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chilumi-shipper · 1 year

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Forget and Regret (2)

Kamisato Ayato x Fem!Reader

Summary: Part 2 of "Forget and Regret", Ayato is being plagued by dreams, you think he doesn't need you anymore, but for some reason, he really can't just leave you alone. Many moments of pain came before comfort.

Tags: Angst w/ happy ending, Hurt/Comfort, Crying, A little swearing, Maybe a little naughty in the end (nothing explicit)

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Ayato walked into the room, his eyes landing on a girl lying on his bed, her shoulders shaking as little sobs filled the quiet room.

Her figure was covered by a blanket, and though he could not see her up front, he knew that she was clutching the sheets to her chest.

"Love?" He called out for the girl, the endearment falling naturally from his lips.

The girl did not look at him, but he knows that he's gained her attention.

She tried to control her breath, trying not to make her shallow and sobbing breaths obvious.

"I-I'm sorry..." The girl said in such a small and quiet voice, the stuttering making it obvious that she had been crying. "I k-know it's stupid, b-but I just wanted to give you a g-gift." Ayato had been hearing a lot of this 'gift' thing. He has no idea what is happening, yet the sight of the girl crying in front of him just makes him want to coddle her and make her feel better.

"I should say my apologies as well, my love..." His mouth moved on its own, letting him say words for which he did not know the context. "I didn't mean to lose my temper. I may have been angry, but I would never ever dream of hurting you."

"I-I regret not saying this sooner, my dear Y/-"

The Yashiro Commissioner stirred awake, groaning as his eyes slowly opened.

He grabbed a pillow by his side and covered his face with it.

Yet another dream, of the same girl, no less.

And every single time, every waking moment after a dream like that, Ayato felt like his heart was being vigorously tugged on, a sense of regret oozing from the back of his mind. And try as he might, no explanation ever arose to answer his questions.

So, just like every time that this happened, he shrugged off the feelings conveyed by the dreams before finally getting out of bed.

...

"Have you heard? The Commissioner and his wife had a fight." You hear the whispered rumours of some of the workers in the estate, making you sigh.

"Yeah, but people have been saying that she left him. Here she is now, though, so maybe it's all just exaggerated."

"No! I was here a few weeks ago, and I heard the Lord himself screaming angrily. Could it be that he was mad at Lady Kamisato?"

"Could be, not to mention that Lady Ayaka has been acting weird lately. She's taking over all of the Lord's duties; I wonder what's happening inside their home."

"Ladies, please. Let's all just stop with all the gossip and get to work?" Thoma approached the workers gathered around to talk about the Kamisato siblings and you, keeping his polite smile as he asked them to get back to work.

After the group got back to their duties, the blonde walked up to you.

"My lady." He addressed you like always, making you look down a bit. "The Shuumatsuban thanks you for your generous donations and help on their mission against the Fatui."

Lately, you've been going back to the estate, both to gather your things without attracting attention and to pay back for what you did a few weeks back.

You also did some digging around the Fatui in Inazuma; it took quite a while, and though it almost got you in danger with the organization, you got a few useful pieces of information for the Shuumatsuban. You feel that this is only appropriate because you accidentally sabotaged them before.

"Umm, please tell them that I'm glad I could do something good for them." You smiled at him, feeling a little bit flustered. Your interactions with Thoma have been very awkward lately; he's still against what you're doing with Ayato. "Thanks for everything, Thoma."

He merely nods before watching you walk out of the estate, presumably going back home.

"I didn't know that she worked here." The retainer heard his lord's voice from behind him, making him turn around to face him. "I wish I had the chance to talk to her again." Thoma noticed how Ayato's blueish-purple eyes followed the trail you walked on, perhaps thinking about you as he did so.

This is why he thinks what you're doing is silly. One look at his lord and he sees the interest in you oozing from him, even at his current state.

"Well, technically, she doesn't work here. But she plays a very important role in the estate." Thoma clarified, making the periwinkle-haired man think.

"Oh, what do you mean by that, Thoma?" The Commissioner asked curiously.

"Well, though I do want to explain, I know it would be far better if she did so herself, my lord." He left it at that, not letting Ayato press further.

...

"Hi."

As you were fixing everything up at the front of the Kamisato Estate, you heard a familiar voice coming from behind you.

You turned around, your eyes meeting another pair that looked pleased to see you. "Y/N, I was hoping to see you again." Ayato said with a smile.

Your breath hitched, you instinctively walked a little away from him.

"Oh, no need to be nervous or anything. I mean, I know I'm kind of an important figure or something, but..." He cleared his throat, chuckling a little. "I hope that I don't scare you away."

You sighed, bowing your head. "Lord Kamisato, I'm just finishing up my work."

"No need for formalities, you can just call me Ayato. After all, I owe you my life." He stated, walking a bit closer to you. "Thank you again, I can't stress that enough."

You couldn't look up at his face, not up his smiling and gentle face, at least not while keeping yourself from bursting to tears, admitting that you're his wife and that you did something that made him resent you.

He looked at your timid form, your hands clasped together tightly. Perhaps he should do something to ease the tension you were feeling.

"Once again, you're welcome, my lord. I..." His ears perked, he heard you sniffle, and he could've sworn that your hand reached up to your face to wipe a tear away.

It's all too familiar for him for some reason.

He has no idea what is happening, yet the sight of the girl crying in front of him just makes him want to coddle her and make her feel better.

"I'm... g-gonna take my leave now." You quickly ran away from him, making Ayato look at your running figure in shock.

He truly did not expect you to be overwhelmed just by talking to him.

And he couldn't explain why, but something in him screamed to run after you and hug you and tell you that everything is okay and that he's sorry.

...Are you... her?

...

Everyday after that encounter, it seems that the periwinkle-haired man was always there by you're side, trying to initiate a conversation.

You've gotten better at containing yourself around him. But still, you'd rather him not be there, you'd rather not be on the brink of heart attack every minute of the day.

Once you realized that he was gonna try and talk to you everytime you go to the estate, you actively tried to spend as little amount of time as possible.

Thoma and Ayaka were not gonna let that happen though.

You were about to leave and take a few days off, but then Thoma approached you. "My lady, Lady Ayaka was hoping that you'd come in tomorrow and help her with the organization of the upcoming festival." He passed on your sister-in-law's message. "Since you've helped my lord with this business before, you might be a great help."

You honestly should have seen this coming. And even if they're making it seem like you had a choice, they knew you'd cave in, they knew you'd come tomorrow and try to help.

They most certainly planned to give Ayato the chance to work on the festival so that you help him with it instead of Ayaka when you came in the next day.

"So... this is my job."

You hated to admit that you were amused with Ayato's reactions to things he had to do.

"Yes, my lov- my lord." He cleared your throat immediately, hoping he didn't catch that mistake. You chastised yourself, for letting your guard down.

"What do we do first?" Though you found his excitement to work again and rediscover what he does for a living very cute and amusing, you stand stiff and focused.

He's not your husband.

You remind yourself constantly as you work on the task at hand.

The cycle continues though, Ayaka and Thoma will make sure that you have a reason to come back to the estate, basically setting Ayato up for at least an hour with you almost everyday.

And you could not even describe how tired you are, tired of constantly being on your guard, tired of pretending to not be his wife.

But this is for him, this is what he wants. He said so himself, you should always remember that.

...

He wants to take you out on a date.

Though Ayato had many conflicting feelings about his situation, and his lost memories, he thought that surely making some nice memories bow would do him some good.

Ayato finds that you are quite shy towards him, never meeting his eyes and always speaking to him in a low and mumbly voice.

He found your mannerisms cute too! Even when you don't look at him much, he often has his eyes on you, seeing how your eyes light up a bit when he says something funny or amusing.

Which is why he asked the help of his sister and his retainer to ask you out on a date around town.

"Y/N, may I talk to you, please?" You heard Ayaka's soft voice call out for you.

You walked up to her. "Umm... Anything I can for you?" Again, awkward interactions because she also doesn't approve of your actions.

"I was thinking, brother really wants to explore around the city, especially since the festival that you both planned starts tomorrow night." You already knew what she was gonna say next.

Thoma stood next to her, "I think my lord feels the most comfortable around you, so why not go with him tonight?"

You sighed, looking at them with a frown. "Guys, please... I-I know what you're doing. Thoma, you heard him! He wants nothing to do with me." Thoma looked at you disapprovingly.

"My lady, Lord Ayato loves you more than anything. Why hurt the both of you like this over things that were said out of angry?"

"Y/N... do you still love my brother?" Ayaka looked at you expectantly, her voice laced with doubt.

You looked at her in disbelief. "...I love him more than anything, words cannot explain just how much." You stated firmly, closing your eyes as a few tears fell from your eyes. "And I know he's better off without me."

Ayaka's hands closed into a fist, "I'm your family too! I love you too! You can't just leave us, not because of a stupid fight!" Tears of her own fell down her face, sobs escaping her mouth.

Thoma held her to make sure she didn't break down to the ground. You stood there in shock, before snapping out of it and cupping Ayaka's face.

"Oh, my dear, I'm sorry." You pulled her into a hug, and she immediately melted into you. "I won't completely vanish. I promise I'll still be here, even if I'm not your sister-in-law anymore." You felt her shake her head on your shoulder.

But she couldn't speak anymore, she merely hugged you and sobbed away. You couldn't help but cry along with her.

...

"Y/N!" You immediately wiped away your tears, hearing Ayato's voice call your name.

Ayaka left you and went back into the house half an hour ago, and you decided to stay for a bit and let some tears out before running off home.

His voice was friendly and cheery, "Thoma and Ayaka said that they talked to you about... Um, you know, tomorrow night..." He scratched the back of his head, acting a bit flustered. "It may seem lame to ask you out using my sister, hehe." He's completely unaware of what happened half an hour prior.

"So what do you say?" He looked at you expectantly.

He's not your husband.

Say no.

"I'll meet you at Uyuu Restaurant at seven."

You wanted to choke yourself to death for being a frustrating and stubborn little bitch.

...

The people of Inazuma aren't aware of what happened to the Yashiro Commissioner, the Kamisato Clan made sure no news ever got leaked. To the eyes of others, it may just look like the Lord of the Kamisato Clan and his wife going out for an evening together, but in reality, everything is just a complicated mess.

And you are extremely tired, so, to finally end everything and let Ayato go, you concocted a plan so that Ayato wouldn't ever want to be with you ever again.

You were gonna be the most infuriating date ever.

Showing up late and putting no effort to how you look, eating a lot, asking for many expensive things, judging his every move, things like that. That should be enough, right?

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

No, it wasn't.

7:10 pm

You walked up to the table Ayato was sitting in. You were in your sleepwear, a purple matching cotton pajamas and top with your hair in a messy bun.

His eyes found yours and he immediately smiled. "You look really cute."

Your mouth dropped, seriously?!

7:20 pm

"I would like Sakura Tempura, a Sashimi Platter, an Egg Roll, and Dango, please!" You said to the waiter, looking at Ayato to see his reaction.

"Is that too much?" You asked him, hoping to provoke him a little.

"Not at all!" He stated with a smile, looking down on his menu. "Your orders are actually quite cheap. How about I order you some sake and more dessert as well?"

"No nee-" You couldn't stop him from ordering those for you too.

This isn't working.

8:00 pm

That festival mask was 10,000 mora. This may be too much, but you had to do something to salvage the plan.

"Ayato, look!" You exclaimed, setting his attention to the mask. It has many intricate designs, and a few gems stuck on it.

"Do you want it? I bet it would look very pretty on you."

'Ohhh... but the mask is really expensive...' You were feeling already feeling sorry.

"Y-Yeah..." You said quietly, but he heard it, taking out a bag of mora and approaching the merchant selling it.

You weren't paying attention, so when you felt him place the mask on your head, just above your face, your cheeks flushed.

"Just as I suspected, gorgeous..."

8:30 pm

This isn't working...

You've been walking and doing all kinds of things in the festival for a while, and the date is going so well. This wasn't supposed to happen!

You even tried being rude to him, saying how he walks too slow, his clothes are uneven, or he... you weren't really good at being rude.

"You walk too slow."

"I apologize if I'm bothering you. If you'll allow it, let me hold your hand so that we stay with each other's pace." You walked around the festival hand in hand for the rest of the date.

"Your clothes are uneven."

"Oh, I can't really see it. Can you fix the uneven part for me?" So then, you were stuck fixing the nonexistent uneven part of his clothes, holding the fabric.... just like when you would fix his clothes for him in the morning back then...

'No... stop that, please.'

Ayato's pleasant self negated every 'bad' thing you did.

He could only be more amused as he saw you very obviously thinking, perhaps of another 'insult' you could throw at him.

You were just too cute.

9:00 pm

He invites you to go to Amakumo Island with him as an ending to your date. Seems he got the whole night planned out... he does that a lot for your dates, which you do find amusing.

...Stop.

Of course, you could only agree, knowing that Thoma and Ayaka would light your butt on fire if you ever left Ayato on his own tonight (a part of your decision maybe because you wanted to spend more time with your husband, but you still didn't have a choice).

You sat at the peek of the small island, looking at the see that reflected the stars in the night. It's a beautiful night.

Ayato sighed, scooting a bit closer to you. When you looked at his face, you could see that it seems to display an expression of contentment.

He turns to look at you, making you immediately straightened your head, trying to make it look like you weren't looking at him just then.

It obviously didn't work as an amused chuckle left his lips.

He's not your husband.

But this is still very nice.

You felt his hand going on to hold yours, and you know that all you've been trying to do that night was get him to not like you, and you've honestly tried and failed to do so.

In that moment, you just gave in, finding it hard to move your hand away from his. You even assured him by lightly squeezing his hand.

This is the most relaxed you felt in weeks. If only things can stay this way.

...

"I'm really glad I met you, Y/N."

...

