#but someone who’s also still comfortable in her femininity and womanhood

[chiefmysticmia]

Why I Read Cassie Cage from Mortal Kombat as a Lesbian

(p.s apologies if the formatting is awful on here I honestly don’t know how to do it properly HAHA)

Hi! So I’ve been getting into Mortal Kombat recently and a character that particularly caught my eye was Cassie Cage. I’m not sure why but I absolutely adore her character and whilst reading into her backstory, the story modes of MKX and MK11 (which I have yet to finish) and her intros, I have noticed a lot of her traits relate to both my own and other’s experiences as a lesbian.

For context I myself am a lesbian, and during my coming out journey I have discovered many things about myself that I originally thought were universal experiences until I started reading up on lesbianism and the experiences of other lesbians in discovering their identities. I could just be reading into Cassie’s character a bit too much (or projecting onto her), but I think one of the reasons I find comfort in her character is because of these traits.

So! I’ve decided to make a post going into more detail about this because it’s pride month and I have nothing better to do with my time, plus I love talking about my interpretations of characters.

(Just as a disclaimer, I’m absolutely not saying ‘“all these things mean that Cassie is a canon lesbian and any other interpretation is wrong!!!”. Nor am I forcing anyone to agree with me. Her sexuality isn’t confirmed at all. This is just how I, a lesbian, interpret her and I am open to other points of view. Any lesbiphobia and general LGBTQphobia will be deleted)

Cassie in Mortal Kombat X

To start with, I want to discuss how Cassie was presented in MKX.

I read this post the other day, and it put how I felt about Cassie in MKX versus MK11 very well. Unfortunately, queer/queer-coded characters are often full of stereotypes, and MKX Cassie fit in pretty well with the typical stereotypes lesbians face, i.e her lack of traditional femininity and her cocky attitude. Also, the fact that when Johnny said he was worried when she started dating, Cassie responded with “Afraid I’d come home with someone like you?”, with no gender specified. The fact that she shows no romantic interest in men whilst sporting those stereotypes speaks volumes in my opinion. I believe that in MKX, Cassie was intended to be queer-coded, but NRS backed out in MK11 after fans started to pick up on this.

Of course this doesn’t mean queer characters who fit into the stereotypes are inherently bad. I absolutely love characters who are lesbians and are portrayed similarly to Cassie.

I’m gonna use this opportunity to talk about the link (or lack of) between lesbianism and womanhood:

Due to the severe amount of misogyny and sexism in history, womanhood has almost exclusively revolved around empowering men. Thankfully, this is nowhere near as bad as it was years ago, but it still impacts all AFAB people and transfem people in one way or another

Lesbian is the only sexuality that doesn’t involve men at all. In a society where men are considered ‘superior’ to women, this makes our experiences in the LGBTQ community unique to others. All sexualities experience their own unique problems, discrimination, prejudice etc, and ours tends to revolve around the fact that we are non-men who are not attracted to men. Therefore, having a female/non-binary character who does not show any signs of attraction to men makes that character somewhat relatable to lesbians. Growing up, almost all the female protagonists and supporting characters we see in media end up with a man or are at least attracted to one. We lesbians had barely any characters whom we could look at and see ourselves in.

Obviously I am not saying that the discrimination lesbians face is worse or even comparable to the rest of the LGBTQ+ community. I’m just stating how it affects us in society.

How does this relate to Cassie, you may ask? Well:

Like I mentioned before, MKX Cassie doesn’t show any sign of being attracted to men, unlike a majority of female Mortal Kombat characters (Kitana, Sonya, Jade etc). Obviously this alone did not mean she was inherently a lesbian, but that along with the typical ‘masculine girl’ stereotype gave an implication that she was meant to be queer. Whilst I do not fully identify as female (I do not label my gender but I go by she/they pronouns), I am much more feminine than masculine in the way I present myself, yet I was still able to see aspects of myself in Cassie because of this.

Obviously, not all lesbians are ‘masculine’ and not all straight women are ‘feminine’. It’s just unfortunate that stereotypes play a big part in queer-coding.

tldr; Cassie’s lack of traditional femininity and attraction to male characters, despite being stereotypical, gives us lesbians something to relate to which we don’t often get in media

I think that’s all I have to say for this section, so let’s move on!

How Cassie changed in Mortal Kombat 11

Unlike the huge time skip between MK9 and MKX, the events of MK11 take place soon after those of MKX. However, Cassie’s character changed significantly; she became much more ‘typically feminine’ (long hair, makeup, painted nails etc). Whilst I love both versions of her, it is clear that the reason NRS changed her was partly due to the rumours of her being a lesbian for a number of reasons.

Now obviously if she was intended to be lesbian-coded, this could be a good thing as she would no longer represent as many stereotypes as she did. However, NRS added in a random boyfriend (or ex, we don’t know) who has absolutely no plot relevance, which leads me to believe that the only reason Dylan (or ‘Bob’ according to Sonya) was added into one intro between Cassie and Sonya was to combat the rumours that Cassie was a lesbian. Obviously lesbians can have dated/been attracted to men in the past, that doesn’t mean we’re any less valid, but the fact that Dylan was mentioned makes me think it had something to do with players picking up on Cassie being queer-coded. I’ll touch on this intro later on in the post because I have some things to say about it (not necessarily negative).

There was also the instance of Cassie apparently stealing Jacqui’s prom date, which I honestly cannot see Cassie doing out of genuine spite. Going by my lesbian headcanon, it seems more like an unobtainable, unrealistic crush, which a lot of lesbians experience and hold on to to try and convince themselves that they aren’t lesbians.

Cassie also had barely any interactions with female characters who weren’t her mother or Jacqui (who is technically family to her). If what I’ve theorised so far is correct, this could’ve been done to avoid fans shipping Cassie with other women (shoutout to Frost x Cassie shippers, y’all have an admirable amount of willpower).

tldr; The changes to Cassie in MK11 seem like they had something to do with the rumours that she was a lesbian amongst fans, leaving me to believe she was originally intended to be queer in MKX but NRS backed out of it in MK11.

There’s more to add, but I’m gonna break them up into different sections. Moving on:

The Intro referencing ‘Dylan’

(FYI: This part is more of a headcanon/me projecting rather than actual canonical evidence)

Like I said above, in one of the Cassie versus Sonya fight intros, a character called ‘Dylan’ (AKA ‘Bob’) is mentioned and implied to be either a current or previous romantic interest of Cassie’s.

Dylan has no plot relevance and, like I and others have theorised, exists to combat the rumours of Cassie being a lesbian.

However, what Sonya says about him (“Why learn his name if he’s not sticking around?”) implies that the relationship between him and Cassie is doomed. This line implies that Cassie has a history of relationships that end poorly, to the point where Sonya doesn’t know the name of her daughter’s current love interest. Obviously this could mean that Cassie struggles to keep stable relationships (possibly due to her parents’ divorce when she was young, which I can relate to), but since this is a lesbian headcanon I’m going to take a different interpretation.

A lot of lesbians experience ‘compulsory heterosexuality’, AKA comphet. This is term, originally coined by Adrienne Rich in her essay ‘Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence’ is used to describe the idea that in a heteronormative society, lesbians subconsciously devalue their relationships with other non-men, as AFAB people and even transfem people’s existence has majorly revolved around men in the past. Comphet comes in many forms and can feel like expecting yourself to date a man to feel worthy, forcing yourself to have crushes on men and many other ways that I cannot list on here because we’d be here all day.

Cassie being unable to keep stable relationships with men could be seen as comphet; dating men but not actually feeling a proper connection to them, leading to the relationship ending in disaster (another example being Cassie stealing Jacqui’s prom date). Considering NRS seems to have no problem confirming characters as bi, I’m sure that if Cassie had dated women in the past they would confirm that, which leads me to believe that all Cassie’s past relationships have been with men.

Again, this could just be me projecting onto her, but I find a lot of comfort in headcanoning Cassie to have comphet. It makes sense to me.

I was actually talking about this with my friend the other day and we came up with some funny hypothetical dialogue:

Cassie: “No woman really has any connection to the guys they date right? Like it’s all just for show, right you guys?”

The rest of the Kombat Kids: “…Um…”

*Takeda eyes Jacqui, who is profusely shaking her head to assure him that that is not, in fact, how most women feel*

tldr; Cassie’s relationship with Dylan was comphet because I experience comphet and I said so (/hj)

“But Mortal Kombat has confirmed Kung Jin, Mileena and Tanya to be LGBTQ+, why would they avoid doing the same with Cassie?”

This is a fair point: if there are confirmed gay and bisexual characters in MK, why would they not confirm a character to be a lesbian? Well…

As I previously stated, lesbianism is the only orientation that men cannot be involved in at all. In a society where men have power over non-men, lesbians are often excluded even by our own community (speaking from experience).

Sapphic relationships are often idealised and not seen as ‘proper’ relationships. I have seen many lesbians + other sapphic people who go through awful breakups be shocked because of how they’re always made out to be ‘perfect’. This is deeply rooted in misogyny, as AFAB people have always been seen as ‘dainty and fragile’ and in need of a man to complete them. This deeply affects transfem sapphics, too.

