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revvethasmythh · 1 year

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Me? doing WIP Wednesday? It's more likely than you think (I'm waiting for things to bake and I'm bored but also maybe I'll start doing this more consistently).

“Luc,” she started hesitantly. “Are you sure you want to do this? I’ve lived this life before and it’s…it’s pretty dangerous.”

“What’s the worst that can happen? I die?” Luc scoffed and bumped her shoulder with his. “Been there, done that, Mom. What’s left to be afraid of, really?”

Veth sighed heavily. “Oh, baby, a whole world of things.”

He was quiet for a long moment, staring out over the wharf, watching the waves roil and glisten in the setting sun. She watched him as he watched it, seeing the way he sighed in contentment as he looked out over the endless waters. There was an adventurer in him, no doubt about it. “I do know that, Mom,” he said softly. “I’m not stupid. I’m not…completely naive. I’ve seen Aunt Yasha and Aunt Beau’s scars. I’ve talked—I mean, I talk to Caleb a lot. Still. I know it’s not all fun and games. But I just—I’ve got to. I want to. Even knowing the risks.”

“That makes you pretty brave, kiddo,” Veth managed, throat suddenly tight.

“Not braver than you,” he said with more assurance than was warranted.

Veth laughed. “Oh yes, it makes you much braver than me. You think I would have chosen the life of an adventurer under other circumstances? If I’d had any other choice?”

Luc’s brow furrowed. “Come on, Mom. Don’t pretend you didn’t like at least some of it. I know you did, otherwise you never would have taught me any of the things you did.”

She had to give him that. “No, you’re right. I did. Unexpectedly, of course. But I did it because I had nothing—and I mean nothing—left to lose at the time. I didn’t have family. I was pretty alone. And, well, there was a whole slew of other reasons. But I didn’t start out knowingly. And I was scared all the time, for a very long time. I was, uh, not the bravest, you know. At least, not at first.” She rubbed his shoulder and then pressed a little kiss there. “I like that you think highly of me. But you’re grown now, Luc. You should know that I shouldn’t be idolized. I wasn’t as much of a hero as you think I was.”

Luc scoffed again, this time louder. “Oh, come on,” he said. “Not a hero? You saved the world, Mom! How many people have a parent who does something like that?”

“Okay, yes, I mean you’re not wrong. But besides all the heroics, what I mean to say is that I was just a person,” she said. “I’m still just a person. I’m your mother and yes, I saved the world more than once—not to humblebrag—but I have made plenty of mistakes, Luc.”

“What really happened?” He asked, blurting the words out so quickly it took her a moment to register what he’d said.

She blinked. “What? What really happened when?”

He hesitated. It was never a good sign when he hesitated. Usually he just said whatever he wanted whenever he wanted. “That time,” he said, nervously plucking at his pant leg, “when you were gone. What really happened? Dad never told me. And I…I guess I never had the nerve to ask you before. Because you were gone, Mom. For, like, a while. And I remember being with Edith? I think? Because Dad was gone, too, and-and, yeah. That sucked. But you guys have never…you’ve never told me what was actually going on. And Caleb always speaks in these long-winded Zemnian riddles. I think he does it to throw me off so I won’t ask him about it any more.”

“You’ve asked Caleb about this?” Veth asked with a jolt.

“Well, yeah,” Luc said, like this was an obvious conclusion. “At least he says more than Caduceus does. All Cad’s ever said was ‘It was a lot.’”

#the context here is that luc is 25 and off to start his adventuring life (the same age veth was during the campaign)#anyway this is pretty hot of the press (I just wrote it) but also I really like it #wip wednesday #critical role fic

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bevthespecial · 1 year

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Had a real horrible thought.

What if Beverly doesn't survive this series? I vaguely remember some spoilers coming out before the series aired that said a main cast member would die? (I'm too feart to look up if what I'm remembering is right)

What if it's her?

One last heroic act to save her space family, to make up for disappearing on them all? To repay them for the sacrifices they made coming to her aid?

One last tearful order to Jean-Luc to be there for Jack, because despite their estrangement, they are all the family each other has left.

A wish for Jack to let Wesley know if they ever cross paths that she loves them both so, so much, and that she's sorry, for everything.

"It would be like it always was."

No, I trust Terry. He wouldn't.

He couldn't.

#beverly crusher #jean luc picard #jack crusher #start trek picard #spoilers #picard spoilers #emotional damage #id be so mad but also not mad?#its complicated

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eolewyn1010 · 2 years

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How Star Trek: Picard managed to piss most of its potential down its leg

Hi, I write overly long, cranky comments on stuff that I watch. It's all my biased, terribly argued, rude personal opinion, and it's generally chokeful of spoilers as far as spoilers can go. Feel free to ignore.

First, because I'm petty: I could have done without the lens flares. They were annoying in the J. J. Abrams movies, and they are annoying here. Put that light elsewhere, will you?

And now let's get into how characters get fucked over. Continuity? Who's that? ...didn't Picard have, like, a brother or something? How comes said brother never shows up or is even mentioned in the flashbacks to his childhood? It's always Jean-Luc here, Jean-Luc there. And then the absence of Lal in all these talks of Data's daughter(s). Was she ever even mentioned in passing? She should have been the main point of reference for Data's species of androids procreating. Also, we get zero reflection on Picard's opinion on his synthetic body. What was even the point of introducing Picard's fatal illness in the first place if he was supposed to survive it? Dude is canonically older than ninety; it would have been perfectly alright to have him die a natural death. Honestly? When that plot point was introduced, I was like, "oh, makes sense; they wanna give him a deadline - this is a one-season thing to introduce the next Star Trek generation and send Picard off heroically." And then they just… didn't. He survived the end of the season. As a synthetic human. Which he doesn't take an issue with. Despite the massive trauma he had from his stay in the Borg collective that sent him up the wall back when he first met Hugh. No issue with being an android now tho. Cool.

I also find it strange that holograms are not forbidden at all - even though we know from previous Star Trek series and get reinforced here via Rios' crew that they are indeed a form of synthetic life, with personalities and autonomous intelligence and all. They argue with their boss, for heaven's sake! The news lady holo deliberately provokes Picard! (And I love the archive's Index; they're awesome.) What, are you telling me holos can't be corrupted the same way androids can? Then I gotta ask you how your computers work. They aren't striving for freedom and being put on equal level with organic life? I got a Doctor over here who'd like a talk with you. This double standard weirds me out.

Cristobal Rios and his holo crew were btw a favorite of mine in season 1. I loved the scenes with them, their interactions with human Rios, all the snark. So, of course season 2 wasted no time in doing away with them. Not only did Seven apparently unite them all into one (WHY? That's just IDIOTIC; Rios created an entire crew to man his ship - WHY WOULD SHE ROB HERSELF OF THE HOLOGRAPHIC STAFF???), this one also only shows up for introducing Seven's situation, and then bye. Y'know, I love Rios himself, and his storyline in season 2 with the cute doctor lady and the entire immigrant issue of the 21th century tackled is intriguing. But still, throwing away the holo crew was a sucky decision.

Then. Seven and Raffi. Seven of Nine? Great character. Awesome character. Loved her back in the ever-so-flawed Star Trek: Voyager, love her even more now. They really made something of her, and damn if she doesn't look fine in something that's not a skin-tight catsuit. And the development she went through between Voyager and Picard! I love how they reintroduced her character. And Raffaela Musiker? Hell, I learned to love that woman within five minutes of screentime. She's doing so great. ...and yet, when they ended the first season with these two great ladies holding hands, I was like, "huh??? What the actual fuck?" Gotta say, it is a real accomplishment to set up a queer relationship between two characters I love and annoy the shit outta me with it. Because Seven and Raffi? Have exchanged maybe three sentences at that point, in a situation of high crisis. And then one of the last shots of the season is them sitting there, holding hands and making heart eyes at each other? WHERE DID THAT COME FROM??? Did they have any heartfelt interactions? Moments of great trust shared? Did they get to be there for one another? None of that! (Also, why is it Seven again? Her relationship with Chakotay at the end of the Voyager series came out of nowhere all the same. Is that supposed to be a running gag?) Of course, then comes season 2 and catches up on that, building their relationship - after they have basically ruined it, because the season starts with them being at least geographically long-term separate and Raffi lowkey moping that she'd hoped for something more. I'm a little willing to cut them some slack because over the season, they spend a lot of time together and talk about their relationship (and are hilarious squabbling girlfriends in between and I'm here for it), but that really didn't get off to a good start.

And for all I like season 2 and the positive changes, they have picked up on The Curse(TM). Of killing off sympathetic characters to get across how dark and edgy they are, that is. Seven's adopted son Icheb? Got fridged graphically in his, like, two minutes of screentime so Seven suffers and is vengeful. And then they take that EXACT storyline and recycle it for season 2! By killing Elnor so Raffi suffers and is vengeful! That is so DUMB. Only they already introduced Elnor within this series' canon over the course of the first season to us. They made him funny, and sweet, and a bit of a dumbass. This fine, cute himbo material who might be a killer machine but has the social competence of a rock. They made us care. Me, anyway. And then they toss him away in season 2. Fuck. You. Wasn't Hugh enough? I say Hugh was already too much. I kept reading "Hugh survives" premise fanfic for weeks on end because I just couldn't believe that they would throw away a beloved character like that. But I guess after tossing away Hugh, it was easier to toss away Elnor, too, who was bonding a lot with Hugh during the first season. Don't need one, don't need the other either, amirite? Just kill them; it's not like the audience loved them or anything. (Ill logic also that Raffi loses her cool, but Seven doesn't this time around when she was kind of a parental figure toward Elnor, too.)

There's one more character who falls prey to The Curse(TM) and in an ungrateful manner, too - offscreen, that is. Zhaban dies between seasons for... no reason I can logically discern. He wasn't ill as far as I can tell, he wasn't very old. He was admittedly not as consequential of a character as Elnor and Hugh, so it didn't leave me with the same amount of hurt, but it left me wondering just what the hell was that for. He was a nice guy, he would have been taking care of Picard's estate with Laris while Picard's off on adventures. Honestly, I'm bitter enough at this point to wonder if they only killed off his character so they could do what they do best, hook up their old white male lead with a woman twenty years his junior - yeah, I know, Romulans age slowly, so Laris is approximately the same chronological age as Picard or even older, but my point is that she, as a woman, is required to look younger to be considered as a romantic partner. Is that why Zhaban had to die?

Note also that they kicked off the plot by killing Dahj's boyfriend (how charming that the first dude dying in this series is not only a non-Terran, but also a POC; that jibes really well with the anti-racist message), and then they killed off Dahj herself. Sympathetic, relatable, friendly and positive Dahj to whom we were introduced for an entire episode is killed off - to give us Soji instead. Who is snappish, hostile, arrogant, and proves willing to kick off a galaxy-wide genocide of trillions of people to save the synthetic species on cost of every single organic species of the galaxy. Gotta love her. And I wasn't even willing to cut her some situational slack because at that point, they hadn't put much effort into warming her up to me in general.

But that fits into the protagonist-centered morality, doesn't it? Which pisses me off a lot, because previous Star Trek series always made a point of how the protagonists could be in the wrong and had to bear the consequences of their actions. Soji wants to kill off organic life in the galaxy and only got talked out of it last-second via Picard, our great hero, because who even cares about other life than him? Oh, goodie; all is forgiven and she goes on to become a celebrity ambassador of the galaxy. Agnes Jurati, after all she has done, murder and conspiration for more murder and whatnot? Yeah, she runs around freely in season 2. Not even psychological care after the entire Romulan brainwash thingie? Okay, whatever. She seems like a stable, reliable person. And Picard - I would find it funny that he gets repeatedly called out on his sheer fucking hubris if the people doing the calling-out weren't permanently framed as being in the wrong. Because it is hubris. Dunkirk?? Fuck you. Fuck you and reframing of real-life history to set yourself up as some kind of great hero. This comparison doesn't hold up, because the death of the Romulan planetary system was not a war situation with two antagonistic forces; it was a natural disaster. (Also, the Dunkirk evacuation was a means of absolute despair. How good of you to try and get some glory out of the situation of a fucking despairing people, Picard.)

Not to mention season 1 spent way too much time on antagonists I found not really compelling. Narissa was just disgusting and didn't live up to her big fat ego, Narek not interesting enough for such an extended romance arc that was bound to fail anyway (plus superfluous talks about how hot he is? Got nothing else to do, Soji, do you). This takes too long. Thanks for bringing in the Jurati-Borg Queen relationship and Q for the second season! Q is also an exception in the way they treat the old characters when they bring them in, in that he's actually utilized in a way that fits him, with his dirty tricks and relations to the Borg and stuff. The others? Hugh got killed off, Riker was of minimal impact except to return as deus ex machina at the last minute (how was he even authorized to do that??), and Deanna was of no consequence at all. Oh yeah, and Data is alive, kind of! As turns out in the last episode of the season. Only to kill him off then without his character being of interest at all, so the farewell scene lacks any emotional impact. And there's Guinan in season 2 as a plot device, and with not much recognition value because that actress isn't working much with what's established of her character. I know they try to justify it with the fucked-up time she lives in, but that only goes so far. Can't wait for season 3; they already announced the return of all the old crew, Worf, Geordi, Doc Crusher... presumably to have them show their faces once and then get outta there ASAP. Or get killed off.

TL;DR: Shoot me now. There are just enough things about this series that intrigue me sufficiently to keep me watching, and just enough to gnaw my fingers off in frustration. This could have been so good! Stop killing off the characters with potential!

