#but the Funny People That I Like To Be Around are on the 4:30am one which is the silver lining for me
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I love you and I hate it
Summary: Bucky's your best friend, but you're in love with him. Now that he has a girlfriend, will you be able to get a handle on your feelings?
Pairing: Best Friend!Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader
Warnings: Bucky being a bit of an ass. Reader being dramatic. Angst. Language maybe. Minimal use of Y/N. My poor attempts at being funny.
Word Count: 2.7K
A/N: this is a two part because otherwise it was too long. Hope you like it! also, it's 4:30am and I can't help myself lol.
Masterlist
Loving your best friend is not something anyone ever plans. Getting those kinds of feelings for the person closest to you changes the way you look at them, the way you interact and essentially your relationship with them, making everything unnecessarily complicated.
At least that’s how you see it.
You definitely didn't think something like that could ever happen to you. But to be fair, you also never thought Bucky Barnes would ever become your best friend at the compound.
When you first arrived as the newest avengers recruit the brooding supersoldier was not your biggest fan. Things didn’t start on the best note for you two.
- 2 years ago -
Steve was showing you around the compound and introducing you to people and team members as you met them. You arrived at the common room where Bucky and Sam were watching Tv. "Hey guys. This is Y/N, the new recruit I told you about," Steve introduced you "this is Sam." he said to you as Sam got up from the couch putting out his hand.
"Nice to meet you." he said.
"You too," you said, shaking his hand "it’s so exciting to be here and meet all of you. You are all such remarkable people."
"Oh, complimenting me? I like you already." Sam said chuckling.
"Of course you do." Steve said, rolling his eyes with a smile, then turned to you "and this is Bucky" he said, pointing at the brunette still sitting on the couch.
"Hi Bucky, it’s nice to meet you too." you said, getting closer to him and holding out your hand for him to shake. Bucky, however, just looked at you for a moment before standing up, turning away from you and walking out of the room without saying a word.
"Uh... did I do something wrong?" you asked, very much confused, still looking at the door Bucky just ran out of.
"No, it’s always him." said Sam.
"Sam, don’t." Steve told him, then turned to you again "don’t mind Bucky, he’s not good with new people. It’s nothing personal, he’ll get used to it, don’t worry."
"Right. He’ll get used to me." you said as he gave you an apologetic look "yeah… anyway, let’s finish the tour."
"Sure, bye Sam. See you around, I guess." you told Sam with a smile.
"Yeah, see you guys at dinner." and with that you left to finish the tour of the compound that ultimately ended with your assigned room.
"So this is your room, Natasha has the room on the right and Sam has the one on the left." he pointed at them as he talked and then pointed at the room across from yours "that's Bucky, to his right is Peter and mine is to his left."
"A lot of neighbors, got it." you said chuckling with Steve.
"Yeah. So I’ll let you get settled and I’ll see you at dinner with the team." he said.
"Yeah, see you later."
If you were honest with yourself, you were a little disappointed at how meeting Bucky went, you were really looking forward to meeting the super soldier.
While all the other girls were busy crushin on Captain America, you always felt more attracted to Sergeant Barnes.
Something about him just made you curious, and, after all the Winter Soldier stuff came to light, you were one of the few people that saw right away that Bucky was a victim.
You never did understand how people could read all the details of what happened to him and still call him a monster, like it was his fault that he was captured, tortured and made to do things no decent human being would ever do.
In fact, you got in trouble more than one time for fighting when things escalated while you were defending the super soldier from agents that didn’t see it like you.
It’s really a shame that a lot of agents of Shield itself thought so ill of the Sergeant. Maybe that’s why he didn’t like you, maybe he thought you were one of them.
You had to make sure he knew you weren’t.
Having made up your mind, you decided there was no better time like the present. You crossed the hall and knocked on his door, and after a few moments he opened.
"I know, Steve, don-" he interrupted himself the second he laid eyes on you.
"Sorry, not Steve. Clearly. I’m sorry to bother you, Sergeant Barnes, I just wanted to let you know that I don’t have anything against you. I know some agents feel like you should be held accountable for the things you were forced to do, and they’re not really afraid to get vocal about it, but I’m not one of them. I don’t think any of it was your fault. It may not matter much to you, after all you don’t seem to like me very much, but it’s important to me that you know this. You’re kind of my hero." you finished, a little embarrassed at admitting this to his face. He looked at you for a few moments and, just as you thought he was about to slam the door in your face, he grinned.
"I’m your hero, doll?" he asked, leaning on the door frame with his arms crossed in a way that made his biceps look huge and a smirk on his face.
After that you and Bucky became quick friends, spending more and more time together. Missions, training, down time, you were practically attached at the hip.
You were always careful not to let any feelings grow other than friendship and, mostly, it was easy.
There were some times where you somehow ended up flirting, but they were fleeting moments that passed as quickly as they came, and you decided, for your own peace of mind, to not overthink them and let it go every time.
Now, back to the present, the reason why you’re lost in your thoughts and feelings for Bucky.
You’re watching from a distance as Bucky smiles and laughs, happier than you’ve ever seen him surrounded by his friends, more relaxed than he’s ever been during a party.
You smile at his happiness, glad that he’s finally comfortable around pretty much everybody, but your face falls pretty fast as you see him wrap his right arm around her.
You’ve known Sharon for a while now, she was one of the agents in the list for the spot in the Avengers before you got it. You always felt like she resented you for it, like she should’ve been the one to get it because she was already close with some of the members of the team.
She was never openly hostile with you, but you did notice her hanging around Bucky more and more in the last few months. You didn’t think anything of it, but you were proved wrong just half an hour ago when Bucky started to introduce her to the avengers she didn’t already know as his girlfriend.
As soon as that word came out of his mouth, so casually you’d think he'd been saying it his whole life, you felt like you were gonna throw up.
It took all your skills to keep your face as neutral as possible, you felt like Sharon’s eyes were on you the whole time, trying to see every micro expression she could find to know what you were thinking.
But you were probably just imagining that, right?
You excused yourself as soon as you could and went straight to the bar to get the strongest drink Nat could make, which she handed to you with a knowing look while glancing behind you.
You barely had time to think before you felt his hand on your shoulder, feeling his body next to you but you didn't turn to look at him, taking a sip of your drink instead.
"Hey, doll, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Sharon before, it’s still pretty new."
You tried to keep your voice as cheery as you normally would around him. "Why would you? It’s your relationship, why are you apologizing?"
He gave you a weird look you'd never seen before, before saying "Because we’re best friends? We usually tell each other everything… right?" he sounded a bit uncertain.
"Yeah, right, duh." you said, trying to give a genuine laugh "Well, it’s alright anyway, now I know! Stop worrying, just go be with her."
He looked around your face for a few more moments, like he was looking for something, before he said "ok, then." and left.
You managed to keep the smile on your face until you were sure he was gone, but dropped it as soon as you looked back ahead of you.
Taking another sip of your drink and making a face at how much alcohol was actually in it, you looked at Nat and, nodding, you left before she could comment on the scene you’re sure she just watched in its entirety.
So here you are now, in a corner watching people enjoy themselves, just like you used to do at parties with Bucky by your side, except you’re alone.
You try to look on the bright side, you really are, but you can find none.
You can't talk about it with anyone either since nobody knows about your feelings for the super soldier, except for Natasha who always seems to know everything, but you aren't too close with her and neither of you ever actually spoke about it out loud.
Not that you would've, you aren't the most outgoing person, usually keeping your feelings and most of your thoughts to yourself, with the exception of Bucky.
With him talking seems like the easiest thing in the world, it doesn't matter about what. He knows almost everything that he could possibly know about you, the only thing that you could never bring yourself to talk about is your feelings for him.
You feel a hand in the low of your back and, just as you're bringing your fist up, you realize it's just Steve. "Easy there, tiger." he chuckled, lowering your arm for you. "You seem a little on edge. Everything okay?"
"Everything’s just fine, Captain. You can salute your way to someone else now." His laugh makes you smile against your will.
"Okay, rookie, you don’t wanna talk about it." you roll your eyes at the old nickname, but he keep going, "you know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you at a party without your moping buddy."
You glance at Bucky, who's busy laughing it up with Clint and Laura, his arm still around Sharon. Your eyes find Steve’s again, and you simply shrug. "We’re allowed to do our own thing, aren’t we?"
"Of course you are... I was just wondering why you weren’t with him, that’s all."
You avoid his eyes while you quietly say, "he already has someone at his side tonight, doesn’t need me there."
"What’s that supposed to mean?" comes a voice from behind you.
Damn. The one moment you weren’t looking at him and he sneaks up on you.
You turn around and see him standing there, arms crossed in front of his chest, Sharon at his side with a smug look on her face that you convince yourself you’re just imagining.
"What’s what supposed to mean?" You try playing dumb, but you know Bucky can see right through that.
He raises an eyebrow at you expectantly but when you just shrug and give him your best confused look, he sighs and looks at Sharon. "Hey babe, can you get me a scotch from the bar? I’ll meet you there."
You don't know if you're more hurt at him calling her that or relieved at the fact that he didn’t use the nickname that was usually reserved for you.
She just nods and, without taking her eyes off of you, gives him a kiss on the lips. Okay, you definitely didn’t imagine that. As soon as she’s far enough, Bucky turns back to you.
"What’s wrong with you tonight?" He asks sharply.
"Excuse me? Who said there was something wrong with me?" You say defensively.
"Oh come on doll, you’ve been weird ever since Sharon got here. What’s the matter, do you not like her or something?"
You don't know what to say. You certainly aren't about to tell your best friend that the reason you don’t like his new girlfriend is because you have feelings for him. That’s not gonna end well for anybody. So you decide to just keep on denying.
"I don’t know what you’re talking about, Bucky, so why don’t you just go after you little girlfriend and enjoy your night with her."
"That, right there." he points at your face in a very accusatory manner. "What the fuck was that?"
"What was what?" you’re starting to raise your voice a little and swatting at his hand, getting annoyed at him for not letting this go.
"You’re being a jerk about Sharon, what is your problem with her?"
"I don’t have a problem with her!"
"Yes, you do!"
"Why are you trying to make this into a problem?!"
"Because I know you!" At this point you're both yelling.
"Well, clearly, you don’t know me as well as you think you do!" Lie.
"Why do you have to be so stubborn?! Just tell me what the hell is your problem!"
"Why do you care so much? Even if I had a problem, it’s my business, it’s not like I’m your girlfriend!" Bucky just looks at you with a face you’d never seen on him before and you can't decipher.
The whole room seems to go quiet as you two just look at each other for a few moments, then Bucky finally speaks.
"You’re right." he says, in a much quieter voice than a second before -you’re not my girlfriend. I just thought you were my friend. Guess I was wrong. I’ll go after my little girlfriend now."
You can't find it in you to say anything and, when you just look at him, he scoffs and turns around to make his way to the bar.
Slowly it feels like everyone else starts to go back to what they were doing before your yelling match stopped the party in its tracks, but you feel like you can't breath, let alone move, as you watch the spot where Bucky was standing just moments ago, tears starting to form in your eyes.
You can’t believe that just happened. Did Bucky really just say you aren’t his friend?
A hand on your shoulder brings you back to reality and you hear Steve saying "are you okay?" from next to you.
In all honesty, you forgot he was even there.
All that comes out of you is a broken sob before you turn around and make a run for the elevator, as fast as you can run in heels and a floor-length cocktail dress.
Steve runs after you, but there are too many people around that slow him down, and by the time he gets to the elevator the doors had just closed.
He waits to see where you would stop, assuming your shared floor but you never know. His eyebrows furrow in confusion and he pushes the button of the elevator, glad that he waited a second more.
When he gets to the roof it's so dark outside that it takes a second before he find you, and once he does he slowly gets close to you.
What he was not expecting was to find you sitting on the ground, hugging your knees and crying.
Steve sits down next to you and puts his arm around your shoulders wordlessly while you cry.
After you calmed down a bit he says "He’s really worried about you, Y/N. If there’s something going on, you should just tell him. He’ll understand…"
You think about it for a few minutes while you find a way to tell Steve what's going on.
"How do you tell someone that the reason you’re sad is because you love them?" you say with tears starting to form again in your eyes.
Steve can only stare at you, at a loss for words.
You hear something behind you and when you turn you see Bucky’s back, walking towards the elevator.
It doesn’t matter how long he was there for, he obviously heard you.
You look back at Steve that has an apologetic look on his face, confirming your fear. Damn super soldier hearing.
Well, it looks like your friendship with Bucky is officially dead.
Part 2
#bucky barnes#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x female reader#bucky barnes fanfiction#bucky barnes x you#bucky barnes x y/n#bucky barnes imagine#sebastian stan#marvel fanfiction#bucky x reader#bucky x you#james bucky barnes#bucky barnes x f!reader#avengers x reader#avengers x platonic reader#avengers x platonic!reader#steve rogers x platonic!reader#steve rogers#sharon carter#sam wilson#natasha romanoff
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Observing John Adams.
yoyo this is for my amrev/1776 followers bc i've fallen off the tracks and i felt like writing tumblr fanfic at 4:30am on a school night
getting less than 3 hours of sleep >>>
Ben observes more than people think. Of course, being an innovator, a scientist, you need to observe. And he does. He just observes more than graphs and scientifical combinations. He observes people. Not just women, but also people like John Adams.
Grim, and dark, and black-haired, the man is like a raven. And that's what he is. Ben finds it funny. A squawking raven in Congress, loud and clear. Always on the move. Flapping its wings everywhere and never letting up because why would it? Why would it stop when there's so much to do?
At least, that's what Ben thinks as he watches John. They had to share a bed, and he was going to make the most of it by telling John all about his scientific notes about air and weather and hot and cold. Besides, opening the window was a better idea. But at some point during, John fell asleep. John always fell asleep during his nighttime rants. Ben didn't blame him, really: as much as he wanted to he knows he would've too. He knows. And he knows that John should stop, should take a break, should sleep. Should just stop moving.
But that's not in the Adams blood. To stop. No. John is a non-stop, moving force, always full of adrenaline and shouting and making motions. He can't stop, because he won't. Because there's so much more to do than what a day can offer, or a night for that matter. Because he has to move. If he stops, then what is he doing? He's never still. Always kinetic energy bounding across the room and zipping and flapping his lips as if everyone is paying attention. And almost nobody is half the time--but Ben, but Dickinson, but occasionally Tom. So he continues. He continues because he wants to. Has to. Needs to.
Ben looks up at the ceiling.
He's the same, actually. He'll admit.
Ben isn't always constant. He isn't. He takes his naps and he takes his breaks, but he can be a moving force when he wants. And that is the difference between them; Ben is a mover when he wants, John moves because he has to. It's not productive to stop for too long, it's not productive to take long naps, so in John's mind he needs to do something to be useful.
Ben would rather sleep like an old cat in Congress. But he has his moments too, when his brain is electric with thoughts and wonders and observations. Would it be too hot to make this? Or would it be too stale in the air for this to work? Or this? Or this? He has those moments. But it's expected from him--he does science, and John doesn't. He makes things, and John doesn't. Well, John does, but in a different way.
He looks at John again.
He also knows the man's lack of war experience eats at him like a spider to a bug.
Benjamin knows that John will always wonder why he wasn't asked. Why he wasn't asked to volunteer for the war. He'll wonder that all the way until he's Ben's age and older, with (admittedly) half as many diseases, with glasses and white stringy hair. A cane, maybe. It'd be a funny picture. The always-on-the-move John Adams, limping on a cane. Ben knows that's one of the things John can't live with. Not being useful in all ways. He'll always wonder: was he unavailable? Did he not fit the bill? Was he too short? Too tall? Too weak? John isn't weak, but he's not a unit either.
But personally, Ben doesn't think it's as important, really. All men around John's age and younger believe war experience and military service is the most important thing, above all else. Above education, above wealth, above family and other achievements. And maybe it is. To them, at least. In their age. Ben can't be bothered. He has gout as well. He'd be shot in an instant, maybe eaten if the Redcoats ran out of food.
He can tell John will always think of it, and he can tell John will not stop thinking of it. So he turns, slightly, to the man.
"John." he lightly pokes him. "John."
John Adams rolls over, squinting. It's dark. Truthfully Ben can barely see him; he doesn't have his glasses on. "What, Franklin?"
"Do you ever wonder where you'd be if you had war experience?"
John rolls his eyes. Or Ben thinks he does. Again, he can't really see him. "No. Now let me go back to sleep, and you, sleep in the first place, Franklin," then he rolls back over and is likely asleep the second he's facing the wall again.
Ben looks up at the ceiling. He can tell a lie when he hears one. He knows exactly what a lie is like from the man's mouth, and he'd just heard one. John isn't as fooling as he thinks. But he won't bring it up again, because he knows John wants to sleep. And maybe he should too. He can bring it up later, when they're energized and John is moving like lightning around the Congress room. Or maybe when there's a dull in conversation. Maybe then. And he thinks for a minute, because it's still hot, even with the window open.
Could he construct something that cools the air down, by rotation? Like the wheel, but better. Not wood. Steel perhaps? Could he construct something that rotates the air and in turn cycles it, cooling someone down with the air repeatedly hitting them, like a version of the wheel but for air? Like a windmill. But smaller. More compact, made for everyday use, or special occasions.
He spares one last look at John. Still. Dark. Grim. A sleeping raven. This is rare, to see him so... still. Less motion. And Ben is glad, because his friend needs it.
Until the morning, where John is insistently poking him awake.
"Franklin, Franklin, get up Franklin, I'm not letting you oversleep."
And then maybe he wishes John could fly out the window for an hour longer.
