#but like still full believed this

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[expelliarmus]

#mine #doctor who #dwedit #michelle gomez #jenna louise coleman #now that it's 2024.... can you believe that series 9 is going to be 9 years old this year?!?! #when will missy come back to me :'( #but i do think she has a big finish set coming out soon #i'm remaking this from 2019 and still don't really like how the colouring came out #oh well #i need to watch this two parter in full again... i love it so much

[swift-kwikster]

A comic about Sam and Max being trans guys, taking place at Sam's old job as a stewardess before he transitioned. Being that it's Sam & Max, weird ridiculous hijinks ensure.

So... After two years of working on this on and off, it's finished! I had posted pages as I was making them on here before but those posts are no longer on my blog- I actually redid most of the pages with new jokes and panels, and fixed a lot. I'm really proud of how far this has come. :)

Please reblog if you can if you like it, so more can see it! It'd mean so much! Thank you. <3

#sam and max #sam & max #sam and max freelance police #sam & max freelance police #i cant believe its done #im posting this at 6 am and i know im gonna come back and be like 'DAMNIT I CANT BELIEVE THIS MISTAKE IS LEFT HERE' #but ah well!! #seriously please share if you can ;_; #when i felt like making the last page again i wanted to come back with the full comic mostly revamped #i hope those who liked it before are still here and like it still haha #thank you to everyone who has been so nice about my art and this story in particular - i learnt so much in how to make comics better becaus #of making this #there's some extra jokes that are hard to see in the background ill explain in a later post! #if theres trigger warnings i should add lemme know

[mikakuna]

the dumbification of jason todd despite all we've seen he's capable of is caused by adult men who dick ride batman so hard i'm sure they get wet at the sound of his name

#stop letting batman superfans write jason comics!!! #the white elitist view needs to stop im so tired #like yes billionaire bruce wayne believes in the redemption of petty criminals more than jason fucking todd- #the child who stole for a living on the streets and whose father was a petty criminal to provide for his family #yes jason todd the kid who grew up in gotham's most forgotten and overlooked area would want death for all small time crooks #i'm so tired #it's genuinely just so disheartening #how on earth was he written better in the 80s and early 2000s #the classism was still there but fuck it was tackled better #now it's just full on classism and dumbification and elitist dickriding #jason todd #red hood #batman #dc #jason peter todd #bruce wayne #dc comics

[bitchthefuck1]

I feel like people sometimes have a tendency to paint Inej as a little too wide-eyed and borderline naive and I feel like that's such a misread and disservice to her character, because her faith and hope for a better future isn't some misguided assumption that everything will be okay or that the world isn't so bad. She knows exactly how bad things can be and exactly what kind of evil people are capable of, and she's saying "fuck you, you can take my autonomy and my childhood and maybe I'll never see my family or home again, but I will literally die before I let make me think that the shit I've been through is all there is. The beauty and love I experienced was real and valuable and nothing you do or say will make me let go of that or believe it's not possible for me to have again," and it is genuinely the most incredible and real thing in those books.

Inej has fought tooth and nail for every ounce of goodness she has and she'll keep wringing it out of the world because those things are real and possible no matter what, and there's nothing naive about it.

#it's crying about inej hours again #it's literally always crying about inej hours #she makes me soooooooooooo #i will literally kill for this girl #like time and time again the books prove her right and Kaz's extreme nihilism wrong and yet people will talk about it like he's the one who #'really sees the world as it is'. AND HE KNOWS SHE'S RIGHT AND SHE'S STRONGER FOR STILL HAVING FAITH. HE LITERALLY SAYS IT. #deadass wanna be like her when I grow up #not to say kaz doesn't have every reason to believe what he does about the world's cruelty but these books are literally full of these kids #creating the space of love and safety they were denied for each other even as he says it's not possible #inej ghafa #kanej #six of crows #soc #crooked kingdom #inej ghafa my beloved

[prozach27]

Okay as someone who was mainly following Jaiden’s streams on the qsmp, it’s hitting me JUST HOW MUCH jaiden lore you miss 😭 I’ve started watching foolish’s recent livestreams while playing Minecraft and holy crap, Jaiden was there for the ARREST of pac & Mike (and immediately got BEHIND foolish when he pulled out his gun)? She was there for Foolish accepting a position as a detective for the federation and receiving his badge? She successfully got BadBoyHalo to tell her everything he had on Foolish after JUST WITNESSING foolish begin working for the federation, all while playing completely dumb? Jaiden stream followers really are left in the dark on how much Jaiden knows about what’s going on in the QSMP, and it’s SO INTERESTING because how much else has she done on this server that she hasn’t shown on stream? What other actions has she witnessed (or even committed) that she didn’t want broadcasted to her YouTube audience? The amount of incriminating lore she’s a part of off stream makes everything to do with her disappearance SO much more interesting

