#but the thing is i dont actually have depression no matter how much they think i do orz

[paeonie-s]

for some youths, suicide is better than going back to school

#🌸.txt #suicide ment #i reread look back a couple days ago so ive been reading a lot of articles/papers abt isolation in kids/teens #esp when it comes to them literally just. withdrawing to school #which i know that if middle school me realized that was an option she absolutely woudlve done it lol #so this girls story rly stuck out to me. isolation stretches on for so long that any contact just feels so damn weird #but personally ive never really. acted on any of the suicidal thoughts ive had bc theres always been that feeling that wanted to keep on #going even if i was doing it all alone. even if i didnt have friends or was close w my family or felt i had much of a purpose i still wante #to keep living #i didnt know how to (i still rly dont) communicate or even just. do things a lot of this times but i still enjoy those things #the org that this article mentioned that was created to help connected these isolated kids is named the futoko are not unhappy and tbh #no matter how isolated i was/am i dont think unhappy or sad or depressed would ever be the best way to describe it #bc as much as i feel lonely or upset i never stopped enjoying the parts of life i had to ability to actually do. its just the doing the #things which feels so difficult #anyways. look back tatsuki fujimoto so true #ive reread all of his shit in the past month call that. senioritis premium !! #i also read a super interesting one about withdrawing from school in india but i cant find the paper .. hmm

[thedevotionaltour]

anyone else ever remember how they are gonna end up in some dead end soul sucking job instead of the actual career they wanna pursue because they are far too unskilled for it. just me. awesome.

#sometimes i get a twinge of hope bc my classmates will say nice things and then i remember the reality that exists and is real. #where i just suck. i lack so much technical skill. i feel like i have to reteach myself how to draw constantly. my style is not distinct. #it looks like the quality of a middle schooler's sketchbook where it's a drawing they're proud of but in comparison to anything else #it is just garbage. utter garbage. #i have been in such a horrific slump of feeling about what i make. and i tell my therapist about it. and he never ever actually reassures m #doesnt tell me to maybe ask if im being unfair in my standards. or says i should have some more compassion towards myself. #or finds it an issue in regards to my generally low self esteem. im so fucking tired of being told well. you can always go back to school #to pursue something else after wasting all your fucking time on this stupid fucking degree that will get you nowhere! #i feel hopeless! so utterly fucking hopeless! it doesnt matter when my peers with more skill than me say they like my work bc im positive #they are just being nice. i cant imagine you look at your work and then mine and still find it good and having worth. i cant. #i cant make anything good. im so tired of not being able to make anything good. im tired of not being able to have the motivation to do wor #in my own time to help improve my work because im too fucking tired because im too fucking depressed to do anything. im a failure. #im literally watching myself become a failure in real time and i cant stand it some days. genuinely what a waste. #i dont know what gave me the right to think i could possibly succeed at this. i feel like an idiot for wasting so much time and money. #im not saying this to seek pity or comfort either. im just talking about how i feel. because it just sucks. it just sucks #it sucks to know you will never make it. because even on the days you think maybe you can. it just comes crashing down again to remembering #oh. i wont. because i have none of what it takes for it at all. #man. what even ever at this point. who cares. i'll get over it. it just sucks. #vent.txt

[intrinsicepiphany]

Okay tumblr lets talk theories again.

(my brain rot + knowledge of religion has me all up in Hazbin Hotel right now.)

Today I want to talk Biology! Mostly because I made the poor choice of going to Twitter's chaggie tag and looking at the comments...

So can we discuss Why do so many people keep trying to apply HUMAN biology to the Half-Demon Nephillim daughter of an Arch-Angel?!

Okay I'll start at the begining and work my way to the reasons why if Charlie really wants a kid with Vaggie both of them being assigned female at creation probably isn't going to matter.

Let's start with Lucifer!

So as far as has been shown in the show Lucifer is an original Archangel even down to his lovely 6 red wings. This makes him one of the most powerful beings in heaven.

(If we go by bible text he was actually a favorite until his dreams of free will led him astray and depending on the text he merely has to admit he was wrong and ask for forgiveness to return)

Now looking at everything after this fall he has never lost his Angelic Abilities. His default powers are still angelic gold.

We do see he also has a Full Demon form when he is pissed. Interestingly enough his crown also doubles as a halo in this form. Also note for later just how much Charlie resembles him in both forms.

This suggest that at root biology Lucifer is still an archangel with demon traits. This combination is most likely what makes him the strongest being in hell by a long shot. The only reason others even have power is purely because he doesnt care enough to flex his power and has no desire to actually rule.

Now on to Lilith!

What do we know about Lilith?

Well we know she was a created human not born.

She was Adam's equal

And she left and got with Lucifer before the fall.

So here is the deal... I dont think Lilith can be classified as a sinner. She didnt die to end up in hell and in fact she fell before hell was really a thing. she helped create it after all. (Plus you know Charlie exsists)

So what IS Lilith? I think Lilith as one of a few Actual Demons. And if we have to classify her she'd be closer to a Sin. I actually think of Lilith as the Sin of Pride in Hazbin Hotel not Lucifer. We are even told that She created pentagram city and developed hell while lucifer kept to his workshop in depression.

Now let's talk about this scene for a second. Lilith fell from heaven/earth Alive and possibly even immortal since human kind was immortal before Eve took the apple.

Lilith gains power from her fall into hell. She develops demon like attributes and seems to have musical based magic. She also seems to retain or get immortality. So what does this fall mean? It means that Lilith was NOT HUMAN by the time Charlie was born.

So what does this mean for Charlie?

Well for one Charlie is NOT just some Hellborn. She is by Definition a Nephilim but she is not half-human. She would most likely be considered a Half-Demon, Half-Angel Nephilim.

This would explain her expansive (if never used) power base. The official power ranking has her tied with Lilith with only Lucifer being more powerful. Which makes complete sense. She is the Heir to the entire thing after all. (I actually think this is why Alastor couldnt make a deal for her soul and settled for a favor instead)

She also inheirited Angelic powers from her father. As seen by the fact that her default magic is gold. Which means she has angel blood in her veins. Lets be honest i wouldnt be surprised if she ended up bleeding gold in the future.

In fact she seems to have inherited most of her abilities from dear old dad.

Im pretty sure that just by shear ability and magic if Charlie wanted a kid she could probably create/magic one into exsistance no matter who her partner was.

But lets review Vaggie just for fun! Because I have thoughts

What do we actually know about Vaggie?

Well we know she is an angel. I say is because I dont think Lute or Adam actually have the power to cast an angel out of heaven AND she gets her wings back. This would mean she is not actually a sinner she would be closer to a fallen angel like lucifer.

We know she speaks Spanish and seems to be of Hispanic nature. BUT! Do we know if she was ever really human?!

