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#but that doesn't mean there aren't significant changes and differences
no-one-hears-me · 7 months
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I hope everyone knows that progress takes time
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ancientgoddessofegypt · 2 months
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PICK A PILE ! ROMANTIC READING <3
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PICK A PILE / PICK A CARD.
STARTING FROM LEFT TO RIGHT! (Pile 1 & Pile 3 On the left (Top/Bottom) ; Pile 2 & 4 On the Right (Top/Bottom)
LETS GO!
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PILE 1 - Recognition & Reward / Intuition
If you picked this pile, you are on your way to a new romantic partnership. This could be your big one. Past decisions have led you to receiving better and your confidence has gotten better over time. So congrats. This handsome/gorgeous person will sweep you off your feet. Crushes in this group are significant so I will say if you have someone you've had your eyes on why don't you tell them how you feel? Again, confidence is key here, and you'll be rewarded for your bold energy. Trust your gut, it'll lead you to the right direction.
PILE 2 - Solar Plexus / Fulfillment Of Wishes
So this group needs to relax and take a chill pill. So your love life has gone through a few rough edges, but that doesn't mean you're the problem. The real reason why love has been a bit pesty, is because you haven't fully accepted yourself in all your glory. You're very special, so it takes a special someone to see it. You aren't for everyone. And nor should you let yourself be.
PILE 3 - Shadow / Awareness
Paying attention to your behavior is key with this group. Not everyone is going to like you, so don't make yourself out to be everything for anybody. You have gifts in sensual abilities. Meaning you can manifest the lover(s) you like with just your charm alone. Not everyone has a romantic aura that shapes the perception of everyone around them. You're a dream come true for many, yet aren't being who you are meant to be. Focus on self-love at this time in order to attract the partner you're aspiring to have. That's the way to make things worth it. You're charm is admirable, but it takes you to see it.
PILE 4 - Accelerated Motion / Firm Foundation
You have to let go of everything you thought you knew about love and more importantly about the love you see in yourself. Everything doesn't have to make sense in the matter of love as love is the highest vibration to connect to. Which isn't based on pure logic alone. Struggle love may have been something you've had in the past or just accepted because you didn't know what was out there. But I am telling you there is more out there, you just have to look and see. For this group, you gotta let go of the old you, and make room for a new one. Change your look, do something different your hair, smile more. Make yourself presentable when out to the public, and dress. your. best. That love you're looking for is around the corner. You just gotta keep yourself looking good and feeling good for you, and yourself ALONE. You're security in self needs to be the focal point in all love relationships moving forward, because in the past the focal point of the relationship was bended do to not fully supporting ones own needs, but for the needs of others.
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wynsummers · 7 months
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i've been thinking about the whole "friction in his jeans" thing a lot lately, and while it is certainly one of the more iconic instances of the lyric in the CD booklet being different from the actual song, it is far from the only one. on top of that, there are quite a few lyrics that play with double meanings that only become clear when they're written out.
so, i present a collection of every lyric in the fob CD booklets that differ from the final version, punctuation and double meanings that aren't noticeable unless the song is written out, and any other interesting details i find in the process, or a really long post of me cornplating about fob:
disclaimer that if the difference is small enough/doesn't change the meaning of the line i won't include it because that would take me years (for example, the book says "light that smoke for giving up on me" and patrick says "yeah, one for giving up on me" but literally who cares that changes nothing. everything i include here is relevant, i think)
follow-up disclaimer that there are a bunch of fucking typos in every single one of these books because these boys never proofread anything but unless i think it's significant in some way i probably will skip it
TAKE THIS TO YOUR GRAVE:
tell that mick:
"I hope you choke on those words, that kiss, that bottle - I confess / now ash yourself out on the insides, when I said I loved you I swear I lied"
grand theft autumn:
"someday i'll appreciate in value, get off my ass and call you... but for the meantime i'll sport my brand new fashion of waking up with my clothes on at 4:00 in the afternoon"
saturday:
"pete and i said goodbye to astoria with promise and precision and mess of youthful innocence"
(most of these are just silly but this one fucking hurts)
sending postcards:
"fake it like you matter - cause that's the biggest secret you have to keep"
chicago is so two years ago:
"that means that I believed every single lie you said (and learned from the best)"
"cause every pain of glass that your pebbles tap negates the pains i went through to avoid you / and every little pat on the shoulder for attention fails to mention i still hate you" (pain of glass instead of pane of glass - i think this is supposed to be a parallel. that or pete just misspelled pane)
patron saint:
"I'm holding out and I'm holding on to every letter and every grudge"
*flashes forward 20 years to hmlag*
anyway
FROM UNDER THE CORK TREE:
our lawyer made us change the name of this song so we wouldn't get sued:
"we're good friends only when you're on your knees"
sugar:
the icon, the legend
"don't mind me, i'm watching you two from the closet wishing to be the friction in his jeans" 🎉🏳️‍🌈
dark alley:
"joke me something awful just like kisses on the necks of 'just friends'"
"I'm hopelessly hopeful that you're just hopeless enough"
champagne for my real friends, real pain for my shrimp friends:
"you steer away in a rearview mirror, make my head swim"
i slept with someone in fob:
"someone old, no one new / always borrowed, always you"
THIS ONE!! THIS FUCKING ONE [CAR CRASH] [SIRENS]
ahem. anyway
sixteen candles:
"i confess, i'm just messed up / dropping 'i'm sorrys' like you're still around"
XO:
"to hands"
(that's it. no "between legs, and whatever it takes" just hands. just fuckin. to hands)
"to hotel stares/stairs" (wordplay!! to clarify it literally says "stares/stairs" in the book)
"choose awe or sympathy"
also in the last verse it says 'to the "love"' with the quotes which is just kinda funny
INFINITY ON HIGH:
this ain't a scene:
"crashing not like hips or hearts"
i'm like a lawyer:
"i only keep myself this sick in the head cause i know how the words get you (off)"
"collect the bad habits that you couldn't bare to keep" (idk this one might just be a typo)
hum hallelujah:
similarly, this might also be a typo, but "versus" is spelled "verses"
(after) life:
ok. ok. hear me out. this is the cornplatiest i have ever been. but on genius it says "death's in a double bed"
and on the lyric book it says "deaths in a double bed"
that changes everything!!! (not really, i know) it's not death as a concept or figure or whatever it's deaths. as in multiple people dying. aaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuaaaaaaaughhhhhhhhhhh
moving on
carpal tunnel:
"we take the sip from life's lush lips"
the line "we might've started singing just a little soon" isn't listed, it's just the goodbye line twice
"but i'm just tired yawns for fawns"
you're crashing:
"the cause, the kid, the charm, and the curse"
ginasfs:
"lips pressed this close to mine"
"but the prince of this failing empire knows" (hhhnnnggggggghhh)
"i've already given up on myself once but the third time is the charm" that's not how numbers work pete <3
"just kind of figured on not figuring myself out"
FOLIE A DEUX:
folie a deux doesn't have a lyric book. just portraits of the boys with empty white pages that have their names written on them. my poor beautiful masterpiece
BELIEVERS NEVER DIE VOL. 1:
fnowae:
not a lyric but for some reason the whole fuckin song is in quotes
SAVE ROCK AND ROLL:
the phoenix:
another punctuation thing but instead of "hope to die" it's "hope-to-dies"
"you're wearing our vintage misery"
alone together:
"my heart is like a stallion, they love it more when it's broke in" instead of "broken" (i love double meanings!! i love wordplay!! i love pete wentz!!)
where did the party go:
"i will appear to you if you make yourself shake fast enough"
the mighty fall:
the lyric book straight up doesn't have big sean's part 💔
rat a tat:
at the end there's this "talk less / mean more / let's be electric / like we were before" that i have literally never heard so i'm assuming it's a neat little cut lyric
save rock and roll:
"i will save the songs / the songs we're singing"
AMERICAN BEAUTY / AMERICAN PSYCHO:
irresistible:
"coming in announced" this one. this one's just a typo. come on boys it's been 12 years at this point read the books more than once
"i just dragged my nails on the tile / i just follow your scent" ?? idk
"this will not be a battle"
ab/ap:
for some fucking reason it just says "she's an american beauty" three times at the start of the song 😭
"and as we're drifting off to sleep" isn't in there, it just says "and all those dirty thoughts of me, they were never yours to keep"
the kids aren't alright:
indulge me once more, reader. i am cornplating again
instead of "former heroes who quit too late and just wanna fill up their trophy case again" it's "wanted to" do you understand why that makes me insane
also they have it as "will put your curse in reverse" instead of "we" which could be a typo but could also be a neat little change
uma thurman:
"you cut me deep like uma thurman"
jet pack blues:
"i'm the kind that can turn june to september / the last one that you'll ever remember"
"between these two white highway signs"
immortals:
"i try to picture you without me but i can't"
M A N I A:
hold me tight or don't:
the line "i'm pretty sure that this isn't how our story ends" isn't included
wilson:
"i know it's just a number but to me you're the 8th wonder"
sunshine riptide:
they didn't include any of burna boy's lines 😒
SO MUCH (FOR) STARDUST:
smfs doesn't have any lyric changes that i noticed, just the usual typos.
update: future emma here, upon further contemplation I have decided to add the line "I'd never go, I just want to be invited" since the first verse definitely says "I'll" (thank you sugarweregoinin and foliejpg for inspiring this revelation)
and there we have it! if you're insane patient enough to have made it until the end, thank you for reading and i hope you enjoyed! if there are any i missed/any in CDs that i don't have please let me know i find these so fascinating (if you couldn't tell). i just love getting glimpses into their writing process and seeing how the songs we know and love evolve before they get to us. i might also do a post about how spotify/genius gets a bunch of their lyrics wrong because it pisses me off but this is all for now, good day/night!
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lovingmattysposts · 3 months
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You don't know me 2
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pairing: y/n and chris sturniolo
summary: you and chris came from two different sides of the spectrum when it came to the social scale. You had the perfect life, the perfect boyfriend, the perfect parents, but when you start to peal back that layers things got messy. Your life was set and stone, your future was set and stone. That was until he comes and changes everything.
warnings: MAJOR mentions of toxic relationship, suggestive, there is one part where she guilt trips herself into doing something sexual BUT THERE IS NO DESCRIPTION OF IT ACTUALLY HAPPENING!! if that bother you it's very clear when it starts and you can just scroll past that part I was just trying to get a point across and it does not involve chris whatsoever!! nothing crazy, i promise you guys❤️ smoking, cursing, mentions of cheating
hope you guys fall in love w this series
xoxo, autumn
Max was almost passed out against the window after we dropped off Cayden and Sydney. I was staring straight through the window. Not glancing over at him. My hands gripping onto the steering wheel so hard my knuckles were turning white, trying not to think about what just occurred.
How do people do this so causally? Cheat on their significant other then feel no guilt? It's eating me alive and I did it accidentally. I felt like he knew subconsciously and was going to call me out on it at any moment, but he didn't know. There is no possible way that he could know. Yes Max was a lot at times, but he would never cheat on me. I cheated on him. God what did I do?
"Y/n"
My head snapped towards him and then back towards the road. Could he read my thoughts? I was starting to think he could. I was sweating. Freaking the fuck out. I swallowed before answering him.
"Yeah?" I whispered back. His eyebrows furrowed and he leaned over grabbing one of my hands that were tight against the steering wheel and interlocking our fingers and started massaging my hand with his. He took his other hand and slid it on the inside of the thigh and leaning his head on my shoulder. I felt myself begin to relax. I let out a shaky breath.
"What's stressing you out babe?" He asked quietly. I collected my thoughts. I can't be suspicious. I was being way too suspicious. I needed to relax, but I couldn't get myself to. "W-What do you mean?" I asked not looking at him. He moved his hand up and down my leg, attempting to sooth me. I didn't deserve him. Oh my God I'm awful. I'm an absolute awful human being. An awful girlfriend.
"You're gripping the steering wheel for dear life and you look like you're gonna puke and you've been stuttering all night" He chuckled. God no. I shook my head, finally taking a deep breath. Think of something, anything. "Just worried about Cayden" I lied shaking my head. "I feel bad for Sydney" I said leaning my head against his as I drove. He hummed. Silence fell between us.
"I'm sorry" He said silently. My eyebrows furrowed as I looked down at him. "For what?" I whispered. He didn't look up at me. He sighed and leaned up from me and took his hands off of me. "I know why you're stressed y/n/n" He said looking back at me. Heart rate quickening. Face pale-ing. Pulse weakening. I swallowed. I furrowed my eyebrows at him, trying to act like I didn't know what he was talking about.
"You think I'm mad at you for the fight" He said shaking his head. I sighed of relief but quickly recovered by looking at him nodding. Yes, that's it. You're exactly right. He frowned. "Babe I'm not mad at you. But you have to know that people expect you to come to my games. If people notice that you aren't coming they might think we had broken up or something. That doesn't look good on me" He frown. Asshole. I bit my tongue. Pick your battles. Pick your battles y/n. "I don't want people thinking you're available" He chuckled. I forced myself to laugh at him, then quickly shut my mouth.
"I'm sorry too" I said genuinely. I'm so sorry Max. He leaned over and kissed my cheek and went back to leaning his head on my shoulder. "For what?" He breathed as he began to kiss my shoulder up to my neck. I sighed. 
For cheating on you.
"For giving you a hard time about the game. I'll go. I know you want me there so I'm gonna go and I won't give you trouble about it again" I said giving in yet again. Mostly because of my guilt. I didn't want him to question me.
"That's my girl" He whispered. He replaced his hand on my leg, moving it up higher this time, rubbing his thumb back and forth slowly. He was still kissing my neck. "Are we almost there?" He whispered as he kissed me. I let out a shaky breath.
"I'm pulling into my neighborhood" I whispered quietly. A few seconds later I was pulling into my driveway. Max stumbled out of the car as we walked up to my front door and I put in the code, letting us inside. He walked in after me and shut the door. The house was dark, quiet. To be fair it was past 2 in the morning at this point. I looked around for any sign of my parents. I felt Max come up behind me and pull me against him. He bent his head down his kissed my neck from behind before leaning up and pressing his lips against my ear.
"Where are your parents?" He whispered. I swallowed. "Asleep" I whispered back. He hummed back before grabbing my hand and walking me up the stairs to my room. I couldn't shake the thoughts no matter how hard I tried to. Chris. His lips. My lips. How he tasted. It should be illegal. The things that I'm thinking of this boy that I don't even know. A boy that's not even my boyfriend.
What was he thinking right now? Did he think that I just kissed him because I just genuinely wanted to cheat on my boyfriend? I'm not that kind of girl. I didn't want him to think I was that kind of girl. I'm not a bad person. I never step out of line. I never did the wrong thing. I always apologized even when I probably shouldn't have. I obeyed my parents. I obeyed my boyfriend. I was loyal. I was faithful. I have a reputation to keep.