#Benjamin Franklin#John Adams#...so how'd you like it#1776 film#1776#1776 movie#jfc there's so many 1776 tags#the one bed trope story was too good to pass up on#lowkey dont remember if the window was open or not#we'll say it was#1776 musical#ofc couldnt forget that one could we#bros being bros#because... they're bros#fanfic#amrev#because ofc this is also the amrev if you couldnt tell
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Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job #37: “Brothers Cinco” | April 6, 2009 - 12:30AM | S04E09
Tim and Eric’s “Chalet 2000”. Their “Ronny Horror Picture Show”. Their “Went With the Wind” (syndicated half-hour version only). Uh, their, uh actually SCTV has a few and I don’t wanna pick one. Anyway, I got some ’rrhea and spent about 40 minutes shidding before getting around to this write-up so hopefully losing all of my precious brown fluids doesn't give me brain fog. I hope I don’t have to do any more big brown squirts.
This is a fairly special one. This is the first (and only?) episode to be just one single story. The Anniversary episode from season one and the Tairy Greene Machine episode from season five are the next closest ones I can think of, but they still contain sketches that you could enjoy without the context of the wraparound. This more-or-less feels like a pilot for Tim and Eric Bedtime Stories. It’s also a cinematic widescreen episode, but it’s only available in 4:3, letterboxed.
The episode is about the titular Cinco brothers, played by Tim & Eric. These are the men behind Cinco, the company what makes all the funny stuff we’ve seen throughout the series. They’ve made quite a splash in the business world. Even Tom Leykis respects them. Tom Leykis is the radio DJ in the episode. He’s sorta famous for being a shock jock. He’s more-or-less a liberal but he also likes being a rude sexist. He is my hero. Anyway: the story is pretty simple: Cinco Bro Eric (I forget their fictional first names, so I’m just gonna call them Tim & Eric) is accused of murdering his own wife. Tim has big plans to use their new Cinco E-Trial software that proclaims to offer a legally binding trial through the magic of CD-ROM.
The trial, of course, yields a guilty verdict, because Eric IS guilty. A bunch of cops bust through the Cinco Bros’ door and arrest him on the spot. In prison, Tim confesses to Eric that he set him up to fail. He overheard him plotting with his wife. Their plan? Eric tells his wife that he’s going to kill her, and while his brother is stricken with grief Eric will steal the company from him. His wife is completely nonplussed by this and agrees that it “sounds great, babe”, evilly laughing along with her husband.
This is such an aggressively stupid joke that I love it. Like, the idea of Eric killing his wife and her just going along with it is funny, and it’s at least a little satirical. The episode is meant to be, at least in part, a satire of movies about powerful/toxic men where women are disposable. Here they are so disposable, they just allow their husbands to kill them just to be supportive of their fella. But also; the non-specificness of how Eric will steal the company. They could've written it in a way that the plan at least makes sense and retain the satire, but they don't. Tim and Eric is truly comedy jazz, as it's about the jokes they don't play.
There is a sequence in this where the Cinco Boys are out partying at various stripper/drug-doing clubs, and Eric starts getting despondent, and as he spirals he just starts babbling about how he killed his wife. He and Tim happen to have a prostitute with them, and they unceremoniously murder her and then brashly yuck it up in a diner about how much of her blood is still on them. The diner scene is wonderful, their acting is weird and sorta good. They strike an impressive balance between being believable and absolutely not believable. It’s an uncanniness that most people can’t hang with. I think this is an essential component to being a Tim and Eric liker.
Anyway, the party scene preceding the diner scene seems like it’s a first draft for the Billion Dollar Movie sequence, which is much funnier. I guess you can’t do a dick piercing on the Cartoon Network.
Keep an eye out for some Tim & Eric cameos in avatar form. When Eric picks his virtual jury, you’ll spot some regular faces. A nice nod to the fans (me!). Also, because this is the paragraph where I just say random things about the episode that don’t have to do with the story: the house Tim and Eric are in (with the car-themed loveseat) is a regular location used by David DeCoteau, one of the most prolific schlock makers out there. He went from making X-rated movies in the 80s (BOTH kinds, hubba hubba!) to sleazy “USA Up All Night” fare to now, where he trades off making not-even-softcore movies where beautiful young men wrestle around shirtless and children’s movies where the plot is an animal can talk and it’s voiced by Eric Roberts, who sounds like he’s recording his lines on his iPhone. Some friends and I spotted this room in A Talking Cat?!? And we struggled to remember where we saw it first. It was this!
Anyway, I love this episode and think it’s great, even though Tim is doing a SICKENING anti-semitic character with a big prosthetic nose. HBO I implore you, pull this episode NOW. Jews are under attack now more than ever.
MAIL BAG
In reference to shake like me:
WHEN DO THE SIMPSONS COME ON???
They're on right now. They're probably on the freakin' M*A*S*H Channel
touching tribute to the obviously racist episode shake like me
I swear to god, I meant to expound on the idea that in 2009 television writers (in mostly/all-white writers rooms) thought racism was officially solved because America got directed by Obama (who I guess died earlier today) for a couple seasons and went on rehashing actual racist jokes thinking they could now be passed off as absurdism. I'm not saying this as a defense, I just remember being a white dude and basically believing that same thing. It's the same reasons jokes about limousines were also suddenly okay.
Watching all these shitty Season 4 episodes really makes me appreciate stuff like Gravy Robbers again.
I genuinely think season four is at least as good as season two OKAY?? FUCK to you, pal
I usually put the EPHEMERA CORNER above the mail bag, but sometimes it accidentally causes stuff to get deleted, so I am putting it here:
EPHEMERA CORNER
POSSIBLE EPILEPSY WARNING?? MAYBE???
youtube
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Starfield: The game that didn't learn gaming's past failures.
It was 2016 when I first sat on the couch in my first apartment with my then girlfriend to sit down and enjoy a Bethesda title Fallout 4. Now, I had played Skyrim on its original release on Playstation 3. Unfortunately, I was more of an outside kid skateboarding, playing other sports, and generally getting into a whole bunch of shenanigans around town. So Skyrim wasn't really on my list of top things to go out and do.
Playing Fallout 4 seemed so fresh and exciting. Seamlessly going from one outpost to another killing and stealing my way through, I was addicted. Every day, I'd come home and want to play it even though there wasn't really much else to do in the harsh winters of Buffalo, NY. I didn't want to leave the one bedroom cubby I lived in in order to play more and more. I did almost every side quest, every main mission, and talked to each individual I could. Beat it with several play through until later that year when a new game came out.
No Mans Sky was released with more anticipation than any other game in history at the time. I had people who didn't play any video games come over to just watch me play it because they heard how epic it was supposed to be. I went to my local Walmart at 11:55pm and got the physical copy and was playing it by 12:30am as it was installing I started to pace around thr room I couldn't stay still I started cleaning up the house just so time didn't feel so slow.
Finally, it launched. The main loading screen buzzed by me with stars that had yet to be discovered and named the music hummed in, and I could feel the goosebumps on my arm start to burst. I loaded in the game, and I loved my first few hours, fixing the ship and getting basic resources together so I could fly from planet to planet without a single loading screen. Even going from Star System to Star System didn't even feel like it was loading because they made it look like you were just jumping lightspeed to another system.
However, the more I played, the more it became apparent that this game had nothing of pure substance. The lies, the false promises that the developers Hello Games made before its launch were staring me in the face. There were no factions, there was no base building, there was no grand space war the "mysteries" were nothing but going to obelisks and deciphering words on a tablet that were pass fail that also ended up pointless and there was no actual progression.
There was nothing keeping me playing the game, no hook, no intrigue. It was an ocean as deep as a puddle. Once you had been to one of every type of planet, you had seen what the game was offering. Procedurally generated worlds are cool, and 16 quintillion plantes are cool. But since there wasn't a single thing that was hand crafted, since there wasn't a story or naritive pushing me through the game, there was really no reason to keep playing after 20 or so hours.
Now, this being the year of our Lord 2023 No Mans Sky is extremely improved upon the game is "fixed." I wouldn't say it lives up to its pre-released hype, but none the less it is much much improved.
Some time after that, Cyberpunk 2077 would be released with even more hype than NMS. They had BIG actors playing BIG roles in the game. It was supposed to be a perfect rendition of a dystpion future where you play as V a antihero that has Reanu Keves riding shotgun on your bloodthirsty rampage through night city.
Aaaaaaand then it released. Broken, unfinished, glitchy as all hell. I ran my way through the game with a level 1 revolver that did fifteen thousand damage. I three shot the final boss of the game only because he has nessicary animations he has to get through. The dialog and writing of the game were sub-par, and it was a total drag listening to it was exhausting. The combat was atrocious, although it's funny that if you do a certain mission, you can get a vibrating dildo to beat people with.
Once again, just another over hyped game that upon release was just a splash in the pan. It's a game I just wanted to get through and not play, though, if that makes sense. (Except I couldn't actually complete the game because of a glitch that locks out the final mission in Arasaka Tower.)
Bring us to the present day 2023. So fuckin many great games have been released. Baldurs Gate 3, Armored Core 6, Zelda TOTK, Diablo IV , Jedi Survivor and Remanant 2. All of these games are great at something and here comes Starfield.
Another insanely hyped up game now an Xbox exclusive. Promising endless exploration, a main story so original you won't know what hits you side quests and character interactions that were both fun and not chalk full of those pesky fetch quests. I was extremely skeptical. I knew that it wasn't going to be as good as they said, but I still wanted to give it a chance.
It was a day or so after Starfield came out for early access when I finally saw some game play. I'll be honest, i I was enamored with the gamer itch "I NEED TO PLAY THIS." So I stomached up the 100 or so dollars and got to downloading. It took 5ish hours for it to download because Microsoft servers are awful. I finally get in, and I'm floored with boredom.
The first few main quests aren't great. The hook is weak and not very interesting. Sure it's cool that magic sheet metal is giving me some kind of futuristic visions and that I'm not the "chosen one" just some guy in the right place at the right time to obtain these powers.
Then the guy you're digging this sheet metal out for comes by gives you a ship, and you're on your way. He just tells you to go see his buddies in the big city. Don't worry, they're not they aren't dangerous. The game opens up for you fully without any limitations. Except for how far you can travel on one tank of gas. No, you don't have to refill it. You just can only go so far to a star system and then go back to the map and click on where you want to go again. Redundant.
Oh, you wanted to go to that system? Loading screen. You wanted to go on to the planet? Loading screen. Wanted to get up from your cockpit and onto the planets surface? Loading screen. Do you want to just walk into a shop? Loading screen. Oops, you walked into the wrong shop? Loading screen. Loading screens Loading screens. I counted in one single 4 hour session. I hit 137 loading screens. That's 34 loading screens per hour. That's far from seamless and far from "free exploration." You can't even fly your ship on the planets. Only in space.
Speaking of exploration, it's bad. Exploration isn't endless as eventually you'll hit an invisible wall after you hit off the same exact buildings that you saw on the previous 12 planets filled with nondescript "Spacers" or nondescript Ecliptic mercenaries. Anything cool is found in side quests not exploring. Exploration isn't rewarded by finding some secret thing. It's rewarded with more procedurally generated garbage that does nothing for you.
Oh boy, the dialog is so terrible. It's bad. It's unbelievably bad that conversations also feel like a drag to get through. The dialog options are so unbelievable that it's hard to pick an option in some places.
The combat is good. The guns feel snappy, and the impact is hard. But the grenades are completely pointless. Level 22 enemies getting hit with an explosion tickles them, and they keep shooting.
The stat system is good it could use some more user support and a better explanation. Lockpicking is good and the best system so far that I've seen for that "mini game/skill".
The bugs in this game aren't terrible. They are manageable sometimes it's funny, but I haven't seen any game breaking bugs that lock you out of missions, although some people have reported that.
So you might be wondering. Why did I bring up Cyberpunk, Fallout 4, and No Mans Sky? Because I feel that Starfield falls somewhere in the middle of all these. It's Fallout 4 but bigger. Nothing really changed here. There hasn't really been an expansion on the made on the mechanics other than through gun recoil and skill progression. Mainly because they share the exact same game engine.
The freedom and ease of traversal in No Mans Sky is light-years beyond what Starfield has currently. The constant need to load every little thing is a big problem. Although SSD's make it load up in seconds, it's still a loading screen and that kills player immersion.
Where Starfield is better is that there is actually content. There's so much content people who love this game will be playing it for months if not years trying to do everything the game has to offer. I just don't think I'll be one of those people.
They took the worst of No Man's Skys boring, lifeless, procedurally generated planets and made them worse because of loading screens. And once again, there is no benefit for you exploring. You'll run into the same enemies with slight variations to the weapons they carry.
Cyberpunk 2077 being it's closest aligned game in terms of scope and futuristic drama. The dialog/writing and voice acting is much better than that of Starfield. Starfields main story has copied and pasted missions towards the middle and end. The relationship dialog you have with certain characters of Starfield is fucking atrocious. It's so bad you wouldn't see this on mid day soap operas.
Starfield was released in a better state than Cyberpunk. It's actually playable. Sure, bugs and glitches are something that plagues Bethesda titles. But this one in my own personal experiences wasn't so bad.
Overall, this game lands in the middle of the pack. It does somethings well, and other things not so much. It's an interesting game. It doesn't reinvent the Bethesda wheel. It's much too conservative and doesn't go outside its comfort zone. The side missions are stellar and unique, while the main story is a copy pasted mess that I just wanted to get through.
It's playable and less interesting than Cyberpunk. It has the same exact gameplay as Fallout 4 they improved on its foundation and slapped on a completely new coat of paint, and put an expansion on. But it's the same old house. Exploring is an unrewarded chore just as in No Mans Sky, but a multimillion dollar studio made it worse with loading screens and extreme limitations on where you can fly.
I put out my score of 7.2 for Starfield halfway through the game. But then I finished and was extremely disappointed. I wanted to score it better. But I just couldn't do it. It's just an okay game. If I were you and you wanted to buy the game, wait till it's on sale or get a game pass. It's worth it, honestly.
Now on to Lies of P!
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East Quebec: Côte Nord
Due to the 24-hour boat delay from Blanc-Sablon, I end up doing a beautiful hike along the Pioneer Footpath, a coastal trail between the villages, by walking around 4k from L'Anse au Clair towards Forteau and then back again (one-way between the villages is 15k which is too much for me). The sun ☀️ was finally shining so the cliffs, sea and icebergs 😍 looked even more magnificent! The iceberg that I had taken a picture of the day before (see previous post) had been shattered though into pieces, presumably because of the higher solar radiance. It shows how quickly nature can change!
In the afternoon, I dropped off my car at the ferry terminal so that I didn't need to be there at 3am to get the car loaded into the container, and instead could show up at 6.30 - a much more reasonable time! 🙃 I got a lift back to the hotel from two Welsh friends who recommended a cute café for dinner, so ended up having great conversations with them over tomato soup & a glass of wine 😃.
Next morning, we can finally walk onto the Bella, the Relais Nordik cargo ship that also functions as a cruise for tourists who want to see the villages that it stops at. I can't see my own car, but presume it's stacked somewhere in the containers! 🤞 There was as usual fog to start with, so we were treated on a slide presentation on the underwater life of the Fleuve Saint Laurent (we have here the 2nd largest shark in the world - the basking shark which only eats plankton), until a pod of 10 humpback whales was spotted so everyone rushed out to watch them. It wasn't very warm to sit outside for a long time, but the lounge area had big windows to spot icebergs, birds & two porpoises. 😊
In the afternoon, there was a brief stop at the village of La Tabatière, where, fully covered to defeat the black flies, I had a pretty view of the coastline. Thereafter, there was another presentation on local flora, including a tasting of labrador tea and local jams. And in the evening, I joined the Welsh for an elaborate lobster dinner... not too shabby this boat crossing! 😊
Although the chair in which I was huddled in my sleeping bag was very comfortable, I didn't sleep much, and when at 4:30am a new group of people boarded over a magnificent sunrise that was the end of it... after a refreshing shower and with a calm sea, it was however not a chore 😉 to sit for a few more hours in the lounge taking in the scenery until the boat would arrive at Kegashka, where the road starts again.
The offloading of cars, trailers, ATVs, kayaks, lawnmowers etc etc took ages so I waited 2 hours to finally see my car being craned down, but the time was spent chatting with the other passengers... it's funny that even after only a day it seems like the entire boat knows each other and people take selfies, exchange numbers and hug; Quebecois are very friendly!
This is the eastern terminus of route 138 which starts in Quebec City over a 1,000km away and which I'll need to drive in its entirety, so I better get going!😜 It was hot & humid though and I had trouble focusing on the (first 40k unpaved) road, so ended up laying down in the car for a bit at a pretty rest stop to recover some energy. In the evening, I walked along the promenade at Havre-Saint-Pierre, watching seals, terns and harbour porpoises go after their food (it was so quiet I could hear the porpoises breaching) until I got hungry myself and had a delicious fish dinner overlooking the sea... when I saw the Bella arrive... Walking back to the hotel I ran into the Welsh couple again, a small world!
Next morning, I'm up & ready at 7:45 with a cup of tea and lots of warm clothes for a 6-hour boat excursion to the eastern islands of the Mingan Archipelo national park. The islands are known for their rock monoliths that border their shores, and the first one, Île du Fantôme, didn't disappoint! The interpreter explained how they're formed and gave names to the various formations (like "the Sphynx" or "horse drinking water") but that often needed a healthy dose of imagination. 😉
The second island, Île Niapiskau, has a few impressive, larger monoliths that stand stark on the shore but also has some inland in between the trees, indicating that the sea level (responsible for the tidal erosion) used to be much higher when the land had not rebounded yet from the glacial retreat.
We stayed 2 hours on the final island, Île Quarry, where I walked via a detour along the coast to the monoliths rather than cutting directly through to the other side. The sun had come through and suddenly it was warm again! Beautiful cliffs & rock formations, the smell & sound of the sea... what else is there to say? 😊
This was a great trip and I recommend anyone to make the trek sometime to this remote part of the country (PS I believe all tours are in French so having a basic understanding is essential)!
