#but thank you to anyone who’s commissioned me; you mean so fucking much to me;;;; thank you for thinking I’m good enough <3

[angelltheninth]

Blade's Edge

Pairing: Blade x Fem!Reader

Tags: fluff, teasing, enemies to enemies who flirt, kissing, grinding, aphrodisiacs, very suggestive, arrested!Blade

Word count: 0.6k

A/N: This was commissioned! Short and kind of sweet but also hella suggestive cause its Blade.

The sound of rustling handcuffs drew you to his cell. He sat in darkness, unbothered by you glaring at him. The only light was his eyes shining at you. "Captain. To what do I owe this immense pleasure?"

You narrowed your eyes at him, nodding at the other guards to leave. You knew he wouldn't tell you anything with them around, maybe even alone. Blade was a stubborn man and if he allowed himself to get captured by your squad then he must want something. Often something involving you.

Blade smirked at you as you stepped into his cell, as you approached him and tilted his chin with your fingers. "You look smug for someone in handcuffs." You kept your eyes on him, you knew he might try to get out but not before he got whatever it is he's after this time. His goals are all that mattered to him.

"Yes, well, it's not like I hate wearing him. I could go for better accommodations if I'm gonna give you some much needed information. I know you and yours have been running yourselves in circles lately. It was actually quite fun to see at first. Now it's just sad." He mocked you with that cocky smirk of his. With every word you got more and more angry. The worst thing was that Blade had a point.

"And what do you want in return? Surely you're not here out of the goodness of your heart."

"What heart?" Blade chuckled, his voice dripping with a tone that was both sadistic and seductive. Dangerous. "I could do it for... hm what's a good price. Perhaps a small kiss?"

Your hand twitched with the urge to slap him for even suggesting such a thing.

"You can pretend all you wish. I have seen how you look at me when we fight. You were probably looking for an excuse to put me in handcuffs. Have me tied up and at your mercy. From where I'm sitting you could fuck-" You grabbed a handful of his shockingly soft hair and kissed him. If one kiss would give you what you needed then it wasn't a big price to pay.

So why did you sit in his lap. Why did you open your mouth when he licked into it, why did... why did he taste so good. Your eyes widened when you recognized the sweet taste of an aphrodisiac. Fuck.

"Bastard. How are you not effected?" Your head was already getting dizzy, your hips moving in his lap, looking for friction and release.

"Call it natural immunity. I can't exactly have you follow me when I get out of here now can I? I'm only a messenger but that doesn't mean I won't have with you, Captain." Blade pushed upwards, your moans muffled by his lips, his taste and scent making you push forward, to pull at his uniform. You didn't realize he was shifting with his hands you only registered the hard feeling of the chair against your back and his hips pushing your legs apart, "If anyone were to see this what would they think? Their Captain spreading her legs for me? And I haven't even taken your clothes off yet."

At this rate he wouldn't have to take your clothes off.

Blade mumbled something in your ear. Perhaps the information he promised? Or did he call you names? Maybe something about Kafka? You didn't know. Your name was swimming in a sea of pleasure, your legs locking tight around him before relaxing.

"Thank you very much for your time Captain. I look forward to our next meeting." His lips ghosted against yours one last time before your vision turned black, the last thing you saw being his back, and the next thing being the worried and confused faces of your team.

"That motherfucker." You could practically hear him laughing in your ear. Shit. You were still sensitive if even that managed to make you clench your legs.

#honkai star rail x reader #honkai star rail x you #honkai star rail #blade x reader #blade x you #hsr x reader #hsr x you #honkai star rail imagines #honkai star rail fanfiction #honkai star rail fluff #hsr fanfiction #hsr imagine #hsr fluff #blade imagine #blade fanfiction #blade fluff #blade x female reader #hsr blade #blade #honkai blade

[hard-core-super-star]

searching for redemption [K.Bishop]

pairing: switch!kate bishop x bottom!reader x top!kate bishop

summary: a multiversal anomaly grants you and your girlfriend the opportunity to explore some of your more...intense desires.

warnings: pure smut -> minors, don't you dare interact with this [selfcest + threesome; kinda dubcon at the beginning 'cause R doesn't know it's another version of kate; slight degradation/humiliation [other kate is mean but in a good way]; strap-on sex [kate receiving]; cunnilingus [R receiving]; both kates are technically service tops but shhh; there's an element of tease and denial but it's sort of a background thing]

wordcount: 3.4k

a/n: this is quite literally the filthiest thing i've ever written so proceed with caution. this is a request/lowkey commission from a very lovely anonymous person so shoutout to them for all their ideas. i'm definitely not going to drop a link to my buy me a coffee for anyone else who might be interested. anyways, thank you for your support, i'll go back to writing pure fluff soon...maybe, hope you enjoy <3

* * * * * * *

You should've known something was different about your girlfriend the second she stepped foot in your shared apartment.

She had left early in the morning, mumbling something about Yelena and how the blonde was insistent on forcing her to have an actual training routine. Your complaints about it had been swallowed up by your exhaustion so the brunette was forced to leave since she couldn't come up with any excuses not to.

Needless to say, your day had been boring so, the second you heard the front door open, your mind was filled with the excitement of your girlfriend being back home. Excitement that didn't let you focus on the way Kate slammed the door shut behind her or the mumbled string of curses that followed.

“Well, what do we have here?”

The sound of her voice makes you smile and you turn to look at her over your shoulder. “Thought I would surprise my girlfriend with her favorite food. I would’ve gotten pizza but you always end up giving all your slices to Lucky.”

You catch the small roll of her eyes before you turn your attention back to the stove, turning off the flame before Kate distracts you and you burn the boxed macaroni…again.

She doesn’t reply immediately but you write it off as her being tired and nothing else. Until she speaks up again in a tone you’re not used to hearing from her.

“Fuck. You're perfect.”

“Is that you or your stomach talking?”

“Neither.”

You're about to ask her what she means when she crosses the space between you. Her hands grip your waist, pulling you backward until you collide with her body. The food you had been preparing gets forgotten the second you feel a certain hardness rubbing against your ass.

“You missed me that much?” You tease.

You’re expecting one of her usual responses. Maybe a whine or a witty comment or a barrage of kisses across your shoulders.

You don’t get any of that, though.

Instead, you get her calloused hands groping at your chest through the fabric of the worn-out band tee you stole from her closet. “Don’t be a brat, baby.”

The words are something you've only ever heard as a joke, a playful jab that never lands since you both know Kate’s the real brat. But today, they slip out of her mouth without a second thought as if she’s said them, and meant them, a thousand times before.

“Says the one ignoring my fantastic cooking skills.” You push back against her hips, expertly grinding against the strap-on hidden inside her pants and earning yourself a groan from her parted lips.

“I don’t think you’re in any position to be complaining,” she mumbles.

Her hands leave your waist and all at once, she’s turning you around and pushing you up against the kitchen counter. You attempt to tease her again but she’s far quicker than you are.

She instantly leans in to capture your lips in a borderline desperate kiss as her hands explore your waist. You're no stranger to Kate's arousal-filled desperation, and you can't judge her since you're the same way sometimes, but there's something different about it.

Some underlying darkness that you can't quite place.

“Kate-” You attempt to pull away but she doesn't let you get far.

She ignores your half-formed moan, choosing instead to deepen the kiss while she hooks one of your legs over her hip to erase the already non-existent space left between your bodies. Her actions are unexpected but they only serve to fuel the gathering arousal in your underwear.

You’re too caught up in the feelings she creates inside you to hear the sound of the door opening again…until you hear a very familiar voice.

“What the fuck?”

You jump away from the archer only to find yourself staring at Kate.

Well, two Kates.

You briefly wonder if you’re dreaming but the remnants of Kate’s hands on your body feel far too real for any of this to be a dream. Which means you’re staring at not one but two versions of your girlfriend.

Versions that seem to be engaged in a very serious staring contest.

“Is this another one of Wanda’s little tricks?” The difference in her tone of voice is suddenly obvious. “‘Cause it wasn’t funny the first time.”

“What? No. I’m me…and you’re me…and you’re hot?” The way the brunette stumbles over her words confirms your suspicions.

You’ve been making out with another version of your girlfriend.

And you can’t find it in yourself to be too upset about it.

Clearly, this other version Kate doesn’t mind either. She steps away from you, her arms crossed and a single eyebrow raised. “Why do you sound so surprised? Have you never looked at yourself in the mirror?”

Kate’s eyes widen and you can make out the soft pink hue that spreads across her face. Her hands are balled into fists at her side, almost as if she’s ready to defend you from this other version of herself. “y/n?”

You know what she’s actually asking of you but you can’t stop yourself from adding fuel to the fire. “Well, you are hot.”

Your girlfriend stares at you like a fish out of water while her other self bursts out laughing. It should be weird and yet you find yourself smiling as if the fabric of the universe didn’t somehow rip to create this moment.

“See? This is why I love her.”

Kate’s flustered and slightly nonchalant attitude disappears instantly. “Hey, she’s my girlfriend.”

Her possessive nature can’t be stopped, not even when her only competition is literally herself.

“Excuse me, your girlfriend was enjoying everything I was doing.”

Her comment leaves you breathless and, unfortunately for all of you, your girlfriend knows exactly what that reaction means. It means the other Kate isn’t wrong. And the knowledge instantly sparks a reaction in your archer.

“Shut the fuck up.” She shoves the other version of herself and while the act isn’t technically aggressive, it prompts the other archer to respond the same way.

Their shoves turn into a, somewhat pathetic, attempt at fighting with each other. They’re somehow the exact same person which means every punch is anticipated and blocked accordingly, leaving them both to stumble toward the nearest wall while they try to outwit each other with increasingly illogical insults.

The sight is more entertaining than strange and your next words fly out of you far too fast to be stopped. “You guys should just kiss and make up, it’ll be faster.”

The smirk you receive in response gives you a clear idea of which Kate is currently being held against the wall. “I told you she was into it.”

Your archer reluctantly lets go of the other one, turning around to look at you, a weird mix of surprise and longing in her eyes. “You think we should…what?”

“I’m just saying,” you reply with a shrug. “What’s the use of fighting with yourself anyway?”

Kate stares at you, mouth agape, while her variant shoots you a wink over your girlfriend’s shoulder. It shouldn’t be hot but you learned a long time ago not to question the things you find attractive about the archer.

“Come on, you can’t tell me you’ve never thought about it.”

“Thought about what?” Those eyes you love so much leave you as she waits for a response from her double.

“Kissing yourself.”

You have to fight against yourself not to laugh at the look that crosses your girlfriend’s face. “Excuse me?”

“Is she always this stubborn?” Kate rolls her eyes before pushing herself off the wall and approaching you again. The way she moves tells you there's a plan hiding inside her mind and you already know you’ll go along with whatever she wants.

“Don’t you already know the answer?” You reply, accepting the hand she holds out for you and jumping down from the counter. “You’re the same person.”

“Right again, darling.”

Your girlfriend’s intake of breath reaches your ears right as her variant pulls you in close. What you’re doing borders on insanity but you don’t care. Some experiences are worth losing your mind over.

She wordlessly checks in with you and the second you nod, her hands tangle in your hair and pull you into until there’s no space left between your lips. You know you should feel weird about what you're doing, maybe even a little guilty, but it’s impossible to deny the connection that runs between you, even if you’re different versions of the person the other one loves.

You almost expect your Kate to voice her displeasure and kick her variant out. But of course, that doesn’t happen. Because no one in this room can’t say they’re not more than a little curious to see where things go. To see how far they can go.

Kate pulls away from you, her lips pulled together somewhere between a giddy grin and a knowing smirk. It’s striking how different she seems to be despite being the archer you know and love. “Glad to see we’re on the same page, baby.”

“y/n?” The archer’s voice is barely audible over the pounding in your chest. “I…do you…is this what you want?”

You meet her eyes, both of you searching the other for any signs of discomfort. The only thing you find though are the very obvious signs of your girlfriend’s growing arousal. So, you nod. “Yeah. If you’re okay with it.”

“I…I mean, yeah. I think I am.”

“That was fast,” Kate’s variant teases. “Did watching me make out with your girlfriend turn you on that much?”

The answer is more than clear but the slight catch of her breath gives her away far too quickly. “Shut up.”

“Make me.”

A few seconds of tense silence go by before you all collectively spring into action. It’s, admittedly, a mess of hands and lips but the three of you make it into the bedroom together. You lose track of who’s who until a pair of rough hands push you down onto the mattress.

Kate attempts to follow after you but her double stops her before she can get too far. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“I, uh-” You watch as your girlfriend does her best to pull herself together. “Where do you think?”

“Nice try.” She pulls Kate against her body and you’re given a front row seat to the subtle expressions of pleasure your archer tries to hide. “You’re not going anywhere yet though. We have to give your girlfriend a good show.”

You have a pretty good idea of what she means and yet nothing could have prepared you for the real thing.

Your thighs instantly clench together while you watch the other Kate’s hands trail underneath your girlfriend’s shirt. The fabric in the way stops you from seeing much but your girlfriend’s body and the feeling of her skin in your hands is forever ingrained into your brain.

“What-” Her words get caught in her throat and all that comes out instead is a breathy moan.

“Do you ever stop talking?” The variant’s words slip out in between groans, her hips sliding back and forth against Kate’s ass. “Just let yourself feel good, I know what you want.”

You watch, entranced, as Kate’s lips trail a path down your archer’s neck, slowly coaxing her tense shoulders into relaxing as her head tilts back. “You…are way too sure of yourself.”

It’s impossible not to laugh at her words, mainly because you’ve said them at least a hundred times and she never believes you. Your amusement is shared by the other archer and she shoots you a small smile. “Maybe…but I’ll bet anything you’re already dripping for me.”

The words aren’t technically meant for you but your moan tangles with Kate’s. In all honesty, you’ve been dripping since your little makeout session in the kitchen and your clit throbs so hard, you’re sure a mere gust of wind would be enough to make you cum. It really would be so easy to slip your hand-

“No touching, sweetheart. Be a good girl and wait for us.”

The thought of having to wait more than a few seconds is unbearable but there’s no way you’ll disobey this dominant version of your girlfriend. You’ve always had your suspicions that Kate holds back her rougher side around you and this, strange and unexpected, meeting merely confirms your thoughts.

You’re tempted to beg just to see what reaction you’ll get out of both of them.

Instead, you groan and position your hands above your head, gripping the pillow hard enough to leave nail marks in the fabric.

Your own struggle leaves you unaware of the storm brewing inside your girlfriend. A storm full of unspoken desires and a need to get her hands on something.

The position she’s in makes it hard for her to even attempt to fight for control but she tries anyway. Hesitant hands reach out behind her to blindly run her fingers across whatever skin she can find.

“I told you it would feel good.” Her other self murmurs against the flushed skin of her neck. “I know everything you like. I know all the spots that drive you wild.”

“Please.”

Your girlfriend’s slightly whiny voice forces you to focus again. Unfortunately, the sight you focus on merely serves to drive you further toward the edge of desperation. “God, will you just hurry up and fuck each other already?”

Your words make both versions of the archer halt their movements.

Two pairs of wide eyes stare you down but while one looks flustered enough to turn into a puddle on the floor, the other one regards you as if you're her next meal. It's dizzying and pleasurable all at the same time and you know the squirming of your legs gives you away instantly.

“I see you still haven't tamed your brat.” Kate rolls her eyes but there's far too much excitement on her face for the action to be believable. “Too bad I can't deny her anything.”

Time somehow slows down and speeds up at the same time.

You're still left neglected on the bed but the two brunettes finally start removing the many obstacles in the way. Your girlfriend gets turned around easily and you're barely able to keep yourself together when she works up enough courage to kiss the other version of herself.

Surprisingly steady hands reach out to tear away at shirts and clumsily pull at pants.

It feels like both an eternity and a second until they're both standing naked in front of you and you're panting just from the sight of them. Your patience is finally rewarded when your girlfriend climbs on top of you, hushed murmurs of how perfect you are getting lost as her hands explore your desperate skin.

“Kate,” you moan, your hands reaching out for her.

“I know, baby, I'm getting there.” There's the slightest hint of a tease in her tone but it comes more serious than you've ever heard it from her. You don't know what being physical with a variant of herself has done to your girlfriend but you don't really care as long as she’ll finally give you what you want.

What you want comes in the form of four hands pushing and pulling at your clothes until you're left vulnerable under both of them.

The sight of your drenched folds makes them both groan but it's your archer who moves first. “Fuck, y/n, you look so good like this. All mine to play with.”

The more dominant of the two merely smirks, content to watch while Kate trails a path of kisses down your body.

“Please.” This time, you're the one who begs and your hands instinctively wrap around the archer’s as she holds your legs open.

She doesn't say anything in response, she merely leans in and lets her mouth explore your wetness. There's nothing new about her motions but there's a certain confidence behind them that you've never seen before.

Your girlfriend, usually slow and gentle, instantly attaches herself to your swollen clit, her tongue flicking relentlessly against your sensitive bud.

You're too lost in your own pleasure to notice the movements of her variant…until you literally feel Kate moan into your cunt.

It's hard for your eyes to focus but once they do, you're left bucking your hips up and clenching around nothing. You watch through wide eyes as Kate’s variant thrusts into her soaked pussy, strong hands gripping her hips while she fucks her at an equally relentless pace.

Holding your head up is a challenge but you manage, unwilling to look away from such a tantalizing sight.

You whine when Kate’s lips detach from your clit and it takes no time for her other self to grip onto her hair and push her face down into your cunt. “Fuck her like you mean it, Katie.”

Whatever response your girlfriend had fades away as you messily grind against her face. She wastes no time in giving you what you need, her grip tightening in an attempt to keep you still.

There's no way for any of you to stop yourself from squirming and grinding into each other in some way and the room quickly falls into a continued chorus of grunts and moans.

You can hear the sound of the other archer’s voice but you're too far gone to make out the words she says.

Kate isn't though and the mix between being praised and degraded makes her clench around the strap buried deep inside of herself. Which only prompts more humiliatingly pleasurable words from lips that are basically identical to her own.

“Fuck, this is what you needed, isn't it? To be fucked so good you're forced to give in to all those nasty thoughts in your head? It feels so good, doesn't it, Kate?”

