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#but yeah i know this is a sudden perspective change and a bit less detail oriented than my normal chapters but i hope you still like it
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Die For Me
And so here I am...having finished the third Killing Eve book by Luke Jennings Die For Me.
This is obviously merely my opinion but I want to start telling you all that I believe this is by far the worst book of the trilogy. By far. Like, not just by a tiny bit. I didn’t dislike every single thing in it, but I didn’t like...most of it, starting with the change of perspective/narration. Die For Me sees a sudden change from an external narrator to a first person (Eve) one and I believe Jennings fares much better with an external narrator. But while this is the first element that I see as a flaw compared to the first 2 books, it also is responsible for one of the very few things I liked in the book.
The second flawed element I found is...well, see how season 4 of the show starts leaving the viewers wondering (without ever getting satisfaction) how the heck we got there? The third book does something similar. Not in a bad direction, but still one that left me a bit like eh. Eve being so deeply in love with Villanelle feels very sudden and very weird and very out of character even. Even more out of character, to me, was the extreme emotional submissiveness Eve shows especially in the first half of the book (it kind of subsides later on), which was not there at all in the first two books. One could say it’s because we feel book three directly from inside of her, but even this perspective doesn’t make it less weird to read in flowing with the two books. On the other hand, Villanelle did not feel out of character (compared to the first two books) and while she is very detestable at times, even that kind of fits into place with the character. So I can say I disliked some behaviors or words (and oh I did!!), but also that it’s not weird that she would do or say something I’d dislike.
Before getting to the thing I liked most about the book, I want to briefly talk about something other than Villanelle and Eve specifically. In the first two books the two of them spent almost no time together (and of course having them together is nice), but all the discourse and parts about missions and espionage are organized with structure, interest and detail. But I felt like this effort was not there in Die For Me. All the planning and mission-ing wasn’t at all as interesting as in the first books. On the contrary, I really didn’t like pretty much all the central parts, then nearing the end; including and maybe particularly all the Lara stuff. In the show Nadia died to soon, but I wish her book counterpart left us sooner! In other words, the writing quality went pretty down. That’s what I perceived.
But even plot-wise there was something I like. That is the part they spend at Dasha’s (which is not Villanelle’s former trainer, but her former prison mate!) and the ending part, which has some bits that I found quite beautiful. I also liked how Anna made her appearance; I really liked that. It’s almost as if Luke wrote some good stuff for the beginning and end, and then filled the middle with...words, really uncompelling words.
Now what I really, really really liked; what I really really found interesting and that, while ultimately is a small part of it all, felt still very meaningful to me, is how Eve’s first person perspective allowed us to get some terribly deep insights into Villanelle, her behavior, her state of mind, her emotional state, her way of expressing feelings, her entire way of being. I think the show ended up going very cliché, ordinary and not necessarily realistical here, but the book made a successfull (in my opinion) effort in being truthful to the realty of Oxana’s psychopatry while at the same time not sacrificing the humanity that is there, still.
So yeah, there it is. The Killing Eve journey has ended on paper too, for now. Despite really not being into this third book, I’m still happy I decided to give them a go. It was definitely an interesting experience and I more than loved to get to know these other Eve and Villanelle, who made the general image of the characters in my mind even richer.
With the fourth book coming, I definitely wish for more substance and possibly a return to the external narrator. But in case there’s gonna be quality and substance, then I would be really interested in reading a Villanelle perspective book, given that we got an Eve’s one.
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andydrarch · 2 years
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Getting down in words how I think Heinkel’s gender identity works bc I am not an expert, I am cis but I do have an enby sibling, and I just wanna Express My Thoughts woergwiergjw. I’m sure someone could take one look at this and immediately tell me what identity this counts as so hey, feel free to do so ha ha
Details under the cut, discussion of intersex anatomy, mentions of transphobia and shitty handling of puberty by adults
Okay so my interpretation of Heinkel is heavily based on her having 5AR2D, which is a disorder that can cause intersex in XY individuals. Google exists if you want more specific details than that, but essentially I see Heinkel as having *approximately* female genitalia (large clitoris, fused labias, very small vaginal canal), but that is literally it for female body characteristics. Like most other individuals with 5AR2D, when puberty hit Heinkel had the usual changes a genetically male person might. 5AR2D doesn’t inhibit testosterone production (testes are present, just undescended) or keep that from having impacts, so yeah, physically Heinkel looks like a cis male, just with a lot less body and facial hair (I PROMISE this is a real part of the disorder weroijgweoirjgo)
WITH THAT OUT OF THE WAY, keeping all of this in mind, growing up Heinkel was raised as a girl at the orphanage. She always had to share rooms with other girls, she was made to wear feminine clothing (although Father Anderson was very supportive of stretching that definition for her), and out of her friends (mainly Yumi and Enrico), she got along with girls better. In general, as a kid, the most Heinkel ever considered herself was a tomboy, and for the most part no one gave her too much shit for that. And then puberty hit.
All of a sudden, Heinkel’s finding that literally all of her roommates, including Yumi, are changing in Very Specific Ways, and her experiences don’t match up with those at all. Heinkel realizes at some point oh shit, I’m starting to look like a guy, which she doesn’t hate! She likes looking like a guy, she likes dressing like a guy, being masculine and looking masculine feels good. Her appearance isn’t what bothers her about all of this, it’s how people start treating her.
Because her whole life, she’s been told she’s a girl and she’s roomed with girls and experienced things from a female perspective, and now suddenly everyone at the orphanage pushing for her to dress feminine are realizing that this young teen who by all accounts looks like a teenage boy, looks less ‘’’’’’’’’proper’’’’’’’’ in feminine clothes. And Heinkel is facing a strange reversal where now she’s ONLY allowed to wear masculine clothes and she gets her own room, which might be cool except everyone else rooms with a bunch of other boys or girls and it makes her feel weird, and suddenly no one cares if she acts like a tomboy. And Heinkel doesn’t HATE that people are expecting her to be more masculine, but she hates that she’s ONLY allowed to be masculine now. 
If someone were to ask Heinkel if she was a man or woman, she’d probably say it doesn’t really matter, she’s a bit of both. If SPECIFICALLY asked if she was a man, she’d say no, but if asked if she was a woman, she’d probably say kind of? Sorta? In the way that carbonated water is pop, she is a woman. But it’s not something that she thinks about really, because she was raised in an extremely conservative environment where there are ONLY male and female, and out of those two options yeah, she’s picking female. I don’t know if Heinkel, at least in the time Hellsing canon exists in, would ever encounter terms like nonbinary, and even if she did, I really don’t know how open she would be to them? 
To like, be even more specific, at some point Heinkel absolutely has to get those undescended testes removed, whether it’s of her own volition or some doctor in Iscariot goes They Gotta Come Out (MAJOR cancer risk), and absolutely Heinkel would be on T after that. I think she likes having masculine characteristics and would want to maintain them
Maybe I’m overanalyzing and this is just a butch lesbian I’m describing because Heinkel is hella gay and is too busy having a crisis over being gay to think too deeply about her gender identity as a teen lmao. She’s going ah FUCK why are girls so fucking hot, girls aren’t supposed to be hot I’M a girl,,,,,,,
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crysalita · 3 years
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Left Behind
Bo Sinclair x Reader
Word Count: 2439
Warnings: Suicide mentioned when Bo is telling the story about Trudy.
I had to admit that I never actually wanted to be here, on a road trip that is, but somehow I had managed to find myself getting an invite from Carly, who claimed there needed to be more girls. I reluctantly agreed to tag along, and so far I was regretting that poorly made decision.
I was a third wheel as I lagged behind Carly and Wade. I felt as if all I had done so far since we arrived in this town was either roll my eyes or sigh at their constant flirting. If I had of known that this is what my day was going to consist of then I would have said no in a heartbeat.
The small town we had arrived in gave me strange vibes, whether it was because the town was oddly empty even though we could hear chatter, or whether it was because of the two men that we had come across.
Bo, the man that works at the gas station, spent most of the time eyeing me down after the run in at the church, I didn’t know how to feel about it.
“So, Y/n. What did you think about Bo? He seems to have taken quite an interest in you.” Carly teased, nudging my shoulder.
We were in the gas station looking for whatever part that Wade needed.
“Don’t be stupid, he was just being friendly.” I scowled.
“Coming from a guys perspective, he definitely finds you hot.” Wade spoke up.
I sent him a glare. “Just look for that part.”
“He’s got everything, but a 15 inch. I’ll just have to use a 16 inch.” Wade grabbed a hold of the strap that he needed, but we were startled when we heard another voice.
“Are you planning on stealing that?” When I turned around, I was met with Bo leaning against the door frame, still in his suit and tie. I had to admit that the suit did look good on him.
“No, we just didn’t know how much longer you were gonna be, and you know, we didn’t wanna interrupt again.” Wade rushed out. “But I left you some money on the counter, but you don’t even really have the right size. You don’t have any 15 inches.”
“I do at the house.” Bo replied, not looking in the slightest bit like he was convinced by Wade’s constant stuttering, I couldn’t blame him though, Wade made us look more suspicious than we actually were.
“Look, I hope you’re not getting the wrong idea that we’re in here.” Carly attempted to ease the tension.
“Yeah, we already feel bad enough after interrupting the first time, we just didn’t want to do it again.” I smiled politely. In return, Bo sent me one of his own smiles and gestured for us to come out of the shed.
“No worries. That was in the past. We can move on from that.” Bo replied as he held the door open for us.
“You keep fan belts at your house?” Wade asked.
“I get things delivered there when I’m not here. Look, if you want to hold onto the 16, that’s fine by me.” Bo was looking more agitated by the minute.
“No, it’s okay.”
Bo led us outside of the gas station and we began our journey to the house that Bo lived at. My legs were already tired enough as it was from all the walking we had done, and I honestly wasn’t trying to do anymore.
“So, is it too late to sign Carly up for that beauty pageant?” Wade asked with a smirk on his face.
“Now unfortunately it is, well at least for you-” Bo turned and nodded in my direction. “-Because you have won, hands down.” I blushed slightly at his comment but shook it off quickly as I looked away.
“Thank you.” I mumbled. My gaze landed on Carly who was giving me a smug smile to which I rolled my eyes at.
“That house of Wax is pretty cool.” Wade changed the subject. This caught Bo’s attention.
“You went inside?”
“Yeah, it was unlocked.”
“I did try to tell them they shouldn’t, but they both happen to be very stubborn.” I didn’t dare step foot into the House of Wax. Knowing myself I would probably end up ruining the art in there, and I would never forgive myself if I destroyed someone’s art that they, more than likely, spent hours trying to create. I did manage to get quick look inside when Carly and Wade entered, and it truly was amazing.
“Everything seems to be unlocked ‘round here, don’t it? Thank you for having respect.” I was rewarded with another one of his smiles that really did compliment his face, although he did use quite an odd choice of words as it made him seem all the creepier.
I shared a look between the other two, who were also very creeped out.
“I did get a look inside though, when they opened the door that is, and the wax sculptures are amazing.” I complimented. I was a bit bummed out that I couldn’t see the artwork up close to see their full detail, but my conscious got to the best of me and now I was glad that I didn’t go in.
“Yeah, people used to come and see it from miles away. Trudy was the main artist.” I could imagine the amount of people that I wanted to see it, but for some reason there wasn’t any.
“What about Vincent?” Carly questioned. “I saw his name on a lot of the work.”
“One of Trudy’s boys.”
“That family must be very talented. Are any of them still around? I would love to meet them, and maybe they could help me out with some of my own art.” I commented.
“Oh- no. It’s a horrible story. Trudy’s husband, Doctor Sinclair, he was a doctor. He got his licence revoked for doing surgery’s on the side, you know, stuff that most doctors wouldn’t do. So, he moved him and Trudy out here to Ambrose, made a fresh start in medical practise and Trudy found her calm with the whole wax sculpture thing.” Bo explained as we walked past the House of Wax. “It was her dream to do something incredible here. Then she had a couple of kids-”
“What’s so horrible about that?”
“Trudy got a cyst in her brain, she just started rottin’ away.” My eyes widened as Bo continued the story. It was really starting to take a dark turn. “Couldn’t work no more, she went crazy, and it got so bad, that Doctor Sinclair had to strap her up to the bed. The whole town could hear her screaming from the house. And Doctor Sinclair was so depressed that he couldn’t save her he-” Bo creates a gun with his fingers and pretends to shoot himself in the head. “Blew his head right off.”
“That’s horrible.” I mumbled.
By now we were approaching the last house on the road, meaning this was where Bo was staying. The sky was getting darker and darker by the minute, making the situation all the more terrifying.
“Hey, uh, why don’t you three hop in, and I’ll go get that fanbelt for ya’” Bo opened the door to his car and gestured for us to hop in.
“No, we actually have some friends picking us up where the roads washed out.” Carly interrupted.
“I’ll give ya’ a lift there. It’s the least I could do then for making ya’ll wait.” Carly and I both turned to Wade who was nodding his head.
“Could I use the toilet?” I asked Bo as Carly hopped into the car.
“Yeah, of course. You said you need to use the can too, didn’t ya?” Bo faced Wade. He then proceeded to ask Carly the same question before he led us into his house.
The house was nothing less than what I expected, not that I expected much. To no surprise, it was quite messy, but I couldn’t hold that against Bo, as he most likely wasn’t expecting guests.
“So, where ya’ headed too anyway?”
“Uh, where just headed to a football game.” Wade answered.
“Bathrooms just down the hall. Let me get out of this jacket and tie, and I’ll get the fanbelt. I have another bathroom upstairs for ya’ to use.” I followed Bo up the stairs as Wade walked down the hall. I began feeling nervous as now I was left alone. “You interested in football?” Bo cocked his head to the side as he looked at me. I found myself staring a little longer than I should have, which Bo took notice of too, as his lips twitched up into a sly smirk.
“No, not really. Just here for Carly.” Bo nodded his head along with what I was saying before he popped another question, a very unexpected question.
“I take it ya’ single than?”
“What makes you think that?” I stammered.
“Well, considering those two are tied to the hip, that would most likely mean that if ya’ were seeing someone, then they’d be 'ere too.” Bo explained as he shrugged off his jacket. “And if it were me, I wouldn’t let ya’ out of my sight. Especially in a town I’ve never been in.” Bo opened a door that revealed to be the second bathroom he owned. I walked in and closed the door and instantly let out a breath I didn’t realise I was holding.
This man was making me feel all kinds of things, and I wasn’t sure if this was a good thing or a bad thing.
I did my business and exited the bathroom to see Bo waiting outside, this time he was dressed in casual clothing, and no longer rocked a suit and tie. I had to admit that this man could certainly pull off both looks.
“Did you need help getting anything? I don’t mind helping.” I offered.
“That would be nice, thank you.” I followed behind Bo, who led us into the garage that was covered in tools and what I could only assume was car parts.
“Is it always this quiet in town?” I watched as Bo gathered some things and placed them in crate he had. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do, so I waited where he had placed down the crate.
“Depends on the day, I guess. Sometimes it can be noisy, believe or not, and some days it’s dead silent. Today just so happens to be one of those days.” Bo mumbled.
All of a sudden the lights were cut off and everything went pitch black. I immediately put my arms out to reach for something to grab a hold of. “Bo?” I held my hand out in the direction of where Bo was last stood. “Bo? Where are you?” I felt his hand come in contact with my own.
“I’m right here, sweets.” I was thankful the lights were off so Bo couldn’t see the blush spread out across my burning face. “I don’t know what happened.” The sound of metal hitting the ground echoed throughout the garage, and then I heard the sound of the horn from outside.
“They must be waiting for us.” I muttered to no one in particular. The lights then turned on and I found myself extremely close to Bo as his chest was almost plastered to my back. “Sorry about that. That was childish.” I apologised I pulled myself away from Bo.
“Nothing to be sorry for. Ya’ get a little scared of the dark, nothing to be ashamed of.” Bo picked up the crate of tools. “I’m going to take this stuff out to the truck. Would you mind finding the wrench for me? It should be in one of the drawers over there.” Bo nodded his head in the direction of where the cupboard filled with drawers were before he exited the garage.
Everything felt scarier now that I was alone and everything around me was silent. I could hear my own breathing with how silent it was, and I hated it.
I searched through the different drawers before I found the wrench that I was looking for.
I began hearing shouting from outside and I quickly made my way outside, only to find the truck driving away and Bo standing outside, the tools scattered across the ground. “Bo, what happened?” I slowly approached Bo who was seething with anger, that was until he turned around to me. His face relaxed as he locked eyes with my own.
“Your little friends just decided to drive off with my truck. I guess they forgot that there was a third one with them.” My mood dulled at his words. How could they just leave me like that? “Hey, don’t let them get ya’ down. You don’t need 'em. Especially after the way they’ve acted today.” That didn’t change the fact that someone that I considered to be my best friend, had just left me behind to run off with her boyfriend, did I ever really mean anything to her. “Listen, I have another truck at the station, if ya’ like, we could walk down tomorrow morning and I could drive ya’ where you need to go.”
“That’d be great. Thanks.” Bo walked back inside, forgetting about the tools that were lying all around.
“You can sleep on the couch for tonight. I’ll get ya’ some blankets to keep ya’ warm. Did ya’ want something to eat?” Bo yelled out as he walked up the stairs.
“I’m good.” I called back. I sat down on the couch and stared off into nothing, this day was going horrible. I sighed as I placed my head into my hands and tiredly rubbed my eyes.
“Hey, ya’ know. I’d love to see ya’ some more. I wasn’t lying when I said ya’ were pretty. Definitely caught my eye.” Bo placed down the blankets on the end of the couch as he sat down beside me.
I found myself blushing for what felt like the millionth time today. “Really? I’d like to see you more too.” I whispered, looking everywhere but the man beside me.
Bo placed his finger on my chin and guided me to look in his direction. “Look at me when ya’ speak. I want to see ya’.”
Before I knew it, we had spent what felt like hours talking on that couch before I eventually got tired and fell asleep, and that was definitely the only good part about my day, getting to talk to Bo.
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itsclydebitches · 3 years
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RWBY Recaps: Volume 8 “The Final Word”
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Well, we made it to the finale, everyone, and if you're reading this it seems you've survived the watching of it too. Barely. To say that some questionable choices were made across these 20 minutes is... an understatement.
But before we delve into the episode, I want you to cast your mind back to November 7th, 2020. A horrible year that heralded a horrible RWBY volume. There, coming off the shaky writing of Volume 7, I posed a number of questions and concerns that the show needed to tackle, with the promise that we would return to these expectations in four months time. Now, here we are! Let's refresh everyone's memory, yeah?
Taken directly from that recap, what RWBY promised us, through various teasers and Q&As, included:
Emphasis on Ruby’s leadership and how Summer’s death has impacted her
Insight into Ren and Nora’s flaws
May Merigold will supposedly have a larger part
More information about The Long Memory (Ozpin’s cane)
Theme of the volume is that you can respect someone but that doesn’t necessarily mean you agree with them
Very short timeline (supposedly just two days)
Yang in particular is very suspicious and distrustful
And you know what? They did all this. In the spirit of being fair and honest to this show, RWBY succeeded in delivering on everything they promised... it was just our foolishness that expected that these ideas would be delivered well. Ruby's leadership took center stage in the form of her hiding for multiple episodes and then others telling her she's still The Best before the plot dropped a solution into her lap... one she could have used at any point prior to this. Summer's death certainly has an impact, though it's an impact born of a crazy reveal that Summer likely isn't dead, but turned into a horrifying grimm monster. Ren and Nora both delve into their flaws, but heaven forbid either grow from that reflection. Ren learns that if he pushes past his primary flaw of keeping his emotions buried and actually expresses his doubts for once, he'll be yelled at and ignored until he admits how wrong he was. The "real" flaw is being a bad friend, with "bad friend" equaling "Not agreeing with Ruby 100%." Meanwhile, Nora considers that maybe she shouldn't rush in recklessly and hit things with her hammer... which is why she rushes in recklessly, hits something with her hammer, gets grievously injured, and is told that this is just who she truly is. No growth there, not unless we count her sudden desire to figure out who she is without Ren... but that exploration hasn't started yet. Too bad she wasn't the teammate separated at the end of the volume!
Meanwhile, May did indeed have a larger role to play, one I quite liked, it's just that this role — like all the others — inevitably circled back to realizing how wonderful Ruby is. May challenges Ruby to make a decision, but instead of being the catalyst for Ruby's growth, May becomes another forgotten side character who does a sudden about-turn regarding her perspective, leaving the group with the contradictory message that Ruby is actually doing her best, she's just a kid, no need to try any harder... everyone who claimed otherwise up until now was mistaken. May is another Cordovin. She's another Qrow. She's another Maria.
Fun fact: we don't even know if Maria is alive right now. That's how little she means to the show!
Actually, wait... anyone remember this nonsense from Volume 7? 
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I was too lazy to change the date.
Moving on, Ozpin's cane turned out to be a stakes obliterating bomb that came out of nowhere, makes no sense logistically — how do battles store energy that only hurts grimm? — yet nevertheless seems to have killed Hazel? It's a disaster of unanswered questions. Similar to the disaster of our two day timeline when, I'm fairly sure, we've had an unnatural number of sunrises and sunsets. I'll have to take a look back at the volume as a whole now that it's complete to be sure of that though. As for our themes... did we really explore the idea of respecting someone even if you disagree with them? Because Ironwood wasn't shown any respect. Ren wasn't shown respect. I think the closest we got was Oscar calmly validating Yang's worry about getting buddy-buddy with Emerald, but the whole point there was that Yang was wrong. She wasn't wrong, but that's what the text would have you believe. She is indeed "very suspicious and distrustful," but that's hardly unjustified in these circumstances. I'm still boggling at the fact that it took the group three volumes for forgive Ozpin, even while he was actively working to assist them, yet I-helped-destroy-Beacon-and-tried-to-kill-everyone-you-love Emerald is the group's new BFF after she... ran away with Oscar? She didn't save him, she just went along for the ride. At the very least we might have gotten a scene where Penny was like, "Hey, why are you all laughing with the woman who just tried to kill my dad?"
But oh yeah, the story doesn't remember Pietro exists either. His daughter is DEAD and he hasn't been on screen since Episode Five, let alone there when she passes.
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I had my own list going in, including such expectations as "Ozpin bb you got done dirty please acknowledge this" and "Queer baiting, queer baiting… you’re on thin ice at this point, RWBY. Just skate on over to the queer snack bar before you fall straight into the lake." Obviously these needs were not met.
So what, given this mess of expectations, did we end up with?
Our finale — for some reason — breaks the one word title trend with "The Final Word." It's an expression that refers to the final word in an argument or a discussion, the idea of winning by making a last, devastating point. It can also refer to making the final decision on something, which is the best way I'm able to apply the title to this episode (outside of any “final” comparisons). Penny's death is certainly all about choice and making some kind of decision... but on the whole, this title doesn't feel like it fits well. Not like "Worthy" or "Creation" or "Risk." The two latter titles had obvious connections to the episode in question through dialogue and plot, while the former was a deliberate callback to Watts' speech. "The Final Word" feels... less obvious in what it’s trying to say.
That's a minor nitpick though. Let's get into the meat of the episode.
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We open on the grimm whale still disappearing, which is weird. I get that it's massively bigger than any other grimm we've seen, but they all turned to dust near instantaneously and it's been, what? At least an hour since Oscar blew it up? Likely longer when we factor in their walk back to the manor, the fight with Ironwood, fixing Penny, and this entire evacuation. It certainly makes for a nice visual, but like so many details in RWBY, it raises unnecessary questions along the way.
The important bit though is that amidst the whale carcass a blob of evil is swirling about. Salem, obviously. 
She’s not reforming in time to actually do anything though, don't worry.
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Instead, we cut to the Ironwood vs. Winter fight and there's at least some dialogue this time. Ironwood yells that he's sacrificed everything to keep Remnant safe. Winter yells back that he actually sacrificed everyone else. Obviously, Ironwood should be called out for things like, you know, his unprompted murders, but instead they have Winter listing stuff that she was never shown to have a problem with before. The embargo? "Squeezed Mantle until it broke?" She, as Ironwood's second hand, understood and supported both the decision to close the border and the need to collect resources for a plan designed to take out Salem. I hate that no only did she turn without an ounce of hesitation or grief, but now they're having her act as if Ironwood forced these decisions on everyone, rather than everyone supporting him through them. We all remember Volume 7 when Ruby pressured him to finish Amity, right? And in trust RWBY fashion, most of these words are meaningless. Mantle "broke"? What does that mean? The class disparity did not come about through Ironwood: that's been in the works for generations. The lack of resources made things harder, yes, but when they were reclaimed by Robyn nothing improved. Watts is the one who turned off the heat and Salem attacked Atlas, leaving Mantle alone. Now, all the citizens have escaped through magical portals. So how is Mantle "broken" exactly? More importantly, why is Winter upset over this vague, nonsensical dilemma when she could be yelling about Ironwood wanting to bomb Mantle?
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Again: this woman watched Ironwood shoot the councilman, shrugged, and continued to believe in him up until she realized his bomb threat was real. That was one of the main reasons why I thought the councilman might be alive, with Ironwood only shooting a warning shot past him. Because this is how you react to a good person unexpectedly killing someone else
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whereas this is what we got from Winter and Harriet.
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Hell, Weiss has more of a reaction to Yang telling Ruby things aren't super great right now.
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So either Ironwood didn't do something that bad, thereby justifying these tame reactions (unlikely, given where his character ended up), or we should believe based on the animation that everyone was super chill with him killing an unarmed civilian. Which is then directly contradicted when they're like, "You're going to shoot Marrow? Bomb a city?? How could you do such horrible things??? 😲" Friends, buddies, fictional pals... you already watched him murder a dude.
The point is, there's a lot for Winter to be upset about, but she's not upset about that. There's a lot that Winter herself believed in, but the writing has forgotten that. This entire arc went off the rails a volume ago.
Also, why is Ironwood fighting with that giant gun? This is his final battle, presumably ever, and he's wielding this awkward, sluggish weapon we saw him randomly pick up two episodes ago? Let him use his regular guns! Give us a fantastic battle like he had with Watts! Instead, RWBY's final showdown consists of him using this no-name weapon as a unwieldy club in some of the most boring choreography we've seen to date. It doesn't help that this fight needs to share time with three others. Instead of an epic showdown, we're given glimpses of the battle before continually cutting away from it. 
During that first cut we return to the Team RWBY battle where Penny, doing her best to stay out of Cinder's reach, is whisked away on Weiss' wasp.
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Too bad she didn't do that for Yang...
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Jaune and Nora watch this horror unfold until Jaune says, "Priority one!" and they split. Except... what is priority one exactly? Helping the civilians? I guess, because they don't enter the fight until the very end of it, when everyone else seems to have made it to Vacuo. And you know what, I like that. For once it feels like the group — or at least the B Team — is acting like huntsmen, putting the needs of the people over their own, personal desires. I'm sure Nora wants to help the group after Yang's (presumed) demise and that Jaune would like nothing more than to get his hands on Cinder, but they put those grievances aside to do the work they signed up for. Good job!
My only real gripe is that we don't really see this struggling in the animation, I'm just assuming it's there. In particular, there's a moment when Jaune sends Nora through the portal for reinforcements — not knowing they can't return — and they seem a little too jovial when, by this point, three friends have died.
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There's letting your cast be supportive, and then there's having them ignore that three teammates have perished in an abyss. It really doesn't help to sell the idea that Yang, Ruby, and Blake are in any danger here.
But I'm getting ahead of myself.
Penny tells Weiss that since Cinder is really just after the Maiden powers, she can buy the rest of the group time to escape. Weiss, obviously, isn't fond of this idea... and then the both of them are blasted off the wasp by Cinder's fire. Which they deserve, frankly. They're just having this casual conversation about sacrifice while in the middle of a battle. Did they somehow forget that Cinder can fly too?
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Note that multiple attacks from Cinder, another blast, and a hard landing on the pathway gives their auras a knock, but doesn't break them. The primary defense for Yang's aura shattering in a single, simple hit was that everyone is exhausted and running on little to no power... yet here the rest of the cast is, tanking multiple hits as we've come to expect. There is no explanation for Yang's defeat except that the writers chose to ignore the rules of their world for a dramatic death scene... even though that drama was erased a week later as half our team falls into the void too.
We'll get to that though. For now, Cinder corrects Penny's belief with "I want it all" and proceeds to try to finish them off, only for Blake to arrive, having made her choice from last episode about who to help. It's a legitimately nice attack, but I happened to pause at the bEST MOMENT
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Anyway.
We leave that fight to return to Qrow and Harriet who have, off screen, started an entirely different battle. What I mean is, last we saw Qrow had broken through the windshield of the airship, roughly pinned Harriet, and was taunting her about getting the fight she wanted. Now, suddenly, he's going “You’re making a mistake, Harriet, what happened to Clover—” as if he's been trying to talk her down this whole time. It's jarring, especially when we consider that Qrow had a volume long "kill Ironwood" arc that was dropped because... Robyn reminded him that murder is bad? RWBY feels like a storytelling pinball machine. Characters bounce from one personality to the next, one perspective and another, round and round until you don't know where they'll end up.
