#but then I got all sentimental at the fact it's 20 years and made this in an hour | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

haespoir · 10 months

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never not: ldh.

⨯ pairing: ex!haechan x reader

⨯ word count: 2.7k

⨯ summary: you broke up with haechan for your own selfish reasons. it's been nearly two years. surely he's moved on, right?

⨯ warnings: alcohol, ex/enemies to lovers maybe? open ending? angst!!

⨯ playlist: never not, lauv / phases, prettymuch / 2soon, keshi

⨯ extra content: part two

⨯ a/n: ty @m-arkmywords for giving me this idea and dealing with my incurable haechan brainrot these past few days <3333 feedback is always greatly appreciated 🩵

. . .

You stare at the mirror in your room blankly. It’s mocking you. Whatever you were planning to do is a bad idea. And maybe it was, but it had been months since you had gone out to a party thrown by your friends. Mainly because they were also his friends, and while they assured you that you were always welcome, you knew that Haechan did not share those same sentiments. His voice from the numerous voicemails he left you echo in your mind.

“Are you serious? You said that you’d love me forever; you think it’s that easy to let you go?”

“Are you seriously just giving up on us like this? I gave you everything. Every last piece of me.”

“I know it’s over, yet I don’t want to let you go. You’re my gravity. I’m always drawn to you.”

“Fine, I’ll leave you alone. Don’t come crawling back to me.”

You had chalked it down to young love; the two of you had spent the last few years of high school together, and that continued when you went to college. But something snapped your 2nd year and you couldn’t do it anymore. It was scary, growing up and settling down. Too scary. So even if it was a cowardly move, you left him. Of course, Haechan didn’t take it easily. You didn’t expect him to.

It’s not like it was easy for you either. Up until that year, your life revolved around Haechan. In a way that wasn’t healthy. You had spent every waking moment thinking of him. He would get over it; that’s just the type of person he was. He never dwelled on anything for too long, and he never let it get him down.

Unfortunately, you were terribly wrong; Haechan never got over it. Maybe on the outside, but if he was anything, he was a spiteful and prideful person. So he kept a lot of pent-up anger in that little body of his. The first time you had seen him after the breakup was terribly awkward, you didn’t know what to say or how to act. And Haechan was well… pissed. Rightfully so, but you had sworn to avoid any function that he would be at after that.

And you had done a good job of that for the past few months. You had made new friends that weren’t his; you went to parties that he wasn’t at. You lived your life separately from his, and if you had to be honest, this was what you needed. Even if you loved Haechan with every last fiber of your being, you needed time and space from him to become your own person.

Every time you had brought this idea up to him, it ended up in a fight. You don’t know who would start yelling first, who would take the chance to send a low blow. All you knew is that you would end up in tears, and the two of you would be too upset for any conversation after that.

So now, almost two years after your breakup, you think it’s okay to finally attend a party you knew he would be at. You had given him enough time, and Jisung himself had personally requested that you be there. In fact, the text that he had sent you made you miss the younger male so much. He had always been such a sweetheart.

jisung [3:20 pm]: please come to the party tonight jisung [3:20 pm]: just bc haechan got custody after the divorce doesn’t mean you can just never hang out with us jisung [3:21 pm]: we aaaaaaaall miss you jisung [3:21 pm]: (haechan included)

But maybe you shouldn’t have trusted the male so wholeheartedly because the second you get to the party, you’re overwhelmed by the way Haechan doesn’t let you out of his sight once he’s spotted you. And you can tell he’s pissed. He ignores his friends, and his tongue is permanently pressed to his cheek.

However, you can’t deny that he looks good. His hair is longer than you remember it being; it’s swept back to frame his face, and it gives you a full view of how his eyebrows are scrunched together. You assume it’s in anger, and you’re correct. Because pissed is an understatement for how Haechan’s feeling.

He couldn’t believe that you had the nerve, the audacity, to show up to a party that you knew he would be at. You had done a wonderful job of pretending he didn’t exist for two years, so why the hell did you choose to show your face tonight?

Seeing you woke up something in him that he believed died in him long ago. It was like the flip switched. Now don’t get it twisted, Haechan had not fooled himself like you had. He knew that he was never getting over you. Not when he had dedicated most of his adolescent years to loving you. You were all he knew.

Even now, seeing you after months of getting his heart broken, he’s not even sure if he’s truly angry. Hurt? Yes. Confused? Absolutely. But these were all emotions that he didn’t want to explore, not today. So anger welcomes him with open arms, and he happily falls into it. Even so, he doesn’t think he could ever truly hate you.

If anything, he hated how much he wanted to kiss you.

So without warning, he’s walking across the room towards you. His jaw is clenched, and there’s a dent in the red solo cup he’s holding. He doesn’t know what he’s going to do or say, but he just knows that some part of him needs to be near you.

“Why are you here?” His question is direct, and his clipped tone hits you straight in the heart. You have no right to be hurt, you know this. That doesn’t mean you don’t want to cry when his anger is directed towards you. But you would rather die than let him know he had any effect on you. After all, you were just as stubborn and prideful as him.

“I was invited here by our friends,” you bite back, doing your best to seem just as pissed off as he was and making sure to emphasize the fact that they boys were your friends as well. “You don’t own this house, and you surely can’t police me on where I can and can’t go.”

He hates that you’re right. His friends, while they were his friends first, had you known you just as long as he did. Perhaps he was blinded by his heartbreak to not realize that his friends also felt deprived of your presence as well.

But that wasn’t his fault. You were the one who broke it off.

“Cut the bullshit,” he says, fighting back the urge to roll his eyes. You had come to this party to start trouble with him. He was sure of it. “You made sure to avoid everywhere I go like it was the plague for almost 2 years. You can’t expect me to believe that shit now.”

Unlike him, you don’t fight back the urge to roll your eyes. “We’re not doing this here,” you state blandly, grabbing the drink from his hands and toasting him. “Thanks for the drink, by the way.” As quickly as he approached you, you disappeared from his sight. He watches as you walk into the arms of some random person, and he feels his anger skyrocket. God, you were actually infuriating. Even more so because he found that attitude of yours to be so attractive.

He decides to give you this one moment; you could think that you won this argument, but he would be back when he had more alcohol in his system. There was no way he wanted to argue with you sober; he would definitely crumble. As cruel as it was, he wanted to hurt you just like you had hurt him.

. . .

You know it’s not the last of Haechan, not when you provoked him by stealing his drink. Which was disgusting by the way. It would be more convenient to walk around with an entire bottle of liquor than to nurse whatever that concoction was. (If you must know, it was mostly vodka. There was about less than 2% of juice in the cup. He had planned on getting hammered.)

The red solo cup is quickly ditched on a random table, and you find yourself wandering around for a while. It felt odd to be in the presence of your old friends. It’s even more odd when you find yourself in the arms of Na Jaemin himself. The male has a cheeky grin on his lips, shit-eating if you will. He had stolen you away from the party, deciding that the quietness of the backyard was the perfect place for the two of you to catch up. Or attempt to.

“You guys set us up,” you accuse, poking a manicured finger on his chest. He can only laugh, pulling you into a tight hug. He had missed you and your attitude.

“Innocent until proven guilty,” he says, enjoying the way you almost melt in his arms. It had been so long since he had hugged you. When you had broken up with Haechan, Jaemin was the most distraught, as he was arguably closer to you than him. But Jeno had guilted him into ignoring you with something along the lines of ‘bro code,’ and he hadn’t made much of an attempt to ever hang out. You couldn’t blame him; you were a coward too.

“Not funny, Jaem,” you pout, leaning your head on his shoulder as he rocked the two of you back and forth to the muffled music. “You guys didn’t even warn him about me coming. That’s cruel.”

“No, what's cruel is listening to my friend cry over you for almost two years.” Well, he didn’t have to say it like that. “It’s ridiculous. Just talk to him, I swear he is not as immature as he was before.”

“I find that hard to believe,” your words are muffled against his shoulder. With his arms wrapped around you like, it felt like everything would be okay.

“Just trust me,” Jaemin says, pulling away from you. This only results in you whining, chasing the warmth of his body. “I’ll go get us new drinks.”

You can only pout as the man detaches himself from you and disappears into the house. Now you’re left on the bench alone, left to deal with your thoughts. Has Haechan really spent the past two years talking about you? As much as you don’t want to believe this, you know that it was most likely true. Haechan was obsessive and stubborn. He most definitely was hung up on you.

God, you were so stupid to think that he would ever be able to get over you, not to sound conceited. For the longest time, he was all you knew. He knew everything about you; he was there for every cry and laugh. Of course, he couldn't just let you go.

And you couldn’t let him go, no matter how much you lied to yourself.

You had tried going on other dates and seeing other people. But it was difficult. No one understood you like Haechan did. He was irreplaceable.

“So this is where you went.” Why? Why did he choose now to come back? “What? Breaking my heart wasn’t enough? Had to break Jaemin’s too?”

You can only groan at his words; these boys would not give up until you talked it seemed. What a disaster tonight had turned out to be. “Can we not?”

