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lady-divine-writes · 5 years

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Kurtbastian one-shot “Spirits of the Past” (Rated PG13)

Summary:

An old friend comes back into Kurt and Sebastian's lives. It turns into both a blessing and a curse. (2279)

Notes:

A lot of people had wondered when we'd be seeing Blaine Anderson. Well, here he is ... Also, I wrote a similar story for another pairing. There are a lot of differences between the two, I promise :)

Part 54 of Daddies

Read on AO3.

“Daddy! Papa! I have something I need to show you!” Thomas races full tilt thru the living room and into the kitchen, sliding across the linoleum in socked feet with Hepburn scrambling behind, stopping mere inches from his two dads preparing breakfast at the stove.

Well, Kurt is preparing breakfast. Sebastian is stealing bacon every time he thinks Kurt isn’t paying attention.

Little does he realize Kurt has been keeping a mental tally, and has every intention of making his husband repay him for the pilfered pieces.

“Ten points!” Sebastian cheers between chews, offering his son a high-five.

“Sebastian! Don’t encourage him!” Kurt scolds, stacking pancakes one by one onto a large serving plate. “Thomas! What have I told you about running in the house?”

“I’m sorry, Papa! But I had to come tell you … I got one! I really got one!”

“Got one what, Tom-Tom?” Sebastian asks while Kurt, cracking eggs into a bowl for scrambling, shudders. The last time Thomas said those words, he came bounding into their bedroom covered in head-to-toe mud, carrying something Kurt could only describe as furry, squeaky, and highly unamused.

Luckily, it wasn’t rabid. In fact, it was microchipped, and belonged to their neighbor a few houses down.

“An EVP!” he announces proudly, holding up a silver digital recorder. “I was right! I told you! Our house is haunted!”

Eggs forgotten for the moment, Sebastian and Kurt turn to one another and share a look – Sebastian’s of pure amusement, Kurt’s of mild terror.

“Are you sure?” Sebastian asks.

“Oh, absolutely!” Thomas says, beaming with confidence. “I listened to it five times! It’s definitely an EVP! It sounds exactly like the ones I heard on the YouTube videos new Uncle Blaine messaged me!”

“New Uncle Blaine,” Kurt grumbles, and Sebastian snorts, almost shooting a piece of unchewed pork out his nose.

Blaine’s return to their lives has been an interesting development. After Kurt and Sebastian’s run-in at Vogue with Kurt’s now ex-intern, Sebastian hopped on his cell phone and spent the remainder of that afternoon talking to Blaine Anderson for the first time in years. Apologies were made from Sebastian to Blaine, and then from Blaine to Kurt, and after an hour long cry session, they invited Blaine out for the weekend to bury the hatchet yet again and meet Thomas. It was strange, and mildly surreal, how he was able to fit into the life that Sebastian and Kurt have made for themselves. Kurt always thought reuniting with Blaine would be awkward, even painful, but it’s been none of that. He’s the same boy Kurt first met at Dalton, more so now with his flourishing career as a recording artist, but with none of the hang ups he had after they broke up. It’s been nice having this new/retro version of Blaine around. It makes both Kurt and Sebastian feel like teenagers again.

Save for one thing …

When Blaine met Thomas, they hit it off immediately, probably because he brought chocolate chip cookies and regaled him with all the stories about his parents as teenagers that they had yet to divulge. While the three adults caught up, Kurt mentioned their recent summer vacay to the sunny California coast, and Blaine told a tale of how he recently recorded a video at the Winchester Mystery House in San Jose – reportedly one of the most haunted houses in America.

Kurt had considered putting a kibosh on that conversation, considering how much anxiety Thomas had surrounding the subject of ghosts and death. Kurt’s biggest fear was that it would churn up memories of Thomas’s mother, and that he wouldn’t sleep at night.

Oh, how naïve he was.

Thomas was far from frightened. He was fascinated.

And Blaine, the consummate performer, loved having a captivated audience.

He indulged, telling Thomas how, during his teenage years, he thought that their school, Dalton Academy, might have been haunted.

