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#but prison reid made me anxious
letstevengrantsleep · 10 months
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Speak Your Truth
Spencer Reid x f!feader
Summary: Spencer has just got out of prison, and you see him for the first time in months
Word count: 699
Warnings: fluff, implication of sexual activity if you squint
a/n: I've been watching a ridiculous amount of criminal minds recently and holy mother of god this man has had me in a choke hold
masterlist
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"He's out?" You almost sob, stumbling back into your chair beside Garcia.
"This morning. He's on his way home right now, should be at his apartment soon." Penelope held out her hands for you to take,
"Oh my god... Garcia I - I don't know what to do, I-"
"Honey, if you don't get in your car right now and go see him, I'll never forgive you."
-
"Spence!" You scream, running like your life depends on it down drab corridors, hoping to catch up with Spencer and the arresting officers before they take him away.
There's nothing you can do as you reach him but try your best to take in every detail of his face, his figure, everything about him as if it's the last time you'll ever see him again.
"Spencer... I don't know what to do, what can I do?"
"You're okay, I'm okay. Make sure my mum's safe, yeah? Can you do that for me?"
Nodding, tears forming in the corers of your eyes, "yeah Spence I can do that."
There's something left unsaid between the two of you, and the officers either side of Reid are beginning to get impatient. As they begin to pull him away from you, the fear of losing him hits you like a tidal wave.
"Spence, I-"
He shakes his head knowingly, "tell me when I get out, okay?"
-
There's two things stopping you from breaking down in tears as you reach Spencer's apartment door: the loving face of his elderly neighbour passing you in the hall, and the knowledge that everything can begin to get back to normality once you see his face again.
After knocking on his door you stand shifting your weight on your feet, anxious to see the state that Spence has been left in whilst in prison. It's only a few more seconds before he opens it, immediately securing your gaze as he lets out a content sigh, pulling you into a bone crushing hug.
"I missed you." Is all he says as he steps back into his apartment, pulling you with him as his grip on you doesn't give.
"Oh Spence, you have no idea. We fought so hard for you, I-" you pull away to look him in the eye, hands gripping at the lapel of his jacket. No words follow, just silence as you stare at each other, the unsaid hanging heavy in the air.
"I know, I know..." his hands reach up to your face, tucking stray hair behind your ears, "me too."
Closing your eyes, you allow yourself to get lost in the feeling of having him back, as though nothing had ever taken him away in the first place.
Your eyes shoot back open in surprise as you feel his lips on your forehead, "Spencer..."
"I'm sorry, I just-"
You cut him off by pulling him down and crashing your lips into his, trying hard to pour every ounce of emotion you feel towards him into this one kiss, hoping it'll be enough for him to understand.
Spencer responds by wrapping his arms tight around your figure, whimpering into the kiss as it deepens.
Nothing could have prepared you for how reactive Spencer is, how he sighs at your touch and tries to pull you impossibly closer into him when you run your hands over his chest. The way he runs his hand up to gently tug at the hair at the base of your head...
It's over all too quick as he pulls away, mouth open, eyes searching your face.
"While I was in prison, I had a lot of time to think... about the things I wish I'd done, the things I could be doing..." he trails off, looking you up and down. "I can't keep pretending that we're not made for each other, baby, I can't keep pretending that I don't want you. In every way I can, any way you'll let me."
"Have me." You say, throwing caution to the wind and acting on every instinct you've got. "I'm yours, Spence."
"Oh baby," he whispers, dragging a thumb over your lips as he leans in, "I'll be so good, I promise, so good for you."
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weirdmorefics · 5 months
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Unmasked Chpt 1- The Call
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Word Count- 1,461
Morning came slowly I stayed up most of the night with nightmares. The nightmares are usually worse this time of year, I think it is my mind's way of reminding me of the anniversary of the first Ghostface murders. My brain is wrong though I need no reminder. The only thing keeping me at all sane during the night is the fact that Spencer is not lecturing today and I will get to see him in the morning at work.
I walk into the BAU with a box of donuts for the team since we are all stuck doing boring paperwork today.
"Morning kid, you look like shit. Long night?" Rossi says full of humor.
I roll my eyes and open the box of donuts, "Hey, don't bite the hand that feeds you."
Rossi puts his hands up in surrender then grabs a donut, "Thanks, kid."
As he walks away I shout "Could you stop calling me kid too because that would be great!"
I set the donuts down in the breakroom and picked out one of Spencer's favorites to set on his desk.
I approach Spencer's desk and set the napkin-wrapped donut down on his desk. "Morning Reid,"
"Thank you, Y/n morning to you too. Did you know Americans consume ten billion donuts every year?"
I smile "Well let's make that ten billion and one." My phone cuts off the conversation and I see my sister's contact photo, "Excuse me I have to take this..." I hope he didn't notice my face shift to an anxious one.
Sidney never calls only texts and she still barely does that. She thinks I am an idiot for chasing after the crazy people who kill when enough killers already come after us.
"Do not come to Woodsboro," Sidney states in a serious tone as soon as I pick up my cell.
"Wow, what a lovely way to begin a call! No, hey sis how are you?" I bite back sarcastically.
"Did you hear me Y/n? Do not come to Woodsboro!" She repeats.
" I wasn't planning on going to that hell town anytime soon. What's going on with you? Shouldn't you be busy with your book tour or something?" I respond trying not to sound concerned.
"He's back Y/n," she whines out.
I swallow deeply and walk away from the desks and towards Penelope's office she is never here this early anyway. "This isn't funny Sidney."
"I am in Woodsboro and my rental car has a murder weapon in it and ripped-up pictures of my face and yours. Oh and did I forget to mention two kids were murdered in the same exact way as the original ones... so yeah I'd say he's back." She responds quickly in an angry panic.
I slam open Penelope's door and proceed to vomit my guts out in her trash can. I hear the wheels of her chair squeak as Penelope looks at me with concern as I dry heave in her trashcan. I definitely should have checked if anyone was in here first.
"Sweetheart, are you okay?" Penelope asks softly.
"Sidney, I got to let you go," I breathe out and hang up on her.
I wipe the sweat off my forehead. Why does no one ever mention how exhausting dry heaving is?
"I'm fine Garcia," I try to sound detached. I can't be here. One thing that makes the Ghostface all the same is they want to kill the Prescotts and everyone they love.
"You really don't look fine," she says full of concern.
I try to exit without a word but Penelope is quick to follow to make sure I am okay. It must be an odd scene as Penelope chases me and I speed walk away. Especially since we are always attached at the hip.
I ignore everyone's gaze and walk into Prentiss's office without a word.
Prentiss was doing paperwork of her own and did not even look up, " I need a leave of absence as soon as possible... preferably today"
That statement made her head quickly whip away from her mess of papers, "This is awfully unlike you Y/n... has something happened."
The stress of the anniversary, Ghostface, and the worry of losing Spencer Reid after we just got him back from prison seem to boil all over at once. "I JUST NEED A LEAVE OF ABSENCE IS THAT SO HARD TO DO EMILY!" I shout so loud and instantly regret as I see all my team members' eyes on me from Emily's office window.
"I am sorry Prentiss," I put my hand to my forehead fighting back the anger and fear-induced tears. I have seen so many murders I should be used to it at this point but Ghostface will always be different he always comes back as someone new.
Emily stands up shutting the blinds to her office to halt the onlookers. "L/N you need to tell me what this is about, right now! I have never once seen you act like this."
I pace back and forth the last name I made up did nothing to protect me I will always be a Prescott. I just need to get out of here before they find that out. I take a deep breath, "I am really sorry I can't, I just can't tell you. It will just get you hurt. It will get the whole team hurt and I can't do that! Spencer just got back, Scratch is gone, and the team is almost back to normal I will not ruin it. I am going to leave either way I just needed you to know."
I turn to leave but Emily grabs my arm, "Agent, if you are in danger I need to know. One more thing you also seem to be forgetting is this team won't be normal without you."
A knock follows her statement, "Is everything okay? Garcia told me Y/n was sick. Does she need a drive home?" It's Spencer's voice I can tell immediately. The question makes this even harder. Why must he be so kind? Why can't I stand to leave him?"
Emily's gaze meets mine, "I recognize that look."
"Prentiss I don't have time for your profile," I whisper shout to prevent Spencer from hearing me.
"I know all too well what it's like to be undercover Y/n," Emily states compassionately.
"I have no idea what you mean?"
"Your file is suspiciously blank and sealed of all past background and Strauss assured me it's for the better. It is similar to what my file used to look like." Emily unfortunately continues to profile me.
I feel trapped I can't go to the door Spencer is there and there is no escaping Emily's questions.
Spencer proceeds to knock again, "Everything alright in there?"
I sigh, "Emily I will tell you everything if you leave the team out of this."
"Y/n you know I can't promise that," she frowns.
I grab her hands tightly, "You have to because I know how to deal with this but every time he comes back someone around me dies!"
"Who comes back Y/n?" Emily's tone changes to a demanding one like the one she uses in the interrogation room.
"Promise me you won't tell the team! Promise me you won't let Reid get involved." Tears prick my eyes I don't care that I am being blatant about my feelings for Reid nothing can happen because I am cursed to repeat the same horrors for the rest of my life.
Emily sighs, "I promise."
"Ghostface is back... and my last name isn't L/N... it's- it's Prescott," I stutter as the words come out like saying them would make this more real than it already is.
"As in the Woodsboro killings?" Emily asks in utter disbelief.
"Unfortunately... and I have to go back there, for my sister," I state. "You can not convince me not to, I can't lose her."
"Y/n we solve cases just like this we can do this as a team," She soothes.
"Tell that to the last agent who tried to help my sister and nearly died," my stress getting the better of me causing me to shout and not notice Spencer opening Prentiss's office door.
I felt the eyes on me once again, I doubt I can talk myself out of this one. The chance of a silent escape gone stuck in a room of profiles who could sense I am on the urge to bolt out the door. Then my phone starts to ring in my pocket, none of the team seems to notice when Emily gives me a knowing look. She clearly knows the Ghostface cases well they all start with a phone call.
Taglist- @bunbunbl0gs
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quinnlyyy · 9 months
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unpopular opinion: i like pre-prison reid more than post-prison reid. one of the things i loved most about spencer was the way he was so soft and smiley despite all the trauma he's been through. now he just seems so sad and anxious all the time. he also slowly started to present more neurotypically and not that its a bad thing, but his neurodivergent tendencies are what made reid who he is in the earlier seasons. it was also nice to have a character i relate to as a neurodivergent person. he js doesnt smile as much anymore and that makes me sad tbh but i dont blame him considering the trauma and torture he's been through. i still love post-prison reid ofc but i wish we still had the old spencer :(
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slytherinlesbians · 6 months
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slytherinlesbians' whumptober masterlist (complete!) *ੈ✩‧₊˚
day one: "how many fingers am i holding up?" | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid (centric), derek morgan, emily prentiss, david rossi | ship: none | trigger warnings: none | content: case fic, concussion, team as a family | word count: 1.1k
day two: "they don't care about you." | fandom: succession | characters: roman roy (centric), shiv roy, kendall roy | ship: none | trigger warnings: mentions of child abuse, neglect, drug use | content: childhood fic, sibling relationships | word count: 1k
day three: solitary confinement | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid | ship: none | trigger warnings: self harm | content: prison spencer | word count: 438
day four: shock | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, alex blake | ship: none | trigger warnings: gunshot, going into shock, anxiety | content: alex & spencer friendship, mom!blake | word count: 535
day five: "it's broken." | fandom: outerbanks | characters: jj maybank, john b routledge | ship: none | trigger warnings: physically abusive parent | content: injuries, jj and john b friendship | word count: 1k
day six: recording/made to watch/"it should've been me." | fandom: criminal minds | characters: derek morgan, emily prentiss, aaron hotchner, jason gideon, penelope garcia, jennifer jaraeu | ship: none | trigger warnings: none | content: 2x15 revelations, the tobias hankel case, kidnapped spencer reid, team as a family | word count: 507
day seven: "can you hear me?" | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid (centric), emily prentiss, jennifer jareau, derek morgan, penelope garica | ship: past spencer reid/maeve donovan | trigger warnings: mentions of drugs/drug use, depression | content: post 8x12 'zugzwang,' spencer's isolation, team as a family | word count: 1k
day eight: outnumbered | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, luke alvez, emily prentiss | ship: luke alvez/spencer reid | trigger warnings: anxiety attack | content: spencer is anxious, luke is there for him, post prison spencer, austistic spencer | word count: 1k
day nine: mistaken identity | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, derek morgan, david rossi | ship: none | trigger warnings: none | content: 4x07 memoriam, spencer is sad, team as a family | word count: 512
day ten: "you said you'd never leave." | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid (centric), diana reid, derek morgan, aaron hotchner, jennifer jaraeu, penelope garcia, emily prentiss | ship: past spencer reid/elle greenaway | trigger warnings: parent abandonment, depression, grief | content: spencer reflects on the people who have left him over the course of his life and grieves | word count: 1.3k
day eleven: "all the lights going dark and my hope's destroyed." | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid | ship: none | trigger warnings: none | content: spencer slowly loses hope in prison | word count: 365
day twelve: insomnia | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, david rossi | ship: none | trigger warnings: none | content: spencer & rossi friendship, dad!rossi, spencer is tired & rossi looks after him | word count: 897
day thirteen: "i don't feel so good." | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid (centric), aaron hotchner, david rossi, jennifer jaraeu, emily prentiss, derek morgan | ship: none | trigger warnings: gunshot wound recovery, vomiting | content: spencer recovers from an injury sustained on a case, team as a family, dad!hotch | word count: 724
day fourteen: (alt prompt) shaking | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, aaron hotchner, jennifer jaraeu, emily prentiss | ship: none | trigger warnings: gunshot, autistic meltdown | content: spencer has a meltdown after a case, autistic spencer, team as a family, hotch & spencer friendship, dad!hotch | word count: 642
day fifteen: "i'm fine." | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, elle greenaway | ship: spencer reid/elle greenaway | trigger warnings: drinking | content: spencer is anxious, elle doesn't know how to help, autistic spencer | word count: 824
day sixteen: "don't go where i can't follow." | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, maeve donovan | ship: past spencer reid/maeve donovan | trigger warnings: death of a partner | content: spencer dreams about maeve | word count: 536
day seventeen: collar/touch aversion/"leave me alone." | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, aaron hotchner | ship: none | trigger warnings: mention of blood | content: post 2x11 'sex, birth, death,' spencer & hotch friendship, dad!hotch, autistic spencer reid | word count: 896
day eighteen: blindfold | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, luke alvez | ship: spencer reid/luke alvez | trigger warnings: panic attack | content: spencer and luke are kidnapped, post prison spencer, autistic spencer | word count: 835
day nineteen: floral bouquet | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, jennifer jaraeu | ship: past spencer reid/maeve donovan | trigger warnings: vomiting | content: set at the beginning of 8x16, 'carbon copy,' spencer & jj friendship | word count: 372
day twenty: blanket/found family | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, aaron hotchner | ship: none | trigger warnings: none | content: post 2x15 'revelations,' the tobias hankel case, dad!hotch, autistic spencer, non-verbal spencer, hotch & spencer friendship, team as a family | word count: 589
day twenty one: restraints | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, luke alvez | ship: spencer reid/luke alvez | trigger warnings: nightmares, mentions of blood, panic attack | content: post prison, spencer has a nightmare | word count: 466
day twenty two: glass shard | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, emily prentiss, luke alvez | ship: could be read as spencer reid/luke alvez | trigger warnings: blood, vomiting | content: spencer is injured on a case | word count: 406
day twenty three: stalking | fandom: criminal minds | characters: jennifer jareau (centric), emily prentiss | ship: mentioned jennifer jareau/will lamontagne | trigger warnings: mentions of sexual assault, rape, abuse and stalking | content: a case reminds jj of a past relationship, emily & jj friendship | word count: 1.2k
day twenty four: goodbye note | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, aaron hotchner | ship: none | trigger warnings: none | content: dad!hotch, spencer & hotch friendship, gideon left and spencer isn't dealing well, anxiety, autistic spencer | word count: 951
day twenty five: storm/buried alive | fandom: succession | characters: roman roy, logan roy | ship: none | trigger warnings: detailed discussion of unspecified eating disorder | content: roman struggles with an eating disorder, logan is a terrible parent | word count: 824
day twenty six: working to exhaustion/"you look awful." | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid (centric), jennifer jareau, david rossi, aaron hotchner | ship: none | trigger warnings: ableism | content: on a case, local officers treat the team badly, dad!hotch, team as a family | word count: 1.7k
day twenty seven: scars | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, luke alvez, penelope garcia | ship: pre spencer reid/luke alvez, but can be read as platonic | trigger warnings: past self harm, past drug addiction | content: case fic, post prison spencer, autistic spencer, spencer is uncomfortable in his body, luke helps | word count: 1.6k
day twenty eight: bloody knife | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, derek morgan, david rossi | ship: none | trigger warnings: stabbing | content: case fic, spencer is stabbed, team as a family | word count: 371
day twenty nine: "what happened to me?" | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid (centric), derek morgan, jennifer jareau, aaron hotchner | ship: none | trigger warnings: past addiction, gunshot wound | content: spencer is shot on a case, pain relief used in the hospital brings up bad feelings, team as a family, dad!hotch | word count: 888
day thirty: borrowed clothing | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, luke alvez | ship: spencer reid/luke alvez | trigger warnings: implied sexual assault | content: luke finds spencer after he's been kidnapped on a case | word count: 718
day thirty one: emptiness | fandom: succession | characters: roman roy, gerri kellman | ship: roman roy/gerri kellman | trigger warnings: detailed description of unspecified eating disorder, vomiting | content: roman struggles, gerri tries to help | word count: 913
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jazajas · 3 years
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i've never posted before on this tag but i have to say:
despite being one of my favorite characters within the show, i sometimes cannot stand the drama that surrounds spencer reid.