#Star Trek #Star Trek Picard #personal opinions #which means you don't need to feel attacked by this #this got way salty #got this out of my system

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avenuedrita · 2 years

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Notorious screenwriter ben

He called it “the first city of my manhood.” The sea of faces - including those belonging to friends Carl Sandburg, Sherwood Anderson and Theodore Dreiser - galvanized him. Hecht lasted three days at the University of Wisconsin before boarding a train to Chicago in 1910. At his death Hecht was absorbed with “Shylock, My Brother,” an unfinished treatise/memoir that makes the case that the Bard’s moneylender was “one of the few heroic Jews in classical literature.” The Bar Mitzvah gift he received from his parents was four crates of “grown-up” books - including Dickens, Shakespeare, and Twain, in which he immersed himself as if in a warm bath. The book begins with his Bar Mitzvah and ends at his dotage, with Shakespeare as a decisive figure. Hoffman allows that “Jewish politics, too, also played a part in the current amnesia surrounding Hecht,“who accused America’s most powerful Jews and FDR of gross dereliction during World War II and championed the Irgun in its fight for a Jewish state.Īs Hoffman tells it, whatever his contradictions as an artist and shortcomings as a man, Hecht is exciting company. Mencken, his occasional editor and admirer, delivered a cruel verdict on his skills when he said Hecht “had a considerable talent, but there was always something cheap and flashy about him, so I was not surprised when he gravitated to the movies.” Then again, Mencken was not what one would call a philo-Semite. She thinks it likely that his “discipline-jumping between art and entertainment, highbrow and low, made him suspect in literary quarters, and that suspicion followed him past death.” In her opening chapter, Hoffman mulls over the present-day invisibility of the journalist’s journalist and novelist’s novelist of the 1920s, the screenwriter’s screenwriter of the 1930s and 1940s and the propagandist of 1939-1948. “Here the question of what makes a ‘Jewish life’ seems especially fraught, since he insisted on defining his Jewishness in the narrowest terms…as if Germany’s invasion of Poland had somehow altered his DNA.” For the author, “Being Jewish was fundamental to being Ben Hecht.” “Hecht made a point of grandly asserting that he ‘became a Jew in 1939’, when he began to ‘look on the world with Jewish eyes,” writes Hoffman, who then proceeds to call him out on this concoction. “He invented 80 per cent of what is used in Hollywood today,” said Jean-Luc Godard, the French filmmaker quoted in the first paragraph of Adina Hoffman’s splendid monograph, “Ben Hecht: Fighting Words, Moving Pictures,” the latest title in Yale’s “Jewish Lives” series.Īt 232 pages, it is a trim book, a fraction the size of Hecht’s autobiography, “A Child of the Century.” As Norman Mailer cracked, Hecht was “never a writer to tell the truth when a concoction could put life in his prose.” Hoffman brings objectivity and an amused skepticism to her subject. The son of immigrants from Belarus and the Ukraine, he was born in New York, self-made in Chicago and minted in Hollywood where he won one original screenplay Oscar for “Underworld” (1927) and another for “Notorious” (1946).

#Notorious screenwriter ben

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stellarismegistus · 2 years

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❛ someone wants to play. but let me tell you, two can play that game. ❜

[ luc, who has planted a Bad Idea seed in his Garden of Regrets ... i.e., he's a lil bit feral and is about to do something stupid, probably re fatui ... ]

┊ ┊ ⋆˚ 𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒 𝐈 𝐍𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐈𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐃 | ACCEPTING

Oh no. That gleam in his eye was one to be feared; the very least was to leave one worry. She had known of his activities around Mondstadt being that hero when the Knights of Favonius were not involved; him doing his best to be ahead of them. It was his own way of doing things and she respected it highly. She was not one to put her faith in others when the job could be done better on her own. Mona did not blame him one bit. Although, this was an entirely different story. He seemed different when this particular group was involved, different than if Abyssal mages were hanging around. She heard of the talk around town that the Fatui were seen on the outskirts of town, for reasons unknown. She knew that in one way or another he would catch wind of the Fatui being in the area, rumors spread like wildfire in this city, despite her efforts to keep that information from him.

Mona walked up to him, a serious look in her gaze as their eyes met. ❝ I don’t think so. You are not partaking in any 'game' here, Diluc. I will keep you here by force if I have to.. ❞ she spoke out, concerned for him and what he could potentially get himself into. She had known from talk around the town how he could act when the Fatui were involved and she was not wanting to see anything bad happen to him. Her comment seemed empty, not believing that she was actually able to keep him there, and away from his new agenda.

❝ I.. ❞ she paused, letting out a deep sigh, shaking her head in disagreement to his idea. She had one card to play and she was going to play it. Whether he took the bait and stayed or not was fine, but it was all she could come up with in the spur of the moment. Who knew? He could cave in and she would be sort of getting her way in both paths. ❝ If you plan on doing anything relatively stupid, labeled as 'heroic', I will be coming with you. No exceptions. ❞

#u go mona take action aasdfhjkgl #dilucisms #( ✧. ┊ ⁭answered desires ; asks )

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kazewhara · 2 years

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good morning, sunshine. (2)

good morning, sunshine (1) feat. kazuha

# — pairing: diluc x gn!reader

# — characters: gender neutral reader, diluc

# — summary: before dawn, at the winery.

# — warnings: mentions of blood, past injuries/scars

# — tags: fluff, waking up with diluc, physical hurt/comfort

# — notes: i can't shake this idea of waking up beside diluc. like whenever lone sojourner comes on, i'm just. i'm there with diluc. i'm gonna practice piano again so i can play the dawn winery songs. also this type of music.. does anyone else get the feeling that diluc can play guitar? no? just me? okay. anywho, as always, reblogs and reactions are always appreciated, and i hope you enjoy!

# — song(s): hide and seek ; ib ost , blind alley ; ib ost

✧ — 🔥 — ✧

what wakes you isn't the rising sun.

what wakes you is the shuffling of your fiancé as he sits on the edge of the bed as he struggles with something unseen. diluc had promised you he would be out for the night -- he's always out at night -- but that he would be back a little before dawn.

he has never, not once, ever broken that promise to you. it's become routine for you to wake to the sight of diluc resting peacefully beside you. sometimes he'd be awake, other times he isn't; but he's always there, asleep or not. you usually found comfort in seeing his blazing hair tangling itself on his pillow.

today, however, is a little different.

"luc'..?" you mumble as you blink the sleep out of your eyes. it's not too unusual for him to be up before you, but the hunch in his shoulders is as clear as day, even in the dim light. "darling, are you alright?"

diluc freezes at the sound of your voice. he's shirtless, you notice, and he's not facing you. his hair is up in a high ponytail; did he just return, then? he turns his head to face you, the ghost of a smile on his lips. "did i wake you?" he reaches back a bit to stroke the side of your face. "i'm sorry, love. i didn't mean to."

you make a noise in your chest. "s'fine, i would've been up soon anyways." you ease yourself into a sitting position, squinting when diluc's shoulders go taut as he readjusts himself. you shuffle closer to him, but he moves away. "diluc..." you say in warning. "what are you hiding?"

your fiancé doesn't meet your eyes. it's then that you notice the bloodstained bandages that cover one of his shoulders and wrap around his torso. it wouldn't be the first time that you've seen him injured, but it doesn't get any easier with time.

diluc is insistent on protecting mondstadt in his own special way. you can't deny that his tenacity is admirable, but when his heroics take such a toll on his body, you wonder where he will draw the line, if ever.

still not looking at you, diluc sighs. "there were... more abyss mages than i was expecting," he confesses. "i didn't want to wake you or anybody else, so i tried to handle this on my own."

even when he's in need, the famous darknight hero asks for help from no one; not even his lover. you crawl across the bed and switch on the bedside lamp to get a better look at what he's struggling with. it's not as bad as it seems. the bandages are loose enough for you to see the cuts and gashes that need better treatment, but they look shallow. diluc still doesn't look at you, likely out of shame.

"i know you tell me to be more careful, but i couldn't let a single one get away." he almost sounds like a scolded child even though you haven't said anything yet.

you hum understandingly as you head to the cabinet in your room that holds medical supplies. it was weird to have something like this in your room at first, but with a future spouse so prone to injury, it blended in very quickly. diluc keeps speaking as you rummage through the cabinet.

"it wasn't just abyss mages either, i... i don't know if they coordinated an attack or something, but," he hisses in pain, "they got too close to mondstadt's gates."

"is that so," you murmur absent-mindedly. he was making excuses for himself in an attempt to appease you; you had to feign disinterest in order to keep from laughing. "at least you stopped them."

diluc finally looks at you, watching as you apply some healing solution to a cotton pad. "i'm sorry to make you do this again so early in the morning." his brows furrow when you move his arm to treat one of his wounds. "are you upset with me?"

he finally asks. you press your lips together to suppress an amused smile. "a little." you're not exactly lying. you are upset, but not for the reason he's thinking. you keep your statement vague on purpose, quietly snickering at the guilt that washes over diluc's face. "move your arm, love, and grit your teeth. this may hurt."

diluc does as you say. "is there anything i can do to make up for this--?" his words are cut by a pained groan.

"well, first of all, you could learn how to patch yourself up." you click your tongue as you finish redressing his wounds. diluc murmurs a low "okay" and you giggle this time, relishing in the bewildered look in his eyes. "second of all," you sit on the bed beside him and kiss his jaw. "i'm not mad at you."

"you're not?" he frowns at you. "but you're usually upset whenever i come home like this."

you rest a hand on his bare shoulder. he's not wrong. the new and faded scars that litter his skin still make your heart twist whenever you see them. as attractive as they may be and as interesting of a story each scar may tell, you're tired of going to bed every night wondering if diluc is going to come home alive. the last thing either of you want is for a knight to come knocking at your door with such morbid news.

but as much as you hate to admit it, you share in your fiancé's sentiments; if the knights of favonius weren't going to keep mondstadt safe from the creatures that threatened the city during the night, then who will? you wish you could fight alongside him, but not only were you visionless, but your skills weren't based in combat. the most you could do was apply your medical knowledge whenever he needed it.

so your issue this morning wasn't that he was so banged up, but rather that he tried to hide it.

"the one and only thing i can do for you when you risk your life," you say, making your way on the bed to kneel behind him, "is ensure that you recover enough to go back out there and protect the city." you carefully wrap your arms around diluc's torso and rest your chin on his shoulder. "why did you try to hide this from me, diluc?"

diluc closes his eyes and leans his head against yours. he's like your own personal furnace, even when he's haggard like this. "you're always up at dawn because of me," he murmurs, resting his hands over yours. "the least i could do was allow you some more time to sleep."

"no." you pepper a few kisses on his neck, absorbing the sigh he rewards you with. "the least you could do is let me support you. i don't wake up at dawn because you're disturbing me; i get up that early to make sure you're okay."

diluc brings hie hand up to rest his hand in your hair. "still, i wish you would sleep some more."

you snort. "isn't that my line?"

"i'm being serious, darling."

"as am i." you move off of his shoulder and take his hair down as gently as you can. scarlet locks pour over his shoulders and you work your fingers through it, lightly scratching at his scalp. you chuckle when diluc makes a pleased noise. he catches the sound in his throat and you see his ears begin to redden. "you can relax now, 'luc." you murmur. "it's fine."

diluc tilts his head back to look at you. already, his eyes are begin to droop. he's completely spent; you wonder how he managed to stay up this long even after you finished treating him. "are you sure, darling? what about you?"

you lean down to kiss his forehead. "for once, diluc ragnvindr, worry about yourself. be selfish, love."

diluc straightens himself out, but you can tell he's having trouble staying upright. he must notice as well, because he fixes himself on the bed so that he can rest his head in your lap. you follow his lead so as to make him more comfortable. "then," he yawns, "would be selfish of me to stay like this for a little while longer?"

you smile down at your fiancé, who can't even keep his eyes open. "of course not. good night, diluc."

diluc merely hums his reply.

outside, the birds begin to chirp, welcoming the new day.

✧ it's 2 am,,, what i wouldn't give to have diluc walk in rn :T

#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #diluc ragnvindr #genshin diluc #diluc ragnivindr x reader #diluc x reader #genshin diluc x reader #z scribbles #i feel better now .. a solid 78% at best :D

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cristobalrios · 2 years

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PicardPositivity Day 15: Starfleet

"You were the XO of a heavy cruiser?"

"The ibn Majid. You never heard of it because it doesn't exist. Starfleet erased it from the records."

"Do I detect a certain bitterness toward Starfleet? You must know that Starfleet and I long since have parted ways."

"If you say so. I really don't give a damn."

"Oh, really? I see this ship is impeccably maintained. Every bolt and clasp and fitting in place. Everything stowed in regulation Starfleet order. I don't know what happened to you, Rios, or to the ibn Majid. But five minutes on this ship, and I know precisely what I'm looking at. You are Starfleet to the core. I can smell it on you."

"That's just my tragic sense of life."

"The navigation sensors are back at maximum range. Whatever it was, it scraped off pretty easily. So are we excited? Intimidated? Maybe a teensy bit starstruck. Jean-Luc Picard. Chief contact with the Q Continuum. Arbiter of succession for the Klingon Empire. Savior of Earth from Borg invasion. Captain of the Enterprises D and E. The man even worked alongside the great Spock."

"You are an emergency hologram. We no longer have a navigational emergency. Why are you still here?"

"Well, someone is experiencing an acute moodiness overload. Picard is a good man, Captain Rios. He's on the side of the angels. It's been a long time since you helped out somebody like him. Hmm? A very long time."

"Please, spare me the juvenile Sunday school morality."

"And spare me the angsty teenage moral relativism."

"I already had one grand, heroic captain in my life. The last thing I need is another one. Ten years on, I still can't close my eyes at night without seeing the last one's blood and brains splattered all over a bulkhead. Deactivate ENH."

