#but like. shadowgast canon. shadowgast definitely canon.

[bloopitynoot]

3 Shadowgast fics that made me ugly cry

Okay so I read a LOT of shadowgast fanfics and I wanted to share some of the ones that made me absolutely weep. (I was going to wait until tomorrow but I got too excited to share).

All of these have some intense emotional distress, but I promise you all they may be angsty but they absolutely have happy endings.

They are all set in very different AU's, are hefty completed fics, and have similar feels!

1. the breathe before the phrase

(171513 words) by @kmackatie Chapters: 20/20 Rating: Explicit Summary: The ringing note of a concert A is played by the oboe, echoing on its own in the space. It’s picked up by the wind section, followed rapidly by the brass, and the familiar feeling of an orchestra calibrating takes over Caleb. The tonal adjustments as each person brings their instrument into alignment sinks into him and something inside Caleb shifts in recognition as Essek leads the strings into their own tuning. It’s like something is waking up, like something unfurling and firing across long-unused paths of memory. His hands shake slightly, as he raises his bow and joins them, fingers fumbling against the pegs and fine tuners that give him control over his instrument. ---- Essek Thelyss is a leading violinist, his spot as Shadowhand of the Rosohna Philharmonic Orchestra has been uncontested for over a decade. Caleb Widogast is a recent arrival to the city, convinced by his friends to audition for one of the vacant violinist positions. After starting off on the wrong foot, Caleb and Essek get to slowly know each other, discover what brings them joy, create while defying expectations, and find out that what they can produce together may just be better than anything they can do separately.

Why I cried: The amount of pressure put on Essek made my heart absolutely shatter. That plus the pinning between Caleb and Essek had me weeping. The hurt/comfort energy. The bad parent Dierta and of course past Caleb Ickythong trauma healing. Other than the story itself Katie has put so much energy into explaining the music, the playlist is stunning, and the inspiration for the played pieces in the fic are grounded in actual compositions. No spoilers, but the ending is gorgeous <3

2.Till Human Voices Wake us

(66080 words) by @ariadne-mouse Chapters: 23/23 Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Additional Tags: Merman!Caleb, no Mighty Nein but otherwise canon setting/events, Neutral evil Essek, Essek-typical anxiety and fatalism, Loneliness, Hurt/Comfort, spooky gothic vibes, some horror and disturbing imagery, the ocean as a threat/love language, Illustrations, drowning themes Summary: Essek Thelyss, lonely and ambitious prodigy, comes to Nicodranas to make a risky gamble with the Assembly. At the water’s edge, he finds himself swept up in another dangerous entanglement he can't seem to escape — and as time goes on, he's less and less sure he wants to. Will his treasonous alliance or the sea itself devour him first? (Or, the one where Caleb is a merman.)

Why I cried: okay so look, this story was so fucking sad I can't even begin to describe it. The love and longing between the two, the tragic backstory for Caleb. Treason = death for Essek (it's a happy ending though so do not worry, but I definitely worried so you don't have to LOL). It also has some stunning art in it!!!

3. what luminous worlds await

what luminous worlds await (178674 words) by @essektheylyss Rating: Mature Additional Tags: Champion of the Luxon AU, Alternate Universe - Future, Space Opera, Religious Conflict, religious trauma, Violence, Minor Character Death, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Dreams vs. Reality, Demisexual Essek Thelyss, Past Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Angst, Fictional Religion & Theology, Implied/Referenced Sex, Mention of Using Sex as Self-Harm, several immortals grapple with loss while trying to save the world, so so many liberties taken with consecution, this wouldn't be a problem if you'd EXPLAIN matthew mercer, and/or if a certain drow would give literally any straight answers, (I mean he can't give straight answers when he's not straight), Background Fjorester (Past), Post-Canon, …very post-canon Summary: “You seek my nature. It is a lonely endeavor. Would you like to join me on this path?” “Yes.” — After a thousand years, a divine champion awakes in a lightless cave above Port Damali with little memory to speak of and a beacon in his hands. Even as he struggles to piece the past together and process what he has lost while he slept, the future demands he answer for the crimes of his elders. It offers little in return, but perhaps there are fragments of possibility awaiting him.

Why I cried: Omg oh boy, this one made me BIG cry- honestly one of my favourite fics I have read so far. A true space opera, a story of love, in many forms, over time, space, and multiple lives. I sobbed from chapter one literally until the end. Though I think you will need an A03 account to read this one, but it is worth the wait to set one up. My partner watched me cry so much while I read this. I totally did download and save this fic to send to pals so they can cry with me. It is worth the agony for this happy ending. I might still be crying LOL

#for the shadowgast shippers #shadowgast #shadowgast recs #caleb widogast #essek thelyss #cr m9 #mighty nein #critical role #honestly some of them I sobbed while explaining the premise to my partner because I have a lot of feelings #these are all worth the length

[utilitycaster]

Unpopular opinion: the tower conversation between Caleb and Essek was a define-the-relationship conversation on a 20+ intelligence level and with the context that defining a relationship does not inherently mean "we have decided whether or not we are dating from this point onward with the only options being a static yes or no," and if more of the fandom read it that way, there would be significantly less equivocating over their relationship and how often Essek is mentioned in regards to existing and potential post-canon content

This is very funny to me bc if you were not off anon I'd be like "man what does Megs say about it, she'd know more!" Anyway, after this one I'll be taking a break bc I do need to do a bit of D&D prep and this is going to be a slightly long one. To that point, it's below the cut.

Anyway, thank you, because I very much enjoy Shadowgast but I don't know if I've made as much of a study of it as others have, or as I have for other ships, but this led me to rewatch/reread the transcript for this speech (2x133, btw, starting around 3:26:00 for those wondering) and: yes.

I think this is definitely the 20+ INT level version; it is entirely about theory, and the arcane, and everything is subtext. But it's not unprecedented. If I were to do the mathematical thing, and I will, and reduce it to a problem I already know, this is akin to Fjord and Jester's conversation in episode 2x72. Compare:

LAURA: Would you do anything to get them back?

TRAVIS: No. No, but, I feel like I knew what I was doing, and I realized I have no idea.

to

MATT: "You spoke once of intent, lot of fortunes have changed since. What is your goal? Ultimately?"

