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ask-koichi · 2 years

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hey there--decided to write another rant here bc my page is a little too shit-posty for stuff like this <3 hope this is okay!!

I hate Jotaro’s characterization. a lot.

He, as a character had potential beyond just being who he is: a badass. When I ask people what they think of jotaro, they tell me they think of a giant strong guy who doesnt take shit.

And that... Sucks.

With many shounen or even seinen manga, theres a weird caricaturing for badass characters like jotaro, and perhaps its because of the stigma behind ‘strong & manly’ men with emotions, but jotaro could have been a legendary and relatable character if only araki delved into his insecurities.

in the beginning as startdust crusaders we’re shown how jotaro is rude to his mother but when she doesnt kiss him one time he gets slightly worried--something that is the only profound scene regarding in their relationship.

(also i dont like at all the fact that holly put up w her son's shit. she is a person too, and it wouldve been nice if she physically stopped herself from touching/kissing him bc he's so explosive)

the reason he’s a bitch to his mother is not explored beyond puberty hitting him like a truck.

Like... thats it??

i know what ur probably thinking: huh?? and?? the focus of this part was just with the crew aiming to fight dio--

and thats when i say ur WRONG.

the entire beginning, the very base of this was because jotaro didnt want his mother to die, so i feel like it does matter to talk abt how poorly it was portrayed.

in 1988 of japan, lets say that there was a stigma for many things, and even taboos that still apply to this day in many countries, but the two main ones are: being fatherless, large, and having foreign blood/parent(s)

jotaro has blue eyes, jotaro was ‘fatherless’ at a young age, since his father is rarely ever around.

japan is known for its extreme bullying towards the nonconforming in both physical and mental aspects, search it up.

anyway, i feel like it would have been the best explanation for jotaro’s cold nature that developed at such a young age and how it effected the people around him because of the bullying he faced for having blue eyes or having an english woman as a mother, and so on.

it would have also explained why later on as he slightly matured he’d blame his mother and therefore be mean to her and call her rude shit--because he associated his mother to the bullies who mocked him for having a white mom--and also hate his father by extension bc he was labelled as ‘fatherless’.

he’d think that everyone is superficial and that intimidation is the best way to protect himself bc when he bulked up the boys stopped pestering him and the same girls who laughed at the sight of him being bullied now wanted to slip into his pants.

those insecurities would ten-fold maybe--was it just bc of his looks that ppl now like him? now that he’s grown, is he nothing beyond his looks?? does he, as a person, mean nothing to anyone?

is this why his mother is more withdrawn now--bc she realized this (’withdrawn’ being shes giving jotaro more space since hes always so grumpy, but he doesnt know this).

perhaps he couldve bonded with kakyoin beyond just sharing life and death experiences bc of similar school experiences--after all, its canon that kakyoin is suicidal, and maybe depression couldve been another topic explored--kakyoin is weirdly fierce for someone who is supposed to be a ‘weak/kindred soul’ as araki put it.

kakyoin has flaming red/pink hair--a major anomaly. he’s softspoken--yet another anomaly, since boys back then were supposed to be assertive.

it wouldve been cool to see them bond mutually from that--with kakyoin showing genuine interest in his input when he shows him his art, asks him for his opinion, and slowly as the 50 days progressed, he trusts kakyoin more than anything bc in anyones experience who’s faced similar experiences, once u open up enough to trust someone, u trust them completely.

same thing goes for the rest of the crew; theyre all strange, eccentric people and it would make sense that jotaro would embrace himself and those features he’s hated for all his life (the reason why he always wears his hat couldve been that it shadows over his eyes is to hide the ocean-blue hue of them)

back to his mom--yeah, he blames her, and the moment she gets sick, it worries him--a lot.

theres been moments in his life where he wishes she were dead, but when he saw her wilting on the ground, he fucking loses it.

reality crashes down him--it wouldve been profound if he only lost his shit in the beginning with only his mother and stayed calm and cool later on in the story. maybe after kakyoin is killed, he couldve really lost his shit if his relationship developed a ton--maybe he even admitted to him in one scene that he’d love to go to his favorite coffee shop with kakyoin and show him the places he loiters around (places that seem so bright now that the thought of kakyoin, his first real friend, would check out) bc after all, even if joot is built like an ox, he’s still a kid.

so, it wouldve been cool that the moment he finds out that kakyoin was killed, he fucking loses it--and this time, now that his stand in his complete control and he’s matured and learned from all his fights, he’s absolutely terrifying in his own way.

he doesnt lash out and freak out the way he did with his mother, but this time, the way he reacts here in his confrontation w dio was the same, if not worse way in part 4 when he destroys kira while he faced a ptsd episode (kudos to araki for throwing that scene in btw)

he doesnt respond to any of dio’s taunts and hits him with dirty moves--AND OMG... I FORGOT IF THIS HAPPENED CANONICALLY SO FORGIVE ME IF IT DID BUT IMAGINE IF HE FINISHES OFF DIO THE SAME WAY DIO KILLED KAKYOIN--WITH A GIANT HOLE IN HIS STOMACH???

AND HE JUST STANDS THERE, HOVERING OVER DIO, WITH THAT DEAD + ANGRY LOOK IN HIS EYES, and lets pretend that joseph is okay here, he needs to pull jotaro physically away from dio’s body bc jotaro just continues to beat his body to a bloody pulp and starts sobbing.

jotaro is a human, 17 year old boy who had no friends up until now. jotaro yearns normalcy--something that had seemed so out of reach till he became fast friends w kakyoin--kakyoin, who was the same person who complimented his eyes when his hat was off, the same person who had his back in fights and was so damn kind, and all of that was ripped away so suddenly.

part 3 ends with jotaro being weirdly kind to his mother--she reminded him a little of kakyoin, and tries his best to keep his emotions in check and not lash out on her.

the last panel is of jotaro, a large, strong guy hunched over his desk with his phone loose in his hand, and a message was sent to kakyoin where it says:

"where are you? didnt you want to taste that cherry cheesecake i told you about?"

LIKE IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR?? NOT A GLORIFIED 17 Y/O WHO CALLS HIS MOM A BITCH AND IS SUPER STRONG PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY??? LIKE???

JOTARO IS THE DEFINITION IS PHYSICALLY STRONG BUT MENTALLY STRUGGLING... he suffers to make any real connection throughout the entire series except for koichi bc i think he reminds him of kakyoin and then his daughter (to the people who’ve read part six: you know.)

HE WOULDVE BEEN SUCH A WELL WRITTEN CHARACTER--I BARELY TOUCHED THE ICEBERG BC THERE WAS SO MANY ROUTES ARAKI COULDA TAKEN WITH HIM BUT THIS IS WHAT WE GOT........

(omg sorry this is so long, i just feel like araki really fucked up w his earlier characters!!! i hope my ramble makes sense ;-;)

OOC; God fuck, I can't even type out a response to this. I tried for weeks, but I wasn't able to. But I agree so fucking hard. I love you man- like, I never met people who actually thought this way, all the jobros... ya know?

#jotaro kujo #jjba #jojos bizarre adventure #kakyoin noriaki #stardust crusaders #dio brando #DIO

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meltwonu · 4 years

Text

| 🍒 CH-CH-CHERRY BOMB! 🍒 | [CHAPTER 7]

pairing; dom!seungcheol x camgirl!reader

this chapter’s notes; camshow, fingering, daddy!kink, dirty talk, ‘cuz you can touch touch me~ 😏 ur gonna need to imagine headband/bandana wearing left&right cheol for this cuz that’s the fantasy i was imagining for this chapter the entire time i was writing it hehe 🍒 quick apologies to anyone who thinks this is moving a little slow 😩 I literally don’t know how to shut up and I end up writing too much LMAO and as always, thank you for the continued interest! Have a great weekend bbys! 💕

chapters; 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - ?

dom.cheol has donated $400

therealchan99: yea this is about right on course

dom.cheol: what, did u miss me? 😏

gentleman_josh95: loosely

chwenon: more like the obscenely large donations were missing lolol

You jokingly roll your eyes, exhaling deeply as you push your toys off to the side of the bed. You’d just finished your Saturday show without a hitch, albeit feeling a little lonely. “Aww, c’mon you guys! Don’t tease~” Glancing around the room, it did feel a little odd to you now that Seungcheol wasn’t there but he had called earlier in the day and told you that it might’ve been better if he stayed back.

In truth, you understood exactly how he felt.

Part of you was ready to throw all caution out of the window when it came to Seungcheol and he felt it too. But at the same time, you knew it wouldn’t be that easy and that there were still things that the two of you needed to discuss before deep diving into intimacy, especially when it came to powerplay.

kitty_junjun: hey dont take this in a weird way but like

kitty_junjun: i feel like i saw u earlier today…

universe_WZ: ooo i never thought abt that before

sleepy_wonu has donated $75

xcaliburDK: have ppl recognized u irl before? :o

dom.cheol: i feel like i might’ve seen u irl before too…

Your cheeks bloom a hot pink; a nervous giggle on your lips. “Oh! I mean, yeah, there’s been a handful of times. I’ll wear wigs out sometimes though. Can’t have people calling me out in a grocery store, y’know?”

kitty_junjun: wait so maybe i did see u? I dont wanna give out locations tho…

“Maybe! I’m still out on my little weekend trip and I was out and about earlier~ if you see me next time, don’t hesitate to say hi! I promise I don’t bite~” You pause, leaning closer into the webcam as you wink.

“Unless you want me to~”

You start running a bath right after you end your show, stretching and turning on some music as you start to unwind. Thankfully you didn’t have a tiring show today, so you decided to take the rest of the night to pamper yourself in preparation for your day with Seungcheol.

Biting your lip, you pick up your phone, already seeing a multitude of messages from Seungcheol on your lockscreen.

cheollie ✨: don’t forget ur glass of water!

cheollie ✨: also don’t forget i’m picking you up at 9:30am

cheollie ✨: hope ur ready to spend all day at the roller rink with me baby

You can’t help but grin, already excited to see how Seungcheol spent his day at work. Typing a response, you quickly hit send before setting your phone down onto the nightstand and making your way to the bathroom.

‘I can’t wait! I’m so excited~ u promised me free skates and free food so don’t forget!!’

It’s exactly 9:29AM when Seungcheol messages you that he’s downstairs.

You check yourself in the mirror one last time, smoothing down your dress and hair and grabbing your bag before you rush down to meet Seungcheol.

There’s a mild feeling of nervousness that pours over you, but you quickly shake it off once you see his blue headed figure standing outside of the lobby.

“‘Cheollie!”

He turns around to face you just as you stop in your tracks; gasping when you see the cute way he’s styled his hair for today. “Whoa… wow, uh, j-just.. Wow. You look great in bandanas...”

Seungcheol laughs, eyes forming crescents. “I don’t usually work the weekends so I thought I’d spice it up a little. Guess it looks good?” You can only nod shakily, mentally cursing yourself when you feel the arousal already pooling inside your body. He winks at you once, opening the passenger’s side door as you slide into his car.

“Hope you’re ready to have a boring day at the roller rink with me.” He gives you a tight lipped smile, shutting your door before he rounds the car to get in on the driver’s side.

“I’m telling you, it’s not going to be… y’know, anything crazy.”

“Who says it has to be! I’m excited to see where you work and anyway you promised!” You tease, poking him in the arm as he starts the car. “I know, I know… I just---I don’t want you to be disappointed. I bet you thought I was some rich old hotshot before, huh?” Seungcheol shoots you a glance, smiling gently.

“Mmm.. not really.”

“No? You didn’t think I was some lonely CEO with loads of money with a thing for camgirls?”

You laugh at his response, placing your hand over his on the gear shift.

“Nah, if there’s anything I thought about you, it was that you were way too nice to be on some camming website.”

The two of you have idle conversation as Seungcheol takes his time to drive to the roller rink. In all honesty, he was a little nervous himself, although he’d never say it to your face.

“Oh my god, is that it?! It’s so cute!”

He parks close to the entrance, turning the car off as he jogs over to your side to help you out. “‘Cheol, you know you don’t have to be so sweet~” You pout, latching onto his arm as he locks the car.

“Oh but I do. You deserve to be spoiled once in a while!”

A blush coats your cheeks yet again, shy eyes fixated on the floor as he walks you towards the entrance. “Yeah, but all you ever do is spoil me… That sybian was no joke and my god, Seungcheol, the price! I almost had half a mind to return it…” You end in a mumble. Seungcheol laughs, opening the door for you as you unlatch from his arm and step in first.

“You’re worth spoiling. Now stop worrying, okay? I promise I’m not up to anything illegal in order to afford your gifts.” Giggling, you lean up to kiss him on the cheek, nodding firmly.

“Fiiiiine, I trust you, y’know?”

“I know, baby. I trust you too, now let’s go meet my best friend who’s going to play butler for you today.”

He leads you over to the concession stand where an equally tall yet bored male stands. “Hey, Jeongguk!” The said male looks up from his phone, eyebrow quirking when the two of you walk up. “Uh, hey Seungcheol-hyung…” Seungcheol feels a weird tenseness fall over the three of you, clearing his throat to get Jeongguk’s attention when he finds the younger male staring.

“Um, this is my friend. She’s---uh, she’s gonna be hanging out here for the rest of the day. I promised her that you’d give her free food, so uh, just--just let me know how much it is so I can tell Namjoon to take it out of my paycheck.” Jeongguk grins, a sly look in his eyes when he finally meets Seungcheol’s concerned eyes.

“Sure! Can I talk to you over there? It’s about our paychecks actually.” Jeongguk turns to you, leaning over the counter. “Sorry, employee only info, ch--uuuuuh, you know the deal.”

“Yeah, of course!”

Jeongguk points off to the side, gesturing to Seungcheol who follows suit.

The younger male makes sure they’re a safe distance away, watching as you pluck your phone out of your purse before he starts talking in harsh whispers. “What the fuck, dude!? You’re---no, you’re not fucking Cherry. She doesn’t have a boyfriend so what the fuck?”

