#but whatever thats like the part of these next 3 or so months that im worried about the least. hes fine

[judeyswife]

not what i’m looking for. — jude bellingham x reader. II

genre : angst

word count : 928

note : hii lovies, this is official part two of the series not what im looking for !!! (part one) please let me know of what yall think in the comments! there will be a part 3 guys so don't worry, but it'll probs be a wrap up for this mini series since i want to get started on some other fics too + made a few format changes and writing from author's pov this time -- but thats it! enjoyyy! requests box always open !!

‏‏‎ ‎ ———————————————————-‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‎

"i'm sorry"

it's horrendous how fast people switch up. or i'd say men, in this case. it's been roughly about six months since that conversation had happened. it was honestly one of the worst days in your whole life. i mean, yeah you'll get through it. but why? every once in a while you think about what did she have that you didn't.

but this is a topic that hasn't been brought up in about a month. and a certain individual isn't mentioned anymore in your life thank the lord.

you have gone to a beach house near where you live with a few of your best friends, layla, jess, and liv. yall needed this vacation after months of torture. or studying.

they've been with you since day one. truthfully you'd say who needs a relationship when you have your homegirls?

"Y/N, come here right fucking now." -- layla screamed from our room in the house.

you could literally think she had been getting murdered with the way she was screaming honestly.

"oh my god what!"

"whats his name posted a fucking video of missing someone LOOK."

who? jude.

you sit next to her curiously taking her phone from her hands in order for you to take a look at the tiktok she was trying to show you.

( for the sake of the story, jude has tiktok xoxo )

you were shocked. who genuinely who would've though that he'd actually miss us? it didn't even sound right thinking about it.

"maybe it's about her layla" you shrugged getting up to grab your water bottle from her desk.

"are you stupid girl, he's obviously thinking about you, i mean look at his caption." - 'didn't think a situationship could hurt more than an actual relationship' don't be a fool y/n"

liv and jess had entered the room a few minutes ago listening to the conversation making liv enter the conversation.

"ain't no way he has the nerve to do that bullshit on social media"

you stood there listening to them diss jude for about 5 minutes straight. but your lost in your thoughts. i mean, why would he ever miss something he supposedly never had? it's genuinely so draining and confusing.

"guys just drop it, its whatever. lets just go hang out at the hot tub, i really fucking need it"

your friends just looked at one another not saying a single word. they knew better. not to make you sound like a maniac or anything, but they knew how you were with bottling up your feelings. jude was a sensitive topic for you. they didn't want to be the cause of ruining your vacation over some dumb tiktok captions. they simply agreed with you and started getting changed to go out the the hot tub.

•

it had been a few hours since you last seen your phone and you're now inside getting ready to have dinner with the girls and settling down. so you took these few moments, unlocked your phone and checked out what you had missed.

you furrowed your eyebrows trying to figure out who this number could possibly belong to. since you and layla are sharing a room for the trip, she was getting ready at her vanity and noticed your confused expression.

"y/n what's up?" -- asking you meanwhile putting a face mask on.

"i don't know, this random number just texted me with my name i'm just hella confused"

"that's weird. ask who it is obviously"

you nodded listening to what she had advised you to do.

you had this conversation silently without saying a word to layla about who this "mystery person" was. mainly because you wanted to fight your own battles. i mean you basically already had jess and liv involved. not that your mad at them or anything, you know they want what's best for you. clearly they're on team jude. those girls.

"who was it?" layla said getting up from her chair to grab her phone from the charger near her bed. "no one important, they got the wrong number and person" you honestly don't know how she believed you. you hate to admit but you were feeling jittery after having that conversation with jude after so long. even if it was barely a conversation.

you hated that you needed to lie to layla, but you truly believed it was honestly for the best. when you and jude were talking, they knew every single detail about the relationship you had with jude. and by they i mean your friends and his friends. always involved. one of the main issues why miscommunication was lacking horribly in your relationship. so that's why you want a new beginning. not just to "lie" to your friends but to feel the sense of control in your life. even if tomorrow was the last conversation you had with jude, you wanted to keep the moment to yourself.

•

without saying a word to anyone, you and jude had been chatting it up all night. just a catch up with each other. you guys went from telling every detail of your day to each other, to not saying a single word for months to each other. it felt nice being able to slowly regain that comfort you once had when you guys would text or facetime all night long.

you were honestly praying for the best in tomorrow's conversation, you had no idea what it could lead up to.

but the overthinking was done on your pillow all night long, plus his texts of course.

#Spotify #jude bellingham blurb #jude bellingham x reader #jude bellingham #jude bellingham fan fic #jude bellingham one shot #bellingham x reader #football x reader #bellingham angst #jude bellingham imagine #jude bellingham angst #footballer x reader #football fanfic #football angst #real madrid #judeyswife

[celebrityfootlicker]

Ben Jordan - Foot story

Ben had been my roommate for 3 months now ever since he moved in he’s been different from the friend I used to have he’s turned into a jerk maybe it was his true colors or he was just putting up a face as my roommate now either way he always demanded things from doing the dishes for him to cleaning his clothes. I had finished up washing my dishes when Ben came into the kitchen “Hey man I got something to talk to you about” nodding you both walk into the living room and sit down “your past roommate talked to me a while ago and told me about some things you used to do like smelling his socks” my face flushed red I hoped this wouldn’t happen having a foot fetish was bad enough but now he’s going to think I’m a creep I try to get a word out but Ben pauses me “I want to make you an offer” I nod confused “from now on your going to do all the chores in the house along with cooking for me and other things I tell you to do”. Thats how it’s been anyway but this seems interesting I agree “Cool along with that im taking ownership of you, seeing how you sneaked every time you sniffed his clothes you probably felt embarrassed well now you don’t have to worry as my pet your going to have my scent on you everyday whenever you walk outside people will know just from a whiff of you that you’re a Bitch”. My cock was throbbing the thought of being a slave to Ben gave me so much pleasure my conscious was screaming at me to say no but every other part of me said yes not able to control myself I nodded again.

“Good then as your first task Faggot go get me a fucking beer” I rush to the fridge and grab a beer bringing it to Ben he chuckles “Good boy, your gonna be a good boy forever for me right?” I nod and Ben looks away smiling he must feel so powerful and all i can do is stand here and observe waiting for my next order. Ben puts his feet on the coffee table wiggling his toes he catches me staring “You wanna lick my feet?” I nod “then beg me” I blink and get on my knees putting my head to the ground I plead for a chance to worship his feet the soft and sweaty feet are the only things I need and want as I pick my head off the ground Ben just looks at me “Fine go ahead make sure I feel amazing while you worship them and thank me for this opportunity” I scoot to the end of the table right in front of Ben’s feet the smell was intoxicating I reached out and touched them the soft yet wet skin was perfect I grasped his foot and began massaging.

“Fuck yeah faggot, lets make this a daily routine for you everyday you spend hm 2 hours at my feet” I quickly agree and continue massaging. After a bit longer I stick my tongue out and lick from the bottom of his heel to the top of his toes, after a few of these licks Ben sticks his big toe into my mouth swirling it around “so warm, suck on it” he demands and I oblige licking all over he moans more and pops his toe from in my mouth “that’s enough for today, sit there and think of a good meal to cook for me tonight” I ask what im supposed to eat “the dirt from my feet wasn’t enough?” I shake my head telling him it was and thank him for the food “whatever faggot that’s all you get anyway now go make me my food”

This new life as Ben’s slave was brutal and constantly tiring but still I wouldn’t change it.

