#but not necessarily harder

[inkskinned]

in internet posts it is easy to cut them out of your life. they are hurting you! they aren't listening to you!

they held your hair back. they lent you lipstick. they held your hand at the train station and got you home safe. they rounded on your bully, got loud, said get fucked, spitting-mad in your defense.

they also cut the hair off again. told you that you should really think twice before wearing something like that. took you for granted. took your insecurities and threw them in your face again.

you know logically it should be easy. all the internet advice comments always read it will feel better. like an equation - if a person is rotten, you just remove them. you pull the tooth that's hurting.

but it was never a big flare-up moment. you don't live in a sitcom. they never tried to take your boyfriend or steal from your apartment. they showed up to birthdays and they wrote songs about you and bring you water without you asking. once you found out they carry an emergency inhaler for you, even though you haven't had an asthma attack in years - just in case.

where is the line? people fuck up. sometimes they fuck up badly. sometimes people have raw personalities, like a powerline, and being around them is dangerous. addicting. sometimes they can't help themselves, but you know they're trying. sometimes they are just rough-around-the-edges. sometimes they don't even realize how they sounded when they said that. sometimes it's just - you've both loved each other for so long now, the way this thing hurts goes back to the root.

and that's the fucked up part. you have pushed your fingers against the sweetheart of memory. things these days are electric, tense, harrowing. they didn't used to be. there were a lot of good days in there. sometimes you want to just close your eyes and say can this be over yet? do we still need to be fighting?

doing that would give up any chance you get of getting an apology, but you don't always know that you need an apology, you love them. once they flaked on your birthday party. once they told you to get over it, people are always dying. they also let you crash on their couch for a week after the breakup, handfeeding you when you were so sad you couldn't eat. they are also judgmental about everything, occasionally react to banal statements with an attitude that is weird and fiery. they also love you like a lighthouse sometimes, so strong they cut the storm like lightning.

but the problem is that you might be storm. you might be the thing that needs breaking. what if you are two forces who are desperately, horribly drawn to each other, shaped by the other person's passions, and both good for each other and bad in equal measure.

what if you're both just people, and you're no saint neither.

just cut them off! swallowing the saltwater, you catch yourself in the mirror. you've been shaking more than usual. there's an ache in you that is oblique, loud, impossible to soothe. is this what it looks like? when life is "easier"?

your mouth will always have a hole, is the thing, if you remove the tooth.

#spilled ink #warm up #writeblr #this is about someone specific but feel free to blorbo on main. #tbh this is familial for me so that is an element but it's also about childhood best friends #and probably about ur enemies to lovers blorbo #(but i want to specifically say if ur partner is like this. not necessarily a good partnership lol.) #(the dynamics at play in familial/friend relationships feel equally important and in some ways are HARDER to escape. #bc we can see that this is a potentially toxic romantic foundation. #but in family ? ...... it's toxic and it doesn't stop u from loving them. bc u always have. #and i think that makes it harder. by a lot. which is what this is referencing). #but genuinely and really truly forever feel free to tag ur potentially toxic enemies to lovers on this and all my poetry #here i'll do one for u - adora & catra :x

[detectiveforfree]

having fun trying to design talon!dick

#dick grayson #talon!dick grayson #talon!dick #design is my passion but not necessarily my strong suit hah #my initial thought of trying to fit wings under that cape proved harder than i thought

[vickyvicarious]

Oh No. You made me aware of the implications of Mina's words (when Mina says that some may say that this is a happy occasion for her and Jonathan) that she nay already be dealing with peoples' Whispering or subtle comments... from Hawkins' circle perhaps.

Yeah. :(

See, the thing is, there has been talk since last year of an outside perspective of all this with various degrees of apparent shadiness in different characters (I think I made a post about exactly that last year). But most of those takes I've seen deal with people suspecting our main characters of outright murder. Arthur, getting into Mrs. Westenra's will and then killing her and Lucy off with the help of his doctor friends to cover up for him. Or even just killing Lucy after her mother dies and leaves everything to him. Jonathan and Mina killing Mr. Hawkins in order to inherit everything he has, including Jonathan's big promotion shortly beforehand. It's all very sinister-sounding stuff.

