#but that's why i just don't read or consume content that displays them in ways i don't agree with
Forgotten sorrows
Chapter 4
Fae!Soap X Female Reader
Rún tries to keep her emotions in check while dealing with her traumatic memories and a turbulent reunion with Price.
Warnings: MDNI, dark themes, mention of trauma, suicide attempt, mental health talk unstable emotions, guilt and angst, sorry if I missed any.
Sorry I've been gone for so long it's been over a month i know. I just had a lot on my plate but I'm hopefully getting back to a more consistent writing routine. This chapter isn't all that great but it goes into detail on how Rúns mind works. Im not even sure Rún and Soap will be a thing by the end of this story but we'll find out together lol. Next chapter will probably be a mix between Rúns Pov and Soap's Pov. I just wanted to let anyone know that I'll be blocking blogs that follow me that don't have ages or +18 in their bio. I rather minors not read my content. I hope you all enjoy the chapter. This Fae au belongs to @ghouljams I feature their Oc in my writing, send them some love. This story wouldn't exist without them.
Forgotten Sorrows Masterlist
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Words: 5.1k
After entering the home, you occupy yourself by looking around trying to see what had changed since you last came rather than talk about why you were crying. Your friend walked into her kitchen after getting you settled in her living room probably giving you time to sort through your thoughts. You felt the magic of her wards buzz around you welcoming you back after what felt like years but it had only been a couple of weeks since your last visit. Your eyes stung from crying and you felt a little restless so you get up and walk towards her massive bookshelves and cabinets. Little sniffles still left you as you inspect different vials and jars of herbs displayed on her old mahogany shelves. You definitely felt a lot safer than you did before which helped greatly in calming down your nerves. You decide to prop your little wrapped gift beside her other herbs and spices hoping she'll like it. Your best friend comes in with two mismatched tea cups on a tray with your muffins on it.
Sitting down she pats the space beside her on her sofa. She watches you walk over gingerly and sit down beside her. After handing you your cup she encourages you to take small sips of her herbal tea, gently probing trying to figure out how your seal broke while rubbing your back soothingly. She hasn't seen you like this since before your memories were sealed. You were never this unstable with your magic. Maybe it was a bad idea to begin with but it was the only thing at the time she thought would help you. You were in such a desperate state to forget everything, she was afraid you'd do something far worse. She eventually got you to speak. What followed was more tears and a whole lot of word vomit which she deciphered fairly quickly with some well placed questions. She'd gotten the gist of the series of events that brought you here in such a state. It was your sister again, she had a tendency to get herself in horrible situations only to dump all the responsibilities of said situations on you when things didn't work out. She wasn’t a fan of your sister and voiced her displeasure often. Though this time was far worse, your sister had become entangled with a fae. A fae clearly out to consume her. You were too kind for your own good and highly protective of the one person who said they wanted you as their family. You two would get into small arguments about the way your sister treated you so you both came to an agreement not to talk about it unless it was absolutely necessary to persevere your friendship. She was confused about how your seal broke though. Granted that you were only in your early teens when you managed to put the seal in place. But it had withheld all these years regardless of the amount of times you were perused by the fae or saw something parculiar. Especially that time when a fae tried draining your life force at your previous job. Witch was on a foraging expedition to gather rare plants in season when you ended up in the ICU. She had rushed back as soon as she was informed by your work. You were extremely lucky that fae from work didn’t come visit you in the hospital. You might of died if they came in contact with you in such a vulnerable state. You had chalked it up to overwork since the seal was in place which isn’t necessarily wrong. They did often overwork you with little regard for your wellbeing. Maybe your seal had reached it’s limit and was on the brink of collapse anyway.
Having gotten a fairly comprehensive understanding of the situation she starts gathering ingredients and materials to create protection amulets and charms while she listens to get your anger out on this 'infuriating' Fae as you so put it who was so adamant on ruining your sister. She clearly wasn't a fan of your sister and would much rather she left your life (not that she wished death upon her because she didn't....most of the time) but she knew it would devastate you losing more people in your life and she didn't want that. So out of the love she had for you she went about trying to help you the best she could. She listened to you go into great detail about why you hated this Fae. Why you wanted to "smack his stupid smirk of his handsome face" or that you wanted to "push his stupidily muscular body into the lake" or even better yet "gouging out his pretty ocean eyes". She couldn’t help but laugh to herself at the strange situation. You would inadvertently compliment him while thinking about all the ways you'd want to hurt him. She could clearly tell you were physically attracted to him but decided not to comment on it as she went outside to collect some things for the charms while you mulled over how you could further insult him.
She heard you pace around in the living room as you threw further insults at this mysterious Fae while enjoying a muffin. The witch felt a presence approach as she gathered the last of the ingredients she needed. Looking up she sees an ever so handsome Fae (though she'd never admit it to his face, not yet anyways) leaning against the wall and her threshold. She felt the smoke of his cigar engulf her in a warm embrace but she waved her hands dispensing the smoke cloud nonchalantly trying to appear unfazed by his appearance.
"Hello sweetheart", his deep gravelly voice sends shivers down her spine as she puts away her herbs into her basket standing up straighter.
"Price", she greets a little too eagerly, trying to keep the butterflies in her stomach at bay. They stay like this for what feels like hours just consuming each other through their eyes. Price eyes her up and down especially when she bends over to grab some herbs making idle chatter. Sometimes it feels like she dips her shoulders on purpose giving him an eyeful of full luscious breasts. Not that he's complaining but he'll have to teach her a lesson if she's doing that in public. She hears you walk outside through the backdoor still mumbling insults at that Fae you “absolutely” didn't have some sort of crush on.
"You know what's worse is his stupid name, What the hell kind of name is Soap anyway!?", She watches you look up from the muffin in your hand and freeze when you realise there's another 'visitor' in the garden. You lock eyes with Price with an odd look on your face as if you recognise him. It doesn't last long as you both hear Price speak. He just smirks leaning further against the wall pushing against the threshold a little more.
"Seems like a name for a true muppet if you ask me", he lets out a deep chuckle. Not knowing what to say you simply nod and mumble you'll be waiting inside. You glance back at him one more time with your magic swirling around you confused.
"She's all grown up", Price says to himself, moving away from the wall a little bit. "I'll come see you at a better time luv, seems like you have your hands full". The witch glances after Rún confused and goes to ask Price some questions only to realise he's left not before leaving a small bundle of rosy periwinkle on the wall with a small note attached. 'For the tea and biscuits last time'. She smiles at the note and puts the flowers into her basket to take inside still confused at your reaction to Price. She didnt realise you knew him.
You were sitting on the sofa finishing your tea when you saw her walk inside. You both exchanged a knowing look. You could see her flushed expression from a mile away. And She herself had questions she wanted to ask you. You spoke first excitedly.
"Well?", You narrow your eyes at her. "When were you going to inform me about this drastic change in your love life?
"What drastic change? He's juusst aaa …….friend?", She avoids looking at you while she begins preparing ingredients for the wards.
"Are you asking me or telling me? Because I don't believe you for a second!, you were making heart eyes at him", you scoff clutching your heart thankful for the change of topic. "Oh the betrayal!! The betrayal!! You kept this from me? Me? Your best friend? How could you?", You fake sob into your arm.
"You're so dramatic", she says, rolling her eyes focusing on preparing the things she needed. "I was not making heart eyes at him"
"Yes you were, I have eyes, I can see. Never took you for a liar", you pout. "And here I thought we'd live out our lives out together being platonic virgins", you hear your friend chuckle at that.
"Nevermind our stupid promise, that offer was only valid if we both reached 30 and hadn't lost our virginities or found someone we wanted to be with."
"So you admit it! You want to fuck him!",You watch her choke on her spit trying to deny it. "We only had a couple years left you know, we could have been platonic soulmates. But nooo you had to go find a very powerful Fae to take my place. I don't even have enough power to fight him to claim you. It's the beard isn't it? It is isn't it?”, you sigh playfully hand on your head as you lounge on her sofa like a french girl.
"Are you done?", she laughs grabbing a few things off her shelves. When she finally notices a small wrapped box on her shelf she lifts it to show you. She looks at you knowingly.
You avoid her eyes and just look outside refusing to comment on the present sitting in her hand. “How do you know Price?”, she asks changing the subjest. “You seemed to recognise him”.
“Price? Is that his name? Fits him well”, you think outloud. “Never took you as someone who was interesting in the elderly though”, you laugh jokingly trying to hide the pain of revisiting suppressed memories. You try piecing together the few instances you recall of him in your distorted mind. “I met him before i was brought to the orphanage, he looked the same as he did back then”. “You know the story of when i first met my father after my mother had died, he was there at the High courts when they decide what to do with me. He was the only one who spoke up and gave me the means to decide my own future.” You don’t explain further delving deeper into your own thoughts. Your friend notices and snaps you out of it not wanting you to enter a rabbit hole you won’t be able to get out of. She hands you the wards and protection charms to put into your sisters home.
“You dont need to think about that right now”, she holds your hands in hers. “The next few days are going to be extremely tough on your mind, your memories are going to come back in bursts and with your magic also manifesting you might spiral into hysteria. I want you to come stay with me for a little while so I can keep an eye on you and help you through it.”
You open your mouth to protest but she’s not having any of it. She insist you stay with her until your more stable and able to control your magic better. You sigh defeated and let her know you’ll pack your necessities and come back tomorrow after placing the wards in your sisters apartment. She hugs you as you leave and you feel the warmth and safety evaporate the second you step out through the gate. The feeling of dread re-enters your body and you glance around hastily before getting into your car and driving home. Maybe because you’ve become somewhat paranoid it almost felt if a shadow was following you or was in your near vicinity.
After placing the wards and charms in your sisters apartment when checking in on her as she worked from home you make your way back to your bestfriends house with your bag of necessities and clothing. Your sister seemed alot better and it didnt seem like Soap would bother her anytime soon considering she was complaining he wouldn’t respond to her texts from yesterday.
The next couple of days were very difficult. For both you and Witch. Guilt was eating away at you for being such a burden on her regardless of her constant reassurance that you were anything but. You tried your best to keep in touch with your sister as often as you could but with the building migraines and fits of passing out left you little time to worry about anything else. You also tried your best to be useful when you weren’t in pain but your attempts were shut down and you were told to rest. But after some light arguing she relented and allowed you to help with small tasks to keep your mind off things. Alot had happened in a few days and many disturbing memories resurfaced preventing you from leaving the bed. You spent majority of your day crying and trying to regain some sanity. Your daily meditation sessions helped with your racing mind and unstable magic. The witch would guide you through controlling your magic during the meditations even though your magic and hers were completely different.
Thing were slowly looking up but you felt very unsure of yourself and the identity you created when the seal was in place. The mundane life you had was your safe havan, which now felt inaccessible. You didnt know what to think anymore you didnt feel like the person you felt before, it was like you were back in the mindset of your childhood days. Times which you so desperately wanted to forget.
Memories would resurface of you trying to play with the other children at the orphanage. But because of the tricks the fae would play on anyone who got close to you they would get hurt, you were deemed unlucky or cursed. Some of the tricks were harmless enough like things going missing of being misplaced which would often be blamed you. But the pranks escalated as time went on, ending up with people being hit with potted plants that were on window sills or tripping and falling into nettles. One of worst memories that resurfaced so far was when you were waiting on the curb with another orphan girl you had befriended, you two were waiting to cross the street on your way home from school. You watched as other parents and guardians had come to pick up their children. You remember yearning for someone to hold your hand too while asking how your day was. From the coner of your eye you saw a large shadowy dog? Or was it a cat? Approach your friend as you two stood waiting for the lights to turn green. You had tried desperately to shoo it away before it came closer but the girl just saw it as you being mean to the animal and stopped you. You saw it push your friend onto the road when a car was approaching. Logically it would have been impossible for the animal to have pushed her onto the road so when it had happened and the car came to a screeching halt an inch away from the girl. Every adult on the street and cars understandably were screaming at you after making sure the girl was ok. Who was now crying recoving from the shock of almost dying. The orphanage cartakers were called by the teachers at the school gate and you were kept away from the other kids for a really long time as punishment. And for their safety for your so called ‘unpredictable behavior’ even though it wasn’t you who had done it.
