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wtfsteveharrington · 2 days

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take the upper hand | carmen berzatto x reader

push the reset button we're becomin' something new

description: carmen berzatto is stubborn and anxious and doesn't always know how to express himself. your best friend drags you to a party that carmen knows you'll be at and he shows up to make amends and thank god he does because he saves you from dealing with some drunk asshole.

content warnings: angsty!! drinking/party scene, shitty drunk guy w/ a shitty guy mentality!!, reader gets hit on with one night stand suggestion tones, carmen's ready to swing, mentions of anxiety and jealousy. mentions of reader drinking. kissing, mentions of intimacy related scratches, some light smut references.

author notes: my first time posting something that isn't just smut!! also something that no one but me has read!! normally i always get a proof read, not today. but this idea has been rattling around in my ole noggin' for a minute now so here we are. reminder!! you are responsible for your own media consumption!! if this won't be your jam then there's tons of other fics in the sea (: ily thank you!

even if it's handcuffed i'm leavin' here with you

•• ━━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━━ ••

The last place you wanted to be tonight was some house party in Wicker Park. With Pitbull, of all artists, playing so loud in the basement that the floor upstairs was still vibrating. Everything was sticky and stinky and you did not wanna be here.

But your best friend was hooked on this guy from her gym.

It didn’t help that Carmy recognized his name from high school and mumbled out some remark about, “Oh yeah, no Dave’s a pretty solid guy.” She was convinced it was a sign that they were meant to be. Not to mention she found his mom’s Facebook and a post from two years ago that included his birth time. The whole train ride over you listened to how compatible the two of them were and how much she loved that he was a Scorpio rising.

She had begged you to come to this God forsaken party and help put in a good word for her. Something had her convinced that if you mentioned just how well you were getting to know Carmen to this Dave guy that he would hold your opinion of her in higher regards.

And sure, maybe there was a part of you that hoped Carmen would be here even while the two of you were feuding. He knew it was coming up but couldn’t promise he’d be off in time - Something you got quite used to. It normally didn’t bother you that he had so many late nights at the resturant but when it rains, it pours and now you’re stuck sitting next to the sink littered cups filled with what can only be best described as some sort of horrific finance bro jungle juice. A mix of 1942 and fresh pressed juice.

Your nose wrinkles up at the smell but you’re quickly refocused at the booming sounds of Ethan Callaghan stumbling through the back door. Another man Carmy knew from high school but didn’t like as much. Something about always being too in-your-face. Though you were pretty sure he was close with the guy your best friend was currently hooking up with in some random bedroom down the hall.

The second his eyes land on you there’s a lopsided smile being thrown your way as he tries to fluff his hair and stand up as straight as possible. He’s stumbling into the kitchen with a full drink in hand, droning on and on about how he was ‘just so jealous’ that your friend went into that bedroom earlier. How nice it must be to not end the night alone. No pleasantries at all, just right into the whole lonely and horny act that was grossing you out.

No one particularly knew you and Carmy were together yet - He wasn’t the type who wanted to label right away and potentially mess things up and you weren’t the type to out your dating status to random drunken men either. Besides, you weren’t so sure that ‘I have a boyfriend’ would put an end to this pitiful man’s sob story.

As if, on queue and manifested right out of thin air, Carmen rounds the corner and takes a second to soak in the sight in front of him. You’re sitting there with your eyes trained on the water bottle in your hands. Ethan’s yapping away about how pretty you are and how big his apartment is. An excellent view in Streeterville that you’d love to see with the best brunch place in town two blocks away blah, blah, blah. Your shoulders are hunched over, body leaning away from Ethan as he stands at the window watching his reflecting in the window above the sink.

“Hey - Been looking for you.”

Carmen.

Your head whips around to the sight of his voice instantly. There’s a pang in your chest at the sight of him standing in front of you after you two had been apart for these last few days. He looked tired. Wearing a sweater he knows you love because he wants to look nice for you. God you wanted to run over and crash yourself against his chest. Screw the petty fight. Instead you’re stuck giving him a very pointed look, hoping he takes the hint to save you.

He’d be lying if there wasn’t a split second where Carmen feared you were actually going to go home with this loser until he saw the panic and annoyance written across your face. Ethan’s laughing at the sight of him. “Hey, Dude. Think we’re all good here, yeah?” Oh he hates this dick.

There’s a thick level of tension in the room as Carmen squares up his shoulders and steps further into the room. His eyes are trained on Ethan who clearly wasn’t expecting much of a fight out of Carmy. He stops when he’s standing between your knees, putting himself between the two of you. Something about the way he instantly turned possessive turned up a feeling deep in your stomach no matter how annoyed you still were.

“Pretty sure someone out back was looking for you, Dude. It doesn’t seem like anyone in here wants you around. Now either you’re too fucking dense to realize it or you don’t care that you’re not wanted, but I’m here to let you know. So I suggest running out back and getting the fuck out of our hair.”

Ethan’s clearly entertained while looking between the two of you, a playful glint in his eye. You’re silently begging him to walk away and find yourself bringing a hand up to put on the small of Carmen’s back. While you’ve never seen him actually fight, you’ve seen many scraps between him and Richie. Heard stories of him growing up and heard the Bachelor party story.

You’re fine not having your own fight stories to tell.

T-Pain is now blasting in the background and the contrast of people laughing and singing downstairs versus the situation you’ve found yourself in is making your head spin. The whole time your best friend is clueless and wrapped up in Mr. Scorpio Rising. She owes you big time. Like you’ve secured friend of the year already and she needs to throw a parade in your honor after going through this.

Ethan’s finally putting his hands up in the air, that shit eating grin still plastered across his features. “My bad, my bad. Didn’t know you were already claimed.” Claimed. Gross. Your fingers press into Carmy’s back, a silent plea to beg him not to escalate this even more. He’s laughing at the sight of the two of you before snagging a half finished bottle of vodka off the counter and backing up towards the back door.

Carmen steps out from between your legs and follows Ethan to ensure he leaves. Shoulders pushed back, chest puffed out. You’d find the sight entertaining if you still weren’t so on edge. Carmen Berzatto, your protector.

And sure, he’s probably just making this asshole someone else’s problem for the night but he doesn’t care. The main priority is getting you away from him and getting you safe.

You catch the sight of his curls out of the corner of your eye when Carmen returns and instantly steel your spine. The shift in the air now that Ethan is gone was thick. He was a distraction from the distance between you two but now you’re preparing yourself for another argument when really you had no energy left to give it. There was a small worry that he’d think you gave Ethan any inclination that you were interested. Even though you two had been tense, there was never anyone else but you but him. Even if you’re too stubborn to drop that information just yet.

Carmen’s quiet. His heavy boots against the floor make your heart beat faster. Everyone had scattered out of the kitchen when he walked Ethan out of there but not before giving you two a nervous glance as they went. Some probably disappointed there wasn’t a fight if we’re being honest.

“Hey.”

You don’t dignify him with a response. Crossing your arms over your chest and taking a sudden interest in the magnets that littered this guy’s fridge. Toying with the idea of putting the ‘Area 51 is for Lovers!’ magnet in your pocket. You figured you deserved something for going through this hell of a night.

He stops himself once he’s reached your side, the silence awkward and thick in the air. Carmy’s hand is on your knee now, his touch not as firm as you’re used to. The whiplash of emotions once again not helping either of you know just quite where you stand.

“M’still mad at you.”

He winces but he knew it was coming.

The two of you wallow in silence. Carmy’s just about to finally speak but someone stumbles in on the hunt for vodka, takes one look at the annoyance on your boyfriend’s face, before quickly muttering they’ll find it somewhere else.

And you still won’t look at him.

He’s grabbing at your waist now, pulling you from the counter and against his chest. You wanna protest but there’s still a buzz going through your body that makes it hard to think quick enough to push back. Plus God does he feel warm and smell so good.

Carmy’s walking backwards towards the fridge, waiting until his back is flush against it to slide down. Bringing down those magnets you wouldn’t stop staring at, family photos, whatever was in his way came with the two of you. He’s tugging you until you’re straddling his waist while he brings his knees up to support you. Grabbing a hold of your face, finally making you look at him and fuck he looks like shit close up. Dark circles, hair a little messier than he’d normally allow, a bit of fear deep in his eyes.

“You gotta tell me how to fix this.” It’s all unfamiliar territory for him. There wasn’t exactly a good example set for him growing up to say the least.

Four days ago Carmen watched as the barista at some coffee shop you wanted to go to flirted with you. That shit already annoyed him, but he tried to bite his tongue. Then your latte came out with a heart in the foam and you kept explaining that’s just how they all come out but he was jealous and possessive and didn’t know how to communicate that so instead the two of you fought in the car for an hour. It was so stupid and he’s been kicking himself in the ass ever since.

The past four days you refused to talk to him and had done a good job at dodging the situation. Normally you two fight, you fuck, and then you pretend everything’s okay. The cycle was getting old and wearing you down.

Until now.

You give a heavy sigh, reaching out to toy with the bottom hem of his shirt. Carmy really did look like it had been going through it so you’re throwing him a small bone. “Maybe not making me sit on a sticky floor would be a good start.” He’s muttering out this small laugh, thankful to hear anything coming out of your mouth let alone a joke, the sound vibrating against your fingertips and you hate how much it fills your heart.

He waits for the rest. The other shoe to fall. Every ounce of laughter is gone when you finally collect yourself enough for - “Do you think we’re good together, Carmen?” You can feel him stiffen under you, his hands gripping at your waist because he needs something to give him some stability.

A beat goes by. “I think you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” Another beat, this time it’s Carmy who refuses to look at you. Eyes downcast and trained on your lap. “But I’m not sure I’m good for you.” You weren’t expecting that.

Once again silence falls between the two of you, still toying with the hem of his shirt before you lean in to bury your face in the crook of his neck. Taking a deep breath that’s filled with his cologne, faint smoke, and just Carmen that you’ve grown to crave. “You just gotta learn to trust me, Carmen. Outta everyone in this world, I’m the main one who never wants to hurt you. Especially for some barista with a fuckin’ comb over.”

You hoped he would laugh again, but the sound never comes. Instead you feel his arms go tight around your body, his knees coming up a bit more which makes you fully lean into his chest. He’s clinging to you, wishing so badly he knew what to say (or could let himself) say what he knows he needs to. Instead he’s just pressing a kiss to your head, sighing into your hair.

“I wanna be better for you. Just don’t know how.”

The two of you cling to each other and fight to get as close as possible. The distance apart these past four days has left the both of you physically aching for one another. It’s been hours, days of a tense heart and checking phones for texts neither of you knew how to send. You press a kiss against his neck, leaning back just enough to grab his face in your hands and stroke your thumbs over his cheeks.

“It’s scary for me too, y’know? This, us. You’re not alone in being scared but lashing out at me isn’t gonna solve anything. I’m not going anywhere, Carmy.” You take the first step in mending the relationship by leaning in to press a gentle kiss to his lips. There’s a hand coming up to cup the back of your neck, holding you in place as if he’s still scared you’re going to change your mind and run off before he can realize it’s happening.

He’s letting you take the lead and only deepening the kiss once he feels your hands slide under his shirt. Fingers trailing along the toned skin while Carmey licks your bottom lip. Your hands glide around his back where you’re able to trace over healing scratches left on the skin from your last night together.

