#but they’re making me feel very dysphoric

[321sluggie]

They might have to push back my surgery for someone else and I do kinda want to cry about it

#just the crowning jewel of a very shitty time. #I guess it might not happen—I still don’t know if they’re going to do it #fighting back tears in the doctor’s office #<-title of my autobiography #I just. I want my body to feel ok #or at least not make me feel dysphoric #I feel like I am secondary in literally every part of my own life

[transmascissues]

12 weeks post-top surgery thoughts

most importantly, i’m absolutely fucking in love with how things look! it’s still not set in stone yet, my surgeon said i won’t really see the final result until up to a year after, but I’m so happy with it already.

my surgeon’s default timeline would’ve had me starting scar tape at 4 weeks, but i still haven’t started yet because some little scabs are still hanging around even though most of my scars are completely healed. my surgeon didn’t seem concerned about it taking longer than expected, she just said everyone’s body is different. given that i have a connective tissue disorder and skin that just hates being messed with at all, i’m not surprised that it’s been slow going and i’m just happy that the rest is healing so well. i just had another post-op today and was cleared to start using scar tape because the scabbing is so minimal at this point, so i can finally move on to the next stage of healing.

i can (mostly) lift my arms now! they still can’t quite go all the way up, but i have enough of my mobility back that the only things i really struggle with are super high shelves like the ones above my fridge, and things like the washer and dryer that i have to reach really far to get into. technically, i was supposed to wait six months before raising them because that’s what my surgeon usually recommends for aesthetic purposes, but i have to be able to raise them to do my job anyway so i’m not limiting myself beyond the natural limits of discomfort at this point.

my chest muscles are mostly back to normal too, but they’re still very sensitive. when i flex them, it doesn’t hurt or feel uncomfortable but i am a lot more aware of the feeling than i was before. they also still tire out more easily than they used to — i’m back at work now, and i’ve learned the hard way that i tend to favor one arm over the other for certain tasks because when i do any of them for too long, i start to feel it in that side of my chest. it’s not anything too bad, but i’m still making sure my shifts are spread out because i don’t want to risk overdoing it.

i’m getting used to touching my own chest, but being touched by other people still feels super weird and honestly uncomfortable at times, particularly when it’s my bare chest and not over my shirt. i’ve been touching it a lot to try to desensitize it since around week 3 or 4, and it seems to be working as far as my own touch, but other people is a whole other story — when my boyfriend is touching my bare chest and their hand touches the scars, it doesn’t actually hurt but i react to it like it does. i suspect it’s more of a mental thing than anything, that since i’m still instinctively protective of it and not quite used to how it feels, touches that i’m not in control of just automatically set off alarm bells. it’s also just a generally foreign feeling even without the weirdness of healing because my boyfriend never really touched my chest before surgery since i was dysphoric about it, so it seems to require desensitization on multiple levels. i’ve given them permission to keep touching it even when i flinch (unless i explicitly ask them to stop) because i want to make sure i start getting used to the feeling.

i’m also still very sensitive to pressure against my chest, especially the front of it. it’s getting easier to lie down on my side now but i’m still using my body pillow to take some pressure off of the scars under my armpits, because if i don’t i usually can only stay in that position for a little while. my boyfriend can mostly lay their head on my chest for short periods of time now, but the position matters because if the weight isn’t distributed evenly enough or if it’s on the wrong part of my chest, it hurts. that being said, less intense pressure on the front like a hug or holding something to my chest is pretty much fine, i’m just still more sensitive to it (as with everything). i’ve been able to lay face down on top of my boyfriend a couple times without discomfort too, but i’m still erring on the side of caution and not laying on my chest too much yet.

when i was around a month in and thought i would be starting scar care soon, i was really nervous about it — particularly about the scar massage — because of the state my chest was in. i still didn’t feel like i could press on it or move the skin around or pick it up with my fingers at all, and the scar tissue underneath was still really thick and firm. i assumed that all of that would stay the same until i did the massages to break down the scar tissue and loosen things up, but i can now confirm after another month and a half of doing nothing while things healed, my skin is naturally a lot more mobile and a lot of that really thick scar tissue has already broken down. obviously i’m still going to start massaging now because i want to give myself the best possible chance of healing well, but i wish i had known how much my chest would be able to bounce back on its own. in hindsight, i’m glad i ended up having to wait to start the massage instead of doing it back when my chest was much less healed, because i’m much more comfortable manipulating it now.

every once in a while, i’ll get sharp pains in my chest. they aren’t horribly painful, mostly just unpleasant. they feel a lot like the nerve zaps i was getting earlier in recovery so it might be another round of nerves reconnecting, but it also happens more often when i’m working so it’s hard to say if it’s nerves or over-exertion. either way, i always make sure to take it easy when i start to feel that, just in case it is a sign of me doing too much.

i typically almost never eat meat, but i chose to reintroduce it into my diet after surgery to get more protein, because i wanted to make sure my body had everything it needs to heal and protein is a huge part of that. now that i’m pretty much all healed skin-wise and just waiting for everything to settle, i’ve decided it’s time to go back to my usual diet of not-fully-vegetarian-but-pretty-damn-close. i’m sure the diet change wasn’t strictly necessary but i don’t regret doing it, though i am glad to be switching back now.

putting on shirts still hasn’t gotten old. seeing how they look over a flat chest honestly feels surreal, but in the best way. hugging people and being able to press all the way into it js also still such a great feeling. i’m far enough in now that i can do all of that stuff without worrying about it, but still early enough that it all feels really new and special, and i’ve been thoroughly enjoying that.

wearing a more genderfucky outfit out in public for the first time post-op was a fucking blast. my boyfriend and i went to a new year’s eve party, and getting to show off my chest through a sheer lace top and my facial hair alongside makeup was so much fun. it was the first time i’ve been able to go all out without the lingering feeling in the back of my mind that dressing up means inevitably being seen as a woman. i definitely didn’t look like a cis man to any of the people who saw me, but they could clearly tell i wasn’t a cis woman at the very least, and knowing that made me so much more confident.

i’m far enough away now from being in the trenches of early recovery that the reality of the fact that i got such a big surgery has started to fade. when i really think about the fact that my body went through all of that and about how hard early recovery was, it doesn’t quite feel real anymore. i’m starting to reach the point one of my friends told me about, where my chest being like this feels so normal that it’s just like “yeah, of course, it’s always been like this, right?” it’s wild, really, the difference a couple months can make — it wasn’t that long ago that i was exhausted and arguably depressed from the early recovery process, and now it all feels so normal that i have to remind myself it took all of that to get here. i never really doubted that it would be worth it in the end, but i’m still more sure of that now than i ever have been.

the last couple months have been a long road, but somehow they’ve also flown by. it’s given me so much appreciation for my body — its potential to transform and what it’s been able to withstand. i wouldn’t trade the experience for anything.

#top surgery adventures #top surgery results #top surgery recovery #top surgery #double incision #trans man #transmasc

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for calling my boyfriend babygirl

let me clarify upfront: my boyfriend has never expressed discomfort with this, and says he likes it, so it’s potentially a non-issue, but it’s still bugging me. this has been ongoing for a little over a month and i feel like i’m going nuts. forgive me if any of the language i use here isn’t correct, i don’t know how else to get the ideas across - feel free to correct me if i could be saying things more inclusively. sorry that this is rambly also. small nsfw warning (nothing too explicit)

i (22m) have been dating my boyfriend (19ftm) for a little over a year. i’m cis and he is trans. admittedly i’m not like… the most well versed in trans issues but i love him more than life itself so i really try to be respectful of him. he was bullied pretty severely in highschool, not just for being trans but his gender identity was no small part of it, and even though he’s not super dysphoric day to day he’s definitely got some boundaries about it. there are certain compliments he likes and some that upset him (he doesn’t enjoy being called pretty or cute, typically) and he’ll snap at people for referring to him with feminine names or titles like “sis” “girl” etc even if it’s done jokingly.

the thing is he’s rarely, if ever, done that with me? i call him pretty and cute all the time (because he is) and he’s always been fine with it. admittedly the first time i did it i didn’t know it was something that usually bugged him, but he’s never said anything to me about it. everytime i have he’s seemed happy. he’s very outspoken, i pretty firmly believe if it was a problem he’d say something about it - again, he has no issues being firm about this boundary with any of his other friends and family. i was doing this before we started dating, so after we started dating it sort of bled into pet names

again, it was never something i asked him about expressly, but at some point i started calling him, like… princess, babygirl, etc. i only ever do this in private, when its just us or when i’m pretty sure only he can hear me, for a few reasons. my boyfriend doesn’t really pass (entirely his choice. he doesn’t bind his chest and he doesn’t want any gender affirming surgeries or hrt - again, he’s not super dysphoric day to day, he only gets upset when it’s commented on and he can bounce back from it pretty quickly) and again, it seems like it’s always made him happy. at the risk of tmi, it especially seems to make him happy in the bedroom, which is another reason i avoid dropping these pet names in front of anyone else. it’s private and i don’t think it’s anyone else’s business.

