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belle-keys · 3 years

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I Love Matthew Fairchild aka Incoherent Thoughts about Chain of Iron (2021) by Cassandra Clare

I made one of these rant-rave reviews for SJM's book so check it out if you want, no pressure tho lmao.

Aight so I finished Chain of Iron last night and OMG I HAVE TO YELL like I loved it sooo much like yooo, I have a lot to say. I know the book is new so... beware for spoilers plebs.

Also context: I been reading the Shadowhunter books since I was 12 and I'm 19 now *insert dead emoji face* so yeah, I'm just so happy rn with where the Chronicles have come and the fact that they’re still ongoing *insert uwu face*. I remember when in like 2014-2015 or something when Cassandra Clare teased that Will and Tessa's kids' generation was gonna get a trilogy set in Edwardian London, loosely based on Great Expectations, and holy hell? I think that was perhaps one of the best days of my life considering how much I adore The Infernal Devices (that trilogy really changed the way I see YA literature... don't ask cus I won't shut up about it) (also yes I read TMI and loved it too but there's a “generation gap” between TMI and the other Shadowhunter books stylistically so don't ask me about that either cus I also won't shut up).

Anyway, shoo from here if you want a critical essay on Chain of Iron. I'm not providing that, this is just me raving here for the fun.

Listen... I want the bulk of this to just be two main things: The Matthew Situation, and then all the literary and judeo-christian meta aspects of it.

BUT I ALSO NEED TO TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE SO FRICK LET'S JUST START WITH THE OBVIOUS SHIT LIKE THE PLOT AND WHATEVER

Okay, the plot and writing and shit, let's get that out of the way:

The WHOLE Jack-the-Ripper-esque ambiance was just sooooo good man wow like I did not expect the book to take this cold turn but it worked so well. There was such a contrast between Jamie and Cordelia's warm little house and then the cold winter and the stabbings and shit and it felt like a nice little callback to the actual Ripper phenomenon that preceded them and a nod to the Whitechapel Fiend story from Tales from the Shadowhunter Academy.

Bitch OFC that whole thing with Wayland was a set-up like nawww that was too easy to spot and I get why Cordelia feels like shit about it.

Dawg Lucie was just the Among Us imposter here in that my girl was just venting and sneaking around with dead people and I was like nooooo girl run, don't deal with Fade this is a set-up THINK ABOUT JULES LUCIE THAT'S LIKE YO GREAT-GRANDSON *sobs* but yeah anyway my girl has death powers she gonna kill some bitches next book.

You see that confrontation between Lilith and Belial? MASTERPIECE DIALOGUE like this was the point within which I was just like "yo is this the book of Genesis or a YA Fantasy novel" like when Lilith said "I may have been cast out but I did not fall" like??????????????????? I YELLED she did not have to END Belial like that. What a bad bitch.

More on Lilith and Belial... "You, who brought nations into darkness? Shall I finally be able to tell the infernal realms you have gone mad, lost even the image of the Creator." HAHAHHAHAHA SHE SAID "YO BELIAL GO GET SOME THERAPY AND GET OFF MY ASS" LIKE??????

Ughhhh yasss Clare has improved writing diverse characters in this book compared to in The Dark Artifices in my opinion... I'm not gonna expand on it cus ain't nobody got time for that but like, I enjoyed how she wove Persian poetry and tales into the story and the way in which she writes Cordelia and Alistair. They're not caricatures of Persian people but rather multi-faceted beings who also happen to be Persian and I appreciate that. Also, Alistair and Thomas and Anna and Ariadne were just so fun and interesting to read as coupbles but also as individuals. She really higlighted diversity in a very natural manner. All I need is a hijabi character and I’ll die a happy woman lmao.

The level of META man like the references to Classics and art (I swear, she might have compared Matthew to angels out of Caravaggio AND Rosetti AND Boticelli paintings and I Am Living For It) and just all the quotes from holy books and shit omg I love it here like you really feel catapulted into the time period, she draws reference to external art and philosophy so well and I feel like she upped the notch on it in this book (didn’t know that was possible but it was the prose is BEAUTIFUL, archaic, but not pretentiously so). No, like the characters live in their OWN worlds of literature and art and history in the way we are living in THEIRS. They quote Wilde and Milton while we'll quote Clare. It's awesome.

This is an unusually structuralist take even from me but: I like the way the milieu social of the book, i.e., the high society Edwardian circles and their values, have a direct influence on the plot. James and Cordelia got married because society’s values essentially forced them to, not a demon. Cordelia abandons Jamie at the end of Iron because her shame as a woman in society and fear for her reputation made her, not a demon. Thomas and Alistair can't be together solely because of how Alistair tarnished the reputation of the Fairchilds and Lightwoods by using the horror of infidelity against them. Issues relating to marriage, gender roles, etc, stemming DIRECTLY from the time period rule the sequence of events to the same degree as the epic fantasy aspects (demons, Princes of Hell, the lore itself) do and I LOVE that dear God above.

OKAY THE GOOD SHIT LET US TALK ABOUT CHARACTERS AND SHIPS (N.B. but imma discuss Matthew and the Fairstairs situation separately below this portion):

Alistair's redemption arc: No, cus Alistair's redemption arc is honestly amazing. He really did change and it's not like his betterment as a person was linked to any one heroic deed but rather he simply decided he wanted to be better especially for his family and he decided to become a proper protective son, a caring brother, and an amiable friend. He fully owned up to his Malfoy tendencies and apologized without expecting forgiveness. He shows how he cares in the little ways and omg it's so sweet and tender. I really do want him to love himself now and be embraced by Matthew especially and the rest of the Thieves.

Dawg Lucie and Jesse are so funny to me like it's so hilarious how this girl fell in love with a whole ass ghost that no one else knows about like HHAHA. Are Lucie and Jesse my ult ship ever? Nah, but it's nothing to do with Clare, it's just that their relationship happened pretty quick and feels quite like something epicly romantic that Lucie herself would write. I just like slow burn and friends-to-lovers the most from Clare. To be honest part of me just wanted Lucie to not have a romantic arc all together but like, it's all good, I'm not complaining.

Okay Grace- like yooooooooooo I never hated her yunno. She has been abused and isolated all her life. It's not that she is a bad person, but rather that she does not know what being a person even entails. Can't even say she's a “doll” of a person cus she's never even been pampered like one by her family. I really started understanding her motivations since when they gave us her half-childhood with Jesse. I want better for her but cmon can she REALLY be saved???

GRACE X CHRISTOPHER *pretends to be shocked*... Okay, sometime in the middle of the Dark Artifices series some big brain put together a very thorough family tree of the families and like, it clearly showed that Grace and Christopher got married so like, lmfaooooo, I knew this was coming one way or another, but the journey to this ship is more important than the destination. Like in a way Christopher is such a cute baby lamb that it makes sense he'd end up being immune to her Grace-ness when he's just a cute little Einstein boiii. Like this is just so funny to me cus he's so oblivious to social conventions while she makes the milieu social her entire life so OFC it's gonna work. Like, this is such a worlds-colliding trope like just Give It To Me.

James and Grace - aw mannn Jamie just had me fricking wanting to hit a wall every two seconds cus like yooooooo every single time I think he and Cordelia are gonna stop being emotionally-constipated spouses, Jamie says some kinda shit like "omg me and Daisy are just friends uwu" like DO I NEED TO HIT YOU?????????? See I can't blame him for not slamming the door on Grace's face even tho he totes should- Jamie is so cerebral and kind that even if Grace wasn't using the enchantment on him, I think he would always be soft for her even if it isn't in a romantic way. There's just so much miscommunication cus like he said "Thank God" when she broke off the engagement with Charles and lowkey embraced her but it also wasn't his fault cus it wasn't even romantic BUT OFC IT LOOKED HORRIBLE TO CORDELIA like James literally never told the woman at least once that he loved her so OFC she thought she was back to square one with him dear God above what a mess. Not his fault, but she DID set down one rule for him: don’t cheat with Grace. And yeah even tho he hasn’t properly cheated, it must FEEL horrible to her cus she’s just been enduring the pain of their unrequeted love for so long :((

See imma just say it but if Cordelia thought that James didn't love Grace then she def would have confessed to him about her feelings right but like James, on the other hand, was delaying his own romantic confession cus he was BEING EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED and I can't even say the bracelet was solely to blame cus like my boi was just being so difficult omg I believe he should be lightly spanked by his three parents aka Will, Tessa and Jem *cries*.

