❝ THAT’S THAT ME, ESPRESSO ❞
MASTERLIST!
pairing . . . charles leclerc x reader
◦∘。゚. request . . . “hii !!! i love the new sabrina carpenter song (esspresso) and was wonderimg if you could do a smau with charles x reader based off it !!”
◦∘。゚. summary . . . the internet can’t believe you two know each other, let alone fancy the other.
◦∘。゚. note . . . back from my fic making slump!!! i hope yall like this because i actually had fun writing this soooo… happy reading everyone 💙 (also pls don’t ask for pt2 because i don’t usually make them or enjoy doing so)
liked by charles_leclerc, maudeapatow and 1,724,865 others
yourusername you can keep thinking about me every night even more because espresso is out everywhere now!!!! ☕️🤎
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ynfan1 MOTHER IS MOTHERING
ynfan2 can’t wait for ynchella
⤷ ynfan3 oh she’s gonna eat everyone uppp
charlesfan1 what is charles doing here🤨
ynfan4 if y/n was my gf best believe i’d never stop thinking about her
charlesfan2 charles liking… i have a theory but i fear i’ll get bashed for it
charlesfan3 charles is so real for being a y/n fan
⤷ ynfan5 who’s charles???
⤷ charlesfan3 f1 driver! and apparently likes y/n cause he liked this and doesn’t even follow her😭
ynfan6 this song SLAPS
ynfan7 she just releases banger after banger after banger!!!
charlesfan4 bye why did charles like this
ynfan8 huge HUGE slay
charlesfan5 charles i get you sweetie
charles_leclerc updated their instagram stories!
charlesfan21 responded to your story!
charlesfan21 BYEEEE THIS IS SO UNSERIOUS
charlesfan22 responded to your story!
charlesfan22 you’re not slick this song is obviously about you!!!!!!
ynfan21 responded to your story!
ynfan21 spreading the y/n agenda iktr 😌
charlesfan23 responded to your story!
charlesfan23 that performance had you SHOOK
ynfan22 responded to your story!
ynfan22 i just KNOW it was you she was smiling at
liked by ynfan31, ynfan32 and 62,904 others
ynupdates y/n at bleachers’ coachella set with f1 driver, charles leclerc!
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ynupdates guys i was so chill in the caption but i can assure you i am freaking out too😭
⤷ ynupdates WTF IS HAPPENING ACTUALLY
ynfan33 my brain cannot comprehend this
charlesfan31 nah this can’t be real
charlesfan32 oh im so sick
charlesfan33 he shot his shot and SCORED
⤷ ynfan34 how did he bag my womannn😩
⤷ charlesfan34 that’s HIS woman now i’m afraid
ynfan35 they could be so cute together
liked by tinistoessel, tayrussell and 2,058,439 others
yourusername coachella weekend one you’ll forever be in my heart 🩶 thank you to everyone who made this possible and to everyone who came to see me, you made this experience even more incredible!!!! can’t wait for next weekenddd
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charles_leclerc Amazing perfomance 😊❤️
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⤷ charlesfan41 boy if you don’t get off the floor…
⤷ ynfan41 oh you are down BAD too
ynfan42 she slayed so hard
ynfan43 should’ve headlined tbh
charlesfan42 charles you better spill your secrets
⤷ charlesfan43 we need pierregasly to tell us the tea
ynfan44 nobody is doing it like her
ynfan45 babes what are you doing with that vroom vroom guy
charlesfan44 WE ARE IN SHAMBLES SOMEONE DO SOMETHING
ynfan46 did i just lose my wife
⤷ charlesfan45 just lost my husband too…
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a cute prompt [i hope] reader's been teaching at abbott for over a year now, usually commute or in rare occasions, drive in her car, but now, goes to the school riding bicycle saying it reduces carbon footprint, saves her from expenses and as an exercise. But she just really love bikes, Jacob joined with this, next day he arrived at school riding a bike, then Janine and Gregory. Barb, tho was always dropped off by Ger with their car, rode it the bike during break for fun. Abbott staff decided to have a biking get together next weekend, Melissa initially declined but later on agreed because of Jacob's teasing that she's a schemmenti and doesn't know how to ride a bike [unfortunately, it's true] also, she secretly enjoy seeing you biking. They meet up in the park, with their bikes and decided it's time to go around the area. Melissa, embarrassed, said maybe she wouldn't go that far and maybe wait for them. So the crew didn't argue and left, r stayed. When the staff is out of the earshot and sight of the she beamed and said she'll teach Mel how to ride a bike. Melissa, being flustered and a stuttering mess still acted offensive about the *assumption* of her not knowing how to ride. R gave her a look and agreed to teach her. This is long, but I don't know. I feel like I'm always rambling lololol
Anon, ramble all you want. I don’t mind detailed prompts. And honestly when my ADHD meds wear off, I’m like Spotify, where I do the whole playlist and then recommended. Like I literally don’t shut up lol. Tbh they wore off 3 hours ago lol. So I went a little off just a bit, I didn’t make Melissa flustered until she was being taught instead of flustered before. And it was cute, it really was! Anyway, a little smut at the end but it’s really cute and funny. Not edited in the slightest and I hope you like it!
