#but sometimes i just get so fcking lonely | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hotcat37 · 2 years

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Things I like/love abt Trailer park boys,,,my beloveds

-random cats and dogs showing up throughout the episodes (I love how they just exist ig? Like they're not always acknowledged but sometimes you see a character holding a random cat or petting a dog and it rlly just makes the environment feel alive)

-I love the semi recurring gag of the boys going to jail at the end of every season, and if it's not Ricky and Julian it's only one of them or another character

-the season finales are ALWAYS fcking incredible and even in the Netflix seasons I've always been entertained by the shitstorm coming together

-the little detail of Julian always tucking his shirt into his pants,, it rlly gave him even more character to me and I was sad that he didn't do it anymore later on 😣

-the sense of community in the earlier seasons like,,I absolutely love that despite how greasy the boys' scams are they still go out of their way to help other park residents and you can tell they just absolutely love everyone there

-Ricky's cool fcking jacket when he worked at that school as a janitor <3

-everyone (well except Julian sometimes lol) being friendly to Treena despite being the kid of Mr Lahey. I found it rlly sweet that she got to hang out with them and she clearly felt rlly comfortable around them

-Trinity just being absolutely unhinged as a kid but also having this rlly sweet side to her? Despite acting off the rails at first she's mellowed out quite a lot as she got older and idk I feel like that's good for her character and makes her stand out from the rest of her family

-random but I love how Julian rejects Lucy every time she comes onto him. In a lot of shows this causes conflict cuz Lucy is ofc Ricky's girlfriend and Julian is Ricky's bestie and therefore there's often some kind of strange love triangle or at least a flirty relationship going on. But you can tell how much Julian respects Ricky and he's never harsh when he rejects her, which is a rlly compelling character trait in my opinion

-Bubbles not giving a fck abt toxic masculinity and just dressing however the fuck he likes and expressing his interests openly. It's so refreshing to see a male character just unapologetically being themselves without constantly being the butt of the joke. I also love how genuine his friendship with the boys is and that they don't make fun of him or exclude him for not being as conventionally 'masculine' as they are

-Ricky and Sara's relationship in Season 2,,,I really liked them together and they had good chemistry imo

-Randy always saying frigg off!!!! instead of fuck off but still saying bitch and whatnot lmfao

-Ricky doing absolutely insane shit (rolling a massive joint, being on fire) and Julian being completely desensitized to it

-background characters actually having names and having their own personality and running gags. They make the show feel so unique and real and it wouldn't be the same without Donnie constantly screaming "WHAT IN THE FUCK!!!!" or other shit going on in the background

-the pilot in particular tbh idk it usually takes a while for me to get into shows and I didn't have any expectations going into TPB but I was immediately sucked into the story. Like the aesthetics, the mockumentary format.... The fact that Ricky and Julian are a dynamic duo right off the bat even when they're claiming they'll stay away from each other is just so compelling. Julian very clearly being the protector of the park and having so many people look up to him sets him up as such an interesting and likeable character because we feel his struggle in both wanting to do better for himself and wanting to be there for the park residents. Ricky on the flip side seems like the 'bad' one of the two but it quickly becomes clear that he's struggling just as much as the rest of them and that he feels disoriented and lonely without his best friend. The little moment when Ricky stands outside Julian's trailer in the dark, petting a cat while Julian softly says he thinks Ricky is a good guy....just *cheffs kiss*

-the whole vibe of season 7. It really stands out from the other seasons because despite it being comedic as usual and having a slow start, there's just this weird ominous sense throughout the episodes. Like it's got this creepy supernatural feel to it sometimes. Like that shot of Julian's Monte Carlo sinking slowly into the lake, with the dark sky and shit? Horrifying. Like straight up that shit creeped me out lmao I rlly wish they'd do another season with more of those ominous moments

-I don't know how to explain this one but i fcking love how the main trio looks visually? Like not just "oh yeah they're attractive" but as in, these characters are super recognizable. In some shows I often mix characters up because there's nothing particularly outstandingly abt their appearance while here they're just so diverse? Julian's drink, his beard and his usual black outfit.... Bubbles with his massive eyes n coke bottle glasses, and his blonde hair.... Ricky with his Houndstooth shirt and pompadour and sideburns.... They just look so unique and i really wish the animated series would've exaggerated their proportions and physical traits because that would've been perfect in a cartoon setting 😫

-nobody caring that Randy and Lahey are gay. Obv this show still has some issues in regards to portraying LGBT characters but I love that none of the characters ever make a big deal out of these two's relationship. They only judge them for their strange sex shenanigans lmao Like Julian accidentally walking in on them that one time. He literally didn't even flinch he just got what he came for and when he got back he was like "geez you think you know some people...." referring to the strange roleplay but other than that he seemed completely unfazed. Idk it's like weirdly comforting to see how casual everyone is abt it

-J-Roc's dialogue bring creative and funny AF. Who's The Microphone Assassin? is one of my favorite episodes purely because of that incredible rap at the end lmfao It Could Happen To You plays randomly in my head all day every day ☠☠

-every character having a greasy side to them. Like they're all complex in their own ways and in some episodes a character could act antagonistic while the next episode they might be the most sane character of the bunch. I just like that they're not one dimensional

-the quotable AF dialogue and iconic scenes. Even ppl who have never even heard of Trailer Park Boys know the legendary scene where Lahey says "Julian! :D" and then proceeds to drunkenly stumble down the stairs. I quote shit like "had a couple drinks, saw a couple things...." or "that's one fucking nice kitty right there" so much that it's become part of my regular vocabulary 🐈

-specific but characters re-wear their clothes which makes the show feel more realistic

-the camera work being somewhat realistic and not managing to stay perfectly still when the camera crew starts running lol

-the low quality of the first seasons. It gives the episodes a nostalgic vibe to it

-Ricky being the only one who can successfully trick the cops while when the other boys try it, it fails miserably

-Cory and Trevor <3 That's it. That's the point

-it doesn't really have anything to do with the show itself but I love how many pictures/promo material that aren't in the show are available. There's so many cool pictures or deleted scenes to find online

-ig this is up to personal interpretation but I think it's cute how awkward Julian is with his love interests. Like it's not very noticeable with Candy in season 1 but with Julian's other love interests he just acts a little strange because despite the romances he's had throughout the show he clearly struggles to act any different around his girlfriends lol I think it's really endearing -all 3 of the boys openly (in Bubbles case privately lmfao) finding Coolnow absolutely adorable

