out. I’m good.

[wolfwhiteflowers]

how to block a fandom.. ugh sigh  vvv

trying to not be so involved in the fandom or so. idk how. (winter hiatus is gonna be hell) 

everyone’s keep bashing on the show and saying mean stuff. be careful what u wish for.  

it’s gonna be fine. it’s just a show, u can do whatever with it, quit it, not take it seriously, or just #anti-

~~~~~~

i guess when a show is old and changing..or there’s a big fandom on online, there’s more fandom wank than I’m used to think there was before(the 1% theory). I’m more on the unpopular opinion-side (I always do). More bitter people and I feel like they’re missing out on some cool stuff that is still there, but they’re too bitter and impatient to see it. Fandom...internet places...people are generally negative? (people don’t like grey angsty arcs) Anyways, i just wanna focus on the positive stuff when i go online or to think. I understand some just wanna chat and rant, and some have other different reasons why they go online etc.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ok so i think u just limit to a lot of fandom things. some rules..? this is hard to do. just don’t go on it so much.

-***most of the time, people/fan don’t need the fandom. Fandom is just on the side. I feel like being part of the fandom is like being part of a group or family and just helping people out. It’s like you’re just making up extra time to help/squee/argue people. Idk ..I can not be part of the fandom. //Fandom seems to care about being right, shipping, fave’s attention. Not much on analyzing on story. People suck. -Give a F*ck budget, money, time, energy.

-****try to avoid places where u see people’s opinions(comments/posts) all the time or just view it in short time. (also avoid negative rude people ect. -only read on positive people’s) It’s hard because fan forum sites, there’s great convo/analyzing/meta discussion in there that u sometimes don’t see in it like tumblr. But, lately i see people hate-watching commenting. (like “ofc, showrunner does this.” “i hope rating goes down so my fave actor can have a better job opportunity, or show it in showrunner’s face my ship is better than the notp and the spotlight.” ..really a lot of fans say the same things in any fandom. is it even true? )

-kinda..avoid stans...shipper stans. they only care about a ship. ok that’s kinda harsh..but yeah they’re most likely to be bitter because the show focus on other characters/ships too. Also, skim past the dramatic/jealous-like posts. 

-..idk why, but people like to compare all the time. criticize and judge quickly. like ok....why not both (fave ships)? Why compare faves? Good thing the show is just focusing on everyone..ok. Oh, and the whole this character is “weak” ok ..so say it to a disabled veteran or an abused wife. sigh. I don’t want to see a show with perfect strong superheroes. BORING! This show is not a boring video game. idk..some people don’t think ...critically or long-term.. like come on..this show, most shows are about characters and them being strong emotionally and physically in their challenges. Also, another thing, idk why fans focus on what the writers are saying but not thinking on the other characters too. Like if the show focus on a character apologizing to another character. That character who apologized= fandom hates him/her. But this other character who is a dick but the show doesn’t address it and doesn’t redeem him/her = fandom doesn’t care or notice it. Another is that fandom don’t like complex character...female characters blah blah. Idk what’s my point here. fandom popularity? so just know that sometimes fandom is just so immature, annoying and rude. So, try to avoid it.

-not a lot of people are overall-fans, so...there’s more wank for me to see it. same with being a multi-shipper, i see more wank too. Like me shipping c@ryl and r!chonne. boy, i see hate on all of them on per character. (because people who don’t like c@ryl are not r!chonners...but they may also ship r!chonne. idk why it’s c ship vs. r ship. it’s just ABD/C shippers.)

-oh, thing about generalizing. People love to generalize. sigh. I should try not to be so sensitive in the fandom or I’m so caught up in fandom wank. i should not take it seriously when people generalize...anyways people generalize things and that always create drama/fandom wank. omg. ugh. Sometimes, these people are ones that just plain assholes. So, block them. Sometimes, it’s just they said it wrong and/or thought it wrong. So, idk. Try to say “IMO,...” “Some shippers...”

-idk if it’s accurate...but my theory or what i heard..is that the show is the showrunner’s/writer’s show. It’s not mine and it’s not the fans’ show. Everyone’s have different likes and wants. Writers can’t please everyone. I heard that it’s good that the showrunner’s stick to what s/he wants because it’s their story and it’s not giving fanservice to please different types of people all the time.If they keep pleasing other people, it makes the show inconsistent and frustrating. Criticisms is ok but I think showrunners know and see it and they decide what to do with it. 