Considering Mortal Kombat is a series of fighting games, confirming a character to be a lesbian could make the character seem inferior to the rest of the fighters due to the fact that they wouldn’t need a man to ‘complete’ them. This is probably why NRS backed out of Cassie’s queer-coding after MKX; if they continued with it, people would expect her to end up in an idealised sapphic relationship, which could change how players, especially cishet men, view her and make her much less popular amongst fans.

Whilst Tanya and Mileena are confirmed to be WLW, they’re both bisexual. I’m so happy this series has really good bi representation, but unfortunately a lot of media is afraid to include lesbians due to backlash from certain cishet men who fetishise us and/or get unnecessarily angry when their favourite media includes lesbian characters.

Similarly, Kung Jin is confirmed to be gay. I think he is one of the best gay characters I’ve seen in media, because it’s not his whole character development; he just happens to be gay and I think that kind of representation is something we need more of for ALL members of the LGBTQ+ community. However games like Mortal Kombat tend to have a male-dominated fanbase, and many will see themselves in certain characters. I’ve seen many cisgender straight (usually homophobic) adult men treat female characters like objects (doesn’t help that they’re often hypersexualised, especially women of colour) and get extremely defensive if someone sees a female character as queer. Again, this could be why NRS changed Cassie in MK11; they could lose a lot of their male audience if those men could no longer ‘ship’ themselves with a confirmed lesbian, though this wouldn’t stop them fetishising her.

Speaking of Kung Jin, I love how he and Cassie are frienemies. They give off gay/lesbian hostility energy and I love it.

tldr; Because of misogyny, lesbians are fetishised, slandered and not seen as valid by straight men who want to gatekeep female characters, which is why lesbian rep is hard to find because companies want to keep their male audience. Therefore, it’s easier for them to make a sapphic character bi/pan/etc rather than a lesbian.

Other Things That Aren’t Totally Canon/Relevant but I Think Should Be Mentioned Anyways

This section is just gonna be various things that I think are amusing and will use to back up my headcanon.

First up, we got this MK11 Cassie skin:

Apologies for the atrocious quality, but this skin reminded me of the colours of the lesbian flag so I colour-picked them. This is proof that she’s a lesbian /j (Ik the colours are kinda off but I promise this is is meant to look like the sunset flag and not the lipstick flag. Pls do not use the lipstick flag, it’s transphobic)

Secondly, this line during one of Cassie’s intros with Sheeva (PS I am absolutely not implying that I ship them, I’m just pointing out this line and nothing more):

I know this is meant to be a pun, but it makes me cackle so much. ‘Girl Crush’ yes totally straight /s

I’ve reached the image limit unfortunately, but her and Frost’s fight in the MKX comics was insanely homoerotic, too.

I think that’s it so far, but I may add to this section in the future.

Conclusion

Phew, that was a LOT,,, Once again this is just for fun and I’m open to all other interpretations of Cassie and her character. I just like to analyse and relate myself to my favourite characters, lol.

I do hope that one day lesbian characters are more common in media like MK, but we still have a lot of work to do in order to make that happen.

Thank you so much for reading if you made it this far! <3

#mortal kombat #cassie cage #number 1 lesbian cassie theorist strikes again #lesbian #lgbtq #mortal kombat 11 #mortal kombat x #character analysis #lesbian coding #izzie’s rambles #sonya blade

[dreamingquinn]

Thinkin about gender and spirituality

Preface: I don't have a real point to this. I just remembered you can basically post anything to tumblr.

My ex-mother in law said something to me the first time we met. "I've never understood queer relationships. You need the masculine and the feminine to balance eachother out... But I suppose that's why gays tend to have one masculine partner and one feminine partner."

This woman was a huge name in the druidic community of the UK. She is polyamorous. She told me that she remembered past lives and regularly saw the dead, animal and human. But she couldn't wrap her head around the idea of something outside of heteronormativity.

And she wasn't the only one in my life like that. I was basically raised a little heathen but I still grew up white in the US. Christian overtones policed my thinking and the thinking of those who influenced me. Most of my non-male partners have been feminine in their gender expression, and in turn I acted more and more masculine. I tried to fit a role based on expectations rather then what I (or even my partners) wanted.

Now I'm with someone I expect will be for life. They are 'masc' in that they are Butch. Not divorced from their womanhood even if they do not embrace that part of themselves the way someone who really enjoyed more 'typical' femininity would. Meanwhile I just bought two skirts for the first time since middleschool and I'm becoming even more comfortable with the term 'agender'.

I'm still a spiritual person, more now then when I knew and had access to people with connections in the 'neo pagan' movements. And yet every fucking time I see people talking about spirituality I still see people stumble over the ideas of the 'masculine' and the 'feminine' in nature.

My ex-MIL also said once that I should be careful not to anthropomorphize things. That my experience with a specific tree feeling safe when I was a child in need was probably just me projecting.

On this one thing, I actually agree with her. We project a lot of bullshit onto the natural world. And onto ourselves. Especially in the spiritual community. What is masculine about the sun? What is feminine about the moon? Nothing. They are objects in space with mass and gravity. Why would that make them any less magical? They still have a huge impact on our lives. The sun's impact is generally more overt. The moon's is more subtle. We can talk about these things in how they relate to us, I don't think that's unreasonable. You can't experience the world except from your own perceptions. The sun is hot and brings life but also can cause damage and death. The moon and night is cold but gives us the tides which effects us just as much but usually in ways we either live far from or don't directly think about/see.

The problem really comes in, I think, from how we don't just say 'the sun is masculine and the moon is feminine' it's how that inevitably leads us to imposing that duality onto people. People pose anthropomorphized ideas onto things that are not human and in turn try to use it as a mirror or a measuring stick to hold up against themselves or other humans. And not all cultures even believed these things or have lines drawn this strongly, I know. But I can only talk from the experience I've lived. The presence of strict ideals that specifically Christian-fascism (current and historic) have given us are so pervasive in people like me that they go completely unquestioned. Every book I read, including my ex-MIL's did nothing to question it, and in many cases actively reinforced it.

It's really no wonder that there is a fast and ugly pipeline of 'witch' to 'right-wing' if the people who position themselves as outside the mainstream culture are still just recreating it in the spaces they make.

#quinn's talking again #gender #spirituality #ramble #I really didn't have a point to make #I just keep having these jar videos pop up on my various feeds #jar spells are fine i guess but I really do not like them #it feels very 'it's more legitimate because it's like cooking or chemistry' #meanwhile I've litterally never seen a video of any witchy person talking about the material parts of knowing/helping the land you're on #I'm not interested in starting a fight #but the gendered part of this is an irritant to me #because it gets used thoughtlessly and reinforces ideas that have zero backing in nature or a lot of history #and it lays the foundation for tollerating and even welcoming fascist thought #I'm very opinionated on this

[ro-presents-under-the-nola-stars]

jasira's family doesn't really understand lesbian relationships

they don't fully understand gender nonconformity either, but they accept. they're protective, too. they'll kick ur ass for giving any queer person a hard time.

but, yeah, they don't understand the dynamic of two women dating. they have an extremely heteronormative world view. someone jus has to be the man. and, when they meet jj, she jus has a way about her, a quiet masculine thing about her. n she's quiet, strong, protective enough of shy that she's relaxed in a way that they're not used to shy being; jj pulls jasira outta survival mode. factor in the fact that jj is a big time FBI agent — in their minds, a man's job — n the fact that she doesn't dress girly around them. plus, shy is the girliest of girls, so feminine. obviously, jj has to b the guy.

so, they treat her like they would treat any boyfriend that gets brought through the door. tight handshakes from all the men in the family, she gets questioned about her intentions by shy's parents. no one gives a shit that she's a federal agent when they threaten her, if she hurts their girl. the women hush up when they're venting about their husbands n boyfriends when she walks into the room. when she attends shy's family functions, they don't let her help in the kitchen w all the other women. they give her tiny sample n send her outside to the grill or to play sports w the guys. she's not expected to fix her own plate. when they realize that she might b sticking around for a while, once they like her, they teach her all the things they feel like men should jus know that she doesn't or only knows the basics of, so she can take care of shy better. the men want to hangout w her all the time. they invite her to things they wouldn't invite the women in their lives to. when she shocks them w her athleticism, it's bcus she's that good, not bcus she's a girl.

they aren't soft or condescending w her in the way that people typically are w women. they don't treat her like she's fragile. she doesn't constantly have to remind people that she doesn't need to b protected or taken care of. she's jus another boyfriend. it isn't bcus they understand gender noncomformity or the butch identity, but bcus they don't understand lesbian relationships, and as a result, they treat them the exact way they do straight couples. to b fair, she doesn't really understand her own identity either; she jus knows what makes her feel good inside.

she feels like it should bother her; she knows it would bother others.

but it doesn't.

shockingly (or not so), she finds it freeing. it makes her feel seen on a massive scale for the first time in her life. she doesn't have to put on a show, doesn't have to perform femininity for them. she feels comfortable n safe wearing mens clothing around them. when they notice that a slight bulge in her pants, they don't bat much of an eyelash. on the flip side of that, when they are reminded that she's not a man, there's the this air of respectful indifference around how they treat her. like yes ur a woman, but so what? ur still my son in law, ur still my brother.

around them, she doesn't feel defined by her perceived womanhood. around them, she can b the version of herself that feels the most honest, the version of herself that she, otherwise, reserves for the privacy of her own apartment. around them, she doesn't have to b polished. around them, she isn't worried about who might hear her b called handsome n b pissed about it. around them, she's able to b called sir n other things while also having she/her pronouns used n she doesn't even have to ask, doesn't even have to tell them she likes it first.

being her full self is a luxury for jj, one that she can take full advantage of when she's w jasira's family. sure, it's bcus of ignorance, but she manages to find home n acceptance in their ignorance, and she's grateful.