The blood drains from Seungcheol’s face; the feeling in his fingers going numb as his throat goes dry. “Wuh--what? What are you---what are you talking about?” Jeongguk scoffs, eyes rolling jokingly.

“So, hyung, how do you know her?”

“You’re asking me?! How do you know her!?” Seungcheol’s eye twitches just as Jeongguk shoots him an incredulous look, arms crossed in mock annoyance. “I’m a horny boy, what can I say.”

“Please do not ever use those words to describe yourself again.”

The younger male stands in silence, nodding in thought.

“Fuck, wow, I should’ve noticed. All those extra shifts you were taking, the reason why you could never come hang… You don’t like working here as much as Yoongi-hyung but you--holy---holy shit, wait--you… you can’t be…”

Fuck, here it comes.

“You’re fucking ‘dom.cheol’ aren’t you? You’re the one always leaving her insane fuckin’ donations all the time… and the gifts.. Oh my god. The ‘cheol’ was from Seungcheol, I should’ve known...”

Seungcheol dies a million deaths inside his head; the ringing in his ears becoming unbearable while Jeongguk stares at him in mild disbelief. “It all clocks out, holy fuck. No wonder you were so fucking eager to pick up so many extra shifts…” Seungcheol’s mouth opens and closes a few times, unsure what to say.

“I mean, fuck hyung, I--I’m kind of impressed but wow. You think you know a guy, huh?” Jeongguk laughs, patting the older male on the shoulder. “She’s only one of the hottest camgirls out there right now. You’re a lucky man, hyung.”

A weird possessiveness washes over Seungcheol, hands gently balling up into fists at his side. “Okay, well, she… she’s just here to chill, alright? Don’t do anything weird. And most of all, don’t say anything weird either.” The younger male nods, already walking back to where you were standing.

“Hey, sorry, hyung’s paycheck is gonna be pretty sad next week and I had to let him down gently. Anyway, I’m Jeongguk. You are?”

You give him a fake name; shaking his hand over the counter as he grins at you.

“It’s my pleasure.”

You spend the first two hours on the floor skating; catching Seungcheol’s eyes on you from time to time as he sits nearby cleaning skates. The place seemed pretty empty, which was something that Seungcheol was immensely glad for.

Eventually you skate off out of the rink, making your way to Seungcheol who smiles at you when you come sit next to him. “Told you. Bored already, huh?” The two of you share a laugh, watching as the few other people continue to skate around the rink.

“I mean… it’s different! Right about now I’d usually be six episodes into a new series or something… It’s nice to be somewhere else and doing something different.”

He nods in return, slightly pouting when he turns to face you. “I hate that you have to go home tonight.” You mirror his sentiments, lips quirking into a sad smile.

“I know… I don’t wanna go home…”

Seungcheol bites the inside of his cheek, eyes flitting over to Jeongguk. “Hey, maybe we can bail a little early. This place is pretty dead anyway, and I--I can have Jeongguk clock me out when he leaves. My shift is supposed to end at 3PM and it’s noon now so… We can leave in a hour? Maybe get a late lunch?”

“Seungcheol… I don’t want you to get in trouble…” You mumble, brows furrowing in concern. “Really, it’s okay! We can just hang here ‘til then and still have time to get dinner!” He sighs, knowing you were right. Now was not the right time to be testing the waters with Jeongguk and Namjoon.

“Okay, okay, you win, baby.”

It takes 45 minutes.

45 minutes and a free drink from the concession stand before your mind starts wandering.

You watch Seungcheol converse with Jeongguk behind the concession stand; his cute laugh sending you into orbit when your eyes meet and you can’t stop the thrums of lust pouring over your body when a certain idea pops into your head.

Seungcheol turns his attention back to the younger male and you quickly start to unlace your skates and put your normal shoes back on before Seungcheol’s entire break gets taken up.

You walk up to the two; Seungcheol cleaning off his hands before he exits from behind the counter.

“Seungcheol…” You softly call out; a look of concern crossing his features when he stops in front of you. “Hey, is everything okay?”

“Yeah, mmhmm! I just--I need to talk to you, if that’s okay?” Jeongguk already turns to leave, wiggling his eyebrows at you.

You drag Seungcheol away, tugging him towards an even emptier part of the roller rink as the concern builds up inside of him. “I have an idea.” He feels himself gulp, already anticipating what you have to say.

“And…?”

“Well… It’s… It won’t t-take long I don’t think, just… hear me out?” You question gently, head tilting cutely up at Seungcheol who already knows he can’t say no to you. “Okay, shoot.”

“Wh--what if we… film a small POV v-video… like, not a live one! Just a small upload on my channel to test the waters maybe? I just---you don’t have to say anything and--and it’ll be quick, and--and like, nothing major just a little, um, f-fingering and--oh my god, sorry, I shouldn’t have a-asked, that’s just---I’m s-sorry I was thinking about it and it kinda got to me and I’m---I’m kinda already wet just thinking about it and--”

“No, let’s… let’s do it. To be fair, people seem to like risqué public things like that right?” A crimson blush falls on Seungcheol’s cheeks as he turns the tables, wrapping a hand around your wrist as he walks you to the employee restroom. “It’s… there shouldn’t be anyone in here so we should be safe.” He mutters, checking to make sure before he ushers you inside and locks the door behind him.

“I don’t know what to do so you’ll have to guide me a little here, baby.”

You nod, pulling your phone out and opening the camera app. Scrolling, you put it in video mode, clicking the red button before passing it to Seungcheol. “I’ve never done it either but I’m sure I can just… crop it and I m-mean it’s meant to be a little shoddy, right?” You giggle nervously, body already on fire when Seungcheol makes the camera face you. “You don’t have to say anything if you’re not comfortable with your voice being in the video, I just need… this.”

You reach for his free hand, playing with it as you run your fingertips across the veins. “I’m sorry, daddy… I just… I couldn’t help but think about your fingers inside my tight pussy...” Seungcheol almost loses his grip on your phone; palm clammy when he watches as you bring his hand underneath your short dress.

“Please… please, won’t daddy fuck me with his fingers? I promise I’ll be good for the rest of the day if he lets me cum on his fingers…” You whine.

Seungcheol isn’t ready to have his voice heard yet, so he nods, fingers twitching in your hold.

You take this as an okay to continue, dragging his hand up until his knuckles graze your panties. “O-oh, fuck…”

This time Seungcheol takes the lead; his own body ablaze when he can already feel your wetness soaking through your panties. He presses into it, digging his fingers into the wet material until it sticks to you like a second skin. “D-daddy, please, please, put them inside, I need it!!” You mewl, trying to keep your voice down as much as possible while still being audible enough on camera.

He shoots you a look; one that tells you to hike your dress up until your soaking panties are seen through the camera lens. And you easily follow, holding your dress up as Seungcheol drops to his knees, angling the camera upwards until only his fingers and your clothed pussy are in view. You spread your legs a little more, back resting on the wall behind you.

“Please, I can’t wait any longer…”

He gulps once, saying a prayer before he slowly pushes your panties to the side. And you all but lose any semblance of sanity the second he runs his fingertips through your wetness, pussy clenching around emptiness. “Fuck--fuck me, please!”

Once Seungcheol deems his fingers wet enough, his eyes meet yours, asking for silent consent before he makes any further moves. You nod frantically, fingers gripping the material of your dress tightly.

Seungcheol bites his lip the second he starts sinking his first finger into your tight warmth; already feeling the drool pooling in his mouth when you moan loudly. He starts a slow pace, mentally noting just how obscenely wet you are when he drags his finger out slowly. “Ngh, daddy m-more, please, I can take it, I wanna be f-full~” He gives it a few more thrusts of his index finger before he adds his middle finger; this time slowly sinking both digits into your pussy as you whimper above him.

His eyes flit up, mesmerized when he sees your face contort in bliss. “O-oh my god, I’m--I’m already so close… Daddy’s fingers are so much bigger and thicker than mine, it fuh--feels so good…” You mutter; squirming when Seungcheol doesn’t move.

And it takes him a second; too fixated on the way your tight walls only seem to suck his fingers in deeper.

But he starts a moderate pace, scissoring and curling his fingers inside of you until you’re reduced to whines and soft breathy moans.

He can already feel you getting tighter around his fingers after a few more minutes; doubling his pace when you start to beg.

“Oh my god, oh my god, ‘m so close, fuck! P-please touch my clit, daddy, please make m-me c--cum!”

Seungcheol feels his cock throbbing in his pants but he focuses on you, thumb immediately on your clit as he rubs harsh and quick circles on the swollen nub. He doesn’t know how much time has passed or if his break is over, but the look of absolute pleasure on your face is enough to make him not care.

He curls his fingers into your g-spot, holding them still as he continuously rubs your clit until you’re cumming; thighs shaking as you let out shaky breaths above him.

“Oh m-my god, daddy!” You mumble in a hurried frenzy, thighs clamping around his hand between your legs as the pleasure washes over you.

Seungcheol lets you ride out your high, gently wiggling his fingers inside of you as he starts to slow down.

“Mmh… Seungcheol…”

Oh fuck.

He definitely liked it when you moaned his name.

“Y-yes…?” It’s his cue to turn off the camera, shaky finger pressing the ‘stop’ button. He gently slides his fingers out of you, muttering an apology when you wince.

“You don’t have to say sorry! It’s just… ‘m sensitive…” You mewl, already missing the feeling of his fingers inside of you. “Y-yeah, of course! I, um, I hope that was okay? I’ll give you a second to get cleaned up, I’ll uh, run and get you some water.”

You nod in response, thanking him before he quickly washes off his hands and bolts out of the restroom; ears and cheeks redder than a tomato.

Once you’re alone, you quickly open your camera roll, clicking on the video as you hurriedly crop out the beginning and end, making sure that the short video didn’t have any incriminating details before you open up your camming homepage.

There’s a moment of unsureness that makes you pause. You bite the inside of your cheek, weighing the potential outcomes of posting this to your page.

But before you can change your mind, you quickly start the upload; adding a title and a short description before you lock your phone to let it process.

In the meantime, you get cleaned up, checking your appearance in the mirror once before picking up your phone again. Unlocking it, you find the upload has finished and you exhale sharply, publishing the video before locking the device again.

You move to exit the restroom, already finding Seungcheol holding a bottle of water on the other side.

“Oh, there you are! Everything okay?”

“Mmhmm! I uploaded the video before I could change my mind so I’m a little nervous…” You trail off, accepting the bottle that Seungcheol passes you.

“Well, the good news is, we’re bailing, now. I told ‘Guk to clock me out so we should get out of here so I can get your mind off of that.”

He shoots you a genuine smile, offering his hand which you take.

“Let’s fuckin’ get some ice cream, I think we deserve it.”

Seungcheol takes you on a scenic drive, taking you to an ice cream shop further away from town.

The two of you sit down in a booth towards the back of the shop and he helps clear your head, talking about various topics to keep your mind off of the huge risk you’d just taken.

“Anyway, that’s one of the reasons why I’m never bar-hopping with ‘Guk again. He’s got no limit, nobody can keep up and nobody wants to keep paying the uber fees.” You laugh as Seungcheol finishes his story, taking a sip of your milkshake.

You can’t help but sigh after a few seconds, pouting at Seungcheol who blinks questioningly at you. “‘Cheollie, I don’t wanna go home…” He stares back, unsure of what to say. A million different thoughts run through his mind in the split second before he opens his mouth.

“Why don’t you stay with me for a couple more days?”

Seungcheol doesn’t understand the gravity of his words until they spill out of his mouth; a panicked look on his face when you go completely silent in the seat across from him. “I m-mean, uh, I mean, like, fuck. I’m sorry, that must’ve been way too out of bounds. I just---it’s just, you don’t want to go home and---and I can take care of you while you’re here! Even if it’s just a couple days. I can help you film too!” He curses himself for rambling; immediately shutting himself up.

“I--I don’t want to bother you, ‘Cheol… That’s really too kind of you…” A shy blush coats your skin; chewing on your bottom lip when you shyly avoid his gaze. “A-and my filming stuff is back home too… I brought a few toys with me so I could film my weekend shows but--but my camera…”

“I can ask Jeongguk!”

You shoot him a bewildered look, brow quirking. “He--he streams sometimes too, like, video games ‘n shit. He actually offered me his extra equipment a while back, if I ever wanted to get into it myself. I can ask to borrow it, if you want?”

You drink in his words, unsure. The thought of staying with Cheol might’ve danced across your mind a handful of times, but now that the offer was on the table, you weren’t sure how to respond.

You trusted Seungcheol, and you knew by now that he would never do anything to hurt or betray you. But this was a far leap from how things were the last time you’d seen him.

“Listen, I can see the cogs in your head turning, baby. You don’t have to if you don’t want to, I’m not forcing your hand into anything you don’t want. But I know you’ve been wanting to get out a ‘lil more and… well, in truth, I think it’d be nice for both of us? I can take care of you while you’re here with me and we can keep each other company.” He pauses, smiling at you from across the booth. “But I can also take you back to your hotel room and let you pack so you don’t get home too late.”

“‘Cheol I trust you.. It’s just that… I’m s-scared…”

“Scared? Of what, baby?”

The warmth blooms inside of you; shy eyes meeting his.

“Scared that I’m not gonna wanna go home…”

Seungcheol takes it easy for the rest of the day and doesn’t make an effort to get an answer out of you. He takes you around the city, tugging you into shops he thinks you’d like and walking around with you aimlessly until the sun goes down.

But time seems to go even faster once he takes you to dinner; a sigh on his lips when he knows he has to bring the topic back up.

“I hate to ask but… I have to take you back to your hotel after this so…” Seungcheol trails off, leaving it open-ended for you.

“I know… I just want to know… Why do you like me so much?”