But it doesn't have to be that bad, even in other peoples' minds. For Arthur, his father's illness seems like something that would have been well-known, and of course he was due to inherit everything from him anyway since they were quite close and he has no siblings. It sounds like there were rumors going around about him and Lucy, so their engagement wouldn't have been a surprise. Mrs. Westenra kept her illness secret from Lucy, but not really the other characters, and it's possible she would have allowed some other friends in on the secret too, so her death might not be a surprise either. Lucy's illness was abrupt and tragic, but having a friendly doctor consult/care for an invalid at home wouldn't have been anything too weird, so it's not necessarily ringing alarm bells. The weirdest part is the inheritance and the super-fast funeral, but in addition to Arthur getting potentially more leeway since he's so high-status, the knowledge of his father's death at about the same time might have led people to be more excusing of him even if they didn't like how he conducted the funeral. The inheritance is really weird though, and I could see even people who trust he wasn't responsible for any deaths believing that he maybe manipulated or pressured an ill woman to convince her to sign off Lucy's money to him when he knows she's likely to die much sooner than Mrs. Westenra thinks. And then he had them both buried as fast as possible and tried to move right past it. Not necessarily murder, but scummy. Even then though, I feel like most people wouldn't be saying this kind of thing openly even if it did run through their minds - and it would be less likely to occur to most in the first place since they know Arthur more already.

But while Arthur's status, both as a rich and presumably well-liked member of high-society, and someone who was known to be close to both the Westenras before they fell ill, serves to make people more forgiving of him... Jonathan and Mina don't have any of that.

Jonathan didn't already have money, to point to and say "he didn't need to inherit that wealth anyway." Jonathan didn't have his own property to make him getting that house less weird. He didn't already have his own staff, he didn't already have his own title/job even. He worked for Mr. Hawkins. He literally only just became a lawyer a couple of months ago, and he hasn't even been in the country let alone actively involved in the practice for most of the time since then. His meteoric rise is definitely weird, especially if you consider that his relationship with Mr. Hawkins, pre-trip, seems to have been pretty professional. Maybe he and his boss both secretly were more fond of one another than that, but I don't get the sense they expressed it very much.

So it's much easier to make the jump to the Harkers killing Mr. Hawkins. But there's a leap that's even easier than that and in some ways sadder. We know that Mr. Hawkins didn't have family, and apparently his funeral wasn't super well attended. His gout had been an ongoing issue, and while that alone isn't typically enough to kill someone it can go along with other illnesses. Jonathan had worked for him since he was a boy, and then his first business trip went wrong.

I think it could be quite easy for people to assume that Jonathan was ambitious, and deliberately played on the feelings of a lonely, sick old man. Perhaps he manipulated his guilt as a way to get 'in' with him past professional roles, and then started acting the part of a son in order to con Mr. Hawkins into giving him everything. Again, it doesn't have to be murder to still be mercenary and cold.

At the very least, if you're an old acquaintance of Mr. Hawkins, or someone who has worked with him for a while, the sudden appointment of his former clerk as his chief mourner, heir to all his wealth and his legal practice - it definitely seems odd enough to attribute to greed. Jonathan and Mina don't have any social status or wealth to protect them from that, and so I feel like they could get a lot more open suspicion or scorn or snubbing than Arthur ever would. No one ever has to say a word about it looking like murder; they could make 'jokes' about the Harkers 'lucking out' or at least 'landing on their feet' with a certain tone and that would be enough to be quite hurtful (and yeah, Mina's line suggests that at least she suspects some are saying that). They could easily not give accounts to them, or back out of existing contracts, and apologize by saying they were used to counting on Mr. Hawkins' many years of experience, but Mr. Harker is... newer to this. They could just fail to make any social offers, in a way that the Harker probably couldn't call anyone out on. And so on.

#dracula daily #mr. hawkins #jonathan harker #mina murray #arthur holmwood #burekstation #replies #it's not necessarily that bad but it could be much more easily than it could for arthur i think #without anyone to speak for them they are kinda stuck #hence another reason for jonathan to be flinging himself all the harder into his work because if he fails to prove himself that will only #seem like justification for any rumors

[realbeefman]

i don’t really like omegaverse that much (absolute lie) but i DO think that house md would fuck *that* much harder if it was set in the omegaverse

#and i dont even necessarily mean this in a hilson-pilled way!!! #bc yes i do think house and wilson should have hot gay sex and hold each other until wilson’s knot deflates #but also i just think that the entire show could do a lot with omegaverse tropes #like heat suppressants as medical complications. #cuddy is a beta and it affects why her being dean of medicine is so impressive. it deepens her desire to hire house #an omega and an asshole #because she sees some of herself in him and recognizes that struggle #house post-infarction having to pay for sex bc he believes he’s ‘broken’ in the sense that he isn’t biologically attractive anymore #wilson is just. the best alpha. always taking care of his flock #kutner is an omega too and it hits that much harder for house when he kills himself #pheromones ‘smelling off’ being a diagnosable symptom #sex complications SO MANY sex complications #‘dr my knot wont deflate’ #like… theres so MUCH there to play with!!! its so fun!!! so much potential!!!! #i need to finish the show so badly so i can try to bang out a/b/o abt this show my godd #house md #hate crimes md