#XTRAS #OTP; A BLUEJAY BASKING IN SUNSHINE #ro presents: under the new orleans stars #jennifer jareau x black!fem!oc #jennifer jareau x oc #butch jennifer jareau #butch jj #gnc jj #gnc jennifer jareau #nonbinary jennifer jareau #nonbinary jj

[gaymessriku]

Old issue at this point, but the American reception to Dragona Joestar really is emblematic of the remaking of the gender binary into a 'woke' version. As presented in the manga, Dragona is called Jodio's brother and uses he/him pronouns. He also has a stereotypically feminine appearance and has canonically had surgeries to achieve this.

It is of course important to understand this in the context of Araki's treatment of women in past chapters. And he has in fact repeated these tropes with Dragona. However, especially with any knowledge of how gender is seen in Japan, there is no reason to view his pronouns and presentation as unintended or inherently transphobic.

I have seen person after person use she/her or they/them when referring to him, not due to any textual support but their own confusion and discomfort. Dragona may be a binary trans woman, or a gnc man, or whatever the fuck his heart desires. That is irrelevant to his pronouns. The idea that he cannot possibly use or like he/him due to his presentation is incredibly restrictive and disrespectful.

Viewing pronouns as inherently tied to gender or presentation only rebrands transphobic ideas of gender being inherently tied to sex. It implies an inherent scale between 2 points of male and female which are tied to certain appearances and behaviors, and everyone falling somewhere on it. E.G. the idea of having to be a masc or fem aligned nonbinary, or stereotypically feminine traits in men causing jokes about how they're secretly trans women and don't realize it yet.

This is harmful to not only the people who fall outside these categories but also those who are comfortable within them. It perpetuates stereotypes in queer spaces that cause fear and ostracization. And it is completely ahistorical to the movement as a whole. Accepting gender as a construct means both acknowledging the utility and weight of its signifiers in a personal and societal context, while also releasing yourself and others from the obligations thereof.

A trans man and a butch lesbian can look or act exactly the same and that makes them no less different or authentic in their existence. Promoting men wearing skirts or makeup while simultaneously viewing them as less their gender is hypocritical and still presents maleness as a default that femininity and womanhood is an aberration or change to. Saying you support trans people and gender nonconformity is incongruous with assigning certain traits to certain genders.

It is of course entirely possible that Araki has some level of misunderstanding or ill intent in his representation of Dragona. It is also possible that his identity or pronouns will change over the course of the manga. However, as currently presented, that is what he wants and is comfortable with. As a reader, in the same way you wouldn't misgender someone who doesn't fit your standards for presentation in real life it should also be applied to characters. This is not a matter of personal headcanon but the material as it is presented.

I'm not attributing intent or malice to those who do this. It is very much not about accusations of queerphobia or inciting self flagellation. This is about explaining how these actions are harmful and what they perpetuate. It is an invitation to think about how you view these categories and apply them to the world, even subconsciously.

It is not a sin to be wrong. It is not a sin to not have the perfect enlightened ideas inside and out. We all have biases, and they take time to identify and account for. Part of having moral and ethical principles is recognizing your own flaws in these areas. That is always the first step to understanding and improvement.

And of course I'm not a perfect being either, so contributions, criticism, or questions are very much welcome. Community is based on shared values and identity but also the ability to keep an open mind. We all have pieces of the world and the only way to get a better picture is sharing them.

#axel.txt #no the horse disc

[cstarling]

carnation, heliotrope, lotus, and marigold

carnation. what is your muse’s relationship with their gender? how do they express or not express this relationship?

clarice has always been comfortable being a woman. even when people told her she was doing it wrong, or treated her as a woman is often treated in the world ( ie. badly ). her relationship with womanhood has sometimes been complicated ( girlhood was a nightmare for her because of where and how she grew up ), but as an adult, she understands that the definition of a woman isn't concrete or one sided, despite what the media or men say around her. she's never been one to express femininity in the traditional way - she doesn't really wear dresses or skirts, never wears heals, barely wears make up. her personality leans more towards masculine in the sense of assertiveness and the way she demands a room, but she wants these things to be considered less of a man's traits, and more traits that any gender could have. she's proud to be the woman that she is.

heliotrope. does your muse believe in soulmates?

i think the romantic in her does, yeah. i don't think she faces that part of herself often. i do think that she believes there is someone out there for everyone, but she also is hesitant to say that aloud - it sounds cliched. the way she believes in soulmates isn't that someone was split in half and the two halves have to find each other to become whole again, but instead that people have a soul that matches several other people. there isn't just one person out there, but more than one that you could meet in your lifetime. that seems like a less sad idea that never finding the one person who was meant for you. i can't see her ever talking about this, unless she was drunk or was with someone she considered a soulmate.

lotus. has your muse ever felt as though they’ve been reborn? have they ever desired the feeling of a fresh start, or a better understanding of themself and/or the world around them?

clarice always has a lingering need to have and understanding of everything. herself and her world included. she has a pretty good grasp on it, but there's always more to be learned. i don't think there's ever a time in her life when she doesn't think about starting over. there are things she wants to do differently, but the logical part of her knows that there's nothing to be done about the past - even if she moved away, changed her name, etc. she's still herself, and so she knows that her life would end up the same again, most likely. as for feeling as if she's ever been reborn, not yet. there are a few moments in book / movie canon where she could be considered to be reborn, but as of now, she's waiting for that rebirth.

marigold. is your muse prone to jealousy? how might they handle envious feelings?

no, she's not a jealous person. she grew up humble, and she's stayed humble into her adult years. the only time she's ever felt envious was when she was feeling sorry for herself with how little money she has compared to others, but it goes away quickly - she's grateful for what she has, and she doesn't want to act as if she isn't. in relationships, she doesn't get jealous, she'll just... drop someone if they've decided to give more of their attention to someone else. she knows her worth, and she deserves to have someone who knows it, as well. no hard feelings. at least, not on her end.

#META.

[olivia-erskine-grad702]

How would you explain/put into words your gender identity?

- “Being assigned female at birth, I do identify with a fair amount of typically feminine traits, but I present in quite a masculine/androgynous way and also identify with a lot of typically masculine traits... I like to think that by expressing myself in the way I do - through clothing and style, and a lot of my traits - I am going against the binary and against traditional "womanhood".”

- “Not a boy, not a girl, but still with elements of masculinity and femininity as well as a little bit of ‘nothing’”

- “Although I identify as female, I’d like to think that I don’t view gender too strictly, I love wearing typically male clothes and feel most comfortable in a pair of pants.”

- “I don’t care much for pronouns. People will be harsh on themselves for misgendering me if I introduce myself as they/them and they slip with she/her. Truthfully, these labels are unimportant to me. I just want people to look at me and realise im not “one of the girls” or “one of the boys” or “one of the nbs”. To be treated equally in either social group. At same time, how you grew up highly influences your life so I can’t deny my AFAB past when it comes to women’s experiences.”

- “I’m not always comfortable being female presenting and often take an androgynous look. I don’t want to be a man but I don’t always want to be my female born self either.”

- “I’m still figuring things out to be honest, I switch between things that are traditionally feminine or masculine depending how I feel in a situation or in myself. I think I’m still learning to seperate how I feel from the gender identity people expect to see from me.”

- “Not that I don’t have a gender, more like a gender less void.”

- “If a loafer was a person who was just a guy.”

- “Honestly, I’m confused because I thought I was non-binary for the longest time. throughout these years, however, I have never considered myself to be trans so I feel uncomfortable if someone said I was. Maybe I’m a girl who uses they/them pronouns.”

- “I’ve had a pretty complex relationship with gender growing up, identifying different ways at different points. I’d say these days I don’t really identify strongly with any gender. Most people know me as a girl/female, which doesn’t really bother me but I don’t really feel like one (but I sometimes enjoy playing the role of one? If that makes sense? Like sometimes intentionally playing into it like it’s a character or something?)”

- “I am neither here nor there.”

- “It fluxes between not having a gender (Agender) to more masculine/to a man.”

[homosexualprude]

I’m rewatching ContraPoints like I said, and...

[/https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1pTPuoGjQsI&t=29s&ab_channel=ContraPoints “Gender Critical | ContraPoints”

Oh, shit! 

*Before we get into it: I’ll be using she/her to talk about Natalie. I want the focus to be on the ideas, not her own identity.*

“In the past on this channel, I’ve always caricatured TERFs as being like angry, man-hating bigots, whose only real tactic is accusing trans women of being creepy men. And there definitely are some people who are really like that, but I want to be fair, I want to be balanced, so in preparation to make this video, I posted an invitation on Twitter asking people who used to be gender critical feminists to share their stories with me.