The question takes Seungcheol by surprise; eyes wide as saucers. “I--I’m sorry I don’t follow?” You chuckle under your breath, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

“It’s just… we were strangers, kind of, before Friday, you know what I mean? And now you’re offering your place to me to just… crash at for a few days? What if I rob you blind? Or what--what if you try something with me that I don’t like?” You suddenly start catastrophizing; mind going a mile a minute with potential outcomes.

“Hey, whoa, whoa, wait. Calm down, sweetheart. It’s okay! Breathe!” You let out a shaky exhale, groaning as you hide your face in your palms. “God, ‘Cheol, ‘m sorry, I--I really want to stay with you for a few days. It’s just that my brain is going light speed and I can’t keep up. I really like you too, you’ve been nothing but kind and sweet and you’re so handsome, it’s just so crazy to me...” Your words are slightly muffled but Seungcheol catches it, a soft chuckle on his lips when he leans his head on his palm.

“I’ll sleep on the sofa and leave you alone. You can take the bed. Hell, you can even rob me blind and I’d say thank you.”

He reaches his free hand over, fingers circling your wrist as he pulls your hand down. “And I’m offering you my place because I like you as you. You’re cute and funny, and so fuckin’ humble. And I want to get to know you better. In person, y’know?”

“Y-yeah… I wanna get to know you better too. And it’s only a couple days right?”

“Right.”

Seungcheol drives you back to your hotel, a smile on his face when he sees you in better spirits.

He parks his car in front, turning to face you. “So I’ll just wait here while you grab your things and check out, okay? I’ll contact ‘Guk to see if I can swing by and take that extra equipment he offered.”

This time you nod cheerily, body buzzing with excitement as you hurriedly step out of his car. “I’ll be quick!”

He gives it a moment before he picks his phone up, taking a deep breath before typing out a message to the younger male.

‘Hey, ‘Guk I have a favour. Get back to me asap if u can.’

Jeon 🥴 : bold of u to msg me…

Confusion crosses Seungcheol’s features; fingers hovering over the keyboard. ‘What are you talking about?’

Jeongguk takes a second to send a screenshot, Seungcheol’s cheeks burning a crimson colour when he sees the content.

Jeon 🥴: it’s the employee restroom for me.

Jeon 🥴: bruh it’s also the fuckin way i knew it was u before i even played the video… fuck man is that why u too so long on ur break? u do kno u went over right, I clocked it cuz i was expecting u to come back sooner

Jeon 🥴: for the rec im not mad, actually im impressed just cant believe this is u

Seungcheol ignores Jeongguk’s messages, instead opening the screenshot again and re-reading the video title.

‘I was so needy… 🥺 so I asked daddy to finger me in public…’

Jeon 🥴: bitch i kno ur reading this im dropping the hyung bc u kept this from me!!

Jeon 🥴: after i even offered u my extra camming stuff u were already doing it behind my back…

Seungcheol rolls his eyes at the younger male’s dramatic nature, fingers quickly swiping across the keyboard.

‘Alright, I’m sorry okay? I just didn’t think my online habits needed to be public knowledge and for the record, that was the first time I’ve ever done anything like that. I promise no more secrets, unless absolutely necessary. And also speaking of that extra equipment, can I swing by and grab it from your place?’

Jeon 🥴: r u gonna cam now? u got one sip of the devils juice and now ur all in?

‘Would u stop being dramatic oh my god. It’s not for me, it’s for ‘cherry’. She’s going to be staying with me for a few days and I fully expect you to keep your mouth shut on this.’

Seungcheol grimaces when he calls you by your online handle; already feeling unfamiliar with it.

Jeon 🥴: o i c. sure, u can come pick it up, simp. I’ll make sure she’s got all the necessary things before u get here and u owe me one!! i fully expect u to come stream with me at least once for keeping ur secrets

‘It’s a deal. I’ll be there in an hour and a half.’

A sigh escapes Seungcheol’s lips, his eyes dancing over to your figure that skips towards the car. He locks his phone just as you tap on the glass, popping the trunk before he steps out.

“How’d it go? All checked out?”

“Mmhmm! Did you get in contact with Jeongguk? What’d he say?”

A nervous laugh spills from his lips as he puts your small luggage in the trunk, slamming it shut before rounding the car to open your door. “I’ll help you get settled in at my place and then I’ll drive over really quick and grab the stuff from his place.”

You hop in his car, fiddling with the seatbelt until Seungcheol slides into the driver’s seat.

“He didn’t ask what you needed it for?” Gulp. Shit.

“I just told him that I was thinking about streaming, for--for gaming stuff. He was okay with it.”

He’d tell you the truth. Soon, he promises.

No. Now.

Seungcheol sighs, hands on the wheel as he stares straight ahead. “No, no, I--I can’t sit here and lie to you. Jeongguk knows you. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you earlier, I told him to keep his mouth shut because I didn’t want him to bother you while we were at the roller rink.”

“I--oh…”

He can only nod; eyes dancing over to you as you play with the hem of your dress. “Yeah, I--I’m really sorry. He--He also found out I was ‘dom.cheol’ too and, fuck, I--I don’t know, I kind of panicked too. I hid that part of me from everyone I know so it was just�� it was a lot.”

You meet his sad eyes, shooting him a small smile of your own. “It’s okay! It’s a little funny that happens right after that ‘kitty_junjun’ says he saw me in person too, huh? I mean, thanks for trying to protect me at least. It must’ve been weird for you too.”

“Yeah… If you’re not comfortable anymore, I… I’d understand too.” Seungcheol prepares himself for the worst, knowing that there was a chance that this was goodbye.

“Are you kidding! What’s one person gonna do? And you said he’s your best friend and you trust him… I’ll have to take a leap of faith on that one but… I trust you.”

You lean over the center console, kissing him on the cheek. “And anyway, as long as he’s not one of those weirdos asking for ‘favours’, I think we’re in the clear, right?”

Seungcheol grimaces; as long as it’s from me and not you, he thinks.

#cherrybomb!cheol #seungcheol smut #scoups smut #seventeen smut #svt smut #scoups scenarios #scoups imagines #seungcheol imagines #seungcheol scenarios #seventeen scenarios #seventeen imagines #svt imagines #svt scenarios #scoups #seungcheol

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fairycosmos · 3 years

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i hate grief bc i've wanted to die my whole life and thinking about the person i lost never wanted to make me stay but now that they are the ones who died i'm angry as fuck every day and feel trapped but i know that if it had been me the one to die it would have been ok and i wouldnt even have worried about it/hurting ppl with my death. like every day i do H and get drunk and i dont care about dying you know? but i lost someone and it makes me angry that THEY didnt care. do you get what i mean?

i am really really sorry for your loss. yeah. i know what you mean, at least to an extent. everyone’s grief and suffering is unique to them and the relationship they had with the one who passed, but i can relate so much to being trapped and mad and out of my mind. i think a lot of people can. it seems like so many of us are walking around half disillusioned by this existence and half completely done with it because of the shit we’ve been through. every day i feel a form of anger (most of the time it is cold and numbing) when i think about how my sister died. i have gone round and round in my head about why she did the things she did. because even if it wasn’t fully preventable, it wasn’t cancer or a car crash or anything like that. when i found out what she had in her system. god. i can not explain to you what that moment was like. it fucking choked me. all i remember is i felt my heart beating somewhere in my head, and i was PISSED. i thought i was going to pass out. because it’s like you said - she didn’t care, and that was almost like proof. she went to sleep thinking nothing of anything. mindless. after weeks of lecturing her, after her constant presence in my life, all that time. after years of her fucking around w other drugs and finally finding stability only to slip for less than a month bc of some fucking man, only to lose her entire life to a mistake - it’s inexplicable. i can sit here and write to you about it but i still cant’t fathom it. how she didn’t give a fuck, or she couldn’t see the situation clearly enough to. and now i’m living this forever without her. now i have to take care of my mother alone. now i’ve lost my best friend. and she lost everything. she was a whole person, she would’ve had years left and she deserved to. and the only reason she didn’t is because she couldn’t fuckin accept how much she was worth, how much life was worth so she gambled w death. what i’m saying is i understand that in a way, maybe a selfish way, i don’t know - it almost feels mocking. because we’ll never know if they realize what they’ve done. after she died that’s all i could repeat out loud in the shower. i kept saying: you don’t know what you’ve done. idiot, stupid girl. shit like that. every time i tried to talk to her, it was a lecture. so yeah. it is very very normal to be pissed off and bitter dude. it is not easy or fair to be left behind. it’s all a normal part of grief. losing it entirely is the whole thing because honestly what else can you do.

i could be wrong but. unfortunately i think all of these emotions, in the context of you, stem from the fact that it is easier to care for others than it is to care about yourself. you’re not bothered about yourself dying because you don’t have the same love for yourself that you had for the one who passed. you don’t see yourself as important in that way. i don’t know what happened to make you feel like that. maybe whatever it was lead you to use drugs n alcohol to escape in the first place. maybe you think you not mattering is some sort of universal truth, but it’s not. it’s a belief you constructed either out of pain or as a trauma response that you’ve clung onto so much that you’ve convinced yourself it’s reality. it’s clear you’re going through an insurmountably difficult time, and i know words on a screen aren’t going to change that. i wont pretend to get it first hand. i just want you to know that the same way you wish your friend had realized the worth in their life before it was too late, that same anger born from frustration and sadness - that’s how a lot of people likely feel about you. and i know you don’t care about hurting them w your death because you don’t care about anything. your friend didn’t care, why should you, right? but that’s how the cycle perpetuates. and you’re the one who has to live with this all now, stuck here or not. try to periodically and consciously recognize how fucked up and permanent grief is. you don’t want to be the one to cause it. not really. not when you can see it for what it is and you have the option to prevent it. you are here no matter how much you wish not to be. you do deserve to find substantial peace, stability and good health while you still can. that’s non negotiable. even if it takes a fucking life time getting there.

i completely understand that it is all far easier said than done. that you have to be the one who is willing to reach out for help and to really stick w a plan but. i guess i just hope you know that the option will always be waiting for you when you are willing to seek it out. whether it’s through a hotline, rehab, your doctor, your friends and family, 2 hours without using or drinking. any step in the right direction is commendable. you are absolutely more resilient than you realize. more in general than you realize. you’ve had to deal with so much, just the most unimaginable things, and you’re still here. i know that’s because you feel you have no real choice in the matter, back to being trapped here. but nonetheless you’re making it. you can learn to treat yourself w the same regard that you treated your friend. you can learn to care about what happens to you. you can slowly make a home out of what you currently see as a jail. through talking, through implementing healthier coping mechanisms into your daily life, through building a support system, through confronting and processing how much it hurts, through finding the clarity that comes with progress. all the things your brain wants you to write off. addiction and mental illness are genuine health concerns that require long lasting therapy and treatment just like any other ailment. and maybe the point is to learn to live with them, rather than to cure them entirely. but they are not a death sentence (and that is a good thing), and they are not the entirety of you. you are just currently very overwhelmed by them, understandably so. excuse me if this is all sounds like naïve bullshit, but maybe some day you will be able to take some of it on board if you can’t right now. anyway, it sounds cliche as fuck, but every day that you’re alive you’re keeping your friend’s influence on this world alive too. you were shaped by them, in more ways than you realize. and they’re here in more ways than we realize too. not necessarily ghosts, at least imo. but just around. and in your head, in the universe. i am rooting for you so much and i hope you can accept that even if it all feels like lies, it’s ok to treat yourself w kindness. any attempt is good enough. sending a lot of love your way. please take care of yourself as much as possible. please consider your needs and your well being while you still have the choice to. sorry to go all 90s drug prevention ad on you btw, but u know me. i’m incapable of shutting up and minding my business abt this sort of thing lol

#tw drugs #tw addiction #tw death #tw overdose #tw suicide #anon

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hypbaest · 3 years

Text

this is about how the industry is fucked (but u already knew that right?)

like i rmr seeing photos of harry at parties, on the red carpet, between studios, after 1d fizzled out and yet i was still in onedirectionland and...there was a point where i just Realized how fucking run under the bus he looked. and how cracked up he was. and how this lil tiny bab i loved so and projected so much onto was actually...being fucked big time by the System...the entire time i actively and vocally loved him. and i was complicit in that system. and i was A CHILD when i was. and it was really just because that was my Ideal Boy at the time and bops are bops. directioners were cannibals man. the shit i went thru was CRAZYYYYY. i dont even like to think abt it. i could put twt kpopies to shame SERIOUSLY and i was on the lighter side of things honestly!!! and a CHILD!!! EYE was exploited by the system too. fucking syco.... talk about parasocial...talk abt delusion...i wrote the book in real time...and i bet a lot of yall former directioners did too. esp if this was ur hellscape.

i see photos of harry and i cant even look him in the eye. i cant even listen to his music. always in my heart, really but damn. i know he’s seen the ugliest shit. and in part...because of the animal machine i partook in. yeah...yeah.......i dont feel good about that.

the reason i was hesitant abt kpop was because of the suicides. i couldnt understand how people could go on when that happens. i still cant wrap my head around it totally. what do yall honestly feel with jonghyun on the dash??? i couldnt do it yall. i cant judge. i know nothing. but i.....that moves something visceral in me...and it aint good, thats all i’ll say. it woulda been all bets off, if it had been my kpop boy. i would have never forgave MYSELF. thats all ill say.