The isolation that followed was one of the worst you ever felt. But blaming it on an animal you called a fairy would have deemed you insane or in need of mental counselling so you kept your mouth shut and took the blame. You could never forget the look your friend had given you after the ordeal. You spent months grounded with having to take up more chores to atone for your actions. Rumours spred like wildfire in school, parents and teachers alike warned kids to stay away from you. But after things settled down the guilt of the situation made you go apologise to the girl even though you never pushed her. You kept to yourself after that much to the releif of the other kids. The only place you felt safe was at the house of your current best friend. Her and her family would come donate things to the orphanage and spend time with the children. You laugh to yourself remembering the first time you had met her. She had introduced herself as ‘witch’ and nothing more as you sat on the grass making flower crowns at the edge of the garden. You had told her to stay away and that bad things would happen to her if she came close to you. Which she proceeded to ignore saying she isnt afraid of the fae. You remember looking at her with shock and admiration. For the longest time you were ridiculed for blaming the bad things that happed on ‘fairies’ as everyone else put it. You were now banned from talking about said ‘faries’. You asked if she could see them and she said no but she could sense them and her family said they were real so it had to be true ‘because grandma doesn’t lie’ . You asked why she wasn’t afraid and she said her family and her home is protected. And that you should come visit her grandmothers cottage since its only down the street. You watched her leave with her grandmother through the gate. They placed a charm on the gate before they left and you waved them goodbye.
You honestly owe your life to your her considering all she had done for you. You wouldn’t have made it so far in life without her. Hence the reason why you sat in her sofa ridden with guilt for causing disturbance to her life. Though she adamantly denies it. You watch her mull around her work space opening and closing drawers and jars making a list of things to stock up on.
“At least let me help”, you plead
“Absolutely not, you just had a mental breakdown”, she points her pencil at you before going back to what she was doing. “Sit pretty and enjoy your tea before it gets cold”
“Please i feel like a freeloader, a leach, a parasite”, you pout at her hoping to change her mind
“You are anything but, you may not realise or value the things you do for others but I do so just sit and enjoy your tea and let me take care of you”, she smiles at you finishing up her list.
“Can i make dinner at least?”
“No we’ll order takeout once i come home from shopping, i would take you with me but your magic is unstable right now so its best if you rest while i run some errands”, she walks over to you and places her hand against your cheek lovingly. “You are and never will be a burden on me, ok?”
You look into her eyes and nod as you get up to follow her to the door as she gathers her essentials. Before she leaves you call out to her one last time.
“Give me something small to keep myself occupied while your gone then....please”, you plead
She catches the desperation in your eyes, this whole ordeal was taking its tole on you she could see in your sunken eyes and the dark circles you now have due to the lack of sleep and constant nighmares. She thinks for a bit before she speaks.
“The flowers around the house are getting old, why not make some new flower arrangements to put in the vases?”
You smile at her suggestion and nod as you wave her goodbye and lock the front door.
You go about gathering all wilted flowers around the house and taking the vases to wash in the sink. Once everything was cleaned and dried you pick a basket and sheers to go into the garden to gather new flowers to arrange into bouquets. It felt a little odd being in the cottage all by yourself but the warmth and safety never left. You look open the back door taking in the good weather.
The fresh air felt nice on your skin. Paired with the bright sun shining on you, a calming sensation engulfed your senses. You let a shaky breath out trying to dispel all your worries even if it was only momentarily. You take a look around the garden contemplating on what flowers to choose. The red rose bush near the back gate stood out to you. They were in full bloom and had a lovely smell emanating from them. Making your way towards the bush you were careful not to touch the thorns as you cut the roses and put them into the basket.
The felt a familiar presence approach without having to look you knew who it was. The wards hummed in recognition as he leaned againt the wall, pushing at the threshold. You didn’t feel any form of hostility or danger from him surprisingly.
“She’s not here, but im sure you knew that already”, you say straighting your back and making eye contact with Price.
“Oh? And how would i have known that? “, he chuckles
“Your claim is on her, i only realised when i had seen you that day. There was a scent on her and her things that i overlooked”, you pout slightly still upset at losing your platonic soulmate, yeah definitely platonic....
You shake your head trying to dispel your thoughts.
“You upset i stole her from you?”, he smiles mischievously.
“I wouldn’t call it stealing per say. She’s still in my life and i dont plan on that changing. Her hapiness and wellbeing is my top priority, if you so happen to bring her hapiness who am i to object. Im happy as long as she’s happy”
“ ‘s that so?”
“Im asuming your here for some other reason than to annoy me?” you finish gather the roses as you move towards the peonys at the far end of the the right wall. Price casually walks as you do continuing the conversation.
“Heard one my boys was causing you some trouble. That muppet Soap has a ferocious appetite. I’ll warn you he hasn’t had a good meal in a while. Might be best to let your sister go and mourn already. I need my boys well fed to run my errands”, he says sympathetically.
Your pain takes a spike as you hear him mention Soap and your sister. You chest felt heavy when you look into Price’s eyes. He might of meant it sympathetically but in your mind it came across as condescending almost as a warning to back off. You felt hurt at his words considering he had helped you when you were little.
You scoff fighting the tears in your eyes and busy yourself gathering the peony.
“You fae are all the same, selfish and unempathetic”, you didnt want to enage in the conversation further conviced he’d say somthing to further upset you so you turn to leave. The pain was spreading from your chest as if you were being injected by liquid fire. It was coursing through your veins and burning every nerve ending. You felt your magic whiplash around you trying to keep danger away even if it was only emotionally.
“Don’t forget you have the same blood flowing through you. You are one of us. He may be doing you a favour by removing your sister from your life”
You snap your head toward him, anger bubbling up from deep within. You feel the pressure push at the walls of your mind. “When have i ever been seen as one of your kind!? This blood has brought me nothing but torment!!”, you laugh with no mirth in your voice. “Doing me a favour!? Doing me a favour? By what? Taking away my only family? By taking away the only person who needs me? My sister is the reason I am alive right now, I continue living for her sake. If she’s gone I have no purpose”, you give him your worst glare. You eyes begin to hurt and you feel a migrain coming on but you refuse to blink. You want to drive home the point you aren’t afraid of him or any fae especially when it came down to family. The magic within you becomes scorching hot, expanding and creating pressure that you felt in your eyes. The longer you stared the more the pain grew. It was as if you were pulling an elastic band to its limits waiting for it to snap or for you to let go. Either way you knew the sting was coming.
Price didnt say anything and returned your stare unnerved. He could see the pain not only in your heart but in your mind. He could feel the pain through the magic in the air, your magic had taken on a murky colour a mixture of red and green. You were actively fighting the seal on your eyes trying to prove a point but you were just hurting yourself. Your eyes were growing teary and he knew you were about to break. What he didnt expext was for your magic to combust around you when it happened. Like a match being thrown into a pool of gasoline the flames engulfed you.
You collapsed onto the grass desperately trying to contain your magic and tears. You felt like a failure, a burden trying to grasp at straws to keep people in your life. Now look at what you’ve done! How were you to explain how the garden burnt down. You sob into your hands trying to calm down. You wished the flames would just consume you. You were tired, so tired. If there was no hope in saving your sister why bother living. You thought of your will as you felt the flames touch your skin and burn you. At least you could repay them back in some sense for having had to waste their time on you all these years. Just as quickly as you embrace the flames you felt them extinguish. A cold sensation ran all over you soothing your superficial burns before you realised you were wet. You open your eyes and see Price inside the threshold but quite a distance away as if he couldn’t get to you in time.. You look at him confused. An empty watering can lay next to you. It must have been the protection wards that had put you out. You knew your friend would have felt that and was probably on her way home.
You look around disoriented, nothing had been burnt expect you. You decided to just stay quiet. You didn’t know how you could possibly go about explaining what had just happened to your friend when she got back without incriminating yourself and your attempt to end everything. You watch Price crouch down to your level bringing his hand towards you. You flinch and move back.
“Im just trying to see how badly your injured, i won’t hurt you”, he sighs a sad look crossing his eyes.
“Maybe not phyically but you have a way with words”, you bite back.
“We’re often blind to volatile people in our lives. Im sure i’m not the first or only person to warn you about her”, you stay quiet because you yourself know what your sister is like an how she treats you but for some reason you feel bound to help and take care of her to the point of exhaustion. You feel indepted to her for showing you kindness when no one else would especially after you sealed your memories away. Spending time in a house where no one acknowledged you was heart wrenching, she was your salvation when you couldn't find purpose in life. You couldn’t abandon her now. You were bound by duty of repayment.
You sniffle as you roughly wipe your face wincing when you came in contact with the burn. You had few people in your life who cared about you. You desperately needed to be of use to them. It was the only way in your mind they tolerated your presence. Why else would anyone need you or want you? You wouldn’t have been abandoned or mistreated if you were useful. The current situation had you feeling on thin ice as if you’d become a nuisance to the very person you love. Regardless of the amount of times she has reassured you, your mind refuses to believe it.
‘She’s just being nice’ ‘She just a kind hearted person to everyone your not special to her’ ‘You need to get better and leave before she she gets tired of you’, you mind would constantly berate you for wanting your needed anything from others. You needed to be 100% independent in order not to inconvenience anyone. And right now you were anything but. You were glad you didn’t burn down her garden though, one less thing to add to the growing list of situations to feel guilty for. The pain in your chest didn’t dissipate it only got worse as you sat there on the grass, as Price looked around for something to dry you with. In your desperation to lesson the pain you claw at your chest feeling around to rip out the source of your troubles. But how was one supposed to rip out emotions? You kept feeling around trying to find somthing tangible to pull out but you couldn’t. You were just left with a guilty conscience and a river of awful memories. Price tried to approach you a couple more times but you refused to let him near.
You didn’t know how much time had passed but the summer sun had dried you by the time you heard the front door open hastily and you watch your friend try to locate you. Your skin was still stinging from the burns as Price stood by leaning against the wall with his arms crossed with an unreadable expression on his face. She came into the back garden with a frantic look on her face. You watch her run to you and collapse onto the grass holding you to her chest. You wince from the burns and she pulls back holding your face in her hands, inspecting to see the extent of the damage. All you could do was apologise as tears streamed down your face. Begging for forgiveness saying you didn’t mean for it to happen. She just held you as you let everthing out.
Copyright © by ethereal-night-fairy. 2023. All Rights Reserved. Writing not permitted for reposting, transcription, translation or use with AI technologies.
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soft yandere!incel!izuku midoriya + darling who's a famous pro hero
TITLE: " SHE WANT ME FR " — navi.
