i was tagged by the lovely @bloodlessheirbyjacques, thanks pal!
1. Are you named after anyone?
[Pat laughs] Starting with the hard hitting questions right off the bat, huh? Well. I guess it would be poor form to lie in an interview so I'll let you in on a little secret: A long, long time ago I played Dungeons and Dragons as a tiefling Inquisitive rogue. Going off the whole virtue naming thing I figured that my character, who was basically me except pink, could probably use some Patience. So yeah. You could say I'm named after someone.
2. When was the last time you cried?
Ah, man. Probably the last time I watched The Book Of Life? It just Gets To Me.
3. Do you have kids?
Nope. [Pat pops the 'p'] I don't really want any either. I like kids well enough, but I just don't think I'm cut out for parenting.
4. Do you use sarcasm?
Occasionally. It's got its place in my tonal lexicon.
5. What's the first thing you notice about people?
Okay so this one's a little weird but the first thing I notice is whether or not they have what I call "ghost vibes". Not everyone that has the vibes is actually a ghost but I'm at 95% accuracy or so.
6. What's your eye colour?
They're brown.
7. Scary movies or happy endings
I love scary movies. Good practice for dealing with ghosts. Though I do also like a good happy ending...
8. Any special talents?
Does my ghost magnetism count? No? How about lock picking? Fence hopping? Oh, I know. I can do a few sleight of hand card tricks.
9. Where were you born?
Small town in North Carolina. I doubt you'd recognize the name.
10. What are your hobbies?
I like to read. And play cards, practice my tricks. I'd like to say I play DnD sometimes, except getting people to actually show up is a hassle and a half.
11. Do you have any pets?
[Pat chuckles] Does Sylv count? [Pat winces] Okay, yeah that wasn't very funny. But come on, I really did pick him up like a stray cat.
I do actually have a pet cat though.
12. What sports do you play/ have played?
I played baseball for a while growing up. I also took up kick boxing for a while but I haven't done it too recently.
13. How tall are you?
[Pat raises an eyebrow] Oh, come on. Let a lady keep at least a little bit of mystique, huh?
14. Favourite subject in school?
I didn't really like school much, but if I had to pick I guess history was at least kind of interesting.
15. Dream Job?
I'm living the dream, actually. Being a private investigator and part time ghost mediator is pretty damn interesting.
I'm leaving this one as an open tag because I know a lot of people have done it already. But if you haven't or wanna do it again, feel free to say I sent you ;P
10 notes
·
View notes
I posted 2,396 times in 2022
118 posts created (5%)
2,278 posts reblogged (95%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@silvain-shadows
@virologistandpotato
@ninolovers
@sdwolfpup
@femmedplume
I tagged 1,853 of my posts in 2022
Only 23% of my posts had no tags
#atla - 413 posts
#atla mai - 182 posts
#zuko - 168 posts
#atla maiko - 94 posts
#art - 87 posts
#avatar the last airbender - 81 posts
#katara - 74 posts
#aang - 68 posts
#dracula daily - 62 posts
#stranger things - 56 posts
Longest Tag: 125 characters
#i am voting for democrats ever since becoming us citizen but what would it take them to actually accomplish something useful?
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
Beach Wars
So, The Free Comic Book Day happened and I have one. It is not a very exciting offering, and, it seems, it is unfinished, but really< I am quite happy with it.
Because this is exactly what I want from Atla and TLoK comic stories: characters are having silly fun. In this case, elderly matriarchs Katara and Toph relaxing on a beach together and pulling their descendants and innocent bystander Avatars into their prank war. Bring it on!
Story and Art by Meredith McClaren
See the full post
92 notes - Posted May 11, 2022
#4
I was tagged by @bacchanalium
Favorite color: Blue, specifically this shade
#0000FF
Currently reading: I have just finished Iron Widow by Xiran Jay Zhao, the book that is about as intense, insane and amazing fun as I was lead to believe. Before that I re-read Piranesi by Susanna Clarke, which was my favorite read of 2021, and a very satisfying re-read now. And now I am looking intensely at How Story Works by Lani Diane Rich, hoping to read it next.
Last Song: Six Feet Under by Kissin’ Dynamite, because I’ve just watched the third episode of the Peacemaker, and this song kicked me in some sensitive place, and I had to listen to it several times to get this song out of my brain.
Last Series: I’ve just finished the Expanse, the last season and everything. I probably should start the books, but these days long book series scare me.
Sweet, savory or spicy: depends on a mood and circumstances. Usually, I prefer savory and a bit sour. But with my tea I would have something sweet or nothing at all.
Currently working on: Several unfinished fics, several unfinished original stories. Also I am trying to delete all the unnecessary and double photos I have collected over the past… fifteen years?
Tagging: @attackfish, @robb-stark, @yen-yen282, @yogi-bogey-box, @idkmybffgill, @poolsidescientist, @krastbannert, @ljf613, @avayarising, @catraboobwindow, @virologistandpotato, and of course anyone who wants to do it
107 notes - Posted January 21, 2022
#3
133 notes - Posted August 28, 2022
#2
See the full post
252 notes - Posted February 15, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
One moment that I think is underappreciated in Mai and Zuko relationship is their playfulness with each other. We see it in the picnic scene, and in the Mai’s house scene, and in the reunion scene. They are so different from their usual state, like they enter a happy bubble when they are together, when they can finally relax and don’t think about that pesky reality and its problems, and just be carefree.
And sure enough it doesn’t work for long, because reality is there, and its problems intrude quite rudely, often literally, personified by Azula, but their happy bubble is real, too.
They don’t pretend being anyone else, just themselves that no one else can see. So the possibility is there, for Mai and Zuko, when they manage to integrate all the different parts of themselves and deal with the reality, and to communicate better, to keep that playfulness not as an illusion, or a throwback to their childhood, but a part of their adult relationship. So that’s how I prefer to write them.
300 notes - Posted April 14, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
10 notes
·
View notes
From this ask game:
1,3,6,10,12,13,18,22,28,38,64,95,112,133,150
(it's so many, I'm sorry 😔🫣 I just didn't know how to break it down)
AIS HI I LOVE YOU. Never apologize hehe this is my favorite thing 🤗✨️💛
1. Who was the last person you held hands with? Definitely one of the kids I babysit sometime last week <3
3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? So many people!! I'm gonna say @lifeofbrybooks tho hehe 💛 I'm so excited to spend a weekend with her this summer
6. What kind of people are you attracted to? I think kind people, genuine people, people who match my energy or who I can have intellectual conversations with
10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? hm. define deep lol probably @awecwightwood last night
12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? This one is stressing me out 😭 but um maybe Tú Conmigo by ruggero, Choker by twenty-one pilots, some song on reputation idk which one lol, Life in the City but the lumineers, and agh um maybe Gold by sleeping with sirens? (This question alone took me SO LONG)
13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? mm not really tbh. I would like to say yes, but idk not really. The one exception is @ann-perkins4 lol for the most part, I'd much rather play with other people's hair 🤗
18. Do you still talk to your first crush? HA no omg I haven't spoken to him since kindergarten 😳
22. Where would you like to travel? EVERYWHERE. I really want to go to Spain, because my late grandma always made it feel like a pilgrimage to visit the village her family came to America from (though I wouldn't mind coming and visiting Ireland 😉)
28. Who are you most comfortable around? @ann-perkins4 see above lol parabatai privileges. also my sister <3
38. Describe your dream girl/guy? (i'm gonna sound picky lol but you did say *dream* guy) an oldest son, ideally with brown, curly hair (the heart wants what it wants), a little older than me, a little taller than me, likes reading enough that we can read together, witty, intelligent, kind, communicative, willing to be there with me through the anxious spirals etc.
64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? my first kiss wasn't until I was 22. I made my then boyfriend wait until we were official and I knew this was the real deal before kissing me, because after waiting that long, I really wanted it to matter. So the day after we made it official, we were laying on the couch watching Hercules, and he asked if he could kiss me and i was so scared but I said yes 🙈 and it was so weird haha it took me a bit to get used to it, but we did quite a bit of practicing that night 😏
95. Last movie you watched? Shrek Forever After with a kid I was babysitting lol it was actually my first time watching it! the kid was so offended that I hadn't seen it OR the puss in boots movie 😅
112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? like physically? gosh I'm not sure. The people I usually cry in front of all live in different states. Unless you count me breaking down on the phone with my mom on my walk home a couple weeks ago and all the strangers who got to see that spectacle ✨️ other than that.. lol I definitely cried when recording the episode of @kraigsretirementparty that went up on Saturday, does that count as crying in front of Bry?
133. Favourite lyrics right now? "Oh a liar AND a player too, I've met too many men like you" has been on repeat in my head constantly since watching hadestown last week lol
150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? okay I'm really hoping this isn't a spoiler, because the book is You Deserve Each Other, which @wingedshoes suggested to me but which I haven't quite gotten to yet lol the line is, "... progeny inherit. If Nicholas jumps ship now, Deborah will revert ..." 👀
6 notes
·
View notes
What I’ve learned from four years of college is mostly that I’m actually kind of a minimalist and I feel most comfortable when I have few enough things that I can move out of a place in two hours.
1 note
·
View note
6 vs 9
Thank you for answering my question on Ni and worrying!
I have debated on 6 vs. 9 before, but I’m pretty sure I’m a 9.
Not sure if you want an answer or not, but why not? I’ve got time. ;)
I do see 6 aspects in myself:
Lots of self-doubt and over-thinking. I take commissions as an artist and usually I’m excited to hear about a new commission but then get worried and think I won’t be able to do it / won’t do a good enough job. <- if you are a 9, this could just be your line to 6 and general anxiousness about doing a good job per your (I assume) 1 wing.
Being indecisive when anxious and wanting someone to tell me what to do/solve my problem. <- Hmm, I haven’t talked to my 9 core friends about this a lot, but I do notice some of them consult me in a “this is happening!!!” way and I give them suggestions on what to do, so… I’d say 9s will consult people they trust if they don’t know what to do. Also, did you decide on INFP? If so, indecisiveness is Ne.
I tend to plan for the worst/expect the worst (but hope for the best). <- Pessimism is a human condition. xD
I don’t project, though - I do worry that people may not like me, but I don’t test them to find out if that is the case and I always blame myself for it (i.e if they don’t like me it must be because I’m boring or weird or not emotionally reactive enough). <- I used to do this way more when I was young. I’d send an e-mail, get anxious if I didn’t get a normal prompt response, comb back over what I said searching for anything that might have upset them, and feel anxious for no reason assuming someone is mad at me. I would send out little feelers to see what was going on – quick texts or notes in a friendly tone to see if that generated a response. Now I just assume, when that anxiousness kicks in, that as adults, we’re all busy. But self-blaming is a condition of Fi, and not related to Enneagram type, IMO.
Also, I don’t provoke people to examine reactions. In fact I hate conflict (the classic “raised voices = yelling” 9 issue is true for me; in 95% of arguments I’m the peacemaker trying to find middle ground between other people). <- with me, it depends. I have zero problems with conflict at home or arguing with my parents / family members, but the less I know you and the less I trust you, the more I don’t want to fight with you. It’s true, though, that I have that bratty 6w7 energy that sometimes provokes to get a rise out of my loved ones, which my mother (a 1w9) absolutely hates. It’s hard to shut off, but I try for her sake. Course my father is quarrelsome too, so we’re like a tempest in a teapot sometimes.
I also don’t see many positive 6 aspects in myself:
The ability/desire to build connections and make a security system. <- Interesting. My security is my bank account and having a few people I can count on. It’s not stalking up my pantry, for sure. *cough * weak Si, like what kinds of foods even go together? *cough* Though I work very hard in my family business so we can all thrive, which is a security of its own.
Being loyal to friends and checking in with them to make sure we’re “okay” (I never do this barring an actual argument or something - mostly I ghost people; loyalty is not my strong suit!) <- This is very true of me. If anyone picks on any of my friends, I will get offended and fiercely defend them (even if I have criticisms of them myself). And I do like to stay connected as an extrovert. But following up what I said above, I don’t try to build super close connections as much as I did when I was younger. I’ve realized people have their own lives, and you’re lucky to get their attention at all. But I don’t ghost people. I used to stay in very immediate contact with them.
I feel very little need to connect with other people. My friends are basically my family and in-laws - about 10 people who I truly trust and would do anything for. I don’t really want more people-related responsibilities. <- lucky little sp-dom introvert. ;) Though I can somewhat relate. More people means more energy going out, and I spend so much of it on my books and hobbies, I don’t have a lot left over. I was laughing with a fellow sp-dom INFP just yesterday about how we are both like “OMG, I have SOCIAL events in October, 5 of them!! I’m going to be so busy!!! Will it be too much???” Chill, girl. They’re interspersed over weeks. Stop over-thinking “invasions of my time!”
Meanwhile, I have many positive and negative 9 attributes:
The core problem of 9, apathy, is a BIG problem for me. Many problems in my life have been caused by not acting, by waiting too long in hopes that the problem will go away, by riding along on easy work (even if it is work I love and is worth doing) and not doing the hard work that would lead to the achievements I really want to make (writing a novel, etc.). I’m not a lazy/apathetic person in general - I can (and do) work extremely hard (I run my own art business and working 12+ hours a day is typical for me). But it’s a mental apathy issue, the quailing at mentally facing hard tasks and ending up doing small easy things that soothe me. <- aww, tho I relate to procrastinating. Being around 9s, it kind of amuses me to watch you self-soothe. Like, shouldn’t you be studying for your math final and not reorganizing the bathroom cabinets? And it seems like 9s can drag their feet even when it’s important until they decide to do it, then nothing stands in their way.
Other 9 aspects/problems I can see in myself:
Being vague - not knowing what I really want and getting frustrated by not having a clear vision of what to do. <- yeah, that’s 9ish.
Suppressing anger and other “negative” emotions because of seeking inner peace/blankness. And if I do express anger (usually in a burst under stress) I feel guilty about it. <- 1 wing, yeah.
Setting up walls between other people and myself because I can’t deal with their emotions. I don’t struggle with the intense kind of “merging” described by many 9s, but I think that might be because I’m Fi-dom and probably sp-dom. But it is still exhausting to handle the emotions, opinions, etc. of many people for long periods of time. <- I need to ask my 9w8 INFP more about this specifically, but I don’t know that she fully merges so much as prematurely (sp-dom) throws up a barrier and says Nope to things, in hopes of avoiding other people creeping into her feelings. And yeah, she finds being around especially temperamental or high energy people difficult, since it’s such a bombardment of drama + her own intense reactions.
Tolerating behavior I don’t like for too long because “they might have good intentions.” Thinking positively of people because believing the worst of them feels mean. <- same for me, Ne + compliant type issues.
I have very strong opinions but I don’t like to argue with other people. I tend to believe that if the truth exists, other people will be drawn to it without my twisting their arm and making them see it. <- that’s nice of you and very healthy Fi-dom. I … will absolutely argue up to a point, then decide it’s not worth my time and pointless.
My motto (good and bad) is often “Let’s wait and see if things improve.” <- haha.
Also, although I do struggle with 6ish self-doubt, when it comes down to it I trust my gut and believe that I know what is best for myself. People can give me advice and I’ll nod and thank them but inside I’m thinking “You don’t know me!” In general I am (or at least appear and strive to be) a cheerful, emotionally stable, positive person. So… I still think 9 gets more points. But honestly, this is one of those things that makes me believe in tritypes because I relate a lot to both of them! Thank you for reading all of this!
Go with your gut. Be a happy little 9. :)
ETA: Regarding relating to them both -- of course you do, 6 is your stress line, so it will show up regularly. ;)
48 notes
·
View notes
“would they be shocking, or would they be considered ‘standard (if shady) American business practise’”
(American here) It depends on how you look at it. There are 3 ways Meghan’s finances, including Archewell, could be considered shady or troublesome. I’ll try to keep it short as I’m not a financial expert and don’t know the specifics of Meghan’s issues.
Issue #1: her charities and corporations, including Archewell if I am not mistaken, are registered and incorporated in the state of Delaware. Delaware has some of the loosest laws, allowing the most flexibility lies, so tons of people register their charities in Delaware. Delaware requires only one director per nonprofit (most require around 3) and there are very few regulatory statutes (for instance few meeting requirements, no approval for real estate transactions, and the attorney general doesn’t review corporate transactions). Meaning that with her nonprofits registered and incorporated in Delaware, Meghan can pretty much do whatever she wants, within law, as there is very little oversight.
Issue #2: Taxes - this one had multiple parts. The US government loves taxes and will always come collecting what it is due. And here, the tax laws are some of the most powerful and most stringent laws we have on the books. Case in point: the US govt was able to bring the mob bosses down, including Al Capone, not because of violent crimes but because of taxes. So please trust me when I say the US govt will get their due when it comes to taxes.
Part A: Meghan had a few tax issues with the IRS in the past (I don’t know the specifics, sorry - either bankruptcy or she was late filing). She is a famous person who is always in the news. And not only is she in the news, but so are all of her deals and how much money she is purportedly earning. The IRS will be paying attention to make sure they get their part of these deals.
Part B: Harry - a member of the British royal family who at one time was receiving funds from said royal family to support their lifestyle - lives in the US. He and Meghan will have to report any wealth earned or given to them over a certain amount to the IRS. I think it’s $15K. Meaning any money Charles has given them probably has to be declared, especially if any was given to Meghan. The BRF is notoriously very private about the true extent of their wealth and holdings. It is thought that because Meghan, an American, married into the family and now lives with Harry in the US, the IRS and the US govt are going to use Meghan’s taxes to understand the real BRF wealth and finances, which could blow the lid wide open on the BRF’s own financial dealings. (The law has recently changed such that the IRS is no longer able to provide tax filings or records to third parties without the owner’s consent so there is some safety there. Not even FOIA can get around this new law, I don’t think.) (And because of this I think Charles set up some kind of trust fund for Harry to draw from to get around the gift taxes and Meghan doesn’t get a single penny of it.)
