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#but nonetheless i’m absolutely sick of living a lie for the past 10 years!
steelyoru · 3 years
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just drafted an Official Coming Out letter to my family so……. that’s happening sometime soon
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youn9racha · 3 years
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I Know (Part I)
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Pairing: Changbin x fem!reader
Genre: suggestive
Word count: 1.9k
Warning: slight adult content, swearing, suggestive actions, elements of stalker behavior
Extra notes: characters mentioned are all above the age 21 years, a lot of hatred towards the male figure lol. Also this is my first time writing on tumblr, so please bare with me, it may not be the best, but I still hope you enjoy it :)
And baby, I know, I know whatever city you’re in, you’re still the boy that I’d pick…
part ii is up !!!
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This is no way representative of the way Stray Kids act. They’re nothing but references of character, and in no shape or form is this how they act. And I am in no way romanticizing or glamorizing any toxic behavior exhibited, they’re just stories that is meant to be read. Readers discretion is advised
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Men…
Truly the scums of the Earth, who do no good for no one, and are an absolute menace to society. But oh, do I enjoy the looks of their faces at times. The way they would look at me with full hope and infatuation, with full beliefs that I would step down and give them all they want from me.
Hmph. How cute… and pathetic. How pathetic to assume and lower my standards for them. They all are the same. All but one however.
All that men hating… and yet, only one I’d be willing to go down to his level.
Yes, its him… He whom a lot would have not sought to be with, not many would expect a bombshell like myself would be with. But I do not see that in him, not an ounce of what many insecure individuals would see. I see something striking that not many could see, an underrated dignified beauty that anyone could wish to admire. A fanciable and irresistible personality and face.
He was a man.. but a pleasant one.
It all started when I moved in into a new flat for myself. I previously left the old complex due to the cramped environment I had that left me feeling uneasy and stressed, as well as it wasn’t even my apartment, it was for my partner, well, ex-partner. It was simply wasn’t working out, due to our seeming never ending conflicts. But enough of the past, let us move on..
I found this flat that is comfortable and the rent pays well, its only downside is that my room’s window is faced to the next door’s flat, however it’s not a big detriment or big turn off for me so it was fine by me, and also it was prone to have random, yet rare, blackout, but then again what neighborhood doesn’t have that. Anyhow, I was set to take the complex, but before I did, I have noticed something about the neighbor’s window next to me. It was a man. A really good looking one too. Giving his side profile, he was laying on his bed, his black hair covered head bopping with earphones placed in ears, laptop placed in his revealing shorts adorned lap. My eyes began started to stare into his arms then onto his naked well built chest, which indicates that he likes to keep up with his health, as his ring adorned hands was tapping away in his keyboard. I quickly looked away when I saw him repositioned his laptop, and walked out of the soon-to-be my room.
Great… I’ve entered Hell.
But I didn’t let it affect my decisions and got the apartment nonetheless, here I am now, weeks after the incident, sitting in my car, outside of the building, still thinking about the man in his laptop. Has he noticed that I was staring at him? Does he know that there’s gonna be someone living next to him? I hope not. And if he has, I must apologize to him. But before that, let me unload my car. I have gradually put my stuff into the complex as the days go by, it seems dragging, but it felt like the time went by fast, so I’m glad I have done that. However, today was different, as I took stuff more than I usually did, as I desperately do not want to go back to my ex. Typically, I never had assistance, as usually my best friend would join in and help out, but at a time I needed them the most, they had to be really sick. They still were willing to help, but I insisted that they shouldn’t and should rest.
After thinking, I sighed and got out my car, ready to fight the battle that is putting my stuff into my complex. I opened the trunk, eyes meeting my stuff, and I begin to groan. ‘Dammit, (y/n), why do you have that many stuff?!’ I thought to myself. I really should’ve had at least one more visit to my ex, but alas I picked to just take all all together in one day. I picked up a box until..
“Need any help?” I heard someone behind me asking me. I turned around and looked at the source. ‘God damn, is it just me, or does this town just bring out more attractive people?’ I thought to myself, as I see a man that looked like he could be at a museum. He had a sandy brown curly hair, slightly tanned skin, really plump and a crazy jawline. He donned a tank top that barely covered his side torso, and basket ball shorts that complimented his really nice, thick… thighs… yeah… Needless to say he was really attractive.