This is definitely not all of the things I love abt the show but it's still quite a few! This show means the world to me so after my dislikes list it would only be right to compile what I love abt TPB <3

#Tpb #Trailer park boys #The long awaited sequel

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beckmessering · 2 years

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ring tv series ideas!

idk if it’s an omen that most of my posts apparently involve read-more links now

1. found footage comedy where alberich and loge are roommates and fuck shit up

- basically a rheingold prequel

- loge is the one with a camera/camcorder and he also comments on everything

- mime should also be running around somewhere

- bonus points if it features the young gods & giants as side characters

- should be mainly funny but we should also receive an explanation of why alberich is the way he is in rheingold

2. very dark Whatever Happened To Wotan’s Children series

- two parallel storylines that eventually diverge into three: the twins (who are separated pretty quickly) and the valkyries

- only element of lightheartedness: the valkyries when they’re between 3 and 12 because i don’t think they can do their job yet and instead probably bother the shit out of wotan

- but once each one turns 12, she’s sent to the battlefield

- a lot of gaslighting on wotan’s part is involved that ‘this is all a fun adventure! also, your new task for life involves my orders, which you shall never disobey OR ELSE’ when it’s very clear for the viewers that it is not at all what it is

- never mind, there’s one other element of humour: fricka and the valkyries trying to get along. fricka is like a side plot: she occasionally appears because she stalks wotan (she says so herself lol) and she does not like wotan’s daughters, but they kind of grudgingly respect each other.

- whatever happens to the twins is just straight-up terrible

- there should be a lot of ~foreshadowing~

- good casting would be paramount. hollywood’s tendency to cast 27-year olds as 15-year old teenagers does not fly at all here. half the point of this tv series is that everyone is too young for what’s happening and it has to look exactly that way.

- the other point of this tv series is to show how childhood events shape your person. wotan, while one of the worst parents to ever hit the stage, does love his children in some way. except he’s also abusive. and most of his children don’t really realise that, though they’re greatly affected by it. they have reasons to love him and reasons to be afraid of him, and it’s all very complicated and confusing for everyone involved and should reflect the complexities of growing up with an sometimes-abusive, sometimes-neglectful, always-mercurial parent.

3. siegfried-and-mime tragicomedy

- tragicomedy because it’s really fcking funny to see Siegfried The Little Monster Child overpower mime from age 7 but also really tragic.

- would be an interesting way of examining the power (im)balances in a parent-child relationship

- siegfried is relentless in terrorising mime

- and mime resorts to more and more trickery to get this kid to love him. or at least, not fucking kill him

- an interesting opportunity to examine what love is, and where usefulness starts. did mime try to love siegfried initially? how does he think love works? when did mime hatch the plan that the kid needs to fetch him the ring?

- most importantly: did mime go through the same development that alberich did: he can’t get love (parental love in this case), so he’ll take power instead? how lonely was mime in his little isolated life before this monstrous kid showed up?

4. hagen-and-the-gibichungs coming-of-age series

- various people growing up at the court of the gibichungs!

- there’s gunther, growing up in the shadow of his father, but no matter what he does, he can’t seem to match what’s expected of him. everyone seems to know that he’ll be a subpar king one day, and the older he grows, the more this feeling kills him. time to tell a story of failed ambition and skirted responsibilities!

- there’s gutrune, who grows up sheltered from much of it. there’s marriage, and that’s all she can hope for, kind of, so hopefully it’ll be fine. not a very good outlook on life in the first place, so she spends much time with mental and emotional escapism.

- there’s hagen, who tells no one about his misery. his misery is his father, who visits his nightmares from when he’s ten and doesn’t let him sleep.

(- this should be legit creepy and have a horror vibe)

- hagen grows up tired. so, so tired. it makes him cold and angry and dead on the inside. his father is the only one in the whole court who calls him ‘my hero’, even if it’s just to get hagen to like him. essentially a story of a similar vein as Whatever Happened To Wotan’s Children, but with aforementioned creepy horror vibe so it feels like childhood is an active nightmare and not a subtle manipulation that only the audience perceives in full

- should be narrated by either gutrune (who could prove a remarkable amount of observation skill for someone who’s not allowed to do much in life) or hagen (if we want a really depressed narrator, who nonetheless knows more than everyone else)

- they have to be proper friends. i won’t like it if they’re not proper friends :(

#opera #richard wagner #classical music #orchestra #ring cycle #classical music meme #opera shitpost #opera memes #music

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pacifymebby · 8 months

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I get what you're talking about with the detachment thing. But I've been thinking lately, maybe happiness is kinda overrated. Or rather, we put so much pressure on it, have such high expectations... No wonder it feels like you're a failure if your life doesn't look like a supercut in a film. I think also, I've read smth about brain chemistry - happiness is not a feeling, but more like an emotional state. It shows up over a long period of time, of sometimes good days, sometimes bad, but with that undercurrent of tiny joys each day. Sometimes - not always, but sometimes - all it takes is just switching your awareness to these tiny joys. And sometimes dying your hair bright pink does the trick😂

Not sure what I'm saying here, maybe I'm just sending you a virtual hug🤍

Hi lovely, thank you for sending me this!!! Yeah I guess there's a difference between happiness which is like you say a long term thing you see over time thats like a collection of little joys (which I try so hard to look for every day haha) and like, just like a content neutral/ peace which is probably what I actually feel I'm missing. Its like every time I pull myself together and start to settle down this heavy gloom sets in out of nowhere. Its kind of like when you're just walking down the street minding your own business and the wind blows and suddenly you feel really cold. Like that comes upon me out of nowhere and just stays. Like it freezes me from the inside out and I feel like I've swallowed snow and I'm full of sadness suddenly.

I think you're right though and it does generally help me to look for the little joys. And you're right too about how are we supposed to feel happy when we're comparing our life to the supercut of a film. Like lately ive been getting so sad that I'm 25 and not at all where I wanted to be by now, I feel really held back by everything. Like for real all I want (and I mean this with the whole of my heart btw no matter how unfeminist it sounds) is to have a little house that feels like home, to be married to B, to have a wee baby and like idk, be a stay at home mum. Motherhood is my main aspiration in life and if this was the 90s I'd be financially secure enough to have all that right now but because its the 2020s and there's no fcking money anywhere I can't even live with B yet and the idea of ever getting to be a stay at home mum that home schools the wains is so far fetched and unrealistic.