We know Adam claims to have named her Vaggie. This could suggest three things

1) exorcist take on a new name when they join. But if this was true why wouldnt she leave this name behind and return to her human name once in hell? It would have kept her secret better and you'd figure she would want to leave behind the negative feelings that would come with her exorcist name.

2) Adam in his self-centered ways misheard her real name (maybe something like Aggie from Agatha or Maggie) and thought she said Vaggie or actively chose to misinterpret her name and she never cared to correct him. BUT Once more why would she not just return to her real name once with Charlie in hell?

Or 3) And this one is the real kicker. Vaggie is a Heaven-born Angel.

If the answer is 3 than it would imply that she was never human which brings her closer to lucifers biology.

Some other interesting things to consider about this last theory. Lute and Vaggie resemble each other a great deal. In fact, all the exorcist seem to have a similar body type. (I mean you could argue its the uniform but even without the uniform the resembalance between lute and vaggie is uncanny) and if I remember correctly at one point the exterminators are refered to as sister? I mean this could mean sisters-in-arms BUT What if ALL exorcist were heaven-born?

If they were never human this could explain both their ability and their desire to slay sinners. Much like Sera they wouldn't have any sympathy for the dammed because they wouldn't have any possible family that could end up down there. They would also have Very little connection to or concern for former humans. After all like Adam said they had their chance and they screwed up.

So in the end what does this all mean?

Well I actually already kind of said it

1) Fandom really needs to stop applying human biology to Charlie. She is a half demon half archangel Nephilim with incredible magic.

If charlie wants a kid she can probably magic one up no matter the obsticles please stop asking artist and writers how it is possible for her and vaggie to have a kid/get pregnant if they are both women - the answer is Charlie Magic.

2) all 4 of the above have the potential to be way stronger than they have been shown in the show.

And

3) Charlie is a potential BadAss and is just too nice to go full tactical nuke - this will be covered in my next ted talk.

#hazbin hotel theory #hazbin hotel spoilers #hazbin hotel #charlie morningstar #lucifer morningstar #lilith morningstar #vaggie #chaggie

[pasta-in-the-pudding]

RAHHH UR INBOX IS OPEN AGAIN AND IM BACK!!!!!

(This has a slight tw for depression I think)

Jeff, ej and Toby with a (Gn) s/o going through a depressive episode where they’re like not eating that much, not really taking care of themselves, generally just feeling empty and wearing baggy clothes and stuff. Also listening to really sad music like “how to never stop being sad” (by dandelion hands) I love that song but it’s genuinely so miserable 😭😭

Thank u!!!!

YES I AM BACK THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE!!

TW: depressive themes are constant throughout this entry, Jeff's entry has knives in the photo

Thank you so much for requesting!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jeff

Jeff is a haver of many episodes

Manic, depressive, you name it

That being said, he absolutely will not tolerate you going down that rabbit hole

He absolutely forces you out of the episode, whether you like it or not

He doesn't care what you wear or listen to, so don't expect him to do much about that unless your music or clothes actively makes you feel worse

He won't force you to eat, per se, but he bribes you to eat if that makes sense

For example, he will steal your phone and won't return it until you've eaten something

And sometimes he'll full on dissapear

He will only return when you eat

Not taking care of yourself and your emotions are probably the only thing on that list that he will actually be nice about

If you arent bathing or washing yourself, he will randomly hug you from behind, slowly kissing your neck and leading you into the shower

If you are comfortable with it, he will stay and shower with you, helping you wash your hair, scrubbing your skin with your bubbly soaps, kissing you gently and telling you how good you're doing, and how strong you are

If you aren't comfortable with him showering with you, he will stand outside the door and listen until he hears the shower run

Then he walks off and gets your bed ready, getting your favorite drinks and tv show set up

And when you feel empty, he will understand

He will be there to hold you, stroking your hair and kissing your face

If you want to cry it out, cry it out

If you want to scream and yell, let it all out

There is very little he wont tolerate when it comes to you

Eyeless Jack

As the manors head doctor, and a demon with very good senses (and the ability to smell horemones), he almost instantly knows when something changes with you

He doesn't pressure you on it though, he will wait for you to talk to him when you're ready

I think the only time he would take matters into his own hands is if you were actively getting worse mentally, or threatning to hurt yourself

If he sees you arent eating, he will try to coax you out of that slump, informing you on just small little snacks you can eat

Or maybe he would offer to make you a smoothie full of nutrients, that way you dont have to actually eat anything if you just aren't up for it

He is the only person on this list who would really care about your change in clothes

He would inform you about how the way someone dresses reveals a lot about their mental health, and how you should dress for the headspace you want, because the first step to becoming happier is by making yourself feel happy about your body

If you stop taking care of yourself, he will be more than happy to accommodate that

He will buy you dry shampoo and baby wipes, that way at the very least, you wont feel disgusting

And if you dont feel grimey and gross, it gives you a better chance of feeling better mentally

When presented with the idea of you feeling empty inside, he wouldn't really know what to do

Despite him doing extensive research on psychology, he isn't really good with other's emotions

And so, he would just ask you what you want him to do

And whatever you say, im sure he would be happy to do

Ticci Toby

And his tend to get really really bad

Like Jeff, Toby also experiences depressive episodes

So when he sees you exhibiting those same behaviors he gets really nervous and worried

He tries his hardest to get you out of it as soon as possible so you don't have to experience that pain, but as we know, that rarely works

If he noticed you weren't eating, he wouldn't force you or make you eat, but he would always offer to share his food with you

Eventually, it would get to the point of him begging you just to eat something, If not for yourself, for him

He loves you so much and can't stomach the thought of losing you

He doesn't really notice if you start wearing baggier clothes, as he doesn't really pay attention to what people wear anyways

He'd probably just think that it's your new style

If you stop taking care of yourself, he would try to motivate you by making it fun!

Seeing who can brush their teeth the fastest and cleanest, who can get softer hair just by washing it, who can fake laugh without actually laughing longest, etc

If you aren't in the mood for that though, he'd understand and simply wait until you are comfortable enough

When it comes to you feeling empty, he would try to get you to laugh by telling you stories from his childhood

Like the time he chased his sister with a slug, or the time he accidentally shaved off his eyebrows

And when you do finally laugh, he will smile and kiss your face, telling you how gorgeous you are when you smile

#creepypasta #slender mansion #creepypasta x y/n #creepypasta x you #creepypasta x female reader #ticci toby #ticci toby x reader #toby erin rogers #ticci toby x you #jeff the killer #jeff the killer x male reader #jeff the killer x reader #jeff the killer headcanons #jeffery woods #eyeless jack x male reader #eyeless jack x you #eyeless jack x reader #eyeless jack creepypasta #eyeless jack

[tannieastrology]

Capricorn Venus-Learning To Love, Love🤎🧸

☕️ How I imagine a love for Capricorn Venuses one day- Something REAL. Something that warms your heart. Someone to just come home to.

