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pocketramblr · 4 months

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Absolutely love your writing for all the AU/5 headcanons asks. Can I ask: AU where Rei cheats on Endeavor with All Might? It happens after AM's injury, so she doesn't recognize him, and he ofc doesn't know that she's married in the first place, much less to whom

you make this very difficult for me by giving me a window of 6 and half years for them to have an affair and for every single moment of that window, Rei is institutionalized. how am i supposed to get them to meet, much less take their clothes off. ok. think. there are other fic writers who specialize in this kind of thing, surely. what would they do....

1- ok so. The fire alarm at the hospital goes off. Rei doesn't know if it's a drill or not, but she's been there for seven years and generally does not need a lot of support during something like this like other patients do, so the nurses wave her out and she stands around outside a bit waiting for the fire alarm to stop and them to go back in. (It isn't a drill, they wouldn't have evacuated everyone if it was, but Rei is on the other side of the building and facing away from seeing any smoke) (This smoke is from a villain attack that All Might is taking care of, though he's only got seconds left of his power to use that day. he quickly rushes off, deflating and stumbling out on the other side of the hospital. Where Rei is.)

2- Rei is like "huh that guy doesnt seem to be in good shape" and kinda waves attention at him, and a nurse who's passing out water to patients and keeping an eye on the road gives Toshinori some too, getting more concerned when he dazedly answers that he's All Might and coughs up blood, but the nurse figures he's concussed since he smells of smoke and must have been closer to the fight, and is just reeling from being able to see the number one hero in person. Then they get distracted and wave Toshi to wait nearby, where Rei offers to chill his water and asks if he's alright, if he breathed in any smoke.

3- They chat and then go back into the hospital as it's un-evacuated together, Rei hanging out in the lobby where he sits as the hospital staff focus on getting everyone else back to their rooms. It pays to be low priority sometimes. Eventually she tells him her name is Rei and that she's in room K18, if he ever wants to visit or call. She doesn't get to talk to anyone except doctors, family visitors, or other paitients, and most of them don't stay nearly as long as she does. It's been seven years, and she's very lonely. Toshinori is lonely too, and when he's out of time for a day and feeling useless with nothing to do, he likes to talk to a friend.

4- Rei has been in the hospital for eight years when it gets physical. At that point, Toshinori knows a bit about her family. She has kids, mentions visits from a son and daughter, and then quietly mentioned when her son turned seventeen- her daughter's already twenty. She's been there for so much of their lives. He asks if she's married, and she admits she isn't sure how to file for divorce in a hospital like she is, if she even can, if she wants to because she'd lose custody, if it matters when she's not raising them anyway. He doesn't ask much more, knows there is a dead child and a baby she says isn't safe with her there. Toshinori never called Nana 'mom' to her face while she was alive, and had a reason for it, and has a similar reason for not asking more, not asking for the other names when he gets Fuyumi and Natsuo's. Yes, the doctors and nurses all know Rei has a boyfriend who visits. they don't say anything. who would they even tell, anyway. I debated the humor of reusing the bit from candlelight shoto that Toshi and Rei could have a kid with a fire quirk, but yeah here? Rei ain't getting pregnant, absolutely not.

5- When Natsuo turns eighteen, Rei does actually file for divorce, or at least tries to get the ball rolling on that. Toshinori's trusted her that her marriage is over in all but name, but he's more at ease with it ended fully. Fuyumi is crushed but burying it all deep inside. Natsuo is like 'what are you talking about. divorce is the most normal possible outcome here.' But anyway, Rei also begins to bring up being discharged- something she never bothered with earlier, when it seemed like she'd never be able to go home while Shoto was there, and never would want to go back anyway. (Her parents are absolutely not an option either so where would she go once discharged? the hospital was her only security.) Toshinori then tells her at this point about his diagnosis, that he's supposed to be terminal, in a way. He doesn't have a lot of time he can give her. Rei says that's ok, she'll take what she can get. She moves in. Fuyumi still goes out to eat with her once a week, though Rei doesn't say she's moved in with a boyfriend, just says she's in a safe place and it's not Fuyumi's job to worry about it, please, let her do that, relax, be her daughter instead of a mother. Natsuo adds her to his cellphone plan and gets her one. Rei doesn't tell Toshinori her ex's identity. Toshinori doesn't tell her about OfA, though she does know he's mentoring a student for heroics and is very proud of him. (Toshinori is a secretary at Might Tower, he's a great mentor. Oh huh, he got a job position at UA at the same time as All Might, she wonders if they carpool.)