“Well, when can we? Huh?” Haechan is visibly upset. His hair isn’t as neat as it was when you had run into him earlier; you knew that he had spent an astonishing amount of time running his finger through his hair for it to get that messy. He is also much more drunk, you note. You can smell the alcohol on him as he slides onto the bench next to you. “I think right now is the perfect time.”

“You’re drunk.” It’s a simple fact, but it seems that Haechan is unaware of his own state.

“It doesn’t matter.” He’s whining now. Another sign that he was undeniably drunk. He was smothering and affectionate when drunk. It was impossible to deal with him. And he only proves this when his head falls onto your shoulder, his hands quickly seeking out your own in a death grip. He’s got you trapped now.

“Even when we’re broken up my life seems to always revolve around you still,” you mumble, so unbelievably annoyed that the boys had pushed you right into Haechan’s arms. You couldn’t escape him even in your dreams, and apparently, fate seemed hellbent on making you suffer.

“Still?” It’s like something clicks in him, and he’s suddenly sobering up quickly. This was why he was dumped? Because you loved him too much? “What do you mean by that?”

“Nothing.” You want to disappear. You try to pull your hand away, but his grip only tightens. There was no way he was letting you slip away now.

It’s so annoying to Haechan, the way that you’re here physically, but mentally, you’re so far away. You’re avoiding his eyes, and it bothers him so much more than he’d like to admit. His hands are gone from your own and quickly placed on your face; the way he turns your face towards him is rougher than he intends. But he just needs to see you.

“Stop pushing me away.” It’s a demand, not a plea. “I know you don’t mean it.”

“You don’t know me anymore,” you say, doing your best to mean it. Even if you wanted to erase him from your life, Haechan would be the one who knew you the best. Like you were the back of his hand. “So just let me go, please?”

“Why?” He’s getting angry again, you can tell in the way he squeezes your jaw. “You want to go back to your boy toy Jaemin?”

“You’re being ridiculous. You’re going to regret this when you sober up.” You regret this, and you weren’t nearly as intoxicated as him.

“The only thing that’s ridiculous is you thinking you could replace me,” he says, using his grip to pull you closer to him. As much as you try to pull away, Haechan doesn’t let you go. Therefore you’re stuck in this position, a pout forming on your lips. He was too close for comfort. Without warning, he’s diving in and biting at your earlobe. “Does Jaemin know how sensitive your ears are?”

You’re flinching away from his hold, feeling overwhelmed by Haechan being in your personal space. You couldn’t escape him. “Nothing can replace you,” you say quietly, feeling pathetically small in his hold. How could you cave in so quickly?

This is why you had avoided him like your life depended on it for the past two years. Not even 24 hours within his presence, and you were like putty in his hands. He knew exactly what to say and do to make you crumble. After all, no one knew you like Haechan did.

That’s why you find yourself nodding mindlessly to his words, returning the small touches and kisses. You don’t even stop yourself when he pulls you onto his lap, marking up your neck, his hand gripping your thigh. Even though Haechan knows deep down that this isn’t right, he does know that you were destined to be his, and he would stop at nothing to make you his again.

Maybe that’s why you wake up in his bed the next morning, feeling absolutely horrible. His arms are wrapped around your waist, his face buried in your neck. It was like the past two years of avoiding him meant nothing. And it probably did, even if you want to deny it.

You had grown, sure, but you could have grown with Haechan. But it was so scary. Being in love was terrifying. And facing your ex of two years after sleeping with him was just as scary.

So you do what you do best.

You run away.

#nct #nct scenarios #nct scenario #nct imagines #nct dream #haechan #haechan fic #haechan scenarios #haechan angst #nct dream imagines #nct dream fic #nct dream angst #nct 127 fic #nct 127 angst #haechan x #haechan x yn #haechan imagines

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accio-victuuri · 5 months

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11/19/23 updates cpn 🎂🍦🍪

for some reason, today, both of them decided to share on their social media. for wyb, it’s his douyin. for gg it’s weibo + douyin. xzs also posted on their weibo. they didn’t even bother splitting it up like one will post in the morning and the other afternoon/evening. nope. it’s all in the same afternoon.

we were hoping for some 24 hr relay, but these gremlins are like nope. we will just post very closely to each other. for wyb it’s definitely a part of his homework completion. lol. and the fact that he is wearing something evisu related again. how many things did he do during this shoot? 😂 as for ZZ, it seems like he is trying to catch up too? ( douyin stuff are from yuguyao promotion ) nonetheless, we are happy to get stock content.

doing this made them both go on HS. i love seeing their names on HS for stuff like this. (?FYI for wyb it’s more of the “cross dressing” meaning switching clothes.)

now let’s see what else is there….

1. The same use of emojis as captions on there douyin posts as if they really have no time to think of even a word or line to use. lol. tho this kind of caption is not exclusive to them, it’s just nice to see them matching like this on the same day.

2. There are a couple of guesses on what they are “celebrating” today ; what could possibly be the reason for doing this specifically on the 19th.

(p1) it’s wyb’s 105th post on douyin. 10.5 which represents zz’s birthday, so it’s special. that’s why they both posted today. (p2) the day zz shared his japan trip. i think this doesn’t need any more explanation, japan trip cpn is notorious on this fandom. (

(p3 and p4) this one is kind of reaching but it’s one of those 2020 candies that i love and it happened around this time too. 11/18 - 11/19 it was speculated that they spent time together. for those who were here during that time, WYB shared a video (11/20) of him skating and his caption was like i wish i could go skating everyday and then the three dots. WYB loves skateboarding and i don’t doubt that he wishes he can play everyday, but the cpn-colored glasses is wondering if what he is really talking about is skateboarding. or maybe, maybe he was wishing he could spend time with GG everyday or more often. and the three dots, which in turtledom means i miss you just adds fuel to this CPN. The penguin photo was shared by XZ on 11/18 and it’s a piece that people are adding, it is making the heart gesture and could be because XZ is happy to be with WYB.

There is a CPN timeline from that period in 2020 so lemme just refresh people’s memories even if it’s totally irrelevant ( probably ) to this post. I love myself some cpn archaeology. 🔍

11/17 was luoyang opening ceremony so he was kinda busy here but they still got to spend time together. In hindsight, this is very telling, cause there was some heavy speculation that GG was present during Luoyang presscon. If he was there during the opening ceremony for the filming, he might have been introduced to select cast and crew. So it was easier for him to tag along for the press con before the official release cause he knows the people. 11/19 was the release of the wolf and WYB attended the chanel x vogue event. 11/22 GG released a douyin video and we CPN about the curtains and how it’s similar to one of Bobo’s. Again, hotel curtains are not the most reliable measure, i know, but that’s how CPNs work.

11/25, YBO posted alluding to the douban issue of downvoting works. basically manipulating data — look at YBO calling out this practice years before, they know how unreliable DB is. everyone knows. the point is, around this time, The Wolf was getting downvoted by antis.

11/29, an episode of TTXS was aired where WYB said “i can’t give up what i like”. A sentiment that is true in everything he does, from dancing to his other hobbies. No matter how hard it is and even if it seems like everything is against him, he will not give up. The same is true (probably ) with his relationships. 🤍 this episode was filmed 11/22 which was very close to when they allegedly spent time together so the feeling is there ( and there is a whole different cpn for that day too lol ).

In 2019, GG’s Bazaar promo was release where he said that he saw his love in a dream ( i don’t think this needs any explanation ) and 2021 they also posted around the same time and both are transitions.

This is all guess work, they could be posting for the simple reason of KPI or their studios scrambling to get their bosses to be visible online 😂😂😂 BUT THE POINT IS, there seems to be significant things happening during this time and always including 11/19 between them. ✨ It fits the pattern we have been seeing for years.

3. WYB’s 105th post on Douyin and GG’s 1050 post on Weibo. 🤡🤡🤡

4. The use of a light in their hands as an element to their post. For WYB it’s a transition to change clothes and for GGs it’s more of a sunshine/light.

They share the same brain cell. Lol. and BXGs are so good cause there is already an art for it.

5. I love how XZ was like i don’t wanna be doing this while filming the Douyin. goes to show what happens behind the scenes and how similar he & WYB are. in the video, XZ was asking his staff “is this viral?” and they respond with “really viral” and he proceeds to make faces like he can’t believe 🤣🤣🤣 If he only knew, the most random things go viral. and he probably didn’t want to do it cause it had the cute vibe to it.

Similar to WYB, he prefers the cool transitions and he is someone who will not be willing to do a douyin trend. Both of them would rather share things they love like photos of places or their hobbies.

The lyrics for GG’s video is:

oh no oh no i haven’t talked to my baobei

baobei, what are you doing?

muah are you there? are you asleep?

baobei, what are you doing?

why aren’t you replying?”

