#but since I've never been there idk how it's going to be

[xzhdjsj]

Sakuverse Characters Walking in on You Watching a ✨️Spicy Film✨️

Warning: NSFW!!!

Includes: Andrew, Isaac, Xanthus, Elias

Sooooo this is an idea I got from a recent ask I saw from @ilovegureshin (I hope you don't mind me tagging you). Since there's only 4 chars, I may do a pt. 2 in the future🦦

This is warm up for pt. 2 of that Zaros fic CUZ I'VE NEVER WRITTEN FULL SMUT BEFORE AND IDK WTF I'M DOING YALL

Anways as always, I hope you enjoy😌🫶

‼️ Repost cuz my dumbass deleted the original while editing🙄 We back to being hrny on main tho!

-

Andrew

Andrew is late today, maybe it's traffic, maybe he's just working a bit overtime but in the end you were the one being subjected to torture.

It's been a rough day, and you couldn't wait to get home to him. A bad day is always mendable when your boyfriend knows how to make you feel good. But given he's not home before you today, your next best option was your own hands and something to get your imagination going.

You're sitting on your knees, legs spread apart just a bit and your headphones comfortably shielding you from the noises outside. Your laptop is placed infront of you, theres two character on the screen a blonde and a brunette with a similar body type as Andrew's. You don't reach for these kinds of vides often, more like you don't need to, but sometimes the wait is too much. As the couple in your screen get more and more handsy with each other, you can't help but imagine the way Andrew touches you, the way his hand would ghosts over your thighs, or just gently touch your sides all in his attempts to rile you up. You miss him so much right now but the show must go on.

Your hands move from caressing your skin, making its way between your legs, slowly palming yourself through your undergarments.

You lost track of time, forgetting that soon your boyfriend would be home. Though it was too late for that.

Andrew knew something was up when you didn't greet him at the door like you usually do, and when the calls for your name went unanswered. What he didn't expect was to be greeted by such a... surprise.

Your back is facing the door, and you couldn't hear him through your headphones. He takes a quick glimse at the screen and grins, making his way over to the bed. He, very casually, walked up behind you and turns your face to the side so he can kiss you. You're quickly knocked out of your daze and slam the laptop shut as you scramble at the sheets.

"Andrew!"

"No 'Welcome home' hugs for me today? Although I must say this might be a better welcome after a long day."

Isaac

Sometimes when Isaac works really late you "go to bed early because you're tired", he doesn't come out of his office for hours so you have adequate time to relief yourself without disturbing Isaac. Tonight in particular, you felt completely disoriented. You couldn't get any work done and it was hard to focus. So when you couldn't take it anymore, you faked a yawn and excused yourself for the night. Isaac promised he'd be in bed with you soon, but knowing him "soon" meant at least another hour or two.

So you take advantage of the time, setting up your laptop next to you, and stripping away your clothes. Even though the volume of the video was lowered, your voice was not. Not that Isaac can hear you all the way in his office anyways. Your laboured breaths and soft moans echo the room. You take your time to rid the stress from your body, and your once soft moans increasing in volume as you get closer and closer.

Only for your body to stiffen at the three curt knocks on the door. You close the laptop quickly and pull your blanket over your body. He opens the door slowly, moving just a single step inside.

"Sorry, I uhm... I heard you through the door and- and I was going to leave, I promise! But you sounded so... good."

He's looking down at the floor, a hand on the back of his neck as he explains himself. The way the fabric of his pants stretched to accommodate his erection was obvious and maybe you didn't need your laptop anymore for tonight.

You drop the blanket from your body, crawling to the edge of the bed.

"Come here with me Isaac."

Xanthus

It was no accident. Not when you knew he could hear the video playing in your screen and the way your heart rate quickens.

You're spread out on your and Xanthus' bed, with a random video playing in the background. You didn't really care for the video, it was just there to hold your plan together and make your actions as obvious as you can. It was all just a ploy to get his attention. You knew that he knew that too, and at some point he'd give in and come find you.