Part C (and this one is important for Issue #3 below) in the US, nonprofit organizations are exempt from paying federal taxes. So as a nonprofit incorporated in Delaware, Archewell doesn’t pay any federal taxes so pretty much much any money that is donated to Archewell isn’t really “tracked” for tax purposes. And in the US, charity donations can be used as tax deductions. So if Meghan or one of her friends made a big donation to Archewell, not only does Archewell not have to report it, the donor gets to deduct it from their taxes (which lowers the amount they owe the govt and increases their return/payout from the govt if they are found to have overpaid through their salary deductions - I can only make small personal donations like $100 at a time so I don’t know what the rules are for big donations or corporate donations are.)
Issue #3: in the US, the minimum a nonprofit is mandated and required to give to charity is 5% of any money fundraised or earned. The nonprofit can keep the remaining 95% for themselves, usually as “administrative overhead.” Meaning that if Archewell received a donation of $100,000 then Meghan is only required to give $5,000 of that money away to another charity or to the community that Archewell supports and she can put the remaining $95,500 in her pocket as her salary for being Archewell’s executive director. Archewell doesn’t have to report that donation but Meghan does have to report that salary. So to avoid that, she could get an expense/corporate account for Archewell and charge her personal costs to that corporate account as “administrative overhead” (THAT IS SPECULATION ONLY). That is how some people, including celebrities, have been caught and charged with fraud.
Again, I’m not an expert on taxes, nonprofits, or other financial matters so please take what i have written with a grain of salt. This is only what i know from reading the major newspapers and being involved in charity fundraising drives.
Thank you so much for typing this all out and sending it in. I don’t know how you got around the character limit on the ask box, but thank you!
<3 <3 <3
36 notes
·
View notes
I got a very long ask and wrote even longer reply, and now Tumblr for some reason doesn't want to publish it through asks. So I'm making a separate post, because what else can I do? 😀 I hope Anon wouldn't mind
Hi!
Thank you for such a long ask! I really enjoy replying those, although it may take some time to actually write whatever I have on my mind 🙂 However, I feel like for every question that you posed, it's possible to write its own big reply or even an essay, so this piece of mine probably won’t give them justice (but I’ll try my best.)
As usual, one big IMO.
1) Ethics, “gueer coding” and discussions
I believe I’ve already partly touched this subject here. Shortly, I think that everything the boys did (and still do) had its own purpose. They decided to put these "undertones" (or whatever one may call them) in their art. They made some statements with a very small room for interpretation. And it didn't happen once or twice. More like, it's been a consistent behaviour throughout years.
I don't buy this excuse some fans write - "oh, he just didn't know about this/didn't understand how it looked like/didn't..." So apparently, JK wasn't able to figure out shit about Troye, didn't give a damn about his GCF, didn't think how his tattoo looked like; JM didn't realize to what conclusions could lead his quite bold words about 4am or waking up and seeing JK; both of them didn't have second thoughts about the Black Swan dance; Bang PD is just a CEO who pays zero attention to BTS in general and KM actions in particular (which sometimes actually backlash, e.g. that stop gay fanservice thing after the Seoul concerts), because he clearly just doesn't care AT ALL; whatever PR service they have in BH is just asleep all the time... Etc etc etc, you got the idea
Well, if one wants to perceive JM, JK and BigHit as a group of complete morons with no brains, this "oh, they just didn't know" explanation may work. But if all of them were idiots, how would BTS become the biggest group on a planet? They are smart enough, deal with this.
And YET. KM still do what they do. It's their choice, so apparently they have their motives. You wrote it yourself too - "Jikook and BH put out all that stuff for a reason."
Keeping this in mind, I truly think it's fair to discuss queer undertones or KM's bond. It's meant to be discussed and speculated. They made it public, and they continue to make it public (and quite obvious, to be honest). Why? Well, I guess they want us to speculate.
From here comes the second point
2) Art and its interpretations
In general, I believe that any good art should allow various interpretations. That's what a good piece of art is supposed to do - provoke a thought. As well as it's quite customary to analyze and (sometimes) overanalyze art. Thousands of universities worldwide have programs which are focused on fine art, literature, theater, music, film, etc.
And why is it okay to write about Avengers or Madonna or whatever weird art you're able to find in the closest Contemporary museum (like a banana taped to a wall), but not okay to interpret BTS' songs and/or performances? Again, I strongly believe that art is meant to be discussed. Especially as cool as theirs 🙂
Actually, some popular fandom theories turned out to be true here. Since Spring Day release on Feb 2017, fans speculated about its connection to the Sewol ferry tragedy based on the song's lyrics, MV and choreo. We got this confirmation like when, December 2020? But before it was also just an interpretation.
Coming back to KM. Combining these with the idea that JM/JK/BH clearly know what they're doing and how it may look like, I don't see a problem in having various interpretation of their art. Including queer ones.
3) Escapism
Isn't all art targeted to escaping in a sense? We want to take a break from reality and/or mundane life or just gain some new experience. In this sense what's the radical difference between staring at pictures or sculptures in a museum, watching a movie, reading a book or scrolling through Tumblr reading BTS/KM centric posts? All of these are means to escape and entertain ourselves.
As for this "if they are a queer couple, is it okay to derive pleasure and 'what a beautiful love story' feelings from two members of systematically oppressed minority?" - and you would prefer doing what - ignoring them? pretending that they don't exist? 🙃 In case if they are a queer couple, I guess showing support and benevolence is even more important. Exactly because, as you mentioned, they are a part of the oppressed minority. And the hatred is/would be definitely in place.
4) Fanfiction
Oh my, what a controversial theme these days.
Firstly, some forget it was not invented in the 21st century. Even slash fanfiction (cough Star cough Trek). As for incorporating real people, it's been a part of literature for like what.. always? There are millions of different writings about emperors, nobles, military figures, lives of saints, etc. And it's not like personal opinion of people in question bothered those, who write or wrote about them. I clearly remember a scene in Leo Tolstoy's War and Peace, where Alexander I [Russian emperor 1801-25] after losing a battle against Napoleon, hits a birch tree with his sword while crying hard and just being kinda hysterical. Would real Alexander be satisfied with such image if he read the book? Idk 😄
About having "the right to comment on such [different from your own] experience". I suppose, if authors wrote only about what they had experienced, our literature would be 95% poorer than it is. How can one write books in historic settings if they didn't live there? How do books about future and space travel exist, if we live in 2021? Is it needed to be a part of mafia to write about mafia? What about other cultures? Should an American author write only about American people and American lifestyle or it's fine to have characters from other countries?
Writing is not about experiencing something and then making a fanfic or a book, it's more about research and compassion. If you have reliable info on your theme and are able to look at the world using different lenses, why not?
I don't perceive fanfiction as a worldwide evil. Sure, there are creepy examples as well as authors, who write fetishizing weird shit. But it doesn't mean that all fanfiction=bad and all slash fanfiction=objectification of male homosexuality. Fanfiction is just one form of fiction, it can be good or bad based on how it's written. But the label itself doesn't define anything, as well as reading it should not be a reason to accusations.
5) Jikook, shipping and politics
I'm among those, who perceive pretty much everything as a part of politics. We all exist within some political conventions and have certain political laws over our heads. And yes, it includes art. Even if an artist says something like "oh, I decided to stay away from politics, my work is beyond it". The decision to stay away from politics is also political, because apparently there was something within the political structure what made this artist say that and forced them to make this distinction between them and some institutional conventions.
And that makes me believe that shipping/supporting KM is also political. But I don't think it's necessarily bad? Basically, you decided to support potentially queer people from a country, which doesn't really approve LGBTQ+. It puts you in the opposition towards a particular government. You made a choice. You could google some SK stuff, read all that you mentioned in the beginning of your ask, and say something like "oh, that's not okay there? well, fair enough, I guess their government knows better"🤠 and forget that this KM thing even exists. But apparently you didn't
Imo, is it politics? Yes
Is it bad that it's politics? Well, no? 🙃
|
P.S. I hope I was clear enough with my ideas. Thank you again for the thought provoking ask, and I hope I'll hear from you again 🙂
And honestly, I don't think that you're problematic in any way :)
47 notes
·
View notes
Ouroboros (S2, E8)
The hiatus almost killed me. So glad we have new content <3
As usual, my time-stamped thoughts for this episode are below. As always I reference Malcolm’s mental health. A lot. So if that’s going to be a trigger for you, don’t keep reading.
SPOILERS AHEAD:
0:04 - That scarf is so extra.
0:26 - OH LOOK THE FIRST SUNSHINE SIGHTING OF SEASON TWO!!! It only took 8 episodes. *insert eyeroll*
0:40 - Ugh. This montage makes me hate Hoxley. He embodies the type of human I abhor: self-important, egotistic, obsessed with appearance.
1:19 - “No I didn’t.” LMAO. Mr. David is so done with Martin’s bullshit.
1:36 - That makeshift shiv in the dude’s arm.....that’s Daryl’s shiv from a few episodes ago right? Am I going crazy?
2:25 - Sooooo Birdie hasn’t left New York? She’s moved into the Milton’s “Murrayville Building”. Huh. Wait. Was Birdie in the house when Malcolm and Ainsley fought? Do you think she heard?!? Birdie might become a problem for the Whitly’s later this season....I hope?
2:43 - Jessica doesn’t know about the contents of the fight. Interesting. How long has it been since the end of 2x7?
2:58 - “I’ll be there at 8.” hahaha OMG. I swear Malcolm was a terror during his ‘rebellious teenager’ phase.
3:38 - Yep. This fog horn reinforces the fact that I believe Hoxley is a dick.
3:40 - Awww.... the way Malcolm jumps/flinches at the fog horn is both hilarious and adorable.
3:58 - “And who the hell are you?” YES GIL. YES. Don’t let him talk like that to Malcolm <3
4:04 - Duuuuude. Gil looks pissed and scared. He does not like Europol snooping around his crimes. ALSO I’m like 95% sure that Gil knows (or at least has a hunch) that Malcolm is somehow involved with Endicott’s murder. I’m pretty sure Gil is scared that this dude is going to try and arrest Malcolm.
4:07 - OMG. JT is adorable. “You’re that guy. The mind sleuth.” Personal headcanon: JT read Hoxley’s book to try and understand Malcolm better.
4:22 - DANI IS MY QUEEN. SHE IS MY ICON. I LOVE HER SO FREAKING MUCH. “No.” This girl is fierce. <3
4:23 - <3 <3 Malcolm’s heart eyes, head tilt, and visible pride is so so so precious. THIS is why he’s attracted to Dani. She’s not afraid to assert herself.
4:31 - “And then took in his son.” ....Okay, so this infuriated me. Nothing Hoxley is saying is untrue. BUT something about the way he’s saying it just gets under my skin.
4:45 - I think Hoxley is pissing me off so much because he’s psychoanalyzing Malcolm in front three of the people Malcolm trusts and loves most in the world (3 out of a very very short list of people). He’s trying to humiliate Malcolm and I hate it. I hate that Dani, JT, and Gil haven’t told Hoxley to shut up. I hate that Hoxley is trying to drive stakes of doubt into the three people whose opinion Malcolm treasures.
5:25 - “Aim a little lower, Whitly.” and and and.....then Hoxley looks to the team as though he wants them to laugh. I’m furious.
5:32 - THANK YOU GIL. STEER THE CONVERSATION AWAY FROM MALCOLM
6:04 - Malcolm is so obvious. There’s no way that the team doesn’t know that he was involved with Endicott’s murder. If they didn’t before this episode - they HAVE to know now. Right? They’re detectives. Malcolm is a terrible liar.
7:00 - Oh. So now Ainsley cares about the crime. Now it’s “how much trouble are we in”. And let’s be real. Ainsley doesn’t even seem very worried or scared. She’s concerned that the crime will get out - she’s not sorry she committed the crime. She’s not sorry that her big brother tried to take the fall for her.
7:15 - “We said no more secrets.” ...when. When did you two say that? Was there a ‘fight part 2 - the tentative truce’ that we didn’t get to see?
7:33 - A mention of Sophie Sanders. Finally. I still hope she comes out of the woodwork and takes the fall for this. I want more closure on her. Did the team ever find out that Malcolm found her? How did the Eddie murder finally get resolved (I’m not satisfied with the “not every case gets solved” line)?
7:42 - Yo. I don’t care about the time constraint of a 45 minute episode. I don’t care that it was required to move the plot along. The fact that Ainsley starts typing frantically into the computer at about 7:42, stops typing at 7:47ish and has found at least 4 different articles relating to murdered random people (who apparently helped hide Endicott’s body?) is SO UNREALISTIC. I just can’t. I can’t suspend my disbelief on this one. The article headlines say nothing about ‘couriers’. It’s stuff like ‘Local fisherman found dead’. HOW THE HELL WOULD AINSLEY KNOW THEY WERE HELPING MALCOLM IN LESS THAN 10 SECONDS OF GOOGLING?!? Nope. I can’t justify this one. Fedak - you dropped the ball.
8:40 - Poor Malcolm looks terrified. :(
9:04 - My first impression of Natalie was that she’s a beautiful young lady who seems really sweet and a little socially awkward. Kudos to the actress.
9:41 - Another mention of Sophie. God - I hope she becomes a twist in this season’s storyline. I’m not content with how her story arc ended.
10:21 - “I didn’t have anything to do with Endicott’s death and neither did Jessica.” Yep. Gil definitely knows (or at least suspects) that Ainsley and Malcolm are somehow involved with Endicott’s murder. It’s killing me that we’re not getting the big “team and/or Gil find out and/or confront Malcolm about it” moment.
10:31 - OMG. Alan Cumming’s eyebrow wag here. hahahahaha
10:35 - Look at how pissed off Gil is as soon as Hoxley suggests that he and Jessica have a romantic history. 1) Gil still has it bad for Jessica (and is hurt that she rejected him again 2) Gil’s a pretty private dude and probably doesn’t like his personal business being speculated upon by a total stranger with ill intent 3) Gil is also getting protective of the Whitly’s. Not just Jessica but Malcolm (and maybe Ainsley) too.
10:58 - Europol agents aren’t allowed to make arrests?!? THEN WTF IS THE POINT OF HOXLEY’S CHARACTER?!? TO DRIVE DOUBT INTO THE MINDS OF THE TEAM WITH REGARDS TO MALCOLM?!? FOR REAL. WHY?! TO FORCE GIL TO ARREST MALCOLM AND AINSLEY?!?!
11:08 - “To watch you put the cuffs on Mr.Endicott’s killer. Deal?” “Deal.” oooooooohhhhhh no. I do not like the foreshadowing here. If Gil has to arrest Ainsley and/or Malcolm.....idek. Part of me wants to watch it for the emotional whump (of all parties - including Jessica). Part of me wants to ugly cry at the thought of it though.
11:39 - “How do you know so much about yachts?” ....THANK YOU JT. DANI HAS A STRANGE AMOUNT OF NAVAL KNOWLEDGE IN THIS EPISODE AND WE ALL KNOW “I watch a lot of Below Deck” IS UTTER HORSE CRAP. Ugh. I want to know more about Dani and JT’s personal lives. So. Badly.
11:44 - <3 <3 <3 The look Malcolm and JT exchange when Dani claims that she watches a lot of Below Deck is absolutely precious. It’s like they’re best friends and/or brothers. They both knew Dani was lying. <3
11:54 - “At least he’s the real deal.” Ouch. I honestly can’t tell if JT is just teasing Malcolm here or if JT genuinely believes this. ....Is this JT’s way to letting Malcolm know that he has suspicions about his involvement with Endicott’s death?
12:06 - “Says the guy who bought his book.” HA. Dani is on fire this episode. The snark queen. Look at how pleased Malcolm is that Dani is defending him. <3 Warms my cold dead heart.
12:09 - annnnndd now JT is definitely teasing Malcolm. “What our boy Bright needs is a moniker.” hahaha watching Dani and JT come up with stupid profiler monikers was so cute. I love it when the team gangs up to (lovingly) tease Malcolm.
12:30 - “No. Nothing yet.” Again - Malcolm is a terrible liar. The team must know that he’s involved with this thing. They’re detectives.
12:59 - Martin’s physical reaction to Malcolm saying, “No. That woman does not deserve to die.” Is HILARIOUS. Martin is so freaking desperate for Malcolm to become a serial killer that he doesn’t even care the Ainsley has already murdered someone.
13:19 - “He has a perfect track record.”.....what? So does that mean he’s solved every case he’s ever worked on? Taken credit for solving every case he’s ever work on? Hand picked the cases he works on so he knows he can solve them? Probably a combination of the above. Sometime about Hoxley reminds me of Gilderoy Lockhart from Harry Potter. You feel me?
13:23 - The fact that Tom Payne (a Brit) is being told that Hoxley has “perfect teeth. For a Brit” by a Welsh man is hilarious.
13:34 - Does this fish packing joint have no security?!? Like Malcolm didn’t have to pick a lock or anything. He just walked right in (and he’s not being quiet).
13:51 - “I can think ruthless. I don’t know if I can be ruthless.” THIS. THIS is Malcolm in a nutshell. Think about Nicky Covington. Malcolm wanted to act ruthless but he couldn’t. He ended up saving Nicky because he couldn’t go through with his ruthless plan. That’s the difference between Malcolm and (quite frankly) the rest of his family. Jessica, Martin, and Ainsley can all be ruthless. All of them. Jessica on a lesser degree but Martin and Ainsley are confidently ruthless. Often.
13:57 - Ok. For real though. HOW HAS NO ONE OVERHEARD THESE PHONE CALLS BETWEEN MARTIN AND MALCOLM. THE PHONES HAVE TO BE TAPPED RIGHT?!? IN A SECURE MENTAL INSTITUTION FOR MURDERERS?!? and I stg that Mr. David knows things. That man is not a moron and he’s pieced stuff together (not from this scene obviously, but still).
14:13. - “Why don’t I break out.” The fact that Malcolm hasn’t mentioned that Martin wants to escape to anyone (since 2x4) is really stressing me out. I know Martin’s going to break out - the promos have made that very obvious but I’m still anxious about it. Mostly I’m worried for the health and safety of Malcolm (and Gil, Jessica, Dani, JT, Edrisa...).
14:17 - “We all go on the run together.” Martin is delusional. He thinks that the whole family will go on the run with him?!?!? He might be able to convince Ainsley. He might be able to blackmail or threaten Malcolm. BUT Jessica? She’s not going willingly. Hell - she might kill him herself if Martin escapes and tries to come near her (which.....I would actually kind of like to see).