I was blinded my anger. I wasn't thinking. I acted on my emotions. What did he think when he saw me with Max right after? Was he going to talk? Was he going to tell Max? Brag about it to his friends? Was Nate going to talk? God I was freaking out.
I had to talk to Chris. I have to convince him not to tell anyone. He went to my school, I've seen him around before. Fuck it was Saturday. I had to wait until at least Monday before I could even see him again. He could ruin my entire life by Monday.
Stress. Anxiety. Guilt.
He has all the power in the world to ruin my life in the next 48 hours, and there was nothing I can do about it. Max would break up with me. My parents would shun me for screwing up my relationship with an Hastings. I would lose my friends. I would be known as a cheater. My reputation would be ruined. Chris has my life in his hands right now and there was nothing I could do about it until Monday.
Max led me into my room and I turned and closed the door. He sighed before walking over to my bed and laying back on it. I leaned up on his elbows as I turned back around and looked at him. He smiled at me. I smiled back. I needed to do this. Maybe this could make me feel less guilty about the situation I've found myself in. I love Max. I do. I love him.
I walked over to him before climbing on top of him and sitting on his lap looking down at him. He just looked up at me. "Whatcha doing baby?" He asked reaching up and tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. I smiled down at him. I reached my hands under his shirt and ran my hands up his body. He just watched me. I shrugged. "Nothing" I whispered. I leaned down and started kissing his neck slowly. He groaned and placed his hands on my leg and moved them up before placing his hands on my ass pulling me up against his hips instead of his legs.
"Thought you didn't want to hook up after I drink" He mumbled. Yeah, I don't. Not at all actually. I hate it, but I feel so guilty I can't think of anything else to make me feel less guilty other than to prove that I actually I love you right now Max. "I changed my mind" I whispered before leaning up and connecting our lips. He stuck his tongue directly into my mouth. I hated when he did that. Straight to the point huh? No build up? Alright. Chris didn't do that.
Stop. Y/n. What are you doing? Change your thought process right now.
I grind my hips against his making him groan into my mouth. He parted our lips. "Eager are we?" He smiled. Eager to forget this night ever happened, yes. I smiled and nodded. He smiled and but his hand on my cheek. "Just want to show you how much I love you" I whispered. He smiled. He looked down at our position.
"Will you stay on top?" He asked raising his eyebrows. I wanted to groan. I wanted to hang my head and complain. No I don't want to stay on top. I hated being on top. I never finished that way, not that Max knew that or ever noticed. I liked being taken care of, not the one doing the taking care of. I swallowed my pride and nodded smiling.
"Of course" I smiled leaning down and connecting our lips. Whatever made this move along as quickly as possible. He reached up under my shirt and took off my bra. I disconnected our lips before shrugging off my bra and taking it off under my shirt and throwing it on the floor. He smiled leaning up against my headboard. He reached under my shirt before feeling me up and leaning against my lips.
"God, you're so hot" He mumbled against my lips. Beautiful? No, I'm hot. Y/n stop. Why was I dreading this so much? It wasn't normally like this. I normally some-what enjoyed this. Sometimes. I forced a smile and reached down and started to undo his belt with my hands as we kissed.
"Condom" I whispered against him. He parted my lips and groaned. I furrowed my eyebrows at him. He rested his head against my headboard. "Can we go without?" He asked looking at me. I scoffed. Yeah this is where I draw the line. I'm sorry, but I'm not sorry enough to risk getting pregnant, I'm only 18. It gave me too much anxiety to go without. The last time we went without I bought two plan B's and took five pregnancy tests within the span of two days. I wasn't pregnant but the thought scared the shit out of me. I shook my head.
"No" I said looking at him. His demeanor changed. It turned cold. This is why I don't hook up with him when he drinks. He can change emotions in a matter of seconds. If he was sober he probably wouldn't fight me on this. It would be me that it affects if something went wrong. Not him. He should understand.
"But you're on the pill" He said looking at me. I leaned back. "I don't care" I said looking at him. Were using a condom or were not doing this at all. He groaned again. Like a child being told he can't get the toy he wanted. He's 18 years old. Man up and use the Goddamn condom. He frowned at me. If I wasn't doing this to feel less guilty I would yell at him and say forget it.
"Do you want to be a dad?" I asked glaring at him. He narrowed his eyes at me and licked his lips. He looked me up and down before grabbing my neck and pulling my lips back to mine. Another thing when he drinks, he's more aggressive and I hate it. I kept kissing him but reached up and pulled the hand that was around my neck off.
Don't do that I hate it. I wanted to say but I kept kissing him. He reached down between us and started undoing the rest of his belt before pulling it off and throwing it on the floor.
He started undoing this zipper when I pulled away. I looked at him with stern eyes. "Come on Y/n" He groaned. This was starting to hurt my feelings. "No" I whispered. He sighed before looking away. "Then I don't even want to do this" He said looking at me.
Wow. I felt a lump in my throat. You know how to make me feel so special Max.
"Why?" I whispered afraid that if I spoke any louder that tears would start forming. He bit on his bottom lip looking down at me. He shook his head.
He wasn't normally like this. Whenever I demanded a condom, he would gripe and moan, yes, but he always obliged. It's because he's drunk. Add it to the list of reasons that I don't do anything when he's drunk. When he doesn't get what he wants he turned mean, cold.
I looked away from him attempting to swallow the lump in my throat. I slid off of him and sat next to him on the bed and sighed. "Can you do something though?" He asked turning his head towards me. I looked at him.
Is he serious right now? I just looked at him. I wanted to yell at him. Tell him this is exactly why I don't do this when he's drinking. That he's proving my former decision correct, but it wouldn't be worth it. He wouldn't listen.
"Can you top me off at least?" He asked looking at me. At least? I closed my eyes getting ready to scream at him. He knows I hate doing that. Makes me feel gross. It's not something I enjoy. We'd been dating a year and I've done it maybe two times.
You cheated on him tonight y/n. My mind raced. Guilt filled me again. I looked at him and nodded, forcing a smile. He smiled down at me before kissing my forehead. I wanted to cry. I hated this. Why did I put myself in this position?
"Thanks babe" He breathed. I nodded before sitting up and leaning down over top of him again.
I'm never letting myself feel guilty enough to do this ever again.
-
Max's been asleep for a while now. I can tell because of the way he's breathing. Not me. I'm wide away staring at the wall as I laid against my pillow. I'd gotten up to brush my teeth three times. I fucking hated it. I felt tears start to form in my eyes. I feel so bad for cheating on him, yes. But not as bad as I felt about the fact that the entire time I was doing it I was thinking about Chris.
I was thinking about his laugh, the way his lips tasted, the way he looked at me when he saw me with Max. All of it and it was overwhelming. I wondered what Chris was doing right now. Was he asleep? Was he wide awake like me? Did he even think twice about me? About our kiss? Was he hurt? Did he not care? Does he even know my name? I never even told him.
I sighed reaching up and wiping my eyes. I just need to talk to him. To close this so I can stop feeling like this. I finally closed my eyes allowing this horrible day to come to an end.
-
Chris pov
Nate and I had gotten back to my house over two hours ago. It was around 3 in the morning now. We were sitting on my back porch. "Are you even going to acknowledge what happened back there?" He asked me. My eyes shifted over to him and back to the fire in front of us. I licked my lips. No I wasn't. I was hoping to forget about it actually.
"You've barely said a word since we've gotten back and you've smoke like five more cigarettes" He said looking at me. He's right. I don't normally smoke as much as I have tonight. I've almost smoked an entire pack. But I can't stop thinking about how she took the cigarette out of my hand and the way she wrapped her lips around the one that was just previously in my mouth.
I swallowed and sighed throwing the last cigarette on the ground that was only half gone. Nate looked down at the cigarette then back up at me. "Talk to me. We have to tell her bitch ass boyfriend right?" He asked looking at me. I looked up at him. "No" I said sternly. He threw his hands up.
"Why not?" He asked suddenly, annoyed at my response. "We're not telling anyone okay? There's no reason to get involved" I said looking at my hands. He huffed. Nate is definitely the one that stirs up the most trouble out of the two of us. I'm the one that fixes his messes.
He pisses someone off and I'm the one that ends up having to fight them. It's fine. I'm happy to protect my friend. That being said when we both agree how to handle something the other one has to oblige. It's how this friendship works. It's why we're so close. Why we're basically brothers.
He leaned back against the chair shaking his head. "Think about the look on his face when we tell him that your tongue was down his girlfriend's throat, it would be gold" He said looking at me. My eyes snapped up to his. "I said no. That's final. Drop it" I said sternly. He bit his lip and sighed turning away from me.
I knew Nate was thinking the same thing as me. Why did you do that? I don't know. I hated all of them. The ultimate assholes, of all assholes. The rich bitches. I hated all of them, they all looked down on me. On everyone else that wasn't them. The party was full of them. That's why I didn't want to go, but I saw her. From across the room. Her asshole boyfriend was basically groping her in a room full of people. I couldn't help but look. Her eyebrows were furrowed as she attempted to get out of his grip.
Her eyes fell onto mine, I wanted to look away but I couldn't. Her gaze was strong. I couldn't look away if I tried. I recognized her. She was a Labraut. Their only daughter. They held the biggest law firm in the state of Michigan. They were the richest people in town, with the white house on the corner of Henderson and Alfred pike. The one with the 'L's' plastered on the doors and the gate that led up the driveway.
She was wearing a white dress and shoes that were so ugly that they had to be expensive. I thought it was funny that she wore a dress to a party. It was cute. It looked like she was dress more for a formal event than a house party, but then again it was a rich people party. Yet despise the fact that she was dressed to the nines, hair perfectly curled, she looked miserable. She looked tired. Annoyed. Mad. Until she looked at me and her demeanor shifted. She studied me until she decided to looked away.
Just her gaze made me feel vulnerable. I needed a smoke. I went outside. She came outside a few minutes later. She didn't notice me leaned up against the wall. I watched her for a second. Her head was tilted up, looking at the sky. I looked up, looking for what could be so interesting in the sky. It was just a sky. But she studied it, like she studied me earlier. I didn't want her to turn around and see me watching her so I walked up to her.
I scared the shit out of her. I have that effect on most people, so I was used to that reaction. Her voice wasn't what I was expecting. I don't know what I was imagining. Girls normally steer clear of me. They think I'm scary I guess. They all love Nate though. I'd be jealous, but I didn't really care. I wasn't interested. Yet, she intrigued me. It made me happy that a guy was all over her and she was less than interested. I don't know why. I think it was because it was Hastings, but if you're dating the guy, you can't be much better of a person.
So I gave her kind of a hard time. I don't regret it, kind of. I think now I do. If you have to deal with a guy like Max 24/7 I don't think you should get shit from anyone else either. Max was enough. She yelled at me. I found it amusing. From the choice of words It doesn't sound like she yelled at people very much, it was a cute attempt. I backed off, only a little. Still called her princess, because that's how she's always treated. Like a goddamn princess.
I could see the glimmer in her eye slightly when I said it but she quickly turned away from me. Told me to stop calling her that. It caught me off guard, the glimmer, so I stayed looking at her. Did she like that? Her face lit up in a shade of pink and she looked away. The way she blushed I felt it in my stomach. I covered it up by looking away.
Her annoying bot of a friend comes bursting out of the house to drag her away. I watched her as she was pulled away from next to me. I wondered to myself if she would look back at me. Give me even a second glance or if she was just speaking to me because I was standing right there. To my surprise she did. I just looked at her before she disappeared back into the house. Somewhere that I never wanted to enter ever again. A bunch of rich kids getting drunk, not my idea of fun.
As I finished the last of my second cigarette, which I would go on to finish six more, I wondered to myself if we would ever come in contact again. She didn't even ask my name, but she didn't tell me hers either. I guess she assumed I knew it. I did, it was Y/n. Everyone knew her name, and If they didn't know her first name they definitely knew her last.
Nate found me shortly after I escape the inside and after Y/n left. I didn't tell him about the interaction because I knew he would push me on it. I didn't liked being pushed. He rambled on about how at the last hockey game, they kept giving him penatlties for bullshit calls. I just listened as he rambled. I've learned that when Nate gets into rants, he doesn't want solutions, he just wants someone to listen and nod and throw in the occasional "That sucks. No yeah, you're definitely right".
He was deep in a story when someone came bursting through the back door again. I turned and saw Y/n walking towards me. I didn't want Nate thinking that I was being somewhat nice to her because of how much shit I talk about her kind of people.
So I threw out the first insult I thought of, it wasn't nice. I regret that. It wasn't cool. She didn't give me attitude back like I expected. No, instead she marched right up to me. I didn't step away as I looked down at her. There was a different look in her eyes. She was angry. For a second I thought she was going to smack the shit out of me.
I started to think I should probably back up, but she reached up and took the cigarette out of my hand. What was the deal with her and me smoking? It wasn't your lungs. I just watched her. She brought it up to her lips without hesitation, taking me by surprise. I looked down at her about to question the fact that she was inhaling nicotine and tobacco after giving me a quick health lesson earlier, when she reached her hand up to me, again I think to smack the shit out of me.
She didn't.
The next thing I know we're engulfed in one another's mouth. It was slow for a second, I was shocked. The last thing I expected was for her to kiss me. Her lips tasted like cherry lip gloss. It was heaven. They were so soft. How does Hastings get so lucky to kiss these lips everyday? Fuck. Hastings. She has a fucking boyfriend.
I almost pull away when I felt her tug on my lip ring. Oh my God. I hummed, muffling a moan. No one has ever done that before. I got lost again, the thought of her boyfriend leaving my head. I swipe my tongue in her mouth. Like a cigarette.
I pulled her against me as we kissed, completely forgoing the fact that there are two other people watching us devour each other. Her hands went up to my hair pulling slightly on the strands. I breathed in. All preconceived ideas I had of her were now out of the window. A bad person can't be this good of a kisser. I've convinced myself of this.
"Y/n!" Her friend said making her part from me. I could have killed her friend for making her stop kissing me the way she was. I didn't let her go when she parted from me. We both just looked at each other. I think both shocked that that just happened. My arm dropped from her back and she pulled her hands off my hair. Her eyes shifted from mine to her friends.
"Alright then" Nate said from behind me. If I could tell him telepathically to shut up, oh my god Nate shut the hell up. She turned from me and started walking towards her friend. She quickly snapped back around. Her cheeks were red and she looked disoriented. I could have fallen to my knees. Embarrassingly.
Instead, I kept my composure. "What was your name again?" She smiled, breathless. This would have offended me, but the way she looked clogged my mind instead.