No, you couldn't hold it anymore.

Slowly, tears started going down your face. The more they fell, the less you could control yourself to stop crying. An overwhelming amount of emotions, blocked by a dam finally broke open, and you finally let it all out.

Ayato's expression changed, becoming shocked as you let out little sobs while trying to wipe your tears away. He saw you try to control your breathing, just like the girl in his dreams, he heard the little whimpers coming out of you, the same he heard from that girl.

You let his hand go, "I'm sorry..." You hiccuped, standing up and immediately running away from him.

"Y/N!"

"LEAVE ME ALONE, PLEASE!" You shouted at him.

"Sometimes, I wish I never met you."

Just like then, you ran back to your home, collapsing on the floor in a fit of whimpers and sobs.

"He's not my husband..." You repeated in your mind. That man you went on a date with wasn't your husband, your husband was the Ayato that said he wished he hadn't met you, that looked at you in anger and shame.

The Ayato you were just with was a person you met a few weeks ago after you saved him.

They aren't the same.

Your husband doesn't love you anymore. He wouldn't ever ask you on a date anymore. He wouldn't say he was happy that he met you.

"He's not my husband..." You did not believe in your own words.

Ayato walked alone through Chinju Forest with a solemn face. He kept thinking back to the look of your face and how you were trying desperately to calm yourself down.

He didn't like the look of your crying face, he could even sense the pain you were feeling as you let whimpers escape your shaking lips. The scene sent needles to his heart.

And just as he thought that it was the perfect date.

Did he do something to make you react that way?

As he was thinking, a glimmering object shone in the corner of his eye, immediately gaining his attention. Ayato looked around, before seeing something on the ground reflecting the glow of the moon.

Leaning down to pick it up, he saw a ring, and as he looked at it longer, he felt a raging headache attack his mind.

He groaned, it wasn't as if that was the only time he got headaches, they were quite frequent.

But he couldn't help but feel some sort of familiarity towards the ring, like he has seen it before.

The ring looked extremely special. He decided to bring it with him and hopefully Thoma might be able to help him find who the owner is.

But the number one thing in his mind right now is you.

He hopes that you're alright.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Ayato head was already aching when he came home to a small box on his bed.

It looks like it has gone through some stuff, it has dents everywhere and it looked like it was thrown around.

Is it for him?

Since it was on his bed, he decides to opens it, finding a piece of paper inside along with an even smaller black box.

"Ayato, I really hope you like this gift! It might not make sense when you first open it, but I have a proper explaination about what it is. I'd like to explain you in person."

The bottom of the paper has the words "I love you," in it, as well as a "From your beloved wife, Y/N".

His breath hitched.

Within the black box, he saw a necklace with a charm of what he can assume to be a constellation.

Ayato took out the ring in his pocket, like his memory has been jogged.

You...

You were wearing a ring that looked like it paired with the ring in his hands now.

As Ayato was planning to hold your hand while you were looking away from him, he noticed a ring on your ring finger.

Perhaps it was just the right fit for that finger instead of your middle, that's why you were wearing it there.

The ring was beautiful though, something he would probably pick out for something special.

When he held your hand, he couldn't help but smile at the sight of your hands together, his eyes especially still focused on your ring.

Maybe you forgot, but you left your wedding ring on when you went out for your date.

"I'd like to explain to you in person."

He wasted no time in taking that offer.

Rushing out of the estate, Thoma immediately stepped in his way.

"My lord, you can't just leave! Especially by yourself. Remember what Lady Ayaka said to you." The blonde blocked his master's path, seeing the Yashiro Commissioner's hurried steps to the estate exit.

Thoma's eyes landed on the box within Ayato's hand, noticing the tight grip on the familiar cover.

Oh...

His green eyes then saw his Lady Ayaka, standing far behind her brother. His mouth parted in disbelief.

Has Ayaka taken matters into her own hands?

Without Ayato noticing, the two's eyes were locked, and then Ayaka gave their retainer a firm nod, signalling for Thoma to let her brother go.

"You don't understand, Thoma! I need to-" Ayato was just about to argue, but his words were cut short when the blonde just gave way for him.

"I understand more than you might think, my lord." Thoma sighs, crossing his arms. "Y/N, she... she lives in Konda Village."

Ayato was shocked to say the least, can Thoma really read him so easily?

His mind was filled with confusion, many unanswered questions. But one remained on top of his priority, and he needed to get to you now.

Without another word, he hurries off into the forest, on his way to the village you resided in. Despite the tiredness, he pushed on to go to you.

Yet Thoma's final words didn't escape his ears.

"You aren't the only one that needs to remember."

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Fatigue was spreading all over his body.

But he hoped that he can still make it to you.

He doesn't expect an explanation to be served up to him in a silver platter, given that everything after his accident seems to have been a mess.

He can't fully wrap his head around the situation.

If what he read was true and you're his wife....

If you're the mysterious girl that he was chasing in his dreams....

If you love him and he loves you...

Why would you do this to him?

"Don't go..." His voice was a little playful, but you could sense that there was some sincerity in his words.

You giggled as you packed your clothes for your business trip to Watatsumi Island. "Ayato..." You feel warmth spread through your chest as he hugged you from behind.

"This is my job, as a lady of your clan." His embrace only tightened, stopping your from packing your things. "It's only for two days, my dear."

"Two daysss..." He whined quite dramatically, placing his chin on your shoulder so that you could visibly see his pout. "Who I am suppose to cuddle during bedtime and kiss awake in the morning?"

You sighed in amusement, turning so that you're now facing him. "I promise that when I get back, you can have all the cuddles and kisses you want."

"I want a very exclusive week of you being with me at all times as well."

"Hmmm, why?"

"Because I'm gonna be very deprived in the next two days so you're gonna have to nurture me back to health afterwards." He argued like a child, very unlike him outside of the privacy of your bedroom. You liked having this side of him all to yourself.

"Alright, fine. Now sit down so I can pack properly without interruptions." You said jokingly, pushing him to sit on your bed.

You were able to get through a few more minutes of undisturbed packing, until...

"Don't goooo..."

"Don't go." He whispered into the air, his hurried steps turned to slow walking. This has always been the case since his accident, he gets very tired so much faster than before.

That... memory... that just played in his head...

Was it real?

You and "him"... looked so in love with each other.

"Have you ever thought about an heir?" You stopped in your tracks, hearing the voice of your husband's friend coming from the living room.

"Ahhh, I definitely have thought about it. But I will always consider what my wife wants with this subject." You hear your husbands voice after that.

Eavesdropping may not be very proper and polite, but you couldn't help it. Such a topic never even made it's way to your past conversations.

"Does your wife not want a child?"

You thought about it youself... it would be nice to have a little family with Ayato, with a cute little baby boy or girl to share your love for.

"I honestly don't know, never talked to her about it."

...

When Ayato went into your room for the night, you looked at him intently, much to his surprise.

"Is there something on my face, darling?" He asked, as your gaze never faltered.

You shook your head, then he merely shrugged off and went through his nighttime routine.

Still, his curiousity peaked when he went to lay down with you and you remained looking at him the same way.

"Umm, darling-"

"Yes, I do want a family with you."

Despite his cool and dignified self, Ayato couldn't hide his surprise at your sudden statement. Looking at his expression, you sighed, before doing what was the only thing that could make your husband even more at a lost for words.

You straddled him, sitting on his lap.

"Is... is that okay?" You asked when he didn't give a respond to your statement.

"Yes... please." You couldn't help but giggle, as your sly husband was at a lost for words.

"I would love to have a family with you."

Ayato's head started spinning.

His vision was getting blurry.

He was going to collapse.

Happy...

He looked so happy with you.

Even then, even now, he's happy... with you.

He just doesn't understand why... why you lied to him.

And as he fell on his knees from sheer exhaustion, his memory further gave answers.

"All of this happened because of a stupid fucking package, huh?" You flinched a bit when he cursed, feeling even more pathetic than you were a few minutes ago. It's even worse because it's true, all this did happened because of your package.

"I... I didn't k-know-" Your voice was soft and gentle, yet still full of shame. You sat on the couch with your head hung low.

"What is so fucking important that you had to ruin so much of our work?!" You couldn't answer, you just kept quiet, because to be honest, it wasn't anything important, and you were stupid for ordering it in the first place.

Your husband wiped his face with his hand in frustration, mumbling a bunch of other curse words. You stood up, walking closer to him and reaching your hand out to comfort him.

His hand caught yours, his eyes had finally bore into yours. His teeth almost seem to grind against each other, "You know... sometimes, I just wish...."

"Sometimes I wish I never met you."

All the blurry visions he has seen in his dream, suddenly they become clear.

He held the box tight, as he felt the most painful headache starting to form.

Tears filled his eyes.

He could no longer walk, but he saw... people, they were hurriedly walking to him, and he can faintly hear their worried murmurs.

Those words "he" said, he wishes to take them back down his throat, he wishes to delete the entire scene from existence.

Yet there was nothing he could do but cling on to the memory his brain had for him next.

"Excuse me, sir." He looked up, seeing a girl smile brightly at him, her umbrella covering the rain falling from the sky.

Ayato sat below a tree that barely covered him from the rain before, but he figured that it was better than getting completely soaked. So he was planning to stay there to wait the rain out.

"I noticed that you're kinda stranded here." The girl snickered a little, covering her mouth as she laughed.

Cute. He thought, her smile influenced his lips to do the same.

"Yes, I am quite in a predicament." She offered her hand to him, pulling him up to his feet. "Thank you very much, my lady." He flashed her a calm smile along with his thanks.

"Where are you going anyway? Perhaps I can accompany you so that you don't have to wait for the weather to calm?"

He was about to go back home, but it was still quite a long way away... he decided to take a chance.

"I was about to go for a meal. Though, I find it lonely to be alone during one. So... if you have nothing else to do, perhaps I can treat you to a meal." The girl looked up at him wide-eyed, not expecting to receive such an offer. "As a thank you, miss..." He indirectly asked for the girl's name.

"Y/N." You smiled brightly at him, the scene immediately lifted his mood even more. "And I would love to join you for a meal, sir..."

"Ayato, Kamisato Ayato." You almost let go of the umbrella, but he was quick to catch on, holding your hand that was holding the umbrella steady.

A pink tint exposed themselves on your cheeks, another thing he found cute about you, among many things. "The Yashiro Commissioner?" You questioned, avoiding his gaze.

"Hmm, how about we go to Uyuu Restaurant?" He didn't answer your question, but you were certain that it was him.

Fully letting go of the umbrella, you let him take the lead as you head into the city.

"I was quite enjoying holding your hand." You turned your gaze to him, shocked at his forward comment. His smile was still there on his face, if anything, it turned kind of sly.

Not knowing how to react, you stupidly offered your hand to him. "Umm, okay..." You wanted to immediately slap yourself, yet due to nervousness, your hand remained up for the offer.

'Go down, hand! How can he even hold it when he's holding the umbrella?!' You screamed in your head.

As if listening to your thoughts, the rain came to an immediate stop. And as the man behind you noticed, he closed the umbrella, humming as if he was pleased.

When he was done, he carried it with his other hand, leaving the hand close to yours free to hold.

Ayato slipped his hand into yours. "I appreciate your kindness, my lady."

You smiled, though quite nervous... almost in like a giddy way.

You didn't look at him, hoping he doesn't notice how your hand is shaking. You merely looked up to the stars.

A constellation stuck to your memory.

Ayato sat on the grass, his mind heavy as he held the box with one hand and his head the other.

Despite the unbearable pain... remembering you was nice. So he smiled as tears fell from his eyes.

He doesn't want to forget.

"Look, it's the Yashiro Commissioner!" A worried exclaim, one he could barely hear made him look up to see a bunch of people running to his aid.

"Please, inform Lady Kamisato about the situation." The words he heard last as he fell unconscious.

Mentions (People that have been waiting for 8 months)(I'm sorry): @nasidibakar @kisum9 @kittycasie @ramvuda @the-real-fandom-person @xiaopleasecomehome @lswtamashi @rustybucketofghosts @him3ru @tartagliasmoneybag @eurooki @spicycloudsalad @icarusignite @foxlady99 @mnoxsk and others I couldn't mention for some reason.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Here's Part 3

This is really long because the first one was really short hehe. I really hope you liked it. And yes, I am really sorry for updating so late, and just not uploading in general. :((

I am now very busy, but I try. I love writing despite it taking over my sleep schedule and if only I was faster and more creative, I would have a lot for you guys.

See you when I see you ^-^

Might take months to post again ⊙⁠﹏⁠⊙

#genshin impact x reader #genshin impact #genshin impact imagines #genshin impact angst #genshin impact fluff #genshin angst #genshin fluff #genshin impact ayato #kamisato ayato angst #kamisato ayato #kamisato ayato fluff #kamisato ayato x reader

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 3 months

Note

AITA for outing my sisters (SECOND) pregnancy and causing drama

I (20f) am aware that accidents happen, but she doesn't even know the man to her (22f) first (thusly no child support is involved in this equation). Discovery of this information is due to me being the one that does the bathroom trash. It was... not well hidden, to say the least.

Pure flavor and context, our relationship would be less rocky if she had any sense of responsibility at all. From 15 onwards constantly out of money yet up the ass of every hangout/party in town, constantly trying to make it anyone else's job to keep her entertained. Has very much dropped out of college for #1.

But, actual event wise... I get to the trash can, and I'm thinking... oh god, not again. And so soon? Because baby #1 is about 10 months (male if it matters) at sending. Mom has already bent over backwards to handle this without destroying *my* attempts at college, and there's not a doubt in my mind my sister would have gladly gone "Surprise! Not my problem now🎊! " if I'd given her the space to do so.

Phrasing it like that feels mean, but it's been 98% mom doing it all. Diapers, feedings, you name it. If it's not cute enough for social media my sister has not put her hands on it. In my moms fantasy world this was to give my sister the chance to go back to the local college.