NOTES: literally ascended into the air mid sleep cycle to write this and it's kinda different than what i usually write so forgive me i'm feeling a little silly goofy rn ,, nsfw below the cut!! idk why this keeps not showing up in tags :( so frustrating, i reposted like three times already man
edit: works now lol
PAIRING: soft yandere!incel!izuku midoriya x pro hero!reader
GENRE/AU: izuku is quirkless and works a boring office job, rookie pro hero!reader, izuku is a pervert + woman hater + literally delusional smh
CHARACTERS: izuku midoriya (20), reader (19)
imagine incel!izuku who's obsessed with you, a promising new pro hero just barely debuting into the infancy of her career.
incel!izuku who, at first, isn't interested. you're another female pro hero, so what? he's rather partial to it; you're only really getting attention because you're a female. once everyone sees past the pretty face and nice thighs, you'll be irrelevant.
incel!izuku who falls in love after seeing one leaked picture of you pre-pro hero era, where you're makeup-less with messy hair and in pajamas. having been uploaded to one of the deep web forums he frequents, he expected an overwhelming amount of hate but, instead, everyone thinks you're even more attractive. izuku stares at the picture long and hard—actually, maybe he's beginning to see what they mean. he bookmarks it and revisits it often.
a few days later, it's his new lock screen.
incel!izuku who keeps a journal full of all the information he's gathered on you so far; from height and weight to your favorite food and color. he watches all your interviews and jots down the timestamps in which you do something cute—not that he doesn't just rewatch the whole thing later, anyway. he'll vehemently deny being a fan of yours because oh, you're not that cool, but at least you're cute! he can't possibly let people know how far into the rabbit hole he is, not a chance.
incel!izuku who begins scouring the internet, looking for erotica content about you to consume. sometimes he'll even write his own, pouring out his fetishized fantasies onto the notes app of his phone. how he'll tie you up and have his way with you—whether you want it or not—because a woman should always take responsibility for being so carelessly screwable!
he totally jacks off in a bathroom stall during break at work because he gets so turned on while scrolling through your pictures when he's supposed to be filing papers. he'll sigh in relief when he finishes all over his phone screen, which displays a picture of your face, before cleaning up his mess.
truthfully, izuku knows his growing obsession with you is unhealthy. but, but, he was the same with all might when he was a kid—there's no harm in looking up to a pro hero, is there? besides, you're a woman, so it's only natural your slutty, skin-tight pro hero outfits would give him such raging hard-ons when he doesn't want them to! aren't you ashamed of yourself, walking around in such tasteless outfits? if you were his wife, he'd never let you leave the house. ever.
incel!izuku who's such an avid fan that he collects everything that's you-themed. he buys all your limited edition merch: shirts, posters, trading cards, cups, body pillows. you don't even want to know how many he's had to replace from cutting holes in them and pretending they're you when he's horny. a huge portion of his salary now goes to catering his embarrassing addiction to you. you should be grateful for having such a loyal, loving fan, no?
as if reading his thoughts, your management team announces that you'll be having a fan meet-up. izuku is so ecstatic that he's among the first people to pre-order tickets the second they're released. he dreams about shaking your hand or even giving you a hug, and how your soft your body will feel against his. he can't wait to touch you and just be near you; he's not sure he'll be able to control himself.
when the meet-up day rolls around, izuku queues up in the line and waits his turn to meet you. he's almost trembling by the time he reaches the table where you're sitting, smiling so adorably at the little kid that's rambling to you excitedly. the sight is precious—he wants that to be his kid one day.
a few minutes later, it's his turn. izuku walks up to the table, stiff as a board, and crouches down so he's eye-level with you. he's blushing intensely and your eye contact with him is making him feel so hot. you smile at him, and he begins to feel a touch light-headed.
"hi! thanks for coming," you reach out for a handshake. "so sorry the line's so long, we didn't expect so many people to come out!"
izuku can hardly speak. unsure of what to say, he simply nods and shakily reaches out to grab your hand, the anticipation almost sending him over the edge. and when your hands do finally intertwine, he immediately and unexpectedly gets a boner. a euphoric feeling runs through his body like lightning, striking his heart as if an arrow. seeing you in person is so much better than the pictures.
as you go to pull away, you can't. his grip is so tight that you literally have to wrench your hand away. he's staring at you with such a concentrated focus that you're not sure he's blinked even once since he came up to you. you're a bit weirded out now, so you try to end the meeting quickly.
"ah, well, uhm, what's your name?" you ask hesitantly, popping the cap off your marker so you can sign a poster for him.
did you just ask for his name? his name?
"i-it's i-i-izuku midoriya!" it comes out of his mouth in a shrill tone and it sounds like nails on a chalkboard to you.
"i-zu-ku... mi-do-ri-ya..." you repeat his name slowly as you sign both his name and your signature at the bottom of the poster.
each person gets five minutes with you. izuku doesn't say much. it's completely awkward for you when your questions go unanswered and you're instead being stared through with those jade green eyes of his. when five minutes is up, you wave goodbye and blow a complimentary kiss, as it's apart of your trademark. you literally couldn't wait for it to be over.
izuku doesn't take his eyes off of you until he's escorted out of the room by the staff. his heart is beating out of his chest right now; did that even really happen? did he actually touch you? it sinks in slowly but surely. he did! he touched you! your hand was so soft and fit so perfectly in his. like it was meant to be. and the way you looked at him? he resists the urge to palm himself through his jeans.
you're such a sweetheart, too. not like other low IQ women who just ignore him when he's trying to be nice to them; come on, you even asked for his name! you really are different from the rest. not to mention how good you smelled, it's a sure sign you know how to take care of yourself. he'll have to find out what perfume you use so he can spray it on his body pillows.
he just can't wait to go home and brag about it all on his online forums and the fan sites he's recently joined!
but first, the tightness in his pants is increasing to crazy levels of uncomfortable. he excuses himself to the bathroom to take care of it, still giddy from the fact he had just been face-to-face with you mere moments ago. as he unzips his pants and begins almost violently rubbing one out, he stares intently at the poster you had given him with bated breath and a gaze ripe with lust.
that's right, incel!izuku uses the hand you shook to jack off, just to cum all over the poster that you gave him. he's literally drooling as his fist is rocketing along his sensitive length, milking himself for all he's worth. shuddering in pleasure from his orgasm, he smiles dazedly at the poster of your face now slick and sticky with his semen.
what a bad girl, making him go to such lengths! making him so horny and needy with your alluring eyes and adorable smile! how dare you steal his heart and walk around looking the way you do, knowing he can't have you the way he wants. what a whore. you should be the one getting him off and making him feel good!
it's all your fault, darling. don't blame him when he breaks into your house while you're sleeping next.
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Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Thanks....
NnnggaAAAA
I hope you understand how exceptionally difficult this question is. But alas, I will try my best.
Ten characters are a lot and I have no way of rating them, so I'm going to talk about my favorite 9 characters, then my favorite of all time.
10. Magnus Bane, from the Shadowhunters series and TV show. I love this man. SO MUCH. He is an immortal warlock with a soft spot for black hair and blue eyes. Those books were some of the first YA I ever read, and Magnus and Alec, his husband, we're the first queer relationship I became obsessed with.
9. Percy Jackson, my king. This man. God how I love this man. Percy was my first favorite character in any media. When I first read PJO, I aped through those books in a week, then the next series, then the next. Today, I've read all those books and own each physical copy. When the TV show comes out, I do NOT apologize for the person I will become.
8. Bryan Stark, from the DRAMA series by Paul Ruditiz. I have never seen someone online talk about these books, and it's a damn shame. Read the first two when I was in 6th grade, and since then I've reread the series more times than I can count. Bryan is just such an entertaining character. The author managed to make him gay without making that all his character is. Such an underrated book.
7. Kaz Brekker. Sigh. Anyone who knows me knows that I have a thing for traumatized men, and this boy fits the bill. He's just. I don't have the words. He is so smart, which automatically makes a person a great character for me, but he's also so mean, which makes me love him more. He cares so much about his love, but has no clue how to display that. Which is my type. I have issues. And of course Six of Crows is one of my all time favorite books.
6. Draco Malfoy. Okay, I know there's some major controversy with anything dealing with Harry Potter stuff, which I get, but that will not stop me from enjoying content about the characters. Now, it's not so much canon Draco that I enjoy as much as it is FANON Draco. His character got smugged horribly in the original material, and I love seeing people's interpretations of him as a character outside of what he was written as. I ship him with Harry, and the amount of fanfiction that I have consumed is ridiculous at this point.
5. Klaus Mikaelson, from the Originals. I watched Vampire Diaries, liked it, but my favorite character from that show was Klaus. There's just something about a man who's willing to rip out the hearts of hundreds of people for his family, for his child, that just hits right in my brain. Love this man with all my heart.
4. Andrew FUCKING Minyard, ladies and gentlemen. Everyone knows he was going to be up here somewhere. Many are likely shocked he's not at number one. A year ago, he would've been. When I read All for the Game, I really was not expecting so much to come out of it. I formed my entire Tumblr personality around it, read millions of words of fanfiction, and wrote MY first fanfiction for the series. I've daydreamed hours and hours of content that will never actually see the light of day, used it in school assignments. And the entire time, I loved one Andrew Minyard. Again, big thing for the traumatized boys, and my God does this poor thing take the cake. He's one of the most interesting, compelling, and agonizing characters I've seen in any fictional media.
3. Laurent De Vere, from the Captive Prince trilogy. Oooof, finally in the top three's. Debating between him and Andrew for this spot was so hard, but ultimately, I feel like the author fleshed Laurent's character out more. This man is so goddamn smart. And I would jump in front of a train for pretty petty bitchy smart sad characters. This series had the misfortune of being read a month before aftg, so it was sadly swept up in the storm that came after it. But now, looking back and remembering the experience of reading those books for the first time, I just keep thinking about how often I had to put my book down, or risk throwing it across the room, that's how insane those books are. I love this sad boy and all his trauma.
2. Bruce Wayne, or Batman. GOD this is hard. But I've been a Batman lover since I was a little girl. This man has some major issues, and a dependency on a fur suit and children decorated in circus colors. He has a weird queer-coded relationship with a killer clown. His character shifts so much that between one comic issue and the next I can go from wanting to strangle him to wanting to hug him tight and never let go. I don't think I could fix him, and I don't think there's much making him worse, but maybe I could get him into therapy???
1. Jason. Todd. The Red Hood. My baby, my child, the love of my life. Sigh. First place was never a question for me; even growing up with Batman, Jason was a more recent discovery and one I'm thankful for every day. This boy was sold to a mass murderer clown by his mother, beaten near death with a crowbar, and blown to bits. He was brought back, only to find out that his adopted dad not only didn't avenge him but changed absolutely nothing, putting another kid in the exact same spot he was in. Oh yeah, and being brought back required a trip into a nasty green pit that screwed up his head. And now, video games are making him look 40, comic writers KEEP killing him, no one can decide what his whole thing is supposed to be, and they gave him a FUCKING CROWBAR TO PATROL GOTHAM WITH. WHAT THE FUCK. So yeah, Jason needs some love.
And that's ten of my favorite characters in no particular order. As I'm finishing this, I'm thinking of like 20 other characters who could've gone on this list, but I'm happy with this for now.
Thank for the ask!
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I'm experiencing the same thing as you about loving Levi.
It's too complicated to explain but no matter how much I love him, sometimes my insecurity about my love for him comes and goes. how to say…. sometimes i see content about him that i don't like. For example, those who have different statements about him (shippers and fans. and antis?) - I won't go into detail about what kind of statements there are - and it makes me doubt and disappointed in my thoughts about Levi and it affects me so much mentally… i remember the times i didn't get out of bed until the evening.There are many reasons like this but I don't know where to start. not just discourses, HCs I dislike, fanarts etc. and to be honest, although I love and try to love Levi, he sometimes does some acts that I do not support in canon manga/anime, which is one of the things that shakes my love and thoughts about him. official interview discourses are also valid for this. Sometimes one of the things that upsets me is his strangely toxic and optimistic bond with the character of X. but he didn't treat some characters the way he treated X but treated them like toxic and didn't take care of them like X. I may have been biased here.
And I realized that although my love for Levi sometimes wanes and rises, this love does more harm than good to me. Now, even though I try to enjoy its content, it is possible for me to encounter content that I don't like and that will trigger me.
I've been dealing with this for years so there are lots of reasons like this that's why I try to stay away from him and this show as much as I can for my own mental health, but it doesn't work…
I don't know why you're having trouble loving Levi, but I have to say that if there is something that really bothers us enough to make us depressed, we should stay away from such things as much as we can and instead make us happy; I think we should focus on things.
The reason why I wrote this was definitely not to cause a bad feeling, I just saw the severity of my difficulty in loving Levi except for the first time.
I'm tired of pretending to be genuinely happy with Levi's admiration
I think for me it’s just the severity of the love I have for his character that depresses me. Like I get so depressed with the fact he’s not real so than reading fanfics and seeing art just depresses me further because I know I can never have him If that makes sense. So it’s definitely not the same way that I think you mean?
It can be really hard navigating between fanon Levi and canon Levi. There’s such a big difference and it can be challenging to differentiate between the two when consuming content online. It's entirely understandable to struggle in finding the content that resonates with you. Remember that not all content is meant for everyone, and that's perfectly okay! :) I would suggest revisiting the anime or manga to experience Levi’s true character.
Personally, I consider him to be the epitome of a perfect character. In my perspective. he’s never done anything wrong. However, I understand that if you think otherwise, it can be difficult to reconcile within your thoughts. Also, I don't think he displayed favoritism towards any specific character. At the end of the day, Levi acted based on his own convictions, placing his faith in those he believed in, such as Erwin or Eren, regardless of their individual identities. I believe he treated everyone equally.
It does suck when, for whatever reason you have, absorbing content becomes more or less a chore or a detriment on your mental health. I hope you’re taking care of yourself though! :) It’s super important to prioritize self-care, that said I know how challenging it can be but if you ever want to chat my inbox is always open.
Also sorry for the long reply I tend to ramble lmao.
