#but what if we're just refusing to accept their fucked up the show and making clued

[thebibliosphere]

Whenever I talk about the medical neglect and ableism I've encountered as a victim of the healthcare system, there's always some cockwaffle who feels entitled to come into my inbox and make the argument of "not all doctors" while talking about how "people like them" (because it's always someone in a field of medicine who does this) are doing their best and it's really hard because so many people fake being ill to get on welfare (Yikes), but like, yeah, obviously #not all doctors, because if all doctors were negligent, bullying scum bags, I'd be dead.

But here's the thing: while I truly believe that the majority of doctors are doing their best in a system stacked against them and their patients, their presence does not negate the mass harm caused by the bad ones. And there are far more bad ones than you realize.

Fuck, John Oliver literally did a segment on this last week:

Yes, the truly bad, malicious doctors are in the minority. Most are just horrifically burned out and fighting a losing battle against a system, killing both them and their patients through a lack of funding and resources and profound overwork.

But the malicious ones do exist, and they will go out of their way to harm patients who don't kowtow to them.

I almost lost my life because when I was in my early twenties, I told a doctor I didn't think she was listening to me, and I disagreed with her assessment of my mental health (she was not a mental health doctor, and I was there for heart palpitations and chronic pain). She retaliated by putting "non-compliant" in my file.

There was also a fun little "doesn't show respect" note too that lives rent-free in my head because I know I wasn't rude. I was polite. I just didn't agree with her, and my refusal to accept her off-handed comment that "you probably have bipolar or BPD" (again, I was there for heart palpitations and chronic pain) meant I was "refusing care."

I wasn't. I just refused to be slapped with a mood/personality disorder when I was there because I kept fucking fainting when I stood up.

(Spoiler alert: it was dysautonomia)

That "non-compliant" marker followed me around for years. It followed me across an ocean and effectively ensured that any doctor I saw was going to treat me like absolute dogshit because no one wants to help Difficult Patients. It wasn't until I was so undeniably ill, literally on the brink of death, that anyone helped me.

I'm alive because of a good doctor. And all the good ones that came after him because of him.

So, I know they exist. You don't have to tell me that.

But I really fucking need you to acknowledge the bad ones and that you're part of a system with a long, long history of abusing minorities and vulnerable people. I need you to acknowledge that because it's the only way we're going to survive this godforsaken nightmare and make things better.

So yeah, #notalldoctors, but if you feel the need to say that because someone talking about being literally left to die by the medical system hurts your feelings, I'm going to have to ask you to take a step back and ask yourself if you're going into medicine for the right reasons.

Namely: do you want to help people, even the "difficult" ones?

Even the ones who might disagree with you?

Even if they're on welfare?

Even if they'll never get "better" in a way that means "cured"?

Just a thought. But hey, what do I know. I'm just someone who experienced hemolytic anemia because doctors kept telling me I was anxious and needed to exercise more 🤷‍♀️.

#chronic health tag #medical abuse #medical neglect #medical #ableism #to all the good health care workers who follow me and leave supportive comments: I appreciate you so much #but you need to come get your fellow drs #and idk #give 'em a shake or something #Youtube

[inkskinned]

im gonna start a fight; and, at the same time, i need you to take this in the most good-faith way possible, but:

videos that involve body-checking and intentionally (and uncritically) show a mealplan of an unhealthy number of calories are just a revamped version of pro-ana food diaries.

and yeah, i know there's arguments. i address some of them under the cut. but at the end of the day, we're just coming back to romanticizing mental illness; we've just found a better platform for it.

this is already something we've done. we knew it was wrong and tried to stop it. and tbh. it just wasn't enough.

there are people who argue "well, what if you have an eating disorder, you can't help it if you don't eat!" except that as someone with an ED; we are not infants. we know what we're doing. part of having an ED is that you are like, maybe too self-aware. even if we can't help our own food choices, we don't need to fucking romanticize the disorder - something we've been warning you about since 2013. there are hours of setup, filming, and editing that go into these videos. they do not happen to fall into place randomly. there is a reason they are pieced together to be beautiful, bright, inspiring.

there's this woman who pretty much only posts daily plans under a normal amount of calories, and everyone defends her saying but it's better than nothing! and i'm like. except she opens those with images of her showing off her body and provides no context in the video or caption that suggests that she believes what she's doing is unhealthy. she has hundreds of thousands of followers on a platform designed for young kids and teens. i refuse to believe that by accident her content just happens to be cheery advice on "healthy" versions of starving.

for any other symptom of mental illness, we would be incredibly enraged by this kind of placid acceptance of a "tips and tricks" fast-start guide. imagine if people posted pink & pretty videos saying "best places to cut yourself" as if it was a fucking storytime. we, as a society, are so fucking fatphobic that we would rather accept blatantly harmful displays of self harm than admit that we are obsessed with a hyper-thin body type.

i am not suggesting someone never talks about their disorder. i talk about mine. actually, it's a plot point in my book.

here's the difference: i recognize it's a fucking mental illness. i am very careful to never mention a specific weight, eating pattern, or calorie plan. i always make sure to position it as something that ruined my fucking life. i do not put cheery music in the background and hearts and sparkles over my worst moments. i do not film it in bright light. i do not start each passage with an image of a thin body followed by "here's how to look like her."

eating disorders should not be framed as aspirational. and the problem is that society worships the "after" image, so long as you don't get too sick. there is a reason so many people who quit being "influencers" will later admit - i wasn't eating well that whole time; an obsession with food was completely destroying my life.

we let any uncredited, uncertified person write the most backwards, fucked up shit about how to get the body you desire! because the underlying, secret belief is: well, at least they're thin! and the real thing that fucking gets me each time - they make fucking money off of it. their irresponsibility and societal harm literally pays off for them.

"why do you care so much." "don't like it don't look." "so what if people experiment with new ways of thinking of food?"

thank you for asking. we're about to get extremely personal. it's because when i was 18 i discovered "thinspiration"/"thinspo." and it absolutely influenced, shaped, and codified my pre-existing eating disorder. i went from having some troubling habits and traits to being incredibly unwell within what felt like a matter of days. there were actual pages designed to train me on how to have an ED correctly. it was all so suddenly easy. i was sick; and the nature of the illness meant - i wanted to be sicker.

it takes an average of 7 years for a person to fully recover. i know this personally - even now, 10 years from the worst of it, i still fucking struggle. i am so much happier now and i eat what i want and i literally don't think about food at all (19 year old me would shudder) and yet - i still fucking know the calories of plain toast with butter.

an eating disorder is one of the deadliest types of mental illness. over 1 in 4 people with an ED will attempt suicide.

and i'm sorry. i just do not see the exchange rate of "high rate of engagement" versus "the value of a human life."

#and there's something else in there about like .... #tbh once i got over something like 1k followers #i stopped being specific about my ED for a REASON. #yes on ur personal locked blog that u use like a diary go ahead etc #but we are OBVIOUSLY not talking about that. we're talking about the sheer NUMBER of people i could be talking about #in that one paragraph. that you and i probably were thinking about 2 different influencers #bc they get to say that they're just posting FITNESS and if it's FITNESS it's OKAY and im like #jesus christ lord almighty #every person in recovery from an ED: this is incredibly dangerous holy shit do you know how much this would have triggered me #each of these ppl: how dare you!!!!!!!!! i am only harming those who WANT to engage with my content!!!!! #their followers: leave them alone !!! they can't help that they make an hours-long choice to frame their disorder as if it was #fucking cottagecore !!!! #like girlie this person needs THERAPY #again! i didn't even have that large of a following before i IMMEDIATELY deleted any specific mention of calories food etc #bc i recognize responsibility and i didnt EVER want to even ACCIDENTALLY encourage this #and im not even GETTING PAID FOR THIS!!! #aND THEY ARE!!! #something something something they know this content makes them money #they don't give a SHIT about u babe

[atxxzist]

sweetest lies | c.s (03)

prev // series m.list

pairing: choi san x f!reader

word count: 7.7k

warning: none but lmk

you didn't want to go home because you knew that you'd have to face your sister.

look her in the eyes and see those very lips that yunho kissed and those hands that he probably held on more than one occasions, the wound still too fresh that it all still hurts.

but you didn't think you'd run smack into her before you could even pass the entrance, stopping in your steps immediately with surprised eyes similar to hers, the both of you swallowing down the same time as the air turn an awkward one.

you're about to just walk past her, the day from work leaving you tired and not in the mood for another long conversation about the topic, when your sister musters up the courage to let out a soft, "can we please talk?"

the tone aggravating you more than anything; how she can still sound so sweet and worried after what she's put you through.

you huff and merely roll your eyes, absolutely refusing to look at her although you know it's silly and petty--you being the older one but holding a grudge like no other, so much more less mature than her.

"i don't know what else is there to talk about," you respond, trying your very best to sound annoyed.

but she continues to make you feel worse with an even sweeter tone, "i'm sorry. i really am." and you can already picture the pearls in her eyes and pout on her lips despite still facing the other way.

"i know you like yunho. i do. but..." he's too handsome and charming; too sweet and kind that she also can't help but fall for him. she would never intend to steal him from you if he didn't return the sentiment.

"but he likes you too," you finish for her, something shifting in you that makes you finally look her in the eyes. "i get it. what am i gonna do? you're two grown consenting adults so i'll get over it."

you didn't even think such words could ever come out your mouth, but for the first time sounding surprisingly selfless because maybe talking to san did helped out a little.

there's a silence after that you're sure has marked the end of the topic, striving a step forward when her voice stops you again.

"we're planning on telling mom and dad and yunho's parents over dinner..." she says, delivery timid like she's just the slightest scared of your reaction.

you gulp down the knot, mumbling a dry, "good luck with that." and sliding past her.

you start seeing how truly mundane your life is once the person it used to revolve around is no longer there.

how, it’s a continuous cycle of work and coming home to a big empty house most days and watching reruns of shows until you’re bored out of your mind.

which is how you wind up at a co-worker’s house party, the young woman from the office next to you going by the name of dahyun kindly asking after a conversation with your boss about the paperworks regarding the transfer.

she joined the firm a few months after you but you’ve always known her to be outgoing and a people’s person, recalling the girl’s familiarity with everyone from the floor her second week of work.

it wasn’t like you had anything better to do, so you accepted the invitation and saved the following day for a night of fun, or at least you hoped so.

dahyun had said it’s just gonna be a regular house party; none of that crazy frat bullshit with the chance of someone under 20 attending, so it’s just gonna be chill and relaxing.

fives minutes into your arrival and it’s not too bad but you already find yourself hiding in a corner despite recognizing a few faces from the same working floor.

“if you’re gonna be here, you should at least try and have some fun.”

the familiar sounding voice from behind makes you quirk a brow, barely looking over your shoulder to see, probably the least expected person standing with amusement in his expression.

“seonghwa?” you say in disbelief, your body naturally following your curiosity to stand before him. “the fuck you doing here?”

“attending the party, isn’t that obvious?” he quips, continuing to close the gap before stopping with just enough space.

you scoff and roll your eyes, the sight bringing a smirk onto seonghwa’s lips.

“shut up. you know what i mean.”

“dahyun’s a friend,” he says casually, the answer making you squint.

“seriously? hongjoong and now you?” the complaint rolling off like it’s seonghwa’s fault. you can only cross your arms and sulk.

you can’t even recall the last time you actually saw seonghwa. it must’ve been your graduation or one last coincidental meeting… you don’t remember. it’s been that long.

“yeah, cause you have better things to do?” he pokes fun at the very obvious fact you came alone. “where’s that jeong boy? you know, the one that always got you on a leash.”

between hongjoong and seonghwa, seonghwa’s always been the more calm and level-headed of the two; being the voice of reason when you and hongjoong would lose it.

but on the occasion when he’d just let it go and be snarky, seonghwa could really pull a nerve.

“is that all people associate me with?” you have the audacity to click your tongue in annoyance and scoff like you didn’t do it to yourself.

seonghwa snickers.

“oh i’m sorry. it was just my most recent memory of you,” he says cheekily. voice calm but you know there’s hidden animosity underneath.

he never explicitly said whose side he took, but it was obvious from how he treated you the same as hongjoong did. it only made sense because they’ve known each other before you even came along.

you never fault him, knowing it mostly had to do with your own fuck-ups.

“hmm,” you hum, tone setting into the same sarcastic and dry one he has. “well, it’s nice catching up and all but i don't feel like reminiscing the past, so if you’ll excuse me.”

because you can admit your wrongdoings and also be both embarrassed about it, attempting to brush past him when his speaking voice stops you in track.

“hey, i was just trying to find something to talk about after all these years,” he says, half chuckling and staring at you from the opposite side now that you’ve managed to make it past him.

you snicker lowly.

“what?” you quirk a corner of your lips, continuing with amusement in your voice, “then you’re gonna say sorry? or expect me to?”

he shrugs.

"that's your choice."

but his body language now shifting, that playful look no longer in his eyes or tone, it's almost scary how fast it happened.

the next few seconds is a silent stare off, the only sound is the party music in the background and the slight beating of your heart at the ominous delivery.

"i'm not asking for an apology or whatever. frankly, it wasn't even my problem, but i'm just saying... your life would be a lot easier if you know how to say sorry for once."

seonghwa thinks you have too much pride; the same thing you believe to be keeping you intact is gonna be your ultimate downfall because even when you're clearly wrong or you know you're wrong, you never say it.

you're one to keep it bubbled inside and carry the guilt just because you think you should be unbreakable at all times. it's such an unrealistic standard you've set for yourself.

you raise a brow at that, tilting your head in confusion.

"i know how to say sorry," you tell him sternly, attempting to convince him as much as you are to yourself.

“i’m uhm… i’m sorry,” you utter lowly, sounding and appearing ashamed by the way your fingers fiddle with each other at your front, san almost can’t believe it.

“pardon?”

“i’m sorry, about this morning.”

it's beyond comprehension how san must've been the first person you've genuinely apologized to after going so many years of the word kept to yourself.

it must've been the absolute humiliation and loneliness that day that really got to you, breaking you down until you were so vulnerable with nothing but the choice to fold in front of the one person you felt you could still confide in.

san being that person is also beyond what you can explain.

but seonghwa only merely puffs and crosses his arms.

"i just think it would be great if we could be friends again one day," he says, the ominous dropping and voice turning soft and reminiscing again that it makes your eyes go wide before you see a smile turn up on his lips.

"if you ever want to reach out to me or hongjoong again, you know how to find us."

he leaves his last words of the night opened and vague, disappearing off with one last smile before he's out of your sight, leaving you with much to think about--just exactly as he intended.

there's only so much excuses to make or places to be after work just because you don't want to be there for dinner, knowing it's the day both yunho and your sister are gonna tell your parents and his the good news.

know that they're all gonna react with surprise and be so happy for them, erupting in cheers and congratulatory words that the two children they've been rooting for the longest time has finally gotten together.

there really isn't a lot, that you just sucked it up and stayed the few extra hours overtime to make up for all the instances you've slacked off, even starting on work saved for the following day, hoping it's long enough to just miss the dinner.

and just enough it is, you return right as the table's just about to be cleared, the chitters and chatters around loud enough to drown the opening and shutting of the front door with yunho the only one catching your presence standing in the hall.

"they were really happy, yeah..." he says awkwardly, standing before you in the cold chilly air of the backyard.

you really didn't want to talk about it anymore, the subject like beating a dead horse at this point. but yunho had approached you so cautiously and calmly, something genuine in his action that you couldn't say no when he asked to talk for one last time.

"hmm," you merely hum, really not made for comforting or encouraging. most of the anger already dissipated although the hurt's still there, you can't bring yourself to not feel even the slightest happy for him, even if the smallest percentage because you saw the biggest smile ever on him back at dinner.

you contemplate on what to say because yes, you're still hurt and feeling betrayed, but it's not like you can hold it over his head forever. he isn't some stranger you can easily avoid.

he's yunho and you're just gonna have to get over it; not just for his sake but also for yours just so you can feel a little more at peace and move on.

"i'm sorry," he suddenly let out, your head snapping from the ground and to his guilt-ridden eyes.

because though he still stands by what he said, not a single word a lie, the few days apart also allowed him to think outside of the box--especially from your perspective.

how selfish he really was from the start, playing along when he was being dishonest the entire time, and how much pain he could've saved everyone if he hadn't been such a coward.

if he hadn't wanted the best of both worlds and knew he would lose you in some way if you found out how he actually feels.

you have to blink a few times, feeling like a lost puppy under yunho's apologetic gaze because you honestly believe that in comparison, you have so much more to be sorry for.

and as if he could read your mind; your expression speaking for itself because you have a certain look of bafflement or aloofness whenever you feel guilty.

you won't ever say outright that you're wrong, but your body language always gave it out.

it was one of the very first traits he picked up from being around you, having seen it for himself at the starting age of twelve when you pushed a much younger san to his injury and cried--not because you got yelled at by your parents but because you felt bad.

and how distracted you were at the movies the entire time after your fight with hongjoong because you confessed to yunho a few days later that you were being a shitty friend.

you have such a way of dealing with your emotions, he wishes for there to be an outlet for you to deal with them in a healthy and accepting manner.

one that doesn't depend on him or anything else for all the wrong reasons.

"i'm sorry," he says again, eyes now softer but still sincere. "i know i already said this last time but i really got carried away and couldn't finish. but i truly am sorry. i should've told you sooner. i should've never given you any sort of false hope, and i should've just been honest from the start."

he's sure he's out of breath when he finishes, just waiting for you to now say something in return because despite all the ups and downs and shortcomings, you're the one who's been with him through most of his lowest points and he's so grateful for that.

he wouldn't want to lose you over this.

you stay quiet for a few seconds more, a mental battle in your head just so you'll be able to form something coherent when you do speak.

"we both just weren't right for each other," you say, pausing briefly, "in that way... at least."

because yunho hid things from you and you were so in your head you were convinced he was in love with you at one point, always looking at everything through a rose-coloured glass but now able to see for yourself once it cracked, just how destined it was to fail from the start.

"sorry," he mumbles, low and head still hanging in shame, you can't help the dry chuckle that falls from your lips.

"you don't have to keep telling me you're sorry. like what i told minjeong: i'll get over it."

he picks his head up from the more cheery tone, the smallest smile forming on your lips that takes him by surprise because of the illusion it gives off; that you were able to come to terms with it so fast, but he knows you and knows it's all just a facade.

nonetheless, he nods, gulping silently to pass a comment.

