I originally wrote this back in 2019 in response to someone saying:
So, let me get this straight... the entire religion (of Judaism) is built around legal loopholes? Is that what I’m gathering here? (Feel free to correct me!)
And it remains relevant to people (gentiles) who characterize Judaism as rules lawyering or all about loopholes or worse, who imply we are trying to be "sneaky" or "pull one over on God."
My answer:
the religion is built around living in an ethical society per our contract (covenant) with G-d. but you can’t just have a bunch of words without putting them to use, & understanding them in practice, you know? the fulfillment of the covenant is a living discussion.
it’s not legal loopholes, because a loophole is often an inadequacy in the law that gets taken advantage of, but these are all built-in, part of our understanding. In this case, we have a contract (covenant), and we’re going to put it to use in every way possible, explore every inch of it, turn it inside out, and apply it to real life examples, define the parameters, argue those definitions, and then survey the conclusions.
I can say “you need to say the evening shema (a prayer) in the evening” but we can’t just say that, we need to explore a bunch of related things, like:
when in the evening does this happen? is there a difference between twilight and evening? if we say the evening prayer can be said from the time the priests partake of teruma, then when is that? if it’s the first watch of the evening, how many watches are there? if you were out all night for a wedding, but it’s not yet dawn, is it too late to recite the evening prayer? — IN SEVERAL THOUSAND YEARS, KE$HA WILL WRITE TIK TOK, AND WE’LL NEED TO KNOW WHAT TO DO IN CASE OF PARTYING UNTIL YOU SEE SUNLIGHT!
— when do they (the priests) ritually bathe in preparation for this [taking of teruma]? what about when poor people who cannot afford extra candles - do we consider how early they eat an evening meal in order to make sure they can afford the light [when we define evening]?
why did we discuss evening prayer before morning prayer? why does torah give us night before day? when is bedtime for most people? can we say the evening prayer until dawn? if yes, people might put off the prayer until dawn, which could lead to laziness or mistakes. a
lso, when is dawn? but more prudently at the moment, when is evening? evening is when the stars are visible, but...how many stars? also, if you are lying alone in a dark house and can’t see the sky, how do you determine if it is too early or too late for your evening shema?
and that whole discussion is from the beginning of the Talmud, in its hyper-condensed form. That is what we do.
It’s not a series of loopholes and ways to weasel out of doing something. It's an intentional exploration of how something is done right, what doing it means, how we can accomplish it.
nothing gets taken for granted, everything is questioned, debated, discussed until it is understood enough to be applicable. and there may be lots of ways to understand.
if someone sees this line of thinking and goes “ah, loopholes to get out of it/wiggle away from it,” then you are mistaking lacework for loopholes.
....and if Kesha sees sunlight, it is now too late for her to say her bedtime shema. she should recite morning shema instead.
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Little Miss Director and Starboy.
Pairing: Hayden Christensen x Reader.
Summary: The timeline of how Hayden gradually fell in love with her until he was madly in love, to the point of no returning.
Word count: 8.457
Warnings: Not much actually, age-gap and a slow burn.
Author’s note: It’s the first time I write something about Hayden so I hope you like it. I have nothing against his private life nor his love ones, this is just for fun. With that been said, I had this idea in my head for a long time and it will have two more parts.
gif credits @haydenchristensengifs
When he was offered the role of Anakin again for Obi-Wan’s series, he jumped in without thinking twice and that’s how he met her. He saw her face for the first time on a tiny screen on his phone. The first few things he noticed about her were that she used glasses, her voice was sweet, that she smiled pretty much all the time and that she was young, several years younger than him.
May 2019, first meetings.
She was very polite and enthusiastic, telling him all about the ideas for the series and explaining everything about the project. Maybe revealing a few things she shouldn’t but he didn’t care. She kept it professional but light, which he thanked because acting formally in the comfort of his house while wearing joggers and slippers was a no can do.
A few weeks after that he hopped in a plane and flew all the way to the studios, where she worked, to meet with her and talk about the project. He was directed to her office, where she was supposed to be expecting him but she wasn’t. “I’m sorry Mr. Christensen, but she will arrive in a few minutes.” The boy behind the desk said with a polite smile. “Please follow me.” He got up and walked towards an office at the end of the hallway. “You can wait for her in her office.” He opened the door. “Feel free to get comfortable.” The boy smiled. “Would you like something to drink?”
Hayden looked around the room, it was big; but not too big, painted white with big windows that let all the light enter and a little sofa with a desk in the middle. “No, thank you.” But the main thing he noticed was the lack of personal things in it. No photos on the desk, instead, little drawings stuck to the computer and an old video camera from the ‘90s on one of the shelves, which he found odd.
He stood watching the window and how the sun illuminated everything around. A couple of minutes passed by when he heard voices outside the office. “Hi, Charlie, how are you?” The same sweet voice reached his ears. Some muffled words and the sound of boots against the floor. "What? He's in there?” She whispered-shouted. “He's early!” It was true, Hayden was early. A trait he picked up from his father. "I know!" The boy at the reception whispered-shouted too. "He’s cute.” Hayden smiled a little at the words. “Charlie! Unprofessional.” It wasn’t as if he was eavesdropping, they just happened to be speaking not so quietly. “I’m not ready.” He heard her say. “Yes, you are.” The boy encouraged her. More muffled sounds reached his ear. “Fake it, till you make it.” He smiled at the phrase and moments later the door was opened.
He turned around and she was there with a nervous smile on her lips, not like the ones he saw on Facetime. “Hi.” She said, blushing a little.
The brunette walked closer to greet her properly. “Hello.”
“Wow, you are tall.” She said rapidly under her breath, but he heard it, making him laugh.
“I got that a lot.” He extended his hand and she shook it. To the list of things he noticed about her, he added that her hands were cold, despite the warm weather outside, and full of small classy silver rings. She apologised about it but he was focused on looking at her. She was small, a little smaller than average, barely reaching his chin. Dressed in black Doc Martens, light colour jeans, a fitted black t-shirt and a red leather coat. Long straight hair and no glasses on.
She hung her bag and coat and smiled at him, a more natural one. “Can I offer you something? Tea? Coffee? Orange Juice?”
“A tea would be nice, thank you.” She nodded and ordered Charlie, the boy behind the desk at the front, a tea and a coffee.
“Shall we?” She gestured to the sofa for them to sit down.
He tilted his head to the side. “By all means, it’s your office.” He let her walk in front of him, as the gentleman he was taught to be.
She looked around with a tiny smile on her lips. “Yeah, I still don’t believe it.”
“You have a beautiful view.” He added.
“Yeah, doesn't it?” She asked happily and looked around. “First of all," he was the object of her gaze again. "thank you for coming all the way here just to chat about this.”
“Not at all, it’s a pleasure. And far easier than talking on the phone.” He sat more comfortably.
She laughed and nodded. “I like this kind of human contact, I feel like there’s nothing left to guess, or misunderstood, and I also believe it is more personal.” He agreed, noticing she moved her leg nervously. Another thing to add to his list about her. “I will try to not occupy much of your time and don’t bore you.” She joked.
But he shook his head “No, nothing of that.” trying to reassure her.
A knock on the door interrupted him. “Sorry.” She got up and opened the door. Charlie entered with the two cups and left them on the desk. “Thank you very much, Charlie.” The boy smiled and walked away. “Sugar? Sweetener?” She offered him.
“Sugar, it's fine.” She passed him the little packets while she poured a little one of sweeteners into her cup. The pleased smile on her lips, when she took the first sip, would always be tattooed on his mind.
Hayden asked the normal things about the project and she told him everything she could about it. Slowly, bit by bit, he saw how she was more nervous-free and how excited she was for all the things she was telling him about. “But it’s still in diapers, we are still figuring things out. I’m still figuring things out.” She played with her hands. “The writers started putting everything on paper and I’m working with the executive producers about the cast.” She ended with a smile.
“It’s your first big project?” He asked, taking a sip of his tea. She laughed a little, moving her head side to side, it wasn’t a yes but neither a no. “How old are you?” That was a question he had in mind for a while and hoped it didn't sound rude.
“Twenty-seven.” He raised his eyebrows, surprised. “I know, too young and very big, immense, shoes to fill.” She said with a bored tone like she got that too much.
Hayden shook his head. “I was 19 when I took the role of Anakin and felt the same way. Everything is going to be fine.” She looked at him a little unsure. “If they choose you to be here, it’s because you are the best. Don’t let them intimidate you, otherwise they will eat you alive.”
She smiled at him, big and brightly. “Thank you, Hayden, truly.” Her eyes accompanied the smile, kind and truthful.
All of a sudden, he turned shy by being under her gaze- What? Shy? Come on man. -so he shrugged and changed the subject. Trying for his life to not blush at how sincere and kind her eyes looked at him moments prior.
October 2019, surprise surprise.
By the second time they met in person, they had been talking a couple more times by the phone, she asked a few things about what he felt about Anakin, what were his thoughts about him and things like that.
Hayden was walking towards her office, for some reason he wanted to see her before going to meet with the writers, executives and a few of the characters for the first reading of the script, which was going to take a few days, to see if everything was going according to plan, smoothly.
He entered the office and Charlie was there, sitting behind the desk, just like all those months before. They made small talk while the boy accompanied him to her office. When he opened the door, she was looking down at some papers on the desk and her hair was up supported by a pen. “Perfect, Charlie, sorry to bother you, but I'' Who apologised to his assistant for asking something? Always so polite.
When she looked up, her eyes opened big in surprise at seeing him. Hayden realised she was wearing the glasses she wore when they first met and that with the light entering the room her eyes shined. Maybe it was my presence? No, it couldn’t be. It was 100% the light, for sure. “Hello.” He said with a kind smile on his lips.
“Hi.” She smiled brightly, just like she usually did. Usually as in the two times he saw her, one in person and the other by a screen. “You are early.” She looked at the watch on her right wrist.
“Again.” He joked earning a laugh from her.
“Please, make yourself comfortable.” She pointed at the sofa where he sat months ago, a vase with white jasmines on the little table there. “Tea?” He nodded and when she was about to ask Charlie the boy nodded and walked away with a tiny smile on his lips.
He, for sure, made himself comfortable and started walking around the office. It didn’t seem empty as it did before, now it had books on the shelves; a few more drawings, it was more cosy, and the same video camera was still there on one of the shelves. He traced it with his finger, slowly, trying to not damage it. “That camera was the thing that started everything, it was my father’s but I made it mine.” Her sweet voice became sweeter.
“It was your first camera?” He turned around to look at her and she nodded with a smile on her lips. Was she always smiling?
“I used to record everything around me with it.” The papers on her desk were long forgotten. “Everything that made me happy, to never forget it.”
He smiled at her way of seeing things. “You still do?”
She hummed. “From time to time, when I’m utterly, incandescently, happy.” He was about to comment on that but she interrupted him. “Besides, vintage makes everything look good.” She laughed and he did too.
Charlie entered right when their laughs were in sync and their eyes shined. “Your tea, Mr. Christensen.” The boy left the drink on the small table there and walked away with a smirk on his lips.
“Are you ready for today?” With a few strikes, he sat on the sofa facing her. She nodded, biting her lips, while arranging the stacks of papers on her desk. He was about to comment on something about her nervous behaviour but chose against it, afraid of making her more nervous. “Did you eat something?” She shook her head. “You want me to grab you a coffee or something?”
She looked up to him. The same kind eyes of all those months back were looking at him “No, thank you.” and shook her head. “If I drink coffee now I’m afraid I will not be able to sit still on the reading table.” A little laugh escaped his lips and the same shyness, and blush, from months ago, appeared again making him clear his throat. Get it together.
With small talk, his attempt to take her mind out of what was about to happen, the time had passed and they had to go to meet the rest to do the first reading table. They exited the office and, as the gentleman he was, he offered to carry all the papers in her hands, but she refused it. Claiming that she was more than capable of doing it herself.
For the first time since he saw her that day, he paid attention to her whole outfit and it was much more formal than the one she used the first day they met. Little heels that made her reach his mouth, black tights, a skirt with a little cut on the side that fitted quite well and a black shirt with the first two buttons undone. And she smelled like jasmine, like the ones in her office.
They reached the room where everything was going to unfold and she stopped a few meters from the door. “You okay?” Hayden asked her and she nodded. “You need a minute?” She nodded again and he gave it to her, even took a step back and let her gather her strength.
The brunette watched her take a few deep breaths and move her head from side to side. “Okay, you got this.” He heard her mumble and a smile appeared on his lips. After a few seconds, she turned around and looked at him. “Ready when you are,” she joked.
He got closer to her laughing, “Ready.” She nodded and he held the door for her to enter first, he walked after her.
Ewan was already there, the executives and the three writers too. The two long-time friends hugged each other and caught up for a few minutes. “Have you already met our amazing, incredible, director?” The Scottish man asked.
“Yes, I had the pleasure,” Hayden said, looking around for her. She was standing by his side moments ago and now she wasn’t.
“She’s amazing, I have been working with her since the beginning and I promise you are going to be blown away by her.” Ewan was more excited by all that was happening than any of them.
“I have not a single doubt,” his eyes found her in the mess of people and a smile appeared on his lips.
Four days of the same routine, Hayden would arrive every day a little earlier than the prior just to sit in her office and talk to her. Some days Charlie would have a tea already in the making for him and others he would carry a coffee with a chocolate muffin in hand for her because she tended to not eat.
And his list of things he noticed about her would keep getting longer. Her favourite colour was red, she had a sweet tooth, and jasmines and yellow daffodils were her favourite flowers, she used normal glasses when her eyes got irritated after using lenses all the time; plus according to her, they added dramatic effect when she was stressed, she was left-handed, that she scrunched her nose, but her brows didn’t frown, when she didn’t like something and that she truly, and naturally, was a smiley person. All the things he noticed weren’t personal stuff, she was pretty reserved and he could resemble her about that.
It was the last day of the reading table and truth be told, the script was garbage. It was the same thing as the series that were already being streamed. All those days, and hours spent were futile, the ones he had to be seated at that table, not the ones he was seated on the sofa in her office. They all tried to bring something to the table for the script to work, but it was useless. Everyone knew it and someone had to rip the bandaid off.
“Well...” the executive producer began, “thoughts?” And they all looked at her.
As if she could feel all the gazes on her, she looked up. “Sincerely?” And they nodded. She looked around the room, Hayden could see her demeanour changed as if she had built a wall inside her and was ready for anything. “It’s the same thing we saw billions of times.” She was straightforward. “If we keep this way, the critic is going to smash us.” She voiced what all of them were thinking.
“Excuse me?” One of the writers said.
She frowned, “we are making a series about an icon of the cinematography universe, whose story is tightly intertwined with one of the biggest villains of history, about a universe that changed lives and the way of seeing cinema and this script-” she picked it up “does not reflect that.” The nervous girl Hayden saw before was left at the door and seated with him was a decisive woman, with her work pants well put on and a clear idea in mind. "This script is too small for a production as big as this one, as awaited as this one."
“And what would you know about making a script for a production this big?” The writer looked at her up and down. “You are just a child, you are too small a director for a production like this.” All the people in the room were surprised at such harsh, disrespectful, words. “Little Miss Director.” He added with a derogatory tone.
Ewan and Hayden were ready to chime in, along with a few other people on the crew, but she beat them to it. “First of all, you are excused.” She raised her chin and sat straight. “Second, I formed myself, I studied and improved after every project I made, it didn't matter how little it was.” Long was gone the sweet tone she carried. “I'm worthy of being here, believe me, I am one of the best out there and I have the skills to direct this project.” She had a cold look in her eyes. “If this is your script, which I guess it is, by how offended you are getting at hearing my honest opinion, maybe it’s you who does not know about big productions.”
The silence that fell upon the room was a sepulchral one, not even a fly flew around. She kept her gaze on the writer until he stormed off the room, followed by a bang from the door. They all looked that way, but Hayden kept his eyes on her and caught the moment when she let go of a shaky breath and played with one of the many rings on her fingers. Their eyes connected and he frowned, asking a silent question, but she just gave him a small smile, reassuring him she was fine.
After apologies from the executive producers and the writers on behalf of the rude partner, they all agreed with her that the script was awful and that she was right. Ideas came and went but nothing seemed to fit and be worthy of, the concept they had in mind. “You worked as a writer too for the projects you were on, didn't you?" Ewan asked, looking at her. "Besides, directing them.”
She narrowed her eyes. “Yes…”
“They were very good, award-worthy.” He added making her open her eyes big, Hayden frowned. But when she was going to answer, the Scottish talked again. “Why don’t you write something?”
She seemed caught off guard, Hayden watched how her lips parted a little and her eyes scanned the room, while Ewan had a kind smile on his lips. After all, he was one of the executive producers and he had that kind of power at the table. “Yeah, we will meet in a couple of months and we will discuss it again.” Another executive producer said.
She looked even more surprised, her brows a little more raised than before. “We can work with you, discuss ideas and build the story together.” One of the writers said while the other nodded eagerly. “We will help each other and it would be an honour for us.”
A smile appeared on her lips, but Hayden realised it was a nervous one; not like the ones he saw her make when she took a sip of her coffee, or when she talked about the video camera in her office. “Yeah, okay.” The confident woman who put the idiot writer in his place was gone and the same nervous girl who was left outside the room appeared again. “We can do that. There are a few ideas in here that we can use as a base and build upon them.” She nodded looking at the script as if it was going grow a mouth and eat her alive
The meeting finished after a few minutes and they talked about schedules for the future, which was uncertain until the scripts were ready. When Hayden got up to talk to her she was already on her way to walk away from the room, like her life depended on it, and was left to talk with Ewan, not that he didn’t like catching up with his friend, but if he was honest, he was a little worried about her.
January 2020, first vestiges of emotions.
The last time the pair saw each other they couldn't even have the chance to say goodbye because when Hayden went to her office to talk to her, Charlie told him she was already gone for the day and he was flying back to Canada in a few hours. He weighed the options of calling her, or sending her a text, to ask if everything was fine but in the end, he desisted, to not come up as dense.
To his surprise, she texted him a few weeks after their last encounter, a simple hello, sorry to bother you, and presenting herself, as if he didn’t know who she was. All that to talk about work, about the script she, and the other writers, were working on.
Finally, it was time to see them, the team, in person. To see her in person. Their routine was picked up where they left it, him taking her a coffee and muffin and a hot tea waiting for him at her desk, and, of course, he arrived early.
“Hello, Charlie,” Hayden said as soon as he passed the door from his office floor.
“Hello, Mr. Christensen,” The boy said, despite the multiple times he told him to call him by his name and not that formal title. “She will arrive shortly, you can come in,” Charlie said with a smile on his lips. “You already know the way.”
Laughing a little, he walked towards her office. There were new drawings on the shelves, still no photos, the video camera was still in place and the smell of jasmine was still there. The sticky posts on the computer were there and despite all his mother's teachings that what he was going to do was impolite, he did it. Slowly he walked to the other side of her desk and readed them. 'Most Ardently’ was writing in one of them with a little heart and clear handwriting, ‘Shine on, you crazy diamond. Love, the kids and I’ that one made him frown. She was married with kids? The kids would explain all the drawings, but she never mentioned anything about kids when he talked about his daughter, and the married thing was hard to guess with all the rings she had on her fingers. She never said anything about being taken, nor had any photos in her office with someone, and she was a very closed person, so he was not going to pray into her private life if she didn’t let anything on.