On another note: I’m accepting Melissa Schemmenti, Chessy and Marilyn Thornhill prompts. So send them! I do currently have 9 that I still need to do but I’ll get to all of them!
Side note: for the gif I was literally watching her eat a tomato for 5 minutes…ok I’ll shut up now.
Teaching You
Warnings: 😏, fluff, sweet praise(non sexual praise), small injury part for Mel
Words: 4.3k
It’s spring time and the weather is finally warm enough for you to bike to work again. You get your helmet on, sling your backpack on and put your coffee mug in the water bottle holder. You unlock your bike from the lock wrapped around your bike and the bike rack in your apartment building and bring your bike outside. You kick up the kickstand and get on your bike, you check your helmet one more time and the little bell on your bike, then you take off.
You have a smile on your face as you’re happily biking to work on the busy Philly streets. You’ve always loved biking, your family are all big on biking and so are you, just something about it that you enjoy. You stop at a red light about a block away from the school and Melissa ends up pulling up to the light as well. You both end up seeing each other and you wave at her with a big smile then the light turns green. Melissa drives off with a smile and a shake of her head.
Once you pull up, you see Melissa parked and leaning on the brick wall of the school next to the bike rack. You pull up near the rack on your bike and get off and lock your bike.
“Hey hon.” She tells you with a smile and you look up at her after locking your bike.
“Hey Mel.” You tell her and then the trio is walking up to the school.
“Y/n did you ride a bike to school?” Jacob asks and you nod. You don’t really want to tell them how much you enjoy riding a bike, afraid they’ll make fun of you. This is your second year at Abbott but no one has seen you ride a bike before.
“Ya I did, it’s great exercise and helps saves the planet a bit.” You tell them and they all smile.
“Great idea.” Jacob tells you and you all walk in together. You and Melissa walk together with the trio trailing along behind you two.
Melissa tells you a joke and you laugh and playfully shove her gently with your shoulder and she does it back to you. The trio behind you smiling at the scene in front of them. You all enter the break and see Barb there on her phone, with Mr Johnson mopping the floor across the room.
“You guys all got here at the same time?” Barb asks all of you.
“More or less.” Melissa says.
“Y/n rode here on a bike this morning.” Janine says and Barb looks at you and smiles.
“Did you, dear?” She says and you nod. “How lovely.” She tells you and you smile.
After school you lock up your classroom, holding your helmet and start to walk out. Melissa ends up locking her classroom when you walk by and she joins you.
“Hey hon.” She tells you as she’s putting her phone in her purse and walking beside you.
“Hey Mel.” You tell her casually.
“So any plans for the weekend?” She asks you and mentally facepalms. It’s Monday, the weekend just happened.
“I don’t know, maybe some plans will come up but at the moment I’m free. You?” You ask her and she’s thankful you didn’t question why she asked you about weekend plans on a Monday.
“Nah, nothing yet.” She says to you and you end up at the bike rack. You put your helmet on and unlock your bike and put the lock in your bag.
“I can’t believe we didn’t know you rode a bike to school and it’s been over a year and a half.” She tells you and you look up at her and smile.