so. to put this mildly. we went to a house party together recently and i got super smashed. it was a pretty big party so we were sticking by each other, and when you’re drunk and your partner is there… well, yeah. i was admittedly being pretty handsy. he didn’t tell me to knock it off or anything, he was reciprocating. at some point he started talking to his best friend from highschool (19mtf, i’ll call her Z) so i reigned myself in but i was definitely still drunk and horny and being clingy. i don’t know Z all that well - she and my boyfriend are very close but she can be pretty harsh, and i appreciate all she does for him so i like her, but we never talk unless he’s there. i’ve had maybe one one-on-one conversation with this woman ever.

they’re talking. i’m also there. i’m not trying to rush him but i definitely want to get home. the conversation lulls and i take the chance to ask my boyfriend if he wants to leave soon, and because i am aforementionedly drunk and horny i drop one of those earlier pet names. before he can respond to me, Z snaps at me. she says not to call him that and that i was being a creep - this alarms me and was kind of frustrating since i wasn’t even talking to her, and i recognize i’m not in a headspace to argue? with her? so i just tell my boyfriend to come find me when he wants to leave and i wander outside. he finds me about 5-10 minutes later and we head home.

it doesn’t get brought up again that night but a day or so later i text Z to ask her what she meant by me being a creep, because it was bugging me. she says that it’s obvious i’m fetishizing my boyfriend’s gender identity, that the fact i call him those things brings up major red flags, etc. i tell her that my boyfriend doesn’t have an issue with it. she says it doesn’t matter and asks me why i want to call him those names in the first place, and posits that maybe i don’t actually want to be dating a boy - that i just like the idea of dating a boy and actually want to be with a woman. i’m gay, so this is VERY out of pocket to me. i tell her my boyfriend is not a woman and end the conversation there, but it DOES stick with me. so, very belatedly, i ask my boyfriend what he thinks of all this. i adore him so much and i hate hate hate the idea i could’ve been treating him like that, even unintentionally. he says the pet names never bothered him and he’s never felt like that, and that he’s fine with me specifically doing it because he trusts me and knows i don’t see him as a girl.

so, whatever. she has a problem but me and my boyfriend don’t. i try to move on, but the next time i see her she asks if i’ve apologized/reflected at all. i tell her no, because my boyfriend said i have nothing to apologize for and it seems like a non-issue. she is now avoiding me, refuses to be in the same room as me, and will declare to anyone who asks that she doesn’t want to be near someone who fetishizes trans people and she doesn’t feel safe around me. my boyfriend tries to talk to her but she insists i need to apologize at the bare minimum, but to who? even if i did apologize to my boyfriend i wouldn’t mean it and he wouldn’t want it. Z is his long-time best friend, i can’t exactly go the rest of our relationship just avoiding her. so i have no damn idea where to go from here.

on some level, i worry she’s right? i honestly don’t know why i started calling him those things. i think it started as a joke but i just kept doing it when i noticed he seemed to like it. in hindsight that was maybe shitty of me, but i trust him to tell me when something i do is making him uncomfortable. it’s not like i can do that over, but if he ever told me to stop i would. it’s definitely true that if you saw my boyfriend on the street you’d probably assume he’s a woman, but i’ve never been attracted to anyone who actually identifies as a woman before. i’ve only ever liked men, and no matter what he looks like he is a man. this whole situation did make me think about how i think about him, and i’ve realized that, like… i want to have kids with him one day, and ideally i’d like him to carry them. ideally, but id never make him. if he decided tomorrow that he wanted to medically transition and go the whole nine yards i’d support him. he’s my whole world, i just want him to be happy. but does the fact i want him to carry children prove her right?

i’m just. confused. i feel like i’m running myself in circles. Z knew him in highschool so she was there when bullying over his gender was at his worse, so i get why she’s protective. she’s also trans herself so she undoubtedly understands this stuff better than me. but i’ve heard it’s normal for trans people to have complicated relationships with gender, so it’s normal to be okay with gendered language from some people and not others (like only letting close friends use certain pronouns for you). i figure it’s like that, but it’s not my gender so… i don’t know. should i just stop calling him those pet names altogether, even though i know at this point he enjoys them, to be safe? am i an asshole for calling him those things in the first place / would i be an asshole if i kept doing it?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[urfavoritesecretadmirer]

CW/TW: Stupidity, mentions of dysphoria, sexual topics, topic of genitals

I don’t read smut but this pisses me off. I’m keeping the user anonymous considering this is a rant, multiple people act this stupid and I won’t be calling out specifics.

Maybe, think about this, some trans people including me don’t fucking hate the fact that for the time being we have a pussy. Some of us, don’t like the idea of taking it up the ass. I’m trans male and I have a cunt and I fucking own it. I don’t read smut, but stop shaming the trans FTM people who do and want to read it for the genitals they have for the time being. No one is fetishizing anyone for being inclusive. Not every trans person experiences dysphoria. Some of us love our bodies.

We’re on tumblr bb, get a grip and let people be inclusive. If you wanna be taking it up the ass in a Anakin Skywalker x FTM husband reader smut fic, then go find that. Leave the content for trans FTM people who haven’t transitioned yet, for the trans FTM people who haven’t transitioned yet.

“B-b-b-but dysphoria-!” This is for the trans people who aren’t dysphoric, and again, don’t wanna take it up the ass. I’m trans and I serve cunt when going out and looking feminine/like a girl, womp womp. Just because you have the privilege of transitioning and like taking it up the ass, not everyone else does.

Some people who haven’t transitioned fully, also like the idea of characters comforting them when they feel dysphoric. It’s not like they’re fucking feminizing the trans reader, it’s literally just smut for trans men who haven’t transitioned yet. And if you don’t like that, god damn don’t read it.

I don’t think people realize how much comments like “stop fetishizing trans men” over stuff like smut is so stupid. There are plenty of fics for trans men who have transitioned. Most x male reader writers don’t gaf if you see the reader as trans. And I’m gonna be honest, it feels very anti-trans men who haven’t transitioned. Like shit, sorry I don’t wanna go through a surgery yet. Sorry people write smut that makes them comfortable. Sorry that not every trans ftm person is gonna want to read smut of them taking it up the ass and getting their dick teased when they haven’t transitioned.

And honestly, trying to make trans male readers read fics where they’re fully transitioned can make them uncomfortable too. It can remind them they’re not in the body they want to be in. Let them own the body they’re in right now, because you don’t have to hate your body to be trans.

-🧿/🪄

#x male reader #transgender #transmasc #trans pride #trans male #trans male reader #gender dysphoria #tw dysphoria #trans #actually osdd #osdd system #did osdd #actually did #did system #osddid #osdd #osdd 1b #actually traumagenic #anti endo

[spacelazarwolf]

I honestly think your ask about people AFAB not being seen as reliable or intelligent enough to understand their own experiences is spot on, but it gets so much push back. People think bringing up sexism = you must be a TERF and idk how to deal with that.

But there really, honestly seems to be a lot of sexism against AFAB people in the trans community and it feels like a lot of people would rather coddle their own dysphoria than acknowledge that that's where their beliefs are coming from.

I get that it's dysphoric for trans women to feel like they're being sexist, but... don't be sexist, then? Idk what to tell people without being accused of being a TERF (when I support trans women all the time IRL and online!)

tbh i don’t think it’s a thing that uniquely comes from trans women, bc i’ve seen that kind of thing come from other ppl who were afab too. it comes from everyone, bc we all grew up in a society that teaches us that “women” (people assigned female at birth) are inherently less intelligent, less able to handle ourselves and our experiences, that we need people to speak and interpret our experiences for us. we, in queer and trans spaces, see te/rfs fully playing into that and understandably want to reject it, but don’t often do anything besides just…..saying we reject it. we don’t sit with ourselves and think about the things we were taught growing up about how someone “should” act, or what the “proper” way is to make a point. (both of which, by the way, are heavily steeped in whiteness. the way a white person is taught to act is going to be very different than the way a black person is taught to act, regardless of if they’re the same gender or assigned sex at birth.)

but this does really make me think of an addition someone put on one of my posts where she talked about being so afraid of being seen as “socialized male” that she would get panic attacks when she tried to speak up. because we say in the trans community that we’ve rejected the idea of gendered socialization but we clearly haven’t. if someone who was assigned female at birth is being sexist, the response is either that people who were afab can’t be sexist (wrong) or it’s ignored. if someone who was assigned male at birth is being sexist, there’s a nuclear level meltdown about whether or not it’s “male socialization” or should be called out in the first place and like. the answer is really simple??? anyone can be sexist, and if someone is being sexist, they should be corrected. it has nothing to do with agab (both the incorrect idea that ppl who were afab can’t perpetuate sexism, and the incorrect idea that ppl who were amab are somehow inherently more likely to be sexist) and everything to do with just trying to be a better person and unlearn the bullshit we all grew up hearing.