Once back on shore, I made my way to Longue-Pointe-de-Mingan half an hour west, which acts as the base for exploring the western islands. Enroute, I visit the Maison de la Culture Innu, which has high-quality, interactive exhibits about the Innu who inhabited these lands first. I learned that they have actually a strained relationship with Parks Canada who manages the islands, as they're now no longer allowed to go there to hunt ducks and seals or collect eggs & berries, something they've done for centuries... as an Innu woman put it; "we're suddenly tourists in our own home". It shows how important (and difficult) it is to try to understand all sides of a story.
Having checked into the motel, I realized the village is even tinier than I thought; the one restaurant was closed (Havre-Saint-Pierre had 2 restaurants that were both open), but luckily the gas bar which ran out of gas 😂, did also have a grocery store so I got a Ceasar salad, chicken & cheese to eat on my room while the laundry was running.
I ran out of my picture allowance for this post, too much pretty nature to show 😎, so will continue in the next one.
Icebergs: 5 (on the boat)
Wildlife: 10 humpback whales, 2 harbour porpoises (on the boat), 6 seals (1 grey), 3 porpoises, 6 terns & 2 loons (at Havre-Saint-Pierre), 2 harbour seals, 1 grey seal, 1 porpoise (at the east Mingan archipelo)
SUPs: none
Hikes: one at L'Anse au Clair, one at La Tabatière, one at Île Quarry
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Those Eyes: Rise! Leo x OC
Chapter 4
^^ A quick sketch of Lala and her “cabbage” hoodie lmfao
Warning ⚠️: mild language, parental manipulation
Recap:
He sighs, annoyed. “Fine. I will give you a reward if you complete this mission.” The man points at my neck where the metal ring around it glistens in the moonlight.
“If you complete this mission, I will take that thing off. For good.”
• • •
I try to remain stoic, but I can’t help but bug my eyes out.
Taking this thing off… for good? I’m not even sure what it does or why it’s there in the first place. Do I even want to know what happens? What if nothing happens at all?
“Wait, seriously?” I furrow my eyebrows.
The Lieutenant nods. “When you bug them, our mission will be nearly complete. We will have all the armor pieces and we will need you at your fullest potential.”
“What even is my ‘fullest potential’? I’ve had this thing on since I was little and no one has ever told me why it’s there.” I stare up at him, hoping to receive the answers I’ve been wanting for years.
Once again, I don’t get them.
“It’s the reason why you’re my best asset. You will know when you complete your mission. Will you do it?”
“I…” Is this really worth it…? Am I willing to be let down again? But maybe the Lieutenant is right and I do have some sort of power.
I hope he’s telling me the truth.
* * *
6:30AM
The next morning, I can barely keep my eyes open to turn off my alarm. I returned to my apartment at about 3AM with school being five (5) hours later.
I’m an idiot for that, but I don’t have anything big going on today anyways.
Crawling out of my bed, I take a step onto the floor and instantly recoil in pain. “God fuckin’…”
I look down at the floor and see the one thing I didn’t want to see first thing in the morning:
The Bug.
It must’ve fallen out of my jacket pocket when I threw it on the floor last night.
I pick it up and place it on my night stand before throwing off my sheets and getting ready for eight (8) hours of hell.
* * *
First and second period are blurs. I tried to brush it off this morning, but I can’t stop thinking about the Bug.
And Leo.
Everything about this feels so wrong. Like, I feel grimy like I haven’t showered in weeks. Why is this eating at me the way it is? Leo—and the other turtles—are supposed to be our enemies. But when I think of enemies, I think of my 5th grade class: pathetic people who can’t own their shit in fear of taking responsibility for their actions. Not Leo.
At least in our exchange last night, he was pleasant. When I punched him on accident, he wasn’t angry at me.
“God, you have a hellva right hook.”
Not even a groan or swearing. He was sarcastic, funny. Almost everything I said, he had a quip or joke or light tease for. I’ve never met anybody like that.
But I don’t know him. That was our only interaction, so why do I feel like I’ve known him forever? Like I’m betraying him?
“Lala,” my science teacher whom I haven’t bothered to remember the name of taps my shoulder, “class is dismissed.”
I look around to see an empty classroom and a few students trickle in for their third period class. I scoop up my backpack and speed-walk out of the classroom, my cheeks burning with embarrassment.
Third and fourth period fly by like I had wished they would. Now I can go to the library and finally focus on something other than Foot Clan bullshit. I’ve been reading a series about space lesbians. I wouldn’t characterize myself as such, but they are interesting to read about.
Soon, I feel myself begin to drift in and out of the middle place between being awake and sleep, barely able to keep my place. I cross my arms on the desk and rest my head against them prepared to just rest my eyes for a bit.
~~~~~
I walked down the street on my way home texting the Lieutenant of my location. My phone dings loudly, causing my ears to ring. I fumble the phone until it lands face down on the ground.
When I turn it over, it’s shattered, but somehow I already knew it was.
What shocked me was the caller ID had changed.
It was Leo.
I try to answer his call, but I have no bars.
“A mountain…” I said slowly before looking around and spotting a hill. I climbed on top of it and held my phone into the air.
Suddenly, the Leo’s caller ID popped up again.
I answered it. “Leo! I’ve been trying to call you but you—”
“Lala, don’t turn around.” A voice said, but it wasn’t Leo’s voice. “Don’t turn around!” He said this over and over again before the call dropped.
Despite his warning, I turned around and saw a future, but I didn’t know which.
It was me.
But it wasn’t… me.
I was in a Foot uniform with Foot soldiers by my side. I had a wide smirk on my face, and point towards the present me.
My heart began pounding as we stared at each other before the floor beneath me opened and I fell through into a dark pit of nothingness.
~~~~~~
I shoot awake, my heart still pounding.
What the hell was that…?
It’s been a while since I’ve had a dream like that in years, but it was different. The “future” me was lit by blue fire and my eyes radiated a light blue as well. I don’t remember what happened after that, but I wasn’t afraid of her like I was with the Foot one.
And why would Leo call me? I don’t even have his number or any sort of communication with him. Why is he even in my dreams?
I shake my head as the lunch bell rings and I head to the cafeteria.
* * *
Thank-fuckin’-god this day is over! I couldn’t stand those preppy kids their mocks toward me for being a freshman for much longer.
At my apartment, I enter my bedroom and crash onto my bed, sleep quickly overcoming me. I wake up about five (5) hours later and notice The Lieutenant had pinged me an hour or so ago, then thirty (30) minutes ago, and then fifteen (15) minutes.
He’s probably gonna make me patrol the city to look for the turtles as he had said he would last night, but for some reason, I feel hesitant about going for the first time in a while.
*Third Person POV*
Leo sat up and yawned loudly as he awoke from his twelve (12) hour slumber. He was hungry, so he sluggishly made his way to the kitchen.
As he was walking, he heard commotion going on in his destination and decided to ear-hustle.
“I mean, who would he even see? We don’t know anybody else besides April.” He heard his oldest brother, Raph, say.
“Yeah, but what if he knows someone we don’t? I mean, none of us have gone out alone for that long. What else could he be doing?” Mikey snitched Leo out.
“Mikey, I think you’re overthinking this.” Raph denied him. “If Leo was talking to someone else besides us or April, he would let his brothers know… right?”
Donnie sighed, exasperated by the conversation. “Why are we even talking about this? Whatever Leo is doing shouldn’t concern us. Besides, we should be worrying about this thing.” The purple clad turtle opened his hand to reveal the armor piece they’d stolen from The Foot two (2) days before. “It’s energy levels are impeccable; I’ve never seen anything like it before.”
Leo retreated back to his bedroom after his brothers stopped talking about him. At least he knew that Raph and Donnie didn’t believe Mikey. The last thing he wanted was all his brothers interrogating him. What would he even say? “Hey, guys, you remember that girl I saved oh-so bravely two (2) days ago? Yeah, I went all over the city looking for her and talked to her for all of ten (10) seconds before she ran off.” Of course not, he’d look like a stalker. Or an idiot. Or an idiot-stalker. All of those he didn’t want to be.
“Leo!” Raph seemed to always yell for him at an unreasonably long distance. “We’re on the move. Come to the Turtle Tank.”
The blue clad turtle quickly made his way over to his brothers to go on another mission.
• • •
L͟a͟l͟a͟’̲s͟ P͟.̲O͟.̲V͟.̲
As I had originally thought, the Lieutenant wants me to patrol. Not for the turtles, though. He wants me to scout a building to make sure it’s closed and everybody has left. Is it for the armor or paper again? I have no clue. I didn’t have the energy to fight for an answer from him today.
I stay posted on a rooftop a couple buildings away after I had cleared the building in question. The street lights cast onto the empty street below, but the alleys stay as pitch black as the night. They remind me of my dream earlier today, and I swear I see the “future” me staring up at me in the corner of my eye. I focus onto the alley, but there’s no one there.
The dream has left me in my head all day. That and the Bug. I had looked up what my dream meant while coming over here. Apparently my communication is stunted and I haven’t been listening to myself. In my opinion, there isn’t any room for that.
I don’t remember my life before The Foot. As I’ve said before, I only remember the fifth (5th) grade incident. The Lieutenant had told me I’d been with them since I was a toddler, but nothing more than that. I often fantasized about what my parents would’ve been like. What if I had siblings? Aunts? Uncles? Cousins? I get the feeling that I will never know.
I say this to day that I’ve been under someone’s control for my whole life. I am only a child in the Lieutenant’s eyes, therefore I must listen to him and never trust my adolescent mind. The more I think about it, the more I realize just how much I sound like him sometimes. I’ve never seen the Lieutenant as my father or any sort of father figure, but he’s been the constant in my life. He taught me how to fight, steal, and manipulate others into getting what I wanted. I had briefly admired him… maybe I still kinda do…? But more than anything, he’s been scaring me lately.
I feel like I owe him my loyalty. If what he says is true, he could’ve left me to starve. Bad things could’ve happened to me if he and The Foot hadn’t taken me in. Not only that, but he constantly reminds me of it; constantly accusing me of trying to betray him. If I was bold enough I would, but where would I go? The Foot pays for my apartment, my schooling, they train me, they know everything I know and more. Where would I run and who would I run to?
These thoughts diminish when I hear a loud engine revving. I look towards the building and see a large round vehicle turn off it’s headlights as individuals hidden by the shadows exit through a hole in the top of it and sprint towards the building.
I leap from my post to the back entrance and quietly push the door open.
• • •
Another Lala centered chapter, but I swear this is the last one for a while! Stay safe!
-ℍ𝕒𝕟𝟟𝕒
#fanfic#rottmnt#rottmnt donnie#rottmnt fluff#rottmnt leo#rottmnt leo x reader#rottmnt raph#rottmnt reader insert#x reader#rise donnie x reader#rise leo x reader#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rise leo
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uh 19, 26, 27(i think this one would be funny), 44 and 50 if you don't mind?
ty for the ask!!
19. imagine we’re at a sleepover, would you paint my nails?
absolutely. i would paint ur fingernails and do a mediocre job bc im not great at it but id try to do a fun color combo cause i cant do cool designs and one single color is boring. something sparkly for sure
26. a scenario that you’ve replayed multiple times?
ohhh. hmmmm. a billion scenarios. i love picking random scenss from myau and replaying that billions of times and then moving onto another one. current one on the brain is for my toh reverse au specifically the adult luz vs belos confrontation in the s1 finale where shes basically like fuck you straight to hell i know youre full of shit and also a HUGE fucking liar whos lying about the day of unity and hes like what the fuck you know too many of my secrets. get petrified (at sundown)
27. about how many hours of sleep did you get?
you ask me this. during finals week. im gonna give yu a rundown of how much ive slept actually this whole week acutallly
lets see. sunday night went to bed aroun 3-4am, woke up at 6:30am monday (2 hours)
monday night/tuesday morning went to bed around 5am? woke up at 11am (4 hours)
tuesday night took a 12am to 2pm nap. felt weirs and couldnt sleep until 6am then woke up at 10am weds morning. was sick and unwell and went back to bed at 12pm and then woke up at 5pm. (10 hours)
wedsnay night i pulled an all nighter! i went to bed thursday morning at 9am and woke up around 3pm :( i was tring to wke up around 12 but slept in. (6 hours)
then thursday i pulled. another all nighter. went to bed this friday morning around 8am and woke up at 10:30. i did my two finals and then took a nap from 7-8:30 so thats. uh 3 hours for today.
in total: 25 hours of sleep this week. uhhh i think ur supposed to get like. at least 40 hours a week. lmao. im so healthy
44. you get a free pass to kill anyone, who is it?
ooooh tempting. so many people i want to kill (i think if i had the death note i would do infinetly better then light hes such a pussy weak bitch) but i think id go for elon. or jk rowling. might have to sit down and reserahc whos actually doing the Most harm but for now elons dying first
50. can i tag you in random stuff?
yes you CAN i love being taghed in random shit.
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Day 14 - Jan 14 - Salzburg
Oh dear god lmao
Some girl checked in to stay in the bed below me at midnight and she was making so much noise.. I woke up at 4am obviously and I think I did a stinking good job at being quiet. Although on the train I realized I forgot my underwear that I washed and left to dry on the bed. Oh well, it was an old shein pair.
I remembered in the early of the morning that I needed to remove the sheets which was a whole process - THAT was what was so loud when that girl checked in, freaking crazy
Anyways, I started walking at 4:30am to the Neubegasse U station and I almost panicked bc I thought it was closed for construction.
Anyways, I eventually found it and then I got to the Wien Westbanf train station and took the train no problem to Salzburg. It wasn’t super comfortable but I fell asleep for an hour or so and got to Salzburg on time!! I walked to the hostel and put my stuff in the locker. The hostel had free coffee so I had some and charged my phone. I realized I had time to walk around a bit so I walked around the east side of the old town area and ended next to Mirabell Palace where The Sound of Music tour stop was.
The tour bus was fairly full (mostly Australians, some English, and just a handful of Californians lmao) but I sat at the front so I could be closer to the tour guide, who I initially thought was fun but she ended up giving me a weird vibe.
We started driving around the city and then went to the palace hotel where the lake scenes and back of the house was filmed. It was a BEAUTIFUL sunny day, everything was perfect. She told us a bunch of great fun facts about the movie and how it compared to the actual Von Trapp family story, which I knew some of bc I read the wiki page the night before lol.
Our second stop was the -insert- palace where the bodega from “16 going on 17” was and the yellow long wall is from the song “I am Confident” also very pretty
Our third stop was this viewpoint in Mondsee that was LITERALLY ONE OF THE MOST GORGEOUS VIEWS IVE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. I’m soooo grateful it was sunny!!!
After that we drove into the town bc that’s where the church where they filmed the wedding ceremony was and it’s so interesting how editing makes a place look soo different. This church is PINK! It looks so dark and emo in the movie. The town is cute and I bought a goat HAHAA
I tried apfelstrudel too but they served it cold so I was like meh it’s aight. People seemed to give me a really cold shoulder for traveling solo for some reason.
When we got on the bus tho some Australian asked the tour guide if the nuns actually sabotaged the Germans cars and like of course not lady they didn’t even run away from the Germans like that, that part is entirely made up. Except the guide said it in a nicer way and then the lady responded “Yeea naur yea naur ok” HAHA Australians are so funny I was dying
Anyways; after that we watched this doc that Liesl the oldest sister filmed a while back revisiting Salzburg and Mondsee.
The tour was just absolutely everything. It was amazing and I cried.
After we got back to town, our last stop was the Mirabell Palace and Gardens where they filmed Do Re Mi except in the winter it looks quite depressing bc the flowers aren’t in bloom, its not very green, and it’s blocked off. Sad. So I just rushed to old town to see the museums and fortress before everything closed. The town was bustling which was very cool. I started with the Mozart House and it was interesting to learn about him and his family. He died super young but composed so much in his time. I didn’t realize his dad was the talent that shaped him into a prodigy and that his sister was also a super talented pianist and composer.
Afterwards, I walked up to the Salzburg Museum which was super empty and much bigger than I expected. The history was quite interesting to learn about bc music and art is such a huge part of this town, especially with Mozart being nearly synonymous with Salzburg, but the political powers have also been trying to transform the town into an economic city beyond the tourism. I remember seeing the town when I first arrived and thinking it was far more modern than I expected.
I was starving after the museum, so I ran to Billa and grabbed another Mediterranean chicken sandwich and literally SCARFED it down while hiking up to the Fortress. I probably looked like a homeless person who hadn’t eaten in days.
The hike was brutal - I was sweating, but I caught the most BEAUTIFUL sunset. I was in AWE. This whole day was incredible. Panoramic views of the city. Missed the museums though lmao. I thought it closed at 6pm but it actually closed at 5pm. Thank god I left the museum early and made it for most everything though.
