#but she very clearly realized that and immediately felt horrible about it

[bisexualbuckleyy]

the umbrella academy fandom really said all of the siblings can fuck up and do horrible things and lash out because of their trauma. except for the black woman cause that’s not allowed

#seeing some really shit takes on allison’s character this season #literally all of them have done horrible shit #ALL OF THEM #and yes i agree what she did to luther was absolutely not okay #but she very clearly realized that and immediately felt horrible about it #but like this woman has been bottling up her negative emotions for two years and losing claire finally tipped her over the edge #i can really understand where she’s coming from #that doesn’t mean that anything she did was okay but she made some good points #but like i literally saw so many people saying they hate her now or that they want the writers to kill her off #like what the fuck??? #everyone else can be a complex and nuanced character but god forbid the black woman is anything but flawless #the umbrella academy #allison hargreeves #tua s3 #tua spoilers

[violetrainbow412-blog]

Hi, I was wondering if you still accept requests because I read your Wonka fics and find them very cute and wanted to ask if I could also make a request. And that is that the reader has sleep problems and asks Willy finally what she can do about it as soon as she no longer knows what to do and he makes a certain chocolate for her so that she can sleep better again? (Something fluffy please) Thank you!

A sweet remedy [W. W]

Willy Wonka x fem!reader

word count: 1.2k

note: I'm sorry it took me so long, these weeks I was covering a full shift and with the holidays I barely had time to do anything, but I'm back now! And I hope you like it

taglist: @dyieying @reallysparklychaos [Timothée masterlist]

While you were scrubbing one of the most difficult sheets you had had to wash during the day you felt your eyelids begin to close, at first little by little, and at times completely. It wasn't until you fell against the tub full of soapy water and stood up with a scream at the temperature that you realized you really had a problem.

"What happened? Are you okay?" Piper asked, immediately approaching while you struggled to keep the detergent from getting into your eyes and mouth.

“Yes, everything is fine,” you lied. Everyone had already gathered around you and shame was taking over your body. “I just… I slipped"

“Here's a towel,” said a familiar and loving voice, which belonged to your recent but quite dear friend.

Willy approached you and wrapped the towel around you, carefully, while he helped you clean your face. Once you could see more clearly you noticed that everyone seemed worried and you honestly didn't blame them. Your face reflected the lack of sleep you had had during the last few weeks, coming from a previously unknown cause. The only thing you knew was that the insomnia was literally killing you.

"Are you sure you are alright?" now Abacus murmured. You nodded again and smiled at everyone, imploring them to let the moment pass.

When you were dry enough you continued with your tasks, but you could feel your friend's dissatisfied gaze from across the room, as if he were the only one unwilling to ignore your recent strange behaviors: you were distracted, you seemed to leave mentally out of nowhere and this wasn't the first incident where you practically passed out on a dangerous surface.

At some point you had to carry a cart of sheets to the drying area and that's when he hurried to follow you.

“Let me help you,” he exclaimed, smiling in your direction as he held the cart you were pushing.

“I'm fine,” you said, to reassure him, because you knew that he had approached you to monitor your mood.

One by one you took out the sheets and began to put them in the dryer. The process would take a while, so you guys had a few minutes to chat, after all you knew the others wouldn't mind.

You leaned against the old machine, feeling the vibration on your lower back, and he did the same. The distance was so close that your hip was touching his, turning any conversation into a private one.

“Are you sick or something? We can get a doctor, if so”

“I'm sick, but I don't think it's that kind of illness,” you sighed.

"What do you mean?"

It was useless to keep hiding things from him, and who knows... that ingenious mind might even find a solution.

“I can't sleep, Willy. I don't understand why I can't, but I've had problems with that. I think it's called insomnia, or something like that” you began to explain, crossing your arms as if you wanted to protect yourself from the vulnerability “And it's horrible and it makes me feel stupid. I mean, who can't do something as easy as sleep?”

“Sometimes I don't get it either. There is nothing to be ashamed of.”

“Yes, I know, but…” you started moving your hands in the air, trying to find the right words to express yourself, “it's different. And I don't know what to do anymore, I can't sleep during the day because we work and I honestly feel like I'm going to collapse at any moment.”

Even though he was listening to you attentively, he didn't know how to respond for a moment.

“Do you think I look very bad?” you continued “You know, like… physically?”

“No, I think you look beautiful,” he replied, without thinking too much about it. “Maybe there's a little more pigmentation here…” his thumb slid under your eyes, in the place of your dark circles, and you smiled involuntarily “but nothing to worry about.”

You were reassured that you were still pretty in your friend's eyes, but you knew that the worried look on his face wasn’t in vain. You had to do something about it.

“Perhaps among your curiosities you have some chocolate that helps me sleep?” you joked, speaking only to the air.

But on his face you saw that expression of machination that suddenly emerged, almost as if a light bulb appeared over his head at the idea that was going through his head.

"Not yet. But it's an excellent idea."

“Oh, I wasn't serious…”

“But it’s brilliant,” he interrupted you. The dryer stopped and you knew the drying cycle was over, as should your conversation “Give me some time and you can sleep like a baby, I promise.”

That was perhaps his favorite thing: making promises. And of course, comply with them.

You wanted to answer him something, but a yawn preceded you and the man simply laughed at the irony of the moment.

“I guess I can't refuse now, can I?”

“As soon as I manage to do it, you will have it in your hands,” he said, excited.

With that the talk ended and you began to hang the clothes on a rope, returning to the day's work, but now with a better spirit in the hope that Willy could help you get what you wanted so much.

"Special delivery?" someone knocked on your door. You were like every night, just curled up in bed to hope for the best.

Willy was holding a small purple box with a red bow, which judging by the excited smile your friend had, you assumed was the remedy for your illness.

"It will work?"

“I hope so,” he said, entering your room to sit next to you on the mattress. “I'll stay here for a few minutes to make sure you can sleep and then I'll leave, is that okay with you?”

“It's excellent,” you answered nervously, while you took the candy that your friend had made especially for you. It was shaped like a small moon and glowed inside. “What is it made of?”

“I'll tell you in the morning, when you wake up.”

His feet moved slightly, showing his excitement, and that seemed to rub off on you. Glory seemed so close and you could reach it with a couple of bites, but before that you leaned down to wrap the boy in a hug.

“Thank you for trying this for me. I know it will work, but… even if it doesn't work, you know I appreciate it.”

“Don't say that, it will work” he replied, with complete confidence.

Without further ado, you put the candy in your mouth and tasted it. You couldn't identify any ingredients, but it tasted delicious and cozy, somehow. Although you wanted to compliment your friend's work just a second after the candy had melted on your tongue, you were already feeling how everything around you was becoming heavy, as if the accumulated fatigue had hit you suddenly.

You were already unconscious when Willy trapped you in his arms and laid you carefully on the bed, completely happy to see that his creation had had such an immediate effect. As a farewell, he covered you with a sheet and kissed your forehead, going to his room to recreate an entire jar of chocolates that would ensure your rest for long enough.

#wonka 2023 #willy wonka x reader #wonka x reader #wonka movie #timothee chalamet #timothee chalamet x reader #timothee x reader #willy wonka #roald dahl #wonka fanfic #willy wonka 2023 #wonka fanfiction #wonka x fem reader

[luffyrose]

We're back with another dc x dp, coming to you this time on my phone while hang in off the back of my couch. Is blood rushing to my head? Yes.

Either way, I had a random thought about how personally as a child, I was a little monkey, like if my parents had actually had the thought to put me in gymnastics I would probably be a menace to society. And so my thought was, what if Danny was like that too?

Danny had always been very hyper, like, bounce of the walls, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON THE FRIDGE-" kind of hyper. When he started to climb, hang, flip, and just about break something just to have some fun, Jazz finally tried to get their parents to sign him up for gymnastics.

They didn't.

Both had been very happy at the idea, but when it came down to it, they just forgot. And one time without actually paying attention to the two, said gymnastics was for girls, ultimately shattering Danny's budding hobby. Jazz of course didn't just let that dream go, instead finding anything she could to let him learn on his own, at the very least, she made sure he was capable enough to pick it up in his teenage years should he finally get a chance to take classes.

That didn't end up happened either.

He'd died, become Phantom, accidentally become Crown Prince of the Infinite realms, and now had to deal with superheroes realizing that something was up in Amity. More specifically, a credible news reporter finally came to the town and settled the real or not debate in one swift "WTF IS THAT-" upon seeing a giant robot hunter thing(it was Skulker).

Along with all that, his parents, or more specifically his mother, was finally noticing something was wrong. Almost two years after he died, she finally took a second to look at him, and was disturbed. So Danny, being optimistic as he can be, tries to tell them, which goes horribly wrong and ends in a lab explosion and Danny 'stuck' in the Ghost Zone. Really Jazz blew the portal up after reaching her own breaking point and immediately called CPS on her parents since Danny was never gonna come back to them.

Danny all ouchy, there goes my parents because the two destroyed their blood bond by intentionally aiming to harm him instead of the weird loophole they'd been in before. Clockwork being Clockwork yeets him over to Gotham, giving Jazz a note about it.

Over in Gotham, he's actually thrown right from a portal in the aky hurdling down toward one of the city's rogues. Whoever it is, the Batfam are like "wtf-" at the clearly confused child that suspiciously looks like they're one of the Waynes, and so they just take him back. Doesn't help that they're worried since he just got thrown from who knows where and definitely did not take that fall well- also doesn't help that he's clearly bleeding and severely injured.

Danny, after Alfred forces him to rest from injuries, is so hyper. His hyperness had gone into his vigilantism, so now with nothing to deter it, he was going crazy and he felt so stiff.

Cue one of the sibkings walking in to find the kid hanging dangerously off something and just going "hi". Dick has a new favorite(not really he still loves all his siblings the same...maybe Damian and new kid are a smidge higher, but they're younger so it doesn't count).

When he takes the kid to the gym in their house, he is literally running around and getting onto everything. Now Dick has accidentally acquired little acrobatic brother that he's determined to help out with getting better.

Best part, Danny doesn't even realize the others are like "welp he's family now" and is just thinking they're very nice for being rich. He doesn't trust Bruce too much though, sure rich people's mids could be chill(take Sam for example) but parents themselves were iffy.

No one knows how to react to the truth bombs he randomly drops without even realizing it either.

Dick, watching Danny haning upside down from a bar for the last like 10 minutes: whatcha doin buddy?

Danny: thinking about my parents.

Damian, who's also been watching the whole tome but would never admit it: Your parents?

Danny, yeeting himself off the bar with no sense of self preservation: yeah, they told me they'd sign me up for gymnastics. Never did. Claimed it was only for girls. Although I think that was the same day our oven came alive on accident and almost set me on fire so...they were pretty distracted.

Dick, staring in actual horror for many reasons: What?!

Damian, also horrified but not showing it as much: Your oven came alive...?

Danny, who still isn't paying attention and already having forgotten what he said: how do you do that thing you showed me earlier?

#danny phantom #dc x dp #dp x dc #ghost king danny #danny fenton #dc comics #dick grayson #damian wayne #jazz fenton #batfamily #batfam

[eyesaremosaics]

Confronting the shadow self is daunting. I feel so overwhelmed by all the things that are wrong with me… on one hand I have grown exponentially—and changed for the better! However, in other areas I have gotten worse. Mainly my deep seated anger (that surfaces at inappropriate times), and also my inability to regulate my stress responses.

What ends up happening is that I bite off more than I can chew and become overwhelmed. As a people pleaser, I have a tendency to take on more than I can handle, and it takes a toll on my nervous system.

Trying to sit with these feelings. When I am sick for example (which doesn’t happen very often), I get REALLY sick… and then I snap at people, become very short with them and have a bite to my words. This is because I am in a lot of physical pain, but I should just call in sick and prioritize my self care instead of subjecting others to my bad moods. I always say “YES I can do that”, “sure, no problem!” When really I should put my foot down and say: “I’m not feeling well, I need to stay home and rest today”.

By forcing myself to work, I am not only making myself miserable, but also making everyone around me miserable.

Sometimes I come home from working with children… and just cry because I know I failed them that day. I FAILED as a caregiver. This happened a few weeks ago. I was getting stressed out because it was getting late, and the little guy needed to get up early for his first day of school the next day. I was getting snippy with him, and he told me: “Megan, when you get mad at me, it makes me want to cry.” I felt like the most horrible person in the world. I broke down and started crying. Telling him that he was right, and how sorry I was. I explained to him that I was just exhausted from working too much, and that it wasn’t his fault, and he absolutely did not deserve it.

I cried because I don’t do it on purpose, but at times I feel powerless to stop it.

My mother always used to yell and my siblings and I… because she was so overwhelmed with her life… it did a lot of damage to all of us. Don’t get me wrong—I love my mother deeply. She made my childhood magical in many ways, and I have a lot of respect for her. She had a hard time of it when we were growing up (as sole bread winner or single parent a lot of the time) and she did the best she could with what she had. I suppose that’s true of all parents.