i'm not kidding, i skipped through most of the prison reid bits because of how unreasonably anxious it made me feel. the following interactions with cat also, i skipped a lot of that for most of the same reason.
currently i'm on the episode in season 15 where some random lady wants cat set free and she just walked into the BAU in like a mask or something and i genuinely CANNOT right now.
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mercy-burning · 3 years
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Trouble
Part of Mercy’s 1k Celebration: A collection of Spencer Reid x Reader requests to celebrate 1,000 followers.
Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader
Summary: Reader decides to cause a little trouble on vacation.
Category: SMUT (18+)
Warnings: Language, sex (dom!Spencer, hair pulling, spanking, female masturbation, rough sex, light choking, oral sex- male receiving, crying during sex, degradation, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, creampie, cum play / if I missed anything, please let me know!)
Word Count: 6.6k
Full Requests: 
+ “...this is for dom spencer/post prison spencer!! okay so you guys are all out with the team on like a team vacation type thing! you decide to wear the cutest and smallest black bikini and tease spencer the whole day. and i mean tease him!! after you guys all separate off for the night he punishes you! spanks you and fucks you until you’re a whimpering mess! maybe you even fall into sub space and his aftercare is 10/10 amazing!!” — @slutforthegubes​ 
 + “A one-shot for reader being bratty for being clingy in front of the team, so then he punishes her by spanking, edging ect?” — @smexyreid​ 
MASTERLIST | 1K MASTERLIST
NOTE: I actually had a fluff planned for today, but I’ve been feeling rather ~spicy~ lately, so I hope this is alright 😉😂
***
Normally you didn't like to get into trouble on vacations. And really, who did? Vacations were meant to be relaxing, a way to kick back, relax, and take a break from the monotony of day-to-day life. Not to mention you and the team were far over-due for one of those breaks.
So naturally, your instincts would tell you to do just that: relax. Right?
Wrong.
You couldn't help it. As of late, your sex life was getting... interesting, to say the least. And now more than ever you were always in the mood for trouble; Whether it meant purposely bending over in the office (right in front of your boyfriend, where everyone else was in the room and he couldn't do anything about it) or touching yourself without permission, also sometimes right in front of him.
Bottom line: right now you were looking for trouble. And you knew exactly where to find it.
Trouble, in this case, took the form of a skimpy black bikini you'd spotted while shopping for the trip. it was barely a bathing suit at all, held together by thin strings that you knew would fall apart with just a mere little tug. And if that wasn't enough to entice you, it had little lace detailing that you knew would drive him insane.
Your body practically burned with desire as it sat in a bag in the backseat of your rental car, Spencer's hand on your thigh burning equally as hot.
"You feel really warm," he noted, giving your leg a comforting squeeze. "Are you okay? If you're not feeling well we can stay behind..."
"No, I'm fine," you answered truthfully with a smile. "I'm just really excited to take some time off. Lord knows we need it."
"Yeah, I know... I just wish we weren't going somewhere so... water-y..."
You laughed, placing your hand on top of his and giving it the same reassuring squeeze he'd given you. "It'll be fun. Trust me, you'll have a great time."
He didn't sound so sure about that, but he didn't know the plan you had cooked up. He was going to have fun on this trip whether he thought so or not.
***
The resort was beautiful. Hell, beautiful was nowhere near the right word for it. It was everything you'd always dreamed about, just like those fancy commercials that showed people in big pools, surrounded by palm trees and workers with white polo shirts who brought you whatever you wanted.
And the hotel rooms you stayed in? They were immaculate. It may have seemed like you were exaggerating, but honestly, you felt like a princess. The bed was just about the most comfortable thing you'd ever had the pleasure of laying on, the view was incredible, sweeping over the resort with a beautiful sunrise every morning, and the complimentary robes and towels were heavenly.
You never wanted to leave.
"Remind me to give Rossi a big hug the next time I see him," you sighed as you rolled over in bed and snuggled into Spencer's side.
He laughed softly into your hair and pulled you closer. "I know it's only been a day, but I could stay here forever. In this bed, with you..."
You smiled, feeling your heart warm at his words. "Me, too... But if you think you're gonna get out of today by being charming, then you're sorely mistaken."
Yesterday, the day you all arrived, you made a plan with Spencer: that first day would be spent settling in and having dinner with the team, going out for drinks and relaxing. And then the next day (today), you were all going to spend the day outside, enjoying the sun and enjoying each others' company. He wasn't too fond of the idea spending all day outside in the heat, but you were sure that by the end of the night he would have found it very rewarding.
Because today was the day you were initiating your plan. Since you would be in public (and you knew your boyfriend wasn't a fan of being too publicly affectionate), you were going to tease him as much as you could. You knew it would kill him, not being able to touch you in front of everyone, and you also knew it would make him mad. Most likely, he would warn you to drop it, and you would feign innocence, continuing on your merry way and proceed with the plan. And if you knew him as well as you thought, chances are he would tolerate you all day, barely putting up with your antics until you were alone for the night.
And then? Then you were hoping he would punish the hell out of you. Because honestly, nothing got your blood pumping faster than when he called you names... When he spanked you, or choked you, or refused to let you come. Or even when he did the opposite and made you orgasm so many times you cried from the overstimulation.
But you knew that whatever punishment he decided this time, it was going to be absolutely delicious.
Just the thought of it made you clench your thighs together, and Spencer seemed to notice; He brought one of his hands down to rest between them, feeling the dampness that was forming through the fabric of your underwear.
"Someone's excited this morning," he mused, pressing a kiss to your forehead as his middle finger pushed the fabric aside and gently glided through your pussy.
You sucked in a breath, nuzzling into his neck and failing to hide a smile. "Well, since we're gonna be out and about all day, don't you think we should do something about that?"
Spencer laughed again, this time slipping his finger all the way inside you, causing you to gasp out.
"That sounds like a fantastic idea, princess."
***
To say you were anxious would have been an understatement.
Because of the material of your cover-up dress, no one could see what you had on underneath unless you took it off. In reality it was more like a summer dress, landing just above the knee in a pretty black floral pattern. Your hair was up in a clip for easy taking-down, and cheap dollar-store sunglasses sat firmly on the bridge of your nose.
And just the knowledge of what was hiding beneath your seemingly innocent get-up had your stomach twisted in knots. Even as Spencer swung your hand in his as the two of you made your way to the lounge area, you pictured that same hand fisting the sheets as his wrapped around your throat while he fucked you absolutely senseless.
You hadn't even realized you were squeezing his hand so tight until he wiggled his fingers and gently nudged you with his shoulder. "You've been... squirmy and tense lately, are you sure you're alright?"
Your hand loosened its grip on his, and then you brought them up to kiss the back of his hand. "I'm fine, just excited to be in the sun all day, that's all."
There was some degree of truth to your words, but he didn't have to know that.
So, to convince him you really were fine, you practically jumped once you reached the gateway to the pool and lounge area, spotting all your friends as they waved you over. Spencer laughed as you parted from him and started walking a little faster.
"Someone's eager," Rossi mused from his chair, a glass of lemonade in his hand.
As Spencer approached behind you, Luke snickered. "Not eager enough, apparently. They're late. What were you lovebirds up to, eh?"
"Alvez, if you have to ask, you probably couldn't handle the answer," Tara said with a snicker of her own.
Funny thing was, she was absolutely right. And it made your stomach twist into even bigger knots just thinking about what happened just an hour before you left the room.
Thankfully the mood was kind enough to shift, courtesy of JJ removing her sheer cover-up and taking her sunglasses off with them. "Anyone up for a light morning swim before more people show up?"
You weren't sure whether or not it was a good idea... Did you want to start your teasing so early on that by the end of the day it was going to be an even bigger struggle to keep your hands off of Spencer, silently begging him to whisk you away and have his way with you? But what if he held out and decided to cut the day off early? If that was the case, he'd most likely drag out your punishment for hours, and is that something you wanted?
Your mind swam in a current of filthy images and possible scenarios, all of which were too damn good to pass up.
So, you counted yourself in and handed Spencer your bag, to which he gladly took and then planted a kiss on your forehead.
You waited until he was settled down, sitting at the table with Rossi—who also decided to hang back—to start removing your accessories.
The first to go was the sunglasses, easy and still unsuspicious. You were going to remove the hairclip first, but then an idea came to mind, so you easily slid out of the cover-up and let it fall to the ground.
Spencer's jaw dropped open at about the same speed, though he quickly closed it to seemingly remain unbothered. The smallest of smirks played across your lips as you bent down to pick the garment up. And you took your sweet time, purposely struggling to get it between your fingers. At one point, you had it halfway up before you 'accidentally' dropped it again, mumbling a curse under your breath.
But eventually you gave up the charade, successfully grabbing the dress and holding it out to Spencer. "Would you put this in my bag for me, babe?"
"Uh huh," he muttered, his hands practically shaking when he took it from you.
To add sugar to the pot, you took a step towards him and kissed him chastely on the mouth, just before taking the clip from your hair and shaking it out like in the movies. Truthfully you weren't sure if it was as sexy as they always made it seem, but judging by your boyfriend's inability to look at you, you figured it did the trick.
You turned and made your way to the pool then, leaving him behind with a little extra spring in your step.
***
Your swim extended until lunch time at around noon, where everyone gathered at their table. There were about thirty of these tables all around the pool, each attaching a tall umbrella to keep from the sun.
Though Spencer had seemed rattled and more shocked than anything at your outfit reveal before, now he just seemed calm. Oddly calm.
As you opened a beer, you looked over at him. "You okay, baby?"
"Yep. I'm all good."
He clearly wasn't. His hand twitched under the table, and it made your stomach flutter with butterflies as you wondered what he was thinking. Was he thinking about fucking you out here in front of everyone? Was he imagining and concocting ways to make sure you knew how much of an affect you had on him later? The thought of all of it excited you to the point of squirminess again.
It was safe to say that Spencer noticed. His hand reached out and brushed your knee about ten minutes into lunch, and it sent a jolt of electricity through you. He was never this way in public, but now he was full-on gripping your knee under the table and slowly sliding it up and up and up...
"Excuse me? Do you guys have an extra chair we could use by chance?" A voice sounded from the other side of you, and you jumped as Spencer quickly removed his hand from you.
But then you got another idea.
"Oh, here, you can use mine," you told the voice, which belonged to a middle-aged woman in a blue one-piece and a sun hat.
"Are you sure? I don't want to be any trouble..."
You stood up and smiled at her, handing over your chair as you insisted. "It's not a problem. Really."
"Thank you," she returned with a smile. "Have a great day."
"You, too!" you called as she walked off with the chair. You turned to Spencer with a smile. "You don't mind if I sit on your lap, right?"
He didn't answer, only shifted in the chair, and that gave you all the permission you needed. So you promptly sat down between his legs, and you snuggled as close to him as you could, making sure to wiggle a little more than needed without being too obvious as your friends continued chatting. Spencer's left hand gripped your hip so tightly you thought he was going to leave bruises.
That excited you more than it probably should have.
So to test your luck, you placed your hand over the top of his and drew little patterns into the back of his hand. Your other hand worked at occasionally grabbing fries to eat.
What you didn't expect was for Spencer to ask for one. Really, you didn't think much of it, though those butterflies returned in your lower belly when he ate the fry right out of your hand, bringing his face to rest right above your shoulder. Before he pulled away, he whispered just inconspicuously enough to avoid raising any red flags.
"Watch yourself, princess..."
He hissed out the nickname so harshly it made you shudder, and your thighs clenched under the table as he leaned back again.
Just in time for someone to talk.
"Why, you two are awfully clingy today." It was Penelope, giggling through a bright pink bendy straw.
You decided to play off of that, smiling and leaning back to press yourself fully against him. "This is our first vacation together, I guess I'm just excited," you said sweetly.
Spencer lightly kissed your cheek, but his hand squeezed your bare hip again. A warning not to push it.