“I remember that!” Sebastian had leapt in unhelpfully. “Didn’t people say there were cold spots in the common room at night?”

“A-ha,” Blaine had said. “Lights flickered on and off, doors shut on their own, kids had feelings of dread in the AP Chem lab ...”

“That’s probably because most kids couldn’t pass AP Chem,” Kurt had said, rolling his eyes.

“The teachers, too.”

“Yeah, well, how would you feel teaching a bunch of kids who kept failing your class?”

Kurt is a skeptic. He feels everything people claim as evidence of hauntings are easily explainable outside the realm of the supernatural. He did spend the better part of his formative years bunking in a renovated basement after all. From creaking floorboards to improperly installed doors and the occasional electrical fault, Kurt has seen it all, so he’s immune to the idea of a door slamming unexpectedly being proof that a house – or a school - is haunted, no matter how old the place is.

Of course, three headmasters had died at Dalton. And Dalton Academy did burn down under suspicious circumstances. They rebuilt it after a full investigation, but they never could nail down the cause of the fire.

But from that moment on, Thomas was hooked, determined to find out whether or not their own house – one that had been around since the turn of the century – was haunted.

Sebastian puts a hand on his husband’s shoulder and massages, but it’s cold comfort.

He blames him just as much for Thomas’s newest obsession as he does Blaine.

“Do you think maybe you can jump on this one?” Kurt asks while their son stands between them, arm outstretched, begging with poignant facial expressions for someone to ask him to press play. With any luck, he just recorded himself snoring, or talking in his sleep, something that would be easy to explain in a way that would neither frighten nor disappoint their inquisitive son. Kurt isn’t a big fan of the whole ghost hunting thing, but he doesn’t want to discourage his creative mind.

“Why?”

“Because if our house is haunted, I don’t want to know about it. I mean, we’ve lived here for over a decade. If there are disembodied spirits among us, obviously they’re happy with us seeing as we’ve never seen or heard a peep from them. I don’t want to ruin that relationship.”

Sebastian stares in awe at the skill of his husband, able to present a logical argument laced with sarcasm in a way that their precocious little boy won’t detect. But Sebastian can tell from the tone in Kurt’s voice that the next time they see Blaine, he’s in for an earful.

“Al-righty, then.” Sebastian takes his son by the shoulder and steers him towards the living room. “Come along, Tom-Tom. Let’s go have a listen.”

“Yay!”

Kurt watches the two wander off into the living room. Once the door closes behind them, Kurt can’t hear anything over the crackling of bacon (what’s left of it). Good, he assures himself. Because he’s absolutely not curious. If Thomas did find evidence of some long-dead prior owner’s ghost in their house, and he doesn’t believe for one minute he did, he doesn’t need to know about it. He doesn’t believe it anyway, so why is this a question? It’s not. It has no bearing on his life whatsoever. And it doesn’t matter one inch that when they first moved in, he used to get chills in the oddest places – like the completely insulated coat closet in the hall, or the windowless shower with the scalding hot water running; or the fact that he avoided Sebastian’s renovated den-turned-rec room for weeks before he had it completely re-done because walking in there just made him … sad.

He stands by what he said.

Though he might start dressing underneath a towel, just because.

Not too long after the pair leaves, Sebastian returns carrying the recorder and wearing an indecipherable look on his face. Kurt watches him anxiously, waiting for an explanation, but his infuriating husband doesn’t give him one. Instead, the grin on his face widens steadily, it seems, in correlation to the size Kurt’s eyes become.

“Well?” Kurt says, even though, again, he doesn’t want to know. He’s just been making breakfast – scrambling eggs and buttering toast, not at all overanalyzing every minute he’s spent alone in their house when he’s had to rationalize something that’s happened that he couldn’t outright explain.

“Well, he definitely caught something.”

“W-was it Hepburn farting?” Kurt swallows hard. “Because I think his new diet might not be agreeing with him.”

“No,” Sebastian says somberly. “It’s definitely not that. But it’s thought provoking, to say the least.”