Kinda a personal story<3

☕️🧸First off people who have Capricorn Venus or Venus aspecting Saturn how did yall meet yalls partner and how would you describe your experience in dating? Let me know your experiences down in the comments!

☕️🧸Some common themes- unrequited love, being unable to catch feelings, work/school focused, unsatisfying relationships, liking people for years, low self worth, having to go through many obstacles, strong souls, gracefully age.

☕️🧸My Venus is in Capricorn in the 3rd house conjunct Jupiter, Pluto, and POF and trines my Virgo Saturn in the 11th. All of my friends are older and I actually met my friendgroup because of my older sister and find it difficult to make friends regularly. I also mostly hangout with older people but when it comes down to dating I am very inexperienced even though I know im only 16.

☕️🧸Like ive never talked to anyone and when I like someone ive had a pattern of liking them for like 2-3 years( my venus being in the 8th degree of scorpio). I also dont get approached alot and while I do have guys approaching me here and there theyre never my type.

☕️🧸Like I LOVE classy men but guys my age just arent like that it kinda bums me out. Watching people easily get into relationships ever since I was a kid and being able to attract anything they want in love matters made me really think I was ugly for the longest time.

☕️🧸For one I literally was a ugly duckling from elementary to middle school and I didnt really go to a school where indian features were appreciated(a majority of my school is hispanic and black). I always kept quiet about my crushes because I always thought no way they could like me?

☕️🧸It wasnt really until this year(my sophmore year) where I realized I have grown sooo much as a person. Beauty wise and personality wise. The way my Venus has impacted me the most was friends because of the relationship of my 3rd and 11th house. I lost friends, was lied to, and backstabbed and eventually made me realize that I wasnt the problem. The people around me are just vain. This made me go into depression for a while but also made me reflect on my relationships.

☕️🧸Eventually I thought why do I deserve any less? And yall dont understand this was such a turning point for me because it made me cut off so many unnecessary people in my life along with raising my standards within my relationships which is EXACTLY what Capricorn Venus should learn to do if they feel theyre relationships arent satisfying. Not just friends but in romantic interests too. Like I actually have boundries for myself but I will say that I lost alot of my innocence when it comes to love. The biggest thing for me personally is that I grew into myself but it took a longer time for that to happen for me compared to my peers but man sometimes people be hyping me up and I just dont know how to deal with it because I grew up ugly LMFAO.

☕️🧸Saturn here will force you to be patient and learn alot of valuable lessons for not only romantic love, but also friendships and familial relationships. Because one thing ive noticed is that these people are very sweet, soft hearted, and always wanted to fall in love, but as they got older they had unsatisfactory in those experiences and come to take the stereotype of being “cold” when in reality you just come to realize that people are disappointing. With time ive noticed we age well and we meet more serious people as we get older but you just have to deal with immaturity for a little while until that happens. All in all Capricorn Venuses will get what they deserve and I PROMISE you will be fine asf when u get old so hang in there.😘

If I were to give you a love based on a movie itd be this one<3

I really hope yall enjoyed this I wanted to give my insight on it so here I came🥰

#capricorn #venus square saturn #saturn #capricorn venus #astrology #my observations #astrology observations

[featherwingfae]

Gonna try to make this a "Quick post".

(warning some light swearing)

Maybe, just maybe one of the reasons we're seeing so many new Therians nowadays is because humans have fucked up the earth so bad that the universe just went fuck it and threw in a bunch of nature brains to balance things out. People who wouldn't just be able to look at the devastation of wildlife and their homes and just move on like nothing happened. Because they can see themselves in those creatures, and it hurts them to know that they are suffering. And maybe if there's enough nature brains, seeing themselves in the withering world around them, then more and more people might stand up and say this isn't right. We need to fix this. And maybe in a human world where one of the most lovely traits of humanity is being able to work together a bunch of nature brains with human faces can make a difference. They say animals can't speak human. Well they can, and are. Maybe Therians are the voices of nature coming out from the wilds, to places and bodies where they're not comfortable, where the air is heavy with pollution and trash litters the ground. And they have to learn weird shit like math, and work exhausting jobs that are often just to pay the bills that allow them to keep surviving. All so that they can see the damage from the other side and better understand the problem and together find solutions to stop it.

I'm not saying humans (and others) can't and/or dont do anything. I'm saying it's harder to do nothing when you look at creatures suffering and see yourself. Empathy is a beautiful thing. It helps connect us. But in a world where almost no one can afford the barest minimum just to survive. Where finding happiness feels like a struggle because you're constantly grinding and pushing yourself beyond your mental, emotional and/or physical boundaries, how easy is it to just shut yourself off. To put on the blinders because you're stuck yourself and you don't feel like there's anything you can do, so why upset yourself further by caring. It's sad. Terribly sad. Soul crushingly, heart wrenchingly sad.

Most people nowadays suffer from anxiety, depression or some other mental illness. And yes those illnesses are more known and understood now, and are more easily diagnosed. But I think the reason we see them everywhere now, is as simple as everyone is suffering. The human world in its current state, is not a healthy place. Fun times are often merely distraction from the crushing reality around us. It hurts to accept how much hurt there is right now.

I'm not saying it's all on the shoulders of Therians. I'm not saying you have to quit your job or your school and run off into the wild picking up every piece of litter and chaining yourself to trees. That's not what this post is about.

This post is about the increase of Therians and my personal hypothesis as to why there's so many now. And it's as simple as this. One Therian does not shoulder all the burden of the earth. Just as one human does not. But if there are Therians in schools, going "hey look at this little/big guy isn't he cute/cool" showing their friends and classmates"it's so sad he's going extinct because his home is being destroyed" , Therians on trails, streets, beaches seeing litter and using just a little bit of their time to remove at least some of it. Therians in stores refusing to buy certain products because of animal cruelty/testing, Therians manifesting/praying to help even if it's just a little bit, Therians on the Internet/TV spreading awareness, Therians in government actually trying to do what's best for the environment and the people, instead of just what's best for their bank account etc etc.

In reference to that horrible math stuff, a million ones together doesn't equal nothing. No matter how small an act it still adds up to something. Therians everywhere means more people who can't forget, who can't move on, who can't just shutdown and hope for the best. People who feel like they have to do something. So they don't eventually see themselves disappear (go extinct).

The universe and the earth can sometimes have a funny way of balancing things out. Maybe Therians are one way to at least try regaining that balance.

