#but when i see it on myself im grossed out and i hate it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

leclercvsx · 5 months

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DILF | SMAU

sebastian vettel

pairings: sebastian vettel x reader

summary: y/n is dating Seb who is 15 years older than her but despite the age gap theyre just like any other couple

warnings: age gap (?)

yourusername

liked by sebastianvettel, landonorris and 47,628 others

yourusername: in my lover era 🫶

TAGGED: sebastianvettel

sebastianvettel: i love you❤️

yourusername: ugh i love you too😭❤️

user: girlie isn’t he old enough to be your dad😨

landonorris: i took the last photo btw

yourusername: we know🙄

user: am i the only one that find this weird ???

user: definitely not the only one

friendusername: my fav couple😔

yourusername: love you😘😘

user: he’s literally almost DOUBLE her age wtf

—

sebastianvettel

liked by yourusername, lewishamilton and 815k others

sebastianvettel: great time seeing everyone again 🙏🏼

TAGGED: lewishamilton, yourusername

lewishamilton: loved seeing you mate, your girlfriends lovely by the way💙

sebastianvettel: she’s the best❤️

yourusername: making me blush and shi☺️

user: he’s basically dating a child

user: nah cos this is still so weird

user: im actually so grossed out rn

user: girl me too

user: he should be with someone his own age, not someone that’s just hit puberty

user: a bit predatory if u ask me

—

yourusername

liked by sebastianvettel, lewishamilton and 25,184 others

yourusername: in a world of boys he’s a gentlemen ❤️

TAGGED: sebastianvettel

user: “gentlemen” it’s because he’s almost double your age babe

sebastianvettel: the love of my life❤️

yourusername: i will cry

sebastianvettel: please don’t, love

user: she’s probably with him for his money and fame tbh

friendusername: i don’t think she’d tolerate all this nasty ass behaviour if she was with him for his money or fame. leave them alone.🙄

liked by sebastianvettel and yourusername

user: i actually think they’re super cute😭

user: no cos me too like i want what they have

lewishamilton: you guys really are the cutest

yourusername: 😛

—

y/n

sebastian

seb❤️

what’s wrong? you never call me by my full name

y/n

i think we should break up:/

seb❤️

what the hell are you on about? i don’t think we should break up.

where’s all this coming from?

y/n

everyone’s calling you a freak for being with a “child” and saying that you’re too old for me or that you’re old enough to be my dad and i don’t want anyone to continue hating on you. so as much as i love you and hate myself for doing this, i think it’s for the best.

seb❤️

no.

i won’t let you break up with me due to jealous children on the internet, Y/n. i love you and i do not care about anyone else’s opinions.

So what if we have an age gap? we’re both legal, mature adults who can decide who we want to date.

i’ll sort this all out, my love. don’t worry❤️

—

sebastianvettel

liked by lewishamilton, yourusername and 1,628,273 others

sebastianvettel: Y/n and i have been dating for the past year and a half, yes we started dating when she was 19 (4 days before she was 20) and i had just turned 34 but we both discussed this for a while. We’re both legal, consenting, mature adults and choose to date each-other because we love eachother. There is nothing wrong with our relationship. If you find out relationship weird, then YOU are the problem (y/n taught me how to say that.)

Y/n is the love of my life and i don’t ever want that to change. Thanks to some people online, you have made my lovely, wonderful and beautiful girlfriend try to break up with me because she doesn’t want me getting hated on. We’re still very much together and will be for the foreseeable future.

I love you, Y/n. Ignore the jealous, immature children❤️

TAGGED: yourusername

yourusername: sobbing on my floor right now. i love you so so much😭❤️

sebastianvettel: don’t cry, my love.

lewishamilton: ignore the immature people, they don’t know what they’re talking about.

liked by yourusername

user: i actually feel really bad now

user: proud to say i’ve always been a y/nseb shipper btw

landonorris: i would say mother and father but y/n is younger than me so😔

yourusername: you aren’t helping this situation, Lando.

landonorris: it was a JOKE. you know i love you both really🙏🏼🙏🏼

liked by sebastianvettel

——————————

this is quite a short one cos i ran out of ideas lol, but anyway i hope you all enjoy!

this was either gonna be for carlos, daniel or seb but i chose seb cos he’s my fav person ever😛

AND YES I KNOW THE AGE GAP IS A LITTLE EXTREME BUT THIS IS ALL FICTION !!!