"Aw, no, no, you--"

"Like a good Starfleet officer?"

"You know, I remember standing the night watch as a young ensign on the bridge of the Reliant. Feeling... I was the only one awake in all that... emptiness, all that silence. I'd forgotten until... just now how much I loved it. I knew Alonzo Vandermeer slightly. He was first officer to an Academy classmate of mine."

"Captain Marta Batanides."

"You knew her?"

"No, but... I felt like I did. She was a legend to the old man. My old man... Captain Vandermeer."

"Hmm. Did he know they were synthetic?"

"I have to believe that he did. He must have thought that, because of that, he'd be able to live with it."

"I didn't know him well, as I said, but... I felt he was a good man. One of the best that Starfleet had to offer."

"He was. I, um... I hate that he died thinking it was really Starfleet that betrayed him. Betrayed itself."

"But Starfleet did betray him. We did betray ourselves. Long before Oh gave Vandermeer that order. The ban itself was a betrayal. Oh, the Zhat Vash... they set the trap, but we could merely have sidestepped it. Instead, we gave way to fear."

"It took her all of five minutes to hack my ship, Picard. And now, maybe there's a whole planet of them. Raffi said the Romulans call her 'the Destroyer.' What if they're right?"

"They may be right about what happened 200,000 years ago. The past is written. But the future is left for us to write, and we have powerful tools, Rios: openness, optimism and the spirit of curiosity. All they have is secrecy and fear, and fear is the great destroyer, Rios, not--"

"I said I would never do it again and then I fucking did it again."

"Same."

"Never again do what?"

"Oh... Mm. So many things. But in this instance, never again kill somebody just because it's what they deserve. Just because it feels wrong for them to still be alive. You?"

"Never again let another self-righteous, hard-assed old starship captain into my heart. Never again have to stand there and watch him die."

"Is there anything you could have done to prevent it?"

"No. I guess there wasn't."

"Hmm. Then I win."

PicardPositivity Prompts

My PicardPositivity Tag

The General PicardPositivity Tag

#PicardPositivity #starfleet #cristobal rios #star trek #star trek picard

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wondersofdreaming · 3 years

Text

Keepsake

Characters: Captain Syverson x female reader (3rd person)

Word count: 1.827

Warnings: Death, loss, hopelessness, light cursing, sadness, melancholy, grief, heartache, mourning.

Author’s note: This story was inspired by the song 'Everglow' by Coldplay.

Do me a favour and listen to the song, while reading this, I'll link to the different versions, depending on your mood.

Everglow (original) by Coldplay

Everglow (acoustic) by Coldplay

Everglow (instrumental) by Alexandre Pachabezian

The links are for Spotify, if they don't work try this link for YouTube

I do not own any characters in this short story, except the wife, son and Elijah Reed, who are figments of my imagination.

A massive, MASSIVE, thank you to my beloved angel, @radaofrivia, for giving me the idea from just a few thoughts, for sitting through with me while I wrote this, for giving me advice and for just being there.

Please check out her stories right here: RADA'S MASTERLIST

MY MASTERLIST

Feedback is appreciated.

(Young Syverson, picture credit to @killjoy-assbutt-1112 - find it here)

Oh, they say people come Say people go This particular diamond was extra special And though you might be gone And the world may not know Still I see you, celestial

Lyrics are from Everglow by Coldplay.

The looming grey clouds were moving closer towards him. He could hear the distant sounds of the rumbling thunder. Before long it started to rain and lightning lit up the entire house. The dirt road was flooded in no time, giving the crops the liquid nourishment they needed.

The former army captain was restless. It was on days like these he missed him, more than anything else in the world. He couldn’t sit still and had planned on working on the house, but the coming storm was putting a stop to that. Instead, he sat on the porch swing he built with Elijah when Lucas bought the house.

The Syversons had moved to their farm when Lucas was 4. A few days into the move, their neighbours had stopped by with some casserole, and to welcome them to their community. Mr and Mrs Reed also had a son who was a few months younger than Luc. Elijah had hidden behind his mother’s leg, a little shy, but with some encouragement he greeted Lucas.

“I’m Lucas, but my baby sister can’t say it yet, she keeps babbling Luc, so if it’s easier, you can call me Luc too.”

“I’m Elijah.”

Sy remembered he was trying so hard to pronounce his new friend’s name. He smiled at the memory, the name had been permanent in Lucas’ mind, only using Elijah, when he was mad at him or thinking he was about to do something stupid, which he did often.

“Lija, wanna play?” Lucas asked awkwardly.

“What?” Elijah looked profoundly confused. “I… don’t know.”

“Go on, son. It’s okay,” Mr Reed tried to encourage him.

“Come with me, Lija. I wanna show ya somethin’.”

Lucas had shown Elijah his new toy tractor that his parents had given him for his birthday. The two young boys had played together, and before long were inseparable.

A round yellow object in the palm of his hand. He was fiddling with it. The coin was always in his pocket, so he could keep his best friend close to him at all times. It was an old arcade coin that you could plot into any machine and play one game.

The two best friends had each gotten a dollar’s worth of coins, but the man at the ticket booth had miscounted, so Sy had gotten an extra coin, which the two friends had fought over during their time in the arcade. Lucas being the protector he was, lost to Elijah on purpose, so his friend won the coin.

“I’ll savour it, it’s going to be my lucky coin!” Elijah has announced.

Syverson swung the porch swing with his booted foot. He stared at the coin, wondering why he had been the lucky one. Luc shook his head faintly, his face full of pain and sorrow.

The coin became a thing that decided their fate. When the boys couldn’t agree on something, they would flip the coin. The picture side was heads and the text ‘No cash value’ side was tails. It might have been worth nothing, but it was a priceless item to the two friends.

“Heads: I ask her on a date, tails: you ask her,” Elijah flipped the yellow coin and covered the back of his hand as it landed. The two teenagers looked over at the brunette cheerleader, who was laughing with her friends. Prom was upon them and they both wanted to ask her. Elijah lifted his hand, it was heads.

The dumb coin was always on Elijah’s side. Lucas let out a soft laughter of the memory. Elijah’s face had been priceless, Sy wished he had taken a picture of it. It had been Elijah’s first kiss that night.

When Lucas decided to enlist, Elijah followed him, even with a lot of arguing against it from Sy’s side. He didn’t want his best friend anywhere near a warzone but in the end, he was glad that Lija was there with him through every hardship during training, when they lost people on their team, when they had to carry the dead back to base, it was better to have a friend by your side and share the pain with.

It didn’t take Syverson long to rank up and become captain. He ended up leading a large group of soldiers in a village in Iraq, with Elijah as his lieutenant, he felt like he could conquer the world.

During one of their trips home, Sy had bought a house he wanted to renovate, maybe start a family in. Elijah had spent every moment he could, helping Lucas with the house. It had made them closer as friends, and they had heartfelt talks about their future. Elijah wanted to come home and help his ailing parents with the farm, maybe get into breeding horses, preferably racehorses. Sy hadn’t thought of his future in that sense by then. He just wanted to relax, drink beer and ride his motorcycle.

There was hardly a moment in Lucas’ life where Elijah wasn’t a part of it. Elijah was his best friend, and if he had to be a little girly, they were BFFs. His best friend’s presence had made every moment special, made them better. It was the hardest part, to not have Elijah by his side anymore. He missed Elijah’s silly, huge and sometimes irritating grin, which somehow made the world seem a bit brighter during the dark times. Elijah made his life easier… he just made it better to have a friend to share everything with.

His heart had broken in a million pieces when the building collapsed on top of his best mate.

“Captain, we need a scouting team. I’m taking three soldiers towards those buildings and see if there are enemies up ahead,” Elijah had suggested.

“Lieutenant, I make the orders here. I’m going,” Lucas commanded.

“Heads or tails, Luc,” Elijah picked out the coin from his breast pocket.

“This is no time for such thing, Lija,” the captain grumbled.

“This is the perfect time, Luc. We promised that whenever we couldn’t agree on something, we would use the coin. So, heads or tails, captain Syverson.”

“Heads.”

The coin had landed on the tails side. Lucas had cursed the coin, fuck, shit, crap, dammit!

“It’s my turn to protect you, Luc. I’m not the scrawny little kid anymore, let me show you!”

Elijah had gathered three soldiers and run between two concrete buildings with a big smile on his face. Sy would never forget the smile. It was a grin of pride and determination. And it was the last time Lucas would ever see his best friend.

Moments later a huge explosion shook the ground they were standing on. Sy watched with horror as the buildings collapsed, trapping Elijah and his team. What they didn’t know then was that the impact with the concrete walls had killed him instantly.

The rest of the soldiers watched as their captain went on his knees. Utter despair and anguish plastered on his face, tears about to escape the corners of his eyes. The usual strict army captain, the man with the muscles, the tough guy who could break you with a stare, was breaking down.

“Lija…” he whispered into the dust-filled space, his voice breathless like somebody knocked the air out of his lungs.

At night he had screamed in pain of the loss of his most beloved friend. His days were filled with hopelessness as he prepared to fly home with Elijah’s corpse in a coffin. The nights only brought nightmares, so he started writing a letter to his best friend and thinking of how to tell Elijah’s parents.

“Dear Lija. I can’t believe you’re… Shit, I can’t even write the word. Just a four-letter word, and yet I can’t fucking write it down on a piece of paper. I wish I could have taken your place, man. It should have been me. I hate you for forcing me to pick a side on that stupid coin. I hate you for being so brave. I hate you for wanting to protect me. Fuck you for dying. Fuck you for leaving me. Here. All alone. What about your parents? How am I going to tell them that you’re… how am I going to face them? You are and will always be my best friend. I wish you could go back to your parent’s farm on your own two legs, not in a fucking box. I miss you, Lija. You’re the closest thing to a brother I will ever get. So rest in peace and keep the seat next to you warm, I’ll see you on the other side. - Luc.”

Lucas had sneaked the letter into Elijah’s breast pocket of his uniform before they had shut the coffin. The coin that Elijah had on him, had been put in a plastic bag with the rest of his belongings, prepped to be given to his next of kin, his parents. But Lucas took the yellow token. He needed a memento to remember his best friend by, something that he could keep with him always. A keepsake.

It had taken every ounce of courage for Lucas to step up to the front door of the Reed’s farmhouse. A house he was so familiar with and had so many adventurous sleepovers in Elijah’s space-themed bedroom. He could smell Mrs Reed’s famous peanut brittle, making it harder for him to knock, but he did it anyway. Standing there in his military uniform, he told the two people, who had acted as a second set of parents to him, that their only son had died heroically in battle. Lucas stood frozen, watching them mourn the loss of their son. He was about to step away to give them space, but Mrs Reed grabbed his wrist and brought him into the hug.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t protect him,” he pleaded, his voice breaking slightly.

“Was he in pain?” Mrs Reed asked, breaking Lucas’ heart all over again.

“No, ma’am. It happened really fast.”

Sy fiddled with the arcade coin. Having zoned out the thunder, not noticing the storm had come and gone. The sun was slowly setting on the horizon. It was a peaceful ending to an emotional day.

A loud wailing came from inside the house. The front door opened and out came his beautiful wife with their young son in her arms. His face was stained in tears. The tiny boy reached towards his father the minute he saw him. In his father’s arms was the only place the boy was happy and content. Sy’s face broke into a happy grin at the sight of his son. His tiny fingers trying to grab the coin in the former captain’s hand.

“This,” Sy showed it to his son, “will be yours when you’re old enough not to eat it.”

He chuckled at the frustrated look on the boy’s face. Sy kissed the top of his son’s head.

“I love you, Elijah.”

#Henry Cavill #This man #I need a drink #Captain Syverson #Henry Cavill x female reader #Henry Cavill x reader #Henry x female reader #Henry x reader #My story #Keepsake #Everglow #Fanfiction #henrycavillfanfic

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ussjellyfish · 3 years

Text

Fic Writer Review

(I’m doing the Star Trek edition and just focusing on my Trek fics, for fun).

Thanks for tagging me, @curator-on-ao3! I tag @aleksandrachaev and @justanalto, @holdouttrout , @meanderings0ul, @lorcaswhisky @pixiedane @rikerssexblouse if you fancy it, and anyone who feels like it. (scroll to the end to copy paste the questions)

how many works do you have on AO3?

354 total, 166 if I just count Star Trek and crossovers with Star Trek

what’s your total AO3 word count?

2,194,290 (I am wordy and badass!)

Behind a cut for length.

how many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

I’ve written for 38 fandoms total. I have fic from Star Trek TOS, TNG, DS9, VOY, DSC, PIC and AOS. I sadly have no Lower Decks fic. (I feel like that would be hard to get write, I’m not that funny)

what are your top 5 fics by kudos? (only Trek fics)

354 kudos, Village Building (Voyager, Janeway/Chakotay) 87925 words which I cowrote with Jacks, who is not on tumblr (she’s from LJ days though we’re still facebook friends!) and a lovely lovely human. It’s Janeway/Chakotay season 5 babyfic and it’s very gentle and sweet and is a really lovely piece about how the crew would look after Kathryn and make space for her to live her life while being captain. Has some very excellent Tom and Kathryn, Kathryn and B’Elanna scenes.

250 kudos, Stellar Entanglement (Voyager, Janeway/Chakotay) 29979 words, which is oddly enough a gift for someone who hated one line of it and we didn’t talk for years. We got over it eventually, but it was rough. (the thing we fought about? how long parental leave would be and I, being an american, thought 6 weeks was normal because my country is evil for parents)

The fic itself is lovely! Kathryn gets pregnant after a one night stand with Chakotay , but he’s on a long distance mission, so they’re separated for most of it, then she goes on an excellent space road trip with Seven. There’s a nice scene in here I like with Nechayev and Kathryn and I had a great time writing Seven trying to find her place in the Alpha Quadrant.

