#but then I saw an engineer in the hallway and he was sadder and I remembered that his mom died of covid and I was just like

[burning-up-a-sun]

Phone-Boxes - Part 1.

Pairing: Tenth Doctor x Rose (Doctor Who). 

Word Count: 2981. 

Warnings: None, except bad writing and pretentiousness. 

For @b-a-s-i-c-b-i-t-c-h , a horribly late birthday gift x.(It was turning out to be like 20k words, so I’m posting this part first). 

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It was a truth widely recognised across the galaxy that the Doctor was not best alone. The TARDIS was a vast and empty place, and those who had been inside knew very well how lonely it could be, when all the life and laughter had gone away. People died when the Doctor grew despondent, galaxies collapsing when he turned his back. Everyone knew that. Everyone, that is, except for the Doctor himself.

A year after the Genesis Ark had opened and the breach in the universe had closed, nothing had changed at all. On Earth, the houses were rebuilt, the damage cleared away. The deaths had been mourned and forgotten about, and life went on as normal. The ghost shift became nothing more than a dark memory lingering on the thresholds of the mind, a scary story told to children to make them eat their vegetables and go to bed on time. There was no call for grievance now, and slowly but surely the world still turned the way it had before. To some it was as though nothing had ever happened at all.

To others, though, the day's events had marked the start of something long and terrible. The woman in the wedding dress, arriving late to her uneventful wedding to an uneventful man, who could have sworn she saw ten minutes ago a strange little phonebox that was a lot bigger on the inside than it was supposed to be.

Or, even worse, the man inside. The doctor's peace had been disturbed; he sent her on her way to the wedding, and promptly left again. Out to space, where things were so much quieter and he could not see a thing outside the TARDIS windows except for asteroids and stars, the kaleidoscopic blur of a passing planet that he pointedly ignored. The brightly-lit distress signals in the outer atmospheres were troubling, and he turned away when he saw them. He did not feel much like helping people anymore.

Eventually there came a place where the planets were few and far between, and there was no life in sight. He could not see as many stars, and the sky was inky black. When the lights went out entirely, he turned out the TARDIS' engine, and waited for the spinning to stop. And soon it did. When all the noise had died away and the lights inside turned out one by one, the TARDIS simply hung there, in the midst of all the nothingness and the darkness from the end of the universe. The Doctor had always loved the way the worlds were filled with colour and noise. Suddenly he liked the silence very much.

A century had passed by the time the systems failed. Rust crawling, thick, dark red, over the lights in the hallways and passages, and soon there was no light except for the dimly glowing core in the main chamber of the TARDIS. The Doctor sat and watched it flicker until even that died out. And then there was nothing at all. Time passed, the universe changed, the Doctor did not change at all.

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The sound of the phone ringing woke him up in the darkness.

Lying very still, the Doctor could tell first of all that the TARDIS had stopped moving. Carried on the silence, there came the sound of the wooden TARDIS walls scraping against rough stone. Fainter still, the hushing sound of dust rolling over barren land. He waited for the ringing to stop, a figment of his still half-dreaming mind. It did not.

After all those years before the Doomsday, he had got quite used to the sound. A phone call from a friend, or a distress call from a spaceship asking for his help. He was reaching out to pick it up when he remembered where he was, and when he was, too. His hands fell flat upon the cold metal floor of the TARDIS' main room. He had fallen asleep sitting in the narrow chairs; he must have fallen in the night. The ice that grew beneath him had spread into his bones.

On his hands and knees, the Doctor crawled to the TARDIS core and reached up for the phone handset, but the ringing was quieter here. It was coming from the doorway, or somewhere far beyond. He wanted to stand up and walk to the door, but his legs would not bear the weight. He was weaker; he was dying. He did not care so much about that, though. All things must come to an end, and he had been waiting for his for some time. Hoping for it, almost, because every time he closed his eyes he could see her standing there in her blue jumper, smiling at him with that great big smile that made both his hearts ache unbearably. In all the centuries lost in thought, he still had never found the words to say how much he loved her smile.

By the time he got out of the TARDIS, he had garnered the strength to kneel. The rocky surface was harsh and heather grey, the sharp shapes casting deep purple shadows all around him. The only structure he could see was the mirage of a red telephone box not far from him. The Doctor could not see it well, but he could tell the phone call came from there.

He came a little closer, expecting the mirage to shatter before him and fall away to dust. It remained unflinching, and when he could finally touch it, he found its red paint peeling and old but very much real. He must be dreaming, or dead.

The phone was still ringing, and he was still kneeling there, holding his breath and watching it. By all logic it should not have any power left to it. He could not say how long had passed since the planet had seen life, but it had been long enough for ice to creep around the edges of the rocks, a perfect silver spiderweb that crackled as he got to his feet weakly. He had never felt the cold like this before. Buttoning up his long brown coat, he stood in front of the phone panel and held the handset in both hands.

By now, the ringing should have stopped. He could not say how long it had been since he had woken up in the TARDIS, but it had not been seconds, or even minutes. The shrill persistence and the curious telephone box all aligned to make him wonder if this was some message of sorts. The call was for the Doctor, and it would keep ringing until he picked up. He wondered to whom he was this crucial. He almost did not want to know.

It was a famous title of his, or had been in his world-saving days, that he was fearless. And yet somehow the Doctor was very much afraid as he picked up the phone brought it to his ear. For a moment there was silence, an impossible waiting for something, anything, on the other end of the line. And then, through the million light-years in between:

"Hello? Hello, yes, who is this?"

The words came crackling down the line, broken and reedy as if any moment the phone line might give out, but there was nothing in the universe that could keep him from knowing her through and through, and he knew it was her now.

"Rose." he whispered, and his voice was hoarse and painful from centuries of disuse. In that moment he did not mind the pain so much, for the feeling of her name upon his lips was healing, the kindest, sweetest thing that he had ever known. He had not though that it was possible to miss someone this much.

"Doctor?" she sounded confused and formal, as though she did not know him well. He thought for a along time, but he could not understand it at all. "Your number was in my phone, I-"

"Rose." He said again, more to himself as the feelings came crashing down upon him in an agonising wave. His hands tightened around the phone, terrified that he would let it slip from him and he would not hear from her again. He was sure that he was dreaming, or that he was half-dead. He was lost in his own bliss, for he had never yet imagined that death would be so sweet. Now perhaps he might get to see her again, wherever she may be.

"Yeah? Did you put it there this morning when you were in my flat?"

She sounded out of breath, like she had just been running. He could not think where she could be. Or when she could be, for that matter. He had seen her flat before he had left, bedsheets left unmade. The pink bedroom walls looked sadder in his memory, for he had had to see them one last time when she could not.

The memory only made things worse, because it confirmed what he had already known. She could not be calling him. The Doctor knew that he was dead.  for he knew she was not calling him. He knew that she was dead.