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a list of horrors I have experienced in the atz fic community on twitter
cliques. I don't know how to describe how cliquey it is, but it's genuinely the most intimidating community I've ever tried to join. and it's very easy to tell when you're In or not, because you get completely ignored if you dare speak to someone whose clique you aren't part of
most fucking insane ship discourse you've ever seen. if you don't ship the popular ships you're denying reality. if you do ship them you're boring and uncreative. if you ship them the wrong way you're stupid
the only place I've ever been where people actually care who tops or bottoms. like people straight up will only write one dynamic and refuse to read any other dynamic and eviscerate anyone who doesn't write and read their chosen dynamic
pussy discourse. who should have a pussy. if its fetishism. if trans people have a right to be uncomfortable because it's other trans people writing it
bottom hwa cult. separate to dynamic preferences because the bottom hwa cult are fucking INSANE they will openly act homophobic and display gender essentialism and heterosexism and then the moment someone calls them out they'll threaten to doxx and sic their followers on them while preaching that it's actually the people who are criticising them that are the ones with the stereotyping issue. because in their mind they're breaking a stereotype by making the tall one bottom and see nothing wrong with the fact they're characterising him as hyperfeminine and submissive At All
people are actively encouraged Not to think critically about the content they produce and consume
no content warnings for triggering kinks such as degradation of dubcon, but 'cw: trans character' is one I've seen multiple times
normalisation of degradation to the point they don't realise it Is a kink and think That's Just How Dirty Talk Is and so refuse to cw it
normalisation of dom/sub dynamics to the point they're also not tagged because that's just how sex is (I actually enjoy BDSM stuff sometimes but good lord that's a kink and we tag our kinks here)
theres no easy way to find sfw accs because the whole community refers to itself as nsfw
porn posted regularly and never marked as sensitive
just blatant anti yeosang tweets. for no reason
insulting writers who don't write nsfw while at the same time accusing those same writers of selling out to become popular the second they cave to the pressure and do
fics without smut have such a lacklustre reception than fics that do to the degree multiple authors admit forcing a smut scene in because otherwise people won't read their plot-heavy fic
culture of popular authors with lots of engagement shaming less popular authors with no engagement for wanting comments because "you should write for yourself"
I don't know how to describe it other than "everyone is fake" but someone will say one thing to your face and then something completely contradictory behind your back because it's what the person they're talking about wants to hear
attacking the lone trans fest (also my fest) for not wanting to allow harry potter aus because "I, one specific trans person who is not the moderator who needs to read every fic, have reclaimed it"
and more but this is the worst of it and also the reason why I left
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HS3 on the works: Brands and curious implications
"Post under petition"
THE BASE
It is important to highlight the base on which all this strategy is being will be built. We are a pretty strong trained fandom and at this point, we would recognize Harry dressed in his stunt uniform in the middle of a crowd.
Also, Abbey Road studios are pretty recognizable for many, but it's interesting how the pics happened to be taken right beside the banner. Just in case. "What is a singer doing in a music studio?" we all wonder disconsolately... right?
KICK-OFF
At first sight: Spotify - Gucci - TikTok
It is interesting Spotify's leadership in this "campaign" by now, the platform is taking relevance over the market with its disruptive model since the moment it entered the market. Remember not so long ago Apple almost owned the monopoly of the streaming market. Is HS3 focusing just on one? I don't think so. Actually, both brands played important roles during HS2: Apple covered Fineline's launch exclusive interview, while Spotify sponsored fans listening parties.
He is the image & ambassador of Gucci, this is just an indicator that Gucci will continue to accompany Harry during this period. A check on our list.
TikTok's introduction is pretty interesting, the reason and how it was done. It is a non-stop booming SM platform with more than 700M (2020 fact) users worldwide; an audience split by 60% women & with a great focus (also 60%) on younger people between 16-24 years old. This move is really important since it carries the obvious intention to target Harry to younger audiences. Main focus: Keep growing.
The expected guests: Columbia & Erkshine
Either because you trust the rumors about the 3-album-commitment with Sony Columbia or because we haven't got any indication that makes us suspect about broken ties, this was more than expected.
Display: Coachella
It's pretty clear by now that Harry's target is to acquire a stronger position within the American market. This is a confirmed opportunity to present and perform for the first time that HS3 single. Check some of the reasons click. Again, the Main focus: Keep growing.
Media: Vogue - Rolling Stone - GQ - Dazed
It is common knowledge that the way of consuming media is changing has changed. It's not the end, but I am sure it is a matter of adapting or dying. I am not going to do a debrief on this matter since I think is pretty obvious. The print version is losing frequency & sales, is expensive and is trying to offer better quality in terms of pages and paper. Also, the fact that digital headlines are fed by SM itself is also telling blog vibes.
The agility to acquire interesting characters or topics is more relevant than ever. That's why I believe there are clear agreements with selected covers that keep appearing with temporary or total exclusivity content over and over, while others are still working on echos and traditional sources.
THE ANTECHAMBER BRAND CARROUSEL
Here is a space for friends, for buzz, for mutual collabs, to fuel the gas...
Pleasing: New collection with Mike Fleetwood
Gemma Styles new glasses collection: Wearing Pleasing
The obvious to welcome on board:
Apple
Harris Reed + gang
Late Late Night Show
Movies' cast members
Stunt
Adidas / TNF - ofc
Loewe - Not on Harry but I expect to see it orbiting his circle
Disclaimer: I am passionate about how they operate but when I point to a collaboration or brand contract is not to call either of the parts out, is out of curiosity and learning. This is one of the greatest operators we will be able to witness in the business, it is pretty amazing to sit and just admire them, plus learning if we can. The rest is secondary and subjective.
Interesting readings:
Spotify & Louis
Guccification
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Same annon would you do an analysis in your opinion on how Tyrell and Vera's disturbing obsession with Elliot were different from each other and what motivated them to be attracted to him?
Good question! As a preface I should say that I think I read a post on reddit about that too so idk how much I have an own opinion.
I See Elliot as a sort of middle ground between Tyrell and Vera, and I think both Tyrell and Vera were attracted to Elliot because of the different as well as similar qualities they saw in him (I'll explain).
Tyrell is overly concerned with how other people perceive him, he cares and is completely consumed with trying to please others and prove himself, because he only feels valuable when others validate him.
Vera on the other hand, is completely focused on himself. In that way he is the opposite of Tyrell, because he draws his self-worth from hurting others and causing them pain--he only feels content when others fear him.
Elliot is interesting because he's kinda a combination of the two, imo. His pursuit of changing the world is equally selfish and altruistic, because he wants to make the world a better place for himself and others, especially those who are vulnerable. In that sense, he is more congruent and whole than Tyrell and Vera, who focus too much on the outside world and their internal world, respectively. Elliot strikes a balance between Tyrells and Veras extreme mindsets and I think both Tyrell and Vera strive for that kind of balance because it makes Elliot more grounded (and, dare I say, stable?) than both of them--even though, on the surface it looks like Tyrell and Vera are each more successful in their own fields than Elliot is in his. But ofc, they both sooner or later recognized how brilliant Elliot is at what he does and the kind of power that comes with his talent.
-> Proof:
-Tyrell wanted him and Elliot to be Gods together, he thought Elliot could help him become so powerful that he'd be praised/acknowledged by others for good; maybe he also set that as a challenge to himself, as in'I do this, and I'll finally approve of myself and be independent of others opinions'..--we know he was intrigued by Elliot not caring about anyones opinion so maybe in being gods together he was also hoping to learn that from him
-Vera saw what Elliot could do when he broke him out of prison, and as he explains later Elliot was significant to him because their names were linked by the universe and Elliot was the one who closed all doors for Vera in New York, which was pretty impressive given the violence Vera was in charge of.--speaking of intrigue, I think Vera was impressed by Elliot not being scared of him when they first met
It's interesting that both Tyrell and Vera pretty much immediately related to Elliot: Tyrell said, he was exactly in Elliots place once ("just a tech"), and Vera at least tells us that the moment he met Elliot he saw the same pain he himself had been carrying on Elliots face.
But Tyrell, Vera and Elliot are all similar in their need for power over other people and for being in control of situations they otherwise wouldn't feel safe in. Of course the specifics are different for each of them--their type of abuse and corporate world vs. criminal underworld vs. hacktivist scene are obviously all very different-- but I do think they are more in need of that power and control than other characters (for example, Angela is motivated more by justice). So they have that in common. I also suspect that that might stem from their respective childhood trauma, they all seemed to have problems with their parents (we know that Tyrell hated his father, we know what Edward did to Elliot, and Vera confessed what his mother did to him--assuming he told us the truth, but I don't really know why he wouldn't've). So that could be another reason for why they were drawn to Elliot.
I think the fact that Tyrell and Vera could see parts of themselves in Elliot, while Elliot also displayed desirable qualities they wanted to have (consciously or subconsciously), is interesting. In combining of these two factors of familiarity and display of theirs goals (almost part of their dream-selfs), Elliot gave them a sense that their goals could be attainable. And I imagine it would've also just been interesting to see some of their traits play out so differently in Elliots character.
TL;DR: Tyrell is obsessed with external validation while Vera is chasing internal validation and they both think Elliot can somehow satisfy those issues for them. Their need for control and power resulted in them acting the way they did.
Alright I hope this makes sense! Sorry it took me a while to respond, I had to think about the question, it was an interesting one. I tried to find the reddit post I saw about this to make sure I was somewhat original but I couldn't find it so I hope I'm not ripping anyones ideas. Anyways yeah that's how I see these character dynamics. I would love to see Tyrell meet Vera, I can't even try to predict how that'd happen (obviously doesn't work with the timeline too well) but I think given that they are polar opposites in many ways and are both so obsessed with Elliot, it would be veryyy interesting I think. Also let me know what you think if you like! I'm not sure if I'm 100% convinced of my interpretation.
PS. feel free to send more questions!! :) <3
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Quick explanation of why I ship Shigadabi:
Personal and important note: The other day someone sent me an specific ask that was pretty controversial, specially because of the way the person expressed about Shigaraki and Dabi and the fans that ship them. The person asked me to take down the ask, but I didn't want to lose my answer, so I'm copying it and pasting it, while adding some things that I didn't explain well enough and others that I think are interesting to considerate.
Feel free to contact me if you think I'm doing or saying something wrong. I prefer directly talking to people and acknowledging my mistakes in front of everyone, so I can apologize for them and find a way to make up for that same mistakes. Now let's go with the reading!
———————–––––––––––----------------- ×
You see, I'm kinda new to the fandom.
I started watching mha / bnha maybe two or three months ago? Yeah, no more than that. Which means that all the content I consume is totally new to me. However, I missed the shigadabi hype that happened when I was not yet on the fandom.
It can also be because I'm used to being on BIG fandoms, but when I started looking for League of Villains and Shigadabi content, I didn't find as much content as I would want to. I got so frustrated that I came to tumblr and create a mha / bnha account to share my thoughts and the things I like and don't like that much.
Right now, the most popular pairing with Dabi is kinda Dabihawks, which I don't ship for some reasons, but the point is that most content I consume about Dabi, it has Hawks involved. I need a place free of Hawks to celebrate the League and I wanted a safe place for villain stans, you know?
People can create as much content as they want about what they want. I'm not over here saying anything about Dabihawks shippers or whatever, because I just don't engage with those post. As simple as that.
Also, it is a personal opinion that I am sad because many great written characters are pushed aside because they don't have a ship or they don't have romantic or sexual content. If the character is not shippable, it's like it doesn't exists sometimes! I'm not saying "don't create shipping content", instead I'm saying "I think there's a lack of platonic content". Both things can and should co-exist.
Now, if you read my headcanons or my blog in general, you're gonna be surprised for one fact:
I don't post about sex stuff most of the time. And when I do, it's only implications linked to a more complex dynamic.
I don't ship things just to ship them (if you do thats totally valid), not at least when it comes to my favorite pairings. For me it's never about "they both are cute and they'd look cute together", because for me the physical aspects couldn't care less and I see no sense in shipping something just for the sake of it. I'm done with society making everything about romance and sex, putting the platonic relationships (THAT ARE CRAZY IMPORTANT TO US AS HUMAN BEINGS) in the trash. It's not a fandom thing, it's more like being tired of the media and the way great companies portray characters.
