It's really frustrating being trans sometimes with cis loved ones because other cis people will go, "oh but it's such a huge adjustment for them! They're grieving for your pre-transition self/they aren't used to the change yet/it's hard on them!"
It's just so frustrating that people forget that trans people's feelings on this matter, too. Cis people aren't the only ones who have adjustments to make. Frankly, as much as I sympathize with cis people in this position, I can't help but be really jaded about it because so often, cis people jump to the defense of other cis people and they will seemingly forget to or refuse to give the same grace to trans people.
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It's so interesting and so exceedingly frustrating how agab is being utilized now within the queer community as a way to isolate and sort nonbinary and genderqueer folks into binary boxes that determine their moral purity levels, and their authority to do and write and exist.
The way nonbinary writers are being put under accusation of fetishizing gay men while their AGAB is continually brought up in a way that feels like queer-space-approved misgendering.
The way feminist circles that are supposedly trans-inclusive will use the word AFAB in a way that implicitly but intentionally isolates nonbinary people who aren't AFAB from joining. It's for women*.
The way the language is already flawed and leaves out intersex folks from the conversations while focusing on a binary of sex that isn't truthful.
The constant obsessing over whether someone is AFAB or AMAB and whether or not that gives them the privilege to join, do, write, or be present in certain spaces really really concerns me. How are we supposed to dismantle a binary system of gender if we can't even move past forcibly assigning and focusing on people's genders assigned at birth?
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just gotta say the speculation into dans gender is really sad and hurtful to see. it genuinely bothers me that people really saw everything this man (and trans people) had to go thru over the past decade and said
"lets try that again but even worse this time!"
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i have personally gone thru this kind of invasive speculation; being harassed into publicly answering questions i didn't even get a chance to ask myself.
every outfit. how my hair looked. the way i sit. how i carried myself. what my interests were. my sexuality. what position i prefer in bed. everything. everything was used to prove or dispute any speculation about me.
it was extremely traumatic, painful and scary
i wound up being forcibly outed and put into serious danger over stuff like this.
Please Stop
people can cross dress or be androgynous and still be cis/binary. and that is okay.
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No like seriously ARE we ready to talk about the misogyny in fandom spaces
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More thinking about the Jonder (Jon Gender). I imagine Jon discovering it/its pronouns and just being Drawn to them. Jon meets somebody who goes by it/its and can’t stop thinking about it (pun intented) but can never work up the courage to admit it even to themselves so they use they/them in their head or with close friends (read: Georgie) and he/him everywhere else. By the time Jon is ready to use it/its for itself it’s already at the Magnus Institute, a place where they feel a constant need to come off as Professionally As Possible and nobody ELSE is using Neopronouns (for the same reasons as Jon, although it doesn’t know that) and is it even safe to be out as any shade of queer at all so it continues with business as usual pronoun-wise. And then it discovers that it’s turning into an eldritch inhuman monster and its gender feelings get 5000% more complicated.
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tris maverique | trans maverique | cis maverique
tris intersex maverique | trans intersex maverique | cis intersex maverique
(Maverique can be replaced with other related words, like mav, mave, maver, etc.
Tris is short for transcis/cistrans.)
I made some other trans/cis/tris + intersex flags for man/woman/nonbinary, and decided to make maverique versions too :)
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Flag colors:
The upper 3 stripes of tris maverique are from tris, and the lower yellow and orange stripes are from maverique.
The yellow and orange stripes for the rest of the flags are also for maverique, and in the case of the intersex variants, the yellow from intersex is combined with the maverique yellow into one stripe.
The pink and blues stripes of trans maverique are from trans.
The grey stripes in cis maverique are de-saturated versions of maverique yellow and orange colors, and represent cis.
Tris intersex maverique follows the format of @neopronouns' tris intersex man/woman flags. The center purple circle is from intersex, and the blue, dark magenta, and dark purple are from tris, like in tris maverique flag.