#ask avishai

[ellilyre]

Ive lose the ask asking for my transmasc!Leo headcanon TT but i have them written down so imma post em like that

Leo transmasc headcanon

(many things are based on my own experience. Especially the dysphoria related things (so when i talk about Leo not being a real boy it is what he thinks bc of dysphoria. It’s not true.))

(warning angst angst (but thats Leo so that was expected)

it was so obvious even when he was small. He always wanted to play with boys, wear boys clothes, ect… His mom was fine with it. She bought him boys toys and clothes and even sometimes called him hijo. She was a bit confused, but she knew it made her child happy and it's all that mattered. 

However, it didn’t go that well with his foster homes. However much he tried, they always stuck to his deadname and she/her. That was a big part of the reason he kept running away. 

There really is no story behind the name Leo. He picked that one bc it sounded cool. 

Once he got a good enough passing, he did everything he could so ppl will assume he’s cis.

Don’t ask me how he gots his hands on hrt. It’s a long and weird story.

The wilderness school was very strict about not mixing girls and boys in dorms. 

Piper was his roommate, that’s how they met. 

In their memories created by Hera, Jason has kinda always known he’s trans. So Leo never bothered to hide it from Jason (as he does with others).

But Jason doesn’t have much (any) education on transidentity… At first he assumed Leo was a cis guy, and then some things were a bit confusing (why was he in fem dorms ? Why does he wear a tank top under his shirt ? Did he just ask Piper for a tampon???) but he just kinda gave up on trying to understand, bc Leo is a nice guy anyways. And with time (and exterior knowledge on the matter) he started to put the pieces together and to understand that “ooh ok that makes sense". 

Otherwise. Leo has no desire to get out of his comfortable closet. 

He has such a fragile masculinity 

Sometimes he acts a little bit macho. He’s aware he’s acting like an asshole but he’s terrified of being perceived as feminine. 

Why does he try to flirt with every girl he sees ? Another attempt to pass better (and comfort himself in his fragile masculinity) by copying stereotypical boys' things.

He overbind so much, GODS. Man will wear his binder for 11h straight (while fighting and running around) and then have the audacity to complain that his body hurts.

Piper tries very hard to remind him to take proper breaks. 

Jason is the biggest gender envy ever. He is handsome, tall, muscular… Leo really loves him but he also is so jealous and envious. 

He is very envious of other boys in general. 

When Percy got woken up in the middle of the night and left his cabin shirtless. When Frank went to take a break in the men’s restroom…

Gods, he would do anything to just be a normal boy. To be like them. To have their bodies. To not have to destroy his body to look slightly more masculine. To not have this constant fear that they’re gonna find out. 

And to add to the reasons why he felt so much like the 7th wheel : Among the 7 there are 3 girls, 3 boys… And Leo. Forever inbetween. Not a girl, but not a boy like the others either. 

Fortunately, with time he learnt to accept himself better and to feel more comfortable with others. 

Piper helped him to go easier on himself. And he had an actual proper talk with Jason.

The first person he actually came out to was probably Annabeth, bc she’s cool and wise and nice. 

And then he saw it actually was ok. She didn’t treat him any differently, she didn’t tell anyone else. She was cool with it.

He then told Frank and Hazel, with Piper’s help (mostly to explain to Hazel all those new terms). And it also went very great ! He then also told Percy and Nico. 

He’s not entirely out, just to his closest friends and his siblings at camp. And it’s enough. 

He still overbinds, but he has ppl to (discreetly) remind him to take care of himself. He’s still very dysphoric but his loved ones know how to remind him that he is their brother, an amazing boy.

#pjo #percy jackon and the olympians #percy jackson #leo valdez #heroes of olympus #hoo #pjo hoo toa #pjo headcanon

[sharkboywrites]

Hi! Can you pls write halsin and astarion (Gale too if u can) with a trans male (transitioned) who feels insecure about appearing too feminine and thinking about cutting his long hair cause he thinks they’re too feminine? Sorry this just my insecurities. This morning I cut my hair and gold I wish I hadn’t cause I loved my hair but ppls told me they were girly so.. yeah. Regrets. Sorry about the mini rant. So Uhm would love if u could write so,è comfort, no worries if u can’t! Thx for being a mlm writer and love that u started writing for bg3! Have a lovely day!

Halsin, Astarion, and Gale with a Dysphoric FTM S/O

A/N: Took me about two years but I'm finally trying to get back to writing after falling down shitposting hell, yaay. So sorry to hear about your problems with hair (and also that it took me so long to get to it :/), hair can be a really complicated thing when you're trans and even though I cut mine as short as possible I still end up feeling too feminine most of the time. sorry that these are kinda short, I'm easing myself back into writing after a while of not writing at all, even personal works, after a family emergency.

Ftm reader, male reader, he/him pronouns used, heavy themes of dysphoria

Halsin

Halsin makes his morals clear, that things should be as nature intended it

This includes things like hair, and that hair growing out is a natural thing whether you're a man or woman

Obviously he's okay with hair cutting, his would be much longer if he hadn't, but he also supports the idea of letting your hair grow out, letting nature choose it's path, his hair is still near his shoulders after all

So when you come to him about your worries of your hair being "too feminine" he's very adamant that this is a normal thing

He assures you that hair is natural, and that people can have any length and it will not affect who they are as a person

Whatever you decided, cutting your hair or keeping it long, he will continue to assure you that no matter what hair length you have, you are still a man and the man he loves

Just know that Halsin loves you no matter what, you are a man and he will do everything in his power to make sure you know that

Astarion

Like Halsin, Astarion is really doesn't think much about hair length and it equating to gender

Astarion had met plenty of men in his life, many of which having long hair, some even long enough to go all the way down their legs to their ankles

And yet these men were still just that, men

Some quite masculine still, and not any less attractive to him

When you come to him with your troubles, he's immediately going to try and help you

He'll help you style your hair to find a way that you like it

He'll tie it all up, tie only certain parts of it up, twist it and braid it, until you find something that you like

Every time you find a style you like, because of course he'll keep going until you find multiple you're comfortable with, he'll tease you about how silly you were for thinking having long hair made you feminine

I mean, look at this man

His hair is short, but it's stylish, he takes good care of it, and he'll for sure know how to make it so that you'll like this

He'll make you feel as masculine as possible while playing with your hair, making sure you know just how loved yu are, as you are, a man

Gale

Gale himself has longer hair

Obviously it's not very long, about a bit longer than his shoulders, but he's confident about it most times

When he does get insecure about it, it's not because he doesn't feel masculine, it's because of his general insecurities with himself

So when you open up to him about your issues, he's not exactly sure how to help

He'd never considered that this could be a reason someone would be insecure

He encourages you to keep your hair long, although he's not very good at comforting you

He may try to mess around with your hair like Astarion, and he doesn't do as well, but he does well enough

You find a few styles that make you feel better and he promises to do his best to try and make it right every morning just for you

If you do want to cut it off, he won't stop you, even supervising to make sure you don't mess it up too bad

If you regret it later, he'll hold you close in an attempt to comfort you

Again, he's not great at comforting, but at this point he's also more comfortable and it does the trick

Before or after cutting your hair, he may use astral projection to try and make you feel better about your physical appearance if you really want it

Gale may not be the best in these situation, but he tries his hardest to do what's best for you and what you want, comforting you all the way through

Wooo I'm back to writing, ty for reading and have a nice day!

#sharkboywrites #male reader #mlm #mlm blog #ftm reader #trans reader #x trans reader #transmasc reader #bg3 x reader #astarion x male reader #gale x male reader #halsin x male reader #astarion x reader #gale x reader #halsin x reader #bg3 fanfiction #bg3 x trans reader

[jesterwriting]

I saw your requests are open and I wanted to ask if you could write headcanons or drabbles (whatever you feel like) about how Zoro, Sanji and Law would take care of/help a trans masc Reader having a bad gender dysphoric day? Thank you so much and I hope you have a wonderful day/night! ♡

(not sure if you write for Mihawk but if you end up making headcanons and write for him, it'd make me really happy if he were among them as well 👉👈)

pairing: zoro x reader, sanji x reader, law x reader, mihawk x reader (separate)

contents: transmasc!reader, gender dysphoria, clueless but he tries zoro, ‘it’s not dysphoria, it’s dysphoriUS’ sanji, talks of gender affirming surgery in law’s

word count: 1.5k words

note: so personally i don’t experience a lot of dysphoria besides some chest dysphoria, so this might not be the best. just know that i tried VERY hard and i hope you enjoy these headcanons all the same :3 i love to put out trans centered content when i can hehe <33

playlist: rabbit in a headlight - autoheart

Roronoa Zoro

Zoro, bless his heart, doesn’t get it. To him, you look perfectly masculine and it’s hard for him to wrap his head around the fact that you think otherwise. His first instinct is to invite you to work out with him; get your endorphins going. (There’s nothing more masculine than getting sweaty with another man.) Zoro will give you tips as to what muscles to train to get a build you’ll be happier with. If you need it, he will even help write up a training regimen for yourself, especially if his original plan of working out helps you. Zoro won’t go easy on you, he knows your strengths and weaknesses enough to know what you can handle. That said, he may end up overestimating your abilities in an attempt to get you to push yourself. In terms of taking care of you, Zoro might bring you a glass of water, maybe a plate of food if you missed a meal. It took him a lot of effort to keep enough food away from Luffy to fill your plate, so you better be thankful. Give him a smile and watch his ears turn pink.

