#but then again it's better to be apathetic that to respond like our family so it's a lose-lose situation

[lifesliced]

I have a hard time developing ocs so I was just wondering if oyu had any advice to help make my ocs more developed? You always have such detailed metas and i don't even know where to start.

hey sorry it's taken me a few days to respond to this but thank you for coming to me to ask! i really don't have that much advice, i say just make them as realistic as you can –– i won't lie to you and say that i don't take direct influence off both off other works of fiction, but i also look around a lot at the people around me and see what makes them...them. human. i take a lot of influence not necessarily off of myself or my life, but of the lives of people around me and certain traits or personality types that i see on the day-to-day or just encounter. sometimes that sparks inspiration, other times i just sort of have this idea and go for it. akira and nana (the first immediate 2 in my slice of life cast) came on a literal whim; i wanted to write someone like akira who was more apathetic, a bit lazy, not really sure where he was going in life, at the crux age of being 28/going into 29/going into his thirties soon and still not really knowing himself, but having a clear sense that i know who he is if that makes sense? i also don't see a lot of just legit retail works so i sort of started there and built the rest of the cast from him and went from there -- i didn't see a lot of seamstresses in nana's position or many mechanics, and i know a lot of families that tend to go into businesses together, that tend to stick together, and for the nishikawa family i took some inspo off an old friend that's family basically does have a sort of compound, as well as the way my old co-workers sort of treated our place of work as a second-home. take from life even in fantasy, i say, and just remember to keep them balanced. no one is perfect, but everyone is human, or has humanlike qualities or aspirations, etc to them even if your character isn't human.

i hope this helps, i also feel like development comes with time, characters start to fill themselves out, situations come that a character ends up fitting better than another etc (ren being a dad versus akira being a dad for example, it worked great for ren's pre-existing story, but would not work for akira).

edit: i also just do a bunch of research on wherever my character is from, their environments, their culture, their society, how people interact where they’re at, how they’re alike and different from those around them, as well as how they fit into that world. i also do a lot of research into their careers if their career is a big deal for them (like ren), but also if their career isn’t easily understood or is often misunderstood (again like ren i would say). 

if i can help any further please lmk!! either on or off anon is fine with me <3

#anon

[forehead-enthusiast]

Checkmate

Pairing: Haechan x Reader

Genre: enemies to lovers, fluff but it gets slightly steamy at one point (still totally sfw)

Word Count: 6k

Summary: You and Haechan get engaged, because anything is better than the process of trying to get engaged. That being said, having a fiancé you hate isn’t that much better.

Author’s notes: remember me???????? I’m alive, yeah. I’m super proud of this fic, I think it’s my best ever, so please give it a read!!

.

Haechan inhaled the overwhelming scent of floral perfume, and barely managed to stifle a gag. His father arranged for him to meet more and more foreign princesses every week, and he wondered where the man even kept finding them. Were there even this many countries? The prince’s surroundings were beginning to blend into a blur of painted smiles and emotionless eyes. He cursed that stubborn old man in his mind, and questioned furiously why it was even so important that he find a bride any time soon. Still, no matter how much he despised it, he knew his father wouldn’t accept anything less. 

He looked into the sea of lace gowns and resigned himself.

Maybe he’d just choose someone. Anyone. He smiled morosely, knowing all the women there were only after their shot at the throne anyway. They were here to use him, why shouldn’t he use them too? The apathetic thought left a bad taste on his tongue. Still, in his exhaustion at his circumstances, it seemed more and more reasonable the longer he considered it.

He searched throughout the crowd of giggling princesses, unable to distinguish between their faces. 

One after another, they approached him, with candied smiles and words that were far too practiced. One after another, they convinced him a loveless marriage with someone half-decent was far preferable to enduring this a moment longer. One after another, they revealed themselves to be absolutely unbearable, and Haechan grew more and more desperate to find someone that didn’t make him want to throw himself off a balcony after three sentences.

You stood at the back of the crowd, prodded by impatient elbows and sneered at by women hiding their smirks behind fans. You rolled your eyes, unable to understand this need, this hunger to marry someone they’d never met. That was your problem, according to your parents. And your advisors. And your tutors. According to everyone, really. You’d been to so many different kingdoms, trying to seduce unfamiliar princes, but could never bring yourself to actually put any effort into it. The carriage that shipped you to each one was beginning to feel more like home than the castle you’d left.

You watched girl after girl leave the ballroom, looking thoroughly dejected. It was hard not to relish in their failure just a bit, but you dreaded whatever high standards this prince was going to judge you with. You had little to offer. Your background, your kingdom, your land- none could remotely compare to his. Your parents were completely insane to even think you had anything that would make you lucrative as a bride to him.

Maybe they’re hoping he’ll behead me. You chuckled.

Still, the crowd continued to thin, and you couldn’t put off meeting him forever. A few of the weaker-hearted girls nudged you forward, suddenly less eager to meet the sharp-tongued prince. 

You sighed, and decided to get it over with.

.

Haechan rubbed at his temples, barely even looking at the girl who approached him now. He’d made up his mind to find a bride today, but his prospects weren’t looking so good. His eyes caught the hem of this princess’s dress. It was unadorned. He’d go so far as to call it plain. Many princesses were after his riches, but he’d never seen one that was so blatantly poor. Most at least tried to disguise their lack of wealth, so as to make them more desirable in terms of growing power. He half-chuckled, half-sighed. His gaze traced upward lazily, until it came across the first unsmiling face he’d seen all day. It shocked him so much that his hand dropped from his face, and he stood up instinctively.

“Your highness, thank you for allowing me to meet with you today-”

It was the most monotonous, disinterested introduction he’d ever heard, and his heart soared. You hadn’t even noticed he’d stood up. Incredible.

“Let’s get married.”

“I hope- excuse me?”

“Let’s get married. Can we go right now?” The question was directed to the attendant beside him, who sputtered at the prince’s sudden enthusiasm. No one, however, was more surprised at him than you. Your skirts were still clutched in your fists, your knees still bent in a curtsy. You couldn’t even manage to feel happy that he’d chosen you.

If anything, you felt angry.

He was rattling off instructions to his attendant about the wedding he’d already begun to plan, completely ignoring you. You hadn’t even responded to his proposal, if you could call his demand that. You tried to get in a polite word in time and time again, only for him to not even acknowledge you, until you got so sick of him talking you couldn’t stand it anymore.

“No!”

Finally, he turned to you.

“No?”

“I don’t want to marry you.” You ignored the consequences of your words, and avoided thinking about the awaiting rage of your parents.

The prince blinked. 

Then he scoffed.

“Of course you do.”

You cocked an eyebrow, your expression not betraying how absolutely pissed those four words had made you. Instead, the first smile you’d shown him spread on your face. It was chillingly false, your eyes boring deep holes into his face as you sweetly replied:

“I’d burn down this castle before I married you, your highness. Good day.”

And with that, you turned and left the ballroom.

Haechan didn’t move for a few moments as he watched you stalk away, a picture of grace even in your anger. The women who remained and witnessed began to whisper, snapping him out of his shock. His head flicked around the room, trying to comprehend what had just happened. Then, just as you vanished around a corner, he took off after you.

He’d been turned down. How? Why? He was rich. He was influential. You were neither. He felt a nagging pang of guilt, but suppressed it. You were poor. His proposal was a generous offer, for you and your kingdom. You were the one losing out by rejecting him. So why? Why was he the one chasing after you? He cursed under his breath as he caught sight of your back.

“You! Wait up!”

You heard him calling, but only sped up. 

“I will call the guards if you don’t stop this instant! I-I command you to stop!”

You did. Then you turned on your heel, with a glare that would send armies fleeing, and stomped towards him much faster than he knew a princess could. He flinched as you were suddenly toe to toe with him, taller than he expected. You seemed smaller when he was sitting on his throne. You sneered at his reaction.

“Do you need your guards just to take care of one woman, little prince?��

He flushed, but you didn’t let him respond.

“You don’t even know my name. I’m not, ‘you.’ I don’t know why you want to marry me, but if you want me to agree, maybe learn that first.”

“You-” Haechan fumbled, unused to someone being blunt with him. He flared up, unable to think straight.

“You’re lucky to get an offer like this, you know.”

He saw the way your eyes widened in indignation, but kept digging his own grave as if he’d find treasure eventually.

“You won’t get an opportunity like this again. And, for your information, I only want to get married so I can finally be done with all,” he gestured towards the direction of the ballroom you’d both just left, “this.”

Despite your anger, his reason struck a chord within you. Not that that made your tone any less cutting.

“So I’m supposed to be grateful that you’re using me?”

“We’re royalty. We’re all getting used by someone, aren’t we?”

You bit the inside of your cheek, and he could tell you didn’t find the idea all so repulsive. He pressed forward.

“You’re tired of it all too, aren’t you? Or do you want to keep getting shoved at princes? We’d both get our parents off our backs. It’s a good deal.”

It was frustrating, but your desire to stop meeting spoiled princes was beginning to outweigh your immense dislike of this one. And as much as you hated it, he was right when he said you wouldn’t get an offer as good as this one ever again. Maybe that’s why he chose you, you supposed. He knew you couldn’t afford to say no. (Not that that had stopped you.) It just angered you that he saw you as someone so desperate, so needy, so pitiful. 

“...Fine.” You stuck out your hand in impersonal assent. “But. I don’t want to marry you.”

“Yeah, me neither.”

“I’m not done, little prince.” He restrained his scowl and motioned for you to continue. “Let’s just get engaged. That’s enough reason to end all the marriage meetings, and then if it turns out I really just cannot stand you, we’ll call it off. Fine?”

“Fine.”

He shook your hand firmly.

Despite the way you both glared at each other, neither of you could deny how pleased you were with this arrangement. 

While you sent word to your family, he went directly to his, who were thoroughly, almost obnoxiously happy that he’d found someone. He forced a grin and made up some lies about how he’d fallen for you at first sight. They weren’t exactly excited about your less than impressive background, but weren’t about to reject the only girl who’d managed to catch their discerning son’s eye.

Within a day, it was announced throughout all your fiancé’s kingdom that he’d found a woman to wed. You managed to laugh about how all the other princesses must be incredibly jealous of you at this moment, but couldn’t quite get over the fact that you were one foot into a lifelong commitment with the rudest man you’d ever had the displeasure of meeting. It was a troubling internal conflict. On one hand, he was the worst. On the other, the same could be said for just about every other prince you’d ever met. So really, it was an overall win that this one didn’t expect you to love or fawn over him.

At least, that’s what you repeated to yourself as you received the list of engagement events you were expected to attend alongside him.

.

“Do we really have to do this?” You groaned.

“Just shut up and smile, they’re about to see us.”

You reluctantly did as he said, forcing an exuberant grin onto an unwilling face. Your carriage turned into the courtyard, and crowds cheered wildly, as if they actually cared about your wellbeing in some way. You waved gently, relieved your upbringing was so ingrained within you that you could play your role without ceasing your fantasies of punching your fiancé in the face. As you reached your places of honor, Haechan offered a gallant hand to help you down, and you almost admired how well he played the part of a loving gentleman.

It was such a truly lovely banquet being thrown for you, it almost made you feel bad for lying. Haechan seemed to be thinking similarly, and, forgetting to be vindictive, leaned over to whisper jokingly in your ear.

“Poor fools actually think we’re in love.”

You laughed brightly without thinking. Both of you then remembered you hated each other, and stared at each other in shock before looking away sharply. You waved again, happy to be doing something that made sense to you. The hordes of celebrating nobles clapped and called out their congratulations again as soon as they saw you move, not wanting to get on the bad side of what they assumed was their future queen. That was a pretty nice feeling, and you accidentally smiled sincerely.

Haechan, still stunned by the sound of your real laugh, wasn’t prepared to see your real smile. His eyes widened. It was more beautiful than he expected, and didn’t threaten him with cavities the way every woman in his life’s did. If they were processed white sugar, you were honey with all the real sweetness in the world on your face. He hazily tried to remember when he last smiled genuinely. You turned to him with a gleam in your eye, and he took your hand before rationality could persuade him otherwise.

The smile dropped off your face, and your gaze flicked to your intertwined fingers, then to his expression, which seemed even more confused than yours somehow. He looked boyish and bashful, and you wondered if your haughty fiancé had a far more charming twin.

Lucky for Haechan, the crowd cheered yet louder at the sight of your supposed affection, and he tilted his head towards them as if to say, See, that's why. Normally, you wouldn't have believed it was part of his plan, but it was easier that way. You let him lift your entwined hands in some playfully bragging way, and rolled your eyes.

.

“Alright, so I get the bed.”

“That’s funny. No, I get the bed. It’s my kingdom!”

“You are not being very gentlemanly right now.”

“And you didn’t seem like the kind of girl who’d enforce those kinds of antiquities.”

You scowled, and Haechan looked smug, which only intensified your frustration.

“Fine. Then let’s decide fairly, little prince.” You loved to call him that, just to see him pretend it didn’t irk him. “If I beat you in chess, I get the bed. And vice versa.”

“...Fine, small princ- annoying- um- pret- dum-”

You couldn’t help but grin at his attempts. “Nice try, but I’m not immature enough to be annoyed by a silly nickname.”

Your fiancé grimaced and got out the chess board.

.

Hours later, you were still playing the first game of chess.

“Y/n… Can we… Can we…” Haechan yawned enormously, which of course prompted you to as well. “Can we maybe… call a truce for tonight? It’s a big bed. We have to be up early for a garden party.”

You wanted to rejoice in his surrender, but your eyes were teary with exhaustion. Instead of the easy win you expected, you’d been in the longest game of your life. It seemed like you two were well matched for one another.

As opponents, of course.

“Fine… But just- just for tonight. We’ll play again tomorrow.”

And with that, you both crawled into the truly extravagant bed, falling asleep before your heads hit the pillows. 

Many nights passed, with an unfinished chess game at the end of each. It grew into something of a habit, a nightly chess game, always accompanied by bickering, of course. Neither of you ever managed to truly best the other, with every game ending the way the first did. As they continued, the bickering smoothed into mocking conversations, and sometimes you weren’t even mocking each other, but a common enemy. You would never admit it, but the pair of you started laughing together more often than you did at each other these days.

On some fateful Tuesday, for the first time ever, you saw a clear move to checkmate. The king was unguarded. For the first time, he was vulnerable. It was glaringly obvious, and you snuck a glance at your opponent’s face to see if it was a trap, but were taken aback when you found him already staring at you. He didn’t look triumphant or concerned, but he somehow looked… nervous. Or maybe expectant? And then you realized. He was far too good a player to make an error like this one. He was offering you a choice, from one royal with too much pride to admit they enjoyed the other’s company to another. It would be easy to end this game right now, and banish him to the floor.

You chose another move, and the game continued.

.

“So what’s on the agenda tomorrow?” You asked, with a tone more befitting of a business partner than a fiancé. The two of you had gotten pretty used to the whole routine of feigning adoration, and typically planned cute moments to perform in advance. 

Haechan looked over at you and sighed in a way that might have been more amused than exasperated. 

“Would it kill you to sit like a lady?”

You looked down at yourself, eating a biscuit you’d pocketed from today’s lavish banquet, with your legs criss-crossed as you lounged on the bed in your nightgown. The white fabric was hiked up above your knees to accommodate the posture, and catching all the crumbs that fell.

“Aren’t I?”

Haechan couldn’t mask his amiable laugh at that. You felt strangely proud when you made him truly laugh. It was one of the few times his shoulders really relaxed, and he looked like the cheerful boy he might’ve been without the pressure of royalty on his back.

“So… what’s on the agenda?”

Haechan didn’t answer right away. He was still looking your direction but seemed zoned out. 

“Haechan?”

He flinched, always shocked when you used his real name instead of a mocking nickname.

“W-what? Oh, we’ve got a ball.”

“Ugh… Boring. You better not leave me alone with all the gossiping hags.” 

“Yeah, sure. Uh, for real, could you sit properly?”

“Whaaat, I’m comfy.”

“Seriously.”

That irked you. You were just sitting, and while you hadn’t fully realized it, Haechan was someone you'd grown comfortable being yourself around. You didn’t need another person in your life telling you the way you behaved was wrong, and against your will, you had begun to expect more from him. You felt something too close to heartbreak as you wondered if he was just another person who disapproved of you.

“No, I don’t want to.”

“It’s not a big deal, why can’t you?”

“Because you’re right. It’s not a big deal, so why do you seem to care so much?”

“Can you just do it?!”

“No! Didn’t you get on me for- for ‘enforcing those antiquities’ or whatever? Now you’ve got a problem with the way I sit or how I dress-”

“It’s not- it’s not like that!”

“Then what?!” You flared up at him further, as did he, but he seemed less angry and more... agitated. You laughed mockingly. “Whaaaat are you shy seeing my legs or something-”

“YES! They’re- they’re. Um. Well…” He looked at the floor, and you could’ve sworn you heard him whisper, “pretty,” before he flicked his head back up and stammered the marginally less embarrassing, “distracting.”

Your anger instantly dissolved when he confessed that, and you flushed in a way you didn’t know you could. You stared at the ground, tugging your nightgown gently down. You’d always hated being treated like a lady, but you’d never been treated like a woman, and you found you didn’t hate it quite as much. This might’ve been the first time in either of your lives that the two of you were ever actually lost for words. Neither could formulate some witty remark or snide comment, and you just boiled in the unfamiliar atmosphere neither of you sought to create.

“Uh,” Haechan broke the silence masterfully. “I-I think I’m going to turn in early.”

“Yes. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

.

You might have climbed in bed early- no chess game for the first time in ages- but you both woke up exhausted. Four feet apart, two fiancés had stayed up late replaying the night in their minds and subsequently panicking.

“G-good morning.”

“Good morning.”

The day whirled by, with most of it being spent simply getting dressed for the evening ball. You spent most of the day slapping your face and reminding yourself of how you used to act around him, and when you heard a knock at your door, you were ready.

He told himself he was, but he wasn’t. 

Haechan took a deep breath and let his gaze trail up from your skirt to your face, and he stiffened. He’d grown used to his fiancé looking beautiful in the luxurious dresses she wore daily- even though it stunned him more than he’d admit the first time. This dress was no different, no more extravagant, no, but the pink tinge on your cheeks was a beauty he couldn’t have imagined.

“You look… decent.”

He celebrated internally for managing to say something an unflustered him might have said, although some tiny part of himself wished he could pay you a compliment normally.

Your sigh slid into a laugh, and you found your rhythm in your rapport again.

“And you look just adorable, little prince.”

He glared, but was relieved to hear the dig. He offered you the crook of his elbow, and you clapped your hands to your cheeks once more before taking it. He flinched at the sharp sound, and observed your cheeks grow red again from the impact.

“Youch.”

“It’s not that bad, honestly. I’ve been doing it all day to wake myself up.”

Haechan hummed a response. He couldn’t form words; all his brainpower was focused on figuring out why that statement had just disappointed him so. As he rounded the corner towards the ballroom, though, he shook it from his mind.

You entered the ballroom to the usual thunderous applause. Haechan led you down the immaculate gold staircase, and you clung to his arm, the perfect image of a lovestruck princess. No one noticed you holding on a little tighter than usual tonight. The band struck up a song, and you took the hands of possibly the only person you'd ever considered a friend. He led you to the center of the floor and began to waltz. It was always a satisfying feeling to watch the crowds make way for you. You looked everywhere but at your partner, and aimlessly wondered if you’d even been in this ballroom before. Just when you thought you’d seen every room in the massive castle, you’d be led to a wing you didn’t even know existed. The idle thoughts occupied you, which was probably for the best, since it meant you didn’t notice the way Haechan was looking at you.

The dance ended, and you went separate ways to entertain people who made you feel like your brains were melting. Seriously, one day your mind was just going to leak out your ears and spill onto the polished floors. It was amazing how you could spend hours talking to one person night after night, but half an evening with these sycophants made you contemplate faking your own death.

Finally, your reprieve came in the form of an attendant, whispering in your ear that the crown prince was requesting your presence.

“So sorry ladies, my future husband and I are just inseparable.”

They gave you condescendingly knowing looks, their eyes practically screaming, Just wait a few more years, child, you’ll tire of each other. You had to turn away quickly so they didn’t catch you sneering at them. Whatever. You wouldn’t be with him in a few years anyway, you would have gone your separate ways by then.

Right?

Something about that thought didn’t feel right. Not even sad, just… not right. You thought rapidly as you let your attendant guide you. What was your original agreement? If I realize I… Wait… If I end up still hating him, then the engagement’s off? Those were the terms. Which meant, if you didn’t hate him, then inevitably you’d end up mar-

“Y/n!”

You looked up sharply, not realizing you’d crossed the ballroom already. However, even when looking forward, you didn’t see the person who’d just called your name. Your eyes flitted about, searching for the familiar face. You took a few steps in no particular direction, massively confused, and then suddenly terrified when a hand reached out from behind a curtain and pulled you to join its owner. Not the type to lose composure and scream, you clenched your jaw so tight it almost broke until you saw your fiancé's face shrouded in the shadows of the velvet drapes. 

“What took you so long?”

His question wasn’t at all rude, as it once might’ve been. It was one of genuine relief to see you, as if you were his solace amongst all the fools at the ball. You met his eyes for maybe the first time this evening, and they were bright and warm and looked at you the way no one ever did. Like you mattered. Like he wanted you there. Not the facade you put on for everyone, he wanted the real you. 

Oh God, I don’t hate him at all.

“Earth to y/n?” He chuckled as you snapped to attention. “Finally, you’re here. Is this the worst ball yet or what?”

“Yes! It’s seriously unbearable.”

“I knew you’d agree. By the way, have you still been slapping your face? You shouldn’t in front of guests, they’ll think you’re crazy.” He teased you over your red flush without giving it a second thought. You hadn’t touched your cheeks in hours. The realization only made you blush even more. He leaned in close, and you stood stock-still with surprise.

“Do you want to vanish for a while?”

“What?” The absurdity of the idea finally overwhelmed all other distractions from your mind. “How can we leave, we’re the guests of honor?”

“Please, nobody cares. They’re all busy trying to climb the social ladder anyway. Besides, we’ve got this great hiding spot.”

You stifled a laugh. “Yeah, squeezing between a window and some drapes is what I call ideal.”

“Hey, it’s got, like, enough room for us!”

That was a bit of hyperbole on Haechan’s part. You both barely fit in the narrow space, and you thanked the stars you hadn’t worn a larger hoop skirt tonight. Suddenly you were back to evading making eye contact again. A hush fell over you as you thought about how incorrect his statement just was, and you both grew acutely aware of how you couldn’t position yourselves in any way that would allow you to put some distance between your bodies. You cursed yourself for not postponing your life-shattering revelation about the man before you until after this little endeavor. Haechan’s mind raced as he saw the red on your skin remain even in the dim light.

You could only avoid each other’s gazes for so long. 

He locked eyes with you, and you envisioned pieces moving across a board, your king running out of ways to escape its fate. There was only one end, and you were starting to love the idea of surrendering. You whispered harshly in the sarcastic way that felt comfortable to you, still too prideful to admit your defeat.

“So are you going to kiss me, or am I going to kiss you?”

Haechan answered by pressing a palm to the back of your neck and pulling you towards him perhaps too eagerly. A second later, you’d both pulled away, frantically looking around to see if anyone was peering in on you both. You relaxed when you confirmed no one has discovered you.

“This isn’t... a good time, Haechan.”

“I could not agree more. Way too risky.”

Neither of you waited a moment more to lunge towards each other again. His lips found yours roughly, his breath already ragged with overworked patience. You grabbed his lapels, no less desperate for this moment, your lipstick smearing onto him. Your fists crushed his boutonniere, and his fingers wove into your hair and ruined the curls. There was no party beyond the curtain. You and him were alone, both desperate to memorize the taste of each other, and nothing else mattered but that. His lips parted, and yours followed suit. His tongue just brushed your lower lip, and you felt a thrill run down your spine. Your arms wrapped around his neck unconsciously, trying to get closer to him than was possible, but nothing could stop you from trying. You caught his lip between your teeth, your instincts running wild, and you wondered how either of you had endured up until this point. Now that you’d gotten a taste of each other, it seemed almost impossible not to get addicted. He gripped your hair, his other arm wrapping around your waist and not letting go. It slid down to grab your thigh and wrap it around him, your dress’s layers barely inhibiting him. Every inch of you was so aware of where it made contact with him, and you hungered for more. All facades were shed. You were both just heat and teeth and desire, without a shred of nobility between the two of you. You’d never experienced anything so perfect.

The two of you finally parted, your lips wet and the rest of you looking disastrous. He pressed his lips to your cheek, getting your own lipstick on your face, and you pulled his palm up to kiss it over and over again. Too breathless to continue and too worked up to just stop, you let the clock tick by as you left soft kisses all over each other.

“What are we going to do?” You whispered, half concerned but half amused. Between sentences, you still found places on his face yet unkissed, and remedied them. “We can’t go back out looking like this.”

“What are you talking about? I look great.” You were both too elated to remember you should be worried about your predicament, but he did seem genuinely proud of the pink smears adorning his face and neck, the teeth marks framing his lips, the fierce creases in his lapels. He brushed his fingers on your cheekbones, and looked even prouder of the mess he’d made of you. It felt like a dream to be touching you like this. Even more unreal to know that he was the cause of your disheveled hair and your chapped lips. He may or may not have imagined a moment like this before, late at night when he couldn’t stop his mind from wandering, but it was buried in the back of his mind and nowhere near as euphoric as this reality.