#malefeet #dominated slave #foot domination #ben jordan

[turtleblogatlast]

okay so just so you know, im literally in love with your prison!leo au, yesterday i spent like over an hour scrolling through the tag and i think i read every post at least twice (more for the comics). its combining ‘prison dimension has permanent effect on leo, and not just mentally’, ‘immortality angst’, ‘object or place having a form of sentience’, AND ‘leo is somehow made significantly younger than his brothers which very much changes their dynamic without him wanting it to’ all into one which is just amazing.

i love how you combined comedy and tragedy very well!! like, for example the idea of leo being mistaken for the youngest brother, than a son, then a GRANDSON, is kinda funny for a second, but when you think about it for more than a couple seconds its also. really tragic. this poor kid may never be able to fully grow up - not only is he likely going to outlive his whole family but hes also permanently in the body of a child, lacking a fully developed brain and maybe never having the full maturity of an adult (at least in path b, until hes able to find a ‘cure’, if ever). its just. so good!!

anyways aldjsldkksld enough of the gushing (i mean i could keep doing it for like two thousand more words, but if i did it would probably devolve into keysmashes at some point from the Grip this au has on my brain). i am curious, what would happen if leo got sick? i know you mentioned that things like a common cold wouldnt really affect him that much, but what about one of those sickness is that leaves you pretty delirious/feverish and can take you out in a matter of a week? (could be a type of mystic sickness or curse as well, where you don’t know if the victim will survive or not and the only option is to wait it out.) what would happen? would they sort of just decide that its better to find a way to temporarily kill him so his body could regenerate as new, or would they try to take care of him and see if they could wait it out, since i imagine it would be the only time he’d really let his family take care of him in that way. thats all assuming his body wouldnt just automatically find a way to heal the separate curse and he’d be well again within an hour (still not fully sure as to how his healing works, sorry!)

anyways, love this au and im going to be obsessed with it for the next Month thanks

[ cw: discussion of murder / discussion of mercy kill / risky behavior implied / ]

Omg I’m

So touched???

Thank you for enjoying my AU so much, it really makes me happy to hear this :’) This whole AU was thought up exactly because of my interest in the concepts you mentioned - particularly the one regarding the Prison Dimension having a permanent and visible effect on Leo.

I know I haven’t updated it in a while, but I am still working on it and have even finished drafting the next comic, I can’t say when I’ll finish it but this ask definitely pushed me to work on it more so thank you so much <3

As for your question- it depends! In most regular illnesses, Leo would get over them very quickly, only experiencing the briefest brush with the symptoms before his body throws it away, if that. If the illness is mystic in nature then things get a little more complicated, as you’re right in that it could potentially end up as an endless loop of the first part of whatever weird sickness he gets. So if the illness is something that instantly affects you in the worst ways, and it’s something you just need to ride out until it leaves…that can potentially be harmful. Of course, it needs to be a powerful illness to bypass the prison’s curse to that extent though. …then again, maybe something would prefer that for him, should it appear beneficial :)

As for whether the fam would decide to just…’reset’ Leo to get rid of the illness…that’s a tough one. It really depends on how long Leo’s been back, and even then, it’s not something they’d just do, it’s hard for them to even imagine really. More likely, a sickly Leo would merely try to find a cure himself in his delirium, and end up ‘reset’ along the way.

I hope my wishy washy answer was enough! And really, thank you so much again for the kind words, they mean a lot :’)

#p!l au ask #prison!leo au #murder implication #mercy kill implication / #risky behavior implied / #I swear I’m working on an update! #path A has turned out to be very hard to come up with a solid introductory comic for but I believe I finally got it 👌 #anyway- ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ #I still love my boy and his undead self to death #even if path b kinda makes him very sans Undertale esque at times lolol I swear it wasn’t on purpose

[luvjordie]

Wet. Part one<3

Words: 2.2k

Warnings: Cursing, unedited, lowkey kind of shitty, use of y/n, mentions of breakup, steve being stupid, implied fem reader ( no intended use of feminine pronouns but if i fucked up and did put some in lmk please😭🫶🏾 )

Summary: Dustins older sister comes to visit with her band from Los Angeles, but her and Steve have some major unresolved conflicts

-Hawkins Indiana-

Steve had never really had to face serious consequences to his actions, not really. Growing up the way he did, batting his eyelashes or casually mentioning who his father was always seemed to do the trick for him. But it was never like that with you, which is why for all of today he felt like his heart was about to burst out of his chest.

“Isnt it insane that y/n was able to get this gig? ‘S so awesome!” Dustin was wiggling excitedly in his seat next to Steve on the couch, a bowl of dry Fruit Loops on his lap. Besides him was Will, whilst the young couples sat at their feet.

“Christ, Henderson, try not to explode. ‘S not even live, since Harrington doesnt know how to not pick up extra shifts” Eddie stated from his spot on the recliner chair on the end of the large living space. Still, he sported a large tee-shirt with your band name and picture on it.

Robin had been in the kitchen, getting Gatorades and beers to keep everyone hydrated. Though, the beers were mostly to keep Steve from spontaneous bursting into flames. She was the only one who knew the full extent of how hard this was for him.

“Oh, can it, Edward. Your excited too, their name is on your tit” Dustin said, referring to his shirt and causing Eddie to chortle loudly.

“Shut up guys its starting soon.” Max said from her spot on the floor, taking the bottle of Gatorade Robin offered her. Robin handed Steve his beer as she sat next to him on the couch, before the children, and Eddie, bursted into complaints about the fact that there was an opening act.

Steve nearly sighed in relief. He wasnt really sure he was ready to fast the history you two had. Even if itd been years, and you probably hadnt given him a second thought since high school. Hed been running from watching you preform, but he guesses if he really never wanted to see you again, he wouldve cut off his friendship with Dustin all those years ago, when you and Margo made it big. Thats what Robin told him, and hed been repeating it as though his life had depended on it ever since.

His thoughts were cut off as the speaker on the television introduced your band. ‘Now or never, I guess’ He thought to himself, as you took the microphone.

———————-

-Los Angeles, California. Two weeks earlier-

“You know, Dustin and everyone back home is going to watch this, right?” Margo, your drummer and right hand woman, had been pestering you about this for about a month. Both worried about how youd feel if Steve saw, and if she messed up and Robin Buckley bore witness to her mistakes.

“Im aware, Margs,” You reached for the next highest tuning peg, “But if you couldnt tell, im kinda trying to tune my guitar here.” You smiled up at her, but she could tell you were nervous.

“If it helps, hes kind of a himbo..” She smirked, causing you to erupt with laughter, and you knew she was right. Even if he did realize the meaning behind the songs, what was he to do about it? Not like youd answer whatever texts or calls he might send. But I guess this part wasnt in mind when you bought tickets to visit his best friend, your little brother, for two weeks.

Soon enough, the stage manager made his way into the dressing rooms, informing you it was time to go.

“Show time~” Margo whispered in your ear, poking the bassist, Ajax, in the back with her drumsticks.

“Fucking quit it Margs-“

“No dont be a baby, lets go asshole.”

“Real mature guys, ill be out in a sec” You called out as they left the room. Before you followed behind them, you quickly grabbed your good luck charms. Sunglasses. A black pair of Ray-bans, to be exact. Its been years, and still you couldnt bring yourself to throw them out. They were the last piece of him you had left.

Besides your fifteen year old brother-

It was mere minutes before you were on the stage. The lights hadnt been turned on yet, but you could hear the crowd murmuring in anticipation. You slung your guitar over your shoulder, hands running up and down the neck nervously, though careful not the hit any strings and risk stray sound. It wasnt long before the announcers voice began booming throughout the stadium.

“NOW WELCOMING” you adjusted the guitar again, barely able to hold onto your pick out of sheer nervousness, “THE CRYSTAL GRACE”

Deep breaths, y/n

——————————

-Hawkins Indiana-

“EVERYONE SHUT THE HELL UP ITS STARTING-“ Dustin screeched from his spot on the couch, waking Steve up from his trance. Hed zoned out halfway through the opening act complaints.