Words of affirmation are not his strong suit. If you need to vent, he’ll be there, of course. His replies will be blunt and to the point as he leans against the side of the ship, one eye open as he listens to you. Zoro might come off as a little insensitive with his words, but ultimately, he wants you to understand that he doesn’t view you any different from any other man he knows. If anyone misgenders you, may god have mercy on their soul. They will have a very unhappy swordsman barking up their tree within seconds. Afterwards, Zoro will remind you not to listen to idiots who don’t know what they’re talking about.

Black Leg Sanji

Unlike Zoro, words of affirmation are Sanji’s speciality, second only to acts of service. Listening carefully to your words, he will interrupt every so often to compliment you, or to remind you of how handsome he finds you. He can feel his heart crack at the thought of you feeling ill at ease with your body, taking it a bit more personally than he needs to. Sanji loves you deeply, and the fact that you are hurting while there is little that he can do about it is enough to drive him batty. As you’re explaining how you feel, you can see tears well in his eyes. It’s a little awkward, if not sweet that he cares about you enough to take your feelings to heart. You won’t be expected to move a muscle so long as you’re feeling bad. Sanji brings your meals to you, each one hand made with as much love as he could muster. He hopes you can taste it.

As soon as you want to get up, you’ll notice that every mirror on the Sunny is covered by a blanket so as not to cause you any unnecessary stress. Sanji treats you as if you are made of glass, and is more than a bit dramatic with his attempts to help you. The entire day, he follows you around, offering declarations of how handsome you are at every step. It would be somewhat annoying if his attempts weren’t entirely in earnest. Like Zoro, Sanji doesn’t quite understand dysphoria. How you perceive yourself and how he perceives you differ enough that it confuses him, and he feels like he’s not doing enough as a partner to make you feel comfortable in your own skin. You’re going to have to explain to him that it’s something entirely out of both of your control. You just have to ride the wave when it arrives. Sanji understands that, at least. On bad days, you will have your very own cheerleader, entirely willing to wait on you hand and foot.

Trafalgar Law

Like Zoro, Law is very solutions based. He is a doctor, not only does he understand how you feel — at least in a medical sense — he comes equipped with solutions other’s aren’t able to offer. If he catches you avoiding mirrors or wearing baggy clothing more often, he will sit you down and offer said solutions to you. You are aware that it’s not outside of his capabilities to perform gender affirming surgery, right? He is more than happy to provide if it means you’ll feel euphoric rather than dysphoric. Of course, any surgery is a big decision. Take time to discuss it with him and yourself, Law is patient and more than willing to help explain the process if you want him to. If you decide against it, Law understands. It’s a very big, very permanent decision, though he assures you he’s available if you ever change your mind. To help assuage your fears, Law will offer you one of his textbooks that detail gender affirming care, openly explaining any medical term you’re unfamiliar with and processes you don’t understand.

In terms of taking care of you, Law is more than a little awkward. He gives good, albeit stiff, hugs. His arms are long enough to fully wrap you in his embrace and hold you against him for however long you need. (That said, you can feel him start to get antsy once you pass the sixty second mark.) If you’re having trouble showering, Law offers to share the bathroom with you. Of course, he would have his back to you, he assures. It would just be easier to get done if you have someone in there distracting you from any negative thoughts. If you want to spend the day in bed, Law will join you throughout the day, laying next to you and quietly reading when he has down time. He enjoys sharing space with you, and if you want, he will even absentmindedly run his fingers through your hair as you lay next to him. It’s hard for Law to properly take care of others when he can hardly remember to eat half the time. For you, however, he is attentive and caring, treating you like a patient until you feel 100% yourself again. Every thirty minutes, Law will ask you on a scale of one to ten how you feel, never judging you for your response.

Dracule Mihawk

Like Law, and unlike Sanji and Zoro, Mihawk understands your dysphoria. While he’s never experienced it himself, he’s lived long enough to know what it is and what it entails. Lending you a listening ear, he is quiet as you speak, fully absorbing the weight of your words while you vent to him. He lays next to you in bed, an arm wrapped around your shoulder, his thumb gently stroking your skin. Once you’re done, he offers cool words of affirmation, a balm for your aching soul. Afterwards, like Zoro, he offers to help you train your body to be one that you’re able to feel euphoric about. And if that doesn’t sound appealing to you, Mihawk is more than happy to pull some strings and get you to meet Ivankov. They are far more equipped to help you than he is. Of course, if you much prefer comfort over solutions, Mihawk is capable of that as well. He will make you a cup of tea, pour himself a glass of wine, and sit by your bedside for hours, simply sharing the space with you, his golden eyes studying every inch of your frame for any obvious signs of distress.

Mihawk thinks you look wonderful, no matter what you wear. If you find comfort in baggy, oversized clothing, he will think you look just as good now as you do in elegant suits, perfectly tailored to fit your body. His only preference is for you to wear soft fabrics. Something he can run his hands over when he passes you by in the halls or when he’s greeting you in the kitchen. Cashmere and velvet are two favorites of his. In the days that follow, Mihawk will run his calloused palm along the sides of your face, placing a chaste kiss to your lips, before he tells you how handsome you look today. It’s not the first time that he’s complimented you, but it certainly comes as a surprise. After learning that there are days you are more ill at ease with your body than others, Mihawk makes more of an effort to compliment you. Reminding you that he sees and appreciates the man in front of him.

#one piece x reader #zoro x reader #sanji x reader #law x reader #mihawk x reader #roronoa zoro x reader #sanji x you #trafalgar law x reader #dracule mihawk x reader #sanji x yn #dracule mihawk x you #zoro x you #trafalgar law x you #.jesterwrites

[vile-bestia]

why mizu is, in fact, not cis

Everyone is very angry at everyone about how to see or not see Mizu’s identity; being unable to shut up, and having fixated on the show a bit, i’m excited to finally join my first to-the-death-tumblr-discourse-battle.

I'm going to use mostly he/him for Mizu, but please read the premise below. Read the colored strings of text 😭

The main argument for Mizu being a woman is that which has as its basis the fact that cross-dressing is for Mizu an external need: for one, it is a need for protection from patriarchal bonds; secondly, it is a need for independence - Akemi’s story is one of independence as well, of feminine independence, and we have more than one woman pursuing such thing; we could go on with an analysis of brothels as a feminine space, but, alas - and thirdly, it is a need of obligation: Mizu needs to maintain the masculine identity in order to attain the object of his vow. 

I find, however, that while the argument stands as perfectly sound (and as canon) it isn’t exhaustive enough of the layered experience of gender in BES.

The trans coding is simply undeniable to me, whether it was intentional or not. I do not mean to say that Mizu is a binary trans man; that would be an approach as reductionist as confirming she is exclusively a woman. However, I find that some behaviours of Mizu’s are coded as dysphoric reactions.

Most of my justifications for this reasoning come from episodes 2, 5 and 8.

In episode 2,

Ringo is vowing to never reveal Mizu’s secret: “I’ll never tell anybody you’re a g-“; and as soon as he’s about to say girl, Mizu is just as ready to slice his throat. Mizu being worried about someone else hearing or witnessing the interaction doesn’t seem completely plausible to me: they’re alone in snowy woods, and, most likely, Mizu wouldn’t have confirmed time and again how readily he’d kill Ringo. 

Then comes episode 5,

which is in my opinion the most layered and the most exhaustive in regards to Mizu’s experience of gender, especially regarding his experience of the feminine. First and foremost, it tells the ultimate teaching: that gender isn’t but a performance, just as the gender roles are portrayed through theatre in the episode. As for the dysphoric reaction, it's the whole thing. Mizu is miserable even when we suppose that the marriage could be a relatively happy time. That's another reason why I suppose the puppet theatre tells Mizu's internal sense of self as well (see paragraph 4).

