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#but the idea that others see me without the lense of growth and self love that i do......!
shirbertshitposts · 4 years
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What are your thoughts on the fact that, while Gilbert goes to UoT, Anne goes to UoT? Even if the books underdeveloped their relationship (if it weren't for the internal monologue in Anne of the Island you wouldn't know how close they are, as they interact 10 times at most) its great to see both of them as academic equals in Redmond. I feel like miss Stacey would have pushed Anne towards a scholarship/research just as she did with Gilbert. I'm actually surprised this isn't more of a debate!
I want to start by saying that I do enjoy the show but this will probably become a rant about how the education plot was handled.
To sum it up I don’t like it, and there is a lot of reasons behind it.
I have a lot of questions about it.
1) Is Queens a four year undergraduate college in AWAE and not a teaching school? Because those are two different types of educational institutions...
In the books Anne does at accelerated program at Queens College to get her teaching degree in one year. A lot of her other classmates also go there and get their teaching degrees. Gilbert does the accelerated program as well and they remain academic rivals. The two years that they are teachers, both saving up money to be able to afford to go to Redmond (also with the help of scholarships) for a 4 year undergraduate program seem like important parts of their character growth. They are poor ambitious students from a small rural town. Not everyone from Avonlea goes to Redmond with them or saved up for it on their own, so it is something that sets them apart from the rest of the people they grew up with. It makes sense that they would have to struggle and save money for a bit before they can pursue their educational dreams.
In AWAE this seemingly would still be relevant. Green Gables has fallen on hard times before and Gilbert expresses to Miss Stacy that he doesn’t think he could afford a nice university. How is Gilbert able to afford to attend U of T? He sent in his application late, I doubt he got any scholarship money. Also what is the plan for Anne is she still going to become a teacher in one year and immediately start working because it’s not necessary for her to get a B.A. to teach and AWAE Anne still seems like the type of character who would want to help support her family and work as soon as possible.
2) Why is Gilbert concerned about medical school before he has even finished their equivalent of high school? And what does he have against Queens?
I am not going to pretend that I know the history of medical education perfectly. But I’ve tried to look into it and as far as I can tell in 1899 medical schools required that you have a undergraduate degree first. So he is definitely going to U of T for undergrad. Yes, you can be involved in medical research as an undergrad, but it’s not imperative to the path to becoming a doctor. Back then and still today people often get undergrad degrees in other non-medical related subjects and then go onto medical school. What doesn’t he like about Queen? Does it have poor science curriculum? No medical research opportunities at all? We literally have no idea why he thinks it doesn’t suit his educational goals. If Queens is still a teachers college, which we also don’t know for sure, then it would make sense if he was like actually I dont have plans to be a teacher why should I go here first, BUT WE LITRALLY KNOW NOTHING In the books Gilbert got his B.A. in classics, wouldn’t that be interesting to dive into the AWAE. Imagine him having an interest outside of medicine for once. I think this is also just me being salty that they made so much of Gilbert’s personality “i want to be a doctor” and that influences like all of his interactions at school. People, especially people so young, are not typically so defined by their career choices. (Also mini-rant: Gilbert’s had a revelation that western medicine doesn’t have all the answers and his solution to that was to then to aspire to go to the peak of western medical practice in Paris...okay).
3) Also was anyone else a little surprised that even with his amount of ambition Gilbert would be so quick to go somewhere so far away?
Season 2 ends with him saying he wants to be close to his family. At the end of season 3 I think his family still could use his support. Mary died less than 6 months before college starts. Yeah, Hazel lives them but Bash’s relationship with her is fraught. Plus I guessing Gilbert will still have to help with harvesting each season. Wouldn’t it have made more sense that he would want to only be like a short train ride away for the time being. Bash is his brother... is he not at all concerned about leaving him in an emotionally vulnerable time for large extended periods.
4) To respond to the initial question why wouldn’t Miss Stacy encourage Anne to look at other universities:
This doesn’t bother me as much because Miss Stacy doesn’t say anything to Gilbert until he mentions it. I think if Anne expressed any interest to going somewhere beyond Queens Miss Stacy would have gladly directed her but she didn’t. Miss Stacy seemingly only offers help when the students ask specifically for it rather than encouraging them to strive beyond what they already know they want. It makes sense that Anne would be content to go to Queens. She just found a home at Green Gables, she is not going to want to move far from it at this point no matter how smart or ambitious she is. Her biggest dream growing up was to find a family that loves and accepts her. She is not going to walk away from that easily. Right before she leaves for Queens we see her tell Marilla that she wants to stay and do chores at Green Gables. The thought of leaving, even for something exciting that she worked for is scary to her. She has only had a home for 3 years. Also becoming a teacher is one of her ambitions but it seems her bigger dream is to effect change in her community wherever that may be, and she has already begun to do that in Avonlea. I think Anne is mature enough to know that she can be a force of change wherever she is, whereas Gilbert is still trying to find himself. When they talk at Miss Stacy’s house Anne says she knows what she wants to be, but Gilbert just says what he knows he doesn’t want to be.
To sum it up I would have liked to seem them both become teachers and save for college to set them apart from their classmates and have them bond over being equally ambitious like in the books. And I agree I loved them being academic equals in college together. Also Gilbert looking down on Queens College without explanation was in poor taste.
Oh and I think it’s important to look at this from the lense of the time period if possible because how people chose to go to college and who got to go was different from now. In the books Anne was the FIRST woman from Avonlea to get a B.A. and none of her school friends get that degree although many get teaching degrees. I don’t think that holds up to AWAE because if Queens is now a 4 yr college at least Prissy will have a B.A. before her. But still if we look as education as only serving the purpose of getting the characters the careers they aim for, Anne is looking at 1-2 years where as Gilbert has 7-8 years before him. Anything after 1-2 yrs for Anne would be purely for self fulfillment, which she does do in the books but idk if AWAE wanted to go that route or if they were going to have her aim for another career move after a while or what. So that would also inform choices they make about school.
This is more or less a brain dump of all my thoughts of how AWAE handled the characters education storyline or i guess began it really.
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depressedandasian · 4 years
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The differences between Adora and Catra are easily separated into two motivating factors corresponding to one of the two characters: Adora was and is focused on the bigger picture and doing what is best for everyone overall. Catra is primarily concerned about the things that personally impact her, and usually the overlapping quality of immediate impact.
It goes beyond the usual titles of "selflessness" and "selfishness" despite their actions throughout seasons manifesting as examples of said qualities.
Their issues are not derived from naturally occuring personality traits and quirks but from survival strategies both picked up from enduring the childhoods they lived. Adora was raised to be a savior (sacrifice) by any means, and Catra was inadvertently conditioned to value close personal relationships above all else.
It's why Adora fits in so well with the rebellion and why Catra outright despises the idea of it. The rebellion gives Adora the same purpose the Horde did even if it's on an opposing side, it offers Catra nothing (on the surface).
If I'm reading Catra correctly, someone like her picks and chooses who she bonds with carefully, or at least is miserly with her affections. It takes a long time for her to allow for the level of vulnerability needed to even make friends let alone keep close intimate ones. She cannot so easily transpose her relatively isolated and laser-focused attraction to Adora (someone whom she has been possessive over since early childhood) onto a much larger group of people. Her wants and needs are more like really selective burrs that'll latch onto people in contrast to Adora's perpetual "Gotta do what I gotta do" blanketing mentality.
What I'm saying is: It's easier for Adora to switch tracks with her hero-complex ideals, than it is for Catra to make new friends.
MelinaPendulum's video on Catra brings up a great point about how she is someone who automatically believes that love is finite and not unconditional (despite all the evidence that her own love is indeed unconditional once you break through her thick outer layer). Catra also believes that because love is not something people can consistently give to others, she seems to view it as something that cannot be equally bestowed upon more than one or two people by a single individual. Maybe it's a result of living under the unfocused and uncaring guardianship of the Horde, and the very hostile wardship of Shadow Weaver, but Catra shows that time and time again she cannot handle the idea of Adora showing anyone else attention or affection. She also extends this to how she treats others: she cannot show warmth and affection to others when she is hyperfocusing on Adora at all times.
This is one of many traits she shares with Glimmer, the prejudicial assumption that the momentary loss of attention by a close friend is a signal for eventual abandonment. This is rooted in deep self-doubt of their own worth as individuals and people in regards to the value their friends place on them. However Bow is a much MUCH better influence than Shadow Weaver is, and Glimmer can actually talk to him whereas Catra is probably terrified of breaching the subject of her own feelings towards Shadow Weaver with Shadow Weaver. Something tells me SW wouldn't particularly care for Catra to go "Hey I want to talk about how your continued condescension, belittling, and physical attacks really burst my bubbles, can you spare some time?"
Glimmer and Catra both show signs of extreme abandonment issues which is fascinating seeing as how the two weren't technically abandoned by the main objects of their trauma.
Shadow Weaver's denial of affection towards Catra while directly piling on adoration for Adora caused this rift where Catra sees Adora as competition for Shadow Weaver's love, but also Shadow Weaver as competition for Adora's love. This is why her "Adora chose Shadow Weaver not me" is so poignant because it describes a breaking point where the percieved finite amount of love that exists among all three parties is now only being recieved between two of them.
And I am describing a non-defined nebulas form of love that can be molded into any form of love.
This all impacts Adora greatly as well, although we don't see the emotional turmoil existing within her as it does within Catra until perhaps the very very end when Adora is finally allowed to consider what she personally wants. Adora ultimately comprehends that love is infinite and everlasting primarily because despite all the bullshit Catra pulls she is still holds a deep and unshakable amount of love for her. And this is due to several reasons, many not even having to do with Shadow Weaver, Adora as a person is just a more outgoing and bubbly woman than Catra is. But Shadow Weaver's constantly and openly showing her approval for Adora in direct and purposeful contrast to her hatred of Catra absolutely allowed for Adora to eventually accept the love and admiration of the rebels (although season 5 throws some cold water onto the idea of this being wholly a good thing).
But don't get me wrong, I believe all three women love squally as strong as one another (even Shadow Weaver). In my view love isn't finite, but it can be applied in varying levels of intensity on openness. Catra learns from Shadow Weaver: favoritism and holding affection hostage as a bargaining chip. Adora doesn't learn how to love from Shadow Weaver but how to perceive love given to her (in the form of praise and expectation to preform a duty) and she never withholds and bestows love in varying amounts to others as she see fit.
This is ultimately where I both agree and disagree with Stevenson's description of Adora and Catra obtaining traits from one another. I don't think they incorporated unique elements of one another's psyches into their own, but better come to understand how to deal with their affections, they begin to process their relationship to the ones they love through healthier and more mature lenses. But they do it through learning from one another, it's more like normal human growth from experiencing another's existence. But I'm probably overthinking it.
I think what makes the ending beautiful (aside from the extremely powerful and well executed climax) is that Catra ultimately understands that Adora's love for the universe does not exclude her at all, instead it is a vital part of her love for Catra. The universe/world/reality as we know it and Catra are not on different plains of existence. But it's hard for Catra to realize that she part of the grand idea of the universe that Adora is willing to die for because she personally does not recognize herself as being part of anything but her own little world with just Adora. Catra's eventual come to Jesus moment where she stands firm behind Adora's decisions and puts herself in harms way so that the latter won't be alone is so powerful because it represent Catra now knowing that she IS part of something bigger, that Adora is fighting so hard to save the universe because without it there'd be no Catra, and that she is loved, and that there are more things to life than just clinging onto the fear of losing your socially isolated way of life.
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Fanfiction review : Unexpected
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Disclaimer: Do not send hate to anyone mentioned in this post. If you plan to respond in anyway to this post, I ask that you remain civil to everyone. Also, this review is an opinion post. Do not take what I say here as fact. Thank you.
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I like sorbet. I do! I prefer it to ice cream, and I would gladly eat half a tub without hesitation. But if I were to eat it every day? I'd get sick of it. It's always bothersome when something like that happens. Especially in literature. Sometimes, a short story is more enjoyable than a lengthy saga. Good things can come in small packages....
... what was I talking about again? Ah, whatever.
Anyway, let's talk about zoophobia fanfiction.
*****
Those who have had the misfortune of reading my last fic review may recall that I went through each and every chapter of TDL's story. This time, however, this will be structured in a sort of ramble. I will be discussing things in sections, and I will give my overall thoughts at the end. This is a review of "Unexpected " by a "Kalum16" , who, if my memory serves me correctly, goes by @kartoonluv on Tumblr. Now, this review was not requested by anyone, so if Kalum (who I'll refer to as KL for brevity's sake) wishes this review to be deleted, I will comply with his wishes. Also, I suggest that you read this on fanfiction.net before continuing with this post.
******
Something I would like to get out of the way are my views on romance and the story's pairing. I'd like to bring these up now as I will be mentioning them later on.
Firstly, I have never been in a romantic relationship. However, I have been in love before, and I know people who are or who have been in relationships. That being said, I have considered that perhaps my lack of experience will mean that with certain things... I might not get it. The importance of certain events may be lost on me, and I may not be able to connect with things couples do.
I would also like to confess that Kayla x Damian is one of my least favorite ZP ships. The idea that after Damian basically harasses Kayla, manipulates her and Zill, and basically makes their lives miserable for his own gain, that he can be rewarded by getting the girl? Not exactly something I jive with. Also, (and this is my interpretation) I do not think that Damian's feelings towards Kayla are genuine. By that, I think (due to how little they know about each other) Dame is more in love with his idea of who Kayla is. Or, if we weren't going to look to deep into it and say that it's because he has a thing for Christians, it would make Dame's attraction pretty materialistic. Neither idea really screams "good ship!" to me.
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That being said, let's discuss how the pairing is handled here. I'm actually on board with this depiction of the relationship. For one thing, it seems that Kay and Dame have become friends. They clearly care about one another before starting a relationship, and the story makes it so that they can relate to each other. This takes away my issue of these characters not acting knowing each other well, and thus the feelings they have towards one another come off as genuine.
I think that the story makes them out to the a cute couple. However, I still have a major issue with it, and the story as a whole.
Basically, (after a while) I think it's boring.
To best explain why, I would first like detour and discuss Damian and Kayla individually.
*******
Ladies first. I have mentioned in previous posts that I enjoyed the first chapter of this story. Back then, I had not read beyond chapter 1, as I hadn't realized that the story had been updated. And you know what? I still stand by that. In chapter 1, Kayla feels a lot more interesting than she is in the comic. It's interesting to see Kay in a situation where she basically gets what she wants, but she ends up hating it. She struggles with writers block, self doubt and regret. It's sad to see how apathetic she's become, and how she no longer holds the ambition she once did.
I also liked that she still had some internalized prejudice against demons. It made sense, and it made what was going on more interesting as it created inner conflict. Now, if the story was just the one chapter, I would have bought that her falling in love with Dame would have made all her prejudice go away. I mean, you would need to wrap it up by the end.
But we got more than 1 chapter, and thus the evaporated prejudice feels kind of contrived and like lost potential. Hell, it would have been interesting if an ongoing subplot involved Kayla conquering her prejudice by learning about demons and debunking the stories that I heard as a kid. Her just yeeting away her prejudice because she falls for one guy feels kind of lame, and going forward, Kayla feels less interesting in the fic.
Originally, she had all this regret and self doubt. While it's great to see her doing good, her issues feel like they've almost all been resolved by a makeout session. Throughout the story, Kay doesn't grow or develop in any way. Her only real issue is "I'm in love with Dame and ppl don't like it, woe is me"
There's this chapter where Dame meets Kay's parents, and I feel like I should be invested, but I'm more confused than anything. The story points out that Kay's parents were ok with Zill (who's part demon, part whatever the fuck), but they're not ok with Dame. I mean, yes, he's the antichrist, but have they not figured out that their daughter is into some weird dudes? Like, they're perspective is painted as "oh, Kay was such a good girl, and yadda yadda", but, again, they were ok with Zill. You'd think that that relationship would at least make them question that idea? Also, why are Kay's parents deer? Am I missing something?
Kay serves really only one role here. She's Dame's gf, she'll defend the relationship to the grave, and she cares about him. She doesn't become much more than that, and every chapter feels like it's redundant in reinforcing that idea. Like...ok, we get it, let's move on.
*******
Does Damian do much here? Not really. He's mainly the inverse of Kayla for the most part, being "I will defend this love, no matter fucking what". The issue being constantly brought up about how he's the antichrist, so "oh no, that makes things difficult ", is always resolved in about a chapter.
The story feels like it's trying to give Damian some development. I mean, I guess he stands up for himself against Kay's parents, and defends her from his? Oh, and there's that moment where he's like "Yo, I have no control over my life, I don't wanna be a prince, you make me happy ", etc. But not even this really does anything. The meeting with his parents feels like a repeat of meeting Kay's parents. We even get the one parent approval, one on one talk, and it's the mom, just like before. Oh, and Dame's emotional "I will reject prince-y ness to be with you " speech? All that leads to is them having sex.
Ok, well, that last one I might give a pass. I don't find sex to be that big a deal, but I know some people view it as this super important thing, so maybe through that lense, I could see sex as being an emotional payoff.
*******
One thing I won't give a pass is chapter 2, which really didn't need to be here. Jack never shows up again, Kayla can be subtracted from this chapter entirely, and the only build up to this was a couple lines in the previous chapter. The chapter itself is alright, but it feels like it should have been it's own separate story. My only idea as to why this chapter should stay is that, apart from Kayla in chapter 1, this is the only chapter with development. Damian owning up for being a shit is great, and it shows some of only god damn growth for anyone here.
Another chapter that didn't need to be here was whichever was the chapter when Zill showed up again. Admittedly, I skipped this chapter almost entirely. Look, he and Kay broke up, and they're dating different people. That's it. That's all we need. I read the first few paragraphs and the last few. I feel like I don't need to read the entire chapter to know that it's just reinforcing the idea of how great a couple Kayla and Damian are. You know, like basically every chapter in here.
*****
My biggest issue overall with this story is the relationship. As much as I've been ragging on this fic, KL is very gifted at writing. There were some instances where a reread or two could fix some wonky sentences (sounds like me reviewing my posts), but overall he does have a good grasp on it.
That being said, the relationship, the core of this story, is not interesting enough to warrant all six chapters. The only issue Kayla and Damian face are the opinions of others. They never have any reason to question the relationship, question themselves as people, or think about how to handle things. It would have been a lot more interesting if we saw them develop the close relationship the story portrays them as having. It would be interesting if we saw them learn more about each other, or discover ways to deal with each other if one of them is being a dumb bitch. We get it. They love and care about each other. The world around them think it's weird. Every chapter just reinforces the same idea again and again.
I think KL could easily make this better. There's a bunch of plot points that are never brought up more than once that could be interesting. For instance, Kayla struggling to write new songs. We could see more of how she and Dame deal with that instead of having them mention "oh yeah, the problem is fixed now ". Does Damian ever earn Jack's forgiveness? Does Kayla learn anything new about demons?
KL, I believe you when you say these two care a lot about each other. And yeah, seeing how they make their relationship work in spite of what others think is an interesting idea on paper. But the characters don't become closer to each other or anything. Why would I be concerned about the issues presented in the story when I know that they're just going to be resolved in the same way?
You know it's kind of like sorbet...
I would still nonetheless recommend this story tho. Again, as much as I've ragged on it, I still think that the story is good. As mentioned before, I don't have much experience with romantic relationships, so perhaps something here could be lost on me. I'm curious to know anyone else's thoughts.
I apologize for wasting your time
- Spooky S Skeletons
Ps. Yes, quarantine is messing with my head :) just bear with me
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all-hail-stevinel · 4 years
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Breakdown spinel’s character ?😳
yasssss i was hopin for one of these!!!
How I feel about this character
Oh, Spinel is the absolute Love Of My Life! My fav character used to be a close tie between Pearl and Pink Diamond but once that stretchy bitch kicked Steven in the face to start her Villan Musical™, she basically bounced her way into my heart and took the top slot. I love her oh so dearly, not only for her Tragic Background™ but all the potential she has as a character. Shes so...traumatized, and it really resonated with me during the scenes where she was shaking because she thought Steven was going to leave her, (having irrational anxiety and explosive outbursts because of it hit so close to home) and the heartbreaking scene where shes hitting his shield until she collapses into tears. I used to be a really angry teen, having been abused and mistreated for so many years turning me into an angry, vengeful person that I hated being. So when I saw her collapse and cry “What am I doing? Why do I want to hurt you so badly? I’m supposed to be a friend… I just want to be your friend.” guys I shit you not that scene is my fav and it took my heart and soul along with it
All the people I ship romantically with this character
lol, do y’all really gotta ask? Of course shipping her with Steven is my main squeeze. I just really like their chemistry and the potential their relationship could unfold into, both in healthy and non-healthy ways. I do also like Spinearl, or spinel x pink pearl (i refuse to call her volleyball lol) but I’m really just in it for the art, its not something I’m overly interested in enough to read fic about or create myself. I do also ship AU versions of spinel with jasper, yellow pearl, our pearl, and garnet, but its really more of a passing thing than any actual interest. A personal fav tho is steven x Connie x spinel, bc I’m poly and LOVE ot3’s, so it all works out lol.
My non-romantic OTP for this character
Oof, that’s hard to narrow down. Outside of romance with steven, seeing spinel interact with any other character is well and truly my fav thing. I just think she could provide such amazing insight into everyone’s lives, from Garnet, amethyst, all the pearls, the diamonds, and even jasper. Bc of her experiences as a glorified toy and her subsequent abandonment, I feel like there’s a whole hidden trove of treasures in spinels history and personality that could really resonate with other characters that id personally love to explore. Like, with our pearl there’s the unspoken history they share with pink and how she really abandoned both of them. With garnet, there’s the fact that as a fusion shes never alone, compared to spinel who now has to come with grips that she was abandoned for millennia. There’s amethyst, and the shared feeling of not being good enough and the threat of being forgotten. Even with jasper, if you go into the dark meta of why spinel is so strong and indestructible, mostly for Pink’s personal use like jasper was, there’s that to relate to. 
but personally, i like the idea of her being depressed bff’s with lapis and peridot, lol its why i make them close in my fics
My unpopular opinion about this character
Ooooo im gonna start shit with this comment. Real stir the pot nonsense. Personally, i love all aspects of fiction, from the grotesque fucked up dead dove kinda horror to the fluffiest sweetest whump, all the way to the lusty smut. I love it all and love observing a character thru different lenses is mad fun but personally I feel the fandom was a little too hype to focus on the darker/yandere aspects of spinel rather than the potential she had as the most mature character on SU. i mean, did she lose her shit and try to murder a whole planet? Yah, but so have many other characters. What interests me about spinel is not only did she repent in under a day, she also made the active choice to leave the (semi)unconditional support steven offered her to seek her own growth, knowing that currently she was too toxic to really be a good friend and wanted to become healthier without his help, which is what actually drove me to start my own tumblr acct for it tbh. I’m not gonna police ppl and tell them what to write, im just gonna write the stuff I personally wanna see, which is how mature and self-aware spinel is rather than her more darker qualities.
One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon
I’m still holding out my breath for the last half of suf to come through, but just in case they don’t I really want a confrontation between Spinel and a stressed-out Steven. I want spinel to be the one to recognize the signs of steven feeling alone and left behind, leading to him acting out and behaving irrationally, something she could really relate to. I want to uncover more about the history of her creation and life with Pink, and for her to be the person who helps steven instead of asking him for help like every other character does.
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arecomicsevengood · 4 years
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HOW MANY EYES DO YOU NEED TO SEE?
A few months ago, I was officially diagnosed with glaucoma. This was a good thing, inasmuch as I waiting for a diagnosis. A few months before I had seen the neuro-opthalmologist who gave this diagnosis, and prescribed eyedrops to begin a course of treatment, I had seen an opthalmologist who noted the high amounts of pressure in my eye, but gave me a referral to see another doctor instead, because my youth made glaucoma seem unlikely, and he wanted to check this pressure was not caused perhaps by a brain tumor inside my skull pressing against the back of my eyes.
