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the-blind-geisha · 2 years

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I remember I told myself drawing art even for a chapter of a story I wrote would be too much work. Bughs and I had this conversation years ago on Discord. She suggested I try to do art with my stories since I didn't want to just focus only on my stories over my art.

I told her that would be too much work. It would be exhausting... ignoring the fact that, when I was a child, I would always illustrate in the corners of my stories constantly. Hell, I would sometimes draw a picture and then write a snippet around it even if it was very out of nowhere in the grand scheme of things.

Now doing it for Demon King of the Desert, I find it really pushes me to at least draw more often then I would care to. ♥

I'm trying to love my art once more, even if the world has never cared for my art to begin with. And don't get me wrong. I've gotten over that 'why don't people love my stuff' pout faze of my life. I could care less, to be honest. ♥ If I drew something and worked hard on it, then that should be enough for me to enjoy it. I've loved watching me grow as an artist over these...geezus...30+ years? I always loved drawing when I was like 6 or so years of age, and it's never stopped. ♥

If anything, the internet kind of destroyed my love of art. I felt my numbers had to be good to prove to the world I was a good artist.

I hate that.

I miss just drawing for the fuck of it, and doing what makes me happy.

When I was in school, I'd do pencil shaded comics to try and keep myself awake when I was suffering from some illnesses we'll say. People who didn't know a damn thing about the characters I was drawing would always ask if I updated it. (They were so busy looking over my shoulder at what I was doing and giving me artist anxiety.. lol).

I go back and look at my old art and remember just having a fun time putting that down on paper, not caring to change my vision because people were anxious (X) would happen. I wasn't consumed with 'will people like it/ will it show the numbers?'

I was just focused on my happiness.

And, don't get me wrong, people have started to love my art recently, but I feel it's more because when people see the story behind the piece, they appreciate it more.

When it's not someone's OTP/ fave canon character solo, folks are less inclined to care.

There was always a trend I noted with my art and storytelling too--comics.

Whenever I would draw/write comics, people love it far more than when I just write about say my OC with a canon character. It happened before in another fandom where I wrote, not only my OC with a canon character but that canon character was very, very niche and not a lot of people knew or cared about him as he was only in the comics of this franchise--nowhere else to be found.

I had artists I admired the hell out of loving the comic when my art sucked compared to theirs. When I decided I couldn't continue because comic work was too much work? They were wishing I'd just spoil the ending since they wanted to know what would happen.

But that was my fault. Burnout.

I thought I had to produce a comic page a week, and before I knew it, that comic consumed my damn life. It became more stressful than enjoyable. If I had paced myself better, it might have been different.

Comics have really helped me understand my strengths and weaknesses.

My strengths are my storytelling, and my weakness is putting too much focus on things that don't need focus when it comes to my art.

I've been trying to tell myself 'hey, blur that thing out in the distance. Don't fully render it. It's pointless. It's not the focal point', because yes... I will fully detail a damn city in the background if I have the chance to--losing my sanity in the process. xD;

But, I want to try again. I see Bughs work on her own world and comic for the past--geezus--4 years? And, yes, she has told me in private she's getting exhausted, but she's doing her best to hold on and continue living her dream.

I think for me, I just need to try and focus on something that's not canon/OC based but OC x OC where I know my interest will remain.

My interests in characters not mine come and go like the wind.

Even Dancing with the Devil was meant to be far longer than I have mentally planned it out to be at current, but I just don't have the energy to turn that into what The Devil's Contract was.

Looking at one of my 'would be comics' page 1 and cover art... I want to take that concept and turn it into my own thing.

Comics make me draw things in different panel shapes and sizes. It forces me to draw things I wouldn't otherwise bother with.

It has helped me love my art and continue doing things I wouldn't otherwise do.

I owe the pencil shaded comics I did in my youth a LOT. They have really helped me grow. Same for doing art in a chapter or so of Demon King of the Desert. Doing this has helped me grow more as an artist, work on my backgrounds and certain action scenes.

I want to try again. I want to love my art more and not look at my canvas and dread doing anything with it.

So. Yeah. Thanks to those who do comment on the art in Demon King or like/reblog my art here. ♥ Trust me when I say, it's my own demons to get over. You shouldn't have to help me build that bridge, but I do appreciate the support all the same. ♥

#and i've decided to try and use my artist tablet for small background practices #weird to say a vivid dream encouraged that XD;#guess i have my own dream fairies to thank for that #but i've drawn small background images i'm impressed by #and i wanna do that again #artist woes #artwork #fanart #fandom woes #comics #art advice #more for me than anything but if you find this helpful? awesome #mod talks #long post

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