"I'm sorry?" The Doctor's head was reeling with a hundred thousand insane thoughts - possibilities which were a hair's breadth from impossible. Most of him was still frozen in place as he tried desperately to adjust to the unexpected blow that Rose was here and she could hear him.

"You came over for the arm. This morning. Doctor are you alright?" Later on, she might have noticed that it was a little strange for the man who remembered eons to forget a single day. She did not seem to notice it now. He wondered when she must be, for she did not seem to know him at all.

He cleared his throat and got his thoughts back into order. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine."

"You don't half sound strange." but she said no more about it.

She didn't think to question it too much, or didn't know enough to ask. The Rose he knew had been like this, once. When he had only just met her. It was a strange thought, after all this time had passed them by. Passed him by, at least - something in the way she spoke made it seem like no time had passed at all since then, for her. Another strange thought, and one he tried not to think too much about. Time was tricky, but even time wasn't that complex.

"I'm fine. I... missed you, that's all." he muttered. He wasn't sure which version of Rose he was talking to, but he thought she ought to know. Partly he just wanted to say it out loud, because he had not stopped thinking of how much he missed her since he had lost her, back on Earth.

The phone line crackled for a second or two, as Rose laughed nervously. "Calm down, only saw me twenty minutes ago."

The doctor's hand stopped, and he was pretty sure both of his hearts did too. Twenty minutes. He looked out of the glass panels on either side of him: darkness, the faintly bluish light of some distant constellation. He was not on Earth at all; in fact, he was nowhere near.

"Twenty minutes?" he murmured, but mostly to himself.

"Sorry, eighteen and a half if you want me to really split the second."

"What?" He rubbed his eyes tiredly.

When he closed his eyes, he could still see in front of him the way she looked when she was standing on the beach. The autons felt close enough to be happening right now, but at the same time they felt like another life entirely. Outside, the blue light pulsed and eddied in an electric stream of light. A harsh line, as though the light was tearing through the universe itself, whatever it were made of. A rift. He could not help but wonder if the rift and Rose were somehow connected.

"We... got rid of the plastic arm from that thing in the warehouse yesterday. Went for a walk in the park. You said something about feeling the world spinning. And then bang, off you go in some phonebox and I just found your number in my phone!" she did not sound too panicky, but she sounded incredulous. She had been, that first day.

When he thought back on the blissful months that followed, he remembered how she had never really seemed to lose the amazement of the first time, the sparkle in those dazzlingly blue eyes. She had wanted to see everything in the universe, and he wanted to take her with him to see all the things he saw. Tragic, then, the way that things turned out.

"We did, didn't we." and for the first time since all of this began, the doctor smiled to himself.

Her voice was a little softer the next time that she spoke. "Still don't know what you were talking about, mind."

"Beg your pardon?"

"You said all those things. You said that we were falling through space. You said that was who you were. I don't understand it at all." the words were trailing off to a mumble down the line, barely audible, and he knew that she was thinking deeply about what she said he had told her. "Doctor, what did you mean?"

A moment's pause - he waited. He tried to think of something to say. He knew what he had been saying to her. He had been trying to cut her off then and there, to stop her coming after him; but all of a sudden that was the worst thing he could think of. He had been without her for long enough, and he could not bear to think of her going away again. In a kinder time she had promised him that she would follow him wherever. He missed that blind hope more than anything.

But then again, the Doctor knew that he could spare her pain, could tell her to leave him now and never have the kind of life that would leave her amazed but leave her dead eventually. He could save just one more life, the most important life in the universe. When he closed his eyes tight, he could see the shop and how she'd work there when it was rebuilt. Rose in her wedding dress. Rose with her children. Rose in hospital, fragile and old. But he did not need to close his eyes to see what Rose looked like dead. Either way, he would hurt her. But he was selfish, and he was in love. He could not bring himself to say the words to send his Rose away.

"I... I don't know, Rose. I think I might have forgotten now." he blinked and looked out of the window at the eternal sea of starless sky, the rift that tore through space itself, and he tried not to think about the bad things he had done to her. Tried to make himself unaware that he was doing them all over again now. His hearts, both of them, were all but filled with acrid guilt.

"Oh. Doesn't matter much though, does it." and that was that - the moment passed and her voice was hers again. He was glad that she had not asked him what all his pauses meant - a later Rose would have wanted to know, and he would not have known what to say. It was all okay though - he forgave her, a thousand years too late. Forgiveness. He was getting better at that, lately.

"No, maybe not."

The phone line rustled, and he could hear her breathing heavily. The sound of stairs, the doorbell ringing. Centuries ago. Galaxies away. The emptiness down the phone line haunted him like the sounds of ghosts moving down the TARDIS corridors when all the power had gone out. The sounds of life, by now all dead. He almost hung up the phone. He didn't, just in case this was the last time he would hear her voice.

"Look, I've really got to go, I told my boyfriend I'd be round and we'd get pizza and- and I'm not entirely sure why I just told you all that, actually." she laughed. He knew it was over, and that she was about to hang up on him.

"Rose." he said quickly.

"Yeah?"

He was struck then with the sudden urge to give her some kind of sign. Some warning of what she would become, or rather what would happen to her. He wanted to help her, but he didn't know how. Saving her would tear apart the universe, or what was left of it, and it would not change the fact that he was just a lonely man drifting, alone, through space. He could not save her the first time and he could not save anyone now.

He loved her more than anyone, more than his own good. But she had time, not a lot but time all the same, and she would hear everything he had to tell her in her own time. Or else she would learn it the hard way, and even he could not rob her of something as important as that.

"See you around." he said at last.

A minute passed in silence, and then the phone line cracked and went dead. A handful of twenty pence coins rattled and fell into the receptor below the handset, silver and shiny and new. He had not expected to get his money back, especially because he had not paid. All the way back to the TARDIS, standing steadily upright now, he clenched the coins tightly in his fist. They were his only evidence that Rose had called at all.

Sitting on the TARDIS' doorstep, the Doctor pushed off the planet's edge with his legs. With a low, wooden shudder that shook through him and his spaceship alike, the TARDIS drifted away into space. 

#Doctor who #dr who fandom #Tenth doctor #David Tennant #Rose tyler #billie piper #rose x ten #rose x 10 #rose x doctor #doctor x rose #10 x rose #ten x rose #fanfiction #dr who

[masseffecthoe]

Soul Glitches

Chapter 3

< Chapter 2

Kaidan was still unconscious despite Jun's best efforts to heal him. She was no medic, but his head had been pretty banged up and there was really no way to tell how affected his implants were. She spied Shepard from the corner of her eye and cursed the major under her breath. The last thing the commander needed was to worry about his sorry ass.

"I did all I could, but we have to get him to the Citadel asap. Someone has to check on his amps."

"Right. Joker, get us to the Citadel."