and got7 uhhhh renewals or whatever r coming up. and its not life or death (OR IS IT???) and everyones like support the boys! kpop aint that real! everything is ok!! myself included!!!! and i cant help but think abt harry. and how i clown and mock and try to forget louis and niall and liam. and how zayn was long gone before i could even have a deep thought abt it. and no one ever brings him up...and no one talks about the entrapment and mismanagement of syco. or how larry was real in the minds of so many (and the strain that put on the whole group, LET ALONE harry and louis) and how stuck and stifled and CONTROLLED they were from all sides. and if u think that aint kpop...bro...when ppl literally DYING out here. wake up. (the difference i see btwn all kpop groups and 1d is how their companies are proactive towards fans’ crazy delusions and syco let everything spiral out of control)

it was on weekly idol, this past one, when somebody said something to jaebeom and he misheard. something like “you’re getting your pay” - and the way jb’s WHOLE DEMEANOR CHANGED IN THAT MOMENT OF MISUNDERSTANDING??? kind and hardworking and earnest and weird im jaebeom??? only child idol jaybee??? lil farm child porch sitting dreams bboy??? and it struck me. why the fuck would he just. break open like that. and maybe acting is good. maybe im a fool. but praytell: what fucking pay? and if you’re getting it, and that’s the reaction, then where has it been? and why?

among other things...

all things come and go. everyone gets their 15 minutes. capital is capital, right? negotiations are fought and won right? things can get better right? with hardwork right? you signed after u checked and double checked right? and thats only if ur own lovers dont eat you alive right? if you dont decay from the inside right? come on now.

and i always wonder....jay park left. this american. this leader. this TRIPLE THREAT. i always wonder why kpop hates him, why kpoppies scorn him...i wonder because as far as short kings go hes really a gem. he’s a good man. and it was jyp he left. yeah.

yall this is a business that eats people alive from every angle. it certainly is that serious. it is that real. whats a contract if you dont own your intellectual property? whats a agency if they get the final word? whats hardwork if you aint seein the money? what are you if you dont (or CANT) exist without them?

it aint just a parasitic relationship from the public side yall...come on

#long post #got7 #pls interact with this post bc this shit is all ive thought abt for the past 9 or so yrs #i deadass almost went to school for THIS so i could go into the business bc it’s honestly so dark and seductive #LIKE I GET IT #i get simon cowell i get jy park I GET THE LOVE OF THE GAME THE LOVE OF MUSIC #i get art!!! i get touching people!!!! i get poetry!!! yall i do live for this #its so important to our human culture #BUT YALL?? do u see what i see?#mm.txt #one direction #also when u come up on this post pls come correct #i want to engage in like. real ass dialogue abt this because IM SERIOUS #if you just wanna pop off and defend the system...keep scrolling this aint it #harry styles #breath of love: last piece

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pechebeche · 3 years

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I hate to reopen closed wounds but would you mind telling us what happened with the d20 stuff? I understand it was something about ppl not liking the fact that u made nsfw content (which honestly doesn’t sound like a big deal to me) but learning that that you were harassed off the fandom makes me go ??? I am very confused it’s literally not that deep why did they do this

I know I’m like a year(?) late to all of this but I’m really upset I honestly hope you’re in a better place and know that I love you and support you and they’re shitty people who don’t deserve anything and trust that they WILL have karma at their throats when they least expect it.

Wish I was online at the time, I can only send love and prayers your way :( <33

I've been sitting on this ask for a week or so now, trying to decide how - and whether or not i even should - answer it.

thinking too much abt my harassment inevitably causes me to spiral. what remains from that time is impossible for me to look at without going off the deep. it doesnt really feel fair to expect people to believe me without evidence when thats...why i was harassed in the first place.

but also, and maybe more importantly. i have seen firsthand that it does not take much for people on the internet to decide you are subhuman and deserve to be treated as such. i would never, ever wish for anyone to be treated the way i was, including the people who treated me that way. as difficult as it is for me to remind myself some days, many of the people who harassed me probably genuinely thought they were in the right and doing a moral duty, and just didn't fully grasp that there was a person on the other side of the screen.

if i have any sort of audience that i dont absolutely know and trust, i dont think i can, in good conscience, name some of the people who mistreated me, and some of the ways in which they mistreated me, in a public sphere. i just can't. i don't trust the internet enough.

(if i sound morally righteous abt this, its because i absolutely am. i am extending more respect and kindness to the people who hurt me in this moment than they ever extended to me. i am bitter and miserable about the fact that after everything they did to me, it is still my responsibility to be the bigger person. i'm never going to get closure. i am going to have to take some of the things they said and did to my grave. i'm allowed to be angry about it.)

what i WILL say is that, in interest of objectivity, when the callout post was originally made about me, it was not just about my nsfw content, but about racism. i've outlined these allegations here. (there is one allegation i left out here because it was on twitter instead, and because it took what i said so far out of context that i remember looking at it and having a full moment where i thought i was straight up dreaming and would wake up because i couldnt believe anyone was twisting my words that hard and not getting called out on it.)

i will also say that i'm sure the original callout post is still up and that, helpfully, it included links on the wayback archive to posts i had made which either were inconsistent with or directly contradicted the call out! (im never gonna get over the note about how i had never apologized that linked directly to an apology) if you’re willing to search it up, it may provide greater insight both into my bias, since obviously i naturally see my own side of the story, and into theirs.

i have never argued that my insensitivity was justified, and i dont want anyone to twist my words to pretend i am. what i am saying is that it was unfair and cruel to turn my unawareness into a public spectacle to be mocked. my actions may have been exaggerated or made up, but the core of it is that even if i had been that terrible, there was no excuse for turning what could & should have been a learning experience that i could improve from into an excuse to, put simply, bully someone out of a space. not once was i approached with these issues or had them explained to me privately before i was publicly denounced as unforgivable and refusing to learn. neither the poster nor any of my endless harassers, nor any of my friends who reblogged the post without bothering to tell me about it, didnt even link me in the post itself; i had to SEARCH IT UP. they were not interested in teaching me or my followers. they were interested in isolating me and forcing me out of their fandom by any means necessary, including my death. that is not an acceptable way to treat people who have not committed Actual, Physical Crimes. that is not the type of activism we as a society should encourage.

i hope that one day i will be able to give a more complete picture. but it isn't today. i'm sorry i couldn't be of more help.

#asks #anon #harassment tw #thank you for the kindness <3

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bloody-delicious · 5 years

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Hello! Can I ask for a matchup pls? I’m a female, a Pisces. And I love drawing/designing, traveling, and music. I have short black hair with green highlights. I tend to hide my sadness/anxious feelings, I love my family and pets, and I’m a slow-to-warm-up person. I’m also super quiet towards ppl I don’t like/know, but once you get to know me, I will give you my full trust and love. But if u betrayed me, I will pretend you don’t even exist. I also have anxiety. And I’m also kinda curvy/busty.

i match you with bubba sawyer!

•traveling is a beautiful form of escapism. it gifts to us that wonderful breath of freedom, that thrill that races through our veins and beats with our hearts, that richness of the mind that expands our understandings and broadens our horizons. god gave man legs and wheels and wings to explore and embrace the lush earth from which he was created. but there are parts of this world that reject the beauty of the life that surrounds it. there are lands that fester, that spoil, decay, and cannibalize themselves, supporating and thriving in their own wickedness. the hell that we were told of lie not beneath us, but right alongside us. the hell recounted by many is not loud, it is not bold; it sinks into the soil and grows like a deadly fungus, like an intruding weed. it is not death, no, it lives with us, it breathes and matures with us. hell is anywhere one finds it to be. for the inhabitants of La Frontera, hell is the sawyer house. inside, creeps the devil, a crooked smile with crooked teeth and crooked words, his body and his mind as sickly as his business. and the devil is followed by his two bastard sons, hounds of hell that crawl out of the purple shadows of the texan heat and slink into the coolness of the night with bloody fingers and quiet, mad eyes. the house beats with their sin and walks with their red feet and hums with the beat of the leatherface's saw. yes, hell can be found in that old farmhouse on the hill. children dont wander near, they watch from the weeds and scamper off when the sound of the butcher can be heard. no man dares pass by, they take the long way around, they steal a glance at the road to death as they pass by. no birds sing in the trees, no flowers grow. mother nature would not have her children so close to such a lifeless land. but the shepherds lambs will always stray eventually. and the house must eat.

• maybe you ran when the others were too slow. maybe you betrayed another for yourself. maybe you hid under a warm, bloody body. maybe you rose when they fell. maybe you simply found yourself in gods favor. it doesnt matter. those you loved are dead, and you are alive. those you loved are served in front of you, steaming, bubbling, tender, pink, rich. and you must eat the fruit if you wish to live. you are reborn into a godless world, and you will suffer and feel and breathe and survive as sinners do. you will feel the weight of the chains on your body, your skin will shiver and sweat in the palpable darkness and burning heat of the basement, your eyes will see shadows and glints of light and crude sketches of reality. you will hear those who were not as lucky as you. you will hear them plead for your aid, as if you were an angel, sent to relieve them of this pain. you will hear the squelch of flesh as it is hung, the screams that erupt, uncurling from their throats in a display of the horror their bodies have been subjected to. you will feel their tears drop onto your sleeping body when the night comes. you will hear their last breath. you will know that a mortal man cannot claw his way out of the depths of hell.

• persephone lived for the rest of her days in a limbo of love and despair. you saw your loved ones in dreams. you wanted to go with. you wanted to know what it felt like to be happy again. you woke every night and morning with tears so heavy they cut into the flesh. you are beloved by the devil, by the mocking mask of twisted skin, the blood on his hands when he reaches out to just touch, just touch that skin of yours, by his wide eyes peering from the shadows. perhaps love cannot grow in hell, but it can be imitated. it can soothe eternal damnnation, it can hide from sight the wounds of a trauma that can never heal. a curious game you play with him, a tragic play you take part in. to pass the endless time. to distract the mind. to bring hope to the soul. does it matter? he sits beside you in the lowest circle of hell, and it is nice to have company when your very being is ripped so violently apart into nothingness. both of your hands are rough and bloody and bruised. they sometimes hold onto eachother when the night is long, when the flames burn higher, when the pain cuts deeper. he shows to you his life. you have nothing left to show. he brings you gifts of severed flesh and rotting animals. he doesnt know how to comfort you. he instead sits with you in silence. he doesnt know if it is enough. it is all he can do. the dead cannot give to the living anything of beauty, for it can only be found in the old world. but for the two of you, the old world no longer exists, neither of you can reach it with your hands, painted red, stretching towards the sky so desperately. both of you have stopped trying. you cling to what little life is left in each other, you feed on eachothers flesh to stay alive one more day, you scream inside your heads and no longer bother to wipe away the tears that fall down your faces. it is a cruel existence, but it is not without hope. it is not without that urge within you to live, to survive, to rise from the ash. you cannot converse fluently with him, but there is no need. you are now the same disease, the same creatures that rose from satans seed.

• things can get better if you wish. if you learn to love him, he will stay until you both return to the same sadistic earth you came from. both of your lives will never be without pain, but they have a chance to also be with warmth. maybe there is a future to be born in the dimness of that basement. maybe it will seep through the cracks in the walls and throb and beat throughout the house to the rhythm of a decaying heart. maybe it will one day wake in the light of day and feel the sweltering heat and hear the soft breaths beside you and once again reach for that hand that you held onto in the darkness and blood. maybe heaven will cast its light down to the pits of hell one day, even if for just a mere moment. the devils will continue to dance and slaughter and feast, but there is a happiness to be found in this depravity. you may be loved by a man who knows not of warmth and kindness, but of blood and cold, cold metal, but his heart still beats for you. many lives have been lost at his hands, his skin is forever dyed red. but they are gentle with your skin, with your hand when he grasps it, with your hair as you feel yourself being lulled softly into the hazey lavender summer night.

#slasher x reader #bubba sawyer #have to add gif later #no internet here #we got it lads #also this sucks lol #i was trying to make it realistic but it just turned into rambling

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azealiax · 6 years

Text

Tagged by: @c-taylor-wanna-be-a-glader Thank you <3<3<3

1. Are you named after someone?

Kinda? My middle name, Nanna, is my grandmother’s old name. She actually hated the name and eventually changed it. But i still got it?

2. When was the last time you cried?

I don’t cry much. But I cried out of frustration as late as this tuesday.

3. Do you have kids?

Nope.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

What?! I would never-

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Attitude and smile, i think. And voice(provided they talk)

6. What’s your eye color?

Green. They kindof look grey a lot of the time, but in certain light... THE GREEN COMES FORTH

7. Scary movies, or happy endings?

I cannot deal with scary movies oh god no. But I can’t really say happy endings is my deal either... The Death Cure.................. it depends. But NEVER scary movies.

8. Any special talents?

Maybe according to someone else? I certainly dont think so...

9. Where were you born?

In Umeå, Sweden.

10. What are your hobbies?

Reading, Drawing, Writing, Music, Movies/tv shows, a little photography, tbh i could go on for a while bc I keep changing my mind. These are the default ones.

11. Do you have any pets?

My family does! Our cat. I Love him I will protect him to the end of my days.

12. How tall are you?

Short. Don’t mock me. Get enough of it already.

13. What sports do you play/have you played?

I did play badminton for a couple of years. I tried both wieght-lifting and running but I dont do anything right now.

14. Favorite subject at school?

English, Music and Art. Like geography too.

15. Dream job?

DONT ASK ME THAT I DONT KNOW! HELP.

Let’s just say Proffessional fangirl.

Ok I’m not gonna tag ppl cause that stresses me out and Ive said tha before but still. Feel free to do this anyhow.

#tagged #<3 #c-taylor-wanna-be-a-glader #thank you #wow Tyra made a post

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mysticmeww · 6 years

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I understand trolls based goku and chichi but you hate orihime . I gave you advance to accept that ichigo and rukia are not couple but friends like goku and bulma. Orihime is strong and tough girl who had friends after her brother's death. But why you hate orihime because she is slakter no you disliked her that way some trolls hate gochi . Look the friendship between rukia and orihime I seen them as sisters like bulma and chichi and sakura and chichi but please accept ichihime as true love

What in the world is this?? “I gave you advance to accept that ichigo and rukia are not couple” you’re talking like a passive aggressive thug!!

Anyways, I had NEVER in a million years thought that maybe some crazy origo stalker might have been sending gochi and naruhina hate messages to my way too (Some kind of weird revenge trick???)… I’m astonished.