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Harriet screams for Qrow to just shut up already and honestly? Same. I love Qrow, he's one of my favorites, but I can't deny that he's been done dirty like so many others since Volume 6. I love who Qrow was, not the mess RWBY has created the last few years.
Time to delve back into fic after recapping!
Sadly though, this strange dialogue wasn't the only "wtf" moment. Harriet is still trying to drop the bomb — which is its own mess of confusing motivations — when Vine and Elm show up on Harriet's ship. Elm begs Harriet not to do this "because you’re our friend!”
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Am I glad that they finally acknowledged that the Ace Ops have always been friends? Sure, but why did we spend two volumes claiming otherwise? They were friends, a fantastic team, then Harriet announces that's a lie and we get a bunch of "Team RWBY is superior because they're actually friends" messages. Except this entire time we're still watching the Ace Ops be kind and playful with one another. But they're not friends, the story says. Not friends as they fight these battles. Not friends as they grieve for Clover. Definitely not friends as they react in horror at Ironwood nearly shooting Marrow. No, there's nothing there... until Elm claims there is! Then Harriet reacts in shock. I have friends?
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Except Elm was labeled the one "just following orders" by Yang. Elm is the one who shook off Vine after the whale exploded. This isn't the story of one character, Harriet, thinking she was alone and then realizing that people do care for her, this is a story that, seemingly at random, had this group being BFFs or acting like they hated each other — and at each point the visuals are contradicted by the story's message. When they act like friends, we're told they're not friends. When they don't act like friends, we're told they really have been this whole time. I mean, do any of them even care that Marrow teamed up with Qrow and Robyn to take them out five minutes ago? All three were going along with Ironwood's scheme until they were physically stopped, but now Elm is convinced this is a bad decision she needs to talk Harriet down from with the power of friendship?
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None of these characters are characters, they're just slapped together reactions based on whatever the plot needs. Who is Elm? I've got no clue. Her personality changes every episode.
Also, love that Qrow moves to stop the bomb from dropping and Harriet screams at him to "Get out of the way!" rather than just... attacking him? She even throws her hands out like she's having a temper tantrum. This feels like schoolyard bickering, not a life or death struggle.
Even though, you know, the audience is aware that the people of Mantle have already been evacuated and Qrow's group is aware that Atlas is falling on top of Mantle as they speak, so... why does the bomb matter? It's going to, what? Destroy the city thirty seconds before Atlas does? Oh no, the horror.
Things then, if you can believe it, get even worse. The bomb is still about to drop, so instead of doing anything to stop it — I mean seriously, we know it takes four people to shoulder the bomb's weight, but you're telling me Qrow and a reformed Harriet can't snag it in a pinch? — Qrow sits there, looks at Clover's pin... and the bomb careens towards the side of the airship instead, stopping.
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Because I guess Qrow has good luck now? Or always did and somehow never noticed it? Or his semblance evolved?? Again, we don't know, but it's a bad moment any way you slice it, imo. Qrow has always been defined as the guy with a bad luck semblance and, much like Penny's android struggles, the allure was in watching him overcome those challenges, not having the show erase the challenge entirely. Especially when we don't even understand how it was erased. Qrow just... stops drinking, stops caring for Ironwood, stops wanting to kill Ironwood, stops causing bad luck, I guess. RWBY takes major character traits and flips them off like a light switch, leaving the audience with no emotional tether. We didn't watch Qrow overcome his drinking, or realize he can't bear to kill Ironwood, or discover a way to live life with the horrible hand he was dealt, he just blinks one day and those things are gone. Why? No one is sure. Not even the writers, I'd wager, because otherwise they would have written explanations into the text.
Many in the fandom insist that any basic information provided by the story amounts to "hand holding" when in fact there is a massive difference between the sort of unnecessary exposition that bogs down a tale, and having facts enough for the audience in its entirety to be on the same page about what is actually happening. For example, recently someone argued strongly that the "Penny is human" take is incorrect because Penny isn't human, she has an inhuman body made entirely of aura... yet where in the world does this exist in the story? Ambrosius may have been unsure about what Penny would be prior to removing her robotic parts, but that ambiguity is gone once her body forms, the equivalent of worrying about that gun only for a flag with 'BANG' to appear instead of a bullet. Worrying about something doesn't mean that something actually occurred. Penny appears human, expresses human sentiments, and then, this episode, dies as a human. If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck and succumbs to the mortal peril that all ducks face... it's probably a duck. As I said in a recent ask, I implore the fandom to stop writing RWBY's scripts for them. Or rather, do so in some amazing fanfics. Don't do it on critical posts as a means of insisting that your revision is canon.
So Qrow has good luck now, maybe, but this character change doesn't amount to anything because Watts remotely starts the bomb's countdown.
At least he’s entertaining and competent. We had that for a time. 
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Back to the main battle, Neo is kicking Ruby's ass. Why? Because there's no consistency in power levels in this show. The ancient woman who hasn't fought in decades dances circles around Neo, highlighting how weak she supposedly is, yet now Neo dances circles around our main character. None of us should expect fights to follow the logic of the world, only what drama the plot wants to stir up. Ruby is eventually knocked down from a hard hit — yet her aura's intact! — and is saved at the last second by Weiss tossing Neo into one of the portals. 
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Far more of a problem than the power leveling is that Ruby gives no indication here that Neo just murdered her sister. Again, that's what the characters are meant to believe, yet Ruby is as stoic as she would be fighting a bunch of White Fang grunts. If you showed this scene to a RWBY fan on its own and asked, "What do you think happened prior to this?" the answer would be, "Uh... nothing? Ruby is just fighting Neo like she did on the airship in Volume 3." Nothing about this scene — from dialogue to animation — sells the idea that Ruby just lost the person most important to her in the world.
When we do finally mention Yang, it's Weiss who goes, “Come on, we have to do this for Yang” and the delivery is... meh. Honestly, I normally don't pay much attention to the voice acting, but I had a problem with most of Weiss' lines this episode. The "Leave her alone!" during this fight and later a "Get back!" as she attacks Cinder both fell really flat for me. Given the devastation and charged emotion that's supposed to be here, we can't give her anything better than generic cries that, again, she’d throw at any grunt? In that later scene the animation absolutely helps sell Weiss' distress, but the dialogue is common and the delivery has no emotional punch, leaving it feeling like Yang is just hanging out in Vacuo and they promised they'd beat the baddies before catching up with her. No one but Blake is acting like Yang died.
In fact, we see more emotion from Ruby when Weiss shoves her back, taking the brunt of Cinder's blast.
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Weiss' aura breaks, not that that's a danger or anything. Everyone falls before they're injured, Winter gets the Maiden powers, Ren barely has to fight. Losing aura in this show used to be a moment of peril, where just last volume Winter was bruised, bleeding, and now needs an assistive device because she had to continue a battle with no aura. Now it's a joke. Aura breaks left and right across the volume with no repercussions attached to that.
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We see a bit of the Blake and Penny vs. Cinder fight where Cinder blasts Blake off the edge. Penny rushes after her because at least one character remembered that they can fly.
Ruby, meanwhile, remembers that she can fly when it benefits her. After getting hit down onto a lower level and watching Crescent Rose plummet, she taunts Neo into an attack with a move that's actually quite good. I like the confidence with which Ruby riles her up and I like the strategy of darting behind Neo to knock her off the path instead. “Whatever you wanted, I hope it was worth it."
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The only thing I don't like is that this speed and ingenuity had to disappear to justify Yang falling.
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Cinder breaks Ruby's aura from behind though, sending her over too and grabbing onto Neo's leg. In an obvious moment born of the trope, it looks as if Cinder is reaching to help Neo, only for her to snag the Relic instead. “You should have never threatened me," she tells Neo and to Ruby: "you should have never been born.” 
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Love that they erased all that cool growth from last episode! And by "love" I mean "hate." As I said last recap, I'm not going to pretend that Cinder's character isn't riddled with problems, but realizing she was stronger by teaming up with Neo and Watts was one of the best things they've ever done for her. It made Cinder dangerous again and showed Watts' speech having a clear impact. It also made her more entertaining, creating a new dynamic among the three villains. Now though, Cinder is just... Cinder. The same boring, stupid Cinder we've had since Volume 4. She betrays Neo and then later betrays Watts.
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So Cinder kicks Neo and Ruby both over the edge because why would we want to make her interesting? Neo falls, but Ruby has friends there to catch her! Unlike Yang. Jk. Weiss’ aura is gone and Blake actually tried both times, so major kudos for her. Using momentum supplied by Penny, she snags Ruby and hooks her weapon into one of the pathways... only for Cinder to cut the ribbon. Both plummet and once again Penny has a more believable reaction to all this, just like she did last week
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Speaking of reactions, does anyone else find it weird that Cinder finally succeeded in killing Ruby and... doesn’t seem to care? 
No? Just me? 
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At least we get that good animation with Weiss I was talking about before, even if the dialogue is lacking. I love that she snagged Blake's weapon and uses it to try and take out Cinder, shaking the whole time. Those are some great details. 
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Back to the bomb, Qrow is trying to escape, but Harriet says there isn't enough time to get out of the blast range. "I've killed us all." Vine has the solution though, using his semblance to wrap up the airship, thus containing the blast when it goes off. His final words are to reassure Elm that he can give his life, "if it means saving all of my friends." Just in case you missed the part about the Ace Ops being super close this whole time. Even though they also weren’t. Trying to eat your cake too, RWBY? 
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Frankly, I didn't feel much of anything during this scene, not when Vine made the sacrifice, nor when Elm and Harriet look on sadly while Robyn pilots them away (that's her contribution this episode). 
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All I can say is, good on RWBY for not killing one of the three dark skinned characters, or just murdering the Ace Ops as a whole. What the story is going to do with them though, who knows.
Jaune and Nora have that ‘You can do it!’ moment after three of their friends have presumably been killed. I swear, about 80% of Jaune's scenes do not work tonally and oh boy, things only get worse from here.
First though, I like his entrance. He slams into the fight against Cinder and lines up with Penny and Weiss, who is still dual-wielding her and Blake's weapons. That's an epic shot.  
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It looks as if they stand a decent chance against Cinder — Weiss' lost aura notwithstanding — except then Cinder's arm starts going crazy and she gleefully announces that Salem has returned.
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Working on a time limit now, Cinder unleashes a volley of attacks that Penny steps in to protect the other two from. It's here that Cinder grabs hold with her grimm arm.
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It's here that Penny dies. Again.
For the third time.
Friends, I am tired. This moment honestly deserves the most epic of rants, but that, in turn, requires energy. Energy? In this economy? Ha! That's hilarious. Taking this seriously though, the problem here can — as usual — be boiled down to a single question: What was the point?
Penny died in a horrible attack that shook the cast and audience both to their core.
That emotional impact was erased through her resurrection.
The resurrection did not create a new emotional impact for our heroes to grapple with.
Penny is given the Maiden powers, solidifying the fact that she's always been a "real girl."
That lesson was erased when the story decided to make her human for unexplained reasons (because no, she never needed to be human to survive the virus).
Penny then dies, passing the power to Winter... who was set to get the power in the first place.
We have, once again, come full circle. You can take Penny out of the story and nothing changes. Does Ruby lose any lessons or emotional growth? No. Does anyone survive who would have otherwise died? No. Does her getting the powers lead to someone unexpected snagging them upon her death? No. Penny's existence was filler. She was put in the story to take up time and, that done, was removed from the story once again. It's a choice that wouldn't be half as horrible if that filler hadn't done so much damage along the way.
First is the obvious: that Penny didn't deserve this. As a character, she didn't deserve to be brought back just to be killed off again, seemingly without narrative purpose, serving only to draw in viewers who RT knew loved the character. Second, keeping her in the story led to her entire arc unraveling. Initially, Penny died as an android in the world's eyes, but those who actually knew her — Ruby and Pietro — mourned the girl she really was. Now we have this horrible message that being a machine isn't real enough, so she has to die as a human being. It's a disservice to her character and, as an allegory for many minorities, downright insulting to the audience. Third, this offensive 'better to die as a human than live as a robot' message is wrapped up in the claim that Penny finally gets to choose something — “Let me choose this one thing. Trust me” — but she already did that when she chose to take the Maiden powers. We already had the better written version of this last volume!
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And the fourth issue...well.  
Fourth and fifth are the real kickers. Fourth is that Penny's death was an assisted suicide. She explicitly asks Jaune to kill her so she can ensure she's thinking of the right person when she passes (never mind that her thoughts would probably be on Jaune while this is happening) and that's... pretty horrible. Look, I'm no purist. I like a great deal of dark, gritty stories whose plot exists to make us uncomfortable. That's a valuable emotion that fiction can generate. The problem is not that RWBY is tackling a sensitive topic, but that they aren’t tackling it well. Yes, they put in a content warning and (from what I've heard) a suicide helpline as well, but providing the already necessary resources is not the same thing as writing that kind of scene with respect and care. All of the above tells us that, no matter what RT may have intended, that respect and care weren't communicated to the audience. Like Yang, they didn't even bother to keep Penny's death within the rules of their world. Jaune is right there ready to heal her and Penny says no, there's supposedly not time.
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Um... since when?
Jaune's aura boost is instantaneous. The second he amplifies aura is the same second the healing starts and their talk could have been spent saving Penny. There was certainly time to save Weiss in Volume 5. To have a character go, 'Nah, it's too late' when the solution is right there is the ultimate cop-out. Suddenly announcing that the solution will no longer work For Reasons is not a legitimate limitation and it's made doubly insulting that RT didn't simply use the limitations already available to them. Jaune has been running low on aura since the whale. He then expended a great deal of aura boosting Penny to keep the virus in check. Every other ally has had their aura broken in this fight so, there. That's your solution. Have Jaune take a few hard hits from Cinder, his aura breaks, and then when Penny is mortally wounded he no longer has a semblance to heal her. It's that easy! Yet instead they had Penny reject help so that she could ask to die. That's what's offensive here.
Finally, reason number five... why is this moment given to Jaune? That's another easy solution: Jaune has gone through the portal and can't get back to heal Penny. There. Done. But logistics aside, this scene should have gone to any other character. Who is Jaune to Penny? Or Penny to Jaune? No one! They don't have a relationship. I get that the writers didn't want any of the girls at her side because then it would be hard to justify Penny not passing the power to them (which I get: making one team member a Maiden changes the show drastically), but you know who should be there instead of Jaune?
Pietro.
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Pietro, who built Penny as a weapon and who was never given the chance to apologize for that. Pietro, who told Ruby he could only rebuild her once more, setting up an expectation that he'd sacrifice himself for his daughter (despite the complicated racial issues that would bring up). Pietro, who watched Penny plummet and has no idea what happened to her, let alone that she's been made into a human girl. Pietro should have been at her side, saying goodbye to his child and helping her complete her last wish.
And it would be so very easy to pull off. All it takes is a single line where Penny remembers that her father exists, asking Ruby to ensure a portal opens up in Amity. There's a quick reunion along the pathways before Cinder attacks. We hear a cry of despair as Penny falls and she looks, seeing her father racing towards her, though she thought he'd already made it out. There, you’re done. We open ourselves up to a lot of attacks whenever we say, "Why didn't RWBY just do ____?" because those who vehemently defend the writing like to go, "Oh, you think you could write RWBY better?" and no, I don't. I struggle with long-form storytelling and massive casts. I don't think I could do justice to the sort of show RWBY wants to be, but I do think I'm a decent enough writer to spot when there are major problems like this. The question of "Why doesn't Penny remember that her beloved dad exists?" and "Why, out of that massive cast, is Jaune the one to do this deed?" are both things that a newbie writer can spot, and a sometimes okay writer can figure out how to fix them both simultaneously. A good writer will start thinking about themes — what might it mean for Pietro to kill the creation he made? — and a great writer will find a way to pull that off without having that insulting, discomforting feeling pop up. At this point, our RWBY crew feels less like new writers making mistakes (because they're not new, not at all), but rather just writers who haven't bothered to learn from their mistakes after eight years. That's a lot harder to watch.
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Because putting Jaune here doesn't just mess with RWBY's internal rules (not using his semblance) and it's not just useless in terms of Penny's development (she doesn't know him outside of "dude who boosted my aura for an hour"), but it also falls back into a pattern I thought RWBY had finally broken from: making Jaune the story's emotional center. This is not the JAUNE show. It's the RWBY show. Yet here, once again, we have Jaune in the spotlight. Why, after a whole volume of Ruby avoiding making decisions, does Jaune finally make the hard call? Why, after a scene where Penny asked Ruby to kill her, does Jaune do that deed? Why, after a divisive arc where all the grief for Pyrrha went to Jaune, is Jaune now set to shoulder the grief of Penny? At least Jaune had a relationship with Pyrrha, even if Nora and Ren did too. Yet with Penny he seems to be there solely because the writers can't bear to keep him out of that center spot for long. All of Team JNOR make it through to Vacuo... except Jaune. Jaune falls into the abyss too because, if the show goes this route, we apparently can’t have a volume just about Team RWBY, the main characters. The main characters are separated from the rest of the team and it's Jaune, not Oscar and Ozpin with a connection to the lore, not Nora or Ren whose development now hinges on them learning who they are without the other, it's Jaune who follows the title characters into a new dimension. 
The issue is not whether Jaune deserves to grieve over the truly traumatic thing he just did now that he’s done it. He obviously does. The issue is the writers setting up a scenario where Jaune is situated to do that emotional work in the first place. 
I like Jaune as a character. I don't like how the writing uses him as a character. RWBY is built on the idea that these four girls are the heroes of this tale, not the expected blond, blue-eyed, sword wielding guy we’ve seen in so many other stories. So why does that guy get the most important scene of the finale? Yes, Jaune had much less screen time this volume than he did in the past, that’s a good thing given the number of important characters RWBY has to balance, but that hasn't erased the problem of him being given significant moments that should be going to title characters. Does Ruby’s team rescue Oscar and take on Salem? No, Jaune's team does. Does Ruby's team save Penny? No, Jaune's semblance keeps her grounded and then holds the virus off. Not everything is a problem — we've also got good choices like having Ruby defeat the Hound and Ruby's team take on Cinder for the majority of the fight — but that doesn't erase that Penny’s death wasn’t something Jaune should have been a part of. Not unless he was going to heal her. Doing better than they have in the past doesn't mean that RT isn't still slipping when it comes to giving him undeserved focus.
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They took one of the most controversial characters, controversial because of how much emotional focus he's gotten in the past, and had him help a fan favorite commit suicide while he cried about it, showing more emotion for a near stranger than our title character showed for her sister. This is a character who, up until two or three episodes ago, had no connection to the victim and still has no reason to thematically be the one committing this act. That is why the fandom goes, “The crew loves Jaune and does everything they can to put him in the center of the action.” Ruby, as main character and Penny’s first friend, is the obvious choice here. Pietro, as Penny's father, would be a good choice too. Hell, Nora is a better option given their moment in the Schnee manor this volume. Or Winter given their moments in Volume 7! Have her escape Ironwood, find Penny, receive the powers, and then finish him off. Literally anyone would be better than Jaune, not because Jaune is a bad character, but because Jaune has no emotional stakes here and putting him in a position where he could heal Penny but doesn’t is massively stupid. No one should be surprised that a lot of the fandom is upset about this. It was one hell of a reach to give him this moment and, since Jaune's problem has always been getting too much screen time and emotional nuance compared to our main cast, it's no wonder this act brought up a lot of bad memories. RT fell back into an old pattern after two volumes of improvement and they did so at the worst possible time. 
The tl;dr is that Penny's third death is a writing travesty, just like her second. I shouldn't be surprised, given that this is the same volume that tortured a kid and the only thing they did with it was have him blindly trust his torturer... yet I find myself surprised nonetheless. Because Penny had such potential as an android Maiden and, as much as I personally hated it, potential as a former android learning to be human too. But why explore any of that when you can kill her off instead? Again.
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As a final, far smaller note about this scene, we have the continuing problem of what purpose Cinder's arm is serving. If everyone recalls, its threat comes primarily from the fact that she can "siphon off" power from other Maidens.
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She did it to Penny during the Amity battle and now she does it again, a great deal of green energy absorbed into Cinder. So what's left to give to Winter? Why doesn't Cinder become noticeably stronger with each successful theft? Like so much else in RWBY, we're told it exists without actually seeing the impact of that. Winter isn't a weaker Maiden for having lost power and Cinder isn't a stronger Maiden for having snagged it. It's just.. there, hanging out and looking vaguely menacing, I guess.
Outside of this unnatural not-transfer, we get to see how the power normally passes as Penny meets with Winter in some in-between place. It's a soft, heartfelt scene... with the exception that Winter says, “You were always the real Maiden at heart. I was just the machine. Just following orders."
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I don't know how any viewer can doubt that RT now believes machinery = evil. Penny's machine body is magicked away so she can be a real-real girl. Yang announces that the arm she worked hard to make a part of herself is just "extra." The man with half a metal body is made this volume's villain and losing his second arm is, by the authors' own admission, a symbol of his lost humanity. Mercury with two metal legs remains a bad guy while Emerald and Hazel are hastily redeemed. Tyrian with his cybernetic tail is the most devoted crazy of the bunch. Maria, blind and in need of assistive lenses, is so forgotten by the story she was left in the tundra nine episode ago and won't be mentioned again until next volume (if then). Pietro, the guy in the wheelchair, is forgotten too, despite it being his daughter who dies on screen.
Now Winter, also bearing an assistive device, says that she's the real "machine" here and tells Penny, now human, that she was always the "real Maiden." I don't know what happened to make RT do a 180 lately, but the disability rep is no longer what it was.
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Penny reassures Winter that she'll always be a part of her and then passes on, for good this time.
The rest of the episode feels lackluster, if I'm being honest. Images of Cinder beating Weiss are intercut with Ironwood beating Winter, getting her to a point where her aura breaks. 
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But then the powers appear and, as we'd expect, she easily turns the tide. 
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Gorgeous animation there. 
But RT once again rewrites earlier scenes by having Ironwood claim that the "destiny" he chose for Winter has finally arrived — isn't that Cinder's MO? — and Winter shoots back that he chose nothing, this was a "gift." Except, it was never about destiny or orders? This was why Weiss' anger in Volume 7 was ridiculous. She acted like Ironwood forced Winter to accept the powers and Winter told her point blank she chose this. Ironwood didn't decide anything, he offered and Winter chose... kind of like how Penny is choosing now. I hate how nearly all of Ironwood's character has been ignored or, during times like this, outright lied about to make him seem super duper evil. He tried to bomb a city! You don't need to make him seem evil anymore, that job is done! Like their sudden change regarding disability, RT now seems to be allergic to nuance. Heaven forbid Ironwood be allowed to have valid points like he did in Volume 3. No, if you've got an antagonist every single thing they've ever said must be twisted into a display of their evilness.
Unless you're Hazel, who Oscar trusts for #reasons. Unless you're Emerald, who the group immediately embraces. Unless you're Cinder, who gets to cry on a rooftop and secures the trust of her allies long enough to betray them again.
But Ironwood? Nah, screw that guy.
Salt aside, the fight is pretty boring. Winter literally just throws up a wall of ice and Ironwood's blast rebounds, taking him out.
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Winter flies through the portal and we return to Jaune. His sword is broken by Cinder, so weapons should be quite the problem in Volume 9. 
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There's a bit of sword vs. sword Maiden battling — this episode really pulled heavily from both Volume 3 and 5's finales — before Cinder gets smart again and attacks Weiss, currently trying to escape with Jaune. Weiss goes right off the edge and Winter isn't able to reach her in time. That's the entirety of Team RWBY, lost to the magical void.
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Kudos to Winter's VA and the writing here though. This feels like an appropriate reaction to losing a sister. Screaming, sobbing, falling to her knees and beating the floor... Ruby, take notes.
A roar sounds through all the portals though, the sort of roar a pissed off witch might give. Jaune convinces Winter they need to leave Cinder behind, but before they can escape Cinder... makes a new wish?
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Look, it works on all the major fronts. Cinder has the staff, check. We've basically established that Ambrosius can make an unlimited number of things per era, check. We know the previous thing disappears when a new wish is made, check. My only question is the timing. In all honesty, I'll have to re-watch the scene to be sure, but at the time it felt like the portals began disappearing almost the second Cinder left. Did she really have time to summon Ambrosius, deal with his explanatory nonsense, and get him to make a new wish without any fiddly concerns? Sure, fire is just fire, but it still felt like way too much happening too fast off screen.
Either way, the portals are gone and Winter makes it through in time, but Jaune does not. He falls through the void along with Team RWBY. And Neo.
Neo is the only addition I'm looking forward to here.
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We get a few shots of our other characters as Winter arrives, saving the day by taking her grief out on the grimm. So glad something came of Ren breaking his aura again! Maybe they'll be more fighting at the beginning of Volume 9? If we see any of this group outside of 9's finale. My worst fear right now is that we'll spend an entire season away from the main action — remember how I said it would be stupid for Team RWBY to go on a side adventure while Salem is attacking the world? — and when they return there will have been some major time skip. Salem has destroyed most of Remnant, only pockets of survivors remain, it's all dark and dystopian... and oh look, every bit of character development happened off screen. How did Nora discover who she is without Ren? She did it while Team RWBY was gone. That merge we've been teasing for five years? That happened while you were gone too and, btw, Ozpin has ceased to exist. So sad, right? Not that anyone will actually mourn. Just take comfort in the fact that his last line was an "Oh no" about Ambrosius and his last major scene was apologizing for how the group treated him. Emerald's redemption? Off screen. Winter's grief? Off screen. Any and every one of these challenging beats to tackle can be waved away with, "We went through that arc while you were lost in the magical realm. Just get to know our new, improved selves now!"
Please, oh writing gods, don't let that happen.
Though I do worry because my last prediction came true.
But we all knew we’d end up here. My current theory? The portal should still be open at the vault. Winter will fight Ironwood, escape through it, and it will close right before he escapes too. He’ll fall with Atlas and everyone will act as if it’s some beautiful, poetic justice for him to perish with the city. 
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Ironwood didn't make a break for the portal — too busy being unconscious — but we got everything else. Winter left him, he falls with Atlas, and this is some poetic justice, I guess. Really, it's just an undignified death. I'd hoped for a sympathetic kill, something that showed the characters still cared about him even if they knew Ironwood had to be stopped. Baring that, I'd hoped for an epic battle that took him out with style. Instead, no one even bothers to kill him. Ironwood is now beneath the entire cast, not even worth finishing off. Winter casually tosses his blast back at him and leaves. Cinder throws out a "that's checkmate" and leaves. I don't think Salem even looks at him. Ironwood (presumably) dies with no one and nothing, just a casualty of the city Team RWBY made fall. And I say "presumably" because the audience isn't even given the satisfaction of being sure he's passed on. Like Hazel, Ironwood's death is this weird, ambiguous moment that, based on the other character reactions, isn’t meant to be ambiguous. Is he dead? Most likely. Is it possible, based on what we've seen, that he'll pop up two volumes later like
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Yes and, memes aside, that sucks. I don't want to be wondering for the next couple years if Ironwood survived and if they'll bring him back just to drag his character through the mud again. Move on.
But no, we don't even get that.
I've spoken at great deal about Ironwood both in these recaps and on my blog more generally. Last week, I said I'd covered it all and there was no need to rehash it all again. I stand by that, so let me just conclude this travesty with a final note: if your bad guy's final moment is using the last of his strength to point a gun at the actual villain of this story, and you don't realize the problem of how this image contrasts everything else the story has insisted about his character? … I just don't know what to do with that.
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Oh, actually, final-final note: Ironwood’s semblance is officially a Schrodinger's semblance. It is both canonical and noncanonical simultaneously. Wooo. 
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Cinder tells Salem she used her wish to "add more flames to the first of Atlas" and we cut to Watts, trapped in a roaring fire, unsuccessfully trying to break his way out. Wow, I hate that too! Next to Tyrian, Watts was our last remaining, entertaining villain. He carried a lot of the last two volumes and, I had hoped, was going to add some bright spots to the coming volumes as well. Apparently not.
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Just another waste.
In addition to this casual, second murder of her ally, Cinder successfully convinces Salem that Neo killed Ruby and Ruby used the Lamp's last question, but she's back in her good graces since she snagged the Relics anyway. “You’ve done well, Cinder. Our work here is done" and they leave, blasting off like a less cool Team Rocket as Atlas plummets into Mantle.
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Let's spend a second to tally things up then, shall we? What happens if Ruby, instead of throwing a moral fit, says, "You're right and we never should have lied to you, or betrayed you. But we want to help now. You get the Relics and the Maiden to safety in Atlas, if you can, we'll defend the people of Mantle"?