Cordelia is such a MOM like she's so mature and stable and her self-preservation instinct? OFF THE CHARTS I love this woman like James definitely treated her well as a hubby but like I JUST WANTED HER TO HAVE CLOSURE ABOUT SOMETHING and boy oh boy she did get that closure she got it good but not from the person she expected in the LEAST *hehe* *pelican screeching*... like Lucie was being sus with the whole ghost business and James was being just, quite a case, dealing with Grace and Belial right and I don't blame them at all for their secrecy and shit but her FATHER DIED and her friends were hiding a lot from her so in a way she turned to Alistair for help but he could only do so much cus of his own pain (she couldn't even talk to her mom cus she's pregnant and she doesn't wanna stress her right) and then there was this emotional block between her and Jamie, Lucie was often absent and conspiring with the dead... the last person remaining was HIM (imma discuss this soon), but yeah my heart just went OUT to her cus she's tryna save herself and her family and she just doesn't know what to do. That's why I love the way her mom told her to stop holding herself back for others and live her own life. Like Cordelia grew on me so much cus in Gold she undoubtedly was a strange Elizabeth Bennet-wallflower hybrid and I... do not usually get attached to wallflowers but in Iron I feel like I finally understood that she was just tryna be unproblematic and self-preserving all along and nottt put her family and friends in a tough situation.... she reminds me of my mom personality-wise so yeah I’m totally rooting for her now that her *situation* in the past seems clearer.

Anna, Thomas and Matthew are such a SQUAD lmfaooooo like united in their gayness they'd be so unstoppable.

Will and Tessa are the most in-love of all the in-loves in this story and I respect that so much.

I lost a year to my life every time the romance between James and Cordelia got cockblocked. Like they were MARRIED and I thought they were gonna at least sleep next to each other at least once BUT NO James couldn't take a hint omg I'm actually gonna eat my fist and sob (but in retrospect, I think this serves a bigger purpose in terms of the narrative structure i.e. the interruption of all the spicy James and Cordelia action serves a bigger purpose which I think brings me to my next section, *exhale*)

Welcome to the Matthew Fairchild Enthusiast Club (this section is me talking out loud; it makes no sense):

bitch.

LISTEN TO ME LISTEN WELL I LOVE THIS BOY SO MUCH IMMA SCREAM I REALLY AM GONNA SCREAM MY FIST IS LITERALLY IN MY MOUTH *BACKFLIPS OFF THE ROOF WITH LANA DEL REY PLAYING*

Okay like where to BEGIN I think the Shadowhunter boy who I'm most attracted to is Julian while the one I love the most is Will but I think I see myself in Matthew the most. Like ever since that first story where the Thieves all met at the Academy then got expelled, I think that I just KNEW Matthew was destined to be epic. Plus the whole Wilde obsession? I’m no libertine myself but I just love his chaos and passion for life.

NO CUS HE'S SO WITTY AND SWEET AND EPIC AND YET SO SECRETIVE AND DEAR GOD ABOVE AHHHHH WILL HE SURPASS JULIAN FOR ME??? Ion even know but this is just sodjsgdwsdygyegydgef

Hear me out but I said after finishing Gold last March that I wanted this book to be Matthew's healing arc right so halfway into the book when I realized that we weren't getting all that good healing arcing I was confused just cus I thought it seemed natural to address all of his alcohol issues and sadness by now. LITTLE DID I KNOW CASSIE WAS SETTING UP A WHOLE OTHER ARC WITH HIM THAT I WOULD HAVE NEVER GUESSED WTH.

At first I thought Matthew didn't have feelings for anyone at all, and if he DID develop feelings unexpectedly, I fricking thought that maybe he's catching feelings for James, if anyone??? I mean, I did have some suspicions about Matthew from the get-go: like he's so secretive and as readers we think we know everything there is to know about him since we were all privy to the truth potion incident in his short story right BUT NO I GOT PLAYED AND I DESERVE IT SO BADDDDDD.

Listen I hadn't shipped him and Cordelia simply because I never thought it in the realm of possibility but it MAKES SENSE as a ship... think about it: he never says what he feels, he flirts with her like he does with EVERYONE, he is kind to her in the way he is with EVERYONE. Really, Matthew is shippable with everyone, doesn’t matter if they’re taken cus that’s just what his Matthewnes allows for ya feel. There is such a beautiful irony that CORDELIA herself did not see this coming. Even the little teasers and hints in Gold have only NOW started making sense to me likejhss. I just felt like the hints in book 1 did not indicate to me that Matthew really harbored real romantic feelings for Daisy. I thought he was upset that James and Cordelia were being fakes, not a developing CRUSH on the woman fgs.

Not to mention that you usually sense a ship building when the emotional connection or sexual tension between the characters is made clearer but to me their FRIENDSHIP grew right but it didn’t feel like Cordelia was thought that she liked him or he liked her so that means me and Cordelia are clowns *together* 😤

Okay I was lowkey having SUSPICIONS but I immediately shut them down right... like firstly when he took her to the White Horse in his car and she went OFF and OFF and off about how she felt free for the first time? I thought Cassie was just tryna develop Cordelia's self-liberation arc through Matthew there. Heck, I didn't even think ANYTHING of it when Matthew confession to Cordelia about the "truth potion" incident at all cus I was like they're FRIENDS??? BUT now it's adding up now...

See when they were at the inn place and he was telling her that she doesn't in the least seem like a 100 year-old married woman? I was like hmmmm he's so sweet but why did Cassie phrase it like that like??? When Cordelia later reiterated that she thought Matthew's flirting was “meaningless”?? I was like hmmm kinda SUS tho. And then when he and James had their fight over the way Jamie kissed Grace like again I thought he was just like? ion know? mad at James for it but I didn't think he was in LOVE with Cordelia??? So I immediately put aside my slight suspicions. The probability that he had a crush on James at that point seemed more likely to me.

BUT THEN it started hitting me that every time Matthew drank, even before he explained his issue with the truth potion, that Cordelia would note it, she would worry about him, she would think of her father which seemed so poetic to me, history repeating itself and all that but this time you can FIX it??? Yeah, but again I didn't think the L WORD would be involved man???

Now imma sound like a delulu shipper here but it just makes sense they would develop feelings logically- reason being that it definitely is possible based on the way Cassie set up the story, like there's a combination of little “friend things” that can turn this into a proper ship: Matthew rescues Cordelia in the ballroom when Grace captures James' attention in Gold. Cordelia sees her father in Matthew all the time but knows now she has a chance to be there for him in the way she couldn't have been there for Elias (classic “history repeats itself” trope, she doesn't want Matthew drinking in Paris like dhshghdfhdhch). Cordelia tastes freedom for the first time when driving with Matthew. Matthew caught James and Cordelia making out in the room and was pissed but not even HE properly knew why then??? Umm, when she thinks James is forreal cheating with Grace on her she subconsciously goes to Matthew??? I also found it funny just how every intimate marital moment between her and James got interrupted somehow. Like, it's as if the narrative is just a living force REFUSING to let James and Cordelia as a ship be consecrated. Heck, every time Matthew is scantily clothed Cordelia notes it. LITTLE CRUMBS I TELL YOU LITTLE CRUMBS.

I tell you when Cordelia showed up to Matthew's flat I thought they were gonna f*ck as friends but I got SOMETHING EVEN BETTER SOMEHOW

THEY ARE GOING TO PARIS LA BELLE EPOQUE PARIS THE PARIS OF DREAMS AND ART LIKE??? FRICKKKKK I DID NOT SEE THIS COMING AT ALLLL MAN? I deadass thought the story would be restrained to the UK but like it MAKES SENSE the trope subversion MAKES SENSE.

“In Paris, with you, I will not need to forget.” SHITTRGEGGGDG

BUT CORDELIA LOVES JAMES TOO LIKE I CAN'T DENY THAT... where are we GOING with this like Matthew wouldn't lie about his feelings and yet Cassie wouldn't give us Matthew and Cordelia crumbs to only end it in the next book immediately for her to just ditch him for James. I mean she was clearly holding back on fleshing out James and Cordelia as a ship for this but to WHAT END??? Daisy feels wild and free with Matthew and she feels warm at home warm with James. I can’t advocate for the sinking of ANY ship here.

Imma say what we're all thinking: Is she gonna give us a Will x Jem x Tessa type situation where Cordelia gets both of them cus I'm not strong enough for this but I also think it'd be really funny if James gets a surprise bi awakening in the next books and then we get POLY even tho this would never happen, it’s actually impossible, because of the whole parabatai thing.

Listen I ship Cordelia and Matthew much more than Cordelia and James, not that I dislike James in any way tho. It's just: Matthew is so unrestrained and she's so composed. They seem like an unlikely pair so it makes sense that they hit harder for me. James and Cordelia have such similar personalities but I ALSO don't ship James with Grace at all so like?? Poly would be... ideal... but it can’t happen especially cus they are fricking parabatai... a Will-Jem-Tessa situation seems more likely but mannnn ion know what to expect. I just want FAIRSTAIRS to have their moment in Paris. I mean James and Matthew clearly don't abhor each other for this.

Take everything I say with several grains of salt, take everything I say with the whole Dead Sea actually, cus I damn well know that Matthew is so flirty and whatnot that I’d have shipped him with anyone in their little circle but now that she set him up with Cordelia it all feels so right?? I have wanted this man in a good relationship since he walked onto the page in Nothing But Shadows so-

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I can't believe Cassia duped me like this omg, Matthew is gonna have his healing arc in Paris with Cordelia by his side like- THIS IS ALL I HAVE WANTED AND SO MUCH MORE. Question to yall btw: are you all as surpised at Fairstairs as me or did yall see it coming all along like smart people? Am I a lone clown? 🥺

BRUH okay criticisms of CC?:

Lmfao a part of me feels like I GOTTA say something bad about CC or the book but honestly I have no objective complaints about it as of now. Am I saying that it’s the PEAK of Young Adult literature and Urban Fantasy? I mean, I make no such claims tbh. I’m not here to be critical when I read as a hobby and when CC’s writing makes me happy regardless of how flawed some people see it.