REQUESTS ARE STILL OPEN 🫶

masterlist | request

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qtboni · 9 months

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helloo boniiii (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠) i hope ur doing okay todayyyy i saw that you hve ur reqs open and i have an idea!

the way chubby!reader is insecure of how she looks and Simon notices it and comforts her? bye sorry im like so bad at explaining but what would Simon do?

HELLO, BABI ! omg u got me there. im one of those peeps who gets so insecure easily 😔 and really, i want a husband like simon who can comfort me in bad times 😭 thank you for requesting this !!

╰﹒ 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐃 𝐈𝐌𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐅𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 !

PAIRING: Simon 'Ghost' Riley X Chubby!Reader

OVERVIEW: Simon reassures your insecurities with loving words, and you are overwhelmed with emotions, as he makes you realize the beauty in yourself that you can't see.

C/W: Hurt/comfort! body image issues, insecurities, mentions of body dysmorphia, intimate partner relationship (emotional support), reader expressing emotions and processing trauma, reader struggles with feelings of self-worth.

Simon's car doors shut with a loud thud, echoing through the garage and signaling his departure. A small sense of relief washed over you, knowing that you would have the whole day to yourself.

No more needing to pretend to be okay when you weren't. You slowly made your way to the bathroom and leaned towards the mirror. As you gazed into your reflection, the harsh lights amplified every imperfection.

'I hate how I look,' you thought to yourself as you gazed into the mirror. Every day, you spent too long in the restroom, staring at your reflection, trying to figure out what was wrong with yourself.

Your shoulders were too wide, tummy too fat, and your cheeks were getting fuller by the day. It also doesn't help that your legs look so big on you and the way your thighs would touch together quite so much. You felt gross and ugly, and it seemed like nothing you did could make a difference.

You sighed as you cupped your cheeks, pretending to pull them behind your face. You longed to be slim and thin, or at the very least, pretty. But no matter how hard you tried, it seemed like you were doomed to be the ugly duckling for the rest of your life.

"Why did I let myself get this way?" you wondered.

Tears started to fall from your eyes as your self-pity reached new heights. You didn't understand why everyone else seemed to have it all figured out, while you were stuck here, hating yourself more and more each day.

You wondered if you would ever be able to accept yourself for who you are, or if you would forever be doomed to feel inferior to everyone around you. It was a painful feeling, and one that you struggled with every single day.

Your eyes slowly shifted towards the mirror in the restroom again, and you let out a heavy sigh. Without even really thinking, you started to pinch and pull at your skin. Your fingers zeroed in on your thighs and you frowned, unable to help but focus on the parts of your body that you didn't like.

Your hand then moved to your midsection, and you stared at your reflection in the mirror, feeling defeated. You wanted to look different, you wanted to look like the pretty girls in the magazines and on social media.

You wanted to be beautiful.

Tears started forming in your eyes again, and you brushed them away before your sobs could come after. You didn't want anyone to see you like this - didn't want Simon to see. You didn't want him to know how much you hated yourself. But it was a constant struggle, and one that you fought every single day.

You pinched the fat on your stomach, pulling it from side to side and watching as it jiggled.

"Why can't I just look normal?" you asked yourself, your voice cracking.

You moved on to your thighs, pinching the flesh that had been collecting there over the past few months.

"I look gross," you said to yourself, voice barely above a whisper. "I hate.. my body."

Tears started to pool in your eyes as you began to pull at your cheeks and the edges of your mouth, trying to pull them back to make yourself look thinner.

"I just can't stand looking like this," you said to yourself again and again, your voice catching in your throat.

But no matter how much you pinched and pulled, you couldn't make yourself look the way you wanted. The image in the mirror still looked like you – tired, fat, and flawed. You turned away from the mirror, feeling defeated and alone.

You wanted so badly to be able to pull the fat away and make your face look the way you wanted. In your mind's eye, you imagined how much better you would look if you could just lose a few pounds, if your stomach wasn't so rounded, if your thighs weren't so thick.

But no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't seem to make a single inch of difference. The cycle of self-doubt and self-loathing was never-ending, and it seemed like you were doomed to remain trapped in your own head, unable to break free.

But then you looked down at the sink, and saw your reflection in the water, distorted and warped. You realized that in trying to fix your flaws, you had only made them worse. Your self-imposed torture was only making you hate yourself more.

It seemed like an eternity before you calmed down, your breathing slowing to a normal pace once again. However, you were still on the brink of tears.

What if Simon saw you like this? Would he still love you?

But you knew that Simon was more than just a pretty face. He was kind and gentle, and he accepted you for who you were, imperfections and all. As you stood in front of the mirror, you then stared at your reflection with a mix of sadness and frustration.