Going by the theme of the song, missing someone, his baobei who is not replying lol is this a shout out to WYB? 😅

Anyway, it’s being linked to WYB’s post. The whole transition with the phone light he is doing was said to be popular in 2021. There is a couple version, which means two people are doing it and the BGM used is a song i will still miss you.

youtube

Looking at the lyrics, I understand why he didn’t use it and went with the cool tune instead. It’s a bittersweet song and about missing because the couple grew apart. WYB still wants to match the missing theme but probably scrapped it cause GG’s is more on the cute type of missing someone. 🙃

6. Going back to the Japan Trip, their posts seem to echo that time. 11/19/2018.

From WYB’s use of his phone and the shot. To XZ’s most obvious posting on the same day and SAME TIME 🤯🤯🤯

THIS IS WHY JAPAN CPN WILL FOREVER BE RELEVANT!!!!!! Happy 5th anniversary i guess! 💟 Dude I can’t fuckin believe Xiao Zhan did this the fuck he is insane for this.

7. In usual turtle clowning fashion, some of em commented xz or wyb’s photo on their douyin. These might be buried now cause solos are doing the most to make sure the top posts are theirs.

-END.

Disclaimer: this is all CPN. meaning, it is interpretation/speculation from a cpf’s perspective and uses lots of symbolism and past events that are known and understood by cpn-inclined turtles. this is not the place to wash things cause again, it’s all cpn anyway. I don’t make these posts to be picked apart, it is for fun and to enjoy. Okay? Okay. If you wanna complain, do it on your own blog.

#yizhan #bjyx #there is no science here i’m just clowning like i always do #feels so good to go back to fandom #i have been so busy the past days and tired lol #THIS BECAME LONGER THAN EXPECTED CAUSE I CANT KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT LOL #Youtube

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queenendless · 3 months

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🥳🎂🎉GETO B-DAY SHORT🎉🎂🥳

A/n: Yes, it's short.

I just found out about this yesterday. A sequel to Gojo's b-day one I guess.

Sorry I got my mind elsewhere now but here it is regardless.

Already AU established poly satosugu x reader, fluff, yall know the drill.

PLEASE DON'T PLAGARIZE STEAL COPY TRANSLATE AND OR REPOST MY FANFIC WORK. RATHER REBLOG LIKE AND FOLLOW PLEASE AND THNX U.

Your weary sighs were blatantly loud on purpose so he would hear.

His pinched gazing noggin popped out from the bundle of blankets wrapped around him, relaxing on the back porch of your private shared abode.

The puffy pure powder made his raven hair pop out well against the snow.

“Alright what's wrong?”

“How did you know?”

“You’re sighing right in my face. That and you're obviously hiding something behind your back.” Geto knowingly stated, grinning, before patting the space beside him, gesturing you to sit. “Now, what is it?”

You plopped your cheek on his blanketed shoulder, resigned as you handed him a familiar velvet box, embarrassingly admitting to his wry amusement as he opened it up.

“It's a duplicate of the locket I gave Toru on his birthday. They're a matching set. Sorry I couldn't come up with something else for you but I really didn't know what could top it — mmph!”

His giant sculpted hand covered your mouth mid rambling, his almond eyes crinkled with mirth.

“It's perfect.”

You snorted a bit behind his palm, gently pulling his giant hand down with both yours, caressing and playing with his fingers. “Toru said the exact same thing.”

His fingers grasped your chin to tilt your face for him to peck your lips. Your nose. Your eyelids. Just all over your face, in general.

“Because it's pure fact. For it symbolizes the moment Satoru and I realized you're the one we've been waiting for.”

God he has such a way with words.

“Care to help me put it on?”

You did with such care, gasping as he pulled you down right after, falling across his lap, giggling and kicking your feet as his Cheshire grin greeted you with even more kisses peppering all over your bashful face.

“Thank you for the gift, love.” His genuinity made his eyes shine brighter to you.

Your nose brushed his as the early rise of the sun caught your gazes, making your snowy grounds sparkle. “Happy birthday Sugu.”

“Hey! No fair leaving me out of the love fest!”

That familiar raspy voice complained as lean long arms draped across Geto's blanketed shoulders and your cradled form as Gojo plopped down beside him, hair disheveled and pajamas wrinkled but his sleepy smiling face was elevated by the sunrise glow.

“Well old timer? How's 34 treating ya so far?”

“You're a year older, idiot.”

“Ah but Suguru, 30s are the new 20s. At least that's what our precious kids tell me, anyway.”

“You're both still quite knockouts~” Your shy compliment made them both blush red but Gojo laughed heartily.

“Ya see~? Darling’s got the best taste.” Taking the locket in his hand to see it up close with sentiment, Gojo's eyes twinkled, smitten. “She chose us, after all.”

You kissed Suguru's cheek while Satoru kissed the other, nuzzling his beaming face into Suguru who couldn't suppress his soft laughter. “Suguru, thank you. For everything you do.”

“Thank you for your empathy, your support, your guidance.” You confess warmly, smooching him to see him fluster.

“And for being the best partner in all walks of life.” Satoru's thankfulness spoke volumes, kissing him smoldering.

“God you're both sappy.” Suguru's breathy chuckle only elevated how warm and fluttery and thankful he felt inside for you both. “The feeling’s mutual.”

You three spent a while just sitting there, cuddling close together, just taking in the fresh air and the gorgeous start to this special day.

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kazamajun · 2 months

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I read a quote once that was something along the lines of 'if I have to write two characters kissing for you to know that they're in love, I have failed as a writer.' This is a sentiment I not only agree wholeheartedly with, but something that came to mind when wanting to do an analysis of Kazuya's character ending and kazjun's relationship.

We get a bit of environmental storytelling with her picture. It's a beautiful photo, clearly posed for, and lovingly encased in an elaborate pure gold frame. The vibes are expensive, luxurious, and meaningful because he clearly cared enough to have it custom-made since it's got the Zaibatsu's logo on it. Behind the picture frame are two porcelain teacups and a teapot, along with Rochefort Tea, Azucena's coffee and that mixed blend of both. That tells us they frequently have tea and coffee together in his office!

On the first question Kazuya is asked, he is immediately dismissive of it. Asking about Jun however not only gets an immediate physical reaction with the curled fist and him filling the room with electricity, but he goes on to make it explicit that she is the only person in the world that he sees as an equal. She stood up to him over 20 years ago and he never forgot it. And, she's just as strong now if not moreso.

When he throws the trophy, that's him giving a demonstration of this. He's showing her off! He knew she would catch it, and likewise Jun knows that he knew she would, which is why she gives that soft little smile. And his tone when he delivers the "tsuyoi" is... very telling. He not only acknowledges and values her strength but is extremely attracted to it.

There's also the added framing context of this episode, that it's a documentary on him. He just publicly declared to the world that her strength turns him on. Iconic.

It's pretty damn clear that he loves her, not only from all of the above but the fact that he demonstrated it at all in the first place. Kazuya doesn't bother to talk about things he doesn't care about.

#tekken #kazjun #kazujun #meta #imo kazuya's refusal to engage with things he dgaf about cannot be overstated so monologuing about jun was not only significant --#-- but HIGHLY SELF INDULGENT even!! it's so telling!!#anyway circling back to the opening quote; what we got was WAYYY more intimate than if he'd kissed her on the mouth #and vastly more ic for him anyway. it was 100% kazuya being kazuya while also being KAZUYA IN LOVE!#i didn't touch on the marital erasure of the flop english localization bc i wanted to keep this purely analytical in a storytelling sense #btw if you havent seen the takes calling the trophy throw 'abuse' or 'ipv' i envy you. every day ppl choose to be so wrong.

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wavernot4love · 17 days

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wanted 2 make a post about some positive things that happened at iDKHOW Buffalo last night, because there certainly was good in there, for everyone involved, and i want to highlight/talk about that stuff!

i make these posts a lot for shows, mostly for myself so i don't forget, but others seem 2 enjoy them too, and i don't think last night's show should be any exception.

- first of all, OPENING BAND in the crowd!!! something i have never heard of dallon doing for that one before, and all things considered, i fully see why he chose to do it here as it fit the clear vibe of just wanting to be close with and sort of revel in the connection with the crowd - and the ability of that to make everything better.

there were no flamboyant theatrics like with visitation, just all of us singing together (it was also just anthony playing onstage), and homie stayed out with us for a long time - most of the song. i was also right up there which was nice.

(i'm just gonna put a keep reading thingy here you can click so this doesn't clog tags/folks' dash due to being long)

was just super sentimental. dallon even brought the "gives me.... and ____ a purpose" thing back, mentioning/gesturing towards anthony, & also the thing where when we're all doing the last "band" he like, leans back and yells it with his hands around his mouth. just kinda got me & made me smile since he didn't do either of those things on saturday, and i always do them out of habit when singing the song because of past shows.

definitely the best moment of the night & the embodiment of everything i love about idkhow. he truly made the best out of everything.

i didn't film all of it, & also my camera angles are bad since i didn't want to shove my phone in dallon (or anyone's) face. this is the only video i really feel comfortable posting from last night since it just felt like everything was alright in that moment, 100%. not that i took many in the first place for that reason, but you get the idea.

