#but too many able bodied people act like they're the only disabilities ever | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rjalker · 2 years

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anyways I went through the transtape tag on tumblr after I heard about it to see what other people were saying and oh wow. what did I find? so much fucking ableism.

People saying that, because transtape didn't work for them, it doesn't work for anyone, and anyone who says it does is delusional and in a cult, comparing it to snake oil and saying people are brainwashed into pretending it works when it doesn't. (So on top of being ableist towards physically disabled people, now we're adding in ableism towards mental illnessess too!!!)

People saying that, because it didn't work for them, it will never work for anyone, and no one should ever try using it, and why would they want to anyways? Wearing a normal binder is always the best choice, for everyone, all the time, always!

Like literally everyone is perfectly capable of binding and we're just too stupid and lazy to do so -.-

Like disabled people who can't bind without sever injury don't exist and we just don't want to bind to be special -.-

So here's a fucking reminder:

Not everyone can bind. Not everyone can wear a binder. Disabled people fucking exist. No, binding is not the universal solution that everyone can and should use.

For fuck's sake, binding can and does literally fucking injure able-bodied people! and you want to fucking pretend that it's the only option anyone should ever use, and people looking for other options are just stupid and want to feel special or are in a cult?? Are you fucking kidding me????

If you can safely wear a binder, if that works for you, good for you!

But not everyone can safely wear a binder, for so many fucking reasons. Breathing problems, hypermobility problems, literally there are so many fucking health problems that prevent people from binding, I swear to god.

I haven't fucking tried transtape yet because it hasn't been delivered yet, and then I need to make sure I'm not allergic to the adhesive before I can actually start trying to use it.

Before I heard about transtape, I'd fucking resigned myself to the fact that unless I magically get rich over night in order to get top surgery, I was just going to have to deal with having breasts forever.

Because I cannot fucking wear a binder. I have dislocated a rib sweepng the fucking floor, and reaching for a bottle of shampoo. I cannot wear a fucking peice of clothing designed to compress the chest in ways it's not meant to be fucking compressed. I cannot wear a fucking piece of clothing that even the most able-bodied of people cannot breathe properly in and aren't allowed to do strenuous activity of any kind in and have to take off after a few hours so they don't seriously hurt themselves.

I cannot wear a fucking binder.

If transtape or things like it doesn't work for me, then nothing short of literally cutting these useless things off will ever fucking work for me, and that's not currently a fucking option because I'm poor and have no health insurance.

Just because something works for you does not mean it works for everyone. Just because you can safely wear a binder does not mean everyone can.

Just because something does not work for you does not mean it won't work for anyone.

I cannot wear a fucking binder. Do you see me fucking attacking people who can, do you fucking see me saying people who wear binders are lying to themselves and everyone about them working? No. Because I'm not self-centered jackass!

Not everyone can wear a fucking binder, for too many fucking reasons to count.

Stop fucking acting like binding is the only option people should ever use, and they're idiots if they try to find other options.

You people are just being fucking absurdly ableist.

#discussion of ableism #trans #nonbinary #transgender #binding #binder #transtape #Rjalker has fucking EDS #trans hypermobility #nonbinary hypermobility #trans EDS #nonbinary EDS #disabled trans #disabled nonbinary #putting it in fucking tags so people see it because I'm tiredddd

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leophnyx · 6 months

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After getting to socialize on this platform for a bit and know others, I'm feeling comfortable about being more open here. It's such an improvement from the past few years.

I've also noticed that it's reduced my negative reaction to things like blocking. In the past being blocked by others would cause me to spiral, probably because people blocking me or everyone else in the system weren't blocking an authentic version of us. Now? What you see is what you get, if you don't like it then you're free to leave. If someone blocks us I'm more comfortable with it, since they're blocking the real us, and not a nervous act we put on to avoid getting mobbed.