(And, about gender being performative, see how kabuki theatre was born in the Edo period and how, before being banned from acting, women cross-dressed to play male characters, and men cross-dressed to play female characters. See “professional transvestites” trained to be prostitutes, Kagema being trained from a young age to „act" like members of the other sex; see how by the beginning of the 18th century AFAB sex workers would try to figure out a way to set themselves apart from wakashu, creating an entirely new space for female crossdressers in the adult entertainment sphere; see ukiyo-e representations - chigo monogatari and yukiyo-zoshi literature; stories by Ihara Saikaku that are full of "transgender behaviours" and more)

Back to ep 5:

1. Theme of performance

The theme of performance, which also is the one of Mizu performing femininity for Mikio (in function of the well-being of Mizu’s mother), but being at once unable to suppress masculinity as the only space in which Mizu seems to be comfortable: e.g., it’s a little detail, but Mizu’s only good in the kitchen when cutting vegetables, because comfortable with blades, certainly not with cooking; again Mizu having to perform femininity is when he does makeup to “make-up”, to soften Mikio’s spirit, who feels invalidated by Mizu’s masculinity when it starts to interfere with his pride, and such other details; I even thought of the sword as a symbol for “learned” masculinity: the first time this thought occurred was when it was characterized by sensuality in the scene where the spouses spar: “Unsheathe it. Let me see your blade;” and I interpreted it as masculinity being the only space that allows intimacy as well; then comes the time where Mizu learns he does not need a sword to fight, meaning to me that she can embody masculinity without having to prove it to others. And then comes the reforging of the sword’s meteorite to include “impurities”, and the rite that Mizu performs. I assume that “a sword too pure” is the symbol of, again, learned hypermasculinity to appease patriarchal expectations, and is too pure because it’s Mizu rejecting part of himself, trying to exclude all “impurities”, whether they are being half white, or being half woman. Taigen himself is the one to tell Mizu he can fight without a sword (ep 7, but done in ep 3 or 4 and ep 6 already), and then the situation starts to bear sexual tension, which I directly link to the sensual connotation of the sparring cited earlier up. Possibly, this particular situation could also mean acceptance of Mizu's lack of a native "sword".

2. Gender roles

But a more sound consideration is (i would like to hope so) the one about the whole marriage being told through puppets, and the puppets themselves. While they are different characters, first of all we see an inversion of gender in the roles: at first Mizu is the Ronin because he performs a masculine role of protection, an “active” role; then, Mizu’s role is reversed in function of his marriage. We see Mizu surrendering (forcibly, being manipulated) to femininity as soon as his mother guilt-trips him into marrying, and the ronin puppet assumes a submissive pose, long before the role reversal.

3. A note:

it yet does not seem to me like the role reversal is, so to say, complete: even after the reversal, the narrator tells details about the ronin that are actually details about Mizu, e.g. when the two marry, and despite the positions of the puppets match the ones of the spouses, it is said that the ronin's loyalty is no more turned towards his "path of revenge," (Mizu's) "but to his bride" - in the perspective explained below, perhaps Mizu's own femininity. Also, i find Mizu might perceive Mikio as the bride, and himself as the husband - as an argument it can't stand alone, or it would bare no strength, but I will use it in correlation with the other points made, until now and later, to argue that Mizu thinks of himself as a guy.

4. Performance of Mizu's sides, assimilable to when she has the vision of killing his white side, shortly before facing the four fangs or whatever their name was

This, and one more tiny detail, bring me to think that not only do we talk about external roles, but about Mizu’s self-perception. I'm referring to when it is said that “for the first time in many years, the ronin felt the storm rage inside him.” The storm is a symbol belonging to Mizu (literally it occurs in the first 2 minutes of the episode), and it is explicit that it isn’t something that happens for the first time, but rather returns. By this point, the gender roles were reversed, and yet it seems to me like it isn’t anymore about the marriage itself, but rather about Mizu’s hatred for and slaughtering of his own femininity, and, of course, the experience of betrayal; with his family (especially his mother, see below), and with his femininity, which wasn’t enough to keep him comfortable or Mikio on his side. (...betrayal which is also about mizu himself betraying akemi, i'd add. Mizu is justified here, but it's important to note the parallels between the two timelines i guess?)

5. That random ass baby

There is, at a certain point, a situation of peace, which I think is represented when one of the puppets is holding a blue baby (supposedly a little ronin) in its arms. I want to suppose that the baby represents newborn love between Mizu and Mikio, before it all fell apart. But the love itself is a masculine love, as we see that it is based on masculine exchanges (fighting, doing fieldwork, taming horses, riding together, whatever) and, it seems to me, assimilable to homosexuality between samurai, which was widespread (insert something about Taigen here). Also Mikio wanted to marry a bro lmao. Aside from that, on the level of Mizu’s self-perception, it might represent comfortableness, a sort of congruence, or, rather, a compromise, that Mizu is able to live in, between natural masculinity and performed femininity - opening up to show vulnerability, love fragile as a creature that cannot defend itself, innocent, naive, trusting. 

6. About Mizu’s mother.

The puppet used for Mizu’s mother before the role reversal is the same that is supposedly used for Mizu after, but I latch onto a detail: the pattern on the puppet’s kimono is the same as the (real life) Mother’s kimono (see for example minute 12:30). I support this by noting the more obvious parallel between the blue worn by Mizu and the blue of the Ronin puppet, but at the same time I'm forced to note that after a certain point the mother has her own puppet. In any case, I see the mother and the feminine puppet wearing the same kimono as being about femininity, and about the mother’s betrayal of her child, rather than about Mizu herself. For one, manipulating him into marrying and abandoning the vow. But also we learn (ep 8) that the woman isn’t Mizu’s mother at all. One could discuss the reliability of Fowler’s statement, but I feel there are more clues regarding the mother’s betrayal: the episode starts with the Ronin, who feels the storm rage inside him at the killing of his lord (Mizu’s actual mother, perhaps) by the hands of a clan whose crest was the Phoenix (which I suppose are the white men, and the curse of whiteness for Mizu). I’ve thought about the four white men dealing guns (Fowler), flesh, opium (and I’m not sure what role “Violet” has in this, but I think they're the opium dealer), and thought that if Mizu’s “mother” was a substitute, the opium she smokes could point to Mizu’s potential father, perhaps even at the surrogate mother keeping contact, and at the surrogate’s betrayal at the same time. But it’s also true I watched the show while stoned, so I would dismiss this.

7. Onryo (note: characteristic in kabuki)

When the birth of the vengeful spirit occurs, I see very well how plausible it is to say that, actually, the rage that Mizu feels is feminine rage, and I agree with that. Mizu’s femininity is his rage, it is heavily related to the mother-daughter relationship, despite the fact that at a certain point the mother has her own puppet. At the same time, however, it is to me the result of the slaughtering of the performed femininity needed to respect the obligation (we remember the wedding was also to ensure the “surrogate” mother safety, especially financial, as well as to keep Mizu bound), just as accepting you’re able to fight with any tool puts an end to the compensatory movement by which you’re trying to prove masculinity to an observer (which, say, Taigen does as well, wanting to prove to Mizu he can beat him - plus, Taigen himself is the one to reassure Mizu on the complete unimportance of it, see how I read the sword symbol a few paragraphs earlier).

In this perspective, the "dye washing away from her kimono" to me means two things: that being what he is is inevitable, and that the feminine rage sets in; Mizu tries to make up for being a "demon", but in the end rejects the obligation towards his husband, and towards her mother; the pattern is not the same anymore, and Mizu is somehow more like his own person, returning on the path of vengeance, strengthened by the feminine, as the reforged sword will be strengthened by the very ritualistic yaki-ire.

--

Episode 8,

I feel, speaks instead for itself,  for the dysphoric reaction is to me extremely clear. Reacting that way to being called a Miss is not a cisgender reaction. You’ll tell me: it’s not a dysphoric reaction! It’s a reaction of disgust to being fetishized for being a woman! And that’s plausible, supported by the “you just keep getting better,” with clear sexual implication, except I think that is also a fundamental trans experience and one cannot limit the way they read the scene to an exclusively feminine experience.

In conclusion,

I don’t think it might be all boiled down Mizu being a masc woman, because of the trans coding. Mizu thinks of himself as a guy. If not a guy, not a woman either. You’ll tell me: “Of course she does, because she’s grown up that way; she was forced to sustain the lie to preserve her life! It's a matter of conditioning!” And while it is true that the initial context points towards crossdressing, and not inherent feelings of gender non conformity or transgenderism, I feel that if Mizu really felt like a woman, he wouldn’t have such exaggerated reactions, and I don’t think they come from his temperament either. And it is disproved that conditioning someone to have a different sexuality or gender identity works in any way - I doubt Edo period Japan or a particular protagonist would make an exception. "But Mizu herself tells Mikio she didn't want to be a man, she had to be one!" Yes, because it is true. But it points to crossdressing. If it were aimed to explain the whole of Mizu's experience of gender in her self, it would invalidate the entirety of episode 5.

In any case, even in situations where he couldn’t be discovered, Mizu does not allow feminine terms or titles, or tries as best to stop them from happening; plus, it’s rather obvious how difficult the relationship with his body is. 

While, once again, reading Mizu as a binary trans man is not enough, I feel like reading him as cisgender isn’t, either. As if, in any case, the feminine experience and the transmasculine one didn’t overlap in many aspects, also during the most tumultuous parts of transition, if pursued.

What is funniest above all is that the whole discourse is substantially useless. The layers of the show open to an infinite variety of interpretations, none of them fundamentally wrong. Mizu’s just quite literally Mizu. It’s a queer unlabeled thing and that’s it. If you take the Lacanian concept of the Real as the hole, properly uninteligible, surrounded by the Symbolic, you'll find that "Queer" is exquisitely representative of the Real, and therefore every label (the Symbolic) is reductive of the perceived experience (indeed the Real). The fundamental lesson about gender that you can derive from the show is that gender is a performative construct. What it pushes you to do is deconstruct your principles, especially if you are queer, since we are all entrapped in the modern western white need for strict labelling; that’s where this whole debate comes from, and it is, once again, pointless.