Steves eyes widened at the sight of you. He’d obviously seen pictures of you before. Online, on posters and magazines, splayed across Eddies chest, but somehow this was different. There was no photographer telling you how to pose, or paparazzis in your personal space, it was just you and the band. You were in your element.

He watched intently as you grabbed the microphone in front of you.

“Hi,” you chuckled lightly, full of charm and warmth, “Really quick before we get started, on behalf of myself and the band, id like to say thank you. Thank you for listening, enjoying what we do, and for being here tonight. Thank you to everyone at home watching as well, and to everyone who helped make this happen. Thank you to the man I wrote these songs about. In the great words of Kurt Cobain, “Thank you for the tragedy, I needed it for my art” The crowd went fucking wild, to say the least.

Though the thought of you having found someone else to write songs about left Steve with a weird ache in his chest, he was amazed. He never really understood your way with words, the way you knew how to turn words into art. How you always knew what to say, and were never, ever afraid to say it.

“This first one is called Wet.” The room went silent, and the crowd went as quiet as possible in all of the excitement.

———————————-

-Los Angeles-

“All alone in my bedroom, with the lights turned down and the music gone, I know its over still I cling on..” To you, preforming had always felt drastically different than rehearsals. Ever since middle school, when you, Margo, and Robin had gone out for the school plays. Rehearsals were repetitive. You said the same thing over and over until it was perfect. Performing felt more raw.

To you, it was vulnerability. Your innermost thoughts put out to be perceived, mistakes and failures included. Put out into the world for teenage girls to scream their hearts out into. For your first love to hear. For your only love to hear. And you loved it.

“Cause im my own right hand girl, and I dont need anyone but, sometimes i miss your stupid face and your taste and your smoking gun~” On the bear drop, you nodded, hard enough to make the glasses on your head drop down to your face. See, the way you perceived preforming was weird. You wanted him to know.

———————————

-Hawkins-

“Oh my god” Robin murmured under her breath, mesmerized by the performance. Partly because of Margo, partly because of your voice, but mostly because you were wearing Steve Harringtons sunglasses on stage while singing a song about him on television.

Worried about her best friend, Robin looked up at him to see Steve sitting there, brain completely and utterly fried. His eyes were wide, his eyebrows furrowed, and his mouth hung open slightly. He was analyzing the lyrics.

“Its nights like this that remind me of my deepest fantasy. Where im all alone and i feel the cold dark earth caressing me. ‘Cus im six feet under nearly, and i dont need anyone, but this wouldnt be the first or last time that both my tears and I have come!” He watched intently as you pulled your glasses- his glasses- down your face and winked for a brief moment.

“Its so depressing how the tearducts in my eyes, are so much wetter than the space between my thighs. Oh oh oh, I can help it thinking about it only makes me cry, it keeps me wett, you know you keep me wet, till i run dry-y-y”

“Shes awesome” Eddie stated, to no one in particular. Steve knew you were good. Everyone did. Your love for performing was no surprise to any of them.

It wasnt long before that song was over, and the next one began. This time, Margo was doing the announcement. The two of you had always been a sort of package deal in that way. ‘The Dave to my Kurt’ youd tell him. He never really knew what that meant, but he pushed you away before he could ask.

“Watching my show the day i come to visit, huh? Couldnt even spring for watching it yesterday? Yall are fake”

Oh shit-

————————

“NOT COOL HENDERSON JESUS CHRIST,” Eddie clutched his chest rather dramatically, “Youre going to give me a heart attack one of these days.”

“Yeah whatever Munson. Nice shirt.” You smirked at him, before you were bombarded with a hug from Robin. You were practically lifting her off of the ground, she was hugging you so tight.

“Missed you tons Y/n. Tons. Also, by any chance did you happen to, i don’t know this is kind of a shot in the dark, but did you bri-“

“Yes, I brought Margs, Rob, keep it in your pants” Her cheeks went pink, but she played it off like she had to sneeze. This was when you were approached by Dustin, his entourage not far behind him. He had nearly grown to your height. Last time youd seen him, he had to be maybe 11 or 12, and it was hard not to feel guilty about leaving. Dustin had seen you as some sort of higher life form for the majority of his life, and one day you- his fucking hero- just up and left. Sure you went on to make him and Mom proud, but it still really hurt sometimes, you know?

“Hey y/n” His voice cracked, and he quickly cleared his throat so you wouldnt hear it. “Missed you” You could tell he was trying to play it cool. Trying to show you that he grew up and matured just like everyone else, nearly rubbing it in your face that he didnt need you to help raise him. Nearly.

“Come here, asshole”. You pulled the latter into a tight hug, that lasted a few moments. It wasnt until you broke off the hug and said hey to the others that you made eye contact with Steve. He smiled at you, all crooked and adorable like always. It was infuriating.

Nobody ever really tells you how to act when your brothers best friend just happens to be the first man youd ever loved. And to make it even worse, its been four years and hes still the only man youve ever loved.

Unsure of how to act, you gave Steve half of a smile, careful not to give him as much of a reaction as you initially had wanted to, scared that youd slip up in some way. Before either of you could say anything, Margo entered the room loudly, Robin clinging onto her arm.

“So was nobody going to fucking help me?? Jesus, Steve this is Y/n, Y/n this is Steve. Youve met before assholes enough with the longing stares. Come on Harrington I need help with the amps.” Well, at least Margo knew how to dissipate an awkward situation.

————————————————

Steve had no idea how to act around you. After all, what could he say. ‘Sorry for leaving you for your brothers best friends sister, who also happens to be a friend of yours. Hope it didnt make anything awkward for you. We cool?’ Steve just didnt have a way with words like you did. Contrary to popular belief, Steve had a lot going on in that pretty head of his, he either just didnt want to, or genuinely could not voice it.

“What the actual fuck is wrong with you Steve Harrington?”

“Whatd I do this time, Johnson?”

“Come on, really? You know what you did Steve, and so do they.” Margo gestured to you. The girl sure did know how to hold a grudge, but she was well within her rights to be pissed off.

Steve told you he couldnt love you anymore. You knew it was total bullshit and so did Margo.

Steve grabbed the handle of the amplifier, pulling it out of the trunk of Margos car. Sure hed made a choice he was less than proud of, but he wasnt about to grow up and accept the consequences like an adult. Bold of anyone to assume he would.

“Seriously thiygh, Steve. I care about Y/n. Talk this out with them, even if they say they dont want to speak with you or that they dont want to hear it, I promise they do.” Margo stated, being serious for probably the first time since Steve had known her, before walking off with the large guitar case in her hands.

You and Steve had made eye contact as you walked past him, and as hard as he tried to read you, the intense lack of emotion toward him you displayed really hit close to home. Steve nearly stumbled to the ground, the weight of his emotion and fear, and the amp, overwhelming him, but he forced himself forward instead, keeping his gaze ahead of him.

Margo, for once, was right. You guys had to talk it out. That was the only way to find peace in the situation, and maybe even emerge as friends. He knew it was a stretch, but if you were going to be visiting, the boy only had two options. See, and ignore you, as you had been ignoring him, or be a fucking adult and talk with his ex girlfriend about the fact that theyd broken up. And there was no way in hell he was going to let you leave again, feeling unwelcome in your own home for something that was nobodys fault but his own. He couldnt let you, or Dustin, down like that.

A/n: This is kinda crappy but i kinda like it.. the song is Wet by Dazey and the Scouts btw. TY FOR READING🫶🏾 Part two will come out soon enough<333

#steve harrington #steve harrington x reader #Stevie #steve harrington fanfic #fanfiction #henderson!reader #x reader #lovesick!steve harrington

[jovenshires]

Hey, sorry, just had to jump in with a random thought about marathons.