“No, but seriously, we can’t go out like this.”

“No yeah, for sure, you’re absolutely right.”

.

You managed to escape thanks to the tight-lipped attendant who’d led you to a curtain concealing a prince in the first place, but found yourselves rather tight-lipped too. Once you’d both washed off the lipstick and the teeth marks faded, you didn’t know how to face each other. You just crawled into bed and discreetly squirmed as you thought about all that had happened. What was more embarrassing, that you realized you might, maybe, possibly, have feelings for each other, or that the other person might know about them? It was already late when you turned out the lights, but you both stayed up longer, plagued by worries.

They must be so smug since I was all over them, I’m such an idiot.

God, I can’t believe how intense that was. What if they hated it? What if I was bad at it?

Did they only kiss me ‘cause of how much I was kissing them?

Are we like… friends? They probably don’t hate me, so…

That was really unbelievable.

I think I might really… feel something for them.

I hope they feel the way I do.

The hurricanes of concerns led to a restless night, and a mortifyingly awkward day afterward. You couldn’t even look at each other, let alone speak. Even the servants seemed to notice the tension, and you could hear them giggling when they’d disappear into the corridors. You tried to tell yourself that that was great, that it really sold your act as a couple of lovebirds, but that just embarrassed you all the more. Your fiancé was just as tormented, the blush that was sparking gossip reaching all the way to the tips of his ears.

Eventually, someone had to break the silence. If not with words, then with the slamming of a chess board down on the usual table. And that’s exactly what you did, not that who slept in the bed was something that still concerned either of you. No, now it was just routine, something you enjoyed and shared with each other, and something you were going to use to discuss your current feelings.

“C-come play, little prince.”

Even the nickname didn’t manage to get him to flare up. He walked over, still with the air of importance that was second nature to him, but his pounding heart almost echoed against his ribs. You set up your black pieces and he took the white. He moved a pawn towards you.

“So…”

“Yeah.” You slid a piece across the board. He nodded, his cheeks burning. You both knew what you had to say and what the other person was going to say, but that only made it all the more difficult to verbalize.

“I guess I don’t hate you. As much as I used to.” You said hurriedly, your voice forcibly steadied.

“Oh, what an honor.” Haechan’s snarky response was accompanied by a trembling hand moving a rook. He yelled at himself internally, and attempted to be as honest as he could. “I… suppose you’re not unbearable.” The biting words didn’t sting, nor did they flow the way they once did. It saddened both players, even though it had only been a day since you both had been without the banter of your best friend. Slowly, you started to regret the night before, the ecstatic memories being clouded with the fear that you might lose the most important person to you because of it. 

“I-”

“I-”

“Oh, sorry, you start-”

“No, you-”

“No-”

“Okay, fine!” You huffed, accepting the initiative. You pushed your rook straight forward. “I… have always hated the idea of getting married. Everything about it- the formalities, the responsibilities, the princes, ugh. Awful.”

“Gee, thanks.” 

“I’m not done, okay!” Pieces shuffled around the board as you tried to organize your thoughts. “If I… had to marry someone…” Your sentence trailed off, and Haechan leaned forward, ears itching to hear the conclusion. You stared at the board, and he steeled himself. It would’ve been a blow to his persistent pride if he just waited for you to say everything.

“I’m…” What did he need to say first? His mind blanked, and he just let the words fall from his lips. “I’m sorry.”

Your eyes widened, but remained fixed on the game. “For what?”

“For not listening to you. The first day we met. I didn’t… treat you the way I should’ve. I’m sorry for that. But I’m… also glad it happened. If I’d acted differently then maybe you wouldn’t be in front of me. That would be, uh, not ideal. But I’m sorry.”

“Um. Thanks. I’m glad it happened too. Otherwise we might still be pretending to be well-mannered in front of each other.” Haechan snickered, and you did too. You could feel your shoulders relaxing, and he could feel himself growing bolder. He moved his queen across the board, closing in on his target.

“Man, where would I be without my unladylike, insufferable fiancé?”

“Probably whining like a child to some other pitiful creature who deserves better.”

The clouds in your minds began to clear as you exchanged snarky remarks. It felt right- pretty words didn’t like to be forced from your lips. He smiled. You looked up, your line of sight lingering on the lips you knew well before finding his eyes. You left your king unguarded, ready for it to be captured.

“I guess I wouldn’t mind marrying you, little prince.”

“Do it then.”

You swept the unfinished game off the board, feeling like you’d won, and he met you in the middle. He kissed you, barely more composed than the night before, but you had no problem with that. The two of you smiled against each other’s lips, incredulous that somehow you had found someone to love, something you used to believe was impossible. Little bursts of laughter interrupted the kiss as giddiness took over.

“Didn’t I say something like I’d burn down this castle before I wed you?”

“Just let the wedding planner know,” Haechan sighed with joy as he gave in to the temptation of your lips again.

#haechan #nct dream #nct 127 #haechan fanfic #haechan fluff #nct dream fanfic #nct 127 fanfic #nct dream fluff #nct 127 fluff #nct dream reactions #nct fanfic #nct dream fanfiction #haechan fanfiction #nct au #nct fluff #lee donghyuck #nct smut #nct 127 smut #nct dream smut #haechan smut

[thetaleoflevi]

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Role Reversal

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Pairing: Levi x Fem!Reader

Content Type: SFW, Angst, Fluff

Content Warnings: Mentions of death, emotional breakdown, explicit language

Description: Levi and Reader’s roles are reversed. Reader is the Captain and humanity’s strongest soldier with the apathetic attitude, and Levi is the ordinary (not so ordinary) soldier with a less cynical view on life.

Word Count: 5.8k+

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It was another late night of you sitting in your dimly lit office, filling out countless reports of the bodies that weren’t recovered after the last expedition. A sigh of sorrow escaped your lips, followed by you rubbing the bridge of your nose. So many good people were gone in the blink of an eye and you had to be the one to fill out the pages that informed their loved ones that the Scout Regiment was unable to bring them back home. Death was a subject that haunted your dreams ever since you joined the Scouts. It’s much worse now that you’ve been given the trust and responsibility that comes with the title of ‘Humanity’s Strongest Soldier.’

You were brought out of your thoughts when you heard a voice coming from your bedroom. “Come to bed, Captain Y/N. You work too hard.” Through the open door, you can see Levi sitting on your bed, head against the headboard and legs crossed. He was smirking, knowing you hated being addressed by your title when it was just you and him.

You let it slide, knowing that if it weren’t for him you’d be a fully developed insomniac. He’s very persistent when it comes to taking care of you. “Come lay with me.” He called once again. “I can’t, Levi. I have to finish this up or else i’ll have to do it tomorrow. We have that meeting with Erwin and all the officers tomorrow, so this would only take up more of my time.” You picked up your pen again and began writing the name of another deceased soldier. “I miss you.” You can hear the longing in his voice. “I know.” You mumbled, not looking up. Your brows furrowed as you wrote ‘Deceased’, under the soldier’s name.

“Then if you’re not coming to me, i’m coming to you.” You hear the rustling of Levi throwing your blanket off of his lap. His footsteps are quiet, but with your dog-like hearing you’re able to know where he is. In a few seconds he’s standing behind you, his chin taking its place on your head.

“Whatcha workin’ on?” He questioned, feeling happier now that he’s next to you. “Missing body reports.” That was all you could say about it—all you wanted to say about it. “Almost my entire squad was demolished.” You whispered to yourself as you moved on to the third deceased member of your squad. It was a young girl. She hadn’t been a Scout for more than two years, yet she came to know and love everyone as if they were the family she was born into. She had just turned seventeen, making her the second youngest member to have been on your squad.

“I’m sorry, love. I know I can’t make this hurt you’re feeling go away.” He stood up straight and tucked strands of hair that fell in your face behind your ear. “Do you want to sit on my lap while you work?” He knew exactly what to do to make you feel better, and you never declined his offer. “Yes, please.” You pushed back and rose from the wooden chair. You moved a little to your right to allow him to sit down.

With the way you were so compliant when it came to him, no one who hadn’t met you before would guess that you were the Captain and humanity’s strongest soldier. You looked like a teddy bear sitting on his lap, meanwhile his features are fierce and he was able to shut people up without intending to. In reality, he’s very approachable and kind.

His chest was to your back, his arms around your torso, his chin on your shoulder. He gave you the strength to continue writing with less of a shake in your hand. “I want you to sleep tonight, Y/N. Not on the couch, not in here—but next to me on your bed.” You could feel the vibrations of his voice on your shoulder. You finished writing the sentence you had started and responded to his request. “I’m not gonna promise you that. You’re welcome to sleep on the bed if you want, though.”

Your heart dropped when you heard him sigh quietly. It felt like he was disappointed in you, when really he just wanted to hold you close for a few hours. It helped him forget the monstrous reality you both lived in.

You felt him adjust for the last time on your shoulder, tilting his head to the side. You didn’t pay attention to him as he did so, focusing on the last deceased member of your squad. The youngest, at the young age of fifteen, was gone. How cruel does the world have to be to end the life of someone who was born into mayhem? Who never saw or experienced peace?

You didn’t notice Levi had fallen asleep until you felt soft breathing on your neck. Wisps of hair had fallen messily on his face and his arms loosened around your torso. It was a beautiful, calming sight. He looked so innocent and at ease. You reached down to where his hands rested on your stomach and squeezed his palm softly. For the duration of the time you spent working, your hand ghosted around his. He stirred awake every once in a while which resulted in you whispering for him to go back to sleep. Each time he would re-tighten his arms around you, nudging you like a puppy until he was comfortable again.

It was three in the morning when you finally got through the pile of work. It wouldn’t have taken so long if you had saved the reminiscing for later when you felt the guilt begin to eat you alive.

As you tapped the stack of papers against the desk to get them together neatly, you felt the urge to apologize to Levi for putting him down earlier. He didn’t have to stay with you. He has his own room to sleep in, yet he decided to grace you with his company.

You realized you have a few hours left until you have to get ready for the day. Why not try to sleep?

Levi was sleeping soundly, soft snores coming from him. You smiled a little at the form of his pouty lips. “Levi, baby.” You whispered, reaching your left hand to push his bangs away from his eyes. His eyes fluttered open, silver-turned-blue irises glowing in the orange light of the candle. He gave you the softest smile you had ever seen and kissed your shoulder before straightening his posture.

“Let’s go to the room.” You murmured to him. “Are you done?” He asked in a raspy sleep-filled voice. “Yes. Let’s go to sleep.” You stood up from his lap. He groaned as he moved his legs, trying to get rid of the numbness. You extended your hand to him and helped him stand.

He held onto your hand as you crossed the doorway between your office and bedroom. You split ways as he went to one side of the bed and you other. While he laid down instantly, you sat with your head against the headboard and one knee up.

“That’s not how you’re supposed to sleep.” He mumbled with his eyes closed. “How would you know? You can’t even see me.” You raised an eyebrow. “I can’t feel you close enough to me, plus…” He patted around until he felt your leg bent at the knee. “…your leg shouldn’t be bent like this.” He grabbed your shin and slowly unbent your leg to match the other one.

“Take my form as an example of how you should be laying.” He opened his eyes, waiting for you to recline. You slowly lowered yourself, propping yourself on your elbows as your back neared the mattress. Levi brought your arm down so that you were flat against the bed, head meeting a pillow. You turned to Levi who was now closer. “I can’t promise you that i’ll be sleeping, but i’ll lay here with you.”

He rubbed his thumb slowly against your cheek. “That’s enough for me, beautiful. I’m just happy you’re here with me.” He slugged closer to you, his face nuzzling into your chest.

It was incredible how this man was able to make you feel things that no one else could. His heart slowed as he drifted to sleep, but yours was pounding. You hoped the sound or the feeling wouldn’t bother him. It was his fault, yet you felt guilty.

The bags under his eyes were visible in the light that peered through your windows. You brushed them as gently as possible, as if you could magically get rid of them. It’s been a rough life. Sleep is a luxury that you don’t think you deserve. If you could give your unused hours of sleep to him, you would.

You pressed a kiss to his forehead, running your fingers through his locks of hair. You skimmed the short hairs of his undercut with your knuckles, you could tell he recently cut his hair. He always looked so handsome, sometimes you wondered if you were pretty enough for him. Insecurity was something that often creeped its way into your brain, but you aren’t the type to fish for compliments or make your lack of confidence obvious. If you were to be that way, you wouldn’t make it as a Captain. Having Levi reminds you of how fortunate you are to be alive. He is, and will always be enough for you.

—

Those hours you had went by too quickly. In what felt like a few minutes, it was six in the morning and the sun was beginning to rise. You had to start getting ready for the meeting that started at seven thirty. Your eyes felt heavy, which wasn’t a foreign feeling, but apart from that you felt alright. You slowly released yourself from Levi’s hold so that you could get your clothes for after your shower.

“Come back.” Levi whined, extending his arms in your direction. “We have to get ready for our meeting. I’m gonna shower, i’ll be out soon.” He pouted defeatedly and got out of bed.

You relaxed as the lukewarm water washed down your body. Was it the time to have your mental breakdown? Sadly, no. Not while Levi was outside.

You heard the door open and heard Levi say something indistinctly. “What was that?” You asked. “I said sorry for barging in. I need to fix my hair.” He repeated. You hummed in response. Levi, who was usually a great conversation starter, was dead silent. He was contemplating whether or not he should ask you if you’re okay.

“Hey, Y/N?” He rummaged through your drawers in search of a comb. “Hmm?” “You know you can talk to me about anything, right?” You lathered your body with soap and replied with another hum. “Right?” He prompted. “Yes, I do.” You answered. “Do you want to talk about anything?”

The water cascaded down your body, bringing soapy water to the floor. “Not anything in particular.” He frowned, knowing that if you didn’t talk to him when he was around, you’d eventually be left to fight your inner demons alone.

His hair was done but he kept messing it up and combing it again just so that he could keep talking to you. “Please promise me that if you’re ever not okay, we’ll talk about it.” Your face went neutral, unable to pinpoint what made him talk this way suddenly. “I’m not gonna fall apart on you, Levi. Who am I to do so?” You rubbed a few bubbles of soap off of your collarbone under the stream then reached for the shampoo bottle. “You’re my everything. I need to know what’s going on inside that brain of yours.”

You distributed the runny substance to your scalp and mane of hair. The scalp massage you gave yourself was very much needed given the constant weight you felt on you shoulders. A minute later, the foamy texture was rinsed out and you turned the water off. You peeped your head out of the shower, hand reaching for the towel hanging on the steel bar. Levi looked at you from the corner of his eye, enticed by the sight of you being drenched. You got a hold of your towel and shut the shower curtains, missing the light blush that appeared on his face.

You wrapped the towel around your body and stepped out of the shower, not looking in Levi’s direction as you separated your jacket from the dirty clothes. “Do you want me to get out?” The rosy tint was there again. “No, it’s alright. I’ll change in the room.” You took your clothes and shut the door behind you. You dressed into another white button-up and tucked it into your white trousers.

A knock came from the bathroom door. “Can I come in? It’s hot in here.” Levi asked, voice muffled. You internally laughed evilly. “Yeah, I’m done.” The door clicked open and he instantly searched the room for you. You were putting your belt on. “I’m ready to go. Do you need help with your straps?” Please say yes. Please say yes. “Yes, please and thank you. I need to do my hair.” You went to the bathroom and grabbed your hairbrush before returning to your bed.

Levi was waiting on your bed with the leather bands that went around your chest and limbs. “Let’s start with your thighs.” He picked up the brown material. You sat on the bed, lifting a leg to allow him to slip the bands under. He wrapped the pieces of leather around your thighs gently, tightening them the appropriate amount needed and buckling them. This procedure was followed by a kiss applied to each area that was strapped, and a look up at you afterwards. You give him a small smile while you continue to brush your hair.

He finished with the straps that went on your legs, waiting for you to finish brushing your hair to do the ones for your arms and chest.

You put your hair into a ponytail and he immediately began slipping your arms through the leather loops. He buckled the strap that went slightly above your chest, intense eye contact from him while doing so. “What?” You asked curiously. “Oh, nothing.” He placed the awaited kiss and moved down to your abdomen to attach the last two straps to your belt. He placed the last kisses on your stomach, straightening from his slightly hunched position after.

“Thank you, Levi.” If you were more like him, you would make it more clear that you loved him. You would say that you loved him more often. They were his three favorite words coming from you because he knew that you found difficulty saying them, yet you managed to get them out for him. You’ve only said it to him three times before, the rest of the time you show him.

“It’s no bother at all. I wanted to give you some extra love as well because…I know something is off. I’m not gonna push you about it, but please talk to me about it when you can.” You nodded as you put your camel colored jacket on. “Are you ready to go?” You asked, mediocrely fixing your bed. You were going to come back to wash your entire set anyway. “Yeah, let’s go.”

—

It was seven twenty-five when you both got to the meeting room. Familiar faces surrounded you. You sat next to Erwin who sat at the head of the table. You’re his right hand woman, and he trusts you with his life to say the least. Levi sat to your left as your right hand man. He acted as your emotional support, mostly to keep you calm and collected when you thought something wasn’t right and were being misunderstood when you voiced your concerns.

Once the clock struck seven thirty, Erwin began the meeting. “Good morning, everyone. We’re gathered here to brainstorm a plan for our next expedition outside of the walls. Today we’ll be discussing squad reformations and routes that can help lower the amount of casualties and injuries in our battalion. Our next meeting will consist of looking over what we come up with today and confirming the actions we will be taking.” Your hands immediately clenched into fists when your heard ‘next expedition.’ We just went through with one two days ago. The number of casualties and injured soldiers is too high to go outside the walls again so soon.

Levi’s hand found your forearm and squeezed gently. With the amount of times your concerns have been shot down, you were just about done trying to object anything your Commander said in regards to exiting the walls. He was so strong headed and able to defend his methods that you often gave up trying to convince him that there were flaws in his thought processes. You relaxed your hands and sat through the rest of the meeting with your usual stoic expression. Your surface did not reflect the way you felt inside at all.

“Captain Y/N, what do you think of the plan we’ve arranged so far?” The blonde haired man asked, facing you. Should I go for it? Should I tell him what I think just to get shut down again? “It’s a good plan, I just have one concern.” He folded his hands and nodded in an understanding manner. Levi turned to pay attention to the conversation between you and Erwin. The officers were discussing ideas amongst themselves.

“I think it’s too soon to go outside the walls again. I was filling out the reports for the soldiers that died during the last expedition, and we lost a grand number of soldiers.” “Yes, you’re right about that. Our next expedition won’t be for a while though. I noticed the amount of soldiers that came back injured is just as large as those that died, so i’m giving them time to recuperate. The squad reformations we’ve made are just incase our wounded soldiers are not capable of joining us in our next expedition. If they aren’t physically well by the time our next expedition takes place, the squad reformations will be confirmed.”

He agrees? He agrees. “Oh, alright. Then we’re off to a great start with this plan.” He nodded and smiled with satisfaction.

The meeting ended in a little over an hour. Erwin dismissed everyone and made sure to praise you for your input before exiting the room to continue brainstorming alone.

“I’m proud of you, Captain!” Levi beamed a smile and pulled you into an embrace that you refused to reciprocate. The public display of affection had heat creeping to your cheeks even if there was no one in the room but you two. People were walking past the door constantly, and the thought of being seen like this was embarrassing to an extent. “Thank you, Levi. Let’s get out of here.”

—

Lunchtime finally arrived and usually you sat with Hange, Levi, and Erwin, but Hange and Erwin were both busy with their own things so it was just you and Levi. You weren’t hungry, the thought of your fallen comrades slowly beginning to bombard your thoughts again. It brought an unsettling feeling to your stomach.

“You should eat something.” Levi said, taking a sip of his tea. “I’m not hungry. I think i’m gonna go to my office to finish some more work.” “Okay, i’ll go with you.” He said feeling overjoyed to spend more time alone with you. “You don’t have to. I’m just gonna be filling out more papers.” You rubbed the back of your neck. Levi’s clinginess was another reason you loved him. You like the idea of him wanting to be around you all the time, but it’s not a problem if he spends a day without you as well. You withstand the time apart better than he does.

“I want to, though. I like spending time with you even if i’m just watching you do work.” You looked at his teacup that was still three fourths of the way full. “At least finish your tea. You can meet me in my office once you’re done.” You rose from the bench looking at him as he set the porcelain cup down. “Fine, i’ll see you in a bit, Captain.” He stood up and gave you one of his perfect salutes. You nodded and left the table.

—

Throughout your years as a Scout, you’ve seen death left and right. You made it your mission to remain as closed off to others as you could to protect yourself from anymore heartache, but Levi managed to break into your heart by force. He just wouldn’t leave you alone, so you let your guard down for him, seeing the way he cared for you like you were his favorite person in the world. He dealt with your mood swings, he stayed after you pushed him away, and he understood your significance to the Scout Regiment and all the weight you bear solely. He understood that you being deemed humanity’s strongest soldier isn’t just a fancy title, it’s a heavy anchor that weighs on your shoulders.

You opened the door to your office, shutting it behind you before you went further into the room.

You went to your desk and sat down in the wooden chair. A sound came from underneath your boots, making you look down to inspect the area. You crouched down to pick up a paper that had fallen out of the stack of reports you had filled out. ‘Name:_____| Age: 15 yrs| Gender: Male…’ read the beginning of the description. The young boy, once so full of joy and life, was narrowed down to a sheet of paper with a pitiful explanation for why he will never be seen again. You sat on the floor underneath your desk reading the rest of the description. ‘Hair color: Black| Eye color: Hazel| Height: 5’6| Weight: 152 lbs…’

You felt the urge to cry, but tears wouldn’t form. The floor was not at all comfortable, but it brought comfort knowing that your lack of emotional stability wouldn’t be witnessed at first glance. You weren’t visible to anyone under your desk, so if you really wanted to break down, now would be your chance.

A knock came from the other side of your door. That was too quick, Levi. You didn’t answer, still deep in thought and overcome by treacherous feelings.

The door opened without your permission and you didn’t even care. “Y/N, are you in here?” Levi’s footsteps got further as he walked past your desk and into your bedroom. “Are you in here?” He opened the bathroom door, not seeing you in there. “Hmm.” He returned to the doorway between the two rooms. He noticed your boot as it leaned against the left leg of your chair. “There you are.” He traced your boot back to you.

“What are you doing down here? Are you okay?” He crouched down to meet with you at eye level. “Yeah, i’m fine. I just…forgot this…um…report.” You were visibly shaken and Levi wasn’t sure what the cause was. He took the paper from your loose grip and read the page quickly from top to bottom. “Talk.” He sat on the floor, something he wasn’t particularly fond of doing, but anything for you.

“I’m not doing this right now. There’s a time and a place for mourning the dead. Now is not that time, and this is definitely not the place.” You crawled out of the area and slowly got to your feet. Levi followed you as you strode to your bedroom. “When is it the time, then? Where is that place? I’ll take you there whenever.” His voice wasn’t as soft as it was when he first found you. You said you weren’t going to push it, Levi. You’re doing the exact opposite.”

He ran a hand through his hair, frustration filling him to the brim. “I just want you to talk to me! Confide in me! God, Y/N. It shouldn’t be this hard. I’m not just some stranger you’ve held close at night. I’m your lover.” You were on the brink of letting every emotion within you loose, bringing yourself back when you see how distressed Levi looks. You know it’s your fault he’s this way right now, but you made him a silent promise.

You sit down on the edge of your bed, holding your hands together tightly. “I’m not going to break in front of you.” You whispered. Levi kneeled down in front of you and held onto one of your shins. “I’m not leaving until you do.” His stormy gray eyes never left yours. “I don’t care if it takes hours. I’m not leaving until you spill your fucking heart out.”

Wherever you went, he just followed you. Working on paperwork? He watched you from the other side of your desk. How he didn’t get tired of watching you was beyond you. “I’m just trying to help.” You didn’t look up at him, continuing your writing. “I know you are.” You murmured. He reached for your vacant hand, rubbing your knuckles with his thumb. “Then why aren’t you letting me?” Tears stung the inner corners of your eyes, threatening to break your facade. You blinked back the blurriness of your vision, prohibiting yourself from showing your true emotions.

“Maybe others can’t see through your stoic mask, but I’m close enough to notice the cracks in it.” And there it was…the first tear. You gripped your pen tighter, ink bleeding through the paper, but you continued writing messily. Your eyebrows furrowed and your lips trembled, eyelashes being weighed down with teardrops. “I know it’s hard to bare yourself to me like this.” His eyes softened at the large tears that rolled down your cheeks, ending at your chin, before falling on the paper.

Your chest suddenly felt tight causing a hiccup to fall from your lips. You covered your eyes with both of your hands, tears still streaming underneath them. You felt humiliated at your show of weakness. “How are you gonna try to hide all those tears from me, sweetheart?” He pulled one of your hands down, revealing a closed eye, and a knitted eyebrow. You instantly crossed your arms on your desk and put your head down, tears pooling and leaving dark spots on your sleeves.

Levi hurried over to your side and kneeled beside you. “I know, baby. You need to get this out.” He rubbed your back slowly. The erratic shaking that started in your shoulders lured a sad reaction out of Levi. It was as if he felt every ounce of pain you were feeling. He wanted to cry with you, but stayed strong knowing there was no room for two meltdowns.

“He…was…fif…teen.” You spoke muffled with pauses between gasps. Levi kissed your shoulder. “I know. It’s awful. He was a pure soul and solid addition to the squad, but think about it, he’s not suffering in this disgusting world anymore and he’s no longer living in fear.” Your eyes felt even heavier now. You went silent as you tried to calm down. Your breathing was anything but steady.