I was reflecting last night on just how much "mature therian" spaces really messed us up. I was on a couple of forums in the late 2010s (namely Werelist and a few others) and honestly I'm tempted to call it a cult during that time period. In those forums you couldn't be human (oh sure, we're all technically human, but don't dare side with their views or feel like them in any way) but you also couldn't feel like other nonhuman types beyond therian and MAYBE otherkin. I remember many threads where people would rant about those "newer otherkin/therians", who didn't take anything seriously and didn't want to maturely analyze their types like the rational therians on that forum.

And the ableism! I remember how the admin made it clear that you didnt want to be like those kids on the short bus (not my phrasing), the adults living in their mom's basement, the people who were never able to get a job and do something with themselves. You have to be human and function in human society (but again, don't empathize too much with humanity or you become the odd one out!) While I can't figure out why figuring out you're an animal in a human body would suddenly change your life path so much so that these become new options, idk, maybe this is an issue therians struggle with lol

And I do feel that held us back somewhat? Like, we were being filled with all these ideas about how tumblr was a toxic terrible place, but here we find ourselves to be the most comfortable. I had to believe and feel that I was a therian, or else be attacked (didn't stop me from being a p-shifter though, so... task failed successfully?) We had to believe every human was bad, every p-shifter was bad, psychotic people are inherently evil (because if you're not lying you're delusional, and that's just as bad in the eyes of many elder therians) and yet, we still socialized with p-shifters, still accepted nonhumans and other humans, and tried to not be as bad as they were being towards people with disabilities.

Even if I wasn't a shifter, I'd still use the label because it seems to offer us a degree of protection from these people and we vibe with shifters so much. Only when you encounter an anti-shifter therian (that isn't using cults as a reason for their apprehension) does the ableism and patronizing come out in full force (with a little bit of racism): 'you can't be this way without suffering from a disorder!', 'you always need treatment, there's no way you could enjoy this', 'you must feel shame for being this way', etc. It's quite infuriating, and I'd rather deal with all of the stigma of the p-shifter label than ever have to deal with that again.

Honestly, I don't know why I stayed. I didn't stay long, I actually spent more of my time around the supernatural groups, but I was around enough for these ideas to touch me and alter my behavior. Oh well, I can cast them off with a little bit of retraining.

#person: soul #therikin #tw abuse #tw ableism #growls

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melissa-kenobi · 3 years

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Scars

Commander Kiri x Reader

A/N: heyyy finally got round to writing a Kiri (OC) x Reader yay! I know I've had alot of requests about it so here it is. It still follows the Fallen Premonitions storyline, but reader doesn't end up with Rex, still has her visions of the future and stuff, also they sorta have a thing for each other ahaha, enjoy! x

📷: @pinkiemme (love it so much)

Word Count: 3.4k

"GENERAL!"

The voice of your Commander echoed through the forest as he rushed after you, avoiding the branches that you force threw at him. Your legs ached with pain as you pushed yourself to run faster, not wanting him to catch up with you.

You were on a relief mission, having finished giving the people what they needed, yourself and your two man squadron decided to explore the planet for a while. Neither of you had ever been here before and the shuttle that was supposed to pick you up had been delayed, so there was no point in rushing. You decided that you might as well explore the place with the boys, seeing as they never have a chance to. Which is how you ended up rushing through a forest, having stolen one of your Commanders treats you paced your way through the forest.

Before you knew it, you ran straight into the chest of Hopper, who stood still, glaring at you, all while you gave him a cheeky smile. "Hops, you good?"

"General, what are you doing?" Hopper asked, a hint of sarcasm laced in his tone. You hid the treat behind your back, keeping it out of sight from Hopper and supposedly Kiri.

You rolled your eyes, letting out a small chuckle as you swerved around Hopper, hiding behind him, your head peaking out from the side as you kept an eye out for your commander.

"Nothing!" You innocently smiled, eyes flittering around. Hopper shook his head in annoyance but continued to let you stand behind him, holding onto his arms as protection.

All of a sudden a tap on your shoulder had you flipping around, eyes wide and mouth open as Kiri smiled back at you. "Gotcha..."