And yeah, running away and starting from scratch wouldn't get me that either, but my alternate dream is to be a lonely artist living a quiet and solitary life, the mystery girl in the Tesco metro, the one who drinks flasks of tea by herself on the beach and goes home and writes books. And I know when I therapise myself the only reason I turn to this alternate dream is that I have that classic low self esteem complex where I don't think I deserve my actual dream.

Anyways sorry for ranting so much. Thank you for the virtual hug. I'm hopefully getting my nose pierced this week so maybe thats the same as dying your hair pink who knows haha

<3 <3 <3

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reincarnatedonthefirst · 9 months

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I canceled me and Derrick's lunch-park date for yesterday because I'd been too disgusted with him. He's exhausting sometimes.

We were supposed to reschedule for today. I didn't coordinate with him in advance because I really didn't care to see him at all so I tried to let the date slip through the crack. Around 8AM this morning, he messaged me to ask if I still wanted to go out to lunch. I told him I wouldn't be available until 3PM. He wrote back and said that's the time he has to be back home (probably to pick up his kid from school).

So the date was canceled but I get he feeling that he was relieved he wouldn't have to spend money on me (for lunch)! Aside from the fee he pays me for s*x, I've never asked this boy for anything! My suggesting that he take me out to lunch instead of just going to the park was my first time asking him to spend money outside of a hotel room.

I got a somewhat lackluster response from that request a few days ago and I think it's because he doesn't ever want to spend money on anything except s*x! I think I've seen the true Derrick... the cheap Derrick. 🤮 What's interesting is that when I saw him the other day, he told me that his co-workers called him cheap! So that definitely confirmed it! Yuck. I'm so disgusted.

Anyway, I think he was relieved that he didn't have to buy my lunch today (imagine that!). So, my delaying our "lunch/park" date did me evening more good because it looks like we definitely won't be seeing each other before he returns to work next week. I was kind of looking forward to seeing him but the more distance between us, the fcking better.

I'm proud of myself for drawing the line with how much time I give him. I now see him in a new light and it makes me want to open up more space in my life for more generous men. Derrick is just gross. These men really will take all they can get from your beauty and light for free. I was just so lonely this past year and a half that I was willing to give him my company (although, sex) for free... (Imma die before I do that).

#me #derrick #clients

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ineedtherapist · 2 years

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yeet.

Jotaro and Kakyoin with shy!s/o stand

Jotaro

"Yare yare daze. Fine. C'mere."

He's not one into PDA. That doesn't mean he's not good at it. I think he actually enjoy PDA and really fcking good at it, with Holly being his mother and all.

It's just he doesn't like being overwhelmed too much with it and he's in his weird emo shit phase which stem from trauma/terrible experience that I won't talk about here else it's going to be endless.

When he first met your stand, he doesn't think too much about it. "You have a stand too, cool." type of guy. Want to know and WILL know about your stand, it's ability, etc for precautions and those extra stuffs.

If you don't know better, you'll think he have zero interest in them from his lack of response and facial expressions.

Doesn't mind your stand being a shy one, he thinks it's really cute. Though he does feel annoyed sometimes which he doesn't know why either.

A bit flustered by your stand changes but like I say, he get Holly as his mom, this amount of touching is nothing he can't handle.

He'll go yare yare and tell you to cut the shit out but if you tell him it's not something you can actually control, he'll let it go or tell Star to do something whether replacing his place or hug your stand back, whichever the big guy wants.

He doesn't told you to get off that hard or anything since your stand is originally shy and realize that is a privilege he get as your s/o and it also work as a sign you being comfortable in a relationship with him.

Him letting you touch him and being touch by him is actually a privilege you get as his s/o.

Tease you a lot about this.

Secretly content with the affection but won't tell you even if he have to rip his mouth open.

Will reciprocate the touches when he have a bad day and maybe even give more.

Jotaro can cuddle all day long if he wants to.

Reject his advances and be prepared to go until weeks of him ignoring yours.

Good luck, homies

Kakyoin

"Fufu~ Where do you think you're going, sneaking up on me like that? I won't let you run away just yet. Mr. Joestar says we're free to do what we want today and I think I know how we're going to our time. Together of course.'

Kakyoin is very interested in your stand, asking about their capability, their subconscious habit and anything that he can think of to you.

He want you to talk about your stand since only a handful of ppl have stand and you can't really talk freely about it with anyone else. projecting his childhood on his s/o I- 😭

Talk about his stand too, though will stop in the middle of his rambling to apologize and ask if it's too boring. Please tell him it's not.

Tell him you aren't and he'll be over the moon, eyes sparkling and smiling like crazy.

His brain disconnected the first time your stand hug him. Genuinely bewildered by the sudden touch and freak out for a bit, asking you what's going on and if there's any problem. Your stand is usually really shy even when around him which is ngl, make him sad so this sudden action confuse him a lot.

Once you explain it to him, he calm down, face flushed like crazy and chest swelling with pride and immeasurable joy.

He similar to Jotaro see this as a privilege as your s/o and take it he's doing a good job leading the relationship.

He mean... your stand is hugging him, out of their own will and you explain that it's mean your stand is comfortable around someone if they actually initiate this phys contact session and they never do it before but is doing it now. What else this supposed to mean if that's simply not the case.

He's a lonely one okay. This guy is good in talking but he just generally terrible at anything that have to do with human contacts whether in handling it or giving it.

Hand-holding, hugging, cuddling,snuggling, all of this are not normal for him and when he try to initiate one, it feels awkward and stiff.

Take times to grow use to the affection. Once he grow used to it, he's more than welcomed towards the advances, loves it even.

You can't tell me he don't try to use his dakimakura to try and practice hugging someone.

Absolutely touch starve.

Literally melt into your stand hugs and cuddles. Doing it with you will need a bit of more practice but once you guys manage to get past that, he's the best hugger/cuddler out there anytime anywhere.

Still reserved with PDA but can initiate it w/o that much of a problem.

Won't tell you but extremely grateful to you as his s/o and for teaching him to grow used to physical touches that he always dreamed and half-scared of.

Will cuddle on a bad day, on a rainy day, at night, while playing games/watching movies, first thing in the morning, while doing hw, basically just whenever he get the chance.

If you reject him, he'll quietly sulk in the corner and ask you to cuddle with him all day long as an apology.

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i-am-adlocked · 7 years

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guys, im so relationship-deprived, i cannot... im literally just crying here cos i want to be in a healthy trusting relationship... i dont want to be alone anymore.