14:48 - The fact that Malcolm apologizes to a corps is so precious. Really reinforces the fact that Malcolm is not a killer.
15:00 - Oh look. Another scene for Malcolm’s nightmares. “The time I cut off a dead guy’s thumb to protect my sister”
15:24 - annnndd Malcolm is really close to having a panic attack. Look at that face. :( Someone give this guy a hug. Please.
15:34 - Where the HELL is Edrisa!?!?!?
15:42 - Malcolm, you utter moron. What possessed your stupid ass to show up at a crime scene with a soaking wet arm and draw attention to your arm by shaking it?!?! WHEN THE BODY WAS JUST DRAGGED OUT OF A VAT OF WATER. AND YOU TAMPERED WITH THE BODY?!!? YOU DUMBASS.
15:52 - This is Gil - terrified. He’s scared because 1) he knows Malcolm is lying , 2) he’s concerned for Malcolm’s mental health and 3) he’s starting to think that either a) Malcolm killed this guy, b) Malcolm knows who killed this guy and is obstructing justice, or c) Hoxley is going to pin this on Malcolm and Gil won’t be able to save him.
16:14 - “I’m never buying frozen fish again.” hahaha Dani is killing it this episode. <3
16:23 - Check out how Gil is staring at Malcolm. Gil totally thinks Malcolm has the thumb.
16:50 - “Older model” Shit. Seriously? Are finger print scanners on phones old?!? My phone isn’t that old......I got it 6 years ago?
17:16 - MALCOLM IS A TERRIBLE LIAR. Honestly, the pure terror on his face throughout most of this episode screams “I KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT THE MURDER.” If the team hasn’t pieced this together yet they’re not worthy of being detectives.
17:29 - I’m not going to lie. I had to fast forward through the Martin/Capshaw scenes for the rewatch. I find them so upsetting to watch. I just can’t do it more than once. Their whole dynamic is gross, creepy, and just ugh.
20:00 - Jessica and Hoxley talking about Endicott’s death is so satisfying.
20:35 - “Jessica Whitly. Played for a fool. Yet. Again.” Ok Hoxley. You are not allowed to disrespect my girl Jessica like that.
21:10 - The biggest problem with Jessica and Gil’s “mock interrogations” by Hoxley is that neither of them mention Ainsley or Malcolm. It’s super suspicious. They mention other people by name. People who should be connected to Ainsley and/or Malcolm given the context of the sentence. Hoxley is a moron for not nailing Ainsley and Malcolm for the crime during this episode. It’s so so so obvious.
21:19 - hahahahahahahaha Jessica grabbing the martini out of Hoxley’s hands. hahahahaha I stan.
21:35 - annnnnd Jessica is a terrible liar as well. Seriously - why doesn’t she just say “ENDICOTT WAS KILLED OVER HERE!!”. Another parallel between her and Malcolm though. Malcolm + Jessica can’t lie well. Ainsley + Martin are expert liars.
22:54 - Again. Ainsley is intrigued at the fact that Malcolm has a thumb in his freezer. Much like Martin would be if he knew. Jessica on the other hand shares Malcolm’s fear and disgust about the situation.
23:00- “We”?!!?!? AINSLEY YOU HAVEN’T DONE ANYTHING. MALCOLM HAS BEEN COVERING FOR YOUR ASS. YOU JUST HAVEN’T TURNED YOURSELF IN AFTER YOU REMEMBERED. THAT’S YOUR ONLY CONTRIBUTION TO THE “KEEPING ENDICOTT’S MURDER A SECRET” SITUATION.
23:07 - “Do you even see what you are doing to him.” This line both terrified and delighted me. On one hand - I’m grateful that Jessica can see how much emotional pain Malcolm is in because of this situation. One the other hand - Ainsley looks pissed that Jessica is blaming her for Malcolm’s general brokenness. If Ainsley goes full serial killer - Malcolm is going to be on her list. “The brother that overshadowed her.” “The favourite child” “The reason she had to be a perfect daughter” “The reason she was ignored”
23:32 - “Got it.” Damn. Ainsley is bitter. She wants to control this situation. She doesn’t like taking orders from Malcolm.
25:00 - MR.DAVID IS RIGHT THERE. IF HE DOESN’T BLOW THE WHISTLE ON THIS I’M GOING TO BE SO DISAPPOINTED.
25:12 -”The Brain Fart” hahahahaha OMG.
25:53 - “You’re being rude Hoxley.” ......Martin being the nice guy? I’m genuinely disgusted.
26:26 - “Your son Malcolm.” THIS. THIS is why Ainsley is so pissed off. Everyone has always thought Malcolm would turn out like Martin. Ever since they were kids. She’s pissed off that no one considers her to be a threat. They’re all concerned for and scared of Malcolm. Not her. She’s invisible. Why do you think she became a TV reporter? To force people to see her.
26:50 - I’ve never wanted to Martin to kill anyone more than I have in this moment. I do find Martin’s protective love for Malcolm interesting though.
27:37 - How long was that phone in water before Malcolm grabbed it?!? Anyone ever drop a phone in water? I don’t care how much rice you have. It’s toast 90% of the time.
27:44 - Malcolm explaining murder to Sunshine is so cute.
28:22 - And my heart rate has skyrocketed.
29:10 - “To protect your sister.” Huh. I find it interesting that Hoxley has considered that Malcolm may have killed Endicott to protect Ainsley. It suggests that he thinks Endicott was a threat to Ainsley alive. Makes me wonder about what happened to Ainsley before Malcolm got back to the house in 1x20.
29:16 - “You all had something to gain.” Did they though? Martin had something to gain - keeping his cushy Claremont cell. Ainsley had something to gain - “A news story.” Jessica had something to gain - “safety”. But Malcolm? He didn’t personally have anything to gain. He wanted his Mom and sister safe but he never thought about himself.
30:11 - “Perhaps the murder weapon is still among your mother’s silver.” I find it interesting Hoxley has pieced that together. I also find it highly unbelievable but that’s just me.
30:15 - Hoxely, rich people don’t carve their own Christmas roasts. The Whitly’s have staff for that.
30:24 - “You’re still just a scared little boy. Hungry for daddy’s love.” Ouch. It’s true but it still hurts. This is not helping Malcolm’s mental state. At all. Istg if we don’t get a Malcolm mental health crisis soon I’m going to have my own mental health crisis. Seriously. I want to see this boy lose it. I’m a monster. I know. I want ugly crying. I want panic attacks. I want him to go catatonic. I want someone to comfort him.
32:35 - Nat’s a good liar. Very convincing. Too bad Malcolm’s a good profiler.
33:53 - Check out Spider Monkey Malcolm. <3
34:14 - Earlier this episode when Malcolm said he can think ruthless but not be ruthless? This is the proof. He could’ve sat back and let Natalie kill Hoxley. In some ways - it would be good for Malcolm. But Malcolm’s not ruthless. He values human life. He’s an A+ dude. For better or for worse he tries to help people.
34:26 - Really Hoxley? Do you plan on stabbing Malcolm?!? (FYI - this scene is very reminiscent of Lockhart pulling his wand on Harry and Ron in the Chamber of Secrets #justsaying).
34:45 - “I’m going to be killed by a millennial. What a twist.” hahahhahahahahhaa
35:22 - “I’m British.” hahaha I love this scene so much.
37:14 - FINALLY THE PAPA!GIL CONTENT WE”VE BEEN WAITING FOR. (it’s weak but I’ll take it)
37:39 - AHHHH the fact that Gil and Malcolm are both non-verbally communicating that Natalie didn’t kill Endicott is killing me. Does Malcolm think that Gil hates him? Does Gil really think Malcolm killed Endicott? Or just that Malcolm covered it up? I NEED TO KNOW.
37:46 - Concerned!Gil and a hand on Malcolm’s shoulder. <3 <3 <3 My icy heart has melted.
37:54 - annnnnd Hoxley ruins the moment.
39:39 - I’m not content with this ending. It’s all too convenient. Hoxley still thinks Ainsley and Malcolm did it. Mark my words. This isn’t over.
39:53 - Ainsley is so smug here. I want to slap her. She’s elated that she’s getting away with murder. She doesn’t care about how it’s hurting her family.
40:00 - Did they really do the interview inside Jessica’s house?!?! Gross.
40:17- I might be the only one but I love that polo on Malcolm. Something about it is adorable.
40:22 - ......is Ainsley really trying to take credit for “putting this Endicott mess behind us”?!?! Because - she didn’t. OMG. She absolutely didn’t. Even if she did - she’s the reason they’re in the mess to being with!!!!!!! I can’t. I just....can’t.
40:45 - The episode ends right here for me. I know Capshaw and Martin kiss. It makes me want to hurl and I refuse to watch it again. I also know that Capshaw takes the scissors away from Martin. I think their whole dynamic is upsetting and creepy. I’m like 95% sure that Capshaw is a serial killer on the DL. Or at least some sort of psychopath. Martin and Capshaw are both manipulating each other and it’s too stressful to watch.
I didn’t love this episode. It was a bit all over the place. If you stuck around this long - thank you. I’ll see you guys next week. <3
25 notes
·
View notes
Lol I *hate* that post. Also like, most people don't read classic lit, and classic lit in general can be critized as being made up of primarily cis, white, straight men. Women and queer authors often have their works shuffled into YA. And fanfic?? Primarily made of of women and queer folk (and queer women). Which... is often what the reasoning is why it's targeted.
Also, children's lit and YA lit are some of the best works I've read. They deal with harsh topics. One of my favorite books from when I was a kid is Gossamer by Lois Lowry. My class read it in fifth grade (so like, 10 year olds) and it dealt heavily with abuse and coping with and recovery from trauma. The book Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson also deals with very dark themes, and it's YA. (Also both very good books and I highly recommend each. Look up the trigger lists for them. When I say they deal with dark subjects, I mean it.)
Fanfic and YA are such broad categories, and to dismiss them shows a clear lack of true understanding of literature. Typically, when people say they dislike them, it boils down to bias against queer people, women, and romance as a genre (which was spear headed by, you guessed it, queers and women).
Also, there's nothing wrong with liking tropes. I like tropes. Everyone likes specific tropes. We've all just been copying off of one another since the beginning of art creation, and we will continue to do so. Just let people enjoy things ffs. Reading is for fun and creating fanfic is for fun. Just because I read or write something doesn't mean I want to base a master's thesis around it
[In reference to this post: TL;DR - people who only read fan fic/YA aren’t capable of understanding/analyzing complex themes bc they’re obsessed with tropes]
Oof! @gabedemon, this is all a really good point/addition to why that OP’s point was 😬.
Now I’ll confess I do not personally like YA as a general rule, largely for two reasons: 1) I don’t like reading about teens and 2) for a while EVERYONE and their grandparents were writing YA to try and hitch onto the bandwagon of popular novels turned films like Harry Potter and The Hunger Games, et al, and so a lot of people were writing stuff just to try and ride a trend rather than bc that’s what they should have been writing/what their story actually wanted.
However, you are 100% right that there are some amazing novels that fall into that broad category and are worth reading whether you’re 15 or 95 (or somewhere in between).
One of the best novels I read before my headache began (and I stopped reading novels 😞) dealt with some really heavy issues (it was focused on suicide) — and it managed to delve into complex mental illness (like BPD, borderline personality disorder) and suicidality in a really realistic and complex way while not glorifying it in anyway. I highly recommend it, if the topic isn’t too tough for you (general you) to deal with, Suicide Watch:
I definitely think you see queer authors and their stories forced into niche publishers or fan fic (I don’t know if I would say only YA here as I’ve read a ton of non-YA queer published fiction).
I think you have some people who are just “snobs” who think only “serious” “literary fiction” is worth reading and has any depth. Those people have probably never read a really good YA novel (I also recommend Freaks Like Us for one that tackles mental illness in a insightful way) or any fan fic at all. (Or if they have, it’s something like My Immortal.) So they make the assumption that all fan fic must be meaningless drivel (as if there isn’t plenty of that in mainstream, published adult fiction or other media for that matter).
They also forget that people read for different reasons, and like you said, not everyone wants to read something to write a master’s thesis on.
Some “pulp” stories, like the Sherlock Holmes tales, have survived and proliferated across time and languages because people find them entertaining and can identify with the characters in some way. (Ofc some people like to analyze those stories but not everyone does; in fact, most people don’t, and that’s perfectly fine.)
So I think you have the snobs who really aren’t looking at it from a “I must crush queer writers,” though ofc you’re absolutely right about the fact that bias still exists among readers and publishers.
As I mentioned before, trying to publish a novel with a queer MC or romance through one of the big ones is really difficult for the same reason we see plenty of queer baiting in film but very few actual queer stories. Publishers are afraid that those stories won’t sell, will offend and affect sales of other books, etc, etc,
So we see the proliferation of queer stories and writers in fan fic where people are free to write whatever they want. And that’s really wonderful, imo. (But I also hope we finally see more mainstream queer stories and authors/creators as well.)
And as for tropes, honestly that was the dumbest part of the whole argument. Tropes have always and will always exist bc there’s just some things we humans love to see over and over and over again. I’m sure you could label just about any “high” art with a trope of some kind. Just bc something can be distilled into tropes doesn’t mean that’s all it is. I mean, writing programs always talk about things like “the hero’s journey” or whatever and that’s a kind of trope, too.
Anyway, I’m gonna stop before I keep rambling 😅 but yeah I think you make some really great points/additions, and I absolutely think that “all generalizations are bad” 😅😂 and trying to make a sweeping assessment like that is ridiculous.
Kind of reminds me of how much scorn “genre” fiction has gotten (think mystery novels or romance novels or sci fi, etc) because it’s “shallow.” But that has begun to change, and I do think we’re slowly seeing the attitude toward fan fic changing…. Now, if only we could chuck all the antis and their puritanical BS out the door….
9 notes
·
View notes
Anonymous asked: I really enjoyed your book review of Sebastian Junger’s Homecoming. Perhaps enjoyment isn’t the right word because it brought home some hard truths. Your book review really helped me understand my older brother better when I think back on how he came home from the war in Afghanistan after serving with the Paras and had medals pinned up the yin yang. It was hard on everyone in the family, especially for him and his wife and young kids. He has found it hard going. Thanks for sharing your own thoughts as a combat veteran from that war. Even if you’re a toff you don’t come across as a typical Oxbridge poncey Rupert! As you’re a classicist and historian how did ancient soldiers deal with PTSD? Did the Greeks and Roman soldiers even suffer from it like our fighting boys and girls do? Is PTSD just a modern thing?
Part 1 of 2 (see following post)
Because this is subject very close to my heart as a combat veteran I thought very long and hard about the issues you raised. I decided to answer this question in two posts.
This is Part 1 and Part 2 is the next post.
My apologies for the length but this is subject that deserves full careful consideration.
Thank you for your lovely words and I especially find its heart warming if they touched you. I appreciate you for sharing something of the experience your ex-Para brother went through in coming home from war. I have every respect for the Parachute regiment as one of the world’s premier fighting force.
Working alongside them on missions out in Afghanistan I could see their reputation as the ‘brain shit’ of the British Army was well deserved. They’re most uncouth, sweary, and smelliest group of yobbos I’ve ever had the awful misfortune to meet. I’m kidding. The mutual respect and the ribbing went hand in hand. I doff my smurf hat to the cherry berries as ‘propah soldiers’ as they liked to say especially when they cast a glance over at the other elite regiments like HCav and the guards regiments.
Don’t worry I’ve been called a lot worse! But I am grateful you don’t lump me with the other ‘poncey’ officers. Not sure what a female Rupert is called. The fact that I was never accused of being one by any of those I served with is perhaps something I take some measure of pride. There are not as many real toff officers these days compared to the past but there are a fair few Ruperts who are clueless in leading men under their charge. I knew one or two and frankly I’m embarrassed for them and the men under their charge.
I don’t know when the term PTSD was first used in any official way. My older sister who is a doctor - specialising in neurology and all round brain box and is currently working on the front lines in the NHS wards fighting Covid alongside all our amazing NHS nurses and doctors - took time out one evening to have a discussion with me about these issues. I also talked to one or two other friends in the psychiatric field too. In consensus they agree it was around 1980 when the term PTSD came into usage. Specifically it was the third edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-lll) published by the American Psychiatric Association in 1980 partly because as a result of the ongoing treatment of veterans from the Vietnam War. In the modern mind, PTSD is more associated with the legacy of the Vietnam War disaster.
The importance of whether PTSD affected the ancient Greeks and Romans lies in the larger historical question of to what extent we can apply modern experience to unlock or interpret the past. In the period since PTSD was officially recognised, scholars and psychologists have noted its symptoms in descriptions of the veterans of past conflicts. It has become increasingly common in books and novels as well as articles to assume the direct relevance of present-day psychology to the reactions of those who experienced violent events in the historical past. In popular culture, especially television and film dramas, claims for the historical pedigree of PTSD are now often provided as background to the modern story, without attribution. Indeed we just take it as a given that soldier-warriors in the past suffered the same and in the same way as their modern day counterparts. We are used to the West to map the classical world upon the present but whether we can so easily map the modern world back upon the Greeks and Romans is a doubtful proposition when it comes to discussing PTSD.
Simply put, there is no definitive evidence for the existence of PTSD in the ancient world existed, and relies instead upon the assumption that either the Greeks or Romans, because they were exposed to combat so often, must have suffered psychological trauma.
There are two schools of thought regarding the possibility of PTSD featuring in the Greco-Roman world (and indeed the wider ancient world stretching back into pre-history, myth and legend) – universalism and relativism. Put simply, the universalists argue that we all carry the same ‘wetware’ in our heads, since the human brain probably hasn’t developed in evolutionary terms in the eye blink that is the two thousand years or so since the Greco-Roman Classical era. If we’re subject to PTSD now, they posit, then the Greeks and the Romans must have been equally vulnerable. The relativists, on the other hand, argue that the circumstances under which the individual has received their life conditioning – the experiences which programme the highly individual software running that identical ‘wetware’, if you will – is of critical importance to an individual’s capacity to absorb the undoubted horrors of any battlefield, ancient or modern.