Your heart sank at the sound of a knock, and you quickly dried your tears. Then, your heart raced as your tried to compose yourself. You knew it was Simon – your husband, and the one person who understood you the most. You guys had been through a lot together, and you knew you could count on him to make everything better.

"I'm coming!" you called out, your voice shaky. You took a deep breath and smoothed down your clothes before making your way to the door.

As you opened it slowly, you saw Simon standing there, a sympathetic look on his face.

"Hey," Simon said softly, his voice full of compassion. He walked in and gave you a hug, as if he knew exactly what you needed. You hugged him back, feeling a wave of relief wash over you. You knew that Simon would always be there for you, no matter what.

"Hi," You let out a deep sigh and rested your head on his shoulder. "You're back early?"

Simon's warm embrace was exactly what you needed. You felt your body loosen up and your heart start to calm down as you let out another slow, deep breath.

You felt him nodded against your shoulder. "Yeah, my plans got canceled," he said softly, rubbing your back in a soothing motion.

You leaned into his embrace, humming a reply, feeling a sense of comfort. You needed this, you thought to yourself. You needed someone to remind you that you weren't alone, and that there were people in your life who cared about you – people who loved you just the way you are.

Despite your best efforts to hide your feelings, it was obvious that something was wrong. Simon squeezed your shoulder gently, as if he could sense what you were thinking. He knew that you were going through a tough time, but he also knew that you needed someone to talk to – someone who would listen and understand without judgment.

You took another breath, feeling a wave of relief wash over you. You were grateful for Simon. Grateful that he was in your life, and that he was there for you when you needed him the most.

"Is something wrong?" Simon asked, his tone soft and gentle.

You hesitated for a moment, unsure of how to respond. You didn't want to appear weak or needy, but you also didn't know how to hide your emotions from Simon.

"Love?"

Finally, you replied, "I'm just having a bad day. It's nothing you need to worry about."

"But.. I am worried," Simon said, his voice filled with concern. He pulled away from the hug to look at you. "You know you can tell me anything."

"I.." You sighed, feeling the weight of your insecurity and self-hatred bearing down on you. "I don't know, Simon. I just feel like I'm not good enough. Like I don't measure up."

"What do you mean?" he asked, the confusion on his face evident.

You looked down, not wanting to meet his eyes. "I, um, hate the way I look, I guess," you replied, trying to convey the depth of your dislike for yourself without stating it outright. You didn't want to burden him with the full extent of your self-loathing.

You watched as Simon's expression changed, going from confusion to concern. You sighed, knowing you had to be careful with your words. "It's just... I hate my body," you finally managed, your voice barely above a whisper.

Simon's eyes widened slightly, and you could tell he was beginning to understand.

"Oh, baby," he said softly. "You're beautiful, inside and out. I know it's hard, but try not to focus so much on how you look. There's so much more to you than that."

Simon leaned closer to you, his hand reaching out to hold your waist and the other at your chin. You looked up at Simon, grateful for his understanding and compassion.

"I know, but it's just so hard sometimes," you replied, your voice breaking again.

Simon pulled you into a hug, holding you close. "I know, love. But you're not alone. I'm here for you. You're not defined by your appearance. You're a kind, caring person, with so much to offer the world. Why'd you think I chose to marry you?"

You clung to Simon for a moment, feeling the warmth of his embrace and the love he held for you.

"My love," he continued, brushing a stray hair from your face to tuck in your ear. "You are more than enough. You are an amazing person, inside and out. I'm not just saying that. It's the truth. Understand, baby? The truth."

"I ... I can't do this," you choked as your sobs echoed the bathroom. It was all too much. It's as if you don't deserve all of his compliments to your body.

Simon took you into his arms, holding you close and rubbing your back soothingly. "Tell me, baby," he asked, his voice full of concern. "What's going on in that pretty head of yours?"

You took a deep breath and hesitantly told him everything – about your insecurities, about how you never felt good enough, about how you hated how you looked like.

You leaned into Simon's embrace, seeking the warmth and comfort of his presence surrounding you. You close your eyes, trying to gather your thoughts and put them into words.

"It's just... I can't stop comparing myself to other people," you said finally, voice low and strained. "And every time I look at myself in the mirror, I just see all the things that are wrong with me. I can't seem to love myself, no matter how hard I try."

Simon squeezed your back, listening to you attentively.

"I know you mean well, Simon, but it's just so hard sometimes," you said, your voice still low and emotional. "I feel like everyone's always staring at me and judging me, especially when I wear something that shows off my body."