"Alright commander. Meanwhile, you've got Hackett on the line." She left in a hurry, sealing one more glance at the major's still form. Jun turned to him as well, wishing there was something more she could do to help. She missed Dr. Chakwas, the older woman would have been all over the situation in no time. Liara came around the bed, gentle hand placed on Jun's shoulder. The asari had a way about her that was soothing and Jun was grateful for it. Perhaps it was her voice.

"Do you think he's going to make it?"

"He's like one of those cockroaches from Earth, bastard's gonna outlive us all."

"I hope you're right, for the commander's sake." She left soon after, excusing herself to go examine the blueprints. Jun hoped they had been worth it, because while Kaidan was a pain in the ass, he was still part of the crew, part of Shepard's little family of misfits and one of their oldest friend. She'd miss the bastard, though probably not as much as the commander. She noticed James leaning on the wall besides the door as she finally got up to leave.

"So the commander and him." They were so obvious even the marine put two and two together and figured it out. The world was ending, actually, a lot of worlds were being eradicated, so she doubted anyone cared for regs those days.

"Why do you care? Shepard got you all heart eyed, too?" She punched him lightly on the shoulder as they exited the room towards the mess hall. She needed sometime to eat. "He enlisted around the same time we did, they also go way back."

"Doesn't really explain why you hate him so much... you sure you don't have a thing for him, princess?" With the most serious expression she could muster she turned to him with her hand on her chest as if offended, stopping him in his tracks.

"I would rather go on a suicide shuttle ride with you again than ever considering Alenko."

"I'm just that irresistible." Jun shook her head, smile cracking through her poker face. The lieutenant was good company, a change in scenery from the otherwise overly serious people on the crew. She would stay up with Joker in the cockpit, but since he'd been getting along with EDI more and more it was sometimes hard for her to follow their inside jokes.

"Anyway, I don't actually hate him... I hate that after all the years he's known us, fought alongside the commander, he still can't get his head out of his ass and trust, if not us, at lest her. Anderson and Hackett sing her praise with every chance, yet Alenko seems he wants to prove she's a god dammed traitor."

"The Cerberus thing?"

"Yep. She was basically dead, in a coma for two years. Then when she wakes up she asks about him every chance she gets... and he's angry she didn't call him..."

"If they're so close why didn't she?"

"He was on some kind of classified mission, no one told us where he was, just that he was alive and well."

" Guy has issues then. "

" Don't we all? " He raised an eyebrow and smirked, his ego basically bursting at the seems. "Oh please, don't act like you're above this."

"What? Can't help if I'm perfect."

"Aha, right. And I'm a krogan shaman"

"Never knew their shamans were so..."

"Hot? Beautiful? Wise beyond their years?" He leaned forward getting dangerously close, the scar on his lower lip pulling his smirk in an extremely appealing way. The man was right, he was close to irresistible.

"I was going to say squishy."

"Hm, well I guess you're not exactly wrong. But hey, you can't have it all, right?" She shrugged and watched those damn lips widen in a full cocky grin. "I mean, not all of us can be as perfect as you."

They passed a few more friendly banters as they grabbed some food from the mess hall. Not a lot of options since they were without a cook now as well. Jun really hoped they were going to get him back before they headed in the next crazy mission. It would be even sadder if they'd die on an empty stomach. It would have been nice to gather the entire old crew, after all what more important things they'd have to attend to besides the extinction of all they're races. She missed Tali the most. The two had become fast friends working on different parts of the Normandy and exchanging ideas. The quarian was just the sweetest girl ever. And then there was Kasumi; the woman was a blast to hang with and the two enjoined sneaking in on Jacob's training sessions. Jun looked James up and down again admiring the way his muscles flexed as he opened the fringe door for the third time. She was sure Kasumi would agree with her, the lieutenant was a walking work of art.

They arrived at the Citadel in short time, Normandy at full speed. They were already waiting for them at the docking bay and Kaidan was hauled away to the hospital before Jun got to the exit. She was unsure if they should follow Shepard to the hospital, the woman looked like she wanted to be alone for a moment. And besides, she really hated hospitals. Huerta Memorial held memories from the worst period of her short life. But the commander stopped, C-sec's officer Bailey coming into view and telling them the Council was waiting for them. There was conflict in the commander's eyes, but Jun nudges her a little.

"Go see Kaidan. The Council can wait a few minutes." Shepard nodded, the decision already taken. The group quickly dispersed, Liara choosing to attend to the Council and prepare their findings of the blueprint. Before Bailey turned to leave as well, he shot her and James a look.

"What about you two?"

"I'm just a tourist this time." The lieutenant put his hands up, excusing himself from any of the political implications and Jun saw the perfect opportunity to get out as well. She couldn't stand Udina and if the meeting was anything like the last one, she might not resist to throat punch him.

"I'll make sure he doesn't get in trouble." She smiled politely at the officer and he bid them good luck in their mission. When she turned towards James, he was already at one of the tall windows overlooking the Presidium. She approached casually and regarded the view as well, the opulence and serenity of it all.

"Been here before?"

"To the Citadel yeah, but never up here on the Presidium."His hands gripped the railing until his knuckles turned white, his jaw clenched tight. She understood his anger perfectly, the richest and most "important" beings lived here while in other parts of the universe people were fighting for scraps. But that was not something unique about the Citadel, it happened everywhere. And in some ways it was natural for the people in power to gather in such a place, even if perhaps they did not deserve said power to begin with. Life was unfair like that, she'd gotten used to it long ago. "This place is wrong, so calm while Earth is burning. As if the war isn't going to reach them too soon."

"It's a facade, Vega. If you look closely you can see they're all scared." She turned to watch the people on the hallway they were in, elbows resting behind her on the rail. "See that guy over there on the phone? He was asking about his son when we passed by him. Those asari by the elevator, they're being called back on their planet. Probably preparing for the reapers to hit Thessia... It may still look grand, but it's as much a hell hole like any other if you put it under a microscope. A shiny, skyscraper filled hell hole." She watched the creases in his brow lessen as he took a closer look around them.

"You spent a lot of time here?" James watched her face change completely, lips pressed in a thin line and eyes narrowing and he realized he'd hit some sensitive subject. She was silent for so long he'd thought they'd just dropped the subject.

"Well I kinda live here I guess."

"You guess?"

"Yeah, I mean I haven't for a while... but I have a little apartment in the Wards. But it's not like I bought it or anything. It belonged to my parents. I didn't even know about it until I was... well..."

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." She closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose, taking a long breath of air.

"I spent a while in the hospital after the... military thing. When I got out I was told I had an apartment here. It makes sense I guess, my parents used to travel to the Citadel a lot, but it just never crossed my young mind they actually had a place here, you know. Lucky me." James thought her reluctance to share had something to do with her parents, but now he was even more curious about her being in the hospital. He decided not to push the issue though. They were practically still strangers and she owed him no in depth story of her life.

"Come on."

"Where we going? "

"You need a drink."