[taihua]

The AO3 kudos post is going around again and it reminds me of my eternal frustration at how whenever someone asks for Fengqing fic recs, people will only rec things from the top 3 pages sorted by kudos, which I guarantee everyone in the fandom has already read (and also they are easy to find and do not need the promotion of a rec list)

And speaking personally for my own fics that end up getting recommended, I know for a fact that the one that is most recommended is not my best work for them, it was like my 4th ever Fengqing fic and I have a lot more interesting, better paced, better characterized and more thoughtful works written after it. But some of them have never been recommended because they don’t have as many kudos and they’re just lost in the archive void now

#not to say that the top kudos fics are bad #but i think rec lists should be for fics that are harder to find #the things people wouldn’t necessarily stumble upon without being directed there

[blluespirit]

I sort of like the thought that Zuko and Aang take the Sun Warriors' warning not to tell anyone about the dragons a little more seriously… and they keep it between them. Of course, they trust Sokka, Toph and Katara. Of course they know they wouldn’t tell anyone, but now three people (including Iroh) know the truth about Ran and Shaw. And that’s three too many when you’re trying to keep a secret.

(and there are other people at the temple as well - like Haru, Teo and The Duke - who, while trustworthy, aren’t as close to them as the others, and when it comes to secrets with as much consequence as this one, you can’t afford to take any chances.)

Furthermore, the culture within the Fire Nation since Sozin’s rein has been warped. The culture is not to respect the dragons as the original firebenders, it’s to conquer and kill them. It’s the ultimate proof of your strength as a firebender. All it takes is one mistake before rumour spreads, and people go looking for the ultimate hunt. It’s not something Zuko or Aang can risk.

Whether Katara, Toph and Sokka (and Suki) ever find out the truth is up to you. But post-war, after Zuko returns from a strange, poorly explained trip with a dragon, and eventually develops the ability to use rainbow fire, either the others have some questions about Aang’s knowing look, or they are finally let in on a monumental secret.

#it’s a kids show so i think for that reason it was played for laughs about keeping the dragons a secret is not necessarily a bad choice... #the show does that sometimes where it says something off hand and then leaves me lying face down contemplating ✨the consequences✨ of that #but there are some… implications there about being too loose lipped with the truth in leading up to the end of and immediately post #war fire nation. just because zuko understands the spiritual significance of a dragon it does not mean the rest of his people will. actuall #its more likely that they'd reject zuko's opinion considering that he's basically coming into power and then telling everyone that #they've been lied to their whole lives. the fire nation is drowning in propaganda. for a lot of people this opinion of dragons and #firebending's true nature being violence and destruction is all they know. fire is LIFE but to most people that's an alien concept #and in terms of keeping secrets - it’s not even a matter of trust it’s a matter of too many people knowing #you might not even realised you’ve revealed some incredible information to someone who has the means to spread it or pursue it #so… i think zuko would be hyper aware of this. since he grew up hearing stories about the 'glory' of dragon hunting #and since iroh has also made a concerted effort to keep this information hidden i think it makes sense he’d be very hesitant to let it #get out to the public #aang would agree i think esp if zuko explained the importance of hiding them even from loved ones #ALSO random but it also makes me wonder what the fire nation said about roku in wake of the war #he had a dragon but he didn’t kill it. he didn’t ’conquer’ it #sozin would have had to work his ASS off to reframe history as him being the more… loyal(?) patriotic (?) of the two #did he frame it as roku didn’t have the courage to kill a dragon??? that he lacked the strength of a true firebender? #the avatar works hard but sozin's propaganda machine works harder 🧍‍♀️ #zuko #aang #avatar the last airbender #zuko & aang #jack talks #sun warriors #book 3 #what is it with me having a whole separate post in the tags 👁️👄👁️

[thedreadvampy]

The thing is I am definitely not happy or chill in the Immediate Sense lately but I am, big picture, so fucking happy with the person I am.

It's like. My brain was made by and for consistent trauma and since that trauma stopped about 5-7 years ago, it is incredible what the amount of resilience and cleverness and flexibility and thoughtfulness I developed to survive can do when it's not being all spent on surviving. like I had a hundred ton weight on me so I had to get REALLY STRONG to stay in the same place and not get 100% crushed, and when that weight came off I found I can use the strength it used to take to stand up and I can leap tall buildings in a single bound.