"Chris" I was able to breathe by the grace of God. She nodded and turned around grabbing her friend and walking back inside. I didn't immediately turn to Nate, knowing how red my face probably was.
I reached up attempting to fix my hair. "What the hell was that?" Nate asked after a few seconds. I rubbed my hands over my face, trying to wipe the smile off my face. I can't show how much that effected me. I turned around with a straight face.
"I have no idea" I shrugged. He just stared at me and then his eyes shifted to the door then back at me. He was speechless, and believe me I was too. He looked down at his feet then back up at me. "So you were saying" I said clearing my throat. He looked at me with wide eyes and shook his head. He laughed lightly. I bit back a smile.
"No I was interested, please keep going. So the empire said..?" I coughed. Please take the focus off me. "The referee!" He corrected me. I shook my head laughing. "Right the referee" I said looking at him. He smiled and rolled his eyes and started on his story again. I wasn't listening, I was trying to fight the urge to march into the party and find her and beg her to let me relive that moment.
Anything to feel like that again. But I couldn't, and I wouldn't. It's not really in character for me. Was it a one time thing? My mind started to race. Her boyfriend. Did they break up? Why did she march out here and kiss me? Why was she so angry? Why did she kiss me like that? I finally started to calm myself down and my face was no longer red when I heard the door open again a few minutes later.
I looked over and saw some guy with blonde hair throwing his guts up into the grass and the girl I recognized to be Y/n's friend leaned down next to him, yelling at him. I almost laughed when I turned and met Y/n's eyes. Then her boyfriend's. I involuntarily felt his presence in my chest. All of the good feelings that that kiss just gave me dropped to my feet as her eyes wouldn't meet mine for more than a second. She stood behind him with her eyes directed to her feet.
I wanted to scoff. I wanted to yell at her. I wanted to shake my head. They hadn't broken up. They were in fact still together. He was right there. What was I thinking? I don't even know this girl and she's exactly who I expected her to be. I just looked at her waiting for her to look at me. To face the fucking consequences to her actions that I doubt she had ever before. But she didn't look at me. Her boyfriend did though.
"What are you looking at freak?" He spat at me. I wanted to smile and shake my head. These people, I swear. Why do I try? I stopped giving people the benefit of the doubt a long goddamn time ago. Why did I suddenly want to start now? They were all exactly the same. Stuck up, entitled assholes. Every last one of them. I looked at Nate and motioned and him towards the back gate. I was done with this. I needed to get out of here. I turned and he looked at her shaking his head. I grabbed his arm violently pulling him with me telling him "Let's go." sternly.
We walked home. It was a far walk. "I didn't realize that was Y/n LaBraut" Nate said as we walked down the street. I shrugged looking down at my feet as we walked. Why did I kiss her back? What was I thinking? I fell into her so instantly. What is wrong with me? Giving someone like her what she wanted in that moment.
I'm just like everyone else. Giving in because she's her and she wanted it so she got it. Fuck that. I kicked a rock down the street. I didn't talk much on the walk home. I didn't have much to say. I was disappointed in myself. Giving into it so easily. Wanting more. I shook my head at myself as we walked. I can't believe I let myself kiss her of all people for my first kiss in three years. The first one, after her.
She's probably shaking her head at me right now. I wish I could apologize somehow.
That brings us to right now. I suddenly felt bad for snapping at him. He looked down at his lap. "And stop talking about my tongue it's weird bro" I said chuckling shaking my head. He laughed lightly across from me. As good as I would feel to see the look on Hasting's face to let him know the way his girlfriend's hands were tangled in my hair drove me crazy, something about the way that she hid behind him in defeat doesn't sit right with me.
I felt like there was something deeper to the reason she decided to kiss me, but it wasn't any of my business. So I wasn't looking to make it my business. I had enough problems that I didn't need to add rich people drama to the list.
"You know" Nate said looking up at me. I looked over at him. "That was the first girl you've kissed since.." He trailed off. I loved Nate. I really did. But sometimes he didn't know when to shut up. Which is why I had to fight someone new every other week, normally another hockey player he got into it with. I looked down at my feet.
"How are you feeling about...that" He whispered. I clenched my jaw, staring at the ground. I wanted another cigarette to relieve the stress, but I restricted myself. I'd smoked more than enough tonight. I stayed silent. I took a deep breath before standing up off the metal chair. Nate looked up at me.
"It's getting late" I said looking at him. He looked sadly at me. "You staying?" I asked pointing towards the house. He stood up, shaking his head. "No, I'm gonna head back. Told my mom I'd come home at some point" He smiled. I nodded looking over to my house. Nate stepped toward me.
"Look man" He started. I looked at him. "I'm sorry, I won't mention it again" He said quietly. I didn't say anything and just looked at him. "I just worry about you sometimes" He said half smiling sadly at me. I nodded. I know he's worried about me. Another thing about Nate, he doesn't hide what he's thinking very well. I know he cares, I just wish he wouldn't talk about it.
"I'm fine Nate" I mumbled. He nodded and looked toward my gate. "I'm gonna head out then" He said motioning towards the gate. I nodded walking towards my house. "I'll pick you up Monday for school" I said looking at him. He laughed walking towards my gate before raising his hands. "Thanks Mom!" He yelled.
I laughed and shook my head walking in the backdoor of my house, quietly. I didn't want to wake up my grandpa who was sound asleep on the lounge chair in the living room. He fell asleep there more often than not. He was a heavy sleeper though, still I didn't want to risk waking him up.
I stepped past him and down the hall into my room. I closed the door before letting go of a breath I didn't know I was holding. I walked over to my bed before crashing into it. Everything was sore. Nate and I had walked to that party. I didn't even want to go, Nate did. I went because he wanted to.
The alternative was staying here and me and my grandpa got into a fight earlier and I didn't want to stay here. He found cigarette buds in the backyard. He told me that It would kill me if I smoked. Y/n said the same thing to me tonight.
I sighed as I kicked off my shoes and laid my head against my pillow and closed my eyes. I felt like I could only see the look on her face from earlier. The fear. The regret. The sadness. Not going to lie, it kind of hurt. After you kiss someone, correction, someone kisses you, you don't really want a look of regret afterwards. But she smiled. When we were kissing she smiled against my lips. The way her hands went up to my hair. The way she felt pressed against me. I can still feel it.
I snapped my eyes open and turned looking up at the ceiling. I looked down and felt myself becoming half-hard just thinking about it. I groaned covering my hands with my face. I can't be thinking about her like this. She's one of them. I need a cold shower or something. I've gotta stop using smoking as an outlet. I stood up off my bed and walked in my bathroom before turning on the shower. I sighed before stepping in and letting the warm water roll down my back.
I wondered what she was doing right now. Was she asleep? Was she wide awake like me? Did she even think twice about me after? Or did she kiss her boyfriend and forget all about the incident? I wondered if she felt bad for what she did. To me, or to her asshat of a boyfriend even. Or if she did it all the time and I was not a special occasion. Why do I even care? I need sleep. I reached over and turned off the shower.
I'll be damned if I ever let myself give in that easily ever again.
-
y/n pov
I've been looking for him all day. Every class. Every corner. I even stalked the boy's bathroom after 3rd period. He was nowhere. Is he even here today? God, please be here. I've been a nervous wreck the last two days. Max's acted normal. So I'm guessing he doesn't know. It hasn't gotten back to him. Yet, at least. He didn't apologize for the way he acted that night either. The next morning I found him eating breakfast downstairs with my parents. I would allow myself to be mad at him, but I couldn't. Not with this cloud of guilt still hanging over my head.
"Who are you looking for?" Max laughed. I jumped turning around and seeing Max. I laughed lightly trying to compose myself. Think. Think. "You of course" I smiled up at him, putting my hand on his chest. His eyebrows furrowed. "You know I have Sterling 5th period" He said pointing at Mr. Sterlings door across the hall. I pointing at the door and then at him.
"Right! Slipped my mind" I laughed lightly, swallowing. He shook his head. "What am I going to do with you?" He shook his head smiling and wrapping his arm around my shoulder as we walked down the hall. Still, I searched for Chris. No sign.
Max and I walked into the lunch room and then over to our usual table where Sydney and Cayden were sitting. They were bickering again. They fought a lot and if they weren't fighting they were all over one another. It was a weird complex they had going on, but it worked for them I guess. I sat down across from them.
"Hey" I breathed looking at them. Sydney looked at me. "Please tell Cayden that my parents would not let him borrow their jet for the weekend to go see the lakers game" She glared at me. I spend my mouth to speak but Cayden cut me off. "It's the final four! We're court-side!" He argued. She huffed. "Where's yours Cayden?" Max asked looking at him. Cayden went silent and he looked down.
"It's uh in the shop" He said not looking up. Sydney glared at him. "It is not in the shop, you got your private jet privileges because you took it to fly to Miami for the weekend to see Drake perform at Rolling Loud!" She yelled at him. God this argument is making my head spin. I looked over at Max whose eyebrows were raised watching them fight. He looked at me and shook his head.
"You came with me!" He said at her. Her hands flew up. "You told me your parents were okay with it!" She yelled back. I held my hands up. "Guys stop please. My head, it's hurting" I said shaking my head. "It was still worth it" He said shaking his head. She looked over at him. "Was Drake even performing?" She asked crossing her arms. He hung his head in defeat. "No, I looked at last year's lineup" He said looking down. Sydney looked over at us with her hands up. I smiled shaking my head.
"I know you guys aren't fighting over who's private jet to take to court-side at a lakers game" I said shaking my head. I'm starting to understand why people hate us. I hate us sometimes. First world problems people, people are dying. Sydney and Cayden looked at each other and laughed. "It was still worth it though, because we had sex on the rooftop of-" He started to say, but Sydney hit him in the shoulder. Her face turned blood red.
Cayden looked at her and rubbed his shoulder. "What?" He whined. God, this needs to stop. I looked around the cafeteria, still in search for Chris. I looked behind Sydney and saw him and Nate eating at a table a little father back. Relief and fear struck me all at once. It's now or never. I just have to talk to him and pray he's told no one about what happened at the party. Max was still watching Cayden and Sydney, sometimes it's like a reality tv show.
"Hey babe, can you go get me a drink?" I asked looking over at him. He looked down at me and groaned. "It's so far" He whined. Exactly. It was the farthest point from our table. It gives me time. I glared at him. "Hey, I'm kidding. I'm kidding, I'll go" He said kissing the top of my head and standing up. I looked over at Sydney who was now pouting and looking away from Cayden.
She looked at me. My eyes went wide as I motioned to Cayden and then Max who was standing. Her eyebrows furrowed and then she looked at Max who was starting to walk away. Her eyes went wide and she nodded and turned to Cayden. "Me too babe, get me a drink?" Her demeanor changed intensely toward him. He lifted his head and looked at her with narrowed eyes.
"You just told me you hated me" He said shaking his head. "I was kidding. I love you, now drink? Please?" She said pushing him. He sighed shaking his head before getting up and walking away. I watched him until he was out of ear-shot. Sydney leaned forward to me.
"What?" She whispered. I swallowed before looking behind her to Chris who was still sitting there talking to Nate. "I need to go talk to Chris" I whispered back. Her eyebrows furrowed. "Who's Chris?" She asked back. I hit her from across the table. "Ow" She whispered back. "The guy" I whispered. She shook her head not understanding. Oh my God.
"I one i...." I tried off with wide eyes. Her face dropped as she looked around. She leaned forward again. "Are you crazy? In public?" She whispered back. I shrugged. "I don't have another time! I have to make sure he doesn't talk" I said back. She licked her lips and looked around.
"Okay go, quick!" She whispered. I nodded before quickly standing up and walking over to Chris's table. Adrenaline filled me as I walked towards their table, fear of being seen by Max, but it faded once Nate's eyes noticed me before Chris's.
He hit Chris's arm and motioned to me and he looked up at me right when I approached the table. I swallowed. I forgot what his gaze did to me. The way it felt. God, why are my legs shaking? It's just some random kid.
"Can I help you?" Chris asked after a few seconds looking at me. Fuck, I forgot to speak. I cleared my throat as I looked at him. "Can I talk to you?" I asked quietly. Thank god it was only them at this table. Chris looked at Nate who shook his head. I wanted to flip him off but I needed Chris to talk to me. I needed to explain myself and make sure we were on the same page.
Chris looked back up at me and sighed. "How about, fuck off?" Nate said looking at me. Ouch. I furrowed my eyebrows. Chris glared at him and elbowed him in the side. "Ow" Nate said glaring at him.
I didn't blame him for saying that, I'd tell me to fuck off too. I would tell him that, but my throat was dry. I don't remember being this nervous last time I was in his presence. Before the kiss at least. I just stayed silent standing in front of them, playing with my fingers feeling the beat of my heart more clearly the longer I stood here.
Chris looked back up at me. I looked down at his lips, his lip ring. Oh my God. I can still feel it pressed against my lips. The coldness of it. The way it felt between my teeth. I-. I stopped myself snapping myself out of my thoughts and looked back up at his eyes.
He motioned for me to start talking. I looked at Nate who was looking at me, unimpressed. "N-Not here" I quickly said feeling the pressure of Nate's presence. "Somewhere private" I said looking at Nate and then back at Chris.
Chris pursed his lips before looking at Nate and then back at me. Chris looked down and looked over at a napkin before grabbing it and placing it in front of him. He felt his pockets before looking at Nate and holding out his hand.
"Pen" He said looking at him. Nate leaned his head forward. "Dude. Come on" He said looking at Chris. God this boy really hates me. I wanted to walk away and say never mind and just pray to God that he doesn't say anything, but I couldn't. I couldn't bring myself to move my feet. I needed to speak to him one way or another. To apologize at least.
"Pen" Chris said again more sternly. Nate glared at him for a second before mumbling something and reaching in his bag. I was surprised by Chris's tone. It almost scared me and he wasn't even speaking to me. I guess that was his reputation. Bad boy, anger, hostile, aggressive.
Yet, I wondered to myself how could someone with those eyes be mean at heart? I don't think he could be. I wanted to shake my head at my thoughts. It's not your job to figure that out Y/n.
Nate pulled out a pen before handing it to Chris. Chris took it out of his hands. I looked over to our table. Max and Cayden weren't back yet and Sydney was watching me, taping her fingers aggressively on the table.
I turned back at Chris who had the pen on the napkin, but hadn't written anything yet. He looked up at me through his eyelids. I gave him a pleading look. He sighed before looking back down at the paper and scribbling something on it. He clicked the pen, putting it on the table before picking up the napkin and handing it to me.
"Come after 5" He said looking at me. I took the napkin and smiled at him. "Thank you" I whispered before turning on my heals and walking quickly back over to my table. I sat down across from Sydney, holding the paper in my hand. "So?" She quickly said. I looked down at the napkin and sighed. "I'm going to the address after 5" I said looking up at her. Her face turned shocked.