Well, they can still tell the world about Salem and call for help, much more easily now since Ironwood would likely just give them the code rather than them needing to spend an episode stealing it.
The Staff at least may not have ended up in Salem's hands and the group could have actually focused on getting the Lamp back (also solved if they'd been smart and just put it in the vault to begin with).
Mantle would still have been safe because Salem was never interested in Mantle to begin with.
Atlas wouldn't have fallen.
Ironwood wouldn't have died.
Penny wouldn't have died.
Even Vine wouldn't have died!
Our heroes unambiguously made the situation worse. Rather than banding together with their allies to fight the real enemy, Salem, they pushed until they made enemies of Ironwood and the Ace Ops both. Then they asked for help — which a pinch of logic said would never arrive — and twiddled their thumbs waiting for it. When it was clear none would come they...did nothing. They sat around, upset that the people were in danger, but not willing to do anything about it. It's only when one of their own, Penny, is threatened that they kick into high gear, hitting on a solution that they could have posed to Ironwood from the very start if no one liked the fly away plan. Yet instead of taking a few minutes to brainstorm other ideas — doing anything other than denouncing Ironwood to the rest of the group and attacking the Ace Ops — they spent two days sitting around, fixing minor messes they’d helped to create, then rushed through the portal plan, messing up the wish and stranding an entire kingdom in a sandstorm, with only Winter now to protect them from grimm.
Fantastically done, team. 
The villains won, yes, but not because the villains were smart and compelling. Watts' hack on Penny and the heat petered out to nothing and Salem... well, she sat around for the whole volume, expending energy only to torture Oscar and try to (unsuccessfully) stop some escapees. Neo and, miraculously, Cinder did the most damage, but only in the final hour, with this "damage" being that our characters fall into a void that we now know looks remarkably like a paradise! Everything bad that happened was a result of our heroes being stupid and stubborn. That's a compelling story to tell... but RT isn't trying to tell it. Our heroes caused so much damage, yet that damage goes unacknowledged — or worse, ignored into silence like with Ren — and everything else is waved away with the magic wand the series claims isn't there. The cold doesn't kill anyone. Oscar has no problems walking off the torture. Nora hops back out of bed. Ruby one-shots the Hound. The civilians lost to the void must have survived too. The entire kingdom successfully makes it to Vacuo... unless you count the massive army we never saw making use of the portals, but who cares about them, right?
The villains won, there was indeed something resembling consequences, but none of it was emotionally satisfying. Not even when the series tries so hard to insist that emotion is there.
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Qrow watches Atlas fall, mouthing Ruby and Yang's names, but it's too little, too late. Where was this care for his nieces when he was obsessed with killing Ironwood? When did they care about him? Was it when Ruby shrugged at his arrest, when neither cared that he was missing, or when they were designing an escape plan that didn't include putting a portal where Qrow could reach? RWBY markets itself around the found family-ness of its cast, but they're done a poor job in recent volumes (not others) of convincing me that most of these characters care for one another. We went from Ruby denouncing all adults, to Ruby pulling an Ozpin with Ironwood, to Ruby watching blandly as her sister falls to her presumed death. This is my hero? This is the simple soul we're supposed to rally behind? Ruby doesn't feel like a character who cares about other people anymore and, given that she leads the charge, neither do most of her friends. Or, when that emotion appears, it's jarring and undeserved. Jaune cries over Penny's death? That's tonally and characteristically backwards.
This volume was the culmination of so many mistakes over the past two years. No, Covid couldn't have made things any easier for the crew — the fact that they got a volume out at all is amazing — but the pandemic isn't to blame for the problems in the story. These seeds have existed since Volume 5, with some (like Jaune) going back even farther. I don't think we're ever going to get that flawed, but emotionally fulfilling RWBY back. The show has dug too deep and unless it somehow manages to create a clean slate — those time travel ideas get more and more alluring! — there's nothing they can do but keep on digging. At this point, I can only hope that the series does wrap up within the next two volumes, rather than dragging RWBY to a Supernatural-esque length.
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Our final shot of the episode proper feels fitting for what this volume has been. Atlas and Mantle flood rather than exploding, something that makes a certain amount of sense, sure, but definitely wasn't what I was expecting. And after all these shocking images — Penny dying, the grimm attacking, our main characters disappearing in a puff of gold dust — we end it all with bits of random debris. It's strange and underwhelming. Out of everything you could have done with the options you had, you choose to do this?
Of course, RWBY always has an after-credits scene (RIP Raven's, still amounting to nothing). Here, the sounds of water return to show us a beach. Crescent Rose imbedded in the sand, mirroring its classic pose in the snow.  
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There's a tree. It's a very different kind of tree from what we saw in Volume 6, but the height and shape is nevertheless reminiscent of Light's domain.
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A tree of life, anyone? After all, the group has fallen into a dimension created by a Relic, the gift of Light himself. It certainly seems as if RWBY is heading towards another encounter with the Gods, though what that will look like and how narratively satisfying it will be remains to be seen.
As for our bingo board, RWBY certainly pulled its weight! Only three squares got gold stars: Watts and Jacques didn't manage another team up because both are dead, Oscar didn't apologize for getting shot because he was too busy being tortured, and Qrow didn't drink likely because he didn't have access to any alcohol across the whole volume. Can't say that's a stellar result. The final image is something to behold though lol.
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What a mess.
And on that less than exciting note... we’re done. This has been the volume of desertion, with a large number of fans telling me that they will no longer watch RWBY, but baring something entirely unexpected in my future, I'll be back next volume, for whatever that's worth. It never ceases to amaze me that even one person would give these nonsense recaps the time of day, so in all seriousness: thank you for reading. You rock.
Now go forth and fill the hiatus with great RWBY content!
✌️
119 notes · View notes
friggsdc · 3 years
Text
Title: little delinquent pt iii
part ii | part iii | part iv
Warnings: Female!reader (bat!sis), mostly family fluff, AU, hurt/comfort, Jason’s language
Word Count: 4700~
Synop: It had Bruce and Dick sharing a look for a moment before the latter spoke up, “It’s not like I’m against continuing to expand the family, but…” he eyed the child you held nervously, “please don’t start bringing home every child you find…” he tilted his head, “he’s bad enough.” Bruce settled a light glare at his first son (that definitely wasn’t what Bruce was thinking), though Dick was stilled by the way your eyes narrowed at him instead.
“His name is Terrence,” that was all you said, brushing past as they were suddenly on guard at the inherited Wayne-scowl on your face.
-
A/N:  tbh I cut the last chapter in two, this is the second half ee;;;; but I rewrote it to be it’s own chapter tho haha. Hum… this doesn’t pick up exactly where the last chapter ended, but it’s still all here. c’: Also, if you wear glasses, just know grumpy ol’ Bruce would probably force contacts on you in public (he’d see them as more ‘professional,’ and glasses as a danger/hazard in the field). Glasses are for home only sighs.
Ngl I see lexcorp similar to westworld’s delos, lotsa fancy designs ee;;;; Cadmus like nasa test rooms, clinical as heck with little to no windows, and wayne ent with Alien franchise’s archaic but advanced spaceship tech, or dracula’s castle with cubicles lmao
-
             “Hey, Jaybird…”
Normally he knew what to expect, normally he’d open the door braced for a tackle, so when the rush of wind never came, he was at a bit of a loss. There you were, dressed like Bruce for some irritating reason. A size-too-big of a jacket, zipped up over a uselessly thin black turtleneck, a pair of black gloves, pants covering everything, and a pair of black lace-less… boots… with red… soles…?, and a suspiciously familiar-looking kid in your arms…
There was a slight guilty look on your face as you gauged his reaction, he could tell, you were nervous.
Wait.
He eyed the kid something scary, his voice grounding out, “so, who do I have to murder?”
“You weren’t gone that long, you know.” Snorting, you pushed past him into the small safe house, frowning at the bareness of it all before situating Terrence on the floor mattress. “How you sleep on this thing is beyond me…” he just shrugged, “too used to it? Answer the question,” he pointed at the kid while closing the door, “who?”
Agitated.
“Terrence,” said child was looking around, but there was only so much that would grab his attention, as empty as the room was.
“His name is Terrence, and he’s no one else’s, he’s… mine.”
“You just said it hasn’t been that damned long—” his frustration was building; he wasn’t liking where this was going, not that you were aware which direction his head was headed at the moment, you’d just gotten here.
You shook your head, “don’t tell me you…” his anger settled into a dark scowl, but you refused to look at him, “you can’t seriously bring more kids into that fucking prison.” He was so conflicted, it was you, but you were still a Wayne. It scared him to think of more children stuck in that lonely mansion, becoming bitter like he had.
You remembered what Dick had said days earlier when he first saw the child,
“Jason—” you began, a slight warning to your tone.
He didn’t care,
“Don’t be like Bruce.”
His voice was so cold.
Terrence had crawled his way over to the legs of the table in the makeshift kitchen, eyes on a prize as he began trying to figure out how a chair worked.
“You know, that actually hurt.”
You didn’t hate your father like Jason projected, but you knew the way he spoke about him, the way he expressed his feelings, that he ‘hated’ him. It was a half-truth, you knew. Jason preferred not hurting you, next to Alfred, you were more tolerable than the other family members. 
Somedays Tim and Dick made that list. Somedays. 
But that didn’t mean he was actively trying to be kind, he wanted it to stab.
Petty. Resentful. Haunted.
He went to say more, but stopped, fists shaking slightly from anger.
You were staring him down, that same look of disappointment Bruce would give him when he made an obviously stupid decision, as if he were still a Robin in training. Like your father, you could read him like an open book when you tried, it made him feel vulnerable, guilty, small.
Fucking frustrated.
“Don’t look at me like that,” he was at a loss for words, “…shit.” He turned away from you, coming back to the moment as he tried to reign in his temper, “it’s just…”
“It’s fine.”
“No, it’s not.”
Instead of continuing to argue the point, too used to his outbursts (Alfred and your family primed you too well for dealing with the unstable emotions of others), you walked over and wrapped your arms around him, head resting on his clothed chest, “missed you, Jay.”
Almost hesitantly, his arms returned the hug, his head burying itself in your hair, “sorry…” he breathed out, almost too quiet. He was tense as you pulled back a bit, reaching up to grab his face in your gloved hands as you leaned up on your toes, pulling his head down to yours. You touched your forehead to his, making certain to be gentle, “Honestly, it’s okay Jay. I forgive you, okay?”
“Cold,” his hands cupped your (oddly chilled) gloved ones, eyes searching your face before he shifted, head nodding slightly, rubbing yours. A heavy sigh escaped him, an awkward smile forming, “so, how’s my cutest little sister been?”
Glad that he was trying to get past his guilt, you shook your head, “a roller coaster. Dad’s upset at me.”
He just snorted in amusement, relaxing a little as you continued, “And how was California? The Titans? I miss Kory…” you blinked at his flat expression, “what? You were at the Tower, right? With Kory and Roy, and the others?”
Wow you ruined the moment fast.
“Aaaand that’s where you stop being cute. I swear this family is full of creepers. I think Dick’s the only normal one,” you tilted your head as he kept his hands firmly on your shoulders. “Honestly, you and Tim are terrifying, your brother is a demon, and I don’t even want to describe Bruce.”
“Glad you didn’t include yourself in that, zomboy,” he groaned, “that’s hurtful,” then he pouted, finally getting a good look at you.
Terrence was old enough to stand on his two legs as he held onto the chair, but he kept stumbling as he moved uncertainly. His eyes were focused on his mission as he started trying to climb further up.
Something clicked in the back of Jason’s brain, sudden realization dawning, “what…” you sighed, his hand moving from your shoulder, “is this…?” You refused to meet his stare as his fingers hooked on the zipper of your jacket, “uhm…” you flushed as he pulled it down, a bright red bat in his face.
There was a sudden sparkle in his eyes.
“Huh, didn’t expect you to be that much of a fan.” You were burning from head to toe now, refusing to look at him at all, rubbing the back of your neck with a thick swallow. “That… that’s kind of the problem…”
“What, that you’re walking around with my colors?” His grin seemed disappointed, but turned a bit more concerned at the frown you leveled at him, “it… let me explain… I think I need help…”
“Definitely gonna need explanations. A lot of them.” The kid was one thing, this outfit was another. He made to sit down, and you followed, leaving Terrence to his own devices for the moment. 
It’s not like there was much trouble to get into, everything of worth or danger was out of his reach.
“…yeah.”
“…”
“…”
“What is it?”
“…Why’d you think I slept with someone? When you first saw Terrence in my arms?”
He leaned away from you, chin resting on his palm, propped up on the arm of the couch with his elbow, “I’m your brother, and he looks like… it’s… I’m supposed to get upset about that… just… answer…” he did his best to keep a straight face, but eventually he had to turn away, looking at the wall, ears burning.
“Hm…?” you leaned towards him and he didn’t have to look at you to know you had a less than innocent smile on right now.
“Creep.”
You just laughed as you leaned into his side, causing him to crack a small smile, still not looking at you.
-
[“So… How to start this…”]
[“The suit, first, Terry after.”]
[“Terry?”]
[“The kid. Just explaaaaain already, uuugh I have patrol in a few hours…”]
[A heavy sigh, “Okay, then... So, you know how Lex helps fund the Society’s shenanigans?”]
[“…oh.”]
[“Yeah.”]
-
When it came to most places, breaking and entering was always easier at night, but for the LexCorp building? Nighttime came with problems, it came with heightened security, rigorous control, and the easy ability to spot something that was out of place. There was also your youngest brother who had filled you in on his adventures with Jon once, not a single detail of the LexCorp building having been left out; he was a thorough kid.
It was far easier to infiltrate during the day, the number of staff on the security team, the cliques of scientists and researchers, and the average workers meandering about made it easy to blend. You had donned a pair of (older prototype) smart glasses, normal from the viewer’s perspective, an integrative matrix mapping AI system from the wearer’s. Well, it could do more, but this was what you needed, the constant reconstruction of old building plans for more accuracy as you walked around.
Tim’d made some amazing things over the years, such as his matrix encryption to keep your work phone quiet, scrambling any noticeable connections that could be traceable. But this one was probably the coolest in your opinion, and he had yet to see the return of said glasses since you wouldn’t give them up, and he could never find where you’d put them. The glasses were a useful subtle change from the norm, a quick disguise, the security barely giving you a glance-over as you entered the passcode for the ID tag you wore, walking into the building.
With a slight wave from you, and a “Good Afternoon!” from them, getting in the backdoor was always the easy part. There were two more women next to you chatting in excitement and you made to stick close to them, parting only when you came upon the women’s locker rooms. The badge number Tim’d tracked down for you was useful until it wasn’t, Lex’s problem was needing levels three and above extensive background checks on anyone hired, and Tim knew exactly where to look.
-
[“Like I said, terrifying.”]
[“You do the same thing.”]
[“That’s a bit above my paygrade, usually I ask Tim for help when I need information from behind top-of-the-line security walls.”]
[“Oh.”]
[“Yeah.”]
-
Next was invasion of personal privacy and property, and a lot of it. You’d have felt worse if it weren’t for having been raised this way, “you’ll find out that people are just that, some sick and twisted, some happy and kind-hearted, but in the end, we’re all the same. Eventually, nothing will surprise you,” your father would say.
It didn’t take long, going through a few lockers and purses, letting your glasses do most of the work. They were able to see in a three-dimensional matrix, constantly being constructed behind most any material or metal. There were plenty of lab coats in varying sizes to choose from, and you spotted one badge and wondered who the dumdum was. You had plenty of electromagnetic strips for your ID if you needed a switch, but it seemed unnecessary. Some people left their everything when they clocked out, too.
You’d secured your purse around your stomach and under your shirt, the bulge flattened at your side, tying the ends in place. It would uncomfortably dig into you, but you couldn’t leave it behind and it would only be for a short time.
No one had paid you any mind, too busy rushing to get in and out of the locker rooms, and you made to escape with a group of women in the same coats as yourself. The group and yourself came to an elevator, and you let them do all the work. One of them scanning their ID for the group, the rest blurting out the number of the floor they needed to get to, and yourself joining in. A strange calm settling as you got more into the coworker attitude.
Seventh level Research and Development wing.
-
[“Not his office?”]
[“Why?”]
[“I dunno, there’s probably some terrible top-secret info in there.”]
[“I mean, I was on the main R&D floor, how much more top secret can you get?”]
[“Touché.”]
-
The entire R&D area was made up of floor to ceiling glass window dividers, a white and chromatic color scheme, and a lot of tightly sealed doors. You honestly didn’t even need the glasses to find the head researcher’s office, it was written in huge bold letters next to the dumb door on a plaque.
Weaving through a few people with their eyes busy reading clipboards and cellphones, you eyed each inch of the floor, and wondered if the other stock standard R&D floors at LexCorp were similar. No one paid you any mind as you stood in front of the group of office doors, all packed neatly in a little corner, and each leading to a different R&D office. They were mostly empty, only one occupied, most of the techbros and techgals were out and about doing work.
Again, the glasses did the decoding work for you, getting you the set of numbers you needed to enter the room. Unlike the rest of the lab, this office had less windows, though the few it did have were still large. Though they faced out rather than in, and it also wasn’t as large and as roomy as you’d have imagined. The Wayne R&D offices being waaay bigger in comparison.
Taking out two small flash drives, you shoved the sticks into the lone computer on the desk, booted it up, and just let them do their thing. Having the computer start with the flash drive, it acted as an executable program, letting it bypass any needed passcodes or security clearance for now.
One for unlocking the system, the other for information storage.
No doubt someone will notice that.
You wondered briefly if this was how the Cyborg felt, only ever having gotten to see him briefly before he utterly devastated an entire operating system. He then rebuilt it to his preferences, all in the matter of seconds. Tim had always lamented not getting to watch when you described it.
Notably, it was quite lovely how LexCorp’s researchers had everything organized in a folder subsystem so well. You were able to track down the needed information in less than a few minutes through the root directory.
Gotta be faster.
However, as you stared at the processing bar on your information download, there wasn’t a whole lot to do. Clicking the monitor’s sleep button to dim any light, you stood up and strode over to the door.
Being the lookout for a computer program was a new one.
-
[“Pfff.”]
[He snickered behind his palm as you smacked him on the shoulder.]
[“At least you got in without needing to hack anything yourself. Get dunked on, Dick, Damian.”]
[Light laughter echoed.]
-
Nothing had happened by the time the computer let out a small ding, indicating the download had finished. With both flash drives now pocketed, you turned to the next problem: getting out.
It really shouldn’t have been that hard, it was so stupidly easy to get in, thank you new temporary coworkers, but as you eyed the group of security detail by the elevator, you made a hard turn to the side.
Had you gone through the front doors instead of the employee entrance, you would have seen a ton of security. Through the back however, they really were only at certain check points, it’s not like just anyone could get in. So of course, there was no way they would have been able to get so far as the head office of any department.
How long had you been gone from the others? How long did you still have on Tim’s encryptions?
Oh heck.
The options were now trying to squeeze by the security, which was doubtful, they were checking everyone, or figure out a way to base jump without any gear. Neither option sounded appealing, you had no wings or grappling hooks with you, and it was still midday.
The corridor you turned into went from full on glass to a partition supporting windows, half and half, split horizontally to allow for more privacy, probably.
This was also exactly where you didn’t want to be.
Frick.
Most of the rooms looked like chemistry labs, charts everywhere, huge gravity convection and forced-air ovens, and thermo-freezers that looked like they belonged in meat markets. It was almost overwhelming at how cool some of these things looked as you searched for an exit. So filled with anxiety and adrenaline as you were, you almost missed it out of the corner of your eye. It was the red shimmering of a glass bowl on your face that made you notice it, the barely-there stream of sun that caught it just right.
You wasted no time getting to work, the door just as easy as the others, passcodes, they were all passcodes. Where were the fingerprint and retina scanners? Hell, where was the facial recognition scanners? You’d come prepared for so much, so you were incredibly confused at the lax security features. But again, this wasn’t the ground floor and security clearance was stricter this far in, your badge did most of the infiltration for you.
Was your dad that paranoid that now, so were you?
-
[“The civi world is full of sub-par idiots.”]
[“You sound like Dami.]
[“Gross.”]
[“…it’s uncanny, really, he said the same thing.”]
[“Shit.”]
-
The room looked similar to the others, less windows, more wall, plenty of graphs and charts, but there were a few different things as well. A few of which you pocketed; the only expensive looking laptop was also grabbed straight off a table to the side of your quarry.
The most notable thing however was glaring you boldly in the face, all black and a giant red bat on the chest.
A batsuit.
-
[“Yeah, I’m gonna want to know why baldy even had this thing.”]
[“Tim’s going through the drives right now, Dami dropped them off…”]
[“Damn.”]
-
Why did Lex have a batsuit? Where did he get it from, or did he help develop it? Terrence was part of all this, and what about your fa… the Batman? Why was Cadmus part of all this? Why was Lex? Were there more suits? More clo— children?
Shit shit shitshitshitshi—
To say you were freaking out a bit was an understatement.
Hearing heavy footsteps, you panicked and grabbed the garment from behind it’s glass case and took a dive behind the nearest desk. They hadn’t come in yet, they hadn’t gotten to this room, there was still time, but… still time to what?
You eyed the suit in your hands, it’s size horribly different from your own body type (but you could probably still fit it) and you decided to make a really dumb decision then and there.
You were gonna get caught regardless, might as well suit up and try to fight your way out. If you were lucky, you could get out of this without ruining your father’s reputation (or Batman’s identity.)
You began stripping behind the desk, fully intent on donning the batsuit. If nothing else, these things usually came with masks, even though you hadn’t seen a single one near it.
The moment you pulled the fabric over your legs, heels sliding effortlessly into the red soles, you watched almost in amazement as the fabric melted to your skin, reshaping to fit you. There was going to be a lot of bagginess in the suit when you wore it, a lot of tightness in weird places, too, and it had looked fitted to a larger male. So you hadn’t expected the suit to fit perfectly on purpose. It even had a built-in utility belt. Suddenly you were a bit giddy.
Again, what the hell was Lex Luthor doing?
“So freaking cool.”
The material felt almost like a second skin, there was also no sensory loss from wearing it, you could feel the floor as if you were barehanded.
You’d never thought about it before, but now you couldn’t take your mind off Dick and his skintight suit. You felt almost nude in this suit, not used to something showing everything off like it was.
Did Dick enjoy this?
Your ears burned brightly as you finished suiting up, no longer able to think about a large portion of superheroes and villains.
How could you ever face some of them again?
How could you ever look Dick in the eyes again?
“Oh no…”
Perverts. All of them.
-
[Loud laughter.]
[A very red face.]
-
You had to admit though, it was so much cooler than your heavier and bulkier recon gear. It didn’t weigh you down and the sensory adaptation was something you’d never come across before. Speaking of, reaching up, you took the glasses off to get a clear view of your surroundings and immediately regretted it.
The suit seemed to come to life on it’s own as something came out of nowhere, engulfing your head in complete darkness.
A silent scream, too terrified to let out any sound.
You about died then and there.
The suit wasn’t that cool anymore.
Without missing a beat and calming your fears of being bagged or worse, the darkness faded, and you could see your surroundings. Blinking for a moment to adjust, you tried to get your bearings on what the hell just happened, your hand gingerly coming up to feel your face.
[Booting...]
Were you hearing things or did the suit just...?
Unfortunately, that was the exact moment the door to the room you were in opened, and you panicked. It was a dead-end room, you weren’t as good at fighting as your brothers, and the security here could be scary when hunting down an intruder.
Stupid Lex.
Without thinking, you grabbed your things now bundled up in the labcoat like a bag, slung it over your shoulder, and bolted towards one of the windows looking out.
You were so used to recon jobs that you hadn’t taken into consideration that you had none of your gear (but your brothers did this kind of stupid thing constantly, so you’d be okay, right?).
You were too caught up in the moment.
You hadn’t heard the sound, mind too blank, but the glass falling around you was enough indication of just what you had done.
Base jumping it was.
You were in a batsuit, after all. 
Falling seven stories was terrifying, but definitely brought you back to reality. Securing the makeshift bag on your back, tied around your neck, you began thinking as fast as you could. Claws? The suit had them, you had noticed, but you were too far from the building, having jumped a distance, then... The suit had a built-in utility belt, right? Maybe there was something useful in one of the —
[Servo-Motors engage…]
[Checking system function…]
[Loading protocol…]
…huh?
[84 feet till impact.]
…wait—
[75 feet till impact.]
“Yeah I see that.”
[71 feet till impact.]
“Thanks.” Sarcasm, “What else can you tell me other than my unfortunate demise at the hands of gravity?”
[Thrusters not online.]
[68 feet till impact.]
[Grappling gun unavailable.]
[Batarang lines unavailable.]
[67 feet till impact.]
[Retractable wings availa—]
“Yes, that one, wings, please! Wait… thrusters?” you had little time as your whole body suddenly started tumbling, a set of red wings expanding between your arms and the sides of your torso. “Shitshitsh—” and then you were gliding, your arms having spread on their own from the force of the fall. “Oh… Oh my…”
The suit was cool again, “Dang this is… nice… Like a bird or… him.” You reeeaaallllly didn’t want to chance him hearing you say his name.
You wanted to try this higher up now, in a sea of clouds… It was like floating, an almost weightless feeling taking over. The wind currents were a bit to get used to, but it wasn’t terrible, having imagined it would be worse higher up, in them dang fluffy clouds... sigh.
[23 feet till landing.]
The suit helped guide you to an area with less people, something akin to your own Gotham alleyways (to a point, Metropolis’ worst streets were like Gotham’s safest ones). The small alley that led to several businesses’ back doors was rather clean, and there weren’t many places to hide. The best you could do was a growing shadow next to an empty dumpster.
“Alright then…” you sighed aloud, hands doing their best to find any seam in the suit, and after a few minutes, your—
[Heart rate at 142bpm.]
[Heart rate rising.]
[Blood pressure at—]
“—No kidding,” you thought, mind racing, and unfortunately, there wasn’t a single seam on the suit.
Anxiety was building in your chest,
“Frick.”
-
[“Wait, the suit talks?”]
[“I think it has an OS on it? I haven’t tried the cowl since…”]
[“You should.”]
[“…Nnnn”]
-
“Why do you look like Nightwing?” All you did was take the clothes from Damian and began to dress yourself over the suit, not certain at all on what you could say to this situation. You’d called Damian the moment you lucked out and made the cowl… come off?, and in his eagerness to leave Jon behind, he showed up quickly.
“You will tell me,” he was sounding just like dad.
“Dami, I uhm…”
“…I won’t tell father.” he could deduce a few things this pertained to, including but not limited to the child you had brought home, and how you avoided Bruce.
You could only sigh and nod at him, resigned. You really hope this didn’t come back to bite you in the bottom.
“What are you two doing?”
The clothes you had couldn’t cover most of the suit, the clothes Damian had brought you were able to do just that. Strangely, you weren’t feeling overheated, even though you looked like you were ready for cold weather.
“Ah, Jon.”
“You look silly.”
“…thanks.”
[“…”]
[”...”]
-
“Nightwing? Screw that brat.”
“Please don’t speak like that…” you sighed, your head in your hands.
He just huffed in annoyance, “I wear the colors better,” he muttered, “it sounds like a lot, what's your next plan of action?”
You let yourself slump forwards as he pulled you into a side-hug, arm slung over your shoulders, “it’s this suit. I can’t get it off, and—"
BAM
You and Jason about had twin heart attacks.
Without missing another fraction of a second, the larger male was on his feet, flipping over the back of the couch ready to attack before he swore at the sight in front of him. Striding over to the table in two long steps, “What the hell, Terry.” He haphazardly picked the kid up, a red helmet falling on the table with a clang, and turned to you, “your kid just tried to kill us, you realize.”
Having slid to the ground out of need to instantly roll to the side, you stopped, staring at the smoking gun that’d been pushed off the table, lying on the floor near you. Your eyes then shifting to the hole in the safehouse’s wall, “Uhm… The safety…”
He just snorted, “I don’t always have it on.” He wasn’t great at taking care of himself, sadly. You did your best with your busy schedule and budgeted time constraints, but when he wasn’t here, he easily fell into old habits.
“Please don’t let the demon spawn near him.”
“Please keep the damned safety on your guns.”
-
Batman was straining so hard that it looked like he was in the middle of a fight, an obvious aura of unrest around him.
“Whoa, you gonna punch yourself in the face? Wait, wait a minute, I gotta…” Batman groaned, irritated as a red blur came into the room, jabbered on too quickly, then took his phone out and pointed it at the big bat.
“Okay, I’m recording now, do it!”
It took a moment as Batman thought, rubbing his temples.
“I trained my kids too well,” at that, Flash put his phone down, tilting his head in confusion, “and that’s… bad?” He looked up at the League’s computers in front of him, noting the blinking [[ALERT ALERT ALERT]] off to the side.