I'm overjoyed to see more Therians. Because I feel like more Therians means more voices for nature, and more chances to save this beautiful planet ☺️✨🌍🌎🌏💚

Anyway that's my two cents. Sorry this post ended up being longer than I intended 😅

And now my fascinating and fantastic creatures, great and small, furry, feathered, scaled or whatever-ed, and all others of open mind who took time to read my ramblings, I wish upon you a most glorious day/night. May we all follow our hearts/souls to do what we feel we can for this magnificent planet. ✨

👁️🪽✨🌟🌱❄️🪻🍀🌎🍄🌹💚🌍🌵🌈⛈️🌠🦊🐁💙

Till next time

#nonhuman #nature #otherkin #therian #therianthropy #stop therian hate #alterhuman #alterhuman community #kintypes #Therians For Nature #otherkin thoughts #alterhuman things #faerie kin #fae kin #Fae kin thoughts #Therian love

[luxxuriantt]

The journey of 2023 Wonder how 2023 will change you? Choose below.

Pile one- Are you healed or just distracted? nine of sw, ace of wands, the kight of cups, the six of wands Either in 2022 or at the moment reading this, you struggled with anxiety or depression. I think this pile was not feeling good enough or they were too scared about what the future holds. You may have wished to experience more, to accomplish more, some situation in your life, were causing too much worry and keeping you from a good nights sleep. A cluttered and overstimulated mind, overthinking every little moment and being overly judging of your every step. I overall see lots of anxiety,exhaustion and worries. If this is the case, then pile one, 2023 is going to be your phoenix year. I see you regaining your will and your spark, you will take life in your hands again and start living it to the fullest. Through out the year, i see most of you exploring new horizons and making bold moves. Someone is going to start a new hobby or a job that they enjoy and for some i see relocation or starting college/university. Pile one, you will start taking more care of your body, paying more attention to your habits, diet and physical activity, this leading to you really glowing up. This year will make you become more creative and expressive, if you do make art, you will show it more, and for the others, you wont hold back in being yourself and doing/saying what comes to you naturally. Lmao i also feel like this group will put themselves out there and actually attract suitors and possibly some fun affairs and one night stands. Ypu may meet a future romantic partner. At the end of the year you will like you really succeeded,you are now bold, unapologetic, confident and glowing. pile two- Good news the queen of pentacles, the ace of swords,the eight and nine of pentacles

Talk about making money pile two lmao. This upcoming year, is gonna make you really focused on your career, on your studies, self worth and health. I do believe that a major lesson you will learn is what real confidence and self worth feel like. I do feel as tho many of the people who will choose this pile have confidence, but it is not coming from the inside, rather from external validation, so in 2023, you will start feeling comfortable in your own skin, and it is not going to matter with whom you are and where you are. Your mindset for a lot of things will change, you wont come from a space of lack anymore, you will start realizing what you have and feel more grateful. This will lead to more opportunities and it will be muuuch more easy for you to receive the universes blessings. Many will start loving their physical body, start taking more care of it. Skin and hair care, healthy diet and sleeping schedule, outfits that suit your tone and body, being picky with whom you share the space and energy, all that good stuff. Now like i said, there will be a lot of focus on your career and studies and basically anything material or practical that is important for you, so expect promotions, rewards, high scores and recognition. The year itself, i dont feel like it will be a smooth ride, there might be periods of isolation or losses/ feeling lonely, but i dont see you giving up or stopping. You will definitely come into more money and some may even go on vacation or buy something nice that has always been on their mind. At the end of the year, you will feel much more secure and more proud, you will achieve your plans and you will be pleased for reaching your full potential.

Pile three- If you have a tumblr... the death ,the hierophant , the queen of swords and six of swords

This year will change you....internally, a total internal metamorphosis. I think that right now you are carrying many opinions and beliefs that are blockers in your life, they are stopping you from moving forward and being completely in sync with the God in you, you still are not aware of the depths of you and your power. I feel like there is a part of you that is buried underneath and you havent gone thru an ego death. Either some events will happen to you or you will witness something that might shatter your world. Something will happen that will push you to change from your roots. There are some limitations in your thinking process that put you in a box, or somehow limit your being, it almost feel like you arent trusting yourself and are holding back. What will happen is, you will change yout perspective and start viewing the world differently. You will strenghten your relationship with the divine and you will preach what you believe in. Its like purification of the mind, seeing the bigger picture and finding the truth. After this, pile three, you will be unstoppable. Your mind will no longer be clouded easily and i think you will move on from reocuring thoughts or patterns and finally let go. i get a little sad when typing this but believe me in the end you will be grateful.I also feel like i should tell you that you are protected, so dont worry about it.

Thats all, thank you for your attention <3

#pick a pile #pick a card #pick a picture #tarot reading #intuitive tarot reading #tarot

[ganondoodle]

since seeing a post from a mutual yesterday i was thinking about how grateful i am that i can now, confidently say something like -im taking demise away from nintendo- or -hes MY character now- while knowing that the people following me will understand that thats not actually possible and also i dont mean that literally literally (duh)

bc (while i have mentioned it in the past and im not trying to fish for sympathy with this, the memories ... and trauma really does come back every now and then) there were people once that imagined i said that about a popular character in the fandom i was in when i was a teen and proceeded to try (and nearly succeeding bc i was already struggeling alot with depression, anxiety and undiagnosed autism) to bully me into killing myself; perhaps it wasnt their actual goal, but the shit they did (alot of them were adults too), was absolutely insane, but i've only been able to see that wayyyy after the fact

like even if im remembering wrong and i did word it wrong or weird or in a way that was easily misunderstood, i was a teen, with english not as my first language and it still was some fandom shit that ultimately did not matter and never in any scenario warrented that level of harrassment, i dont even think i ever told my parents bc i thought i had to deal with it alone since i 'caused' it too and since then just ... wanting to forget it ever happened

while i am much, much better now, and slowly learning to manage my mental health struggles too, i do wonder just .. how much of how i am today was shaped by that horrible experience, like the way i overly try to pre-apologize and put doubts on every thought i write out, or the panic i feel when something does go outside my usual range (mostly twitter really ..) was immensely worsened by that .. among stuff i probably dont even realize

funnily enough, i made my account on tumblr to try and flee from all that was happening to me (even if they did stalk me at first .. even here) and hey, im still here :D

i guess what im trying to say is, i am very happy to still be here, i am grateful to be able to be myself, even with its downsides, even with my problems, even if the things i do are passable at best, even if i will never "make it big", even if i am annoying at times, even if i do mistakes still, even if i am .... horribly bad at replying to the awesome people that message me-

there are, at least a few people, who enjoy, or even care, or heck, even think about what i draw and write, which is .. still mind boggling to me and i might never be able to truly believe its all real, there are people who are able to see beyond my flaws, forgive me if i do missstep or overreact, and just be aware that even with everything i share about me, there is lots you dont know that may inform why i feel a certain way about something, but thats okay, i am human, i am here, there are people who enjoy my brainworms, and perhaps even think i, as a person, am nice

i am so grateful for that

some things are good

#ganondoodles talks #random #tw suicide mention #again i realyl dont mean to try and bait for sympathy or sth #but some things do remind me of these awful things #and remind me also how far i got #even if it ultimately doesnt matter #it matters to me #and it might matter to you #and that it matters to you matters to me #thank you #i almost replied in a jokey way about this to the mutuals post in question #but then wondered if perhaps that would be a little much #but then i kept thinking about this #and well #its late again and it suddendly all came back #so i had to write a little #also fuck deviantart #no further context needed in these shitty times