The top of Kurt’s head goes cold. His hands begin to shake, the beating of his heart vibrating his entire body. But he fights for calm because if there’s one thing Kurt doesn’t believe in, it’s ghosts. Or God. Or life after death of any kind. If he had, it would have made his entire life from eight to eighteen much easier to bear. And that’s one of the reasons he can’t believe now. If he listens to that recording and it happens to be real, then what does that mean for his entire life view? His take on the universe and his place in it?

“Oh God!” Kurt groans, forgetting about breakfast and putting his hands over his eyes. “No!”

“What’s wrong?”

“Of all the things I don’t need to worry about! I don’t want to deal with ghosts, Sebastian! I can’t!”

“Kurt …”

“Because talking about ghosts leads to talking about death, and talking about death leads to talking about God and heaven, and these are concepts I’m just not comfortable coming to terms with right now! Not with my history on the subject, and definitely not his!”

“Kurt …”

“Besides, think of what living in a haunted house would involve! You saw The Amityville Horror! The Conjuring! The Woman in Black! Between the investigators and the séances and the television interviews - I really really don’t have the time for that!”

“Kurt! I don’t think we’ll have to worry about that.”

“Really?” Kurt’s hands slide down his face. “So you’re okay with us living here with the ghost of Aunt Annie roaming around the halls at night, cursing me to eternal damnation for not putting raisins in my rice pudding since everyone over the age of fifty thinks they belong there, and for violating the bed where her twelve blessed children were born with our heathenous ways?”

“Raisins? Heathenous? Wha---Kurt …” Sebastian snickers “… who the heck is Aunt Annie?”

“I don’t know! It just sounded old tyme to me.”

“Kurt, honey” - Sebastian wraps an arm around his agitated husband’s waist - “I didn't realize how uncomfortable this might be for you. But if it makes you feel any better, the solution to this might be less complicated than you think.”

“Wh-what … what do you mean less complicated? What happened in the living room!?”

“I listened to what he recorded, and I agreed it sounded ominous. Then I gave him $20 for it, and promised him an additional $20 if he swore to let this go and never try to record an EVP again.”

“Wha---why? Is it that bad?” Kurt asks, imagining screeching and wailing and blood thirsty howls, things that he and Sebastian might not have heard because, ironically, they sleep like the dead.

“Why don’t you listen for yourself?”

Kurt’s eyes pop open at such a phenomenal speed, Sebastian swears he hears a snap. “Why would I want to listen to it!? I’m asking you specifically because I don’t want to …!”

Sebastian presses play without waiting for Kurt to finish, and for all of Kurt’s arguing to the contrary, he goes quiet so he can listen. According to the counter on the recorder’s display, whatever Thomas heard starts at over two hours in. Thomas goes to bed at 8, so that would make this around 10 something. Kurt and Sebastian would have still been up. But Kurt doesn’t remember hearing anything.

The loudest noise on the recording is the soft inhale-exhale of their son sleeping, followed by rhythmic snuffling from Hepburn. But not long after, another noise starts. It’s muffled, intermittent. To the untrained ear (and through several walls and closed doors) it does sound very ominous, like the notes of a sustained and painful cry rising up from the depths of hell below.

But to someone who knows exactly what they’re listening to, it’s clear, and Kurt blushes bright red to the roots of his highlights.

It’s the sound of him moaning in the farthest thing from pain.

“So, would you say that’s twenty bucks well spent?” Sebastian asks, grinning like a goblin.

“Yes.” Kurt clears his throat, reaching out to turn the recorder off before he hears something that makes his face ignite. “Good call.”

“Thank you.”

“In other news, I am now very self-conscious of my sex noises.”

“Don’t be,” Sebastian growls, grabbing a healthy handful of his husband’s left ass cheek and squeezing. “I think your noises are damn sexy. Besides, everyone thinks they sound weird when they hear themselves on tape.”

“Did he happen to catch you on there?”

“Oh, yeah.”

“And …?”