Trans intersex maverique is like the trans maverique flag, except the center stripe is yellow instead (as that's the format that seems fitting/common for intersex flags), and a extra yellow-orange stripe to keep the 5 stripe format.
Cis intersex maverique is like the above. Just the center stripe changed to yellow, and an additional yellow-orange stripe.
There's also yellow outline, and no outline versions, of the intersex variant flags. They mean the same thing, I just thought both looked good, so they're just alt versions.
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(Do people even read the long flag explanations I type out? Maybe not, but I still feel it's important to explain.)
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anyway the concept of passing is a scam. we will never be liberated until the idea that a trans person's inherent value and worth and validity is directly proportional to their resemblance to a cis person. and i say this not just to those who struggle to or do not fit into that box, but to those who very much do and are counting themselves lucky.
the same way that its unhealthy and unreasonable to expect a same gender couple to conform to notions of what a heterosexual family should be, its unhealthy and unreasonable to have to expect a transgender experience of identity and a transgender body to conform to a cisgender ideal. not only does it further the marginalisation of trans people and drive a wedge in our community, but it's an unhealthy way to see the world and relate to yourself. its not fair to expect a human being to go their whole life in states of checking the value of their body and their life against a societally imposed, often unattainable model that may not even reflect their own desires or goals.
it's tough, i know how tough it is to go against everything you've been taught, and the right to seek medical intervention to reshape ourselves in a way that deepens and solidifies our connection to our bodies is and will always be important. but for your own mental health, whatever shape you take must reflect yourself first. not a cis persons. transition is about making a home out of the body you're living in, in whatever way works for you.
you deserve the mental freedom that comes with removing "passing" from your emotional radar entirely. trans bodies are good bodies.
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"Transmasculine people who claim to be adversely affected by sexism are bioessentialists cloaked in progressive language, discrimination on the basis of ""biological sex"" isn't real!"
Oh right, sorry. I forgot that sexism in medical research means that endometriosis, ME/CFS, migraines, post-concussive syndrome, Raynaud's phenomenon, and so many other conditions are only understudied in women. Of course endometriosis For Men™, ME/CFS For Men™, migraines For Men™, post-concussive syndrome For Men™, Raynaud's phenomenon For Men™, etc., are all well-funded fields of research and totally understood. Medical research cares only about the gender of an individual patient, not the association of a condition with people of a certain gender. Patriarchal devaluation of women's health, women's illnesses being treated as fundamentally hysteric, and (peri)cissexist reductions of any individual to the reproductive system(s) they were born with clearly only affect people whose gender is woman, nobody else.
Wilfully ignorant motherfuckers.
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man i just realized how much people going "(insert company) or (insert game) is so gay and progressive!!!" pisses me off
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hmmm . . . I don't feel v comfortable when people describe me as a woman/girl bc it feels like I'm pressured to uphold certain stereotypes of what a woman should be or act like. when I think of myself, I just think of me, and "woman/female/girl" isn't really at the top of my list . . . ig i'm just thinking Abt my gender identity and presentation a lot lately, lots of questioning and experimenting going on :P
i wouldn't mind if people misgendered me or call me a guy or whatever, and I wouldn't feel the need to correct them. I do understand that I have a female body and all that, I don't hate it or whatever, but ig hearing others refer to me as "that girl" makes me feel a bit irked or squeamish, like I'd rather be more ambiguous or non-conforming if that makes sense. Womanhood is wack, I don't despise traditionally feminine roles like cooking/being with kids either bc I love cooking and kids (but that's a whole other discussion, and I think a part of my gender dissonance is about societal perceptions of women and deviating from gender expectations, etc). And I don't wanna be dumb-ed down to stereotypes because of how I was born. ig I'm just trying to wrap my brain around what makes me comfortable and make me feel like myself, trying to detach myself from societal norms and whatnot.