"Apollo's Cafe?"

"I was thinking lower." They were going to work on the strangers part and what a better way to get to know a fellow soldier than behind a glass of batarian ale.

Purgatory was packed as usual, the music audible as soon as they stepped out of the elevator. James made his way through the crowd, the little engineer in tow, and secured a spot at the bar for them. There, the mood was more visibly desperate than on the Presidium, people drinking away their fear and sorrow for the fallen. He turned towards Jun now perked on a high stool next to him, her eyes wide and searching.

"What are you drinking?"

"Um, whatever you're having."

"You never explored this far, princess?" He chuckled and ordered his ale and some asari honey mead for her, deciding he didn't want her in an alcohol induced coma. Shepard would kick his ass.

"Hmm, what gave me away?"

"You look like a lost puppy." She cocked her neck and looked curiously at him, lips pursed in a child like manner. If not for the standard alliance uniform she was wearing, she would have looked nothing like a soldier in that moment. He was even more taken aback by her next words.

"I've never seen a puppy."

"How could- Really?"

"Yeah, I saw a few of those big military dogs, but never an actual puppy. Anyway I think I'm more of a cat person. Saw one of them bastards on Earth last month and nearly took it with me."

"But you did your military training on Earth, right?"

"Some of it." She drowned the glass in one swift movement, the subject clearly touchy. "Look, I've been to Earth twice, once for the military when I spent most of my time on base and now after Shepard turned herself in. Did a little exploring this time around, but can't say I've actually seen much." He took a long drag from his own glass, the familiar burn tingling his throat. It was a shame so many humans were so far away from their home planet, Earth was a wonder like none he'd ever seen. "I've always been a little envious of those who lived back there. Out here, there's no place that's really your own, you know?"

"There's no place like it." He hadn't wanted his voice to sound so broken, but he was reminded of his uncle, the warm days spent on the beaches and the giant robots trampling everything there. The cold fingers on his arm brought him out of memory lane, her hand looking so fragile on him.

"We're going to get Earth back." The emotion on her face was almost palpable, she wore her heart on the shelve like none other and he found himself wondering out loud.

"How did someone like you end up on this crazy crew?"

"Someone like me? What's so different about me?" He regarded her for a moment, her unscathed skin, doe like eyes and soft hand still on his arm. What was different about her? Everything, but not in a bad way. She could pull her weight in a fight and was trustworthy enough for Anderson and Shepard to keep her around. She had her fair share of past trauma and was by all means, an Alliance officer.

"Didn't mean it as an insult..."

"What did you mean by it then?"

"Look, I saw you are capable on the battle field and you even saved my ass back on Mars."

"But? Courage Vega, I don't bite. Too hard." She pulled back her hand, but broke into a smile and he relaxed. He thought he might have offended her, yet there she was trying to make him uncomfortable. It was going to take a lot more for her to make him blush.

"But you're so... soft."

"Soft?"

"Yeah, you don't look like... i don't know. You don't have that haunted look in your eyes the others have." Her fingers curled around her long empty glass, thumb slowly dragging on the rim. She was serious for a moment, making James think he overstepped that time. She lost her parents young, enlisted, been injured gravely enough that she didn't want to talk about it and survived Shepard's mission on the Collector's base. She'd seen her fair share of gore and surely had her own demons, probably hidden deep below the pretty surface. Why couldn't he hold his mouth shut some times? But the moment passed and she turned towards him with a wicked little grin and he couldn't help but smile as well.

"Looks can be deceiving, lieutenant. Or you're not looking close enough."

"Oh? You want me closer, cariño?"

"Well the view ain't that bad, though I've certainly seen better." She lifted her glass, pointing at him with it and changing the subject at the same time. "One more, then we go get some noodles. I'm starving!"James chuckled and ordered them two more drinks. He enjoined her presence, liked that he could be his flirty self and voice concerns without having to explain or excuse himself. And for brief moments, time until they return to Earth seemed to pass just a little faster.

Chapter 4 >

#soulglitches #james vega x reader #james vega x oc #james vega #mass effect #mass effect 3

[fredtorres-blog1]

Thin Mints and Matters of the Heart: Bethany & Fred - Chatzy

Fred cut the engine before she got all the way down the drive. The brick building loomed up as imposing as it had been when she was child and somehow it seemed like the only sound in the lush green grounds was Lilah’s – well, Fred had always thought of Lilah’s engine as a purr but right now it sounded like a roar. “Sorry, girl,” Fred said and patted Lilah’s sleek red flank. She walked the rest of the way in, carrying the bag of Luis’ knitted hats and scarves slung over her shoulder.

A young  nun greeted Fred in the front reception and assured her that Sister Bethany would be with her in a moment. Fred nodded her thanks. She slouched against the wall and resumed mentally rehearsing the coming conversation as she’d been doing ever since rolling out of bed and into the shower that morning.

Sister Bethany had been friends with Luis for forever, hadn’t she? Fred honestly couldn’t remember a time when Sister Bethany hadn’t been around – always on the peripheral of her vision, as much an architectural landmark of Fred’s childhood as St. Catherine’s itself and as serene and beautiful a constant as St. Catherine’s gardens. All kinds of charity work and outreach Luis and the Sister had done together. Sanctuary stuff too, the conventional kind only though. Not the supernatural, !Dios! no, Sister Bethany wasn’t part of that world. But even so, she was a part of Luis’ world – if he’d talked to anybody about whatever that letter from the hospital meant, it might be her. Yeah? Yeah, Fred told herself, yeah. I just need to subtly interrogate a nun. That’s all. At least there’ll be chocolate.

Bethany took an inappropriate amount of delight in the way all the Sisters looked up in the library as the motorcycle roared up the path. There was a value to contemplation, absolutely, but nothing quite made you love it as much as a very loud noise. And it wasn't a terrible noise, as noises go. Like an excited big cat of some kind. A tiger maybe? Something that could chuff but chose not to. She grabbed a box of thin mints off her desk and hurried to the front office, catching a glimpse of Luis' little girl before she could see her. It was strange, how old children made one feel, even when they weren't your own. The same faces, just grown. Same voices, just softer. Same eyes, just sadder. Little Fred had always been a thinker but she looked especially pensive now. Same set jaw. Same adorable nose turned down in thought. Bethany remembered when all it would take to fix that frown was a book and a corner with sun. But things had changed, like they did. An acceptance to a great school, a road trip instead. Bethany knew a thing or two about that, but she also knew that Luis and his little girl weren't ones to address such problems head on. She respected it and understood. Which was why it felt a little strange to have Winnifred appear like this. Luis was always helpful with the Good Work. The hats weren't needed quite yet. Must have been the cookies. She stepped forward, holding out an open box. "Fred! Hello!" She held back on hugging her even though she wanted too. She really was grown. "You can just put the bag here and Sister Marie Therese will get everything sorted while we head back. Did you want a receipt for taxes?"