Some days you feel good, you know you made a positive impact on a child’s life, and some days you know you (unconsciously) did damage. We are only human after all. My mom feels terrible about how she yelled at us. It must be genetic, because my grandmother admitted to doing it too when she was younger.

It has made me reevaluate whether or not I want to be a mother one day. I am good with kids actually, they love me almost immediately and I get along great with them because it’s so easy for me to become a child again and play with them on their level.

Growing up poor does something to your psyche. You end up with this “scarcity” mindset that I just hate. I realized that I eat so quickly (which is horrible for your metabolism btw) because I was 1 of 4 children—if you didn’t eat quick during dinner, you didn’t eat. Always feeling like there is not “enough” to go around, always starving for more love or attention (because you had to compete all the time to get it).

Seeing all these things so clearly now. The antecedent moment is known to me, but the way forward is not. I have been “catching myself” in the act of bad habits and trying to reshape my behavior. I’m grateful to my mom for teaching this to me too. She was always the first to apologize to us when she was wrong. She was humble and took accountability, which showed us that grown ups make mistakes too.

I remember confiding in my grandmother about how much “mommy yells”. My grandma told my mom what I’d said, and my mom really took it to heart. She would take deep breaths and count to ten before unloading on us. I remember actively watching her try to change, and she did eventually.

I hope that I can manage to do the same, and that the damage I have done to people I love is not too great to be healed.

Trauma is not an excuse. You don’t get an excuse to treat people poorly. Though I know… I have a good heart. I would never hurt ANYONE on purpose. I know myself at my core, and the core of my heart is very loving and compassionate. So now is the time for me yo be more compassionate with myself. By understanding where these wounds come from, I can catch myself and pivot my response. I can also apologize and say: “I’m sorry, I am working on managing my stress better, please let me try that again.”

A month ago, my boyfriend, my cousin, her girlfriend and I all went up to Mendocino. Yury (my boyfriend) manages 62 acres up there for the scouts organization he volunteers for. Usually we camp or stay in the cabins, ride around on the ATV’s, toast marshmallows, swim in the creek etc. It was a fun weekend, until the accident.

My little cousin, is my cousin through marriage. When I was a freshmen in high school, she was just a baby at 2. We went together like peas and carrots. I saw so much of myself as a little girl in her, and I felt very protective of her. Her parents were both tweakers, so they were mostly absent. My grandma, my grandpa and I all had a hand in raising her. She grew up to be a good kid, but I was concerned to hear from her girlfriend that she was very reckless at times and made dangerous impulsive decisions.

Basically, what happened was a long chain of events that I won’t detail here (because it will take too long to flesh out), was that after warning her all day that the ATV was not a toy, that she needed to go slower on it, she didn’t heed my warning and flipped the ATV over with my boyfriend riding in the passenger seat.

My cousin’s girlfriend and I were in the cabin listening to music. She asked me if I heard anything, but I said it was probably just the music. Then we heard it again, we opened the door and went outside. We saw my cousin running up the path screaming “help! The atv flipped over! Yury is trapped underneath it!”

My boyfriend was pinned under the ATV. Adrenaline kicked in and I thought for sure he was dead. I didn’t want to believe it. I was terrified. The next thing I remember was hearing him screaming in pain. My brain relaxed slightly, to hear he was still alive. Now time to asses the damage. I tried to lift the ATV on my own, but no way, it was too heavy. The girls all started pushing from different sides in their panic, which was grinding the roll cage further into his leg.

He screamed in agony. I told the girls: “on three we need to lift at the same time girls ok? One, two, three!” We somehow managed to lift it. First just to release his leg. I looked over Yury to make sure no vital organs or anything were crushed in the crash. Thankfully it was just his ankle and his foot.

Somehow we managed to push the ATV back on to its wheels, so it wasn’t leaking fuel on the ground. At this point the full blown shock and panic set in. I ran to the first aid to try to find bandages, but I was panicking so much that I was looking but not able to read words. I was kicking the boxes screaming “I’m looking but not seeing”. My cousin came in and said; “why don’t you let me do that?” At which point I rounded on her and started screaming “why did you do that?! Why did you fucking do that?!”

I was so furious. I went up in flames. I must have looked possessed. Her girlfriend told me that my screaming wasn’t helping and to pull the car around so we could load yury in.

The situation was critical. It was the middle of the night. We were in the middle of nowhere, no cell reception, and the closest hospital was a hour away. Not to mention we’d all been drinking. I told them: “I can’t drive, I’ve definitely had too much to drink.” I certainly wasn’t going to let my cousin drive after the accident she just caused, thankfully her girlfriend had stopped drinking hours before and offered to do it.

We had to drive into town 20 minutes to get cell reception so we could find an ER. Willits said it was closed. So we had to go all the way to Fort Bragg on these foggy, windy roads with deer jumping out in front of the car—which wasn’t even my car by the way, it was my bosses car. All while Yury is screaming in pain in the back seat.

We almost blew up the car by accidentally… by turning the ignition on while it was pumping gas. Thank god we turned It off in time. More stress.

It felt like an eternity until we got to the hospital. I kept screaming over and over how stupid this was, blaming my cousin and asking why she ignored my warnings all day and thought she could Tokyo drift the ATV like that. To be fair, my anger was justified, she almost killed my boyfriend. However, my yelling and screaming like a lunatic was not. On the drive I managed to calm down, and just focused on helping her girlfriend use the controls on the BMW.

I knew that I needed to just shut up and stop yelling, because I was doing damage. It was better for me to not talk to my cousin because I wanted to kill her at that time. It would be different if I hadn’t been warning and lecturing her all day not to drive crazy on it. Then it would have been on us. However, her eye rolling and dirty looks whenever I said anything about it, and the blatant disregard soon as she was out of range where I could see her—led to the situation we were in.

Granted we had all been drinking, so no one should have been driving, I didn’t say she could, I thought Yury was going to do it. He mostly smokes weed, and is a very safe driver. He’s the only person I trust to drive my car. He blames himself for letting her drive, and truthfully he shouldn’t have let her. However, she is one of those people who doesn’t look drunk when they are. She doesn’t slur her words, or stagger, she looks and talks normal.

She begged Yury to let her drive it, and he relented because “she looked so excited like a little kid” and he wanted her to have fun. He also thought she would go slow in the dark. We were all about to turn in for the evening when this all went down. Yury didn’t even have time to tell her to slow down before it flipped.

We got through it, but Yury is out of commission for months now. He fractured 4 bones in his foot, and he may need to see a specialist to reset the bones or put pins in some of them. He can’t walk, shower, go anywhere or do anything without help. This has put a lot of strain on me, as I already work multiple jobs, and have very little free time as it is. Of course I’m happy to do it and help him, but it has exhausted me. I basically have no time for self care.

He can’t work, so the responsibility to pay all our bills has fallen on me. He manages to scrape rent together with the little remote work he can get done, but everything else (groceries, pg&e, gas, etc) falls on me, and I don’t know if y’all have noticed—but shit is expensive now.

I worked a crazy amount of hours in August. 60-70 hour weeks. Didn’t have a day off for 3 weeks straight between all my jobs. Though I am grateful for the work, grateful that I make good money, not having any free time really wears on you after a while.

Hence why I was getting snippy with the kids. Not an excuse, but it is the origin. Not to mention my cat Persephone of 21 years literally died in my arms… I had quite a bit of trauma compacted into two weeks. To top all of this off, I gad a terrible session with my therapist of the last 5 years, which I think concludes our working relationship.

I told my therapist about the accident, and at the time I was very angry still. The day after the accident, I apologized to my cousin for yelling at her, but expressed my concern that she has these reckless behaviors, and that I hope this will serve as a wake up call for her not to do things like that in the future. She looked at me like she hated me and said: “yeah, ok.” And got in the car and left.

My therapist started in on me, about how I’m actually not taking accountability as I said I was. She rounded on me saying that I’m still saying it’s all her fault, which in my opinion it was, not to mention I was still mad. I think I had every right to be mad, Yury and I have over 4 grand in medical bills that we can’t pay, not to mention the fact that he can’t work, and I have to work double shifts to pay our bills. All because she ignored what I had been telling her all day long. I would not have let her drive the ATV. True, Yury shouldn’t have let her drive, but it was such a relatively short distance, and had she been driving normally, none of this would have happened.

I know it was an accident, I know she didn’t do it on purpose. Yet ultimately, she is refusing to take accountability for the part she played. She did not apologize to Yury, she had not called to ask how he’s doing. Nothing.

She ran to my grandmother and basically painted it like Yury and I told her she could do that, and made all these excuses for her behavior —which is just infuriating. All you had to do, was apologize, check in on Yury and maybe offer to help him out a little while he heals. It’s not that hard. Yet again, for some people, apologies are hard. She wasn’t raised with repentant parents, she never learned how to do it.

My cousin told my grandmother that our relationship is permanently damaged because I yelled at her. That my apology was too late. My grandmother said: “she looked up to you all her life, and you crushed her when you yelled at her.”

Apparently she was hurt in the accident as well, bruising on her side. I didn’t know she was hurt, had I known I would have made sure she went in to the hospital to get checked out. I wrote her a long letter apologizing for telling the way I did (again), but expressing why I was driven to that point and hoping that we could talk and resolve this when she’s ready. I told her I still love her, and always will, but I hope she makes healthier choices in the future. She never responded to my letter, it’s been over a month now.

I remember what it was like to party with a death wish. I was there at her age.

I remember what it felt like to want to chase oblivion, because the pain inside was catching up to you and you had to keep running or it would devour you whole.

I feel so heartbroken about the whole thing. The dissolution of my relationship with her, my anger toward myself at not having control of my rage, my fear for Yury that his leg will never heal right and he may not ever be able to hike or do any of the outdoorsy things he likes to do again…

To return to my therapist, it felt like she was taking my cousins side (just like my grandmother which also devastated me, as my grandmother has been my favorite person since I was a baby), and that I was crazy for being angry and upset that she almost killed my boyfriend.

People can’t always control how they respond to trauma in the moment that it occurs, but we can control how we respond after. My therapist continued to imply that I yell at people the way Yury yells at me sometimes. Not true. I yell because that was modeled to me by my parents, and I attract partners who model this dynamic to me and I live it out unconsciously. I told my therapist that in the moment, I felt like I had no control over my panic and anger. She replied very condescendingly: “how scary that must be for you. That you can’t control it.”

She also insinuated that I shouldn’t be a mother. I know therapists are supposed to challenge you, but they are not supposed to leave you feeling suicidal after a session with them. I felt personally attacked, none of it felt constructive.

Truthfully, things have been feeling off for the last year or so with my therapist. She dropped hints about “making our sessions more infrequent” and talking about ending our sessions when my healthcare runs out. This was the final nail in the coffin that showed me she doesn’t have any respect for me as a person, and honestly doesn’t want to be working with me anymore.

That’s fine, it’s time to move on. She wasn’t a great therapist anyway, I just used the service because it was what my insurance would cover. It stopped being beneficial to me years ago. She did help—I think—or at least it helped to have someone to bitch to once a week.

I had a therapist before her… that I really loved. In 2016 I started seeking therapy because my whole works fell apart during my Saturn return. I lost my home, my job of 7 years, my long term boyfriend who I thought I was going to marry… I lost my best friend. Then a mass exodus of friends taking her side and leaving me too. It was one of the darkest times in my life. I was starving, unable to afford food.. it was a nightmare. My therapist at the time was really amazing , and in the short time we worked together I made more progress with her than anyone else I had seen.

She was spiritual, used to do tarot with me, as well as reiki healing etc. she helped me see myself and the world in a whole different light. It was a Shane we had to part ways because my insurance wouldn’t cover her, and I couldn’t afford to pay out of pocket. I was going hungry so I could see her. I wish I could find that therapist again.. she told me once: “You have been through an abnormal amount of trauma for someone your age, and it’s impressive how resilient you are. Most people with backgrounds like yours, end up on the streets using heavy drugs.”

I’ve been rambling for hours… but I guess I just needed to get this all out. Since all these recent events unfolded, I have been working really hard at taking deep breaths and monitoring my stress levels.

Also I recognize how much I complain, and I think a little gratitude practice would be good for me.

I have a lot to be grateful for. I have work, both my jobs are pretty kush in spite of the crazy hours, I have my health, thankfully my health issues subsided in 2021. I have a home, in a city and a neighborhood that I love. I did a lot of traveling in the last 2 years, I have my family with me, I have good friends. I have creative opportunities coming my way. Yury is still alive, I could have lost him. Thankfully he will heal eventually, and things will go back to the way they were. I have self awareness, which means I can change, and I have love in my life. Lots of it. I need to remember that, when things get tough.

#me #self improvement #stream of consciousness #digital diary

[corvidmasters]

Respite

pairing: oc x arjuna canon point: some time during epic of remnant, right before arjuna's second interlude summary: one enters distressed and exits calm. the other enters calm and exits distressed. ao3 version i got so fucking mad that my nearly-finished work for today got screwed up by technical difficulties that i finished this in a rage enjoy <3

Servants of all sorts of shapes and sizes fill the cafeteria to the brim. The only thing stopping a remodel to expand it was the looming inevitably of the Servants' dismissal, but even with that and an impending investigation, it seems that nobody is particularly bothered. Everyone is happy, eating, satisfied. Compared to the Chaldea from just after Lev's betrayal, it's lively.