“Because,” Batman reasoned, “I have to deal with them,” he ground out, glaring at the sign of intrusion.
“Ooooh, your kids hacked into the system again, huh?” Flash let out a low whistle, clearly amused by Batman’s misfortunes. Batman did his best to ignore the red nerd, calling on Cyborg to assist him, even though he had already been on his way, noticing it moments prior.
“Family, amirite?”
Batman said nothing in response,
Tim almost got away with it.
Almost.
61 notes · View notes
musings-from-mars · 3 years
Text
@nuts-and-dolts-week - Day 8: Bonus Day!
For Bonus Day, with some inspiration from the FS discord, I gave myself a little challenge to create a story that somehow integrates every prompt for Nuts and Dolts Week! And this is the result!
This has been such a fun event to be a part of, and not only that, this is the first ship week I’ve ever completed! That may not be a huge accomplishment but I’m still super happy 🥰 Thank you to Bio for running this event and to everyone who created content for it, you’re all so talented and sensational!
You can read all my other NnD Week submissions on AO3, maybe kudo and comment if you are so inclined~ Hope you enjoy, thank you so much for reading!
Nuts and Dolts Week 2021 Stories - MusingsFromMars on AO3
Tomorrow they would graduate from Beacon, but tonight, they would have one more picnic in the Emerald Forest.
With a basket full of food and treats in the crook of her elbow, Ruby walked along with Penny down the familiar hillside trail, hiking into the forest towards what they had begun to call Their Spot. The sun at this point was almost set, bathing the partly cloudy sky with a bright orange hue. An evening picnic might have been unusual to most, but to the couple of soon-to-be huntresses, it was perfect.
Since this would be the last time they’d have a picnic like this together, they both went all-out with their preparations. Penny had dressed in her favorite white flowery dress and sun hat, and even had cute sparkly pink lip gloss, eyeliner, and green eyeshadow (all courtesy of Belladonna Cosmetic Services). Ruby had gone even more formal, wearing a white button-up, black suspenders and bow tie, and a red skirt. Weiss had remarked to her that this was a bit much for a picnic, but Ruby assured her that this was perfect for the occasion. Weiss couldn’t be blamed for not knowing all of her plans, after all. In fact, no one else knew what Ruby was planning for this evening.
Tucked securely in her shirt pocket was a small velvet drawstring pouch. Inside it was a ring, Penny’s ring. Ruby had made it herself. Even though her area of expertise was weapons crafting and not jewelry design, she was happy with how it turned out. She even felt confident that Penny would love it, too. Ruby had made it with her in mind, after all. And tonight would be the night that she would give it to Penny and ask her to marry her.
Ruby felt oddly calm about her plan right now. She had imagined herself being really nervous and unable to keep quiet about her plan for long, but now that they were on their way to the very spot she would propose, Ruby felt confident and at ease. Maybe that was the effect Penny had on her. Ruby always felt more comfortable whenever Penny was nearby. It was as if seeing her happy and safe was enough to put everything in perspective. How bad could a problem be if Penny were there for her?
Once they arrived at Their Spot, Penny unfurled the blanket she’d had tucked under her arm, spreading it out over the grass. From here, the thick treeline blocked out the setting sun, leaving them surrounded by soft shadows and gentle warm hues from the dusk sky. 
This was all routine by this point. Penny would lay out the blanket, they’d both sit down and open the basket, and Ruby would start munching away at a sandwich while Penny made some tea (using a kettle, the water they packed, and her ability to hold anything in her hand and superheat it, of course). Penny enjoyed making tea this way because it made it easy to smell the complex aromas. While Penny’s tech advancements still didn’t allow her to taste, she at least had made a breakthrough and could now smell things, and tea was one of her favorites. “I am brewing lavender chamomile,” Penny said to Ruby. “It is the tea we had together the first time we had a picnic here.”
Ruby finished her bite of sandwich and smiled. “I love how you can remember little details like that.”
“I remember most everything,” Penny said. “Though our first picnic is certainly easy to recall. It was a lovely occasion.”
“Besides us starting a minor forest fire with Weiss’ electric kettle,” Ruby recounted with a laugh.
“And that is why we use this method now.” Penny nodded to the kettle, holding its underside. “It is much less dangerous.”
“Yeah, I shouldn’t be trusted around hot surfaces,” Ruby said with a giggle, then took another bite of sandwich. “Do you…” She began, but recalled her manners and swallowed her food before continuing. “Do you remember our first date?”
“Of course,” Penny said with a grin. “The one you essentially had to force me to go on.”
“I didn’t force you, did I?” Ruby asked with a raised eyebrow. 
“I was certainly nervous about raising the ire of General Ironwood,” she recalled. “But I am quite thankful you did convince me to go to the arcade with you, even if the General was cross with me.”
“You got so many tickets!” Ruby remembered.
“The patterns and rhythms of those arcade machines were not very sophisticated. They were easily exploited for maximum payout.”
“I still have that big plush frog we got as a prize somewhere,” Ruby remembered. “What did we call him?”
“Mister Bumpy Butt.”
“Mister Bumpy Butt!” Ruby said with a grin. “Because he had—”
“—bumps on his butt!” Penny finished for her.
“I still say he should talk to his frog doctor about that,” Ruby joked. 
“Indeed, butt bumps could be a sign of underlying illness.”
Ruby snorted and laughed, leaning over and lying her head on Penny’s shoulder. “Gods, we’re so weird.”
“Yes, but I enjoy being weird with you,” Penny replied, smiling as she leaned her cheek against the top of Ruby’s head. 
“As do I,” Ruby agreed. 
As Ruby took another bite of sandwich, Penny’s kettle began to whistle, and she retrieved two mugs from the basket. One mug already had a few sugar cubes sitting in the bottom. That was Ruby’s mug, of course. Penny filled both with hot tea and handed one to her. No matter what kind of tea it was, Ruby always had to drink it with sugar (much to Weiss’ and Blake’s horror). She took a careful sip and hummed happily. “Perfect as always, Penny.”
“Why thank you,” Penny beamed and set the empty kettle aside. She cradled her mug with both hands and enjoyed the smell of the tea as steam floated from the mug and into the air. She watched as Ruby sipped her tea, then asked, “Do you remember about a couple years before we met properly in Vale, you had accidentally met me when I was still in development at Atlas Academy?”
Ruby’s eyes went wide, and she had to make sure to swallow her tea lest she choke on it before answering, “I almost forgot all about that!”
Penny grinned and nodded. “You know, my father almost deleted that conversation from my memory for fear of ‘contamination,’ but then figured he had advanced my software far enough to the point that my interaction with you might be beneficial. And it turns out it was!”
“How so?” Ruby asked curiously, sipping her tea a bit more carefully.
“I think back to that meeting, and the way I remember it, from that day forward I had so much confidence when meeting new people. I admit, it took me a while to really understand that I might have been, well...forward with new acquaintances, but I think because you, the first ‘stranger’ I ever met, were so nice to me, it made me so optimistic about meeting new people.” She smiled at Ruby. “And that’s why I have so many friends now. All thanks to you.”
“Thanks to me and my insatiable curiosity,” Ruby added with a giggle. “But that’s honestly really sweet. I’m glad I ran into laptop you all those years ago.”
“That laptop was not the most aesthetically pleasing chassis to inhabit. I mean, I had very little physical self-awareness at that point, but looking back on it…”
“Yeah, you’re way sexier now,” Ruby joked.
“Precisely!” Penny agreed wholeheartedly, once again making Ruby laugh.
The sun had fully set by now, and stars began to dot the dark blue sky. The daytime warmth still lingered, but a gentle breeze began to slowly whisk it away.
“Ruby, look at me.”
Ruby blinked and looked her way, surprised by the suddenness of her request. “Huh?”
Penny only stared at her in the face, not offering an explanation. A few seconds later, she smiled and nodded. “Yep. Quite similar indeed.”
“What?” Ruby asked.
“Your eyes,” Penny said. “They look so similar to the moon when it is dark out.” She looked over Ruby’s shoulder. “But I have never gotten to make a side-by-side comparison until now.”
Ruby turned and looked the same way and saw the shattered moon. It had been just behind her head from Penny’s view. Ruby giggled and looked back at her girlfriend. “You’re so sweet.” 
Penny smiled wide, her green eyes practically glowing with happiness. 
“You know,” Ruby began, leaning a bit closer to Penny. “I don’t think I could compare your eyes to anything.”
Penny tilted her head to the side a bit. “Oh? How come?”
“I’ve never seen anything like them. They’re just so bright and shiny and green.”
Penny blinked, then her cheeks glowed a faint green. “You mean my eyes are incomparable?”
Ruby hadn’t realized her own romantic turn of phrase, but she smiled and nodded. “Yeah, exactly! There’s nothing in the world quite like your pretty eyes.”
Penny smiled, then leaned forward and kissed Ruby’s cheek. “You are so sweet.” Then her eyes went wide, noticing something else behind Ruby. “Oh, the fireflies!”
Ruby gasped and turned her head quickly, and sure enough, the night’s first lightning bugs were beginning to emerge, darting about and glowing. More and more appeared, blinking in a constant array of light like a visual symphony. 
“It has been so long since we have seen so many,” Penny said with delight. “Oh, I am so happy they appeared tonight. You know it is almost as if they knew this was our last picnic here, because at this time of year their numbers typically begin to dwindle due to the changes in weather…”
Penny was once again infodumping about insects and Ruby’s heart swelled with a familiar adoration. She wanted to kiss her so bad, but that would mean interrupting Penny as she talked about the temperature preferences of flying bugs. She held off her desire to tackle her into the grass and pepper her face with kisses until later. In the meantime, she set her tea aside and propped her elbows on her knees, all while watching those aforementioned incomparable eyes as they followed the flights of nearby fireflies as she continued. 
It wasn’t until a few minutes later that Penny’s voice began to trail away, and she turned to look at Ruby. “Oh, I have been talking for quite some time, huh?”
“Yeah, but I like listening to you talk about fireflies, Firefly,” Ruby said softly with a smile, still with her hands under her chin, still resting her elbows on her knees. 
Penny chuckled bashfully. “They are just such fascinating creatures.”
“Hey Penny?”
“Hm?” Penny turned, her eyes meeting Ruby’s again. With the moon reflecting off her eyes, they almost seemed to shine. 
“I love you.”
“I love you too.” Penny smiled gently.
Ruby reached out and took Penny’s hand in hers, then took a moment to look around. “Uhm, here.” She got to her feet, still holding Penny’s hand. “This way.”
Penny stood and followed as Ruby led her off the picnic blanket and onto the grass. They walked through the grass a few steps, fireflies floating about them as if used to their presence. Ruby stopped and faced Penny.
Her heart was pounding in her chest, and despite the slowly falling temperatures outside, she was beginning to feel a little hot under her button-up. Here was the nervousness she expected to feel earlier, springing up just as she was about to do what this entire evening was leading to. She took a breath and fidgeted a bit with her bow tie.
“Are you okay?” Penny asked quietly, still holding one of Ruby’s hands. 
“I’m...great,” Ruby said. It sounded like a lie, but it wasn’t. She felt anxious, sweaty, and absolutely fantastic all at once. “Penny, I… I have something to ask you. It’s important.”
Penny nodded, giving her her full attention. 
Ruby took a breath and nodded. “Penny, when I told you that you are a real girl, I meant it. That day in that alleyway in Vale, I could see how unsure you were, how scared you were. And yet, when I assured you that you’re as real to me as I am to you, you believed me. I could definitely tell how happy that moment made you feel from how hard you hugged me, but...it made me happy, too. To know that I had said something to make you feel real…” Oh no, tears. Not now, tears. “And you believed me.”
Penny stepped a little closer and nodded. “Of course I believed you.”
Ruby smiled, but she willed herself to continue. “Then that day when I thought you were going back to Atlas. I was so scared because I wasn’t sure if I’d ever get to see you again. I ran to find you, and I confessed to you right then and there that I loved you, that I couldn’t let you leave because I knew that you wanted to stay just as much as I wanted you to stay. And…” She was losing her fight against her tears, one escaping and running down her cheek as a smile grew on her face. “I said I love you. And...you believed me.”
“Of course I believed you,” Penny said again with a soft chuckle. She lifted her hand and gently wiped away Ruby’s tears. “I have loved you since the day we became friends.”
Ruby nodded and sniffed. “So have I.” She wiped at her own face, doing her best to compose herself. She wanted to get this moment exactly right. “And now we’re here tonight, for like the hundred-dozenth time. And…” She stared at Penny for a second, taking in a deep breath. She let it out slowly, then reached into her shirt pocket and pulled out the pouch. Penny’s eyes followed as Ruby loosened the drawstring, flipped the pouch over, and let a ring roll from the bag and into her hand. It was a shiny bronze color, with red and green gems embedded in a zigzag configuration all around the circumference. Ruby pocketed the pouch and held the ring between her thumb and index finger. She looked up at Penny and saw her eyes were wide, as if she were slowly beginning to understand. 
“Ruby…?”
“And now I’m asking you to marry me,” Ruby said, chuckling with a grin. “Can you believe that?”
“Ruby…” Penny covered her mouth with her hand.
Ruby got down on one knee, holding the ring up to her. Her nerves were gone, replaced only with a blooming joy in her chest. She will never forget the look on Penny’s face at this very moment. “Penny, will you marry me?”
Penny proceeded to tackle hug her to the ground. Ruby grunted and laughed as her back hit the grass. “Yes!” Penny lied on top of Ruby and smiled down at her. “Yes, I will marry you, Ruby!” She kissed her, and Ruby hummed softly and wrapped her arms around Penny’s neck, deepening the kiss. Her nerves were a distant memory now. Now she felt like she was floating just like the fireflies around them, with the love of her life in her arms.
After their kiss, they both found their way back to their feet. Ruby was glad to have held tight to the ring both during and after getting tackled, and she smiled at Penny as she took her hand. “Well then,” she slipped the ring onto her, a perfect fit. “Just call me fiancée.”
Penny grinned and hugged her again, not tackling her but still squeezing tight. “I love you.”
Ruby hugged her back, happily sinking deeper into the embrace. “I love you too,” she whispered. 
After reveling in this embrace for a while longer, Ruby opened her eyes and looked up, seeing the Beacon tower in the distance. In a lot of ways, this place had changed her life. She had fulfilled her dream of becoming a huntress and had made friends that she’d forever consider family. But at this very moment, she felt the most thankful for having met Penny. If coming to Beacon had changed her life, then meeting Penny was what made it brighter. She would never forget the years she spent here, but when it came to her and Penny, they had countless more memories to make in the future, together as real girls, as wives.
19 notes · View notes
vintagedolan · 3 years
Text
mixtape | track nine
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| masterlist | faceclaims | playlist |
Eden arrived in New York in the biggest coat she could find in a store in Los Angeles, which came equipped with a furry hood and enough stuffing in it to make her resemble the michelin man when she climbed into the car. 
She leaned back against the headrest of the seat with a sigh, an iced coffee in each hand. Her eyes closed for a minute, like she was trying to find her inner peace, and then she sat up and passed a cup to Indy in the driver’s seat.
“Vanilla, oatmilk right?”
“Always,” Indy laughed, taking a sip before putting it in the cupholder. “So uh, I love you and all, but are you finally gonna tell me why you changed your flight and made it so much earlier?”
“Drive to your place, and I’ll explain.”
Eden waited until she got out of the majority of the traffic.
“So, I had my original ticket and I was just gonna rent a car and show up, you know this, we planned it. But then I had the brilliant idea to come early and kidnap you,” she grinned, sipping her coffee.
“You’re kidnapping me?”
“Kinda. Well, reverse kidnapping I guess cause I’m forcing you to host me. You told the boys you were Christmas shopping like I said right? So you’re clear for a few hours?”
“Yeah.”
“Well good, cause we’re having a girls moment, because you need me.”
“I need you?” Indy laughed. She could never imagine possessing the confidence that Eden manifested every day, but she hoped one day she could have a fraction of it. 
“Yeah, because you’re surrounded by Dolan twins, not Dolan twins girlfriends. And I’m sure neither of them have shut the fuck up about everything going on, right?”
Indy sighed, which Eden took as a yes. The two had been talking more and more, but especially since the absolute blow up on social media. Eden had been the first one to text her that day with a simple message.
Been there, I know how much it sucks but it’ll pass. Call me later when you’re up for it
Indy hadn’t called. She didn’t want to be a burden, didn’t want Eden to think she was weak. Instead she’d gone onto Eden’s instagram, tried to see how she handled things, and from the first few scrolls on her feed it was blatantly obvious that she didn’t give a shit. Just a few weeks prior she’d posted a picture of her and Ethan in the mirror dressed up for a date, his hand fully grabbing her ass with the caption miss you bby. Indy scrolled the comments, blood boiling at some of the shit people said to her. She wondered if she’d ever get to the point where she could even stand to reopen her own instagram, much less post with reckless abandon. 
“We love men who think they know what it’s like to be a woman,” she teased, shaking her head as they continued down the road. “They’ve got such a protection complex, both of them, but Gray especially. Don’t get me wrong, I love it most of the time. Actually, it’s kinda hot. But holy shit does it get annoying when they underestimate you.”
Indy had experienced it first hand in the last week, and she couldn’t disagree. It was like she was on lockdown. Gone were the days of Grayson meeting her in the lobby of the building, or waiting for her outside of Jets. When he came to her apartment he was in sunglasses and a beanie, sometimes even a scarf pulled up over his mouth in an attempt to hide from any cameras he couldn’t see. He relaxed marginally when he got inside, but the only time he really seemed to catch his breath was when the sun set and they were tangled in each other’s arms, or when they were off the interstate on the back roads to Jersey. His shoulders would sink a bit, and his grip on her hand would relax when they took the exit. Something about the trees, still coated in snow, made him feel safer, made him feel like he could protect her somehow. 
It felt like a breath of fresh air to walk into her lobby with someone by her side. There were no cameras, but Eden wouldn’t have cared even if there was. She held her hand and walked in as if she’d done it a thousand times, though she had to wait for Indy to hit the right elevator button. 
When they got inside the apartment, Eden plopped herself down on the couch with a smile and patted the cushion beside her. 
“Alright, spill. Give me all the details, how’s it been going?”
Indy started to talk, and then she couldn’t stop. It spilled out of her like water, every single thing that had happened since her graduation date. Eden listened intently to each detail, from the way they’d changed their walking path to the hospital to the fact that he was looking into a new paint job for the truck to make it less recognizable. 
“And he’s just so paranoid, and I mean I guess I am too in a way, cause I like my privacy too. But it’s like he thinks I’ll die if a picture of me gets out or something, like damn, I’m a little sensitive sometimes but I’m not that fucking fragile.”
“You should have seen Ethan when the pregnancy rumors started for me. One big lunch at Monty’s later and all of a sudden I’m 3 months pregnant and I don’t know which twin’s it is,” she rolled her eyes and sipped her coffee through her straw with a smile.
“No fucking way.”
“I thought he was going to actually murder the dude from Hollywood Fix for that one. We burned through two Relax candles that week. Wild.”
“Jesus christ.”
“But hey, you already got the engagement rumor out of the way, so pregnancy is probably next. To be safe though, never even look in the window of a wedding dress store, and definitely don’t go to the baby section anywhere.”
Eden said it all so casually, as if making sure to avert your eyes from a wedding dress in a window was a totally normal thing to do. Indiana’s breathing picked up at her words, afraid that somehow she’d accidentally start a rumor about herself that would come back to bite Grayson.
“Isn’t that exhausting though? Being worried about that shit all the time?”
“You get used to it, and you adapt. Like the topaz ring for Lisa. That’s from Ethan and Grayson together, but they decided to send Gray in because if Ethan got spotted in a ring shop there would be an article about our secret wedding on DailyMail next week. Of course, that plan didn’t work out for Gray so well either, as we now know. Why the fuck he didn’t think about that is beyond me, but whatever,” she laughed. 
“No one was supposed to know about me,” Indy said, and her words didn’t resonate until they hung in the air. Was that what it was? The sudden shift in him being so damn worried about someone possibly seeing them together? It made her palms sweaty and she rubbed them on her pants before she spoke again.
“When did Ethan get over it?”
Eden scoffed. “He’s not over it. Still makes him want to lose his mind when someone says some shit about me. He broke a knuckle last year punching a wall cause a news outlet got pictures of me in a bikini while we were in Hawaii and said I’d gained weight.”
“That’s… absolutely fucked Eden, I’m fucking sorry.”
“I put it on my instagram story and laughed it off.” She shrugged her shoulders, as most women do when they have to accept unsolicited opinions from strangers. But something about the confidence she exuded when she said it made Indy believe that, somehow, she really had just brushed it off for the most part. 
“Is it hard to do that? Laugh it off?”
“Sometimes.” She sat up, getting more serious as she looked at Indiana. “But here’s the thing babes. Someone is sitting in an office somewhere, probably in their little house, with a bunch of clutter on their desk writing shitty articles about me. Meanwhile, I’m living in a nice ass house in LA with my hot ass boyfriend who bought me that bikini and took me to Hawaii. So who's actually winning?
“People talk shit about you when they wish they were you, that’s just how the world works. It’s shit, but once you accept that it changes your perspective on a lot of things. I mean honestly Indy, who gives a fuck what dolantea with 7 a’s the end has to say on instagram when you have Grayson fucking Dolan in your bed every night?” She raised her eyebrows, happy to see the smile she got out of Indy. “And if you ever tell him I said that I’ll put Nair in your shampoo.”
“My lips are sealed,” Indy teased, suddenly filled with a boost of confidence. “You have a very interesting perspective on the world Eden, I like it.”
“Coming from the college grad, I take that as a major compliment.”
“Believe me, there’s plenty of dumb people with college degrees. Doesn’t mean much at the end of the day.”
“But it gets you into a career that means something,” she mused. “I mean, being a doctor is a big deal, you’ll help a lot of people.”
Indy chewed on her lip. Every intrusive thought she’d had in the last few days that didn’t revolve around Twitter had to do with her imagining herself as a doctor, but it always faded into something else. It was her at a patient’s bedside, her helping them get to their feet, her sending them home with their family. Things that nurses did, not doctors. 
“Yeah. I hope so,” was all she could say. 
“That wasn’t very Indy of you.”
She quirked an eyebrow at Eden and waited for an explanation.
“You always keep a convo going, and you let that one drop, which means you probably don’t want to talk about it. But I’ll listen if you want to get it off your chest.”
“I don’t know… it’s just. The more I think about it, the more I realize that maybe being a doctor isn’t exactly what I thought it would be.”
“Oh. Well, then don’t be a doctor.”
It was Indy’s turn to scoff. “It’s not that simple Eden.”
“Isn’t it though?”
Indiana couldn’t come up with an answer. So instead, after the silence became too much, she deflected, making Eden walk her through the plans for the day.
A few hours later, once they’d gotten ready, they headed out to Jersey for the early birthday surprise, which Lisa was in on. She had ordered a massive vegan cake from one of the bakeries in New York that Indy picked up on the way, making Eden hold it for the majority of the ride. But when they got to the start of the driveway, she pulled over and had her counterpart climb into the trunk of the SUV, sticking a shiny blue gift bow on top of her head while she held one hand on the cake box to keep it steady.
Grayson appeared on the porch at the sound of the gravel crunching, cocking his head to the side when he noticed that Indy was backing in. He jogged up to the window when she put it in park, waiting for her to roll it down so he could lean in to kiss her. She hummed and smiled at him.
“Happy Birthday.”
“It’d be happier if you were out here,” he mused, leaning back to pull on the door handle, frowning when he realized it was still locked. 
“Go get Ethan for me, tell him I need help getting the cake out of the trunk.”
Grayson turned to do as she asked before he did a double-take at the very cake shaped box in the passenger seat.
“But…”
Indy repeated her sentence with a tight smile, but he still just frowned.
“Is that not the cake? Mom let it slip that she ordered one, I can just get it, cause Ethan is grumpy.”
“BITCH JUST GO GET HIM.”
Eden’s yell was so loud that Grayson jumped, putting a protective hand on Indy’s shoulder, though he didn’t know what he was protecting her from until he peeked into the car.
“Oh thank god,” he laughed at the sight of her, half hidden by the back row of seats. “He’s been moping for like three days!”
“Oh believe me, I know. Now go get him, I’m getting a fucking leg cramp back here.” 
Gray grinned, already feeling his brother’s happiness somehow as he bounded into the house, yelling incessantly until Ethan finally came trudging down the stairs, muttering profanities as he stepped out into the New Jersey cold.
“Bro, be nice, Indy worked really hard to make this birthday nice for both of us, even if Eden couldn’t be here. Just help me carry the cake,” Grayson said, doing his best to keep his voice steady.
Ethan took a deep breath and nodded.
“Dee, open the trunk babe!” Gray called, having to turn away to hide his grin. But he looked back quickly, not wanting to miss his brother’s face when the door lifted and revealed his girlfriend, sitting adorably with a bow on her head. 
Ethan just stared for a moment, mouth hanging open so wide that it made Indy laugh as she watched in the rear view mirror.
“You little shit!” He finally said, closing the distance and pulling her into his arms and out of the car, spinning her around for a moment before peppering kisses all over her face. It was like he couldn’t let go. Every time he went to pull back he caught sight of her face again and pulled her back against him until they were both shivering out in the cold, wind whipping at their exposed hands and ankles.
Grayson helped Indy out of the car, warming her lips with a welcoming kiss before they moved to unpack the car, letting the lovebirds have their moment. Lisa greeted her as soon as she made it in the door and sat the gifts down, her hair smelling like she’d just put on hairspray. Eden and Ethan trailed in moments later hand in hand, with Ethan yelling about how Li had been in on it the whole time.
In terms of birthdays, it was a chilled out evening. The twins birthday used to be a huge event, full of laughter and excitement. Now, there was a blanket over the scene, a silent understanding that one person was missing from the table - one who should have been a year older just a few days prior. But they made the most of their time together, eating the cake first gathered around the table before moving into the living room and starting on presents. 
Grayson kept a hand on Indy’s knee unless he was unwrapping, looking over at her with a warm smile any time that he could. Lisa’s gifts were first - new sweaters, Ethan’s red and Grayson’s green, a bottle of shampoo each, specific to their hair texture. They gave each other such an incredulous look that Eden and Indy couldn’t help but laugh, only growing louder when Lisa leaned over to smack their heads lightly. They got individual gifts too - a new helmet for Ethan for his longboarding trips and a nice drill that Grayson had asked for. They both stood up to kiss her cheek in thanks before they settled back down to open gifts.
Indy was let in on the tradition that Ethan always opened first because he was older, and she was more than happy to lean on Grayson and watch his brother open his gifts. He started with Eden’s, eyebrows shooting up when he pulled out an odd arrangement of things. A bottle of sparkling cider, sunscreen and a pair of swim trunks that were adorned with a pattern made of a picture of Gizmo. He checked the bag for anything else before looking back at Eden and waiting.
“Read the bottle.”
He held it up to his face, reading aloud. “Passionfruit Cider. Made and bottled on Maui. Oh shit. Oh SHIT! Are we going back to Maui?”
“We’re going in March cause that’s the only time when I could put two weeks together where we both don’t have work.”
Indy sunk down even further despite already being on the floor while they celebrated. She looked at the tiny box she’d brought for him, wanting to reach out and hide it behind her back.  
She didn’t get the chance to, because Ethan had already grabbed it, reading the tag. 
“Indiana you didn’t need to get me anything,” he said, and his sincerity made her feel a fraction better.
“Well, it’s no trip to Hawaii, so don’t get too excited. And your mom helped.”
He unwrapped the box carefully, opening the lid and staring down for a moment. 
“It’s a key,” he murmured, reaching in and pulling out the necklace, a silver key which sat on a matching chain horizontally.
“It’s a copy of the key to your house here, but as a necklace. I know you really miss home while you’re gone, and you wear necklaces sometimes, so I thought I could make you a little reminder.”
“You made this?” He looked up at you with wide eyes.
“Yeah! It’s not much, I’m sorry.”
“No, no, it's perfect Inds. Seriously, I love it, thank you so much.” 
Indy blushed anyways, not really believing his words but trying to accept them as he leaned over to hug her, grateful for the change of subject when it was announced that it was Grayson’s turn. 
He started with Eden’s, smiling wide at the tool belt that he pulled out, yelling when he realized it was customized with his name on the side.
“You can use that to build that side table you keep telling me you’re gonna make me,” Eden teased, which devolved into a moment of playful bickering. Indy used the time to line up the boxes in the right order, biting her lip when she handed him the first one.
“That’s way too many gifts,” Grayson said, frowning at her a bit.
“It’s really just one, it’s like a - well they go together - just, just open it.”
He did as she asked, pulling the paper off and unboxing the first one.
“A fucking nutcracker! Fuck yes!” He yelled, starting to look at it a bit closer. “Wait. WAIT. Is this Cudi?” 