+1- OK THE REVEAL so the reveal is. Toshinori gets home from the SF. And Rei almost knocks him out by the door, eyes wide and panicked, asking if he's ok, if Shoto's ok. Toshinori is like "... young todoroki? yeah he's alright? i know his fight with young bakugo looked bad but- Rei???" And that's when it all clicks for him, he's having dozens of horrible realizations at once, all while Rei weeps over her youngest. Toshinori's been a hero for a very, very long time. He's felt hopeless, before. But even then, he's known what needs to be done, he just isn't able to do it. But now? he's at a complete loss with no idea what he should do.

#quick poll here. um. do we think shoto knows his parents are divorced #because i mean theres a lot of things he doesnt know about his family that he should #its not like they're really talking at that point #on the other hand. would enji have told him out of frustration for him clinging to his ice when rei left them?#basically. which one is funnier #Shoto going 'mom divorced you??? OH HELL YEAH GOOD FOR HER IM ONLY USING ICE TO CELEBRATE THAT i mean i know she hates me sure she should.#as long as she isn't tied to YOU anymore either we are going down hand in unlovable hand old man!!!'#or #shoto having no idea of the divorce and so when the truth comes out #either from toshinori or rei #hes like 'HELL YEAH YOUVE BEEN CHEATING ON DAD WITH ALL MIGHT???? HIGH FIVE MOM THATS THE BEST POSSIBLE REVENGE DABI WISHES HE'D #ORCHESTRATED THIS BUT HE NEVER HAD THE CREATIVITY TO!!! wait what do you mean its not cheating anymore because youre divorced'#these tags are funny because wow theres a lot of yikes and heavy stuff in the main post. ah ha ha. ah.#pocket talks to people #ask game #anon

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butmakeitgayblog · 5 months

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Spoiler? for fear the walking dead. if you care about that? Alycia did it again 💀 I’m not sure about anything else that happened since she left but apparently her character finally reunited with her mother

Baby I seen, and she looks fine as fuck

I haven't seen exactly what happens entirely cuz people are being slow posting clips but it's fine cuz I'm,,, pretty sure it's offensively nonsensical plot wise anyway, but whew. Damn Alycia, back at it again. Girl will do community service for all the busted ass shows of her past and I suppose I respect that. Loyalty and all that

#anon #ftwd #ftwd spoiler?#maybe?#i doubt anyone really cares all that much anymore 🥴#sooo.... Alicia has immunity then?#like that's... that has to be the logical conclusion here how else could she have lived?#what happened here I need to understood this fuckery #lovely to see her face tho Alicia deserved so much better #also like #she thought Madison was dead 🤨#if eyeeeee saw my momma after thinking she was gone for years idk if I'd just “.... mom?....” and then ~calm hug~#whatever she looks insanely hot here I'm not gonna question the gifts I will simply say thank you #woke up to take more pain meds and had a rollercoaster of emotions alright then

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frnkiebby · 12 days

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he’s so goddamn cute i stg~🎃

(the game)

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dylanconrique · 13 days

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i'm not gonna lie you guys, i'm starting to think i ship bucktommy more than buddie now.

#*carly catalogs #respectfully please don't come anon me again about ryan guzman's controversy #i felt like i was in jigsaw trap a few nights ago when i was getting bombarded with messages #i had people bitching about it and others saying that it happened so long ago and the cast held him accountable for it #like i really don't know what direction to go anymore cause i still consider myself a buddie shipper #.... but like... i don't wanna get blasted for that #especially since i don't have him pegged as one of my blorbo men on my bingo card #i really don't go THAT crazy for him idk he's just not my type #not that he's not fine as fuck #anyway....#just caught myself up on 7x05 and i loved every second of it #911 abc #buddie #evan buckley #tommy kinard #bucktommy

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miodiodavinci · 4 days

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I made a Vocaloid channel but I'm having trouble getting views. I like making covers for fun but I wish I could get more than a handful of views, especially since I haven't even gotten 5 on my latest ones. I use Vocaloid 6, which may be the problem since not many people talk much about it as much as the older versions

Would you have any advice as to what I can do?

m m m m m , , , , , , i feel like it's hard to say—back in the day when i was doing UTAU work, most of the interaction i got with my work was from my friends from UTAForum. we all sort of just shared our work with each other and supported one another doing our fun little hobby. though the sort of forum culture that spawned that sort of friend circle has kind of disappeared by this point , , , , ,

but honestly, even still—find folks whose work you like and get involved!! share your work on other sites and shout out people you like!! support the folks around you and establish yourself as part of a community

(of course like. don't treat it as a transactional thing. if there's one way to ensure No One interacts with your work it's to. comment on people's things or shout people out and then get passive aggressive expecting a response back. doesn't work like that. you support people because you love them and their work—not because you want something in return.)