Before the final battle against Goetia, Macha would have considered the sight an enjoyable one, if a bit overwhelming. But where she once felt joy was only hollowness. She masks it with a smile and moves theatrically when Servants and the few other Masters speak to her, keeping up her image of a capable and goofy big sister. She wouldn't dare to try and shatter that harmony—even when it's becoming painful, even when every single conversation seems to be blending into one another, even when the din just seems so horribly loud and she can hear every single conversation other than the one her table is involving her in—

"Macha, are you alright?"

Mash's gentle voice breaks Macha out of her trance. To the older girl's dismay, it seems she's slipped up somehow, but where? She responded perfectly, smiled perfectly, cracked jokes perfectly. When she looks down, Macha realizes that her plate is still full of food while the rest of the table's plates are clean.

"Do you have a stomach ache? It's unusual for you to not finish fried shrimp."

Macha brings her gaze back up. She mentally clicks her tongue at the sight of such young eyes looking at her with worry. She shouldn't have ordered her favorite food.

She forces yet another smile. "You see, young Mash, I was simply so taken by our conversation that I had forgotten to eat—"

"Please don't lie."

Ritsuka stops her with a quiet voice. Macha's smile is immediately wiped off her face in shock. Some of the nearby Servants go quiet, with those that Ritsuka and Macha are contracted to clearly showing concern. Out of the corner of her eye, Macha can see Emiya stare at her from the kitchen window, his arms folded.

Macha doesn't know what she hates more—the overstimulation from before, or the silence of defeat.

"...I suppose I am not feeling well, yes." Macha smiles again, weaker this time, then gets out of her chair. "I will retire."

Mash gives Macha a warm, if concerned, smile in return. "Feel better soon."

Macha can feel the eyes of the other two Masters and her Servants on her back as she heads for the door. She knows this won't be the end of it now that people know about her wound. The vulnerability of it all gnaws at her already frayed edges and makes her want to scratch her stomach out and shriek.

When she passes by the kitchen window, Emiya is still there. "Hey."

Macha stops.

"I'll save your plate in the fridge, so eat it later."

A small huff leaves her mouth. At the very least, she's grateful that her first Servant understands well that such indirect displays of care are best. "Yes, sir. I'll be sure to do that."

She walks out into the hallway. As soon as she no longer has to stand straight and strong for everyone, Macha lets her taut shoulders go slack and her head hang.

How long has it been since Dr. Roman—no, Solomon—sacrificed himself? She can't remember. It was as if the moment he unveiled himself time began to blend. Her sharp nose couldn't help but sniff out something at least a little off about him, but her unhealthy love for him blinded her to the possibility that he might have been such a big puzzle piece in the mystery that was their enemy. To accept that maybe Dr. Roman had something to do with the enemy was equal to resigning herself to losing the only outsider who knew everything about her. To see him reveal his hand told her everything.

Macha has lost something again because she didn't think hard enough and didn't act quick enough. Her little brother's future, whatever that may be, came at the cost of something else precious.

Her feet take her as they please. Though she's still looking forward, she registers nothing in her vision. Where is she even going? The empty halls of Chaldea all look the same. It only serves to disorient her further. Macha turns down a random corner; out of the corner of her eye, a different-colored blob appears. It's blue, silver, black and brown, and it's cautiously coming towards her.

"Master?"

Macha's sight regains its focus at the familiar call. Her gaze rises from the floor to see Arjuna, brows slightly upturned as he observes her. A smile makes its way onto her face and she opens her mouth to say something, but nothing comes out, and so she closes it.

This immediately raises red flags in Arjuna's mind. From his perspective, she's clearly been devastated ever since the events from their final battle—that much was evident by what she'd let slip through the cracks. He believed you'd have to be a fool to not think it was tied to the man who sacrificed himself, with the way he'd find her standing around in places the doctor once frequented. But this was the first time she's been totally incapable of keeping up her front. And rather than point it out...

"Are you returning from the cafeteria?"

...he instead opts to give her an easy out. Macha readily takes it, visibly relaxing.

"Yes. The kitchen staff is exceptional as always." With a bit of her pomp restored, she crosses her arms and smiles brighter, then moves to take a step forward. "I'll be heading to my—"

At that moment, her shaking foot meets the floor. Except instead of properly moving her forward, it buckles under her weight and sends her tumbling down. She's met with her own confused face in the polished floors, strands of black hair covering half her face. "Ah..."

"Master!" Arjuna is immediately at Macha's side. He reaches out to help her up into a sitting position, feeling that he's putting more strength into it than her. She's quivering so much that even her lower lip is shaking. "Are you alright? Do you need to—"

—go to the infirmary.

He lets that die on his lips.

Macha leans against him slightly, still forcing half a smile even now. "I...am fine. It's just that...perhaps I haven't been eating enough..."

"..." Arjuna isn't sure what to say or do. On one hand, he doesn't want to press it too hard, but on the other, he would like to lift her up and ensure she's eating properly. He begins to shift his hands to take her to the cafeteria anyways.

"Arjuna," Macha says quietly to interrupt him, "can we lay here for a moment?"

"Lay here?" He raises a brow. "In the middle of the hall?"

She nods. "Just for a moment...just a little."

Arjuna hesitates. He then moves to guide her to the nearest wall, seats himself against it, and gently allows her to rest her head in his lap. It would be unbecoming for him to not try to at least give her a little comfort, he thinks. Macha lies there on her back, attention focused mostly on the ceiling.

It's quiet. Neither of them seem particularly interested in breaking the silence. Macha even starts to shut her eyes; Arjuna speaks up immediately at this. "If you'd like to sleep, I don't advise doing it out here. I can take you back to your room if need be."

"I won't sleep. I promise." For whatever reason, warmth spreads along her expression. "I'm only resting my eyes."

"...Very well. If you insist."

They fall silent again, the space filled with the light electronic hum of the fluorescent lights above them. Arjuna takes this time to observe his Master's face. Though she's cheered up slightly now, he can see evidence of bags under her eyes. Her hair is still somewhat disheveled from her fall, but he doesn't move to fix it. He's not sure why he feels the urge to. He's her Servant, not her caretaker or lover—there are lines he shouldn't be crossing.

"Arjuna."

It's Macha's turn to break the silence, which takes the brooding Arjuna by surprise. He straightens himself in expectation of an order.

"Your voice is very gentle. It's pleasant."

The only response he can offer right away is a quiet blink.

Macha is prone to express lavish compliments on virtually everyone at Chaldea. Her fellow Masters and her Servants, himself included, are often referred to as "dear friends". There have been no shortage of epithets she's rained upon him ("the greatest archer", "the peerless bowman", "the silver strength", to name a few), and yet this time it feels different. There's a sincerity in Macha's tired voice that immediately sends waves of some sort of emotion roll through him. He's not sure what to do about it. It's making him somewhat dizzy.

"...Thank you, Master," Arjuna finally replies.

Macha opens her eyes and looks up at him. "Can I hear more of it?"

"A strange request, but...very well. Here. I'm speaking. Is this satisfactory?"

Macha laughs in a manner very different from her usual dramatic guffaw. It's quiet like a breeze and gentle like it, too. The waves rolling through Arjuna intensify, so he begins to pray that it ends soon, whatever 'it' is. And his prayers are answered quickly, as Macha suddenly lifts herself up off his lap and sits there, no longer shaking.

She turns her head to him with a grin. "Do you think the cafeteria is empty by now?"

Arjuna composes himself quickly so that he can reply, nodding slightly. "Yes. We've been here for some time, and the period for dinner service was already reaching its end..."

"Let's go, then."

Macha stands up, Arjuna watching. When she smiles at him, he stops hesitating and stands himself. "Of course."

"Now then, where did he put it..."

Arjuna guessed correctly; there wasn't a single soul in the cafeteria save for a stray staff member. It's almost impressive how large the difference is between when Macha left and now, with the once-packed room seeming so much larger in its emptiness. Macha rifles through various leftovers and ingredients in the fridge as Arjuna stands guard in front of her. There's no reason to do such a thing, but he's not sure what else he's supposed to do.

"Aha!" shouts Macha. She triumphantly pulls out her untouched plate of fried shrimp and shredded cabbage, carefully wrapped in plastic by Emiya. After setting it down on the kitchen counter, she pulls out a piece of paper from the case attached to her belt and uses magecraft to make it as sharp as a knife. The ordinarily flimsy paper cuts through the plastic like a hot knife through butter. "Arjuna, could you get two pairs of chopsticks?"

"Of course." Arjuna moves to her command automatically, then stops when his brain catches up. That odd emotion from earlier threatens to return. "But why two?"

"Hmm? Because we'll be sharing this, of course."

With Macha's back turned to him, Arjuna allows himself to frown. He often avoids the cafeteria as much as possible, though the woman standing before him has a tendency to drag him there whenever she's able to catch him on her way to mealtime. Even then, he's never sure what to order—so he simply doesn't eat, only ordering a cup of tea if the whim comes to him.

"Master, I'm sure you're aware that there's no need for a Servant to eat..." he begins to protest.

"That's true." Macha peels the last of the plastic off the bottom of the plate and throws it in the trash, then returns the paper she used to its original state and puts it away. "But as I am now, I'm paradoxically so hungry that the thought of eating all of this alone makes me feel ill...won't you share it with me, Arjuna?"

When she looks right at him as she asks him that question, Arjuna's mouth dries up in an instant. Without realizing it nor wanting it, he smiles. "If that is what you wish."

He retrieves the chopsticks and joins her out the kitchen, sitting across from her at the nearest table. Macha slowly lowers herself onto her chair so that she doesn't fall over again, then takes the metal chopsticks and picks up a cold fried shrimp by the tail. In moments, its breaded body is shoved into her mouth and devoured section by section, until all that's left is the inedible tail. She's practically sparkling as she chews it, cheeks puffed out like a hamster's.

"Even when it's cold, it tastes delicious..." she says after swallowing. "Go on, Arjuna, try it!"

He holds his comments about how Macha seems like she'd be able to eat it all on her own after all—if she wants him to eat with her, then he'll eat with her. Besides, it's not too awful when there's so few people around. With a 'then here I go', he takes the second of the four large fried shrimps on the plate and bites into it. It's nothing to write home about, and it's lost some of its punch due to the cold. Even so, the crisp is pleasant, and the shrimp are of high quality.

Macha excitedly watches him, chin resting in the palms of her hands. Her gaze is so intense he can't help but glance away bashfully and cover his mouth with his free hand. "Master, please do not stare..."

"Ah, sorry, sorry. I wanted to see your reaction to it, that's all."

"My reaction, hm..." He lowers his hand. "Why is it that you're so fond of fried shrimp, Master?"

"Why?" Macha sits up straight and gazes up at the ceiling as she thinks. Once she comes upon the answer, she picks up her chopsticks again and takes the third fried shrimp, holding it before her mouth, but not taking a bite just yet, instead gazing at it. "Before I came to Chaldea, I didn't have much in the way of meal variety. My first ever meal here was fried shrimp...I thought it was amazing that such a dish existed, and I suppose I just became attached to it."

Arjuna looks down at his own shrimp. "I see...So it simply came to you at the right time and place."

"Indeed. That tends to be how it goes for a lot of things I like." Macha devours the shrimp she's holding, then sets down her chopsticks and smiles at Arjuna. "You've been asking so many questions about me lately, Arjuna."

Once again, something unidentifiable fills Arjuna to the brim. It takes everything in him to not let his voice shake, nor squeeze his chopsticks together and split the fried shrimp he's holding in two. "Have I?"

Macha nods. "The other day when you came to retrieve me for a mission, you asked what I was reading. A few weeks ago, you asked me why I tease my fellow Masters so relentlessly. It doesn't seem like much, but it's a far cry from your distance from before...I feel like you're truly starting to see me as a friend, just as I see you as one."

Ah.

How sad.

How very, very sad.

Arjuna understands what he's been feeling now.

It's fear.

It petrifies him, chokes him up, leaves cold sweat running down the back of his neck. This was to be expected. He couldn't avoid it for long, especially when his Master is such a friendly, capable sort. What else is he supposed to do? No matter how many times he tries to draw a line in the sand, Macha Schmied will walk right past it and say hello.

The remainder of their conversation is a blur. He finishes his portion of the meal with even less of an appetite than he had before. No longer shaking from hunger, Macha bids him goodnight, and leaves the cafeteria along with the sole lingering staffer. Arjuna is finally alone again, but unlike usual, that brings him no reprieve.

"So, this is part of what it means to be a Servant...how frustrating."

He slowly brings a hand up to his face.

"This cannot go on...Master, please stop crossing these lines."

That night, Macha has a strange dream, beckoned into a bad memory by the bond Arjuna desperately wants to eliminate.