So, instead making fun of other people because of a set of pronouns, perhaps it would be better to imagine that more options can cohabit together, or that there is no need to label at all. Also be careful about accusing others of a complete lack of media literacy - you should thoroughly examine yours first.

Interesting articles i guess:

--

Algoso, Teresa A. "'Thoughts on Hermaphroditism': Miyatake Gaikotsu and the Convergence of the Sexes in Taishō Japan." The Journal of Asian Studies 65, no. 3 (2006): 555–573. Algoso, Teresa A. "Not Suitable as a Man? Conscription, Masculinity, and Hermaphroditism in Early Twentieth-Century Japan." Chap. 11 In Recreating Japanese Men, edited by Sabine Frühstück and Anne Walthall. Berkeley: University of California Press, 2011, 241–261. Mostow, Joshua S. “The Gender of Wakashu and the Grammar of Desire.” In Gender and Power in the Japanese Visual Field, edited by Joshua S. Mostow, Norman Bryson, and Maribeth Graybill. Honolulu: University of Hawai’i Press 2003, 49–70.

taken from this post asking about transgender men in the edo period: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/p6x4jk/comment/h9ttgv4/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

As a final unrelated note, I haven’t seen anyone praise the MASTERFUL sound design 

bye 🪳🪳🪳🪳🪳

#blue eye samurai #bes #mizu blue eye samurai #queer #queer coding #trans coding #mizu #media analysis #mizu gender #mizu trans man #mizu transgender #in this essay i will #mizu trans #mizu bes #nonbinary #genderqueer #transgender character

[malikairose]

Don’t Cry, Darling

poly!ghostface x Plus Sized!Enby !Reader

Summary: Randy was making a bunch of weight jokes, some cruel some disturbing, only stopping when your boys show up to see your tears.

Warnings: Bullying + sexual harassment , comments on weight, dirty comments, Angst? Hurt/comfort, a few punches, Death threats, fem representing nb (afab), cursing

You anxiously await the obnoxious school bell ringing. You just can’t wait to go home, and finally change out of your outfit. You knew when you got dressed this morning you were going to hate your outfit. You knew it, yet you didn’t seem to care. Yet now, several hours later, you do. The black denim skirt reached to the very tip of your fingers, but it would continuously ride up and the tight white shirt showcased a few of your rolls, and was quite tight in your chest area. Let’s not even start on the little star and moon tights you’re wearing. Everything Feels tight, and is suddenly making you feel quite dysphoric.

The bell rings, and almost instantly you are out of the door. You hurry to your locker to grab the rest of your things before heading over to Billy’s car.

Just as you are about to reach the parking lot, where you already see the car is on and the boys are inside waiting, Randy grabs your wrist to face him. He’s with a few other friends but you don’t know who they are, nor do you care.

“Where you going, sweet cheeks?” Randy asks, making you nearly gag.

“Home? The bell just rang?” You respond.

“Awh? Wanna come to my house first? Dying to know how those fat thighs feel wrapped around my cock.” He winks.

You pull your wrist away, “You disgust me.”

“So does your ugly rolls, popping out of the shirt you’re wearing. You should be lucky he even offers for you. You know the only thing you have going for you is your tits and ass.” Laughs one of Randy’s friends.

You try to shove past them, starting to get upset. You’re used to Randy’s harassment but it still hurts hearing those words. They stop you before You can even get a step past, suddenly forming a sort of barricade to trap you.

“You know, I’m sure all that fat is at least good for a quick thigh or tit job, though, don’t even thing of face riding. You’d be dead in an instant.” The same guy from earlier says, starting to poke at your things.

“Just let me go, please” You try to plead.

“Awh, look at them. It’s pathetic, really” Randy laughs.

He grabs your arm, pulling you against him, and whispers in your ear, “Stop your crying fatass, you know this is all you’re good for. Except it, you’re nothing but a quick fuck. Only good if you’re covered though, seriously, babe, the rolls are hideous.”

You sob as you continue trying to push past them, “Please! I just want to go home.”

“Please, the whore is probably going to her two boyfriends house like the whore she is, can’t even pick one man.” Another one of the guys say, enticing laughs from the rest.

——————Stu & Billy—————————-

The boys are getting frustrated. The bell rang fifteen minutes ago, where the hell are you?

“God, they need to hurry the fuck up.” Billy complains, lighting a cigarette, which he hands to Stu before lighting one for himself.

“I know, they said they’d come straight to us.” Stu whines, pausing slightly before adding in a much more serious voice, “You don’t think something happened to them, do you?”

“Give it five minutes, if they aren’t here by then, then we worry. Okay, Stu?” Billy decides, earning a nod from the blonde boy.

———————You—————————-

You are starting to hyperventilate, you’ve been trapped between these guys for ten minutes and the show no sign of losing interest in making fun of you. Your mind gets filled with worried thoughts, and your ears start ringing slightly as the continue to pick fun at you. You aren’t catching all of the words they’re saying, but you are picking up a few, “Slut”, “whore”, “fatass”, “fatty”, “loser”, “ugly”, “disgusting”, and many other unkind words. You’re scared. You’ve never been this scared, why won’t they let me go?

You’re full on sobbing now, you can’t control it. You’re embarrassed about it, but the tears keep falling.

—————-Stu and billy——————

“Okay, let’s go. Something’s up.” Billy says when the five minutes pass, both him and Stu hurrying out of the car.

The second the get out they see it, a large group of guys standing oddly.

“What the fuck are those guys doing? What are they blocking?” Stu questions.

“I don’t know. That’s not important though, let’s just find y/n” Billy answers.

The start walking towards the building, freezing when they hear the quietest, “please” coming form behind the random guys.

“Randy?” Stu mutters, recognizing one of the males.

They are behind confused, slowly walking towards there. Who was behind messed with and why did it sound like-

“Y/n, c’mon, just let me take you home. You know you want it, I’ll pretend like you’re not just a fat toy.” The boys hear Randy say.

They see red. Why the fuck was a bunch of guys surrounding they’re partner? Quickly, the run over to the guys and push them away, confirming that it is you that was trapped. Billy quickly turns on Randy while Stu immediately comes to you.

“Oh, honey. I’m so sorry. C’mon. Let’s get you to the car. Shhhh, don’t cry, darling.” Stu says, taking the keys from Billy quickly removing you from the scene before Billy nearly kills the guys.

“You do not fucking mess with them again, or I will murder you. Do you understand me?” Billy sneers.

Randy laughs, “I’d like to see you try.”

He shouldn’t have said that. Billy pounces instantly. He’s straddling the boy as he throws punch after punch at the boy. The whole concrete is covered in red and the other guys quickly run. Billy would probably have killed him right there if he didn’t already have plans forming in his head on ways to torture Randy and his friends.

Getting off of him, Billy grabs his collar and drags him upwards before spitting in his face and throwing him back, “Don’t ever even think about them again. Y’hear me? Or I won’t be as nice.”

He quickly walks to the car and spends the rest of the night comforting you and reading you that they think you are the most attractive person they ever met, both physically and mentally. Only waiting until you’re asleep to sneak off and start planning their revenge for you.

#stu macher #billy loomis #Stu x billy x reader #poly!ghostface angst #poly!ghostface #imagines #poly ghostface #hurt/comfort #scream #scream 1996 #poly!ghost face angst #Billy loomis x yn #Stu macher x yn #billy loomis x reader #Stu macher x reader #billy loomis x stu macher x reader #Malikai’s gaybies

[thisdoodler]

Ok, so I’m seeing a lot of people making posts about why Vil is a complex character and they don’t understand the hate he gets, so

I’m going to make a post as to why I can’t like Vil.

I want to make this clear before I begin. I do not hate or dislike Vil, actually I appreciate how complex he is as a character, it’s just that I can’t like him.

And the reason is his relationship with Epel.

I’m going to start this off by saying I’m genderqueer (They/Them) and that I’m aware Vil isn’t transphobic but honestly some of his and Epel’s interactions just remind me too much of it, if that makes sense.

Why? You may ask, well:

He forces Epel to wear make up when Epel makes it clear he doesn’t like it.

He forces Epel to wear feminine clothes when Epel makes it clear he doesn’t like it.

He forces Epel to act in a traditionally feminine manner when Epel makes it clear he doesn’t like it.

All of this just reminds me way too much of a transphobic parent trying to force their kid into the role of their assigned sex.

And like,

I’m aware it has more to do with the way Twisted Wonderland was written, but it’s just something that eats away at me when I think of Vil. I am never going to be able to see it as anything else no matter how much I try.

And I know Epel has some issues with toxic masculinity. I know all too well, because they are almost the exact same things I did before I realized and came out as genderqueer.