After that, I just went back to the hostel, showered, and decompressed. It was only like 6pm so I was like I should be social..
so I messaged on the Hostelworld app and a girl Lana said she was down, and then I was chatting with this guy in my hostel and he also was down to come out. He ended up being kind of weird. A big of a prick if I do say so myself. Lana was super awesome though and her suite friend was also super chill - both from Australia, different parts. We ended up spending the whole night together chatting, walking from one place to the other. We didn’t stay out too late but it was like 4-5 hours together! They both had pretty cool lives
Oh- we ran into other yoho mates but they was weird
One guy who lived in Italy from El Paso, lived in Korea who was dating this girl from Guam who “looked asian but isn’t” like wtf yes she is if she looks asian. And then he kept ripping on the US and I was like ok
So we ditched them
Went to a wine bar in old town
Walked into a 50th birthday by accident
Went into another wine bar
Dog loved my cuddles
Went home
Went to sleep
Awoke remembering I forgot to book my Swiss trains and realized they’re twice the price now and cried
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hi sweet love!! i’m sorry if my message is coming a but later than usual but i only now found the energy to pick up my phone omg😭 went clubbing yesterday and i came back at like 5:30am and then i had to catch a train back home 4 hours later, i’m so tired😔 it’s on me tho wkfjf
i’m so happy u also went to a museum with ur friends!! what kind of museum was it? ^^ mine was modern art! also, taking a day off to just lay around and watch tv sounds absolutely amazing <3 hope u were able to rest!💓
and that’s such an amazing quality!🥺 i love funny people, they’re the best ones out there <3 i think that my fav thing about myself is maybe the fact that i’m compassionate and have a lot of love to give💞 even tho it’s a quality that manages to hurt me a lot
today’s question: do u have a favorite movie/series? and what about a cartoon character? ^^
today’s quote: “Don't limit yourself. Many people limit themselves to what they think they can do. You can go as far as your mind lets you. What you believe, remember, you can achieve." always remember how amazing u are!! so proud of u for everything you've achieved :')
— love u!!! ur secret santa🎄🎅🏻
hi lovely!! oof such a horrible thing having to wake up early after being out. at least you had fun tho!!
the museum was a fine arts and garden one! it was really pretty !! how was your museum trip ??
being compassionate and giving can be hard but it’s a wonderful quality to have too! just have to make sure you surround yourself with good people!
hm i don’t think i can’t think of a favorite movie or a show but some of my favs are chicago pd, law and order, two broke girls, baby daddy. my favorite cartoon is either family guy or the amazing world of gumball. lol on totally different levels. how about you??
i actually called out of work today to go out with my friends 🤭 my manger didn’t would happy but i literally never call out so i had to make myself not feel bad about it lol.
i hope you got to rest today and feel more energized tomorrow!!
also i love your quotes sm <3
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Living with Losing You - 10/2/2022
KY has Assassin bugs. WHY!?
Okay, so I jumped ahead a bit. I will explain that later on. I slept TERRIBLY last night. I really am not sure why I was so anxious, but for whatever reason I could not stop my anxiety. I tried so many things. I guess it was just one of those nights. I slept for maybe 4 hours or so.
I ended up laying / resting in bed until about 8:30am, and saw that your dad had texted me about church at 11:30am and then grilling at the house. I figured it would be nice to hang out with him, so I agreed to go. It was funny because I showed up in a nicer outfit, and your dad literally wore sweats to church (lol). I mean, he did say casual, but I did not think it was that casual. The outfit I wore I would wear generally though, so it wasn’t a huge deal. It was really nice to go to church though. We went to Southland, where you and your family grew up going. It was also the same church (just a different location) that you went to the weekend before you died.
I liked the message though, there were a few things that stuck out to me. It was really about how society has shifted, and how corrupt things have become for the younger generations. As young people, we need to focus on our speech, conduct, love, faith, and purity. I agreed with a lot of the sentiments in this message. He said “we don't age like fine wine, we age like milk”. I felt that.
After the service, we went back to the house and started cooking. It is not as difficult to be in there as it was the first time I came back. I think since I have had some time to process it all, it helps. I do not know how your dad stays in the house though, I could never sleep there. It would be too painful (just personally). We had really great conversation, and he made an amazing meal. I am grateful for the time that I am getting with your entire family, and having the opportunity to connect with your parents as we all continue to process and grieve. I feel incredibly grateful for all of them. If any of Jake’s family (and honestly even friends out here) are reading this, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for taking me in and making me feel like family.
Afterward I quickly went back to Beth’s house to drop off a steak, then headed to the local Goodwill. It’s the one that’s across the cemetery where you are. I still need to visit you, I just do not know when. In a weird way, I feel like I have been avoiding it so far. Though I also have been busy, so. It’s mix to be honest. Anyway, I went to that Goodwill (James and I actually stopped here last time we were in town too) and I ended up buying a bunch of stuff. I even grabbed a few things for your mom that her and I had discussed. I was glad that I could find them there. You’ll be not surprised but proud to know I found the coolest Christmas sweater there. Last time we were there I bought a pretty cute holiday turtle neck. I got a couple of shirts and a jacket for myself. I may need to post pictures tomorrow since I am already in bed. I was very excited about this haul. I plan to check out the other Goodwill that’s a little further away in the near future. I checked a bag, so I have some space to bring some things home!
I headed back to the house since Beth had a few events she had to attend tonight, and needed the car. I had no plans, thought I tried to make some. I think that it’s healthy to be here with my thoughts to a degree. I did end up singing a bunch in the stairwell, and was practicing belting. It’s something I have always struggled with a a vocalist. I feel like I ended up using my throat too much. Anyway, I was practicing that, then just started drumming and jamming on the staircase itself. I posted a little video on my socials cause why not?
I ate some leftovers and then basically snacked for the rest of the night. I played with Biggie too of course. He has a habit of going in and out onto the back patio. It’s on the first floor, but Beth has a screen around it so he can’t escape. One of the times that I went to head out there, I saw this nasty looking bug. I actually almost sat on it because it was on the chair cushion. I took a poor quality picture, but investigating and researching it further, it looks like an Assassin bug. University of KY talks about this bug a bit, and apparently their bites hurt. So, naturally I was back inside and got Biggie back in as well. He was not having it. He kept meowing / chirping at the door, and glaring at me. At one point he started trying to attack my ankles. He is such a stinker. When your mom got home I asked her about it, and she said she had never heard of them. We went outside to look for it together, but we couldn’t find it. Who knows where it is, but all I know is I need to avoid the patio.
In between all of this, I facetimed my friend Erika, and also did laundry. I was trying to be productive at least. It’s interesting because I have definitely cried less since I have been out here, but feel like I am not “feeling you” as much. I feel like you can kind of sense when a spirit or an angel is watching over you.
It was kind of nice that today was an overall chill day since I didn't sleep much, and I am still very much adjusting. I have to take Beth to an appointment in the morning, so I need to go to bed soon. Tomorrow is my day off, and then I work Tuesday - Thursday. I have a busy week ahead of me with plans, work, and then music! Still need to finalize some logistics of when exactly I am coming onsite to record. I am excited in a bitter sweet way.
There were a few things I wanted to add onto this blog: I mentioned in yesterday’s blog that I needed to track my activity from the day. Well, I went to log my activity into the tracker and I realized that it didn’t allow me to. At least I was already over 150 miles. Also, when I was at Kroger running an errand yesterday, I saw that they had A BUNCH of lego kits for sale. I was so sad that you missed this. I loved building legos with you. I loved life with you, in general.
I love you, James.
Rest in Peace, James Burton Nichols.
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Assy McGee #7: “Ring of Fire” | April 7, 2008 - 12:30AM | S02E01
I’d been told that Assy McGee got bad starting with season two, and it just so happens that my enthusiasm for the show waned just enough that I don’t think I bothered to watch any of this season. This episode is an unfortunate dud that did little to convince me that the detractors were wrong. If I’m to take this single episode at face value, I’d say Assy McGee has transitioned from a comedy show with an absurd premise and funny jokes to a comedy show that has an absurd premise and that’s about it. It seems to have joined the ranks of Saul of the Mole Men and Fat Guy Stuck in Internet of shows whose main joke is that they exist at all. I’m not being totally fair here; I still have (gulp) 13 more episodes of this season to consume before I can draw a reasonable conclusion. Also I haven’t seen all of Fat Guy Stuck in Internet, either. Maybe that show gets good? Not holding my breath on that one.
In this episode, Assy investigates a spate of boxer deaths at a particular boxing gym. We see one of them go down, the result of a boxer going crazy and punching himself to death. A sandwich place seems to be connected. There’s a scene where Assy and his sidekick talk to the police morgue attendant, who reveals that the boxers are going mad from polonium poisoning, an element found in uranium ores. All commercially available polonium is made in Russia. We find out a sandwich shop is to blame. Assy confronts one of their delivery men who is strapped to the gills. A shootout ensues and Assy comes out on top, like usual. Assy talks to the chief and says that there’s no secret plot or conspiracy at all; the sandwich shop poisoned the boxers from negligence and the boxers just happened to like this one sandwich shop. The Chief responds by saying “who gives a shit, as long as it’s over”. Seems like it was the writers’ mantra for this show.
There’s also a subplot, sorta, saying that the radioactive corpses have mysteriously disappeared from the police morgue, meaning they’re out there roaming around, maybe. Or, maybe not. We don’t see them, as far as I remember. George Lowe plays the morgue attendant, and he repeats that his guys have been “ganked”. It seems ad-libbed to a certain extent, but doesn’t nearly match the level of George’s ad-libs as Space Ghost. I can’t imagine Matt Harrigan enlisting George and asking him to stick to a script, especially one as under-developed as this one.
Example of the bad writing: the morgue attendant has a line about Assy’s sidekick Sanchez, it’s like “you’re the stereotypical sidekick. You’re going to get shot 2 days before retirement”. That’s about as stale as it gets, even in 2008. A polar opposite joke comes a little later, when the morgue attendant shows a slideshow and he lists off “terrorists” as possibly being involved, and the slide is just a crude crayon drawing of indistinct purple figures. It’s a weird, subtle, blink-and-you’ll-miss-it gag, the kind this show can surprise you with. It’s a shame there’s only one in this entire episode.
I forgot to mention: this season is in 4:3, even though a lot of other series already made the switch to 16:9. It also features, I believe, the same exact car ad in the middle of the show. This series began as an experiment in building a quarter-hour show with a midway commercial break, like Space Ghost used to have in its earliest seasons. I recall a bumper explaining that they couldn’t find anyone to agree to be sponsored in the middle of the show about a walking pair of buttocks that shoots people. I guess they found one. The commercial is actually IN THE SHOW ITSELF; when you watch it streaming on Adult Swim it’s still there. It’s a unique ad and features Assy McGee pitching for the car. It would be sorta neat if they produced 14 different ones or maybe even just a few different ones and rotated them. But, alas. Alassy McGee.
EPHEMERA CORNER
Robot Chicken #4a: “Adultizzle Swizzle” | April 11, 2008 - 11:00PM | S01E18a
Making note for those who care: Robot Chicken first aired the episode “Adultizzle Swizzle”, which was a re-edited version of “The Sack”. The lengthy sketch “Stix are Intended for Children” is replaced with a sketch from the Star Wars special and a couple of previously-deleted sketches. According to the wiki, it sometimes shows up under it’s old name “The Sack” without any warning that it’s actually the edited version.
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i took a 4:30am start time shift next week. no im not ok
#misc#there was no afternoon/late night ones open -_- maybe some wil#l come to me for trades but everything next week for me is dummy early start times#but the Funny People That I Like To Be Around are on the 4:30am one which is the silver lining for me#also i need money.
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Thank you for loving ME III
Pairings: Bucky Barnes x reader (Modern Au)
Warnings: Bucky being a jerk? kinda.
Word count: 1,986
Summary: Two people with nothing in common, one is a socially awkward Y/AGE years old who lives a content life, no friends and definitely no complications; the other one is a man running from his past, avoiding friendships and relationships for fear to being hurt again. They’ve been living next door to each other for 6 months and know nothing about the other, well, except her, who knows all about his sexcapades. But life has a funny way of sneaking up on you. Who would've thought, it figures.
Author’s note: Hello fanfiction world, it is me! Stockholm Dolly. I just notice this took a turn, a very weird one, I managed to combine in this a part of another series that I’ve been writing, and if I keep this plot, I’ll go against everything I believe in, and that makes me so fucking confused and stressed lol I don’t know what to do anymore, anyway... Happy reading solecitos. English is my 4th language and all mistakes are my own confused mind hahaha
III. DESPERATE TIMES CALLS FOR DESPERATE MEASURES
My alarm went off at 4:30am, ugh, my head was throbbing. But I needed to see how James was doing.
I went to the living room and found him sleeping. I could hear soft snores coming off him, it was cute, no, no, Y/N, you can't think like that, you know him, you're going to be another notch in his belt. But seeing him there lying on the couch, you could admire him up close for the first time. His face is perfect, kind of unfair, he seems as if it had been carved by the gods themselves. They have their favorites.
I walk close to him and start caressing his face, "James, wake up, James" I only hear him mutter something I can't understand, and I try again pinching his cheeks this time, "Jamesy, wake up, or do you want me to bring my friend Mr. Frying Pan to wake you up?" I hear him groan but I can see him open his eyes.
"Ugh, 6A, what time is it?" he says
"Um, 4.45am, do you know your name?" I asked him
"My name? Are you crazy 6A? Of course, I know my name, it's James Barnes"
"Okay, and do you know my name?"
"Yes, Y/N, I don't know your last name though, we are not that close… yet"
"This is the closest we are going to get James, and I'm already regretting it" I try to say jokingly, though I'm saying it with a grain of truth behind it.
"Straight to my heart Y/N" he replies with his hand on his heart in a tone of mockery and pain.
"Okay, okay, that's enough, I'm going to bed again, it's too early to deal with my obnoxious neighbor"
"Sweet dreams Y/N, see you in a few more hours" he says waving at me.
BUCKY’S POV
I woke up feeling disoriented, I didn’t know where I was, and then I remembered the events from before, damn that frying pan hurts so much, my head still hurts pretty bad, she gave me something for the pain yesterday, maybe she keeps the bottle in the bathroom, I need to take more.
I started looking for the bathroom, opened a door and saw a room, like a dance room, with a pole in the middle, damn 6A, I mean Y/N is a stripper? Well, you know what they said, it’s always the quiet ones, I walk into the room and see several pictures hanging around the room, damn, Y/N is really hot, how did I not notice that before, I mean, she’s always wearing big jumpers and leggins, there’s not much to see in those clothes.
Suddenly, in the middle of the room is a picture of her with…Bruce Wayne? Is he, her boyfriend? Sugar daddy? As far as I know Bruce doesn't have kids or a girlfriend, but if Y/N is a stripper maybe they are keeping their relationship on the down low, I can do a lot with this picture, am I the kind of person who blackmails someone for… what, money? a job? of fucking course, I totally could get a job, they would want to buy my silence, no, James, your ma taught you better. you can’t do that to them, Y/N helped you without knowing you and without asking for anything in return…so far, well, just out of curiosity I took a picture with my cell phone and went to find the bathroom.
The bathroom is so clean, like hospital clean, where are the pills are, umm, the mirror cabinet, yes, there’s like tons of meds here, like wow, this is wow, I better take a picture of this too, I’m not sure if I’m going to use them, but I might find out later, when my head doesn’t hurt this bad. I took two ibuprofen pills and headed to the living room.
Y/N’s POV
Ugh, what time is it? I look at my phone, 8:00 am, I need to wake up James, I hope he is alive. I can't believe I hit him with a frying pan lol I should have recorded that and made it go viral.
As I walked out of my room I ran into a wall of muscle, uff, damn, this guy is all muscles.
“Are you okay?” he says
“Ugh, yeah, I’m fine, I was going to wake you up, how are you feeling?
“I’m fine, my name is James Barnes and my head doesn't hurt anymore, I hope you don’t mind, I took two more pills from your bathroom cabinet, you have a lot of pills for such a small person”
“Umm, did you snoop in my medicine cabinet?”
“Yes, I mean, not on purpose, I was looking for more ibuprofen, sorry, I didn't mean to”
“Don’t worry, I’m not hiding anything, it’s just not a conversation for a first meeting, you know?”
“Are you fine Y/N? that was a lot of meds” I wasn’t concerned about her; I need answers and the only way to get them is to pretend to be worried about her.
“I’m fine, I promise, just a treatment I follow for my health, nothing serious James”, Jesus Christ, that’s why I hate socializing, people and their questions. I don’t like this. I need to change the subject right now.
“Hey, do you want to stay for breakfast? I was planning to make chilaquiles” hopefully with the mention of food he can redirect his conversation
“Chila-what? Y/N I don’t know what that is, but I’m willing to eat”, that girl is obviously hiding something, she changed the subject almost immediately, but I’m hungry so I'll let it go for now.
“Okay, you can go to the living room and lie down for a bit, I'll let you know when everything's ready”
“Don’t You want me to help you? I’m not useless, my ma would cut my head off if I let you do everything alone after everything you did for me”
“Oh, umm, I can do it on my own, but that's okay, you can help me”, Christ this is a nightmare.
I have to admit he’s a good helper, he caught on pretty quickly, it seems like we always did this, dancing around the kitchen, like a couple, ugh, Y/N don’t go there, you can let anyone into your life, is not wise, not right now.
We had breakfast and it was almost 11:00 am so I decided to go to work so my dad wouldn't come to my apartment and worry. I don’t like that he worries about me; I feel like a burden. I know he’s my dad, but we suffered enough when mom left us.
“Sorry James, I don’t want you to think I’m kicking you out, but I have to go to work, I have an early shift today”, hopefully he doesn’t start questioning me.
“That’s okay Y/N, I need to go to my apartment anyway, thank you so much for everything you did, I owe you a big one”
“You don’t owe me anything James, happy to help, please take care of yourself, no alcohol for today, and here” I give him the rest of the chilaquiles, he seems to like them, “I don’t think you’ll want to cook for the day, so enjoy it”
BUCKY’s POV
She gave me the rest of the breakfast and I walked into my apartment, I was intrigued by Y/N. She's a really nice person, but that room, that photo? She must have something going on, something bad, no one is that mysterious just because. She doesn’t seem to have friends or go out, always in her apartment or working.
Damn, I need a job, I open my laptop and start looking for jobs in my field, I need something now, I send a lot of emails to try my luck, hopefully someone want to interview me, then, my phone starts ringing, ugh, who is it, I see the contact, my mom, I’ve been dodging her calls for a month.