LIAM: I think my priorities have mostly shifted since we last spoke about things like this. I think what's going on right now is more important than my petty, earthly grievances. Still very much fascinated with and attracted to ability and skill. And it's not fashionable to say, but to power. Who doesn't feel the tug of such a thing? But, uh-- yeah, I said it knowing what your reaction was going to be. I see you outside. (laughs) But it doesn't matter. There are bigger things than you and I.

MATT: "I think that's the key. The pursuit of magic, in the ways that we know it, in the ways that we've been disparately, but in some ways similarly raised and studied. At a certain point, it becomes about the self. It becomes about what I can do. And it's impressive that you've deviated at your skill level. I just hope it holds."

LIAM: That's the key, isn't it? Because if you were to put the very thing that I have wondered about for so many years in front of me, I'm really not sure what my reaction would be.

It is, as you say, a definition of the relationship. It's not "we are now dating;" it's them figuring out if they want similar things; if they will be not just compatible but good for each other. It's foundation laying and setting boundaries for something that won't come to fruition for some time yet, but it's undeniably something more serious than mere friendship.

I think the tower conversation is also uniquely important because it's Caleb's first romantic overture after meeting with Trent. He volunteers the information about his past not just willingly, but specifically in order to connect with Essek rather than to protect him or push him away. They are even able to laugh about it together, and that's really it. This is the point where romance becomes an option.

There's more - I think that Essek admiring Caleb's ability to set aside himself despite his rapid progression as a wizard is absolutely a flirtation, as is Caleb saying he's attracted to "ability and skill" - but really in the end it's them saying "this is my condition, and you have met it." I think the relationships that lack some kind of condition and stakes like this - and to be clear, it's okay if, as with several relationships I don't cover here, those stakes and boundaries are set not through a clear conversation that serves as a turning point but rather more implicitly/through actions - end up feeling fundamentally empty and lacking in possibility because there isn't that tension and that recognition of each other.

#answered #essektheylyss #opinions rating ask meme #cr tag

[aeor-is-for-reccing]

Works In Progress: A Shadowgast Rec List

Check below the cut for nine amazing fics that are still coming out! Check them out, and don't forget to comment or kudos if you like them!

the fourth corner of the world by royalgreen (50775,Mature) Reccer's Content Notes: No Notes

An alternate TravelerCon arc where Essek is along for the ride

Reccer says: Cool and thoughtful worldbuilding, written during the hiatus so it's different from the canon TravelerCon. Excellent pining, wizards being soft, and Mighty Nein shenanigans.

zwiefacher by VillainIHaveDoneThyMother (94489,Explicit) Reccer's Content Notes: Choose Not to Warn, Rape/Non-con

a Bren/Essek scourger au where Essek is the prisoner of Da'leth and Bren is the Annex to Ikithon. Their paths cross, then Bren forgets and meets him all over again.

Reccer says: The worldbuilding is incredible, there is a richness packed into every sentence that presents a stark au version of Rexxentrum and the war. It uses memory loss as a fascinating story device, with some dark and intense moments that keeps you reading. One of my favourites!

disreputable presumptions by hanap (4147,Explicit) Reccer's Content Notes: PIV sex

Friends with benefits lawyer AU! Caleb and Essek have a standing appointment for casual sex, and feelings definitely won't get involved..

Reccer says: The pining here is UNMATCHED. Caleb is smitten and trying to hide it, Essek is demi and starting to catch feelings, they're both absolute disasters. And it's always fun to see modern AUs where the author leans into a niche interest/occupation.

oh, sinnerman by SaltCore (26704,Mature) Reccer's Content Notes: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Suicidal Thoughts

Caleb and Essek are nothing more than allies after their expedition to Aoer. At least that is what Caleb thinks - is he wrong about that?

Reccer says: The emotions, the tension and the heartbreak are excellent!

sleep, with benefits by KmacKatie (39423,Explicit) Reccer's Content Notes: No Notes

Caleb wakes up after the best night of sleep, realising that it's because he's not in his own bed, but Essek's after sleeping with his colleague he's been secretly crushing on for six months.

Reccer says: A delightful fic where Caleb they are both in love with each other but neither of them talks about it and this thing between them is totally casual, no feelings involved at all, they are both detached and professional about this. It lasts for five seconds but they keep being intentionally oblivious about it until they are forced to confront what they mean to each other. It's delightful circumstances full of unsaid moments, and some incredibly hot smut.

kiss me goodbye by LivThael (12182,Explicit) Reccer's Content Notes: No Notes

A modern AU where Caleb and Essek are hooking up, with no feelings involved. Unless?

Reccer says: It's hot and they're both disasters (affectionate)

Meeting you counterclockwise by Chiakery (18130,Teen) Reccer's Content Notes: No Notes

Essek meets a red haired wizard over and over again through his youth, only to encounter a younger version of him later in his life. How is that possible?

Reccer says: It's so much fun to read and a unique view into Essek's youth.

resonance broadening by toneofjoy (15735,Mature) Reccer's Content Notes: No Notes

Shadowgast as labmates who start out hating each other

Reccer says: It's a highly specific AU with plenty of details about academics, and both Caleb and Essek are snarky with one another. There's also a great supporting cast!

a body in absentia by nonwal (9754,Explicit) Reccer's Content Notes: No Notes

A scourger AU where Bren decides to seduce Essek, which turns out to be more complicated (and more rewarding?) than he anticipated.

Reccer says: The banter is witty, the tension is delicious, and Bren is a charming brat. It’s only two chapters in, but the asexual representation is already one of the most interesting and nuanced depictions I’ve seen.

Aeor is for Lovers is an 18+ Shadowgast Discord server. The above fanfic recommendations were pulled from our community for this weekly event. All fics, unless otherwise specified, will primarily feature Shadowgast. And hey! Don’t forget to leave comments and kudos for the lovely authors!

Check out the previous WIPs Recs Lists here [1] Have any questions about what this is? Check out the FAQ! Next week's theme is Learning To Accept Love!