I think part of the issue is that there were five marathons in a row. I think next year, they could still reuse content but break it up a bit. So, for three weeks (pre-Christmas, Christmas, and post-Christmas), their schedule could look something like…

Smosh Pit: Tuesday & Thursday, Saturday

Alternate a new content and a marathon video, and maybe best of Reddit reactions / EIOYI reactions / TNTL

Smosh Games: Wednesday, Friday and Sunday

Alternate new content, a marathon video, and maybe stream highlights

Smosh Cast and Smosh main could record mini-versions for the holidays (Monday / Friday)

I know the content released before Christmas was recorded a long time ago but if they spread it out between the marathon videos, I think it would have been more tolerable.

i could get down with that!! or even like. more reduced than that. if they wanna tone it back i get that. watcher only does two vids a week and i eat em up. and like i said im a danny gonzalez stan and we're lucky if we get a video from him once a month.

i do agree that its too much at once - five in a row oh my god now that you said it im getting fatigued just thinking about it - and i do think a spread-out, alternating schedule would WAY help balance. even if they did a reduced schedule for like december AND january. by all means besties yall deserve the time off.

but i also think. like why a marathon. i could just put on a playlist and have a good ass time if thats what i wanted. honestly i think they'd be better off if they repackaged them as compilations. like "top five most disgusting foods on eioyi 2024" has much more appeal imo. i think we're all just like. "we could do this ourselves whats the point"

but i digress! once again smth smth disclaimer smth smth im glad the smoshcast is getting a break smth smth do whatever you need to do im not a youtuber so what do i know <3

#ask #asks #anon #anonymous

[nerves-nebula]

holy

holdy shit

i have a ton of things i want to say so sorry this gets super rambly lmao talking coherently is hard for some reason

anyway! first of all i wanted to say how much i love your characterization? you create such believable and complex characters in a way that i havent really seen before, much less in an au about four ninja turtles. its fantastic, superb, amazing, 10/10 would reread everything you have under this tag again.

(uh tw for this next part? i get a tad tmi so :/)

second of all: woah

your au deliciously reminds me of my childhood in a way that hurts but like in a good way??? like idk why but it especially reminds me of this one childhood memory that i had (which i like to think happened to one of the turtles as well) where i just. had to beg my stepmother for attention, days on end, until she finally sat down and read me a book??? like,,idk one turtle tot will be like "father, read to me" and splinter would do it but not bc he's like a decent person or anything but because hes like "this is what good parents do"

maybe im just projecting lol

third! how do you feel about fanart? I know you've reblogged a lot but idk if your stance has changed on that recently or whatever :/ i dont wanna cross boundaries

thats all! i hope you have a good morning/day/night :3 take care of urself you are so cool and awesome and such an inspiration you got me out of a three month drawing slump so props to you ig *raises glass of chocolate milk*

k thats it fr this time byeee :3

first of all, thank you! i'm flattered.

second, splinter doing things because its "what a good parent would do" and not because he cares its like, one of the first things i ever said about him i think. also you had way more balls that i did as a kid, cause i would just get sad and grumpy about not getting attention but most of the time id be too scared to bother my mom about it cause i was worried she'd yell at me haha. anyway yeah, vibes.

thirdly, i appreciate fanart for sure.

#nnstuff #ask #asks are sweethearts

[fineline2005]

1

a/n: Welcome to the addiction series!! this is my first ever serious post lmao, so please take it lightly. give me ur honest opinions tho! i hope you guys like it <3

this story is placed around the time harry got mugged on the street, but im changing some thing! he is also still dating olivia in the begining of this story so if that bother you im sorry. but that will change, just be patient my children....

famous!harry x plus size!normal oc

1.9k words (i promise i will try to make them longer lol)

the one where harry meets meg, but not in a way you would expect....

content warnings: mugging, talks of knives, talks of drugs and alchol, talks of being cross faded. i think thats it but let me know if there is anything else!!! this is an 18+ story!!! i cant stop you from doing it but please, viewer descretion is advised!!!!

part one, megs pov:

"damn, your crossed as fuck." pepper said laughing. i couldn't really feel it but i knew she was right. at this point im so use to the feelig that i cant even tell the difference. aside from the alchol i had taken a couple of things that were past around and somked a bit of weed. i wouldn't say i'm the 'highest iv'e ever been' but im definietly i in no state of mind to be driving. thank fully med had driven me her, as she was D.D tonight.

i was starting to get really hot. i knew that as soon as i felt that fire start to creep up my spine it was time for me to tap out from everything for the night. i passed the joint in my hands to the person on my right with out even remembering who it was. i picked myself off the couch and make a b-line for the front door, but not without pepper noticing me.

i feel someone follow me and i assume that it pepper. i turn around and see my assumtions are correct.

"hey, you ok?" she asks. i nod a brush it off, but at this point in our friendship there is nothing i could hide from her. physical or emotional. "tell me the truth meg." she says giving me her famous stare of truth, as we walk to a place more private.

"yeah, just having that feeling again." i dont need to explain more. she gives me a knowing look understanding what i'm talking about the minute i say it. she had a worried look on her face and sits there thinking about what to say next.

"maybe you should go home. do you need a ride?" i know she hasn't been drinking and it would probably be safer to drive with her, rather than walk the streets alone in LA at 1am, but i saw her talking with cassie (who she's been crushing on for month.) and i dont want her to have to stop something she barly got to start. i shake my head no and tell her that i can walk. she gives me an 'are you sure' look.

"i think it will be good for my head and make the hangover a lot more bearable in the morning. besides, i think tonight will finally be the night you get lucky with cass." i wink at her. she turns red before giving me a nod telling me to text her when i get home. i agree before hugging her and making my way out.

i start my jouney home holding on to the knife in my pocket just to be safe. i don't live in the best part of town, so i have to be ready for anything. i pull out my vape just to calm my nerves. i've always hated walking alone, and being crossed out of my mind wasn't helping.

i walk pretty fast for being in the state im in. as i start getting closer to my nighborhood, i hear some shit going down not far from me. of course its got to be the path i need to go down. i put my head down trying to ignore whatever it is and just get home. i make a lot of rash choices while being this fucked up, and the last thing i need to to go back to jail for the night.

as i get closer, i see a group of short guys surounding a rather tall man. i couldn't tell if this was some kind of drug deal with a skinny king-pin, or if the tall guy was in trouble. i decided to just act like i dont see anthing. the last thing i need tonight was to be dragged into what ever the fuck this was.

as i walk by i see the tall guy pull out a big stack of cash. i don't think i've seen that much moneyin one sitting in my life. i then realize the group of short guys was pointing a knife to him.

they were mugging him.

i may sound like a bad person for saying this, but i think i need that cash more the tall guy and the rest of these idiot. like i said, i make rash and stupid choices when im in this state of mind. so with out think i start to walk faster. i hear the group of me start to ask him for his phone. thats when i decide to take action.

"hey! leave him alone." i shout from about 12 feet away, being way more loud than i intended to. they look at me and start to laugh.

"i suggest you keep walking and turn your pretty head beforw something bad happends to you sweetheart." he says now pointiing his knife at me. the tall guy gives me a look telling me to just run.

i keep walking over there with my slightly bigger knife in my pocket with my hand on it incase i need to pull it out quickly.

"well this 'sweetheart' is perfectly capable of pretecting herself from idiots like you." god i'm so fucking stupid sometimes. i am in not shape to being doing this shit right now.

but the things i do for money are actually ridiculous.

"seriously sweetheart. the last thing i wanna do is use this big scary knife on such a pretty thing like you. so save yourself the trouble and keep walking."

at this point i'm pissed. maybe it was the alchol talking or maybe he was just a sexist pig. but now i had to do something. i chuckle a bit before starting my next sentance.