When you managed to stabilize yourself, you took one last deep breath before picking your head up.

“Y-Yeah.” You cleared your throat and wiped at your puffy under eyes. “You’re right.” You said more steadily, finally able to face your inamorato.

He undid his ascot and gave it to you to dry your eyes with. “Thank you.” You said quietly, dabbing the cloth on your damp features. He nodded with a soft smile. “How do you feel?” His knuckles brushed your cheeks sweetly. The coldness of his skin felt nice in contrast to your warm, tear-stained face. “Fine.” It was the only word you thought could narrow down how you currently felt after your meltdown. You knew the storm was only passing temporarily, but you weren’t going to make a bigger spectacle than you already had.

“Come on, give me something more.” He turned his head and pointed to his cheek. “I feel better, love. Thank you.” You leaned in to kiss his cheek, not expecting Levi to straighten his head at the last second. Lips met lips pleasantly, heat taking it’s place on your cheeks again. On the inside, he was laughing like a child at his spontaneous act, knowing he managed to fluster you. On the outside, he was enjoying the contact you allowed him to have with you.

Every time he kisses, hugs, or even just brushes his hand against yours, it brings back memories of the first time you let him rock you to sleep like you were a child. He knew before he even formally met you that you never slept because you walked around with the darkest bags under your pretty eyes. When you picked Levi to be on your squad, he made it his own personal mission to get you the sleep you deserved.

You pulled away from him, blush continuing to make you look like you were the subordinate in the relationship. “I’m glad you feel better. I’ll always be here to console you, Y/N. I hope you know that. I’m sorry I had to force your feelings out of you this time.” He smoothly brought one of your hands to his lips and kissed the back. “It’s fine. You shouldn’t have to force me to talk about things. I’ll work on it.” He chuckled at the way you effortlessly made him happy. He was the only one to see your smile often, even if it was a small and short-lasting one.

“What do you want to do now? I’m pretty sure I recall you telling me that you finished all the work you had to do, earlier in the morning.” You stood up from the chair, pulling him up from his kneeled position as well. “Come on.” You took his hand and led him to your bedroom.

“Remember the first night we slept in the same bed? The first night you got me to sleep after you found out I hadn’t slept in a few days?” His eyes twinkled hoping you were thinking what he was thinking. “Mhm. What about it?” You let go of his hand and proceeded to your bed where you sat on the edge and took off your boots. “Can we do that again?” You threw your right boot in a corner next to the left boot.

He felt like his heart was beating out of his chest. This was his favorite thing to do with you, having decided it after only doing it once. It beat every single thing you two did together. He got to watch you close your eyes and get the rest you desperately needed, yet ran from. He got to hold you close and listen to the rhythm of your breathing, and he got to kiss you as much as he wanted.

“Of course, my love. Anything for you.” He went to the opposite side of the bed and took his boots off, tossing them across the room to where your boots were. He got closer to the center of the bed with his back against the headboard and got into a comfortable position before patting his lap for you to lay across. You crawled to where he was, laying your head just above the crease of his arm and the rest of your body lay across his lap. You felt safe and secure in his arms.

“Who knew the Captain was such a softie for an ordinary soldier like me?” Levi cooed, brushing a strand of hair away from your eyes with his free hand. “Shut up.” You mumbled with your eyes closed. He chuckled lowly, the vibrations already working on lulling you to sleep. “Are you sure you want to sleep right now? It’s three in the afternoon. You might not be able to sleep at night.” “Mhm.” You hummed. “I don’t sleep at night anyway.” You reassured. “Alright, my dear.” He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close, and began swaying your body slowly. You concentrated on the motion and your heart rate started slowing down.

There was an immense adoration gleaming in Levi’s eyes as he watched you slowly drift to sleep. He kissed your forehead and stopped swaying when he felt your body go limp, chest rising and falling with every breath that escaped your lips.

A few moments later, there was a sudden knock on your door. Levi’s eyes widened, hoping whoever was at the door would leave immediately. Another three knocks came from the other side when there was no response, causing you to stir at the sound. Levi looked down at you, eyes completely soft. He hoped you would stay asleep through the unwelcome raps. Then the doorknob turned.

“Captain Y/N, are you in-” “Shut the fuck up.” Levi muttered through gritted teeth. He was never this aggressive with his words, but when it came to you, he could surprise anybody—even Hange and Erwin.

Eren’s eyes were wide at the sight. ‘Captain Y/N likes affection?’ Was all he thought. “Sorry, Levi.” He whispered. “Can you make sure Captain Y/N sees this when she wakes up?” The boy rubbed his neck as he waited for Levi to look up again. “Just leave it on her office table. Don’t touch anything. No, never mind. Just leave it on her dresser over there.” Levi watched Eren like a hawk as he located your dresser and set the paper down. “I’m heading out. See you later, Levi.” The boy exited the room, unsure of whether he should keep this to himself or tell his group of friends.

“Who was that?” You asked, feigning grogginess a few seconds later. Your survival instincts had you awake by the first knock, but you wanted Levi to feel good about the way he was taking care of you. “It was Eren. Go back to sleep, love. Your schedule is clear for today. You can sleep for the rest of today if you want to.” You nodded and nudged yourself into his chest. “Only a little longer. Wake me up in ten minutes, please.” He stroked your cheek lightly. “Okay, dear.” His expression returned to the loving one he had prior to Eren’s interruption.

You returned to your dormant state rather quickly and Levi didn’t plan on waking you up any time soon.

As time went by, Levi found himself having to hold in his chuckles as he saw drool sliding down the corners of your mouth. He was quick to wipe it away with his thumb, knowing how you’d react if you woke up with drool on your face.

He realized before, but now it was emphasized that nothing could ever stop him from loving you. Not your past, not the present, not the future. Nothing. He knew from the moment you told him you loved him back that he would love and care for you endlessly.

I will hold you like this for as long as you want me to, and as many times as you need me to, my love.

#aot #attack on titan #captain levi #levi ackerman #shingeki no kyojin #levi x reader #aot x reader #levi ackerman x y/n #fanfic #levi fic #levi x y/n #levi #levi aot

[aremie]

𝐑𝐄𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐄 ❞ ( EREN JAEGER X FEM. READER ) CH 2: SETTLING IN THE NEW REALITY.

𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆 ;; Eren is dead, your friends are dead, Annie and Armin are probably starting a new life together, Levi and Mikasa are hiding together somewhere, and you are left alone. Left alone in misery, you try to bring Eren and your friends back to life by abusing the extent of your abilities.

𝗮 / 𝗻 ;; this is inspired by wandavision, some aot manga spoilers, ending is different, eren is crystalized, reader, eren and almost everyone twenty one here.

𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗰𝗹𝗮𝗶𝗺𝗲𝗿 ;; reader has abilities like wanda maximoff, you have powers like chaos magic, manga spoilers, don't read if you don't want to be spoiled. Different ending from the manga.

𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞. ;; this fanfic has a different ending from the manga. eren is crystalized in this one, annie and armin are living their lives before their time is up, mikasa and levi are both in hiding and you are left alone. (this is canon-divergence with a little sci-fi in this.) titans are still existent. Everyone is 21 years old. PART ONE here.

"SO WHY'D YOU join the program?" Annie Leonhart, a warrior candidate, finally spoke up after being silent for days.

"I joined due to my father forcing me to. He said that if i didn't, i would disgrace my family." You softly whispered, you didn't know anyone here and was too shy to interact with anyone.

"Oh." The blonde apathetically responded.

"What about you? Why'd you join?" You asked, being curious about the blonde's backstory.

You waited for her answer which took a few minutes for her to respond. She might have dealt with traumatic things, you thought.

"I joined for my father." She said.

"Ah." It was quiet for ten minutes but it wasn't an eerie type of silence. It was more of a comfortable silence than anything.

"My name is Annie. Annie Leonhart." She said, lifting her hand for you to shake. You smiled, immediately shaking her hand. "I'm [Y/N]. [Y/N] [L/N]."

"[L/N]? Like the House of [L/N]?" Annie asked, looking a bit shocked while you just nodded. "So that's why your father expected a lot from you." She lowly said.

"Mhm." There was a comfortable silence between the two of you as you two just sat there.

At least you made a friend, right?

"Y/N? ARE YOU alright?" Your dear boyfriend, Eren asked while you were still on bed due to just waking up. "I'm alright." You responded as you slowly got up.

"Are you sure? You were crying while asleep. Do you wanna talk about it? Armin used to tell me that to feel better, you have to talk it out with the one you love." Eren asked once again, getting worried.

There. Right there. Armin's name was enough to pull your sanity back to reality. A reality where Eren was dead, Jean and Connie are mindless titans, Armin and Annie are building a new life together, Levi is probably in hiding with Mikasa and you were left alone.

You wanted to live in denial. You needed to live in denial. You wished that you were as careless when you were a child. Back when you didn't have anything to worry about. Back with Reiner, Annie and Bertholdt. Back with Porco, Pieck and the others.

You wished that you didn't join the warrior program. You wished you disgraced the family. You wished that you were never experimented on and never get this power.

But at the same time, you wished for a peaceful life with Eren. If you never joined the program, then you would have never met Eren or Annie. Or even your closest friends.

"Y/N?"

Eren's voice brought you back to reality. No, not in reality but the reality you have made. "Hmm?" You hummed as you got out of bed.

As if the earlier scene never happened, Eren grinned and hugged you which surprised you a little bit. "Eren, are you alright?" You asked as he continued hugging you. Softening up, you hugged him back but still wondered why he was hugging you.

"I love you." He softly spoke as he nuzzled his head to your neck. Smiling, you kissed his forehead and responded, "I love you too, darling. But would you mind telling me what is up?"

Eren grumbled, but still responded. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure? Do you wanna talk about it? Armin used to tell me that to feel better, you have to talk it out with your lover." You repeated his words, but due to you rewinding reality, it never happened.

"Its just that. . ." Eren tried to speak up but couldn't find the right words.

"Just what?" You asked him, getting worried.

"I— I don't know. I feel trapped. Like i'm enslaved and stuck. I think something's wrong, [Y/N]." He admitted.

Rewrite.

"Its just that. . ." Eren tried to speak up but couldn't find the right words.

"Just what?" You asked him, getting worried.

"I— I don't know. I'm just worried that once we build a family, i won't be able to give us the things we need." He admitted, sighing in defeat as he laid his head down onto your lap.

You smiled softly and looked at him. "We're not yet married and you're already worrying about that?" You asked sarcastically. I mean, you were right, he hasn't proposed to you yet.

"Well, i know but—" You cut Eren off by kissing him softly. He was surprised but then kissed you back lovingly.

Maybe it's not that bad to stay in denial and live in this fake reality until the final days of your life.

"Your Majesty, there's something wrong in Shiganshina, its urgent!" One of the royal guards yelled as they ran towards the queen. Historia, being oblivious to what was happening then turned around to see five royal guards tired and sweating.

"What? What's wrong?" Historia asked hastily, not knowing why the guards were panting and sweating heavily.

"Its— Its Shiganshina, we can't seem to enter the town and even if we tried, we would get thrown away by an invisible thing! Hitch Dreyse tried to do it but disappeared!" One of the guards explained.

Historia felt nervous. What was she supposed to do? An invisible barrier banishing people out? It seemed ridiculous but she knew that they wouldn't lie to her and so she decided.

"Take me there."

"SO TELL ME, where exactly are you going?" You asked him, helping him tie his hair into a bun.

"I found a job as a doctor near our house and i need money to buy a rin—" Eren stopped himself while you just looked at him curiously.

"Money to buy a what?" You asked him, crossing your arms.

"Money to buy us food, darling!" He immediately answered. "Besides, we wouldn't be able to survive if i don't work. How could we buy the food we need if i don't work?" Eren reasoned.

"Uh, Magic?" You said. Your humor was always shitty but you were somehow saying the truth.

Eren just sighed as he kissed your forehead. "I'm heading to work." He said while you squinted your eyes.

"Alright then. See you, Love you." You said, getting curious about what he was intending to do.

"Love you too! I'll make sure to bring something home!" He lovingly said as he went to his workplace.

That was weird, you thought.

Once you were about to sit down, you heard a knock on the door. You sighed. You're not gonna get a break until the end of the day. Walking to the door, you were shocked to see a certain someone.

"Heya [N/N]!" The woman in your doorstep said.

The woman was Hitch Dreyse.

"So why can't you enter this?" Historia asked as they were all near the town that was isolated.

"Nobody knows. Some say that it had some invisible barrier. Not to mention, all civilians that lives in Shiganshina are also stuck in there." One of the guards said.

"So all civilians that lived here are also stuck in this thing?" Historia asked, feeling dread and sadness. She failed as a Queen. What was she gonna do now?

"Mhm. They are either dead or stuck there. Nobody knows. The only one who entered the town was Hitch Dreyse and none of us have heard of her wellbeing for two weeks." The guard explained.

Historia nodded and told the guard to continue as she tried touching the electrical barrier. The guards noticed and tried to stop her but before they could, she disappeared suddenly.

The guards then immediately freaked out and took out their firearms. "Your highness?!"

None of them knew that their Queen Historia was stuck in a reality that her friend had created.

#attack on titan #aot #eren yeager #attack on titan x reader #eren yeager x reader #eren jaeger #snk #shingeki no kyojin #shingeki no kyojin x reader #angst #attack on titan x reader headcanons #snk angst

[fiveisnumber1]

Timeless - Five Hargreeves x Reader

Word Count: 3135

Warnings: none

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23

_________________________

Pt 7 - Welcome To The Family

After your dance, you and Five continued to talk and hang out enjoying the slightly staler donuts and the lukewarm pizza. It was not until you looked out the window and saw the stars in the sky that you realized how late it was. As much as you didn't want to leave you knew that you had to go home since you hadn't told your parents you were sleeping over at a friend's house nor did they even know you had left. Reluctantly you said,

"This has been wonderful but I think I need to be getting back home."

"Do you have to?" Five pleaded

"Yes, I don't want my parents to report me missing in the morning" You reply

"Fine, but can I at least escort you back to your house?" Five asks

"Why of course." You reply

Holding your flowers and teddy bear with one arm you grabbed Five's hand with the other. Barely a second after the two of you jumped from his room to yours. You placed the flowers down on your desk and the teddy bear on your bed before turning to Five. Giving him another tight hug you quietly say,

"Thank you for everything Five. You pushing me to the ground was the best thing to ever happen to me."

"And you are the best thing to ever happen to me." He quietly replied

The two of you stood there in the silence not wanting to let go of each other but knowing at some point you had to. Slowly the two of you let go of the embrace. Five gave you a smile before flashing back over to his room. Tired from the events of the day you got into your bed, held your teddy bear tight, and fell asleep to the thoughts of the dance you shared that night.

Once Five had returned back to his room he flopped back on his bed, a wide smile across his face. He was tired but he couldn't sleep because the memory of you calling him mon cherí replayed over and over again in his mind. It wasn't just the words that made him so overwhelmingly happy it was the fact that the words came from you. He didn't understand why or how you were able to overwhelm him so much but one thing he knew is he never wanted you to stop. Five stayed awake for a while just replaying the night in his head but soon enough he had succumbed to his exhaustion and fallen asleep. One thing for sure is that even while he slept he was excited for what the next day would bring.

His siblings had a different plan in mind though. Luther taking on the leadership role woke the rest of his siblings up and brought them to the parlor. Diego and Allison were ready to find out what was going on while Klaus, Ben, and Vanya were more apathetic accomplices. Did they want to know? Of course, but not enough to wake up early on one of the only days they'd probably get to sleep in because their father wasn't around.

"Did you have to get us up so early Luther? This is earlier than our typical schedule." Klaus complains

"Yes. We all need to be present so we can question him. We're stronger together." Luther replies

Klaus lets out a defeated sigh. Luther, Allison, and Diego stood up and waited for Five to wake up and come downstairs. It took a while, so long that the other three had fallen back asleep on one of the couches. When the children heard their brother coming down the stairs though they all got ready to strike. Strike with their questions that is. Diego smacked Klaus' head so that he would wake up.

"Ow!" Klaus exclaims jolting up waking Ben and Vanya in the process

When Five walked into the parlor and saw all of his siblings there he said,

"Morning. Why are you all just sitting down here?"

"Five, why don't you take a seat," Luther says gesturing to a spot on the couch

"Uh, alright." Five replies

He slowly walks over to the open space on the couch and sits down. He looks at his siblings confused and asks,

"What's going on?"

"We just have a few questions for you." Diego replies

"Okay? Go on." Five says

"Well, given recent circumstances..." Allison starts

"We were just wondering..." Luther continues

"What's your girlfriend's name?!" Klaus interjects

"What? (Y/N) isn't my girlfriend." Five retorts

He then realizes what he had just said. He not only admitted your existence but he told them your name.

"Shit!" Five yells jumping up from his seat "None of you better say anything or I'll slit your throats one by one."

"Calm down Five, we're not going to tell anyone," Allison says

"How can I trust that you guys won't hold this over my head as some type of blackmail, huh?" Five retorts

"We're siblings, we wouldn't do that," Vanya adds

"Why are you getting so worked up about this anyway? She's just some girl." Diego asks

"(Y/N) IS NOT JUST SOME GIRL. SHE IS MY BEST FRIEND AND I LOVE HER." Five yells

The room goes silent but the volume of the words Five had just said was louder than anything. Five stood there in a moment of realization. He loved her. He loved (Y/N). The silence hangs in the air for a bit but then is cut by Klaus exclaiming,

"Awwwww our angry little munchkin is in love! How sweet!"

"At least he found someone outside the family," Diego whispers to the three siblings on the couch

The four of them start to chuckle to themselves. Allison then turn to them and asks,

"What are you guys laughing about?"

"Oh, nothing," Klaus replies

"Whatever," Allison says with a shake of her head

"Can we meet her?" Ben asks

Five snaps out of his trance and looks towards Ben. Soon all his siblings were begging to meet you. They wanted to know all about you and see what made their sarcastic grump of a sibling so happy. Their incessant chatter became so overwhelming that Five burst and said,

"Fine! Just stop asking me."

While the rest of his siblings celebrated, Five went to the kitchen to grab his breakfast from Grace and then immediately flashed up to his room. He really wasn't excited to introduce you to the rest of his siblings. Especially after he had just admitted he had feelings for you. What if they embarrassed him? What if they ended up not liking you? What if they told you how he felt and you didn't feel the same and you didn't want to be around him anymore? All these thoughts flew through his head as he chomped down on his breakfast anxiously waiting for your arrival later that day.

His siblings downstairs though were excitedly prepping for you to come over. Not only were they excited to meet the person that their brother was in love with but you would be the first outsider of their own age that they got to meet. They were prepared to ask you so many questions because they wanted to know every little detail about you. They even asked Grace to make snacks for the occasion without mentioning what the occasion was for (although Grace had an idea of what it might be).

As the day went by it became close to the time in which you typically arrived. Five became more and more anxious as the minutes ticked down because he was hesitant to introduce you to the rest of his family. Pacing back and forth he tried to think of a way out of introducing you but it was too late because when he turned to pace in the other direction you were already sitting on his window sill.

"What's wrong?" You asked him

With a deep sigh, he replied,

"I don't know how but my siblings found out about you and they really want to meet you."

"Well then let me meet them." You respond "but let's do it my way."

Five looks at you intrigued. You wave your hand to call him over and then whisper your plan in his ear. Five looks at you with a devilish smirk and nods in agreement. Five heads downstairs with you invisibly trailing behind him. When he enters the parlor he addresses his siblings with a smile saying,

"Well, here she is."

"Where?" Vanya asks

"Right here!" you say as you phase your head through Five's chest

The six other siblings start to scream in panic at what you had done. You phase back out of Five and stand to his side. The two of you fall to the ground and bust out laughing at the fear you had caused his siblings. Five stands up and extends a hand to help you off the ground. Then when the six other Hargreeves siblings calm down and stop screaming you try to introduce yourself but before you can respond Grace and Pogo run into the room.

"Children, what is with all the commotion?" Pogo asks

"Are all of you okay?" Grace questions

The children nod their heads but then turn to you causing Grace and Pogo to look your way.

"Uh hi. I'm (Y/N)." You say nervously

"Oh, you must be Five's new friend!" Grace says cheerfully "The kids have been so excited to meet you! Let me go get the snacks I prepared!"

When Grace exits the room Pogo looks you up and down before saying,

"So you're the child from across the street with unexplained powers."

"Well yes, but uh...I wouldn't quite say they're unexplained." You reply

You avoid the gaze of everyone nervous about how they might react to you. You can feel the intense stares of everyone in the room waiting for you to explain how you can do the things you do. You then feel a familiar hand grab yours. Turning your head Five gives you a reassuring nod. Taking a deep breath you turn your attention back to the crowd in front of you before stating,

"I was born on October 1st, 1989 at 12pm."

Some of the kids' jaws drop while others eyes go wide. You try to calm your nerves as you can feel yourself shaking

"Go on." Pogo requests

"My mother was not pregnant when the day began but yet she had me anyway. Ever since I was a child I've had these unnatural and unexplained abilities." You continue

"What are your abilities?" Ben asks

"Well, simply I can manipulate molecules. Through practice I've taught myself to do some things but since molecules make up everything I know I can probably do more, or at least improve upon what I can already do."

"So what can you do then?" A stern voice comes from the parlor entrance

"Master Hargreeves, I did not expect you to be back so early," Pogo says shocked

The kids look over to see their father standing there. Five grabs your hand tighter and pulls you slightly behind him as if to be a wall in between you and his father.

"Well go on then, if you aren't fooling my family then you will show us these abilities you claim to have."

Fear struck your heart after hearing the stories from Five of how he treated him and his siblings but you knew you were stronger than him. You had powers beyond belief and he did not. Gaining your courage you step forward and look at the old man sternly before stating,

"Oh, it would be my pleasure."

You feel a rush of power and adrenaline course through your veins as you show off what you can do. Turning invisible you make your way over to paperweight lying on a desk. Making yourself visible again you raise the paperweight into the air and turn it into a liquid and then into a gas. Walking forward you phase through everything in your path from chairs, to tables, to statues. When you arrive closer to the other kids you make the paperweight reappear and ask,

"Which one of you is the strongest?"

Luther stands up and steps forward.

"Put your hands out."

Luther does as he's told and once he is ready with his hands out your drop the paperweight that is immensely denser than it typically would be. Just as Five had with the quarter, Luther immediately drops to the ground hard enough that it actually dents the floor.

"I- I can't lift it! It's too heavy! I can't get it off me." He yells

As you continue to make the paperweight denser than it should be you then disappear. Disassembling yourself from in front of the children and reassembling yourself right behind Mr. Hargreeves. You then ask sternly,

"Was my demonstration to your satisfaction, sir?"

Reginald turns around visible shock in his eyes. You did have abilities just like you said and somehow they were more developed than any of his children thus far. You could be a good asset to assist his children in becoming stronger and more developed. Reginald regains his composure and comments,

"Your powers are impressive, although your attitude is not."

"It's not attitude, it's called freedom of expression." You retort "It's something you acquire when your parents actually love you."

Such a sharp tongue for such a small girl. Although Reginald wouldn't show it he was almost impressed. He didn't quite like your ability to stand up to him but the more he saw of you the more he figured he could use you to improve his own children's skills. If they could become efficient in combat with someone who had the ability to control molecules then they would be able to take on anything. The two of you stared each other down before you said,

"I am going to depart earlier than I typically do so you can spend some quality time with your family. I will be back tomorrow though whether you like it or not."

And with that, you were gone. Everyone watched as you left in shock and awe of not only of your abilities but the true power you had of putting Reginald Hargreeves, the cruelest man these kids have ever known, in check. And from that day forward you became a key part of the Hargreeves family even though you weren't their sibling. You brought a different dynamic to the group that they hadn't had before.

To Grace, you were another child to take care of. She adored you in the same way she adored all of the other children in the household. Although you were not there all the time you still mattered a great deal to her and she enjoyed hearing about your time at school or something you did back at your home. She tried to encourage you in the same way she encouraged all the children to do their best and when you struggled she was there to support you.

To Reginald and Pogo, you were a key part of the development of the Umbrella Academy. Each day when you came over you agreed to train with the children on the condition that you and they were able to play and hang out afterward. Reginald despised the lack of structure but he despised not using you as a combat training mechanism more. With you around the kids learned new strategies to take down threats that were unseen and controlled parts of nature that they could not. You also improved upon your abilities by being able to do them naturally and not have to concentrate all the time. You were also able to learn new skills such as self-defense and offensive fighting maneuvers and the ability to use the molecules around you to create things such as fire, water, or smoke. With each practice session, you, Five, and all his siblings grew stronger.

But to the children, you had the greatest impact. You became a comfort to them. First of all, the fact that you were able to get them legitimate free time where they could just play was a miracle and they were forever grateful for that. Second of all, you gave them a connection that they had never experience. You became a friend, one that they greatly needed and never had before. You and Vanya bonded over your love of classical instruments. You played the piano and she played the violin. To her, it was nice to have someone who shared her passion but also someone who saw her as more than just ordinary. You made her feel special and like she was important in a house that had thrown her to the side. For Allison, you were the girl bestie she could never find. The two of you would talk about anything from pop culture to make up to boys. You even snuck her some magazines every once in a while. The two of you looked out for each other, she kept your secrets and you kept hers. To Ben, you were just a nice addition. Compared to all his siblings who were constantly ready for battle and always ready to use their powers you were just normal. He was shy but he felt like he could open up and talk to you and that's all he really needed. As for Klaus you gave him an outlet to get all his energy and need to be entertaining out. You were his perfect audience and he took great comfort in knowing that you accepted him as is more so than his family. To Luther and Diego, you were a fierce opponent in training but more so you made them feel strong. They both felt a strong desire to protect you because you protected them. For Luther, you helped to reassure him that he was a good leader and he was worthy of being Number One. And for Diego, you helped him with his stutter without judgment and listened to the feelings he was keeping inside.