- ratings. ok so that’s hard to handle. it’s just part of being a tv fan. it’s all show business kind of thing. just be realistic. show’s gonna end someday. hopefully there will be a good conclusion and how the writers want it to go for the show. nothing’s goes fair and perfect on shows. (like there’s actors leaving or canceling) I don’t believe in those theories on changing writer’s minds on character/ships and stuff.

-putting words into actor’s/writer’s mouth. i hate that. These fans are obviously biased and ..like entitled-fans. (kinda like bad irl shippers too) This annoys so much. No one knows what the actors/writers are really thinking. That’s their personal life and they have their own personal opinions. so, saying this actor wants to leave because the show sucks, character is not focused as much, or they hate their co-stars. It’s soooo dumb and so rude. u don’t know them. what if the actor wants to leave because of sick family or just want to change careers or whatever. I just would rather have the facts and actor’s statement to say what really is going on. I don’t wanna theorize on biased-rumors. I also..just not into actor’s life. Like I’m not into idolizing actors/other performers etc., because I just don’t know them fully and ..it always end up disappointing..(like omg she smokes? omg she’s a drunk driver? omg she got married to that guy eew why?). So, idolize ..a little. My point is..idk just skim past the entitled fans...

-i like this advice from someone, ... go to #showedits Maybe even go to #showspoilers.( Well to look at overall of the show and gifsets. but there’s still wank, so idk.)

-i feel like idk what to think about the show because i feel like I’m worried about the fans’s feelings/thoughts and wonder what’s their reactions will be this time after an ep aired. I’m so caught up on fandom that idk what i myself like on the show or think what’s right. ....So I take a moment to myself and think on what I like and don’t like in an episode. Write out your feels! ...don’t need to have the fandom anyway.

-always ask, do i still trust the writers? Does my fave characters still in-character and I understand where the story or season’s story is going? Do I still like it?// Just know what kind of show it is. it’s just a show on that day to watch. maybe not get so invested next time. Or, to quit the show, find a spot in the show and say that’s my finale ep of the show for me. ..and there’s fanfictions. just make one up in ur head, an ending, and then move on. These are all fictional stories, you can do whatever with it.

-if ya wanna rant negative. imo, i like to just write it out and tag it #anti- and put it under ‘keep reading’. idk, deal with it, on what the show is, realistically. grieve it. it’s ok to quit a show. /////sometimes, when im confused of the plot and get mad at the writers, sometimes it’s best to wait it out...sometimes the writers already know about the “problem/drama of the plot” and they make sense later on.

-focus on what u like about the show. Do fan art! look at fan art, read fanfiction, and fan videos! Write it out on what u like and speculate. get it out of ur chest.

-during hiatus, there’s more fandom wank. sometimes, just wait a day, the wank is not there anymore. so, do fan art, or just go look into another show and stuff. take a break.

-having unpopular opinions. oh well. what the majority say isn’t always right. idk just shrug and be proud of ur thoughts or crack ship. if it’s like unpopular opinion on the show’s writing, then keep in mind, and maybe the show isn’t for you and that’s ok. *it’s all what the writers want to do. The majority doesn’t know and change the story atm. This part seems to be the hardest..cos u can see majority’s opinions all the time and everywhere. Usually negative sigh. So my tumblr dashboard ..is all mostly one fandom-fans. eh. so i see a lot.  Just keep scrolling and know ..that person from that fandom, probably complain about something. 

-most importantly, I tell myself, “do i still like the show? Do I still wanna watch and see how it goes?” Then if yes, then so it is. It’s all about me..if I still like the show. My time, money, care.

-tired of negative talk of anything. sigh. idk. (why do they repeat the same thing and say it 25,375 times? nothing’s changed. it doesnt help me or u. just deal w/ur crap feels now and get it over with.) (some say it’s bad writing when it’s just something they don’t like. something minor. complain easily. basically..it’s just that it’s the writers’s show or they forget it’s a season-long arc.) i guess go elsewhere . fanart.

#wolfwhiteflowers #*fandom #all about trusting the writers #*fandom wank