#but my car is always dead

[lemongogo]

#waiting for livraz 2 show up^ #elendira #trigun maximum #trigun #lg doodles #mo but im like . going 2 complain for five secodns #but i hate working full time i hate it ive awkays hated it i will always hate it and when im dead ill still be hating on it #NOOO ENERGYY(‘!!!for anything . ever . #like ive given up on hobbies bc it feels soo fcking impossible to do anyrhing that isnt cooking dinner and then passing out 4 the night #miserable existence i want to claw my face off #the oast two yrs have been manageable in the sense that i alws had smt to look forward to #hyperfix or whagever. but these past 6 months r grey.DESOLATE‼️‼️‼️devoid of purpose #elendira outstretched hand lets take ibuprofen together #but its lexapro #anyways . ^__^!!~~ hope uve had a good day today #or did smt fun this week #bHELPPPP #walking 2 my car rn actually .. inagine the virgin walk guy thats like this > 🚶 #metbh #being let out of my hamster cage . only to return 2morrow

[hood-ex]

The desire to have a No Capes AU where the Titans crew go to a boarding school and sneak out at night to read poetry in a cave...

#yes i just watched dead poets society again and yes it made me think some thoughts #no but i can't even think about it properly because that movie always makes me cry so much and now i've got a headache #like literally as soon as the play is over and neil heads for his dad's car--i start crying and i can't stop #and then comes the iconic ''o captain my captain'' scene at the end and i start bawling again #it's just!! so unfair!! and i fuckin love charlie bro!! this time i watched the movie--i noticed something i didn't before #and it's that when all the boys are singing at the school in remembrance of neil--all the guys from the club are singing #EXCEPT FOR CHARLIE!! #just like how when they were doing that exercise on being nonconforming--all the boys were trying to walk around in their own style #EXCEPT FOR CHARLIE! #because charlie was like hey i'm exercising my right to NOT do this exercise--and it's the same thing in the singing scene!! #he's exercising his right to not make himself sing the song when he damn well doesn't feel like it #yeeees nuwanda!!! you go king!! #No Capes AU

[carefulfears]

the biggest thing about elegy is that it takes all of that unspoken isolation of this arc, and it slowly lets the audience in. the first thing that mulder says about the apparitions, is that they seem to be an "omen." an impending prophecy. and carefully, throughout the episode, both the audience and scully are waiting to see, not who the killer is, but what is being foretold. when they're going over records, and scully's nose starts bleeding, it's the one thing that they can't ignore. she wasn't even there in the previous episode. she was in the hospital. alone. they don't talk about it. she's "fine." she has "always been the strong one." just like in irresistible, years earlier, she does not want him to know how much she is struggling. but she doesn't have any control. it is dripping out of her. the sound of his voice when he says "oh, scully." and how quickly she responds "it's okay. i'm fine."

it's that kind of childlike grimace in him, the same man who flinches away from dead bodies and stares at the ground before his father. and she's so fast to try to restore order. it's okay. i'm fine. don't worry, i'll clean it up. i'll make it go away. when she disappears into the bathroom and sees an apparition there herself...i think she decides to go to the hospital because she just needs space, honestly. she's scared. he offers to drive her, to go with her, twice. asks, "you sure?" and she says, twice, "i'm fine."

elegy builds to two separate climaxes: the first, when mulder comes to scully's apartment. but before that, we see scully in karen kosseff's office, the same therapist that she had gone to in irresistible, and presumably has kept a relationship with in the years since. she tells karen that she's been diagnosed with inoperable untreatable cancer, and when karen asks, "you've kept working?" she answers, "yes. it's been important to me."

she's taken aback when karen asks why, is surprised at the question, and tells her "agent mulder has been concerned. he's been supportive, through this time."

KOSSEFF: Do you feel that you owe it to him to continue working?

SCULLY: (quickly) No. (pauses) I guess I never realized how much I rely on him before this...his passion...he's been a great source of strength that I've drawn on.

KOSSEFF: What happened last night, Dana?

SCULLY: I saw something. I, I don't know what to trust. If I saw it because of the stress, because the image had been suggested to me or if it was a suggestion of my own fears.

KOSSEFF: Your fear of failing him?