And then there was Five. You were already his best friend and even though you branched out to the rest of the family you always reassured him that he was your number one pick out of the Hargreeves siblings. Every moment with Five was better than the last and each time you were with him you found more and more things to love about him. You didn't know it but Five felt the same about you. Although neither of you saw it everyone else could see how much the two of you meant to each other. In combat, you two would always work together and look out for each other. At the end of the day no matter who you had spent time with earlier you always went back to five and he always went back to you. You were each other's best friend and confidants. Closer than close, you two were inseparable. Every day was spent with each other and your shared upcoming birthday was no exception.

tag list: @xplrreylo @joebob15274 @insatiable-ivy @fruitsaladtree @angelpeachamber @academy-umbrella @lizziel1410 @ir3neeee @faith-quake @aliens-with-colas @eddiomyspaghettio @lady-celeste25

#five #five hargreeves #five x reader #five x you #five hargreeves x you #five hargreeves x reader #five headcanons #five hargreeves headcanons #5 #5 hargreeves #tua five #tua five hargreeves #ua five #ua five hargreeves #the umbrella academy x you #umbrella acedmy #umbrella academy x reader #the umbrella academy x reader #the umbrella academy #tua #tua fic idea #tua2 #ua #ua2 #tua luther #tua allison #tua deigo #tua klaus #tua ben #tua vanya

[xxdragonwriterxx]

🔥The Angelus Mortis (2/2)🔥

A/N: Here is part 2 of “The Angelus Mortis”! Part 1 is linked below if you haven’t read that part yet. Thank you for reading!

Part 1

~~~

The next day, Erwin woke up early to visit (Y/N) one last time before he had to hand her over to the MP’s. He sighed in disappointment. He thought he had been getting through to her, especially after she had given him her name, but he was left with nothing but false hope when she remained adamant about not answering any of his questions. He ran one of his large hands through his blonde locks in frustration as he made his way down the stone steps into the gloomy dungeon below.

He had no idea why he felt so conflicted when it came to this woman, why he had a feeling she was a better person than she was letting on. His heart battled with his brain as he walked, causing him to groan when he felt a headache begin to form. Why did he feel like he was missing something? Something important? He knew she would be a valuable asset to the Survey Corps if she cooperated, her strength rivaling that of Levi’s which would give them two vital weapons on the field. And he was sure that under Levi’s supervision she would flourish, maybe even develop a friendship with the sullen man. Maybe that’s why he felt so strange, because it was a missed opportunity?

Erwin shook his head as he finally rounded the corner, pushing away his inner turmoil to mull over on a later date. Immediately upon his arrival, (Y/N) rolled over on the small, filthy cot she had been provided, and met his gaze.

“Here to collect me, already?” (Y/N) asked, her disdain barely veiled by her attempt at a quip.

“No, not yet,” Erwin said as he sat down in the lone metal chair he had used the day before.

(Y/N) sat up slowly and crossed her legs, resting her hands in her lap as she turned to face him completely.

“Then what are you doing here?”

“Well, you have spent one whole day here and you’ve been alone for most of that time. I came down here to see if you’re ready to answer my questions now.”

(Y/N) grit her teeth. “I told you, I don’t want to answer any of your shitty questions.”

“What’s the point? You’re going to be heading right for your very painful death in just a few hours, what is keeping you from parting with some information that will likely be unimportant soon anyway?”

“Just because I’m dying doesn’t mean I have to justify my life, to you of all people.”

“I only want to help you, this could save your life.”

“Why the hell do you care so much about me anyway? What am I to you? Do you want me for something? Maybe for your own personal desires?” (Y/N) suddenly bristled. “I didn’t take you as someone who would stoop so low, Commander, but what did I expect? I guess that’s what I get for thinking a murderer could show empathy. And to think, I almost learned to trust you a little.”

Erwin blanched, his face paling and his eyes widening.

“What?” He asked in utter shock. A murderer? What the hell was she going on about?

(Y/N) seethed at him and turned away, her entire body tensed and angry.

“Do whatever the hell you want with me,” (Y/N) said in a low voice. “Beat me, kill me, fuck me, do whatever you want, but I’ll never tell you anything.”

Erwin was quiet for a minute as he fought to process what he had just heard. A killer? Him? He only killed when he really needed to, aside from when he was fighting titans, of course, but he rarely used his weapons on a person, and never with malicious intent.

“What makes you think I’m a murderer?” Erwin asked.

(Y/N) suddenly whirled on him, her teeth bared, showing more of the wolf inside her that she had developed in the Underground. Her eyes flashed with fury and her fists clenched at her sides as she lost control.

“How dare you ask me that question,” (Y/N) snarled. “How dare you after what you took from me? Do you not even remember? Were they really that meaningless to you? You took away my family, the only positive thing I had in this world. You ripped them from me and now you dare ask how you have wronged?”

Erwin was bewildered now but he tried not to let it show on his face. He had to tread carefully. If he didn’t say the right thing, she might end up shutting down completely, and then he would lose any chance of keeping her from getting killed. He also wanted to keep her from hating him. If she was going to join the Corps, he would have to be able to lead his men without fearing for his life every time she was around.

“Did… did they live in the Underground with you?” Erwin asked carefully.

(Y/N) plopped down on her bed, rage still coursing through her veins as she looked at the man she had loathed ever since the fateful day her family had disappeared from her life, but she felt too tired to argue with him. He had won anyway, she was going to be tortured, maybe violated, killed, and then dumped in a trash can somewhere, left to die alone and forgotten. There was no point in trying to fight him anymore, not when he held the strings attached to her back, commanding the show and forcing her to dance. She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of seeing her break, but she knew her fate was sealed the moment she was brought up from the Underground. “Yes,” she said in a small voice, her head hanging low so that her hair covered her eyes.

“Are they the reason why you asked for my name in the Underground? Why you hesitated when you saw my face?”

(Y/N) only nodded.

“Are they why you targeted soldiers? To make us feel the pain you did when you found out they were gone?”

(Y/N) nodded again, more slowly this time and with a single glimmering tear that slid down her cheek and hit the stone floor with a barely audible tap.

Erwin hesitated again and swallowed hard.

“I’m sorry… for your loss.”

(Y/N) scoffed at him, her eyes filled with a smouldering hatred as she met his gaze.

Erwin cringed a little. He knew how apathetic that apology must have sounded, but he was at a loss for words. He just had to keep trying.

“I mean it. If I am responsible for their deaths then it must mean they died in combat, under my command. So, I am sorry for not being able to lead them properly. For not being able to protect them and bring them back home to you. I am so sorry…”

(Y/N) didn’t respond but he did notice that her gaze softened just slightly at his apology. He was starting to get through to her again. He knew that her acceptance of his apology was just a chink in the protective walls surrounding her broken heart, but he would take whatever he could get.

That was when Erwin suddenly realized something, the image of two faces flashing in his mind as he thought about what she had said. There had only been three people he had ever brought up from the Underground to be in the Survey Corps, and only two of them were dead. Farlan and Isabel.

Thinking back on it, Levi had never mentioned anyone other than Isabel and Farlan, and when he had been busted and brought to the surface he had only come with his two friends. Maybe they had never met. Maybe (Y/N) only knew Farlan and Isabel from her childhood and early adulthood while Levi was a mere business partner. Or maybe they did know each other but only through brief business interactions.

His heart jumped a little in his chest when he realized he was on to something. Maybe he could show her to Levi and see what his reaction would be? See if he would be the key to having her cooperate? Besides, it might be good for them, the both of them having lost their two best friends in a horrific manner, giving them the chance to form a bond or close friendship. It might even give Levi some closure. Erwin would be a bad friend if he hadn’t noticed how the loss of Levi’s past friends were still affecting him.

“How… how did they die?”

(Y/N)’s sudden question surprised him but he quickly brought himself back to the moment, not wanting to scare her away from talking to him again. He honestly couldn’t believe this was the same woman who had been bantering back and forth with him the day before, but he now realized she had been using it as a means of protecting herself. To make herself seem more confident in the face of the one person she supposedly hated the most. She had entertained him so he would stop digging, stop trying to dredge up old, painful memories.

“We were on an expedition outside of the walls and it started to storm. We tried to retreat but the rain and open meadows made it difficult to find our way back. Everything looked the same, blurry and gray or green. In the confusion, an abnormal titan snuck up on us and killed the majority of our troops, your family among them.”

(Y/N) was quiet but met his gaze again, her eyes shining with unshed tears. She looked so vulnerable at that moment. He could tell she still had that fighting spirit, that unwavering strength; the vulnerability did not make her look weak or pitiable in the slightest. It just made her look more… human.

“What happened to the titan?” She asked.

“One of my Captains, Levi, took care of it.”

(Y/N)’s head suddenly jolted up, her entire body going rigid. “Wha-”

“Erwin!” The Commander turned around to see Hanji standing on the stone steps leading down to the dungeon, clutching a lantern in one hand and a pair of handcuffs in the other.

Erwin stood and met his girlfriend on the steps, taking the manacles from her. Hanji gazed at him for a minute before her gaze shifted to the woman in the cell. Erwin could tell right away that Hanji felt something similar about the mysterious assassin, that she had the strange feeling that there was something more to her like he did. He could see it in her eyes, in the way they shone even in the darkness of the dungeon.

“Time to go,” Hanji said softly.

Erwin nodded and made his way to the cell, Hanji following close behind with a sword in her grasp, ready to cut the woman down should she try anything.

When Erwin moved to stand behind her, leaning down to lock her wrists into the handcuffs, (Y/N) hung her head again, her mind still spinning with the name that had fallen from the Commander’s lips. 

It was a name she hadn’t heard in years, a name that still haunted her dreams and left her feeling cold and alone. There was no way it was really him. Levi was a common enough name that the Captain could be anyone. Despite this, the fact that there was a chance he was really out there, gave (Y/N) peace of mind. 

If he was dead, then she guessed she was going to see him soon, maybe finally live the life they wanted to, if that was even possible after death. If he was alive, then that would still be satisfactory enough for her. Either way, she hoped she’d get to see him again soon. Maybe death wouldn’t be so bad.

“Commander Erwin,” (Y/N) said.

“Yes?” Erwin said, trying to hide the surprise in his voice when she said his real name rather than mocking his title of Commander or calling him an idiot.

“How is your shoulder?”

Erwin was baffled but answered her honestly.

“Sore but healing well.”

“Good. I’m sorry I stabbed you.”

Erwin swallowed and shook his head to tell her it was alright, his throat refusing to let him speak. Hanji was watching the Angelus Mortis carefully, her eyes filled with confused sorrow. (Y/N) glanced at the bespeckled Squad Leader and nodded once, a tiny smile curving at the corners of her lips.

(Y/N) could do nothing but sit still as they finished clamping her hands behind her back and stood her up, leading her out of the cell and up the stairs to her inevitable death.

_____________________________

Levi strode through the halls, looking for Erwin. He had been told immediately upon his arrival that the Commander had managed to capture a dangerous assassin from the Underground and needed his assistance in transporting them to the Military Police base to be detained and sentenced to death. He had been a bit surprised with the news, he hadn’t known that Erwin was hunting for a killer from the slums, but he had been out for an entire week on that solo mission, so things were bound to happen without his knowledge while he was gone.

Levi only paused by his office to switch out the sword he had for a cleaner, sharper one. The blade he had carried previously was covered in filth and worn from the constant fights he had been forced to break up on his mission.

As soon as he had a better weapon, he set off for the dungeons where Erwin and Hanji were supposedly already bringing the criminal up the stairs. He hadn’t heard much about this assassin, all he knew was that they were exceedingly dangerous, known as the Angelus Mortis, and they were headed for death row. He gripped his sword a bit tighter as he walked, readying his mind to prepare for anything. A criminal this dangerous would be incredibly strong and while he had no doubt in his mind that he could defeat the bastard, he would rather get out of the fight with all of his limbs attached.

“Levi! Over here!”

Levi looked up as he approached the dungeon steps, his silver eyes flickering over to the prisoner in Hanji’s and Erwin’s grasp. His eyes widened a little when he realized the assassin was a woman, her filthy (h/c) hair covering her face as she hung her head.

“Oi, who are you? What’s your name?” Levi asked coldly, his eyes narrowing on her thin form.

He expected her to keep her head down despite his commanding tone. He knew criminals like this, you could yell at them all you wanted, demand things from them, even beat them and they would usually remain stubbornly silent. 

What he did not expect was for her to lift her head sharply, the sound of his voice triggering something in her.

Levi gasped audibly when her (e/c) eyes met his silver ones, his entire world shifting beneath his feet. Her whole body froze when she saw him. For a moment, nobody breathed, Levi’s eyes roving over her constantly as he tried to wrap his mind around what he was seeing.

(Y/N). That was (Y/N). His (Y/N).

The one who had given him so much love and appreciation every day despite their shitty lives in the slums. The one who had comforted him when the world felt too dark; the one who loved him when he couldn’t love himself; the one who patched him up after a fight and fought by his side when she could. It was (Y/N). Undoubtedly (Y/N).

“Levi? What’s the matter?” Hanji asked.

Levi suddenly remembered the reality of their situation. (Y/N) was the goddamn Angelus Mortis. The most dangerous assassin in the world was the love of his life, and she was being sentenced to death.

“Let her go,” Levi said, his voice low.

“What? But Levi-”

“I said let her go!” Levi barked.

Hanji and Erwin exchanged concerned glances but slowly moved to unlock the handcuffs holding her to them.

As soon as she was free, (Y/N) sprinted forward and crashed into Levi, her small frame hitting him like a bullet. 

“LEVI!!!” (Y/N) cried in a strangled voice.

Levi grunted a little at the impact but wasted no time in wrapping his arms around her waist, completely forgetting about the audience that watched them, their mouths dropped open in shock. Hanji and Erwin were no better, their eyes wide.

“Oh my fucking gods, it’s you, it’s really you,” (Y/N) whispered in awe, her arms tightening around him, holding each other in the middle of the hallway.

Levi was about to speak when he looked up and noticed that everyone was staring. Sending a glare in the direction of their audience that promised a painful death to anyone who spoke, Levi reluctantly pulled away from (Y/N) and grabbed her wrist, tugging her along behind him as he made for his office.

“Wait, Levi!”

“Levi! What the hell!?”

Levi heard Erwin and Hanji call out to him but he ignored them, making a beeline for the familiar wooden door to his quarters. He could hear the pounding footsteps of the Commander and the crazy scientist coming up behind him, but he did not stop or slow down, his eyes trained on his destination.

When they had finally reached his office, Levi pulled (Y/N) inside and begrudgingly let Erwin and Hanji join them before slamming the door shut and locking it. (Y/N) barely had enough time to glance around the space before he was on her again, this time sealing their lips in a searing kiss that stole the air from her lungs.

Erwin’s and Hanji’s jaws dropped at the sight of Humanity’s Strongest Soldier kissing the Angelus Mortis without a care in the world. Neither one of them had ever known Levi to be interested in love, the sullen man even going so far as to get angry at the mention of it, rolling his eyes when couples kissed in the hallways and gagging when Hanji tried to set him up with someone.

Levi pulled away from the kiss, panting, before he moved his lips to place desperate butterfly kisses all over her face and neck, his body humming at the feeling of her against him for the first time in years.

When they finally broke apart again, both of them ignoring the company they had in the office with them, they stared at each other, their eyes shining as they took the sight of their lost lover. (Y/N) reached up and gently cupped his cheek with her palm, her heart nearly exploding when he nuzzled into her touch, his eyes closing and his own hand coming up to cover her own.

“Gods, I missed you so fucking much,” Levi murmured.

“Me too Levi, I missed you so much, I don’t even have the words to express it.”

“I thought I lost you…,” Levi choked out, a single tear sliding down his cheek to hit her thumb where her hand was still holding his face.

“I thought I lost you,” (Y/N) whispered, her thumb moving to swipe the tear off of his skin. “I was told when I asked around that you were killed in combat with Farlan and Isabel, after being forced to join the military.”

Levi’s eyes opened, his silver hues glassy with unshed tears.

“I tried to get you. Tried to come back for you. But when I got to the Underground, everyone near our old place told me you had been brutally murdered. I even found the inside of our house to be destroyed with blood splattered on the floor.”

Levi’s body began to tremble as he relived the horrendous memory. The time when he thought all hope was lost, all life was meaningless, and that he was destined to be alone. When he had collapsed upon the filthy floor of their old ramshackle home, the blood soaking into his pants and sliding over his palms, he had wanted nothing more than to die. Almost did, until he managed to remind himself that she would’ve never wanted that for him. That she would’ve killed him if he decided to end his life. And so he had hardened his heart and left the scene, making that promise to himself right then and there that he would never love another woman ever again. He would live, for her sake, but he would never love, for his sake.

(Y/N) glanced away from him then, her hand dropping from his face to twist nervously in front of her, her knuckles turning white from the pressure.

“Yeah, well, when I thought you were dead, I knew there was no hope for me left. I was in agony, but I was also furious. Beyond furious at both the Military Police and the Survey Corps for taking you and Isabel and Farlan away from me. Aside from that though, I was also scared. Scared they would find out about our relationship and come looking for me. I knew I had to get out of there, I refused to work for the murderers who had taken away my one happiness in this life. So I trained myself, starting by faking my own death to become untraceable. Then I became stronger, faster. I killed both to remain free and to make them feel the pain I felt when you were ripped away from me.”

Levi’s eyes softened and he reached for her, bringing her into his chest and holding her tightly, his fingers tangling in her hair. Oh gods she was skin and bones, he could feel how malnourished she was through his shirt, her ribs poking him in the chest as he held her.

Suddenly, the Commander’s sharp voice broke the spell in the room, making both Levi and (Y/N) jump a little when he spoke.

“Sorry to interrupt, but what the fuck is going on here?” Erwin asked.

Levi and (Y/N) pulled out of their embrace but Levi kept an arm around (Y/N)’s shoulders, holding her close to him as if she’d disappear if he let go.

“Sorry, Erwin, Hanji,” Levi said, looking at each of his friends in turn. “I’d like for you to properly meet (Y/N) Ackerman, my wife.”

If Erwin and Hanji thought they were shocked before, nothing could have prepared them for the bombshell that just landed on them. Both of their mouths fell open so they were gaping like fish, their words caught in their throats.

“YOUR WIFE!?” Hanji suddenly screeched, her eyes sparkling with shock and wonder.

(Y/N) couldn’t help but smile and nod, her expression making the room feel several degrees warmer.

“But, Levi, you’ve never worn a ring!” Erwin pointed out, his mind scrambling for any kind of clues that he had missed that would’ve told him sooner that Levi was married. He came up empty. He knew for a fact that Levi never wore a ring on his hand, knew that if he had, Hanji would’ve never stopped asking him about it.

Levi then flashed a small smile of his own, and reached up to remove the cravat from around his neck. As soon as the pristine white fabric had fallen away, Erwin and Hanji were both able to see the silver chain that was clasped around his neck, a simple gold band hanging from the center.

(Y/N) reached up with her own hands to move the flaps of the old jacket she was wearing, the same silver chain with a gold ring on the end of it sitting against her sternum.

Erwin and Hanji just stood and stared in complete and utter shock for a moment, before Hanji suddenly let out a loud squeal, her eyes shining behind her glasses as she ran right up to (Y/N). Levi stuck an arm out as the energetic woman came running up to them.

“Oi, Four-Eyes, don’t go harassing her.”

“Levi, this is your wife! I can’t not come and say hello!” Hanji said incredulously, pushing his arm away and ignoring his scowl as she bounded around (Y/N) excitedly. “Oh my gods you are so pretty! No wonder Shorty likes you!”

(Y/N) blushed at the comment and sheepishly ducked her head down a little but she was smiling brightly, her fingers moving to gently run down Levi’s arm, telling him she was alright even with this wildly energetic woman in her face.

“T-Thank you,” (Y/N) said. “Are you a friend of Levi’s?”

The  scientist nodded excitedly and stuck out her hand for (Y/N) to shake. “The name’s Hanji.”

(Y/N) shook her hand and tried to force the blush from her cheeks as Hanji continued to fawn over her.

“Levi, how come you never told us you were married?” Erwin asked while his girlfriend continued to blubber away, cooing over (Y/N)’s features and already beginning to set up a meal plan to help her get strong again.

Levi leveled a gaze at his Commander and one of the few people he called his friend. It was hard to tell what the giant blonde was thinking. He obviously knew Hanji’s opinion on everything, but Erwin’s sharp blue eyes remained unreadable but no less intense as they settled on the shorter man, waiting for a response. Levi naturally drifted almost imperceptibly closer to (Y/N) before speaking.

“I thought she was dead, Erwin. I’ve thought that ever since I went back to try to bring her up with me and found that scene at the house. Not only would telling you have been pointless, but also, it hurt too much to talk about her. I never took off my ring, I always wear it under my cravat, but I could never bring her up in conversation, not without feeling like my heart was being ripped out,” Levi said quietly, his voice a low rumble and his cheeks tinted with the palest pink as he admitted his feelings aloud.

Erwin contemplated his Captain’s words, his eyes narrowed on the sharp grey ones that stared right back. After a moment, Erwin could tell there was no deception in his friend’s gaze, nothing to suggest he hadn’t told them about (Y/N) for some unorthodox reason. The Commander nodded once, and he could’ve sworn Levi let out the softest sigh of relief. Hanji’s head suddenly shot up from where she had been examining (Y/N) for injuries.

“So that’s why you never accepted any of the women I tried to set you up with!” She said. “You were always so bothered by it, always so angry, now I know why!”

“Yeah,” Levi grumbled as he glared at the scientist. “Even when I thought she was dead, I just couldn’t love another…” 

Hanji stared at him for a moment before her eyes softened. She knew how hard it was for him to admit all of this, how awkward he must feel right now trying to explain everything. She wasn’t used to seeing her normally blunt, stoic, collected friend so nervous.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know. I just didn’t want you to be so sad and lonely anymore.”

Levi threw her another glare but it was less harsh this time, and having been friends with the grumpy man for so long, Hanji could read the hidden gratitude in his eyes. She nodded once in response and went back to checking (Y/N) over.

“(Y/N),” Erwin called, suddenly turning to face her after watching Hanji examine her.

“Yes?”

“Now that we’ve found out about your connection to my Captain here, I want to remind you that I am technically still obligated to take you to the Military Police for your crimes.”

Levi let loose an almost animalistic snarl and wrapped his arms around (Y/N), his eyes flashing and his teeth bared as he dared his friend to even try to take her from him. Erwin didn’t even bat an eye, a small smile curving at the corners of his lips.

“Since it is obvious that is not really an option for either of you, I would like to formally ask you to join the Survey Corps. That way, I can discount any charges against you and protect you from being forcibly taken from our custody once the Military Police realize we are not going to arrive.”

(Y/N) looked up at her husband, meeting his gaze and squeezing his hand comfortingly. Gods she had missed him so much, her heart ached with how much she loved this man, how much she never wanted to let him out of her sight ever again. Even though she had hated the military for most of her life, basing her entire career around it in her search for vengeance, there was no debate in her mind. Even if joining the Survey Corps wouldn’t have guaranteed her life, she knew she would’ve always agreed.

“Yes, I will join the Survey Corps, pledge my life to you, and fight for humanity,” (Y/N) said clearly and without hesitation, returning the smile the Commander threw her. Turning to Levi, (Y/N) looked deeply into his gunmetal eyes, marveling at the emotion swirling within them. “I will follow you, wherever you go, no matter what happens, I am never letting you out of my sight ever again.”

Levi let a genuine smile ride across his face as Erwin and Hanji left to go submit the proper paperwork, giving the reunited couple some privacy. Leaning down, Levi pressed his lips to hers in a blazing kiss, gentle and sweet but no less passionate, letting his kisses tell her exactly how he was feeling in that moment.

“I’m so glad you’re alive, (Y/N),” Levi whispered breathlessly when they pulled apart, resting his forehead against hers.

“I will always come back to you, Levi,”  (Y/N) said, her own eyes glazed with unshed tears. “I only ever feel truly alive when I am with you.”

~~~

A/N: I know the ending dialogue is a little cheesy but I had fun writing this anyway. Thank you again for reading and I hope you enjoy! More Levi content coming soon!

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[dessarious]

The Angel of Death Pt38

Inspired by this Story Starter by @someone-ev

AO3   Prologue   Beginning   Previous   Next

“I believe I’ve made myself quite clear sir.” Tris responded calmly, but inside she was cursing and calling herself every word she could come up with for ‘idiot’ or worse. Not only had she endangered herself in one moment of rage, she’d endangered the Kwami and the people who thought of her as a friend. She needed to get them all away and prepare them for the League to descend on Paris. There was no way word wouldn’t get back to Talia now and everyone who knew her was in danger. What the hell was wrong with her?