#shadowgast #cr fic recs #fan fiction rec list #aeor is for lovers #critical role fan fiction #caleb widogast #essek thelyss

[maryallenc]

i'll always love widobrave first and foremost always amongst canon caleb ships. (it's generally slept on these days, but it's canon. unspoken and perhaps ambiguously requited, but definitely canon). since ep 1 and all the way into the end, i adore their dynamic and how it developed through the series.

however, there really is something that's just so satisfying to me that shadowgast is endgame, especially in regards to caleb's character progression.

it's the romantic relationship caleb had that didn't start out during a period in his life when he was desperate, hurting and alone, like when he was with astrid and eadwulf, who were in the same situation. it's not a romance where he decisively shelved away even the possibility of it in accepting silence, like his feelings for jester, and is nevertheless happy with friendship.

hell, his and veth's relationship are arguably both! desperate people clinging to each other. quietly dismissing romance in favor of an already intimate friendship even when they're already getting better at removing unhealthy mindsets (of course, there's the married thing, too).

but by the time shadowgast starts happening, caleb is already more assured of himself at that point in time. in contrast to the desperation, he was so cautious. in contrast to keeping quiet, he was allowing himself to the possibility of something, however tentatively.

this isn't really meant to compare which ship is better or anything like that. i just find it interesting to think about caleb's canon romantic relationships, his mindset at those point in time, and how it makes a difference.

it's just fascinating to me.

#critical role #caleb widogast #nott the brave #veth brenatto #essek thelyss #eadwulf grieve #astrid beck #jester lavorre #blumendrei #widojest #widobrave #shadowgast #mighty nein

[redjennies]

for the AU meme, even though I'm not so good with the AU ideas: how about Vasha in an AU where Veth ran into Yasha instead of Caleb?

like I've been bouncing this around in my head for two days now trying not to just think of how upsetting that she was already screaming Yasha's name during the King's Cage and how heartbreaking that would be if that was also Her Person. also just like the second love of Veth's life being explicitly a woman is very relevant to my interests as someone who is constantly yelling about how the percentage of young moms who are bisexual/lesbians is way larger than people realize.

like I think Yasha and Veth would be considerably less codependent than Caleb and Veth were because I think Yasha would still need her space and wander off, but it would still be very intense because Yasha and Veth are still both just intense people when it comes to who they let into their lives. I also think Yasha would be far worse at running schemes, but it would have this vibe of like small cunning, mean gangster and their giant goofy bodyguard gangster who is sometimes like "oh right, [bad acting voice] we are totally lovers who are mad at each other! how dare you! *flips table*"

I would definitely keep that they met in jail. Nott for the same reasons as canon and Yasha for barbarian bar fight nonsense. I like the idea of despite them being far less codependent, Nott still immediately realizes something is wrong when Yasha is kidnapped with Fjord and Jester because I think she would be more perceptive to Yasha's tells to when she's about to wander off than Molly was. that's not an insult but Molly was pretty laissez-faire about Yasha's coming and going in a way that made sense for his personality where Nott would be like "no, this is different. something is wrong." ditto to her also being just as adamant as Jester is about Yasha being mind controlled. like her Yasha wouldn't turn on them. she knows her.

inevitably I feel like every version of Veth that follows a mostly canon plot would always end up with Yeza in the end because he's great and I think Veth ultimately wants both her family and her adventuring life. like I think Veth would self-sacrificingly shove Yasha into Beau's arms just as hard as she tried to marry Caleb off to basically anyone who showed interesr. there would be even more HEAVY DISCOURSE™ about my beloved beauyasha if that element stayed the same and I would probably be just as "Yasha and Veth have TWO hands" as I am about the brenattos/widobrave/shadowgast polycule that exists entirely in my head. does it say something about this fandom that my AU cannot help but hypothesize for potential discourse?

#i have more thoughts bouncing around that i haven't entirely conceptualized so if this gets another reblog a week later y'all been warned #asks #ask games

[eldritch-elrics]

i cant remember if u watch critical role so, that, if you havent

i haven't! it's the sort of thing i would probably enjoy if i got into it, but just feels like too big of a commitment...

ok well i know it's an actual-play dnd show that's run through multiple campaigns and also all the episode are really long and intimidating <3 hmm what else do i know....

the main characters of the most recent/popular(?) campaign are collectively called 'the mighty nein'

there are lots of characters. i only know a couple

one of them is a spooky goth woman who i used to see sexy fanart of. i think her name is laudna

whoever the members of the ship "shadowgast" are. i seem to remember there was controversy over how this ship was made canon (or maybe it wasn't made canon and that was controversial?)

jester, who is silly and likes sweets. @candygothjester you.

ive DEFINITELY seen more art of other characters but cant think of any of them...

ummmmmm matt mercer is there

oh there was an animated tv show!

all the blogs i followed for taz stuff forever ago have by now all gotten into critical role and instead of unfollowing them i've just had the tag blocked for years lmao. so i've not been able to osmose as much stuff as i sometimes can...

#asks #ask meme

[duskoscrawl]

a second alphabet of crit role (and other) fics

as promised, as i have hit 100 fics, here is a new alphabet of fics (with some letters repeated from last time i did this)

and in dreams (we will meet again) - shadowgast soulmate dreaming au

basically a god - mollymauk seer au, where molly knows the gentleman is jester's dad (but nothing changes)

calculations and conversations - m9 aeor au: essek and caleb meet during caleb's first day on the t-doc project

deliberation (disc) - jester and essek go to claires! (claire is a dwarven blacksmith mc from uthodurn)

everyday maintenance - milo fixes themself some friends (ashton and fcg) (part one of krook house family shenanigans)

focus - the raven queen considers what campaign two would have looked like if any other member of the nein had 'gone molly' instead

guiding bolt - or jester comes to terms with being herself through a series of conversations with the rest of the nein - through and post campaign

harvest close hairpins - caleb and essek come home after an evening out with the others, post campaign. soft and fluffy like lumpy the cat

it means puppet - how easy would it be for a prime deity to accidentally kill one of their acolytes? anyway, melora gives cad that third divine intervention

just little old me in a big, big world - orym knows vox machina a little better than he was initially letting on (everyone is trans!)

kinds of light - the last day of aeor, through the ever burning lanterns of the genesis ward

lily petals and rainfall - cad's prophetic dream, from the night before the nein climbed his fence

monster in the mirror - on veth and laudna, murdered young women, finding themselves again after death

nostalgia club (extra-curricular) - the cinderbrush gang hang out at sasha's place and jamie gives sasha an undercut

of the sky - m9 aeor era au. a moment between marion lavorre, ruby of the sky, and her husband as the city of aeor sails over beautiful frozen landscapes

prasopita - cooking with jester and caleb!