"i hope you're taking care of yourself."

you smile, turning your back on him and crossing your arms to stare up into the stars in the nightsky who's currently the witness to the end of your 'relationship' with the boy you've loved your whole life.

"i've considered transferring work. it's not set in stone yet, but i did talked to my boss and he said he'd help me look for an opening if i'm interested."

you think it will be good if you can seek your own independence for once, unable to think of a better time than this one.

and though you can't see yunho, you can tell he's intrigued by how his question squeaks slightly when asking.

"where would you be transferring?"

"japan," you answer, once again facing him. "it's different, but close enough where i don't have to feel like i'm halfway across the world. my boss said i have about two months-ish to make up my mind."

plus, japanese is the only other language you're fluent in. the country a similar but new enough experience and the true testimony to how you'll be, away from the grasp of your parents.

"i see," yunho replies, nodding in understanding; so much to say but at the same time unable to say anything. he wouldn't ever want to hear someone he's close to plans on moving away, but he's almost proud of you for taking that next step.

"feel free to call me up any time if you need help," he adds, a soft smile gracing his features that makes the moment so bittersweet. you wish you have the guts to hate yunho, but you really can't after all he's done for you.

you nod lightly, at the same time allowing yourself to enjoy the breeze and calm silence before letting all your guards down.

"yunho..." you call his name almost timidly, the boy responding that immediate second.

"i'm not asking for an apology or whatever. frankly, it wasn't even my problem, but i'm just saying… your life would be a lot easier if you know how to say sorry for once."

"i'm sorry," you finally tell him, to wide and surprised eyes--unsurprisingly.

"i'm sorry for putting so much pressure and baggage on you. i also should've asked about your feelings from the very beginning. i shouldn't have just... assumed."

yunho knows it's the sincerest form of apology without the need to say a lot. from the nervous timbre to the guilt in your eyes, and even the way you start fiddling with your fingers.

he only snickers, much to your initial mixed reaction until you start warming up to it as well, the low but very real giggle leaving you putting a smile on yunho's face.

"apology accepted," he says.

you allow another giggle before cutting it short and looking at him through your blinking lashes.

"if you guys have went to this extent, then i hope you'll treat her right, jeong yunho."

you leave the night at that, a sting in your chest but you know that soon enough, you'll be relieved of it and you won't even think about him anymore.

it's after sitting down for a few minutes that you get a text from san, the funny coincidence that you were just talking about the transfer with your boss as well.

san: yunho told me

san: it's true you're gonna be leaving for japan?

you honestly can't recall how san even got your number. it must've been something you did drunkenly or he must've asked for it from yunho. but for sure, you did not give it to him willingly.

y/n: he really be snitching, huh

san: so it's true ☹️

you roll your eyes and try preventing even the smallest smirk. you haven't seen the man ever since that day and now is when he decides to reach out again.

y/n: maybe 🤷

san: 😔

san: just when we were starting to get along too

y/n: lol. you'll be fine.

shaking your head, you put your phone down to return to work, thinking to yourself there's no way san's actually serious because you're sure even if you did move halfway across the world, he would barely notice you're gone.

ten minutes of silence from your phone and you're also sure he's given up on the act--when your notification buzzes again.

san: ☹️ thought you weren't gonna run away

y/n: i'm not

y/n: i just want to do something different

san: if you say so

san: you free this evening?

y/n: i get off work in about 3 hours

san: wanna do something? 🙂

y/n: well aren't you a changed man 🙃

san: i thought it was nice the other day and i just figured you might need a distraction

you have to admit the fact you were taken aback a little; in a surprisingly good and touching way that san would care about you so much as to consider the after effect of what have happened.

y/n: if you're up for it 🤷 not like i have anything better after work

san: awesome! i'll see you then 😉

--

it's not everyday that you go waltzing into a guy's place; if at all, actually, because you've ever only graced the presence of the house next door because unlike san, yunho never had the urge to get his own place or be away from the watchful eyes of his parents.

it only takes two knocks in total for the door to come apart with san standing before it, a smile on his face and every body language welcoming.

"that was fast," you comment, walking past him to get inside.

"i was waiting," he says, calm and relaxed. "you took a lot longer than you said you would."

you shrug and plop yourself down on the couch, head snapping his way to reply.

"i had to get out of my work outfit."

he acknowledges it with a nod before seating himself next to you, his phone sitting on the coffee table in front of you gone unnoticed until you see him pick it up.

"what to order?" he scrolls through the delivery app, the same time you quirk a brow.

"stew sounds really good right now," you say.

"soft tofu stew?"

"that's fine. but make it spicy."

you weren't sure what you guys were gonna be doing once you came over, but he had just said to hang out and you thought any form of entertainment was better than none.

"any drinks?" he asks, after placing the order and getting up to walk over to the fridge.

"got any sodas?"

"i got some coke."

"that'll do."

he returns with two bottles, setting it on the table with a smirk stickered on his face, you have to reframe from rolling your eyes.

"what? no alcohol tonight?" he teases, his back falling onto the couch with hands behind his head.

"not in the mood," you reply, straight and simple.

"fair enough," he mumbles.

you let your eyes wander for a few more seconds before asking, "so, what's the plan?"

he gets up to sit straight and look you in the eyes.

"i was thinking a movie, video games, or we can just talk over food."

you hum with straighten lips, nodding and making yourself at home when it's your turn to fall back on the couch.

"anything's fine," you tell him, patting at the material under you and adding, "great couch by the way."

"yeah. it cost a fortune."

"good thing that wasn't a problem," you jab lightheartedly, because you always have wondered what the hell san does all day, besides the very obvious fact that he lives off the wealth of his parents and doesn't have to worry about anything when it comes to money... at least.

"i know what you're thinking," he says, not reactive of any kind.

"no but seriously, what do you do all day?" you ask, genuinely curious and interested this time.

he just quirks his lips, responding in the most lax tone, "enjoying life and doing what anyone in their 20s would?"

you scoff and shake your head.

you really do wish to be as untroubled and carefree as san is. the way he deals with and confronts everything as if there isn't a single thing to lose.

“it definitely bothered me at first, but i didn’t see why i should be losing sleep over it. me and yunho are two very different people after all who does our own things. i’m proud of what he’s achieved so far, and he’s always had my back when needed.”

you almost can't help but to have the tiniest respect for him in that regard.

"good to know." you giggle. "but what's the plan after?"

"working on it. but not really in the hurry to rush it or anything."

you nod courtly at that, another sinking thought about how similar, yet different the two of you really are.

growing up, you've never really paid much attention to san, always writing him off as annoying and obnoxious, but when left with no choice but to face him on a deeper level, you can't help but to notice the stark differences despite relating to him more than yunho.

"and you... are you really moving? like forreal?" he says, tone a soft worried that you almost want to believe he would be sad about you leaving... being this adamant and all.

"yeah," you answer, the disappointment befalling his expression completely flying over your radar. "forreal."

"but why?" he pushes.

you shrug, everything about you relaxed--as opposed to the boy standing across as he tries to digest the very big possibility of you going away, and most likely for a long time.

"i told you i wanted to travel."

"that's moving to a whole different country," he states the obvious, much to a laughter from you as the uneasiness on him only becomes more transparent.

you laugh some more, going on to say, "don't tell me you're actually gonna be sad?" your lips forming a frown after to tease him, and for the very first time, you think san might've blushed a little.

he opens his mouth as you watch curiously, but the moment shortly disrupted by the sound of san's phone going off.

"delivery will be here in 10 minutes," he tells you still holding the device in his hand before he tosses it aside.

"i also just want to try being on my own for a while," you bring the topic back into discussion when it seems like he isn't gonna answer the question.

you add, "if i do get moved, it will be on my own accord and everything will be from my own pockets... not my parents or anyone else. boss said i have about two months and i most likely will have to train the replacement but i think it's all gonna be worth it."

you're unable to read into san's reaction, silence filling the air until he finally speaks again.

"if you want to learn to be on your own, why don't you just get a place first? you know, instead of moving across the country. as someone in the current position, it's pretty nice if i say so myself."

your lips draw into a thin line, not because he's wrong but because you've never actually thought of that. you pretty much did just jumped ship into the next big step.

"i've uh... i didn't think of that," you mumble, the words cracking a smile on san's face before a snicker rolls out.

"jesus, y/n. a bit dramatic aren't you?"

"shut up," you hiss.

as the night goes on, any doubts and worries are long forgotten when the chatters with san would go on even after the food's arrival, both chewing and talking at the same time like you're never gonna run out of topics.

the eating soon turns into a search for something to watch while the two of you squabble about anything and everything, forgetting what the hell you're even fighting him about and being surprised you could even get this worked up without the help of alcohol.

and after you're both finally worn out from the long night; the foods on the coffee table now empty and dry and the tv running for far too long, you help clean the place up when it seems he's fallen asleep and quietly make your way out of the condo shortly after.

tuesday 4:32 p.m.

san: how about this one? looks really nice and is kind of close to my place 🙂

san: *attachment*

y/n: that looks way too fancy and expensive

y/n: i just want something that's enough for one person

it's impressive; the fact san even entertained the idea of leaving everything you've already got in mind to settle for something else, but even more so that you're even considering it.

getting a place of your own and learning to live on yourself would be a lot more doable than moving across the sea and away from everyone and everything you've grown up with.

you suppose it's not a bad idea. you're just not sure if it's the right one.

san: you're not gonna find anything if you're gonna be this picky 🙄

y/n: i'm just looking

y/n: if i'm really gonna stay, i'd do the search myself

san: 😢

you don't even realize how san starts weaving into your daily life and just integrating himself into it; whether through small, mindless texts, or bigger ones like actually inviting you out or over to his place (more frequently, at least).

wednesday 1:20 p.m.

san: what time do you finish work today

y/n: i always finish at 6

san: wanna come over? i got a game we can play 🙂

y/n: it better not that stupid truth or dare

san: ☹️

san: it's not

san: it's truth or dare spin the bottle

y/n: 🥱

san won't admit how fast he came at the sound of the first knock, and you also won't admit that despite him looking very much the same, there's something different about him lately.

something you can't pinpoint but it's almost as if he's gotten more attractive somehow even though you've never really cared about any of that.

"did you wear that to work?" he comments on your outfit as you make way past him and settling inside.

"yes," you answer dryly, tone soon overturning. "what? you think i was gonna get pretty?" you smirk.

he shrugs, mumbling a "maybe" that you quietly let pass to take off your shoes.

"wanna see a few places i've looked up?" he beams, going over to the laptop that was on the kitchen counter and running over to you on the couch with it.

"why not," you mumble, scooting closer, shoulder bumping into his nonchalantly.

you watch him scroll through the abundance of luxurious condos alike his, opting to raise your brow and turn to him.

"why are they all high-profile and in gangnam?" you question.

"pfft," he scoffs, facing you head on, standing the closest he's ever been to you in a long while and remarking, "it's not like you can't afford it. come on, y/n."

"i can't." you move away from him. "if i even get a place, it's gonna be with my own savings, not my parents. i definitely can't afford a place like these. can we please look at something a little less flashy?"

he shakes his head and eventually changes the area, but an hour into the search and you're still not satisfied. the prices are either not doable or the layouts and amenities aren't to your heart's content.

"let's continue this another day," you sigh out, throwing your head back and groaning as san chuckles.

"fine," he gives in, shutting the laptop and moving it out of sight. "you're so picky."

"well you got to be. i'm sure you didn't pick this place out in a day," you say at the same time you look around.

on your own, there's no way you'd ever be able to get anything like this.

"and you don't think it's nice?"

"are you kidding?" you say in disbelief. "it's amazing. if i had the money, it might as well be my dream place. but it's okay. i can also settle for much less as long as it accommodates all my needs."

san can't help but laugh, because he thinks you're both the snazziest person he's ever met, but also the most tame, it's a bit uncharacteristic of someone who grew up wealthy all her life.

"fair enough," he says, standing up abruptly to go grab at an empty beer bottle also on the counter which you're sure he most likely prepared for, given his next set of words.

"how about spin the bottle but no dares. we can only ask questions and the person has to answer truthfully." he places it on the coffee table.

you snap to him at that with something uneasy in your eyes, prompting a comment from him.

"you scared?" he tease.

"what? no," you blow.

"then what are we waiting for?" san doesn't hesitate with one of his hands already on the bottle but you have to stop him in the process to ask one more question.

"what kind of questions though?"

it takes him maybe a second for a light smirk to crawl out of him and with a shrug, telling you, "any."

you eye the bottle on the table anxiously as it circles and clinks; not afraid of the idea of the game but more so that you're playing with san and he's gonna ask the wildest shit.

fortunately, san shoots himself in the foot.

"oh fuck, it's me."

it's your turn to smirk, letting out an almost sarcastic, "yeah."

"knock yourself out. i'm an open book."

you roll your eyes because you know he is, which is why trying to come up with something that will even faze him is gonna be a challenge.

"most embarrassing thing you have done at a party?"

he scoffs it off in amusement, like he can't believe you're even asking that.

"i thought you could do worse, y/n. but sure."

he hesitates and hums for a few seconds more before answering, "got high as fuck and almost kissed wooyoung."

a dry snicker actually escapes from your lips at the confession.

"yeah i always suspected you guys had a thing for each other."

"please don't," he says in pure disgust. "i love wooyoung forreal but no amount of high can get me to kiss the man."

you laugh, now actually the one to initiate the spin because you think it can turn out fun. you think.

and thankfully, it's not you that have to answer a question, again.

"wow," san only silently curses the double misfortunate.

"how many people have you slept with?" you blurt, bold and straightforward, san even slightly taken aback.

"don't ask questions that will break your heart."

"tsk." you roll your eyes. "you could sleep with the entire population of earth and i wouldn't give a shit."

"not even the tiniest bit?" he plays on in that voice you hate because it's always when he's trying to flirt with you.

"i'd give the tiniest shit about everyone else because poor them."

"sharp," he retracts, the amusement all over his face. "but to answer your question, maybe eight? ten? to be honest, i've lost count."

"good to know," you reply nonchalantly, nodding for him to spin the bottle this time, but you know it's only so long before your luck eventually runs out, and so it does.

"ha," he says in victory, the top of the bottle pointing at you.

"i'll go easy, don't worry just yet," he teases annoyingly, you almost want to knock your foot into his.

"what did you think of me when we first met?"

you quirk your lips and pretend to think although you already know the answer.

"well, i thought you were gonna be sweet, but that was until i got to actually know you. then you were just annoying and a pervert."

he bursts out in genuine laughter and yeah, you think he's cute and endearing like this but 95% of the time, he's getting on your nerves.

the game continues on with a back and forth of innocent enough questions; just laughing and scoffing off the ridiculousness, and you're starting to think he might spare you, until the next one turns your eyes a dark one.

"what is it about yunho that made you like him so much?"

and again, you've already stated so many times why you like him. his kindness. his attitude. the way he presents himself. the way he treats you. but if you have to pick one.

"it just seems as if he accepted me for who i am. i don't know."

the way the atmosphere shifts is scary; both of the smiles on your lips wiped and replaced by unreadable expressions as san quiets without a reply, you have to be the one to speak again.

"and you... w-why are you helping me?" you ask him.

"huh?" he repeats just so there's no mistake.

"we don't even like each other and i pretty much treat you like shit but you still seem rather concerned about my wellbeing for whatever reason."

it has gotten so silent by now, you can hear san swallowing.

"you're the one who always says you don't like me. i never said i don't like you."

it's your turn to swallow, staring back at him with nervous eyes because you're not sure how to take the statement just now or what exactly he really means.

"i just thought the feeling was mutual," you mumble, shrugging lightly.

"no. i think you just didn't care enough to ask me," he says with a dry chuckle because he's right and even you know it. your mind at the time too occupied with his brother instead.

"so like, you really don't want me to leave?" you take the opportunity to tease him, a tone on you almost unrecognizable that you think even made san a bit nervous and shy.

"you could say that," he talks lowly, on the verge of stuttering. "i've known you almost my whole life."

"and if i did?" you ask, voice turning a more serious one as the words make an etch in san's heart. it hurts to even think of the possibility.

"then i would be really upset."

you watch his eyes and lips go soft, something so genuine and sincere in his response that makes you just freeze up before breaking the tension with a forced snicker.

"you still have some time to change my mind," you encourage, because you wish for there to be bigger reasons to stay so you won't regret the could of, even if san has to be that reason.

some might call it healing, some might call it a rebound if that even applies at all, but san successfully weaves himself into your life like a routine that you're no longer fazed by a morning text or even a goodnight one.

the way he'd just check up on you during work or call during the weekends to ask how you're doing and if you're up for something together.

it's a bit pathetic he's pretty much your only friend (and even that's a reach) at this point, but you genuinely enjoy his company.

he listens well, is fun to be around, and is almost like a life-long friend who's been missing your whole life.

but while those are the ups of being with san, there's also the downs--such as the long list of girls that'd constantly ring his phone or send him a text while the two of you are together, and while that isn't any of your business, that doesn't stop the few doubts that manages to plague your mind.

are you interrupting anything? does it make you a bitch for hanging with him when he has other girls lined up? does all of this even mean anything when you could very much just be one of them?

that maybe even if there's a possibility, you could never fully give and commit yourself to someone like san because it doesn't seem like he's ready to settle for anyone.

he haven't ever had a relationship that lasted more than a few months and you haven't ever known him to have less than two option on the table.

which might be why you were so much more attracted to yunho, because in comparison, yunho seemed like he would give away his heart and soul for just you.

but you know that, though. you knew that's how san is. you shouldn't have expected anything else, but you still can't help but to feel a strange, unfamiliar sense of loathing when he's distracted by another girl.

"i talked to the landlord a few days ago and she said if i wanted to see the apartment for myself, she would be more than happy to show me," you tell san over a late night eat out; the restaurant about to close in an hour but you're sure he's not listening because his head snaps to the text he got just now.

he still attempts to sound like it's the current topic holding his attention, which you have to give him credits for.

"that's good," he shortly says, fingers fast to type something on his phone before pushing it away. "so how many more days left again?"

"about two weeks, give or take," you respond, poking at your fries with the fork.

two weeks before you'll have to make the ultimate choice to leave or stay.

it's been that long, time just flying before your very eyes to the point where yunho's presence lingering around the house for the sole purpose of your sister almost no longer does an effect to you.

"wow. already?"