Okay what next?

So like I’m excited for the adult high fantasy she’s releasing in the fall and whatever other works she might be releasing outside of Chain of Gold within the Chronicles.

As for TLH itself? Man I’m just VIBING like I suspect I will reread Chain of Iron soon and maybe one of the anthologies just because I am happy that this series actually happened after me waiting like 6 years for it when it was just a concept: a Dickensian retelling filled with poetry and culture and history and the conventions I so loved in TID at age 12. This is all I been wanting tbh. I’m just enjoying watching this series come to fruition for it to inspire and transform me in some way. I feel like in a way my coming-of-age aligns with that of these specific characters yet I ALSO feel like I raised Jamie since infancy. Wack.

MATTHEW AND CORDELIA IN FRANCE LA BELLE EPOQUE TO BE EXACT IMMA CRY I DID NOT SEE THIS COMING AND AHHHHHH. ALSO WILL AND JAMIE GOING TO CORNWALL TO GET LUCIE AND MAYBE BOND I LOVE WILL. HE WAS ONE OF MY DILF AWAKENINGS AT AGE 12 AND NOW HE’S HERE AGAIN IMMA CRY. I WANNA SEE MATTHEW GET HAPPY. AHHH.

Ending with a fun quote: “In the wise words of someone or other, there are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy, Maurice.” 😉

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cornbake · 3 years

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Shattered Pieces | Prologue

I normally don’t make posts on this blog but like I’m sad and I do what I want so fuck you. I am very upset about the final and the death of Mollymauk. At first I tried to keep everything cannon compliant but now I’m saying fuck it. I will say this one time and one time only. DO NOT tell me I am in denial, or anything among those lines. I do not need to hear that. Criticize the work all you want but if I see one person telling me or anyone that “Oh but we have Kingsly”, “You don’t need to write this it’s been fixed”, or “Stop crying it happen X amount of years ago” I do not want to see that. Bc A) no, fuck Kingsly. It might be because I am VERY emotional rn but no. Kingsly is not Mollymauk. I understand that coming out of what had happened would greatly effect a person but King? He’s an imposter in my eyes and I just can’t except that. Now as for the story. It’s on three platforms now. Here, Wattpad, and AO3. Wattpad and AO3 have all the chapters I have currently completed, as for Tumblr I will be rereading the chapters to proof read them before I upload them here. WARNING: This book contains. Spoilers for the Second Critical Role Campaign, Violence, Swearing, Death, Me venting, and other things which will be stated when need be. ____________________________________________________________ This darkness was comforting, it was similar to a dreamless slumber, yet, he knew he wasn't asleep. Sleep wasn't this... permanent. It wasn't this cold, wasn't this... lonely. Although, it seemed oddly familiar to him; as if this wasn't the first time this had happened. It confused him, he couldn't seem to understand what was happening or what was going on. In fact, he couldn't seem to remember... Who was he? Where was he? Why was he here? Where was here? He had to pause as all the thoughts were straining and were starting to give him a slight headache. He tried to calm himself as to subdue the oncoming growing ache yet he couldn't seem to move. Or breathe for that matter. He began to become overwhelmed and freak out by this situation. He looked around and tried to desperately cry out. Nothing seemed to change. He was simply a conscious mind floating within this forever abyss of darkness. He was powerless to this world without any knowledge of time or state of being. He wanted out of this dreamless sleep, he wanted to think again. To remember who he was, to remember anything about him. Who was he? He looked around him, the darkness consuming him slowly, he could feel himself slipping away into the unknown. He wanted something different than what the void was claiming as its own. Memories. He wanted to remember. He wanted to know how he got here. He let his mind wander, yet no matter where it went it would hit a dead end. Nothing he did was getting him closer to understanding what was happening, or why it was happening. He wanted it to stop and be free. The more he let his mind wander, the more he became frustrated and more he yearned to be freed from this prison he was confined to. He snarled and growled, if he had a body he would be thrashing and throwing a tantrum. He didn't want to give up, something was telling him not to. Yet all the signs pointed to him being stuck here for as long as the clockless time ticked away. He had stopped. Stopped thinking and thrashing his bodiless form. The headache returned to his mind which had been the cause of him stopping his search. He quieted his mind and just let the silences of the black void slowly take him. It was consuming, and that frightened him. He didn't want to let the darkness take him, he knew that would be counterproductive to what he wanted in his reach, whatever that might be. He listened to the emptiness around him, until he heard a noise. One outside of his constant thoughts. He perked up upon experiencing something new. He stayed quiet once more to listen. CAW! There it was again! His headache started to kick up again. He was headed in the right direction...Finally a way out of this mess...He tried to reach out towards the noise and call back to it. Nothing...His mind ached as his longing grew. The pain almost becoming unbearable, but he knew it was worth it when he spotted something different from the eternal darkness. A faint glow of red. It was subtle and he almost overlooked it in his reach for the noise that was now nowhere to be heard. He started to make his way over to the light. The closer he got the brighter the little glow got. His senses started to return, he could hear the pounding of bare feet, the heavy breathing of a man, the wind passing him as he ran, closer and closer. He reached out to grab the source of light, he could see an arm, reaching where he would be reaching. It was bare, it shown red with the light but he could make out its original color to be a lavender purple. He reached further still, strings of what he could now make out to be hair flew in his face. He took his outreached hand and moved them out of the way. He could feel pointed ears poke out and he felt hard forces growing out of the top of his head. He ran further still, not giving up. He got closer yet fell face flat into the ground as he tripped over something. He rolled to his back to see a long thin limb being formed, he watched it grow for a little before picking himself up and dashing after the only source of light he had. He was determined to reach it, he had to reach it. The sound of jingling reach his ears and he felt chains hang from his horns and ears, as the cloths on him slightly clinging as well. His body begins to sting as he watched his arms come to life with ink. He watched as a serpent coiled around one of his arms as its eye glowed red. He could feel every detail of the ink being placed onto his body. He couldn't tell what they were or their meaning but he didn't have time to dwell on it. The next stinging pain was different, it wasn't like the ink lines that now decorated his purple skin. It was a sharp, painful, sting, and it didn't leave. He felt another one cut into him, he winced and staggered to a halt. He reached a hand up to feel where the pain had came from only to feel a hot liquid oozing out of the sharp gash in his skin, he looked at his hand and saw dark crimson. Blood. He looked to the fading light and quicken his pace from before, his time was running out. He felt the sharp cuts slice into his flesh even more now, some more deadly than others yet those seemed to fade after a while. He was almost at the light with his arm outreached once more when he felt one final pain. It came from his chest and was by far the worst pain he had felt out of the lot of them. He fell, his eyes falling half-lidded as he did, he couldn't see what was going on, all he could sense was the white-hot pain that emanated from his chest. He was limp as the world slowed for him, his outstretched hand in reach for the blight yet dimly lit object, his eyes closed shut as he readied himself to get pulled into the darkness once more. When he felt it. A mostly smooth stone. He could feel the cracks from the bottom of the object and the slight warmth it gave off as he held it. He felt at peace, as he curled around the object the pain slowly faded. He had done it. He won.... ??? Male Tiefling Blood Hunter 5 1/59 HP Next>>

#shattered pieces #critical role mollymauk #mollymauk #mollymauk tealeaf #critical role #fanfic

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freezeriafan · 3 years

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please tell me more abt how allan is nonbinary... i wanna know everything - amii

YOUVE INVOKED MY WRATH .... PREPARE FOR PARAGRAPHS ...

omgggggggggg ummmmmmm uh uh uh uh . idk i just know . one time i was in the car with my brother and he said smth to the effect of "but i mean obviously allan is nonbinary like we can all see that." and i was like "oh ya of course" but make no mistake my wig was snatched . it made perfect sense of course it was like finding a missing puzzle piece .

ummmmm . lol . k . So . uuuumm . Definitely think that this is related to his autism somehow . Not implying that being autistic makes u nonbinary but in this specific case it's related . like ok this is my interpretation of allan so it fits in line w my way of character creation or whatever . and ive been encountering this lately w ocs , autism and gender shit and the way they intersect . So ive just been thinking of that a lot lately .

HONESTLY I know it's bc i saw a tumblr post a year ago of someone saying how they feel that their autism directly affects their gender identity, or even is their gender identity. Of course someone else came up like "Thats stupid and not how things work," but the original poster held their ground. And you know me i have libra in certain places and so that evidently esoteric interpretation of the self really stuck out to me.