questions and anger - hey, can't people be nicer to ashton? milo and fcg will hurt people to make it so

requiem for a nobody - the funeral for cinderbrush's amanda beltman

stay with me - c3 milo angst because i love the last of the nobodies

thinner than a razor - m9 chapter fic au. the original lucien meets the members for the mighty nein in trostenwald, and the adventure is shifted

unto the earth - m9 post-canon. beauyasha and green beans for caleb

view from student services - part one of the ofmd kid fic au, where stede and ed are coparenting a hoard of children

waldhexe (spare us from your claws) - in the zemni fields, life goes on, and the ermendruds' neighbours see the ghost of a boy they once knew come home

xhorhassian cuisine: an essential guide for parties crossing the ashkeeper peaks - beau lionett's first draft of a guide book for adventures seeking new travel options. the cobalt soul will not ask her to write another

you'll hear when i do - the people of felderwin gossip about veth. they definitely buried her, but she's also definitely alive. AND she has a wizard now

zemnian housewarming - essek joins the nein for caleb's housewarming party (he's got a gift from aeor)

#chill to reblog #critical role #campaign 2 #campaign 3 #finished fic #cinderbrush #ofmd #tah dah! #fic recs

[saltytothecore]

INFINITE REGRESS AND POLLEN PLS POLLEN IF I HAVE TO CHOOSE ONE BUT I WOULD LIKE BOTH V MUCH PLS PLS PLS

hey blu 💙

infinite regress is a shadowgast timeloop fic - Essek accidentally kicks it off during the fight with Lucien and eventually ends up in canon, where he then has to deal with the fallout

pollen is a sex pollen fic for sex pollen haters. Essek gets dosed in Aeor with a probably not lethal but definitely miserable sex pollen. Caleb offers to help, downplaying his own feelings in the process, which Essek first turns down but comes around to after he can't stand it anymore. Instead of the pollenee being passive, Essek takes charge, to Caleb's surprise and delight, because Essek has had it bad for Caleb but hadn't figured out how to tell him. Cue misunderstandings and aspec thoughts afterward

snippets for both below

infinite regress:

“Are you all right, where are you,” he rambles, panicked words tumbling from his mouth. “Are the others with you, please be specific, please, I’ll come immediately, just tell me, Jester, please be—” The spell snaps, all his words used. Lamely, he finishes with a meek “all right.”

He presses his hands to his mouth, waiting, praying for a reply. 

“Essek!” He makes a noise that cannot decide if it is a sob or a laugh as Jester’s voice fills his mind. “We’re at home, at the Xhorhaus—”

It worked. 

He saved them.

It worked.

Essek does not even wait for her to finish, Teleporting immediately into that familiar address. He appears in the main hall, only feet from Jester and Fjord. Her face is screwed up in concentration, and Fjord’s hands are held up, to count for her.

“You don’t sound good, did something bad happen? Do you need help? What’s going on? Are you okay?”

Essek winces, the rest of her words finally catching up to him, on a slight delay from what his ears have heard. 

“Jester!” 

They both start. Essek’s heart is hammering in his chest. They’re alive.

Essek throws himself at her, taking her by the shoulders and kissing both cheeks, greeting her like the beloved denmate she is, then throws his arms around her neck. She flinches, but reaches back, hugging him so hard it hurts. 

He laughs, wheezy, until she lets him go.

He turns to Fjord, grabbing him by the arm, just to reassure himself. Down the hall, Caduceus, Beauregard, and Yasha poke their heads out of the dining room. He can barely see them through his tears. They’re alive. They’re all alive.

“Ach, what’s going on?” comes a familiar, beloved voice from further in the house. Caleb, Caleb, leaning out of the door to the training room. His hair is haphazardly tied up, and there’s a bit of ink on the side of his nose, and he’s frowning in that way he does when he’s interrupted from study. 

He’s never looked more perfect. 

Essek cannot bear the distance—he closes it with a bit of magic, vanishing in a swirl of mist as he folds space until he is standing before Caleb. Caleb’s frown vanishes, replaced with wide eyes and a parted mouth. 

It’s—it’s too close to the last memory Essek has of him. 

He wipes it away with a kiss, touches him like he’d tried to before—before he died. Essek trembles against him, but Caleb stands firm. Stands—

Still.

annnd pollen:

Essek paces the length of the room, breathing labored like he’s running. His temples are glistening in the low light, making him look fever sweltered. His pupils are blown wide, and that is its own thing.

His agitation is contagious—Caleb is fidgeting, suddenly regretting taking a seat. 

“Stop means—” Essek growls, palms the bulge in his pants. “I don’t want to get more complicated than stop. Or, two taps, anywhere on my person. Or—” a word Caleb has never heard before, probably Undercommon, but maybe Essek speaks whatever language the pebbles preceding a rockfall do. “Just throw me across the room with the spell of your choice, if you are no longer comfortable with the proceedings.”

Caleb reaches out, catches Essek by the elbow. The silk there is damp with sweat. Suddenly all of Essek’s attention is on Caleb—blown out pupils, slightly parted mouth, perked ears. 

“The same will go for you?” Caleb’s boundaries are not the only ones in play. He is trying to help, yes, but the medicine need not be bitter. 

Three breaths over nine seconds, loud in the relative silence. 

“Yes, of course.” He says it like a formality. Caleb wonders if he should push, to properly hammer out the understanding that, even to Essek’s detriment, he would back off, but Essek throws a knee onto the sofa and hovers over Caleb. 

“Is this all right?”

“J—ja.”

Essek pulls his other leg up, sinking into Caleb’s lap. He is sitting taller than Caleb, this way. If Caleb is to look at him, he will be looking up. Caleb presses into the sofa, letting his head fall back. 

“I would start with—” Essek’s eyes fall to Caleb’s mouth. Caleb nods, suddenly not trusting himself to speak. 

Essek leans down, resting most of his weight on arms braced either side of Caleb’s head against the sofa back, and tastes his lips. The first brush is a question, a hypothesis—soft, well kept lips on his, testing give and angle. This close, Caleb can feel the poison’s heat radiating off Essek. Would swear, on his life, that he can hear his rabbit-fast pulse. Essek makes a noise, low in his throat, almost like surprise, and then there is a fist in Caleb’s hair and a tongue between his teeth. 

Any thoughts of having to coax Essek through this evaporate like they’ve been set to a hard boil. There is only trying to keep up. 