If I'm saying this, then why do I ship Shigadabi?
What in the story inspired me to do it?
Mostly because it amazes me, how they just click on the canon. Not in a romantic way, they just— they just click as people, you know?
To this day, there's no good explanation to why Shigaraki gave Dabi a nomu. He never gave a Nomu to other member of the League, then why? It is not like the narrative told us Shigaraki gave a nomu to Vanguard Squad. No, he gave it to Dabi.
I think that was the moment when I started shipping them. That tiny detail, as stupid as it sounded, made me think "wait, why?". In the manga, AFO giving Tomura a nomu was a symbol of how he wanted Tomura to keep learning and growing. It was a form of stating a bond between a man we couldn't see and his sucessor. It was a display of trust.
And then Shigaraki went and did the same with an almost stranger? Maybe it was also a display of trust in Dabi, because he was leading the attack against the Summer Camp. But still, the first person outside AFO and Kurogiri that stablished a good relationship with Tomura was Dabi. And it just happened off screen. Why?
It still amazes me every time Horikoshi decides to show us that Tomura trusts in Dabi like it is something natural, like it's not a big deal. Dabi can come and go as he likes, but when Shigaraki calls him, he quickly answers the call. It doesn't matter if Dabi never took good recruits back to the League or if Dabi had clearly his own agenda, if he was doing a good job or if he was being suspicious.
Shigaraki just trusted him again and again.
And for Dabi, even if he claims he just follows Shigaraki because it's convenient, it doesn't look like it bothers him to follow Tomura. They fall perfectly into a dance they both knew since the beginning and we don't know how.
It's almost like it had to happen, just as that.
It became normal to see them side by side, but contrary to the other members of the League, we never got a big moment between them. There are only quick interactions, a word or two, and yet they just know the other will be there if they called?
It drives me crazy. Even in their first interaction, they worked perfectly together.
Now, the asks I was asked to delete implied that Shigadabi was disgusting, specially because it can be "some random horny stuff?"
I wanna clarify that no ship should be judge just because of its NSFW content and no ship is disgusting from being two men having sex or engaging in sexual activities. That's NOT A FUCKING VALID REASON to judge a ship. If you don't like it, don't engage with the content and that's it.
Now, for me it has never been about they having sex, because that's not what I'm interested in. One of my personal headcanons is that Shigaraki is demisexual and Dabi is demiromantic, which means Tomura feels no sexual attraction unless he has a deep bond with someone, and the same with Dabi but with romantic attraction. I just can't create NSFW content, it makes me personally uncomfortable but not because I have issue with the characters or the pairing but because I don't like consuming sexual stuff. It's not my thing, you know? Like, I get bored with the sexual stuff. I prefer writing about the symbolic implications of them in the narrative.
For me it's about how they display something really really important in any relationship: trust. They don't force the other into anything. And of course, which is in my opinion the best thing about this ship: the potential of them both healing together.
There's no one in the manga that can understand Tomura as perfect as Dabi can. The abusive father, the negligent mother, the siblings and relatives that do nothing to stop the abuse— they both have gone through it. They know what is like feeling like you need to kill your father to survive, they know what is like being homeless, walking on the streets, with people abusing you and kicking you and no one rescues you, it's like you don't even exists.
They don't need to explain any of that to the other. They don't need to imagine it. The chronic pain, the self-destructive tendencies, the hatred, the destructive quirks, the need to do something to feel less like you're dying.
Dabi and Tomura trust each other because they are like mirrors. They can't lie to the other. They don't need to.
The idea of them both looking for comfort on each other, that's what I love about this ship. The mundane stuff, the daily basis.
The way Touya's red hair matched Tomura's red eyes, or the way Tomura's blue hair matched Dabi's blue eyes.
The fact that they both have quirks connected to burial or death ceremonies, that are so widely portrayed as something bad when in fact both flames and dust are related to reincarnation, to a fresh start, to purifying.
How they show their looks and scars and marks and they're not ashamed, because there's nothing to be ashamed of. They survived, they don't care about how their faces look.
The narrative is constantly paralleling them, bringing them together. You know how the narrative opposes Hawks and Dabi, for example? Well, Horikoshi loves to draw Tomura and Dabi side by side. Some how they're always finding each other in the middle.
You can also notice that I've spend a lot of time studying Dabi and Tomura as two separate persons. I'm all the time rambling about the Shimuras and the Todorokis, about Dabi and his personal issues, about Tomura and the implications of the manga. I ship Shigadabi because I have a lot of background to do it. The more I think about them in separate, the more it gets clear to me that the best ship for each of them is them ending up together.
Also, I don't ship Tomura or Dabi with anyone in the canon. The narrative hasn't given me good reasons to do so. So my Shigadabi shipping behavior is mostly on aus and fan content.
I can't speak for other users, but at least these are my reasons and my opinion about Shigadabi.
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Am I the only one who thinks Azula doesn't have any sort of mental illness specifically? Her breakdown in the show is due to stress and abandonment but even Aang is shown to have hallucinations when stressed and sleep deprived. I don't like how in the comics they keep giving her random hallucinations for plot purposes and her mental illness doesn't make any sense
You’re not, there’s one pretty good post lost somewhere in the depths of this site, written by an actual psychologist, who thoroughly broke down Azula’s situation from a professional point of view and reached similar conclusions to yours. There’s also @science-fiction-is-real‘s analysis, where if I recall correctly she refers to Azula’s breakdown as a storytelling resource exclusively rather than an actual display of mental illness.
I don’t really have a full opinion on the matter myself, I understand either side perfectly well, though the fact that the comics offer hallucinations and symptoms that don’t really make sense with any known mental illnesses certainly sits badly with me too. If Azula’s mental illnesses were dealt with responsibly by the writing, I’d be fine with referring to them as mental illness indeed. As they’re not handled responsibly at all, it feels like treating it as genuine mental illness only serves to further horrific stereotypes that people have been fighting against for ages, and that deserve to be approached far more carefully than they were here.
Then the problem with not acknowledging this as mental illness per se is that a lot of people who are sympathetic towards Azula and are mentally ill as well actually feel for her character quite strongly because of her condition. As much as she’s not good rep for this specific group, they love her and want her to improve and heal, because it’d be a brilliant message to send forward if she can, indeed, get help and make progress in life. Usually, these fans cling to fan content mostly, from my understanding, precisely because canon refuses to handle Azula’s condition responsibly. Whether the fan content they consume treats Azula’s mental illness as genuine or not, that’s up to each individual fanwork and fan reading it, I’d say, but as far as I know, most fanworks give Azula a lot more dignity and chances to grow than canon has, and the hope that canon might someday afford her those opportunities and that dignity keeps them in the fandom, hoping for a better resolution than we’ve seen so far.
Soooo... I’m honestly stuck in a situation where I’m unsure as to which opinion to hold. Generally, I just write Azula with my own ideas about her growth and progress, evidently the Azula I write is miles from the canon one by now, not just in age and morals but in development and personal growth since I’ve been giving her thousands of things to grow with across 200 chapters :’D I don’t really ponder her mental illnesses too much while writing because she hasn’t had an actual breakdown in my main story, yet I did make a point to feature Aunt Wu warning her that her mind was a lot more fragile than she realized and to protect her mental health. I suppose, in the end, Azula’s potential mental illnesses aren’t what define her character for me, they’re another factor within her story in certain cases, a possible factor in others, and I’m honestly open to either the interpretation that her breakdown was a matter of circumstance as the interpretation that it’s but a consequence of slowly building problems that eventually were unleashed through her breakdown. Again, I’m not happy about how canon has approached the topic because it’s been basically dehumanizing through and through, but I understand why some people see it that way, regardless of how poorly it has been handled.
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The First Crack
@soulxmakaweek
Day 4, Laughter featuring baby (and by baby I mean they’re, like, 12) SoMa. Enjoy!
Summary: It was the first time she had ever heard him laugh like that... Maka, Soul, and a kitchen mishap
FF.net // AO3
Maka had only known Soul for a week and she was thoroughly convinced he was emotionally constipated.
Seriously, the only form of raw human emotion she saw out of him came in the form of his playing the piano. It was like he had opened a window into his soul, one she had peered eagerly into and accepted wholeheartedly. But then he had decided that she couldn't see any more and firmly shut the window before nailing a bunch of two-by-fours to it, making him impossible to read again.
It didn't help that all their interactions afterwards were in the form of arguments. She'd try to get to know her new partner only for him to make scathing, teasing comments about her appearance and her affliction for reading books. This would cause her to lose her temper, leading to a chop before they'd go back to their respective rooms to do their own thing.
It was rather frustrating. She wondered if all boys were like that. She dismissed that thought, though, when she remembered the other men in her life: her father and Black Star.
Her father had no trouble expressing himself. He often wore his heart on his sleeve (as well as a different woman every day), sobbing big fat tears whenever his darling daughter gave him the cold shoulder. Meanwhile, Black Star spent most of his time crowing about how awesome he was and how he'd surpass God while Professor Sid yelled at him to get off the school's roof before he hurt himself.
No, she deduced that all boys weren't as opposed toward expressing themselves. It must just be a Soul Eater thing.
She could have tried harder to get to know him, but her mother often told her that partnerships were so fragile during the beginning stages. Even if you clicked right away, there was always that risk of things becoming strained and awkward the more you got to know each other. The best plan of action was to always go slow and to not force yourselves on each other.
Maka didn't want to try and search for a new partner—one who was a scythe at least—so she hung herself back and allowed Soul to be his moody, closed-off self. If things worked in her favor, he'd open up to her sooner or later…
"Hey, Mama sent me a blender as a housewarming gift. I'm gonna make a smoothie, do you want one?" she asked him one afternoon, poking her head in his room.
Soul was in bed lying on his stomach, some magazine in his hands. He lifted his head up to acknowledge her, "Yeah, sure. You got strawberries?"
Maka nodded, "Of course! I'll let you know when I'm done."
Soul gave a grunt in reply as Maka bounced into the kitchen. She was excited. Excited because not only was she going to try out her newest appliance, but she and Soul would have another reason to bond with each other. Sure, it may end up as them drinking their cold drinks in the living room while aimlessly flipping channels, but it was better than nothing. Maka liked to think of the glass half-full during these occasions.
After setting the blender up, Maka hummed as she brought the ingredients onto the counter. Following the recipe she had looked up at the library, Maka put everything in the jar. Placing the lid onto the jar, she eagerly pressed the start button…only for nothing to happen.
"Huh?" she said, turning every which way to figure out why the appliance wasn't working. She thought she had everything in place. It should turn on!
After fiddling with it for a while with no results, she got frustrated. She yelled out, "Soul! Could you come in here and help me?"
"What's the matter?" she heard him ask from his bedroom.
"I can't get the blender to come on."
"Are you serious?" he complained. She heard his heavy footsteps. "It's a blender, Maka. It's not like they're hard to use."
She pouted at him when he rounded the corner into the kitchen, "I know that! But I can't get it to turn on!"
Soul rolled his eyes, "Move aside. Let me look at it."
He inspected it. She watched him take the lid off of the jar to look inside, probably making sure nothing was jamming the blades if Maka had to guess. Deducing that the blades were fine, he detached the jar from the base and set it on the counter before picking the base up to examine it. Maka was thankful he had done that; she didn't want to worry about him accidentally spilling the contents of their smoothie onto the floor. After a brief moment, he placed the appliance back on the counter before turning to his meister.
"Found the problem. It's battery operated. You didn't put the batteries in, genius." He said, letting out a chuff at her incompetence.
Maka flushed in embarrassment. She was torn between hiding her face in shame and punching that infuriating smirk off his face.
"I… I thought they were already put in!" she defended.
Soul snorted, "Obviously not." He checked the box Maka had opened when she received the package from her mother. "Oh good, your mom included some batteries. Let me install them then we can work it."
Maka watched him place the batteries in, her cheeks still burning from the shame of making an utter fool of herself in front of her weapon. She hoped this didn't give him second thoughts about agreeing to partner up with her.
"Alright, here we go," she heard Soul say. She looked back to him and saw he was about to hit the "on" button. What she also noticed was in his hurry to make smoothies he had forgotten to put the lid back on the jar.
"W-Wait, Soul! Don't—"
Too late. Soul pressed the button and Maka watched his red eyes widen comically at the realization of what he had just done. Both weapon and meister squealed in shock as the contents of what would have been their fruity drinks exploded over them and their kitchen.