Your lips part and you take the lead once again, letting your tongue slide along his and giving a low moan into his mouth as you taste him. There’s the lingering taste of cigarettes mixed with black coffee and Carmen. Once again indescribable and simply him. His grip on you tightens up in response and you know if you’re not careful then you’ll end up disheveled and tangled up in the backseat of his car or bent over one of the sinks in a disgusting bathroom. Both options you refuse to pick over getting home and letting him properly make this up to you.

Dragging your nails along the healing marks, Carmen starts to lose track of his kissing. His grip on your neck tightening a bit more, hips rocking up towards you against his better judgement. The motion’s getting needy and sloppy and you have to pull away much to both of your disappointment.

Shaking your head and bringing your hands up to rest flush against his warm chest. “You’re not gonna fuck me on this nasty floor. I deserve better than this.” Which, of course you do. He just gets carried up when he’s wrapped up in you. He’s nodding in agreement but can’t stop himself from licking his own lips to chase the sensation of you.

He’s looking over your features, his heart picking up pace even more than he thought was possible anymore. “Think you’re meant to be my forever, y’know? Sometimes I look at you and it scares the shit out of me because I look ahead and-... It’s you. Kids sitting at a table in the restaurants doing homework. A honeymoon overseas where I get to drag you around different pasty shops and restaurants and we’ll find random art in flea markets to hang when we get home. Take photos that end up framed. It’s you. Always.”

Now how are you supposed to be mad when he’s this open and honest. Unpacking a future you had thought only you considered so far. You hope this behavior sticks. It’s not easy for either of you, but it’s worth fighting through the learning curve. “Kids, huh? Multiple? They’ll be your harshest critics, Carmy. I dunno if you can handle their reviews quite yet.” He’s chuckling, shaking his head with a lazy smile. “No, not yet. But one day.” The promise of more between you finally putting an end to this discussion for now. You make a mental note to remember this moment when the two of you bicker in the future - No matter what there’s always more on the road ahead of you.

Which makes you smile too. Wrapping your arms around his neck. “One day.” You reward him with one more kiss, knowing that’s all the two of you can risk before you end up sprawled out on this floor.

Carmy’s desperate to keep the lightened mood. He’s giving it a moment for both of you to calm back down from kissing before playfully scrunching up his face. “God you taste like shitty tequila.” It works. You’re laughing and swatting your hand against his chest, feeling a bit lighter than you did when you walked into this place. “Carmen Berzatto be nice to me!”

He’s beaming at you now. Bright, happy.

It’s a stark difference from the funk you’d both been stuck in since this fight started. The sight makes your heart swell and you bring a hand up to push some curls back off of his forehead. Leaning in to press a kiss against the tip of his nose.

“Lemme take you home, yeah? Get you some food on the way? Gotta make sure someone so pretty doesn’t wake up with a hangover.” He loves taking care of you in anyway you'll let him.

You nod and carefully start to shuffle off of his lap. Getting yourself to your feet before reaching down to help tug Carmen up to his feet. You catch as he adjusts himself in his pants, a flush blooming along his cheeks and down his neck. Stepping back in until you’re chest to chest with him, you press a line of kisses along his jaw. Rough stubble going away once you find his lips yet again. You hum against his mouth, bringing your hand up to cup his cheek. “You gotta shave in the morning, Carmy.” He’s nodding instantly, reaching his hand down into his pocket to fish out the car keys.

There’s a notification lighting up your phone - Perfect timing. A simple “Gonna spend the night ;)” text from your best friend. You can’t help but to grin and roll your eyes, turning the phone around so Carmen can see the notification too. He’s laughing while sliding a hand into your back pocket and starting to lead the two of you out of the kitchen.

“Yeah, remind me to tell Dave that his friend fuckin’ sucks.”

#why am i nervous to post this #♡: c.b.#carmen berzatto #carmen berzatto x you #carmy berzatto x reader #carmen x reader #carmy x reader #carmy berzatto x you #carmy berzatto

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diazsdimples · 2 days

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hey james! for buddie or bucktommy. i’m making you choose jsdjskf “why are you looking at me like that?”

Hey Nolan!! I'm gonna do Bucktommy for this one, if you don't mind!!

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Tommy asks as he once again catches Buck staring. Buck flushes deeply, a pretty pink running up his neck and into his cheeks until he feels like his whole face is on fire. Never before has he been with someone so skilled at reducing him to a giggly, blushing mess like Tommy can. It's like Tommy has a direct line to the "Idiot Centre" in Buck's brain and can activate it with a simple look or a few well timed words. "I-I'm just - I mean, I wasn't - looking at you like what?" Buck stammers. Honestly, he's got no excuse for the way he was gazing at Tommy, all lovesick and dopey like a highschool girl. His boyfriend is hot and he's still a giddy that Tommy's with him at all. So he stares at him sometimes? Sue him! Tommy grins, his nose scrunching in a way that has Buck's stomach go all fluttery, and he rounds the kitchen island so he's no more than a couple of inches away from Buck. Close enough to have Buck's heart rate going up a couple of notches, but still too far. He needs him close, needs to be able to feel Tommy's chest press against his as he breathes, needs to feel Tommy's lips brush his as he speaks, needs to feel Tommy's co- Okay yeah, he's getting a little carried away. It's not his fault. "You were looking at me the way a 2000's teen girl would have looked at Justin Bieber whenever he flicked his hair," Tommy teases, and Buck wishes a hole would open underneath him and swallow him up. "I was just-" he begins, going redder still when Tommy crosses his arms and watches him with a half-smirk, his head cocked to the side. He looks far too adorable for his own good and it's not helping Buck's dilemma at all. "You're cute," he finishes lamely, unable to meet Tommy's eyes because he just knows Tommy is going to be looking at him with that soft, amused look on his face, like watching Buck bumble and ramble his way through their relationship is his favourite pastime - which, it probably is. "I'm cute," Tommy repeats, and Buck can hear the delight his voice. It's mortifying. It's humiliating. He's going to run away and live in the forest and become a hermit and - Suddenly Tommy's lips are on his and oh, yeah that's okay then, Buck can go with this. Buck can definitely get behind kissing Tommy if it means he doesn't talk and make even more of a fool of himself. Plus, Tommy's got this way of completely taking Buck apart with his lips, kissing him so thoroughly that he forgets his own name, forgets every little detail about himself except that he's kissing Tommy. Tommy pulls away and Buck pants, a little breathless from the kiss. Their foreheads rest against one another and their breaths mingle, warm and heavy and full of affection between them. "Well the good news is," Tommy says, his voice husky enough that it sends little shivers of joy down Buck's spine, "I think you're cute too." What else is Buck meant to do than blush once again?

Send me a ship and a sentence and I'll finish it!

#james answers things #james writes #bucktommy ficlet #bucktommy wip #bucktommy #evan buckley #tommy kinard #911 fanfic #911 abc #tuck #tevan #kinkley #poor blushy buck #hope you liked this nolan!!!

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ladykailitha · 2 days

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Never Hold Back Your Step... Part 5

Hey guys, back with this one! Again, I have a backlog to share with all so this should come out more regularly.

Just a reminder there isn't a set schedule anymore, just vibes. But if there is a story you want to see more often, let me know.

In this we have Steve's good luck charm, Gethin coming to Steve for help with the journalism schism, and Nancy and Steve finally having the talk they should have had from the beginning (she's not there 100% yet but it's better).

Pt 1 Pt 2 Pt 3 Pt 4

****

They went to nationals and lost. When Steve got back he joked that Eddie was his good luck charm.

“Get off, Stevie,” Eddie scoffed during lunch. “I am not.”

Gareth chuckled. “I don’t know, man. Steve’s luck has shot up since you guys became friends. He hasn’t been hit once!”

Steve glared at him. “Thanks, Gary.”

Gareth stuttered. “What the fuck is Gary?”

Everyone laughed.

“Don’t ever call me that again,” Gareth growled. “My name is Gareth.”

Steve tilted his head to the side. “But isn’t that where Gary comes from? A shortening of Gareth?”

“I don’t give a fuck, man,” he hissed. “If Gethin hears it, he’ll never let it go.”

Steve’s mouth formed an ‘O’ in understanding. It was like Dusty Buns. “That’s fair.”

“What’s fair?” Gethin asked from behind Eddie.

Jeff opened his mouth to answer but Gareth kicked him under the table.

“That my taking hits to the face have gone down since I started hanging out with Eddie,” Steve said with a smile.

Eddie rolled his eyes. “Stevie here seems to think that I’m his good luck charm.”

Gethin rubbed his chin. “I think Steve’s got something going with that.”

Eddie threw his arms in the air. “Not you too!”

Gethin started ticking off reasons on his fingers. “Billy has left him alone, he got a pretty major part in the school play, made it to nationals for swimming...need I go on?”

Eddie’s jaw dropped and he looked over at Steve in shock. “Holy shit. Maybe I am your good luck charm.”

Steve grinned. “Told you so.”

“Why are you here, Geth?” Gareth growled at his sibling. “Don’t you usually hang with the journalism crowd?”

Gethin grimaced. “There’s been a divide among us.”

Steve’s lip curled. “Let me guess, half you sided with Nancy over the swim team making it nationals and the other half thought she went too far?”

Gethin nodded. “Jonathan’s for too much, too far, but most of them think that jocks should be prosecuted more, not less.”

Eddie winced. He had espoused similar thoughts before befriending Steve.

But Steve just snorted. “Like she didn’t enjoy the benefits of dating one last year.”

The whole table erupted in stomping and pounding on the table.

“Ooh...” Jeff said. “Burn!”

Gethin grinned. “I’ll be sure to remind her of that fact. That last year she was all for sports when it pleased her. Thanks, Steve!”

Steve just shook his head.

Gethin skipped away from their table better armed against a furious Nancy.

Steve looked around to make sure that Jonathan and Nancy weren’t within hearing distance. Then he leaned forward.

“Who would be interested in a sequel comic to ‘The Boy With a Bat’?” he whispered conspiratorially.

Everyone else leaned in excitedly.

“What would this one be about?” Brian asked, his voice barely loud enough to be heard in the crowed cafeteria.

“Our hero helping out a bunch of kids in a junkyard fighting off dire wolves,” Steve whispered back in conspiratorial tone.

Steve had learned the term from Eddie. Apparently they were very big wolves. And that sounded to him like the right amount of ‘what the fuck’ the demodogs gave off.

“How did our hero get into that mess?” Eddie asked, his voice on the verge of cracking. He knew that these were things that Steve had gone through for real and that terrified him.

Steve let out a sigh. “By realizing that the kid with the high intelligence and the low wisdom would have gotten himself eaten if our hero hadn’t went along to protect him.”

Eddie’s mouth formed a silent ‘Oh.’ Yeah, there was no doubt that was Dustin. In the few times he had met the kid, he was always struck by how dumb he was despite being a literal fucking genius.

“That sounds so cool,” Gareth breathed. “I would love to read that, man.”

Jeff nodded. “Like you should serialize the whole thing and sell it, dude. You could make bank.”

Steve thought about the NDA that was sitting in a lockbox at the back of his closet and snorted. Those bastards would be on him faster than lightning.

“It’s just something fun to do while Mrs Click drones on and on about the Ottoman Empire,” he said with a shrug.

Eddie pointed at him and clapped. “Yes! Like how could one person take something so interesting and make it duller than dishwater.”

Steve smiled at him gratefully as the conversation shifted to horrible teachers. Eddie was still the only one outside of the “Party” that knew about the Upside Down.