#arjuna #machajuna #machababy #my art #mastersona #fate oc #yumejoshi

[spoodersrus]

my very gay experiences in El & Mikes positions

thinking about how years ago i was seeing this guy casually for a couple years, and how one time he walked me to my car like usual, and i started kissing him... like usual, but this time he for some reason did not kiss me back. it felt horrible.

emotionally i felt crushed that this person who i had kissed so many times who always kissed me with excitement, suddenly was not kissing me back. he still very clearly wanted me in his life and went out of his way to see me, talk to me, and spend time with me, but i didn't understand why he just... seemingly wasn't into kissing me anymore. after that kiss, i decided i was done. if he didn't want to anymore, then neither did i. an appropriate response when you get signals that someone isn't into something.

anyways, turns out he was seeing a man 🤷‍♀️

i later realized that he was afraid of losing me and did everything he could to still be in my life and keep the relationship going, but since he wasn't honest about what he was feeling (or rather, wasn't feeling), i just wasn't interested in continuing a relationship/friendship that already had so much dishonesty mixed into it. he may have cared for me, but more-so he was just using me.

mike cares for/loves el waaaaaaaaaaay more than this dude ever felt about me, but somehow i'm just now remembering that i've been in a similar position to El. i've also been in the opposite position :') in a straight relationship, not communicating that i realized i didn't love him, not kissing back, honestly disgusted, him noticing immediately and getting upset that i was being distant and avoidant, and boy did that crash and burn. it was extremely immature of me to not end things as soon as i realized. i felt frozen, scared, and confused.

turns out i also do not really like men 🙂👍

ALSO have been in another straight relationship while i was pining after my same-sex best friend, but was entirely in denial about liking her as more than a friend. i thought she was so cool and pretty and amazing that it wasn't weird to think about kissing her and holding hands and cuddling and and... :') i thought i just really admired and respected her, and at most thought i was jealous of or wished i was more like her. all of the drawings i did of her ("inspired" by her, in my mind... even one of us holding hands on a big swing) should have clued me in a little sooner... and the sadness i felt when she got a boyfriend bc it meant i didn't have a chance.... anyways :) gay denial is a bitch, and i've both been hurt by it and hurt others due to it.

#i hope that platonic elmike are very much a thing #i really love them together as friends #not trying to imply any similar outcome to my experience #just that i totally get how both of them may possibly feel #its no wonder why i'm so obsessed with these character dynamics #byler #anti m!leven #mike wheeler #internalized homophobia

[tetsunabouquet]

Basic Instinct Part 6

A/N: We’re getting to the climax of Masaomi’s toxicity, so paired with my previous warnings, do grab yourself a tissue. Because Masaomi’s an overcontrolling dick who plans to ruin his son’s happiness. Thankfully, we do have someone to rescue Akashi! Masterpost

Akashi was staring at his father as he got home, his father looking rather pissed off beneath his calm composure. Akashi had learnt to spot this years ago. "I am sorry for being late father. My team had a celebratory dinner." "A celebratory dinner? For what? A practise match?! Don't make me out for a fool. That girl was involved, wasn't she?" 'That girl?' Akashi's eyes widened upon realizing his father had been keeping tabs on him. He shouldn't have been surprised, but he still felt hurt at the violation. "She merely wanted to repay me for a meal I purchased for her." Akashi's immediate response was to defend you. He couldn't lie to his father, but he didn't wanted to get you in trouble and be forbidden to see you either. "Perhaps if you had some sense not to date a common girl, you'd have a girlfriend who's thinking properly of the priorities you have." "She's not my girlfriend." Akashi replied. "I haven't made my confession yet, I've been waiting for the perfect opportunity." Saying the words out loud felt so good. Keeping his crush all bottled up and to himself felt surprisingly lonely. Every time he saw you, he felt happy enough to shout it from the rooftops, yet, he had to keep it a secret. It had been more difficult then he imagined it to be. Not as difficult, as hearing his father's next words though. "Good. You can forget about confessing your feelings. I've been having meetings with the Niragi family as of recently, their youngest daughter, Tsukiko would make for a wonderful future match. " Akashi physically recoiled and felt like he was being bathed in acid. Finding out his father had been spying on him was a horrible revelation enough, but that his father had been having meetings about an arranged marriage, and hadn't even informed him about it, made Akashi fight against a powerful vomiting urge with everything he had. That was his future, and his father hadn't even cared enough to consider his feelings. "You can't make me." Akashi spat out before running to his room, tears flooding his eyes. His heart felt like it was shattering into tiny little pieces. There was no one who could break you, like your parents can. 

Fujioka, had watched the scene completely apalled. He had known of Masaomi's meetings with the Niragi family as their butler, but the cruelty Masaomi had delivered the news convinced him even more of his own resolve. And thus, the older man followed Masaomi to his office. Masaomi looked at the old butler, having known him since he was a teenager, he knew the butler well enough that there was something very much bothering the man. "Fujioka-san, what is the matter?" "You will not seperate Seijuro from his first love. The boy deserves this happiness, his workload is almost comparable to your own, and he is still a boy. Allow him to have the love he choose, at least give him that." Fujioka pleaded, though his composure was stern and defiant. Radiating strength, compassion and care. Masaomi was less impressed with it, however. "I will do as I please. The Akashi family has a legacy, something I am certain you will not understand. This girl is an embarrasment to our family name, unlike Niragi Tsukiko. It would be better for Seijuro to forget her as soon as possible." "Like you forgot Shiori-Sama as soon as possible?" Fujioka knew it was a low blow, but at this point, Masaomi had severely angered him. "How dare you speak to your Master in such a tone!" Masaomi bellowed, clearly hurt by the comment. "Master? I don't see one. My family does have a legacy and it's been serving the Kaneshiro clan for nearly three centuries now. They're a good family, and you were the one lucky to have married one of their own. Money doesn't buys the good will the Kaneshiro family has garnered over the centuries of their philanthrophic efforts. We serve the Kaneshiro family because of their heart, not their wallet. Shiori-Sama was a true lady of the people, and I served her with pride. Seijuro inherited my service as a son of the Kaneshiro clan, and he is my only master in this household." It felt good to finally say these words out loud. Fujioka had been serving Masaomi as an act of kindness to Seijuro and Shiori, but that had only given the man the believe he had power over him in the way he did with the majority of their servants. But those who swore servitude to the Kaneshiro's, were only there for Seijuro's sake. Masaomi was his master in name alone, not by actual contract. It was definitely time for the older Akashi to remember that, and the subsequent fact that even if Fujioka defied him now, Masaomi was not in the position to fire him. Masaomi looked him deep in his eyes, trying to recover his calm. Because, it was true Fuijoka was hired by the Kaneshiro family, and the only one other then Seijuro who had the power to legally fire the butler, was the one person he did not want to get involved in the matter. Masaomi was a sensible man, and certainly he feared his mother in law. Especially considering Seijuro's sadistic, violent tendencies was something he got from her. Age hadn't made her any less dangerous, on the contrary, it only added to her element of surprise. Kaneshiro Rima was a terrifying little lady, who'd skin him alive if she laid her eyes upon a sad Seijuro. Suddenly, the deal with the Niragi family became a little less attractive as an idea. Either way, Fuijioka would sabotage his vision and in the worst case scenario he'd end up dead or worse. Masaomi sighed. "I suppose I have nothing to say to that. But if my family is ruined by that girl, then the Kaneshiro family should better be prepared to fix everything." Fujioka nodded as a response, and excused himself. Triumph was jittering through his veins.

Akashi was  trying his best not to cry into his pillow, but the warmth of his bed was so comforting and he felt so god damn miserable. He didn't wanted to be paired up with Tsukiko, who never had anything interesting to say, no passion in her eyes. She wasn't you. You were passionate and knew how to keep him interested. You were also really pretty, and had the loveliest smile he had ever seen. You were warm and vibrant. You were everything he needed. You, and only you. As he heard the door of his room open, he wanted to yell, until he saw it was Fuijoka, and not his father. "Is there something wrong, Fujioka-san?" "Not anymore young master. I just talked with your father, he won't stop you from dating the girl." Akashi sat upright at his bed, his ruby eyes blinking at the old butler. "You did what, Fujioka-san? But how?!" "I did nothing, but remind him of the things you deserve, and what is your right." The butler smiled gently at the boy, who's face was sporting an overjoyed expression. Akashi looked at his butler with the utmost gratitude, happiness spreading through his chest. He could still see you. He could be with you. Not Tsukiko. The old butler sat down at the chair next to his bed, and asked Akashi the question he had secretly been dying to hear, "This girl, what is she like?" And as Akashi launched into a long description of you, how lovely you were, how much you liberated him and made him happy, Fujioka couldn't help but notice something. 'Masaomi can disapprove of it, but Seijuro looks so much like his father gushing over Shiori right now. Young love is such a wonderful thing.' So the old butler continued to smile warmly, hoping deep down he'd still be there to see Seijuro and you have a firstborn of your own. Fate looked on with warmth in her eyes, knowing both their wishes would come true.  Nothing was more powerful then a dream, and one born out of love was the most powerful of all.

#knb #knb akashi #akashi seijuro #akashi x reader #knb x you #basic instinct #kuroko's basketball #akashi masaomi #toxic parents #super butler #young love #shiori #arranged marriage #kuroko no basket #angst #drama #scary grandma

[shall-we-go-far-away]

okay, okay ep. 5 & 6: holy shit that was one hell of a ride wasn't it? (maybe whoever is reading this also saw my panicked posts from wednesday, yes I was losing my mind)

I'll try to do this as structured as possible but I can't promise anything so prepare for it to be just as all over the place as wednesday's episodes.. get ready, buckle up I have a lot of things to say:

first and foremost: FUCK YOU TAEHYUNG!! I was trying to be nice last time giving him a second chance and all because yk, I thought maybe just because he was annoying once, doesn't mean he has to be all the time but fuck was I wrong.. is he genuinely so stupid that he doesn't realize how his words affect jaewon or does he just straight up choose to ignore it?? or is it simply the mixture of both because wtf dude?? this guy is so blinded by his jealousy it's crazy like bro, how about you try and make it less obvious?? and considering how angry and uncomfortable he makes me (and jaewon) I was sooo glad jihyun and aeri were there and so happy to see they quickly picked up on how jaewon reacted and then decided to team up against taehyung (rightfully so)

especially jihyun (my cute little bean) was so attentive the entire time he really took one look at jaewon and immediately recognized something was off.. and because he was watching him so closely his reaction to jaewon slamming his hand on the table came almost naturally

moving on to aeri, I still think she's a bit much but that's probably because I'm introverted as fuck and she's clearly not.. I do really like her and jihyun's dynamic and loved their little class-skipping-shopping-sequence like you go besties!!

back to the junior-senior get together: that cut to jaewon being absolutely wasted was kinda scary and really shows how much he's struggling with everything and that he doesn't know how to properly cope with it.. and this little part of dialogue really stuck with me so once again props to jihyun for this simple yet very deep response

"you're not acting like yourself."

"hey, what is 'acting like myself'?"

"that's up to you."

I just feel like jaewon never heard something like this, he always had to fit into this box that the people around him created for him so someone saying who you are is up to you is complete news to him

harsh cut to jaewon waking up and the flashback with his brother: that shit hurt!! for some reason I expected his brother to be closer to him age wise (not that this would make him dying any less horrible) but when I saw jaewon with this little boy that just shattered me and jaewon just sitting there sobbing and desperately trying to put the camera back together was so painful to watch

skip to the beginning of episode 6: the scene of them in the car was also kinda hard to watch seeing jaewon so out of it like he wasn't even fully there (a quick round of applause for lim jisub who portrays this haunted look very well) apart from that I really liked that even though jaewon didn't answer jihyun's question he didn't let go and kept asking until eventually he gets an answer from jaewon

and now we're at a point where things started to get a little confusing for me:

while watching I felt like something was off, I couldn't pinpoint what it was (most of the time my brain has all the pieces of information but I can't put them together) but the episode felt different and then I saw a post on here (I tried not to read too much because I wanted most of this post to be my own impression) that said we might be seeing everything from jaewon's blurry, medication induced view which is why some things don't seem to add up and I think that's true or at least somewhat close to what was happening

I was actually debating which route to go with because so many possibilities about what was actually happening in ep. 6 came to my mind at first I actually thought jaewon might've overdosed in the car and ep. 6 didn't happen at all but were a hallucination or nightmare (what made me think that was the weirdly bright lighting and everything looking kinda blurry which always was an indicator of a dream or something unreal happening in any sort of media I've ever seen) but I don't think so anymore I would actually go with what I mentioned above and this blurry look comes from jaewon's medication

OOOR they chose this lighting to show how this entire trips feels like a dream because it's only jaewon and jihyun, completely separated from other people and far from their actual lives so of course that feels somewhat dream like

what I'm trying to say is: I don't think the entire episode was fake

I think making it all fake would be a waste of an episode and judging from the rest of the show so far it doesn't really seem like something the creators would do.. I think?? (maybe that's why I want some of the theories here to be true so bad because I don't want this episode to be wasted as a dream or whatever)

I would also agree with others that jihyun is probably fine, maybe a little shaken and scared but not physically hurt.. I think we see the accident happen from jaewon's pov and he's imagining it way worse than it is

nonetheless that shit scared me, how the entire mood switched and went so dark all of a sudden and then jaewon screaming jihyun's name.. I think the worst part were the silent credits and damn, that silence was loud.. let's just say, I cried..

alright, I think that's it.. I kind of lost focus in the end so idk if I actually said everything I wanted to but I think I covered most of it

#I'm a wreck #a hoe for this show #god damn it #it makes me go insane #but for some reason I feel like the wait for Wednesday won't be as long as before #maybe because I'm still in shock #I only know that we're probably gonna deal with a lot of heartbreak next week #buckle up it's only gonna get worse #bl drama #korean bl #the eighth sense #jaewon x jihyun

[nightshadeshadow123]

Jealousy: part 4 (A.M-R)-(C.G)

Hey everyone that still stuck around to read this even tho I'm absolutely horrible in updating regularly but guess I'll give it another go, just wanna thank my girl for all the support too and believing in me🥰💖I love you so much my girl.