I was talking to my mum the other day and she said, "you've got the 'fuck it' energy at 30 that most women don't find until their fifties at least" and I'm like yeah man. Imagine how unstoppable I'll be in 20 years.

#red said #i don't know that i can express this clearly but it's the most encouraging thing in my life #my mum's always been proud of me but just lately she seems to actually really admire me #like she's genuinely impressed. she thinks I've surpassed her. i don't necessarily agree but it's a really nice quiet joy. #anyway like this sounds super up myself and it kind of is. #but also it's part of realising just how heavy the weight I've been carrying around with me for 25 years was #like not to be ridiculous but i have realised again this week. that it isn't that everyone's been raped that much and doesn't talk about it #i just have been raped an Unusually Consistent Amount. i have spoken to a lot of people who have had much more horrifying things happen. #I'm not sure I've talked to more than a couple of people who've had a similar level of total consistency of abuse from all angles #and the one is not heavier or harder to bear that the other. but. i think i spent most of my life listening to people's awful experiences #and going ok well nothing i went through looked that bad so it's microtrauma #obviously microtraumas build up but still. #then the older i get and the more i have these conversations the more I notice that stuff which to me is a microtrauma #is a lot of people's defining trauma. and they're reacting appropriately which means i am SO SEVERELY UNDERREACTING #told my friend the other day about a time someone who i still like and respect was having sex with me when i paralocated my hip #and then just kept getting really annoyed with me for not being ready to have sex again while i was literally crying with pain #until i caved and just tried to find the last painful position #and my friend was like pal what the fuck that's horrific #and i was like i mean no that's normal I've had sex with like maybe 3 or 4 people in my life who i haven't had similar stuff with #like i am genuinely thrown when i am allowed to say no to sex and have it be the end of the conversation. and not end up having sex #out of guilt or out of physical coercion or through physical rape. and i have had sex with probably like 40 people at this stage? #and I'm not sure it's as many as 4 i haven't had that experience with tbh #so like. I'm slowly coming to terms with the idea #that i may have actually been doing a hell of a lot of heavy lifting. #like i developed a sense of self that can survive being constantly crushed and at this stage is fucking diamond.

[doodleodds]

Wow, what a prince~!

Late Shuake week 2022 Day 1 - Flowers

#shuakeweek2022 #akechi goro #kurusu akira #p5 #'theres no shuake in there sophia' yes there is. squint harder #listen ok. listen to me. they are pining. all i am capable of drawing is these two idiots pining. #akira is asking about whether he likes flowers because he doesn't wanna get him a gift he doesn't like ok!!!! #i KNOW its flimsy akeshu i'm sorry lmao. i'll do better in the coming days but i got this idea in my head & couldn't get it out so. there #i know it's not necessarily original but. it just grabbed me by the throat ok #'ooh why did he cut his hand while he's wearing gloves' suspend your disbelief :((( let me make a coloring mistake occasionally ok #and to clear up any remaining doubts NO akira did NOT get akechi knife flowers. i just think akechi should have crazy stalker fans #as a treat. #also lmao can you tell i found a new comic book dots brush today???? i bet u cant because i used it so sparingly and for emphasis (lie) #ANYWAY it's 2 am and i have work in the morning so. i gotta go to bed ^^; hope you guys have been well! #hopefully see you tomorrow for another post....or another two if i can draw fast and catch up lol

[thecraftgremlin]

Anyone else have a period of time where you were trying to overcorrect from your not-like-other-girls phase and force yourself to dress and present more feminine even though it made you uncomfortable?

#everyone says they came out of that phase loving pink and makeup and dresses but I sure as hell didn’t #I know cause I tried #cause it turns out when you grow up feeling like your experience is alien to what you’re supposed to be #and then you’re told it’s bad to think about yourself as separate and develop a shitty little superiority complex about it #the lesson you come out of it learning isn’t necessarily that you need to examine your biases against feminine things #it’s that you need to try harder to conform to the experience of girlhood that the media and your peers have presented you #because otherwise you’re just as bad at being a girl as you were when you were little #I dunno can you tell I’m a little bitter here?

[golden-fairylights]

Okay my lovely darling @hrhgeorgerussell tagged me to pst my favourite ten pictures of last year and tag ten people (for now, I already apologize because I know some of them have already been tagged. But I just didn't know who I should tag instead.)