"you know what's a lot scarier then a 'big scary knife' attached to a 'big scary man'" i ask while stepping closer. he gives me an amussed look before letting me continue.

within 1 second my knife is against his throat and i'm in his face.

"an even bigger knife, with an even scarier girl who really doesn't give a fuck." fear pools into his eyes as he looks down to the knife he is stuck under. i look around the the rest of the guys seeing a look of shock on their faces as well as the tell man in the corner. they all look aroundnot knowing what to do next, conflicted on whether to help their friend, boss, or whhatever he is to them, or to stay where they are not wanting to be the next one under the knife.

"so what's it gonna be? are you going to leave me and this nice gentlemen alone and walk away? or are you going to have a painful reminder of how you got mugged while trying to mug someone. not to metion there is witnesses."

he thinks about it for a bit before he drops his own knife and him and is crew walk away.

good choice.

i look over to the tall, skinny man and see the look on his face of pure disbelief. i could almost laugh if it wasn't for the fact that i'm no better then the men i jusy scared off.

"thank you! thank you so much!" he says with a smile on his face. i grip my knife harder walking up to him slowly.

"don't thank me yet." i mummble before quickly pointing the knife to his stomach. he laughs to himself for a second. before i know it the knife is outo of my hand and on the ground while im being pushed against his chest and restrained.

"you obviously have never done this before, and if you have you are really bad at it" he says luaghing as he picks up and throws me over he shoulder.

thats new...

i laugh finding humor in the situation i put myself in.

"what gave it away." i ask still laughing. he chuckles along before answering. "maybe the fact the you are clearly not sober and aimed the knife at my leg rather then my stomach." if that was his leg then this guy is taller then i thought.

"what's your name?" i ask as we walk aroud with me still on her shoulder, having no idea where we are going. "harry. what's yours?"

"i'll tell you if you put me down." the blood was starting to rush to my head and if were to stay in that position for another 2 minutes i would probably throw up. before i know it i'm on the grown again, losing my balance. i almost fall but he grabs my arms and hold me up until im steady. "meg, my names meg." i say while looking up at him. he has a face i've see before but to be honest, when im thing crossed everyone looks like someone i've seen before.

"do you have a girlfriends harry?" i ask with a suggestive tone in my voice. "yes." he answers immediately, while straightening up his posture.

"good," i drop the tone looking at him seriously. "go home and tell her you love her. you could have died tonight." and with that i start to walk away. after this whole thing my mind is way more clear then when i left the party. now i just want to go to sleep.

"wait!" i hear fast foot steps approaching. i turn around to see him pulling out his wallet and phone. he takes out a couple of $100 bills and unlocks his phone. "i feel like i owe you this for saving me. and i feel like you owe me your number for trying to mug me after." i give him a pointed look feeling like this is some kind of joke and he's trying to mess with me for pulling a fast one on him. "don't you have a girlfriend you are suppose to be telling you love?" he luaghs. "i just want to keep in contact. you seem fun, even if you are a criminal." i smirk and grab his phone entering my number. as i'm doing so i pull out my vape taking a couple of hits before looking up. once i do i see a look on his face telling me he's not super into it. but he's a stranger so i dont really care what he thinks.

"what? you act like half the people in this city dont do this and you've never seen it before." i say before putting it back in my mouth and taking a few more hits. "i mean, i know and i have. its just i know really like it. you know how how bad that stuff is for you, right?"

"its called an addiction for a reason." i say. i had him back his phone. "and on that note, i bid you adieu." i say bowing and copying the accent i picked up on. i walk away and this time he doesnt follow me.

as i walk into my appartment i text pepper to let her know i make it home. i check the clocked to the that its now 3:30am. i didn't realize that much time had gone by. she response asking what took so long and if i was ok. i answer back telling her i'll tell her in the morning when we go on our daily walk-and-talk. something we've been doing since freshman year of highschool.

my head hits my pillow and i knock out almost intantly. deciding that what ever choices i make tonight will be a problem for future meg to deal with.

#writing #harrystylesfanfics #harry smut #harry styles #harry fluff #harry styles smut #harry styles series #harry styles fluff #harry styles angst #harry styles x plus size oc #harry angst #content warning

[darlinguistics]

hey guys happy holidayss~ i know a rambley lil impromptu post-festivities inebriated post isnt very studyblrcore of me but i hope you guys see me not just as a studyblr but as a cool older cousin type, or if youre older than me, then as an angel sent to heal your inner child with nonserious-serious vibes and nihilistic optimism <3

speaking of new years i wonder if i might end up making this blog a bit more langblr-y next semesterrr, i think im about decent enough in korean to feel okay making more content about/in it. or if im not then im gonna start aiming for it more lol!!

im hoping to make my korean studying more consistent and almost mundane or like low pressure, so that instead of cramming and hyperfocusing on it a lot and forgetting my other classes i can just make studying habits part of my routine and a constant so i can have better focus when i work on other things, if that makes sense idk if i explained that well. but i also reallyyyy love learning korean so the hyperfocusing will still happen lol

i really wanna write more this year both personal journaling and practice/hobby journaling for korean plus my academic/intellectual thoughts?? i never like really write those down and i wonder why not. i also want to be off line more and i feel like getting better at irl communications helps that a lot even if its just personal journaling no one else reads. its a good to remind myself that i can articulate myself if i try lol

ooh and i want to become really good at pilates idk, somethings been awoken in me this last month about it, and its been too long since i had a hobby that was physically active like that so i am restless lol. so ig it doesnt have to be pilates if i get bored and try smth else thats cool too

hm what else. idk i just kinda wanna be more expressive yknow, in minor and major ways. i have a lot a of thoughts on this idk. or maybe its an unmasking journey im on. oh shit no im def on a trauma-reprocessing journey i forgot thatll be a doozy lol. but! im growing so much~ did u know that avoiding discomfort is actually not the point of life? and that sometimes good things and right things that have to or should happen, are uncomfy? and that doesnt mean theyre bad or wrong? did you know pain ends and believing yourself to be able to survive painful things is actually so fucking important? im trying to learn those things lately. that tragedies are still worth telling.

alright. ill shut up now ty for humoring me. whether or not you celebrate things this time of year i hope you are comfy, i hope you find moments of peace and joy however small or private, i hope you reach out to people or the universe or whatever it is you need. ive been really grateful for my experieces w this blog this year <3 rest well and take care everyone!

#🌟.txt

[kingjasnah]

Reading RoW in one night is actually crazy but also. Hi how did you do that. Do you have any marathon reading tips?

yah firstly to preface: i dont think anyone should be reading rhythm in one night. i needed to for Reasons but besides those there's really no need to do this. also i know ive been saying it was one night but in the spirit of full transparency, i committed a little wage theft and read the first part (pretty much everything that had already been preview released) while still on the clock....last min circumstances (someone got covid) meant i was able to work from home the week it dropped and again. i dont think i could have done this if i had to commute the next morning. in general i am a fast reader and ive done these before but 1200 pgs was still. daunting.

ok so 1) you need good and consistent light. your eyes will be strained enough, dont make things harder for them. 2) a source of caffeine you can drink quickly that wont hurt you later. i drank a lot of very very very cold diet coke cause if i had tried to do it with my beloved filter coffee i would have been physically ill. 3) focus. like in general. i had noise cancelling headphones without playing music until everyone i lived with was asleep and that got me through. 4) you need to trick yourself into caring so so so so so much about what is happening that you force whatever you are reading into becoming a page turner. i could not have read 1200 pages in 8 hours of just anything, but kaladin is my friend and i wanted to see him so.....yeah. if you're last min cramming for school or something this is harder but fr if you straight up psychologically trick urself into caring thats better than caffeine

im actually kinda interested in reading rhythm in smaller doses....i was thinking of doing a big november reread where i would follow that drinking game tor published but like. a couple of chapters a week or smth......idk, for the sake of my liver and the fact that its literally mistborn release month and im ignoring the franchise

#no i read it in one night cause i knew i couldnt get through the mental illness stuff in short bursts i needed a resolution #that was not a good year or month or season for me i needed to see it through #i literally dont even think i ate that day i was head down nose in book the whole time #it was like that for ob too but that took two sittings. i miss reading like that it reminded me of middle school me #asks

[nami-lvr]

Correct OP Headcannons

Ft: Luffy, Usopp, Nami, Robin, Zoro, Sanji, Chopper, Brook, and Franky!

Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 |

A/N: Hey guys! First post YAYAYAYYAYAY 🔥🔥 I love love love the silly show smsmsm and the next part will include Mihawk, Doffy, Cora, Buggy, and Crocodile!

Luffy

Erm I don’t have much for him

SIKE

Bro smells

Does not wash his ass

Has those back pimple thingys and lets you pop them (GROSS!!!)

Band kid

For sure

100% a band kid

iPad kid as well

Can’t do anything without entertainment

Has autism

If you disagree you don’t like autistic ppl :/ (JOKING OFC!!)

I think his special interest would be pirates bc he thinks they’re cool

Has greasy hair

Smells bad (knows) doesn’t care

Doesn’t floss his damn teeth

HAS CROOKED TEETH FIGHT ME ON THIS

Needs braces

Doesn’t get them bc this fool won’t take care of them

Paints his nails

Extremely ugly and bright colors

Cat shit green

Dog puke brown

Effervescent Shitstain

Whatever he can find

Usopp

My bbg would also be a band kid

Would not do anything with his hair.

At all.

Not even pick through it.

Goddamn it Usopp YOUR SCALP IS FALLING. OUT.

WASHYOURFUCKINGHAIRBOY

I swear

He just lets that shit grow

Won’t even loc up.

Istg DO SOMETHINF WITH UR HAIR

Only pulls bitches in his late teens/early adulthood because he doesn’t look 5 anymore

I’m convinced he has a gyatdayum uhhh

Fat ass

HAD TO SAY IT

Im positive that if he was real he would have that THANG just THANGin up back there

Grabbable asf

Nami

Popular pretty nice girl

Pick me (sorry!)

Would smell like strawberries for sure

Would be the girl to always have lotion on her

Would willingly take Spanish and be invested in it

Would always have gum on her

Lie about having gum on her so people won’t ask

People ask anyways

Definitelyyyy is the girl who only hangs out with guys (no shade to girls who do)

Not bc she gets along better

But because of Sanji 🙁

Literally they’re there to protect her from him (can you tell I hate Sanji yet 😛)

Basic white girl BUT I STILL LOVE HER

Stan Nami ong

She would be so proud of her friends

“Nami I got a 90% on my tes-“

“YAYYY! WERE GOING OUT TO EAT!”

So supportive

Very erm

Tough love kinda gal

You definitely have to WORK to be her friend

Robin

I heavily headcannon that she speaks Russian. (I’m projecting 😊)

She would teach you Russian for sure

And be like

Super nice about it

I love Robin

She is so

🩷🩷

Guys hear me out

She is a cat person

Would always wear fuzzy socks

Prefers the cold

She is allergic to grass fight me

Does yoga I can feel it in my bones

Would do yoga with you

Definitely bakes

Her favorite show is something true crime related

Zoro

Cmon man

This guy is so likeable

Dyes his hair a different color every month depending on what the awareness for that month is

As in blue for child abuse awareness month and green for mental health awareness month and so on

But no one knows that that’s why

They just think its cool

But he knows

He knows.

And I just think he would be the kind of guy to help the teachers clean the classroom

Straight C student

Sleeps in class

Has neck problems

Complains about said neck problems

Cycle repeats

Everyones friend

Natural born leader fr

Every tía would pass him the baby

He’s incredibly good with kids and wants some of his own

BUT!!!!

He is asexual

DUN DUN DUNNNN

Makes fun one people to their face (me for real)

Sanji

I fucking hate Sanji. Not sorry! He is weird 😁🫶🏻

Would probably grab my ass

Would probably stare at my boobs

(I’m a well built gal)

Chopper

My son

I adopted him back in erm

1800

Yes

Mexicans existed in the 1800’s and I adopted him then so

Everything I say from now on is cannon bc he is my son :p

Paints his nails

Bites his nails

Has autism

Bc I said so

Definitely loves plain pasta

Like thats his favorite food

Brook

Erm

I don’t really like him either-

SIKE YOU THOUGHT

Bro is a stoner

No more questions

Tokes it up in the back of class

Gives no fucks if he gets caught

The kinda guy you wanna smoke your first joint with

Extremely good trip sitter

I feel like

I really feel like

I hope hope hope

He would dislike Sanji for being perverted and see that its bad and change his ways

💔💔💔💔

Brook recovery arc bc i say so

#brook redemption arc

Franky

The fun uncle

Everyone loves Franky

Loud drunk

Extremely loud drunk

Like

Noise complaint loud kinda drunk

Still funny as shit thought

#op #one peice #zoro #sanji #luffy #nami #robin #franky #chopper #Usopp #op nami #op luffy #op chopper #op robin #op zoro #op sanji #op franky #op brook #brook #brook op #sanji op #luffy op #nami op #zoro op #franky op #chopper op #robin op #usopp op

[creativebrainrot]

another open journal entry (#3)

less venting and more just kind of musing on where im at in my "mental health journey." i guess. also much less heavy than my journal entries and vent posts usually are. mild mentions of abuse.

I need to be kinder to myself. and I need to let myself trust again. Its hard to unlearn though, because its a defense mechanism from when I was 12. maybe younger. it kept me safe for 9 years, probably longer. its really hard to let go of those habits, and they're hard for me to pin down in words. I tend to put my head down and just keep going through the pain- which at the moment I have no choice about. And I don't think thats entirely a bad thing, some people are just like that, it's what works for them. The part that I think I should unlearn is my motivation for it. The assumption that if I reach out, it will go ignored, it will be used against me, I'll become an unwanted burden, I'll show a side of myself that turns people- friends I want to keep, away from me. That post, "Humans are meant to be burdens," is something I'm trying to internalize, it's just difficult because for so long that wasn't what I was shown from my abuser. Anything that made me, me, was used against me. He treated my dad like that too.

All of that treatment has made it really hard for me to let myself feel loved, valued, wanted in any capacity, and it's hard to unlearn all that. The worst offender was all the times that I, a small, tiny child, wanted to bug my father, like a small, tiny child would want to do, and he would brush me off. invalidate me. ignore me. find a way to cut me down when I shared something I valued. give me reasons why what I thought was wrong. but in an extremely insidious way, so that he could worm his way out of being in the wrong on a technicality.

That, has stuck with me still. It's the next thing to unlearn. That the people around me, will not snap at me, for no apparent reason. They'll talk to me like a fucking adult, and tell me if they can or cannot attend something or if they have time to hangout or whatever.

This entire "thing" hinges on me being the one to reach out. because I was smacked away so many times.

and I'll unlearn it. Because I don't want to live my life with this junk lying around from a life now dead. I'm Kaleb now. I'm Theryn now. I have my own life, and my own friends, and I am an adult, I have more freedom with everyday that I live. My dad and I will make it through this month, to better years, and we'll never look back.

Clinging to the hope of a brighter future with the fervor of a god, was the most painful thing I have ever done and not regretted once.

All of my "nasty brain static" is much worse when I'm tired. Life lately has been extremely stressful, and that makes me sleep long and hard, and I wake up just as tired as I was before.