You probably are a little unclear on what glaucoma is. It is most known, I believe, for being a condition that smoking weed helps. Before medical marijuana became legal and able to be prescribed for anxiety and depression and all the psychological conditions people had been using it to self-medicate for for years, glaucoma was a cited example of a condition whose effects were mitigated by smoking. When I explain that I have it to friends now, there usually comes a point at the end of the conversation where they bring it up. For what it’s worth, I hate smoking weed. I feel debilitated by it to do anything I enjoy, like write, or follow a conversation,  or accomplish tasks without being distracted. Most people who smoke a lot of weed will either tell me that the effects I have a problem with go away after steady smoking, and that I probably haven’t found the right strain yet. The act of getting to this point seems an unpleasant one, filled with physiological incapability. Of course, CBD is now basically sold as a cure-all that takes care of any bad feeling one might have, but it is apparently the effects of THC that take care of glaucoma.
Glaucoma is an increase of eye pressure. As you are aware, the eye is a soft orb of mucus membranes, and some duct or another regulates the release of a fluid into them, to keep that balloon-like sac inflated, essentially. I’m unclear on the exact details. In glacoma, the eye gets too filled up. Maybe this makes the eye bulge out a little, it does seem like what I’m describing would lead to a situation where the eye eventually explodes. But before that, the pressure of the eye presses on the optic nerve. When I had this explained to me, by an optometrist, who told me I was pre-glaucoma and I should go to an opthalmologist to get my eyes looked at. I thought I would experience this as physical pain. After I forgot about the appointment I had made, I anticipated I would experience pain and that was when I would need to go to a doctor. It turns out this is wrong, because the optic nerve isn’t really set up to register feeling, it’s set up to see things. So as the pressure wore on my optic nerve, moreso in my left eye than my right, my vision deteriorated. However, I didn’t notice, because I have two eyes, and together they form a composite image, and my right eye compensated. I would experience weird effects of light, sort of like there was a smudge on my glasses lens, and occasionally it would seem like what I was looking what had a crack in it and was bleeding light, but I didn’t really know how bad it was.
It was when I finally saw an opthalmologist, and in the checking to ensure my glasses’ prescription was correct, and he kept on switching out lenses and asking me if my vision was better or worse with each new one, I found I could not register any letters on the vision chart at all, that the whole field existed within a blank spot of blurred white light, that I realized how bad things had gotten. It was a scary day, certainly made worse by the physician’s suggestion I might have a brain tumor, and his general displeasure and frustration at the fact that I have an instinctual aversion to people approaching my eye to touch it, poke it, and administer eye drops. I am convinced this is a normal thing, but doctors often have God complexes, and apparently I was such a difficult patient that he refused to see me again afterwards. That’s neither here nor there in the story I want to tell, but I do hope he gets hit by a bus and killed.
Anyway, I have now seen a doctor that prescribed eye drops, and then I saw another doctor who prescribed still more eye drops, and I am broke enough to qualify for Medicaid so I haven’t paid for any of these things, so all of that is good, and while I’m concerned about how coronavirus will effect the ability of these prescriptions to get into the country it’s fine thus far. The doctor has made clear that all of these things, however, are really just to make sure my vision doesn’t become worse, that I don’t become totally blind, as far as they’re concerned, the damage done to the optic nerve is irreversible, and won’t be returning to where it was before, which was pretty bad, but at least able to be corrected by strong prescription corrective lenses.
Not covered by Medicaid are the lion’s mane mushrooms I have elected to take. Lion’s Mane, supposedly, stimulates nerve tissue growth. People take them for depression and “brain fog,” and so I had been toying with the idea of investigating them anyway, before I started to think that maybe they would help repair my optic nerve as well. I am well-aware that a lot of people consider any herbal remedies to be snake oil peddled by the likes of Alex Jones and Gwyneth Paltrow, but a bunch of my friends are hippies and herbalists, and the people so assuredly righteous in their politics often have deeply reactionary cultural opinions they are not interested in examining, lacking even the self-awareness to get offline and take deep breaths to make themselves feel better. I don’t consider Lion’s Mane a placebo in any way, but I also register the necessity of feeling hope and the grounding nature of a ritual such that I will probably continue to take it for a while even if there are not immediately noticeable effects.
I am interested in perception, cognition, and how brain chemistry dictates who we are. We are taught as children about the lobes of the brain, how the left brain is more analytical, and the right brain more emotional and intuitive. Ideally, we have easy connection between these two lobes, and when we see something, we are both able to tell what it is and feel a certain way about it. Writing about comics, I try to be as intuitive as I can, to pick up on things that are perhaps unconsciously present, to write about something other than the exact nature of the plot or how well-rendered a background is. It occurs to me that, since the left eye is processed by the right brain, I might be feeling the things I see less than I should. This is all theoretical. It does feel like it’s been ages since I’ve seen a movie that I felt particularly moved by, though it is easy to chalk this up to the cynicism of age. I am still capable of seeing the movie, the full page, still able to read and put the thing together in my brain; and at the same time, I’m placing everything into the larger context of my life, the same way everyone does. Even my favorite film of 2019, Uncut Gems, I didn’t find as nerve-racking as other people apparently did. Maybe that’s because I went in aware of a good deal of hype and other people were more surprised by it? There is really no way to know. The brain makes a composite image consisting not just of the two eyes, but everything else it’s taking in. I can perhaps attribute a certain hesitancy in my own writing to the lack of synchronized lobes taking in what they see, that rereading my own brain no longer gives me the weird floating feeling I used to get from it. I check that it makes sense and still feel like I am fighting uphill, and remain doubtful of everyone else’s writing. “”Why are you talking like this?” I ask of most sentences. Again, I would maybe be asking this anyway, most people are bad at writing, and it doesn’t take some sort of newfound autistic attentiveness to notice that.
All this connects to comics, and to the fact that I write about them. This sense that I am somehow impaired in my ability to read them, I don’t think anyone else would think if I didn’t bring it up, but I feel like I would be lying by omission not to mention. I disclose it in the name of honesty, even as I am on a certain level only articulating this anxiety to avoid the morbidity of talking about how my thoughts about perception, cognition, and the construction of the self apply to death, in this time of pandemic, when all of my or your or someone one or both of us love could have their entire brain go blank and no amount of adaptogens could reanimate it. (The past few days, I’ve also been drinking chaga and echinacea teas for the sake of my immune system.) And while I don’t think this issue with my eyes applies to written text as much as it does all the other forms the visual world can be arranged to convey information, if I am taking in the news in a less emotional way than other people, that is probably for the best.
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Class Project 3: Confession
Performing Today! 
Here is a picture of the letter I wrote and will be dropping off today: 
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Here is the text:
Trevor,
This letter is a bit out of the blue. I want to admit that I am in part doing this for my last art class in college called Art and Life. We had to do any sort of confession piece and perform it over zoom (weird times)! Confessions are supposed to be real and make you feel vulnerable - writing this out definitely taps into that raw form of adrenaline . Dually, I am writing this to you as a thank you and in return to the letter you gave me years ago when we parted ways.
I was heartbroken for what felt like a long while after we broke up, and I was scared that in writing you this letter I would blur the lines and intentions behind it. I wrote multiple versions over the years but hesitated each time. One thing that has continuously crossed my mind over time through the loss of loved ones, and of loved ones loved ones, is that life is too short to regret not saying how you feel. So I’ll shoot my shot..
I know it has been around seven years since our relationship when we were around the great ages of seventeen and fourteen. We were really young, but I felt so sure of us then. Writing this might make me seem a bit crazy (aren't we all?) as it is both long overdue and potentially.. extremely outdated. I think that when you left, all the weight of losing my father and you multiplied. The absence of your sweet, grounded presence hit deeper than I expected in my first, fated heartbreak. I also want to sincerely apologize for my inability to maintain a healthy friendship after the fact - but I needed years to grow, to be stupid, and to find myself as an individual. (still workin on that, obviously)
After we broke up, I could count the amount of times we saw each other on one hand. We made a lot of cute n’ fun promises we subconsciously knew we could not keep in regards to the future. I have had rose-colored lenses on ever since and it took a while to recognize that. I put a tint of perfection on all of our wild little memories, blurring out any of the tainted ones. Ultimately, I had no doubt in my mind you were the most special first love there could be.
I have become more honest with time, but I cannot express enough the gratitude I have for you and the track you put me on during such a telling time in my life. My dad passing and the influences around me could have taken me down a whole different road, but you truly steered me towards my own unique journey. I could not be more happy with where I am headed in this beautiful life and I would not be who I am without all that you taught me. I hope you know I have always adored who you are and what you brought to my life, and the world. (If you don’t know, now you do..!) You are truly such a special human and it makes me happy to know you are living well and following your dreams. I am sorry for not sharing with you my timeless gratitude sooner - but you deserve to know how positively you impacted my life at such a young age.
On the little piece of precious brown parchment paper you wrote to me, you told me “in the next few years, you should find out more of who you are. Explore in music, food, arts, literature, and your overall sense of identity.”  I'm listening to Lauryn Hill as I write this, the CD you dropped off ‘The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill’ sits in the center console of my car alongside the many mixes Brett has made me. This album has become one of my all time favorites, along with Lauryn Hill, one of my favorite artists of all time.
Thank you for helping me to heal. Thank you for showing me how it feels to be loved and looked after. Thank you for the heartbreak. Thank you for making me feel so much at such a young age. To feel alive. Thank you for inspiring me to always push towards desired growth. Thank you for it all.
I will always hope for the absolute best, in health and happiness, for you and yours.
With tears of love,
Jess
04/29/20
I hope your sweet mother still lives where she used to..
On envelope:
His name
“Everyone has an idea of who they want you to be, only you know who you are”
(what he wrote on a letter to me when he left)
I will read it out loud over zoom to my class, then film myself going and dropping it off at his mothers house. (hopefully the connection works well, I practiced already and it worked well)
Self Assessment
I believe I deserve an A on this project as this was the most vulnerable project I came to after spending much time on other confessions (such as the social media confession project that I worked through for a long while). I knew deep in my soul that this is a confession I have been wanting to make for years, and this is a special push to make it happen although it is many years overdue. Writing it gave me a lot of nerves and adrenaline, and I know dropping it off live will enhance those feelings - this is such a raw and personal project and I feel proud that this class pushed me to make it happen - it feels like a true confession. 
My project is unsuccessful in that the class will not be able to see his reaction and response - however maybe I can keep you all posted on that aspect! Also, it might be unsuccessful in that the audience does not know more of the history of this relationship. I am excited to be critiqued today to find out where I could have improved.
My project is really successful, or it feels this way to me, because it takes me very far out of my comfort zone and forces me to confront something I swallowed and hid away for a long time.  This project allows the class to understand something really personal to me while also being something many people can relate to in terms of first loves, and see it happen LIVE! I think it is extremely exciting and I hope the class will be engaged and emotionally connected with me through this confession.
Note: This has not happened yet, so I think I will have further self assessment after the fact in terms of performance and critique by my fellow classmates.
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the-togepi-man · 6 years
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An ENFP’s Thoughts/Feelings on the Types
I’ve been getting a lot of asks on my feelings on XXXX, and some kind person asked for me to make a sort of master post!  Now, these are based on my interactions and understanding of people I know with these types, so please enjoy them for what they are!  Thank you! 
Updated: 2/13/2020
INTP: Oh INTP, they’re so fun. I love getting lost in absolutely crazy theory crafting with you! I like how I can send you a wikipedia page for something I’m playing and you’ll read it so we can talk about it together, even though you know the answers you try to explore it even more it’s amazing. I think you’re savage but also so sweet. When you get excited about something it’s infectious, your drive to explore and learn makes me want to do so too! If you've set your mind to learning something I know you're going to master it. You ground me when I need to keep focus, and your heart is bigger than you think, and I hope you can see that. The world is a more interesting place when you’re in it- and I know small talk bores you so lets skip to the big things
INTJ: It’s funny how we’re listed as a “perfect match” because I see it. You make my world more interesting just by existing. You’re quiet and composed exterior is cracks me up, because to the untrained eye you’re just sitting there staring in to space, but I know you’re taking it all in. You break down the world like a puzzle, always learning, always putting things in place. You’re a little crazy but in a good way, I wish more people could see that! I spill out some absolutely wild thoughts- i pause to look at you and you are already rolling away with them, making a joke or exploring them further. You’re heart is honest and your ideas are true- I don’t know where I’d be without thoughts like yours. Like the other side of a coin, we see the world differently but share the same drive. I know your feelings can be locked up, but I'll help you explore that puzzle. Let's go for a drive, you give me some structure and direction, and I'll give you some excitement!
ENTP: I’d start this with a sassy meme, because I know that’s what you’d do. When we’re sharing our ideas it’s like two unstoppable forces! Neither of us have any problem going into exactly what we think about something, and we’re both so curious that we love to listen to each other! Are we talking about music and sharing our playlists late at night after everyone has gone to bed? Are we debating universal concepts that make us who we are? Just all in a night's work. Our ability to friendly debate gets you excited, I can tell- you love being a little antagonistic and smirking after you push my buttons. You bring a new logical perspective to my world while still embracing my wild ideas- because hey, we only live once!
ENTJ: Oh ENTJ, you’re crazy and it’s great. But like, a more grounded crazy. Like and overactive INTJ, I can't help but be fascinated by you. It’s always inspiring to watch you work. You’re full of life and energetic, and watching you pursue your passions and be with your friends makes me think “I want to be like them!” It’s refreshing to know where I stand with you, and because of your Judgement I have no problem pushing forward with my wack job ideas. Whats more impressive is that you come off like this big loving goofball, but have the skill set to back it up. You might stumble sometimes, but you’re always working to improve your life and it shows. While feeling isn’t your primary mode, you can be oh so sentimental, and it’s charming- very charming. You might come off as self focused to others, but I know that you do it all to support yourself and the ones who you keep close. Keep being you, because we like it!
INFP: All the tests peg you as this sweet little poetry writing angel who cries all the time in their room- and honestly, that’s such a shame because there is so much more to you. Yeah, you may be quiet and love your alone time, but you’re so wonderful to be around. I don’t think you ever see how much you bring to the table, but you should. Your kindness and willingness to help people is amazing, and unmatched. You feel a lot of things, but hey I do too! We share that Introverted Fi, which means we both have very strong morals and know where we try to stand in this world- and it can be so much some days, i know it, but I can guarantee, someone has you back, because you don't realize how much people love you. Stay true to you, INFP, the world needs the love that you provide! Now, go back to being snuggled up in your cozy place and get some rest!
INFJ: The world doesn’t get how you process, but I do- or I want to. I’m going to ask you so many questions! We’re different sides of the same coin and I want to know all about it. We can match each other pace for pace in our weirdness, but know we’re always together in this. I know there are days where you feel like you’re alone in how you think, but that’s because you view the world in a lense some of us can’t even imagine- and that’s beautiful. You can make the calls to get things done, but still do it with heart, and that goes such a long way. You never want to give up on someone you care about and it’s moved me to tears before. I know you hold back who you are sometimes, but when you really let loose it fills me with such joy, because you’re so different and the world really needs more people like you. INFJ friends really are something else, its best to not lose them. 
ENFP: Oh what a great type to be! Because of You I know what it’s like to talk to me! We’re so messy and wild, all over the place but so caring at the same time. You make me more and more  curious because we’re so similar but different. If i could tell you anything, I’d say you;re something else, the way you stick to your morals, and the way you care so deeply but have so many ideas ignites me. You’re me and that;s a lot for me. We could set the world on fire with our ideas but then come home have a drink and have a long talk about the world and how we feel. People always peg us as the manic pixie dream girls/boys, and that's not always true, we just want to love or lives and sometimes that means being the light that people see. We’re the goofy entertainers of the world but in the end I know how deep you are. Keep loving the world and your ideas you are so valid. I hope you can see what I see in you!
ENFJ: People call you the mom friend, and honestly? Sometimes that’s for a good reason. Growing up you helped keep me safe, working with me through all the hard times and putting your heart out there so I could see how its done. Life is hard, but you were there. You're always there, I think that’s how ENFJs are. I feel like people don't appreciate your cunning side as much. You’re so smart and giving and passionate, but people don’t see how hard you think about all your decisions and where to go on a daily basis. You plan and understand, and that’s so important. I don’t know how people function without you. From cutting sandwiches to sending a text saying “are you ok?” ENFJs really are a gift. You’re the mom friend- but that's because you make sure the rest of us fools are in line- someone has to! Everyone loves you and I can see why, I hope you do too!
ISTP: Do I need some good grounded advice from someone who is here in the moment? Do I need a little bit of a quick kick in the butt and a reminder that what matters is where I’m standing now? Then I’m coming to you ISTP. You never push me to spill it out to you, but your logic makes me want to. You’re interesting and an enigma- and that makes me wound up! Your ability to take in the world around you right now, but bend with the flow is amazing- your childlike enthusiasm is great, I want to break you out of that quiet shell so I can hear all the ideas you have and how you see the world. I know we can have a hard time bonding, but once we share an interest you’re all in and I am so here for it. Keep being you, I want to know more. 
ISFP: ISFJ do you know how cute you can be? You’re so good at listening to all the dumb things I have to say and finding a way to help me identify with it. You’re not here trying to fix all my problems, but to listen to them and try to make me feel better. You’re Sensing helps keep me grounded and see the world for what it is, but your Feelings make me feel like you’re listening to me. We’re both a little terrible at long range planning, but it makes me feel good because we can both laugh about it. Also the way you put things together is amazing! I’m not sure if its because you're and ISFP or if you just know how things are supposed to be but you create spaces that are so cozy, I’m so jealous. I wish I could see the beauty in things the way you do. 
ESTP: Thank god one of us is practical. Half the time I’m running around like a chicken with it’s head cut off, and you are too- but in a way that actually gets things done. You can keep strong and move forward even when the world deals you hard cards and thats so awesome. You can be so rigged but so charming at the same time it’s insane. I’m not sure how you do it, but you have such a down to earth vibe to you at all times and I can’t help but to be a little jealous! You take criticism in stride and use it as a catalyst for growth, and honest not a lot of people can do that. You’re so in the present, don’t worry too much about the future- you're so put together now that I don;t think you’ll have a problem with where you’re going. You got this! 
ESFP: If you want to enjoy life in the moment and take it all in, ESFP is your person. We’re so similar and so different. I see the world in the could and you see the world right in front of you and enjoy it for what it is. Childlike in their love for things but wise in their ability to love it- it’s amazing. Your generosity is something that really rivals anything i’ve ever seen. You know how important it is for people to feel good, and it makes me want to try harder as a person. You have  have such a way of sucking people in with your love for the world and where you are, I hope you can see it. People like you for that, and it’s such a powerful thing. Some people might not enjoy how straight forward you can be, but honestly? They’re missing out. 
ISTJ: Never have I met someone that seems to put together. What’s that? You already planned it all out, have money saved, and are getting ready for the future? Yeah sorry im still lost in the grocery store... please come save me. You’re so quiet, I feel like more people need to see your fun side because it;s there- and its amazing. The way you try to play it cool then crack up when someone acts foolish- I know that’s in there. You;ve got it all together, you deserve to let your goofy side show. Part of me knows that you’re fine with who you are, but part of me wants you to know how great you can be- I don’t think you tell yourself enough- it’s not practical- but let us feelers tell you that you matter- because you do. Thanks for keep it all together, we need that. 
ISFJ: Oh ISFJ, we had no idea what you were for so long! You’re just so much! You’re affirming, and you’re direct- You know what the situation calls for and you know that you need to get you plans set- but you’re always doubting yourself, which is just so wild to me because I always looked to you to help me out. My eternal study buddy, we got so much done- though I tried to distract you at every turn, you still helped me stay on course, in a loving way- obviously! And thank god for that, because who knows where I’d be now. We see the world so differently, but the way you want to understand what I’m saying is so important to me. You’re so full of commitment, you don’t have to be so rigid- people who care about you are going to be there and see what I see- and amazing person. So keep being you, keep feeling with that heart of yours, keep the rest of us on track. 
ESTJ: Oh, you’re right that is how I should go about it. Wait crap, you’re right about that too. You’re a pain in the ass, but damn if you don’t know what you;re talking about. You can be really tough, but you know how you think, and the clarity there is amazing. You’re strong and traditional, and iconic. You know where you stand, and you know where you’re trying to go- and with that extroversion, you’re going to take people with you, even if they go kicking and screaming. That doesn’t bother you because you know that the path you chose is one you have no regrets on. If only we could all be as staunch as you in our choices, the world needs more put together people, You might keep your heart locked away at times, but I know it’s there- You feel a lot, but your drive is so strong. Don’t be afraid to utilize your emotions- you’ll be even stronger for it. Keep being a leader of the Wolf Pack, ESTJ. 
ESFJ: You really put things together with heart, I knew there was a reason we clicked so fast. You work so hard its insane, but then I’ll come over to you and even if you’re swamped you still smile at me and see how i'm doing. I don’t think you realize how many people love being around you. You have the enthusiasm to draw people in, the ability to live in the moment to get things done, and the judgement to make more plans so your life stays on track, and honestly? I’m jealous. You appreciate the little things people do for you, but also return them in little things for the people you care about, and it shows. You can speak from the heart but then can act on the things inside your head, and the world needs that, I hope you know that. 
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bbaba-yagaa · 5 years
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Imogen and Everett Rourke
A/N: This is a headcanon of mine that I based on what little information we are given about the Rourke family prior to the events of Endless Summer.
Characters: The family Rourke
Summary: Imogen and Everett Rourke come from humble beginnings but an unfortunate event and a world changing discovery lead them down a path of no return.
Rating: PG-PG13? Some language, not much.
Word Count: 3,672
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, they belong to Pixelberry.
When Everett and I first met we were very young. We met during our first year of sixth form and became inseparable thereafter. Both of us came from wealthy, well educated families. It seemed that we were destined for greatness, nothing more and nothing less. Upon our completion of sixth form, Everett was gifted a beautiful sailboat by his parents. He was enthralled and immediately announced that he would sail the Caribbean before attending university in the fall. Of course he invited me to go but I opted to stay behind and spend time with my parents. Several weeks later tragedy struck; my dear Everett was listed as overdue. I could hardly contain my grief. It took all of my strength to maintain hope that he would return to me safely. My optimism was rewarded when 27 days later, against all odds he did indeed return; without so much as a scratch. Physically he was fine. He was still the Everett that I knew and loved, but there seemed to be a newfound intensity that had been awakened within him. He would go on and on about the strange island that he had run aground on. Everett insisted that the island was going to be the foundation of our future and that he intended to build upon it as soon as he could. Him being marooned on that island seemed only to have positive repercussions. Just a few  weeks after his miraculous return he asked for my hand in marriage and I happily accepted. A few years after exchanging our vows, we founded Rourke International. A monumental achievement in itself. I, being a leader in the field of genetic replication, would head my own division of R.I. Not only would I continue to lead the charge into a new frontier; I would also co-manage all other divisions that wound up under the corporate umbrella. Everett made good on his promise to secure the island and began to explore and develop it. Almost every day Everett had discovered something new or exciting on his island haven: Or that he had broke ground and begun construction on a new building. The rapid rate of R.I.'s growth and success was astounding; and being at the epicenter of it all emanated the feeling that it all happened over night. We were labeled 'The most powerful couple in the world' by the media. We were truly happy in that moment; and yet something was missing. There was one thing that we had not yet attained. 
It's a cool spring night that I awake with start, my body damp with sweat. A few moments pass before I remember where I am. La Huerta; The Celestial. Everett and I come here when the hustle and bustle of our day to day lives becomes a bit much to bear. More accurately, I would join Everett here whenever i got the chance. He was almost always here. I look to his side of the bed. Empty. I calmly get out of bed, wrap my nightgown around myself, and head downstairs to find my love. I find him below the atrium in his hidden chamber. His childlike obsession with hidden rooms and secret passageways always makes me smile; even though it's getting a bit out of hand. He's sitting at his work bench tinkering with a small metallic sphere: no bigger than a golf ball. The sphere itself has a small cable connecting it to his computer. He notices me and flashes a distracted smile as he enters several commands into the terminal.