217 kudos, Mending (Voyager, Janeway/Chakotay) 15155 words

This is a classic Opal fic because it’s 100% “but what if this wild thing happened and she was pregnant”. Kathryn time travels instead of Chakotay in the episode “Shattered” and she’s very very pregnant, and her crew that she doesn’t know well get her home. Has some of my favorite B’Elanna & Kathryn scenes I’ve ever written.

189 kudos, For the Asking, TNG Beverly Crusher & Deanna Troi, background Beverly/Jean-Luc, Deanna/Will 2138 words

Deanna reads Beverly’s thoughts about sex in a staff meeting and they tease each other it and have a very good discussion. It’s sweet and friendly and I reread it when I want to feel that brilliantly good friend feeling.

154 kudos, Firefly (Discovery, Philippa Georgiou (Mirror) & Michael & Tilly & like..Disco crew. Philippa Georgiou & making friends

This fic is my beloved and I am giddy it’s on this top five. It’s so fun (for me). The Guardian of Forever gives Philippa the choice to stay in the 31st century with Michael and Discovery, in exchange for a very tiny minor cellular change, which is a baby. (she and Chris had some confusingly nice sex before she left).

It’s one of my least commented fic and the one where I feel like it’s just going out into the void (but it has a lot of kudos! good work little fic). I have so much fun with it though. Philippa and conversations where she is mildly human is a blast. The fight scenes turned out well (even though they’re really hard to write) and Philippa and Tilly is brilliant. I love it. I love them. This is so my favorite right now and I’m so happy it’s on the list.

This is the best part of the meme, right here.

(side note, 4 of my top 5 are babyfic, so at least I’m on brand).

do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I try to. I feel like I ought too. Sometimes I’m so busy behind exhausted embarrassed (how to I reply when people are nice to me! gah) that I don’t. Often it’s simply because I want to write more fic and my free time is so limited. I love them, I really really love them. It is so kind of people to comment. I short circuit often with replying to praise.

what’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Oh it’s definitely When I the Starry Courses Know, which is Janeway/Borg Queen and she makes a deal to go with Queen if the Queen will save the ship, and she goes. It’s full of depression and self-doubt. It’s one of the best dark things I’ve ever written.

do you write crossovers? if so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

Archaic Diseases, TNG/Battlestar Galactica. I have a very sweet crossover where Beverly Crusher saves Laura Roslin from cancer and Laura has a bit of a crush. It’s rather lovely.

have you ever received hate on a fic?

Sure, there’s a few people who just seem to get angry about things, or willfully miss the point. Sometimes I just get weird weird comments that leave me feeling angry or uncomfortable (I have a current string on a Beverly/Kathryn fic that I might just stop reading, because I don’t really need to know.

do you write smut? if so what kind?

Lazily, far less often than I used to. I like feelings more than detail and I’ve gotten much less interested in sex lately in fic. I’ve written f/f and m/f and some threesomes (one foursome). Keeping track of hands is hard. I write a lot of women receiving oral sex, I think that’s easiest for me to write.

have you ever had a fic translated?

I don’t think so.

have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! the one up above with Jacks, and a few others. It’s a very different and fulfilling experience. I like being surprised. It’s full of surprises.

what’s your all time favorite ship?

Discovery! Ummmm, wait no the romantic kind. Right this second? Beverly/Kathryn, because it’s so comfortable for me and brings to gether so many things I like about the characters.

(Philippa Georgiou/Kat Cornwell gets a nod though, because I’m thinking about them often lately)

what’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Captain Tilly’s Gambit - Tilly plays war games against Saru and has Philippa (imperial varietal) as her first officer. It’s one chapter, and I thought it was a one shot but I guess I have to write the fighting? space fighting is hard...It’s a very good fic though. I’d like to finish it. (Maybe after Fortnight of Kat/Pippa?)

what are your writing strengths?

world building, little details that make it feel Star Trek, dialogue, Sylvia Tilly, she is the best POV character for me and I just adore writing her.

what are your writing weaknesses?

Vagueness, I tend to write in a void without much description, I nearly always write 3rd person limited. I’m not very exact with typos and often things I’ve posted will still have errors.

what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

If I can find someone who speaks the language, great, otherwise I usually have the gist of it or “A spoke Vulcan, which sounded great but B had no idea what it meant.” I try to avoid it.

what was the first fandom you wrote for?

It was Star Trek the Next Generation!! It was a big time travelling confusing messy wonderful First Contact AU. It’s not as bad as it being 20+ years old makes it sound.

what’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Firefly! It’s gen babyfic and I feel like it’s in the intersection of so many things that aren’t what people want to read and it definitely feels like the thing I just write and post and out into the void. There are chapters of it that don’t have comments at all.

I am fortunate that I have people willing to read it while I’m working on it, which is lovely, and it’s so important to me. I adore it. I love the process, I love thinking about it. It’s just important to me. The character arcs and moments and conversations I get to write for that mean so much to me.

I feel like the number of people I talk about it with fits on a hand, but you’re all lovely and I adore you too.

Uncharted (VOY/TNG) Kathryn Janeway/Beverly Crusher, Words: 56,764, kudos 137.

It’s the one thing I’ve written that’s most like a novel, has the tightest plot, the most research and characters and is most like a Trek episode, I think because there’s so much going on and often I write things that have very little going on. This is very different, and sometimes rereading it makes me cry. It has all the best heroic parts of Star Trek.

The questions!!

Fic Writer Review

how many works do you have on AO3?

what’s your total AO3 word count?

how many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

do you respond to comments, why or why not?

what’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

do you write crossovers? if so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

have you ever received hate on a fic?

do you write smut? if so what kind?

have you ever had a fic stolen?

have you ever had a fic translated?

have you ever co-written a fic before?

what’s your all time favorite ship?

what’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

what are your writing strengths?

what are your writing weaknesses?

what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

what was the first fandom you wrote for?

what’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

#writer meme #all about my trek fics #it was fun to narrow it down to one fandom universe #firefly my beloved

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night-filled-mountain · 4 years

Text

Out of nowhere and apropos of nothing, a rambling incoherent list of things about Nott and Nott-and-Caleb that give me Feelings.

On Veth Brenatto/Nott the Brave:

Nott’s entire life is all about seeing/presenting herself as less than she is.

She was bullied as a child, by her brothers and the neighborhood boys.

Then she was a contented housewife and mother, but always saw herself as second to Yeza--a support figure, depending on him, learning from him, not even necessarily deserving of his love.

“Not pretty and not brave and not coordinated and not smart and just...not.”

“He didn’t mind my strangeness...He was a brilliant chemist. I helped him and he took care of me.”

(When she reunites with Yeza, she undermines her ‘dabblings’ in alchemy in comparison to his apparent brilliance.) (Yeza himself disagrees.)

When she does acknowledge her strengths, she also acknowledges their origins, and they are either very sad (“I’ve been chased a lot in my life by boys making fun of me. I’m pretty fast.”) or serve to highlight someone else’s assistance and forethought (“a vial of acid that Yeza handed me”).

The transformation she was forced to undergo was a curse straight out of a fairy tale. It made her what she thought she was, and forced her to appreciate what she had been, but it was too late. (“But you’re so pretty!” / “I was.”)

But her whole life is about other people turning her into things, isn’t it? The bullies made her a victim, Yeza made her a wife/mother/alchemist’s assistant, and the goblins and their mystery woman made her a monster.

She was someone beautiful who could not see her beauty, someone wildly unique and “strange” who could not embrace her strangeness and flaunt it without apology...

...Until she was turned into a goblin.

Being a goblin has been so weirdly freeing for Nott. She felt that she had hit rock bottom, and in many ways, she just...let go. No more struggling to fit into social norms. No more squeezing into boxes of other people’s making. The Nott we know has always fought and shrieked, drunk to excess, stolen anything she admired, openly shared all her most outrageous suggestions, shown off her weird collections without shame.

I’m not saying all of this is healthy! Some of it is clearly coping mechanisms, and dangerous ones at that. And Sam has stated that he sees some of her excesses as being related to her goblin physiology, which emphasizes once again that this role, like all of Nott/Veth’s previous roles, is one that was forced on her. But. But.

So much of it (I would even say that “all of it” is a valid interpretation) is really just...Veth. Just Veth dialed up to eleven, without the constraints. Is she embodying a stereotypical view of goblins, or is she just letting herself be angry, messy, hedonistic, and weird for the first time in a short, sad life in which other people made her smaller than she was until she learned to do the same thing to herself?

Nott wants her true body back. She wants to be a halfling again. But she is not at all sure she wants to “go back.” To Felderwin. To her old life with the husband and son she loves. Of course she isn’t sure.

Because she’s grown so much bigger than that. Bigger and stronger and louder and messier than anything she used to be. Bigger than all the boxes she used to occupy. Bigger than anything Yeza or Luc can quite understand, because they weren’t there by her side, watching it happen.

On Nott and Caleb:

Nott defines herself by the people around her. She always has.

She met Caleb in that jail cell, saw him as small and weak and needy, and jumped at the chance to occupy a familiar role again: mother.

...Except that it was never that simple. That’s the piece that, for me, was missing from their relationship for so long. The piece that fell into place when Nott’s (former?) crush on Caleb was revealed, and made it all fit together. It was never that simple.

She wanted something from him. Veth never seems to have dared to want things from the people around her--she lived to serve her loved ones, to help and protect them. But Caleb? She wanted his magic. She wanted him to help her. And she didn’t tell him, not for the longest time. Call it ruthless, call it manipulative, or just call it a very understandable cocktail of hope and panic and shame--but it was her goal, her desire, and it meant that no matter how much she cared for Caleb and protected him, their relationship was never All About Him. She was playing her own angle the whole time. And also...

She was attracted to him. This was a fact that she absolutely could not acknowledge, because it was transgressive in so many ways. Extramarital attraction. A hideous, monstrous goblin attracted to a “handsome” human. A lifelong sidekick/helpmate/bit player in her own life daring to want a “great wizard” not only for his magic (that, at least, was permissible, because it could return her to her proper place, to her home and family; it could restore the status quo), but for his body, mind, and soul. She looked at him in that cell, in the moonlight streaming through the bars, and she wanted. And gods know it wasn’t because he ever invited her to.

(Though he didn’t scorn the idea either. I keep thinking about the scene with Keg in Shadycreek Run where she mistook them for a romantic couple and Caleb defiantly rolled with it. I even think about that early episode where Liam inadvertently used a German term of endearment for her that had romantic connotations. And the way they always slept cuddled together, and she rode on his shoulders, and they have always, always celebrated every aspect of each other--body, mind, and soul.)

But the point is that Nott’s relationship with Caleb is not one that he defined. She was always the stronger of the two; she called the shots. It was she who chose to be his “mother,” and the twin secret desires that burned deep down in her heart were entirely her own.)

On Nott and character development (ok, I just wanted to break up the bullet points a little, because goodness, this has gotten long):

...And she fundamentally did not know how to handle that. So she kept those desires buried, kept them secret. She tried to move back into her comfort zone, letting others define her and her relationships, going along with their assumptions without protest.

It is fascinating to me that the other players and characters and the viewers spent much of the campaign assuming Nott was a child. And she just...let it happen.

“I’m of child-bearing age,” she said when Jester asked, but even then, some of us (myself included, I confess!) just mentally aged her up to a rebellious teen.

To a man who she regarded simultaneously as a son, a love interest, and a tool for her own redemption, she was seen as a daughter or a little sister...and she went along with it in so many ways. It’s the lie she embodied from the first moment Sam introduced her, and referred to her as “a little goblin girl.”

Nott has always made herself lesser than she is...or let other people do so. She is so used to being diminished and self-diminishing, so leery of her own messy desires, that she would not even insist on her own adulthood until...until.

Nott’s heroic moments--the moments when she fully unleashes her own courage and strength and anger--are always the moments when her loved ones are in danger. She is the classic self-sacrificing wife/mother figure, whose self-dimmed light only shines out when others need it to.

Like when she fought the goblins and helped Yeza and Luc escape.

Like when Fjord threatened Caleb, and the others were all turning on him, and she needed to assert her own right and ability to protect him. (“But I am the parent, you do realize that, don’t you?”)

Like when she led the lizardfolk away from the others on Urukaxl. Like all the times she dove into the water for Fjord. Like when she didn’t disengage from the dragon.

“Nott the Brave” has so many layers--an ironic, self-mocking epithet, a badge of honor, and a promise to be brave for others. Only for others.

Because then it’s not really her bravery, is it? It’s borrowed from her loved ones. She is a coward who is occasionally made into something else by the brighter, stronger, worthier people she surrounds herself with.

“Self-diminishing” and “being defined by others” are the absolute fundamental cornerstones of Nott’s character. And this is both reinforced and very much complicated by her recent status as a goblin and her relationship with Caleb. (...You know how sometimes you don’t figure out your thesis statement until halfway through the essay?)

On Nott and Caleb, part 2:

The M9′s trip to Felderwin changed everything--everything--for her and for him and for the two of them. It was one of the most staggering turning points of the entire campaign.

I’ve written about this before. How one of the central “Will they or won’t they?”s of the campaign was about Caleb and Nott deciding to trust the group, and that was the point where it was resolved...

...and how, in trusting the group, they sacrificed their codependence to a large degree. How Nott’s infamous “Fuck him!” was less about anger, in the long run, than about taking her best friend off the pedestal she’d put him on, about acknowledging his fallibility, and being comfortable openly disagreeing with him.