You started off discreet, faintly running your hands up and down your body. It got your blood pumping as your heart rate increased, but when that didn't draw him to you, caution was thrown right out the window and you fully indulged yourself in what you could be feeling. Your voice bounced off the walls and he could definitely hear you loud and clear now. Your eyes are squeezed shut, one hand supporting your weight behind your back, the other between your legs.

Your eyes flicker open at the sound of your laptop being slammed shut.

Your pulled at the blanket, barely covering your body at all as you feigned shame.

"Xanthus, I didn't hear you come in."

"Yeah I'm sure the door being open was also part of your plan wasn't it?" He's standing at the end of the bed, eyes completely shadowed over with lust.

"I don't know what you mean." You lie.

"Don't play dumb with me, you love testing my patience don't you?"

"Perhaps"

"Brazen, but you might just regret starting this."

He crawls onto the bed towards you, clawing at the bottom of the blanket ripping it from your grasp and exposing your body.

Elias

There isn't much to do in the safe house, especially when you're alone. Being with Elias all the time is great and you love it, but having some time apart to be by yourselves was also nice. What you planned to do with your time today was one you definitely wanted to be alone for.

You lifted your laptop from the nightstand, placing it infront of you and scrolling to find the videos you favourited. There was a select few that you enjoyed, especially because you could imagine yourself in those scenarios, only now you could also picture someone as the other person in the videos.

Elias was all the way in his room, probably playing games or sleeping, whatever it was you hope it kept him in there for as long as possible. Once you're all prepared, you set the laptop down and kicked off your pants, leaving only your shirt and underwear on. Your eyes are set on the screen, watching and replicating the way the character's hand moved on the other. Your shirt is hiked all the way up, caught between your teeth so you hands could freely access your chest. All you could think of is Elias and if he'd also touch you this way. Surely if you asked, he wouldn't say no to you right?

Your other hand reaches down to the fabrics hugging your pelvis, fingers slipping inside to touch yourself.

But you're pulled to reality when the door knob creaks and Elias comes into view.

"Hey babe, do you wanna- Shit!"

You immediately tug your shirt down and make a high pitched sound and Elias quickly rushes right back out the door.

"I'm sorry!" He yells from outside. "I didn't know and your door was unlocked- Jeez I really am sorry!"

You body drops onto the bed, silently cursing yourself for not locking the door.

"It's okay." You tell him. "Did you need something?"

He's quiet for a moment before speaking again.

"Can I come back inside?"

You swallow hard at his request, pulling your blanket over your lower body.

"Yeah, sure"

The door slowly opens and Elias steps inside.

"Sorry, you look really fucking hot right now and I can't get it out of my head." He confesses and you're dumbstruck.

"Elias I uhm-"

"If this is too much for you, tell me to leave now, else I don't plan to." He cuts you off.

"Don't. I don't want you to leave"

"Good."

Before you knew it, his shirt is on the foor and your arms are wrapped around his neck as he kisses you.

"Were you thinking of me?" He asks.

"....yeah"

-

#zsakuva #sakuverse #asmr #andrew marston #isaac rhoades #xanthus claiborne #elias #zsakuva andrew #zsakuva isaac #zsakuva xanthus #zsakuva elias

[knickynoo]

I don't know if you've done this before: headcanons on Marty Junior and Marlene?

I'm almost positive I have done some sort of Junior and Marlene headcanon post, but I can't find it, so here are some off the top of my head. Gonna go with the versions of them that I imagine for the timeline that's fixed—where the Rolls Royce accident never happened—and Marty and Jennifer aren't miserable, lol. I think both Junior and Marlene would be more well adjusted in that one (especially Junior!)

• The difference in their personalities is evident to Marty and Jen pretty much from the start, with Marlene being the louder, more demanding of the twins and Junior being a much "easier" baby.