He looked over at Nancy and found that she was glaring at him. He didn’t want to anger her further, so he got up and threw away his garbage. He stacked his tray up and bid the others goodbye.

If she wanted to speak to him, she would have to come to him.

****

Steve had to wait a couple of days, but Nancy did come to him.

It was one of those rare days where Steve didn’t have anything going on but the rest of the Hellfire Club crew did. So he was at his locker making sure that he had all his homework that he needed for the weekend after school.

He was alone for all intents and purposes.

“Steve,” Nancy said, “we need to talk.”

He slammed his locker shut and she winced. “Are you actually here to talk or are you here to excuse your bad behavior and get me to apologize even though I haven’t done anything wrong?”

She frowned at him. “I don’t do that.”

“Whatever, Nance,” Steve said, rolling his eyes and shouldering his backpack. “I don’t want to get into a screaming match right now.”

Nancy held out her hand to stop him. “Would you just wait?”

“Come on,” Steve said with a sigh. “We talk on the way out to my car.” At least if he needed to make a quick getaway, he’d be able to drive off.

He started walking toward the doors and she scrambled to catch up.

“I can’t believe you told Gethin to throw it back in my face that I used to date a jock,” she hissed.

Steve smiled at her smug. “Well you did, Nance. And as I recall, you flirted with me first.”

“Yeah, I did,” Nancy said, ducking her head. She let out deep sigh. “I just want to be a journalist. A real one. But the advisor for the newspaper only sees me as a girl so all I get are the fluff pieces like Homecoming Queen and King and sports like boys’ swimming because all the guys are uncomfortable with all the Speedos.”

Steve snorted. “Only you didn’t go after Ezra, or any of the other members of the team, you went after me. And you did it so hard that Jonathan who I’m pretty sure would hate my guts if I hadn’t saved his life, thought that you were being harsh.”

Nancy pursed her lips. She didn’t know why she went after Steve as hard as she did. She needed a target and Steve was right...there.

It had been so easy to lash out at him for Barb, the monsters, the frustration of not being taken seriously, for all of her problems. But she knew he didn’t deserve it.

“He told me that unless I fixed it,” she said softly, “that he would eat lunch and go home by himself.”

Steve laughed bitterly. “So you’re not even here because you think you need to apologize. You’re here because your boyfriend won’t put out until you do. Jesus Christ, Nancy. What even is this?”

He stopped in front of the doors. “I’m not your punching bag anymore. I’ve got friends now. Friends that really care about me, for me.”

Nancy sighed. “I’m not trying to start a fight.”

“Not this time,” Steve scoffed.

She winced, but nodded. “Yeah okay, I deserved that.” She lowered her voice and hissed, “It’s just really hard to fathom you liking men all of a sudden. We had sex, you got off. And now you’re with Eddie and gay and I just don’t know what to think anymore.”

Steve squeezed his eyes shut. He heaved a sigh and hauled her out to the parking lot where they were less likely to be heard.

“Fucking hell, Nance,” he huffed as they walked to his car. “You think I don’t realize how fucking messed up that is. I thought for a bit that maybe I liked both, because of what I felt for you. Because I did love you. I still do, for Christ’s sake.” He threw his arms in the air in frustration.

He tugged on his hair. “But the more I thought about us. Our relationship, I realized that I was just trying so hard to be what everyone wanted me to be.” He started waving his hands around as he tried to get his point across. “The perfect boy next door. But that isn’t me. I love theater and boys and not having to worry about who was fucking who and why. Because all that ‘King’ shit was exhausting as fuck.”

Nancy let out a low shuddering breath. “Okay. I’m sorry.” Steve scoffed. “No, I am. I mean it. You deserve to be happy and I don’t know why I’m still hung up on this.”

Steve raised an eyebrow. “Because you want me as your fall back in case shit goes down with Jonathan.”

“What?!” she squawked.

Suddenly everyone was staring at her because of her outburst. “That’s not true!” she whispered harshly, leaning forward.

“I’ve said it before and we both know it is, Nance,” Steve said, his face twisted in that same pained expression from when she couldn’t tell him she ever loved him. “You broke up with me right after our first go round with the monsters and then not even a full month later you were back with me. What happened, huh? Did Jonathan turn you down the first time and that’s why you came running back?”

Nancy crossed her arms and looked away.

Steve huffed out a bitter laugh. “That’s it, isn’t it? You couldn’t even tell me you loved me at all after our fight at Tina’s Halloween party. You’re standing there getting mad it me for not loving you, but you’re the same. You’re exactly the same.”

She let out a shuddering sigh. “You’re right, Steve. You’re right about all of it. I’m sorry.”

“That’s all I wanted from you,” he said, “an actual honest apology. Thank you.” Steve let out his own breath that he had been holding.

Nancy bit her bottom lip and looked up at him through her lashes. “Can we still be friends?” Her voice wobbled and her eyes were glassy with unshed tears.

Steve pulled her into a hug and she wrapped her arms around him tightly.

“Yeah,” he breathed. “Of course we can.”

Steve looked up and saw Jonathan watching them. He let go of Nancy and held her at arms length. “You are a great person, Nancy Wheeler, but you’ve got think past your own needs, okay?”

She nodded. “I’ll try.”

“Good,” he said gently. “Now go. Jonathan is waiting for you.”

She looked over her shoulder and nodded. “Thanks, Steve.”

“Yeah, of course.”

Steve watched as she walked away, he could feel a part of his wounded heart heal, just a little.

It wasn’t enough. It might not ever be enough. But it was a start. He just wished it didn’t feel like a fucking Chutes and Ladders game.

****

In order for Nancy to be a better person, she has to fight against her nature. Something that won't come easy.

Tag List:

@mira-jadeamethyst @rozzieroos @itsall-taken @redfreckledwolf @emly03

@spectrum-spectre @estrellami-1 @zerokrox-blog @gregre369 @a-little-unsteddie

@chaosgremlinmunson @messrs-weasley @chaoticlovingdreamer @maya-custodios-dionach @danili666

@goodolefashionedloverboi @val-from-lawrence @i-must-potato @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog

@justforthedead89 @vecnuthy @irregular-child @bookbinderbitch @bookworm0690

@anne-bennett-cosplayer @yikes-a-bee @awkwardgravity1 @littlewildflowerkitten @genderless-spoon

@cinnamon-mushroomabomination @dragonmama76 @scheodingers-muppet @ellietheasexylibrarian

@thedragonsaunt @useless-nb-bisexual @angels-of-hades @mugloversonly @y4r3luv

@greeniebean911 @birbsauce @acingthecounts @cryptid-system @counting-dollars-counting-stars

#my writing #stranger things #steddie #ladykailtiha writes #boy with a bat

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nothing-tolose · 2 days

Text

Foolish One.

warning: reader being so dumb bcs she always ignores every signs and dreaming too much <3

if you have criticism and suggestions to me, you can just knock my dm or send it to inbox <3

a/n: this whole fic was messed up like REALLY REALLY MESSED UP please bear w me ;) have fun anw

wc: 6K

daily click

Cards are on the table. It's way past midnight, yet the living room is bathed in light, and laughs from your friends all over the room. Here you are, having a sleepover for four nights with your friends and now playing UNO cards with them. None of you all can sleep, that's why now you were sitting on the dining chair, with three cards on your hand.

"Ellie! It's your turn!"

You glanced at Ellie, who was sitting across the table, as Sophie called out her name. God, you couldn't help yourself but screaming inside your heart as you saw her smile on her face. Those freckles on her face, green emerald eyes, and the scar on her eyebrow, she literally got your attention.

You knew that you were already fell in love with her, ever since you saw her on Aimee's instagram story 3 months ago. Head over heels even. But one thing you can't help it from yourself everytime you fall in love, you were too afraid to reach her out. Of course, your friends giving you a lot of advice so you wouldn't be afraid to start a conversation with Ellie. You already tried on their advice, such as texting her through direct messagw but always ended up you delete it before you could even send the text.

So many negative thoughts when you tried to reach her. What if she doesn't like me? What if she call me a freak? What if she hates me? A countless what-ifs lives rent free on your mind. And it explains why you weren't close enough with Ellie, you were too afraid and too shy to start a conversation.

You knew all about her from your friends. They'd tell you what's her interest, what she likes and hates, what she afraid of, and so much more. You do realize that you can't just got her news only from your friends, so you've been following her instagram account by your not really a suspicious fake account named @/16candlesf00l. Thank God her account isn't a private account, and thank God she didn't block your account!

You've also been following her TikTok with another fake account since she was pretty famous there with around 8,000 followers she has, and that makes you can easily leave comments on every video she posts without worried about she's going to confused, you usually leaving comments like, "Oh, you're really pretty!" and other flirty remarks. Then one day, you comment, "Did you cut your hair?" and she responds with just "Yeah." Despite her brief reply, you respond enthusiastically with "Should we get married?"

A single word, 'Yeah,' had already sent you into an hour of rolling on your bed, giggling, and playfully kicking your feet against the pillows.

She didn't reply to your comment after that, and you didn't mind. At least there was a bit of interaction with you, right?

"Hey!"

Snapped back to the reality by Cassandra's tap on your shoulder, she leaned in and whispered to you, "Girl, I know you're head over heels for Ellie, but how long are you going to just stare at her, huh?"

"What-" You cast a quick glance at Ellie, unable to believe what Cassandra had just said. Yet there she was, looking back at you with that slight smile on her lips, her fingers idly playing with the cards in her hand. It was clear she had been watching you for at least a minute or two.

You quickly turned your head left and right, let out an awkward chuckle to Cassandra. Oh really, you lost your words.

"Uh- Cass- I.. Uhm, what color-" You stuttered, you started feel like this situation was fucking embarrassing especially when Ellie still looking at you, not moving even for a second. Cassandra and the others waiting you pull out your cards.

And for God's sake, you really wanted to hide yourself in a closet right now.

"Hey, why did you stuttered? It's blue, go pull out your card, babe!" Cass slapped your back (not in verbally way obviously. Immediately you pulled out your card, you didn't see the number first but the color.

You saw Ellie suddenly get up from her chair, she handed her cards to Chloe who's already won the game first, "Chloe, can you play my cards for me? Em—" she stopped, clearing her throat before she continued, "I have an emergency, I'll be back later,"

Chloe just nodded without giving her a glance, hands taking the cards. Meanwhile your eyes were never leaving her gesture leaving the dining room to backyard porch.

3 hours passed after the moment where you got caught by your friends for staring at Ellie for too long. Everyone was asleep, except you. It was really really boring because you're being the only one who can't sleep, meanwhile everyone is drowning in their own sweet dream.

The silence in Sophie's bedroom was so quiet that the ticking of the clock feels so loud here. You get up from the bed really slow and careful as you didn't want to disturb Cassandra's sleep, as she was a light sleeper. As you made my way out of the bedroom, you cast anxious glances at Cassandra, concerned that the door might creak loudly upon opening.

You turned your heels towards the backyard porch, then leaning your back against the fence. Your hands grabbed a cigarette and lighter from your pocket. As you took a drag, you sighed, your mind replaying the moment from two hours earlier. After revealing your cards, Ellie had turn aside her gaze, yet you couldn't shake the feeling that she was stealing glances at you every few minutes.

Okay, maybe you're really delusional.

"I thought I'm the only one who couldn't sleep?"