Hearing her own name in her own voice while she's being pounded into by herself feels far too good not to admit it. And the sounds of pleasure that escape her lips push you right over the edge almost instantly.

“Kate!” The archer’s name is the only warning you can give before you slam head-first into an earth-shattering orgasm.

“Fuck-” Both Kates respond at the same time as they're both pushed over the edge by different things.

Your girlfriend falls apart the second she feels your release soak her chin and the sight of both of you completely fucked out beneath her causes her variant to crash into her own orgasm.

You're sure you blackout for a few bliss-filled moments and when you open your eyes again, you're greeted with the sight of your girlfriend sprawled out on top of you, her heavy pants lightly tickling your skin.

You turn your head to the side and find her variant, panting just as heavily beside you, her hand clutching yours, the toy covered in your girlfriend’s release still attached to her hips.

You're in the middle of forming a plan to get your hands on her when she speaks up. “That was…wow.”

The sound of her voice makes your archer lift her face from your chest, a wide grin on her face. “You can say that again.”

You hate how well you know her because her features give away the words she’s not willing to say. “You want to leave, don't you?”

Your voice is a hoarse whisper after all the loud moaning you've done but they both hear you. There's a beat of silence, two sets of eyebrows furrowing, and then your answer.

“Yeah…I just…I don't know how I got here but I need to get back home. To you…my version of you.”

She looks genuinely apologetic and you would laugh if you weren't so tired. “I get it. As amazing as this was, this isn't your home.”

“But feel free to come back anytime,” Kate says, completing the other half of your thoughts. “You, uh, taught us a lot.”

“Mmm, did she? I think we already knew you were full of yourself.”

“Yeah, but she made it literal.”

Your girlfriend gets a chuckle out of both you and her variant but it's not enough of a reward for her.

It happens in the blink of an eye but suddenly Kate is sitting up and pulling her other self into a rough kiss, her hands tangled in her hair and her teeth nipping at her bottom lip.

The sight is somehow more attractive than the first time and all three of you are left breathless once they pull away. Giving Kate the satisfaction she was looking for.

Her variant leaves, once she manages to pull herself together again, and you and Kate, your Kate, stay in bed for a while. There's an unspoken understanding about what she's discovered about herself but she finally speaks up after a while.

“So…do you think we can try bondage next?”

“Yeah. I honestly always thought you were a little vanilla in bed.”

Your response earns you a glare…and an overachieving archer who goes above and beyond to show you how wrong you truly are.

#kate bishop x reader #kate bishop x female reader #kate bishop x y/n #kate bishop x you #kate bishop fic #kate bishop fanfiction #kate bishop smut #kate bishop #hawkeye #hawkeye fanfic #hailee steinfeld #marvel fanfiction #marvel fic #marvel #mcu #mcu imagine #mcu fanfiction #wlw #wlw fic #writing

[sleepyconfusedpotato]

Hiiii me again

Related to the post about the ownership of characters and the tags you put-

I just wanted to mention that you’ve given me a lot of confidence. I used to be the type of person who believed “if your oc even breathes in the direction of a canon character, it’s cringe and Mary Sue and you’ll be ripped to shreds for it.” I’d have to tread so lightly with characters I enjoyed and love them from afar because I felt if I made even a joke post someone would bring it up.

I’ve only just gotten into the cod fandom, found your blog a couple months ago, and it’s given me a lot of like. Idk!! Just “fuck it, do what you want” kinda vibes in the best way? It’s really hard to word this lmao. But since finding your blog I’ve made a 141 character, a shadow, literally shipping an oc with ghost now, and I’m having fun that I wouldn’t have if I didn’t find your blog

So thank you <3

Hello! (｡･∀･)ﾉﾞ

Well, It's been an apparent issue in this fandom. idk why, but when I visit other fandoms, the sense of ownership and possessiveness to the characters is not that high, like what's up with these people I don't know. Like, the characters in media, especially in games, don't belong to anyone except the studios that made them 😭

We as fandom members can create original characters, alternative universes, and stuff for them. I can't imagine a piece of media without fanarts, fics, and OC's really. Heck, that's what keeps the fandom alive. If there's one thing we can learn from history of media, is that you can't hold back people's creativity. OF COURSE, there are cringe ones and unhinged ones, but it's fandom, of course, it's filled with different types of people from normal to bizarre ones.

Here's the thing, just because one person has already shipped their OC with one character, that doesn't mean that character is LOST forever to that one particular OC like it's a damn popularity competition 😭.

I've also seen some people saying that they're so emotionally attached to this one character, that if they see him with someone else's OC. they get super emotional and super angry?? Okay that's just-- WOW.

If you feel uncomfortable seeing your favorite character being shipped with someone else, then that just means that you're NOT ready and not mature enough to be an OC creator and be in a fandom space. Full stop.

and if I may speak from experience, I've lost a few friendships due to being... quite popular OC shipper with Ghost 🥲 I personally don't feel anything when I see other's OC's with Ghost, or any character I like with other OC's -- I EVEN DRAW OTHER OC'S WITH GHOST FOR COMMISSIONS 😭

But yeah, before I yap too much, thank you so much for the good words in the last paragraph! It's very very lovely, and I'm glad you have your own OC to have fun with! Happy creating and happy drawing💖!

#thank you so much! #sleepy's thoughts #been wanting to let this out pretty badly now #cuz my goodness lol the amount of immature asks on my inbox are concerning guyssss #call of duty #call of duty modern warfare #call of duty fandom #tagging the fandom cuz it's a pretty big issue

[nekura-haru]

I want to move out so bad. I'd thought I'd wait more, but I don't even know what I'm waiting for.

I'm very suicidal at this point. I really can't see hope anywhere. I'm basically caged in my parents' house. I'm a girl, 23 years old. Restricted from work.

I repeated final year of high school and failed to get a diploma twice. Since then I've just stayed home, doing absolutely nothing but exist, and spend someone else's money. I live in a big family. My parents + my 5 siblings. My eldest brother being the one who spend on us, his younger sisters (i am the youngest) Unlike me, all of my sisters have diplomas. I'm the only one without it. I'm deemed stupid by my parents, and I've been told that I'm not worthy of being a working adult, I'm too useless to be able to make my own money. My parents complain 24/7 about having to spend on basic necessities, as if their children weren't their choice.

I've been told 'if you want to live your life the way you want, then get out of this house' that made me feel suffocated. Because my father knew, by all means, I had 0 ways of making money, therefore I can't escape. He believes that we, as his daughters, should stay at his house to serve him, like his fucking housemaids. Make his bed, give him his clothes after he takes a shower, clean after him, do his laundry, make him food on time, and SHOULDN'T be too tired, because we have to be "his joy and bliss" and keep him company while eating. And we shouldn't dare ask anything from him.

So far I believe he'd been the meanest to me. Because he does listen, and doesn't disrespect my sisters as much as he does to me. It breaks me, pains me and hurts me day by day, each word of his pierce through me like a damn bullet to my heart. I believe I don't deserve this. It feels like a nightmare to think I'm going to grow old, and my life is going to end while living inside these same four walls, living for the sake of someone else's happiness, while using someone else's money.

I want to move out. So bad. I want to work. I just want to work. And make my own money, and just feel basic happiness.

Some of you might say 'i am living the dream' i am living in prison. You have no idea. You have no idea how bad it feels. To be caged and suffocated, at the mercy of someone else's money, being badmouthed on a daily basis, being forced to put on this happy face and serve that same person who hates my entire existence.

The only way they'd accepted (because they have no logic) to see me working is doing art commissions. It's never consistent, very unstable, I had just started trying to build my own platform, it has been going well for instagram and tiktok, but it's probably gonna require thousands of followers to be able to get commissions. I've only managed to get some through reddit, which i am very very thankful for. However I'm thinking of giving up. This whole life. I dream of saving up some money so I can move out, from then I won't need money desperately as I would already find a job. (Which, yes, there's PLENTY jobs that don't require high school diplomas. My parents are just devaluing me as a human so that they keep me in their house.)

I had never thought I'd do this in my life, but I would at least try, before I commit. I'm in no way threatening or trying to manipulate anyone to sympathize with me. This is my honest feeling. I can't help feeling depressed and suicidal, and it's no one 's fault but my family's. I'm not trying to make anyone feel guilt for not helping. I couldn't help anyone either, so I really understand.

I know there are people with worse situations out there, that still doesn't make mine any better. All bads are bad.

You can guess by now what's the thing I hate the most in my life. You guessed right. It's being spent on. Being forcibly spent on for 4 years now is pure trauma. I don't want anyone else's money. I desperately want to work, I want to make my own money. So I don't feel like I'm leeching off of someone, or feel like that I'm useless and worthless as they keep telling me everyday.

Even though it's a donation /fundraising site, I would love very much to draw for you if you'd like to send me money. Even if it's only $5, I can draw simple and cute things for you.

-I can draw Chibi, very simple or full render, ranges from $5 ~ $15 -I can draw headshots, bust up, half body, full body Sketches or cell shaded, or full render, ranges from $15 ~ $80 -I can draw backgrounds, price usually depends on how complex it is, but starts from $20 -I can draw multiple people, couples, children or adults, male or female or enbies -I can draw suggestive art / nudity / just not full nsfw (my family members can see me when I'm drawing so I do it sneakily) -I can do character designs / character sheets. I would love to do Vtuber models once I get the hang of it. -If someone find my art interesting enough, I'm open to drawing manga/webtoon art since I've devloped the skill to draw multiple things at a fast pace.

I don't even know if anyone is going to read this, or if this is going to reach anyone, but won't hurt in trying. I don't have a certain goal in mind. My country is very poor, so $1 equals about ×3.7 in my country's currency. For now I'm aiming to save up few hundreds, so I would love to draw bigger arts.

This is my ko-fi

I would appreciate it a lot if you reblog so that other people find this post, it's okay if you don't

Here's examples of my art

#fundraiser #donations welcome #Donations #ko fi commissions #queer artist #toxic parents #toxic household #signal boost #signal b00st #please help #need help #I don't even know #need money #Donation post #mutual aid #donate if you can #help if you can

[thatdeadaquarius]

I have so many ideas but none of them can be put into words, all I can do is just wheeze as they come along🤣

Also remember how wordy and flowery Teyvat speech/dialogue is? ADD THAT TO THE FACT THAT TEYVAT HAS ITS OWN LANGUAGE---

Reader can understand the basic speech which is why they are so blunt (I love this idea so much 🤣) and can piece together an idea what the person is talking about.

*insert random person talking about a commission with a long ass backstory*

Traveller & Co.: *understands completely and making plans to retrieve said commission*

C!Reader: (They said they had a cart.... a bunch of hilichurls appeared... dancing?.... they want us to dance fight the hilichurls???? Dance off???)

Actual story->The person's cart got ambushed by a group of hilichurls and taunted them by dancing around it.

....... it doesnt always translate well

Also imagine Reader heaeing random names and overthinks it as a word instead of a name.

Example: Pantalone means pants in Philippine English (sorry not sorry Pantalone)

Tsaritsa??? Oh do they speak russian there??? - reader

Capitano -> captain in some countries

(I once mistake Sandrone as Sandalone and I just went "... ehh??? Standalone? Sandalone as in Sand Alone???? Sandal (Flip flops)????

Oh wait its Sandrone" ".... as in Sand and Drone??--)

-Vine Boom

VINE BOOM ANON MY BELOVED 💖❤🧡💛💚💙💜✨️✨️

Gif is me writing u anything ever:

AHFLALA FERRRALLL I STG I ALSO THOUGHT ABT THIS!! WHY U COULD ALSO BE BLUNT BC U ONLY GOT THE BASICS 💀 RIP

Man theyre written language looks so scary to learn, kinda like when I looked into trying to learn Mandarin/Japanese (and even Korean), the letters r just inherently so different i was so intimidated

And u dont even read it like left -> right like English

Omg i tried to reply to a arabic comment on my art post once, and i felt so acommplished when i finally was able to type "اشكرك (thanks)" but like, i had to put it on the OTHER SIDE OF THE TEXT BOX, LIKE ALIGN IT TO THE RIGHT INSTEAD OF HOW U KNOW ENGLISH IS INHERENTLY ALIGNED LEFT, IT WAS SO TRIPPY-

Going thru genshin life only understanding minimal words of anything anyone says is honestly how i feel like ive been playing Genshin LMAO

Those analysis videos/lore are saving a bitch's life out here

PANTALONE IS ALSO RLLY CLOSE TO SPANISH FOR PANTS I KNOW WHAT U MEANNN LOL

UR ENDLESS CONFUSION FOR SANDRONE PLEASE ANON U DIDNT EVEN GET IT RIGHT THE FIRST CORRECTION IT JUST KEPT GETTING WORSEEE 😂😭 SAME THO

That would literally be you in genshin tho, like i could easily see it being like, back to back misunderstandings 😭😭

Like u think u got it right (Oh so his name is Rex Lapis, wait what? Morax? Ok his name is Morax...?? What??? Zhongli??? WHO IS THIS MAN-)

.

JFC first they gotta have a whole different language (like u saw in game)

And ON TOP OF THAT THEY CAN TALK FOR 10 MIN STRAIGHT ABT THE WEATHER OR SOME SHIT??

No... just, no.

U quickly decide u like what little bits of language u could pick up so far, which just results in,

U guessed it, simple speech and short fragmented sentences (or broken Teyvatian)

U cant even bring urself to care when u give half the characters a heart attack and send the rest into laughing fits

No fucks given, they wanna make this extra hard on u by being wordy on top of a new language,

Yeah u dont care what comes out of ur mouth anymore

Also, since everybody is raised in Teyvat very few ppl dont know the language, which once again brings us back to ancient/older deities/creatures who have a more simplistic version/outdated version of modern language

.

Omg getting stuff mistranslated bc u cant understand it all/only keywords sounds like hell but also rlly funny

Traveler/Paimon: "Alright, yes, all is well. We will accept this comission, and depart soon."

You: "...they want us to?? Dance fight?? Hilichurls...???"

Traveler just stares at u half in pity, half trying to hide their amused smile, Paimon is giggling

The commissioner is shook bc a supposed ancient creature?? Just accepted?? Their simple commission?? And u think they want u to dance battle???

.

PLEASE U MISTRANSLATE THE HARBINGERS NAMES RIGHT TO THEIR FACES

Signora: "You shall rue the day you crossed the Fatui mortals!"

You: "Lady we don't care, just fight us."

(Signora just means 'Lady')

Signora: *offended gasp*

Traveler/Paimon trying to stifle laughter

Raiden Shogun jaw dropped a little

.

Pantalone: "What a pleasure to finally meet you traveler, and thine wonderful companions!" *little bastard smile*

You: "And it was awful to meet you, Pants."

Pantalone: 😶😧😡 "Pants?! HOW DARE YOU NOT EVEN GIVE ME THE MOST BASE RESPECT, AFTER I GREETED THEE SO KINDLY-"

.

Oh its so funny, everytime you talk about Childe you always phrase it like he's an actual child bc u thought everyone was just calling him a little kid for some reason (u dont know how Teyvat ages work, he could be for all you know!)

Not very long, but Vine Boom anon your brain >>>>

Ur ideas r so on point, i love them sm

That makes perfect sense why u could be talking blunt too, like an in world explanation really

For you, all the desserts🥰 🤲🍪🍨🍰🍮🧋🍦🍡

Cheers,

🌒🌊🌧Aquarius♒️🌌🌘

#vine boom anon ilysm #yall r so funny i cant keep up help #big brain anons #genshin impact #ask box open #genshin sagau #my asks #sagau #genshin sagau ideas #gender neutral reader #genshin imagines #please send asks #:) #<3 #genshin isekai #genshin god reader

[van-yangyin]

Following Custom Content I shared the other day, here is EyeTree Head Set that contain a EyeTree head and Eyes of Tree Accessory for all ages. Hope you enjoy this one! 💗

Short brief when this post is published: I'm currently without pc because it's being repaired since it was failing me, so I leave you this publication that I left prepared. Until I have it back, it's possible that I won't be much on my social medias. When I return I'll answer to your lovely asks and replies. @lea-heartscxiv will probably lend me his, but it will only be for occasional times like posting things we've worked on together or new CC if pc takes too long to repair. Thank you for your patience with me ❤

They look at you, they judge you, they discriminate against you. From a planet far away from Sixam, called Lerighett, reside these tree-headed beings with eyes. They're said to be of many varieties and species, though residents of the hidden lands of Heyadee are one of the most frowned upon for being so perceptive and judgmental. If they have more eyes around them, they may be even more judgmental for being able to see beyond your soul. 👁️🌳

Download under keep reading ↓

If you download my CC it means your agree with my T.O.U (English/Español/日本語).

EyeTree Head

General Info:

13 swatches

Base game compatible

Located on Detail Skin, Forehead

all ages

disable for werewolves (don't show good on them)

all LOD's

All Maps (Diffuse, Normal, Specular)

Mesh and texture made from scratch by me

Custom Thumbnails

Compatible with higher and lower game sliders

Known problems: Some parts of the trunk may go deeper into the skin. Since is placed in Skin Details, Forehead, both packages are shown, no matter the gender, but they're written as Male Frame and Female Frame on thumbnail so that they can be easily recognized. Try to use them properly so they don't look bad unless that is the result you want to achieve.

LOD Information: LOD0: 7232 poly | LOD1: 3615 poly | LOD2: 1806 poly | LOD3: 903 poly

IF YOU LIKE MY WORK PLEASE CONSIDER BECOME A PATREON OR TIP ON KO-FI. ANY HELP IS ALWAYS WELCOMED BUT ALWAYS OPTIONAL. YOU CAN ALSO COMMISSION ME HERE OR FROM TUMBLR, IF YOU WANT ME TO DO SOMETHING SPECIFIC FOR YOU.  THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT!