but even more than that, honestly just keep doing what you do and the love in your work will come across in heaps and bounds, and someone will be bound to listen. people also tend to get interested the more you put your own spin on something, whether it's creating your own PVs, adding your own harmonies, sharing some of your files, or linking multiple covers together as part of a kind of overarching story. if you make it yours, it'll be yours for good.

like, at the end of the day we can all agree that views are just a number on a screen and are kind of meaningless and no one should base their worth on them, but also yeah it kind of wears you down after a while to keep sharing things you've put a lot of love and effort into with no response.

i'd just like to encourage you not to lose your passion for it—views or not, there's a lot to be gain by pursuing something you love. your VOCALOID endeavors are only just beginning, and who knows where you'll end up ! ! ! ! take the journey as far as it'll take you, and have fun all the while ! ! ! ! ! ! !

also send me your work i want to listen 👁 👁

#mio answers things #anon #is. what i think i mean to say sjdhflkgjhjdfg #forgive me i am bad with advice like this #but i think the long and short of it is I Feel You Deeply Anon #you awakened visceral memories of posting cover after cover onto deviantART and UTAU forum and getting like. 1 view.#and the feeling suuuuucckkkks so bad #but like. very much what kept me going was just. sharing with friends instead #like. if i am being wholly and completely honest??#even now i usually make my covers with maybe 5 people in mind. 10 max.#i work on my covers and i have fun and i think about like 4 or 5 of my friends i know will go nuts over it when i post it #and really that's what matters to me most skjhdflgjh #NOT THAT I DON'T SUPER APPRECIATE ALL THE LOVE AND SUPPORT I GET FROM EVERYONE . . . . .#but like. when i was working on my wanderlast cover i was literally just sitting there thinking 'ohhhhhhhh myst is going to love this w'#you really do just make for yourself and your friends and you will be so so happy forever #but also again. i feel you on the views w #fight the urge to base your worth on it #but also know that YEAH if you've got people you like and they like your work back #the views will get better and they won't matter so much anymore w

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oifaaa · 9 months

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Very interested in seeing your idea about evil Tim :0c is it about the AU where he’s an even fanfic writer?

I was joking last night but now I'm kinda really into the idea that he's like a evil version of Clark Kent ie a sweet and kind investigative journalist by day evil villain hell bent of destroying the batfam by night ...he still writes evil fanfic don't worry that will come up

#ask #anon #also i know anon earlier was joking #and dont worry i will come up with a better costume #but reverse robin #mmmm im liking it #like reverse flash vibes #also my current idea is like i said #tim was really upset that bruce refused to put anymore kids in danger #(atleast at the time tim was trying to convince him to take up a new robin)#so hes like im gonna show you that you need a robin #and becomes the anti robin or reverse robin #also do like the idea he does spend a wee while apprenticing with a few of the rogues who do allow it

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sylvies-kablooie · 4 months

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tbh, i think the whole thought process behind how sylvie is written is that she is not attached to loki and her happiness doesn't at all depend on him in any way.

was their connection deep? did he impact her? "shatter" her world even? yes. this is why she is so angry at him. bc in her mind, he had betrayed her.

but he doesn't take up much more space in her mind. she goes on to live her life just fine without him at the end of both seasons.

loki is a different story, he is obsessed with her to the point of doing something completely "out of character" and being ready to sacrifice everything for her.

i personally love how "unequal" their relationship is in this way, but i understand that it's not the majority of shippers' cup of tea kind of dynamic.

this is an interesting interpretation! i enjoy getting to hear people's differing takes on their dynamic, so this was a fun read. and hey if unrequited is your trope then all the more power to you. you're braver than me, that's for sure.

i haven't rewatched s2 (and tbh idk if i ever will- it just didn't do it for me the way i wanted it to) but the consensus that "loki fell first and harder" def seems supported by s1 and enhanced by s2. which i think made it all the more shocking when she kisses him first. i love that little detail.

i have a different take, which is informed by episode 5- particularly the bar scene contrasted with the record shop scene. she tells him to go and live his life and move on, then immediately goes to a record shop, tells the man at the counter she had a bad day, and then cries to the velvet underground (it looked like crying, also possible she was just laying there and basking it all in, which is just as compelling in my opinion).

to me that read as someone who is trying so hard to place their feelings in a convenient little box and ignore them and then running away when it doesn't work.

sylvie doesn't strike me as someone who can sit still, especially not after living through a million apocalypses and trying to ensure her survival. and while getting a job in oklahoma might not be the same frantic pace she's used to, i do think she threw herself into it (employee of the month placard i'm looking at you!) so she has a new life, a new job, time to do things like go to the bar and get a haircut and listen to music and do everything possible to just. not. process. the annoying feelings that the citadel situation brings up. just keep moving! just don't think about it! and so when loki rolls up at her work, she tries to push him away, tell him he's the last thing she wants to deal with, get him to leave. the tone in the bar scene felt like that to me as well. like she's saying just leave me so i can stop thinking about this.