"That's not fair, you cheated!" You moaned as you slumped against Hopper who had turned around, watching his General and Commander interact with a curious glint in his eye.

"You're the one who threw branches at me and stole my treat!" Kiri accused as he sent a soft glare your way.

"Wel-" Your words were cut off as you felt a strange presence, no a dark presence embrace your body. You clutched your head in pain as you stumbled, losing your footing. Your head screamed in pain as you felt the darkness embrace your body, you legs weakening as you fell limp. The troopers acted quickly, grabbing you before you could fall to the ground and hurt yourself further.

"General? Are you okay?" Kiri asked, eyes full of concern as he held you in his arms. Hopper checked your pulse only to find a faint beat as he shook you gently trying to wake you up.

"She's not responsive!" Hopper panicked, eyes wide as he looked at Kiri. The Commander picked you up, one hand around your legs and the other around your back as he carried you across to the village. Hopper scurried ahead, looking for the villagers who they had just spoken with, only to find the village completely empty.

"Kiri, there's no-one there! They've all disappeared!"

Kiri furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, eyes flickering around, looking for a safe place to put you. He looked down at you in his arms, your face pale and unconscious as made a split second decision. "Hopper, check that hut over there for supplies, we'll have to make camp here. But be on the lookout, I don't know what's happened but I'll try to contact General Kenobi."

Hopper nodded in understanding, his face stern as he knew your life was on the line.

***

It had been at least an hour since the three of you had made camp. Hopper had found a bundle of material, wrapping you up warm while you shivered unconsciously. You kept mumbling some words, neither Kiri nor Hopper knew what was going on. They had tried to contact General Kenobi but to their disadvantage they couldn't, the signal had been ripped from the village, almost as if this all débâcle was planned.

The boys took it in turns to stay by the fire at your side while the other kept guard by the entrance of the hut they were staying in. Hopper was currently on door duty while Kiri sat besides you, fiddling with his comms, trying to get a signal or something to someone.

"D-dooku...Kiri....H-hops... careful..."

Kiri instantly dropped his comm, his hands coming to hold you down as you shuffled and fought in your sleep. Kiri eventually calmed your down, his body twisting to face you as he gently cupped your cheek, eyes soft as he watched you mumble words. His name to be specific. The very one you had given him, the one he was oh-so proud of.

"Kiri..."

Kiri let out a deep sigh, his eyebrows furrowing as he took a quick glance at Hopper who was focuced on the outdoors before he turned back and spoke to you.

"Cyar'ika, c'mon Y/N, I can't have you dying on me, not when we've just begun. We haven't even had time for a proper mission, or even spend time together." Kiri whispered those few words, hoping Hopper didn't hear him. He leaned down and placed a small kiss on your forehead, leaning down to place his own on yours as he whispered.

"Come back to us. Come back to me."

***

"Kiri! There's some Civ's rolling in!"

Kiri quickly got up, but not before squeezing your hand in comfort, he could have sworn he felt you squeeze back but it could have just been wishful thinking, or he was thinking with his heart.

"They don't look like regular civilians..." Kiri noted as he stood besides Hopper who pulled out his scopes, trying to figure out who the people were.

"That's because they're not! They're clankers! Kriff! Kiri we have to get out of here!"

"We can't!" Kiri instantly turned his head towards your unconscious body in the hut. "She's too weak, we can't move her!"

"Well we have to, otherwise we'll be crushed into pieces and none of us will ever make it out alive!" Hopper retorted, he'd been in a situation like this before with you. But you had been conscious, you had been his saviour, his beacon of hope, but now you were the one who needed the help. That was on of the worst days of his life, but when he saw your face alongside General Plo, he knew it would be alright. You'd taken him into your battalion, practically begged General Plo until he caved and you had been glued to each other since. Hopper wasn't too happy with the way you handled the 265th but you were- no are a good General. He wasn't going to give up on you yet.

"Kiri, you defend! I'll get the General!" Hopper ordered. Kiri panicked, not wanting Hopper to take you, he wanted to be the one, not that he didn't trust Hopper because he did. He just didn't trust himself, would he be able to concentrate when your life was on the line?