Simon's hand stroked your hair, trying to soothe your frazzled nerves. "You're beautiful, baby. And no one has the right to make you feel otherwise." He paused, his voice full of quiet intensity. "If anyone says anything to you, I'll deal with them, I promise."

Despite feeling down, you find yourself chuckling with tears in your eyes. His jokes were just so random and out of place, but you appreciated it nonetheless. Simon's voice was gentle and comforting as he pulled you closer to the hug, swaying your bodies in a slow, rhythmic motion.

"Tell me, pretty baby," he whispered, his eyes locked onto yours. "What's eating away at you?"

You took a deep breath, trying to gather your courage before you answered. "Well, it's my cheeks firstly," you said quietly, voice shaking slightly. "They're too huge.."

Simon's arms tightened around you, his voice filled with compassion. He leaned away from the hug and cupped your cheeks together. "Huge? Really, baby?" he asked.

"Yes, really..." You leaned into his embrace again, feeling the warmth of Simon and the love he held for you.

"Pretty baby," He said, cupping your cheeks again together. "I love these chubby cheeks you have. It makes you look like a hamster and god, you look so cute with them, don't you know that?"

"But everyone else has a perfect appearance," you said, voice barely above a whisper. "I feel like I'll never be able to measure up."

Simon's eyes closed for a moment, as if he were searching for the right words to say. "You don't have to compare yourself to anyone else," he said finally, his voice fierce. "You're perfect just the way you are, my love. And I'll always be here to remind you of that."

Simon then kissed both of your cheeks affectionately and you feel tears welling up in your eyes again. He asks, "Do you have any more?"

You sighed. "What about my hips and thighs?" You continued, voice shaky with insecurity. "They're too big, too curvy. I'll never be able to wear the things I want to wear."

Simon's face softened even more as he listened to your words, his eyes full of understanding.

"Sweet baby," He coos at you and carefully places both of his hands onto your waist. "Your hips and thighs are a part of you, and they're beautiful. Nobody has the right to tell you otherwise. Your curves are beautiful and I love how it fits well in my hands when I hold them to touch you."

Your tears wouldn't stop running down.

"They're my love handles from you, my love," He added and it had struck a chord in your heart. You felt a weight lifted off your shoulders. His words had been like a balm to your soul, and you leaned into his embrace more, feeling a sense of peace and comfort wash over you.

Your tears continued to fall, but they were no longer those of sadness and insecurity. They were tears of gratitude, for having found someone who truly valued and loved you for who you are – curves and all.

You looked up at Simon, your eyes shimmering with a mix of joy and gratitude. "Thank you, Si’," you whispered, sniffing as you do so.

Simon stroked your cheek gently, his eyes full of love and affection. "You're welcome, baby. Fuck, I love you so much. Don't you ever forget that, okay?"

Simon's words hit you like a ton of bricks, lifting a weight you didn't even realize was there off of your shoulders.

"I love you too, Si'." You replied and rested your head on his shoulder, softly breathing in your choked sobs.

"I just want to love myself like how you love me." You cried into his embrace, all of the pain and insecurity you'd carried with you for so long finally coming to a head.

"I believe in you, love," Simon replied, his voice filled with conviction. "You're strong and capable and beautiful, inside and out. You don't need anyone else's approval to be those things. And I promise, I'll always be here to remind you of who you truly are."

You felt his arms tighten around you, his embrace warming you from the inside out. His words of encouragement filled you with a newfound sense of confidence, and you felt a sense of hope rising within you.

As Simon's words registered with you, you felt the weight of the tears rolling down your cheeks like an onslaught. You had been carrying the burden of your insecurities for so long, and the idea of someone else understanding what you were going through, and even accepting you for who you are, made you feel like maybe there was still hope.

Simon's embrace grew even tighter as he held you, his chest rising and falling with each breath he took. You could feel the comfort and warmth exuding from his body, and it made you feel like you were at home.

"Thank you," you said, nuzzling into his neck further. "I don't know what I would do without you, Si'"

"You'll never have to find out," Simon replied, his voice full of determination. "I'll be here for you, always. You're not alone, love. We'll face your insecurities together."

With those words and a kiss to your shoulder, you felt a sense of peace and acceptance wash over yourself. You knew that, with Simon on your side, you could get through anything, even your own perceived flaws and imperfections.

You leaned into his embrace more, feeling safe and loved for the first time in what felt like forever.