"yeah."

san offers to pay for the meal and drive you home instead of the usual catching a movie at his place before the actual end of the night and it's not like you're gonna fight him on it.

he's not your boyfriend and he definitely doesn't have any obligations to follow through any routines or whatever, so why are you all of a sudden feeling so tense about it?

tense and bitter about the fact that after he drives you home, there's a likely chance there's gonna be another girl at his place.

you think you're losing it.

you had let yourself indulge more and more into the possibility of staying, which was how you found the place that you could practically call ideal.

though it's only one bedroom, the modern but warm-toned style of the complex as a whole, as well as the location and pretty much everything else is convenient and accommodates all your needs.

when you had finally set a time and meeting with the landlord, you fell in love even harder in person because the second she opened the door to the place, it was like you knew this is it.

you think it can work out. you think you can see a future in this place; in this city still. and you have been much brighter and happier lately, even telling your boss the following day that there's a big chance you're gonna change your mind about the move given time is creeping up.

you had sent a text to san so excited because you want to tell him in person, every day the chance of you actually staying increasing by the second and he had told you he'd be available tomorrow night.

despite the conflicts swirling in your stomach a week ago, san had made up for it by being attentive as usual and making you feel like he really cares about you that the occasional rings and texts not from you were starting to become bearable.

after all, what does he owe you?

you're content with just having someone to talk and share your day with. you think you can live with that.

but you didn't expect nor think that all it'd take for the doubts to settle in again is to actually face the reality of your situation, making your way to san's place as promised and seeing a familiar face on the way in.

long hair and with a frame you've definitely seen before, it's hard to ignore the sensation she manages to conjure by just merely passing you.

“why don’t you ask the one person that would actually know where he is? or are you too good for that, too?”

you squint, confused, until he nods his head another direction and you follow, landing right into the view of the kitchen and to someone you know all too well just from the back.

his hands on some poor girl’s waist and lips running along with hers as her grip tightened at his disheveled hair, his body pressing her forward onto the counter, the both of them making out like there won’t be a tomorrow.

“no thanks,” you dismiss, managing to reframe from an eyeroll, pushing past hongjoong but not before you catch the smirk on him.

it wasn't the first time you saw her with san, because if it was, your body wouldn't have recognized her so easily as if she's a threat, replacing all the excitement and hope with nothing but old and plain insecurities.

then it's as if everything was a mistake.

choosing to stay because of san and with nothing but the hope that it will all work out... instead of going away on your own for some time and learning to really be independent.

your whole life, you've already been nothing but emotionally dependent on someone else, looking to them as a source of support, and you've realized that this time, it isn't any different.

you've just moved from yunho to san... and you didn't even like san for the longest time.

so how long before it will hit you that staying was a mistake; and especially that choosing to stay because of san was gonna be the biggest one of them all.

you have the tendency to catch feelings way too fast, and even if not romantic which you won't admit in this case (even if it might be), you react strongly to it and the feeling is consuming.

because how long before san will leave you the way yunho did?

everything may seem good for now but they will all meet the same ending. and to think of everything in perspective this way, you know you're not meant to stay.

your parents, yunho and your sister, san...

you don't feel ready for any of them currently, your life stuck at a point where you're not moving. and so you just turn back around and head home.

you think long and hard just to be sure this is what you want; then you think of how to tell your boss tomorrow, and about an hour later, you finally get a text from san.

san: you still coming? you said you have something to tell me

y/n: something came up sorry

y/n: i was just gonna tell you that i've made up my mind and i think i'm gonna go to japan

a/n: i am truly sorry for having been gone a while only to come back with crumbs, but i hope y'all enjoyed this mess & will anticipate it finally coming to an end the following chapter <3 lmk if i missed anyone on the taglist cuz i have not touched it in 4ever fr

taglist: @freeandrealme @shingene @cookiechristie @softie00 @crimson-mia @hexheathen @lixpixstix @atinytease @turtash @moonseonghwa @kkayfan @curryramyeon @justineasian @sannie-pudding @itsokaytobedumb00 @nerdy-kimchi @fannyxmh @acciocriativity @mel-the-mad-hatter @eastleighsblog @diorwoo @devilsmatches @kyume02 @distvrbia @wonwowzers @endeav0rsb1tch @sannwa @brown88 @sangiluvem @eburneon @hotteokhatyu @yeosangsbiceps @sankatchu @lynnsqueendom @harusoraa @ad0rechuu @interweab @revehosh @byunniebaekhyunnie @nabi-sannie @gugggu6gvai @rockstarsanie @shakalakaboomboo @yeosangsbbg @yawnzshit @avantalem @lelaleleb @mountiiny @arinyyy @svintsandghosts @yoongiworshiper @raineadlr @tunaasan @chickenscoups @nevieatiny

#y'all don't even know #the demons i fought #just to get 7k out of my ass #y/n got serious issues #but i hope y'all will still enjoy the drama #ateez angst #san x reader #choi san x reader #ateez x reader #ateez series #yunho x reader #fic: sweetestlies

[bonny-kookoo]

Jungkook/platonic!OT7

𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐖𝐢𝐥𝐝 [Part 3: Glow]

And suddenly, the thing you feared most becomes the only thing you can seem to trust.

Main tags/Warnings: Werewolf!Jungkook, Werewolf!Bangtan, strangers/enemies to lovers, romantic Jungkook x reader, Platonic bangtan x reader, eventual smut, mentions of past emotional/psychological manipulation, hurt and comfort, fluff!, some angst, actually a bit more than just some, but we're getting spicy

Length: 2.5k words

There is no taglist for this fic.

-> Masterlist

🌲── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ─🐺─ ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──🌲

None of it makes sense. Or at least, you refuse to let it make any sense.

Suddenly, the medications in your drawer look more like poison to you, as you anxiously unlock your phone to search up the name of it online. But the moment you do, you accidentally accept Jungkook's call- who's unaware of the panic you're in right now. "I was wondering where you were. You're not ghosting me right now, are you?" He laughs, jokes, but you can't really see any fun in it right now.

"I'll- Jungkook can I call you back later?" You say, trying to sound normal- but you don't, because Jungkook's now serious tone gives away the fact that he knows something's up.

"Everything okay?" He worries. "You sound upset." The alpha wolf states, and you sigh, running a hand over our face.

"Yeah- yeah!" You force out. "I'm good, just, a little sick. That's all." You stutter out, staring at the now opened letters from your mother and the final notice you got today.

"I'm sorry but I'm not buying that at all." He sighs on the other end of the line. "Do you need anything? Even just some company?" He asks, offers, and you're not sure about that. "I can just stay on the phone, too. Don't have to come over or anything-" He rambles, when you swallow thickly, cutting him off.

"Do.." You start, before you summon all of your strength to speak it out loud. "…Do you know a medication called Amatropin O-plus?" You ask, and he's quiet for a moment, before he answers you.

"I know of Amatropin A-plus. It's.. a prescription medication used to control instincts in prime-Alphas." He explains, and you put your phone down at that, putting your face into your hands. "Why are you asking?" He presses, saying your name after to gain your attention back.

"What the fuck.." You breathe out. "I'm gonna lose my job- my whole life-" You rant, deadline for your IC-evaluation test staring back at you, before you grab your phone. "How do I get out of an IC test." You demand to know, voice quivering.

"What are you talking about?" Jungkook asks. "An IC-evaluation is mandatory, you can't just get out of one. But why are you even-" He suddenly stops. "…I knew it." He suddenly says.

"Knew what?" You bark. "Knew what?! Has everyone been lying to me now?" You break, as Jungkook's voice is heard again.

"Can you let me in?" He asks, and you're not sure what he's talking about- when a knock is heard on your door. and as you open is, he's right there, ending the call before he slips his phone back into his pant pocket. And you're not sure why exactly you do it- probably some weird wolf-shit that you just don't understand yet, but you just open the door fully, and let him hug you for a good little while.

"What do I do now.." You whine, while he closes the door behind you, and wraps both of his arms back around you.

"We'll figure it out." He reassures. "Can you show me the notice?" He asks, and you part from him and sniffle, collecting yourself a little to walk him into your bedroom, where the floor is littered with ripped open envelopes, handwritten letters, and lastly- the notice, right next to your opened box of medication. You sit down in the mess, and he himself takes his place right next to you, taking the official notice for himself to read over it. "It's a final notice. Where are the other two?" He asks, and you shrug.

"Probably having been sent to my mother." You say, defeated. "God my whole life is over." You complain, face in your hands.

Jungkook doesn't want to pry, but as he reads some parts of the handwritten letters, he begins to put one and one together. It's not unusual- especially with omegas, situations like this happen more often than not, really. Parents hiding their daughters and sons either out of shame or fear- and in this situation in particular, he doesn't know which one it might be.

Some parents are ashamed due to the stigma russounding omegas. Others are afraid because of how they're treated, and how often they're the victims of crimes.

"She knew. She.. must've known that they'd send me this, right?" You ask, and Jungkook shrugs, trying to contain his own instincts right now. You've probably not taken your medication since yesterday now, because your smell is now a lot more present than he's used to.

"Absolutely." He agrees. "She probably didn't react to them either, which is why they searched for your personal address now for the final notice." Jungkook explains. "You can explain to them what your situation is though. I'm sure they can offer you more time to prepare."

"But I've been technically living alone in the city illegally, right?" You worry. "I've been working illegally- oh god what if I go to prison.." You whine, and he runs a hand over your back in comfort.

"You didn't know." He tells you softly. "I'll help you with things, okay?" He offers, and you nod, trying hard to calm down now. "And I'm sure you have a place with Namjoon and the pack too, if they really deem your score turns out too low to stay here." The wolf comforts.

"She's not even my actual mother." You mumble quietly, staring at the letters with an empty gaze. "She knew all along what I was, but she didn't want me like that. She just.. kept me because she promised my dad to take care of me."

Jungkook feels for you. Omegas aren't seen very fondly, especially not by humans- simply brushed off as sex-hungry beasts who can't even take care of themselves properly without a pack or alpha around or a dick inside them. Which is entirely untrue- but years of written fantasy novels and the misuse of them in online erotica and porn in general has given them a stigma they can't shed. Just like alphas are said to be violent creatures with no sense of control, Omegas are just filled with lust and nothing else.

He's upset at that. You don't deserve to be forced into a situation like this- no one does.

"But that's the past now." He tells you. "I very much want you just the way you are. And I promise you, the rest of the pack won't mind you either." He explains, and you nod.

"Jungkook?" You ask, and he hums a reply, before you lean into him, clinging onto his warm body. "Thank you." You mumble, and he can't help but smile.

"No problem."

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"Not surprised." Yoongi says as he finishes his food. "She might've been able to fool other humans, but not other wolves." He says, while Jimin sighs.

"Poor thing." He sympathizes with you. "I remember my mom went through the same thing. She was so glad when I turned out to be a Beta." He remembers, and Jungkook nods.

"I'm going to try and push the evaluation date back as much as I can today." Jungkook explains. "There's no way she can just be evaluated in two weeks, when she's never even had enough time to prepare. It wouldn't be fair at all.." The alpha wolf complains.

"It's never unfair to them in any case." Namjoon worries to himself. "I still can't believe that they're still seen as something to be ashamed of. I mean, that's her mother we're talking about." He shakes his head. He doesn't know the full situation yet, and Jungkook also doesn't want to involve them too much until you yourself want to.

"I'm more concerned about her safety." Yoongi argues. "Is she taking her suppressants?" He asks Jungkook, who shakes his head.

"She's scared of them now. Refuses them." He explains.

"So you left her?" The alpha growls. "You left an omega alone, who's never even experienced her own Instincts without any control before, and is under added pressure of her entire life basically falling apart?" He scolds angrily, causing Jungkook to shrink in on himself.

Yoongi can be quite intimidating.

"Yoongi has a point." Namjoon offers a lot more kindly. "I'd suggest you either stay with her, or even better bring her here so she's in a safer environment while she adapts to things." He suggests.

"I can ask her if she wants that." Jungkook nods, before he gets up. "If not, I'll stay with her instead." He mostly tells himself, leaving the packhouse.

"Do you think that's a good idea?" Hoseok wonders. "I mean.. we all noticed it.. right? Will he be okay alone with her?" He asks, and everyone grows a bit more quiet.

Because you're not just any kind of omega.

And everyone worries about the added challenges you might face because of that.

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"Maybe you should ask about a lower dosage before you just quit them like that-" Jungkook tries, watching you struggle with your clear headache next to him on the couch.

You shake it softly. "No, I don't have time for that." You deny. "I've got too much.. paperwork to fill out and all.." You complain, raising your head to look at all the unopened and opened letters on the table, stacks of paperwork ready to be read and filled out with your personal info as soon as you want to.

Or can, in your case.

"You do have time." He gently argues. "Half a year, remember? Six months to prepare, and these documents don't need to be signed for another three weeks." He attempts to explain to you. "Please think about your health first. Quitting medication you've been on for years just like that isn't a good idea." The alpha urges, and you sigh.

"I don't want them." You argue however. He knows it just has to be overwhelming- if not just mentally, then physically as well. Your body is entirely confused and out of balance now that the usual hormones and other ingredients of your medication aren't present any longer. And yet, you refuse to see anyone for it, and he doesn't know why

Is it shame? Embarrassment? And if so, what does that say about what you think of him?

But he swallows that down, or at least tries to, when you furrow your brows in confusion, suddenly looking around, before your eyes find him. He looks at you in question, when you stare into your kitchen in alarm, getting up to check- but on your way, you already stop, because no, that smell is not coming from there at all.

One look back just offers you Jungkook sitting still on your couch, confused as ever.

"I.. you.. smell that too, right?" You ask, and his golden eyes are unsure.

"I don't really know what you mean." He asks. "What exactly do you mean?"

"Something.. burning. I don't know. It smells like.. I'm not sure, like plastic burning almost." You cringe, and at that, his face softens.

"I'm sorry. That's.. probably me." He chuckles a bit as you walk back towards him to sit down once more. "Your senses are probably.. I guess returning as they're supposed to be." He offers.

"But- my meds are only for instincts-" You start, when he shakes his head.

"No, they're used to prevent sensory overload." He explains. "That's a bit different. It's to basically shut down all the things that make us.. well, different. Our instincts get shut up, our senses become dull, and in turn, our own scents and stuff become almost unnoticeable too because our bodies dont produce the same hormones and stuff." He shrugs. "Which is why I'm trying to tell you you shouldn't just cut them off like that. It'll be incredibly hard to go through that." Jungkook offers.

You feel horrible for him.

For years you believed all the stories told, never actually thinking about what he or any of his kind must be going through. He probably deals with all of this daily but knows how to handle it- and from what you read online, his instincts are even stronger than most.

Which is another thing you want to know more about.

"Jungkook.. what does 'prime' mean?" You ask. "It's.. like, it's in front of your sub-gender, and on the evaluation invite it said the same for mine." You wonder with a good amount of worry.

"That's something for another time." He offers, while you wince from the pain in your head as you move it too quickly to follow him with your gaze as he walks towards the kitchen. "For now, lets settle with some simple human meds for your headache, and then we'll visit a specialist, okay?" He questions, squatting down where you sit on the couch with a glass of water and some regular headache pills.

"...you don't have to go everywhere with me, you know." You mumble, reluctantly taking the items from him- mostly because your headache is getting unbearable at this point.

"I can ask someone else from the pack then- but you shouldn't be out in this state by yourself." He sighs, before he takes his place sitting next to you again.

"Why not?" You whine, after taking the pills and eagerly chugging the cold water down. Somehow, you feel thirsty.

"Because.. You're pretty much a walking target right now." He sighs. "Wolves might not be what they always say but they're still.. some have the potential to be dangerous, let's just say it like that." He offers. "Your scent alone.. is like a drug to alphas especially." He says.

You watch him for a moment.

"Even for you?" You ask, and he shrugs- and only now do you notice the sweat on his hairline.

"Even for me." He nods, before he smiles. "But I've got good self control, so no need to worry." He tries to joke- but you don't find it funny at all.

"I'm sorry." You shake your head, staring into the kitchen where the medications lay. "I.. didn't think about how this could affect you at all.." you apologize, but he just shrugs it off. "No- it's not fair on you at all. You're being nothing but nice to me and I'm acting like a child basically.."

"Your whole life got turned around. I don't blame you for anything." He just shakes it off, and it doesn't make the weight on your soul feel any lighter.

"Jungkook.." you ask quietly, and he leans a bit closer to hear you better. "Can we... still be friends now? Even though I'm.. an omega and all?" You worry.

And Jungkook just laughs.

"Of course we can."

⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅

#bts imagine #bts fanfic #bts fic #jungkook imagine #jeon jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook imagine #bts jungkook imagine #bts jungkook fanfic #bts jungkook x reader #jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook fanfic #jeon jungkook imagines #jungkook imagines #werewolf jungkook #werewolf bangtan

[wardenparker]

Heeeeyyy. Congratulations on 2.5k followers. Great Milestone you got there just know we're all proud of you.

Anyways, can I request an angst fic from the propmts "Wait! Please don't go!" and "There is no 'us'." for none other than the slick cowboy, Agent Whiskey/Jack Daniels?

I can wait. Thaaaanksss!

Agent Jack 'Whiskey' Daniels. 1,373 words. "Wait! Please don't go!"/"There is no 'us'." (Warnings: angst) Co-written with @absurdthirst

The house is a disaster when he opens the front door. Making his heart drop and his instincts take over, reaching for the side of his hip even though his pistols aren’t there. He never wears his guns home. “Sugar!” He calls out, eyes searching and trying to make sense of the items strewn around.

If he follows the sounds and the trail of items that have been moved around and messed with, he'll find most of the commotion centered in the bedroom. That's where the most things have changed. Where they have been torn apart and not put back into any semblance of what they were before. Where the center of the heartache really lives.

“Baby! What the hell is going on?” He’s relieved to find you, bag opened and shit being shoved into it like you have thirty seconds to evacuate. He’s also confused as to what is happening. There’s been no alert, no word from Statesman.

"What does it look like, Jack?" You don't stop moving, spitting the words out at him while you shove some rolled up jeans into a travel bag. "I'm packing."

“Why?” His hat is off his head, a frown on his handsome face and his hands on his hips. “Where are you going?”