Now at first I didn't actually plan to say much of anything. It just... seemed risky in a way I didn't want the backlash for. But a friend of mine and her girlfriend were moving, and their planned roommate bailed, and I do very much have a job an can pay rent. The nitty gritty is way more complicated than that but I'm trying to not bog this down.

I waffle for a couple of days as I process the whole thing but I commit to thinking later and acting now about moving and by what's month 1.75 I'm planning what posters of mine to take/leave. There's been a second confirming test popping up in the trash.

I have to tell my mom, finally, that in three weeks to a month I'm gone. Slightly unsurprisingly, I get asked "Well, why? Why now?"

I did kind of think through it in advance, but honestly every other small reason just... left me? I choked HARD and y'all know the blank "ohshit" moment where you've got Nothing.

It was a messy conversation and I'm skipping a lot, but thankfully dad and sis were out to not hear it. She didn't fully believe me until I walked out the door to the new appartment, and it didn't end there technically, but I just sorta grey rocked it with the sole give that I think mom is going to collapse over this because she's not twenty some anymore chasing *us*, and I think mom wasn't processing it either until I was out the door.

Final stage, I've packed and am seconds from leaving. Mom asks one final question of "What exactly would you suggest here, if it's real, then" in that tone where it's not about getting real answers, it's about shaming me. She is scathingly told to make my sister homeless about it if she doesn't abort, so that it'll maybe motivate her to at least get child support if not put a stop to the slope of shitting them out like litters.

Roommates are fine thus far, but I'm introverted and don't really leave my room unless I need something so the space for conflicts are minimal. So I'm a week into the new apartment (thusly she's 3 to 3.25 months pregnant) when I get a heated, ranting phone call. I sure hope you can figure out who's calling that's *mad*.

First of all apparently I'm a cunt for taking the joy of announcement away from my, as she tried and got "We know." Because that is so fucking important for a college drop out on kid #2 to have, apparently.

More interestingly I'm apparently a double cunt because mom had been toying with asking me for rent, as my sister doesn't work either and babies are expensive. This was not aired to me by mom herself, but even if I hadn't asked her myself afterwards I wouldn't have doubted that part.

And I'm apparently a mega triple cunt, because (as I turned around to interrogate mom about because. What?) mom had a crystalizing moment where it did very much click to her that my sister had no intentions of stepping up in anyway shape or form. Why she's jumped straight to "you abort or gtfo" like I suggested to be an asshole didn't get cleared up to me beyond "No, no. You're right. Responsibility must be taken."

A different friend has asked where the fucks my dad in this; spinless with no opinion because if he dares to dissent he'll implode. Moving on.

I think that while I might have jumped sharks everyone else is now on a plane of drama that I don't need to follow, and should in fact be kept the fuck out of. I also think I've also hit an anger stage of this whole situation so trust in my own narrative should be cautious.

I'm gonna, like, pause the emotional train here? And mention that I'm not asking about moving out. I'll be guilty about moving out specifically when my sister sucks my dick for forgiveness (note my 20f label). But this has dropped an emotional bomb in the family and my friend groups interconnected enough that they'd've heard about it even if I said nothing, and this is now hotly debated (and most of my friends are on mute on my phone lol), and by now it's no secret the ''make her homeless'' idea first came out of MY mouth, no matter how mortifying it is that it was taken seriously on impulse arguing about it is about seven steps behind where the debate needs to be.

Again, I'm at the point of anger feeling good. She gets irresponsibly knocked up once already, drops out of college and refuses to get a job, and then runs off and does it again after dumping all real work onto other people. I think she's lost the right to have happy fun time pregnancy, and I'm here to get a (late) opinion from people decidedly more objective than anyone I can speak to rn. It's not like the pregnancy won't be here in the time this takes to move through queue.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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zvtara-was-never-canon · 2 months

Note

lets lighten to mood here a bit: what are your top 5 kataang moments?

"Top five" hahahahahahahahaahahahahahahaha, what kind of nonsense is this? I need a top 15!

#15 - Them bickering on Kyoshi Island (01x04)

This one was one my favorite scenes in the whole show, even back when I didn't really care for Kataang as a ship. It's just such a funny, accurate representation BOTH of "When you wanna hang out with your friend, but you're still too mad to talk things out" and "When your is getting attention from other people and now you're really, really jealous."

Scenes like this are why I never felt Kataang was truly one-sided, again, even back when I personally didn't like the ship - it's just so obvious that with how close they are, lots of moments that could have been purely platonic end up having a romance vibe, so the eventually romance feels way more earned.

#14 - Aang nearly cofessing his feelings to Katara (02x18)

It's a short little moment, but I like it a lot. Aang is just so shy and nervous, it's adorable - and I actually don't mind that they were interrupted because we got lots of flirting in book 3.

#13 - The first two damn episodes (01x01 & 01x02)

I know, I know, putting not one, but two whole episodes is cheating like crazy, but I don't care. Aang likes Katara IMMEDIATELY, they go penguin sliding, he offers to take her to the North Pole long before he finds out HE needs to go there, Katara is ready to throw hands with everyone for wanting to banish Aang and is then losing her mind when he is taken by the Fire Nation. Even Sokka noticed they were getting a bit too clingy for two people that just freaking met and goes "Let's save your boyfriend."

#12 - "Baby, you're my forever girl" (03x09)

This one is just HILARIOUS. It starts out looking very realistic, sweet and romantic... and is then derrailed into embarrassing teenage fantasies, and Aang clearly feels so awkward when he realizes he had just been standing there like a dumbass. The entire episode is great, but that scene is easily top 3 of the funniest moments in it.

#11 - Flirting after he gives her the necklace back (01x15)

They are freaking adorable in that scene. Aang joking around when returning the necklace to her, Katara kissing his cheek and making him blush... peak cuteness. Gets extra romantic with the added context that those necklaces are basically the same as engagement rings.

#10 - Aang finding out Katara brought him back from the dead (03x01)

Aang just looks so in awe of her in that scene, like he can barely even comprehend how someone could be so amazing. The look in his eyes, man! I can't! I CAN'T!

(And for real, how can ANYONE still have doubts that the whole "Aang needs to let go of Katar FULLY AND FOREVER, ALL DAY AND EVERYDAY otherwise the world is doomed" thing is bullshit? The show literally looked us straight in the face and said "True love/friendship saved the day because if it wasn't for it the world's last hope would be fucking dead")

#9 - Cave Of Two Lovers (02x02)

Once again I'm cheating, and once again I don't care. Katara and Aang both blushing when she suggest that they kiss, Aang trying a little too hard to act like he totally doesn't want that kiss, Katara getting offended at it, "I'm saying I'd rather kiss you than die, that's a compliment!", the light of the torches fading away as they get closer to each other, Aang looking all lovestruck after it, then them both blushing after they're out of the cave - INCREDIBLE! SHOWSTOPPING! BEAUTIFUL! ADORABLE!

#8 - Katara not wanting Aang to go into the Avatar State (02x01)

I understand why Aang going into the Avatar State to save her on this same episode gets so much attention, but this moment is criminally underrated AND what makes that other scene hit so hard.

Katara can't stand to see Aang in so much pain and rage and thus refuses to be part of that plan. She is the one putting his humanity, his feelings, and his well-being before his responsibilities as the Avatar. She'll always encourage him to do what's right and help him do what's needed to save the world - but she'd never put him in any unnecessary harm. She'd never take him granted and act like she, or anyone else, is entitled to put him through so much stress and pressure just because of his duties as the Avatar. She'd never take advantage of Aang's kindness.

When Aang went into the Avatar State, it wasn't just about the protagonist saving his love interest (which is already an epic moment) - it was a friend saving another, a survivor of genocide saing another, the hero saving an innocent person who was in harms way. And more importantly, it was someone who was constantly treated like he needed to be a soldier/weapon first, person second, saving the girl that had always been his ride-or-die from the very beginning and that had just proven yet again that she cared about HIM, not just about the Avatar and what he could do for the world.

#7 - Aang and Katara VS Pakku (01x18)

Once again, Aang and Katara showing that they both take the concept of "ride-or-die" VERY seriously. They are really excited to learn together, and Aang is so pissed off when Pakku refuses to train Katara solely because she's a girl, that he says "Fuck this guy, fuck my mission, I'm out of here." Katara, of course, then accepts dealing with that unfair situation because she knows Aang's mission is important and doesn't want to stand in the way of it, even if she obviously isn't happy about it.

Then, once Sokka gives them that idea, Aang is super eager to teach Katara everything Pakku is teaching him, because, once again, Katara's personal goal of wanting to be a badass fighter is as important to Aang as his mission to save the entire freaking world.

They're caught, everything is going to hell, and Pakku now refuses to let train either of them unless he gets an apology, and so Katara goes into fighting mode with no hesitation. Aang, the absolute sweetheart that he is, lets her know that she doesn't have to do this to get Pakku to teach him - then steps aside when she explains this is about HER, her pride and her right to knock some sense into that sour old man.

Finally, after everything is resolved, we get Pakku saying Aang should start calling her "Sifu Katara" - which leads me to:

#6 - Sifu Katara (02x09)

That. Was. So. Fucking. Cute.

Aang wants to make sure Katara knows just how much she means to him, how much he respects her as a fighter/master and we KNOW he absolutely means it, and Katara is very touched by it.

And I gotta love how comfortable they are with each other. Aang practicing waterbending and talking with her to clear his head, Katara giving him advice as to why he's struggling with earthbending AND trying to make Toph change her approach into something Katara knows works on Aang, the push and pull/ying and yang motions showing how they just click and are in harmony with each other - it isn't just AANG showing he appreciates Katara's role as his master, it's the show itself doing that.

#5 - Aang & The Painted Lady (03x03)

That boy was simping for and flirting with the Painted Lady before he even realized it was Katara, because she was a kind "spirit" that he went out of his way to mention looked REALLY pretty even though he couldn't see her face. Then, of course, he has to praise her for wanting to help the people of the village and goes on to help her blow up a whole factory.

You google the meaning of "being in love" and Aang's face is the first the thing that comes up, I swear to fucking God, I can't with this boy.

#4 - Katara threatening to end Zuko if he ever hurts Aang again (03x12)

Once again, Katara and Aang take the idea of "Ride-or-die" VERY seriously. Katara doesn't trust Zuko really changed, but she does trust Aang's judgement and knows that he has the right to choose his firebending teacher, and that they don't really have much of a choice at the moment.

But she didn't forget what Zuko nearly took away from her, and makes damn sure he knows that if he screws up again, he isn't getting a third chance.

And I gotta say, we as a fandom don't talk enough about how, much like Aang's love for his people is explicitly stated to still live on through his love for Katara, the girl he already sees as family and would eventually marry, Katara was only ever willing to kill for two people - Kya and Aang.

This is one of those moments that proof that, even if one doesn't care for the ship, NO ONE can deny just how strong their bond is and how much they mean to each other.

#3 - Finale Kiss (03x21)

Even though I think they should have officially become an item after their kiss during the invasion and that the last minute conflict of "Maybe Katara doesn't actually want to be with Aang" that we got in Ember Island Players was REALLY forced, I still love this moment.

They look so happy, so at peace. They don't even need to say anything. They just lock eyes, smile, embrace each other and kiss. It's oen of the most romantic moments not just between them, but in the whole show.

Also if anyone has a Katara doll with that dress, please mail it to me, because my inner 5-year-old cannot deal with how pretty she looked on that scene and NEEDS it to be immortalized in a doll I can put on the shelf and stare at for hours.

#2 - Aang saying Katara gives him hope (02x12)

Okay, okay, okay, OKAY, we are once again in the territory of "Even back when I didn't like the ship, I still adored this scene." It's one of the moments that I'm always super excited to reach whenever I'm watching the show yet again.

Is just so rewarding. Every single episode we are reminded that Katara has complete faith in Aang, that he gave her hope before they ever met. Yet at that moment, because of Appa's kidnaping, he can't be the Aang she knows - be that he goofy, optimistic, super affectionate friend, or the kind, super empathetic, compassionate messianic figure of the Avatar. He is too hurt and scared, so he goes from lashing out to shutting everyone off - including her. He is doing his duty, but there's little to no emotion there.

Katara keeps the team together as they cross the desert, brings Aang back to Earth when he is snapping, parts the freaking sea, and then helps bring baby Hope into the world - and thus Aang is finally Aang again, and makes sure to let his best friend know just how much she means to him.

It's a nice role-reversal, with Katara being the one put on a pedestal and Aang showing reverence. It's sweet and makes all the moments in which she shows her blind faith in him all the sweeter. It easily could have been my number one.

If it wasn't for THE Kataang moment that is:

#1 - The Dance (03x02)

How could this not be number one? It's the definition of iconic. Literally invented romance. You open up a dictionary and see a picture of this scene in the definition of "chemistry."

Katara feeling insecure because of all the attention is getting, Aang going out of his way to make sure she doesn't feel left out, the way he says "it's just you and me", the way everyone is staring at them in awe... the lighting, the music, the camera angles, the freaking choreography... their smiles, Katara blushing, the way they lock eyes, the almost kiss, Aang holding Katara as they finally stop... it's too good. Just too freaking good. 11/10, no one is doing it like them.

#pro kataang #kataang

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eddysocs · 2 months

Text

Fluff Dialogue Prompts

You may mix and match these prompts with ones on the same or different prompt lists you find on my blog when making requests. Context for the prompt(s) is always welcomed and encouraged, but not required.

🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

"I can't smile at you, I'm mad."

"Can you sing to me?"

"How do you always know exactly what I need?" "I pay attention."

"I could listen to you all day."

"For me, being happy fortunately coincides with making you happy."

"I don't think I have ever felt safer than in your arms."

"I can hardly wait to put a ring on that finger."