“What!?” Ethan piped up before Indy could even answer.
“Bro it looks like Man On The Moon End of The Day cover, look at the fucking colors, and the moon.” He pointed to specific parts on the body of the doll, showing his brother who leaned over his shoulder.
“Open the next one,” Indy laughed, passing him the box.
He was quicker with that one, yelling so loud that Gizmo started to yell in the kitchen as he recognized the album art from Man On The Moon II, all tans, blacks and stars. 
“Holy fucking shit these are so fucking cool! Give me the next one, holy fuck.”
Indy passed them along, laughing when each reaction was just as dramatic as the first. The Indicudi was Indy’s favorite, with the mixture of reds and oranges. The collection started to take shape as he sat them out next to one another, adding the simplistic Satellite Flight nutcracker next, followed by the neutrals of Speedin’ Bullet 2 Heaven. Passion Pain and Demon Slayin’ matched well with the bright colors of Man On The Moon III, and Grayson was so excited by the end of the six that he had to stand up and run a lap before he came back and pulled Indy to her feet. 
“You like them?”
“You got me Cudi’s discography in fucking nutcracker form. I fucking love it, and I fucking love you.” He kissed her like no one was in the room, her heartbeat so loud in her ears that she didn’t even hear Lisa’s ‘awe’ from behind them.  
“I love you too,” she murmured against him, letting him hold her for a minute before he dropped back down to his knees to look at the collection, dissecting every detail like a six year old with a brand new toy. 
Ethan was just as enthralled, and she wished she could be as chilled out as Eden seemed as she sat and watched them. But instead, she was running numbers in her head, trying to calculate how much a trip to Maui for two would cost with airfare and lodging put together. 
She’d thought she’d gone overboard with the $300 collection of nutcrackers. For her, it was anyways - she’d timed her showers for two weeks and left them lukewarm in an attempt to save some money on her utility bill to justify it. Her mind spun for a moment as she thought about the little stack of Christmas presents hidden under her bed. A sweater for Lisa, a roll of film for Charlie to go with the new camera Dev was buying her. Fuzzy socks and a candle each for Eden and Cam that she’d found on a good sale. The thought of them sitting next to big extravagant gifts she was sure would arrive on the 25th made her deflate, so much that Grayson sensed it enough to pull himself away from his new toys.
“Hey, where’d you go?”
“I’m here,” she said, giving him a smile that didn’t make it to her eyes. The last thing she wanted to do was have him worried about her on a day that was supposed to be about him. He returned one in hopes it would lighten her mood, but he knew not to push it. In fact, he didn’t bring it up until they were back at Indy’s apartment, in their pajamas after eating extra cake that Lisa had sent home with them. 
“Did you have a good birthday?” Indy asked, tracing H-A-P-P-Y-B-D-A-Y on his chest.
“I did. Did you have a good day?”
“Yeah! Yeah, it was good. But today was for you, it doesn’t really matter what kind of day I had.”
“It always matters what kind of day you had,” he countered. “You seemed kinda upset when we were giving presents.” 
“Oh, yeah, it was no big deal. I just didn’t feel like I got you guys enough stuff. 21 is a big birthday.”
He leaned back enough so he could see her face, frowning down at her. 
“First off, it’s only a big birthday because you can drink, which doesn’t matter to me. Second, you gave us both more than enough, I have no idea why you think that.”
“Eden got Ethan a trip to fucking Maui.”
“And?”
“I got him a key. On a chain.” 
“Which is probably the most thoughtful gift he’s gotten in a really long time.” 
“It cost $20.”
“Doesn’t matter.”
“That’s easy for you to say, you can buy people whatever you want.”
“We’re just in different life stages,” he said. “You’ll be making bank once you’re out of school, you just have to get to that point. And even then, it doesn’t matter what you buy people for gifts. They only care that you’re there with them.”
Indy resisted the urge to repeat her words back to him again. She didn’t really expect him to understand where she was coming from.
“Yeah, I hope so.” She ran her hands down over his ribs under the covers, smiling when she felt him sigh under her. “By the time I pay off my loans Ethan and Eden will probably have three kids, you’ll have to spot us for all the baby shower presents.”
It was Grayson’s turn to fall quiet. He could see it - see Indy in a little pink sundress out in their LA backyard, celebrating a new baby on the way, talking with Eden and Lisa, helping Adele organize tables. And he wanted it. But he held her in his arms and thought about all that would come for her before that time came, and his heart tightened in his chest when he realized that he wouldn’t be there to see it.
“Tell me about school.”
She sat up a bit, running her hands through his hair.
“That’s what you wanna do with the last hour of your birthday? Hear about school?” 
“Yeah. Just wanna hear you talking to me,” he said, ignoring the tightness in his throat. 
She did as he asked, talked about the classes she had left and what order she’d have to take them in, the application process, the in’s and out’s of medical school as he tried to memorize every inflection of her voice, her laugh, and the feeling of her pressed up against him. 
When they woke up, it seemed that the holiday season had fully taken hold overnight. Suddenly, the days were flying by in blurs of Christmas lights and shopping. The pair were together 24/7, attached at the hip every moment that they could get away with. When Grayson was recording the podcast, Indy was just out of sight on the floor listening. While Indy was clearing out her laptop from the semester, Grayson was sitting behind her on the bed braiding her hair. Before they knew it they were trying to fit Bekah’s presents, and the cookies they made for the nurses into an already packed backseat of the truck on Christmas Eve.
A blanket of snow still rested in the city, muffling the city sounds it seemed as they drove. They were bundled up enough that Grayson wasn’t worried about them being recognized in the short walk to the hospital, and they shed their layers once they were inside the warm walls. They took the elevator, not minding the slow climb up to Bekah’s floor. But when they got to the desk to sign in, the nurses looked weary. Indy chucked it up to having to work the holiday and hoped that the cookies would lift their spirits when she left them on the counter. 
Bekah’s room had a small tree in the corner, covered in colorful lights and generic silver and red ornaments that were identical to those in every other room of the hospital. Bekah hardly reacted when she saw the duo enter in, though she tried. She sat up as much as she could but ended up back flat on her bed. 
“Hey Beks, hold on, let me help.” Indy rushed over to her side, fumbling for the buttons to raise the back of her bed up so she could sit up and see the room. Grayson held up her stack of presents with his biggest smile, the one Indy loved where he would clench his teeth. Bekah lit up, grinning wide at the two of them. Her skin was pale, and they could tell that she’d lost weight, but her smile was just the same. 
“Earrings, you double as Santa on the weekends or something? They already give the sick kids pity presents, you didn’t have to go so hard.” 
“These are from Indy actually,” Grayson said. Indy bit her tongue. She’d picked them out, but Grayson had footed the bill.
“They’re from both of us,” she corrected. “You feel good enough to open them now?”
“Yeah, yeah I’m good.” 
And she was good. But she wasn’t great. Just unwrapping the boxes seemed to zap out the small energy store she had left. Indy wished she’d had the foresight to package them in bags instead of boxes, make it a bit easier for her to open. But the excitement was enough for her to make it through opening the new Christmas blanket, which was covered in cats and dogs in festive sweaters, a Harry Styles crewneck and new fuzzy socks. The last box was an Among Us shirt, with a little purple crewmate peeking out of the pocket - Bekah was notorious for how many hours she spent playing (Gray and Indy would sometimes hop on and play a few games with her when they weren’t there). 
“You guys are the best,” she said, letting the pile of presents rest on her bed. She yawned, so hard she leaned back and her beanie slipped off her smooth head. Grayson watched as she reached for it and winced, and suddenly he was watching his dad there in the bed, trying to get to his phone on the bedside table, wincing in pain. His breath caught in his chest and he blinked hard, trying to come back to reality.
And then Bekah closed her eyes, and laid perfectly still. It was quiet in the room for a moment, and a wave of nausea rose in Grayson, so strong that he raised his hand up to his mouth.
“Beks?” He choked out.
“She’s okay, she’s okay.” Indy rushed to reassurances. “Look, look at her monitor.”
The blips on the heart monitor line meant much more to Indy than they did to Grayson, but he recognized them enough to catch his breath.
“Sometimes, when someone is exhausted like that, they lapse in consciousness for a little while. It’s a defense mechanism, she’s okay.”
“For a second I thought - fuck,” he huffed, running his hand over his face. Indy moved beside him, taking his hand in hers and kissing his knuckles one by one.
“What the fuck.”
They both turned to the bed, where Bekah’s eyes were open again. But they were unfamiliar somehow, none of that usual Bekah charm that warmed the dark pools of brown in sight. 
“Bekah-” Indy tried, but she was cut off.
“You two are dating? Seriously? What is this, community service date night?”
“Beks-” Grayson spoke up.
“I never ask for much, but fuck you two. Fuck you.”
“Bekah, hey.” Indy took a step towards her bed, and Bekah recoiled.
“I try. I try really fucking hard not to think about how fucked up and shitty my life is. I’m 15, and I’m dying. I’m never gonna go back to school. No prom, no graduation, no wedding. Not even a fucking boyfriend before I die and everyone forgets me. The least you could do is not rub it in my fucking face.” 
“Bekah, you can’t think like that. You’re gonna get better, you’re gonna get all those things,” Grayson said, blinking through the tears that had formed without warning in his eyes. They fell down his cheeks in uneven droplets, hot and unfamiliar. 
“Yeah? Just like Emma was gonna get better right? Well, her funeral was last week. She’s never going to play hide and seek again, much less anything else. What about Damion from my last radiation rotation hmm? God was gonna come down and heal him too right? Then why is he dead, huh? Where’s God in all this? Where’s my fucking happy ending? I’m gonna get the inside of a box, that’s what I’m gonna get, and no one will fucking admit it because I’m a kid, and I’m supposed to be here longer than this! I’m supposed to have more time! I’m supposed to get to do stupid shit in college, and grow up, and find my person but no. I’m never going to get those things, so fuck you both for throwing it in my face.”
“Bekah-” Indy’s voice broke on the word.
“Get out. Both of you, out.”
“Bekah please.”
“OUT!”
Her yell was loud enough to alert a passing nurse in the hallway, and she stepped inside.
“You two need to step out of the room please.”
The sobs didn’t take hold until they were in the hallway. They ripped out of Indy without warning or grace, and Grayson did all he could to hold her pieces together as she started to shatter. 
“Shhh, Dee, hey, it’s okay, let’s go outside,” Grayson tried to comfort her through his own tears, leading her towards the doors.
A hand caught his shoulder and he turned his head to see Jessica in her scrubs, coming out of another patient’s room.
“What did she say?”
Indy perked up from where her face had been buried. 
“What did Bekah say?” She asked again
“She’s agitated, talking about how her life is being cut short, how she’s dying. She told us to leave.”
Jessica sighed, looking down at her shoes. 
“We’re on our last resort. A final round of chemo and radiation. If this doesn’t work, we’re out of options. And it’s going to be brutal, it’s spread to her brain. You’ll have to be patient with her, she’s probably going to go through some personality shifts. She’ll be more emotional, more irritable. Sometimes she might be disoriented. This type of cancer, when it’s in the brain, it’s unpredictable. One minute she could be fine, the next she could be completely unrecognizable. Give her a few days, wait until after the holidays when everything is back to routine, and give it another try okay? Hopefully it’s better when things are a bit more normal.”
“Yeah,” Indy sniffled. Jessica put a hand on her shoulder.
“Indiana her face lights up when you two walk in that room. She talks about you guys non stop when you aren’t here. She’ll come around from whatever it was, okay? Just give her some time. We’ll be here to take care of her, don’t you worry.”
Indy wasn’t sure why, but she pulled Jessica into a hug. The woman was surprised, but she reciprocated anyways with a squeeze. 
“Sweet girl. It’ll be okay,” she murmured, which only made the tears flow even more when she let go. 
Indiana transferred from one set of arms to the other, back into Grayson’s strong grip which only loosened when he pressed the button for the doors. When they made it to the ocean hallway, it all hit at once, and her legs gave out. She caught herself on the support bars as Grayson lowered her to the ground. They came in waves that she couldn’t control, not for want of trying. 
“I’m s-s-sorry,” she stuttered, trying to force air into her lungs. Someone down the hall pulled a door closed quietly. 
“It’s okay, hey, it’s okay. Breathe baby, just breathe,” Grayson murmured, running his thumbs under her eyes to try and wipe her mascara, which was running down her red cheeks in dark streaks. He waited until she was able to take a few solid breaths before he spoke again. 
“C’mon, let’s go to Jersey. I’ll take you to Jersey.” 
She put most of her weight on him while they took the stairs out into the cold streets. It had begun to snow again, and the cold only added to the stinging in her eyes as he led her to the truck. She wondered in that moment how many times he’d had to hold her together, and her stomach twisted in guilt for a moment at the thought. Even still, she huddled into Grayson until he opened her door for her, immediately moving over as close to him as she could, pushing the middle console up to make it a bench seat and scooting to the middle when he climbed in.
His Dad had once told him it was important to be a confident one handed driver - you never knew what you’d have to hold in your passenger seat, he’d said. At the time, he was referring to the four large pizzas that ended up leaving a permanent grease mark in his jeep seat. But Grayson was thankful for the advice as he maneuvered the car out of the spot and out of the parking garage with an arm still around his girl.
The roads were quiet, and he questioned it until he remembered that it was in fact Christmas Eve. He slowed down when they got to the Jersey neighborhoods, looked at all the lights, all the families he could see in the windows, huddled around their bright trees. He could remember those nights like they were yesterday, him and Ethan sneaking to the top of the stairs to try to catch a glimpse at the big man with the red sack. When they were five they’d seen him and ran to wake their sister. They’d all watched in amazement as he placed presents under the tree and ate the cookies they’d left.
He’d found the santa suit in a box in his dad’s closet when they went through his things after his funeral. 
“Does your family have any Christmas traditions?” He asked quietly, running his arm quickly over Indiana’s arm in a bid to keep her warm as he drove. The cool wind that was whipping the snow around seemed to be outrunning the heater in the truck. 
“We did. We would watch Elf the night before, cause it was mom’s favorite. We did the cookies, the stockings, all that stuff too. But we always had grilled cheese and soup for dinner too.”
“Grilled cheese and soup?”
“Yeah. That was mom’s idea too. She always said we could leave extra room for a good Christmas morning breakfast if we ate grilled cheese and soup. So we always ended up in the living room with our plates and bowls and Christmas PJs watching elf. Turns out, warm soup was always her trick to get us to go to sleep early. Made me and Charlie tired I guess. She told me it worked like a charm every time. What do the Dolan’s do?”
“Ours is more Christmas morning. We do the whole giant breakfast thing. We open stockings first, and Santa presents, then we do breakfast and then we do the rest of the presents. Used to drive us crazy when we were little, cause all the presents would just be waiting for us. But Mom said it was so we were grateful for our food too, cause it was a gift that we had it on our table at all.” 
“Li is a good mom,” Indy sighed, resting her cheek on his shoulder. Her eyes were tired, the kind where your eyelids feel like they weigh ten pounds a piece, but she fought with them and won, still awake when they made it to the house. She hopped out and moved to the backseat, but Grayson caught her.
“I’ll carry the stuff in. Go get cleaned up, take a hot shower and relax. Mom will be worried, she always knows when someone has been crying, it’s like a sixth fucking sense.” 
For once, Indy didn’t argue. Instead, she went in the house as quietly as she could, grateful that even Gizmo didn’t seem to note her arrival. She snuck up the stairs to Grayson’s closet, grabbing an old thick flannel and a sports bra that she’d left, plus some sweatpants, considering she’d left her bag in the truck.
She had never been so thankful for a shower. She lost track of how long she let the warm water wash over her head, closing her eyes and focusing on the feeling of the stream against her skin. It was peaceful, but surreal in a way. She thought about where she’d imagined herself on Christmas Eve night at the beginning of the year, and it looked so vastly different than where she was, on the cold tiles of a New Jersey shower with her boyfriend carrying in gifts downstairs. The thought of him waiting for her gave her enough motivation to get cleaned up, though she had to resort to using Grayson’s shampoo and bodywash, which was an unlabeled Wakeheart sample he’d been testing out it seemed. It smelled fresh, with a vanilla mixture that was reminiscent of Jet’s.
Indiana was in higher spirits when she sauntered down the stairs, and her heart swelled a few sizes when she heard a familiar song in the background - the title screen of Elf, waiting on the TV in the living room. She checked rooms until she found Grayson, standing in front of the stove with two pots and a skillet going. She didn’t have to ask. Instead, she walked up behind him and wrapped her arms around him. 
He spun around, spatula in hand until they were chest to chest as he watched the stove over her head, holding her close to make sure she didn’t get burnt. He nuzzled into her wet hair, and then sniffed harder.
“You smell like me,” he noted.
“Had to use your stuff. I like that body wash though, which one is that?”
“Can’t remember. Let me see.” He reached around and caught her arm, smelling her skin.
“Ah. That’s Polis.” 
She looked up at him. 
“Polis? Like… Poland?”
He chuckled against her, flipping over a grilled cheese.
“Polis as in the end of Indianapolis. A smell that makes you seem put together and professional with a sweet note at the end. Vanilla. Like your lattes.”
As he often seemed to, he rendered her speechless enough that all she could do was press a kiss to his chest and wrap her arms around him, under his sweatshirt to trace on his back.
L-O-V-E-Y-O-U
He kissed the top of her head and stirred the soup. 
Ten minutes later and they were cozied up on a makeshift palette on the floor under a few blankets, with soup and sandwiches in hand. Grayson had made himself three vegan grilled cheese and tomato soup, and caved and given Indy the last can of chicken noodle in the cabinet because he knew it was her favorite even if it wasn’t vegan, though her grilled cheese was vegan as well. They watched Elf play, laughing and noting all the familiar NY scenery. Indy swore the man in the red jumpsuit had come into Jet’s before. They sipped their soup out of the bowl, and Indy listened to Grayson talk about the cinematography, trying to follow all that he was saying. 
Once the bowls and plates were sat aside, they found themselves wrapped in each other’s arms, and Nicole’s old trick seemed to work, considering Indy was asleep before the end credits. Grayson carried her upstairs and put her to bed before going back down to clean up.
Though he tried to get into bed without waking her up again, he didn’t quite manage it, his weight moving the mattress just enough for her to stir and open her eyes. 
“Sorry baby, it’s just me. You fell asleep.”
“Hmmm. C’mere,” she murmured, opening up her arms. He laughed, knowing that if he laid on her the way she was asking that he’d press all the air out of her lungs. Instead, he pulled her on top of him and slotted their legs together, revealing in the feeling of their skin pressed together. She was warm for once since she’d been under the covers, and he hoped his fingers weren’t cold as he began to trace patterns against her back. 
“I love you,” she hummed, tracing a swirl over his ribs lazily.
“I love you too.”
“Forever.”
“Hmm?” He asked.
“I’m going to love you forever. I can feel it. I’m yours forever Grayson Dolan, and don’t you forget it.”
He pressed a kiss to her head and felt her finger against his ribs. F-O-R-E-V-E-R.
“I’ll love you forever too Indy. Forever.”
The tears returned.
------------------------------------------
Grayson was the first up the next morning, after a restless night of sleep - or so he thought. Lisa was in the kitchen, watching the snow continue to fall outside. It coated the trees outside and muffled the woods in a blanket of white. Lisa turned to greet her son, and frowned. 
“Have you been crying?”
He hadn’t shed a tear since the night before, but he should have known she would know. A mother always does.
“Just some stuff with Bekah. She’s not doing well, and I feel bad cause I won’t see her again until next time we come visit after we leave.”
“You can always call, and she’ll have Indy. She’ll be okay love.” She stood and ruffled his hair as she passed, headed to pour him a cup of coffee.
“It’s not as good as Indy’s, but it’ll do,” she smiled, rubbing her hand over his shoulder. They sipped in silence for a moment as the world woke up.
“Do you remember the year Dad dressed up for Christmas? When we were five?”
“Oh yeah. That was your Poppy John’s idea, he did it for Sean when he was little. Said it made him believe in Santa for a few more years. Your dad wanted to keep you guys kids as long as he could, and he knew Cameron was going to figure it out sooner than later. He also knew you two would be spying. You tried it when you were four, but you both fell asleep on the stairs before you could see any action. He told you Santa must have carried you to bed when you woke up that morning.” 
“Holy shit, I remember that.” He paused for a moment, reflecting. “You all always went all out for us on the holidays, I never really thought about it. Thanks.”
Lisa smiled the warm smile that only mom’s could really give, and patted his hand on the table. “I just hope you’ll do the same for your kids one day. I know you will.” She paused for a moment, and then she smiled. “You remember what he told us, on that last Christmas? About what he was gonna do?”
Grayson could hear his father’s voice in his head for a moment, and it made his throat tight.
“Yeah. Said he’d give us white Christmases for the rest of our lives if he could.”
Lisa lifted her mug towards the windows.
“Merry Christmas Sean.” Her words hung in the air, and Grayson swallowed the lump in his throat, watching the snow fall. 
Eventually he went back to bed to coax Indy awake about an hour later, smiling at her bedhead when she rolled over.
“Merry Christmas Dee,” he said, leaning over to kiss her cheek. Her eyes widened a bit quicker than normal.
“It’s Christmas!”
“Yep,” Grayson laughed, brushing her hair out of her face. She caught his hand and pulled him down over top of her, the covers wedged between them as she kissed him.
“Merry Christmas,” she said against his lips, and he melted into her. He couldn’t think of how many Christmas morning’s he’d woke up wishing to have someone there with him. It brought a new kind of excitement that quieted his mind for the time being, and he happily scooped her up and sat her on her feet so they could go wake up the other duo of the house. 
By the time they convinced E squared to arise - which took jumping on the bed, a promise of lattes and the threat of cold water - Lisa was already halfway done with breakfast.
Grayson hadn’t exaggerated - there was a huge assortment of fruit, pastries and coffee to get everyone started. 
“Stockings first! Well, coffee, then stockings!” Lisa clapped her hands and passed out mugs. Indy channeled her Jet’s days to make the lattes quickly, funneling in behind everyone as they headed to the fireplace to grab their stockings.
She melted when she noticed the I. 
“Lisa, you didn’t need to do that.”
“Oh hush. Okay red E is Ethan, white E is Eden…” she trailed off as she passed them out, slightly confused when she watched Ethan reach underneath the tree to pull out a stocking for his mom that the boys had filled. 
Indy was let in on the stocking tradition when she opened it. Everyone got essentials - a new toothbrush, socks, chapstick, lotion. She also threw in each person’s favorite candy and a giftcard to a local ice cream shop in town with vegan options. Lisa’s stocking was more extravagant, with some of her favorite high-end hair products, a certificate for a free massage, and lots of bath bombs that were Wakeheart testers. She hugged her boys necks when they all stood up, up on her tiptoes so she could reach. Everyone funneled into the kitchen after that, the boys in charge of the vegan meat options while Indy and Eden helped with the biscuits and cinnamon rolls. They ate around a full table, laughing and telling stories of Christmas. Eden won the most interesting story with one about her holiday with her extended family back in the Philippines, in which they’d spent Christmas using buckets to get water out of the house from a monsoon that had made landfall, a rarity for that late in the year. 
Time seemed to fast forward as they moved to open presents. The boys spoiled Lisa, as they always did. A new iPhone, expensive tennis shoes to help her back while she worked. New signs for the garden beds that Grayson built and Ethan painted, a canvas print of the picture Charlie had taken from Thanksgiving. They saved the topaz ring for last, knowing it would make her cry. Her tears were enough to get Ethan’s eyes prickling - forever the mama’s boy, who just hugged her while she let it out, Grayson joining in a few moments later. She opened her sweater from Indy, complimenting the color, and a new set of Airpods from Eden, seeing that she’d lost her first set. 
They moved on to Eden next. She also got a new phone from Ethan, which she smacked his arm for buying considering she knew how expensive they were, ignoring the fact that her phone barely held 20 minutes of battery anymore. Grayson got her a new sketchbook with a set of top line pencils and markers for her to sketch out her work designs, and Indy bought her a pair of Nike’s that she’d had her eyes on. Lisa got her a gift card to her favorite restaurant in LA - a non vegan one that she proposed could be used on a girls date when Lisa came to visit.
Indy was next. She had always hated opening gifts in front of people but she swallowed her un-comfort and proceeded through the boxes. Lisa bought her a nice blow dryer, remembering that she’d complained about hers once and raved about the one that she let Indy borrow. Eden bought her a new outfit - it was a bit out of Indy’s comfort zone, with the patterned pants and bright top, but she hoped she’d be able to pull it off. Both Eden and Gray assured her that she could. Ethan bought her a print of the state of Indiana, laughing at the way she tried to pretend that she loved it. 
“Read the back.” 
She flipped it over, squinting to try to read his messy handwriting that told her to check behind the tree. Sure enough, she found a box with a stethoscope in it. Top of the line, one of the more expensive brands.
“Every doctor needs one of those things, at least that’s what google told me. It’s got your initials on it too, cause apparently people try to steal them.” 
He dismissed her claims that it was too much, and instead urged her to open Graysons gifts. The first was a speaker, because ‘Cudi needs to be played loud and well’, followed by a bag full of clothes. She pulled the first piece out and gasped.
“You bought me scrubs?”
“Yeah. I know you were stressed out about them being expensive, and I knew you’d use them. I bought five sets, I hope that’s enough. And I asked the nurses at Frazier what the best brand was, but if you don’t like those I have the receipt.” 
“I’m sure they’re perfect. Thank you bub, I love them.”
She knew that Grayson had held back, and she was appreciative, especially as they got closer to his gifts. Luckily, Ethan was born first and therefore got first dibs. He got a custom longboard from Eden that she’d designed with all his favorite things, including a thermal painting of a very scandalous picture of her on the bottom that she’s covered with a piece of paper so Lisa didn’t see. Grayson got him an envelope with three tattoo appointments that he’d managed to get with their favorite artist in LA, who was usually booked up for months in advance. Lisa bought him a new jacket and boots, while Indy bought him a pair of headphones designed for the inside of a helmet, so he could listen to music while he skated. 
Grayson was the last to go. Eden got him new sweatshirts since he ‘wore the same ones all the time’, while Lisa bought him a sweater and jacket. Ethan bought him extra organizers for his closet and a minimalistic nutcracker, though he admitted it didn’t stand a chance of taking the spot of one of the Cudi nutcrackers, which stood tall on the mantle. Finally, he opened his bag from Indy, smiling when he pulled out a few things. The first was a journal, made of recycled paper and bound in a dark green cover with his name on the front in gold. The next was a Jet’s gift card, a small inside joke between the two of them. The final one was a picture frame. It was simple, black with flecks of gold along the edges. Within it, the first picture they’d ever taken together, in the mirror of Indy’s room where half his body was covered in her writing, labeled muscles. 
“Can’t lie, I spent most of my budget on your birthday. But I have a matching picture to put on my shelf, so I figured you might like it.”
“I love it,” he reassured her, kissing her cheek quickly, a sweet moment before the bustle of clean up began. The afternoon flew by with movies playing in the background and the snow continuing to fall outside. The boys cleaned off the cars, and after sunset, they appeared with a duffle bag each and a mischievous look on their faces.
“C’mon, we’ve got one more gift to show you guys.” 
Lisa waved goodbye from the front porch as both couples climbed into the truck, the girls in the back.
“Do you know what this is about?” Eden whispered.
“No idea.”
So they waited patiently until they finally put the pieces together - it only clicked when Ethan got out and opened the gate.
The trail looked different from the seat of the truck. Partially because it had been cleared out, but mainly because they weren’t on the back of a quad, with the wind whipping in their faces.
Hidden away in the snow covered clearing, the tiny homes were covered in snow. The lights inside were glowing a warm yellow, inviting them in from the cold. Grayson parked halfway between the two, coming around to get the duffle bag before turning around, a sign for Indy to climb on his back.
She didn’t argue, considering he had the advantage of snow boots over her, and climbed on, hugging onto him tight as he trudged through the snow to the front door. He kicked the snow off his boots on the small front porch and then opened the door, the draft of warm air already enticing. 
The inside was more beautiful than Indy could have imagined it would have been. She remembered trying to visualize it when Grayson had explained where everything would be - it felt like years ago, that warm fall day. But the kitchen was exactly as he had said it would be, minimalistic with dark wood that looked black in the dim light and white cabinets. The stairs were beautifully done, and Indy found herself climbing to the loft to find the queen size bed that awaited them, with the triangular window that looked out over the trees. 
“This is incredible,” she mused, looking down over the balcony at him. He beamed up at her, taking her in. Her skin glowed in the warm light, her hair washed yellow in a beautiful tone as it hung around her shoulders. He found himself kicking off his shoes and climbing the stairs to meet her, abandoning his plan of giving her a full tour in favor of exploring her instead. 