• They're extremely close, and Marlene naturally takes on the role of Junior's protector. Often, Marty and Jen have to remind Marlene to take a step back because she's being a little too much of a mother-hen to her brother, and they want Junior to learn to stand on his own two feet.

• Fixed-timeline Junior is quite different from the version of him in the 2015 we see in the movie. He's been raised in a more stable environment with a father who hasn't been defeated by life, so he's not the wimpy, scared little greasy guy who's easily pushed around. He's more sure of himself, not so easily frazzled, and is every bit as big-hearted as his father.

• Junior is not neurotypical. (How can he be? Look at Marty and George) I don't have a specific diagnosis in mind, but I know a draft of part II made reference to him being in a remedial school (and failing) so there's likely some learning disorder at play. In one of my Doctober chapters that include two-year-old versions of the twins, Clara's excited to learn that Junior has picked up a few new words—meanwhile, Marlene is using full sentences—so I do headcanon him as having been delayed in some areas.

[Side note: in that same scene, Doc tells Marty not to worry about Junior's progress, since Jules didn't start speaking until three-and-a-half, lol]

• Marty loves, loves, loves Marlene so much, but sometimes he thinks that she will be the death of him. Especially when she's young and full of sass and always getting into everything and he's struggling to keep up with her. He and Jen 100% lose Marlene in the mall on more than one occasion, and when they find her, she's just like, *shrug.*

• The twins have a special bond with Doc and Clara. Clara dotes on them but is especially close with Junior while Doc is closer to Marlene. When the kids are little and Marty and Jen feel like they're about to collapse from exhaustion, they dump Junior and Marlene at the Brown home and know they'll be well taken care of.

• As Marlene gets older, she's really into fashion, so she's close with her Aunt Linda. I can see Marlene being popular, but she's the type of popular girl who's liked by everyone. She has attitude, but she's not mean.

• Junior is just...Junior. He loves life and is out there doing his thing. He's the type who has a new hobby or interest every week, and Marty and Jen just have to roll with it. He walks in from school one day and goes, "I'm going to be a famous dancer, I decided" and then a week later says, "I want to learn to build a car" and they're just like, "Oh. Okay."

• I think they'd both try to learn an instrument at some point (likely guitar taught by Marty) but I can't decide if either of them would stick with it long term. Somehow, I don't see them being musicians.

• There's a part of me that wants to say an older Marlene eventually learns about time travel and all the wild stuff Marty went through. Idk how it would happen, though. Maybe she overhears something whispered between her parents in private or maybe she's just very perceptive and notices her father being weird about certain events in his life, so she corners him and is like, "Okay, Dad, spill the beans." Perhaps she's also put together some clues in all her time spent with Doc.

Thats about all I've got for now. Thanks for the ask!

#back to the future #bttf #asks #marlene mcfly #marty mcfly jr

[beebeedibapbeediboop]

Do you have any open commission slots open?

For now, not really...I'm finishing those I already have and getting back to people on my waiting list :)

Though I should reopen them soon in about a week but It will depend if I have enough internet while I go to Chile

#I'm staying there for two weeks so i do plan to take commissions #but since I've never been there idk how it's going to be #and the place I'm staying at has wifi only in one room lmao

[shitouttabuck]

wip wednesday

tagged by @rewritetheending @onward--upward and @alyxmastershipper 💓💓💓

i haven’t reeeeally started writing anything other than planning this out broadly because it’s very plot heavy but got a little lost thinkin about the intimacy of shaving the other day so this is from x files au in some shitty shared motel room while they’re cryptid hunting or chasing aliens idk we’ll figure it out