And like months ago, when they first met, he heard her sweet voice in the hallway talking with Charlie and it went almost the same way it did the first time, him being cute wasn’t said that time.
“Hi, Hayden.” She said as soon as she opened the door. When he looked at her he had to suppress a laugh that was about to escape his lips. “What?” She was frowning at him.
His eyes trailed her up and down. “You are under all that?” She was small, that much was a fact, but she looked so much smaller under the, almost, total black outfit she was wearing. A big ass long coat, loose high dress pants, a fitted t-shirt that covered her up to her neck and white Converse, that looked like they were from his daughter from how small they seemed.
“Well yeah.” She took the sunglasses off her head and a few rebel hairs fell to her face making her blow them away. Her silver rings and silver necklace with her initials contrasted with her clothes. “I’m cold.”
“I can see that,” he laughed while walking to greet her. It came naturally to him to kiss her cheek followed by a little. “Hello.” The smell of jasmine invaded him and his voice sounded deeper for some reason. When he moved away, the brunette took notice of how her cheeks and nose were red from the cold. Was it from the cold though? “Are you that cold?”
“Huh?” She frowned like she didn’t understand. “Ah, yeah.” She nodded, and a nervous laugh escaped her lips.
Charlie interrupted them carrying his tea while she hung her coat and got comfortable. The little interaction was forgotten by the time the boy walked out of the office with a frown on his face, looking at his boss. “I brought you breakfast,” Hayden said pointing at the cup next to her keyboard.
She smiled kindly at him, but that smile changed when she took a sip of the hot drink. It wasn’t a bad change, it was a good one. The way her lips curved gave him flashbacks of the memory tattooed on his brain about the first time he met her in person. He wasn’t afraid of messing up her coffee order, he knew it was the right one because he had picked it up on the few times they had been together.
She seemed less nervous this time around, there weren’t stacks of papers on her desk like the last time, nor she wasn’t running around. She seemed grounded, confident even. He tried to get information out of her about the new scripts but it was impossible, she gave him vague answers with a polite smile on her face, which made him laugh. “You are getting better at this,” he took a sip of his tea, looking at her.
“I know,” she smiled smugly. “I've been taking notes on how not to spill everything about a new project.” The brunette noticed how proud she looked about that. “I wouldn’t want them to fire me for speaking too much,” her tone was a playful one.
He laughed. “They would never,” his eyebrows were frowned and he shook his head. “Not after all the work you’ve done,” he reassured her.
Between sips of hot drinks, Hayden told her about his farm in Canada, about Briar Rose and small things here and there about his life while she listened attentively to all his words. The morning sun entering from the window behind her, seated at his side, added some kind of soft, cosy, effect to the office. Intimate. While they were laughing about something he said, a knock on the door behind him interrupted them. “Come in,” she called, still laughing.
“Hello there,” an accent Hayden recognized very well reached his ears and she started laughing again.
The brunette turned around and standing there was Ewan with a smile on his face. “Obi-Wan,” the pair said, making the Scottish laugh too.
“Good to see you two here.” They all hugged each other. “I was coming to pick our beloved director up but you beat me to it,” he joked looking at him.
Immediately she blushed. “We are having breakfast, would you like something?” She asked in her sweet tone.
“No, no. Nothing darling, thank you.” The trio stood in the middle of the office. “Are you ready?” Ewan asked and Hayden looked at her too.
She nodded, “Yeah, everything’s ready. The scripts are already arranged in the room where we are going to meet, the seats are designated.”
“You are well prepared then,” Ewan said surprised. “Yeah, you seemed more ready than last time when you were running around like crazy until the last minutes,” Hayden added. If his eyes weren’t on her, he would have seen the look in his dear friend's eyes.
“Well, I've had everything ready for like a week or so,” she shrugged but the pair looked at her surprised. “What? I like having things in order,” she defended herself.
It was time for them to meet with the rest of the crew so they walked out of the office, her first, and made their way there. The two men told her about the funny things they remembered while they filmed the first two movies and the technology they had to do it.
Hayden noticed that she seemed much more carefree this time around than the first time they did the table reading, she didn’t stop at the door to take a deep breath, nor to give herself a little pep talk. She just entered the room like she owned it, like she deserved to be there, which she did, and that made him smile.
Just as she said, the table already had the scripts on it and tags in front of the chairs, it was a completely different room than the one they were months ago. There were different people inside, who were supposed to be the cast, the writers, the executive producers and them. “Ready boys?” She asked with a smile on her lips making them look at each other with their eyebrows raised and they laughed, but followed her nonetheless.
They all sat around the big circular table, the writers at her sides, while he Ewan, and the rest of the team, dispersed around the table. The crew was also there, seated surrounding them. The reading started but her sweet voice didn’t chime in at any moment, Hayden watched her make notes here and there on her script and whispered with the writers beside her.
They connected eyes more than a few times, she always caught him looking at her for some reason, only a couple of times it was the other way around like they could feel their gaze on each other. Her reaction was always the same, a sweet smile on her lips. Her hair was held by a pen, again, and at some point, she put her glasses on. This time around she didn’t play much with her rings, but she did it with the silver delicate watch on her wrist.
He looked around the table to watch the crew's reaction and they all had mixed emotions, but they were the exact opposite of what that rubbish script generated. By the time the reading ended, everyone was silent with unreadable looks on their faces. But she was in her world, still making notes. Almost three minutes passed when someone decided to speak. “Well,” Ewan broke the silence, from his tone he could guess, because he had his blue eyes fixed on her, that he was smiling. “Little Miss Director did it again.” She raised her head looking at him.
And looked around the table confused, suspiciously. “Meaning?” Her tone was so unsure, he found it cute.
“It’s brilliant, this is excellent.” One of the producers said.
Everyone chimed in to praise the script, the cast; the crew; and every single person in the room. Hayden watched at how her face broke into a beautiful big grin, eyes shining and cheeks blushed. Her eyes connected with his and he grinned too, that was the effect of her smile.
The session was over and everybody stood up to leave, and this time she didn’t run away instead stood chatting with whoever approached her. “Didn't I tell you she was brilliant?” Ewan said, clapping his shoulder.
“Yeah, you did.” He nodded and his friend looked pleased. “It’s one of the best scripts I have ever read, well written; well articulated; balanced. It's amazing.” Hayden was speechless at how creative she was, at how amazing she was.
Ewan nodded proudly. “I knew from the moment I watched one of her films that she was perfect for the series, that’s why I recommended her for the position.” He raised his eyebrows, surprised. “Plus, her resume is impeccable. She's something else.” The brunette nodded with his eyes fixed on her. “Totally worthy of being showrunner.” Hayden looked at him surprised. “She didn’t tell you?”
He shook his head. “She doesn't talk much when we are together, I do most of it, plus she’s very private.”
“Yeah she is, it took me a while for her to trust me but she would eventually open up,” his friend tried to reassure him. “If she trusts you,” he added, clapping his back laughing.
Hayden shook his head, “thanks man.” Ewan laughed harder.
“She reminds me of you a little bit when we first met,” the Scottish said and he looked at him frowning. “Incredibly passionate young soul, keen and very creative."
Hayden smiled at the kind words of his dear friend and found it more special that he found such touching words related to her. He was about to respond when she walked towards them.
"Good job, Little Miss Director." Ewan joked when he saw her.
She laughed tilting her head back but did a little bow, Hayden smiled. "Thank you, Ewan." He bowed his head. "Truly for your trust and help in this process."
He smiled, "It was my pleasure darling." And they hugged.
When they parted, she looked at Hayden with a big smile too. He felt shy under her gaze but enjoyed it too. "Thank you too, Hayden." He shook his head. "For being patient with me and all my questions, helping me and your encouraging words."
Sweetly, as her voice, she hugged him. Engulfed him with her arms around his neck, she was on her tiptoes and he had to bend down a little to put his arms around her back, not her waist because he was respectful. The jasmine scent, her scent, reached his nose making him dizzy. His mouth was so close to her neck, to her pulse point, that if he moved his head a little to the right he would graced it with his lips and he felt her hot breath in his pulse point, making him weak on the knees.
The hug ended far too quickly for his liking. What? When they pulled apart he had to clear his throat and blinked a couple of times. Fucks sake, Hayden, get a hold of yourself. You are 38 and she’s 11 years younger than you, think straight.
February 2020, special day.
It had been a couple of months since he last saw her, which he was thankful about because the hug she gave him was too much for him. Too much for his brain. Too much for his heart. Too fucking much.
He thought that maybe the peace of his farm would give him the clarity he needed but it didn't happen. Not a single clear thought about whatever he was feeling came his way. About work? Yes. About what he was going to eat for dinner? Lots. About feelings, which were a mess? Not a single one.
Ewan and he were talking on the phone about life, making a habit of staying in contact and not like the last decade and a couple of years. They were talking about projects and life, while all Hayden’s brain was screaming was, Ask him about her. ASK HIM! but he tried to not let that part of him win.
Obviously was futile because he ended up talking about work, which of course ended up with her name being said. “You know anything about her?” He shut his eyes and frowned, with his free hand he pinched the bridge of his nose.
“Yeah, I talked on the phone with her a couple of days ago. Something about the script.” His friend said and he nodded.
“How was she?” The words blurted out his mouth before he had the time to process them. He was seconds away from smashing his head through the wall if that made him stop thinking about her. Teenage behaviour, right there Hayden. The laughter on the other side of the phone made him shake his head, regretting asking.
“Fascinated by our Little Miss Director I see.” Ewan teased and he had to hum because if he opened his mouth the teasing would meet no end. “I get it, she’s pretty awesome.”
“Yes, she is.” Well, fuck it, he would embarrass himself for shits and giggles.
The days after his chat with Ewan, where he mentioned her resume, he could have Googled her, to know what his friend meant, but he decided against it. The opportunity, the privilege, of hearing about her life from her mouth would be more rewarding, more special, than reading it on some gossip page.
Ewan laughed again. “It’s her birthday in a couple of days.” His ears perked when his friend told him the exact date when it was. “Did you know it?”
“No, no. I didn’t know it.” Mentally the date was already marked.
The Scottish laughed again. “Well now you know, thank me later.” The brunette thanked God that the teasing stopped because otherwise, he was going to mentally kick himself. They kept talking for twenty minutes and the conversation ended with “Send her something pretty!” from Ewan’s part before he hung up.
The date of her birthday came and Hayden kept looking at the phone on his counter, Briar Rose having breakfast next to him. “Are you okay Daddy?” She asked in her sweet voice.
“Yes, sweetie.” He caressed her face. “Just thinking.”
“ ‘bout?” Her big blue eyes looked at him.
He deliberated on telling her about his doubts or brushing them off. “It’s one of my friend’s-” Friend? Was she a friend? Or a colleague maybe? What was she? “birthday and I don’t know what to get her.” Maybe she would help him decide what to give her.
“What she likes?” She asked, taking a sip from her princess cup.
He racked his brain trying to think about something she told him she liked, but a single thing came up. “Flowers.” Unconsciously he could scent jasmine, even though there wasn't a single one of them in his house. "Jasmine."
“They’re nice and pretty.” That was answer enough for him.
Smiling, he leant and kissed the crown of her head. “You are right, sweetie.” She smiled. “Thank you.”
Giving her a last look, he took his phone and walked to the living room. First tone. You got this. Second tone. Nothing to stress about. Third tone. They're just flowers. Fourth tone and they answered. Too late to back down.
Twenty minutes he was on the phone with the flower shop, twenty minutes where he felt like a teenage boy with a massive crush, a little pathetic if he was honest with himself, and then he went on with his day like normal.
He and Briar were making lunch when his phone rang, whipping his hands on a towel he grabbed his phone and as fast as he picked it up he almost let it fall. Her name appeared on his screen, she was calling. She was calling him.
After coming out of his astonishment, he answered it before she hung up. "Hello."
"Hayden, hi." Her sweet voice reached his ear. "How are you? I hope I'm not interrupting your day." He could hear her walking around her office.
He chuckled. "I'm fine, how are you?" He turned the burner down. "And you are not interrupting, we were making lunch."
"We?" She cleared her throat. "Sorry. What were you making?"
"Briar Rose wanted pasta for lunch, so I'm obliging." The little girl walked past him and he caressed her head.
"Nice, it goes great with the cold." The picture of her with her nose and cheeks red popped up on his brain. "I will not take much of your time with her." He shook his head as if she could see him. "I called you to thank you for the beautiful bouquet, I love it."
He smiled, big and brightly. "I'm glad you liked it." Was she smiling too?
"The note is very beautiful too. My favourite part may I say." The teenage boy with a crush feeling was worthy then.
"I'm pleased to hear, Little Miss Director." He joked, hoping to hear her laugh and he did.
"How did you know?" She asked curiously.
"A little chatty bird called Ewan maybe, possibly, most certainly, slipped that your birthday was coming up while we talked a few weeks ago.” Hayden knew that wasn't the entire truth, not even close, but just this time he was going to throw his friend under the bus for sure.
She laughed, and possibly she was shaking her head. "Who else if not him?" He laughed too and the background noise became louder. "I'm sorry to cut this short, Hayden, but I got to go." Her kind tone reached his ears.
"No no, please. Duty calls." He thought that she would send him a quick message so hearing her voice was a surprise, although it was for a couple of minutes.
"Bye, I hope your lunch is good. See you later, Starboy." And before he could answer, she hung up.
As if his life was taken from a cheesy rom-com, like the ones he acted in, Hayden stood in the middle of his kitchen looking at his phone as her name disappeared from the screen, but not the feelings from the centre of his chest.
His birthday was a special day for him, surrounded by the ones he loved the most. Spending the whole day with his daughter, eating with his family and having a fun time with a few friends. As the private person he was, he couldn't ask for more.
April 2020, Unexpected delight.
Soon he would have to start training for Anakin's role, so he was enjoying the time off. Briar Rose surprised him with breakfast in bed, helped by his mother, who came around to greet him and helped her beloved granddaughter.
They were seated in the living room talking about small things and his plans for the day when the doorbell of his front gate rang. “Did you invite someone?” He asked his mother while walking towards the phone he had by the door, but she shook her head. “Yes?”
“Is Mr. Christensen at home?” A male voice said.
He looked at the little screen there and it was a grown man dressed in a FedEx uniform. “Yes, he is.”
“We have a package for him, we need his signature to confirm that he received it.” The man showed the papers in hand and at the box below his arm.
“Okay, I’m coming.” Grabbing his jacket and keys, “It’s a package, I’ll be right back.” he said over his shoulder.
The walk towards the front gate was chilly, he had his hands in his pockets and nose buried in the neck of his jacked. When he saw the guy at the door, the package he had in his arms was a normal size. “Hello.”
“Hello.” They nodded at each other. “You know what it is?” The brunette asked.
The guy shrugged. “No idea, man. It just says fragile and it’s from the US.” Hayden opened the gate and the guy passed him the pen and paper for him to sign.
He did it, but frowning. It couldn’t be the script, because she would have told him, or Ewan. His friends would have told him if they would be sending him a present, so that wasn’t an option. He tried to think what could possibly be but nothing came to mind. He handed the pen and paper back and the guy gave him the box. “There you go, have a nice day.”
His blue eyes were fixed on the box. “Yeah you too, man.” As quickly as he could he made his way back to the house.
Shaking the box to see what was inside wasn’t an option because it said fragile and whatever it was it could break. His curiosity was getting the best of him when he entered his house. Briar and his mom were still seated on the couch talking but raised their heads to look at him. “What is it, dear?” His mom asked but he shrugged. “From who is it?” He shrugged again. “You know something?” She asked, teasing.
He rolled his eyes. “It’s from the US and it’s fragile.” Her mom frowned. But he walked towards the kitchen and put the box on the counter while he looked for scissors.
“Can I see it, daddy?” Briar Rose asked from the couch.
He opened the top drawer. “As soon as I open it, I’m going to show it to you, sweetie.” His voice raised for her to hear him.
The box had a simple black box inside and nothing on it, he frowned again but kept opening it. When he lifted the lid the inside was colourful and smelled amazing. It smelled like jasmine and he smiled. Large pieces of paper, of all colours, surrounded a black cup and a couple of tea bags next to it. He picked up the box and walked towards the living room. “Look, sweetie.”
The little girl opened her eyes big and made space, even though there was plenty, next to her for him to sit. “What is it?”
“A gift.” He said putting the box on the mini table there. The little girl picked up a few of the papers there and started playing with them.
His mother looked at it and smiled. “It’s nice. Who sent it?”
Hayden knew who sent it by the mere smell that came from it, the tea was another clue for all the times they had breakfast together. “A friend.” Two simple words that had nothing simple, describe nothing simple and meant nothing simple to his feelings. His big hand engulfed the cup and lifted it, a laugh came out of him when he saw what was engraved on the side.
Briar Rose and his mom looked at it and the little girl found it hilarious, even though she didn’t quite understand the reference, while her mom laughed a little too. “Storm Pooper.” The girl said between giggles and Hayden laughed at hearing her giggling.
His mother passed him a white paper folded in half, “there’s a note.”
Quickly he exchanged the cup for the paper with her and stood up. His name was written in clean neat handwriting and inside were a few simple words.
Happy Birthday, Starboy, enjoy your day surrounded by the people who are glad and cherish your presence in this world.
Love, Little Miss Director.
“Someone special?” His mom’s voice brought him back to the real world. He looked at her frowning for a couple of seconds before his eyes fell back to her words. “You are smiling quite big right now.”
Why deny the obvious? “I have to make a phone call, can you keep an eye on Bri?” But he didn’t wait for an answer and walked to the kitchen with his phone.
The last time they talked on the phone was in March for something related to the script, a few questions she had about when he filmed the movies and Ewan was also on the call because the question was directed at him too, so it wasn’t like they talked to each other and it was completely professional. First ring. Keep it simple. Second tone. Casual, relax. Third ring. You are just colleagues, nothing more. Fourth ring. Nothing more because she’s 11 years younger than me. Fifth t- “Hi.” Her sweet voice reached him, a little out of breath as if she was running.
“Hello.” And again, for some reason, his voice went deeper. More than what already was.
Music could be heard in the background. “Did you receive it?” She sounded excited. “Please tell me it arrived whole, please.”
He laughed. “Yes, it did.” She exhaled. “Thank you very much.” He smiled and hoped that she was smiling too. “You didn’t have too.”
“Nonsense.” He could imagine her shaking her head. “Did you like it?” She sounded unsure and he tilted his head to the side. “Because if you don’t it’s okay.” She didn’t let him answer. “I have the sense of humour of a twelve-year-old and I will not apologise for it, but I will understand if you find it hideous.” She used, what he remembered was, her mocking tone and took him back to one of the times he was in her office and they were just chilling.
“I love it.” He said truthfully and heard her make some victorious sound that made him laugh, which made her laugh. “Briar Rose found it hilarious too.”
“She did?” She sounded excited again. “Oh, that’s amazing.” He nodded. “When we saw it, I thought that it was hilarious and had to buy it for your birthday.”
He was touched by the sentiment and the gesture. She saw something and thought about me. But the plural pronoun made him frown, it didn’t sit right with him. “We?”
“Yeah, my niece, nephew and me.” She was sharing something private about her. She trusts me. “They are a little older than Briar Rose.”
“Oh.” So the drawings must be from them. But was she married? “Well, you have great taste and as soon as I use it, I will let you know.”