You fixed your position and looking around to find where the voice came from, an that's when you spotted Ellie from the house, pulling on her gray hoodie as she stepped to you. Did she just talking to you? Like, for the first time ever?

Jesus, 'No fucking way,'

You chuckled, "I guess my eyes weren't in the mood for sleep," you said. She joined you, resting her arms on the railing right beside you. "So," you said as you turned and tossed the cigarette into the trash bin below the porch, "What keeps you awake from sleeping? I mean, it's three in the morning and everyone else is asleep except us."

"I don't know," she shrugged her shoulders, and you tilted your head, "You don't know?"

"Yeah, I just… I don't even know what I'm doing before I realize it's already 3 AM. I guess I was thinking about something, getting lost in it, and then I forgot it once I realized I'm still awake," As she spoke, her smile broadened and she turned her head towards you, her gaze firmly fixed on yours.

You nodded in response. You couldn't look at her directly for fear of blushing, even as you sensed her gaze from the corner of your eye. Deep down in your mind, you found it hard to believe what had just happened. The girl you had a crush on since three months ago, the girl you always adored from afar because you were too shy and afraid, the girl you've been flirted on her TikTok post comment section are the same girl who just talking to you a few seconds ago.

The atmosphere turned really awkward when neither of you continued the conversation. The only sounds were from the insects on the ground and the occasional car passing by on the street. You humming, for at least the situation wouldn't be too awkward if you do that.. maybe.

Ellie opened her mouth, "How did you met Sophie?"

"Hm?" you glance at her and gasped the next second, "Oh, Sophie! I thought you were speaking some words," you fall silent, hummed, and let out a little chuckle from your lips, "I've known her since the first year; she was my first friend at school before she introduced me to Aimee, Cassandra, and Chloe. We've gotten along ever since… until today. And.. what about you?"

"Sophie has been my friend since childhood, we were on the same school when I was 7, her dad was my father's fishing buddy for years and we were on the same neighborhood. Now she's more like my.. older sister," she stopped, before pull herself away from the railing, "But whenever I'm with her, it feels as though I'm speaking to an old woman who lives for a long time. She told everything to me, the dos and don'ts, and even offers five minutes of advice whenever she thinks I need it!"

You groans between your laugh, "Really? No way, she did the same thing to me all the time! She's truly the mom, isn't she? Oh, you know what? One day I was scammed by someone claiming to sell tickets for my favorite singer's tour. I ended up losing about 200 bucks, they blocked my numbers and didn't say anything! And she—"

"Wait, 200?!" Ellie interrupted, her tone a mix of surprise and shock. You nodded and chuckled as you saw her mouth fall open. "That's… quite a lot," she added.

"I know! Jeez, I was so dumb at that time, and Sophie was the first person I told, and she really scolded me for an entire day. She keeps bringing it up in the middle of any conversation, as if I didn't hear her the first time," you paused for a moment, taking a breath before continuing, "She even said things like 'I told you so, I damn well told you!', 'If only you had been patient, you wouldn't have been scammed', and 'With that money, you could've bought your precious expensive book,' ugh, I wasn't born for those words!" you imitated Sophie's voice, laughing lightly as you did.

You both laughed, the conversation continues as you both found a lot common in each other's interests when you mentioned your favorite comic book. You swore she's the sweetest when she's talking, eyes always locked on you, the funniest jokes she tossed, it all raises your hopes too high. Two hours flew by, until you started feeling sleepy and decided to head back to the bedroom, but when you were already laying down, the sleepy instantly gone.

You were talking to yourself in whispers before you asleep, mind keep thinking about Ellie and there was no any signs to stop thinking about her. So many wishful thoughts and imagines if you were dating her. Yet, no matter how long you could keeping her in your mind, there's always some voices showed up in your head and saying such things like;

'You really never learned from your past,'

'There's so many girls out there who maybe caught her attention,'

'It'd seem so sad if you're the only one who fell to her and she's not.'

'Aren't you afraid if she end up with someone who's not you like how the last time you fell in love?'

And you really hate those voices, trying to block them all out without giving a single damn to it. Instead, you tried to believe that things will work out with Ellie, unlike the last time when you fell for Robin—the girl who started dating someone else the day after you confessed your feelings to her.

No, you're not going to end up the same like that. Not now, not with Ellie.

"What if she confesses her feelings to me?" you mumbled, biting your lower lip as you began giggling and buried your face in the pillow, "God, I'm so fucking delusional!" although you said that, you couldn't stop for imagining if she were tell you about her feelings, going on a date to somewhere, chilling at her house or yours, and discussing about every novel you both likes.

It was so.. cute, you thought. However, you didn't realize that you were projecting those images as hopes onto yourself and it'd lead you to breaking down if you weren't aware.

You push the pillow away from your face, shifting into a side-lying position. A smile remains ever-present on your lips. You breathe in and out slowly, then closed your eyes, it's literally five in the morning and you haven't sleep.

"Have a good sleep, Ellie,"

Ugh, you did not.

Two months down the line. Returning home from Sophie's holiday house was quite late, a full day after everyone else had left. You had the option to ride with Cassandra or take up Ellie's offer, but you were waiting for your mom, who had promised to pick you up. She didn't show up for four hours, then she texted you that she would be a bit late, and you ended up waiting her until the next afternoon.

You've called her phone countless times, but she never answers. You can't turn to your dad for help either, as he's been in Greece for three months. And your brother? He would never waste his time just for drive ten hours from his place to Sophie's home and then take you to your apartment.

So, how did you managed to get home?

Ellie came back the next night after Sophie mentioned you to her. You were overwhelmed with guilt for having declined her offer to drive you home the day before, especially since she returned just to take you home, facing a five-hour drive. She knew you weren't really in a mood after waiting literally a night for your mom who texted you that she couldn't pick you up after you were already with Ellie. She knew that. That's why she made a stop at convenience store, bought a lot of foods and drinks before taking you to the closest beach for some relaxation.

You've been getting along with Ellie. Ever since the day she made sure you got home safely by driving you home, there hasn't been a day without texting, talking, and even meeting up with her. And indeed, for heaven's sake, she made you fall deeper for her, more than ever. The way she acts around you, the way she talked to you, the way she is paying her attention at you every time you tell her your story. She really keeps your hopes still high.

She always asks you to go out at least three or four nights a week, and you've never said no. After all, it's not a waste of time when the girl you have a crush on—the same one you always comment on her posts—is asking you out. Every time you went out with her, she was incredibly sweet, as if you were girlfriends. But sometimes, she'd leaving you too soon, she would be saying sorry because she had an emergency. And it wasn't just once. But you didn't mind at all since she still brought you out to any places.

Ellie would purchase everything for you; even when you babbled thoughtlessly, she would disappear for a bit and come back with an item you had mentioned in her hand. You have always warned her against purchasing such items without your consent-literally all the time, and although she agreed, she never heard your warning.

"I swear to God, Ellie. I just told you an hour ago to not buy me some things I babbled about!"

She smiled, "Oh.. really?" you scoffed, couldn't hide the smile from your lips, "You're smiling."

"Shut up, Williams!"

A couple weeks had gone by, you started to questioning yourself about what were you to her? Girlfriend? Or were you just trapped in situationship? The worse, you were only a friend to her. You couldn't find the answer. It seems like she might have the same feelings towards you. She made you flustered, made you felt like you were the luckiest person alive. On the other hand, she never mentioned what relationship you both are in right now. You couldn't even tell if you were deserve to feel hurt or not.

Despite everything, you know how to pretend you're fine when you're hurt, right..?

Now go back to the present, you found yourself resting your head on Ellie's shoulder, half-watching the netflix show on the TV. Instead of watching the show, you were busy on your own thoughts. Confused. Who are you to her? Just friends? Situationship? You knew it too well, it felt like you can call her as yours but in reality you were not.

"Everything's alright?" Ellie interrupted your thoughts as she spoke. You nodding your head in response, lied. And unfortunately you weren't good at hiding expressions. She can feel that you were far from alright.

"Are you sure?" she asked, paused the show. Then she pinched your cheeks, leaving you laughing and grabbing her wrists as you pleaded with her to stop, "You know, you can tell me if there's anything wrong. I'll help you," she added, her fingers stopped pinching your cheeks now.

You chuckled, "That's so nice of you, Williams. But trust me, nothing's wrong now."

You keep resting your head on her shoulder, your gaze wandering around her apartment. Three minutes later, you find yourself sinking back into your daydreams. About someday, when you both are older, these moments would be the things you always laugh about over the tea every morning while Ellie watching the news.

"It was so funny back then,"

"Yeah! Oh, remember when you drove me home but the you stopped at the beach!"

You huffed, realizing once more that it was all just a dream.

"Ellie," you called her name all of the sudden, with you playing with your fingers, "Yeah?"

"Do you ever... believe that if we were patient enough to wait someone we had a crush on, they'll coming to you?" you don't know, why the question was suddenly came out from your mouth.

She hummed at first, and laughed, "No.. I guess. Because, what if you were already waiting them patiently but apparently they weren't the one for you?"

You went silent, she tilted her head to you, "Why did you asked suddenly though? Did someone caught your attention for a while and you're waiting for them?" and you nods.

"Who?"

'It's you, dumbass.' you secretly rolled your eyes.

"I won't tell you," you sigh out, "I've been waiting them for these past 5 months, and for God's sake, she's too hard for me to reach!" you slammed your hands into your thighs, inviting her laugh.

"It's almost half of a year, and you still waiting?" you nods to her question, biting your lower lip and avoiding her gaze. You heard her letting out a heavy sigh, "What if they never come to you? As if their love were never gonna come either?"

You froze, losing all your words. Why was she asked you like she knew you were talking about her?

Thereafter her phone buzzed leading Ellie quickly flipped her phone like she doesn't want you to curious, "I'm going out for at least ten minutes, you don't mind?"

And who are you to said no and pleaded to stay here? You were her guest on her house, nothing more like that. In the end you answered okay, almost whispered.

You were spying her through the corner of your eye as she walked out onto the balcony and closed the door. You could see her from inside when she walked back and forth with a big grin on her face, occasionally laughing. You really wanted to know what was going on, what the conversation was about that made her laugh so freely. But you knew your boundaries; you weren't supposed to ask her personal questions.

At one time she talked too loud you could even hear it from where you sit, "You'll come back? You're kidding, right? I swear to God, Emma, I missed you so much!"

Wait, who's Emma?

Ellie looked so excited on conversation with someone she just called Emma. From what you've heard through friends, Ellie didn't have many friends, and they mentioned only Jesse, Dina, Aimee, Chloe, and Sophie when you first confessedyour feelings about Ellie to them. So.. who's Emma then?

What if she were Ellie's girlfriend? No, there's no fucking way. Five months ago your friends said she was single, so that.. can't be. You immediately get rid all your negative thoughts about the girl Ellie mentioned on her phone call.

Enough staring her too long and overthinking. You shrugged your shoulders, act like you didn't care at all, 'I shouldn't think about this.. No. Please, please, please, try to think how sweet Ellie when she's with me..'

You changed the show into the romance one, you cannot stop smiling, you dream up if those romance scenes you watched right now was you and Ellie. The thought from you think about when you were couldn't sleep at Sophie's holiday house came back, 'Will Ellie ever open up about her feelings for me?'

It was so dumb. Do you ever think like that? The answer is yes, but who cares?

Your phone buzzed, and as you glanced at the screen, a notification was displayed.

911 sophie

hiiiii babe let me tell u i'm at aimee's rn

You

helllooooo what r u doing w her?