"Stop that broody look and come over here."

"You're very lucky I love you."

"Move in with me."

"You should know that I have asthma, just in case you intend on taking my breath away on a regular basis."

"Want to go to a museum with me and make all the paintings jealous with your beauty?"

"I might be an organ donor, but you really shouldn’t take my heart so soon."

"Have I told you I love you yet today?"

"Thank you for everything you do for me."

"You hugged me like your personal pillow."

"Have your eyes always been that dark?"

"Your body feels like home to me."

"If the Gods choose to only give us daughters, then I will gladly have as many as you are willing to give me."

"I will be happy wherever as long as it is by your side."

"What did I do to deserve such a sweet wife?"

"You're the only one who gets to call me that, you know."

"You need to know that I have grown to care for you. Deeply."

"You're always so flirty." "Just with you."

"How long have you had this planned?" "Since the moment I fell in love with you."

"Nothing makes me happier than making you smile."

"I would marry you again in a heartbeat."

"You asked if I have regrets. The answer is no, because somehow, everything I did led me to you."

"I do love you, you know. Even if I'm shit at showing it."

"See, I can play nice sometimes."

"I’ve been in love with you since the day we met."

"Did you just call me (pet name)?"

"Oh, for the love of— come over here and let me fix that."

"I honestly didn’t take you for such a gentleman."

"Your eyes…I get lost in them sometimes."

"He's/She's so pretty I think I’m going to faint."

"You should play with my hair some more."

"Well, hello, sleeping beauty. You fell asleep on me."

"Just say the word. You know I’d do anything for you."

"I heard you liked (thing), so I bought you this."

“You’ve got to go home.” “You are my home.”

"You just have this glow about you."

"I love your laugh."

"You look your cutest like this." "No I don’t, I just woke up." "I know what I said."

"You are constantly finding new ways to surprise me."

"I can keep you company until you fall asleep."

"Can I try some of your food?" "Of course. Open wide."

"This isn’t just a(n) [object], it’s a promise."

"Come back to bed."

"I think my family/friends really liked you. Maybe more than they like me."

"I can’t stop thinking about you."

"Shut up, you love me. Why else would you be here, taking care of me while I hurl into a toilet?"

"Please, never apologise for wanting to be loved."

"Aww, you remembered." "Of course I did."

"This is my boyfriend/girlfriend/fiancé(e)/husband/wife everyone!"

"If you don’t want to spend the night in an empty house, you could always come over to mine."

"One date, that’s all I’m asking for. One night to let me show you how good we could be together.”

"I'll always make time for you."

"Laundry day doesn’t mean walking around in your underwear, but for you, I’ll make an exception."

"How about a kiss before I go?"

#fluff dialogue prompts #fluff prompts

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kaiandels · 9 months

Text

Addicted 2 You (don’t you know that you’re toxic?): e.w x reader

warning: toxicity between 2 partners, smut (MDNI), mentions of an “open relationship”, and severe mild swearing.

writer’s note: just got home from uni and this is the souvenir i brought home. Proofread! actually idk

✧*̥˚ we're always like this˚✧

✧*̥˚ but you like it ˚✧

You and Ellie have been in a relationship for more than 2 years, it was like any other relationship. Really. But there were times that it would get rocky, and eventually… Rockier, if that makes sense. You never expected that this would ever happen, or if this would ever take turns for the worst. Ellie Williams was your childhood sweetheart. back then when you were kids you both used to play house, she would be the husband. And you would be the wife. Although, both of your parents never really paid much deeper attention to that context. But then again, you were both lucky enough to be raised in such an accepting household.

Ever since the 2nd year of you and Ellie’s relationship, things have turned for the worst. The constant fights, the screaming, the cursing, the throwing shit around the house fights, and always ending the fights with multiple breakups. And to add with that information, after those “multiple breakups” you both would fuck like it’s the end of the world and then it’d be okay again. Not until Ellie said that she was eventually “bored” of all the toxicity radiating from your relationship and she finally decided that she wants to see other people than you, initiating an open relationship.

Although, you agreed. You didn’t want to make it seem as if you were affected by the thought of her fucking or seeing other girls. It was definitely a pride thing.

"Can't you just listen to me? please? just this fucking once, Williams!" You said as you watched your lover staring blankly in to her phone, not paying attention to any sort of emotions you were displaying right this moment. "You're such a dick.." You whispered, finally grabbing her attention as she snapped her eyes at you. "What the fuck did you just say?" Ellie groaned, getting irritated by the second and not wanting to take you in to consideration.

“Please Ellie, won’t you just listen to me?! I’ve been trying to get you to communicate as to why you’re so upset. I’ve just gotten home and you have done nothing but ignore me.” You raised your voice, the cracking evident in your tone. Ellie scoffed at you and threw her phone over to the side, “Who was that?” Ellie asked leaning forward as her arms rested on her knees. “Who was what?” You whispered. “Don’t play coy with me, L/N. Who the fuck was on your story an hour ago?” You raised your eyebrows tilting your head over to the side. ‘So that’s what she was mad about?’ You thought to yourself.

“Ellie, her name’s Ab-“ Ellie interrupted you by raising her hands, indicating you to stop. She stood up and met with you eye-to-eye. “I don’t give a fuck about what her name is. What is she doing with my girl?” Ellie held eye-contact with you, temporarily disregarding that dumb-founded look on your face which made her angrier. “I believe that’s none of your business. We agreed that we would start seeing other people and now all of the sudden… I’m YOUR girl?” You said stepping back not wanting to get close to her face. Ellie scoffed running a hand over her face. “Didn’t think you had the guts to do it. Shouldn’t have underestimated you.” Ellie paused for a second, sitting back down and leaning on the couch with her arms hanging just by the side of her head. “Leave her. Or breakup with her. Whoever the fuck she is to you.”

“Are you- God! Ellie?! Are you fucking kidding me?” You said now stepping closer to her. “You have been bringing girls over and fucking them in- MIND YOU. Our shared bedroom and when I finally meet someone who is a decent enough partner… you ask me to breakup with them? Are you fucking crazy?!”

“That’s not what we agreed on.”

“So? You mean you’re the only one who gets to fuck other girls but I don’t?”

“No, I mean, I’m the only one who should be fucking you.”

“What- Ellie-“ You gasped as you felt Ellie’s hands on your waist, throwing you on to the couch. No remorse or gentleness evident amongst her touches. “Ellie, not this again.” You said panting as you felt Ellie tower over you. “We’re gonna talk… like adults.” You said with a hint of hesitation on your tone. “I don’t know Babe, this seems pretty adult to me.” Ellie chuckled as she ripped your dress off, throwing it over to the side. You whined in frustration as you knew that you couldn’t get yourself out of this.

“Spread.” She said tapping your thighs, you complied getting off on hearing Ellie’s muttered curses. “What was her name?” Ellie asked ripping another one of your clothes off, which was your panties. “Wha- What?” You breathed shocked at the sudden exposure and also by the sudden question. “I thought you didn’t want to know?” You whimpered as you felt Ellie cup your dripping cunt. “What was that bitch’s name?” She muttered gliding the tip of her fingers against your slit.

“Abby. Her name’s Abby.” You uttered, giving up the control you had. Or did. No, you didn’t have any control. “I want you to moan her name while I fuck you.” Your eyes widened at the comment looking up at Ellie smirking. “Is that one of your nasty kinks?” You asked in a breathy-chuckle. “No, I just want to prove a point.” You raised your eyebrows and nodded leaning back on the couch, relaxing your whole entire body.

“Fuck.. El- Abby.” You stuttered as you felt Ellie’s finger enter your cunt. “I want you to close your eyes and imagine that she’s the one fingerfucking you.” You whimpered in response as she began thrusting in and out of you. “Abby.. I don’t think it’s fair that i’m the only one naked.” You huffed feeling Ellie’s pace increase in intensity. “Who gives a fuck about what you think?” Ellie groaned as she adds another digit, almost sending you over to the edge. You squeezed your eyes shut as your mouth agape, drooling over Ellie’s fingers.

“Abbbyyyy.. so good baby..” You moaned as you felt Ellie’s fingers curl inside you. “Is that what you call her? Baby?” Ellie asked as she starts pounding her fingers deep inside you. “Mhmm.. yes.” You answered making grabby hands at Ellie, she chuckled as she lend you her hand. “Mm.. fuck Abby.” You whispered as you brought Ellie’s hand to your mouth, sucking her fingers as she continued to abuse your spot. “I want you to beg for Abby’s dick.” Ellie ordered, 3 fingers already inside you. You moaned around her fingers gripping her wrist to keep a steady rhythm. “Beg.” You hissed, feeling Ellie’s hand land on your ass. You took your fingers out of her mouth. In a breathy-tone, you complied to her request. “Abby? Please.. I want your cock inside of me. Make it hard for me? Please?” You said earning a satisfied groan from Ellie.

“Lucky fucking Abby” Ellie muttered, you kept your eyes shut. Not opening them anytime soon as you weren’t ready for a punishment. You smiled cheekily as you heard Ellie’s zipper getting undone. “You’re glad i’m not leaving you to fuck some other bitch.” Ellie said, gliding her hands up to your breast keeping a firm grip on them. “So lucky…” You replied, practically getting dumb and dumber by the second. “C’mere, let me fold you in half. Just how I like it.” Ellie huffed, her hands leaving your breast and now travelling to the back of your knees. Pushing them up far to the point that you can feel your breast bump on to your chin.

“Abby usually likes it on all-fours but… this could do.” Ellie scoffed at your remark, earning you a slap on your face. “Fuck..” You hissed feeling the sting on your cheeks. “Don’t be a smart ass.” You start laughing, getting interrupted by a sudden pound on your cunt. Realizing that Ellie has not given you any warning. “Fuck! Can’t I atleast get a warning first?” You screamed in pain and unfortunately pleasure as you felt yourself getting stretched out. “Now, why… would… I… do… that. Fuck.” Ellie says in between thrusts.

“S-so good… buh-ba-“ You babbled. Completely cock drunk. Upon the thrusting Ellie did, she felt completely euphoric. “Yeah? That feels good? Much better than all-fours right? Huh?” Ellie smirked as she leaned down to whisper in your ear. “You like that? Huh? You like that you’re going dumb because of my- fuck… cock? Hm?” Ellie whispered as her lips start to graze around your ear, making you completely weak. It’s almost as if you were just a doll that she could play with anytime she wants. “Mm.. ggha.. Ellie.” And there it was. The point that Ellie was trying to prove. “Who makes you feel this good?” Ellie pushed your legs further, basically allowing you to go face to face with your knees. The only thing that was practically visible was the slit between your legs that shows Ellie, basically beating up your cunt.

“Fucking say it. Come on baby, you can do it.” Ellie encouraged as she dug her nails deep in your calves, feeling herself get closer. “Hng.. ahh! Fuck! Ellie.. EllieEllieEllie..” You chanted. “Ma-makes me… feel… s’good” You continued to babble, basically seeing stars. “Yeah? Y’gonna come with me baby? Come on… takeittakeittakeit.” You screamed in pleasure, taking Ellie aback. “What’s wrong baby?” She said in between moans. “C-can… feel.. i-in stomach.” You stuttered grabbing her hands as you weakly placed it on the lower part of your belly. “L-look” You giggled, hiccuping as the sensation was too much which caused your body to react in shock. “T-thrust!” Ellie complied, feeling the bulge on your lower stomach against her hands. “Fuck, you’re right.” Ellie said, the tone of her laugh and moans mixing in together. “I’mgonna… cum..” You cried, feeling the knot in your stomach get tighter. The sounds of skin-slapping and the sloppy kisses Ellie was placing on your neck wasn’t helping.

“P-please.. cum inside me.” You plead. Ignoring the fact that her cumming inside you didn’t make any sense, or wasn’t even possible. “Yeah? You want me to cum inside you?” Ellie said, completely torn to the idea. “I wish I could baby… w-wish I fucking could.” Ellie groaned as she felt her high coming close too as she felt the strap graze against her clit. “Y-you can.. please? Just pleaseee..” You whined as you roll your eyes back, your tongue resting on the bottom of your lip. “Cum with me baby.. let me put a baby inside you.” Ellie said as her hips start to stutter, thrusts becoming excruciatingly sloppy. Ellie chucked as she saw your tongue was out. She leaned over and sloppily sucked on your tongue, both of you moaning as you both came.

“Woo! Fuck yeah!” Ellie laughed as she slowly pulled out. Seeing your own cum spill from your leaking hole. “Mmph..” you huffed as you noticed that Ellie’s face softened from the sound. “You okay?” She asks as she slowly studied your face. “Why do you… have to be so mean to me?” You whispered, looking at her with doe-eyes. ‘Fuck’ Ellie thought as she smiled. “I know baby, i’m the worst.” Ellie said as she finally let her weight rest on top of you. “Don’t you… know that you’re toxic?” You whispered again, your eyes slowly starting to basically shut down. “You love it.” Ellie whispered back as she saw that you were trying to keep yourself awake. “Sleep.” She said, feeling very sleepy aswell. “Will you leave again? Like last time?” You mumbled, wanting to get it over with so you wont wake up with pain like the last time. “I don’t feel like it this time.” Ellie said covering your eyes with her hands.

“I love you, Els”

“Likewise.”

Special Tag: @ximtiredx

#ellie tlou #ellie williams #ellie x reader #ellie x fem reader #ellie x y/n #the last of us #female reader #lesbian #tlou #tlou fic #tlou fanfiction #ellie smut #smut #toxic relationship #ellie the last of us #lgbtqia #Spotify

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joyce-stick · 1 year

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The Beef Stroganoff Song! (arbitrary subtitle discourse edition)

So, you may have noticed here that the subtitles in this clip (from Symphogear GX episode 3) are fairly different from what you're used to seeing when people post this video, and the phrasing in the subtitles is fairly different from what the associated memes often say

For those who don't know, Symphogear got itself released on blu-ray by Discotek, and with that came with a new translation authored by Noelle (@ulsairi on twitter ) who is notable for being the only trans lesbian anime translator I know of off the top of my head.