Whichever school one falls down on the side of is that what seems to happen in any serious discussion of the issue of PTSD in the ancient world is to either infer it indirectly from culture (primarily, literature and poetry) or infer it from a comparative historical understanding of ancient warfare. Because the direct evidence is so scant we can only ever infer or deduce but can never be certain. So we can read into it whenever we wish.
In Greek antiquity we have of course The Illiad and the Odyssey as one of the most cited examples when we look at the character traits of both Achilles and Odysseus. From Greek tragedy those who think PTSD can be inferred often point to Sophocles’s Ajax and Euripide’s Heracles. Or they look to Aeschylus and The Oresteia. I personally think this is an over stretch. Greek writers do; the return from war was a revisited theme in tragedy and is the subject of the Odyssey and the Cyclic Nostoi.
The Greeks didn’t leave us much to ponder further. But, with rare exceptions, the works from Graeco-Roman antiquity do not discuss the mental state of those who had fought. There is silence about the interior world of the fighting man at war’s end. So we are led to ponder the question why the silence?
This silence also echoes into the Roman period of literature and history too. Indeed when we turn to the Roman world, descriptions of veterans are rare in the writings that survive from the Roman world and occur most often in fiction.
In the first poem of Ovid’s Heroides, the poet writes about a returned soldier tracing a map upon a table (Ov. Her. 1.31–5):
...upon the tabletop that has been set someone shows the fierce battles, and paints all Troy with a slender line of pure wine:
‘Here the Simois flowed; this is the Sigeian territory,
here stood the lofty palace of old Priam, there the tent of Achilles...’
This scene provides an intimate glimpse of what it must have been like when a veteran returned home and told stories of his campaigns: the memories of battle brought to the meal, the crimson trail of the wine offering a rough outline of the places and battlefields he had experienced. The military characters in poems and plays show a world in which soldiers are ubiquitous, if somewhat annoying to the civilians. Plautus, for instance, in his Miles Gloriosus, portrays an officer boasting about his made-up conquests – the model for the braggart in A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum – and Juvenal complains about a centurion who stomps on his sandalled foot in the bustling Roman street.
Despite this silence, compelling works have been written that interweave vivid modern accounts of combat and its aftermath with quotes from ancient prose and poetry. At their best, these comparisons can illuminate both worlds, but at other times the concerns of the present-day author are imposed on the ancient material. But the question remains are such approaches truthful and valid in understanding PTSD in the ancient world?
So if arts and literature don’t really tell us much what about comparative examples drawn from military history itself?
Here again we are in left disappointed.
According to the Greek historian, Herodotus, in 480 B.C., at the Battle of Thermopylae, where King Leonidas and 300 Spartans took on Xerxes I and 100,000-150,000 Persian troops, two of the Spartan soldiers, Aristodemos and another named Eurytos, reported that they were suffering from an “acute inflammation of the eyes,”...Labeled tresantes, meaning “trembler,”. It is that Aristodemos later hung himself in shame. Another Spartan commander was forced to dismiss several of his troops in the Battle of Thermopylae Pass in 480 B.C, “They had no heart for the fight and were unwilling to take their share of the danger.”
Herodotus again in writing about the battle of Marathon in 490 B.C., cites an Athenian warrior who went permanently blind when the soldier standing next to him was killed, although the blinded soldier “was wounded in no part of his body.” Interestingly enough, blindness, deafness, and paralysis, among other conditions, are common forms of “conversion reactions” experienced and well-documented among soldiers today
Outside the fictional world, Roman military history tell us very little.
Appian of Alexandria (c. 95? – c. AD 165) described a legion veteran called Cestius Macedonicus who, when his town was under threat of capture by (the Emperor-to-be) Octavian, set fire to his house and burned himself within it. Plutarch’s Life of Marius speaks of Caius Marius’ behaviour who, when he found himself under severe stress towards the end of his life, suffering from night terrors, harassing dreams, excessive drinking and flashbacks to previous battles. These examples are just a few instances which seem to demonstrate that PTSD, or culturally similar phenomena, may be as old as warfare itself. But it’s worth stressing it is not definitive, just conjecture.
Of course of accounts of wars and battles were copiously written but not the hard bloody experience of the soldier. Indeed the Roman military man is described almost exclusively as a commander or in battle. Men such as Caesar who experienced war and wrote about it do not to tell us about homecoming.
It seems one of main challenges when we try to see military history through the lens of our definition of PTSD is to first understand the comparative nature of military history and what it is we are comparing ie mistaking apples for oranges.
The origin of military history was tied to the idea that if one understood ancient battle, one might fight and, more importantly, one might lead and strategise more effectively. In essence, much of the training of officers – even in the military handbooks of the Greeks and Romans – was an attempt to keep new commanders from making the same mistakes as the commanders of old. Military history is intended to be a pragmatic enterprise; in pursuit of this pragmatic goal, it has long been the norm to use comparative materials to understand the nature of ancient battle.
The 19th Century French military theorist Ardant du Picq argued for the continuity of human behaviour and assumed that the reactions of men under the threat of lethal force would be identical over the centuries: “Man does not enter battle to fight, but for victory. He does everything that he can to avoid the first and obtain the second....Now, man has a horror of death. In the bravest, a great sense of duty, which they alone are capable of understanding and living up to, is paramount. But the mass always cowers at sight of the phantom, death. Discipline is for the purpose of dominating that horror by a still greater horror, that of punishment or disgrace. But there always comes an instant when natural horror gets an upper hand over discipline, and the fighter flees”
These words offer insight to those of us who have never faced the terror of battle but at the same time assume the universality of how combat is experienced, despite changes in psychological expectations and weaponry, to name but two variables.
Another incentive for scholars and researchers is to turn to comparative material has been the growing awareness of the artificiality of how we describe war. A mere phrase such as ‘flank attack’ does not capture the bloody, grinding human struggle. Roman authors – especially those who had not fought – often wrote generic descriptions of battle. Literary battle can distort and simplify even as it tells, but if the main things are right – who won, who lost, and who the good guys are – the important ‘facts’ are covered. Even if one intends to speak the truth about battle, the assumptions and the normative language used to describe violence will affect the telling. We may note that the battle accounts in poetry become increasingly grisly during the course of the Roman Empire (perhaps owing to the growing popularity of gladiatorial games),while, in Caesar’s Gallic War, the Latin word cruor (blood) never appears and sanguis (another Latin word for blood) only appears in quoted appeals (Caes. B. Gall. 7.20, in the mouth of Vercingetorix, and 7.50, where the centurion M. Petronius urges his men to retreat). The realities of the battlefield are described in anodyne shorthand. In much the same way that the news rarely prints or televises graphic images, Caesar does not use gore, and perhaps for the same reason – to give a sense of reportorial objectivity.
Another element in the interpretive scrum is a given author’s goal in writing an account in the first place: Caesar, for example, was writing about himself, and he may have been producing something akin to a political campaign ad. Caesar makes Caesar look great and there is reason to believe that, if he was not precisely cooking the books, he did give them a little rinse to make him look more pristine. Given the many factors that complicate our ability to ‘unpack’ battle narratives, Philip Sabin has argued that the ambiguity and unreliability of the ancient sources must be supplemented by looking at the “form of the overall characteristics of Roman infantry in mortal combat”. Again the modern is used to illuminate that which is obscured by written accounts and the “the enduring psychological strains” are merely unconsciously assumed.
These legitimate uses of comparative materials have led to a sort of creep: because military historians have used observations of how men react to combat stress during battle to indicate continuity of behaviour through time, there appears to be a consequent expectation that men will also react identically after battle. This creep became a lusty stride with modern books written about the ancient world and PTSD.
After I finished my tour in Afghanistan I read many books recommended to me by family and friends as well as comrades. One of these books is well known in military circles - at least amongst the thinking officer class - as an iconic work of marrying the ancient world and the modern experience of war. I read it and I was touched deeply by this brilliant therapeutic book. It was only months later I began to re-think whether it was a true account of PTSD in the ancient world.
This insightful book is called Achilles in Vietnam by Jonathan Shay. Shay is psychiatrist in Boston, USA. He began reading The Iliad with Vietnam veterans whom he was treating. Achilles in Vietnam, is a deeply humane work and is very much concerned with promoting policies that he hoped would help diminish the frequency of post-traumatic stress. His goal was not to explain ancient poetry but to use it therapeutically by linking his patients’ pain to that of the Iliad’s great hero. His book offers a conduit between the reader and the experiences of the men that Shay counsels. In the introduction to this work he makes a nod to Homerists while also asserting the primacy of his own reading:
“I shall present the Iliad as the tragedy of Achilles. I will not glorify Vietnam combat veterans by linking them to a prestigious ‘classic’ nor attempt to justify study of the Iliad by making it sexy, exciting, modern or ‘relevant’. I respect the work of classical scholars and could not have done my work without them. Homer’s poem does not mean whatever I want it to mean. However, having honored the boundaries of meaning that scholars have pointed out, I can confidently tell you that my reading of the Iliad as an account of men in war is not a ‘meditation’ that is only tenuously rooted in the text. “
After outlining the major plot points around which he will organise his argument, he notes, “ ‘This is the story of Achilles in the Iliad, not some metaphorical translation of it”.
The trouble was and continues to be is that many in the historical and medical fields began to rush to unfounded conclusions that Shay, on the issue of PTSD in the ancient world, had demonstrated that the psychological realities of western warfare were universal and enduring. More books on similar comparative themes soon emerged and began to enshrine the truth that PTSD was indeed prevalent throughout the ancient world and one could draw comparative lessons from it.
Perhaps one of the most influential books after Shay was by Lawrence Tritle. Tritle, a veteran himself, wrote From Melos to My Lai. It’s a fascinating book to read and there are parts that certainly resonate with my own experiences and those of others I have known. In the book Tritle drew a direct parallel between the experiences of the ancient Greeks and those of modern veterans. For instance, Xenophon, in his military autobiography, presents a brief eulogy for one of his fallen commanders, Clearchus. Xenophon writes that Clearchus was ‘polemikos kai philopolemos eschatos’ (Xen. An. 2.6) – ‘warlike and a lover of war to the highest degree’.
Tritle comments:
“The question that arises is why men like Clearchus and his counterparts in Vietnam and the Western Front became so entranced with violence. The answer is to be found in the natural ‘high’ that violence induces in those exposed to it, and in the PTSD that follows this exposure. Such a modern interpretation in Clearchus’ case might seem forced, but there seems little reason to doubt that Xenophon in fact provides us with the first known historical case of PTSD in the western literary tradition.”
Arguably in the West and especially our current modern Western culture is predicated at baulking at the notion of being ‘war lovers” as immoral. But such an interpretation speaks more of our modern Christianised ambivalence towards war; to the Spartans and Athenians the term would not have had a negative connotation. ‘Philopolemos’ is, in fact, a compliment, and the list of Clearchus’ military exploits functions as a eulogy. There are points where his analysis does not adequately address the divergences between ancient and modern experiences.
For all the talk of our Western culture being rooted in Ancient Greece and Rome we are not shaped by the same ethics. Our modern ethics and our moral code is Christian. There is no such thing as a secular humanist or atheist both owe a debt to Christianity for the way they have come to be; in many respects it’s more accurate to describe such people as Christianised Humanists or Christian Atheists even if they reject the theological tenets of the religious faith because they use Christian morality as the foundation to construct their own. Many forget just how brutal these ancient societies were in every day life to the point there would be little one could find recognisable within our own modern lives.
Now we come to third point I wish to make in determining where the Greeks or Romans actually experienced PTSD. This is to do with the little understood nature of PTSD itself. As much as we know about PTSD there is still much more we don’t know. Indeed one of the most problematic and complicated issues is the continued disagreement around the diagnosis and specific triggers of the disorder which remain little understood. We have to admit there are competing theories about what causes PTSD but, in terms of experiences that make it manifest, there are essentially three possible triggers: witnessing horrific events and/or being in mortal danger and/or the act of killing – especially close kills where the reality of one’s responsibility cannot be doubted. The last of these was strongly argued in another scholarly book by D. Grossman, On Killing, the Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society (1995).
Roman soldiers had the potential to experience all of these things. The majority of Roman combat was close combat and permitted no doubt as to the killer. The comparatively short length of the gladius encouraged aggressive fighting. Caesar recounts how his men, facing a shield wall carried by the taller Gauls, leaped up on top of the shields, grabbed the upper edges with one hand, and stabbed downwards into the faces of their opponents (Caes. B. Gall. 1.52). As for mortal danger, Stefan Chrissanthos in his informative book, Warfare in the Ancient World: From the Rise of Uruk to the Fall of Rome, 3500BC-476AD, puts it this way: “For Roman soldiers, though the weapons were more primitive, the terrors and risks of combat were just as real. They had to face javelins, stones, spears, arrows, swords, cavalry charges, and maybe worst of all, the threat of being trampled by war elephants.”
Such terrors are regularly attested. During his campaign in North Africa, Caesar, noting his men’s fear, procured a number of elephants to familiarise his troops with how best to kill the beasts (Caes. B. Afr.72). It should also be noted that it was not unusual for the reserve line to be made up of veterans because they were better able to watch the combat without losing their nerve. Held in reserve, they had to watch stoically as their comrades were injured and killed, and contemplate the awful fact that they might suffer the same fate. This was not a role for the faint of heart.
However, while the Romans certainly had the raw ingredients for combat trauma, the danger for a Roman legionary was much more localised. Mortars could not be lobbed into the Green Zone, suicide bombers did not walk into the market, and garbage piled on the street did not hide powerful explosives. The danger for a Roman soldier was largely circumscribed by his moments on the field of battle, and even here, if he was with the victorious side, the casualties were likely to be light: at Gergovia, a disaster by Caesar’s standards, he lost nearly seven hundred men (Caes. B. Gall. 7.51). In his victory over Pompey the Great at Pharsalus, his casualties numbered only two hundred (Caes. B. Civ. 3.99).
So we are left with the disturbing question: were the stressors really the same?
This is the part where I also defer to my eldest sister as a doctor and surgeon specialising in neurology and just so much smarter than myself.
My eldest sister holds the view in talking to her own American medical peers that despite similar experiences in Afghanistan and Iraq, British soldiers on average report better mental health than US soldiers.
My sister pointed out to research study done by Kings College London way back around 2015 or so that analysed 34 studies produced over a 15-year period (up to 2015) and found that overall there has been no increase in mental health issues among British personnel - with the exception of high rates of alcohol abuse among soldiers. The study was in part inspired the “significant mental health morbidity” among U.S. soldiers and reports that factors such as age and the quality of mental health programs contribute to the difference between the two nation’s servicemen and women.
She pointed out that these same studies showed that post-traumatic stress disorder afflicts roughly 2 to 5% of non-combat U.K. soldiers returning from deployment, while 7% of combat troops report PTSD. According to a General Health Questionnaire, an estimated 16 to 20% of U.K. soldiers have reported symptoms of common mental disorders, similar to the rates of the general U.K. population. In comparison, studies around the same time in 2014 showed U.S. soldiers experience PTSD at rates of 21 to 29%. The U.S. Department of Veteran Affairs estimated PTSD afflicted 11% of veterans returning from Afghanistan and 20% returning from Iraq. Major depression was reported by 14% of major soldiers according to another study commissioned by RAND corporation; roughly 7% of the general U.S. population reports similar symptoms.
It’s always tough comparing rates between countries and is not a reflection of the quality of the fighting soldier. But one finding that consistently and stubbornly refuses to go away is that over the past 20 years reported mental health problems tend to be higher among service personnel and veterans of the USA compared with the UK, Canada, Germany and Denmark.
However my sister strongly cautioned against making hasty judgements. And there could be many variable factors at play. One explanation is that American soldiers are more likely than their British counterparts to be from the reserve forces. Empirical studies showed reservists from both America and British troops were more likely to experience mental illness post-deployment. It was also worth pointing out that American soldiers also tended to be younger - being younger and inexperienced as well as untested on the battlefield, service personnel would naturally run the risk of greater and be more vulnerable to mental illness.
In contrast, the elite forces of the British army, such as your brother’s Parachute Regiment or the Royal Marines, were found to be the least affected by mental illness. It was found that in spite of elite forces experiencing some of the toughest fighting conditions, they tended to enjoy better mental health than non-elite troops. The more elite a unit is or more professional then you find that troops tend to enjoy a very deep bonds of camaraderie. As such the social cohesion of these fighting forces provides a psychological protective buffer. Not for all, but for many.
More intriguing are new avenues of discovery that might go a long way to actually understanding one of the root causes of PTSD. According to my sister, recent research carried out in the US and Europe and published in such prestigious medical journals as the New England Journal of Medicine (US) and the Lancet (UK), seems to establish a causal link between concussive injury and PTSD.
One recent study looked at US soldiers that concerned itself with the effects of concussive injuries upon troops after their return from active duty during the war in Iraq.
Of the majority of soldiers who suffered no combat injuries of any sort, 9.1 per cent exhibited symptoms consistent with PTSD. This allows a baseline for susceptibility of roughly 10% of the population. A slightly higher number (16.2%) of those who were injured in some way, but suffered no concussion, also experienced symptoms. As soon as concussive injuries were involved, however, the rates of PTSD climbed dramatically.
Although only 4.9% of the troops suffered concussions that resulted in complete loss of consciousness, 43.9% of these soldiers noted on their questionnaires that they were experiencing a range of PTSD symptoms. Of the 10.3% of the unit who suffered concussion resulting in confusion but retained consciousness, more than a quarter (27.3%) suffered symptoms. This suggests a high correlation between head trauma and the occurrence of subsequent psychological problems. The authors of the study note that ‘concern has been emerging about the possible long term effect of mild traumatic brain injury or concussion...as a result of deployment related head injuries, particularly those resulting from proximity to blast explosions’
Although these results are preliminary, if confirmed they have profound implications for anyone trying to understand the nature of warfare in the ancient world, especially the Western world.
So why does it matter?