911 sophie

aimee was about to inviting you to her house tonight, and the others too. but her phone was DEAD RN she's planning on making a whole fucking meal like.. for 6 people??!! anyway wya???? she told me to buy some foodstuff at supermarket but i'll be fucking bored if im alone since she cant go out she's too busy with her other food creation or idk whatever she called it sooooo do you want to accompany me say yes i'll pick you up RIGHT NOW

You chuckled as you saw her text. Aimee was definitely too focused on what's her doing right now. You could tell how bored Sophie was there.

You

does she invite ellie too? anw pick me up pleaseeee ms. torres;))) at ellie's house love u!

Your gaze went to Ellie's, seems like she already finished the call. It's been 4 hours since you got here, and maybe it's enough for today even though you haven't finished the show you're currently watching.

911 Sophie

yeah she invited ellie too why? huh you were at what??? ellie?? GIRL HOW

You

mmmm i'll tell u later ;p JUST PICK ME UP ALREADY

911 sophie

OH CMON okay i'll be there in 10 xo

You paused the TV show and rose from the couch, reaching for your sling bag on the floor. At the same time Ellie, had came back from the balcony, you could tell how good her mood is by her smile.

"Where are you going?" she asked, noticing that you had already slung your bag over your shoulder. She made her way over to you, her fingers were scratching her back neck.

"I… Uh… Sophie asked me to go out for buy some foodstuff.." you pointing your thumb to behind before falling silent for a moment. "Is… is it okay if I leave now?" you ask, feeling a wave of regret wash over you immediately after, cursing on yourself for even questioning why she wouldn't be okay with you leaving.

'God, I'm so weird!'

"Oh… Okay," Ellie glanced back before turning her head to stare at you, "I was about to leave as well. Where will she meet you? And maybe I can drive you—"

You cut her off, shaking your head, "Actually… she said she'll pick me up here in ten minutes." Ellie nodded in response, her mouth forming an 'O'. She made her steps into her bedroom after she smiled at you and came back with her wearing her green jacket.

Your other side was sooo curious. Where is she going? Why did she smile so happily after the call? And what made her so excited during the call earlier? Will she be with someone, or will she be alone? You don't know, and you want to know. You really want to know. Curiosity inside you feels like started to eat you up. You immediately shook your head, pushing away your curiosity. You started talking to yourself in a really low voice, as if you hadn't said anything, "I should stop doing that."

"Ellie, I…" you were staring at her as she hummed, her gaze was met yours, "I think I'm gonna wait on the front porch." You were about to make your way to the front door, but her hand grabbing your wrist stopped you. "Ellie?"

Your eyes locked on hers; her expression was different from a minute ago. It was... guilty? Sad? You couldn't even tell. What's going on now? Was this related to her call minutes ago?

"I just... want to say sorry,"

You tilted your head. Seriously, what's going on?

"So, did you mean she was saying sorry to you without explain everything?"

Now, you were in Aimee's kitchen with Sophie, picking up the conversation that had been put on hold hours earlier. Aimee was in her bathroom, and here it's only you and Sophie whereas the rest on the dining room. You did tell her everything what happened today, once you asked her who's Emma, but Sophie wasn't sure if she know that girl because Ellie never told her about Emma. You already asked Aimee too, and all she said was, "I think I've heard that name.. I don't know." they literally left you all disappointed.

"I was about to ask her why she was apologizing to me, but I couldn't because you came to pick me up," you said, rolling your eyes at Sophie, which was followed by laughter from both of you.

"Whoa, so it was my fault, young lady?" her tone was changed along with the tip of her lips moved down shaping like upside-down 'U', "Maybe she did something wrong and you didn't notice it. Don't take this seriously because I'm just trying to speculate."

You scoffed at Sophie, "I don't know, Sophie. As far as I remember, she didn't do anything wrong that would make me mad or upset," you said, turning your shoulders down and positioning the knife between the apple slices you had cut earlier.

"Try to ask later, babe. I'm pretty sure she'll tell you later," Sophie placed her hand on your shoulder, before she moved to your left side. You gave her a disagreement gesture, huffed so loudly, made her expression was changed in seconds.

"She haven't talk to me since she arrived here, Soph," head down as you resting your hands to the counter surface, "What?"

You huffed once again. Indeed, Ellie hadn't spoken to you or even glanced your way since she arrived. It was as if you had done something to pissed her off, but you hadn't. She didn't text or call you like she always did after you left her apartment, the last message was when you told her you were already at her house. You were too desperate to find an answer or even to asking her. She seemed like a different person, completely changed from when she last spoke to you hours ago.

You both went back to dining room, sitting right next to each other while Ellie was sitting in front of you. She didn't give you a single glance, as if you weren't there. It's not like what she did when the night at Sophie's holiday house back then. She checked her phone every 10 minutes like she's waiting something important.

Your eyes were never left her gestures during the dinner. Even when your friends tried to talk to you, you just answered them briefly because you weren't in the mood to talk. Twenty minutes later, Ellie excuses herself and leaves everyone else, including you. She takes her steps to the kitchen. You see her hiding her smile by biting her lip.

Does she even realize you're here?

"Is everything okay?" asked Chloe, sitting next to you. "You seem a bit off, and I noticed Ellie haven't been talking to you either. Is there something wrong between you two?" she moved her chair so she can move closer to you.

"We're fine," you claim, but it's not entirely true. You might be pretending, yet you're actually okay with Ellie since you've never argued before. Chloe grunts, sensing the dishonesty in your words.

"I know you're lying. C'mon, you can be honest with—"

You shake your head, you don't want this conversation to continue too far. Enough for tonight. "We're really fine, Chloe. Believe me."

Chloe nods, she's back to her position, "Okay then. But still, tell me—no, I mean, please tell us if something's wrong with you two, we can help."

You excused yourself to the bathroom, but Ellie's voice in the kitchen halted your steps. You never realized what are you doing in front of the bathroom door, until you found yourself leaning on the wall right next to the kitchen where you heard her voice. She sounded so happy, laughs between her words, saying jokes that she had already told you.

The ache in your heart was undeniable. Who could she be talking to on the phone? Emma, perhaps?

You bite your lower lip, your hands wiping away the tears that threaten to fall from your eyes. You enter the bathroom and sit on the toilet, head bowed.

"Why does it hurt so much? I'm just her friend, right?"

Right, you had no right to be jealous or hurt when Ellie never thought about you being her girlfriend even though she treated you like one.

The next day, neither Ellie nor you started the conversation on messages like you two always did every morning. It felt so empty to you as you woke up and didn't find any signs of Ellie texting you.

You did your morning routine as usual without giggles and smiles. Everything went too quiet. You didn't mumbled or even talking to voice notes that you'e always sent to Ellie.

As night fell, time passed quietly. You didn't venture out, choosing instead to isolate yourself from the world, turned on the do not disturb mode on your phone even though Ellie hadn't sent any messages. The conversation remained where it was left off yesterday morning.

You couldn't resist the urge to text her, yet it all seemed no use when you deleted every word you were about to send.

You walked back and forth in your bedroom, hand holding the phone as your fingers scrolling through TikTok. None of the videos you watched, all you did was scroll and scroll, not really in a mood though but you were bored. Really bored.

Fingers stopped as you saw the profile picture, recognizing it too well, more than your own profile picture. It wasn't a video, but photos with a song called 'The Perfect Pair'. You knew who the figure in the photo was: auburn hair, sitting in the driver's seat, wearing the same jacket you saw yesterday, and the gray baseball cap she always wears.

Your eyes caught the other figure: long wavy ginger hair, sitting in the passenger seat, her hand holding the person you recognized before. God, your heart was beating faster than you could pant.

Slowly you sit on the floor, leaning onto your side bed.

You saw the caption, 'Soft launch' with some hashtag she always put in there. And the user she tagged, @/user3291emms.

That was the time you felt like something crashed your heart and broke into hundreds pieces. You know if you were too curious, you'll get the consequences. You opened the comment section, there was she commented on her own post, 'Welcome back to Boston, sweetheart.'

You feel like you're the most foolish girl who ever lived. Suddenly, you remember something that you had forgotten when you had a conversation face to face with Chloe.

"I heard from Dina, Ellie had been talking to someone for a while, the girl named Emma or something."

You didn't listen to Chloe that day because you were too busy adoring Ellie, who was playing her guitar far from you. You cursed yourself, mind repeating all those moments you always thought it meant nothing to you and her. All those moments became signs that Ellie wasn't the one.

The moment when she excused herself in the middle of UNO games, the moment when she always left too soon after she took you out, the moment when she was on the call on the balcony and she got too excited. The moment she was about to go, she was going to pick up Emma from the airport. And when she left the dinner party earlier than others, she was going on a date with Emma.

You were crying so hard, you put your phone right beside you while you buried your face between your arms.

"How could I not see the signs?" you spoke between your tears.

The voices in your head were right; you never learned anything from the past. Now, the voices were telling you why did you always ignore the signs. Because you were too busy loving someone, which led you to forget the worst-case scenario if they weren't loving you as you did to them.

Maybe you'll finally learn your lesson.

You sit there alone on the bench, at the park that Ellie always used to take you. Eyes never leaving two figures from afar, they seemed having fun on their own. Ellie hugging Emma tightly, giving her a lot of kisses while laughing at something. Thoughts of imagining if Emma were you came, which immediately you push away.

Ellie never texted you again or called you, or even talking to you, and you were trying to get used to it. Every single day, you tried to resist the urge to check the messages that had started to be abandoned.

You smiled slightly, you stood and picking up your bag, ready to leaving the park soon. Taking a small step into the exit.

You didn't know, Ellie noticed your existence right after she's done hugging Emma. Her eyes locked on your gestures, she didn't move even for an inch. As you get up from the bench, she did the same thing like she was about to take her step to you.

Oh, she did it anyway. Your wallet dropped without your knowledge. Ellie told Emma to wait for a minute and hurried over to you. She picked up your wallet and noticed the Polaroid of you and her from when she took you to the beach before. Something stirred in her chest as she wondered why you still held onto the Polaroid despite her having hurt you by avoiding you like a completely stranger.

"Hey, your wallet dropped," she tapped your shoulder twice, before you turned around.

You were surprised, Ellie was right standing in front of you. After all these months of being a stranger to each other, she showed up suddenly. You cleared your throat, took the wallet immediately, and put it in your bag. "Thanks," you said.

Everything went quiet again between you two, none of you were talking or leaving.

You felt like the goodbye was screaming in the silence. You seeing the visions of the past, maybe you just got her longing glances while Emma got her rings. You huffed, doesn't know if this was the last time you'd see her or not.

"Ellie," her smile disappeared as you called her name.

"Is it okay if I tell you that I still love you even though we haven't talk since Emma came to Boston? I'm sorry, Ellie. But I couldn't bear my feelings," you confessed to her, all those words just out from your mouth.

With furrowed eyebrows, she averted her gaze before fixing it on yours. "And would it be too late if I told you that I haven't been able to stop thinking about you for these past few months, even after avoiding you? God, I wish I could have told you sooner."