“Oh me?” Sebastian chuckles, snagging a plate for himself, and one for Thomas, camped out in the living room, waiting for his breakfast and imagining how he’s going to spend his newfound wealth. “I sound amazing!”

“You know, if you tell Blaine about this, I’m going to kick you where the sun don’t shine.”

Sebastian laughs out loud. “Steel-plated chonies it is,” he says, side stepping Kurt’s foot and jogging the rest of the way.

#kurtbastian #sebkurt #sekurt #frankie writes

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dakotahiggins-blog1 · 5 years

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Having visited for the first time as a high schooler at the ripe age of 17, I can confidently say that I experienced Cabo before Cabo experienced its boom. Well over a decade later, the place looks completely different to my eyes.

When the first hotel, Palmilla, opened in 1956 essentially as a sports club, Cabo San Lucas and its older brother San Jose del Cabo (combined to make Los Cabos) made up a quiet beach paradise…and then Jack Nicklaus came in the 60s for his go-to golf vacays. As time went on, the sleepy fishing village kept bringing in hotel rooms and groomed golf courses. Cut to 2019. The secret was out.

Luxury hotels are definitely keeping up with population growth, and nothing pairs better with a jacuzzi suite than a world-class golf game and a side of guac. I was keen on participating in this renaissance.

Esperanza Resort

Last week I checked into a hotel I’ve heard about many times. Esperanza Resort from the Auberge collection had me at HELLO HOLA HI HEY HOW YA DOIN? Sorry for the caps, but emphasis was necessary. Sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name and they’re always glad you came. Esperanza should probs be featured in the Cheers opening credits because it’s exactly that way. “Hola Ms. Murphy! Como estás Mr. Murphy?!” It’s funny because Alex is so often referred to as Mr. Murphy during our travels. I think he’s totally fine with it The many highlights included…

Cocina del Mar

I’m not sure I’ve ever dined at a more beautiful/romantic setting. Maybe so, but it’d take a while to think about and wonder if it truly competed with a setting perched atop cliffs overlooking Esperanza’s two private beaches as waves crash below. The entire resort blends well with the surroundings, almost like it arrived with the land itself. So much soul, so much nature, so much LET ME LIVE HERE PLEASE.

I digress. Order the ravioli and banana soufflé. My mouth is watering just thinking back on it…

Playa Paraiso

This seaside experience centered around a colorful cabana, food, and relaxation nestled in the resort’s private beach where each palapa features a day bed, playful swing, a speaker and private butler service (shoutout Roberto!). We began the day with a yoga class followed by breakfast and then an I’m-really-full-need-to-lounge session. Life was really good in that palapa.

Palapa Room

Room 54 was a masterpiece. Not only designed beautifully with beachy vibes and relaxing hues, but the room came with a massive terrace and jacuzzi AND puppies. Yes, puppies. One blissful afternoon I puppysat Ricky and Rosa, long-haired Chihuahuas from central Mexico who will be the cutest hotel mascot ever created. If you can beat that hotel amenity, let me know. I’ll wait.

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Chileno Bay Resort

I have to be honest. While change is healthy, change is challenging. I did not want to leave Esperanza Resort. I could birth my babies, live out a wonderful life and retire here. I drove up to Chileno Bay for check-in still holding onto this hope. (I was in denial.) I didn’t want to like Chileno Bay. It was a contemporary take on the classic Baja escape with an airy, open aesthetic that blurs the line between indoor and outdoor. Terrible, right? A red cart named “Tony” met us at check-in and gave us a Corona. Okay Tony with the beers. I see you. Chileno Bay was brand spankin’ new with beautiful young palm trees and pops of color and relaxing sounds coming from the pool area. Sounds horrific, right? The room had two showers and a bathtub decked in blue tile alongside an outdoor jacuzzi. So many bodies of water, so little time. The hydrotherapy kicked in and I realized I’d become obsessed with my new home. I think I’m gunna like it here…

Spa

I was told the 7,500-square-foot spa had a healing “ritual” I needed to partake in. Twist my arm, I did just that. The salt room, steam room, ice bath and reflexology pool were quite the highlight indeed alongside the massage and facial I experienced.