This might be a bit dark and gory at the second flashback so my apologies and can be skipped if wanted. And this chapter is longer than the others but just got lost into this chapter when writing and didn't even realize until I saw the word count but hope you all will enjoy this one and I wanna apologize for the length of this and any errors I might have made.

Ally smiled a bit awkwardly before stepping into the room you two are staying in, she was feeling a bit nervous for an unknown reason but she shoved it down as she made her way towards you.

Cordelia looked back at you after reluctantly letting go of your hand, immediately missing the warmth of your hand in hers.

You wanted to protest when Cordelia have let go of your hand but you choose to ignore it and looked up at your girlfriend now stood in front of you, a familiar worried look in her warm brown eyes when she caught sight of your red eyes and cheeks.

"(Y/n), what's wrong my love?" Ally asked, lifting her hand up to your face slowly not to startle you suddenly, wiping away a stray tear, feeling you relax under her familiar touch.

The blonde Supreme watched the two of you, oddly finding Ally's careful and caring way with you cute and very much appreciated but she shrugged it away and instead fiddle with her hands, trying to keep her eyes away but she kept her eyes on the two of you subtly.

You took Ally's hand on your cheek in yours softly, kissing her palm that made a smile blossom on her face at your behavior that you so often did when she touched your face.

"I'm okay my angel. Just some past memories haunting me is all." You uttered softly, keeping hold of her hand as she sat down next to you, her other hand resting on your leg in a comfortable way.

Just when Ally wanted to ask if you wanted to talk about it more Myrtle knocked at the wide open door, peering in at the three of you curiously before apologizing at interrupting when the three of you looked at her direction.

"It's alright Myrtle, what is it you needed." Cordelia asked the older witch warmly.

"I just needed to talk to (Y/n), would the two of you mind if I burrow her for a while to talk?" The red haired witch asked tentatively, suddenly unsure if she should have waited instead of interrupting.

Ally let out a huff when you got up after pressing a kiss to her cheek and letting go of her hand after squeezing it gently in yours. She wanted you to stay and hope you'd talk what have made you so sad and also heard more about what you and the blonde have talked about.

Cordelia on the other hand have grabbed your other hand softly making you look at her curiously but felt relaxed when she smiled at you.

"You can go, I'll stay here and tell Ally about it. That is if you don't mind of course?" She offered every so kindly and always thoughtful with that warm caring smile that never failed in having you melted, you wondered how you haven't died of her bright smile already.

"Thank you Delia, you can tell her if you want to and keep her company a bit please." You assured, looking at Allly who is already watching the two of you.

She didn't feel as jealous as before, more curious now as she observed the two of you and how calm you are with the blonde supreme just like you are around her.

The two women watched you leave the room with Myrtle, sitting in silence for a few moments and being unsure how to start a conversation at first until Ally have built up the courage to begin talking.

"Would you mind telling me what the two of you have talked about and what and her in such a state?"

Cordelia could clearly hear the desperation and plea in Ally's voice. She can completely understand how Ally is feeling so sat down next to Ally on the bed, a sympathetic smile grazing her face this time as she observed the brunette woman.

The blonde began to tell her about what have happened and then about what the two of you have talked about that have had you so upset.

All Ally could do was sit and listen in shock, anger and lots of other emotions flooding her mind hearing what you have been through for so long, also feeling a lot of admiration and gratitude now, happy the Supreme have found you and helped you all those years ago, she shuddered at thinking what would have happened if she haven't and if you'd have even met her if the blonde haven't taken you in.

"So Mila is her older sister?" Ally asked after all the shock have worn off.

Cordelia pursed her lips together, sadness clouding her.

"She was her sister."

Ally looked to the blonde woman again at her sad words.

"What happened to her?" She questioned, unsure but she wanted to know so badly about that too.

"Mila was killed a few years ago by some witch hunters and my ex." Cordelia explained bitterly at the memory, a stabbing pain blazing through her heart when remembering your cries that night, the way you've ran over to your dying sister trying to save her to no avail while all chaos was breaking loose over the place they have held a gathering with some other witches, and how you've spiraled completely out of control after that, the multiple times you've tried taking your own life and when failing at that the times you've gotten yourself in endless danger that could have killed you if she haven't been there to have saved you.

Ally tried to swallow down the lump forming in her throat at seeing the blonde trying to stay composed and at the news of what have happened to your sister, she didn't know what she could say about this.

"After the death of Mila she completely spiraled out of control. Always getting in trouble. Parties every night with Madison, getting in trouble along with her and even having went on a spree to deal with some witch hunters, cutting, drugs, mixing with the wrong people8." Cordelia continued, explaining some details about it while they played through her head as if it happened yesterday. You and Madison have sure stirred up a big wave of trouble and haven't made it easy on her especially with her mother around too.

(Beginning of flashback)

Cordelia have checked your room to check up on you but she haven't found you in your room, only a mess of crumbled and scattered paper all over the place of your always tidy room that now is a mess, you haven't had any motivation to get up to clean, eat or anything after the recent death of your sister.

She closed the door behind her softly, her heart feeling heavy that she haven't found you in your room and worry suddenly gripping her as she made her way downstairs to where she could hear some chatter coming from in Hope's that you might have finally come out of your depressed state a bit and finally have opened to the idea of letting then help you with the grief they are all going through.

She found Zoe, Queenie, Nan and Mallory talking, no sign of you anywhere in sight when she scanned the white living room, feeling more worried and disappointed.

"Hello girls." Cordelia greeted them in her usual soft and caring voice, gaining thier attention as they all turned to her as she made her way into the living room, greeting her back and she sat down on one of the sofas across from them.

They could all see how tired she is and they were too after evening that have happened in the past week and they couldn't blame her at all, they were very concerned for their Supreme, seeing her this way is heartbreaking because she always looked so strong no matter what trouble came their way.

"Have any of you seen (Y/n)? And where is Madison? It's strange not hearing her usual snides by now when entering the room." Cordelia asked, trying to not fiddle with her hands as she interlocked them together on her lap, trying to appear strong.

"She's out with Madison tonight, they went to some type of party Madison have mentioned all week long and have managed to drag (Y/n) along with her." Queenie was the one that spoke up as the others looked between each other nervously.

The blonde slouched her shoulders, the worry crawling futher in her at hearing that you and Madison have sneaked out when she have made it clear everyone should be staying in to stay safe from any more witch hunters and dangers and also because she knows very well that partying and alcohol wasn't at all your thing and you'd much rather help her around the academy or her green house, reading books, or just listening to music alone or keep yourself entertained with video games and just rambling with her, Misty, Mallory and Queenie as they were the people you were most comfortable with.

"Where's the party they are at now." Cordelia asked after awhile, her voice suddenly sharp as she looked at the girls, waiting for them to answer.

"Madison mentioned something about a club that isn't much further from here." Queenie said nervously.

Cordelia immediately knew what club she talked about, remembering briefly how she had to drag her mother from that place once before she was the Supreme.

She have decided to not intervene this time but she definitely will be scolding you and especially Madison when you are back at the academy so she have waited.

She heard some ruckus at the front door, her eyes going to the clock that reads 3 in the morning and she immediately go over to the door, knowing it's you and Madison, a scowl on her face when she pried the door open causing you to jump a bit at the sudden noise of the door banging against the wall and the angry blonde standing in front of you with a scowl, glaring at you and Madison.

"Cordy, Hiiiiiii." Madison slurred out all drunkenly, being barely kept in a standing position by you but she could tell you both were drunk when you laughed when Maddison fell, pulling you along with her.

She definitely wasn't amused at all at this, not used to see you like this at all, angrily unfolding her arms and going over to pull you and Madison from the cold concrete floor.

"Tomorrow you both are going to get a big scolding from me."

"Chill Cordy, we were just having some funnnnn. Loosen up would you." Madison slurred on when she was back on her legs, supported by the supreme along with you.

"Yesss Cordy, loosen up." You and Madison both snickered along as the drunk blonde tries to clumsily pat at you but that resulted in her falling again when Cordelia couldn't prevent it on time especially when she was supporting two drunk people leaning against her.

"Oh for the love of." Cordelia cut herself off, glaring angrily at the two that is still laughing at Madison's fall.

"You stay here, I'll put this one in her damn room first then will get you." The Supreme pushed you up to the stairs, slowly guiding you and making sure you don't hurt yourself, pushing open your door when reaching the second floor but Nan peeked from her door after having heard the ruckus you mumbled drunkenly at the supreme about some stuff that happened and how at one point some have dared you and Maddison to makeout, she tried containing her jealousy, focusing on Nan as you dunkley waved at the mind reader witch that looks just as shocked to see you in such an unusual state.

"Nan, sorry to bother you. Would you be a dear and help Madison to her room? She's still downstairs on the floor." Cordelia asked, hoping to sound apologetic and hopefully not disturbing the other witch.

"Can't we just leave her on the floor?" Nan grumbled half jokingly as she closed her door and made her way down the stairs.

After Coredlia made sure you were safe in your bed completely asleep and left a painkiller along with water for you for the morning, knowing full well you'd wake up with hangover and killer headache she made her way downstairs to check up on Madison and Nan.

That night she was awake most of the time in her bed, being a bit disappointed in you both and also jealous of having heard about that dare you and Madison had to do, wondering if it was just drunk talk or the truth.

*Next morning*

You begrudgingly made your way downstairs, rubbing at your sore eyes and grumbling about it being too bright and the pounding headache, sitting down next to Queenie and Misty who looked at you with sympathy while Cordelia watched you in disappointment, lips in a thin line before moving her eyes to the food being served on the table.

Madison looked just a worse as you as she say across from you, kicking your leg under the table making you glare at her as you let out a groan under your breath.

"Last night was such a blast. Remember the time you lost control of your powers and almost boiled the blood of that creeper guy trying to hit on you? His face was hilarious as he didn't understand why he felt like his insides was being boiled, haven't it been for me stumbling into you he definitely would have been barbecue from the inside out." Madison snickered as you try and hide your face in shame behind your hands as the memories slowly began to piece together.

"That isn't important at all Mads, I wouldn't have done anything bad." You tried defending yourself, slowly shrinking into your seat when catching the glare of Cordelia, trying to avoid her narrowed brown eyes as you smiled sheepishly at the blonde supreme while the others just try to make small talk and not anger the blonde.

"And the time that red haired bimbo dared us to kiss, it was so good-" You kicked Madison's leg under the table harshly, your cheeks flaring red as you glared at the blonde, hoping the fire in your eyes will make her shut her mouth and safe all the embarrassment but you knew all too well she isn't one to feel embarrassed or ashamed.

You could clearly feel the anger and disappointment of Cordelia, cussing silently for having the ability to sense others emotions.

(End of flashback)

Ally gently took hold of Cordelia's hands, squeezing them making the blonde look up at her.

The older brunette smiled softly at the blonde, hoping to wipe that sad expression from her face, brows furrowing when she didn't succeeded with that as Cordelia just averted her gaze to thier hands, seemingly distracted deep in thought again, another flashback running through her mind.

(Beginning of flashback again sorry)

"Cordelia?!" Myrtle came tumbling into the room, startling the blonde supreme who turned to look at the disheveled older witch.

"Myrtle, what's all this about now?"

"It's (Y/n) and Madison." The older witch only needed to say that and Cordelia could already feel another headache forming.

"What did they do this time....again?" Cordelia sighed, rubbing at her temple in annoyance.

Myrtle only deadpanned nervously and yet worriedly and Cordelia immediately sensed that.

"Tell me what happened, is it something bad? Are the okay?" Cordelia suddenly looked concerned at Myrtle's distress.

"They went after Damian and his group. They were apparently attacked by three of his men while they were out and they have angered (Y/n) enough to went after them by mentioning her sister and Damian's name." Myrtle explained, looking at Cordelia in sympathy, knowing well that she is barely getting any rest with the whole witch hunters and being Supreme and the headmistress of the academy.

Cordelia immediately tensed at hearing that, the panic gripping at her heart as she stood up, ignoring the papers and the pen that dropped on the floor and all the others that was scattered over her desk.

"Keep the girl's safe, I have to go after them before something bad happens. I just hope that they aren't too late already." She rushed past a very worried Myrtle, immediately using the mental link between the two of you to trace you and Madison's location, using her powers to teleport her there.