of course, loki does not want to leave her- it's just that for some reason he is physically incapable of talking about anything but the TVA, who ruined her life and she justifiably wants nothing to do with hearing about how great they actually are. he is pretty skilled at killing the mood. (i take great pleasure in rewrite fics that make a show of addressing this)

am i blinded by shipping goggles and my own projection onto her? it's possible! but to me it read as someone in denial. when we hear sylvie talk about her love life on the train in s1 (a scene i LOVE because it seems so out of left field for her) we get a very clear sense she has no idea what she is doing when it comes to romance (and then flat out says so during the blanket scene). her experience with romance hasn't been anything real, to the point where i hesitate to even use the term "romance"- just centuries of numbing herself by staying busy with a fling. she is like a shark that will just collapse if she stops moving. which we get to see her do in the record store!

that's just how i read it though! your read on it is just as valid and i like hearing all of the different takes. i am by no means trying to persuade you to join my pining sylvie agenda, just using this blog as a means of idea exchange. which i love doing. seriously it's so fun.

#i was really happy to wake up to this in my inbox so thank u anon :) u made my day!!!!#i do think she had a hope that he would come back for her and then she cringed at experiencing that and shoved it down further #shoutout to that person on twitter that made the post contrasting her telling loki to move on in the bar #with her breaking down in the record shop and said “her ass did NOT mean that”#because i have had it saved in my screenshots since November and i laugh every time #i agree. her ass did not in fact mean that.#or maybe if she did it's a manner of “please leave so that i don't have to think about this anymore”#i got the sense in the bar scene that she was asking him to choose her and he didn't. and miscommunication i hate u.#anyway let me know what you think!#this was pretty hastily typed up so i might change things later. maybe not. we shall see i guess.#loki series #sylki #pro sylki #sylvie #sylvie laufeydottir #juni answers #juni analysis

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qtubbo · 6 months

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i rewatched tubbo’s first few meetings with fred, and i forgot how quickly he became protective of them. literally day one he was telling off the others for not being nice to his new friend and at the maze even after fred started shooting at them tubbo told her to stick close because he didn’t want her to get hurt. same thing with the eggs and then with kitkat. he gets attached so easily. there's been a lot of talk about frubbo lately but honestly anyone who's nice to him gets a shocking amount of loyalty (until they do something that hurts him)

He admittedly does imprint on anything that like remotely shows kindness, I think it helps thats both Fred and KitKat are like naive to him in the sense that he doesn’t believe they could be using him. While he latched onto to trusting Pac pretty quickly. He hung out with Fit more, but it took him longer to be unwavering to him because Fit had secrets.

#Im so eepy right now so sorry if that makes zero sense #I think cctubbo gets attached very easily but from a lore prespective I think qtubbo trusts anything that doesn’t come off #Like it’s hiding something. Like now qtubbo would die for fit and he really doesn’t investigate him anymore but at the being #He had no trust at all #qsmp #tubbo #asks!#I love how I get lore asks its like a little treat i appreciate you anon #He really was forced to make frubbo a slowburn that man wanted romance day 3

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the-one-who-lambs · 6 months

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Me: I don't know if my ideas are worth sharing, I'm losing engagement from my readerbase these past few months so I must be doing something wrong, I don't think I've really accomplished anything as a writer.

Some person in my AO3 comments hyped as FUCK for the Risen Lamb/Fallen God rewrite:

#hannah's rambles #negative kinda #I've been really feeling down about nearly everything i make lately and it's bothering me a lot #There was this not quite-well-meaning anon I got a few months ago that seemed to compliment me on the surface #But seemed very backhanded #Basically informing me “oh youre basically the most popular writer in the fandom. here are some ways im going to compare you to others”#and i tangentially kinda knew how readers viewed me as a good/semipopular writer but i just ignored it #because i primarily do it for fun #but it made me realize what readers actually do consider in works when theyre looking for a fic they want #and i feel like i've peaked already in a lot of ways #ugh #sorry for kvetching at yall but i feel like y'all deserve to know part of why im just not writing as much lately #sometimes i try to hype myself up so i can still feel like anything of mine is worth reading or writing in the first place #but it's not working anymore

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superfruitland · 15 days

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Live Life Update When? :D

want more? then show it.

reblog updates, tag your thoughts, comment something, interact with the artist, etc. that's positive feedback babey. that's the shit that gets me going as an artist. interaction makes me want to work on my stories more.

asks like this one read poorly. don't get me wrong, i love that you are excited for my work, and i can tell there's no malicious intent behind these, but it's not exactly the most motivating thing to see you essentially demanding for an update.