She followed his movement like water in an ancient stream, cut out and formed just for her to flow along, and they ended up on the bed with her back against the soft mattress.
“Are we christening the house?” Her words were muffled by his lips, which were eager and hungry against hers, a feeble attempt to drown out his thoughts. He kissed her incessantly instead of answering, pressing all her buttons to make her melt for him. The heater was small and nestled downstairs, goosebumps rising in the cold air as they lost layer after layer, chasing the heat of each other.
He held her as close to him as he possibly could, blocked out the cold and the doubt as he bit onto her shoulder and rocked her in sync with his hips, watched her head fall back and his name sing from her lips as she came undone over and over again until she was putty in his hands. He came so hard he saw stars, slowing down with her still in his arms.
She was in such a daze that it took her a moment to come to her senses and remember that she needed to go downstairs to pee and get cleaned up. As soon as she was out of his sight, the realization of what he’d just done came crashing down on Grayson. The guilt crushed his lungs as he finally admitted to himself that he knew he was hurting Indy. He knew she deserved to know where his mind was at, where it had been ever since Ethan had brought it up. He’d been selfish, and cruel, and as he sat there naked he’d never felt more ashamed in his life. He scrambled to get his clothes back on before Indy came back up. 
She was still blissful, her legs a bit wobbly as she tried to navigate the unfamiliar stairs. But she frowned when she saw his winter coat. 
“Those aren’t pajamas.”
Grayson jumped at the sound of her voice.
“Yeah, uh, Ethan texted me, he said their heater isn’t working, asked me to come look at it.” 
“Oh. That sucks, you want me to come help? I can hold a flashlight or something,” she offered.
“No, no it’s cold, you just stay here and relax, I’ll be back. Might take a while, but I’ll be back.”
“No promises that I won’t be asleep,” she teased, climbing under the covers. “This bed is better than mine I think.”
“Get some rest, I’ll be back soon.” 
“Okay. I’ll save a spot for you. Love you.”
“Love you too.”
He headed down the stairs, slipping his boots on as quickly as he could and choking back his sobs until he was out of the door. He trudged blindly across the yard, only guided by the lights from the windows, and he knocked on the door.
He couldn’t imagine what he looked like when Eden opened the door. But it was bad enough that she didn’t say a word. Instead, she simply turned and called for Ethan, who took one look at him and pulled on his coat, following him out into the snow towards the truck. 
Safe inside the cab and in the presence of his brother, Grayson fell to pieces. Ethan could only remember a handful of times that his brother had cried so hard, and he held him tight in his arms as best be could, shaking with him as the sobs ripped their way out of him. 
Ethan didn’t even attempt to talk, only to console as best he could until Grayson could finally breathe. He pulled the extra inhaler out of the glove box and made his brother take a few puffs when he started to wheeze, holding the canister up to his lips.
“Breathe Gray, c’mon, you’ve gotta breathe so you can talk to me. You gotta tell me what’s wrong so I can help. Hey, I’m right here, it’s me. You can tell me, it’s okay.” 
Grayson finally caught his breath enough to calm down, with his hands gripping onto Ethan’s jacket collar like his life depended on it.
“I’m gonna break her E. I’m gonna destroy her and it’s all my fault. I love her, fuck, I love her. What am I supposed to do?”
Ethan sucked in a long breath through his nose, looking over at Grayson’s house.
“You haven’t told her.” It wasn’t a question.
“I wanted to, I fucking can’t. Every time I think I can tell her I just think about what it’s gonna do to her. What it’s gonna do to me. I don’t know what the right thing is here E, you gotta tell me.”
“You know I can’t do that.” 
“Fuck that, you’re me, we’re each other, you know me better than I know me. Tell me what to do.” 
Ethan could barely see his brother’s face, but the little bit of light from the moon showed enough pain in his eyes to have Ethan’s stomach twisting. He put a hand on his brother’s shoulder and squeezed.
“You know what I’m gonna say.” 
Grayson’s breath hitched once, and then a new wave of sobs took over. He shook so hard that Ethan was convinced the entire cab was shaking with him. Ethan held him, willed himself to absorb some of the pain, as much as he could, anything to help. 
“If it’s the right thing why does it hurt this bad?”
“I don’t know Gray. I don’t know.” 
“I love her.”
“I know.”
“She loves me.”
“I know.”
“Then how is this the right thing?”
Ethan paused for a moment, holding steady on Grayson’s shoulders.
“What would dad say? If he was here with us, right now, what would he say?”
Grayson pressed into his eyes with the heel of his palms and sniffled.
“He’d say that it wasn’t fair. He’d be mad that I hadn’t told her yet, and he’d say that she’s a good person who shouldn’t have to give up on her dreams for mine. He’d tell me to do what’s best for her, I know that. God, FUCK!” He smacked the dashboard so hard that Ethan heard something crack. He wished there was a way that he could protect his brother in that moment more than anything. Usually, he could step up, take the heat, take the attention off him if he needed. It was one of the few times that he felt truly helpless.
“You don’t have to do it tonight. You still have a few days. Just think about what you want to say, and bring it up whenever you’re ready.”
“I’m never gonna be ready, Ethan. That’s the love of my life, and I’m just supposed to walk away? And what’s she gonna say, when she finds out I’ve been thinking about this for weeks, and I haven’t said shit, huh? She’s not gonna want anything to do with me. She’s not gonna love me anymore, Ethan, and I can’t live with that. I can’t.” His voice cracked, and Ethan’s heart cracked with it.
“If it’s meant to work out, it will somehow. We’ve always believed that.”
“How?” It was a plea more than a question.
“I don’t know Gray. I don’t know.” 
Grayson didn’t know how long they sat in silence. They didn’t need words, just the comfort of each other’s presence as he ran through line after line of what he was going to say. He had to do it then, there was no other option. He had to tell her as soon as he got back, or he was afraid that he never would. But every time he closed his eyes to think, his mind was flooded with her, a kaleidoscope of memories and moments that he couldn’t imagine not making more of. He thought of the way his soul ached every time she cried, and he couldn’t fathom how much worse it would be when he was the cause of it. 
He threw the door open without warning, stepping back out into the snow. It took Ethan a few steps to catch him, but when he did he pulled him into a hug, a real one, and pressed his face into his shoulder. 
“I love you bro. We’ll get through it. You’ll be okay.” 
Grayson always knew when his twin was lying, but he tried his best to believe it. The cold wind stung on his wet cheeks as he went back to the house, kicking off his boots. He took the stairs one at a time as slowly as he could, his panic growing with each one. 
When his foot cleared the final step, he saw her.
She was asleep, curled up under the covers in her New York sweatshirt, hands folded underneath her face. He just stared at her, tried to memorize every feature on her face.
He could have stood there for hours, but she stirred only a moment later. Her eyes peered open just enough for him to see the blue, and then they closed again, a small smile stretching across her lips.
“Come to bed baby. S’warm.” 
Every cell in his body screamed at him, tried to pull him back as he slid out of his coat, out of his flannel, stepped out of his pants. His brain called him every name in the book, told him he was pathetic, weak, manipulative.
But his heart beat just a bit slower at the thought of being in her arms, even if it was just for a moment, the familiar home he’d made for himself comforting enough to let him drown the rest out and climb under the covers and over to her, pulling her into his arms as he pressed his lips together and let his eyes fall closed.
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itsuki-minamy · 3 years
Text
“K SIDE: PURPLE 08”
Translation: Naru-kun Raws: Ridia
K - Side: Purple (Chapter List)
Looking at the customer who entered, Taka-san widened his eyes.
Isshin Hase, a man who settled in "Niibangai" about half a year ago. He was a big man with muscular bones, and if he had had the aptitude, he could have been hired by this "Massive Boys", but for now, he "established himself as a goalkeeper for all of Niibangai".
Hase looked confused while he was at the store entrance. It is not surprising. "Massive Boys" is a so-called "tourist bar" that anyone can walk into, but there are chaotic fluorescent neon signs, bondage fashion Greek sculptures, and bright posters of gay porn stars all over the store. At first glance, customers are often confused and some leave the store immediately.
"Sensei, come here."
When Taka-san beckoned, Hase looked relieved and walked over to the counter. When he put his giant body on a stool, he looked like one of the figures in the store.
Taka-san laughs a bit as he hands him a hand towel.
"Welcome. It's rare for Sensei to come to us."
"Um, well, that's right. I'm not good at these kinds of places."
Taka-san is in awe of the wording. Since Hase was in a hurry, he wondered why he had come if he wasn't good at it, or what if he said it in front of them.
"Oh, no, no! It's not about you, there's just no green tea in this place to drink. Sorry."
Taka-san involuntarily bursts out laughing. It seems true that he wasn't good at socializing, although he didn't have to panic.
"Well, that's correct. Sure, you can't drink?"
"Um, I can't."
"Ah, I'm not serious. I apologize, we have many other non-alcoholic drinks."
He glanced sideways and pointed at Chief Satoshi. He saw this person, so the instructions mean that others are welcome. Satoshi looked ahead and yelled, he came out of the counter to stop an employee who is getting involved with a customer.
Taka-san turns to Hase and says with a soft smile.
"So what are you going to do, Sensei?"
"That's right. I'll order a sake that I can drink."
"Yes."
Taka-san took the shaker. There was no doubt that Hase asked for that for his sake. There are days when he still wants to drink alcohol that he cannot drink. He has been doing this kind of business for a long time, so he knows it.
He adds syrup, sugar and lemon to some cocoa liquor and shake it. Transferring it to a glass, he poured in sparkling water and was slightly driven, Taka-san presented the glass in front of Hase.
"Yes, please. Cacao Fiz. It has less alcohol, so feel free to drink."
"Oh, thanks."
He raised the glass with a nervous hand, and took a sip. Hase's eyes widened.
"Uh, it tastes good."
"Thank you."
Taka-san smiled. Hase tipped his glass again and drank several times.
He wondered what happened.
For half a year after the gangster attacked, Hase has solved many problems in "Niibangai". There are many people, including Taka-san, who have been helped and protected by him. Still, his good-natured personality who never snorts his achievements, was welcomed favorably by the "Niibangai" neighbors.
Still, Taka-san doesn't know Hase's details. Also Mi-chan and Seiya. He is forbidden to snoop unnecessarily, which was implicitly a rule of thumb in "Niibangai", which has many wounds on its inhabitants.
So Taka-san didn't force him to answer, he just shook off the little talk.
"How about these days? What about Mishakuji-chan?"
Hase laughs on one cheek. A sip of cocoa and then a sip of words.
"His sword is..."
"Yes?"
"I was right. That boy has a good sword."
For a moment, Taka-san didn't understand what Hase was saying.
Hase's ability is brute force. He has taken down several thugs in the blink of an eye. He was not sure about the sword, but he could understand through common sense that he had been studying for many years and that his technique cannot be surpassed by one half.
That is to say…
"Why are you asking that all of a sudden?"
"I heard you promised Sayuri to try to avoid injury. Until now, you've been hitting with a move that doesn't care, but it seems like you've decided to change that."
"……"
"The word genius is lukewarm. Yukari is real, so is his ability."
Speaking to himself, Hase set the empty glass on the counter.
"Give me a refill."
"Yes."
While preparing a new cocktail, Taka-san implicitly observed Hase's expression.
Hase seemed to be laughing. Eyes closed and thoughtful, his lips formed a slight smile. But Taka-san didn't know what he thought was true. What do people feel when they are outmatched by humans for just half a year after many years of research? Only the person knows.
"He's a great kid. That's it."
Taka-san is even more cheerful as he pours a new cocktail into the glass.
"Yeah, he really does cause that feeling, right? Mishakuji-chan is amazing. He's been able to do anything for a long time, he's smart, he has a good face. It's weird that he's in a place like this."
Hase smiles bitterly as he looked at the glass that Taka-san gave him.
"A place like this, is a greeting. I wonder if this is where I live."
"Yes. "Niibangai" is certainly our place. But after all, it is a place like this."
Taka-san turned his gaze towards the shop, saying that selfishly. The burly men in XL evening gowns and prima donna suits hold their glasses cross-shouldered and the singing voice is out of tune.
"Drop something, run away from something. This is a mound of snow where these people gather. The more time we spend here, people like me, Mi-chan, Seiya, Sayuri, we have no place to stay other than here."
Hase's glass was empty. Taka-san unconsciously poured half sake.
"But Mishakuji-chan is different. Since he is a big boy, it is possible that he can fly to a wide world that we cannot imagine. I think he is a boy, who unlike us who cannot escape, can open up by himself One Way."
Taka-san says that, narrowing his eyes.
Mishakuji Yukari was certainly such an existence for the people of "Niibangai". Hope and possibility. Being able to fly to places where they can never go. That's why everyone who likes Yukari feels that he is not suitable for this place.
"Escape."
Suddenly, Hase's face was dyed bright red and the giant swayed. Taka-san rushes to replace the glass.
"My God, I wonder if I drank too much. Water, water."
"Hm..."
Hase looks at the water that Taka-san offered him. Hase flutters with some drunken eye flashes.
"I'm the same. I wonder if it was fate that brought me here."
"……"
Do not poke around uselessly. That is the "Niibangai" rule. They all have the same scars that they don't want to be explored.
However, you cannot live with your own pain forever. There are times when you still want to spit out the scars you don't want to find. In such a case, listen to the story silently. That's not "Niibangai's" rule, it was Taka-san's rule.
"Why did you come here, Sensei?"
When Taka-san poured the water, Hase leaned his elbows on the counter, closed his eyes, and began to speak slowly.
"I betrayed my friend and ran away from him."
++++++++++
The Miwa Meishinryu Dojo was located near Hase's birthplace.
He doesn't remember why he got a sword. He was not good at socializing due to his natural nature, and he believed that swinging a stick was easier than playing with friends at school. There were few outsiders who bothered to learn old-fashioned swordplay, and it was even rarer when they were younger, and there was only one disciple his own age.
That was Miwa Ichigen's school.
Miwa was the grandson of the owner of the dojo, a boy who was sought out to take over the Miwa Meishin style. For that reason, it seems that he was strictly taught not only the sword, but also all martial arts and etiquette. From the boy Hase's perspective, Miwa seemed to have little time to break free.
However, he didn't make sense of Miwa's character. He always had a spring breeze atmosphere that made his feel relaxed just by being next to him. It wasn't a bother for Hase, who wasn't good at socializing, to be around Miwa. Not only was he a friend of the sword of the same age, but Hase and Miwa believed that they fit together in terms of personality.
However, even Hase often couldn't understand Miwa.
For example, while he was practicing in the presence of a sword, there was a moment when he suddenly lost his head. Even if it's practice, if the hit is bad, it will hurt. Since he knew, he should have to put stress on his whole body, but Miwa just looked somewhere far away, and sometimes his heart wasn't even there.
And Hase couldn't attack Miwa. He should be full of spaces, but there was no possibility of attacking anywhere. He was caught up in the premonition that a ridiculous counterattack would ensue the moment he hit him, and he had no choice but to turn Miwa around. Meanwhile, both of them were severely scolded by the owner of the dojo.
"Hey. What the hell was that?"
After a day of practice, Hase scold Miwa.
Half intended to complain. Both of them were ordered to clean the entire dojo as punishment for clumsy practice. He couldn't help but wonder why he wasn't fed up with Miwa, but he couldn't think of beating Miwa if he acted immature in front of him.
As he squeezed the cloth he had just lifted from the bucket, Miwa asked mysteriously.
"What's that?"
"That's it. It's like you go somewhere from time to time, whatever you're practicing. It's hard to do and I can't get over you."
"Ah..."
Miwa was a bit shy.
"That's the word that comes to mind."
"Word?"
"Yeah. Words that usually come to mind that aren't cohesive probably come together at that moment, and then my head goes that way."
He has turned his lips into a sword. He knew from his long relationship that Miwa wasn't teasing him.
"I do not know why."
"Yes. I really don't get it."
"I can't understand what you don't understand."
Having said that, Hase smiled bitterly. The one who laughed was the loser. He placed both hands on the mop placed on the floor and cleaned as he took a step. Hase lecture Miwa that he was a little late.
"If those words come together, let me know."
Miwa also laughed a bit and replied.
"Yes. I'll tell you when the time comes."
In the future, Miwa will be the owner of the Miwa Meishin-style dojo. Become a friend of Miwa, he will have the level of a teacher, sometimes they would exchange swords, teach the sword technique to the neighborhood children and hear those "words" one day. Somehow, Hase envisioned that future.
So when he heard that Miwa was leaving the house, he wasn't surprised at all.
Hase and Ichigen Miwa's sword arms were almost the same, but their heads were different.
When he heard that Miwa would be enrolled in the highest school in the country, he thought reflexively, "This guy will do long before breakfast."
But he really didn't understand. Why wasn't he the successor to the dojo? What happened to the promise to hear the "words"? Does he throw the sword? Out of anger, Hase was asking that question in quick succession.
Miwa was a bit embarrassed, as he bent his neck.
"No. I'm sure I'll be waving my sword wherever I am."
Then, with a look soft like a spring breeze, he added:
"The 'words' are not organized yet. Once they are organized, I'll show them to you first."
"Really?"
Hase had no choice but to say so. There were no other words.
The difference between him and Miwa was clearly shown.
First of all, he was a different person than him, who was not good at socializing because he was careless and had no choice but to cling to this land while he brandished his sword. Miwa, she was smart and had many brilliant talents. He was a person who could advance to a larger world for a better future. It was just that Hase was so crazy that he thought he must be around him all the time.
"Do not feel alone."
The words that came out of his mouth surprised him. He should be pleased with the prosperity of his friend, but the first thing that comes up is his feeling. Masochistically, he thought that place would be different without him.
Still, Miwa smiled and replied.
"Me too. I will be a teacher who teaches from the heart."
Then, Miwa flew all over the world.
Shortly after Miwa disappeared, Hase became the teacher of the Miwa Meishin school.
It seems that the owner of the dojo still wanted Miwa to take over the dojo. The instructor would only be Miwa, and he claimed that he was in the middle of a "long absence". That was not important to Hase. He was not interested in the position or title as long as he could live wielding his sword, he thought it was the most suitable life for him.
Meanwhile, almost 10 years have passed.
One day, Miwa came by chance.
After graduating from high school, he heard that he got a job in an overseas securities company and that he is doing a great job. It would be a lie not to say that his friend was living a completely different life from his, and that he didn't feel alone, but when he thought "that's what it is", it was a story he could swallow. He thought that he had found something that could be the basis for him, just like he was living with a sword.
The face of his friend that he saw after a long time seemed to be dead.
Hase looked at his face seriously, and Miwa smiled like a spring breeze, as in the past.
"I'm sick. I left the company."
If asked, it seems that dark circles floated under his eyes and his body was thin. Hase could only imagine what a foreign securities company would look like, but it was probably a hostile environment that could damage the trained body with a sword. Hase ran into a friend, who fell ill and eventually returned from an unknown land.
"Miwa. Stay here forever. This is your home."
With a smile on his face, he shook his head gently.
"No. This is your dojo. I decided to retreat into the distance."
Hase opened his eyes. He didn't know what Miwa was thinking.
He said that he will soon go somewhere even though he had returned. Miwa took Hase's hand and said, wondering if such doubts had appeared on his face.
"It is said that good air is better for me. I can go calmly because you are in charge of this dojo."
"……"
"I lost the Miwa Meishin style."
When he told him that, Hase couldn't do anything else.
That night. Hase saw Miwa in the Kendo room.
Miwa dressed in a sash and calmly waved a wooden sword. It was probably because of the feeling that he was sick and did such a thing. It is a dojo where he spent his childhood and youth. Miwa who returned after a long time, thought it was inevitable that he would want to breathe the air of the dojo even if he made his sick.
"I understand your feelings, but don't overdo it."
He tried to yell that when he saw it.
Miwa, waved his sword as if dancing. As if running water flowed incessantly, his feet and the sword of judgment as well, they never stayed in one place.
Silently, gracefully, without the gap of habit, Miwa manipulated the wooden sword lightly.
It was hard to believe that this sick man was away from the sword for many years.
Indescribable discomfort hit Hase's chest. When he realized it, he was entering the kendo room. Hase didn't stop even if he looked back in surprise when he noticed that.
Miwa unexpectedly pointed at his throat.
"Miwa, fix things with me."
Hase, unknowingly holding a wooden sword that he hung on the wall in one hand, raised it unconsciously.
His bloodied eyes are wide open, his shoulders are tight, and his lips are tight. When he saw Hase, he had a sad expression on his face.
"Oh, I…"
"Don't say anything. I ask you to fix things with me."
Then Hase held his sword to his eyes.
Miwa was silent for a while. He had his face down, so Hase didn't know what kind of expression he had. With a wooden sword in his hands, he said in a hazy voice.
"I will not reduce the number of hits."
"Try this. I will never forgive you."
Miwa looked directly at Hase and held his sword in the top row.
That only made the skin all over his body crawl.
He didn't want to admit it. He couldn't forgive him. However, as a grave fact, he stood in front of Hase.
Miwa was stronger than him. Much stronger.
He couldn't admit it.
Hase was surprised that such pride lurked in him. Hase saw himself as a disinterested and cheerful person just by wielding his sword.
But that meant that if he turned it over, he only had one sword. He thought that he wouldn't lose, even if it was Miwa. No matter how beautiful he was, no matter how glamorous he was in the world, only the sword. He only believed in this way of life, yet somewhere in his being, he believed that he was inferior to Miwa.
He was crushed.
The moment he saw the sword dance, he knew that he was in a situation where he couldn't even compete with Miwa. He was sick. He believed that he had been working for a company for a long time.
Miwa was much more skilled than him, who has directly thrust the sword.
He couldn't forgive him.
Miwa, no. He cannot forgive himself. The chief was not skilled enough to trick him into pretending not to see him. All feelings and consideration turned to dust at that moment. Isshin Hase had to challenge Ichigen Miwa.
Miwa with the sword in the top row had a transparent expression. The expression was familiar. It's the expression he used to have when he practiced, when his heart was going somewhere.
The facial expression when the "words" arise
At that moment, he couldn't hit him. He had a feeling that he was going to receive a terrible counterattack and could only turn around.
But now…
If he didn't hit him now, he will regret it for the rest of his life.
"Oooooooooooooh!"
Driven by thoughts of him, Hase kicked the dojo floor. A reverse kasaya that appears to be licked from the bottom left. He fired the strongest blow of his life.
And…
++++++++++
"So what happened?"
Taka-san asked in a low voice, looking at Hase, who has fallen onto the counter.
"Fu…"
With his forehead pressed against the counter, Hase shook his shoulders and laughed.
"Of course I lost. No matter how many times I tried, I couldn't even touch it with the sword."
"……"
"The next morning, Miwa left. He left a letter."
There was a brief goodbye and a "word" in which the words were finally joined. No words of apology were written. Hase was saved by that.
"The next morning I left the dojo. I should have decided once that it was my place to live. I couldn't bear to be there anymore."
If he entered the dojo and swung his sword, he would remember that night. When he realized that, his life was worth nothing.
"I ran away. I left the dojo that night. For the very fact that I couldn't get over Miwa. I left the dojo that Miwa had entrusted to me and the disciples who trusted me, I fled, kept running, and then I came here."
Hase laughed deep in his throat, lifting his flushed face and squeezing it.
"I tried to assume that Miwa was special. He was a monster given two or three times by the sky. Then Yukari appeared."
With a laugh, Hase covered his eyes with his big palm.
"When I saw his movement today, I remembered Miwa that night. I moved like I danced and didn't stop. It's funny, right? After running away from a monster, I ended up meeting another monster. Kukuku…"
Hase kept laughing deep in his throat. Maybe he wasn't laughing. Thinking like this, Taka-san gently walked away.
"In the end, I can't. I couldn't beat him or forgive myself for losing. I saw Yukari today and I remembered him. I'm a useless person."
Taka-san thinks that there are two types of people who despise themselves.
Someone who wants you to deny it, and some who really believe it.
Hase now is probably the last. There was an opponent who lived with a sword and still couldn't beat him. He doesn't think he can understand all the regrets, despair and helplessness at that time. Suffering can only be understood by the person who tasted it.
However, there was still a problem with Hase.
"Miwa, right? I have never met him, but I am grateful to that person."
When Taka-san said, Hase looked up mysteriously.
"Because without that person, I could have been dead."
Hase looks at Taka-san with drunken eyes. Taka smiled, poured water into the glass, and presented it to Hase.
"Isn't that true? If you had overcome that feeling before that person, you wouldn't be here right now. Then I could have been stabbed by that yakuza and would die."
"……"
"It's not just me. It's the same for Mishakuji-chan. He could have been seriously injured protecting me, and that boy could have died if you hadn't intervened. Right?"
Hase shook his head, saying that he couldn't turn his head properly. Taka-san sighed and looked directly at Hase.
"You may have lost. You may have escaped, thrown away, betrayed and come here. But there are people who have been saved."
"……"
"So don't say you're worthless, much less say that in front of Mishakuji-chan, because he respects you."
"Does he respect me?"
Hase repeated it, like the words he heard for the first time. As he looked down at the glass.
"But eventually he will be stronger than me."
"But now you are still that child's teacher."
Hase was listening to the words and sinking into the depths of the water in the glass.
"So, be proud and be like a teacher. Not for you, but for Mishakuji-chan. One day when that child leaves the nest, you will be able to proudly say, 'Isshin Hase taught him the sword.'"
Hase was silent for a while.
Taka-san didn't say anything else. He thought it was Hase's problem. After all, Hase himself is the only one who can come out of despair and suffering.
"So is."
Finally, Hase muttered and crept into his chest.
What he took out of it was a messy piece of paper. It was slightly dirty and covered with hand stains, and the written characters were not clear. However, Hase squinted to see the precious written treasure and murmured.
"I may have come here for that."
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fletchphoenix · 3 years
Text
Change Of Plans
Chapter 3 of Hugo’s story - I’m thinking this is just the main 7k storyline but from Hugo’s (kinda) perspective! Hope you enjoy!
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Hugo groaned as Olivia rolled on the pillow beside his head, pushing the mechanical rodent away before immediately groaning in pain at the throbbing feeling in his shoulder. The hell was that? Oh. Yeah. Bullet wound. Mumbling, he pushed himself into a sitting position and flexed the metallic fingers of his prosthetic arm, glancing down at it and frowning at the reminder of his past.
He’d only just left the orphanage in town, not wanting to stay there and rot after he’d been tossed back and forth between orphanages and foster homes and just being abandoned each time by people. In his defence, he’d been needing parts to fix Olivia and the guy at the stall had his back turned - he really thought it would be an easy steal. Just get what he needed and go to his alley and fix Olivia.
But of course life was never that simple for Hugo, was it?
The guy had caught him, grabbing his arm and slicing it clean off until it was nothing but a bloody stump that cut off at his elbow. He was just a kid too - only just turned ten when the incident had happened, though that was the day he’d met Donella and been taken in by her. She’d done a lot for him, creating the prosthetic and training him in self defence, though it didn’t change or erase the memories that he was haunted with.
Hugo sighed softly, his hand sliding over his bedside table and picking up a few spheres full of alchemical compounds. After obtaining the spheres, he pressed a little button on the side of his prosthetic, a section popping up before he slid them into it and pressed it down gently to secure them in their hiding place. 
Rising to his feet, Hugo changed into his clothes and stretched out, grumbling in pain as he, once again, hurt his shoulder. He pushed his glasses up his nose and reached out to take his hair tie, tying his hair back into a ponytail and heading towards the door. 
Donella had said there was a mission for him, though he really wasn’t sure what she wanted. Hopefully it was just a short mission.
--------------------
It was not a short mission.
After an extensive explanation on her previous studies, which Hugo had almost fallen asleep in the middle of, she revealed where he was headed. Koto, aka one of his least favourite places to be, only topped by Ingvarr and the security there. Damn, Koto was terrible, and now Donella had doomed him to go there and make sure this..random child didn’t try to steal some ‘ancient totem’ because her ‘livelihood and career depended on it’. 
He sat on a roof silently, watching as the two boys weaved through people in a crowd towards a rather large lion statue, the smaller of the two babbling and seemingly annoying the taller one. Hugo’s head tilted slightly as he examined the taller boy, leaning forward slightly with a satisfied grin. He was kinda cute if he was being honest, the way he was trying to calm down the younger boy mesmerising Hugo in a way that he couldn’t describe. Hugo could tell from afar that he had buck teeth as well, a smile creeping its way onto Hugo’s face as he watched him awkwardly smile and talk to different stall owners. He genuinely looked happy to be there.
So naive.
The smaller boy beside him seemed very overexcited, pretty much jumping like a puppy and wondering at his side. If he didn’t know any better, he’d assume the pair were mentor and mentee, not just some people who met on a farm out of desperation. Hugo silently watched as they turned a corner and went out of sight, obscured by one of the red, paper lanterns that hung from rope across the city. 