A/N: what the fuck. this made me cry again holy shit this rlly hit a nerve inside. what have u done to me anon !! jk i love this <//3

and to anyone who related to this, if you're feeling insecure about your body and struggling with body image issues, it's important to remember that you are so much more than your appearance. Everyone has their own unique features and qualities that make them special and valuable. Try to focus on your positive traits, both inside and out :) Surround yourself with supportive people who see you for who you truly are and appreciate you for all that you are. Remember that it's okay to have days where you don't feel your best, but try to be gentle with yourself and give yourself time to heal and grow <//3

Remember that you are not alone, and there are people who care about you and can help you through this difficult time !! It might be helpful to seek professional help or support groups if you feel like you're struggling. Ultimately, remember that your worth as a person is not tied to your appearance or weight. You are so much more than your exterior and deserve love and kindness no matter what. <//3

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all2angels · 4 months

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BURIED MYSELF ALIVE | basement!gerard x reader

warnings: this is kinda intense don't read if sensitive, NSFW!!, exaggerated writing, kinda cringey but it's meant to be like that, gerard is sooo gross and pathetic, i've never written a bj scene before please be kind 🙏 probably a lot of grammar and spelling mistakes because i could not bring myself to proofread im sorry

this was the last place you wanted to be in, like, this was genuinely a fucking hellhole.

when you walked in, the smell was almost rancid. his room was filled with trash, half eaten chips, mountains of unwashed laundry, socks that had something in it that you didn't want to think about.

he offered for you to sit on his bed, you didn't want to, but it seemed like a better option than the floor, so you sat on the edge of bed.

you hated yourself for having the slightest bit of empathy, then maybe you wouldn't be in this place. gerard had asked you if you wanted to watch a horror movie at his place after you bonded over the topic one day, and you said yes, but have been putting it off for about three weeks.

all of your friends told you to cancel on it, they said that gerard wss a gross pervert freak and that you wouldn't want anything to do with him, but whenever he'd asked you if you still wanted to watch a movie with him he'd look so pathetic and desperate, you didn't have the heart to say no. but you definitely wished you declined it.

gerard was walking all over the place, with a panicked look and rummaging through his stuff. you thought, he was probably looking for the cd that had the movie. you wondered how he could find anything in this place. while he was looking, you looked over at his bedside table, seeing dirty magazines. you let out a scoff. couldn't he have at least hidden those before i came over?

"please don't be mad.." he says, his voice filled with guilt, "i know you've- we've waited for weeks, but i can't find my cds." he takes a seat next to you, and you held your breath. he stared at you, you didn't know what to do or say, he was just staring awkwardly.

"it's... fine? i guess..." you said, unsettled by the way he looked at you. you swear that he almost leaned in, and you were trying to prevent anything like that to happen. his eyes was filled with infatuation, and yours was filled with absolute disgust. the way he looked at you made you feel dirty. he was so fucking pathetic, but it was kinda hot how much he seemed to like you, how much he seemed like he wanted to please you.

you turrned away from him out of pure embarrassment that you thought in the slightest bit that gerard 'pervert' way was attractive or hot, but you couldn't help it. you decided that the only way to stop these thoughts was to get the fuck away from here.

"hey, i should go..." you spoke up, standing up from the spot in his bed you were sitting in. you waited for him to say something, but he just looked at you and frowned. he looked like he was about to cry. jesus fucking christ you could throw up right now.

"gerard...? are you okay?" you sigh, sitting back down. you couldn't leave him like this. you hesitate, but you put your hand on his back, comforting him. you didn't want to ask, you wanted to get out, "what's wrong?" you say through gritted teeth.

"i'm really lonely, y/n, please don't go." he rests his head on your shoulder. he started to ramble on about something, you tuned out his voice. the more he talked, the more you started to impatient.

"you're so fucking pathetic..." you said. out loud. fuck. your eyes widened, realizing that he had heard it. he lifted his head, but the had his gross hand on your thigh. you were going to apologize, but the way that he looked shocked made you want to rage.

"are you serious?" you snap, he looks confused and hurt. "you couldn't possibly think you had a chance, c'mon dude. you're so- i mean, you're a freak."

"i jus', uhm, i-i like you—" before he could even finish his sentence you laughed at him. no fucking way. you turned to him again, seeing his eyes, you knew he was being genuine. his eyes were red from crying, his cheeks flushed.

"you're so fucking pathetic, gerard. shouldn't come across as a suprise, i don't like you back." you say, standing up to leave, but before you could he reaches for your hand. his hand was calloused, it was rough.

"please-" he begs, "please, listen— i promise you..." he doesn't know what to say, but he wants you to stay so bad. "I'll do anything for you. I'll do anything."