In Roman warfare, wounds were most often inflicted by edged weapons. Romans did of course experience head trauma, but the incidence of concussive injuries would have been limited both by the types of weapons they faced and by the use of helmets. Indeed the efficacy and importance of headgear for example can be deduced from the death of the Epirrote general Pyrrhus from a roof tile during the sack of Argos. It is likely that the Romans designed their helmets with an eye to blunting the force of the blows they most often encountered. Connolly has argued that helmet design in the Republican period suggests a crouching fighting stance (see P. Connolly, ‘The Roman Fighting Technique Deduced from Armour and Weaponry’, Roman Frontier Studies (1989). However my own view is that the change in helmet design may signal instead a shift in the role of troops from performing assaults on towns and fortifications when the empire was expanding (and the blows would more often rain from above) to the defence and guarding of the frontiers.
While the evidence is clear that concussion is not the only risk factor for PTSD, it is so strongly correlated that it suggests that the incidence of PTSD may have risen sharply with the arrival of modern warfare and the technology of gunpowder, shells, and plastic explosives. Indeed, accounts of shell shock from the First World War are common, and it was in the wake of that war that those observing veterans suspected that neurological damage was being caused by exploding shells.
For soldiers of the Second World War and down to our modern day, an artillery barrage is like an invention of hell.
As one American put it in his memoirs of fighting the Japanese at Peleiu and Okinawa, “I developed a passionate hatred for shells. To be killed by a bullet seemed so clean and surgical but shells would not only tear and rip the body, they tortured one’s mind almost beyond the brink of sanity. After each shell I was wrung out, limp and exhausted. During prolonged shelling, I often had to restrain myself and fight back a wild inexorable urge to scream, to sob, and to cry. As Peleliu dragged on, I feared that if I ever lost control of myself under shell fire my mind would be shattered. To be under heavy shell fire was to me by far the most terrifying of combat experiences. Each time it left me feeling more forlorn and helpless, more fatalistic, and with less confidence that I could escape the dreadful law of averages that inexorably reduced our numbers. Fear is many-faceted and has many subtle nuances, but the terror and desperation endured under heavy shelling are by far the most unbearable” (see E.B. Sledge, With the Old Breed at Peleiu and Okinanwa, 2007).
The psychological effect of shelling seems to result from the combined effect of awaiting injury while at the same time having no power to combat it.
There is another aspect that I alluded to above which is the psychological and societal conditioning of the Roman soldier. In other words a Roman male’s social and cultural expectations of his place in the world. Feelings of helplessness and fatalism were probably a less alien experience for most Romans – even those in the upper classes. In general, the Romans inhabited a world that was significantly more brutal and uncertain than our own.
This another way of saying that the Roman and 21st century combat are very different in a variety of ways that subject the modern soldier to a good deal more stress than the legionary was ever likely to suffer. And the Roman’s societal preparation – his life before the battle – was far more robust than that we enjoy today.
Take infant mortality. In the modern developed world, our infant mortality rates are about ten per thousand. In Rome, it is estimated that this number was three hundred per thousand. Three-tenths of infants would die within the first year, and an additional fifth would not make it to the age of ten - 50% of children would not survive childhood. Anecdotal evidence supports these statistics: Cornelia, the mother of the Gracchi, gave birth to twelve children between 163 bc and 152 bc; all twelve survived their father’s death in 152 bc, but only three survived to adulthood. Marcus Aurelius and his wife, Faustina, had at least twelve children but only the future emperor Commodus survived.
Then look at how that child grows up. The typical Roman child would be raised in a society that readily accepted ultra-violent arena entertainment, mob justice, frequent and bloody warfare as a fact of life. This was reinforced by religious and societal encouragement to see war as natural and beneficial, open butchering of food animals, a total lack of support structures for the poor and less able.
Compared to the legionary our modern soldier has been protected from such realities to a greater degree than at any other point in history, and will thus be far less well prepared for the horror of a warfare that contains far more stress factors than for a man who might fight a handful of battles in his military career, with long periods of relative calm in between, state of war notwithstanding. Modern special and elite forces training often emphasises the brutalisation and ‘rebuilding’ of the recruit in readiness for this step into darkness, but it seems likely that no such conditioning would have been needed two thousand years ago.
I would argue that we experience war very differently from the way the Romans did. Our modern identity is defined far more by our Western Christian heritage than our Western Classical roots. They are in fact world apart when it comes to ethics and morality. Consider the fact that when we talk of war and killing today we often do so through conflict between our civilian moral codes – which offer the strict injunction not to do violence to other human beings – and wartime, when men are commanded to violate such prohibitions. It is a terrible thing to try to navigate ‘Thou shalt not kill’ and the necessity of taking a life in combat.
It is sometimes the case that the qualities that make the best soldier do not make the best civilian, a point amply attested in Greek poetry by heroes such as Heracles and Odysseus.
The Romans, for their part, celebrated heroes such as Cincinnatus, who could command effectively and then leave behind the power he wielded to return to his humble plough. It is important, however, when evaluating combat and its effects in the ancient world, that we do not read our ambivalence about violence onto the Romans. They inhabited an empire whose prosperity was quite openly tied to conquest.
As M. Zimmerman writes in his academic article, “Violence in Late Antiquity Reconsidered’ (2007), “The pain of the other, seen on the distorted faces of public and private monuments, or heard in the screams of criminals in the amphitheatre, reassured Romans of their own place in the world. Violence was a pervasive presence in the public space; indeed, it was an important basis for its existence, pertaining as it did not only to victories over external enemies but also to the internal order of the state.”
Violence then was both the means and the expression of Roman power. The Roman soldier was its instrument. The Roman warrior then would have brought a different perspective to lethal violence, and would have had a far more restricted moral circle to his modern counterpart – his friends and family, clan, patron and clients, as opposed to millions of fellow citizens via the internet and social media.
Part II follows next post
46 notes
·
View notes
Lockdown Tag game; I got tagged by @we-are-not-amoosed thank you! I keep forgetting you know I exist, also I hope you had fun being drunk at midnight on a Tuesday hjhjhj.
First of all, a big FUCK YOU to tumblr, because I was at the LAST QUESTION and opened ONE NEW TAB to look up the word windmill, and when I went back to tumblr, my post was GONE, so here we go again. If an answer seems short of half-answered, it’s because I didn’t feel like typing everything again.
Are you staying home from work or school?
HA. Yes. Love that for me. Not at all. My university opened for 1 1/2 weeks in March 2020, then for another 4 weeks in November, and it has been closed ever since. I’m in my dormitory in the town I study in, not home home at my parents’ place though, because that would Not end well. The internet connection sucks though, that’s really annoying with distance learning. When I go into The City for A Thing, I usually cycle past my department and it makes we Yearn to go back in there, which is a thing I didn’t think would ever happen, but one pandemic later and suddenly everyone would kill for the change to go back to work/school in person, wouldn’t we?
If you’re staying home who is there with you?
I live in a dormitory, so technically, there’s a lot of other people there, but I don’t really talk to any of them except for when we meet in the hallways or the kitchen or wherever, so really it’s just me, the stuffed animal my friend got me last year because I kept whining that I didn’t have a cat like her at her boyfriend’s place where she basically lives now, and the birds who come to eat from the bird house I put on my balcony.
If it makes you feel any better @we-are-not-amoosed, not that I think it will but hey, who knows, my twin sister is moving out in December, so I will be the only child at home with my parents during summer/Christmas/Easter break, which will be Not Fun. I’ll take another 1 ½ years for my degree, and another 2 if I do a master’s, so that’s about... 1-3/4 years I’ll be alone with my parents while my perfect sister gets to move out and move on and live Adult Life fully respected as an Adult working with renewable energy, as opposed to the Disappointment who takes 5 years for a 3 year degree in a field that’s hard to find employment in and never Does Stuff like my mother wants me to Do Stuff.
Are you a homebody?
I’m with @we-are-not-amoosed there, I didn’t know what that meant, but Pons says “Stubenhocker”. A bit I guess? I’m definitely fine being home by myself if I’m unbothered there (read: not at my parents’ when they are home) and I do need time by myself to recharge. But probably like everyone else, I crave and enjoy social contact a ton more than Before. I meet a friend fairly often (aka the only friend still here instead of home for distance learning), and today we worked together (handing out flyers which idk why the company pays us to hand them out, like 95% of them get thrown away immediately, but hey, we’re getting paid 🤷) and then went to sit by the river, and there were SO MANY people there, it was not *entirely* corona-compliant (but outside with town-typical wind, so it’s fine I think, with my non-existent knowledge about spreading of viruses and such), but honestly? I just couldn’t be bothered to care in that moment: it was warm and sunny, I was there with a very close friend, people were laughing and dancing to good music, it was just so GOOD to be there, almost as if Corona didn’t exist. The police even drove by like they always do to check for people smoking weed and didn’t say anything like usual, so hey. It was just so good, okay?
So, homebody? Within reason, I guess, but less than Before, probably.
An event you were looking forward to that eventually got cancelled?
Oh boy, SO MANY. The one I’m most bitter about was a very prestigious international interpreting event, that would have involved me interpreting in the actual European Parliament building in Strasbourg. But there was also a festival week with my best friend I was looking forward to, maybe even a second festival with another friend, my company’s ten year anniversary party, etc. And Prides! I came out to my family in 2019, and was like “Yay, I can finally go to Prides now!” but well 🤷
DUDE SO MANY ARE YOU KIDDING ME
CONCERTS: 5SOS (I SHOULD HAVE heard “Old Me” in a crowd full of other people getting nostalgic for their past selves, but NO), Louis Tomlinson, Harry Styles, Rock im Park aka GREEN DAY AND RISE AGAINST (I have been trying to see Rise Against for YEARS and ALWAYS something gets in the way!), one or two small local artists.
ERASMUS: I should have gone to Russia for a semester to improve my not-too-great speaking skills but Corona said FUCK YOU you will study ALONE and LONELY in your ROOM like a child on TIMEOUT
PRIDE: none in particular, just generally it would have been nice to go, maybe even with a friend to the one in Vienna
Also just general stuff like birthdays and get-togethers with friends, and my club’s annual get-together was cancelled too, and it would have been my friend, sister and my’s 10-year-anniversary, so that sucked to get cancelled.
What movies have you watched recently?
Movies? Pfuh, I don’t know, I’m not really into movies anymore, tbh. TV-series and games are more my jam.
Descendants 1 +2, I finally watched those after I read so much fanfiction that I knew the plot without having watched a single scene that isn’t a music video that youtube kept showing me. They’re nice enough, if you overlook the fact that they make a 16-year-old king while there’s still perfectly capable adults but whatever, there’s a lot of cute moments (Carlos and Jane omg) and a lot of funny ones (UMA. Is HILARIOUS), the music kind of slaps ngl, and arguably Mal + Evie are queer and in love. I still want to watch the third soon, and rewatch The Hunger Games since it showed up on my dash recently.
What shows are you watching?
Rewatching Julie and the Phantoms forever until the end of time (or until season 2 comes out @netflix, and I started Brooklyn 99 again for background noise/low-energy background watching. A friend recommended Ginny & Georgia and it’s okay enough, but it’s written in a way that makes you want to keep watching because there’s just such whack stuff happening that you want it explained; it’s 1h episodes though, that’s a bit hard on my attention span. I want to rewatch FMA:B some time, too.
What are you reading?
@we-are-not-amoosed said “tumblr posts and the texts I translate at work” and if that isn’t a Mood. I’d love to read more, but my attention span is shit and my reading comprehension even worse. I *am* reading “Explain to me like I’m 5” atm which explains stuff easily, like, well, you’re 5 years old, so you’d think a 23-year-old could understand, no? No. I read it, I vaguely understand some stuff, I close the book, and it’s G-O-N-E, not a single thing left. Literally the only thing I remember – and this is why I had to re-write ^^^all that because I needed to look up the English word for Windräder, if that’s even what they’re called in German but whatever I’m tired – is that insects and birds die a LOT in windmills when they get too close and get sucked in and can’t escape anymore, which is one of the reasons windmills aren’t as environmentally friendly as we thought when we built them. Anyhow, I’d love to read more, but idk, there are a lot of posts on here, some I’ve reblogged, that are like.. something something reading fanfiction is easier because you already know the characters and universe something something less mental energy something something idk. Yeah I mostly read fanfiction these days. I hope I’ll get back to reading books sometime soon-ish, I have a long list.
What are you doing for self-care?
Hm. I meet my friend I mentioned above pretty regularly, and I have a notebook that I write stuff in that was nice or made me happy when that happened (like today: working with my friend and then sitting among people by the river in the sun with said friend). I’m getting a tattoo next week (3 cat paws + 1 dog paw = technically my two cats and my late cat and dog, but well, two of them are dead, so I asked two friends for a paw print of their cat and dog, so I’ll always have those two with me, too). I try to make a to-do-list each day, but I rarely stick to it. I apply eyeshadow and body glitter if I want to, I dye my hair bright colors (think pink, purple, blue, red, maybe orange next). I always have chocolate in my room meaning I stopped depriving myself of food I like/food in general because it’s “healthier”/”I need to lose weight” etc. all that you know all those great reasons. I went to a doctor about my knee and it ended up being useless but I went, so.
I also went to see a therapist but she is very useless, like “ended our first session telling me well she doesn’t know how to help me/if she can help me at all/if therapy would even help me” kind of useless; I’ll go again next week and see if that changes or if next week will be the last week and I’ll go back to Dealing Like Before, which is not great but whatever. I’ve lived until 23 without therapy, surely I can keep doing it. Therapy’s expensive if it’s not covered (which this doctor IS which is why I went to her but it’s still a waste of time) and if it’s not gonna work/not gonna help me apparently or if there’s nothing actually wrong OR that therapist is just like, bad at her job, what’s the point of going yk?
Uggggh, I hope the swimming pools and Zumba class will be open again soon, Zumba (also with said friend) is AMAZING, easy fun exercise you don’t need any knowledge or skill for and you can hang out with your friend by the street after for an hour and say goodbye five times and then remember one more thing you wanted to actually still mention and stand there for another 20 minutes hjhjhj. Best times, truly.
Idk this is probably not self-care but I got a small job working with Austrian German and it gnetflix the chance to save up a bit and add it to my resume and also hopefully get my mother to shut up about my non-existent job prospects for a bit, so that’s kind of helping in making me feel a bit more like I’m Being An Adult (also because it means I have to learn how to change my insurance and finance department stuff now, yey).