"I don't want to tell you that." If you tell him, he'll inevitably show up there in a day or two, and you might be weak enough from missing him to undo this stance that you're taking and come home to him again. Your mother said you could come home, so that's where you're going. Your old home. The home where you don't go crazy wondering if Jack is safe or what it is the two of you even are despite the fact that you've lived together for months now and been sleeping together far longer.

“Well sugar, how in the fuck am I supposed to accept that?” He asks, frowning deeply. “Talk to me. Everything was just fine and dandy when I left for work this mornin’.”

"Everything was not fine and dandy." Throwing the jeans down in anger, you whirl around on one ankle to face him with tears pricking at your eyes for only the fourth time today. The decision to leave wasn't an easy one to make, but you've convinced yourself it's for the best. "It hasn't been fine and dandy in weeks, but you refuse to see that. The issues don't magically go away just because the arguement is over, Jack. Or did no one ever teach you that?"

“We talked.” Jack defends, huffing. “What more do you want? We said our piece, what more was there? Did I miss something?”

"We talked but nothing changed." Angry steps seem to be the only ones you have in you today, and you storm across the bedroom to sweep your books off the dresser on the other side of the bed. Your side of the bed. Or it used to be. "If we have a fight because things aren't going well and we talk about the things we need to fix, then we actually have to fix the shit we talk about afterward." There are four novels in your hand, but you notice one of them is a Louis L'Amour novel -- one of Jack's -- so you put it back down and stalk back to your suitcase. "You never fix anything I ask you to unless it's a Honey Do chore. The apartment and the relationship aren't the same thing. Hell, I don't even know what our relationship is anymore."

“This is why you’re mad?” Jack sputters and then huffs. “Because I’m not jumping up and down to talk about my feelings?”

The books follow the jeans into the bag you are haphazardly filling, and you groan at the disbelief in his voice before facing him again. "Yes." You tell him flatly, hating that you let it get this far in the first place. "I'm allowed to be upset about the fact that you are never willing to talk about how you feel about me. I am entitled to be mad about that."

“I show you how I feel.” Jack manages to flash you a grin and waggles his eyebrows. “As often as you let me.”

"Jesus fucking Christ." The groan that rips out of you is downright angry, which holds well enough in line with how you're feeling that you don't bother to stifle it. "That's exactly what I'm talking about. Right there."

“Sugar….” Jack lifts his hands, helpless as he realizes that you aren’t taking his little act as something cute. Not like you had before. “What do you want me to say?” He asks seriously.

You pause in your steps, sighing heavily and shrugging your shoulders with so much defeat that you feel like you might just collapse backward on the bed. "Nothing," you admit after a long pause. "I don't want you to say anything. I just want you to let me finish packing so I can go." As much as it makes your heart break, as much as you feel sick to your stomach, this is the decision that you've made. You can't give all of your love to a man who refuses to acknowledge that love even exists.

Jack’s brows pull down, knitting together and he shakes his head. “I don’t want you to go.” He admits quietly, a shiver of dread rushing down his spine as he hears the quiet finality in your tone.

"It's too late." A last sweeping look around the room says that you've packed everything from the bedroom that you care to. This room was last, and then that's it. You'll walk out of this place for the last time and battle with your regrets on your mother's couch for however long it takes. "Maybe the next girl will avoid having her heart broken for a little bit longer because of me, maybe not."

The panic, the fear that he has been avoiding when it comes to emotions starts to set it when you pick up the bags and start to walk out of the room. Jack waits for you to stop, to change your mind like you have before. Never actually going so far as packing before. “Wait!” Jack rushes out of the bedroom when you don’t turn back, don’t come back. He chases you down the hall and into the living room. “Please don’t go!” He begs, his eyes wide and worried.

There are a few things to gather along the way, but your car is almost full and you have your arms full when you pause in the front hall to turn and face him one more time. "Give me one reason to stay," you challenge, knowing you won't forgive yourself if you don't at least let him try. If you don’t give it one last ditch effort. You've been in love with Jack Daniels since the day you met him, but this is the last chance you're going to give him to disappoint you. Unless he's ready to actually say something about real emotions, you're walking out that door. "Tell me why I should."

“You belong here, with me.” Jack tells you stubbornly. “You’ve practically moved in and I’ve - we- we are good together.” Saying the words, truly saying them, has scared Jack to his core. Even with the boss ordered therapy. Afraid the world will rip away another person he loves if he says those words, so he doesn’t.

“If you can’t even muster up the words when I’m about to walk out the door, I think that just proves my point,” you murmur sadly, reaching for the door handle. “Have a good life, Jack.”

“Baby girl, wait.” He reaches out and takes your hand, heart pounding and he feels like he’s about to throw up. Swallowing harshly, he stares into your eyes, trying to say the words you want to hear. “But I have plans for us.” He promises seriously. “Big plans for us.”

“There is no us, Jack.” You whisper, hand on the knob and tears in your eyes. “Goodbye.” His hand falls away and his world crumbles as you walk out the door and out of his life.

______

Master Tags: @pixiedurango @chattychell @winter-fox-queen @lady-himbo @artsymaddie @princess76179 @paintballkid711 @missminkylove @pedrosbrat @ew-erin @sarahjkl82-blog @sharkbait77 @justanotherblonde23 @lv7867 @recklesswit @mylittlesenaar @f0rever15elf @gallowsjoker @steeevienicks @athalien @sherala007 @skvatnavle @thatpinkshirt @jaime1110 @girlimjusttryingtoreadfanfics @goodgriefitsawildworld @greeneyedblondie44 @littlemousedroid @harriedandharassed @churchill356 @ajathegreats-blog @haylzcyon   @beardsanddetectives @kirsteng42 @ladykatakuri @adancedivasmom @madiebear @tanzthompson @emilianamason @bigsdinger @xocalliexo @pedr0swh0r3 @avaleineandafryingpan @charlyrmv @avidreader73 @iceclaw101 @loveslide @elegantduckturtle @becsworld @julesonrecord @its-nebuleuse @itsrubberbisquit @mikeyswifie @guelyury @lizzie-cakes @for-a-longlongtime @vabeachazn @purplerain04 @weho2kcmo @madnessofadaydreamer

My Masterlist!

#Pedro Pascal #Pedro Pascal character fanfiction #Pedro Pascal fanfic #Jack Whiskey Daniels #Jack Daniels #Agent Whiskey #Jack Daniels x you #Jack Daniels x reader #Jack Daniels x female reader #Jack Daniels x f!reader #microfic #angst #break up

[starshipsofstarlord]

I've waited a thousand hours to tell you exactly how I feel, but you don't deserve an explanation

Warnings - cheating, angst, break up (0.8k)

damon salvatore works other tvd works masterlist

Damon had once enjoyed tormenting human beings, all because he could. There was a violent anger within his cursed soul, he wanted others to suffer just as he had. It hadn't been his choice to be turned into a vampire, however that was now the reality of his life, and so he had chose to embrace the tragedy that had arose his body from initial death instead of holding resent towards it.

But once again he was emoting regret; he had hurt her. Y/N was everything that he had searched for in his 173 years of existence, she made him feel as though he was alive again. Damon was vastly aware that he wasn't the better brother, it was in his blood to be gullible when it came to making mistakes. And that was what he had done once again.

There was nobody that Y/N knew who was as self destructive as Damon, he was unable to accept a good thing without ruining it first. So here Y/N was, in ruins as she sat at the bar, nursing a strong drink as though it would numb the wound that Damon had made in her. She had spent decades loyal by his side, but she was foolish to have ever thought that he would be content with somebody that wasn't a Katherine knock off.

Sometimes the woman liked to convince herself that Katherine had sired him just to make herself feel better. But despite her dark hopes, it wasn't true and she was only temporarily blinding herself to the surrounding reality.

Damon's heart ached as he viewed his girl from afar, he wanted to run to her and hold her broken demeanour in his arms. He wanted forgiveness, what he and Elena had was nothing than a drunken night spent alone together. It would never happen again, he couldn't bear to see his Y/N in such a state. There was a glass of bourbon in his hand, but after his intoxicated rendezvous, he refused to drink.

He had fucked up, and there was no redeeming himself. His actions and wandering hands had been unjustified, in fact criminal as it had costed him the companionship that he craved. Y/N stood, leaving bills on the bar as she turned to leave, however her tracks of retreat were faulted to a stop as she saw him in her peripheral.

Y/N wished she could hurt Damon in the same way he had her, but it would be impossible. He had been unable to control his libido in the shared presence of another woman, and it evidently meant that he had never cared about her. She was just there on his arm for appearances, to show that he had moved on from his messy past. Others had been convinced of that up until now, and so had she, though they had all come to realise that it had all been a cruel hoax.

"Baby." He pleaded with the pet name that often times would make her melt, but she remained hard and stoic despite his conniving words. Y/N wondered if he had called Elena that in their time together, but it was best decided if she didn't know.

"I miss you." Damon proclaimed as though it would make things any better. All it did was blur Y/N's eyes with infinite tears and her break all over again. Her lips trembled as she stood in front of her unreliable lover, she could only see him as a stranger rather than the man that she had shared a bed with for a lifetime. Life only lasted so long, and it was understandable if their vampiric relationship did also, it was a shame it had to end the way it had though.

"I've waited a thousand hours to tell you exactly how I feel, but you don't deserve an explanation. We're over Damon, for good, I refuse to hold you back any longer. Be with Katherine, or Elena, or whoever the hell you want, as long as it's not me." Her shoulder collided with Damon's as she shoved past him, refusing to hear his apologies or regrets. He had lost her for once and for all, and there was undeniably nothing that he could do to make up for his careless reckoning.

Damon only wanted Y/N, but she no longer desired him. He had internally harmed her, and it was damage that would live within her for eternity. She had wasted far too long on the man that she had called hers, and through it she had somehow survived the anguish that she'd endured because of him. If he wanted forgiveness he would have to do more than grovel in self hatred, he would have to be responsible for saving her from the turmoil heart ache that had made her feel more human than the era in which she had been one.

#damon salvatore x reader #damon salvatore imagine #Damon Salvatore angst #damon salvatore x y/n #damon salvatore oneshot #damon salvatore fanfiction #tvd angst #tvd x reader #tvd imagine #tvd x you

[504py]

Yandere Prussia Relationship Headcanons

Gender neutral, no use of Y/N, NSFW, murder, kidnapping mention, stalking, long post ahead!

we're SO BACK JOE. i apologize in advance if i write him strangely 😭😭🙏 but here it is! come get y'all juice!! slowly coming back to hetalia, so my inbox is once again open!!! hope y'all like it!

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How the relationship started...

Gilbert is a very competitive man, and he can't help but be attracted by challenges, even if those challenges are ones that he himself proposes and the other party is completely unaware. This is what has unfortunately happened between you two, and it all started when you rejected his advances towards you.

I apologize for saying this, but I feel that Gilbert is a bit of a "nice guy". He saw you initially as just some pretty person he could fool around and flirt with, but you, obviously, saw right through his act, and said something that stuck with him.

"Are you normally this pathetic?"

He's taken aback, and his red irises shake a little.

Of course, he's used to insults being flung his way, what with how he acts, but a shot to how cool he perceives himself to be would stick.

His white brows crease his previously smirking face, before snapping back.

"Well fuck you too!"

Gilbert wouldn't have any contact with you following this interaction for a long while, and while he tries to forget you and erase you from his memory, you and your words have been laser-burnt into the creases of his brain. You and your damned smile when you look at anyone other than him, the softer tone your voice takes when you talk to other people, versus how your voice seems to have been drained of all enthusiasm and feels like it's a knife dripping with venom when Gilbert talks to you. Why didn't he deserve that nice treatment, too? Was he not even deserving of a small smile from you? He wants you to like him, too. He wants to be the person you like the most; to be the best.

Which resulted in him showing up at your door one evening with flowers and your favorite takeout.

Why does he know your address and why does he know your favorite food and flowers, you ask? Don't worry about it (He was obsessively stalking your social media during the month he was gone).

Gilbert apologizes to you, he sounds sincere, and like the oh-so kind person you are, or maybe you just wanted the food and flowers, you let him into your home.

Expectations...

Gilbert is a very insecure man. His only expectation is for you to look at only him and to love him only. Perhaps he wants you to love him the same way he loves you, obsessively, but he does like the challenge.

He feels like, maybe, if he can fully prove himself to you one day and have your validation, only then can he truly see himself as worthy, as the best for you.

He would have a lot of tunnel vision when it comes to you. To Gilbert, the rest of the world doesn't matter, because you are his whole world. He does tend to look pretty stupid because of it sometimes, but he couldn't care less.

You want him to cook and clean around the house? He'll do it.

You want him to change up his style even if he doesn't really like it? Of course he will!

You want him to carry all the bags while you're out shopping? In a heartbeat. Plus, he gets to show off his strength too. He'd carry you too if you allowed it.

Even if he tries his best not to come off as cocky, he really does like showing off. Being with you has sort of domesticated him, so he'd be a lot more shy about making a show of himself.

I think he'd act like this irregardless on if you accepted him as your boyfriend or not, if anything, I think he'd be even more of a doormat if you refuse to accept him.

He'd get crazier and crazier with his attempts to prove himself to you, such as buying extravagant gifts, doing anything and everything under the sun and moon for you, hell, he'd even legally change his name if you didn't like it.

If you still don't accept him despite everything he's done, I think he'd snap and just take you. He'll keep you with him so you won't run away and he can have as many attempts as it takes to prove himself to you.

But I imagine you'd cave from the guilt and persistence, and eventually accept him. At which, he'd literally scream from relief and happiness and swing you around, before realizing how rough he's being with you and hurriedly putting you back down and apologizing.

Yet he still has that wide toothy grin the whole time, and he keeps petting your hair and holding your face in his hands adoringly. It feels that, from that moment on, there would never be a moment where he'd be unhappy ever again, and he'd never allow you to be unhappy either as long as he's around.

It is genuinely very hard to make this Gilbert upset, because there are very few things that do...

Punishments...

Gilbert really hates it when you express any sort of affection towards anyone or anything other than him.

Yes, anything. He gets jealous if you show too much affection over his dogs or fawn over them too much. I'm seriously saying this, I think he'd later show up with a collar around his neck, crawling on the ground and rubbing his head against your thigh like a mutt. This could either come off as comedic or attractive depending on you, but either is a win in Gilbert's book, since at least he's got your attention now.

If you have any personal toys of your own, he'd get kinda emotional and ask you to throw them away, then ask what they do that he can't. In some time (and by that I mean later that night, maybe even right away), he'd prove that he can provide you with so much more pleasure and relief than those toys ever could.

Probably even to a fault, he'd keep overstimulating you and forcing orgasms till he was satisfied, till he believed that it was drilled into your brain that only he could do these sorts of things to you. And, also, that if you make him jealous like this again, it'll be another one of these long, torturous, sweaty nights...

I guess these aren't really punishments to a lot of people, because in my book only one thing could make him so genuinely upset that he'd be anything other than doting towards you, and that would be flirting with someone else. He'd try to deny it, but then he'd be inconsolable and crying for weeks, having nights where he'd be begging you to say that it never happened, or that the other person meant nothing to you.

"They r-really mean nothing to you? You mean it, babe?"

Then an idea pops into Gilbert's head, one that makes his heart rate pick up and his pupils dilate.

He kisses you, says that he loves you, says goodnight, then he'd be eerily... calm for the next few days. Usually he'd be more skittish and closed-off following whatever you did, but now he's acting like nothing ever happened.

Until one day, he shows up with that other person, bound and gagged, and a gun.

"G-Gil, what is thi-"

"They mean nothing to you, right?"

"Y-Yes, but-"

Then the gun fires, and it happens so quickly that you can barely process it.

This is only a hypothetical scenario, if you were ever to do something like that. It'd be really easy for Gilbert to slip into a psychosis and believe he was doing the right thing by murdering someone.

If anything, he sees it as another means of proving himself.

"There's no one else who would kill for you like I could."

All in all, he isn't easy to anger, but unfortunately I can't say the same thing about him and murder...

Rewards...

Luckily, as long as you're fully loyal to him, all you'd have is a boyfriend who is doting to a total fault.

As long as you've got a good tolerance for cringe, being with Gilbert should be relatively stress-free.

Gilbert's love languages are words of affirmation and physical touch. You could imagine what the two combined would be... Yeah, he's got a huge praise kink.

But as for ways he shows his love towards you, it's definitely acts of service and gift giving. He lilkes gloating a lot, and that's especially true when it comes to the two of you.

He enjoys showing you off. He likes buying gaudy things for you and himself– a huge fan of matching outfits– and taking you out on flashy dates. If you're comfortable with being posted on his social media, best believe he'd be spamming his with you ALL the time. Even if you're not being physically being shown, he'd write about you in his tweets, captions, and stories constantly.

"CHECK OUT THIS EPIC BAG I GOT FOR MY BELOVED!!!!!!!!"

And around twenty-eight people respond like "Didn't you just get them one the other day??"

If you're one to hop between interests and hobbies a lot, or just have any hyperfixations in general, best believe Gilbert will be fueling them LOL.

Gilbert can be really overbearing with his affections, but to him it's just because you deserve it so much. Only the best for the best, right?

He can't help it either, the most rewarding thing he's ever felt is that feeling he gets after he gives you a gift or does something for you. You get this adorable look on your face, smiling at him like he was the stars in the sky and singing out the sweetest compliments and thanks. It's all so worth it.

Normally I'd delve into what Gilbert would love to receive from his partner in return, but in all seriousness, I really do think all he wants is praise and your sole affection.

Like Alfred in my last headcanon post, Gilbert is really noisy, but I think he'd willingly make an effort to change that for you. Not because you asked for it or anything, but just cause, this way, he can appreciate all the tiny little things about you even more.

He realized this, when, one day, he noticed you frown a little before you smile. He wonders why he's never noticed this, and he realizes it's because he closes his eyes right when he starts to laugh. He starts to wonder what other little details about you he's missing out on, so he watches you more carefully in that effort.

Inadvertently, this has made him more calm and quiet since he's so concentrated on you. He likes it, though.

I think, what punctuates Gilbert's character here, is his willingness to change and bend for love's sake.

He does say he loves you very often, to the point of it being annoying sometimes, but he sincerely does mean it. He doesn't say it as just fluff.

However, you'll feel it most with the way he looks at you.

"You have a mole on your back. Did you know that, babe?"

┊͙✧˖*°࿐

(art used is mine, so please do show it some love on my blog as well! thinking of starting a taglist?)