SCULLY: (exhales emotionally) Maybe.

this is such a rare admission from scully. first of all, she's being confronted. this is not normal. it is not normal to work to your death. it's like bill tells her, a couple of episodes later, "what are you doing at work, getting knocked down, beaten up? what are you trying to prove?"

(she hadn't even told bill about her cancer. she'd been sick for months. she thought she was going to die in memento mori, she knows she's going to die sooner than later. and she instructed her mom not to tell her brother. from the moment that mulder said "i refuse to believe that," it really was only going to go one way.)

she's being confronted. why are you working? (for mulder). do you feel you owe him? (no, i need him).

she's really alone. she's sick. like, she's really sick. she spent the last case in the hospital. she's having a hard time keeping up. she's thinning, and bleeding, and struggling. but there she goes, every day, at every hour. monster chasing. telling him she's fine.

(so much conflict comes from the way that mulder's ignorance perfectly enables scully's repression)

when he shows up, late, at her apartment, he comes in a mile-a-minute, about how he needs her "help" on the case, before asking her what her doctor said. (her answer, of course, being, "i'm fine.")

he tells her that everyone who has seen an apparition, was dying. every person who reported a premonition, was near death themselves.

SCULLY: Harold Spuller is dying too?

MULDER: Well, that's what I need your medical opinion on.

SCULLY: Well, what if he isn't?

MULDER: I would be very surprised. What is a death omen if not a vision of our own mortality? And who among us would most likely be able to see the dead? 

this is one of the most hauntingly isolating moments of the series...he has just told her that she is going to die. and he doesn't know, that that's what he said. she is forced to process it, completely by herself. and she doesn't believe in ghosts, or "premonitions," but she knows that he is right. (when is he not?)

("maybe harold is sicker than we thought he was.")

the second moment that this episode builds to, is the final confrontation between mulder and scully. after the murder is solved. after harold dies.

SCULLY: I saw something, Mulder.

MULDER: What?

SCULLY: The fourth victim. I saw her in the bathroom before you came to tell me.

MULDER: Why didn't you tell me?

SCULLY: Because I didn't want to believe it. Because I don't want to believe it.

MULDER: Is that why you came down here, to prove that it wasn't true?

SCULLY: No, I came down here because you asked me to.

MULDER: Why can't you be honest with me?

SCULLY: (defensively) What do you want me to say? That you're right, that, that I believe it even if I don't? I mean, is that what you want?

MULDER: Is that what you think I want to hear?

SCULLY: (softly) No.

they come really...close here? to talking about it? she almost baits him several times this season. she spends so much of this arc thinking...maybe, this will be it. maybe if she fucks off on assignment, gets a tattoo with another man, he'll say it. maybe if she calls him out for never celebrating her birthday, he'll acknowledge why this is the year he did. maybe if they spend a friday night with a bottle of wine, they'll talk. maybe if she tells him, those things you believe are death omens? i saw it. he'll know.

i can't remember which one of you said that all of their arguments are just how to love each other. she doesn't want to believe. but she's there, because he has asked her to be. even in all of their repressed denial, there is no escaping what's happening. it hangs over both of them.

i love the moments in this arc where she just snaps. in this scene when she says, what do you want from me? do you want me to just believe you? and her quiet resignation, when he makes her answer her own question. no. she knows that's not what he wants.

MULDER: (his voice softens) I know what you're afraid of. I'm afraid of the same thing.

SCULLY: The doctor said I was fine.

MULDER: I hope that's the truth.

SCULLY: (whispers) I'm going home.

"i know what you're afraid of. i'm afraid of the same thing."

except, no, he doesn't. and no, they are not.

but she knows what he's afraid of, just as her therapist had known what she's afraid of ("your fear of failing him?") and so she dodges his admittance with reassurance. she's fine.

that last scene, when she goes out and cries in her car, and she sees harold's ghost in the backseat. she is so alone. she's working on her deathbed. they don't talk about it. she's afraid, and she's not fine, and she is going to "fail" him because she cannot keep herself alive for him, and she can't avoid it. it's in the backseat. it's in the bathroom mirror. it's bleeding out of her.