“Well I don’t do it in the winter, you guys just never saw me bike and I don’t really talk about it since it’s normal for me.” You tell her and kick up the kickstand and get on.
“Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow then?” She asks you and you nod.
“Yep, see ya tomorrow.” You tell her and you pedal off. Melissa watches you bike off and she smiles, she already thinks you’re cute, but seeing you happy on a bike warms her heart. She walks to her car with a smile.
The next day it seemed that Jacob decided to also ride a bike to school and you smile as you see him pull up to the rack as you’re locking yours.
“Hey hon, and Jacob.” Melissa says, confused when seeing Jacob as well.
“Hey Mel.” You tell her. “It seems Jacob also decided to bike to school.” You tell her excitedly.
“Well like you said, good exercise and good for the environment.” Jacob says with a shrug.
You all walk in the school, you and Melissa chatting and joking around. When you walk in the break room, Jacob joins Janine and Gregory and Melissa joins Barb. You on the other hand just drop your lunch off and get a coffee then you start to walk off when Melissa stops you.
“Hey hon, why don’t you ever stay?” She asks you and you look at her and realise that they’re all looking at you.
“Oh um, well I guess because you already have your groups of people to hang out with and I don’t want to intrude on that.” You tell her and they all look at you sadly. “It’s alright, I’ll find my own group of people.” You tell them and then walk out before anyone can say anything. Unknown to you, Melissa looks at where you were standing with a shocked and a bit upset face.
You don’t run into anyone after school as one of the parents was late to pick up their kid, apologies flowing out of their mouth and you wave them off saying it’s alright.
The next day it seemed you started a trend as Janine and Gregory also decided to bike to work.
“It’s so much fun to bike!” Janine says excitedly after getting off her bike. You all lock up your bikes and head into the school. You arrive at the break room and you go to put your lunch in the fridge and make your coffee. You go to walk out but Melissa stops you again.
“Hey hon, come sit down here.” She tells you and points to the empty chair at their table. You look at her a bit shocked. Your crush just invited you to sit with her and you blush. You then mentally facepalm as you realise you sound like a high school girl with a crush. You do end up sitting down with her and Barb and you have a nice morning.
At lunch, Barb asks if she can try out one of the bikes for fun. To which you accept and she has a lot of fun biking around the parking lot. All of you are sitting outside having lunch watching Barb bike around.
“Maybe we should get together this weekend and do a little bike ride together.” Janine suggests and you look surprised.
“Really?” You ask her and she nods.
“I’m down.” Jacob says immediately.
“Ya me too.” Gregory says.
“Ya I would love too.” You tell them.
“I wouldn’t mind joining as well.” Barb says and then you all turn to Melissa who’s sitting beside you.
“What?” She asks.
“Do you want to join us on a bike ride together this weekend?” Janine says to her.
“Nah I’m good.” She tells you all.
“Why not?” Jacob asks and she shrugs.
“Cause I don’t wanna.” She tells him.
“Is it because you’re such a tough Schemmenti and you don’t know how?” Jacob says a bit to tease her playfully and doesn’t know that he’s actually right.
“I know how to ride a bike!” She tells him defensively.
“Ok then prove it. Join us this weekend.” He challenges her.
“Fine, what’s the time and place?” She asks and you all settle on Saturday at noon at the park since there’s a lot of bike paths there. You give her a bit of a weird look as she was pretty defensive but you don’t ask her about it.
Melissa keeps watching you bike away after school with a smile on her face.
Saturday at noon, you all show up with your bikes at the park. Melissa is the last to show up.
“Hey hon.” She tells you once she sees you and you turn around to face her with a smile.
“Hey Mel!” You tell her and beam.
“Alright so we should decide on a path and the distance.” Barb says and you all nod and settle on one after a few minutes.
Mel looks a bit worried when you turn to look at her. “You ok?” You ask her and she looks at you, everyone looks over at Melissa as well.
“Ya I’m fine, just I probably shouldn’t go that far. Don’t want to sprain something and then can’t walk for a few days.” She tells them all. “I think I’ll sit this one out.” She tells them and when they go to question her, she gives a glare and they all shut up.