And I got hundreds of responses, a lot of them from women who have had traumatic experiences with men and who at one time found comfort in a rigid view of gender where women and men are completely separate species, where women are safe and men are dangerous. And for a lot of those women, allowing trans people into their picture of the world at first challenged their sense of stability and comfort. It was difficult emotional work, work that they needed to do, but still difficult. And that makes total sense to me, like it’s very easy for me to understand why someone would feel that way.” Starting off here, she’s way more invested than ~feminist man-hating~ than transphobia. 

[...]

“You know it’s like you’re not even allowed to ask questions anymore or you’re accused of transphobia. We’re all just expected to conform to this gender ideology that we the public never got a chance to debate. We didn’t vote for trans orthodoxy, yet here we are permitting biological males to run rampant in women’s spaces, foisting penises on lesbians, and indoctrinating our children with the ludicrous dogma that girls can become boys with a change of costume. Oh, it rattles my chromosomes.” Her caricature of gender critical people. The “foisting penises on lesbians” comment bothers me because there’s a very real problem with this in online spaces. I know because I’ve experienced it when I identified as a lesbian. In some online spaces, especially those meant for lesbians, have discourse about genital preferences and whether or not they’re okay. It typically results in shaming and guilt-tripping towards women who aren’t comfortable with penises. 

“And the same goes for people telling me, you sure do like wearing nails and makeup, is that all you think there is to being a woman? Could you define womanhood for me? Like they don’t actually care, they’re just trying to make my life worse for 20 minutes.” Though I understand why she feels like this is invasive of people, it doesn’t mean they’re trying to make her life worse. That’s assigning some intent that simply isn’t there. 

“Listen, sweaty, first of all, my girly voice is very f*cking real. Second, my clothes, makeup, voice, none of this makes me a woman. No trans woman thinks that femininity and womanhood are the same. Rather, we’re using a cultural language of feminine signifiers to prompt others to see us for what we are.” To the bolded: Are you sure? You may not, but there are several people who align with gender on the feminine / masculine spectrum and treat *that* as gender. 

“I think butch or gender non-conforming cis women sometimes side-eye hyper-feminine trans women because they don’t identify with this vision of womanhood at all and they’ve had to struggle since childhood against a society that’s told them they have to be feminine. And I completely sympathize with that. I think there should be more gender freedom, less coercion, less restriction. But also, I’ve had to fight against the same society that told me I should really, really, really, not be this, so, I feel like we should be able to form some kind of solidarity here.” I get what you’re saying but you do realize that you turned it around on those women, right? By going, “Yeah, but what about my pain?” This is starting to go in the direction of “cis women are just JEALOUS.” 

“Like you’re targeting the people who are the most vulnerable under the present system and the leveraging that system against them under the pretense of abolishing it. You know, you don’t see gender critical feminists in Kim Kardashian’s Instagram comments like, why are you wearing a dress, Kim, you creepy misogynist.” Natalie, gendercrits critique celebrities ALL THE TIME. Where have you been? So many people online hold her up as THEE example of patriarchal conditioning. And for you to call trans women “the most vulnerable under the present system” is tone deaf, considering that gendered scrutiny is very much a thing for women who were born female. We just lost a big legal protection of abortion. And back when the video was uploaded (in 2019), it was a hot button issue in politics. 

“It’s almost like when they say abolish gender, what they really mean is abolish trans people. It’s almost like this is a hate movement hiding behind a handful of pseudo-feminist platitudes. But surely, I must be missing something.” No. In the most anti-trans spaces, being anti-trans and wanting gender to be gone for everyone as well is a common perspective.

“But I’ve had cis feminists of my race and class tell me that I have no idea what it’s like to be talked over and interrupted by men. – [Man] Actually, Kropotkin. – Or to experience street harassment or to have to treat every first date like a potentially life-threatening situation and it’s just bizarre to me that they think that. Like, what do you think my experience in the world is? You think men treat me as their equal? You think street harassers are gonna treat me with dignity and respect because I have a Y chromosome?” Only when you navigated society as a man. Don’t play dumb. You were literally a philosophical scholar pre-transition. You were definitely “the mansplainer” more than once in your life. 

“Come on, people, use your heads. When you have Germaine Greer calling trans women it, what do you think the guy on the steps of the liquor store is gonna say? When a trans woman doesn’t pass, it’s not like society simply treats her like a man. No, you get treated as monster gender, pronouns it and spit, and male privilege is not a good description of that experience at all.

Once you start passing as a woman, it’s really a step up, even though women get treated bad, because it’s still better to be a she than an it. Now gender critical feminists are really skeptical of the whole notion of passing. They think they can always clock a tran and they assume everyone else can, too. But that’s just not reality. I mean, I’m only a year and a half into my transition and at this point, I’ve had zero surgeries and it’s been like six months since I was last misgendered offline. I mean, a person with a good eye for it will probably clock me and maybe a lot of people have just been indoctrinated into politically correct gender ideology, but like, you really think the gas station attendant and the nail technicians and the heating and plumbing guy are all calling me miss and ma’am because of postmodernism?”

Gender nonconforming women also experience this. And Natalie, you do realize you were an internet star by this point, right? Your experience with being misgendered isn’t going to be like any random trans woman. 

“I know some of you are gonna sneak off to your shitty little RadFem forums and obsess over how manly and clockable I am, but like at the end of the day, what am I gonna trust, the deranged hate-posting of 25 frothing anons or every social interaction I’ve had for months? I’m so sorry you can’t handle that I’m natural fish. I’m ahi tuna and you’re mackerel sweaty. Take a f*cking sip, babes.” Very strange comment, considering that you’ve never had a vagina. What’s the point of making stigmatizing jokes about a set of genitals you don’t have? 

“Many trans women are feminine and queer before they transition, and have basically always experienced a kind of femmephobia that is rooted in misogyny. Some trans women also identified as women years before transitioning and internalized society’s messaging about women more than society’s messaging about men. Now that’s still not the same as living in society as a girl from birth, but it’s also pretty different from the socialization of masculine cis men.” Femmephobia? 🙄 It’s not a hatred of femininity, but homophobia. They clock pre-trans tw as gay men. Femininity in gay men is hated because it’s viewed as a mark of their gayness. There’s definitely misogyny in it because gay men are viewed by homophobes as dollar store women, and the name brand is hated to begin with.

[...] 

“It reminds me of what in the trans community are called transmedicalists, people who insist the only real trans people are those who experience agonizing dysphoria. In both cases, there is a sense that the essential thing that confirms your identity is pain. What it is to be trans is to despise your body, what it is to be a woman is to be brutalized by men. ‘You didn’t suffer like I’ve suffered. You don’t know what it’s like!’” Not quite. Gendercrits view biological femaleness as the only prerequisite to womanhood. They believe trans identity is a way of appropriating the pain that comes with femaleness, not that pain is an inherent function of femaleness. 

[...]

“But of course, no individual woman experiences all the things women experience and individual women understand the meaning of womanhood in drastically different ways. For some women, having babies is the most essentially womanly experience. For others, maybe it’s having an abortion. I mean, not actually, but you know, TERFs pretend it is to own the tr*nnies.” No, love, they think having a vagina is the most essentially womanly experience. 

[...]

“But in fact, medical language that assumes that everyone with a uterus is a woman erases trans men and non-binary people who menstruate and get pregnant. So saying pregnant women in this context erases them, whereas saying pregnant people includes them and cis women and doesn’t erase anyone except for Cincinnatians because we all know they’re not people. Take your shitty chili elsewhere.” You do realize medical care pertaining to the female sex is a women’s health issue, right? That the lack of maternity and menstrual considerations for women, the lack of research, and medical misogyny are dependent on articulating the issue as a women’s health issue because the state is oppressing female people for their status as female? If we count all of the trans men and nonbinary people with vaginas, most people who get pregnant will still be women. 

Okay, I’m done here. There’s more in the video, but I’m covered the big issues I’ve had with her talking points. “Inclusivity” is erasure if it co-opts the movements of existing marginalized groups. It’s like saying “All Lives Matter” in response to BLM.

[yxngchen]

it always annoys me when i see fanart of korra where she’s super skinny. y’all.....korra is big. she is buff and muscular. she is not a size zero waist. she is a large person. drawing her as small and dainty is really obnoxious. stop it<3

#also like #i’m a bigger person myself #and it always made me self conscious that i’m not a dainty delicate girl #so seeing korra #someone who’s actually like...big #but someone who’s also still comfortable in her femininity and womanhood #was really refreshing to see and helped me a lot #i mean i always see protagonists like katara (no shade i love her sm) who are all graceful and small and skinny #and for so long it frustrated me bc i could never look/be like that #and i felt really ugly and un-feminine (that’s not a word whatever) #and then there’s this female protagonist and she’s big and loud and not graceful at all #but she wasn’t any less beautiful or wonderful than the characters like katara and asami #and it was really amazing for me to see a character who looked like korra #so anyways stop making korra tiny #she’s big. she takes up space. don’t take that away from her character #korra #lok #iduna.txt

[honeyandbloodpoetry]

Gender Thoughts Pt 1 and 2

The first time I put a binder on, a little under a week ago, I felt euphoric. Ever since I hit puberty very early on, I felt uncomfortable with my breasts. They never felt right on me, and even though I’ve come to love them sometimes, they still don’t always feel like they match up. I hated how people always looked at them, pointed out how much they showed in low cut shirts when I never even noticed they were--or even wanted them to. They were just there. I liked the way low cut shirts feel and look on me, I just can’t help these giant sacks of flesh that sit on my chest. 