How in the hell are you comparing me with a shitty anon stalker?!!

Have I ever send anyone hate messages or made hate posts towards any other otps?

Have I ever made & talked shit about others’ otps or watever and inappropriately tagged them just to annoy others?

Do I stalk other people’s blogs, especially my NOTP fans and force them to accept my OTPs?!

No, I had NEVER done any of the shit above like you orgs trolls keep on doing.

I had only fought, blocked and in extreme cases reported some of the rudest ppl in fandoms BUT never forced anyone to like what I like.

I love what I like and talk/share with fellow shippers and I don’t give a shit to what others like as long as they leave me in peace. I just wanted here to be able to share and like in peace and if my ships bother you so much than block the tags. And you’re welcome to block your notp fans too, including me, if you’re so mad about it.

Now personally, the character inoe orihime is nothing but a disaster (since I’m not a guy, her annoyingly clumsy acting and giant boobs fan services doesn’t appeal to me) - she’s downright stalker, selfish, doesn’t give a shit to anyone even to those who are dying to save her ass, that includes rukia and ONLY loves ichigo’s ‘looks’. This is just a few points out of the many negatives this character has. This is the reason that ichihime is at the bottom of the favourite bleach rankings in Japan several times - 50th position (the last position!). Hell, even mock couple rukia x kon got in Top 18th!

Hell, even that moron Kubo gave all kinds of explicit couple moments to Ichiruki!

The honeymoon spread, excessive of feelings for each other (the fullbringer activates with the power of love and it was all rukia over ichigo’s head! And not to mention he gave up his life for rukia and is now a dead monster and goes to severe depression mood when he doesn’t see her!), the excessive ichigo x rukia movie, parent-destiny parellels, freaking romantic quotes, symbolism like Sun and Moon [ I dont know if such expression exist in west but in many Asian regions it exist. Recently, during engagement news, Princess Mako calls Kei Komuro her sun and he calls her his moon bla bla… cliche romantic symbolism.] All of these Ichiruki moments are outright shoujo romance stuff!!!

And don’t forget urahara’s last message in the manga b4 he became one of the many plotholes

But if you like inoe, I don’t care.. its none of my business. But for god’s sake, don’t force your shit on me.

I love ichiruki, gochi, naruhina, eriya, komawara, edwin, sanzu etc. and I’m OK if some people don’t like them BUT PLEASE DON’T BE A PSYCHO AND HARASS THOSE WHO DON’T SHIP YOUR OTPS!! I STAY ON MY OWN SHIPPING SIDE OF FANDOM AND YOU STAY ON YOUR OWN.

And if anybody seriously have a problem with this and keeps on harassing others on something as stupid as anime ships, than that person is mentally ill and need psychiatric help asap.

#ichiruki #ichihime #anti ichihime #anon #seriously just like what you freaking like but dont be a psycho over shit like this

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thefreshchannel · 7 years

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Hey I'm newish to the td fandom so do mind me asking who Tasha is?

I guess since she seems to have deleted i can tell the story now lmao

She was basically a fake identity created to harass """the populars™""" like if u heard of jaded teenage girl tashalovesnirvana u probably already know what her personality was like, but the td fanbase was basically her origins and it is an incredibly long story to tell u every little thing shes done so a tl;dr would be tasha is basically a harasser/stalker who traumatized a lot of people for many years. like she pretended to be so many other people and was very out for blood lmao. Also she was a fake persona, along w many others, created by the creator of theconfessioncam herself cherri (who hasnt been online since new years 2015) to make everyone miserable for “kicking her out the td fandom”

BUT IF U WANNA KNOW THE FULL STORY IT’S UNDER A CUT CAUSE BOI IS IT LONG AND TYPING IT FELT UNREAL

I already spoke abt theconfessioncam so we'll just skip to the day the person behind it was exposed. The person behind it was called cherri (isabelle was her real name but we all called her cherri bc it was in her url)

Cherri was infamous amongst the fanbase bc she shipped chrindsay and wouldn't understand why others didn't, was mostly anti sj/w, liked and defended the one character who shall not be named at the time people were calling out the issues they had w the character (all ppl calling out the issues being neurodivergent while she was neurotypical also this is discourse i am not willing to touch again so dont even think abt sending asks about this lmao), created the phrase "screw you i'm getting my duncney on" and constantly commenting abt why the fandom was toxic and shit like that. Most people would ignore her at first until after theconfessioncam turned out to be her. Many people presented proof and evidence and now she was public enemy #1 like no one liked her and one night everyone started calling her out for her shit and like she immediately blew up. On everyone. I'm p sure after that night the whole plot started.

So like. Shortly after comes a person called "holly-so-jolly" (who then became holly-smokes-molly for a short period of time in late 2015? 2016? fuck idk but her fame was very short but thats another story)Holly befriended cherri and her group of uglies so fast by always being like "wow fuck the populars"

the populars, a term coined in by theconfessioncam's anons, referred to ppl who would argue a lot abt smthn and others would agree w over well, cherris gang. Anyways holly would almost immediately always start a fight w the populars or say some problematic shit or stan for cherri a lot. I know y'all are wondering what this has to do w tasha but trust me we'll get there lol

A few days (maybe a day or two) after holly joins the fanbase, a new hateblog (SPECIFICALLY MADE TO SEND HATE ABOUT THE POPULARS) popped up. The populars would get anons about the hate blog seeing as it was so brand new that it wouldnt show up in the tag just yet. And these confessions were CRUEL. Like wishing death/murder upon these ppl, encouraging self harm, harassing minors (literally under 16 at the time), ableist comments, racism, transphobia, homophobia like it was all there. Someone else faked a new blog agreeing w these confessions and managed to speak to the new hate blog (this was someone who was undercover and managed to expose the person running that hateblog, which ended up being holly)

Holly then changed her url to winner-challenged to try to impersonate ryan, but them claimed to be other 2 people making an april fool's joke (in february no less lmao) and then she changed her persona completely to desireesparx and tried to pass off as a new person in the fanbase. But it didnt work and she deleted as fast as she came in. Antitotaldramapopulars only lasted one day. On the same day, theconfessioncam was deleted. People suspected cherri was behind all this all to which she claimed she wasnt but we all know the truth lol.

After holly hell, tasha fiasco started. And boy was tasha fucking persistent. Like she came in early 2014, and only JUST NOW DELETED. It is 2017.

Tasha-loves-duncney was ?? I guess ur basic td blogger who just loved duncney? No one had any thoughts of her at first until she made a post about not understanding why people hated mike. So people went on to explain. And i forgot rlly what happened but like tasha started getting more aggressive. Like she would reblog "the populars'" personal posts and mock them, she even added a comment hoping for the person's house to fall on them. Someone then made the "fly away tasha" comment and she CRIED because apparently she had been bullied for having a bird nose and been told that before so it only made the phrase stick. She then made an entire post saying rape wasnt bad or some weird ugly shit like that, and even after that she still had a few ppl supporting her (mostly other anti s/jws in the fanbase and cherris old friends ((also CHERRI WAS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND OR SEEN! SHE DISAPPEARED DURING ALL THIS LOL))) And that's when we all were all over her and i'm p sure it was when all the hate blogs came back.

I'm not sure if maybe i'm confusing it for another hateblog or if there was another one before this one (or i'm getting the timeline wrong bc is2g tasha deleted and came back so many times) but a confession blog popped up called "camerainthepotty" or smthn along the lines that just seemed to post whatever random weird asks ppl would send them. Then during that night it converted to tdgossipgirls and ?? It was such a weird blog lmao like just like antitotaldramapopulars, it aimed to bully the fandom populars in burn book style ? Tabloid magazine style? Point is we all knew it was tasha lmao and at this point it started to become clear who tasha really was. Whatever hateblog it was it would post fake edited asks allegedly sent by the populars themselves which gave us great classics such as "king bee ryan outtie!"

Anyways tasha liked another populars' personal post and people told her to delete bc it was a super heavy personal post. She claimed it was for support but like she finally deleted. And we were tasha clear for a few months? Weeks? (someone even took the url i think) so she then came back as "tashasbackbitches" and boi was she mad lmao. The whole tag asked her to fly away and she took a screenshot of it and claimed bullying. She then tried to ruin ale//noah day by posting pics of dunc/ney which compared to all she's done this is the most tame thing she had done but ppl were still mad abt that anyways lol. So i think a day later she made the anti-winnerchallenged blog specifically aimed at ryan for whatever reason. She ""accidentally"" made a post for anti-winnerchallenged on tashasbackbitches but like once ppl pointed it out something even weirder happened like it sounds fucking unreal but apparently it was a fake tasha???? According to real tasha??? Who was now back as "tashalovesduncney" with no hyphens?? And going to people's inbox saying that tashasbackbitches WAS NOT HER And that she had proof on her blog bc there was a pic of her holding a piece of paper w her url written on it and also an audio post explaining what happened.

So tashasbackbitches was deleted and now we were stuck with tashalovesduncney. Which at first was??? Idk but the audio post on her blog sounded high pitched like. It didnt sound like no human voice lmao. Also the pic of her had the piece of paper edited in. So someone pointed it out and like. She immediately assumed another ""popular"", cass, had sent it. And when i tell u this tasha was DARK AND OUT FOR BLOOD, I MEAN IT LMAO. Like tasha clung on to cass ever since. She would @ them and all that shit on posts and like. This tasha was out to attack. She would constantly say awful shit abt the populars and @ them in her posts, or she would @ well known anti sj/w blogs (such as p0ppypicklesticks, swimmninda/privilege u name it) and encourage them to slay our sjw asses. Not only that but now there was an anti-deadbyshawn blog to aim hate at cass specifically.

I guess at some point someone else came in the fandom by the name of staceyd123 and was received in many different ways like1. People assuming this was tasha2. People defending her bc she was a minor3. Tasha encouraging her to befriend her

However a lot of ppl started to believe this was a different person. She did befriend tasha and a lot of the ppl in the fandom and bc she was a minor a lot of the older kids protected her from tasha and constantly warned her. Sometime between that antitdpopulars came back and more fake asks were posted, populars were being blamed on for the blog to bring attention to themselves. Not sure if it was earlier or at this exact time but i think it would tie into the next event better.

so tasha and stacey had this BIG FIGHT i guess cause stacey outed tasha for running the new anti populars blog and in this fight tasha blamed stacey for staceys parents divorcing and stacey claimed tasha clipped her toenails in a voice call and like. It was so odd at this point tasha started making fake asks about the people who supported her lmao. Then she would submit herself to blogs to send love to ppl being bullied and then those ppl would fight us and the whole night was a mess. Stacey had deleted and then tasha kept her url. I'm p sure sometime later tasha deleted too?? She came back as a sideblog the next time.

Stacey came back a bit around the same time and ofc had ppl on her side welcoming her back. Almost immediately. Another new persona came in at the time too known as ""fucknmacine18??"" He changed the url to "thechazmeister" or whatever but he was basically a dumb white straight dude fake persona that claimed to have abandoned the south park fandom. Once in the td fandom, he would reblog a lot of the girls selfies and make comments on them also claiming to fall in love w one of the populars? Two of the populars? Idk but point is him being there was. Irrelevant for a while. He would send uncomfortable asks to stacey apparently and also told tasha to fly away/rejected her or some weird shit that happened there idk the story of that but i know tasha was trying to befriend him and flirting w him lmao.

Several hateblogs came out too, one being psychoanalyzing the populars which would reveal incredibly personal information about them (based on their personal posts) and evaluate them. It was a really fucked up blog and no one knew how on earth she managed to get that information. The other one was very tame, it was battleofthepopulars or smthn like that which consisted of the populars being in a td like setting and each being voted off everyday and like. No one rlly paid attention to it lol. In the end when she booted off one of the populars, she ranted that it was bc she had blamed cherri for something she didn't even do. Which was suspicious seeing as tasha wasnt here around that time, meaning this person knew about cherri being exposed as theconfessioncam.

During that same time, tasha was still very much clinging onto cass. Sending them fanmails as she couldnt send asks since she was on a sideblog. Meaning she followed ppl on an unknown main blog. Cass would receive over 200 fanmails a day from tasha. Tasha even changed her blog's url to match cass'. One night tasha got tired of being ignored and blackmailed cass into talking to them, or their friends would be harassed. The main tag was full of tasha posting edited pictures of ryan on the main td tag, personal posts of another one of cass' friends with the read more code taken off. It was a horrible night. But in the end tasha exposed her main blog was staceyd123. Tasha had faked being stacey which would explain how she managed to get the personal information for her psychoanalyzations blog. She explained it was because she was someone who got kicked out of the fandom by “tortellani and the other populars” and that she finally knew what it was like living like a popular. She then proceeded to spam the tag w animal gore knowing it was a heavy trigger for one of the populars. Stacey/tasha then deleted. Never to be heard of until...oh no wait, we almost forgot our buddy chaz.

So chaz stuck around and made dumb posts and like. No one really cared for him. Until he wanted to be seen as a threat so he made a hate blog on american thanksgiving day taking the populars' descriptions on their mobile blogs and making them bad adding racist/homophobic commentary. It was here where he stole 2 urls belonging to two other populars and tried to pass off as them. Cass had remade, but chaz took their current url (hottiemcfright) as well as the tortellani url belonging to the other person who had changed urls to avoid traffic from TiA. So that night chaz. God it was a blur but he pretended to be those two people and filled the tag w a bunch of animal gore. Tumblr did jump on that and deleted him. Chaz was another of tasha's personas so, NOW we don't hear of tasha until february of 2015.

So now under the url: tashalovesnirvana, she sent popular bloggers racist slurs thinking she was on anon and then begged for them not to be posted and theyre posted for everyone to read. No one thought twice about it when the screenshots were going around but eventually ppl in the td fanbase noticed that tasha had sent those. And i mean, you can basically look this up as it spread from just the td fandom to literally all of tumblr knew about her. They made her asks into copypastas. And it got rlly funny bc at some point she didnt even know who kurt cobain was.