mildly odd wording choices i know but i'm exhausted, i'm fairly certain the point comes across :D

#lee's thoughts #debated if i should answer this #these dont really bother me anymore so idrc #thought i'd spell it out for these few anons that have not gotten the memo #/nm /lh

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meatexe · 4 hours

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umm it has come to my attention tht ppl still actively access my dropbox whoa (get ur bang for ur buck i love tht for u!!) but tht also means i’m getting asks about when i’ll update it!

and the answer is: probably never.

i think i charged $20 for it and there are close to 100 things in there so because i feel that those that bought it got their money’s worth, i have a job that would cause friction if i went back to sex work + i’m in a relationship, there will probably be no updates to that dropbox unless my life drastically changes!

keep jerking off to it tho that’s cool 👍🏽

#i really thought tht dropbox had fallen off the face of the earth #if ur confused this isnt for u its for like the three anons in my inbox n a friend who messaged me so i decided to post this to #clear things up bc i felt bad fbsnhdhd #also no i dont sell access to it anymore bc its like 3 maybe 4 years old at this point #ok thank u <3

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coquelicoq · 2 months

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raksura for the ask meme?

YAY

blorbo (favorite character, character I think about the most) moon was designed in a lab to appeal to me personally, so. it's about the trust issues!

scrunkly (my "baby”, character that gives me cuteness aggression, character that is So Shaped) the sky copper clutch!! traumatized children imprinting on a guy with baby fever is usually what i go to fanfic for so to have it right there in canon? incredible. i love all of frost's little tantrums and idk, just the way that she claims moon as her family in a way that has nothing to do with court politics? she's like, we're your clutch, obviously. and this is our court because it's your court, and all the other jabronis who live here are on thin ice. she's ready to throw down with moon's wife/the government at all hours of the day and she's like six years old. i love that moon has that energy in his life even though he personally is pretty confused and exhausted by it lol.

scrimblo bimblo (underrated/underappreciated fave) it's hard out here for an ember stan because he is in so few scenes relative to the space he occupies in my psyche! i need 5000% more interactions between him and moon. him and stone. him and shade. him and river. him and the teachers. him and the clutches. him and jade and balm and chime. oh my god him and malachite? him and celadon? him and delin??

glup shitto (obscure fave, character that can appear in the background for 0.2 seconds and I won’t shut up about it for a week) niran. i'm always up for a "longsuffering ship captain resigns himself to another restless night of hearing gigantic shapeshifters with incredible stamina fuck nasty on the roof of his cabin" moment. technically i have never been in that exact situation, but i feel like i can relate.

poor little meow meow (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave) river who is CLASSIC poor little meow meow territory like yes his whole personality is being a grade A asshole and sure he tries to kill my blorbo a few times, but once you get to know him he's so sad and pathetic that i'm kind of like okay where can i sign up to defend him from the largely factual aspersions of his dozens of quite frankly justified haters? he'd hate that. the good shit 👌

horse plinko (character I would torment for fun, for whatever reason) stone. every time he crankily says "why did i ever reproduce" upon finding himself entangled in yet another ridiculous clusterfuck thanks to one of his hundreds of idiot great-great-great-great-great grandchildren, an angel gets its wings. he's depressed and antisocial but he can't totally check out because he has to mediate relationship issues between his dumbass relatives. love that for him.

eeby deeby (character I would send to superhell) malachite but specifically because malachite would not be scared of superhell. she'd skulk around being invisible, maybe fuck some shit up if she felt like it, and leave when she got bored. she probably makes it like. opal night's sister city or something. and nobody in the court is at all phased. yeah that's our reigning queen who recently got back from vacation in superhell. she does that. she says it's relaxing.

#yooo thank you for asking for this one!! i had already started thinking about it because river is like. plmms of all time for me #he's the platonic ideal of a plmm in my book #books of the raksura #asks #anon #every few months i check the ember ao3 tag to see if there are any new fics and there hardly ever are. but i live in hope #the moon-ember diplomatic attache tag team would be off the chain. it's all i would ever think about #ember was raised to be an imperial consort in a harem drama and he gets there and the empress is just like.#a deadly grizzly bear with no table manners who loves children and can't read and gets his feelings hurt really easily #moon tells him a bedtime story the second time they meet and ember is like #wow i love you. i'd die for you. if you'll be my bodyguard i can be your long-lost anger translator #a match made in heaven 🥰#meanwhile moon is picking up on none of this and is like. well i guess nobody's going to want me anymore now that they have #a REAL consort. he even knows how to pour tea. bastard. but i have to look out for him because he's so young and innocent. dammit #but if anyone actually needs to be looked out for in the cutthroat world of court politics it's moon. and ember is the one who can do that #i love the idea of indigo cloud needing moon to fulfill some diplomatic function and everyone knowing that the only way #to get him to agree is to send ember to point his big sad eyes at him #ember likes to hang out in moon's bower just dressing him up like a doll. moon submits to this with resigned forbearance #if anyone else tries it he bites off their entire head