And so like here's my brainspace on this one this is where i am ... I have this one character who's autistic and completely soundly binary male and would honestly say that in no way is his gender influenced by his autism what is wrong w you why would you even imply that ? Like that just makes no sense. amd i have another character who is nonbinary and autistic and the latter technically affects the former in the way that it's all related to his own unique feeling of detachment from society, but trying to say that would be the same as saying "he's himself bc he's himself"; it's a moot point. Yet another oc is nobinary and autistic and those truly are unrelated points, only related in the way that they are both her . YET ANOTHER oc is nonbinary and autistc and he will honestly let you know that he very much feels like those two things are connected, in a very specific way that only has meaning to him but is relevant nonetheless . not mentioned here is the combination of being strictly binary and also feeling like your autism is related to that somehow , i just dont have an oc example of that .

K ysee what im playing w here ? You see my hand of cards . That's like where my brain is rn that's how im thinking .

allan is noninary bc I know this . I know this bc look at him .

i dont think he takes any issue w being referred to as a man however , i think that if it were a different time he'd be 99% comfortable with living his whole life taking possession and ownership of the male label bc he's allan and he loves to have a little fun . He'd never take issue w it . You could argue that at that point it doesn't matter and trying to call him nonbinary isn't worth the effort, but that's just no fun ... he's allan and i wanna talk abt him.

You know wat i mean .. he's allan he walks around as a self-actualized hollywood greaser with a reservoir of real and tough oniontown street skills , famous hockey player , always trying to be kind and always looking for a laugh and smth worth a thought . He's proud to call himself a man, proud to honor the distinction bt him and women when it's relevant and respectful, never thinking twice about it ; but he and i and you cannot deny that his idea of a man is not himself . There is a a layer of detachment like the layer of air on a hydrophobic surface submerged in water . It's not "off" or "crooked" as much as it is like taking a step backwards in linear space. And it's not a big deal .

It's not a big deal and could easily be read by you or me or him as an imposter syndrome type feeling , wrought by prominent childhood bullying and being made to feel that he is just weird or different , true. But now im gonna suggest something: does that distinction actually matter w this ? Sometimes more introspection and action is needed, but other times there's nothing you can do and this is just how a mf feels. I mean I am just so sure that he's nonbinary, fuck w labels if u want idgaf ... demiboy idc . Whatever it is it's not fluid . Whatever it is it's not cis and it's not binary in any preconceived direction .

I think Allan hanging w the right crowd would find the language and attitude to be proud and open abt his autism and to let it color his self-image, let it be relevant when he chooses and let it be relevant bc he is relevant; and in a similarly right crowd he would be able to do the same w not being cis.

Again you could argue that it's hardly worth mentioning bc it hardly affects his life it seems, but i mean . It's Allan . Lookat him

he's nonbinary i dont care <3 i dont caare . Thanks for sending this ask in . Thus concludes freezeriafan's weekly rant . make sure to like and subscribe . stay safe guys

#You know it's a legit headcanon when someone asks you ''why'' and you just respond by talking abt the character in general #Oh he's a greaser. Oh look at him. Oh I just know . yeah #allan

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lailarain · 3 years

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Warning: Spoilers for Danganronpa: The End of Hope's Peak High School:Despair Arc

(I'm watching for the first time)

We're back at it again, guys!

Also, yes, I've realized that I porbably should've watched Danganronpa 2.5 first, but I'll do that after Despair Arc

Episode 1:

Oh it's ponytail teacher lady🙂

NEW INTRO YEAH BABY

POTHEAD GUY I MISSED YOUUUU

FUYUHIKO, SONIA, MAHIRU, AND HIYOKO THE NOSTALGIAAAAAA

I'm only a few minutes in and I'm already dying of laughter from the dialogue😭

MIKAN I MISSED YOU

This ponytail teacher lady, istg😂😂😂😂😂

THE TEACHER HAS A BLADE WHY DOES THE TEACHER HAVE A BLADE

Okay where is Nagito he's the only reason I'm watching this🙄

"oH goD jUrAsSiC pArK"

IS THAT WHO I THINK IT IS?

NEKOMARUUUU

Isn't that that one pervy chef?

Teruteru, that's pretty gay😀

AKANE HELLOOOOO

Soda the simp has arrived

GUNDHAM YES I MISS YOU SO MUCH😭😭😭😭

IBUKI MY GIRL

PEKO WHY'D YOU HAVE TO DIE I MISSED YOUUUU

NAGITO NAGITO NAGITO NAGITO NAGITO NAGITO NAGITO NAGITO NAGITO NAGITO NAGITO NAGITO NAGITO NAGITO NAGITO NAGITO NAGITO NAGITO YES

NAGITO'S LAUGH🥺🥺🥺

I fear this teacher😀

Wait....Mitirai...and the Ultimate Imposter......what the fuck is going on

HAJIME IS THAT YOU, MY BELOVED NON-SHAPE-KNOWING BOI

Awwwww he's hurt by what people say🥺

CHIAKI I MISSED YOU

Hajime, you DO have a talent. You're the Ultimate Nagito Magnet

Man, I'm probably not gonna get to see Hajime on screen a lot in this anime😔

Hey blonde bitch how ya doin

Okay we've officially seen the gang! Time for episode 2!

Episode 2:

"They're all good eggs" tell that to killing game nagito lol

Why the fuck are those two always fighting😭

"I'll have you know that we are training in real life combat conditions" "Oh in that case, knock yourself out"

This is why you don't take random glowing bottles from pervert chefs, kids.

NAGITOS JUST SITTING THERE SMILING LMAOOOOOOOO

Hajime looks so uncomfortable that a teacher is trying to have a casual conversation with him😂

Oh are they talking about the Kamakura project?

Gundam playing video games makes me so happy and idk why maybe because I love how dramatic he is lol

You ever like someone so much that when they do something as simple as speak you start freaking out at how awesome they are? Yea that's how I feel about Nagito.

ARE THEY PLAYING MARIO KART?!?!?!

why is the school rumbling GUNDHAM WHAT DID YOU DO

Nagito crying over the food lmaooooo

What did Akane sayyyy😀

NO ONE TOLD ME THIS WAS A HENTAI

WHAT THE FAWK IS GOING ON

Props to Fuyuhiko for being a man and stopping Kazuichi

Istg whatever they pay these voice actors clearly isn't enough

MIKAN WHAT DID YOU SAYYYYY NO ONEE TOLD ME YOU WERE A LESBIAN

I don't even know what to say about Nagito😳

CHIAKI JUST FUCKIN PUNCHED HIM

"I regret nothing"

Nagito's so wholesomely making everyone uncomfortable🥺

Chiaki and Hajime's relationship is soooo wholesome🥰

Episode 3:

Hajime has literally solved the murders of his friends 5 times, and he calls himself average🤨

Why are all the other Reserve Course students blue?

Wait isn't that blondie Fuyuhiko's sister?

Hajime being in the middle of these random girls fighting be like 👁👄👁

Okay I'm kinda scared to ship the green hair girl and Mahiru because they might be siblings

Hard to believe that this girl is my baby boi's sister. At least Fuyuhiko has the dignity to not randomly bully a girl for no reason

Okay I hope the FBI doesn't come to my door if these two are siblings but MAHIRU I SAW YOU BLUSH GIRL I SHIP IT

Thank god fuyuhiko understands that his sister is crazy

Hajime and Chiaki gaming together is so cute🥰

I hope Chiaki didn't just accidentally convince Hajime to do the Kamakura Project😀

The blonde just called her lovesick for Mahiru...I think we got non-related lesbians on our hands

Wait.....THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED IN TWILIGHT SYNDROME MURDER CASE WHAT THE FUCK

Okay I'm kinda starting to feel bad for the blondie

GREEN HAIRED GIRL KILLED HER HOLY FUCK THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY

Wait...if the green-haired girl didn't kill her...then who did?

Woah....why is the green-haired girl acting like that🤨

WAIT GREEN HAIR GIRL IS DEAD WHAT

Is this really how people normally treat Reserve Course Students? The discrimination is so unfair.

HOW DARE THIS BASTARD TOUCH MY PRECIOUS HAJIME😤

Oh so they're on a mission

Omfg Hajime don't you DARE think you're nothing and agree to be a lab rat I swear

FUCK NO HE AGREED

I am so close to crying rn😀

How's Chiaki gonna react to this😔

Episode 4:

Chiaki is sad aww🥺

Okay Nagito looking serious is NEVER a good sign

SHIT NAGITO FROWNED THAT'S NOT GOOD

Komaeda is so polite😌

Nagito.....what is Plan B😀

WHITE-HAIRED GIRL HOW YOU DOIN😁

Oh its other blonde boy and peach-haired bitch

WELL CLEARLY NAGITO'S LUCK AIN'T SHIT

HOLY SHIT NO😭

WAIT NAGITO SET UP FUCKIN BOMBS?!?! Man, I love my chaotic boi🥰

THEY SWITCHED BAGS TOO?!?!?

This is gonna be a huge shit show, isn't it?