"You know, Will and I haven't had a vacation in a while. It's kind of a bummer he had to work, otherwise we could've taken the kids." JJ pouted playfully before taking a fry.
"We'll definitely have to plan for another one of these in the future," Penelope offered happily.
You wiggled your hips just the tiniest bit as your head dropped onto Spencer's shoulder. "I agree."
His fingers were gripping your hip with brutal force now, and to cover a yelp, you faked a cough. He eased his grip, settling on splaying his entire hand flat across it instead. Its warmth mixed with the knowledge of how big it was made you all warm inside. And, God, if you didn't want to fake being sick so you could drag him up to the hotel room right then...
But you held on, ready for phase two of your plan.
While swimming before, You decided with Luke, Penelope, Tara, Matt, and Emily that a game of water-volleyball was in your future. JJ offered to call points while the rest of you, in teams, played against each other. Despite their efforts to get Rossi and Spencer to join, they both declined, but in a way you were thankful.
Being in action might just be the thing you needed to finally push him over the edge.
So soon after lunch, you all moved over to the open water-volleyball pool. JJ, Spencer, and Rossi all sat at the edge on lounge chairs to watch while you divided into two teams, Penelope, Luke, and Emily on one side, you, Tara, and Matt on the other.
Truth be told, during the game you almost completely forgot about the other little game that you were playing with Spencer—the one only you two knew about. You were quite content and happy having fun with your friends for so long that it was a distant memory.
But at one point, Matt lifted you out of the water to hit the ball, his hands firmly gripping your waist to help you do it. And you didn't think anything of it until you realized your second, and probably your most fatal, mistake.
You'd successfully spiked the ball and scored the winning point, to which your team loudly cheered. And when Matt brought you back down into the water, you flung your arms around his neck in a hug. He lifted you out of the water again as he hugged you, and over his shoulder, you spotted Spencer.
He was furious.
No one would have been able to tell, of course, but you knew. You'd seen that look before, when you were teasing him badly enough that it warranted a pretty severe punishment.
You may have won the volleyball game, but in the process you inadvertently won another game, one that excited you far more and presented you with the grand prize of one very long night.
***
Spencer was quiet with you the rest of the day. After the game, you all decided to just lay out in the sun for a few hours. Occasionally, you would sneak a glance at your boyfriend to find him in that oddly calm state again, the one that borderline scared and excited you at the same time, and for a moment you wondered if maybe you'd gone too far, even if you hadn't intentionally meant to make him jealous.
But if something was truly wrong, he would have told you. You both knew the lines between playful and serious, and this odd calm that Spencer was exuding was most definitely playful.
He only further proved that to be true when you got up to the bar to get a margarita, and you felt a presence behind you.
His hands splayed over your hips and slid forward to your stomach, pulling you back to him. The hardness you felt pressing into the thin material of your bikini made you tremble.
"I want you to finish your drink, and then I want you to meet me in our room. Take your time, princess. I'll be waiting."
Before you could even answer, he was gone, his hand lingering on your body for a moment before he let himself fully walk away. And as you slowly sipped on your drink, chatting a bit with Penelope when she came over, your skin still burned hot from his touch.
***
You took a deep breath before stepping ino the room. Your hands were shaking with excitement and your stomach churned at the sight of him.
He was perched on the bed, freshly showered, wearing nothing but a towel hung low on his hips while he read a book. His hair was wet, towel dried and hanging in soft curls in front of his eyes.
Spencer always took your breath away, but this?
You were in deep shit.
He didn't even look up from his book. He continued flipping the page and gently nodded towards the bathroom door. "Go get a shower ready. I'll be in in a minute."
Your first instinct was to obey. But then again, trouble was what you wanted in the first place, so trouble was what you were going to deliver.
"Why?"
"Because you're covered in chlorine from the pool, and you have to shower." He still didn't look up at you. And that just wouldn't do.
"I'm sure you're right, babe, but I just don't feel like it. And you can't make me."
His eyes flitted up to meet you, just for a brief second before he sighed and shut the book. "Y/N..."
"Spencer..."
"You've been a tease all day, do you really want to make it harder for yourself?" This time he was looking up at you fully, meeting you with a bored expression that was just so fucking hot. You couldn't resist.
"I don't know," you teased, crossing your arms. "Do I?"
"Trust me, princess, you don't..."
You giggled at the nickname and started walking towards him, kicking off your flip flops and uncrossing your arms in the process. "Hmm... I think I do."
"Take another step, see what happens," he offered plainly.
Just for the hell of it, you stopped and then took one giant step forward, bringing you to the edge of the bed where he was sitting. You smiled down at him and felt your insides heat up as he brought his hand out, roughly pulling at the thin fabric of your bikini. He pulled you right on top of him, just for you to be rolled over and pinned on your stomach.
His hands pinned your hands behind your back as he pushed his body into yours, making you whimper out excitedly.
"So be it. Don't make a sound unless I tell you to. Understand?" The sternness in his voice sent another chill through you as you nodded. But then one of his hands came up and tugged on your hair, pulling your neck back. "Answer me."
"I understand," you said, though not without making it sound like you were bored.
That only seemed to make him more mad, which of course was a win for you. He tugged your hair harder, causing you to yelp out with a masochistic laugh.
"Something funny?" he inquired evenly.
"You're cute when you're mad," you offered with a shit-eating grin, wiggling your ass against him.
This time, instead of pulling your head back, he shoved it down into the mattress, his hand shifting to hook his middle finger around your cheek and into your mouth. "You're cute when you shut up and obey me... But I have a feeling you're not going to be very good for me tonight, are you princess?"
You only hummed around his finger in response, clenching your pussy around nothing as your body suddenly went wild with a wave of pleasure at his words.
"That's what I thought... Let's see how well you take your spankings, maybe then I'll go easy on you later."
He wasted no time then, yanking your swim bottoms down and running his hand over the curve of your ass.
"Let's see... One—" SMACK. "—for making a show of wearing this slutty little bikini."
To keep it interesting, you wiggled your ass for more, and he returned the favor by spanking you even harder than the last time. "Two, for giving away your chair just to sit in my lap." Very quickly after, he administered another one, following with, "Three, for teasing me at lunch in front of our friends."
"But I d—"
SMACK. "Four, for interrupting me," he said quietly. And with the way his hand was rubbing over your stinging skin, he was no doubt admiring his work so far. He even hummed, lifting his hand occasionally, leading you to think he was going to spank you again— Only for him to settle on rubbing over your ass again.
He was drawing this out. Taking his time. Seeing how antsy you would get.
Needless to say, it was working.
Your hands, which were still pinned behind your back by Spencer's other hand, started to flex, and you whimpered out in want.
"What's the matter, princess?" he cooed.
"I... I want you," is all you could think to say. Because you really did.
"Bad girls don't get what they want. Especially brats. So tell me, do you think I'm going to give you what you want?"
You were supposed to answer him, but in the name of trouble, you remained silent.
He waited for an answer that never came. And when he was tired of waiting, realizing what you were doing, Spencer spanked you again. "Five, for not answering me."
Before you could do or say anything, he landed another slap to your ass. "And six, for having Matt's hands all over you."
You couldn't help it. You laughed. "Oh, that got to you, huh? His hands were nice and big. Reminded me of y—ah!"
He spanked you again, hard. Tears stung behind your eyes and you smiled through them.
"Seven," he growled. "For being a fucking brat."
You took a few deep breaths before speaking again. "Aw, are you jealous? You really think I would—fuck!"
Another spank. "Eight. Don't you dare get it to ten." It was obvious that he was challenging you. Either that, or you were just looking for trouble so badly that you were willing to hear his words as a challenge. But regardless, you challenged him back with one simple, breathy word.
"Nine."
SMACK. "Nine. You must really be looking for trouble, huh?"
You laughed, wiggling your ass one more time. "You don't even know the half of it."
Spencer spanked you one last time, harder than all the rest of them, and you actually yelped out, squeezing your eyes shut.
"Ten. Now get in the shower, or I'll make it double."
You thought about it, but a shower actually sounded really good, and it would give you a chance to breathe before he utterly wrecked you in a little while.
"Okay," you offered, slumping against the bed loosely to show him your surrender. He gently let go of you then, rubbing over your ass a few times before pulling away from you and helping you stand.
"You want me to put something on that now or later?" he asked gently, brushing the hair from your face.
"Later," you returned with a wink and a smile.
He huffed a laugh before gently smacking your ass one more time and sending you off in the shower.
***
As excited as you were for the rest of the evening, you were tempted to take as long in the shower as you wanted, just to see what Spencer would do. But you decided to just take a shower normally, rinsing out your hair just as you always did. You quickly washed up your body, wincing a bit at the sting of your ass under the soap and warm water.
And then you started thinking about how exhilarated you felt as he punished you. Each sharp, warm smack of his hand on your skin made you feel utterly electric and wet. It was a wonder you weren't actually dripping down your leg and onto the bed at how badly you wanted him.
The thought sent your hand down to said wetness. You really shouldn't have been touching yourself, but you were practically burning for him, melting at the amount of teasing you'd done today and the anticipation that came with every move. Your hand was relentless, looking for its own trouble as you moaned out as quietly as you could. The water was still cascading down your back as you rubbed tight, fast circles on your clit, hoping to get fast relief.
And then a knock came at the door.
"I want you out here in five minutes!"
Sure enough, Spencer's voice was enough to finally push you off the edge, wave after wave of pleasure coursing through you. But as soon as it subsided, you turned the water off and got out to dry yourself off.
Hopefully he wouldn't ever find out what you've done. But the devious side of you really wanted to know what he'd do if he did.
With that thought flooding your brain, you quickly finished drying off and walked out into the bedroom to find Spencer waiting on the bed again. His towel was still wrapped around his waist, and it gave you an idea.
You winked and dropped your own towel, revealing yourself fully to him.
"Did I ask you to drop the towel?" he chastised.
"Nope," you replied, placing your hands on your hips.
"Then why did you do it?"
You decided to take the mocking route, drawling out an overexaggerated, "Because I'm a dirty little whore, and I need you to put your big cock inside me."
"Are you done?"
He looked bored again, and it made you want him even more. So you said, "No. Once your cock is in me, I wa—"
"Were you touching yourself in the shower?"
Holy fuck.
"No."
Spencer stood up and glided over to you until he was towering over you, clearly unbelieving of your blatant lie. "No?"
"No," you repeated, the tiniest of smirks forming on your lips.
Without warning, his hand was between your legs, and a gasp left you as he found your clit, rubbing it almost exactly the same way you'd been earlier. You couldn't help the strangled moan that left your mouth, and he smirked knowingly.
"Yep. Those are definitely the sounds I heard."
And then he removed his hand, making you whine at the loss of contact. "I'm sorry," you whispered, hoping he'd return, if only to punish you for what you did by overstimulating you.
He seemed to have another idea, though.
"You're sorry?"
"Mhm," you whimpered, reaching out to grab his hand. "I'm so sorry."
When you had hold of his hand, he took control, gripping your wrist and pushing it away, and then he grabbed your shoulder. "Then why don't you get on your knees—" he pushed on your shoulder and you obliged happily, "—and show me how sorry you are..."
Your pussy throbbed around nothing as you looked up at him, eagerly waiting for his towel to drop. But he didn't move, and it was clear that he was waiting on you to do it.
So you yanked the towel down and marveled at how hard and ready he was. Your head seemed to move of its own accord, like it was magnetically drawn to his dick, and you weren't complaining. And then your tongue flattened and licked a broad stripe underneath him, before you quickly made work of taking him completely into your mouth.
It didn't take long to start a nice rhythm bobbing up and down, occasionally looking up to see him. Again, he looked bored, and though that would have spurred you on before, now you were desperate to please. So you worked your mouth faster, slacking your jaw and taking him in deeper, using your hands to keep yourself steady by gripping the back of his thighs. You moaned and gagged around him, yet kept your pace up regardless.
"Come on, princess, you can do better than that," he teased, fisting your hair and holding you down on his cock. "Apologize like you mean it."
He released your hair then, and you pulled back to take a breath of air before spitting obscenely on his dick and quickly stroking him with your hand. "I'm sorry, baby, I'm so so sorry," you whined, right before taking his balls in your mouth. You kept at that for a few moments before going to take him in your mouth again.
This time you were meaningful in every single movement, taking him in slow and deep. Each time he hit the back of your throat you held yourself there and choked around him as long as you could, tears falling from your eyes. And then you'd pull away slowly, swirling your tongue around his tip before repeating.
Eventually though, he pulled you away completely and studied you as you sat there, knelt on the floor in front of him with red eyes, and tears and spit completely coating your face. Your lips were glistening and puffy as you panted, whispering soft apologies.
"What a good girl," Spencer mused, brushing hair from your eyes and wiping tears from your cheeks. "I accept your apology. Come here."
His gentle voice all but pulled you to him as you stood on shaky knees. He hadn't even really done anything to you yet, and you were already a mess. That fact made you smile.
You wiped most of the mess from your face and nodded. "So, what's my reward?"
Spencer huffed a laugh. "For being a brat? Nothing."
"Aw, but I thought I earned your forgiveness..." You pouted playfully, and he pulled you closer by the waist.
"Yeah, well you're being cocky, so I take it back."
Before you could say anything, he kissed you, bringing both of his hands up to cradle the sides of your head. You all but melted into him and let him lead you to the bed, where you were turned around and bent over again.
He used his leg to spread yours apart, right before bringing a hand to the nape of your neck. As he grabbed a fistful of your hair and gently tugged your head back, his other hand fell between your legs and gently parted you.
"You ready, princess?"
"Uh huh," you whined back, right as he pushed forward and glided his cock through your pussy. He waited, making you anticipate that sweet moment when he'd finally enter you, and you could tell he was enjoying every second. You wiggled against him, and he yanked your hair.
"Ah-ah, be patient... Be patient..."
He continued just sliding himself through your opening until you weren't expecting it. And then he slammed into you, eliciting a loud moan from the back of your throat.
"Sh, shh," Spencer expressed, releasing your hair and sliding his hand to cover your mouth. "Everyone's going to hear you, princess, you need to keep quiet. Can you do that for me?"
"Mhm," you mumbled against his hand, letting out a strangled sigh when he placed it on your shoulder instead. He kept up a nice, hard pace pounding into you, each slap of his hips against your burning ass just the right amount of pain to be pleasant. And you were thankful for the bed underneath you, because if you didn't have it, you'd surely have buckled under the weight of your knees already.
Feeling how limp you were in his grasp, Spencer used both his hands to wrap around the front of your throat, keeping you upright as your hands pressed into the mattress.
"Tell me, princess, do you think you deserve to come so soon?"
You were so caught up in how hard and deep he was fucking you that you were pretty sure it wouldn't matter what you told him— you were going to orgasm regardless, because there was no way you could even fathom trying to hold it in. Whether or not Spencer would show you any mercy at that point was a mystery.
You were just going to have to find out.