"no! stop it, okay? i. don't. like. you. get that shit through your head. i don't even want to be your friend, okay, you-" he cuts you off this time with a kiss. he tastes horrible, but you don't stop it. fuck it, you think. you liked the kiss.

he breaks the kiss, you could feel his hard dick on your thigh, his face is close to yours. "give me a chance, please..." he says.

you sighed and pushed him onto his messy bed, making him sit on the end of the bed and going on your knees in front of him. you start to unbuckle his belt, then you undo his zipper. you could hear him whimper. you take out his dick, a little part of you at least expected him to have a big dick, but he doesn't. the size was fine, not like it was too small. it wasn't trimmed, and the smell was somehow stronger than other dude's dicks. you try not to think about it too much and hold your breath.

you tease the tip, licking off the precum which tasted sweet and bitter. you swirled your tongue around his tip, and feel him twitch. "fuck..." he moans. you feel his hands on your hair, petting you softly, it felt awkward though, you just brushed past it.

you give his dick a few pumps, hearing him beg for you hurry up. you spit on your hand, messily spreading it on his shaft before you part your lips to take him into your mouth. you look up at him, seeing his eyes closed and head back. you kept on moving up and down, he lets out a loud groan.

you continued on bobbing your head up and down, you teased his balls. he made such pretty noises when you did that.

you kept your pace steady until you started to feel his dick twitch in your mouth, you began to quicken your speed until he eventually released his load in your mouth, it spread to your face and chest, whatever was left in your mouth you swallowed.

he dropped onto his bed, panting heavily. you cleaned yourself up with a cloth you hoped was clean on his bed. it was probably filled with cum anyway.

you sat next to him. his dick was still out.

"c-can we do that again?" he tiredly asked, looking over to you.

you sighed heavily. "i guess so, whatever. just don't tell anyone." you warned, rolling your eyes. welp.

#gerard way x reader #gerard way smut #basement gerard way x reader #mcr x reader #my chemical romance x reader #all2angels

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thoughtsforsoob · 29 days

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Hiii!I hope that you're doing well!

Can you please write smth about Soobin taking care of you on your period + cuddles at the end?

He looks so soft and cuddly.I just want to squish him so badly.I just want him to hug me to sleep when I am dying due to cramps.

Have a nice day/night<3

a/n: hello anon! thank you for sending this request! im sorry it has taken me so long to get to you but here you go! please enjoy and as always, inbox is open!

soobie is always serious when it comes to your periods. he goes out of his way to make sure you're comfortable and have everything you want and need. he hates when you get embaressed to ask him for things like pads or even snakcs that you're craving because he wants you to feel comfrtable with him. he gives you a pouts when you hesitate to ask him for something and he finally makes you cave and ask for said thing. anyways...

last night, the two of you had a sleep over. soobin had came straight to you apartment after his schedules and you two spent some much needed time together. you watch movies, did face masks, made popcorn and cookies. all the goos stuff you two loved doing together. everything was fine and dandy until the next moring...

you had woken up before soobin and immediately, you knew something was off. your eyes go wide when you realize what's just happened to you. you pull up the blankets and discover evidence your suspicion. there was a small stain of blood on the sheets surrounding your lower half. you started to panic, hoping soobin wouldn't wake up and see the mess you've made. you were thinking he would be disgusted but in the back of your mind, you knew he wouldn't. he would understand.

you try to slip out of bed but obviously, soobin immediately notices what you;re doing and pulls you closer. poor baby was still tired and half asleep so he had no idea why you were trying to get out of bed. "soob? please? i have to go do something." you whine and gently place a kiss on his forehead. he groans and doesn;t let you go, only pulling you closer. "whats wrong hmm? what do you have to do that's more important than my cuddles." he pouts at you with that sleepy look in his eyes still. you think about lying to him but it wouldn't have worked. he would've seen right through you. so, you build up the courage to tell him straightforward. "soobie, i got my period. i kind stained my sheets a little too. it's okay if you wanna get out of bed now. im sorry. it's gross-" he cuts you off with a peck on your lips.