POOR WHITE-HAIR GIRL SHE'S COMPLETELY INNOCENT😭😭😭

What the fawk😀

HOW IS HE SO CALM, JUST LIKE "I don't think that was a laxative😕"

NAGITO'S JUST TALKING BOUT HOW UNLUCKY HE IS WHILE ALL THIS SHIT IS GOING DOWN LMAOOO

WAIT SHE JUST SLAPPED HIM

YES TEACHER LADY YOU TELL HIM HOW FUCKIN AWESOME HE IS

Yay Komaeda won't get expelled😊

WAIT NO DON'T TRANSFER HER I LOVE HER NOOOOO

Uh yeah he did it all for yall 'cause he's fuckin nagito komaeda🤨

WAIT SHE'S GONNA COME BACK?!?!?! HOLY SHIT YES

Episode 5:

Poor Mitirai🥺

yeah, see? This is why I relate to Mitirai. ANIMATION IS FUCKIN MAGICAL.

Thank GOD. I thought we were gonna have to watch the teacher lady suffer😅

Okay I know this is pretty off topic, but where the fuck is Hajime

Of course as soon as I ask that question, they start talking about the Kamakura project😅

Expelled? Bullshit.

Wait NO I WANNA SEE MORE NAGITO🥺🥺🥺

WAIT THOSE ARE THE CHARACTERS FROM THE FIRST GAME

Awww they're so happy to see her how wholesome🥺

"You perfect cinnamon roll" MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY

SAIONGI WENT THROUGH A GROWTH SPURT HOLY FUCK

Wait Mitirai and......Mitirai? So he IS the ultimate imposter.

"People flake out and let you down, but carbs are always there" - Mitirai. Truer words have never been spoken😢

IT'S JUNKO FUCKIN ENOSHIMA BABY

Right, the killing game hasn't happened yet, so both Mukuro and Junko are alive and well

So, are the ultimate imposter and mitirai sibings?

Mitirai no don't overwork yourself🥺

Did he just....say "I need you"....pick her up.....and give no other context?😀

Poor Mitirai

WAIT MIKAN NO IT'S NOT THAT KIND OF MOVIE

MAKOTO MY BOY I MISSED YOU

HAJIME IS THAT YOU? YOU LOOK TERRIBLE

Wait...HAJIME NO

HAJIME DON'T YOU DARE

WHAT ABOUT CHIAKI?!?!?!

HAJIME'S EYES ARE RED NOOOOOOO

I'm gonna miss good old Hajime😔

Episode 6:

HAJIME NO TALENTLESS PEOPLE ARE STILL PEOPLE

WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY DOING THIS TO AN INNOCENT HIGH SCHOOLER

It's......Izuru Kamakura😔

Hajime no🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Awww Chiaki misses him

Wait why didn't the teacher just lie and say that Hajime was expelled🤨

I am so close to crying rn😀

Ponytail teacher lady is gonna realize the heartbreaking truth about Hajime, isn't she?😔

Awwww buff guy🥺

That is the weirdest tourture I've ever seen

The sad thing is she doesn't even know that it was Hajime who was made the victim to the project.

Wait why is Kamakura there what's going on

"KAMAKURA KAMAKURA YAS Q U E E N."

CAN MUKURO STOP LETTING JUNKO MAKE FUN OF HER LIKE BITCH YOU ARE AWESOME

Ikuru literally the entire time Junko is talking is basically just: 😑

WAIT HE AGREES WITH JUNKO NO

wait....MITIRAI IS GONNA MEET JUNKO FUCK NO

FUCK NOOOOOO

Okay we're officially halfway through, and I'm super pissed that Nagito is god knows where because he's the ONLY reason I'm watching this

Episode 7:

MITIRAI STOP TALKING TO HER RUN ASAP AHHHHHHHHH

Junko does realize that she basically just triggered every single fan of Danganronpa, right🤨

"aWw lOoK aT hiM trEmBLe hE'S goNnA bUrsT a blOoD veSsEL bEcAuSe I jUsT diSseD hiS wAifUS"

WAIT JUNKO NO DON'T SMILE LIKE THAT

THEY THINK HE'S DEAD LMAOOOOO

NAGITO YES FINALLY

NAGITO WTF PUT SOME CLOTHES ON

Wait so is that the crash site of the what killed his parents🥺

Kazuchi, Teruteru, stop being pervs and shut up please🥰

GUNDHAM YES WE STAN

MITIRAI IS MISSING NO

Istg if they lay a hand on Mikan they bouta lose a hand😀

Poor buff guy🥺

SHIT NO THEY'RE GONNA BRAINWASH HER

Junko's eyes really went ⬆️↗️➡️↘️⬇️↙️⬅️

Wait who tf are these people🤨

Junko what is it with you and killing games😀

Wait she's actually really good at singing😯

Can we get an f in the chat for these poor students

IZURU WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST DO

THEY'RE SWEEPING IT UNDER THE RUG AGAIN?!?!?!?

So that was his promise😔

It's the cool moving comic thing from the games😯

The Reserve Course students are NOT happy😀

Poor Chiaki still misses him😔

Imagine if she knew HE was the killer

Episode 8:

(So some of my notes were deleted and when I rewrote them they got deleted twice. So I'm just gonna go where I left off.)

NAGITO YES MY BOY I MISSED YOUUUUU

"Who are you" lol

At least CHIAKI is nice to Nagito

YES NAGITO YOU LIFE-SAVER😤

Talk about what🤨

WHY ARE THEY TREATING THESE STUDENTS TO "KNOW THEIR PLACE" ISTG

Okay Nagito what is it with your luck

"Oh we found a secret passage cool😶"

POOR MITIRAI

WAIT NAGITO KNEW?!?!?!?

NAGITO HAS A FUCKIN GUN I REPEAT NAGITO HAS A GUN WHY DOES HE HAVE A GUN

OKAY WHY DOES NAGITO SOUND SO THREATENING ALL OF A SUDDEN

Okay am I crazy or was that interaction between izuru and nagito just now pretty gay?

NAGITO HOLY FUCK NO

OH THANK THE LORD

NAGITO THIS IS NO TIME TO BE A SIMP FOR IZURU

Episode 9:

That....is Hinata😔

WAIT NO DON'T YOU DARE HYPNOTIZE CHIAKI

Teacher lady is gonna be hypnotized, isn't she😖😞

OKAY JUNKO THIS IS TOO FAR

Wait is Mikan pretending?

Poor Guy😢

YEAH LISTEN TO NAGITO

I mean, I don't wanna abandon the teacher but it's already too late

WAIT IS THAT WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE?!?!?

It's so sad to know that they're just running into destruction😔

NO POOR TEACHER LADY

STOP IT RIGHT NOW

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

NOOOOOOOOOOO

You're already too late😞

WAIT WHY ARE THEY BEING SO VIOLENT

Poor Mitirai, man🥺

WAIT NO JUNKO YOU WOULDN'T

Junko STOP LEAVE HIM ALONE

You're in deep shit, Junko

WAIT NO DON'T DIE MITIRAI

Oh thank god😅

Mitirai😭

Poor Nagito too

WAIT MIKAN WHY

NO THE TEACHER IS DEFINITELY HYPNOTIZED NOPE

Episode 10:

Something's wrong....

Chiaki, don't be fooled

Wait is he actually gay tho

Okay Junko please SHUT THE FUCK UP🥰

This isn't gonna go well, is it?

CHIAKI NO

JUNKO DON'T YOU LAY A HAND ON HER

Wait why are they in a trial room

WAIT NAGITO WHY DIDN'T YOU WARN THEM BEFORE

CHIAKI NO

(Won't let me type anymore. Continue post here)

#the end of hope's peak high school #danganronpa 3

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thesazjazz · 4 years

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Rules: Answer these & tag 9 people you want to get to know better! I was tagged by @thelittleredheadedmusician hi Melissa what’s up I hope you enjoy reading how much of a nerd you already know I am 💙 love u

Last Song: I was just playing a long playlist of Pokémon music (Diamond/Pearl/Platinum) because I was reading for class and I usually put on either my own instrumental playlist (it’s pretty great) or soundtracks, lately Pokémon (there are some good long videos on YouTube, Relaxing Pokémon Music Volumes 1-3) or Undertale cuz both slap

Last Movie: uhhhhh I guess it’s not a full length movie but I watched a documentary about the Holocaust called Numbered on Netflix a couple weeks ago- thought it was really good, it’s focus is on first-hand interviews with survivors and their stories and not so much like a WWII history documentary ya know. There were both survivors and direct relatives of recently deceased survivors so it was really thought-provoking.

Currently Reading: Melissa’s @thelittleredheadedmusician draft of her book Hitch Hiker! It’s very good but I haven’t gotten very far yet because school just Hit™️ this week and it’s been quite the time getting thrown back into that, and I’m also preparing to finally move back to campus on Saturday bless up but I’m feeling stressed.

Fiction book I finished a couple weeks ago was Simon vs The Homosapiens Agenda, oh AND I watched the movie adaptation Love, Simon so that falls under movies too. Book >>>>>> movie, as usual but the movie is reeeeeaaally different and very hallmark/HBO ish so the story that it DID include (which was very edited from the book) felt very not real or genuine like the book did. Real shame but highly recommend the book, and if you’ve only seen the movie please please read the book you’re really missing OUT.