"To his house? Are you crazy? What are you thinking?" She quickly said. I shook my head shaken up from this whole experience. "I don't know! I need to talk to him!" I said back. She threw her hands up. "Why didn't you talk to him over there!" She asked back violently. I shook my head. "I couldn't! His friend was trying to kill me with his eyes!" I said motioning to the table. She turned around and looked at them and then back at me.
"His eyes? Y/n-"
"Drink" A voice said from above me setting down a drink in front of me. I looked up and saw Max. I smiled up at him, widely to avoid any questions of what we were just talking about. I slid the napkin in my hand into the pocket of my jeans. He leaned down and kissed my head before sitting next to me.
"What did we miss?" Max asked looking at me smiling. "Nothing" Sydney and I both said at the same time. We looked at each other. Max furrowed his eyebrows and looked between us. "Okay" He said shaking his head. Cayden came around setting a sprite in front of her.
"Sprite really Cayden? Do you hate me or something?" She yelled at him. He just looked at her with a shocked face, holding his hands up. "What did I do?" He asked her. She groaned and started yelling at him some more. I sighed and leaned my head on Max's shoulder. Here we go again.
tag list: @rac00ns-are-c00l4 @miastromboli @secret-sturniolo @sturnsclutter @sturniolodreamz @paper-crab @chrisolivia4l @mwah0mwah @recklesssturniolo @ejswift @kitaysworld @meg-sturniolo @nickmillersn1gf @fr3shl0ve @adrianaturnedpretty @oversturn @ghostgurlswrld @flowerxbunnie @ilytrinsworld @lustfulslxt @kiarastromboli @gemofthenight @blahbel668 @haunted-headset @sturnybabes @bethsturn @d3adlyclassrat @sturnybabes @mattsbitch @chrisluvbot @nickenthusiast @sturniolossmut @biimpanicking @iloveneilperry @chalametbich @dsmja @bernardsleftbootycheek @lovingsturniolo @aoxash @idrkk-123 @gingerbreadgodofhyperdeath @babagurlrichey
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Okay wow I was not expecting my kittypet fae post to take off overnight like this, but I'm glad you all like it! I've been thinking about kittypet culture so this is what I think is the reasoning behind the beliefs.
Kittypets are often well groomed and well fed no matter the season, while wild cats are often groomed there's a softness to kittypet pelts that you don't find in wild pelts. Along with pretty accessories that a wild cat would have no clue what they are like bows. As such they start to seem a bit uncanny valley because they look like you but not Quite. Especially because of more purebred cats who have brighter pelts or unusual colors or strange muzzles or weird ears. Which helps spread the thought that kittypets aren't fully cats, but something similar, something different but the same. Firestar as a purebred orange cat is just a lot naturally brighter or vivid then the more muted oranges that appear in the wild, and that scares cats.
Kittypets also like to share with their wild friends, they see their friend skinny and cold and want to bring them inside where they can get food and get warm. So they tend to offer it pretty often, however cats that do this start to get used to the ease of food and warmth of the den and find it harder to stay wild or to stay away from twolegs. Some kittypets may even aid twolegs in trapping their friends for the sake of protecting their friends from the harsh outdoors. Which everyone knows once you've bonded with a twoleg whether you want to or not your transformation into one of them is nearly complete.
Kittypet food is also meant to fill a cat as its been fine-tuned to fit the needs of a cat so even if a cat doesn't think it tastes as good as mouse, it still fills them in ways they may struggle to get with hunting. So cats that risk taking a bit start to go back for more, especially in harder hunting series. Sure sparrow may be a bit tastier but if its a sparrow once a week during leafbare or kittypet food every day, cats are going to be tempted.
With kittypets not being in a war culture and often just chilling beyond mild spats means there's more room for other activities like a lot more gossip and stories, news travels fast between cats because kittypets are horrendous gossips which means if you fuck over a kittypet, every other kittypet is going to hear about it and shame you for it. To clan cats it's shocking because kittypet news travels throughout an entire twolegplace and even beyond it thanks to some kittypets that travel in like trucks and stuff, so it can seem like despite being nowhere near the original kittypet, everyone still magically knows how you messed up. This extends to their friends as well, if you beat up a cat that the kittypets consider a friend over a border dispute all the kittypets are going to be like "hey why'd you do that that was mean" and potentially chase you away.
Now for names is something I think is interesting because kittypets are never really like "my names Mouse but the twolegs call me Mittens" so clearly twoleg names have some priority here for kittypets, while the significance of this can very between whatever you want really, its clearly important. So if you get taken in by a twoleg to heal a wound and the twoleg starts calling you Pants, then suddenly all the kittypets call you by that name. No matter how much you insist your name is Twigpounce, you're Pants now. Plus if you're actively stuck with kittypets, you'll start going by Pants as well. Thus the kittypet's steal your name.
Cats that come back from twolegs always come back changed, from how they talk, to how they walk, to what food they eat, to the things they say. They can still shake off the influence and return to the wild, but they'll always be a bit off, a bit different. Everyone knows Tallstar was pet-touched a long time ago from how he acts, but everyone politely doesn't bring it up.
Avoid kittypets! They're tricksters that look like us but they're liars with their fake mice and fake warmth! Do not trust! They aren't true cats! They're something different! Something more dangerous! Do not be tricked!
Also Longtail still throws down with Rusty because he's an idiot and also probably hoping that this will make the scary fae child leave his clan alone.
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traegorn · 1 month
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I’m sorry you’re going through this, but I tend to agree with anons perspective, about respecting jews who say she’s open just as much as respecting jews who say she’s closed? I feel like as gentiles we might not get a say here.
So here's the thing, you're not thinking this through.
Lilith is explicitly from Jewish folklore. This we can prove.
Now many Jewish voices are saying "Don't appropriate from our closed ethnoreligion." That seems to be, if not the majority opinion, a significant portion. If a different group of Jewish people are saying "Lilith is open," it doesn't change the fact that, as non-Jewish people, we are still arguably causing at least perceived harm against the Jewish people who do think she's closed. They see it as antisemitic, and they have a pretty solid argument for it.
So, if you work with Lilith, you are harming the Jewish people who say she's closed.
If you don't work with Lilith, you aren't harming the people who say she's open.
So what responsible person would recommend someone work with Lilith, knowing that you are hurting someone? You don't hurt the people who disagree with those folks by not working with her, so I think the choice is obvious.
This is something Jewish people get to decide, and not us. But just because you find one person who's fine with it, doesn't mean that they get to speak for the entire Jewish community. When trying to reduce harm, you don't get a say, and we don't get to choose the option that's more convenient just because it's what we want to hear.
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What Americans want
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Tomorrow (Oct 19), I'm in Charleston, WV to give the 41st annual McCreight Lecture in the Humanities. And on Friday (Oct 20), I'm at Charleston's Taylor Books from 12h-14h.
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If you aspire to be a Very Serious Person (and whomst amongst us doesn't?) then you know why we can't have nice things. The American people won't stand for court packing, Congressional term limits, the abolition of the Electoral College, or campaign finance limits. Politics is the art of the possible, and these just aren't possible.
Friends, you've been lied to.
The latest Pew Research mega-report investigates Americans' attitudes towards politics, and honestly, the title says it all: "Americans’ Dismal Views of the Nation’s Politics":
https://www.pewresearch.org/politics/2023/09/19/americans-dismal-views-of-the-nations-politics/
The American people hate Congress. They hate the parties. They hate the president. They hate the 2024 presidential candidates. They loathe the Supreme Court. Approval for America's bedrock institutions are at historic lows. Disapprovals are at historic highs.
The report's subtitle speaks volumes: "65% say they always or often feel exhausted when thinking about politics." Who can blame them? After all: "63% express not too much or no confidence at all in the future of the U.S. political system."
"Just 4% of U.S. adults say the political system is working extremely or very well": that is to say, there are more Americans who think Elvis is alive than who think US politics are working well.
There are differences, of course. Young people have less hope than older people. Republicans are more reactionary than Democrats. Racialized people trust institutions less than white people.
But there are also broad, bipartisan, cross-demographic, intergenerational agreements, and these may surprise you:
Take Congressional term-limits. 87% of US adults support these. Only 12% oppose them.
Everyone knows American gerontocracy is a problem. I mean, for one thing, it's destabilizing. There's a significant chance that neither of the presumptive US presidential candidates will be alive on inauguration day:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/07/01/designated-survivors/
But beyond the inexorable logic of actuarial science, there's the problem that our Congress of septuagenarians have served for decades, and are palpably out-of-touch with their constituents' lives. And those constituents know it, which is why 79% of Americans favor age limits for elected officials and Supreme Court justices:
https://www.pewresearch.org/politics/2023/09/19/how-americans-view-proposals-to-change-the-political-system/
Not all of this bipartisan agreement is positive. 76% of Americans have been duped into favoring a voter ID requirement to solve the nonexistent problem of voter fraud by imposing a racialized, wealth-based poll-tax. But even here, there's a silver lining: 62% of American support automatically registering every eligible voter.
Threats to pack the Supreme Court have a long and honorable tradition in this country. It's how Lincoln got his antislavery agenda, and how FDR got the New Deal:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/03/25/consequentialism/#dotards-in-robes
The majority of Americans don't want to pack the court…yet. The race is currently neck-and-neck – 51% opposed, 46% in favor, and with approval for the Supreme Court at lows not seen since the 2400 baud era, court-packing is an idea with serious momentum:
https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/07/21/favorable-views-of-supreme-court-fall-to-historic-low/
66% of Democrats want the court packed. 58% of under 30s – of every affiliation – favor the proposal.
And two thirds (65%) of Americans want to abolish the Electoral College and award the presidency to the candidate with the most votes. That includes nearly half (47%) of Republicans, and two thirds of independents.
Americans believe – correctly – that their elected representatives are more beholden to monied interests than to a sense of duty towards their constituents. Or, as a pair of political scientists put it in their widely cited 2014 paper:
Economic elites and organized groups representing business interests have substantial independent impacts on U.S. government policy, while average citizens and mass-based interest groups have little or no independent influence.
https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/perspectives-on-politics/article/testing-theories-of-american-politics-elites-interest-groups-and-average-citizens/62327F513959D0A304D4893B382B992B
So yeah, no surprise that 70% of Americans believe that voters have too little influence over their elected lawmakers. 83% of Republicans say big campaign donors call the shots. 80% of Democrats agree.
Which is why 72% of Americans want to limit political spending (76% for Democrats, 71% for Republicans). The majority of Americans – 58% – believe that it is possible to get money out of politics with well-crafted laws.
Americans truly do have a "dismal view of the nation's politics," and who can blame them? But if you "feel exhausted thinking about the nation's politics," consider this – the majority of Americans, including Republicans, want to:
abolish the electoral college;
impose campaign spending limits;
put term limits on elected officials and Supreme Court justices;
put age limits on elected officials and Supreme Court justices; and
automatically register every eligible American to vote.
What's more, packing the Supreme Court is a coin-toss, and it's growing more popular day by day.
Which is all to say, yes, things are really screwed up, but everyone knows it and everyone agrees on the commonsense measures that would fix it.
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If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/18/the-people-no/#tell-ya-what-i-want-what-i-really-really-want
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My next novel is The Lost Cause, a hopeful novel of the climate emergency. Amazon won't sell the audiobook, so I made my own and I'm pre-selling it on Kickstarter!
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robynrocksforbrains · 7 months
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Mike Wheeler is important and there's nothing wrong with analyzing him
Since y'all wanna be insufferable bitches about it I'm gonna explain to you why he's important, why Will loves him, why his struggles should be acknowledged, and why his character depth is pivotal to byler endgame being a satisfying conclusion for both Mike AND Will. Deal with it!
We are not seeing smoke where there isn't a flame. We are seeing smoke where there is a literal fucking forest fire.
Starting off with something a lot of people aren't ready for but I've seen more people talking about: Mike is the main character of s1 at the very least. He is the character that brings us into the world of stranger things. He is the character that the writers chose for this. Mike is the main character of s1 and it was an instant hit. The writers love Mike. Contrary to popular belief, giving a character an arc where they are struggling and their behavior changes from what is normal for the character we know and love does NOT mean the writers hate that character. It means they deliberately chose to give that character complexity and depth. Your inability to like characters that do anything wrong ever is not the fault of the writers. Your decision to act as if a character is not important is not reflective of the actual narrative because it in fact is in direct opposition to the narrative. So just to be clear, if you genuinely believe that Mike isn't important, or that the writers hate him, or don't care about him, or that his story "takes away" from any other character's - ESPECIALLY WILL'S - you are simply wrong.
In s1 and s2 Mike is established as an extremely caring person. He's loving, loyal, brave, intelligent, and trying his best. He is also established to be hot headed, someone who speaks without thinking quite often, someone who is capable of hurting his friends despite that being the last thing he wants to do. He is all of these things and more. He is a human. He is a kid. So in s3, when suddenly he is entirely different, it is completely logical to assume that there is a reason for that. He did not just wake up one day and decide he wanted to be an asshole, push Will away, make his friends feel abandoned, and echo the same sentiments their bullies held. Something is happening with him. He has so much going on in his head and it is painfully obvious. He's holding something in, he's hiding from everyone and from himself. We see glimpses of what he's trying to hide after Will calls him out on his behavior. Will gets through to him. Mike is usually unresponsive to tough love, except for when it's coming from Will. After their fight, it is obvious that he's trying to be better. But he still doesn't wanna face certain things, and he doesn't know how to navigate that. Because he's 13 years old.
There is a reason for all of that internal conflict. There is a reason it comes pouring out of him at certain times. He's crumbling. He is quite literally falling apart because he's holding on to too much. It's not a stretch to assume that, it just takes basic media literacy. Why would the writers have Mike act this way if he was just supposed to be a one dimensional character? Why would Finn be directed to portray Mike the way he does if there was nothing more going on? There are times where Mike looks like he's in physical pain because of his internal conflict. There is a reason for that. And acknowledging that DOES NOT mean people are taking away from Will. That's the most idiotic thing I have ever heard. Do y'all seriously not understand that more than one character can have emotionally complex storylines? Genuinely asking, is this a new concept for you?
Will's love for Mike
Will is head over heels in love with Mike. That is very much established. So when you're dismissing the emotional depth of Mike's individual arc because you think acknowledging it "takes away from Will" you are actually diminishing the significance of a huge aspect of Will's emotional arc. By taking away the significance of Mike, you take away from the significance of Will.
Let's do a quick recap of the very significant role Mike has played in Will's entire life:
Mike is Will's first friend.
They have grown up together and it can be assumed that they've reached important milestones together.