Sister Bethany’s bright “Hello!” cut through Fred’s thoughts and produced some kind of ridiculous muscle memory of childhood -- she almost raised her arms for a hug and only barely managed to awkwardly jam her hands in her pockets instead. Oh, this is going super well, already, she chided herself, you’re not a kid anymore and some chica in a black leather jacket embracing Sister Bethany woulda probably been the scandal of the year at Saint Catherine’s.

“Uh, yeah, hi Sister,” Fred said, and set the bag down. She saw the proffered open box and almost snatched at a cookie just to have something else to do with her hands. Thin mints. Her favourites. Fred nodded and said, slightly muffled by cookies, “Thanks, a reciept’d be great.” She fell into step behind Sister Bethany and followed her, trying not to let her boots clomp too loudly down the hall.

Yes, Fred was almost 30 and had rode up on a motorcycle but the word that kept popping into Bethany's head was cute. Fred still didn't quite know where her edges were, and that was alright. A little physical awkwardness was needed to offset the brilliant brain of hers. She pushed the box at Fred again. "Winnifred. One for the road. Hallway. You know." She smiled as she led her down the hallway. She lowered her voice conspiratorially. "If anyone asks what you're doing here, say you're thinking of becoming a postulant. That way I can take you to the best places." They walked for a bit and she marched Fred past a massive stained glass window. "So, how are you, dear?"

Fred supressed a giggle at Sister Bethany’s postulant suggestion. Had Sister Bethany always had such a spark of mischief to her sense of humour? Well, it’d been a while and maybe, Fred thought, when you were a kid you were too busy with your nose in a book and your head in the sky to notice. Funny how even the human landmarks of childhood were changed – familiar yet strange – when you returned to them.

“I’m okay,” Fred said. It wasn’t, technically, a lie. She was okay. “Been on the road a lot with the Red Nights, working as a courier, seeing the world. It’s been good.” All of that was perfectly true too. No need to mention what she was couriering or what strange corners of the world she’d been seeing. “Not, I guess, what you’d have expected of me,” Fred admitted, keeping her voice level and her face impassive, “but I suppose folks didn’t expect you to become a nun.” Might as well just preempt that inevitable line of questioning, and a good offense was always the best defense. Fred’s shoulders bunched tightly and she forced them down and tried to make her voice brighter and politer, “And how are you, Sister? You and Luis still doing all the Good Works ‘round this town, yeah?”

Bethany let the subject of the past drop. She hadn't meant to poke that particular bear and wouldn't want anyone poking hers. In any case, it sounded like something Joanna would do, and she admired anyone who had Joanna's sense of daring. "Oh, on the contrary, what an adventure! Have you considered writing about it?" She caught herself. "Apologies, I don't mean to push." She walked a few more paces, deciding whether to address the nun remark at all. Trying not to think of every time someone told her she'd be a good mother, every time she pictured a ring on Fabian's finger. It took a moment, but she got there. "Oh I've always been a bit nun-ish." She gave Fred a little smile. "I wore a lot of black in high school." She was far too proud of her joke, but if she could get a smile out of Fred it was worth it. "I'm very well. Always something new, surprisingly. But the usual service work. Luis' mechanics classes with the girls always go so well. I have one or two that remind us of you."

Fred didn’t answer the writing question. The thought…startled and interested her for a moment. But before she could think how to respond, the silence grew and something tight and hurt and guarded in Sister Bethany’s walk ignited a slow burn of shame as she realized she’d surely hit Sister Bethany in the most vulnerable place she could. ¡Chinga!, she swore at herself, why do I have to have such unerring aim even when I don’t mean to?

And then, that kind, forgiving smile and the little joke and even if Fred’s throat still felt thick, she did have to laugh at the image of Sister Bethany, the teenage goth. Something clever and funny to cover the pain – how had Fred never realized how strangely alike Luis and Sister Bethany were? She realized quite suddenly that she didn’t have a hope of trying to sneak any information out of Sister Bethany. She’d see through any lie or attempt at subtlety from someone half as clumsy as Fred.

“Sister,” Fred said, stopping abruptly, “I’m sorry. I haven’t been exactly honest about why I came to visit. I s’pose you already figured that. Thing is, I’m worried about my dad and I thought if he’d have told anyone about whatever’s going on, it’d be you.”

Bethany was taken aback at Fred's forwardness but it was more admiration than annoyance. "Oh. Well." Bethany thought for a moment. She wasn't Fabian. She could say whatever she wanted. And Luis... Luis would understand. He'd be mad at first but he'd understand. She knew how it felt to be on the other side of a stubborn but charming old man. Perhaps a gentle check. Just a gentle one. "What makes you worried, Fred?"

Fred unconsciously wrapped her arms around herself and consciously forced herself to look up into the older woman’s questioning face. Meeting Sister Bethany’s gaze, Fred swallowed and then said – in a rush, all at once, trying to not feel that saying it made it real – “I think he’s ill. His hands… He hides it, but I’ve seen them shaking. And, I shouldn’t have done it, I know, but I looked through his mail and I found an empty envelope from TriStar Medical.” Fred bit her lip, let herself look down at her scuffed boots and muttered, “He’s so stubborn, he just says he’s ‘fine’ when I tried to ask. I’ve never ever suspected Luis of lying to me before this, but… .” She let the sentence trail off miserably.

Bethany “Oh Winnifred.” Bethany said, throwing her arms around her. “I’m so sorry.” She patted Fred’s back gently, waiting for the wash of her own past to ebb-- Raf barely moving, his vacant eyes watching but never seeing. “Sorry. Sorry.” Bethany said, pulling herself back together and releasing her. “I just know that can be very hard to talk about. It’s wonderful that you’re trying to engage with him about it, and it’s quite unkind of him to hold back. And unkind of me to push so.” She sat down on a bench to give Fred more room “I’m sure he’s alright. He’d tell you if there was any a risk of losing him. He’s a good one that way.”

Fred stiffened in surprise but, as Sister Bethany’s arms wrapped around her, Fred almost collapsed into the warmth and comfort. “S’okay,” Fred said in response to Bethany’s apology, “I mean, thank you.” She swallowed hard and continued, “and you weren’t being unkind, just careful, and I respect that.” 

“I guess you’re right. I think he would tell me if…” Fred didn't finish the sentence. “But other than Parkinson’s or cancer or something terrifying like that, I just don’t know what it could be.” She sat down next to Sister Bethany and admitted “I’ve been too scared to google, you know? And When I add it up, it sounds like I’m being paranoid or something. His hands shake, mostly when he’s tired I think. He’s drinking more than he used to, and it seems like he’s quit coffee?! Which sounds like nothing but, you know him, he’s always drinking that dark sludge of terrible coffee he makes and now, suddenly, he’s not. And somehow, I got such a strong feeling this time, when I came home, that he needed me to stay.” She shrugged tightly and asked, “Am I just imagining things? Have you noticed his hands shaking?”