I used to dress traditionally masculine, did the “tough” voice and speech, I used to wear sports bras just a bit too tight to make myself look flatter (practice safe binding kids), I used to hate on traditional femininity, and so much more and it reminds me a lot of Epel.

I dont headcanon Epel as FTM (I actually kind of dislike it but I feel like that’s a post for another day.) but his struggles are very similar to trans struggles and Vil acts in a very similar manner to transphobic parents.

(Also if you headcanon Epel as FTM, I don’t dislike you, because I understand that there’s not a lot of trans representation and a good portion of this post is about how Epel is trans coded.)

For me to like Vil I need just some sort of acknowledgment from the narrative that Vil is wrong for forcing Epel to play a role he doesn’t want, because right now it feels like the story is saying he’s right and it makes me like him even less. It makes me feel like they’re saying that Epel’s gender dysphoria will go away with time as he accepts his feminine appearance and, from my personal experience, that’s not really how it works????

If I’m wrong please let me know. But like, when I’m dressed femme and my gender is more masc that day, no matter how comfortable I would be in that outfit if my gender was femme, I feel dysphoric.

Also before anyone says “but you think Epel is cisgendered! How can he experience gender dysphoria???”

So, anyway, that’s why, for the moment, I can not like Vil.

Also, please, do not use this to spread any hate about Vil Shoenheit. Like I said, I don’t hate his character, I just really dislike how this part of the story is being handled. I should also mention I haven’t read Chapter 6 yet, so I don’t actually know if this issue is properly being dealt with there. I will reboot this when I have read it and say whether I have changed my mind or not. Thank you.

#twisted wonderland #TWST #twst character analysis #twst epel #twst vil #vil shoenheit #epel felmier #pomfiore

[simplykyndal]

ghoul regressor headcanons :))

phantom ghoul (they/it):

very VERY clingy (loves clinging to swiss)

swiss is their main caregiver

can go nonverbal, communicates via sign language if it isn’t too little

sometimes they can regress so little that their head needs to be supported when they’re being held

LOVES stuffed animals

despite being closest with swiss, it loves to spend time with rain, dew, and aurora when it’s regressed (especially if aurora is also regressed, makes it so happy)

loves to be called bug, makes them giggle

has an oral fixation, something is always in it’s mouth, be that its tail, someone else’s tail, its fingers, someone else’s fingers, or a paci

dewdrop ghoul (he/him):

doesn’t regress very often

when he does, it’s typically involuntary

he gets so stressed :(

the sweetest little thing, he just wants cuddles and to be held

before aether left the band, aether was his prime caregiver, now it’s rain, mountain, and cumulus

loves to be carried around by mountain bc he’s so tall

needs to find cumulus almost immediately or he isn’t a happy camper

likes to be called firefly, makes the little light up

rain ghoul (they/them):

sometimes when they regresses, they’ll try to hide that they’re in a smaller headspace

especially if they’re on tour and have stuff that requires them to be big

they think they’re good at hiding when they’re little, they’re not, swiss or dew will notice immediately

bc he’s hypermobile, sometimes he’ll think he hurt himself but really, they’re just fine

cries when they don’t get attention

likes to carry around a stuffed otter

big oral fixation, doesn’t have pacis, sucks on their tail

aurora ghoulette (she/her): 

doesn’t need to regress often

only does when she really wants to, unless she’s REALLY stressed she never regresses involuntarily

cirrus & cumulus are her main caregivers

loves to hang out with phantom when regressed, they are summoning twins after all

obsessed with the color pink, she must be wearing at least one thing that is pink (or holding something)

calls cumulus “lulu” or “mama”

calls cirrrus “mommy”

swiss ghoul (all prns, mostly he/him):

doesn’t regress at all

is a caregiver to phantom, rain, mountain, and if dew isn’t clinging to mountain, rain, or cumulus, he’s a caregiver to dew

loves it when his ghouls are little

phantom is his favorite (but you didn’t hear that from me)

would do anything to keep their little ghouls happy

mountain ghoul (no prns):

much like dew, only really regresses involuntarily

mountain gets too stressed to deal with big mountain’s emotions

always finds rain or swiss immediately, sometimes cumulus

sometimes mountain feels dysphoric bc of how tall mountain is (wants to feel as small as how mountain’s brain feels)

swiss bought clothes that are too big for mountain to somewhat battle this

loves clinging to either of mountain’s caregivers

very bad oral fixation, needs something in mountain’s mouth at all times

when mountain is big and another ghoul is little, mountain loves carrying them around just to hear their happy chirps

cumulus ghoulette (she/her):

doesn’t regress, instead watches over aurora, dew, and sometimes mountain

loves her little ghouls with all her heart

likes to use her air powers to ruffle up their hair, makes the littles smile SO HARD

cirrus ghoulette (she/they):

doesn’t regress

only really looks after aurora, unless the other littles come find her

loves to just spend time with little aurora, sadly they don’t see little aurora that often

likes to pamper her little(s)

#phantom ghoul #mountain ghoul #swiss ghoul #dewdrop ghoul #rain ghoul #aurora ghoulette #cumulus ghoulette #cirrus ghoulette #papa emeritus iv #papa copia #regressed ghouls #age regression #the band ghost #fluff #i love them so much #ghoul headcanons

[transmascissues]

every day i think about how my old psychiatrist (who was notoriously horrible on many levels, to be clear) tried to convince me to stay on the antidepressants i was coming off of when i told her i was starting testosterone because she was convinced that i’d be incapable of handling the “intense mood swings” that she said it would cause if i was unmedicated

mind you, i was coming off of these meds because they were doing absolutely fucking nothing for me and she had fought me on stopping them every step of the way — in her mind, me starting t was the perfect chance to make one final (transphobic) push against my desire to stop putting completely pointless drugs in my body

she consistently referred to hrt as me “going on steroids” and told me with every ounce of condescending concern she could muster that she had never had a patient start t without being on antidepressants (as if i was supposed to see that fact as anything other than further proof that her main goal as a psychiatrist was just to make as much money as possible by pushing meds on people)

i tried to explain to her that countless trans people i’d talked to had said that being on t made them feel more emotionally stable, not less, and that i had already chosen a method of hrt that would minimize hormonal fluctuations as much as possible, but she wouldn’t believe me — there’s no question in my mind that she just saw me as a ~naive little girl who didn’t understand how testosterone could make my life hell~

and of course, my mom jumped on that idea and started telling me about how it’s not that she doesn’t like that i’m trans, it’s just that she’s ~so worried~ about what the ~big bad testosterone~ might to to my ~poor fragile mental health~

and when i started t, i was terrified that they would be proven right

now i’m 5 months on t (and a few months post-ending that doctor-patient relationship as well) and what do you know? my mood is better than ever! my therapist (who has known me far longer and actually cares about my well-being) says she’s never seen me this happy, and that she feels like i’m actually living for the first time! it’s been incredible!

in fact, i’ve come to the realization that i most likely had premenstrual dysphoric disorder before t, and that it was contributing to a huge percentage of my mental breakdowns and suicidal thoughts, so it seems there were hormones causing mood swings that i couldn’t handle without proper treatment after all, but testosterone isn’t the cause of those issues — turns out it’s the treatment i desperately needed to manage them!

and after some research and hearing from other people, i’ve learned that it wasn’t all anecdotal after all, because some studies have actually found evidence to support the idea that testosterone has antidepressant effects — i told my therapist that testosterone felt the way the antidepressants i had been on were supposed to feel, but i had no clue there was science to back that up

so now i’m just left being endlessly furious with the way testosterone is demonized as some horrible poisonous drug that will destroy your mental health along with everything else in your life, because being on it has improved my quality of life exponentially and that alone makes being on it SO worthwhile, but no one ever gets to see that side of being on t because they’re so busy drumming up fear about how it’ll wreck your moods instead

of course, that’s not to say some people don’t experience serious mood swings on t, because i would never deny someone else’s experience with their own body and mind, and i think it’s important that people know those effects are possible when they start t

what i AM saying is that i would guess that if you looked at pure numbers, more people have probably had a really positive experience like mine than a seriously negative one, and it’s very telling that the negative ones are portrayed as a universal part of being on t despite seemingly being a smaller percentage when you actually talk to lots of trans people, while the positive ones are portrayed as a fluke at best and impossible or even deceptive at worst despite being a really common theme in trans people’s accounts of being on t

testosterone is medicine. testosterone is healing.

it doesn’t solve all our problems — i’m certainly far from cured of all my mental health issues — but it sure as hell lightens the load, and i’m sick and tired of people acting like it’s a horrible thing and not the fucking miracle worker that it is for some of us

#transandrophobia #transandromisia #transmisandry #virilmisia #virilphobia #trans men #transmascs #testosterone #hrt

[baileypie-writes]

i saw you focus on male reader veneer content which is so amazing!!

could i request veneer with a trans man reader headcanons if your comfortable with it? mostly focused on fluff but maybe a couple hurt/comfort like since i love seeing protective veneer <3

thank you for reading :]

A/N ~ Sure! I’m a cisgender woman, so I obviously don’t have any experience with being trans. So if anything here is inaccurate or offensive, please let me know! Hope you enjoy!