- dallon strutting around with a pride flag from someone for half a song!! let me tell you, bro was showing that thing OFF. sadly i just had my film camera in hand in the moment so i just grabbed maybe five shots on that aka i don't have em yet, but i'll have em eventually, and it sure did happen, and it was great. did see a few posts in idkhow's tagged on instagram if ya wanna peep.

- back to what i said in regards to opening band about making a rough situation more positive, dallon brought up this exact point (even moreso than usual, including just on saturday in rochester) earlier in the show while talking about a letter - he went really in depth about turning negative stuff into something beautiful. and was talking about how when he wrote the song, he could only hear what we were doing now (you know the parts, in the chorus) in his head, and now he gets to actually experience it, and so he never stops playing this song even 20 years after he wrote it. i love dallon's love for a letter, man, and hope he never does stop.

- downside has truly become one of my favorite live songs. holy moly dude it had even the otherwise seemingly casual fans going wild, possibly even more than rochester actually. that is a song to freakin JUMP to if there ever was one!!!

- did mention this in my post from last night, but a while after the show (there were only maybe a dozen of us around at this point), on his way out to the bus, dallon kind of smiled & waved at us/said thank you, first to the larger group closer to the venue and then to the few of us a bit further down, too.

can't really word it right, but just the fact that despite seeming quite down, still, bro took care to make sure we all felt appreciated/not ignored was sweet. i think maybe he could tell we were concerned, i don't know, dude, all i do know is there's a lot of kindness in that dude's eyes.

had honestly never really interacted with dallon all these years prior to these shows (besides theatrical visitation crowd stuff), so i hadn't fully realized until these past few days - really given me a different perspective i hadn't fully caught onto before amidst the dramatic aspects of idkhow/dallon & their shows, i guess.

point is, dallon's a kind dude. be good to him. just wanted to say that.

- and finally, last night was my eighth (!) idkhow show, & what's crazy is i have never traveled more than an hour & a half for one all this time. i can't say that goes for any other band, and that fact doesn't go lost on me. western ny loves and shows up for idkhow, & idkhow loves and shows up for western ny always. <3

i just have so much love for all this, dude. i miss the shows already.

this project & dallon's music & the live shows have all been in my life for so long. both of these shows have been special in some way or another, last night being a reminder of how powerful everything idkhow has going is to the point of being able to make something good out of, well, whatever might be going on.

truly hope to catch another show back around here sometime soon. please get out 2 a gig if you can - chances are, like me and everyone i've encountered, really, at their shows, you'll never want to stop going, either, if you do. :p

#idkhow #i dont know how but they found me #gloomtown tour #dallon weekes #idkhowposting #wavernot4love gets 2 the gig

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foxes-that-run · 5 months

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Grapejuice

Harry loves a double meaning, which he does particularly well in Grapejuice. It includes a nice call back to Perfect and touches reflecting about someone he needs in his life but it’s complicated.

Harry put a bowl of peaches and a carnation in the lyric video. A reference to Maroon’s “Carnations you thought were roses, that’s us”

Zane Lowe (38:30) suggested the song is about dependency in alcohol and Harry spoke about Fine Line rather than Grapejuice, Zane tried a few times to bring dependency and the song up. The Harry reflected on peers who went through the peak of fame alone without the band (49). If the human race can be saved by avoiding a topic Harry Styles is our man.

Harry also didn’t play Grapejuice for a year after the first 2 album release shows. Then on 13 May 2023, he added it to the setlist in Horsens and played it to the end of the tour.

Lyrics

Yesterday, it finally came, a sunny afternoon I was on my way to buy some flowers for you (ooh) Thought that we could hide away in a corner of the heath There's never been someone who's so perfect for me

The first verse refers to Perfect's "And I might never be the one who brings you flowers" and the song title. While in Perfect it was not a romantic love, they were perfect to hang out Grapejuice is more mature in intent in this first verse, seeing the person is perfect for him and wanting to spend time with just them in his local area, Hampstead Heath.

But I got over it and I said "Give me somethin' old and red" I pay for it more than I did back then

However, true to the One Direction song, he doesn't buy his muse flowers, he asked for an old (flame), Taylor referring to her album Red which is in part about him. This is a double meaning, he does mean a bottle of aged red wine, and his ex who's album is Red.

There's just no gettin' through Without you A bottle of rouge Just me and you

But there is no one else for him, in MMITH: "'Cause once you go without it / Nothing else will do" and As it Was: "In this world, it's just us" 20 times it was only each other.

Likening his muse to a bottle of wine is also intentional, they have likened their relationship to a substance dependancy before in Clean " Ten months sober, I must admit / Just because you're clean, don't mean you don't miss it", MMIH “gotta get better / give me some morphine.” and DBATC "I get drunk, but it's not enough"

'Cause the morning comes and you're not my baby

Harry said to Rolling Stone about Taylor:

"I like tipping a hat to the time together. You’re celebrating the fact it was powerful and made you feel something, rather than ‘this didn’t work out, and that’s bad.’ And if you run into that person, maybe it’s awkward, maybe you have to get drunk … but you shared something."

Sittin' in the garden, I'm a couple glasses in I was tryna count up all the places we've been You're always there, so don't overthink I'm so over whites and pinks

Harry has expressed similar sentiments of enjoying Taylor as a person in his life, in a parallel in Little Freak: "I was thinkin' about who you are Your delicate point of view,"

Harry is thinking about his muse, and says they travel to many places together. To me the line "You're always there, so don't overthink" is an acknowledgement that the muse is always in his heart, to not overthink and become jealous. Because he continues to say he's so over people that are not Taylor.

Being so over whites and pinks are sweeter, less stong wines than Reds, it's way to say no one else will do, he is over dating people who are not his muse.

I pay for it more than I did back then

Paying more for it now than back then is also a double meaning, the wine has increased in price and emotionally it costs more to spend time with this person. Harry and Taylor sing a lot about paying for being together.

There's just no gettin' through Without you A bottle of rouge Just me and you 1982 Just me and you There's just no gettin' through The grape juice blues

Harry wants nothing more than to share a bottle of wine his muse. The grape juice blues are feeling depressed, he wants to be with his muse, it is fraught and the drink because they are awkward.

1982 adds up to 20. Red Wine is in many of their songs:

Olivia: "This isn't the stain of a red wine, I'm bleeding love"

Little Freak: "Red wine and a ginger ale / But you would make fun of me for sure"

Maroon: "The burgundy on my T-shirt when you splashed your wine into me" and "Your roommate's cheap-ass screw-top , that's how"

Clean: "You're still all over me like a wine-stained dress I can't wear anymore"

The 1: "Rosé flowing with your chosen family"

One

Harry starts the song with 1, 2, 3 and ends on 1 (I.e let’s start again) Taylor also counts 1, 2, 3 after “you didn’t a number on me but honestly baby who’s counting” in So it goes.

#haylor #harry styles #grape juice #harry’s house

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saintescuderia · 2 months

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An ode to a fallen comrade, my laptop.

I’m weirdly sentimental when it comes to my laptops. I say this but I’ve only ever had two. My first was a chunk old silver MacBook Pro that was a gift from my father. It saw me all the way through those formative highschool years. I even used it at school. It was the laptop I used to give Tommy Bellamy a copy of channel.ORANGE with the fact that this version of Mac actually still had USB ports. And humanity also still used USBs. Not to mention the CD port in which I actually burnt music onto plain discs and made mixtapes for people.

I wrote countless stories on that laptop. It was where I wrote my 120k Avengers fanfiction, something I started when I was 14. Four years later and in my final year of school, I had a run of waking up at 5am to write. Never mind the fact that I was waking up at 5am to write a fic about Frank Ocean.

That laptop went through it all with me. Like old men with their cars, I named it. Stanley. Stanley was covered with homemade stickers that summed up the formative youth of my teenage years. A picture of Kendrick Lamar with his signature, a SAVE FERRIS collage, a photo of Chandler Bing (season 1), the screen card of Hugo Stiglitz from Tarantino’s Inglorious Basterds. And Frank Ocean, of course.

Stanley saw me through it all… until university where it promptly died. Or, ‘Apple died’ in which it just kept overheating, the battery life was horrible and I saw more circle spins of death in the last two weeks of use than I had in the last two years. Suffice, to say, it was time for an upgrade.

So I got another MacBook. His name was Bernie Mac which I thought clever and my first wallpaper was, indeed, a photo of the comedian. It was sleeker, didn’t have USB ports and in some odd and unexplainable way, didn’t seem as good as Stanley. Never mind that it was faster, thinner and had an actually life of a battery. I hated the keyboard, the darker colour and the fact that Bernie Mac just wasn’t Stanley.

Only after writing several novels - and one collection of poetry - creating various mixtapes (with a CD extension!), editing films, binging series and the countless PDFs I read and the essays I wrote of the two (and a half) degrees that this laptop went through did it finally die.

It’s funny. I’m not emotional. I won’t lie and say to you that the 18 year old who had to put Stanley down and admit defeat was emotional. So much so that she refused to trade it in and instead has it sat on her bookshelf beside a coffee table book on writers. In a way, that very first MacBook serves as a reminder of all the things I realised I could do. I could be a writer.