It seems that I was ogling him, rather than responding, as he shyly smiled and waved his hand in front of my face, “hello,” he softly said as I shook my head and looked back at his face apologetically.
“I am so sorry, I am just really tired, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” I cringed at my pathetic way of justifying of me literally internally lusting over him. I really am turning into someone I dread to be. How can I forgive myself?
“That’s okay, I know how moving can get tiring, and I sense that you’re alone, so please let me and my friend help you out.” He said, sympathetically smiling a sweet smile, already grabbing a box out of my hand. God, if this man has a partner, then they’re the luckiest person ever, and if he’s single, I’ll gladly hand him a ring. What am I saying? (y/n), what the hell has gotten into you?!
“I’m Christopher, but you can call me Chris or Chan, whichever you prefer is fine, what’s your name?” The generous man’s voice interrupted my inner battle and I found myself looking at him again. “(y/n)” I smiled at him, which he nodded back.
“Nice to meet you,” Chan said, looking back and see that his friend showed up, meanwhile, I went back to my trunk and got out more stuff from my car “oh, there he is!” Chan enthusiastically announced.
“(y/n), meet my friend and roommate, Changbin.” Chris said, while I got out the box and looked at the other man, my face shifted from contentment to horrific.
Its the man with the laptop.
“Hello? Chan, are you sure she’s okay?” Changbin looked at Chris with worry. “Yeah, she’s just tired, just nudge her.”
It’s like Chris knew me too well, despite meeting for less than 10 minutes, as Chris slightly pushed me with the box, not enough to hurt me, but enough to put me out of a trance.
“huh? I did it again, did I?” I looked at Chan, worryingly, which he nodded. I looked back at Changbin and the pathetic act was brought up again.
“I am so sorry, I don’t know what has gotten into me.” I apologized once again, which Changbin only smirked. “Don’t worry about it,” He said, carrying a box. Something about that smirk and tone seems off. Not off in a menacing way, but off in a… coy way. Maybe not the best term to use, maybe I am just over analyzing, but I am for sure either winning the lottery tonight, or convinced that the sun will rise from the west tomorrow, since I have two very attractive men helping out, one of which is someone whom I may have an odd fascination for a while now.
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The two have been nothing but a delight to interact with, their help with the stuff had done me even more than just a solid. However, I still in a way feel a bit unsettled by Changbin. It wasn’t that he was a creep, or did anything to make me uncomfortable, its just this feeling of guilt I carry with me. Meanwhile, I didn’t attempt anything, and I just simply just admired him from afar, it still felt wrong that I was just looking at him while he was barely wearing anything, let alone while not him paying attention. Despite this, it seems that he doesn’t know that I did what I did, which is why I chose to confront him about it when the time is right, which is probably when we start getting even more comfortable. I have exchanged numbers with both men, even though I could probably just go out my window and yell out their names, but I’d rather not disturb the peace.
Two good looking men are now my neighbors… Who would have thought? Whichever entity that is in existence have decided to play with me, because to them, my humiliation would be their laughing stock, because they definitely would have seen what is to become of me.
Its been a week in since I moved, and interacted with the two Chans, and I am glad that a curtain was installed onto my room, just so I wouldn’t carry even more guilt than I already do. But the thing is, I would lie that I still haven’t thought of Changbin. While I would have thought that Chris fitting into more of my ideal type, Changbin however held a mysterious power that Chan didn’t.
Ever since the time I first laid eyes on Changbin, he has never left my mind. He has started to creep up in my fantasies and dreams in every way shape of form. I couldn’t stop thinking of how his arms would look around my waist, how his lips would feel in my skin, or how his hands would wander around, exploring places that many men often fail to find to make me feel good, or how his voice would be like when talking as he puts his mouth by my ear— God, this is getting out of hand, I would think.
What if he had a girlfriend? What if he wasn’t attracted to women in general? What if he finds you a creep?