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

i'm on my aspd izaya bullshit again but like. thru this lens, isnt his arc a perfect encapsulation on how aspd negatively affects the person that has it? even to this day, many professionals do not believe that pwASPD suffer from aspd. like at all. to the point where aspd was specifically listed as an outlier to the "patient distress is what defines a disorder" rule in an abnormal psych textbook

(see why i don't respect the field?)

but... he does suffer! a lot! like- remember his speech to mikado at the end of the first arc? how you need to keep evolving, keep changing in order to escape the mundane? how you have to keep going and going and going, wether it be aiming high or low?

yeah. normal people don't need to do this, izaya. you are a broken person.

but why SHOULD he be content with the mundane? the things people usually have that make them content with daily life- friends, family, a purpose, a distinct lack of extreme chronic boredom that drives you to do completely insane shit- izaya doesn't HAVE any of that!

"wait, chronic boredom?" i hear yall thinking. maybe. "isnt that an adhd thing?"

more than one disorder can have the same symptom. theres like a billion that have "want to die" as a symptom. but i dont really blame you for not knowing, its not talked about much

studies have shown that aspd and adhd are both problems with the dopamine receptors in the brain. more specifically, adhd is a chronic deficiency of dopamine, whereas with aspd, when you DO get dopamine, your brain gives you quardruple the normal amount.

studies have ALSO shown there to be a sort of... adhd to aspd pipeline. the story goes like this: you have a kid with adhd. maybe they're born like that, maybe the symptoms developed from trauma (which can happen? apparently??) anyway. kid gets abused. kid develops conduct disorder as a result of that abuse, as a natural extension of the existing adhd symptoms. they're MORE impulsive, which leads to them hurting others- and if it sets off the dopamine receptors, an abused kid starving for happiness and power is gonna chase it, no matter what. theyre like, six, they dont know anything about like. morality. all they know is, theyre sad and this makes them happy. anyway kid never gets treated, abuse continues to exasperate the symptoms, and now you have an adult with aspd, AND the original adhd diagnosis! and ptsd, which is HIGHLY comorbid with aspd! and probably another personality disorder, because you're actually statistically more likely to have two of them!

anyway! that's ONE of the ways aspd can develop from trauma, which it is Known To Do.

does any of that sound pleasant to go through? at all?

let me ask you a question:

imagine you aren't getting dopamine. maybe it's your adhd. maybe you're depressed. either way, you try to get it any way you can. wether it's throwing yourself into a hobby or a job, so the sense of satisfaction gives you dopamine, or something like drugs or gambling.

now, imagine that "rush" you felt. was Four Times Stronger.

wouldnt that compel you to do increasingly dangerous and risky shit, just to feel okay? imagine if you had no friends. imagine if this was your only way to be happy. wouldnt you, eventually, stop caring about others and only care about yourself? after all, other people have thinga like friends and a family that you don't have. they have a fallback. you only have this.

and you might say, "i'd never do that!" but every addict says that, and most eventually cross that line out of sheer desperation. and this? effectively makes you into a dopamine addict. which is dangerous! you can't just STOP... gettng dopamine....! it's necessary! but you have no help so you keep doing what youre doing. (and how could you get help? its baked into the system that people like you don't suffer. why try if youll just get burned?

anyway, back to izaya.

he's lonely. he has one friend and he sucks. he feels compelled to do these things even though he KNOWS it'll hurt him.

i stole this screenshot from some1 who insulted my friend once for something stupid <3 die

but it illustrates my point very well! does it look like he has much control over things?? he sure like to ACT like he does, but at the end of the day, he doesn't, really. he ends up spiraling more and more, doing increasingly risky and rash things, just to get his end goal... which is to die and ascend to the afterlife. a lofty goal.

aiming high, isn't he? a final, spectacular evolution.

or, it should have been.

but it wasn't.

izaya's impulses and deep desire to continue becoming more and more drastic, coupled with his lack of personal ties to anyone that could keep him from doing so....

it didn't make him ascend. it left him in a wheelchair, with chronic pain that will last his whole life.

THAT is where mental illness takes you. it doesn't make you a hollywood psychopath, reveling in the destruction you chose, of your own free will, wholly and truly, to cause. it makes you want More. no matter what, you need More. you see people content with lives worse than yours, everyone bound together with some sort of invisible thread, some sort of tie that keeps them together. a thread that missed you. your brain refuses to see people as people, thus you remain lonely forever, unsatiafied wirh company other than the superficial, because it's fun. that's all you're allowed to care about. an endless cycle of bigger and bigger actions, impulses slowly getting worse--

--and the worst part is, it tricks you into believing you ever had a choice. it tricks everyone into believing you had a choice. your suffering is worse than disregarded, to all the people you look at from your apartment, all the people you wish you could have been like.

it's nonexistant.

#durarara #izaya orihara #orihara izaya #🔥🔥 BE FUCKING NORMAL ABOUT ASPD ON THIS POST OR I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL BECOME THE JOKER ON YOUR ASS 🔥🔥 #waposts #we r back with classic waposting complete w too many parentheses and paragraph breaks #peace and love on planet tumblr

[boxheadpaint]

no amount of medication will make me not start clawing my own head from the persistent vacuum-like hum outside. can make a diary post though.

took monitor off today, the skin under one patch was totally fine but the skin under the other seems to have had a less good time. that left patch was the itchier of the two, but i wonder what the exact difference was. can take a normal shower again though so im just not gonna worry about it. need to build up the resilience again to block out the heart palpitations too. i want nothibg more than to lay down and curl in until my chest doesnt feel so tight against the beating.

small things have gotten under my skin lately, mostly having to do with my surface computer. its always been a fickle beast to use, but lately its just seemed more like a chore. the back panel that i could use to prop it up has broken off, and my brain still thinks something is wrong with the pen cursor position no matter how many times i calibrate it. this mostly affects how i draw in ms paint, which is immensely frustrating and confusing.

i wish i wasnt so tired. theres things i want to do, genuinely i want to clean the living room or store things away or talk to my friends but i am just so so so exhausted physically and it doesnt go away no matter what i do or how much sleep i get. i keep having upsetting thoughts and struggling against thinking about them and how i affect others. i have Barely drawn the past... idk, few? two weeks? i drew something yesterday for the absol stream and i scribbled in my sketchbook but they were barely anything and still took great effort to just Not Fuck It Up.

i dont want to avoid it but i dont want to talk about it either. all i want is to feel at Least alright again. but instead i feel like a damn boulder, or a bunch of brittle sticks. id like to think that actually yes an extended depressive episode can be brought on by allergies and if i took a benadryl id suddenly feel like myself again. And probably also fall asleep but thats allergy meds for you.