[dawnstarranger]

ask meme: A, B, G, S, T :) (s optional if you cant think of anything on the spot!)

(I'm sorryyyyy this took ages!!! Same as last ask I finally posted, I'm doing LoD with a bit of BG3 as far as fandoms go)

A: Ships that you currently like a lot. (Romantic/platonic/etc)

You've got me totally on board with Jarlaxle/Kimmuriel, ngl. I love their dynamic whether one sees it as romantic or platonic, because it's very much A Choice for both parties to form this bond and offer each other so much trust despite having a million reasons not to. There is no overwhelming outside entanglement- magical/spiritual/whatever- keeping them entwined, it's just a deep friendship that they've made a conscious decision to honor and I find that to be compelling. For BG3 I'm ashamed to say that I am frothing at the fucking mouth over every little piece of durge/gortash content that passes my dash. I can't remember who first started posting about it a lot and bringing it to my attention, but that person has thrown me bodily down a rabbit hole of questionable content.

B: A pairing- platonic, romantic or sexual- that you didn't initially consider, but someone changed your mind.

Both of the above, though I was already fairly onboard with Jarlaxle/Kimmuriel from the very beginning.

G: Have you ever had an OTP? If so, do you remember your first one? Who was in it?

I really don't remember tbh? I tend to feel like anything outside of canon is pretty mutable and I like seeing different interpretations or even playing with different pairings and what the dynamics might look like. If I had to pick something that I RB consistently I do really love Jester/Fjord and Shadowgast from CR season 2, and obviously Drizzt and Catti are soulmates lol.

S: Show us an example of your personal headcanon.

It's not that I don't have them! It's just that I tend to enjoy piecing together a personality from the text/media or even just enjoying other people's interpretations more than I tend to create hard and fast HCs. I prefer playing with the idea that here is a character with a set of traits that don't come from me, and treating them more like their own entity than just an OC. Though with that said, I loveeeee seeing other people's HCs so I'm not shooting the idea down at all! I'd say that, much like shipping, it's something that I like to play with and test how I feel towards different things? If it's not in the text, it's not nailed down and fixed, so to speak.

T: Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending?

Related to the above, I can't really think of anything (though that doesn't mean that I don't have any, I just can't think of a good example to give). There are definitely interpretations of characters that I disagree with and avoid like the plague, which is still me having my own interpretation at the end of the day, but not a lot that I would feel like fighting with people over?

#rukafais

[your-turn-to-role]

I'm too fried to express it eloquently, but I think... the problem with the S/G ending that are getting people riled up is how it's presented in game? I guess. I mean I'm totally fine with how it turned out, but I guess the way it's just summarized in one line and then the rest, how their relationship will play out... is all up to the fans to deal with and rationalize. I guess that might make people feel turned off. Like it's there but it's not earned like it should be?

honestly i fully expect a certain portion of the fandom to be mad bc this happens in every fandom with every ship that ends in an even slightly aroace way so like im just gonna ignore the inevitable trash fires from that and focus on the fact that caleb essek relationship canon

(like, i'm not saying i don't sympathise to an extent, bc you didn't get as much exploration of them as other relationships got, but these were two very guarded people who only started being close at the end of the campaign, a kiss or love confession would have felt rushed and personally i would not have been a fan)

(but like.... there's a lot of things we didn't get to see. and i understand being disappointed, but also i think this was as good an ending as we could get)

and because liam framed that in a very angsty way, if it helps anyone feel better, here's what got confirmed in that ending:

caleb and essek are together and matt said essek was very on board with this when liam asked

we already know caleb was very in love with essek because liam has said it in every talks where he gets asked, and quite a few where he doesn't

caleb will spend the rest of his life with essek

they will use this time going on many research expeditions and returning information to the cobalt soul, learning more about the things they want to, caleb will teach at the academy, essek finds a home outside of the dynasty

the m9 check up on each other constantly

this is pretty much exactly the ending the whole fandom came up with and if you would like to imagine, like, kissing? is that the only romance thing that didn't explicitly come up here? that's very on the table

#also to quote the conversation my group chat is having rn relationships with npcs are tricky #like it is difficult to play essek as a character with as much agency as the other players when matt's the dm? #but like. shadowgast canon. shadowgast definitely canon. #it would be nice if we could have had a whole other story arc to explore it but sometimes things don't work out that way #also it's just like. really nice. as an aspec fan. to have the possibility of a canon qpr #very few other stories do that and the main one would be good omens which gets called homophobic.... constantly. #so like yeah im very happy with this #cr2 #cr spoilers #c2e141 #essek thelyss #caleb widogast #shadowgast #ask

[spottedenchants]

Relationship: Essek Thelyss ~ Caleb Widogast

Characters: Essek Thelyss, Caleb Widogast

Additional Tags: Established Relationship, somewhere between a romance and a qpr, Queerplatonic relationship, Adventurer Essek Thelyss, POV Essek Thelyss, wizards and hands and gloves oh my, Sexual Intimacy, the Henry Crabgrass Paradigm is baked in, Post-Campaign 2 (Critical Role), Canon Compliant

Words: 300

Series:

Part 43 of the Touching Sentiments series

Part 40 of the Touching Sentiments (Chronological) series

Summary:

As the instruments of their chosen crafts, mages’ hands, held gloved, hold import as much as intent.

#essek thelyss #caleb widogast #shadowgast #critical role #chanse writing #i feel like i'm really stretching canon compliance by this point in the timeline but it's fine xD #i’m working from a very nge angle with all this religious verbiage in that fun words go brrr #also the juxtaposition of one detached from the notion of divinity #within a ruined bastion of those opposing the divine #living with one's own definition of that which is holy #they’re not getting married here they’re just Like That #or. ts!essek is just Like That i guess xD

[aeor-is-for-reccing]

Look below the cut for 18 incredible Works In Progress!

birds of prey by mllekurtz (TheKnittingJedi) (91852, Explicit) Warnings: CNTW, mind the tags on later installments Evil Shadowgast AU in which Essek finds himself dangerously entangled with scourger Bren Reccer says: Incredible tension, razor-sharp characterization, and absolutely scorching hot 🔥

heat by Anonymous (20307, Explicit) Warnings: no archive warnings apply AU where elves under go a heat cycle as part of their normal biology every century or so. Essek has been medically delaying his heat by about 20 years. He asks Caleb to help him through it. Reccer says: This fic is SO horny and tender and sweet. It was last updated before ep 97, so there's no betrayal arc. It's just two hot boys fucking each other over the course of days. It's a heat fic but it's specifically not an a/b/o fic.