#hetalia #yandere hetalia #yandere hetalia x reader #aph prussia #hetalia prussia #hws prussia #yandere prussia #yandere prussia x reader #prussia x reader #aph prussia x reader #hws prussia x reader #gilbert beilschmidt #🛁 #yandere male #yandere male x reader #yandere hcs #yandere headcanons #yandere aph prussia #yandere hws prussia #yandere gilbert beilschmidt

[dazyskiie-luv]

Overblot mc/yuu but...????

TW — mention of vomiting, fighting Crowley and winning (sorry Crowley lovers), past death. I like thinking a lot tbh

not necessarily angst but it is in here! Same with fluff...this was really just me rambling.

* EDIT: WHY DID IT TAKE HOURS UNTIL I FINALLY GOT TOLD I WAS WRITING OVERBLOT WRONG.

I think about MC overbloting a lot and I also think about adding it into my own books because of how??? good??? the idea???? is???????

I genuinely imagine that even from the start MC was in danger of overbloting themself, with the stress and despair of finding out they aren't in THEIR world, away from their (family and/or friends) with possibly NO WAY BACK EVER because of some egocentric crow refusing to do more than he wants to???????

They would obviously be hella upset, stressed, depressed, anxious, etc because they know NOTHING of this world and is practically a BABY among people who lived here THEIR WHOLE LIFE.

So as more overblots happen, the more their OWN overblot is brewing. Bubbling, waiting to enter the game. Especially with the magic always getting slashed onto them. I think the only reason why they HAVEN'T overbloted just yet is because of grim

a more personal headcanon; Grim's fire, when you have a close bond with him, sorta starts erasing your blot and fueling HIS flames, making it more powerful. Essentially, think of when you're close friends with someone... you'll find it easier to fight for them right?? like you have more power to do that??? that's what its like

Now think of when MC is just TOO deep in their mind, TOO deep into their emotions and its the ONE TIME grim isn't there to help. They go to throw up blot and after panicking for a bit they just accept it. They accept that "I'm gonna overblot and probably die" because they're just too tired to worry abt themself

They don't tell anyone and since the overblot is already taking over the entire inside of their body, grims flames can't really???? get it all???? It'll always be there and it'll continue to grow and slowly grim notices that when he's feeling more powerful than ever while MC is showing obvious signs of getting ready to overblot

Grim choosing not to say anything to other people would be like... i guess out of character but at the same time i think In character????? He knows how tired MC is with dealing with everyone and honestly he's tired of it too so YASSS SLAY HENCH-BESTIEEE!!!!!

Sooner or later the others would notice too and it would be a little late to help MC since the overblot is already seeping out of their skin like they're crying. and honestly? their body IS crying. it's crying blot. And even as everyone is screaming and panicking about MC, they're just... sitting there.

Like they're annoyed everyone is making a big deal out of it considering no one cared before, and they're just like "stfu we're in class" and then focus on the teacher going "u can continue im sorry abt that."

And everyone is just??? confused?? because why aren't they going haywire or like.....???? idk..... crying in pain....????? what...........

MC just chilling the entire day while overbloting, even their overblot monster just floating behind them in peace and waving at times when people look for too long while everyone else is wary and giving them (+ grim who's always in MC's hold) a bunch of space while the teachers and dormleaders have their pens/wands/wtvr thr fuck at command just incase

but then everyone just realizes that??? MC isn't gonna???? do anything?????? and it kinda irritates them because why aren't you doing shit its freaking them out.

And lets say,,, ortho... as discreetly as he can... scans you. And it shows that you're perfectly fine??? like you aren't dying or in pain. It even shows the Blot monster being alright too like its just a guy standing there.

And now the confusion is up to 100 because WHAT????

MC and the Blot [+ Grim] just doing their everyday assignments and eating in the cafeteria with their friends being visibly tense and MC just raises an eyebrow like "whats wrong with yall tf" before continuing to absolutely DEMOLISH a burger they got for free. FREE!!! best day ever fr they'll tell you that much

I feel like the Blot would get sorta aggressive/protective when it comes to people who has like hurt MC to the point they had to take a nurse visit (half of the school but its alr we gang fr) but when it comes to crowley....??? They'll see the FULL POWER of a magicless blot monster which is actually more terrifying than the others.

The blot going hulk on crowley is so funny to imagine for me cause he'd just be running away and suddenly gets smashed into a pillar from a literal stomp. just one. and it was relatively weak compared to the Blot AND MC picking up and swinging that SAME PILLAR to smash it into crowley.

All that anger and other negative emotion finally coming out the SECOND they even so as HEAR that crows heartbeat nearby. It gave everyone whiplash but then again they also all collectively thought that he deserved it considering he hasn't truly done anything to HELP the students but just to HELP the schools reputation.

I'm half certain a student died there and he just covered it up and they turned into a ghost that haunts places. (i mean... look at the three ghosts in Ramshackle. they used to be students there I'm pretty sure????? i forgot.)

As MC is beating the DOG SHIT out of crowley the Blot is just cleaning everything up slowly because they realized that they dirted up the place :( and when MC is done they help too as the teachers all circle around a throughly beaten and bruised Crowley who has blood seeping out of his mouth while being half awake.

Of course they help him don't die because they honestly don't want the one helpful person to go to the equivalent of jail in twisted wonderland for committing murder and ykw thats so real.

I feel like as Mc stays in this overblot form everyone thats close-ish to them gets memories of things that's happened to them in the past like how MC did. But it's worse. I want an mc thats traumatized im sorry and i want it to be worse than what half of these guys went through.

I need them to feel guilty even more. Like. "Oh my god I really said that when— holy shit" FEEL BAD!!!!! Grim would already know their past because I know I would be cuddling into Grim's stomach and crying about everything.

When Mc finally stops "Overbloting", the Blot would still be there but as its own person :D How does this work????? it works bc I said it does.

The Blot™ would help MC a lot and vice versa, basically acting like parents now with how worried they get over everyone and the other. Grim is eating the attention up though as both Mc and The Blot cuddle as therapy (and bc they wanna)

Everyone (especially idia) would need time to like... get used to that because there's "NO FUCKING RECORD OF AN OVERBLOT BECOMING ITS OWN PERSON AND BEING....NICE?????"(shrouds words not mine ong) and when they do get used to it its like everyone is genuinely happier because! gasp! they are!!!

kick the crow out the seat. Both the Blot and Mc are the new headmaster contrary to the students voting them when Crowley got demoted from it.

I also feel like....??? Instead of MC goinf back home cause they realize just how BAD it was back home, they choose to have a bridge between both realities so that its their (friends and/or families) choice on if they want to be with them in twisted wonderland or not.

MC & Blot beating the shit outta Crowley as everyone watches (and cheers)

#🪐:maxwrites.exe #♡ #gn reader #x reader #twisted wonderland #◇ #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #♤ #Overbolt MC #Overbolt Yuu #Overbolt #dire crowley #Headmaster Crowley #ortho shroud #idia shroud #The Great Grim #grim twst #☆ #Nobodies really mentioned here besides the one I put tags as.... #also not truly an x reader but still it can be worse if you see it as one #romantic or platonic is up to you! #♧ #long post #overblot #oh my god. #crying i said bolt this entire time.

[art-that-fucks-you-up-tournament]

welcome to the 'art that fucks you up' tournament!

have you ever seen a painting and though to yourself, "wow this makes me want to viscerally tear into a family of four"? or maybe gazing upon the stained glass of a church building and thinking, "god is not real but i am if only for this single moment"?

then this bracket is for you!

we're accepting nearly any form of visual art, but primarily sticking to stuff like paintings and the like. loom banners are cool!! engravings are awesome!! stained glass? even better! that being said, feel free to submit statues and modern art stuff because if we're running a poll about art that fucks you up, it would be absolutely criminal to stick to just those.

(and yes. we do accept statues and paintings of people in the nude. just stay away from sending us real life photos of people having sex and claiming it's art. technically it kind of is, but we're not accepting those submissions. i reserve the right to refuse a submission.)

unfortunately, we will not be accepting fanart. i know there are some fantastic pieces of art made by people on this website for their fandoms, but we're not going to be accepting those :(

ALSO. if you are submitting art made by someone actively on tumblr, PLEASE ASK THEM FOR PERMISSION. technically, whilst making the polls, we would be reposting art which is usually against most artist's boundaries.

that being said, this is pretty free for all! send in some art, and let's get this show on the road!

submit through the askbox (off-anon so you can send in the image) and explain what the art makes you feel and (if possible) why. does that painting makes you want to run your hand through a slow moving flow of magma? tell us! PROVIDE A SOURCE OR IT WON'T COUNT.

we'll see how large the bracket will be once we start getting submissions, but given that this isn't really fandom-open it probably won't get too popular. (that doesn't mean you shouldn't participate with lessened fervor though!)

inspired by: @poetrysmackdown and @notanothersongaboutlovebracket!!

#polls #art that fucks you up tournament #art that fucks you up #bracket #bracket tournament #tournament

[mesperyiandevotee]

🏴magictrioinitiate-deactivated

Reblog if your name isn't Alfred F Jones.

🃏thekinglovesplayingwithmyballs follow

WE'LL FIND YOU JONES

🐺a-squared-omegaverse follow

As if he couldn't just lie, if he even is on this hellsite.

🏴magictrioinitiate-deactivated

He wouldn't cuz heroes don't lie.

🏴notafjonesprommy-deactivated

A hero would lie to protect his secret identity ;)

🎻sayakamikideservedbetter follow

THIS IS THE POST! ON MY DASH! I FEEL LIKE I'M SEEING A CELEBRITY!!

🗿givemegumgumdumdum follow

NO NOTES???????????????

🦪clamoutjamout follow

so i got like really hella drunk last night and out of what must have been a mix of desperation and hubris, I sent an email to Mr. Romano, askiNG FOR AN INTERVIEW OVER ZOOM TO ASK QUESTIONS FOR RESEARCH FOR MY HISTORICAL EROTICA WIP AND HE SAID YES???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!

🍖hannibalservedmemyownballs follow

Doesn't he like never talk to historians and w/e? Holy shit what kind of magical persuasive powers did your drinks give you and can you send me some?

🦖little-arms-big-hugs follow

I wouldn't say *never*. He's given interviews before, he just has a really low tolerance for disrespect compared to his brother. But with his temper I wouldn't be surprised if his gov asked him to not accept as many interviews anymore.

🍖hannibalservedmemyownballs follow

True, true. I still want to borrow some of OP's persuasion magical drinks.

🦪clamoutjamout follow

my mom sent me a bottle of that liquor mr Latvia made and i didnt look at the proof before drinking like half the bottle (mixed with pop).

also... I finally pulled up my big girl panties and read what I wrote to mr. romano...............

... im going to kms.

🦖little-arms-big-hugs follow

Forget persuasion powers, I want whatever healing magic you have that drinking half of MR. LATVIA'S balsam didn't kill you!

🦪clamoutjamout follow

#we're almost there folx! #RIP OP #nation person mention #alcohol mention

9,879 Notes

🌄cabininthewoodscore follow

UM. HELLO????

🤠redbreadrebellion follow

Yeah, Ch*rchill pushed hard for those two to get together, it's no secret. What about it? It doesn't mean they actually got together turn off your shipping brain.

🏴tw1stedm1nd-deactivated

Sure and America definitely didn't talk about it in an interview

🌄cabininthewoodscore follow

😭😭😭😭😭 The link just goes to a 404 page NNNNOOOOOOOO WHYYYYYYY

#usuk ship real is the only conspiracy theory i'll believe

132 Notes

🐸enby-froggy follow

did anyone else see h/bomber/guy's new video??? PLEASE someone put that man in witness protection or something before K*rkland gets him

🍝spaghetti-breaker follow

wasn't he originally supposed to talk about that one bbc pirate show?

🐸enby-froggy follow

spaghetti-breaker He was but he ended up going off-track after he found some reddit post that led him down a rabbit hole of research. tl;dr: K*irkland yo-hoe-hoeing isn't just a meme

🦐butisbugsshrimp follow

I'm more worried about dickland's teaboo white knights getting him tbh

🍯kidsishrunkthehoney follow

Lmao looks like he saw it!

#wait a min i gotta search something #THE VIDEO IS ALMOST 3 HOURS WTF #now i gotta watch

983 Notes

🪃callmyanxietyboomerang follow

dylan's collab with mr canada was just them trying to out-do each other with all the gay jokes sjflsfjsifhsifjsij someone make one of those 10 hour videos with just the cuts of that please? 🙏🏼

🪃callmyanxietyboomerang follow

SOMEONE DID FUCK YEAH!!!

#canada nation person #vintage baker man #someone send me the video i refuse to download tiktok

97 Notes

🎲dev1ld1c3 follow

If we try hard enough, do you guys think we can convince Mr. Denmark to do a girl month donation goal?

🛸area51searchandrescue follow

Tbh I'm surprised he doesn't have a subscription goal like that already

🔦berwaldsfleshlight follow

There's a rumour he's trying to convince Jones and Beilschmidt to do it with him first before he makes the goal official

#pretty sure those two dont need convincing

73 Notes

#hetalia #i made this instead of writing #if i make edits like this or the fake tweets assume i'm procrastinating updating my fics #i already forgot what i put for the links #no rickrolls this time #fake tumblr dash #dashboard simulator

[thebearer]

This anon has haunted me, but at lips apology, if he tries to propose bc “it’s the right thing to do” for you and the baby. He doesn’t want the responsibility but deep down he wants to have that responsibility bc always wanted to be a dad and husbands but scared

here's my thought on it.

he does it bc it's the "right thing to do" like it's just what you do, in his opinion. he doesn't want to be a bum who knocks someone up and doesn't marry them (his jaded opinion), but he also does love you and is sick at the idea of someone else being in yours and the baby's life that's not him. he's just fucked in the head really by this.

when you say no he's floored.

"wha-what do you mean? no?"

"no." you shake your head. "you don't really want to marry me."

"the fuck are you- i wanna fuckin' marry you, alright? i bought this fuckin' ring-"

"-you bought me a ring because i'm pregnant with your kid." you snap. "not because you want to marry me. not because you're in love with me."

lip is flustered bc... i mean, you're not wrong. you're not all the way right, but you're definitely not wrong.

"when you want to marry me because you want to marry me, and not because of the baby, then i'll think about it." you look down at the small diamond ring. "but i also wouldn't marry you right now, anyways, because i'm still not over all that shit you said."

"jesus, i told you i was sorry." lip sighs, closing his fist around the ring. "and-and ian is gettin' me in with his shrink to-to work this shit out like you said-"

"-and that's great, and i'm very proud of you." you say sincerely. his heart swells at the praise. "but that doesn't take back what you did."

lip feels like he could scream. furious at himself. "you wanna make it up to me? prove to me your sorry. prove to me you didn't mean what you said, and you're gonna be a good dad." you look down at his closed fist with the ring inside. "show me why i should marry you, because right now... i don't want to."

it's mean. it's cruel. it's harsh. but it's exactly what lip needed to hear. he worked double time, swallowing his pride and going to the "damn shrink" to figure out why he had control issues, why he coped the way he did (shocker: the majority of it was neglect from his parents, i know we're allllll surprised). he worked hard to prove that he wanted to be there for you, for the baby, and he did. he really did.

and he worked even harder to treat you the way you deserved. to show you that he loved you, and he really did. he spoiled you, the ways he could. home-cooked meals in your tiny apartment, baby proofing it, going to your birthing classes and every appointment. he would take you out on dates- real dates. hold your hand in the grocery, sweet kisses in the kitchen, let you use him as your own personal pregnancy pillow at night (when he finally got to sleep back in the bed with you).

lip was a good dad. you knew he would be. you knew from the moment the doctor told you it was a boy, his eyes shining with tears he refused to shed. something flipped in him. he'd been trying hard regardless but then, it felt real for both of you. lip didn't want to be frank, nothing like him. he upped his meetings with his sponsor, with his counselor and shrink. lip worked hard to unlearn years of trauma, to be better for freddie- be better for you. he slipped sometimes, always extra hard on himself when he did, but he was a good dad.

so when he asked you, when freddie was two and you'd grown together in every way- as parents and as a couple. you said yes. you knew he wanted to marry you for you. he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you, he told you that, rambled words while he was on one knee in front of you. you were glad you didn't accept his proposal the first time, truly, because it wouldn't have been nearly as great as this one. it was well worth the wait.

#thebearer #bearblahs #lip gallagher #lip gallagher x reader #lip gallagher x pregnant!reader #dad!lip gallagher x mom!reader #dad!lip gallagher #freddie gallagher #shameless #shamless us #lip gallagher fluff #lip gallagher imagine #lip gallagher angst #lip gallagher blurb #thebearerblurbs

[trentsixtysix]

Stockholm Syndrome

Summary: After a relationship going on for years, you find yourself unable to leave when everything suddenly changes and Trent isn’t the same man you fell in love with.

WARNINGS: This (short) series will contain Angst and (light) Smut. Unhealthy relationship (please don’t read if this will affect you), Mentions of loss, Toxic Trent, D-head Trent, cliche.

Author’s Note: This specific chapter will be more upsetting than anything I’ve written before and will mention loss. If you know you’re not going to be comfortable reading please don’t <3

Word Count: 6.8k

Chapter 4 (final)

Chapter 3 here

————-

'I can't do it.' You plainly said, breaking the silence as you tossed the bearer of bad news on the floor, looking up to your fiancé to see his reaction.

He didn’t say anything, just widening his eyes as he couldn’t make sense of what was happening, as soon as he heard your theory he was filled with excitement, imagining a new future for the two of you; but now that it was proved true, he was heartbroken to see how against it you were.

You needed him to speak, the suspense was killing you and you longed for him to talk to you, you needed him to support you right now and needed to know what was going on inside his head.

‘Why?’ He asked, calmly but the disappointment was evident on his face.

‘I just can’t do it T.’ You told him, voice cracking.

'But why? We're adults… we're engaged for fuck's sake.' He reminded you, picking the stick back up to observe the 2 positive lines on it, comparing it to the digital one which told you guys you were over 2 weeks along.

'What are you not understanding? I don't want a child right now.' You explained, overwhelmed as you needed him to understand.

'Y/n, you're not alone in this.' He tried convincing you, taking your hands and placing kisses all over them, but him doing so just made you feel worse, causing you to sob harder.

'But I am, I can't do this by myself, not with work either.'

'Work? You're far too involved in that job.' 'And you're not doing it yourself, I'm right here.' He said.