They decide to just bike off without Melissa, except you. You hang back and Melissa looks at you with a quirked eyebrow. You look and see that everyone is just about out of sight and you look back towards Melissa.
“Shouldn’t you be biking alongside them?” She asks while still holding on to the bike.
“Maybe, but I’d rather stay here and help you learn how to ride it.” You tell her with a friendly smile. She looks at you confused.
“I already told all of youse that I know how to ride a bike, I just don’t wanna.” She says defensively again.
“Ok then prove it, use the kickstand.” You tell her and she looks at you confused.
“Kickstand?” She asks and you look at her with a knowing glance and you nod. Melissa looks at her bike, searching for what you could possibly mean.
“Mel…” you tell her and she looks at you as you get off your bike and you kick out the kickstand and let go of your bike. Melissa sees what you do and does the same thing then looks at you with a proud smile. It falls when she sees your face, you’re looking at her a bit sad.
“Did no one teach you how to ride a bike?” You ask her and she looks down at the ground, embarrassed.
“No, they didn’t.” She admits and you walk over to her.
“It’s ok to admit you know, I’m not going to judge you.” You tell her and she looks up at you. “If you want to learn then I can teach you.” You offer again and this time she smiles and accepts. You lock your bike up nearby and then you go back to Melissa. You show her how to sit on it properly and show her how to be when not in motion. Then you tell her how to ride. “It’s mostly about balance, like skating or balancing on one leg.” You tell her. “There’s a reason that the expression ‘just like riding a bike’ is so commonly used for stuff that you know how to do but it’s been awhile. It’s pretty straightforward.” You tell her and then you get off and tell her to try it.
You held on the bike with part of a handle and the seat the whole time so it wouldn’t fall over. Melissa got on just like you showed her and had one foot on the ground while still on the bike when she won’t be in motion just like you showed her and she looked at you for praise with a smile. You gave her a proud smile and a thumbs up and she beamed.
“Now here comes the tricky part, balancing yourself while pedalling. Now I’ll hold on the bike like I’ve been doing and you’re going to pedal ok?” You tell her and she nods. She then blushes when she realises that your hand keeps accidentally touching her butt and missed when you told her to pedal.
“Sorry what?” She asked when she sees you looking at her weirdly.
“I said you can start pedalling.” You tell her and she looks embarrassed then goes to try and start pedalling. She pedals slowly and crookedly and you manage to keep up with her to keep the bike up. “You’re doing it Mel, you’re biking!” You tell her and she has a huge smile. “Do you want me to let go and try and bike by yourself?” You ask and she widens her eyes.
“Uh no, I’m still trying to focus on pedalling and not balance.” She tells you and you smile.
“It’s alright, it’s at your pace.” You tell her without judgement.
You guys take a short break, mostly so you don’t tire yourself out.
“You’re learning it Mel, I bet by the end of today, you’ll be biking circles around all of us.” You tell her and she blushes and looks at the ground with a smile.
Turns out the first time you let go, she noticed how your hand touched hers on the handle and your other hand touched her butt and she lost focus and fell.
You ran to her and luckily she fell on grass. “You ok Mel?” You asked her and she looked embarrassed and had a pout. “Hey it’s ok. Most people fall the first person they try to pedal on their own.” You tell her. “I did.” You say and she looks at you.
“You did?”
“Ya, and I mastered pedalling by then. They took the training wheels off, I go to pedal, and fell right over.” You say with a laugh and she giggles. You then help her up and she blushes at the fact that you’re touching her. You on the other hand think her pink cheeks are embarrassment from falling. “Want to try again?” You ask her and she thinks, your hands still on her.
“I um, I don’t know.” She says, she can’t think properly with your hands on her.
“It’s ok if you don’t want to continue but I don’t want you to get discouraged because you fell on your first attempt.” You tell her genuinely. She decides to give it another try, and on the fifth attempt she was doing it. You were so proud of her. You ran after her and yelling “MELISSA LOOK YOU’RE DOING IT! OMG I’M SO PROUD OF YOU!” You yell as she’s going faster than you’re running. Melissa got flustered that you said you were proud of her and lost focus and fell.
You caught up to her and she fell on the pavement this time and scraped her hands. You kneeled down as soon as you caught up to her and took her hands in yours to inspect them.