The Monkey's Paw by jakia (4654, Teen) Warnings: No archive warnings apply AU fic written during 2020 hiatus. Once Caleb has finished saving the world, Essek finds a way to give Caleb what he's always wanted: a simple life, with his living parents. But the problem with getting what you've always wanted is that sometimes you learn the hard way that what you thought you wanted and what you really want are two separate things. [Shadowgast, where post-campaign, Essek sends Caleb to a different timeline where he's a farmer, not a wizard] Reccer says: Love the worldbuilding, both the alternate version of what post-canon canon would look like, and the actual alternate universe that Caleb is sent to.

the fourth corner of the world by royalgreen (allyoop) (50775, Mature) Warnings: No archive warnings apply An alternate take on TravelerCon where Essek has joined them on Rumblecusp Reccer says: It was started during the hiatus, so there's some really great alternate worldbuilding for an AU version of Rumblecusp and TravelerCon. Essek and Caleb's relationship is also a delicious slow burn.

This sudden burst of sunlight, and me with my umbrella by Criticalpancake (63817, Teen) Warnings: None The one where the Nein are Orchid Smugglers (and Essek is still a traitor) Reccer says: I love incredibly specific AUs, and this definitely counts. Plus, I love the way that the author translated the Nein's backstories and personalities into this very different setting

Dappled Shadow and Penumbral Light by Professor_Rye (463977, Mature) Warnings: Graphic Violence/Torture, Trent Ikithon being his awful self The slowest of slow-burn post-canon Shadowgast epos. Reccer says: If we're talking about ongoing fics, this one just has to be on the list. A behemoth of a story that is far from over (and updated regularly) I promise you it is worth to invest the time to read it. The characterization is excellent, and it ties up a lot of threads that have been left hanging when C2 ended. There is intense angst and pain in this fic, but also two idiot wizards in love and lots of soft and fluffy moments between them. It also features a very honest portrayal of disabilities and dealing with chronic pain. Truly the whole package. <3

the great war of the nein sided tower cats by egg (strwpup) (43737, Teen) Warnings: None Honestly, the title is all you need to know. It's Caleb's tower, it's cats, it's plotting and bickering and well... It's war. Reccer says: I love the concept and the surreal undertones. The characterisations are great and the cats... Don't get me even started about the cats. They are AMAZING and you will not see the tower with the same eyes after you read this.

A Tapestry of Stars by Cinderstorm (95903, Explicit) Warnings: None Caleb and Essek end up in an arranged marriage, with each side having their own goals and secrets Reccer says: Politics! Intrigue! Space! Arranged Marriage! What's not to love? This has gone a long time without updating, but what's there is enjoyable on its own.

Pieces Left Behind by Meadow (Medorikoi) (66911, Explicit) Warnings: Rape recovery This is techincally a sequel but can be read by its own. Essek and Caleb trying to recover after Ikithon. Reccer says: This is a pretty dark fic but also moments I love in it. Essek and Caleb's relationship- their co-dependecy is so good to read. The care they have each other. Despite the heaviness of the fic the slowbırn is delicious. I would sell my soul to read more of this- or just wipe my memory to reread.

The Legend of Widogast Manor by royalgreen (allyoop) (6620, Teen) Warnings: No archive warnings apply Essek investigates an abandoned manor, looking for magic. What he finds is the mysterious Caleb Widogast, a man with secrets who may not be a man at all. Reccer says: VAMPIRE FIC. Love all the vampire fic for this pairing, love the AU meeting, love the building mystery and the excellent spooky atmosphere the author evokes.

Ashkeeper, or Urn by darundik (60385, Explicit) Warnings: under-negotiated kink Caleb and Essek are exiled and stripped of their magic. They find their way forward. Reccer says: There's some amazing worldbuilding and description, and the initial sadness just makes the hope even more delicious

Coping Skills by sumomomochi (105862, Explicit) Warnings: None Caleb is an exchange researcher at the Tomes, Essek is responsible for monitoring him for the Dynasty. Essek doesn't date and only has platonic kink since he thinks his disability is too much work for anyone to bother with him. Cue Caleb venturing into the local kink scene and setting his eye on Essek, making him want to brave the minefield that is relationship, with an empire human no lessand all that entails. Reccer says: I love the well thought out relationship, the softness and the SSC kink portrayed, which proves disabilities and health conditions don't have to prevend one from doing things they want to do, provided a willing, caring partner.

Starling by Kaiannae (147960, Mature) Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence; some parts are very dark but it is thoroughly tagged! Bren breaks out of Vergesson and steals a fairy while doing it. It's a beautiful AU about Bren's time right after Vergesson, with a focus on survival and Bren's relationship with the mysterious fairy. Reccer says: It's a beautiful exploration of the time Bren might have spent after escaping, the descriptions of nature are magnificent and Fairy!Essek is a treat.

the golden thread around your neck whispered visions of my undoing by MarsBar2019 (80879, Explicit) Warnings: The inherent dubcon of sleeping with your employee, Caleb typical angsty backstory and mental health issues Essek is the CEO of an arcane tech company and Caleb is his new assistant. Reccer says: The spicy, mildly problematic office romance you didn't think you needed. But listen, I PROMISE you do need it!! It has incredible world-building, really memorable side characters, and the slow burn is just chef's kiss perfection. Mark my words, this is a modern classic of the Shadowgast fanfic canon!

You Be You, And I’ll Be Busy by theprophetlemonade (21321, Teen) Warnings: It has the Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, so it might have darker topics A series of one-shots about Essek and Caleb spending nights in Aoer and mornings in the Blooming Groove. Reccer says: It's wonderful and very poetic storytelling with very deep look into Essek's thoughts and actions.

oh, sinnerman by SaltCore (9614, Mature) Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Suicidal Thoughts Caleb doesn't love Essek anymore, but things don't really add up Reccer says: Salt is a master of emotional angst and this fic is no exception

Soak me in your sin by witches_chant (3382, Explicit) Warnings: Consensual Non Concent Caleb and Essek roleplay some CNC with a cultural twist Reccer says: Some of the best CNC I've ever read. The care and attention between Caleb and Essek is constantly shown, despite the roleplaying they're doing.