Tagging: @languages-and-else @psychicbouquetblaze-stuff @the-real-daddy-van-der-bellen @sunsetcurveofficial if you feel like doing it, also sorry @we-are-not-amoosed it became such a rambled long answe on almost everything hjhjhj
9 notes
·
View notes
Reader’s Corner: Bofuri, The Catlords’ Manservant, and Chasing After Aoi Koshiba
Love Me, Love Me Not, Vol. 8
Love Me, Love Me Not is a simple story. The characters are basic, and though they have their struggles—as do all teenagers—theirs are not overly complicated. The obstacles they face are moderate, and growth feels attainable and realistic. I think that’s part of what makes this series special—it doesn’t overreach in any category. Io Sakisaka has settled into a comfortable, appealing tale where 95% of the focus is on the four major characters, and it plays out well for most of the volumes, this one included, as Christmas nears and Rio and Yuna start their relationship together, while Inui and Akari remain somehow both connected and distant. With the former couple now dating, the spotlight is on the latter, and Sakisaka lovingly and patiently develops their story with an authenticity that is marked by the best chapters in this series, while using a Christmas setting, the stress of arguing parents, and the expectations and dreams of impending adulthood to create both romance and nuance in the characters’ growth, particularly for Inui, who after eight volumes receives the fuller development he deserves and is a mystery no more—just in time, perhaps, to receive the love of a girl who’s become more mature and ready to give love than she even realizes. ~ Twwk
Love Me, Love Me Not is published by Viz.*
Bofuri: I Don’t Want to Get Hurt, so I’ll Max Out My Defense, Vol. 1
I loved the Bofuri anime that aired last year, so I was eager to try the light novel. It is…exactly what you’d expect if you’ve seen the series. Maple’s friend talked her into buying a new VRMMORPG, but then the friend gets grounded and Maple winds up starting the game on her own. Through a series of stupid and/or brilliant choices, she ends up creating an insanely OP character. Silliness and adventure ensue. In contrast to the many stories that put a dark spin on the concept of the VRMMORPG, Bofuri is a lighthearted romp through the game’s fantasy world. The light novel does explain a few things better than the anime does, but in return, you lose the visuals, which I tend to find especially beneficial for a highly comedic story like this one. Of course, the greatest flaw of this book is that it doesn’t include the unfathomably adorable flying turtle, Syrup. I can only hope Syrup shows up in volume two! If you’re only going to do one—either watch the anime or read the light novel—I’d recommend the anime. But since I loved the series, and the novel is giving me details I missed there, I think I’ll happily continue with the next volume. ~ JeskaiAngel
Bofuri: I Don’t Want to Get Hurt, so I’ll Max Out My Defense is published by Yen Press.*
I’m the Catlords’ Manservant, Vol. 1
Different than I expected in that it felt more like a slice-of-life but in a SCHOOL setting, volume one of I’m the Catlords’ Manservant was an interesting read! It follows the indigent Yukihara as he’s given room and board by shape-shifting cats in return for being their servant. With that setup, I also expected more shenanigans at the house, and while I felt a little disappointed in that regard, this is still a captivating starting volume. The mangaka does an excellent job of introducing readers to each of the cats and making their personalities shine (Susumu is by my favorite and would say Miyako would be a close second, while Akira has something fishy about him, especially given things that happen near the volume’s end). I was fairly surprised at how loving Yukihara is towards everyone given the circumstances, but I think that is probably why he is a hero you find yourself drawn to because despite NOT being happy about his circumstances—I felt bad for him more than once—he still wants everyone to be happy. I was unsure if I would want to continue this series, but I feel this is a good one to continue now that everyone has been introduced. The ending is a chilly cliffhanger that also had me glued to the page and wishing volume two was already available. ~ Laura A. Grace
I’m the Catlords’ Manservant, vol. 1, is published by Yen Press.*
The Indignation of Haruhi Suzumiya (Haruhi Suzumiya, Vol. 8)
Not all Haruhi Suzumiya novels are created equal—some are more meaningful, some are more complicated, some are funnier, and some are more plain, that last of which unfortunately applies to The Indignation of Haruhi Suzumiya. With a first half ensconced in a daily life / school club story, with the student council finally cracking down on the SOS Brigade and the group coming together to avoid losing the literary club classroom by putting together a publication, everything seems to come to a standstill, including, unfortunately, character growth and the story at large. There are some interesting bits here, though, including the unusual and perhaps troubling piece that Nagator writes and Kyon’s cute “love story,” but the better portion of the novel is the second-half investigation of a frightened dog caused by perhaps the next supernatural entity in the universe—a ghost. More “classic” in how it involves mystery and sci-fi, continuing to propel the franchise forward, it helps balance out the more soporific first half, though regardless, Haruhi fans will enjoy reading more about their favorite club from the narrative voice of Kyon, who brings life to even the more tepid stories in the franchise. ~ Twwk
The Indignation of Haruhi Suzumiya is published by Yen Press.*
And Yet, You Are So Sweet, Vol. 1
While I felt slightly frustrated in the beginning due to desiring a little more depth to Kisaragi (I also didn’t like how she kept calling herself ugly), I found that I really enjoyed volume one of And Yet, You Are So Sweet, which was, well, very sweet! I’m a huge fan of the trope where popular boy becomes friends with said unpopular girl and a romance begins to unfold. The manga introduces this in a unique way; I wouldn’t say I find reading the same trope boring (it’s my favorite for a reason), it felt creative and had me especially engaged in this volume. It probably didn’t help that Chigira is one of my favorite kind of male heroes: quiet, sort of “out of it,” athletic, and a kind person once you get to know him. I was bummed when the manga ended because it was fairly fast-paced and found myself getting caught up in these characters lives. It seems like there are quite a few after school activities, and I enjoyed them as settings for a variety of situations (especially the library!). I LOVED the ending, too, but that cliffhanger had me groaning. I’ll just have to wait to see what happens next, and am excited to read more! ~ Laura A. Grace
And Yet, You Are So Sweet, vol. 1, is published by Kodansha.*
Golden Japanesque: A Splendid Yokohama Romance, Vol. 1
An absolutely fantastic volume, I did indeed felt “swept away” in this unfolding Yokohama romance! Maria, a young woman who dislikes her appearance, is instantly a character my heart went out to. And while I don’t think the potential object of her romance, Rintarou, is a bully, I do think he’s a major tease. On top of his teasing, Maria’s mother is the WORST (The last time I reallyyyyy disliked a parent in a manga was Kazehaya’s father in Kimi ni Todoke)! She is harsh and cruel, using words that bring her daughter down and which don’t show any kind of love towards her. I strongly dislike her and am thankful that Rintarou (and Maria’s grandmother!) is there to spread some love into Maria’s heart. While I wouldn’t say I was expecting a “fluffy” read when I first started, I was fairly surprised at some of the topics that are presented, including prejudice (even within family), lack of self-confidence, loneliness, and a near-assault (Thankfully someone intervened on that last one!). I think as a result, these more consequential events made Golden Japanesque: A Splendid Yokohama Romance a very heart-stirring and relatable story and helped lead to a very strong first volume. I’m super eager to keep reading this series and hope there are wonderful things in store for Maria! ~ Laura A. Grace
Golden Japanesque: A Splendid Yokohama Romance is published by Yen Press.*
Chasing After Aoi Koshiba, Vol. 1
The intrigue at the center of Chasing After Aoi Koshiba is why don’t the two main characters—the beautiful and popular Sahoko and the athletic, confident, titular Aoi, get together? The initial chapter shows Sahoko and others after several years have passed, establishing that she and Aoi have lost touch, before diving into their high school days when earlier, desperate to maintain a high level of popularity after being a “side character” during middle school, falls quick and hard for the latter, whom she admires for displaying the authenticity she lacks. Shown from Sahoko’s perspective, the early chapters of this yuri romance are at once funny and romantic, capturing well the awkwardness and energy of youth, and feature a protagonist whose inner monologue is quite captivating. Sahoko’s desperation for Instagram likes and passing comments about her beauty could become annoying, but instead she comes across as both self-aware and sweet, the type of character whom the audience is excited to see as she matures, while the archetype tomboy Aoi is fleshed out with surprising energy. The two are joined by an intriguing group of supporting characters, and all are drawn in a sharp and beautiful style—as pretty as any series I’ve seen. The artwork by FLY is stunning. And altogether, that leads to an exciting opening volume of what could be a special, special series. ~ Twwk
Chasing After Aoi Koshiba, is published by Kodansha.*
Your Lie in April, Vol. 11
I have finished my reread of Your Lie in April! The final volume hit me like an emotional truck. It deals with Kaori’s surgery, the aftermath, and the finale of Kosei’s amazing musical performance. I’ll mostly avoid spoilers for those who haven’t read it, but I’ll also note a few things. First, this manga is gorgeous and facilitated the wonderful journey as I reread it. Second, the emotions it evokes with the art, characters, and story are top notch. Third, the language used in the manga by the characters feels more like actual angsty teenagers than in the anime, which upped it a little bit, making it closer to a Dawson’s Creek level of pretentiousness. And finally, the concluding volume puts some lovely touches on characterization, with Kosei seeing Kaori’s flaws, but loving her anyway, and with this volume also showing all the people touched by both characters throughout the story (and their lives). This series isn’t perfect, but it is wonderful for exactly what it is—an emotional series following Kosei’s musical journey to work through his own grief. You are intended to feel these emotions as you read this series, and on that front, it succeeds brilliantly. Sorry…I think it just got dusty in here while I’m writing this conclusion… ~ MDMRN
Your Lie in April is published by Kodansha.
=====
Reader’s Corner is our way of embracing the wonderful world of manga, light novels, and visual novels, creative works intimately related to anime but with a magic all their own. Each week, our writers provide their thoughts on the works their reading—both those recently released as we keep you informed of newly published works and older titles that you might find as magical (or in some cases, reprehensible) as we do.
4 notes
·
View notes
ON THE ROAD AGAIN
Characters: GERARD WAY x Reader
Link to chapter four : https://writingforyourpleasure.tumblr.com/post/616411340391759872/on-the-road-again
Warnings : None
Author’s note: Hello ! Hope you’re all doing okay during those strange times ? Sorry for not posting but I had my en-of-the-year exam, but it’s now done and , I only got a few homework to hand-over now and my second year in college’ll be done !Here you go thank you to keep reading .
5. “ Pun-master “
You woke up, feeling something or someone moving in front of you . You started to groan at the uncomfortable feeling not wanting to get up just yet.
“And what owe me the pleasure to be assisted by your presence tonight sir Way?” You said while looking for plates.
The mass finally moved away , listening to your complains .
You woke up what felt just five minutes later but probably was in reality hours after it. Your eyes fluttered slowly as if they were disconnected from your brain. A light shine from the outside was peeking through your tinted window as soon as you truly started to wake up , you realized that Gerard wasn’t here anymore.
“Right…” You breathed out to yourself. Honestly you didn’t want to wake up. You were scared , scared of overthinking this , and because of that you actually was overthinking it . Your brain wasn’t playing on your favor . You didn’t knew how you were gonna survive today. The worst was, you didn’t knew how to act with Gerard , what happened yesterday night wasn’t that big of a deal, really , but again ; you were overthinking it . You just wanted to act normal with him , and was prying your brain to not let you down once you’ll see him. You felt so stupid for having a crush on one of your coworker and friends. You got up and hoped for the best.
You got out of your nest , only to find that you were alone in the bus and that you already had arrived into the next parking’s venue . You went directly to the kitchenette and groaned realized that you guys were short on coffee. You finally resigned yourself and went for the shower.
You got out of the bus a dozen of minutes later to find the parking lot empty except for the security that was already keeping everything on check. You checked your phone to see that it was 3pm . You had enough time, to get yourself a coffee somewhere and not stressing about when to comeback since you didn’t had to repeat with Dex or anything. You put back in your , old black Green Day’s hoodie, pocket your phone . You’ve dressed yourself as unfashionable as it is socially allowed , your laziness was clearly reflecting itself through most of your actions today. You put your headphones on , listening to the last Fever 333’s album and searched on google maps for the nearest Starbucks, once again a reflect of your laziness you figured.
You arrived to the welcoming smell of dirty beans being ground and hot milk.
Once you got your order you looked around for a seat since the place was pretty full, luckily you got one in front of the glass and on both sides what appeared to be two couples . Great. You hope that you’ll be lucky and won’t have to witness the same amount of smooshing in both of them. The teenage one , on your right , were the ones all over each other, with the boy groping at every part accessible of his what-you-presumed-to-be his girlfriend. The one on your left were two men in suits holding each other hands while talking , you sat facing the widow and the other empty seat. You got out of your backpack your sketch book and a pencil starting to draw people passing by while music took you in other world. A tap on your shoulder took you of guard , you got off your headphones .
“Yes ?” you turned around your head to see who was trying to get your attention.
“Hey, is this seat taken ?” Dex was smiling down at you with a big smile.
You said nothing instead kicking the seat in front of you, back to the glass for them to seat.
“I feel like it’s been a while since we talked .” Dex said sitting and looking expectantly at you.
“What are you talking ‘bout we talked just yesterday.” You said not looking up from your sketch book.
“Don’t play dumb y/n , you know what I mean. Like just the two of us ?” Dex sighed , seeing that you decided to not play cooperative . This time you did look up to your friend with a blank expression . Watching their eyebrows furrowed in confusion. It’s true , lately you tried to somewhat distance yourself since you were trying to figure out what the hell was happening with Gerard and you knew that being close to Dex would not help one second . Your friend knew how to read you even when you tried to hide something as well as you could. You had thinked that if Dex was about to ask questions it would make it weird since you were all working together . If you fucked up at any moments , you’ll have nowhere to hide and sometimes it can be a great deal of pain . But apparently you didn’t succeed not to make it awkward since your friend was not so happy that you act a little colder than usual . You were already fucking cold to any strangers , so to be cold to them was shitty. You sighed and run a hand through your now greasy hair . You needed to take a shower quickly , maybe it could wait after the show .
“Hey earth to y/n, hellooo?”
“Huh yeah sorry I was gone for a few…”
“Yeah no shit .”
“Sorry… like for all of it it’s true I’ve been kinda avoiding you guys.”
“Meh it happens , I mean it’s okay we all got our own problems.”
Dex tried to stay warm inside of the Starbucks but you could sense that being against a cold ass window wasn’t helped them to get the warmth that provided the Starbucks.
“I’m so cold….” They whispered as they took a gulp from their drink.
“Well….then stand in a corner .” You replied taking a large gulp of your hot drink too.
“What-Why ?”
“Think..”
“No….. please tell me it’s not because of what I think dude.”
“Coz’ corners are 90 degrees.” You said with a smug smile.
“Ho god …. Ok you know what maybe it’s for the best to be socially distant haha. It is so bad please do not do that again?”
“You’re asking way to much to the pun master .”
“More like the master of fucking nothing y’mean .”
“What did you said peasant , I think I didn’t quite hear that ?”
“Ho nothing .” said your friend smiling like a fool.
“Y/N I’m still fucking cold !” Said your friend trying to warm themselves up by rubbing strongly their arms.
“And how is that my problem , my dear?”
“Someday I really am going to kill you , y’know?” Told Dex between their teeth, with a little grunt along the way.
“Y/N , Can I borrow your scarf? I’m seriously freezing. ”
“Well I can’t turn into a heater for you now can I? So do you want me to set you on fire? Because, I mean it’s still an option? Like I have my lighter right here so….?” You joked while giving them your scarf.
They gave you a warning glance as if they believed you . Then on a very exasperate note they sighed and said :
“Why are you like this?”
You both laughed at that getting some curious looks from other clients. Once both of calmed down you try to get serious talking about the elephant in the room .
“Hey , can I ask your advice on something?”
“Absolutely , but I only advise communication, homosexuality, or murder.” Answered your friend earning a smug know-it-all smile out of you.
You were about to start to get off of your chest the whole “Hey I think I may or may not like the lead singer of the band for which we’re working for.” They cut you off.
“WAIT!”
“Yeah ?”
“Are you absolutely positive this isn’t dangerous or something?” They looked very serious about this , which had the reflex to make you roll your eyes deep inside your skull.
“I’m 95% sure, but yeah, I’ve failed fourth grade math so…” You decided to answer her stupid question with a stupid answer.
“Ho okay then we’re good I failed second grade! So just before we start , how long will this take ? I got to pick up my dog at the salon. «You both laughed at that. «No but like seriously we’ll have to go back to the bus eventually . Maybe tell me along the way back?”
“Alright , alright” You both got up from your seats and finally got out of the Starbucks.
“So huh, you remember when we got the 1 week break , alright?”
“Right. “
“Well huh, me and Gerard started talking by text pretty often during this time.”
“Ho. Did you now ?” They said waving their eyebrows in a suggestive way.
“No not like that calm down, you demon fuck .”
“Always a pleasure to fill my responsibilities.”
“You weirdo….” You whispered under your breath.
“Ho do not act if you aren’t even weirder man ! “
“Anyway, I just , I don’t know . I think, I think I may like him y’know?”
“Well it’s pretty comprehensible , I mean he’s hot .”
“I’m not talking about this you twat!”
“Ho c’mon you can’t say he isn’t !”
“Haha ,He is , I ‘ve sight too I’d let you know. It’s just not the point here .”
“You do? Sorry it’s hard to tell when you dress yourself like that .
“You bitch!” You choked on your drink , coughing violently.
“I’m just kind of dreading to really assuming the whole ‘hey by the way I’m hitting on you’ I don’t want to make it weird during the tour , when we’re not even at the half of it. And I don’t wish for everyone to see that I am hitting on him. I’m not ready.” You explained to Dex , not really wanting to expose everything you and Gerard said or do , foremost because there’s not that much to say
“Maybe not hitting on him is a good call since if you do I’m pretty sure he’s gonna freak out hearing your lame puns.”
“May I recall to you that I’m the pun-master AND the master of pickup lines ?”
“You completely suck at pickup lines, bro.”
“No I don’t !”
“The last time you tried one of you’re pickup lines was on this poor cute girl in Louisiana when you said ‘Are you Google –“
“CUZ YOU’RE EVERYTHING I’M SEARCHING FOR !!!”
“Yeah no wonder it didn’t worked !”
“I’m a genius , you’ll miss me when I’m gone.”
“You wish . So why are you’re feeling attracted to the guy ?”
“Well you see my kink is when people actually care about my feelings and what I have to say. And Since I know him he seems to correspond to this criteria , so I find it pretty attractive and hot since it’s my main kink.”
“Yeah , too unrealistic. Settle for bondage like the rest of us.”
“Where you ever nice Dex ?”
“2012, worst year of my life.” You laughed at what your friend said . “No but more seriously y/n, just let it happen y’know? And when you have the feeling that both of you are having a moment then maybe hit on him but stay subtle y’know?”
“I just want him to take me out…”
“Like, on a date or with a sniper ?”
“He’ll have to surprise me .” You both laughed before changing the subject to the little surprise you’ve both had planned for Max, since he was spending all of his nights and days working on your band , you wanted to do something nice for him. You bought a cookbook a few weeks ago for him as a present for the occasion, he often baked pastries as a distressful way to exhale from work time. Even though the bus condition made it hard to cook anything big it already was a good start. And you bought some bottle of Irish hard cider, since he had said it was the best thing he ever tasted when you all took a vacation to Dex family house there. After getting back to the bus everything went pretty fast , but the talk with Dex about Gerard was still playing in your mind. Ames saw that you were lost in your thoughts most of the time and ask you several times if everything was okay, you tried to act like you didn’t knew what he was talking about and you all moved on with your day . Mikey, Frank , Gerard and Ray were already in your bus when you had come back from your coffee session, and they yelled at you for not texting them and taking them with you. You brushed it off saying that next time you would. Gerard had tried to share looks with you during the day but you were too much caught up into your head to notice.
The show this night was nice and almost too short even if you guys took a ten minutes on My chemical romance planning since you played a special song. Once you were backstage Ames and Billy started their routines taking everything off stage to let place for the boys. To go faster Max offered to help them. It gave you and Dex a chance to run to the bus to prepare your little plan. You took any cushions , pillow and anything fluffy you could find , when you were done the bunks were quite a mess but you didn’t want to think of it since you still had to prepare the hard cider and the cake you brought from the Mark & Spencer’s not having too much time to find anything else. By the time everything was served , you knew that My chem was done with their show too , so you decided to prepare them a part too , you made a point to serve a apple juice instead of the cider for Gerard , not wanting him to feel excluded or anything. Max had been held backstage by Billy and Ames who were your dearest allies as ever.
You installed yourself with every plates and drinks giggling between the two of you alone in the bus to stupid jokes.
A knock made itself hear through the bus and Billy appeared into the kitchenette area before being followed by Ames and Max , who where looking at you with huge smiles spread across their face and a snort from the three of them.
“What the fuck did you do with our beds ?” Asked Max between a laugh.
“Well we did a pillow fort !” Answered Dex.
“Isn’t that a little childish ? “
“Does it means you don’t want to join us ?” You asked Max.
A silence swept through the bus.
“…Move over .” Said Max entering your huge pillow fort and already going for the cake and drink.
“Wait there’s a party and you guys didn’t told us about?! “Said Frank entering your bus.
You handed a plate in his direction , earning a smile from him before he arrived by your side as well as everyone else too.
Frank was on your right while Gerard was on your right and all of you were in a cercle eating and joking about stupid stuff.
“Hey you look better than this morning it’s good to see.” Whispered at your side Gerard offering a sweet smile before readjusting a few locks behind his ear.
“Well It’s because in the end we migrate towards comfort , and I realized that I am most comfortable around you , all of you.” You said returning a bright smile to the man.The night went along before Frank spoke up .
“Guys how are you gonna clean this mess to sleep tonight ?” Painful groans made themselves heard from all of you.