"I—I... Ohhhh..."
You heard him laugh lowly, and it made you clench around him. "Oh, it hasn't even been five minutes, and I've already fucked you so dumb you can't even speak? Huh?"
You whined in response, letting your head fall to the side as you tried to look at him. And you barely caught a glimpse of his hair as he continued speaking. "Aw... My poor little princess... That's what you get, isn't it? When you act like a dirty little whore..."
He was recalling what you'd teased earlier, and it brought you closer to the edge more than you liked to admit.
"Uh... huh," you whined out, dangerously close to coming undone.
"Alright then, princess. Come for me, show me what you got."
Unsurprisingly, it didn't take very long for that to happen. You let out a string of whimpers and cries as he fucked you through your orgasm, his hands slightly tightening around your throat as well. Every sensation was blinding and intense, just like you knew it'd be, even if it was only your second orgasm of the night.
And you had a decent suspicion that it wasn't going to be your last.
Even after you were done, Spencer kept at it, relentlessly fucking you into the mattress until your legs were surely numb. Your knees were still sore from being on the floor before, and likewise, your ass was still burning. Not to mention the overstimulation you were experiencing as one of his hands moved down to rub at your clit.
Eventually though, he stopped, and you weren't sure why. But then he flipped you around, laying you on the edge of the bed and leaning over you, his hands brushing more of the tears from your cheeks.
"I wanna see your pretty little eyes when I come, okay? You think you can keep 'em open for me, princess?"
"Mhm," you whined out as he pushed into you again.
He settled on a slow pace that built and built until he was fucking you fast and hard and incredibly deep. His entire body leaned into yours as he snapped his hips forward over and over again, brutal in their goal to completion. You kept whining out, feeling another orgasm coming quickly as you let yourself succumb to him.
"That's it, princess, you're taking it so well. We're almost done..." He whispered comforts into your temple, moments before you reached your peak once more. You shook violently underneath him, which was all he needed to finish himself.
He pulled back and looked into your eyes, filled with tears at the overstimulation, as he snapped his hips forward once, twice, and then three times before letting go. He held himself inside of you, moaning out while looking into your eyes. The feel of his cock throbbing and spilling over inside of you was just about the most comforting thing in the world right then, accompanied by soft brushes of his fingers through your hair and even softer declarations of love.
Long after he stayed inside of you, catching his breath, Spencer pulled out and examined you, the way your body glistened perfectly with the right amount of sweat. Your chest heaved, each dip and curve and peak of your breasts slowly rising and falling as you trembled. He slid down your body, until finally his eyes caught sight of your pussy, glistening and dripping with his cum. It absolutely wrecked him in the best way possible, so much so that he couldn't help himself.
He brought his hand to your opening, gently scooping up his cum and gathering it onto the pads of his fingers. You moaned out as he did it, and he knew then exactly what he wanted.
"Open up, princess," he pried softly, bringing his fingers to your mouth. You gladly did what you were told and sighed out as he glided them over your tongue, practically spoon-feeding you his cum. He pumped his fingers in and out of your mouth slowly, feeling every vibration on your tongue from the sounds you made. And then he did it again, bringing his fingers back to your pussy to gather more of his mess.
He did this until it was pretty much all gone, and truthfully, you would have let it go on forever. The intimacy of it all, the soft and sensual way in which he explored and watched you, and the love you felt for each other all wrapped up in a shiny, red bow was the perfect end to a perfect day.
You would have fallen asleep, but Spencer was gently nudging your arm. "Hey, you," he said gently, pressing a kiss to your temple. "I think it's time to run us a bath, don't you think?"
"Sure," you agreed quietly with a smile. "And then we can sleep, right?"
"I think the team might get mad at us for ditching dinner, but I'm willing to risk that."
With a laugh, you reached over and kissed him. "Good. I love you, Spencer."
"I love you, too, princess."
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labeeboheme · 3 years
Text
my spencer reid headcanons
(when a happy one matches a sad one, they’ll be matching colours)
also tw - vague mention of suicide, drug addiction, disordered eating mention (never anything graphic)
happy/cute
- Garcia and the rest of the team would leave little sticky notes around his desk and normally they’d just make him smile but when he was having a rough day they’d literally make him tear up with happiness
- he’s obscenely good at present giving, because he simultaneously remembers everything that people say they like and also has his ridiculous knowledge of what exists out there
- one week (it coincided with him being clean for 5 years, he never made the connection) he walked into the briefing room and every member of the team was dressed exactly as him. he kept trying to bring it up and everybody pretended they had no idea what he was on about. it became their BAU group chat icon for years.
- one of the best days of his life was when garcia took him dog walking with her, he got to just wander around with 6 dogs all day
- jack grows to adore him just as much as henry does. spencer hangs around a lot because him and hotch are usually the ones without anyone to hang out with at the weekend, and he takes jack to the museum with henry and michael all the time. jack ends up being a lot more like spencer than he imagined (which both terrifies and delights hotch)
- Spencer has never actually attended a graduation, despite having graduated from various degrees like 10+ times. when the BAU (Alex probably) finds out, they all force him into a gown and rock up to cheer him
- they liked to play trivia games where it was spencer vs the rest of the team, but someone (i’m thinking emily) picks up that it makes him feel left out. they then take turns being on spencer’s team. one month, the non-spencer team beats them and the joy it gives them makes him smile for a week
- garcia learns how to make mocktails and without fail, will make a huge jug for him anytime the rest are drinking alcohol but make sure they’re fun flavours so he gets just as much excitement as everyone else
- after Diana is moved to Virginia, the team become really close to her. JJ takes the boys to hang out with her because she’s always loved children (and Diana sometimes thinks Henry is a young Spencer, which makes JJ worry about how Spencer will react but he’s just sitting here grinning with tears in his eyes because he’s finally getting to see his mom be the mom he knew she could be)
- the BAU love his glasses, and there’s a competition to get a photo of him with them on, but he’s very good at avoiding cameras. After one case in a hotel they even try to hide his contact solution to force him to wear them (amateurs - he definitely keeps a spare box in his coat). There eventually is a single photo of them wearing them, but all members of the BAU fail. Spencer is babysitting Henry, who is distraught about having to wear glasses to school. Spencer gives up trying to comfort him and just takes his contact lenses out and switches them for glasses. Henry is super shocked but so happy that he matches his favourite person, so Spencer takes a photo of the two of them so that Henry can put it next to his bed
- he gets a cat after prison, it’s a tabby cat that is the light of his life, and the cat is just heavy enough that when Spencer gets it to sit on his lap that cat can be used a grounding pressure
—————————————————
angsty/sad
- developed disordered eating habits that started from him always being super underweight as a child bc he couldn’t afford food and then when he got to college he started to eat properly and put on actually healthy weight but he was so adverse to change that it freaked him out
- one of the roughest days at the BAU, after all the obvious terrible times, was when Morgan and Hotch was just having a casual conversation about how they’d helped Strauss with her addiction and it just broke him. he ended up hiding under Garcia’s desk and he’d only speak to her and Emily (as the only people I think ever actually helped him) and was non verbal, once they finally got him out into the office he refused to speak to either of them and was just stimming with garcia comforting him (once he started talking again he whispered why he was so upset to emily, and she joined him in his glaring at them every time he looked at them. morgan and hotch never really worked it out and eventually reid just gave up on being upset because he knew it couldn’t change what happened)
- spencer has never walked across the stage at graduation, but that doesn’t mean he never went to a graduation. his first degree his mom promised she’d come, but ended up not leaving the house. he stood to the side of the stage in his gown trying not to cry before just going back home and having the diploma mailed to him
- he relapsed in prison. he considered his sobriety over after the events in Mexico, and so just briefly gave up when one of the inmates offered him some. as soon as Garcia came to visit him, he broke down and never did it again. he never told Morgan and so he still got a text every year on the day he first got clean, which he thought he’d absolutely hate but ended up finding comfort in because even if the “happy 12 years sobriety, kid” should have been “happy 2 years sobriety, kid”, it reminded him that he’d done it before and could do it again
- after maeve died and they came round to help him clean his apartment, he was really proud of himself for being able to put her book on the shelf and feel like he’s moving on. and then the next day he was getting ready to go to work properly for the first time and he was just getting more and more terrified and anxious and then started to spiral because the longer he panicked the later he was. and it reminded him of how scared maeve had been to come outside to meet him at the restaurant but she’d done it anyway, and he put the book in his bag and found it a lot easier to leave the house after that
- Spencer is so goddamn bitter about them not helping him get clean, and he mentions it whenever he can. In a angry-but-never-let-himself-be-angry way, he takes some justification in seeing the team squirm with guilt. one day he’s listing symptoms of withdrawal for a case, and just starts to go like “another symptom is intense muscle pain, which for me was definitely the worst” or “yeah nausea is real bad, not that you’d know I guess” like he’s exhausted and pissed off and just gives up any pretence of subtlety
- when Diana dies, the whole team rally around Reid more than he could imagine. They all organise the funeral basically for him, and Garcia constantly cooks for him, and at least one person sleeps on his sofa each night in case he needs them. By week two he’s doing okay, and he quickly realises they’re doing it for themselves more than him, because they’re so desperate to let him know how loved he is. It’s still one of the worst weeks of his life, but it’s bearable and that’s purely down to him never having to feel lonely
- there’s a reason he knew exactly what to do when he walked in on Nathan Harris, and that’s because he’s done it with his mom, except that time he was 12 and his dad had just left and he just sat there covered in blood waiting for the ambulance, and whilst promising the paramedics that his dad was on his way home so that social services wouldn’t turn up, he read countless books on medical treatment so that next time he wouldn’t be so hopeless
- I respectfully disagree with the line where he’s like “this is my first meeting” at the Beltway clean cops, I’m convinced he would drive two hours to a meeting miles away so he could truly be anonymous and sit curled up in a chair and cry in meetings without even the slightest chance of seeing someone he knew
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a-mended-pact · 3 years
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Let the Right One In
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A/N: So this is for @boldlyvoid 's challenge. I had so much fun writing this. Even though I'm still super anxious about posting my stories. It's been a pleasure and an honor getting to know you Em. Congratulations on reaching 2k! 🖤
Warning: Mentions of insecurities. Maeve Donovan. Faking a death.
Word count: 2,082
It was midday when I heard knocking on the front door. I was half tempted not to answer. Spencer was away on a case and neither him nor I were expecting anyone. Anyone that would come over at all was away on the case with him or states over. So who could be coming over unannounced? I clumsily headed towards the door. My fuzzy socks are making it difficult to stay balanced on the hardwood floor. A knock came again. It was gentler this time. 
I looked through the peephole and saw a small woman looking around nervously leaning from foot to foot. “Who is it?” I wondered if I could at least get a name. 
“I’m here to see Doctor Spencer Reid. I got his address from Aaron Hotchner.”
  My face blanched at the sound of Hotch’s name. It had been quite some time since anyone had mentioned him. After he went into protective custody with Jack even though the reaper was dead he still chose to stay away. Contact with him was rare and slim. I quickly opened the door and watched her jump back slightly. 
“Who are you?” she asked. She looked around the same age as him. She is actually quite beautiful. I wonder how Spencer knows her? 
“ I’m Y/n Reid.” She tilted her head to the side as she studied me.
 “I didn’t realize Spencer had a sister.” She finally met my gaze and smiled.
 “Is he here or do I need to come back at another time?” A small laugh escaped me 
“No, I am not his sister. I am his wife.” I crossed my arms over my chest and locked my foot in place behind the door keeping it only slightly ajar not letting her see into our home. 
Her face shifted to one of slight surprise. “Oh well I better just go then.” She went to turn away. When a thought crossed my mind.
 “Wait, I can call him if you’d like and let him know you are looking for him. What’s your name?” I was wondering whether this was a good idea or not to even call him but i had already offered and i am already in far too deep to turn back now. 
She stopped not turning to face me again. “My name is Maeve. Maeve Donovan.” 
Maeve. Why did I know that name? Why is my brain going off with alarm bells? But why do I know that name? I watched as she vanished from the hallway down the flight of stairs never turning back around to look at me. 
I slammed the door shut as I racked my brain on if I should mention this to Spencer at all. Especially while he is away on a case. Maybe I should wait until he gets home. He should be home later tonight. At least if the weather was alright over in New Hampshire. He had left me a message earlier this morning to let me know the case was solved and it had started snowing there but their flight wouldn’t be ready till a little later. 
He should be home in about an hour now. I will wait. I’ll definitely wait.
 
~
When Spencer walked through the door he looked sluggish and about ready to just collapse. The exhaustion clearly got to him from not getting enough sleep while he was away. He took off his satchel and his suit jacket. He began undoing his tie as he walked his way into our bedroom. Not even making eye contact with me. 
He came back out moments later in nothing but his flannel sweatpants. “Sorry I know I should have said hello to you. I just felt like I was suffocating in my clothes today.” As he spoke he made his way to the couch where I sat at one end.
 Once he sat down he leaned down and put his head in my lap. I gently started running my fingers through his hair while scratching his head. 
“That feels really nice.” His voice was soft and he let out a quiet sigh as he relaxed into the couch and my lap.
 If I wasn’t petting his head I was gently caressing his back with my fingertips. I know I needed to tell him. I was just so nervous. I knew somewhere deep down this would be stressful to him. The day already has worn him out so completely. It was like he needed my touch to recharge himself. I began biting my lip as my hand stopped on his lower back. 
“Hey, Spence, A woman came by to see you today. She said she got your address from Aaron.” He made a humming noise to let me know that he heard me. “Her name was Maeve Donovan.” I felt his back muscles tense at the sound of her name. He sat up immediately. 
“Wh- what did you say?” He looked at me as if I had just grown an extra head or as if I had just spoken another language.  “Mae-” He cut me off. “No, I heard what you said. I don’t need you to repeat yourself. It’s not possible she was at the door. She is dead. She’s been dead for years.” 
He pushed himself up off the couch, the muscles in his arms flexing more than usual. He was more tense than I have seen him in a long time. The last time I saw him this upset or stressed was when he first came back from prison. We were just dating back then.
“I am going to go call Hotch.” he moved quickly to grab his phone when he finally reached it. It began to ring. He looked at it for a couple of seconds before he answered.
“Hello?” His eyes widened slightly. I watched as he clenched his jaw and tears brimmed his eyes. 
“M-m-maeve?” He leaned himself back against the wall. His breathing became irregular as he slid himself down the cold panel. At the same time I saw a couple of tears leave his eyes.
I sucked in a breath and sighed. Was this going to be the end of us? Now that all the stories Spencer told me of her came back once he said that she was dead.
She was his first love after all. It would only make sense right?
====Spencer’s Pov=====
My vision was blurred beyond recognition. I could hear my blood pumping in my ears as the sound of her voice drifted in and out. This isn’t real. It’s not possible. I watched her die. I saw her. She was pronounced dead at the scene. I mourned her. It’s been years. Nearly a decade.