Except...now I can! I ran my hands over my smooth chest, feeling bright. I looked into the mirror, and felt something warm wash over me. I put on my new masculine clothes, letting my partner clip on my new suspenders. I realized that I was shaking as I looked at myself again… I looked like a boy. I felt like a boy. Like a man. And I liked it. I wanted it. Admitting that to myself was like coming home. 

I remember being in sixth grade, walking around the track for my civil air patrol class. I had been slotted in with the rest of the girls, the boys walking ahead of us. I remember feeling uncomfortable being shoved in with only girls, and looking at the gaggle of boys ahead. The exact thought that whispered in my brain was “I wish I was a boy. I want to be like them, with them.” I never forgot that moment, and how strange it made me feel. How it was easier to shake that thought away, and dismiss those feelings. Except they never really left, did they? 

I remember sitting on my bed, crying with my best friend kneeling in front of me. I remember telling her how I didn’t like feeling like a woman all the time. That I wished I could be a black shadow, monstrous, androdynous. Specifically like Venom. She took my hand, did my makeup all in black and helped me pick out the perfect black outfit to achieve that dark, gothic look. I was so incredibly happy and validated. But I still felt like something was missing. 

I remember going into an Adam and Eve for laugh, not expecting much since I am an asexual with a low libido. I remember seeing packers and feeling my chest tighten. I never liked my genitalia--I had wished for a cloaca or something akin to that, but since that was biologically impossible for a human… I sometimes wished I had the opposite of a vagina. I frequently imagined what it would be like to have a penis. I frequently lamented the fact that I didn’t have one. I took the box up to the counter to ask some questions, my dress swishing as I went. The cashier told me it was for trans people only, and a girl like me couldn’t have it. She didn’t know what asexuality was, and had tried polyamory once but decided it was bad when her girlfriend kissed her boyfriend. I was upset, disheartened, and left the store empty handed feeling frustrated and lost.

I remember finally cutting the long, curly locks that had frustrated and imprisoned me for so long. Seeing all of my hair fall to the floor, staring into the mirror as the barber buzzed the back of my head… It made me want to cry tears of joy. It was the first time in my entire life that I had looked at my hair and was happy. The first time I could look in the mirror and feel like myself. Then I remember wanting to go shorter, and my barber encouraging me to keep it a little longer so I didn’t look manly, so I could still be soft and feminine. The way my stomach dropped and the sick feeling in my chest only increased when he began to make fun of the gay men who came down the street near his favorite restaurant. I never saw that barber again. I instead found a nice local place down the road from my apartment, where the kind lady cut it all off without question, other than “Why?” and accepted my warm “It makes me happy. It makes me feel beautiful.” 

But wearing that binder for the first time? It was as if a beam of light had funneled its way directly into my heart. I felt like a handsome man, with just a little bit of striking man boob, and it felt so right. My partner called me a dashing boy and my heart began to race. I still feel his hand tracing my jawline as he called me handsome, and the butterflies it sent up through my belly, even after more than eleven years. 

I love my partner--he identifies as agender and primarily masculine, and has been on the lookout for a good pair of size thirteen shoes to wear with a dress. They also wear joggers and flip flops and graphic tees and can’t seem to stop talking about the ocean and outer space. They’re probably one of my biggest inspirations for finding myself, and being authentically me. 

I’m not super sure who or what I am right now. I’m still figuring that out, but I’m pretty sure I’m somewhere between agender and genderfluid. I feel like me more than anything else, but all pronouns make me feel good. I feel like all of them and none of them at once, but I swing between wanting to be feminine and masculine pretty strongly, though I enjoy being masculine most of all--even when I’m wearing dresses and pink. I feel like a beautiful person in a dress or a button down, no matter what gender I feel like today or tomorrow. 

I am me. And I am one dashing boy, and one beautiful girl. 

4 July 2021

XXX

Since first writing this little essay, I’ve been doing a lot more examination of my gender. I have come to the conclusion that I am transmasc and nonbinary, and am shaky on the title of genderfluid. I am feeling less and less like a woman--if anything, occasionally adjacent to a woman rather than actually being one. I love feeling like and presenting as a man. I have my first appointment with a gender services doctor at my local community clinic for consultation on starting hrt testosterone. I am planning to start with low dose first, and see how I feel. 

I am still unsure of my exact identity, but I have found great euphoria with being and presenting as a man. I love being a man and everything that entails. I have loved myself like never before. Being with my partner is amazing, and he has been endlessly supportive--even recounting little things they had noticed throughout the years. One of the funniest being that I only ever referred to my body parts--my belly, hands, hair, genitalia--with masculine pronouns. I always seemed to see my body as male even if I had a certain sort of dissonance from it. 

Coming out has been difficult. I have had both positive and negative experiences from it. I have been told going on testosterone would be self harm, and that I can’t be something I’m not. I’ve had coworkers I trusted out me without my permission. But I have also had positive affirmation, polite questions, and discussions. I am terrified to tell my mother and her boyfriend--I have no idea how they will react and am terrified that I will be disrespected and disowned. 

But I am prepared to do whatever it takes to be my happiest and most authentic self. 

I have been binding a lot more often, wearing sports bras for long shifts at work, and occasionally going without either when I feel like letting my man boobs hang free. I’ve had the delightful experience of going to a men’s big and tall store and finally wearing pants. I grew up as a fat girl and felt as if I had to perform high femininity to be taken seriously and be treated well--and had been told by someone I trusted that I was too fat to wear pants, which I heavily internalized. So I had completely cast them away in favor of dresses and skirts, bows and gaudy jewelry. Realizing that I could wear pants was...totally wild. That I could be comfortable and look good in pants and shorts, and that it didn’t matter what people did or thought of me was life changing. Maybe I’ll feel like being feminine again someday, but right now this masculinity and masculine clothing, with perhaps the added spice of funky earrings, feels like home. 

I also grew up autistic and with PCOS, both which I think have affected my gender identity. Being autistic, I truly struggled to connect to others socially, and especially to understand societal norms. Being a proper woman felt like I was making up for everything else I was lacking--I may have been awkward, semi-verbal and weird with no friends, but at least I was cute and girlish. I never connected to womanhood though, and always felt out of place no matter how hard I tried. With PCOS, I had heightened testosterone, which meant wider breasts and shoulders, a lack of periods, and excessive body hair. I recall the endocrinologist asking high school age me if I had excessive body hair around my stomach, breasts, etc. and my mother jumping to say no I didn’t...even though I did. I remember suddenly feeling very self aware and ashamed of something completely natural, and even something I started to enjoy. I started shaving my entire body then. 

I even remember being in middle school, and thinking nothing of my hairy legs. In fact, I loved my body hair and how it felt. A rude girl began making fun of me though, tutting her tongue as she cooed, “Aw, does your mommy not let you shave?” Among other things, all throughout many years of severe bullying and abuse. I remember feeling ashamed, but not knowing why, and immediately shaving my legs, covering them in nicks from my shaky and unsteady hands, that same night. 

So many things set me back in my gender expression. So many things contributed to me willful ignorance and denial. I remember wanting to be butch, and everyone in my life laughing at me and saying I was too soft for that. That sweet, sharp ache in my chest. I remember going to a salad bar with my mother, wearing a button up and telling her I wanted to wear some more boyish clothes around that same time--I had already told her that I was bi sometime earlier. I remember her lip curling, looking uncomfortable, and telling me that I better not become one of those boy girls. My late father was very vocal in denouncing homosexuality and specifically men loving men--something which always sat horribly wrong with me on a deeper level. 

I think I might ending up being a trans man. I am still unsure and figuring myself out, but I struggle greatly with the autistic need for sameness vs. the trans need for change. My sapphic love of women has always been very important to me, and fully becoming a man rather than genderfluid is scary for that very reason. I am still navigating my identity and what it means to me and my reality--but no matter what, being a man, being masculine is integral to who I am. 

I was called a “sir” at a job interview for the first time the other day, and nearly began to bawl from sheer joy. The gender euphoria from that and so many moments is worth so much more to me than the years of suffering and ignorance and my ongoing struggles with dysphoria. I finally got a packer and have had help from my partner in learning to position it properly--I am thinking of cutting my hair even shorter. I have almost perfected a pretty basic tie tying skill. Okay, not really, but I’m getting there. I feel deep inside that even though my father loved me, he would not like who and what I am. Still, I wear the last watch he ever wore, and hope to be a good man like him--and to learn from the toxic parts of him to be an even better man. 