36 notes
·
View notes
Weird Asks That Say A Lot
I said I was going to just answer all of these bc of boredom,, and so here I am
1. Coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans? Teacups are aesthetically pleasing idc what anyone says
2. Chocolate bars or lollipops? Lollipops
3. Bubblegum or cotton candy? Cotton candy supremacy
4. How did your elementary school teachers describe you? I was told that I was a leader a lot, and was told that I was very intelligent. Ah yes, I suffered from gifted kid burn out in high school-
5. Do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups? Look, plastic cups are the best. Specifically the ones with the lids and reusable straws
6. Pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear? It truly depends on the day bc some days I would say goth and other days I’d say grunge, but most days- pastel
7. Earbuds or headphones? Earbuds
8. Movies or TV shows? TV shows bc- idk actually I’m just not a movie person
9. Favorite smell in the summer? I have a weird obsession with the smell of cheap sunscreen and I have no clue why
10. Game you were best at in p.e.? I hated gym in high school and rarely participated despite the teacher being irritated with me (truly she gave up after a few months bc I really did not care at all) HOWEVER- I went to town in volleyball and still enjoy playing volleyball v much
11. What do you have for breakfast on an average day? I don’t eat breakfast often,,,
12. Name of your favorite playlist? Probably my Navy or Indigo playlist
13. Lanyard or key ring? Key ring
14. Favorite non-chocolate candy? Anything green apple!!!
15. Favorite book you read as a school assignment? I actually genuinely enjoyed Romeo And Juliet tbh
16. Most comfortable position to sit in? I always curl up in a ball on the couch, but in a chair I manspread ngl
17. Most frequently worn pair of shoes? Nike slides <//3
18. Ideal weather? Between 50-70 degrees, sunny but not warm, being able to wear a hoodie and not be hot or cold
19. Sleeping position? I usually either sleep on my left side or on my stomach (my back once in a while when it’s hurting bc I’m a hag)
20. Preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)? I write on my phone more than anything
21. Obsession from childhood? Hm- I was really obsessed with High School Musical as a kid. My friend and I would put it on and lip sync to the songs and pretend we were the characters
22. Role model? Is it- wrong to say myself? Bc I feel like that sounds arrogant but genuinely it’s bc I’m constantly trying to better myself mentally and learn and grow. Idk I just am proud of who I am and look to myself when I need to find motivation
23. Strange habits? Strange? Idk if it’s strange but I’m constantly twiddling with the hem of my sleeves bc I love the feeling of it
24. Favorite crystal? Citrine
25. First song you remember hearing? WH- bitch idk tf
26. Favorite activity to do in warm weather? Stay tf inside in the air conditioning
27. Favorite activity to do in cold weather? Stay tf inside in the heat
28. Five songs to describe you? To describe me?? Girl idk I'm all over the place. How about songs that resonate with me instead,,, Alive by Khalid, Paranoid by Lauv, Phobia by Dvwn, Fake Smile by Ariana Grande, and Breathin by Ariana Grande
29. Best way to bond with you? Truly I'm not very difficult to get along with, just don't be an asshole. Talk to me about psychology, current events, say Soobin is the cutest to exist idk it's not that hard
30. Places that you find sacred? I- hm. I'm not like a church person or anything so idk. Maybe just anything really old or places with very detailed and unique architecture
31. What outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names? I don't own many clothes,,, let alone nice clothes. I also don't really dress to impress I'd much rather be comfortable
32. Top five favorite vines? Oh god if I h a d to pick???? The lipstick in the Valentino bag, they were roommates, it's an avocado- thaaanks, jared 19, and uh,,, zach stooppp you're gonna get in trouble
33. Most used phrase in your phone? Tbh it's probably "girl what-" or "no bc"
34. Advertisements you have stuck in your head? That 877-CASH-NOW ONE JFC
35. Average time you fall asleep? Between 11pm-1am
36. What is the first meme you remember ever seeing? Probably the troll face one or smth
37. Suitcase or duffel bag? Suitcase
38. Lemonade or tea? I mix them together!
39. Lemon cake or lemon meringue pie? Lemon meringue pie bc I don't really like cake
40. Weirdest thing to ever happen at your school? Y'all I- went to a hs/college mixed school,, I've seen it all. Weirdest?? Idk but one weird thing I remember was when we were making whistles in art and some dude made a penis whistle 😭
41. Last person you texted? My best friend :))
42. Jacket pockets or pants pockets? Jacket pockets
43. Hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket? Hoodie 100%
44. Favorite scent for soap? I love soaps that smell like soap. Like ok duh I know that sounds dumb but yk what I mean? I don't want lemon or mint or whatever, I like the plain soap smell
45. Which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero? Fantasy
46. Most comfortable outfit to sleep in? Oversized t-shirt, no pants. I question anyone that is comfortable sleeping with pants on-
47. Favorite type of cheese? Feta!
48. If you were a fruit, what kind would you be? I feel like I'd be a pineapple and I have no clue why
49. What saying or quote do you live by? Not necessarily a quote but more of a thought: live for yourself, enjoy each day, do what gives you joy
50. What made you laugh the hardest you ever have? I have had so many instances in which I have laughed so hard I peed and to even attempt to name one is impossible
51. Current stresses? Making sure my family gets their vaccines and stays safe
52. Favorite font? I don't think I have one? Anything except comic sans
53. What is the current state of your hands? What does this even mean 💀 I mean,, they're holding my phone, cold, and my nails are unpolished
54. What did you learn from your first job? That people are assholes but I'm capable of not giving a fuck bc life is not that damn serious
55. Favorite fairy tale? Is The Three Little Pigs considered a fairy tale?
56. Favorite tradition? Putting up the Christmas tree with my mom :( it's always a lot of fun
57. The three biggest struggles you’ve overcome? Depression, grief, and hopefully one day- smth I'm currently dealing with
58. Four talents you’re proud of having? Makeup!! But also: singing, crying on command, and tying cherry stems with my tongue
59. If you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? Sick of these bitches
60. If you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be? I don't watch anime so idk
61. Favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.? It's this line from Eleanor & Park: "Eleanor was right: She never looked nice. She looked like art, and art wasn't supposed to look nice; it was supposed to make you feel something."
62. Seven characters you relate to? Holy hell, 7?? Probably won't get that many but hm,,, Darlene from Roseanne, Hermione from Harry Potter, Emily from Pretty Little Liars maybe?? Idk I suddenly blanked
63. Five songs that would play in your club? As if it's Your Last by BP, anything from SHINee, anything from Ariana, also anything Rihanna, just a bunch of women tbh
64. Favorite website from your childhood? FUCKING WEBKINZ BRO
65. Any permanent scars? I have a few on my arms idk where they came from tbh, I also have one on my hand from my sister 🧍🏻♀
66. Favorite flower(s)? Sunflowers!!! I also really love lilacs 💔
67. Good luck charms? My dog's collar that I wear as a bracelet
68. Worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried? Licorice-
69. A fun fact that you don’t know how you learned? It takes repeating a piece of information 12 times at random to memorize it completely
70. Left or right handed? Right
71. Least favorite pattern? Fucking chevron- and realistic camo, and anything with the American flag
72. Worst subject? Yall im awful at history. American history, world history, all of it-
73. Favorite weird flavor combo? Either pickles and peanut butter or cheese and grapes
74. At what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen? I'm stubborn but also always in pain so I've become numb to a lot of body pains. I have to be at like a 7-8 before I take smth otherwise I'd always be taking it
75. When did you lose your first tooth? I was probably like 5 I was definitely in Kindergarten
76. What’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)? I fw baked potatoes
77. Best plant to grow on a windowsill? I have a love for succulents
78. Coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store? Oh my- I don't drink coffee but coffee from a gas station
79. Which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo? Driver's license for sure
80. Earth tones or jewel tones? Jewel tones
81. Fireflies or lightning bugs? I say both,, but I think I say lightning bugs more
82. PC or console? PC
83. Writing or drawing? Both
84. Podcasts or talk radio? Podcasts definitely
84. Barbie or polly pocket? Barbie
85. Fairy tales or mythology? Fairy tales
86. Cookies or cupcakes? C o o k i e s
87. Your greatest fear? Losing people I love
88. Your greatest wish? To live comfortably and be a great mother
89. Who would you put before everyone else? My family
90. Luckiest mistake? Guessing on 90% of a test and getting an A 💀
91. Boxes or bags? Bags are easier to carry-
92. Lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights? Fairy lights!!
93. Nicknames? Sam, Sammi, my sister calls me Sams, my best friend calls me Bub, and my gf calls me Baby if that counts- 👀
94. Favorite season? Fall omg it's gorgeous and has perfect temperatures
95. Favorite app on your phone? ✨tumblr✨
96. Desktop background? Its literally a pic of Soobin, Taehyun, and Beomgyu
97. How many phone numbers do you have memorized? Like 4-5
98. Favorite historical era? The one where white people learn their fucking place and stop being racist, homophobic, classist, sexist, all the -ists and -phobics,,,, so none. Fuck history :))
3 notes
·
View notes
Every single prompt I have written?
I think that this is every prompt that I’ve done so far, as of 28/03/2020
1. “Come to bed with me?”
2. “Do you even still love me?”
3. “I think you’re bleeding…”
4. “Get off my foot!”
“Get your foot out from underneath my foot.”
5. “Shh, it’s okay, you don’t need to cry.”
6. “I can’t sleep.”
7. “Why did you lie to me?”
8. “Don’t move, they hit your head really hard.”
9. “Have a good day.”
“Don’t tell me what to do.”
10. “Do you want a bedtime story?”
11. “Are you sure that you have enough blankets?”
12. “Get out. I am done with you.”
13. “That looks broken. You need a doctor.”
14. “Oh, you can go to hell.”
“Stop threatening me with a good time.”
15. “[mama/papa]’s got you.”
16. “I need a hug. Please?”
17. “Isn’t it your bedtime?”
“Hypocrite.”
“Come to bed with me then.”
18. “I love you, but please, shut up.”
19. “Don’t touch me.”
20. “I can’t stand the sight of you right now. Get away from me.”
21. “I said that I never wanted to see you again. Why are you here?”
“I just wanted to help!”
22. “Please… I am begging you, just open your eyes. Please. You can’t die.”
23. “I’m not hurt.”
“You are actively bleeding.”
“Oh. So I am.”
24. “Don’t pass out on me now, we’re nearly home.”
25. “Isn’t this illegal?”
“Yes, but technically no.”
26. “Penny for your thoughts?”
“If my thoughts are only worth a penny, I shall keep it to myself.”
27. “Did you just stab me?”
28. “…How on earth did you manage to get up there?”
29. “Put the cookie down, eat your dinner first.”
30. “I think I can feel them kicking!”
31. “Are you asleep?”
“Not anymore.”
32. “What if I don’t get better? What if I am broken?”
33. “That is going to leave a really nasty scar.”
34. “Nothing could go wrong, you said. Well guess what? Everything has gone wrong!”
35. “Quick, I think the baby is coming!”
36. “You made me breakfast in bed? What did you do this time?”
37. “I trusted you.”
38. “I don’t… I don’t feel good.”
39. “Come any closer and I will hit you with this book. I swear to God!”
40. “Where did you put your blankie this time.”
41. “Can you check for monsters under the bed?”
42. “You broke my heart.”
43. “Hey, are you alright?”
“Do I look alright to you?”
44. “That best not be the last of the milk… Oh you bastard.”
45. “One little shoe. Two little shoes. All ready to go out.”
46. “It’s just a bad dream. I’ve got you, it’s okay.”
47. “I wish that I never had met you.”
48. “It’s so cold.”
“You need to hold on a bit longer, you are going to be fine. Just stay awake a little longer.”
49. “Roses are red, violets are blue- ow. Fuck you!”
50. “They have grown so much, it’s hard to believe how little they used to be.”
51. “Have you stolen my shirt?”
52. “Stop lying to me!”
53. “I can’t breathe.”
54. “Okay, start from the beginning, you lost me right after you said that you punched someone.”
“That was the first thing that I said.”
55. “I want another baby.”
56. “I never want you to feel like you are alone.”
57. “You are the worst mistake I have ever made.”
58. “Where am I?”
“Are you day drinking?”
“It’s apple juice, not whiskey.”
59. “Say goodbye to mama and papa, they’ll be back soon.”
60. “Kiss me.”
61. “You loved me!”
“Loved. Past tense.”
62. “Don’t go. Please. I can’t lose you.”
63. “Do you pinky promise?”
“What are you? Five?”
64. “Stomach bug?”
“No, morning sickness.”
65. “I feel safe in your arms.”
66. “Am I just a game to you?”
67. “I’ve got you, you are going to be okay.”
68. “Lunch?”
“It’s half seven. In the evening.”
“Dinner then?”
69. “It could be worse?”
“They got jam everywhere!”
70. “I dreamed about you last night. I woke up happy.”
71. “Stop pretending to care.”
72. “Please tell me that isn’t all your blood.”
73. “What are you reading?”
74. “You really are your [mother/father]’s child.”
75. “I was thinking, you, me, the bottle of wine in the kitchen and sitting in front of the fire. Thoughts?”
“Yes please.”
76. “You hurt me!”
77. “You’re burning up.”
78. “I don’t mean to alarm you, but the spider in the shower is frankly massive.”
79. “So… the baby is fine, I want you to know that first, they are absolutely fine.”
“What did you do?”
80. “Thank you for looking after me.”
“For you I would do anything.”
81. “Wouldn’t you rather be with [him/her/them]?”
82. “I think you need to see a doctor.”
83. “You didn’t see anything.”
“Yes, I did. I saw all of it.”
84. “They won’t stop crying and, in a minute, I think I am going to start crying too.”
85. “Are you wearing a new lip balm? It tastes really good.”
86. “You ripped my heart to pieces. Did it even hurt when you left?”
87. “It’s just a bit of blood. I’m fine.”
88. “I will make dinner if you don’t speak for the rest of the afternoon.”
89. “Stop wiggling! I need to get you changed!”
90. “Do you have a reason to get out of bed today? Let’s just stay here as long as we can.”
91. “Did you ever love me, or was it just an act?”
92. “It’s just a nightmare. I’ve got you.”
93. “Can I adopt the stray cat out in the street?”
“Do you want fleas? Because that is how you get fleas.”
94. “You are perfect, my little [pet name].”
95. “Stop smiling at me like that, I am trying to concentrate.”
96. “I feel like no one could ever love me.”
97. “Take a deep breath.”
“It hurts.”
“I know, but you have to breath.”
98. “Do we have any cookies in? No? I’m making cookies.”
99. “Did you have a bad dream?”
“Uh huh.”
“Come on, get into bed with us, you can sleep in bed with us tonight.”
100. “Can I kiss you?”
101. “Leave me alone. I don’t want to talk to anyone right now.”
102. “You’re going to be okay, just breath. Oh god… is that bone?”
103. “What would you do if I said that I may have burnt the dinner?”
104. “Take a break. I’ll stay up with them, you need some sleep.”
105. “Yes, you look great in my shirt. But I kind of need it back.”
106. “Go ahead, leave, I am not going to stop you.”
107. “That hit hard, are you okay?”
108. “The amount of alcohol I am going to need to forget this is going to kill me.”
109. “How did you get pen that high up the wall?”
110. “I am madly in love with you.”
“Why?”
“I don’t have a clue.”
111. “You’ll come crawling back to me.”
“Never.”
112. “Please breath, please… oh god.”
113. “I may have… mildly panicked?”
“You shot at me!”
114. “Please don’t vomit on me. Please don’t vomit on me. Please don’t… You vomited on me.”
115. “Kiss me. Now.”
116. “Please don’t say that, I don’t think I can take it.”
117. “Did you get shot?”
118. “You drank my coffee? Why must you hurt me in this way?”
119. “How many coffees is that?”
“You try having a toddler who refuses to go to bed.”
120. “May I have this dance?”
121. “Fuck off and fall off a cliff.”
122. “Don’t you dare die on me, you promised me!”
123. “What do you mean you aren’t interested in me, it’s me!”
124. “It’s your bedtime.”
“Can I have a story?”
“I just read you a story.”
“’nother story?”
125. “Hold me, please?”
126. “I’d have stayed, if you had asked me to.”
127. “It hurts.”
“I know, it is going to be okay, I promise.”
“It burns, please… Make it stop.”
128. “Hungry?”
“Depends on if you are cooking or we are going out.”
129. “I just put them down for a nap. We probably have an hour of peace.”
130. “Did you make me breakfast in bed? I think that I love you.”
131. “I’m sorry, but I didn’t have a choice.”
“There’s always a choice!”
132. “Your nose is bleeding.”
133. “No, I am not playing spin the bottle with you.”
“But it will be fun!”
“There are only two people here!”
134. “Fuck.”
“Fuck!”
“No. Don’t repeat that. It’s a naughty word.”
“Fuck.”
135. “Happy birthday!”
136. “After everything you put me through, you come here and ask for my help? How dare you!”
137. “Hey, you passed out, stay laying down for a bit longer.”
138. “Did you just get dragged through a bush, or are you always this messy?”
“I couldn’t find a comb.”
139. “If the kid can nap, am I allowed to as well?”
140. “Look up. Mistletoe.”
141. “Bite me.”
142. “How did I get here?”
“I had to carry you. You hit your head really hard.”
143. “How do you feel about killing spiders?”
“Where is it?”
144. “When mummy and daddy love each other very much…”
145. “Don’t you just look absolutely stunning?”
“You are biased.”
“I am your partner, I am allowed to be.”
146. “I hate you so much.”
“I know. I deserve it.”
147. “I’m calling the doctor.”
“I am fine.”
“You really aren’t.”
148. “Why are you on the floor? Did you fall?”
“Would you believe me if I said no?”
149. “Can you tidy your toys away please? Preferably before I break my neck tripping over a stuffed turtle.”
150. “Did you sleep last night? At all?”
“God no, what do you take me for?”
151. “Get out!”
“Please let me explain.”
“Out!”
152. “it could be worse.”
“You aren’t the one bleeding.”
“Look, you are still alive. Stop whining.”
153. “Pass me that would you- no, no the other one. On your left. No… your other left.”
154. “Hush little baby don’t say a word, mummy has a headache and your crying hurts.”
155. “You and me, together. We’re unbeatable. We can go against all odds and come out on top.”
156. “Who the hell do you think you are?”
“Well-“
“That was rhetorical.”
157. “Are you bleeding?”