It was about Nott becoming her own person, and Caleb learning to see her as her own person, and not just his “little friend” or protector.

But. But. It still followed the pattern.

It was about Yeza and Luc. It was about her family. It was the greatest disaster that had befallen her loved ones since the goblin abduction, and her reaction was correspondingly big.

Of course she could be brave. Of course she could be angry and assertive. Of course she could, for once, discount the feelings of her beloved wizard. Because her husband and son were in danger.

When will Nott get to be brave on her own behalf? To be angry on her own behalf? To want, want, want something, something ever so much bigger than a button, openly, unashamedly, on her own behalf?

And I think I might know the answer to that question: When she openly acknowledges something that she has already hinted at, danced around, in conversations with Caleb here and there.

“I ditched my husband in a den of monsters to go adventuring with you.”

She said this to Caleb while they were riding a moorbounder together in Xhorhas, and something about it has resonated hard with me ever since.

That conversation--and the other couple of conversations Nott has had with Caleb that deal with her own conflicting desires--felt strangely like a failure. Like Caleb was sincerely doing his best to help her, but wasn’t quite getting what she was putting down.

He doesn’t know how to stop her drinking, her constant anxiety. How to soothe her fears about the future. He doesn’t know what she needs.

Is it reassurance of her family’s love? That’s been offered to her repeatedly, by Yeza, by Luc, by Caleb himself, but it’s never had much of an effect on her darker moods.

Is it her own body back? That would help a lot, for sure. Like every other member of the Mighty Nein, she’s on a journey to find herself. She thought, initially, that it was purely a journey to find something she’d lost. Caleb and the rest of the M9 think so too, I think. But there’s more to it than that.

What Nott Really Needs:

“I think you have to find those answers,” Caleb said to Nott as she expressed her ambivalence about returning home and resuming her housewife role. “Can’t you just tell me?” she pleaded.

That’s it right there, that’s the crux of her journey. And it isn’t just a journey back to a body or a family or a life she lost--it’s a journey to something entirely new. Nott craves the familiar, the safe, the known; she keeps trying to make herself small and unimportant again, to convince others to define her. But they can’t. She is too much, too big, too weird and messy and wonderful, for anyone else to squeeze her into a box anymore (she always was; she just didn’t realize it). And Caleb is the one to tell her that.

“I ditched my husband in a den of monsters to go adventuring with you.”

“I love you,” she told him on the beach of Nicodranas, and sure, she meant it platonically (probably) (mostly), but it was more than friendship, more even than romance. She loves what he represents. And--the one thing she can never, ever, ever acknowledge, because it is completely antithetical to her journey as she currently sees it--a part of her loves who she has become while traveling and fighting by his side.

“These days I’ve spent with you are the most exciting of my entire life.” That’s something Fjord said to Caleb once. And I’ve posted before about how eerily similar Fjord and Nott’s journeys are.

They both had rocky childhoods marred by bullying and badly bruised self-confidence, then embarked on simple, well-defined lives/careers in which they felt utterly content...and then they both literally drowned, both lost their friends/family/life roles in the process, and both got transformed into something “dark” and “ugly” that they couldn’t come back from.

And the clincher? The thing Fjord was able to admit to himself and others, but that Nott carried around like a deep, dark secret and is still struggling hard with to this day?

They both fell in love with their new lives and roles in spite of themselves.

Yes, Fjord renounced Uk’otoa in favor of the Wildmother...but he still retains his warlock powers. Yes, Nott wants to, can, and probably will be turned back into a halfling--but she will never again be a person who was not a goblin.

She does not want to be a person who was not a goblin.

She wants Caleb, and all he represents. She wants adventure and excitement. She wants to be strong and brave and important, not only to protect her loved ones, but because those things bring her fulfillment. Because they have shaped her self-image in new ways that she cannot discard.

The duality of her names reflects this perfectly. She always uses “Veth” around Yeza and Luc, and wants them to use it for her, but with the M9, she’s still “Nott the Brave”-- or is it “Nott, the Brave”?

Caleb uses both names for her.

Caleb. Uses. Both. Names. For her.

Nott needs to be herself. It’s what all the members of the Mighty Nein need, really--this is a campaign about identity, as Matt has said--but I think it’s coming harder to Nott than any of the others, and that’s why I’ve had such a hell of a time pinning her down as a character...because she has had a hell of a time doing that, too!

Because she can’t acknowledge what may be the greatest possible shame for a stereotypical girl, wife, mother, or monster...

Wanting to be herself. Wanting things simply because she wants them. Wanting to be someone you can’t pin down, either literally (in a cozy little cottage in Felderwin) or figuratively (in any of the aforementioned roles).

Nott wants to define herself. But she doesn’t quite know she wants it. And she doesn’t know how to do it. But part of her definitely sees that getting her body back, while essential, is not enough.

And so she panics and drinks and goes into existential tailspins because no one else will give her the answers. Caleb has come closest, in telling her to seek them for herself...but Caleb has his own baggage, and can’t quite let go of his great ideal of Family, of Going Home Again. Of turning back the clock and erasing the dark corners of one’s past.

So he sees Nott’s happy ending as husband and son, hearth and home. And it isn’t enough. It’s as tidy and false and messy and comfortless as his time-travel fantasies. And that’s where their stories ultimately intertwine...their desires at cross-purposes, their solutions at odds. Nott longing for something that Caleb is giving her (adventure, excitement, a purpose, the privilege to bear both her names and faces and diminish neither, to be fully herself for the first time in her life). Caleb wants something that was taken from both of them. Neither of them yet fully understands that you can’t go back, that the only direction is forward. Into greater messiness, greater complexity, greater understanding of themselves and the things they can accomplish, alone and together.

But they’re getting there. They’re both getting there. And I absolutely cannot wait to see where their stories lead.

#critical role #nott the brave #veth brenatto #caleb widogast #fjord #widobrave #in another world maybe #nott #veth #caleb #long post #incredibly unbelievably long post #what have i done

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autistic-beshelar · 3 years

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'm loving everyone venting about Molly! Thanks! And I want to ask you how you imagined the finale was gonna be? I have this whole fanfic in my head about Molly realising he had a four leaf clover stuck in his hair and upon noticing it he would give it to Yasha. Then the M9 would deal with Trent and Molly would finally know how terrible of a person the dude was. And then the M9 would introduce Molly to everyone else they met and visit every place they left better than they found it.

that's so sweet!

it's weird, because while like every other molly fan, i've had thoughts on his resurrection and a fic series i'm working on, but i'd never really... thought about the end of the campaign, or what it might be like?

(ETA this ended up so long im so sorry i have a lot to say apparently and this isn't even all of it)

my biggest and most important thing: they are a family. they belong together. maybe they'll go off on their own for a while, or stay with their families, but the nein belong together.

for fjord... he spent so long trying to be someone else, and while he's learning how to be his own person now, he deserves closure on that part of himself. he deserves a last conversation with vandren, and then to move on, to explore new places, to find new goals for himself. there is so much for him now, the open sea with so much life and promise. he buys a ship, a new ship, all his own, not one borrowed or stolen from another, and jester paints its name, decorates its quarters, makes it a home. he wrangles the nein (yes, even veth, yes, even essek) into joining him, and they set sail, all nine of them, the way it couldn't be the first time. he shows molly the ropes, teaches essek how to navigate, and watches his crew, his friends, his family, learning from him, placing so much trust in him, letting him guide them, and sees how truly happy they are to be here with him. usually, the crew is him, jester, beau, and often molly and yasha, but sometimes he will leave for a time, entrusting the boat to orly. sailing isn't all he has now, there is more to see, to do, there are things for him on land now too, but the sea will always be home to him.

for jester... she deserves her happy fairytale ending. i think for a while she stays with her family, seeing her parents happily together, finally properly introducing her boyfriend, and just spending time with her mum in a way that she didn't get to so much when she was young. and then i think she travels, just for the sake of exploring, with no defined goal other than to sow the seeds of joy and chaos everywhere she walks. and as she travels, she begins to write. stories were homes to her as a child, and they're homes even now, for someone with such a powerful imagination. she writes of her adventures, of her friends, she writes of mystical and fantastical things, half of them real. she writes and writes, words and illustrations filling so many books, she gives them to beau, to yasha, passes them off as silly little things, as though they aren't brilliant works of art. all of the nein read her stories - yasha out loud to molly as she plays with his hair, caduceus and calliope in the quiet of their garden, caleb and essek by the light of their bedside table. and in time the stories reach others, scattered journals are copied and bound into books, and one day jester wanders a quiet, nameless town, and in the window of a bookshop she's never seen, embossed on the cover of a novel, there is a brilliant green door.

for caleb... oh man, he is a teacher. that is so perfect for him, and i've been thinking about it ever since his talk with luc. i think there's something so powerful about being the person he deserved when he was younger, about stepping into that position of power and authority and being so kind with it. he's so passionate about magic, and i think it's beautiful to see him come so far - from someone burned and traumatised and so convinced he was irredeemable, to someone who can take comfort in soft things, someone who some days, almost, almost believes he can be good. i think out of everyone, except perhaps veth, he stays home the most. he still adventures with the nein of course, and if there is ever a whisper of artefacts or hidden knowledge or some expedition or other, the nein are with him in an instant to investigate it. but more often than not he is home, making the empire a better place, keeping the fire warm for them.

for veth... i want her to learn that she is enough as she is. i want her to learn that she doesn't have to choose between wife, adventurer, mother. she is all of these things. i want her to accept that her transformation was not a return to her old self but becoming someone new. i think she goes home, as she promised, and i do think she stays there for a long while, a few years perhaps, making up for lost time. and she'll pretend that she's fine with that life, with staying home, with being a wife and a mother. but that isn't all she is, and eventually, with yeza's help, with the nein's help, she will accept that. she'll no longer see it as two lives, two identities. she'll be able to kill fearsome beasts and explore strange new lands with her friends without guilt or fear, and at the end of the day she'll go home and regale her husband and son with extraordinary tales of her and her friends' heroics (that may or may not be exaggerated).

for yasha... i want her to be happy and loved. she's come SO far, from someone running from her past, drowning in guilt and so unsure of herself, to someone strong and bold. i love that ashley said she would do little odd jobs - i think she would do that, go around helping people as they explore. like most of the others, i don't think she would truly settle down. i like to imagine she does have a house somewhere - maybe inspired by the clays, she has a home somewhere green, surrounded by flowers, somewhere quiet and calm and peaceful. a little cottage maybe, for her and beau, just somewhere to return to and feel safe, somewhere she can rest. but i think most of her time would be spent travelling, seeing all the wonderful beautiful things the world has to offer, being with her friends who love her for exactly who she is, who showed her that she was someone worthy of being loved, who taught her that it's possible for her to love herself.

for caduceus... i think, for a time, he rests. he's tired. not done, far from done, but tired. i think he stays with his family at the grove, tending to all the things that are now so vibrant and alive, feeling the walls he was so sure would crumble. but after a time, he would feel that he is supposed to leave. the grove is wonderful, and will always be his home, somewhere he will always return to, and i think throughout his life - throughout the nein's life, and of course they will come to rest there, after everything - he will come home, to tend to the garden, to watch over the temple while his siblings roam. i think he travels, too, but not so much to adventure. after everything he's been through i think he deserves some peace, and quiet. he travels all the lonely winding roads, all the quiet humming spaces, sees all the life in all the hidden corners. while several members of the nein travel with him, it's yasha that walks with him the most, happy to go at his pace, eager to share in that peace and wonder.

for molly... there is so much for him now. he is no longer covered in eyes, no longer has that weight on him, even if he does hold memories of it, in darker moments. he is him but brand new, able to forge himself into whoever he wants to be, and the nein give him so much space and so much time for that. i think he stays with the clays for a little while - while the others deal with trent, yasha, so so scared to lose him again, places all her trust in caduceus to take care of him. and when they return (to find him with freshly cut hair the same colours as his coat, and a particularly proud looking clarabelle), they just spend time with him, all the time they missed and more. fjord tells him of their journey, jester showing him her journal, giving him meaning for it all, and all the time yasha holds his hand, unwilling to ever let him go. it's hard, being gone for so long, and while he is so, so (embarrassingly) proud of his friends for all that they've gone through, and how much they've grown, it's also glaringly obvious that he can't keep up. he almost has it in mind to leave - he doesn't want to hold them back, and he can't help but wonder if he's really the molly they want - it's hard to live up to a memory, after all. and there is so much he's missed. they tell him he's a moron, obviously. he is their friend, and there is nothing they won't do for friends, and waiting, staying, is such a small thing to ask. beau trains him, at his insistence - she thinks it's a joke at first, tells him that she'd be a terrible teacher, just as she was a terrible student. she's wrong, of course, and molly grows stronger by the day. he has so many adventures with them, sailing the seas on fjord's ship, sowing chaos with jester, fighting side by side with beau. there is not a single day that he isn't with his friends, yasha most of all. they are with him through everything, though good days, so many good days, and through bad ones too. molly has so much time - time the nein have given him, as he once gave to them - to live, to love, to wander, to form new memories and experiences. to be everything he never had the chance to the first time, and so much more.

for beau... she is so, so scared at first. they saved the world. they stopped trent. they've done... everything they've set out to do. what's left? what's keeping them together? when molly tries to run it reminds her so much of how she felt before, how she thought to run, to leave them before they could leave her. he returns the favour, reminds her that they are family, reminds her that she has worth, and the nein want her to stay, that they keep her, just as they kept him. (she almost believes him, and definitely doesn't cry). she does so many things - she goes home with yasha once in a while, somewhere tranquil, somewhere to study and research, she travels with caduceus, learning to appreciate a slower pace and all the quiet contemplation and companionship it can offer, she travels with fjord, his first mate, his best mate, allowing someone she trusts to take the helm and lead her on adventures. and she studies - long gone are the days of pretending to turn her nose up at books - she is one of professor widogast's best (and most irritating) students, learning magic not to weave it herself but just to understand it, just learning for the sake of learning. when she confronts her father, fjord and caleb are there as they should be - fjord to talk, to use his words and his charm to help, caleb in quiet solidarity, a hand on her shoulder, just standing with her as she tears down her mentor, her abuser, and comes out stronger for it, just as she had been there for him. finally, she can put that behind her, and she stays with the soul, as their greatest expositor (though maybe one who never does their paperwork), rooting out corruption, seeking the truth, exploring new horizons.

for essek... he spends a long time waiting for the past to catch up to him. it doesn't. it already has, in a way, if only in his own mind, the once unfamiliar guilt that weighs heavily on his shoulders. it never goes away, not entirely, but time heals, and so does the presence of the rest of the nein, always in his life, for as long as they can be. though he and caleb have different goals, they overlap so neatly, and though essek has a place in his own homeland, he spends far, far more time living with caleb. he continues with his research, caleb and beau poring over his notes, sharing his excitement and passion. he doesn't go on adventures near as much as the others, preferring to stay home, but he visits them, in all their different homes scattered across the land - jester in nicodranas, the clays at the blooming grove, veth and her family on the outskirts of zadash, beau and yasha's cottage in a little forest near felderwin. he has homes scattered across the land, so many places he is always welcome, and while guilt never entirely leaves, nor does the knowledge that one day, of course, all this will end, he finds peace.

i guess the reason i've never thought about the campaign ending is because for me.. it doesn't, not really. the mighty nein are family, chosen family. they stay together, they find homes in each other, and they leave every place better than they found it.