Anyways after this mess she deleted but she came back. Except this time tumblr updated the blocking system so it could actually work. And boy did it work well. Tasha did get 15 minutes of fame (or less) again when she came back but everyone would just block her and she would never be heard of again. She was still there reblogging posts from the ppl she hated toLet them know. She would try to get their attention but. The moment she would contact them she'd get hit w the block button. So naturally she brought back her persona "holly" as a stoner girl "holly-smokes-molly" who also had a short lived fame but then, again, people stopped caring after they had blocked her. One of her comebacks was her coming back as a woke feminist but no one else cared about her. Tasha was an old meme, so 2 years ago. No one else gave attention to her.

In 2017 she finally deleted. Like the url isnt even hoarded so that's how u know that it's all done. It took 3 years for her to leave us alone. 3 traumatizing years. A lot of the people involved were minors too.

I know i probably messed up some parts of this or got confused w the many hateblogs she made but like. Trust me when i say that she remade so many times it's hard to keep track of all the weird shit she has done. Also i've been typing this since 8am and i still shake a bit thinking about this lol.

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fertile-delirium-blog · 7 years

Text

You know, everything I ever worked towards, care about, love or have been lucky to come across or been given an opportunity to, I’ve always gotten to a point where I fuck everything up realise where I went wrong or what I keep getting told I do or am and honestly everyone I ever believed enough to let in and be a bit of the real me or all of the real me, since I was little, I been trying to run from this sadness that I later found out is developed or called depression that I realise, I’ve never understood it, I never thought id have mental illness and I ran, I denied for so long.. people telling me I need help, I had a system that worked, a system that never allowed me to be verbally honest with anyone enough to actually get to know me , without the fear and what ifs that I now know is anxiety, funny I never really, really knew what it was but turns out the two together destroy my life, ever since high school, ive wanted to continually improve myself no matter what anyone said and the same time I maintained an image where I made myself make everyone view me the opposite of what I felt I was, when im angry, im actually upset, I made myself seem like I was okay enough n making it on my own so people wouldn’t view me as weak or a being who needed sympathy or attention or some street kid goimg nowhere when really, for too long all I wanted was to find where I belong n do what in my heart I felt n feel like will come back, be music that expresses things I can’t say or feels weird coming out of this mouth that isnt mine, dont feel right. Communication.. something ive never had real, experience with.. was mainly mute other than my outward image for my protection and other peoples shit for so many years before I met her, she made me want to talk, opened up n be the me I feel I am on the inside, but, how easy did I really think it was gonna be? …a lot easier than it was/is.. I’ve always been a lone wolf.. why did I think I could have a family life like that when… I convinced myself with this act I was over shit I wasn’t, that was my fuck up this is all before I fell in love and its funny… it’s a boy cries wolf story, she loved me.. I loved her but something in me didn’t let me properly love her the way I should’ve but if I knew then what I know, my god things would be different and this is what I was afraid of.. completely giving in to her that… I wouldn’t care about myself as much just wanted to make her n kids happy, that’s what made me happy that’s the reason for my being as the opportunity to do so after terrible things n times had us far away for a long time and realised that they the family I chose to have n m sorry I let you all down I’m sorry my bpd, bipolar depressive states is what im trying to focus on to gwt better, since I actually believed everyone but 18 years of unsaid, undealt with and put away in the black box f nothing, isn’t easy to unfold , realise grow, accept, change, love, heal myself and be what was wanted or needed to best of my ability, truth is with her, this focus on making my life a certain way disappeared, never thought it would happen.. i want to do n cater n help n just be n do or try to what it s she wanted if me, I tried I fucked up in the beginning, but still pay to this day.. sigh the balance of who I on the inside is out of whack n has changed.. I don’t think anyone ever did I thought I showed n expressed enough to understand, I guess, if im too sick to love I shouldn’t get on the way of where she wants to go n do, its a shame really, right girl wrong time, don’t care if we were meant to be or not the universe chose you that I loved that much I wanted to make a life, thins I did out of spite, jealousy, anger, major depressive states too much drugs or too long on drugs wasn’t really me, the me I thought you knew n loved was that you made me happy, only person to do that that’s not my siblings.. then there are your beautiful kids I’ve let down too many times.. idk what made me think I deserved you 3.. maybe the fact that I was hoping we all changed n we were happy, we were, that’s not fantasy, we had some great, great times ill never let go of wanted my career I chased for since I was a kid n ended up getting n wanted to have the normal family as well but I chose them in the end n always will but I gotta keep away for her, for them.. every time I get into this stupid certain major depressive state.. I do things to make it harder on myself but you know what the problem is.. the real me is hidden in a cube within and I can see everything.. and that’s not the real me. That’s something dark attached to me that wants to keep me hidden away.. so how do I defeat this other person I’m watching from the inside take over a beautiful physical being I don’t feel is mine and causing such pain for both her, I and my ex gf and her kids and tearing everything that’s mine (the inside) and hers(outside) causing such hate n was for each other n causes such distress for those who actually love me.. I would like you, any of you to hold my hand throughout me getting better.. but I also know I’ve had my times with help n no help n I run away.. I know how hard it is for anyone to love me.. or be there for me I want all to be happy n move on with their lives get And do things the deserve.. I don’t wanna hold anyone back jus because they care.. I’ve been alone since I was little.. may as well stay alone to the end.. cant bear to love.. there’s only her I will never have kids, it’ll always be them, don’t want to cause pain because I’m hard to love because I’m sad with myself n wanna make you happy same time.. god how did I get here.. I got nothing n no one.. at all n all I had before her was a dream I made into reality then set bar higher only to fall that fucking hard to be half the reason I hate myself and before that tried to be an accepted part of my family n moved on to my dream knowing my family will never know.. what ive felt, how low I sank at the age of 8, understand or acce ppl t me enough.. the most truth I can give them is that I want to die cos im not good enough for this world.. items are not feelings, being raped and beaten for 5 yrs of my childhood n being too scared to tell anyone due to death threats then once it comes into the open is apologetic and sad for then my mum gets angry at me cos she cant accept it sober,.. I do blame him.. but I also know that its my fault ive let him win and affect me as a person n how I grow for so long and being told o can do something bout it going to yoir mum n her telling me its no use they wont find anything too late to be then told 5 yrs later that, I can still do something about it.. and I havent.. all these little bits and pieces make sense from the moment of my mums impregnation to now that maybe, just maybe I was never supposed to have been born.. I don’t belong on this world, I was an unwanted mistake that had no friends got bullied, raped, beaten as a child to getting away from that man that is your brothers dad also and my brother ended up being my best friend mid teens to not even know what a friend is other than knowing not to let anyone know the bad I been through and alone.. always have been alone no one sees the me that stands behind this beautiful, sad but always fake smiling so i don’t seem so broken shell of mine.. no one can hear me but the people in my head and none of them want to let me out.. guess I don’t deserve anything else but being alone trying to fight people I can only hear.. if I used to see any of them..when I did see silhouetted bodies before I had too many drugs and certain.. things went away.. im sorry I blocked you out.. oh silhouetted bodies I miss you.. as scary as it would be sometimes.. you always helped me be strong enough for the next step, if it is you that torments me today.. why? And if it isn’t.. is it just mental illness?. Or is it so much more than that..

Was I killed or kill myself too early in past life I went straight through to this one??.. from the moment I was born I was not meant to exist.. im sorry to the people who love and care for me… none of you will see me again.. ill save you all the energy, the stress and the pain I’ve previously caused due to my own mind and my feelings but know if you could hear me.. not this voice of mine verbally.. but if you or i could translate it or if you could hear my inside voice I promise that all would be understandable.. no confusion, no bullshit, no actions I didnt make but she or they did.. they just want to break me.. all but one laugh at me, mock me, talk to me and then to her on the outside as a fucking game or to make us continually clash and that ruins me, my ex gf, and well because of all that I distanced from kids when asked.. and have gotten so far it breaks my god damn heart.. gonna be like my brother, like my sister.. cant be apart of their life, cant watch them grow but silently love all 3 of them silently from afar.. I don’t want anyone to love me and I don’t want to love anymore than I already do as long these people and depression n whatever else they say I got continues to win this fight.. hopefully at the moment.. they make m e want to die. For silence, no more memories, feelings and they make it known that this is not my body.. I a excluded from all beings.. even the one I reside in.. no support. Don’t want friends, don’t want family.. I just wish I could’ve gotten better for the ones I love and who love me.. im sorry .. I dont want a life anymore. I really realize .. I was not meant to.. I hope that everyone I love will hate me, already does,or will and can forget me.. I did have some real, real hapy good times with you mum, lola, jaiden, mia, rachele, LJh and TRh.. sorry Ive said and done some fucked up things and I hope if you do remember or think of me it wont always be bad because I had and was a genuine happy and fun girl at times. Especially with you guys. And im sorry if you guys dont know which ones are real and fake..im sorry .. I wanna get better but realising I was never meant to be here,n if I was it was to be alone n silent I was right tho.. im not here to have a life for me or make one for myself nd hurt people in process. I love in times of darkness and undenying voices… I dont need your care.. I dont want you to feel sorry I just hope when you think back on me maybe.. youll see the peaks of the inside me get let put due to the help from my outside n i ts something we don’t n wont talk bout..I wont make anyone put up with me just because they are or I am loved. Not anymore.. I love you all.. hope everyone gets what the want and deserve. And to the parents of whos kids I love as my own then just fucking distanced due to how I am not thinking boit if or how itd affect them.. im sorry fo all the wrong ive done by them but know how happy and grateful I am for you guys bringing them into this world.. we all know im shit at doing what im supposed to and moat times I was shit to them.. I dlnt k know if i t was noticeable but I did try.. but thank you for letting be apart of that and being “snips”.. and giving me a chance to love them and treat them like my own I wish I did better with all of you, their family, my family im sorry whatever this thing is im just sorry I ruined some good things and hurt people I love n who love me.. never again.

I love you all.. I feel like I didnt get to say it all.. but, o can’t keep crying.. I been typing for 2 hrs… I will be making another account and this will be my lalst post as mariah elrington. To the world and the people I love… im sorry. I hope ypu forgive me and see the good person I always tried to be I will love yo and appreciate you all forever.. im sorry that since I came to world I was doomed to be nothing but a problem but I swear.. I swear on everything… I always try to be better but fall harder.. doing this on my own and voices, my thoughts and the opinion of those who love me see the opposite to what im doing or how I am.. its really hard.. ive never done it this mentally tough before.. well on drugs trippin on non real stuff but this.. this is real life and for once, I dont have anyone to talk to even on a vague level.. not even a pen and paper.. this, this is all so o guess thank you tumblr idk how worst id be without you ..I love you all… this is the fkn truth.. I never meant for it any of it to be als bad as they are between my two families I love. I hope you can get it right, now without me, the problem, the burden,.the dralin and be happy I meam that from thr deep.side of my heart, I really hope I haven’t fucked it enough you wont recover.. but I may be a bit over my head.. they won’t care.. I mean they will for a short time,, but will be happy not long after no Im not saying im gonna kill myself, we all know I can’t. But none of you will see or hear from me again.. because I love you. And I love you alll im deeply sorry I couldn’t express or show it enough for that you guys to believe that a whole lot or know the extent of how much with how ive been but ti my blood family and made family… I love you all so much its because of you gus im doing this for you other wise ill never leave y'all alone cos I need y'all but can’t and won’t hurt anyone but myself anymore.. almost 3 hrs writing.. I still got more to say but gonna leave it there.. god damn it,I love you and I do hope my whole family have a good life n im sorry I ruined the parts of it that I did but be worry free I dont want anyone trying to reach out to me after this. Wil be ignored or unseen..

I love my families and im sorry I couldn’t get it right to be good enough well enough to not negatively affect you.

Have a great life, drink, party, love do the things you want and think o f me as okay if it helps just please,if you love me dont ever get worried.. dont ever assume anything just be be fucking happy, experience, travel, grow Chase dreams.. trust, they are possible no matter situation, lonliness or head space,long as you believe youre gonna.make i t real and do what you gptta to make it gappen, if some like me not even suppose to be alive can do it, you strong, smart beautiful family of mine I believe in you.. to all of you every age. and each everyone of you deserve it. The good fun or happy life with its obvious small obstacles that isn’t as stressful or hard t fix asits been as of late..

I am sorry. I love nd appreciate you all. And you will all always be in my mind And my hearts im sorry im too mental im sorry for all ive done.

I love you all.

Goodbye forever.. all 7 of you ill love always. Pls keep the good bout me in your hearts if you can’t forget. I miss you all like crazy wish I could see you all again to give a goodbye hug.. but a visioned one is gonna have to do. Know that’s the last thing youd recieve from me if that were the case.

Goodbye my precious family I loved dearly but took for granted and couldnt get better.. im sorry I put you all through so much. I really am I wish all of you could see how much love I got for each and everyone of you cos I know I didnt do that good of a job to make sure it was known but I hope it is not.. love you please be happy for me too, if its worth anything to any of you, cos idk how long it'll take to feel it again.

Goodbye fams.