She laughed. “Thank you and I hope you like the tea too.”
“So, what’s up with the nickname?” Since she started calling him like that after her birthday the question has been on his mind.
She laughed. “It seems only fair since I’m Little Miss Director that you are Starboy.” and said in an obvious tone. “Does it bother you? Cause if it does I will stop calling you that.” She was quick to say.
But he shook his head. “Not at all, I’m okay with it.” He heard her hum and, a little afraid, of the conversation finishing there he scratched the back of his head thinking about what he could say to keep her on the phone. “I called in at a bad time?” Hayden wanted to keep talking to her, keep hearing her voice.
“No no, I was cleaning my house, that’s why I was late to answer.” He nodded even though she couldn't see him.
“On Sunday?” She would notice that you don’t want to hang up, Hayden.
“It’s my only free day.” She laughed. “What about you? Big plans for today?”
They talked for a little while longer, about noncenses, but Briar started calling for him and he didn’t want to take too much of her time, bullshit, so the call was cut short. But the smile he carried for the day was notorious to his mum, to his daughter, to his friends, to everyone who saw him that day, and all because of a phone call with his director.
Next Part →
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I saw that your requests are open so I wanted to ask if you could write something for Charles Leclerc with All of the Girls You Loved Before by Taylor Swift, please 🙏 ❤️ you can ignore this if you want.
All The Girls You Loved Before - Charles Leclerc
First of all, I want to apologise SOOOO much, this has been in my requests for agggggeeeeessss. I am so so so sorry. I promise I wasn't ignoring it, I just couldn't remember the song off the top of my head or the lyrics and I kept forgetting to check.
But here is it. I hope you like it after such a long wait :)
Bit of a slow burn. across...nearly all of Charles' relationships. For the purposes of the timeline we're pretending Charles and Alex were short-lived to step aside for y/n.
2019
Y/n tilts her head as she watches the young Ferrari driver walk in, crowded with attention. He's not had any shortage of attention but something that most people over look is Charles' way with his girlfriend Giada.
Four years together now and there's even been rumours about him possibly having proposed.
To y/n she wishes she had that. Not just a relationship, but that exact relationship with Charles.
She just started an internship for RedBull's marketing team but her focus is solely on Charles Leclerc. The rookie who got lucky and broke every rule that Ferrari has for their drivers, choosing experience over the risk of a fresh face. His rookie year in Sauber and blatant skills earned him a seat in Ferrari and in recent history the youngest Ferrari driver, over all the second youngest.
"Y/n." Pierre calls making her whip her head around away from his friend. "What are you doing?"
"Oh uhh...nothing just looking around." Y/n lies earning a nod as she shoots him a smile. "Do you want to help choose the pictures to post for your track walk?"
And like that, those feelings are tucked away from sight. Hopefully for her crush on the man who is in a relationship to be pushed aside until it disappears into nothing.
2020
Despite Charles breaking up with Giada, he's dating a new girl. Charlotte, who is probably the most perfect person for him. He seems happy and the way he and Charlotte interact is proving harder and harder for y/n.
They've also formed a bit of a casual friendship, slightly more than acquaintances but he doesn't got out of his way to speak to her.
"You are staring again." Max whispers into her ear making her gasp and jump, turning around quickly. Max caught on quickly to the newly appointments social media assistant's crush when they came back from covid lockdown.
"Shut up." Y/n frowns nudging him away. "I'm not staring anyway, I'm thinking about how much happier social media teams looking in other teams. Probably because they don't have to deal with you."
"You should just tell him." Max states making her scoff.
"He is in a happy long term relationship and he is a good enough boyfriend that he wouldn't cheat."
Well if rumours aren't truth then that's the case, but if they are maybe Charles would cheat.
2021
Y/n sighs as she looks at Charles struggle his way through yet another race. It's safe to say that Ferrari just didn't deliver with the car this year.
Charlotte isn't here either.
Now, y/n never reaches out to make a conversation with Charles. But he does spot her and stop by her at the Red Bull unit.
"Hello, y/n. How have you been?" Charles greets making her looking up from the phone she'd quickly diverted her gaze when he looked at her. Definitely catching her but he's too polite to address it.
"I'm good...how are you? Settling in well with the new teammate? Max was saying about how Carlos was a great teammate in Toro Rosso."
"I like him as a teammate-I do miss Seb-"
"But the two are you are good friends." Y/n nods, ignoring the flutter in her chest as she speaks with him. "So is there no Charlotte this weekend?"
"Ah, no she is busy with her studies. But she will come to the next one. We don't really get to spend as much time together as it looks like. When she does come to the races, it's hard to really pay attention to her with everything else going on." Charles admits, not even sure why he's opening up about it but maybe he needed to just say it to someone.
"Charles...is everything ok?" Y/n asks softly before she swallows thickly knowing really they aren't close enough for her to push him for more information.
"Yes, of course. Is everything ok with you?" He asks looking like he genuinely wants her to answer with no lie.
"I'm great. Just working like always." Y/n nods in gesture to her phone and laptop. "Making Max part take in social media stuff or get pictures of him that he doesn't try to purposely sabotage is harder than you'd think."
"I can imagine." Charles chuckles before his phone buzzes. "Speaking of sometimes difficult. I have to go. I'll see you later, y/n."
"Oh yeah, um see you later." Y/n nods feeling her face burn, but he's already gone answering his phone in French which is beyond her knowledge of language. Though she'd love to be taught French.
2022
Charles has broken up with Charlotte and is single.
Max has been poking her about getting the courage to go and try with Charles.
But it felt like the wrong time and instead she decided to just befriend him properly, hoping to at least become a more significant person in his life and get to know him more.
No progress in the romance side but their friendship is blooming.
"Y/n." Charles smiles spotting her in the paddock as he arrives only just behind her making her turn quickly and smile tiredly. "Oh you look tired, are you alright?"
"Yeah...Red Bull has a lot going on with a competition for the livery and it's more complicated to arrange Than the social media manager thought so instead...I've been told to handle it."
"You can always hide away in the Ferrari unit...we might need to get you a disguise." Charles jokes then putting an arm around her in a one armed hug that she does slightly fall into.
"One day I might just take you up on that. Purely out of curiosity of what it's like in there." Y/n giggles before she looks at him.
"You are always welcome...just not in your uniform."
"Well, maybe I'll get the courage to accept the invitation one day." Y/n hums, eyes lighting up while Charles smiles at her. "I should go, but I'm sure I'll see you later...especially if I'm running to hide from Christian and Max."
2023
Despite what felt like progress, coming into 2023. Charles had a new girlfriend. She's perfect and honestly y/n was sure that no other woman would be nearly adequate for Charles after that.
They didn't grow to have the same closeness in the beginning of 2023 as they did at the end of 2022. Y/n invested making Red Bull's social media and also taking on the duties of Max's accounts via his request since apparently he trusts her.
But then Alex stopped appearing shortly after Silverstone and Charles' efforts to get y/n's attention were active again. In fact they weren't just active, they were painfully obvious to everyone else in the paddock.
"You realise Charles is trying to get your attention right?" Danny states as he joins the Red Bull guys for yet another social media post.
It's getting more and more obvious to y/n (and the res of the world) with every request for y/n that post Danny on social media, he could be making his return to the Red Bull team faster than Checo understands.
"I wouldn't-"
"None of your business." Y/n states cutting Max off since the world reigning world champion has learned the hard way not to talk about it.
It’s not as if y/n is really mad about it she just doesn’t want other people in her business. The paddock can be a cruel place to recieve judgement especially on relationship or in this case not a relationship.
“Told you.” Max sighs while y/n smiles gamely and raises her middle finger only for Danny to capture the moment between the two on camera.
“Say hello to Instagram.” Danny instructs earning a fake smile.
Only a couple hours later, y/n is with Charles again and this time around Charles seems to be building up to something.
"Y/n, I was thinking. We should go on a date." Charles states making her look at him in shock of the fact he even asked.
"I'd love to." Nearly 5 years of crushing on this man and this could actually finally be the dream come true.
They arrange the date for after the race and it turns into the first of many. Then they start travelling together and by the São Paulo gp, the two are inseparable unless in the paddock when they both have to divide to their teams.
But what really made headlines was "Charles Leclerc switches teams for romance? Ferrari driver spotted kissing Red Bull dressed team member"
Y/n yawns waking up beside Charles grinning as yet another morning proves this isn't a dream but's it's real. She really is waking up with a man that she'd always thought would be the perfect partner but always just beyond her reach.
"You are staring." Words he says too much, but has no idea he is not the only one to say it when it comes to her watching Charles with unwavering eyes.
"I like looking at beautiful things." Y/n's smiles before she giggles when he looks at her raising an eyebrow. "Good morning."
"Good morning, mon amour." Charles smiles moving over to her and kissing her softly. "You are so beautiful. But you never let me stare."
"Because it's intimidating when you stare. It's like you're looking into my soul and finding things I didn't even know existed there."
Y/n isn't foolish enough to think that she's the only one fortunate enough to love Charles, but she knows for certain not one of those girls before loved Charles the way that she loves him. But even more than that, Charles loves her in a way that he's never loved another girl before too.
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[ christmas in michigan ] l. hughes
day four of malia’s christmas fic marathon
paring : Luke Hughes x jack bsf!reader
summary : (Y/N) is forced to get along with Luke when Jack invites her to the Hughes lake house for Christmas
warning(s) : heavy makeout, some sexual content, some angst
author’s note : i have been wracking my brain to write something for luke and i have been waning to write something angsty for the fic marathon so this is how this came to be. enjoy :)
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The last thing (Y/N) wanted to do was spend Christmas at the lake house because she knew he was going to be there too. Then Jack said that he wanted her there and she can never say no to her best friend.
That's how she ended up sitting on a plane from Newark to Detroit after the Devils game between Jack and Luke. It isn't a very long plane ride but she doesn't like how close Luke is sitting to her. She tries to keep all her attention on Jack and tries to ignore Luke, but sometimes the youngest Hughes makes a comment or two because he can't seem to keep his mouth shut when (Y/N) is around.
It's not that she has something against Luke, but it seems like he does.
When he came to Newark after his Michigan season ended last season, he made his presence very known. Luke would interrupt her and Jack's hangouts or invite himself to things that they were doing. He always had a snarky comment when she was around.
(Y/N) has no idea what she did for Luke to act like this when she's around. She's just his brother's best friend. That's all she's been since Jack was drafted in 2019.
When Luke gets up to use the bathroom, she is relieved that she gets a few moments of peace. Jack decides to disrupt that peace though.
"Can you do me a favor for the next few days?" Jack asks. She knows what's coming but she looks over at her best friend. "Can you try to get along with Luke while we're at the house? I don't like when my best friend and brother fight. Makes me feel like I'm caught in the middle."
"Because you are," she replies. Jack raises his eyebrows with an 'are you kidding me' look on his face. "Fine. You owe me big time. Maybe get your little brother on the same page too. He's the one that has an issue with me. I have nothing against Luke but he has some vendetta against me when I did nothing wrong."
Before Jack can say anything else, Luke sits back down in his aisle seat. "What are we talking about?" he questions as he looks between his older brother and (Y/N).
"Nothing that concerns you," she retorts.
Luke smiles and asks, "Then why did I hear my name come out of your mouth? Miss me that much when I went to pee?"
"In your dreams, Baby Hughes," she replies. (Y/N) knows he hates being called 'Baby Hughes'.
He rolls his eyes and looks at something on his phone. He puts in his AirPods and she feels a sense of peace.
It doesn’t last very long because as soon as the plane lands at a little past one in the morning, Luke practically pushes (Y/N) off the plane.
She can’t wait to go back home to Newark.
Jack slowly drives them to the lake house because of the layer of snow and ice on the ground. (Y/N) fights Luke for the passenger seat and loses. She has to squeeze in the back seat with a bunch of bags and she is not happy at all.
Maybe she does have something against Luke Hughes. It isn’t just because he’s Jack’s annoying younger brother either. Who lets a guest sit in the backseat with three heavily packed bags because the trunk is filled with hockey gear?
Luke. That’s who.
The lake house is dark when Jack, Luke, and (Y/N) pull up. She knows that Jim and Ellen will be getting in later with Quinn since his game just ended a little bit ago. Tonight, it’s just the three of them in this house.
Jack better get his referee shirt out because it’s going to be a long few hours until Quinn, Ellen, and Jim get in.
As predicted, Luke just grabs his things and goes to his room. (Y/N) is stuck with Jack outside in the snow. She sighs and looks at the middle Hughes.
“What is his fucking problem?” (Y/N) mutters under her breath. “He’s ridiculous.”
She pulls her bag out of the car and Jack says, “He does this every time. He grabs his own stuff and leaves us out to dry. Quinn and I don’t like it either but we deal with it.”
With a light sigh, (Y/N) follows Jack into the house. The door closes behind them and the long few days begins.
“So, the guest bedroom is upstairs across from Luke’s room,” Jack tells her. She opens her mouth to object but Jack keeps talking before she gets the chance to. “I’m aware that sucks for you and I’m sorry. I know being here is the last thing you want to do because Luke is here with his stupid vendetta against you but I want my best friend here. If he causes such a problem for you, can you try to ignore him? I don’t want the two of you to fight.”
A frown forms on her face because she can tell how frustrated Jack is getting with the two of them. The last thing she wants is to upset Jack or make him pick sides between his younger brother and best friend.
“I’ll go talk to him when I’m settled, okay?” (Y/N) tells him. “Maybe you can go get food and drinks while I do that just in case a fight breaks out. I don’t want you to get in the middle.”
Jack nods and the frown on her lips is replaced with a smile. (Y/N) walks up the stairs and down the hallway to her temporary bedroom.
A door closes down the hall so she assumes Jack is in his room. Before she can close her door to unpack, she hears Luke’s voice coming from his room. A very curious (Y/N) presses her ear to Luke’s door.
“… what I’m going to do, Rut,” he’s saying when she begins listening in. He probably on the phone and Rutger McGroarty is most likely on the other side of the line. “What am I supposed to do? She has something against me when I want to pin her against something, dude. It's killing me that she's right across the hallway right now and I can't go over there and just fuck her into that mattress.”
Her eyes widen when she realizes that he’s talking about her. Quickly, she retreats across the hall and shuts her door as quietly as she can so she doesn’t alarm Luke to the fact that she heard what he said. She leans against the door with a sigh.
Confusion floods her body. If Luke wants to fuck her then why does he constantly act like she’s this a person when he can just … fuck her? He constantly pushes her away or says something that annoys her.
She isn’t blind. He’s atttactive and she wouldn’t be totally against it. It just never occurred to her that he would want to sleep with her considering the way he acts when she’s around. The way he’d completely cover her since he is so big and she’s so tiny. How he could probably get her to come with just-
A door shutting downstairs brings her out of her head before that thought could get away from her. She blinks a few times when she realizes what she was about to think about. She hears a car pull out of the driveway and watches the lights disappear down the street.
Frustration floods her entire body when she can't understand why Luke keeps acting like this when he feels completely different. She charges across the hallway to get answers.
(Y/N) pounds on Luke’s bedroom door. “Luke Hughes!” she shouts. “Open the door.” She doesn’t care if he’s still on the phone with Rutger.
"I'm on the phone," he calls back.
She pushes open the door and her eyes fall on Luke, who lays on his bed. "You are the most confusing and irritating person I think I have ever met," she spits at him. He looks at her with wide eyes when she bursts into the room. "I mean, why can't you just man up and tell me exactly how you feel instead of treating me like shit whenever you're around me? It's exhausting."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"You're not quiet when you talk on the phone," she tells him. "I heard you on the phone with Rutger when I came upstairs to unpack." She watches his jaw drop and eyes practically pop out of his head. "Yeah. I heard what you said to him. Something about how you think I have something against you, when I don't by the way. What else did I hear you say? About how you wish you could've come across the hallway and fucked me into the mattress. Yeah. I think that's what I heard."
Luke quickly hangs up the phone and sits up. "Who said I was talking about you?" he questions.
"I'm the only one across the hallway from you, dumbass," she retorts. She runs her fingers through her hair with a deep sigh as soon begins to get out of bed. "If you want to fuck me, then tell me. Be a big boy and put on your big boy pants and-"
As she talks, Luke stomps over and cuts her off by crashing his lips to her in a rough kiss. His hand is on the back of her neck and his fingers curl into her hair so she doesn't go anywhere.
It's a wet and filthy kiss from the beginning, but it catches her off guard so she has to push herself away from him so she can wrap her head around what just happened. She doesn’t get very far because of his hand on the back of her neck.
Fear flashes in Luke's eyes for a split second, but she is so close that she was able to see it. She feels guilty that she pushed him away like that. “If you didn’t want me to do that, I’m sor-”
“Don’t you dare apologize,” she snaps. She takes a sharp breath. “Just give me a second, okay?”
He nods and loosens his grip in her hair so she can back away if she wants. She doesn’t move though.
She stares up at him and thinks about how bad of an idea this would be. Sleeping with her best friend’s younger brother is a terrible idea, especially when Luke has been nothing but rude and annoying toward her.
That just means that no one will probably know what has happened between them.
(Y/N) licks her bottom lip before she gets on her toes to bring their lips together in another hot kiss. Luke seems surprised by this kiss but he does hesitate in returning it.
Her heart races in her chest. This was the last thing she thought would ever happen between them.
The two of them have been at each other’s throats for years. Now they’re kissing like it’s what they’ve wanted to do the entire time.
Maybe it has been the entire time for Luke. She can’t say that she hasn’t had a thought here or there about getting with the youngest Hughes brother. If anything to break the obvious tension between them.
Before she realizes what she’s doing, (Y/N) grasps at the t-shirt Luke is wearing. She pulls him flush against her body and she feels something poke her upper thigh. A small smile forms on her lips.
“You got a hot dog in your pocket or something?” she asks between kisses.
“Shut up,” Luke snaps. “I don’t carry food in my pocket, you asshole.”
“Then you really must’ve wanted me.”
“You have no idea.”
Those words cause her heart to jump in her chest while Luke leans down and picks her up. He’s nearly a foot taller than her so it can’t be very comfortable for him to kiss her. She wraps her legs around his waist.
She attaches her lips to his jaw and carefully kisses the sensitive skin. “You better not leave a mark,” Luke warns her. “I don’t want to explain to my brothers that you turned into a vampire or something.”
To spite him, (Y/N) softly nips at his jaw. Luke turns and drops her on the mattress. She stares up and finds that his swollen lips and wide does just does something for her.
“Get down here, Hughes,” she tells him. “Need you.”
Almost like he was waiting for her to say that, Luke crawls into the bed and hovers over her. Their lips reattach in a filthy kiss that almost causes her to plead for more.
He pulls away and looks down at her. She finds herself chasing his lips. “You’re okay with this?” Luke asks. “I don’t want you to think I’m pressuring you or anything.”
“Luke, if you don’t touch me in the next five seconds, I’m going to get out of your bed and go across the hall to do it myself,” she tells him. “Fuck me like you hate me.”
A sly smirk forms on his face and she knows she’s in for it until Jack gets back.
༺═──────────────═༻
Three orgasms in less than two hours had to be some kind of record. Her body still shakes as Luke cleans her up. She’s completely spent.
He definitely fucked her like he hated her. She’s worried that she might not be able to walk in the morning. The only reason there wasn’t a fourth orgasm was because she heard Jack pull into the driveway.