#personal #how da fuq do u people even get into relationships #im sooo weird. too weird. but im not just weird mentally. im weird all the time #i walk weird. act weird. laugh weird. say weird things. randomly dance when we walk. shout suddenly. not yell. just AHHH. then stop #i went to a theatre club and those guys are weird #but im still ostracised there because im too weird for them and one of the weirdest ones told me im weird a good weird but still weird #they all refer to me as the one kid theyd want to protect because i seem so YOUNG that im not MATURE that im just a KID and im like what #i go to places where i thought id fit because theyre weirdos too like HP fans or what but NOOooOOoOOo im STILL the weird one #and it's so lonely because well i just want to be loved you know? i mean ive always wanted a family cos mine sucks... but im losing hope #you can say im too young but am i really? because even if i see myself being a mom and a wife... i dont see myself as SOMEONE'S mom or wife #i dont want to be lonely anymore guys i just really dont... i wanna have friends too... i wanna have someone to rely on... not just me...#it's always just me... i always joke around and stuff and people like that... but ill always be that weird joker...#and ive always been proud of my uniqueness but sometimes... being too different is hard and fcking lonely ok... it's not even GOOD different #i just... i just want someone to make ME laugh for a change you know? i want to be loved... to be needed... to be wanted for once...#im just... im a freak you know? and dont tell me im not... freak means unusual and irrational and physically abnormal and im all those #and i dont want to say that i need love because people here will criticising me for needing something so trivial or whtevr they come up with #but i do need to be loved... im saying it but i do want and need that cheesy romantic heart-wrecking love everyone says i dont need #i just...#i dont want to be alone anymore #please

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neoraso · 4 years

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royal guard!minho

requested | some gender neutral hc for how he starts to wish he was maybe more than just a guard to you

to put things lightly, minho was the ace of your entire guard

like he was better than anyone …at everything

so originally he was on (your father) the king’s immediate guard

he was nothing but professional and saved the king too many times to count even from like stepping on rocks idk

when you turned like 17 and had to do more public appearances obv u were in a lot more danger so ur father jumped at having minho reassigned to u as the head of your personal guard “nothing but the best for his child”

the first time you met him… he only nodded or said yes or no to everything u asked him n ur jus like ok not much of a talker that’s not so bad ig haha ʕʘ‿ʘʔ

he was so quiet and “polite” for months despite you constantly trying to get something out of him

ur other guards always tried not to laugh bc if only u knew he had like two friends and was generally a pretty serious guy

but one day there was a festival in your kingdom’s central city so obv you had to make an appearance which u were very excited abt bc you only get to go into town like twice a year and THIS was one of those times

being “of age” and that much closer to taking the throne you might as well have painted a big red target on your head to signal people against the throne

everything was going fine, everyone was having fun and you decided to visit some of the booths and musicians around the square

minho was already suspicious of the situation and tightens the rest of your guard without u evenn rlly noticing but like

just as you turned to show these cute little candies to minho to maybe get a reaction for once -

the second he looks at you, someone moves to grab you but the flash of a knife in his other hand causes minho to jump immediately into action

honestly who knows what rlly happened minho moved so damn fast but the next thing you know, ur in the middle of your whole guard squad

looking through the gaps of their shoulders you see minho pinning down your assailant with a blade against his neck waiting for someone to arrest him even though he rlly wanted to just execute the guy right there

the festivities were kind of killed for u after that bc you and your family were rushed back home which u might’ve been more sad abt if u werent in so much shock :<

obv minho was the one to escort you back but like all he said was “you’re okay?” and after u dumbly nodded with wide eyes he walked with you but kept a hand around your shoulder

no one really talked after that which wasn’t unusual for him but in his mind he was rlly like

“?? ok i know its literally my job to protect this family but?? hm whyyyy do i seem to care sm more rnnn??//?” help him sdhskjd

u just looked so shaken up and disappointed and suddenly he was like damn </3 they rlly have no fun in their life and this one time they could was ruined :///

u had to stay inside for weeks after that bc it turns out there was a whole conspiracy to “eliminate” your family line so you waited in safety until the criminals were “taken care of”

minho had everything triple checked around the castle for your safety and secretly made sure you had extra treats and warm drinks sent to your room sometimes with little notes that he had the cook pretend to have sent because lately he’d heard you had trouble sleeping sometimes he’s shy boy aw

he started to realize how much he had gotten used to your smile and your little jokes and the way you sometimes tripped on the corners of rugs. and he thought maybe it was a good thing you guys didnt have many interactions lately because he was way too attached

you on the other hand, couldnt even rlly complain about having to stay inside so much bc you had everything you needed and- you knew it was for ur safety but- it wassss kind of suffocating at times

u tried sneaking out at first ((just to the garden!!)) which obviously was a bad idea bc it’s impossible to get past minhos fcking hawk eyes lmao

he STILL didnt say anything like he would just follow right behind you

n like u kinda huffed but whatever honestly at least it was just him and not 15 other guards like everyone acted like you needed

plus it was somewhat comforting to have someone so solid around even if he never talked smh

one night you sat near the little pond and tried to calm your mind by watching how the moonlight rippled in the water

you can feel him behind you so u just turn around and look at him ignoring how he was already looking at you

“would you at least sit with me?”

he kind of hesitates bc …what if someone tried to come up behind you? but with the sad look on your face he cant help but give in and sits on the stone bench at the opposite end of you

it becomes actually somewhat peaceful until you just decide to ask everything you’ve been wondering n u just blurt out-

“would it kill you to talk with me once in a while? i mean, talk like a normal person and not a machine? i dont bite i promise..”

he furrows his brow bc he’s shocked you cared at all and also he doesnt rlly know how to respond without being like “its not really in my job description to make conversation” but he honestly just thought you were being talkative out of niceties.

before he could even form a sentence you continued,

“i mean- i’m always trying to get your attention. i dont get to meet many people for obvious reasons but my guards are the closest people to me-literally, and i dont want there to be a big gap between us just because of my status..”

he cuts you off before you ramble yourself to death

“i didn’t know you were this troubled by it… i just take my job very seriously and i dont want to risk anyone’s safety for the sake of conversation”

u almost roll ur eyes but not wanting to be rude ur just like “even at home? i know you’re serious about your duties, believe me, i just… i get lonely.”

smthing inside him literally breakkkssss when you say that like u are such a pure and sweet person that deserves to have all the love and friends and fun in the world so he just gets quiet for a second and looks down

“im sorry.” he said it so softly you almost didnt hear him “i’ll be there for you more- if thats what you need. im essentially in charge of your safety and care and i’ll do anything to fulfill that responsibility.”

ok.

well this was good right? so why did you still feel unsatisfied?