"Hey love, what are you working on?"
"This beauty right here; this is IRIS. Intelligent reactive imaging system."
I look to the small sphere. "May I?" He smiles warmly at me: I'll never grow tired of that smile.
"Of course you may." He unplugs the cable and tenderly hands the tiny sphere to me. It's extremely lightweight and sleek in design. Turning it over in my hand I take in every detail of the tiny object.
"She looks incredibly advanced Everett. And knowing you, she's probably got boundless capabilities that one would never suspect. Is she fit to give a brief demonstration?"
An ear to ear smile crosses his face at my inquisition. "I'm glad you asked. Hold her out flat in your palm. Go ahead IRIS, show her."
As requested, the tiny sphere hums to life and hovers off of my outstretched hand. From its lense a hologram flickers to life and suddenly I am face to face with the spitting image of myself: albeit blue and transparent. "Everett..."
The smile on his face has grown unnaturally wide. "Are you flattered? My thinking is this; If I'm going build the perfect personal assistant then why not also bestow upon her the image of perfection."
My face begins to grow hot at this bold statement. He is truly a master with words. "Well it is said that imitation is the greatest form of flattery." Of course he knows I love it; but I won't indulge his ego by telling him so.
His smile fades slightly as he lets out an exasperated sigh. "Unfortunately she will never be precisely what I want her to be. My expectations are far too grand for her. The operating system that she would run on doesn't exist. My musings of human emotion and intellect running in tandem with an A.I. that is worthy of a multimillion dollar supercomputer will never come to fruition without, for lack of a better term, uploading a human mind into the system. Never before has that type of procedure been attempted: all we have is pure speculation and theory. Alright IRIS, that will do thank you." The hologram fades away and the tiny drone lands softly back on the workbench.
"I'm positive that you'll eventually come up with a solution Everett; you've got a knack for making the impossible possible."
A fatigued smile crosses his face. "Only time will tell. Now, did you have something you wanted to discuss? You are usually in bed at this hour."
I contemplate my answer briefly before I respond. "Earlier I dreamt of our journey in life together up to this point. Upon waking, I couldn't help but feel a bit... empty. As if there is something we lack."
He raises his eyebrows in an inquisitive manner. "And are you able to identify what is that we are lacking?"
"Children Everett, our own family." He thoughtfully strokes his goatee while his answer is pondered.
"I am rather abashed to admit this but I have entertained this idea before, only to let it slip from my mind while being engrossed in my countless projects. I agree with this sentiment. When would you propose we begin this endeavor?"
For the life of me I cannot contain myself. My excitement is almost unbearable. As I lean in to kiss him I untie my robe and let it drop slowly around my ankles. My petite frame is dressed only in a light blue silk top and matching, lacy panties. I refrain from making eye contact with him while I twirl about, and begin to make my way back toward the staircase while swinging my hips seductively. "I'm free right now if you're not preoccupied." I respond over my shoulder. Still refraining from looking back at him I begin to ascend the staircase. I've almost given up on him taking the bait when suddenly I hear him rapidly ascending the staircase. Before I can turn around, he picks me up and throws me over his shoulder and begins to carry me upstairs. An excited giggle bursts out of me at this development. "Ooooh how barbaric! Is this role play? I certainly hope so. You're taking me back to your cave so that you can absolutely ravage me?" I am absolutely euphoric in this moment. Soon we will lack nothing at all. Just over a year has passed since Everett and I began to try and conceive our first child. During the first few months our passion was as intense as it ever had been: possibly even more so. Unfortunately, as the months went by and our efforts went unrewarded Everett became disillusioned. Passion began to fade and he elected to envelop himself in his endeavors on La Huerta. The more time he spends there, the more distant he becomes. I can't help but hold myself accountable for these current circumstances. I must be doing something wrong and I sense that Everett also lays the blame at my feet. I miss the way his eyes used to illuminate when he laid them upon me. I decide that seeing a specialist is the best course of action: dispelling my fears or confirming them is the only way to move forward.
The revelation that I am physically incapable of conceiving a child of my own renders me emotionally devastated. And to add insult to injury, Everett grows even more distant when he learns of my imperfection. My work becomes all I can bring myself to focus on: a self imposed exile for my failure as a wife. Time becomes irrelevant as I stumble through my day to day routine in a catatonic state. Eventually, while engrossed in my work, an idea suddenly presents itself to me. Immediately, I contact Everett to share my thoughts: but I am met with an cold harshness in his voice. "Imogen, I'm rather indisposed at the moment. What could possibly be so important?" Will he even entertain this new proposal after I failed to make good on my last one?
"Everett I have a rather interesting proposition for you. It holds great promise for us but I'll need your approval and assistance to move forward. The fine details are better discussed in person."
His silence is deafening, though I've definitely piqued his interest. "Meet me at my facility at midday and I'll give you all the details." There is silence for a few more moments before he responds. "I hope it's worth my trouble, I am rather short on time these days. I'll see you then Imogen." Everett meets me as promised and he accompanies me to a private wing in my facility. During this short walk he's mostly silent and makes simple and irreverent conversation. My mind is aloof but something small catches my attention, a scent. A woman's perfume; not an aroma that I have ever worn; and it's radiating from my husband. Oh Everett, this is all my fault. I've driven you to seek comfort from my inadequacy in other women. With my mind a haze, I swipe my keycard and open a door allowing Everett to proceed through before me. I flip on the lights before I lead him over to set of monitors arranged around a six foot tall, four foot wide cylinder in the center if the room. The cylinder itself is filled with a light green fluid and suspended in said fluid are countless, small, synthetic cables.
"You know what all of this is so I won't waste your time rehashing it Everett. Since I have failed at bearing you a child, I hope you will allow me to clone you. It's not the same thing I know: I'm painfully aware of this fact. All i need is your approval and a few tissue cultures. I'll handle the rest." Everett lays his hand upon the glass cylinder and stares thoughtfully at the contents within.
"As far as I know no one has ever been successful in that type of endeavor. What guarantee can you give?" He was correct, there are no official records of anyone being able to perfectly replicate a human. However, my development of this procedure was not public knowledge. I had spent countless hours gathering all the necessary resources and knowledge to prevail had I gone forward. It was no longer a question of 'could i do it'. The question that replaced the former was 'should I do it'. At this moment in time however, I needed to do it.
"One hundred percent: Failure is not a possibility. Nine months from now we will have our child if you grant your permission." He smiles widely at my confidence: God I miss him smiling at me like that. "You have my full cooperation and my blessing then. I assume we begin immediately?" I nod in affirmation as I motion for him sit so that we may begin taking tissue cultures. The next few months seem to pass at an extraordinary rate. Our little Everett Aleister Rourke the second is growing at a healthy rate. I have taken to calling him Aleister so there won't be any confusion between junior and senior Rourkes in our household. Every spare moment I have is spent with him, making sure all is well. For the first few months Everett comes and visits him as well the distance between us seems to shrink ever so slightly. As Aleister grows close to his due date, an abnormality presents itself. His skin and what little hair he has at the moment appear to be lighter than what would be considered normal. After several tests I reach the conclusion that he is affected by the congenital disorder albinism. It's as though he refuses to be the spitting image of his father; even before he's left the womb, so to speak. During the final month of Aleister's gestation, Everett notices these attributes and his explosive reaction is something that I did not prepare for.
"You told me there was zero percent chance of failure Imogen; you promised perfection. So how exactly do you explain this!?"
I am beside myself, I had not considered Aleister's condition a problem. It would present few if any complications throughout his life.
"I... It's certainly not a life threatening or debilitating condition. I'm sorry Everett but he is your son and his genetic disorder must have come from a recessive gene that you carry."
"You dare imply that your failure is my fault?! Your failings are yours and yours alone Imogen!" At these words he storms out leaving me speechless and heartbroken. There is nothing at all wrong with Aleister and I hope Everett will come to realize this. Everett is absent for Aleister's birth later that month but I hardly even notice. Never before have I felt such joy; I can only imagine what it would have been like to carry him to term myself. What a joy he is: not a fussy child by any means. My dear Aleister, I simply cannot wait to see what the future holds for us. The very next month, Everett has fallen right back into seeking the company of other women. I even catch him in the act during a gala that we are hosting, with a grant prospect of all people. Personally, I feel I handled the matter rather well considering the fact that I all but walked in on them during the act. He becomes more distant and cold with me as more time passes. These issues will eventually come to a head and I honestly have no idea how things between us will turn out. The only thing that keeps me composed is Aleister: as his mother I need to stay strong and weather the storm. Eventually it will pass. The next couple of years bring on a whirlwind of events and developments. Everett has all but vanished from mine and Aleister's lives: His private haven has become his new home and his endeavors there have become the subject of public speculation and controversy. Sadly, I cannot bring myself to fully dismiss the rumors as he is no longer than man I once knew and loved. The time has come for me to face my demons; no longer will I torture myself for circumstances that are out of my control. Leaving Aleister in the care of his nanny and promising a quick return, I board our private jet bound for La Huerta. After landing at the airstrip not far from the Celestial, I take one of the vehicles parked there and drive to the hotel. After arriving at the hotel, I search all of Everett's usual hiding spots but to no avail. Eventually I find a door to a room that I've never seen before. It leads to a massive library and inside I find Everett, hunched over a table, his face in a book. He looks up when I enter and closes his book with an annoyed sigh.
"What brings you here, unannounced nonetheless? You of all people should know I do not like being disturbed."
The audacity of this man is incredible. "Did you forget about your two year old son that you've hardly even seen since his birth? You rarely ever leave this island Everett; I'm not even sure when I saw you last. When will it be enough?"
He rises from his chair, anger flashing across his face. "You have no idea what we've discovered here in the past few years and even if you did, you couldn't comprehend it. As for my 'son', you didn't make good on your promise of perfection so I have very little interest in the matter. It's one disappointment after another with you Imogen; I only wish you could see this situation from my perspective."
At these words, I come completely undone. "You can take your superiority complex and your 'perspective' and sit on it for all I give a damn! You've always acted as though I rejected the gift of being able to conceive a child through natural means and now you reject your own beautiful son based on petty and unreasonable expectations. For years I agreed with you and tormented myself for it, but now I'm done blaming myself for matters that I have no control over. I am no goddess but you are not a god either, no matter how hard you aspire to be. Back in London, the press has been abuzz with rumors of illegal and unethical undertakings on this island and as I stand here and listen to the ramblings of a madman I find them hard to disregard."
The man is furious, he's never had anyone in his life talk to him in the manner that I just have. "Deciphering the secrets of this island will unlock a power that is beyond mankind's wildest imagination and only a god amongst men will be able to wield it. I don't expect you to understand, but I do expect you to know better than to stand in the way of progress!"
"Progress?! I'll tell you what progress is Everett, when I return to London I am immediately contacting my attorney to draw up divorce papers, yes we are finished. Secondly, I'm going to launch my own investigation into your undertakings on this island. If there is anything unethical going on here the proper authorities will be notified."
I wait for him to issue a response but he's gone completely silent. He simply stands there with a deep, burning hatred in his eyes. Since he seems to have no response I turn and make my way out of the library and back toward the atrium. My head is spinning from countless thoughts racing through my head. If he is involved in anything illegal here would I be able to prove it? And if I could prove it, would he attempt to take drastic  action to stop me and preserve his name? Would he try to harm Aleister? He is definitely not the man I once knew and at this moment in time I have no idea what he is truly capable of. I need to leave this horrid place post haste.
Upon my arrival at the stairs leading to the lower level of the atrium I reach out to place my hand on the banister prior to descending. Before my hand touches that sweet, warm wood I am violently pitched forward and I begin to fall face first toward the unforgiving hard wood of the stairs below. I am met with an immense amount of pain when my head hits the first step and my world goes cold and dark as I violently tumble the rest of the way down, coming to a crashing halt at the bottom. I have no idea how long I lie there in a crumpled heap at the bottom of those stairs; the only sensation that I know is coldness. There is no pain and yet I cannot move. Tears begin to well up in my eyes as I hear them; footsteps, descending the same stairs from which I had just tumbled down. Suddenly I am on my back and when my eyes are able to focus I see him; He stands over me, emotionless, with a slight smirk on his face. My eyes filled with tears and rage taking over I scream at the top of my lungs and spit in his face, spurring a genuinely surprised reaction out of him.
"Are you happy now Everett! All these years you've tried to break me and now you've finally succeeded. I hope you're happy with what you've done..."
"What I've done? You have done this to yourself Imogen. It was you who decided to try to impede progress itself. Historically, anyone who has done so has met with a fate far worse than yours. You are lucky, your existence will be restored after a few minor adjustments and you will be on the frontlines of progress alongside me." He bends down and scoops me up over his shoulder just like he did all those years ago.
"Unhand me Everett, let me go! What about Aleister?! I need to get back to my son! He needs me!"
"Aleister will be well cared for, don't you worry about that. I don't expect you to understand now Imogen, but you will… in time.” With these words he carries me down the staircase to his secret room below the atrium.
Tagging the ever faithful Hivemind: @brightpinkpeppercorn @roonarific and @mind-reader1 and tagging @mysteli for ESAPW
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kiyodu · 3 years
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Precious Points I liked from "The Courage to be Disliked" by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga:
Second Night - All Problems Are Interpersonal Relationship Problems
My Personal Chapter Summary:
The dictionary definition of 'interpersonal' is relating to relationships and communication between people. Because there exists this, you can't help listening to them or comparing. It can be said if one were alone in the universe and all others were gone, all manner of problems would disappear. Worries arise due to the presence of other people. Concepts such as inferiority or superiority exist because of human relations. Feelings like these arose because you compare yourself to others i.e. your interpersonal relationships. If only you exist in the universe, what is there to compare to?
Quotes I liked:
• There is one good thing about subjectivity: it allows you to make your own choice. Precisely because I am leaving it to subjectivity, the choice to view my height as either an advantage or disadvantage is left open to me.
• We cannot alter objective facts. But subjective interpretations can be altered as much as one likes. And we are inhabitants of a subjective world.
• Being alone isn't what makes you feel lonely. Loneliness is having other people and society and community around you, and having a deep sense of being excluded from them. To feel lonely, we need other people.
• One tries to get rid of one's feeling of inferiority, and keep moving forward. One's never satisfied with one's present situation--even if it's just a single step, one wants to make progress. One wants to be happier. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the state of this kind of feeling of inferiority. There are, however, people who lose courage to take a single step forward, and who cannot accept the fact that the situation can be changed by making realistic efforts. People who, before even doing anything, simply give up and say things like, "I'm not good enough anyway," or "Even if I tried, I wouldn't stand a chance."
- Don't mix up the concepts of 'feeling of inferiority' and 'inferiority complex'. The former is a trigger for striving and growth, leading to a desirable direction. The latter refers to a condition of having begun to use one's feeling of inferiority as a kind of excuse.
- When one thinks to oneself, "I'm not well educated, so I can't succeed" or "I am not good looking so I can't get married," when someone is insisting on the logic of 'A is the situation, so B cannot be done' in such a way in everyday life, that is inferiority complex.
• It's simply that it's scary to take even one step forward; also that you don't want to make realistic efforts. You don't want to change so much that you'd be willing to sacrifice the pleasures you enjoy now--for instance, the time you spend playing and engaged in hobbies. In other words, you're not equipped with the courage to change your lifestyle. It's easier with things just as they are now, even if you have some complaints or limitations.
• Those who make themselves bigger on borrowed power are essentially living according to other people's value systems--they are living other people's lives.
• Those who go so far as to boast about things out loud actually have no confidence in themselves.
• If one really has confidence in oneself, one doesn't feel the need to boast. It's because one's feeling of inferiority is strong that one boasts. One feels the need to flaunt one's superiority all the more. There's the fear that if one doesn't do that, not a single person will accept one 'the way I am'. (Full-blown superiority complex lol)
• Completely understanding the feelings of the person who is suffering is something that no one is capable of. But as long as one continues to use one's misfortune to one's advantage in order to be 'special', one will always need that misfortune.
• A healthy feeling of inferiority is not something that comes from comparing oneself to others, but from one's comparison with one's ideal self.
•This is what is so terrifying about competition. Even if you're not a loser, even if you're someone who keeps on winning, if you are someone who has placed himself in competition, you will never have a moment's peace.
• However, once one is released from the schema of competition, the need to triumph over someone disappears. One is also released from the fear that says, "Maybe I will lose." And one becomes able to celebrate other people's happiness with all one's heart. One may become able to contribute actively to other people's happiness. The person who always has the will to help another in times of need--that is someone who may properly be called your comrade.
• Let's say you and a friend have been discussing the current political situation. Before long, it turns into a heated argument, and neither of you is willing to accept any differences of opinion until finally it reaches the point where he starts engaging in personal attacks--that you're stupid, and it's because of people like you that this country doesn't change; that sort of thing.
In this case, what is the other person's goal? Is it only that he wants to discuss politics? No, it isn't. It's that he finds you unbearable and he wants to criticise and provoke you, and make you submit through a power struggle. If you get angry at this point, the moment he has been anticipating will arrive, and the relationship will suddenly turn into a power struggle. No matter what the provocation, you must not get taken in.
•Once the interpersonal relationship reaches the revenge stage, it is almost impossible for either party to find a solution. To prevent this from happening, when one is challenged to a power struggle, one must never allow oneself to be taken in.
• Youth: "Then what should you do when you're subjected to personal attacks right to your face? Do you just grin and bear it?"
Philosopher: "No, the idea that you are 'bearing it' is proof that you are still stuck in the power struggle. When you are challenged to a fight, and you sense that it is a power struggle, step down from the conflict as soon as possible. Do not answer his action with a reaction. That is the only thing we can do."
Youth: "But is it really that easy to not respond to provocation? In the first place, how would you say I should control my anger?"
Philosopher: "When you control your anger, you're 'bearing it' right? Instead, let's learn a way to settle things without using the emotion of anger. Because after all, anger is a tool. A means for achieving a goal."
• Anger is a form of communication, and that communication is nevertheless possible without using anger. We can convey our thoughts and intentions and be accepted without any need for anger. If you learn to understand this experientially (based on experience & observation), the anger emotion will stop appearing, all on its own.
• It's not that you mustn't get get angry, but that there is no need to rely on the tool of anger.
• No matter how much you might think you are right, try not to criticise the other party on that basis. The moment one is convinced that 'I am right' in an interpersonal relationship, one has already stepped into a power struggle.
• The conviction that 'I am right' leads to the assumption that 'this person is wrong', and finally it becomes a contest and you are thinking, 'I have to win.' It's a power struggle through and through.
• The rightness of one's assertations has nothing to do with winning or losing. If you think you are right, regardless of what other people's opinions might be, the matter should be closed then and there. However, many people will rush into a power struggle, and try to make others submit to them. And that is why they think of 'admitting a mistake' as 'admitting defeat'.
• Admitting mistakes, conveying words of apology, and stepping down from power struggles--none of these things is defeat. The pursuit of superiority is not something that is carried out through competition with other people.
• Youth: "So when you're hung up on winning and losing, you lose the ability to make the right choices?"
Philosopher: "Yes. It clouds your judgement, and all you can see is imminent victory or defeat. Then you turn down the wrong path. It's only when we take away the lenses of competition and winning and losing that we can begin to correct and change ourselves."
• One can be in a calm and quite natural state, without having feelings of inferiority or being beset with the need to flaunt one's superiority. That is what real love is like.
• You must not run away. No matter how distressful the relationship, you must not avoid or put off dealing with it. Even if in the end you're going to cut it with scissors, first you have to face it. The worst thing to do is just stand still with the situation as it is. It is fundamentally impossible for a person to live life completely alone, and it is only in social contexts that the person becomes an 'individual'.
• Philosopher: "In relationships between lovers or married couples, there are times when, after a certain point, one becomes exasperated with everything one's partner says or does. For instance, she doesn't care for the way he eats; his slovenly appearance at home fills her with revulsion, and even his snoring sets her off. Even though until a few months ago, none of it had ever bothered her before.
The person feels this way because at some stage she has resolved to herself, 'I want to end this relationship, and she has been looking around for the material with which to end it. The other person hasn't changed at all.' It is her own goal that has changed.
Look, people are extremely selfish creatures who are capable of finding any number of flaws and shortcomings in others whenever the mood strikes them. A man of perfect character could come along, and one would have no difficulty in digging up some reason to dislike him. That's exactly why the world can become a perilous place at any time, and it's always possible to see everyone as one's enemies."
- Adler indicated the state of coming up with all manner of pretexts in order to avoid the life tasks as 'life-lie'. One shifts one's responsibility for the situation one is currently in to someone else. One is running away from one's life tasks by saying that everything is the fault of other people, or the fault of one's environment.
- Life tasks refers to the 3 tasks of work, friendship and love; the tasks of the interpersonal relationships that a living person has no choice but to confront.
This concludes a super long Chapter 2 summary.
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sae-bae-ran · 6 years
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thudding with so much happiness and validation and of not only acceptance but also embraced even with that part of me 💗💞💞. Because I know that my parents and even many people around in my life who wouldn’t understand that or won’t approve of that..But! There are many self shippers and MCs and otoge lovers with whom we can all swoon and go over heartbreaks and such deep love feels for these characters. 💙🥀? (Most emotional part) We all know there were far too many emotional parts but [2/?]
the one that still gets to me the most is Saeran’s fate and just, the whole process of seeing him go into this downward spiral of hope and destruction and (kind of) abandonment again and FUCKING SELF DESTRUCT I JUST. I AM NOT! FOR IT AND I’M STILL SO HEARTBROKEN OVER IT EVEN WITH SAERAN’S GOOD ENDING! I just— Even when V’s Route is my favorite because it helped me self realize and grow a lot, we could finally tell the RFA the truth, Jumin could finally receive his Christmas wish and reunites[3/?
reunite with V without all of these secrets V veils and obscures himself behind, seeing how sweet Jumin always was towards his best friend and always so thoughtful…All of this is just,, Though I love it,, and finally having V grow as a person….I can’t touch V’s route anymore because of how it destructs me to even think of hurting Saeran .°(ಗдಗ。)°. AND THEN HE JUST FUCKING SELF DESTRUCTS AFTER CONFESSING HIS LOVE TO US SO HEARTBREAKINGLY, FEELING LIKE HE IS STILL UNWORTHY OF HAPPINESS OR [4/?             
OR ANY GOOD THINGS IN HIS LIFE TTATT !!!! OUR LOVE DOES NOT DESERVE THIS HORRID AND HURTFUL TREATMENT!!!!!!!!!!  Hah…Man….I didn’t know I still had this built up 😂😭😭😭😂😭 (and at this chance I’ll also ask lolol)  Camera lenses? Gosh there are so many dreams, both possible and impossible.. The possibles are one day living with my beloved future QPPs and a kitty
[[Mid-Talk- Gosh…I didn’t realize it was going to be this long D’: is it really fine for me to be this ramble-y???]] [6/?]   
[[Like, Should I just send it as a message and have it sent more quickly??]] [7/?] 
Hello, sweetie! Thank you for sending me all these messages (Tumblr ate the first one, unfortunately >.
Ah, where do I start? I agree with you on almost everything you said.
V’s route isn’t my favorite and tbh, I wasn’t even very excited for it when Cheritz announced it. Like, I missed playing MM, but I never thought we’d get anything other than DLCs, because the secret endings pretty much ended the story for good. Or so I thought.
Not to mention I never thought anything would top Saeyoung’s route. Growth, self-acceptance, forgiveness, finding happiness on your own terms (which is something we also see in his twin’s route)… His route touched upon topics that were very relevant to me at the time I played it. Similar to how V’s route helped you grow, Saeyoung’s story was pivotal for me. ^^
And then, BAAAAM.