“Oh they don’t look too too bad. But I think you should clean it to avoid infections.” You told her and she was looking at you with flushed cheeks. “What?” You asked her and you gently dropped her hands.
“N-nothing.” She said.
“Um ok.” You say confused. “But Melissa you did it! You rode a bike!” You excitedly told her and hugged her and Melissa froze. You pulled away and saw she looked tense. “Oh sorry, I should have asked to hug you. I’m just very proud of you.” You tell her.
“It’s alright, the hug was actually nice. I’m just not used to physical touch.” She says and looks down.
“I’m sorry.” You tell her and she looks up and gives a smile and whispers to you.
“I rode a bike.” She whispers excitedly and you smile.
“Ya you did. How about we go to my place and I can take a look at your hands and clean them. Unless you want to go back to your place and do it.” You said.
“Um, we could, um go back to yours.” She says, stuttering a bit and you nod.
You manage to get both your bikes in her car, somehow. You biked to the park since it’s only 15 minutes of bike riding away from your house. And you get back to your place and bring Melissa to your apartment. You get her to sit on the couch while you get cloths, a bowl of warm water, disinfectant and some bandaids. You bring them all to your coffee table and get her to hold your hands out. Looks like they were bleeding a bit.
You take one of the cloths and dip it in the water and then you wipe the scrapes on her hands. Once the bleeding stopped and the scrapes looked clean, you grabbed the disinfectant. “This might sting a bit.” You tell her and she nods. You put some on a clothe and wiped her hands. She did flinch a bit but other than that she seemed to be alright. You put a couple bandaids on her scrapes, where it was bleeding, and it looked alright. “Alright did you get hurt anywhere else and Melissa looked at you.
“Um nope.” She told you she avoided eye contact.
“Melissa…” You said and gave her a pointed look.
“I’m fine.” She said. You sat up a bit and adjusted your position on the couch so you’re on one knee.
“Melissa, where else does it hurt?” You asked and she crossed her arms and pouted. “Ok, if you’re gonna act like a child then I’ll treat you like one.” You told her and she looked at you and gasped in disbelief. “Either show me where it hurts or I’ll treat you like a child.”
“It’s one of my knees but I can’t roll up my pants to show you.” She tells you and you look at her with a “oh”.
“Well here.” You say and take the blanket on the end of the couch and cover her top part of the legs. You can take your pants off and still keep your modesty.” You tell her and she chuckles, she still takes her pants off and you see blood dripping down her right leg. “We should have made you wear elbow and knee pads.” You tell her and you get on your knees on the floor and get to cleaning her knee. Melissa sees you get on your knees in front of her and some fantasies make their way to her mind and she blushes. You look up and see her flushed face. “You ok?” You ask and she nods.
“Yep.” She says, voice a bit high pitched but you ignore it. You finish up with a bandaid on her knee. Just when she thinks it’s over, it isn’t.
“Oh I almost forgot!” You exclaim and hold your hair where it is, then bend down and give her a kiss on the knee next to where the bandaid is. She felt your lips on her knee and she blushed even more. “A kiss to make it better! Want me to do the same with your hands?” You asked her and she held out her hands. You kissed both of them better and her cheeks have turned from a pink to a red. You look up at her again and see her red cheeks. “Are you sure you’re ok? Are you running a fever?” You ask and feel her forehead with your palm. Oh if only you knew what you do to her. “You feel fine. I hope you’re not embarrassed, cause you don’t have to be.” You tell her and rest your forearms on her legs.
“Ya I’m…fine.” She said and give her a questioning look. “What?” She asked.
“Melissa? Are you hiding something from me?” You ask her and she avoids eye contact. “What are you hiding from me?” You ask her and you get up and bend over to rest your hands on her legs. And Melissa has a perfect view of down your shirt. She really has to focus on where her eyes look right now.” You notice how she stared at you, well more specifically down your shirt and her cheeks got even redder and avoided eye contact even more. You see how she keeps glancing at your hands near her thighs and she doesn’t know what to do. You decide to test a theory and move your hands subtly up her legs, near to that spot in between her legs and her breath hitches and her face feels like it could be on fire. You lean into her more and look at her eyes. “Melissa, something you’re not telling me?” You ask her with a slightly lower pitch voice and she’s breathing deeply right now. Just when you’re about to pull away, she grabs the back of your head and pulls you forward and gives you a kiss.