“i dont want to just be a responsibility, cant we just be like friends? or…”

you cut yourself off before talking too much again

you had to admit to yourself you had developed a bit of a liking for minho, not just because he was probably the most handsome person in your kingdom, not even just because he saved your life, but he had really been a pillar of security in your life and you respected his loyalty and ambition.

he was more than admirable and everything you wanted as a standard for your kingdom

sometimes you let your mind wander to him getting on one knee and leading alongside you..

no, now youre getting sidetracked and delusional and he can practically hear the gears turning in your head so he stands up and reaches his hand out for you to grab

“of course you’re more than a responsibility to me, come on, lets go inside it’s getting cold.’

taking his hand and realizing the conversation was over, you moved to link arms instead as he walked you all the way to your bedroom door

u slept a lot better that night

from that point on you could not get rid of minho

like everyone was borderline uncomfortable with how jarring his change in attitude was

like he was constantly behind you looking right over your shoulder or grabbing your arm to stop you from bumping into things

even when he wasnt technically on duty he had taken it upon himself to give you little lessons in archery and even some defensive moves to help you protect yourself in case someone wasnt fast enough to help you

your tried not to get flustered every time he adjusted your form and the way you could feel his breath behind your ear

or the head pats when he walked you to your room at night

or his hand on your back when you guys would take walks in the garden

honestly it did not take long until one night you were sat next to your pond and after some comfortable small talk you noticed how close his face was to yours

but he noticed you didn’t pull away even as he leaned in closer and finally just kissed you

when he pulled away and saw your eyes still closed and how soft you looked his heart almost exploded

“i didnt mean to make things weird i just,, couldnt help myself, sorry”

his rushed confession pulls you out of your daze and you’re so happy (a little shocked) but you’re quick to reassure him

“it’s ok, i’ve been wanting you to do that for a while …”

he’s jus like “rlly?😳”

obviously this complicates things a lot and you aren’t really sure if you would even be allowed to have a relationship with minho bc of ur position

or if he would get in trouble for breaking the rules of attachment to u

all of this is kind of racing thru both of ur minds as you look at each other but you laugh after u both start talking at the same time

you prod him to go first so he grabs your hands and says like

“look i care about you a lot, and i know we’re not really supposed to be doing this but if i can be by your side … beyond my duties…i would really love to. but if we can’t, i can survive with just being here to protect and serve you in anyway i can”

he’s so honest and genuine and earnest it shocked u a little

even tho you were uncertain abt the situation as well you knew you had grown a little too fond and dependent on minho that you would do anything to make it work

luckily an arranged marriage was not required for you so that wasnt really the issue, but falling in love with someone not at all royal..? it was a daunting thought how the idea would be perceived

you wouldnt have said anything if you both weren’t completely sure of your feelings; but you really could not imagine being content or safe spending your life with anyone else so you mustered up the courage to ask the king and queen…

when you brought it up to your parents they looked pretty concerned

minho went on the whole “i’ll do anything to protect them and this kingdom” speech and your father just waved him off and was like

“i know u would …. i’ll allow it because there’s really no one better to represent the kingdom and because i want only the best for my child ;)”

u and minho were literally in shock but just quietly said thank u and left the room

when you had privacy he immediately pulled you in for a kiss (maybe several all over ur face)

you had a lot to figure out and many responsibilities but now you had an amazing person by your side to help you through it :.) <3

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flying-elliska · 3 years

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It’s crazy to think that one season of Evak was enough for so many fic ideas which then translated over to Elu. They’re an evak reiteration but still feel quite themselves. I wish they had their own seasons. Just a show about them lol. I look at ppl who write buddie fic and I’m like ugh you guys have many seasons of material to do anything ! 😭

i knoooooow it’s crazy because Elu (and Evak too ofc) is like, such a good couple and they love each other so much, their bond is so strong and interesting and deep but when you look at it, they don’t have that much time together on screen - especially once they get together as a couple ! It’s really frustrating, even though it’s inherent to the SKAM format (but where are those deleted scenes fcking hell). I do wish the show had been about them sometimes, also because they’re the one thing Skam France did right. I guess that’s also why we write fic, ^^

But then you have the big non-canon ships who tend to be based on canon friendships where the characters interact all the time so they have a shit ton of history, parallels, etc etc ; and you have this paradoxical thing where your non-canon ships have a lot more material to work with than the canon ones. (I honestly feel this is a thing in the larger 911 fandom, because Buddie isn’t a canon pairing but there is so much backstory and layers to their relationship whereas Tarlos, who are an actual couple, have a lot of their relationship actually happen off screen and the scenes they do have are lovely but it does feel rushed at times, which is also frustrating but maybe that’s because Lone Star hasn’t gone on for that long yet). Maybe there’s something to be said still about why non-canon queer ships are still so beloved when representation is getting better and better ; slow burns are still so rare, you know ? and a LOT of canon gay pairings are either rushed or not on screen that much. (going to take a break again and yell once more about how i want more epic gay slow burns goddamit) Plus the godtier-ness of friends to lovers when they actually take the time to become friends first for a long time instead of relying on romance clichés to build their bond and they actually LIKE EACH OTHER AS PEOPLE OMG groundbreaking.

(But i feel this doesn’t happen because when there is a gay pairing they often want to use it immediately to make a buzz about how diverse they are, whereas making two characters gay (or bi or whatever) after a long time might upset some straight people’s feelings who were projecting onto them ; i think this is why the concept of bisexuality is still upsetting for a lot of people because it’s so ‘unpredictable’ when you’re used to pigeonholing people to reassure your fragile masculinity or whatever. and the current media landscape’s obsession with segmented audiences. anyway all hail black sails kings of heterobaiting)

anyway yeah so my point is i remember this post about how people write fic because they’re missing something with canon and i feel for ships it’s either a) my pairing is not canon and i want it to be or b) they’re canon and we don’t see them enough

(or c) i’m an AU writer to the bone and i want to see these characters as greek gods or sexy mobsters or whatever the fuck but i feel that builds on the first two)

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val-bananatine · 4 years

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Anyone else here having played dragon quest 11? If so; what are your thoughts about it?