So many more endless questions would come in to ruin me, but its not like i have a choice, he just happened to settle into my dreams and thoughts, and went with it.
I decided to take a shower to try and distract myself from these thoughts, which didn’t help at all, as the hot water cascading my skin did nothing but accelerated my lustful thoughts. I decided to get out of the shower, as it didn’t help my case.
Damn you, Changbin.
I sighed, put on some underwear and a robe while having a towel wrapped around my hair. I got out of the bathroom and back to my room. It was dark out, and in my room, the only light came out of it were my night lamp, which barely lit up the whole room. I checked the window, making sure Changbin wasn’t there, or at least not facing the window, only to see his window being covered with curtains.
Great timing, could’ve used that when I first saw you, dipshit.
But nonetheless, I was really glad at least he wasn’t visible. I laid back on my bed, and decided to look through social media, as anyone should. While in the middle of a instagram scroll, I see a caller popping through at the top of the screen…
It was Changbin.
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thatmultifandomhoe · 3 years
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Knitting You a Home - 4
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Pairing: Wolf Hybrid Namjoon and Human Reader
Word Count: 2,853
Genre/Rating: Hybrid AU - Established Relationship - Angst - Fluff - Smut - PG-13
Overview: Things have changed for you and Namjoon. It’s been a year since the two of you got together, and despite a rocky start, it was impossible to deny the bond and love you shared for each other. But ever since Hoseok had been separated from his Mate, Namjoon has been withdrawing himself from you and doesn’t come home until late at night.
With questions far larger than either of you imagined, you can’t help but wonder if he’s let his past and old fears come back to haunt him. You had shown him that it was possible to have a home and be loved once before, but will you be able to do it again?
Warning: None.
Playlist:
Main Master List:
Knitting You a Home Master List:
Mated Love is Never Easy Series Master List:
Sneak Peak - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9 - Part 10 - Part 11 - Part 12 - Part 13 - Part 14 - Part 15 - ?
©thatmultifandomhoe Do not repost, translate, or use my stories without permission.
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Grandma was perched on the chair at the register with her knitting, the needles lightly clicking against each other as she moved the yarn forwards and backwards all without looking at her work. It was a skill she acquired from years of practice.
Instead, she watched as you buzzed around the store, arranging and then rearranging displays even though each attempt didn’t look different from the last. It had been amusing within the first ten minutes, but after watching you do this all around the store, she knew something was off, whether or not you wanted to admit it.
“Honey,” Grandma called out, hands still moving as she raised an eyebrow at you. “Did you put something in your breakfast this morning that I should know about? Perhaps you thought it was sugar that you put in your coffee, but it really wasn’t?”
Usually a comment like that would have made you pause and laugh, but you didn’t. Instead, you licked your lip as you glanced at her for a few seconds before adjusting the decorative jade scarf on display.
“I had cereal for breakfast Grandma,” you softly answered, nose scrunching at how the scarf was now set.
The store itself was quiet with the lack of shoppers allowing the conversation to easily pass between you and your Grandmother with ease to keep it from silent. When you didn’t even hear the clicking of her knitting needles, you felt unnerved in the silence.
Turning around, you were surprised to see her arms crossed over her chest, the purple beads attached to her glasses glimmering as she propped them on the top of her head. It had been years since she had looked at you like this; an instant reminder of the days in high school when you attempted to be rebellious.
“What is going on? You’ve managed to do a week’s worth of work in the four hours that we’ve been open.”
You shrugged, looking away and at the scarf. It had been one of Grandmother’s creations. Ideally, it was meant to be worn at events rather than for warmth. “I fell asleep early last night. That’s all.”
It wasn’t a lie. After weeks of waiting up for Namjoon to come home, you finally couldn’t find the strength to stay up, crashing at eleven. You weren’t entirely sure when he came home last night, but when the alarm went off at seven thirty, he was already gone. Unlike you where you needed to be at the store for nine, he had to be at the studio for eight. But like every morning the coffee maker was already set and your favorite mug was waiting, prepared for you by Namjoon himself. All you had to do was press the button to start it.