When he emerges, hair towelled dry and in clean clothes, Eddie frowns at him. “What?” he asks. “Promise I didn’t finish all the hot water.” “No, you just look—” Eddie gestures at Buck’s face, “—scruffier than usual.” “Oh,” Buck says, running a hand over his day-four stubble. “I forgot my razor.” “Oh,” Eddie’s face clears, “just use mine.” Buck swallows. “Um. Okay. Thanks.” Eddie nods at him and goes back to squinting at his phone, so Buck about-faces and re-enters the bathroom. It’s not a big deal, he tells himself as he foams up his face. It’s like—like sharing a hairbrush. Intimate, sure, not something you’d tend to do with people you don’t know well, but it’s not a big deal.  He wets the razor and brings it to his throat, heart hammering there so violently it feels like his Adam’s apple is trying to get out. If his hand doesn’t stop trembling he’s going to nick himself, and God, he is being absolutely fucking ridiculous. Deep breath. The razor glides over the thin skin of his throat, muscle memory even as he stares at himself in the mirror. Doesn’t think about Eddie doing this every morning, using this very razor. Blade edge kissing his jaw the same way it kisses Eddie’s. Doesn’t think about Eddie doing this for him, hand holding his chin as he shaves Buck carefully, grip firm when he turns Buck’s face this way and that. Doesn’t think about Eddie kissing where the blade kissed him first.  Doesn’t think about any of that when he rinses the razor clean and slots it back into the travel mug, where Buck’s toothbrush rests against Eddie’s with such easy familiarity it’s about to spark a whole new crisis. 

tagging @try-set-me-on-fire @jeeyuns @housewifebuck @anxieteandbiscuits @forthewolves @zahlibeth @athenagranted @buckactuallys @transboybuckley @icecreampotluck @diazblunt if you have anything to share today or later!

#since starting t the last couple months i've had to start shaving my face and it's quite weird actually! gender is so [waves hand] like idk #but didn't have anyone to teach me. and was just thinking about how it wouldve been a pretty intimate thing if i had #also i think this fic will have switching pov which is very exciting to me #but also. it's a mammoth one even just planning it and i have so much real life shit i've been ignoring #and also writing a shorter silly thing that im having fun with rn so might put this on the backburner #but also x4 my foster puppy just got taken to his new home and im sad and miss him like a goddamn lung #so i need something to distract me every empty minute and eddie diaz as dana scully is going to be that i think #but ALSO there’s so much fic i want to catch up on READING #ain’t enough time in the day. and yet i never seem to do anything #sorry for these endless tags #tag game #wip #x files au

[forestgreenlesbian]

.

#feel like my relationship with my younger brother is changed completely forever not to be dramatic lol but i am sad #we used to b very close but he has kind of. found his faith again and gone full missionary christian which like. i knew meant the dynamic #was doomed lmao but actually acknowledging it makes me sad i feel like i'm grieving for the friendship we used to have even though #it is literally a me problem i think from his perspective he doesn't think anything has changed. but i feel weird about everything #also his new gf is nineteen and he is. almost 25 and i am the only one who feels weird about it like i know she's over 18 but! idk i can't #tell if i'm being overly cautious or if my gut instinct is right. my sister & her husband have a similar age gap but they met when they wer #both over 30 so like. it didn't feel weird. and i didn't feel comfortable actually seriously talking to him about it apart from the first #time he mentioned her over facetime (he went to another country to do mission stuff & met her there) so like an idiot i've just been #making jokes about the age gap becausee like. thats always been our thing lightly bullying each other lol but he blew up at me and said #i've had nothing positive to say about her since he's been back home and that he thinks i hate her and i'm out of line for constantly #implying he's creepy for dating someone younger. idk i felt like such a freak idiot horrible person about it. it completely blindsided me #bc yes the jokes were coming from a place of idk how i feel about this situation so i'm going to rely on the humour-based communication #we have always fallen back on as a safety thing but i guess i was wrong or the dynamic shifted or something anyway it's all fucked #& everyone is just telling me i feel weird out of some?? misplaced kind of jealousy thing?? because i'm 'losing' my brother to his gf lol #which does not feel right at all he has dated so many other girls and i have never had a problem it is literally the age gap like i haven't #even met this girl i'm sure she's very nice! i just worry about her being nineteen!! jesus. and yes maybe i do feel some resentment around #a brother younger than me who seems to be able to live his life with zero difficulty whilst i'm stuck being this unemployed loser who ruins #literally ever friendship & relationship ive ever had but i think thats ok right like i can't help feeling that. i don't fucking knowwww #am i just projecting all these sad feelings about our friendship dying onto his new relationship or like. am i right to be genuinely #concerned she's six years younger than him and still a fucking teenager!!!!!! i don't know