Her translation appears, in my opinion, really rather polished and very good, and I strongly appreciate the way it's written and how much character it adds to the dialogue by giving everyone distinct voices and adapting things into more natural English. It's also a fair bit gayer. I haven't encountered many people who've seen these subs, but I think most fans of the series would consider these a net positive change. There are some people who are mad about these subtitles, and they can die mad.

Anyway, let's talk about the different phrasing of the beef stroganoff song. I'm mostly going to compare to Crunchyroll's subtitles for reference since that seems to be what most others go off of. Here's a link to that version.

So right off the bat we can see here that while CR's translation appears to be a lot more, for lack of a better word, functional, Noelle's translation tries to apply more dialectal force "it's beef stroganoff/Yes! It's THAT beef stroganoff!" And generally communicate through the tone how excited the girls are to get started. Additionally you'll see throughout that the latter is a fair bit more lyrical, there's a lot more punctuation and verbal tics and filler phrases written into the dialogue to express that they are singing, which makes sense since Japanese tends to omit a lot of the sorts of prepositions that Noelle threw in here,

Like, Yumi (yes I went and looked up her name on the wiki) just says "beef stroganoffu" because it's obvious from context that it is beef stroganoff, she doesn't need to spell it out, at least, not in Japanese

(We know like maybe ten hiragana and 1 kanji do not trust us on Japanese this is all just basic shit we learned from online guides)

So this probably leads to a rushed translator from Crunchyroll (they are notoriously crunched for time) who's just trying to Get It Done probably not really bothering to throw in extra additional connecting letters to express the tone of the character, only doing so when it's required to make basic grammatical sense in the target language. So they likely didn't think to make the subtitles have flourishes like this that aren't explicitly in the original Japanese. Noelle meanwhile had the time to consider things like this and take such liberties in order to attempt to convey the same tone that was arguably implied by the Japanese, even if not explicitly put forth

And that's about all the things I should not repeat I guess, TL;DR, these subtitles are more fun to read because the translator had more time to think about the best way to make them more fun while still being accurate to the spirit of the original dialogue, who'd have thought!

(In case you're wondering, the Commie subtitles say kind of the same thing here, and y'know, it doesn't seem like a wrong translation, but also I really dislike this subtitle styling, orange on pink with that font and that drop shadow is just kinda bad. I appreciate the effort but like. Come on. Please fansubbers, please think about if the font and colors you chose actually work with the image you're putting them on)

Moving on!

horizontal and middle rhyme with each other so you can almost actually sing this, actually let me take a moment to try it right now- never mind, I can't sing. Hahaha. I don't actually think it lines up that well with the melody But I thought it did! Didn't I? That's significant, that this actually reads like plausible lyrics to a silly song someone made up instead of a literal translation of a Japanese song

Anyway, here comes the first major difference!

So in the Crunchyroll subtitles, Yumi says "it doesn't have to be beef" which in English (in my estimation) sounds a tad scatterbrained, like, "oh yeah sure beef but whatever really it doesn't actually matter," while Noelle's subtitles rather say "Got no beef? Don't you worry!" Which implies something different.

"It is recommended to use beef, but you may substitute something else if you are sorely lacking in beef" as opposed to "Oh the beef doesn't actually matter, zoinks lol!" CR's translation is kind of a bit funnier in how it sorta comes from nowhere without this qualification, which probably lead to this phrase's memeticness, but Noelle's translation seems more reasonable to me so yeah again, tada, yay for sensicalness.

Now here's another interesting change:

Again, the flat manner in which the CR subtitles say "finish with salt" with rendezvous only being included because that's literally what they said, is sort of absent any stronger emotional implication,

Noelle's translation meanwhile going with "don't forget them, they need it" imparts personhood upon the salt and pepper. The implication being that the girls are saying, "the salt and pepper are in love, please reunite them, they must be in gay love together." Or maybe you think the salt and pepper cannot be forgotten and must be reunited because they are Only Friends.

Whether you choose to believe that this is the salt and pepper getting married, or merely subtext, or an interpretation, or salt and pepper shipping bait, this is a deeply important tonal indicator because it reminds you that these girls are ultimately playing with their food!

"And there, now you're in for a treat!" I don't think I need to explain this one.

Now, here's an interesting one!

In the Crunchyroll subtitles, it just says the memetic "boys don't know this." With no context, no elaboration, no clarity, no qualifiers. Boys don't know. Did the boys magically get their brains wiped? Are the boys biologically incapable? Who knows. Nothing is said but that.

Noelle's subtitles, on the other hand, qualify this statement by saying "Boys aren't taught to cook, so they may not know" (And note again how, it says "kno-ow" to emphasize, once more, that they're singing, and also this lines up with the long "ooooo" sound they make at the end of this lyric, so cool)

There is now context! Boys aren't taught to cook! Anime and Japan's culture in general still pigeonholes people into gender roles! And an anime translator just wrote you a hidden translation note about it! You might be a boy, you might know how to cook, but certain boys in another part of the world aren't traditionally taught cooking, so they may not know

They may not, but they could!

Trust a trans person to express gender facts with subtle nuances like this in anime translations.

And with that lovely bit of good translation and good writing and good localization of a thing to make it make sense to people

Mew!

#symphogear #symphogear gx #beef stroganoff #translation discourse #boys dont know this #(or rather THEY MAY not)#(but could if they were told how!)#you know it from anime and manga #audrey (of the joystick system) posts

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genericpuff · 6 months

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Hope you don't mind my asking but do you mind elaborating on why you don't like Mongie too much? I know all about why everyone dislikes Let's Play itself. There are various videos and post upon post online tearing it to shreds with criticism but I've not heard much about the creator herself like I do Rachel Smythe. Does she also run into the same issues that Rachel does or is her behavior different but equally questionable/annoying?

It's kinda equally questionable, kinda different. They both have the same issues of like, fetishizing youthfulness and creating unhealthy power dynamics. They also haven't done a great job at depicting POC in their comics, you can tell they're written by white women who don't understand other cultures but are trying to make their series more "progressive" by including stand-ins for representation.

That said, considering Let's Play is set in a real world setting, the POC characters (and the casually racist issues in their writing) are a lot more obvious than in LO (where you have to know the context that the neon-colored nymphs are based on POC to really realize that they're lower class POC people who are getting the shit end of the stick from the rich upper class main protagonists).

And I don't even mean in the usual "there aren't any POC in this comic" or "the POC in this comic are stereotypical/poorly written", I mean in the sort of white-victim-complex "I added in other ethnicities and people got mad at me anyways so what more do you want!" kind of way (paired with the "they're poorly written and stereotypical" aspect).

Dean is a good example of the stereotypical designing and writing, IIRC he's a Hispanic man but he's written like some Spanish soap opera character who flirts with every woman he sees and always has rose petals falling around him.

Even in that sentence he says "part Asian" which is weird because he's looking for Marshall who's supposed to be his best friend and it's been established in the comic that Marshall is half-Japanese, but that brings us to the other instance of mongie being casually (if not directly) racist and even more so than with Dean...

Apparently mongie thought it was a good move to say that it was "more inclusive" to make Vikki only vaguely Asian. Which is just... so not true LOL Asia is an entire continent made up of MANY different cultures and ethnicities and so generalizing all of them to just "Asian" is not a great take from someone who's trying to seem "more inclusive".

But of course, when her community called her out on this and asked her to elaborate, she and her mod team basically dug their heels in and made up excuses that made mongie out to be a victim instead of just acknowledging she made an error that didn't connect well with members of her audience.

And theeen in comes mongie ready to torch the place. Note that up until this point, it's basically been her mod team speaking up on her behalf and giving her benefit of the doubt, so when mongie DID get her chance to speak, she jumped right to:

"FINE, SHE'S HALF CHINESE HALF KOREAN THEN, STFU AND STOP ANALYZING ME WHEN I INCLUDE CHARACTERS FROM RACES THAT DON'T ALIGN WITH MY OWN !!!" (╯‵□′)╯︵┻━┻ is very much the vibe people got from this, understandably so. It's also odd (and extremely privileged) for her to say that she'd "rather focus on a character's personality and not their race" because it's very "I don't see color" which has been proven to be counterintuitive to understanding and celebrating different races.

And then we get a lot of self-victimizing "well I can't win no matter what so you people are ungrateful and actually it's MY feelings that are hurt" excuses:

Again it's weird because she had NO problem specifying that Marshall was half-Japanese and she didn't make him into any sort of weird stereotype like she did with Vikki. So I don't know why she's having such a hard time grasping that being vaguely Asian for Vikki isn't inclusive.

Although, let's be real here, the only reason Marshall is half-Japanese at all is because he's a self-insert of Markiplier, a half-Korean Youtuber who mongie apparently worked for on payroll as a graphic designer prior to Let's Play. Which is just a whole layer of ick that I think surpasses even Rachel Smythe and Mads Mikkelson. Like the Rachel and Mads thing is definitely creepy and weird because she's literally drawn herself - an adult woman nearing her 40's - being swept off her feet by a smoochy-faced Mads. But at least she didn't work for the guy or ever interact with him directly like mongie did with Markiplier. That's a whole separate level of "ew".

That said, mongie continues:

Which is just such a half-assed non-apology. Not "I'm sorry for misrepresenting a culture" or "I'm sorry I didn't do proper research", but "I'm sorry people think I'm being insensitive or that they need specific representation in my work that I'm claiming to be representation to be good". Completely shifting the blame from herself onto her audience for not being happy with the bare minimum that she gave them.

There's more though. Probably one of the worst parts and it's not even her, but one of her mods:

The fact that this is one of mongie's mods telling mongie's audience that her feelings - as a white woman who's just legitimately patronized her audience - are more valid than the people whose feelings were hurt by mongie being so insensitive... it's a real gross move and I can't believe they even pulled that.

Oh, and of course, as people like this tend to do, she goes on about "cancel culture" and how "terrifying" it is to her and then comes up with some imaginary scenario where a kid pays a hitman to kill her ?? as a defense for herself that really just further victimizes herself over her own misled actions ??

And this is something mongie does a lot, at least in this instance - she comes up with justifications for her decisions based on completely imaginary scenarios that she came up with and assumed, rather than just, idk, doing her research and being open to learning new things about cultures she's clearly not educated on. Shit like "well if I do xyz you'll be mad at me anyways so fuck you!"

When in reality? No one would have been mad at her if she didn't have any non-white characters in her comic. Would readers be disappointed? Probably. But - and I can't speak for everybody out there obviously so this is just my opinion - I know I'd much rather representation from someone who wanted to represent my respective groups and identities and put love and effort into it, than get it from someone who was just doing it because they made up a scenario in their head that they would be cancelled for not doing it. No one really has any tangible ground to stand on if they get mad at you for writing a cast of all-white characters you wanted to write, there are plenty of webtoons like that on the platform. We do need more stories that uplift and represent POC voices, but it shouldn't be from white victim complex people who only do it to virtue signal and ensure they don't get "cancelled". You know what WILL get you cancelled? Attempting to write other ethnicities and racial groups purely based on stereotypes for the sake of "representation" and then getting mad when people ask you to be a little more specific than "Asian".

Oh yeah, and then have your mods censor/delete any mentioning of educational resources regarding Asian cultures, and then essentially dox one of your community members by revealing their Twitter to the entire Discord group to boot!

oh boy mongie, if you think THAT'S drama, wait until you see the shit I do here LMAO

#so yeah that's the tea on mongie #don't write characters outside of your own worldview if you aren't prepared to do the research #it's OKAY if you're white and only familiar with writing white characters #just don't go writing POC or other ethnicities and then acting like a martyr over it when people call you out for it being badly done #bare minimum stereotypical vague representation is just as harmful as no representation #webtoon critical #ama #ask me anything #anon ama #anon ask me anything

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raythekiller · 10 months

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Hi, I've been reading your works and I'm envious. Your scenarios and headcanons are so cool :D I was wondering if you could make a headcanon for the creeps living with a Latina recruit who is sassy but caring to the point she (or they) will aggressively take care of someone if they aren't feeling well. Hope it isn't too much out of your comfort zone. Have a good day and take care

<3333

🗒 ❛ Sassy But Caring Latinx! Reader ༉‧₊˚✧

Featuring: Jeff The Killer, Ben Drowned, Ticci Toby, Eyeless Jack, Masky

#Notes: as a dad friend sassy latino myself this one was right up my alley ty

pronouns used: none

˗ˏˋ back to navigation ´ˎ˗

꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Jeff The Killer

You definitely give him a lot of shit. When you first arrive he's all cocky thinking he has a new victim, but then as soon as you opened your mouth, boom, he got dragged. Since he's quite the troublemaker, you'll probably be screaming at him a lot.

"¡Jeff! ¿Que chingado estás hacendo?"

"Slender, the new recruit is speaking tongues again!"

Secretly thinks it's kinda hot when you speak Spanish. The rolling r's just do something to him. While he's absolutely not gonna try to learn it, he ends up picking up a thing or two just from hearing you and the context of the situation. Can't speak it to save his life, though. Still, he makes fun of your language all the time.

"What, you forgot English already?"

Also, he's like, terrible with self care. Not as bad as Ben, but still pretty bad. Doesn't shower for days and hates drinking water. You'll have to threaten him with a chancla to get him to actually take some care of himself.

"¡Jeffrey Woods, chingada madre, limpia tu habitación!"

"You can't fucking make me!"

꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Ben Drowned

Little mister Hasn't Showered, Slept Or Eaten In A Week over here. I swear, this guy is helpless. Spends all his time cupped up in his room playing videogames and eating nothings but trash like some kind of fucking raccoon. You'll have the hardest time trying to take care of him.