Mike has always been a safe person for Will. He's been a constant in Will's very chaotic and unfair life. Until the summer of '85, Mike had always been something good in Will's life. (That's not to say he is no longer something good, but it can be assumed that the summer of '85 is the first time Mike has been a causal factor in Will's unhappiness)
When Will went missing, Mike did not hesitate to search for him. It wasn't even a question of if. The moment he knew Will was missing he knew exactly what he'd be doing that night. He spearheaded the search amongst the party. He was the leader.
When Will came back, Mike was the only person that didn't treat him like he was gonna break. He cared for him, and he was there for him, but he didn't treat him differently; Will tells us as much. Which means we can infer that the way Mike was with Will in s2 - how gentle and loving he was - was nothing new. He had just always been like that.
When Will was possessed, Mike stayed by his side. Even when it was scary, even when it could've gotten him killed, he stayed. Because once again, for him, it wasn't even a question. That's just where he knew he needed to be. He was in the shed when they were trying to get through to Will. He was set apart from Lucas and Dustin, but he also wasn't equated to family. And his retelling of the story of the day they first met was the final push Will needed to find a way to communicate.
After a year of things being "weird" between them, Mike tells Will that he didn't deserve to be treated the way he had been. Mike tells him that he wants them to be okay again, and for the rest of the season he puts in the work.
Things get rough in s3, and at the beginning of s4, and despite all of that, Will confesses his love (albeit veiled). In a moment where Mike is feeling awful about himself, he tells him that he loves him and needs him, and he tells him why. And to him it doesn't matter that he's breaking his own heart to do it, because it's Mike. Mike, who makes him feel like he's not a mistake at all, and that he's better for being different. For Will, there was no other option. The person he loves was hurting and he knew how to help, and so he did.
Mike is the first person Will tells about Vecna still being alive. Because they're back to being a team. He knows he can trust Mike, and Mike seems to be very determined to prove him right.
SO.
These are all real and canon aspects of Mike's presence in Will's life. Will falling in love with Mike isn't something that just happened for no reason. Will fell in love with Mike because of who Mike is. When you acknowledge that, and when you acknowledge the reasons they've set out for why Will loves him - the reasons Will literally told us - you can better understand Will. But when you dismiss all of these things about Mike, you are dismissing a large portion of Will's emotional and romantic arc. You aren't being a Will Warrior. You are erasing so much of him and his feelings and his lived experience. That is not the hill you wanna die on.
Will loves a person. Not a feeling. Yes, he says that Mike makes him feel like he's not a mistake and that he's better for being different. But that's not why he loves him. He feels that way because he loves him.
Mike is a fully fleshed out character with his own feelings and struggles and fears and traumas and motivations. He's not a plot device. He's not just an accessory to Will's arc. He's not a character that was written only to be Will's love interest. He's Will's love interest because he's Mike.
If Mike didn't matter, and if Mike didn't play a significant role in byler, then they would be able to write in a love interest for Will in s5 and have it be somewhat satisfying. But they can't do that. Will's love for Mike has so much depth because Mike has so much depth. It is genuinely crazy that this has to be stated and that I have to back up this claim because it is simply a canon fact.
So yes, the rain fight affects Mike's character development and his involvement in it is important. Yes, the van scene literally could not exist without Mike and therefore his involvement in it is incredibly important. Yes, every single byler moment has an impact on Mike, and Mike has an impact on it because they are BYLER moments. Yes, Mike will have a lot of significant moments - with Will AND on his own - in s5 because his arc deserves and needs as much attention as Will's in order to execute byler endgame in a satisfying way.
No, none of these facts negate Will's importance or take away from his story. If anything, they add to it because Mike and Will's arcs are corresponding and intertwined.
Mike's struggles
To name a few
Dysfunctional family
Has been bullied his entire life
Extreme self worth issues
Inferiority complex
Hero complex
Lack of self preservation
Suicidal ideation (has been on display since SEASON ONE)
Internalized homophobia
To get this out of the way: Mike's internalized homophobia is allowed to be discussed. Discussion of it is not the dismissal of Will's internalized homophobia. Surprise surprise, two queer kids in the 80s have internalized homophobia! Who'd'a thunk it?! Their internalized homophobia presents in different ways but it is there for both of them. I personally relate to the way Mike's is portrayed way more than I relate to Will's. So why is it that we can't discuss it without being accused of erasing Will's experience? Or without people saying that we're "copy and pasting" Will's story? Because quite frankly, that feels dismissive of my - and likely many others' - real and lived experience. So please for the love of all things that are good just stop with this talking point because it will never hold up.
Moving on
I'm not gonna do a full breakdown of all of Mike's issues. Because contrary to popular belief, there are a lot. And that would be exhausting and I'd get carried away and it's not the point of this post. The point of this post is to defend the acknowledgement and mere existence of them.
If you're a byler that for some reason thinks Mike only exists to be Will's love interest and his trophy as compensation for his trauma, let me ask you this: Have you considered how awful it would be to have a queer character's individuality and emotional depth completely ignored for the sake of focusing on the queer character that "really matters"?
If Mike's own issues, with his queer identity and otherwise, aren't thoroughly explored... What's the point of all this? If Mike really is insignificant in this storyline and his individuality has no effect on it.. where's the emotional payoff? If his perspective doesn't matter... Why have the writers gone to such great lengths to ensure we don't have that piece of the puzzle yet?
Analyzing Mike and understanding Mike is very important to understanding byler. Once again, I think it's crazy that this needs to be said.
I also think it's important to note that characters can have similar struggles. There's no rule against that. Just like real life. Characters having similar struggles is not a bad thing, and acknowledging that their struggles are similar is not dismissive of either character. We're talking about STRANGER THINGS. Jonathan and Nancy's thing is "we've got shared trauma". They have literal matching scars. Shared experiences are some of the main building blocks for this show's romances. Byler has a TON of shared experience, basically their entire lives. We already know that. So wouldn't it be so beautiful for them to learn that they've been struggling with the same thing this whole time? That the entire time they felt alone in what they were going through when really they had each other and they never even knew it? Wouldn't it be so beautiful for Mike's acceptance of Will and Will's love for him was also a step toward accepting himself? Wouldn't it be beautiful for Will to learn that his love makes Mike feel like he's not a mistake? None of that would be in the realm of possibility if Mike didn't have emotional depth and if his individuality wasn't important.
And that leads me to my concluding point...
A satisfying execution of byler endgame hinges on Mike's individual emotional arc being handled well
God I hope this isn't controversial to say. I sincerely hope most people haven't forgotten that.
Here's a hypothetical:
Imagine season five has been released. You're watching it, and you notice that Mike has been relegated to just a supporting character for Will. We don't get any of his perspective. We don't get any explanation for his s3 and early s4 behavior. His breakup with El doesn't have any real tangible effect on him, it's really just used for El's character development. We never see him pining for Will like we saw Will pining for him. And then suddenly Mike is learning about the painting and then suddenly he's confessing his love and then suddenly byler is canon and official.
Now wouldn't that just be awful? Wouldn't that be unfair to the audience, to Mike, and to Will? For us to never learn just how much Mike had to go through to even be able to say it out loud? For Mike to never get the chance to prove to himself through word and action that he is the heart? For Will to never get an explanation for why things did get so "weird" between them? It would leave us with one big, nagging question: What was the point of everything Mike has said and done throughout the entire show if his conclusion is that lackluster?
Disregarding Mike for a moment (I know that's incredibly ironic given what the entire point of this is but just bear with me) - how would that be a satisfying conclusion for Will? I mean, Will's s4 arc was basically dedicated to showcasing his struggle with his sexuality and with his love for Mike. We were shown just how deep that love is. We were shown how patient, unselfish, unwavering, and beautiful that love is. So how would it be satisfying for Mike's love for him to not be shown with just as much depth? How would it be satisfying for Mike to just be a one dimensional character whose s5 arc is essentially "break up with girlfriend, wait to find out best friend is in love with him, say he loves him back, then they live happily ever after"? I think Will deserves for his love to be returned with the same intensity at which he gives it. And I think it should be clear to the audience and to Will himself.
Back to Mike!
Mike has been through so much shit. I don't think anyone that is denying that actually believes he hasn't been through shit. Because you'd actually have to watch the show on mute and with your eyes closed to think this kid hasn't had just the worst time. It's so ignorant to act as if this stuff hasn't affected him. There's stuff we've seen but there's stuff we also haven't seen. There are issues he has that date back to his childhood pre-canon. Just like Will, Mike has been a queer kid growing up in 80s smalltown conservative america. Acknowledging the pain he 100% carries because of that is so important. His perspective has been withheld from us, not because it's unimportant, but because it's the final puzzle piece. If we had Mike's perspective in s4, byler wouldn't be a "will they won't they" (even though we all know they will). If we got his perspective in s4, byler would be a "100% certain without a doubt they will". But the thing about his perspective is that it's so much more than just loving Will. It's fear. It's pain. It's insecurity. It's doubt. It's the belief that his happiness just doesn't matter all that much. All of that has to be explored. All of that has to be laid out in the open for us in order for byler endgame to feel earned. Mike's emotional payoff will lead to byler's emotional payoff.
Mike has known he loves Will. In s5 we will see him make a deliberate and active effort to overcome the things keeping him from doing something about it. And then he will do something about it.
And so when it finally happens. When both Mike and Will finally know that their feelings are requited, and when their arcs end with us knowing that they will face whatever life has in store for them together, that will feel earned. That will feel like the logical conclusion for both of them. Not just for Mike. Not just for Will. For both.
And Mike is just as important to that conclusion as Will is.
And one last thing...
Some people are going to talk about Mike more. Some people are going to talk about Will more. Because newsflash, people have preferences. Some people just relate to Mike more, or they find his emotional arc extremely compelling, or they just like him. It isn't an attack on Will or any other character. No one is saying Mike is more important than any other character (I'm sure there are people that say that but they are a vocal minority and they are simply wrong). We are just saying that he is important. If you wanna engage in media analysis, please understand that "main character" or "central character" does not mean "only important character" and "only character that should be analyzed". If you wanna talk about Will and only Will, that's fine. But you don't get to act like people that talk about other characters are doing a disservice to your fave, because that's not how any of this works.
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angelofthepage · 1 month
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Thoughts on the "Updated" Bendy Employee Handbook
Before we go any further, let's make it very clear what kind of post this is: we're not here to hate on the book, and none of anything I'm about to say is said with ill intent. I am here for analysis, constructive criticism, and discussion. This post is a little more critical than what I would usually share, so viewer discretion is advised.
Today we're talking about the newly updated Bendy Employee Handbook, which just recently released as of this month at the time of this post. And I have a lot of questions about this entry, and really, game guides as a whole in our modern gaming world. This book appeared to advertise itself as a rerelease of the original handbook with additional content for Bendy and the Dark Revival, but upon comparing the two, I've noticed there's actually a number of changes they've made, some good, some bad, and some that I'm not sure what to make of. So come and join me under the cut, and if you have some thoughts of your own, feel free to comment or reblog and add to the discussion. Without further ado, here we go!
Part 1: The Baffling Amount of Cut Content
Our story begins where most stories do, the table of contents. So right off the bat, when comparing this book to the original, you'll notice something off.
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No, your eyes do not deceive you, an entire section of the original book was cut, on top of making other sections shorter. And the weirdest part? Some of these things were exclusive to that original book, they didn't appear anywhere else in the Bendy franchise. So already we're off to a weird start. Some of these missing pages aren't so bad though. In some cases, they're just format changes to make the book flow a little better/take up less room. Sometimes they succeed in that, sometimes they end up feeling more cramped, it's pretty subjective whether or not this improved the book. But it certainly does cut down on pages. Case in point, the beginning of each chapter of BATIM.
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Don't worry, Joey's letter hasn't been cut, but it has been moved to earlier in the book, so it's no longer in Chapter 1. This was a very odd change. Other things that are missing are character monologues, but it's inconsistent. Alice Angel's speech about the screaming well of voices and Joey's monologue right before the final boss were kept, but Sammy's "sheep sheep sheep" speech and Bertrum's audiolog right before his boss fight were inexplicably cut.
Here are a few cuts I found pretty significant.
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These pages are all missing from the update. In the case of this newspaper article, what does that mean in regards to whether or not this is "canon" or "retconned"? Joey Drew, did you or did you not have plans to expand into a Bendy themed toothpaste? The people need to know! X''D But seriously, while some of this is inconsequential, some of it matters. The mascot costume in particular, that's the only sketch we get (that I'm assuming came from Bertrum or Joey regarding that part of the parks, no one is specifically credited for making it). It doesn't show up anywhere else in the series (to my knowledge). It's strange that it's just, gone now. The Bendyland spread is such an unfortunate loss, that's some of the closest we've ever gotten to seeing the map of the park. Yes you can see it in BATIM, but being able to get up close and personal with it without having to control Henry was really nice. It makes me wonder if they're trying to erase the past details so they can do more with Bendyland in the future, something that's different from the original vision. I don't think that's it, but it could be, though they'd also have to go back on The Illusion of Living too, given it’s discussed there with some really fun details.
Speaking of which, that's the weirdest piece of cut content: the missing section that ends the old book (that was reiterated in The Illusion of Living). It's Joey Drew's tips for making a cartoon. It's formatted differently and has no images in TIOL, but the basic information is still the same. What's not the same though, is the loss of the tutorial pages for drawing the toons. These are another thing that don’t show up anywhere else in the series, making them a much more permanent loss. And even though this section is cut, it’s still referenced on the back cover of the new book, which is a bit odd.
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These were really cute and showed so much personality for not just the toons, but for Joey as he described them. Cutting this was genuinely disappointing for me. Same with the paperwork in Joey's apartment. Those were some of the highest quality images we had of what was on his desk and bulletin board, and I liked being able to see them clearer. The biggest loss of the cut content isn’t just the pages themselves, but the personality they gave to this book, and the Bendy world as a whole. 
This was the very first Bendy book to be released, and therefore our first look into this world in this format. And while I don’t think it’s the greatest thing in the world in terms of being a game guide, I didn’t pick up the original for a game guide. I picked it up because I wanted to see if it provided more context for the world. And when it does that, it does a good job. The memos from characters we know, Joey’s financial records, the images from the desks of people like Joey and Bertrum, they give us insight into how things were going at the studio. Some of my favorite details from the original are Joey’s memo about how Susie was replaced by Allison, and the receipt for Joe’s Fine Dining. The fact that that memo was distributed to everyone but Susie enhanced what we already knew from BATIM, and it paints him as a much crueler character than we knew him to be. Not to mention the repeated use of “I have to say, I’m an instant fan”. Having Joey say those words makes the concept of him creating the cycle so much more interesting. Like did he script out every little action these characters take? Or is this something Susie picked up and recycled from him after potentially finding this memo in real life? Oh there are so many delicious possibilities. And the lunch date, oh my gosh. One, it started my quest to build the Joey Drew menu using all the things he eats in the books, because damn does he have good taste. And two, it was so cool to have a look into an interaction Susie told us about in that one tape. Like that was REALLY GOOD. Give me more like that! When you have other parts of the series back up things we’ve heard only one character say, it gives more credence to the idea that they actually happened that way, or gives us a clue that we need to check for character biases when they tell us their side of the story. And in a series where MOST characters are unreliable narrators, that is REALLY IMPORTANT for establishing timelines and figuring out what’s real versus what’s fabricated. That was my biggest hope for the update, for more flavortext and world building that expands on things we already know. 