Now, this laptop before me, the one that refuses to turn on, might not hold as much sentimental weight but it’s still a nice marker of times gone by. It travelled with me across countries and it did get me through those incredibly painful and awkward years of your early 20s.

I went through lockdown with it.

What’s more, I watched my first ever F1 race on it.

So I won’t let the frustrations of the end get to me. The fact that I had to walk around with a charger because 100% battery didn’t mean anything. Or the fact that it would overheat and kick the fan into overdrive and it sounded like an airplane. Or the fact that it’s died when I decided to start becoming a little more serious with this ‘I want to be a writer’ business and now I have to type on my iPad like I’m Toto Wolff in Drive to Survive. Maybe that will make this whole March 30 Day challenge all the more memorable - I did it despite the fact that my laptop literally fucking died after three days! What’s more than that though the three days into this, it died literally the day before university starts.

It’s okay, though. I’ve already ordered another laptop from Apple that should be coming next week. And maybe that’s just what I need; a fresh start with a fresh laptop to bring in the next chapter of adventures. Even though you can still trust that the first song that’ll play from that yet-to-be-named MacBook is finna be Pyramids.

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zalrb · 9 months

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I was looking through your blog, and I saw a post about Leyton and the comet and when Peyton said “when you fixed my car, you fixed my heart” and it’s so stupid, and cringey (and I love it, I’m sorry. It’s just the type of bad stupid shit that I love.)

But my question is: what are some of the worst cringey/corny lines of dialogue you have heard in shows?

I also saw a post where you talked about your favourite romantic lines, and my second question is: what is the difference between corny/cringey and romantic to you?

The corniest lines of dialogue in shows is going to take longer because I immediately forget them for my sanity but we can just assume Leyton takes up a lot LMAO.

In terms of the difference between corny/cringey and romantic for me, with the exception of a few guilty pleasures where I'm like LOL THAT'S SO FUCKING CORNY, it's essentially when I find lines grounded and simple but emotional without going overboard in sentimentality combined with the context of the scene itself.

So, like Brucas for instance

it's direct and it's simple but it packs an emotional punch because a) earlier in the episode when she's like we'll be non-exclusive, he's like cooooool, coolcoolcoolcool, now he's letting her know that while he'll play by her rules, while she sets the pace and while he understands that, his feelings are not non-exclusive feelings because he's the one for her b) he says to her this when she's surrounded by various guys hitting on her and saying oh I'm not worried because they are nothing, but me? I'm the one for you.

Leyton, though, to me, sounds like something you think people in romantic situations say, it's very performative to me and that makes it feel disingenuous and makes me mutter, jesus christ, get a grip.

Another example good example of my lines is A Walk To Remember because I got into arguments about this as a preteen. I was totally cool with this line and thought it was romantic

because I was like I get it, she made peace with her circumstances, she had her faith and then Landon comes along and she wants more time with him and it's fucking everything up and I was like yeah! that makes sense! And then this happened

and I was like oh fuck OFF. Like, REALLY? Really, though? Death doesn't scare you but not being with him does? I can't. And then I become an asshole about it because he's all "That'll never happen" well no because she's going to die at the end of the year, so, I mean, unless you break up with her right now...

Or something like Fight My Way where they were friends for 20+ years and now they're dating and he's seeing her in a different light so when she walks out of her apartment in a dress, he claps

which is hilarious but also romantic to me and then he's like (which is compounded by the fact that he's a taekwondo athlete known for his spin kick)

and is, like, short-circuiting because of her legs

and kdramas have the ability to write something like this, like, "I may spin kick guys looking at your legs so go change into pants" as adorable and not controlling, which I don't think many Western shows would be able to pull off as well, like they do it in Coffee Prince too except she tells him what to wear.

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bookdragonwrites · 7 months

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Now it's my turn 😊

What's a cool song you've discovered recently? I always like finding out what grabs people's attention with music!

Yay, I do so love when it's my turn! XD

As for music... I'm an absolute sucker for sentimental stuff. I'm quite happy to listen to all sorts of vibes, especially within rock (currently mostly Jrock), but in the end I always come back to fluffy softness, especially if there's natural imagery. There's just something beautiful in vulnerability, I think. I'm a creative person myself, as you know, and – to me at least – nothing takes more courage than to share something that's open and emotional, because I worry so much that it'll be cringy or just too much. I have loved Keane's Somewhere Only We Know ever since it came out nearly 20 years ago (Lily Allen's cover is also excellent), and I honestly think it's had an influence on my writing, especially when it comes to describing natural places.

To answer your actual question: Official Hige Dandism's Midori no Amayoke (緑の雨避け, 'green rain cover') is the latest one in a long and proud tradition of sappy goodness. My Japanese isn't brilliant, but as far as I can tell it's about the narrator's journey back to his childhood home, where he expects to reunite with his family, and about the warm, nostalgic feeling his memories from that place give him. The whole thing just evokes the image of a small, sleepy Japanese town at golden hour and a family standing on the train station platform, all of them a bit giddy at the thought of seeing their loved one come back from far away. In fact, it reminds me of this photo I took late last year on a long, largely rainy train journey, though I wasn't actually going home at the time:

I dunno, I just think it's lovely and warm. Maybe it's because I've made that sort of journey home a number of times, and it'd be nice if it felt so uncomplicatedly pleasant.

In any case, sorry for the novel. I got carried away. Thank you for the ask! (First one ever!)

#asks #music #possibly very rambly #but in the spirit of owning one's vulnerability I'm just going to roll with it

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melancholypancakes · 3 months

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A/n: Due to the lack of internet I’ve been dying to reveal this character of mine ;)

Actor AU belongs to @frillsand

Olivia Velvet is the adopted daughter of Brienne Velvet, part of the rich Velvet family.

Olivia was born on 1952, January 20 Aquarius

Olivia is a 17-year-old human girl, she is a secretary to Brienne Velvet as she wants to work.

Brienne had ways to get her along in show business with her, but Olivia didn't mind for her mother's sake.

Personally, Olivia did like the spotlight, especially fame.

Olivia loves her grandparents, her grandfather is very kind. And her grandmother is judgemental, headstrong, and always does what's best for the family.

Olivia's relationships with her aunts and uncle are healthy for the most part, Brittany was her sassy, diva aunt she loved going to the mall with until Brittany's demise.

Kimberly and Henry are older than her but act like an older brother and sister to her in a way with advice.

Olivia has puppet friends at school, she may not look like it but she is an angst teenager.

Her closest friend is her foster mother, Brienne Velvet, Olivia was adopted when she was twelve and Brienne was nineteen.

Olivia is very close to her foster mother and gets protective when someone new comes around.

It is a very known fact in the "Welcome Home" studio, that Olivia & Wally hate each other.

Olivia doesn't get along with Wally as he's a diva, narcissistic, selfish, and treats humans such as herself badly.

Wally doesn't get along with Olivia as he sees her as a spoiled brat, naive, optimistic as her mother, rude and annoying.

Olivia & Wally fight all the time in the studio, screaming at each other most of the time.

Brienne wishes they would get along, Janet and Max are amused and grateful someone finally stood up to Wally.

The truth is, that Olivia and Wally have more in common than they think.

Olivia and Wally both share the same sentiment, being abandoned alone by their parents in childhood, feeling the need to hide their true nature, and having anger issues.

Wally's hatred is the same as Olvia's, as he sees her as his reflection of himself when he was younger.

Olivia's hatred towards him gets worse when he starts dating her mom, Brienne Velvet.

Wally Darling & Brienne Velvet got close as co-stars and friends to lovers.

Olivia didn't want to accept Wally as a friend or a father figure due to having abandonment issues and it was her self-mechanism as well as her uncontrollable anger.

It wasn't until they talked, that Olivia was crying backstage.

He heard her and followed to the backstage.

She was going through some issues, he felt that maybe he shouldn't be a dick in this situation.

He decided to approach her, and he asked her if she was okay and what was wrong.

She just sniffed as she was crying on her knees, she ended up talking about a friend of hers moving away.

She didn't mean to but she just got angry as she felt was getting left behind again.

Olivia had a fear of abandonment by Brienne and many of her loved ones as her biological parents left him behind.

Wally recognizes this, it was like a reflection of himself.

Sure, he hated it but he felt he needed to help this girl and he couldn't just let her deal with this anger and issues alone like he did.

Olivia cried in her hands as she felt horrible for yelling at her friend and having issues, wally comforted her by embracing her.

He held her in his arms as she cried on his shoulder, he told her it wasn't her fault, and to just talk to her friend.

He was telling her and in a way his younger self...

{here are some facts}

Wally & Olivia's relationship is like loona and blitz without the straight-up fistfights.

Olivia acts like a bodyguard for Brienne and will fight anyone.

"let's cut to the chase and settle this thing. If you're man enough to face me" quote by Olivia who would fight a man.

I recently saw @frillsand made an art of Wally dealing with a misbehaving teen and how he reacts to it and I wanted to do a scene reference with wally & Olivia :)

{this scene is from Helluva Boss S1 EP2 where Loona & blitz fight}

(in the studio)

"Damnit! Wally why can't you get out of my face for five minutes?!"