Grandma shook her head though. Standing up, she walked around the counter and once she was in front of you, pressed her cool hand against your forehead.
The gesture made you smile. “I’m not sick Grandma.”
“I think I’ll decide that,” she teased, gently bopping a finger against the tip of your nose like she had when you were a child. “You may not be sick, but you’re bottling something up for sure.”
She always knew when you were dealing with an issue. As a child, you thought she was able to use magic to sense these types of things, and even though you were now an adult, you still liked to believe that she was magical. Especially when it worked in her favor.
“It’s nothing serious,” you half admitted, smiling up at her. “Namjoon’s just been pulling a lot of hours at the studio, so he’s there more than he’s at home.”
Raising an eyebrow, she ran her fingers through your hair. “He should tell his boss that his wife needs him at home.”
With a giggle, you stepped back once she removed her hand and went back to the scarf display. This time determined to drape it in a way that was pleasing to the eye. “His wife, doesn’t want to interfere with her husband’s career.”
“Please, the two of you are young and in your first year of marriage. He should be with you, in a certain room, in that cozy house of yours that has a few empty bedrooms.” Grandma sent a knowing grin to you, chuckling as you simply shook your head.
“Almost a year,” you corrected. “We’ve known each for a year, but he gave me the Mate Mark in November.”
Grandma hummed, making her way over to a wicker basket that held knitted rabbits dressed in thin sweaters and dresses. They were a hit with young children, perfect as baby shower gifts, and you absolutely loved to make them.
“Which proves my point even more. You’ve been married a little less than a year, and you’re both working like an old married couple.” Holding a bunny, she waved the rabbit’s arm at you. “As your Grandmother and your business partner, I’m telling you that you need a vacation. Go home, take a few days off and sleep in. I can run the shop on my own.”
“Grandma, I’m fi-”
“Yes, you’re fine,” Grandma interrupt. “You’re saying it but I’m not believing it one bit.”
A part of you wanted to argue for a little bit longer, expect all that came out was a sigh of frustration. You were more than capable of working for the rest of the day, but standing by the mannequin, Grandma was right. It was time to recharge yourself, and if you were going to figure out why Namjoon was acting so strange, it would help if you weren’t at the shop all day long. Glancing at the calendar, you realized that it was only Tuesday. How were you already so done with the week when it only just began?
“Alright,” you agreed, setting done the scarf once and for all to head towards the office. “I’ll go home, take that vacation.”
Her excited cheers were ignored as you went to gather your belongings, smiling nonetheless. As much as you teased her, you did love her dearly and were grateful to have Grandmother in your life.
Grabbing your purse, you gave her one last hug and reminded her that you’d be back on Monday before leaving the shop, the little bell jingling in your wake. The car was parked in the back-parking lot, but instead of guiding you there, your feet took you to the right, walking the short distance to another shop that was six doors down from yours.
The air conditioning hit like a wave washing off the summer heat as you entered the bookstore. From nowhere in particular soft music danced around the shop. It had been a while since you last saw Sarah and after everything, you were curious as to how she was doing considering that Hoseok was leaving at the end of the month.
“Be right there,” Sarah called out, her voice coming from a corner of the store that you couldn’t quite see.
“Or I can come to you?” You suggested, releasing the smile when she called out your name in glee.
Following the sound of her voice and books thumping on the floor, you weren’t surprised to see Sarah sitting cross legged on the floor in front of a bookcase. “Well I’m happy to see you like this instead of the last time I saw you.”
Sarah laughed, leaning over to hug you once you sat down next to her. “Believe me, I am too. What are you doing here? I thought you’d be at the shop.”
“Grandma insisted I needed a vacation.” You carefully leaned against a bookcase as Sarah continued to stack the shelf.
“Well I mean, you do,” Sarah agreed, glancing in your direction. “Besides that, how’ve you been? I’ve been meaning to text you but ever since Hoseok signed the contract, we’ve been running around trying to figure out what he needs before leaving for Seoul.”
You shrugged, spotting a romance novel with a crown on the cover. “I’m alright. Just…has Namjoon been in lately?”