“If you need to stay for a few minutes, you can,” Luke tells her. “I can go distract Jack until you leave.”
She nods and Luke begins to get dressed. He throws on the clothes he wore when he got here. Her eyes stay on him for a second before she says, “We need to talk about this, Luke. I don’t want this to turn into a fight that we can’t get past.”
Luke looks over as she sits up and secures the blankets under her arms. The tension has broken between them and she doesn’t want something to form after this.
He comes over to her side of the bed that she’s occupying. It catches her very off guard when he leans down and presses a soft yet chaste kiss to her already swollen lips. She raises her eyebrows and looks up at him. She probably looks very confused.
“Hope that explains how I feel,” he tells her as he stands back up. “We’ll talk about it, but right now you need to get across the hall before Jack catches you naked in my bed. I’m not sure I’m ready to explain this to him. I’m sure you aren’t either.”
She shakes her head. “Come across the hall tonight,” she suggests. “We can talk then, yeah?”
Luke smiles and nods before he leaves her alone. There are footsteps on the stairs and voices coming from the living room. (Y/N) sighs and falls back against the pillow that’s under her head.
It would be a lie if she thought that Luke didn’t rock her entire world for the last two hours. He absolutely did, and she wouldn’t be opposed to doing it again. Maybe not as rough next time.
Very slowly, (Y/N) begins to get dressed. She’s shaky on her legs but she manages to get her clothes in without falling over.
Much to her luck, Jack and Luke are walking down the hallway when she leaves Luke’s room. Jack freezes when he sees her. She forces a smile as she looks between the two Hughes boys. “Hi.”
Jack looks up at his brother. “You hurt her and I will send Nico after you,” he tells Luke. “I swear to God, Luke.”
Her eyes widen and a smile forms on Luke’s lips. Jack definitely put two and two together because of how red Luke’s lips are and the fact that she is walking out of Luke’s room.
Walking is a stretch though. Limping is more like it.
“I’ll never hurt her,” Luke replies. “Again.” He looks at a nervous (Y/N) standing in front of Luke’s room. “I’d kick myself if I ever hurt her.”
The nervousness she was feeling melts away and she smiles.
Christmas in Michigan no longer sounds like the worst thing in the world.
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Way Down We Go // Jake Seresin
Summary: Burnout isn't an academic exercise. No. It's an all-consuming, systemic condition. It's your entire body sending you one clear message. Something has to change and it has to change now.
Warnings: Angst. Mental health talks. Jake Seresin x F!reader. Friends to Lovers to ex’s to enemies to friends to lovers trope.
Word Count: 3.5k
Author Note: Based off my own recent experience with Burn Out. Writing this helped me process some of my pent up frustration with accepting the fact I experienced my first real major burn out at 24.
In 2019, the World Health Organisation officially recognised “Burnout” in its international classification of diseases. Studies show that aviators who report signs of burnout have enlarged amygdalas. The area in the brain that regulates fear and aggression.
But burnout isn't an academic exercise. No. It's an all-consuming, systemic condition. It's your entire body sending you one clear message. Something has to change and it has to change now.
Put simply, Burnout comes from a deep imbalance. Too much stress with too few rewards. You're exhausted. Depleted. You no longer have patience, pleasure of serotonin. This is the end unless–
You turn it into something else and find your path to recovery. Pick the pieces you want from your life and find a new way forward. But sometimes it isn't all that simple. Sometimes the all-consuming is just that, it's all-consuming–
And sometimes it's easier to drop the deadweight than to try and carry it on your shoulders.
“Anyone see Rouge today?” It was Hangman's tone that sent a shiver down Roosters spine as he scoffed down the turkey sandwich he had slapped together this morning in the rec room. “We’re on the schedule together after break and I haven't seen her all day?” Rooster knew exactly where you were. At home, probably in bed under a plethora of blankets just trying to catch up on some sleep.
“I uh–” Rooster was raised by an intelligent and loving woman who had always told him not to talk with his mouth full, but in times like these where every second mattered, that rule seemed more obsolete with every day that passed him by. He did however, make an effort to cover his mouth as he chewed and spoke. “Actually I think I’m with you this afternoon, Mav just hasn't had a chance to change the schedule.” It wasn't technically a lie.
“Is Rogue not in today?” Jake frowned as he crossed his arms over his chest. “Or is she just avoiding me or something?” You and Jake Seresin had a complicated history. On again and off again romantically, on again off again friends, but these days it seemed to be that the two of you were more off than on. To the point where if you could avoid it, the two of you would ignore each other's existence completely. It was easier that way.
Which meant Jake didn't know just how bad things had gotten for you. He didn't know you’d decided to take an extended leave of absence from work until you could figure out just what the hell was wrong with you. He didn't know that Rooster had been at your house last night on a welfare check mission. He felt it was his responsibility, after all you were his uncle's daughter.
“Kerners decided to take some time off work.” Rooster explained the best he could without giving too much detail about your personal problems away. “After yesterday's mishap, she got spooked and asked Simpson for a few days to collect her thoughts.”
Jake swore his heart left his body when he saw you lose control for those few seconds. All he could do was watch on in pure horror as you tried to regain control of your fighter jet after getting caught in his jet wash. You panicked, something that was completely out of the ordinary for you which led to you losing control of your F-18 for those brief moments in time.
Jake wanted to talk to you after you landed, but within seconds of touching down you were heading straight for the locker room to grab your things. Unbeknownst to him it was your final straw. He hadn’t seen you since. And now Bradshaw was telling him you weren't in at all and wouldn't be for a while? Things weren’t adding up. Not to Jake. This wasn’t like you at all.
“What aren't you telling me, Rooster?” Jake pressed as he paced up and down the rec room with his arms folded. He cared about you, he just didn’t know how to convey that care. He’d never not care about you.
“I’m not not telling you anything.” Bradley replied, he looked like a deer caught in Jake's headlights. “We should get ready for our next hop man.” Bradley tried his best to change the subject, the subject being you and your mental stability. “I’m sure if Rogue has something to say she’ll say it.” He shrugged as he stood, knowing that Jake was probably the last person you would ever want to come clean to about being so vulnerable. “We better get going.”
“You’d tell me if she wasn’t alright, wouldn’t you?” Again, the tone Jake used sent a shiver down Bradley’s spine. He knew how tramaltious your relationship was. “If Kerner wasn’t alright you’d let me know?” Jake didn’t need Bradley to reply, his silence spoke louder than any excuse he could make up on the spot. “Dammit Bradshaw—“
“She didn’t want you to know!”
“Know what!?” Jake hissed. He didn’t raise his voice in fear of bringing any sort of unwanted attention to the situation, but he was worried. Worried about what he didn’t know, worried about you. The best friend he couldn’t talk to. The love of his life he couldn’t admit to. You were the only woman in the world who knew how to take his breath away, in more ways than one. “God Rooster, just tell me what’s going on!”
“She’s afraid to burn in—“ Bradley sighed as he held the bridge of his nose and hung his head in shame. You trusted him like an older brother and yet here he was, spilling your dirty mental health laundry to the only person you begged him not to tell. Jake Seresin, the love of your life that drove you insane. Your best friend who you couldn’t confide in, the only man who made you want to shoot for the moon and capture all the stars too. “She took an extended leave, told the Admirals they either needed to sign off on the paperwork or they’d be signing her death notice.” It was hard to hear because to Jake this was coming out of nowhere. “She just needs time.” Jake didn’t know how to respond, but most importantly he didn’t know how to react.
“I don’t have time for all this melodrama, Rooster.” Jake shook his head in disbelief. “If Rogue wants to throw her career away because of a few bad days so be it but I’m not sympathetic.” It was the only response Jake knew how to give, but he was panicking on the inside. “I’ll see you for pre-flight checks.”
“I think it’s more than just a few bad days, Hangman.” Bradley wasn’t going to say when he saw you last night he hardly recognised you. “She’s hid it well.” In all the time Bradley had known you, he’d never seen you this bad before. It was serious. He’d experienced his own burn out a few years back just after the Uranium mission. Before you joined the Daggers. It had taken its toll on him a hell of a lot more than he was prepared for. “She hid it so well I didn’t even know something was up until she was on the edge already.”
In that very moment Bradley came to realised why you didn’t want Jake to know you were struggling, you didn’t want him to know that if given the chance you’d quit tomorrow because the burn out you were in was so entirely consuming that it made it hard to even get out of bed. When was the last time you ate?
“She hid it so well it’s almost hard to believe, don't you think?” Jake snapped over his shoulder as he left the rec room, completely in denial about the fact you didn’t let him in.
***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***
The entire day had passed you by before you even contemplated the idea of getting out of bed. The idea in and of itself seemed exhausting. Expending any kind energy other than the minimal amount to breath seemed like a chore.
Your stomach grumbled as you sat up and looked out the window that nestled itself beside your bed—pushed up against the wall just the way you liked it. It was dark, the day had passed and even though you couldn’t be bothered doing anything, the idea you’d wasted a full day in bed made you feel like shit. Plain and simple. You felt like crap and there was no one else to blame for that intense feeling of disappointment than yourself.
As you climbed over your mess of linen and covers, a not so subtle knock began to echo out through your apartment.
“Rooster!” You groaned, pressing your forehead into your mattress as you slumped in defeat. “Go away! I told you I’m fine!” You weren’t fine, you just didn’t want anyone worrying about you. You had this under control right? Even if you didn’t know what was happening to you.
When the knocking persisted you knew you had to let Bradley in, he’d camp out in the hall before he left without seeing you.
“My god I told you I’m fine!” You groaned as you made your way down the hall. Still in the same clothes you went to bed in yesterday afternoon. “I don’t need you doing welfare checks on me every dam—“ As you opened the door, it took you a second to register that it wasn’t Bradley standing out in the hall. “Jake?” You frowned, suddenly feeling a hell of a lot more vulnerable than you did six minutes ago. “What are you doing here?”
“Bradshaw said you’re on leave?” Was all Jake said as he stepped into your apartment, it still felt like home despite the fact he hadn’t been over in months since your last bust. “What gives Rogue?” He was still in his flight suit, usually Jake showed before leaving base. But you were the priority right now. He just needed to see you. See for himself what the hell was going on.
You watched as Jake made his way into your home, into your sacred space without so much as an afterthought that he may be intruding. He never did think his actions through if he wasn’t inside an F-18.
“Is that your way of asking me if I’m alright?” You rolled your eyes as you shut the front door, making a note to lock it behind you in case any other nosie aviators with callsigns that belonged to the flightless bird community came knocking.
“It’s my way of asking what gives—“ Jake made sure to correct you. “So what gives? It’s not like you to take a break, you’re as good as they come—don’t actually get any better if you want my personal opinion.” It wasn’t a secret that you and Jake rotated as ‘The Best’ like a rositery chicken. He was on top one week and suddenly it was you by just a few points. But the sentiment remained, you were the only one who ever came close to matching Jake Seresin. It was just in your DNA.
“Yeah I don’t remember asking for it.” You hissed, pushing past Jake as he stood in your hallway like a fungus you needed to get rid of before it had a chance to infect you. “Just because I’m the best doesn’t mean I don’t deserve a break from time to time.”
As you made your way down the hall toward your bedroom, Jake noticed the way your shoulders slumped just the slightest bit. He noticed the way you looked as if you hadn’t been out of bed all day, the way your hair looked like a bird's nest atop your head. And he wasn’t sure why you were wearing the T-shirt he thought he’d lost three weeks ago but as it turned out you had it all along.
“Y/n—“ Jake sighed as he watched you disappear into your room without so much as an explanation. “Wait.”
“I need to shower.” It was the toneless way you explained yourself that sent warning signals off in Jake's mind as he followed you.
“Hypothetically if I were to ask if you were doing okay would you tell me the truth?” You and Jake hadn’t always been so short with one another, but it was just the way it was now. It was the dynamic you were used to but loathed so much. You just wanted him to love you the way you saw in all the Disney films that were crammed down your throat as a kid.
But Jake couldn’t. It wasn’t in his DNA.
“Probably not, but like I told Bradshaw last night, I’m fine, just needed some time off work.” You shrugged as you fished through your dresser for a fresh pair of socks. Jake just stood off to the side, unsure of what to make of the mess that was your room. Usually you made it a note to keep your space clean and tidy. But when Jake looked around all he saw was complete chaos, a quick look into the inside of your mind looked like.
“Isn’t that what weekends and annual leave is for?” He mumbled just loud enough for you to hear.
“Couldn’t wait—I’m taking this unpaid and uninterrupted, so if you’ll excuse me, I need to shower.”
“Don’t lie to me.” It came out more like a plea than a demand but it still didn’t sit right with you. You knew Jake Seresin didn’t care about anyone but himself. You’d known him long enough to know that he was selfishly egomaniacal. He didn’t care, not about you anyway. “Don’t lie to me Kerner—“
Jake had stopped you from moving any further towards your ensuite, with a gentle hand wrapped around your forearm.
“I’m. Fine.” You had grit your teeth together to stop yourself from breaking. The force was enough to make your jaw ache. “Let. Me. Go.”
“Really?” Jake challenged. “Because I’m standing on a pile of washing that smells like the inside of Fanboys locker.”
“What has that got to do with anything!” As you ripped your arm out of Jake's grip he was quick to follow you into your bathroom. “I’m behind on laundry, big deal.”
“It’s a big deal for you!” You could feel yourself crumbling the more Jake pressed you for the truth. “I don’t know what’s going on but—“
“Oh what exactly do you want me to say Jake? That I get up and then all day I'm tired, and that I wanna take a nap all day?” Everything you had been trying to hold in and deny was finally bubbling to the surface. “Do you want to hear me say that I have no motivation? That I don't wanna do anything.”
“Y/n—“ Jake tried to interrupt as you threw your stuff on the bathroom floor in a heap. “It’s—“ There wasn’t a single thing Jake could say that could comfort you once the damn had been broken, you had held it all in for so long.
“That I don't want to work, I can’t Jake because if I’m not in my own mind than I could kill myself up there or even worse–I could kill one of you!”
All Jake could do was to stand there and listen as you let him know everything you had been struggling with for the past few months, slowly losing yourself day by day. You didn’t know what was wrong with you, why you felt this way, why all the enjoyment and all of the life had been sucked out of you.
“I don't want to talk to anyone, especially you!” It was then you shoved at Jake’s chest, completely fed up with your emotional turmoil. He didn’t fight back, no. Jake simply held you close to his chest as he pulled you into a warm embrace that you so desperately needed. “I don't want to hang out with anyone, I don’t wanna watch TV or read a book or even go on my phone but at the same time as all of that I'm so bored! I don't care about anything because all that I care about is just surviving.”
“You’re burnt out Rogue—“
“I’m not!!” Jake swore black and blue that was what you’d been trying to get at. “I can’t be burnt out!” He was even more confused than he was when Rooster had tiptoed around the situation earlier that same day. “My dad burnt out when he was at the height of his career and you know what he did?” Jake knew, he loved your dad like his own. Ron Slider Kerner was one of the best men Jake had ever had the pleasure of knowing. “He became a goddamn airline pilot!” There was anger in your voice, a deep sadness that Jake didn’t understand, what was so wrong with being an airline pilot?
“Y/n, Y/n—“ Jake held you as tight as he could. He hadn’t held you like this in what felt like forever. “You’re gonna be okay.” Your head dipped just perfectly under his chin as you broke, there was nothing worse than crying into the arms of the man you loved and hated all at once. “I’m here, you’re gonna be fine.”
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” It was the sadness in your cry for help that broke Jake's heart the most, how long had you been dealing with this by yourself? How long had you been telling the people closest to you that you were fine when you really weren’t. “Why can’t I just—“ You couldn’t breathe. “Why can’t I—“ You couldn’t finish your sentences without nearly gasping for air. “I—I can’t—“
“Okay, you’re alright, come with me. Something about Jake Seresin that surprised you the most was the way he dealt with panic attacks. For a guy as level headed as him he sure suffered in silence for the longest time. But you knew—it was one of the reasons you thought Jake couldn’t stand you half the time.
You knew his biggest weakness. Himself.
“Sit.” Jake led you over to the side of your bed as he knelt on his knees before you. “Now just breathe with me alright, I’ve got you.” It was the calming tone in his beautiful voice that had you giving yourself entirely to him. You didn’t want to be trapped inside your own head anymore. “There’s nothing wrong with you Rogue, everyone goes through burnout, it’s a part of life.” Jake wasn't diminishing your feelings, but from his own experience he knew that there was a weight on your shoulders you needed to rid yourself of. “And it’s real, and it’s valid and it doesn’t mean you aren’t incredibly good at what you do.”
“I can’t handle the pressure—“
“No, you put too much pressure on yourself, that’s what you can’t handle.”
“Oh what do you care Jake!” He’d never seen you like this, so lost and so broken. “Why are you even here right now!”
“Because I care about you! Why else would I be here, huh?” Jake cupped your cheeks gently as he wiped away the tears that streamed down your supple cheeks. “I care about you and when Bradshaw told me you took a leave of absence I knew something was up. This isn’t you.” It was the truth, it wasn’t you and that’s why it scared you so much. You didn’t feel like yourself. “Baby, this isn’t you.”
All you did was cry in Jake's slightly rough palms as he kneeled before you and tried to do what he could to just be present. He hated seeing you like this, so out of your mind and dealing with an existential crisis. But Jake knew what it was like to experience burnout.
“I can’t be burn out—“
“Why not?”
“Because it’s not real?” That was probably the stupidest thing Jake had ever heard you say. “My mum always used to say that being burnt out was just an excuse for not being good enough, it was a cop out.”
“Something tells me that’s a reason why your parents divorced huh?” You couldn’t hold back the small chuckle that escaped through the sobs. “Y/n, what you're experiencing right now is so real it’s not funny—burnout is real and I reckon once you accept that? It’s going to be easier to overcome than to fight off.”
“You seem to know an awful lot about this for a guy who’s as confident as ever.”
“Contrary to popular belief Rogue, I wasn’t born the best.” Jake winked as he leaned in to kiss your forehead. “How about you go have that shower and I’ll order some food and we can talk about it, all of it.”
“Is this your way of trying to get in my pants?”
“Mmm—it usually would be, but no, not this time.” Jake admitted as he graciously helped you stand as you sighed out a deep breath. “I’m here to help, can’t leave my wingwoman behind.”
“I love you Seresin.” You smiled softly as you pressed your lips together in a fine line. It was hard to admit, but you’d never not love Jake. “Thanks for showing up.” Jake mimicked your smile before his lips pressed into a fine line of their own. He nodded softly before you turned on your heels, heading into the bathroom before shutting the door behind you.
“I love you too.”
***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~
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“What are you wearing…?”
Description: you forget about laundry day and are forced with the tough decision of going out in your most embarrassing pajamas set in front of a certain Hermes camp counselor
A/N: I haven't written a fic since uh 2019…? So my writing is a bit rusty but I wanted to try to get back into it so hopefully you all don't think this is too bad😭😭😭 The pajamas are inspired from this OW2 character's outfit but obvi changed for the fic! Anywho if you do like this hopefully it'll inspire me to write even more little fics but thank you for reading if you choose to do so and I hope you're having a wonderful day/evening/night!!
wc:1009
Pairings: Athena!reader x Luke Castellan
Warnings!: fluff pretty much and the reader getting teased
You don't even know how you could have forgotten it was an honest mistake anyone could make but certainly not as embarrassing for everyone else. You had woken up just like any other day yawning not truly ready to get up for the day but at camp half blood unless you're a child of Hypnos sleeping in isn't the smartest.