And two fics for

Love Letters to Toss Into the Fire by Anonymous (42868, Teen) Warnings: None Caleb and Essek begin a secret correspondence in which they feel free to say the things they struggle to say aloud. Reccer #1 says: Fantastic slow burn and beautifully woven into canon. The letters go to such emotionally intimate places, and it's always a joy to see what enchanting (and enchanted) form they will take in each chapter. Reccer #2 says: The letters and the thoughts behind them are reason alone to read this fic. Besides that it is a beautiful exploration of their relationship.

Aeor is for Lovers is an 18+ Shadowgast Discord server. The above fanfic recommendations were pulled from our community for this weekly event. All fics, unless otherwise specified, will primarily feature Shadowgast. Have any questions about what this is? Check out the FAQ! Next week's theme is Fics Featuring Astrid and/or Eadwulf (not Shadowblumendrei though, that’s a separate theme)

#Aeor is for lovers #aeor is for reccing #critical role fan fic #fan fic rec list #shadowgast #Wips #incomplete fics

[quinn-of-aebradore]

So. Kingsley Tealeaf. I have thoughts.

Best to say this right away, I’m very disappointed about his existence. Everything was leading up to Molly, and while I think the concept of another fresh slate is interesting, it felt really... awkward? to me during the finale. Not enough time to get to know this new guy, which does make some sense, he doesn’t know himself even. But after all the build up, calling out to Molly while fighting Lucien, the ritual, it’s failure, Divine Intervention. How he was acting while Empty. That still felt like Molly.

And now, here we are. With someone new. Very different but the same in some ways as well.

I don’t feel cheated exactly? But it’s something close.

Molly has been my favorite for ages and I was so excited to have him back. And now he’s completely and truly gone. After thinking he was back.

Maybe I do feel cheated, just a bit.

Was this what was going to happen all along? Was it the Greater Restoration that did it? Cannot wait to hear Tal explain this during the wrap-up.

I like Kingsley, I do, he is entertaining. But he’s not much compared to Molly, in my eyes. The most interested I was in him was that weird shit during his epilogue. Like what?! But that was it.

Maybe if he shows up during any one-shots or in C3 he’ll grow on me. But that would take a lot.

#adding this here : my disappointment about King definitely influenced how I reacted to shadowgast when I didn’t catch that they went canon #because I was already upset about one of my favorites going a way I didn’t like #having it happen again was a lot #but things with the wizards are good and canon and beautiful so I feel good about that #anyways just figured I’d put that out there #critical role #cr spoilers #mollymauk tealeaf #kingsley tealeaf #concluding character thoughts

[fjorests-of-wildemount]

.

#this is a silly 2am thought #but can you imagine a Shadowgast wedding one-shot? #like its definitely not in the cards #and I'm not sure i even think they'd even want to get married in canon #but the sheer gooey romanticness of the idea #if an entire 4 hour RP session #aroud their steadfast love for each other? #the sheer lovesick gaze in Matthew Mercer's eyes? #the epicness of Jester the Wedding Planner? #Veth's Best Woman speech?? #LIAM RECITING CALEB'S VOWS??????? #anyway things that run through mind when sleep eludes me #shadowgast #simply too silly a thought to actually blog lol

[catalists]

Chrome’s shadowgast fic rec list, vol 1

Well, well, well, if it isn’t the consequences of my own obsession with wizards. I might make another one of these eventually if y’all keep churning out absolute bangers, but in the meantime, here is a list of my top Shadowgast fic recs.

One rule here: I’m limiting this to one fic per author--but many people on this list have a broader oeuvre you should definitely check out.

Your disclaimer: this is not a full literature review, but rather my personal favorites. Caveat lector!

* = fic is rated M or E

sleeping in the shadow of an other self by nonwal | @nonwal

Essek has a moment to consider that gravity-based trust exercises have never worked for him, and then the spell hits. He leans back into it, falls, falls.

(In which Essek is resurrected by the Mighty Nein and framed for innocence.)

Okay, listen. If you haven’t read it yet, you’re missing out. There’s a reason it’s at the top of the list. 30k of absolutely phenomenal characterization of not only Shadowgast but all the M9 and the coolest plot to ever plot. Not only a fantastic first read, but a phenomenal re-read as well.

multitudinous echoes awoke and died in the distance by mousecookie | @ariadne-mouse

Caleb takes a step forward and stumbles.  As he catches himself he realizes something very odd.  His hands are shadowy and translucent.  His whole body is a shadow, in fact.  If he holds his palm up to the sky, he can see the stars twinkling faintly through it.

Sharp talons of panic dig into his chest.  He feels solid - if he grabs his own wrist, he has mass, but it is wrong.  Everything is wrong.  What is happening?

Prepare Fireball, commands a voice in his head.  

The voice is familiar.  

It takes him a moment to realize it’s familiar because it’s his.

An absolutely fabulous pre-relationship fic, written before the end of the show but you wouldn’t know it from how perfectly it nails the dynamic. Ariadne has written a ton of other fabulous Shadowgast fics and I encourage you to read them all--I’m just limiting this list to one fic per author to try and cover more ground.

Great Minds by bluebirdsongs

Essek uses more high-level dunamancy in battle, and Caleb tries to reverse-engineer it when he can't sleep. AKA What if we were both wizards and I cast Tether Essence on us to save your life?

This is a gorgeous fic, both for how it handles Caleb and Essek’s conversation--with profound deftness--and for the treatment of magic-as-math. A beautiful exploration of both dunamancy and Caleb and Essek.

to make a cradle of your palm* by renquise

Essek offers Caleb his spellbook, open to the page of a new spell.

As Caleb suspected, his adaptation of Essek's gravity spell was different in its conception, for all that the result was the same. The architecture of this similar spell speaks of a different thought process, a different set of basic assumptions. It is beautifully engineered, efficient in its use of components and energy: a simple spell requiring only a length of silk thread and yet capable of reaching over a great distance and causing great damage, if applied with intent to harm.

“If you would like, you can, ah. You may—" Essek gestures at his own throat, a quick, inelegant spread of fingers. "Test the application of pressure that the spell exerts."

It takes Caleb a moment to register what Essek is proposing. He is a delicate speaker, as always.