[fitzrove]

[gritting teeth] maybe i need to go to mayerling

#i've been avoiding it on purpose but tbh 😭😭😵‍💫😵‍💫 i feel like its a thing ppl brag about and idk. to get a complete picture #i think i figured out how to go there and not get stranded 💀 and i was already planning to go to vienna again this year 🤡 for his house #(hofburg apartment) #i guess i can still act special by not going to möbelmuseum 😂💀 (i want to see the turkish room especially since i did write about rudolf #getting [redacted] on a specific sofa he owned historically 😌😌😌 but i don't want to see the mayerling bed thats weird 😭😭 #idk............) #i feel so weird sometimes..... like there are historical topics where some ppl act like they know best even based on minimal knowledge #and like idk its kind of weird to have an academic degree in this and be COMPLETELY incapable of being normal and chill about it 😵‍💫😵‍💫 #i could never study rudolf stuff seriously - i would [redacted] myself 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 #but um yeah #idk its weird. its so weird #like what do you do when you're deeply invested in something but there are people out there who are just as deeply into it but in your view #fundamentally misunderstand it 😭😭😂😂😂😂 #ugjgkhkhkgkgkhkhkhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #you know i dont think a huge amount of ppl are looking at his actual letters in the archives. if i'm jobless i could fund my life with #rudolf themed drag performances and spend the rest of my time selectively reading his writings and digging up minuscule stray things as #'evidence' that he was irl bisexual. would be funny 💀💀💀 then i'd write an article and use lots of Postmodernist Deconstructionism words #to confuse people and get it into a real academic journal 🤣🤣🤣🤣 #lots of talentless hacks have written rudolf books why not me KFKLFOLRÖAÖGODÖGKGK #delete later. god sometimes i wish i was a normal person whose hobbies were like. instagram and gym

[shima-draws]

There’s nothing quite like getting a wedding invitation from the guy you used to have a crush on in high school

#Hmm. Feels awful!! #Me to me: Maybe. I'm not quite over this. #IDK IT FEELS WEIRD MAN. I'm very happy for him. But also kinda bummed at the same time. #I think I'm more just dreading showing up and being like aha yeah! Here I am! #I haven't changed at all since we last spoke! Not at all!! #Nothing new or exciting going on with me ever. No accomplishments. No partner I can brag about. NOTHIN #Hey anybody wanna show up as my fake date. Fake dating to lovers AU /j #Idk it just feels wrong to keep hearing from my friends in high school who are all getting married and having kids #Meanwhile me. Who has never dated anybody ever. And has nothing to show from the past five years: #SORRY I'M JUST HAVING A MID-LIFE CRISIS I GUESS. AT THE RIPE OLD AGE OF 26. #Me: I've been dealing with my anxiety and depression on the daily for years now and yeah that's it how are you #My friends: I got my dream job and I'm marrying the love of my life and I'm going to buy a house soon!! #I WANT TO CRAWL INTO A HOLE. AND DIE. YEAH. THAT SOUNDS GOOD #Sorry I need to sit here and feel pathetic and hate myself for a second. Then I'll get overe it #*over #Shima speaks #Maybe I can lie and say I've been backpacking through Europe for the last five months. LMAO

[imflyingfish]

.