"you're so silly, baby. what do you mean 'gross'? you know i would never think that's gross. it happens. now lets go clean you up and throw these sheets in the wash. okay? im here. you can talk to me. depend on me." soobin smiled at you, his doughy cheeks forming his dimples. you almost reach over to take a bite of his cheek. "you're the sweetest, soob. thank you for not making me feel weird about this."

afterwards, he makes sure you get into a warm shower and let's you have some privacy while you shower. he goes back into the bedroom and takes off the sheet, taking it to your washer and throwing it inside, as well as a towel in the dryer for when you get out of the shower. he grabs a new set of sheets and puts them onto your bed. once he was done, you were finsiing up in the shower so he starts his plan to absolutely baby you the rest of the day. he grabs the warm towel from the dryer and goes to give it to you.

you were happy to see him passing you a warm towel and he even wraps you up and gets you dressed in some plush pjamas you loved. he laughed at the little sleep sheeps printed on them but you didn;t care, they were cute! he suprises you by picking you up off your feet and carrying you all the way back to your bed, that now had fresh sheets. he smiles when he sees the wide eyes you havve due to the changed sheets. "soobie, you did all this? i could've done it myself-" you were cut off by a shot of pain erupting in your tummy. you practiculy cave in and roll into a ball on the bed. soobin frowns, seeing the cramps begining to kick in. "ill be back bubbie. let me get you your pills for those horrible cramps. okay?" you nod up to him and he runs off, coming back in record time with water, your pills, and something to nibble on before and after your pill so you don't feel sick.

once you've taken your pills for the pain, soobin puts your water on the beside table and get's into bed behind you. he pulls you close into his chest and holds you tight. of couse, he also asks if it's okay you rub your belly a bit. "well, if you let me, my hands are kinda warm. maybe some tummy rubs can help?" he learned this from huening, of course, who would rub his hyungs tummy as a joke and when he needed some comfort. if you allow him, he put his big hands on your tummy and rubs away, gently.

overall, he works endlessly to assure your comfort, going to whatever lengths it takes to make sure you're happy and not in too much pain.

#txt fluff #txt imagines #txt headcanons #txt reactions #txt #soobin x reader #soobin fluff #choi soobin #soobie boobie #tomorrow x together

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pansear-doodles · 7 months

Text

Twitter doc version (which is slightly longer and more detailed)

I reflected a bit. I kept insisting i would change and stop making mistakes. However, some individuals made me snap to the reality that I have not been doing it, and they were right.

I realized that I have been blurring this line of something for myself and something for my standing. I kept telling myself that there aren't any true stakes when this blog is made for me and my twitter is made for me. I'm no longer in the area where I can wholly express my emotions (well, i still could, but with a limit), and I would constantly create posts that exhibit that I'm emotionally vulnerable, which to many, including Wayne, finds wrong and upsetting.

I have not been understanding my true needs and have been essentially denying it. I have mangled my love of art and something between personal and something thousands of people can see. I have been undermining how far my signals can reach, believing that "this is my art blog, so i do whatever i want", that's true, but i never really understood its limits.

Some of you may find me gross after the revelation. I suppose it was the manner of opinions from that topic. While it's wrong to leak private information, especially when you're not up to date with said information, the very information itself is not a matter of technicalities- that would be something that is up to you on deciding who i am as a person from there forward. I'm sorry you had to discover it. Everyone has a bit of their strange side. And I'm starting to accept that not everyone is going to agree or support me on this. It was an uncomfortable change. I'm going to miss some people. But holding onto this baggage will not do anything for me. I must carry on. Yes. I did draw those things. So what? I know it was a mistake to draw that very specific part and I'm sorry for that; I learned of it long before the rumors started to appear and I have stopped doing it since. Do I have irrefutable proof? Of course not, unfortunately. But I am telling the truth here.

People can absolutely choose to decide their opinion of the idea of it, and if you decide to see me as a bad person for it, that's okay, but I never intended to harm anyone with it. Nobody was harmed. It was only exchanged between consenting adults and nothing more.

I never asked to be popular, but i subconsciously rode that wave. If Wayne is correct on one thing they said about me, it's that i let these conflicting emotions control me. For years i have been doing this because I grew up in bad environments where stuff like this was desensitized. I thought Wayne wanted me gone because they hated me. Well perhaps, some of it is true. Even back when we were friends, it was hard to read them, which made me walk eggshells. But nonetheless I do think Wayne did it out of care, but they did it in the worst way possible.

I didn't have the best reaction. I was too hasty because I panicked. I should have made a document that really details things that's been going on between us and the other things Wayne's done in SC (im doing that actually, one step at a time). For now though, I want to make this post for the purpose of saying that- yes, I haven't been innocent and I have been constantly hurting myself, in front of so many others nonetheless.

You would see me vent. You would see me make "pity parties". You would see my emotional vulnerability. Again, i thought with this blog and my twitter account, since it is my personal spaces, i thought it was fine. But of course it wasn't. I forgot that there are thousands of eyes, even minors who aspire from my work.