"Shut it off! Shut it off!" Maka screamed, running over to the boy.
"I'm trying! I'm trying!" Soul screamed back, strawberry and yogurt and whatever else had gotten into his eyes, clouding his vision and inhibiting him from hitting the correct button.
"Let me!" she said, forcing the appliance closer to her and managing to find the "off" button. She sighed in relief at hearing the whirling blades die down.
"Man, so uncool!" Soul groaned, running a hand through his hair and grimacing in disgust when it came back covered in pink goop.
Maka blinked at his appearance. The pink tinge of the smoothie and random chunks of strawberry worked really well with his white hair. It practically dyed it. Before she could stop herself she gave an unattractive snort before bursting into uncontrollable giggles.
Soul scowled at her, watching as his meister leaned forward in laughter.
"It's. Not. Funny." He growled.
Maka said in between giggles, "Oh…yes it…is! Hahaha, you look ridiculous!"
"Yeah, like you're any better!" he fired back, gesturing to her own smoothie-covered appearance.
"Yeah, well…" giggle, "at least my hair isn't pink now. You look so uncool!" she then fell onto the floor. The comment might have been mean, but after a week of hearing him call her breasts tiny, it felt like a breath of fresh air to make fun of him for a change.
"We'll see about that…" she heard her weapon say. Maka stopped her giggling upon hearing the underlying threat in his words. Looking up to him, she saw he had a maniacal grin on his face, a handful of pink goop in his hands.
"Soul Eater, don't you dare—" Maka's attempt to threaten him turned into a squeal of shock as Soul dived onto her to rub strawberry smoothie into her pigtails.
"Who's got the pink hair now, huh?" Soul taunted, making sure to slather the chunks of strawberries onto her face for good measure.
"You are DEAD!" with a battle cry, Maka tackled Soul.
The two wrestled each other on the kitchen floor, using whatever they could find among the mess as their ammunition. Various noises coming out of their mouths—screaming, threats of bodily harm, and most of all, laughter.
The laughter was mostly consuming them, to the point they disentangled themselves from their brawl to spread themselves out onto the floor. Maka was clutching her stomach as her sides were starting to hurt.
"Ceasefire, ceasefire!" she pleaded, her guffaws too much for her.
"I can't believe I forgot to put the lid on!" Soul said, "That's like…the number one rule of a blender. You'd have to be a stupid cartoon character to make that mistake! And now I'm covered in all this crap!"
He then turned onto his side as he broke into more infectious laughter. Maka would have joined him if she weren't overcome by a sudden revelation.
This was the first time she had ever heard Soul laugh.
Sure, he would snicker at a crude joke Black Star would tell him, or chuckle if he heard a funny joke on television, but as for genuine bone-deep laughter? This was definitely the first.
She just marveled at the site. His sharp teeth fully on display; his deep red eyes closed tight, crinkling at the edges in his mirth; and if she looked closely, she could see tears forming in the corners because he was laughing so hard.
He looked so natural and carefree. Like he didn't have the world's biggest chip on his shoulder. Like he wasn't worrying about how he looked or presented in front of others.
He looked…happy.
"Hey, what's with that look on your face?" his voice drew her out of her musings. He was trying to glare at her, but it was offset by his still present grin, "If you think I look bad, you should see yourself, nerdbrain."
Maka stuck her tongue out at him, "I wasn't staring!" (She ignored how unconvincing that sounded.), "I was just thinking about what a pain this was going to be to clean up, is all!"
Soul sighed, rolling onto his back again before cringing as more of the smoothie substance seeped into his shirt. "Yeah, that's gonna suck… Well, I'll let you take care of it. I'm gonna hop in the shower."
Maka gave an indignant noise, "Oh no you don't! You're the one who caused the mess, I get the shower while you clean up!"
"It wasn't my idea to make the smoothies!" he shot back.
"Well, I'm a lady and ladies go first!"
Soul snorted, "Funny, I thought 'ladies' had more sex appeal—"
"MAKA CHOP!"
"OUCH!"
While Soul nursed his aching head, Maka used the opportunity to run to the bathroom. "I'll help once I'm done showering. Then you can shower and I'll finish what you started!"
"Yeah, yeah, whatever…" she heard him grumble as she grabbed some clean clothes and shut the door.
As she peeled off her stained clothing, she thought she heard more of his distinct laughter from his place in the kitchen. She felt herself smile.
It may take some time, but she felt hopeful that she could crack the sturdy exterior that was Soul's metaphorical walls.
Hopefully it wouldn't take too many mistakes and messes for that to happen…
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Content
Gary isn't used to people touching him. Side hugs, hand holding, it's all new to him.
He flinches almost everytime someone places a hand on his shoulder. Not in a bad way, just in a "oh my crap this is a lot of sensations I'm feeling" kinda way.
Set in Final Space. This can be read by itself or you can perceive it between How Do I Tell Him? And Changes.
~
Gary was used to loneliness. He was almost comforted by the familiar feeling it gave. The empty feeling in his chest that consumed him for most of his life, at least until Mooncake showed up and changed everything. But can you blame the guy? He spent 5 years in solitude and even before that he didn't really have any friends or family to share the occasional "hug" with. Before Gary was imprisoned, he was alone for most of his life. The only person that had shown him any love or affection had died when he was young, too young to really retain what affection felt like.
So his friends touching him was an entirely new experience.
His friends aren't really ones to display affection, they're the type to give an excited hug after a job well done or a pat on the shoulder if you did something good. But they almost never laid a hand on another when an adrenaline rush wasn't involved.
Gary on the other hand, has always been a touchy guy. Pats on the back, arms swung around shoulders, Gary is a very friendly person. He likes to be around people and be close to the ones he trusts.
Sometimes he wonders if he's being annoying or clingy when he drapes himself over Avocato or leans against him, but Avocato hasn't said anything against it, so Gary hasn't stopped. Gary could tell he hated it at first, but he's like a cat. Once they like you, and I mean really like you, they'll seek you out when they want attention.
Gary isn't new to touching people, he's just new to people touching him.
He doesn't mean that in a bad way, he's not entirely uncomfortable with touching. It was more like, something as small as a side hug sent shivers down his spine. Or if someone, not naming names, nuzzled up to him, he'd immediately get weak in the knees, and not in a "God he's so hot I'm weak" kinda way. Him being weird about touch wasn't always based on his attraction. When his mom patted him on the back he flinched away, not because he was upset, it was just. Weird. It was like, it was too much. He would get overwhelmed when someone else touched him.
Was this normal?
It kinda creeped him out to be honest.
One of the only people that were an exception was Little Cato. He felt comforted when he and Little Cato hugged or clasped. It didn't feel uncomfortable or like it was too much. He doesn't know why or what makes him different. Maybe it was the level of trust? No, because he trusts Quinn and he trusted Nightfall. Maybe it was because they had both comforted each other multiple times to the point touching became their way of comfort?
He's not sure.
On the other side, Avocato also wasn't used to touching, which Gary provided a sufficient amount of. It was weird at first, actually it took everything in him to not claw Gary's eyes out when they first met. But as they grew closer, he began to trust Gary. It was different than what he was used to. He was once a highly respected General, he was untouchable. Those under his command could hardly even look at him, not that they wanted to. But now, Gary quite literally drapes himself over him. It wasn't bad, not that Avocato would ever admit that. It's a nice change of pace, and he trusts Gary.
After some time, Avocato began seeking out his touch. He would stand way too close, sit too close, and he even leaned into any touch Gary provided. Avocato would find himself nuzzling into hugs only to deny it if questioned. Gary got the hint after the first few denials. So he stopped asking and just went with it.
Eventually Avocato began to get impatient while waiting for Gary to initiate touches. Gary was always busy doing repairs, counting stock, flying, there was always something he had to do. So Avocato started dishing it out as well.
Which is what induced Gary into a small panic of flinching gasps and small jolts.
It started small, hands on shoulders, brushing hands together when standing too close, and Avocato has even started giving Gary the occasional side hug whenever they were standing next to each other. If Gary was sitting, Avocato would drape his arm over Gary's shoulder. If Gary was standing, Avocato would wrap his arm around Gary's waist. He hardly noticed Gary's odd fidgeting whenever they touched, and when he did, he figured it was just Gary being Gary.
If either of them were weirded out, no one said anything. So the small touches kept happening and more of it.
~
Avocato walked into the lounge to see Gary sipping from a coffee mug. He was leaning against the table, half of his torso on the table. Gary had to tilt his head upwards awkwardly and slowly sip at his drink to not spill it. Avocato smiled and cradled his cup of milk close to him as he walked over.
"I hope you're not drinking coffee at this hour." Avocato placed his cup on the table and sat across Gary, crossing his legs. He leaned back against the booth in a relaxed manner. Gary looked up at Avocato.
"Nope, just some warm milk." He raised his mug and gave a small smile before setting it back down.
"Can't sleep?" Avocato took a sip from his cup and leaned forward. He noticed the bags under Gary's eyes and tried not to frown.
Gary shrugged. "Not really, what are you doing up at this hour?" Although they couldn't really perceive time in Final Space, the Crimson Light had a day and night cycle. Light for 12 hours, dimmed lights for 12 hours. Sheryl was the one currently keeping an eye on piloting while most slept.
Avocato mimicked Gary and shrugged. "Can't sleep." They sat in silence for a moment, just enjoying the presence of the other. They both took sips from their drink before Gary smiled deviously. Avocato furrowed his brow.
"So what if we could help each other?" Gary asked innocently, batting his eyelashes. Avocato bit his lip and narrowed his eyes.
"How so?" Gary stood and leaned forward on the table, getting very close to Avocato's face. Avocato was used to this behavior, so he just stared at Gary with a raised brow. He also wasn't too upset about the sudden proximity.
"Sleepover!" Gary moved out from the booth and grabbed Avocato's hand. He dragged him to his room, drinks left forgotten. He tugged Avocato through the halls and to his room.
"Wa-Wait, Gary, I-" Gary opened his door and pushed Avocato in. Avocato stumbled slightly and turned to look at Gary.
"No buts! What better way to exhaust yourself than hanging out with your best bud?" Gary placed his hands on his hips and puffed out his chest proudly.
Avocato rolled his eyes. "I can think of a few better ways." He muttered to himself with a smirk on his face.
"Hmm? What was that?" Gary tilted his head, too into his own world to understand what Avocato was implying.
Avocato simply shook his head. "You want to play cards then?"
Gary's face lit up and a bright smile displayed across his face. It's been awhile since Avocato had seen Gary smile like that.
He tried to ignore the flutter in his stomach.
Gary nodded his head viciously and moved to his bed, grabbing his cards from his nightstand on the way. He jumped on the bed and sat criss crossed. The energetic man-child began to excitedly shuffle the cards as he patted the other side of the bed.
"Are you going to play, or just stand there?"
Avocato walked over and sat across from him. "Of course I'm going to play. I just don't know if you can handle losing."
Gary laughed. "They only thing I'll have to handle is your sore loser attitude!" Gary began dealing the cards. They started with a simple game of SlapJack. Both were very aggressive and competitive. Gary loved playing with Avocato most because he matched Gary's level of aggression in cards, it's not easy to find a partner that can dish it out and take the heat.
They flipped cards over back and forth so quickly a bystander would think it was life or death. A jack appeared and they both slammed their hands on the card, making all the cards on the bed bounce at their violent attack.
"Dammit!" Gary removed his hand and let Avocato take the cards.
"Come on baby, you are trying aren't you?" Avocato purred and gave him a lazy smile. Gary pursed his lips.
"Of course, it was just a warm up round. I wanted to see if you were paying attention."
Avocato laughed and nodded his head towards the game. "Well maybe you should stop staring at me and look at the cards instead."
"It's hard not to stare." Gary's face flushed as soon as he said it. He looked up to see that Avocato was too focused on the game to have even heard what he'd said.
Gary let out a sigh of relief.
Unfortunately for Gary, Avocato had heard him. He just didn't know what to say in response. He could feel his face burning and he struggled to hide the smirk that so desperately wanted to appear.