As you stretch out and then slip your feet into your slippers you finally make that last stumble out of bed. Walking up to my dresser and open up the drawer noticing how barren it is so much so a cartoon mouth might as well fly out. I turned around to march up to my laundry hamper, deciding it better to re-wear something this once than to simply have nothing else until I noticed it was missing from its key spot.
I looked up to see if any of my siblings were in the room and saw my sister, Bea “Hey uh Bea have you seen my laundry hamper? I can't remember where I put it…” I say to her with sleepy confusion laced into my voice “Oh yeah well it's laundry day and you were sleeping for a while so Annabeth decided to take yours and do it for you!” Bea explained, “So all my clothes are in the wash.” “Oh yeah sorry is that a bad thing I mean I can't say I won't judge you if you wanna be those people who don't bathe or anything..” Bea says with an astute tone to her voice and a clear grimace on her face “Um no no it's fine…” I replied under my breath.
I walked back to my drawer deliberating between just going out in my PJs or trying to squeeze into some old t-shirt from my first years at camp. I think we all know what I picked but I did decide if I'm going to wear my PJs out I can still wear my normal shoes, lacing up my sneakers I head out marching my way to the mess hall.
I walk quietly the cold crisp camp air biting at my cheeks while I notice the cold I fail to notice the sound of a certain Hermes boy sneaking up on me before he lightly tugged on one of my braids “Woah woah where are you going girl” Luke said as he stepped in front of me.
“Luke! I hate when you do that my hair takes a while y'know.” Luke irked me to no end yet I couldn't help but enjoy all our tiny arguments. “Hold on. What are you wearing…?”
I look down at my outfit: a basic white sleep tank but then lavender pajama pants with owls and moons scattered about with a matching cardigan on top. “What are you jealous, Castellan?” “Very you think we can get matching sets, hm?” Luke replied with a smirk evident on his face.
“ Ugh Why have you come to pester me Luke” I huff out at him as I shift under his gaze “Just wanted to know if you’re still gonna come to training later” I almost freeze up a little as though it might be small Luke has usually never asked to see if I'm coming or not it's not like its hard for him to get another sparring partner.
“Hmm I don't know.. These are my best fighting clothes. I think they actually might let me beat you this time butttt I already promised Annabeth to sneak out into the strawberry fields with her later..” As I say this I start to continue my walk to the mess hall not letting Luke interrupt my stride.
“Hey wait wait tell her you’ll go on a different day!” Luke jogs back over and starts walking with me “I don't know why you’re being so persistent this time you’ve never acted like this before!” I sass back to him “Oh what I just want to spare with my favorite Athena girl” “Well it's not gonna happen you can spare with me tomorrow okay” my voice holding a teasing tone.
I look at him and scrunch my nose at him as if he were the foul smell you would get if you ventured to the stables. But with that pause in my step, Luke took it to his advantage quickly snagging the owl sleeping mask off of my head and holding it up.
“Well, you'll just have to come by if you want this back then hmm little owl.” With him snatching my eye mask and this newly formed nickname my face glowed a light pink you would think I was a daughter of Aphrodite for a second “Wait what-” Luke already cut me off with a quick peck to my cheek stunning me again and starts to strut off before calling over his shoulder “Okay see you later then my little owl!”
I turn to watch him walk for a mere second before knocking some sense into myself and continuing my walk. I know I shouldn't go. I'm a daughter of Athena, I should be smarter than this but maybe Annabeth could wait a day. It's just fruit… I think I just really need “my sleeping mask” back…
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𝔀𝓮𝓵𝓬𝓸𝓶𝓮 𝓽𝓸 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓶𝓪𝓼𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓽!
click me for asks + requests :)
2k celebration! submit an au/prompt from the list now until halloween :)
requests: open! i am in uni tho so it takes me about 1-2 weeks to answer!
pairings status: closed atm!
rules for requests - i love when you send things 💌
note - message me or comment on any one of my works if you want to be added to a tag list :)
I usually post on mondays, wednesdays, and fridays
izzie's fic recommendations - updated daily!
some things about me :)
the basics: 21, she/her, from the us :)
i'm a second year pharmacy student! also minoring in justice, law, and society
along with writing, i also intern at a perfume company and work at as a pharmacy intern
so naturally my pharmacist series is my absolute favorite to write and research!
𝓶𝔀𝓲𝓲 𝓬𝓸𝓷𝓽𝓮𝓷𝓽 - the full masterlist
don't know where to start? here's a few readers' favorites :)
❤️ - izzie’s favorites
💌 if you want to peek at all of my writings
S E R I E S
"your prescription is ready for pick-up" - 141 x pharmacist!reader
all of my works and our pharmacist reader
a panacea❤️ - 141 meets the cure to all their ailments
sick day visit - you prided yourself on never getting sick but the day has finally come. as you’re resting in your quarters, a certain group pays you a visit :)
fake hypochondriac ghost x reader (sequel to “a panacea”) - ghost goes to extreme lengths to see his favorite pharmacist
pain-killer fueled thoughts price x reader (sequel to “a panacea”) - price landed himself in the medic tent and his pain killers are making him tell the pharmacist his feelings.
keep your weapons hot and bodies hotter (18+) - stripper!141 x fem!reader (codename: Phoenix)❤️
hunk-o-mania 141 edition - feast your eyes on Delilah's Den's newest male dancers
playboy bunny phoenix edition - an unforeseen guest complicates the mission, now you have to get ready to act as the distraction on stage
the joys of civilian life - 141 x civilian!fem!reader
opposite occupations - while on leave, the boys each meet a civilian that makes their time deployed and defending their country worth it
family moments - 141 x fem!reader
little moments and little voices - precious moments you spend in your home with your husband and children :)
oh, darling, don’t you ever grow up - your husband leaves this world too early and now you have to pick up the pieces with your children
secrets and pointed fingers (requested!)❤️ - simon "ghost" riley
behind locked doors - when the 141 thinks you're the mole, they make sure to extract the information in whatever way possible
empty apologies and avoiding glances - when you return back to base, everything is far from normal
half empty glasses and unchanging perspectives - you try to run away from the trauma at the pub but with a glass in hand, simon finds you
O N E - S H O T S
odd hobbies - 141 x reader everyone has their own hobbies, yours are just unique to 141’s perspective
butterfly effect - 141 x fem!reader they say "a butterfly flaps its wings in the amazonian jungle, and subsequently a storm ravages half of europe." what once was a silly quote now has implications as one action leads to your death.
opposite of a meet cute❤️ - 141 x civilian!reader most people have a cute story as to how they met their significant other but yours is a little more eccentric
V I S U A L S + R A N D O M
random things in pockets and bags❤️ SERIES - what does the 141 carry on them when they’re on leave?
pt i- kyle “gaz” garrick
pt ii - simon "ghost" riley
pt iii - johnny "soap" mactavish
pt iv - john price
E X P L A I N S my series of explaining the various timeline's of the games and characters
simon "ghost" riley's backstory
which modern warfare game should i play first?
some writings from the inbox
medication mixup - the medic unknowingly prescribing you a penicillin has disastrous results due to your allergy
141’s dossier - see what the dossiers laswell gets at the end of mw 2019 looks like! + template
ghost’s doppelgänger - how does the 141 and los vaqueros react to you joining the team? their reactions are even better when you share an uncanny resemblance with ghost
running mascara - 141 x fem!reader harsh words are said and you try your best to run away from the cause. however, everyone needs to face the issue eventually and now the 141 is left to pick up the pieces. initially part of my 1k celebration but i added a sequel as it was highly requested! PART I and PART II
mw2 x reader - my ongoing series of pairing y'all up and writing a short lil blurb about how you met and your relationship
izzie’s 1K celebration! - closed now :) but feel free to look and see some of the prompts + how i answered them
𝓪𝓮𝓼𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓽𝓲𝓬 𝔀𝓸𝓻𝓴𝓼
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DELICATE✰ CHARLES LECLERC.
v. i gave my blood, sweat and tears for this
— the one where both of you have given everything to be where you are.
warnings: misogyny, sexual harassment, this is how monaco went btw i accept no criticism. barely proofread, sorry. 3.7k words (+ article, podcast excerpts)
masterlist ✢ next
'Have we let y/n y/ln get away with way too much?'
By Alan Gomez
Yes folks, it might be our own fault, we have created a monster in the form y/n y/ln. Mediocre actress at best and with an even worse personality, if the latest events are any indication.
But how could we let this happen? Come on, we're smarter than this!
The thing is, y/n brainwashed us into believing that her doe-eyed, no-brain characters were actually her. Don't beat yourselves up over this too much, even I was a victim of those pretty eyes. But now that the blindfold has fallen, we have come to realize we have let y/n get away with everything!
You might know y/n from Supercut, the romantic comedy that took the world by storm in 2019, where she starred alongside Aidan Kim and it lead to these two becoming one of the general public’s most cherished couples. At least until two months ago, when their breakup was announced via Inside Out. Although there haven’t been any official statements, given the circumstances, we believe it was the actress who broke it off with Kim.
RELATED:
→ Aidan Kim and friends at Cannes Film Festival
→ Y/N supports alleged boyfriend at charity football match
But whether she’s dating a new guy now or not, why do we keep letting her do whatever she wants?
How did she actually brainwash us into thinking she’s anything close to an “it girl”? After Supercut, all she’s done is the absolute bare minimum to keep people talking about her, it’s all RomComs and no effort. I didn’t want to be that person, and you have to believe me on this, but Aidan Kim made her.
Let’s remember Aidan built his career from the ground as a member of Star-5 the early 2010’s boyband that split in 2018. He was the ‘someone’ in the relationship. How can people even compare having the hit song “Round and Round” in your résumé to being in Scream (Netflix) and The Mist (again, Netflix)?
Aidan made us like her and the writers of Parisian Valentine, The Hating Game and Last Night In Love, did her a HUGE favor by consolidating her as the “Queen of RomComs” by what standard? Well, don’t ask me.
The truth is, we accepted y/n into our hearts and homes, thanks to Aidan Kim and an unbelievable amount of luck, and we haven’t held her accountable for anything ever.
Here’s what I’m talking about, if you’re still wondering what the point of this article is, click on every link to be taken to the whole context, you’ll thank me later:
❍Y/N yells at paparazzi to leave her alone as she walks around Beverly Hills with Victoria Presley.
❍ Y/N praises Taylor Swift while tearing down several male artists for writing songs about their personal experiences.
❍ Y/N says in interview with ELLE that not every movie has to be “profound”.
And just for fun:
❍ A collection of Y/N’s disastrous looks.
It’s time we realize y/n y/ln is talentless, has a horrible personality and feigns innocence she certainly doesn’t have. You will NOT continue to take advantage of us, y/n! It’s all over for you, so I’m glad you’re dropping your pathetic career to become a WAG. #Y/NIsOverParty.
↺ FROM ❛WE WATCH❜ PODCAST
Paul Byrnes: Can y/n really do another role now, after all she’s known for are romantic comedies?
Anna Sanchez: well, I really liked her in The Mist, she did great as character in a horror it was—
Paul Byrnes: No one cares about The Mist, Anna, just you.
Anna Sanchez: all I’m saying is she’s a good actress, she can do other things. That was your question, Paul.
Paul Byrnes: Well, in my opinion she can't and that's it.
↺ FROM ❛IT TALK❜ PODCAST
Greg Zane: Let's talk y/n y/ln and her fashion choices now that she's an F1 WAG. What do we think?
Riley Green: She's a what now? How long has it been since she broke up with Aidan Kim?
Martha Vincent: I think she's looking great, I just wish she'd let go of the ugly caps.
Riley Green: No seriously, how long did she stay single?
Greg Zane: I agree Martha, but caps are big in Formula 1, nothing we can do about that. I'm wondering if she'll go for a more glamorous look in Monaco.
Riley Green: guys? hello?
Martha Vincent: Oh Riley, we're not talking about her love life, let it go.
↺ FROM ❛HOLLYWOOD VIBES❜ PODCAST
Pauline Oscar: [cont.] I'm just so curious about the reason of their breakup, why hasn't anyone said anything?! It must be juicy.
Brenda Yim: I feel like it's bad for one of them, most likely y/n. Hello, can anyone offer one of their friends some money? Just like old times!
Pauline Oscar: [laughs] Definitely! We need to know! Can it get any worse than the fact that she's already with another guy? What's his name? Charles Le what? She soooo cheated.
liked by charles_leclerc, vicpresley, mati.bassi, carlossainz55 and others.
ynfreesia UM THE LIKES?
xxynbaby it's "monaco" of course
aidanluvs you don't even have the decency to pretend like you're alone? fuck you
ynredstar i cannot defend you if you pull this shit girl
mati.bassi great view for breakfast with my best girl!💕
ynredstar oh
ynredstar nevermind thanks mati
↳ feels4aidan don't be so gullible she's obviously covering up for them
THE COMMENTS FOR THIS POST ARE DISABLED.
May 27th, Montecarlo, Monaco.
THERE are tears in your eyes, and despite your best efforts not to let them run down your cheeks, it's futile. The worst part is that you're the one doing this to yourself. There's zero need to read 'articles' from pseudo journalists on how a man gave you your career and how you're tossing it into the trash for another. Not to mention the cascade of curses you received for a picture on instagram, where everyone thought you were with the other man.
Has your life really come to this? People don't talk about you unless a guy is involved? You loathe it. Your career was never about Aidan, and it's not about Charles now. Who only makes things worse every time he shows up and yet you can't manage to bring it up to him.
It's embarrassing. You don't want to walk up to him during whatever free time he has in a hectic weekend, and ask him if it really doesn't annoy him everything the press has made up about the two of you, or if he's really that unbothered by being paired up with you in the wildest scenarios, and tell him that he can shut them down whenever he feels like it (you wish he would already), and let him know you won't mind whatever he says about not being involved with you.
But no, Mr. Leclerc is busy giving unclear answers at interviews and liking your instagram posts, as if this isn't already a wildfire.
You put down your phone and pick it back up almost immediately, Vic's ringtone fills your hotel room and you wipe away your tears before answering her FaceTime request.
"Were you crying?" it's the first thing she says, moving her sunglasses to the top of her head. There's a lot of noise in the background and you can barely make the words out, but she comes so close to the phone that all you can see is the tip of her nose. "Why were you crying?"
"It's nothing, Vic. What's up?" you sigh, rubbing your eyes only makes things worse but you don't want to worry about that now.
"I just got to Monaco, babe," the phone is at a safe distance from her nostrils again and you can see around her, the airport where you landed a few days ago. "I'm with my parents," she rolls her eyes, lowering her voice. "But if you could get me into the Ferrari Suite I can hang out with you tomorrow!"
They allowed you one guest and the spot has already been taken by Mati, so there really isn't much you can do in terms of getting her into the Ferrari Suite. "Well, let me see what I can do, okay?"
"Okay," she sounds unsure, you know Vic enough to be sure she expected a different answer. "I mean my parents have Lounge privileges but it's more fun to be with you."
Had she said something about coming to Monaco you might have been able to do something, but as far as you were concerned she planned to stay in France all week, enjoying Cannes and mingling.
"I'll do my best Vic, but you know how they are," you exhale heavily, "Plus it's a crazy-ass weekend."
"Isn't it always?" she's yawning now, "We can meet for dinner later and you can tell me what's up alright? Being with my parents is so boring."
You shake your head, "Be nice, they just want to hang out with you. I'll call you after Quali," you check the clock on top of the nightstand, it's 10 am. You have to get ready for FP3, which you don't care about attending or not but Stuart Schaffer asked to see you, so you haven't got much of a choice.
"Sure babes, love you." Vic pulls her sunglasses down again and blows a kiss to the screen.
"Love you too," it's your turn to yawn as you tap the hang up button.
You look at the special edition Ferrari cap you received as a gift yesterday on top of your suitcase and immediately discard the idea of wearing it. No caps. And then the wave of disgust invades you, are you seriously going to do what some random man said on a podcast you came across by accident?
The answer is yes, unfortunately.
─────────
You would rip your leg off if you could, at least it would mean you’d be able to get out of this chair and away from Stuart. But his palm resting on top of your knee feels like a death grip and you’re frankly afraid to move in case it goes further up.
Mati decided to skip FP3 and you’re really hoping she’ll be on time for Quali because you have no one else to talk to, Stuart is just parading you around again and keeping you way too close for comfort because he’s in a great mood since both Ferraris maintained their top spots and things are looking hopeful for Qualifying.
You know it’s your chance to ask if you can bring Victoria around tomorrow, and you know the answer will be yes, but you don’t. You don’t want to ask things from this man, he’s the type to never forget a debt.
You barely catch a glimpse of Carlos and Charles as they walk by on the way to their debrief and Charles waves at you quickly, with a single-dimpled smile. He’s wearing the same cap you refused to put on.
“I’m going to call my friend,” you blurt out once Charles is out of sight, finally moving your leg back to make Stuart’s hand drop. “She had the worst hangover, I have to check up on her.”
“Oh, you girls get wild in Monaco,” Stuart cackles as you sprint away from him, actually resisting the urge to wipe your knee clean.
"Hey y/n!" Mati's voice can barely be heard above the EDM playing wherever she is. "What's up?"
"Where are you?" you whine, looking back inside the Suite. "Help."
"What's wrong?" you picture her frowning as she tries to walk away from the noise helplessly.
You feel guilty for worrying her so you sigh. "Nothing, I just hate being here. Are you coming here for Qualifying?"
"Yep," she pops the 'p' and laughs. "Listen, why don't we have lunch here at the yacht and then go back for Quali?"
"Yes!" once again you look over your shoulder to where the Elix men are laughing at their own jokes and patting each other's backs. “I’m on my way, okay?”
“I’ll be right here, also don’t scare me like that again, please.”
“Sorry,” you chuckle, embarrassed. Maybe you’re a bit dramatic at times, but it’s really all good-natured. “See you in a minute.”
You turn to the door of the Suite, giving a short jump back when you open it at the same time as someone else.
“Oh, god,” you sigh, stepping inside as Charles moves out of the way to let you in. “Thanks.”
“Sorry I scared you,” he smiles, closing the door again once you’re fully in. Charles is once again holding a closed Elix can, tapping his fingers on the side.
You eye it suspiciously, wondering if the thing has really grown on him. After all, one of the first things he told you was how much it disgusted him.
“It’s alright. I thought you were in your debrief?” You grab a can of Elix yourself, looking good in front of the sponsors cannot hurt.
“It was a short one. Keep doing what you’re doing kind of thing,”
“Right. Well, good for both of you,” you look around for Carlos but he’s nowhere to be seen. “Would it jinx it to say ‘good luck’ for later?”
You know many sportspeople take their jinxes and rituals way seriously, and you don’t want to be the one to blame if something goes wrong for the local star.
Charles considers this for a second and then shakes his head no. “Wish me luck,” he smiles.
“Good luck, Charles.” You beam back at him, enjoying—despite yourself—the way his eyes burn into yours.
─────────
You’re back at the Suite with Mati 10 minutes before Qualifying starts. The tension that had seeped out of your body in the form of laughter and loud singing with Mati is already making its way back to your back and jaw. You’re not ready to be around the Elix people again, but you must. However, first, you make Matilde promise she won’t leave your side.