No.

He would have to. For his brothers. For you.

Kiri nodded in confirmation as he took out his twin blasters, ready to defend. He started shooting the clankers that came anywhere near the hut, giving Hopper the chance to pick you up and run. Kiri followed suit, but so did the droids, gaining on them as they made their way through the forest, Hopper going as fast as he could, with you slung over his shoulder one hand clutching your back as he shot with the other. Kiri blasting the droids left and right, each one falling down just as quick, but the other behind gaining speed as they soon started to overwhelm the two soldiers.

"Hopper, I can't- I need your help! There are too many of them!" Kiri yelled over the noise of blasters being shot, he narrowly missed a blaster blot being shot into his arm as swooped to te left. Hopper glanced over to Kiri, having taken refuge behind a tree, his back facing Hopper all hope lost from his face, as he breathed heavily. The droids were gaining on them as he took a quick glance. Hopper hid behind a tree, gently placing you on the ground as he placed a small kiss on your forehead whispering a small prayer in mando'a before rushing over to help Kiri.

"What's the plan General?" Hopper asked immediately as he rushed over to Kiri, back to back as they shot the driods that were coming in left and right.

"We need to take out those destroyers!" Kiri stated as he signalled to his right, the two destroyers that were gaining on them. Hopper nodded in confirmation, as he pulled out a grenade, already throwing it in the direction of the destroyers, disabling their shields allowing Kiri to shoot at them, instantly destroying them. But it wasn't enough, they still had droids coming in left and right.

Out of nowhere a force of something threw all the droids back, instantly crushing them to the ground, only leaving the destroyers up, with their shields down, giving the boys a split second to glance back and see you stood there, hands out, a small smile on your face.

"Go..." You whispered, just loud enough for the boys to hear before you gripped onto the tree for support as the troopers quickly looked at each other, eyes filled with fear, not sure whether to go to you or the destroyers. But alas their prayers were answered when several Republic gunships flew in. Generals' Kenobi and Skywalker flying into battle alongside some of thier troopers, giving Kiri and Hopper the chance to rush over to you.

They were too late, Dooku had you in his grip, ready to fly off with you before Kiri blasted his bolts at him, eyes furious as he saw your limp body be dragged away. "Y/N!"

Kiri rushed over to Dooku, blasters held high but never stood a chance against Dooku before he was swept aside like a doll. Dooku regarded this gesture carefully as he watched the young soldier call out your name, leaving his own defenses open. Anakin jumped in at the right time, lightsaber at the ready while he forced pulled your body from Dooku's grip and into his arms. Dooku having already seen your Commander to his left had signalled them to take him instead.

"Kiri! No!" You yelled weakly, tugging on Anakins arms, trying, pleading with him to save Kiri.

"We can't Y/N!" Anakin apologised softly as he watched Dooku fly away, your Commander trapped with the Separatists, all while you stood helpless. You spotted Kiri's helmet, picking it up as you clutched it to your chest, not wanting to let your feelings out in front of Anakin. You caressed the helmet, thumb rubbing over the four arrows marked on it, they represented each of your little squadron, yourself, Hopper, Jester and Luka.

"We'll get you back Kiri. I promise."

***

Coruscant - Council Chambers

"Master Windu, I sugge-"

"No. I'm sorry Y/N, but the council have decided that this mission is far too risky. We can only put our faith in Commander Kiri's hands and hope that he returns to us." Master Windu spoke sternly, eyes fixated on you.

"Bu- I can't let him die! He's my Commander!" You retorted, eyes furrowed in anger.

"We can always get you another one Y/N."

The look of disbelief that crossed your face was more than enough for you to burst out your thoughts. "Then we are no better than the Separatists! Leaving a man behind because he's a clone, because, what, he is replaceable? So are the Jedi, but that doesn't mean you wouldn't at least try and go after them! That is not what the Jedi stand for and not what I signed up for!"