She hated to admit it but she felt a bit unsteady and weak after having used her powers for that task, the stress weighed heavily on her but she wasn't going to give up easily, especially with the people she care about being in danger and especially you who she have grown a crush on with your time at the academy, the late nights of movie nights, you helping her at her greenery and just your protectiveness over everyone at the academy despite your sometimes cold demeanor to strangers but she knew that you did have a heart and care about others and she admired that endlessly, the thought of your smile and jokes and playful side is what gives her the strength to keep going and she was determined to see that sides of you again because you haven't been the same after Damian have killed your older sister that night.

Looking around she could make out that she was in a huge villa, the sun that is streaming through the windows lighting up the modern decorated

place and she could see a few bodies scattered around the living room with blood too, feeling dreadful but relaxing slightly when realizing that none was you or Madison but this urged her to move faster, her heartbeat going crazy but despite that she couldn't hear anything else, the silence making her more on edge as she stepped over more bodies while looking through rooms, stopping when she heard something at one door in the hallway, her hand lingering over the doorknob nervously at what she might find.

She gaped in shock at what she saw.

You were crying while Madison was holding you from the side, a rare softness and concern genuinely shining through at her friend, all over the big office room was more bodies and on the dark desk laid the lifeless body of Damian and she could clearly see that you have used your Thermovariance powers on him, the blisters on him being a clear give away.

Your hands that was covered in blood was shaking uncontrollably until they they rested on Madison who was still holding you, trying to calm you down as best as she could, she didn't look much better either bc she was also covered in blood and have caused just as much damage and have just as much blood on her hands from the witch hunters.

After getting over the shock Cordelia rushed over to your side, her brown eyes immediately scanning over you and Madison for any injuries until she noticed the way your body shook with sobs while Madison looked at the Supreme with a worried yet guilty look, pulling away from you and let the supreme pull you into her arms.

You tightly gripped Cordelia's black shirt in your bloodied hands while you shook, unable to control the sobs that is leaving your body as the whole event plays through your mind over and over again while Cordelia gently tries to calm you down.

"It's all okay, you are okay." She whispered in your ear gently while she rubbed at your back, one hand keeping you to her firmly, her heart breaking at hearing your sobs and the state you are in.

"The darkness. It got me!" You sobbed out, your mind screaming at you loudly, repeating over and over again that you were a murderer and that you should have been killed instead.

"No it doesn't. I've got you and you are safe." She said firmly, pulling you impossibly closer, knowing that her heartbeat would be calming you down if you felt it agaisnt you, gently rubbing your back again.

She knew you were having a hard time right now, and especially in feeling guilty now for what have happened here and she didn't blame you but she knew it was gonna happen one way or another and that the group of witch hunters would have had to be dealt with because they wouldn't have shown any mercy and would kill any witch they come across, as much as she hated to admit this she felt relieved that that was the end of Damian that have caused endless pain and death on others including your sister.

It didn't went well after that as everyone expected, it still weighted heavily on you and you couldn't stop hating yourself which have led to self harming and many more drunken nights with Madison.

(End of Flashback)

Ally looked at Cordelia with sympathy while she was talking about this, shocked by it all but also feeling sad for what you have been through and she knew this wasn't even half of it yet.

"Thank you for having looked after her when she left."

Ally looked puzzled at Cordelia, turning her dark eyes back to the blonde after having wiped some of her tears away, blushing slightly when seeing a small smile on the blonde supreme's lips.

"I should be the one being thankful for having been looked after by her instead, when we have met I was a wreck and yet she was determined to help me when she have heard what was happening with my ex wife. She didn't think I was crazy and have stayed to help me." Ally said with a smile, thinking back to that day you have met and how you haven't left her once or thought she was crazy.

"How did the two of you met for the first time anyways?" Cordelia asked curiously, her eyes on the brunette woman sitting next to her on the bed.

Ally looked down slightly, a shy smile forming on her face at the memory of that day all those time ago.

"Well to put it simple I've crashed into her on the street." She began.

"I was running from Kai and his cult of psychos my ex wife have joined that was after me, I didn't watch where I was going and when rounding a corner I've ran into her. To say she was completely bewildered and me even more scared that I was perhaps caught by one of those psychopaths is definitely a statement but when I looked up at her when she offered a hand to help me up and I saw those beautiful (e/c) eyes I knew that I've met an angel, the only thing I was able to focus on is how absolutely beautiful she looked despite the dark gloomy and dangerous streets and I've never felt more safer when I've had my hand in hers. I was so focused on her I didn't even noticed the dangers that was creeping upon me from behind but she certainly did as her eyes have stayed focused behind me while her soft hand was still in mine, despite that dark dangerous gleam that was in her beautiful eyes I didn't felt scared, was just more startled when there was screams behind me and have turned fearfully to see those clown psychos on the ground writhing in pain for no reason because I didn't see anthing that could have caused them pain but when looking back at that angel and the intensity in those eyes that have changed to a golden white glow I knew she must have done something and at first I thought I was dreaming because how on earth was I witnessing such supernatural things but her hand in mine was definitely assuring me that it was real. She didn't kill them but she have definitely left them in a lot of pain without having touched them."

Cordelia listened intently, smiling softly at hearing what the brunette thought of you being an angel, well she definitely wasn't wrong about thinking that, you were so angelic beautiful anyone would assume that you are indeed an angel and she herself have thought that endlessly when having caught sight of you doing anything, by being kindest and your utmost love and care to animals, plants and helping others at the academy or you just doing your own thing there was just something utterly otherworldly beautiful about you to her.

"After that night we became friends and she have helped me out endlessly and we have just grown closer and I couldn't ignore my not so tiny crush on her anymore until I've finally confessed and asked her out." Ally continued, a bright smile on her face this whole time and Cordelia smiled sadly now at this, not feeling jealous as much as she expected but just sad she haven't confessed her true feeling to you earlier too but she was just happy that you've finally found happiness too after everything and she admits that she is happy that Ally is making you happy and that she was so beautiful too.

When Ally looked back to the blonde she blushed when catching her eyes but tries to hide it, wondering why she felt this comfortable and shy towards her when she was jealous of her before when first meeting but she did like this feeling for some odd reason.

"What kind of powers does she all have? I only know so little about the true extent of her abilities and what each means and what they do." Ally asked awkwardly to try and hide her blush but also genuinely curious about those powers of yours.

Cordelia only smirked after noticing how nervous and shy Ally have gotten but she ignored the urge to tease her a bit like you would have definitely because of your teasy nature.

"Some of her abilities is rare and unique. She have Thermovariance which is the ability to boil others blood at any temperature she wants, I didn't even know of this ability until I've met her and her older sister. Molecular Combustion, the ability to make molecules speed up to the point that objects or beings explode. The ability to sense others emotions." Talking about that one she just wondered to herself how you haven't realized her feelings towards you but you are so oblivious sometimes.

Ally felt excited even more now about knowing more about your abilities, she couldn't wait to learn more about witches and magic.

"That sounds so interesting and intense, I wouldn't have any idea what any of those would have been with just the name of them." Ally admitted softly.

"She also have three basic ones like telekinesis, the ability to move objects at distance by mental power. Concilium, the ability to control another's mind through sheer willpower and vitalum vitalis the power to balance the scales of life and death."

After that there was just light chatter between the two about thier past and just more bits of your days at the academy and stuff like that until they were interrupted by you walking in followed by a white shadow.

Ally's eyes widen when seeing the white wolf with glowing yellow eyes standing next to you now, your hand running over the soft fur at it's neck, and she wanted to panic for for a moment at the big animal but relax when seeing that it doesn't seem like it's going to cause any danger and the way you are calm around it was definitely a confirmation of that.

Cordelia smiled brightly when seeing you there with your familiar wolf pet and your clear happiness as you smiled at the two women after looking away from your wolf.

You entered completely and sat down next to Ally and watched as Shadow followed you closely before sniffing at your very nervous looking girlfriend, immediately grabbing her hand and squeezing it in a reassuring way to hopefully calm her down but you understand her fears because you too were scared at first of Shadow after an accident but you have grown a strong bond with the magnificent white wolf that is protective over you especially after the death of Mila.

"This is Shadow. I know a strange name for a white wolf but when my sister and I have gotten her she always followed us around like a shadow." You introduced, gently guiding Ally's hand to pet at Shadow's soft fur, smiling when she calmed down and that your wolf is liking all the attention from your girlfriend.

"She's beautiful and so soft." Ally commented after awhile, admiring the glowing yellow eyes that is scanning over her, thinking the color to be a beautiful hypnotizing color.

Cordelia watched the three of you with a strange warm feeling, thinking she could really get used to this but immediately scolding herself for thinking something like that.

"Does all the witches have a familiar pet?" Ally asked suddenly, turning to look at Cordelia after Shadow have decided to lay her head on your lap while you give her attention.

"We all do yes, everyone's familiars are somewhere around the academy and with Misty at that tiny house at the backyard near my greenhouse. Mine is wandering around here somewhere too, she's not the biggest people person like (Y/n) over there."

"Hey!" You playfully glared at the supreme, a blush dusting your cheeks while Cordelia and Ally laughed.

(Time skip to a week later)

Everything was going well at the academy and Cordelia and Ally have started getting along with each other much to your joy when seeing the two women you care about the most getting along with each other, hanging out and making jokes and Ally have even hanged out with you and Cordelia while you helped the blonde in her greenhouse, her little heaven as she called it and you definitely agreed, you adored helping her out there, the girls were certainly happy too at this seeing the Supreme being her happy old self again, knowing she took your absence way harder than they did and Ally have learnt that Cordelia's familiar is black cat with yellow eyes quite similar to your wolf but only more feline like and was also fascinated at the magic abilities and watching you and Cordelia practicing together.

In that week you've also found out why your magic have flanked out, Myrtle having claimed you were becoming more stronger with certain abilities that would temporary weaken the others but it wasn't anything to be concerned about but you all were left quite baffled at the news that you are becoming as strong as Cordelia despite not being a Supreme.

You and Ally were in bed cuddling while all the all the girls and Cordelia was asleep, it was quite late and it was an eventful day, having gone out shopping with Maddison and Queenie and just having had a big hang out say with all the girls as Cordelia suggested before you two might leave soon, she was sad to that but she tried her best hiding her sadness.

"What do you think of Cordelia and the academy?" You questioned softly while snuggling closer to Ally's warm body, your head tucked under her neck while resting on her as she played with your hair, holding you close to her.

Ally immediately felt her cheeks heating up at your sudden question, her fingers in your hair stopping for a moment before continuing, letting out a hum against your head.

"I think she's amazing, I'm glad you've had her in your life after everything that have happened. She is a light in your life and will always be, I can see clearly how much she cares about you..."You could tell she wanted to add more but she paused after that

"And as for the academy...I absolutely love it here, seeing how you all interact and learning about all the magic and many others things, and what I love the most is seeing your happiness at being here again after so long away." Ally continued and smiled contentedly while nuzzling into your hair, planting a kiss there that have you smiling as you try and snuggle to her impossibly closer.

"What do you think of Cordelia?" Ally asked this time after awhile of just holding you close.

You felt yourself blush, nervously nuzzling to your girlfriend's neck and hoping she won't feel the heat of your cheeks.

"I errrr.....I think she's a very good person. The most caring one there is and that she is a true angel."

"Is that all?" Ally asked teasingly, her hands slipping under your shirt to rub circles on your back after sending how nervous you suddenly sounded.

You just wanted to dissapear when hearing her teasing tone but being quite surprised at Ally's curiosity now.

"Maybe more. But why are you suddenly asking all these questions now? Are you still jealous of her?" You asked.

"I told you there wasn't anthing to worry about with her, she knows I have you and she wouldn't want me like that." You continued, concerned suddenly.

The the older woman only chuckled at you, squeezing your waist in comfort.

"Honey, I can clearly see like everyone else that she does want you and care about you in a very romantic way, it's obvious in even the most subtle gestures and how she looks at you."

You stayed quite for a few moments, feeling shocked but you definitely were excited but felt a little guilty at that.

"If she does then are you still jealous?"

"I was at first but having came here to visit along with you, seeing all her care, affection and concern for you have made me realized that I've come to enjoy and admire it and I have to admit that seeing the two of you together makes me feel things I thought I wouldn't and Cordelia is a gorgeous woman just like you are. And I can see you like her too, the care you have for her." Ally explained a bit shyly at this.

You felt even more shocked at that but felt butterflies in your tummy at what she admited, the blush full on your face but you were glad the light is off so she couldn't see your blush and grin on your face.

"I don't even know what to say." You chuckled nervously.

Ally hugged you tighter to her kissing your cheek when moving her head, feeling just a nervous as you are but more so at some ideas that is running through her head.

"I'm gonna admit to having a crush on her too, she's just so kind and soft. And I felt ashamed at first because I thought you might be mad."

This time you hummed, leaning up to kiss Ally on the lips, letting your lips linger over hers until you felt her smiling into the kiss before pulling away.