Another Story.
There’s no doubt AS took MM a step further in terms of depth. It deals with V’s crushing guilt, his difficult childhood, his relationship with Rika, and paves the path of his self-discovery and personal growth. Lengthy chats and numerous VNs (I still find it hard to use Story Mode instead, but I’ll get used to it) guide us through V’s story and…
Then Ray happens. Even in the prologue you can tell something’s off. Ray is sweet, kind, a true gentleman that would always shower you with his love and roses, a man who craves your presence and approval… to the point of obsession. Completely different from the Unknown we know… I love Saeran with all my heart, but Ray’s behavior has always seemed like a desperate call for help to me. A call I, on the other hand, was desperate to answer.
That is why I couldn’t bring myself to replay V’s route. I couldn’t bare not being able to help Ray. I hated not being able to show him he should find happiness on his own terms. I hated not being able to help him find who he truly is. I hated the fact that he didn’t get a second chance.
That’s why I’ll forever be grateful to Cheritz for giving us the opportunity to try and help him. And similar to Saeyoung’s route, Saeran’s came into my life at exactly the right time.
I tend to prioritize “what should be done” over “what makes me happy” and that has often led me to self-destructive thoughts. I’m still fighting my old habits, but thanks to Saeran and his route, I’m slowly coming to terms with the idea that I should do what makes me happy.
Speaking of happiness, I think now is the right time to answer your question.
camera lenses; what is something you dream of?
I pretty much said it already. Pure happiness found on my own terms. I have millions of dreams and the tendency to believe they’re just that, fantasies of mine that will never come true. I dream of being someone people look up to, I dream of traveling and seeing the greatest wonders of nature that exist on this planet, I dream of being one of the first people to explore Mars and the Solar System… I dream of having a small flower shop or a cozy cafe in a quiet town… I dream of meeting people like the characters from MM (or the characters themselves, as impossible as it sounds), people I could call my family. I wouldn’t mind growing old surrounded by such people and a cute kitty, just like you said. ^^
Ah, this is getting too long, but I guess I also had some things inside my heart that I needed to say out loud. ^^
I’ll end this with a few questions for you. ^^ What would you have done differently if you were in charge of making V’s route? You also mentioned V and Jumin’s friendship, something I’d definitely like to see more of in canon. How do you imagine they’d spend an evening together post-AS? ^^ If you were able to meet one character from the game, just one, who would you like to meet? ^^
And one question that I keep asking myself very often (and I even plan on writing a short fic on it): do you think Ray’s death at the end of V’s route could have been avoided?
Again, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me! My face always lights up when I see a message from you or when I read your sweet tags under my posts! ^^
Let’s get to know each other!
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Mexico, racism, and storing extraction in our bodies. A year on.
Today I want to talk about racism in Mexico. 
The point for me in these letters is to talk about stuff that I find sometimes has not been named enough, not as a final statement, but more a need to digest and process in the way that I have found useful- through setting literal pen to handmade paper, to think about topics important to me as I am going through the process of making my paper: shredding, mulching, and at last hanging up a new blank sheet to dry for me to pour my thoughts onto. 
This thought has been churning in me in its complexity for a whole year, and at last it has a semblance of structure. So here goes the story:
Since I arrived in Mexico, I have not been able to shake off an uneasy feeling, and a growing concern for a reality I am finding harder and harder to accept, now that its fibers are made evident. My experience of Mexico has been similar to living in a cast system, and I want to talk about that and possible places to start to open this up. 
My journey started when I arrived last January to the cool slopes of Valle de Bravo my head full of dreams, to start my course in alternative education in a town that I was conscious was full of interesting people and projects that promised practice in the ways of transitioning to a possibly better future. While the dreams have not left, this more extreme aspect of my experience I think can shed a light on much of what I think is lacking in these spaces even in countries like the UK where there is much more social acceptance of these discussions. 
Mexico is a place of myths: one dear to its heart is that around the concept of mestizaje. The mestizo has a heart of fire from Spain, flamenco and the corridas while lashes sprouting from agave spines and desert dreaming eyes twirl as if they were all one. The reality of the mestizo is a little less exciting, and much more of what you would expect: the mixing of peoples and ethnicities that happened in the Spanish colonisation is much more the stratification of peoples into a cast system according to their lineage and their ‘whiteness’ and much less a tale of a beautiful melting pot and a story of when ‘colonisation was ok’. Today, there is still this cast system, and much unnamed pain still stores itself in these spaces between people, in even in the most ‘woke’ environments. There may not be here as much ‘overt’ wealth separation, but I argue that if we do not address how the extraction and violence of colonisation has stored itself in our white (and whiter) bodies and continues to create separation in us, and thus, systemically racist structures, we will not achieve any of the community based projects we have set out to create, treating the effects and sources of racism being one of the most important points in creating transition towards a future that can regenerate the world.
While it is true that many of us have dark eyes and dark hair, in amongst these spaces where people look like me, there is an unspoken knowledge that in reality much of our ancestors really have lighter skin because they never spoke Masahua, toltec, or tsetsal to each other; they spoke Spanish, French, maybe English or German. Our kinship was never of this land, and the mestizaje that did happen was always absorbed as much as possible back into the homogenising force of colonisation, back into the racist idea of whiteness. And that is why we are the wealthier and the whiter, that all appear together, that is why there are still ‘clubs’ (leisure centres) in Mexico city where you can pay a good sum to be cut off from the rest of its squalor, the ‘club France’ or the ‘club Spain’, where you can live out the extent of colonisation today, mixing only with people of your ‘line’. I have simultaneously seen spades of temazcales, plant medicine offerings, drumming and ancient healing practices (a genuine interest for things that I understand), and people going back to the same race relations where the darker skinned and those who speak a language of this land are the ones who uphold these lifestyles of relative ease of the whiter and wealthier. I am not saying that the search for meaning, for the return of ritual is wrong, but that this dynamic is evident of the deep embeddedness of the cast system in the Mexican psyche so much that much of of what I described here I think is completely obscure to most people and not seen as a problem. 
Again, the search for growth is not wrong, but the point of all this was to remember that you are deeply interconnected and interdependent with the people and beings around you, and that you and your little ego is not that important really. Ritual reaffirmed what actions and practices and interconnections were going on in your community already, they do not substitute them. My problem with these spaces is that I do not see any real attempt to create interdependence with people outside of your socio-economic (and racialised) class, thus maintaining the same racist structures of our predecessors. After a plant medicine ceremony, people go back to their houses where their help is darker skinned, has less formal education than them, and this will be the only point of contact with someone outside of their cast. Wage labor can never be fertile land to create interdependence, to create actual friendship and care. I feel that racism in Mexico expresses itself in those subtle ways only those on the receiving end know how insidious it can be: in the lack of care for breaking down the structures that keep us separate, unseen, and really interdependent. Lets face it, people do not really want to knit society with those who cannot participate in the cultural game of appearing woke like they do, they can only be seen with them in the form of ‘helping them’, ‘giving them a job’. To be actual friends is very very rare, and you can only participate in the game of appearing woke if your body has inherited a certain history of privilege. 
I see that despite all the good, sustainable initiatives and the ‘healing’ done in these circles, we are not open to see how our white bodies have stored racist, capitalist and extractivistic structures of wealth, that make it that even as a middle class student making it by, if unchecked, the same structures of oppression and pain will perpetuate themselves, and there will be no real planetary healing, no real chance of changing anything for the better in any really substantial way. The hoarding of value expresses itself in the overconfidence of whiter bodies, in the looks of comparison and the implication that something about you is not enough, spurring the original wound of capitalism and the need of endless consumption, hoarding, and taking from those you deem expendable. Colonialism in white bodies is the search for charisma, is the search for medicine for your own self agrandizaition, for it being commodified and consumed, folded back into capitalism, with no context and connection to creating interdependence with the people who imparted such knowledge. You will remain a cristal tower to the world around you, and you will find yourself saying that you have tried to connect with people outside of your cast, but, it’s like they don’t want to. And it’s not on them.
To counter this, I find that to start, try and create other spaces to exist outside of waged labor together, even if it is just in the form of conversations where you genuinely care about the others wellbeing. Trade from a point of equality, of truth. Breaking from racist woke structures demands that we paradoxically break some of the uber-confidence that I have argued, is the residual storage of wealth extractivism and colonialist violence that gets stored in how we use our bodies. It demands a de-sensitisation to reactions to how we can be culturally different, just let the differences be, see them without needing to sort and categorise or see how this could benefit you. Be humble in ways where you feel no one needs to take up more space then they need to. In the same way, no one needs to dress differently, put on an accent, play being the other, pretend something is different then it is. It is a genuine curiosity to know your neighbour, the complexity of their life, their highs and their woes just like you, and see how we can help each other out, fumbling towards being friends who do not shy away from the realities of being born into a world of separation and what that implies. I am in no way dismissing my paradoxes and how I struggle, even in my own family, where this relationship sometimes still plays on, and leave me forever uncomfortable. 
We will still exist in a world in Mexico where wage relationships as a standard are the reality, and if like many, you benefit from the help of people in your house, the issue is not the exchange of value, but wage relations in this way is an extension of colonialist history, and mostly the only history, and that the numbing to the reality of the roots of this separation is what keeps this going. Lets look into what lenses we were given, how we hold our bodies, where our priorities lie. 
Much love. 
E xxx
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The Power of Words: Lance edition
Warning: Looong post. Maybe worth it though? 
Something I’ve noticed about Lance since the beginning of the show is how influenced he is by the words people say to him. I think it explains the way his character shifts so much between three different stages. I’m going to label them as three main responses. 
Gloating/pride.
Defensiveness/self-preservation
Insecurity/realisation. 
They vary between each category. 
(Please note: This is a shipless post. No shipping lenses here. Safe for anyone.) 
The first instances I noticed this with could actually, potentially, allude to his entire arc. It is this comparison between the way Iverson treated him compared to Shiro in episode 1. From Lance’s perspective, both these men are above him in age, experience and rank. What they say to him matters. I noticed this because of the way the shots would hone in on his expression after, 1. Iverson’s scolding, naturally throwing Lance’s deficiencies around in his face, 2. Shiro acknowledging Lance by name and regarding him with thanks and an open palm, and 3. when Shiro asked Lance to complete his first mission. 
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Compare the expressions: 
Humiliated and crushed. 
Unsure, but honoured. 
Completely certain of himself. 
All these expression were provoked through words by those who rank above him. And you can visually see the way Shiro’s trust and kindness instantly lifts him. It’s like a switch. 
Words are a switch for Lance. 
Now let’s look into some other instances in each category I mentioned above: 
1. Gloating/pride. 
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The entire situation with Nyma reflected Lance’s easy influence to deception through endearment and words that bolster his pride. He loves to gloat, especially in front of girls. It’s what boys like to do. This, of course, carries connotations of him trying uphold this ideal image of himself he has inside his head, which, unsurprisingly, would likely look a lot like Shiro. 
And Nyma spurs this on. She’s obviously done this before, and the words she uses easily deceived Lance into doing what she wants. They’re little compliments that make him feel good, a bit of goading, some endearments and feigned interest around the sides. It’s everything Lance has ever dreamed of. He’s easily influenced by everything she says and it leads him straight into a trap. He willingly gave her his hand as he trusted her completely because she told him everything he wanted to hear. 
It becomes clear that Lance values the words of those around him, even complete strangers. 
Now, hopefully, Lance has learnt from that mistake. 
Other examples of how words really bolster and lift his pride, and thus, his ego include these: 
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A theme that squeezes it’s way out here is the type of people that really influence Lance. Girls and heroes. Not exactly the most realistic and ideal things to be influenced by, but what it does is illustrates him as what he is. A teenage boy. Teenage boys love girls and they love their heroes. Who is he gloating to here? Allura. A beautiful girl. Why is he gloating? Because Shiro, his hero (lol) complimented him. He’s feeling on top of the world. You compare that to how he was feeling before with the Yupper, and it’s a stark contrast. So, he’s very sensitive to words. He’s also a drama queen. 
In this case with Shiro, compared to Nyma, it’s a positive thing. Mostly because Shiro isn’t deceiving Lance into anything, he’s paying him a well-deserved compliment. It bolsters Lance’s own idea of where he fits on the team and, yeah, he gloats. Because he’s proud and thrilled about his hero/leader saying these things about him. If the Queen of England called me a great sharpshooter, you know what, I’d believe it, and I’d gloat for the rest of my life. (Hint: I am not a great sharpshooter.) Shiro is obviously a heavy influence over Lance and his perception of himself. His words mean a lot. So I found it interesting when Lance channelled that kind of encouragement of Shiro’s in season 3 + 4 towards both Keith and Allura. (More on that later.) I also think it’s interesting to compare Lance seeking approval from Shiro to Lance seeking either validation or confirmation from Keith in season 3. Shiro was there at that point, but was not the ‘leader’. The dynamics had changed and Lance was in the process of accepting that. So he sought out Keith. If we look at this without a shipping lens it looks a lot like Lance, having accepted Keith as the leader, is seeking Keith’s opinion like he would Shiro’s. You can see his perception of Keith has shifted and matured a lot here. Good growth. 
So now we see how his pride affects him, and who provokes it–let’s get into point 2. 
2. Defensiveness/self-preservation. 
Lance has an idea of himself he wants to uphold. When someone threatens that idea he can become prickly. Three parts of his idea include: His sharpshooting, intelligence and piloting. These are threatened by mainly Pidge and Keith. Examples:
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What I’d like to focus on here is his face in the last frame. It’s a very quick transition between that and him grinning again. But he definitely was unhappy with Pidge’s words. And we’ve seen how influenced he is by words and opinions of him. It really shows in this episode. He didn’t say anything to retort her, but from that expression he looks offended–and potentially already starting to question himself. He had already felt the need to defend his skills when Pidge reminded him he only had a single shot. Pidge has a tendency to push. And her words are very–very sharp and honest. Most of the time. Remember, she also likes to kid around a lot. However, she’s also the ‘brains’ so her words can become tangled up in someone’s mind when she’s joking. What actually might have been a good natured tease, might become something doubt-inducing instead. Because people believe her. She’s an origin of facts and reasoning. Even Keith doubted himself based on her words after she called him a ‘loner’. So why wouldn’t Lance begin to question his skills when someone as smart as Pidge doubted them right in front of his face? It leads to later self-doubt that continued throughout the episode and into season 3. 
Something to note is that Lance first reacts against Pidge’s words, but later convinces himself through circumstances and time that they are true. 
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And we all know how this escalates later into another spiral of self-doubt after Blue rejects him.
 Compare this to Keith and Lance’s interactions, which a much more intense and instantaneous. 
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This exchange with Keith highlights similarly his self-preservative tendencies when his piloting is brought into question. The way Keith says ‘cargo pilot’ is clearly derogative, which alludes to the idea of it being a very much undesired and looked down upon position in the Garrison. He immediately places Lance on a lower level to him, and Lance…doesn’t appreciate that. He reacts violently and defensively with his own insult on his tongue just for Keith. Now, Lance is a naturally good natured person, but many of his interactions at the beginning with Keith have a heavy undertone of real bitterness. 1. Keith is a psychological threat to his reputation. And 2. Keith literally verbally degraded his reputation. The way they interact very much reflects the rivalry Lance mentioned, however one sided. The point is, Lance rejects, deflects and repels anything Keith says to him near the beginning with intense dislike. Keith’s words were like being burned with a hot poker and then flinching away from it only to smack it out of the person’s hands. Keith’s words spur out a defensive Lance.  
Now, it’s important to understand Keith isn’t the villain here, as Lance doesn’t respond very maturely, and for the most part, Keith isn’t serious about what he says. What’s interesting is that Lance spurs out Keith’s humour, but Keith isn’t the best at translating that verbally as humour. It comes out instead as an attack in Lance’s mind. So, when I say Keith threatens Lance’s skills, I don’t mean literally. I mean he threatens Lance’s idea of his skills. 
Keith threatens Lance’s idealised version of himself. One, as I mentioned, that is very likely carved out of how he perceives Shiro.        
Keith also threatens Lance’s idea of his intelligence. 
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Here, naturally, Lance reacts with intense defensiveness, going straight for another insult directed at Keith. It’s instant–like a switch–the way Keith’s words drive Lance straight up the wall. The warning bells are going, ‘threat, threat, threat’, and he’s reacting faster than he can even come up with a decent insult. In this case, he has Hunk to back him up. And look how pleased with himself he is. His insult was honestly terrible, Keith get’s all the points for creativity there. 
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Again. The dialogue is snappy between them. There’s barely even a gap between one before the other is starting. 
But you get the picture. Lance has an image to protect. And people like Pidge and Keith, with cutting words, challenge it. Hunk backs it up. Shiro bolsters it. And pretty girls encourage it. 
Now let’s get to what you all love most: some soul crushing angst.  
3. Insecurity/realisation. 
What we’ve touched on before was how Pidge’s words tease out Lance’s doubt at times. And it’s not her fault, it’s just the way Lance clings and reacts to words in relation to how he views himself. 
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What struck me here was the way he even listened to the Yupper. He’s on self-doubt spiral and if you’ve ever been through one of those, you know that sometimes the only thing you can take in is more negatives. The Yupper ‘agreeing’ with Lance, and then Lance agreeing with it says a lot about how words can affect him when he’s in that kind of spiralling mood. More so, the phrase, ‘I thought’ suggests that he doesn’t think that any longer. He did at the start of the episode, but not by this point, as a result of Pidge bringing up something that conflicted his own image. 
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Then again here: All he’s seeing, once again, is the negatives. Pidge’s words stick. In comparison, Keith’s past insults don’t. Not to the same extent. Lance doesn’t cling to those like he does to Pidge’s. But what I liked about here is this part (and look, I’m getting way into symbolism, sue me, I like it): 
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Now, the ‘lion roaring’ here, for me, is going to be translated into something equal to a ‘voice’. It’s words that constantly throw Lance around for a loop. Words that tell him he’s great, words that tell him he’s not, and words that say one thing only to mean another. I find it significant that the Red Lion ‘roars’ for him, and Lance hears it. It becomes confirmation that he does belong there as a Paladin. Verbally, almost, in a sense. 
He seeks verbal confirmation of his place later on with Keith as well, as I mentioned before as he settles in with Keith’s new position. Lance has to hear it to believe it. Which is why I think his expression was still so dull when he said thanks to Keith just before leaving. He didn’t quite get what he came for. So I’m hoping the writers touch on that again. I found that scene ironic since Lance was taking on that specific side of Shiro for the others previously, but he still needed it returned. 
Finally, okay I’m near the end, I promise. Here’s the finale.
Lance is learning how words are not only important to him, but how he can use them as tools to lift his teammates. He seems to be very much aware how much encouragements and advice can help and lift his friends in season 3 + 4 especially. Specifically for Allura and Keith, who both displayed similar doubts about themselves as Lance has before, and continues to. Lance understands it. He understands doubt.  
Examples: (I know you know what they are, but I love pictures) 
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So, in its essence, what I’m trying to say is Lance is finding his own ‘voice’. 
With all these other voices around him telling him who he is and isn’t, Lance is learning that the one voice that really matters is his. And not in accordance to himself, but in the way he can use it for others. He’s spent a lot of time listening to the voices around him, but it’s about time he began using his own. 
And the others listen. 
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Law of Attraction: Do Opposites Really Attract?
IF this was the topic sentence then it should look like this: It's been a long while since the Law of Attraction (LOA) busted out into mainstream culture, but seriously is making so many heads turn away and eyes rolling up the sky. I wonder why? Could it be that the law was wrong? Misrepresented? Misleading? A big mistake? Well, whether that's true or not, one thing is for sure: Attraction is what drives human passion, and whether or not it's due to similarities or polarities will all depend on who's wielding the whole attraction field.
Warning: Very long post, so I did my best to make it in such a way that you can scan and speed read stuff so you can still get something here. Thank you for reading. Oh, and there’s a summary and conclusion portion at the end of this post so if you’re tl;dr mode you’re welcome lol
Hey guys, what's up? Bet you didn't see this post coming lol yeah I know even I was surprised to be typing this today, but it has been bugging me for a few days now so I guess I have to get this out of my head and get a good night's rest. Also, I kept getting weird songs in my head singing that opposites attract, and me, a sucker of the Law of Attraction (LOA) stuff for quite a while now and somewhat unearthing all the stuff hidden from common knowledge since I discovered this (and other universal laws that apparently affect our lives one way or another) have been getting conflicting results so I shall be sharing the stuff that I found out and whatever I'm going to type in this post (tah-dah, channeled stuff lol) for everyone who's been frustrated at making this universal law work for their own favor.
The Premise: What you think about is what you'll attract. Therefore, change your thoughts to change what you pull into your world. What the mainstream isn't telling the people: Your SUBCONSCIOUS MIND is the one that DRIVES what YOU pull into your world, whether you like it or not. How I came up with this stuff: I discovered LOA around the same time that I consciously awakened, and desperate to shift my shitty life, I decided there and then to undertake the task of leveling-up my shadow work so that I could rid everything that has been keeping me in a crappy state of mind and reality. Also the depressive state has gotten to me so much that I was literally wallowing in self-pity before sleeping each night. So yeah, when I started manifesting "nice" stuff, like a plane trip to somewhere I haven't been in before, having some pocket money for that, and for some weird reason being able to live despite a lot of "lacks", I started believing in the idea that "thoughts become reality." It was pretty awesome, until sometime later I started manifesting the "crappy" stuff: Manifesting a job that only seemed "nice" on the surface but was really like a can of worms that only waited for me to open it up and change it all permanently, for a lot of people.
Honestly it was scary and each time I think about it, I am actually scared that I bring chaos everywhere I go, but at this point I am just thinking that if things were as they were and there were no hidden agendas, it won't be a can of worms to begin with. I have already accepted the fact that anything rooted in lies can and will get uprooted to show the truth and be transformed into whatever its true form was. But this wasn't just in the workplace, but also for me, personally. I attracted the wrong kind of people, those that prey on insecurities and the people pleasers and all that crappy stuff that apparently were still in my subconscious and in my energetic field. They all seem nice and shiny until the time that they show their true selves, which can really heck you up, big time. Weirdly a lot of people let down their guard around me and show their true selves, like even psychically I could feel out what kind of person these people were. I don't mind if those are just the stuff that I originally sense from them and then later find out that I'm on point, but are just benign nuances that I could live with. But there were times when I feel scared even just thinking about it because there was a time when I kept getting some ultra-low vibes, like from a sexual predator within the area, and, well, they kinda showed up, in my face. I was scared for my life. I guess some saving grace that I am still thankful for despite the events were that someone was around the area as well, so the predatory attacks were minimized to some degree which I can manage and escape from. Not fun, but it happens.
But I did everything to clear my thoughts!!!
Well, turns out my subconscious programming of not being enough, my constant depressive state that was at some point labeled as "high-functioning depression" which allowed me to hold a decent job while wanting to die at the same time (yeah I know it happens), being too-desperate for someone to fawn over me and tell me how nice and whatever I am, all those insecurities that were all a huge bunch of snow about to fall into a massive avalanche, the stuff that I didn't get to uncover through shadow work, these beliefs and ideas and notions of who I am as a person attracted really shady characters that, one way or another made me question my life choices over and over again. It's still a miracle that despite the crappy results, I am still OK putting myself out there, or at least seeing that as an option in the future.
Seriously, after what happened, if I can hide any further or bury myself in the ground just to make the pain stop, I would have done that. But at the same time, I am still doing my best to hold on to any form of hope that everything will get better. That at the very least, I can improve my discernment of people so that I can put my trust  on the right people at the right time. I am still hoping for that to happen, but right now, as the world is starting to feel the energies from the higher dimensional realms, I have consciously chosen to focus more on my own growth, because seriously, I have a lot of subconscious programming that are really hecked up, like big time.
