#but nothing's really gonna convince me that my memories arent real

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom episode 4-7 Thoughts: (under a readmore because, these got kinda long!)

-the outfit danny had to buy for dash's party. CLASSIC 2000S i cannot stop laughing. And also showing up to the party and everyone is dressed like the trio is hilarious. and further proof that everyone looks good dressed goth.

-dash has a closet full of cute lil bear plushies?? LOVE that. adorable. also his response to danny trashing his room fighting a ghost was SO valid if somone BROKE MY BED IN HALF ID BE PISSED TOO.

-technus being like 'oh smart, u should be a tutor!' then later being like 'forget tutor, be a teacher!' :) supportive king <3 I also really like his upgraded suit/design. AND SPOCK CAMEO??? HELLO??

-the music in this show is super. its so funky. I looked it up and the guy who does it, guy moon (awesome name) also did music for other cartoons like fairly odd parents, barnyard, chalkzone, billy & mandy, AND some actual movies like FIGHT CLUB??? the whiplash I got from reading that)

-sam being rich explains a lot about her, actually.

-I know the moral of the episode was supposed to be 'dont ditch your friends for popular people/spend a lot of money on clothes that arent You to Fit In'. but tbh. it wouldve been easy for danny to have been like 'well, okay, ill come but only if my friends can!' but I get. that hes 14. so. not a lot to say there.

-BOX GHOST IS BACK!!!!! also, danny sitting up and wearing the dress/wig/makeup. umm thats how I dress everyday LMFAO. unironically me. (hate the jokes that boil down to 'haha funney man in dress' tho. but this is a look)

-jazz being protective of her brother once again being like NOOO YOU GUYS BETTER NOT STAKE OUT HIS (actually haunted) LOCKER!! shes aware of how people perceive him and she wants to help :( which is also probably why she told dash to invite him to that party even tho she had no interest in going!! she wants to help him out :(

-gotta say im with tucker on the whole 'should danny use his powers to get back at bullies' debate. 100% yes. let him teach kids to fight back. making dash throw his food at paulina out of the blue? no. but when hes actually about to pick on someone? yeah! for self defense? YEAH! if dash and his friends just threw food at him, I think rather than. idk doing sneaky shit with frogs he couldve just threw it back and not pulled punches if they tried to fight. I kNOOWWW its a kids show so they are like 'if u fight back ur just as bad!! violence bad!!' but. theyre HIS POWERS. WHO CARES.

-like my only gripe is that dash really isnt LEARNING ANYTHING WHEN DANNY GETS BACK AT HIM IN THE MOST PETTY INDIRECT WAYS. whatever they had to add a bully psa episode I guess. I hate it and I hate the way cartoons usually handle it because these methods simply Do Not Work. 'aND YouRE USinG YOur poWErs FOR EVill???!' this is Not Evil. even when poindexter takes dannys body, theyre only being 'nice' bc hes stealing soda for them!! bitches deserve what they get (nothing too brutal bc theyre high schoolers but damn, if they pick on danny he doesnt need to be the 'bigger person' he needs to start biting people)

-SAM TRYING TO SMUGGLE FROGS OUT OF THE BIO LAB?? girl in middle school when we had to dissect frogs we could opt out, also, they came to us already dead and preserved...

-sidney's lingo and the fact hes in black and white is sending me. also, danny is a ghost celebrity apparently for being a halfa?? ok. thats interesting to know

-the DENTIST BEING EXCITED ABOUT THE COTTON CANDY FLOOD IS THE FUNNIEST THING SO FAR.

-I LOOOVE the trope of 'wishes gone wrong'. not crazy about the stereotypical genie, or the use of the dreamcatcher looking design. (also, I KNOW theyre scientists but the way theyre handling a cold...are the fentons ANTIVAX)

-the genie. she. whitewished paulina. JKASDFHKJ. (the ghost literally just being hello kitty???? im dying) 'why do i feel that im special and wonderful? because I AM! <3' paulina ilu self worth queen. felt bad for her also getting possessed by (2) boys later who were arguing INSIDE HER. WTF.

-imagine being the guy trapped in his now flying car. he thought danny and tucker were HALUCINATIONS. imagine being trapped in a flying car with two, what you think are imaginary arguing 14 year olds convinced ur gonna die. i WOULD say this dude is gonna need so much therapy, but he seemed totally fine and excited when they landed (I would be happy too if a chicken was on my head. chickens rule) stoner rights

-sam's bat slippers??? iconic. SO cute.

-I think desiree's backstory is so :( do all ghosts have messed up sad backstories?? poindexter's was sad too...cannot imagine box ghost has any kind of fucked up backstory. but what if. his mom got pushed off cliffs by boxes...........a la cruella... anyway her 'no man may lay a hand on me' iconic. ilu

-I know danny has no concept of how much bras cost but my god dont attack tucker with some girls bra. those are so expensive.

-its really. well its not a GOOD THING he went into the portal and got fucked up, but its good danny was the one to do it rather than sam or tucker. because even tho he was being influenced by desiree and kept getting more malicious and it prob wasnt 100% him...he sucked as a ghost like most the people he 'pranked' were innocent ppl just Chillin and he didnt want to help anyone at all. I think danny is the most responsible out of them but also, hes 14 and shouldnt HAVE to feel obligated to fight every ghost. hes a good kid and wants to, but I also feel like he feels like...responsible for the portal turning on?? because his parents did give it up,, but it was an accident and not his fault (if anything, why was the on switch on the inside. why was it that easy. why was there no safety measures. that seems like smth OSHA needs to hear about). like thats my son. hes a good boy. and hes never done anything wrong in his life, ever. if anyone hurts him im killing everyone in this room and then myself. etc.