4/9/2024, Well Watever

#diary

[moxielynx]

@whatudottu hihihihiiiii so ur ramblings about tetrax has me wanting to talk about tetrax cause i will take any opportunity to talk about him

d-23 tetrax is cool even if he didnt speak much in the episode, honestly d-23 ben deserved to be smacked around a little (/J /J that kid is like 13 😭), the twist that they were actually the good guys this whole time was great, especially since sixsix was also working with azmuth, which was a nice perspective

i like to imagine that d-23 tetrax is actually a total sweetheart and didnt actually like fighting ben since ben is just a dumb kid who doesnt know any better (even if he is a stubborn brat)

im pretty certain that petropia in the reboot is perfectly fine because for a while Vilgax wasnt. Vilgax, so he couldn't have hired Tetrax to steal whatever that crystal was from petropia then destroy it, so reboot tetrax is just what happens as a result of Tetrax not facing the consequences of his actions so now he's a MEANIE!!! but the dad instinct is still there judging from the way he interacts with Ben in "Mutiny for the Bounty"

as much as i prefer classic tetrax i really like that they went with a completely different approach with reboot tetrax, and like it makes sense too considering theres no way petropia would be destroyed in the reboot as well if vilgax couldnt do it (if petropia were to also get destroyed in the reboot then that would be so funny cause that basically means the planet is fucked no matter what 💀💀), its really cool to see that this might be what tetrax was like before working for vilgax and makes me really think about how different each version of tetrax is, and only makes me even more depressed that we never got prime tetrax in Omniverse, especially since there could've been so many moments where tetrax could've showed up

classic tetrax obviously isnt as cruel and uncaring as we see in the reboot or as he said when he was telling ben about his backstory because if he really didn't care as much but was like "okay this is fucked up i need to get my act together" then he wouldn't have looked so distraught watching his planet fall

i refuse to acknowledge the change in reaction in uaf tho cause it fucking SUCKED they cant just turn him into this stoic fucking guy after he literally shows up and shakes ben like a rattle, that and also they obviously didnt gaf about his backstory cause in the og backstory you can tell petropia's destruction was YEARS, probably decades ago cause he had those back spikes and even a different outfit but in the uaf version its just the same exact model THEY DONT CARE ABOUT TETRAX LIKE I DO!!!!!!

uaf tetrax made me so sad because i was already insane about the idea of dadtrax because of Secret of the Omnitrix, but when tetrax first showed up in uaf he picked up ben and for some reason my first thought was "omg is he going in for a hug" only to have that ripped away from me when he just straight up starts shaking ben around like a ragdoll 😭like imagine you dont see a guy for like 6 years, last time you saw him he helped you save the world/galaxy, and the first thing he does is fucking shatter you for no reason (or at least appears to be no reason), and all you get from it is a "sorry but i had no time to explain", like thats crazy, the REAL tetrax would never harm ben that is his SON !!!!!!!! and then after the single episode we had of tetrax and even petropia we just. never see him or the planet ever again. like we could've had so much world building for petropia and they decided to just throw it out like it was nothing

tetrax is genuinely such a cool character and its horrible how underutilized he is in every show, like yeah he was in 2 (technically 3 counting the reboot) movies but that doesnt really make up for how little we really saw him, especially since like i mentioned earlier prime tetrax wasnt even in OV which is probably the biggest missed opportunity in history, and the strangest part about it is that we got plenty of episodes exploring different planets and even a whole other system (galactic monsters special) so it was literally the perfect opportunity to write an episode about petropia and how its holding up

also never apologize 2 me about rambles, especially rambles about tetrax, i fucking LOVE reading people's silly little thoughts on things they like :3

#tetrax makes me sooooooo crazy #ouuggghhhh i love him sooooo much #dont let my harsh criticisms of the various tetraxes fool you im still very much in love with all of them and would absolutely kiss them al #i just love classic tetrax more <3333333 #also can we talk about how tetrax's hoverboard is just never fucking used again #cause in “destroy all aliens” tetrax very much gave ben a new one #and it just never appears ever #tetrax doesnt even use one in the one appearance he had in uaf #strange. #ben 10 #ben 10 classic #ben 10 alien force #ben 10 ultimate alien #ben 10 uaf #ben 10 omniverse #ben 10 reboot #tetrax shard #ben 10 tetrax #rambles #lynx posting

[whiskersz]

Hi there! I know you said matchups were closed but if you dont mind, Id like to send this in, just so I dont forget haha. If you dont wanna, its fine, feel free to delete my ask, or save it until you do reopen them, I just wanted to send one now because im forgetful and heard nothing but good things from my friend. <:) sorry to be a bother, once again, feel free to delete if I am bothering you

Im Ace, I go by she/they pronouns, Im bi, and stand at a height of 5'3.

I'm an introvert with anxiety and depression, but I am SUPER energetic and silly when you get to know me. I can be playfully mean, but i'm always there to help a friend in need. I get riled up pretty easy but Ive been told im very sweet and helpful and fun to be around.

Im chaotic and kinda delusional, and I can be flirty at times. I can also get a bit violent.

I think it says a lot about me seeing as I see Angel Dust as a big brother figure. I can be very sly at times and definitely impulsive.

Im creative and both really smart and really dumb, and Im mostly a coward unless it comes to friends and/or family

Im very sarcastic, playful, and affectionate, and I have no trouble saying I love you to people, but I do have trouble saying im sorry. Im also a people pleaser. I definitely dont make enemies but I do hold grudges. Im also super emotional and clingy. Daddy issues go BRRRRR

Thank you! Sorry again, hope im not being a bother.

Hello Ace!! Don’t worry, I don’t mind the occasional additional matchup! Do thank your friend from me for speaking well of my stuff, I appreciate that lots :3

Now, you seem to have quite the explosive personality, if you will >:3 So I match you with...

Cherri Bomb!!

To start off, Cherri is surely an individual who can take jokes, so you’re never going to have to be afraid to be a bother for her with your sarcastic and playful remarks as she will actually find this part of your personality hilarious, and will always play along and joke back.

She will definitely take advantage of your cluelessness sometimes – don’t call yourself dumb! – and tease you for it, though if she goes too far it’s not a problem for her to remind you that she was just joking and that she actually finds it really cute.

Cherri loves hanging out with fun people, so you being fun to be around is certainly a vantage point here. She’s not afraid of admitting when a person is boring and not of her liking, but I have the feeling that she would think the exact opposite of you. in fact, it’s not uncommon for her to invite you along whenever she hangs out with Angel.

You’re creative? She loves that about you. I imagine her house as one of those houses full of pop art paintings, handmade things and such. No matter how you express your creativeness, she will appreciate it and place something you made in plain sight somewhere around the house.