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caseythebunnyboy · 5 months

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If your boypussy is so tight, why isn't it milking my balls dry right now?

i apologize for not currently being pierced on your cock, my dear anon 😵‍💫 such a shame that you arent inside my boycunt right now, because its so desperate for something to fill and breed it that itd probably tighten around you more, practically pulling you deeper into me and encouraging you to pound my bunny pussy until im begging you to slow down 💜 but its my fault that youre fucking me so hard, isnt it? if i didnt wanna get breeded like a toy then my cunt wouldnt be so tight and warm around you, right? 😊💜

#casey ★ answering #i wanna get bred so bad its not even funny anymore #me when im still a virgin 😔#would be really nice if someone came to change that sighhhh #(is giving anon a sign to take my virginity)

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heliosphere-underthesky · 13 days

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Uh just asking, how will Jupiter look when he is mad, since i've seen certain vids his eyes turn red hahahhaha

I haven't seen those videos yet! Now I'm intrigued.

I'm not entirely sure since he does avoid getting mad; he's afraid of his own power when he can't control it hence he avoids getting extremely emotional.

But I'd like to imagine he gets red eyes too (or at least one of his eyes gets red idk)

(Here he is without his main armour and just his suit beneath; his suit functions a lot like chainmail)

#art #jupiter #jove #asks #anon #anonymous #oh but he was a lot more reckless and emotional as younger planet. i don't have modern designs for younger jupiter yet...#nor do i have the proper lore for it yet #i wanted him sun and saturn to have a history but still reading up on the most plausible theories for that #studies are ever changing so hngngngg can't really risk a detailed backstory in case scenarios like the grand tack isn't as accepted anymor #tag commentary

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trashlie · 8 months

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[‼️FP 237 spoilers] with nol's walls all the way up shin's "if you won't let me have you" is our only hope now <///3 tbh i had a strong feeling that nol would be extremely stubborn (after all, it's not just dieter and alyssa/"being like his father" that are preventing him from letting her in; the biggest reason remains yui) so i was actually hoping that shinae would be the initiator, that she'd back him into a corner and really push for it. but i swear to GOD if she shows up with a confession and he hits her with the "your feelings are your responsibility not mine" I WILL FIND A WAY TO TELEPORT INTO THE COMIC AND KILL HIM. LIL BUDDY JOIN ME. NOLAN PREPARE FOR DEATH 😾💥😾💥😾💥 i'm just HOPING that he's all talk and once shin shows up all his resolve crumbles ;; but it's starting to look like he's gonna need the time in jail to clear his head, sit with his feelings, read nessa's letters, and then yujing's article will probably make him see that there is hope, that things can be turned around, and maybe then he'll be willing to make alliances. but god i would HATE for them to part on bad terms i would HATE to see shin getting hurt again <///3 this girl has put up with SO MUCH she has given SO MUCH of herself to him and nothing is coming back she has been going through all stages of heartbreak how much more is she gonna have to endure i just UARGGHHHGHHHH.

-frustrated lil anon 😾

the thing is there is a big flaw in nol's thinking that someone needs to point out to him please. it's understandable that the stronger his feelings are, the closer they get, the more scared he is of what could happen - what yui could do -, and that he wants to prevent a tragedy at all cost. but boyo. guess what. YUI HAS ALREADY TAKEN INTEREST IN SHINAE REGARDLESS SO IT'S TOO LATE. whether you cut shin off or not, she is still in yui's trap!! she's actually *worse* off without you, so might as well join forces!!! GRRRRRR i'm seriously so frustrated. -lil anon 😾

GOD!!!!!!! /GOD/ Listen Lil Anon I am RIGHT THERE WITH YOU. All the way with the frustration, too, and it's so difficult because YES. I get him. I UNDERSTAND!!!! But HE DOESN'T HAVE THE WHOLE STORY.

I firmly feel like, yes, it is up to Shinae and her pure determination to tackle this, and I'm hoping he is all talk, or rather, I'm banking on the way he crumbles in her presence and how he can't stick to his guns because of her. I need them to sit and have a GOOD, HONEST conversation and I'm really afraid of how possible that is with the pace we're going at ;A; Like afkjalfkjaklfjkaf lemme lmao try to organize my thoughts.