Stuart Schaffer is already patting the empty seat next to him when you make your way through the refreshment tables. You smile at him, a muscle in your cheek falters as you walk past him on your way to the balcony, to catch both Ferraris leaving the garage.
“Oh don’t drink that,” you whisper when you see Mati walk your way, two cans of Gold Elix in her hands. “Don’t.”
Matilde snorts, “You’re literally the ambassador of this thing, and you don’t like it?”
“SHHH!”
“Fine, but those guys are looking at us so we have to at least sip it.”
You groan, opening the one she offers you and then taking a huge gulp. “Yum,” you mock.
Mati laughs again before her face goes sour with the taste. “Oh my God,”
“Warned you,” yet you take another sip. You think that if it grew on Charles it might grow on you, but you don’t really see it happening.
Q1 and Q2 go by smoothly, at least for Ferrari and you’re on the edge of your seat for Q3. This is the race you’ve been more excited for, but it’s not like you’ve attended many others. Still, Monaco just hits different.
The end of Q3 almost gives you a heart attack, although you also blame your almost empty Elix. You didn’t even notice how much you drank, but the thing that really gets your heart jumping out of your chest is Victoria’s ringtone.
Begrudgingly, you turn away from the track. She has texted you a thousand times, without exaggerating, since Quali started and you know it’s because she’s bored out of her mind at the Lounge with her parents. But you’re starting to find this genuinely entertaining and you are bothered by the distraction.
“I told you I’d call you after Quali, Vic,” you singsong, looking up at the screens inside the Suite.
“Well Quali is almost over, no one cares about the last three minutes.”
You do, Max Verstappen is in first place, then Charles and Checo in P3. You’re crossing your fingers for Charles to manage to get above both Red Bulls. And for Carlos to squeeze in there too.
You don’t say anything else, too enthralled by the battle on the screen.
“Y/n?” Vic raises her voice, “Are you listening to me?”
“Yes Vic, what is it?”
“We’re going to be at Ferrari together tomorrow, right?”
You wince, glad she chose a phone call instead of FaceTime this time around. You haven’t asked and you don’t intend to. Vic still has VIP Lounge access, she’ll be fine.
“They said no, Vic.” You lie, your eyes scanning the screen, it’s the last lap before they get the checkered flag out. “I’m sorry.”
“What? Why? Did you tell them I can give them publicity? I have one million followers!”
“Monaco is different from Miami,” you explain gently, “But you’ll still be at the VIP, you have a great view.”
“Yeah, whatever,” she’s beyond annoyed now, as it happens every time things don’t go her way. You can’t blame her, but you also think it will be good for her to spend some time with her parents, whom she refuses to visit although they live in Malibu and pay her mortgage. “We’re still up for dinner though, right?”
“Yep! I’ll meet you at your hotel.”
“Okay see you then, babes.”
By the time your eyes return to the screen, Charles is in P1, Carlos in P3 and the Ferrari Suite is exploding in cheers.
YOU’RE up painfully early the next day. Vic and you went back to your respective hotel way past three am and you’re exhausted, but at least you had enough self-control to avoid today’s hangover.
Nevertheless, the morning goes by in a blur between breakfast with Elix people, calls with Mildred and Walter, your manager, and two casting agents that tell you that no, you don’t need to go for an in-person casting, you’re not getting the role.
By the time you get to the Suite you have a headache and the knot on your throat is progressively getting harder to swallow. You only make things worse by rage-reading tweets with your #IsOver hashtag.
People claim, with more force every day, that Aidan gave you everything and you are starting to regret ever meeting him.
You have worked your ass off for years, taking on small roles, commercials, stock-photo deals. Learning scripts and going to castings and taking classes, you have been criticized and rejected for more things than just “not fitting the role”.
You have given everything you are and everything you have, and people assure what you got in return you owe it all to some man.
“Hola y/n!” Carlos is the first one to get back to the Suite and you wish he would rub off some of his good mood on you. “How are you today?”
“Hi Carlos, I’m alright and you?”
“You definitely look it,” he says, semi-sarcastically. “Something on your mind?”
The knot is back in your throat so you shake your head no. “And yours?”
“Nada de nada.” he smiles. You’re still growing on each other, but this is the most comfortable you’ve been while sharing the same space.
Charles arrives while Carlos, Mati (who is hungover from her party at the yachts) and you are comparing workout playlists. Wearing what now seems to be like his comfort cap, and a pair of ugly ripped jeans, he smiles brightly at the three of you.
You’re happy to see both Ferrari boys so smiley after the past couple races. Miami especially. And you hope they’ll do well; but you’re particularly scared for Charles, and whatever it is that made him unlucky in his hometown, you don’t want this day to end on a sour note.
You spend about an hour talking to them about anything, your movies, their races, Mati's tour with Romeo and Juliet. Music, hobbies and quirks, Charles and Carlos have an opinion on everything and they are actually quite fun to be around. Then, a Ferrari Team member comes to get them for the Drivers Parade so you wave them goodbye, wishing them a smooth race.
"You're not going to wish me luck, y/n?" Charles asks, the smirk on his face is one you identify as mischievous, and it makes a small wave of anxiety run down your back.
Mati stops the bottle of water halfway through her mouth to ogle at the two of you, and the palpable tension that has installed itself in the space.
"Good luck, Charles," the smile you return falters in one corner, but Charles doesn't seem to mind as he adjusts his cap and says thank you before leaving behind Carlos.
Mati has forgotten about her need to hydrate and is staring at you with both eyebrows raised. "I thought you were not doing that?" she gestures with her head towards the door through which both drivers vanished.
"I'm not doing anything," you reply, defensively. "He's being—"
"y/n, you could cut the tension there for a minute," Mati finally takes a swig of water and you wait for her to continue talking. "Like I said, I don't recommend it but... you're free to do whatever you want." she isn't unkind while wording that last part, but it still stings you with annoyance.
"Thanks, Mati." you bite the inside of your cheek, leaning back into the sofa.
─────────
The Ferrari Suite explodes in cheers once the checkered flag is out. After a frankly insane race with rain, crashes and too-long pit stops, both Ferraris have crossed the finish line, and most importantly Charles has finally managed to get rid of his Monaco curse. His enlarged picture appears on every screen with P1 right in the middle. Carlos is P4, but the points are extremely important in the long run, so people celebrate nevertheless.
Before you know it, Mati and you are being dragged down to the track for the podium celebrations. You're buzzing with excitement, holding Matilde's hand as you run to one side, where the mechanics can't crush you as they jump up and down.
Even above the general screams of happiness, you can hear talks of 'Charles deserves this so much', 'It was about time' and 'His hard work is finally paying off at home'.
At least someone's blood, sweat and tears are valued.
YOU are probably not living down the Charles dating allegations this weekend. Which is not your fault, honestly, had they enlarged the picture, it would have shown Mati just as excited for Ferrari as you were. She's Italian, and she bleeds for Ferrari.
But right now, surprisingly, you're not overwhelmed with whatever it is they're saying on Twitter. Although it took Mati snatching your phone away and tossing it in her own purse before sitting you down to retouch your makeup for the celebration party.
Victoria is joining you too, because a 'the more the merrier' applies to any sort of party happening in a Monaco club, especially if it is for the unofficial prince.
It is the first time in three months you let go of your worries, even if it is for the shortest amount of time as you dance with Victoria and Mati and drink anything you please and whoop every time the DJ mentions Charles and Carlos.
You're happy to be with your friends, away from Elix and celebrating two people who can become something more than coworkers to you. Although through the night you see them on a few occasions, Carlos waves at you as he passes by a few times only stopping in the third time to let you congratulate him with a quick hug that's more of a shoulder squeeze than anything.
Charles is obviously harder to approach, and to be fair, it's not like you're even trying. He's surrounded by his hometown friends and by anyone who wants to have his attention for a minute, for a picture or a dance or to buy him a drink.
It's past three am when Victoria is beyond buzzed and you're starting to feel exhausted so you decide it's time to leave. Mati has found someone to take home so she's been gone for around forty minutes, minding her business.
"Come on, let's go," you are grabbing Victoria by the wrist as her ankle twists. "We've both had enough," you laugh, Victoria joins your laughter as you snake through the crowd of people pumping fists in the air, some of them point and wave at you and you smile back at them politely.
You hear your name being passed around a few times, but you focus on finding the exit while keeping Victoria by your side, who has started to whine about not wanting to leave.
Once you break into the outside, you take a breath of fresh air, the coolness makes your skin rise in goosebumps and you shiver, letting go of Victoria to lift the hair on the back of your neck.
"It's too early!" Victoria complains once again, her eyes are glassy and she's just as sweaty.
"It's not, plus you're drunk, we should leave," your ears still feel drowned in the sound of music. “My feet are killing me.”
The exit opens again, and a couple stumbles out laughing and they tell Vic and you goodbye in drunken French. Before the door shuts again, Charles is out on the street too.
"I heard you were leaving," he says in what you're sure it's a too loud voice. But your ears have barely stopped ringing, so you can't blame him. "Are you two okay?" he eyes Victoria, who is starting to lean down on her knees to soothe her dizziness.
"Oh we're alright, we've just partied enough," you smile at him. Charles is rosy, bright-eyed and sweaty. Is it corny to describe someone as painfully handsome?
"I didn't get to congratulate you," you add, trying to keep your attention on Charles while being aware that Victoria might start retching at any given moment. "You did amazing."
Victoria straightens immediately, her glassy stare focusing on Charles. "You're such a good driver, Charles, for real."
"Thank you," Charles nods awkwardly a few times as Victoria pokes him with her left index finger. "And thank you y/n."
"Come on, Vic," you chuckle, keeping her hand away from Charles. "Seriously though, I'm happy for you."
Charles smiles again, running a hand through his hair. "Thank you, really. I'm sorry I didn't see you earlier," he points behind him, to the club.
"It's your party, you can't be everywhere,"
Vic is yawning loudly, and you roll your eyes, amused. "We better get going."
"y/n, when are you flying to Spain?" Charles blurts out, the moment you turn to lead Vic down the street.
"I'm not sure, Wednesday probably?"
"You know, I can still show you a place or two in Monaco. If you want." He sinks his left hand in the front pocket of his dark jeans, and you wonder where the mischievous aura from what seems like ages ago went.
You pause, letting Vic put her whole weight on your shoulder as she finally gives up to the exhaustion. "Um well..."
The same tension that appeared at the Ferrari Suite is back, and the more you hesitate, the thicker it becomes.
Victoria pulls you down with her as she throws her head back, yawning again. Charles is just in time to hold you back up, his other arm pulling Vic back to a standing position.
"Only if you want," he says, he is far too close now and you can smell the mix of alcohol and cologne on him.
And maybe it's the alcohol in your own system, and you'll regret this once you sober up and realize that you told Matilde several times this is exactly what you were not going to do, but you say yes.
─── team principal radio: ❝thank you for reading! I hope you've enjoyed this chapter. I want to say thank you to everyone who interacts with this series, it means a lot to me to know that you're enjoying it!♡❞
✰ paddock club members: @majx00
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POEMS IN VERSE(S)
sypnosis — you meet jay randomly on a subway, and soon your conversation turns into more than just the silly poem book he’s reading
warnings — profanities, mentions of insecurities, angst, they’re so gross (in a “i’m jealous” way), food/eating/drinking, lmk if there are any more :)
pairing — jay x fem!reader
word count — 3.8k+
yen’s note — i worked very hard on this and i’m pretty happy with this so i hope u enjoy :) also this is a scheduled post
Spring Break, 2019
You counted down the amount of days it would be until you turned 17.
17 was the golden age—Or at least it was supposed to be. But the thrill of turning a new age was over by the next 15 minutes. Your big smile that had originally been processing the newfound year of your life slowly dropped, as your age didn’t really matter much to anyone else than your mom or dad.
17 was when you first realized that people didn’t really care as much as you thought they did. No one would care if your hair was slightly frizzy and tangled from the light wash of rain or the fact that you enjoy reading and writing poetry.
You realized no one cared, but it was hard to stop believing it.
So, you brought a hairbrush around, or quickly hid your journal and pen anytime someone got close to you.
You’re still 17. And you still felt like how you felt 15 minutes after midnight. You felt dull. Washed-out. And the rainy season hasn't helped enlighten your mood at all.
You decided to take an impulsive day trip south, to the buzzing city of Seattle, and also wanting to take a break from everyone and the life you knew. You rushed to the subway, the tote bag that hung on your shoulder had collided with your body every step you took.
You stand right in front of the entrance, scanning the cart to see one empty seat. Sitting down, you address your surroundings, trying to read if maybe it would be a better idea to stand.
Next to you was a man around your age. Silently reading a book with a familiar cover. Staring at the book longer than you realize, you can see the man next to you no longer focused on the book, but you.
“Oh—I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to be staring, I just recognized the book, Lee Jieun right?”
You almost dreamily sigh every time she’s mentioned. Lee Jieun had been your favorite author for longer than you can remember, one of your favorites by her being the one the unnamed man happened to have been reading.
“Do you know her?” He asks.
Looking up at you he jerks his head to the left, his light brown hair moves out of his eyes revealing his full face. You almost forget to answer the question, busy goggling at the sight of him. His eyes laid in yours, awaiting your answer patiently.
“Yeah, I-um she’s one of my favorites actually.”
His eyes subtly check you out, you quickly realize how stupid you must’ve looked with the amount of frizz in your hair from the light drizzle outside. Slowly but not too obviously, you bring your hands up, brushing through whatever you could. Explaining to the man that the book he was reading was one of your favorite poem books. Accidently sharing that you look up to her poems and hope to have the ability to write and share your writing as inspiration for others.
He listens intently, before asking, “You write?”
Your ears grow warm as you answer every question he asks. An unusual thing that happens to you. The conversation grows into each other's lives. And you feel as if you know every part of him as he continues to talk.
Park Jongseong is his name but his English name is Jay. His favorite color is green. He likes fashion and cooking. He enjoys autumn and poetry as much as you do. He’s allergic to cats—which is a shame considering the amount of cat hair over your bag that you discreetly try to brush off while he’s talking. His favorite ice cream flavor is Pistachio and he’s not a huge fan of mint chocolate.
You’d usually argue that mint chocolate is the perfect flavor for a hot summer day but you keep quiet, just this once.
Something must’ve snuck into your brain and rewired it because you don’t seem to mind him knowing that you write. In fact you even offer to let him see your works. He reads each word intently, as if it was the most shocking news of the year.
His favorite is the one you spent the most time on. But it didn't feel as if it was your best work. You didn’t keep quiet about that fact, you hesitated to even let him read that page, but the one line seemed to have piqued his interest. Almost as if his eyes had been glued onto the small stanza.
Together we’re complete
Our perfect harmony
is truly beautiful.
You were always one to believe in soulmates, or finding someone that perfectly fit next to you. Like the final piece to your complicated puzzle. Your belief often appeared in your writings. Hoping that maybe one day, you’ll meet the missing piece from your board. That day hadn’t come yet. But you were counting down the days just as if you were about to turn 17 again.
“I like that line. What does it mean?” He asks.
“I don’t know, it just sounded right.”
That’s a lie. You know exactly what it means to you. But even as comfortable as you had felt with Jongseong. It was something too personal to share.
If you could name anyone who was the biggest sucker for romance you would name yourself. But it’s been 17 years, and you don’t even think that it was a possible option for you. Sure, you hoped to find your soulmate. But your soulmate could’ve easily been a truly platonic one. And you were losing hope for any romance coming your way. Writing about romance made you feel as if the small ball of hope was still there, and you just had to wait for the right time.
Those 17 years had told you that you couldn’t be loved. No matter how hard you tried, or even begged. This epiphany randomly hit you in the middle of buzzing parties or small group hangouts, the thought of nobody ever loving, let alone liking you constantly consumed you. Constantly bringing down your mood. That’s why you’re so fond of the idea of soulmates. Because soulmates are perfectly perfect together, and that's ensured by the universe.
He lets out a chuckle, with an understanding nod. Skimming through the small notebook you handed him.
“Why are you heading to Seattle?” You ask as he finishes, placing the notebook neatly in your bag. His mouth parts slightly, carefully choosing what to say. “I’m just taking a day trip, wanted to go explore alone.”
A small smile breaks out of you. “Would you want to travel around Seattle together?”
Jongseong lets your smile grow onto his lips, accepting your bold offer.
The conversation ends and he reopens his book, continuing the page he was on. The ride still had at least thirty minutes to go, and you didn’t want to use all your phone battery now.
You glance over to his book, cursing at yourself for forgetting to bring something to do other than play the stupid games on your phone. He silently reads as your head moves to his shoulder, laying it down and reading with him. You can feel him flinch ever so slightly, his shoulders relax before he moves the book over to the middle of you two, not uttering a word while doing so.
“Thank you,” Your voice is barely above a whisper, and you’re not sure if he even heard it until he responds.
After around 45 minutes the subway comes to a stop and you tap Jongseong, pointing at the moving text on the sign to show you that you’re at your destination. He hastily picks up his stuff, grabbing your hand and walking out the doors.
“Where do we go?” You ask, looking around for any sort of sign that states the direction.
“Just follow me, I've been here a few times.” His warm hand leads you through the busy people trying to get in, pushing through the loads of people heading towards the small amount of doors in the cart. Jongseong looks back every so often, making sure the hand he’s holding isn’t a ghost. Your eyes lock, and you show him a small smile of appreciation. He smiles back, raising his eyebrows before turning back around, leading you through the clusters.
Finally, you walk up the stairs, stepping into the daylight. Still hand in hand, you use your off hand to cover your eyes from the shade. “Didn’t think it would be so sunny after all the rain this month,” You squint at the bright sky, looking over to Jongseong. He’s rummaging through his bag, pulling out a small box, opening it to reveal sunglasses. You chuckle at how prepared he is, until he places the sunglasses on you.
Your stomach erupts in butterflies as your mouth parts slightly, a smile grows on his face. “Oh no, keep them. I don’t need them” You hastily take off the sunglasses, handing them to him. He takes them, putting them back on you. You’re about to protest when he says. “Stop—just take them. I want you to wear them,” He mumbles.
You smile at him, “Thank you Seong.” The nickname comes out naturally, like you’ve known him for years. He smiles, looking away to hide the growing redness of his cheeks. You let out a breathy laugh, covering the bottom half of your face to hide the flustered state you’re in.
“Where do you wanna go?” He asks with a shy smile still planted on his face. You shrug, answering, “I have no idea. Do you have any ideas?”
His smile becomes less shy and somehow forms into a slight smirk “I have an idea.” his hands encase yours once again, and he whisks you two off to the unknown direction.
The walk is around twenty minutes, but it goes by quickly. While you two are racing to see who can hit the crosswalk button, you notice the crowds of people around the big red letters stating, “Seattle’s Farmers Market.”
You squeal, a hand coming up to cover your mouth. “I’ve always wanted to go here! You’re like a mindreader, Seong.”
With his other hand he pinches your cheek, squeezing your hand and leading you to the entrance. The growing crowd of the market pushes you to bump into each other every so often, you both laugh it off, placing your attention to whatever shop you’re checking out.
Coming across a tropical fruits stand, you start looking around, picking up a tray every so often. Not realizing the missing warmth from your hand, you scan the selection of fruits. Picking up a Rambutan, you move the tray around, trying to see if the fruit will be worth the price. You’re eye level with the fruit until you feel a tap on your shoulder.