-danny's curfew is 10PM????? DUDE. when I was 14...shit I couldn't be out that late, I had to be back at like, 8 at the latest, and my parents had to know exactly where and who I was going with, AND i had to call/text them regularly...is this a case of my parents being overbearing, or the fentons sucking??? the only time i could EVER be out that late was if I was at an overnight sleepover or smth...

-the vultures have lil fezes. why do they have fezes...theyre so fuckin funny 'ask him for directions' 'I KNOW WHERE IM GOING' these ghost vultures are my new grandpas. pick them up, put them in the adopt box.

-'I wonder why those guys were trying to waste dad!' THEYRE GHOSTS. YOUR DAD HUNTS GHOSTS. why is that not a conclusion you'd immediately jump to??

-*jazz voice, clearly disgusted* WISCONSIN???

-mrs fenton with the lab coat and leg warmers and PERM. YESSS STYLISH.

-was going to say 'ew billionaire' @vlad but. super valid he used his powers to assumedly steal and cheat to get that money, thats how all billionaires do it! but ew hes a SIMP. and spending your billions on FOOTBALL STUFF?? you are Not Valid overall. I DO respect the fact you have a castle instead of a mansion. in wisconsin. if youre going to be stupidly rich might as well go all out, torches on the wall and all. I DO like his ghost form's little kitty ears. catman. and his cape! every design can benefit from a cape. and how different his forms look, like danny looks the EXACT SAME IN BOTH FORMS ASIDE FROM COLOR CHANGES. vlad's is like,, I could believe they were different people!! also I love the drama. but dude you are fighting a 14 year old. lame. also he was like, telling danny he wanted his mom and him and like, wanted him to renounce his dad?? WHAT ABOUT JAZZ?? bitch. those r MY kids and they are both important and special. I do agree they need better parents but thats not u sir <3

-I thought vlad's 'little badger' nickname for danny came from the football mascot of the packers, but google says they have NO MASCOT?? so now I'm like?? is it because his hair is sometimes black and sometimes white?? I hate to give him props but thats a PERFECT NICKNAME. theyre also tiny and vicious!

-why did I get so excited that Skulker is back!! its been like. 2-3 eps LMAO. AND THE DAIRY KING. ICONIC I LOVE HIM. hes the nicest guy ever :) more nice ghosts please. danny cannot be fighting alone everytime with no ghost buds like every ghost being hostile sucks :(

-mr. fenton knew vlad was controlling him, but a few episodes ago he had no clue danny was doing the same thing...is it something about how malicious the ghost is?? he just seemed to think his memory had gaps the first time, this time he was INSTANTLY LIKE 'GHOST'. then again in this ep when danny did it again he was just slightly confused but not immediately freaking out like he did with vlad possessing him!!

-'my parents will accept ME NO MATTER WHAT' so. so why haven't you come out to them yet, danny?? if you really think that?? if theres no harm, and you're sure??? if vlad is a real problem, wouldnt that make dealing with him easier, to expose him???? SO WHY HAVENT YOU COME OUT YET?? COULD IT BE,, MAYBE YOU HAVE DOUBTS ABOUT WHETHER YOUR PARENTS ACTUALLY WILL ACCEPT YOU??? 🤔 ... 🏳‍🌈 I get why people say He Is Trans. I totally totally get u danny.

-sorta unrelated, but it just occurred to me in one of these eps they go to casper HIGH not casper middle school??? theyre 14?? dont highschools usually do ages 15-18? (I didnt go to hs so I might be wrong, if I am ignore this...) freshmen are usually 14-15, could just be a case of them not turning 15 yet but they will sometime in the school year (I say they because tucker said he was 14 too)? I know the show has 3 seasons, so by the end of it will they be older? thatd be neat but usually cartoon characters stay the same age...I love shows where you can see the characters age and grow up, though...three seasons seems like a long time to spend on like, 1 year...

#sanchoyorambles #danny phantom #me on the first post: #its not a liveblog! #me this time: it kinda is. but not in the same format as my tmm one #i like doing one post for a handful of eps bc it saves time #and crowds my blog less #and also i just like talking abt what im watching lol #dp thoughts

[irkenheretic]

ok im acting a fool now this has nothing to do with your au at all (i know, big fail and not what u asked) But when u make writings of any kind, given the state of the fandom, do u ever feel like it’s WORTH posting (u can read that however u wanna)

or does it take a lot of convincing internally to get u to do so

(this ended up delving into some pretty dark topics like incest, rape, and ableism so uh just a forewarning so yall arent . blindsided by that)

i ask for Fun AU Content and i get Pain . Suffering, even. youre unvited to my birthday party 😭

but in all seriousness.... i don't.

its like... i put a lot into my fics. even the oneshots already posted, i put a lot into it. and most people dont really.... care much

a lot of people like to claim that this fandom has no hierarchy of "more popular" and "less popular" but the funny thing is, people that say that the most are the popular people. there is a very clear social ladder here where there are people at the top that can do basically whatever and get fawned over, and then theres Everyone Else and they dont get that kind of acclaim.

which, thats not a Bad Thing to observe. this is common in literally every fandom and pretending like we're somehow "above" that is seriously disingenuous- we're not. popular users like i said can do basically whatever and people still love them. its disheartening when "basically whatever" means "put out work i personally dont think is very good." its downright insulting when "basically whatever" means "get away with being a flat-out cunt 'cause people are too scared of you to call you on it."