“Spencer? Can you hear me?” I felt my tears stream down my face, nodding as if she could see me. 
“Yeah, Yeah I can hear you.” My voice cracked as I answered her. 
“Just like old times huh? It’s so nice to hear your voice. I’ve missed you.” My breath hitched at her words. 
I felt my heart hammer in my chest. I glanced up to see if I could find my wife. She was watching me with concern but otherwise she hadn’t moved not yet. All the guards Y/n had torn down throughout the years started building themselves up higher and higher. 
"H-how are you alive? I watched you die." The horrible memories of that fatal day still haunted me. What am I supposed to do now?
Do I still have feelings for her? Is it wrong if I do? I don't know how to handle this. What should I do?
"That's why I came to see you earlier.  It was an idea that I came up with at the last minute.  So I faked my death." Her voice was calmer than my breathing.  I felt the walls Barricading around me to keep me safe. I was suffocating.
I wasn't sure I had heard her right. I could feel my ears ringing as the blood in me ran cold.
"You faked your death and made me believe for a decade that the first person I ever loved died a brutal death because you wanted a new life?" My tone was harsher than I anticipated.
I felt my wife's hands run through my hair in a comforting manner as she lowered herself to the floor with me.
I glanced at Y/n as tears streamed down my face. The memories of Maeve and my feelings for her wreaking havoc on my heart.
"Darling, I think you should hang up. For now anyway." She whispered it as her hand lowered to the back of my neck giving me a gentle message. 
My back stiffened. I was so caught up in my own nightmare I hadn't realized that this is probably a living one for her.
"Spencer. I can expla-" I cut off the call before she could even finish her sentence.  Y/n was right.
"You have a lot you need to process and I'm sure you didn't want to say anything you would regret. I'm sorry if I've overstepped." She looked a little nervous as if I was gonna snap at her the way I had Maeve 
I gently grabbed the hand that was touching me and brought it up to my lips placing a kiss on it.
"Nonsense. You are my wife. You were right. I should have hung up. I just. I don't know how to explain what I was feeling." I could feel my breathing begin to slow slightly as I tried to match her breathing to get mine back to normal.
It was like my world paused for a moment and began to spiral faster than I could catch my balance. I felt air fill my lungs when I heard her voice but yet I was left gasping for oxygen. 
The very thought of Maeve brought back so many things I thought I had dealt with prior to now.  I leaned my head against my wife's shoulder as I just let the tears fall.
I felt awful having her comfort me over another woman. Yet I couldn't bring myself to completely care. She was the one offering me comfort.  
She held me in her arms. Whispering to me that things will be okay. That we'd figure things out.
I truly didn't deserve her. She loves me so unconditionally it's unnerving. That's when my phone went off again.
It was the same number Maeve had called me from.
I glanced at my wife. Who just watched me. That's when I fully knew and decided something that had been bothering me for over the past hour or so.
I let my phone continue to ring as I cupped her face. 
"You...you make me feel special and good and all these things that I still don't have the words for yet— good things… things I never thought I deserved to feel.” I pulled her in closer letting our lips caress one another.
"I love you Spencer.  You don't need to say all of this right now. I know you are still-" She tilted her head to the side as if she were trying to figure me out.  "Cluttered and that's okay."
I kissed her harder than I've ever kissed anyone before.
"I’m not in love with her, I’m in love with you”
I have no real idea on if she needed this reassurance all I knew is that I did. I wanted her to know out loud what she meant to me. I couldn't imagine a better partner. A better lover or a better best friend than her.
 I wasn't going to have her doubt everything about us. Not for anything.
I stayed close to her as my phone kept repeatedly going off until eventually it stopped. I was still figuring things out. 
Knowing that Maeve was alive before I met Y/n would have changed my life completely but now? I didn't want anything to change.  For once I was happy. I had someone in my life who put me first. Who cared about me. Who wasn't afraid to hurt my feelings as long as it kept me safe. She loved me for me and all the mess in between who I have yet to become.
She saw me for me. I wasn't Doctor Spencer Reid.  I wasn't a federal agent or a professor to her. I was just Spencer.  The man for some ungodly reason she chose to love. 
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spookydrreid · 3 years
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Chapter One: Reunited
Pairing: Unsub! Spencer Reid x fem!reader
Content Warnings: talks of being interrogated, talks of jail, talks of death, talks of suicide, talks of murder, swearing, use of the term "pet" (I think that's all but please let me know)
Word Count: 1k
[Series Master list] - [Next Chapter]
...
I walked the streets of Virginia alone, keeping my head down but my ears wide open. Listening for anyone that sounded anything like Spencer. My Spencer. The light that was stolen because of my inability to keep my head straight. My jealousy getting the better of me.
I knew Spencer was free. They had no murder weapon, or gun powder residue on his fingers. He was a free man until they found some concreate evidence. But they never would because Spencer was careful. But I’d had yet to see him. I knew he was probably trying to lay low, stay out of the eye of the BAU.
But I missed him. I missed the way he held me and the way he made me feel like I’m the only woman on the planet. We loved each other. We loved each other with our entire souls. Twin flames finding their way back to one another after years and years of being apart. I’d felt like I’d known him my entire life.
My soul missed him. My heart cries out for him every night, the darkness swallowing me in sadness and loneliness. I hoped he missed too. I hoped he was looking for me as hard as I was looking for him. Virginia is small, and if we’d met once, we could do it again.
“Watch where you’re going!” The gruff voice bringing me back to the busy sidewalk of D.C. The man was tall, a slight accent catching my attention. His dog sitting by his side. He looked familiar but I couldn’t place where I knew the man.
“I’m so sorry! I was in my head.” I didn’t meet his eyes. Spencer told me to keep my head down and that’s what I was doing. “Did I hurt you?” My voice was small, higher than usual. I tried to play it off as if I was anxious and shy.
“I- no? Um, are you okay? You look a little flustered.” He tried to get me to meet his eyes. And I did, but only for a moment.
I sighed, “no, sir. Thank you. Just been a very long day.” I put my hands in my pockets and the man in front of me stiffens slightly. I find it odd, but I brush it off as paranoia. Plenty of people in D.C. think the government is after them. NSA listening to everything they do and the government stealing rights. The usual American ‘trauma’.
“It’s only seven a.m.” he says as he looks at his watch, keeping me in his peripheral.
“And? I worked all night. I’m sorry for running into you. Have a great day,” I brushed past him, doing my best to not look suspicious. I just wanted to go to bed. My brain begging for the rest it really needed. But sleep was hard without Spencer. Life was hard without Spencer. I needed him. Bad.
...
They let me go.
The BAU had no evidence against me so they were forced to let me go. No weapon, no residue, just wrong place, wrong time. Bad luck. Just like everything else in my life. I saw it in their eyes, the anger, hurt and frustration that I was walking free. I knew that, beyond everything, they were pissed I didn’t give up my pet.
They’d tried and tried for thirty-six fucking hours. Using every tool in the book to get me to break. But they had to of known it wasn’t going to work. I knew that they saw the lack of fear in my eyes.
Threats didn’t matter to me. The only thing that mattered to me was her. Keeping her safe and keeping her away from my former team. She was strong, but she would crack the minute they started lying to her.
I knew what they would say, because I’d say it all.
He’s turning you in right now.
What would your parents think? Make them proud, Y/N.
He doesn’t love you! You’re just a pawn in his game!
Tell us and we can help you!
But they wouldn’t help her. She would go to jail for the rest of her life. And so would I. Death would be easier than going back to prison. It was a last resort for me, though. And for her. I would take us both out before I let them take her to jail.
I walked the streets of D.C. with my eyes down. I did my best to fit in, trying to disguise myself. Even though I’d been cleared, the media attention was hefty. But D.C. people paid more attention to the devices in their hands than they did about others around them. So much for ‘see something? Say something.’
I missed her horribly. I never thought I could miss another person the way I missed, Y/N. Hell, I didn’t even miss my mom this much. Though, that was made easier by the fact that she didn’t even know who I was anymore. She’d lost that memory after the Cat Adams incident, the stress being to much. It got her sick and she deteriorated soon after. If we’re being honest, I wasn’t even sure she was still alive. But then again, if she was dead, the BAU would’ve used it on me.
My thoughts where interrupted by my shoulder hitting another’s. “Ow! Jesus doesn’t anyone-“ I knew that voice anywhere. The tone causing the hair on my neck to stand on end. And I hesitated to look up, afraid I was losing my mind.
But I did it anyway. And I felt the breath be knocked from my lungs and my heart race. I felt the sweat form and time stop. My crumbling world had been put back together in an instant and I had to stop my knees from buckling under me.
“Spencer?” Her voice was soft and watery. Almost the same as the night I’d told her to run.
“Hi, pet. It sure is nice to see you.”
...
Tag list: @eideticsreid  @moondustmemories  @muffin-cup @onlyhereforthefanfics @secretpickleprofessordean @willowrose99 @x2moonlight2x-blog @big_galaxy_chaos @slut-for-mothman @mikewizkalifa @dr-spencerr-reidd @reidsconverse @ssaalexisreid @thisiscalm-andits-doctor @starryeyedvirgosworld @thevirgofangirl @spencersawkward @nova3312 @spencereidat3am @xoxospencerreid  @pancake2603 @spenxerslut @freakyhood96 @mochionly @nichmeddar @measureinpain @oh-what-a-cutie @withasideofmeg @totallyclearwitch @dracomalfoysfavoritewhore @vaella1821 @buckysgirl101 @flipperpenguins @manuosorioh @archiveofadragon @rosienie @hellowh0re4mgg @luvofyourlifeliv @doctorspenceryeet @darlingisntit @ilovespencerreidmarryme @spencer-reid-am-i-right @1800-olivia-rodrigo @sassymoon @nomajdetective @shemarmooresfedora @spideygenius @g0lden-cth @breadqueen95 @hufflepuffhaze @doctcr-reid @meganskane @writingintheroses @thisismynerdyself
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laurensprentiss · 2 years
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Hi me again! You mentioned acts of service as Hotch’s love language, do you think you could answer this ask with examples of when he’s shown love with the other love languages? Sorry if this is annoying, I’m bored and I just like hearing what you have to say :-)
This isn’t annoying! My sleep schedule is very wack rn so it’s nice to have to smth to do but I never find my anons annoying so you’re all good to come to my inbox whenever you feel like it!
I really love the concept of this ask, so I’ll try my best to answer this and please anyone seeing this feel free to add on with examples of our man! Note: these are not necessarily examples of romantic love, I just love the way he shows love!
1. Words of affirmation:
Hotch reassuring Garcia that she didn’t let him down in 6x04 after she takes on the role of liaison following JJ’s departure.
Hotch again telling Garcia the work she does for the team is appreciated and she’s an invaluable member of the team after she takes a case particularly hard in 4x19.
Telling JJ that she should take her time with baby Michael and while she’s absolutely missed, should enjoy her time as a new mom again in 11x01.
Hotch’s moment with Emily in 7x12 when he tells her that he wants him to make a deal with her, and tell him when she’s having a bad day.
Also because I’m feeling a little mean, when he tells Haley that they’ll catch Foyet, she’ll come back and he’ll spend the rest of his life making it up to her.
2. Acts of service:
The most obvious one, wiping the blood from Elle’s apartment in 2x01 after she was shot by the Fisher King.
Paying for Roy and Jessica’s apartment in 10x20 after finding out that he’d have to go into assisted living.
Dropping everything to come when Reid called in a panic when he was scared about Maeve in 8x12.
Coming to the prison so Morgan wouldn’t have to go see Buford alone in 8x18.
Pulling all the strings in the world for Emily in 4x17 by calling the Vatican and giving her closure for Matthew.
3. Gift giving:
This one is a little harder, and the only thing that comes to mind is how he sent Garcia flowers on Gideon’s behalf after he was assy with her in 1x12. Feel free to add on!
4. Quality time:
Spending time with the team in Alex’s childhood home in 9x11.
Coming to Garcia’s Día de los Muertos gathering in 9x06.
Being the one to suggest and coming to Rossi’s pasta night in 7x02.
JJ’s wedding in 7x24.
Going for drinks with the team in 2x14 and countless other team dinners and parties.
Spending the evening with Garcia when she was anxious about the Dirty Dozen and offering to chop ingredients while she made omelettes for them in 11x09.
5. Physical touch:
Aside from the physical touch he exhibits with Beth, Haley and Jack throughout the show, hugging Reid after the Hankel ordeal in 2x15.
Hugging Morgan after Hank was born in 11x18.
Hugging JJ when she came back from maternity leave in 11x07.
And THE best and warmest hug given to Kate after she decided she wanted to leave in 10x23.
Please feel free to add on any you think I missed or with any of your thoughts too!!
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boldlyvoid · 3 years
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ain't it fun? | part 4
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Summary: reader just needs an NA meeting before they have a meltdown, they end up with the best friend they could ever make.
Warnings: chronic illness, hurt/comfort, drug use**! spencer and reader smoke weed together; talks of relapse and recovery. Also, a case involving child abductions, getting engaged, love confessions
word count: 2.4k
a/n: not sure how long this is going to keep getting but I am enjoying adding to it
P1 P2 P3
Days like today suck.
She can’t get out of bed, she’s so hungry her stomach is swirling and screaming and there’s a pain in her intestines that feels like someone is eating her from the inside out but she can’t move… and she has to pee but her legs hurt and her head is pounding from the light. It’s 6 am according to the alarm clock, Spencer hasn’t left for work yet and she’s already missing him.
She manages to make it to the bathroom, sitting there for too long after because she can’t find the courage to stand back up.
“Why?” She whispers to herself before the tears start.
Covering her face as she cries, she’s still sitting on the toilet with her underwear around her ankles, sobbing as Spencer walks in.
He helps her up without asking, he’s seen too many bad mornings now to ask if she needs help, he just knows she wants to go back to bed, so he fixes her underwear and picks her up.
When he finally lays her down with all her pillows, he lowers the temperature in the room to relax her bones and gets her a ginger ale to help with the nausea from the pain she’s in. It is a regular occurrence for her to wake up and feel like she’s dying, but Spencer was wonderful when dealing with it.
He’s in the kitchen for a while, she’s worried he’s making something for her to eat that she’ll have to lovingly turn away because she can’t do it right now. Her throat is too tight and it hurts to swallow or talk.
She can hear him talking… he’s on the phone with someone.
When he comes back in, he cuddles into her the way he knows she likes. Soothing his hands over her back in a way that helps the pain while also helping her feel like she’s not alone in all of this. He’ll never understand; but he loves her, so a part of him feels it too.
“You called out?” She whispers against his chest.
He nods, his cheek resting on the top of her head as she feels the friction. “I don’t feel good when you don’t feel good.”
“I’m sorry you had to help.”
He’s told her time and time again that he doesn’t mind.
He would kill for her, he’d clean up the mess if she killed someone. He’d even dig the fucking grave if she needed him too… he wasn’t opposed to being there for her no matter what that entailed.