Currently Craving: man we’ve been buying these dark chocolate covered pretzels from Trader Joe’s and they are very good so yes I’m craving them but food cravings are touchy for me so I’m ALSO gonna say I’m craving people. And the ability to work outside of the four walls of my home but I will get both of those things SO soon and I literally can’t wait I gotta get the fuck outta here (people will be from a safe distance but they WON’T be related to me for a change bless).

Working on anything rn?: school work already kinda hitting and 3/4 of my classes are pretty reading heavy so far so I gotta get into a better rhythm but hey it’s day 3 going on day 4 so I’m trying not to beat myself up too much. Other than that I’m trying to get back to playing my trumpet more! I got a sick silent mute which is gonna come in very handy for when I’m living in a dorm soon omg.

Currently Playing: YES okay I’ve been playing Among Us with a couple of my friends and it’s a really fun multiplayer game that’s basically like mafia except you’re on a space ship. It’s really fun and basically you can play up to 10 people in a round and there are usually 2 Imposters and the rest are crew mates, these are randomly assigned at the beginning of the round. Basically no one knows who is what at the beginning: the goal of the crew mates is to complete tasks to keep the ship from exploding while also staying alive and paying close attention to who is doing what in order to figure out who the imposters are. The Imposters can sabotage certain parts of the ship in order to disorient the crew mates and kill them off one by one, but they have to be careful not to get caught and defend themselves cleverly when a body is found and reported or an emergency meeting is called. Basically everything time a meeting is called everyone in the game Discussed to try and figure out who the Imposters are, but the Imposters take part in this too and try to fake their way in the discussion by either blaming other people or lying really well. I’m good at being a crewmate and I’m so so at Imposter so far, sometimes I jump the gun and kill people too early so I accidentally get caught because people see me lol.

ALSO, I busted out my old Nintendo DS Lite and that’s been a pleasure the get back into. I can’t really get the WiFi to connect but you don’t need it unless you’re trying to do multiplayer stuff. Anyways I’ve been playing Pokémon Platinum because I love pokémon, I picked up on an old save file that was started in 2013 lol and I was about halfway through the gym badges. It’s hard to train for these gyms though!! Takes a lot of time to level up your Pokémon and I was also dead BROKE for some reason so I had like no medicine and at first I was like shit where can I find people to battle and get money but I found a really good route to battle on and I’m using the Amulet Coin and Exp Share to get double moneyyy and level up my Pokémon faster. It’s a great time but honestly at first I was like shit I’m really stuck cuz I have no money so I could only battle wild Pokémon for so long for xp but that doesn’t give you money and I kept running back to the Pokémon center because I had like no potions lol. But I got a really good vibe going now, got two of my bois to their final evolution (Rapidash and Monferno) but still need to get more levels rip.

Tagging: literally almost everyone i know on here was already tagged by Melissa and I really don’t have many friend followers, or followers period lol soooo like maybe 3 people will read this but of the few people I know here there’s ONE person left hi Rachel I love u you don’t have to do this at all tho no pressure, I really just did this cuz I’m boreddddd @rootfiziler

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definitelynotaminion · 5 years

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Hey baby, how are you doing? Right now it's October 26th at 4:57 a.m. and I'm in bed next to you. Twice now I've gone over to cuddle you and you let me, wrapped my arm with your hand and just let me stay there with my face in your shoulder, close enough to hear you breathe. I ever tell you that sometimes I try to match my breathing to yours when you're asleep, see if it helps me sleep? But when we sleep our breaths are a lot longer with more space between them, and I would always do it for a few minutes and give up. But for those few minutes it calmed me right down. Kind of a meditation, I guess. I did it for the first time back at our apartment. I did it earlier when I tucked into your side and you met me with open arms despite being asleep. You're so affectionate in your sleep; I love it. (We all know I'm mean af, more likely to punch you in my sleep than be sweet). It's October 26th but it's really October 25th’s night, because I haven't been to sleep. My birthday was yesterday and we had cake. I'm laying in bed next to you thinking that there’s still cake in the fridge; funfetti, my favorite. I might go have a piece. I went to the gym at your urging; back when you were awake, but drowsy from the melatonin, and I was wearing the work out clothes mom got me as a gift, and still had my socks on because I wanted to go the gym, too. We had just gotten back from Whataburger; you missed a meal that day and had 1200 calories to spare (It’s the day I woke up at like 3pm and immediately made chicken teriyaki over rice; you went for a walk and I made my own teriyaki sauce, because the watery stuff in the fridge smelled off and I have standards. It was delicious. It's the day we took my car to Whataburger later, and I mentioned that it was odd I hadn't been to McDonald's on my birthday for once; you countered that you had offered, however jokingly. I kept joking that we should go to KFC because it was only 9:25, and surely KFC was still open, as though you hadn't spent the whole time we lay in bed discussing food looking up the calories for the specific meal you wanted. I had my hair in a ridiculous pebbles-style ponytail on top of my head, that I removed and smoothed out when we got inside. I was wearing a star wars jacket over my track suit hoodie over a tee shirt.) You gave me your drink cup so I could have two drink refills on the way home, and not have to choose. I filled my larger cup with lemonade-- shit, I brought it to bed with me about an hour ago but havent drank any; I just fucking realized lol-- and your smaller one with Dr. Pepper. It's still over there on my desk. You probably knew I wouldn't drink it but knew that the opportunity would make me happy anyway. We chilled in bed and I kept my socks on, for once, because I was determined to go to the gym, and you were determined to encourage me instead of enabling me to stay in bed. You're a lovely person that way. I did go to the gym, by the way, as I'm sure I'll tell you in the morning when you wake up (or at 3 o'clock in the evening, if that's when I wake up, if I fall asleep without meaning to). (You made jokes about the socks, but ten minutes into our blogging and chill, your foot brushed my leg in such a way that the hem of my pants rode up, and you touched bare flesh, and turned into Skeletor “Noooaa! What was that. Unexpected. Forbidden.”) It’s the day after my birthday but it’s also the first day I’m away at basic training, if tungle dot hellfire scheduled the post properly. (I swear to god, if it didnt... esp after all those tests I scheduled before I left.) (You just rolled over in your sleep to face me and your arm is pressed firm and soft to my elbow. For the first few seconds after the roll you snored softly through your nose-- very cute-- but now it's just little inhales and exhales. The forearm to my elbow is a very understated cuddle. I'm love him. You're so used to sleeping with me that you don't react or wake when I press close to you, you just accept it and sometimes nuzzle me. You'll hold my hand if I touch your fingers.) I am the most loved person in all the land, and right now I’m probably trying to remember that, shoved in a room with sixty people and no walls. (I keep remembering that this is public and then I'm like fuck it, a blog’s a blog; all the people here for my writing or the fandom stuff or the memes can deal with the lovey-dovey stuff and the waxing poetic about the minutiae of our lives. You're still tucked into my elbow breathing all cute and I'm still typing on my phone, which is on 26%; I should charge it but the charger sticks out the bottom in a way that makes it hard to rest the phone on my chest. It's a running joke now that I never keep my phone charged; that I only charge it when it's on 5%. Actually, at your urging-- though I laugh when you lean over me and hiss at the percentage, though we joke a lot about it-- I've started being more conscious of it, charging my phone before it needs it. Earlier today (the 25th) I put my phone on the charger when it was at 56%. I don't think I told you, but I know you'd be proud of me. (Earlier today I put my phone on the charger in preparation for going to the gym, and it was at 32%. I laid in bed with you to play on it and when it was at 39% you leaned over, already victorious, and said “oh? Only 39%? Put him on the charger!!!!” The exclamation marks are in italics to mimic the way you tapped it, rapidly, you know the motion. And I told you it was already charging and you were deeply shooketh, like I was an imposter. You squinted and said “well it's so small, how could I possibly see from here” in the Grinch voice, and rolled over dramatically; laughing, I chased you, and we cuddled some more. It was a lovely time.) It is (at the time you're reading this) the Tuesday I’ve officially had a “full day” at basic. I think. I probably had my first plane ride today, though if I've talked to you-- they let us make the “scripted” phone call on the first or second night-- it says “hello, I'm fine, I got here safe, he's a phone number to call in an emergency (red cross? Reddit said) and here's the address you write to”-- I only had like 30 seconds or so on the phone to choke all that out and an “I love you”. I couldn't tell you about my first plane ride. I could not tell you that “it wasn't actually as bad as anticipated, though you know I tear up when I get yelled at, so that's a thing.” According to the internet I probably sounded miserable; not because I was literally miserable but because hearing your voice probably made everything really sink in and i missed you. Also right now typing this i have like. A single manful movie tear rolling down the right cheek. Truly I am getting all up in my feelings-- but you're in an empty bed so you'd know, I guess. On the 26th, not Nov 6th, that is. I have no idea if I'm crying as you read this; but I'm a dramatic hoe so it's possible. I'm probably chanting to myself “It’s fine, it's whatever; play the game, don't stand out, go from meal to meal.” however, I have it from reliable sources (thanks reddit) that by the second or third week the yelling gets less yelling and you have the routine down. Then it's kind of like a hardcore summer camp. As I'm laying in bed it's hard to rationalize that I've only got 10 days with you left. A week and some change. The impulse to savor it is there but, also, I've literally got the rest of my life with you, so. I’m looking forward to the other side of basic, to how you can (apparently) have your dependents moved out to live with you if your stay at tech school will be longer than 6 weeks. And mine will, so. (If you're not in basic and I selfishly hope you're not, yet, you can come out there and I can spend my weekends with you, in our apartment with all of our stuff. I want lots of dice and candles. I want to just lay in bed and chill with you. “Cuddle” I want to cuddle but I keep remembering that this is public on my blog and everyone can see it. I wonder why cuddle sounds so weird when none of the other words do. I wonder how fast the first week will go if I keep focusing on “just wait until the next meal, just wait until the next meal.” I'm planning to go buy a book of stamps and some envelopes in the morning. Apparently one of the only joys of basic is hearing your name at mail call. I want you to write me so much, which is hard for you probably; but I want to hear about every little detail. You should print off the latest chapters of Yesterday Upon the Stair or Ashes of the Past if they update, stick those behind your letters. It would make a good distraction and only be a couple pages long. But how weird would it be that i wouldn't even care about them? Not weird at all. Its true that i would care about your letters more that the fanfic. That I just want to hear that you're safe and happy, that you've eaten-- tell me what you've eaten, tell me the calories, it'll reassure me and fill the pages-- tell me jokes and memes and manga spoilers for BNHA. Pass along news from-- or hell, even tell them my mailing address, it's not like it'll be secret-- the discord (kink thinktank or maybe the secret lounge, you know the one). I'm not picky. It will be neat not to be cut off from everybody, if they decide to write. Except tuva. @uintuva I love you but please god don't write to me, I told them I didn't have any foreign attachments when they asked. If anything, pass along a letter to Sach, or Dallas-- have them print it and send it to me; mention no countries. I'm laughing rn. I'll warn them that you'll post the address. If you post a letter every day, or every other day, even if they're short, I promise I'll appreciate them. They'll be like a lifeline to the outside world. They'll reassure me you're fine and assuage me that stress and worry. Please remember that I love you, even if I didn't get to tell you in the short phone call. I likely called you before the flight there. It hasn't even been a day since you've heard my voice. Hell, I forgot-- you and mom and the kids are coming to see me off. I probably saw you earlier today-- for you. It's still October 26 (25th) for me. You saw me this morning but now you're going to sleep without me; it probably doesn't feel weird unless you focus on it. I could be in the shower, or in the kitchen, or at the gym. I could be at Brittany’s house. It's okay to tell yourself these lies, or to imagine me there-- imagine me at my desk, maybe, since you go to bed so much earlier-- to make yourself feel better, to help you sleep. Or maybe it hadn't hit yet and you're fine-- that's fine too. Or maybe you'll be okay the whole time. You'll miss me, sure. But maybe you'll smile and wish me luck and go to sleep easy, because I'm getting what I wanted, according to plan. I hope you find the happy parts of your days-- laugh at the kids, at David, and Jesse-- and write down jokes to share with me before you forget. Don't feel guilty at all, because I don't want you to be sad. I love you. I'm going to try to be looking forward to stuff/focusing on the nice things-- I just snorted a little thinking of you going “whole bed to myself” in the silly smug voice; I can already tell that one is going to be what I imagine at basic, the one I'll remember and smile about. I hope you check your tag and see this, though I'm sure I'll tell you about it. Aren't I so clever, figuring out how to write you even if they don't let me write you? I also set posts to schedule, funny things I scrolled past. The usual things that fill your tag. This way you know I'm still thinking of you; it's funny because I always tag you in things, right now in October, because I want you to know I'm thinking of you. Because I see funny things and think “Dallas” and I want you to see them. I'm so glad the technology exists for me to make sure your tag has new stuff every night while I'm away. I'm going to spend the next ten days (from Oct 26) writing you letters and reminding you of things. (Earlier I told you that I love you, that I love how we talk to each other, that I love the way you joke and how, specifically, you choose to say things to me; that I love how my face fits into your shoulder or your face, that the terms you choose to use tickle me pink. I laugh all the time with you. I'm happiest right next to you. I want to be with you forever.) Oh and here is a reminder: I'm so proud of you for getting through the day. Goodbyes are hard, even when they're temporary. You're not fat and I love you. You could lose the weight you need to lose this month and I’d be happy for you; you could delete the app and gain twenty pounds and be my handsome military husband, and I’d be ecstatic. I love everything about you (freckles) and you can reread this as many times as you need to in the next few days. (Not that I'm saying you'll need to. You're very self sufficient. But if you do need the words, they're here, and there’s no shame in giving yourself what you need.) Day one is done and now I've got to get through the first week. The second will be easier and then, the third, routine. It'll be okay. Everything will be fine. I love you. I miss you. I'll be back before you know it. Please write. Even if it's just a single page with “the dankest of dank memes” on it in size bazillion handwriting. Even if it's unimportant. Especially if it's unimportant stuff. Go around and ask everyone to say one nice sentence to me. Write down the sentence. Now you've got a letter. Tell me about your thoughts and your day. Tell me (android 16 voice) you saw a bird and it was pretty.