Her hand paused its task at the mention of his name, this time turning to face you completely. Like your shop had been, the bookstore was currently free of customers. While that tended to be a worry, it was only noon and typical during the week. The weekend was when business really went to town.
“Actually, now that I think about it, he hasn’t been in these last few weeks. I think the last time I saw him was before the Dance Studio’s May show. Why, is something wrong?”
Licking your lips, you turned the book over, grazing the description with your fingertips. It wasn’t unlike Namjoon to skip out on his trips to the bookstore. It had been the first place he went to on his own when he first came to live with you and it was a habit he kept, always excited to tell you about the new sonnets and books he got that day.
It was strange for him to not be coming to the bookstore.
You knew when this all started, and you didn’t think Sarah wanted to be reminded of that so soon. “He’s just been working longer hours,” you said again, faking a smile when she raised an eyebrow. Guilt swirled in your heart from keeping the truth from her, but the last thing you wanted was to have her relive what Sue put her through. Even if it was just by remembering.
Luckily, Sarah nodded after a few moments. Whether or not she believed you, she didn’t mention it. “Oh well he’s probably just tired then. I know I tend to forget things when I’m not running on enough sleep.”
You chuckled in agreement, handing her back the book you had been looking at. “Yeah.”
A comfortable silence fell as Sarah began to re-stack the shelf again. You took the chance to look at her, noticing the differences since the last time you saw her. Namjoon had explained that Hybrids were able to sense everyone’s emotions and that depending on how severe they were, another person’s emotions could affect theirs as well.
When you had gotten the call from Sarah, her voice breaking over the line as she sobbed into the phone, scaring both you and Namjoon – who had been standing nearby and heard it all clear as day – while you hurried to gather your things to go see her. Before even reaching the car, you knew it was bad. She hadn’t even locked her door so when you arrived at her apartment that day, you had walked right in and found her curled up in bed, cheeks blotchy as she cried into her pillow.
It never crossed your mind that by telling Sue about what Colin had been doing would result in the choices that had been made. Guilt had been an unwelcomed guest in your heart and mind during Sarah and Hoseok’s separation. Despite all your attempts to reign in your emotions at home that night, Namjoon had picked up on them so much that as soon as he came home, he was right there by your side, hugging and sweetly kissing you and your Mate Mark, reassuring you that was never going to happen between the two of you.
Despite his promises, it already felt like there was a rift between you and him.
“How are you and Hoseok?” You asked.
Sarah smiled as she ran a hand through her hair, revealing the side of her neck where her own Mate Mark was. To any onlooker – and with some distance – every Mate Mark looked like an identical scar from a bite. Someone who you never met could have one that look just like yours, but upon closer inspection, it was easy to tell that no two were alike. How could they be identical? Namjoon’s jaw and teeth were different from Hoseok’s. It was the finer details; the grooves and ridges were their own individual shape.
“Amazing,” Sarah breathed out. “It’s just so good to have him back home. He finally got the rest of his belongings from Sue since she’s planning on moving, but it finally feels like everything is going right for us.”
It appeared that way too. There was a life in Sarah’s eyes that when you had gone to check on her with Hoseok gone, had been burnt out. You were scared that she was going to fall into a depressive state without him, but it was a miracle that she managed to fight against it and try to live her life, even when her Mate had been taken away.
A part of you wanted to believe that, if for some reason you lost Namjoon, you’d be able to continue living. Deep down however, you knew how easy it would be slip under the covers and not care, and not know that the days were blending together.
It did surprise you how easily she had mentioned Sue though. “Have you heard much from her?”
The smile on her face flickered, and you thought that maybe you had made a mistake.
“No. Actually, Hoseok’s been the one to talk to her when it came to scheduling a time to go over and pack his stuff.” Her fingers tightened around a hardcover and somewhere in the store, the clock chimed at the half hour. “I’m trying, but…it’s going to be a long time.”
Reaching over, you gently squeezed her shoulder as her words died out, not needing an explanation for how she felt. You knew what she meant and if you were being honest, if someone had done the same to you and Namjoon, you didn’t think you’d ever be able to forgive them.