"Because you shouldn't be talking to that boy in the first place, he's bad news!" he said sternly.

"you're lucky you're mother doesn't know what you've been doing!" he continues

"Ugh! What does it matter! You're not even my REAL dad!" Olivia yelled at wally

"I can take care of myself!" she growls

"you're just dating my mom asshole! I didn't even need a father figure, I certainly don't need you!" she crosses her arms and turns away.

{...}

Honestly to me, I think Wally would be angry if she talked back to him but sad he said that to him because he's just looking out for her.

At first in the story, Olivia is secretly Brienne's daughter and had to pull some strings to drag her daughter in the show business as her Secretary (might of lie about her age too lol)

in the OG & other Aus Olivia is a fan child of Wally and Brienne!

She is a daddy girl in the OG while in actor she is a human angst teen towards as her stepdad Which is kind of ironic XD

#welcome home #welcome home au #wally darling #brienne velvet #welcome home oc #my oc stuff #my oc #my oc story #welcome home actor au #diva wally #Diva x goth #oc x canon #oc x canon fankid #Actor! Brienne #gothic puppet #Angst teen #Helluva boss reference

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explosionshark · 4 months

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2, 3 and 14 for the end of year asks?

2. Album of the year?

I'm sure you understand how difficult this is to answer! I've listened to so much music this year! A lot of albums I've loved came out! If someone asks this again I'm probably going to give a different answer but

Anno 1696 by Insomnium - spent all year with it, I think I can safely say it's my new favorite Insomnium album (which is saying something bc they have 8 LPs and I like them all). If they're a band you're already familiar with, you'll know what to expect from them. Nothing in Anno 1696 is particularly revolutionary for Insomnium. They've been crafting dynamic, beautiful melodic death metal for 20+ years. They've done a concept record before. What elevates Anno 1696 for me is just how much of a distillation of this band's strengths it is for me: the melodies are beautiful, the lyrics are smart and compelling, it's deeply emotional without losing any of the heaviness that I want from them. The Sakis Tolis feature on "White Christ" fuckin SMOKES - that song gives me goosebumps. And as if that wasn't enough, the fact that they followed it up this year with the Songs of the Dusk EP is so fucking cool. The idea of writing a concept album and then adding on a canon-divergence au ending in the form of an EP? Fucking genius.

https://youtu.be/PWG-WzEciHU?si=1tdPqrWnY0ygHrgW

3. Favorite musical artist / group you started listening to this year?

Started listening to being operative here - I really liked Void of Vision. They were the only band on the bill at Invent Animate's Heavener tour this year that I did know at all. I didn't check them out before either, so I went in totally cold. The mix at the venue was terrible all night, but Void of Vision put a lot of energy into their set, I loved the vibe, what I could hear sounded good - I texted one of my friends after the set "I bet I'm going to really love this band when I can actually here them." And I was right! It's metalcore with a fun goth/industrial edge. Nothing crazy but a fun additional texture that really hooked me. They're like if Motionless in White made music I actually enjoyed. Super fun, great show, very sweet people. As a Spiritbox fan, I think you might like them.

https://youtu.be/82-Aw_mWoLk?si=tGUu6yOb3l4T3I1i

14. Favorite book you read this year?

Painful to pick just one! I did wrap up my Top 3 on this blog before (Our Share of Night by Mariana Enriquez, The Spear Cuts Through Water by Simon Jimenez, A Day of Fallen Night by Samantha Shannon) but if you twist my arm and I have to pick one out of those three, it'd be A Day of Fallen Night, for sentimental reasons. I mean it was an extremely rewarding and engaging read for me, but it was also one of those books that shows up when you really, really need it. Got me through a very painful and difficult month, and I'm always going to love it for that. Plus it was gay as hell.

#thanks for the ask bud!

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lenbryant · 2 years

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John Irving, who warned you about Roe vs. Wade, hopes to die at his desk By Amos Barshad, Oct. 17, 2022 “I want to die with my head on my desk in the middle of a sentence,” says author John Irving. “I can’t think of a better way to exit.” (Photo: Derek O’Donnell) ---On the Shelf---- "The Last Chairlift" By John Irving Simon & Schuster: 912 pages, $38 When I was 20, I went to Amsterdam and got entirely too high. Bumbling around a hostel lobby I picked up, almost at random, a paperback copy of John Irving’s 1998 novel “A Widow for One Year.” Later, I’d learn it was classic Irving, which can encompass any or all of the following: characters who wrestle or write or grow up in Exeter, N.H., or sleep with an older woman; Central Europe; complicated relationships among nontraditional families; sentiment; heartbreak; bears. Within a hundred pages, I was weeping, snapped out of my fog. All of which is to say: Maybe there are more incisively modern books, but if you want a genuinely mood-altering cry, try John Irving. At 80, Irving is publishing his 15th novel, “The Last Chairlift,” a multigenerational family epic full of his old tricks. On a video call from his home in Toronto, he sits in front of a wall of framed photos, along with his Oscar. Irving won it for his 1999 adaptation of his novel “The Cider House Rules,” a book newly relevant for its painstakingly realistic depictions of abortions conducted in pre-Roe Maine. In a 2019 New York Times op-ed, Irving wrote that, when it was published in 1985, he’d had to tell complacent readers it wasn’t historical fiction: “‘If you think Roe v. Wade is safe, you’re one of the reasons it isn’t.’” Irving wears a flannel shirt, its sleeves rolled up, and glasses. His white hair is brushed back. He speaks with his hands and with a slight cough — a product, he explains, of just having gotten over COVID. “Everyone was very afraid of my getting it because I’m 80 and I have asthma,” he says happily, in his matter-of-fact way, “and it turned out to be not much of a big deal.” Our interview has been edited for clarity and length. LAT: The publisher’s note on “The Last Chairlift” galley says this will be your last “long” novel. Does that mean you have your next few novels already planned? JI: For some time now, I’ve thought of my unwritten novels as boxcars in a train station not yet coupled to an engine. And for the last three or four novels I’ve been trying to take the longest or most difficult looking train first, so that eventually the easier looking trains are the ones that are left. LAT: Are you confident you’ll stick to the plan? JI: That’s a very civilized way to ask, “Are you kidding?” Yeah, I know. Why should anyone believe me? I’m not promising that I’m going to mutate before your eyes and become a novella man. But I can count the boxcars and I can count the number of major characters. I’m six chapters into the new novel. LAT: Did you take any time off after finishing “The Last Chairlift”? JI: I don’t take time off. I used to. But from the moment I started writing screenplays I really had no in-between time. [By the way] I decided that in the time remaining, I’m going to write novels. I like writing screenplays. I’m glad somebody taught me how to do it. It has, I think, taught me a lot about writing novels. I don’t have an ax to grind with the way the movie business works. But in the time I’ve got left, I’d rather be writing novels. LAT: Is there any way getting older has made you a stronger writer? JI: I’m familiar with what I do best as a writer, more familiar than I used to be. I hope there’s a lot of evident playfulness or mischief or fun in “The Last Chairlift.” It’s another novel that isn’t a happy ending, granted, but I had a lot of fun with it. The family circumstance is surely recognizable to many of my readers. There’s an elusive, evasive, mysterious mother. There’s the missing biological father. But from that premise I like to write a very different story each time. And I’m more — at least I feel I’m more — relaxed telling a story. So somehow, even within the long form, even at my age — something about it is getting easier. I feel very lucky. I’m not feeling, at what I do, my age. I feel it in other ways. I feel it in how much more sleep I need. I’m aware of cutting back on what I used to do as a daily workout. I feel it physically. LAT: What does your workout look like these days? JI: After the third knee surgery, I can’t run anymore, but I can crank up a treadmill and go uphill for a long time. I can walk three or four miles a day. I can ride a stationary bike and I’m lifting lighter weights than I used to — lighter weights, more reps. LAT: Has your relationship to your critics changed over the years? JI: I don’t know that I necessarily believe my fellow writers who say they don’t read their reviews, or they don’t read their bad ones. I reread the bad ones. For more reason than imaginary vengeance. Because you ought to know — you ought to listen to what it is you do that irritates some people. But in many cases I know that what irritates some people is what pleases others. When I lived in New York, every once in a while I had the good fortune to run into one of my bad reviewers at a party. And I’ve always found it interesting that whenever that happens, they’re the ones who run out of the room. LAT: You’ve written your longest novel at 80. JI: This novel is longer than “Bleak House.” This novel is long. It probably would have been more fashionable if I’d written my longest novel several novels ago. I’m sure the sheer size of this thing is going to turn some people away. They’re just going to look at it and say, “Oh, God, I can’t do that.” [Shrug] I understand. LAT: I’ve been thinking about “The Cider House Rules.” In light of Roe being overturned, it feels like a very different book. JI: [Long sigh] I didn’t write “The Cider House Rules” to be quaint or historical. I wrote it as a warning. I said, “This is what that period of time was like. When abortion was unsafe and illegal. This is what people were doing. Do you really want to go back to that time?” Everything in the novel happens only because the choice to have a child or an abortion is denied the woman. Few Americans know their own abortion history. For more than two centuries of American history, abortion was allowed. Going back to the separatist Pilgrims landing in Plymouth, Massachusetts, in 1620 and 1621 — abortion was legal. It’s been banned for less than a century. We’ve come a long way to go backward. You can’t look at what the Supreme Court did and not recognize that their overturning Roe is more in step with the Vatican than it is with the 1st Amendment. That part that says “make no law respecting an establishment of religion” — they endorsed a papal definition of right to life. From the moment of conception. It’s staggering, really. To declare that an undeveloped fetus has more rights than a fully grown and fully developed woman. Really? It’s an unthinkable backwardness. LAT: You didn’t have a big commercial success until your fourth novel, 1978’s “The World According to Garp.” Do you ever wonder what your life would have been like if “Garp” hadn’t broken out? JI: Well, I had the writing of four books to know perfectly well how I would be living. I didn’t dislike teaching English and writing. The good teachers and the good coaches in my life were the most important people in it. I took the role of being a teacher and a coach to heart. I wasn’t unhappy in that life. I just was frustrated that I could only find the time to write for two hours a day and not every day. So what would my life have been like? I would have written only half as many books. LAT: You haven’t lost any of your appetite for doing the work. JI: I want to die with my head on my desk in the middle of a sentence. I can’t think of a better way to exit. Barshad is a writer in New York and the author of “No One Man Should Have All That Power: How Rasputins Manipulate The World.”