Basically Nol lives with this fear that HE is a terrible mistake, a terrible monster, that he caused his mom's death and is responsible for all the bad things that exist as a result of his existence and caring for anything. Like, I am 300% sure that this mindset was drilled into him when he was institutionalized, that they basically took this child and brainwashed him into believing that his entire existence is a mistake because things would be so much better if he didn't exist.

He lost his mom. His father doesn't seem to love him. He's all alone. He probably said some awful things to his mom, before losing her, so it was easy to convince him that she died because of him, that he's like this poisonous gas that destroys everything it touches. But here's the thing. This is all he knows! He knows Yui is terrible - to him! He knows Rand is cruel - to him! He feels like he's a burden, a mistake. When Nana tells him how worried Rand was, Nol can't believe it, figures it must be because it's yet another mess for him to clean up, or because of his precious heir.

Nol may know that Yui played Alyssa like a puppet, but he very much thinks Alyssa's current situation is the course of her own choices, that she must've wanted to be famous, to impress Yui so much. He doesn't realize that she very much is trapped in this career.

He doesn't know that Yui has manipulated Kousuke for the entirety of his life, that she's drugged even her own son! He thinks everything she does is for his benefit, because she loves him, because she hates Nol the terrible bastard child born to her husband's mistress.

When he sees Shinae at the formal, clearly against her will, Nol believes it's because of him. I think that was the moment he remembered what happens when he cares about people, why his relationships were supposed to be fake, why it was supposed to be about him helping others and not himself. The moment he started to care about people and seek relationships for himself, he put them in danger.

Compare this to how he talks about Alyssa, how he never mentions her as one of the people he cares about, how he even brushes off the idea of her visiting him in prison. He doesn't feel responsible for her in the same way he does for Shinae being there.

It's not even that it's about Yui, exactly, but that it's about HIM, and that he cared about her, that because that friendship meant something, because she means something, he put her in danger.

Except, we know better. We've seen this story from an objective standpoint that Nol doesn't possess. Consider this: Nol only knows that Shinae was at the formal against her will, that Yui gave her a job at the company behind Kousuke's back. He doesn't know about Kousuke's birthday.

I need Shinae and Nol to talk because Nol's fears are VALID and I think we can see that Dieter can tell Nol's fears are not unfounded, even though he doesn't know what it is he fears. He just knows that he must, that bad things happen. But, right! Bad things have already happened! And they're going to keep happening! Nol is terrified because he only knows this small part of everything, and that this small point indicates it's because of him. But what happened at Kousuke's apartment wasn't about Nol. Even if Nol feigned losing interest in Shinae it wouldn't matter, because Yui is already invested. At this point it is no longer about Kousuke OR Nol. It's her OWN interest.

Shinae needs to be up front with him - tell him that first off, it's her decision to make, not his, he can't keep choosing to push people away without including them. But more importantly, she needs to tell him about the birthday incident. Tell him what Rand told her, that she'll never be able to escape from Yui's clutches, that she's already invested. Tell him about the offer, that Rand is urging her take it and use it for her benefit.

Nol cannot see beyond his fear because it's all he knows, he has nothing to contradict it or prove otherwise. But I need him to listen to Shinae, because while she probably can't fully change his mind - it's so deeply ingrained in him at this point - I think she can at least show him that her danger doesn't change regardless of whether she's near him or not. That even if he left her now and never looked back, it wouldn't change the hold Yui has on her. The problem is, can logic even combat his inherent believe, this psychologically deep fear he has?

But still, I want her to. I want him to read those letters in the Bible before he goes to jail because frankly I CANNOT TAKE the idea of them parting without resolution, parting with her still feeling like she's being thrown away, him needing to sit in prison pathetically yearning for her to realize how badly he cannot fight this. I need him to crumble in front of her, to realize that he cannot actually deny himself, that he cannot turn away from her ;A; I need him to be HONEST with her! She's already heard him in the alley talking to Lil Buddy, she knows why he pulls away. I want him to straight up tell her how scared he his, so that she can counter him.

Wouldn't it be worse, to leave her in the dark? To leave her behind and pretend that everything will be okay? AUUUUUGGGGHHHHHH

IT'S JUST SO FRUSTRATING BECAUSE I UNDERSTAND HIM BUT HE'S WRONG AND I DON'T KNOW HOW WILLING HE WILL BE TO LISTEN! I DON'T KNOW HOW WILLING HE'LL BE TO ACCEPT THAT SHE'S BETTER OFF WITH HIM THAN WITHOUT.

Like.... at this point I'm really banking on Shinae's pure determination and maybe like... having to actually convince him because I know if she so much as initiates a kiss, he is going to CRUMBLE his brain is going to shut off he is SO touch starved and full of want and SO in love with her that the moment she initiates anything his resolve will melt away and it's OVER IT'S OVER.