"Y/N! Control yourself." Master Kenobi spoke, eyes sending a warning look at you, instantly telling you to mind your tongue. Obi-Wan's disapproval only angered you further, you wouldn't leave Kiri by himself, not when he sacrificed himself to save you. Why they had taken him was beyond you, but you promised you would get him back.

And you would. Whatever it took. Whether you had the blessing from the council or not.

You bowed in respect. "My apologies Master. I spoke out of turn.. I am just worried about my Commander. He is one of the finest, most loyal person I have ever worked with, and I do consider Kiri a dear friend."

Master Windu nodded in acknowledgement, your apology accepted. "I understand young one, but this matter is out of your hands, as well as the councils."

You nodded in confirmation, ready to leave the council room before Master Yoda called for you. "Yes Master Yoda?"

"Speak to you I wish, in private." Master Yoda asked as he signalled for the other members to leave the room, Obi-Wan placing a hand on your shoulder in comfort before he followed the others out the room.

"What is it Master Yoda?"

"Y/N, sensed a great disturbance in the force I do. Careful you must be when rescuing your Commander."

Your mouth fell open out of shock. "Master Yoda! I-i er, it has been forbidden by the Council, I cannot go!"

"Matter it does not. Ever Clone matters to us, do they not?" You nodded. "Then you will go. Skywalker will go with you, careful you must be Y/N. Dooku looks for you."

"Yes Master Yoda." You knew not to question Master Yoda, especially when he had just given you permission to get Kiri back.

***

"Tell me... Commander... why is she so special? Why do you resist telling me about her?"

The low tones of Asajj Ventress' voice echoed through the tunnels of Dooku's fortress. Her longer fingernails traced the Commanders face, running from the tip of his eyebrow, down his cheek to his lip, before she squeezed his chin in her hands, forcing him to look at her.

Kiri was pinned against the wall on a durasteel contraption, hand held above his head and his leg split apart as they were held down by the same material. His helmet was long gone, probably still stuck on that godforsaken planet, he'd have to get a new one when he got back. If he ever got back. All Kiri could think about was if you were safe, if you made it out alive. He prayed that you did, that whatever he tried to do kept you safe, kept you alive. Your life was worth a million of his, and he was glad that it was him here, instead of you.

"I'll never give you what you want!" Kiri rumbled out, taking deep breaths as she squeezed his windpipe with her bare hands, not using the force.

Ventress growled in anger as he slapped his face, Kiri's head slapping the hard metal as he grunted in slight pain.

"Fine. I guess we'll have to do things the old fashioned way." Ventress taunted as she pulled out a flaring hot viroblade, waving it in the air as she approached Kiri. The blade taunting his skin, as she pressed it slowly, into his upper lip, carving it into his skin. Kiri screamed out, the pain that he was experiencing was excruciating, but it was nothing compared to how he felt when he almost lost you.

Kiri prayed to the maker above, for someone to help him, to hear his pleas, but it was useless. Ventress pulled the viroblade from his face, cleaning the blood off it before hovering over his face again. "It would be a shame to mess this pretty little face up, wouldn't it?"

"Then again, there are several of you clones. Who cares if there's one that's a little bit damaged, or even one less?"

"I do."

Kiri's eyes widened in shock as he saw you approch, your robes swaying behind you as Anakin and Ahsoka followed behind, your twin lightsabers out, a fierce grown painted on your face. Kiri could have sworn he was in heaven, an angel had come to save him, one that had taken the form of you, he would die happily, his last thoughts and visions of you. His eyes started to droop slowly to sleep, as the last thing he remembered was the soft tones of your voice calling his name out.

***

Medical Bay

"Look who's finally awake!"

Luka grinned happily as he hugged his brother, trying his best not to further injure him. Jester copied Luka, giving Kiri a large hug, causing him to slightly wince in pain. Hopper stood on his left as he placed a hand on his shoulder, sending a small smile his way, happy to see his brother alive and well.

"Good to see you back with us Commander."

"Glad to see you too boys." Kiri laughed, although his tone was a little off as Hopper noticed Kiri looking around anxiously.