“Hey mom”
“James, it's dad, my phone is at home”
“At home? Where are you guys? everything is alright?” I hear my dad sigh
“Your mom is sick James, she’s been trying to call you for a month, she’s in the hospital ever since, we don’t know what to do, the insurance doesn’t cover all the treatment”
I was in a state of shock, many feelings invaded me at that moment, stress, despair, guilt and anger. My mom is an incredible woman, she doesn’t deserve this, I need to make sure she recovers from this no matter what. “How much do you need dad, I can’t go home but I can send you the money, mom will get through this dad, don’t worry, she’s strong”
“We need $50,000 so far, but is only been a month, so I don’t know what we are going to do James, I’m working two shifts and Becca’s thinking about taking a semester off to help out too”
He sounded helpless. I hate to hear him like that, one of the reasons for my sudden departure was so they wouldn't have to worry about feeding one more person.
“Give me this week dad, I’ll call you on Saturday, okay? I’m going to talk to my boss and ask him for a loan, we are going to get through this”
“I’m sorry James, I didn’t want to call, but mom want you to know and then with the cost going up I’m really overwhelmed”
“Don’t worry, we will talk later, take care of ma, whatever she needs, let the staff take care of it, okay? I manage the payment later and tell Becca not to drop out school, she needs to keep studying, I love you dad”, I hang up and run my hand through my face, fuck, what am I supposed to do? I need that money, I have my savings, it is definitely not much, almost $12,000, I can send my dad 10 and live with the rest till I find a job. And then I remembered the picture in Y/N’s room, fuck, I can't believe I’m thinking about this, but my mom needs me, she'd totally flip out if she found out how I got the money, but I can worry about that later, I need to her to be healthy first.
I open my laptop again and start my research about Bruce Wayne, no kids, he had a wife but she left him because he was so immersed into work, he didn’t have the time to be with her, she obviously drain him in the divorce, but being one of the richest men in the country that didn’t make a dent in his wallet. No current girlfriend, just a lot of arm candies for PR purposes, if Y/N’s his girlfriend or sugar baby must be really private, she is not in any pics, but she said she had an early shift today, maybe he needs her early, my mind was racing, thinking how can I do this without getting caught, first I need a new mail and a VPN, I can let them trace my IP address, done, then send the mail, just a little sneak peak of the pic, but, I can’t show the photo without raising suspicions, I need to send an email first and if they answer I send the pic in the next one, hopefully is in one or two days and most importantly… I need to keep my “friendship” with Y/N, I need to make her trust me, maybe she could tell me the truth eventually and if Wayne doesn’t answer maybe I can make her fall in love with me, she totally could give me the money I need, PERFECT, let’s get to work.
A little footnote: chilaquiles are a Mexican dish, you can have them for breakfast or lunch, they’re made of tortilla chips, chicken, steak or eggs, green or red sauce, onion, cheese and sour cream- They are good for hangovers when you make them spicy. It's an easy Mexican recipe, if someone want to try them you can ask me the recipe or search for it on google.
Taglist: @vicmc624
#Bucky Barnes#bucky barns x reader#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x you#bucky barnes x female reader#bucky barnes x y/n#bucky x reader#james bucky barnes#james bucky buchanan barnes#bucky fanfic
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Whacky Gotham, Goofy New York, and Chaotic Paris
(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7)
Chapter 3: Kindred Spirits Always Find A Way To Assemble
•—–—–†–—–—•
Time: 5:30am
location: Louvre
Ladybug, Abeille, Bunnyx, Trickster, and Chat Noir are fighting an akuma, not anything major, just Mr. Pigeon and his pigeons trying to melt the Louvre with deadly acidic bird dropings, so yeah, nothing major. Just another early bird gets the akuma kinda day...
"Looks like the early bird is trying to melt the Louvre, what say you M'lady, shall we make this swift and- *Loud sneeze* Let me now *sneeze* when I'm *sneeze* needed" - Chat Noir
"For to long our kind has been oppressed, they feed us miserable seeds, when we beg for bread, we shall show them no mercy, as our justice shall be swift!" picks up two pigeons, holds them by their legs and aims the rear cannons "Surrender your Miraculous and your justice shall be swift and painless!!" with an evil villain laugh at the end bla bla bla.
" Anyone else getting Pigeon (French) Revolution vibes? No? just me? Cause I swear he said seeds instead of cake."
"Not the time Bunnyx." - Abeille
"Oh it so Is The Time." - Bunnyx
"Off with Mr. Pigeon Antoinette's Akumatized object!" - Chat Noir from a distance.
"Viva La Revolution!!!" - Trickster
"Dear Kwami, how did it come to a frickin Pigeon Revolution?!" - Ladybug
As the last line is said, Mr. Pigeon fires the -ehem- cannons at the heroes, only for them to be an illusion. In the confusion Bunnyx pops out of her burrow and wacks Mr. Pigeon on the head, effectively knocking him out.
"The Pigeon Revolution is over, we have taken back our home, and shall continue to defend it from the creepy Man of MOTH!!!!" - Bunnyx
and with that Bunnyx brakes the Akumatized object, and Ladybug purifies the akuma.
"Ok, I will admit that last speach was funny, now lets hurry back before hells bells go off." - Ladybug
•~—~—~—~—~—~—~•
" Bla bla bla, nothing important, bla bla bla bla, yada yada yada bla yada." - Mrs. Bustier
"'Viva La Revolution', that was perfect." - Whispering Alix
"It just came to me, but Chats 'Off with Mr. Pigeon Antoinette's Akumatized object' line and your 'Man of Moth' speech were really well timed !" -whispering Peter
"well of course, I'm always punctual with any time sensitive joke/pun." -whispering Alix
"Will you to zip it! we can't have these simpletons finding anything out!" -whispering Chloé
"Please, they all share a broken defective regect of a brain cell, I doubt they could ever put two and two together." -whispering Alix
"Hey, do you think we should start a protest in our classroom?" -whispering Peter
"... Viva.La.Revolution!" - whispering Chloé with a mischievous grin
"No." - Maria
•~—~—~—~ Later when Mrs. Bustier is out of class ~—~—~—~•
"I just don't know what to do." - Lie-la
" You think she finally realized how horrible that hair style is?" - Alix
"After visiting Gotham a few months ago I met Damian Wayne, you might've heard about him, he's just so amazing, kind-hearted, and brave. We had a wonderful time, but then he asked me out! And I don't want to hurt Parkers feelings, I care for both of them!" - Lie-la
"Man, she must be extremely full of it to keep pulling that sh-t out of her @ss every hour or so." - Alix
"Wow Peter, didn't know your cared for Ms. Rossi like that" - Chloé said in a sarcastic tone.
" I'd rather strap her to a supersonic rocket heading for a black hole, and I'm pretty sure this Damian Wayne would do the same... he probably has the money for it actually." - Peter
" Enough plotting, we still need to get enough money, if we want that summer trip, we've already crossed off: Baking sales, becoming a mime, jobs are out unless they're fine with you leaving right after joining, and we can't just ask for donations." - Maria
" I can use my MDC mon-" - Maria
"Oh hell no you won't! You worked your butt off to get that money, you said it yourself! That money is for when you apply to college! I refuse to let you waste your money on our ignoramus classmates!" - Chloé
Thankfully by now everyone was out of the classroom.
" Oh Kwami she's serious, she never uses her big words!" - Adrien
" Then what do you suggest Chloé?" - Maria
" I'll ask daddy to pay!" - Chloé
" I can also ask my father, he'll probably do it if Mr. Bourgeois puts in a donation." - Adrien
" But- " - Maria
" No! The decision is final all in agreement say aye!" - Chloé
"Aye!" - Everyone
"You've watched to many movies Chloé, fine, but please don't drastically overdo it." - Maria
" When have I ever drastically overdone something? Name one time." - Chloé
"Well, there was the time you over did it, by not sleeping for almost three weeks." - Maria
" and after that you got so fed up with one akuma that you kicked him with the force of a thousand suns down unda, you may have scared him for life after that honestly. " - Adrien
" Oh! or the time you went overboard with Peters B-day, and the cake landed on his face! - Alix
"Well in her defense, the cake was great, but it was kinda a mouthful." -Peter
"... I said name one time. (ー_ー)" - Chloé
•~—~—~—~—~—~—~•
Sooo, after all that happened Mr. Bourgeois, Fallowed by Gabriel Agreste, gave a very generous donation, so that solves that problem.And since I'm sure you don't want to see (More Lies) boring stuff, lets skip to two days before the trip begins.
〜(꒪꒳꒪)〜time skip " You're welcome, I'm here all eternity." - Bunnyx〜(꒪꒳꒪)〜
•—–· At Chloés Hotel ·–—•
"Ok are we sure we have everything?" - Maria
" Yes now can we please watch something already, we've triple, and even quadruple checked everything, we're good." - Alix
" I have to go out and inform Tempête and Vipère, before anything else, be back soon." - Maria then heads out calling upon the other heroes.
" So what do you need?" - Vipère
" Do you have a top secret mission for us?" - Tempête
" For the summer Abeille, Bunnyx, Trickster, and Chat Noir will be unavailable, unless they are truly needed, I however will be able to travel back and forth via portals for fights. Paris will be in your care while we aren't here." - Ladybug
"It is our honor, we shall defend Paris with our lives." - Tempête
" Agreed, enjoy your summer." - Vipère
"Thank you, stay safe." and with that Maria headed back to the hotel prepared to watch movies, only to be bombarded with questions as soon as she got back.
" HOLD UP! You know MAGIC?!" - Alix
" When were you going to tell us?!" - Chloé
"So cool, how does it work?" - Peter
" Can you teach us?!" - Adrien
" Spots-Off, yes I know magic, I swear I've told you before. Do you want a demonstration?" - Maria
They all shook their heads excitedly.
" Ok well, I'm able to Heal myself if I get hurt, but I don't wish to hurt myself just for that, I can also increase my Luck with magic, as well as Communicate/ Manipulate plants, and see peoples Souls, thanks to Tikki. I learned Protection magic thanks to Wayzz, and Illusion magic thank to Trixx. I'm also learning Teleportation from Kaalki, which I've almost completed, and Mutitude from Mullo, which still needs work." - Maria
" If you can really talk to plants, what did we do earlier while you where out, hmmmmm?" - Alix
Maria then walks over to the roses near the couch and whispers to them, after a moment she turns back to her friends, and calmly says "Traitors."
" What do you mean?" - Peter
" You continued watching Star Wars: Clone Wars Without me!" - Maria
" Ok we believe you, but does this mean we can also use magic?" - Adrien
"Hmmm, let me see" as she says this her eyes start to glow an almost ethereal icy blue.
" Why are you eyes glowing?" - Chloé
"Looking at you souls... ok" she then claps her hands and her eyes go back to normal "Adrien, you can use slight Destruction magic on objects, if you use it on a person it would just cause them extreme pain, you can also cast Bad Luck on someone, so I guess thats good, and you can also learn slight Jubilation magic. Peter you can learn Illusion, and Protection magic. Chloé you can Learn Subjection, and Multiplication magic. And Alix, you can learn Evolution, Intuition, and Teleportation magic." As Maria finished, she saw the star struck looks in their eyes at the thought of learning magic became obtainable for them.
"Teach us!" they all bowed only to get a laugh from Maria in response.
"You would have to ask the Kwamis that, I only know what I know thanks to them." - Maria
And for most of the night they all started practicing magic. And when they woke up, they continued to practice, they had fun and were really enjoying it.
Then came the day Maria and her friends were to head for Gotham, and it was hectic, but everyone made it in one piece after an 8 hour flight, which at this point Maria was glad she sent all of her important luggage ahead of time, because somehow her luggage with only her toiletries and pyjamas was stolen, so all she had now was her back pack on her and the Miracle box in a Pocket dimension (thanks to the training from Fluff and Kaalki)
Lila was annoyed, when Maria didn't even care that she lost her bag with all her stuff (jokes on you she sent that one to the hotel 2 days ago HA!) they ended up checking into the hotel, everyone was with someone, Peter was with Adrien, Chloé was with Alix, and Maria... just had the Kwamis, yup that's right, apparently Lila has a condition that prevents her from being in any room below a quality vip room, so now she was upgrade and without a roommate, good for Lila, and Lucky for Maira, because now she doesn't have to worry about someone noticing her climbing out the window to go free-running across rooftops as Multimouce.
Around 7:30 pm. everyone heads out for lunch... and they leave Maria behind.
"Of course this happens." and with that she asked the receptionist for the directions to where her class went, afterwards she went out and proceeded to get lost, after trying to retrace her steps, she just got lost quicker, and her phone was at 20% what luck.
After walking for a little bit, she had decided to take a break, and as she leaned up against a wall, she closed her eyes.
'Maybe if I search for the receptionists Soul I can find my way back.' as she was doing this, she saw souls of all colors walking by, she even noticed a dark emerald green soul, and a dark blue soul across the street on a rooftop... and then she felt her hair stand on end, a few feet to her right was a bloody rust looking soul, she could tell it was a male, late 20s, average build, and 5'11, he was targeting her. As she opened her eyes she did a quick scan of her seroundings, noticing an alley, she started to walk again. Sensing the slight increase in speed from the man now behind her, as he got closer, she made a sharp left into the alley, she made it a few feet in before the man started laughing and walking closer, she saw the disgusting look in his eyes, and the outline of a gun in his front left pocket.
"Come on now girlie, I just wanna talk."
" I am good thankz." she made sure to add an accent to make him feel like he had an upper hand, which seemed to work, if his sickening smile was anything to go off of.
He stepped closer and Maria (the little genius she was) decided to act nervous, which only lowered the guys gaurd even more, once he reached to grab her in a quick motion she proceeded to do this.
She held the guy in a lock until he fell unconscious. As she stood up, she noticed a hand reaching for her, she then grabbed the hand and flipped the figure over her shoulder hard, hearing a yelp from the man as she did so.
When she realized who she had flipped over, her face turned bright red
"Mon dieu, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you are you ok Monsieur Nightwing?!"
"Yeah I'm fine and don't apologize, reflexes like that are key to survival here in Gotham, isn't that right Robin.... Robin?"
When Nightwing didn't get any sound from Robin he looked over to see the boy a blushing mess, then Robin snaped out of it, cuffing the mugger, and turning his attention to the girl.
" Ehem. Mam it's dangerous to be out here at this time alone, please allow us to take you wherever you need to go." - Robin
"Oh thank you um, do you know where Wayne Hotel is? I was supposed to go with my class to dinner, but they... “forgot” me, I decided to try and meet up with them, but I failed horribly." - Maria
"Wait they just left you? and in Gothan of all cities?! What kind of teacher does that?!" - Nightwing
" An instegator." - Maria said under her breath in French, she didn't notice the slight shock on both their faces from what she said.
"Anyway lets get you to your hotel before it gets any later." - Nightwing
"Thank you again." - Maria
She arrived safely, thanks to Nightwing and Robin, she thanked them one more time and went inside, when she got to her room she found her friends pacing back and forth in the room, Chloé and Peter looking like they would soon become two people on a mission to find her, but thankfully she was back, she of course had to answer alot of questions, but that was no big deal. After answering all their questions, everyone went to their rooms, and fell asleep, they had a big day tomorrow afterall... ... and then Marias' Akuma alert went off, ok so it took about thirty minutes to defeated the akuma 2 more before she could cure anything and another 5 minutes before she could head back to her room, and it was now 2am, but she could still wake up early right? hehe (・–・;) right?
No, the answer was no she couldn't, well technically she was up on time for when the bus "should" have started getting ready to leave, BUT turns out Lila SOMEHOW, managed to get everyone on board without even thinking of her an hour early! Maria asked for directions once again, and the receptionist had a worried and apologetic look on her face, Maria thanked her again, and headed out, this time however, she made it without getting lost and without getting mugged, Yay! She even had enough time to get a coffe (Tim special was a wierd name but oh well it did the job pretty well) from a shop near by (double yay!) before entering the WE building.
" You have to start the tour! we've been here for an hour and thirty minutes already!" - Ms. Bustier
"Like I said before, I will not start the tour until your student gets back, and if they don't get back, then we better hope nothing happened to them, or else it's your fault for your negligence." - Tour guide
"Sorry I'm late, the bus left earlier than what we scheduled, why didn't you inform me about the change?" - Maira
"Lila said you were the one who made the changes and that you were just trying to get attention, I am VERY disappointed in you Maria, now apologize to your class for delaying the tour!" - Ms Bustier
"I think you mean “I'm sorry we left you behind in a city where murder happens to young kids on a daily basis” now you apologize to Your student that is Your responsibility." - Tour Guide with a glare that could kill a thousand armys
Ms. Bustier proceeded to apologise to half the class's disbelief.
"Alright then, now that thats all taken care of, Hello and welcome to Wayne Enterprise, where we focus on making Gotham and the world a better place. I'm Dick Grayson, and I'll be you tour guide for today."
As the tour went on Maria stood at the front with her friends, she took notes of everything that was said, and she ignored whatever nonsense Lila was spouting, somthing about saving or dating Damian Wayne, she didn't really care.
When the lunch break came, she sat with her friends until she needed a long overdo refill on her coffee, she walked over to the coffee machine and started figuring what combination will keep her brain working for the rest of the day.
"Press button 3 followed by 5, 6, 8, 1, 2, 4, 9, and 7, that is the ultimate coffee mixture, if your mortal self is up for the challenge." - Sleep deprived guy
"I accepte." she presses the buttons in the exact order and then " Wait none of the cups are big enough."
"Here, secrect cup, from beyond the mortal realm." - Sleep deprived guy
" Thanks" she grapped the very large cup, and filled it with coffee till it was almost to the rim, she put the lid on and instantly took a big sip from the scolding hot coffee (she can heal, her tongue's fiiiiiiine)
"... Not bad, taste similar to the Tim Special I had earlier, but maybe a bit stronger." - Maria
" Kindred Spirit, let us be friends, you have drank the sacred coffee and are now immortal, congrats." - Sleep deprived guy
"It was not easy, but I have come this far, and I shall go the distance with nothing but coffee in my veins." Maria said in a serious tone as they shook hands "I am Maria, keeper of all nighters, and who might you be, my kindred spirit."