She just hated the fact he had to, he knew her apology came from her hatred of herself and not the fact she felt sorry for him. She loved the help, it made her feel loved until she felt disappointed in herself for needing it.
“Do you want your medicine?”
She smiles finally, “if you mean my secret joint stash— yes, but if you can’t handle being around me like that, then I don’t need it today.”
“I think I’d like to try it,” Spencer whispers. “If you can smoke weed and not relapse then I think I can too?”
“Probably, but if you can’t, I’ll support you however you need me to?” She smiles up at him, he kisses the tip of her nose as she kisses his chin.
Getting high with Spencer is… interesting to say the least. He doesn’t want a full hit, he just wants a taste and so she takes a drag and blows the smoke from her lungs to his. Sharing a part of themselves in a way they never expected before, this is his most vulnerable moment and he was trusting her with it.
The sunshine hits his face in such a perfect way that as they lay side by side, she can watch his pupil devour his iris as he gets high. Their breathing is steady and their fingers are interlocked. They’re content just blinking together, in the sunshine, quiet. In love.
Her body is so calm, and her mind is slow as she takes it all in and he looks so relaxed. He’s not jittery or caffeine-deprived like most mornings; he’s not anxious or stressed or trying to find a way to pretend he’s fine before leaving for work again, only to come home sad.
He’s okay.
She’s okay.
“It's nice,” he whispers, “but it’s not as good as you.”
She smiles, trying not to laugh at how his thoughts are going to be all jumbled for the next few hours. He’s going to be smart yet stupid at the same time and she couldn’t fucking wait to hear all the things he thinks of.
“I know what you mean,” she agrees.
“This is like a tidal wave..." his ramble starts and she is so excited to see where it takes them. "A tsunami that rushes and relieves just as quickly." His eyes are closed as he talks, visualizing his feelings and it makes her giddy.
"You’re like a volcano; there are so many stages before mass destruction, and even then there’s still the ash cloud and the debris and the lava dries like rocks… the destruction is total and the cleanup will be brutal.”
“I’m addicted to you," his eyes are closed as he talks, visualizing his feelings and it makes her giddy. "Drugs are boring and you’re not,” Simplifying his meaning as his eyes open again.
“I love you,” he says with the same certainty as the first time.
“I love you, too, Spencer,” she didn’t think they’d go down this path when she was blowing into his mouth, she expected him to panic or get horny.
“I don’t think I’ve ever really told you how much.”
He shakes his head lightly, “I wouldn’t be opposed to knowing.”
If she thinks it over, she’ll abandon ship before she can tell him, so she just jumps into it.
“I was a little scared to ask you to help me lock my door that first day because I thought you’d think I was just some junky who couldn’t get their shit together. But the second you asked if I had a local group and you helped me; that was the moment I knew I wanted you in my life for forever.”
He smiles, silent so she can keep going. He’ll take his turn when she’s really done.
“And then when we got to talking it was like I knew you already. Like I had your memories in my mind and as you told me things I was like well duh! Yeah, that’s my Spencer! I don’t know how it happened so fast. One minute you’re a stranger and the next you’re the only person I ever want to see for the rest of my entire fucking life,” it’s more passionate than she expected as she rambles on.
“I can’t get married on paper without losing my disability, but I don’t give a fuck about a piece of paper or someone officially giving us that title one day, I’m content just staying in this bed with you for the rest of time and never moving again.”
He looks like he’s about to explode with love as he presses his lips together in the softest smile. He can’t keep quiet any longer, “are you asking me to spend the rest of my life with you but not marry you?”
She laughs at the realization, “I think so?”
They’re trying to kiss but it ends up more like laughing with their mouths touching and teeth occasionally clashing. It’s hysterical because of the marijuana, sure, but they’re high on each other. It’s everything they’ve ever wanted.
To find something better than drugs; that little purpose in life comes back, that drive to see tomorrow because there are good memories to be made with their favourite person. She’s not afraid of the darkness or the unknowing anymore, Spencer’s her guiding light.
He's holding her close to his chest after a while, "are you feeling better?"
"Of course," she smiles, "I've got my weed and my reid."
His laugh is everything as it fills their space again. This was how the rest of her life was going to feel, and it made her excited for tomorrow.
She’s feeling a lot better later and they need Spencer to help Penelope back at work, but he doesn’t want to leave her. She’s in sweats with a blanket on her lap in the corner of Penelope’s office, a book in her hand and a coffee on the table beside her as she listens to them bicker back and forth.
“If you hack the NSA we can no longer use all this as evidence if he’s brought in alive, Penelope!” Spencer whisper shouts at her, afraid to raise his voice at her but wanting to get his point across.
“Hotch needs the aerial shots like yesterday, and the NSA won't get them to us in time for this kid!” She yells back.
“Call google…” Y/N suggests, flipping through her book.
“What?” Spencer looks at her like she just said the dumbest thing ever.
“They’re taking photos constantly for their maps program, my mom was saying our new roof is now on the updated map. They might have all the photos saved up, if the FBI asks nicely they might work with you…” she explains, pressing her lips together in a tight smile.
“You’re a genius!” Penelope shouts, dialling the phone and getting JJ to work his media magic for contact at google.
Spencer's smile is one she hasn’t seen before, he’s not only proud of her; he looks a little turned on. She just cracked the case by knowing all the little hacks about the internet as part of her day job. She lived online, and now she was saving lives because of it.
It was a good case to help on, she got to see 3 kids go home to their parents and know a terrible man was going to rot in prison for the rest of his sad and pathetic life. The hard part was seeing them go through months of footage of this guy's yard, seeing the child-sized holes he dug up. The disrupted earth and the knowledge of what happened when there wasn’t picture proof.
They go to a meeting after work.
They sit side by side, her leg is crossed and resting over his knee as their arms are linked and fingers interlocked. They really couldn’t be any closer if they tried. They just wanted to listen today, to know they were in a room of people who were trying, people who understood and battled every bad feeling they did.
“Y/N,” the group leader calls her out just before the end of the meeting, “it’s nice to see you back here with Spencer, we heard you found another group but it’s nice to see you here for the support.”
“Thank you,” she smiled. “I’m sorry I couldn’t stay, but as you can see he is distracting.” She gestured to how they were sitting with a small giggle. “I like coming here if you guys don’t mind me occasionally dropping by?”
“By all means,” another member, carol, spoke up. “Spencer is a great sponsor, it’s nice to see him happy.”
She didn’t know he was a sponsor but he thanks her for the compliment, it turns out almost everyone in his group turned to Spencer for support. It was comforting to everyone there to know the real, chemical and biological reasoning behind their addictions. Spencer provided a sense of calm for all of them, like a younger brother; they all loved him dearly.
They’re still holding hands as they walk home, the sun is still setting and it's barely even 7 pm. All the lights on the street are on, shops are closing and the sidewalks are bare. One store is still open however, across the street, she can see the big storefront window, illuminated with the brightest lights to show off a new collection of rings.
“Do you want one?” He notices her eyes darting to the light like a moth to a flame.
“What?” She zones back in when he stops walking.
“A ring, do you want to get one?” He clarifies with the softest voice.
She nods softly, “you should get one too though, seeing as I asked you and everything.”
He grips her hand tighter and they dart across the street. Giggling like children running to the playground, they’re almost out of breath from laughing as they open the shop door with a ding. Smiles on their faces, joy in their hearts, it makes the shop owner swoon as she sees them.
“Did you just get engaged?” She pries with a knowing smile.
They nod, “we just need some rings,” Y/N adds.
She waves them over, “well I’m going to need our sizes first, here try these on.” She hands them what looks like a thin ruler with holes spaces out.
Y/N attempts to find the right one, fitting the best into the 9 and a half. Spencer fits into the 11 on the first try like he knew already and the woman just laughs at the way Y/N glares at him with love.
“What kind of rings are we thinking? Do you have a preferred cut, style, size, or colour?”
It’s a lot all at once and she’s never really thought about it, “I love my grandma's ring, do you have any vintage styles?”
“I have vintage-style rings as well as some restored rings from the '20s and '30s,” she brings out a jewellery box from under the counter. “These are all appraised and unique.”
When she takes the lid off, Y/N’s eyes widen at the view. There are at least 50 rings in their velvet beds as they wait patiently to be tried on; all different shapes sizes and colours like she said. It feels a little overwhelming at first but then her eyes land on a green one. She takes it out slowly and slides it over her ring finger.
It’s perfect.
Spencer picks out a nice gold band to match, he pays and the lady is so happy to watch them leave hand in hand with their new rings. Dedicated to each other forever and ever, he was her person for the rest of time because he said so and that’s as good as a piece of paper.
She’s a completely different person from who she was when she woke up; twirling down the street with the love of her life, high on loving him as he makes her laugh and holds her hand. He stops in the middle of the street and places his hands on her cheeks, drawing her in closer.
“Loving you is so much fun.”
“Ain’t it fun?” She agrees with a smile before pressing their lips together.
taglist:
@g0lden-cth @doctorspenceryeet @samuel-de-champagne-problems @reiding-recs @ssavanessa22 @spookyspence @shemarmooresfedora @spencers-dria@reidsfish @manuosorioh @mochionly @jswessie187 @k-k0129 @calm-and-doctor
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alisonsfics · 3 years
Text
Guilty and Ashamed
Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader
Request: “Hey, what do you think of angst where Bau!reader discovers that she is pregnant when Reid goes to prison, but she ends up having an abortion, and one night after Spencer returns home, he finds reader is in the room crying and she tells him about the abortion and that she had not told before because she felt guilty and Spencer comforts her.” - @paulaern
Word Count: 1.7k
Warnings: abortion, depressive thoughts, extreme guilt
You were sitting in your bathroom, crying. Looking down at the pregnancy test in your hand, you were overwhelmed with emotion. You were equally ecstatic and terrified. You and Spencer had been dating for about four years now and you both always talked about wanting to start a family.
Now that that day was here, you were so nervous to tell Spencer. What if he wasn’t ready? What if it was bad timing? What if he had changed his mind? There were so many questions floating around your head, you knew what you had to do.
You grabbed your keys and you decided you were going to drive to Quantico to tell him right away. He deserved to know, even if made you a little anxious.
You got into your car and before you started driving, you glanced down and saw that your phone was ringing. It was Emily.
She had grown to be like a sister to you. Spencer had of course introduced the two of you, and you had gotten along great.
You pressed the answer button. “Hey Em, what’s up?” You asked her, you noticed that you still had a big smile on your face from finding out about your pregnancy.
You tried to act cool and collected, if you didn’t, Emily would know something was up in a second.
“Y/N...it’s— it’s about Spencer” she said, hesitantly. You could hear the dread in her voice.
You had a million possibilities running through your head of what it could be. What if he was hurt?
“What do you mean? Emily, what’s wrong with Spencer?” You asked, panic in your voice. You saw your future flash before your eyes. You prayed with every fiber of your being that Spencer was okay and he wasn’t hurt.
“Y/N, Spencer got arrested” Emily said, sympathetically. You could hear ringing in your ears. You had no idea what that meant, or how long that meant Spencer would be away from you.
Emily explained the whole thing to you and assured you that she was always there for you. She hung up the phone and then you broke down sobbing in your car.
You couldn’t believe what Emily had told you. Spencer was in prison and you had no idea when you would see him again, or if you would see him again.
You looked down at your lap, and you remembered the life that was growing inside your stomach. Your heart broke. For the first time in your life, you felt completely lost. You didn’t know what to do.
Two weeks later, you decided to get an abortion. You didn’t think you could have cared for a child all your own. If you were going to be a mother, you needed Spencer by your side.
You never gave up hope on Spencer. You went down to the prison and talked to him twice a week. You would fill him in on everything new in your life.
The one thing you never told him about was the abortion or the pregnancy. You don’t know why you didn’t tell him, you just couldn’t bring yourself to do it.
You always put on a brave face for Spencer, you didn’t want him to think you were weak in any way. So you put a smile on your face and you told him how much you loved him and that you would see him soon.
But, almost every time you left the prison, you broke down in your car. The one thing you wanted more than anything in the world was to hold Spencer in your arms. Even if it was just for a moment.
You were sitting at home, sending your boss an email, when your phone began to ring. You glanced down at it and you saw that it was Emily.
You quickly answered the phone and put it to your ear. “Emily! How are you?” You asked, putting on a cheery front. You hadn’t really been truly happy since Spencer had been arrested.
“We did it! We did it, Y/N! Your boy is coming home!” Emily said, excitedly. You almost dropped the phone. You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. You jumped up out of your chair and started tearing up.
“Please tell me you’re serious” you begged Emily. “I promise, three weeks from today” she exclaimed. “I can’t believe this, this is the best day of my life” you told her, screaming in excitement. You started jumping around, not knowing how to contain your excitement.
You didn’t sleep for those three weeks, you were too excited. Spencer was finally going to come back home. He would be back, safe in your arms.
You would be able to tell him you loved him, without a security guard present. And you could let him hold you. And you could kiss him. And you could fall asleep in his arms. Everything was going to perfect again, you just knew it.
Nine months. Four days. And thirteen hours.
That is how long it had been since you had last seen Spencer. You were waiting outside the prison with the rest of the team. You could tell your excitement was obvious.
Then you saw him. He was walking out with two security guards. You couldn’t stop the tears that were welling up in your eyes. You had never been so excited to see someone, in your whole life.
He walked over to the group of you and Derek immediately enveloped him in a hug. “It’s good to have you back, brother” he said, holding Spencer tightly. You had ended up behind most of the team, probably not even visible to Spencer.
“Someone else is here to see you too, Spence” Emily said, laying a hand on Spencer’s arm. The whole team moved out of your way.
As soon as Spencer’s eyes landed on you, you felt your heart swell. You both just looked at each other for a second, and then you ran into his arms. He wrapped his arms around you tightly.
You buried your head in his neck. You were afraid that if you let go of him, that he would disappear.
“I’ve missed you so much” he said, his voice cracking. You just held onto him tighter. Eventually, the two of you pulled away, but Spencer kept his arm wrapped around your waist. He kept you right by his side as he said hello to everyone again.
Emily had offered to drive the two of you home and you gladly accepted. You both got into the backseat, holding onto each other the entire way home.
For the next month, Spencer and you were attached at the hip. You both took some time off of work and just enjoyed spending time with each other.
It had been four months since Spencer had come home, and things were back to normal. Spencer was on his way home from work, he had texted you telling you that he had picked up some Chinese food for the both of you.
You were sitting at home when the news channel you were watching, switched to a story about a local baby that had been born on the plane. The baby had been named after the flight attendant who helped deliver the baby.
Then, for the first time since Spencer had been back home, you thought about the abortion. You had been so busy with Spencer being back home that you hadn’t given it a thought.
You realized that you still hadn’t told Spencer. You felt cruel and manipulative. He deserved to know, it was his baby too. You didn’t think it was right to keep it from him.