#i have no idea how to respond to the whole qsmp situation right now #i mean. i dont watch it or interact with qsmp ITSELF #only the fans around it #I have made fanart for it but not really because i have any particular attachment to specific characters but just because #its a very good springboard for character design and inspiration #Im very involved with the fanbase though as the QSMPnews discord is one of my main discords #and I mainly use the fandom space as a way of practicing/getting into foreign languages #although i dont watch qsmp it still has impacted my life massively in the last year #this clusterfuck of project management is difficult to unravel and know what to do with #and its difficult to know exactly where to turn your attention #or who to blame #since theres so many levels of miscommunication that hasnt been helped by the sharing of it online #i think. even if QSMP doesn't survive #it would be ludicrous to state it as an inherently harmful server #since there has been an evident change in the minecraft gaming space because of it in multiculturalism. #heck IM direct proof of that as someone who does not reguarly engage with the server itself via streams #the fact that as a result of a 21 year old kid deciding to start a sever I can end up with a group of spanish speakers trying to explain #various concepts to me in my language while i respond in theirs is. insane #so do i think that the qsmp will survive? #um. look i dont see how it can. #I've never thought that it could #but i dont think that im going to demonise fans or avoid content relating to it #considering how integral the fanspaces around it are to me and my personal quest for language proficiency #however I will attempt to keep qsmp posts on my french/spanish blogs #well that was. long-winded #idk this is a very self-centred look into the qsmp and this whole situation #obviously I hope that the staff get paid but. I really have no idea where Quackity Studios might get that money from or how the #server should either end or continue

[silenthillbunni]

❄️🐇❕

#i feel like im going insane and tonight it's esp bad so i need to.... vent :$ #some time ago i had the fortune of a very very wonderful person entering my life. and since day one BOOM i think of them every single day #im not even exaggerating.. like every single day i just think and daydream of them. i've had sm extra inabiloty to focus - #bc i just need to constantly stop and think of them..... #there is so much abt them to adore and admire. so much!!!! i didnt know someone like them could exist.. #i love talking to them and i just wanna kno everything there is to know abt them!!! everything regarding interests me #there's also the aspect of how i feel talking to them. i know they dont judge the same way as other ppl do so it's easier to talk to them #tho i still have avpd so i often start over explaining myself and get insecure etc etc. i need to get out of my head!!!! #idk.. idk... it has never been like this for me. so im also scared #what do i do.. how do i navigate this? i've never been here before and i feel lost even if it's def not a bad place to be in #every single day... i just wish that i could be with them more and more. this wish never calms down it just gets bigger #but. how? how do i break this loop and make it into reality? is it only gonna stay as a desire and a daydream? :(( i rlly dont want that #im scared too. bc what if i want and can make it my reality but it just wont happen? what if it just wont #im also not the only one in this equation that decides. what if... i have to face rejection.. what if im a disappointment. what if what if #i dont know!! i only know that i think of them all day every day. it gets more nd more intense each day. #i also get more sure that it's what i want... #anywayyyy. im actually.. driving myself insane with how obsessively i think of this #i cant quite put it into words but i had to get at least some of it off my chest #like how. do i express my feelings to them. how do i turn it into reality. how do i face that fear of the unknown and smth i've never done #but also how do i face that fear and prepare for the fact that even if i want smth dreams made into reality cant be certain. #there r so many life things that decide what happens too.... not just my will and desire #but as well as.. how do i prqepare myself to deal with the potential oh whoops maybe im the only one who rlly want this. #maybe this is onesided maybe my feelings just flew out of control nd idk how to reel them back in whoops. #like i dont know at all what could happen.. all i know is what i wish.. hmm gosh this is all just making my head spin every day.