To share my own, warning: a rant incoming:

I personally am a huge fan of the dragon quest series. Started with DQ9 and got so hooked that I bought as many of the older games I could find to play through, got the remake of DQ7 - and was super excited when I heard that DQ11 was on its way (I admit: I was upset about hearing that the 3ds version was only available in Japan, but hey, didn't stop me).

When I first was asked for a review on it, I was amazed and still overly happy about finally having the time to play it after months of it laying around. I... I wasn't as deep in the story yet as I thought, and the further I played, the more I noticed some flaws that started to bother me more and more.

Now I took some time to see how other players and sites viewed it and took a look at their views - and I was a little disappointed to see that those things weren't mentioned. So I will bring them up now:

Again warning: The following will heavily focus on this aspect that I criticize. This is in no way intended to make the entire game bad, it has a lot of other features which add to the image as well. It may seem like I try to make the entire game look bad by focusing on this point, but that is not the intention. The intention lies within shedding light to this and wondering if anyone else has noticed it as well.

I was disappointed to see that the main female cast was weakly represented and that a lot of their lives and backstories revolve around men. Like yeah that can happen but it was 2017 at the release and I feel like we can give more representation than the stereotype, especially when that doesn't happen in just ONE of the female main characters, but in a lot of them (gladly, not all).

To the start of the game: Stereotypically we've got the main protagonists childhood friend who obviously seemed to have a crush on him, and later on was very focused on him. I really didn't mind that because it's just so known I just shrugged it off.

A little later we meet our first female team mates, the twins Veronica and Serena. Was I the only one who was a little weirded out that they introduced themselves (and apparently were raised with that view too) as their sole purpose being to serve and aid the hero? As the story progressed further, I honestly was pretty bothered by how their lives seemed to always have revolved around that and their future apparently only consisting of being the heros’ shield and aid. Gladly much later on in the game we found out about Veronica's life goals, it wasn't much to equal it, but I was glad to see.

It gets weird for me at Jade, the hero's "adopted sister" (Their kingdoms were super close and she explained multiple times how she felt and acts like his big sister). Her first introduction is overly focusing on s*xualizing her (who tf would give her such an outfit for a martial arts fighter anyways? This detailed boob cupping isn't protecting her chest at all), we didn't know then about that family thing. Even more bothers me everything at the Casino where she's been brainwashed by a monster into a flirty bunny girl with a heart choker and uses s*xual styled attacks, on our hero as well like flirting with him. Knowing that family lore made the fight super uncomfortable for me. There's more about what they could possibly be hinting on that happened to her, but I will not go into detail about this as it is highly triggering.

So here we've got our team... but you know what else bothered me? How some of the female villains were portrayed. The MOST disappointing by FAR was Crystalinda for me. Introduced as an incredibly powerful witch in the century of legends where even the strongest mage couldn't defeat her without help of the monsters, a woman who terrorized an entire kingdom and more with just a snap of her fingers - fcking strong and badass. You know what happened to her? They turned her into a moaning mess who lusted after the first guy that found her book. She was obsessed by thinking he's hot and wanting to be his bride, her talking was mostly accompanied by moaning. Reasoned because she was "so lonely and he was the first to talk to her again". Bro tf did you do to this badass woman?! Idc that you reason in her info box that she's a "hopeless romantic". You could have also just not added that, give us a strong villain tf who doesn't melt because one (1) man appeared.

Or the woman with the other world behind the fresco, I only know her German name now and I think I remember that it's different in English. Ruins of one of the most powerful kingdoms back then, she probably was the powerful ruler of it - and she is obsessed with being the grand villains bride. Uh-

TW: MENTION OF S**CIDE

I could also comment on the Mermaid Mishelle, whose entire point of existence was that she fell in love with a man and waited decades for him to come back; only to k*ll herself when she found out that he passed away a long while ago (I did cry though at that story, it was very emotional).

But to be fair: you've also got strong women who don't rely on that as their story. The woman who raised the hero (German name is Petra) and was loved by the whole village and was a strong woman with a strong mind, but of course was a very caring mom too.

Or the queen of the mermaids, her German name is Marina and I love it. She's strong, majestic, wise, and has her heart with her people. There do exist strong females in the more main character section, of course, but a majority is catering for men or being s*xualized in favor of them, and I think that the team could have done better on that.

Now, not all other games have done much better. In DQ5 an important plot is that one man demands to marry one of his daughters or your childhood friend in exchange for a much needed child. But I also remember characters of other games who had more personality than catering. And that's on that.

Story wise it's awesome. Being perceived as an evil by some instead of the hope as always? Hell yeah THAT is a change (my guess is that both, the term "luminary" and "dark spawn" are correct, depending on whose side you look at. Ofc the monsters would fear him and see him as evil, his point is to banish them and keep them away). Well... to Act 2 at least. I don't want to talk about Act 3, but that is a personal preference. Some may like doing everything again from an arc with some changes and a different starting situation... I absolutely hate that, because it gives me the feeling of having done everything before for nothing. And no- I don't wanna sacrifice deep friendships and understandings, redemption arcs and clearing past things up, helping some people out of misery, to get one person back, and lose everything of that in return because only I travel back to that point. And it gets way worse after that anyways.

The writing is... good. It had some of these things you see in "DON'T do that" writing advice blogs (eg awful sibling dialogue in showing how they're siblings) - but I think those flaws in some scenes only stood out to me because I dealt with these blogs just a bit before playing.

Some sites say it's "the best game of the franchise so far", do I agree with that? No. It's a moderate to good game, it has some very nice new mechanics (some which sadly don't have any practical use. Eg being able to walk freely in battles but it doesn't affect that ur getting hit no matter where you stand) and a new interesting story with good throwbacks to older, by now traditional, game settings - but the "new" here wasn't nearly impressing me as much as new things did in previous games. And there's also this flaw with having a problem in diverse and strong female main characters. This isn't to excuse the game mechanics of some of the previous games which sometimes also have a very shitty stereotype dominating (See DQ5) - but again: especially in 2017 (release of the game), where we've an uprising demand and change in better representation of women other than negative stereotypes and flat characters, I would expect a better development of the characters. At least that this problem doesn't take up a good majority.

And you know- amazing graphics (I have to give them that, that was fantastic) aren't the only requirement to be the best game of the series. In fact, graphics should play a minor role as a game can be capturing and fascinating without having the most realistic or detailed graphics. It's about the content in it. So yeah, it's an overall good game, but I wouldn't call it the best - and I really want to encourage a by far better representation on the next game. U can do better.