Food

The standout of Cabo was hands down the cuisine. I ate WELL and thus, gained 5 pounds, maybe six. Who knows? I don’t believe in scales. The only thing I’m sure about is this: The Auberge chefs are extremely talented and the creativity that went into meal settings was next level. One night we were eating at a spa after a 90-minute massage and then next on a cliff overlooking the sea at Mirador Point. Order the chicken. Don’t ask questions, just DO IT. And then follow up with churros.

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Fitness

I work out so that I can eat well and eat a lot. My relationship with fitness actually goes far deeper than that, but I want everyone to know that you don’t have to skip out on all the local yumminess when traveling. Eat the churro(s). Have the margarita. Just move the next day Your body will appreciate you! Chileno Bay Resort & Residences offers group fitness classes like yoga, Zumba, beach bootcamp and AQUA SPIN where you literally spin on a bike in the water. I KNOW. The only resistance is the water (yay low impact!), and I wish I could do this exercise daily.

Beach

The most desirable beach in Los Cabos resides here, known for its tranquil, swimmable waters and coral reefs where a short venture out to sea unveils an underwater world of tropical fish and sea turtles! With that being said, this beach is not private like Esperanza’s beach (which is rockier). Pros and cons but both beautiful in their own way!

They say third times a charm, and my third trip to Cabo was exactly that. For once, I let a lot of the craziness that I typically do take a backseat. Instead of a jam packed itinerary, I allowed myself to actually lounge and enjoy the scenery as I’ve experienced this town to epic proportions in the past. Cabo was where I was certified to scuba dive. I’ve been whale watching on a boat trip (totally recommend), and a visit to downtown Cabo requires a stop at The Office for margs and Ediths for everything else. Flora Farms is crazy beautiful, almost like Pinterest threw up in the desert of Cabo. I’ve never been one to plan out my wedding, but I left here thinking I could do the damn thing on these grounds.

I adore Cabo and the people in it. To Euanice, Mario Lopez, Lizabeth, Caesar, Javier, Yanni, Marc Rodriguez, Roberto, Miguel, Antonio, Francisco, Raúl, Saira, and Juliana: mil gracias por todo.

This little paradise has overcome hurricanes and tropical storms and cartel violence. 2018 saw a record 2.6 million visitors. I commend its perseverance. While I’d say it’s predictable because you know what you’re going to get…you know what you’re going to get! Lots of people like this and I, too, enjoy the certainty at times – no surprises, lots of sunshine, tequila in abundance and a 2 hour flight from LA. What’s not to love?!

All imagery by Alex Kavanagh, DRONEGEAR Productions

The post The Best Hotels in Cabo San Lucas appeared first on The Road Les Traveled.

#ffffff;

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cydcal · 7 years

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Beach time! Yay... kind of

So tomorrow we head out to the beach for our first family vacay. Packing is totally different now, when I have to plan for all a baby might need. Besides my husband and daughter, my mother-in-law and brother-in-law and his girlfriend are coming. I actually get a long with them well, so I'm excited. Except I know inevitably I will feel uncomfortable. My brother-in-law and his girlfriend are very thin and health conscious. My BIL almost to an obnoxious point because he buys into a lot of gimmicky, popular for now, health crap and thinks he knows it all better than me. Which is something, as a bigger person, I have always noticed. People treat my like I know nothing about health, simply because I am bigger. I actually know a lot about it, I just happen to also be a food addict and find it very hard to apply to myself. Anywho, I am getting nervous about being in a tank top or my swimsuit in front of them. In the past year I've gained so much, I know it'll run through their head, "she's put on so much weight, she's huge!". It would mine too if I'm being honest. But I am determined to focus on this as being a happy experience for my daughter. So I am putting on that swimsuit and getting out there with her. She doesn't judge me, she just wants me to be around and love her; that I can do forever 💗

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gwynne-fics · 7 years

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wei50-blog replied to your post “Board Meetings, Rachel & Young-Do, 10”

Thank you for the long chapter! Love seeing the new twists you put on the characters in each story! Fun to see the different feelings of both through all the different drabbles. <3 Young-Do seems to be the one who has a better idea how to relationship here? Or at least more comfortable at it! :) Lots of pink/ gold/yellow?

