#but not engage in conversation

[inkskinned]

there are a lot of posts out there that are positive and healthy coping mechanisms for handling the holidays. this is not one of them :)

i think there's like. going to be times in your life you will be stuck in a social situation that you cannot escape from gracefully. i do not know why the internet doesn't believe these times exist. it's not always just that your physical safety is at risk - sometimes it's legit like "i just don't currently have the energy or time to put in the effort of responding to this." sometimes it's a coworker you hate so much. sometimes it's just like, fine, you know? like you know you can handle your aunt when she's cheerily horrible, but if you actually set a boundary around her, it's going to be weeks of fallout with your father.

i don't know why people think the answer is always just "cut them out!" or "don't let them get away with that!" because ... the real world is tricky and complicated. i think kind of a lot of us have an internal "radiation poisoning" meter for certain people. like - i'm talking about the ones who are absolutely giving you gradual ick damage. like, you can handle them, but you'll be exhausted.

and yes. you absolutely should listen to your therapist and the good posts about handling others and set good boundaries and take care of yourself. prioritize peace.

HOWEVER :) ...... since im often in a situation with a Gradual Sense of Ick person i cannot just "cut out" of my life (without losing someone else precious to me) - i have sort of developed the most. maladaptive form of mischief possible. because like, if i'm going to have to listen to this shit again, i like to have a little bit of private fun with it.

now! again, i am physically safe, just mentally drained by this man. you should only do this with people you are not in danger with. which leads me to my suggestions for when your Unfortunate Acquaintance shows up and says oh everyone pay attention to me.

my favorite word is "maybe!" said as brightly and happily as possible. whenever the Horrible Person starts in on a topic you do not want to go further with, particularly if they make a claim that you know to be inaccurate, do not respond to it. you and i have both tried to actually argue with this person, and it hasn't gone well, because this person just wants the drama of an argument. however, "maybe!" gives them literally nothing to go on. it is incredibly disarming. they are used to people having some response. they know they can't prove what they're saying, and maybe! treats them like the child they are. it dismisses them in the politest way possible.

i like to say maybe! and then, in their stunned silence, immediately change the subject. this is because i have adhd and i will have something unrelated to talk about, but if you can't think of topics fast enough, i recommend just pointing to something and saying, "isn't that lovely?" because fuck you let's bring in some positivity.

by the way. that second trick - of pointing to something and stating an opinion about it? - that just works on its own, like, 70% of the time. i picked it up from teaching preschoolers. it's an intentional "redirect". it stops children crying and it also stops grown adults from finishing their explanation on why women belong in kitchens. dual wielding!

keep it silly for yourself. i absolutely do not care if people think i'm fucking stupid (it's more fun if they do) and as a result i will purposefully misunderstand things just to see how long it takes them to realize i've completely removed them from the subject at hand. when they say "women aren't funny" i get to be like. "which women." "all women." "all women in america?" "no in the world." "like the mole people? the people in the world?" "what? no. like, alive." "oh are we not counting the mole people?" "what the fuck are you talking about." "you don't believe in the mole people?"

similarly, i play a personal game called "one up me." my Evil Acquaintance literally knows this game exists (my family & friends caught onto it and now also play it) and it always fucking gets him. i don't know why. you have to be willing to be a little free-spirited on this one, though. the trick is that when they make one of those horrible little bigoted or annoying comments they are always making, you need to go one unit weirder. not more intense, mind you - just more weird. "you don't look good in that dress." "yeah, actually, my other dress was covered in squid ink due to a mishap at the soup store." "you shouldn't wear such revealing clothes." "wait, what? oh shit. sorry, your son tears off strips when no one is looking and eats them. i swear it was longer before we left the building."

the point of "one up me" is to completely upend this person's narrative. we both know this person likes setting up situations where you cannot "win" and then they really like telling other people how badly you handled it. in a usual situation, if you respond "please don't say something that rude", you're a bitch. but if you let it happen, you're letting yourself be debased. they are not usually expecting door number three: unflappably odd. because what are they going to say when they're telling everyone how badly you behaved? "she said my son eats her dresses" ".... okay?"

if you can, form an allyship with someone whomst you can tagteam with. where they can pick up on your weird "soup store" story and run with it.

the following phrase is amazing and can be deployed for any situation: "oh, be nice :) it's the holidays!" i do not know why this works as often as it does. i'll say it for the most random shit. i think this is bc most of the time these people know they're being impolite, they just like to fight.

godbless. when in doubt, remember that you could always start stealing their pens.

the whole point of this is - if you can't escape. maybe see how long you can just be. like. a horrible little menace.