Bethany exhaled, long and slow. There were questions and answers. There was the issue of trust. Luis was a longtime ally. A friend who treated her like a person rather than some virginal Catholic penguin to be feared or condescended to. They always made a funny pair, her in her habit and him in his leather jacket. “We’re the first line of a joke.” he'd say with an easy smile, making her forget the looks that surrounded them. Fred was his. His to raise and love and lie to, if he so chose. But Bethany couldn't shake that look in Fred’s eyes, a ghostly reflection of her own. “Tata,” she'd say, calling into the abyss. “Are you alright?” And he’d only look far away. I’m alright, Perełko. And into the darkness he’d go again... “Oh, never Google.” Bethany said. “You know I’m one for research but one has to be able to assess their sources and with medical things, even sites with MD in their name can be questionable at best.” She bit her lip a little. The drinking was a new symptom. If it was a symptom. Luis never drank in front of Bethany. Not even a beer on a sweltering summer day. “His hands do shake now, I agree. It worries me, but again, he knows he needs to be around for many reasons including you.” She smiled gently. “I trust your instincts that he needs you to stay but he’s your father, dear. He’s always going to need you.” Bethany swallowed, taking the leap. “How much is he drinking?”

Fred let her breath out in a whoosh that surprised even herself. It was strange to realize that it was actually a relief to have her fears confirmed, just to know that she wasn’t imagining it. But she shook her head at Bethany’s question. “No. Not very much I don’t think. I think...” She paused, wrestling with how to explain it. He was drinking more, but it wasn’t that he was drinking a lot. “He’s never drunk much. Just socially, occasionally, with the Nights, or up at the Back Forty, or when we visit his family up in Texas. When I had to stop drinking for a little while, ‘cause of a medication I was on, he got Angie to start mixing non-alcoholic drinks and switched to those with me and I don’t think he was just being kind when he said he liked them better anyways. But now he’s got this bottle of gin in a cupboard with a shot glass. But it’s not disappearing at an alarming rate or anything. Seems like he’s taking a shot in the evenings, mostly, and maybe once or twice when he’s been extra stressed with a rushed repair.” Fred chewed on her lip for a second and frowned. “I...feel slightly funny talking about drugs with you, Sister, but the thing it’s reminding me of is when I was in college, one of my dorm-mates, she had some kind of pain disorder. Juvenile arthritis or something. And she used marijuana for it. But she didn’t use it like the other kids at college, you understand? Not to get high or for fun. Her pain levels got worse over the course of the day, so she’d mostly smoke some in the evenings, or sometimes when she had an exam or an important event or something like that. And, I dunno, it almost seems like Luis is drinking like that. Self-medicating?”

Bethany waved her hand a bit. “We aren’t Scientologists, dear. The Church’s position on substances is a complicated one, no matter what JP2 said.” She winked one of those ‘I’m not like other teachers. I’m a cool teacher.’ winks. Maybe it was ironic. Maybe not. “We’re anti-opiate of the masses for sure, but dependency is the real danger here. It doesn’t sound like your friend couldn’t get by without it, just that she was using it for pain management. Generally, God would like you to be happy and in control of yourself, even if that takes some help. But that’s neither here nor there. Best to ask a priest. They’re allowed to actually rule on these things.” She resisted the urge to recommend someone. Fabian was an excellent priest. She’d always known he would be. Plus she was 95% sure he’d agree with her. “Self-medicating is a dangerous word but I’d love to know what his doctors said. There are certain movement disorders that are eased by alcohol. Usually they go for compounds that aren’t quite like alcoholic beverages but gin is quite delicious.” She swallowed. “I tried it strictly in graduate school, for the record.”

Fred couldn’t help laughing at Bethany’s wink, despite still suffocating something that felt almost like a sob in the back of her throat. It was strange but good to sit here with this woman who had known her since she was a baby and talk with her, adult to adult. “Thank you, Sister,” Fred said. “I hadn’t meant to blurt all that out, I’d meant to be subtle about it,” she snorted softly at herself and continued, “but it was kind of you to listen like that and I’m grateful for your perspective and knowledge.” She examined her fingernails and admitted, “And you’re right. I need to know what his doctor’s have said. I need to sit down and talk with him, like I’ve talked with you. Quit dancing around it. I’ve got a job – I’m on my way to pick up a package to deliver, after this – but when I get back, I’ll do it.” She let her breath out in a small sigh. “And I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be treating you like my therapist or something and I shouldn’t add to your worries...” As she said it, she belatedly realized that that was what she was seeing on Sister Bethany’s face – worry lines. Those surely hadn’t been there the last time she’d seen her? Of course, she’s older, that’s all.  But – before she could stop herself, Fred added, “which I hope aren’t many...” She let it trail off. It could be a question if Sister Bethany wanted to answer it, or it could be easily brushed aside if she wanted to do that.

 “Oh, subtle can be overrated.” Bethany said “Especially in matters as important as this.” Matters of the heart. she thought, crushing the hypocrisy down. “I’ve never been able to get what I need by doing anything other than asking for it. Forcefully, but nicely.” Another one of those little smiles. Cheeky. Well, cheeky for a nun. “Judging by the sound of that beautiful vehicle you rode in on, nicely may not be… what do the girls call it… your brand? But in any case, I’ve found the most direct choice is often the most effective one, regardless of how that must be expressed.” She meant it too. She knew Fred’s path hadn’t been easy for many, many reasons and was relieved that she felt safe enough to talk about these things at all. “It was my honor, Fred.” The light hit Bethany’s cheek just so, making her feel old and young all at once. Fred was grown and Bethany had not. Or maybe she just felt she hadn’t. Jo had grown, yes. But Bethany had always felt the same. Until he came. And then she felt it. The gap, the years, the weight of wanting grown rotten with time. “No worries so much as cares. Things change, you know? And sometimes they fold back in on themselves like a snake eating its tail.” Or a heart eating a brain. She smiled again, brave face. “I don’t have to tell you how it feels to be back in an environment you hadn’t planned on. Old friends reminding you of who you were before you knew what that was.”

Fred felt an ache in the back of her throat that said yes, I understand, and most of all she understood that what Bethany was really saying was largely in the careful spaces, the words not said. And Fred wanted so badly to have a response as kind and eloquent and right. But she didn’t. Nicely wasn’t her brand. Luis would have the right words, the right gentleness for this, but she didn’t. Bethany’s dark eyes were warm and sad and crinkled up around the corners with that graceful smile. And Fred just said, huskily, “Yeah.” She started to turn away, and then forced herself back, and rushed out clumsily, “If you ever want to talk about, you know, whatever, I... I’m not a good listener and I never know the right things to say, but... I’d be there, or whatever.” Quickly, before there could be any awkward pause, Fred pushed a cheque into Sister Bethany’s hands. “That’s for toiletries or whatever else the folks on the street need most right now, I figured you and they’d know better than me and money’d be more useful than anything else.” Fred shoved her hands in her pockets and said softly, towards the floor, “Thanks for the cookies and the kindness, Sister.”

