#but then uh

[lesbianralzarek]

"life doesnt get better, you just get stronger" does NOT include ages 11-17. life does in fact just get better from there. those years are dogshit. like, you do get stronger but its mostly just a factor of not being 11-17 anymore. positive thinking helps but it doesnt fix whatevers going on at 15, you have to brute force through that one raw

#i originally posted this as just a 'hey remember how fuckin bad middle/highschool was? shit was wild' type post but now #there are a bunch of teens in the notes being like 'oh my god are you serious? it gets better? im not stuck in hell forever??' #and im reminded that the only people who told teenage ella 'it gets better' were speakers at mental health assemblies #aka the least relatable people alive who were seemingly born to lie to you #so. uh. yeah im a certified adult who isnt here to lie or sugarcoat the realities of being a teenager #the only thing more certain than the pain is the transcience

[skellydun]

why is it when people ask me what i want as a gift i immediately become someone who enjoys nothing at all and has never wanted anything a day in their life.

#my birthday is a month away and my best friend and i #will be on our vacation in a treehouse and so she's trying to make it a Day and wants to have gifts there and im like uh #who am i ? #what do i like? #28 on the 09/18 baby

[ebonyheartnet]

-Recording begins-

Spider-Man: Hi folks! I’d like to give a PSA to my usual villains, and anyone else with ideas for the next two months.

Spider-Man: *holds up a brick sized lump of metal* See this? It’s titanium!

Spider-Man: *starts flattening it out and shaping it*

Spider-Man: See, we all know that I’m crazy strong, but I never wanna really hurt anybody right? Right. While that hasn’t changed, something very important does right around this time of year.

Spider-Man: *pulls off a glove and pulls a chunk into a long stem with his nails carving lines for added texture*

Spider-Man: See, this is what we like to call exam season. Anybody who knows anything about college can tell you that it drives people up the wall, and I already climb mine when I’m antsy.

Spider-Man: *starts winding the thin sheet around the stem, delicately crimping petals in place*

Spider-Man: I do wanna be clear that this isn’t a threat, okay? I’m still not interested in crossing the line, which brings me to my point.

Spider-Man: *throws the titanium rose at the brick wall behind him, stem first, and embeds it all the way through*

Spider-Man: /That/ was restrained because I could focus enough to have full control. If I’m extremely tired or otherwise distracted, there’s just as much risk of me slipping up as someone operating heavy machinery. I’m probably not going to remember what sleep is for two whole months, so remember!

Spider-Man: *pulls out a brick and snaps it like a cookie*

Peter fucking Parker: Don’t.

#peter b parker #peter parker #ebony writes the thing #word girl #how tf did I forget to tag that smh #into the spider verse #also forgot to tag THAT ffs 🤦🏽 #anyways. Miles and the other spider stumbled upon recordings of college!Peter B Parker. and uh. #this man is getting dragged across the multiverse lol. but he did in fact Ace his exams.

[gertritude-art]

just drew a character line-up i can't show off for a while yet, but i need people to know it's incredibly funny to me because it accidentally turned out like this

#doodle #it came out really good #just uh. i got lazy with the poses after the first two lol

[ditzybat]

jason: what’s your darkest secret?

tim: i wrote the most kudos’d superbat fanfic on ao3

damian: i was his beta reader

jason: first you steal my costume, now you steal my spot as most kudos’d fic?!

#bruce: at least they haven’t maimed eachother - this is good bonding right? #dick: uh sure - whatever the voices tell you B #dc #jason todd #tim drake #damian wayne #bruce wayne #clark kent #red hood #robin #red robin #batman #superman #superbat #batfam

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for lying to my dog about food being 'spicy?'

A while back I taught my dog what spicy foods are (by letting her sniff them and saying "Uh oh! Spicy!") and she figured out that it means it'll smell/taste bad and she immediately loses interest. It was initially an accident but it became really handy in getting her to leave food alone if it might hurt her.

Recently though I've started saying "Uh oh! Spicy!" about any food I don't want her to eat. If she's sitting and staring at me eating a regular non-spicy snack and I don't want to share, I'll tell her it's spicy so she'll stop begging for it. She believes me 100% of the time. She does have a 'leave it' command that she obeys as well, but she always acts so sad whenever I tell her to 'leave it' and it's something she wants.