#here trish #txf.txt #elegy #DANA LOOK OUT!!! YOUR ELEGIES ARE EULOGIZING YOU!!!!!!!!!! #i was saying last night how much i love ‘gethsemane’ as an episode title #and i think that may be my favorite one #but i love ‘elegy’ a lot too #‘a lament for the dead’ #this whole episode is sorrow for the dead and dying #how we cannot catch up to them #and our dying girl at the center. seeing the omens. knowing what’s coming. crying alone in her car. #this show was always so so so resonant and impactful when it came to themes of grief and loss #anyway. there is no beyond the sea etc etc #also i noticed last night that scully mentions how long they've been together a lot during this arc #'in the four years i've known you' in tempus fugit #'i would think after four years' in elegy #'everything that we've done over the past four years' in reduxii #she's taking stock

[nicoscheer]

Ending it with Miles 😭🫶🏽🥹 we’re gonna cry so bad.

But also I love this so much cause like obviously the band and the management heard all the hateful ‘fans’ back when they had to cancel Marlay Park because Alex dared to get laryngitis and this; giving them not only one but 3/4 shows with Miles and an access code is so hilarious to me cause like yeah you very fuckin nasty and disgusting but here ya go ya lil shits now what do you say (pretty please) like this makes all those haters look sooo incredibly dumb and childish (like no patience at all obviously they need time to schedule and arrange all the venues and what not, like have some faith in them just lean back and trust) anyways long story short love this move

I’m having a mental breakdown

Miles via email

#22/08/2023 #holy shit I just woke up #Arctic monkeys #also love that picture of Alex #only Alex could feel so bad about having to cancel one show that he gives us 4 shows 🫶🏽🥹 and Miles #uff the car is not gonna be the first tour without Miles as support/opening act #ending a (near exact) year long tour in Miles’ arms for four days befor riding off into the sunset with him 💅 #I would seriously go complete ignoring my bank account but Uni starts literally that week and I can’t miss that first week for my life fuck #Instagram #I can’t wait for their smiles and hugs #all his friends posting bout miles joining AM 🫠😭🥹 #I’m counting on Rosie to be mothering and giving us videos backstage of them two #I died dead #how Alex probably returned from his holiday in Italy and then met up with Miles when he had finished his promo tour and they were #just sitting on the settee drinking and chatting and then Alex asks him if Miles would like to join them for Ireland and on both their faces #a gigantic smiles just blooms and they grin at each other like the stupid lovesick idtios that they are before going in for one of their #trademark hugs and just cuddling and whispering to each other what they’ll do in Ireland together and and 😭😭 #also like this screams we needed to find a opening act in short notice so we obviously Turned to Miles and that’s so sweet it’s like yeah we #know he’ll always have our back just like we have his #Miles kinda feels like the peace offering here 🤣 #also like yes they’ll have endless time after the fourth gig but also before that because the monkeys are done on the 7th in America so they #have an entire week before that first Ireland gig just to practice (new/old songs) and spend time together #okay but hear me out what if: Miles Kane and the death ramps comeback ?!! huh what then

[oatbugs]

anyway this upcoming trip w my gf. will decide a lot i think

#travelling tgth can tell u a lot abt a person #my gf has quite strong anxiety #but nevertheless for me. i know i cant be rly in a relationship w someone who becomes like #irritable and panicked and clueless under pressure instead of looking at it like a fun challenge or an adventure #like genuinely the attitude of becoming snappy when travel stress hits is smth ive seen in my parents and i Cannot deal w it personally #ive been held up a lot at the border and ive been trapped in foreign countries cities w a dead phone at 4 AM etc #and somehow its always been an adventure esp when im w a friend w a similar outlook of like. omg this will be a good story to tell later #lets make the most of it let's sit on the beach or find a bar thats still open lets discuss smth we love until sunrise!! #anyway i know shes an anxious person but regardless of that being . not pessimistic and enjoying adventure and stuff #is so important to me in a person. it reflects not just on travel but abt how they will handle life later yk. what happens if our car #stops in the middle of the road? will you start freaking out about it? will you be calm through it? #so #well see #i hope it goes well i love her sm

[tchaikovskaya]