I haven't been good to myself. I made things worse and worse. I didn't know how to handle it despite dozens, if not, hundreds of people telling me. And now after realizing it, I wanted to take it to my own matters, for my own good and safety, and for the safety of others and people who worry for me and care about me. Despite all the damages, if I really want to make a change, I must really show it.

From this day on, I'll be making different blogs. One is a more personal, smaller blog where I can really express myself and would not use primary popular tags. One where i dump all of my negative emotions that are private and overlyvulnerable. And one blog- this one- where I can show my art to the world. It was stupid of me to not have thought of this solution before, but it's better late than never. I would only show these side blogs to my friends and the people who are genuine with me rather than those who idolize me only for my art. I should really make a clear boundary between the me on the fandom side of things, and the me on the myself side of things.

I plan to make my twitter inactive. I don't know why I've been insistent on keeping it up, but now i know and it's an ugly side of me i denied constantly: I kept it up for fame, because I equated fame to my self importance- which isn't good. You would see it evidently when I get upset about the numbers. It was easier for people to access my stuff. This amount of attention has become a detriment to my mental health but, back then, shutting it down would subconsciously mean that "the bad people won". Throughout growing up on the internet, I'd see these artists back away from their popular accounts. I didn't really understand why. I never did. But now I really know. A sacrifice has to be made, and it would be something that helps me most of all. Plus, twitter is too negative for me. I would really only use it to look at art and news, but all the other drama sticks and paparazzi and blegh- no man i think id rather sit here.

I *may* still occasionally post things there, but I'd primarily post on tumblr, where things are more relaxed.

So what did I want? Fame or comfort? My comfort was entangled in fame and it became an uncomfortable experience. What I desired to draw became also the desire from others. In truth, i definitely enjoy making rain world art. I love making my anthro au. The very reason why I made Rain world fanart in the first place was because I was sad and drawing the characters where they were happier and loved helped me cope. I anthromorphize the characters with this empathy. I believe this was the biggest reason why the anthro au was made. It was made because of the high empathy, which is why it was meaningful and closest to me- and I loved when other people understood and loved it too. My feelings were understood. I surrounded myself with friends and people and took great comfort when they shared this experience with me. And I was touched every time someone else showed their anthro au, with or without my influence. I never felt alone in these moments. I felt like I was seen. But i know not everyone is going to be my friend and not every output everyone makes is for my own likeness. There were those who wanted to be my friend for my fame and nothing more. And those who expressed that they didn't like my anthro au, i unfortunately took them as personal attacks. This is definitely not the case at all, and I'm sorry for invalidating any forms of critiques. This was an awful thing for me to do and everything got carried away in the end. I likened my au too much to the point its starting to become something that controls my judgement.

The matter of filtering what I post isn't censorship. It isn't invalidating my feelings and it isn't the matter of controlling out of fame. It is a matter of defending myself and in turn keeping others safe. The very reason why my insecurities kept getting enabled was because of me and not what other people do to me (well, it can be, but i admit I'm not completely clean from it). If people truly want to empathize with me, it should really only be my loved ones and me taking alone time like watching yt videos or taking walks.

As for the frequency of updates, people take issue with my lack of time and breaks. Admittedly, I have been having issues of time senseless for the past months and amnesia. A whole week can feel like a few days, a single day can feel like a whole week, two weeks can feel like a month. So on. These are side effects of my mental illness and I should work on it better. Like making alarms.

I thank everyone who has been very patient with me throughout my time in this fandom. I thank my followers who stuck by me despite everything. I thank my friends who cared for me and remained my friends throughout it all. I'm sorry I haven't been the best artist to those I have affected. I'm sorry I haven't been giving great examples. I'm sorry for being stuck up on believing that whatever I'm doing is correct and have been avoiding the criticism of it. And most of all, I'm sorry to everyone whose advice I ignored, even Wayne.

Overall, I'm taking one step at a time for these things. Block people liberally- that's something I've been avoiding because it felt mean, but I should utilize more. Of all of my ignorance, emotional breakdowns, the wrongs i did upon myself which then to others, I never meant any of it maliciously. There is no black and white here. Only gray morals. Wayne was a shitty person, but I was a shitty person too. I haven't been nice to myself, but starting now, I will be a little bit more selfish (in a way that helps me and doesn't hurt other people). How you evaluate me as a person is up to you. I'll welcome anyone who's nice to me in my specific spaces regardless.

But no matter what happens, I'll push forward. Because I love art and I love my friends, and I'll keep fighting for it and against the horrors that keep me from self-respect. I should focus on the things that make me happy.

Thank you, everyone. I truly mean it.

#thoughts #drama #ask to tag #long

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