It was as she was taking a deep breath that Sarah tapped the book and snapped her finger at you, drawing a grin out of you. “Since you’re on vacation, you can give these to Namjoon to look at.”
She hurried to the desk, leaving you to take your time as you stood up, lower back popping as you joined her. By the time you leaned on the wooden desk, Sarah had a stack of six hardcovers waiting for you. The pages were yellowed and upon opening the top one, the musty smell of an aged book greeted you. While you loved to read as well, you didn’t get overly excited over the famous book smell that you knew Namjoon and Sarah died for.
“I found them at this flea market Hoseok and I went to,” Sarah explained, opening up another one. The text was small and centered, and as you took a closer look, you realized that they were books of poetry.
“How much for them?” You asked, turning your purse to pull out your wallet.
Sarah waved her fingers though, lightly slapping your hand when you still tried to take it out. “Don’t worry about it. They’re a gift.”
“Are you sure?”
“If you do not accept these on Namjoon’s half, I will pick up the phone and call your Grandmother right now Missy,” Sarah playfully threatened, her smile about ready to break her face in half.
For a moment, there was silence in the little shop, but it didn’t last long as you both broke out in laughter. Even as you agreed and she bagged them up for you, you slipped a few dollars in the little donation jar that her boss insisted be put out.
“Now, why don’t you head home,” Sarah suggested, walking around the desk, and hugged you. “Steal a nap before Namjoon comes home tonight.”
“He’s probably going to be working until midnight again,” you said, accepting the bag.
But Sarah smirked at you, wiggling her eyebrows in a way that sent you into a fit of giggles. “Not unless you call him and tell him that you need him.”
“You are just as bad as my Grandmother,” you teased, walking towards the door.
Sarah just laughed as you headed outside, shaking your head in amusement. You knew that they meant well, but it was starting to worry you that everyone seemed to be concerned about your sex life with Namjoon, or apparently, the lack of one.
It wasn’t as if you didn’t have one – Namjoon had his heats like every other Hybrid – with everything that’s been going on, there just hadn’t been time to relax and get in the mood. You knew that Sarah was still relatively newly mated to Hoseok, so it wouldn’t surprise you if they were going at it whenever the desire struck.
But as you got into the car, the books for Namjoon carefully sitting on the passenger seat, you weren’t able to stop thinking about it. It felt like forever since Namjoon indicated that he wanted more than a few kisses or a few minutes of cuddling.
Again, despite knowing his love for you, your mind wandered to the other place, hands gripping the steering wheel tighter than usual. He hadn’t always had to stay so late, so why had things changed so suddenly?
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waiting4inspiration · 5 years
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Truth and Trickery II: The Test
Summary: You discover something that you wish you had with Thor beside you
Warnings: mentions of dark content, mentions of a divorce, mentions of pregnancy, if I missed anything please let me know
Pairings: thor x reader, steve x reader (divorced)
Truth and Trickery Masterlist II Marvel Masterlist
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(Gif does not belong to me. Credit to the owner. Found it on Google :))
You and Thor made an important decision about your wedding within a few days. Where you were going to get married. You argued the fact that because you were born in Midgard, you should marry here and then do some celebratory feast in Asgard when you return after a short honeymoon. Of course, you kind of had to explain what a honeymoon was, but after a playful fight (which resulted in a heated make-out session) he agreed to your idea. 
Then, he had to leave again. Asgard still had things he needed to attend to and he had to announce the future wedding to his people. Not to mention organizing and making sure that he has a trusted friend to oversee Asgard while he is away and that person always ended up being Heimdall. Nonetheless, that would take some time and it would feel longer for Thor than it would for you because of the different time lengths between realms. 
Nat was your maid of honor when you married Steve, so, sure as hell, she’s going to be your maid of honor for this wedding too. She’s really helpful when things need to get down and when people are being slow or stupid, she’s the one to sort them out quickly. But, you don’t want this wedding to be as big as the last. Everyone that will be there will be just the team, your family all gone now and who knows where Loki is prancing around nowadays. And because Thor is a Norse God, you want to take some inspiration from Viking weddings. You think it will be a nice touch that will make Thor smile. 