"She's at a debriefing. Broke a lot of Jedi rules to come get you."

"I-i didn't sa-"

"You didn't have to vod. We already know." Luka smiled, patting Kiri on the arm.

"Already know what?" Your angelic tone echoed through Kiri's room as you entered, a large grin plastered across your face as you saw Kiri wide awake. Kiri's eyes widened in surprise as he wondered if you had overheard their conversation.

The boys quickly looked at each other, before Hopper spoke up, covering up what Kiri had practically confessed to them. "That Ventress got away again."

You rolled your eyes at his statement, taking a seat at the end of Kiri's bed. "She's a coward. She'll always run."

Your boys nodded in agreement, happy to accept whatever it was that you said, moving away from Kiri's confession. "Anyways, I brought some sweets! I bought them from a vendor in Central Coruscant, the twi'lek said they were the sweetest, so I hope they are."

You handed out a packet to each of the boys who looked at them in glee, Jester already stuffing his face with them while Hopper looked sceptical at the sight of them.

"Oh, Hops, they're not gonna harm you! It's just a sweet! Look I'll eat one!" You popped one in your mouth, chewing on the sweet delicacy as you hummed in pleasure. "Here look, Kiri have one!" You took one out, hand coming up to place one in Kiri's mouth when your eyes stopped on the scar that had formed across his upper lip.

It was a deep nasty cut that left a horrible scar, one that you were partially responsible for. "Sorry..." You mumbled, eyes downcast. Hopper could feel the tension a mile away, luckily though before he could intervene, Captain Rex knocked on the door asking for your troopers to report to General Kenobi for their next assignment. The boys said thier goodbyes before leaving you and Kiri alone in the room.

"I am so sorry Kiri! I wish you didn't have to go through all of that, I wish I- we could have done something sooner." Your guilty eyes falling on the scar, and the brusies that scorned his beautiful face.

"Hey, at least we both made it out alive. You saved me, remember? You came back for me."

"I know. But I could have been too late. What would Ventress have done to you if we hadn't arrived on time? If I hadn't gone against the councils wishes? I-i don't know what I would have done." You sighed, feeling the emotions you bottled creep up on you slowly.

"I wish I could take all the pain away for you." You lift a hand, tracing a finger over the scar as Kiri winces slightly, eyes closing in content at your soft fingers tracing his skin.

"You already have."

You look up to Kiri in confusion, eyes caught with his as you leaned in, Kiri simultaneously leaning in too. Your hand moving to trace his cheek as he brought his hand to cup your face his his large hands, bringing your closer as your lips finally met. Eyes closing in content as you felt Kiri's soft lips pressed against yours, the scar brusing your top lip as he pulled away, forehead pressed against you as he smiled happily.

"I would do it all again if it meant keeping you safe."

***

Taglist: @tobitofunction @pinkiemme @shadowfoxey @yamaktaria @callme-eds @starwarsworld

#fallen premonitions #commander kiri x reader #commander kiri #265th battalion #clone trooper x reader #clone trooper luka #clone trooper jester #clone trooper hopper #star wars #anakin skywalker #obi wan kenobi #ahsoka tano #star wars prequels #captain rex #the clone wars #clone x reader #clones x reader #clone oc x reader #clone ocs

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0135719186420 · 3 years

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People need to worry less about if they are going to make it to heaven in the next life and be more concerned with saving those who are living in hell this life, right now. Humanity has such potential for greatness but we are as a species consumed with what do I get out of it. We have people suffering, if everyone gets the help they need when they need it that's help for you, your children, family, friends, neighbors. The more we lift others the more we lift ourselves. Do unto others as you would have done to you changes the world. Too many people feel burned by it, but it's only the pain from the light inside you burning against the darkness. If God makes the light within us burn for eternity, they are not the fires of damnation but like the fires of a star just born in the heavens further casting out the darkness. Let there be light!