He looked back up at Gary and eyed him for a moment. His red tank top dipped with the way he was hunched over, exposing some of his chest. He had an intense look on his face as he started dealing cards. Gary looked up and they made eye contact. Avocato smirked and winked at him. Gary looked back down towards the game, his face cherry red. Avocato laughed slightly as they started the next game.
They continued playing another 3 rounds before Avocato stretched out his arms, showing his defined figure through his black undershirt. His back popped and he groaned.
Gary turned away.
"This has been fun but I'm getting a little tired, aren't you?" Gary nodded slightly. They gathered the rest of the cards and sat them on the nightstand. Avocato moved to stand and Gary grabbed his wrist.
"Where are you going?"
Avocato looked at him quizzically and gestured towards the door. "To my room?"
Gary rolled his eyes and pulled him down onto the bed. Avocato landed beside Gary on the small mattress. It was a tight squeeze, they both laid on their sides facing each other, and there was little room between them. Avocato could feel Gary's breath against his cheeks. In the dimmed room, Gary's eyes seemed to sparkle and Avocato couldn't look away.
"It's a sleepover yo, that usually means you sleep over." Gary annunciated the "sleep over" to get his point across with a shy smile on his face.
"I don't know man, I don't think I'll be able to sleep with you snoring next to me." Avocato looked away with a smirk on his face.
Gary flushed and narrowed his eyes. "I do not snore!" He shoved Avocato's shoulder lightly.
"How would you know?"
Gary glared and ignored him. He then sat up and grabbed the blankets that were by their feet. He pulled the blanket up and threw it over the two of them. Gary laid back down, using his arm as a pillow.
Avocato copied him, except his other hand was placed close to his face.
"How are you doing?"
Avocato closed his eyes and let himself sink into the bed. "What do you mean?"
Gary paused. "With everything."
Avocato shrugged. "I'm getting used to it."
"Well I'm here. If you need to talk."
Avocato smiled, eyes still closed. "You're a good friend Gary."
Gary smiled at the familiar saying. "I would've gone with great." He reached up and held Avocato's hand in his own. "But good works too." He closed his eyes with a small smile on his face.
Avocato sighed at the comforting weight on his hand. He squeezed Gary's hand tenderly. Gary expected to feel that same jolt he gets when people touch him. He expected to feel itchy from being so close to Avocato.
But he felt content. He's never felt this way in someone's embrace before. He felt entirely comforted and safe in Avocato's strong grip.
Sleep came easy after that.
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Okay lol I didnt want to send it again and have you had already gotten it lmao. Well I was just thinking like we know how YN was during the time between her leaving Harry's and him and Gemma showing up at her place, but we don't anything about his time. Like, how he felt knowing she left while he was puking for example, and all the rough times during that week and the times he wanted her to hold him, thinking he fucked up, Gemma persuading his sick mopey ass to go to her place. You know? :)
I PROMISE I DIDNT FORGET ABOUT THIS BUT HI HERE SHE IS
Accidentally In Love: Harry’s POV (kinda?)
“What’s the problem, I don’t know. Well, maybe I’m in love.”
Pt. 1 | Pt. 2
A/N: I recommend reading these other parts first to make more sense of this, but like, you do you fam
In the many years, Harry has spent getting to know you from you being one of Gemma’s best friends as well as one of his own, it’s very easy for him to deem you as unpredictable. You like keeping people on their toes. Whether it be with your witty humor or sarcastic remarks, there’s something about making people face the unknown that you find rather intriguing; even if it’s unintentional and at the worst possible times.
During those years of forming a significant relationship with you, Harry also couldn’t prevent the attraction and feelings he developed along with it. However, he tried his best to not do anything in regards to it for the sake of his sister, as well as the thought of there being no chance in hell you felt the same. That was until he decided to invite you over to watch some movies on Christmas Eve because he was sick and didn’t want to be alone. Somewhere in the process of doing something so simple and harmless while cuddled up on his couch, it was determined that you indeed felt the same about him and well, things escalated pretty quickly from there.
As someone who has made out with quite a few people throughout his years, he’d never been so taken aback by how good someone’s lips felt against his own. It was something he found himself getting lost in, and knew he’d continue craving if it were to end before he was ready. He couldn’t get enough of this new sensation and wanted to have you closer – finding pleasure in the way you felt on his lap with your hands being tangled into his curls; moaning against his lips to indicate you're enjoying what’s going on as well… But then his mum and sister walked in.
In the whirlwind of events, the illness Harry had been feeling before all this took over and he had to rush out of the room as his mother and sister silently asked for answers; leaving you to stand there shocked, alone, and unsure of what to do. A few moments later one he finishes emptying the contents of his stomach and finally recollects himself, he is thrown a complete curveball about the entire predicament he’s found himself in.
“What do you mean she left?” Harry questions his mother with furrowed eyebrows while staring at her through the bathroom mirror’s reflection. A soft sigh escapes his mouth as he reaches forward to turn off the rushing water coming from the tap after he’d just finished brushing his teeth once finally being able to stand up from his hunched over position beside the toilet. He turns around to face his mum but has to take a moment and leans against the sink as he starts feeling a bit nauseous again. “Y/N, s-she really left?”
“Harry, I think you need to go lay down,” Anne’s soothing voice states in a concerned tone, but Harry just closes his eyes and shakes his head.
“Where’s Gemma?”
“I asked her to get a damp cloth for your forehead, you’ve got a fever love,” she continues as he looks at her again. Just as he’s about to say something else – his sister appears in the doorway with a cloth and wastes no time in chucking it towards him as anger takes over her features.
“What the hell was that Harry?” Gem seethes as her brother reaches up to catch the cloth just before it can peg him in the chest.
“Gemma,” Anne warns her daughter, but the oldest Styles sibling just isn’t having it. “Take a couple breaths, please.”
“No, mum. There are literally so many other people he could’ve chosen to mess around with, but he just had to choose my best friend? What even is that?” Her eyes snap to those of her brothers, and boy if looks could kill; Harry would cease to exist. “She’s not one of those fuck buddies that you just get to toss away once you’re done with them, Harry. She's-.”
“Do you not think I know that?” He snaps at her and lets out an aggravated groan as he harshly pushes a hand through his curls. “How could you think I’d ever do something like that to Y/N? Fuck, I need to call her.”
No more words are exchanged between the three as Harry exits the washroom and makes way to the living room to retrieve his cell phone from where it’s laying on the couch. He wastes no time in finding your contact and pressing the call button. The first couple of rings go by and Harry feels his heart pace increase when the other end of the call finally picks up; however, that rapid beating he feels diminishes as your voice chimes in asking him to leave a message and that you’d back to him as soon as you could.
With a defeated sigh, he waits for the tone as he stressfully tugs at his hair. “Hey Y/N, uh yeah, it’s me. Mum told me that you left and well, I really think we should talk about this. Give me a call back when you can, please.” Without any other words, he ends the call and tosses the device aside; thinking you’d call him back once you were home – but unfortunately, that never happens.
The days afterward come and go in a blur for the Rockstar, but not in a good way. He tries to be as positive as he can seeing as his mother and sister flew all the way to LA just to visit him for the holidays, but there’s one thing that is always nagging at the back of his mind despite how hard he tries to focus on literally anything else other than, well, you... And how it seems you’ve very much gone out of your way to ignore him.
You’re all that’s consumed his thoughts, and it’s slowly beginning to eat him alive because he hasn’t been able to talk to you. Did he do something wrong? Was it a mistake finally telling you how he felt about you? Why haven’t you called him back? Are you regretting kissing him?… Maybe you’re just embarrassed and want to pretend like none of this happened, but that is the last thing Harry wants.
Reaching out to you has become a lost cause, and as the days turn into weeks; he continues to send you a message every day in attempts to finally speak with you about all of this. He’s feeling rather pathetic about the whole ordeal, but he cares too much to not keep trying.
Things between him and Gemma have been a bit awkward during this time, to say the least, but with their unspoken sibling pact to not address the elephant in the room until they’re both ready to calmly speak about the matter; they avoid it altogether… Until one day, Gemma decides to change that.
It’s now been over two weeks since Christmas and Harry’s in a rough state. He’s somehow managed to become even sicker than he was before the holiday’s. It’s left him with nothing else to do but wallow in self-pity over everything that hasn’t gone his way as of late – and to watch an unnecessary amount of TV as he remains planted on the couch; jotting down the odd lyric that comes to mind when his eyes need a break from staring at the television screen for so long.
One afternoon, he finally stands up from the couch; wrapped in a blanket as he makes way to the kitchen for a glass of water as a rerun of Shrek 2 starts playing on the television. The opening scene of Shrek and Fiona on their honeymoon can be heard from the other room and has him scoffing at the cliché romance being displayed when he can’t even get a text back, but also has him nodding his head to the catchy Counting Crows song that plays in the background. Soon enough he’s humming along to the few words he recognizes and doesn’t notice the presence that stands behind him now, watching him in his own little world and trying their hardest not to laugh.
“Seriously?” Gemma’s voice speaks up from the doorway, startling the Rockstar. She chuckles as her brother whips around to look at her, and shakes her head before continuing. “This is what your moping has turned into?”
“I have not been moping,” he grumbles and rolls his eyes as Gem leaves the room for a second to go turn off the TV before returning shortly after. “Heeeeey, m’watching that.”
“Not moping hmm? Then what’s with all the sappy rom-coms you’ve been watching for the past two weeks straight?”
“I like rom-coms, and I’ve been sick Gemma,” he replies, narrowing his gaze at her as he moves to the cupboard to grab an Advil for the headache he feels coming on. “Why are you on my case?”
“Have you talked to Y/N?” The older Styles questions, causing Harry to freeze in his tracks completely.
He lets his shoulders slouch before slowly turning back around to face his sister. “No, I haven’t. She won’t answer any of my calls or texts.”
“Thought she might pull something like this on you,” Gemma continues. “She always was a coward when it came to boys she liked. Anyways, I’m going to see her. Are you coming?”
“Right now?” He asks incredulously and looks down at the baggy grey hoodie and jeans he’s wearing; shaking his head as he processes everything. “Wait, when did you talk to her?”
“I haven’t yet,” she explains. “But I’ll send her a text to see if she’s home and we’ll go from there. I’d be surprised if she weren’t though, mum said she seemed pretty sick when they ran into each other last week.”
“Mum and Y/N talked last week, and no one wanted to tell me?” He asks slightly annoyed
“Hey, I only found out last night. Mum and I discussed all of it… this.”
With a heavy sigh, the two know what is to come. The elephant has been addressed, and Harry couldn’t be more relieved but panicked at the same time. He observes his sister as he waits for her to continue, but when she doesn’t; he takes it as a hint for him to speak up. With a deep breath, he prepares himself to tell her how he’s felt for quite some time, and it’s pretty nerve-wracking. “Gem, I know you probably don’t want to hear this because Y/N is your best friend and all… but I like her a lot. I have for a really long time now but was always too terrified to let her know that, and now that something has actually happened between us; I-I just can’t stop thinking about it. I’m sorry if that makes you uncomfortable, but it’s how I feel and-.”
“I get it, Harry,” she cuts him off, and sends him a small smile. “I can tell how much her not responding has been bugging you with how much you’ve been sulking around, and not really doing much… This is all very weird. That’s for sure. But who am I to stand between my best friend and brother if they really do have such significant feelings for each other?”
“Do you mean that?”
“I do,” she says with a sigh. “Now, I wouldn’t be offering to take you over to her apartment, so she’s basically forced to talk with you if I wasn’t. So, are you coming or not?”
“Yeah, I’ll go,” he replies with a chuckle, moving around the counter to pull his sister into a little sideways hug. “Thanks, Gem.”
“Don’t thank me yet, you still have to win over your girl.”
Their drive to your apartment is filled with conversation about just how long Harry’s felt this way about you. He explains how he doesn’t even know when he started liking you as more than a friend, but how it’s always been something that was there. He has no issue in telling his sister his favourite things about you, including the little things that just simply have had him wrapped around your finger for years now, but neither of you had bothered to notice.
Gemma can’t help but feel happy for her brother as he goes off about this incredible girl who just so happens to be one of her favourite people on this entire planet. As your best friend she’s always felt protective over who you had relationships with because no one was ever good enough for you in her eyes, but with Harry now stepping up to make that type of effort; it’s just different… a good different, and it makes her smile hearing how much admiration he truly has for you. Once he’s done rambling, she glances at him sideways and smirks to herself. “You love her, don’t you?”