"Ben, how long has it been since the last time you showered?"

"Uhmm... I don't know, about 9 days?"

" *sighs in spanish* "

Genuinely terrified of you when you get mad and start cussing in Spanish. He'll clean his room, he promises, just please put the chancla down!

Will actually be really happy if you make him Hispanic food. Not only does it taste good, but you made it for him because you care about him, and that means the world. He can't handle spicy stuff though, so be careful.

꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Ticci Toby

Not too bad in general when it comes to taking care of himself, but he does just... Forget to eat. All the time. He will just suddenly get light headed and remember he hasn't eaten a bite of food in the last 3-4 days. Another one who loves if you make him Hispanic food, but unlike Ben, he likes his shit extra spicy. Probably one of the only creeps who will try to learn Spanish to understand you better, even if you're fluent in English.

"H-hola, Y/N. Como- como estás?"

"Estoy bien, pero no necessitas hablar conmigo en español, chulo."

Yes, you call him "chulo". He will also listen to the music and just try to learn more of the culture in general to make you feel more welcome. Overall, genuinely puts in an effort in taking better care of himself so you don't have to worry about him as much.

꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Eyeless Jack

I'd be surprised if he didn't know Spanish already, which was probably a bit of a shock to you, but a good one nonetheless. He's not normally into gossip, but there's something extremely funny about talking shit about someone while they're right there and they have no idea what you're saying.

"Jeff es tan jodidamente estúpido."

"Sí, ¿verdad?"

"The FUCK you two talkin about?"

You won't have to worry about him much, he takes basic care of himself unlike most of the others. If anything, he's scolding rhe others WITH you. You're basically the parents of everyone else at this point.

꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Masky

Has the biggest fucking crush on you and will forever be mad about it. I said this in the ideal S/O post - he needs someone who gives him shit but also looks out for him and the others. The fact that latino people are extra hot is just a bonus. Unfortunately, this also means he's extra mean to you.

"Tienes que dejar de fumar. Te va a joder los pulmones así."

"Sorry, doll, I don't speak 'freak'."

Like Jeff, secretly thinks it's hot when you speak in your language. Hates when you scold him, loves it when you scold others, especially if you get extra mad and start cussing in Spanish. It's just amusing to him. Plus, you make things easier for him now that he's not the only one parenting these weirdos and he's genuinely glad you came along.

#creepypasta #creepypasta headcanons #creepypasta x reader #ray.writes #jeff the killer #ben drowned #ticci toby x reader #eyeless jack #ticci toby #jeff the killer x reader #ben drowned x reader #eyeless jack x reader

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raainberry · 6 months

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Moonflower - III

« In literature, the moonflower has been used as a symbol of love, mystery, and enchantment. »

Sana x gn!reader

Okay maybe it’s angst this time

synopsis - your job is still flowers. she's still not sure how she got into this mess. but maybe you could get her out of it.

- part I - part II -

wordcount - 3.4K

TW - like three (3) of the same soft cuss word

A/N - here is my first piece of work that made me cry out of frustration (we will be blaming emo hours). now if you saw my breakdown live on the tl two days ago, no you didn’t. and if you saw my update yesterday saying this very thing would be up later that day, no you didn’t either. i fell asleep, your girl was running on three hours of sleep (wonder why🥰) it happens to the best of us SORRY. hope you enjoy it though! im actually not too mad at how it turned out🤭

“How would your wedding look like?” She asked, taking a sip of her water bottle.

You chuckled softly at the question, wondering what had prompted it apart from the obvious.

“I haven’t thought about that.” You answered truthfully.

“Not even once?”

“No.”

“You’re lying.” She said, convinced of her own words.

“Am I?”

“You’ve helped hundreds of people with their own.” She pointed out. “It’s impossible not to think of what yours would look like.”

“I help them choose flowers. I’m not organizing their entire reception.” You argued.

“Then you probably thought about that much.”

You turned to her.

She was right, but you weren’t lying either.

Flowers were the only thing you’d envisioned so far.

“So which is it gonna be?” She insisted.

“Moonflowers.” You answered, making her chuckle.

“I could have guessed that.”

“Yet you haven’t.”

You fully expected the way she rolled her eyes at you before looking away to focus on the dark horizon.

A small, comfortable silence settled between the two of you. One of many throughout this spontaneous outing, and with each one, you seemed to appreciate them a little more.

Because they never seem to last with her.

“I’ll get the moonflowers.” She blurted out, cutting the moment short yet again.

“What?”

“For the wedding.” She said, almost shrugging as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Given the context, it was, but still… You stayed silent, thinking back to the very reason you were even sitting beside her at the moment.

The two of you were parked at the top of some small hill overlooking part of the town, laying against the windshield of your car and sitting on top of the hood.

All your problems seemed so small up there, barely even deserving of a thought. The afternoon you just spent together did wonders for your souls.

She had asked you to drive around before going back home. That somehow lead you to hours of wasting gas and money at random shops, most of which you’d never even heard of.

The more you followed her around, the more it all felt like a getaway. Not in the idyllic sense, rather in the literal one. You could tell she was avoiding her apartment. Obviously you had an idea as to why, and maybe that’s what pushed you to give in to every single one of her requests.

It was nice doing things she wanted.

Sana eventually realised that was the true reason why she delayed returning to her apartment over and over. She couldn’t care less about the man living there with her, nor about whether or not he was actually waiting for her there.

She just didn’t want it to stop. The feeling of mattering. Of being considered. Being seen. Heard.

Her smile slowly returned as hours went by, justifying everything you’d done for her in so little time. It gave you purpose, proving you weren’t losing your mind in vain.

Because boy did she drive you insane.

Was she really still going through with it all?

“Why don’t you choose your own?” You asked her, trying to distract yourself from your own thoughts.

At the end of the day, it was none of your business. It wasn’t your decision to make.

“Possessive much?” She teased, and you straightened yourself up. The top of this hood suddenly felt uncomfortable.

“Not necessarily. But the only way you’re getting moonflowers at your wedding is by marrying me.”

That’s what you heard yourself say just seconds later.

You’d mumbled it to yourself, letting your old flirting skills and days get the best of you for some reason. You looked at her, hoping she hadn’t heard or at least not enough to get it.

A second passed. Then two. Three.

The lack of questioning was alarming, and in good reason.

You had managed to make her speechless. Unwillingly, yes, but it only made it that much more unbelievable.

Even thinking she couldn’t do, as if her mind had short-circuited at the thought of marrying someone else than the man she’d been conditioned to.

“It was a joke.” You finally spoke up, hoping to break her out of her trance.

It was the truth. It might have been borderline flirting, but the main goal was humor. You were technically joking.

But still. All she did was blink.

Maybe she needed help at finding words, that’s why her lips suddenly fell on yours, right? To steal them from you?

You mentally chuckled at your ridiculous thought process, ashamed of it as if it had been heard by the whole world. Good thing it faded out with each one of her kisses.

She was efficient, you’ll give her that. However what stuck with you was how soft, how delicate her lips were against yours. It debilitated all cognitive functions of your brain. The power was out for at least three seconds at one point. You couldn’t think straight, kissing her back as if you were supposed to.

As if she were yours to begin with.

It’s unclear how long it took for you to gain enough sense back, all you knew was that feeling her bite down on your bottom lip did the trick.

The faint pain as she tugged on it ever so softly snapped you back to reality, warning you about what would come if you didn’t pull away in the next second.

You felt your heart race as it all sunk in.

The one thing you had told yourself not to fall into earlier that day… A trap that seemed so obvious it managed to fool you. You practically jumped into it.

As much as you danced around it, you knew what you were here for. What you’d agreed to. What she wanted you for.

You knew you were just a pawn in her vendetta from the start. She’d made it very clear. So why did the whole idea just dawn on you now?

Maybe you’d turned a blind eye for as long as you could, you couldn’t say to save your life. All you knew was that you didn’t like it one bit.

So when she went for another kiss, leaning in to capture your swollen bottom lip, you made sure she never reached it.

That earned you a confused look from her, as if it were the first time her kiss was denied. The sight would have been amusing, if only you didn’t feel so torn yourself…

Your gaze reflected that to Sana, and she had a hard time figuring out what exactly was it that was so wrong.

Though she could at least tell you were tormented, it was only confirmed when you jumped off the hood.

She watched as you started to walk away from the car and further into the darkness surrounding you.

Where the hell were you going? You were basically in the middle of nowhere.

“Y/N!”

The sound of the rocks and dirt beneath your shoes faded out as you came to a halt, feeling her eyes burning into your back.

“Where are you going?”

You turned around, seeing she had stepped off the hood too, and taken a few steps towards you.

“I’m going home.” You told her, tearing your eyes off her as you started walking away again.

“So you’re leaving me alone in some hilltop at night in the middle of nowhere?”

No, you weren’t.

You made sure to brush right past her on your way back, though, heading straight into the driver’s seat.

Slamming the door behind you, you let out a heavy sigh you were sure she’d heard from outside. It took longer than you’d have liked for her to join you, only sitting in the passenger seat after making sure you’d calmed down.

Not a word from her. Not a sound from you. Only your clothes rubbing together as your leg showed itself to be restless.

You refused to look at her. She didn’t like the attitude, but a part of her could understand. So she didn’t say anything, and stared out her own window in silence.

As minutes went by, your anger and frustration slowly get overcome by a familiar sensation.

Greed. You wanted to know.

Nothing about this woman concerned you. Yet you wanted to know more. You needed to.

The feeling appeared as soon as she’d spoken up at the flower shop, and now it managed to appear without a single word from her.

It was only days ago. The speed of it all was frightening.

Yet you couldn’t help how curious the still silhouette in the corner of your eye made you. What was she thinking about now?

The wedding? Her fiancé? Herself? You?

Turning to look at her, you watched her through a calmer mind as your questions grew in number despite yourself.

“What’s on your mind?” You finally spoke up.

Your voice was louder than you remembered. It startled her, but she hid it well before meeting your gaze.

“Nothing you’d care about.”

You frowned internally. The same feeling as back in the flower shop again. You felt it back when she sat down beside you on the hood earlier too.

She was close. She was pretty. So pretty.

You suddenly felt jealous, and that pretty much signed off on the insanity of this situation you’d somehow put yourself in. Or maybe she’d dragged you in it, who cares, it wasn’t important anymore.

“Don’t get married.”

You whispered this time, but the words were still loud.

Sana closed her eyes, and the silence that followed was loud enough to stress about it. Your words had slipped out again, but this time you found nothing to cover them up with.

Partly because you didn’t even want to cover them up.

Her eyes opened again, allowing the cheap lighting outside to reflect on those beautiful brown eyes. You were in awe at that point. Tired, but still able to appreciate such a pretty sight.

“You’re so unfair.”

You snapped out of your trance at the sound of your own thoughts echoing through her lips.

“What?”

“You know why I brought you here, right?”

Her gaze fixated far ahead while you could only focus on hers. You weren’t trying to make her look at you, though. You were only trying to see what she was seeing.

“Answer me.” She ordered, attempting to conceal the weakness in her voice.

“I do.” You admitted.

“Then help me.” She pleaded. “I can’t do it alone.”

“I’m trying to.” You assured her. “Ever since you stepped into the shop, that’s all I’ve done.”

“Then why did you pull away?”

You sighed once more, finding interest out the windshield as well. Your lips parted without sound for a second, debating on whether or not you should let these words slip out too…

“I don’t want to be your scapegoat.”

Sana swallowed the knot in her throat. The truth was a little hard, but it remained. You were right.

She didn’t plan on kissing you earlier. That alone could have proven your worries to be wrong. However, everything she managed to think about as soon as her lips touched yours… It all gave you more than one reason to worry.

Giving in to desire was weak on her part. Part of her regretted it. It threw away all her hopes of ever pulling the spectacular revenge she dreamed about.

So she had to think of a backup plan.

What she managed to come up with was simple, deprived of any details she would normally be able to think of. Infatuation only allowed her to think of the big picture, while she focused on satisfying her desire.

By that point, she did plan on sleeping with you. She did plan on letting her fiancé find out. And after that, she did plan on throwing you under the bus if things ever got too much to handle.

Now that her mind was given time to properly think, she realised something very upsetting.

This so called backup plan was none other than her inital one. One she’d made up in the lowest point of her life, all out of hope and lost in purpose.

She was back at square one.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered, making you look back at her.

Her eyes were closed, and you found out it was a weak attempt at stopping the tears from rolling down her cheeks.

The sight of them surprisingly left you indifferent. You stared at her in silence for a few long seconds, unsure of what to do, or say.

You were hesitant, but you were far from heartless.

Your index finger ended up reaching for her jaw, catching the salted droplet before it stained the fabric of her pants below. The one on the other side of her face might have, but that wasn’t something to worry about for either of you.

Sana’s mind was stuck on your finger lingering on her sharpest bone. The feeling of your skin against hers, of a touch as innocent as this one… It was conflicting.

She opened her eyes, catching yours by surprise. She expected you to, but you didn’t look away this time. That allowed her to notice the color of your eyes for the first time.

She couldn’t tell you why she got stuck on such a detail, and to be honest, she didn’t feel the need to find a reason.

She could, so she did. Something else she hadn’t been able to do in a long while.

And it felt good.

“Y/N…”

Your jaw clenched at the sound. Your name sounded so pretty enlaced in that sweet voice of hers…

You felt your breath catch in your throat as you anticipated her next words. The flutter in your chest made itself known again as the adrenaline left little room for shock when she’d eventually say them.

“Do you still want to sabotage a wedding?”

A heavy sigh freed the breath that had caught in your throat.

It dawned on you yet again. Hearing those words for a second time… You were going in circles. This really was nothing but a trap.