 “I appreciate that. Thank you.” Bethany had worked with enough teenagers to know when someone was uncomfortable. Emotions were tricky things in any context, and Fred had never been one to share easily. She took the check delicately, trying to give Fred as much room as she could. “That’s profoundly thoughtful. I’ll have them mail you a receipt to the garage? Tax deductions and all that?” She caught herself. Did Fred even file? Did Luis? It was none of her business. She didn’t even remember how it worked any more. “I won’t always have cookies but I’m here if you need or want anything.” She whispered conspiratorially -- “Or if you just want to put the fear of God into us with your Harley” Bethany gently guided Fred back towards the entrance to the convent, giving her a potential exit if she wanted it.

Fred gratefully moved with Bethany towards the convent entrance. It had been good and she was glad – gladder than she would have ever guessed she’d be – to have talked, really talked, like this with Sister Bethany, but she needed the wind in her face and Lilah’s purr in her ears and the open space of highway to think in. The beautiful old walls around her had started to suffocate and stifle. She nodded, “Yeah, yeah, mail us a receipt. Luis’ hates paperwork but he’s good about keeping all his receipts and I do his taxes for him every year.” She didn’t say, it’s important to have your records spotless when you run...things; when you’re something... other than entirely human; when you have so very many reasons to not want to draw attention to yourself and your brethren. As they reached the front door, Fred’s brain conducted a slightly panicked debate on the appropriateness of a hug vs. a handshake and was still doing so as her body took over and, to her brain’s profound horror, lightly punched Sister Bethany in the shoulder as she said goodbye. ¡Chinga!, she swore silently and beat a hasty retreat across the green lawns and towards Lilah.

#chatzy #c: sister bethany

[carlito55]