For instance: I am more than willing to sell myself less that what I'm really worth, just to make do. Which, translated to conscious terms: I am not worthy to be recognized (and paid in all energetic ways) and be given what is rightfully due of me. How I am healing that idea at the moment: Building my skills as well as self-confidence through subconscious reprogramming that whatever I am right now, I am enough, and worthy of love from the universe. How I check if this belief has been changed: Muscle test, feelings test, because the subconscious mind can give answers to any Yes-No questions, or just paint a vivid picture of whatever it wants to say. Like. it doesn't even bother to spell or write. It just paints a picture and pulls up feelings and emotions that are familiar or alien to us, however that feels for us.
OK but we still haven't touched the topic of "Do opposites really attract?", Like don't keep us waiting here.
No worries fam, Mika-chi's got you. And this is what I really want to write here, but it would seem weird without my weird rambling premise above because I don't know, maybe it would seem to make sense once this part gets built.
Premise: Opposites attract I beg to differ, and offer this idea instead: You get attracted to anything that you "think" you don't have yet. Conversely, you don't get attracted to anything that you already have or you don't like because subconsciously you already have whatever that is.
I will be writing this through the lenses of being in a relationship of any kind, because that's what I can think about right now that may have some sense to most people. Also relationships are extremely over-rated or even misrepresented through mass media, so this notion might break the illusion to most, if not some.
How did I come up with such a dumb idea anyway?
Well, I did say it's going to be based on relationships, and because that's the kind of stuff I may have some experience on, that's what I'll post here. If you think or feel that I am ringing my own bells for writing stuff here that I have personally experienced, uhm.. I'd rather do that than steal someone else's blog and paste their own crap here. I may be blowing my own horns but at least I don't steal. My personal integrity is my most valuable possession right now, and I am doing my best to take care of it and help it grow. Also as a content creator here, or elsewhere, I recognize the value of creativity and anything that a person makes through their own skills and efforts, and I expect to get that same respect. I don't care if the creator of that content thinks it's ugly AF. If you ask me what I think, if you did it with all your heart and effort then it's beautiful AF, and I could feel that beauty energetically, hands down. Besides, if a person wants to improve, there's always a way to improve: do it everyday, learn and grow everyday.
Which brings me to the idea that opposites do not attract per se, but that what one lacks in itself, it tries to get for itself.
Case in point: Plants
Why do plants grow towards the sun? Like, even if you plant them upside-down, they will always do their best to grow to where the sun is.
Why is that?
Simple, plants know what they need, and they need sunlight. Sunlight to produce their own food. The sunlight helps the chlorophyll convert nutrients as well as the atmospheric carbon into sugars that they can store as food (photosynthesis, light reactions) But they don't have that sunlight all the time, so they grow more cells (leaf cells) to catch more sunlight, grow more cells to keep going towards the sun (vascular tissues aka their stems), so that they can keep going to where the sunlight shines the most.
OK, so how can I apply this to me and my own relationships? I don't photosynthesize and shit.
Yeah, great question you got there, and Mika-chi's got you covered.
But first, I will ask you something:
Think of your crush. Or your special person. Or your significant other, if you're blessed to have one right now. Now, think clearly, without the rose-tinted glasses, what made you sway towards them? Why do you like them? What makes them likeable to you? List as much as you can, take your time.
OK, now you've probably listed like what, 1, 3, 20, or how many reasons you got for liking that particular person.
NOW, for more hecking-ups, and be ABSOLUTELY HONEST with yourself, ok?
As you are right now, do you think YOU DON'T HAVE these attributes within you? Lemme rephrase that: In your list of "Why do I like/love my special person/significant other", DO YOU BELIEVE, that YOU DON'T HAVE ANY OF THOSE LIKEABLE STUFF RIGHT NOW?
Now, why did I even ask something as dumb and as triggering as that?
Simple really, it's likely that you liked that person because they probably have something that you secretly wanted, or subconsciously wanted to covet. Reaaaaaally think about that for a moment.
It can be that they're really nice and kind and warm. Or that they're thoughtful. Or they make you laugh and feel at ease. Or they're super-smart, tech-savvy, updated with the new stuff. Or maybe they're beautiful, handsome, aesthetically-pleasing. Can sing really good, or draws really well. Or good at games, console or not, digital or not. Or have really good leadership skills, or money skills, or they’re super-analytical logical. Or just being super-confident, self-assured, emotionally-secure.
Basically whatever you think is attractive.
But have you ever thought about the idea that... What if YOU started CULTIVATING those same stuff INSIDE YOU?
What would happen then? Would you still like them in the same way right now?
Now, just let the ideas sink in. You can leave this post right now and ponder about the ideas and come back later.
OR....
Just keep reading.
OK fam, whatever it is you’re thinking right now, I hate to break this to you but.... Whatever the case is, it all boils down to a basic idea:  You don't have those attributes yet so when you see someone with those traits you immediately hone in on them. And to be honest, this is something subconscious. You may "think" you don't know why, but unfortunately, this is probably the WHY.
BUT WHY????? How dare you say these blasphemous things!
Yeah, precisely, that's what I was thinking before I got my epiphany 7 years ago. It was both horrible and yet at the same time empowering, AF. It was also scary, and that's what got me thinking about how the entire thing about "opposites attract" was just one large piece of crap, which was later somewhat uppended by the LOA because again, the law states that YOU ATTRACT WHAT YOU THINK/BELIEVE. And if you keep attracting crappy stuff, that's the subconscious beliefs thinking THAT'S WHAT YOU DESERVE, no matter how many positive affirmations your conscious mind eats everyday.
OK, putting this in a relationship perspective again, here's how I came up with that notion:
In my previous relationship, I basically tuned in to this dude because he has a lot of attributes that, in my 3D dead asleep mind found quite attractive, such as a tall height (cries in 5' lol but hey now I'm 5' 3/4" so yeah lol), really good with math (the dude's an engineering student), really commanding (somewhat Caucasian) facial features (laughs in my Southeast-Asian face lol), nice singing voice, good reasoning skills, clear and focused thinking, knows how to commit and attend to scheduled activities, draws structures, isometric drawings, and manga characters in ink really well (technical drawings especially inks do require a lot more skills than freehand penciling), can ride a big motorbike, and to be honest, is also an otaku like yours truly. In my 3D dead asleep way of thinking, I don't have a lot of these attributes, ok maybe I do have some like the OK singing voice, the commanding facial features (but with the looks of a typical Southeast-Asian), substantial reasoning skills (that's a requirement for science degrees lol), committment to schedules (as needed), and some substantial drawing skills (needed to draw bacterial cells, cheek cells, and chromosomes lol), but the other stuff, I don't have back then.
But then things changed when the Fire Nation attacked. LOL just kidding, NOT.
OK, so when the breakup happened (gah what a terrible segue lol) and after sometime, I strongly felt the need to build my self-esteem and self-confidence again, because let me tell you, getting dumped or rejected one way or another can really, REALLY take a toll on your entire being. Especially when you take any form of rejection as a personal attack, as a child. Yeah, I know right, it sucks. But some of us are programmed like that. And we have to degunk that junk so that we can heal ourselves and all that jazz. But at the time when that happened to me, I was still somewhat in the 3D dead asleep state, and what's worse was that aside from getting no resolution nor proper closure from the breakup (still have no idea why but I've gotten past that somehow), surprise, surprise, I've lost the ability to walk without enduring excruciating pain. I was basically living in my bed, no physical therapy other than me doing that on my own, and desperately trying to piece back whatever scraps of life I still hold in my hand. So I did something that felt so alien to me.
I started learning Math. Mind you, not college level math. Not even high school math. Yep. I learned elementary math. Primary level math. That was my major waterloo. I can't do that shit. I didn't even know the entire multiplication table back then. Yeah I survived and even graduated with a Science degree without knowing that basic shit. Laugh all you want, but I survived through college with a scientific calculator that was older than me and some basic knowledge of statistics. I flunked some subjects but they're math so yeah. But I still finished that science course which was full of math (suprise, surprise, I’m a Biology graduate, specialized in Genetics and that shit was full of math lol), even if I had to crawl.
But that was a long time ago, and being at my lowest low (back then) I needed something to fill in the void and help me become complete. So I learned primary math. I learned how to do long division (former boyfriend taught me but forgot a lot because I didn't get to use them a lot, just to get through the Civil Service Exam), recall the multiplication table better, divide decimals, and all the primary math stuff I don't know. I do get well with fractions and percentages though, so I guess at some point I have come to believe that I wasn't half as dumb as I thought I was.
I also took the time (before I lost my lower-limb powers) to learn how to draw realistic portraits of people, just to prove to myself that I have some self-worth of some sort. This drew in mixed reactions to people within my former social media network, ranging from "wow that's cool" to "stop wasting time get back to work". Of course, as with all of my efforts, I didn't learn the techniques as fast as I wanted them to learn, but there came a time that everything just clicked and things fell into place (I am eternally grateful to EXO for this, lol). It was a harsh, uphill battle to build my self-esteem to even half of what it was, and in a way, I was able to recover, for a while. Yeah, I know it wasn't the best way but at that time, I was hopelessly burying the gnawing pain of loss by doing the stuff that I thought I didn't have, but turns out that I actually did.
A few years in, I was feeling great, and I felt that nicer things were coming my way again. I started driving to work (my workplace was quite far), started to mentor thesis students again, and everything was going well despite some aspects that were still sucky. In a way, building myself back up to be stronger was a great plan, back then, just so I could show myself to the world again, and do stuff. I thought I was OK, but deep inside I was still wanting to have that closure that I never had, and by this time I haven't learned to BE CAREFUL OF WHAT TO WISH FOR, because boy oh boy the universe can get batshit crazy.
Due to a series of events, I ended up meeting the former boyfriend, like I have zero clue that it was even possible. I mean, back then, I felt that the universe was so mean to make it happen, because after that meetup there was STILL no closure. No apologies, no reasons given, nothing. And to be honest, I am still kicking myself every now and then because I SHOULD HAVE MOVED ON AFTER ALL THAT SHIT. In the end, I was unable to go to the deep roots of grieving for my original loss, and because that had a shaky foundation that only focused on the external stuff, it broke me.
SO it was time to step up to "why did I even like this person - Ver 2.0".
This process took quite a long time that by the time I was about to finish I was already at a screwed up place and feeling that same feeling again, of breaking and shattering again. It was just horrible AF but that time I had to kick myself in the butt to sincerely, just forgive and move on. That despite what happened to me, I can still come back on top and be my self-assured self. I had to build my mental capacity to be OK with being sucky and making mistakes. Not easy but doable, and by the time I was healed, I was already looking forward to having a fresh new start with someone MORE LIKE ME, maybe not now but in the future. I was, and still am doing my best to enjoy being a self-assured single grandma lol but also still being open to the idea of meeting someone better in the future, despite the pandemic right now. I mean, miracles can happen so I don't see why it can't lol
OK but you still haven't said anything about attracting or getting attracted to someone that seems your polar opposite, or not opposite.
Oh yeah, thank you for reminding me about that. Yeah, I was getting to that part..
So after meeting the former boyfriend and getting to chat and whatnot, I found out, energetically and through his mannerisms and speech that after all these years, HE WAS STILL THE SAME. But even more disturbing for me at that time, and probably still, is that HE WAS NOT WILLING TO LEARN AND CHANGE. To some degree. Maybe he held some contempt for me, maybe for him I'm just the crazy ex-gf, I'll probably never know (because we don't talk anymore lol but also at this point I’m like yeah sure whatever makes him happy I just don't care much anymore lol). So at that point, I was starting to think "Why did I fell for this dude again?" Like seriously, I didn’t know anymore. We've drifted so far apart that we're basically polar opposites, and to be honest I feel a bit disappointed with myself that I actually fell for someone like that. I mean, yeah, sure, he has his good points, but the fact that through all the years I was with this person, I could strongly feel that he was keeping a lot of stuff from me, maybe just to keep the peace, maybe just to shut me up, and here I was having strong alarm bells ringing and telling me that "this dude be lyin." And the more I pushed him to be honest, the more he rebelled.
In the end, looking back, he never felt safe to be vulnerable with me, in the entirety of that relationship, and up to this day I still feel horrible that I was unable to be the safe haven for him like he was for me. For him, he probably valued peace and harmony more than being honest with whatever he was feeling inside. I personally value honesty and transparency more than the harmony and peace, because the reality of life is that if a person is kind enough, even though your ideas and beliefs are disharmonious, if the person has some kindness inside them, the differences can easily be overlooked because kindness brings upon respect. Unfortunately in our case, we weren't woke enough to even realize that. Even worse was that my insecurities due to my hecked up childhood more likely pushed him to the farthest regions of the universe, so I won't blame him if he thinks I'm worse than the stinkiest food in the world. Heck, even I still cringe whenever I remember being such an insecure bitch, really, like that was so far from me right now, but at the same time I am doing my best to embrace that insecure bitch because at the end of it all, if I never realized that, I'm still probably stuck in the same space, and still pining for a person who will never, ever love me back the way I wanted to be loved, nor could I ever give hime the love he wanted and needed. Well, to be honest, that whole shit was a karmic thing anyway so I am just doing my best to forgive the past, to grow to be a much more loving, compassionate person, but at the same time taking zero shit from everyone. Yeah still building the no-BS musculature so I could love others as much as I can love myself. I think that's fair, right?
So right now, at present, based on what I have gathered so far from my past experiences, everything that I felt that I didn’t have, I did my best to build inside me. To the best of my abilities. And each time I uncover one shadow after another, I do my best to forgive and accept that shadow as a part of me. In a way, it healed me, and brought me self-assurance of what I am and what I am worth. It also helped me decide on what would be the most important traits or characteristics for me in finding that special someone in the future. For instance, realizing what are the things and beliefs that I deem important, for me, if I do not see that in another person, or worse, if they're totally the polar opposite of what I believe in, I see a huge opportunity to move on fast. Because it does not reflect what I have. For example, if a person is not in the path of self-development, self-improvement or in the journey of spiritual awakening or whatever the heck I am in right now, that's already one major thing that would help me walk away in the other direction. Or, if a person choses to be extremely polarized and not wanting to see any other perspectives with regards to problems or issues, I'd start walking out the door. Or if a person just underestimates my capabilities, or thinks I'm dumb and I don't know what I'm talking about, without even listening or hearing me at all, I'd fly away as fast as I can right there and then. Or the biggie, when a person has zero empathic skills and always looks down on others or laughs at the shortcomings of other people without evaluating the person as a whole. I'd take the first train out of there, because seriously, why choose such people to be with, other than being scared of loneliness? Honestly, I'd rather be alone than be with a person that I can't stand to be with, just because society or my insecurities dictate it. I love myself enough to walk away from such "securities" in my life, because at the end of the day, I deserve better things. And these people also deserve to be with people that reflects who they are deep inside, no hard feelings there.
Of course, despite all that esoteric stuff, finding an aesthetically-pleasing tall-statured dude is still on my list, but this time, with more bearings on the internal traits, which are mostly what I already have with me, so that I can let go of all the relationship dramas that society deems "normal". Because really, it is possible to remove dramas in relationships, I mean, dramas are really just optional garbage that everyone can opt out of, but to make that happen it takes two to tango. Still doable though, which is why the concept of "conscious uncoupling" exists, as well as "conscious coupling". And honestly, I would really, really want to give the idea of "conscious coupling" a try, because frankly, if a person can move past the subconscious programming and make improvements in such a way that all relationships become healthy for everyone involved, I don't see any reasons for hearts being broken, nor families and individuals becoming broken through doing a lot of unconscious processes aka 3D dead asleep consciousness. Otherwise, repeating patterns and cycles of negativity, abuse, and just overall sucky relationships will keep coming back in various shapes or forms, with different people and circumstances, until one way or another, a person chooses to do something totally different and to consciously change.
Oh glob, this was quite a long-ass post, but I hopefully made my points clear. If not, I'll make a summary and conclusion portion here:
The idea that opposites attract have long been deemed as something legitimate and logical, due to magnetic poles, but this notion directly opposes the Law of Attraction through the implementation processes, as LOA states that attraction to or of something happens with anything or everything that you want and/or already have. But looking past that, it must be clearly stated that in order for LOA to work as normal and not allow the "Opposites Attract" paradigm to occur, a subconscious clearing of any opposing beliefs must be in order. Otherwise, what a person wants will not come to them but what is the opposite, because the subconscious wants something else and this something else is what gets magnified through subconscious manifestations and gets magnetized into the person's life, hence the operation of the "Opposites Attract" paradigm into the person's life and not the LOA. With such premises, these concepts are also applicable to the nature of human relationships, wherein a person's subconscious beliefs about themselves and their own perceived self will keep attracting the same kind of love that people around them imprinted to them during their early years, which can manifest as having low self-esteem, low self-worth, near-zero self-confidence, not feeling enough, and the person they get into a relationship with will keep reflecting these beliefs to them by getting the kind of treatment their subconscious believes that they deserve, until these people become consciously aware of these patterns and correlate these to how other people treated them in the past and still do in the present. As such, it needs a strong, conscious decision and a committed effort to reprogram the subconscious mind to stop the "Opposites Attract" paradigm and to allow the true LOA to work for people, because in the end, LOA is a formidable force that works for all people in all walks of life, awakened and consciously living, or not.
Again, thank you so much for reading this very long post, but I hope it helped you in any way.
Wishing you all the best that life has to offer, I remain your friend, Mikazuki
PS. If you found the information in this post to be very helpful, insightful, and of great value to you and your own personal journey, please feel free to reblog, share and heart/like, or if you feel super-generous, energetic exchanges are welcomed! Please click here and use this email address: [email protected]
Thank you so much and be blessed!
PSS. If you’re interested to get a personal card and energetic reading, for inquires please send an email or an anonymous ask in this page. Thank you! =)
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How Poly Made Me a Better Person
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Since 1999, I have been in a poly relationship with my transgender wife. During that time I have had a number of relationships, from short to long term, from a few months to a few years, from vanilla to all kinds of kinky, with a variety of genders and races. Before my wife, I was in multiple non-traditional relationships as well. It seems that from the beginning of my adult life conventional, heteronormative, monogamous, romantic partnerships were just not in the cards. At 15 years old I dreamed of growing up to be Anais Nin, obsessed with my own psyche, with two great loves, and many stories in between. In my version though, I would be in love with a man and a woman. Now at 45, I can say I am living this vision in real time and I am happier and more fulfilled than I have ever been. However, it isn’t because I have more people in my life or because I am never alone. It isn’t because poly relationships are better than other relationships. It’s because living a poly lifestyle and building a poly framework for understanding others and myself has made me a better person.  Does this mean alternative relationship structures make everyone who participates a better person? Absolutely not. It is a choice; a choice you can make at any point in your journey.
Not Everything Is about You, but Everthing Is about You
In order to become a stronger, smarter, better person and a much better partner in almost any scenario you must recognize and stop projection on to the people you love most. Projection of your feelings, beliefs, or ideas on to other people is, in my opinion, one of the top reasons relationships don’t last. Especially in the United States we are almost conditioned that love and projection are the same action, which they are not. Love another includes ‘seeing” the other person fully for who they are and and loving yourself includes “seeing” yourself as a complex human being of depth. Projection means you no longer see someone or yourself clearly because you are adding a layer of idealism or fear or judgment or expectation to the experience. Over the years I have discovered that 95% of the time that I feel defensive, argue, feel uncomfortable with someone, or get my feelings hurt it is because of my own projections. I am making my friend or lover’s response about me, but it’s not. I assign intentions to the other person, but those intentions are not theirs, they are mine. Poly has literally cleansed my emotional and mental lenses so I can see myself projecting in the moment and course correct before I fight, before I hurt, before I defend.  
Practice Emotional Intelligence 
One of the key ingredients of learning to truly see the people I love and stop my habit of projection is emotional intelligence. Emotional Intelligence is defined as: 
"...the ability to perceive emotions, to access and generate emotions so as to assist thought, to understand emotions and emotional knowledge, and to reflectively regulate emotions so as to promote emotional and intellectual growth." - Mayer & Salovey, 1997
At it’s core, emotional intelligence (according to author, academic, and educator Daniel Goleman) is a blend of self awareness, empathy, self regulation, motivation, and social skills. We often say people are naturally empathetic, social, or motivated as if these were personality traits we are born with or without. However, empathy, social confidence, and motivation are all traits we can cultivate inside. We can develop and fortify over time with a variety of methods including meditation, psychotherapy, counseling, martial arts, music, writing, and many other forms of creative expression. The goal of emotional intelligence is to realize and embrace that each one of us is having an internal and external dialogue. These dialogues reflect the depth and clarity our relationship with ourselves and with others. We must listen and learn about these exchanges and understand how they are connected and when they are occurring. Sometimes this causes a merging and revealing of our conscious and unconscious desires.    
Strengthen Your Inner Pause Button
I am an emotional person constantly full of raw feeling that transfers through my emotional and mental systems with very little filter. It is intense, but it’s also thrilling. The beauty is that the emotional and mental parts of my Self are very connected and speak freely to one another. I feel things at a high decibel, but I also quickly categorize and mentally process them. It makes understanding my Self much easier and helps me avoid delusion and projection. The flip side is that I can react quickly and sometimes forget to complete my internal communications and process. In order to manage this and use my strengths to the best of my ability I have had to create and exercise my inner pause button. One regular strategy I employ is called the 72 hour rule. It means that when I have strong feelings and want to react I must sit with the feelings for at least 3 days and after that time if I still remember what bothered or excited me then I can make a plan to do something with the feelings. If I don’t remember then whatever stirred me is my responsibility and wasn’t about the other person or people. Even with my romantic partners I stick to these rules and it creates a world where we do not fight, yell, or blame, we simply discuss problems and disagreements without the burden of reactionary words or actions. Your pause button also may not materialize in just a few days or even weeks. It takes time to practice and make that muscle strong enough that you can flex it whenever you want or need to. It has taken me almost 30 years and I am still nowhere near perfect.       
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Trust in People’s Best Intentions  
It is impossible to have a successful poly relationship with someone you do not trust and trusting a romantic partner doesn’t mean doing it once when you first meet and your brain is full of infatuation chemicals. Trust is something that given, earned, maintained, and reinforced over time. Once you have a connection with someone and the trust is built you must begin to believe in the other person’s best intentions. You must act as if you know in your heart and your mind that the person you are in love with wants what is best for both of you. This means when situations arise you can’t suddenly act as if you believe they are out to hurt you, leave you, or upset you. You must act as if you believe they care deeply for you, mean the words they say, and have their own reasons for making choices that may be different than your reasons. Every time I feel angry or jealous or disappointed I remind myself that no one I love and that truly loves me wants me to feel that way. This motivates me to listen to my lover’s intention and see her/him/them as a whole person separate from me. Also trusting others requires that you trust yourself. If you can’t trust there is something inside you need to confront and deal with, even if your lack of trust originates from your relationships with people in the past. It may take time, but you can heal yourself and learn to trust again.   
Love Is Worth the Risk
All of these strategies and lessons I have learned from loving deeply with my whole Self even when I knew it was a risk. I have come to believe that regardless of what kind of relationship structures you prefer, giving your heart, spirit, or body to others will always create the potential for suffering and you have to decide if it is worth it. After almost 45 years on this planet I have won in love and been wounded, but I get to decide if I believe it is worth it, so I do, and that belief, that faith can never be taken from me. 
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michaela-renee-blog · 6 years
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Dimensional Realities: Learning from the Ancient Egyptians
I’ve recently felt very fatigued about much of what our society deems as the “truth”. I have been blessed with incredible intuition and God enters my subconscious via Holy Spirit when there’s an answer to be sought. In the midst of finals week, I grew curious about Ancient Egyptian civilization after reading Exodus, the second book in the Old Testament. This new inquisitive attitude toward the Ancient Egyptian culture allowed me to soon stumble upon a paradigm-shifting documentary called: The Pyramid Code. 