I could/should elaborate when I’m not falling asleep as I am rn but like. I feel like for the people who you “mourn” who have died young and/or suddenly who you knew only in passing, or only casually interacted with, or were once close to but in the years between then and their death you barely spoke, etc etc etc, you arent actually mourning them or their presence in ur life (and now palpable absence) (supposedly) but just what it means to be a human on earth who has to grapple with inevitable loss and the immense weight of what a Person is and their footprint on everyone they interact with that is fleeting even tho there are several billions of us on the floating rock but none of those billions of lifetimes are ever overlapping 100%…. sigh :/

#context a student who graduated last semester (undergrad) died in a car crash like 500 miles away #and one of my fellow grad students/TAs and a few of his former profs are so upset about it and like……… #u barely knew this kid I mean of course I feel terrible that someone with his life ahead of him was snuffed out in the blink of an eye #but like…….. if u had never found out about this. or if this hadn’t happened and he went on to live a boring long life #he would mean next to nothing to u !!! u would be none the wiser! u would probz not even recognize his name in 10 years! why are u crying!!! #idk I would be less ANNOYED and hashtag BOTHERED by it if the same people didnt say such nasty derogatory shit about their undergrads #like every other time I talk to u about mundane news ur complaining about how ur students are all lazy untalented idiots #but now THIS ONE who was never meaningful to u before THIS GUY is SPECIAL to u…? u mourn him? #2 weeks ago if I showed u his student ID photo u would struggle to remember his name but NOW HE MEANS SOMETHING #NOW THAT HES GONE AND IT DOESNT FUCKING MATTER ANYMORE NOW HE MEANS SOMETHING TO YOU #tldr if ur still reading lmao I feel like this stuff is always about yourself and almost never about the dead person #which is valid in its own way I mean I’ve literally cried after passing mangled cars and ambulances with people who defs aren’t gonna surviv #but it’s never been about their life’s overlap with mine and retconning some kind of memorable or emotional significance to it #idk why I’m so emotional about this in like 3 separate directions but it’s just so fucking frustrating !!!!!!! 🥲🤡

[lesbaurinkos]

me & my bestie have this Dan Theory basically where like 09-kinda 2012-ish is laura palmer in varying ways, then like 2013-2017 is Dead Wife In A Movie, then 2018-present well that's princess diana. basically. and thats our truth in our hearts

#common denominator is hes always a doomedgirl. but the way in which he is one varies #of course he can be incredibly dead wife in a movie at ALL times. for example the japhan 2023 pictures? dead wife in a movie for sure #and that is of course because phil cant Not photograph him like hes in love with him. makes me ill. whatever. anyway not the point #that middle dead wife in a movie section also overlaps early years too. peak dead wife in a movie is legendary cars & telephones amv OBVS #which you understand of course. you must. #anyway everyone should support my dear bestie tumblr user thatbin my co-philosopher on these matters. xo!

[pixiestein]

do u think frankie ever feels weird about wearing a dead person’s face

#a dead teenager no less #like even to a monster that’s so tragic and disturbing to walk around using the face of someone who’s life was cut short in probably a very #horrible way #cus when a teenager dies it’s always pretty fucked up #like an illness or a car accident or smth #and then using that persons face everyday #it’s like recycling but in a fucked up disturbing way #when u think about monster high characters backstories it becomes 100% more fucked up #oh haha so draculaura lost both her parents and became a vampire while she was painfully dying from the plague #oh and cleo was trapped in a tomb for centuries and still is traumatized from it #haha no worries i’m just gonna bang my head against the way for a lil bit #ALSO ROBECCA LITTERALLY GOT DESTROYED???? LIKE EVERY PIECE OF HER BODY RIPPED APART???? #AND NO ONE WENT TO JAIL FOR THAT??????? #THEY JUST LET THE GARGOYLES KEEP PLAYING SKRM AFTER THEY LITERALLY MURDERED SOMEONE????? #AND THEY USED PART OF HER BODY AS THE TROPHY????? #SICK FUCKS??????? #monster high #mh #monster high gen 1 #monster high gen 3 #frankie stein #draculaura #cleo de nile #robecca steam