※Choose download the one/ones you want the most or only download Merged: "_T-E_Merged" or "_AllMerged" where all the files are together.※

✨DOWNLOAD LINK✨ (Patreon ~ Always free, no adfly) [Same link]

✨DOWNLOAD LINK✨ (SFS ~ Always free, no adfly)

Photo in CAS and in-game photo without shaders:

~⭐️~

Eyes of Tree Accessory

General Info:

1 swatch, since use eye texture

Base game compatible

Located on Detail Skin, Crease

all ages

all LOD's

Mesh made from scratch by me

Custom Thumbnails

LOD Information: LOD0: 2880 poly | LOD1: 1440 poly | LOD2: 720 poly | LOD3: 360 poly

Do you want to know what else I'll be releasing this month and on what day? You can support me on Patreon or Ko-Fi and find out in this posts, here (Patreon) and here (Ko-Fi).

※Choose download the one/ones you want the most or only download Merged: "_T-E_Merged" or "_AllMerged" where all the files are together.※

✨DOWNLOAD LINK✨ (Patreon ~ Always free, no adfly) [Same link]

✨DOWNLOAD LINK✨ (SFS ~ Always free, no adfly)

Photo in CAS:

Compatible with LightHead/EyeHead and without LightHead:

~⭐️~

Btw, do you saw my last CC post? ⬇️

HERE

This CC is made in part in honor of the fucking eyes (the big one and the little ones) of Arc the Lad the Twilight of Spirits, who gave me and Lea a hard time many many years ago to defeat them. They aren't the same, but every time I was doing it I was thinking about them. Has anyone else played this game? I loved it and I love it!

Let me know if you find any problem. 🙏❣️ Also if you use this or any of my CC, feel free to tag me so I can see your sims, it will make me very happy to see it!

👀👉MORE DOWNLOADS

Happy simming! 🍀

💛

🛹 You can find me also on Patreon | Pinterest | Ko-Fi | Blogger (Shared with Lea) | Instagram | X (Twitter) | My F.A.Q. | My T.O.U. | MORE DOWNLOADS 🛹

#sims 4 cc #ts4cc #ts4 cc #sims4cc #type: head replacement #type: detail skin #frame: unisex #age: all ages #theme: alien #theme: horror #theme: cute horror #game pack: base compatible #Cute Horror x The Sims 4 #VanS4CC #Van-YangYin #always free cc #tw horror body #tw head replacement #tw eyes #tw: horror body #tw: head replacement #tw: eyes #tw just in case

[freyjas-musings]

I think its come to a point where I have to clarify a few things.

To start with , to everyone who reached out , thank you I am doing ok, I am just busy, I have a lot of work related travel in the next two weeks and I am preparing for my deadlines and dealing with real life . I promise I am fine.

As far as people who have doxxed me and have put my username on display subjecting me to bullying and harassment, the irony of the entire thing is not lost to me .

The fact that Elriels accused me of threatening to subject someone to harassment, when I specifically did not mention any username or individual .... while simultaneously displaying my username not only on several public FB groups which I have SS of, but also in several posts on both Tumblr and Twitter is baffling . Don't they see that they literally did what they accused me of "wanting" to do?

Who is the only one who is being subject to harassment and bullying ? Me and somehow I am the person who is in the wrong here ?

Now , coming to the part of character assassination, this isn't about fictional characters or books anymore , these people have written horrible things about me as a person ... twisted something I said on a post which most certainly wasn't said in a serious manner its dumb to think it was ( How would someone force someone to write an English exam ? The entire thing was exaggerated and ridiculous) and have called me different things varying from a Psychotic bitch to a creepy person aka defamation thereby posing a threat to my emotional and mental well-being.

I have been in this fandom long enough and I have interacted with enough people that it should atleast give most people that I have interacted with a general idea of what I really am like.

I have mostly kept well away from Elriels , I don't engage with them in any manner if I can avoid it and I have gone ahead and blocked as many of them and their tags. So , I clearly have no intention of interacting with them irrespective of whether they are decent people or not , I simply don't see the necessity and its not my preference. This is the reason most of my interactions usually revolve around Gwynriels and they are the only ones I usually address even in my posts.

I am a part of this fandom for myself and I commission art because I like the creative aspect of it and I love interacting and supporting artists. This much everybody knows about me.

The locus of my identity is internal to me and my circle of validation is a total sum of 2 people - My husband and my child.

So for anyone who thinks they can bully me into going away from the fandom by twisting things and saying mean things about me... you are really wrong.

I honestly wasn't feeling right about BB milking the ship war and preying on vulnerable people while also not lending their support to artists who are integral to the fandom... which is why , I literally stated 2 days back that I would be stepping back from the SJM fandom till we have news on the next book.

But .....

If this is the sort of shit people try to pull with me then it's not about BB anymore, My priority now is bullies in the fandom. My priority is people who thought they could manipulate my people against me.....

I HAVE A FEW WEEKS OF WORK THAT NEEDS MY FOCUS BUT COME APRIL 21ST .... I AM COMING BACK ... WITH MORE CONTENT , MORE COLLABS , MORE GWYNRIEL INITIATIVES AND BETTER STRATEGIES AND YES I WILL BE BOOSTING SEVERAL GWYNRIEL ART PIECES ....CRY ME A RIVER

This is to Gywnriels, I will totally respect it if you guys would like to unfollow me based on the propaganda that's been in action by the Elriels. But seeing I have gained 15 followers in the last 2 days I am going to assume you guys truly understand what I am as a person and for that I am thankful and incredibly grateful 🙏. If you guys see posts of people displaying my username please report both the post and the blogger.

Now , I would like to go back to work because irrespective of who Azriel gets to fuck in the next book ... my work is what is important... its what feeds me and pays my bills.

#gwynriel #gwyneth berdara #pro gwynriel #gwyn acosf #acotar #azriel shadowsinger #gwyn x azriel #azriel #post acosf #acosf theory #acotar fanart #fandom fuckery

[awlumii]

be still, my heart.

# — pairing: kazuha x gn!reader

# — characters: gender neutral reader, kazuha, lumine, aether

# — summary: you're not really cut out for this whole "matchmaker" deal.

# — warnings: n/a

# — tags: long fic (~9k words), 3+1 format, fluff, angst, misunderstandings, hurt/comfort, (failed) matchmaking, aether & lumine are your best friends

# — notes: finally, finally, finally! i finished a commission! thank you so, so much again to the commissioner; your support means so, so much to me, especially at a time like this. i had a lot of fun writing this :D reblogs and reactions are greatly appreciated, and i really hope you all enjoy! 🥰

wanna join the tag list?

i.

"hey! do you mind if i sit here?"

in hindsight, you should've known right away that that was a stupid question to ask. the café is far from crowded at this time of day. there's a smattering of people sitting at tables and all of them are alone, and there's still an empty table here and there. if you were going to be subtle about wanting to sit near this guy, you should have chosen, say, the empty seat behind him. but thank your lucky stars; the man is kind enough to smile back at you and gesture to the seat across from him.

alright. one foot in the door.

the guy in question is none other than kaedehara kazuha, the english major who's famous for his insightful poetry and exceptional grades. everyone loves this guy, even professors outside of his department. he's not the most social, but he's open to anyone and everyone who happens across him, and it would appear that you are a part of that as well. it's a good thing, too — if he'd secretly been an asshole, you'd have turned tail immediately. of course, that'd only make you look more suspicious than you already do, but that's besides the point.

when you say that everyone loves kazuha, you mean everyone — and that includes your best friend lumine. it just so happens that kazuha is also the object of many people's affections — the perks of being popular, you figure. it came as a real shock to you that lumine was interested in him of all people; you could've sworn she was head over heels for ayaka, the endearing political science and dance double major that she spends a lot of time with. but instead, lumine came to you out of the blue one evening gushing about kazuha.

"wait, wait, wait. are you telling me that you have a crush on him?" you closed your book to gape at lumine, who was sitting across from you with her chin propped in her hand.

lumine nodded. "yeah. what, is that weird or something?"

you raised an eyebrow. "very." you stood up and circled the table to eye her closely. lumine watched you the entire time, her eyes curious. "did you get hurt anywhere? hit your head or something?"

"oh my god, you're ridiculous." lumine pushed you away lightly. "i just think he's... dreamy..?"

"you don't sound too sure about that."

"fuck off, you know i'm not good with this sort of thing." lumine flipped you off. "but you know who is? kazuha." when you scoffed and sat back in your seat, she sighed. "would you stop being an asshole and help me out?"

you opened your book and skimmed the words. "what now? are you gonna tell me to set you up with him or something?" when lumine didn't answer for a few seconds, you froze. you looked up at her with mild horror. "ohh no. fuck no, i am not playing matchmaker. do it yourself."

lumine didn't answer you at that. you knew very well why she didn't do these things herself. you're aware of her reputation on campus; she's not exactly the most popular, but those who do know her know that she can appear rather callous at times. lumine's rough exterior made it difficult for her to branch out, which was probably why she was asking you to begin with. once it occurred to you, you groaned. "fine." you conceded. "but you're doing all the hard work."

lumine's face brightened into a smile you don't think you've ever seen her wear before. "you're the best." she reached across the table and tapped your hand. "seriously."

meanwhile, you'd already started dreading the first interaction you were supposed to have with kazuha. "yeah, yeah," you muttered. "whatever."

because at the end of the day, who are you to question lumine? she's been by your side through thick and thin ever since middle school. she's got your back and you've got hers (and her brother's). you'd do just about anything for her if she asked, no matter how ridiculous it seems. although, you think as you settle in your new seat, this is pretty fucking ridiculous. playing matchmaker is stupid, especially for a guy like kazuha, who has probably had this kind of thing happen to him before. you can only hope that that's not the case.

you pull out a notebook and a pen to start idly writing when you notice that in front of you, kazuha's closed his book. when you look up, you see that he's actually staring at you. what for? "is something wrong?" you ask. "i can move if you want me to; i didn't mean to disturb you."

kazuha shakes his head, his platinum bangs brushing over his forehead. he has a streak of crimson in his hair, you notice. it's kind of cute. in fact, now that you're really looking at him, you can really see why people are so drawn to him. he's very attractive with his kind eyes and almost serene expression. you see his lips moving then and realize that he must have been saying something for a while. shit, were you checking him out just now? did he notice? it's not until his lips stop moving that you realize that you have no idea what he just said. "i'm sorry, i, uh... really should've got some coffee before i sat down. can you say that again?" you give him an apologetic smile in hopes that it'll make him forget that you obviously weren't listening just now.

kazuha actually smiles then. it seems like he's always doing that, really. your ears start to burn; he probably thinks you're ridiculous. "that's alright." he tilts his head to the side slightly and says your name. when you raise your brows, his smile grows. "i figured my guess was correct. you're friends with lumine, aren't you?"

oh, right! duh! how did you already forget your goal? stupid pretty boy and his stupid face. "ah, yeah," you reply. "she's my roommate too, actually."

"i see." kazuha pushes his book to the side and you follow the movement. is he trying to start conversation? this wasn't exactly how you saw this playing out, but hey, that saves you the trouble of coming up with a topic. "how long have you two known each other?"

perfect. you've got him hook, line, and sinker. with lumine as the topic of conversation, you'll have him smitten with her in no time. "since middle school," you say with a smile. "she and aether moved into the house beside mine and my mother tasked me with befriending them. the rest is history, i suppose."

kazuha looks endeared. "the two of them must have been a handful, no?"

you don't miss the playfulness in his tone. yeah, you can really see why people like him. you weren't exactly supposed to get caught in his little web, but here you were, charmed by the guy anyway. at kazuha's request, you divulge a few stories about your history with lumine. you cherry pick stories that are centered around her and leave out the more embarrassing parts (which is difficult since you guys were some embarrassing kids); when this is over, she better love you for talking her up like this.

at some point, kazuha excuses himself for a moment. while you wait, you pull out your phone and text the group chat that you have with lumine and aether.

[ me ]: you owe me your soul after this, bitch

[ lulu☆]: oh my god, did you actually find and talk to him

[ lulu☆]: i didn't think you'd actually do it, help

[ me ]: you asked, didn't you? and i said i would, so

[ lulu☆]: that's not

[ lulu☆]: well..

[ lulu☆]: okay look what did you tell him

[ me ]: don't worry, i didn't embarrass you

[ me ]: ...yet

[ aefer☆]: did you tell him about the time she nearly shit herself because a cat fell out a tree on her head

[ aefer☆]: cause that's funny

[ me ]: shit u're right, i should've mentioned that

[ me ]: but no.. i had to talk her up to impress him

[ aefer☆]: i would've told him. just sayin

[ lulu☆]: i know where you live, bitch

[ aefer☆]: what a coincidence, so do i

[ me ]: okay he's coming back, later losers ♡

[ aefer☆]: make sure to tell him the story!!

you chuckle at your phone before you put it away. when you look up, kazuha is seated in front of you with two cups on the table; one looks to be coffee, while the other seems to be tea — green tea from the smell of it. you blink in surprise and open your mouth, but before you can ask, kazuha explains: "you said you needed coffee and it just so happens that i needed a pick-me-up as well." he gestures to the coffee and gently eases it towards you. "so i took the liberty of getting some for you."

you shake your head quickly. you weren't supposed to be indebted to him! "y-you really shouldn't have!"

kazuha's expression falls a little and you swear you feel your heart tug. "was that too forward of me? my apologies, i..."

fuck, you can't have him looking so downcast. you try to cover up your flustered state with a grateful smile. "no, no, i mean-- thank you, really, but you're too kind. how much was it? at least let me pay you back."

"there's no need," he says. "i got it because i wanted to. and what better need to celebrate a new friend than over a drink they enjoy?"

you blink twice. once because you're surprised he considers you a friend already, and twice because if you're not mistaken, kazuha looks... sheepish. you stare at him just a moment longer and this time it's him who breaks eye contact as he moves to sip from his tea. confused, you drink from the coffee he got for you. the second the flavor hits your tongue, you make a noise of surprise. "this is.." you mutter.

"ah." kazuha sets down his own drink. "i'm sorry, i forgot to explain. i wasn't quite sure how you took your coffee, so i guessed. it's not bad, is it?" he actually looks worried. "should i take it back for you?"

"no, no, it's not bad, it's..." it's perfect, you think. this is exactly how you order your coffee every time. how did he guess this well? your order isn't exactly standard; it would take some serious thinking to get it down to a T. "it's great," you finish your sentence. "thank you so much."

relief settles on kazuha's face. "that's good." he sets his tea aside and keeps his attention on you. "would it be too forward of me to ask if you have any more stories to share? they're quite interesting."

right. shit. you're here to play matchmaker. this is the second time you've forgotten your goal. you put your coffee to the side and launch into another story that you'd thankfully lined up in case he wanted to keep the conversation going. kazuha listens attentively; his eyes are on you the entire time and his usual smile grows wider each time you giggle when you remember something funny.

he's very easy to talk to, you think. you wouldn't mind doing this over and over. this is a win-win situation for you and lumine; she'll get a boyfriend, and you'll have a new friend.

(you won't realize it just yet, but the skip in your pulse each time kazuha laughs is far from platonic.)

ii.

it's nice to have a new addition to the group — really, it is — but does he really need to be invited everywhere?

lately, whenever you, aether, and lumine go out as a trio, kazuha ends up receiving an invite as well. sometimes he gets the invite from you, but every other time, it seems to be coming from lumine. it's a little irritating, honestly. not because kazuha is annoying, no — he's the furthest thing from it. if anything, he's the most soothing person you've ever known (amongst other things). no, what's annoying is that lumine seems to be taking charge of this whole matchmaking thing herself, which leaves you without an objective. because really, if she's gonna make sure he's around all the time, then what did she have you get involved for?

take now, for example. the four of you are in an arcade celebrating the end of midterm season, and when you entered, you decided that you'd be split into pairs — you with aether, and lumine with kazuha. you and aether complained when lumine suggested bringing kazuha along on the grounds that the two of you would be third wheeling. so she suggested splitting into groups.

for some reason, the initial pairing put you with kazuha. not like you're one to complain — you love the time you spend with him. but seeing as how you spend a couple hours every day chatting him up in that café, you think you can do without him for a few hours today. you said as much when the first pairs were decided on.

"aw, you'll hurt his feelings!" aether said with a chuckle. "don't you wanna be around your new friend for a while?"

before you spoke, you stole a peek at kazuha who looked... a little hurt. you thought you were imagining it since he was smiling along with the joke, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. regret started to claw at your throat and you tried to take it back, but kazuha spoke before you could.

"i'm more than happy to spend time with lumine," he said. "we don't spend much time together as it is."

your fingers slow to a stop on the game you're playing. do kazuha and lumine really not spend time together? that was the whole reason you spent time with him — to get him more motivated to speak to her in the first place. was he still too shy to speak to her? no, you think as you pick up the game. he wouldn't have jumped at the opportunity to be with her tonight if he was really shy. besides, shy just isn't kazuha's character; he has moments where he's a little hesitant, but he's certainly not the shy type.

then why weren't they together more often? you feel confused for a moment, but then it hits you — you've been taking up kazuha's time, not her.

there's no reason why you should be in that café for so long with kazuha. your mission was simple: get him interested in lumine, get them to hang out, and then watch the rest unfold. but instead, you've been hogging all his time, talking about topics that had nothing to do with this whole matchmaking situation to begin with.

you swear lowly when your character dies on screen. if anyone is to blame for the lack of progress being made, it's kazuha. he's the one who's always asking off-topic questions when you meet up. specifically, he would coax you into talking about yourself somehow. how he does that, you're not sure, but you hate it. he's making this difficult!

oh, your mind just can't stop running. kazuha's making everything so complicated! why did he look so dejected when he said you wanted to hang with someone else? why does he want to know so much about you? why does he smile so brightly when he sees you in passing? why isn't he sticking to lumine's side? is he even going to make a move? is that why he jumped at the chance to do so today? why didn't he do so earlier, and why in the fuck does your chest hurt right now?!

"if you hold the controls any harder, i think they're gonna break."

aether's voice suddenly appears to your left, startling you. you let go of the controls in your shock and soon after, a fluorescent red 'game over' appears on the screen. you glare at him and punch his arm. "you asshole, you made me lose the game." you hiss.

aether's lips curve into a cheeky smile. "actually, you were already losing. you kinda suck at this game."

"i don't, i just..." you sigh and look at the screen. "i was just thinking about something else."