You’re stunned for a second but then kiss her back and Melissa is stunned. You’re kissing her back? She pulls back and looks at you and you’re smiling at her with soft heart eyes. “Do you like me back?” She asks you and you nod.
“Wait, does that mean you like me?” You ask her and she nods. And before you know it, both of you are surging forward and kissing each other. You end up straddling her lap and she deepens the kiss by slipping her tongue in when you grant access. Her hands roam all over from your chest to your knees. She feels so much of you and yet can’t feel enough of you. She tests the waters and puts her hands under your shirt and feels the skin on the side of your stomach and you don’t stop her. She roams her hands up and you two take a second to breathe before making out again. She continues to move her hands up and feels you smile. So you realise she’s moving her hands up and you’re happy about it. Does that mean she has your approval to unclip your bra? Just as she finishes that thought you unclip your own bra and she smiles. Just as she was about to go and touch your breasts, her phone rings loudly and it startles both of you.
“Hello?” Melissa answers and forgot to see who it was. She’s breathing a bit fast and you can see she’s trying to control it. So of course you decide to be a little shit and dive to her neck. “Oh Barb hi-i” she squeaks the last part out a bit as you decide to suck on her neck.
“Are you ok?” Barb says on the other line.
“Ya I’m fine, why?” Melissa says and tries to get you to stop but ends up holding your hair and letting you continue as it feels good.
“You sound breathless and like something surprised you.” Barb says gently and Melissa can’t think for a second as you removed your shirt and bra at the same time and she just stares. All she can think about is wanting to suck them. You begin grinding her leg and you nod your head to the phone and she suddenly remembered Barb asked her a question.
“Ya I’m fine just ya catching my breath, I ended up biking with y- y/n to her place since it’s like 20 minutes… instead of the-the 2 hour one you wanted to do. We just got back and I’m… catching mmmy breathe.” She stutters throughout the entire sentence as she just feels and sees you grinding her leg and you ended up leaning towards her so your breasts are almost in her face. You were torturing her and she knew it.
“You need to catch your breath after a 20 minute bike ride?” Barb asks and Melissa is really cursing in her head.
You decide to end her torture and grab the phone from her. “Hey Barb it’s y/n.” You say and Melissa decides to grab your breasts with her mouth and you pull the phone away from your mouth enough so that Barb doesn’t hear it.
“Oh hi y/n, is Melissa ok?” Barb asks.
“Mmhhmm.” You say since Melissa is teasing you now. “She’s alright, just she did 20 minutes to my place then 20 minutes back to her ca! Car.” You say as Melissa decides to rub your clit through your underwear and pants. “Ya so she’s fine.” You blurt out and hand the phone back to Melissa.
“Hey Barb, I caught my breath.” And Melissa is still rubbing your clit so you can’t tease her right now. You don’t pay attention to what Barb says and then hear Melissa talk again. “Ok, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” Melissa says then hangs up. “You.
Little. Minx.” She says to you and you smile. She rolls her eyes at you then pulls her hand away from your clit and you whine. She sits up with you still on her, your legs wrapped around her waist and her hand grabbing your ass. She brings you to your bed with you sucking her neck and then drops you on the bed.
“Ah.” You say as she actually dropped you on purpose. She crawls on top of you and leans in to your ear.
“You were a great teacher with me for biking. Now let me show you how I pleasure a woman.” She tells you and you shiver and rub your thighs together. She notices how you react and she smirks, she pulls back and looks at you. “And when I teach, I like for the person to tell me how well I’m doing.” She tells you and then takes her shirt and bra off and then makes you breathless all night.