"I am Tim, the keeper of sacred coffee and all that is unholy."
"It was an honor to meet you Sacred Tim, may the coffee gods guide you in your journey, sadly we must part ways, for the lunch break is over, farewell..." and with that Maria left to rejoin the group.
"Dear god where the hell did you get that much coffee?!" - Chloé
"Kindred Spirits always find a way to assemble." - Maria
"Huh, so there is someone out there who is also a sleep deprived child." - Alix
The tour continued, and Maria noticed their tour guide kept looking at her with growing concern as she slowly made her way through the lovely coffee, she finished the cup within 1 hour and 30 minutes, and most of the staff kept looking at her as she now held the empty unholy cup, that was said to put people (that weren't chosen by the coffee gods) into caffeine induced commas, but she was fine, if anything she was more awake than yesterday and today combined. So yeah Today had a rocky start, but I'd say things are only just beginning.
•—–—–†–—–—•
〜(꒪꒳꒪)〜 Bonus Art 〜(꒪꒳꒪)〜
This is what it looks like from Marias' normal vision, to her Soul Vision (~‾▿‾)~
Chapter 3 completed, hope you're all having a wonderful day, and staying positive BUG-OUT 🐞💮🐞
〜(꒪꒳꒪)〜 Tag List 〜(꒪꒳꒪)〜
1st Place★: @animegirlweeb ☕
2nd Place★: @jumpingjoy82
3rd Place★: @zalladane
4th Place★: @jayjayspixiepop
5th Place★: @arty-shadow-morningstar
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8th Place★: @fandom-trapped-03
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#miraculous ladybug#damian x marinette#marinette dupain cheng#miraculous damian wayne#miraculous fanart#miraculous fanfic#damimari#damianette#chloé bourgeois#adrien agreste#peter parker#nightwing#robin#damian wayne#maridami#marinette dupen chang#tony stark#tim drake#richard grayson#class salt#fluff#mlb x marvel#mlb x dc#batfam#badass marinette#bunnyx#ladybug and chat noir#mlb crossover#maribat#Whacky Gotham Goofy New York and Chaotic Paris
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dear... whoever | b.b.
summary: a mandated series of long and short diary entries from the new head of R&D for Stark Industries.
WARNINGS: swearing, LOTS of fluff, mentions of drinking and sex and hospitals and guns, general fun and witty attitude, small angst, big jealousy, obviously au after civil war. everything after does not exist.
pairing: bucky barnes x fem!reader
word count: 9.5k
a/n: written for @softbiker and 100% inspired by @sunmoonandbucky with the format. my prompt was let me love you by rita ora and i wrote it from the perspective the singer is singing it to rather than the actual singer. this was super fun to write. enjoy!
July 31/20
Dear…
Whoever is going to read this. So… me, in the future probably. So, it should be dear WHOMever, I think, but it sounds wrong.
Is it too cliché to say dear diary? I don’t know. After all, I don’t WANT to be writing this but unfortunately I am because it’s mandated. Apparently, the psychiatrist that works for Stark Industries thinks it’s necessary that I write down my feelings and show that I’ve adjusted to working part-time superhero, full-time head of Tony’s stupid R&D department.
Something about how that much stress can cause psychotic fractures in the worst case scenario.
Cute.
Anyway, I don’t know what to write. Currently, it’s 4:23AM. The only reason I’m awake is because I have trouble sleeping on the best night. I heard Barnes messing about and because I am the Hermit of the Rec Room Couch (catchy, I know), I can hear him just walking about.
What the hell is he even doing?
To be honest, I’ve never talked to Barnes besides the occasional greetings because he’s the sort to keep to himself, I guess, and, valid. I’m not saying it’s not, considering his history, but you know.
I think I’m a friendly person, and I’m bored. He’s eventually going to hear me writing noisily because of super-soldier hearing or whatever, so I might just get up and introduce myself.
Not that I’ve been working here for years, but whatever.
I’m really bored and hungry, honestly, so a trip to the kitchen would be considered normal (and warranted) in such circumstances.
Fuck it.
Time to make a new friend or die trying. If you never hear from me again, you’ll know why.
.
Aug. 1/20
Dear Jane,
I finally got the time to write in here and you may be wondering why I have named you. Well, after the conversation at roughly 4:30 AM, here are things that’ve changed in a disorganized list. None is more important than the other. I'm just writing what comes to my head.
One: Barnes said he doesn’t really let anyone call him James. I called him James once because I forgot. Profuse apologies followed. He said it was okay and didn’t mind me calling him that. Now, in my mind, I think he’s just saying this to be polite and really just wants me to call him Bucky but he seemed sincere. We’ll see how it goes.
Two: Barnes was awake because his cat woke him up. I didn’t even know he had a cat but it’s a gorgeous white cat named Alpine that Barnes carries around in his half-zipped up hoodies sometimes. It’s adorable. He’s super soft and friendly and I love him already. He showed me all the tricks Alpine could do. Amazing.
Three: Barnes’ favourite movie is the Godfather. Totally surprising there. Please tell me you understand sarcasm.
Four: He said he liked the name Jane when I told him what I was doing up and also in the rec room (couldn’t sleep, writing in my diary) and that I didn’t want to say “Dear diary”
“Why don’t you just give it a name?” he eloquently suggested and Jane was his answer to my question of “Which name?”
Five: Barnes, or James, I guess he is now, is my friend.
Six: We said we’d meet up at 4:30AM or earlier again because I told him I wanted to show him my s’mores dip recipe.
Seven: Wish me luck. Hope I don’t get murdered.
Eight: I think I might be in love with him.
Bye.
.
Aug. 5/20
Dear Jane,
In an effort to summarize what has happened in the past four days, I will open with the fact that James Buchana Barnes is the cutest motherfucker on the planet. He’s super old fashioned, but that’s a given. He opens the doors for me, offers to take my bags up, and in the past four days, we’ve met up at around midnight to just eat and chat. Then he walks me back to my room with a glass of water and I’m left fanning myself because it’s so sweet and he’s so sweet and OH, MY GOD, I am a child.
This feels like a crush. Like, butterflies in my stomach, self-conscious every time he looks at me, can’t stop staring, and wanting to impress him at every turn sort of crush.
AKA, a middle-school crush and I feel completely ridiculous but that is besides the point because he’s just the loveliest person.
Someone should tell him chivalry is dead. Steve thinks he’s just being sweet on me, and Sam says I should flash some ass just to get a rise out of him which would be funny. He’d look absolutely adorable blushing his head off.
We’ll see. I am considering it.
What else happened? I’m drawing a huge blank.
As explained in a previous entry, I was to show Barnes my s’mores dip recipe. Huge success. Crowd loved it. That’s how I learned he has a huge sweet tooth like me. Got an email from Pep about a board meeting which I ignored. If it’s really important, she’ll see me in person. Went swimming with Sam. We started planning Tony’s big Christmas party even though that’s MONTHS away.
But, you know. We’re so busy all the time, it might be worth it planning ahead.
As head of R&D, it’s vital to me that this goes well because they’re fun when they do go well, and a chaotic disaster when they don’t. Also, I have to find a date but details will follow.
I think that’s it.
If there’s more to follow, then I’ll just come back but there really isn’t.
Oh, Alpine found my room. He’s in here right now and he snores. It’s cute, just like his owner.
Okay, goodnight.
.
Aug. 7/20
Dear Jane,
Sam, James, and I went swimming.
Pro of the day: James is ripped and that man was GLISTENING.
Con of the day: I AM STUPID in front of hot ripped men.
Pro of the day: We got ice cream together. Strawberry for me, mango for James because he wants to try new flavours, and Sam ordered some monstrosity with vanilla ice cream, chocolate and raspberry syrups, and a bunch of banana slices. A swirl of whipped cream to finish it off. It looked like diabetes in a cup and that’s coming from me.
Con of the day: James used his thumb to wipe the ice cream off my lip and my brain short-circuited. Sam teased us about it, but James very stubbornly and convincingly said we’re just friends.
Con of the day x2: We are just friends and that is NOT going to change. I cannot explain how much my heart literally fell out of my body in disappointment.
God, and James and I are meeting up at 2AM tonight so he can show me this new stupid stuffed celerey recipe he learned.
It’s not stupid.
It’s really, REALLY cute he researched it.
This sucks.
.
Aug. 11/20
The worst day ever. I don’t want to talk about it but might as well make a note on it. More on it later, I guess.
.
Aug. 15/20
Dear Jane,
Sorry, I’m dramatic. Must get it from working with Tony for so many years.
Let’s just review what occurred on August 11, 2020, at approximately 3:23 in the afternoon.
I learned that James went out on a date. A DATE. From SAM. When James had ample opportunity to tell me at our regular meeting at witching hour over celery sticks.
EXCUSE ME? WHO IS THIS WOMAN?
I’m not even mad. I’m just angry that the man I became friends with only 2 weeks ago and caught feelings immediately for is seeing other people.
I sound like a raging bitch. I promise you, Jane, that I am not. I’m just the insanely jealous type.
No, I’m not.
God, what is happening to me and why does it have to be James.
I never get crushes and the instant I do, it’s for the most emotionally and physically unavailable person ON EARTH.
Also, work was work. I was distracted, drank soup from the canteen, and generally accomplished nothing. Alpine came for some snuggles while James was out. That’s the only good thing.
Thanks, universe.
.
Aug. 16/20
Dear Jane,
So, I brought up this mystery lady over homemade sundaes.
James seems pretty serious about her because he a) apologized for not telling because he wanted to keep it private and asked me not to tell anyone and b) has a second date with her later today.
Oh, GOD. There is no point to this.
.
Aug. 19/20
Dear Jane,
What’s the point of asking someone intimate, personal questions if not because you guys are best friends?
James called me his best friend today. He says he knows me, but if he did, he’d know I feel like throwing up whenever he’s around and that his stare burns through every layer of clothing until I feel like he just knows my secret.
I told him we’ve known each other less than a month, but he said something stupidly charming about “intuition” and feeling and that this feels right and how he knows he can tell me anything and that I was an easy person to talk to.
I should’ve been a shrink.
At least, my trip to Wakanda is going to give me distance. A solid two months of no one else but me, tech, and new faces. Going there to collaborate with Shuri is definitely exciting and taking up more space in my brain than James these days.
Maybe I’ll fall in love with some soldier over there because apparently, I’m catching feelings willy-nilly these days.
See you on the plane, Jane.
.
Aug. 23/20
Dear Jane,
On the quinjet, it’s fairly quiet. It’s one of the things I love about it. The silent yet soft engines that can lull me to sleep. We should be arriving in a few hours so I thought I’d write. I’m getting the hang of this, I think.
There's a press conference later, too, in the trip with the UN and it’s not that I can’t handle it, but that I could’ve done this in my sleep and wished Tony sent someone else. I hate the press, not gonna lie.
Anyway, this gives me time to be introspective.
Is it just me or James always Okay, is it just my imagination that whenever I try to get close to James, he just kinda pulls away? Not in a romantic way. I’m not stealing anyone’s man because girl code, but he won’t even let me just stand near him anymore. It’s like I have an infectious disease only transmitted through physical contact and it’s just weird.
I don’t know.
Before I left, he said he’d miss me and that we should keep in touch through calls (Obviously, I would) and that he hopes I won’t forget him.
So, you say those things but you won’t even let me even hug you?
You’re a manipulative asshole, Barnes.
.
Oct. 20/20
Dear Jane,
I am so sorry that it has taken so long for us to reunite.
In hindsight, I’m a fucking idiot.
I left you on the quinjet which went back to New York and a different quinjet came to pick me up. I came back like two days ago so these past few days have been spent searching for you.
James offered to help, and he seems normal again.
Weird. Guess he was just in a mood with the new girlfriend and adjusting to having me as a friend, too. Guys go through that, I guess.
In Wakanda, I did not, in fact, fall in love with a soldier or anything. I curse every day that I didn’t, trust me. I’m just as disappointed as you are because I just want to get over this stupid crush. For the two months I was gone, it was like I didn’t like James at all like that. Even during calls, I could pretend we were just two teammates keeping each other in the loop. He talked about his girlfriend, I listened, I explained science because he’s a nerd, and he asked questions like he was interested.
It was FINE.
Then, he was waiting for me when I came back to NYC and it slammed into me like Bruce in Hulk-mode.
James asked if I wanted to meet his girlfriend because she’d be coming around for the Halloween party anyway, and he thinks we’ll get along swimmingly.
He really said swimmingly. He is stuck in the wrong era, but we all knew that.
I said yes, to be polite.
Here’s to hoping she’s a vindictive bitch and I am justified in hating her entire being.
.
Oct. 22/20
Dear Jane,
I met her. She’s small and pretty and mature and normal.
If I wasn’t stupidly in my feelings about James, I’d love her, too.
She’d treat him right, give him a good home to come back to.
Best not to notice the people fighting beside you in that way, I guess.
.
Oct. 25/20
Dear Jane,
God is dead and NO ONE has eyes on the road.
Jesus isn’t even taking the wheel on this one.
It’s a fucking disaster.
I do not want to describe in every little detail the intricacies of dreaming about James Buchanan Barnes fucking my brains out, so I won’t, but this is for the record that it happened and how the fuck am I supposed to come back and see him in his probably gorgeous attempt at his recreation of Brendan Fraser from the Mummy AKA my favourite movie (which HE KNOWS THAT IT IS?? GOD, the audacity.)
Girlfriend (his girlfriend. “Girlfriend” is the name which she shall be henceforth known as in these entries because petty wins are all I have right now) is dressing as Rachel Weisz. Because “couples goals” or whatever.
I wouldn’t know. Sam and I are dressed up as sexy salt and pepper shakers (his idea, not mine) and he made me take the salt stick because I think he knows. Steve’s not dressing up because he’s more focused on handing out candy as Captain America.
Tony is… Tony. Iron Man and all that.
Anyway, I’m out of town in DC for a meeting with the Secretary of State for a few days, but I’ll be back in New York on the 30th so I’ll have a few hours to adjust to being around James again before he dons on that outfit that I know will be totally hot.
He called me his best friend again in his latest email.
Made me smile like an idiot, but I digress.
.
Nov. 1/20
Dear Jane,
Halloween was killer. Sam and I won best duo for costumes because we’re that good. Ate a lot of candy and it seems to be looking up.
I dunno. I didn’t mind James and Girlfriend on the couch that much in the after-party. Mostly stuck by Nat and Sharon and Tony. An ood trio, but a fun one nonetheless.
It was fun, but I still have to go to work no matter how many jello shots and vodka gummy bears consumed.
Wish me luck, not that I need it.
Why do you think Tony hired me?
.
Nov. 4/20
Dear Jane.
Natasha said I smile at James in a way that utterly betrays every emotion I want to hide in my chest.
Note to self: Don’t smile at James, or at his jokes, or at anything he ever does again. Avoid him. Put a stopper on this friendship.
Note to note to self: I can’t. He just makes me smile whenever he’s around and he’s always around. There’s no simpler way to put it.
I’m gonna try this hiatus thing, though. Distance myself a bit. We’ll see how it goes.
.
Nov. 13/20
Dear Jane,
Day nine of this hiatus business and it sucks. I miss my best friend.
We’re scheduled for a mission together, and we’re leaving tomorrow so I was going to have to talk to him during the briefing and the op either way.
Well, glad to know this didn’t work.
.
Nov. 15/20
Dear Jane,
Guess who just got fucking shot!
ME!
Guess even scumbags can’t take a holiday because some stupid arms dealer got a cheap shot on me while I was downloading their whole computer system and other tech mumbo-jumbo I am too high to write about.
James left a few hours ago with the rest of the team, but not before he got me a bunch of ice chips and said he was worried and that he hopes I get better soon. He even promised to get me some flowers to spruce up the room and to say my HEART went CRAZY is an understatement.
He came to my rescue, essentially, as soon as he heard I got pinned. He carried me to the quinjet the instant he cleared the area and stayed by my side the whole time even though the bleeding stopped and I was in good hands. He was just so protective, barking at doctors and nurses. It was embarrassing but also really, really sweet.
Is it weird of me to say that I want him to stay by my side forever?
I’ve never fallen in love before.
Is it always this fast and this hard? I feel like I’m crashing instead of gently and wonderfully falling. Everything is dumb and awful.
Is this what love is like? Because it hurts worse than getting shot because I think I’m going to vomit flowers or butterflies or something.
God, he’d never love me. We’re just friends and even though we have a lot in common, he’d never. It’s just too much of the past in the present or whatever.
Also, he has a girlfriend but it seems very surface-level. God, that makes me sound like a “one of the boys” type of girl who’s a bitch to one of the boy’s new girlfriends, but I don’t know. James told me they don’t really talk about the deep stuff like we do. But she makes him happy, I think.
In hindsight, one may ask what the deep stuff is.
More on that later. I’m tired.
God, why him?
I HATE THIS.
goodnight.
.
Nov. 16/20
Dear Jane,
James visited again today. He sat beside me and we talked until the nurses had to kick him out. He also brought the flowers.
I asked about Girlfriend casually. I said I liked her.
He said he did, too.
I don’t know why I think he’s lying. No, I do.
It’s because jealousy is the green-eyed bitch from highschool who still shows up in my life because she thinks she’s relevant to society.
That was mean. Unrequited love makes you mean. Side effect noted.
P.S. The deep stuff includes his past, his arm, his memory, his favourite colour. I dunno why that matters. It just does.
.
Nov. 17/20
Dear Jane,
Got out of the hospital today because of advanced technology and all that. Nothing’s left but a scar and residual soreness. James helped me to my room and said to call him if I had a problem.