I am very excited to start hrt. I am terrified of hair loss and vaginal atrophy, but I look forward to so much more. I cannot wait for bottom growth and body hair, for the voice drop that will hopefully get me misgendered less. I have always felt disconnected from my voice and look forward to getting to know it better as it changes with me. I look forward to meeting with new facial hair. Working out and growing muscle. I just look forward to my second puberty and becoming more like myself. I look forward to navigating and exploring my gender even further, both with loved ones, support groups, and myself. 

More than anything, I am just happy to be me. 

25 August 2021

#transmasc #ftm #ftx #gender #genderqueer #transgender #trans #lgbt #lgbtq #trans man #nonbinary #genderfluid #poets of tumblr #spilled thoughts #gender expression #low dose t #hrt

[army-of-mai-lovers]

Re: misogyny in atla fandom post. I’m a butch/gnc woman and there’s so few representation for women like me. I really relate to toph and admire her for being androgynous and masculine but still being a woman. She shows that there’s no “wrong” way to be a woman and that you can reject gendered expectations and still be female. She’s the only character I’ve ever been able to relate to for this. I feel like it’s kind of misogynistic when people HC her as a trans guy or non binary with they/them pronouns. I’m all for HCing characters as trans, but with toph it feels weird.

She’s constrained by the expectations put upon her for being a girl in a patriarchal society and also being disabled, and how those two intersect. But her acceptance of being disabled & and a girl and breaking the stereotypes pushed upon her for those facets of her identity is the whole point! And as a disabled gnc woman, I feel like stripping her of her womanhood bc she’s masculine/androgynous is the same as stripping her of her disability because she’s strong. Idk

This is a really interesting perspective, anon! Outside of tumblr, I’m a prospective gender studies minor, and in my gender studies classes we have this practice called situating. Basically, I explain who I am, so you know where I’m coming from. Esp wrt things like race, gender, and sexuality, you can read and learn and listen to other people, but you’ll only ever truly know your own experience, and it’s important for people to know that’s where your perspective on a certain debate is coming from. So, hi, I’m Arthur, I’m an afab nonbinary person who uses they/them pronouns, my gender expression is very much in a period of flux because I don’t have the ability to socially or medically transition as much as I’d like, so, at least for right now, most people interpret me as a sometimes gnc cis woman. Because I’m most often interpreted as a cis girl, even though that is not who I am at all, I experience misogyny, and that is unfortunately part of my trans experience. That doesn’t give me the authority to speak over women at all, but I do think it was a large part of me noticing the misogyny in this fandom and deciding to write what I did (and I’m so glad it resonated with you!) All of that colors the way I view gnc characters, as well as trans/nonbinary characters, and misogyny, within fandom and without. 

So, now that you understand where my thoughts are coming from, here they are. I definitely think it’s transphobic to hc Toph as a trans guy if you are not transmasc yourself. I’ve never seen trans guy hcs for Toph, but the idea of cis ppl equating this canonically cis girl character to someone who is unequivocally, indisputably, a guy, makes me super uncomfy. If there’s a trans guy out there who really relates to Toph and wants to create and develop that hc in a way that works for you, be my guest, but I do not have the authority or the desire to make trans guy Toph hcs. 

As for the nonbinary thing... I will admit, they/them Toph hcs make me feel seen, probably the same way you feel seen by Toph as an unapologetically androgynous/masculine cis girl. I answered some asks a couple weeks ago about lesbian hcs, and in that I talked about how since both lesbians and bi girls are underrepresented in media, hcs that might make one group feel seen and valued are gonna make another group feel erased, and I’m not really sure how to resolve that. The same goes for hcs around androgynous afab characters: butch women and afab* nby folks have so little representation that hcs that make one group feel seen are going to make another group feel erased. As a afab nonbinary person who uses they/them pronouns, who has never connected with any concept of womanhood despite sometimes having a pretty femme gender expression, I do relate to Toph a whole lot. I’ve also had to navigate (and am still navigating!) a minefield of gendered expectations in a patriarchal society, and talking and listening to and reading about other trans people, it seems to be a pretty integral part of the trans experience (not that there is one sole trans experience, we’re all very different, but that’s a topic for another time). The gender binary is, after all, a central feature of Western white supremacist patriarchal constructions of gender, and if you deviate in any way, whether it’s through being gender nonconforming, or through being trans/nonbinary, you’re probably going to have to fight really hard to exist and survive and feel confident in your body and your expression, because society is constantly sending you the message that you are deviant and thus not worthy. And it’s nice to think of your favorite character as having some of the same experiences you do. 

I will say, I see they/them Toph headcanons more often than I see they/them Katara or they/them Yue, and I’d encourage people to really dig deep and think about why they’re more comfortable hcing an androgynous character as being nonbinary than they would be a more obviously feminine character (especially since nonbinary folk come in all gender expressions). I also would just love to see more transfem hcs! People for whatever reason seem way more comfortable hcing male characters as trans guys than they do hcing female characters as trans girls (and the reason is transmisogyny--Mae @transtenzin made a post about this a couple months ago about how most transfem atla hcs are characters like Smellerbee, while transmasc hcs can center around more major characters like Zuko or Sokka--a wonderful post that I would link to if tumblr’s search function weren’t absolute shit.) 

But at the end of the day, I am going to have to disagree with you on thinking of nonbinary Toph hcs as misogynistic, because I know as a disabled afab nonbinary person myself, I’ve dealt with a lot of the same struggles that Toph deals with in the show, and I’m sure there are a lot of other afab nonbinary folks who feel the same way. However, I understand feeling frustrated by people hcing a canonically androgynous female character as nonbinary. I hope what I’ve said here can offer you a little insight into the other side of this, and I so appreciate you offering me insight into your side. 

Another thing to note: while I haven’t seen trans guy Toph hcs, I have seen people hc Toph as a he/him lesbian. He/him lesbians are of course a valued part of our community, and I applaud any and all he/him lesbian Toph hcs. Pronouns =/= gender. 

Tl;dr don’t hc Toph as a trans guy unless you are a trans guy and even then I would tread lightly, gender and transness and representation is complicated and I’m not entirely sure how to resolve conflicts between different groups of marginalized people who are trying to find rep in opposing hcs of the same character, and imo hcing Toph as nonbinary is not misogynistic (but my opinion is not the final word on any subject!) Also, we stan he/him lesbians. 

*amab nby folks of course also receive very little rep, probably even less than afab nby folks, and that is a very important conversation to have, but seeing as 1) this ask was about hcs for an afab character, and 2) I am not amab and therefore very unqualified to lead a conversation about hcing certain characters as amab or the larger field of amab nby rep, I thought it best to focus on afab nonbinary people in this post. 

#technically I am gone but this ask tickled my gender philosophy bone so we're answering it #anons #replies #transphobia #transmisogyny #swearing tw #discourse

[traumatisedbabygay]

ight im gonna go off about the gender crisis again, because its my blog and vent space and i'll do what i want ;)

would i be allowed to label myself as agender, even though i dont experience any gender discomfort? Like, when someone calls me a girl, or says im a sister, daughter, ect, i dont feel uncomfortable. I just feel....indifferent. It doesn't necessarily feel right, but if it felt wrong surely id be feeling more than just mild confusion. agender usually means "genderless", but could it also mean gender...indifferent? Gender...apathetic?

If i were to try and make a comparison so i can better comprehend my thoughts, itd be this. If i were unconscious due to, idk, anaesthesia or something, and then had a surgery performed, id feel nothing. Id feel no pain, no tickling. If when i was still asleep after my mum caressed my face i wouldnt feel comfort. I wouldnt feel anything. Good, bad or neutral. All i would feel would be the dreamscape that the medically induced deep sleep placed me in: abstract. Non definable. One minute in that dream i could be strolling through an enchanted forest, the next I could be falling endlessly. But no matter what happened in those dreams, my physical body would be too out of it to react. Its like my gender identity is in a very deep sleep, feeling nothing objectively but everything abstractly, all at once.

Now lets say those "abstract dreams" in the metaphor was presentation. Most of the time i present very feminine, traditionally. My style is vintage/historical, lots of long skirts and frilly blouses and braided hair. Dressing like that makes me confident, comfortable. But I also really enjoy dressing more masculine. Of course, with super long hair ill always appear somewhat feminine, but wearing waistcoats and vintage trousers and shirts makes me feel confident too. I once said to my nana when i wore a particularly masculine outfit "some days i want to be elizabeth bennet, but somedays i want to be mr darcy". But no matter how feminine or masculine i feel, i dont know how to interpret that as gender. I feel like a girl, if "feeling like a girl" could be defined as "feeling like a vague blur of nothingness". Or am i just equating femininity with girliness. Do i actually just feel feminine, but not "girly".

sjdhskdjdjjddjdjfh why is this so confusing? I genuinely think either agender or genderqueer are labels to consider, even if no label feels better. With the way my brain works, i still need some form of label. but how do i know im not just overthinking things? If i am just, in fact, a cis girl who doesnt understand what that really means?