so its like... is this what im making content for? assholes, and the people that excuse them? why would i want them to read my stuff? for all i know, one day i'm gonna wake up and have my callout strewn about because, and im gonna be honest with yall here: anarchisma has some seriously fucked up plot points. its a dark au. and some of the plot points arent dark, theyre just odd. there's an incestuous couple and its never really made into a Thing theyre just There. its not a Statement on how Incest Is Bad, theyre literally just vibing and thats their Thing and its not seen as a Bad Character Trait to be Fixed And Amended. their main problem is codependency and shoving themselves into the box of "the weird people" at the detriment of their real personalities. at the end of their (background) arc, they resolve both their issues... but they're still in a relationship with each other. most people in this fandom, even the ones that claim they're Not Antis cause they Like The Bad Ship, would at best think this is fucking weird and at worst try to doxx me over it. on the other side of the coin, there's a character that attends a trial for their own childhood rape. and since the trial includes memory playbacks, the worst thing in this guy's life (so far) is being played on The Big Screen. its... im planning for it to be described in-detail, because its supposed to make you uncomfortable. the victim is the pov character in this instance and the inclusion of the detail is supposed to make you, the reader, feel the same bone-deep revulsion and discomfort that they felt watching their own trauma unfold in front of basically their society's equivalent to God. but yk, its commonly accepted that Rape Scene Bad (and yeah there's a good argument for that, gratuitous scenes like that just for the sake of torture porn arent.... good..... but im not gonna get into that here cause thats a more nuanced topic than i feel comfortable tackling on my Invader Zim Tumblr Blog) but the point is like, will the mere inclusion of that scene lead to people hating me? nobody in this fucking fandom has any Reading Comprehension to maybe think about wether the scene is just gratuitous for thee sake of gratuity or if its like.... actually. serving a purpose. hell, am i gonna get angry people in my inbox now, over a scene that isn't even confirmed to be included?

some characters have confirmed mental illnesses; am i gonna get people in the comments explaining to me how An Autistic Character Would Never Do Something Like That or try and excuse the pretty fucking reprehensible actions of certain people because of their autism? would they come after me for making an autistic character immoral? (fun facts: lefy's autistic! hes also one of the most immoral characters in the whole protagonist lineup.... but also, you get why he did what he did. jerkass woobie, remember.) and on the other side, some characters have confirmed ASPD! am i gonna get idiots in my comment section explaining to me that She Can't Be A Sociopath Because She Loves Her Family And Has A Boyfriend? (note for everyone else: i have ASPD.) if i have to have my own disorder condescendingly explained to me in my comments i am GOING to lose my mind

i know this makes it sound like i have a pretty low opinion of this fandom... and i do! kind of? i know there are a lot of smart, talented people here. i admire the work of so many creators and i love seeing certain people in my notes (if you regularly like my original posts, i know your url by heart and i love you)

but no matter how good the good side is, theres always gonna be a bad side. for every fan of my au there's gonna be some dipshit that saw "rapr," didn't read the rest of the tags, gets shocked that the first story is about miscarriage, and tries to take it out on me for writing it in the first place, rather than realizing it was their dumb ass that didn't read the fucking tags.

i have some OC-centric oneshots. they're going to be a part of anarchisma as chapters in a defect-centered anthology. the anthology serves to introduce certain characters or concepts that were too clunky to introduce anywhere else in the text. i have "the worst job in the empire," which i've showed to a lot of people, and they all liked it. i have the "little green candies" fic, which im pretty sure im infamous for among my friends cause its freaked out everyone i showed it to. i have two other fics i think are really good

sometimes i think about posting them.

and then i remember nobody really cares about ocs unless theres art attached. a lot of art, and only if its past a certain threshold of "quality." if i post that stuff to the wider public and nobody cares i'm gonna be really upset, honestly. itd kill my motivation, and id rather live in a fantasy where my au is popular, than post au content and realize that it probably never will be.

#theres a lot to be said about how fandom in general #treats artists as bottomless Content Machines #and writers as basically invisible unless they either #a) learn art and learn it WELL #b) partner with an artist #or c) gets really insanely crazily lucky #both artists and writers suffer in The Fandom Hierarchy #the only way not to suffer is to be famous #and i can say from experience: itll open the door to a whole NEW kind of suffering #to the point where its deebateable if its worth it if ur famout but not 'undisputed fandom god' famous #ANYWAY this went pLACES imma take a break b4 doing the next asks aaaAAAAaaAA #now calling the tallest

[benreyplush]

ok so

benny is some sort of benrey clone after some weird shit happened when benrey was defeated and made his way back into gordon’s games like payday 2.

he somehow got into terraria and has no memory of black mesa or who he was even based off of. he barely remembers his name and all it came out to him was “benny”

he’s also freakishly tall

when jack (the world’s guide) found him, he was very quiet and seemingly apathetic about his surroundings. didn’t really talk much and jack thought he was an enigma for a while. he did his usual and helped him begin his life there.

but then benny started doing some weird shit that jack wasnt prepared for. enemies couldn’t hurt him. he could freeze time. destroy and create items indefinitely. he has no idea what benny is and the order of the guide never talked about anything like this so obviously he’s very freaked out at first

slowly benny starts remembering some of his old personality and would say things that make 0 sense to jack. jack doesn’t know what “poggers” means.

eventually benny remembers a lot of it and actually feels kinda sad. like he feels like he has to be this “benrey” but he doesnt want to be. hes different.