#rottingjournals #rotthoughts

[cubic-porygonal]

oh right, should make an intro post

so yeah, welcome to my blog! i probably shouldnt say too much detailed info about myself for privacy reasons, but heres a bit i can share. my name's private but i go by Cubic, i live in Unova (Castelia City, specifically), i like computers, games, and my pokemon.

speaking of, lemme tell yall about em!

Vertex

first up, my Porygon Vertex! it's my first pokemon, and it was a birthday gift from my siblings. apparently they spent a whole month searching for one, and we've been the best of friends ever since. it's part of how i can even do my job in the first place, actually! it likes playing games of all kinds, and you might even heard about it in speedrunning circles. somehow, it always manages to find new and bizarre glitches in whatever games it plays, and some of them are pretty good for skips. it's also surprisingly catlike compared to most other Porygon i've seen. not that i mind, though. whatever makes it happy!

Proto

next up is Proto, my Rotom pal! not only are they part of my team, but they're also the Rotom that powers my phone. (i do have a normal backup battery though, just in case of an emergency.) i met them one night when there was a blackout, but my computer somehow hadn't turned off. turns out they'd been living in there for over a week without me noticing! it took all night, but i finally managed to get the little guy to trust me enough to come out... and then they immediately climbed into my phone. but it's been well over 3 years since then, and we've made great progress since! they're a but jumpy and shy, but they generally mean well!

Vi

Vi is my Eevee! i got her as a thank-you gift for helping out the local pokemon center with a Rotom infestation, and she's just the sweetest thing. ...when she's not knocking over everything on my desk and stealing my chair, that is. despite that, she's still great. she's not that interested in evolving, so i've made sure to get her an everstone to make sure it never happens by accident. she likes to sit on my head/shoulders while i walk around the city, which has gotten more than a few pictures from tourists. (youve probably seen some if you follow a few travelers from Sinnoh, they tend to be the ones who are most excited by it for some reason) if you ever see me with her, feel free to say hi!

Woshua

Woshua is my faithful Dewott (named when they were younger, but they refuse to let me change it now) who i bumped into while on a short business trip down to Nuvema Town. they had climbed into my bag when i sat down to rest, and i couldn't convince them to climb out no matter what i tried. eventually i gave up and just carried on. while on the way out of Nuvema, i stopped by Professor Juniper's lab to see if she knew what to do with this random Oshawott. she was out, but her assistant, a girl named Bianca, told me that she'd been looking everywhere for the little scamp. the second she saw their face though, she told me that it'd probably be better in the long run if i kept them with me, so i ended up taking them home. they're pretty headstrong, but they get along well with Vertex at least!

???

this one's, uh... kinda a weird story? they're not actually one of my pokemon, per se, but i like to think we're friends now. for the sake of not having every world government, evil team, AND this particular pokemon get on my case, im just gonna say i accidentally stumbled across a not-so-human-friendly psychic pokemon while taking the extremely scenic route in a forest im not gonna name. (i definitely wasn't lost, i swear.) we just kinda looked at each other for a minute before i turned around and walked away, because im not stupid enough to mess with a random pokemon that was telepathically threatening to disintegrate me. theres a bit more to it that came later, but everything after that interaction is gonna have to be redacted for the sake of everyone involved, human and pokemon alike.

aaaand thats about it! if you have any questions, feel free to ask me anytime!

#unreality #pokemon #pokeblogging #pkmn irl

[dannyleclerc]

tea of my love life

feel free to ignore :)

i dont usually do this here but i just want to let everything out.

recently my ex broke up with me the day after we completed 14 months together, and it hurt to damn much even though i was planning to break up with him since like a month before.

he has emotionally drained me so much that it only took a night of crying over him and thats it. i cant even remember his voice or how he looks now. all i feel for him right now is pure rage. like i cant even explain the amount of rage i have towards him.

i'm graduating highschool in like a weeks time and a few of my friends from my batch have organised a party for the full batch, so naturally everyone is going. but this party hurt his male ego so much because he wasnt the one who organised it (he can't see others doing better than him) so him and two of his friends have planned another party 4 days later than the original one.

-

so now ill have to give you some back story.

basically, his friends group and my friends group dont have a really great history together; they always think they are better than us. so we never like got on well together. there are a few nice people in his group but thats an whole another thing.

now, my ex and his friends want their party to be successful because again male ego, so they texted my friend and told him that they are organising a party and shit and want to know if we were interested in coming. my friend did not know what to do so he called me up and asked me if our group would go.

-

okay so now another back story,

the day that they are planning the party is also the day our school is giving us a farewell. so like the party would be after the school farewell. like everyone from school would directly go to their party.

but now obviously no one would be interested to meet the same people all over again in like a span of few days cause not everyone is friends with each other. it would have been fine if it was an exclusive thing because half of the batch doesnt get along well.

plus my group already had plans after the school farewell to go for a nice dinner, just us, with no one else, because it has been long since all of us have gone out together.

-

so now when my friend called me and asked me, i told that we already have a plan and that we wont be able to come.

my friend then told this to my ex and his friends and they were like 'no no you all have to come, it will be fun'. but my friend was adamant and he was like 'im sorry we already have plans, you all continue'.

hearing this hurt his ego and he started calling my group "gay gang" just because we are in touch with our emotions and love to spend quality time together as a group alone. i mean i dont see how this is an insult??????? like is he out of his mind?? just because your group doesnt like you that much (honestly he isnt even part of a group because hardly any one likes him, because of his terrible behaviour. only like 2-3 are his friends) and doesnt care about you, you can say whatever you want.

-

a few days pass after this conversation and i get a whatsapp notification from him.

and mind you, this is the SECOND TIME he broke the "no contact" thing in a week!

one more thing, he was the one who removed me first from his private account and he bloody even blocked me on spotify- like the fuck??????? very immature.

first he asked for something that he had lost in an event, i had given him the details of where to find it while we were together but he texted we again asking me for numbers and location (irrelevant but whatever)

and now this new message was the invite to this party, which i remind you, my whole group REJECTED. the next day i replied with "cool" (ik i shouldnt have replied but idk i couldnt help it).

he could have asked his other 2 friends who are helping him organise this party to send it to me right? cause like its not like i havent talked to the other 2 guys. you can say that i am friends with them. they could have sent the invite to me rather than him, but he didnt do that. which is very irritating because dude wanted "no contact" and now is trying to keep bloody contact!

later that evening he added me, my group and only a few people from our school to a groupchat for the party.

let me remind you guys that this "party" that he is organizing is only for "the batch of '24" from OUR school only. but when i checked the people list, there were barely any people from the school and most of them were outsiders from freaking different schools who we know.

so tell me HOW DOES THIS MAKE SENSE?

wouldnt you rather enjoy with your own friends than trying to mix with some random people at a party???

and there are barely 90 people in that group. my school batch has 270 people!

idky he is doing this because ive talked to a few people other than my group of friends and asked them if they are going to this party and everyone is like 'we already had plans' 'not interested' and shit. so when no one shows up to this party, its just gonna hurt is ego even damn more.

its laughable at this point.

-

this is just a small part of what happened after the breakup, if you want to know more let me know lmao

sorry for this rant, but had to get it out somewhere.

also i real hope no one from my school is one this app

#vent #my life is a mess #desi tumblr #teen problems #so done with love

[c-o-r-r-u-p-t]

trigger warning. Sexual assault.

Dear Shane,

i know i shouldnt take what you did to me personally. You were a scared little boy. But you fucked me up. I am still dealing with issues you left me. Thoughts and ideas I have about myself that are rooted in how you treated me. You didn't do it on purpose but you wounded me. You were the first one to teach me that someone saying they love me doesn't mean they are willing to make me feel loved.