The first episode of The Pyramid Code ultimately questions the most common ideologies of egyptologists, specifically the claims that pyramids were built as tombs for pharaohs and their significant others. But why would the Egyptians spend so much time and effort building the largest man-made structures on Earth, at the time, to simply serve them as burial sites? That doesn’t make sense; my instinct leads me to believe there must be a greater incentive or purpose for the pyramid-building Egyptians. Not to mention the “historical” stories about slaves using pulley systems to transport these massive stones 455 feet into the air during a time in which human innovation systems were still archaic - eyebrow raising, to say the least. 
The ancients built many powerful structures, utilizing their environmental elements and the energy naturally existing within their ancient earth. In considering the strategic placement and crafting of these structures, khemitologists, those who study the mysticism behind Ancient Egypt, have reason to believe that pyramids were bio-organic energy devices that used their complex architecture, frequencies of sound, and varying temperatures of water all simultaneously to generate an electromagnetic energy field. This unique atmosphere free from post-industrialization muck might explain the superior spirituality the ancient Egyptians had access to, with divine force being sufficient in defending the Ancient people’s capabilities despite their lack of tangible and intellectual resources.
It’s hard for us to fathom our ancient ancestors being more technologically and spiritually advanced than we are today, but their higher dimensional sensibilities are far beyond the comprehension of a third dimensional mind, one characterizing duality - without a linkage of body and spirit. How many senses do we actively use... five, right? Well, the Egyptians had expanded their minds so extensively that they were able to access and exercise an estimated 360 senses. I too often give our society the benefit of the doubt by theorizing that the unique energies that the Egyptians had immediate access to are scarce today, as human behavior has fostered third dimensional growth, of the body and within the bounds of Earth, substantially more so than fifth dimensional growth, of the spirit. Despite our environmental constraints, I still refuse to excuse the societal agenda in which seeking said higher levels of consciousness is neglected tremendously. 
Quantum physics have proven that our thoughts create our realities and that everything is simply energy vibrating at a certain depth of resonance. A dimension is a gathering of a particular resonance. Third dimensional, fourth dimensional, and fifth dimensional consciousness are not different realities, rather different metaphoric lenses in which we experience reality. Someone in the fifth dimension cannot possibly convince someone in the third dimension to see things their way until the third dimensional person goes through a literal energetic transformation and further generates their own higher frequencies, a gift that I believe comes from our creator, God. 
How do you know what dimension you’re in?
Well, I’ll give you a brief rundown:
Third dimensional reality is characterized by a dark, physical reality revolving around materialistic and superficial thoughts that are controlled by the ego, an intangible force that is manifested within the mind. This is the dominant mode in which our society operates, with their ego’s facilitating and usually dictating their thoughts and actions unconsciously. If one is in the third dimension, they might seek fulfillment from tangible things outside of their corporeal bodies; things such as money, material possessions, relationships, physical attributes, status, etc. One in the third dimension probably resonates with the typical economists’ ideology that resources are scarce, and it likely feels natural to lie, cheat, and compete with others in order to make it because ‘everybody does it’. In the third dimension, your actions are driven by the instincts of your physical reality. Your concept of reality may imply the following: 
        “I am only human.”                  
        “I need another person to make me happy.”
        “I need to own certain things.” 
Your subconscious experience of reality may cause you to think things like:
        “I have to be right.” 
        “It’s okay if I lie, if my reasoning is just.”
        “I am better than they are.”
        “I’m mad because... *insert external factor here*”
By learning to control the mental body, negative experiences can be diminished and enlightenment can eventually be achieved. It’s not easy to control your thoughts, trust me I know.. but negative thoughts are the source of one’s negative experiences. People who live in the third dimension suffer from the illusion of separation from their spirit. The physical senses cannot detect Spirit and until we are at one with our own spirit, we cannot be at one with others’ mind, body, or spirit. 
Fourth dimensional reality is considered the astral plane, where the forces of Light and Darkness meet and where space and time are considered. The link between the third dimensional physical body and the fourth dimension is the emotional body. The emotional body studies the astral plane and the mental body does it’s best to interpret the information it receives (people often experience this reality while under the influence of psychedelic drugs... though I’m not encouraging the use of illegal substances). Those who struggle ascending from fourth dimensional vibrations often steal energy from a third dimensional body in order to get Source energy. Without realizing it, your time in this dimension might be spent working out your “karma”, trying to psychically manipulate others, preaching the right way to serve and be worthy in the eyes of God, etc. 
The attention shifts from the material world to a pursuit of knowledge and understanding. The ego is still present in this plane and it now has resources such as the physical, astral and mind bodies to achieve its worldly purposes. As you start to recognize the absurdity in third dimensional reality, you may describe yourself as “awake” while judging those you feel are still asleep. As the veil is lifted and you start to let go of the rigid concepts you have been conditioned to believe as real, you may become resentful toward the government and other powerful leaders. You might try to bring others with you on this spiritual journey, or notice that many more are being left behind as you can no longer resonate with their lower frequencies of negativity and ignorance. Your ego structure may now be spiritually themed; however, you realize the only way of reaching the next level of consciousness is by eradicating the ego altogether. 
Fifth dimensional reality is characterized by living through love and experiencing complete peace as you shed the third dimensional fears and anxieties. When you consciously pursue ascension, consciousness begins to awaken and you will eventually detach from your ego as you become connected with God, the universe, and the source energy that has always been within us. Rather than blindly following religious rules, you begin to have faith in the divinity of your journey and you focus on healing yourself rather than changing the world. In this reality, you feel no need to deceive others because you recognize soul growth is a unique process for everyone and have detached from the fearful ego that provokes judgement. Those who have ascended note feeling lighter, more loving, more hopeful and more in the “now”. 
Biblical scholars often refer to this period as the “end time” since many of our faith’s seem to be preparing us for the end of something, but really it is just a transitional time prior to experiencing a major evolutionary leap forward where we have a much more enlightened and connected human race. Ancient Mayan prophecy says that after 2012, a “cosmic sky portal” would open and a time for awakening would occur - an event that happens approximately every 26,000 years. Ancient Egyptians were not obsessed with death, as many of us might believe, but the incarnations of dimensional realities and the “afterlife” transition to the stars. This ascension process strives to find oneness with the god-consciousness we were created with; Human consciousness can be described as god-consciousness + thoughts. Gaining control over one’s thoughts and deciphering between the voices within them allows us to become the masters of our existence. 
I can’t help but to think back to the dimensional, mental, and spiritual state I was in a year ago and how dark my very existence was.  I battled a constant feeling of anxiety about what had happened in the past, what might happen in the future, what people thought of me, and how I could simply make it in the third dimensional world. I distrusted almost everything and everyone but rightfully so, when so much of what we are taught is based on a self-serving, third dimensional agenda. I can also now understand why so many people stray away from religion; intellectuals won’t buy it if there’s fallacies in the teachings. I have learned that many people find comfort in believing what they have been told or in shunning the idea altogether. Rather than submitting to learned helplessness, we must seek the answers and strive to better ourselves.
If I told you it was possible to live a happy, loving, and peaceful life, would you believe me? What can you do right now to make that dream a reality? Start today by ignoring or arguing every negative thought that pops into your head. Ignoring them doesn’t work for me so I literally argue with myself, I explain to myself why whatever negative thing that happened is actually a good thing and ask myself what the lesson was. There is no difference between good and bad, there are simply lessons and teachers. If you would like to further your understanding of the three dimensions aforementioned, start here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=clG7ikTkVYE. I encourage you to stay discerning and continue your own research. God will show you the way if you ask Him. 
Special thanks to editor and best friend, Spencer Gareiss. 
Also thanks to Netflix plug, which enabled the viewing of The Pyramid Code, to Christian Horton. 
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briangroth27 · 6 years
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Spider-man Films Wish List
Since Sony partnered with Marvel Studios to share Spider-man, they have a unique opportunity to have their cake and eat it too. Spider-man has a whole multiverse of alternate Spider-men and villains they could flesh out to explore all corners of Spider-man’s web, while Peter Parker continues to make full use of the benefits of existing in the MCU. Spider-man is tied with the X-men as my favorite superhero, so there’s a lot I’d love to see in these movies!
Full spoilers (for movies, comics, cartoons, etc.)…
Peter Parker I loved Homecoming, but I do think Uncle Ben should’ve been mentioned (though I never need to see him die again). Not only would invoking his death have given weight to May’s concern for Peter and Peter’s drive to be a superhero, but if Ben were a fan of Captain America and viewed being an Avenger as an honorable thing, Peter’s obsession with joining them would’ve been about more than just trying to grow up too fast. It’d be about living up to what he thought Ben believed a hero was. A glimpse or mention of how selfish Peter was before Ben died would be nice too; they could connect his personal growth to his gravitation toward Stark (in addition to their shared scientific interest), seeing a similar moral evolution in Iron Man.
As fun as suit AI Karen was, I wish Peter had given Tony both suits back to make a true break from Stark’s toys and guidance so he could start finding his path as his own man. Maybe we’ll get a more self-reliant Peter after Infinity War. We know another MCU hero is guest-starring in Homecoming 2, but I hope it’s not another mentor figure. A major draw of classic Spider-man is his self-sufficient nature—he was a kid who wasn’t a sidekick—so I’d love to see that onscreen; we did get that in the earlier Spider-man movies, but now that he’s in the MCU they could play up that distinction in relation to the rest of the Avengers. A kid who’s just as competent as the adult heroes would make for an inspiring hero. I want Peter to be the one developing web attacks and genius solutions to problems rather than having them handed to him. Spider-like tactics like Andrew Garfield’s Spidey feeling for vibrations on his webs in the sewers in Amazing Spider-man would be great too! They should definitely look into stylizing Peter’s crime-fighting techniques and attack style so he stands out from the Avengers crowd. As much as I want Peter to forge his own way with his suits, I hope he keeps the emotive lenses he invented; they’re a great rendition of the comics' tactic of giving him expressions while masked and, with some refinement, they'd serve that purpose on film too instead of having him lose his mask in every climactic battle.
I was very pleased we finally got Peter inventing both his web-shooters and his web fluid in Homecoming and I hope that expands to practical uses of science as he takes on other supervillains. Too often Rami's movies portrayed him as a nerd just to emphasize his outsider status, but he should be using his brains to beat the bad guys just as much as he uses his fists. The animated Spectacular Spider-man had a very good balance of Peter as an outcast nerd and Spidey using science to stop evil that the MCU films would be smart to imitate. I’ve heard we’re getting Spider-Sense in Infinity War, so I’m excited to see that employed on a regular basis and to explore how it alters his perception of the world around him. Digging into how Peter’s powers affect his life and shape his outlook (beyond his responsibility to be Spider-man) would be fascinating!
Perhaps most importantly, I hope the MCU Spidey films continue to focus just as much on Peter's personal life as on his superheroics. Homecoming nearly perfectly used Peter's heroics and villain problems as metaphors for everyday life. No other MCU hero except Ant-Man has had much focus given to a down-to-Earth, relatable daily life outside their super suits (even Tony Stark seems to live in a fairly isolated world with occasional lavish public appearances), so Homecoming was a breath of fresh air in that regard. It’s also perfect for Spider-man: while being Spidey lets Peter's confidence shine in ways it can't as Parker, it also wreaks havoc on his social life. That push and pull is classic (and brilliant) and I want to see it develop as this series continues, though I hope they don't go overboard like Spider-man 2 did by making Peter's responsibility as Spidey a huge, depressing weight that crushes the fun out of everything. They should always remember that being Spidey may cause problems, but being him is fun for Peter too. While on the topic, his rapid-fire quips and jokes are necessities! I also don't think they should be afraid to make Peter a bad boyfriend for anyone who doesn't know he has responsibilities as Spidey…or even just because he has no experience in that area. It’d be realistic for Peter to have to learn how to be an equal, supportive partner in any relationship he gets in and they could set a good example for everyday relationships if he learned to fix mistakes that didn’t come from his heroic calling interrupting his dates. My biggest issue with Homecoming’s take on Peter’s social life was that Liz was essentially an idealized potential girlfriend from what we saw of Peter’s interest in her. While it’s good they didn’t play her as his “true love” because of this, they could’ve gone the extra step and made him face the reality of who she was instead of who he’d pictured from afar (though I assume they know each other at least somewhat from the debate team). They also could’ve had her shoot him down when he asked her to the dance (after ditching and disappointing her the whole movie, why wouldn’t she?)...and had him come away OK with not getting the girl both because she may’ve not been interested and because he screwed up. To the writers’ credit, they don’t end up together in the end and it seems they’re both OK with the relationship not happening. Peter getting the date didn’t ruin the film at all for me, but they could play with something like this in a future relationship.
As far as Peter's arc goes, I don't want to see Peter in high school forever. I think Tom Holland will age faster than anyone's really expecting given how long it will be between movie releases, and that's fine with me. I hope we get to see Peter finally grow up and find balance in his life. He can move forward as a young adult without having everything together, which would be just as relatable as being a kid with problems (and they can have Miles Morales take over the kid role, bringing a whole other level of social relevance to the story). In addition to the classic photographer gig at the Daily Bugle, I hope we get to see Peter at least intern (if not become a full-fledged employee) at Horizon Labs to work on cutting edge science. If the movies go long enough, Parker Industries wouldn't be out of the question for me. Maybe it shouldn’t be as global as it is in the comics, but it would certainly work as the low-budget, people-focused Stark Industries it started out as. Fun elements like the Spider-mobile could be introduced too, either through Horizon (when Peter claims to be designing tech for Spider-man), or as the licensing opportunity it was in the original comics!
Miles Morales/Ultimate Spider-man While Miles is getting a theatrically-released animated movie, he’s a hero I’d love to see in the MCU as well. Originally, instead of having Miles take up the mantle after Peter dies, I thought they should cast them as contemporaries and play it as a buddy cop comedy. It’d also work if they played Miles as a more withdrawn, insecure Spider-man once Tom Holland’s Peter has grown up a bit and started working for (or at least interning at) Horizon Labs. They could roll Peter’s successes into Miles’ arc as he tries to find his place and live up to the "amazing” Spider-man. I absolutely don’t want them to kill Peter like in the Ultimate Comics. Morales being Peter’s mentee like Peter was Tony’s isn’t a bad idea—they could team up for the first time in Homecoming 3—and I think it’d be awesome if Miles got a show on Netflix or Freeform while Peter is in the movies. 
Not only can Miles fill the “everyteen Spider-man” role as Peter grows up, but his half-African American/half-Puerto Rican heritage would make his outlook and experience totally different. He was initially nauseated at the idea of superheroics in the comics, but later felt he had a responsibility to use his powers and learned to enjoy them; that’s a very clear and cool foil to Peter’s instant excitement over his superhero status, and a Miles who doesn’t want to be an Avenger would be an entirely different storyline, particularly with the Sokovia Accords in play. Miles could also start with no one knowing his identity, since we’ve mostly skipped those classic moments with Peter. While Miles shares Peter’s wall-crawling, spider-sense, agility, and super-strength, he also has a venom blast that can be deployed by touch and the ability to become invisible through a camouflage power, which would help set him further apart from Peter’s Spider-man.
Miles has an entire supporting cast unto himself that could be mined for drama. His father Jefferson was a one-time agent of SHIELD, and maybe they could say he worked with the Parkers and/or against Chameleon. His mother Rio was in favor of Spider-man and vigilantes, contrasting with Jefferson and possibly Aunt May. I don’t know why they grafted Ganke Lee’s personality onto Ned Leeds for Homecoming, so I’m interested to see what Miles’ best friend will be like if he appears onscreen. Katie Bishop was Miles’ girlfriend at one point—until her parents were revealed as Hydra operatives (she was a sympathizer)—which could be a relevant story nowadays. Lana Baumgartner was trained by her criminal mother Lori so the two of them could team up as the Bombshells, villains with explosive powers, but Lana reformed; her villainous parent could be a solid parallel to Miles and Aaron Davis. If Fox was willing to share him, Fabio Medina could be a friend of Miles’ who’s also a popular and public superhero (they’d have to make him an Inhuman instead of a mutant here), contrasting with Morales’ secret identity. If Miles got a Freeform series, he could team up with Cloak & Dagger. On Netflix, he could look up to Luke Cage. They could keep the budget to TV standards by having Miles bounce around fights on a mostly ground level instead of swinging between skyscrapers (except for travel and special fights!); they could invent an entirely Miles-specific style of attack for him. Staying close to the ground would not only avoid the probable budget issues of web-slinging, but they could use it to play up his initial wariness about even being a superhero even after he’s put on the suit.
Venom Tom Hardy is playing Eddie Brock in the Sony corner of the MCU—it’s still a bit unclear whether Tom Holland will get to appear in these films or if they exist in their own Spider-verse—and I’m thinking this is going to lead to Brock becoming the Lethal Protector of the 90s and potentially the central anti-hero of the Sony Spider-films. I like Eddie and I’m eager to see him onscreen in his own movie (this short was a cool, unconnected and unofficial look at what a Venom movie could be), but I hope they don’t leave out his history with Spider-man and just have the symbiote go directly to Brock, even if Tom Holland can’t appear. They could mention his past with “the Bug” in passing or detail it in a prologue, but Spider-man should be a fixture of Venom’s origin.
Brock dealing with his sense of right and wrong in addition to his lack of responsibility when it came to Spider-man uncovering the truth about a story Brock had reported—he blamed Spidey for “getting him fired” instead of accepting that he should’ve dug deeper for the truth—mixed with the mind-altering alien symbiote will make for a fascinating redemption arc. I hope they start out with Venom as a full-on villain—possibly hiding from Spider-man—and have Brock rediscover his humanity as he begins to protect innocents. The line between villain, hero, and “Lethal Protector” anti-hero would be interesting to explore. What makes a person fall into those categories, can they change, and how? Brock’s Catholicism could also bring an interesting angle into any redemption arc they give him, if they choose to go that route; that religious outlook on “what makes a hero?” (or even just a good person; to him, does it “count” if we forgive ourselves and each other?) could also make Venom an unexpected foil for Daredevil. They can explore whether the symbiote is an excuse for his misdeeds or a drug habit he needs to kick. The symbiote could also be treated as a physical manifestation of Eddie’s darkest, most selfish impulses since that’s what it heightened when it was bonded to Peter. Can Eddie control it—control himself—to be a better man or is he destined to be a monster he can only point at worse evil? Carnage makes sense as Venom’s enemy in his first movie—he’s the symbiote’s even more psychopathic offspring bonded to a serial killer—and I’m excited to see them clash.
I don’t know much about Venom’s time as a solo vigilante except that he was everywhere when I was reading comics in the 90s, so I’m up for anything in that regard. Whatever they do, I’ve long wanted a subplot where Peter sees Venom dealing with a crisis on the news, so he Planes, Trains, and Automobiles his way across the country (with a heaping dose of Parker Luck giving him trouble at every turn) to get wherever Venom is to help stop Carnage (or, misreading the situation, to stop both of them), only to arrive after Venom has already saved the day. It’d just be a fun comedic subplot, so I hope that they can work that out (Peter never even has to suit up). I wouldn’t expect it from a horror-themed movie like Venom is supposed to be (which does sound like a great angle to take with Venom!), but it could be just the dose of comedy needed to break the tension every now and again.
Black Cat It’s a shame that being in Sony’s Spider-verse likely means we won’t get to see Black Cat interact with Tom Holland’s Peter. I’ve always been a fan of how Felicia Hardy prefers Spider-man to Peter and that their relationship is played mostly as a fun, flirty friends with benefits situation between two adults who respect each other; that would’ve been perfect for Amazing Spider-man 3 if Peter didn’t want another serious relationship—or even to focus on being Peter Parker—after Gwen’s death (and Felicity Jones would’ve been great as Black Cat!). If Venom doesn’t become the cornerstone of the Sony-verse, I’d like it to be Black Cat (or they could share). Not only is she more moral than he is, but we don’t have any cinematic superhero universes built around women.
It’d be cool for the movie to start out with Felicia as an excellent thief, following in her father’s footsteps (perhaps with some flashbacks to being trained by her father), and to have one of her heists be the tablet from the comics that gave her bad luck powers. She’s able to alter the fortune of anyone around her, which could make for some cool sequences as changes to fate create Rube Goldberg-like disasters for rival thieves and anyone trying to stop her (this also sets her apart from Catwoman a bit more). To keep from making it too easy for her, part of her arc could be learning to control these powers and prevent them from tripping her up as well. Perhaps they could connect learning thievery to learning to control chance; that's what skill is, isn't it? Narrowing chance to the smallest allowable factor while you rely on yourself. If they did that, we could watch Felicia flashback to her father training her as she applies his lessons to mastering her newfound gift. I love Black Cat’s latest costume; it’s sleek and sexy without being exploitative, so I hope they use it in the movie rather than her classic one. I’d love it if her movie(s) eventually found her controlling the underworld like in the current era of Spider-man comics; showing her rise to power and struggle to hold it would be a cool twist on a character that might seem like she’s headed for redemption.
It sounds like Silver & Black, featuring Cat and Silver Sable—a mercenary in the comics—will also include Chameleon, Tombstone, and Tarantula as antagonists. Knowing nothing about the film, I’m envisioning a series of heists by Felicia and Sable and counterattacks from the mobsters they’ve stolen from. I’d love a Kingpin-esque, extremely imposing and coolly calculating Tombstone like in Spectacular Spider-man to be the main villain in this, and that show is where I’d draw inspiration for the other characters too. Silver Sable could be the daughter of Silvermane, another mob boss; perhaps she’s initially against Black Cat. Felicia herself could be the daughter of the burglar who killed Uncle Ben, which was a brilliant twist in SSM, but I suppose wouldn’t matter much in a universe where she may not be able to interact with Peter (though it would be a hell of a setup for a potential crossover!). I’d guess Tarantula is an enforcer for Tombstone and Chameleon could be either a rival thief or a hitman working for Tombstone as well. They could also use Hammerhead if they wanted to throw Cat and Sable into the middle of a massive gang war.
Spider-Gwen Spider-Gwen is relatively new to comics; she’s the Gwen Stacy of Earth-65, where she was bitten by the radioactive spider instead of Peter Parker. She initially used her powers as Spider-Woman for popularity until her father—police Captain George Stacy—commented that the vigilante could be using her powers for good instead. Gwen changed her ways and became an idol to her schoolmate and friend Peter Parker, who turned himself into the Lizard in an effort to be like his hero. Realizing her mask didn’t free her of responsibility like she thought, this was her Great Power/Great Responsibility moment and Spider-Woman was blamed for Peter’s death, so Gwen set out to clear her name and earn the city’s trust...as she’s being hunted by her father and his cops. She’s wisecracking like Peter, furthering the common themes among the Spiders, while George’s complicated relationship with his police force—especially after he learns Gwen’s secret and decides to protect her—would give her an entirely different family dynamic. This Gwen is also the drummer in a band—the Mary Janes, along with MJ, Betty Brant, and Glory Grant—rather than being a science student, giving her a whole other world to inhabit and obligations to fulfill in her social life as they try to make it big (one of their songs, “Face it Tiger,” performed by Married With Sea Monsters, is even available to buy!). She has the classic spider-abilities, detective skills thanks to watching her dad, and she learned kung fu moves from movies, making her crime-fighting distinct from Peter’s style. Gwen has webshooters (created by retired superheroine Janet Van Dyne) that create webs out of the moisture in the air rather than cartridges, giving her a different set of potential problems with her webs than Peter and Miles would have. Gwen’s neon-noir world and punk rock sensibility would be an entirely different flavor from every other superhero movie, which would definitely be a breath of fresh air.