I’m glad you liked it. I really enjoyed this ficlet and was excited for it to post :D

Young-Do has had somewhat stable relationships in the past. He does know how to date and he enjoys it. His only real issue is that he never dated someone his economic equal. The women he spent time with, he could never really be sure that they were in the relationship for him or his money. He comments, I think, after the little vacay, he comments that he has no idea if he is any good at sex, because he was always with women who wouldn’t dare tell him if he wasn’t. He likes being with Rachel because she has nothing to gain by lying to him.

Distracted? Ridiculous in public? Tears? Aww R is having feelings and doesn’t know what to do with them! Can see how she both loves the idea of a home with YD but also is afraid? Seeing him relaxes her but having unscheduled sex almost causes a panic attack? And even though she wanted it, it was not an easy encounter? Why so important to R to have such rigid control? A panic attack? Wasn’t she spontaneous when they first took that weekend together at her vacation home?

Rachel is so lost! Part of this story will be her figuring this out but I should point out that the vacay was not spontaneous. She planned that for days with the express purpose of having sex with him. She chose everything and invited him in. While the rooms they live in are at his hotel, it is a new space for both of them. She’s not really comfortable there yet but she definitely wants to be there.

Rachel sees something she want for herself, and so is pushing herself to step out of her comfort zone! She is still going to be who she is, but wants to grow in this area of her life, even though process is challenging. I guess love is the motivator! :) Young-Do so cute dating Rachel! He knows her and is persistent, catching her at a good point in her schedule, finding out her interests.

Until Young-Do, Rachel never really saw a reason to address this issue she has or even try to work past it. She’s been able to work around it. Now, she’s living with a man that she cares about and wants to be with long-term and she’s terrified he’s going to notice this thing about her that’s not normal and maybe leave her. So that’s not helping but she’s still trying.

Yay cutie Young-Do!

#wei50-blog #gwynne replies #board meetings answers

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allaboutsofie · 5 years

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Hello and welcome to my new blogpost! I recently noticed that I haven’t blogged in more than a month so it’s really time to pick that up again. I like it and being in London makes me forget about it like all the time but since I had a weekend of 4 days off here I am again and this time with a big shopping haul. Enjoy reading!

Bershka

The first item I bought at Bershka is a basic mom jeans but with a bow. Actually, I’m more a skinny jeans kind of person but this time I wanted to buy something else and once I was at the fitting room I was surprised by how much I liked the jeans.

The second item I bought is a simple white t-shirt but with neon accents and some flowers. I also really like the quote that’s printed on the shirt. “Honey, what you give is what you get.” I’m also someone who likes to buy items who are trendy but I don’t like to stand out so a full neon shirt was for me a little too much but this one is perfect. I love it!

Zara

I also bought 2 items at Zara, a yellow top with long sleeves and yellow/grey/black checkered trousers. When I go shopping I also think in outfits. When I buy something I want to be sure that I can wear pieces together or separately with items I already have. And that’s why I like this new outfit so much. I can wear the top with other trousers, jeans, a skirt,… And I can wear the trousers with a basic black top or with a white shirt,… In the beginning I was a but unsure about buying it but now I’m obsessed haha.

Stradivarius

I shop we don’t have in Belgium but I really like is Stradivarius. So far I only bought one item there but it’s so cool! It’s a cropped black leather jacket but with a subtle animal print. Nowadays almost everyone has a leather jacket and I really wanted one too but not a basic one. As I said before, I like to wear trendy clothes but in my own way. And with this special leather jacket I think my mission is accomplished.