She also adores how expressive you are in a relationship; there’s many gestures that she finds attractive, but none goes above being proud of a partner and constantly reminding them that you love them, so when you do this with her she will waste no time and kiss you.

She doesn’t mind you being clingy at all, also. She actually finds it very cute and she loves receiving physical affection, so who is she to say no to a hug or a cuddle? If you’re into PDA just as she is, she’ll be thrilled to show each other affection in public, also to show others how lucky she is that she gets to date you.

Despite being quite chaotic herself, Cherri is also a very good friend and partner when it comes to comforting you; as seen in the “Addicted” music video, she’s willing to help Angel with his struggles, so why wouldn’t she do so with you as well? She understands that everyone has moments where anxiety overwhelms them too much, and that people who struggle with depression like you don’t have it easy every day, so in these times she will offer you all the support that you need. Mainly through physical contact, but also in other ways if you prefer being shown love through actions or words, for example.

You two might come across a bit of a problem if you ever end up arguing; she’s also not easy to get a ‘sorry’ out of, but one of you will have to apologize to the other sooner or later. I feel that if the relationship has been going on for a while, this will be easier, but at the start you two might have to take a bit of time alone before ultimately coming to the conclusion that yes, you do love each other and yes, apologizing if you’re in the wrong is the better option if you desire a happy relationship.

Overall, you and Cherri make quite the chaotic and fun couple! The rest of the Hotel loves having you two around when you visit, you definitely bring an air of fun and excitement.

#hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin x reader #hazbin hotel matchups #hazbin hotel matchup #cherri bomb #cherri bomb hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel cherri bomb #matchup #matchups #hazbin matchup #hazbin matchups

[ultrableating]

dear tumblr ,,⋋(•◇•)⋌,,

thank you so much for all the support on my top surgery fundraiser, whether it's donating, reblogging or just staying patient with while i boost the link multiple times. which i am going to keep doing! it's no understatement that this is the single biggest positive thing that's happening in my life, and the time i need your help most. so i'm making my voice heard as much as i possibly can to spread the word, and i appreciate all your help with it. it makes me feel loved as a person and not as a bunch of posts on a dashboard, i've been getting pretty isolated because of mental health stuff so even the small connection we have from your act of goodwill is really meaningful to me

i've been ok, mostly putting in work on my masters degree, although some of the 'work' included having a massive breakdown from months of burnout, and i'm currently in the middle of trying to get an extension and rework a large part of my project. mostly this is due to the subject matter of my work having had a lot of loaded cultural and personal themes, which, when being forced to think about nonstop for two years, while also moving in with the family member who is the source of a large part of all the trauma of it, was just too much. taking a stance to axe the project in its current form was hard and made me feel like a quitter but now i feel relief and realize it was an act of self love as well

so i'm trying to recover from that and see a way forward to a project i would like doing, but it's hard when your circumstances have left you this depressed. i'm also trying to become more mindful of the way i use social media because when i'm anxious i fall very easily into the numbness sink of scrolling social media just to avoid thinking... i've stared a daily list of Ten Things That Happened That Day That Didn't Happen On The Internet, although i never get to ten, and i dont think even pre-internet leon would have gotten to ten, but it's good to aim high and take notice even of the little things. maybe to some people this comes naturally but i have to be very deliberate about it. i think this article sums up how im starting to feel about the internet rn

i've cut most personal spending down as much as possible to save up to my top surgery, so i have to find fun things to do that don't cost money. i'm trying to sew because my partner knows a lot about it and can teach me (i'm currently trying to engineer the perfect underwear, weird hobby but it's actually an amazing dysphoria-buster because most store bought underwear that fits my ass is so feminine, to be able to make a piece of something so intimate be so personal is, omg, an act, of, omg, self love). i've also sold off some things to help save for my top surgery and doctor visits, i'm trying to not get rid of anything i will really miss but it's also an enjoyable feeling to imagine the item disappearing as it becoming a permanent part of my history and of my sexy flat boy body (~o_o)~

if i end up having some free time outside of my masters degree, my current dream project is making pixel assets. i think with all the cases of my art getting stolen and used without permission it would actually be really cool to put something together specifically for public use. i miss kaoani and flower banners and stuff. i dont know if i can ever make something so saccharinely cute and tidy but if anything it's a nice space to visit

did you miss me coming to tumblr to make long winded posts about nothing? hopefully when twitter falls we will all be on here reading each others paragraphs, hopefully i'll have more going on in my life and can write even longer ones. here is a nice drawing, and a link to the fundraiser once again :)

https://gofund.me/958124b6

#pppepep

[ye-local-simp]

hihijust saw your request is open and here i am! (hope you’re doing alright! dont forget to stay hydrated or youll diedrated) anyways i want to request a reader being so tall, taller than malleus! basically i want to see them reacting a reader or an s/o having the height and personality of a fatui mirror maiden from genshin! (hehe sorry i just simp for tall women) if thats okay with you that is if not you can ignore this!

also characters!:

idia, malleus, leona, floyd and jade (hehe basically the tall boys)

[S/o like a mirror maiden]

[IDIA,MALLEUS,LEONA,FLOYD,JADE]

Idia:

-Congrats, you remind of so and so character!

-Suprised how he even got you, he definitely thinks he got lucky which does sometimes cause insecurities within the relationship.

-But what he loves about you is how strong you are emotionally.

-You could actually stay strong for even depressing things which is a good trait if you would ever be with Idia.

-It's just that he is always so bad at comfort, plus it's normally the other way round, him needing comfort.

-But get me wrong, he would definitely comfort if you need it.

Malleus:

- You actually came as a shock to him.

-He actually doesn't see many people who are taller than him, actually anyone for that matter.

-Malleus actually tells you things though, like how he feels which is great honestly.

-Like telling you, you are perfect or strong etc.

-Even though as a mirror maiden you are strong, Malleus is still a lot stronger but he doesn't gloat it though.

-He actually think you have potential to be great mage.

-But if you don't want to be, he won't force, he is aware its not the 1800s anymore.

Leona:

-Yes he is surprised that you are very tall, but is he too surprised, no.

-He has definitely met many people who are taller and maybe even stronger than he is.

-But he doesnt actually express this, he just does the usual, pretends not to care about anything.

-not that he minds you being taller or stronger, he doesn't feel emasculated in any way.

-Mostly since he was raised to be respectful and treat women as equals.

Floyd:

-Also another person, who doesnt see many people taller than him.

-He thinks your water power is pretty neat for a person who isnt merfolk sonce most of the best water mages are merfolk or water fae.

-He also thinks you are super pretty, even though back in the coral sea, he has seen many mermaids.

-One thing that he loves to do for you is bring you gifts despite Azul's complaints and protests that he was missing work or spending too much.