#this is objectively bad advice #don't listen to it protect yourself and do real work on yourself find one of the good posts i've made about this #but also. u know. if u want to have fun while u do the work of setting boundaries #.... it IS fun #i will say that my fear of him went SO down after i just started. fucking with him. #bc i used to get SO fucking upset #i'd spend WEEKS arguing with him. tearing my hair out. sick with anxiety and dread and anger about all of it #and now i just LITERALLY do not engage #instead i'm like '' haha :) mole people" and get the HELL out of any tense conversation #i kind of think some of these people are literally addicted to drama as a form of connection #they like the rush they get from arguing #but those arguments are incredibly damaging for me #so like..... i am in the process of literally rehabilitating this person to figure out how to find connection thru #NORMAL CONVERSATION #he doesn't get it yet #i also do talk to them like they're preschool kids lmafo . ''are you using a safe and kind voice right now?'' #'' do you need a snackie? you sound a little upset. let's have some hummus and come back to playtime when we feel ready''

[edorazzi]

Page 6 of my Miraculous Mentor AU comic A Matter of Trust! I previewed this unfinished page back in 2022 when I started this project, and now it's here - love at first shriek!!! 🐞❤️😾

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Weekly updates each Sunday! You can also read ahead early on Patreon, and/or buy me a Ko-fi if you'd like to support my work! 💖

#miraculous ladybug #mentor au #bridgette cheng #felix sphinx #adrien agreste #A Matter of Trust #HUGE props to the people who remembered ''ARE YOU DUMB'' from that long ago!!! #to this day bri has no clue what he said to her; she was just looking at his face :') #so many conversations as an engaged couple where felix is just talking at her; and bri takes none of it in because he's lookin pretty #yes honey you're so right honey is that new eyeliner honey :0 #josie's art

[unbidden-yidden]

Honestly at this point, I'm really uninterested in hearing any gentile's "critique" of Judaism.

Whatever it is, whatever you're about to say, I am 1000% certain that at least one Jew has already raised this issue in ways that are thoughtful and centered in respect for other Jews. Probably lots of Jews; possibly whole theological movements. It's even possible that this particular topic has been under active discussion for hundreds or even thousands of years.

Someone has already said this better than you will. Someone has already raised whatever issue you have and grounded it in their own experiences of having lived a Jewish life.

So just leave it to us. Just stop. You're not helping. At best you're white-knighting, at worst you're actively contributing to an antisemitic majority culture.

"Well I've never seen Jews discussing [x] topic!" Your ignorance is not reality. These conversations are happening, possibly offline and at our Shabbos tables or shuls only, but they are happening.

"Well [x] topic impacts me personally!" Does it? Does it really? Because unless you live in Israel or Palestine, no Jewish group - no matter how seemingly numerous we may be in your city or neighborhood - is actually powerful enough to affect large-scale (or even typically small-scale) changes. Our fundamentalism is, for better or worse, directed at other Jews. The most intense thing I've heard of outside of Israel is a community getting together to petition the city to allow an eruv or a concentrated effort to make a few neighborhood blocks particularly Jewish because they're within walking distance of an orthodox shul. All other issues - no matter how ugly the opinions - are something that is part of much larger social trends that unfortunately some Jews happen to be engaging in. We'll deal with them; you focus on your people.

"I'm just listening to ex-fundamentalist Jews and white-knighting trying to help them be heard and not shouted down!" So first of all, if you knew anything about this topic, they typically call themselves OTD (which I'm sure you know what that stands for, because you've been listening) and secondly, great! You should listen to them. But their critiques are not your critiques. I can go on all day long about my family and their bullshit, and I can even (sometimes) appreciate you chiming in supportively. But it hits different when you go off chattering to other people about how my family is bullshit.

"Okay fine - I'm taking all that in and accept that my critiques aren't wanted, but what CAN I do, since I am literally vibrating in place about how Those People Over There Are Wrong and cannot simply ignore them?" Best thing you can do? Honestly? Learn about Judaism thoroughly from a variety of people, and learn how to be a good ally against antisemitism in all the spaces you want us in. Judaism not feminist enough for you? Learn how to make your feminist spaces safe and welcoming for Jews. Judaism not queer or trans enough for you? Learn how to make your queer and trans spaces safe and welcoming for Jews. Whatever movement you think we're not supporting enough or not showing up for enough, or whoever it is you think we're oppressing? Find the Jews who are doing that work (they exist, I promise) and listen to what they tell you about how to make your spaces be better.