'Who are you lying to? You're always away Trent.' You sighed, aware he wouldn't agree, crying harder in frustration.

'We can do this, this is exactly what we need.' He begged, positioning your head up to look him in the eyes.

'No, no I can't. I don't want this Trent.' You sobbed.

'Don't say that, please don't talk like that.' He said, a sob escaping him too.

You just didn't understand how this was possible, sure your periods were irregular but you took your pill all the time and on time, you just couldn't believe that out of all people this was happening to you.

Thoughts of ending the pregnancy came to you many times; neither of you were ready to raise a child, but every time you thought about it you just couldn't bring yourself to do it. There was no way you could go through with it and even though you knew you had every right to, you wouldn't be able to get over it.

Months had passed, and you were seemingly getting over it - you had accepted the fact this was happening and out of your control now so you faced it. Everyday Trent would push you to tell your families, to spread the good news with everyone but you refused to, you figured you'd let them know when you would start showing properly.

Consequently this caused a lot of arguments, with Trent accusing you of not wanting the baby. Of course you didn't. You didn't want it from the start but kept it for his sake - every night you'd ask yourself why? Who was he? You were going to be the one carrying it, taking care of it and seeing it all day, not him. So why were you so keen on doing what he wanted? It drove you mad how often you'd have to defend yourself, 'Of course I want this Trent.' 'That's not what I'm saying Trent.' 'Don't put words in my mouth Trent.'

Everything changed for you guys the day you went for this scan, it was the third and the one for you to get the all clear before you could even think about telling anyone else. Trent put on his biggest smile and proudly showed you off as you both made your way, granting a lot of unwanted looks and attention towards you.

You flinched slightly as the midwife coated your bump with the icy gel, having Trent seated right next to you holding your hand, eagerly looking at the screen to see if he could decipher the gender, even though you all knew it was too early, and he wouldn't be able to.

She went back and forth to try create an image of your womb, content when you could see the shape of the baby appear in front of you. You'd seen it before but you'd never get sick of it, and although it did frighten you for what was to come, you were amazed at how you could carry a life like that.

'Any ideas?' Trent asked, smirk on his face as he tried getting the midwife's opinion on the gender.

'Oh it's too early yet.' She laughed, her expression fading and silence following as she examined the image a bit longer, stepping away for a moment before leaving the room.

'Where are you going?' You asked her, confused as to why she wasn't saying much.

'I'm just going to fetch the doctor, I'll be back.' She explained.

'Everything okay?' Trent questioned.

'Just getting a second opinion that's all.' She nervously smiled, before walking away and leaving you two alone.

'My guess is boy.' Trent told you, kissing your hand.

'Boy? You were so sure it was a girl last night.' You mocked.

'Nah, it's definitely a little boy.' He claimed, making you giggle, interrupted as the doctor was brought in.

'Just gonna have a quick look guys.' She smiled, sitting down to also check, allowing the midwife to leave the room.

'You're 2 months?' She asked, for confirmation.

'8 weeks tomorrow.' You told her, as she nodded.

'Have you been experiencing any cramping?' She continued, and you feared the worst, unsure what she was getting at as you looked to Trent beside you.

'I guess a little?' You answered.

'Well there's no easy away to say this guys..' She began, and as soon as you heard that you knew what it was, zoning out as you didn't want to listen.

You dropped Trent's hand; all you heard was her talking about there being no heartbeat, and after that it was a bunch of nonsense about how they can do more tests, how to deal with it and her being excessively nice.

It wasn’t her fault, she didn’t do anything wrong yet the hatred you felt towards her was unmatched, wanting nothing more to get out of there but she just carried on, telling you what you’d need to expect these next few days as you let Trent sort it out with her.

‘That’s enough.’ You firmly said, startling her as she agreed, leaving the two of you alone.

‘It’ll be okay.’ Trent said, but you didn’t let him finish as you got off the seat, grabbing your coat and bags to go.

‘Can we go now?’ You asked, annoyance evident in your voice whilst he seemed way more hurt than you, just nodding as you got going.

The car journey was filled with complete silence, you didn’t want to talk and neither did he. Not a single tear fell from your face, and there was no reason other than the fact you were still shocked. It didn’t feel as though something as upsetting as this could happen to you, and all you could do was stare at your surroundings and wonder what was real and what wasn't.

Trent on the other hand was a mess. You applauded how he tried holding it together for you though, but this had hurt you more than you’d expected, and you weren’t sure how you went from dreading this pregnancy to being heartbroken over it in such a small amount of time.

He remained normal for you the next few days, but there was still a dreadful eerie vibe around - a vibe that had permanently put you into a bad mood and left you from socialising with the people around you.

Trent had been out late this specific night, and you didn’t even mind as you knew he had a lot on his plate and would only go out once in a while. Not only was he overwhelmed with the loss but with personal criticism he received, and it was late night when you were wrapped up in bed that you felt him slide in next to you after a night out.

You weren’t sure if you could hear him properly; the man next to you sobbing as quiet as he could unaware you were still awake and could hear the whole thing.

‘Trent?’ You hazily called, bringing an instant stop to his weeping.

‘You home now?’ You rhetorically asked, turning over to face him and see him awake.

‘Go back to sleep Y/n.’ He simply advised, shutting his eyes after heavily sighing.

‘What’s up?’ You asked him, and as soon as you said those words he broke down again, prompting you to hold him in your arms a little closer.

‘It doesn’t feel real.’ He admitted, both of you aware what he was talking about.

‘I know..we still have each other.’ You reminded him, planting a kiss on his forehead as he wiped his eyes.

‘But I want my kid too Y/n, I want us and our kid.’ He told you, breaking your heart a little as you found your eyes beginning to tear up.

‘You have me Trent.’ You explained, teary eyed as your voice cracked.

‘Fuck that Y/n. I wanted to be a dad what don’t you understand?’ He groaned, prompting the tears to freely fall from your eyes now.

‘Me too Trent, life is cruel.’ You said, agreeing.

‘There's no point talking to you, you just don't get it.’ He dismissed, enraging you.

‘Of course I do, how can you even say that?’

‘Because you didn’t even want it in the first place. You got exactly what you wanted so don’t cry.’ He slammed, getting up and storming out of the room, leaving you to just lie there and take in what he had said, completely shocked.

You were devastated at his harsh words, feeling your heart break into a million pieces over and over again every time you remembered what he said, unsure how someone you love can accuse you of something so despicable. Sure you didn’t want to be a mother, but you weren’t a monster, you would've loved the child all the same.

It was fair to say the relationship hadn’t been the same ever since. It didn’t matter how well things could’ve been going for you both, in the back of your mind that comment would always stick, always reminding you of what he really thought about you.

——————

How could he replace you like that so quickly? How could he not only betray you in the worst way but make a child with the woman he betrayed you with? After everything you went through?! The worst part was that he encouraged her to keep it, he wanted to be a dad at all costs.

The drive home was excruciatingly painful, and it was fair to say you made many stops and turns just to prolong the journey home, you just couldn’t bear to face him after what she had told you, you’d most definitely do and say something you’d regret; you couldn't let him know that you knew yet, you were gonna keep up this act a little longer until you decided what to do.

You returned home to an empty house, Trent wasn't home yet and you decided you needed to be out for the night. This house was suffocating you - everywhere you turned there was a reminder of either Trent, or your relationship and your stomach churned at how badly he'd hurt you, there was no redemption for him after this and you were done being walked all over.

You: Fancy going out tonight?

Lucy: Of course I do :)

If going out and drowning your sorrows in alcohol was what you needed then you were most certainly going to do that. You couldn't even remember the last time you relaxed and did something with your friends. If Trent was allowed to stay out late and come home drunk every week then why weren't you?

You picked out the tightest dress you could find, and you were sure Trent would have a heart attack if he knew you were going out dressed like that, especially somewhere other men would be. There wasn't anyone you knew to be more possessive and jealous than Trent, you couldn't lie and say you didn't like it because you did. You loved the fact he'd get angry over another male looking at you, it showed you that he cared and how much he wanted you. Looking back now a majority of it was probably just his own insecurities, but regardless, it made you feel good about yourself.

You headed down to the kitchen to refresh yourself before Lucy came over in the taxi to pick you up, stopping in your tracks when you bumped into Trent.

You didn't even realise he was home, gently moving past him before he grabbed your arm playfully.

'No hi or anything?' He chuckled, pulling you in for a kiss as he noticed your dress - you couldn't even show an ounce of the disgust that you had for him, kissing him back as if everything was normal, as if he hadn't gotten another woman pregnant.

'When did you get home?' You asked, trying to sound interested as you heard the taxi pull up outside.

'Just now. Where you going dressed like this?' He observed, his voice light to avoid sounding too confrontational, even though you knew he wasn't happy about your outfit choice at all.

'Out with Lucy. She's outside now so I have to go.' You told him, hurriedly jerking past him to avoid further conversation.

'Are you sure you don't wanna go and change into something else?' He asked, which sounded more like a demand as he looked you up and down.

'I have to go Trent.'

Lucy had a bit too much energy, and the two of you weren't even drunk yet; she was just excited as she hadn't seen her bestfriend in so long, and it had been ages since you had fun like this.

She dragged you to one of the nicest clubs in the city, no doubt managing to get in through one of Tyler's connections, but you were just there to have fun, waltzing over to the bar as soon as you stepped inside.

You made the mistake of not eating something before hand, there was no doubt the amount of alcohol you were about to consume on your empty stomach would be bad for you, but you were thinking of how to have fun in the moment, not caring much for what after had in store for you.

'Is that guy over there looking at you?' Lucy asked, nowhere near as drunk as you even though it had been a few hours into the night now.

'He's cute.' You observed, noticing how he couldn't take his eyes off you, more importantly your body in that dress.

'He's coming over.' Lucy laughed, watching as the tall stud made his way over.

'Your number?' He teasingly said, making you and Lucy both blush.

'Who's asking?' You smirked, noticing he was even better up close.

'Me, is that okay?' He smiled, making you smile back.

'I kinda just want to skip the small talk. Is that okay?' You mocked, staring him down equally as much, catching Lucy off guard next to you.

'I see, is the beautiful lady coming home with me?' He asked you, taking your hand in his as he placed a kiss on it, the rapid effects of the drinks making you laugh like a little school girl.

'She might.' You laughed.

'Ok Y/n, lets go.' Lucy recommended, trying to pull you away.

'No. I wanna stay here.' You affirmed, turning back to the walking art piece in front of you.

'My taxi will be here soon if you make a decision.' The guy added, taking a step back as he left you and Lucy to talk.

'I'll see you soon Luce, I'm gonna head off.' You told her, about to get back to him before she stopped you.

'What are you doing? You're seriously going back with that guy?' She asked, understandably confused.

'Do you know how long it's been since I've had fun?' You giggled, realising she didn't find any of it funny.

'Are you serious? What about Trent?'

'Who cares about Trent? He doesn't care about me.' You slammed, the last thing you needed was to talk about him.

'He's waiting for you at home Y/n, this isn't right.' She tried explaining, cut off by your groans as you didn't care to hear it at all.

'I can't just let you leave with him, come home with me.' She begged.

'Go home Luce, I'll make my own way.' You interrupted, turning to continue your conversation with the mystery man before, interlocking your arms as you exited the club with him.

------

It seemed so right in the moment, all thoughts of Trent vanished as he hurried to unlock his house door, the pair of you rushing inside as he had you pinned against the wall, making out without a care in the world as you didn't wait to take both of your clothes off.

You needed this and you needed it now, the only thing on your mind being your release as he whisked you away to his bedroom, placing you on the bed as he repeatedly kissed all over your body.

'T.' You moaned out, the two of you so drunk you didn't even realise, nor did he really care, just craving the same thing as you right now.

He kissed you lower and lower until he eventually made you finish multiple times; was it the best you'd ever had? No. Did it satisfy you and do the job? Absolutely. Trent was the only person you’d ever slept with up until now, and sex with him was on a whole other level compared to the shit show taking place right now.

At this rate you were just yearning for him to get it over with and fuck you so he could receive the same satisfaction. The actress skills you didn't even know you had coming out as you excessively moaned his praises, something you never had to do before with Trent.

Trent.

What were you even doing? How could you stoop as low as him? You looked around and couldn't believe how far you had taken this, pushing the guy off of you at once as you sat at the side of the bed, head in your hands as you tried to catch your breath.

'Everything okay?' He asked, stopping to sit beside you as he covered you up with the blanket.

'No. No its not.' You answered.

'Was it me? Did I do something wrong?' He checked.

'You're fine. You didn't do anything it's me.' You told him, not even realising you were tearing up as he awkwardly watched you, certain this was something he'd never encountered before.

'I'll get you some water.' He offered, whilst you sat there in disbelief, repeatedly looking around the room wondering if that really happened, that you didn't just wickedly imagine the entire thing.

You hazily unlocked your phone to get yourself a taxi, not realising how late it actually was which was an obvious concern for Trent, who had already called you multiple times.

You had to sit there for another 20 minutes, just listening to the guy next to you talk about himself whilst you prayed the taxi would arrive soon, and once it did you jumped to get away from there.

'You not staying the night?' He asked, and you didn't even bother to answer him as you lazily put your dress back on and left.

You wondered the entire journey what would happen when you got home; surely he'd know right? He most definitely would've called Lucy, and know you didn't go back with her, he probably knew you were getting fucked by someone else. You were just as bad as him now, not even Lucy would be able to look at you the same.

You broke down as you approached the door, head hurting badly as a result of the drinking and the bright lights, and as soon as you unlocked it and entered there he was, sat on the chair in the hallway as he anticipated your arrival.

You locked eyes, frightened as you didn't know what to say or do, you fucked up and even though he had fucked up worse, your conscience couldn't help but pin all of the blame on you. It ate you alive how you felt so shitty when you knew he didn't pay any heed to the fact he got someone else pregnant, even encouraging them to keep it for him.

'Where have you been?' He softly asked, as you tried to walk past him, not needing this conversation right now.

He would've been an idiot to not have known - the makeup on your face was ruined, your lipstick smeared and there was a small rip in your dress, but then again it was dark and with how tired you both were it could be easily missable.

'Y/n, where you been?' He asked again, harsher this time as he stood in front of you to stop you from avoiding him.

'Out, clearly.' You said. You couldn't even bear to look at him, not only because what he did disgusted you but because you were equally as disgusted with yourself.

'You're an absolute state. How much have you had to drink?' He asked, a scoff escaping him as he looked you up and down, and you started to wonder if he knew or not.

He just looked at you saddened, and you glared at him for a few moments before he finally let you past, where you made your way to the shower before getting into bed, not even saying another word to him - you just couldn't believe what happened.

He came in soon after and joined you in bed, pulling you close to him to cuddle but you refused. You had to push him away from you, you were in another man's bed not even two hours ago and you felt dirty to be in his arms right now, no matter how much he deserved it.

'Why are you pulling away from me?' He croakily asked, slightly upset as he'd been waiting for you all night.

'I just feel sick, that's all.' You half-lied, turning over to go to sleep. The only thing that made you sick was the way you fucked someone else so easily, that was something only Trent could drop his morals and do, not you.

-------

You hadn't realised how late you slept in until you checked the clock and it was late into the afternoon, a combination of your hangover and how late you went to bed. You were in no condition to do anything productive today.

'Get up.' Said a voice, making you shut your eyes in frustration again as the room became brighter, and after a minute you reassessed to realise it was Lucy, opening the blinds to encourage you to wake up.

'What are you doing here?' You groaned, sitting upright as she sat on the bed next to you.

'You weren't answering any of my messages.'

'Where's Trent?' You asked, ignoring her.

'He let me in, just left for the gym or something.' She explained.

'But I've been worried sick Y/n, what the hell was that last night?' She asked, angrily.

'I wasn't thinking, I'm sorry for leaving like that.' You admitted.

'What happened with the guy? I thought things were going good with Trent.' She wondered, leaving you to explain it all to her.

'I slept with him Luce...I felt like shit after, got a taxi home straight away.' You said, watching her eyes widening.

'Y/n. You know I'd never judge you.'

'But why?' She asked, and in that moment you realised how much you really envied her, envied her relationship and how easy it was for her. You knew she'd never understand, and why would she? Tyler treated her like a queen and would never hurt her like Trent hurt you.

'That girl from all those months ago?' You reminded her.

'Yeah?'

'He got her pregnant Luce.' You sighed, laughing to disguise your hurt, laughing to also disguise your embarrassment, because it was honestly just embarrassing that you were still here, in his bed, in his house.

She spent the next hour comforting you, in disbelief especially upon finding out he asked her to keep it.

'What are you gonna do now?' She asked.

'Well I have my own apartment, I've had it for months.'

'Then things started getting better again so I've not been there since. This is just too much though, I can't stay any longer.' You cried.

'He was heartbroken when I miscarried, he wanted to be a dad so bad, I know that's the reason.' You theorised, and you knew she was a loss for words, who wouldn't be? You were more surprised she wasn't telling you to get the hell out of there, but it was probably because she didn't know what to say, simply holding you until she had to go.

You wished she would've stayed, you couldn't handle being alone when you already felt like the only person on earth, but you couldn't let yourself sit there and dump on her any longer, allowing her to leave you alone for the remainder of the day, at least until Trent came home.

'Y/n?' He called, beckoning you downstairs to join him, in a seemingly good mood.

'You feeling better?' He asked, greeting you with some purple orchids and a kiss, to which you hesitantly reciprocated.

'Much better thanks.' You lied, gracefully accepting his gifts with you knew were out of guilt of what he'd done, and you wouldn't be surprised if he'd just returned from seeing Daisy.

'Why aren't you ready? We've got that thing at my parents remember.' He told you, taking note of how your face dropped.

'Yeah, I'll get to it now.' You smiled, even though you were planning to get away now, just needing an opportunity for him to leave the house, you refused any more confrontation.

So you did what any normal girlfriend would do; you trudged upstairs happily to get ready. Putting on the most appropriate clothing and enough makeup to hide any evidence of the tears which had made you look permanently miserable.

'You smell good.' Observed Trent, startling you as he came up from behind and kissed your neck.

'What perfume is this?' He added, taking in your scent once again.

'You bought it for me, remember?' You said, showing him the bottle.

‘You look beautiful.’ He smirked, kissing your neck.

‘Thank you.’ You shyly said, getting up to leave with him now.