Primark

To be honest I’m not really a big fan of shopping loads of clothes at Primark but sometimes they do have nice pieces and for the price they ask for it, is it hard to resist. So I ended up buying a pair of shoes and a white t-shirt which has “vacay vibes” printed on it with a nice picture. I bought the shoes because of the animal print. I noticed that all my sneakers are or white or black so now I can not only wear animal printed clothes but also shoes, yay!

OFFICE Shoes

Last but not least was it time to buy new white sneakers because I had my previous ones for almost 2 years. I knew from the beginning that I wanted unique shoes or shoes with a special touch. I was considering Converse All Stars or Reebok shoes and yes, I ended up buying the Reebok ones. The full name of the sneakers is “Reebok Club C GS Trainers White Irridescent” I already wore them because the spring vibes are real this weekend and they’re so comfortable. I’m really happy with my new shoes!

These were all the items a recently bought and I love every single one. I have no regrets and since the weather is so lovely I’m glad I added a couple of new Spring items to my closet. What did you buy recently? Or do you have regrets about clothes you recently bought? Let me know about it in the comments! Have a lovely Easter Monday and enjoy the sunshine.

Lots of love, Sofie ♡

Spring ’19 Shopping Haul Hello and welcome to my new blogpost! I recently noticed that I haven't blogged in more than a month so it's really time to pick that up again.

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thoughtsoahr · 6 years

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Ooh yeah time for some realizations

*TRIGGER WARNING FOR PEOPLE SUSCEPTIBLE TO TALK ABOUT WEIGHT AND DISORDERED EATING*

So After a bout of weight gain thanks to freshmen 15 and two weeks on vacay, I have embarked on a task to lose this excess weight.

Seems fine, right? I was at a point where I could lose a few pounds and still be at a healthy weight. HOWEVER BIG BIG BUT(t), I had also had a past in disordered eating (which is a long ish story and will not get into rn). Knowing this, I decide to lose weight in a healthier way (which i am currently doing) and I have not weighted myself since god knows when but I do know my clothes are fitting better and i feel lighter per se so yay (its been a month since ive been losing this excess weight)

Also knowing about my previous eating disorder, I make sure to not push things too far and to not repeat my past habits (aka severe restriction, inflexibility, excessive exercise, INFLEXIBILITY INFLEXIBILITY INFLEXIBILITY)

this is kind of a prologue to the /real/ realization which is that I have this mentality that I can always do better, which, in theory, is a good mentality to have. Why stop at mediocre? If you can do better, then do it! No harm in trying to do better. But theres a line you (I) have to draw to prevent yourself (me) from going crazy, hating myself, and creating a self confidence so low not a peep of sunlight shines through. Example (following my prologue): In the midst, nay, almost peak of my eating disorder, I knew I was skinny. too skinny. My parents would remark how skinny i was and in the back of my head i knew i was unhealthily thin- 100 lb at 5′ 8″ thin. anyways, my mentality was the “do better” mentality. Why stop at 100 lb? Why not go below 100? If I can do it, why dont I? (Then some things happened and another realization, that i was severly underweight so i began to recover so yay) Example two, in college, especially well known universities, the student population is so TALENTED. Coming from a high school where i did not have to try that hard to graduate with honors (since the rest of the students were not particularly invested in school, not to say they didnt try), I was alwyas top of the class. I was used to it. So transitioning from top of the class to mediocre if not below average did a number, negative number, to my self esteem. I kept thinking, wow all these talented people around me, so smart, so driven, so just talented, why cant i be like that? So again, i wanted to be better. But sometimes, you cant be better. Sometimes youre doing your best. your best. and that is all that you need to do.

REalizaiton TLDR; be content in the position you are in the moment. You can still chase after goals, apsirations, you can be inspired by those around you and want to be in that position, that is okay too! But to do so healthily for both mind and body, be content inwho you are now. Dont see yourself as lacking an attribute, see yourself as a complete being who has the opportunity to add on extra pizzazz in the future, but if that extra pizzazz doesnt end up on you, youve got more than enough pizzazz that you can happily live without the extra.

#realizations bodyposi mentalhealth

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