You whirl around, to see Jongseong. A big grin planted on his face as he revealed why he’s smiling so much. A bouquet of tulips, wrapping in brown paper with twine wrapped around it waiting for you to take. But you’re frozen—Did he really just buy flowers for you?
He thrusts his hands out towards you, gesturing for you to take them. You let out a giggle, taking the brown wrapped plants out of his hands. “Gosh you’re so sweet. What did I do to deserve all of this?” You ask, the corners of your mouth slowly upturn when you look at the flowers, admiring the arrangement of light pink tulips. “Can’t I spoil you?” He responds smoothly, not letting you respond before linking your arms and heading to the next stalls.
Passing—What felt like hundreds of stalls, your feet started to cramp up. Both of you decide to take a break and sit down, finding a cafe nearby. You order for the both of you and pay—Which he strongly protests but you feel too bad for him spending too much money on you. Sitting down you let out a sigh, finally letting your feet take the much needed rest.
You two make small talk, talking about your favorite shops or something you wish you had bought. When the barista calls out your name you shoot out of your seat, exchanging a glance with Jongseong before walking over, thanking the lady and grabbing your drinks.
A wave of comfortable silence washes over you two as you try your drinks, glancing out the huge window by your table. You watch as families, couples, or just one person pass by that window. Trying to figure out something about them as they quickly pass by.
After an hour of quiet conversations of whatever intrigues you, you decide to leave the cafe. Dinner time was approaching and you wanted to beat the rush. Surprisingly, you both quickly decide on a restaurant to go to, a nice restaurant that perfectly suited your cravings. During dinner you exchange numbers, not being able to wait for the next time you’ll see each other.
The sun starts setting when you both decide to go home, walking to the subway station hand in hand. Paying for your fare you both head on the subway, sitting down next to each other. A yawn washes over you, laying your head back and closing your eyes—It’s not like you’ll fall asleep right?
It’s a shame that you did fall asleep. You feel yourself being gently shaken awake by Jongseong. You lift your head up from his shoulder, looking around the subway.
“Your stop is the next one. Can’t have you half asleep walking home.” He chuckles, you rub your eyes. Trying your best to stretch with the little space you have. “Thank you Seong.” You yawn, letting out a small smile.
He nods, inviting the smile from your face onto his. The subway comes to a stop once again and you look at him with a slight sadness. Planting a chaste kiss on his cheek you let out, “I had fun today, Seong. Let’s do it some time again, yeah?”
“Okay,” He says, smiling. “Text me when you get home okay?” You salute him, walking away with a lovesick smile on your face.
Jongseong holds the same one, still feeling the linger of your kiss on his cheek. He lets his hand touch his cheek, embarrassed by the amount of warmth that flooded his cheeks.
Spring, 2021
It had been around a year and a little over a half since the two of you had even talked.
You don’t know if he got a new number or randomly ghosted you. Even though you had met a bunch of times after, it seemed like he realized that he didn’t like you as much as you thought he did.
You should’ve expected it, I mean—It’s not like anybody could like you that much.
Sighing, you open the messaging app. Typing something in his chat before deleting it. Scrolling up to your old messages.
You hated the fact that you missed him even though you never even dated. You hated the fact that you thought you could be something more than just a failed situationship. You hated the fact that you thought someone could prove you wrong and that someone could love you.
But, of course. All good things came to an end. And what seemed to be like the only good thing in your life, completely ghosted you. You like to believe that he got a new number and forgot to tell you, or lost his phone and had to get a new sim card. But it still hurt.
So, everytime you thought of him, you reopened those messages, trying to reiterate the happiness you felt while texting him.
Looking down to the bottom of your phone you see the empty textbox, mocking you for opening the chat once again. You decide, What’s the harm in messaging him? Maybe he just missed your last few. Clicking on the textbox you type slowly, carefully thinking about your words before sending it.
hey, are you still there? didn’t take you for the type who ghosts girls
You sigh, deleting the text quickly. Looking over to see the ungodly hour of the night displayed on your clock you place your phone down, tucking yourself nicely under the blanket, praying to every god that maybe, he’s okay.
Autumn, 2022
“Have you heard Enhypens recent album? It’s so good!” Hanni exclaims, changing the music playing in the background to listen to the album.
“This is like a few months old, but anyways—Shout out is the best song ever, you should play that song.” Minji answers. They both look at you, asking for your opinion. “Who’s Enhypen?” You ask, eyebrows furrowing as you look up from your phone.
Minji scoffs, “My seven boyfriends. Listen to this song! Isn’t it so good?”
You listened to the background, bopping your head to the upbeat guitar in the instrumental. The lyrics were sweet, and meaningful. Even though you quit poetry, words still had lot’s of meaning for you, and you loved when they found significance in songs. One guy’s voice sounds so vaguely familiar, you brush it off. You probably just saw a clip of him singing a while back and didn’t remember. Getting to the second verse you pay much attention to the lyrics. Your jaw drops hearing one of the lines.
“What’d he just say? Can you rewind a few seconds Hanni?” You ask and she shrugs, opening her phone to go back a few seconds.
Listening to the same verse again you hear those awfully familiar lyrics.
Our perfect harmony
Is truly beautiful
You know those words like the back of your hand. You wrote these exact words in a poem two or three years ago. Could this be a coincidence? Probably, right? You’re too consumed in your own thoughts to hear both of the echoes of your name, following with Hanni asking why.
Slowly pulling out your phone, you quickly search “Enhypen” into the bar. Looking at the members you scan the faces. Looking at them all you see—
Jay.
That’s Jongseong.
No way, it can’t be. Clicking on his link you’re met with a collage of images. Your body seems to be moving faster than your mind because immediately you scroll down to read the small box of information about him. Oh and of course his name is Park Jongseong too but that's a coincidence, right? Switching apps, you open a selfie you and Seong took on one of your few dates.
You feel as if your eyes will shoot out of your brain, blurting out “I know him.”
Minji and Hanni both exchange weird looks, “You know who? Enhypen? Letting out a hesitant nod, they both rush over to see Jongseong’s information box on your screen. Switching apps to show them the selfie, then each side by side. “Y/n, you know Jay? As in Enhypen’s Jay?” Hanni gives you a bewildered look. You turn your head up to see Minju sharing the same one. Blinking profusely, you try to figure out how this is even possible.
“Yes! Remember the guy who ghosted me like two years ago? That’s him!” You exclaim, aggressively pointing to a picture of him. Minji’s mouth opens, forming an “o”. You all sit in silence processing this information.
Breaking the silence, Minji scoffs, “You’re telling me you had a situationship with Jay Park?
Another long silence follows, you all try to process the fact that the one you deemed as “the one who got away” was globally famous. Maybe he realized his worth, and left you. Maybe, he didn’t bother contacting you because he secretly disliked you. Or maybe he—
“Y/n, he’s coming to Seattle.”
You whip your head to the incoming voice. Instead of seeing a face, you see a phone, straight in front of you listing tour dates. You grab a hold of the phone, making sure you read the words right. “Seattle, Washington. 9/28.”
“They’re coming in a week?” You exclaim, eyes not leaving the phone for a second. Hanni rushes over and you all huddle around the phone. Your breath quickens as you process even more information. And you felt like your brain was about to explode, he would be. in city? in a week?
Hanni practically screams, shaking your shoulders harshly. She seems much more excited than you did, blabbering about how you would reunite and fall in love again. Rolling your eyes, you hand Minji back her phone. You start to question every life decision you had made in the past three years. Would he even remember you? What if it’s a different Jongseong who just happened to have the same name and look exactly like the Seong you once knew? Would you even run into him for the few days he’s there?
These thoughts circle in your brain as you lay down in bed. You thought you were over him—you weren’t even anything to begin with. Maybe it's the quickening beat of your heart to the thought of him , or the smile you hold in whenever you look back at your texts, or maybe even the loneliness you felt after him that keeps you going.
Autumn, 2022
The light breeze engulfs your body. Even though the sun seems to be blinding everywhere it’s still as chilly as ever. Looking at everyone’s outfits on the sidewalk you realize how stupid you look. Fully clothes but with sunglasses covering your eyes. Was it a necessary choice? No—but you realized that after you had left the house. It didn’t matter anyways, you could just take them off (you weren’t but it was still an option).
Taking your lunch break you walk to the cafe around the corner from your building. Recognizing the cafe as one you visited a few years ago. You ordered the same drink you did three years ago—also ordering a sandwich to eat. You sit down at a table two tables away from the one you once sat at. Placing down your sunglasses you glance around the cafe while waiting for your food.
Noticing a man in a baseball hat and a mask, you squint trying to see his face. Giving up seconds later and observing someone else. Eyes latching onto the pretty barista making your order. Watching as she quickly makes your sandwich and starts on your drink, not wasting a second to spare.
“I think those sunglasses are mine?” The masked man comes up to you, taking off his baseball cap. You get a better view of his eyes, recognizing the crinkle of his eyes when he smiles.
“Jay?” It’s barely above a whisper, but he still hears it.
He pulls down his mask, showing the face you once knew three years ago, but much more mature now. “Y/n, can we talk?” He sounds nervous, almost jittery. Constantly looking around at the strangers walking by.
“Yeah, of course.” The light tone of your voice calms him down every so slightly, sitting down in front of you with a lopsided smile.
Never in your life would you have thought you’d meet a celebrity that actually wanted to talk to you, And never in your life would you expect it to be him. Seong—Your Seong, sitting in front of you, carefully selecting every word he utters to you. The one who always knew what to say, can’t seem to get the right words out.
taglist : @jwnghyuns @ja4hyvn @trsrina @redm4ri @badmuni @yeokii @enhastolemyheart @softpia @s00buwu @ox1-lovesick
hope u liked 😍
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This is a thank you, not an ask. I guess I would be classified as a lurker in the Tumbler world since I primarily only read what others write. But I did make a comment to you once and you responded so you made me feel comfortable enough that I could send this to you. Shippers have unknowingly been helping me stay sane these past few years. My husband has Alzheimer’s with Aphasia and I have been his sole caretaker for a long time. Having this responsibility is not for the faint of heart. One day in early 2019 I stumbled across Outlander and like a lot of others, was in, hook, line and sinker and Jamie & Claire and Sam & Cait became part of my daily life. Last week I had to place my husband in a memory care facility. It was an agonizing decision and I prayed for a sign that this was the right move. As stupid as this may sound, I think my prayer was answered. On the second day he made a friend. His name is Jamie. Only in the Outlander world would this have any meaning, but we've now got a sweet Jamie in our lives. You may officially call me crazy. Thank you to you and all the other shippers for all the smiles and happiness you've brought to me and many others. It kept me going.
Dear @jovialchaoslover,
By all means, do not thank me, even if I felt incredibly moved and honored by your submission, on behalf of the entire OL Shipper community. In fact, I should thank you, because for all those name calling and finger pointing Anons, you get to read something as genuine, moving and personal. These moments are rare and precious (and should remain so). They make you feel useful, in a very unexpected way.
You are one of those daily life unsung heroes and I want you to know that you are probably way stronger than you would ever think. I can only imagine the kind of experience you are now going through, even if I am (like many daughters, all around the world) only too aware of the cruelty with which old age sometimes disfigures beloved family members. I have only a remote idea of my own grandmother's quick descent into dementia and death, but I do have a very direct experience of the grueling toll it took on our family. Especially on my own mother, who let everything go and cared for her until the very last moment.
With the proper care solution in place, you will find yourself with a lot of time on your hands. A spare time you perhaps forgot existed. Please (I urge you) use it wisely and never forget this is all about you. You more than deserve it and the moment is now. I may know a thing or two about emptiness and void. They are incredibly enticing and treacherous. Please try and do something for you every single day. It does not matter if it is important or completely futile: it is about YOU and changing the angle will change everything. Remember the wonderful woman I am sure you are and try to reconnect with her. I can promise you she is not very far and I bet she misses you, too.
Last but not least, let me tell you that I will never call you crazy for having shared that Jamie story with us. I think it was very brave of you and I can confidently tell you it even has a name. What you experienced is called synchronicity and it is part of the tiny and personal magic of daily life. People as serious as Carl Gustav Jung dedicated their life to try and make some sense of this. And it all started with one of his patients (he was a shrink) describing a very vivid, recurrent dream of hers, that featured a scarab beetle. At the very same time, they both saw a scarab beetle (uncharacteristically) tapping on the window. The woman was not instantly cured (psychoanalysis does not exactly work like this), but it helped both of them overcome a very frustrating communication barrier.
That Jamie story is a real synchronicity, too, because it is meaningful for you and nobody else. It happened for a reason you are the only one to understand, in time. I could talk about it for hours and link it (as Jung did) with my beloved I Ching or with a couple of dead(ly) serious German philosophers, for some extra gravitas. But I am not going to over-complicate things. You got this. You are strong and brave and believe it or not, I am sure you are also loved by many.
I also think Caitriona Mary Balfe and Sam Roland Heughan should read your ask, finally understand their magic brought solace to many, many people around the world and get their damn act together for Season 8. But that is a different story altogether.
For the rest, if you want, we will be here for you. Me and probably other kind people on this side of the fence. Anytime you want, here or in DM. It may not be much, but it is something.
PS: that may or may not have brought a #silly tear, you know.
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Rainbow Furby Deepdive
Now that I've decided my website is a sea slug fansite (long story) I don't have anywhere to put my rainbow furby research. I considered putting it in a youtube video, but decided to post it to tumblr instead.
Anyway, here it is! The forbidden furby lore.
On the 14th of June 2016 supersonicmario0770 made a post on the adoptafurby forums. The thread was titled "Rainbow Furby?" and included a link to an archived ebay listing.
"I have never seen one of these before or where it came from. I can't find it when I look it up, no sign of it anywhere online but this ebay listing. It's pink with rainbow ears, hair, and chest."
At first most forum members thought it was a customized furby with dyed fur, although some thought it could be an unknown prototype.
While the ebay listing is unarchived, we know roughly what it said.
On the 15th aibo7m3 posted this:
"I would err on the side of caution and and say that it's probably a custom too, but the seller's story is that this furby was an employee gift given to some of the members at tiger electronics (including her husband)."
Two weeks later on July 6th furbyandchips made a forum post, providing pictures of their own rainbow furby.
"My friend bought me the other rainbow furby the seller on ebay was selling. Identical to this one. I do not believe it to be fake or custom made.
I have inspected it closely and the bottom of the box was open, so the inside cardboard can be removed, but the furby is still attached to the cardboard and didn't look tampered with.
All tags are present and in mint condition. Everything is as it should be and looks like it was made in a factory and not customized by someone.
The seller told my friend the same story which I believe to be true going by the fact the other furby she bought with it was only furby number 4 of that release, which makes me think it could of been someone who worked for tiger to have such a early one.
This furby is in a regular box but if you look at some of the other special editions they too were in regular boxes."
Three years later, on the 19th of January 2019 furbyandchips provided an update on their website heyfurby.com.
"Hello Furby Fans! To start off our new blog, I thought I would write about a very interesting Furby in our collection. I do not know her Furby name as I have never switched her on, she is still attached to the cardboard base from the factory. We decided to name her May May, which means Love ;-)
A good friend found May May on Ebay America and I have never seen another furby like her. A while ago I posted about May May on a furby forum to try and find out some information about her, but no one there had ever seen or heard of this furby. I'm not sure which generation she is, if she is a prototype, limited edition or something very special. She has all tags present and looks to be an Official Furby Release.
Looking at the photo you will see she has rainbow eyelashes and a purple face plate, unlike any other furby. She also has rainbow pattern ears, mane and belly.
Her colours are amazing and I wonder if there are any more around like her. We will always treasure May May and hope to eventually find out more information about her. Stay tuned!"
furbyandchips quickly provided an update on the 21st.
In this post, furbyandchips described searching the wayback machine for furby.com articles, finding what they were looking for on a page titled 'news updates'.
From the 9th of November 1999 until the 1st of August 2000 a competition to design a furby took place on the back of Post brand cereals. Children 17 and under were asked to color in their own furby design, and send their entry in the mail by the 1st of August 2000. Twelve designs at random would then be selected and posted on furby.com where a winner could be voted by the public.
The winner was Brittany from Missouri, who won a trip to the furby design studio in Illinois, as well as recieving their own furby.
However, furbyandchips was still left with some unanswered questions.
"So it turns out that this is in fact an official Furby-Tiger Release! (some doubted this on AdoptaFurby Forum). I wonder if 'Brittany from Missouri' still has her Rainbow Furby? Also were any of the other 12 entries created?
As far as I know, there are only two Rainbow Furby's in existence. The one that I own, and the other one the original seller (maybe) still has? After some more detective work, I found out the other rainbow Furby had a highest bid of $525.00 before the seller chose to end the auction early! I can only guess they had a change of heart and wanted to keep it."
Eight months later, on the 11th of august 2019 an update was posted on the private facebook group Furby Collectors.
"Hi guys! I'm brand new to this group, and while I'm not a “collector” per-se, i am very proud of this furry rainbow dude right here. He's one of three in existence, made in 2000 when i was just 10 years old. i just so happened to be the lucky winner of a coloring “design your own Furby” contest hosted by Post cereals back in the day. i was flown to Rhode Island with my family and allowed to tour the Hasbro factory, meeting the artists, getting sneak peaks into prototype toys to come, and got to meet the CEO himself! He presented to me, in a formal greeting ceremony, with three of the Furbies I'd designed as a little girl. One to play with (kept outside of the box), one to keep sealed, and one they put into their archives. i felt ike a Charlie and the Chocolate Factory! Truly a dream come true for a kid. Sadly, when i was 16 years old, 13 years ago now, my boxed Furby was stolen from me and sold by my late older brother who had been battling an incredibly difficult and heartbreaking addiction. I've come to terms with it over the years, but have always wondered what happened to the rainbow siblings of this furry cutie. I'd seen images posted online of an Ebay listing with one of the sibling Furbies before but have not discovered much more about their fates. thought I'd reach out here and give a bit of backdrop to this weird story in hopes i may learn something! Here I've included a goofy photo of my multicolored friend from recently and a clipping of the arcticle written from when i was an excited 10 year old girl!"
This still leaves some questions. If the other furby furbyandchips's friend bought was number four, then why would the facebook poster believe there to be only three in existance, why would furbyandchip's believe only two to exist, and why would the original ebay seller say their husband recieved two as an employee gift?
We can most likely rule out the brother making both ebay listings, since he only had access to one furby.
Could there be more rainbow furbies that we don't know of?
If you have any more information on this furby, please get in touch! I tracked down the news article the original creator was mentioned in, but I needed a newspaper.com subscription to view it so I wasn't able to get further information from that. I also wasn't able to check the facebook group for further updates as I don't use facebook.
If anyone has pictures of the back of the rainbow furby and can share them, that would be appreciated!
Here's some more images:
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Batman #145 (preview)
It infuriates me how Zdarsky kept having his Joker refer to Zur en Arrh as the real you or the true Batman. I understand there are many ways to write a character such as Joker, but to have him regard the OG Batman, who in part made him, as a second best to Zur, whom he had only met twice in his entire career, is so...jarring.
I sure damn hope Zdarsky was still cooking and intentionally having Joker spouting nonsense to mess with Batman here because God forbid if Joker was truly being sincere, it would taint all the history between him and Batman in the past decades, turning their dynamics lukewarm if not deploringly lackluster.
And why would Joker care to break the like of Zur in the first place? As formidable as he may, what's so sacred about Zur that needs defiling?