#yes i did this by seat position bc otherwise every single time i forget someone #though in my mind it used to be fjord beau caleb nott jester molly/cad yasha #then they MOVED #i had tokyo sunrise in my head while writing this i think that is why there is so Much #idk where jester being a writer came from i was just trying to think about what she would do for herself and it just #snapped into place i guess #anyway writing this devastated me. thank you anon #critical role #mighty nein

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365days365movies · 3 years

Text

January 19, 2021: Léon: The Professional (Epilogue)

Hey, look! An elephant in the room! We should address that, huh?

So, recently, actress and Léon star herself Natalie Portman was interviewed about acting in this movie, and she said that the movie itself was fine to act in. It was the response to that work from...y’know what, perverts - let’s not dance around that - that she wasn’t the biggest fan of. It changed the roles she was willing to accept, and her acting style in general. Which makes absolute sense for her to do.

But now, you may understand why this film is...awkward. Because let me clarify something: this is a good movie! But, especially with relatively recent revelations from Hollywood in the last few years, you know that some people enjoyed this movie in a WHOLLY UNACCEPTABLE fashion. Which is...well, again:

Because of that, this film was gotten a lot of negative attention, then and now. And, let’s also be fair here: I’m not a fan of the fact that Luc Besson put Natalie Portman in this...uncomfortable position in the first place. It’s a little squicky to be putting a 12 year-old in that context, is what I’m saying. Roger Ebert agrees, in the closing statement of his review on the movie:

But always at the back of my mind was the troubled thought that there was something wrong about placing a 12-year-old character in the middle of this action. In a more serious movie, or even in a human comedy like Cassavetes' "Gloria," the child might not have been out of place. But in what is essentially an exercise - a slick urban thriller - it seems to exploit the youth of the girl without really dealing with it.

.Yeah, I agree with that. But OK, if we take that uncomfortable aspect away from the movie (and it is possible to do so), then what did I think? Well, let’s get into that, shall we?

Recap

Cast and Acting

Strap in, this one’s gonna be long. Three parts, and a coda at the end.

OK, first I gotta talk about Léon, or rather Jean Reno as Léon. Here's the thing about these heroic bloodshed protagonists; they’re always these cold, reserved badasses with armored hearts that have been closed off by a personal tragedy, from when they were more innocent. But with Léon, we never see that tragedy; we have no idea what makes this man who or what he is. And yet, he still has dimension as a character, hidden depths within an unknown past, and also a surprising innocence injected into him. He genuinely enjoys going to see old movies, he’s teaching himself how to read, we only really see him drink milk, he cares deeply for his plant. And, before Mathilda, he’s lonely, and you actually feel for him? THis is, by the way, despite the fact that the first sequence of the film is him MURDERING A BUNCH OF PEOPLE. And despite that, I really did feel for him in the end there. And while the directing and writing take a part of this, GODDAMN does Reno do an amazing job! He perfectly portrays the nuances of this character, but puts on an incredibly badass demeanor when he needs to. Reno deserves more credit as an actor in the USA, because he’s astonishingly great in his movie, seriously.

And then...then there’s Natalie Portman. See, back in the wild, wild west of the ‘90s, child actors were ALL OVER THE GODDAMN PLACE. And the vast majority of them weren’t very good, let’s be honest. But in her turn as Mathilda, awkward preteen crush and all, Portman KNOCKS it out of the goddamn park with this portrayal. And by the way...THIS IS HER FIRST ACTING ROLE. Yeah. Holy shit. She’s brilliant, and I’m a little mad that she didn’t get an award nod AT ALL for this role. She’s fantastic, seriously, it’s insane. And yeah, her character and the dynamic with Léon definitely makes me uncomfortable...but maybe it’s because Mathilda is surprisingly believable, acting with a surprise innocence of her own. Seriously...amazing job to Nathalie Portman.

If Reno was understatedly nuanced and complex, and Portman was talented and emotional, Gary Oldman was BATSHIT INSANE. And holy shit, is he a wonderfully engaging and terrifying villain. This is Oldman dialed up to...eh, 8? You get him dialed up to 10, and I’m pretty sure you get Dracula. But he’s a HELL of a lot of fun here, honestly, if also extremely creepy and frightening. He steals every scene that he’s in, with his speeches, mannerisms, and affectations. He upstages, well...EEEEVERRRYYYYYOOOOOOONNNNNE!!!

And is everybody else in here good? Yeah, they are, but they’re completely drowned out by these three. The acting in this film is wonderful all around. 10/10. I mean that, 10/10.

Plot and Writing

If I had a single word about the writing, it’d be...French. There are some lines, ESPECIALLY Mathilda’s lines about love, that definitely sound more French than American. After all, this is a French film, and the writer is Luc Besson himself! And other than that...the writing’s fine. Plot’s fine, too, straightforward and all that. I really don’t have much to say about the plot, if I’m honest. And if I had one negative thing to say...yeah, the childhood crush thing is still super uncomfortable, honestly. Still, put in context, it’s a little bit better. And I should mention that, while it’s SUPER CONTROVERSIAL here in the good old US of A, this wasn’t nearly as big of a deal in France. And I should also mention...it’s mildly autobiographical. Yeaaaaaaaah, that blonde girl in the very beginning of the movie is actually Besson’s WIFE. You know...the 17-year-old, who’d known Besson since she was 12 and he was 29, and they started dating when she was 15, and the had a child a year later, before this movie was made. Y-yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

7/10 here, nothing bad, nothing great. Basically average heroic bloodshed plotline, with some...other elements.

Directing and Action

Fun fact: Luc Besson’s reception in his home country is mixed, especially early in his career. This is because his directing style is focused far more on spectacle and bombast than it is on emotion. Definitely more American in style than French. And this movie definitely has some of that, although it’s definitely not as crazy as some of the other movies on this list. But some of the shots here are weird, some of them here are crazy cool, and most of them are just great. But this movie still focuses more on emotion and character buildup and revelations, than it does on action. Which is great, but this is Action January, so how was the action? This takes off of the gun-fu genre, with essentially all of it focused around gunplay. And the interesting thing is, while these aren’t the most bombastic action scenes, its the emotion around them that keep you on the edge of your seat and invested. So, weirdly, this might be the movie that’s integrated the action scenes with the movie’s overall emotional tone the most seamlessly. Well...of the English language movies, anyway. Overall, 8/10 here!

Production and Art Design

START SPREADING THE NEEEEEEEEEEWS, because it’s New York, New York! Most of this film was filmed on location, and it shows! As someone who grew up going to NYC on a regular basis, it definitely feels authentic to ‘90s New York. Which, of course, it is. Costume design, for Mathilda especially, is good, although one or two of her outfits feels a little over-complicated at times. Still, no complaints, really. I love Léon’s tiny glasses, and Stansfield’s suit (plain as it may be). Really, this movie is simply an authentic feeling New York, and there isn’t too much else to say about that. 8/10 again.

youtube

Music and Editing

Music’s definitely good, including this song by Sting that we hear at the end. Editing is mostly OK, although there are some weird cuts here and there. And...I’m not sure I have much to say about this category. Oof. Sorry, honestly, this is probably a sign of good editing, since it wasn’t obvious. And as for the music, I remember it...but it was mostly overshadowed by the events of the film itself. So...7/10?

80%! And I’m satisfied with that, honestly!

This movie is built to make you a little uncomfortable while watching it. But, I still believe that it’s a movie to be watched. Good action, prominent emotional development, great acting. This one’s good, and give it a watch!

Luc Besson, Luc Besson. You gave me a French English-language heroic bloodshed action movie about an older man saving a girl a generation or so younger than him, that also produced a well-known meme on the internet. More, please!

January 20, 2021: Taken (2008)

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dearsheroozle · 3 years

Note

1, 7, 9, and 69 for the d&d character ask! Dealer's choice on which character

hey anon,

thanks again for asking this

i think... i will do Both characters that i’ve actively played a bunch. bc... i want to.

under a read more bc this will probably get Rather Long (update: it did.)

1. why did they choose their class(es)? their subclass(es)?

- for Llyr, my half-elf paladin, she was kind of, ah, chosen? i guess? the way she thinks it happened was that she did something heroic and her goddess came to her in a dream, and the next day she woke up with a holy symbol tattoooed on her body. she was a kid, then, but eventually did take an oath. she’s oath of the ancients, because the tenets of sheltering and kindling light means a lot to her. fuck off, darkness, basically. she’s multiclassed into warlock, mainly because she caught the attention of an archfey. her ex was wreaking some havoc with some water stuff, and the archfey had a vested interest in not letting that happen, so Llyr was again....,,., chosen. in a sense. kind of.

- for Art (full name #ART920304690201), he was created to be an artificer. a warforged, created to fix other warforged soldiers. he became a battlesmith because he wanted to make a friend. and also be better with weapons, because he loves weapons. his steel defender is a baby elephant named Patches. he multiclassed into a twilight cleric, because he and his party were all cursed by Shar. in his research, he discovered she had a twin sister named Selune, so he prayed to her for help, and dipped into cleric. it was something i had kinda meant to happen, since his arc was how he came to terms with his own soul. can’t be a cleric without a soul, right?

7. which party member do they understand the least?

- oh, man. for Llyr, i’m tempted to say Erimenthea, Minty for short, our halfling wild magic sorcerer. but they actually have a lot in common because of they both have connections to the FeyWild, and Llyr kind of thinks she understands Minty quite well, lmao. it’s honestly probably Ja’el, our half-elf shadow monk/death cleric. they’re really good friends, but they do tend to clash sometimes because of how different their lives and experiences in the world have been. they’re both half-elves, but the way they tend to look at things is... extremely different. like, they’re bros, though.

- for Art, he probably truly understands Wu Guei, tortle wild magic barbarian, the least. not because they don’t get along, but Wu is less forthcoming about things, and Art is not very good at social interactions. in fact, Wu intimidates him immensely. so yeah, probably Wu Guei.

9. do they care about their appearance? how much effort do they put into presentation?

- i wouldn’t say Llyr cares about her appearance. she just... happens to be extremely hot. sorry, i don’t make the rules. bitch has 20 strength and 18 charisma, so yeah, unapologetic jacked queen. the 18 charisma is just how hot she is. she actually can be kind of awkward when she speaks, but she’s so hot it doesn’t matter.

- Arty boy is a rusty-lookin’ fella. he doesn’t care about his appearance very much, and it shows because he didn’t really do much upkeep. several decades of wandering a desert will mess a guy up, physically.

69. how would they describe their party members?

- ooooh, boy. i mean, i already talked about Minty and Ja’el. Llyr would call Minty chaotic, but fun. super smart, super crazy magic user. she loves animals, and is always the friendliest, even to her detriment. Ja’el would be, well, her homie. he’s paranoid, but means well. despite his best efforts, he cares so much. kickass fighter; really fast, really sneaky. Eldon, halfling lore bard, she would call hilarious. she finds him really funny, but she would also call him talented and creative, even though he’s young and it shows. Maz, shifter beastmaster ranger/grave cleric, she’s probably closest with currently. mom friend, definitely, but also like a little sister. really wise and dependable, but frustrating, because of how similar she is to Llyr in a lot of ways. like holding up a mirror you don’t think you wanna look at lmao

- and lol i already talked about Wu Guei. like i said, Art finds them intimidating, but admires their strength and convictions. Art feels safer with them around. Luc, high elf bladesinger wizard, Art can relate to because they have a lot of the same interests. he would say Luc’s really resilient, with all he’s lived through and seen. smart, too. Py, drow/wood elf swashbuckler rogue, also really funny. the sneakiest, best darts player ever. also would not want to face him in hide and seek. Py’s got a big heart, and the longest arms. Aurora, drow light cleric, has probably the strongest personality. she’s extremely friendly, and is always there to listen, even when she has no idea what you’re talking about.