I feel a little bad because she's an older dog (10y/o) and maybe I SHOULD be sharing my snacks with her, but sometimes a man's gotta enjoy his food in peace without a little creature gazing longingly at him the entire time and crying like the world's soggiest beast.

Included is a picture of her making her very best begging face so that everyone can accurately judge how evil I am for lying to her.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole #joke aita #pet tax #thank you op i will now be repeating uh oh! spicy! to myself for days #(in a delighted way)

[transmascpetewentz]

this tweet. but for tumblr

#wentz.txt #people will debate me and treat it like a challenge to maximize the amount of words they can use to say ' #nuh uh'

[slitherpunk]

lol. lmao, even

#“to show you our appreciation” uh huh #got that email yesterday and wondered huh whats up with that

[givemeureyes]

day 1 without ao3: i have gone through all 5 stages of grief multiple times and have invented a 6th. i will not disclose what the 6th stage of grief is.

#I AM GOING INSANE #what am i supposed to do?? #’you should work on your WIP’ NO I CANTTT #‘ read actual books on your real bookshelf’ NUH UH #ao3 #archive of our own #i’m tagging ships #malec #destiel #hannigram #jonmartin #tomgreg #kenstewy #imagine all the fics i could be reading rn

[doccywhomst]

hey remember when pop-ups and banner ads were associated with malware? when youtube didn't have any ads at all? when you could get a cheap netflix subscription that was better than cable TV? digital marketing experts estimate that most americans see 5-10k ads every day. what the hell is going on

#im sure some business analyst will destroy me with facts and logic or something but uh.... this shit aint natural

[grimewart]

giovanni

#pokemon #meowth #team rocket #giovanni #pkmn #ive seen this around the internet with tons of notes and i dont mind but uh. #its mine #old art #grimew art

[redsray]

The batkids getting in trouble with the JL somehow when undercover or when using aliases and instead of... you know... the aliases... they give their siblings first names. Batman has gotten multiple calls from the JL where they'd be like

Green Lantern: Uh Bats we've got a 'Jason' in custody here he's asking for you.

Batman, panicking bc wtf did Jay do this time:

Tim: Hi!

Batman: You're not Jason.

Tim, dead serious: I don't know what you're talking about.

#batfam #justice league #tim drake #batman #bruce wayne #jason todd #i just think its hilarious #steph: my name is Dick #jl: uh huh

[pikslasrce]

im ngl that scene in the lighthouse when hes trying to jerk off to the idea of a hot mermaid but keeps getting distracted by unsightly visions symbolizing his guilty conscience and descent into insanity is so real like. it really is like that sometimes

#piksla.txt #its just like when ur trying to think of smth sexy and ur like 'ooh think. uh. hot vampire ladies uh. think think think' #and ur brain keeps reminding you of like. deadlines and chores and unpleasant memories like shoo! go away!! im trying to have a fun time #its literally that . anyways robpat SLAYED slayedddddd #hall of fame

[gibbearish]

just saw on the hbomb subreddit that james somerton briefly reactivated his twitter and changed the name to agayraconteur, then 8 hrs later deleted it again because people were noticing, so. everyone who went all in on "he'll keep popping up again and again in new forms" cash your bets in now LMAO

edit: hey yall this post is very out of date but has been getting spikes of notes since the second apology video so i'm gonna be marking it unrebloggable

#james somerton #google tells me a raconteur in someone who tells anecdotes in a skillful and amusing way #which uh. wrong on literally all 3 counts #or well i guess google doesnt specify that it has to be your own anecdotes so i guess he gets one out of three on a technicality #bigger gibbers

[eskildit]

In a better kinder world. Gideon nav would have been at the club.

#😔 #the locked tomb #eskildit posts tlt #she would have loved it #admittedly I do have a fic concept about her at the club but I uh refer to it as #Gideons no good very bad night at the dyke bar #sorry king I’m making you suffer like this #gideon nav #ok to rb