But um…the dark revival part of the book doesn’t do that. 
Part 2: The Dark Revival’s Minimal Offerings
After an abrupt jump from Bendyland to BATDR, we get into the new stuff. The Bendy and the Dark Revival section of this book is alarmingly short and has very little substance. There is no new expansion of the worldbuilding or insight into these characters. I mean, the book describes Heidi as being a female lost one? So if you wanted a confirmation on her gender, there you go I guess? I guess that detail was never like, stated explicitly, but this is me stretching to find something new that it gives us. Actually, wait, it does give us one new thing, but I’m gonna be honest, it kind of rubbed me the wrong way.
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The book refers to Allison having a “pet wolf” when we get her introduction in Chapter 1. It then later describes that Tom “likes being pet” when we get his introduction in Chapter 5. Which by the way, is the only image of Tom in this entire book, since his original render from the old version was cut. Now, I’ll be honest, I used to like that second detail, I thought it was cute that he doesn’t just tolerate Audrey, he actually LIKES being pet. Those are two different things, having some insights into Tom’s feelings and characterization would have been a breath of fresh air. But no, when I reread the book and saw that first detail, that made that really weird and uncomfortable actually. It would be one thing if in-universe, Tom called himself a pet, or Allison called him that with consent. Heck, if there was another character in-universe who wanted to purposely insult Allison and Tom by saying that, that would be fine too, then it’d be reiterating the narrative. But on its own? I take issue with taking Tom of all characters and calling him her pet. The Safehouse Boris never got treated that badly, hell, Buddy in the books never got dehumanized this badly when he became a Boris. But Tom, Tom gets to be the one that’s dehumanized? There is something that really rubs me the wrong way about that. Especially if he turns out to be Thomas Connor or has some connection to him. I can’t assume if he is or isn’t anymore given all the stuff BATDR pulled with Allison and Henry. But on the chance he IS Thomas Connor, do you have any idea how bad that looks, to have a character that, because of details written in Dreams Come to Life, many fans speculate to be a person of color, referring to him as Allison’s “pet”? And even if he ends up not being a person of color (I say as I groan about the inevitable discourse for the DCTL graphic novel that’s coming out), it’s still kind of awful to say that about anyone. Tom is a character that has repeatedly gotten the short end of the stick in this series. He’s relevant to BATDR for all of a couple of minutes, and he’s incredibly underutilized and lacking details or depth for most of the series. Thomas Connor, he gets a bit of depth as of The Lost Ones, that novel does great things for him. But Tom Wolf? Short end of the stick. And I’m sad to see that continue here. 
The one positive thing I have to say about this section is that it’s really nice to have so many of the audiolog character transcripts here. Most of the notes and logs from BATDR are here with all their words typed out. The ones that in-game had a chiller styled font are transcribed a bit strangely, as now they’re written like the messages written on the walls in-game. But it’s not the worst. If anything, all of this gives me a great resource as a theorist. Having a record of all of these and what chapters they appear in makes my goal of constructing a timeline and cross checking information much easier. 
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Though from a graphic design standpoint, these pages frustrate me a little bit. They’re so cramped, and there’s several spots where the text isn’t centered properly within its text block. I get the sense on some parts, it’s because it’s placed so close to the spine of the book, so they don’t want any information getting cut off, but it still looks funky. And there are several spots where that explanation doesn’t really apply. There’s also some weird placement of fun facts. While I love that this book lets us in on some secrets, they’re not always placed in an area that makes sense? Like, there’s a note about how to get the Inkjets Concert, but the steps for how to get it are placed way after a point in the narrative where you’d be able to get it, and I’m kind of scratching my head as to why it was done that way. Is it to encourage a second playthrough? Or is it to not spoil the story? Why not split the information up? Or have a dedicated secrets page like they do with the achievements and theMeatly’s cutouts? 
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Though speaking of not spoiling things, this book is really odd about what it chooses to focus on. So, Henry’s model is in this book, right next to a passage about a “mysterious man” you can meet in the Cyclebreakers area. They showed his model but didn’t name him as Henry? I don’t quite get that choice. Also, despite the cyclebreakers being very important to this story, they aren’t really mentioned before this very brief section. However, Porter? The character shown for all of a few seconds? He’s got at least three images throughout this book. The balance feels off with what this book chooses to put emphasis on. 
Also, this one really annoyed me: Allison. So for everyone who’s actually played BATIM, you would know that Allison Angel is never referred to as Allison within BATIM. We only know she’s called that because people dove into the game’s files and revealed her and Tom’s names upon the release of Chapter 4. And the book follows suit with this, it does not call her Allison in the original handbook whatsoever. HOWEVER, the BATDR section messes this up. When it introduces her, even though in-game she introduces herself as Alice, the book introduces her as Allison. But when we get to Chapter 5, the part where she’s actually named Allison by Audrey, it suddenly switches to calling her Nice Alice? It’s a weird choice and I don’t understand why this happened. 
It leaves me wondering just how much the new author of this section and their editors know about the Bendy series before going into this project. What context were they given to write this thing? It makes the book feel unpolished to have so many mistakes in its formatting and information. I don’t know what the quality control team for this release looked like, but a part of me wonders how many editors this went through before making it to the final release. I don’t work in publishing to know what that looks like, but I’d genuinely love to learn more on this subject, it’s fascinating. 
There’s also a very strong dissonance in the imagery. While I’m glad to see the renders from BATDR’s advertising so clearly and up close, the difference in their coloring looks strange when put next to the rest of Bendy’s usual color palette. It leaves me wondering what assets the book team was given for use in this release. There’s a lot I could say here about the importance of press kits and brand guidelines, especially in this day and age when so many fans are making just as high quality of content as the official releases of media. And that leads me to the most disappointing part of this book. 
Part 3: Stolen Content
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If you’re active in the Bendy fandom and know its many creative members, then you may already know what I’m about to dive into. MLSpence3D is an artist that enjoys 3D modeling, rigging, animating, and rendering. He can often be found engaging in all sorts of corners in the indie mascot horror community, such as playing a notable role in the production of SuperHorrorBro’s upcoming title, Glitched Out, as well as providing the renders used on the Bendy Wiki of the in-game characters. Spence has had his work mistaken for official renders before, and unfortunately, it’s not just fans making that mistake. The render of the Piper used in the BATIM portion of the original handbook is Spence’s, and it unfortunately hasn’t been removed in this update, nor has he been credited or asked for permission to have it used here. I’ll admit, his stuff looks so official that I’ve mistaken it as such too, and it speaks to a much needed conversation on assets, metadata, and protection for artists of all mediums. 
Our fandom is not the only place where this happens. Back when FNAF: Help Wanted was in production, the cover art mistakenly used fan renders as a part of its photomanipulation. Developer Scott Cawthon was quick to apologize and make things right, removing the renders and replacing them with officially made FNAF models. Heck, we had something similar happen right here with Bendy back when the voice cast of BATDR started working with Streamily. The initial post that advertised their Streamily debut used renders from Spence and a few other artists that had to be tracked down, and they didn’t have the rights to use them, nor were they credited. It makes a lot of sense that this happens, when you don’t have sufficient resources and aren’t an active member of the fandom, if you’re a graphic designer trying to make a piece to advertise something, you’re going to need assets to make that. And if you’re not given sufficient assets by the people you’re designing for, you turn to other sources to get the job done. They may not know what on Google is official vs fan content. The fans are so skilled and passionate about what they do, and with the number of series that have fans steadily joining the official teams, it’s incredible what can result from being passionate. But it also makes for a much needed reminder to add metadata to your files so that they can be traced back as belonging to you. Watermark your stuff, clearly mark your work as fan content in the tags, captions, and descriptions, in an effort to protect yourself. Don’t use images you find online unless you have a very clear idea of where they came from, so you can direct people back to the source when they ask about it (or better yet, link the source in your description from the start). Give people another reason to pause and double check their work in the chain of command (they should be pausing to double check anyway, but let's be real, we don't live in a perfect world). In a world where credit and sources are more important than ever, remembering to give credit where it’s due from the start will save you all kinds of headaches in the future. Video game developers, especially those of you in the indie scene: please develop press kits to give to people your teams collaborate with. By giving them assets they can reliably use to advertise for you, you will save everyone a lot of hassle in the long run. And if this is still happening even with a press kit, it merits having some conversations to evaluate why and solve the problem. If there is no other takeaway anyone gets from this post, this is the big one I want to see some positive change on in the future.
Part 4: The Functionality as a Game Guide
This book works for your first time through BATDR, but not for any kind of sequential playthroughs. The way it directs you through the game uses the audiologs and notes as waypoints. Once you pick them up, they are removed from the environment, and so if you’re picking up the game after a long time away from it, you’re not gonna remember where those were, so it’s likely not going to be useful for navigating. It reminds me a lot of the way my parents talked about one of our old hometowns. We lived in Vermont for a little while, and there were two things about our area that we laughed about. One, never leave your car unlocked unless you want it filled with zucchini. Two, if you ask for directions, you’re not gonna have a clue unless you’re a local, because they word everything in a similar fashion to “you’re gonna drive past where the old barn used to be”. At least give me a landmark that still exists, or a map! The BATIM chapters aren’t much better, they sort of give you a layout map, but it’s not helpful. Especially in Chapter 3, the place where you arguably need a map the most, there is no kind of instruction for how to get through Alice’s fetch quests if you get lost. 
In my mind, a game guide is something you turn to when you need help getting through a game. Now, mind you, I am not the target audience for a game guide. I don’t own game guides. There are a few in my household that my siblings own, for stuff like Super Mario Sunshine, and I guess technically my Pokedex for Pokemon Black and White 2 DOES double as a game guide. But like, we now live in the age of the internet. If you want to know how to get through something, there are a million articles and Let’s Plays that detail how to complete the base story, find secrets, and even suggest strategies for tackling difficult challenges. Some of these are designed to be informative, and some are more reactionary and built for entertainment, there’s lots of flavors to choose from! 
And it makes me wonder, what does that mean for the medium of game guides as a whole? I think they still have their place. For one thing, different people benefit from different learning styles. Being able to read a guide may work better for someone than a video depending on their brain wiring. And for people who don’t have reliable or frankly any internet, or rely on a library for that, it’s nice to have a book so that you don’t have to wait to keep playing. I’ve never seen anyone get a game guide from a library, but I absolutely think it’s something a library could have. It’s also just really convenient to have all of that information available in one book, as opposed to having to search through multiple forums and sources and risk getting spoiled. And when they’re done well, sometimes they can have secrets not even the existing player base knew. Like I knew that there was this secret about a ghost train that appears if you set your system’s clock to 4:14, but I didn’t know if AM or PM mattered. Thanks to this book, now I know that it doesn’t matter, both work, which is really handy to know! But uh…most of the secrets that were revealed in this book were things I knew within the first month that BATDR came out. None of them were new to me as someone who’s plugged into the world of Bendy. There have been multiple videos detailing how to get these secrets, and how to play this game, by many different indie horror enthusiasts. It almost makes it feel like this book came out a bit too late, and it’s only released about a year or so after this game came out.
Which really begs the question, who was the target audience for this book? Was it for new fans who were struggling with these games? Was it for longtime fans who wanted a memento of the occasion and a record of all the stuff in these games? Was it for lore hunters hungry for new secrets and world building? Having read both versions of the employee handbook, I still can’t definitively say who the target audience is. That kind of frustrates me, that’s the first thing they taught us about back when I went to school for graphic design. It’s important to keep your audience in mind when designing something, that way it caters to their needs, appeals to them, and gets your message across effectively. 
Part 5: Final Thoughts
I still can’t say for sure what I was supposed to get out of this.The parts of it that I found charming and appealing were not continued or built upon in this update. There is no new world building or lore. It doesn’t do an effective job as a game guide given its reliance on non-permanent elements of gameplay. It doesn’t give us tools to cross reference what we know from previous entries, nor does it expand upon details that lacked clarity within BATDR or BATIM. It removed some of its more charming content, and it still has stolen artwork from its previous iteration. By the time I got done reading this book, I was left feeling disappointed and kind of exhausted. No joke, I grabbed a friend, and we went through it all to compare it page by page to see what changed. It was something you could make a drinking game out of, not that I would recommend that. 
I would struggle to recommend this book to any Bendy fan, unless you’re a completionist like me who wants to own every book as a physical copy. The original employee handbook was a far better read, and if you can find a copy secondhand or at your local library, you’re in for a small but tasty treat (quite literally if you decide to make the bacon soup recipe, which fun fact, originated in this book and was developed by the wife of Bookpast, one of the writers on this series!). The Dark Revival section feels tacked on and not as well thought out as the original book was. There is a very odd disconnect between the two. I’m genuinely confused as to why it was put in a rerelease of this book rather than making an entirely new book for Dark Revival. Dark Revival is a much longer and detailed game than Bendy and the Ink Machine. I would expect a book that describes how to play it and its world building to take up a lot more pages and go in depth on different details than this one did. So why was it done this way? Does this have to do with some sort of contract with Scholastic that we don’t know about? Was there a time constraint, or a page count that had to be met that they couldn’t meet with just BATDR? Did the people working on Bendy have too much on their plates to dedicate the time to a new book? What happened here? I wasn’t expecting to leave this book with more questions than answers, but here we are. 
Overall, I don’t think it was worth what I paid for it, but it’s going to live on my shelf with the rest of my books. This will be handy for when I need to reference the audiologs and don’t want to look up a YouTube video to remember what was said. It’ll also be nice if I’m traveling. See, whenever I visit my grandparents, their wifi is pretty limited, so if I want to draw anything while I’m up there, I have to print out references or download images on my phone before I go so I can do that. Having some of the new renders in this book will be useful if I decide I want to draw Bendy stuff or theorize while on the road. 