"now are you making an excuse, or were you really distracted this whole time?" aether asks. when you struggle to come up with a response, he rests a hand on your shoulder. you don't look at him, though. you're too busy trying to figure out why your throat feels like it's closing. aether calls your name once, then twice. you still don't answer. just when you think he's given up, he drapes an arm over your shoulder and pulls you to him. "how about we go get something to drink?" he finally suggests. "it's been a while."

you look at him and for a split second notice how blurry he is. you blink a few times and it goes away. weird. you still can't really form words, so you nod and allow aether to whisk you away from your game.

once you're seated with your drink, you let your mind go off the rails. why does the thought of kazuha asking lumine out bother you so much? that's literally why you became friends with him in the first place, no? you're supposed to be relieved — once they start dating, you can wash your hands of this whole ordeal and be on your merry way. at least, that's the plan... right?

"we came out here to stop thinking," aether speaks up. "but you look like you're still studying. what're you thinking so hard about?"

you open your mouth to explain yourself but quickly shut it. you can't just tell lumine's brother that you're having second thoughts about getting her a boyfriend! best friends or not, his first priority is his sister's happiness; if you back out, you'll definitely have to face aether's wrath later. yet still, you want nothing more than to unload these confusing emotions onto aether's shoulders — you need to explain yourself or else you feel like you're going to pop.

you feel crazy. are you crazy? you think you're going crazy. and dammit, why does your throat still feel so tight?

after a few seconds pass, you decide to bite the bullet. you hate to toss aether in the middle like this, but who else are you going to tell this to? kazuha? yeah, fuck that. "it's... about kazuha." you rasp. you take a sip of your drink.

for some reason, aether sits up a bit straighter. you don't recognize the look he's giving you. maybe intrigued is the right word? "yeah?" he leans his chin in his hand. "what about him?"

"i think... i think i fucked up somewhere." you feel a little lighter now that you've gotten that out. that's the heart of the problem... you think.

"how? he's spending time with lumine, isn't he?"

"yeah, now he is. didn't you hear him earlier? he said that they didn't spend much time together."

"aaaand..?"

"what do you mean and? they're supposed to be together all the time!" you scoff. "i tell him about her like, every day, and yet they're still so stiff around each other whenever we all meet up!" a thought occurs to you, then. the four of you hung out all the time, but each time, you were in a group. "wait, do they never actually hang out outside of our outings?"

aether's frowning a little at you. surely he understands what you're talking about, right? "you think that that's weird?" he asks.

you throw your hands up in frustration. "yes, that's weird! god, why am i even doing this if he's just gonna hang out with me instead of--" you shut your mouth.

intrusive thoughts are funny little things. soft as they may be, they leave ripples in your mind. and those ripples grow bigger and bigger as they spread, reaching the far corners of your brain until they become all you can think about. yours are pretty out there: what if i tripped and fell right now? or what if i'm reading the stop signal wrong and i walk into traffic by accident? they make you reconsider your every move, make you see reality in a different light. these particular thoughts, however, send you spiraling.

what if kazuha likes me? becomes: what if i like kazuha? which eventually turns into: i do like kazuha.

"oh." you mumble. "shit."

"i feel like you just had a revelation without me, and i'm feeling very out of the loop right now." aether gestures between the two of you. "are we on the same page right now?"

"god, i hope not." you groan and push your face into your hands. this is the fucking worst. it's supposed to be the worst, anyway — for some reason, you feel the urge to smile. feelings are strange like that, huh? you realize that you have a big crush on the guy you're supposed to be setting your best friend up with and yet you want to smile — you want to take a breath of fresh air, like this is a good thing. "aether, i'm a horrible fucking person." you laugh derisively. "the fucking worst."

aether, who'd been sitting across from you this whole time, moves to sit next to you. when you finally look at him, you see that he's frowning, his face marred by confusion and worry. "as much as we like to joke about it, i can't read your mind. you need to tell me what's up."

"...promise you won't hate me?"

"why would i ever?" aether looks at you like you slapped him. dork.

you smile, but it doesn't last very long. "i just, uh... realized something."

"would you quit being suspenseful and get to the point?"

fine. you decide to let it all out. "i like kazuha, aether. there. i like him a fucking lot. he's really pretty and he's kind, he spends time with me every day, even when he's busy; he holds my hand sometimes when we talk and i swear, i feel like i can fucking fly whenever he does, and i..." you take a deep breath. "i'm a fucking moron because i'm letting down lumine. she's supposed to be with him, not me. i have to let this go."

aether's silent. you feel your throat tighten up again and immediately recognize the feeling — you want to fucking cry, dammit. you're a terrible fucking friend, and that's exactly what aether's about to say--

"you need to tell her," he says seriously. "and you need to do it now before things get worse."

that's... not the reaction you were expecting. "aren't you mad at me? i-i'm supposed to be helping out your sister but i'm--"

"falling in love." aether finishes for you. you try to deny it, but he's not hearing it. "trust me, it'll get to that point soon enough. you can't wait until then -- you have to say something. please," he implores you, "for your own good."

you want to say that you shouldn't do anything to benefit yourself, not when you've fucked up so majorly, but you hold your tongue. you really don't know what to do now. how are you supposed to look kazuha in the face after this? you were always enjoying yourself when you were around him, but now you understand that you enjoyed yourself far too much. he's supposed to be with lumine and he's--

a sudden call of your name has you snapping your head up. in front of you is none other than kazuha and lumine.

speak of the fucking devil and he will appear.

the two of them are wearing matching smiles and carrying four plushies from the prize counter. they look so... happy. all at once, you cram your raging emotions into a box and shove them into the furthest corner of your mind. that can wait -- what's important now is these two lovebirds and the rest of the evening. you ease away from aether and sit up straighter, plastering a friendly smile on your face. "did you two kids have fun?" you ask.

(beside you, aether's frown deepens.)

"i learned quite a few things while playing with lumine tonight." kazuha is the first to speak. he adjusts the two plushies in his arms and looks over to lumine. "the most important thing being that she's amazing at video games."

lumine sniffs proudly. "he's the one who didn't believe me when i said i would kick his ass at anything we tried. aether and i used to play games like these all the time when we were kids. but," she nudges kazuha's shoulder affectionately, "you put up a good fight. i respect the effort, but better luck next time."

"i'll keep that in mind." kazuha chuckles.

next time, he said. there's going to be a next time. they're going to go on a date. you giggle softly despite yourself. now's not the time. not when they look so happy. you feel aether pinch your arm, but you swat him away subtly. "that's good to hear." you say. "is there something else you guys wanna do tonight?" you hold your breath, hoping they say no.

fortunately (or unfortunately), aether cuts in. "actually, lumine, wait." he doesn't say anything else after that, but judging by lumine's expression, you wonder if they're doing that twin communication thing. you've always wondered what that's like, having another half. aether and lumine are always sharing information over everyone's heads -- sometimes, you wish they'd include you.

lumine nods after a second. they must have finished their psychic conversation. "actually, aether and i have to head back." she shrugs one shoulder. "something came up."

kazuha's brows knit with concern. "is everything alright?"

"yeah, aether has to take a shit or something. i don't know." lumine is suddenly hit in the face with a wadded up napkin while you poorly stifle a laugh. she doesn't retaliate the same way she normally would, but she does shoot aether a glare that could probably melt steel beams. "anyway," she smooths her expression over and looks straight at you. "are you two gonna be okay alone? because this is kind of urgent."

wait. shit. fuck, no, no, no! she can't leave you with kazuha! why is she trying to leave you with kazuha?!

words fail you in this moment; you open and close your mouth a few times as you struggle to find the right words. there's so much going on in your head; you could say yes and have some alone time with kazuha, but lumine is supposed to be the one having alone time with kazuha, not you! if you say no, then kazuha might look like a kicked puppy again, and you don't want to see him looking so sad, dammit! but then again, if you say yes, you could interrogate him and find out why he and lumine haven't hung out often, right? but--

"we should be fine." kazuha speaks before you can, leaving you floored. "i'll see them home when we're finished here."

well, there goes your internal conflict. it's too late to back out now. you put on a brave face and hope that neither lumine nor aether can see through it. "i'll see if i can keep that winning streak for you, lumine." you say.

kazuha chuckles quietly. "is that a challenge i hear?"

god... damn him. "it sure is." you play along and give him a grin.

all your years of friendship must have meant nothing, because lumine doesn't pick up on your silent distress signals. she and aether say quick goodbyes before turning and heading home, leaving you with kazuha. once the twins are gone, you hop to your feet. since there's no one here to save you, you may as well dive in head first. "so," you say with a sigh, "which game do you want to play first?"

rather than suggest a game, kazuha shakes his head. "we don't have to play a game if you don't want to." like always, he tilts his head to the side just a little. he's so endearing. "you don't seem like you want to play anymore. am i correct?"

"i..." you deflate a little. "yeah, you're right. i'm sorry. i don't want to bore you or anything, but i just don't have it in me anymore."

thankfully, kazuha doesn't pry. he pushes one of the plushies in your direction. you'd actually forgotten he was holding it. it's a little penguin with a frog hat on — absolutely adorable. the other penguin that he's holding has a dinosaur hat. were they a matching set?

you don't take the plushy right away, which prompts kazuha to speak. he shifts his stance a little bit and... maybe it's just the trick of the light — it is quite dark in here — but you think you can see his cheeks turning color. "this is for you," he says. in an uncharacteristic moment of shyness, he suddenly backtracks. "only if you want it, of course. i won't push it on you, but... i figured that you might like it."

you blink a few times. you kick yourself and reach out to take the penguin — it's soft to the touch and the perfect size for hugging. you hold the thing gingerly in your arms and stare at it for a moment. did he really get this for you? or did he get this for lumine? maybe she didn't want it and that's why he's giving it to you; yeah, that has to be it. but just to be sure, you look up at kazuha, hoping you're not smiling as widely as you think you are. "you really didn't have to. why're you so nice to me, huh?"

you foolishly asked that as a joke, but this time, you're absolutely sure kazuha's face starts to redden. it's hidden by the lights of the games around you, but even in this dim lighting, you know what you saw. he doesn't look too fazed by it, though. "must there be a reason?" he asks in return.

you know what? no. some things are better left unexplained. you shake your head and hug the penguin close. "thank you, kazuha." you think you're going to explode. "really. i love it."

"i'm glad," kazuha says. and boy, does he look the part. the relief on his face is palpable. for someone with such an even expression, he sure is easy to read when he's nervous. what he's nervous about, you have no idea. but he's also really fucking cute. he shifts on his feet and breaks eye contact after a beat of silence. "why don't we get you home?" he suggests. "it's probably late at night."

ah. well, there goes your excitement. he just wants to get rid of you now, huh? for someone who's not supposed to like him, you sure do have pretty intense mood swings when he's involved. you agree and the two of you head outside and start towards your home.

the walk home is slow and silent, and kazuha's walking close by your side. you'd think of something to say, but it's a very comfortable silence — with you hugging the plushie that he got for you in one arm, you don't see any reason to speak. it's not like this is abnormal, anyway; he's seen you home many times before. you hazard a glance at kazuha after a moment to find scarlet eyes already focused on you. you look away in a hurry, as does he. weird.

even weirder still, you feel kazuha's fingers knock against yours. are you two really walking that close together? you flinch away from his touch like he'd burned you. "i'm sorry." he apologizes right away.

"no, it's okay." you reassure him. to make him believe you, you put your hand back where it was. it's not until you do that you realize that that wasn't the first time your hands have touched. you soon find that that wasn't the last, either; once more, kazuha's fingers knock against yours. you don't move away this time, instead opting to knock back. you swear you can hear him chuckle when you do, but maybe you're just imagining things.

a few more seconds pass and you feel kazuha's fingers intertwining with yours, and for a second, your mind completely stops. tonight was moving so fast — first you realize that you're a goner for kazuha, then he gifts you a plushie, and then he's holding your hand? what is happening right now? and why aren't you pulling away?

you should pull away, you have to, but... you can't bring yourself to. your fingers lock with kazuha's one by one until eventually, you're completely holding his hand. he's so warm, you think. he always is. the walk home remains silent, and you and kazuha exchange playful squeezes every so often.

(to make yourself feel better, you tell yourself that this is just you training him for when he starts dating lumine. maybe that will ease your conscience.)

iii.

so you're in love with kazuha. big fucking surprise there.

you quickly realized that you were doomed from the moment you met. not that it was love at first sight, but he charmed you right away. he was the one who had you hook, line, and sinker from the very start. it doesn't help that he became a permanent addition to your friend group; you're forced to face him and your feelings just about every single day. you're reminded every day of how much of a weakling you are when it comes to him. you hold his hand, you share food with him, you sleep with the plushie he gave you, you borrow his sweaters... you're a fucking mess.

it's agonizing. you were supposed to be helping lumine and kazuha get together, but you grew too greedy and inserted yourself into a position that wasn't meant for you. you try every day to rationalize with yourself and aay that the two of you are just really close friends, but friends don't think about each other the way you think about him. even worse was that you couldn't tell lumine about it — the only person who knew of your feelings was aether, and he gave you shit about it whenever he could.

come clean, he says. stop lying to yourself, he says. to that, you have to laugh. if it were that easy to rid yourself of this situation, you would've done it months ago.

there's only one solution to this problem, and that's to avoid kazuha like the plague.

it makes sense, right? just ignore it until it goes away? because there's no other way for you to get over this. you're starting to dream about kazuha; about kissing him, about holding him in your arms, about being with him. so maybe if you see him less, the thoughts will go away.

it starts with you not going to the café anymore. when kazuha texted you and asked why you hadn't been showing up, you brushed it off with a lie, saying that you found a place with better coffee. he asked what the place was called, but you left him on read. (a very adult move.)

then, you stopped making eye contact whenever you passed by him. it was hard for a few days since you missed seeing his eyes light up whenever he saw you, but you had to be strong. you're better than this, dammit. don't think about how dejected he might look when he realizes that you're avoiding him — don't you do it!

after that, you stopped going out with the twins if kazuha was going. every time they suggest something, your first question is if he is going to be there. if the answer is yes, you make up an excuse to stay home. lumine was really fucking upset with you for bailing because of some petty argument that she thought you two had, but when she pieced it together that you weren't going to budge, she gave up trying. (man, you wish it was just some argument — disputes can be solved. not feelings.)

lastly, you straight up walked away from him if he approached you. you wouldn't just ignore his presence, of course — you're an asshole, not a monster — but if he tried to make conversation, you would cut it short and hightail it out of there.

"it's been a few weeks since we've talked." kazuha sounded so pleased when he managed to stop you one day. you didn't know why you let him catch up to you, but once he got to you, you couldn't just up and leave. so you decided to hear him out. "have you been well?"

no, you wanted to say. not in the fucking slightest. but you're grown — fake it 'till you make it, baby. you nodded and gave him your best smile. "yeah. better than usual, actually."

you watched kazuha's face fall ever so slightly. he was quick to fix his mistake; his usual smile returned to his face in an instant. if you were anyone else, you wouldn't have noticed. but you noticed. you'll always notice. "i see." he said. "that's good to hear."

because you didn't want to be subject to his quickly declining mood, you excused yourself. "i gotta run, but i'll see you some other time, okay?" you said. (like a liar.)

anyone could have seen the glimmer of hope that appeared in kazuha's eyes. "of course. be safe, please." he gave you a little wave as you took off.

after about three weeks of not seeing kazuha, you think yourself to be cured. huzzah, it worked! sure, you're still daydreaming about him, but it's not as vivid if you can't see him every day! he hasn't texted you or approached you outside in a couple days which, admittedly, stung like hell, but it's for the better. kazuha can focus on lumine without you in the way, and you can move on with your life.

you spend most of your time in the library these days. lumine's been super pissed at you lately — probably because of the whole kazuha thing, but you're not sure why she wants you to spend time with him so badly. to avoid potential conflict, you hole yourself up in here. being surrounded by books (reminds you of kazuha) makes you feel at peace; it's so quiet in here, which makes it easy to focus on work (which in turn helps you stop thinking about kazuha).

the library is empty today, save for a few people seated at the tables on the other side of the building. you're standing in front of a bookshelf skimming through a book when you suddenly hear a soft whisper of your name. thinking it's aether, you prepare a shitty excuse for why you're not home, but when you see who it is, your blood goes cold.

it's kazuha. you haven't seen him in three whole weeks.

you swallow back your apprehension as best you can. "hey, what's up?" you try to remain as casual as possible. "do you need one of the books behind me?"

kazuha's brows draw in a little. "are you asking that so you can make your escape?" his comment is a little pointed — so pointed, in fact, that you visibly wince and give yourself away. he sighs when you do. "i was hoping that i wouldn't be correct. have i done something wrong?"

that's just like him — straight to the point. you flounder for an answer. "of course not." you shake your head.

"then is it alright if i ask why you've been avoiding me?"

"what? why would i do that?" your eyes slowly drift to the side. you're not too fond of all the attention you're getting right now.

"you can never make eye contact when you're hiding something." kazuha walks closer to you, but you keep your eyes on something else. "you won't even look at me. i must have done something to cause this."

no, no, no, he's blaming himself! stop him! you force yourself to make eye contact with him, but wither under his stare. you look away again and your face starts to grow hot. "you didn't do anything, kazuha," you say honestly. "i promise. "i've just been busy, that's all."

kazuha doesn't back down. "i've heard from lumine that you've been spending time here instead of at your home. she's worried about you. she-- i'm worried about you."

"don't do that," you blurt. you're starting to breathe a little faster, you notice. "stop worrying about me. you shouldn't." kazuha starts to retort, but you cut him off with a shake of your head. you turn around and put the book back in it's place. "look, i need to go. please move."

you never wanted to be so forceful with him — so cold. but what else can you do when cornered like this? he's desperate and you can tell, but so are you. you don't want to confront your feelings anymore. you just can't. you're tired of feeling like a shitty person for being in love. this is the only way you can make it stop.

kazuha doesn't make it easy for you, though. when you try to move away, he steps closer, invading your space. "if there's something wrong, you would tell me, right?" his voice is so soft, so mellow. it's like a hug, which you could really use right about now. normally, you'd get that from kazuha, but well... you don't answer him, nor do you look at him. kazuha then takes your chin in his fingers and gently makes you face him. "would you please look at me?"

your eyes land on him and it's like the world's faded away. there's so much rolling off of him at once; unease, comfort, and suspicion all hit you at the same time, and it overwhelms you. you don't like how tender this moment feels. he's so close — too close. you can smell maple and cedar, and not because you're wearing his sweater (which you didn't realize until just now). autumnal eyes threaten to take you under and you feel your eyes start to sting. "kazuha, let go." your voice wavers and your heart throbs. "please."

you wish you could read his mind. his eyes search your face, though you're not sure what for. the seconds of silence that tick by are excruciating, but when they finally come to an end, kazuha lets you go. his hand falls to his side and he steps away with a bitter smile. "i'm sorry. i fear i may have made the problem worse."

that's putting it lightly. you step around him wordlessly, but before you can get too far, kazuha catches your hand in his, stopping you. you don't turn around. you can't.