But now, getting sick every morning and turning your nose up for almost everything you normally like to eat makes you wish that Thor was back. He’s always able to make you feel better when you feel like shit. Especially when it’s something like the flu. Only, you’re not sure if this is really that. 
Weeks after Thor left and the nausea hasn’t gone away, you and Nat walk the streets and brainstorm a few ideas, your fingers twisting the ring that still feels a bit foreign on your hand. And that’s when you see it. A pregnant woman with an arm wrap on the underside of her bulging belly. 
Nat notices your distant mind, breaking it by clicking her fingers in front of your face and making you turn your somewhat pale face to her. “You okay? You just spaced out all of a sudden,” she speaks with concern, frowning at you when you quickly glance over your shoulder at what you were staring at. 
“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. I just…” you start, turning back to her as you let out a long sigh and shake your head at her. “I think I’ve got this bug that’s going around so I haven’t been feeling myself lately,” you lie, bringing a hand up to wipe the thin layer of sweat on your forehead away. Giving her a gentle smile to try and hide the lie, you feel relieved when you see her confusion melt away, her eyes softening as she gently touches your arm, taking the bait and believing the lie. 
She sighs and shakes her head a bit. “Well, best get sick now so that you’re over it by the time of the wedding,” she jokes and you have to force out a laugh. Yeah, jokes on you because this sickness is going to take nine months to get rid of… “Go home. Get some rest and I’ll call you tomorrow.”
You laugh at her and drop your gaze to your feet as you bite your lower lip. “I’ll call you, okay? This wedding isn’t going anywhere until Thor gets back,” you chuckle, smiling at her eagerness to plan a wedding with you. The first time you did this with her, you both had the absolute time of your lives. And doing it again now, it’s helping you reconnect that friendship you had with her. 
Of course, on your way home, you stop at a drug store and get what you need and you contemplate if you should get more than one box to be sure. But considering that it’s Thor, you’re pretty sure that one pregnancy test will be fine. 
When you get back to the apartment, that urge to find out if you’re pregnant or not quickly disappears and you don’t know if you want to do this. Nevermind doing this without Thor. If you are pregnant, you want to find out with him beside you, comforting you and telling you that if it’s true he will be the happiest man in the world. 
What if you are pregnant and he comes back months later when you’re already showing or even after you’ve already had the baby? What if he thinks that you got back together with Steve and it’s his or Bucky showed up again and he wasn’t here you save you from him and…
Your rambling thoughts are cut off when a knock sounds at the front door, making your heart stop for a second as your head snaps towards the bathroom door. Glancing down at the test in your hands, no result showing on the screen just yet, you have to force yourself to put it down beside the sink and answer the door. 
You know you should have checked the peephole before opening the door, but you’re stuck in the baffled mindset, the reality that you could be pregnant only hitting you when you unboxed the test and read through the instructions. And seeing Steve standing in the doorframe makes you regret opening the door. You can’t deal with this right now…
“Steve. What are you doing here?” you question, placing a hand just under your heart and slightly above your stomach when you find yourself slightly breathless. “How did you find-”
“I asked Nat,” he states, stepping into the apartment without being invited in. “I think it’s time you and I talked,” he mentions, turning around to you as you close the door. 
Your eyes quickly flicker over to the clock on the wall. About one more minute left. “What do you want to talk about, Steve? We’re not a thing anymore and that’s what you wanted,” you sternly say, looking back to him and folding your arms over your chest. 
He bites the inside of his cheek, dropping his gaze to the floor and taking in a deep breath before pushing it back out. “Yeah, I know. I just thought that maybe I could have proved to you that I realized what I lost-”
“Steve, look. I’m engaged to Thor. I’m going to start a future with him and you need to start thinking about your own future. Without me,” you cut him off, holding up a gentle hand to stop him from speaking. “You made your first mistake by divorcing me because you were stuck in the past. With Peggy. Don’t make that same mistake because you’re stuck in the past with me,” you state, shaking your head at him as he slowly lifts his head up to you. 