"You don't have to feel ashamed, I too felt ashamed at first for crushing on her and thought you might be the one getting mad." You admited nervously, relaxing when your girlfriend rubbed her soft hands over your waist to calm you down.

"Well I believe it's safe to admit that we both have a crush on her and I'm more than okay with that." Ally said after a few moments of thinking deeply, feeling relieved after saying that and smiling when she felt you nod, agreeing with her.

"I think we should explore with this don't you think?" She asked you curiously, immediately grabbing your attention again.

"What do you have in mind then?" You asked, trying to hide the eagerness in your voice, smiling when Ally let out a mischievous laugh.

"I have so many ideas and I'm sure you do too, I know you are quite the tease."

End

I'm so sorry for the rushed and shitty update, I just feel like I could have done better here but have putted updating out for so long and wanted to give you all something to read again after a long time of not updating here. (Y'all please forgive me but I love putting pics and gifs to make it more descriptive too at times😅)

#cordelia goode x reader #ally mayfair richards x reader #wilhemina venable x reader #ahs imagine #billie dean howard

[polgara6]

Arcade

Carol Cox/Luxy Leroy Childhood AU

Sitting on a bench outside the arcade, leads to young Carol meeting a boy who makes her heart beat funny.

Carol was sitting outside the arcade waiting for her parents to pick her up. She’d never been inside the arcade but her parents had told her about all the horrible things that happened in there. Greed ran rampant and Carol was a good girl so she never went inside. She checked over her clothes as she sat. Her black Mary Janes were perfectly clean, her socks were perfectly white, her skirt didn’t have a wrinkle and lay perfectly flat, her sweater didn’t have a spot on it, and her most prized possession, her rosary, was perfectly polished and clean as a whistle.

She was about to start checking in her hair when the door to the arcade slammed open. A boy ran out like the hounds of hell were chasing him, his pockets overflowing with tickets. She’d heard other children bragging about them so she could only assume that’s what they were. The boy had long hair, far too long to be proper, and he was wearing a backwards baseball cap like she’d heard hooligans do. She wasn’t quite sure what a hooligan was honestly but she knew it was bad.

Other then that though he looked pretty normal. He had a nice polo shirt and some shorts. His freckles reminded her of the youth pastor who visited their church once. He’d made her cheeks feel hot when he’d smiled at her and she’d had to pray twice as hard that night. Suddenly the boy whipped around like he’d felt her staring at him.

“Hi I’m Luxy” he said cheerfully waving at her. She couldn’t help the small smile that appeared on her lips as she waved back. This boy seemed really nice and though she knows she’s not supposed to talk to boys outside of school and youth group maybe this boy wasn’t so bad.

“Hi I’m Carol” she introduced herself. The boy’s smile got even bigger as he walked over to her bench. She automatically scooted over so he could sit down as well. She’d never been this close to a boy she wasn’t related too; after all even in school they separated the boys and the girls and they did the same in youth group.

“Do you want some tickets?” He pulled some of the tickets out of his pocket revealing even more. Carol wasn’t sure whether to be horrified or impressed. He was clearly someone who spent a lot of time indulging greed but she’d overheard from the other children that it was particularly tricky to get tickets in this arcade compared to the other one across town.

“No thank you, I’m just waiting for my parents” Carol responded fiddling with her waist length hair. She wasn’t allowed to cut it beyond little trims and when she was an adult she knew she wanted it short. Her hair was far too much to handle. Luxy seemed disappointed at her response slumping slightly before promptly bouncing back.

“Aww are you sure, you can get some good stuff at the prize counter with these” he said shaking the tickets like that would somehow make them more enticing. Carol couldn’t have helped the giggle that came out of her if she tried. This boy was clearly covered in sin but he was so… something. Carol didn’t have a word for what he was but it made her heart beat faster and her cheeks flush.

Then her parents station wagon came around the corner. Carol immediately felt a mixture of sad and guilty. She knew that if her parents had come a second later she probably would’ve said yes to this charming boy then where would she be? Nowhere good that’s for sure.

“That’s my parents car I have to go, it was very nice to meet you Luxy” Carol said struggling to keep her tone even. The boy pouted visibly but still waved goodbye. Carol realized he was sad to see her go. A funny feeling emerged in her stomach that she wasn’t sure if she liked or not. She got in the car.

“Who was that Carol?” Her mother asked.

“His name is Luxy, he was waiting for his parents too I think” she responded. Her mom hummed a thoughtful note.

“You should stay away from him Carol, you know boys are bad news”

That was the end of it. Carol knew she was to never go near Luxy and by extension the arcade again. But she knew she would probably think of him later and the strange feelings he’d given her. He was full of sin and she had to remain sin free to get to heaven but the feelings were so nice. How could that be sin?

———-

End note: Hello all, so I’m obsessed if that wasn’t completely clear. I’m also working on two worstthrust fics over on ao3 so that’s fun. I will post about updates on here or at least I’ll try too. My beta’s are my sister who is equally obsessed but despises reading and my aunt who I see once a week who has no idea what we are talking about but is incredibly supportive. So if things take a hot minute you know what’s up. Now Carol and Luxy… they are so cute. They are so fucking cute I can’t. The dildo noir vid was incredible and I loved it. Although Luxy and Flint would also be very cute. The simultaneous joys and sorrows of being a multi shipper. Anyway everyone have a good choose your own adventure release day to those who celebrate! See you guys later!

#brandon rogers cinematic universe #brandon rogers #carol cox #luxy leroy #brcu #caroluxy

[weebsinstash]

Your recent posts inspired me to reread The Remarried Empress and Good God is Rashta the fucking worst. Not to mention Sovieshu constantly insisting Navier should suck it uup, accept Rashta and be besties with her, tells her she can have a lover and then gets jealous even though he knocked up another woman, AND tells Navier she is a cold hearted woman all the time. Oh and also the way he just expects her to love the baby he is having with the mistress??? They are both horrible, but Rashta is definetly the queen of dogshit manhwa side bitches.

Honestly even though I very strongly dislike Rashta and her manipulative antics, I can entirely 500% see EXACTLY where she's coming from if you look at it from a factual perspective.

She was literally a slave. A legal slave. People watched her be a fucking slave and didn't care because it wasn't against the law. Not touching on how traumatizing it would be to have literally everyone around you not care about the worst thing that has ever happend to you, which is constantly happening to you, but then she was further retraumatized by Alan, who made her feel safe and secure, then proceeded to impregnate her and pull all that safety and security right out from underneath her and leave her vulnerable and alone. My god she had to give birth alone in a dirty barn on her knees and she thought her baby died, her baby that no matter what was happening to her, she genuinely loved, genuinely wanted

I hate to say it but there are a decent amount of times Rashta was genuinely trying to be friendly in the very beginning, but she was ultimately being way too fucking dense and eager to please and fit in to her new life to realize Navier could not reciprocate all these friendly feelings. Rashta cried when Navier rejected her because she wanted her approval, and being rejected as a sort of friend and, in her mind, being looked down upon, kind of made her trauma resurface again in the sense of "oh no I'm finally safe with Sovieshu but his wife might kick me out". Like, Sovieshu was the first instance of security she had had in a very long time and she was TERRIFIED of going back to her old life. Like my god can you even imagine how it felt for her to be at the party Sovieshu was hosting, she's in his house, she feels safe, she is with her lover, she's nice and clean and dressed up pretty and she is trying to become a noble in the eyes of the people around her so that she can be safe and respected, and out of nowhere her literal slave master appears right in front of her and says to everyone in the room "well golly gee look everyone if it ain't my slave Rashta!"

Honestly, Sovieshu, by contrast, is worse to me. Not saying Rashta is completely innocent but like he took in a clearly traumatized woman who was in an extremely emotional vulnerable scenario as an enslaved woman who was desperate to not live in constant agony and he immediately started a romantic relationship because... he misses how his wife used to be? He's chasing his fucking glory days from when a young woman would bat her eyes at him and tease him? Sorry is being an Emperor and leading an entire kingdom a real bummer for you, dude? Gee, i wish there was someone you could try and open a dislogue with who would understand your scenario, someone who also has a lot of responsibilities like gee I dunno YOUR FUCKING WIFE???

Sovieshu had absolutely no pretense or pre-established behavior to start painting Navier as a villain amd accusing her of bullying Rashta besides "oh no you aren't a sweet innocent obedient little damsel who does whatever i say anymore therefore you are clearly a jealous cold-hearted bitch and you are doing this to spite me" WHEN SHE JUST TAKES HER JOB SERIOUSLY? and he's fucking dumb enough to think that he shouldn't loop Navier in on his plan to try and legitimize Rashta's child, which ultimately stems from his belief that Navier is infertile and he needs/wants children? "Oh yeah I'll just blindside her with a fucking divorce after we've been married since childhood after I started accusing her of being a nasty bitch and having an affair, she'll definitely take me back, 100% she will still love me because I will apologize :)"

He tried to fuck his cake and eat it too and eventually he will be left with jack shit nothing and meanwhile Navier will living it up with her new hot mage hubby and her romantic tension with that hot respectful love potion making Duke whose name escapes me

[dredshirtroberts]

I get it. I get why my aunt wanted to push back against the negative view I have of my parents and the family most closely associated with them. I understand why she wanted me to consider their side of things - she's a parent too, after all. And it's hard, it really is, to see a child disown their parents instead of the other way around. It's hard to see it the other way around too, don't get me wrong, but like. Kids aren't "supposed" to disown their parents.

I don't doubt that my parents believe with their whole chests that they love me and have done their very best with me - in fact i agree that they did their very best with me that they possibly could have.

Their best was just bad. Because I was self-sufficient it makes sense that they assumed i didn't need their help - wrong though that assumption may be. They were young, they were figuring out what to do next now that they both had a kid and a spouse they weren't super sure they were ready for. I get it.

Also that's her older brother i'm shit talking, and I do acknowledge the things they have done for me that were good. Because even a stopped clock is right twice a day.

But they ignored me, intentionally or not. They dismissed my interests or made fun of them so hard that I not only stopped bringing them up on my own, but I have a hard time engaging with some of them to this day because i was shamed out of enjoying it. They do not ask about what else I do because they do not care to learn if they have anything in common with me anymore.

Dad was passive aggressive as fuck about me setting a reasonable boundary. My aunt was immediately just "Sounds good, I can do that, I wanna hear about your personal life more anyway."

And you know what? I've literally never had any single person in my family do that for me and actually pay attention as I talked and asked me questions about things. And that's what she can't see, when I say that my parents see me only as a status symbol. That's why she pushes back and says that of course it's different - they wouldn't say horrible negative things about me being a leftist/"liberal", queer, Weirdo because I'm their kid.

Except i heard what they said about *her* and she's closer to center than I am. I heard what they said about anyone who was left of where they were. It...was not kind.

at best, they called people stupid for thinking the way they did. Brainwashed. I won't repeat at worst, for my own sake.

Anyone who falls away from their path is unintelligent or gullible or easily swayed and manipulated. Anyone who does not think the way they do after being presented with their facts is an idiot. I am likely labeled both, whether they say the words or not. I have received the patronizing smiles and the polite capitulations that say very clearly that i just don't know what i'm talking about, even if—especially if—i know more on the subject than they do.

I don't blame her, though. And it...didn't hurt as much to have her push back on it. I get it. I didn't want to know these things about my parents either. I didn't want to see it happen at me. I didn't want to realize how things were going.

My parents are not good people. At best they are polite. I will not say what they are at worst. Not tonight.

But tonight I will say that I had one of the most fulfilling conversations with a family member I've ever had. I will say that I felt loved and respected the whole meal. I am looking forward to getting to know her—and everyone else my parents spoke poorly of behind their backs—and have a relationship with her. I'm finally looking forward to the future and it...it looks safe. And filled with family—found and otherwise—who love me.

Tonight I had a good time.

Plus also we looked hella good for being out in a proper sitdown restaurant for the first time since moving up here lol.

#just rambling to re-process everything #I'm...at peace with things for now #i know they're not going to come around easily if at all it's not their way #and that's okay #i'm at peace with that right now #does it suck? absolutely #but like...i'm tired of trying to fix it #i'm not sure it could be called broken in the first place #unfortunately i'm pretty sure the underlying structure of my relationship with them is the way they want #i'm just not playing by their rules anymore and i'm showing off the structural issues in the familial bonds #but i'm tired of navigating the bullshit and playing their stupid games #intentional or not they've been terrible to me for a very long time #and it's not my fault nor is it my responsibility to do anything about it

[cattyanon]

So eventually Sonic wakes up standing at (some place) which is deserted. Knowing what this means he feels like throwing up. He’s being used as a puppet to kill people with the excuse of survival.

He sprints into a forest as he thinks about what he’s going to do next. He’s clearly too dangerous to be near people right now. Sonic settles on isolation for the time being. He doesn’t want to risk hurting anybody with something he doesn’t know how to control.

For a moment he considers staying with Tails before he remembers that’s impossible. He had momentarily forgotten about what he was forced to do, too focused on not hurting anybody else.

And without the parasite there to distract him, what happened hits him all at once.

Tails.