[thatrandombystander]

Making a list of Greater Sydney events to possibly attend this year, if any fellow NSWelshman can think of anything else interesting lmk

Apr 20-21: Generation Games

May 4-5: Sydney Miniatures and Dolls House Fair

Jun 22-23: Supanova

Jul 3-6: Sydney Craft & Quilt Fair

Jul 6-7: Winterfest Medieval Fair

Jul 20-21: Smash (date unconfirmed. i'm guessing it)

Sep 21-22: Oz Comic-Con

#ramblings of a bystander #this is partially a call for people to recommend events to me #partially a list of cool events if anyone is interested #and partially just 'idk if anyone cool here is going to one of these maybe we can cross paths and say hello' #for the record i'm a little suspicious of gen games since it's a first time convention. depends how much it costs #miniature fair might be difficult to get to for me we'll see #and my guess at smash's date is based on it usually in july + the availability of the ICC (the venue they're usually at) that month #there's also ironfest but looks like the theme this year is 80s???????? uninterested. #i've never been but i know in previous years they've had themes like Gothic and Steampunk. don't care for a 1980s theme. #anyway. recommend me your fave syd based events.

[spinoff-antithesis]

(muth being music theory!)

#FUCK IT MY OWN EDITION OF THE ODDLY SPECIFIC POLLS BC THESE ARE FUN #me when i've been obsessed with space/time stuff since i was a KID its more an interest than hyperfixation rn but man. #media with any of those?? i am OBSESSED (star wars rottmnt movie etc etc) like i hyperfixated on dr who for a year in middle school #the skateboard one is so funny. in high school my guard instructor saw me with a friend's pennyboard & immediately said no. #me when i was notoriously clumsy in middle + high school so everyone i knew was like. “this is a bad idea” when i did anything #my first semester of college i bought a longboard off someone then 5months later i turned around & ate SHIT it was so funny in retrospect #anyway fun sage lore i have only ever heavily injured the left side of my body. my knee + elbow and the SAME FUCKING TOOTH. TWICE. #also i have a high pain tolerance. like idk how or when but in middle school it just got Really Strong. me when i injure myself and just #live with it for a year before it becomes a concern and i get told to get an xray (i will live with a fractured knee the rest of my life) #also when i fell off my skateboard and ate shit my first concern was “ah fuck my glasses did i break my nose” and #“nah my elbow isnt broken! my arm is just rly sore from how i landed on it” (readers. it was in fact fractured.) #like i literally went “no im fine we dont need to tell my mom or go to the er” and my friends said “call your mom and go to the er” #me spitting out my tooth and blood bc i also busted my lip: that hurt. time to hobble back to my dorm. #anyway hiding this one in the tags bc i will never not just ignore my issues LMAO did it with my ptsd dx and i will continue to do it #another incredibly hyperspecific thing: oh this doesnt seem normal! im gonna ignore it and hope it goes away #these symptoms match up to something? nah i'm sure it's not that! (proceeds to get dx'd with ptsd five months later)

[magentagalaxies]

having a moment about my gender rn and i'm just like ugggggh @ my brain do we have to. like can we just not

#i need to go to bed soon bc i have a 10am class tomorrow but shoutout to the identity crisis i've been having since at least feb 6th #idk if identity crisis is even the right word. bc like one thing about me is that i have a very solid sense of self #like i know who i am and what i want and how i move through the world and what it feels like to be me #but in terms of how i label and explain that to others? that's where the identity crisis comes in #but no one else gets to experience me in first person POV so the descriptors i use and they ways i present myself are reality to them #and tbh? as i think about how some of the descriptors i use for myself don't accurately describe me some people are getting mad??? #which is so fucking bizarre bc like. what the fuck it's my gender why are YOU being offended??? #but it's also making me low key be like ''wait am i a bad person now????'' #even tho i don't believe morality works like that. idk it's just been an exhausting month and a half #if anyone wants to hear more in depth thoughts on all this i would love to vent about it #(but not rn bc i will be going to bed as soon as i get this all out) #but like what i will say now is even tho this past month and a half has been ROUGH (for several reasons especially gender) #and people might expect that me spending so much time with scott in february made it more exhausting #which is understandable we love scott but touring in general is tiring and also i am the most opinionated person i've ever met but so is he #and also like. if you've heard scott talk about gender it's very obvious we disagree on a lot of things and he doesn't shy away from that #but the thing is. i'd actually say spending so much time with scott (even when we talk about gender. even when we *argue* about gender) #was actually such a good thing for me throughout all of this bc even when we disagree on semantics of labels #scott actually sees me beyond that rather than reducing my identity to what i call myself #which is how a lot of well-meaning allys tend to treat me. like i'm just one thing. #so when i'm with scott i never really have to think about my gender #bc he doesn't treat me like i'm (insert whatever gender people treat me like). he just treats me like i'm jessamine #and i'm tired of having to explain myself into smaller pieces so people can pretend to get it #but i feel like there's no way not to do that in our society rn especially at my ''progressive'' liberal arts college