You didn’t know if she’d done it on purpose, if she lured you in or if she was just as stuck as you were—Hell, you didn’t even care.

You just needed to get out while you could.

So your hand found the key in the ignition, and it took no time for you to start the car up.

The sound of the engine revving as you prepared to leave triggered something in the woman sitting next to you. Something that made her heart race as she began mumbling something.

It seemed as though she was repeating something under her breath, her gaze out in the dark around you and absent like she’d retreated within her own mind.

Her words were loud enough for you to notice she was saying something, but not enough to understand it.

You froze at the scene, unsure if you should hear her out, reassure her or step on the gas. It was obvious what you should do, yet you couldn’t bring yourself to.

So she made you do it herself.

“I don’t want to go back!” She yelled over the engine, and grabbed onto your arm.

You let go of the key, her fingers tightening around your forearm as her eyes looked for yours.

“I don’t want to go back.” She repeated, her voice barely a whisper.

Your eyebrows furrowed, something you could only feel as your body reacted to her once more. You didn’t know what hurt more; seeing the tears pool in her eyes as she struggled to hold them back or her nails digging though the fabric and into your skin.

“Please...”

You couldn’t answer as something on her hand distracted you from the pain. Something shiny. A glimmer on her ring finger—most likely diamonds. Might as well have been rocks; it held no value in that so called promise between her and that man. At the least it didn’t for one of them.

You looked back at the bearer, your jaw tense as you thought. Your mind flashed back to mere moments ago. Why was she still wearing it? She had no right to. Not after leaving such betrayal on your lips.

“Then take it off.” You spoke up, your voice hoarse as if you’d been yelling for liberation.

Her mind was shaken, desperate to see through eyes that looked so unfamiliar now.

Your gaze was stern. It all looked blurry, as if you’d built a wall in front of what she had access to just moments ago…

“What?”

“The ring, Sana. Take it off.”

She barely glanced down at her own hand before looking back at you. The chuckle tasted bitter on your tongue.

“You can’t even face it.”

“That’s all I’ve been telling you.” She let out a defeated sob. “Why don’t you just do it for me?”

You looked back down at her hand, and her gaze followed yours to land there as well. She hated the sight of it. It felt as though it had been there forever.

All she dreamed about was taking it off.

All you had to do was take it off.

So you did, and finally slipped the ring off her finger, holding it between two of your own.

She mindlessly watched as your thumb and index rolled it around to observe it above the steering wheel. All that pain. All that torment. All because of a single, shiny metal ring.

“Doesn’t it feel lighter?” You spoke in an attempt to pull her out of her own mind. The last thing she needed was to get lost in it.

“I…” She trailed off, looking down at her hand, and finally seeing her finger naked in what felt like a lifetime. “It does.”

You trapped the jewel inside your fist, sighing as you leaned back against the back of your seat.

“What are you going to do now?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well…” Your hand found the commands of the automatic windows, pushing the button to roll yours down. “Whatever you do, you take care of yourself.”

Most people would have asked what the hell you were doing. If that ring didn’t hold any sentimental value, financially, it still held its own.

Not Sana, though. She didn’t seem phased by your action as she watched it land who knows where.

“Wait…” She trailed off, rewinding your words. “Are you not going to stick around?”

“I did all I could, Sana.” You started, your eyes focused out the open window as a breeze helped to dry off the tears before they even formed. “I kept my word and helped you. I took it off. But you’re gonna need to face him yourself.”

“But I can’t do it alone—“

“You have to.” You snapped, turning back to look at her. You ignored her lips parted in surprise, and continued. “If what I’ve learned about you in this short time is true, it’s the only way you’ll ever be free.”

“What have you learned?”

“Nothing.” You scoffed. “That’s why you have to do it. You’re the only one who actually knows how to deal with this. I can be by your side all you want, but I’ll never be any help. No one ever will.”

Your rant caused a small sob to escape her lips, and she ignored your surprise when she reached for your hand. You could only let her again, allowing yourself to relish in her touch and find pleasure in your body’s reactions to it.

You looked down at your joined hands, watching her intertwine them. You found yourself responding to her touch, your fingers closing around hers.

“Then at least stay.”

You softly caressed the top of her thumb, giving yourself some time to actually think before agreeing this time.

“On one condition.” You said, finding her eyes.

“What is it?”

You glanced down at your tangled hands.

It was an insane thing to look at. To feel. It didn’t make any sense. You’d only met her three days ago. You’d only spent an afternoon, part of an evening with her.

Yet so much happened. So much was felt.

You blinked, and her hand was still in yours. It felt good. But it lacked warmth.

It was telling.

At that moment in time, deep down, you knew this wouldn’t last.

Maybe you’ll part ways right after she’d break the engagement off. Maybe you’ll date and break up once you realise it was all comfort and reassurance disguising as love and affection. Maybe she won’t even break the engagement off.

Whatever the reason, you knew you wouldn’t see her at your wedding.

So you had to make one last thing clear.

“I keep the moonflowers.”

#twice x reader #sana x reader #sana imagines #twice imagines #twice sana #minatozaki sana

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 8 days

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AITA for not playing piano in front of my family?

Well it's a silly one but every time it happens I feel more and more like the asshole.

My mom is a musician teacher and she played the piano professionally since she was a child. She grew up in a strict country with strict parents so I guess this is the only way she knew how to act.

Idk if she wanted me to be a famous pianist or something but she forced me and my bro to learn it since we were 3 or 4 or something.

I hated it. I hated it so much. It was always difficult and classical musics. She would always make us cry because she got really angry when we made mistakes (not like hitting angry just shouting angry).

As years passed by, she realized the justification of "you'll thank me in the future" was not worth it for us or for her (the classes gave her a lot of stress also at the time).

Honestly, I do thank her. I realized that I love to sing and have a really good voice if I may say, and I can use the piano to accompany me or I am good enough to learn musics I want to play by myself with all that I learned from her.

Now I'm an adult and I'm currently doing a major in something else but I think I'll never stop singing. My family loves it and loves music and I love to be on stage or sing to others so it's been a win win situation for little less than a decade.

Sry for the long post that was the context.

Ok I have a piano in my living room of the apartment I have with my parents and bro

I really like to play it while singing in a discord music server. But I can only do it when I'm alone at home.

Idk why but everytime I play the piano and my mom is near me watching I start getting anxious and just refuse to play in front of her.

This kinda extended to the rest of the family at home recently.

Like singing I can do whenever but the playing piano part is a no no. And honestly I feel like such an asshole.

My mom doesn't say anything nor the rest of my family. But they try to give me space when I'm playing by entering the apartment quickly and going to their rooms to leave me by myself for how long I'd like. But for me everything is already ruined(?) and I just go to my room after a few minutes.

They try to encourage me saying that they will go to their rooms and that I can relax and I feel bad that I'm kinda guilting them into messing up the music or stoping me from having fun just because they are around

It happened again today and I'm so mad at myself. It only happens specifically when I'm playing piano on a discord call. For the rest I'm fine with it. I can play if my mom or my bro asks, or by myself. But I love doing singing calls so all the time I use the piano in the living room is for this.

Like, I can see that the classes affected me a bit. But cmon, it's been years now, I'm a freaking adult. It's been so long that I feel that Im just being an asshole at this point

Am I being the asshole for not playing the piano when my family is at home?

Also, writing this ask made me a bit mad at myself again so I'm thinking of doing a discord call test while my mom is at the living room and try to get used to it. If this gets posted I'll tell how it went.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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call-me-maggie13 · 1 year

Text

What’s it like working in a male-dominated environment where everyone is between the ages of 17 & 24? I’m so glad you asked.

“Hey, how do I professionally tell [district manager] this ain’t it, Chief?” - my 19yr old site manager

“Bug race. Bug race. Bug race. Bug race.” - this chant went on for 40 minutes while they scoured for bugs to race in a maze they’d built

“Is my [literally anything] supposed to do this? {proceeds to show themselves doing something that they definitely should not be able to do} It kinda hurts when I do.”

[random screaming]

“What would happen if I ate this?”

{new guy tries to be chivalrous and hold the door for me} “dude, why’d you do that?”

“Because gentlemen hold the doors for ladies?”

“Man, she ain’t a lady. She’s Maggie. Doesn’t count.”

“Pulp fiction isn’t even a good movie.” - this got me kicked out of the group chat for three weeks

In the group chat: [monkey meme] [monkey gif] [monkey stock photo] [monkey trivia fact] [monkey video] [link to monkey video on YouTube] “munky munky”

“Maggie, my girl is mad at me and I can’t figure out why.”

“are you asking her bc she’s a girl?”

“No dude, I’m asking her bc she’s smarter than us.”

“I don’t think I’m straight. Have you seen Ryan Reynolds? Yeah… I don’t know anymore.”

“Did you know the new soap dyes your hands Barbie pink?” [holds up bright pink hands] cause I just found out!”

[more on the previous one] “bro that’s not Barbie pink, that’s fuschia!”

“No it’s not!” {argues back and forth before new guy joins in}

“I think it’s more of a periwinkle.”

“Bro, periwinkle is a purple. Have you never looked at a color before in your life?”

[random projectile flies past my head] “shit! Incoming!”

[random push-up contest]

“Do you think my dog knows I would die for her?”

“You guys know when [vague hand movement] just kinda [even vaguer hand movement] and you just [weird and vague hand movement]?”

“Bro, yes.”

“What were you listening to in your car when I pulled up?” [proudly] “the cheetah girls, bro!”

“Do you think I could take a badger in a fight?”

[random period of absolute silence that either lasts forever or is ended by a random scream]

[someone finds a stick] “you shall not pass”

“You are what you eat, right?”

“Bro what? We’re talking about baseball.”

After the entire staff had heard about me making friendship bracelets for the Taylor Swift concert, I had 4 (out of 6) of them ask me to make them one.

“Do you ever just [like two minutes of complete silence], ya know?”

“I don’t think meeting God could even compete, dude.” - I have no context for this statement

“Sometimes, I just [heavy sigh] and sometimes it’s enough.”

“I need new songs to scream in my car.” [shows them Cruel Summer and DBATC by Taylor Swift] “Dude, make me a playlist. I need more songs like these!”

[loud clattering] “Oh shit. Don’t tell, [manager].”

Manager : “what’d you break?”

“Who decided our company mascot should be a pigeon?”

Manager gives vague answer about corporate and how we’re a car wash so it makes sense.

“Well, they’re dumb. I think our mascot should be a racecar.”

“Do you think I would get workers comp if I had a mental breakdown?”

“No.”

“Damn. Imma reschedule it for my day off then. Hey, [manager], can I have two days off back to back next week?”

“Do I get commission for the customers I scare away?”

“That’s the opposite of how commission works.”

“Well, I’m up to three today.”

[random old guy makes a comment about how women shouldn’t try to do a man’s job] “dude, acting like a dick doesn’t make yours any bigger.”

“Does anyone wanna watch Barbie’s Princess and the Pauper with me on Tuesday?” [everyone said yes] - we’re going to see the new Barbie movie together for “team bonding”

“Did you know that if you do this [proceeds to do some weird flippy thing that makes him fall], you can bruise all your ribs at the same time?”

After seeing a video of Taylor Swift diving into the stage at the Eras Tour : “dude, it’s a really good thing she’s a singer and not a swimmer because that was a bellyflop.”

“Wait. Is Hozier a lesbian?” - I have no context for this question

“If I was a worm, you guys would still play COD with me right?”

“No. We’d lose.”

“We could team up against him and beat his worm-ass!”

“Shit yeah! Then yes.”

[random dancing]

“I wanna jump in that puddle…”

“then jump in it?”

“Ok bet” [spends the last five minutes of his shift splashing in a mud puddle]

“Dude, my [12 year old] sister just got dumped by her boyfriend, what do I do?”

“Take her on a date, dude. I take my sisters out all the time because they should know how a dude should treat them.”

[random trauma dumping] “but yeah, lmao, right?”

Me: [chillin] [randomly gets picked up and carried] - this is an action I have approved, it is both hilarious and fun

“Don’t be weird about it, bro.”

“I’m not gunna be weird about it, bro.” [proceeds to be absolutely weird about it]

“What’s your favorite candy?” [tells them] [receives a two pound bag of my favorite candy the next day] “I’m sorry I yelled at you last week.”

[after he was invited to a party with drugs & alcohol] “My therapist said I shouldn’t do that anymore. It’s shit for my mental health.”

“Okay, bro. We can just play COD instead.”

[randomly tackling each other in the grass]

“Dude, I love you so much, bro. You’re an awesome guy to be friends with.” [proceeds to smack each other back and forth for like three minutes straight]

[complaining about how his seven-month-old is going through a sleep regression and he hasn’t slept more than two hours in a week] “dude, that sucks. I can ask my mom for tips, if you want?”

[random video clip sent in group chat] “wait, Maggie don’t watch that” [watches it anyways] “bro, that’s a video of you and your cat playing peek-a-boo, why couldn’t I watch that?” - I never got a response

[quiet giggling] manager: “what are you doing?”

“Nothing!” - they were hiding his clipboard

“Bro, Taylor Swift probably wrote a song about it.”

“That was literally so homophobic, it’s homoerotic.”

[in the group chat] “Y’all, I have news.” [all but one person responds asking about it] “I wanna wait until everyone responds” [four hours later, the last person responds asking about it] [ten minutes of silence] “oh, yeah. I’m gay.” - this man has been out for over a decade. Everyone already knew. This was not news.

[random tiktok link] [random tiktok link] [random tiktok link]

“Does anyone know how to use epilepsy?”

“Epilepsy? The seizure thing?”

“No the three dots.”

“Bro, that’s ellipsis.”

“I thought that was the exercise machine.”