“I suppose you have, but I still think we should talk. You seem to be under the impression that Damian is still in contact with, or even connected to Talia, but I can assure you he’s not. I would also like to know what the connection between you two is.” Tris finally took the time to look at Damian’s threads. There was a dark purple thread connecting him to Mr. Wayne and various others, some lighter, going off in one direction. The anger she felt at that surprised her but considering he was the reason she only had one familial connection it annoyed her that he got to have those relationships. Maybe it was petty, but she couldn’t help it at the moment. What really caught her attention was the inky black thread that was running in the same direction as her own. She had to wonder what had caused Talia to turn on her precious son.

“We’re soulmates.” Tris glared at Damian’s bored tone in response to his father. He’d always put on an apathetic front about their string that annoyed her to no end.  

“We were soulmates. That bond was severed and luckily for me it shows no signs of reforming.” She saw something flash in his eyes but it was too fast to get a good read on it. His father looked like he’d just been slapped. For her part she was doing her best not to look at the string between them. It was a rather nauseating greenish orange which was bad enough, but it was also pulsing in a way that left her with a sense of dread.

“Damian has changed a lot in the last few years, perhaps if you two got to know each other again your bond would have a chance to come back.” She couldn’t help the wan look she shot at the man. In any other case perhaps a red string was something to be cherished and protected. In this instance it absolutely wasn’t.

“Sir, being connected to your son destroyed my life in a way I’ll never be able to recover from. I’m not insane or stupid enough to invite that influence back in to see how much worse things can get.” The man looked like he wanted to argue further but Damian put a hand on his arm.

“She’s right. Our bond began weakening the moment we met. My death simply allowed the universe to correct a mistake.” His tone was… strange. The Damian she remembered would have been smug because he was no longer connected to a worthless burden like her, but now… from anyone else she’d call it wistful. It didn’t make any sense. She finally looked at the people around them and noted the mass confusion. They’d held the entire conversation in Arabic and she was glad for it. She was going to get interrogated regardless, but she’d rather not give them too much information. Mr. Wayne was looking between her and Damian obviously trying to decide if he should push the issue. Eventually he just sighed, pulled out a business card, and held it out to her. Tris just blinked at him.

“In case you ever change your mind, or if you need anything.”

“I won’t.” The man pinched the bridge of his nose before glaring at her.

“Just take it to make me feel better.” She looked at Damian to get a better idea of what his intentions were but he just looked amused.

“I assure you that I can find your information on my own should I require it. I don’t understand why giving me a piece of cardstock makes you feel better.” Domain actually coughed to cover a laugh and it stunned her for a moment. She’d never seen him show things so openly. It was creepy.

“None of these numbers are publicly available and I would feel better knowing you have them should you need help. Especially with Talia currently in the wind.” So he was trying to monitor her movements. That was something to look into later.

“She’s in Norway for the next few days, then likely will be heading to the Congo.” Once Tris realized the woman was looking for the Angel of Death she’d started taking jobs in the most random pattern she could manage. It was rather amusing watching the woman chase her trail. Both Damian and his father were looking at her like she’d grown a second head. “That woman already ruined my life once, I’m not about to let her sneak up on me to do that or worse again. I assure you I’m prepared for most scenarios, and if it’s something I’m not prepared for chances are high I wouldn’t be able to contact you anyway. They’re pretty much zero that you’d get to me in time to help even if you could.”

“You may as well just take it. If you don’t he’ll start monitoring your movements as well and I’m sure you don’t want that.” She let out an involuntary scoff at Damian’s assumption they’d be able to monitor her. Even without the Kwami to help, they’d only see what she allowed.

“You can try, but unlike you I haven’t been living the high life the past three years. I’ve been on my own evading your mother and everyone else in the League who thought it was a good idea to use me to get at you. I don’t care how good you think you are, you don’t stand a chance of following me if I don’t let you.” She couldn’t help the bitterness in her tone. The look of shock on Damian’s face that said he hadn’t even considered what her life had been like didn’t help her mood at all.

AO3   Prologue   Beginning   Previous     Next

Ko-Fi

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@kceedraws @theatreandcomicfreak @krispydefendorpolice @magic-miraculous @chocolatecatstheron @mooshoon @northernbluetongue @interobanginyourmom @rebecarojas07 @dast218 @abrx2002 @damianette-is-life @yin-390 @fontegagrilledcheese @bigpicklebananatree @tbehartoo @nobodyw8s4evr @linim2503 @ladybug-182 @marinettepotterandplagg @daminett4life @thethirdwheelfriend @corabeth11 @emotionalsupportginger @shizukiryuu @toodaloo-kangaroo @worlds-tiniest-spook-pastry @hauntedfreakdeputyhero @sassakitty @my-name-is-michell @multplelifes @sassydepression @danielslilangel @winter-gardenflower @animegirlweeb @romanoff-queen @nanakeid @paradoxal-occurance @theg0ddesspersephone @hinata3487 @irontimetravelflower @the-real-gingakid @heaven428 @peachedpocky @justafanwarrior @gentlemanoftimetravel @18-fandoms-unite-08 @kittycatwowmeow @pale-lady-dreamer @i-is-mysterious @captainartsypants @write-for-your-life2 @queengeorgiaaa @schrodingers25 @thecaptainthunder @elspethshadow @stela-likes-drawing @loysydark @lozzybowe @renscorpio @elmokingkong @the-fusionist @tis-i-beanbandit @smolplantmum @iwantwhirlledpeasandlotsatrees @colorfulmongerpsychicranch @chocolateherringtacofan @how-to-fuction-properly

#maribat #marinette dupain cheng #Tris #Damian Wayne #bruce wayne #assassin mari #angst

[artoutforblood]

I’m rereading Cirque du Freak again and it reminded me of an old oc of mine and their adopted dad ;-;

yes i know theres another character named Arrow don’t @ me

TW: child molestation (not by gavnur) and child assault and spoilers for CdF

Arrow Purl (born Abel Arrowood) is Gavnur Purl’s adopted kid. He rescued and made them half-vampire when they were 8 years old when he found them half-dead, in the middle of being murdered and molested by their attacker after they had been abandoned by their birth parents in a nearby shopping mall. 

Although he had initial doubts, if he were to save them, he had to make them half vampire so they could survive. Even knowing what could eventually happen to them in the future as a half-vampire, he couldn’t leave them to bleed out from their wounds with their last memories being violated. 

Even with the excelerated healing abilities, it still took them a week or more to heal from the fatal wounds with constant supervision from Gavnur. During the process, their brown hair turned fair silver, with some locks retaining their original color, and their brown eyes got a silver sheen to them. Gavnur chalks this up to the strain of the recovery and the transformation into half vampire, at least at first.

Eventually, they awaken in a daze, half crazed from the memories of their assault, and Gavnur quickly hypnotizes them into forgetting the event entirely and then lulling them back to sleep. When they wake next, they only remember being lured into the alley where he found them and nothing afterwards. The attack left them with several scars on their torso and the slash across their eye and neck, and they know they were attacked and was hurt terribly and Gavnur had to make them half vampire so they could survive because he told them, but isn’t aware of the specifics.

Though they’re initially wary of Gavnur due to previous neglect from their parents, they are still grateful to him for saving their life and taking them in. Gavnur Daddy-Issues Purl immediately takes to them and starts raising them as his own. 

Because of Arrow being missing instead of dead, and only being noticed that their gone by their past school teacher as their parents gave no missing persons reports, Gavnur cuts their hair, hides their gender, and gives them the new name Arrow and his last name, passing them as his nephew and adopted son from his deceased sister. 

Arrow is cautious and easily anxious and scared, and sticks to Gavnur like glue in most situations, often grabbing an article of clothing in reach or his hand. That being said, as they get a little older, they become curious and starts asking more questions about becoming a vampire and everything that comes with it. Most adults are fond of them because they are polite, kind, and have remarkable good behavior. Around Gavnur, they’re more outgoing, witty, and can be a troublemaker. 

Within a year, Arrow grows to love Gavnur dearly and begins calling him their Daddy. Arrow comes to hold him in high esteem and puts his livelihood over their own, much to his chagrin as the opposite is also true on his side. He spoils them with love to the point they can climb up in his lap at any point, even during situations where this could be considered impolite, and he’d let them. The relationship becomes a bit codependent as a result.

As time goes on, Arrow starts showing signs of having premonitions, put into three categories: Sense (most common), Know (as in knowing what a person has or plans), and See (least common and only happens when in direct contact with an object or person. They see the future as it will happen.) A future Seen is impossible to change, unlike a future Sensed. Younger Arrow often can’t put these events into words well, and sometimes forgets that it happens at all. They become more powerful and easier to remember and channel as they get older.

Theres a lot of stuff that happens, but I don’t feel like writing it all down. They do meet Larten before the events of CdF, and then later when Darren and Larten are with the Cirque. They have a horrible, foreboding feeling that something terrible will happen dealing with the four of them, but still makes fast friends with Darren and gains Larten’s affection. Darren see’s echoes of Annie in them and gets attached.

It takes Arrow thirty years to hop up in age, a year before the events of Vampire Mountain, where they look about 17-18. This makes them a late bloomer if I remember half vampire aging correctly. Darren is utterly shocked when they meet up again in Vampire Mountain, only for Arrow to tease him and remind him that they have always been much older than him.

The two’s relationship is that of close siblings. Before, Darren saw himself as the big brother, but that’s soundly flipped on its head and Arrow takes the mantle from him. Arrow is still somewhat childish and the years of traveling with Gavnur has made them more sure of themself, optimistic and cheerful, and gave them a sense of humor, but now that their body and mind has matured, they’re more responsible and is better able to understand adult conversations.

They elect themself to take the Trials first, to give Darren time to train, and takes it upon themself to watch over him and considers his safety very carefully. 

Then, well, Gavnur died, and it all changed. Arrow decides that all vamaneze deserve to die, and after Darren becomes a prince, they fall into depression and despair. Never leaving their room, never speaking, never moving, wanting nothing more than to starve to death and see their father again.

Larten, Darren, and Harkat come to visit and try to get them to eat something or drink blood, but nothing works. Until, Larten visits and puts a letter Gavner wrote on their bedside table. When he leaves, they read it, and realize it was written for them. Leading up to the event of his death, Arrow had been sensing something about to happen, and having dreams about him dying. They had been bringing it up often and anxiously, and the night before his death, they even crawled into his hammock like they did as a kid and begged him to never leave them.

This letter was to tell them that he knew he wouldn’t be able to keep that promise, but that no matter what happened, he wanted them to live a full life knowing that he loved them, and that he wanted them to have plenty of stories to tell when they met again in Paradise. 

This was enough for them to respond to Darren when he came to see them next, and the two ended up bawling on the floor. Darren because he felt guilty about Gavnur’s death, and Arrow mourning him and reassuring him it wasn’t his fault. They had Seen that future, and knew it was unchangeable. Larten comes to find them there later, with Arrow holding Darren as Gavnur had held them, and he comes to sit beside them. As Arrow grabs his cuff, he sheds a few tears for the boy he had once raised.

After this, Arrow becomes cynical, pragmatic, easily annoyed and angered, and devotedly loyal to Darren and Larten as they are the only family they have left, and they refuse to let them die. Any and all threats to them and their safety is met with severe and unprejudiced hostility. However, they become apathetic and uncaring about their own well-being, throwing themself into training and swordplay to a point that Larten has to step in. 

When Tiny comes telling of the prophecy, there is an immediate air of two opposing magnets coming near to each other. The earth shakes under their feet, the clouds clash and throw lightning that day, the air itself tastes of ozone and fire. The two recognize each other as dangerous and powerful enemies. Tiny doesn’t try to stop them from joining their crew, as he himself admits that he doesn’t even understand what they are enough to say no. 

When Vancha joins the band, the two do not hit off at the beginning. They’re disgusted with his bad hygiene and he thinks theyre a bit of a stick up the ass because of it. But, eventually, the two’s bickering becomes a thing of the past, replaced by affectionate jokes that are only sometimes at each other’s expense. Vancha bathing doesn’t hurt either.

Insert more stuff that I don’t want to type right now.

But. If you read CdF, you know what happens. And Arrow is left as a shell hellbent on killing all vampaneze, and initially fights tooth and nail against Evana’s plan to bear a half-vampire and half-vampaneze child, declaring: “IT WON’T BRING THEM BACK!” 

When Vancha grabs their arm and says, “What’s more important? Killing vampaneze, or our survival?” And in that moment, they saw their own, unchangeable future. 

They get older. They get older. They get older. And the world moves, and moves, and moves, and but they do not. Every second is an empty eternity, a lonely, torturous and slow death until they are berried where they stand, and the world is thrown into darkness and silence. 

They give no more resistance, and returns to Vampire Mountain. There, they take a vial and ask Madam Octa to bite the thin film over it and fill it with enough venom to kill a vampire.

They sit in one of the caves open to the outside, knowing Vancha will come to find them. When he does, they talk about the future, and they tell him that he has his responsibilities to tend to as the father of the future child. He asks what the vial is for, and they tell him its a sleeping potion, and that they hadn’t been sleeping well for a long time.

They make a small incision along a vein and asks him to stay while they fall asleep, because they’re scared of falling asleep alone.

“When the morning comes, I’ll be able to breathe again.”

He starts to ask what they mean, but they put the venom in their mouth before putting their lips to the cut and shooting the venom into their blood.

The world is black and silent.

#bonesart #oc #cirque du freak #gavner purl #hm. i wonder what part of my childhood made me the terrible angst goblin i am today. hm. #boneswrites #i guess? maybe? i wrote a lot #the man can't cut his own hair right what makes you think he'd be able to cut their hair right. and arrow just keeps it #looks at gavnur then at my oc tobi and back. um. wait.

[flowesona]

Machiavellian Means - Yandere! Namjoon x reader

This is a post to say thank you all so much for 1.5k! I cannot express how amazing it is to reach such a milestone after only a year of writing on this platform, and it is such a wonderful birthday present for me! 

This drabble is based on the fic Miasma, which I wrote with the wonderful @jooniescupcakes (to which i owe our friendship) as I thought it would be interesting to explore an idea that was hinted to in the original oneshot. I hope you enjoy!

“Namjoon! What is that on your face?” Besides the bright grin that adorned the young man’s face, there were small smears of mud and a blossoming bruise around his jawline. He wasn’t even remotely threatened by his mother’s tone.

“We went to visit the neighbour's goat, Mama. She kicked me, but they said with a compress it’ll be better in a few days.”

“Who is ‘We’?”

“(Y/N) and I.”

Namjoon’s cheek suddenly stung from the sudden impact of his mother’s open palm.

“What have I told you about spending time with that filthy girl? She’s a good for nothing rat, you shouldn’t be giving her a second of your day. Why, oh why can’t you find a nice noble girl?” She ranted, her finger jabbing into his chest.

His eyes welled up with tears at her words, feeling suddenly deflated from his wonderful day.

“I’m sick of this, do you hear me? How are we meant to be a respectable family when you spend every day with the muck of this society?” Mrs Kim just loved to drive the knife in deeper.

“When you turn up to the winter social with that massive bruise on your face, I will be the biggest laughing stock in the country. No more, you understand?”

“What?” Namjoon suddenly snapped back.

“No more spending time with that poor scum. We’ll lock you in the library if it teaches you to behave.” His mother grabbed him by the ear and dragged him to the said prison, the definite turning of the lock confirming that she was true to her word.

The hours spent shut away in the library did help Namjoon learn. Every medical book he could find, copies of the ‘The Canon’ and other assorted botanical books with price tags not to be sniffed at taught him all he could know about medicine. Some days he wouldn’t move for hours, caught up in his fascination with all things disease and cure. 

But whilst he was left to stew with only his books as company, more malicious thoughts started to plague his mind. He resented his parents, for how they seemed set on keeping him and (Y/N) apart. Especially his mother, for how she spoke about (Y/N) in such a crude way. Amidst the honest, good medical studying Namjoon was dreaming up ways to end his parents so that he could be with (Y/N) as he desired.

After a week of solitary confinement in the library with only words as his company and meals left by a sullen faced servant, Namjoon was finally called to have supper with his parents. 

He didn’t dare speak, keeping his eyes down as they ate in complete silence. His hope was that all would be forgiven and he could see (Y/N) again, only for his dream to be crushed as his father spoke up.

“We’ve found someone suitable to be your betrothed.” Namjoon froze. “Her father is an advisor to King James of England you see, and establishing a link with him would be ideal.”

“I won’t marry her.”

“And what, you’d prefer that peasant girl? Be reasonable cucciollo.” His father snapped back. “We’re going to meet her tomorrow.”

Namjoon stood up, his chair falling back. He didn’t speak, just breathed in and out to control the insane fury he felt burning inside.

“Sit down.”

He didn’t respond, just storming out the room and shoving any maid who dared get in his way. Now, his research had a purpose. Murder was on his mind.

To many, Namjoon lighting a basket of coal in the corner of his parents room would not arouse suspicion. Yet, combined with the damp entering the room through the open window would have a deadly effect, as he’d stumbled upon in his reading. He left the room, certain that as soon as they returned his parents would close the window and thus seal their fate. 

With sweet retribution about to unfold, Namjoon retired to his own room to sleep and eagerly anticipate his freedom to come.

When he was awoken by shouts and panic, he knew everything had gone according to plan. 

As he stumbled out of his room, the teenager grabbed the shoulder of one of the servants and feigned innocence as he asked what was wrong.

“My deepest condolences young master. Your parents have both passed in their sleep.” 

Namjoon was barely able to mask his glee, putting on a forlorn expression.

“I understand. I am to presume that I should become master of the house?” 

“The master’s brother shall be here soon to discuss arrangements.” He nodded, returning to his room briefly to dress himself before going to wait in the reception room for his uncle’s arrival.

His mind drifted away to dreams of his future as he waited, only being snapped out of them as the visitor seated themself on the armchair adjacent to his.

“My condolences for your loss.” Namjoon nodded apathetically. “I understand it must be trying times.”

“What arrangements have been made for my inheritance? It is immediate, yes?” He pressed.

“Not until you’re twenty one, I’m afraid.” His uncle replied. “Until then, you are in my duty of care.” 

“So you’re going to become master of the house?” An inconvenience, sure, but Namjoon was determined that he could overcome it with some persuasion over time.

“You will live at my estate in Florence. There is a university that you can pursue academics in, should you choose. I understand you expressed an interest in medicine, no?”

“I want to live here!” A wave of emotion swept over Namjoon. Suddenly, the threat of never seeing his (Y/N) again had risen up again. Tears pricked at his eyes. “Please, you cannot separate me from my family like this! This is my home!”

His uncle sighed as Namjoon broke down in front of him, the mature adult like stature gone.

“When you are twenty one, you can return, yes? Only a few years, and think about all the possibilities!”

It was clear there was no room for arguments. All Namjoon could do was wipe his tears and wish that one day, everything would work out and he would see her again.

#yandere #yandere bts #yandere x reader #yandere kpop #kpop yandere #yandere namjoon #yandere namjoon x reader #yandere au #yandere bts au #yandere rm #yandere rm x reader #yandere kim namjoon #bts namjoon #kim namjoon x reader #yandere kim namjoon x reader #namjoon x reader

[thegreatestofheck]

The Sun, The Moon, and The Stars ✯Prince Zuko✯

warnings - i’m not really sure how to say it, but she’s a water tribe girl in the fire nation, so there definitely is some racism/mocking of culture at a few points, but I tried to keep it to a minimum. if you think I portrayed something inaccurately please let me know. I don’t want to be putting out harmful material.  synopsis - She is a non-bender from the Northern Water Tribe who somehow found herself smack in the middle of Fire Nation central, where a young prince is fighting an internal battle she hopes to help him win.  a/n - So, uh, I have so many obx requests in my inbox and I have so many chapters to update of all my fics but instead, I decided to write an atla fic because I have no self control. thanks that’s all. 

***

How you ended up working as a servant in the Fire Nation palace, you had no idea. One day, you and your mom were spending the day in your canoe, and the next, you were on one of the smog machines that the Fire Nation called “ships”. You thought you were going to die. Somehow, you wound up serving the princess instead. 

She liked to pinch your cheeks and poke fun at your brown eyes. Hers were amber colored, like the flames that flickered from the bronze sconces that were the only source of light at night in the palace. She liked to make fun of the way your hair looped and how you were always too hot, too uncomfortable in the revealing red clothing that they forced you to wear. Azula was her name, but she made you call her Highness. 

You were two years older than her but you were always at her beck and call. Her friends were hardly better. While they didn’t pick fun at you or insult your culture, they sure did nothing to stop her torture of you. But you couldn’t fight back. All you could do was sit there and smile and do what she said, praying that your complacency would keep your mother, wherever she was, alive. 

The prince, however, he was different. Even before his banishment, he was always kind to you. As much as the Fire Nation royals had done to you, your family, and your tribe, you couldn’t bring yourself to hate him. 

He would smile when you passed by him in the corridor and never called for a guard when you accidentally ran into him. On the rare occasions you had to serve him, he would ask how your day was and he would help you where he could before his sister intervened. You once asked him why he treated you with respect. He told you it was because his mom taught him that everything that breathed was important and deserving of the same respect given to him. 

And on the day you told him that you hadn’t spoken to your mother in over a year, he promised that he would find her and find a way to reunite you with her. In spite of your better judgement, you felt a glimmer of hope. 

The next day, the young prince was banished after he lost an Agni Kai with his father. 

You never got to say goodbye. 

Three years passed. Three years of living at Princess Azula’s beck and call. Without the Prince and without her mother, she was nearly unstoppable. Her taunts grew more frequent, her hatred more vile. And then her friends left, Mai to live with her family and Ty Lee to join the circus. That left Azula bored with nothing to do but make your life misery. For three years you waited and suffered in silence. 

But then she left and you were all alone. There was no one to serve, no one to scream at you, no one to tug on your braids that you worked so hard to put in every morning. You spent your days wandering the halls of the palace you were never allowed to leave, hoping beyond reason to find your mother. 

But you never did. 

You were surprised with the Princess returned because she was no longer alone. Not only were Mai and Ty Lee by her side once again, but her brother, the exiled prince, trailed behind them. His chest was puffed, his chin was held high, the permanent reminder of his father’s hatred toward him worn proudly on his face. He looked defeated. 

When he saw you, standing there, breathless at the sight of him, he almost smiled and that look of defeat was almost like a victory. 

Three years ago, he had been just a scared boy who had shown a little bit of kindness to a girl he didn’t even know. He was older now, grown. His hair was longer and his eyes were a thousand times more haunted. You watched him walk into the palace, his eyes almost glued to you until he was out of sight. 

Life seemed to return to normal for all of an hour. Mai, Ty Lee, and Azula were lounging in the garden, ordering you back and forth for things they just kept laying by their side. 

“You wanna know what I heard about your dearest tribe?” Azula teased, her high pitched voice an unpleasent sound to your ears. You knew better than to respond head on and you knew better than to say no. She sounded too happy for it to be anything good. Still, you missed your home. You nodded your head slowly. Azula snickered to her friends just as Prince Zuko walked in, his eyes downcast. 

“That princess of yours died in our raid,” Azula sneered. Your heart started to pound against your rib cage, breathing going ragged. It couldn’t be true. Yue was blessed by the moon spirit. There was no way she would just...die. She was your friend, even if you had been nothing more than a fisherman’s daughter. You looked up toward Zuko, who had gone suddenly rigid, his face dangerously still. 

“And you’ll never guess who got her killed.” Azula stood up, walking toward you as you stood frozen. “Do you wanna know who got your precious princess killed?” 

“Azula.” Zuko’s words were a warning, but Azula just giggled by your ear. 

“Ask me who got her killed, y/n.” 

“Azula, that’s enough.” 

“Go on, ask me.” 

“Who got Princess Yue killed?” The sound of your own voice was foreign to you, never using it often, but you hoped there was some semblance of strength behind what you said. 

She traced a delicate finger across your shoulder before flicking it off toward her brother. Your eyes followed her movement, landing on Zuko. For a moment, you desperately wanted to believe it wasn’t true. The boy who had helped you clean up the messes Azula left behind would never kill your princess. The boy who had taken you to the Healers because his sister had burned you in her fury would never do something so horrible. 

“That’s not what happened-” 

“Ah, Zuzu, don’t be humble!” Azula’s laugh was trill as she plopped back into the grass beside her friends. But you didn’t care what she did anymore. Your gaze was fixed on Zuko, trying to figure out where you had gone wrong judging his character. “Don’t forget, you also killed the Avatar.” 

If you had thought your heart had been shattered before, this was the final blow. You had heard the rumors of the Avatar’s return. Knowing he was the only thing that stood between the Fire Nation and the safety of your home, you had relied on him, often dreaming that he would come to rescue you and your mother. With him dead, all hope of standing against the Fire Nation was dashed. 

You had often wished you were a bender, thinking that it may have spared you from living under the cruelty of the Fire Nation leaders. But there was never a time that you wished you were a bender so much as now, hoping nothing more than to be able to evaporate the shameful tears that fell from your eyes. 

“Aw, look,” Azula cooed as her friends watched on. “The little servant girl is crying for her dear princess and that Avatar. How sweet.” 

You didn’t care about the repercussions. You didn’t care what would happen to you. You needed to leave. You needed to get away from her, from them, from him. As far away as you possible could. 

Dropping the silver platter that was in your hands, you turned away and ran as fast as your trembling legs would take you. 

“y/n, wait!” 

“Don’t go after her, Zuko,” Mai’s dull and apathetic voice said. 

“y/n!” He didn’t appear to be listening. 