Surely its not that uncommon an experience? To not be able to recognise what gender feels like. I dont even know what its *meant* to feel like, unlike when i was questioning my sexuality and knew exactly what liking men was meant to feel like bc of my straight friends. Can i call myself a girl for simplicity's sake? It doesnt make me sad or uncomfy, if im being honest it doesnt feel like anything. Could i say im a genderqueer girl? As in, "i'll say im a girl if asked only because the real answer is so fucking complicated and undefined that even I dont know how to word it". As in "i might say im a girl but really my relationship to gender and womanhood is so much more than that. my gender is paradoxial. I both feel and dont feel like something, but i dont even know how to describe that small "something"."

Or would i say im a genderqueer femme? I dont mind being equated with feminitity, but underneath that feminine surface everything is so jumbled and hard to decipher that its easier to just act like a girl and not think about it.

but now ive opened the can of worms. i kinda have to think about it now.

or would i just say, "hey, im (name), my pronouns are she/her but idc if you use anything else, and im......i exist." Because at the end of the day, does it matter that i cant put how i feel into words that feel adequate? Surely just existing, acknowledging that *something* is going on beneath the surface but knowing it doesnt affect me enough to seek out a label, is fine too, right?

god why is this so fucking hard

#agender #genderqueer #questioning my gender #why is gender so confusing #halp

[gender-queeries]

hello, thank you so much for this blog! i got really happy when i saw it, and though i barely know you, you genuinely seem like such a kind person.

if you don't mind, could you help me find gender labels and neopronouns that could suit me? i'm afab and i only feel as if i'm a "girl" because my whole life i was told i was a girl, did "girly" things, and have been decently feminine. i don't know if this is a momentary thing because i've felt this before, but to slightly different degrees. i've been stuck trying to find out if i'm fem aligned, woman aligned, or just cis. any help would be appreciated, and thank you again! <3

p.s. i'm sorry if this comes off as rude in any way.

hi anon! i'm really glad my blog makes you happy, and thank you so much for the compliment, it made me unbelievably happy :)

i don't know of any labels specifically for people who feel as if they are only feminine because of their upbringing. if you'd like me to coin one for you, i would be super happy to do so!

it's pretty common for nonbinary people to feel as if their connection to their AGAB is only because of how they grew up, and pressure that they feel to perform the gender associated with their AGAB, so you're not alone in your experience.

i can't give you any labels with much certainty, as i don't know if your connection to femininity is only because of the expectations of you as an AFAB person. i will try though!

when i first saw your ask, i immediately thought that you may be genderflux, meaning that your gender fluctuates in intensity. girlflux was the immediate label that came to mind, but the fun thing about labels is that you can combine them to make them fit! if you feel a connection to any of the other labels i list as well as to genderflux, feel free to combine them.

here's a list of labels that might fit:

Aliengender - an identity for those who feel like their gender is similar to an interpretation of a gender from another perspective, sort of like an alien 'trying on' a gender. aliengirl may be accurate.

Demigirl - someone who only identifies partially as a girl.

Ethale - someone whose gender relates to womanhood in a sense, but still exists as a separate gender.

Juxera - similar to ethale, it is a gender that is relative to female but still separate and entirely on its own.

Faesari - someone who feels most comfortable within the gender-neutral spectrum, but still feels a strong attachment to femininity.

Nanogender/Nan0gender - a gender that is a very small part one gender, but mostly something else. nanogirl/nan0girl may fit.

my answer to anyone who's questioning is to experiment. i recommend trying out presenting in a more masculine or androgynous way (if possible), trying out new pronouns and gendered terms, and maybe trying out new names. that may help you feel out what feels right to you, and it might help to clear up your confusion about your connection to femininity.

i recommend trying out lots of pronouns, including both neopronouns and more common pronouns, such as they/them and he/him.

when it comes to neopronouns, those are usually quite personal and tailored to the individual, so i can't give you a lot of recommendations as you're still figuring your gender out. i do recommend checking out the neopronoun carrd though.

i can think of one set though, which is shey/shem/sheir/shemself - this set of pronouns is a bit like a combination of she/her and they/them, which might help to capture and communicate a partial connection to femininity and womanhood.

if you want me to do pronoun, name, and/or gendered term checks, i would love to! if you also find out a bit more about your gender and what feels right, i can definitely help you find more neopronouns and labels that could fit. good luck with figuring things out, i wish you the best!

#cheshire answers #long post

[salamandersorcerer]

(Rambling about my personal gender thoughts and feelings why are tl;drs never at the beginning they should be??)

I feel so messed up around gender. I really don’t like the term “woman” for myself, it feels totally wrong, but in a lot of my dreams I feel like a girl and it’s fine. I worry that I’m cis and just alienated from Womanhood bc I’m a lesbian because I never felt at home with the other girls and I’m not really feminine. I don’t shave or use makeup but that’s not what makes you a woman or not a woman but also I don’t want to be a woman but ?????????,?

It all just feels really stupid. Like because I’m not comfortable in the binary that means I’m nonbinary right? Like that’s enough? Or something? But something in me still feels kinda like a girl and when I hear about sexism and like Stuff Women Go Through that’s the side of things I’ve learned.

Is it just too much binary thinking? That because I’m Not A Boy I must be a girl?

No I don’t think so, really because there’s something in there that feels girl?? I guess I could say demigirl but that label just doesn’t feel right

I don’t think I’m Butch per se but I definitely am gnc. I guess I like stuff that’s like “my gender is lesbian” because I do feel that but I also really really don’t feel like a woman so ??????

Not to say that any sexuality doesn’t include nb people because obviously it does but I don’t feel like I Get To if that makes sense. Like I’m not nonbinary “enough” to be part of the trans community bc I don’t even mind she/her pronouns, I just don’t want people to think I’m a woman but also I’m kind of a girl KIND OF and since everyone has always thought I’m a girl this doesn’t feel like a huge departure from that.

Everything feels so contradictory like obviously trans people don’t have to transition or want to to be trans but since I don’t want to somehow I can’t be???

I really want to be someone who just doesn’t care about labels, but I like the stability and community they provide but I always feel one-foot-in-the-door about it :( it’s just so stupid and such a circular problem and I can’t stop thinking about it!!!

#diary #sal likes talking #gender #lgbt+ #lgbtq+ #questioning #nonbinary #lesbian #nblw #wlnb #why am I tagging this like I want people to see it??? #ok I guess bc I want reassurance or something. attention. I do love attention but that doesn’t mean this is any less genuine #talking to myself in the tags #long post ish

[sapphic-sex-ed]

I’ve really been struggling with my sexuality lately. I know that labels aren’t actually that important, feelings are, but I still feel upset about not knowing what I am.

For most of my life I’ve identified as a lesbian. However, I’m currently in a relationship with someone who is genderfluid. Upon realizing I had feelings for this person for years and recently entering a relationship with them, I sort of put my lesbian label to the side, not really knowing if it fit me anymore.

I am definitely attracted to women. I know for a fact that whatever I am includes women. I just find that I’m attracted to my partner as a person, not really thinking about their gender. I don’t think I’d date anyone else who identified as partly a man or a man. But, I know for a fact that I love this person no matter what they are.

I still feel very connected to the lesbian label and the history, but I’m not sure if that’s a bad thing for me to feel now. I’ve considered labeling myself as bi, but I don’t know if that would fit me do to my nonexistent attraction to anyone else but my partner that identifies with being a man.

I guess I’m sending this because I feel like I need to share my feelings with somebody who has an outside perspective. I’m not sure if you can help much, but I still thank anyone who reads this, for well, reading this

While labels aren’t inherently important, they can hold importance to you, and that’s valid. It’s through labeling (or the rejection of labels!) that we build ourselves, regardless of those labels are about your internal experiences (I am an artist) or your relationships to others (I am a good friend).

Your reflections about your identity labels are valid and common. Many identity labels as they exist today were conceived in a time when non-binary genders were not commonly known or understood, and thus the rigid definitions of words like “homosexual” as “only attracted to people of the same gender” can seem to exclude them but labels like “bisexual” may seem to broad and not fully representing the way we experience our attractions.

For your situation, lesbian has historically held the same meaning as the word “sapphic” does today. That is, any woman who is attracted to other women (well, historically the earliest usage of the word lesbian that I know of meant a butch woman who dated women — her femme gf would just be called “the lesbian’s girlfriend”) and today we’ve expanded the “woman” term to include non binary people who align with womanhood in any way.

So historically, the term lesbian hasn’t excluded women who date and love men as well as women (until the proto-terf movement lesbian separatism/feminism in the 70’s witch was a radical feminist movement that aimed to exclude all those they considered men from women’s spaces, including trans women and bi women who didn’t disavow their attraction to men — even many straight women joined in hence becoming “political” lesbians).

The term bi lesbian has been a hot topic, but really it refers not to one specific identity, but the combination of two: a bisexual woman who also identifies with the term lesbian. That’s in accordance with the usage of lesbian from 40’s-70’s and imo a valid take. As a lesbian solely attracted to women (and aligned) I tend to favor the “lesbian as any woman attracted to women regardless of possible attraction to other genders” because my own sexuality isn’t hinged on my lack of attraction to men, but by my attraction to women.