Your eyes widened. Just before you could say something, she left, leaving you all alone with her words lingering in your mind until God knows when.

a/n: i made this because i just found out that the girl that i had a crush on for months already have a girlfriend <3 (i've been crying nonstop) ANYWAY big thanks to taylor swift for the names <33333

#⋆˚࿔ nothingtolose 𝜗𝜚˚⋆#ellie williams angst #ellie williams x reader angst #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x you #ellie williams #ellie williams x female reader #tlou2 #ellie tlou2 #lesbian #ellie williams fanfic #ellie williams fluff #ellie the last of us #ellie x fem reader

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myhaikyuuacademia · 1 day

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Totally fake | Ant x Reader (Heartbreak High)

Fake dating, fem!reader A/N: it’s been a while since I watched s1 so forgive me if the timeline is a little wonky. Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

You had no idea how you got yourself in this… situation. In this mess, honestly. Thanks to Amerie, the whole school life had imploded. Thanks a lot, Map Bitch. Now here you were, standing next to her trying to get a ticket for the party as Ant told her about how his mom reacted to the whole Darren wristy thing. Your face twinged up in sympathy. Somehow Quinni and Darren had adopted Amerie into your friendgroup after the whole thing, so here you were, supporting your new friend. Well, it was more like she dragged you along. Moral support or something. Ant ended up telling Ams to go ask Spider and she trudged away disappointed, but you stayed, hesitating. “Um, I’m sorry about your mom.” You offered. What a stupid thing to say, you cursed yourself. Boys made you nervous. “Yeah, it really sucks. I love Jesus and all but going to church 3 more times a week is reaaaaally boring.” He groaned. You began walking to your next class together. “Um.” You started talking before you could think. You were a fixer, it was a whole thing. A pathological need to fix things, which is why you couldn’t really be against Quinni and Darren taking Amerie in, you wanted to help fix this. But sometimes in your need to fix things you went a little overboard. You realized that that was what you were doing after you had already started talking, and now you didn’t know what to say. But being quiet now was also embarrassing. “What’s up?” Ant stopped and leaned against the doorway of your classroom. Looking at you expectantly. Fuck it. “Maybe I could help.” You looked at him. “With your mom I mean.” He looked confused, his brows furrowing as he tried to figure out what you were proposing. “How?” Taking a deep breath in, you began rambling the plan that had formed in your head in the span of maybe 10 seconds. Which in hindsight, perhaps was a sign that this was a really dumb idea. “Well. I’m assuming your moms problem is that Darren is not a girl. Because you’re Christian and all. Which, I don’t know, not very Christian, ya know? Loving your neighbour and all. But anyway. If her problem is in fact that, I am a very good liar, I know enough about like the bible and stuff, and I happen to be a girl…” You trail off. He looked as confused as he did before you started talking, which, honestly, you figured this would not be enough to get him to understand. It was just too embarrassing to finish. You felt cold all of a sudden. Nervous. Rubbing your arms for warmth, or perhaps in an attempt to rub the nervousness away. “I’m saying I could be your fake girlfriend until she calms down.” You finally huffed out. “Ohhhhhhh” You swore you could almost see the lightbulb that went off above his head. “Gotcha.” He nodded contemplatively. “You’re really smart, y/n, I’m impressed.” Still nodding. You were a little surprised he knew your name. People tended to not know it because you mostly kept to yourself outside of your friendship with Darren and Quinni. And you hadn’t talked to Ant before, like literally ever. Yeah you shared a lot of classes, but he didn’t really seem to pay attention and so far you had never been paired with him for any group work. “Let’s do it.” He grinned, excitedly. “Wait what?” Your eyes widened in surprise. “For real?” You didn’t know what you expected his answer to be, but for some reason you hadn’t prepared yourself for a yes.

“Yeah! I’m in! I only see positives honestly. I get to pretend to date the coolest girl I know and get my mom off my back.” Wait, what did he say? The coolest girl he knows? Huh? You blinked in confusion as he left you standing in front of the open door to go to his seat. Autopilot activated you went to your seat, in between Darren and Quinni. Completely zoned out your eyes trained on Ant who was sitting a couple rows ahead and to your right. “Earth to y/n, repeat Earth to y/n.” A hand was waving in front of your face and you blinked as you turned to Darren. “huh?”. “What’s wrong with you today, space girl?” They asked. “What?” Your brain hadn’t completely caught up yet. “Why were you talking to Ant?” Quinni asked excitedly. Why was she excited? “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you talk to him before.” She mused. Uh. What were you supposed to tell them? Both of them looked at you expectantly. Completely frozen, your brain refused to cooperate. “I.. uh. Amerie. Party. Slapband. You know?” The words were more stuttered out than said, and they did in fact not know what you meant. Your saviour came in the form of a very out-of-breath Amerie, who was almost late to class, but just almost. She fell into her seat next to Quinni and immediately started babbling about whatever it was she was up to after she had left you and Ant, taking all attention off of you. And if they saw you staring at Ant the whole class, they didn’t say anything. Yet.

By the end of the school day you had bounced back, the whole Ant thing still nagging at a corner of your brain but not at the front anymore. Until you were walking out the school gate with Darren, Quinni and Amerie, that is. “Hey, y/n, Wait up!.” This caught the attention of your more than nosy friends. You stopped and turned around to see Ant jogging up with a stupidly cute grin on his face. “Um, hi, what’s up?” Your face felt unusually flushed. Your friends looked at you like they were vultures and you, and the ensuing gossip that would come from this, their prey. You didn’t need to look at them to know that. “Here.” He held out a slapband. “You don’t have one yet, do you?” “No, I don’t, actually.” You were about to tell him that you were not interested. Partys? Not your thing. But the way he looked at you, and the fact that he got you one and went out of his way to give it to you, rendered you incapable of rejecting it. He was waiting for you to take it, or do something to accept it, so you lifted your arm and held it out in front of him. He slapped it on your arm and you mumbled out a thank you. “No worries, babe.” He leaned in and gave you quick peck on the cheek before he proceeded to wink at you and then leave with a wave and a “See you later!”. You almost dropped to your knees. What the hell just happened. Wide-eyed you looked after him, hand lifting to touch the cheek he had just kissed, legs still awfully wobbly. “BABE?!?!?!” A chorus of awestruck half-yells ripped you out of your moment, seconds before your friends came into view in front of you and crowded you. This was… too much. You gave up trying to keep your legs steady and dropped down to the ground, sitting on your knees, before shifting to sit criss-cross applesauce. “Whoa, shit girl, you okay?” Amerie dropped down next to you. Not trusting your voice you simply nodded yes. “Oh my god, you and Anthony Vaughn?” Darren crouched down next, almost scandalized by what they had just witnessed. “Oh, are we sitting now?” Quinni, bless her, sat down next to you. “Yeah…” You just said, to no one in particular, nodding. “Oh my god, you’re like, a total goner.” Amerie laughed. “I am?” You turned to look at her with puppy-dog eyes. Before this day started, you had never talked to Anthony Vaughn before, and now, before it ended, you were apparently head over heels for him. You blamed it on hormones, or some kind of chemical inbalance in your brain. Because… there was no way, right?

This would make the fake-dating significantly harder, you concluded, after you had time to mull it over. You and your friends had continued sitting on the ground for a good 10 minutes, before you felt stable enough to attempt standing and walking again. Of course they all had a million questions, yelling simultaneously, trying to understand what they had just witnessed. You had no idea what to tell them. “I will tell you once I know.” You end up saying, which leads to more questions. “Seriously guys, not right now.” You couldn’t tell them anything before you lined up stories with Ant. Well, technically you could tell them it was all fake, but they were all huge blabbermouths, and you wanted to check in with Ant first, before doing anything. You hadn’t expected him to just… go and do that. Like, at least you had expected talking to him once, or maybe twice, about what being in a fake relationship entailed, you know, lining up stories, where, what, who, when…. What kind of person his mother was, how far to go, how much to do to make it believable. But now everything had kind of blown up and it had to wait. You didn’t even have his number, you realized, after you were finally alone. The gang had tried to peer-pressure you into making this a whole goss-sesh at the diner, but you managed to worm your way out of it. Now they would probably just do it anyway, but without you to defend yourself. Not that there was anything you could say right now. Frustrated you blew a piece of hair out of your face. This was gonna be one hell of a week.

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nerdthatsiriuslylovesteaxx · 15 hours

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Helpless part 40, It is very often nothing but our own vanity that deceives us

"Neeks, you awake?"

"What time is it?" The Hades child mumbled, pushing his hair out of his face.

"11:24."

"How the fuck am I still tired?"

"Because you still need to catch up on sleep and you're off drugs medical and others after a while so you're still adjusting."

"I'll be honest I didn't process half of that." Will rolled his eyes teasingly, walking over to mess up his hair more than it already was. Will started to look through some files he'd brought in with himself as Nico started to get ready,

"Can I braid your hair?"

"You know how to braid?"

"Not very well, but Kayla made me learn a few years ago before she had to let Aussi cut her hair on a dare."

"I can imagine how well that went, but sure." Will sat next to him, brushing out and parting his hair before starting to do a french braid. "Do you have the second volume of Heartstopper?" Will laughed, quickly kissing Nico on the cheek.

"I can't believe I thought you were straight but yes, I have all the books."

"I can't believe I thought you were straight."

"Think you were the only one Neeks."

"Oh shut up Solace."

"Don't think I will di Angelo."

"Gods save me."

"What do you want to eat?"

"Nothing." He answered almost instantly,

"Not an option."

"I'm not hungry." He promptly ignored him and pulled out three ceral bars from his pocket,

"Pick one."

"Leave me alone."

"Do you feel sick?"

"I- I- just... can't, drop it William."

"I'll leave them here, just eat when you can, alright?" He said, half hugging him.

"Fine."

"Nico, have you considered talking to someone? Maybe keeping a journal as well?"

"Only if you'll also get help." He couldn't think of something he wanted to do less but Will needed help, desperately.

"It's not your job to worry about me."

"Will, I'm your boyfriend, it really is."

"Are you comfortable with the idea of talking to someone?" He was fine, he knew he was worthless what's the point of lying to himself.

"N-no." Fuck, this wasn't going the way he hoped.

"Nico, you don't need to do anything that you aren't comfortable with, that won't help. Also... I'm sorry about last night.. I- it's- yeah I'm just sorry."

"Will, no one's perfect, you need help, please, just try to."

"Neeks, I'm fine, really. I was just shocked last night and yeah, there have been a lot of people in the infirmary because of the war normally it's just less hectic." Lying through his teeth, he hated himself for it but that's fine, just another thing to add to the endless list. He wasn't Nico's responsibility, he doesn't need anything else on his mind.

"Just, take a break every now and then, I swear you're always working."

"Actually Kayla's ban me from working for the rest of the week soooooo."

"Good, you need it. Wait does that mean I don't get to see you for a week?"

"Nope, you can't get rid of me that easily. Apparently I'm too much of a simp for that, but I have a feeling she's timing it to make sure I don't spend the whole day here."

"I can see that happening, but you need a break so she is completely right."

"I really hate you sometimes di Anglo."

"I know." He whispers, blowing the son of Apollo a kiss.

"Solace, times up!"

"Better go Sunshine, also... I'll try journaling, I don't know if it'll help but I'll try."

"I'm proud of you Neeks," He ruffled his hair before pressing a soft kiss to his lips, he kissed him back, wrapping his hands around his neck."I'll see you soon."

***

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misshugs · 2 days

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part two of that one drabble where reader has a poltergeist friend

[back]

"So, you're telling me that... you... basically live with a ghost?" Colby asked, trying to comprehend the situation right infront of him.

Looking at the floor, cheeks red by the sheer embarassment you felt for some reason, you nodded.