and jack tells him he’s not benrey. he became his own thing and that was good! and he doesnt have to be like him. benny was very relieved by this and sorta became his own thing. like he was still like benrey but less of an asshole and really just goofed around. he still found himself harassing the new npcs that move in but he never harasses jack. he likes jack.

jack says he wont call him benrey. to him, he’s benny. and benny really appreciates it.

jack always wondered what benny meant by “self aware” when he talked about his memories. benny talked about the “npc ai just getting a mind of their own” and said when he joined this new world, it must have turned everyone in terraria self aware like in half life. so thats cool.

eventually jack like. realizes he might have a lil crush on benny and feels bad about it. because he knows his fate is to be sacrificed in the end and he doesnt wanna grow too close to benny.

but inevitably they end up together and jack is starting to question if he needs to die. like originally he came to terms with it a long time ago but now he’s actually reconsidering??? wow! they have at least one argument when jack actually sits him down and explains the wall of flesh thing.

at some point jack convinces benny to take him on an adventure and they end up in the underworld. jack’s plan was to go through with the sacrifice and almost succeeded but benny grabbed him and told him not to do that again. and jack was like “you have to let me do this” and benny was like “no dude i love u” and then they kissed and it was like. the first time either of them have kissed anyone ever but it was still nice.

and jack is like “ok actually i want to live with you forever lets go home” but a demon appears when they arent paying attention and attacks them and jack gets knocked into the lava and the wall of flesh is summoned. and benny is devastated. 

when thats over a new guide shows up but benny wants nothing to do with him bc he is not jack. and benny is mad at himself bc he can freeze time, control enemy spawn rates n shit but he cant bring ppl back to life and he feels worthless about it

so the rest of the story is about benny having to move on and accept his death :(

so its a sad story 

but here’s some nice things

benny knows the sweet voice still and uses it on jack all the time. it was confusing to them both when he did it the first time. eventually jack gets used to it and actually really likes it. 

jack is supposed to be the helpful npc so he usually keeps himself together but as he grows closer to benny his emotions start coming out more and whenever he’s stressed he can just look at benny and say “sweet voice pls” and benny calms him down with it. benny also uses it to get jack to sleep (”blue and red means its time for bed :)” ) because normally he shouldnt have to but being self aware is tiring.

oh also whenever jack gets burns from the voodoo dolls in the underworld, benny heals them with the sweet voice healing beam :). benny has no idea how he keeps getting burned and eventually just assumes its bc of the furnace and is like “bro stop shoving ur hands in the furnace lol” and jack cant bring himself to tell him the truth so he just goes with it.

benny was the first to confess and he did it by serenading jack with the worst guitar playing that jack has ever heard <3 but it still made him smile. i know he really had to think about it before accepting it bc wall of flesh, can’t get too close, blah blah blah.

plus idk how relationships work in the order of the guide. he probably really didnt expect to get into a relationship and the new guide that comes along probably found it super strange.

anyway this is a lot of text wow im gonna just add on to the post as i think of shit but if u read all of this i am in love with u

EDIT: I FOUND A WAY TO MAKE A HAPPY ENDING

after defeating the moon lord, either the order of the guide or maybe even the spirits of terraria herself brings jack back because benny deserves that after saving all of them.

so benny notices the new guide is gone and was like “weird but whatever” and then he hears someone call out to him. he’s like “ugh what” and turns and its jack and he like. drops his weapon in his hand in shock and takes his eye mask and helmet off to see him properly. like he isnt sure if he’s dreaming or not.

and then he runs to him and grabs him and he’s real holy fuck. so he’s overjoyed and both of them fucking cry (first time jack actually sees ben cry ever!!!) and they kiss n shit and its incredible the end. since the world has been saved, the two live a more domestic life and benny is like “we’re never going to the underworld again ever and also im going to be around u a lot bc i missed u so much and i cant lose u again” so he’s extra clingy but jack is so happy to be back with him that he doesnt care!!!!!

also funny fact but the mechanic was the first npc to move in with them and (i think her name was shayna in my world. will change it if not) was overly annoyed at their constant sappiness before jack was killed. ben was extra affectionate to jack around her bc he likes annoying ppl (except for jack). but when jack comes back from the dead, she still acts annoyed but she’s actually relieved to see benny happy again.

#benny the hero #jack the guide #benguide #im gonna go play terraria now :) #text heavy #holy shit this is so much info

[mare-sanguis]

Monty x Winston part 9

"Lets go home now. The weathers going crazy- well fitted for our mood at the moment.

Scott said, opening his umbrella.

They walked down the street, silence following them.

"You know..." Scott said, glancing a look at him.

"No wonder he was so into you and wanted you near him."

"What do you mean?"

"Well- you're well spoken, friendly... very loyal, dont joke around when its serious. You're handsome.

Winston raised an eyebrow.

"Are you trying to hit me up?"

"What?" Scott said, laughing.

"No. I'm not into guys" he said, whispering a silent "at least I think so?"

"I was just stating a fact. Monty was totally into feminin, soft boys I guess- now thinking of it... I think he had a small crush on Alex, was into Bryce too, though he wasnt feminin guy obviously but he was the first one who "cared" about him, maybe a crush too. And he was interested in Tyler. Not crush like, but in a different way. Maybe because of his photography skills.

Winston stopped his steps, looked back at him.

"Oh...." Scott said awkwardly.

"I'm so fucking sorry- shit. I just couldnt shut up." He sighed.

"Its fine. Really. You're pretty good at observing. How long did you were aware of him and his interests?"

Scott stared at the pavement for some seconds.