"i miss you." kazuha speaks at a whisper, a volume so low that you shouldn't have been able to hear it. but you heard it. whenever he speaks, you listen with your entire being.

he lets you go after a few more seconds and you take the opportunity to grab what stuff you have and make a beeline for the exit. you fumble for the doorknob on the way out; your vision is too blurred by tears for you to make it out properly. you manage, and you set off towards home, where you're going to ignore lumine yet again and mope in your room.

(and as you cry to yourself that evening, you can only think of the way you saw kazuha's eyes fall to your lips as he held you in place. you think of how badly you wanted to confess everything to him and clear the air for good, but you also remember what you were tasked with. this is for the better, you tell yourself. this is for the better.)

iv.

kazuha should have never agreed to this.

honestly, what was he thinking? why did he allow lumine to play matchmaker? he has two legs and a functioning mouth; he could have walked up to you and started a conversation himself, no problem. things would have been so much easier if he had just swallowed his pride and spoken to you like a normal adult. but no, he just had to go along with this idea.

in retrospect, it seemed like a good idea. but perhaps he's been reading too many novels. meeting through a mutual friend is a lovely concept, but it would appear that it only works in fictional worlds. he'd hoped to just spend time with you through lumine, but somehow, you got the wrong idea and started trying to push him onto her, which made no sense. and not only did it not make sense, but it completely backfired — you're absolutely miserable now and so is he.

kazuha's not an idiot. he knows that you have feelings for him. and the only reason he knows is because you seemingly reciprocated when he approached you romantically. he thought he was being obvious — giving you a plushie, holding your hand, lending you his sweaters, resting his head on your shoulder during movie nights... you accepted it all. he wasn't being subtle at all, right?

so then how? how on earth did things end up like this? he asks lumine as much when they meet up a few mornings later.

"they've been ignoring me too," lumine grumbles, "you aren't special."

right, because that helps. kazuha buries his hand in his hair. "every time i try to talk to them, they manage to slip through my fingers."

lumine frowns at him. "are they actually slipping away, or are you letting them get away?" he must take too long to answer, because she tuts at him. "if this is because you don't want to overwhelm them, then you're being stupid. they're overwhelming themself with this whole... thing, okay?"

but he's too much for you, he wants to say. every time he comes around you, you look about ready to explode. you look so torn, and he hates it. he just wants you to smile at him again. "at the very least, i want to repair our friendship." he sighs. it hurts to even think about keeping you at a distance, but if that's what it takes for you to come back, then... "they cried on their way out of the library the other day."

lumine's expression falls. he's never seen her look so saddened before. "yeah, i heard."

"you heard?"

"our walls may be thick, but our doors aren't." she grimaces. "the sniffing told me all i needed to know."

there's a tense silence. neither of them know what to say because in the end, this is their fault. this whole misunderstanding and your pain? that's on them. if they want to solve this--

"you have to confess." lumine voices kazuha's thoughts out loud. "that's literally the only way this is gonna stop."

while kazuha acknowledges that she's correct, there's two ways that this could go. you would either: a) accept his confession, start dating him, get married someday, and live happily ever after, or b) turn him down and hate him for causing this whole misunderstanding, leaving the two of you to be miserable forever. either way, life as he knows it now is going to end — how it ends is purely up to you.

kazuha agrees to do so and asks lumine for your whereabouts. despite not being on talking terms for a while, she still knows where you are. (it's how we care for each other, she explains.) as he walks, he lets his head fill with thoughts of you.

unsurprisingly, you're all he's been thinking about. you're all he ever thinks about, really. he thinks about the way you tried to hide your joy when he gave you that plushie in the arcade that day; the way you flustered every time he "jokingly" kissed your hand; the way you seemed to melt into his clothes whenever you wore them; the way you seemed to read his mind whenever you couldn't help but stare at him, the way you would smile when he felt warm at having been caught staring back.

he huffs a laugh to himself. it's hilarious how after all that, you still thought that he liked lumine instead of you. honestly; you two have nearly kissed several times, and yet you think he liked someone else? your mind will never cease to amaze him, beautiful and strange as it is.

kazuha comes to a halt under a canopy of trees with bright red leaves. the change in seasons has turned the campus into a beautiful landscape; all of the usual resting spots were less inhabited by others, which made them the perfect escape for people like him. you're seated on a bench underneath those trees with your nose buried in a book and, if he squints, he thinks you're wearing his scarf. you're exactly where lumine said you would be. perfect.

deciding not to wait until his nerves get the best of him, kazuha approaches you and sits a little ways away from you on the bench. right away, he notices the way you go completely still, your shoulders visibly stiffening. he sighs internally. how should he speak in order to not scare you away? it's a miracle you haven't just up and walked off, actually.

"...why are you here, kazuha?" you ask flatly. you sound like you're holding something back. "what do you want?"

"you're not going to leave?" he asks in return.

you shake your head. "i don't see the point in running from you anymore."

so you finally admit that you were running. it'd be humorous if it didn't sting so bad. "you're going to listen to what i have to say?" he asks again for good measure. when you nod again, kazuha takes a steadying breath. he just needs to get it out there. he needs to let you know. it shouldn't be hard — it's not hard. he may as well have told you already with the way he treats you. just say it.

and say it he does. "i'm in love with you."

immediately, you rise to your feet. kazuha balls one hand into a fist as he fights the urge to pull you back down. if you want to leave, then so be it. he told you, and that's all he can do; whether or not you believe him is purely up to you. you stay standing for a while, and he can see you clenching and unclenching your fists over and over, but eventually, you sit back down. you rest your book to the side and put a hand over your eyes.

"are you alright?" kazuha dares to ask.

you laugh humorlessly. "of course not. you're not supposed to like me, kazuha. please don't do this." you start to bounce your leg rapidly. "take it back, or... or something. just don't get my hopes up."

he scoots closer to you cautiously. when you don't back away, he keeps moving until your shoulders are touching. he calls your name softly and you shake your head sharply. "stop saying my name like that. would you stop being so... so nice to me? i'm gonna get the wrong idea."

"you're not getting the wrong idea," kazuha keeps his voice low. "i'm telling you the truth. and the truth is that i'm in love with you." he rests his hand over your free hand on the bench. "is that wrong of me?"

"yes! i mean-- no? ugh, fuck you." you sniff and swipe your hand over your face. kazuha tries to get a good look at you, but you turn your head away, keeping him from doing so.

"i'm in the wrong." you finally say after a while. "i was supposed to-- you and lumine were supposed to be a thing, not-- not us. but i... fuck," you pause for a second to sniff. "i fell in love with you anyways, and i just feel like a terrible person, okay? i ignored you because i wanted to just... stop feeling like shit, i guess. i wanted to forget about you and this stupid deal that i made with lumine and--"

kazuha taps the underside of your chin twice. you take a moment to collect yourself and slowly turn to look at him. "what do you want?" you ask. it's spoken harshly, but there's no bite to your words.

"did you forget?" he asks.

"wh-- no. god, no. i could never." you give him a wry smile. "unfortunately, you're all i think about, so no. you didn't let me forget. thanks for that, by the way."

one more time, kazuha thinks. just one more. "i love you." he says.

your lashes flutter and your face warms. "i love you too, kazuha. but-- mmh--"

that's all kazuha needed to hear. he leans in and kisses you, silencing your thoughts. he hears you sigh into the kiss and you start to kiss back, but he pulls away slightly before you can. "can you say it again?" he murmurs against your lips. "one more time."

your breathing is shaky, but you speak anyways. "i love you."

kazuha kisses you again. "once more, petal. please."

"you're so greedy," you chuckle shakily. "i lov-- mmf--" kazuha kisses you again but you pull back with a laugh. "at least let me finish my sentence--"

"no." kazuha drinks in your laugh when he kisses you this time, his skin singing at the contact. he's wanted to this for so long -- wanted to kiss you silly and hear you laugh. you're all he's wanted this whole time, and he's not going to pass up this opportunity to let you know. each time you try to speak, kazuha kisses you to shut you up. and each time, it makes you smile wider. you kiss until you can't anymore — you're both smiling much too wide.

"do you still think you're not supposed to be with me?" he asks cheekily.

your face doesn't fall at his question. that spark that your eyes held a few weeks prior is back and brighter than before. you look renewed — you're glowing. while basking in your glow, kazuha wonders if he is, too. you lean in and kiss him quick, resting your forehead on his when you pull away. "don't ask stupid questions." you chuckle. "i said i loved you, didn't i?"

kazuha hums. "and i said the same. so what now?"

"i dunno." you sigh and lean away. "we tell lumine, i guess?"

he squeezes your hand. "about us?"

you nod. "about us."

(when you get home and tell her later, she yells: "fucking finally!" and pulls you in for a hug.)

✦ *bows* and that's what i call a job well done.

✦ seriously, i hope you guys liked it 🥰

#genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #kaedehara kazuha x reader #kazuha x reader #[ ✍️🏽 — scribbles! ]

[hollownoire]

Current W.I.P's and Future Plans! Exciting Shit!

A lot of ya'll may have noticed I've been kind of quiet or otherwise preoccupied lately, and that's because there's a ton of really exciting stuff I'm currently working on! :3

There's a lot I wanna share, so for those of you who are interested this post is gonna go over all of the stuff I've been doing lately, a glimpse at what things might look like for me down the line.

TL:DR : Taking art more seriously, tons of art studies and practice, just finished moving, drawing projects and W.I.P's, working on making a YouTube channel and picking up filmmaking?!?!?!?!

So, a bit ago I set off to do this 30 day "learn to draw" practice/routine/program thing by Marc Brunet on YouTube.

I picked it up because I've felt like I lacked a lot of knowledge regarding space and perspective that you'd typically learn practicing the fundamentals of art. I understood that I needed to make things look three dimensional, and had the smallest grasp on how to do that, but the core understanding and experience was something I lacked.

For anyone trying to learn how to draw, I highly recommend checking out this video and giving it a go! I'm not going to go over every single day's exercise I did, partly because I didn't actually finish the whole program... (There's so much to do lately hnngn)

But, I made this thing! Tada!

I'm also delving into making my first drawing timelapses in clip studio with these next couple of projects I'm currently working on...

One of them being a commission for a friend's DnD character, a sort of gambler themed vigilante called "Vermillion" that was made for my DnD setting, Benediction. Here's the progress I have so far on our resident card-thrower:

...Neat, right? This drawing was one of the most recent ones where I'm really trying to challenge myself with perspective, foreshortening, and composition work. I've fallen in love with painting and you'll most likely see it as a permanent addition to my art style.

A lot of that is thanks to Bluebiscuits, who's art style has been a massive inspiration to mine for a very long time. Their art guides have been invaluable to my creative growth, and they deserve all of the support they could possibly get.

They have a patreon, so maybe check that out if you're interested in their work. :>

The other big project I'm working on is actually design work for a very important character I'm making. This is tied into the potentiality of YouTube and all that would entail, so bare with me for this next part.

It's a kind of...mascot, of sorts. An evolution of my avatar(s) that I've been fucking with on and off for years at this point. It's kind of important to get that nailed down, because...well, it's the first thing people are gonna see when they check out my stuff, so, I needed to make a "face" for my art.

Especially if I want to do YouTube. Which...I do! I've wanted to have a creative outlet like that for a while. I have tons of things to say and share, and a lot of it would probably be best off in video format.

Plus, then I get to have an excuse to design an eldritch girl-thing to be on screen and talk for me. Yeah, the second project is a RantSona. I mean...it's more than just a rantsona, but this design has been workshopped to be used for that...while also doing other important things! Like being a hot eldritch horror-lady generally. A suitable vessel for my creative endeavors >:3

Meet "Hollow", or, I guess the early blueprints of Hollow. Hollow-to-be if you will:

Presto! What will most likely end up being my..."Mascot"? My avatar...thing. Me. Me but way cooler.

On the side there you can see some early attempts at making a good "talking mouth", all of which....didn't...look great. Mouths are hard it turns out! Even harder when you're making a puppet for entertainment purposes.

One day, one day there will be a marketable Hollow plush. One day.

I still have tons of work to do, I mean, look at this shit:

I have a lot to do. That drawing up there is the result of like...over a couple of weeks of design-work, reference gathering, and notetaking.

Which you cant get a little looksie at down here:

This was the early framework for giving myself direction. Haven't really ever done something like this for an art project, so it's been really damn cool seeing where it's led me. I'm definitely going to be using this kind of "set up" going forward for my creative endeavors.

In a way it feels like all of my progress so far was put to the test. I buckled the fuck up and really started trying to chisel at something...big. I made myself a work schedule, a posting schedule, and am (trying) to wake up at 9:00 every day to squeeze in as much time as possible.

I'm getting side-tracked, but, yeah! Framework! Moodboards! Milanote:

Milanote is actually fucking GOATED, I'd be absolutely crippled trying to make this project work without it's help. Those two little design sheets I made by hand in clip studio took honest to god days to make, when I could have used Milanote to just make a mood board...reference....thing...instead.

I ended up doing that regardless, cause I needed to make a vibe board to refer to during the building of Hollow's outfit/body design, which is also the stage I'm currently on in the whole process.

Literally all of it is just drag-and-drop. I didn't even need to download all of these images, cause Milanote just lets you drag an image off of a website and shove it in that bitch all easy-like. It's incredible.

You can add text, links, images, yadda yadda yadda, this sounds like a sponsorship but I am in fact just sharing the gospel of this unit of a website. It's good, it might help you, check it out? Do whatever you want.

Anyway, after making a good enough pool of references I started working on Hollow's body/outfit. I'm extra, so I wanted something eye-catching that won't...hopefully...be too distracting in a video. I mean...well, if its distracting in a bad way. I do like having eyes on me, after all. ;]

I've been rambling, so I'm going to try to be more concise from this point onward.

In order to really nail the character design I need to communicate the important bits effectively. That means a strong silhouette, shape language, design, and conveying the character properly. I mean, I'm trying to make an eldritch horror girl, here, if you can't tell that on first glance I did something wrong.

In summary, I gave myself six dummies to practice on. Using my candy pile on milanote I pick and choose various elements from designs I like and incorporate them into my own while keeping in mind the important elements I listed in my outline from earlier.

Ideally, by the time the sixth is finished, I'll have a good idea of what I like and don't like about each one, and can compile all of that into a "Pre-final draft" where I put it alllll together :3

The main thing is I'm trying to make her clothing look like it's a part of her. Kind of organic. Able to be changed at her will, her skin, basically. So there's lots of carapaces and warframe-like skin material there.

I'm very pleased with how it's going so far. Even just the second iteration looks fuckin' fantastic imo. Very Arrancar/Vasto Lorde (From Bleach). Good shit.

That's basically it. I probably skimmed over a lot of stuff, but at this point the caffeine and vyvanse is wearing off, and I'm crashinnnggg.

Before I go, the film I'm making. Yeah, so I needed practice learning a video editing software, especially if I was going to fuck around with a rantsona, so I've been editing a ton of Lethal Company footage I've saved over...quite a long damn time.

I wanted to do something a little bit more on-theme with me, my aesthetic, and the shit I want to do in the future, rather than just mash a bunch of "hehe funnies" together and call it a day. There will still be some of that, it is lethal company after all, but I wanted to be a little bit more dramatic than that...

The result is a meta-ey surreal analog horror style experience with some elements of an ARG. The primary premise is an artist's descent into madness, the game being "haunted", the power of belief, and artistic depictions of very real struggles I and many others have. Depression, isolation, loneliness, feelings of disconnection, and other things of that nature.

I find the contrast very fascinating. I've even reached out to several...oh god what's the word...? Music artist. Not musician. People who make digital music, like game OST's. Those.

I reached out to some people including a close friend of mine and "CAMA", one of the folks who contributed to making the sound overhaul mod "Lethal Resonance" for lethal company, for permission to use music, or in my friend's case make original music for the film. (My sentence structure is falling apart, I'm so sorry I'm almost done).

Cama has a soundcloud, check it out and give them some support, their music makes my ears happy.

Okay. That's it. I don't currently have a set title for this short film yet, but I do have a placeholder (That may just end up being the actual title. I don't fucking know dude, dinner is still cooking.) that I'll leave you with,

"I am not me."