#look - I'll engage in these conversations with specific goyim on my terms #but that's for me to decide

[endivinity]

i think the most bizarre reaction to seeing fanart (other than going "i thought this was [totally unrelated thing that it doesnt even look like]') is to go 'this isn't canon'. like.... yeah it's not supposed to be?

people have headcanons! there are also different interpretations of unclear or hard-to-quantify-exact-meaning canon!

but it doesn't even have to be a headcanon. art is an exploration of thoughts and concepts. it's an expression of creativity. sometimes it's just a fun exercise. for fun. any time i see someone go 'thats not what really happened' i dont think 'aw shit i got it so wrong', i think: wheres your joie de vivre. your whimsy. embrace things that arent real

#i am in part guilty of this bc i have like a whole section of my brain chemically wired around deathclaws so i get it but also like #i only do that when conversation is brought up and actively involves me #i dont just go on someone's post and go THATS NOT REAL bc whats the point?? what are you achieving with that attitude #it's fiction! none of this is real! #destiny2 fandom is full of this in particular though and like. you can just not say anything. if you dont like the post dont engage with it

[whales-are-gay]

im not a train autistic but i believe their beliefs

#this is brought to you by me being the only person to engage this person in conversation #when he sends train stuff to the off topic channels discord server for this club at my uni #(the club is art related) #idk at this point enough of my friends are train nerds that i can hold a conversation #and that makes me look like the train nerd in a group of non-autistic people #personal post

[caeslxys]

I’ve mentioned this elsewhere but it feels relevant again in light of the most recent episode. Something that’s really fascinating to me about Orym’s grief in comparison to the rest of the hells’ grief is that his is the youngest/most fresh and because of that tends to be the most volatile when it is triggered (aside from FCG, who was two and obviously The Most volatile when triggered.)

As in: prior to the attack on Zephrah, Orym was leading a normal, happy, casual life! with family who loved him and still do! Grief was something that was inflicted upon him via Ludinus’ machinations, whereas with characters like Imogen or Ashton, grief has been the background tapestry of their entire lives. And I think that shows in how the rest of them are largely able to, if not see past completely (Imogen/Laudna/Chetney) then at least temper/direct their vitriol or grief (Ashton/Fearne/Chetney again) to where it is most effective. (There is a glaring reason, for example, that Imogen scolded Orym for the way he reacted to Liliana and not Ashton. Because Ashton’s anger was directed in a way that was ultimately protective of Imogen—most effective—and Orym’s was founded solely in his personal grief.)

He wants Imogen to have her mom and he wants Lilliana to be salvageable for Imogen because he loves Imogen. But his love for the people in his present actively and consistently tend to conflict with the love he has for the people in his past. They are in a constant battle and Orym—he cannot fathom losing either of them.

(Or, to that point, recognize that allowing empathy to take root in him for the enemy isn't losing one of them.)

It is deeply poignant, then, that Orym’s grief is symbolized by both a sword and shield. It is something he wields as a blade when he feels his philosophy being threatened by certain conversational threads (as he believes it is one of the only things he has left of Will and Derrig, and is therefore desperately clinging onto with both bloody hands even if it makes him, occasionally, a hypocrite), but also something he can use in defense of the people he presently loves—if that provocative, blade-grief side of him does not push them—or himself—away first.

(it won’t—he is as loved by the hells as he loves them. he just needs to—as laudna so beautifully said—say and hear it more often.)

#critical role #cr spoilers #bells hells #orym of the air ashari #cr meta #imogen temult #ashton greymoore #liliana temult #this is genuinely completely written in good faith as someone who loves orym #but is also about orym and so will inevitably end up being completely misconstrued and made into discourse. alas #I could talk about how Orym’s unwillingness to allow the hells to actually finish/come to a solid conclusion on Philosophy Talk #is directly connected to one of the largest criticisms of c3 (that they are constantly having these conversations) #all day. alas. engaging with orym’s flaws tends to make people upset #it is ESP prevelant when he walks off after exclaiming ‘they (vangaurd) are NOT right’ #which was not only never said but wasn’t even what they were talking about #he even admits as much to imogen like ten minutes later! that he is incapable of viewing it objectively #which is 100% justifiable and understandable but simultaneously does not make his grief alone the most important perspective in the world #also bc i fear ppl will play semantics on my tags yes the line ‘i hope she’s right’ was said but it was from ASHTON #who does not believe they are at all and wasn’t saying they actively WERE right. orym just heard something to latch onto and ran with it #ultimately there is a reason orym only admitted that he was struggling when he had stepped away to talk to dorian #who has not been around and thusly has not changed once n orym's eyes #and it isn't that the hells never check in or care. they do. they have several times over #it is dishonest to say they haven't #the actual reason is that all of this is something He Is Aware Of. he doesn't mention it bc he KNOWS it's hypocritical and selfish #he says as much! #EXHALES. @ MY OWN BRAIN CAN WE THINK ABT MOG AGAIN. FYRA RAI EVEN. FOR ME. #posting this literally at 8 in the morning so I can get my thoughts out of my brain but also attempt to immediately make this post invisibl