Forever - A Dawsey OS

Here is the first part of a little One Shot I've written (next and final part tomorrow) I hope y'all enjoy! ____________ It was cold outside. Not the usual type of cold. The cold that surrounded you, that sunk deep into your bones and made a shiver role up your spine. A cold that told you that no matter what you did, something bad was going to happen, even though there was no way you could tell what it would be and when it would happen. This cold told Matt Casey something - today was going to mark an important event in his life, for better or worse and he wasn't quite sure if he was ready for it. Walking down the stairs of the apartment he shared with his wife, he swiftly headed towards his old battered truck. Looking at the name that was written on the side and taking a minute to admire the name he saw, he remembered the day he decided to start his little construction business. The one he used as an excuse to leave the outside world and clear his head as he smashed defenceless iron nails into the hard wood of the object he was building. Although he didn't get out to the jobs he had as often as he wanted because of the paperwork he took home and spending time with the woman he loved, sometimes some time to himself was what he needed and the memories they provided him with brought a smile to his face. Starting the truck and waiting for the engine to warm up a little, he pressed the button on the dashboard that instantly filled the silence. Pushing the truck into drive, Matt let the voice of the news correspondant fill the air around him as he looked over to the passenger seat and mourned the fact he was still driving to work alone. As part of her annual schedule, Gabby had been taken in as an instructor at the Paramedic's academy over at the main CFD building in the heart of the city. She loved the feeling of being in the field, but even Matt knew that it was good for her to shift life down a gear, work the usual nine to five shift for a bit, and see what it was like to work a closer to normal job. Although he hated every minute he spent without her at his side, he loved the fact that she was proud of passing on her extensive knowledge to the upcoming paramedics that would one day be the life and strength of the city. Knowing the feeling she was having about teaching the new recruits, because he had been given the pleasure of doing the job himself, he let the happiness of knowing she was safe in a warm building rather than out in the dangerous cold streets of Chicago warm him on this cold day. Pulling up to the firehouse, Matt pulled the gear shift back and rolled the car into 'park'. Listening to the old engine tick over for a second he savoured the last few moments of warmth before leaning over to the foot well of the interior and grabbing his tatty old brown duffel bag. Taking a deep breath as he mustered up the courage to take a step outside, Matt pushed the door open with his shoulder and slid out of the door as fast as he could. The cold was around him now, seeping into every pour of his body and as he fumbled with the keys to lock the door, his CFD fleece was not putting up to the bitterness of the weather. Throwing the strap of his bag over his shoulder, Matt surged forward, checking the road was clear as he ran towards the firehouse in a dead sprint in desperation to get out of the chilling wind. The exertion of movement heated his central body mass but his extremities were still suffering. Matt pulled the door open and threw his bag down on the apparatus floor as he vigorously rubbed his hands together to gain back some of the feeling he'd lost. "Holy crap!" he said to himself as he saw something move out of the corner of his eye. "Cold enough for you?" Kelly Severide asked as he moved swiftly over to him, the morning paper tucked lightly under his arm. Lifting his head from his hands Matt looked up and pulled a face. "I think i just saw a penguin - crying." "Aww grow a pair, you big softy!" Kelly chuckled as he hit Matt on the arm with the paper that was now in his hand. "Ever since you and Gabby-" "If you're gunna make a joke about me and Gabby one more time, i swear to God Kelly I'll-" "Woah, whoa slow down there pretty boy. The day has just started. I don't want to have to fight you as early as this." Severide said with a laugh, the sarcasm in his voice making Matt look at him with a glare before it softened into one of his trademark side smiles. "You know what I'm like when i don't get to speak to her before work." Matt replied as he grabbed the bag at his feet and began for the common room, throwing his head to one side to gesture that he wanted Kelly to follow him. "She not want you to wake her up so she could say goodbye as you left?" Kelly asked swinging the paper hand casually by his side, the other rested gently in his pocket. Matt rounded the corner and Kelly followed him as he smiled at Capp, who was passing with a cup of coffee to hand to his lieutenant. When he was out the way, Kelly took one look at it and decided that Matt was in more need of it at that moment than anyone. "Here, take this." Kelly prompted with a smile. Matt looked from the coffee cup to his friend and smiled, "are you sure Capp won't be offended if i take it?" a boyish grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. "I'm sure Capp's little heart will get over it one day." Kelly laughed as he handed it over and watched Matt take a large mouthful. "Still the shittiest thing i have ever tasted," both men chuckled as they continued down the hallway. "Gabby did say she wanted me to wake her up but i couldn't do it. She had a rough last shift and she's been super busy with Diego and Eva staying with us because Antonio caught this big case and Laura being on holiday - she just deserved a break you know, so i let her sleep in." Kelly leaned against one of the lockers as he watched his friend turn in his password and throw his bag into his locker before he slammed it shut and returned the padlock to its rightful place. "You're too good to her, you know that?" Matt shook his head, a distant look on his face. "I wish you were right Kelly, i really do but I'm not. There is always gunna be a guy better suited to her out there, she just hasn't met him yet." "Hey!" Kelly exclaimed grabbing Matt by the shoulders and pulling him to face him. "You are the guy she's always been in love with-" "but-" "no buts Matt, it's the truth." He sat down on the bench, his hand guiding his friend to take the seat beside him. "I know it was hard for you last shift, loosing that kid okay? I know it was hard for her too but you can't take your feelings out in the way that will ultimately make you sadder than you need to be. You both did everything you could to save that little boy and we all know that - stop beating yourself up about it. Now, what does Boden always jam into out idiotic little minds?" Matt finally laughed telling Kelly he was making some headway. "Kelly, come on I'm not - " "What does he say?" Kelly prompted again, another smile growing on his face. Matt finally gave in, "New shift. New tale to tell." "There's a good boy." Kelly chuckled as he rose to his feet, taking the now empty cup of coffee out of Matt's hand and placing it on top of one of the lockers. "You're gunna be okay, both of you - you hear me?" Matt found his feet and stood up before nodding and finally letting his blue eyes meet with Kelly's. "Thanks bud." "You know i always got your back." Severide smiled before he turned and began the walk towards his office. Suddenly, the air was filled with the familiar Klaxon and the voice of a dispatch worker from main filled the air. "Truck 81, Squad 3 - request for unknown call at headquarters. That's Truck 81 and Squad 3 for an unknown call at headquarters." "It's half ten in the morning, they have the smoke box on fire already?" Casey joked as they ran to the trucks. The ride over was nothing short of normal. The odd amount of chatter filling the air as Casey sat in silence and let the voices of his men chatting and laughing calm his nerves. A call that was unknown was a usual prospect on the job that they did, you couldn't always know everything about every situation you went to, and they all accepted that. Rolling the truck to a controlled stop, as always, Cruz shoved the truck into park as Matt used his shoulder to barge open the door. Already with his SCBA tank on his back like a rucksack and his mask dancing around to his side, Matt strode over to the large group of people huddled out on the sidewalk - CFD patches lighting up the area of uniformed darkness. Clearing his throat, Casey took the opportunity to stand on a hip high wall so he was visible to everyone that was on site. "Okay, Hi - Hello? - Can everyone listen up please!" Everyone turned around to face him, a sea of eyes now resting upon his body. "We need everyone to back up out the way so my company and i can get through with equipment. I would appreciate if you gave them the room they needed, and-" "Lieutenant!" Came a voice. Casey wasn't sure where it had come from but he knew instantly who it was, his heart warming at the sight as the students parted for the little woman to get by. "Although it may be lovely for us all to see a natural born leader like yourself standing on this poor excuse of a wall," a little giggle went around the huddle of people. "there is an immediate need of a firefighter in room 6b." The smirk on Gabby's face and the unurgency she was talking with was making it hard for Matt to keep a straight and professional stance - he could tell his cheeks were heating up the closer she got to him. Clearing his throat once again, Matt took a deep breath and called over to his men. "You all know where that is, go take some silver bullets and I'll meet you inside."
"Uh huh." a few of them said with a cheeky smile as they headed for the building. Herrmann held back and let a boyish grin out at his lieutenant - the eye contact he was holding with his boss making the other members of the team giggle as they shook their heads and carried on their order. "And what will you be doing out here then?" Casey smiled, his arms being brought out to the sides so it looked like he was on a cross. "Crowd control." Herrmann began to follow the rest of his company to the building, an extinguisher lightly in his hand. He looked over his shoulder and said something loudly so he knew his boss could hear him. "I'm sure it's only Gabby that'll gain the supervision of our ever so fearless leader-" "Hey!" Casey called as Herrmann disappeared through the doorway. Looking down at Gabby, who was now at his feet and offering her hand, he took it and hoped down to be standing next to her. "Hey, you okay?" She smiled at him, the way her eyes scanned him as it was the first time she had seen him since the previous day, checking that everything was okay. The smile she was getting from him told her that he was in fact okay and happier than she had seen him in a while. "Everything okay?" she asked as she swiped her hand back and forth in front of his eyes to try and wake him from his daydream. Suddenly aware that he had drifted off into a part of his brain that he would happily have stayed in, Matt blinked and looked around and thankfully saw that the rest of the academy students were either chatting with one another or looking at their phones. Turning his attention back to his wife he took her all in. "Looking good as ever in your shirt." Giggling at the fact he was trying to be smooth that he had been caught in a day dream, Gabby rolled her eyes. "I don't even get a 'hello' or a 'how are you this morning?' huh?" Smiling at the fact she was flirting with him, Casey chuckled. "Okay, look I'm sorry. Let me try again?" She laughed and nodded as he turned around, stayed there for a second and turned back to face her. "Oh, Gabby hi! I didn't see you there. How are you this fine morning?" Gabby gigged shoving his shoulder as she turned to see the rest of 81 coming out of the building. "You're lucky that you're cute Mr Casey, you really are." "I'm cute am I, aww look at you Mrs Casey getting a little soft, is she?" "Matt, shut up!" She laughed as she looked over her shoulder and saw the rest of her class filing back into the building. "Now, kiss your girl so we can both go back to our jobs." "I don't see an Ambo anywhere – " Grabbing the collar of his turnout jacket she pulled him towards her, their lips touching for a moment before Gabby pulled away leaving Matt pulling a kissy face at her. "You need to grow up, you and Kelly are a pair of children." She giggled as she shoved him in the direction of the truck and headed for the main building. Watching her go, Matt saw her laugh to herself before she shouted over her shoulder: "I married a child!" After laughing to himself, Matt instantly felt alone. Like a little piece of him was taken away as she left him. Although he knew he would see her soon after she had finished work, he still wanted to be with her, the brief encounter with her not being enough to satisfy his current feelings. After losing the kid the shift before they head a long talk about the future. What they hoped for and what they wanted to do, but starting a family was the one thing that had stuck in his mind. They spent hours talking about their family and what life would be not just having to look after one another but a child of their own. That gave him hope in that moment of sadness. Before he could come to grips with his feelings, the sound of the truck's horn came blasting through the air, ripping every molecule of his feelings from his current state of attention. Turning around, he saw the truck shaking as the men inside tried to hide their hysteria as they watched their lieutenant have a moment to himself. Matt closed his eyes and let a thankful smile spread across his face before staring towards the rest of the goons he worked with. He was thankful for them being there, being there to make him feel happy even though he knew he wanted to just sit in a dark room and be grumpy with everything that was wrong in the world. He was thankful that they were there to cheer him up even when they didn't know he was sad. Finally reaching the door, Matt grabbed the handle and swung himself up into his rightful spot at the helm of 81. Through the laugher, which now Matt was joining in on, Cruz looked at him and said, "feel ready to join us Lieu?" Casey nodded his head as he rolled his eyes. The truck surged into motion and again they were back on the road heading for home.