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Okay, here we go. Rating literary allusions in Taylor Swift songs:
The Outside: "I tried to take the road less traveled by /but nothing seems to work the first few times/am I right?"--Starting off pretty well! She tried to take the road less traveled by, but it didn't make any difference. 8/10
Love Story: Whole song allusion to Romeo and Juliet-- All those 2008 jokes about Taylor not having read R&J weren't funny then and they aren't funny now. It's a fun, satisfying subversion. However, I am going to dock points for the fact that Romeo and Juliet aren't a prince and princess, just rich. 7/10
Love Story: "You were Romeo/I was a scarlet letter"--Is the Juliet character in "Love Story" being publicly shamed? Did she do something scandalous? There are zero other lines in this song to suggest that she did, and a fair amount of evidence that she didn't. This allusion confuses rather than clarifies and tbh this is the one people should've made fun of in 2008. 2/10
New Romantics: "We show off our different scarlet letters/ trust me, mine is better" --Hooray! She figured out what the book is about! This is a beautifully executed allusion, where "scarlet letters" represents a mark of something shameful which, in a fun subversion, is being shown off with pride. Fits the song really well. Most improved award, 11/10
Getaway Car: "It was the best of times, the worst of crimes" (A Tale of Two Cities) -- Goes in the category of "fun wordplay, but doesn't really mean anything deeper" 5/10
This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things: "Feeling so Gatsby for that whole year" --This is a perfectly serviceable allusion, but not a super interesting one. Sub "Gatsby" out with "nostalgic" and the song wouldn't change at all. She could've done a lot more with the reference, given the subject matter of the song. 6/10
cardigan: "I knew you/tried to change the ending/Peter losing Wendy" -- This works! You get a sense of Betty losing her innocence and choosing to leave James and of it being inevitable somehow. Plus, it imbues the song with a lovely fairy tale quality. 10/10
illicit affairs: "take the road less traveled by/tell yourself you can always stop" -- To take the road less traveled by is to do something risky, unpopular, or unfamiliar, not just to take a route through town where you won't run into people. Not totally egregious, but the regression from Debut is disappointing. 4/10
invisible string: "and isn't it just so pretty to think/ that all along there was some/ invisible string tying you to me."(The Sun Also Rises)--Ugggggh. Okay, so "Isn't it pretty to think so?" is this sad, tired, ironic note in The Sun Also Rises. Brett tells Jake, "We could have had a damned good time together" and Jake says "Isn't it pretty to think so?" because their whole situationship was never going to work. It's not a positive thing; it's pure, bitter Lost Generation irony. Completely out-of-place in a song about how two people we're supposed to believe will actually work as a couple. This one drives me nuts, and I don't even like Hemingway. 0/10
happiness: "I hope she'll be a beautiful fool/ who takes my spot next to you" (Gatsby)--Saying this about an ex's future SO is so... off. Like, the reason why Daisy hopes her daughter will be a beautiful fool is because it's easy. The two situations have nothing to do with one another, and not in an interesting way. 1/10
The Albatross: whole song allusion to "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner," but most notably "She's the albatross/ she is here to destroy you"--The albatross in the Rime is a good omen. The Mariner shoots is for no reason, and the albatross's death is the ostensible source of bad fortune. I wrote a whole separate post on this here. That said, culturally "albatross=bad omen" is common enough, so whatever. 3/10
I Hate It Here: "I will go to secret gardens in my mind/ people need a key to get to/ the only one is mine" -- I like this one a lot. Exactly the right vibe for the song, trying to escape something miserable by going somewhere pleasant. The key is a nice touch. Poor Archibald. 10/10
The Prophecy: "I got cursed like Eve got bitten" --No Taylor, that's not what happened. Famously, Eve was the biter in that situation. 0/10
Cassandra: whole song allusion -- correct me if I'm wrong (I haven't actually read the Illiad), but my understanding is that Cassandra died fairly far into the Trojan war, and not by burning. 4/10
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Some off the cuff 1k of Skirk & Tartaglia (skirtaru???) hcs before 4.2 proves me wildly wrong, they are very much a dynamic in process to be changed as we see more of them and as I think and consider them more, but I wanna see them interact so BAD.
Anyway. Tartaglia is an idiot who develops a crush, or at least something like a crush, on anyone who can give him a good fight. Obviously there are plenty of people who can just kick his ass- he's ranked at the bottom of the Harbingers. But they all suck, and there's no passion when they fight! They don't appreciate it the way Tartaglia does! So it's not a good fight and those assholes don't count!