#uhhhhhhhhhh this is what happens when y'all let me talk about dnd #i get #verbose #Sheree feels feelings #SK5 #Doomed Patrol #i don't think i regularly tag the party names but like #it's fine #dnd #for my personal records #oh Llyr #does this unit have a soul?#thanks again anon i'm sorry you truly do not have to read all this #i hope the formatting isn't a Nightmare #Anonymous

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gunnerpalace · 4 years

Note

Can I ask your opinion on Fade to Black? I just rewatched it and my Ichiruki heart is just overflowing with feels! But anyways I love your analysis and opinions on all things Bleach.

I am that rare IR who does not actually like Fade to Black very much. I can see what it was trying to do, and I appreciate the idea in concept (and some little moments here and there) but I am not at all a fan of how it was actually put together and executed. I guess I’ll do this as a pros and cons list:

PROS:

I don’t like Mayuri but I sort of like how he was handled in this movie. Him keeping a physical backup of his brain is a cool sci-fi idea for dealing with advancing the plot later.

Dark Rukia’s design is fairly cool. Especially in the little promo book that came with the movie, which you sometimes see screenshots of floating around.

The degree of attachment Ichigo shows toward Rukia is endearing.

The scene where Kisuke asks what Rukia is to Ichigo is cute and pretty spot-on.

Kisuke showing up in his old captain’s uniform for seemingly no reason other than to tweak Yamamoto’s nose is pretty funny. Him and Yoruichi basically alluding to the Soul Society arc is also kind of cute.

Ichigo using some special technique that’s unique to him in order to find Rukia (because it ain’t reiraku) is great.

The fight scene between Ichigo and Dark Rukia, and how Ichigo solves it and saves her, is well done and engaging.

Their little hug scene that’s gif’d on here a lot is sweet.

The ending where they have this discussion about how maybe this isn’t the first time they’ve met feels a little underplayed (they’re real far apart and stoic for people discussing such mushy things) but it’s still nice.

CONS:

I’m really tired of arcs about rescuing Rukia and reducing her to a damsel in distress, because she’s better than that. The Soul Society arc was the first time, and it was set up well and worked just fine—it’s classic. Fade to Black’s reasons are contrived (more on that later) and derivative. Then Hell Verse did it again and it was just stupid by that point. There should’ve been a rescue Ichigo movie instead, and the Xcution arc doesn’t really count since that’s presented as a horror story mostly from his perspective.

Rukia’s has had a hard life as a character and has been dumped on consistently, so I view adding yet more misery and pain onto her as gratuitous and frankly kind of insulting in general.

While Dark Rukia’s design is cool, it’s not really Rukia at all. It is very clear she’s an unwilling participant. It kinda looks like her, but it’s all Homura and Shizuku, they’re just forcing her along into it. And you know what? That’s basically rape, even if it’s not sexual rape. It’s still a total loss of consent and bodily autonomy. I’m pretty not cool with a plot that boils down to Rukia being raped.

I just hate the visual design of the kids. I can’t explain why beyond saying they just look out of place in the setting. Homura in particular looks like she walked off the set of Yu-Gi-Oh.

The backstory with the two kids frankly doesn’t make much sense. She meets Renji when she’s seemingly somewhere around the age of Karin or Yuzu (like 8-12) and they and their friends are together for ten years. At the end of that, she enters the Academy. In the flashbacks with these kids, she looks indistinguishable from how she does in the present? When exactly was this supposed to be happening?

The entire plot of Soul Society not knowing who Rukia is is stupid. Soul Society is a bureaucracy. From what we are shown, the majority of what they do every single day is paperwork. Just like Japan still to this day loves forms in triplicate, Soul Society fucking loves paperwork. And they love records and archives. And all Byakuya can do is find one lone book that references Rukia? There would be literally hundreds and hundreds and thousands of documents referencing her, or signed by her. The most casual search would indicate she was real.

Kon is annoying as hell in this movie. Like, he’s usually annoying, but not as much as he is here. It’s distracting and grating.

Ichigo is a continual disappointment in this movie. There are so many things that I will give them their own entries denoted by letters below:

A. People say he remembers Rukia when everyone else forgets. He doesn’t. Only Kon remembers Rukia. Kon jogs Ichigo’s memory. Ichigo does admittedly remember fully and quickly, which puts him ahead of everyone else, but he still forgets to begin with. That’s stupid.

B. Ichigo is extremely wishy-washy in this movie. He requires a speech from Kon, can’t or won’t beat Shuhei of all people even with his mask on, and loses to Toushirou. It’s pathetic. I get it, he’s a sad puppy without Rukia. It’s still pathetic to watch. The only time in the manga canon where his confidence wavers when it comes to trying to get to Rukia is during the Soul Society arc, when he wants to stay and wait for Ganju so they can settle their quarrel, and you can read that as being unique because it turns out they’re cousins and Ichigo may know something is unique, even if he doesn’t know it. This shit of him becoming discouraged and sad when trying to get to her is out-of-character.

C. This is an extension of (B), but like. Okay, when Orikasa Fumiko is voicing Rukia, and she screams in agony or despair, it chills me to the bone. I cannot explain to you how much I don’t like hearing it. It makes me anxious and makes me angry. She did it on the Senzaikyu when Gin broke her resolve to face death, and she does it in this movie when the Hollow fusion starts. And all Ichigo can do… is stand there uselessly going “Rukia…” like it’s nothing unusual. If he had been on the Senzaikyu bridge when Gin had done what he’d done, and he’d heard Rukia scream like that, he’d have fucking murdered Gin right then and there in cold blood. And here he faces the equivalent and does nothing. That’s not my boy. That’s not Ichigo.

D. When Rukia is crying over the deaths of Homura and Shizuku, Ichigo just stands there uselessly beside Renji and Byakuya and does nothing to console her. Renji and Byakuya at least have an excuse because they still don’t remember her. What’s Ichigo’s? Again, not him. Go to her you moron. At least grasp her shoulder. Not the Ichigo I know.

The fight scene with the goo monster is dumb as hell. Yamamoto should be able to solo it. He activated Ryuujin Jakka and… completely disappears from the fight. He just straight up vanishes. Because you can tell they realized he should be able to solo it and that would deprive them of everyone else getting a fight too. So he just instant transmissions out of the entire movie. And we get contrived shit like the monster being faster than Yoruichi and Soi-Fon so that Kisuke can heroically save Yoruichi (because him doing it in the Yammy fight wasn’t enough already). It’s just contrived, gratuitous, and pointless.

While the IchiRuki moments are very cute (if a little overly restrained, in my opinion) I feel like the rest of the movie that is set up to make them happen is a hot mess. Things happen because they need to for the plot to work, not because it makes sense or is in character for them to happen. I can’t stand movies that are made that way for any franchise, and seeing characters I care about deeply behave in such ways really just kinda pisses me off. The story beats are derivative and generally inferior versions of things we’ve already seen.

Movie Ichigo is generally out-of-character as fuck (and not just in this movie!) in a way that reminds me of like, Jean-Luc Picard in the Star Trek: The Next Generation movies (wherein he acts basically nothing like he does on the TV show). And Movie Rukia seems generally reduced to a background character.

I said recently that Rukia and Doomguy would be friends, and you know what? I would watch that movie instead of Fade to Black or Hell Verse, to be honest. Let’s do an outline.

Ichigo is kidnapped by some denizen of Hell (Kokutou and Shuren and company, I guess? they can still be anime pretty boys even if they’re damned souls, maybe they have terrible demonic forms or something) to be used as a reiatsu battery or some shit for evil purposes. (Breaking out of Hell to overrun the other worlds?) Ichigo’s energy running wild causes some kind of temporal and dimensional vortex which draws in the Doomguy. He finds himself in the upper levels of Bleach’s Hell and does what he does, methodically murdering his way about.

Rukia is sent to investigate Ichigo’s disappearance and eventually figures out Ichigo is in Hell, and so goes to save him (against orders, with the help of Kisuke and maybe the others). There she encounters Doomguy, and is at first horrified, but she notices the rabbit’s foot he keeps on him. She decides to help him, and they’re left alone for a minute, assessing each other.

Despite their initial lack of a shared language (maybe his helmet can translate Japanese?), she communicates to him (with Chappy drawings!) that she has to go deeper into Hell to save Ichigo. Given their shared love of bunnies, Doomguy is down with that. She rides on his back as she did with Ichigo, working some of his spare guns as they go. (Imagine Rukia cocking a shotgun meaningfully tho…) Along the way Rukia freezes some dudes and Doomguy punches their heads off. The usual stuff. She tells him about Ichigo as they go, like she did to Hanataro. Doomguy says nothing because he’s Doomguy, but he seems to listen.

They eventually get to Ichigo and liberate him through the judicious application of firepower. His raging reiatsu causes a lot of damage to the surrounding environment. Doomguy takes advantage of the chaos to commit more murder, giving Ichigo and Rukia time to have a tender reunion moment. The three then team up to take on Kokutou, Shuren, and the other baddies, possibly over the course of several different battles. (Probably like a third or so of the movie is this, and maybe the others show up to pair off and get some screen time. Doesn’t really matter.)

Eventually Shuren and the other chumps die and Kokutou becomes the big bad. Ichigo and Rukia do a big tag-team bankai attack to kill him after Doomguy provides them with an opening with a BFG9000 shot (as he is mostly doing add-clear).

Victorious, the three escape to the upper levels of Hell again, where they are met by reinforcements from Soul Society and explain that Doomguy is a friend. Eventually, Kisuke does some technobabble shizzlewizzle to send Doomguy back to the dimensions he more properly belongs to. Rukia gives him a parting gift of a drawing of him and Daisy in happier times. Ichigo gives him a fistbump and a CD player with some punk music, or a collection of edgy Shakespearean poetry or something.

Ichigo and Rukia share an epilogue to decompress and have some playful banter about how she’ll always be there for him just like he’s there for her.

Roll credits to At Doom’s Gate or BFG Division. Mid-credit sequence is Doomguy sitting on a massive demon corpse, making a detailed Chappy drawing of himself, Rukia, and Ichigo killing demons together as friends. End-credit sequence is Ichigo and Rukia playing an FPS game together on a console in pajamas or lounging clothes while laughing and bantering.

Like, yes, this idea is pretty stupid (although I am increasingly tempted to write it) and a frankly bizarre crossover. But you know what? It feels truer to the characters to me, and less contrived and dumb in setting up why what is happening is. It doesn’t really make the characters needlessly helpless or incompetent to generate those good moments of interaction.

And that is really my problem with Fade to Black: what it has to do to get the good moments outweighs them, for me. Maybe it’s because I just can’t turn my brain off and can’t stop doing critical analysis, but I always feel like the juice ain’t worth the squeeze. (And I kinda feel that way about all the animated movies. I was really surprised by how much I liked the Live Action: it nailed handling things perfectly.)

Other people like it, and that’s fine, but I don’t really intend to ever watch it again.

#Asks #rukia-kuchiki-divided #DoomBleach #god why did this stupid crossover even occur to me #i hate it #but i love it #but i HATE it

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smhalltheurlsaretaken · 4 years

Text

Birthday prompt #5

Read on Ao3 Birthday prompts masterlist

@aini-nufire

[Ok, how about Cris saves Picard from some danger (jumps in front of him/pushes him out of the way) and gets hurt himself and we get some feels from Dadmiral Picard?]

After what the brass had dubbed the “Coppelius stunt,” Jean-Luc Picard owed Starfleet so many favors that he was hardly in a position to refuse Clancy whenever she requested that he and his unorthodox crew go deal with the odd diplomatic mess. Many non-Federation worlds reacted better to him personally than to Starfleet envoys, it seemed, and it was often very useful. Right now, staring at half a dozen arrowheads all pointed at him and Rios, Picard sincerely wished he’d told the Commander in Chief to get lost.

(The bows were originally ceremonial, but the reinforced tritanium arrows looked operative enough. Picard could feel Rios’ glare from where the Captain was standing.)

“I fail to see what you are trying to accomplish here,” Picard tried to reason. “Harming us will not make the Federation listen to whatever demands you might have.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m aware,” the demi-King said with a genuine laugh, his accented Standard quite informal for the leader of a third of the Keetureh planetary system. “And that’s partly the point. To be honest, this really hasn’t much to do with the Federation.” He waved one of his four nigh-translucent hands around, gesturing to his people surrounding them. “You have just no idea of what killing you guys would do for my approval rating.”

Picard’s eyebrows climbed to vertiginous heights. He stared, quite dumbfounded, and a quick glance in Rios’ direction was enough to determine that the younger man was just as confused.

“This is about getting re-elected?” Cris attempted to clarify. Picard could tell that he was offended by the notion.

The demi-King nodded in confirmation, a vaguely contrite smile on his lips.

“Sorry,” he apologized with a half-shrug. “I would bet that you’re both used to being threatened for more personal reasons. The truth is, most of my people are backwater idiots who are dying to see me ‘take action’ against big evil Starfleet and all of you offworlders. I wouldn’t risk killing an actual ambassador, but I figure they won’t know the difference.”

Picard’s perfectly regulated synthetic heart managed to skip a beat as hope ignited within his chest. He stepped forward, ignoring the wary soldiers’ growls of warning, and held up his hands to get the demi-King’s attention.

“Then let my friend go,” he offered before the man could order his troops to shoot him, or knock him out. “His name will mean nothing to them, and my death alone should suffice to impress your electorate.”

It was a rather bold – reckless – move, but the opportunity was too favorable to pass up, and Picard had spoken before considering much beyond the obvious need to secure Rios’ safety. He was taken completely by surprise when the strong negative reaction that he was preparing for didn’t come from the Keeturehan, but from Rios himself.

“Fuck that,” Rios snarled, and before anybody had the time to react he dived for his comm badge, which the demi-King had carelessly left lying on the table. “Raf, beam us out,” he barked in the device as he snatched it up.