“Shit. Well Olivia, looks like we’ve gotta scavenge, sweetheart.” Hugo sighed, exasperated as he carefully made his way down from the roof and shifted in between bodies stuck in a crowd, Olivia squeaking from her place in his pocket. He felt like he’d travelled through endless crowds trying to track down the pair, though he couldn’t find them whatsoever. Curse his targets being small. A groan left his lips as he moved to the sidelines, a hand running through his fringe. Why did he even say yes to this job in the first place? He could’ve just said-
“Okay I think the entrance is here.” A voice echoed down an alleyway, Hugo slipping into it and positioning himself behind a wall as he watched the two younger boys press a few buttons and head down a staircase hidden underneath the statue. His job just got a whole lot easier, the blonde sneaking over after a few minutes and heading down the staircase. 
This was about to be the easiest job in his life.
-------------------------
Hugo easily stepped through the trials, the two boys providing him a clear path to his goal. It was almost heavenly, being able to do what Donella wanted so easily. His eyes studied the room he was in as he strolled through it, ears trained to listen out for any traps that might be situated in the room.
The space itself was..rather pretty. Red pillars rose to the equally red ceiling of the cavern, seemingly carved out from the earth itself, which was plausible considering how far down he was under the ground. Emerald dragons curled up the dragons, with golden details at the top and on the walls surrounding him. He smiled smugly as he strutted past them, his hand wrapping around it.
“Hey! That belongs to us!” The same voice from earlier exclaimed, Hugo turning his head to meet the blue eyes of the pretty boy from earlier, the grin on his face widening. This day couldn’t get any better - upon a closer inspection of the teen’s face, he could see all the little freckles that decorated it and made tiny constellations across his cheeks. 
“Yeah, we earned it!” the shorter boy complained, Hugo paying him no mind as he lifted the totem to his face and studied it. There was an abundance of little intricate details that decorated the totem, notably a little fire symbol in the centre and a slight reddish tint to the wood and overall design of the totem.
“Huh, weird. Cause I’m sort of the one who’s holding it...so I feel like that sort of means that it belongs to me-” He began before being rudely interrupted by the pretty boy, his wooden staff pointed out at the blonde as his face twisted into an expression of anger and resentment towards the man. It wasn’t a good look on him.
“No way! We completed the trial, not you! Whoever you are..Hand over the totem!” he yelled as the smaller boy fished into his pocket to point a red tube over at Hugo. So they wanted to do this the hard way, huh? Well, that sucked. He really wanted the pretty boy to be less confrontational, but when does anything in his life go right at this point?
“I like your magic wand. S’pretty!” He declared simply before glancing over at the smaller child with a smile. “Ooh! And some fireworks! How fun! But, you two are adorable,” He shot a wink to the taller of the pair, smirking at his discomfort in pleasure, “but I’m on a schedule, so..” And with that, he raised his prosthetic, ejecting a sulfur-infused stink bomb from its chamber in his arm and rushing away under the blue smoke as the two boys coughed and wheezed.
----------------
“You shoulda seen their faces, Cyrus! It was hilarious!” He laughed as the stronger, stoic man ushered him towards his boss’ tent.  “Geez, couldn’t ya be a bit softer on a poor little orphan boy?” Hugo complained, Cyrus rolling his eyes and resorting to (quite literally) shoving the boy through the entrance and straight into his boss. “Hey Don. Got your glorified wood.”
“What took you so long? I thought I said it was a fast assignment.” Donella, as optimistic as ever, picked up the totem and examined it closely, something resembling a smile taking its place on her face before she glanced at the blonde again. “I’m waiting.”
“Oh yeah.” Hugo began, folding his arms and stretching. “Well, there were these two kids who were doing the weird little tasks in the room. One of ‘em was a tiny kid. Seemed local to the area and acted like a dog. And there was one with this long ass staff, a book and a blue streak in his hair.” His boss’ head shot up at that, her breath hitching for just a moment, though it was almost unnoticeable because of the noise outside the tent from her henchmen. “Ma’am?”
“Ulla’s boy.” She whispered under her breath as a hand raised to thread through her hair, Hugo’s eyebrow raising in confusion at the sudden change in atmosphere, before his boss raised her head with a smug expression.
“You’ve had a change in assignment. I want you to become...acquainted with those boys and finish the trials with them. Then, when you’re done, report back to me with all the totems. I’ll be willing to give you a generous raise in pay when you’re through. Enough to get you to the higher tiers of Pittsford. So. What do you say?” She grinned before pausing. “Hugo.” 
Hugo stood in silence for a second as he raised his eyebrow at Donella skeptically. She was offering all he ever wanted. A home in the higher tiers of Pittsford, money, a life of luxury, and judging by the look in her eyes, she was being one hundred percent serious. But could he risk being away for that long with kids who have the potential to figure out he’s lying to them? “You aren’t kidding are you?” He saw a nod from his peripheral vision and a sigh passed through his lips. “See ya later then, boss. Don’t miss me too much.” He muttered as he left the tent, totem in hand and bag swung over his shoulder. Brilliant. Now he had to convince these kids that they could trust him.
It didn’t take him long to find the pair wandering through the forest aimlessly, carefully slipping in behind them. “Hey.” He began, a puff of smoke in his face as some kind of vial was thrown to the floor and a cloud of smoke filled his vision. He coughed and tried to move, glancing down at his feet. Some kind of pink goo kept him stationary as the pretty boy paced around him and looked him up and down. “Like what you see?” he chuckled at the flush on the boy’s face before the staff was raised to press against his throat. “Relax, goggles. I haven’t got any traps on me. Just wanted to return this with a proposal.”
Hugo reached into his bag to present the totem, the raven haired boy immediately trying to swipe for it before Hugo raised it above his head. “Ah ah ah! Patience. Me and the totem are a package deal. Let me come with you and get the rest of the totems.”
The trio stood in silence for a second before the taller boy spoke up. “Why should we trust you? And why the sudden change in heart?” He questioned, an eyebrow raised and lowering the staff a little, the wood now knocking against Hugo’s orange-tinted glasses that hung around his neck. Good. He was letting his guard down.
“Because i’m devilishly handsome, and I saw you two little helpless children and decided that I couldn’t leave two kids to suffer through such...strenuous trials.” Hugo glanced up to see two unimpressed faces staring back at him, letting out a frustrated sigh. “I felt bad and thought you needed someone to stop you from getting robbed. Oh, and the name’s Hugo. Don’t wear it out.”
The two boys locked eyes, silently debating for a few seconds, before finally the older relented and sprinkled a solution over the goo that covered the blonde’s feet. “I’m Varian.” He stated as he stood back up, “And the small one is Yong. Try anything and we’re taking the totems and leaving you in the nearest kingdom, is that clear?”
“Crystal.” Hugo replied as he began to walk forward. “Cmon then! We have some totems to collect!” he declared, a grin on his face at the sheer stupidity of the two teens and how easy this mission was gonna be.
His dream was finally coming true.
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mycandylovefanatics · 4 years
Text
Muted Desires
Word count: 2k
Genre: Angst?? Maybe idk lmao
Warnings: Very, very mild NSFW at the end. Nothing you have to hide in your bedroom to read
This is based off of episode 4 of MCL University Life. I wasn’t happy with the way the game portrays his attitude towards us, and our candy just sitting there and taking it. I wanted to add a little more... idk detail to it and why he reacts the way he did? I also wanted to see this from his perspective. Anyways this is my first full oneshot that I’ve written in YEARS so please don’t judge, and feedback is always much appreciated <3
FYI:I do NOT normally do these so don’t request them, if you thought i took forever to get headcanons out then...
Also BIG thanks to my friend @mdme-sora for helping me with the title and being grammar police for me lololol love you girl! 
Castiel plays the first few notes of the band’s opening song. He can hear the screams and shouts from behind the curtain as he drags his fingers over the strings of his guitar. The volume from the amp causes his ears to ring just a bit, but after performing so many times he’s used to it. He continues the same tune while the other members of the band join in, one by one until the different rhythms form into one. The screams get more impatient as they wait for the band to reveal themselves, but more specifically, him to reveal himself. The other instruments become silent as he plays the last few notes and the curtain finally rises. A moment of silence, and the crowd is silent with them, until he finally turns around to face the jam packed bar room. He steps up to the mic and introduces the band, not that the introduction was much needed in the first place. The crowd erupts into another fit of screams and cheers as the band starts singing the lyrics to one of their most well known songs. The crowd begins to sing along and dance to the beat, putting a faint smile on his face, unnoticeable by most people. He starts to walk around the small space on the stage  and soon enough, Castiel finds himself slipping into that familiar trance that he always fades into whenever he performs. He drowns himself in his music, scanning the crowd but not actually taking them in, not actually seeing them. Nothing can break his focus-
Until his eyes land on you. He can feel his eyes widen and his heart begins to thump so hard he swears it might rip out from his chest. His breathing hitches and he almost fumbles the next line of lyrics, before he catches himself. Your eyes meet, but only for a split second as he forces himself to look away and regain his composure, focusing on a group of squealing girls directly in front of him. Why were you here? When did you get back? Had you been back for long? So many questions run through his mind at one time.  The room is suddenly way too warm, his mouth is way too dry and he would want nothing more than a cold glass of water. Scratch that, an ice cold glass of beer. Luckily for him, the current song does not require him to have his hands occupied with his guitar. He takes off his jacket and tosses it to the side of the stage, hoping to alleviate some of the heat but nothing comes of it. It takes every bone in his body to not look at you again. Part of him questions whether or not that was actually you, but he knows. He would recognize those eyes in a sea of people any day.
Suddenly he finds himself wanting this concert to be over sooner than later, and it seems like forever until the final note to the last song of the night plays out. He says his normal ‘goodbye and thank you’ speech while his eyes scan the room for you. He catches a glimpse of your head walking towards the bathroom. The line is long, he notices with relief, which should give him plenty of time to have a quick chat with his band mates and mentally prepare himself to talk to you. He tries to remember the last time you two had spoken. What was it, four years ago now? You guys had kept in touch for a few weeks after you broke up, but eventually you both knew that you couldn’t keep going like that. The daily texts turned into weekly, the weekly turned into monthly and then soon enough, the monthly turned into…never. He feels his heart ache at the memory, but pushes the feeling away almost immediately. It’s been four years, why is he still wallowing in his feelings? Surely you didn’t feel anything for him anymore, so whatever feelings he did have were pointless. At least that’s what he tried to tell himself. 
He’s talking to his band mate, Devin, when he notices you’ve come out of the bathroom. You’re making your way to the bar, and Castiel cuts his conversation short. “Hey, I’m gonna stay back and talk to an...old friend for a bit, I’ll catch you guys later.” Before Devin can respond, he’s walking off towards you. You’re pushing your way through, almost to the bar when he grabs your wrist, keeping his grip firm to keep you from going any further. You turn around with wide eyes, clearly not expecting him to be the one grabbing you. His heart starts beating again, but he forces his nerves back down and looks you in the eye. “Hi,” he says. That’s it. He wants to slap himself for it, but then again what else CAN he say? 
You’re at a loss for words but force out a hesitant “Hel... Hello.”
“I didn’t know you were back in town, you didn’t tell me,” he says.
Your eyebrows raise up at this. “I haven’t had the chance to… And besides-”
He cuts you off before you can finish your sentence and before he can even stop himself. “No need to make excuses.” He says it a little more coldly than he means to. Or maybe he does mean to, he’s not sure. You start saying something but he cuts you off, again surprised by the sudden brashness in his tone. “So you show up to one of my concerts without saying anything and you didn’t think I’d notice?”
“What? No, it’s not that at all, I just-”
“I noticed you in the crowd during the concert,” he says. You look shocked that he noticed you in the first place, he smirks a bit. “I know there were a million people here tonight but you don’t blend in very well when I’ve known your face for years.” 
You’re about to say something when a group of fan girls suddenly surrounds you. He can see the mixture of annoyance and amazement on your face, and he lightly grabs your wrist again. The feeling of your smooth skin makes his breathing hitch for a second. 
“Let’s go somewhere a little less crowded.” You let him pull you towards the back of the bar, into a small broom closet. He left the door slightly cracked to allow air to flow in. People were passing by, employees, but they didn’t notice the two of you standing in there.
You looked at him for a moment, as if you were taking in the way his face had changed over the years. And it had, his jaw was more defined, his eyes seemed more intense. You felt a small wave of nostalgia though, as you realized his hair had stayed the exact same length and color from when you’d last seen him. When you first met him. You smiled up at him. 
“I’m glad to be seeing you again, it’s been a while.” 
He scoffs, “Glad to see me but didn’t bother telling me you were back in the first place.” 
Your smile falters at this, and for a split second he feels bad. He doesn’t want to make you feel guilty yet for some reason he can’t stop his bottled up anger from spilling out. He isn’t expecting you to respond with the same snappiness, though. 
“And what the hell was I supposed to say? We haven’t spoken in four years but yeah, it would have been totally not weird for me to suddenly get back in touch overnight only to say ‘Hey, I’m back in town’?” You roll your eyes and continue, “Especially after the way we left things, you KNOW it’s not that simple.”
His chest tightens at your response. He knows all too well that you’re right, but he doesn’t want to admit that. He just looks at you with that same glare he would give you whenever he was pissed off.
 “You’re right actually, you’re the one who left. I guess you wouldn’t be coming back for me.” He desperately wants to tell himself to just shut the hell up, to just stop talking but he doesn’t.
“Is that what you wanted? Me to come back for you?” You ask. He knows your question is well placed, but he tries to deflect it.
“Pfft, seriously? You leave for years and then waltz back in here expecting me to be available just like that? Waiting nice and sweet for you?” He knows he’s stretching your words but he does this because he knows deep down, you’re right again. Maybe he did want you to come back for him, maybe he did want you to say how much you’d missed him. 
“That's not what I meant and you know it,” you say. And he does know it.
“Hm, okay little girl…” His heart thumps as the words come out of his mouth before he can stop them. He plays it off like he means nothing by it, but he can’t deny the warm, yet painful feeling he gets when he remembers the way he used to call you that when you were together. He takes a deep breath and gives you his signature smirk. “How about we wipe the slate clean and start over?”
You nod your head and quickly change the topic. “Well, looks like your music is really taking off. I never imagined you’d be so famous that we’d have to hide just to have a normal conversation.”
He looks off to the side. “Yeah, that’s one of the many costs for fame. But, this is our hometown, where we got started so we’re more well known here. It’s not like this everywhere.”
You notice he seems to be uncomfortable with the topic so you change it again. “Well either way, you sounded great up there. You’ve definitely come a long way since we were in highschool.” He laughs, a real laugh this time, “I would hope so! I was only just getting started back then, and now I’m actually seeing how things are done. It helps to have some pretty good band mates as well.” You smile, he seems to be really happy with how far he’s come. You knew it had been his dream, and seeing it come true for him made you proud. 
While you were glad to be conversing with your old friend, or maybe lover is a better word, you remembered that Chani was waiting for you, and you glanced towards the door. He notices how you look a bit anxious. 
“If you’re bored just say so.”
Your eyes snap back at him, eyebrows raised again. “N-no it’s not that, it’s just, I came here with someone.”
His heart clenches again, and he can’t stop himself from asking. “Are you on a date?” The question is none of his business, he knows that. But he wants to know anyway. 
“Oh, no definitely not,” you are sure why you put emphasis on ‘definitely’. “I’m here with a friend from school, her name is Chani.” He feels relief in his chest, and peeks through the door. He wants to keep you here, wants to keep talking to you. But he feels like he’s about to explode, and it’s suddenly way too hot again. He ends the conversation.
“Well, looks like the crowd has died down. I’m going to go get a drink, I could really go for a beer right now. I’ll see you around.”
And with that he leaves you in the closet by yourself. He walks to the bar and sits on one of the stools, immediately getting attention from a few girls still lounging in the bar. He orders his choice of beer, chugging it as soon as it’s in his hands. Normally he’d be packing up his equipment and getting into bed as soon as possible, but tonight he knew he was gonna need more than a good night’s sleep to process what had just happened. 
He entertains the blonde woman by his side, who is trailing her finger up and down his arm, tracing his tattoos. She was saying something about his performance, no doubt saying something about how good he looked up on stage. He had heard it all before, but that’s not why he was zoned out. His gaze shifts past the blonde’s head, and sees you walking towards the exit, Chani, he assumed, by your side. It was as if you could feel his eyes boring into your back because just as you were about to walk through the door, you stopped and turned. Your eyes met once more that night. He couldn’t tell what you were thinking, though he desperately wished he could. Your eyes stayed locked like that for what felt like eternity, before you continued your way out the door once your friend got your attention again. As per request, the bartender gave him another beer bottle. And another, and another. The woman on his arm luckily, doesn’t notice how he’s not listening to a word she’s saying. His clouded mind is focused on you and you alone. How much you’d changed, how you looked so different but still the same. The way your voice still went up a pitch when you got irritated. How your eyes would crinkle whenever you’d laugh. The way that no matter how many people were in a room, his eyes would always find you. Just like they did tonight.
 He downs his last beer as if it were water, and stands up from the bar. He drapes an arm around the woman, who he can’t for the life of him remember her name, or if she had even told him what it was in the first place. He leans against her and whispers in her ear, “Why don’t we go back to my place?” And without hesitation, she accepts. They stroll out of the bar together and walk back to his place, as it’s only a few blocks away. He hurriedly opens the door and pushes her through it, kissing her in a slightly drunken haze, not waiting a second to start discarding articles of clothing. He can feel her touching him, he can feel his hot skin melting with hers, and he feels good. But as he’s running his hands up and down the curves of her body, sucking and licking on her neck while she pants in his ear, he can’t help but to wish it were you instead.
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lieutenant-amuel · 4 years
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Hello! I remember that a few months ago you wrote a post where you talked about Gabe's development. So maybe you can add more details to make your analysis little deeper? I know you tried to put all aspects of his personality in one post, but perhaps you have something else to say?
Hello!
Yeah, I have to admit that my analysis post was a little unstructured and superficial. I wrote it almost immediately after the "Crash Course" and wanted to share my thoughts as quickly as it was possible. Anyway, for now, it's a three months after that episode so hopefully I can express my thoughts about Gabe and his development in clearer way. I don't know if I can add something new, but I'll try to summarize everything I have in head.
Well, as I said one day - Gabe is a superficial character. However, I'm pretty sure that it WAS my opinion about him. And perhaps I used to think so because of my headcanons. I was too focused on them that forgot about his canonical personality and didn't analyze anything that happens to him in the show. For now, some things have changed so, yeah, I don't portray Gabe as a character who simply does have a potential.
Anyway, I still agree that his development is subtle. It needs to pay a little more attention to him to notice any differences during the show than to Elena, Mateo and Esteban (yes, I gave an example to these characters, because they're indeed the most complex in the show).
Maybe, that's only me, but I think that Gabe's doubts about his role as a captain of the guard weren't sudden and didn't appear only because he failed during the Carnaval when Delgados and Esteban escaped (and because of Doña Paloma's words). For me, it originated in season 2. Obviously, Gabe usually fails in magical missions, because he isn't a wizard. And that's quite interesting that Gabe is the most vulnerable "member" of Los Cuatro Amigos squad when it comes to magic. Even Naomi is less exposed to magical dangers no matter she doesn't know magic either. Of course, I don't want to say that Gabe is useless. He simply makes mistakes little more often than others - he didn't really do anything during the battle in "The Scepter of Night", he was caught by Fiero, he missed Victor and Carla in the snow storm and then couldn't find them.
And again, that's interesting that Gabe has never paid attention to his failures. Sure, he may be sorry, but he has never been self-doubt. The same actually was in "The Magic Within". What did Gabe say to Elena when the prisoners escaped? "Well, apparently, ptivate Higgins gave him a key." Gabe didn't consider their escape as his mistake and to be fair it really wasn't. Gabe is very confident person and when he fails, he doesn't pay attention to it. He simply goes ahead to continue to do his job.
Hearing from Doña Paloma about his failures "time and time again", he certainly started to think how well he did his job. Gabe was directly told that he should be replaced. And obviously it made him to think about his role and remember every time "he has failed."
Maybe, it's just me, but I think most details of his development usually happen off-screen. I held the same opinion when I talked about his personality in my another "analysis post." His change from the arrogant guy to responsible and serious captain was a bit sharp so I seriously think that his obsession with El Guapo was an important part for his development. It was an opportunity for him to look at himself from a different perspective (in caricature way, but still), analyze his behavior and make some conclusions. So maybe, in season 3, between the episodes he really analyzed his previous failed missions? And it helped him to understand the reason why it happens? Everything is possible.
When he heard Rico saying about magic and when met Bronzino, Gabe started to think that it would be helpful for guards to use magic. However, in "Captain Mateo" Gabe was against it (🎶You can't pick magic over might🎶). Or perhaps, he simply didn't want to lose his rank as a captain. Anyway, it might be a confirmation that he mostly changes off-screen. His decision in "Crash Course" is literally opposite to that one in "Captain Mateo".
One of main aspects of Gabe's development is growth from "baker boy" to worthy captain of the guard. That arc originated in season 2 and developed during the episodes by showing his failures. Another arc is connected to magic and Mateo. In early season 1 Gabe didn't take Mateo's magical abilities seriously, and in general, he was neutral to magic, but for a time Gabe's point of view has changed.
For now, royal guards, including Gabe, learn magic. And magic is the way that may summarize everything: he would prove that making him captain was the right choice by helping Elena to beat Ash and Esteban; he would never fail again, because he can use both the sword and tamborita. In general, his role would be more important.
Gabe wasn't involved in magical world, but during the whole show it has become the most important part of his development.
These are just my personal thoughts. I don't know would anyone agree with me, but I like to think in that way. I may be wrong, but maybe that line in "Spellbound" ("Maybe, I should be the Royal Wizard?") was something like foreshadowing? well, okay, it's far-fetched
Anyway, that's the way how I see Gabe and his development. Yes, it might be subtle, but I enjoyed analyzing it and noticing some details I didn't before.
Thank you so much for this question! It was so much fun to write!
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btssunnyboy · 4 years
Text
Partners In Crime - Jeon Jungkook Part 1
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You had a vendetta, and this was your chance. You were gonna prove yourself, but now you got another person to worry about.
Word Count - 3,131
Warning - Undercover Agent! AU, profanity and mentions of drinking.
Masterlist
Also I’m back after a few months break I’m so sorry, but hopefully I’ll be back with a lot more updates!!!
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"I absolutely refuse! I'm more then qualified to handle this mission on my own."
The words slipped pasted your lips quicker then you intended. Venom laced through every word, as you stared stared at your higher up. His eyes threatened to roll back in his head ; agitation clearly visible through his stressed state. He released a heavy breath, while pinching the bridge of his nose. His hands form together into bone crushingly tight fist.
"L/n! Work with me! You need a partner for this assignment and he's the perfect coverup!" Mr. Jones ushered out as his eyes glanced cautiously at the clock. The small ticks that erupted from the small machine filling the tense silence that was floating in the air. His leg shook wildly in return in made the floorboards squeak underneath the shaky weight.
"I've been working Jackson Wang's case for over six months! His banquet is my shot to prove I'm worthy of my spot on this team!" You bellowed, comic stream bursting from your ears. Your face was red from embarrassment, disappointment and most importantly anger. Pure, boiling, hot anger seeping through every crevice of your body. This was chance to prove that you weren't a rookie anymore! This was a chance to live up to what you father used to be on this force.
"You've shown your worth more then enough times to be about of my department, but this is a mission that requires back up. It's too dangerous even for you." Mr. Jones sighed once more when he noticed your posture. Stick straight back, with clenched hands and jaw. You were passed the state of furious, and he knew hell was about to rain down. "Can I at least tell you his name."
"Of course it's a guy."
"His name is Jeon Jungkook. He's one of the top residents we have, and he's moving up through the ranks remarkably well." The sickly sweet comment rolled off of his tongue with such ease. It disgusted you down to your core. You didn't need a partner to handle Jackson Wang. You've dealt with his accomplices, and you sure as hell can take a guy like him on. "Now would you please stop making a big scene."
On one hand Mr. Jones had a point. Your reaction was starting to take the form of a five year old who just got told no to a brand new toy. You were overreacting, but with a good reason to back it up. This was your main chance ; you didn't want to be shadowed by some partner who would take all the credit. This was your shot, and you desperately needed it. Your worth in this department now rests on the hands of someone called Jeon Jungkook.
Before you mouth could open to add more snarky comment chief's door swung open. I'm walked a man who was almost your age, but maybe a bit older. His big doe eyes held so much innocence ; you almost pity the man who decided to work in a job like this. A job that requires you to be deceiving in every way, a job that tests your limits, and a job that puts your life in danger every time you walk out those doors. Being undercover has it's downfalls, and it may corrupt a sweet guy like him.
"This is your partner. Jeon Jungkook meet L/n Y/n."
"It's a pleasure to meet you! I've actually heard so much about you!" He beamed while staring softly at you. His hand was extended, and your whole body was hesitant to even shake his hand. He noticed the delay, and awkwardly pulled his hand away, and rubbed the nape of his neck. "It's gonna be an honor working with you."
You stayed silent through the entire exchange. The way his smile dropped ever so slightly, but the gleam never left his eyes. His stare was now directed towards the chief. Desperately trying to get the train moving along, and bolt as fast as he could out those glass doors. The chief gave a sudden scoff, before he started making his point clear.
"Jeon I'm sorry for this unprofessional like matter coming from one of our finest, but you two need to work together." The message was supposed to be loud and clear. Both of you were supposed to understand that this mission is going to take every once of willpower from the both of you. "This is his case file, learn it, live it, and then catch it."
Sharp nods left the both of you, as you reached for your file. Flipping through what felt like miles of charges against him. Things been drug charges, third degree battery, and many, many more. This just goes to prove that money will get your dumbass out of any situation. This man has ruined lives, and here he is still allowed to roam the streets without a care in the fucking world.
"Jesus Christ how can this guy live with himself?" Jungkook mumbled while pulling his chair out. His eyes scanned each charge, and loudly showed his disapproval. His scoff filled the small room, as if practically reverberated throughout. "What do you think about all of this?"
His question lingered in the air, as a response was settled onto your tongue. It was searing in your mouth, begging to have the cool air hit it and diminish the intensity of it. Instead you stayed silent. Letting your eyes linger on the file, even though you knew everything about this man. His motives, his relationship, his goddamn childhood. You knew it all, and a personal vendetta was pushing you towards getting this bastard in jail. Him and his stupid connections ruined your life, and you're never going to forget that.
"I know this isn't exactly your idea type of mission, but I'm just here to help." Jungkook softly said as he pulled his chair to the front of your desk. His famous doe eyes staring so softly into yours. They had a gleam that looked like a whole universe was settled underneath his cornea. His smile was still on his face, as if you silence wasn't affecting him at all. He didn't seem to care, as he continued on this conversation. "We still need to think of a plan to catch him."
He wasn't wrong. This whole mission still needed to be planned out step by step. And all you've got so far is the fact he's in town for the week, and once he leaves this area your team's jurisdiction will be useful no more. It has to be you, and your partner who take him down. The mere thought of him leaving made your hands clench in anger once more. Your knuckles going white from the harsh grip, and you could already fill your nails tearing the skin of your palms. His eyes glanced down at your hands, and he took it as his sign to leave.
"You don't have to go." Your voice was so soft he almost didn't hear it. This was a drastic change from your demeanor back in the chief's office. You tightly shut your eyes, and wished you'd just kept your mouth shut. He was just about to leave, and you could've been alone to make a plan layout. This could've be done all by yourself, but something made you want him. Something made it hard to see him go. "Like you said we need a plan."
"Y-yeah! A plan if were gonna catch him we need to make sure that he's caught in the act. I figured the only reason why he's never be truly admitted to jail is that he's never been see doing these things. Someone else always manages to take the fault." Jungkook stammered, as he pulled out his laptop. His eyes scanning every detail of the records he's looking at. Different people each lined up with charge that some how correspond with Jackson Wang's charges. They go down for him, and he just leaves them there. What a sicko.
You nodded your head in understanding. He would get charged and then everything would be dropped. Only for another man to take the place, and as they said coincidental at the time. This plan needs two brains working together, a different perspective is exactly what this mission needs. Yet you still can't bring yourself to accept that. It was stupid sitting here in a mood just because you have to have a partner
"We have less then a week to catch up so Jeon Jungkook. What's our first move." You sighed as you leaned back in your seat. A curt nod came from him as he typed away on his computer, original doe soft eyes were pressed in harsh glares. His min was set on finding an answer, and it looked like he was set on finding one fast.
"His banquet, like we've mentioned before is our only shot there's no other way. The only problem is that we need an invitation." Jungkook grumbled as he slammed his laptop shut. He knew this was a big opportunity, and now he can't do anything about it.
"I've got that covered, before Bailey's incident she's was assigned this case and already acquired two tickets. Now this is our last shot bring him back home. Do I make myself clear?"  The chief spoke loudly. Making sure this was getting through both of your heads.