If anybody actually read all of that, congrats! You're now one of my favorite people. Take care of yourself <3

#artists on tumblr #lethal company #filmmaking #oc artwork #art oc #digital art #digital artwork #digital painting #digital drawing #digital sketch #digital illustration #oc #art #my art #digital artist #hollownoire #hollowsays #hollowfood #youtube #art study #Youtube

[tianhai03]

Can you stop being such a cunt, tranny. "I have a job and barely any free time anymore. who are you to tell me what to do. go learn some manners before you say anything under my art again" You sell prints, when you didn't pay the artist for the characters or their time, and want to talk, bitch. maybe stop selling other people's characters, and acting like a beggar, constantly giving out your inprnt store. Tell you what, since you value your time so much I value Capcom's time, and am reporting your inprnt account. Shut the fuck up, you stupid, degenerate loser. Your art sucks.

wow, it's my first time being called a slur! isnt that a big accomplishment. thanks for wasting your time coming all the way to here from twitter just to hide behind anon and say vile shit to me. why didnt you just comment on my tweet? you couldve saved a couple of minutes doing that. or is someone too scared to say shit to me directly to my face?

as for the inprnt thing, i never begged anyone to buy my stuff. i literally started selling my prints because people have been asking it for years, and ive stated MULTIPLE TIMES that no one should feel obligated to buy anything from me because its not my main income and its just a side extra thing i do. PEOPLE WANTED PRINTS OF MY ART, THEY ASKED FOR IT FOR LITERAL YEARS, AND IM JUST GIVING THEM WHAT THEY WANT. if youve ever seen me beg people to buy my art please let me know because i sure as fuck dont remember doing it. the only reason why i post my inprnt stuff so often is because the site has sitewide sales often, and if i have a way to let people pay less for my art if they want to im going to give them exactly that.

i know selling stuff with other people's IPs isnt exactly legal, its a big grey area that has no 100% rights or wrongs. but im not actively harming anyone just because i made art of a character and sold it online. the big companies arent losing any money because of me, you can always take the money youre paying for my prints and just buy official merch. i dont care. im going to repeat myself again and tell you that im only selling prints FOR THE PEOPLE WHO WANT IT AND CAN AFFORD IT. IF YOU DONT WANT IT THEN ITS NOT FOR YOU.

if you think selling fanart is so wrong, think back to all the times youve seen a voice actor for a show or a video game commissioning artists to draw the characters they voice. according to your logic, even though theyve spend their own time and effort on a crucial part of the character, theyre still not allowed to commission stuff of that character because they dont own the rights to them. does that mean youre going to report them too? are you gonna go to capcom and tell them "HEY MR. NICK COMMISSIONED SOMEONE TO DRAW A BUNCH OF RESIDENT EVIL CHARACTERS FOR HIS STREAMS AND HE DIDNT PAY BACK THE ENTIRE RE TEAM FOR THEIR TIME AND EFFORT MAKING THE GAME. THE ONLY THING HE DID IS VOICE LEON YOU GUYS NEED TO STOP HIM"? of course not, you'll look like a fucking idiot. i might not own the characters either, but ive spent my own time and the drawing skills ive developed over the past decade to draw those prints. i own the rights to my drawings and i should be allowed to do anything i want with them as long as im not harming anyone.

clearly you cant stand me or anything i do but youre still following me for some reason. please for the love of god block me right now, leave me alone and live your own life. you'll be happier that way. and also stop being transphobic its literally 2023.

#allyanswers #Anonymous #ask #// transphobic slur #sorry that i had to put terrible things on everyone else's dashboard. not gonna do it often i promise #long post

[frecklystars]

I want to say real quick, again, thank you guys so much for sending me asks. The messages just keep pouring and I cannot put into words how much it means to me, how much I need them right now. I know writing messages takes energy, and half of you don’t even know me, some of you are even saying “oh I just followed you today, I hope you feel better” and!! That’s so kind!!! I fucking love you guys. Thank you for using your time and energy, choosing to write to me. I know I’m just a stranger on the internet, but across the screens, you’re helping a real breathing person heal.

I missed so many of you, even the people I only interacted with one time, like for a commission you bought from me, or maybe you wrote a nice tag on my art, I do remember you fondly. I always remember when someone is kind to me because I didn’t grow up surrounded by kind people; when I recognize acts of kindness, I really hold onto it. 

To the newcomers, welcome to my blog, and I’m so sorry you’re seeing me like this. I want to say I’m not normally in such devastated state, but I’ve felt so incredibly hopeless for such a long amount of time, I’m not quite sure how to be my old self again. I’m really hoping I can heal one day, and it feels a little bit more possible because of your support. It’s so touching that there’s so many of you who are like “oh I just found your blog today and I’m sending you so much love”. You’re seeing me in such a raw, wounded state, and yet you’re still willing to extend your positivity even though you don’t know me. It means so much.

I cannot tell you how comforting it feels to open my inbox and my dms and re-read all of these messages you’re sending me. And then I’ll refresh and suddenly there will be more. I promise you I am reading every single one of them, and I am slowly but surely answering as many as I can, even if I’m so slow at it, I’m very rusty from not speaking to almost anyone for nearly 9 months lol. Not only do I feel encouraged when you’re lifting me up like this, but spending a few minutes distracting my mind from the traumatic events by focusing on reading your words, it helps to ground me. When I feel more vulnerable to flashbacks, whether it’s just that kind of day where I wake up and the wounds are reopened, or maybe I’ve been triggered by something and my emotions are raw, I’ll try to open my inbox and read your messages again, to try to ground myself. Some of you are even worried about putting content warnings onto your asks, which is so sweet. I promise you you don’t have to do that, but that’s so incredibly nice of you to even think about that. You don’t have to worry about whether your transformers URLs are going to make me flinch, or if there’s pink profile pictures, or if you mention Starscream or Knockout or Megatron or Bee or literally whomever. Just the fact that you’re being careful with me, that’s so sweet, I can’t believe how all of you, 100% of you, have taken me seriously. None of you have made fun of me, none of you have put me down for being scared -- hell, even non-self shippers have told me they support me in my journey to reclaiming the many characters I’ve lost. I think I’ve reached over 100 messages in the last three days that I’ve returned, and all of them are nothing but kind and empathetic. I’m shocked. 

I really thought I was going to be in this alone. I really didn’t expect anyone to believe me. A few of M’s close friends blocked me back when she was manipulating me, and it hurt, because I didn’t even know what I had done wrong. No explanation, I had lost a few people who I thought I was close with. And it was just more fuel for her to tell me how she would think I’m special, that she would never leave me like that. I was scared that when I’d return online, everyone would shun me, that she might be spreading rumors about me (which she is known to do). But I’ve even had FIVE PEOPLE come forward in the last two days and say “I know who you’re venting about, even though you didn’t say her name, and she hurt me too. She hurts a lot of people and I’m sorry she hurt you. Don’t let her ruin Transformers for you, it’s yours.” I felt so relieved to hear I wasn’t alone, that we’re not alone, that I’m not going crazy. Thank you guys for validating my feelings. 

My ask box is always open, my dms are always open (when they’re not being glitchy lol) and none of you should ever worry about “being too overwhelming” when sending messages. You’re not tiring me out, you’re not making me feel pressured to respond. You’re all making me feel seen. You can send me 500 supportive messages and I am going to read all of them. I had no idea how much I needed support until I received it. I burst into tears the first time you guys started messaging me because I was awash with relief. You’re all really helping me get onto the path of healing and I appreciate you so much. Thank you for helping me and thank you for being patient with me as I heal. 

#woof #im so scared that i cant get better. but so many of you keep insisting that i WILL get better #and man i hope you're right. i cant tell you how lonely it feels without my starlight :( #that love is still deep inside of my heart somewhere... i just dont know how to find it again #but all of you supporting me is seriously helping me so so so much #...also it's 5 in the morning and i couldnt sleep bc of a nightmare fhdhfj so. here i am #reading more messages and it helps me forget the nightmare and focus more on the Support #i was so isolated and lonely for so long. only filled with the belief that im unworthy of love #that my own comfort characters would *enjoy* hurting me #and im so shocked seeing these waves of kindness from so many of you #im not used to people being nice to me bc i spent so long being with one person who hurt me repeatedly #so each time i get a new Nice Message im like. surprised all over again #ok im gonna try to go back to sleep now bc i have a bartending shift at the theater in a few hours #im so excited! i genuinely love to bartend at the theater and i love getting to watch free shows #but i wont be able to pour any drinks if i am falling asleep at the counter sdlfjsdf #the nightmare really shook me up so i might be slow to responding when im home from work #but i will try to get back to as many as i can today. u guys are so amazing. thank you.

[outoutdamnspark]

So I Took An Accidental Hiatus...

Y’all I’m so sorry for complete and total silence for the last... *checks notes*

MONTH?!

It’s been a really weird time for me recently; work got super duper busy all through May, so we were pulling long hours and extra days, plus my bosses decided they needed a target to vent all their stress out on, and guess who the lucky winner was? 😖

(One of them literally called me “a fucking joke” to my face, and then dragged my coworkers over to publicly shame me for “being so fucking slow” after I had just come back from my lunch break.)

So I said fuck it and went searching for a better job. Which I found! I started just this week! It pays slightly less per hour, but I get full benefits, better hours, and the chance to work for commission.

Maybe I’m petty, but it brought me great amusement when one of the old bosses practically begged me to stay and tried to bribe me with a $0.50 raise and a promise of aaaalllll the possible benefits they’ve been "looking into getting for everyone” for the past two years. When that didn’t work I got to watch them scramble to try and fill my position before I left, hire two new people, and then have one never show up and the other get fired on her second day. I’ve been told my position will be waiting for me if I ever decide I don’t like my new job. XD Sorry, but no.

Also? Apparently the day after I left, the boss that had tried to bribe me was panic-texting, telling everyone about how she’s “looking into benefits” and “we appreciate all of you so much!”

(On a better note aside from that whole mess, I was also out of town for a little bit right after my birthday to visit my mom. Which was nice, it just meant I wasn’t home.)

But yeah.

Because of all of that, my work/life balance has been utterly fucked, and my social life, romantic life, personal time, and creative projects all took a massive nose dive. When I say I barely spoke to anyone, I do, quite literally, mean I barely spoke to anyone. 😭

I’m hoping that with a less physically demanding and mentally exhausting job, I can get the hard restart I desperately need. I’ll be in training for a few weeks still, but my new manager is awesome and I’ve already had a little more energy the past few days since leaving my old job.

So for everyone I’ve left hanging for a month, I am so sorry. I’m gonna be working on easing myself back in to being online again. Thank you for sticking with me. 💕

~ Isaac💥

#spark speaks #*head in hands* fuuuuuuuuuck it’s been A MONTH?!!! REALLY!!??

[its3oe]

Holy hell you all are fucking nuts and I appreciate it so very much. I've got a handful of commissions on my plate now and by no means will i turn down more but i must hold up my gnarled claw and say: anyone who asks me for something after I post this may end up with a bit of a longer wait time than usual but this also may not mean much because I like to work in a very timely fashion. But i can't make any promises also. My disclaimer! Thank you everybody again I'm so very grateful for the boosting and the ko-fis and the commission inquiries it's all crazy to me

[with-love-from-hell]

5 Sides of Human

{Part eighteen}

Genre: Mixed

WC: ~3.9k

CW: pining, some NSFW elements and hints at sex, kissing, anxiety, depictions of anger and verbal aggression, depression,  angst, allusion to past trauma, Barbatos is suspicious af, Storm has a stutter but I am not depicting it with written word consistently, prolly lots of typos lol, spoilers for season 1&2, I'm skipping over/changing some things I didn't like in the main story so it will be a bit different from canon!

Series Masterlist

©️ artwork commissioned by @vivi8bit ©️  

“So what happened to your date?” Storm finally spoke after walking in silence for a few minutes. She and Mammon had decided to take a walk through the courtyard to get some air. Mammon was awkwardly silent since they exited the hall, making Storm feel a bit more uncomfortable with each passing moment. 

“Meh...” Mammon shrugged. “She bailed on me last minute because she met some rich guy at the horse track who promised to take ‘er on a fancy yacht party.” 

“Oh...” Storm looked to the ground sadly. “I’m sorry...”

Mammon stopped in his tracks, trying to process her words. “Wait. What’re you apologizin’ for?”

“Well, I...It didn’t work out, and that’s kind of shitty of her to do that...” Storm shrugged. “And...I feel bad for not going to the ball with you. I know it hurt your feelings.” 

Mammon sighed. “You don’t have nothin’ to apologize for. I’m the one that should be sorry for how I been treatin’ ya.” 

Storm smiled weakly. “Mammon, It’s-” 

“No. It’s not fine.” Mammon shook his head, turning and facing her completely. “I treated ya like shit, and over what? I don’t own you, and ya don’t owe me anything. You can go on a date whoever ya want...it doesn’t have to be me. And after what I said t’ya...” Mammon paused, crossing his arms. “...I hurt ya. Real bad. And I know I did. I knew it would hurt ya, even if I didn’t mean it. I did it on purpose ‘cuz I was hurt...and that ain’t right to do to someone ya love.” 

“Well...” She shrugged dismissively, a sad expression on her face. “I know you didn’t mean it though.” 

“I don’t care that ya know I didn’t mean it!” Mammon snapped, frustrated with Storm accepting the way he treated her. “Ya should be mad at me! Ya should be tellin’ me to beg for forgiveness! Ya should be threatenin’ to never talk to me ever again! Nobody- not even me- should just get away with talkin’ t’ya like that!”  

Storm frowned, unsure of how to respond. “W-Why do you want me to be mad at you?” 

Mammon sighed again, pressing both hands on her shoulders and squatting down to look into her eyes. “I wan’t ya to value yourself as much as I do. Ya shouldn’t accept anyone talkin’ to ya in the way that I did. Ya ain’t ugly, Ya ain’t worthless, ya ain’t stupid, and...and anyone would be lucky to have a girl like you at their side. I...I just wan’t ya to know that.” 

Storm smiled, feeling tears prick the back of her eyes. She captured him in a hug, squeezing tight against his abdomen. “T-thank you, Mammon. That means a lot.”

Mammon blushed, gently resting his hands around her back. “Ya shouldn’t be thankin’ me. It’s the bare minimum to treat ya with respect...and somehow I managed to even fuck that up, like everything else.” 

Storm shook her head. “You’re not a fuck up, Mammon. You have done and said some things that have hurt me, but that doesn’t mean you’re a bad person.” 

Mammon nodded, but he had a hard time believing it. The guilt for how badly he had hurt her was eating him alive, and he knew he didn’t deserve her kindness. There was a moment of tense silence between them as they stood in the middle of the courtyard. 

“Well, I s’pose I should give ya back to yer date now...” Mammon chuckled awkwardly. “We been out here for awhile.” 

“Yeah...But I do feel better now.” Storm smiled, giving Mammon another quick hug. “Thank you.” 

Mammon nodded, approaching the door and holding it open for her. She stopped before walking through the door, looking up at him with glossy eyes. He sucked in a breath, feeling his heartbeat quicken as she took his free hand in hers. 

“I want to save you a dance. so come find me later, okay?” 

Mammon swallowed, only finding the ability to nod in response as she smiled and strolled back toward the ballroom. His breath finally caught up to him as he shut the door, leaning his back against it to get his heartbeat to slow down. 

Sure, she could date whoever she wanted, but fuck...all he wanted in this world was for her to choose him. 

“What in the fuck...” Vivi paused, furrowing her brow as she walked into the chaos in the ballroom. The giddiness they felt in their alone time with Satan was now completely obliterated upon seeing the shit show the remaining brothers had caused in their absence. 

Across the room, a circle of demons appeared to be gathered around Lucifer as he loudly scolded Beel for demolishing the entire buffet table in a fit of blind gluttony, causing the other students in attendance to complain about lack of refreshments. Many also passed whispers about Storm’s sudden fleeing from the ball, and what their association was beyond the exchange program given Lucifers clear lack in hesitation in asking her to dance. Asmo and Heart were in the process of what appeared to be taking the “perfect shot” for a devilgram photo, snatching the tulle from the ceiling and trying to dangle themselves off of them. Below them was Levi, who was being chased around by Sarah with a pair of Cat ears- begging for him to put them on and pose with her for a devilgram photo of her own. Worst of all, though, was the fact that Belphie and Fern were practically all over each other in a furious make-out session, literally right in front of Vivi’s eyes. 

She grimaced at the sight, disgusted with the fact that they were so careless in their public display. She reeled her foot back and kicked Fern hard in the ass, causing them to screech loudly in both pain and surprise. 

“AH! What the hell, Man!” They whimpered, jumping off of Belphie and rubbing the tender spot on their behind where a bruise was quickly forming. “That fuckin’ hurt!” 

“Serves you right. That was gross.” Satan sighed, crossing his arms.

Vivi’s grimace tightened further on their face, seeing their shirt had been buttoned down to the point where it was nearly wide open. “Seriously, Fern? Of all of the demons here, why with the guy who smells like rotten feet?!” 

“Excuse me?” Belphie huffed, standing and re-buttoning his own shirt. 

“You heard me, stink boy.” Vivi narrowed her eyes. “That was the grossest shit my eyes have every seen.” 

“I concur.” Satan chuckled, nudging Vivi on the shoulder with his elbow. “I think my eyes need some bleach now.” 

Fern stuck out their tongue, making a mocking fart noise at them. 

“You four.” Lucifer growled, now approaching the group. His eyebrows were twitching slightly, the lines on his forehead way more exaggerated than before. Tightly wound in his fist was a broken pair of cat ears. Behind him stood Beel, which a shameful expression hidden beneath the mess of food scraps plastered to his lips and cheeks (and somehow all over his hair). Sarah and Asmo whined in frustration for having their pictures ruined a few feet behind him, while Heart and Levi chatted about the new Anime convention coming to Devildom next week. 

Vivi rolled her eyes. “What is it, grandpa?” 

Lucifer shut his eyes, the thin line his lips were pressed into becoming even thinner. “Tonight was supposed to be a fun time for all of us, and yet you all seemed to really make fools of yourselves this time. I thought after that horrific display Mammon pulled we would be done with this. But apparently you all can’t learn to behave for even a minute.” 

“I dunno what you’re talkin’ about old timer. We were having a great time.” Fern smirked at him, only to be met with a deep growl from Lucifer’s throat. 

“Oh, I noticed. It was hard not to when you were nearly screwing each other on the dance floor.” Lucifer retorted, causing Belphie to turn beet red. “Have you no shame?” 

Fern snickered, spitting the words back at Lucifer before having a chance to think about the consequences. “Maybe you’re just jealous that I have more game than you, bird man. Your date clearly ditched your crusty ass!”  

Lucifer took a threatening step forward, causing Belphie and Satan to take a larger step away- clearly not wanting to get involved with how angry Fern was making Lucifer. gritted his teeth, nose scrunched to reveal the tips of his fangs. “You better hope you can suck those words back into your rotten little mouth, otherwise I’ll-” 

“What the- what’s going on?!” Storm darted her vision around the room as she entered, her eyes falling on a very angry Lucifer towering over Fern. She quickly paced over to them, the tension as she approached slowly dissipating as Lucifer took a step back and cleared his throat. He hadn’t really realized how far Fern and his brothers had gotten under his skin until he noticed the entire ballroom was deathly quiet and staring. 

“Oh, Good thing you’re here Storm.” Beel smiled nervously at her. “I thought Lucifer was going to mash Fern into pudding for a minute there.” 