Staring at each other for a while, you hear your heart pounding against your chest and think of that stick in the bathroom. How much longer? “Sit down. Give me a moment and then we’ll talk,” you whisper, pointing to the sofa before turning around. Your eyes catch the clock. Seeing that a minute has passed makes a sharp gasp leave your lips and you have to try and leave the room without seeming suspicious to Steve. 
But he notices the sharp gasp and sees your shoulders slightly tense. Knowing that something is going on, he follows you as quietly as he can. Frowning when you walk towards the bathroom, he slowly turns the corner after you’ve entered it. 
Though your back faces him, he can see your reflection clearly. You’re staring down at something in your hands, your mouth hanging slightly open as you blink furiously. Then his eyes drift to the side where he spots the box the object in your hands came in. “You sure you’re not marrying him because you’re pregnant?” he questions, making you jump and turn around to him, holding the test behind your back. 
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you lie, your words coming out like a trembling leaf as he starts to step forward. You forget that there’s a mirror behind you, showing the test that you’ve tried to hide and you drop your head in shame when he reaches behind you and takes the stick out of your hand.
He stares down at the screen, the positive sign staring back at him, almost mocking him by saying that it could have been his child if he hadn’t divorced you. If he hadn’t have been so selfish. “I’m not marrying him just because I’m pregnant,” you finally say after a long silence, lifting your gaze up to him again as he breaks his stare away from the test. “I love him. With all my heart. And I want to be with him for the rest of my life,” you explain, taking the test out of his hands and placing it back on the counter. 
Steve shakes his head at you as he runs his tongue over his lips. “You’ve only known him for a year, (y/n). We were together way longer than that before I even considered looking for a ring,” he reminds, taking your hand in his and looking down at the ring on your finger. 
It’s not a fancy ring and you don’t need it to be. It’s perfect for you because it came from Thor and you hate how cheesy that sounds. “It may feel like it’s been a year, Steve. But in Asgard, it feels like it’s been 10,” you state, trying to pull your hand away from him when you notice that he’s starting to move closer to you. But he has your hand firmly in his and you have to harshly pull away from him. “Time is different there than it is here.”
“So, I guess this means you won’t be joining the team again, huh?” he chuckles, looking back up at you but his smile fades when you don’t smile back at him. “Guess I’ll just have to live with being that outcast in the team then,” he mutters, turning away from you to walk away. 
You can tell he’s trying to guilt-trip you and it makes you roll your eyes. “They let you back into the team for a reason, Steve. Because you’re good at what you do and they need you.”
“Yeah, but I had to earn my spot again,” he sneers, turning around on his heels to look back at you. “Hours of community service like Tony suggested and one hell of a lecture from everyone. Not to mention that I had to cut all ties with Bucky, the man I’ve been best friends with since I was a kid,” he growls, his face taking on a red shade as he rolls his hands into fists. “I haven’t seen him since that day in the coffee shop,” he states, glaring at you like it’s all your fault. 
Shaking your head in disbelief, you push yourself away from the counter and walk towards him. “How can you still consider him a friend after what he tried to do to me? When you saw, with your own eyes, how he tried to overpower me, determined to own me like an animal,” you sneer, pointing a harsh finger into his chest when you reach him. “How can you defend him?” you question, staring up at him as you bite your lower lip. “Just...leave,” you whisper, pushing past him and walking back to the living room. 
He calls your name, turning to follow you and spots you shaking your head as you walk away. You throw open the front door and turn back to face him. “Please, Steve. Just go,” you beg, clutching onto the door handle and looking down at the ground as he starts to walk towards you. 
Standing in front of you for a moment, hoping that you look back up at him, he slowly reaches up to touch your cheek but your turn your face away from him. With a heavy sigh, he drops his hand and turns to walk away, the door softly closing behind him. 
You press your back against the door and breathe out a loud breath. One that you had been holding in all this time. Resting a hand over your stomach, you remember that positive symbol on the test and it makes you turn your gaze up to the ceiling. “Heimdall, if you can hear me, please tell him that I need him to come back. That I need to speak to him. So that I can tell him in person that I’m…” You trail off, knowing that if Heimdall can hear you and if he’s listening, then he probably already knows what you want to tell Thor. And now, you can only wait.
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