~Veneer with a Transgender Boyfriend~

Fandom: Trolls 3: Band Together

Reader: Male, trans ftm

Relationship: Romantic

Genre: Fluff, a little bit of Hurt/Comfort

Warnings: Mentions of gender dysphoria, transphobia, and surgery.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~ First off, Veneer couldn’t care less that you’re trans. It doesn’t matter one bit to him. You’re a guy, so that’s all that matters to him.

~ He’s a cisgender guy(in my headcanon anyway), so he doesn’t have any experience with your personal struggles. But, that doesn’t mean that he won’t help you through them. He’ll ask you to tell him what your problems are like, wanting to understand as best as he can.

~ If you plan on getting surgery, he supports you 100%. He even offers to pay for it. He’s a famous pop star, so money isn’t an issue for him. If you want to save up on your own though, he’s alright with that. Recovery might be a little more exhausting than expected, as Veneer will constantly be hovering over you.

~ If you already got surgery, he’ll definitely want to see your scars. He thinks they look so cool! And they’re proof at how far you’ve come!

~ If you’re feeling at all dysphoric, Veneer is always there to comfort you. He does his very best to make you feel happy again. He can be a bit overbearing sometimes though.

~ Veneer won’t stand for any transphobia, especially if it’s targeted towards you. He very rarely loses his temper, but stuff like that sets him off. He makes sure to ask Velvet to cancel the person on the internet.

~ If you take testosterone injections, he’ll offer to help you take them. I headcanon that he has a slight fear of needles, but he sets that aside for you. He makes sure to do it correctly and perfectly, so you won’t feel any pain, and you won’t get a bruise.

~ All in all, he’s the most supportive boyfriend ever!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~baileypie-writes

#baileypie-writes #trolls 3 #trolls 3 band together #trolls 3 x reader #trolls 3 veneer #trolls veneer #veneer x reader #veneer x male reader #veneer x ftm reader #veneer x trans reader

[simp999]

Saw that your TF2 requests are open :) could you do some relationship headcanons with Demoman x Male reader?? If you don't want to write headcanons you can do whatever you feel most comfortable with, I don't mind :)

Have a good day!!

AHHHH DEMO MY BELOVED <333 thank you so much for requesting!!! I needed this for the soul, as an enby who likes being seen as masc www

Tf2 Demoman x Male! Reader Headcannons + Mini Drabble

Wc: 0.8k

Masterlist

-I like to think that Demo’s very touchy-feely. Not in a weird way, it just makes him happy having an arm wrapped around your shoulders, or even simply having linked pinkies under the table.

-Like, bro-type affection if that makes sense?? He likes being gentle with you at times of course, and very much cherishes those moments, but there’s something about being able to pick you up and squeeze you tight, or pushing you around then having you giggle because of it that’s special to him.

-Back to those soft moments, he loooves hugs and cuddles, but especially when you two are super close. Like you two can be hugging for an extended amount of time and feel comfortable, then you look up at him and smile (as he melts)

-And it’d just be wrong of him to not give you a kiss right then and there, right?

-Speaking of, TONS of forehead/temple/hairline kisses. They’re his favorite to give.

-He loves any of your kisses of course, but kissing him on the jaw does something man

-Friends to lovers 100%

-He’s your #1 Hype Man tm for sure!! You do anything, it doesn’t even have to be remotely cool and he’s like “HELL YEAH! THAT’S ME BOY!! MY BOY, AAAALL MINE!!”

-Also, since magic is canon, it’s possible he believes that you’re his soulmate. Or at the very least, his good luck charm <3.

-One thing that gets me totally soft is the idea that he drinks less around you, so that he can remember special- or any- moments with you better. 

-If you enjoy drinking as well, there’s sure to be nights where you two just enjoy the night and drink together.

-Though, dating him definitely involves taking care of him. 

-Everytime he wakes up to you caressing his face while he has a miserable hangover, he swears he falls for you even more.

-The fact that you’re a boy wouldn’t change anything really, love is love. That’s just how Demo grew up.

-He’s not afraid to show you off to others, being so proud of you!!

-"Look at my handsome boyfriend!! Isn’t he the cutest?!"

-Speaking of praise, he gets extremely emotional about it when he’s drunk;

“Why’re ye looookin’ at me like..like that, luv?” He sways a bit as he speaks, while he sits on his bed, with you comfortably tucked in his arms. 

He had drank more than usual tonight, wanting to celebrate the impressive win you had earlier that day. The celebration had ended almost an hour ago, but the two of you still wanted to spend time together.

“Am I not allowed to admire my pretty boyfriend?~”

It takes a few moments to comprehend and then put together your words, but you can see the way his face heats up. He quickly tries to hide it by hugging you, and nestling in the crook of your neck.

The two of you lay like that for a while, the position being comfortable and warm. You could easily fall asleep on him, but he backs away before you could. His voice is much quieter, and the way he mumbles makes it tough to discern what he’s saying.

“Aye, luv… ye really think I’m pretty?”

Without missing a beat, you carefully bring your hand up to caress his face, and give him a short kiss.

“The prettiest.”

Extra trans male headcanons for the soul:

-If you’re trans, he is the most reassuring and comforting man you’ll meet.

-If you ever feel dysphoric, he’s so quick to shut it down.

-No!! You’re the most handsome, strong, boyest boy he’s ever met. (Yes, that’s something he’s told you.)

-I highly doubt any of the mercs would misgender you, and none of them would ever do it on purpose. But let’s say you did run into some transphobe douche while you’re out and about, I can promise that Demo would have a short fuse. (Pun intended-)

-He’d quickly passive-agressively say that you’re his boyfriend. 

-And if the ass doesn’t get the hint? Well, you won’t have to worry about them for long after they get blown up.

-If you bind, he will not allow you to do so during battle. He assures you that you can wear the binder whenever you’re out and about, or even as soon as you get back to base if it makes you feel better about yourself.

-He’s always on your ass about taking breaks and stretching, but he does it ‘cause he loves you. :)

-If you had top surgery, he LOVES kissing your scars. Or even tracing his fingers over them, through a shirt or not. 

-He totally loves getting you trinkets or literally anything with the trans flag or trans flag colors on it. He buys so many stickers and pins, and even a white, light blue, and light pink plushie he found.

July.25.23

#tf2 #team fortress #team fortress 2 #team fortress two #tf2 x reader #team fortress 2 x reader #tf2 x you #tf2 demo x reader #tf2 demo #tf2 demoman #team fortress demoman #team fortress 2 demoman x reader #x reader #fanfic

[smolltpup]

I invoke my right to throw a pity party and to have all of you listen to this whining bottom who’s feeling insecure.

Typically I’m a switch, I like both topping/bottoming, doming/subbing, but there’s a side of me that gets really insecure cause of my looks, especially when I wanna bottom.

When I see the bottoms on here they get the most popular (even in queer spaces) they’re all small/petite (and even those on the “bigger” side are not that big) with nearly spotless skin, who look like pretty anime boys, are hairless everywhere else but the top of their head which is long and usually full, and oftentimes very very feminine, to the point where, when it comes to trans men at least, misgendering kink is really relevant, and if not that extreme they oftentimes get called/call themselves “boy wife” “house wife” or things similar to that.

I am….not really that. Sure I’m small at 5’4” but I’m fairly….blocky in comparison. I’m not smooth or hairless, I’ve worked on farms/ranches since I was young and currently work blue collar jobs now (imagine affording college lol) which do not tend to make you look pretty lol, and despite being pretty young I have really bad male pattern baldness at 22 and already have very thin hair. Shaving (to the point of hairlessness) makes me feel super dysphoric and I cannot handle a misgendering kink cause it reminds me of some of the things done to me in conversion therapy growing up. And honestly what hurts the most is when people imagine a creepy/“nice” guy they tend to picture people who look like me, people actively make fun of terrible people for the things I have and deal with, and even though I know it’s just jokes and I shouldn’t take them personally it still hurts cause I don’t want to be mistaken for someone like that, cause I don’t think I’m someone like that.

At least when it comes to topping I can like…..prove myself with skills/other things/resources I have, still insecure about my looks but I have more things too offer that can take me away from that, not to mention “ugly bastard” kink/fetish some people have that can help me out a little bit, even though I don’t particularly like it I guess it’s better than nothing.

Idk I just want to be physically wanted and called pretty and attractive without having to physically alter myself in a way that triggers me, or having to wear a mask/covering, or having to angle myself with specific lighting to hide things…..

Also this isn’t meant to hate on anyone mentioned before I talked about my insecurities. I hope they feel as attractive as they look and I hope they are happy and they continue to do what makes them happy ^_^ I’m literally just insecure and jealous.

#rambles #ramblings #insecutiry #trans ns/fw #ftm ns/fw #trans nsft #trans man #t4t ns/fw #t4t sub #t4t bottom #trans bottom #ftm sub #ftm bottom