“No, that’s an elliptical.” - I know this is a tiktok trend now, but this entire conversation was dead serious

“Do I need to go to the hospital if I got bit by a squirrel?” [everyone yells at him to go to the ER] [someone asks how he got bit by a squirrel] “I wanted to know if they were as fluffy as they look.” - he has confirmed that they are, indeed, as fluffy as they look but you most certainly should never attempt to pet a squirrel

“Bro look at this” [picture of something brutal and gory] “isn’t that cool?”

“I think I could be a professional driver.”

“Didn’t you break your axel by hitting a curb?”

“That doesn’t mean I can’t drive.”

#boys will be boys #boys will be bugs #I love them #they’re so stupid #there’s never a dull moment with them #i never know what to expect when they start talking #every day they get weirder #I love my job #my boss is literally only older than the 17 year old #everyone is older than him except our high schooler

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nateconnolly · 2 months

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I made a Patreon lol.

Here's the free sample post:

THE CREATION MYTH OF KILL 6 BILLION DEMONS

INTRODUCTION

I love fantasy religions. I love it when fictional humans try to understand worlds like Brandon Sanderson’s Cosmere and Tolkein’s Middle Earth through a religious lens—especially because in those books and in many others, the fantasy religions are somewhat true, and somewhat false. It’s really fun to look at a fictional universe through the eyes of a character who might not see things objectively. Religion usually plays a role in that. But, if I’m being honest, a lot of fantasy religions are just Christianity wearing a fun hat. Don’t get me wrong, I am fascinated by Chrisitianity, and I really enjoy a lot of fantasy versions of Christianity. But it’s a great special treat when a fantasy story goes the extra mile and portrays another concept of the divine. That’s one of many reasons that I love the webcomic Kill 6 Billion Demons. The webcomic’s fictional religion Atru has parallels to Taoism, Gnosticism, Advaita Vedanta, theothanatology, Biblical divine nomenclature, the list goes on. I just threw a lot of big scary words at you, but I promise, this is a beginner level essay. I’ll break everything down into bite-sized pieces. I just wanted to list out some of K6BD’s religious influences to show that they are complicated, and diverse.

This is specifically a essay about the creation narratives. K6BD is an amazing comic—later on, it tackles questions about time, free will, and optimistic nihilism, but I won’t dig into that stuff here. Those things would require their own essays. Here, I’m going to try to explain how the seven-part world came to be. More specifically, I’ll examine the stories that White Chain, Cio, Michael, and the old devil’s tale tell us; then I’ll look at fictional holy texts found in the Concordance.

I’ll also compare and contrast with a lot of real world religion and philosophy. I want to be clear that the creator Abaddon and I have never spoken. I don’t know where he got most of his inspiration. I’m not revealing any information that wasn’t already available, I’m just compiling it and offering my own thoughts. Unless I specifically quote Abaddon, assume that I’m not even talking about his inspirations. I’m drawing parallels because it’s fun, even though it probably won’t give us new insight into how the text was created.

I promise I’m not trying to convert you! I genuinely don’t want to make other people believe the religion that I believe—or any religion at all. I’m just trying to show you how understanding some real world religious and philosophical concepts can deepen your appreciation of K6BD. Obviously, there will be tons of spoilers, so go read the webcomic if you haven’t already. It’s absolutely genius.

Lastly, I want to say I will discuss suicide and murder.

Ok, let’s get started.

PART ONE: THE FIRST AND GREATEST DIVISION

Let There Be No Genesis

White Chain begins the history of the universe with the words, “Let there be no Genesis,” closely echoing the in-universe fictional Psalm I. “For indeed, there was [no Genesis]. God has always existed and has never existed.” As White Chain tells her story, we are shown the god YISUN. This figure is sometimes described with it/its or she/her pronouns, but for the sake of simplicity, I’m going to follow the example of the fictional Psalm I, and use he/him. I might call him “YISUN” or “God” with a capital G depending on the context.

YISUN was eternal, and the ��undisputed master of the entire omniverse.” He predates everything else, and without him, nothing would exist.

YISUN has at least twelve bodies, probably more. Some are smiling, some look mad; some resemble insects or animals; most hold weapons; and all are different colors. The central white body has four arms. Abaddon has said that YISUN’s appearance is directly inspired by the Hindu god Vishvarupa. Hindu gods are frequently depicted with multiple body parts, an artistic tradition that Doris Srinivasan calls “the multiplicity convention.” She explains some of the religious and artistic reasons that many Indian gods have multiple body parts in her book “Many Heads, Arms, and Eyes: Origin, Meaning, and Form of Multiplicity in Indian Art.” The tradition of Hinduism is long, and diverse, so the multiple limbs in one text can mean something very different from the multiple limbs elsewhere. Srinivasan closely examines a vast expanse of Indian history, and I don’t have time to present all her ideas. I would like to specifically focus on the interpretation that multiple limbs represent the manifestations of a singular godhead.

Srinivasan writes that “Multiple versions of a myth are facilitated by the idea that there exists multiple aspects or manifestations of a godhead.” Think of the difference between Greek and Hindu goddesses. Bruno Snell suggests “that these four women signalize the four aspects of all womanhood,” but Srinivasan qualifies his interpretation. The Olympian women “are not multiple forms of [one] Divine Woman, as is the case in Hinduism.” Artemis and Athena are different people who are both women, plural. Parvati, Sati, and Uma together are Woman, singular. Zeus, Demeter, and Poseidon are gods, plural. Shiva, Vishnu, and Krishna are God, singular. That’s not how all Hindus see things, but it is one Hindu perspective that I find especially comparable to K6BD.

Similarly, the multiple bodies are only manifestations of a single God: YISUN. All of his bodies are a single person. In Hinduism, the plurality of the divine can be seen as empowering and liberating. Multiple body parts signify that the god is a well-rounded entity. But Abaddon makes it look like a curse. He turns the artistic convention around. Using the same symbolism and metaphysics, he tells a radically different story. As White Chain says, “Being was only circular.” “YISUN had no equal… It was a wretched life, without meaning or perception. Imagine infinite stories to tell… and nobody to tell them to.” Perfection is lonely. At this point, YISUN is the only thing that exists, and that can’t be fun. All those arms and heads cannot satisfy YISUN’s need for companionship. It’s fascinating to me that when White Chain says YISUN had no one to whom it could tell its stories, Abaddon chose to illustrate multiple heads right next to each other. Even if those heads told each other stories, the speaker and the listener would still be the same person. Dissatisfaction with isolation is why YISUN created the world.

Although not all Hindus follow the school of Advaita Vedanta, in this case, I think it will be helpful to compare and contrast with Advaita. As Ram Shanker Misra writes in “The Integral Advaitism of Sri Aurobindo,” “Brahman [ is] perfect, absolute, infinite, need[s] nothing, [and] desir[es] nothing…” Brahman is full of all perfections. And to say that Brahman has some purpose in creating the world will mean that [Brahman] wants to attain through the process of creation something which it has not. And that is impossible.”

But that’s exactly why YISUN created this world. He wants to gain something that he does not have: companionship.The universe is God’s escape from himself. There was no Genesis, but there was “the first and greatest division: division of self”: “God committed holy suicide.”

2. The Divine Suicide

White Chain’s story is similar to Friedrich Nietzsche’s famous claim that “God is dead,” but Nietzsche did not mean God was a real entity that had literally died. He meant that intellectually, it was impossible to continue believing in God, and that all intellectual achievements founded on belief in Him had to be abandoned. Nietzsche’s claim is a famous example of a philosophical school of thought called death of God theology, also called “theothanatology,” which means “the study of God’s death” in Greek.

“Death” can mean a lot of different things in this context. Sometimes it’s metaphorical, sometimes it’s literal, and usually, it’s a very confusing mixture of both.

Nietzsche proposed the death of God as a social claim about humans. He’s talking about what we can believe, what we should do, and what we need to accept. God never really existed, but as religion loses followers and influence, even the idea of God has begun to “die” because it no longer has power over the real world.

“Death” can also mean God exists, but in a way radically different from what people usually mean when they say “God.” The Rabbi and philosopher Richard L. Rubenstein thought God exists as a “ground of being,” but not as a supernatural entity that made a covenant with Abraham. Rubenstein proposed the death of God as an intellectual change in what humans think the word “God” means.

And, finally, “death” can just literally mean “death.” The Protestant theologian Thomas J.J. Altizer wrote “we shall understand the death of God as an historical event: God has died in our time, in

our history, in our existence.” This isn’t a social claim about humans—it’s a metaphysical claim about God.

Death of God theologians usually mean more than one thing when they say God is dead. Nietzsche wasn’t just trying to convince Christians to become atheists; he was also trying to convince many atheists that they disbelieved in God in the wrong way. Altizer had radical thoughts about what human beings are able to believe.

White Chain means that God is dead in the literal sense. She is proposing a metaphysical belief that God, as a historical figure, chose to actually kill himself. White Chain is not rejecting or critiquing religion—she’s asserting that her religion, in which God has died, is fact.

You can see slight parallels to Nietzsche, Rubenstein, Altizer, Hegel, Zizek, and Blake in White Chain’s version of the fictional religion Atru. But there is no better comparison than the king of sad philosophers Philipp Mainlander.

Mainlander was an atheist—but not in the sense that people usually mean when they say “atheist.” Mainlander believed that there was a God at some time, but that time is now over. There isn’t a God anymore. Mainlander is pretty unique among death of God theologians because he explicitly describes God’s death as a suicide. Whittaker explains that Mainlander thought “[a]ll things have their origin in what may be called… the ‘will’ of the absolute being… to annihilate itself.” Essentially, the cause of the universe is God’s suicidal desires.

God was a “real unity,” but his death caused a “collective unity”—that’s the universe where we live now. God had been a total and undivided One, but now the universe is made of distinct parts. God cut himself apart into the pieces of the universe. God created the world by becoming it, and he became the world by dying.

Mainlander said “the knowledge that life is worthless is the flower of all human knowledge.” He thought suicide was desirable, and ultimately, he put his money where his mouth was. The biggest difference between Mainlander and White Chain is that she doesn’t seem to think ordinary people such as herself should follow God’s suicidal example. Even beyond the views of a specific character, the story of Kill 6 Billion Demons reads as an affirmation of life’s beauty and value.

But the webcomic clearly argues that making a better world is a bloody project. So it should come as no surprise that making the world itself involved bloodshed. First and foremost, the blood of God. What’s so interesting to me is that both White Chain and Mainlander equate God’s suicide to the creation of the world. Our life comes from God’s death. Creation and destruction aren’t opposites—they’re different ways of looking at the same process. At the end of Book 2, Allison destroys Mottom’s evil tree and a lot of her palace—but this destruction is also part of the creation of a more just and free world.

So, what did God’s destruction create? What came after YISUN?

3. The Duality of Un and Yis

The destruction of the total unity creates duality. I know that’s a little confusing because YISUN had many faces, but remember that behind all of those faces was one God, and only one. Not anymore. “From division was birthed duality. White Un, Lord of empty and still places, master of all that is not. Black Yis, infinite mother of the rampant flame. Master of all that is''

I cannot avoid comparing the White and Black gods to the Yin and Yang—a spinning black and white symbol usually associated with the religion Taoism. Yin and Yang represent a cosmic duality. Yin is associated with femininity, darkness, passivity, and even numbers, among other things. Yang is associated with masculinity, light, activity, and odd numbers, among other things. Mainstream Taoist philosophy asserts that the universe can be understood through duality. So, why are these pairs important? And why do things get paired together in the first place?

As is written in the foundational Taoist text the Tao Te Ching, “Being and non-being create each other. Difficult and easy support each other. Long and short define each other. High and low depend on each other. Before and after follow each other.” What’s so interesting about the pairs is they “create,” “support,” “define,” and “depend on” each other. Black can’t exist without white, and white cannot exist without black.

As the Encyclopedia of Philosophy puts it, “...yinyang is emblematic of valuational equality rooted in the unified, dynamic, and harmonized structure of the cosmos. As such, it has served as a heuristic mechanism for formulating a coherent view of the world…” Essentially, neither of these opposites are “dominant” or “truer.” Choosing one side won’t help you understand the universe because the universe is their partnership. Their equality gives “structure to the cosmos.” That structure is order, not chaos, but it is differentiated. There are two different things: Yin and Yang. They contradict each other, but at the same time, they make the universe. Yin and Yang are a productive paradox.

I’d like to return to the notion that “being and non-being create each other.” At this stage of creation in K6BD, UN and YIS could not exist without each other. Their very existence is the fact that they are not a unity. If there was only one of them, then there wouldn’t have been a division—and they are nothing more than the product of division. Just like how being and non-being create each other, the Master of All That Is and the Master of All That Is Not create each other. YISUN was characterized by his totality—he was the total sum of the omniverse, there was nothing else. After the division, Un and Yis experience otherness. The first otherness in the omniverse. It’s difficult for them to find balance—in fact, they immediately went to war for seven years. At the end of their seven-year war, Un and Yis made love for seven days.

I want to be very clear that this is not a depiction of actual Taoism. Yin and Yang are not gods with faces and minds. Notably, the Tao Te Ching asserts that yin and yang are “older than God.” so make of that what you will. But I think Taoism is thematically relevant to this era. Two opposites have to come into balance with each other. The whole universe is a duality of interconnected forces.

K6BD repeatedly emphasizes the need for community. As Allison says at the end of King of Swords, “I couldn’t have done this without any of you… We make mistakes. We learn from each other. We all still have so much to learn. Once I saw that as a weakness, now I’m certain it’s not. Someone who lives still thinking like that… struggling to do everything themselves… I can’t help but think how alone they must be.”

YISUN had to do everything all by himself, and we saw that Allison was right—isolation was a struggle, even for God. But the struggle is over, and in its place is duality. Partnership. The first community.

These are the first four parts of a fourteen-part critical essay. You can read the rest here.

Bibliography is on the free Patreon post.

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