[jrueships]

diggs/allen

#diggs: always trying to match a certain aesthetic even when hes mad #walks around the house wearing sequined ruby red outfits expensive clothes dresses up even to go nowhere #wakes up 5 hours early before morning even starts to get ahead on his skincare routine and STILL has to rush out the door #touching up on his teeth flossing using the car mirror to help #whines and moans abt his beauty products running low until someone else has to go out and buy more for him #vs wake up 1 minute before i have to leave .. say bye to my dogs.. then leave josh #no brushing teeth no shower no clothes prepicked out #he eats his peeling dead skin to replenish his new skin #cant spend more than 1 second doing anything. needs to be on the move learning. no time for preening !! #it drives diggs crazy but diggs also is a sucker for adventure so they somehow work #josh drives trying not to crash while diggs insists on trying to AT LEAST apply some chapstick on those lips PLEASE josh PLEASE #he grabs his chin and makes him turn to face him despite allen needing to see the road #josh lets him #they crash (out of the playoffs) #diggs/allen

[bunnyb34r]

Well glad to know I'm not the only one not feeling the Christmas season this year. Mom isnt either

Now we dont know why, but here are my guesses. Feel free to place your bets.

Is it:

Bc our aunt/great-aunt died and essentially dissolved the family

|_> Bc of this we've faced so much bullshit from the surviving family we have left.

Bc the only remaining family we have are major assholes aside from like 4 people.

Long covid?

Work stress/ working under a tyrant piece of shit.

Bc I'm an adult now so the *magic* is gone?

All of the above??

#marquilla #we still havent made cookies and are like i want the cookies but i dont want to make the cookies... #so we agreed we can do it after christmas if need be #i really think it's all of that combined. like my g-aunt dying really tore this family apart. we weren't like close close before but i mean #everyone started taking sides (the executors (my mom) vs my cousins. like listen you motherfuckers she left you [insert number bc i also #got this amount and am not disclosing]. you little freaks need to get over the fact that she loved me as much as if not more than you. #maybe bc i wasn't a fucking entitled brat and was always a polite well behaved child (for her) and didnt take my mommy/daddy issues out on #her. you already got: 2 free cars. 3 fully paid for weddings. 4 college degrees (one that you're not even using bc you havent worked since #college bc you became a tradwife. (not dissing stay at home moms im dissing her making college a BIG DEAL for her and then just #essentially saying haha thanks for the 100k in tuition but no ❤). COUNTLESS hours and money poured #into your lives from her and our g-uncle. amongst the 4 of you. (only 1 is not a brat but thats bc they pretend she doesnt exist bc shes #annoying and autistic so a drain on them they were ever so happy to dump on their dad) #you aren't entitled to any of that. that was a GIFT. your inheritance was well thought out. it is an insult for you to suggest otherwise #anyway so theyre being whiny brats and oh boo hoo you exects are SO MEAN to poor Ally who didnt sign the fucking will and thus held up #$50k FROM A CHURCH. and my uncle (not their dad. their moms brother) is taking their side. his wife is a massive piece of shit ab it too. #dont know whose side dog cousin is on bc shes close to my mom but very close to them. and i know lesbian cousin is on moms side to some #degree. and idgaf what Murderer cousin thinks bc that bitch can and will rot in hell. #so anyway any one we could possibly spend time with this season is either dead or hates us. or lives states away and won't be in til after #and only for a day anyway. and we just dont have the fucking energy to deal with anything

[onebilliondrawings]

redrawing sum of my old ocs i think i might also give them a re-design

#id in alt text #digital art #original character #oc art #the lady's sloane n the fella's igor. they were part of my superhero story #they started off very very loosely based off some other characters but even that version got so bastardized they're different now #not sure if you can tell who they're based off of but if i point out that #igor was brought back from the dead by his former henchman can you start to guess 🤦‍♂️ #he's chill now entirely unrelated to sloane. like he met sloane way after his whole Arc and she's like ok word #she works at an aquarium #in the story she was the tired civilian type...like always running into supervillains at the bank and shit #and she was sick of it #vibe of 'my car got thrown at an alien but rent is $25/mo so...' #sloane wilt #igor youngblood

[mobydyke]

I can't believe people hate barcelona by queen. do u also hate having fun? how much of a snob can u be? like I'm sorry do u not find any joy listening to freddy mercury sing with an opera singer about a never-ending love? like damn couldn't be me. get well soon I guess