And speaking of “genders aligned to womanhood”. It’s important to make clear that not all non binary people, and not all non binary sapphics specifically, like the “aligned to” language. We tend to use that here on SSE as it’s the most efficient language we’ve got at the moment. What we generally mean by the aligned language is that their gender somehow in some way has ties to femininity or womaness in a way. This includes demi girls, bigender/trigender people who have girl or demi girl as one of their experienced genders, genderfluid people, or otherwise feel some connection with the gender woman.

So, you say your partner is genderfluid. If one of their genders is aligned with being a woman, they’d be covered by the lesbian label alone. If you don’t feel it’s fitting, you can use sapphic or wlw. Even just using queer can be nice.

This is getting long, but this is complex subject that requires nuance. I’ve only just scratched the surface here, but the tl;dr is that lesbian is ok to use even if you can be attracted to other genders than binary woman, and if you don’t feel comfortable with that there are terms like sapphic and wlw which focuses on the woman/woman attraction even if there’s other attraction there, and then there’s queer that covers any non allocishet experiences.

-mod liz

#anonymous #mod liz #labels #gender #non binary #sapphic #lesbian #wlw #queer

[trickstarbrave]

i get to make posts abt whatever i want and i like the long form ability tumblr has so im gonna make a post here abt it instead of a 29 tweets long thread abt it on twitter.com’s hellsite even if its a bigger thing there for ppl to yell at me: 

“how can you be NB and a woman? why even bother being aligned? why be more than one category? how do you know this isn’t a common experience with womanhood and it’s just misogyny?” 

there is no one experience of womanhood. this is true. i don’t know if this is a truly common or uncommon experience. i dont know how every woman feels. maybe a great deal binary women feel the same way, and maybe how i feel is entirely different from how women feel. but gender is not just an internal thing but an external thing. it’s, for me, both. no, wearing a dress or feminine clothes doesnt make you a woman and wearing masculine clothes make you a man, but how we live our lives and process our own thoughts is informed by the society and culture around us. all i can do is use that lens i have been given to interpret how i feel.

i dont think i am a binary woman. i use he/him and don’t like she/her or many feminine parts of language used to describe me, which isn’t something i see many binary women do. sure i can use pronouns i dont even like, much like how i can change my name to something i dont like, but im more so in the business of doing things that hurt no one for my own comfort and going from there. still though, not all of my behaviors are not unlike how i think womanhood is. i experience society primarily as someone interpreted as a woman. im okay to a degree with it too. i am subjected to misogyny and sexism. i am a primary target of those. i feel i have a vested interest in women’s rights not just because someone may mistake me for a woman but bc for all intense purposes i kind of am one. i love women and my attraction to women is based on that. i am attracted to other nb ppl with a relation to womanhood. 

for me it means i am partially out of the box. standing with one foot in and one foot out of it into something that isn’t manhood. for a while i assumed if i dont feel 100% like a woman the alternative was manhood. or gender fluidity. or that there is only a handful of experiences you’re allowed with being nonbinary like being entirely third gendered or agender. i relate to womanhood, and sometimes i dont at all. i feel it doesn’t quite fit, a label that applies only half the time and the other half manhood doesn’t apply to me at all either. for women’s issues and women’s spaces there are times i will be heavily involved and present bc they are issues that concern me and have resources i want and need. 

binary society, however, says you’re not allowed to have these varied experiences. you either feel like a woman and use she/her pronouns and look and act a certain way, or you feel like a man, use he/him pronouns, and look and act a different way. that if you don’t your existence is incoherent and irrelevant. it does not account for what each of these parts mean and serve (how pronouns can be very different from presentation or how people can be unable or unwilling to present a certain way), it just says “this is a list of things women do and this is a list of things men do”, and i say “well i do a lot of things on the woman’s list but don’t fill in the checklist entirely”. im on the fringe of womanhood, but orbit it enough that it’s still applicable as a category. 

not everyone will feel like me and reject being a woman and a man entirely, but i reject the idea that there is two distinct boxes that can only be solved by adding a third or fourth box. being nonbinary for me is existing in some level outside of strict boundaries or roles to any degree, and that means you dont have to reject womanhood or manhood to do so. you dont have to reject femininity or masculinity to do so. that some of us will be close enough to the box it might seem like it’s unnecessary to count us as outside it in any way but i say it does matter if we say it does. maybe most people exist outside of these boundaries to varying degrees and it doesn’t impact them, but it impacts me. being nonbinary means you may not be easily understood by other people. just like how bisexuals do not need to have an equal amount of partners who are men and women to be “real”, their bisexuality is important. if a bi woman dates 30 women and 1 man genuinely then she is still bi, not “basically a lesbian”. if a bi man dates 30 women and 1 man, he is not “basically straight”. i am not “basically a woman who should change my pronouns and language”, im woman aligned nb.

nb ppl can also be gay, or lesbian, or bi, or any other complicated sexuality bc they are unaligned and like women or men specifically, or only like nb ppl like them and we dont rly have good words for that ppl recognize. a binary gender system is like binary code, which means youre either a 0 or 1. theres no room for numbers between that, nor numbers outside it. all you can do is break the binary system that no longer servers a good purpose. and that also means we have to think in different ways about sexuality as we know, which was informed by a binary. 

nonbinary isn’t a clear cut thing. it isn’t as easy to understand as manhood and womanhood. our society wasn’t built to explain and understand it so i don’t fault people who dont. but trying to simplify nb identities into something easier to understand for you is wrong. being a woman or man isn’t smth as simplistic as people like to act like it is either. for now this is how i feel and communicate it. im a nb lesbian. i use he/him. pronouns dont determine my gender as unaligned nb ppl can use any pronouns like they as well, and manhood is more complex than simply using 1 set of pronouns. if you think im a man you look silly. if you think i share everything in common with women you look silly. it isnt entirely intuitive or straightforward but i am making due with what i have in a way that doesnt hurt others and isn’t based on bigotry. i dont reject womanhood because of bigotry, i know it exists and i fight against it. i love women and feel im close enough that women can love me too. i feel alienated partially because im a lesbian even, and other lesbians go through this to varying degrees too. 

[borghildrs]

Hera

SEND ME A CHARACTER AND I’LL DO THIS;

Sexuality Headcanon:

Hera I place as being pansexual though so far she has only ever had experience with men, those being Zeus and Hades.

She's pretty confident in herself so she would easily express it if she were to find attraction to someone else, but at this point in time she wouldn't act on it. She's an incredibly monogamous person and despite what Zeus has done to her she's not going to repeat the mistakes she made in the past when she had her fling with Hades as payback.

Hera does not regret that time but as she put it when she tested Hades they've "grown up." Using sex as a means of getting back at people was a childish thing to do...she probably DOES feel a little guilty about having used Hades since she knows his feelings for her were a little stronger than she had thought during that time---though her feelings for him were also pretty strong.

All in all gender doesn't really come into account for her but because of her marriage to Zeus she hasn't really been with anyone other than him and Hades in the earliest stages of their marriage.

Unless I'm playing against other Lore Olympus muses, however, I'll probably play her either pre-marriage or post a divorce.

Gender Headcanon:

Hera is wholly comfortable and happy as a woman and values her femininity greatly. Given the great number of changes that exist in Lore Olympus to the ""original"" myths (I use that term loosely given how different canons can have different interpretations) I will always go with those, but along with being the goddess of marriage, Hera was often cited as being the goddess of women/womanhood as a whole as well. I'll be going with that idea.

A ship I have with said character:

To be honest nothing I feel strongly for at the moment. Given recent chapters I do think it would be fun to explore a 'what if' scenario if Hera had said yes to Hades but I feel like I would be crucified for that, LOL. Echo is definitely a very cute possibility too as far as healthier prospects.

As for Zeus I think their relationship would definitely be fun to explore but....it's hard to see it working out. We've seen Zeus show regret for how he treats her but he also doesn't seem to have made much effort to stop.

A BROTP I have with said character:

Both with Persephone and Hades. I mean. Do I even need to explain that? They are both so good to her, and she to them. The scene with Persephone telling Hera about what happened with Apollo still pulls at my heartstrings.

A NOTP I have with said character:

Again none I feel particularly strongly for. Her relationship with Zeus is obviously unhealthy but that doesn't mean I don't find it interesting to explore. I haven't really seen her shipping with anyone soooo? We'll see.

A random headcanon:

Hera isn’t really happy at having been given the role of goddess of marriage. She’s happy to be the goddess of women, but she always felt a little weird about having the duty of blessing or dismissing people’s relationships. 

It’s especially frustrating now given how much of a joke her own marriage is.

General Opinion over said character:

I really love Rachel’s interpretation of Hera. In mythology she is a terrible, godawful person but that’s.....literally every Greek God. Every single Greek God is a terrible person. Some are better than others but all have done awful things, and yet repeatedly Hera has always been shown as this nasty, awful, woman for being angry about Zeus being a cheater and yet Zeus a r///st gets to be seen as heroic and noble?

BLEH.

Hera still has her  faults but she’s shown to be a capable woman who is trying to keep her marriage together for the sake of her children, and for the sake of keeping Olympus together.

What we’ve recently been finding out about her during the 6 Traitor’s Dynasty is also fascinating.

#m: hera #h: hera #long post #ty for asking about her!