And yeah, it is a part of many to complete this game, but it sadly was a part that bothered me more the more I played it. Because when I first noticed that one character was bad representation, I took a closer look at the others to see if they do better, and unfortunately a lot didn’t. So please improve this next time, let us have deep female characters again who are strong and badass.

#dragon quest #dq11 #dq #review #critical review #spoilers #SUBJECTIVE review #dragon quest XI #dqXI

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fearedfully · 4 years

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a very dandy intro to dandy mott ( fc: chris wood ) from ahs: freak show!! big yikes. tw / murder, mental instability, clown mention.

where do i begin with this hot mess???

mr dandy mott is .... disturbed. and everyone who knows him knows that, but never really did anything about it because for the most part they were just like him. the way he is now is as much learned behavior it is genetic.

he just got to castle rock from florida!!! he left because he was .... drum roll pls .... bored ! he had no one left, who he didn’t

he finds genuine joy in the demise of others! it’s a hobby he has grown fond of during his lonely & isolated childhood with his mother. he literally exhausted all other pastimes and ended up here

ok so to stop beating around the bush, canonically dandy is a serial killer & mass murderer but i am switchin it up a bit. he did NOT commit mass murder. he has/does kill sometimes, just not nearly as often, or as brutally, as he did, in the show. he also doesn’t just fcking kill innocent people, his victims are BAD people & people who piss him off

short ass attention span, will throw tantrums when bored, don’t let him get bored pls. as a kid his mom often hired clowns / took him to the circus / freak show to keep him entertained. he’s a big ass baby but don’t get me wrong he is SMART. he is CRAFTY. just super delusional

his mom gives him literally anything he ever wants ever. he’s spoiled rotten & always has been. this was how his mother has shown him love because she was never affectionate or present for him.

he likes to host actual tea parties. also... he is a fcking WORDSMITH. he is very good with words n writing poetry n stuff. he also keeps a diary

VERY wealthy, can pay off authority figures to overlook his disturbing ass behaviors so he doesn’t even really ... try to cover his tracks at all

dandy doesn’t just think he’s above the law he thinks he’s literally god or the grim reaper or somethin. and everyone around him fulfills this prophecy of his by enabling the behavior ok.

his catchphrase is sceaming, “I HATE YOU,” about 14 times at the top of his lungs

find some more info about him here (eventully)!

#castle.intro #why woud u want to plot with him?#i'll tell u why #because i asked nicely #pleas #clown tw #murder tw

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yooncuffs · 5 years

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I’m 19. So young and yet too old.

I’m currently at this point in my life where everybody I know expects me to be at uni, studying focusing on school, getting a degree.

But I am not.

Whenever I talk about my worries, people usually either laugh at me jokingly, scoff at me, or furroe they brows whenever I say “I think my life is headed nowhere.” after I say something like that they would often say “But you’re still way too young to worry.” I know, okay.

But that’s not the case.

Yes I am young, yes I have more years ahead of me but it isn’t that easy to build yourself from nothing and to accept this reality of series hardships called life. Honestly I am forced into a situation where I needed to grow up and be there for myself when my mother died.

But I never did actually learned to stand on my own.

Instead I just learned to set aside ny feelings and emotions and just bottle them up. Because that’s how growing up was depicted around me. “You need to toughen up.”, “You’re own your own now, so stop being so emotional.”, “Those tears won’t get you anywhere.” , “There’s nothing you can do about *this* certain situation so get pass it.” those were the usual words I heard from people around me whom today disappeared and couldn’t care any less.

You might be wondering, but she must have her father with her right? Yes, yes I actually do. But the thing is my father and I had this weird relationship since I really didn’t grew up with him, he worked abroad all my life almost and just turn up like 3 years ago after my mother died and after he had been layed off from his job. And so we never really gotten any close or talked about emotions and stuff and all these things you probably talk about your parents with.

I swear when you have the chance and opportunity PLEASE DO TALK TO YOUR PARENTS, because it’s all I ever wanted but couldn’t. Don’t get me wrong I tried. I told my father that I think I’m depressed *without diagnosis yet* and I told him that maybe I should have myself checked.

YES FOLKS I WANTED TO GARNER ALL THE HELP I CAN GET BECAUSE I KNOW I AM NOT OKAY —I WAS NOT OKAY I HAVE ALWAYS HAD THESE REOCURRING THOUGHTS OF SADNESS,LONELINESS, SUICIDE and over all PESSIMISM.

But you know what he had just replied to me? “It’s all in your head.” —oof. When he said that I didn’t want to take it by heart because maybe he didn’t mean it or maybe people his age doesn’t really understand mental health as much as our generation do, because of the stuff we get through and suffer from.

So I let it pass.

My days aren’t always sad, lonely or dark. Some days I ALMOST THOUGHT I am FINALLY FINE AND BETTER. But some days like today I just feel like genuine shit. And the more I look at myself physically, my state in life, my current situation the more I sulk and just crawl back to this dark place.

HONESTLY, I will tell you this. I rarely go out of the house and interact most of my interactions are online and some at work but most are shallow *I think?* Also I am not doing anything almost literally.

I know it’s a bad habit, but the FACT THAT I CAN’T PUSH MYSELF TO DO ANYTHING and I KNOW IT IS JUST—-like how? What do I do, I try my best to find things to cheer up. I really do you don’t even know. I stan BTS, other kpop groups, try and chat with users online find friends, sometimes I try to go out and eat with a real life friend. I watch countless funny videos. I cuddle with my cats, sleep, I edit photos/videos.

But nothing seem to fill in this gaping hole I have.

NOTHING. LASTS.

It’s easier really to just hope that when I close my eyes I won’t wake-up because honestly that’s what I want a painless death.

Because a year ago I tried to hurt myself, but I couldn’t do it. I just can’t the thought just always comes up but the worst I did was just a few cuts not even that deep.

Okay, when I said earlier I have no tears left to cry, now I take that back because I know every time I walk this earth I’m always on the verge if crying and breaking down.

But I always try to hold it up, suck it up and just “TRY” to be strong.

I am so bad at many things and good at abosolutely nothing.

1. I love to write but I have never finished anything.

2. I love editing photos/videos but I don’t think it’s that remarkable to be noticed.

3. I love music but have never really did anything to learn it or be good at it.

4. I love anything related to art but then again I never really did anything to learn it or be good at it.

5. I start to do something (in general) and I don’t ever finish it.

6. I give up easily.

7. I’m not smart/ nor I have a remarkable talent(so applying for a scholarship will never be possible for me)

8. I have tried getting into theater/student govt/cheer dancing/dancing/marching band —but I gave them all up and prioritized a person instead. =BIGGEST FCKING MISTAKE.