-Mariah Elrington

#personal #this time for real

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pengirwinthepenguin-blog · 7 years

Text

Long ass roleplay with @antiisepticeye

Me= well, me and Dani ashjs= @antiisepticeye

'She loves me, not you! You're a twat, Dark. Go back to the hole you came from!' Anti screams

dani ashjs

"excuse me, but who the fuck told you she loves?! isnt it obvious she loves me? have you seen the way she looks at me? youre delusional, anti.. as usual" dark smirks

"Oh, fuck off! You're a glitchy mind-game that's just a joke! At least I can say I'm strong! You look up to that mustache man, I look up to no one." Anti feels confidence run through his body.

dani ashjs

" I look up wrfstashe? more like, he looks up to me. i look up to no one. im way stronger on my own, and thats why she loves me more. who the fuck would want to date a glitch bitch like you anyway? she can barely understand what you say. in fact, no one understands you" dark lowers his voice at the end and glares at anti in a mocking way

"Ha. You're funny when you try to act tough. You sound worse than Mark's videos! You're echo-y, and unable to speak without someone repeating you! Go run back to the mind that created you, along with the others. She loves me because I care about HER, not you." Anti spits on the ground, smiling to himself

dani ashjs

"at least i can take control of mark without making a bloody mess and leaving scars for life.why would you ruin jacks body? she'll think youre a digusting psychopath" dark laughs and slightly bites his lower lip

"At least I take full control. N̸o̸ ̵o̸n̶e̷ ̸c̶a̷n̷ ̶t̸u̴c̷k̷ ̷m̴e̴ ̵a̵w̴a̸y̸.̵ ̶N̵o̷ ̴o̸n̸e̴ ̴c̵a̸n̶ ̴s̶t̸o̵p̶ ̷m̴e̸ ̷f̴r̵o̸m̶ ̶h̷a̷p̴p̵e̷n̴i̷n̷g̷.̸ ̴I̸ ̶c̵a̶n̶ ̵m̷a̵k̶e̵ ̸h̸e̷r̸ ̷i̷m̷m̶o̷r̴t̵a̷l̸,̸ ̴y̶o̴u̷ ̷c̷a̸n̴ ̵l̴e̷a̷v̵e̸ ̷h̶e̶r̴ ̵i̴n̵ ̶m̵a̷r̸k̷s̵ ̶h̶e̷a̵d̵.̶"̴ Anti begins to glitch.

dani ashjs

"you call that full control? dont make me laugh. look at you! youre already glitching... pathetic.." dark shakes his head at anti

"̶M̷y̸ ̸a̶n̵g̴e̷r̶ ̸d̷o̴e̶s̴ ̶w̶h̶a̵t̸ ̷m̵y̸ ̸a̸n̸g̶e̷r̴ ̶d̴o̷e̴s̵.̵ ̸Y̷o̸u̷r̵ ̴a̴n̷g̷e̸r̴ ̶d̸o̸e̸s̶ ̶w̶h̶a̷t̷ ̸y̶o̶u̴r̴ ̶a̵n̶g̸e̴r̸ ̴d̵o̶e̸s̴.̴ ̵A̴t̷ ̷l̸e̴a̸s̵t̷ ̷m̵y̶ ̶a̶n̶g̷e̸r̶ ̶i̵s̶ ̶s̵c̶a̴r̴y̵,̷ ̸n̷o̶t̴ ̶j̷u̵s̸t̶ ̴y̴e̷l̵l̸i̶n̷g̸.̵ ̴D̵o̷ ̷I̶ ̴n̸e̷e̷d̶ ̶t̸o̷ ̵m̷e̴n̸t̷i̷o̸n̸ ̵w̶h̵e̵n̸ ̴y̵o̵u̸ ̸w̷e̵n̶t̴ ̵a̷n̷d̴ ̶r̶u̶i̴n̷e̷d̷ ̸a̵ ̶d̷a̸t̷e̶?̵ ̸O̶r̶ ̵h̶o̸w̴ ̶a̷b̷o̵u̷t̷ ̵w̶h̵e̵n̶ ̵y̴o̸u̴ ̵C̸U̵T̵ ̴Y̴/̵N̵'̷S̷ ̴A̸R̸M̸?̶ ̷S̶h̴e̵ ̴d̸o̸e̷s̶n̷'̵t̶ ̸w̷a̸n̶t̴ ̷s̶o̸m̴e̸o̸n̸e̶ ̸t̷h̷a̴t̵ ̶c̸a̸u̵s̶e̸s̴ ̶h̷a̶r̴m̵.̷"̵ Anti's anger was boiling in his body.

dani ashjs\

"i dont need to be angry to be scary. ppl get scared just by hearing me talking normally. if you need to get angry for ppl to fear you and respect you then, its easy to say who's the strongest and best demon here. and she only loves the strongest and best. and i didnt ruined the date. mark did.. and its funny, you say she doesnt wan anyone who causes her harm, yet youre the one who cuts jacks throat" dark growls, starting to get annoyed

"̶I̸ ̷o̷n̸l̸y̵ ̴h̵u̶r̵t̵h̷ ̸t̷h̸e̷ ̶o̷n̷e̸s̴ ̵w̵h̴o̴ ̷d̸o̷n̶'̵t̶ ̴c̸a̵r̴e̸.̶ ̴Y̴o̵u̴ ̸h̵u̶r̴t̸ ̴w̷h̷o̴m̷e̷v̸e̶r̵ ̴y̴o̵u̵ ̸l̸i̸k̵e̸.̸ ̵I̴ ̶d̵o̷n̶'̴t̷ ̸n̷e̶e̷d̵ ̶t̵o̷ ̴b̶e̵ ̵s̸c̵a̵r̶y̶ ̵t̶o̵ ̴g̴e̷t̴ ̵a̵t̷t̴e̷n̴t̵i̷o̶n̵,̸ ̸I̵ ̸d̶o̶n̶'̵t̶ ̶n̸e̷e̷d̸ ̸t̸o̶ ̷b̶e̵ ̸a̵n̵y̶t̸h̵i̸n̷g̵.̸ ̸P̸e̸o̶p̷l̷e̵ ̶h̷e̷a̶r̷ ̴m̶y̶ ̴l̷a̷u̵g̴h̶s̶ ̷a̶n̵d̷ ̶b̴e̴c̸o̷m̷e̶ ̵j̸u̶s̵t̵ ̷a̴s̷ ̵s̷c̸a̷r̸e̶d̶.̶ ̷Y̶o̶u̷ ̴c̵a̵n̸ ̶c̸a̷l̶l̵ ̶y̵o̵u̷r̶s̵e̶l̷f̵ ̷a̴s̶ ̴s̵t̶r̶o̵n̸g̶ ̷a̷s̴ ̷y̴o̵u̶'̷d̵ ̵l̶i̸k̶e̸,̷ ̴b̶u̷t̶ ̷y̷o̴u̸'̴r̷e̵ ̵j̴u̷s̴t̵ ̸s̵c̴a̶r̸y̶.̶ ̵Y̶o̵u̷ ̶s̵c̶a̸r̶e̴ ̷f̶o̸r̷ ̵c̵o̷n̷f̴i̶d̸e̷n̵c̷e̷.̵"̴ Anti steps closer

dani ashjs

"why are you getting closer?" dark steps closer as well "is that your way of saying you wanna fight? a skinny weak piece of shit like you goes down with one punch" he glares into anti's eyes, his breathing getting heavier with rage

Anti laughs his maniacal laugh and glitches behind Dark "̸Y̵o̸u̶'̴r̴e̸ ̴f̶u̶n̴n̸y̶.̸ ̴Y̸e̵s̷,̸ ̴I̸'̸m̴ ̴s̶k̴i̶n̸n̷y̴.̸ ̶Y̶e̴s̵,̴ ̷I̸'̴m̶ ̸s̶m̷a̴l̴l̴.̷ ̴B̶u̷t̵,̶ ̸I̵'̴m̴ ̷p̶o̸w̸e̵r̶f̵u̸l̷.̵ ̷I̷ ̸N̸ ̵Y̸ ̵O̸ ̵U̶ ̶R̴ ̵M̶ ̴I̵ ̸N̸ ̸D̵"̶ Anti begins to glitch around the house, laughing every time he lands. "̵C̸a̶t̶c̷h̶ ̸m̴e̸ ̶i̶f̵ ̶y̶o̶u̸ ̵C̴ ̷A̶ ̴N̵"̵

dani ashjs

dark growns and looks around the room trying to see where the noise comes from. "youre alredy running away? i knew you were a lil bitch but i at least expected some fighting" dark closes his eyes, trying to concentrate on a anti's voice

Anti laughs again, stopping in front of Dark. "̷Y̷o̵u̶'̴r̸e̶ ̶s̸t̵i̶l̴l̷ ̶s̷t̷u̷c̶k̶ ̸i̷n̸ ̸t̸h̵e̵ ̵1̴7̴0̵0̵s̶ ̷m̶y̷ ̷g̶o̸o̴d̸ ̷f̵r̷i̸e̷n̴d̷.̶ ̴N̵o̴ ̵o̷n̶e̷ ̶f̵i̷g̵h̷t̸s̴ ̸a̷n̶y̵m̸o̶r̸e̴,̴ ̷u̵n̶l̵e̴s̸s̷ ̵y̷o̵u̴'̴d̷ ̵l̵i̵k̸e̶ ̶t̷o̷ ̵d̵i̶e̷.̵"̵ Anti's eyes go from dark green to black.

dani ashjs

Dark quickly punches anti in the face before he could dessapear again, throwing the green haired demon across the room "im not afraid of death. so bring it" dark creepily smiles at anti as his eyes become dark red

Anti touches his oozing lip, feeling the blood run from it. "̸I̸ ̷g̷u̴e̴s̵s̶ ̵i̶t̵'̷s̵ ̸y̷o̷u̶r̴ ̶t̷i̵m̷e̵"̶ Anti glitches behind Dark and stabs him in the back with a small dagger.

dani ashjs\

dark yelps, and quickly throws his arms back, grabbing anti by the hair, throwing the green demon over his head so they could be face to face "do you really have to fight dirty? to guns and knives allowed, bitch" dark takes the dagger from antis hand and thorws it far away before delievering another punch to antis face

Anti yelps lightly, before getting his game face on. "̴Y̶ ̴O̵ ̸U̵ ̸ ̶D̶ ̸O̸ ̸N̸ ̴T̸ ̴ ̶S̶ ̷C̵ ̶A̵ ̸R̶ ̴E̸ ̷ ̸M̵ ̵E̸"̶ He glitches back to where he was before and grabs Darks neck, and flipped him onto the ground, and sat on top of him. "̶I̸ ̴p̴l̷a̸y̶ ̷d̸i̴r̶t̸y̸,̷ ̷D̴a̶r̶k̸.̸.̴.̴.̷"̸

dani ashjs

dark yelps and grabs antis wrist, trying to take his hand away from his throat "l-let me go" he gasps, looking up at anti

Anti smiles and laughs, putting his hand firmly onto his throat. "̸N̸o̸t̷ ̵u̵n̸t̴i̷l̷ ̵y̶o̴u̴ ̴s̴u̴r̸r̴e̵n̵d̷e̷r̵,̷ ̴b̵o̸y̵"̸ The pressure on Dark's throat got harder and harder, until Anti felt his hands hit the floor.

dani ashjs

dark tries to kick anti off of him, but the lack of air is making him dizzy "how the fuck-" he coughs and gasps "are you so strong-" he tries to reach antis face to claw at it, but he can barely reach it, resulting his his fingertips brushing against anti's lower lip and chin

Anti smiles at Darks sad attempt of hurting him. "̴I̷ ̶t̶o̶l̸d̵ ̴y̷o̷u̶,̵ ̵I̴'̷m̴ ̴m̸u̶c̵h̷ ̸m̵o̵r̷e̷ ̴p̵o̸w̴e̶r̴f̶u̶l̸ ̴t̴h̴a̵n̸ ̸y̷o̸u̸ ̶t̴h̸i̴n̴k̵.̶ ̵G̵i̵v̷e̸ ̴u̵p̷,̸ ̷a̵n̵d̶ ̷y̸o̸u̴'̶l̴l̷ ̶h̵a̴v̸e̵ ̶a̸i̸r̷.̴ ̷O̶r̸,̶ ̵k̶e̸e̷p̵ ̶f̶i̵g̵h̷t̸i̶n̶g̴,̵ ̸a̶n̷d̴ ̵w̷a̸t̷c̷h̵ ̸y̸o̶u̵r̸ ̸w̸o̷r̸l̷d̶ ̶g̷o̴ ̶b̷l̷a̷n̶k̶.̸"̵ Anti was giving him a life or death choice, and Dark was to choose one.

dani ashjs

"ill never-" he coughs and gasps "give up" his eyes go from dark red to normal again due to lack of air. he starts clawing at anti's wrist to the point where little dropplets of blood starts appearing

Anti ignores the small amount of pain. "̶S̴u̵i̵t̷ ̶y̸o̵u̷r̸s̵e̶l̷f̴"̷ Anti says genuinly. He takes one hand off of Dark to snap, giving himself more strength. He placed at LEAST 100 pounds of muscle onto Darks throat.

dani ashjs

"anti-" he can barely talk at this point . "fine" he whispers, trying to get anti to hear him. "you win..." and with that, he released antis wrists and goes completely immotionless. he was still breathing, but barely

Anti smiles and nods. "Good job, Boy." Anti harshly slaps Darks back, before going off to find Y/n, his new girlfriend

dani ashjs

dark takes a big breath and glares at antis back, before his eyes turned dark red again and he smirked "do you really think youree the only one who plays dirty" and with that, he jumps on antis back and stabs him the the dagger from earlier "bitch"

Anti turns around, no pain on his face. "Do I need to repeat what I did before?" Anti says, putting Dark back onto the floor. He had his hands back on Darks neck, with a good amount of pressure.

dani ashjs

"how did you not feel pain?!" this time dark kicked him in the stomach before the lack of air made him too weak. he quickly got up and caressed his tender throat, wincing at the slight pain

"I slit my throat, boy. I AM pain." Anti smirked and crossed his arms, chuckling at Darks weak appearance.

dani ashjs

dark frowns, stepping back a little. he didnt think anti would be this strong. he thought he had the upper hand.. "anti... are we seriously fighting over a girl?" he laughed nervously

Anti laughed. "I tried to walk away. YOU stopped me. And, also, I won."