Then you started to think about what he would say when you told him. What if he got mad? What if he felt like you violated his trust? What if he left you?
You started to spiral, and you ended up in your bathroom, sobbing. You didn’t even hear the front door open, when Spencer arrived at home.
Even though you didn’t hear him, he heard your sobs, coming from the bathroom. He threw the food down on the table and ran towards the bathroom.
He walked into the doorway and saw you, sitting all curled up on the floor. He didn’t have any idea what happened.
He sat down right next to you. “Are you okay? Are you hurt?” Spencer asked you, simultaneously looking to see if he saw any injuries.
“You’re going to be so mad at me” you said, barely above a whisper. His facial expression softened and he held your hands in his. “I promise, I won’t be mad at you. Just tell me what’s going on, sweetheart” he said, softly.
“The day you got arrested, I found out I was pregnant. And then I lost you and everything around me was spiraling and I didn’t know how to care for a baby. So I got an abortion, and I’m sorry I never told you. I should have talked to you about it. I just didn’t know how to bring it up. And I just started thinking about how wrong that was to you. And I’m so so sorry” you told him, through the tears.
You saw him take in what you said, and begin to process it. “I am not mad at you, Y/N” he said, endearingly. He brushed some of your hair behind your ear.
“But I never told you about it, and we could’ve had a family. And it’s all my fault that we don’t” you said, guiltily. “Hey, who says we can’t still have a family. We can still have kids, or a dog, or whatever you want. Even if it’s just us, me and you are a family. I love you more than anything in the world. And I know I have put you through hell for the last year, and I’m sorry for that. But I don’t want you to feel guilty at all. Nothing you did was wrong. And I love you” he said, leaning in and kissing you.
“I love you too” you said, wiping your tears away from your eyes. “Now come on, let’s go eat” he said, helping you up off the floor.
taglist: @reniescarlett @thelovelyrose @shyinadarkplace @azghedaheda @meowiemari @averyhotchner @katerinaval @millipop18 @airiloveskuromi-chan @k-k0129 @ssareidbby
Let me know if you want to be added to my taglist for all my imagines or for a specific character!!
Requests OPEN
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hotchscotchh · 3 years
Note
How bout Luke and Spence's first kiss 😳
Replacements & Kisses
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Summary: Spencer isn’t sure want to make of Luke Alvez
Pairing: Luke Alvez x Spencer Reid, implied Emily Prentiss x Penelope Garcia
Warnings: referenced drinking, implied NSFW, post prison Reid, some whump but mostly fluff :).
Word count: 1.3k
Read on AO3
His life wasn’t supposed to go like this. Spencer was suffering from PTSS. That much was obvious, and honestly expected after what he had gone through. The man had been to hell and back with his whole prison experience. Being accused in the first place. Watching the only person that was even remotely friendly die in front of him. And if that wasn’t enough, the second he was released he was thrown into a case, which just happened to be that of his missing mother. Finding out that the hitman he put away was behind all of it was just the icing on top of the cake.
And if that, too, wasn’t enough, just weeks later Emily was kidnapped. Steven Walker died. With all this bullshit going on, Spencer realized that the people he wanted to comfort him most were gone. Well, they weren’t gone, but they were no longer a part of the BAU. And that was as good as gone. Derek Morgan had his wife and son, another baby on the way, he couldn’t bother him. He didn’t want to be a burden. He honestly didn’t know where Aaron Hotchner was. The man was in WitSec and then seemingly dropped off the face of the earth.
Of course, he still had JJ. Garcia. Emily. Tara. Rossi. And he took advantage of that, spending time with JJ, Will, and their children, geeking out with Garcia, just being with Emily (she has something about her that can make just sitting in silence together distracting), having debates and academic discussions with Tara, he was welcome in Rossi’s mansion (including his expansive library) any time of day (or night).
Then there’s Luke. Spencer’s still not sure what to make of the man. He knows he’s just Derek’s replacement as the “muscle” of the group, and Spencer doesn’t think he wants a new Derek. He wants his best friend back, not this “newbie,” as Garcia calls him. He just doesn’t fit. And it might be all in Spencer’s head. He might just be averse to the change and refusing to accept it. (He is.)
He slowly learns that Luke Alvez is not the man he appears to be. Spencer expected a man full of toxic masculinity, a god complex because of his strength, just another big, strong man with a big, strong ego. That wasn’t the case. Luke Alvez was completely secure in his masculinity, humble, sweet, kind, caring, and absolutelyridiculouslyincrediblygorgeous. Not that Spencer would ever admit it out loud. But Spencer Reid isn’t exactly subtle.
JJ cornered him in Garcia’s office one day when she had left them together in a flurry to tell Emily something about an ad she saw about the show they both watch. They were sitting in extra chairs that Garcia had, drinking coffee (away from the equipment, of course), and enjoying a companionable silence. Said silence was broken when suddenly JJ looked up at him, eyes wide, and declared, “You have a crush on Luke.”
Spencer spluttered for a moment, “W-what? I- I have no idea what you’re talking about, JJ.” JJ gave him one of those “don’t act like I’m stupid, I can see straight through you,” looks. He caved. “Fine, okay, maybe I think he’s a little-” (another one of those looks) “okay, maybe I find him extremely attractive.”
JJ smirked. “Of course you do, have you ever looked at him? What else do you like about him?”
Spencer just sat there for a moment, thinking. “He’s nice. He’s not at all like I thought he was going to be. He’s intuitive and smart, and- and he called me out on my PTSS once. I respect him for that. He’s been helping me out with it ever since. His dog’s pretty great too.”
JJ’s expression morphed into a sad smile. “Oh, Spence. I think you should just go for it. Tell him how you feel. He wouldn’t react badly, even if he didn’t return the feelings, though I’m pretty sure he does.”
“You- you think he likes me, too?” Spencer asked, a slightly giddy smile on his face. JJ didn’t offer an answer. “JJ, I don’t even know if he likes men. I can’t even imagine how embarrassed I’d be if I said something, and he-” Spencer cut himself off. “I don’t want to think about that. Besides, workplace relationships are strictly prohibited. And homosexuality isn’t exactly something the FBI jumps to defend.”
“Spencer,” JJ said softly, effectively cutting off his ramble. “Do you really think anyone in the BAU would rat you out? I can’t imagine anyone but us finding out about it. And I think I have a way for us to find out if he likes men”
----
That’s where they are now. Executing JJ’s ridiculous plan to get Luke drunk and have him spill all his secrets. It wasn’t going very well. He declared himself the designated driver fairly early on in the night, and hadn’t even had a beer. He and Spencer were the only members of their team that were even remotely sober. Emily and Penelope were grinding together on the dance floor (they thought the rest of the team didn’t know about their relationship, for whatever reason), Rossi and Tara were having a drunken conversation a booth over, JJ and Matt were off playing darts, which left Spencer and Luke alone in a corner booth of a too crowded bar with music thumping so loudly the bass made their table vibrate.
Spencer had expected it to be awkward, but the conversation flowed easily. Luke had steadily been moving closer to Spencer over the course of the night, and now they were nearly pressed together in the corner of that booth. “You know,” Spencer started after a brief lull in the conversation. “The point of tonight was to get you drunk and have you spill all your secrets, but here you are, stone cold sober.”
Luke laughed at that. “What secrets were you hoping to find out?”
Spencer blushed and looked down where his fingers had begun an anxious dance in their spot on the table. He had decided earlier that night that if Luke wasn’t going to get drunk, then he was just going to say fuck it and ask the man straight out. “I- it’s dumb. Never mind.”
“Aw, Spence,” Luke answered, causing Spencer to blush even redder at the nickname. “Now I really want to know. Anything that comes out of your genius brain can’t be dumb.”
Spencer took a deep breath, trying to steady himself before he said something he assumed he would quickly regret. He opened his mouth to speak and looked up at Luke, but when they made eye contact, it was like Spencer’s brain just stopped working. He forgot all of the words he was planning on saying, all he could think about was how much he wanted to kiss this man.
So, he did. There in that corner booth, vibrating table and all. I don’t want to say it was magical, because that’s kind of cliché and nondescriptive, but it was. It was all the clichés. Fireworks. Butterflies in his stomach. And then Luke started kissing back, and it was even better. It was soft and sweet, everything Spencer had expected.
They drove some of their drunken team members home, having to call a cab for the rest as there wasn’t enough room in the car. They soon found themselves making out with Spencer pressed up against the inside of Luke’s apartment door before they fell into bed together. Spencer would be lying if he said that wasn’t magical too, or that Luke Alvez wasn’t a damn good replacement.
Taglist: @multixfandomwriter @doctorenby @sbeno22 @marsjareau @translukealvez
The form!
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witchyfrankincense · 3 years
Text
La Méprise (part three)
Spencer Reid x fem!Reader
Summary: You start history with Spencer Reid in your university auditorium.
Warnings: violence, fight, reminding of trauma, season 13 spoilers, prof!Spencer, student!Reader, suggestive.
❁❁❁❁❁❁
Like clockwork, Spencer had turned around faster than you realized no one was following your steps next to you. Your heart dropped more than it already had as you understood that there was something, some nick, that you had failed to catch. But maybe you were the lost one here?
It seemed like Spencer had no doubts about his forthcoming actions – you watched him take quick, aggressive strides towards Mike. Seconds later, his tensed fist made contact with Mike's face. Spencer's act made you jump. Your usual first instinct would have been to yell, to interfere. But this time you didn't.
Right after the action, Mike was angrily pushed against the wall.
"You should stop talking," Spencer mumbled, angrily shoving him at the wall for the second time, pulling the man by his bunched-up jacket. Mike let out a pained groan and scoffed, later inhaling a deep breath of air. "Okay," he spat out. "Okay. Man."
"If you ever even look at me again," Spencer spoke, a harsher than usual undertone in his voice. However, soon after, he just went silent, staring at Mike for a few more moments before releasing him from his grip. You breathed out, shoulders dropping. You felt tiredness wash over you, obvious from all the stupidly scary events that had just happened.
After seeing Spencer turn back around and start walking towards you, you nodded and turned away from the sight of Mike silently chuckling and wiping his bloody nose. You opened the door. The fresh breeze of the outside air lifted your mood and you took a wide step outside.
"Can you still walk with me?" your voice reached both of yours' ears after you closed the door. "Oh, yeah. I'll join the team later," he replied, glancing in your direction. You both went quiet, still walking, Spencer seemingly following your lead of way. "Thank you," you suddenly muttered, placing your hands into your jacket pockets.
"Hm?" Spencer replied to your unexpected gratitude. You let out a small sigh, looking down at your synced-up footsteps. "Thank you for doing that. I would've punched the bitch myself, but, you know," you softly spoke. He smiled. "I'm not...usually a puncher," he weakly mumbled, shoving his hands into his pant pockets.
"I could've guessed," you joked, instantly frowning on yourself. "It's, not like you, you know, look like you wouldn't be able to, uh, punch someone, I was just—,"
"Joking. Yeah. To be fair, I agree," Spencer finished for you, making your shoulders drop in relief. You both let out chuckles. Continuing to walk down the asphalt path, you looked around the university campus. "Yeah, I usually take the bus to university. Quicker that way. I don't have the ability, nor want to sprint here at 8 a.m. Though, I enjoy a walk sometimes," you craned your neck to his side, sharing a random daily life thought. He nodded, straightening his shoulders.
"That is very true, actually, did you know that walks are extremely good for your well-being? Just 30 minutes every day can increase cardiovascular fitness, strengthen bones, reduce excess body fat, and boost muscle power and endurance. It can also reduce your risk of developing conditions such as, uh, heart disease, type 2 diabetes, osteoporosis and some cancers. Unlike some other forms of exercise, walking is, you know, free and doesn't require any special equipment or training," he finished talking, glancing at you brightly. You raised your eyebrows in shock and cheered.
"Wow! Spencer—,' you stopped, realizing your lack of knowledge about his last name. "Reid," he mumbled back, continuing to walk. "—Spencer Reid, the fact machine! Hey, buddy, does that head ever get too heavy for you?" you laughed out, crossing your arms and raising your head. "Hey," he mocked your tone, "That, is downright mean," he raised his voice playfully, his eyebrows furrowing.
You both bickered as you rounded the corner. And, you continued talking while walking down the lonely road. And while you pointed out the apartment building you were staying at.
And when you both said goodbyes after he had led you to the building door, a creeping feeling of awe kept trying to make you fall – to slip down the very stairs you built.
Five days later
Thursday.
"Spencer?"
Three mornings. After the boringly passed weekend, you had spent the last three mornings walking into the auditorium and longingly glancing at the seats – hoping to see the familiar curly-haired persona. But you never did, as each time you looked up, the seat was empty. Had you scared him off? Or maybe he thought you were weird? Many questions swarmed your mind constantly, and, well, there was really no hope of distracting it. Because the only person who could, wasn't showing up.
On the blessed fourth day, you walked into campus, sipping your new-bought iced latte with caramel, dressed in dashing black baggy jeans and 90's-esque top with a bunch of shiny silver jewelry all over your neck and hands, not expecting anything to be different. Because you got it, you understood – obviously he had a job to do, a terrifyingly important one, at that, and going to these lectures and meeting you was just a side mission – a pastime.
However, as you were making your way to the door, you noticed him – Spencer, standing near the entrance.
"Spencer? Hey, you're back," you exclaimed, quickly swallowing your sip of coffee and smiling. He returned the smile, nodding. "I am, uh, I had a bunch of cases, so, didn't really have time," he spoke, joining your stride to the door. "No, it's all good, Spence. I get it. Your job is extremely important, and I definitely don't expect you to, you know, always be here." Seconds later, you mentally cursed at yourself after realizing your accidental use of a nickname instead of his full name. "Shit—, sorry, I called you Spence," you pointed out quietly, glancing at him to watch his reaction. He, however, gave none.
"It's okay—you know, this teammate of mine, JJ, she's my best friend—, she also calls me Spence, so, yeah, you can, if you want," he mumbled out, a smile playing on his lips. "Wow, didn't know you had a girl best friend! I bet she's super cool," your voice rose in slight excitement.
You realized that you both had stopped walking.
"She is," Spencer replied wholeheartedly, smiling. His eyes then dropped down to your outfit. "You look pretty today, by the way," he pointed out, seconds later turning back to face the entrance and beginning to walk forward. Your mouth hung open in slight shock and it took you a good second to catch your expression, shake your head and speed walk towards Spencer.
He complimented you.
"Thank you," you mumbled after catching up to him, flashing him a grateful smile. He nodded. "You know, there's something I want to tell you," he suddenly spoke up, his lowered tone making your heart drop for no other reason than worry. "What is it?" you instantly asked, grasping the handle of your bag.
"Oh," Spencer lightly laughed, glancing at your direction. "It's nothing bad, I promise. I mean—I'll just tell you. I'll be in temporary teaching at this university," he mumbled. You raised your eyebrows, aiming your gaze at the ground. "Really? That's cool," you answered, smiling through your words. "So, you'll be my professor?" you blurted out a thought, regretting it a moment later.