‘We have a few minutes we can spare right?’ He whispered, making you blush.

‘Trent we have to go.’ You said, the affection he was showing you almost fooled you, but was unbearable once you remembered what he did.

‘They won’t mind if we’re a little late.’ He claimed, kissing your neck repeatedly as you tried to gently get him off.

‘I’m not in the mood right now.’ You said, truthfully as you just needed this night over with already.

‘Come on, I don’t remember the last time we properly had sex.’

‘Later, I promise.’

‘You’ve been saying that for ages please.’ He pleaded, his fingers trailing down the strap of your bralette.

‘Get off Trent.’ You said, pushing him off at once, annoyed with him now as you looked at the ground in disgust.

‘What’s your fucking problem? I’ve been trying so hard Y/n. So hard.’

‘My problem?’

‘Yeah. It’s only me that’s trying to make this work.’

‘You got another girl pregnant Trent. How is that trying to make this work?’ You slammed, he never would’ve imagined you knew.

‘You know?’ He asked, quietly.

‘Y-you’re not even gonna deny it?’

‘This entire time I was clinging onto hope that maybe it’s not true. Maybe she’s making it up.’

‘Y/n just listen to me.’

‘We have a dinner to get to.’ You chuckled, walking straight past him.

‘Y/n we have to talk about this.’

‘No. I don’t wanna hear another word, not right now.’

‘How do you expect me to sit there with my mum and dad in front of me without sorting this out first?’

‘That’s exactly what we’re going to do. Just not right now Trent I swear.’ You explained, using all of your power to hold back the tears, not having the strength to go and get ready again.

He tried bringing it up a few more times in the car, but every time he did you turned the radio louder, not needing this now as you already made up your mind, you just had to get this dinner done with.

The atmosphere was too much for you; it was only the four of you; Tyler and Lucy being busy and Trent’s younger brother doing God knows what. You dreaded this as it meant all the attention was on you two now, and it didn’t take long for the conversation to turn to your upcoming wedding.

‘It’s been too long guys, you need to plan it and get it over with.’ Advised his mum, taking into account the two of you had been engaged over a year and still hadn’t seriously planned anything.

A wedding was the last thing on your mind at the moment, and it was looking more and more unlikely as time went along. You let Trent take the lead, it was his parents after all - and you had to contain your laughter upon hearing the lies and fake love he showed you in front of them, especially when he'd repeatedly kiss your cheek, encourage you to put more food in your plate or hold your hand. It repulsed you but you couldn't do a thing.

‘And kids? Tyler and Lucy are aching for one. I told him to marry her first!’ His dad laughed, prompting laughter from you both too, you a little extra as you couldn’t believe the irony.

‘I’m not thinking about kids at the moment.’ You truthfully said.

‘That’s understandable, we want you guys to relax before they come along.’ His mum encouraged.

‘Trent on the other hand is dying for one.’ You told them, shocking them.

‘Really? Trent you’re too immature to be a dad right now.’ His dad joked.

‘Nah he doesn’t think so, I think he’s ready now.’ You added, slowing your words down when you felt a sharp pinch from under the table, realising Trent had gripped your skin tightly to prevent you from saying any more.

You swatted his hands away at once, rubbing over the spot which had now turned red, slightly bloody.

‘I never would’ve guessed you wanted kids right now son.’ Dianne revealed, shocked as she took a sip of her wine.

‘In fact, Trent you have some news for them don’t you?’ You started, interrupted by Trent who cleared his throat.

‘That’s enough Y/n.’

‘What? What is it?’ His mum asked, excitement visible on both of their faces.

‘Oh they’ll find out soon enough Trent, let’s just tell them!’ You smiled, watching him get up as he readied his car keys.

‘Let’s go.’ He ordered, gesturing to the door with anger behind his eyes as he was about to leave.

‘Let her finish Trent, what were you saying darling?’ His dad interjected.

‘You guys are going to be grandparents very soon.’ You finally said, breaking the news to him as Trent groaned heavily.

‘Y/n get up now.’ Trent said, unlocking the car with his keys.

‘Is this true? Y/n you’re pregnant?’ Dianne asked, hope plastered on her face as she held your hand from across the table, and looking over at Trent he knew this was out of his control now, and he knew you’d say whatever it was that you were planning to say.

‘No Dianne, not me.’ You explained, leaving them in confusion, standing up to join Trent as you were about to leave.

‘Get in the car now Y/n.’ He snapped, throwing his keys at the table with full force, startling the three of you.

‘What’s going on son? Why are you talking to her like that?’ His dad asked.

‘I don’t understand? Are you pregnant or not?’ They questioned, standing up too as they saw how Trent tried getting you out of there.

‘He got someone else pregnant, not me. Tell them Trent.’ You muttered, voice breaking as you really realised the extent of what he had done, eyes tearing up as you had to process it all over again.

You left all of them silent, his mother most obviously affected as she approached you to hold you close. You couldn’t bear to see how upset she looked either, and his dad just looked at him with disgust.

‘Is this true?’ His mum stuttered, tearing up herself as she surely didn’t believe her son could do something like that.

‘It’s none of your business mum.’ He said, hands in a fist as he avoided eye contact with all of you, and you decided it was all too much, running out to the car to go and sit, needing to get away from this as Trent rushed behind you.

You could hear his parents telling him to stop, telling him to leave you alone as he followed you to the car, getting into the driver’s seat and starting the car.

He didn’t scream at you, he didn’t even talk to you. Just silence as he drove you both home. Surely he’d tell you to leave for good now? This was surely past what both of you could handle. You weren’t even thinking of how you could attempt to work this out; there was no way. You wouldn’t even attempt it and put yourself through hell again.

Even entering your once love filled home felt like a punishment for you now. This place was like a prison where you were trapped with unhappy memories instead of the millions of happy ones you shared. The miserable moments outweighed the happy times altogether, you needed to go.

You weren’t sure where he was, nor did you really care - taking your time to grab a duffel bag and sloppily fill it with your necessary belongings as you prepared to leave. You didn’t bother to take the other things, just filling it up with things you’d need that night because surely you weren’t staying here any longer.

‘How did you find out?’ He asked, just watching as you paced around the room gathering your things, not even bothering to stop you, he knew there was nothing to keep you from going now, and if he wanted to have this conversation then you were going to have this conversation.

‘I saw the messages.’ You calmly said, before going on to explain your meet-up in the coffee shop just yesterday morning.

‘I'm sorry.’ He announced, surprising you as you'd think he'd be more angry at you.

‘You asked her to keep it? Why?’ You questioned, ignoring his attempt at an apology.

‘It doesn’t matter, what’s happened has happened.’

‘For once Trent, just answer my fucking question properly!’ You begged, tears pouring down your face at this point whilst he guiltily watched.

‘No matter how much time has passed I just can’t get over it. I can’t get over our kid.’ He revealed, confirming your suspicions, making you fall to the floor in exhaustion, so broken at what he had said as he tried to calm you down.

‘So you felt the need to replace me? Because I couldn't give you a kid?’ You wondered.

‘I could never replace you Y/n. It was a mistake. It will always be you.’

‘How many mistakes are you going to make? I’m leaving. I’ll make sure of it this time.’ You promised, continuing to pack your bags.

‘I’ll leave her Y/n, I’ll never see her again. Just please don’t leave.’ He begged, getting on his knees to hug your waist.

‘You need to be with your child Trent, you signed up for this the second you fucked her.’

‘And I will, I’m not asking you to play mum or anything, just don’t leave.’ He whispered, ironically kissing your belly repeatedly, before you finally had enough and got him off of you.

‘There’s no way I can stay with you after this.’

‘Don’t make me choose between you and my kid.’ He said, which is when you really took into account he was to be a father soon, what were you still doing even talking to him?

‘I’m not. I’ve already made my mind up, I won’t stand in your way.’

‘Don’t. We can work this out I swear.’ He told you, grabbing you to prevent you from leaving.

‘We’ve been trying to work this out for over a year. I can’t do it anymore. I’m tired baby.’ You cried, allowing him to take you into his arms as you didn’t have the energy to continue to fight.

‘It’s always been me and you, we’ll get through this.’ He encouraged.

‘No. And you’ll never forgive me either.’ You muttered, leaving him bewildered.

‘What do you mean?’

You sighed before opening your mouth to tell him, wondering if it was even worth it at this point but it was so messed up you had nothing more to lose.

‘I slept with someone else Trent.’ You disclosed, not expecting him to take his hands off of you, taking a step back as he looked you up and down.

‘I went home with him and I let him fuck me.’

You couldn’t believe his reaction. All the shit he put you through and he had the nerve to react in this way? To look at you like you were the most disgusting person alive?

‘When was this?’

‘Last night.. when I came home late.’ You revealed, examining his face and not understanding why he was especially so hurt at this when he’d done all of it and more to you.

‘This isn’t you.’ He said, shaking his head.

‘This is me Trent.’

‘No. Since when were you a whore?’ He retorted.

‘So when I do it I’m a whore?’

‘I’m the only guy that’s ever fucked you.’ He observed.

‘Not anymore.’

‘It’s like we’re completely different people.’ He scoffed, still in shock at your confession.

‘Because we’re not 18 anymore.’ You reminded him.

‘Let’s be honest with ourselves, I never would’ve been able to leave on my own.’ You claimed.

‘I can’t even look at you.’ He replied, as you tried not to laugh, not sure how someone could be so hypocritical.

‘Just look how disgusted you are, at least this way you’ll let me leave.’ You said, revealing your reasoning for why you did what you did.

'Now you know how it feels, now you know how bad it hurt.’

‘My taxi’s gonna be here soon.’ You added, breaking the silence as he nodded, still frozen and struggling to understand what was happening.

‘Where are you gonna go?’ He wondered.

‘I have a place.’ You calmly told him.

‘What about the rest of your stuff?’ He solemnly asked, a tear falling to the floor as he had accepted you were gonna leave regardless now.

‘I’ll be back soon to get it. It’ll be like I was never here.’

‘But I don’t want that. I don’t want to forget you.’

‘It’s best if you do T. You’re gonna be a dad now, you need to be the best dad you can be.’ You encouraged.

‘I Will. I promise I Will Y/n, I’ll be the best dad I can be.’

‘..For our little one too.’ He promised, making you choke back a sob as he kissed you.

‘Do you love me?’ He asked, whilst you cried into his neck.

‘What type of question is that?’ You asked, as he waited for you to answer it.

'Yes, yes of course I do.'

‘Because you’re the only woman I’ve ever loved. Probably the one woman I’ll ever love.’ He admit.

‘If you love me then you need to let me be happy, you know we’re miserable together.’ You stated, noticing your taxi pull up outside.

‘I’m sorry Y/n.’

‘I know you are.’

‘Don’t forget how much I love you.’

‘I couldn’t if I tried.’ You smiled, breaking the hug as you realised you had to go, for good this time as you both stared at each other a little longer, pulling away and turning to leave as you knew you couldn't be coerced into forgiving him once again.

—————

And just like that you left, you made your way to your new home just outside of the city.

The first thing you did when you got in there was block his number. And upon scrolling through your contact list you realised you had to free himself properly, even if that meant cutting off all contact with his parents, his brothers, and even Lucy.

At the end of the day you knew how strong the hold he had over you was, and as difficult as it was you knew you needed to get away, not allowing yourself to be tempted by anyone who may direct you towards him again.

He was poison for you but he was also your ailment. Months has passed and there still hadn’t been any contact. You refrained from searching him up and he was blocked on all platforms.

You imagined he had his child by now, that he had taken the baby to its first game at Anfield. You imagined how proud he’d look showing him off to all of his teammates whilst he did a lap around the pitch with him the next time they won anything grand.

This was his new life without you now, and you knew he’d be coping just fine. You knew from the beginning he could replace you with a click of his fingers. You on the other hand couldn’t get him out of your head no matter how hard you tried. How could you? The guy was the only thing you knew, the only man who had ever shown you you were worth something, and you truly believed you'd be brought back to him again one day, until then swearing off of anyone else until the time was right for the two of you to meet when you weren't flawed anymore..

#football imagines #football fluff #footballer x reader #trent alexander arnold angst #trent alexander arnold fluff #trent alexander arnold imagine #trent alexander arnold imagines #trent alexander arnold x reader #trent imagine #england x reader #england imagines

[motherofplatypus]

We've waited...5 fucking seasons...for Lila to be exposed...and...she...did...NOT...face...any...fucking...CONSEQUENCES?!!

"But she got expel—"

So fucking what?! She left on her free will! No calling the parent, no lecture from the teacer, no disappointed comments from the class, NOTHING! She left without facing any of those and she left proudly! That's the same as having a criminal found guilty and the judge said "You're guilty but we're not gonna punish you. You can go now."

Then that fucking owl guy. Spineless coward and a sorry excuse of a man, I've seen worms with more backbone than he ever did. He's been nothing but useless and pathetic, and he's still got the honor to be called a super principal?

And THEN the fucking audacity that Bustier had to say that they owe Mari an apology for not believing her. You sorry excuse of a woman, all of you, especially you Bustier, owe her more than that. You all bow down and kiss Lila's feet without a second thought and bend over for her when she's barely even a month old with you, while Mari who have done every good deeds for you got thrown to the side like trash. And fucking Mari accepted that apology without as little as a tantrum? Fuck off with the whole perfect protagonist, i want a fucking humane protagonist that reacted like a fucking human!

Just...fuck, guys, really? Where's our satisfaction? Where's our reward for waiting for the bad guy to get exposed? Where's the justice? Where's the one fucking thing that make a good show worth watching?

This is no longer an insult to our intelligence nor our patience. Its an insult to us as a viewer. An insult bcs we still watching their show.

The writers fucking hate us. They're toying with us. They're insulting us. They refuse to give us our reward for keeping up with them. They see us as nothing more than plaything that give them money. They see us as people they can make profit by mocking us.

Fuck them. Fuck thomas. Fuck the writers. Fuck season 5.

Man, haven't curse that much.

And no, im not done yet. I wanna say im done, but im not. Not until the finale. Not until i finally can vent out my biggest anger. Because as much as i could say it now, i still respect you who doesn't want to be spoiled. Just a heads up, the fury in this post is nowhere near half of the fury i had in the finale. See you all soon.

#i want thomas and the writers to be banned from getting involved in any production ever again #miraculous #miraculous ladybug #miraculous lb #mlb #miraculous salt #mlb salt #ml salt #ml writers salt #ml fandom salt #thomas astruc #thomas astruc salt #ml season 5 salt #miraculous confrontation #miraculous confrontation salt

[wovenstarlight]

man the credit card is a metaphor.... I keep fucking thinking about them.... like ok let me actually put my thoughts down about this whole scene. starting with the intro:

[SHJ] placed a card next to the cocktail glass. A black credit card. “The old one would have become unusable.”

the old relationship, at least from shj's side towards hyj, is no longer workable, he wants things to change, which is what this whole convo is about. and hyj doesn't accept the card (the proposal) immediately because he's still wary towards shj, still keeping him at a distance. for good reason! this whole time shj has been overbearing and threatening and pushy and just Weird. it's no wonder hyj has been 3 seconds from the pepper spray

“[…] just why would you do that?” “Because I want to.” That simple answer left me speechless. It wasn’t for my sake, but just because he wanted to. How typical of that guy. I didn’t have to feel pressured after all.

what does it say that shj is like I'll make things nice and comfortable for you and you'll be safe and relaxed!!!! but what actually makes hyj at ease regarding the entire proposal is shj acting like he doesn't really care and it's not that deep. this whole time shj's been way too interested in hyj and it's been putting hyj off but what makes him chill is shj taking an emotional step back by chalking everything he's doing up to idle whims. the monetary support as a more distant, more acceptable form of interaction compared to the offputting hyperfocus (the same kind of monetary support hyj refused from prereg hyh! because in that case he wanted the overwhelming emotion and connection, but that's not something he trusts shj with, not yet)

“Since this was a show of your sincerity, Seseong Guild Leader-nim, I’ll keep it for emergency use.”

not to read too deeply into this but Emergency Use... despite rejecting shj's guardianship proposal after this conversation he does choose to rely on him when he most needs support.... and shj comes through.... thinking of all the times in VR dungeon arc when hyjs stressed out or tired or lost and shj helps him over and over.... but that's a whole separate post let's move on

I picked up the card beside the glass. I didn’t intend on using it as carelessly as I had before.

AND FINALLY HE TAKES THE CARD... accepting that their relationship is shifting from the strict "we're using each other" of before to something more caring and thoughtful... an active choice to rely on shj to be more than just a useful tool.... a Skill, if you will....

GOD. AND WHAT GETS ME. IS THAT AFTER THIS SCENE. WHEN YOOJIN LEAVES AND MEETS BACK UP WITH YOOHYUN. HE SAYS.

“You seem… happy.”

YOU SEEM HAPPYYYYYYY

also. not related to the card but this is also such a fucking paragraph ↓

I rose from my chair and held out a hand. Sung Hyunjae took my hand—he didn’t lean on it, but still took it and stood up.

GOD. hyj being able to stand on his own. shj also being able to stand on his own which is what makes hyj open up more to him because shj doesn't depend on him to stand tall. because he can take care of himself. but also because he'll take hyj's hand anyway and stay at his side, a choice on his own part, because—as he says—he wants to. if I had to pick a quote for jinjae as a relationship it would be this. [insanely] I'm normal about these two

#star.txt #my sranks #jinjae #suffixing this with the fact that it is very far past my bedtime so if this is indecipherable #then [smiles] not to me #should i make an analysis tag...? a liveblog tag? i don't know what this falls under #nsglb #i guess a non-translation liveblog tag will do for now #han yoojin #sung hyunjae

[cookies-over-yonder]

"... In that moment, you, and Taylor, and Nick all realize that there is no fixing this. That this is as good as it's going to get. That you are all stuck with each other in the forms that you are now. You see daddy magic—that same daddy magic that exited Ron and Terry's body, emanate from their bodies like a fine mist, coalesce into the air, and then zip into the jar and fill it up a little bit more because that's what your relationship is."

The Close Family and Closure: An Analysis and Breakdown of Taylor's Issues in Hell or High Father

...and the way he addresses and, in Taylor fashion, downplays the problem, and denies its lack of solution.