The demi-King shouted something in his own language and the gears of the mechanical bows turned, leaving a mere half-second delay between the twang of the strings being released and the woosh of air rushing past Picard’s ears as he was tackled to the ground. Rios’ muffled grunt was lost in the transporter beam.

When they materialized on the transporter pad at the back of the ship, Rios was the first to get to his feet, getting up before Picard could fully register that the younger man had been shielding him with his body. The crew’s surprised exclamations were what got him too look up, dizzy as he was from the experience. He froze.

Rios was wobbling unsteadily, his right hand stretched out as he tried to find the bulkhead for support, his left hand pressing against his lower abdomen and the Keetureh arrow protruding from it.

“What the—” Seven swore as she rushed to steady him.

Raffi crashed to the ground next to Picard, her hands hovering nervously as she tried to ascertain whether or not he was injured as well. He batted her hands away impatiently, getting to his feet with Elnor’s help just as Rios’ refused Seven’s offered support.

“I’m fine,” the man growled, before – to their collective horror – gripping the end of the arrow’s thin shaft and breaking it off. He tossed it to the ground right as the EMH flickered on.

“Captain!” the holo exclaimed as he came online, “Sir, are you alright?”

“I think tritanium messes with your scanners,” Rios deadpanned, pushing the hologram out of his way as he stumbled toward the stairs.

The medbay was down there, but so were his quarters. Agnes seemed to realize this as she jumped in front of him and tried to block his way.

“Cris, wh— what are you doing?” She stammered, voicing their shared incredulity. “You need to sit down!”

Rios’ expression softened minutely, but he brushed past her off the same. It was all Picard could take before the irritation that had been steadily swelling up his chest exploded into anger.

“Rios,” he snapped, “what exactly do you think you’re doing?”

That got the Captain’s attention, and his dark eyes dropped to Picard’s. They were stormy and unreadable, and Picard was not in the mood to indulge Rios’ aggravating tendency to brood.

“What?” Rios asked through gritted teeth. As he was wavering on his feet, the blood stain on his shirt growing larger, Picard assumed that the strained voice was because of the pain.

“Rios, you will sit down and you will let the EMH examine you before we move you to sickbay,” Picard instructed, gesturing at the half-arrow still sticking out. “And for goodness’ sake, do it before you collapse. You have been foolish enough for today.”

That had apparently been the wrong thing to say, but Picard didn’t realize it until Rios slumped against the wall and glared at him with all his might. The others hovered awkwardly in the background, aware that their help would not be welcomed.

“Foolish?” Rios repeated hoarsely.

Later, Picard would look back on that moment and rightly beat himself over his appalling lack of sensitivity and common sense. At the time, he pressed on, somehow convinced that a stern commanding voice and clear orders were what a stubborn ex Starfleet Commander needed to start acting rationally.

“Taking such a risk on my behalf was reckless and ill-conceived. Now sit down so you don’t add your death to my conscience,” Picard said firmly.

And just like that Raffi flinched badly, and Seven let out a low “damn.” Before Picard had time to consider why, Rios’ face went from stony to downright furious, absolute rage etched on each line of that face they only knew as cool and collected.

“Yeah, because it was all about you,” he spat. The hand clasped over his wounded side was trembling badly, Rios’ legs shaking, sweat trickling down his neck as he conjured the last dregs of his strength in an a desperate effort not to collapse. (Even propped against a bulkhead and his blood puddling on the ground, he still managed to stand taller than Picard.) “It’s always all about you old Starfleet cabrónes and your grand heroic moves and your fucking egos and your Messiah complexes. Aweonao.”

But after that he deflated, and he looked impossibly tired. When he staggered from the wall and made his way to the stairs with the EMH following worriedly, nobody stopped him.

“He is very sad,” Elnor stated when Rios had disappeared from their field of view. And then he turned to Picard and frowned at him. “And I think it is your fault.”

“What happened down there?” Soji asked, the only one who had not once voiced her opinion or tried to intervene in any way since Picard and Rios had beamed up.

“Seems clear enough to me,” Raffi muttered, shooting a glare at Picard. She suddenly clapped her hands, startling them. “Okay, here’s tonight’s rule, and you’d all better respect it. No following Cris, no talking to Cris, no trying to get Cris to open up. I’ll make sure he’s alright.”

Elnor, Soji and Agnes all looked like they were ready to protest, and Picard felt like it too, as he considered that he deserved some form of explanation for Rios’ outburst, but Raffi shut them up before any of them had time to voice their complaints.

“Guys, no offense to you, but I know him. He won’t want to see any of you,” she said in a tone that brooked no argument. “I know you’re worried, but that’s really not the important thing here.”

And with that, she strode after their Captain and disappeared in the belly of la Sirena, leaving Picard to ponder what he had done so wrong and how he could best apologize once he understood. Seven noticed his troubled look, and she walked to him and snatched his arm, leading him to the bridge before he could protest.

“One of you activate that stupid Hospitality Hologram to clean up all that blood,” she threw over her shoulder to their three younger shipmates. “And you,” she told Picard with a hard look, “you and I need to talk.”

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When Picard sneaked past Raffi’s quarters late that night and made his way to Rios’ room, he was fully prepared to get thrown out and have to face the wrath of the whole crew. She’d told them all that she and Cris had talked a bit, drunk a bit more, that he was as good as cold be expected, and that he was still off-limits. Picard imagined that Rios had locked himself into his quarters, away from prying eyes and careless words. It thus came as a surprise when the door slid open at his simple request, welcoming him into the very heart of that ship he now called home but had yet to fully know.

Rios was facing away from him, sitting in one of two armchairs with a book in his hands and a new shirt on. He didn’t look up at the whoosh of the door panel, probably out of indifference. Picard rapped his knuckles against the door frame, awkwardly clearing his throat when it was clear that Rios didn’t intend to react in any way.

“May I come in?” He asked softly, because he had done his day’s share of overstepping.

Rios finally deigned looking up and eyed him warily. Then he closed his book and gave a nod – a sharp jerk of the head, really, motioning for Picard to enter. Picard slowly came closer, moving to stand right in front of his host. He didn’t dare examine the room for too long, lest he appear rude, but he still noticed the spotless surfaces, the tidiness, the appearance of perfect life-discipline that might just be a cover for a near-pathological need to clean up and keep things ordered.

As his eyes landed on Rios again, Picard couldn’t help but notice the slight bulge under the shirt then, the red tinge of that slightly wet patch on the fabric, just under the ribs. Still no dermal regenerator, apparently.

“Are you alright?” Picard inquired carefully, because he hated to think that Rios considered mere bandages an adequate substitute to tissue regeneration.

The man probably had no interest in painkillers either.

Rios raised an eyebrow at the question, a bit weary, a bit sardonic, just enough Rios that it helped put Picard’s mind at ease.

“What do you want?” Cris asked flatly.

Was Picard like that to most people? A riddle wrapped in an enigma, keeping all emotions to himself and leaving his friends and acquaintances to fruitlessly try to guess what it was that he was thinking or feeling?

Taking in a deep breath, Picard gave Rios a sheepish smile.

“May I?” He inquired again, pointing at the second armchair.

Something shifted in Rios’ stony demeanor, like another defensive wall going up, but he didn’t say no, and so Picard sat. Rios stared at him for a few moments before smiling wryly, a sight that Picard had dearly been hoping to see.

“If we keep answering questions with more questions, we’re never going to get any talking done,” Rios commented with that smirk of his. He poured himself a glass of alcohol and downed it in one gulp, absently holding his left side. “Go ahead.”

Picard cleared his throat again.

“It has come to my attention— Well, Seven and Raffi ensured that it came to my attention— that I have behaved quite tactlessly upon our return from Keetureh.” Rios snorted but didn’t interrupt him, which encouraged him to continue. “You said something, about being all about me… I don’t think I understand.”

“I don’t think I care,” Rios said back, pouring himself another drink. “You’re kinda making it all about yourself right now.”

Picard sighed.

“Rios, I can hardly apologize for something I don’t know I have done.”

Rios got up without drinking his second glass of brandy and walked to the opposite wall, leaning against it with his forearm and staring at the soft lights above his bed wordlessly.

“This is about Captain Vandermeer, isn’t it?” Picard pressed gently.

He had forgotten earlier that this Captain before him wasn’t the fearless lone spaceman that he often pretended to be.

Rios’ vulnerability had been on display the day after Nepenthe, when he’d brought Soji onboard. That day too, Picard had somehow managed to make a mess of things by failing to see the depth of Rios’ anguish. But that day they’d also talked, the young Captain had opened up, and Picard had caught glimpses of a bright and optimistic Starfleet XO eager for the approval and respect of his superiors.

He now remembered how Rios had once called him “old man” when that nickname apparently belonged to his late commanding officer, how he’d said “jefe” to him. So Picard waited, confident that this connection at least would get Rios to give up a snatch of information, or the merest hint of a confidence.

Rios stared at the lights for a long while before rubbing his eyes tiredly with two fingers. It lasted just too long to be a simple symptom of fatigue, and the hitching breath that followed was just too short to be from the physical pain. Rios breathed in through his nose, though it sounded almost like a sniff, and giving up all pretense, he wiped his eyes.

“Damn,” he muttered. “Yeah, it’s about Captain Vandermeer. It’s always about Captain Vandermeer.” He gave Picard a weary look and let out a slow, pained chuckle. “It’s always about Captain Vandermeer because he couldn’t wait ten minutes before blowing his brains out. He just had to do it there, right in front of me. It’s always about you because you’re the retired Admiral with a brain abnormality that flies away with my ship to commit suitably heroic suicide, and still has the gall to beam down at the last possible minute because your death wouldn’t dramatic enough if you kicked the bucket on my bridge.”

Picard blinked, taken aback. Rios wasn’t done.

“It’s always about him and you because you always have some red stain to wipe off your ledger, some nasty thing to clear off your conscience, some big screw-up you can’t live with and have to atone for. And nothing else in the world matters.”

Picard was beginning to get the picture.

“I supposed that you’re entitled to be angry at my self-sacrificing tendencies,” he gently acknowledged. “It would be hypocritical of me to deny you that after my own outburst.”

Rios’ eyes hardened.

“I’m angry at you assuming that you have the right to make me live through anything like my Captain’s death and your death a third time,” he corrected harshly. But then his voice faltered, and he looked away again. “I’m angry at you thinking that you have the right to choose between saving my life and adding to what you’ve already made me carry.”

I am terrible at this, Picard thought as memories of all his similarly awkward conversations with Elnor, Soji, Raffi or Agnes flashed before his eyes. Of their seven people crew, it really appeared like Seven of Nine was the only one who had no need for his paternal guidance. Trust the universe’s twisted sense of humor to make Jean-Luc Picard the fatherly figure to an entire ship full of badly damaged adults and youngsters. His Starfleet crews had been mostly emotionally balanced – or at least bound to stay professionally distant.

“I’m truly sorry,” he said softly, because words of comfort seemed pale and inadequate here.

Rios nodded slightly before wincing, the sheen of sweat again visible on his pain-creased brow. He crossed the distance to his bed and all but collapsed on the mattress. He didn’t lie down, sitting up as straight as his injured side would allow, but it was clear that he badly needed to rest.

“It’s okay,” he said tiredly. “I’m not— I’m not that angry.”

And here it was, the vulnerability, the easy forgiveness of a young First Officer who held Captains and Admirals in too high regards, weighing his own faults as heavier than all of theirs, endlessly comparing himself to those he looked up to and founding himself lacking. Picard had seen it many times, had seen the same behavior in young ensigns and decorated officers alike.

“I was very worried about you,” Picard confessed, because it felt important.

Rios deserved to know that he cared, as clumsily as he did. To shoulder such a burden of pain and trauma without the assurance that of reciprocated affection would have been intolerable. And it was the core of the problem, wasn’t it? Vandermeer and Picard had both ultimately failed to prove that they cared. They’d made it about them.

“No need,” Rios quipped, his speech now slightly slurred. “Wasn’t even the first time you’ve seen me with tritanium stuck somewhere.”

“I don’t much care for a repeat, frankly,” Picard gently admonished, although he was disappointed that Rios had addressed the physical aspect of the issue and neglected to acknowledge the underlying message. He studied Rios’ waxy complexion and he took in the tremors running through his shoulders. “Do you want me to leave?”

“Don’t really care,” Rios shrugged. He finally lowered himself onto his back and stared at the ceiling without a word, breathing in and out, and Picard hated to leave him like this.

“Thank you,” he finally said. “For getting us out of that mess. And for saving my life.”

“Hmm,” Rios eloquently answered. “You’re welcome.”

Just as Picard was getting up to go, the inexplicable urge to check on Cristóbal one last time forced his steps towards the bed and not the door. The Captain was already asleep, his skin clammy and the red patch on his shirt larger, his pained breaths escaping through slightly parted lips. Picard had never been one for physical displays of affection, but he couldn’t help the hand than strayed to Cristóbal’s forehead, brushing away some of the wayward curls.

“Pops,” Cristóbal breathed out in reaction to the touch – whimpered, almost – causing Picard to withdraw his hand immediately, feeling oddly guilty.

The EMH decided to silently appear right then, the medkit materializing at his feet. His gaze met Picard’s and they exchanged a nod.

“Go,” the EMH – Emil – murmured. “I’ll take care of it.”

Picard left, still a little troubled, still a little humbled. He’d have liked to stay longer, to make sure, perhaps, that Cris was alright.

But that had been today’s lesson, hadn’t it? It really wasn’t about him.

#star trek: picard #star trek picard #cristobal rios #cris rios #jean-luc picard

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