#I’m not saying I’ve gone full blue bird au but holy crap jaiden is GAMING #like she plays so innocent and dumb and it’s so BELIEVABLE but if you actually dig she’s EXTREMELY secretive and suspect #as a jaiden fan I absolutely love it and I still don’t know what’s going on with her #q!jaiden #qsmp #q!foolish #foolish gamers #qsmp jaiden #qsmp foolish #jaiden animations #Minecraft #q!badboyhalo #badboyhalo

[tequiilasunriise]

bitches really be out here publicly divorcing as if they weren’t in a secret relationship

#i love how lenore stomped over ready to throw divorce papers and also hands #and annabel just kept getting more and more into it liKE GIRL PLEASE!!! UR ASS IS GETTING BEAT BUT NOT IN THE WAY U WANT IT LIKE GIRRLL #girl please read the room and understand that Lenore is about to rip full custody of Morella away from u #ANNABEL LEE STOP GETTING TURNED ON MID DOVORCE CHALLENGE: IMPOSSIBLE‼️‼️‼️ #all of the passerby and spectators stopping n staring at these two like #‘?????? did we- did we miss some LORE™️ or smth????’ #oh to be part of that crowd who got to witness the full blown break up #in my peripheral I see some disgruntled hands exchanging money #apparently half of the academy had a bet wherher or not these two disasters were secretly fucking around together or not #some swore by their second death that white raven was DEFO doing some shit together #while others believed em to just be old fashioned enemies who are complete douches to each other nothing more nothing less #the ppl who betted them to be nothing more than fierce as fuck enemies/rivals. well. well i mean you TRIED ig. i mean u tried WRONG but hey #at least you still tried #nevermore webtoon #nevermore neverwhore #white raven #lenore vandernacht #annabel lee whitlock

[mynamejers]

Happy Everywhere and Elsewhen Anniversary

(edit: IM A IDIOT ITS SUPPOSED TO SAY MAR NOT MAY IM SUCH A GOOBER)

#toh #the owl house #toh fanart #toh lilith #toh philip #toh luz #philip wittebane #emperor belos #digital art #my art #i cant believe its been a full year #still overjoyed how much people liked the metal chair one

[mwagneto]

"you wear fine things well" being the first scene that made me seriously go "wait this might not be queerbait holy fucking shit?????????" when 1x05 aired and then them having a callback to it now in 2x05 is so fucking special they literally did that for me personally. somehow

#scene of all time i literally stayed awake for a full hour rewatching it afterwards in disbelief..... #like dear lordddd i cant believe they did that to me. and they're still doing it to me. i need to bite someone #ofmd #our flag means death #ofmd s2 #ofmd spoilers #2x05 the curse of the seafaring life #2x05 the curse

[bonefall]

I personally like Thunder's prosthetic. Explained it to my friend (who does use a mobility device, a cane and wheelchair, and listens to me rant and infodump about BB) and they agreed, it's important to know that not every person needs what someone wants to give them. It's another example of "bad ableist person does a thing that hurts a disabled person because they are bad and ableist".

Clear Sky got Jagged Peak killed and would have killed Sunlit Frost! He would absolutely force his disabled son to be "normal" and present it like a privilege. "I wouldn't do this for anyone else, it's special, why don't you want to be helped?"

Thunder Storm should toss it in Clear Sky's face. (I would say toss it into the river but we do not pollute waterways in this house)

Thank you for telling me this, and tell your friend I'm thanking them too! If they have anything else to add please forward what they have to say

Since BB!DOTC tackles some of the heaviest topics in the entire series because its canon equivalent is so dark, I think very carefully about what I do here and how I show it. I take feedback on its sensitive aspects very seriously. If I'm understanding the criticism properly, it's that I should avoid stigmatizing prosthetics by making sure Thunder Storm's not the only one with it-- which he's not! And I'll add even more.

I don't want to avoid something only because it's uncomfortable if the topic is important, and my portrayal is respectful. Ableism IS uncomfortable! There are some situations where a prosthetic is not wanted! I think the rejection of this particular one is both a good opportunity to show a type of ableism and ALSO is very fitting for the characters.