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

🎟

#she's ace that means she wants to cuddle but NOT to f*ck #a theatre lesbian explained me to someone else today by saying #which is a much more vulgar way than I would put it but also very succinct and accurate in a way I wouldn't think of #and i haven't stopped thinking about it since akdjdjaofjskgnw #like yeah. hold my hand boy. #i don't like to use labels much bc it isn't like. identity. it's more just a facet of what makes me me?? #if that makes sense??? #but also for conciceness and clarity's sake i don't have a huge issue with being referred to as ace #shdkshkfns it was such a funny conversation though #the theatre girl was literally like oh you have a huge crush on one of our lead actors? let me tell you how sweet of a guy he is #and then she was like ''dude you should go for it if you want to. also come play d&d with us tonight!'' #i did not play dnd. i observed while everyone worked out their characters and then said i might join in later. #idk man i think I'm becoming bold and more confident through this group of people in a way I've never been before #im also gonna send a text to the cast/crew group chat as an invite to church on Easter #gonna get these college kids with the promise of free food. it would work on me!! #ok anyway.

[01tsubomi]

i'm taking the jlpt this sunday and had a stress dream last night abt it bc it sort of snuck up on me and now it's kind of a question of how much my actual japanese abilities will carry me (versus if i should've been cramming on flashcards this past month) but the listening portion is far simpler conversation than my coworkers and i have so. i think that maybe instead of "damn i should've been studying japanese" my perspective should just be "i speak japanese"

#a key part of the dream though was that i failed because i went on a motorcycle joyride during the 40 minute break and didn't make it back #in time for the listening section. the prompt for the listening section btw was to write an essay in english about kirishima eijirou #so i was like damn i would've totally passed #anyway hashtag classic maya but idk #i think i have a bit of a complex abt it bc i was studying for n1 (highest level) in college #but w the switch to online learning we stopped studying the stuff i really needed to work on (vocab and kanji) #and whatever kanji i knew how to write went out the window bc i never had to turn in written homework again #so i really let myself go there for a good two years but since moving last summer i've not only been having japanese conversations every da #i've also actually been studying kanji in my downtime at work #so i have picked up most of the study guide-type information just really slowly over time #i read a ton of manga in japanese lately and most shows on netflix here don't have eng subtitles but i'm fine without them 95% of the time #with the genre of shows i watch at least #so i've been thinking a lot lately abt what my end goal is w japanese studies because 'be able to consume all the art i want' feels like #a good place to be #i do think in the end the only thing between me and n1 is a lot of genuine hard work studying vocab and kanji and reading serious articles #so i feel like all 'sekkaku da shi' i've made it this far why would i just stop working at this point #those are just my thoughts though aaaa i know reading/vocab/grammar section is way more hit or miss #personal

[fudge24-7]

I have a confession to make, I had no idea what eurovision was before I learned about what's happening in palestine, am I the only one?

#so boycotting it is pretty easy for me never watched it in the first place #but with how much people push to boycott i geuss its popular? #makes me feel like I've been living under a rock #fudge does a talky talk #idk why i felt the need to confess this #geuss I'm just curious if I'm the only person that had no idea what it was before this #like I never even heard the name of it or saw anyone talk about it until now #anyway while I'm posting about something somewhat palestine related free palestine #make sure to go to arab.org to do a daily click if you haven't #idk if im putting this in a main tag since its not really that good of a palestine support post just me leaving a thought in the void