Since Gwen lives in an alternate MCU, they could get several actors they’ve already cast to flesh out the twisted versions of her supporting cast and enemies. For instance, Frank Castle is one of the cops trying to bring down Spider-Woman for Peter’s death and Matt Murdock is the right-hand man of the Kingpin. Peggy Carter is the leader of SHIELD on Earth-65, and if you follow my blogs, you know I’m down for any and every Peggy reappearance I can get. They can also play up the differences in villains; Gwen’s villains are distinct enough from their mainstream counterparts that they could use both at once without feeling repetitive in most cases. The heroes are different too; Gwen’s world’s Captain America is Samantha Wilson, which would be cool.
At first I thought it’d be neat if Sony’s Spider-verse were secretly Spider-Gwen’s world, but I think I prefer the option of easier connections between Venom, Black Cat, and Tom Holland’s Spider-man if Sony wants to play ball without the need for dimension hopping right off the bat. Instead, I’m thinking that billing a Spider-Gwen movie as an alternate universe to the Amazing Spider-man films would be kinda brilliant. They’d already have Emma Stone as Gwen Stacy, which would be outstanding (Dennis Leary could return as George as well), and Peter helping Curt Connors become the Lizard in Amazing Spider-man parallels his death in Spider-Gwen’s world perfectly. Branching off of ASM would immediately create a Spider-verse unto itself—one that springs from movies audiences are already familiar with, no less—which could also incorporate Tom Holland’s Spider-man and any others they wanted to bring back in a massive crossover down the road! Spider-Gwen could also be done as an animated feature like Miles is getting next year, but any way we get cinematic Spider-Gwen adventures, I’m down!
Supporting Characters Aunt May We need to see May and Peter talk about him being Spider-man. Peter was an adult in the Rami films and those only hinted at Aunt May knowing the truth while Sally Field’s version never found out, so this would be an entirely new scene in addition to being very important for both characters. I loved how Homecoming left them, but I'm afraid we’ll lose that talk since Peter's next appearance is in Infinity War. Hopefully we'll get that conversation in the opening scenes of that Avengers film to establish where Peter is at that point in his life. If not, jumping back to that conversation at the start of Homecoming 2, like Homecoming did the events of Civil War, would work too. I’d definitely like her to invoke how dangerous New York City is with a reference to Ben. It’d also be cool to see her life outside of Peter (and without every guy she meets hitting on her); what is she doing with herself these days?
Ned Leeds Peter’s best friend and “man in the chair” worked really well in Homecoming and I wonder if he’ll follow his comic path to the Daily Bugle with Peter (which also includes getting married to Betty Brant). Maybe he’ll even wind up a patsy of Hobgoblin, which could leave him burned out on superheroics as things get far too real for him. That’d produce an interesting wrinkle to his friendship with Peter, especially if they came to blows while he was mind-controlled by Hobgoblin. What if it wasn’t cool for him anymore, taking away that support from Peter for a bit? I don’t want his death included in the cinematic version, though. 
Michelle Michelle’s “my friends call me MJ” does not mean she’s Mary Jane, though I wouldn’t have minded if she was. She was such a cool, funny character that I’m excited to see where she goes no matter who she is. I’d love them to continue Michelle’s social awareness; that was an unexpected way of showing that Peter’s not the only kid who thinks beyond high school. If she were to discover Peter’s secret, that’s a point they could bond over. She could also deal with classism, sexism, and racism in ways that Peter won’t be able to experience; all of which are natural outgrowths from her fearlessly calling out social injustices. Those are villains he can’t fight for her, so seeing her take them on to save herself would be great! Whatever they do with Michelle, I want to see more! I’d love it if they brought her into the comics as an adult in Amazing Spider-man or as a contemporary of the leads in Miles Morales’ Spider-man series and/or Spider-Gwen.
Flash Thompson I loved that Homecoming made Flash a smart kid; not only did it allow him to challenge Peter intellectually, but it broke the mold of jocks vs. nerds by proving that bullies can be anywhere and nerds aren’t by default good guys. I’d like them to increase his bullying beyond calling Peter names by including some 21st century tactics, even as he becomes a fan of Spider-man (which could make for some good commentary on real-life comic and sci-fi fans who seem to completely miss the values espoused by the stories they love). I wouldn’t mind eventually exploring Flash becoming the government’s Agent Venom, but that’s far in the future from where he is now. Superspy Agent Venom was a very cool development for Flash; not only did it restore his legs (previously amputated due to his military service), but he had to closely monitor how long he wore it and how angry he got, or it would take over his mind. Even though Sony’s Venom movie is semi-separate from the Peter Parker films, they could easily say that the Agent Venom suit was cultivated from a “sample recovered from a larger specimen,” obliquely referring to Tom Hardy’s Venom without having to say it outright.
Gwen Stacy I don’t need her to die ever again, so I’d like for them to introduce her into the MCU and twist that fate. The one-two-three punch of Lacey Chabert’s Gwen on Spectacular Spider-man, Emma Stone’s portrayal in the Amazing Spider-man films, and the Spider-Gwen comic series made Gwen my favorite of Spidey’s love interests (and one of his best supporting characters in general) and I’d like to see her appear here as well. It was weird they made Betty look just like Gwen in Homecoming—I think maybe she was supposed to be Gwen and it was changed at the last second—but even if she doesn’t look exactly like the iconic Gwen, I’d like Peter to meet his scientific match. Beyond being a cool character in and of herself, Gwen’s science skills allow her to actively contribute to the plot arguably more than any of Peter’s other love interests or friends can. That’s not to say everyone has to contribute directly—Michelle was certainly a great, memorable character who didn’t necessarily add to the plot, but still mattered—but Gwen’s skills allow her to, so she should. 
Much like in the ASM films, Gwen is someone on Peter’s intellectual level who he can bounce scientific ideas off of. If she isn’t in the know, we could get some fun and ridiculous excuses as to why Peter would be spit-balling ideas about scientifically curing vampirism or turning sand into glass. In their leisure time (whether she knows he’s Spidey or not), we could see them hanging out as friends, geeking out about whatever the newest scientific discovery is (or whatever their other shared interests are) and dreaming of making their own breakthroughs one day. Simultaneously, her father puts Peter in danger in a very different way than Liz Allan and Harry Osborn’s parents do since he has the law on his side, complicating things if her father catches Spider-man. If she’s on her dad’s side about Spider-man being a criminal vigilante—at best putting himself and the people around him in danger by escalating situations—having her voice that opinion instead of yet another authority figure could provoke real reflection in Peter. An opinion like that would also bring variety to the students’ outlook on Spidey in the MCU. Making Gwen a potentially frustrating scientific rival for Peter is another way to subvert expectations upon reintroducing her. Maybe she’s another intern at Horizon Labs, who is trying to scientifically enhance cops and people in general (via technology or biology) to protect them from superhero battles; cops with high-tech enhancements could inadvertently make things much harder for Spider-man. Perhaps she’s out to nullify all the villains’ powers to help protect her dad (or in his memory), and that includes curing Spider-man (at first). Completely independent of whether she’s a help or initial hindrance to Peter, Gwen could also face sexism in the STEM fields, giving her a set of obstacles to overcome to achieve her dreams entirely different from Peter’s (and hopefully, making him reflect that his white male privilege gives him advantages she doesn’t have). If they introduced Spider-Gwen’s universe as an alternate world to the MCU instead of ASM, whoever they cast as Gwen would have a great opportunity to play two distinct versions of the same character! 
Mary Jane Watson Growing up, MJ was my preferred love interest for Peter: she was pure fun and her party girl persona being a “secret identity” of sorts to cover up her troubled family life made for a nice parallel to Peter’s confidence shining through as Spider-man. That setup also made her someone who understood what it was like to have a secret identity. However, beyond making her an aspiring reporter like in Ultimate Spider-man (a role movie Betty is already inhabiting), I wasn’t sure what the classic supermodel MJ adds to the plot beyond a grounding influence and acting as a love interest for Peter. Perhaps they could play her like Betty in The Rocketeer to Peter’s Cliff Seacord: maybe the MCU MJ is a famous teen star (or a teen with a very strong social media presence) and her acting world is way outside Peter’s comfort zone. Modernizing a young MJ into an already-semi-successful actress or social media darling would also give her a more heightened world than most high schoolers live in, meeting Peter’s life as Spider-man on relatively equal terms. They could also contrast her fame and fans with his growing infamy, and the two could commiserate about bad press if the tabloids slammed her for any number of rumors. Perhaps she could use her social media platform to help out Spider-man’s image (or initially, she could think he’s the menace everyone else does, adding to his problems). If she were to aid him with her legion of followers, they could set up a youth vs. adults theme connecting to how the different generations view the media and fake news.
MJ could also be someone that helps Peter let loose as Peter rather than being worried about responsibility 24/7. The Rami movies got some good, understated mileage out of contrasting MJ’s fame with Spider-man’s infamy, and as detailed here, made a solid commentary on classism, abuse, and sexism with MJ and Gwen. A new MJ—particularly one who’s in a tabloid spotlight thanks to being an actress, an internet sensation, or both—could also take on sexism and misogyny in ways Peter simply can’t. Guys at school could expect sex from MJ for being a "party girl" and because of some modelling/acting campaign she’d done (or even just tabloid rumors), while she just wants to have fun and get out of her bad home life. Even if she is having sex, we could see her confronting guys who expect she'll sleep with anyone just because she slept with someone. If her star status includes that image, she’d definitely have her detractors as a “bad influence,” just like Spider-man is a “menace.” The Bugle could even be the one running a “what happened to wholesome teen stars?” piece, giving her and Peter a common adversary. Like Gwen, whatever they do with her, she certainly shouldn’t appear just to be Peter’s girlfriend and/or to be in danger. If they do reintroduce MJ, I definitely hope they do the classic introduction, complete with Aunt May trying to set Peter up with her (to his dismay and disinterest) and the iconic “Face it Tiger, You just hit the jackpot!” reveal.
Liz Allan I wanted to know more about what Peter saw in her beyond her being a smart, pretty, unattainable senior in Homecoming. The car ride to the dance was a perfect opportunity to at least tell us what she wanted out of life; one the writers missed completely. It’d also be nice to know what she sees (or saw) in Peter, especially since he didn’t do much but disappoint her in Homecoming (I assume they interacted more in debate club than what we saw, though). If she returns, I hope they flesh her out more. I’d also like to know what her thoughts are about her father being a criminal; might she come to understand why he did what he did and follow in his footsteps? Would she blame Spider-man for destroying her family?
Captain America I definitely don’t want all of Peter’s movies to become Marvel Team-Ups (even though we know another hero is in Homecoming 2), so if we must have the Avengers stop by, I hope they each teach Peter something new without making him their unofficial sidekick. Captain America would be my first choice for the hero in Homecoming’s sequel; I’ve thought since Civil War that had he gotten the chance to talk to Spider-man, Peter would’ve seen that Steve’s side was really the one representing power and responsibility. Cap could teach Peter about tactics and the resolve to try and do what’s right even if you fail, but if Uncle Ben were a fan of Steve’s, then Peter interacting with his Uncle’s hero could be extremely touching. If Ben saw Cap as the quintessential hero, they could even say Peter based his color scheme on Cap’s to honor his Uncle Ben; to emulate the man he thinks his Uncle would’ve wanted him to be. Of course, Steve would remind him Ben is proud of Peter for who he is, then Peter could confess why Ben is dead, and it’d be a great, raw emotional moment between the two of them! Steve’s current fugitive status could be a neat parallel to Peter breaking from Tony and going his own way. And no hero in the MCU is better set up to contrast the iconic Captain America image with his hilarious educational videos than Peter, so the endless ribbing that could come from that would be a blast! A reality/public image disconnect—particularly with Steve being a “war criminal”—could also create a bond between them if Jonah starts smearing Spider-man’s name.
Cloak and Dagger They’ve got a series coming to Freeform, but it’d be cool to see these classic Spider-man allies team up with either Peter or Miles! These teen heroes could band together to form the Champions—their answer to the Defenders and Avengers—creating a youthful bond where the kids are just as likely to hang out and help each other cope with the realities of growing up as they are to take down criminals.
Iceman and Firestar If Marvel ever makes a deal with Fox like they did Sony, it’d be excellent to see Peter meet and become Amazing Friends with the X-men’s Iceman and Firestar! That show was one of my first exposures to superheroes and getting a live-action team-up would be awesome!
Cardiac Dr. Elias Wertham became a vigilante attacking corporations for their greedy practices after his brother died of a condition which had a cure, but the corporation that created it refused to sell it because it wouldn’t be profitable. Later, he ran an underground hospital for those who couldn’t afford care. His hatred of big business and the lack of sufficient health care would be extremely relevant right now, and his noble intentions would thematically continue Vulture’s argument while challenging Peter’s concept of what the right and wrong way to achieve justice is. They could tone down his attacks on corporations to the point where no one is harmed (maybe he only steals medical supplies or cures that aren’t on the market, making them available to all) and have the Bugle still call him out as a violent, murderous anarchist in the same way some see the Black Lives Matter movement. Spider-man could initially attack him—ironically believing the Bugle when police reports also say Cardiac is a criminal—only for Peter to discover he isn’t that at all. If it’s the opinion of some corrupt officers that sends Spidey against Cardiac, exploring how the authorities tolerate Spidey but open fire on Cardiac would be another socially relevant avenue to explore with him.
Molten Man Mark Raxton is Liz Allan’s stepsister, so there’s already an easy introduction for him if Liz’s mom divorces Toomes and remarries in her new home. He could be something of a tragic villain, since his heat powers and molten skin are as much a danger to the people he cares about as he is to his enemies. His entire villainous streak could be motivated by finding a cure for his condition, making him an uneasy ally of Spidey’s by the end. If Peter ever gets to the point where being Spider-man is too much for him and he wishes he didn’t have his powers, Mark could remind him not only could it be worse, but his real power is his sense of responsibility.
Clash Spider-man busted this sometime criminal (who uses focused soundwaves as weapons), but after hearing about the circumstances that led him to crime, Peter Parker gave him a job to help rehabilitate him. Spider-man permanently defeating a villain by listening to him and having faith that he could improve (as Peter himself did) would be an awesome, unique way to deal with a supervillain.
Villains Growing up with the 90s Spider-man Animated Series, I can see why fans my age might want Peter to face off with Vincent D’Onofrio’s Kingpin, but I hope he doesn’t. He seems too low-level for Spidey to deal with. I think he should stay a Daredevil villain; there are already many more enemies for Spidey to fight anyway!
Obviously not all these villains would make for lead villains in movies (one of many reasons I'd love to get a new live-action Spider-man TV series). However, an idea I saw online a long time back was to do cold opens for superhero films, like the Bond movies do. That'd be a great way to introduce a unique villain in a “short story” that related to the themes of the film (and established where Peter is in life) and give audiences a wider look at his rogues gallery without having to dedicate a while film to villains who may not be able to carry it.
Since we probably won’t get an endless stream of Peter Parker-focused movies, splitting these villains up with Miles Morales (and/or Spider-Gwen) down the road would be great too.
J. Jonah Jameson I'd be fine with JK Simmons coming back as Jonah; more dimension than he got in the Rami films would be nice, though. If Jonah ever became mayor in the movies, that’d be a great opportunity to either really make him see the contributions Spider-man makes to the city or to play up some relevant political parallels (and to make things even tougher on Spidey). The people annoyed with Spidey in Homecoming could provide a nice foundation for the readership that would believe his lies, so “fake news” and the people who refuse to believe anything but their chosen news source could definitely be a factor in these films. I'd definitely like the MCU’s public to be more skeptical of Spidey than in the earlier Spider-man films, driven to distrust him thanks to Jonah’s own fear of men in masks. It would also be great to see Jonah eventually develop into a (slightly) more caring and understanding person, like he did as a supporting character in the Silk series!
Vulture Michael Keaton made Adrian Toomes my absolute favorite MCU villain, so I can’t wait to see more of him! I loved that he had a legitimate point about how Stark and the government treated him and making him Liz’s dad was the perfect analogy to an awkward meeting with your girlfriend’s parents. I also liked that his version of power/responsibility is that he can provide for his family through crime, so he does. I’m intrigued to see whether he’s keeping Peter’s identity a secret because he respects him, wants to kill him himself, or a mix of both. Keaton barked some of his lines, so even though he seemed sane, it felt like there was something dangerous and violent within Toomes; let’s see it unleashed! As Peter gets more confident in his web-swinging, I’d love to see an epic aerial rematch between him and Toomes. I don’t think it’d be out of character for him to continue tinkering with his suit to add new weapons to it either, scavenging the parts from other MCU battles. Whatever we get from the next Vulture appearance, I hope Peter makes some Birdman, Batman, and Falcon jokes!
Mysterio As silly as he can be (and that’s the point; he should not be revamped to be “badass,” even if his illusions are intimidating and mind-blowing), Mysterio would be a fantastic villain for a visual medium like the movies. I know he’s being looked at for a solo Sony film (which I assume would be like a Now You See Me heist film with magic…though that would work better with Peter as the “cop”), but I really want him to fight Spider-man instead. Quentin Beck was a Hollywood special effects wizard who turned to a life of crime using those same effects (plus a costume stolen from a 50s/60s sci-fi movie) and if he became a criminal for fame, that could be a cool parallel to Spider-man’s early motives. Mysterio chasing fame could also give Jonah an avenue into blaming Peter for the same thing (and a criticism that wouldn’t necessarily be untrue, at least as regarding Peter’s earliest exploits). They could play Mysterio as the Peter Parker who never lost his Uncle Ben. Mysterio’s deadly special effects could pose a great challenge for Peter’s scientific mind while giving the filmmakers an amazing opportunity to go wild with their visuals; literally anything would be possible, and for once it wouldn’t really matter how CGI something looked. The Ultimate Spider-man comic had the right idea casting Bruce Campbell as Mysterio and I’d follow that instinct in a heartbeat.
Hobgoblin Willem Dafoe was excellent as Norman Osborn/Green Goblin (even if his suit left a little to be desired), but honestly I’m tired of businessman supervillains and Norman in general so I don’t need to see any iteration of the Green Goblin onscreen again, probably ever.
That said…there is one goblin businessman I’d like to see in the movies: Hobgoblin. Roderick Kingsley was a fashion mogul who regularly employed mind control to coerce other people into playing the role of Hobgoblin, obscuring his identity so well that he actually beat Spidey and retired to a tropical island at one point. Two of his forced decoys? Ned Leeds and Flash Thompson, which would be a cool way to continue involving Peter’s classmates and friends (and Spidey clearing Flash’s name would boost Flash’s Spidey fandom while still bullying Peter). The movie could also feature Jason Macendale and Phil Urich (other Hobgoblins from the comics) as red herrings. Hobgoblin’s a criminal mastermind the likes of which we’ve never seen in a Spider-man film and the multiple false leads about who he is could give us Peter Parker trying to solve a mystery for the first time in the movies as well. If Roderick does get away with it (and I wouldn’t mind if he did), his more recent trend of licensing out his Hobgoblin persona into a franchise for criminals to buy into (and share their profits) could be a fun new wrinkle for a supervillain in a film down the road. Tom Hanks once said he’d like to play a supervillain, and Hobgoblin could be a pretty great role for him.
Doctor Octopus One villain I’d love to see redone in the movies is Doc Ock. As good as Alfred Molina was, I never needed him to be sympathetic (and being controlled by his arms was a lame retread of Green Goblin), so I’d make the MCU Doc Ock the classic mad scientist from the comics. He’d be the polar opposite of Peter: Spidey’s true opposite number and arch-enemy; a selfish, self-centered scientific genius with no sense of responsibility whatsoever. I’d toy with upgrading his abilities a bit; maybe he invents a device that gives him some of the camouflage ability octopuses have and tinkering with Pym Particles allows him to dimension-shift to a degree, mimicking cephalopods’ ability to squeeze through tight spaces (and also making him extremely hard to hit). Utilizing the most insane, maddest science and numerous master plans, Octavius would be the greatest mental challenge for Peter (without being a slouch in the physical department) and I’d love to see that showdown! I’d cast Jeffery Combs as Otto in a second.
Scorpion Mac Gargan’s already set up with a grudge against Spidey, so I’m eager for that to play out. I’d like them to mention that he was a failed private detective before he became a criminal, so perhaps he could work out Peter’s secret identity and threaten his life on a larger scale than just as a costumed supervillain. I’d also upgrade his suit to not only include the scorpion tail, but retractable wrist gauntlets that mimic scorpion pincers.
Prowler I liked Donald Glover’s version of Aaron Davis in Homecoming, even if he wasn’t as nefarious as in the Ultimate Spider-man comics. That Prowler was my favorite revamped Ultimate villain and I’d love to see Homecoming’s Davis develop into the twisted Uncle Ben figure that his comics counterpart is. He could train Miles to be a thief by claiming to only steal from bad guys, before Miles finally takes a stand against him. I definitely wouldn’t kill him like in the comics, though, and his status as Miles’ uncle would make for a great real-life parallel to family members who don’t always want the best for you.
Kraven the Hunter and Calypso Using potions to enhance his senses and physical prowess, Kraven being hired to hunt down Spider-man (or just doing it for sport) seems like a no-brainer for a minor villain in a movie. His lover Calypso could come along to introduce a mystical threat that Peter would have a hard time believing, much less defeating; it would be cool if she were the real threat between the two of them. There was a rumor Sony is looking at Kraven for a solo film, and while I guess I can see him being hired to hunt down other supervillains, I’m not sure he’s leading man material (though perhaps there’s some potential with his code of honor). I’d rather see him and Calypso fight Spider-man, and eventually getting to “Kraven’s Last Hunt,"—where defeating Spider-man isn’t enough; he has to prove he’s better by going out dressed as Spidey and fighting crime—would be a fantastic arc! I wouldn’t be opposed to him taking on animal traits thanks to Calypso’s magic, similar to his lion appearance in Spectacular Spider-man (though maybe here, the animal traits/abilities would only be temporary transformations). Regardless, his enhanced physical prowess and super-senses would be a tough challenge for Spidey to out-maneuver. Coming up with ways to dull and/or block Kraven’s senses would be a fun recurring problem for Peter. I think Oded Fehr could make an interesting Kraven. 
The Jackal Ms. Warren appeared in Homecoming and, assuming she’s the MCU version of Miles Warren, I think it’d be fun if those kids who “went missing” on field trips were replaced with clones by Ms. Warren to cover up their disappearances. It’d be funny if the professors made offhand comments about certain kids being replaced, weirding Peter out as he overheard them, until he discovered the horrifying truth. This would admittedly work better as a running gag/subplot on a Spider-man TV show, but I’d like to see it employed somewhere. Maybe it could evolve from a running gag into a Carrion virus outbreak in the school, giving Peter a mini-zombie outbreak only his science skills can cure (and preventing him from changing into Spider-man in front of his friends, causing secret identity problems). It'd be perfect as a Halloween-themed "Bond opening" for one of the movies even if it wasn't the main plot. The suave red-suited Jackal from “The Clone Conspiracy” is how I’d like any onscreen Jackal to appear (even if that wasn’t really Miles Warren).
Sinister Six I’d absolutely love it if the MCU finally pulled off a Sinister Six appearance! I wouldn’t want them teaming up with Spider-man against a bigger enemy; they should be the evil Avengers and he should be the only one who can take them on. I don’t want any Avenger assistance here either; let Peter prove he’s capable of taking all of them on and winning despite impossible odds! I’d also love it if Doc Ock’s team actually worked well together instead of inevitably turning on each other, forcing Peter into the hardest fight (and fights, including the opening salvos where different Six members pair off in various configurations) of his life with no turncoats among the villains and no help from the other heroes.
Shocker I'd like him to continue to be high-tech muscle for any villain who'll pay. He doesn't need to be a criminal mastermind, but maybe he's scheming to be a bigger player on the super-weapon black market instead of just a henchman. Maybe he has ambitions to become an arms dealer. He could be a cool recurring source for Peter (if Spidey's after one of his rivals) as well as a thorn in Spidey’s side.