"... Since I transferred to Liberty. I got to know him beforehand for some brief moments but after the transfer even more. And with his stupid insults and jokes he basically confirmed it without confirming it out loud."

"How'd you know him before?"

"Through a friend."

"A friend?"

"Ya. This friend was a really good friend of Clay and played in our baseball team. Anyway... Monty beat you up right?"

"Hmh."

"Why'd you forgive him?"

"I dealt with many people like him in my life. I'm used to it. I forgave him because I knew what was going on as soon as he started it all. Thats also why I denied knowing him. I'm open about my interests- some people still make fun of it - but realised that he wasnt, and not ready yet. I didnt want him to run into a blank knife."

"You're such a good guy- wished he would've meet you before..."

"Sadly I was to late."

"Maybe...."

They walked towards the crossroad.

"Guess we have to take serapate ways here."

Winston said.

"Right. Call me if you need something." Scott said, taking the way left.

"See you."

Winston still held his umbrella in his hands.

Guess he had to give it him back tomorrow.

________

Next day, Sunday: 9am.

Winston woke up with a bad headache. His parents were away again- so he was all alone at home. It reminded him at the time Monty visited him.

He should prepare himself for the police station.

He couldnt give up right now because of some annoying sickness. He needed to do it- for Monty.

Looking at the clock it was still to early. Their appointment was around 1:30pm. He sighed and closed his eyes again. Decided to stay in bed until 11pm. Maybe hes body would be better at that point. Maybe hes just going crazy after these two days and the other 2.

"Yeah. That must be it." He whispered to himself and fell back to sleep again.

When he woke up it was shortly around after 11pm. Time to get dressed. His body still was doing some crazy shit but Winston decided to ignore it for today, grabbing some plain clothes- after that, his car keys.

He arrived in town at 12pm, still some tome until they'll talk about the evidence a 2nd and hopefully last time.

Winston was tired and his forehead glowing. To much stress.

He parked his car at a parking lot near the station, spotting Scott already standing in front of it- looking a bit distressed and like he was there for some time already.

Winston stopped the engine and stepped out of the car, walking fast towards him.

"Already there?" He said, putting away his car keys.

"I could say the same about you, Winston."

"How long are you here already?"

"Ah just... some minutes."

Winston nooded, feeling that something was bothering him.

"Whats wrong?"

"Nothing- why'd you ask?"

"Not to be the creep this time but I could see you through my car window and you seemed pretty zoned-out. You dont look so good."

"Same goes for you dont you think? With this dark hair and this almost white skin at the moment you look like someone whos dead."

"Just had a rough night."

"Guess we share a lot. I kept remembering something after our talk."

Winston slightly tiled his head.

"Whats it about?"

"Nothing very important- about a friend."

"The friend so introduced you to Monty?"

"You could say that yes." he looked at his watch. "Lets grab a coffee- we still have some time left, maybe we can talk how to convince this cop to believe us. Even though he lets us care for his funeral it doesnt sound like hes believing us- sadly."

"Even with the evidence?"

"Even with that."

They were about to walk to the cafe as they saw Clay and his friends walking in their direction.

"Shit. They gonna see us together" Scott said, worried.

"They told each other about what you did- I told you. I dont wanna hear them saying shit."

"If they see us- and they will- we just tell half of the truth. Try acting like you arent involved."

He nooded at Winstons words.

Clay raised his hands to wave at Scott bit stopped after seeing who was with him. His smiled faded, like the smiles on the other faces.

"What are you doing here? With Winston?"

"We just met by accident."

That wasnt the truth- not even half of it.

Alex looked back and forth between Scott and Winston.

"Why are you with him? After all he did?"

"I dont know what you're talking about? If you mean the paybacks and visits- non of my business. I'm not even on of your friends so I can do what ever I like."

"Are you working with him?"

"No. Working with him about what? Why do you care? You dont like me."

"If you're working with him I would have another good reason to not liking you."

Winston sighed.

"I didnt want to cause any trouble with my visits. If I intimidated anyone of you- I'm sorry."

"Yeah? Are you really sorry? Then why did you gave Charlie something like this?"

Winston stared at Alex for some seconds.

"Not your place to know. He should know by now."

"Liar"

Scott scoffed.

"Yeah? A liar like you?"

Alex breathed out heavily, ready to beat a bitch.

"Now now" Zach interfered, holding back Alex. "Lets just cut it right here." He grabbed his arm and pulled him away.

"Sorry." Justin sighed. "Hes in a pretty bad mood lately."

Winston smiled softly.

"Its all right- we all are stressed."

They said their goodbyes and entered the cafe where they ordered their coffee.

"Scott?"

He turned around as he heard his name, spoken out by a familiar voice.

And there she stood.

Sheri Holland.

"Wasnt expecting to see you around here? When did we last saw each other? 8 month ago? Before you left school to take a break?"

He just nooded.

"Whats wrong? Saw a ghost?"

"No... I just wasnt expecting seeing you here too- after all, Monets y'all favorite spot."

"You know... was getting tired of this place after last year. To many bad memories."

"Right..."

"Soo... see you're having a date? With a guy?"

Scott blinked in confusion and Sheri laughed.

"That was a joke." She poked his shoulder.

"Anyway- now you're here... can I talk to you? Dont know if you want to involve your friend in it"

"Whats it about?"

"School. Bryce. Tyler. Monty."

"Oh... its ok. He knows anyway. Hes kinda involed in it to."

"He is? Why?"

"To much to tell you now- we should talk about it sometime else. We're kinda in a hurry, have to leave at 1:15pm."