[jen-with-a-pen]

A good example !

I wanted to take a second to highlight this user in the midst of the "discourse" in spam liking and not reblogging.

When I saw this in my notifs just now, I about cried.

THIS IS WHAT ITS SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE.

BE THIS PERSON. THIS IS HOW YOU SHOULD BE DOING IT.

We are not fucking kidding when we say reblogging takes literally two seconds. This user is still liking and sharing!! You don't even have to add tags!! When you spam like we expect spam reblogging for our works!!

This is the bar. The bar is 6ft under yet lots of y'all are literally still going under it and it's fucking insane.

Anyways to you @sjsmith56 I pat you on the head and offer you a cookie. It's snickerdoodle. Hope that's okay.

If y'all don't mind, I'm tagging just a few mutuals in order to highlight this along with my other post.

@navybrat817 @targaryenvampireslayer @fushic0re @bucksangel @eulalielatibule @cocoamoonmalfoy

#A POSITIVE EXAMPLE #THANK YOU #and yes: user engagement via comments asks and submissions and tagging is a whole other part of the conversation but #BUT #but i wanted to highlight a positive and good example #especially for those who “use likes to bookmark” #like no lol if you spam like you can spam reblog the same shit #commentary #jen speaks

[caduceus-tealeaf]

They noted this on her chart: 8:38 A.M. After which, according to their records, Annie lapsed back into her impenetrable isolation and did not utter another word. The doctor on call noted this on her chart:

“May have been responding to auditory hallucination.”

#twin peaks #twinpeaksedit #dale cooper #annie blackburn #kyle maclachlan #heather graham #mine #mygif #emerges from the swamp after like 4 years of being offline with occasional lurking #just to post a twin peaks gifset #LISTEN #not engaging with social media turned out to be pretty ok for me mentally #but also i kinda missed it #and also i rewatched twin peaks while reading the final dossier #and annie's part messed me up so good i had to redownload photoshop #i read this part in the final dossier ages ago and somehow didn't make the link to doppelcoop #then i rewatched the show and saw that whole conversation #and OH BOY #do i still need to tag this #twin peaks spoilers #are people still being spoiled for a 30 year old show #idk #anyway how are y'all doing

[thesherrinfordfacility]

#good omens #specifically the decision to engage in conversation with this ✨angelic mess✨ #this one has been sat in the drafts for DAYS and its finally time to let him free

[ruegarding]

so you mean to tell me percy was on a boat on the ocean for part of hoo and never once did we get him going on little adventures to help out sea creatures????? never once do we see him sitting on the edge of the ship scraping barnacles off of shells??? what was the point if not

#i'm imagining someone else's pov where percy is in a very engaging conversation abt the fishing industries' bad practices #but percy is talking to like. a turtle #while de-tangling a net from another sea creature #percy jackson #heroes of olympus #pjo hoo toa #percy #min talks pjo

[lilnasxvevo]

Jiang Cheng is fashionable and rich and handsome and politically powerful and strong and skilled and smart and funny and he is still somehow a deeply cringefail sopping wet Pomeranian of a man. Now THAT’S talent.