“I think you may have gone too far that time, Azula,” Ty Lee said, her voice quiet and timid. You didn’t hear much after that, turning to corner and making your way down the corridor. You could hear Prince Zuko’s pounding footsteps following after you, but you ignore him every time he called your name. 

Just as you turned a corner, you found yourself with a face full of red robes. Sucking in a gasp, you stepped back. You blinked away tears to find yourself standing before the Fire Lord himself and you froze in place, eyes wide. 

You had only met the Fire Lord once. It was a moment you would never forget and the most reoccurring nightmare you had. 

“Why are you crying?” He asked. You swallowed a lump in your throat and quickly wiped away your tears. 

“I wasn’t, sire,” you said, straightening your back. 

“Don’t lie to me.” He didn’t raise his voice, but you flinched anyway. 

“I, oh, I-” 

“Father!” Prince Zuko ran up beside you, struggling for breath as he bowed before the Fire Lord. “It was Azula, Father.” 

“My daughter made you cry?” The Fire Lord looked down at you with fury in his eyes. 

“No, Your Highness-”

“So, you’re calling my son a liar?”

“No, no! I just-” 

“Just what? Spit it out, girl!” 

“It’s been a long day, Father,” Prince Zuko interrupted, putting a hand on your shoulder. “I would like your permission to give y/n the day off. Azula has been working her like a dog and she needs a break.” 

The Fire Lord looked down at you, raising an eyebrow. You nodded slowly, confirming Prince Zuko’s story. You had barely slept since Azula had returned, running errands for her at every time of the night and the day. It was easier at night, sure, but when the sun rose, the exhaustion hit you all over again. 

“For you success at the Northern Water Tribe and in Ba Sing Se, I will grant you this,” the Fire Lord said. You suddenly remembered why you had been crying, why you had been trying so hard to get away from the Prince to begin with. 

“Thank you, Father.” 

Lost somewhere in your own grief, you almost forgot to bow to the Fire Lord before he walked away. As soon as he was out of sight, you made a break for it once again. This time, Prince Zuko was prepared and caught you by the wrist. 

“Azula always lies,” he said once you were facing him again. You tried to pull your wrist from his grip, but he was strong. 

“I know what breed your sister is,” you seethed, never before having spoken to a royal in the way you were now. “You and her are cut from the same cloth.” 

“No,” Prince Zuko said, his grip on your wrist tightening for just a moment before he relaxed it again. “No, we’re not. I didn’t kill your princess and I didn’t....” He lowered his voice and took a step closer to you, making you recoil. “I didn’t kill the Avatar.” 

“Then what happened?”

Prince Zuko looked around, as if trying to see if anyone was listening in. He then let your wrist go and beckoned for you to follow him. For a moment, you thought about running again, but as Prince Zuko started to walk away, your only chance at answers walked with him. 

Tiptoeing after him, you followed as he led you back toward his chambers. Sending one last glance around to check for guards, he guided you inside. 

“If this is some long ploy to get me into your bed....” You weren’t sure where your sudden boldness was coming from. Maybe it was the deep rooted anger finally bubbling forth. Maybe it was the fact that, despite everything, you somehow trusted the boy in front of you. 

Your bitter words earned you an amused smile from the Prince, which you hadn’t expected in the slightest. 

“No, y/n. I want to explain myself to you.” 

“Why?” 

“Because it would be nice to know that there was one person alive who didn’t hate me.” 

His words caught you off guard. The anger in your stomach dissipated and you dropped your hands to your sides. There was a smile on his face, but grief in his eyes. 

“Tell me what happened.” 

He brought you over to a table and sat in front of you. He started shakily, stumbling over his words, backtracking, trying to find the right place to really begin his story. But once he got there, the words flowed from his mouth and never stopped. Not until he told you about the battle at the Northern Water Tribe and Princess Yue’s fate, not until he told you about defecting with his Uncle and living in Ba Sing Se as Lee, not until he told you about the sickness his body went through after making one good choice, not until he told you about how he betrayed everyone who trusted him and let his sister kill the Avatar. 

You were crying again by the time he finished. Part of it was hearing all of the things that happened to your people, to the Water Tribe siblings who were helping the Avatar, but the other part was watching the boy in front of you cry too. He had been a boy when he left and you thought he had come back like his father. But you realized as you watched him now, face buried in his hands, that Prince Zuko was four times the man his father could ever be. 

“And none of that excuses what I’ve done,” he said, his voice haggard as he looked back up at you. “I know that.” 

“Have you...have you spoken to your uncle?” You asked, clearing your throat of the thick emotion that choked you. 

“A few times. He won’t even speak to me. He hates me.” 

“From what you told me about him, I doubt he could ever hate you.” 

His amber eyes met yours and for a brief moment, you felt your stomach twist. You should hate him. You should hate him for everything his nation had done to your people, for the way his sister treated you, for the way his father had separated you and your mother. But you didn’t. You couldn’t. 

“I don’t deserve your kindness,” he said. His voice went quiet. “After everything we have done to you-”

“I get to decide who is deserving of my kindness,” you told him firmly. “Your family has torn mine apart. They have brutalized my people, murdered my kin, and your sister has made the last years of my life a living hell.” 

Prince Zuko hung his head. You breathed out a calming breath and leaned forward, putting a gentle hand against his shoulder. 

“But you are not your sister.” You spoke just above a whisper. He looked back up at you suddenly. “And you are not your father. You are not the crimes of your people. I believe that you can still make things right.” 

“How?” He asked, voice breaking. “The Avatar is dead. What hope does the world have against the wrath of my father?” 

“I can’t tell you how to fix your own problems,” you said. “I can only tell you that if there’s a will, there’s a way.” 

You were shocked to see him almost smile. 

“You sound like my uncle.” 

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

He stood then, his chest puffed out, his chin held high, the scar on his face worn like a badge of honor. He looked triumphant. You stood as well, knowing it was rude to sit while someone else was standing. Prince Zuko took your hands in his and gave them a tight squeeze. You felt the urge to tug your hands away as your stomach tumbled again. 

“I made you a promise long ago that I would find your mother. I haven’t forgotten it.” 

“Your Highness, you don’t have to-”

“Please.” His hands tightened around yours again. “After all of your kindness despite the hatred in this place, it’s the least I could do. I will find your mother and then I will find a way to get you both out of here and back home.” 

Tears shimmered in your eyes and you struggled to keep them at bay. 

“I- Thank you, Your Highness.” 

“There’s no need for formalities. Just call me Zuko.” 

Zuko. Your lips twitched into a small smile, the familiar feeling of hope bursting into your chest. Your hope had seemed to die many times, but like a flame, it always smoldered. It was the only thing that kept you alive, the only thing that kept your spirit burning. 

“Zuko,” you said and he smiled, a toothy smile that any normal boy would give any normal girl in any normal situation. 

“y/n.” 

He leaned forward quickly and pressed his lips gently against your cheek. It was a brief kiss, more like the sealing of a promise than anything else, but it was enough to send bolts of lightning through your body and into your toes. When he pulled away, you knew your cheeks were flushed with heat, but you found that his were too. 

“I should....” You pulled your hands from his, trying not to wipe the sweat your palms accumulated on your skirt. “I should go find Azula.” 

“You have the day off, remember?” 

You shook your head. 

“I should get back to her.” You stepped around him and started for the door. 

“I’ll find your mother,” he called after you, as if you still needed convincing that he was serious. “Whatever it takes.”