T a i l s .

His brother. Gone.

And he couldn’t even do a thing. He just stood there and watched it happened. There was a feeling of pure terror he felt just thinking about it. He couldn’t save him. He couldn’t do anything.

And the terror he felt only grew when he felt his tails droop and hit the ground. Another horrible reminder of what happened. He hates it. He hates it so, so much. At this point he’s crying.

He wishes he didn’t have those two tails. Thinking about them being there felt so wrong and yet for reason they were so easy to move and he absolutely hates it. Why does it feel so natural? It shouldn’t feel so natural, none of this is natural! 

He needs help. He doesn’t want to but he knows he needs it at this point. But who? Who does he go to for something so horrible?

Thinking about it he eventually decides that Amy might be his best bet for this. I mean, she did accept him even in his werehog form. He’d have to be careful though. He doesn’t want to hurt anybody else.

Shit, now I gotta figure out where tf Amy lives... aaaand the only mention of where she lives is in Sonic Boom which is not the canon this takes place in. I guess I’ll just base it off her house in that then? Let’s just go with that.

So Sonic arrives at the house near the beach Amy lives in and stands in front of her door for awhile. She’s going to immediately question him on what happened when she saw his eyes. 

Was he even ready for this? Chaos, was it even a good idea to get Amy involved?

Sonic is starting to think that maybe he should just leave when the door suddenly opens. It’s Amy. And as expected, once she realizes who it is, bombards him with questions.

He gets her to calm down with the questions and they both walk inside. Amy comments that she was about to go shopping but whatever reason Sonic has to be here must be important.

He sits on the couch and Amy notices something very strange she didn’t notice before. She’s extremely tempted to ask but... it probably has something to do with why Sonic is here. She’ll just ask him if he doesn’t bring it up.

And since she knows this is Sonic, the one who doesn’t like sharing his feelings, she knows she needs to go slow.

Amy is patient and with time Sonic eventually recounts everything that’s happened that he remembers. She tries to hide it but she’s absolutely horrified. And it definitely happened too. There’s no way Sonic would joke about something like that regarding Tails.

So Amy is barely keeping it together as Sonic laments that he doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t want to hurt anybody but eventually this thing is going to come back and make him hurt more people.

“It’ll insist I’ve run out of reserves eventually. I don’t want to hurt anyone but I don’t know how to make it stop either!”

Amy asks him to give her a moment to think up something.

She eventually gets an idea. “Well maybe if you eat more than usual that’ll keep you filled up? You should probably also try and get a handle on these giant shadow hands you’ve told me about too.”

Sonic then thanks Amy for her advice and says he’ll think about it and asks if she doesn’t mind him sticking around for awhile. He can’t bring himself to go back to the workshop. Just thinking about it makes him feel queasy.

Amy agrees and says that while Sonic thinks about it that she’s going to do her shopping. (And now she’s also going out to wrap her head around what she was just told because wtf)

So Amy heads off to go shopping while Sonic walks along the beach contemplating about what Amy said.

And what she said definitely made an amount of sense. If he ate more than he already does it would probably fill up whatever reserves the thing (he doesn’t know it’s a parasite) was talking about.

Then there’s the whole learning how to control those weird giant shadow hands. It was probably possible. He did do it that one time in Station Square even if it was an accident.

Eventually Sonic comes to a stop. He really didn’t want to do this, it would just serve as a reminder of what happened, but he couldn’t risk hurting somebody again.

He couldn’t risk doing that to Amy as well.

With a new found resolution, Sonic decides to give controlling the hands a try. He can’t end up hurting somebody close to him again. (What he doesn’t know is that it wasn’t him who actually used the hands to snatch up Tails. That’s right, I’m making him feel guilty for something he didn’t actually have control over at the time. Mwahahaha!!)

Anyways Sonic ends up looking like an absolute maniac from an outsider’s perspective while trying to summon a hand. 

I think I’ll leave it here so I can try to really get into the details of Sonic summoning a hand for the ‘first’ time. I wanna try writing how it’ll feel. Try and hone some writing skills in the process, you know?

Anyways there will be angst coming up. If you’re interested in what the next super angsty thing is gonna be just look in the tags.

#Sonic #sonic au #sonic.exe au #Consumption.EXE #If you guessed #”Sonic is gonna end up consuming Amy next” #you win a prize. #(the prize is a gold star lol)

[weabooweedwitch]

domestic violence tw, im fine but it involves my sister being hurt (in the past) that I JUST found out about last night and im just extremely extremely EXTREMELY UPSET

I dont even. I dont even know how to say this. During the one year I wasn't talking to my sister or barely talking to her because i was just going through a lot and our relationship is complicated and I didnt want to deal with it, I was mostly just hearing bits and pieces about her life through our mom, amd since my sister has bipolar/bpd/substance issues we were really just getting blips over text, and when she did finally call it would be kind of brief and she's always very drunk to the point she kind of just dumps 20 different topics on you and then hangs up. So we aren't always aware or up to date on what she's been doing or going through and often we have to ask questions over and over just to know minor details about how she's doing

So apparently at some point last year my sister's then-boyfriend actually tried to kill her and there's even an article about the assault online and it's just

She apparently told our mom when it happened and she told her in such a weird casual way my mom didn't even realize she was being serious? My sister has been walking around thinking we didn't care that she got seriously hurt? Jesus Christ this article uses public record or whatever to talk about how my sister had fucking BITE MARKS from him and he tried to strangle her so hard it left bruises on her neck and I just

even when she told me last night, she was just casually like "did mom ever tell you Ryan tried to kill me? Yeah, in May, just Google -------"

Im just so fucked up right now. I wasn't there to support her. She was alone. I googled the article after I got off the phone with her and read the details and just started hysterically crying because oh my god, I didn't know, she must have thought I didn't even care an

And. Like. My mom's reaction was also extremely upsetting to me. Because im literally finding out from an article online that my sister was attacked last year and im JUST NOW FINDING OUT, im hysterically sobbing "oh my god what did I do,, i left her alone" and our actual fucking mom is just like. She was acting so fucking weird? She just kept saying shit over and over like "I didn't know, she didn't say anything" and she's like clearly upset but she's not crying? Not one single tear?

And I even say "im just kind of in shock that you both miscommunicated this so fucking badly, that she's been walking around under the impression she told you she was attacked and you basically had no reaction"

And she just replies "no I feel really awful" THEN WHERE ARE THE TEARS BITCH, YOU SEEM MORE CONCERNED WITH HOW THIS SITUATION MAKES YOU LOOK THEN FINDING OUT YOU FAILED YOUR FUCKING FIRSTBORN

Not one single fucking tear while I'm HYSTERICAL. Not one. Im sobbing and she's just reading the article over and over and kind of just, maybe she was in shock? Maybe it was shock? But she kept talking about like some unrelated shit over and over and I just wanted to SCREAM "what about your fucking DAUGHTER"

I just. I just. That really disgusted me. Like I felt a really awful emotion last night, I wanted to shake her. And you know what's horrible. The biggest reason my sister hasn't been talking to us is because our mom makes her feel like a fucking loser so she never wants to tell us how she's doing because she doesn't want to be judged or hounded or get loads of mom's "advice"

So. Yeah. Uh. Before we spoke with my sister on the phone we had already arranged to rent a car and travel across state lines to go see her for a welfare check and now I'm just. I hate myself. I'm upset with my mom. My sister immediately jumped into a new relationship and this loser is letting her stay unemployed paying for her rent with her 401k savings, like. Fuck. I actually want to kidnap her to have her live with us for her own safety right now.

[whelpimnauthuman]

I had a thing happen in Clangen and I need to share (and probably eventually draw/make a story about)

For background, the two main cats (Boulderlight and Dustshard) are siblings, in a mountainous Clan known as Crestedclan. Their parents are Fawnstar and Frostsnap, the two are from different litters. Boulder is older with a sneaky personality, Dustshard just graduated a few moons ago and is compassionate.

The Clan recently ended a war with a neighboring Clan; during that time Boulderlight's leg was broken from a trap that had been set. She's nest-bound while it heals, which is fine because she's expecting kits. (Dustshard sympathizes; he had broken a bone during his assessment - he'd graduated on time, and recovered just fine! But he remembers the feeling all-too well)

The kits are born, and after a few weeks Boulderlight's leg heals, although it's horribly mangled- she'll clearly have to relearn how to walk on it.

Dust offers to take his sister out on a walk outside camp - not far, he promises, just to get some air. She happily agrees, although it takes much more effort to convince her mate, Scorchbloom.

"We're not going that far, just for me to get some air. Besides, you heard Lynxstep, I need to exercise my leg-"

Scorchbloom doesn't like it ("Why can't you get some air in camp?") but eventually agrees, going to watch their kits.

I'm kinda vague on details here, but essentially the two go out and enjoy themselves, have some sibling bonding, etc. but are stopped by the smell of rogue. It puts them on edge for obvious reasons, but there's also the fact that the last moon a rogue was spotted, but fled before he could be chased off. The patrol at the time had felt very strange and off-put by how quickly he fled and agreed to keep an eye out.

The siblings now are on edge, and are suddenly confronted by a gang of 3-4 rogues, who, while they don't seem violent, immediately put Boulder on edge. They give off a weird vibe, and she tries to subtly, quietly, get Dust to go back to camp without the rogues noticing, or at least before they get more aggressive. After all, he can at least run and get help.

Dustshard refuses, until Boulderlight physically shoves him, right as one of the rogues leaps. She's forced to the ground, and he bolts, one of the attackers hard on his paws.

The sounds of Boulderlight's battle draw another patrol, but it's already too late - Boulderlight is dead.

Dustshard isn't going back to camp with this stranger behind him. He's going back to his sister as fast as possible. He realizes he knows this territory better than this intruder, so hides himself... Before ambushing the larger cat. Dustshard knows he's losing, but he can at least take this rogue with him. In a final, desperate attempt, he tackles the stranger and pushes them both into what is known to be an unstable part of the mountain...

Hearing his mate's death, Scorchbloom can't return to the nursery...

#Clangen #tbh i think they may have actually been in the med den (for their broken bones) at/around the same time? #i don't remember jfjdjs #ALSO it transed Scorchbloom for some reason (not complaining XD) #he was actually the one pregnant/carrying the kits? despite? being a (apparent) tom? and Boulder being a she-cat? #(Scorch isn't actually trans in the profile or i wouldn't be saying anything jfjdj I just got Random MPreg Cat) #this is. basically how i imagine it going down at least? obviously if i make it an actual story it's going to be written better but fjsns #cliffnotes version basically #idk the rogues motives yet and am. still debating the deaths #i think they've been watching the Clans and tbh kinda like the idea of them starting the war from earlier #(or at least making it worse?) #bc Crestedclan was. suddenly fighting this Clan for (afaik) no reason??? just suddenly 'the war with xclan has begun' ??? #we've only ever talked to you twice??? XD #so yeah currently these rogues are trying to have the Clans fight each other/kill each other off so they can have the territories #unless something else happens? #ALSO in the moons since we've been getting A LOT of kits where the other parent is unknown so uhhh- #that could ALSO be a thing??? (idk how/what tho)

[getmemymicroscope]

I saw that final twist coming - I'm sure most people did - but I was leaning towards 'relative' (maybe of the long-lost variety, since he had claimed that she had no family left; though, then, that was just his word) or maybe 'caring/distraught friend' (in other words, something more like Contratiempo/The Invisible Guest); if we're being honest, 'supernatural being that foretells her death' was definitely not atop my list of possible outcomes. In fact, though, the entire thing does have a very Contratiempo-type of feel (biased by view order, of course, as this movie came out first, and the play this is based on was out many, many years before) almost immediately.

That aside, though, this is a wonderful story about the disgusting reality of people - what is it the father says, something about only looking out for yourself and that community isn't important - especially people like that. They're just a horrific group of people: that's not to say everyone, or at least most people, aren't guilty of something or another in life, but their reactions to everything, and their immediate concerns about money and covering it up, speak to just how horrible of people they are.

One might think it is a bit overdramatic, but you look at the world now and ... it, like, isn't. Which is very sad.

The "everyone is involved" was also pretty predictable in this type of story - they'd have to be to make this work. Sure, there could've been a final twist that the last of them (the son, in this case) was actually not guilty of anything and was actually the only one with a heart (maybe some shades of 7 Women and a Murder?, or more likely, some I think Bollywood movie, but maybe not, that's name/identity is completely slipping my mind at the moment), but this doesn't really surprise. They needed everyone involved.

But, with that, I'm glad that they showed that at least Eric and Sheila not only felt guilty, but also showed signs of being different than their horrific, irredeemable parents (and brief-time fiancé) - signs that at least they were somewhat human. The father was clearly heartless from the start, and the mother too once she entered the room. Eric, from the start seems to be aghast at what his father did and, even upon realizing that he was involved, his mindset didn't change at all.

David Thewlis as the eponymous inspector is brilliant, and I really liked the actress playing Sheila as well in terms of displaying that stark contrast in mindset/beliefs as the movie progresses.

People are a disgrace to humanity.

#movies #movieblr #gmmm does movies