#it’s just that we can see your insecurities from space Jiang Cheng #it’s just that when you think the thing you said was so stupid that you momentarily want to die you forget to control your face #and we can see you regretting your entire life and engaging in self-castigation right in the middle of a conversation

[puppyeared]

the shyest creature on earth dreams of art streaming

#i know it sounds like im giving every reason why i SHOULDNT do it but i really wanna learn how to someday #i dont really have the space or privacy for it rn though since i live at home with 3 other ppl plus i have school to focus on ugh #ive been able to stream my art in discord calls but i havent done it in so long and the atmosphere is a little different #not bad different though. its fun to draw ppls conversations out and make shitposts. and i like any kind of attention heh #i also use procreate so its hard to stream frm my ipad but im looking into a lighting adapter to HDMI cable to project on my monitor #part of my urge to start a twitch might also be because i wanna learn how to make and rig a little avatar and use cute frames #and id love to play some ambience music while i draw and just. idk. listen to ppl talk..? but im lacking in audience engagement #since i suck at responding and public speaking and prefer to do things quietly. i just like being observed like im on national geographic #yapping #doodles #sona #puppysona #my art #myart

[scobbe]

Good practice for small talk is to just put yourself among other people but instead of looking at your phone or staring out a window or otherwise isolating yourself, pretend like you are a happy and interested dog. I’m not kidding, like you don’t have to even say anything, just pay attention to anyone else who is talking with a gently pleasant and attentive expression and smile a little if anyone turns any attention to you. A lot of people have plenty to say anyway and just want someone to listen. Then if a question or comment comes to mind you’ve already established some engagement just by pleasantly listening, and doing this helps immensely to wear down social anxiety.

#honestly listening is a lost art #80% of the conversations I engage in at church functions are just this #me being an interested dog #people love it #and honestly being a dog was a childhood dream of mine

[mango-parfait]

If they had met at The Divide and nothing bad happened, Ulysses and the Courier (+ his daughter) would've been the best kind of philosophical traveling buddies!!!

#fnv #fallout new vegas #Ulysses #fallout ulysses #courier six #oc: Duncan Jones #oc: Vera Jones #mangoart #do i ship them? maybe. But Duncan is too demi and focused on being a good dad for Vera to be with people romantically #man got his mind occupied on keeping his daughter alive in the wasteland and delivering packages #he and ulysses would engage in very deep conversations ngl and those can go on for days and days

[straight-to-the-pain]

I’m not usually one for conditioned whumpees, and especially not for recovery, but I think I would really enjoy those types of scenes more if the trauma responses were allowed to be more nuanced and complex.

This isn’t a criticism of anyone specific, it’s just something I think I lack in the community, and I don’t think I’m the one to write it either, but I think that what puts me off is that I know what it’s like to be triggered by something, and it’s such a complicated and not always conscious process.

Like yes they might feel that someone they’re with is angry or upset with them and suddenly try to do anything they can to please them, but that might come with a wave of shame and self loathing once they’ve realised that nothing was wrong and they’ve just embarrassed themselves in front of someone close to them.

Or maybe they’re scared of that part of themself, and they’re so scared that other people will see it or hurt them again that they push them away, maybe they test their boundaries, maybe they hurt the people they love instead because they want to see what happens when they finally do get angry.

Maybe they hate that part of them that makes them become someone else, that makes them get lost in their mind. Maybe they resent how it makes relationships hard, how they try to move on but some small thing ignites a carefully buried spark of fear and the whole thing starts again.

I also wish there wasn’t so much of a power dynamic of whumpee and caretaker, where the whumpee is someone who is mentally ill and traumatised and not expected to ever be independent or live alone. No, I want them to have friends and partners and lovers, and struggle and find joy in equal measure, on their own terms.

There’s absolutely people writing this sort of content, and there are things I will read because I think they capture that complexity, and of course these are my personal feelings but I do urge people to think about this when they write, if they want to.

#whump meta #obviously you can write whatever and I am not in charge of anything #it’s just something I personally would like to see more of in the community #and I think having that would help me to engage with more of the content I see actually #i can’t demand it of anyone but I wanted to put my thoughts out thre #and also see if people feel the same #i know some do because this was sparked by a conversation with a friend #s talks #past trauma

[pinetreeshack]

happy fiddleford friday (thoughts in tags)

#still not over fiddleford and bill interaction by the way #i have sooo manuy thoughts in my brain you guys dont even know #although bill doesnt show his physical form a lot around fiddleford and prefers the possession routine #he sometimes shows up in fiddlefords dreams or reflections or just. in the corner of his eye. and its really up to fiddleford to acknowledg #his existence and engage in conversation #because after all #fiddleford isnt bills victim. hes fords. so hes obviously going to try to get to ford any way he can #and whether or not he uses fiddleford as a vessel #and whether or not fiddleford REALISES hes being used #anyway. my brain hurts #gravity falls #fiddleford mcgucket #bill cipher #fiddleford friday #doodles #gravity falls fanart #art diary