In BB!Clear Sky's mind, the villain, he's fixing an old mistake. He can't admit that he got Jagged Peak killed or take REAL accountability for it (though he will, occasionally, apologize insincerely), but deep in his bones, he knows what he did was cruel. He'll never tell anyone this because he doesn't really cognate it himself, but Thunder Storm NEEDS to take his gift.

If Thunder doesn't take it, it blows a hole in his newest story. You see, throwing Jagged Peak out was All That Could Have Been Done back then. It was a Tragedy and he simply Made A Hard Choice. He regrets it very much, But You Have To Understand.

But now? Now? Well, behold. Look at what he's accomplished since the tragic death of his little brother. His cats are well-fed, cared for, and stable enough to make such incredible advancements. If only Jagged Peak had been able to hold on longer, if only he could be here now, I could fix him.

Just like I can (MAKE YOU JUST LIKE ME) fix you.

"Everything I've ever done is for Jagged Peak. For Fluttering Wing. For you." Thunder Sky is SPECIAL, but if he rejects any gift, tries to turn down the "privileges" offered to him, in an instant that becomes ungratefulness and arrogance. He both forces him to be special, and then leverages it against him if it's rejected. "Spoiled brat, doesn't appreciate what I've worked so hard to give him."

It all goes back to him and his own guilt. He can NEVER be wrong. He can't accept his family doesn't have to be "normal" or reflect his own ability. He won't see himself as a bully, let alone a murderer. It was never about his son's comfort or finding out what Thunder Storm wants or needs, it was about his own ego.

...All that said I'm still taking feedback if there's anything else I should keep in mind, or if anyone has a counter point, especially if you also have experience here.

(In the interest of having a link trail for posterity, here's the critique/call for feedback this is in response to)

#ALSO also I will take suggestions on other characters who should have prosthetics #Sunlit makes sense and it will make a really nice character moment later for him to have one built #There's also an amputee in RiverClan few people talk about called Stonestream #I can give him one and bump him up into a bigger character. In BB he is the sibling of Willowshine #BB!DOTC #better bones au #Also just as a side note... I love writing BB!Skystar. My ire for the character comes from his redemption arc so I feel like I get to-- #--write the character I WANTED to see #Same with Bramble in other BB arcs #cw ableism #tw ableism #ableism #They're fascinating in that they always have to see themselves as the victim or the hero #They believe every lie they tell. #If you ever catch them in a contradiction they will still try to find some way to turn it on you and YOUR lack of understanding. #Interestingly both of them are ableist. Sky's is just more obvious because he's LOUDLY bigoted. #But BB!Bramble is *notably* less close to Jay for a very sad and very subtle reason. #Jay just doesn't serve his ego like the others do until much later in his life. #unfortunately most bigotry is like that. #the type you have a hard time calling out because it's a deniable bias. the constant gaslighting of being part of a marginalized group #Maybe I need to address the criticism by adding a character with a prosthetic to THIS arc even earlier #Problem is that like... Thunder's small merc group is already full of disabled characters and their THING is forming in response to ableism #OH maybe I'll put someone in the Forest Cat group which is lead by Slash? #I need to finish that last book and then gather up all the cats for sorting into allegiances

[meownotgood]

happy one year since chainsaw man, I miss you so much... <3

#I can't believe it's been a full year since chainsaw man first aired #it still feels so recent.... time has passed by so quickly haha #I was looking back on the edit I made of aki in the op a year ago #and it just made me feel so warm and nostalgic #filled with emotions... like I'm about to cry....... #I'm tearing up #I'm so happy I could experience chainsaw man then #the weather is so nice just like it was a year ago #I've been waiting for today so I could start rewatching chainsaw man again.... hehe #aaah I need season 2 soon... #aki <3