I joked that he has a girlfriend and for some reason, he got really weird about it. It’s hard to describe. I dunno. Nat dropped by for popcorn and movies.
It’s 2:32AM. I’m wondering if he’s in the kitchen but I’m confined to bed rest so I don’t know. Also, Nat is asleep beside me and I don’t want to bother her.
Hopefully I can get up and move in a few days. Life is boring.
.
Nov. 24/20
Dear Jane,
Sorry we haven’t caught up in a moment. Work’s been hectic and I’ve been working overtime trying to make ends meet. Most days I’m in the office or lab, just trying to get enough things done so I can take time off come Christmas.
James stopped by tonight with Chinese takeout and some sweet buns.
He broke up with his girlfriend, too.
Guess that’s why he was being weird about it.
I tried being as casual as I could asking why, but he didn’t want to talk about it, so I asked why he came by. Couldn’t be for the company because when I’m in work mode, I just don’t talk and he knows that.
He said something about his arm feeling funny so I gave it a quick diagnostics check.
I think both of us knew his arm was feeling fine.
Everything is stupid, life is meaningless, and James’ lips are the prettiest shade of pink in the ugly lights of the lab.
I would very much like to have kissed him, but I didn’t.
Girl code.
It’ll probably be a while before I get another chance to actually have time and energy to write another diary entry. Christmas season’s coming close and Pepper is gonna need help with the party.
Yay, me.
.
Dec. 4/20
Dear Jane,
Morgan asked me in less eloquent words if I had a boyfriend (it was more like “You boyfriend?” But whatever. Who even taught her that word?) and I swear to GOD Nat could not make it anymore obvious looking at James.
Remind me to absolutely throttle her. I don’t care if she’s the infamous Black Widow. She has clearly never seen me hopped up on nothing but a negative amount of sleep and rage/embarrassment/spite/all of the above.
On another note, Pep asked if I was bringing a plus one for the party. I said I’d think about it. Normally I’d just take Sam but he has his eyes on someone at the VA and I like my friends getting laid so no go there.
Might just go alone. I don’t know.
Pep said I should take James, but I don’t really think she knows the truth about that situation. Luckily, Tony instantly rejected the idea and said he’d find me a date if I couldn’t.
Thank the universe for at least placing me in the close circle of the most well-known and richest man in the world because he also gave me his card and said go wild.
He knows me so well. I’m thinking about Christmas shopping when I have another free day, and I’ll pay for that with my own money, of course, but clothes shopping is a free market.
I cannot wait.
.
Dec. 12/20
Dear Jane,
I wish I could show you my haul, but I got so much stuff Happy had to drive to help me. Besides obvious gifts, I also managed to snag a gorgeous dress for the party.
Thoughts on black and gold?
I think it’s beautiful. Hopefully Nat and Sharon think so. We’re having a girls night tonight and showing off outfits, so that’s exciting.
James asked if we could meet up tonight.
I told him I had plans and he looked so downcast.
I dunno. Everything feels weird between us. Like we’re fine, we’re best friends still, but something’s changed when no one was looking. He’s single now. I guess that energy is different because I had gotten used to his energy with ex-Girlfriend.
I don’t exactly mind but it’s not ideal either. I miss summer. It’s much less complicated than winter. Winter, one has to worry about wind and chills and snows blocking roads, black ice, dry skin, freezing fingers.
Summer: there’s just a lot of sun, wind, bugs, and the vaguest notion of being bored.
Look, I love winter. It’s my favourite season. It’s quiet and gorgeous and dreamy, even though it gets dreary in New York. The snow falls slowly sometimes, Christmas is gorgeous here, and I’d rather be cold than sweating buckets, and there are no bugs to bother me. Also, it gives me a good reason to stay in the labs or in my room where it’s warm and toasty.
I just miss the relative simplicity when James and I were just strangers on the edge of being friends, which is, in retrospect, a selfish reason to like one season and hate another.
Well, some philosopher somewhere probably said something about humanity being selfish.
.
Dec. 16/20
Dear Jane,
T-minus nine days until the party.
No date in sight.
Maybe I’ll ask Anderson from HR. We had coffee together a few times and he’s nice. Good catch: smart, not too bad looking, and really nice. I’ll head down tomorrow and ask.
Alpine had purred when I told him my plan and headbutted my hand, so I guess I got the Alpine-Seal-of-Approval.
.
Dec. 17/20
Dear Jane,
Operation: Ask Anderson from HR to Tony’s Christmas Party failed. Granted, it could’ve been because that was a god awful title and that that name, in itself, prophesied catastrophic failure, but also because I was accosted by my best friend.
I wish I meant Sam.
Nope. James caught me in the elevator and we made small talk. Sounds fine, right? Then we turned the topic to the party. Talked about clothes and prospective celebrity appearances and drinks and food. Just about everything, so might as well turn to talks about dates, which meant I had to explain why I was in the elevator in the first place.
Going down to ask Anderson ended in James revealing that he didn’t have a date either.
He doesn’t know who Anderson is, which I thought would be the case, and he popped the question before the doors opened.
Notice how I said “didn't” have a date.
Guess who’s going to the party with James, clearly stated as friends, platonic soulmates, etc.?
Me.
Yippee.
.
Dec. 18/20
Dear Jane,
It’s 3:42AM and I’m in the rec room as usual. I was gonna not write here today but it normally helps me sleep to just write a bit, get what little thoughts are in my head out. Yeah.
I hear James in the kitchen talking to Alpine and it’s making me smile like an idiot.
Oh, shit, he knows I’m in here. He’s making milkshakes.
I am morally obligated by best friend duties to join him.
Goodnight, Jane.
.
Dec. 24/20
Dear Jane,
I’m not sleeping with James Buchanan Barnes tomorrow night.
This is a resolute promise. An early New Year’s resolution.
.
Dec. 25/20
Dear Jane,
Merry Christmas!
In between jovial festivities, I’ve finally found a little nook that’s quiet enough to write in. We opened presents, had a big family breakfast, went skating and just lounged around, and frankly, I’m exhausted. Need to recharge the old social battery.
Among the assortment of gifts is one that stands out to me. James got me a gift that said “Open When Alone” and I did before I started this entry and it was a fucking necklace. Like, a gorgeous one. It’s gold and thin and it feels wonderful. There’s a little cat paw charm on it and it’s so pretty because he has a matching bracelet for himself and I have still not yet recovered.
It’s just so sweet and it reminds me why I love him.
Yes, love has made me unbelievably sappy. I just heaved the biggest sigh in history.
Unfortunately, I have to go earlier tonight. To the party, as written in previous entries. I remember my oath of one-night celibacy and I intend on keeping it, despite how fucking endearing this gift was, because he said it best: we’re just friends. I’m not about to coerce my best friend into sleeping with me out of a piteous, unrequited love. That’s just gross.
You will either see me hungover tomorrow, or very drunk later tonight. It’s all very depending on how this night turns out.
.
Dec. 26/20
Dear Jane,
Fuck.
P.S. He REALLY does not mind me calling him James. Take that as dirtily or as clandestinely as you wish.
.
Dec. 27/20
Dear Jane,
I spent the entire day in bed with very pleasurable company.
I am SO GLAD we haven’t gotten called in because James doesn’t leave unless to go to sleep in his own bed or to eat, and I do NOT want to explain to the team that James fucked my brains out for two days straight because my heart is bursting.
He’s a good kisser. His lips are soft.
Intimate knowledge of that is now burned into my memory for future reference.
God, this is a dream come true. He doesn’t even question it, he just
It’s like I’m a goddess to him. He treats me like one, at least, and it’s like he’ll do anything I ask. And we act like it’s normal, too. Midnight trips to the kitchen included.
Best Christmas ever.
.
Dec. 28/20
Dear Jane,
I feel like I’m ignoring you but I’m also having the best sex of my life. He’s just… so fucking good and it’s a holiday and holy shit my mind is blown.
Love at first meeting isn’t real.
Well, maybe this one time, it was destiny.
.
Dec. 29/20
Dear Jane,
It isn’t just the sex, you know? It’s the pillowtalk, too. He just makes me laugh so much and everything is so easy between us and it feels real. Popcorn and chips in bed, some mojitos, just each other’s presence. It’s enough like that, you know?
Some quote about how the one you love should be both your lover and your best friend is in my head but I’m too lazy to look it up. James’ head is in my lap and he’s just reading while I’m writing and everything seems perfect.
He doesn’t ask what I’m writing because he knows it’s private and I trust him.
This is perfect.
I think I really am IN love with him.
.
Jan. 1/21
You know that cliché/tradition of New Year’s kisses?
WELL THEN.
Best (and worst) New Year’s ever. I’ll explain more later. I’m too tired and too angry and also sore and bruised.
See you when I’m not hungover.
.
Jan. 5/21
Dear Jane,
I’m finally stable enough to write.
In a crazy turn of events, Barnes and I got into a fight because of what happened after New Year’s Day’s events: I caught him leaving before I woke up and at first, curious questions ensued, and it wasn’t a fight but then it became one and I don’t even know how it happened. I wasn’t even mad. He just started being weird and I got annoyed and we tried and failed to keep our voices down. Luckily, my room is pretty soundproof.
Things just got out of hand and I feel like tearing my hair out. I wanna storm up to him and just yell some more.
Tony came into my room and didn’t say shit about my hickies and the fact that James is avoiding me like the plague. He gave me a really good hug, though and then gave me a few weeks off extra. I don’t know how he knows, but then again, it’s Tony.
He just said love’s tough sometimes.
Yeah, tell me about it.
I’m thinking about just taking a long vacation and disappearing. It seems like a good route to take at this point.
.
Jan. 6/21
Dear Jane,
James is looking at me right now as I write this. I wonder if I should look back or if he’s going to come up to me. We’ll see.
I’m only writing this so it seems like I’m busy. I’m running out of things to say, honestly. Can he just go? What’s the point in staring like that? What’s the point?
I could ask myself the same question. What’s the point in loving someone who’ll never love you? Yeah, he’s sleeping with me but he pulls away every time I try to do something more. Outside the bubble of my room and the small time frame of post-11PM to around 4:45AM, he acts like he’s allergic to intimacy.
It was never like that with ex-Girlfriend.
Maybe it’s something to do with me.
I don’t know, but he keeps looking and I want to get up and leave, but I won’t. I’m not gonna let him win.
.
Jan. 6/21
He didn’t. He just went out. Sam and Steve asked if I was okay because as soon as he left, I got up for the bathroom and screamed into a towel.
I don’t think either of them knows what’s going on, but they have a notion.
.
Jan. 9/21
Dear Jane,
He apologized. Still no explanation as to why, but it feels weird.
I told him I’m going on a vacation to Switzerland. Go skiing or something and asked if he wanted to come.
It was stupid to ask, but he said yes.
Shit.
.
Jan. 14/21
Dear Jane,
Switzerland is lovely.
No work is relaxing. Awkwardness between me and the other traveller on this vacation. Weather’s supposed to be nice when we get there. Sunny snow days, pretty mountains, other Swiss things.
No other comment.
.
Jan. 21/21
Dear Jane,
I lasted all of a week.
Yep, I slept with him again, and yes, he was back in his hotel bed come sunrise.
I dunno. I’m over it. We don’t apologize and hope everything gets back to normal because neither of us want to say anything to ruin it any further and we both have a major fear of the complicated. To be fair, he said he didn’t want to sleep with me if I was completely against it.
Also, I tried calling him Bucky at dinner like ex-Girlfriend (and everyone else) does and he made the most disgusted face.
He said, and I quote, “Bucky? When did I stop being James?”
I told him I was trying something out and he said it failed. Snarky bastard.
I guess if he’s still James, that must mean I’m still special.
That’s the Tony-inherited ego talking.
But it does make me exceptionally happy to play with the idea that I’m special to him. Best friend with convoluted benefits. Sounds like the title of a very long-winded self-help book that doesn’t really help much but that does sound like the story of my life so I can’t complain too much.
We’re going home in a few days.
I’ll probably sleep with him again. Bet Steve’s shield that I do.
.
Jan. 24/21
Dear Jane,
I get three Steve’s shields because I was right every single fucking day.
He’s like a habit I can’t quite kick and don’t really want to.
We snuggled afterwards last night. His arm was around my shoulders, we were naked, I was resting my head on his chest. For a moment, it felt like something couples do and then I fell asleep and woke up alone.
Quantum physics is easier to understand than this but I think we’re being mutually exclusive right now, so it’s almost dating.
I dunno. I don’t mind it anymore. It’s better than nothing.
.
Feb. 2/21
Dear Jane,
I’m absolutely miserable.
I’m still getting laid, but that’s not related. Correlation and causation or something.
Why is New York so dreary and when can everything just stop?
I don’t know. Winter is ending and now it’s in that awful transition phase between seasons and it’s mucky and rainy and disgusting. Tony got these limited edition ice cream flavours though so I’m gonna ask James if we can make milkshakes out of them or something.
He doesn’t like the muck either. That’s not really relevant, I guess.
.
Feb. 14/21
Dear Jane,
I got flowers and chocolate from the department because I think they can sense I’ve been in a bad mood since forever. Then, there was an anonymous delivery and inside was this gorgeous chain bracelet that matches the necklace sort of. I lied and told the department it was from Pepper.
What a wretched holiday.
Yours truly.
.
Feb. 18/21
Dear Jane,
Normally, when boys get their haircut, they look ugly for a day or two after.
Not James.
He got his hair cut shorter and he looks really good. Like unbelievably good. Short hair fits him just as much as long hair does.
No other observations.
.
Feb. 25/21
Dear Jane,
It was Morgan’s birthday party today. James came in one of those brown jackets with the sheepskin wool inside and he looked so good. We mainly stayed apart to prevent any dalliance because one does not disappear from the Madame Secretary’s birthday party and the team doesn’t really know what’s happening behind the scenes except for Nat and Tony, really.
I really wanted to kiss him in front of our friends. I caught him staring a few times, and every time, the smile seemed to vanish off his face.
I’m lying in bed and it feels pretty empty.
It occurs to me that I’ve been in love for a pretty long time and I’m not even in a relationship with the guy.
Energy could’ve been devoted to so many other things and I’d hate being in love if it weren’t for the fact that it’s James.
Again, love making me sappy and all that.
.
Feb. 28/21
Dear Jane,
Jane is such a common name. Some would call it plain yet it means gift from God.
I wonder if James knew that.
.
Mar. 10/21
Dear Jane,
It’s James’ birthday. Birthday sex is a requirement and a desire. I also got him a gift which is a pair of new black Timbs. I hope he likes them. I’m excited for cake, I guess. Morgan did my makeup but I’m gonna have to wipe it off for the small little party tonight.
I think, ordinarily, I’d be in knots because it’s James’ birthday and I love him and he’s my best friend, but I just don’t know. March is fairly boring and contemplative and rainy. Work is work. Helen Cho did a presentation on her Cradle technology. Very cool.
.
Mar. 20/21
Dear Jane,
It’s raining and doesn’t feel like spring. Alpine vomited on my bed a few days ago because he’s not feeling well. James and I took him to the vet and he’s on antibiotics. Poor boy. He’s sleeping in the corner of my room right now while James is away on a mission. I think I’ll just work from my room for a bit until he’s feeling better.
Nothing much to report, which is why I didn’t write anything. The month passed by too quickly. James should be back by the end of the month. I miss him and not because of the sex. No one else who doesn’t work for me or pays me listens to me ramble on their own free will. Talking to screens just isn’t the same.
.
April 1/21
James got back really early this morning and I, by tradition, was awake. I sort of wish I wasn’t though. In true April Fool’s tradition, I made fun of him for being a day late to which he genuinely apologized. I told him to shower and get to sleep but he was in that mood where you’re so exhausted you’re wide awake.
James suggested we make really strong cocktails for each other as a celebration for an extraction mission completed successfully.
Who am I to say no to celebrating?
He really likes grapefruit juice so I made a REALLY strong Grapefruit Paloma. He made this really interesting drink that was purple and tasted like oranges and cranberries. A lot of blue curacao was in it so it was pretty bitter but it hit like a fucking truck which is probably why I didn’t understand anything he said at first.
He told me he loved me.
I think, somehow, he managed to get drunk after the Grapefruit Paloma and two more bottles of vodka. Don’t ask me how because Steve NEVER gets drunk. Maybe HYDRA-brand serum is faulty? I don’t know.
I asked if he knew what date it was. He laughed really loudly, said no, realized, stuttered apologies and then said it again.
It was the most perfect sound in the world and it was the best moment in recent history.
Or, the sickest practical joke.
Consensus not yet reached.
.
April 2/21
Dear Jane,
I asked if he remembered what happened yesterday morning.
He did not.
Sickest practical joke confirmed.
.
April 9/21
Dear Jane,
I’ve been avoiding writing because I’ve felt a whole lot of nothing. Everything is abysmal and James’ confession is all I can think about. Tony’s on my ass about slipping and he has half the mind to put me on paid leave until I get my shit together, both as the head of the department and as an agent.
Drunk words are sober thoughts, all that garbage.
I wish I could live my whole life drunk and honest. Maybe then I wouldn’t be in this situation where I’m stuck in eternal limbo with my best friend whom I’m in love with. Minus the drunk part.
Duty demands I return to this weathered journal until it’s finished so we’ll see. I might be back this month. Maybe not.
.
May 1/21
Dear Jane,
It rained a lot in April so now the flowers are blooming early. April showers bring May flowers. Guess it has some merit to it.
Limbo sucks. Its inescapable nature, its terrible facade of everything seeming fine when it really isn’t.
Of course, James still makes me smile, but nothing seems really okay when I let myself stop for a second.
I’m going out with Steve to a charity thing tomorrow. Should be a few hours worth of not thinking and free booze. Oh, and James and I made out in one of the quinjets after dinner today.