Storm stopped in her tracks, blinking rapidly in confusion. “What?!” 

“It’s nothing you need to concern yourself with now, Storm.” Lucifer sighed, shooting Beel a pointed look. “We’re leaving.” 

Storm felt her heart sink slightly. Her thoughts raced with regret and blame for her bolting out of the room to cause him to want to call it a night early.  “L-leaving? But...We only got to dance to one song...” 

“Well, as you can see, the room has been made a disaster area.” Lucifer gestured around with a sigh. “I’m doubtful the night can be salvaged.” 

“Oh come now, Lucifer.” Diavolo suddenly appeared behind Storm, placing a large hand on her shoulder. She jumped, nearly screaming in fear at the unexpected touch and loud volume at which he spoke. “The night is young, and your brothers were merely making their own merry. What’s the harm?” 

Lucifer sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. When a response wasn’t given, Diavolo clapped his hands together. “Resume the party, everyone. More refreshments will come soon!” 

A few murmurs among the crowd turned into cheers, and the music resumed. The brothers and other exchange students dissipated, leaving Storm alone between Lucifer and Diavolo. 

“I’d hate to interrupt your date,” Diavolo smiled, but behind it was a smidge of a threat, “but, would you mind if I danced with Storm for a bit, Lucifer?” 

Lucifer blinked, glancing down to Storm for a moment. She looked nervous and unsure of herself. Before he could answer, Diavolo gave a boisterous laugh and snatched her arm up in his. 

“Great! I’ll be sure to return her to you, don’t worry!” 

Storm looked back to Lucifer with panicked eyes, unsure of what to do to stop the situation from happening. With a sigh, Lucifer made his way to one of the tables, plopping down in a chair in defeat. How could a romantic evening turn sour so quickly? He wanted the opportunity to show Storm some affection, and perhaps maybe more- but of course he couldn’t get a moment’s rest from his brothers antics. Not even for a split second. And between that and Storm’s anxiety, it was like the moment they had alone escaped him before he could even grasp it. 

He sighed once more, rubbing his temple to sooth the developing migraine at the front of his skill. What a disaster. 

“So, I take it your night has been enjoyable?” Diavolo grinned as he waltzed with Storm, trying to get her to look him in the eyes.

Storm shrugged trying to fight away the growing knot of anxiety that began to redevelop in her stomach. “It’s okay, I suppose. Events where this much attention is paid to me aren’t really my thing, I guess.” 

He chuckled.  “That is a fair point. I’ll admit, I was shocked when Lucifer asked you to the ball. He typically stands idle at events like this and refuses anyone’s hand for a dance. Even mine!”

“Oh, really?” Storm forced a smile, trying not to let it show how nervous she was being held so close to such an intimidating demon. 

“Lucifer is a tough nut to crack.” Diavolo laughed once more. “It takes so much for him to just relax and have a good time. I’m a bit envious that you’ve been able to seemingly do the impossible by getting him to dance at one of these things- or rather, influencing him to change his ways.” 

Storm furrowed her brow as he spun her gently, leaning her into a dip. “What do you mean?” 

Diavolo maneuvered her upright, returning to the normal waltz. “Hmm...I suppose I mean that your connection to him is something rather special. No one- not even in the celestial realm- was able to get him to loosen up or drop his guard. Not his brothers, not me, not Michael...not even Lilith. That really uptight and cold demeanor is the way he had always been, and now it obviously falters when you’re around.” 

Storm stayed quiet for a moment, processing his words. Did she really have that much of an impact on him? 

“-And I have to say...” Diavolo craned his neck so that his face was closer to hers. “It makes me curious about you.”

It took a moment for Storm to really hear what he had said. She jerked her head back slightly, confused as to what he was getting at. “W-what do you mean?” 

Diavolo smiled, but the motion felt intimidating. “What I mean is that I’d like to know what’s so special about you- how you could change someone so drastically by just being...you.” Storm swallowed hard as Diavolo reached up, tracing her jaw with his finger and lowering his voice to a honey-like tone. “You intrigue me, Storm.” 

Storm nervously laughed, wriggling out of his grasp as the song ended. “Ahah, I suppose I should get back to Lucifer now. I’m his date, after all!” 

Before he could protest she scrambled away quickly, maneuvering swiftly through the crowd, leaving Diavolo in the center of the room. Demons quickly crowded around him, trying to get their opportunity to dance with the prince. 

Storm frantically looked for where Lucifer had gone, and breathed a sigh of relief when she saw him sitting alone at one of the tables. She quickly walked over to him, sitting down in the chair next to him. He glanced up at her, offering a warm smile- but there was a distance she felt behind it. 

“How was your dance with Lord Diavolo?” 

“Eh...it was...just...weird.” She shook her head, rubbing the back of her neck. 

“Weird?” Lucifer repeated, eyeing her curiously. “Weird how?” 

Storm sighed. “I dunno. He just intimidates me, I guess.” 

Lucifer chuckled. “Well, he is the future king. I’d say that’s normal for those who aren’t really part of nobility- and it’s even normal for those that are.” 

“No, it’s not that he’s a prince that makes me anxious.” She sighed again. “I mean, maybe it is a little bit, but its more than that. I mean, he’s a very...large man. Like that alone makes me uncomfortable.”

Lucifer shook his head, giving a another soft laugh. “I suppose that’s fair, you are rather small, Storm.” 

She laughed nervously. “I mean yeah, but that’s not all there is either.  It’s even worse with just like...the way he acts around me and talks to me...It makes me feel so icky.” 

Lucifer’s amused smile fell and his tone grew serious. “What do you mean?” 

“It just...” Storm sighed in frustration. “I don’t know. It’s hard to explain. I think he’s trying to flirt or something, but it just feels really possessive.” 

Lucifer shifted his jaw, knowing exactly what she was referring to. He thought back on the way Diavolo would talk about her in her absence, especially since she has returned. The comments he would make about her appearance and desirability amongst other demons, and how he had been pushing his way past others to get to her, like with his faux ‘request’ to dance with her that was actually more of a command. “Hm. That does sound as if it would be uncomfortable.” 

Storm chewed her lip anxiously, unsure of what to make of Lucifer’s reply. “I’m sorry. I probably shouldn’t be shit talking the future king of the Devildom.” 

“It’s quite alright.” Lucifer shook his head. “Your comfort matters to me, and if someone makes you feel uneasy- even if it’s Diavolo- it is imperative for me to know.” 

“Thank you.” She offered him a grateful smile. 

Lucifer returned the smile, offering his hand to her for another dance. She seemed much more relaxed this time as he led her to the dancefloor, this time hovering around the outer crowd rather than going for the middle. As they danced, she rested her head on his chest, soothed by his heartbeat that accompanied the beat of the music. A content smile was plastered on Lucifer’s face, eased by the comfort he clearly brought to Storm and she brought him. 

From the distance, the two were watched by multiple disapproving eyes. Despite now having a different dance partner, Diavolo stole glances at the pair, feeling overwhelming jealous of Lucifer’s clear bond to the small woman. Fern, Belphie, Satan, and Vivi, sat at a table watching, more or less irritated by the fact that their friend was so close to the eldest brother. Leaning against the north wall, Mammon also watched sadly, trying to muster up the courage to interrupt and ask her to dance with him instead. And even further beyond that, nearest to the exit, watched Barbatos. 

His eyes never left them as they swayed with the crowd, trying to gauge the intentions of both individuals. He was unsure of Storm from the beginning, and since making a pact with Lucifer- something he thought no human could ever do- he was even more suspicious of her. Lucifer’s clear infatuation with her was also concerning- it would be unspeakable if any noble demon tried to develop any sort of romantic or sexual relationship with a human. Diavolo’s curiosity and attempts to probe into what was so alluring about her also concerned him. It was as if everyone was under some sort of spell- and he wondered for a moment if she was indeed using some sort of magic to lure them in. It seemed unlikely, especially considering her timidness even after getting used to life in the Devildom, but he couldn’t rule out every possibility.  While he had enough respect for her to not pry into her timelines like she had requested after the Belphie incident- he couldn’t help but feel curious as to why she requested him not to pry. It couldn’t simply be because of mere anxiety...could it? 

He narrowed his eyes as he watched Lucifer press a kiss to the top her her head. He had surely hoped his loyalties to Diavolo wouldn’t be swayed by a simple human, but now...now that he has witnessed more of their intimate interactions, he wasn’t so sure. 

“So...like...What are we now, exactly?” Belphegor pondered aloud, finally able to catch his breath as he stared up at the ceiling of the attic. Fern rested on his chest, a smug smile on their face as they listened to the gentle hum of Belphie’s purr that rumbled through his body. Taking Lucifer’s suggestion at having a bit of shame, they decided to immediately retreat upstairs when they returned home- away from the prying eyes of the brothers and exchange students. Though, given the heated encounter they had earlier in the evening at the ball, one could guess what they had snuck off to get up to. 

“Well...I dunno!” Fern laughed nervously. “What...do you want us to be?” 

Belphie was quiet for a moment, trying to think of an answer. “I don’t know...” 

Fern turned and planted their chin on his abdomen. “I guess like. We could try...dating?” 

Belphie laughed at the weird motion their head took with the rise and fall of his breathing. “I guess I’m fine with that. But...I don’t think we should say anything. If Lucifer finds out that we uh...y’know...I think he’d actually kill you. And then probably me.” 

“Oh, what? So he can go around and mess with Storm, but none of his brothers can have any fun?” Fern poked Belphie in the tummy, causing him to recoil and snatch their arms up. 

“Yes, Fern. He’s a hypocrite. We’ve established this.” He retorted sarcastically.

There was a tense silence for a moment between them. Belphie released Fern’s arms and they readjusted themselves to where they stared up at the ceiling together. 

“Seriously, though...” Fern added, clearing their throat to get Belphie’s attention. “I really...I really do like you, Belphie.” 

Belphie glanced over at them, an evil smile curling onto his lips. “I don't think you would have done some of those things to me if you didn’t like me, idiot.” 

Fern glared at him. “Hey. Fuck you, buddy.” 

Belphie chuckled, turning and snuggling up against Fern. like a Koala. “Fuck you too, Fern.” 

#5 sides of human #obey me mc: Storm #obey me mc: Fern #obey me mc: Sarah #obey me mc: Vivi #Obey me mc: Heart #obey me! #obey me #shall we date: obey me #obey me swd #om! #om! swd #om! one master to rule them all #obey me: shall we date? #obey me: one master to rule them all #obey me mc #my mc #storm

[lazybakerart]

“only so many hail marys a boy can make until he’s rubbed those rosaries to rubble.” fucking poetry. bukowski could never. no seriously baker what is your secret. how long have you been writing? is writing just a hobby for you? how are you so fucking clever? have you considered writing a book? or doing commissions on facfics? because i would uh. i would pay your rent, car insurance, morgage. suck your dick. goes w out saying.

just finished your cherry fic and dude. god i dont know how you do it, your talent is fucking otherworldy. the art of billy for that fic,???????????????? impeccable. indescribable. i kept referencing the picture and fr it made the fic so much more enjoyable to read (not that your writing isnt enough, the art was just the cherry on top AHAHA) and brother ive read a lot. a lot of fanfiction in my lifetime and you are by far the best writer ive come across. everests above anyone else. you write as good as billy looks.

but who is this person behind this gloriously gifted artistically genius mask?? i must know how you are so good 🙏🥺🙏

well you are just the nicest person ever alsdjfhsdgfs. THANK YOU. i've been writing on and off for around 15 years - but i'm not very consistent so i can never do writing commissions XD. i have one original idea for a book! i'm currently struggling through writers block tho T__T so there isnt much writing going on atm (i'm reading more trying to get back into it).

thank you again for the extremely VERY VERY KIND words on my writing and my art. i cannot begin to say how much your kindness means to me. really. i'm a mess now aslkjdlhvdsfashgd.

#replies #YOURE SO SWEET GAWDDD #really really thank you ive been incredibly depressed about my writing and my art lately #and like you magically knew exactly to send me this when i was at my lowest #thank you my dude T__T

[metukika]

ok you needing a second to understand that tumbel in tumblr saved me from my embarrassment for having misread your message xD hell yeah haha

maybe you could write us a lil post about your favorite character & why they are that :D (soz for not doin it myself i‘m not feeling like putting anything out there today)

and don‘t decide that you won‘t ever contribute to a bigger project that touches people yet !!!!!! YOU‘RE SO YOUNG you‘ve got the whole world waiting for you and you‘re ALREADY so good at art though. your art is already touching people, no reason why that shouldn‘t work if you should ever work with others on a bigger project!!! GET OUT THEREEE i mean also take your time but IF YOU WANT THAT ABSOLUTELY SHOOT YOUR SHOT KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN FOR OPPORTUNITIES i‘d personally love to see your work in something bigger :D nothing‘s set in stone <3 <3 <3 !!!

aww thank you so much anon! idk who you are but youre so kind to me... thats so nice!

about the whole future thing... i know i have a lot of time but i think because of some stuff coming up soon (when i leave school) im stressed about the future and my decisions in it entirely. idk what im gonna do if i need to go to the military lol like what job to take... i havent started driving and i dont understand shit about all the other stuff thats attached with going to the military im just stressed in general. i dont wanna end up staying in my parents house forever ig.

but i have a lot of time and i know that even if my connection with my friends fade away when they get recruited (which is... also something that could happen... oh god i dunno how to make irl friends) i still have my family, and probably the online world too. if i open commissions im pretty sure id get some work, but i dont think i could do that too much cuz i hate drawing things i dont wanna draw.

but, again, who knows what will happen. ill be fine haha, especially if there are people like you who care enough to write messages like these. most of my online friends are from twt so its always nice to see a tumblr fan <3 thank you anon.

(im realizing how depressed this is all making me sound like i promise its just my school hammering in the importance of the military signs up like i dont even know what part of the mess ill be in most of the time theyre teaching shit that doesnt concern me. im okay, im not dying!!)

now to actually talk about my favorite character! woohoo! happy topic change!

for the two people who read this and the one thats actually gonna read till the end, im putting a cut so this isnt annoying on ur dash (note to anon: this post is so so fucking long i know u prob asked me my fav character to cheer me up but dont force urself to read this whole thing just to be polite lmaooo but id appreciate it if anyone did cuz holy shit)

something that ive realized a while back is that usually when it comes to favorite characters of media, i have a type.

when i made this the character i had in mind where souda (danganronpa), aiura (saiki k) and teru (mp100).

after making the tweet i also thought of denji (csm) who fits right in, and also bakugou (mha) who doesnt, but he looks like half of the characters i did mention lol.

i think the whole social but nice thing came to because of all those shows and stories where the popular kid in school is the mean bully.. maybe i dislike this trope cuz i havent personally experienced any kind of bullying in my school, even as an observer so i cant relate to the experience of having this type of antagonist. the worst it ever got for me was when in fifth grade a girl made fun of me for crying and no one laughed. (shes still in my class over six years later and shes really nice not ufhduh were not friends but were friendly and i dont hold a grudge). maybe its just cuz im wholesome so i dislike any type of negative character. maybe.

that might sound stupid cuz i said i like bakugou, who i used to think of constantly, like for the entirety of 2021 he was in my mind it was annoying. but idk man not all my favs fit into this category ((shinguuji, saihara, yuuko, tweek (who also looks like them! what the fuck!) yuudai from sakana (why are they all blond?!? and men. more female characters what the fuck) barf bag (yes im an object show fan good morning)))

anyways. i like the popular but nice trope is what im saying. why are they all simps? i dont know honestly only one of the characters that i mentioned at the start is simping for someone i ship them with (terumob) (but the reason i even like teru in the first place might be cuz i saw terumob art, thought it was cute, and decided to search more art. i do that with a lot of characters when i dont watch the show (from the original list ive watched all of saiki k, watched playthroughs of the first 2 dr games, watched like a season of mp100 years ago and watched like 2 seasons of mha even before that. i get my filling of plot and character from meme videos, fanart, and fanfics. i understand enough.) and i get hooked on the ship (more examples include akiangel, kiribaku and the two gay boys from evangelion. a lot of homo happening. also whatever the fic version of this is but with denji and yoshida).

about the simping and the bakugou being mean-- i accept my character's flaws!!! i dont erase them!!! bakugou is an asshole and thats why i wanna see him get punished and learn from his mistakes, even if its a little hard! a great fic where this happens (but isnt the main storyline) is quirk: knife! which is probably my favorite non ship heavy fic, check it out!

my fav characters have flaws but just like how you need to embrace flaws in the people you love, whether that means helping them get better or accepting them, i embrace these flaws cuz it makes them who they are! souda, denji and auira wouldnt be themselves if they werent pushing the lines with their crushes and idk what the fuck bakugou would be if he wasnt what he was.

alright lets actually start talking about my favorite character now.

so, right now, my favorite character of all time is-- ding ding ding-- kazuichi souda! who i already mentioned.

look at him! idk if the one and a half people who are reading this know him, but if u know denji, who is a more popular character atm, then imagine that but more wimpy.

the first time i encountered this character i was watching game grump's playthrough of the second game. i watched their first and enjoyed it but didnt really join the fandom. i didnt know anything about the second so i was going in blind like arin and dan, so theres a chance that whatever i thought about the characters was biased and connected to how they feel.

at first i really liked his design. a lot of the characters have small and complicated details but souda is probably the most simple design, not including hinata, but unlike him souda has a lot of bright colors that draw the eye in! i dont particularly prefer designs with sharp teeth but i think its a pretty nice quirk, since its another part of him that makes him look intimidating. theres a headcanon that he filed themselves but i honestly think he wouldnt do that, and prefer the headcanon that its genetic, even if it makes less sense. but danganronpa, and their designs, dont make sense. i think these little strange quirks are better when they arent thoughtout or have reason. he has sharp teeth becuz. just cuz.

if u dont know what happens in the game im just gonna say that the plot doesnt really matter, cuz really the only growth souda experiences is with his relationship to hinata (the main character) and his trust to his survivor friends that makes him stronger and convinces him to leave the virtual reality. im not gonna be talking about the plot in detail. i also havent watched the anime so im not gonna get into whatever he does there. i do know that he makes some cute faces in it, which is pretty awesome.