His swift execution of justice? Disproportionate uses of violence? Or his unadulterated brutality? Were these the qualities that left the Joker so enamoured?
One may say it's only natural that Joker would want to unleash his chaos upon Zur, who thinks himself a personification of control and order. But even considering his extreme measures, Zur has never stood against Joker at his core in the ways that Batman has.
In a world where nothing matters, Batman swoops in and fights him by trying to give meaning to everything. And he saves Joker, too, because he believes all lives are worth saving. And that's why Joker is determined to break him. He needs Batman to be wrong.
But what about Zur? Zur is just another man in power. He's dangerously competent, but he upholds no sanctimonious codes. They fight because they have different goals, but there's nothing inherently personal. Joker would not mourn the loss of Zur, and Zur would never feel the weight of guilt from refusing to let his monster bleed to death.
Then again, it might simply be my fault that I lack media literacy. Perhaps it has been Zdarsky's intention all along that Joker was lying. Maybe Joker elevating Zur to such esteem was just a part of his plan to push Bruce to ascension?
On a not-so-unrelated note, as there are many references to Scott Snyder's work in this run, I can't help chewing on how Zdarsky and Snyder differ in their interpretations of Joker.
While Snyder's Joker made it clear that he only cared about Batman and not Bruce, he had never wished for Batman to forgo his humanity.
The most Joker demanded of Batman was to get rid of the family that burdened him (which, funnily enough, Zur agreed). But his resentment stemmed from loneliness and jealousy.
In his heart of hearts, Joker knew they could continue their dance because Batman let it be so, hence the belief that his feelings towards Batman were reciprocated.
Joker even came to admit at one point that he no longer wanted to see Batman broken. What he wanted was for neither of them to win.
The Batman Who Laughs #4 (2019)
And unless something akin to 'Last Knight on Earth' happened, I see this as their dynamic in later years until either (or both) of them perished (which is unlikely to be soon as they both refused to let the other die).
Therefore, this Joker would never want Zur to enter the picture as it had been shown time and time again that when met with the more brutal, more...radical Batman(s), he always chose to side with the Batman who stayed humane.
Like when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object, Joker is in love with Batman who refuses to change.
Batman: Last Knight on Earth #3 (2019)
The True Batman, for him, was the Batman who could withstand any test Joker and the world threw at him and remained the same.
Well..., who would like to keep dancing with a man who wouldn't dive from the top of the building after you anyway?
Still, I want so bad to be wrong about Zdarsky. I hope he has plans for them more than he lets on. (T w T)
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Hey everyone! It's, uh, it's certainly been a minute.
If my brief return a few months ago and then radio silence yet again is any indicator, I'm sure most of y'all probably know where this is going.
HOMECOMING, as of now (and for the indefinite future) is going to be on hiatus, and maybe discontinued.
This project initially started out as a silly idea, a culmination of my love for the yandere vn community and the wonderful games it has created, and my original plot and cast of characters. In the beginning, I was trucking along, working on scripts, planning out routes, spending hours of research on coding and how to get this thing up and running.
Not to mention, the attention my silly lil project garnered was a lot. At least to me. I've had a semi popular writing blog before, and was no stranger to inbox asks, and how they pile up, or the notes that popular posts can get.
I was far too ambitious in all honesty, and once the glitz and glamor of a new project wore off, I hit a massive wall. Hard. It seemed that to actually work on HOCO was much like pulling teeth - whether it was writing, drawing, or even *thinking* about it, I found myself sinking further and further into a imposter syndrome of sorts.
And well, I guess making this announcement is sort of proving it right.
Even so, I've always known when to take a step back, when to settle down -- and now, I'm just making it official. I owe you all at least that much.
The blog will be staying up - I have no plans to delete it in the slightest. I'll just log out of it most likely - I'll still be around on my personal tumblr, where I'll hopefully start being more active there again.
Nothing could have prepared me for just how much care, how much love you guys have shown HOCO - so much so, it's still hard to believe. All the fanart, the fanfic, the memes - they're all saved to my phone, in their own album. Thank you to all who have made amazing creations for my silly characters, as well as the countless asks y'all have sent - maybe one day I'll be able to answer all of them.
I really hope one day I can return to this project with fresh eyes -- I'm hoping real, substantial time away from it will help that process. There are other, personal projects that I've been doing that have helped that creative spark again, as well as indulging in traditional fandom activities, mostly fanart. Unfortunately, I think it's safe to say that my time in the Yan VN community is over for the time being, at least until/if I start working on HOCO again. (Or whenever I play the latest updates of 14DWY - I am the Leon Fan Club President after all ^^).
I've been rambling too long, and I think it's time to close this chapter for now. Thank you all again - and one last Henry for the road. They were there since the beginning of HOCO in 2019, so it feels right for them to be here at the end.
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seven
series masterlist
september 29, 2019
liked by maejones, maxverstappen33, danielricciardo and other
daphnejones the long awaited song with my little sister is yours now. seven featuring maejones is out tonight at midnight. this song is very special to my little sister and i, not just because it's our first song together but because it's about one very special person in our lives. special thanks to charles_leclerc for helping out with the piano on this one.
tagged: maejones, maxverstappen33, charles_leclerc
alexalbon he’s crying in his room. i can hear him.
charles_leclerc it was an honor to be apart of this. thanks for having me and a happy early birthday to maxverstappen33, see you tomorrow for brunch!
user18 they wrote a song for max, i’m soft, i love the jones sisters
↳ maxverstappen33 i too love the jones sisters
lewishamilton this song is wow, i’m speechless
user18 max verstappen being immortalized in a daphne jones song ft mae jones was not on my bingo card this year
↳ user72 i honestly think this friendship is one of the best ones i’ve seen in hollywood today. a lot of them seem fake and pr-like but not this one. this whole friend group seems genuine.
liked by daphnejones, maxverstappen33, daniel ricciardo and others
maejones about 10 months ago i came up with a small sample of a song that i figured would go nowhere until my sister got ahold of it. together, the two of us, with the help of charles_leclerc on piano, we came up with a beautiful song. seven, written with my older sister daphnejones, is out tonight at midnight. max, this one is for you, i know we don’t talk much anymore, but this is my gift to you. for the last time, i love you to the moon and to saturn.
tagged: daphnejones, maxverstappen33, charles_leclerc
maxverstappen33 best birthday present ever. to the moon and to saturn always ❤️
georgerussell beautiful song, i know max will weep like a baby when he hears it, i sure did and the song isn't even about me
↳ user65 have you all heard it but max?
↳ nataliaruiz its his birthday surprise for a reason. we can't be crying in front of him when the song plays
landonorris i'm still not over it. i expect you two to pay my therapy bill.
user89 so this song is sad and will break me in two, great nothing new from daphne but mae? oh, i'll be forwarding my therapy bills to them
↳ landonorris same
↳ alex_albon same
↳ georgerussell63 same
↳ danielricciardo same
↳ freyavettel same
↳ isabellaperez same
rowantodd i hate you two for making me feel emotions, but its a beautiful song nonetheless
charles_leclerc it was an honor to be featured on this song, especially one about my biggest "rival" 😄
↳ pierregasly when will you help write a song about me charles?
↳ charles_leclerc stop being a dick to your ‘not girlfriend’ and maybe i’ll help her write a song for you
liked by maejones, pierregasly, nataliaruiz and others
charles_leclerc it’s my duty to give some behind the scenes on the making of seven. featuring photos of mae, daphne, and i hard at work, the muse himself, and of daniel bringing snacks while also thinking he’s helping. (find a new place to live daniel, stop mooching off daphne & mae)
tagged: maejones, maxverstappen33, daphnejones, danielricciardo
danielricciardo i did help! i came up with some chords
↳ maejones no, you didn’t. you only brought snacks, that picture was taken so everyone could think you helped.
alex_albon did daphne get a new cat?! and i wasn’t introduced to it?!
↳ daphnejones i would never get a new cat without tell you alex.
↳ danielricciardo it’s my cat actually his name is joey.
↳ charles_leclerc and he’s my godson!
user80 daniel living with the jones sisters is hilarious to me but like why?
↳ danielricciardo because i couldn't find an apartment in monaco, daph and mae had a spare room for me to use, i’m never leaving this place, i love it here.
↳ maejones he got a cat too, there is no getting him out now.
maxverstappen33 where the hell did you get that picture?
↳ charles_leclerc mae.
↳ maejones 😁
max verstappen how likely am i to cry on a scale of 1 to 10?
lando norris i’d say a solid 12
lance stroll yeah i’m going to agree with lando here
mae jones can we talk about how daph and i managed to render sir lewis hamilton speechless? that’s my biggest achievement.
isabella perez what about winning a grammy?
mae jones that’ll be a close second
freya vettel wouldn't it be hilarious if charles won a grammy before a wdc?
charles leclerc sometimes i think you hate me but you're not wrong
12:12 am
max verstappen i hope you 3 are proud of yourselves…
charles leclerc did you cry?
max verstappen of course i fucking cried!
daniel ricciardo can you open your door? i kinda forgot my key and we’re all standing outside your apartment in a super awkward formation.
george russell open up super max!
max verstappen well it all started when i was 4
alex albon THE DOOR MAX! HE MEANT THE DOOR!
daniel ricciardo you let him finish albon!
lewis hamilton geez, that young?
¡leclerc-s speaks!
congrats to max on becoming a 3x world champion! seven has always been a song that reminded me of max and i wanted to write a small chapter about this. everyone always says max’s taylor album is reputation but i see him more as folklore. this is one of the few bonus chapters in my series.
¡disclaimer!
this is in no way making assumptions about the people involved in this story, this is all fake. it is a fanfiction please don't take any of what is said seriously. this is all for entertainment purposes and as a creative outlet for me. enjoy!
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just a girl
'cruel'
last - m.list - next
[april - imola - a lot of writing again]
"these crutches are killing me." addi let out a sigh, sitting in the chair and handing her crutches to her brother before massaging the area where they had left her sore. kelly chuckled a little bit at the much younger girl.
"it's great that you're here, i didn't think you'd be here." the wag spoke up, drinking and from her glass as the tv in front of them shows off the drivers doing their warm-up lap. addi shrugged, eyes glued to the tv, "yeah, my doctor wanted to make sure i was perfectly okay, travel doctors seem to take the most time," she chuckled "but i wanted to be here."
"i tried telling her not to come." claire spoke up and sat on the other side of addi. "watching this is gonna send her into a depression."
kelly nodded slowly, thinking, "or it could motivate her to stay rested so she can get checo out of here faster." she smiled brightly.
perez isn't exactly addi's favorite person in the world. originally, she had no issues with the older driver, not until he spoke badly about her when she gained her seat.
to understand the dynamic of their... rivalry, you have to understand the timeline. in 2019, pierre was the second driver for red bull. but after some incidents, it was in the talk that he wouldn't be staying with them after the 2019 season. this was in the talks very early on in the season, even before summer break. in the beginning, red bull was looking at checo, he was experienced, not half bad, he would make a great second driver. they were just about to sign contract with sergio when they started hearing word about addilyn joining ferrari as a reserved driver.
red bull has had their eye on addi for a long time at this point, they were hoping to sign her to alphatauri in 2020, just in time for the rebranding and time for addi to go through a season of f2. but if she signed as a reserve driver for ferrari there's no way she'd leave that for alphatauri. why? well because it was well known that ferrari was her goal, charles, who she had grown up with, would be her teammate after sebastian left or retired. not to mention the leclerc's and leblanc's have held an obvious love for ferrari since... well always.
they had a few attempts at gaining both checo and addi, first they tried the alphatauri deal, a guaranteed seat in formula 1. but she turned that down because she would've rather had ferrari. then they tried a a reserve driver deal for red bull. but she said no to that too. the only way to secure addi was a guaranteed seat with red bull.
and though the decision was hard for both addi and red bull, they both agreed. addi figured it was better than waiting years to drive, and if all goes bad she was promised a reserve driver title with ferrari still.
perez was obviously very unhappy, having that his relationship with racing point was done for after 2019. so red bull gave him a reserved seat. he only agreed because he believed that addi wouldn't last long in formula 1, let alone red bull.
but he always made sure people knew how unhappy and disgusted he was by addi's success. he's said things about how women should stay in the kitchen, how it'd be embarrassing to be beat by a woman, and so much more. and though his statements never made much noise, mainly because perez isn't all that cared about, it still made it's way back to addi to hear.
now here we are today, addilyn is injured, and sergio is in her seat. she's not really a happy camper. but he sure as hell is.
she watches the race, watching hamilton and verstappen battle it out. it's weird watching formula 1 from this point of view again after racing in it for a year. it's actually quite depressing to her. she feels like she's letting people down, letting herself down. and she's is scared that perez will take her seat. experienced, older driver versus a young girl with a sprained ankle at the moment. and she knows it's temporary, but the thought of it, the reality of it displayed in front of her, it made her sick to her stomach.
max came out on top, cheers erupted as he crossed the finish line. her brother helped her walk down so she can cheer and congratulate her teammate after he climbs out of the car. they stand at the barrier as she watches lando cross the line right after hamilton. p3 for norris. and she's suddenly remembering the other day. her heart feels like it's matching the same speed as her red bull.
"and what's stopping us from getting together?" he asked, leaning closer, looking in her eyes. he looks great, amazing actually. it's crazy how he can make something as simple as a hoodie with his own brand on it look so good. she swallows the lump that's stuck in her throat, looking down at her fingers as they pick at each others skin.
"pierre and arthur." she said, just above a whisper. she felt like a pile of shit, how could she do this to them. three boys have stolen her heart in ways she didn't think was possible, and now she's stuck with the aftermath of it. lando nods slowly, not pulling or looking away, but his face changes in a way she could not describe. "i'm sorry."
"you don't have to be sorry." he smiled at her a little, she loves his smile. along with his dimples, or maybe it's only one dimple, his smile drew her in from the moment they met. he's a charming man, a bit cheeky and sarcastic. "i'll wait for you."
she felt her heart flutter at his words. how could someone put themselves through that wait knowing there's two other men doing the same thing?
"until then! i'll be getting your coffee's and fluffing your foot pillow." he smiled and stood up, grabbing her coffee glass and returning to the kitchen to refill the glass with the cold brew.
she still feels like crap for that day, and it's safe to say she feels awkward around lando because of it, but he's assured her many times not worry about it. that it isn't her fault. but she felt like it was. how could she let herself fall so deep.
she smiled and clapped as the three cars pulled up to their spots, red bull parks behind the 1, then mercedes, then mclaren. she suddenly remembers that no one knows she's there, even her own team was shocked to see her as she squeezed past to get to the front beside kelly. max stands on top of the hood, celebrating, then hopping down. he does the usual run to the team, jumping into their arms as he walks over to her and kelly, hugging his girlfriend as she kisses his helmet, classic. then he reaches addi,
"you made it! oh my god!" he cheer and hugged her with a smile plastered on his face before he was rushed to move on. the drivers all weighed themselves, lewis smiling and waving at addi, meanwhile she hasn't caught lando's eye. she was asked for interviews after the podium celebration, and she was hesitant at first but she gave in after some time. she was in the middle of an interview when lando came up behind her and hugged her gently, being sure not to hurt her or make her fall.
"oh lando norris! hello!" the interviewer laughs and smiles "congratulations!"
"thank you." he smiles and lets go of the girl, standing next to her, "i didn't know you were here."
"i showed up during the warm-up lap, my doctor tried to stop me but, i wasn't gonna miss it." she laughed as he rolled his eyes and hugs her one more time, "congrats, norris." she smiled
"thank you, i have to go, i'll talk to you later." she nods at him before he walks away and she continues the interview.
charles got p4, but he didn't get word that she was there until after the interviews. or well, in the middle of an interview when he was asked if he had seen her yet. "i didn't know she was here!"
he literally ran to red bull to go see her, lucky him, she was outside with her nolan and claire. he runs up and hugs her, "i thought you weren't coming!"
"i tried stopping her." claire huffed. "the doctor didn't even want her to come,"
"why are you here?" charles glared at the young girl in his arms, she only rolled her eyes. she didn't want to miss a single race, even if she couldn't be the one on the podium, even if she wasn’t sweating like a porous pitcher on an italian summers day inside her helmet, she wanted to be there. over the past year, these people have become her family, even more than before. she didn't want to miss that.
the ride home in her brother's range rover was depressing. she sat in the backseat with her foot raised up on the empty seats next to her and a book in hand. arthur always made fun of her for reading in the car, mainly because he didn't understand how she could. she misses arthur. she hasn't seen or talked to him or pierre still, she's not really sure why anymore. she's talked to charles, lando, seb, now max and kelly. what's the point?
part of her is scared to ever since her conversation with lando, she's scared to find out how she actually feels about them. she's unsure what answer would be best in this situation. what if she likes arthur?. there's the possibility of them breaking up and a possibility that lando and pierre stop talking to her, broken friendships. and if she likes pierre? broken friendships. lando? broken friendships.
loving can be so cruel.
taglist: @love4lando @fairiepoems @leilanixx @ietss @charli123456789 @ayoanna @enhacolor @be-your-coffee-pot @alixnsuperstxr@vellicora@tpwkstiles@lndonrris @willowpains @gaslysainz @blueanfield
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what are the dates for each of the first songs taylor wrote for each album? (aka which date did she write the first song for debut, fearless, etc etc?)
debut:
first song: a perfectly good heart, written sometime in 2003
last song: should’ve said no, written on august 10, 2006
fearless
first song on taylor’s version: you all over me, written summer 2005
first song on the platinum edition: either superstar, written sometime in 2006, or come in with the rain, written in september 2006
first song on the standard edition: white horse, written in december 2006
last song: forever and always, written september 22 2008
EDIT: totally completely forgot about mr perfectly fine, written sometime in 2009 (i’m pretty sure on march 11, 2009, but that’s a whole other rant)
speak now
first song: sparks fly, written fall 2006
the first song written purely for the album will probably be one of the vault tracks, but if this was a movie (~april 2009) is the first one we’ve heard, or maybe haunted/never grow up, which were written sometime in 2009
last song: the story of us, written and recorded between june 9-16 2010
red
first song: stay stay stay, written sometime in summer 2010
first song written purely for the album: all too well, written between december 2010-march 2011
last song (kinda): i knew you were trouble (the chorus was written as a piano ballad ~january 2012, but the verses and bridge and general sound wasn’t put together until june 2-7, 2012)
1989
first song: this love, written october 17 2012
last song: style, written february 19, 2014
reputation
first song: gorgeous, written september 2-19 2016
last song: so it goes, written september 2017 (both lwymmd AND ready for it were already released as singles this woman is INSANE)
lover (this is the one i’m shakiest on)
first song: daylight, written summer 2018
last song: i think death by a thousand cuts, which had to have been written after april 20, 2019 (for context, 6 days before me! was set to release), but i’ve seen some people say london boy, since the sample at the beginning wasn’t approved until very late (sometime in july iirc)
folklore
first song: my tears ricochet, likely written fall 2019 (taylor has said it’s the first song she wrote for folklore, we just don’t know when)
last song: hoax, written sometime in july 2020, days before the album was released
evermore
first song: dorthea, written “around folklore”, likely sometime in july 2020
last song: happiness, written in the first week of december 2020, once again days before the album was released
midnights
i straight up don’t know, but it was mostly written and recorded in november 2021
if you want to listen to the albums in order, check out my playlist!
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