I was a caregiver for 16 years. I watched like an angel of death as my grandmothers body weakened and betrayed her, as my mother in laws body betrayed her, and as my wife's body betrayed her. I have searched for God my whole life, I didn't find God in the bible though it pointed me in the right direction. I found God in love. Heaven and hell as twin sides of the same coin. Pain comes from love, just like the pain I carry every single day in my heart. Love is like a dagger you willingly plunge into your heart. I lost everything, 3 houses I inherited went right back into caring for others. I have a van now, a few trinkets, and the knowledge I did everything I could my whole life til now. I don't care about the things, what I miss is feeding the ducks with my wife, hearing my grandmother sing, my mother in law call my wife with an annoyingly screechy "Juuuuday!" instead of Judy. I miss sitting in my Grandfathers lap as he said "Howdy Partner!", I miss my Mom being younger and us listening to "Cherry Bomb" in the car everyday while I had a broken leg the summer after my Grandfather passed away. I wanted to save the world, I couldn't even save the people I loved most in this world from suffering and dying. Maybe though if people can care just a little bit more we won't have to witness and feel quite as much suffering. It's cruel to watch someone on a fixed income struggle to choose blood pressure meds over pain meds because they can't afford both, so you make the choice to help because you would want that for you. Unfortunately it seems people only care if you have a bath because they don't want to smell you than to know you're not wasting away in your own filth because you can't get in and out of the tub anymore. I have memories that felt like a scene out of a war zone, my wife struggling after falling and her grasped around my neck pleading because the position she fell in was bending her knee too far and was hurting and I'm lifting with all of my might with 911 on the way but her in excruciating pain and begging me to help. Getting her in the bed and rolling her in because she's too close to the edge. Steadying her as she walked, making sure she got hot meals because she couldn't stand long. This is to the end of doing this for 16 years, and finally my soul mate is snatched away from me too.

I'm still trying to help people, though I'm on disability, broken emotionally, and stay depressed most of the time. I give rides with the last thing I have in this world.

Don't Give Up... Shine brighter, burn yourself as bright as you can until you burn out, glow as an ember, and then die knowing that regardless if there's a next life, you made this one count.

The sad truth is very few will ever see this and actually respond, I could publish my life story shouting it from the rooftop and giving away copies and most people would discard it. This is for those who wouldn't obviously but more so that one day even after I'm gone when some archivist going through the internet to understand what today's world of humanity actually possessed when they look back at people who polluted and destroyed the planet and allowed so many to fall through the cracks of a society that was proclaimed as the pinnacle of human civilization. Money is the thing that divides people more than any ideology ever could, because it creates greed, it creates selfishness, I had no worries about money growing up so I saw the people around me as valuable and more so than things. I gave up everything because of how I was raised, because I was taught love not greed. The true message I want people to know is that things and lack of needs create more negativity in people's lives and thus they pull more into themselves becoming more selfish. I feel it sometimes with sleight hints of resentment, but I made my choices, I had the knowledge and resources to make my life anything I wanted but the people in my life were more important than all the things I could have had all to myself. I try to be good but it's a matter of perspective. Learning how to help is difficult and complex. Most people don't get this because of greed or self centered thinking caused by how our society is built. You help someone by doing everything for them and they loose more ability to do for themselves, it's a balancing act that I can't imagine being able to balance for most people when they're struggling to survive. Self awareness doesn't translate to awareness of others and we can easily hurt instead of help if we are not fully mindful of the delicate balancing act of caring for one another.

I have been blessed. More ways than one can imagine, an easy life without struggle doesn't push you to explore the deepest recesses of yourself, understand others, or seek to the ends of infinity in your mind for meaning from a God that you don't know if they're there but hope and develop logic and emotions in a balance of tempered reason. Pure logic might say if you are suffering and going to die anyway eventually to just end it now but compassion and understanding bring you to the understanding that it is not up to anyone to decide that within reason. I thought death might be more compassionate at times but as with everything there is a balance and only through widening our perception can we ever understand ourselves and others and the truths about life death and the universe and existence that elude most people and even when it is perceived being able to rationalize that it's still subjective to the individual.

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