“We don’t have time to deal with it. I’ll be fine.”
158. “Is this heaven?”
“Well, judging by your presence here, hell.”
“Oh. So I am dead?”
159. “Is it wrong for me to wish that they never grow up and I can keep my baby forever?”
“I kind of want that too.”
160. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“I am just… speechless. You look beautiful.”
161. “Don’t touch me!”
162. “Walk it off.”
“I don’t know if I can walk.”
163. “Alright, which one of you idiots left your shoes out for me to trip over again?”
164. “Open wide. Come on, eat your dinner!”
“It probably tastes awful.”
“It doesn’t- okay. No, it is pretty bad.”
165. “I’ve had nightmares. That was like a living hell.”
166. “Did you sleep well?”
“Only because you were with me.”
167. “Love me!”
“I love you. Now shut up and go to sleep.”
168. “Don’t move. The spider is on your shoulder.”
169. “How many stitches?”
“Eight. But I think I just ripped two of them out.”
170. “Can I sleep in here? I don’t like the storm.”
“Scared of a little thunder?”
171. “You’re dripping blood everywhere.”
“Sorry, is there a place you’d prefer I stand and bleed?”
“The bathroom. It’s easier to clean up.”
172. “Let’s play a game.”
“Oh no, you are a cheat. I’m not playing against you.”
173. “Bite me.”
“Have you ever said that and been bitten?”
“More times than I’d like to admit.”
174. “Pour us a drink would you? It’s been a long day.”
“Whiskey, brandy, wine or water?”
“If you pour me a glass of water I may actually leave you.”
175. “Get out the shower! You’ve been in there for hours!”
176. “I’ll get the first aid kit.”
“I’m fine.”
“You’re a liar. Sit down and let me patch you up.”
177. “Mama.”
“Did they just… Was that their first word?
178. "I’m going to the shops. Needs anything?”
“A will to live. And coffee.”
“A will to live sounds expensive. I’ve got a tenner.”
“Coffee and chocolate then. Close enough.”
179. “Shit it’s on fire.”
“What did you do?!”
180. “How’s the baby doing?”
“They won’t stop crawling underneath the bed.”
181. “How do you feel?”
“Like I’ve been stabbed.”
“Have… Have you been stabbed?”
“A little bit.”
182. “Why are you in a tree?”
“Why aren’t you in a tree?”
“Are you stuck?”
183. “Let’s get a pet.”
“There’s a spider in the kitchen. That’ll do.”
184. “What time is it?”
“Way too early.”
185. “Bed time.”
“I’m an adult.”
“An adult who has been up for nearly thirty six hours, go to bed. Before I drag you up there myself.”
186. “Did you have a good dream?”
“Yeah, you were there.”
187. “What did you do this time?”
“What makes you think I did something?”
“The black eye is a bit of a give away.”
188. “I’m begging you. Please. Please. Just wake up. I need you to wake up. I can’t be without you. Wake up, please.”
189. “What did you do to [her/him]? Tell me!”
190. “I’m actually going to smack you in a minute.”
“Go for it.”
191. “What are you doing?”
“Wasting time.”
192. “You’re bleeding.”
“I know.”
193. “This is going to really hurt.”
“I know, just do it.”
194. “Let’s just get really drunk.”
“Bad day?”
“Bad doesn’t cover it. We have wine in, right?”
195. “Tuck me into bed?”
“You are an adult.”
“So?”
196. “Kiss me, please?”
“Nah.”
“Fine, I will kiss someone else.”
“No, don’t do that!”
197. “Come to bed. I sleep better with you there.”
198. “It would be better if you just forgot me.”
199. “I don’t want to talk about it, just leave me alone.”
200. “I love you.”
“But I don’t love you.”
201. “Where did you get that scar from?
202. “Hold still, I think it’s broken, I can set it, but this will really hurt.”
203. “I haven’t slept in days. The nightmares won’t stop.”
204. “Wake up, I think someone else is here.”
205. “One drink, two drink, three drink, floor!”
206. “How is the hangover?”
“You can great straight to hell, do not pass go, do not collect two hundred pounds.”
207. “I love mummy.”
“What about me?”
“Just mummy.”
208. “Your brat keeps kicking me in the kidney.”
“How come you say they’re mine whenever they are doing that?”
209. “First day of school, are we excited?”
“No.”
210. “Stay in bed a little longer. It is warm here.”
“Alright, five more minutes, then I have to get up.”
211. “I want to hate you, I really do. You repulse me. So why can’t I stay away from you?”
212. “Does it hurt here?”
“Everywhere hurts.”
213. “Are you cheating?”
“What makes you think that?”
“Because you cannot have three aces when I have two.”
214. “They’re asleep. We finally have some time to… and you are already asleep.”
215. “How do you always look so kissable?”
216. “How could you do it? To me?”
“I’m sorry.”
“I don’t think sorry is going to fix this.”
217. “Oh god I think I am going to throw up.”
218. “Cup of coffee?”
“God?”
“I… I don’t think I am.”
219. “Is… Is it mine?”
“Bastard, of course it’s yours!”
220. “I just want to steal you away to somewhere private and have my wa- oh! I didn’t see you there.”
“I gathered.”
221. “I wish that I had never loved you.”
222. “I can’t stop the bleeding. Please, I need help.”
223. “Ow shit!”
“Language.”
“Ow Merde!”
224. “I go away for six months and I come home, and you have a baby.”
225. “Will you be my Valentine?”
226. “I got you a gift.”
“Why?”
“It’s Valentines day today?”
227. “A candlelit dinner?”
“Anything for you my dear.”
228. “Why are there roses all over the bed?”
“Valentines day?”
“You can tidy that mess up.”
229. “I made dinner reservations.”
“So did I. Surprise?”
230. “Supri- oh shit you’re not [insert character name].”
“Oh god! What the hell? Where are your clothes?”
231. “There are flowers on the doorstep.”
“Who from?”
“I think that you have a secret admirer.”
232. “I guess that you could say that I am a hopeless romantic.”
“I would have just stopped at hopeless.”
233. “I love you.”
“I know. No, I’m just joking! I love you too!”
234. “Happy Valentines day.”
“I didn’t think we would do anything for it.”
“I changed my mind, I wanted to treat you.”
235. “You. Me. Quarantined for two weeks. Anything could happen.”
“Yeah. I may kill you. Or we may both get sick.”
236. “You know, in thirteen years, we could get a quaranteen out of this.”
“I think that I would rather just get sick. Thanks though.”
237. “You have quite a high temperature.”
“Do… Does that mean you think I’m hot?”
“And you are clearly delirious.”
238. “You are coughing an awful lot, you really should be in bed.”
239. “We should do what they did in Edinburgh.”
“Which was?”
“Anyone who was sick got bricked into their homes and left to die.”
“Oh… No, we aren’t doing that.”
240. “We are running out of milk.”
“God, I hate black coffee.”
“Maybe someone shouldn’t have got sick then?”
241. “Is this necessary?”
“You sneezed. You get locked away.”
242. “If you cough on me, I will end you.”
243. “If this kills us, I am glad that I got to spend my last few days with you.”
“It’s a bloody cold.”
244. “I wonder what the world will be like when we can go outside again.”
“It’s two weeks, not two decades.”
245. “I made you some tea.”
“Thank you.”
“But I am not coming into your room, I’ll leave it out here.”
246. “I made you some soup. Open your mouth, I just want to check your temperature first.”
247. “I just want… chocolate.”
“We have three days left. Then you can eat so much chocolate that you are sick.”
“That is the plan.”
248. “I have nothing to read.”
“What about those books on your bedside table?”
“I’ve been inside for ten days. I’ve finished them.”
249. “I can’t believe that I want to be exercising right now. Anything that isn’t these same four walls for another week.”
250. “I am so bored. I would do anything right now.”
“Anything?”
“Anything but you.”
251. “How many rounds of snap have we played?”
“Um… Thirty-six. It’s not my fault you’re bad at any other card game.”
252. “How long will we be inside for?”
“Fourteen days.”
“This isn’t enough coffee.”
253. “I swear there is mistletoe everywhere.”
254. “Close your eyes. I want to surprise you.”
“I hate surprises.”
“You’ll like this one.”
255. “Mince pie?”
“Raisons disgust me.”
“I made them myself.”
“I suppose that it couldn’t hurt to try one.”
256. “You are awful with wrapping paper.”
“I nearly gave up and just wrapped myself up instead.”
257. “What are you doing?”
“Tying a ribbon around you.”
“Why?”
“You’re a gift.”
258. “Do you think you can survive Christmas with my parents?”
“Can you?”
“We are going to need a lot of alcohol.”
259. “I think it’s snowing.”
“I think I am not leaving the house today.”
260. “We need hot chocolate, cream and marshmallows.”
261. “We should go ice skating.”
“I don’t know how to skate.”
“That’s fine, I could do with a good laugh.”
262. “You forgot to get them a present, didn’t you?”
“I didn’t realise that we were actually doing anything for Christmas!”
“A fool’s error.”
263. “Do I get a kiss at midnight?”
“Depends.”
“On?”
“If I am still awake. And sober.”
264. “I think that I am on the naughty list.”
“Oh yes, you definitely are.”
62 notes
·
View notes
-
About my day | Bold what is also true for you :
I woke up around 8AM.
I woke up without an alarm.
I woke up nude.
I woke up and drank water immediately.
I checked my phone right when I woke up.
I checked my TikTok notifications.
I checked my Facebook notifications.
I then checked my email.
I then went downstairs.
I got dressed to go out.
I was in the passenger seat of the car today.
I wore a hat today.
I put concealer on.
I put foundation on.
I put on powder.
I used a beauty blender.
I didn’t brush my hair today.
I wore ugg boots.
I wore jeans.
I wore a zip-up.
I went out to breakfast.
I had 3 cups of coffee.
I had a glass of ice water.
I had pancakes.
I had a bagel.
^ with cream cheese.
I saw friends today.
I saw my boyfriend today.
I saw my goddaughter today.
I gave someone a hug.
I gave someone a kiss.
I pet a cat today.
I uploaded video.
I took a photo today.
I updated that photo to Instagram.
I’m currently listening to music.
I’m currently on my laptop.
I’m currently in PJ’s.
I’m currently surprisingly comfortable.
I took a shower.
I took a shower but not alone ;)
I have the heat on currently.
I wore a bracelet today.
I wore a ring today.
I listened to the radio.
I listened to music on Apple Music.
I didn’t post a Facebook status today.
I checked the fridge and saw nothing appetizing.
I washed my face.
I used rose water spray on my face.
I used a face moisturizer.
I googled a celebrity.
I had cheese and crackers.
I may take a nap soon.
I saw my mom today.
I saw my sister today.
I thought about calling my dad today.
I’m not currently wearing socks.
I’m not alone in the room currently.
It’s windy out today.
It hailed out today.
I’m really thirsty.
I’m too lazy to get up and get myself a drink right now.
I paid for something with cash today.
I thought about cleaning my room but didn’t…
I listened to God’s Plan by Drake today.
I didn’t blow-dry my hair today.
I’m gonna play video games soon.
I’m going to take some more surveys after this.
I drank something out of the carton today.
I’m not leaving the house for the rest of the day.
I can see my pet from where I am currently.
There is a TV to my right.
There are headphones to my left.
It’s Sunday today.
I have work tomorrow.
I got in a small argument today.
I told someone I loved them today.
-
1. had sex?
2. bought condoms?
3. gotten pregnant?
4. failed a class?
5. kissed a boy?
6. kissed a girl?
7. used a little paper bag for lunch?
8. had a job?
9. slipped on ice?
10. missed the school bus?
11. left the house without my wallet?
12. bullied someone on the internet?
13. sexted?
14. had sex in public?
15. played on a sports team?
16. smoked weed?
17. smoked cigarettes?
18. smoked a cigar?
19. drank alcohol? .
20. watched “The Breakfast Club”?
21. been overweight?
22. been underweight?
23. had an eating disorder?
24. been to a wedding?
25. made fun of someone for being fat?
26. been on the computer for 5 hours straight?
27. watched tv for 5 hours straight?
28. been late for work?
29. been late for school?
30. kissed in the rain?
31. showered with someone else?
32. failed my drivers test?
33. ran a mile in less than 10 minutes?
34. been outside my home country?
35. been on a road trip longer than 5 hours?
36. had lice?
37. gotten my heart broken?
38. had a credit card?
39. been to a professional sports game?
40. broken a bone?
41. been unhappy about my weight?
42. won a trophy?
43. cut myself?
44. had an STD?
45. got engaged?
46. been on a diet?
47. tried out to be on a tv show?
48. rode in a taxi?
49. been to prom?
50. played a drinking game?
51. stayed up for 24 hours or more?
52. been to a concert?
53. had a three-some?
54. had a crush on someone of the same sex?
55. been in a car accident?
56. had braces?
57. learned another language?
58. killed an animal?
59. been at a yard sale?
60. been to a Japanese steakhouse?
61. wore make up?
62. talked to someone via webcam?
63. lost my virginity before I was 16?
64. had my wisdom teeth taken out?
65. kissed someone a different race than myself?
66. snuck out of the house?
67. bought porn?
68. had a virus on my computer?
69. had oral sex?
70. dyed my hair?
71. gone skinny dipping?
72. graduated from college?
73. wore someone else’s clothes?
74. voted in a presidential election?
75. rode in an ambulance?
76. rode in a helicopter?
77. caught the stove on fire?
78. got in a verbal fight?
79. met someone famous?
80. been on vacation?
81. been on a boat?
82. been on an airplane?
83. broken something expensive?
84. had surgery?
85. kissed someone before I was 14?
86. beat a video game?
87. found something valuable on the ground?
88. made a survey?
89. stalked someone on a social network?
90. prank called someone?
91. spent over $100 shopping in one day?
92. been to a library outside of school?
93. cut my hair and hated it?
94. peed outside?
95. went fishing?
96. helped with charity?
97. taken a pregnancy test?
98. been rejected by a crush?
99. been suspended from school?
100.broken a mirror?
-
2008 was a horrible year for me.
Actually, it was the best.
I’ve been on a cruise before.
I like chemistry more than biology.
I like taking surveys more than making them.
I absolutely despise the color pink.
I don’t have a significant other.
I get all four seasons where I live.
I only shop when I absolutely have the need to.
I have an older brother.
I have my driver’s license.
I don’t want to have kids someday.
I wear more jeans than skirts.
I’d rather wear sneakers than high heels.
I don’t go to church.
I don’t like having my fringe in my face.
I’m very much into heavy metal music.
I own like, a hundred hoodies.
I couldn’t draw to save my life.
I’m a very good cook.
I always have to look at the keyboard when I type.
I’ve had surgery before.
I don’t mind getting shots all that much.
I’m not afraid of bugs.
I love hot, hot weather!
I have huge eyes and long lashes.
I’m naturally very pale.
I’m usually not very picky at all when it comes to food.
My parents are divorced.
I don’t like doing surveys, but I find myself doing them anyway.
I’m addicted to Tumblr.
I don’t have a Facebook account.
I have perfect vision and don’t need glasses or contacts.
I don’t wear makeup when I go out.
I hate stores like Forever 21.
I’m very much into sports.
I don’t see what the big deal about photography is.
Or fashion design.
I don’t really appreciate art that much.
Horror movies are my favorite.
I don’t care if people cut in line in front of me.
I don’t even remember the last time I put on a piece of jewelry.
My hair is naturally straight.
I support gay marriage.
I have more friends online than I do in real life.
My siblings are all older than I am.
My significant other is younger than I am.
I curse in almost every sentence I speak.
I always get straight A’s in exams.
I don’t know how to play any instrument.
I only know how to speak one language.
I don’t have my own personal blog.
I’m allergic to something.
I’ve been stung by a bee at least once in my life.
This is the last survey I’m doing today.
I have seen someone propose in public before.
And they got rejected, poor bloke.
I wonder if I will ever get proposed in public.
Heck I don’t even know if I’ll ever get married.
I know what a sake bomb is.
I’ve tried it before.
I’ve watched ‘Paris Hilton’s My New BFF’.
^ Ew, sad much?
I think Paris Hilton is a brainless bitch.
I celebrate Chinese New Year.
I’m not Chinese or a tiny bit Asian at all.
I have a step-sibling.
I have a weak tolerance of alcohol.
Are you kidding me? I can drink all night long!
I want a new cell phone.
I have my own bathroom.
I sleep on a single bed.
Nah, I have a King/Queen size bed!
I think one night stands are no biggie.
^ Slut
^Prude
I’ve been on a helicopter before.
I’m actually afraid of heights.
My date rented a limo to take me to prom.
Pfft, I wish I had a date.
I haven’t had my prom yet.
I like clicking on advertisements.
Pop-up ads are so old school.
I recently took a bath.
I never bother, I just take showers.
My Christmas holidays were the bomb!
Ugh, mine sucked like hell.
I’d love to go to Japan one day.
I’ve seen a ghost before.
^ I’d pee in my pants if I did.
^ No, I’d run and scream.
I can write lyrics!
I can, but I’m not very good at it.
I would like to become a musician one day.
I love finding things in sofa cracks.
I know someone that’s trying very hard to fit in a stereotype.
Every cup of water I drink equals to a trip to the toilet.
I recently received my exam results.
They were quite good!
Nope, failed it all.
It’s my boyfriend’s birthday today.
He never gives me gifts.
He buries me with them.
I wish I had a boyfriend that actually spends money on me!
I love him very much.
The Beatles rock my world.
Actually, a lot of classic rock bands rock my world.
It takes me a really long while to get to sleep.
I’m a personality quiz fiend.
I am and have always been a night owl.
I love reading Sarah Dessen books.
My earphones are in my ears practically 24/7.
I am an only child and that’s not because of any death.
I hate school and everything else connected to it.
I’ve never been in any romantic relationship.
I have a lot of favorite names.
And I plan to use those names on my kids.
I’m reading a comic book right now.
I’m listening to music right now.
I memorize lyrics really easily.
But memorizing stuff for school isn’t easy at all.
Math is my worst enemy.
I love bolding surveys. Nice and easy.
I pick Guitar Hero over Rock Band.
I really don’t mind being all alone.
1 note
·
View note