"So whats your name?" She turned her gaze to Winston.

"Winston."

"Mine's Sheri. We know each other from school. We hadnt the best time back there then. How do you know Scott?"

"Through the whole Bryce murder case." Winston said. Quickly, not to spill more informations.

Sheri sighed as they sat down at a table.

"Pretty fucked up about Bryce death. And what happened to Tyler. And to Monty. I knew he was messed up in the head- but first to assault someone... and then to kill Bryce- allegedly. That wasnt expected at all. Sad that he died in prison. I mean... no one deserves to die in such a place, not in this circumstances."

Scott glanced over to Winston who looked a bit to serious, then looked back to her.

"Do you believe he killed Bryce? I mean ignore the "evidence"."

"If I have to be real- no. I dont think he did it but got framed. You know how easy it is to frame a dead guy. They cant defemd themselve."

"Why do you think someone framed him?" Winston said, with a dark tone in it.

"I really dont know. But Monty saw Bryce as a friend, was loyal to him. I dont see someone like him killing Bryce. Monty was cruel- but not like this."

"Right." Hearing someone else to agree made Winston very ... happy.

"He was a broken soul. He needed help. And nobody saw it. The last time I saw him was at the homecoming game. He had something in his eyes that made him look like he... changed? I dont know."

Winston knew it was because of him, he then whispered a "He indeed was a broken soul. He was sad and lonely." but Sheri heard it anyway.

"How come you know Monty?"

"Thats a secret."

"A secret- must be something very serious?"

He nooded.

"You know what he did to Tyler right?"

He nooded a second time.

"But he was about to pay for it. There was no need for him to die or get framed."

Sheri had a soft smile on her face.

"I remember seeing you on the field at the homecoming game. You took photos- of Monty."

Winston looked away.

"Guess we all three lost someone who meant much to us."

Winston glanced a look at Scott who was sitting next to him in silence- looking straight at his coffee to go.

"Hey Scott?"

He got dragged out of his stare by Sheris voice.

"You have time to visit Jeff in the next days?"

His grab around the coffee cup tightened.

"Maybe." He stood up and grabbed Winstons arm.

"We should go now."

#monty de la cruz #winston williams #13rw #13 reasons why #13 reasons why sesson 3 #13rw s3 #13rw season 3 #one shot #fanfic #fanfiction #scott reed #sheri holland

[the-empress-of-nothing]

The full story

(Heya all! This is litteraly the full story of Maeddrona up till the point im rping her, I just kinda took this moment to word vomit everything I made for this character, she’s been developing in my mind for about six months, So, yeah. OOC super Long post under the break!)

Maeddrona is a literal incarnation of the void, previously I mentioned it being old, but the void is old and a God actually looked around as the universe got more and more busy and full- It just kinda.. stopped. Once humans became a thing it looked at mortal life and envied humans for achieving so much with so little time, it looked at the smaller picture of happiness humans could carve for themselves amidst a bloody history. So it just kinda, gave up it’s greater power and sentience, it’s essence possessing humans every once in a while.

These humans would usually barely live passed the age of 15, their lives being ended by some odd coincidence one way or another. It seemed as if dark reality had no place for hope and optimism. There was one that lived to be older, in about the 2nd Millennium *cough*  but she was murdered but someone very close to her.

Now, Maeddrona was growing up on her planet of Fortuna a little bit before Emps has started his rise on Terra. She reaches about age 35 and is the first Void-Born to awaken to her powers.

The entire planet is wiped clean of animal life and the planet itself is shrouded in an odd bubble-ish thing of space so warped you can look at it and see the stars behind you. This is only an illusion, and a result of the explosive amount of power awakening her, but she is left alone on this planet and with the isolation of the Age of Strife, no-one’s gonna show up. (if someone did show up, it would look almost like a black hole might be there, and they’d turn right the fuck around, because whatever that is, we’re not fucking with it)

So Maeddrona, now awakened to her void powers, realizes she... can make things happen by thinking about them on the Planet. Nothing big or overly huge- but time seems to have stood still since she gained her powers, but if she focuses on a plant growing and producing fruit, that’s what that one plant will do until she stops thinking about it. So she can at least survive- just, things are... wrong here. She also begins to have dreams, memories of each past life. Not movie-style, i mean boring, day by day, feels like real time dreams until she wakes up. It it does feel like she is this person, not like she’s watching from outside. She doesn't quite understand what these dreams mean. but she begins to write them all down in a journal.

Though, with Maeddrona being void, have discovering she can utilize a pocket dimension of just empty space, and that putting anything besides herself in there will slowly desolve it. A being with power like this and also who just caused an entire planets worth of population to die would be very interesting to atleast one God i can think of...

So Tzeentch enters her head, uninvited, occasionally, and tries to find out what the fresh funky fuck is happening in THIS corner of the galaxy! Maeddrona is convinced she’s going crazy and the eldritched fuck is all for it. Eventually Maeddrona says something like “prove to me you’re a god of knowledge and not my mind going mad, give me the knowledge I need to escape this fucking planet.” So she stands there, waiting for her mind to suddenly ascend with understanding and learning.

Then a book drops to the ground next to her.

Then another.

Then it starts RAINING BOOKS and she just runs to hide in a building, Fully believing a god was in her head now.