But also I need him to read the letters from Nessa and see how badly Nessa wanted to protect Rand, and how he didn't let her. And how it ended up. Because Rand did what Nol is trying to do and it still didn't protect Nessa. Shinae doesn't deserve any of it - not what Yui would put her through but also not what Nol is putting her through. The Yui aspect can't be stopped, but he CAN stop the other so ALKJFALKFLAJFKAFJK ALKFJKLAFKFAJF FRAFLJ GRRRRRRRRR LAKJFKJFJKRJKRJ LIKE /SCREAMS/

I hope he reads the letters and realizes that it isn't something that will just pass. It wasn't for Rand. Even after he lost her, years later he still carried that Bible filled with her letters with her love with her desire to protect him, with the photo of their son. Rand never moved on. Even though he pushed her away and tried to be the responsible man, he never moved on.

Be for fucking real, Nol. You think you can do that? You know you can't do that. Rand never moved on, Nessa never moved on. Does he think Shinae could?

I want her to go in guns blazing. I want her to go in mad, I want them to argue because at least when they argue they're a little bit more honest, they say the things they might not if they were calmer and thought about their responses. I want her jealousy and insecurity to come out when Nol tries to shield himself with "I have a girlfriend" and I want her to remind him he said it was fake and he resents her. I wan her to look him in the eye and ask if he can really throw it all away, if he wouldn't have any regrets if he gave up and left her. I want him to fail to answer and instead tell her that maybe he can, who knows, maybe none of this is really real. And I want her to kiss him and prove to him how very real it is, how very much they both want it, and how very much they need each other.

They can have a heart to heart afterwards ;A; She can tell him about the Kousuke birthday party nightmare fiasco, remind him how Yui manipulated her and took advantage of her desperation, tell her what Rand said, that Yui will never let her go, tell him about Yui's offer. I want her to hold his stupid face and tell him that the only thing denying his feelings and pushing her away can do is hurt her more because regardless, she's trapped. She can't get out of her contract, she still has to face them! I want him to see that even if he can't get around his own paralyzing fear that that doesn't have to be the only option. He can leave. He can disappear. He can go away - as long as he doesn't sever that tie, as long as she still has contact. ;~;

Cos look.... I don't think we, or Shinae, could handle Nol leaving without resolving things. Even if it was a "he leaves and in prison he realizes he was a fool he can't do this he can't leave her like that", can she really handle him doing this? He had his opportunity to leave - twice. He could have left for jail and never stepped foot in her presence ever again, but he still went to her. And after they talked she told him he could leave, that she wanted closure. But he stayed.

He stayed and they talked and they shared moments and she told him all about her most painful straw, about why being thrown away by him hurts so much. He stayed and he almost died and she almost lost him and while the city was asleep they found comfort in their least favorite place together. While everyone slept they flirted and finger danced and danced and he hurt her again and how can he leave after that how can he push her away. He told her that what they did wasn't "just friends" that it was something more and all but told her to come back when she'd figured it out and she has and if he tries to push her away when she finally comes back I will KICK HIS ASS. Because if he does that how can she ever accept him back after? ;A; How can he shatter her heart over and over again and ever come back into her life? ;_________________;

So PLEASE I hope she can convince him, if only by refusing to let go, by convincing him of why he's making a mistake.

;A;

SCREAMS

#I Love Yoo #ILY Brainrot #ILY FP #ILY Spoiler #Lil Anon #ILY Anon #Nolan Oliver T. Lochlainn #Stalkyoo #Aegi #Shinae Yoo #HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SCREAMS #I'm gonna try and do my 236 thought dump but listen #i was full of soooo much dread and i still kind of am but not as bad anymore and i don't feel AS despairing #still kinda tho cos Nol is SO unpredictable but i just!!!!!#i feel like the Nol/Shinae talk has been hyped up too much to not happen but i'm also afraid of his resolve #i need Shinae to be assertive #i need her to take what she wants instead of letting him lead #i need her to fight back because THIS ISN'T HIS DECISION ALONE #she knows the risks (not really but kinda) and if she chooses him if she chooses to be a team THEN SHUT UP AND LET HER #;A;#I JUST ALFJAFKJJAFJKAFKJAFJKJAF #HOWLS #STOP HURTING HER SHE DOESN'T DESERVE IT #AND STOP HURTING YOURSELF #they NEED to have a heart to heart #he may not be able to talk about what makes him a monster in his eyes but she can at least dispel the 'logic' that it's related to him #that it's that witch and that whatever choices they make it won't change the outcome #that they need to be TOGETHER to get through because they're so much more vulnerable alone #i keep thinking about how Yui could use them against each other and alfjakfkjafjaf hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh HATE IT

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