So I think little Tartaglia was doomed the second he saw a very very pretty lady with a very very sharp sword and she immediately beat the shit out of him. Like she awakened something in him right then and there, unfortunately for the rest of the world haha
And then! Not only could she beat him one handed! But she took the time to teach him! And this! This was exactly what Tartaglia had wanted when he ran away from home with nothing but some food and his sword! He'd wanted an adventure! He'd wanted something new and different and wild!
And he can have that now, with Skirk and the Abyss! So his crush could have instantly dissolved right there, but it didn't, because Skirk was weird and interesting and Tartaglia adored that.
((Wheezing imagining Tartaglia trying to show off because he wants to impress his shifu, and she genuinely is impressed because Tartaglia progressed so fast, but then she pops his teenage boy ego with a pin and he deflates sjzjnskdkz))
He develops such an endless amount of respect and admiration for her. He's so happy and so proud of himself when he masters the Foul Legacy, because this was a goal laid by his shifu and hell yeah, he blew it out of the water!! And I'd like to think this was when Skirk said those words in his profile-
"You shall ever be the eye of the storm,"
"And the clashing of steel shall ever accompany you."
"The pitch-black memory of stepping into uttermost darkness,"
"Shall, at last, become the strength by which you will overturn this world."
-with Tartaglia knelt before her and her sword at his cheek, as though she were knighting him. And Tartaglia realizes then that oh. He likes it here. He likes being in the Abyss. He likes being with Skirk. He likes hunting and killing and surviving here in the Abyss with Skirk. Morepesok is and will always be home, but it was stagnant there. Too much of the same. No room for growth.
But the Abyss is boundless possibility to explore in every direction, and Skirk has never flinched away from him even once. Tartaglia can be as violent and bloodthirsty as he wants; Skirk is worse. She gives zero shits. She loves to fight and hunt and kill and make things bleed. Tartaglia is free to explore and revel in all of his worst inclinations and instincts and that is what the Abyss and Skirk become to him. Freedom.
And then he falls out of the Abyss just as suddenly as he had fallen into it. He didn't even get to say goodbye.
And it's not all bad or anything. Tartaglia isn't miserable. He's plenty capable of making his own happiness. He brings his own joy everywhere he goes (derogatory, unfortunate for everyone else ndkdjdjkd) and he genuinely likes being around other people. He would have missed a lot of things if he'd been permanently trapped.
But now there is an itch that he can't scratch. And it's driving him nuts. And he misses Skirk. She was fun to be around. He liked her.
He finds himself seeing things in everyday life and wishing he could show her. He pulls out ingredients in the kitchen for dinner and wants her to eat his special dish and show off how good he can cook. He reads through reports about the Abyss and he never finds what he's looking for (a swordswoman, an entrance, anything-), but he wants to ask her her opinions about them. He sees a really nice sword and wonders if she would like it. Little things.
Tartaglia decides he's going to find her. Even if it's just for a chance to thank her. Even if it takes years, decades. He just wants to see her again.
And then, it finally happens! They really do get to reunite! I have no idea what will happen in the archon quest of course, but like. I really like the idea that after things settle down, Skirk decides to stay for a while. She doesn't really want to live here or anything, but she's curious. She wants to see what Teyvat is like. She especially wants to see Snezhnaya, like Tartaglia used to talk about. And Tartaglia decides to go with her, he's an experienced traveler, a man of the world after all! He'll take her wherever she'd like to go.
And I'd love for them to say goodbye to The Traveler and Paimon and depart from Fontaine on a classic will-they-won't-they sort of vibe, where it's obvious that Tartaglia has Some Feelings about Skirk, but it's not clear how Skirk really feels about him yet. But it's the kind of thing where it's hopeful, and you want to root for the guy to get his love interest haha.
(The Traveler and Paimon bump into them a few months later and Paimon chides Tartaglia because Childe have you seriously not confessed yet the hell have you been doing all this time, which he responds to with hey, Skirk is a classy lady, give me time to do it right! and meanwhile The Traveler can see around Tartaglia to where Skirk is sitting at their campfire, manspreading on a fallen log, eating raw meat with blood on her face and dripping down her arms BNSKXJSMKDMD)
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