[yunmeng-jiang]

that man does NOT think of wei wuxian as his gege

#jiang cheng #wwx #twin prides #i have a whole post about how they both think of themselves as having an older-sibling role #but even if that wasn't true jc still always calls him by his full name and the one time wwx tried to call him shidi jc yelled at him #their relationship is not that simple! it's a huge thing that wwx occupies a weird in-between role in their family! #he's definitely not a servant but also definitely not a full member of their family and that's super important to the story! #even if jc WANTED to think of him as his older brother he would need to get past seven layers of trauma to even realize he wanted that #and then he would have to admit it to himself and then work up the courage to admit it to someone else #and even then he probably still wouldn't say it to wwx's face #sure yanli calls wwx her didi but things are much simpler from her point of view #plus she's one of those people - like lxc - that can hold an opinion deep inside herself and be at peace with it even if it conflicts + #+ with what the world says and what she's been brought up to believe #jc is not like that. he internalizes way more from the outside world and if he feels conflicted he just kind of implodes #he's spent his whole life being told that wwx is not his equal and is someone to compete against #and also secretly believing that wwx is eventually going to abandon him because he doesn't think anyone truly cares for him #plus wwx treats him like a bff who is also a liege lord rather than a beloved younger brother #he would Not form a secure attachment to wwx lmao #it also really annoys me that when people write/conceptualize him as someone who thinks of wwx as his real gege + #+ they tend to completely erase jyl and minimize her importance to jc. he HAS an older sibling who he trusts unconditionally and confides + #+ in and takes comfort from! that person already exists! and they ignore her in favor of the protagonist #it also really bugs me when they have him mourning wwx those whole 13-16 years but don't put in a single word about yanli #this kind of turned into a rant about jyl... i have a lot of feelings about her especially since i'm the oldest sibling in my family #anyway. that man does not think of wwx as his gege #haterade #(kind of)

[half-full-colon]

been thinking of @/jsab-fuiji's swap au; i think Treecko'd be the one to gather items for expeditions! this's a bad idea 👍

#grovyle #dusknoir #pmd:eos spoilers #pmd:eos #AU #firm believer in grovyle would eat grimy food #listen grimy food isnt THAT bad; if yhave spinda put it in a drink then your character still 'feels happy' after drinking it! #plus your like...gummis and apples can turn grimy just by stepping on a trap tile so its not that far off from normal food anyways #it's fine! #head catches on fire #its fine! #half-full drawing #half-full post

[1o1percentmilk]

Minegishi and Matsuo with cheesecake?

matsuo-minegishi-shimazaki triple feature

#id in alt #sorry everyone im a full believer of matsuo fat bigender ass #and minegishi flat agender ass #erm... shimazaki's ftm average ass #not to call out ppl who like matsuo minegishi or shimazaki but ifeel like theres definitely a type in there. not sure what tho #ok enough rambling #mp100 #matsuo juna #minegishi toshiki #shimazaki ryou #yess i still remember their names #milkart2206 #ask #anon #bubbly-af #wait i take back the first thing i said... why would i be sorry for fat bigender ass

[stbot]

Willow: Volume One

#willow 2022 #willow #willow disney+ #i think i need a gif tag #i love these sequences so much #but my goodness i cannot believe we were robbed (Robbed! i say!) of getting jade in one #like there's so many buildings #the crone gets one??? #not even elora or willow got one #well i guess that's what volumes two and three are for :)))) #i am staying optimistic that the end-credits shot means yes we are getting at least a full three volumes #like that would be exceptionally mean to keep that shot in there if it wasn't already in the bag #also like a quick think on it and i can see potential arcs for volume two and three #which would make sense as a cohesive three-part #and we know how lucasfilms loves their trilogies :))))))))))) #oh i almost forgot #willow spoilers #even tho not really but still

[britneyshakespeare]

You versus the guy she tells you not to worry about

#i did look this up a few hours after i reblogged that post yesterday(? or was it the other day) I DO BELIEVE IT'S SHELLEY #if only for the fact that it was for most of a century being identified as LEIGH HUNT instead! yeah right #that is not leigh hunt in 1822 #i recommend googling the uva library article about it. it shows the full portrait which the telegraph does not in its preview #and that one is also behind a paywall so i couldn't even reeeead it #thank you university of virginia <3 #it is not slacking for information btw. there's a forthcoming article by the person who propisitioned that this is shelley #i look forward to it #percy shelley #art #william edward west #romanticism #portraits #sorry amelia curran. your painting is still better than i could do #but i am feral at the thought of having such a professional likeness #THAT IS A REAL MAN BEFORE US #with such believable and realistic features #i want to believe #i know without a proper title given by the painter we'll never really know #but i a million times will accept this is shelley before i accept that the cobbe portrait is shakespeare lol #whenever i see that being published as shakespeare im like. sir. that's clearly thomas overbury #chandos portrait stans rise #sorry i dont often post about it but i am obsessed with likenesses of famous ppl especially disputed ones #especially disputed ones before the innovation or proliferation of photography!!! cuz wow!!!!