"That's... the coolest shit I've heard AND seen!" Sam exclaimed, clearly excited by the thought of this whole situation. "We're sorry if we're being too pushy over this, it's just... it's a first, you now?"

"Yeah, no, it's alright. I get it, I think." You chuckled. "It's just that... no one really knows about... this."

"But why haven't you told anyone? I would go crazy if a friend of mine told me about this." Colby commented.

"Well... you know, it's not the same. You guys are used to it. Meanwhile... what do you think a normal person would think if I say something around the lines of 'oh I have a ghost friend that moves things around in my house'? I don't think they might... uh... think about it as cool."

"Oh. I see your point. You're right." He laughed and you nodded.

"Still, not even a friend or something of the sorts?" Sam asked. "I'm sorry, it just sounds like something that would for sure be viral."

"No... I haven't told anyone about it. The attention might not be worth it if i can't hang out with her."

A draft of air passed through them, which made them shiver. Soon enough, a lamp started flickering.

"Woah! Holy shit!" Sam smiled, amazed at how in queue everything seemed. "It's almost hard to believe even though it's so obvious."

"Yeah, it's why I don't talk about it."

The same notepad that threw you into this mess began moving towards the guys through the table. Their expressions making you giggle; it was a once in a lifetime where you could finally talk about this one piece of your life to someone, and it felt good.

Another object started moving, a pencil. As if it was some sci-fi movie magic, it began writing on the paper.

"You've got to be kidding me." Colby expressed, unable to wipe off the smile from his face whilst looking at this unexplainable evidence of paranormal activity.

It seemed to be writing... no. Drawing something? It looked like a heart...? Wait.

"OH, NO!" You yelled, frantically taking the notepad onto your possession. You knew what she was trying to do, and you weren't going to let them see it.

She argued otherwise it seemed, as you kept on fighting this invisible force for a piece of paper. The force suddenly stopped and you were left with no balance to hold yourself up, gaining a first class ticket towards the hard floor.

As much as they wanted to laugh at how weird this whole situation was, they were still worried. Hurriedly standing up and walking towards you, asking if you were alright.

Luckily you were, since it wasn't that bad of a fall anyways. They helped you up and you grabbed onto the notepad, noticing some new words written underneath the unfinished piece of art.

"You're welcome."

That bitch. She knew what you wanted; and you were debating yourself if you were glad or frustrated.

Perhaps it was both.

i'll make it a decent fanfic soon enough, i just need to throw out some things beforehand

#nikkõ's blog #sam and colby #drabble #sam golbach #colby brock #colby brock fanfic #colby brock one shot #sam and colby one shot #sam golbach fanfic #sam golbach one shot

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vocaloightmares · 6 days

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as this is a clear reference to a scene in the Super Wings: Maximum Speed, this also reminds me of how I envision the Super Wings entering the battlefield against Ringmaster Layla, who is unleashing a powerful spell I will currently refer as the "Grand Tragedy" (name's probably not gonna be used in the story of TW itself cause this is just a personal name for me to remember the spell she casts all over Earth that puts everyone to sleep and experience their greatest nightmare)

Lance, donning his Kid Wing attire, throws the tip of his sword up in the air to signal the 30+ Super Wings to start blasting off from World Spaceport to go across the world to eliminate traces of Layla's spell. TW is commanding the Teen Troupe on her own cause, for symbolic purposes, Lance was requested by one of the TTs to contact the SW after a long time. It's been a decade he interacted with them, and a lot has changed so it was time Lance got out of his own illusion like TW, who ran to Akumu and Inei's residence after a terrible argument with Lance and a brief resignation from TT; will explain that in Part 5 of the TW lore but before I forget as I typed this: Lance is reminded of his impact on the world, inspiring many like his assistant director who saved the SW from the Pavere Carnival's wrath. He then breaks down in front of the SW, who comfort and thank him for not only his troupe's debut, but his contributions as a Legendary.

Anyways, got sidetracked from that future emotional moment: the Teen Troupe and Super Wings are working together until one of the members of the latter group fell unconscious. Layla's spell is gaining the upper hand, and the fight becomes a frantic escape as more members of the SW and TT fall to the ground and sleep, entering the psychological underworld of Layla's sick spell.

______________________________________________________________

now rambling done, here's a sidenote from the S8 trailers: the car on the billboard is strikingly similar to the Honda Urban EV concept car below

#troupe talk #yeah i'm actually loving this season so far: probably next to S2 as my other favorite: idk man S8 is making me cook ideas for TW especially #the SWs' lasting impact on the LSW #and the fact that Rakumo. a non-electric plane who is basically a ninja. can still take on the Electric Heroes singlehandedly.#on the other hand Layla is basically Madame Grape since i saw the entirety of Peach Showtime #i could write a whole essay on how the SW influenced Lance's life even after his resignation; TW being told at Akumu's residence that her--#dad loves her for what she's doing for the world (like the original KW) and Lance being told at World Spaceport that his daughter also--#loves the plane who inspired her to help others across the world. OUUUUUGH REALLY want to get to that moment one day :']#the S8 trailers made me pour this mess from my brain out

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beatcroc · 8 months

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comic planning/roughs on the clock at work 👍 ok. this one's still a few posts out though

#god i really do just need to get a tablet or. something #some way to draw digitally on the go bc my laptop is um #at least 200% less portable than your typical old clunky laptop. its a whole ordeal #and as u can see tradish scribbles are barely usable #though i guess it would help if i ever remembered to grab something besides a shite pen at work lmao <-hates pen forever #mad bc i think this one is kind of mid+redundant for what i'd intended it to do bc of how some of the previous ones shifted #but i still gotta draw it bc one of the later ones uses it. buh #when i said these werent chronological or connected btw i lied #though only VERY VERY LOOSELY so. enough to bother *me* if i don't do them in order #but not enough that's really going to be noticeable to anyone else. they're each still intended 99% as standalone.#the arc is very minor but its there. for me. for anyone else it probably just amounts to a couple easter egg references/ consistencies #by the by the pizzaposts before this arent part of the series.#one small quickie thing and one i would...really like to get done sooner rather than later bc i need it out of my system #former's like 70% sketched im just waffling on execution #latter is uh...theres a lot there but it's harder to work on And harder tell how close to done it is.#unrelated its funny how i Always forget brick until i start putting anything down and then its like oh god yeah i can do bg Jokes with him #funny in the sense that one of my webcomic protag oc's is a...spatially similar deal as him [little kid with a big bear companion]#and i ALWAYS forget the bear when im scripting it. until i start messing with the layout and its like fuck theres a bear.#i have to do things with this now. fortunately thus far it hasn't been too hard to adapt #much rambling tonight goodbye. i haev to go block all these damn bots

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the-kipsabian · 11 months

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in actual good news of today tho

imma be getting my first binder

#reduce the booba and hopefully feel less dysphoric in the process #its a trial run for me to see if it helps me so. fingers crossed tbh #as this is something ive been thinking for a long time and wanted to try for myself to see if it helps any #and now a friend of mine is getting top surgery so hes giving his stuff away and according to charts we're the same size so yee #this just.. makes me incredibly happy. theres a whole lot of other little things that make this an incredible moment and milestone for me #but yeah. just so im not constantly negative on main lol #night is an absolute mess on main

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wriochilde · 4 months

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ok.

#wjatevr. i dont care #no actually i do care. its about morishige how can i not care #i saw a very interesting take on why morishige chases yuka (not the tutorial idea. thats also interesting though)#something about how he was protecting her and he was never going to harm her #and i was like huh. maybe i misunderstood because i played the game when i was 11 #and then i realized i literally played it last week #i cant help but disagree? yeah he wasnt planning on hurting her. it makes the whole chase scene very funny especially if you get caught #he keeps repeating the same thing and me and my sister joke about it all the time lol #but anyways. i think that even in the manga he wouldnt have hurt her even though he hints at his intent being more malicious than in game #i love this scene because i love hearing people talk about why the fuck he did this #let me talk about the manga instead for a moment actually i think this scene is much funner there #he stops for a moment when yuka stops crying before he breaks into this very obviously malicious grin #like he was EXCITED. the darkening had already startrd to show and its very clear while hes chasing her #the whole time he was just messing with her. he wasnt planning to harm her in the manga either #because he literally catches up to her. and he could've caught up to her multiple times had he not been taking pictures as she ran #all he did when he caught up to her was whisper in her ear. so #yeah. he wasnt going to kill her or injure her like in the anime. but does that mean he had any good intentions?#im not sure how this could be described as him simply helping her #and i could be remembering wrong but doesnt he somewhat explain himself in book of shadows?#i remember him saying something about him just having fun and enjoying how scared she was #so ive always just seen it as him enjoying the rush he got from chasing someone weaker than him #because it was partially the darkening right?#im not one to say that morishige is inherently evil or always had a huge interest in gore or anything. becausw its not true #but i dont want to deface his character by warping his intentions to seem less malicious #i need to get a fucking journal this is getting out of hand #finn.txt

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labyrynth · 2 years

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i saw this opinion recently that was like

“jgy was doing horrible irredeemable things and showed no sign of stopping (so huaisang was 100% justified in ruining him)”

except that looking at the handful of events we’re aware of, only two, maybe three are things jin guangshan didn’t order jgy to do…and all of them were years ago.

the first is burning down the brothel. the next one is obviously killing jin guangshan. the last one, if it’s something you choose to believe through the ambiguity (i don’t—more under the cut), is killing rusong.

so even if we assume that IS something that jgy did, that was still something like 6-8yrs before the present.

other than that? jin guangyao’s most notable actions as sect leader and chief cultivator were eliminating corruption, and establishing public safety infrastructure. at some point he cut ties with xue yang, though we don’t know how that happened. we don’t hear about anything else.

so uh…sure. jgy showed “no sign of stopping”…much in same way a sleeping bear shows “no sign of stopping.” yes, theoretically dangerous, but not doing anything right now. and you can��t exactly show that you’re stopping if you’re not going to begin with.

jgy really isn’t a threat until he’s threatened—all of the the individuals that he specifically made the decision to kill were, in some way, threatening his ability to exist. when given the agency to make decisions without endangering himself or his loved ones, he genuinely just chills, or chooses to do good.

if you decide to slap a sleeping bear in the ass, anything the bear does in response is kind of on you.

(more about why i don’t think jgy killed rusong or had him killed below)

the text is super ambiguous about rusong. like we just don’t hear much about him in any context.

estimate for when rusong died:

jgy got married before jin guangshan died, which supposedly was about 11yrs prior. qin su was pregnant at the time they married, so rusong would have been about 11-12 in the present. sect leader yao says that rusong died around when formal education would have begun, so we can assume he was somewhere between 4-6yo. hence, 6-8 years ago.

“i killed my father, my brother, my wife, my son…”

jgy says he killed “his son,” which seems like a clear cut confession, but he also says that he killed “his brother,” and “his wife,” both of which we know are technically false.

zixuan dies onscreen, killed by wen ning as a result of wei wuxian having lost control. jgy did not intend for zixuan to die, nor did he officially kill him, but jgy does still feel responsible. he clearly feels responsible for qin su as well, but quite frankly, i don’t buy the theory that he literally mind controlled her into killing herself (mind control?? really???).

the official story: isn’t it “convenient”

we also know the official story about what happened. many clans were opposed to the watchtowers for a variety of reasons: e.g. they didn’t want to pay for them, didn’t want to staff them, thought that jgy was overstepping by centralizing public safety, thought that jgy was overstepping because jgy was jin guangyao, bastard son of a whore, etc. (the “supervisory office” thing is officially cql only; the reasons above are just the norm in politics). one of the smaller clans was particularly opposed, and had rusong assassinated to send a message to jgy.

sect leader yao also speculates that jgy killed rusong to cover up the fact that his whore-blooded cough i mean his child of incest was “deficient” (you’re not slick, sect leader yao) and then goes off about how “perfectly convenient” it was that the clan that despised jin guangyao and his watchtower plan “just so happened” to attack the son of the guy they more or less wanted dead.