Felt weird considering we aren’t a couple, but it happened spontaneously as that is the nature of our relationship, it appears.
The cause also happens to be the cure of melancholy. Weird.
.
May 6/21
Dear Jane,
For context, it’s 5:23AM.
Went for a walk in Madison Square and then Central Park with James yesterday, although in my head it’s still today. We met up with Nat for some training at the gym. Got a bit mobbed by fans and the paps who asked if we were dating like we’re the tabloid’s biggest scoop.
We weren’t even holding hands, but I guess it’s just another reason why we shouldn’t be TOGETHER together in public.
We had another deep stuff talk again in bed after the usual business. I wanted to ask what this is between us and if he’s pursuing other options, because I’m not and I wanted to know if I should, but I also didn’t want to ruin the vibe.
He was in a good mood today, and seeing as sometimes he has nightmares, I thought it was best I don’t ruin it. He thinks I don’t notice but how do I not notice? He’s my best friend.
I kissed his cheek when he got up to leave and he kissed me goodbye on the lips.
I guess that means something.
.
May 17/21
Dear Jane,
In a moment of complete boredom, I listened to Imagine Dragons’ new album. It wasn’t too bad, to be honest, but Sharon thought it could’ve been better. Whatever.
.
May 22/21
Dear Jane,
Ran into ex-Girlfriend today. She still has that whole sunshine thing going on still. We had coffee and she asked if I got together with James yet.
I choked on my coffee and nearly died on the spot.
That’s how I learned that James apparently broke it off softly and ex-Girlfriend had, very wisely and knowingly, said that he should chase the apple of his eye before I (the apple) rotted alone and forgotten at the trunk of the tree. Or, as any sane person would say (and ex-Girlfriend DID say), get picked from the tree by another hand.
She said it was quite obvious that I was in love with James even months ago. She also thanked me for being so nice, anyway, and that it must’ve been difficult. What a fucking SAINT.
I set her up with a date with Steve because they have the same energy, honestly, and that’s going down on the 26th barring any emergencies.
Call me Cupid, but I think I just constructed the perfect match made in heaven.
Mentioned this meeting to James minus the apple detail. He asked if she was doing okay, which she was, and seemed glad for that. Between kisses and his sneaking hand beneath the covers, he also asked if there was anything else. Not really much to say on that front.
.
June 3/21
Dear Jane,
It’s starting to dry up consistently, now. It’s getting warmer, too. Sam brought me flowers and told me to at least turn the air-con on if I was gonna be stuck in the lab all day. Oh, the simplicities of summer are hopefully returning. Got out early and hung out with Morgan at the park in the evening.
It’s nice to hang out with someone so blissfully unaware with the stupidity of love. All Morgan cares about is grass and buttercups she grabs from the ground. She doesn’t have to worry about how to tell the guy she’s in love with that she loves him.
Oh, didn’t you hear? Nat said I should just buck the fuck up and tell him.
And Nat is scary when not listened to.
Much to brainstorm about.
.
June 14/21
Dear Jane,
Just here to brainstorm some ideas for future Stark Industries projects and thought I’d preface it with a small diary entry. Nothing really happened. Work’s catching up for some reason and bad guys are acting up. I’ve pulled a few all nighters, not gonna lie.
Really tired, but in a good, productive way. Haven’t thought much on the James front. Gonna have to focus on that after everything calms down.
.
June 20/21
Dear Jane,
It’s officially summer and yet today was awful with only subtle hints of being okay.
So much for simplicity.
In the evening, I read on the hammock on the balcony. No one really bothered me except James, but he’s never a bother.
Steve and ex-Girlfriend (who will now be reidentified as Girlfriend) are pretty cute, and she meshes well with the group. There’s nothing really awkward between her, James, or me, so I guess two people’s summers are going well. Bully for them.
Didn’t really eat. Was too busy working. James got me dinner. Didn’t feel right and just kept working. This whole agreement between us has been very flexible but we really need to fit in a session soon.
I’ll make it work somehow.
.
June 22/21
Dear Jane,
I got my wish and didn’t at the same time. We spent the whole day in the sheets (very blissfully relaxing) and I, stupidly and with very little sleep, let it slip.
In less elegant terms, I told him I loved him. It felt very real and genuine and very-out-of-a-movie, but his reaction was less so.
What did I say? Allergic to intimacy.
He tried to play it off as best friends and even that was uncomfortable, but I, very seriously and very foolishly, corrected him that “no, James Buchanan Barnes, I am IN LOVE with you.”
He left a few minutes ago, saying something about heading down to the gym, but I know he’s just trying to avoid me.
God, how am I so stupid?
.
June 25/21
Dear Jane,
I haven’t seen James in a few days. I thought he was avoiding me but turns out he’s out of the country. Something about protection for whatever dignitary is travelling at the end of the month. I don’t know.
I wasn’t assigned to that op so the details weren’t shared liberally. Sam just said it’d be a while during the ambassador’s entire stay. High threat level which is why the Avengers were contracted.
I just hope he stays safe. I know he probably took off to take his mind off things, but I don’t know how he’s focusing when all I can think of is those three little words.
I love you.
Seems so fake the more I hear it in my head, but his reaction was so real that I think I might’ve just irreversibly messed things up.
.
July 12/21
Dear Jane,
It’s been a hectic couple of weeks. If future me finds this with blotted words, it’s because I am indeed crying while writing this.
James was medically evac’ed last night and transferred back to New York. Helen Cho was flown in from her medical conference in Minnesota where she was showcasing the newest version of the Cradle.
There was an assasination attempt and James is fucked up bad.
Holy shit, I’m so scared. I’ve never been so scared in my life. It’s like an invisible demon has my heart in his claw-like hands and he’s squeezing with all his might. I think my heart might explode.
I just want to hold his hand but he’s so high risk no one’s allowed to see him right now.
The waiting room is too quiet. Steve’s holding on to Girlfriend’s hand so hard I think her bones are broken but she’s taking it like a champ. Nat’s pacing, slowly patting a sleeping Morgan who she’s carrying. Sam and Tony are talking about stuff.
It’s too quiet.
I’m so scared.
.
July 13/21
They got him into the Cradle. Thank God. I think I might cry some more out of relief, but he was conscious for a few minutes earlier and he’s stable now.
It’s really late at night but they extended privileges to me to stay with him so I’m just sitting here, writing. Listening to the Cradle do its thing and the monitors do theirs.
When he was conscious, I was with him. He said some stuff under his breath but the one thing I could make out was “I’m an idiot.”
Granted, he’s right. It was supposed to be Steve or Tony on that mission. You know, people with more defense op experience, but he had to go out and volunteer himself.
I feel sort of guilty.
It’s partially my fault, isn’t it?
I think I’ll try to tuck in for tonight. I wanna be awake when he wakes up, too.
.
July 14/21
Dear Jane,
James woke up today. He’s still in the Cradle (lots of internal damage spread throughout the body) but he’s conscious. He saw me and immediately tried to sit up which was sweet, but when he couldn’t, he just told me to come closer and then told me that he loved me.
I called him an idiot for running away. I told him he really scared me. I told him that I loved him so fucking much. I told him that I feel so guilty and he just held my face and said that it will never be my fault.
He’s so fucking romantic, even when he’s lying down with a wound being stitched closed live in front of my eyes.
Oh, and he kissed me. I don’t think I noticed how much I actually missed him until that moment.
I don’t know how to describe the feeling in my chest. It’s a mixture between super happy and super scared and super, super warm inside. Summer might be looking up.
.
July 18/21
Dear Jane,
We got home today. James is staying in my room. The team doesn’t say anything about it. We’re best friends, after all, but I think they’ve known for a long time that there’s something more. Some of them are just too polite to say so.
I won’t have much time to write over the next couple of days. James has to be kept on a strict, extremely healthy diet and medicine regime.
I don’t care. I’m just glad he’s home.
He’s kissing me a lot more, now. Alpine likes the fact that his two humans are now in the same room. He purrs so loudly, I can hear him from where he’s dozing, curled up underneath James’ chin. He (James) is resting after his second round of antibiotics for the day while I work from my room, and sometimes I catch myself looking back just to make sure he’s okay.
I’m going to go kiss him now.
Be right back.
.
July 21/21
Dear Jane,
It’s almost Nat’s birthday (the 26th). Super exciting. James is back on solids and I’m helping him around with walking. Even with the Cradle and the healing factor, he’s still super banged up, so it’s better safe than sorry.
We had a really long talk about love and stuff. It’s good to finally have it out in the open. It was mostly me talking about my side of things and he just nodded a lot. I know he was listening though.
We also kissed a lot, like seventeen year old couples who are heavy on the PDA, but within the privacy of my room. I dunno. I like the heat of his arms and the way he kisses the shell of my ear when he’s bored or it’s a commercial break.
It feels very natural.
I am very much in love with him.
I tell him that and he always looks skeptical, but whatever. He doesn’t have to say it back (I tell him that there’s no pressure) and he’ll get it through his thick skull eventually that he’s now stuck with me.
.
July 25/21
Dear Jane,
We made cookies in the early AM as tradition for the party tomorrow and I told him that I love him (again, but this time he didn’t run, nor has he the past few times. Fantastic).
While the cookies were baking, he explained everything on his side of the story: how he was scared to be vulnerable, how opening up to me is just different and new and scary and I get it. I really do. I know how it feels to think you don’t deserve good things and sabotage feels like the only way to save everyone from hurt.
He smiled a lot more after that. I guess he’s just glad I get it.
One day, I’ll successfully convince James that he deserves everything good this world has to offer.
Until then, I’ll just keep trying.
P.S. He said, with less hesitation than the first time, that he loves me, too. Best. Day. Ever.
P.P.S. The cookies are so good and I want to devour them all. I could barely stop James from eating all of them. Again: Best. Day. Ever.
.
July 26/21
Dear Jane,
In summary of today:
Happy birthday, Natasha.
James has been given the clear bill of health which is exciting. Also, I asked him about the Jane and gift of God thing.
He knew. “Intuition” and all that. He also said I looked “like a royal dame” in my swimsuit. Smug idiot just trying to be charming.
I love him and that’s the only reason it works.
Back to the festivities.
.
July 27/21
Dear Jane,
Good morning to you and to James who’s still in my bed at a ripe 6:23AM, fast asleep.
Progress. Now, back to sleep.
.
July 27/21
Dear Jane,
It’s now 9:49AM and James greeted me with orange juice and waffles. He said I was cute when I slept. Creep.
He also said he tried so many times to stay in my bed after, before we were like we are now, but he never could, and now he’s upset that he missed out on my cute sleeping/waking up for the day face every time he did so.
He is exceptionally cute when he’s pouting.
I think we’re officially boyfriend-girlfriend, but we’ll work out the semantics on that later. For now, it’s another summer day together. He suggested Chinese takeout for dinner because I have to go dip back into the lab later today to check on some samples.
I agreed and he kissed me in promise like it was our “thing.” I can’t stop smiling like an idiot.
Massive progress.
.
July 28/21
Dear Jane,
He told me I was the only one for him.
Also, he kissed me in front of our friends for the first time. Natasha yelled “FINALLY” and pushed us into the pool. Sam laughed and then I grabbed him and threw him into the pool. Ensuing: a water fight for the ages.
For a day: 10/10
.
July 31/21
Hey Jane,
I think I’m happy.
I’m sorry I ever doubted the effects of writing down my feelings.
James has a romantic trip to uptown planned for our first date and he said it’ll take the whole day so I thought I’d get this entry in the morning. I dunno. It’s really early and the happy thought was the first thing that came to my head.
Weird, but it’s a good weird.
See you in a bit.
#fic: dear... whoever#bucky barnes#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x reader fluff#bucky barnes fic#bucky barnes fanfiction#bucky barnes imagine#bucky barnes x you#bucky x you#bucky x reader#bucky fic#bucky imagine#sebastian stan#sebastian stan x reader#sebastian stan x you#sebastian stan fanfiction#sebastian stan fic#sebastian stan imagine#my writing#25 things challenge
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Could you write some Dad!Neil x reader please? Like instead of (SPOILERS) dying, he gets to go home and he has a girlfriend, who was pregnant at the time Neil was recruited, and they end up having their first kid.
(I decided to make these two, idk why. I just did it, hope it’s okay. @cherryflavouredlipbalm )
Bug - Dad!Neil {TENET}
Words: 1.1k+
Type: Fluff
Warnings: Maybe some misspelling? Fem!Reader. Pregnant!Reader.
Neil has been on a mission for over 3 months. It might not seem like that long to some people but it sure was for your pregnant self and your son.
Y/S/N is almost two years old and loves his dad dearly, but his absence is always something very sad for him. Especially if he has a mission during a big holiday or one of your birthdays.
Neil tried to be as present as he could for the first year, but after that, his work just told him that he had to come back. No excuses. A year, in their eyes, was long enough.
You can’t judge them too much. Their selection of agents is already small, they don’t want to make it even smaller for personal reasons.
This time, his mission was smaller than it usually is, which can be a plus. But, also, not really, because that means that he can be accepted into another still in this year, and we’re in November.
Now, it’s 4:30am and Neil is finally coming back home. He’s more than excited about this but he hates the fact that you will probably wake up this early because of him.
The front door of the apartment opens and the light from the hallway rushes inside the dark front lobby. Neil drags his bag inside as his backpack hangs loosely over his shoulder, and he walks in his home.
As he was about to turn on the lights, sounds come from the dark kitchen. He frowns and lets his backpack fall to the ground in a soft thud, deciding to go check it out.
Neil walks over to the kitchen and soft patter of feet is heard. He stretches his hand to the wall and light rushes in the room.
The small toddler jumps on his feet, almost tumbling to the ground, at the light being turned on. Y/S/N turns around to meet, what he thought, his mother’s tired and disapproving look, but instead, he sees his dad.
“Daddy?” He whispers yells and a smile stretches over his face.
Neil smiles at the sight of the chubby-cheeked toddler, the chubbiness mostly from sleeping. One of his cheeks is also marked by his blanket, giving Neil an extra indicator that he just woken up.
“Hey bud” Neil whispers and walks over to the kid, picking him up.
Y/S/N stretches his small arms around his dad’s neck and hugs him close. Neil leaves a kiss on his shoulder and leans his head back to take a look at his kid.
“What were you doing here, bug?”
“Water” He explains.
Neil frowns playfully at him and a cheeky smile grows on the toddler’s face, finding it funny that his dad caught onto him faster than you. And that’s impressive.
“Are you sure about that?”
He nods and Neil nods with him with a smile.
He secures Y/S/N on his hip and walks over to the cabinets that hold the glasses. He grabs one and fills it with water. He brings it to Y/S/N lips and the small kid wraps his small hands around the cup, taking small sips of the cold water.
As soon as he pulls away from the cup, Neil puts it down on the counter and starts walking back out of the kitchen. Y/S/N leans into his chest, smelling his familiar cologne, and keeps quiet as they walk to his bedroom.
Knowing very well that when the lights are off, it means that mommy is sleeping.
Neil is quick to lay Y/S/N down and tuck him in before walking over to your shared bedroom. He makes sure that his kid’s night light is on and leaves the door halfway open.
“Good night, bug” He whispers yells.
The toddler lifts his head off the pillow to search for his dad in the darkness.
“Good night, daddy” He whispers back into the darkness, assuming that he’s somewhere close.
Neil walks to your bedroom, and under the dim lighting from the city (coming from the large windows that cover the whole wall of your room), he sees your sleeping form.
He walks over to the bathroom to go and take a quick shower before bed, careful not to awake you with any sound, it probably being him opening a drawer or letting something fall.
In a matter of 10 minutes, he’s done with his shower and already clothed with his new change of clothes.
Unfortunately for him, as soon as he opened the bathroom door and the light rushed in the room, you woke up.
You open your eyes in the darkness of the room confused with the sudden flash of light and as soon as you moved to scrub your sleepy eyes, a voice stops you.
“It’s just me, go back to sleep” Neil whispers, hoping that you’re too sleepy to acknowledge that it’s him, and your eyes snap open.
“Neil?”
In the dim lighting Neil walks over to the bed you’re lying in.
“Yeah?”
“When did you get here?” You ask, sitting up in bed.
“20 minutes ago,”
He sits down next to you on the bed and you’re quick to wrap your arms around him. Neil lets out a chuckle before wrapping his arms around you as well.
He smells just like the day he left, probably from the shower he just took, but that is just as comforting as you had wished.
Your hand lays over his wet hair, making you almost sigh in how much you missed touching it.
“I missed you” You whisper in the crook of his neck.
“I missed you too” He whispers back.
Neil presses a kiss on the side of your head, and you melt at his touch.
“Y/S/N is going to freak out” You comment when pulling away slightly.
“He already saw me” He answers with a smile and you frown, confused, “When I got here, he was getting water”
You laugh at his words and his smile widens at the sight and sound of it. As you calm down, your hands rest over his cheeks and you press a kiss onto his lips.
Once you two pull away from the kiss, a small smile appears in both of your faces.
“How is she doing?” He asks, laying a hand over your swollen stomach.
“She’s doing good” You answer, laying one of your hands over his, “The doctor says she’s super healthy”
Neil smiles while looking down at your hands and your stomach, and before he could say anything else, he remembers what time it is.
You must be super tired.
“We should go to sleep” Neil offers.
“Yeah,” You say, taking a look at your alarm, eyes widening at the sight of how early it is, “We really should”
Neil lays a soft kiss over your cheek and gets up, walking around the bed, sitting and laying down on his side.
You roll around to face him and he’s quick to pull you close to him. And in less of a minute, you are back in your deep sleeping, but, this time, in Neil’s arms.
- - - - -
Hope you enjoyed it 🥰
#neil x reader#robert pattinson x reader#neil tenet x reader#tenet imagines#neil#neil imagine#tenet#tenet imagine#robert pattinson#robert pattinson imagine
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