So, now, she starts reading and begins making a ship. It takes her the better part of  50 years (when she awoke to the void her body stopped aging, but more as a “she is nothing, neither alive nor dead” kinda thing) with non-stop work and learning and failures and dedication to get SOMETHING functional. (Thankfully she has an entire worlds worth of resources all to herself) Then she starts fucking with how to FTL travel- because she doesn't have a warp drive. She couldn’t actually make one- so she fucks around with the void, and finds she can travel trough the void while going through the warp as a bit of a substitute. (Its similar to how the Tau FTL travel) So she ends up getting to another planet! But she enters in so close to the planet that she kinda crashes. not far from her crash she finds a few dying people- she (correctly) assumes this might be her fault and tries to fix it, attempting to do something with her powers to save them. She saved one. She makes the first Void-Touched. The void changes her hair, and it tells her a name that she likes far better than her own, and is so grateful to Maeddrona that she wants to follow her when she leaves. Maeddrona isnt alone anymore

(at this point I should mention I take a lot of things from Warframe- specifically names, weapons, frames and abilities. I just love it so much!! but that’s all I really take.)

So for the next long while Maeddrona flies about space, making another deal with Tzeentch to get dreams from people dying that are compatible with the void (she doesn’t question how he knows who is and who isnt, he’s a God *shrugs*) and gets about 30 people in her little family. Occasionally they run back to her Fortuna because it’s their planet now and no-one else knows its there. (Yes, i have all of these as OCs, i know all their plots and stories;;;;)

Then one dream leads her to Terra, where a small boy is dying. Foolishly, she goes. She has much better control over her powers now, masking the ship with the same warped gravity look to try and mask their presence as they go to the biggest hornet nest in the galaxy.

And she is not surprised when the warmongering ruler of the planet does interrupt her in the middle of saving a child. He questions her, and she answers honestly. But her soul just feels... wrong. off. like it’s not there, but obviously something is!

She smiles, and offers her greetings. She does not prostrate herself before him, does not whisper rumors and legends and feats of his beings.

She smiles and patiently waits for him to respond. through their conversations an interest grows. Both are old souls and both hold immeasurable power.

And both consider themselves human.

When she says she is void, he asks if she is Chaos, ready to destroy her if needed. She gags. As by now she knows the intentions of the voice in her head, He and the 3 others have stolen a few of her Void-touched. “I am no God.” would come her reply, Honest.

He would then decide, though not entirely honest, she is no threat, And that these powers she speaks of are interesting, He asks if she would mind being studied,

of course she says yes

the fool she is

Eventually a relationship does form, and while their views are fairly different on many topics (read: most if not all) they balance each other out when they are willing to listen to one another, as both are incredibly hard headed and stubborn. He lets her in on the Primarch project, wanting her insight on raising children as she has been motherly to most if not all her Void-touched.

And he even offers they should make a child from her genetics, to raise along with the Primarchs. She will be human- or Void-born as Maeddrona would call her. But she loves the idea.

Then, tensions rise a bit. the primarchs are still being developed, but Emps wishes to increase the reach of his Imperium a bit as well. there is a system he wishes to acquire- and Maeddrona offers her and her children to do so instead, they can get there faster and her children are very effective with their abilities and such. But he refuses.

This is not the first time this has happened, she thinks he is afraid of the Void, afraid that it is too similar to chaos to be fully trusted on battle. And then, Tzeentch speaks to her once more, agreeing with her, She’s right! Of course she’s right! She should just get there first and do it before he arrives anyway. Show him he’s wrong, give him undeniable proof.

So she does. And... the conversation she has with the Emperor is less than pleasant, It is long distance, but he has been aware of Tzeentch talking to her for some time, he was growing worried that she wouldn’t shoo him away and would sometimes humor his asinine conversations. But now

Now she’s starting to listen to Tzeentch.

He tells her they will have a talk when he arrives, and plans to give an ultimatum as she is so close to falling and she doesn’t even know it. While waiting for Emps to arrive Maeddrona makes a discovery that she is pregnant, this being incredibly exciting news as she believed the void made her infertile.

When Emps finally arrives and she is sent for, and he feels something is wrong. When he sees the presence of two souls, though masked and hard to make out from the void, his mind is not on pregnancy, it is on her fall. He assumes she has allowed Tzeentch to at least semi-possess her and makes a decision, he grimly faces her smiling self and names her an enemy of the Imperium.

At first she is stunned into immobility- but then he begins approaching her, and she flees. She uses the void to go back to her ship and tells all her family that the Emperor is going to kill all of them- So she uses her power and uses escape pods to put them all in Void-stasis (it’s like a Schrodinger's box really, while it’s closed, whatever’s inside of it does and does not exist at the same time until someone opens it and everything exists again. So, they arent even sleeping, just not existing.) and sends them out, one by one, because she doesn’t understand and thinks he’s here to slaughter them because of the void.

She then send out two pieces of equipment, a head accessory known as the “Halo of the void”, and her giant two handed long sword, the “Blade of void.” She then separates her soul into three pieces among herself and these things, using her emotions  as separation points.  Her confusion and shock go into the Halo, her anger and feelings of betrayal go into her sword, leaving her with her fear. Her incomparable fear. She sends these two pieces out into their own pods

And the Emperor boards her ship. It is quiet, eerie as he walks. It is not a warship. This is their home. This is where they lived, had comforts and hobbies. The walls are lined with pictures and drawings, many areas are made to be comfortable lounging areas, doors are stuck open from the commotion, leading windows into shared rooms of her children.

This was their home. And he must walk through it to get to where Maeddrona is hiding. And when he does she is a mess, curled up on the ground and sobbing uncontrollably. It’s too late for words as she approaches her, but he stops. He cares for her enough to want a near painless death for her- but curled up like this she has made it impossible, so he contemplates how to go about this,

His pause gives her hope, and she uncurls for a moment, bleary eyes looking up at him,

And she says his name. She says his name. She knows his name yes of course she knows his name. Spoken with hushed voice only to him in their moments of privacy and passion.