#john irving #novelist #writer #writers #authors #the last chairlift #book tumblr #booktumblr #readers #2022 #the world according to garp #the cider house rules #a widow for one year

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napollya-inspiration · 6 months

Text

atomic blonde au

I kind of want to start a series about writing this fic just because I can. I make no promises of finishing it. I just think that my process for this will be so different - as I mostly adjust the process to each fic that's pretty normal for me - but this has been baking for the past 6 years.

A big part of why I want to write this is to explore something I kind of touched on in Tangled Up, which I wrote in 2017. That fic needs some heavy editing from my perspective today, but I started to deal with the dynamic of Gaby being East German and getting mixed up with Napoleon as an American and Illya as a Russian and what that would mean for her. How do her sentiments differ from theirs as someone who got into the spy business to get out of the GDR?

“He’s a Russian.” She said like it explained things. “What do you mean?” “I am from East Germany.” She looked around for a moment and stopped. “Look, they say Russia is our big brother. But not in the way big brothers can be protective and super cool. More in the way big brothers can be oppressing and authoritative. Maybe even abusing.” She said in a hushed voice but with a stress that convinced Napoleon she meant every word. It made sense. Very few of the East Germans loved the Russians or what they had done to their country. The fear of the Stasi at all times and the propaganda education didn’t help. “Are you afraid?” He asked, honestly concerned. “No, no.” Gaby started walking again. Her tone lightened. “Illya is incredibly soft, although he may not look like it. Excerpt from Tangled Up

Again, I would improve a lot of things about this fic today, but this was me scratching the surface of a dynamic that I know from growing up in what used to be East Germany. Don't get me wrong, the wall had been down for ten years when I was born, but I felt ripple effects even as I was growing up. My mom was 18 when the wall fell. I had a history teacher who used to patrol the border. My parents hadn't ever eaten a kiwi until they were 20 and had no clue how you ate one when they got it from the store. My grandpa's brother escaped to the West and doesn't talk to my family anymore.

It's very much a reality of growing up German.

This is what I love about Atomic Blonde. Sure, the plot is awesome, but you can see the country being reunited as a backdrop. While all countries continue to hunt and kill each other, the Cold War "ends."

It's definitely something I want to bring into the fanfic. The surreality of the divided city. I already posted this snippet from the WIP, so I don't feel bad about it, but the way I start to introduce this dynamic is through Napoleon's musings as his plane descends on Berlin.

Out of all the places, Berlin is one of the dirtiest to spend your time as a spy. Nowhere else is the density of spies per capita this high. And it shows. Napoleon despises it. The desperation of the West German Citizens holding onto their city and being fed by the West like a helpless infant with spoons that are literal airplanes. And then there’s the desperation of the East Germans, fenced in by their own government and longing for the American dream like it was going to fix anything. And above all, every fucking government trying to profit from their collective desperation. When a hundred and sixty yards-wide missile field divides a city, you know to be rather careful where you step.

Fun fact: you can see how Berlin used to be divided to this day if you look at it from above at night:

Let me know if you are interested in this kind of behind-the-scenes content!

#napollya #tmfu au #tmfu fic #atomic blonde au #who won (and what was the fucking game anyway)#nici writes

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xiv-wolfram · 1 year

Text

Old Flames

A Realm Reborn - Level 20

Wolfram joins the Immortal Flames.

Catch up on my WoL Comics (Chronological)

This is the script for a future comic. Posting for those who don’t want to wait to get the story. Numbers indicate frame number. A or B followed by ) is for a split frame.

Zoomed out shot of Immortal Flames headquarters. Raubahn is walking Wolf around talking about the Grand Company. Narrator - "Wolfram and Raubahn broke up thirteen years ago when Wolf revealed his dark past and Rau dumped him after a two year relationship. Now fate has given them a chance to make amends as Wolfram became a Scion and Raubahn is one of the leaders of Ul'dah as well as General of the Immortal Flames. He extended Wolf an invite to join the Flames which Wolf enthusiastically accepted, each hoping for a chance to turn an old flame into a new friend."

Rau smiles, looking at Wolf as he talks to the attendant, and thinks - 'It's so strange to have him here… wonderfully strange. I thought I'd never see him again.' People whispering off to the side - "A tour from the General himself!? Who is this new recruit?"

Walking towards the barracks. Camera to their backs. Rau - "Through here is the barracks. As a member you're welcome to stay here while you're not out adventuring." Wolf beams - "Thank you! I know our arrangement is a bit different than the other Flames since I'm aiding the Scions as well. The hospitality is appreciated."

Rau smiles, hand on the barracks door - "Of course. We have many members stationed in the field but they always have a place to return to. I even sleep here sometimes myself if I'm working late."

Wolf and Rau walking into the barracks. Wolf grins - "Aye, but I bet you have some large mansion you call home now. After all those winnings."

They're standing facing each other. Rau looks uncomfortable - "Eh, actually I don't need that much room. I still have the old apartment." Wolf shocked, thinks - 'Wow, I'd have gotten rid of it to spare myself the memories… I suppose he didn't think of things with such sentimentality though.'

Rau still looking uncomfortable, thinks - 'I couldn't leave all those memories…'. Says - "Well, I did purchase the apartment next to it for my son. It was a bit small for the both of us and he was responsible enough at a young age to take care of his own quarters."

Wolf grins. Thought - 'Why is he acting so awkward? Need to get him to loosen up.' Says - "Outgrew? Isn't he a lalafell?"

Rau chuckles - "Just because the boy would fit in a dresser drawer doesn't mean I'd make him sleep in one."

Wolf shrugs comedically.

Rau smiles - "So you know all about me, but I went years knowing nothing of your fate. Tell me, what has your life been like?"

Wolf smiles sadly - "Well…a lot of self reflection. Especially those first few years. I had joined the conjurer's guild hoping to put my family's affinity for magic to good use. It was a struggle at first but hours sitting in the forest gave me a sense of peace and I got through that block. Turns out I made a pretty effective healer."

Raubahn surprised - "You? A healer?! I must admit I'm impressed. That is no easy feat."

Wolf beams - "Thank you! Once I had completed training I joined the Adventurer's guild and went around helping whoever needed it." Dark Thought - 'Developed quite the taste for booze, not that you'd be honest with him about that. Helps you ignore me doesn't it? In fact…why have you slowed down on the drinking lately? Miss me?'

Rau confused - "So how is it you returned to the blade? Is it true you use the rapier *and* magic? I recall tales of such mages in Gyr Abania."

A) Wolf looks very embarrassed - "Um… In a way I have you to thank for that." B) Rau surprised - "Me?! I didn't even know if you were alive."

Wolf puts a hand to his head looking bashful - "When news reached me that you had achieved your goal of joining the Syndicate and owning the Coliseum I was so happy. I'll admit I wanted to risk you turning me into the Blades just to come congratulate you."

Rau shocked - "Oh gods! No Wolf I wouldn't have! I only said that out of anger."

Wolf smiles sadly - "I hoped that was the case. At the time I wasn't sure. What did convince me to return was when you reinstated the Flames. I thought if you still felt angry towards me perhaps offering myself in service to the Company may buy me a bit of leniency."

Rau smiles sadly - "That would have been a welcomed offer. You needn't have feared me though I understand why you did. So what happened? Why didn't you make it to Ul'dah?"

Wolf smiles - "Well, I was actually on the road headed here when I had a chance encounter with a Red Mage. His name is X'Rhun. I saw him fight and was really amazed with the technique. The blending of magic with swordplay… it just felt right for me. So I listened to my gut and asked him to train me. He needed a bit of convincing but you know how stubborn I can be when I decide on something."