"Yeah," Spencer chuckled back, looking at you. "Guess I will."
Butterflies suddenly erupted in your stomach, and your expression changed as you realized that. Shut up, you softies. You had no idea why you felt so warm out of the sudden, as all you did was think about Spencer being your professor.
Spencer being your professor? Did you have some weird professor and student fantasy?
You subconsciously shook your head and continued walking in silence alongside Spencer, deep in thought. However, a moment later your inner mind light bulb lit up and you lifted your head up, straightening your posture. "Wait, what trained FBI team member takes up temporary teaching for some inexperienced students?" you asked, shooting him a quick look. You saw him tense up, visibly sighing. He looked at you and weakly smiled.
"I really wished you hadn't asked me that," he muttered and you frowned. "Oh—I'm sorry, I didn't—,"
"It's okay. You have the right to know. I've—uh, I've been to prison. Falsely accused," he began, nervously correcting himself after noticing your intense stare. The both of you blinked in shock – you because of Spencer's sudden confession, him – probably because of the same thing.
"Of what?" you asked carefully. Spencer swallowed. "Multiple drug possession. Suspicion of drug distribution. Murder of Nadie Ramos," he muttered quietly. You felt your eyebrows furrow, mind running through all possibilities. "Oh."
"I was framed. But I still spent almost three months there. It was, uh, bad," he whispered, his voice barely audible. "I'm sorry," you replied, feeling at a loss of appropriate words. Spencer quickly shook his head, smiling. "You don't have to be. That's why I'm teaching. I was recommended to do it. It's like a...break, I guess."
You returned his smile, looking back at the ground. "You start today?"
"Yeah."
You began walking through the corridors, making your way to the auditorium. "I bet you'll make a great professor," you quietly exclaimed, watching his somewhat anxious expression shift into a softer one. He chuckled. "Thank you. I hope I'll live up to your expectations." "You will," you muttered almost instantly, voice higher. Once again, seconds later regretting even opening your mouth. Spencer laughed again. Walking through, Spencer pushed the already open door further, stopping so you'd walk first. You thankfully nodded back to him and smiled. "Go sit," he suddenly mumbled behind you and you felt him place his warm hand on your bare lower back, softly pushing you towards the seats.
You inhaled harshly, barely containing the need to arch beneath his hand, and quickly nodded, hurrying to the stairs. Spencer visibly grinned behind you.
Hopelessly ignoring your previous spot, you hurried to the second aisle, quietly hoping that the seat you chose wasn't taken. After all, you were fully ready to support Spencer on his new-found teaching, you obviously knew him more than the other students.
"Hello, uh, my name is Spencer Reid," he started, voice raising on his last name. The others quickly settled down, slightly interested in their new professor. He was easy on the eyes. You grinned to yourself, still gazing at him. Apparently, Spencer did indeed feel your stare at him, so he looked back, a smile beginning to play on his lips as he breathed in. Moments after, he began going on about a whole cluster of themes and subjects he had decided to teach you all. You failed to take your eyes of him.
<>
"Yes! So, this'll be it for today, don't forget to buy or get that book from somewhere else because it shares extremely good opinions and is very important for your understanding of what we're going through! And have a great day!" Spencer raised his voice to express his last thoughts to majority of the students who were already getting up from their seats and heading towards the exit door. You stayed, a wide smile on your lips as you noticed him glance at the leaving students with brighter than usual eyes. You stood up, fetching your bag and dropping it on your seat. You slowly walked towards Spencer, him finally looking back at you.
"See, you were great, Professor Reid," you jokingly exclaimed, seeing him laugh while packing his belongings behind the desk. "Thank you, Y/N, guess I am pretty great at teaching. I just, I don't know, felt as if you were all so interested in what I was speaking about, so, yeah, that was pretty great," he expressed, running his hand through his fluffy hair.
Your eyes subconsciously traced his hand, cheeks somewhat heating up, and you smiled. "Yeah, we were all pretty into your teaching. It's cool, your way of talking, I mean. But I think that wasn't the only reason why they were so immersed in you," you spoke, not realizing your accidental change of view. You both chuckled, Spencer seemingly deepening his gaze at you. "I wonder what that is," he teasingly replied, leaning down to get his case full of books and teaching material, however not turning his eyes away from yours.
You broke the eye contact, deciding that the conversation was way  too teasing for your liking, and laughed quietly to yourself.
Oh, shut up, Ms. I-might-have-a-professor-kink, I know you'd love for this mood to go on for the rest of your pitiful life.
"I wonder, too," you mumbled, feeling warmer. Spencer returned a light scoff. "Well, you seemed to know it when you first brought up the fact, so, tell me. I'm clueless, Y/N," he replied again with a tiny bit of a smooth velvet tone in his voice and your heart almost dropped in fear of his words. Why was he so confident? "Well, I think we're both kinda', you know, aware?" you hesitated, looking back at Spencer. His tongue darted out of his mouth, wetting his lips and he stood back, sliding his chair under the desk.
"Are we? Am I?"
You swallowed, trying to regain your usual snarky mood, while also moving back to your seat and snatching your bag from it. "I think so, yes," you exclaimed, sighing and joining his stride to the door. You both walked beside each other, Spencer sheepishly smiling and looking straight ahead. He didn't say a word until you reached the door.
"Well, why don't you think about that like a good student and tell me tomorrow, hm?" Spencer suddenly spoke up, making you freeze in your step. You widened your eyes at his words and looked up at him. His eyes were shimmering. You both stopped walking and you nodded, feeling awfully hot at his title for you. He smiled and unexpectedly raised his hand, leaning in closer and brushing a strand of hair out of your face, pushing it behind your ear. You continued to stare at him, wide-eyed, and he seemed to enjoy your confusion.
"Goodbye, Y/N," he muttered and lowered his hand near his side, opening the door and closing it behind him. You began feeling weak, reaching behind blindly in search of the wall. After you had found it, you leaned against it, trying to regain your breathing.
What just happened and why did you like it?
<>
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jpegjade · 3 years
Note
you always think that you have no right to react the way you do compared to what spencer has seen and experienced... but he never fails to remind you that your triggers are valid and that he loves you
i might start making these longer... anyway here’s another panic attack prompt! i’ll roll out more, I promise!
Spencer Reid is probably one of the strongest people you know. Everyone you met in the BAU had their own level of strength, faced with horrors each day, but as your boyfriend, you knew things about Spencer that other people didn’t. Things he didn’t want anyone else to know but he trusted you. He trusted that you would hold things dear to your heart like he held you dear to his. He trusted that you wouldn’t break his heart without reason. He was a logical guy, he could understand if you had a reason. He loved you with all that he had, every bit of his existence, and you felt the same about him. 
“Spencer has been through worse.” You think to yourself, the world growing progressively hotter. You knew that a 10 to 15-minute panic attack was nothing compared to watching your girlfriend die in front of you, being unable to help your mom as her mental state deteriorated, or even going to prison for 3 months. A panic attack was nothing compared to the horrors Spencer saw every day. A panic attack was nothing compared to the alienating feeling Spencer must feel after coming home after a case where he couldn’t save someone. 
“Spencer has been through worse.” You muttered, walking hand in hand with your boyfriend through the bookstore. It was his off day and you just wanted to spend some time together. You wanted a new book anyway so this was perfect timing. The panic attack was the only thing not perfect about the day. 
“What have I gone through?” Spencer said, looking over at you with one eyebrow quirked, sipping his coffee. 
“Nothing.” You smiled but Spencer knew it wasn’t real. Your genuine smile didn’t look so dull behind the eyes. Right now, you looked panicked and Spencer knew exactly what was happening. 
He squeezed your hand and nodded towards the corner of the bookstore, right under an air conditioner. You guessed that this is where he spent the most time when he visited this specific bookstore. He helped you slide down, back against the wall, as he slid down with you. You pulled your knees in, and kept repeating your mantra. It felt comforting to a degree but it also made you anxious about what would happen to him next. It was working and making things worse at the same time. 
“I haven’t been through worse,” Spencer said, looking over at you. His thumb rubbed the back of your hand, showing you that he wasn’t leaving you. “What you go through doesn’t compare to what I’ve been through because it’s different.” 
You tried to listen but breathing was hard. Why was the music so loud in here? Why was the air so thick? Your body was getting heavier but you lifted your head to look at Spencer. The look you gave him broke him inside. You had tears streaked down your face and he wanted so badly to wipe them away and kiss your cheeks but he didn’t touch you unless you asked for any kind of touch. 
Without warning, you let go of his hand and pushed his arm away from you. His heart sank, as it always did when you didn’t want to be touched because he just wanted to wrap you in his arms and keep you safe. For as long as possible, he just wanted to keep you safe. Just as suddenly, you climbed into his lap and curled up. He was so shocked that you had to pull his arms around you. You were calming down and felt the chill of the air conditioner. 
“please keep saying things.” you said, quietly. 
“oh. well I was just saying that just because i’ve seen some horrors, that doesn’t mean what you’re experiencing isn’t horrible by itself. What you experience is valid because it’s happening to you. you can’t control everything you feel just like I can’t save everyone...” spencer paused as if he was having his own realization. “and i think that when you’re less hard on yourself, you give yourself more room to breathe because you’re not comparing your experience to anyone. i love you for you. all of you. the happy, sad, and tough moments like right now. and I wouldn’t want to hold anyone else.” 
you nodded your head, closing your eyes just to listen to his voice. 
“you love me?” you asked, wanting to smile if it wasn’t so exhausting. 
“i love you and only you. and my mom. and my bed. but you too.” spencer said, chuckling. you listen to the rumble in his chest as your lungs started to take in air a little more easily. 
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labeeboheme · 3 years
Text
a short fic (that i’ll probably add way more to bc i love his idea) inspired by this post by the wonderful @thewistlingbadger
(tw/ gun mention, very vague past homophobia implied)
——
Spencer couldn’t feel his hands. The combination of the rough rope chafing on his wrists (just enough to set his teeth on edge, enough to make his skin feel too exposed even under his jacket) and the knowledge that he’d already cheated death too many times for this to end well was enough to numb his fingers and blur his vision. Surely, after 14 years in this job and almost as many near death experiences, his luck had to be running out soon. There were only so many times he could feel the cold metal of the gun against his forehead before the man holding the gun - an endless rota of numerous faces, changing in name but never in experience - followed through. The only thing keeping the panic at bay was the sounds of JJ’s breathing behind him, grounding him to the job. Panicking would put her in danger, panicking would mean failure.
“Truth or dare”, Pinker whispered, his twisted smile burning into Reid’s eyes. A brief glance at the body in front of him took any choice there was away from him - he couldn’t risk a dare. He couldn’t waste the hours he spent each night, images of prison flashing through his mind as he tried to reassure himself that he wasn’t a monster.
“Truth”, Reid answered, forcing eye contact as he did so. The pit of regret that formed as Pinker grinned almost made him edge back, beg the other option, beg for anything. Instead he forced himself to stay still, every muscle tensed as he waited for the truth. He knew nobody was listening, and JJ knew everything about him, he had nothing to lose.
“Tell me a secret. Something nobody knows about you, including your friend here. Make it worth my time.”
Oh.
It was a long established fact that JJ couldn’t act. The first girls+Spence night had established that, a bonding game over too much wine. As much faith as he put in his best friend, he knew he couldn’t risk the chance that she wouldn’t be genuinely surprised.
Nervously, Spencer turned around to glance at her. He knew exactly what secret it would be -the secret he’d considered telling her since the first ill-fated non-date to the game. Every second that passed was spent with Spencer desperately trying to find something else to say, anything else, anything that wouldn’t betray his longest kept secret.
The cold of the bullet and the impatient tapping of the shoe behind it brought him back to reality.
“I…”
Again he glanced round at JJ, seeing her anxious gaze. A lifetime of memories with her flashed through his mind, giving him a seconds worth of confidence to force out:
“I’m in love with my best friend.”
He watched as her eyes filled with tears, watching as she opened her mouth to say something. He didn’t give her the chance, wrenching his head round to look back at the unsub.
“I’m in love with my best friend, and he’s married with a kid, and I…I waited 14 years and now it’s just too late.”
If he hadn’t been Spencer Reid, if he hadn’t constantly been overstimulated and far too in touch with every sense, he would have missed the slight noise that came from JJ, the way her face changed, the way her eyebrows pressed together with an emotion Spencer couldn’t place. The gun pressed deeper into his skin, pushing himself further back into the wall to avoid it, all the while keeping JJ’s gaze, broken only by the explosion that shook the room.
Between the BAU bursting in and the ringing in his ears, Spencer hardly realised the shot fired until he heard Pinker hit the floor, the gun held between his shaking hands. Luke was pulling him up, pushing him out the door despite JJ’s shouts for him. It wasn’t until he was sitting in the back of the ambulance, hand being bandaged, surrounded by unknown faces, that the reality of what he’d said hit him.
Years spent avoiding pronouns when talking about dates. Years spent nervously laughing off Morgan’s teasing, and pretending that his disinterest in his dates was simply that - disinterest, not crippling heartbreak. Years spent loving Hank, adoring his godson, but always leaving their house with a bitter feeling in his stomach that made him hate himself. Years spent-
“Spence”
JJ was staring up at him, tilting her head every time he tried to avoid her gaze.
“Hey. Listen, I’ve got to catch up with Matt, so-
“Spencer!”
“Jennifer!”
She raised an eyebrow, mirroring his incredulous look before laughing softly.
“I wanted to give you this back, the Techs just cleared it”, she said, handing him back his revolver. She laughed again at his surprised look, backing away.
“What, did you think there was something else to address?” She asked, and even Spencer could pick up on the subtle sarcasm. He smiled a little, glancing down at his hands, twisting around the gun. Her soft laugh made him feel that maybe he hadn’t ruined everything with that confession, maybe this wouldn’t be a repeat of high school.
“Look…not to start a deep and meaningful conversation in the back of an ambulance, but…I love you, okay? You’re my closest friend. Apparently I’m not yours, mr-Morgan-is-my-best-friend, but I’ll overlook it. Just know I really don’t mind, okay? And whenever you’re ready to talk about it, just shout”.
Spencer nodded, swallowing down tears. JJ gripped his hand, smiling at him again before starting to walk away.
“JJ!” Reid shouted, watching as she whipped around. She raised an eyebrow again, taking a step back towards him.
“Yeah?”
“…..it’s Doctor-Morgan-is-my-best-friend.”
The laughter as she walked away, and the confused look Emily threw their way was enough to make him feel like perhaps this time round, he could survive someone knowing.
(And yet, when Rossi clapped him on the shoulder as he looked across at JJ again, and whispered “she’s a married woman, my friend”, he still smiled and swallowed the sick feeling once again. Maybe he wasn’t as ready as he thought).
———-
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