Now it's your turn. Tell me your thoughts on the Updated Edition of the Bendy Employee Handbook! Is this something you want to read? If you have read it, did you enjoy it? Were you left wanting more? If we ever get another book like this, what sort of things would you like to see? Let's talk about it. And remember, if you did enjoy it, that's not a bad thing, absolutely no judgement there. Just because it wasn't for me doesn't mean it's not going to be enjoyable for someone else. Every work of fiction has its audience. <3 Here's wishing you a wonderful rest of the day, and happy reading!
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max1461 · 8 months
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I have a lot of thoughts about epistemology and the nature of procedural knowledge. Studying linguistics really impresses upon you just the sheer amount of human knowledge that is procedural and implicit. Languages are these huge, ridiculously complex systems, and even when it comes to the most thoroughly documented language in human history (English), you can still make an entire career documenting as-yet-unknown minutiae of some corner of a corner of the system. It's very difficult to impress upon non-linguists just how big and ill-understood languages are.
There is no book which explains the whole of English grammar. No one on earth knows the complete rule-set of English grammar. Not even for one dialect, not even for one single speaker. No one on earth could write a comprehensive treatise on English pronunciation. We do not know how English works. We do not know how any language works.
And yet, these systems are, in their entirety, already stored in the mind of every native speaker.
When it comes to synchronic information, I literally already know everything there is to know about my dialect of English. I know the timing of every articulation, the exact rules for verb and auxiliary and quantifier placement, the phonology, semantics, syntax, the lexical variation, the registers, all of it. I can deploy it effortlessly while I am thinking about something else. I can form reams of perfectly grammatical English sentences without a second thought. I can deploy the most arcane rules of wh-movement and quantifier raising and whatever else. With no effort at all.
Tens of thousands of people having been making careers trying to document these things, not for my exact dialect but for varieties essentially the same as mine, for 60 years in earnest. And they aren't close to done. And I already know it all. And so do they! They already know it too! The hard part is accessing it, putting it down on paper. That requires experimentation, systematic empirical investigation—science.
So what this has really impressed on me is how much of human knowledge is procedural. How much of it is known only in the doing. I'd wager that's the significant majority of what we know.
This is related to two thoughts that I have.
The first is about the value of unbroken lines of cultural inheritance. With language, the difference between native speakers and second language learners is stark. I think it's safe to say, per current research, that someone who learns a language in adulthood will simply never have the same command of it as someone who learned it in childhood. There are a variety of tests which consistently distinguish native from non-native speakers. You can get very good at a language as an adult learner, good enough for basically all practical needs (except being a spy), but there's a bar your brain just cannot meet.
The unfortunate fact about language is this: if the line of native-speaker-to-child transmission is ever broken, that language is lost. You can try to revive... something, if you want. Like was done with Hebrew in Israel. But it will not be the same language. And not just in the sense that, by the passing of time, all languages inherently change. In a much stronger sense than that. No matter how big a text corpus you have, no matter how well documented the language is, there is an immense body of implicit, undocumented, procedural knowledge that dies when the last native speaker does. And you cannot ever get it back.
I think, often, about the fact that so much human knowledge is procedural, is used and understood and passed on in illegible, difficult to codify ways. I think about the effect that a rapidly changing world has on this body of knowledge. Is it going to be essential for human prosperity? Probably not. But that doesn't mean that losing it will harmless. Certainly I expect much of it to be missed.
The second thought is about an epistemic distinction that I've had in my head for a long time, a distinction I'd like to refer to as that between a science and an art.
An art is any endeavor for which there is an established methodology, an established set of procedures and rules. These rules can be explicit and codified, like the rules of a game, or implicit, like the grammar of a language. They can be absolute or they can be mere guidelines. But in essence, an art is anything you can get good at. Math is quintessentially an art. Football is an art. Ballet is an art. Painting is an art. An art is any endeavor in which procedural knowledge is acquired and channeled and refined and passed on.
Art contrasts with science. A science is any endeavor in which one is shooting blind. Science is the domain of guesswork and trial-and-error. Sciences are those domains that do not lend themself to practice, because... what would you practice at? You cannot get better at science, because science is not about skill. Science is about exploration. It necessarily involves forging your own path, working with odd and faulty tools and odd and faulty ideas, trying to get them to work. Science only exists at the frontiers; when a path is well-tread enough that a body of procedure becomes known and practiced, that path is now art and no longer science.
This distinction is not a taxonomy. Everything we do involves a little bit of art and a little bit of science. Everything involves both a refinement of known skills and an exploration of new avenues. Of course there's a little bit of science in painting, there's quite a lot of science in painting. Every modern and contemporary art museum is full of it! And there's science in math, every once in a while. And there's art in biology and chemistry. Art and science are two modes of engagement, and different endeavors demand them of you in different ways.
Perhaps science is like a glider (you know, from Conway's game of life?), traveling ever outward, and with enough passes over the same area leaving art in its wake. And I think in some sense that all real human knowledge exists as art, that all endeavors capable of producing true insight are either arts or sciences buttressed by a great many supporting arts. Although maybe I'm wrong about this.
I think history is mostly science, and in large part history as a field seems to be on quite solid epistemic footing. So I don't want to convey the idea that science is inherently dubious; clearly from the above description that can't be my position. Nor is art inherently trustworthy—for instance I think jurisprudence is primarily an art, including religious jurisprudence, which of course I don't place any stock in. But I do think I'm getting at something with the idea that there are a range of epistemic benefits to working within an art that one lacks access to in a totally unconstrained science. This is also closely related to my ideas about abstraction and concretization schemes.
Language is an art, one of the oldest arts, but modern linguistics is more or less a science. Like any good science, linguistics has certain arts unique to itself—fieldwork and the comparative method come to mind—but the most vibrant parts of the field at present are science through-and-through. It's a science whose objects of study are arts, and I think maybe that's part of why I've become so aware of this distinction. Or, language is the ur-example of an art, the art from which (if I were to conjecture wildly) I think the cognitive machinery for very many other arts has been borrowed. But I don't really know.
Anyway, those are my thoughts.
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fuckyeahizzyhands · 4 months
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COLLIDER: I'm so glad that we finally got the chance to touch base about the show.
CON O’NEILL: Yeah. It's been really uncomfortable not being able to talk about it.
COLLIDER: Izzy, as a character, really goes on a beautiful, poignant journey this season. In the beginning, Ed is Blackbeard and back to the old lifestyle of raiding and pillaging ships, but it feels like something's off. Izzy has what he wanted back, but at what cost? What was your take on that — reverting to the way that things used to be, but, obviously, there's been a shift, and things aren't quite the same?
O’NEILL: It goes back to how it used to be, but Ed’s broken, and that's the difference. Before Stede appeared, Izzy and Blackbeard worked as a unit really, really well because they were both on the same page. When Stede breaks Blackbeard's heart, Izzy and Blackbeard aren't on the same page. Basically, Izzy’s looking at a man that he loves falling apart, and all the joy is gone — not just from Blackbeard, but from piracy. He can see Ed's decline, he can see the decline in his crew, which is fundamentally really, really the most important thing to him. He can feel his own heart breaking, because he's seeing the devastating impact of his actions. So, it's a pretty bleak start to a season, but we do have fabulous make-up.
COLLIDER: It does feel bleak, especially for Izzy at times, who goes through the amputation and has to adjust to a new normal of not being able to get around the way that he used to. But it's also an opportunity to see the changing dynamic with the crew. I was really touched by the moment when they built [Izzy] a new leg. It's moving on an emotional level, but it's also proof of how far this group has come. Was it nicer to be able to play those moments of camaraderie instead of being at odds all the time?
O’NEILL: What's interesting, though, is the love for Izzy to his crew and the crew to Izzy, it's always been there. It's just not being presented in this way. The giving of the leg, I believe, is the first time in his life where he's actually had an emotional connection that he wasn't able to control. That act of kindness overwhelms it. But he's still a pirate, and the leg ultimately allows him to be a pirate again. He does change his attitude towards his crew after the new leg and after the unicorn statement, but it's also about how to navigate the new crew as the first mate. And that's the beauty of what David's written. It's not suddenly he's this new guy. He's still a bit of a dick, but he's their dick, as Vico says.
It's a beautiful human version of the story that could have been really sentimental, and I don't think we go there. He doesn't suddenly become everyone's mate. That was never going to happen. That would have been dishonest. But he just has a need for them more because he's not as physically able as he used to be, and with that comes an understanding of them. The way he deals with Lucius is very specific in that he can't give Lucius love and understanding without calling him a twat — because that's who Izzy is, but he does give him love and understanding — and that's down to David and David's choices. Remember, this is a comedy. He's done all this in a comedy. That's really profound that we're going on these routes of human stories in what is essentially a comedy.
COLLIDER: One that really stuck out to me was Izzy singing in the “Calypso's Birthday” episode, especially because it plays as a backdrop to some pretty significant moments. I wanted to ask you about the preparation process behind performing that song. Did you have to record it and also do it live on-set?
O’NEILL: I got an email from David a third of the way through the shoot asking me if I knew “La vie en rose,” which, of course, I knew, but only as I'd heard it. I was actually in Wellington filming a different show because I did a different show for a week, and I just got this message. We were just gonna sing the English version because we didn't have the rights to the French version, and I don't speak any French at all. Nothing. Zilch. And then I got the phone call. Would I be able to learn it in French? So I did. I called a lot of people, and a lot of people who say they speak French don't. But my partner does, and I have a friend who just played Piaf. So, between the two of them, they gave me an understanding of the French.
We recorded both versions, and I lip-synced to the English version first before the scene with Ned. I thought we were just gonna do a little bit of the French version for the end of the episode. I had no understanding that it was gonna play out the episode. I’m thrilled that it does, but it was terrifying. Every minute of that, from the recording of it to the lip-syncing it to the filming it, was terrifying. I haven't sung in public for 20 years. But it felt right, and it felt like the absolute right choice of song. It felt like the absolute right choice of language. I didn't want him to be too French, I just wanted him to be able to because Izzy speaks bits of every language, as most pirates would. I thought it was audacious. I thought it was moving. I thought, again, it shied away from sentimental. And I’m just in awe of how David's brain works. If you would have asked me prior to doing it which song Izzy would sing, I'd never have thought “La vie en rose,” and now I can't think of a song that's more appropriate for Izzy.
COLLIDER: I talked to David, as well, about the scene of Izzy talking about piracy in the finale, and he said it's kind of like Izzy giving his own eulogy, in a way, before what happens next. That scene where Taika is holding you feels significant for the show — not just in terms of the weight and impact, but because so much of the cast is there, and it really feels like a moment of family getting to be together. Even if it's mostly an exchange between Izzy and Ed, everyone's there to send him off. I would love to hear about the experience of filming that on the day.
O’NEILL: David sent me the scene a few weeks prior, and the date was set to film it, which was gonna be in the last week of filming. It was early on in the last week, and then it was in the middle of the last week, and then it was scheduled for the morning of the last day. Then, suddenly, it became the last thing we were gonna ever film in Season 2.
Those things aren't easy. They're quite difficult because no matter how you think about it in your head, it's not gonna play that way. We were on a set, we were on the ship, there were hundreds of crew, there was the whole cast, they were setting up the shot. It was busy. David, bless him, played a playlist to help us all get in the mood, but it's just a cacophony of noise and busyness, and we’re getting towards the end of the day.
Suddenly, it was just me and Taika. Suddenly, all the noise disappeared, and suddenly, all the process of filming a scene disappeared, and it was just me and him. And Taika is a wonderful actor. Everyone talks about his writing and his directing, and this and that. Taika is a beautiful actor to play opposite. And in that moment, we just got to say goodbye to a character that we both loved. You never get a death scene that's going to get all those boxes, but for me, it was never about what Izzy said. It was about Izzy being vulnerable enough and brave enough to say, “Sit with me.” It was about Izzy being allowed to be held in the last moments of his life. That's all I remember about the day. I’m very proud of it.
COLLIDER: I just want to say thank you so much for taking the time to chat with me about the show. It's been great to finally get to reconnect with the cast and to really get to talk about Season 2.
O’NEILL: Oh, it’s my pleasure. It’s my pleasure.
COLLIDER: I’ve enjoyed your performance so much these last two seasons, and who knows? Maybe we'll see Izzy's ghost pop up in Season 3.
O’NEILL: Who knows?
COLLIDER: You can't predict anything with this show.
O’NEILL: No, none of us can, and none of us know. Literally, we are all in the dark, all of us, David included. None of us knows what's gonna happen. David always wanted three seasons, and I think this story should be allowed to run its course. I would say that because I'm involved, but even if Izzy isn't involved in Season 3, I would be heartbroken for the show if it didn’t get to conclude, because it's an important show.
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pansear-doodles · 8 months
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Hunter Spearcane Concept that's recently released on Patreon. I plan to make more detailed concept stuff in the future. I have recently also posted some designs for Hero, which I cannot reveal publicly yet until these characters make their debut...
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You can check the original post in my Patreon but its description is below the cut
Happy Disability Pride Month!
I've been meaning to introduce something for my Anthro Hunter but we're unfortunately not in that time of the current story yet. I've been conceptualizing this (in my head) for quite some time. I figured putting it on my Patreon for early access would be a good introduction to the type of content you'd see here- concepts and such that I'm not as comfortable putting up on my tumblr just yet (because then it would make people think of things that aren't quite there in the story yet and confuse them).
Eventually Hunter would meet a casual death, but NSH introduces to them a peculiar gift: A Spearcane, using materials from their own parts. This tool would be incredibly useful in aiding them, both on the health and combat aspects. It is the next step to Hunter's ongoing arc of them fighting off their illness.
Hunter is initially reluctant and a little embarrassed to use it, not fully grasping its full functionality yet, but it would slowly grow on them.
The sturdy yet light Spearcane has different primary modes:
Full Spear mode - Which is the default mode of the spearcane. On the middle of it is a comfortable grip in the shape of NSH's symbol. This grip area is the centralized part of the spearcane for its other modes as well.
Dual Spear mode - The spearcane is able to divide itself into two shorter spears. It can lock itself back together on command or by manual.
Cane mode - Mostly used for non-combative purposes. After experiencing tremors (which tires out their body) or if Hunter feels withdrawn (or if they wish to traverse rough terrain better), Cane mode is activated to make moving around easier.
Pocket Size mode - The spearcane can retract itself into a much more portable mode. This mode is also activated when it is alerting others or going towards the master, much like a drone.
The Spearcane in cane mode has a wrist strap that is adorned by soft accessories representative of Artificer and their pups. They can use these accessories as stim toys.
The foot of the spearcane is secure and gravitated towards the ground when it detects unusual bodily circumstances in Hunter (mostly for when they are starting to struggle or when they are about to have a tremor). The cane is explosion-proof, so it can be laced in that material and still be intact. The only downside is that it would be on cooldown, so for a while it couldn't be called to, change modes or float.