And now i'm no-pressure-tagging @jshadow01 @espithewarlock @duquesademiel @boxboxbrioche @wolfiemcwolferson @fenesacha @river-ocean @gaslybottoms @leclercenjoyer (and I know its only nine but I don't know people and I'm already so sorry I'm double tagging🥲)

#Ann you said finding the pictures was hard #finding people to tag was much harder #sorry again for double tagging #also most of the pictures are from situations I had lot's of fun in #it's not necessarily the pictures I love that much

[worse0mens]

#be honest #no snobbery attached I genuinely just want to know #results on this are gonna be fascinating #older fans who remember the book coming out probably knew but the younger fans would have a harder time knowing that #since y’know the book is older than a lot of us and The Omen has pretty much faded completely from pop culture by now #it echoes in various antichrist tropes but I’d argue most modern viewers wouldn’t necessarily know where those tropes originated #good omens #the omen #the omen 1976 #tumblr polls

[g0nta-g0kuhara]

Finished the Kokichi half of the ch4 essay! Just slightly less than 3k. I Will have to split the kokichi and gonta halves into two posts because of the tumblr post image limit, though

#shut up me #I found 30 screenshots as proof for my arguments. I am insane #I have a feeling the screenshots are gonna be harder to find for gonta.. because he's way more of a background character #so the big moments for his development aren't necessarily big story moments #so the chances that I will remember where to look for them are so much lower #I will try though! I already know some of the ones I want to find and include

[thediktatortot]

I miss loving art. I miss sitting down with an idea and putting it to paper regardless the medium and regardless of the skill and abilities and just making it. I miss feeling proud of my works and accomplished. I miss those days when creativity and ideas just flowed.

I miss sitting down and holding a pencil and not feeling so bored and so confused and so demoralized.

#Vent #Art is harder the more skills you gain #It's just a fact #I think the more skills you have the less creativity that can flow and idk how to change that #I don't enjoy classic artists who made 'childish' art but I can understand the appeal of making it #it's not necessarily childish art it's just less weighed down by skill and expertise

[vampacidic]

there's something so interesting about the original 3 eccentrics being completely able to mold themselves to fit the roll that is required of them (rei goes wherever people ask + is what the situation needs regardless of what he wants; wataru desires acceptance above all else so, as an entertainer, he's constantly shifting who he is; kanata was a god and did whatever was demanded of him to fulfill others' expectations) versus the additional two (shu + natsume) who are so completely and utterly themselves they refuse to change who they are... some sort of analysis there. rei/wataru/kanata's arcs rely on them learning that they can be their own people regardless of what others want because they are individually worthy of love VS shu/natsume's arcs which are about them learning that compromising is part of love and clinging to a past that's no longer there is not what love is. man

#shu is so controlling in ! because he's so assured of who he is. and thus he knows who everyone is #natsume isn't necessarily controlling but he's so assured of himself that when someone challenges him he sees it as a threat #(shu does as well) which is why the war particularly hit them harder #vs kanata/wataru/rei who recognized the roles they must play and adapted. i mean wataru most of all #but do you get what i'm saying. am i going insane #sage talks #enstars #yeah this can go in the main tag. fuck it #esp bc shu/natsu were released after wata/kana/rei. Do you see how the message of the narrative evolves

[devilsskettle]

i’ve started to really dislike stories where the stakes are really expansive. ofc a story needs stakes but i think i’m really over “saving the world” stakes, i’m not interested in global or universal consequences. i’m only interested in stories that remain at the personal and interpersonal levels (whether those stakes are really high — life or death; or really low — whether or not a character can wake up the next day and feel okay about themselves, whether or not two characters can maintain a relationship)

#this isn’t necessarily an indictment on stories where the whole world is at stake #but i do think it makes it harder for audiences to suspend their disbelief and easier to write overpowered characters accidentally #or have to pull a deus ex machina or some other contrived solution #and depending on the length of the story lead to villain decay and jumping the shark (like stranger things. for example) #ofc it’s a convention of certain genres but even then it’s like…. well idk #do you need to save The Galaxy can’t you just save new york or whatever like spiderman

[bosquedemel]

finding out that the percy jackson show was co-created by jonathan steinberg - who was the co-creator and showrunner of black sails of all shows - has actually made me more curious to watch it despite not having any prior interest. i've only seen the logan lerman movies but i never read the books (tried to once but didn't get into it plus i'm not a big mythology person)

#i was also already an adult when i tried to read the books which could be a factor too #some kids books become substantially harder to read as an adult not necessarily bc of the quality but just because #you're not the target demographic #text #percy jackson