Oh man, this one just goes for the jugular (ha) in the most perfect way. The prose here, like everything renquise writes, is absolutely masterful, and the tension between Caleb and Essek is exquisitely rendered.

fist-fighting with fire just to get close to you by kaeda | @the-kaedageist

Caleb caught Essek’s eye across the dome, and Essek returned his small smile. “It would seem that it is trickier than expected to keep things on a…private channel,” Essek thought at him.

“Unfortunately,” Caleb replied.

“Unfortunately for all of us,” Fjord interjected.

(Spoilers for campaign 2, episode 138)

Kate has a fabulous gift for getting the Mighty Nein’s voices exactly right, and this fic is no exception. This takes the hive mind/telepathy of the eyes to its hilarious, heart-warming, logical conclusion and it’s an absolute joy to read.

(perhaps i may) elaborate by demonstration* by marsastronomica | @marsastronomica

After the second fight, they rest again. There’s still time left in the day, and they may as well push as far as they can. Essek and Caleb find time between action to talk. And negotiate.

This one is an absolute banger. The flirting! The tension! The incredible intense game of chicken that Essek and Caleb are playing this whole fic...it’s amazing, you can hear the dialogue in their voices, this is another one that I read and then had to tell everyone about. And now I’m telling you about. Go read it, it kicks ass.

I’ve been lost before (and I’m lost again, I guess)* by toneofjoy

Caleb has plans to take down his old coaches. Essek has secrets. They climb rocks, make new friends, explore professional boundaries, learn about consequences, and maybe even fall in love. It’s the Shadowgast climbing AU.

AUs can be a tough sell for me, but this one’s not. Half the joy in this is the fabulously vivid world that is built by the author who absolutely knows the ins and outs of competitive climbing and expertly shares it with the reader. The other half is the beautiful growing relationship between Caleb and Essek, which is a consistent joy to read. It’s still a WIP, but I promise it’s worth reading along.

the other things that make us* by saturday_sky | @saturdaysky

Essek returns, when he can, to the sanctuary of Caleb's home. The peace of it is a balm against the tedious peril of the road, which has more misery to share than Essek had ever thought. It's nice to have a place where he can lose himself: in a book, in arcane study, in the confusing allure of Caleb's smile.

It's nice. And the cats miss him, Caleb says.

[First chapter is a complete story. Second chapter will be a follow-up epilogue to it.]

This one hurts in the best possible way. I can’t highlight my favorite bits without giving it away, but the emotional beats of this absolutely beautiful post-canon fic are top-notch and the reveal of information is perfectly executed.

darkness to me is only water to the sea by treeviality

Essek knows how his story ends. There is a place in Rexxentrum where executions are carried out, wooden steps leading up to a wooden platform. There hangs a noose, swaying lightly in northern wind, while polished cobblestones shine bright in golden light.  

There will be birds, Essek imagines, and when the lever is pulled and gravity takes hold of him one last time, he hopes they take flight.

This now-AU take on Essek being arrested is lyrical and beautiful and the author has a tremendous grasp of language and also how to rip your heart straight out of your chest and then gently replace it.

---

And, if you’re still looking for fic, I have a few, but one of my favorites is:

we never do go over (we always gotta go through) by Chrome

In the last fight with the Tombtakers, Essek Thelyss bends reality to keep them all alive and pays the price. As he copes with the aftereffects of his own magic and the party takes the long journey back to the surface, Essek and Caleb finally confront what they are to each other.

or,

Five times Essek woke up with level(s) of exhaustion and one time he didn't.

#shadowgast #essek thelyss #caleb widogast #critical role #cr fic #cr fic recs #fic recs #fic rec #cr

[kiapet2]

I’ve been thinking a lot about the whole fandom kerfuffle over Shadowgast’s ending, and after cooling my head a bit I’ve decided that it’s a conflict between Liam and Matt playing the romance in a subtle way that’s consistent with their characters, versus the queer community having been burned too many times to trust subtlety.

Liam and Matt have been playing an outright romance. All of the things we’ve been commenting on- the physical intimacy, the heart-to-hearts where they stress how important the other is to them, the consistently going to and aiding each other in battle- all of it was their developing romantic relationship. And it definitely came across that way, at least to me- I mean we were all pointing out how romantic the two of them were constantly being when the episodes were coming out. They didn’t need a kiss or an outright confession to make it real because it was already there, and having a big romantic moment would feel out of place for Caleb and Essek, who are so very guarded.

The issue is that there are so many pieces of media out there that have men doing the sorts of things Caleb and Essek have been doing, only for the creators to turn around and be like, “Oh no they’re just friends, no homo haha”. Sometimes creators even deliberately play up the romantic dynamic to attract fans with no intention of actually following through on any of it- which is the actual definition of “queerbaiting,” despite fandom’s love of using it to describe any romantic developments they don’t like. Even when characters canonically end up together, if there’s not a kiss or explicit declaration of love other fans will still deny it. We’ve been trained, over and over, to see anything less than a neon sign saying “these two characters are a romantic couple” as meaning they’re not actually together.

So you add that up- two characters who are slow-going and cautious in developing any sort of romance, and a fandom that’s been conditioned to see anything other than an outright declaration of love and/or a kiss on the lips as being baited, then throw in Liam’s love of incompatible lifespan angst and the fact that this was after seven hours and everyone’s brain was fried, and you get a situation where Liam and Matt made what they understood to be a canon romantic ending, while the fandom was completely split on what actually happened.

I’m glad that Matt and Liam set the record straight on twitter, though I understand why some people are disappointed it wasn’t clearer in the show itself. I do think the intention makes a difference; they didn’t deliberately keep things vague in canon and then say the characters were gay outside of it for brownie points, they truly meant to make the romance explicit in the episode and just didn’t come across quite like they’d intended. Which is a result of CR being an unscripted roleplay- sometimes these things work out and sometimes they don’t. That’s why we have things like Talks Machina, to help clarify after the fact. The real problem here is the environment that makes it so hard to trust that gay relationships in fiction are real, and which makes the few canon examples we do get end up having to stand for gay relationships in general rather than just being able to exist as themselves.

I do hope that in the future there will be one shots, comics, ect. that will be able to make things clearer in the canon material itself. But for now, I’m happy with the knowledge that Caleb and Essek are in love, and will be together in whatever way works for them.

#cr spoilers #critical role spoilers #critical role #critical role meta #cr meta #shadowgast