“convenient.” sure. okay.

“it’s the perfect excuse.” yeah. because it probably isn’t an excuse. literally why would “parent murders child because child may potentially possibly struggle with learning & social interaction” be more plausible than “political agent has his political enemy’s son assassinated to send him a message”?

kill sparingly, kill quietly: they should die as they lived.

so the likelihood that rusong was actually assassinated is pretty high, but furthermore, jgy tends to only kill when he feels like he has to, and when jgy killed both jin guangshan and nie mingjue, he specifically used methods that wouldn’t stand out.

jin guangshan, a man with a reputation for his indulgence in sex and alcohol, died from overindulgence during an “orgy”. nie mingjue, a man whose family has a history of qi deviating and dying young, has a qi deviation and dies after many months of clear decline. they died exactly according to the ways that they lived.

most children are not assassinated for political reasons, so we can assume that it drew a LOT of attention at the time, and probably a lot of scrutiny as well. would it have really been worth the risk? worth the attention? worth the grief it caused qin su? we already know that jgy would prefer to spare qin su from bearing unnecessary burdens, so the answer to all of it is “probably not.”

again: there was a fair amount of opposition to jgy’s watchtower plans. framing a clan for the murder of your son WOULD be very efficient in removing that clan as opposition, but that doesn’t do anything about any of the other opposing clans. the benefit is far too small for the cost.

anyway the end

#mdzs #mdzs meta #jin guangyao #mdzs talk #jgy tag #mxtx talk #i just wanted to talk about my little meowmeow as a bit of a palette cleanser #too much discourse about jiang cheng recently and some of it really absurd #but yeah i just saw that take and i was like. what are you talking about.#jgy hasn’t done ANYTHING in YEARS.#he’s been minding his own goddamn business and investing in public infrastructure #it sounds like jgy has been doing a lot more good than nhs has been at the very least #nhs after 13yrs of running his sect’s reputation into the ground:#*resurrects the Biggedt Bad gets multiple sect leaders killed and throws the whole cultivation world into disarray*#nhs: uwu my work here is done. dage you would be so proud of me. i killed that stinky murderer AND everyone he cares about #what have YOU been doing the whole time nhs??? what good have YOU done for ANYONE??#you helped like TWO people. MAYBE three. AND YOU STILL HAD TO DRIVE SOMEONE TO SUICIDE TO DO IT.#independent of everything else!!#how many problems did you sow and then walk away all ‘well that’s just none of my business uwu’#YOU MADE A MESS. FIX IT.#god like i love nhs but he’s SUCH a flaky bitch #comes in makes a mess and leaves #smh anyway #some of y’all seem like u watch those horror movies #where the villain is like ‘i have forced you into extenuating circumstances to show you how evil you really are :)’#and then u walk away like ‘wow…people really ARE evil…that villain was right to put them into extenuating circumstances to show them that.’#like how do you miss the point THAT badly #anyway i’m done

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loregoddess · 1 year

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Ok I'm curious, could you elaborate on art school education when you have the time?

Mainly because my friend went to art high school and feels she wasted all the years there while I've been self-teaching myself for a few months by just messing around, so I was wondering just how different the two approaches are :0

Oh, I have lots and lots of thoughts on art education. I do feel that I need to preface this with the whole "my experience is not universal", bc all my feelings about art and art education stem from my own experiences of being self-taught and then getting actual formal college degrees in art.

The shortest version of my long rant, under the cut, is that there isn't a superior way to learn art. With art education, you run the risk of getting bad teachers who don't teach the subject well, and you can also run into teachers who aren't open-minded about approaches to art that differ too much from their own--the flipside, of course, is that there are sometimes amazing teachers who can challenge you to try new things you'd never had thought of on your own, or who have already made a lot of mistakes that they can tell you about so you don't have to make them yourself. With being self-taught, you have to figure out everything on your own, and sifting through online tutorials or reading books can be difficult to find "actually useful and well-explained" advice, but you do also get the freedom of doing literally whatever you want and really focusing what you learn based on what you're actually interested in. Each has it's pros and cons, but neither is technically better or worse, per se, although education of any sort comes down a lot to each person's situation in life, as not everyone has access to education or even the tools for making art.

For the long, long expansion of my thoughts and some of my personal experiences with art education specifically...

In short, I'm technically entirely self-taught, despite holding two different art degrees. Aside from some feedback I got from my 8th grade art teacher (who had agreed to look at my hobby art in her own spare time outside of class), I basically taught myself to draw entirely on my own, using various "how to draw" books, online tutorials, and just a lot of general experimentation and continued drawing on my own. Which meant I made a lot of mistakes, or didn't try out certain things, or got frustrated bc I couldn't figure out how to do something, but overall I had a lot of fun. The actual art classes I took in middle and high school? Well, I took a life drawing class in high school that taught me how to draw from life, a skill I never would have acquired on my own bc the process for learning that skill requires a lot of patience, and personally, I find life drawing to be extremely boring. My high school art teacher was also allowing blatant copyright infringements to occur in her class, which was something I learned years later when taking a media law class in college to learn about copyright law specifically, so I guess I learned what to not do as a teacher if I manage to become one, but I didn't learn a whole lot of actual art skills or even really improve my art in any significant way. I never actually learned anything like the elements of art and how to use them, or color theory, or any of that, in class or even on my own, but because I was constantly looking at lots of art online, and making art on my own and experimenting with new things, I ended up learning all of the "essentials of art" intuitively, sort of like how children learn the grammar of whichever language(s) they grow up speaking without learning the actual formal grammar of the language. Which I think a lot of artists actually do as they continue to make art, even if they don't realize it.

Anyhow, moving on. I personally really enjoyed my undergrad illustration degree. Now, to be fair, if someone was willing to pay me to attend college for the rest of my life as my actual career, that is what I would do bc I love learning, and I love the challenge presented by college courses. But do I feel like I learned anything new about art in those classes? Yes and no. I took a lot of art history classes bc I had never had any art history before college, and found I loved the topic a lot. The life drawing classes I was required to take felt like a waste of time bc I already had that skill from the one high school class, and I spent most of those classes fighting the teachers about why we should have less nude models (bc nudes are super easy to draw from life, but clothing is very, very difficult, and I wanted to learn how to draw clothing as a challenge bc I was bored in those classes). I spent one class teaching the entire class how to use Photoshop bc the teacher's method was absolute BS and I could do everything faster and easier than what we were being taught bc I had been using the program for years (the teacher even joked about how I had hijacked the class, to which I'm still not sure was meant to be friendly or malicious). The "Anatomy for the Artist" class I took was one of the most useful classes I've ever taken, and really helped me with drawing not only humans, but anything with a skeleton and muscles, since the teacher's approach made it so I learned the skill of using actual real-life anatomy as a means of creating art from the knowledge of anatomy (and I lucked out for this class bc I had an adjunct who was there to cover the actual teacher who was on sabbatical, and from what I heard from classmates I would have learned nothing from the usual teacher's approach to the class; I hope the teacher I did have found a good stable job bc she was amazing). Most of the actual core illustration classes helped me improve my art a great deal, but not bc they taught me anything--more so, it was that I had to create a lot of art for them, and find creative solutions to the challenges the projects would present (there were lots of "illustrate this abstract concept without using x, y, or z imagery" or "create an illustration within these specific parameters" which really required me to think about how to plan and go about completing the final project). Somehow, the actual "foundations classes" that I took--where I was supposed to learn things like design theory, the elements and principles of art, color theory, etc.--well, let's just say the teacher was on his way to retirement, and didn't teach any of that really well, so I still ended up going through my undergrad more or less on intuition and the art skills I had cultivated on my own. Mostly, college art classes were useful in helping me to improve my art, not because I learned new things (although I did learn some new things), but rather because I needed to make lots and lots of art in a relatively short time, and making art constantly is the fastest way to improve.

That all said, I still never really got the point of things that I kept seeing or hearing as common art advice. For example: "Use references." Okay? What does that mean? What does that look like? How do I do that? I was never taught that once, and it was only partway through college that I figured out that people meant "look at a photo of a real person to figure out a pose or something" and not "learn about the subject you're trying to draw so you have an understanding of that subject that allows you to draw it from your imagination how you want". And honestly the former advice is useful but...only useful to a point, so I'm kinda glad I never learned it bc it would have stunted my development and presented a roadblock. In either case, I was never taught how to use a ref or what "use a ref" meant in my formal art education, and by the time I figured it out on my own, my repertoire of art skills made the advice moot.

So what's all the long and short of this? Is art education a sham and useless? Well, not entirely, but maybe sort of. It really comes down to which teachers are teaching the subject, and how they do it. I only had a handful of art teachers who were really able to get me to think about art differently and push me to learn more and improve. But I also had a friend in my undergrad class who had never drawn in his life and he found most of the classes super useful bc he wasn't coming in being self-taught and already drawing. We were at different places in our art journeys, and so we got different things out of the college classes.

I do feel overall that the focus of my college classes was more productive than the lack of focus from my high school classes. Would I tell everyone who wants to get better at art to go to art school? Hell no. I got a degree in art because I love it, and because I had hoped to work as a video game concept artist (for which one does need at least a BFA to get hired by most companies). Of course, by the end of my degree I had figured out the video game industry in America was absolutely not a place I wanted to be working for my own health, but my frustrations with how my art education had been structured, paired with the fact that I spent a few classes actually teaching my classmates things, made me think I might make an okay art teacher. But even my wanting to be an art teacher still comes from a place of deep love for art. For those who just want to take up art as a hobby, self-taught is fine, and sometimes it will be better than getting stuck with a bad teacher who'll crush the enjoyment of art. Yes, I think a well-structured art course could help someone learn art and become confident in their art, which is part of the reason I want to try teaching it (esp. bc it took me years to learn some things that a good teacher would have just like, covered in a core class), but like...self-taught or school-taught, there isn't a superior way to learn art. They're both just very different approaches.

#I think I got a bit off-topic from your question at the end there so uh...sorry if this doesn't really help answer your question #I maybe should have slept on this before answering but also I'm like #really really passionate about art and Will Not Shut Up About Literally Anything Art-Related #a few of my coworkers have been subjected to hour-long rants about art bc they asked me one (1) thing #anyhow I think art education CAN be good it's just...like any education it really relies on good teachers and a good curriculum #and yet being self-taught I know it's entirely possible to learn all the basics needed for making art on your own so #like #yeah #I dunno #anyhow #I love art a whole lot and I do not regret going to college and getting two different types of art degrees #no matter how useless certain members of my family think they are #(to be fair graduating in the middle of a pandemic was not in my future plans)#anyhow if you want to just mess around making art and having fun that is honestly one of the best ways to learn art #actually just messing around and having fun is the best way to learn most things #so...yeah!#unsuspecting-person #I still don't have an ask tag

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