——I could go on and on about stuff I’m bad at or hate about myself. And there’s nothing good I can basically say about me NOTHING not even how I look. Especially that I hate everything about me physically.

I feel such a fake fan/ARMY for not incorporating the Boys’ motto—Love yourself. But how can I bring myself to do so? When I’m such a mess, such a wreck.

I just. What do I —-

This post is just all the place my thoughts are just clouded I can’t.

Hmmm.

So yeah I’m 19, probably depressed but not yet clinically diagnosed. I hate myself, I have a work instead of going to school. I walk this earth questioning my existence I have I think 1-2 real friends or maybe even none. I’m not close with my father or other family members I am broke af literally FILIPINO POVERTY BROKE. I have so many abitious goals and dreams: BUT DID I EVER DO ANYTHING ABOUT THEM? Oh bitch I’m such a disappointment.

If this isn’t enough to say FML then I don’t know what is.

—-if youdo feel the same way, or anything similar or worse please do seek help, or try your best to fight it.

I try to. I want to.

Is it too much to ask for?

I just wanna be normal, I want to be okay. To actually be OKAY.

(I AM CONTEMPLATING ON POSTING THIS BECAUSE I SOUND LIKE A LITTLE WHINY BITCH BUT IF YOU DO SEE THIS POST I MUST HAVE JUST CLICKED IT AND SAIS FCK IT AND IS NOW CRYING ON THE FLOOR STILL REGRETTING WHY I’M ALIVE AND ASKING THE UNIVERSE WHAT’D I DO TO DESERVE THIS BULLSHIT)

~bye

#sorry for the rant #dont mind me #please #kill me i guess?#what to do with life #how does life work #asking help again #but please do send help #i just wanna cry #ugh i hate me

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magilitness · 6 years

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just jumbled thoughts as usual

Sometimes I wonder whether I truly love someone or was it just hormonal. I can’t differentiate it because I am always in denial. I deny my thoughts whenever my heart racing like crazy whenever he is near me, whenever he laugh and have an eye contact with me. I don’t know was it love or could it be that I was just being hormonal? I try as much as possible to be neutral around him like I used to when he wasn’t single. I’ve read somewhere that the first attraction from a person is availability. I try so hard to not control my smile or laugh when I’m around him because I wanted to convince myself that he would just see me as a friend, nothing more. Isn’t it better to be in love secretly rather than being vulnerable and tell the world about how you feel towards someone?

Sometimes, I also wonder what if you fall in love again with someone after your marriage? Marriage is a gamble, my mom said that. You would never know whether he is the right one or not and you might regret later but what else can you do? One thing I know about my heart is that it will only fit one special guy. But, I don’t know when will someone I like will like me back. Maybe yes, I should have more confidence in myself. Maybe confidence is an attraction that I don’t own.

Okay, let me be clear about one thing. If I befriend with a guy, it was because I purely wanted to be his friend but in case for this guy, he is just fcking perfect. He is someone that I want to have in my life. His personality and attitude towards things are just something that I wish I can learn from. It’s just unfortunate because there are so many things that would hinder my imagination from coming real. Maybe, it’s better to keep the feeling as a secret crime, maybe I would still learn from him that way. The things that I feel might just be hormonal. I don’t know what’s love anymore. Maybe because I don’t really have it in me. I need to know myself, to love myself so that I can speak up for myself. Also for me to know and differentiate between imaginary love and real love. Between the thin line of friendship between a male and a female to whatever the society categorised what a male and female should be in a relationship. I need to say this out loud so that it would sound sane in my mind and by saying it out loud, means writing for me. I need to put this somewhere out there for me to know that I am doing a vulnerable thing like putting up myself to the public even though this blog is only known to my close friends. A person said that she adore me because of my bravery but I don’t feel the same. The truth is, I am a coward of my own life. I am a big loser. Sometimes I feel like I need people to listen to me and do what I wanted them to do because sometimes I feel like people do not take me seriously. There is always something wrong with me whenever I’m being hyped, it’s either my behaviour is too annoying or my voice is just too high pitch that I sound like a child instead of a mature adult who supposedly can control herself in public or whatever maturity really means. Ugh, sucks.

Everything sucks in adulthood. Now I am not really sure why exactly I feel excited 10 years ago, to enter adulthood, to live on my own blabla. Is everyone like me? Immature, naive thinking. No, certainly not. There are people who got matured since their teenage years, or even before that.

As I got older, I know that I have not tried so many things, have not visited so many places and not experiencing a good love life as what I have always imagined during my younger years. I have read somewhere that love when you’re ready, not when you feel lonely. Not until you are comfortable to be alone can you have someone in your life to fill the void that you think comes with physical fulfilment. I think I am too comfortable to be alone now that I think having someone by my side would be a trouble for me, even though, initially, I think my soul needs to be loved by someone and I need to love someone unconditionally. I enjoy watching movies in the cinema alone, go to eat at the restaurant alone, I know that I am enjoying my life even though I don’t have someone to accompany me. I know that I am capable of making myself feel happy without someone who calls me his. There are times when I feel like I do not want to get married. For some people, marriage is just a legal contract between two persons who promise to leave their wealth to the other person when they die. I don’t share that idea of marriage but I do think that marriage is for committed people. Forget the case where people got into arranged marriage, I’m talking about the marriage that two genuine person who meet each other in their 20s or 30s and in love enough that they choose to promise each other to be loyal and truthful to each other to get into a legal relationship called marriage. If I can give a definition not one that’s defined by my religion, I would call it ultimate decision in life that someone has to make. Anyway, now that I write about these things, I feel a tremendous feeling that actually I think I am alright being like this. Although I do like him. I should not expect that he will like me back for whatever reason he has, right? Why would I spend the time to think about how should I change to be more attractive to just attract the attention of this one person. As long as I am happy with the quality that I have, I think I’ll be fine. It does not mean that I don’t have something in me that I want to improve, it’s just I think, maybe if I being satisfied with the things that are not in my control,i.e: the person you like to like you back, I’ll be happier. Having a bf is not everything either so I should not worry about it. When the time comes, he will appear in front of me LOL okay, I shall not expect anything about this matter because I might be disappointed later.

Jodoh is His mystery. I shall let myself be surprised and shall not be wondering about it. When the time is right, anything can happen. I hope for the best. May the odds forever in my favor.

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