“I trust you, Zuko,” you said, standing half way through the door. “I don’t know why, but I trust you.” 

~~~

So, I guess I’ll make a separate taglist for atla things just in case any obx people don’t want to be tagged in it. 

also, part 2 potentially? 

#atla #zuko #avatar the last airbender #zuko x yn #zuko imagine #avatar imagine #zuko x non bender #i don't know what else to tag this as #ive never written atla fics before #who knows #i hope yall are having a good day #my day was pretty good #my best friend got engaged so that super duper exciting #there was going to be a long winded explanation for the title but if I do a second part I guess I could explain it there #zuko x reader #forgot about that tag whoops

[waxingmoonwrites]

New Year’s Kiss (Blaise Zabini)

Pairing: Blaise Zabini x fem!Reader

Word Count: 3,945 (it was not supposed to be this long lol)

Warnings: None

A/N: So yes… this is my first ever one-shot here on Tumblr! I have a bunch written in old notebooks from when I first read the books and would write a bunch after reading each book, but… yeah! Yes, this one-shot does take place on New Year’s Eve, and I am aware that it is not New Year’s Eve yet, I just had this idea and couldn’t help but write it! Just a little warning, again this is my first ever one-shot I’m putting on Tumblr, so it’s not great, but trust me when I say its a thousand times better than the one-shots I wrote back in the day.

***

It was obvious. Painfully obvious.

Y/N Y/L/N and Blaise Zabini had been friends since they were kids. Y/N was a Muggle born, it being a mere coincidence that Blaise and his mother moved into the house across the street from the Y/L/N family.

When Y/N was informed that she was a witch, the first person she told was Blaise. Even though she was aware that she shouldn’t have been telling him, she was extremely surprised to hear him tell her that he had also been accepted to Hogwarts, that he was a wizard and was going to be going to Hogwars with her.

Blaise was friends with Draco Malfoy who, of course, didn’t exactly support Muggle borns being allowed into Hogwarts, or even being considered wizards in general. Which is exactly why neither Bliase nor Y/N ever said anything about her not being from pureblooded decent to Draco.

It’s not like Y/N cared what anyone thought about her. It was that she really cared about Draco’s friendship. Even though most people assumed that he was a rude friend, and that he would be insufferable to be around. That was entirely untrue. He could be very stuck-up at times, but that was just because that was how he was raised, he didn’t know anything else.

Blaise and Y/N were close before they went to Hogwarts, but once Y/N was Sorted into Slytherin along with him, they got closer still.

Over the years they knew each other, Blaise and Y/N realized that they didn’t like each other as just friends anymore. By the time fourth year came along, both of them were desperately wanting to ask the other to the Yule Ball. But both being terrified of ruining their friendship, neither said anything.

Now here they were, seventh year, Draco, Blaise, Y/N, Daphne, Pansy, and Theo all staying back at Hogwarts for the holidays to throw both a Christmas party and a New Years party as a celebration of their last year at school.

Daphne and Pansy knew about Y/N’s long standing crush on Blaise, and Draco and Theo knew about Blaise’s long standing crush on Y/N. Everyone knew that they liked each other, but, as Draco so politely put it, they were just both cowards.

“Just go for it,” Draco would tell Blaise. “You like her as more than a friend, and if what Daph and Pans have told me, she likes you back just as much as you like her. Maybe even more,”

“Impossible,” Blaise responded. “Y/N’s too good for me. She’s nice, caring, and accepting of everyone. I’m not like that,”

Theo just scoffed and rolled his eyes.

“What was that about?” Blaise asked, the anger rising in himself. He knew that he shouldn’t have been taking his anger out on his friends, but he was angry at himself and he didn’t know what to do with that.

“If she’s too good for you, the ornaments are too good for the Christmas trees,” Theo said, crossing his arms and returning to the book he had been reading. “Someone needs to screw your head on straigt, Blaise. You’re being an idiot,”

A very similar situation was going on in the girls’ dorms that night.

“Oh please,” Daphne said, throwing a pillow at Y/N. “Blaise is in love with you just as much as you are with him. Maybe even a bit more,”

Y/N let out a blissful sigh as she dodged said pillow. “I can hope, Daph. But Blaise doesn’t see me that way,”

Pansy threw another pillow at Y/N, except much harsher this time. It went so fast it hit Y/N straight in the face, her eyes wide as Pansy said, “You really are dumb,”

“Hey!” Y/N protested. “I’m not dumb, I’m just being realistic,”

Daphne gave her a sympathetic look as she said, “Normally I would agree with you, Y/N, but in this scenario, being realistic is being dumb,”

Y/N rolled her eyes and reached over to her nightstand, taking out her tub of nail polish, choosing a burgundy color that Blaise had complimented once. Daphne and Pansy didn’t miss this, exchanging knowing glances. Ever since Blaise had told her one day during Potions that he liked the color of her nails that day (the burgundy color), every time the paint chipped she restored it.

“I’m surprised you haven’t replaced your entire nail polish stock with that color, Y/N,” Pansy said with a cheeky smirk.

Looking up from where she’d been applying the base coat to her nails, Y/N asked, “What d’you mean, Pans? I like the color, that’s that,”

Daphne had to suppress a laugh as Pansy continued. “I think Blaise likes the color, Y/N, and you like Blaise.”

“You guys know I like Blaise,” she responded.

“JUST TELL HIM!” the other two girls yelled in unison.

Y/N rolled her eyes and returned to painting her nails. It was true though, what they were saying. Ever since Blaise complimented the color on her nails, Y/N couldn’t help but use it every single time she felt the need to repaint her nails.

To every single person in the entire school, no the entire world, it was obvious that Blaise Zabini and Y/N Y/L/N were in love.

***

“So… anyone you’re planning to kiss this New Years?” Daphne asked, slowly walking closer to Blaise, who was sitting on the comfiest couch in the Slytherin common room closest to the fire.

He was sitting in pure silence, staring at the fire. The only thing that had been on his mind lately was Y/N. Y/N… Y/N… Y/N…. There was almost nothing that could break him from his thoughts.

When her question was followed with silence, Daphne sat directly next to Blaise and smacked the back of his head, causing him to let out a groan of protest, and give Daphne a look of pure anger.

“What the hell, Daph?” he yelled. “Why’d you hit me?”

“Because I asked you a question and you just continued to stare at the fire and silently pine after Y/N,” Daphne said matter-of-factly, like it was the most obvious answer ever.

Blaise’s cheeks immediately flushed pink as he said, very shakily might I add, “I-I… what… what’re you talking about?”

“I asked if there was anyone in particular you were planning on kissing this New Years,” Daphne repeated, an apathetic expression covering her face. “But I should’ve known not to say anything to you, considering both you and Y/N have been going crazy over each other for years and for some reason your pining has been dialed to ten thousand, I’m assuming since New Years is two days away and you both want a midnight kiss but don’t want to say anything,”

When she finally took a break to breathe, Blaise had a very shocked look on his face. He figured Y/N didn’t like him, but everything Daphne had said about him he agreed with. Blaise definitely wanted a New Years kiss from Y/N, but, as he’s said to everyone, she’s too good for him.

Daphne rolled her eyes. “Blaise, don’t just look at me and not say anything, I’d have thought you’ve been doing enough of that to Y/N,”

“Is it that obvious?” he asked, anxiety laced through his words. He had realized that he was looking at Y/N much more than a best friend normally would. But he was okay with it, which made him feel guilty.

Daphne let out a laugh and said, “To everyone in the entire world, yes. To Y/N, no.”

Blaise facepalmed and covered his face in his hands to hide his cheeks that were now glowing bright pink. “I really don’t mean to stare at her as much as I do, I just…”

“You love her,”

“Y-yeah,” Blaise replied, looking up at Daphne. “Daph, I can’t stop thinking about her. She’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, and she has the most amazing personality, and everything about her seems as perfect as a person can be. But I’m… so far from perfect,” he said with doubt in his voice. “I don’t deserve her,”

Daphne rolled her eyes for the millionth time and said, “Dear Lord Blaise Zabini!” she yelled. “Blaise, Y/N loves you too! Take it from one third of our nightly girl talks with Pansy, she’s is absolutely infatuated with you. Remember that burgundy color that she painted her nails that one time that you complimented?”

Of course Blaise remembered. Everytime he saw that color on her nails (which was quite often, he noticed, though it was probably just because she really liked the color) he felt butterflies take flight in his stomach.

“Yeah?” he replied hesitantly.

“She paints her nails that exact color every time because you complimented it! Because she wants you to say something about it again!”

Blaise wanted to believe it. Y/N making an effort to get him to compliment her? Man, he would compliment her every second of every day if he could. But he didn’t want to look like he wanted her. Which he did, of course. But they were best friends. Just friends. Best friends.

“That’s… not true,” Blaise said. “She’d never like someone like me,”

Daphne let out a hoarse laugh as she said, “You’re right, Blaise, she doesn’t like you,” but before he could overreact, she continued. “She loves you.”

Blaise sat in disbelief, staring at one of his closest friends. Once again, the only thing occupying his mind was Y/N Y/L/N.

Little did either of them know, Y/N was standing at the top of the stairs, listening in on the conversation. Due to the late hour, Blaise and Daphne were two of the six people left in the common room at that hour, and since Y/N was listening intently, she heard every single word they said.

Blaise loved her back? He felt the same way she felt about him?

A large smile came over Y/N’s face as she thought about it. Blaise loved her back, Blaise Zabini loved her back.

Knowing the boy that she had pined over for years felt the same way about her that she felt about him was a feeling that caused butterflies to take flight in her stomach. She immediately rushed away back to her dorm, laying down on her bed even though she knew there was no way she would be able to fall asleep after learning a piece of information as big as this.

A few minutes after she laid her head down on her bed, she heard Daphne come in from the common room, flopping down on her bed.

Y/N didn’t miss the exasperated, “If those two don’t get together by New Years I’m locking them in a closet,” that escaped Daphne’s lips before she fell asleep.

***

New Years Eve was a very exciting day for the Slytherins. Draco, Blaise, and Theo had been planning a New Years Eve party for weeks, and everyone in the House knew about it. Even the other Houses (that, to the Slytherins knowledge, hadn’t planned a super epic party), were buzzing with excitement as the new year approached.

Y/N and Blaise were on the edges of their seats, on the other hand.

Blaise had finally been convinced to just take a chance and tell Y/N how he felt at the party, and Y/N had learned that Blaise loved her back, so she was determined to get their kiss on New Years Eve.

Everyone had noticed that Y/N had changed a bit. Before, she was a bit nervous when six of them were together, seeing as Blaise was there. Whenever Blaise wasn’t present, she was a bit more outgoing. 

But now, Y/N seemed to be acting outgoing and excited no matter what they were doing, and who was there. She even went as far as to throw an arm over Blaise’s shoulder during lunch one day, and rest her head on his shoulder.

Eventually Y/N admitted to Pansy and Daphne that she had overheard Blaise and Daph’s conversation in the common room that night, and was determined to kiss him at midnight. Needless to say both were so proud of her that they threw a mini party for the three of them in their dorm that night.

Blaise had spent the entire time since his conversation with Daphne thinking over how he was going to confess his love to Y/N. It was, of course, going to be difficult. Even though for the longest time he had stopped thinking of her as just his best friend, but as the woman he wanted to love, he still felt like confessing his love to his best friend was going to be the hardest thing he’d ever done.

It was in that moment that Blaise wished he had listened every time his mother spoke to him about girls.

There were so many possibilities of things that could happen. Ever since the day he had admitted to Theo and Draco that he liked Y/N (he didn’t tell them at first that he was absolutely in love with her, though they could tell), they had been assuring him that she liked him back, that the feelings were mutual. And even though her recent behavior was causing Blaise to maybe kinda sorta believe them, he didn’t want to get his hopes up.

Besides, what was he even supposed to say? “Hey Y/N… I know we’re best friends and everything, but I’ve liked you since about third year and been in love with you since fourth year, and everyone tells me that you feel the same way but I’m not sure,”? That may work, but Blaise was sure that if he actually spoke those words aloud in front of Y/N he would be stuttering uncontrollably and there was no way Y/N would be able to understand what he was saying.

But the New Years party was that night, meaning he didn’t have much more tme to figure it out.

Fortunately (yet unbeknownst to him), Y/N was planning something as well. Actually, she wasn’t necessarily planning something. More thinking of how she was going to wing it.

“So… you’re just gonna walk up to him and say you love him?” Daphne asked in disbelief as her, Pansy, and Y/N prepared for the party. “That doesn’t sound very romantic.”

Y/N just shrugged. “You don’t have to like it, Daph. Besides, I know that if I like… script something out, it’s just going to turn out worse than if I stutter over my words because I didn’t think it over,”

“That sounds about right,” Pansy said with a shrug. “Y/N does tend to overthink things when she plans them out, so maybe we should just let her and Blaise live out their fairy tale,”

Y/N scrunched up her nose. “We’re not living out any fairy tale, the exact opposite. Fairy tale characters would dramatically realize two seconds to midnight that they love each other, and would run towards the other and even more dramatically kiss at exactly midnight. That’s way too specific, real life is a lot more messy,”

Pansy nodded in agreement as she continued to paint on her eyeliner, while Daphne just rolled her eyes.

“Why can’t you just agree to disagree and we can both live in our blissful happiness?” Daphne whined, then tapped her chin in thought. “Actually, my bad. Y/N, you and Blaise will live in blissful happiness after they get together at midnight tonight. Exactly midnight,” she added the end just to annoy Y/N.

***

“You look nice, Y/N/N,” Blaise said, staring up in awe as he watched Pansy, Daphne, and Y/N walking down the stairs coming from the girls dorm. But Blaise didn’t even see the other two girls. His eyes were trained on Y/N.

She was wearing a flowing jade green dress that sparkled in the low light. The neckline plunged ever so slightly to show off the perfect amount of cleavage. Her silver heels complimented the silver necklace on her neck that… that Blaise had gotten her for her most recent birthday.

Her hair was styled perfectly, cascading down her back and on her shoulders in perfect waves, bouncing ever so slightly as she approached Blaise with a smile on her face.

“Thanks, Blaise,” Y/N replied, her cheeks turning pink slightly. She turned her attention to the slightly crooked bowtie that Draco had convinced him to wear. It was a green tie, coincidentally, the same green that was on Y/N’s dress.

(This was not a coincidence at all. Daphne, Pansy, Theo, and Draco had come together the night before, and the girls informed the boys the exact color that Y/N was going to wear to the party, and they had gotten Blaise’s bowtie accordingly)

She adjusted the tie, her eyes stuck there, not catching the way Blaise’s eyes raked over her, feeling his cheeks heat at how close in proximity they were. He still couldn’t believe just how beautiful she was, how amazing she was. The woman that he had loved for years and years, and in that moment, he knew what he was going to do.

The party so far had been awesome. Everyone was excited, the younger years joining in towards the end when the older years were drunk off Firewhiskey and didn’t care that they were there. Thankfully, most of them were responsible enough to stick to the Butterbeer instead of taking advantage of the fact that the older years weren’t going to stop them drinking Firewhiskey.

Unfortunately, even though most younger years were responsible enough, there were a few that either didn’t care, or just were dumb enough to take a swig.

Y/N caught two third years trying to down an entire bottle before watching the first one splutter it out into the bowl of punch that had been laid out with the other continued to drink it. She quickly ran over and snatched it from him, immediately scolding him.

“If you even dare look at the Firewhiskey again I’ll be sure to report you to Snape, and trust me, he will not hear a word about anyone else drinking,” she said sternly.

Right as she was about continue her scolding, she noticed the way the boy’s face had turned slightly green, and saw the uneasy look on his face. Y/N quickly reached for the chip bowl that was (thankfully) empty, and shoved it in his arms, turning away to find Daphne or Pansy or anyone that she knew to get away from the retching boy.

There were too many people in the Slytherin common room, causing Y/N to not be able to find any of her friends. Feeling the disappointment bubble in her chest, she decided to just go back up to her dorm.

“So much for that New Years kiss,” she muttered under her breath.

Blaise noticed her walking up the stairs at that very moment, and realizing that the new year was just a few minutes away, immediately stood up off the couch that he had been sitting on and began rushing towards the girls’ dorms.

Rushing up the stairs, he heard the sound of everyone beginning the countdown.

Ten…

Y/N flopped down on her bed, pulling her earrings off and throwing them in the jewelry box that she had stashed under her bed, letting out a sigh.

Nine…

Blaise’s feet couldn’t have been moving faster in that moment, but he had to stop after realizing he had no idea where Y/N’s dorm was, considering he had never been up here.

Eight…

At this point Y/N had heard the countdown going on downstairs, and thoughts of Blaise chugging a Firewhiskey and counting down with everyone else filled her mind, her fists clenching at her sides as she began pulling off her heels that had become increasingly uncomfortable.

Seven…

Six…

Five…

Blaise had singled it out to two dorms, and peeked his head in one, realizing that it was empty. He peeked through the second one and saw Y/N combing through her hair with her fingers, a melancholy look on her face.

Four…

“Y/N!”

“Blaise?”

Three…

Blaise crossed the room quickly, stopping in front of Y/N after realizing what was happening, what he was about to do.

Two…

“Blaise, what’s going on? Are you okay?”

One…

Throwing all other thoughts out the window, Blaise grabbed Y/N by the hands, pulled her up, and crashed their lips together right as everyone downstairs in the common room yelled “HAPPY NEW YEAR!”

Y/N wrapped her arms around Blaise’s neck before pulling away, resting their foreheads together.

“Happy New Year, Blaise,” Y/N whispered, a smile plastering both of their lips.

“Happy New Year,” Blaise responded.

They stayed like that for a few minutes, both of them holding the other close, not wanting to let go.

Pretty soon, the four downstairs realized that Y/N and Blaise had disappeared.

“Let’s hope something actually happened,” Pansy grumbled as her and Daphne went to go search their dorm while Theo and Draco went to search theirs. “Because if they didn’t, I swear I’m going to just lock them in a closet,”

“I said that the other day!” Daphne exclaimed with a smile.

“Oh no way!”

They quieted down as they approached their dorm, hearing hushed whispers emerging from the room. They could decipher Blaise and Y/N’s voices, but couldn’t hear what they were saying.

When Pansy had finally had enough, she walked right up to the door and pushed it open a crack, pressing her ear against the crack to listen.

But the voices had ceased. Pansy was left listening to nothing but pure silence for a few seconds, before she got impatient and pushed the door open.

She was shocked by what she saw, to put it lightly.

There was Y/N and Blaise, clutching each other as though they’d never see the other again, their lips pressed together eagerly. They’d been so caught up in the moment that they hadn’t even heard the door open.

“DAPH IT HAPPENED!” Pansy yelled in excitement, causing Y/N and Blaise to pull away from each other.

Daphne rushed in, a large smile on her face noticing how close Blaise and Y/N were. “Finally, you two! Pansy and I thought we’d have to lock you in a closet until you opened your mouths,”

Both Blaise and Y/N’s cheeks were covered in a light pink dusting, but there was a hint of a proud smile on Blaise’s face. Truthfully he had gone in there wanting to kiss her like he did, which he had, but he doubted his courage to actually do it. The fact that he had worked up enough courage to kiss her made him want to do it again.

Pretty soon they were being taken back downstairs, the smug smiles on Pansy and Daphne’s faces telling Draco and Theo everything they needed to know.

“So I take it everything went well then?” Theo asked, a brow quirked in interest.

“Yup,” Daphne replied. “Happy New Year everyone!”

Y/N and Blaise exchanged looks, moving a tad bit closer together. Blaise leaned down near Y/N’s ear and whispered, “Happy New Year, Y/N/N,”

***

A/N: Okay, I know this sucked, and I’m sorry. The next one will be better (I hope) and I’m sorry it’s so long! I just got excited and I love Blaise and… yeah, I don’t know. Thanks for reading if you did!

#blaise zabini #blaise #slytherin gang #daphne greengrass #pansy parkinson #draco malfoy #theodore nott #reader insert #y/n #this sucked im so sorry #harry potter #harry potter fanfiction

[thepinkcar]

The TC Gift Exchange

words: 2K

note: I started this a year ago as a joke but then after some thought the idea grew on me. Enjoy my weird brain.

Timothée found himself in an abandoned storage lot, sitting inside his aunt’s Toyota Camry while he tried to push down the impulse to scream. The location had been the address on a note he had received prior. The handwriting was unsettlingly familiar and read:

Honorable Timothée,

It wold be an honor to have your company at the location inscribed on December 31st close to midnight. Please bring a gift to exchange during the celebration. We hope to see you there.

In retrospect, showing up at all had been a grave mistake. He probably wouldn’t have if he hadn’t desperately craved space from the New Years rager. The holiday season had been a well-desired break from the prying eyes of the public. Unfortunately it also meant an unwavering devotion to every friend and family gathering that could be stuffed into his schedule.

So here he was, risking a shoot out (or more likely, stabbing) on New Years Eve. Just as he had resolved to turn around and leave, there was a knock on his car window. A young man with long curly dark hair waved at him to get out and Timothée sighed, quickly complying. The man’s hair obscured his face, but Timothée felt a chill run down his spine once he spoke.

“You’re Timothée, right?” Timmy nodded slowly. “Is that French, ‘cause that’d be hella tight.”

Timothée froze, finally taking in the thick American accent. “Did you just say ‘hella tight’?” he whispered. The man ignored the question, instead turning towards him and offering a hand. Timothée shook it hesitantly as he tried to find the the gall to look up. 

“‘Name’s Kyle. Nice to meet you, Tim-o-tay.” Timmy looked up so fast he was almost surprised not to feel any whiplash. When he saw his own face he screamed. 

“What the fuck! What the fuck is happening? Is this some sick joke?” Timothée screeched. Kyle sighed apathetically, pulling a hand-rolled cigarette from his pocket and lighting it. Timothée continued to stare at him bug-eyed, half expecting him to glitch or evaporate from his vision when he woke up from this nightmare. 

“Dude, chill. It’s not that weird,” Kyle mumbled, taking another hit. Timothée remained frozen and Kyle sighed again. “It’s too fucking cold for this shit. C’mon, we’re going inside and you better have your gift on you.”

Kyle took a step towards Timmy and Timmy flinched. Aggravated, Kyle grabbed Timmy’s forearm and pulled him inside one of the storage buildings.

The inside of the building was surprisingly cozy with the halls decorated vibrantly for Christmas. Soon they arrived in a room occupied by a Christmas tree, cookies, and an ominous circle of chairs. 

“I have him, so we can get this over with and leave!”

“Apathy has and never will be a good look on you, Kyle,” a new voice said. Timothée turned to meet Elio (or him playing Elio) dressed in his winter time outfit. He tried to set aside the creepiness of Elio’s distressed half-smile that he remembered doing during his takes for the end credits. Elio pulled him into an embrace and Timothée suppressed the urge to wriggle. 

“It’s a joy to meet you,” he said warmly before pulling back. “You’re more handsome than I anticipated.”

“How do you manage to be so narcissistic and so self-deprecating in the same sentence?” Kyle growled. Elio rolled his eyes before taking off his headphones and handing Kyle his walkman. Kyle bitterly put it on before continuing to listen to whatever was playing. 

“What’s going on?” Timmy finally mustered, his throat burning from the screaming. 

“We’re calling it the TC Gift Exchange,” Elio stated simply. “Every year, all of the characters you play come together at an undisclosed location and give each other gifts before departing back into our separate universes.”

Timothée stared at Elio in bewilderment before bursting into laughter. Elio watched him in confusion. 

“Is everything alright?”

“Of course! It’s just that my dopplegangers have teamed up to make me feel insane. Excellent work, but I think this can stop now.”

“It’s true,” two voices say. Tim and Elio turn to face a Billy from Miss Stevens and Zac from One and Two. They both have a cookie in hand with same amount of bites taken. Tim gulps.

“Each year, the universe of the most successful part that year is where we host,” Billy explains. “Last year we partied in Crema…”

“The year before that we had to do it in the ass crack of no where,” Zac mutters. 

“Hey! That spot was next to the road that I sang with Miss Stevens in the car on the way to that theatre conference. And you’re being out of character!”

“Well I’m sorry if I’ve been cranky considering my house was burned to bits!” Zac sneers.

“Boys! You’re literally the same persona set in two different storylines. Find your zen,” Elio says, immediately cringing. “I’m starting to sound like Kyle.”

Timothée shakes his head and moves to take a seat in the circle. The others soon follow suit taking their respective seats that are conveniently in chronological order. Timothée takes the opportunity to take in the others (he’s still deciding whether or not to refer to them as individuals) profiles. Elio sat two spaces to the right of him next Kyle and another doppelgänger that Timothée could only assume to be Daniel from Hot Summer Nights based solely off the fact that he wouldn’t stop rocking back and forth.

Billy and Zac buddy up next to one another beside Daniel, followed by an awkward looking Charlie Cooper and roughed up Jace. Timothée cringed at the familiar backwards cap sitting on Jace’s head next to him. He turned to Elio who had busked himself switching the tape out of his Walkman for Kyle. “This isn’t everyone is it?”

Elio raised a brow but didn’t break his focus. “What do you mean? Timothée bit his lip. He didn’t want to come off arrogant, ironically.

“There’s do roles missing from the circle.”

“Not everyone comes every year. Some are on probation,” Kyle said matter-of-factly. Timothée rolled his eyes. He forgot how much of a douche Kyle was meant to be.

“Some aren’t old enough to come, so we mail them their gifts,” Elio finished.

“But how do you send mail to a completely different universe?”

“You’re asking too many questions. Why is he asking so many questions?” Daniel grumbled, crazed eyes now trained on Timothée. Timothée felt his hands clam up more than they already had. 

“Danny, be civil,” Elio warned, giving him a cautious pat on the back. Kyle rolled his eyes.

“We mail them the same way we’re all able to gather with you tonight. Dumbass.” Timmy nodded slowly, surveying the room of doppelgängers. The more he looked at them the less anxious he became about seeing them, which only made him more anxious about how quickly he was acclimating to his Stockholm of a situation.

“What about the ones on—“

“Probation? We try to keep the celebration to main characters only, since we’re not exactly rolling in it, y’know?” Billy quipped, jumping in before Elio had a chance. “Then some people…”

“Nic can’t come because technically he’s a fictionalized real person,” Elio cut in once again, shooting Billy a cool look.

“And he’s a drug addict,” Kyle muttered.

“Recovering addict.”

“What’s the difference? There’s only one guy missing but I don’t really care if he’s here or not. I’m not a big fan of monarchy or oligarchy or government institutions—“

“—or the government?” Timothée cut in knowingly. Kyle smiled.

“See he gets it.”

A crash of metal silences the room’s chatter. After a moment of silence another doppelgänger, this time with a stylish bowl cut appears. Timothée shivers at the memory of his lost locs. Kyle scowls while Elio beams. The others arrange their reactions neatly between the two margins.

“Hello everyone. I hope you can pardon my lateness. I struggled to drag this sorry lot to the TC Exchange,” Hal declared, ceremoniously dragging in Gatsby Welles from the he-who-shall-not-be-named movie about rain. It was Elio’s turn to grimace while Kyle smirked.

“No foul, your highness. Be seated here. As for him…”

“We can’t keep blacklisting him, Elio.”

“His film didn’t even hit theaters! Mine has an Oscar, Kyle. An Oscar!” 

“You mean the award you campaign for?”

“I don’t mind.” The room turned to Timothée who had chosen to slump comfortably in his seat. He decided to sit up for the sake of his point. “I chose to play him. He still means a lot to me.”

“He’s just Kyle wearing a blazer!”

“He’s more complex than that, Elio.”

“No one if knows what he’s supposed to be like because it’s impossible to watch the movie!” Elio whined. Timothée moved to respond when a familiar click is heard from across the room. They froze to face Jace holding his signature hand gun.

“You better shut your ass, Elliot! Just because you like dick doesn’t mean you get to make all the rules. The man of the hour said he wants Gatsby to stay, so Gatsby’s staying!”

“While I try not to condone violence, unless my advisors misadvise me, I have to agree with as the kids might say Soulja Boy over there,” Hal added causing Elio to crumple further into his seat.  Timothée frowned.

“I understand why you’re upset, Elio. He somehow managed to write a poetry collection during this whole exchange. But I still wanna keep him if we’re gonna be here.”

“I’m gonna name this last one after you, Elio,” Gatsby said softly. Elio gives a small smile.

“Okay.”

“Thank god,” Kyle sighed, “Can we get our gifts now? I don’t want to ring in the new decade with you lot.”

❄️❄️❄️

After an hour of mingling with his counterparts, the goodbyes tugged a bit on Timothée’s heart strings. He learned so much about everyone as far as the group dynamic went. He learned Kyle and Elio were actually quite close considering how much they seemed to rag on each other.

“You should have seen him the first year. An antisocial mess,” Elio reminisced fondly.

“That’s before a realized you have taste. I wouldn’t have shown up again if you hadn’t,” Kyle admitted begrudgingly.

Timothée also learned that while most of his characters felt similar, after two minutes of conversation the differences became glaring. Except for Billy and Zac. They were essentially the same person.

“I hope one day I’ll get a box of serotonin for Christmas,” Billy joked. Zac gasped.

“I asked for a bottle of Serotonin for my birthday!”

As Timothée walked back to his Aunt’s Camry with Hal, he couldn’t fight off the smile that kept creeping onto his face. Hal side-eyed him in solent satisfaction.

“Will we be seeing you again next year? I’m sure Elio wouldn’t mind providing free transit to space.”

“I’ll have to think about it,” Timothée chuckled. “This was…nice. Like really nice. It makes me kinda glad to be an actor. In an unnerving way.”

“I couldn’t have asked for better casting. Next year should be nice since Laurie will be able to come. I think him and Elio will get on nicely, then maybe…”

“Then maybe he’ll stop flirting with you? Still not sure how I feel about that,” Timothée mumbled with a shudder. The man really needs his Oliver.

“Don’t worry yourself about it. I only have one thing to request of you good sir.” Timothée raised a brow, trying not to fidget under Hal’s intense gaze. “Please, consider doing a comedic role in the future. We could use someone to shake things up around here.” The two of them smiled before bursting into fits of laughter.

“You’ve got it King!”

“No, you’re the king today. Drive safe and we’ll see you next time.” Hal walked back into the abandoned hall while Timothée sat down in his car and prepared to drive back. Maybe in the morning he’d wake up from a highly elaborate dream, but for now he could hang on to the feeling of gratitude and appreciation.

#merry christmas #christmas #xmas #xmas2019 #holidays #new year #new years eve #gift exchange #Timothee Chalamet #timothée chamalet #timothee chalamet fanfiction #timothee imagine #timothee chalamet imagine #imagine #fanfic #fanfiction #call me by your name #cmbyn #elio perlman #lady bird #little women #the King #A Rainy Day In New York #hot summer nights #dune

[nosleepstillweak]

cruller

My favorite type of donut is a cruller. Pity the man that begins his own love story with a monologue about his favorite pastry, but I feel like there’s something to be said here. It’s not like your traditional cake or long john or eclair. A cruller is in an avenue all its own. For one, it just looks cooler. Who doesn’t like a twisty donut? The dough is shaped into this endless spiral that flakes beautifully in the oven. Furthermore, the consequent increase in surface area also leads to the creation of these little pockets that are the perfect space for the outer glaze to nestle into. Top the whole affair off with a flawlessly reduced jelly filling and it’s like eating ambrosia. This opinion definitely isn’t mitigated by the fact that a literal goddess is the one to serve me these treats every morning, yet I still face opposition.

“You’re just a fucking weirdo, Jason.”

These are the words of my donut-apathetic comrade, Malachi. He’s a bit of an old-head, if you were to ask me, but sometimes the bluntness of his responses are in my best interest. As of late, he has been the staunchest--and sole--opponent of my onset infatuation with the owner of our newly discovered cafe destination.

“These twists taste like garbage. Admit it, you just have a thing for Donut Girl.” A key indicator of his disdain is the fact he continues to call her “Donut Girl,” even though her name-tag would lead me to believe that she actually goes by Sadie. Then again, given my previous history with “Pizza Chick” and “Gas Station Lady,” it’s fair to say that I haven’t necessarily made the best name for myself when choosing my romantic interests in the wholesale industry.

“Unsubstantiated opinions on Sadie aside, you can’t tell me that this isn’t a damn good donut.” I mean, he could, but he’d just be a liar. I take another bite in between sentences. “Plus, I don’t think you saw the way she looked at me this time. That was definitely some sort of signal.”

I can’t say that I’m not offended by Malachi’s responding scoff. “Yeah, a signal to round up all the idiots. I can’t believe you’re twenty-three years old and you still crush after women like you’re in a teen drama.” He scowls at me as I finish off the last of the half-dozen with a smile on my face. “Those donuts literally taste like sugar-coated metal.”

“Oh, heaven forbid they contain the slightest hint of high fructose corn syrup.” In traditional old-head fashion, Malachi is the type to complain about foods nowadays being too sugary; he gets a headache from eating a rope of black licorice. “Gather ‘round, folks, Old Man Malachi is mounting the soapbox again to preach about the dangers of processed foods--”

“Oh, fuck you, I’m leaving.” He, rather dramatically, snatches the coat off the back of his chair and storms out of the bakery. I can’t wipe the grin off my face when I remember that we literally work at the same office and will see each other again within the next ten minutes. What I find to be less amusing is the fact that he left me the entire bill, including his cinnamon-free cinnamon twists and extra-large black coffee. In lieu of my irritation, I take the situation as just a form of preparation: true love isn’t cheap.

“Here’s your bill.” A slip of paper slides across the table and then I’m blindsided by the sight of an immaculate Sadie smile. Now that’s priceless. I can’t describe it in words, but it’s just so… damn. By the time I’ve regained my senses, she’s gone off to help the next customer. I glance over the receipt, fishing through my wallet to produce the proper total and a hefty tip. My eyes widen when I catch something hastily scrawled at the bottom of the slip: a phone number. Next to a poorly-drawn smiley face, but that’s beside the point; the Sadie of Sadie’s Bakery just gave me her phone number. As I get up to leave, I even catch a glimpse of her smiling softly in my direction. I more than happily return the gesture. Malachi will come around eventually, but this train is definitely already in motion.

***

I have to hand it to Malachi because the first few weeks of my relationship with Sadie did actually feel like a teen drama. Our initial correspondence was nothing to write home about. I’d pick up a cruller every morning at the bakery and we’d chat for as long as it took for Malachi to spitefully gulp down his coffee and claim that we were running late for work. In between breaks at the office, I curated a myriad of internet bakery memes. Then, at night, I would bombard our text conversations with dancing donuts and cake icing videos and pretend to not absolutely lose my mind whenever she responded with a laughing face emoji. This continued for a while until I had to stage a self-intervention from giving myself diabetes. Sadie was surprisingly understanding and even offered to make me a sugar-free batch; had Malachi not physically taken my phone and responded with “no and goodbye,” I would have accepted.

In spite of his continued opposition, the train kept on moving. Sadie was actually the one who asked me out; I know, the misogynists are quaking in their boots. After she made the first move at the bakery, I wasn’t super surprised that she proposed the idea of dating one morning when I stopped by to pick up an office order. That being said, her delivery did not keep me from turning completely red and whooping at the top of my lungs in the otherwise moderately quiet cafe. I honestly still don’t know why Sadie got so embarrassed; she literally owns the place. All that being said, Sadie and I were officially a couple. Now, I just have to let Malachi in on it so he can be a supportive best friend and help guide me through my new--

“Jason, I love you, man, but this seems like a terrible idea.” Okay, ouch. This hadn’t been the first time he’d ever said these exact words to me, but for some reason, they hurt more this time around. “This is so sudden! I seriously worry that you’re getting ahead of yourself. What do you even know about this Sadie girl anyways?”