Tinkerer Phineas Mason just likes building gadgets, and that’s OK! He doesn’t have to be evil, just fascinated by the possibilities of science, which gets him into trouble as he pushes boundaries. I wouldn’t want him to provide every villain with their tech, though; many of Peter’s villains are scientists in their own right and there’s no reason they can’t be self-sufficient without needing to lean on Tinkerer for everything. I’d like Mason to continue outfitting the lower-level criminals (and maybe building weapons for Shocker to sell), though.
Chameleon Perhaps Peter's parents were SHIELD agents in the MCU, which would provide a great excuse to bring in this master of disguise. Maybe Chameleon was behind the Parkers' deaths. Maybe he makes it appear that Richard Parker has survived, because he needs something from Peter. Maybe he dresses like a fake Spider-man to ruin the reputation of the son of the agents who wronged him. A master spy who can be anywhere and anyone could be the perfect opponent to force Peter to hone his Spider-sense to its fullest potential!
Lizard I'd love for Curt Connors' reptile-obsessed scientist to turn up again sometime! He can be both a mentor to Peter and a dark foil when it comes to loss, power, and responsibility as well as the use of science. They could explore his feeling of being incomplete and inadequate because of his lost arm and compare him to Peter before he got his powers: Curt's wounded pride leads to the destruction of his family just like Peter’s ruined his. Curt, however, stays on his destructive path, thinking it’s better than humanity...and better for humanity. Like Molten Man, Curt’s transformation—especially the loss of his mind—could remind Peter how lucky he is with his own mutation…or it could frighten him into thinking the spider bite could eventually turn him into the Man-Spider (and maybe the Lizard tries affecting others’ evolution, inadvertently turning Peter into the spider beast; Peter working on a cure for Connors could also accidentally result in him mutating himself). I’d also love it if they introduced Curt’s wife and son, either giving him a reason to fight for his humanity, or—as mutated lizards—helping him to spread his dream of a reptile paradise. Whatever they bring him back to do, I only ask Lizard wear his lab coat while transformed! It's a cool, iconic visual as well as a subliminal message that the lizard monster is still human inside. Curt does want to improve humanity, even as the Lizard, but at what cost? Exploring the line between man and animal could lead Peter to question just how human he is anymore, especially if he’s been acting more and more spider-like in his crime-fighting. Peter can’t go all-out against Lizard without hurting his friend, so how does he stop this vicious monster?
Sandman Perhaps stealing to get his sick daughter medical care would be too similar to Vulture trying to take care of his family through crime, but that doesn't mean Sandman still can't have an arc that takes him from uncommon criminal to unlikely ally of Spider-man. Maybe he comes to genuinely regret what he’s done, feeling that his outward appearance is showing him as the monster he’s become. A supervillain stepping back and taking a good look at themselves without anything to gain from it but a better soul—then actually doing the work to change for the better—isn’t an arc we ever see, and it could work for Flint Marko. Perhaps he views his robberies as something different (and maybe even somewhat noble in a Robin Hood/“the billionaires are the real criminals” sort of way) than the all-out world domination and murder attempted by villains like Hobgoblin or Doctor Octopus. He could have a “honor among thieves” code of conduct to set him apart from the egomaniacs and monsters. A supervillain with a growing conscience would be a cool arc that would parallel and reveal Peter’s early selfishness nicely. Peter isn’t Superman—he isn’t even close to being perfect—so he shouldn’t have a problem believing villains can change if they really want to (and having Marko change without the death of a loved one could be a cool commentary on heroes who “need” tragedy in their lives, as well as potentially showing his moral awakening to be a little purer than Peter’s). Peter should even be out there helping his enemies to walk the same path he has. Wherever they take Flint Marko, I'd like them to really dig into his powers—just how much sand can he control? Are we talking entire shorelines?—and Peter's need to use science to stop him. 
Rhino I have no problem with him being just the nearly invulnerable and less-than-intelligent muscle, but if they want to add layers to him that's cool too. They could do something like "Flowers for Rhino,” wherein he became increasingly smart. He could have a genuinely loving marriage to Oksana, like in the comics, which could parallel Peter’s problems with balancing his heroic and love lives. I’d prefer he have some version of his classic suit over another mech version, though I can see the MCU going with the latter for simplicity. Whatever they do with his personality, Rhino should be like a force of nature: truly unstoppable and deadly to everyone in his path.
Electro If they do Electro again, I'd like them to really play up his powers and have him go for godhood! I thought the tragedy of ASM2’s Electro was he was still too insecure to believe he had as much power and potential as he did, and it'd be amazing to see an Electro who knew what to do with the power at his fingertips. He could give power only to those who are loyal to him. He could plunge the eastern seaboard into the Dark Ages by taking it away. He could be everywhere, all the time, unless you’re away from electronics (which could be a fun gag about the omnipresence of cell phones). If Peter still has his Stark suit, Electro could take it over completely; maybe he could even take over whatever tech shrinks it to fit Parker and use it to force him to commit crimes or act as his enforcer like a puppet. With every surveillance network at Electro’s fingertips and his ability to move through any circuitry, Peter would have to be as low-tech and stealthy as possible, maybe even forgoing his costume to travel as Parker, to get close enough to defeat him. Electro is potentially one of Peter's most powerful enemies—a villain Spidey can't even touch and one of many that forces him to adapt his webs and use his head to stand a chance of surviving, not to mention winning—and I'd love to see him up against those odds! The sympathetic origin from Spectacular Spider-man (or a version of it) would be great as a starting point—that’s my favorite version of Electro—but I’d like to see Electro develop delusions of grandeur…then use his power to make them real.
Mister Negative He'd be cool as both a way to get May into the action—Negative's alter ego Martin Li ran the homeless shelter May volunteered at—and he could fill the “secret mob boss” role Kingpin played on the 90s cartoon (as did the much more menacing Tombstone on Spectacular Spider-man) if they wanted to go with a gang war angle. While Li has a healing touch, Mister Negative can bring out the negative aspects in anyone he touches (his morally inverting touch also gives him control over his victims), which could give us a taste of not only how selfish Peter was before Ben died, but how Peter might be with the Venom symbiote (since it seems we won't see that story in the MCU, though I hope it's mentioned as backstory in Venom). Negative would be a great way to give us a glimpse into how far Peter's come as a hero without resorting to character regression. His belief that the balance of good and evil is necessary to the universe would be a fascinating perspective that could challenge Peter’s perception of right and wrong (in addition to questioning if there’s even a point in continuing to fight), and his split personality could be a cool parallel to how being Spider-man messes with Peter’s social life. Then again, perhaps his origin would make him more appropriate for the upcoming Cloak & Dagger series on Freeform, since they were all exposed to the same tests with the Darkforce dimension.
Morbius Similar to Lizard, Michael Morbius accidentally made himself into a vampiric creature while trying to cure his rare blood disease. He'd be a cool way to bring a horror vibe into Spidey's corner of the MCU. He could be a classmate of Peter's to rival him in both intelligence and power, or like in the later comics, an employee at Horizon Labs trying to cure himself. Perhaps he could be a creature who truly scares Peter, giving Parker some fears to fight through; something we don’t often see from Spider-man in movies. Morbius has powers similar to supernatural vampires (enhanced strength and speed, night vision, echolocation, an enhanced healing factor, the ability to hypnotize people, and the ability to glide using transvection), and none of their mythical weaknesses, except for a vulnerability to sunlight (though it’s not fatal, it will weaken and burn him severely). He’s not always able to turn the people he bites into vampires in the comics, but I’d give him that power as well as his ability to “liquidize” his body, allowing him to squeeze through small spaces and elongate his limbs. What would Peter do if Morbius was forced to feed on others to survive? How would he defeat Michael if stopping him from getting blood likely meant killing him? Even though Morbius is not a supernatural vampire, his existence could open Peter’s eyes to the possibility of the supernatural, even if after struggling with something science can’t explain, he rationalizes it as science mistaken for magic.
Man-Wolf Jameson's son, turned into a werewolf-like monster by an alien artifact, could be a cool way to bring Peter and Jonah together and repair their enmity to an extent (and Jonah having to thank Spidey for saving his son would be a great moment for the web-head!). Making John Jameson—a hotshot astronaut—someone relatively close to Peter's age (maybe he’s a pilot prodigy at NASA) and something of a hero for Peter could make Pete reflect on how much more he could be accomplishing if he weren’t spending time fighting crime as Spider-man. They could also contrast John being celebrated as an American hero with Peter being unable to tell anyone how much he's done for the city. That'd give Peter a reason to dislike John removed from any real reason, much like Jonah dislikes Peter (and like Flash hates Peter but is a fan of Spider-man). How much would Peter hate being similar to JJ and Flash? Saving John from alien technology would also be a great challenge for Peter’s already brilliant mind; I’m sure he’d be geeking out at the chance to work with such advanced, otherworldly technology.
Stunner This villain who uses a holographic projector to create her idealized appearance would be a good high school enemy! Increase her holographic powers to include force field projection and she'd have offensive capabilities as well as a neat way to hide her identity. She’d also be a good opportunity to explore bullying in addition to what Flash dishes out; that’s both a villain Peter can’t beat and a good parallel to how he deals with his own torment at the hands of his classmates. They could have Peter examine whether his banter in fights is bullying (Max Landis has said it is, I’d say it isn’t, and Peter can ask himself that question) and whether he should be doing more to understand his villains’ pain before just attacking them. She could also prompt Peter to see the other bullied kids at school and try to do something to help as Peter. Her idealized self would also be a perfect foil for Spider-man being the outlet for Peter’s confidence.
Hydro-Man He sometimes seems like just a watery version of Sandman, but what if he were reconfigured as a killer who could strike his victims anywhere? Walk by a fire hydrant on the street? He's there. Have fire sprinklers in your place of business? You're not safe, even with everyone around you. Have a sink or shower in your apartment? He can get into your home, no matter how many locks you've got on your door. The 90s animated series had him stalking Mary Jane with some of these methods, and an unstoppable killer like this might be best saved for a Venom sequel.
Morlun Best used in a Spider-verse crossover, this nearly-immortal, vampiric monster who consumes the life force of spider-powered people across the multiverse would be a crazy cosmic-level villain for Peter to face. Peter would even have to recruit a whole army of Spider-people in an epic Avengers-styled adventure, showcasing a wide-variety of worlds and Spider-men (and women). Letting Peter see who he could've become under different circumstances (even though some of the Spiders aren't Peter at all) would be illuminating both for him and us. As Morlun is almost a god, discovering how to beat him—and how to lead a team—would be very cool in the later portions of Peter's arc; it’d probably be the ultimate test of Peter’s accumulated skills.
Shriek Once insane and romantically obsessed with Carnage, my first thought was that they could play her as Spidey's (or Venom’s, given her longtime connection to Carnage) version of Harley Quinn. Obviously I wouldn't want a total ripoff, but maybe making Shriek—who has sonic blasts—a goofily serious villain could make for a fun, unique challenge for Peter or Eddie. However, given Shriek’s obsession with motherhood, making her the overbearing and controlling mother of one of Peter’s classmates would be a cool update. That would allow them to play her as a clever foil to Ben and May. Like the classic comics May, she could be paranoid about her child’s safety, but unlike May, she’d resort to violence to protect her kid. Her ability to create chaos and bring out the fear, anger, and hatred in people could produce some interesting challenges for Peter: how does he stop a crowd of innocent civilians from hurting the uninfected among them without hurting the attackers as well? What if he gets infected; how much damage is an angry, uncontrollable, super-powered Spider-man going to do? Does she unleash these powers on Peter’s school after her child is severely bullied, turning the bullies’ hatred against themselves? Where is the line between protecting her child and going so far that not only are others hurt, but her child can’t cope well enough to defend his or herself at all? Does Spider-man cross that line by saving the city over and over again, to the point where we can’t help ourselves? What if she purposefully infected her child to enrage them to defend themselves? Shriek could be the Peter who never shirked her responsibility, taken to a detrimental extreme.
Spot Spot's transportation portals all over his body could make for a neat, maze-like puzzle for Spidey to solve in one of his strangest adventures. Like Mister Negative, he too might be better suited for Cloak & Dagger, since his powers came from studying Cloak’s dark dimension in the comics. If he were to fight Spider-man, it’d be cool to pit Peter (or Miles) against a villain their spider-sense can’t detect, since it can’t sense attacks coming in from alternate dimensions. Dimensional warping would also allow him to hit Spidey from multiple angles at once, as well as deflecting attacks through various portals. 
Alistair or Spencer Smythe/Spider-Slayers Maybe the spider-slayers are a little too similar to Sentinels in X-Men, but I wonder if there's a way to reconfigure them as smaller (but no less lethal) bugs that can be anywhere and see everything. They'd be like the spider drone network set up by the Superior Spider-man (Otto Octavius) in the comics, and perhaps it'd be best in a movie if Otto simply called them spider-slayers as a shout-out to the Smythes.
Big Wheel I really have no idea how to make Big Wheel work outside of a gag appearance, but that'd be enough for a Bond-styled opening. I've always thought it'd be funny to have him rolling down a street, wreaking havoc and shouting "No one can stop me!" Spidey swings up, tries to web Big Wheel's Ferris Wheel-styled vehicle to halt him, but the webs snap. Big Wheel proclaims no one can stop him again...as he plunges off the pier into the ocean. Before going to rescue him, Peter muses that he though Big Wheel was boasting, not yelling frantically that he'd lost control of his vehicle. 
 The World Midtown High I really hope all the apathetic staff returns! They were a great, unexpected source of comedy and I’d love to see more of them. The other students were great too; Betty Brant’s deer-in-the-headlights news reports were a perfect, realistic high school layer to the environment! All the high school stuff clicked perfectly with the superhero themes, giving the heroics relatable metaphors and grounding them in a realistic world. Let’s see that continue!
The Daily Bugle I’d love for the Bugle to be more than a set for Jonah to rant about Spidey. It’d be cool if it became a place where we could see the varied reactions to Spider-man from the adults in New York, while we see the younger generation’s reaction at school. Robbie Robertson, Glory Grant, and any number of other characters could pop up to fill us in on how the common man sees Spider-man, both in relation to other heroes and as a solo hero. Robbie could push Spidey as the hero he is, Glory could mentor Betty in terms of where her career could take her, etc. The Bugle is practically begging for a MCU parallel to fake news with its anti-Spider-man message, and building on some of the public’s annoyance with Spidey in Homecoming would allow for some brilliant social commentary. The Bugle can also question the validity of the government having its own team of superheros in the Avengers. Is there a problem with state-sponsored heroes?
Horizon Labs Max Modell, Sajani Jaffrey, Anna Maria Marconi, and Co. would be great additions to the Spider-man corner of the MCU! Beyond the bleeding edge super-science Horizon would introduce and the potential path for Peter’s future as a scientist, Max would be a significant scientific mentor for Peter (and one who does not turn into a supervillain). The Lab’s staff is very diverse, continuing the real world look of Midtown High in Homecoming. The staff would also provide a variety of non-villainous perspectives on science for Peter to look up to or disregard, getting him to consider things beyond Tony Stark’s way of doing things. It’d also be interesting to explore not only what inventions they could use to update and aid the city (creating problems for Spidey, no doubt), but whether they should be helping the wall-crawler to more efficiently stop bad guys. Would that make him a corporate-sponsored hero? Should that be a thing? 
The NYPD The police reaction to Spidey should be varied as well. Introducing Captain George Stacy as someone hunting Spidey and eventually mentoring him would be very cool. Jean DeWolffe was eventually a Spider-man supporter in most versions, but her tough-as-nails attitude could work against him as well. Her partner, Stan Carter, could admire Spidey in a twisted way before becoming the masked serial killer Sin-Eater. Yuri Watanabe, who is also the vigilante Wraith, could be a cool parallel to Spidey acting outside the boundaries of the law, particularly if he ever leaves the Avengers and ignores the Sokovia Accords. Carlie Cooper, a police forensic specialist and sometime love interest of Peter’s, could put his secret identity in danger while also eventually resenting being a target because of her association with Spidey. Since Spider-man plays more in the everyday world than most of the MCU heroes, I’d like the local cops to have their own reactions to him rather than just treating him as another Avenger. The same should go for New York’s civilians.
SHIELD What about the Sokovia Accords? Was Peter unofficially drafted into service by Iron Man, as I've suspected? Is he considered a child soldier? If he leaves the Avengers, does he automatically become a fugitive? Would SHIELD put all his closest family and friends in danger to force him back into line? 
Other Heroes Let’s see Spidey interact with the Defenders! I think it’d be funny if the youngest hero were also the one from the biggest stage as an Avenger. Alternatively (or additionally), a Miles-Spidey meeting the Defenders could be cool as well, since they’re almost all representative of the downtrodden and ignored in society. Miles getting lessons on being a hero from the Defenders would give him an entirely different outlook than hanging out with the Avengers, making his point of view that much more different from Peter’s when they team-up..
Animated Features Miles is getting one next year, but what if Sony were to make a series of standalone animated Spider-man films that weren’t in any continuity, then wrapped them together in a Spider-Verse adaptation? Spider-verse dealt with Morlun’s family of immortals absorbing the life-force of people affected by the Spider-totem to sustain themselves. These Inheritors, mainly Morlun, were somewhat vampiric, extremely hard to defeat, and terrifying. They crossed into multiple realities to hunt down the spiders of each, even really clever continuities like the Marvel vs. Capcom video game and Spider-man’s newspaper strip.
Since they’d be animated, it’d be easy to mix them with every version of Spider-man from his numerous animated series (along with those from the comics). You could animate Toby Maguire, Andrew Garfield, Tom Holland, Nicholas Hammond, the Japanese TV Spider-man, and the Broadway Spider-man into this too. We could get Spider-Ham and a sentient Spider-mobile (alias: Peter Parkedcar)! In fact, an animated Spider-verse seems like it’d be the most feasible way of adapting the story into a movie. Regardless of whether they culminate in Spider-Verse or not, the standalone animated films I’d like to see most are as follows:
Spider-man Noir Taking place in an alternate 1930s, Peter Parker Noir is a chance to bring a bit of The Shadow and Batman the Animated Series to the Spider-verse! Peter was affected by an occult artifact in this universe, granting him similar powers to the version we know (though he can create organic webbing). Both his job as an investigative reporter and his main criminal targets being gangsters would make for the perfect throwback to a 30s/40s crime movie. The Parker of this world didn’t learn “with great power, there must also come great responsibility,” but rather “If there is too much power, it’s the responsibility of the people to take it away,” giving him a slightly different outlook and reason for taking action. This Peter also struggles with killing villains, giving him an internal battle that the mainstream Peter doesn’t have. The villains—sometimes patterned after classic movie monsters: Vulture as Dracula, Hammerhead as Frankenstein’s Monster, Goblin as a Wolfman, etc.—are distinctive and the pulpy, film noir vibe is very cool. Spider-man Noir’s struggle for the rights of the people and distrust of anyone with too much power would be a very timely story for today, told in the context of our history.
Spider-man 2099 Miguel O’Hara is the Spider-man of the future and lives in a technologically advanced wonderland that would make a great animated feature. It’d be cool to explore Peter’s legacy in this potential future! Irish-Mexican Miguel was a geneticist working at Alchemax until a genetic bonding experiment caused the death of the person Miguel was testing. Disgusted, he tried to leave, but his boss secretly addicted him to a drug in the hopes that he’d have to stay (Alchemax was the sole manufacturer), but Miguel performed the same genetic test to cure himself of the addiction, giving himself powers when his supervisor sabotaged the experiment in an attempt to kill him. Miguel’s DNA was spliced with a spider’s, giving him the classic Spider powers in addition to a healing factor, enhanced vision, telepathy, organic webs, talons, and fangs. His high-tech suit also allows him to glide. They could go crazy with his futuristic villains, making them stark contrasts to the present-day Spidey’s rogues. In at least one version of his future, Miguel was instrumental in saving, rebuilding, and enhancing the entirety of society, allowing for an epic end-of-the-world story that could actually have a hopeful, definitive ending where Spider-man improves the world for good. They could also play with his adventures in the past trying to maintain his future if they wanted to.
Lady Spider May Reilly lives in the Victorian Age on her Earth and uses a steampunk suit she designed to fight crime. She says the spider that bit her (encountered in a cage in her father’s study) taught her to let no one cage her, which would be a powerful feminist message. She doesn’t have super-powers, instead relying on her intelligence and her inventions to defeat the Six Men of Sinestry and other nefarious criminals. She was the only woman in her university class and achieved three degrees. As a wealthy, brilliant heiress and adventurer, she’d be the perfect character to build a classical—but socially updated—adventure around. There aren’t many Victorian superheroes in film, and a Lady Spider animated movie would stand out from the pack while being visually outstanding.
Spider-Girl The teenage daughter of Peter Parker and Mary Jane in a near-future alternate world, May “Mayday” Parker became Spider-girl when Norman Osborn’s grandson restarted his family’s Goblin legacy. Retired after losing a leg, Peter followed his Aunt May’s example in not wanting his daughter to be Spider-Girl at first. The chance to see how Peter and his supporting cast might end up—and how the world might be improved by his adventures—would be very cool; a way to give an ending to his character and a passing of the Spider torch without it needing to be the ending. May having a father who used to be a superhero himself would also be an easy way to replicate the Peter/Tony relationship, or at least the function it served: May would have someone who could say no to her, reinforcing her teenager status despite her great power. It would also be a fairly fresh relationship, with only Hope Van Dyne and Hank Pym having explored that before. Peter could give practical advice as a former hero and he’d have insights into some of the villains she faces, while she could also prove that it’s a new age and she’s the right hero for it.
 Other Notes Another thing I'd like to see is more self-control from Sony's promotions department. Homecoming didn't have it as bad, but the trailers for both Amazing Spider-man films heavily featured the end credits tag. This would've been like advertising the first Iron Man with Nick Fury and the Avengers Initiative front and center; I'm sure this contributed to the misconception that Amazing Spider-man 2 was nothing but a stepping stone to the Sinister Six, when in reality it is a full and complete movie unto itself. Across the Sony Spider-verse, I hope they're more careful about what they put in their trailers; I'd prefer it if nothing past the runtime’s halfway mark made it in.
I haven't gotten to watch Marvel's Spider-man animated series beyond the pilot, but I'm excited to see Peter and Miles as contemporaries and how Gwen will work as a third Spider-hero. Peter’s focus on science is brilliantly applied—the scientific method is how he calmed himself down after the spider bite and provided the framework for his origin story—and I can’t believe that idea wasn’t used before. I’m definitely looking forward to seeing more! You can find official, free uploads of the origin story shorts here: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and the pilot here. I do wish it had more of a theme song, but I’m glad there’s a new Spider-man cartoon on the air!
It'll never happen, but my biggest Spider-man wish would be the return of Spectacular Spider-man. It boasted excellent fights, genuine humor, and a healthy dose of science, responsibility, and heroism from Peter, as well as excellent representations of almost all of Peter's friends and enemies (and Spider-man himself, perfectly voiced by Josh Keaton). That show is my favorite version of the Spider-mythos anywhere and it's a shame we didn't get to see the full version of Greg Weisman's extensive plans.
I’d also love a live-action series to really be able to explore and flesh out all the supporting characters and villains, but that’s unlikely to happen now…at least with Peter as Spidey. However, I think a Miles Morales Spider-man series could be a great addition to either Netflix’s Defenders lineup or to Freeform’s Cloak & Dagger corner of the MCU, so that those three could team up with Ms. Marvel and form their own teen supergroup, the Champions. You could focus the series on Miles and his supporting cast, while Peter drops in occasionally (playing up Miles’ feelings about following in Parker’s footsteps) and the two Spider-men could split the classic villains so they all get a moment in the sun.
I'm very excited for the upcoming PlayStation 4 Spider-man game! The trailer looks outstanding and I'm hoping they find a way to make playing as Spidey feel fresh. Even if it’s something similar to Spider-games of the past, what we’ve seen so far gives me hope this is going to be the best one yet!
What do you want to see from the web-slinger’s world?
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