Jade:

-Jade is actually also shocked about your height but he actually still has the mental capacity to quickly overcome the shock.

-What he more shocked about is your hydro power.

-He also sees your beauty and loves to remind you that you are pretty.

-Like his brother, Jade loves to do for is bring you gifts.

-However unlike his brother, he still manages to spend less for a good quality gift and finish all his work.

-He does have his ways

#twisted wonderland #twst #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #twisted wonderland fluff #twst scenarios #twst fluff #twst headcanons #floyd x reader #jade x reader #leona x reader #malleus x reader #idia x reader

[vanillaxoshi]

Boom badabim bada pow

Welcome to septuplet au! Also now called injuries matter au

Where i make the elements into siblings but despite this being done but a bunch of people let me make this my way or-

Maybe a similar way ig

What you see above is Cahaya and daun

There aint no way Cahaya will become just fine after being hit on the head and the abdomen or gut by a giant hammer and flew thhrough metal floors? Ceilings? (I know this happened to boi but dont drag him into this. this is also a septuplet au he aint included but dont u dare get ideas👹👹👹)

And he got thrown to space twice, very high or low temperature causes dead cells and stuff (welcome decayed skin)

So- yeah, he got into a longer coma so to speak, perhaps the actual logic into this is death but lets not get into that and just do 2-3 months folks

According to google said symptoms for frontal lobe damage are:

Weakness on one side of the body or one side of the face, Falling, Inability to solve problems or organize tasks, Reduced creativity, Impaired judgment, Reduced sense of taste or smell, Depression, Difficulty controlling emotions, Changes in behavior, Low motivation, Poor attention span, being easily distracted, Reduced or increased sexual interest, Odd sexual habits, Impulsive or risky behavior, Trouble with communication

And vocal chords get damaged with cold temperature so-

Kk, hes not completely incapable as he heals overtime(note: not completely), but trauma with the dark :> oh how will that help if he doesnt sleep well :)

(he uses sign language if he needs to stop speaking)

ALRIGHT moving on to air

Dude got his arm melted off by roktaroka i think thats his name, which very much hurt because lava, is still slow, which meant it was slow and painful, and with it being put on ice immediately (yes this situation summoned ais) it left quite a huge mark

And he also cant keep the ice hand for so long so bros ambidextrous just uses left the most now, might have trauma from long distance attacks and perhaps hot temperatures, so you could say api is trying his best for air and that goes the same for air to api

LETS GO DAUN

Yes he gains a type of inferiority complex so he has to be included and does his best, but not only that, he gains lightning scars from kirana, on his hands, so he has trouble controlling those hands

They will randomly end up shaking sometimes, and randomly drop as in become paralyze, this resulted to a lot of things to become broken, and this is where daun feels bad for gaining this problem, and at times might hurt like theres still lightning striking him

OF COURSE petir feels bad and blames himself for getting caught like that haha-

Bro also got caught or kidnapped three times he blames himself for repeating that situation a lot.

ANGIN well, i know the fandom makes him love yaya's cookies, but imma be honest here, those things basically drugged him into drugging everyone, he for sure gained fear of those cookies. That made him out of it

Buuuuut what if as well he has a temptation to eat it at times, despite his whole mind not wanting to, so when he does end up eating it he becomes nauseous and vomits :)

API doesnt like seeing fear in peoples faces but that never washes away bc of his anger issues that causes people to be afraid so lets go low self esteem-

Tanah wants his brothers to be more better so thats why he shoves all responsibility onto himself but that also causes trauma!!!

Hes so afraid of losing them that he became very strict which causes to some arguments but he also tries his very best to look tough and be more capable, but there are times where its obvious like with movie 2, api and air try their best to help him despite him pushing them away and being in denial. Gopal was the one who did end up calming everyone down

Angin is the one who sees him always and is always the one who conforts him

Petir feels even more down knowing that hes the oldest and that he should be the one to take that burden of responsibility.

And yeah i might add more but who knows

#boboiboy #boboiboy galaxy #rambles #thoughts #bbb septuplet au #boboiboy petir #boboiboy angin #boboiboy tanah #boboiboy api #boboiboy air #boboiboy daun #boboiboy cahaya #yes trauma #bbb injuries matter au

[mourninglamby]

its actually cool to see people dissect minecraft roleplay like this, like to me yeah it was just a block game but the dark subjects matters just intertwined in a way that made it very... strange? i guess?

i feel like to really get it you have to have a certian amount of respect for the story and medium but also scorn of it, like i have sooo many problems with how things went in a million different ways, but i also think that when it worked it worked wonders. so its interesting to me for someone to dig deeper then the surface and really see it for what it was objectively

i hate that its attatched to the minecraft youtuber fandom in general because for the majority of time i was wathcing I was soley in it for a story, I dont think i even checked out a non story realated stream until like... june of that year

and i hate dream but like you said him being there and playing such a character just ads to the levels of weirdness and rawness

c!tommy got me through a dark dark time in my life, esp exile. I dealth with abuseful neglect and manipulation all my life, and i was in deep bouts of depression when those streams were coming out. but literally seeing a character portray such a raw and ugly realality of those things and yet still get back up again was comforting and cathartic

to me it was the colaboration between actor and audience that really made it unlike anything else, and also what really led to its destruction. but im glad it was there when i needed it

This is well said anon and I’m so sorry you went through something like that. Dsmp found me at a very terrifying time in my life in regards to trauma. I don’t want to get into it just as I’m sure you don’t either, but when youve been a victim of abuse, you gain a perspective that nobody else has. Your mind is permanently altered. We see things that might not be as easy to detect let alone digest for those who havent experienced that reality. or even people who are currently working through that trauma who don’t understand how to deal with it or approach it yet. And that’s not good nor bad. It just is.

I think it’s. Hard. It’s very hard to talk about. And it’s by design! I definitely agree some of the performances were amazing but with very little consideration for what to do next or how to conclude those arcs, things got messy quickly and I think they relied on their dogmatic rabid fans to deflect any serious criticism of that. And I expected them to! I expect people who tread dangerously to know what they’re doing, but they didn’t know what they were doing. That became clear to me very quickly.

And ya it is still very important to me as well… I have never seen myself in another victim in fiction quite as well as I have c!tommy. And I have found so many like minded people that I cherish and love so much. I just got back from hanging out with someone who I got close with online during dsmp! So as disgusting and scary as the community was, yes, I am also very glad it was here when I needed it. Because I needed it.

I hope we can all continue to heal from these experiences and move on to make/consume kinder art together 🌈💫💗

(Oh also I didnt/don’t(it’s complicated) care about the real people either. I actually was so detached I believed dsmp was all they did! It’s crazy how much of a second thought a lot of this was in hindsight. Which is both infuriating and worrying)

#abuse cw #long post #dsmp #adding main tag so ppl can filter it out if they don’t wanna see dsmp on this acc