dani ashjs

"what do you mean you won? im still alive, arent i?" he tries to sound threatening "and i stopped you because I-" he stuttered, not knowing what else to say

"Because you didn't want to lose," Anti says in a taunting mannor. He pulls out the dagger from his back and smiles at it. "Are you saying you want more?"

dani ashjs

dark opens his mouth as if to say something, but quickly closes it. he just stared at anti for a couple long seconds

dani ashjs

dark opens his mouth as if to say something, but quickly closes it. he just stared at anti for a couple long seconds. "I love you", he finally says. maybe he could buy himself sometime if he said something ridiculous like that

Anti laughs. "Nice try. Why would you love ME if you wanted y/n? I'm flattered, but not into it." Anti goes back to glitching around the room, laughing more.

dani ashjs

"UGH!" dark throws the dagger to where anti was standing , before screaming in frustration "youre so annoying oh my fucking god, i hate you!" he screams, looking around trying to see anti

"Exactly" Anti says calmly, glitching next to Dark. "Love you too" Anti pats his back, then glitches back to being in front of him. Anti saw a large bruise where his hands had been, and laughed. "̵B̵i̴g̵ ̴t̵o̴u̸g̷h̴ ̵g̷u̵y̸ ̸n̷e̵e̶d̶s̸ ̸h̴i̵s̸ ̸m̸o̵m̶m̵y̵?̷ ̸B̵a̷b̸y̷ ̵g̷o̵t̸ ̸a̷ ̸b̶o̸o̷-̴b̷o̵o̷?̸"̶

dani ashjs

dark quickly covers his neck and looks down in embarrassement "shut up.." he was ashamed of himself. how could he loose so easily to this green bitch? "its bad enough already that i lost to a piece of shit like you"

Anti smiled. He was getting aggravated. To the point where he could see the anger in his face. "It seems you're the shit, as you lost to me.." Anti laughed again, moving cloaser.

dani ashjs

dark took a step back, but his nack was against the wall already, which didnt allow him to get any further from anti. "anti thats enough" he put a hand on antis chest, trying to keep him from walking any closer to him

back*

"̴G̵i̵v̸e̶ ̸u̶p̸,̵ ̷b̴i̴t̷c̵h̶.̶ ̸Y̷o̵u̵ ̶c̷a̸n̸'̵t̵ ̴s̷t̷o̶p̴ ̴m̷e̶.̵ ̷I̸'̵m̷ ̴u̷n̵c̷o̷n̵t̶r̷o̴l̴a̴b̸ll̵e̸.̵"̸ Anti pushed Draks arm away and moved in closer- so close their feet were touching. "̷Y̶o̶u̴'̵r̸e̶ ̵N̵O̵T̴H̶I̵N̶G̴ ̸c̵o̵m̴p̶a̷r̷e̶d̴ ̴t̴o̸ ̸m̸e̷"̸ Anti whispers

Darks**

dani ashjs

dark felt chills running down his body , and he almost couldnt bare looking anti in the eyes.. why was he so scared "you cant sc-scare me, you know" he crossed his arms trying to seem intimidati g

"̵I̵ ̴s̸e̴n̴s̶e̵ ̵y̶o̷u̷'̵r̸e̴ ̷s̷c̸a̷r̷e̵d̵.̸ ̶W̴h̷a̴t̵'̸s̶ ̵w̶r̶o̸n̵g̶,̴ ̸b̵i̸t̵c̸h̸?̵ ̸I̵s̶ ̴t̸h̸e̸ ̴s̶k̴i̷n̴n̷y̵,̸ ̵p̴a̷t̶h̴e̷t̶i̶c̶ ̸t̵w̶a̶t̶ ̸i̸n̷t̵i̷m̵i̸d̴a̶t̷i̸n̵g̵ ̴y̴o̴u̵?̵ ̶G̷i̸v̴e̴ ̸u̷p̴,̶ ̶D̷a̷r̶k̴.̴ ̵Y̴o̷u̸ ̶w̶i̸l̵l̶ ̵n̵e̵v̸e̴r̷ ̸s̸c̶a̸r̴e̶ ̴m̷e̸.̶"̵ Anti says, glitching uncontrollably, almost so bad you can recognize him. "̶Y̷o̷u̷.̷ ̵A̸r̴e̷.̸ ̶W̴ ̶E̶ ̴A̷ ̶K̵.̸"̸

dani ashjs

"anti?" dark frowns looking at him "what the fuck is happening to you? whats with all the glitches" his fear was clear now

"̶Y̵O̸U̸ ̸A̶R̴E̴ ̸N̷O̴T̸H̷I̷N̷G̸ ̴T̶O̸ ̸M̴E̵ ̴D̸A̴R̴K̸I̸P̵L̷I̸E̵R̶.̴ ̵Y̴O̷U̶ ̴N̴E̴V̴E̸R̷ ̶W̶I̸L̷L̶ ̸B̴E̸.̴ ̶Y̴O̸U̵ ̶A̸R̶E̸ ̵N̷O̸T̴ ̶S̷C̴A̸R̷Y̷.̴ ̵Y̷O̸U̴ ̷A̷R̶E̷ ̷N̴O̴T̴ ̶I̸N̸T̶I̵M̵I̷D̷A̸T̴I̸N̶G̵.̷ ̶Y̶o̴u̴ ̵m̶a̴y̷ ̵b̵e̵ ̷a̴ ̴p̸a̶r̸t̷ ̸o̵f̷ ̴M̸a̸r̸k̷,̴ ̶b̷u̵t̵ ̵y̷o̸u̷ ̶a̵r̵e̵ ̵N̴O̷T̵H̸I̵N̵G̴ ̴c̶o̷m̶p̸a̵r̷e̴d̴ ̴t̴o̸ ̶m̶e̴.̴"̴ Anti was out of control. Dark triggered something... Dangerous. Anti was now practically on top of Dark, intimidating and yelling. He wasn't himself, not Anti.

dani ashjs

"anti..? this- this isnt you" Dark was legit scared and even a bit worried about anti. he never acted like this before "anti please, you never acted like this before, what the fuck is happening?" dark slid to the floor, since he couldnt escape

Anti put his foot on top of Darks leg, making sure he cant move. "̶Y̶o̸u̷ ̵a̶r̸e̵ ̷w̷h̷a̴t̷'̷s̵ ̴w̶r̶o̶n̸g̴,̷ ̸D̷a̵r̸k̴.̷ ̶Y̶o̵u̴ ̵a̶r̶e̶.̴"̸ Anti whispers.He continues to glitch as he takes his foot off of Dark, but doesn't move from the place he was standing

dani ashjs

dark yelped when anti put his foot on his leg. he looked up at anti "are you gonna kill me?.." his body was shivering like crazy

Anti got close to Darks face. "̶M̶a̷y̸b̷e̵.̷ ̸I̸f̴ ̸y̶o̸u̵ ̸o̴ ̶b̷ ̷e̶ ̶y̴.̸ ̸Y̵o̷u̶ ̶a̴r̴e̵ ̸m̴i̶n̵e̵ ̷n̵o̸w̸,̵ ̶b̷i̵t̴c̸h̷.̶ ̷U̶n̷t̷i̴l̶ ̴I̴ ̵s̷a̴y̵ ̸y̷o̵u̴ ̴c̷a̵n̸ ̸l̸e̵a̸v̷e̷ ̷m̵y̴ ̷g̷r̴a̴s̶p̵.̸"̵

dani ashjs

dark flinched "w-what do you mean obey? im not your bitch!" he raised his voice

Anti rose a green flame around them. "̵T̵r̴y̸ ̸a̷g̴a̷i̸n̴ ̸b̸e̸f̶o̶r̵e̶ ̸I̸ ̵s̶l̷i̶t̷ ̷y̸o̵u̸r̷ ̷t̶h̶r̴o̸a̴t̸ ̴l̸i̸k̷e̸ ̷t̵h̴e̷ ̴r̷ ̵e̵ ̵s̸ ̴t̷"̷ He screamed at Dark. His eyes were darker than black, if that was even possible. He was something worse than Anti. Something much worse.

dani ashjs

"im sorry im sorry" dark bows his head in fear, his eyes actually getting watery. hes never been this scared and submissive in his life before.. "youre- youre not the anti i know.."

Anti- or whatever he was- smiled and nodded. "̷T̶h̵a̶t̸'̴s̶ ̴w̶h̸a̸t̸ ̷I̵ ̶t̴h̸o̷u̵g̸h̵t̷ ̶b̷i̷t̴c̷h̴.̴ ̶Y̴o̶u̸.̴ ̶A̵r̶e̸.̴ ̶M̶ ̵i̷ ̸n̶ ̸e̶.̵"̸ Anti sternly said. "̶I̴ ̶a̶m̶ ̵n̴o̶t̷ ̷A̴n̴t̴i̷-̴y̷o̶u̸r̴-̶r̷i̴v̴a̴l̴ ̷a̷n̷y̴m̸o̵r̷e̶.̶ ̴I̷'̷m̸ ̶A̸n̴t̷i̴-̴y̷o̷u̵r̴-̴m̴a̴s̵t̴e̵r̶ ̷n̷o̸w̵.̸"̷

dani ashjs

dark nodded frantically . he did not want to get on this.. thing's bad side. he swallowed his saliva and took a deep breath before saying something he never thought he would... "yes, master"

Anti gave him an evil smile. "̷T̷h̴a̶t̴'̶s̴ ̴w̸h̶a̷t̷ ̵I̷ ̶t̵h̶o̵u̸g̶h̷t̷.̴"̸ Anti paced back and forth in front of Dark, still glitching violently."̴I̴ ̶h̷a̶v̶e̴ ̷b̴e̶e̴n̸ ̵w̵a̴i̴t̵i̸n̷g̷ ̵t̷o̵o̷ ̸l̶o̶n̴g̴ ̷t̶o̷ ̶e̶s̷c̸a̸p̴e̵ ̴t̴h̶e̷ ̶l̷i̵t̷t̴l̷e̶ ̵b̷i̵t̵c̶h̷ ̴t̸h̸e̸y̷ ̵c̸a̷l̷l̵e̶d̷ ̴A̵n̵t̸i̵.̵ ̷I̷'̶m̴ ̸h̸e̶r̵e̵.̵ ̸A̷n̸d̷ ̷I̸'̷m̷ ̵m̶u̶c̴h̴ ̷m̴o̴r̷e̶ ̷p̸o̶w̸e̷r̸f̵u̷l̴.̸ ̶I̵m̵ ̶e̴x̴c̵i̷t̶e̸d̷,̸ ̶D̸a̴r̸k̶i̴p̶l̶i̴e̵r̷.̷ ̷Y̷o̸u̵ ̴k̷n̶o̶w̴ ̶w̵h̷y̷?̸"̷

dani ashjs

"w-why?" he stuttered, still sitting agaisnt the wall, frozen in fear

"̴B̷e̶c̵a̷u̶s̸e̷ ̴I̵'̶m̷ ̷f̶i̷n̸a̶l̷l̴y̸ ̴i̶n̴ ̴c̷o̸n̴t̸r̶o̵l̴,̸ ̵e̵i̵t̶h̵ ̵n̶o̶ ̴o̴n̶e̶ ̸h̸e̶r̶e̷ ̴t̷o̵ ̶s̵ ̵t̸ ̴o̸ ̴p̷ ̶ ̵m̷ ̶e̵.̶"̵ Anti's voice went deeper at the end, showing how serious he was.

dani ashjs

"what are your intentions?" dark tried to get up, he hated being so defenseless and submissive, he had to look at least a little threatning

Anti stared at Dark, anger riddled in his expresstions. He took his left hand and slammed down on his head. ̸"̸A̴h̷,̸ ̷a̵h̶,̵ ̸a̶h̸,̷ ̸b̶o̸y̶.̵ ̷Y̶o̴u̵ ̵s̶t̷a̶y̸ ̶d̵o̴w̷n̴ ̶u̶n̵t̶i̶l̷ ̸I̵ ̵s̷a̶y̸ ̶y̴o̷u̷ ̸c̶ ̶a̷ ̶n̵.̷"̸ Anti smirked and crouched down in front of Dark. "̸T̶o̵ ̶k̸i̴l̸l̷ ̷o̷f̷f̶ ̸e̵v̶e̶r̴y̸t̷h̷i̴n̸g̴ ̷g̴ ̴o̴ ̸o̸ ̵d̶ ̵i̷n̴ ̵t̵h̵i̵s̸ ̴w̶o̵r̷l̷d̵.j̴u̶s̶t̴ ̵t̷o̴ ̷t̷e̵l̵l̸ ̸y̸a̴.̷"̴

dani ashjs

dark kneeled down in front of anti, he was too scared to look threatning rn "and then what? after everything is dead, what is your objective?" he tried to reasoning with him

Anti stood back and and laughed. "̷A̷n̴d̷ ̸w̴h̶y̶ ̸s̵h̸o̴u̴l̶d̷ ̷I̶ ̸t̶e̸l̷l̸ ̸y̷o̶u̶,̷ ̴b̸o̸y̷?̶"̵ He stated, looking over at him. He stopped smiling and just looked at Dark with a dominant, stern look."̴Y̷o̵u̴'̴r̵e̵ ̵m̶y̴ ̴b̴i̴t̶c̶h̴,̶ ̶n̵o̷t̴ ̴m̸y̴ ̸d̴i̸a̴r̶y̸.̸"̶

dani ashjs

dark sighed.. he didnt know what else to do. maybe... maybe this could be fun? after all, he would still get to kill people, right?... "what am i suppose to do now?"

Anti smiled. "̷S̸i̷t̵ ̴a̴n̴d̷ ̵w̴a̶t̴c̷h̶.̴"̵

#antisepticeye #antisepticeye fanfic #antisepticeye fanfiction #antisepticeye fights #antisepticeye x darkiplier #Darkiplier #darkiplier chat #darkiplier x reader #darkiplier versus antisepticeye

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