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Over the years, I've gotten a lot of cis people messaging me about how they should go about dating or courting somebody who's trans, and I always felt like my responses would almost... disappoint them because there isn't this magic secret to dating us.
Cis people, if you want to date us, just date us. We're human beings, we're not wild animals to tame! I promise you can have a healthy relationship with a trans person without needing to feel like the world will end if you mess up.
Trans people who date cis people often want to feel secure in your acceptance of them. You don't have to talk about our transness for hours on end to prove that you accept your loved one. You don't have to put on a display and cabaret about how Much You Accept Us. Just be a person around us, and let us be people, too!
I almost want to disappoint cis people by reminding them of this. Some of the best relationships I've had with cis people have been ones where my transness is acknowledged, sure, but it's acknowledged in the same way that my left-handedness is. It's not a joke to them, it isn't something to be horrified about, but it's also something that they don't objectify me for.
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Worth pointing out that Mizu only said "I had to pretend to be a man…" after Mikio was amused/mocking. Sometimes people don't tell the whole truth to avoid social ridicule, it's been known to happen.
I think it's worth pointing that out in tandem with the fact that Mizu was in a romantic relationship with a man who wanted a heterosexual marriage, and we've all been in a relationship before where we tried to shrink ourselves or change ourselves for a partner (and also, Mizu is financially dependent on this partner- which is another incentive to dilute any expression of gender nonconformity that could be off-putting.)
Notably, Mizu never says he disliked being a boy. He just points out its necessity at the time. He never says anything in the series that rejects manhood outright. If Mizu felt dysphoria in the opposite direction- wanting to be a girl but being forced to be a boy- One, that would STILL be a trans experience, and Two, I don't think it would simply go unmentioned throughout this whole arc.
It's made very clear in this arc that enough time has passed that Mizu can safely live as a woman now. The only remaining impetus is misogyny, but we also see how other women are coping with a life under patriarchy without resorting to crossdressing. The prostitutes and Ameki are all really well written and have a lot of agency as characters, even though outside forces are imposed upon them.
So the end result from my lens of viewership,
Is that Mizu's marriage arc very much comes across as following a very common pattern I see in transmasc narratives told to me by friends over the years:
Tomboy childhood, able to pass as a boy easily
Teen years or young adulthood period wherein one tries really, really hard to conform to femininity- and even attempts to perform hyper feminity to please parents or partners- but it doesn't work out
Eventual reintegration into a more comfortable masculine role, if social factors in one's life safely allow it.
People need to accept that there is no clear dividing line between "passing as X gender for safety" and "identifying as X gender." These things easily coexist. And I think what has so many cis women upset is the fact that they see themselves in this narrative too- and they're like... mad that trans masculine people also see themselves in the narrative and are choosing to claim it. But should we be surprised? Trans men are affected by misogyny. We share a lot of experiences with cis women. What's aggravating to me is the fact that although we share those experiences, we are seemingly not allowed to talk about them- or else we are taking away speaking time for women.
But if we don't get to be heard when the women get to speak, and we don't get to be heard when it is men's time to speak- then when do we speak?
The answer is that we simply don't.
And that's the root of transmasc erasure.
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Anyways, last time we see that word around these parts.
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Damn I always feel so nervous when I publish my writing. Won't sleep tonight for sure
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As I get older and older I more tangibly realize why queer individuals in older generations than mine might prefer words I wouldn't use for myself, and likewise why younger generations preferences would be different too. Like it was always clear you know, a person knows their identity best and what labels they prefer best and even if you don't get it you should respect it. But I guess the older I get the more I realize I really don't know and never can know the background another person has for their perceptions and meaning for labels and why something in particular helps them to use or not
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Needing to use the bathroom at school is like: Do I want to get clocked as a trans guy while in the girl's bathroom, clocked as a trans guy while in the boy's bathroom, or answer weird questions from teachers on my way to the school's singular gender neutral bathroom?
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