#Dallas

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tellywoodtrash · 7 years

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ishqbaaz 08.09.17 lb

bhavya’s body mic ka controller is making her have an anaconda-like butt. (‘oh my god, look at her butt!’) 😆😆😆

my aesthetic: anika happily gazing at all the flowers, and billu happily staring at ANIKA. 😍😍😍

lmao the flower petals are getting all caught up in the vertical maze that is nakuul’s hair. time to go easy on the hair product and the sheer height of that thing man. AND FFS DYE IT BACK. I WANT TO CRY WHEN I SEE OLD GIFSETS WHEN YOU HAD NORMAL PPL HAIR. I HATE THE HIGHLIGHTS SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH. 😫😫😫😫

ok billu’s getting all romantic in front of everyone. these two have become THAT couple now. who just GIVE NO FUCKS anymore. 😶😶😶

lmaooooooooooo rudra is jelly that bhaiyya loves someone else more than him now. 😂😂😂

bhavya has imposter syndrome. 😥😥😥

what does pinky mean by “yeh phir yahan aa gayi”??? like... she’s been here for a really long time now? she lives here? this is her shaadi ka function? idgi. 🤔🤔🤔

siiiiiiiiiiiiigh, shivaaaaaay. you’re just making things awkward and ruining them for ANIKAAAAAA. 😐😐😐

but also, i feel for the poor billu. look how upset he looks. *pats his floofy hair.* 😢😢😢

omg bruhhhhhhhhhhh i just realised who nakuul’s hair is reminding me of 😯😯😯😯😯

THE HEIGHT. THE WEIRD COLOUR. HE EVEN HAS KANJI AANKHEIN. IT’S UNCANNY!!!!!!!!!!!

the oberois are so fucking rich. why can’t they just hire a damn photographer to take pics for their events? baat baat pe rudra ko photo khichwaane ke liye khada kar dete hai. that too with his shitty cellphone. 😒😒😒

aw man, i miss rikara in this family moment. esp. my bulllllbullllll. 😚😚😚

what is with these dangal people and being so extra in their dialogue delivery? 😒😒😒

WAIT WTF THEY’RE SETTING THE HOSPITAL ON FIRE?!?!!?!? WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK IS WRONG WITH YOU BALRAM 😟😟😟😟😟

ok seriously, balram and chele have taken acting lessons from some 80s ka B Grade bolly movie. itnaaaaaaaa ghatiya acting maine is show mein aaj tak nahi dekha. 😣😣😣

OUFFO OMKARA, NOT THE TIME FOR YOUR SHIVAAY WALA EGO TO JAAGOFY RN 😤😤😤😤

OMG IS THIS THE TIME TO ARGUE ABOUT WHO OWES WHOM HOW MUCH THE PLACE IS ON FIRE YOU FUCKING IDIOTS 😩😩😩😩

damnnnnn, bhavya looks really super duper pretty today. even though all angsty. 😍😍😍

ok too filmy with the flowers and shit. as usual fwding ruvya nonsense. ouff. 🙄🙄🙄

lmao anika is annoyingggggg shivaay by throwing flowers in his face. (which btw, is so me. why am i like this?)

lol what a baby. 😂😂😂

chase timeeeee. rudra and bhavya being literally used as shields. 😐😐😐

oh no she’s reaching for the shady thaal of yellow tulip petals. 😧😧😧

and straight to the face. RIP billu. 😶😶😶

shuru nakuul ki ‘i’m dying’ overacting. oufff. 😒😒😒

i hate when you’re sick or wounded or whatever and desis go like “KUCH NAHI HUA HAI, AAP BILKUL THEEK HAI!!!!!” to reassure you. like, bitch, speak for yourself, i’m fucking dying here. 😤😤😤

lmao the randommmmm guests. they’re like FINALLY, IT’S AN OBEROIIIIIIIII PARTY! ISI DRAME KE LIYE TOH HUM AAYE THE! WARNA KAUN AATA IS AADMI KE TEESRE SHAADI PE, THAT TOO TO THE SAME DAMN GIRL. 🙄🙄🙄

overacting to the maxxxxxxxxx and i think i know what’s coming based on what i spotted sticking out of his sherwani ka pocket. also family’s reactions, which are just toooo fuckin’ chill. 😒😒😒😒

YUP. KNEW IT. THIS FUCKING FUCKER. 😡😡😡

ha, my girl ain’t no kachchi khilaadi! pfffffffft, hoshiyaar se hoshiyaariiiii, billu? mehengi padegiiiiii.

lmaooooo *sobbing and sniffing* “main itni time se bolna chahti thi ki.... MAIN ITNI BADI PAPPU NAHI HOON SHIVAAY.” 😊😊😊

hahahaha his faaaaaaace. HER FACE. EVERYONE’S FACES.

fuckingggggg idiot. it’s a good thing anika is such a sport or i swear, i’d have climbed into the screen and dropkicked him in the face for ruining her day. 😒😒😒

fuck, she *is* upsettttttttt. that’s it. *starts crawling into the screen like samara from the ring, but ultaaaa* 😠😠😠

OUFF, WHY IS EVERYONE GANGING UP ON MY GIRL LIKE THIS? MAKE YA BOY SAY IT FIRST. 😤😤😤

security hai. acp hai. phir bhi jo chaahe aa jaa sakta hai. matlab..... 😑😑😑

meanwhile these two have just about made it out the damn burning hospital.