#this is a queen fan blog always (the band! fuck that old dead hag) but ESPECIALLY for songs everyone hates #i also love innuendo and im in love with my car like. *squidward voice* we like unpopular queen songs here #ace txt #sorry im Posting™️ today. im gonna go make a west wing/black sails edit once i finish this bread so I'll shut up for a few hours

[burger-goblin]

can i get an f in the chat

just had to send my 21-year old car off to the retirement home and, since she was my first car, i'm feeling like a big ol baby about it

#owned her for 11 years but she fell into disrepair after i had back surgery and couldn't drive #she just sat in the lot and deteriorated. wouldn't start and needed more money than she was worth to get running again #that car saw me through some of the worst years of my life and took all my abuse. she would always start and get me from a to b #except that time i got run off the highway by some fuckin rat bastard in a lifted f150 #fr thought i was dead because i dove off the hwy into pitch black nothingness. but she gently took me down the slope and stopped me in the #middle of a water runoff. then she was still able to keep going forward and only stopped when she got stuck in the mud as i tried to #get back onto a road. she just kept going #a very good and sturdy car‚ despite her flaws (broken windshield wipers/windows wouldn't roll down/no horn) #i will. miss her very much

[cetoddle]

i want die

#i’m so sick of the way my family treats me #they always take everything out on me #they always have #i don’t know why like i literally didn’t do anything #my sorry excuse for a f*ther STILL refuses to fix my car #he claimed he ‘didn’t know if i had plans this weekend’ #you stupid fucking bitch you know i don’t. i even TOLD him i’m not going anywhere #BECAUSE i want him to just fix my fucking car !!! #so i told him okay im not going anywhere until tuesday #and he got all defensive and fucking had the nerve to snap at me about how he’s going to do it tmrw morning #oh? like you’ve been saying you’ll do for four goddamn months? #then i tried saying something to my mom and she didn’t hear me #it wasn’t important so i just said never mind and she got SO mad at me #what the fuck did i do to deserve to be treated like this huh #i want to get out of here. i need to get out of here #but actually more than that i wish i was dead #no one can treat me like shit if i’m a corpse in the ground #snow.txt

[twd-obsessed-bitch]

Love when a semi truck driver almost kills me on my way home that's not terrifying at all

#listen #im one of those people that does NOT fuck with semis #i stay way back #i make sure theres always enough stopping room between me and them #because if i in my tiny ass car gets hit by a semi #im dead or paralyzed #long story short #i almost got rear-ended by a semi truck that was doing atleast 90km/h while accelerating after a red light

[neonpigeons]

in my "afraid of everything" era

#is it anxiety? probably #i've been extra paranoid lately over things that are legitimate threats but not like. a real pressing concern #like bears? grizzly bears? was in the woods on saturday and i was like ''if i see a bear im gonna shit'' but we didn't #i didn't want anything to happen to noodle #but my friend had a shotgun to scare them off so we were fine #i also heard coyotes the other night while walking and im also afraid of them going after noodle so i haven't walked in over a week #AND ALSO THERE'S A SERIAL KILLER that's in a town that isnt THAT far away from where i live #the funny thing is that my fears are making me fall asleep at a decent time cuz I don't like being out at night alone anymore #gah I've also always had a fear of predator animals attacking and eating me but it's been worrying me more lately idk why #when i was a kid my aunt lived in the deep woods of oregon #and a mountain lion killed some of their baby cows and i unfortunately saw the dead cows. when i was a kid #it fucked me up more than i wanted to admit and i was always so fucking scared of an animal gutting ME #like when i delivered pizzas at my last job and i had to go to the more remote areas closer to the foothills #the fear i always had in the back of my head 😵‍💫 #everyone always thought i was silly for it!! they were like ''cougars are afraid of cars they wouldn't bother you'' #okay but im holding a tasty fucking pizza in my hands? covered in meat? im a walking slab of meat? what if one is especially hungry?? #hgkfnkshfsk okay sorry im fine it's fine i am safely in my home it's okay. i need to stop freaking out over nothing #ari speaks #sorry for the long ass tags #if you've gotten this far i love you and i hope you have a wonderful day 😚💌🫂 #oh this also doesn't even dive into my fear of love and human interaction. but i should maybe save that for a therapist #...if i ever get another one