but, yeah, besides his design, at the start i truthfully didnt really like him lmaooo he was kind of stalkerish towards sonia (ill prob get into their relationship later), he is also a wimp but honestly... i get it hes stuck in a killing game i would be scared of anything too. i feel like of all of the cast, from all the games, souda is probably one of the best depictions of an actual teenager that might exist. of course he has his obnoxious moments, but in a way that a dumb teenager would have. i dont know when i started liking him, maybe after discovering soudam? hmm.

kazuichi is the ultimate mechanic, which is one of the talents in the game that actually gets used? he makes the communicators in chap 3 and fixes the elevator in chap 4. besides that, he is also important to the second chapter since he helped tie up komaeda and he also brought hinata to the diner, though that has nothing to do with his talent.

he learned to be a great mechanic from working at his dad's repair shop or garage or whatever its called. its mentioned that their family is pretty poor, and i think the concept of a character being at one point or another un-wealthy pretty interesting (did that come strange? sorry). he worked to help get their family money he is a good boy, he mentions being better than his dad too. he doesnt look like the typical mechanic, except from the greasy hair and jumpsuit (im talking specifically about his color scheme) and thats another one of those quirks that make no sense but i just like haha

speaking of his parents, lets talk about a popular headcanon that fans have of souda's dad (before we start i wanna state that my opinion on this topic and the topic of souda relationship towards sonia and his trust issues were all stem from an analysis video of him on youtube, if u know u know, so if i want someone more competent talking about it go there, but if u dont care enough to research it or ure only reading because u like me and wanna hear me talk about something i care about dw im gonna go into detail about these anyways

the hc is that souda's dad physically abuses him. i wanna talk about why dont agree (if u wanna skip this part ill put *** when it ends so just go there <3). this hc stems from a story he tells hinata in one of the free time events where he didnt go to his previous school trips because he wanted to save money for his family, even though he really wanted to go, and he says something along the lines of how his dad "beat the crap outta him" when he didnt go.

do i think his dad hit him? probably. i dont really know how common this type of discipline is in japan, or in places with more un-wealthy people so this might be normal to them. does that make that okay? obviously not. but if the only example we get for him hitting souda is after souda does something good for the family in his own expense, it wont make sense for his father to be mad about it, right? i think he was upset his son had to give up his happiness for them, even if it was to save money. the analysis vid said it might be souda just using more dramatized words for it. He was hesitant to tell hinata that he was picked on at school, i dont think hed just admit to being abused so casually. i think his dad might have smacked him from time to time when he was younger but probably stopped the more souda grew up. if his dad really hated him he wouldnt beat him after doing something that would benefit the dad, is what im saying.

also i think that the way souda acts doesnt reflect someone who would be regularly abused... its not like im an expert, but if we for example look at tsumiki, who was canonically abused and bullied regularly, we can see a great difference. yes, souda tends to be caught off guard or scared of stuff, but usually its less of other people and more about the situation around him. he was scared of monokuma and the monobeasts and the morning after the killing gama announcement. he's also generally not that apologist about his stupid behavior... for example he doesnt feel remorse for tying up komaeda, and even threatens to tie up kuzuryuu too. i also think he said something about wanting to punch one of the other guys? this might be cuz he tends to blurt out his thoughts stupidly and doesnt know how to hold his tongue (something that, if he was abused, would probably get him in trouble) but he never recoils from what he said. he whines about being judged, like after letting slip that he was thinking of sonia in a creepy way, but he never goes back and is afraid that someone might punish him or hurt him. like how tsumiki apologizes for the smallest thing at claims that she'll take any punishment.

it might also be because i generally dont like hcing characters with abusive parents haha. i know for a lot of characters its a part of what makes them who they are, but if thats not the case i feel like its always to excuse the character from some frowned upon trait they have.

its a bit difficult to explain so ill take an example from a different character from a different show. todoroki from mha was abused as a child, and its a part of what makes him him, and its a big part of his character, even if hes not in that situation anymore. i wont deny it. now, theres a hc that some people like to believe about bakugou's parents, specifically his mom, being abusive. this isnt canon. first of all everyone is entitled to hc what they want but a lot of the time i feel this is a way to explain his asshole behavior (also i just love mitsuki). i dont like excusing his fucked up actions and blaming his parents. i think that him being an asshole from the ideals that he himself made is kind of what made him interesting. he believes in what he learned from his own experiences that he and only he had. his stupid child thinking made him the gross person he is, and thats way more interesting than blaming his parents' behavior, like we can do with reason in todoroki's case. todoroki acts antagonistic at the start of the show because of the pressure his dad put on him.

now going back to souda, by making his dad abusive a lot of people linked that to him being a creep towards sonia. while i do see how his parents and their expectations might be a motivator, i prefer to blame souda himself for his wrong actions. i dont want to excuse his actions like that. its more interesting to see him grow from the ideals and reasonings he made himself.

***

now let's talk about his relationship with hinata! woo!

canonically, hinata is the person souda is closes to in the game, even though most of the time hinata is just tolerating his stupid behavior. except in his free time events maybe. their relationship is probably the biggest character development souda gets.

lets talk about his past a little more.

souda tells hinata that he used to be picked on for looking like a nerd. he had black hair (but i hc it more like dark brown, because reminder this is a post gushing about my fav character first and an canalization second), brown eyes (in hc world dull pale brown cuz a lot of the char's eyes are dull and pale colored) and glasses (hc: thin and rectangle shaped). he's not really a nerd... except that he's probably good at math and that type of things, since he builds machines and all. if i remember correctly, he says his bullied got away with what they did because he tends to be naive and trusts too easily. he was also used by his best friend that cheated off of his test, blamed souda for it (which he didnt really mind, showcasing how much not a nerd he is if he doesnt care about his studying and tests like that) and then kinda ghosted after feeling bad. but at the time souda was really heartbroken and felt betrayed, this whole situation gave him trust issues because that his naive heart cant tell when someone really wants to be his friend or if they'll drop him when they dont need him anymore.

souda and hinata start off being friends because souda didnt like any of the other guys enough (fair enough, hinata is the most normal one lol) and he tolerated him enough to go to the diner on the second island to spy on the girls with him. at the time kuzuryuu was still an asshole to everyone, but the two do get friendlier after the second trial (survivor boys bff agenda. i did say "bff coded" didnt i?)

souda tells hinata that after his ex best friend left him, he kinda went through something-- he dyed his hair, put in contacts, and pierced his ears (which i like to think was really scare to him) (and i assume this is when he started to wear bright colors, but i like to think he was always a fan of them (aiura and teru kinnie)) to make himself more intimidating (like i said in the list! remember the list?!) so that he wont be picked on. i assume the bullying he experienced was more emotional that physical, and he was probably called names for his nerdy appearance and was made to do tasks for toxic friends and somethings like that. tsumiki was physically bullied and she has bandages all over her design while souda rolls up all his sleeves and has his collar bone exposed while there is no marks on him. maybe he's have some scars from beginner's mechanical mistakes but thats hc territory.

anyways, because of his appearance change, he got some attention from flirtations girls and said that it had intimidated him. i imagine that while he was in his nerd looking mode, he didnt get much attention from the other sex so when they only started approaching him with the assumption he's some punk badass, that was probably a bit overwhelming for him and thats why he has a strained relationship with the female sex. he does kind of sexualize the girls, specifically in the second chapter, but honestly its not really that bad. it kind of even feels a little forced, like he said nanami had "huge jugs" and wonders if this "is what moe gap is" or something like that but he doesnt even say anything about wanting her lmao. the only girl he really shows any interest is sonia, and he mostly gushes about her beauty, instead of her body. not that thats really any better ofc.

he does get along with some of the girls or at least acts normal and not incel-y towards them, like whenever he's angry at saionji, when he felt awkward next to tsumiki or when he made minimaru for owari (though he did mainly do that to impress sonia). when alter ego enoshima suggest putting him between her boobs or whatever batshit crap she said he just yelled he's get crushed, so like. good for him for not being toooo bad. so yeah i do think there are reasons why souda's best friend woudlnt be a girl (for now, at least) and thats why it really is hinata.

and while hinata has other friends, his and souda's connection is special <3 some examples: he is friends with nanami, but they dont really get each other, or at least hinata doesn't feel too connected at her at times cuz shes like a robot and doesnt really get emotions to the full extent. canonically, his and komaeda's relationship is just not... bros, yknow? whatever it is its not "bros". he and souda are bros. i know that he and kuzuryuu consider each other brothers but i feel like while the friendship they have is great, hinata would be more comfortable just letting loose and being stupid with souda. they could connect by being stupid together and distracting one another from the bad in the world by being fun. cuz souda can be fun when he isnt stressed.

but since souda is an emotional character (i dunno if i mentioned this, if u didnt know souda beforehand hes emotional as shit and cries constantly, my beloved) they can get close the two of them emotionally and are empathetic enough to be able to comfort each other. that is, when souda trusts his enough to do that.

thats right. as much as id like to say souda is loyal like a dog, he doesnt really show that in the game lol. because of his experience with his ex friend, souda has trust issues, which i think i already touched upon (idk this is so fucking long im tryna go thru this one topic at a time but good god) and these issues come up in his and hinata's relationship, mainly chap 4. to put it simply cuz honestly the plot doesnt really matter in this context: souda suspects hinata to be a traitor, and because in chap 4 the characters are not allowed to eat, this probably makes him more stressed and causes him to think even more rationally. after the chap is over, in souda's last free time event, he invites hinata to the beach and order him to punch himself.

his actions are really silly here, but basically: hinata shows in souda trust, which makes souda feel like a bad friend, because he couldnt bring himself to trust hinata even though hinata didnt do anything wrong. he feels that their friendship is unfair and that he's the cause of this problem. so i guess he knows he'll get into an argument or a fight because of it, or maybe he wants to give hinata a reason to not trust him so he bring hinata to the beach so they could fist fight. but souda doesnt like to harm people cuz soda is a good boy tm so he asks hinata to do the work for him (which he does not do lol. they communicate and talk like normal friends). this is where souda tells hinata about his past being bullied, after in the last free time event hinata said he could see souda hanging out with the cool kids, so this is where he confides that hes not a cool kid. anyways souda comes to the conclusion that hes more scared of being a bad friend and a coward because of his trust issued that actually being betrayed, and tells hinata that he'll trust him. hooray!

in my mind they are suchhhh good friends. i dont mind shipping souda with a lot of the characters, but it think their friendship is the most important to me. i love them!

now lets get into his relationship with sonia!

i do, in fact, think that his crush on her is fake. i do think he believes in it. but he does not realize that the created a version of her brought on by her general politeness, her status as a princess and her beauty, in his mind that every day strays farther away from the real sonia. he denies her liking of the occult and other scary stuff that turns him off and he acts shocked when she admits to being a virgin (yikes. at least he doesnt really shame her. i think it just ruins his image of her-- again, yikes-- but he ignores it mostly. like he ignores her, the real her, most of the times)

i dont know why he needs a romantic relationship specifically so desperately, but i can think of why he wants that puppy love admiration that he has for her. she, or at least the way he makes her in his mind, is wildly out of her league. sure he wants a girlfriend, but deep down he knows hell never get her. thats why when she turns him down again and again he only gets hurt for like a minute. she even suggests she would rather he be the blackened in the 4th trial and he gets over it pretty quickly. this is the reason he wants to like someone out of his reach so much-- because he cant get hurt from her. he isnt being betrayed or heartbroken like his ex best friend did to him (yes this is about the trust issues again) because he never expected to be with her in the first place. by expecting failure by chasing a girl that is so so out of his league (a pretty perfect princess) he knows what he gets when hes turned down. to him, this is better than actually making an effort with someone he is genuinely attached to because in that case he might actually get his feelings hurt. we see this with his relationship with hinata, though it isnt in a romantic sense. sadly, after they become close friends, he still chases after sonia, but that might be because the player isnt guaranteed to play all of souda's free time events.

this stuff probably will take time for souda to understand. ofc this doesnt really justify his actions and creepy behavior towards her... i like to think that at some point (i constantly forget that dr is a game about killing each other and the apocalypse, but ig this can take place in here too since they both survive) he understands where his problem stem from, maybe with a conversation with hinata or kuzuryuu and he learns and he asks forgiveness from sonia and changes his behavior. the long and hard way!!! my boy did something stupid and he has to make up for it!!!! he will take responsibility because thats what good character writing is!!

itll probably be difficult to come to terms that the girl in his mind, that i do believe he actually fell in love with, is not real. he will cope <3

briefly i'd like to mention souda's and kuzuryuu's relationship i think they are bffs #2 honestly i feel that the both of them plus hinata could be the best trio they are such wholesome guys from all corners of the bro spectrum let the be friends<333 idk maybe even add owari. owari and souda sibling energy <3 this is just hc territory at this point. mioda and souda sibling energy!!!!! for more kuzuryuu and souda friendship read the fic Fuyuhiko and Kazuichi's Guide to Despair Disease: A How-To Take Care of Your Friends(?) Without Spiraling Out Of Control Story. still a wip.

hmmm that was a lot. lets talk about some hcs cuz believe it or not i dont just think of his as what he is canonically, but also what he could be!

ok lets talk about appearances (still canon atm:) he is short-- one of the shortest guys in the cast cuz fuyuhiko and teruteru dont count (thats a plus) and he is, sadly, pretty ripped. it makes since cuz he prob carries heavy stuff and moves his arms a lot for his talent of being a mechanic but when a (male) character is TOO ripped and not for a good reason (for example theres a good reason why nidai or oowada are physically strong cuz of their talents, and some characters are just himbos that deserve it like momota) i just look at them like :|. but it think souda deserves some strong arms <3 he is a cuddler. he would. i just dont think he's impressively ripped. like i think he could sprint fast, but not for long, and that girls wouldnt flawk him for his arms (if they already knew who he was) cuz all in all he is still a wimp loser and he will stay as such, please and thank you.

im a big fan of his narrow eyes. theyre just. dont make sense on him i love it. just like the sharp teeth, he is blessed with looking the opposite of his personality.

now lets talk about post canon appearances! in the world of canon, where the most tragic event in history happens and they were a part of the despair refinements and they live the neo world program (i always forget they dont live in my lil modern day normal aus, ugh), i think he would wake up still looking like how he did in his depair era. idk how long theyre like that but this is my personal hc: hair that reaches his chest, some ugly dulled down pink still sticking to the tips of his messy hair, no hat </3 but his hair is long enough that he doesnt have that hedgehog thing going on </3, no contacts, no glasses, probably scars over his arms and one over the side of his lips like that rio penguin from madagascar (also curse that show for making my tiny stupid child brain think there are penguins in the desert. at least there are such a thing as beach penguins... hmm). i think he would cut his hair to be shorter that it is in canon, a bit longer than hajime's and would resemble saihara's except brown, parted and no ahoge. he wold be dispensation by the length. he would also wear a cap (the normal way) and with his natural colors back, he would look very snuggble :)) he would hug everyone he would be the comfort giver at least to the survivors (this is the part where u realize how insame i am for him lol)

in a world where the end of it didnt happen, i feel like he would feel kind lonely for a while after school, and wouldnt care enough to wear contacts and would go back to glasses, and he wouldnt dye his hair (i just really like his naturality okay i know i said i liked him at first for his colors but this is character growth! he is learning that he doesnt need to be intimidating to get friends!!!) his hair would be a little longer than canon but not by much. i just have this au where he works in an office and there he meets kamukura (who, personality wise is just hinata but depressed) and they become bffs dont at me, and this is how he looks in that au, wearing a button down without the tie and the sleeves rolled up. i do think hed wear obnoxious colors in his free time tho <3

maybe i should get into ships a little? mostly i shipped him with tanaka because i love me some rivals to lovers that isnt angst filled and is mostly just petty. theys either be salty towards each other or tanaka would be very intense in his friendship and souda would be tsundere-ish, not the obnoxious type tho. imagine how denji acts towards yoshida. (denji and souda are actually really alike. before i knew anything about csm my twt mutual told me id prob like denji cuz i like souda and.. well he was right)

but recently i dont really focus on shipping souda with anyone as much as i focus on his friendship with hinata (am i the only one who watched gg compilations and put their faces behind the silly conversations? like i imagine their sprites laughing while the video plays. is that weird? them and also saihara&momota. cuz theyre the same relationship!!! tactful mc and their friendly dumb bro! they!!!). also if u recall i made that drawing of souda with a bunch of ships so its not like loyal lol.

also why are souda and tanaka together constantly in the anime... i think its the end song where theres a slide show of all the characters in class in places like a picnic and the beach and stuff and the two of them are almost together. theyre at the very least friends. that dynamic where they both look intimidating but theyre both so fucking stupid. frienemies. <333 they are so <333 theyd be friedns at least!!! thank you for the anime for realizing that.

i also like to imagine that he and tsumiki would be friends <3 they were both bullied, they both cry a lot and arent really taken seriosuly, at least when it comes to their emotions. i think theyd hug and cry together and be friends :) also as couple they could be very cute.

i dont really know what more to say... i think this is it! i dont know what about kazuichi souda makes me love him so much. he is flawed but not to the point of being unlikable. he is unique but can easily be related to! i care about him so much... the amount of aus i come up and put him in... i dont post so much about him, but know he is my love. ofc i dont have romantic feelings for him some ppl just thirst over their favs i wanna preface that aint the case. not cuz of his age (im close to him in age) but cuz i just... dont feel and romantic or thristy feelings towards anyone so istg if anyone says something stupid to me about that.

thats all! i think this is the longest post ive ever made? when i got this ask last night i thought id write about all those characters i mentioned at the start but then when i went to bed i thought about my answer and realized i have a lot to say lol.

to the one person who actually read until the end, if u even exist (who knows myabe this was for nothing, i still had fun), you're insane. and i hope u have a great rest of ur day. if u didnt know who souda was before this... well u certainly do now (also why did u read this?) sometimes i just gotta rant about something i adore haha. its been a while since i went all out cuz me and my irl dont watch the same shows. i hope i made whoever read this love souda! at least a little!

this post is 5787 words long... im not rereading this

#this post is an investment #kazuichi souda #character analysis #also this is not proofread so expect a bunch of typos haha