OH GOD SHE’S GOING BACK IN FOR THE MURTIIIIII ISN’T SHE 😧😧😧😧

aaaaaaaaand omkara’s fallen again. my god, isse naazuk character maine zindagi mein nahi dekha. his bones are literally made of glass, and his skin made of paper. jo bhi khaata hai, pura ka pura goes to his hair i think. 😣😣😣

LMAO TEJ AS PETER AS TEJ (idek what’s going on in that plot, so i’m guessing....) 😆😆😆

LOL RUDRA’S FAAAACE. 😂😂😂

lmaooooo shivaay’s confusedddddd af. 🤣🤣🤣

“itni baar repeat karoge toh peter se repeater ho jaaoge papa.” lololololol

LO, SVETLANA BHI AA GAYI. AB AAYEGA MAZAAAA!

LMAO AT THE EXPRESSION SHIVAAY JUST MADE HAHAHAHA 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

RUDRA IS ME. I AM HIM. 👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽

why’s bhavya so incensed? she doesn’t even know who svetlana is. 🤔🤔🤔

LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL EVERYONE’S FACES MAN

omg gauri you’re a fucking idiot. honestly. 😫😫😫😫

meanwhile omkara is cursing his naazukpan.

ok the vfx are hella bad and i can’t take this scene seriously at all. 😑😑😑

“peter peter nahi hai, peter papa hai. aur humein acting karni hai ki woh papa nahi, peter hai. main papa ko papa kaise naa bolun?”

all the awards to leenesh for executing this line with zero fumbles. wonder how many takes it took. 😅😅😅

what even is going on, can we just get married so we can sex already? should we just elope? 😐😐😐

hmmm, this conundrum might finally be interesting enough to make me stop thinking about MERA SHIVAAY for 5 whole seconds.

shivaay coming in with too much logic and rationality for jhanvi to handle. 😒😒😒

to hear jhanvi say the words “main tej se pyaar karti hoon” makes me want to rip my own skin off my body. 😬😬😬

rudra be like IMMA THROW SVETLANA OUT THE HOUSE RIGHT NOWWWWWWW

i love how now that shivaay’s calmed down to normal human levels of gussa and other negative emotions, the other two have cranked up theirrrr anger and extraaa levels to 300. never a moment of peace and quiet with this damn family. 🙄🙄🙄

“mom, woh dad ko blackmail kar rahi hai, ab aur isse zyaada mushkilein kya badhengi?”

when rudra is the sensible and sorted one in the conversation, you know the other person is properrrrrrr daft. 😐😐😐

ALL THE OBEROI MEN BE LIKE ALL THIS WOMANLY EMOTION IS TOO MUCH FOR US NOTHING MAKES SENSE

honestly, i’m on their team. jhanvi’s being a fucking idiot. as always.

ok bhavya, jhanvi jusssssssssst implied that svetlana has some proof of illegal shit tej did. and you’re still on team tej? 😐😐😐

anika, my pure angel, thinking about her otp rikara. 😭😭😭😭

shivaay be like YUS HE JUST STARTED SMILING AND MAAROFYING GHATIYA SHAYARI AGAIN I WILL NOT LET ANYTHING HAPPEN TO MY BABY BOY #PAPABEARAF 🐻🐻🐻

WOH DONO ZINDA BACHE TOHHHHHHHHHHHH 😫😫😫😫😫

ok the vfx of this scene are sooooo fucking bad and all this is just soooo extraaaaaaaaa, fwding till something good happens

oh bete ki, naazuKara uth gaya! 😯😯😯

ok it’s a tiiiiiiiiiiiny fucking plant, why are these two freaking out like this? just kick it out the way?!?! 😣😣😣

can this show just be 40 minutes of shivaay reacting to peter and making WTF??? side-eyes at everyone else? coz i am fucking loving it. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

aw. poor rudy boy. he’s always been the one closest to tej. 😔😔😔

minor aside: love shivaay’s soft but love-filled voice talking about his brothers. #myBoys 😭😭😭😭😘😘😘😘

snort, rudra’s face at him asking for chakna. 😂😂😂

lollll tejjjjj just called anika “fairy queen”! 😆😆😆

tej kabse itna sanskaari ho gaya, ki pair-wair chooone laga? 🤔🤔🤔

DADI BE LIKE THIS AINT MY SON THAT BOY HASN’T TOUCHED MY FEET IN OVER 50 YEARS OF HIS BEING ON THIS PLANET

WHAT, OMKARA, IS THIS REALLY NECESSARY? TUJHSE APNA HI WEIGHT UTHAAYA NAHI JAATA, AB ISKO BHI UTHAAYEGA??? 😣😣😣😣

WHY ARE THEY TREATING THIS TINYYYYYYY FUCKING POTTED PLANT LIKE A GIANT TREE!????!?!? 🤔🤔🤔🤔

lmaoooooooo balram, fucking give up already. 🙄🙄🙄

rudra is still hung up on this I WANNA CALL HIM PAPA NOT PETER nonsense. like... dude. 😒😒😒

aana kaaryathin eddekku chena kaaryam, amirite mallu brethren????? 🙄🙄🙄

for non mallus: basically translates to “talking about yams when we’re talking about elephants” i.e. focusing on nonsensical small things when there’s bigger matters at hand.

bachcha party forming mystery inc. like the old days. oh man i miss saumya. 😭😭😭😭

stop yelling attttt her omkaraaaaaaaaaa. 😩😩😩

“maine kahaaa tha na tumse, yeh murti tumse zyaada keemti nahi hai.” . . . . “tum bhi meri parivaar ka hissa ho.”

aaaaaand gauri’s turn to pass the fuck out. god these two really need to like... start taking vitamins and shit to boost their immune systems and strength. idk man. get on some kinda regimen. they’re altogether messed up from all the physical and emotional trauma they face on a weekly basis. 😕😕😕

for once i’m enjoying a ruvya scene. please just keep them in platonic/comedy scenes like these. it works soooo much better. 😌😌😌

and just as i said that, they ruined it by turning it romantic. fuck it. fuck it. fuckkkkkkkkk it. 😒😒😒

“maan na maan, main apne hi ghar mein mehmaan” snort. poor rudy. 😂😂😂

how this family puts up with rudra’s stupidity THIS EARLY IN THE MORNING is beyond me. matlab, sach mein. 🙄🙄🙄

shivaay looking at anika with sex eyes and telling bhavya “tumhe diversion chahiye na? diversion mil jayega. 😏😏😏😏”

me @ billu:

“bhaiyya saare function toh ho gaye.” “toh kya hua, ek aur kar lenge.”

THE OBEROI FAMILY MOTTO.

lo. billu ko toh bas bahaana chahiye chance maarne ke liye. 🙄🙄🙄

‘ugh. couples. so gross.’

rudra is me. i am rudra.

billu really gives zeeeeeeeeeeeeeeero fucks about who’s watching anymore. i’m telling you he’s fully willing to sex anika up right in front of svetlana “for the mission”. 😆😆😆

the face of a man who’ll stop at nothing.

SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT SVETLANA’S BIG SECRET ISSSSSSSS THIS TIMEEEEEEEEEEEE 😧😧😧😧

srsly, since when is tej so into family values???? 🙄🙄🙄

pft, he’s an idiot to focus on the key. it’s so obviously a red herring. it’s like he doesn’t knw her at allllllll!

tej is grade-A proof that intelligence isn’t sexually transmittable. 😐😐😐

WTF IS A LOVE-AKSHARI!?!?!!?!? 😒😒😒

JESUS CHRIST WHAT PAKAAU THAKELA AWAIIIII KE FUNCTIONS, LORD. WHERE ARE MY RIKARA?????? I’M SO SICK OF BILLU’S THIRSTY WAYS. 😣😣😣

#ishqbaaz #ishqbaaaz #ib episode liveblogs #episode liveblogs #080917 ib lb

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