(I have transcribed the majority of this scene, and below the cut is my line-by-line breakdown and analysis, as well as some other tid-bits.)

hello! ever since i got into dndads, taylor has been my favourite. i found his extreme escapism and dumb confidence fascinating, and as you may know, i love finding scenarios for him to break. it's, like, at least half of my fics at this point.

this episode is my favourite episode, it broke me, and it pieced me back together but Wrong in all the right ways.

this analysis is focusing on the taylor of it all. the motivation behind his words and the changes in his cadence and the denial that still, despite everything, refuses to fade.

i've never written an analysis post structured like this, so do let me know if you like it. i just... i really love taylor.

okay, let's go!

1. "Well...''

Nicky: … I didn't see a lot of Taylor's growing up and that was—that was fi—like we're cool now right, Taylor? Taylor: Fuck yeah dawg— Nicky: See?

to start off, taylor's instinctive answer is to agree with nicky. because well, yeah, they're chill now, that's true, so of course the first thing he does is agree. and i gotta say that i was expecting taylor to leave it at that, because he's not one to dig deeper when he doesn't need to, and even when he does.

Taylor: Well…

taylor says this immediately after his first answer and oh ny god i got SO excited. but this ain't about me. anyway. taylor finally admitting that they're actually not 100% cool is such a big fucking step argh i am so proud of him forever and also so sad for him forever...

Nicky: What? Look, I'm back now, and I'm super tight, and we hang out, and we can do samurai shit together, and we're fuckin'—we're tight as fuck.

this part makes me so sad because nicky is so ignorant to how his absence has affected taylor despite his frustrations at glenn for not being there. and also, this sort of reasoning would have worked on convincing taylor back in early season two. in fact, it did!

[Season 2 Episode 10: Dad Me To Hell]

taylor is completely satisfied with this reason because it feeds into his main character syndrome. his dad left to protect him. what better reason is there? and now he's back and there and able to do cool shit with him, so everything is perfect, right?

but the next thing taylor says is so fucking heartbreaking:

Taylor: If I'm gonna be honest, Dad, I've kinda been hoping and keeping an eye out for time travel magic so that we could go back in time, and you could be there for me.

the way he trails off as he says it, and he loses his confidence in his words... it shows an unfamiliar shyness. we've never seen taylor be this vulnerable before. and to think that he'd been holding out hope for time travel magic to fix his childhood? that perfectly aligns with the idea that taylor is so stuck in his anime escapist fantasy that he can't accept what's real. and magic is real, so therefore he must be able to fix his past, right? it's not impossible for there to be time travel (see. end of season 1 + see. attack on titanic.) but taylor doesn't realize that this is something that can't be fixed so easily, even if that magic were available. he doesn't believe that this can't be fixed. more on this later.

Nicky: [grunts and falls] Uh… um… I didn't know you felt that way. Taylor: Yeah, you know, it's just, when I was practicing my jutsus I could have used some pointers. Nicky: Yeah, but like— Taylor: As a result, I've developed a number of very bad habits that I'm told are very hard to break. And, you know, just watching YouTube videos is not the same as having a dad who can fight.

in the past, taylor has used anime to cope with his absent father, and he relied on the fictional characters to bring him the same comfort a father might bring (this was mentioned by freddie in one of the teen talks and while i've been relistening i've yet to find it. do forgive me as i am merely mortal) while this isn't directly referring to that, i still feel it's worth mentioning, as taylor is confronting his own unhealthy coping mechanism and acknowledging that no, youtube videos aren't a replacement for a dad. he couldn't fill the absence of a father with anything else in his life no matter how hard he tried.

also, taylor is smart. he knows that he has unhealthy coping mechanisms or "bad habits" that he can't break and he knows that they're caused by nicky's absence. i just wonder how long he's been stewing over that, you know?

as shown earlier, when taylor first met nicky and found out why he wasn't there, he accepted it immediately, knowing it was the coolest reason for a father to be absent and only fueled his protagonism.

but now, taylor's confronting his own issues surrounding nicky, and explicitly addressing them to nicky.

*wipes a tear*

i'm so proud of him.

Nicky: Wha—I mean, if it's training you want, we can train you, and like, you see your grandpa there— Taylor: [sighs] It's too late. I needed to start when I was three to five years old like true ninja warriors.

there is something so cutting about the way taylor says it's too late. he's talking about training to be a ninja warrior on the surface, yes, but that's not it.

it's too late. it's too late for nicky to witness his upbringing. it's too late for taylor to grow up with a loving father figure. it's too late.

and taylor knows that, and he's saying it, but he's still masking it with it being about training to become a ninja when in reality it's so much more.

this is just one example of the way he downplays the issue. he zeroes in on just one aspect of his life that nicky wasn't a part of, and speaks as if it's the main issue, when really it's only the tip of the iceberg, so to speak.

Nicky: Oh, well, I mean— Taylor: So I'm already trying to play catch-up a little bit, but you know, I guess it's water under the bridge. But you know, if there is time travel magic, then you know, maybe, or if you find it, you could maybe… pick me up on the way back… to the past, and you know maybe we could do childhood all over again.

taylor is playing catch-up with training, but he's also playing catch-up with having a father in his life.

and again, he downplays it, says it's water under the bridge, when it's so very clear how deeply this has been affecting him his entire life.

and to top it all off, he brings up time travel again. and the way he says this is so un-taylorlike it's jarring. the uncertainty of the maybes, the trailing off, the voice so quiet you almost can't hear it...

he thinks there's still a chance to redo it and fix things, but i feel that deep down he knows it's impossible, that it doesn't work like that, and yet he's still grasping at straws to try and make things better.

it's... it's really sad. i feel really sad for him.

and the way he says he wants to redo childhood. as opposed to only talking about training, here he actually says he wants to do childhood all over again, and it's so, so quiet. and taylor is never shy. it's so clear how badly he's hurting over this.

god. okay.

2. "I didn't even know where you were."

Glenn: So we're cool. Nicky: So, we're cool. Glenn: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nicky: We're just three cool guys. Taylor: Well…

i love how taylor isn't backing down on the fact that nicky fucked him up. like the gates are open and they can't close back up that easily. he's not accepting them just being three cool guys.

Taylor: Well, I'm just saying—you know, I could have, y'know—not to put too fine a point on it, but Dad, I would have appreciated if, you know… I didn't even know where you were. I 23&me-d my ass, and they sent me a picture of fire, and the cops showed up! There was a white van parked outside of our house for three years!

again, i really notice the change in the way taylor speaks, he's more unsure, quieter, and uses more filler words (such as "y'know"), and it feels as if he feels bad about making nicky confront his faults as a father but he's pushing through it anyway, because he has to.

and i absolutely love the throwback to episode ONE with the 23&me test! like this had been brewing from the start! i just think it's fantastic for it all to build up to this. like yeah. taylor didn't know WHO nicky was or WHERE nicky was and trying to figure it out only led to more danger for him.

Nicky: [gets on one knee and puts his hand on Taylor's shoulder] I guess I never got to properly apologize to you, did I?

Taylor: Well, an apology won't really turn back time, and I don't know how I feel—I would rather have the time travel magic.

this is so cutting. like, yeah, an apology won't cut it, and taylor immediately circles back to time travel magic, as if it could fix what's broken when it really, really can't.

i also find the trend of time when it comes to the close boys to be very fascinating. glenn got locked up in time prison, nicky's childhood was split into two timelines, and taylor thinks time travel can fix his broken relationship with his father?

god damn.

Nicky: Well, I didn't even get to explain—I was in Hell. I was worried that these fuckers [pointing at the other kiddads]— Taylor: Yeah, those fuckers. Nicky: —would have chased after me if I'd gotten out of hell. Taylor: So you're telling me that these fuckers kept you away from me all these years? Nicky: Yeah, you know what? It was these motherfuckers! They are the reason I didn't get to spend time with you because they betrayed me! Taylor: That makes sense; I just saw the memory! Yeah, yeah!

thinking about how taylor immediately agrees with nicky in blaming the others for his absence, because, well, yeah, shit's complicated and they are definitely part of the reason, but the fact that taylor is so on board of whole heartedly blaming them after chewing into his dad about not being there is just so sad. like yeah, of course he doesn't want to be upset at nicky. and it hurts so much that he is.

god.

oh my god.

okay, now, i didn't transcribe the entirety of taylor's memory, i actually summarized it and quoted some key aspects of it, so here:

Taylor's first belt ceremony. He's performing, and he finishes, and he bows, and he looks up. His mom is there. He's sniffling a bit and Cass asks him if he's okay and comments on how he moved all the way up to green belt, and he says he knows. He looks over to the kid who was supposed to get green belt but didn't because of him. The kid is whining, and then his dad comes in and gives him a big hug and—

"It's okay son, I saw how hard you worked, and in my eyes, you're a black belt. Come on, let's get ice cream."

The kid says thanks and they hug and then they leave and Taylor watches them leaving through the window and sees the child and father and mother smiling together. Taylor looks down at and then throws away his green belt.

"I think I'm done with karate."

Taylor gets kicked out.

that line that the father said to his child really hit me, because taylor never heard nicky say that to him. ever. and that was all that he wanted, really. like, "i saw how hard you worked," as in, i was there, watching you, practicing with you, supporting you, i saw you, i see you, i'm here, i'm here with you. and "in my eyes, you're a black belt," in my eyes, you've worked so hard, in my eyes, you deserve more than what you got, in my eyes, you're strong, in my eyes, you're capable.

things nicky never saw, and things nicky never told him.

and then, well, taylor quits.

a memory defining taylor's relationship with nicky. a memory where he wasn't there. a memory where he didn't see taylor's growth. a memory where taylor gave up on an ambition. a memory of absence.

anyways.

Nicky: I'm really sorry— Taylor: I'm kind of sensing a pattern here to be honest. Nicky: Yeah, I'm thinking that maybe the things that your granddad did, I do now. I'm thinking maybe I fucked up in the exact same way… Taylor: [lays a hand on Nicky] I think you fucked up in the same way too. Nicky: Okay. Well that's good. That's good for us.

god. oh my god. the fuckign pattern. i'm so sorry this part makes me lose my coherency all i can think of is how sad it makes me idk idk guys im sorry. you get it. taylor saying yeah you fucked up in the same way and nicky learning that and accepting it. oh my fucking god. like. i dont know theres something about the acceptance of it that really gets me. at the start of the conversation nicky denied it, and here he is, after seeing a memory of taylor doing something he wasn't there for, and now he's like yeah, yeah. i did fuck up royally.

3. "...there is no fixing this."

Glenn: What if we started over? What if we tried to kinda give it a little bit of a reset, and try and make some new memories together, as this sort of team of three? What do you think about that? Is it stupid? I dunno.

Nicky: What kinda memories are you talking about?

Glenn: Well I was thinking we all go to Disneyland, the happiest place on earth, and start everything off on the right foot! It's been so long since I've been to Disneyland, and, I dunno, let me show you all the secrets. Let me show you all the hidden Mickeys. I never got to show Taylor how to get over nine-hundred-thousand points on the Buzz Lightyear ride. And you! Nick, I never showed you the secret entrance into Club 33 that only I know about, and it requires you to go through the sewers a little bit.

I mean, what do you say? Maybe we can do something about this whole fucked up Close family. Maybe we could bring it on back a little bit. What do you guys think?

Nicky: Yeah, sure, yeah I mean, I like Disneyland as much as the next guy. What do you think Taylor?

Taylor: What's Disneyland? I don't understand, what's Disneyland?

now listen, i know that taylor not knowing what disneyland is was just because of the whole doodlerized world thing, but i feel like it also really highlights the disconnect here. like, glenn wasn't around much in nick's life but they knew each other and yes glenn went to disneyland without nick a lot and yes nick liked universal better and if i got into their relationship it would take far too long and i don't feel particularly equipped to tackle that which is why i'm focusing on taylor, but i think that taylor asking what disneyland is highlights the disconnect between him and nicky. nicky and glenn are talking about something that taylor is completely lost on, and to me it really shows the disconnect between all of them. first off, nicky likes universal studios better than disney, second of all, taylor doesn't even know what disneyland is. they grew up in different realms, and they grew up around different people, and nicky was never there, which means there's so much taylor knows that nicky doesn't, and so much nicky knows that taylor doesn't and so much of that knowledge and those experiences can never or will never be shared.

Nicky: Oh yeah, good point, I guess it's on a previously Doodlerized world now with a bunch of really fucked up shit in it.

Glenn: I'm just saying that like—give me a chance. Give me a chance to try and make up for all the—well—you know what? No, no, no, no, no, I can't make up for any of that stuff.

it's true. this solution is like putting icing on top of an overdone cupcake. temporarily sweet but it's still bitter and burnt. (i'm sorry if that doesn't make sense, i don't bake.) but like when you burn something you can't just. un-burn it. sure you can put icing and sprinkles and all the fun stuff and maybe you can wash out the taste but that doesn't change the state of what's underneath.

that's their relationship to me.

Anthony: As you're saying this, without even wanting it to, tears are rolling down your cheeks, and in that moment, you, and Taylor, and Nick all realize that there is no fixing this. That this is as good as it's going to get. That you are all stuck with each other in the forms that you are now. You see daddy magic—that same daddy magic that exited Ron and Terry's body, emanate from their bodies like a fine mist, coalesce into the air, and then zip into the jar and fill it up a little bit more because that's what your relationship is.

ah yes, finally, we reach the end.

this is what their relationship is. it's comprised of missing connections and missed experiences and misplaced memories and absences and longing and searching and finding one another only for it to be too late. it is comprised of absence as opposed to love or hate or anything in between. the nothingness that is absence is their relationship

how depressing.

if i'm honest, i think nicky still has a chance. obviously he can't fix anything with taylor, but i really do hope that he tries to be proactive in taking part in taylor's life from here on out, that is, if taylor even survives this next episode, oooh scary.... hahaha anyways.

i hope everyone enjoyed this essay! i started writing it the day the episode came out but schoolwork kinda took over me.

i wanted to get it out before this episode's teen talk so that's why i finished it tonight, but i may reblog with more thoughts, who knows! we'll see! :3c

i do also encourage you guys to check out my art for this episode specifically inspired by that last anthony quote there.

and of course my thoughts are not the objective truth, i am a mere university student, ignoring my school essays to write one for tumblr <3

bye-bye! <3 :3c

#dungeons and daddies #dndads #dndaddies #hell and high father #dndads analysis #analysis #cookies analyses #cookies rambles <3 #taylor swift dndads #glenn close #nicky foster #nick close #nicholas foster #cookies writes and cookies wrongs

[featherwingfae]

Gonna try to make this a "Quick post".

(warning some light swearing)

Maybe, just maybe one of the reasons we're seeing so many new Therians nowadays is because humans have fucked up the earth so bad that the universe just went fuck it and threw in a bunch of nature brains to balance things out. People who wouldn't just be able to look at the devastation of wildlife and their homes and just move on like nothing happened. Because they can see themselves in those creatures, and it hurts them to know that they are suffering. And maybe if there's enough nature brains, seeing themselves in the withering world around them, then more and more people might stand up and say this isn't right. We need to fix this. And maybe in a human world where one of the most lovely traits of humanity is being able to work together a bunch of nature brains with human faces can make a difference. They say animals can't speak human. Well they can, and are. Maybe Therians are the voices of nature coming out from the wilds, to places and bodies where they're not comfortable, where the air is heavy with pollution and trash litters the ground. And they have to learn weird shit like math, and work exhausting jobs that are often just to pay the bills that allow them to keep surviving. All so that they can see the damage from the other side and better understand the problem and together find solutions to stop it.

I'm not saying humans (and others) can't and/or dont do anything. I'm saying it's harder to do nothing when you look at creatures suffering and see yourself. Empathy is a beautiful thing. It helps connect us. But in a world where almost no one can afford the barest minimum just to survive. Where finding happiness feels like a struggle because you're constantly grinding and pushing yourself beyond your mental, emotional and/or physical boundaries, how easy is it to just shut yourself off. To put on the blinders because you're stuck yourself and you don't feel like there's anything you can do, so why upset yourself further by caring. It's sad. Terribly sad. Soul crushingly, heart wrenchingly sad.

Most people nowadays suffer from anxiety, depression or some other mental illness. And yes those illnesses are more known and understood now, and are more easily diagnosed. But I think the reason we see them everywhere now, is as simple as everyone is suffering. The human world in its current state, is not a healthy place. Fun times are often merely distraction from the crushing reality around us. It hurts to accept how much hurt there is right now.

I'm not saying it's all on the shoulders of Therians. I'm not saying you have to quit your job or your school and run off into the wild picking up every piece of litter and chaining yourself to trees. That's not what this post is about.

This post is about the increase of Therians and my personal hypothesis as to why there's so many now. And it's as simple as this. One Therian does not shoulder all the burden of the earth. Just as one human does not. But if there are Therians in schools, going "hey look at this little/big guy isn't he cute/cool" showing their friends and classmates"it's so sad he's going extinct because his home is being destroyed" , Therians on trails, streets, beaches seeing litter and using just a little bit of their time to remove at least some of it. Therians in stores refusing to buy certain products because of animal cruelty/testing, Therians manifesting/praying to help even if it's just a little bit, Therians on the Internet/TV spreading awareness, Therians in government actually trying to do what's best for the environment and the people, instead of just what's best for their bank account etc etc.

In reference to that horrible math stuff, a million ones together doesn't equal nothing. No matter how small an act it still adds up to something. Therians everywhere means more people who can't forget, who can't move on, who can't just shutdown and hope for the best. People who feel like they have to do something. So they don't eventually see themselves disappear (go extinct).

The universe and the earth can sometimes have a funny way of balancing things out. Maybe Therians are one way to at least try regaining that balance.

I'm overjoyed to see more Therians. Because I feel like more Therians means more voices for nature, and more chances to save this beautiful planet ☺️✨🌍🌎🌏💚

Anyway that's my two cents. Sorry this post ended up being longer than I intended 😅

And now my fascinating and fantastic creatures, great and small, furry, feathered, scaled or whatever-ed, and all others of open mind who took time to read my ramblings, I wish upon you a most glorious day/night. May we all follow our hearts/souls to do what we feel we can for this magnificent planet. ✨

👁️🪽✨🌟🌱❄️🪻🍀🌎🍄🌹💚🌍🌵🌈⛈️🌠🦊🐁💙

Till next time

#nonhuman #nature #otherkin #therian #therianthropy #stop therian hate #alterhuman #alterhuman community #kintypes #Therians For Nature #otherkin thoughts #alterhuman things #faerie kin #fae kin #Fae kin thoughts #Therian love