Now said breathlessly

As his sword is already plunged through her.

As this happens, Limbo, the first Void-touched Maeddrona ever made, enters, trying to save Maeddrona and escape together. And she screams. Rushing to her mother’s side, crying, bawling, and screaming at the Emperor.

He leaves, he does not need to kill her child- then she screams about what Maeddrona was going to tell Him.

About her pregnancy.

And he does stop in his tracks at that, the truth of the second soul’s presence now dawning on him. But he only stops for a moment before continuing back, through the halls of a ruined home, with his mistake and his mistake alone.

He then returns to Terra to find the Primarchs scattered.

And that’s where this story turns, The Emperor basically dies with the Heresy, his soul shattered. Then one small part, one tiny bit, that loved Maeddrona, that never stopped loving Maeddrona, finds her small soul in the warp. As the void is like permanent marker- you can never really get it off once it’s on something. So he finds her, attaches his soul to hers and uses what of his power he can to give her a stable body in the warp.

And that is the Maeddrona I have as my muse :)

#void plot

[extradimensionalsystem]

hey new (old?) alter here. in retrospect, realizing that what i have is DID makes a lot of sense. this is probably the first time i’ve been on social media in a good few years lmao

#nothing like waking up years later and being told #'oh hey so you actually ARE this person whose body you inhabit. the memories of your life arent real.' #like what am i supposed to do with that? #i figure im supposed to be like 'oh shit my bad my life wasnt real! i Have Seen The Light And I Am In Touch With Reality' #but nothing's really gonna convince me that my memories arent real #anyways for now im gonna just keep living my Denial Bubble where i never ruined my own life and ended up in someone else's #how do i even sign off...???? #a.txt #is all youre getting for now. until i figure out how much i want to be open about

[queernuck]

i have no fucking life

like, i wake up, i go to TMS, i sit in that chair getting magnetic pulses run through my brain for ~20 min, and then i go home. right now, im gonna go shower so i can go to work, work eight hours, get home after 11 (and also likely after almost all if not all of the hockey game, mind you!) and then go to sleep. part of why i have no real romantic prospects is because like, irl? i just dont have friends. i have coworkers, and theyre not bad, but theyre specifically relating to me as that, as COWORKERS. meanwhile, i cannot even begin to say how grateful i was to see my friend over memorial day weekend, and i would also consider my current plug a good friend but like...the former i saw for less than two hours and the latter for about five minutes in passing. i helped a good friend at work recently but also like, thats it, i havent seen her in forever. 

like, my parents vocally and openly distrust me, and do so in a way that is demeaning, is embarrassing, is specifically meant to make me feel lesser, to make me feel as if I am not worth good, not worth attention, not worth the investment they put into me. again, while i havent had the cost of TMS held over me directly recently, it is absolutely something they want to invoke, something they see as part of what i “owe” them, and of course, as a result of that

i still have no say over where my paycheck goes

like, next week is going to be kinda tough just because my mom is going to be home or like, “around” the entire time thanks to being on vacation. that means that she AND my sister will be around at ALL TIMES, with the exception of going out to walk the dog, so on.

yes, i indeed will admit that I got a vacation of sorts when we were cutting hours, and I had a long stretch of days off. but here’s the thing, about that? since i wasnt working, i had nothing i could really do. no way to get money, nowhere i was able to go past the Dunkin Donuts down the street, and most of all, even then the pitiful paycheck I eventually did recieve that week was taken anyway.

im going to affirm it again in a moment but as my parents tell me, they suspect that if i were to be given money, i would spend it on drugs. and well, realtively speaking, they arent even terribly wrong. however, given the chance, the taking of some of what i have for food, bills, whatever is understandable, and that constituting rent should frankly almost certainly still leave me with something. which then, indeed, i would spend on drugs. like, i want to make it clear: i am admitting that they are indeed right, that i enjoy using drugs and that if i were able to freely spend the money i earn at work, i would spend money on drugs. but that isnt the issue here. the issue is that i am incredibly lonely, incredibly depressed, and most of all, incredibly alienated and it is very nice, very fun, and sometimes very easy to fix those things temporarily with drugs. just being able to get out of the house, drop acid and smoke weed in the park, do lines of coke in the bathroom at a sports bar, find cute guys and smoke tina with them, just hang out at home snorting H and popping bars, there really isnt much of anything wrong with that! like, i want a pack of newports, a bunch of bars, and a bundle! or like, a gram or two of coke or tina. and some tabs, maybe shrooms later in the summer too even!!

it may not be legal but like, ethically? all considered? i really dont feel as if that should be understood as being as big of a deal as they make it. my parents look at it through the lens of not just the death of my cousin (which is something that impacts me too, something that I also feel on a regular basis!!) as a tragedy but the way that they prioritize themselves, their own self-interest, over hypothetical situations. How they have no sense of what it is like to be in my position. how they look down at me and moreover do so openly. It fucking sucks, it hurts, it makes me feel awful about myself and i am almost entirely convinced that it is on purpose, it is specifically in order to make me feel lesser.

and thanks to that, thanks to the utterly depressing and disempowering, demeaning, dehumanizing circumstances i face every day, i am in a place where the two people i spend the most time with are both reactionary, both intent on mapping their reactionary ideals onto me, my body, my life.

and so, i can only react by not having one at all.