Dear Mark,

You definitely know what you did. If you didn't figure it out yourself, you knew because I explicitly told you. You forced me into sexual acts every day for a year and a half. I would be crying that I didn't want to. I would tell you I was still bleeding from the sex the day before. You said if i care about you, I would still do it for you. you manipulated me. You kept me prisoner. You hid me from my friends and family. you wanted me as your slave. Even made me call you master. i told you i felt like you were raping me and you said i was crazy. Even after you fucked my lifeless body all passed out on the xanax you fed me. got me hooked on. Took my virginity while my tears were still drying on my face about how i didnt want to lose my virginity. I was a pushover and you were a rapist. Yet you loved me some how. You wanted me to have the best life you could give me, as long as you were the one giving it to me. would plan dates around what i wanted. would do little things to make me happy every day. go out of your way to make me smile. I wish you didn't do that. I wish you were just evil. you tried to make me happy with the little things and maybe if you didnt force your dick into my mouth every day then refer to me as nothing but a hole for guys to fuck we would have worked out. But you solidified that loving someone doesn't mean that they're good for you and someone saying they love me doesn't mean theyre willing to make me feel loved.

Dear Louie,

you did nothing wrong im just pretty sure im never going to like men again sorry

Dear Patricia,

Im never going to not be in love with you. That being said, I don't even really know who you are, so really this is saying that I am delusional. But we had something special for those few months we could be together. Short and sweet. I'm sorry I made it so intense. You said you loved me and i went all in. but you were my first queer relationship (kinda - you said no to being my gf and now neither of us identify as being a girl anymore but whatever lmao) and I had finally realized what it was like to be attracted to someone mentally and physically and man did I love you right back. Maybe a little too much. They way I would have moved across the country to you the second you asked me to up until about a year ago. Fuck i still might. I still think of you from time to time. Not like how I used to, but i still do. Every once in a while I'll fantasize about you moving to nyc and us finally getting to be together. I think we would have been beautiful. but i'm also pretty sure we're not meant to be together in this lifetime. Maybe the next. I've never felt like anyone was my soul mate before you, and still haven't since. Probably was just the first queer experience getting to me but thats also why I'll never stop thinking of you. I knew ph and mikayla werent the ones because they had nothing on what you made me feel like. I hope i get to feel like that again one day. You were perfectly my type, everything i could dream of. Maybe we'll get to get to know eachother again in the future. Maybe not. I hope you have a great life.

Dear ph,

My feelings about you are complicated. I'm still angry at you a lot of the time. But I also am not skipping over the part where you did try to break up with me at one point in our almost 3 years because you didn't think you had enough time for me and become a model. I said I could be patient and that you were worth it. I chose to stay. But when we were talking about that you made it seem like you still wanted to be with me you just wanted to be fair to me. The end of our relationship wasn't even a relationship. Its not that you didn't have time for me, its that you didn't even want to see me at all. like literally didnt even try to see me for over a month and wouldn't have if i kept on trying. You probably wouldn't have even broken up with me you would have just never spoken to me again. You were my girlfriend and you would only respond to me once every few days. It made no fucking sense. Especially after the fact where there was a point where I broke up with you after you told me my love was exhausting and that i didn't try hard enough (lol) and you begged for me back. Literally begged. Would drive to my house and sit in your car down the street just to feel close to me. Told me we were soul mates. Begged to not even be my girlfriend but just my fuck buddy if thats all i wanted because you were so desperate to stay in my life. But then i took you back and you wouldnt even let me touch you without flinching. Even when it was just to hold your hand or play with your hair. You were revolted by me. I'm never going to forget the night i put my arm around you and tried to fall asleep. You thought i was asleep already and literally picked up my hand off your waist and dropped it on the bed in disgust and shood it away from you. The fact that I was holding you was just something you let happen to be nice. You fell out of love with me and couldn't tell me. You didn't even like me anymore yet you kept me around for so long, letting me try so fucking hard to get you to love me again when you were the one that begged for me back in the first place. I was doing fine without you then you begged for me back just to make me bitter and sad and angry and not give me anything i wanted or deserved and made me feel crazy and needy for wanting even the bare fucking minimum. You fucked up so much of the ideas i had around love. You taught me that love will fade. that people will lose interest in me. You taught me that no matter how hard i try it will never be enough. You taught me that me constantly putting in effort and getting nothing in return is what love is. You taught me that I have no fucking idea what love is really like. And i will never forgive you for telling me my love is a burden because i still hear those words in my head every goddamn day. I was a burden for trying to love you. And I will always be a burden.

[cruzctrl]

So, i've been gone for quite sometime. And alot has happened, it being me becoming director of respiratory at my facility, hating every minute of it, stepping down after 5 months, and picking up a full time job at a former facility. There were quite a few things that made me step down- actually alot of things:

1. Short staffing

The issue with short staffing and trying to approve peoples vacation times was a nightmare. I catered to these people thinking yeah its gonna be fine. Ill figure something out. Then when i get call ins, no one is willing to work. Im not about to run 20 hours working at this place when 8 hours is already dreadful. And guess what, i still did it. I tried. But the consistency of how bad no one wanted to work was more than enough of a problem for me to step down. And i low key hated people to begin with and it didnt make the job any easier.

2. Supply shortage

This was probably the worst one. Id do my daily tuesday routines of ordering supplies, and yet i seem to never get the main supplies i need. Trachs. Bacteria filters for suction machines. Pulse oximeter probes and cables. And its out of my control. I get it. Ever since covid cane around it hasnt been any easier for anyone. But again, being blamed for something i cant control was already daunting and i hated

3. Inheriting a staff i've worked with for 7 years

It sucked. They know my work ethic. And they see me as one of them. Not as a supervisor. Only when they need my signature to sign off on their overtime. Or their vacations. Or their bullshit sick days. And when i needed the help only a few were able to pull through. The fact that im somewhat salty about this whole situation makes me think: what could i have done differently? Why dont they look at me as someone who can take over a department? But then again. It is what it is. The lack of respect was already more than enough for me to leave. Aside from that, another guy who didnt even work more than 8 days a month became the director and they seem to give him more respect than me. But, like i said i could of done things differently, but i wouldnt know what to do anyways ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

4. Taking work home

This was one thing i told myself- never take work home. Thats what i did. I took work home. I think about when the next time im gonna have to come in to cover a shift, why no one responds to my group me texts, or whatever shit that i needed to come in for. The stress and anxiety of coming home really fucked up my sleep. So bad to the point where id stay up super late just to enjoy what little time i had to myself. Thats bad on my part and probably affected me to the point where i dreaded work.

BUT

Ill admit, i low key miss goin to work whenever i want, but i dont miss goin to work when i shouldnt even be there. The amount of stress that has been lifted from my shoulders is so nice, i forgot how it was to just go to work, get things done, and leave with no worry about anything more or less. Im pretty content with what happened, how i did, and i appreciate the few support of people who really had my back. Funny thing is, they didnt even decrease my pay rate, so although i stepped down as director, im still getting director pay! I guess if theres a way to cheat the system, that was definitely it.

So, in hindsight, Im on call / per diem at my old facility, and got hired as full time at.. another old facility. BUT my pay has definitely increased in both places. Ever since i left, everything has looked alot brighter. i bought a new car, im back to working noc shift again, im happier as a whole, and i just think everything that ive dealt with was a lesson and that not all things at the top is so mint. The new guys i met at work seem pretty chill, and we have a few hobbies that we have in common so it was really easy to get a long with them. Plus i think this whole subacute dept as a whole is just good for myself and patient care. Its really nice to be able to go back to work and feel like im making a difference with what i do. I couldnt help but feel useless as a director. I guess one of the perks is the amount of overtime im gettin here, it is so absurd that im probably gonna be making more than my other places i worked at. Anyways, im happy and thats all that really matters. Ill probably post some pics of my new whip soon, just gotta find the time to take some decent pics. Hope you guys have been well, and this was just me ranting.