“Uh, well, for one, she runs the best bakery in town.”

“Debatable. Dinah’s Breakfast Cafe has killer pastries.”

“Unlike Dinah, Sadie’s smart and funny.”

“And you learned this from your 2 A.M. meme conversations?”

“Okay, either way, look me in the eyes and tell me she’s not beautiful.”

“Do you really want me to call your girlfriend hot?”

I throw a straw wrapper in his face and pout, genuinely upset. “That’s not the point and you know it.”

“Look, dude, I can understand that your initial feelings may be strong, but I just don’t wanna see you get hurt again. Physically or emotionally.” Malachi fixes me with a serious look and I suddenly feel like sinking back into my chair. “Especially after Gas Station Lady, I was hoping you’d make a little bit of a better assessment of things. I mean, like, do you even know how old she is? Friends? Family? Does she have any past relationships? Who’s to say that she isn’t hanging out with one of her ex-boyfriends right now?”

That last comment was a low blow and more than a little melodramatic, but I suddenly feel like I don’t know enough about Sadie to defend her. Now that I think about it, maybe everything is moving too fast.

“Just… be careful, man. Maybe reconsider. Again, the last thing I’d want is for you to get hurt.” Malachi shoots me one last sympathetic smile before walking out of the breakroom. Maybe there’s some truth to Old Man Malachi’s words. I stare at the cruller in my hand for a moment. When I finally move to take a bite, something inside leaves a sour taste in my mouth. The jelly filling doesn’t taste quite the same as before.

***

After that awful conversation, I decide it's best to have a heart-to-heart with Sadie. Our text conversations dry up for a couple of nights and I try to avoid the bakery as much as possible to give myself more time to think. However, as it turns out, the inevitable conversation didn’t end up being as painful as I thought it would be. Sadie actually laughs when I tell her that I don’t know anything about her; she says the same could be said about me. We spend the rest of the evening making donuts together and giving each other a basic autobiographical rundown.

Sadie Marissa Jenkins II is a first-generation British--it was at this point in our month-long relationship that I finally noticed the accent--immigrant who’d moved here in order to pursue her studies in culinary arts at the local university. She lives with her older sister, and her dog named Muffin, and she prefers riding her bike to taking the metro. She spoke of no past relationships and is in fact not currently cheating on me with another man. I was quite happy, and a little smug, when reporting my findings to Malachi.

“If you think she’s the one, then knock yourself out.” He’s speaking very nonchalantly for a man who’s wrestling with a stapler. “She actually gave me a free coffee this morning, so maybe she’s worth keeping around.”

“So free coffee is all it takes to get Old Man Malachi’s blessing?”

“Hardy-har-har.” He flicks a loose staple at my forehead. “This better work out, because I’m not picking your ass up again when you get dumped out of a pizza delivery car in the middle of town.”

“At least she didn’t run out of gas.” I jokingly shoot finger guns in his direction, snorting when he feigns a shot to the chest as he exits the breakroom. There are still a couple of crullers left over in the Sadie’s Bakery box on the counter so I help myself to one--and immediately gag. Okay, they actually do kinda taste like metal. They’re probably just stale from sitting out all afternoon. Yeah, that’s probably it.

***

I decide to lay off the crullers for a while and instead take the time to learn more about Sadie. What I learn instead is that both of us have pretty uninteresting lives, but I think it’s the thought that counts. Plus, her accent is precious and I can barely pay attention when we have midnight baking lessons at the bakery. These lessons are always followed by her getting into my car, me offering to drive her home, and us making out in the backseat instead. This goes on for several nights and I have never once complained about it. That is, until tonight, when she decides to take a chomp out of the side of my neck.

“What the--!” I instinctively push away from her and inspect the injury with my hand. My fingers come away smeared red.

“Oh my goodness! I’m so sorry!” Her hands hover over me as I frantically press the sleeve of my jacket to my neck to stop the bleeding. “I got carried away. Did I hurt you?” I mean, judging by the fact that I’m literally bleeding, I think it would be fair to assume that she did, in fact, hurt me. Nonetheless, I manage a smile.

“It’s fine, Sades.” Probably. The bleeding has stopped, anyways. “Honestly. I mean, it’s not like you said some other guy’s name, or something weird like that.”

“What? What other guy? When was there ever another guy?” Sadie jolts away from me like I’m made of fire. “What do you know about another guy?”

“Uh, nothing! It was just a joke.” A bad joke. “An American joke.”

“Oh. I see.” She nervously picks at the leather of the car seat, her teeth gnawing at her lower lip.

“Really, the biting thing was fine.” Probably. I lean forward and place a small kiss on her ear. “In fact, dare I say that it was kinda hot.” I don’t know what response I was expecting, but I was not physically prepared for the look that she gave me when I pulled away. Then, we were back at it again. From that point in the night on, it was just so… damn. Maybe I was just hallucinating before; I think the crullers taste just fine.

***

“You look tired.” Malachi inquires with a wink as he takes another sip of his morning coffee. To be quite honest, I probably feel worse than I look; after the whole biting incident and my subsequent flirtatious response, Sadie kinda took things into her own hands. I think it’s fair to say that what happened in that car stays in that car. Probably.

“I was just busy last night.”

“Busy?” Malachi snorts into his cup. “With Sadie?”

“Oh, shut up,” I tiredly flip him the bird, “don’t say it like that. We’re literally adults. It’s not like teenagers kissing behind the bleachers, or something.”

“Oh, yeah, sorry, I forgot when you got so mature. Just eat your damn cruller.” He shoves the half-dozen towards me and I nibble at one for a bit before taking a bite… which still tastes awful. Did she change the recipe for the filling? I need to talk to her about that. “Then again, maybe you’re right. I don’t remember them wearing scarves in August in teen dramas.”

I literally choke on the bite of cruller in my mouth. Okay, so maybe the biting incident wasn’t fine. You live and you learn.

***

“Uh, hey there, Sades.” I make my way into the sparsely lit kitchen of the bakery. “Whatcha’ up to?” My real question is, why does the kitchen look like a literal crime scene? There’s donut filling smeared all over the counters; there’s even some on the wall.

“Oh! Uh, nothing, just washing my hands. Cleaning up.”

“Did you cook something?” I look around the kitchen a bit. No pots or pans. Not even a baked good. “I don’t see anything.”

“N-No, not really. I was just preparing something for a batch I was going to bake tomorrow.” For a baker, that’s a totally normal thing to do. Probably.

“Alrighty, then. Should we head out now?”

Sadie smiles, but her face still seems tight. “Lovely.”

***

“Something’s off about Sadie, man. I’ve been getting these weird vibes lately.”

“Oh, so now you see it.” Malachi rolls his eyes, taking a bite into a fresh-baked, sugar-free twist. “Did you two have a fight? Does she not like it when you burp halfway through your sentences?”

“What? No, to both.” Well, actually, that’s a hard maybe on the latter. “Nothing specifically happened, per se, but, like, the vibes were off. She was acting really strange last night.”

“What’d she do, exactly?”

“Well, she…” Washed her hands? What exactly am I supposed to say in this situation? “...actually, never mind.”

“Good. Because, if you were about to say some kinky shit, I literally would’ve punched you in the face.” He chortles as I push hard against his arm. “Look, man, relationships are weird. Whatever’s on your mind, just work it out with her. Better now than later. Regret hurts like a bitch, dude.”

I stare down at the cruller in front of me and swallow thickly. “I think you’re right, man. I should just talk things out with her.”

***

Oh, god, I was wrong. I was so wrong. Screw talking things out. Malachi was right. Regret does hurt like a bitch. I should’ve listened to him, the first time. I wish I could go back and listen to him. I should’ve known something was wrong from the random nighttime hand washing. Or from the biting incident. Or from when any human woman found me to be conventionally attractive. Maybe that’s it. Maybe she’s just not human. She probably isn’t, given that she’s pulling this shit. She’s literally crazy, and I fell for it.

You wanna know what was in those crullers? The jelly filling: it wasn’t cherry or strawberry or whatever other random red fruit we thought it was. It’s straight-up human remains. ...Plus a shit ton of sugar and preservatives, but that’s beside the point. That’s why Malachi thought they tasted like metal. There’s iron and calcium in blood and bones; she was just feeding us metal. People. And I ate them! Almost every day! For two months! Oh my god, what’s wrong with her? What’s wrong with me?

Malachi, or Mom, or Gas Station Lady, if you’re reading this, just know that I love you all. Actually, this is an inner monologue; you’ll never see this. Poetic cruller bullshit aside, this is absolutely crazy. Oh god, she’s back. Oh god, she has a meat grinder. Why would she have a meat grinder? This is the worst day of my life. Oh god, this is the last day of my life. I’m about to die. She’s about to grind me into bits and make me into donut filling. Oh, god, oh, god, oh, god. I should’ve known better, I should’ve--

Fuck, Malachi, please, don’t eat the crullers. Don’t eat the--

***

“I knew there was something up with you!”

“Excuse me?”

“Oh god, he even told me that you were acting strange recently--”

“Malachi, please, calm down. What’s the matter?”

“Cut the bullshit, Donut Girl. What did you do to Jason?”

A pause. Then, she smiles. “Welcome to Sadie’s Bakery, the best baked goods in town. Could I interest you in a cruller?”

[zynita]

My Decade in Books

I was tagged by the lovely @brightbeautifulthings and her blog is filled with exactly that, so please jump over and give her a follow.

The 2010's were good years - they weren't perfect by any means and they involved a lot of growing up/learning what it means to be an adult, but I think that I came out of them a much better person and better prepared for what the world has in store for me. Looking back, I read a lot of amazing books! When I went back to make my choices for this post I was surprised to find that I read 333 books from 2012 through 2019! 2012 was the year that I created my Goodreads account and since then I have used it to track my reading progress over the years, so looking back at 2010 and 2011 may be a bit hazy, but there are a couple of special reading moments near and dear to my heart that I can share. So let's get into this~

The Rules: Respond to the prompt “My Decade in Books” however you want and then tag some people! I decided to share a book and/or series which defined the year along with some of my memories/reasons as to for doing so. You can do that or make up a response that is entirely your own, there is no wrong way to go about it.

2010: Yep, like many I got caught up in the Twilight craze and while I still find sparkly vampires a bit odd/silly, this series did motivate me to start reading again on a regular basis. Prior to that, I had been in a car accident in the late fall/early winter of 2006 and then my daughter was born April 2007. Unfortunately, my mental health was not the greatest as I was dealing with post-partum depression in combination with my pre-existing depression and possible/slight post-concussive changes. In 2010 I was given a boxed set of the series as a birthday gift and reading it ultimately helped spark my interest in books again - this was one of the first steps to breaking out of my apathetic depression. I will always be thankful for Twilight because it showed me that I was still capable of feeling real living breathing changing emotions.

2011: This year was marked by the completion of my Associate's Degree in Accounting/Business Administration that spring and acceptance to continue studying accounting at the local state university. My daughter was 4 years old and about to start preschool. We were able to get a place of our own moving in with my wife (then girlfriend) into a cute 2-bedroom apartment - we became a family. One of the best memories I have from our time living there was how at night I would read the story of the boy wizard who lived in a closet under the stairs to our daughter. This series would go on to define so much of our lives as it became her favorite for a number of years - the first major book series she read entirely on her own, eventually going on to do so in Spanish as well. We became a small flock of Ravenclaws and she has bloomed into quite the reader herself. I will always have a soft spot in my heart and memory for this series because of the story it tells and for the part it played in our story.

2012: I previously read King's Dark Tower in the mid 2000's and the story deeply resonated with me. When I found out that King was planning to release a new Dark Tower book, The Wind Through the Keyhole, I knew that I had to reread the series. The series' story feels dark and gritty, the tale of a knight from a world that has moved on fulfilling his quest to reach the Tower, revered as the center of all worlds. There is a certain tragic nostalgic romance to the story of an old knight in a dying world haunted by his past questing with what initially seems to be an unlikely group, only to eventually come together as something more - as ka-tet. This is a series that I know I will return to in the future.

2013: If you go through my Tumblr history, specifically on my book blog, you will come across my reviews and a large portion of my reviews written in 2013 dealt with my read through of Laurell K. Hamilton's Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter series - 22 books and 1 novella (Guilty Pleasures through Affliction). I first picked up Guilty Pleasures during a book sale in ~2011 and I recall reading it and a couple of the subsequent books (maybe 3 of them at most). At first, I was drawn in by Anita herself but when I came back to the books in 2013 and read the entire series I found myself intrigued by the many characters around Anita and her relationships with them. The series started as one thing and developed into something different - changing focus from a supernatural police procedural to being more character driven. This doesn't mean that Anita doesn't still go out and hunt the bad guys, but it is no longer the absolute main focus of the story and I am okay with that. Anita and her relationship struggles helped me to understand/come to terms with the concept that love isn't the same across all relationships, that people love differently and that is okay. It helped me to become comfortable in the knowledge that I can love others and it doesn't compromise/lessen the love that I have for my wife. For that reason alone, I will always have a strong admiration/fondness for Anita Blake. I plan on reading the two most recent releases (Crimson Death and Serpentine) some time this year!~

2014: This year was a very very difficult year for me and my wife and I spiraled into a deep depression. Due to my mental health difficulties I failed to complete my bachelor's degree program and had to leave school. I ultimately wound up doing nothing more than sleeping, playing video games, and attempting to read when I could. I remember that I was scrolling through Tumblr and I saw a post praising The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern - I was immediately enamoured with the cover, the starkness of the black/white/red, a circus, magic, and intrigue, I had to read it. My first read through took me 4 days because I never wanted it to end. This book helped me break a major reading slump through its beautiful lyrical prose of opponents turned lovers forged and bound within the fire locked behind the blackened gates of the traveling Les Cirques des Reves. I have read this book a total of 4 times and each time has only further deepened my love and appreciation for it - this book is my ultimate comfort read (though it may now have strong competition from her sophomore novel, The Starless Sea).

2015: At the behest of my love and my pseudo brother (I basically adopted him as the younger brother I never had) I picked up/started reading Robert Jordan's epic fantasy saga Wheel of Time which was ultimately completed by Brandon Sanderson following the death of Jordan. The series made up a great deal of my 2015 reading though I did make time for other books as well. What I particularly loved about the series was a combination of the richness of the world and the complexity of the characters. We witness these characters as they mature and grow into themselves ultimately becoming worthy of the title of ta'veren placed upon them by the Wheel. With the Amazon TV show on the horizon, I will likely pick up the series again and with subsequent readthroughs comes the opportunity to pick up on little things/foreshadowing that may have been missed before.

2016: This was another year where I didn't read a lot of books (only 38), but the majority of the ones I read were ones that I really enjoyed and Gail Carriger's Parasol Protectorate Series was a notable favorite. While I was working on my bachelor's degree I had the opportunity to take an upper division English course focused on Victorian Era literature and what started as a spark of interest became a warm comforting fire. Parasol Protectorate combined two genres which I had enjoyed on their own (historical fiction and paranormal/fantasy[?]) into something which felt entirely unique. I fell in love with the characters and thoroughly enjoyed the series - so much so that I have returned to Carriger's Victorian Era with my current read through of her Finishing School Series, an upcoming re-read of Parasol Protectorate, and a first time read through of the sequel series The Custard Protocol.

2017: So much of 2017 is honestly a blur... I was hired in July 2015 as a medical transcriptionist but over the following years would continue to gain increased responsibilities (with associated pay increases) allowing for some pretty notable things to occur leading up to my girlfriend and I getting married!~ We had been dating/living together in addition to having been friends for so much time before that it just made sense for us to get married and I can't picture my life without her in it. My favorite read that year was E.K. Johnston's That Inevitable Victorian Thing for so many reasons. The novel plays with history as we know it and speculates on what would have occurred had colonialism never taken root and instead a utopia was formed under the British Empire - an empire without racism, homophobia, and classism built upon mutual respect and harmony. This book is full of diversity/representation/LGBTQIA+/etc. while exploring identity, orientation, and relationships in a respectful/open-minded manner. I have already slated this book for a re-read as soon as I finish my current read through of Carriger's works.

2018: This book is probably one of the most important books I have ever read. I can't remember how exactly I came across it but I knew that I had to read it as soon as I read the synopsis. I then shared it with my daughter (who was then 11 years old) and we decided to buddy read it. This book...this is the book that I wish I had had the opportunity to read when I was that same age attempting to learn about and understand my own sexuality. This book has also allowed my wife and me to have a continuing, open dialogue with our daughter (now turning 13 in April). I actually Tweeted this basic sentiment to Ms. Blake upon finishing the book and she actually replied to me!~

Since then my daughter has read the book multiple times and we bought her a hardback copy for Christmas. Maybe one day we can attend a signing and thank Ms. Blake for Ivy's story personally.

2019: My favorite of read of 2019 was Elizabeth Wein's Code Name Verity. ((I know, I could have easily posted and gushed about Erin Morgenstern's The Starless Sea which I absolutely love but given that I had previously mentioned The Night Circus I felt it prudent to discuss something else.)) When I was book blogging in 2013-2014 I remember seeing a lot of posts talking about it and its unique approach to storytelling. I remember picking up the ebook but I was so caught up in reading other things at the time that it sat on my TBR shelf. Fast forward to last year and I finally decided to take the time and read it. Color me 100% floored and angry at myself for waiting so long to read it! I fell absolutely in love with Verity/Julie, with the story that she wove, with the friendship between her and Maddie. The synopsis describes the book as "harrowing" and "beautifully written," descriptors that I wholeheartedly agree with. My wife knew how much I enjoyed it and I received a copy of the hardback edition which will eventually grace my bookshelf (sort of kind of need to buy one first).

So that is My Decade in Books! I am very bad about tagging people in things, but if you saw the post and feel so inclined to make one of your own please do and tag me in it to check out. If you stuck through this post to the end, I greatly appreciate it and wish you well in the new reading decade.

*Zyn/Melanie*

#mine #zynita #brightbeautifulthings #my decade in books #books #booklr #bookish #novels #reading

[mindful-acting-blog]

Actors - Lower Your Expectations

Ambition vs Aspiration

Actors, it is time to lower your expectations. Let me be clear here, lower your 'expectations' not your 'aspirations'. We can still have lofty, meaningful and far-reaching goals without adding the pressure of achieving them. Having a goal is a tool best used to make things into a kind of game, not a competition. It's something to carefully aim towards, not blindly rush in the general direction of. We need to be smart and skilful. The same is true whether our goal is a fulfilling career in the arts or reaching your highest spiritual ideals. The idea is to treat it as a game with humour and a slight irreverence, whilst still moving more skillfully in that direction than those who take themselves too seriously. By taking our-'selves' less seriously we undermine the illusion of the hard-edged boundaries that separate us from the rest of humanity and reality. 

Whereas ambition is governed by the achievement of expectations set externally from society and reinforced from within, aspiration is gauged by the pursuit of something greater than oneself. It is the journey itself that counts in aspiration, not the achievement. In other words, it’s time to trade in ‘ambition’ for ‘aspiration’.

As Epictetus the revered Stoic philosopher put it “Circumstances do not rise to meet our expectations. Events happen as they do. People behave as they are. Embrace what you actually get.” This means we can still aim for a certain type of career and achievements without getting caught up in 'expecting them to happen' and being constantly disappointed when reality doesn't turn out exactly the one specific way we imagined it ‘should’ have. This is so limiting and unrealistic it borders on the absurd to hear it out loud. 

Comparing Yourself to Yourself

How often have you compared yourself against the societal proclaimed 'geniuses' in your particular profession or passion and then continually reset that boundary directly in front of your nose as you've aged? If you are a writer, maybe you started as a teenager comparing yourself against Christopher Paolini for having written the epic Eragon in his teenage years, thinking "I've achieved nothing even close to what he has at his age" Then as you grow older you continue to use the arbitrary marker of birth anniversaries to continually berate yourself for your continued 'lack of success' by a certain age compared to ______ (whatever new famous ‘achiever’ has risen in your profession). I used to do this with actor IMDB and Wikipedia pages all the time and this behaviour is perpetuated by our culture itself. We all do it, we all feel the secret shame, we all get either dispirited and apathetic or neurotic and overzealous. Then we all silently or not silently encourage each other to follow suit despite the fact that this behaviour is doing us no good ourselves. How many times in life do we advise someone to do something the same way we're doing it, despite the fact that it doesn't work for us either?

This is the very behaviour that perpetuates erroneous propagandas like 'The American dream', or working hard in one job all your life, saving, getting married and having a family by age ‘__’ will make you ultimately happy. *eye roll* My friend used to tell me her antidote to herself, whenever she caught herself in this kind of stubborn self-advisory state, was to have Judi Dench pop into her mind and say in her warm, wry manner "Oh yes? And how's that working out for you?". To which my friend would inevitably respond, "*Sigh* Not very well..."

The Path is the Goal, The Goal is the Path

But I tell you again it is not the aspiration to do great things that is holding us back, for aspiration is not based on comparing oneself to others. It is based on comparing yourself to your past self. Have you grown in the direction you wish to grow in? Are you getting better at what you want to do? It is an aim, not just a destination. And hopefully, as you get closer to the goals you have, the vision of them becomes sharper. Maybe the goal itself doesn't quite look like what you originally thought or ‘expected’ it to. Likely you'll start to recalibrate your navigation to make more specific route choices. On our journey to the moon, we need to keep righting the ship. 

As Billy Joel says in my favourite song of his 'Vienna', "Dream on but don't imagine they'll all come true"

[distressedpanda]

Her Song (Loki x OFC) Part 4

Warnings: Language

A/N: I know this is going up late this week. I had a death in my family, which drastically affected my schedule. Due to this and the changes in my schedule, I will be updating this on Saturday's and Wild One will be on hiatus for now. I hope everyone will understand.

As always if you would like to be tagged let me know.

Tags: @whosaidididthat​

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Tony called the Avengers to the labs the next morning. The main six were joined by five others including Iloa. “Thanks for coming in you guys. Banner here discovered that we have a problem developing in Russia.”

Banner stepped forward adjusting his glasses nervously, “Thank you, Tony. As you can see on the screen we have a number of locations in Moscow that are producing large amounts of radiation. We sent in reconnaissance to confirm the presence of nuclear weapons.”

Iloa had been part of that team along with Natasha and Clint. It had been an easy in and out assignment at all five locations. No hiccups, no contact. It was also the mission that, at least in part, was why she and Loki weren't speaking at the moment. She glanced across the room at him. He was standing against the wall, arms crossed over his broad chest, apart from the group but at least he was paying attention. She forced her eyes back to the three men in front, trying her best to pay attention again.

Steve stepped up, “Our mission is to get into each of these locations, retrieve the nuclear material and get out without being seen. We will be dividing into five groups of two, to hit each facility simultaneously.”

Iloa gulped, and balled her hands into fists at her side, trying to keep them from shaking. Please don't put me with Loki. Please. Please. She inwardly prayed, the two of them alone would just be too awkward at this moment.

Snatching up a clipboard, Tony slid in front of Steve, “Here we go. Honey bear, you're with me. Cap and Sam, Point Break you have Pissant, Natasha you're with Legalos, and that just leaves Teeny and Rock of Ages.” He looked up with a self satisfied grin.

Iloa wasn't the only confused face in the bunch. Tony had way too many nick names for everyone, and she, Thor, Loki and Scott were standing around like bumps on a log as the others grouped up. She cleared her throat, “Care to run that by me again?” she asked, gesturing around the room to the other three that were just as confused as she.

“Oh sorry, princess,” he stated apathetically and she rolled her eyes at him. “Let me try that again for the children in the room, Thor you are with the ant over there,” he nodded between the two, “And you dear Teeny,” he added taking a few steps closer to whisper loudly in her face, “You are with the other so called God.”

Loki growled from behind her, “I heard that.” She jumped at the sound of his voice behind her. When had he moved?

Tony stood up rounding Iloa and patting Loki on the shoulder, “I meant for you too.”

Iloa looked up over her shoulder at the scowling man standing there. He wasn't looking at her but at Tony, which only provided her with a very small amount of relief. Her fears had come true though, being paired with him. She couldn't be grouped with him, not alone. She and Loki weren't exactly on speaking terms at the moment. She could see far to many ways this mission could go south if they were alone together.

She reached out grabbing Tony's arm and dragging him slightly away from the others, “Why would you put me with him?” she asked nervously.

“Well, princess, that would be because I can.” He glanced down at the clipboard in his hands, bringing it up over his face, seeming genuinely disinterested. “Why, is there a problem I should know about?” He tipped the clipboard down peering out over it so she could only see his eyes.

That brought her up short, she stuttered trying to explain herself, “I. . . I. . .” Then blew out of her lips in exasperation, blowing her hair away from her face. “Can't he go with Thor instead?”

He let out a small snort, “Thor hasn't exactly been reliable when it comes to controlling his brother. You really think I am going to leave that responsibility to him?” He quirked his eyebrows in question and Iloa couldn't stop the amused grin that quirked the corner of her lips.

She huffed crossing her arms and glaring back at those eyes, “And how exactly do you expect me to control him?”

“You sing, dear Teeny,” he dropped the clipboard then, grasping her shoulder gently. “You sing.” His voice was soft and fatherly, if she was honest with herself he had kind of become a father figure to her during her time here. He was a guide when she needed it, caring when she needed comfort and hard on her when he was pushing her to grow in her training.

He laid the clipboard down on one of the lab tables, gripping both of her shoulders. “Listen Iloa, I wouldn't ask you, but I can't trust anyone else with this. You are the only person that can and will put him out if he gets out of control.”

Iloa dipped her head, closing her eyes and furrowing her brow. When he put it like that, she could not argue. “Fine,” she hissed through her teeth. She might not be able to deny his request but that didn't mean she had to like it.

“Good girl,” he shook her shoulders lightly, before dropping his hands. “Now get you things Short Stack or you will get left behind,” he added, waving his hand above her head, directing her attention to the now empty room.

An hour later, everyone was climbing into the Quinjet ready to leave. Iloa sat next to Loki, dressed in his green and black leathers with gold accents, horned helmet atop his head. He was nothing less than a God as he sat there in all his splendor. Iloa in her simple black sleeveless leather suit, with her Kunai belt hanging across her hips and her thick leather boots, she felt inadequate to even think of having feelings for him. But as he fiddled with his belt straps, trying to get himself strapped in, she couldn't see him as anything more than adorable.

“Where is Bruce?” Natasha asked strapping into her chair as pilot.

Steve flipped switches preparing for flight as co-pilot, “He isn't coming this time.”

Tony piped up from his seat right behind Steve, “No, enormous green rage monster this time?”

Steve glared over his shoulder, and Tony just grinned.

During this exchange, Loki was still attempting to get himself strapped in. He couldn't quite figure out the harness system and if he threw his elbow into Iloa's shoulder one more time she was going to get a bruise and she was going to scream.

Taking a deep breath, she unbuckled herself and reached over snatching the harness from him, “Please let me, before you break my arm.”

Loki yanked his hands away, trying desperately not to touch her. His breathing became labored, as her nimble fingers worked the belts expertly. He silently prayed to the Gods that she couldn't hear his heightened heartbeat. She was so close, he could smell the familiar scent of the ocean on her. He couldn't stop his eyes from roaming over her well-fitted leathers. The curve of her backside far to tempting with her close proximity. His hands twitched as he scanned up further. She had far to much exposed skin and that was just the back of her suit. The v of flesh across her back, exposing flawless tanned skin. Her bare shoulders, one of which was pressed against his chest as she worked. If he wanted he could reach out and run his fingers through those crimson locks, that curtained down both sides of her face. He gulped loudly when she finished fastening him in and looked up at him through her lashes. She was the picture of beauty as she grinned shyly.

This gave him a better view of the front of her, and had his breathing becoming even more erratic, the neck of her suit mimicking the back, dipping just below her breasts. Loki licked his now dry lips, pulling his gaze back to her eyes, hoping she hadn't noticed his roaming gaze.

Iloa had to do some praying of her own, willing her fingers not to tremble. She pulled away as quickly as she could, before the scent of leather, spice, and seiðr could hypnotize her. Looking up at him, she watched his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed and was momentarily mesmerized by it. She grinned, watching his eyes roam down her body and leaned away, quickly fastening her harness. Clearing her throat, “That should do it.” His gaze hadn't made her uncomfortable, but it was a dangerous road to travel down at the moment. She had to stay focused on the mission but try as she might she couldn't pull her eyes from his.

His eyes went dark, “Yes, right,” his voice was thick and husky. He heard her inhale sharply and cleared his throat, trying to clear his mind of the current indecent thoughts racing through it, as well. He sat back worrying his hands together, uncontrollably. He couldn't pull his eyes away from those deep blue pools of hers. As the jet began to rise, they gazed into each others eyes, until the jet jostled violently and Iloa looked up to the cockpit, breaking the spell that had been cast over the two. He dropped his hands to the bench seat, attempting to cover up his nerves.

“Sorry,” Nat called back into the bay.

“I know I piss you off but you don't have to kill everyone else over it,” Tony just couldn't keep his mouth shut. There was a consensual groan from the group and Tony crossed his arms and grinned like the cat that caught the canary.

“Tony,” Steve warned, as he helped Natasha level out the jet. “Not helping.”

“It's fine,” Natasha snarled at Steve and flinched at herself. “Sorry.”

Steve chuckled lightly, that wonder boy smile plastered across his face, “It's ok,” he said trying to calm her down. “You know if you need to talk,” he added in a whisper, “I can listen. I know you aren't thrilled about the way Banner has been acting lately. I don't think any of us are but I know you are taking it the hardest.”

“Thanks for your concern but I am fine,” Nat responded, “Let's just focus on the mission.”

Steve nodded, refocusing on the controls.

Iloa had a death grip on the seat, she didn't like flying. She understood the necessity of it, it was faster than any other way across the ocean, especially in the jet. But in all her years of travel she had never been on a plane, until she had been recruited by the Avengers.

She gulped in lung fulls of air, trying to fight her nerves. It wasn't as bad as the first time she had gone up in the jet but she still didn't like it. Back then she had completely wigged out on Natasha. She ended up having a full blown, hyperventilating, panic attack, that had almost torn the jet apart.

She lowered her head and closed her eyes, gripping the seat as tight as she could without hurting her hands. Her legs began bouncing, beyond her control.

“Teen,” Tony's voice sounded across the bay, he was sitting directly across from her. He reached out a tentative hand.

“Don't,” she bit out, snapping her head up to glare at him. She wasn't trying to be mean, she just knew if he touched her, it would only make her nerves worse.

He held his hands up in surrender, “Alright, I know. Just checking on you.”

“It's fine, I'm fine,” she grit her teeth, “We're fine.”

He nodded, “I know.”

She dropped her head again, trying to still her legs and calm her breathing. They hit a patch of turbulence at that moment and instinctively she reached for the thing that could give her comfort. That thing just happened to be Loki's hand which was sitting on the bench next to her. She wrapped her fingers across the top of his hand. Clinging to the electricity that shot through her veins and the warmth that instantly calmed her addled nerves.

Suddenly realizing what she had done, she looked up at Loki. He was looking down at her, appearing anguished but he didn't remove his hand from her grasp. Instead he inhaled sharply, running his thumb across her fingers.

She closed her eyes, fighting the moan that threatened to escape her throat.

“Are you alright?” he asked, sounding completely indifferent.

She opened her eyes again, “I. . . I don't like. . .” she swallowed thickly, trying to quell the hunger she suddenly felt for him, “Flying,” she finished on an exhale.

He quirked an eyebrow, “I can tell,” he stated, looking down at there hands and glancing up through his lashes at her, as if to say 'Duh.'

She moved her hand away from his, back to gripping the bench, “Sorry,” she said, looking down at the floor. She could feel her cheeks coloring.

Loki frowned as he watched her remove her hand and apologize. Something churned in his stomach at the lose of contact. He wanted to reach out and take her hand back but he was afraid that would make things worse.

Fear. That was the ruling force in his world now. He was falling for this woman, he couldn't deny it, at least not to himself. But the fear of losing her made him keep her at arms length. It was better this way, for both of them. She didn't even know who, or rather what, he really was anyway. If she did, Loki was certain she wouldn't want to be around him anymore. He didn't want to be around himself most of the time but he could keep her from the fate he couldn't escape. He couldn't lose anyone else and only by keeping his distance would he be able keep it that way. She was a mortal, they didn't love the way his kind did. They didn't live as long as his kind did. She would move on with enough distance and he would be alone for the rest of his days. He could live with that, if it meant she could be happy.

He shook his head free from those thoughts. Glancing over at her trembling figure, his heart ached. She needed comfort, and if only for right now, he would provide it. He had to.

Iloa inhaled sharply when Loki laid his hand atop hers. The familiar tingles and heat creeping up her arm. He squeezed it gently, then just let it lay there. She wanted to cry. Was he reaching out to her? She looked up to him but he was staring straight ahead, his face completely impassive. Ducking her head and allowing her hair to cover her face. A single tear fell from her eye, dropping to the metal floor silently. Of course, it was too much to hope that he cared for her. He was probably just annoyed that she was shaking the bench.

They sat silently for the rest of the journey, him squeezing her hand gently when the plane rattled. Her heart breaking a little more each time he did.

#loki #loki x ofc #tom hiddleston loki #angst #fluff #did i mention #so much angst #slow burn #fan fiction