Now since the spearcane is precious, Hunter doesn't want it to be on the wrong hands, so NSH created a function that shocks the holder upon a certain command "It's Mine!"- a jolt that is comparable to a baby centipede. It's significant that the spearcane doesn't shock when its simply held by anyone other than Hunter, since Hunter would be comfortable allowing their family and friends to use it. (and this would lead to funny shenanigans)
While it is powerful and not that easy to lose as it can be summoned by a simple whistle, the spearcane can still potentially be lost- to allude to the idea that it is imperfect even still- and a bit limiting. The spearcane, while its able to lay Hunter down more easily upon a tremor, life can be a bit unpredictable- and ofc it won't pull out a full-on-mattress. I just feel that's a bit excessive at that point considering everything else it has.
I had research and consultation with cane users. I even saw some users earlier today in the grocery as I was looking for bell peppers haha. Retractable canes are a thing in real life and I really did utilize that and Rain World's technological aspects (while in the acknowledgement that most technologies in the current timeline setting is tarnished and limited) to its full service. Artificer has mementos that remind them of their family, and so shall Hunter- in the form of little objects attached to an object with the primary function of supporting them.
I wonder if summoning canes that can fly about and alert nearby assistants would be practical and possible in the real world...
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septembercfawkes · 10 days
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Circling vs. Zigzagging Conflicts
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Nearly every writer understands that a story needs conflict. The protagonist sets off to fulfill a goal, runs into an antagonistic force, and their struggle creates conflict. This should happen in the story as a whole, this should happen in acts, and it should happen in almost every scene--the difference is that the smaller the structural unit, the smaller the antagonist and conflict (simplistically speaking).
Today I want to talk about a sneaky problem I sometimes see when editing manuscripts, one that relates to conflicts.
Sometimes the writer simply “circles” the conflict.
What I mean is that after a given conflict, nothing has actually changed in the story. We just completed a “circle.”
For example, say the protagonist is a favorite target of the schoolyard bully. They get into a verbal fight, but when it's over, nothing's different. The conflict didn't have any consequences.
It may not sound that bad.
And if it only happens once in a while, and there are enough other conflicts going on, it may not be.
But if this happens repeatedly or this is the main conflict, the plot isn't progressing. It just did a circle and the characters ended up in the same situation they were before the encounter. Essentially, no matter how exciting the scene may seem to be, you could still cut it and the story would be the same.
Let's look at an even less obvious example.
The protagonist needs to get Object X from Character B.
The protagonist finds a way to successfully steal it.
But then immediately afterward, Character B steals it back.
The scene ends, and the protagonist is back at square one.
It doesn't sound that bad, does it?
And if it only happens once in a while, and there are enough other conflicts going on, it may not be.
But if this sort of thing happens repeatedly--over and over and over--the plot isn't progressing. You're just going back and forth and back and forth and back and forth. And if we just arc that path a bit, guess what? It creates a circle.
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Another example:
The protagonist has a problem.
But she's not taking action to solve the problem. 
Yes, she reacts emotionally to the problem.
She may even sometimes come up with a plan for how to try to solve the problem.
But she doesn't execute it. Or, some other problem comes up that keeps her from executing it.
And rather than come up with and execute a new plan to address that problem.
She just reacts emotionally to the problem.
Imagine this going on for multiple scenes.
The plot isn't progressing. She's just ruminating.
It still feels like the text is just circling the conflict.
Please know I'm not saying a story can never do these things. On rare occasions, circling conflicts can be useful, like when the point is to show the audience how some things don't change. My first example may arguably work near the beginning of the story, to show what the protagonist's day-to-day life is like. My second example can sometimes work as a frustrating irony. And my last example, well . . . don't do my last example. Okay, okay, maybe it could work to show off how the protagonist is incapable of or has the flaw of never moving forward (and chances are it'd probably be better to illustrate that through summary, rather than scene).
And some degree of circling can work, when the story needs to end with the characters and world in the same place they started, like in a serial, but note that usually through the installment, there isn't much circling.
And often, even if the external circumstances complete a circle, the journey changed the character internally in some significant way.
BUT if you are repeatedly writing examples like those above, where the situation at the end of a scene or act is essentially the same as it was at the beginning of the scene or act, then you aren't moving the story forward.
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Sure, conflict may show up on the page, but the text is just circling it.
Instead, it's much more effective to create a zigzag. 
If we wanted to keep this super simple, we might say the scene (or act) needs to move from a positive situation to a negative situation, or a negative situation to a positive situation. Or, a positive situation to a better situation, or a negative situation to a worse situation. Essentially:
+ --> -
- --> +
+ --> ++
- --> --
This is a good starting point, but I admit, it sometimes feels oversimplified to me.
In any case, the situation the character is in, has changed.
The story didn't do a circle. It did a zigzag (or zigzigger or zagzagger). 
The protagonist had a goal, encountered an antagonist, had a conflict, and the conflict came to a definitive outcome (if only on the small scale for that scene). It hit a climax or turning point.
And that outcome carries consequences.
The protagonist gets in an argument with the bully and gets suspended for his language. If he's suspended, his parents will ground him, and he won't get to go on an upcoming date with his crush. It's a setback.
Character B steals Object X back and in the process, mortally wounds the protagonist. Now the protagonist needs to get help before they die.
The protagonist takes action to solve the new problem, and not only succeeds, but manages to solve her original problem at the same time.
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But often just adding consequences isn't enough. We need to make sure the consequences aren't or can't be undone, at least not easily or coincidentally. We don't have the protagonist's dad have a serendipitous change of heart and simply allow the protagonist to go on the date.
Don't undo what you just did (generally speaking). 
If the protagonist ended with a bigger or new problem, make him put in the effort to try to solve it. (See the "No, and . . ." vs. "Yes, but . . . " rule under "Disaster.")
And don't forget my "acid test" for plot progression. At the end of the scene (or act), ask, did the protagonist's current goal and/or plan shift? If the answer is no, chances are you did a circle. (Or you at least left things stagnating). If the answer is yes, something changed.
As I mentioned above, sometimes the change is internal. 
Maybe Character B did simply steal Object X back, but maybe that leads to the protagonist realizing he doesn't want Object X as much as he wants revenge on Character B. He hatches a plan to exact that.
While that may not be as strong as the protagonist getting mortally wounded, it's better than nothing changing, and the experience does change the direction of the story.
Personally, I'd still be cautious of writing such a situation, though. In most types of stories, we want consequences to be both internal and external.
But that topic could be another post.
So in closing: zigzagging conflicts is better than circling them.
Adieu.
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thydungeongal · 3 months
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A bit of thinking about when to roll for dice in a game and how it relates to the principles of PbtA games as demonstrated by the OG (and still one of the best PbtA games in my opinion), Apocalypse World
There's a point that gets talked about a lot in tabletop RPG circles which I think is good advice in general but isn't entirely without its problems, which is the idea that "only roll the dice when success or failure is interesting," sometimes also phrased as "say yes or roll the dice."
On the surface it is a good idea in my opinion. In general when you roll there should be at least some consequences regardless of the result. The situation should change somewhat. It can be as minor as "your character now has fewer hit points" or "the goblin wasted its action failing to attack you and now it's your turn." Those two are not the best examples because I'm using a very common D&D combat example and D&D's combat can often be quite static, but you get what you mean.
But I think there is a slight problem here in the principle of "don't roll if it doesn't matter," because if the game itself says you should roll for a thing, but then there's a possibility of that check resulting in nothing lost or gained and the situation staying the same... would you have been better off not rolling?
The problem is that sometimes systems do not have interesting consequences for failure built in and while the game may imply elsewhere that the game is opinionated about some activity (for an example, having a very specific knowledge skill) but then does not have the tools for creating interesting interactions around that activity, you end up in a situation where the game is telling you that there might be something interesting to be achieved with this mechanical interaction, but leaving it up to the GM to do on-the-fly game design about when a situation merits a roll and what the best consequences for failure and success are.
Enter PbtA. Now, PbtA games aren't all universally good, but the principles demonstrated by the original game, Apocalypse World, are solid in my opinion. Truth be told, I'm puzzled to this day by the presentation of Apocalypse World as some obtuse impenetrable nightmare game and the system as somehow requiring you to twist your brain into a completely different shape to understand it. It's ultimately an RPG with a very trad format albeit some funny vocabulary. The game basically runs as free play, as a conversation between the players (and okay, I guess the game makes an allowance for greater sharing of narrative control among the players, which was quite shocking for its time), and the mechanics jump in when a player narrates their character doing something the system is opinionated about.
You won't be rolling unnecessarily because the game specifically demands that your character does a thing that the rules are opinionated about. But once the mechanics do kick in you must roll. "To do it, do it." But also, if you do it, you do it.
On the surface this might seem to fly in the face of the idea of players only rolling if there's a significant chance of something interesting happening. But that's the thing: these little mechanical units that PbtA uses, called moves, are structured in such a way that no matter what you roll, the situation changes in some way.
The rules demand that the rules not be used unless something happens that the rules are opinionated about. When something that the rules are opinionated about happens you must use the mechanics. And when you do use the mechanics, the mechanics themselves make sure that success and failure are interesting and that the situation will change.
None of that is to say that the principle of only rolling when there is something at stake and either success or failure will result in something interesting is bad, but it is absolutely a concern that can already be alleviated at the level of game design.
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Animal rights vs animal welfare , aka why I struggle to identify as vegan
Not every animal rights issue puts the welfare of the animals first, which is seen most often in groups such as peta.
In animal welfare cases there is such a large difference between different types of animals and peoples opinions on how they should be treated, it makes me wish there were universal rules that could be applied to all animals and people could get in serious trouble for it (its not illegal to keep a dog locked indoors without walking it but that doesn't mean it's good for the dog)
Personally and in my own experience, zoos and aquariums that have high welfare standards do help people to connect with and understand wild species better and it gives people more incentive to help that animal if they are endangered and aren't typically cute, I've seen it and experienced it with vultures, no one really cares about the conservation of vultures until they see them in person.
I fully believe that it's possible to ride horses with the horses permission and for the horse to enjoy it, as long as it is done correctly. Every horse breed we have today is a domesticated or comes from the domesticated species, there is only one true wild horse species left in the world - the przewalski's horse, with only one record of a person being able to ride one. Your shetlands/clydesdales/warmbloods/icelandics were bred to be domestic, they bred to carry people and pull carts. Is there a significant amount of abuse in the equine industry ? Yes. Is the current equestrian standard putting the horses needs first ? No. Is the "normal" / industry standard way of backing a horse beneficial for them ? Nope. But that doesn't mean none of it is, yes riding two year old horses can cause significant health problems but not everyone starts their horses at that age, it's becoming more common for individuals to start training their horse for ridden work at 4 years old because they are more developed physically and mentally. They can learn more complex things and develop more confidence. Yes, some people try to speed up the training process with abusive and harsh methods, but not everyone does.
Not every human-animal interaction is good or bad, it depends heavily on the circumstances of the situation and how the interaction is handled
Everyone is capable of harming animals when they aren't informed of their care/behavioural cues. I see far too many "animal sanctuaries" interacting and caring for animals in neglectful/dangerous/sometimes abusive methods because they haven't researched the animal they're trying to look after
I dont believe it's possible for all pets to be fed a plant based diet, and I don't believe that all exotic pets are inherently bad. Like I said before research is needed so you can look after them properly and obtain them through responsible methods.
Some culls are necessary to sustain the current ecosystem in place in certain areas, because humans messed up and removed natural predators or let invasive species take over (yes I'm talking about deer and grey squirrels, yes I will die on this hill, no you can't change my mind on this one)
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touhoucrackmonth · 1 month
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Welcome to the first Touhou Crack Month!
Are you bored of conventional ships? Do you want more spice in Touhou works? Are you a writer up to a challenge? Do you want to try something completely new for a change? Do you want to see utter chaos reign? Whatever your reason is, welcome to the first edition of the Touhou Crack Month!
What is this event?
This is a month-long event where writers are given randomly-generated crack pairings, and have to desperately wrangle with whatever insane ship the RNG gods have wrought upon them.
The goal of this event is to celebrate creativity, originality and adaptability in shipping, and spawn many crackfics for readers and writers alike to enjoy!
Proceedings
The event lasts the whole month of March, starting on March 1st at 00:01 and ending on April 1st at midnight (both CET), so all fics should be published before that deadline. Each participant will get randomly-generated pairings to write fics about. All participants will receive different pairings, though a single participant can receive multiple pairings with shared characters.
Participants are encouraged to write several fics (up to 4) throughout the month, but there is no small contribution to this crackmonth! If you want to try your hand at a crackship but don't think you'll have the time to write more than one story, that's perfectly fine!
Please reblog and share this post with anyone you think might be interested!
Guide for potential participants (keep reading)
To participate, simply sign up using the form provided near the end of this post. In there, you can select different options to customize your event. First is a 'difficulty' setting:
Easy: you will receive 4 randomly-generated pairings, with one to choose from for your fic.
Normal: same as Easy, but with 3 pairings.
Hard: same as Normal, but with 2 pairings.
Lunatic: same as Normal, but with only 1 pairing, which means you have no choice!
You are not required to disclose your chosen difficulty, nor should you be judged for it.
You also have options to exclude some characters, for instance if you know them too little, or if you don't want to write ship content involving them. It's important you fill this in correctly, as the pairings that are sent to you are final and non-negotiable!
Completed fics are to be published to the official Touhou Crack Month 2024 collection.
If you're done with a fic and wish to write another one, simply apply again once the fic for your previous pairing has been published to the collection. You can only write up to 4 fics during the month.
Eligible pairings
Generally, eligible pairings are those where the two characters have no significant canon dialogue, interactions or strong backstory links (the latter case covers pairings such as Miko/Saki). Generic, one-off fight banter generally doesn't count (especially relevant for playable characters), nor does VS mode-exclusive dialogue (not counted as canon), nor do very brief manga/print work scenes (for instance the big banquet of Silent Sinner in Blue).
Additionally, the characters shouldn't be successive bosses in the same game (e.g. Wriggle/Mystia, Doremy/Sagume) on account of how relatively popular those pairings tend to be. In any case, the pairing should also have strictly less than 5 AO3 works under its tag(s), if applicable.
This event is yuri (F/F) only; male characters are excluded. Non-humanoid characters are also excluded unless otherwise specified by individual participants.
Note that these rules aren't exhaustive and there may be some pairings that we reserve the right to include or exclude when generating the prompts.
General fic rules
No NSFW, no pedophilic content. No incest (though all such pairings are ineligible anyway).
Beyond those no-brainers, there is no particular restriction on themes.
FORM LINK
The sign-up form is available at this link. Make sure to read the previous explanations!
For any additional questions, just send an ask and we will try to answer the best we can!
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