With a deep breath and the pushing of his hand through his hair as he realizes they’re pulling up to your apartment building, Harry can’t help but smile at the thought. “I think I might.”
The two park the car and are soon making way up to your apartment. Much to Harry’s dismay, Gemma doesn’t listen when he suggests just knocking on your door to get your attention and decides to use the key you had given her to just barge on in instead. He doesn’t see your reaction to his and his sister’s sudden appearance, but with the loud thud that sounds from what he assumes is you falling to the ground; he knows they’ve caught you off guard.
He stays back a bit as he watches Gemma help you up from the ground, and observes as two of the most important women in his life interact – happy to see them talking again, but insanely nervous because soon enough he’ll have to speak up. His heart is fluttering like crazy just by being near you again, and as much as he wants to be upset with you for ignoring him; he instantly feels himself melt as soon as your gaze meets his.
“Oh fuck, H,” your voice croaks out before being overwhelmed by an intense coughing fit. He hates seeing you like this and wants nothing more than to pull you against his chest and rub your back until the coughs subside, but knows he shouldn’t.
With a shake of his head, he steps forward and expresses his concern. “Y/N, please tell me you’ve gone to the doctor.”
Before you can answer, Gemma speaks up, and the two of you soon discuss what happened on Christmas Eve. Harry observes as you apologize to his sister, and feels himself relax slightly as it seems you’re not regretful of what had happened between you and him.
“Can’t say I’m the biggest fan of my best friend and brother being all over each other like the way you two were, but I can say that you two are each one of the few people I think are actually good enough for the other. Y/N, as weird as it is to even think about – you’re one of the best people I could ever imagine my little brother with; and Harry, you’ve got some work to do, but Y/N can help you get to her level,” Gem explains, and Harry scoffs.
“Thanks?” He mutters, but can’t help the stupid grin that’s stretching across his face because his sister's approval means more to him than she’ll ever know it does. He knows the weight that feels as if it’s been lifted from his chest is what you’re feeling as well, and sends you a knowing look before the two of you move in to engulf Gemma in a group hug against her will.
Once the eldest Styles has squirmed her way out of your joint hold on her, she mentions how she needs to head out, and soon departs; leaving the two of you alone.
As soon as she’s out the door, you turn to face the Rockstar, and he awkwardly glances to the ground; not knowing how to approach the situation between the two of you. “H, I was so caught up in worrying about your mum and Gemma I didn’t even consider your feelings in all of this, and I know I’ve said it a lot lately… but I’m especially sorry for how I just left after well, we kissed and-.”
“S’alright Y/N,” he chuckles at your rambling. He steps towards you and feels those damn butterflies in his stomach again, mentally cursing himself for feeling so soft. “I’ve never had a girl walk out on me like that before.”
“Is that supposed to sound appealing to me?” You scoff dramatically.
“No, I guess not,” he continues laughing, and you let out a huff. “But m’sorry as well because I never told you how I felt about you sooner. It’s been for quite some time now, I’ve just been too much of a coward to do anything about it. S’a bit intimidating having feelings for someone who is not only your sister’s best friend but also one of your own. Not necessarily an easy thing to discuss.”
“We could always start talking about it slowly?” You suggest and smile at him shyly. “Could watch a movie and see where the evening takes us?”
He smirks smugly but slowly nods in agreement; feeling a great sense of deja vu at the idea. “I’d like that.”
With broad smiles, the two of you make way to the couch and bundle up again… together. Once you’re both comfy and all cuddled against the other, you glance up at him and speak again. “It’s your turn to pick the movie.”
He tugs his bottom lip between his teeth as he gazes down at you, wanting nothing more than to crash his lips against yours again as he takes in the way you gaze up at him affectionately. “Let’s watch Shrek. I’ve had a song from that movie stuck in my head for a while now,” he proposes and wraps an arm around your waist, so you’re snuggled up against him even more. With a small smile, you nod before unexpectedly reaching behind his neck to pull him in for a sudden deep kiss.
The action catches him off guard, but he responds instantly by leaning back against the armrest and pulling you with him; firmly gripping your waist so that you remain on top of him as you moan against his lips seductively.
Maybe you two won’t be watching Shrek after all.
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Can you explain why LGBT representation is so important and why Voltron's negative portrayal of LGBT characters/rep should be scorned as harshly as it has been? I'm trying to prove a point to a friend and they don't get why representation has to be as important as we're making it.
Oh, this is a huge topic, and one I’m not sure I could do justice to, all by myself. Given that, this time I’ll let people speak for themselves. Anyone else reading (and I know a whole lot of you are out there) who’ve valued representation – regardless as to whether you relate to the character as a lived experience – feel free to add your thoughts, or links to any other articles, podcasts, or videos you’re recommend.
Fabricio Leal Cogo, Why Queer Representation Matters
I remember growing up here in Brazil and not seeing anyone like me portrayed on TV—or at least, not anyone with a similarly complex inner life. The few times I saw gays on TV, they were always a punchline in a comedy—a source of laughter. Many people, I’m sure, are probably thinking: It’s just a joke, right?
But representation matters.
It’s impossible to overstate the power of being able to identify with a public figure, particularly when that figure is actually seen in the fullest sense. As Michael Morgan, a former professor emeritus at the University of Massachusetts at Amherst and a researcher on media effects, told the Huffington Post earlier this year, “When you don’t see people like yourself, the message is: You’re invisible. The message is: You don’t count. And the message is: ‘There’s something wrong with me.’” He continued: “Over and over and over, week after week, month after month, year after year, it sends a very clear message, not only to members of those groups, but to members of other groups, as well.”
Uma Dodd, Queerbaiting And The Issue Of LGBT Representation In The Media:
Of the 125 movies released by major US studios in 2016, the media monitoring organisation GLAAD found that only 23 (18.4%) contained characters who identified as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or queer – an increase of less than 1% from the previous year. … It’s insulting, and often quite disheartening, to be told that you’re only worth the three lines of dialogue and five minutes of screen time that the one LGBT character in a film might have, just because of your sexuality or gender.
Queerbaiting relies solely on subtext and the subsequent interpretation of it by fans, and as a result, creates the perfect paradox: writers are able to attract an LGBT audience with vague promises of representation, implied by the text and often encouraged by the writer, but will then never actually confirm or explicitly show said representation, reducing the amount of effort that has to be put in on their part.
You may say that I’m blowing this issue out of proportion, but that too, is a part of the problem. Because queerbaiting is based on purely subtextual hints, any evidence of it, no matter how blatant it might seem to the viewer/reader, is often insubstantial and difficult to quantify. This allows writers and cast members to dismiss the anger of LGBT fans as simple overreaction and, as a result, makes any legitimate pleas for better representation easier to ignore.
Another by-product that has resulted out of increasing calls for better LGBT representation is implied representation. This is where writers will claim that a character is LGBT but never explicitly show this within the TV show, film, or novel. This is a method which has been employed by many creators of famous franchises, and it allows them to insert that token bit of representation which makes them look good, without ever actually providing said representation explicitly … Not only does this result in LGBT characters, once again, being shoved into the background – and often killed off for shock value – it raises the question: is this kind of representation good enough?
…Whilst any representation of non-heteronormative characters is a good start, this way of representing us can’t be allowed to become the norm – we deserve to be explicitly shown in the media as much as anyone else does. We need better representation and we need to be shown that not all LGBT characters have to remain in the closet, because what kind of a message is that sending to those young people out there who are currently questioning their sexuality?
B. Whiteside, 6 Reasons It’s Important to Have LGBT Characters on Children’s TV Shows:
A recent study by the Williams Institute at UCLA revealed that nearly 6 million adults and children have an LGBT parent. There are more than 125,000 same-sex couple households with nearly 220,000 children under the age 18. These children go to school and are active members of their communities. Their identities and home life deserve to be portrayed and represented just as much as anyone else’s.
Being a child can be tough, especially when one can’t identify with anyone around them. There are children and young adults alike who identify as LGBT or have parents who do so. Having content that mirrors their lives can, in fact, save their own. It isn’t always easy for children to articulate what’s wrong or what they need. So it can be a tremendous help to see their favorite character in their same predicament live out their life and truth.
Aristeaus Sizer, We Need To Talk About LGBT Representation, Apparently:
…since Cinderella, there have been 11 Disney princesses. All of which have been heterosexual, and the majority of them married by the end of their film. There is no shortage of straight princesses in this world, so why would it be such a crime for one of them to be LGBTQ? If anyone is forcing any agenda down anybody’s throats, Mary, it is you and your heteronormative agenda.
As a heterosexual, and I don’t mean to patronise here it’s simply the truth, you cannot understand in full capacity how important representation is. Seeing yourself on screen in a genuine, non-caricature form is hugely validating. When I was a kid I thought being gay was like doing drugs, it was a fun choice you made when you wanted to spice things up, and that all came from the films I had seen and how sordid LGBTQ people were portrayed as being. Then, later on into my teenage years, I thought I’d never be able to show public displays of affection without violent repercussion. Again, this was because of the media I had consumed telling me this. Films and media may not dictate our personalities, but they tell us how much of it we should hide, and the implicit message when you have an entire franchise of heterosexuals is that anything other should be kept underground, out of sight.
…we’ve been everywhere for so long you’ve just never noticed. Primarily because every movie and every advert and every t.v show and every animated cartoon is packed to the brim with straight people. LGBTQ people deserve representation because there’s far more of us than you think. … To you, it’s just a gay Disney princess where there could have been another straight one, but to someone that princess is the validation they needed that they aren’t some abomination or sinful mistake. They’re valid, they’re wonderful, and they have every right to love and be loved.
Danielle Cox, The Importance of LGBT Representation in Media:
[In 2016, GLAAD’s annual] shows the highest percentage of LGBT characters on our televisions … [but] when more than twenty-five of those characters are killed off in the same year, we know there is still a lot of work to be done. In fact, GLAAD President and CEO Sarah Kate Ellis released a statement saying, “When the most repeated ending for a queer woman is violent death, producers must do better to question the reason for a character’s demise and what they are really communicating to the audience.” When this ending is repeated in show after show and character after character, we can’t help but think the message they are sending is about the worth of our LGBT characters or rather lack thereof.
James Dawson, The importance of LGBT visibility in children’s books:
I was unaware gay people even existed and, when puberty hit, found myself more than a little lost. I so dearly wish there had been just one book with a character who was a bit like me – just a normal teenage guy who happened to be gay. I would have especially loved one whose sexuality did not define him.
I just know that had there been a diverse range of people like me in books when I was growing up, I wouldn’t have felt abnormal for all those years, which I see now, overwhelmingly, I am not. In 2014, it’s my hope that all young LGBT people can see themselves in fiction and recognise there is a place for them in the world.
Palmer Haasch, “Yuri!!! On Ice” and the importance of positive LGBTQ representation:
Despite my resigned certainty that I was about to be drawn in by the potential of a queer relationship only to be disappointed for the umpteenth time, Yuri!!! On Ice managed to exceed all of my expectations. In the end, the show delivered a thoughtful portrayal of two men developing a deep and trusting romantic relationship that provides LGBTQ viewers with representation of queer individuals being happy together above all else, which is something that we desperately need.
For me, it was the first piece of entertainment media I had seen that didn’t present queer individuals as “other,” but allowed them to simply freely love and exist. While watching, I didn’t have to worry about whether Yuuri or Victor would be outed in an unsafe environment or if Yuuri was going to be unfairly judged on the ice because of his sexuality like so many real life figure skaters have feared in the past. Rather, I fretted over when they were finally going to kiss (because really, it was a long time coming) and if I was ever going to get to see the wedding that was hinted at by their matching gold rings.
Although it is true that the discrimination-free world of Yuri!!! On Ice isn’t realistic (yet), it can help reassure queer individuals like me that they can experience love in the same way as anyone else. At the same time, it provides a glimpse of a future where being queer doesn’t mean being “other”. And that notion is something that I will always work towards and protect.
Additional reading:
Why Visibility Matters
Make Them Gay: Why Queer Representation Matters
Why LGBT Representation Is Important In Media
We Need More Than Visibility
Why It’s Important To Make More Diverse LGBT Films
Queer Representation in the Media
Why Television Needs More LGBT Characters
Importance of LGBT Representation
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