Tumblr mandated break. 😑

Rau laughs - "Aye, that I do." Thinks - "Thrice damn this X'hrun and his bad timing."

Wolf continues - "So I spent the next couple years mastering the art. I did have a bit of a head start with the rapier and light magic so I was a quick study."

Rau concerned - "I heard tell they also use dark magic. How did you fare with that?"

Wolf blushes with embarrassment - "Very poorly. I had quite a few of my episodes at the start there. The nightmares were worse as well. Bless that Miqo for putting up with me. I can admit to you that part of the draw was wielding small amounts of dark magic. I thought it would be like… drinking small amounts of poison each day until the body is immune."

Rau looks worried - "That's quite a lot to put yourself though…how fared your theory?"

Wolf beams - "It payed off! Took several months but eventually I could wield dark almost as well as light with no problem. Surely the success in part is due to drawing solely from my own aether so it feels very different than…"

Wolf looks down, embarrassed. - "Well, different from what I did before. I found alcohol helps tremendously as well. Especially with the dreams. So I'm often in my cups, but worry not - it will not affect my duties here." Dark Thought - 'Why are you being so honest with him?! You haven't spoken to this man in thirteen years?! Probably a pathetic attempt to convince him you've changed. Fool.'

A) Rau beams - "Wolf that's amazing!" B) Wolf looks back at Rau, surprised - "It is?" Wolf Dark Thought - 'He's just being polite. You aren't anything special.'

Rau puts a hand on Wolf's shoulder, beaming - "Of course! Not only did you decide to help others, but you found a way to help yourself. I'm so happy for you that your burden is lessened."

Wolf blushes and smiles awkwardly - "Well, it's not that big a deal. I still can't be around actual voidsent whilst remaining calm. I can defeat them but will fall apart after…and of course extreme stress is still an issue."

Rau smiles comfortingly - "You have accomplished much. That you have a ways to go does not diminish how far you've come." Rau thought - 'I'm so proud of him…'

A) Wolf smiles at Rau with a tear in his eye. B) Quickly wipes it away.

Rau looks away, pretending not to notice. Says - "So how did you get involved with the Scions? That's recent, correct?"

Wolf wipes his eye and smiles - "Aye, I was doing some work for the guild in Limsa Lominsa. Happened upon Y'Shtola and the rest is history. They explained I have this Echo thing."

Rau turns back towards Wolf, smiling - "Aye, the Warriors of Light that I fought with at Carteneu had the gift as well. Tis quite the blessing."

Wolf laughs - "Curse more like. Poor Minfilia has seen things I'd rather she not."

A) Rau concerned - "She has seen your past?" B) Wolf covers mouth still chuckling - "Aye, and I expect a bit of ours as well."

Rau turns red and covers face with hand. Thought - "Oh Seven Hells I still have to work with the woman. There are a number of stupid things I did back then folks would have trouble taking me seriously if they knew…still amazed we got away with half of it." Says - "I trust we can count on her discretion?"

Wolf thinking - "Aye, she was puzzlingly unconcerned with my condition. I trust her fully with the other thing as well." Thought - ‘He seems worried about anyone knowing we were together…”

Rau confused - "She was unconcerned?…But aye, her discretion is appreciated." Thought - "Well now I feel even worse about how I reacted when he told me all those years ago…"

Wolf smiles a bit sadly - “If anyone asks how we know each other, I understand if you want to say we were acquaintances.”

Rau surprised - “Oh… yes I can do that.” Thought - ‘He wants that to be a secret? I just wanted discretion on specifics, but aye he’s right. Twould appear unprofessional to be his commander given our history. Bad enough that Pipin is so high ranking.’

Wolf smiles - “So, is there any more to this tour? Is your son here?” Thought - ‘Alright then, we’ll keep things professional.’

Rau moving to leave - “Alas, he’s on the Ala Mhigan front right now, but I'm sure he'll be pleased to meet the adventurer that slayed a primal! For now I’d like you to meet Roaille, my second in command. She’s been a great help. I think you'll get along.”

Catch up on my WoL Comics (Chronological)

#ffxiv #ffxiv wol #oc wolfram #ffxiv oc #hyur highlander #wolbahn #raubahn #raubahn aldynn #hyur #WoLComic #WolframSaga

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vera-dauriac · 2 years

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https://bloodknife.com/everyone-beautiful-no-one-horny/

Super interesting article about the intersection of sexuality, politics and media at the moment.

If I recall, there's a post already floating around with commentary and discussion of, as well as the additional corollary "everything is p*rnographic and nothing is erotic."

I would be interested in your thoughts, especially in the context of the fanfiction community.

Love,

A niece :)

I must say, my nieces send their Auntie Vera the most interesting stuff. 😉

So, you want my thoughts on: everyone is beautiful, but no one is horny, as well as its dirtier counterpart: everything is pornographic, and nothing is erotic. Let’s see if I can manage something coherent before my workday starts.

Generally speaking, I see where folks are coming from with these sentiments. As pointed out in the article, there is something sexless about the MCU, at least the very little of the MCU I watched before I decided it was fucking boring and stopped watching. Has this spilled over into other films and become the norm? Honestly, I was a pretty hardcore film buff for much of life, but around 5 or 6 years ago instead of going to the movies maybe 20 times a year and gobbling up everything else on DVD when it hit the library, I started going zero times and only grabbing stuff at the library or checking it out streaming on occasion. This makes me pretty unqualified to talk about the state of film today, but the article’s general premise that the MCU is about action figures not action heroes seems pretty accurate. They’ve all been Ken dolled, and for me, that’s a yawn. (There’s a lot else I find dull about the MCU, but that’s not the point right now.)

The next question is why. After the 80s and 90s, which had some overly-muscled action stars and some normally muscled action stars, all of whom got to have sex, why did action "heroes" become celibate advertisements for steroids? I would suspect there are a couple explanations. As is always the case with Hollywood, the top reason is unquestionably money. For instance, I started thinking about the last time I saw a movie with a lot of action, a super buff star, and a good old-fashioned sex scene that was also hot. I came up with 300, which came out in 2006 and had a $65 million budget. (In other words, they CGIed a lot of abs for the cost of an MCU movie’s catering budget.) 300 made $70 million its opening weekend in just the US, so huzzah, it was successful. (Numbers from Box Office Mojo)

On the other hand, an MCU movie needs to make $70 million opening weekend in about a dozen different countries, and then keep making money because of the crazy budgets. For as puritanical as folks want to make the US market out to be, there are other markets with FAR more restrictive rules about what can be shown in movies. What’s the point of including a sex scene, or even a kiss, if you’re going to have to reedit for half the world? Sexless is safer for the bottom line in a global market.

And that mostly covers what I have to say about everyone is beautiful, but no one is horny, and that article in particular. I think moving to TV will actually help more with the discussion of everything is pornographic, and nothing is erotic. There seems to be plenty of sex and nudity to be had on HBO and Netflix (the two streamers I’m most familiar with), but the vast majority of it on, say, GoT or The Witcher, is decidedly unsexy. What makes it unsexy, unerotic, is a combination of things. It’s the general nihilism of the worlds (especially GoT), coupled with so much of the “sex” actually being sexual violence, and then just the overwhelming pervasiveness of naked bodies and fucking that desensitizes you to it all. (The most telling anecdote I’ve heard on this front is that GoT eventually started hiring literal porn actors to hang out in the background of scenes. This story is too good to fact check, so I’m not.)

Given that fancy outlets like HBO and Netflix clearly make money, even with the sex and nudity, why don’t they make something genuinely erotic, instead of pornographic, or at least just generally smutty? Again, there are probably a lot of factors, mostly that they think what they are doing is what audiences want, and they will continue to churn out porn as long as they believe it will make them money. But there’s something else to consider, which finally leads me to fanfic and my own writing experience.

(Ahead are definitions at least partially of my own devising, just so we’re all on the same page for the rest of the discussion.)

Smut (a fully realized story with sex scenes), porn (graphic descriptions of sex, often without a realized story), and erotica (the serious examination of character through the sexual/sensual) are different things to write and require different skills. And if my own experience is in any way typical, writing something erotic is hard. It’s way harder than smut or porn, in fact. It’s easier to show some prostitute on her knees with cum dripping down her chin than using sex to develop character in a meaningful way. (It’s also easier to shoot your leading man full of steroids than to write a good character arc to return to the movie discussion.) For instance, I’ve written a lot of smut, porn, and erotica in my time, but one of the most meaningful comments I’ve ever received on AO3 is this: “for all the amazing smut on this site, erotic joy is actually really rare, and you captured it.” It is rare, on AO3 and for me to write, because it is blasted difficult, and I think most TV shows, and movies for that matter, are going to look for the easier, safer road the majority of the time.

So, those are my thoughts on the article and the beautiful/horny and porn/erotic discussions. I feel like I should throw in some sort of “And in conclusion,” but I assume I’m not actually getting graded on this, so I’m just going to stop. 😊

#nice nonny #story discussion

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