"Crystal."
"You're both two of the youngest on this team, make this count. And be careful, Jackson Wang is many things, but he's not a fool. One slip up and this whole operation goes down."
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"So we have to look like a couple at this party." Jungkook sighed as he fixed the blazer that settled onto his broad shoulders. The sleek looking material complimented his body in an extraordinary way. He was actually looking the part of a wealthy business man, and that's exactly the cover up that was needed. "We still have a few days, maybe we should actually go on a date."
Your eyebrows shot up in a questionable look. Your head tilted to the side as well. The emerald dress in your hands suddenly worth a lot more attention then the dashing man in front of you. It felt stupid to get to know him considering after this mission you planned on never talking to him again. Hell you planned on staying quiet throughout the whole night at the banquet. Get in, get him and get the hell out. It wasn't supposed to be a bonding experience.
"Come on, I'm not that bad." He commented again, as he shrugged off the sleek material. He somehow looked even better without that jacket. His white button down shirt cling to his biceps, making him even more appealing. That same smile he always wore still graced his face. Almost like it was the only permanent expression he had. "I mean I'd like to get to know you considering we're gonna be on the same team after this."
You dreaded it when he spoke that sentence. You truly didn't mind him it's just, getting close to someone in this business has its consequences. Consequences that take every ounce of happiness in you, and rip it to shreds. You've gone through them enough to know just how terrible they actually are. You didn't want to experience that pain again, and Jungkook sure wasn't worth going through that guy wrenching pain once more. But you never know what could happen in the span of a week. Once more you stayed locked onto the target of the silky emerald dress in front of you.
"I just wanna make sure you're okay with being around me. If we have to look like a couple we're gonna have to be touching in some way to make it more believable. Maybe just tell me some lies, or say I love you. It's gonna be fake anyways."
The way he spoke so nonchalantly physically hurt your heart. It was so stupid to let those few words effect you in such a big way. You were gonna ditch him so you had no right to upset about this.
"Let's get take-out and go to my place tonight. This better be worth my night."
"Of course it's gonna be."
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It was a silent ride to your little apartment. The cars passing by providing only little bit of noise in the long car ride. You could tell he was itching to start a conversation based on the way his hand kept twitching. His eyes would shoot from the road back to your sleepy form. He just wanted to get to know you, and he's usually a talk active person. But he's scared he's gonna mess up things if he even speaks a word. He's worried that if he breathes the wrong way you're gonna complain even more. 
"Up here at the left." You said in a groggy tone, and rubbed the sleep from your eyes. A small yawn passing through once again. You honestly don't know if you're awake enough to even make it to your apartment door. But there is a hot takeout box in your lap, and it’s been a long day. Besides Lucy was definitely awake, and she’s always happy too see you. Well most of the time she is. Your keys wiggled in the lock as you tried to open the door. The sound of keys slapping against the concrete woke you up only slightly.
“Here let me do it.” He spoke softly as he took the keys from your weak grip. His hands softly guiding the takeout from yours. “If you want to reschedule it’s fine.”
“No it’s fine, when need this bonding experience anyways. Besides I think Lucy has already taken a liking to you.” You laughed lightly as the calico cat immediately rubbed her head against his jean clad legs. A soft purr erupting from her. The freaking cat loves him, but hisses at anyone else. “Well hello there.”
That little heifer has the audacity to love up on him, and completely ignore you. You’re the one who fills her green bowl, gives her half the food on your plate. And she goes to the stranger that smells like mint and chocolate.
“I swear she’s usually in a mood.” You commented, as you tossed your coat on the back of the couch. As Jungkook sat down she immediately made her nest on his lap. Like you said before, that little heifer. “Okay now lets start talking.”
“Okay, what’s your favorite tv show.” He softly said as he shoveled the noodles in his mouth. His eyes never leaving yours once more, as if he truly wanted to know. He’s actually taking this hang out session seriously.
“I’ve really been getting into body of proof recently, that was reason why I wanted to be a medical examiner at the start of my career.” You smiled at the memory. Your mom done everything in her power to put you on the right track. She was always worried you’d get chocked up dealing with dead bodies like that, but she was more worried you’d get caught in between a murderer and a victim. Like your new job was any better.
“Why didn’t you continue with that?” His question was innocent as all get outs. But it still hurt to even think about the reason why you dropped it from your worries all together.
“That a personal question for another time.” You sighed as you wiped the corners of your mouth. Your eyes staying down casted towards the hardwood floors. When you noticed how Lucy’s food bowl was empty you took that as your chance to leave. Slowly searching through your kitchen cabinets looking for favorite chicken meal.
“Oh, okay. I didn’t realize, that it was like that.”
“You couldn’t have know, it’s fine how about we move onto the next topic.”
He sucked in air through his teeth as he raked his mind for another topic. The air was tense, and that was the last thing he wanted. He cleared his throat, as he lightly stroked Lucy’s head. She dug her head further into his hand ; trying to appreciate the warmth that he was giving her.
“Look I’m sorry I keep making everything so difficult. I’m not trying too it’s just in this job I’m scared to open up. It’s gotten me in some trouble, and that almost took me out.” You confessed as you popped open the cat food. Hearing her small paws tapping against the hardwood floors once more. You wiped your hands off on your jeans, and turned to face him fully. His head was tilted in the way yours does, and his eyes held that curious gleam once more.
“I understand that to an extent, but we’re just talking right now nothing bad is gonna happen.” He smiled as he pushed himself up off the couch. Leaning down with a huff he sat beside of you and watched at Lucy lapped up the food that was left in her plate. As soon as she was done she moved towards the man behind her. She happily rubbed her small head underneath his chin.
“Lucy seems pretty content with you, maybe that’s a good sign.” You half smiled as you twirled her soft tail around you index finger. Successfully gaining her attention, as your little baby licked at the tips of your fingers. “How about we put in a random movie, and go from there.”
He smiled widely as he rushed towards the small component underneath the tv. His eyes gleaming happily as he traced the spine of each dvd. Before his eyes settled onto the marvel section. His hands grasped the dozens of DVD’s and sprawled the across the floor. Ranging from Captain American to the one and only Endgame. A small chuckled passed through his lips as he held up one of the Iron Man disc.
“We can bond over one of my favorite movies.”
“I’ll get drinks.” You smiled as you raced towards your cabinets once. Pulling out the wine from the back corner. The beautiful blue bottle shinning underneath the soft lights of your kitchen. Pulling out two wine glasses you jumped onto the couch beside of him.
“I’m ready whenever you are.” He tipped his glass towards you with a suggestive smile. His eyes lingering towards the alcohol in your hands.
“Okay then let’s play the infamous twenty-one questions.” You spoke as you poured the wine and let it flow into the glasses. Watching as the foam started to settle. Taking a sip, and letting the cool liquid soothe you throat. “What made you want to go undercover.”
“Let’s get ready for a story.”
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itsclydebitches · 3 years
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YYH Recaps: Episode 1, Surprised to be Dead
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Hello, all you hypothetical readers! It's a beautiful spring day and I have a free afternoon ahead of me, so what better time to start another massive project while I guilty stuff my other WIPs deep into the depths of my hard drive? Yeah. Iffy life choices aside, someone mentioned a few weeks back that they'd love for me to recap a show I have more positive things to say about than negative (RIP RWBY) and ever since Netflix announced that their live-action adaptation of Yu Yu Hakusho is in the works, I've been itching for a re-watch of the anime. With the RWBY hiatus underway, it seemed like the perfect time to fulfill both desires.
Before we begin though, I'd like to touch on a few things that are going to influence this project.
First, YYH is near and dear to my heart. Written by Yoshihiro Togashi in the early 1990s and later adapted for an American audience by Funimation, I had the pleasure of experiencing this story five different ways: as a serialized tale in Shonen Jump, a binge read when I had the money to buy the manga, tiny snippets of the anime on Adult Swim late at night — don't tell my parents ;) — as an after-school treat on Toonami, and then years later as a re-watch when I introduced it to a friend (who, in turn, blessed me by having us watch Fullmetal Alchemist next). I used to keep a Hiei bookmark in everything I was reading, the spirit gun made it into our witch-wolf-space adventures on the playground (middle school was wild), and there was a long period of my life where I tried very hard to teach myself to stand with my hands behind my back, precisely as Genkai does. Spoiler alert: I failed. So to say I love the series is... a little bit of an understatement. I bring this up simply as a way of demonstrating that there's more than a bit of nostalgia attached to YYH for me and that will inevitably cloud my reading of it. How can it not? So that's just something to keep in mind as I work through a series that, like any having hit its 30th birthday, has its outdated, flawed, and other questionable aspects.
Second, but very much connected to the first point, is that these are pretty casual recaps. I summarize and extrapolate, focusing primarily on plot and dialogue (but with the occasional cinematography aspect tossed in). I'm not conducting research on the cultural history here — something that will come up at least once in this episode — I'm not arguing an overarching thesis, and I've never been someone who focuses on the author/production/trivia of a series. I'm here for the story as the story is presented to the viewer. If you've read my RWBY Recaps, this will function precisely the same way, with the only difference being I'm engaging with a finished text as opposed to an ongoing one, so there’s a lot less, “Maybe ___ will happen” theorizing going on. 
Third, I obviously recommend that you watch the show yourself (you can find it on YouTube!), but you don't have to know the series to follow along. As these massive paragraphs attest, I tend to be both detailed and verbose, so we'll be covering every major plot point — and most of the smaller ones too.
Finally, I'm working from the dub. I know, I know, the horror. But it's what I grew up on and, honestly, I think it's superior to the sub. YYH's dubbing is in a class all its own and to this day there are very few shows that compare to it. Trust me, it's a good call.
That's enough of the boring chit-chat though. Let's get started!
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Our very first episode "Surprised to be Dead" opens on a crowded street. We see lots of traffic, people going about their business, and a pedestrian crossing sign that, crucially, turns red. This is our normality and, like in every genre story, you need to break that normality at some point so that the protagonists can go on their fantastical/supernatural/science fiction journey. YYH eases us into things by first breaking the normality of an everyday afternoon: there's a screech of tires, quick shots of a man pushing a child out of the way of an oncoming car, and then his back is hitting the windshield. We begin this story with a horrible — but otherwise mundane — car crash.
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Now, these flashes alone have a fair bit to unpack. Despite later getting a brief shot of the man's scared face right before he's hit, the moment's focus is really on the child. He's the one foregrounded in the initial, slow-mo shot. He's the one who appears in color while the man is kept in shadow. This isn't just a hit, it's a rescue. The camera is also careful to follow the soccer ball this kid was playing with (more on that later in the episode), with it flying through the air as the man is hit and bouncing to a stop in the street, acting as the dramatic finish. It's childhood! It's innocence! It's play on a sunny afternoon! And it's all gone wrong.
This moment is chaotic and even a bit confusing. Not in the sense of what's happening — that is quite obviously a guy being hit by a car — but who the victims are, how precisely this came about, or even why we're meant to care about this beyond a generic capacity to feel for other human (fictional) beings... that's all removed. And it works. As the crash takes place, the camera pans across the stunned crowd and we, the viewer, become a part of that crowd. They don't know what precisely is going on either. We're all just horrified onlookers as a sudden tragedy takes place. We're all watching the same show.
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So everyone realizes this guy has been hit. People are staring in shock and someone calls for an ambulance. We see the driver fall to his knees in the street, distraught, shakily saying, "I didn't mean to..." It's a very serious and emotional scene that —
— is immediately tempered by this guy waking up, complete with a cute 'pop!' sound effect when he opens his eyes.
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This is YYH's brand, this Very Serious Circumstances skillfully interwoven with casual indifference/comedy. It's admittedly far from a unique brand, but it's an excellent choice given that this is the same attitude that will drive 99% of our protagonist's interaction with the world.
Speaking of said protagonist, our guy wakes up, opens his eyes, and realizes that he's floating. There's a great, disorientating shot from his perspective where everything is upside down, causing him to nearly fall out of the air. Well would you look at that, he's as confused as we are. It's our audience surrogate!
A narrator says, "And so it all begins. This boy's name is Yusuke, he's fourteen years old, and he's supposed to be the hero of this story. But oddly enough, he's dead."
Game of Thrones might have made it popular, but YYH did it better.
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(Yeah, yeah, I know one death kick-starts the journey and the other is a shocking twist. Just let me have this.)
Now, it's a weird introduction, right? At least at the end. The announcement that change has occurred, a name, an age... that all checks out. But "supposed to be the hero"? What the hell is that “supposed to” mean? Our narrator gives us the easy, surface answer: "But oddly enough, he's dead." We're capitalizing here on the audience's expectation that death ends a character's journey and though they may have been a hero previously, they can no longer be one moving forward. That function within the story has passed. So it's this intriguing question of, "What kind of hero do you have when that hero is dead from the start?" but as we'll see soon, there's an additional meaning here of, "How can Yusuke be the hero?" As this premiere sets up, Yusuke doesn't act like the hero is “supposed to” act. 
Until he saved this kid.
But right now he's just confused: "Okay, this is weird. Stupid weird."
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Two EMTs arrive on the scene and are hilariously useless. You know how in any medical drama a doctor will stop CPR after a couple of seconds because obviously you're not going to spend half the episode on realism? Well, that's this only a thousand times worse. One guy just looks at the kid and announces he's fine except for some bumps and bruises. Meanwhile, the kid is sobbing.
"Well, at least one of them is," replies the other EMT, because I guess he can tell Yusuke is beyond hope without taking a pulse or anything? "I hate cleanup," he complains as they load his body onto a stretcher because that's? An empathetic response to have??
Honestly this scene is wild.
Yusuke is understandably upset that he's, you know, dead and all. He starts hounding the EMTs who, unable to hear him, just go about their business of taking the kid and his body to the hospital. "You think you can just do whatever you want because you have that stupid uniform on? You can't just write me off. Listen to me!" and Yusuke tries to punch one of the EMTs in the head, resulting in him floating right through.
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What a great way to introduce your protagonist's personality. We see here that when things go wrong Yusuke's default emotion is anger and it starts creeping in even before he thinks the others are ignoring him: "Stupid weird." He has problems with authority — "You think you can just do whatever you want because you have that stupid uniform on?" — is used to others listening when he gets angry — "You can't just write me off!" — and is poised to use violence at the slightest provocation. Yusuke is a guy who, right now at least, is ready to punch first and ask questions later.
As Yusuke floats back up into the air and the ambulance drives away, he finally cools down enough to try and think his way out of this. "It's not like this is the first time you've been in a jam,” he thinks. Yusuke recalls that yeah, something was different about today...
...he actually went to school.
Catch me laughing that this idiot boy equates the weirdness of him dying with going to school. Good lord. 
Anyway, this jumpstarts our flashback. We open on a generic, anime middle school (that always feels like a high school to me) where the principal is calling for Yusuke through the loud speaker. Oooo someone’s in trouble! We follow a young girl up to the rooftop and she gets a classic hair-blowing-in-the-wind moment to  establish that she's our love interest. Meet Keiko Yukimura.
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Keiko finds Yusuke hanging out and immediately starts lecturing him for trying to chew gum and refusing to wear the boys' uniform. "Oh, give me a break, Keiko. I look better in green." Note that it's here we learn her name and it's an easy, casual way to introduce it. I bring this up because Yusuke's introduction via our narrator is very much... not that. It's an on your nose statement about his name, age, and importance to the story, and if you're just starting the show in 2021, it might come across as a rather armature move. Like something out of a kid's show, perhaps. Yet here we see that this was a deliberate choice, considering that YYH is capable of introducing character information naturally when it wants to.
This moment also tells us that Yusuke cares a great deal about his image. More on that in a bit. Because Keiko isn't finished her list of grievances yet, going on to say that his attendance record has hurt their entire class, hurt her as class representative, and if he keeps going down this path he won't even graduate middle school. "Sometimes I think you don't care about anyone but yourself and then you don't even do that right!"
They're legit complaints. Too bad Yusuke is busy looking up Keiko's skirt.
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Yeeeeah. Sadly, this is common for anime, particularly a 90s anime like YYH. Even presumably more progressive series like My Hero Academia feature characters like Mineta, whose entire personality is being a pervert, and the creation of abilities that "require" kids/young women to be scantily clad. See: Yaoyorozu. YYH is no different in this regard, with various forms of sexual harassment functioning as a shorthand for how much Yusuke secretly likes Keiko. "Boys will be boys," right? Obviously not. 
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Like so many others series, the creators get away with it because they’re framing it as a bad thing. It's totally fine because look, Keiko slaps him! This is  teaching the viewer how wrong this behavior is. Never mind that this is clearly an established habit between them, that Yusuke laughs off Keiko's discomfort, and that the whole scene is meant to be funny for the viewer. That's the real purpose here; it’s not a PSA on harassment. 
That, and to establish the long-suffering love Keiko has for Yusuke in turn, largely stemming from a life-long friendship. "Dumb boy! He hasn't grown up a bit since he was four years old." We see that Keiko's early interactions with Yusuke have given her insight that others lack. As she heads down from the roof she runs into two girls hiding around the corner, too scared to come out lest "the great Urameshi" set his sights on them. Isn't Keiko terrified of what he might do to her? "Or worse, what others might say of it?" Like any classic high school middle school setting, one's reputation is king. Yusuke cares about how others see him — maintaining that tough boy attitude — and the girls care more about what the rest of the school might think of Keiko's interactions with him than the presumed harm Yusuke could do to her. They heard he can summon 2,000 men with just a whistle and that he "kills for fun!" But that means nothing in the face of people talking about you. Despite being one of the most popular girls in school, Keiko is the outsider here via her disinterest in what other people think.
The animation changes here, giving us a good look at how the girls picture Yusuke: tough, scowling, surrounded by shadows, and backed by an entire army.
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In contrast, we've already seen what Yusuke is really like.
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Keiko laughs the image off too. Yusuke is more like a "lamb" than a killer and besides, he couldn't order around two people, let alone two hundred. "He doesn't have many friends."
"That's not what I heard," says one of the girls. 
"Yeah," goes the other. "I think we would know." 
Again, rumors rule here, with whispers in the hall considered more reliable than someone who interacts with Yusuke on a daily basis. Keiko doesn’t have a hope of changing their minds. 
Oh, as a side note, I love that they gave Keiko Miyazaki-esque hair. It's very emotive.
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Yusuke escapes outside where the principal is still calling for him to report to his office. He overhears a conversation around the corner and we cut to two boys, one of which is showing a wallet off to the other. He explains that some bully tried to rough him up, but he said he was Urameshi's cousin and the bully took off, dropping his wallet in the process. The guy's friend is impressed, but what is he going to do if Yusuke ever finds out he lied? Not to worry, he says, that "blockhead" would probably think it's true even if he did somehow hear.
Yusuke, obviously, does hear about this and he, also obviously, does not believe this guy is his cousin. He looms ominously and they scurry up against a wall, terrified and offering him the wallet as an apology.
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"You think I want your money?" Yusuke yells.
YYH is, in many respects, a rather simple story, but I appreciate the hints of complexity in these otherwise straightforward interactions. It's not that this guy used Yusuke's name to steal a wallet, he used it as a form of protection against another bully — a far more sympathetic motivation. It's not that Yusuke's fearsome reputation has resulted in any genuine respect because once people think they're safe they reveal how little they think of his intelligence — he's a "blockhead." And Yusuke, though intimidating and violent, is not your average, schoolyard bully. He doesn't care about money, only the insult and the damage this guy using his name might have done to his reputation. There's a little more nuance here than you might otherwise expect.
Also, note how dark the boys' standard uniforms are and how much they blend into the rest of the world. Yusuke, as our protagonist, stands out in his bright clothing. He was right, he does look better in green!
So he's ready to clobber this kid when one of the teachers arrive: Mr. Iwamoto.
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Iwamoto demands to know what's going on, but the boys are too terrified to rat Yusuke out. Noticing the wallet on the ground, he assumes that Yusuke was after their money, something that greatly offends him: "Whatever!" Iwamoto goes on to say that, "No good weeds like you should have been plucked a long time ago," making it clear that he considers Yusuke a hopeless case. The positive aspects that Keiko sees, as well as the complexity the viewer sees — to say nothing of his introduction of saving a kid — aren’t considered here.
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Notably, Iwamoto exists in part to show us what Yusuke could become. Not a teacher (he's obviously not attending school enough for that!), but a cynical man who is cruel for cruelty's sake. Yusuke is already barreling down that path, ignoring Keiko's advice, terrorizing other students, trying to punch EMTs, etc. If his life (or afterlife...) hadn't changed through that accident, this is the kind of person Yusuke might have grown up to be, and we can see that clearly in the visual parallels between them. Dark haired men dressed in green who scowl with ease and toss out cutting insults. Yusuke is staring his future in the face.
For now he walks off with a final shot, "You shouldn't talk. It makes you sound stupid." This time Yusuke makes it to the school's entrance and tries to enjoy his second attempt at chewing gum, but someone hits him in the back of the head.
"Okay, somebody's DEAD — ah. Sorry, old man."
"That's Mr. Takenaka to you."
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Our principal has finally left the office and hunted down Yusuke for himself! Putting this interaction immediately after the one with Iwamoto allows the viewer to compare them. Yusuke might be irreverent towards his principal, but it's clear there's still some kind of respect between them. Yusuke only starts threatening because he doesn’t realize who hit him and once he does realize it's Takenaka, he immediately apologizes. That "old man" comes across as a teasing insult and Yusuke allows himself to be briefly dragged back towards school, rather than throwing a now classic punch. In turn, Takenaka cares enough about Yusuke to try and keep him on the straight and narrow. He utilizes Yusuke's preferred language — violence — but in a casual way, nonthreatening way: slight hit to the back of his head, noogie, pulling him along by the ear. 
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It's the sort of physicality we're used to seeing in media between a parent and child who are outwardly antagonistic, but actually share a deep bond. Takenaka is also careful to frame their return to his office as a "discussion," not a punishment, and offers Yusuke tea along with the conversation. Whereas Iwamoto considers Yusuke to be a "weed" that should have been plucked from their school long ago, Takenaka is determined to help Yusuke bloom.
If we're continuing the flower metaphor :D
Yusuke isn't in the mood to play along though. He gets away by using a fake ear, startling Takenaka when it unexpectedly pulls free. Yusuke escapes the school grounds and Takenaka, suffering a back twinge from his fall, can't chase after him. Poor guy. I understand that pain lol.
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Yusuke heads home where we're introduced to his mother, Atsuko. Most notable in her first shot is the soft lighting that highlights her looks. We're not told how old she is here, but I believe she's around 28 — and she looks it, if not younger. Given that Yusuke is 14, that means Atsuko was a mom at his age. This is a quick and subtle way to tell us about Yusuke's home life. There are more overt details in this scene — it's at least lunchtime and Atsuko hasn't left her bed yet, she demands that Yusuke make her coffee instead of greeting him, it's all meant to imply (before we actually see) that she's an alcoholic — but her age is another way to highlight the broken household here. There's no partner in sight and she clearly had Yusuke as a teenager. He hasn't had a strong parental figure to take care of him. If anything, Yusuke is taking care of Atsuko here.
"Oh great, mother of the year!" basically sums things up.
Atsuko wants to know why Yusuke isn't in school and he says that everyone is pissing him off today, particularly with their preaching. "Dear, if you hate preaching so much you should live on your own... but you can't do that, can you?" Alongside a rough upbringing, Yusuke is suffering from the common problem of being trapped in a dead-end life. He hates his school, his town, and coming home to find his mom hungover. Yusuke has no prospects and, outside of one principal, no one who is actively working to help him find some. Even the little things he hates, like being preached to, are unavoidable because if you want to live on your own, that requires money. Good luck pulling that off as a middle schooler whose only skill is street fighting!
Yusuke walks off in a huff, literally shouting in a street about what a bad day he's having (and hilariously scaring off pedestrians in the process). His shout brings trouble though. A couple guys appear to ambush him, their boss close behind. The music increases the tension, Yusuke's expression is serious, and we even get a Dutch angle thrown into the mix. 
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For any who don't know, the Dutch angle is a popular film technique to establish that something is wrong. There's tension in the scene, something uneasy is at play, and the world is now literally off center. It's perhaps most famously used in Do The Right Thing to establish the friction between an Italian-American pizzeria and the predominantly African American neighborhood it's based in.
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But it's also used a great deal in horror as a way to say: yup, shit just got real. Scary real.
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This Dutch angle introduces a character you may not appreciate at first, but absolutely should: Kazuma Kuwabara.
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He's initially the comic relief and that's clear in his introduction. Within seconds we move from that intimidating arrival to, well, seeing him. To be clear, I've got nothing against redheads with big chins, but compared to Yusuke's design, Kuwabara is meant to be the funny looking one. His threat level plummets the moment we get a look at his face, especially in a series that will occasionally use looks as a (supposed) measure of intelligence. 
Also, Kuwabara is dressed in light blue so, like Yusuke, we know he's important!
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Any assumptions that his appearance isn’t meant to imply a goofy, embarrassing personality are put to rest when Kuwabara starts rambling about how they last time they fought Yusuke just got a cheap shot in and he'll definitely win this time. Yeah, he won't. Yusuke is thrilled by this diversion though and we get a shot of him looking almost as creepy as Keiko's friends think he is. Whatever else might be said about Yusuke, he is absolutely a monster in a fight.
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Which we see here. If anyone picked up the series without knowing this was a fighting anime, they'll realize it now. Yusuke's choreography is stylized to show off his skill: he disappears with a 'whoosh' and dark lines to suggest inhuman speed,
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attacking Kuwabara with a knee to the face, utilizes flying kicks, lands perfect, precision punches, and ends it all with the toe-tip landing we've come to expect of all powerful fighters. Kuwabara never even got a hit in. 
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Happy as a clam now, Yusuke wanders off whistling and Kuwabara's friends are left to pick up the pieces. AKA, his likely broken bones. I love that they're legit friends though and not just nameless goons for the sake of giving Kuwabara a small gang (though their names won't come up until later). "That makes 0 wins an 156 loses!" one of them cries, trying to get Kuwabara to stop ending up in the hospital, probably. We establish that Kuwabara is The Most Dramatic Ever when he pulls his broken body into a seated position, shouting, "No! I almost had him that time!"
Then he passes out.
Kuwabara, honey, you obviously did not almost have him, but god bless you for the outlook. The most optimistic thing on this Earth is a well-loved Golden Retriever, but Kuwabara comes in at a very close second.
With his dream to one day beat Yusuke in combat established, we cut to Yusuke wandering the street where the episode opened. "Okay, I'm remembering" he says in a voiceover. "After that I met the kid."
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The soccer ball reappears as it rolls to a stop at Yusuke's feet. He grabs it and immediately starts yelling at the kid. Horrible protagonist, right? Well, Yusuke is trying to instill in him the danger of using this street as a playground, a worry the viewer already knows is 100% justified. “Listen, kid, that’s dangerous! There are cars going by that will splatter you into the pavement!” It's one of those quick moments where we get to enjoy Yusuke's duality: he's someone who is nearly making a toddler cry, but for rather understandable reasons. He's got the right idea, but needs to go about it in a more mature manner.
Which is precisely what he attempts to do. Sort of. Yusuke changes gears, though whether it's a more "mature" route is certainly up for debate lol. He tries entertaining the kid instead, raising and lowering the soccer ball to reveal goofy faces.
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When these fail to impress, Yusuke goes full out by stuffing the ball into his pants, pushing his nose up with a pair of chopsticks he got from god knows where, and generally just putting on a display.
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So Yusuke cares very deeply about his reputation... but only when it comes to those who are an established part of his life. Keiko, Mr. Takenaka, and the other kids at school all need to maintain a particular image of Yusuke, one that he's carefully cultivated. But random pedestrians on the street? Who cares about them? Let them talk.
This shows us that Yusuke does indeed have priorities over his own, selfish goals. Namely, the happiness of some kid is more important to him than looking "cool" for a bunch of strangers. Lots of characters with Yusuke's surface attitude would sneer at the idea of degrading themselves for — their words — some brat. But Yusuke, as we constantly see, actually does have that heart of gold. “Well, if all else fails I can still make kids happy.”
Although... I'm not sure what to make of his display itself. I have the distinct sense that there's something prejudiced here that I'm not able to fully articulate, what with the chopsticks, slanted eyes, bald head, and the like, though to be entirely frank I don't have enough knowledge of Japan's history to say precisely what it might be. Or, really, whether it exists at all. Just something to chew on.
What I am sure about though is the importance of having the child label Yusuke as monster — "Yeah, monster! — but in a delighted manner. Yusuke is indeed some kind a monster, someone who disappoints adults and terrifies his classmates, a demon fighter on the streets too, but here that identity is reworked into something positive.
Having successful secured a laugh, Yusuke tells the kid — calmly this time — to go play elsewhere. The toddler stares up at him with the blank expression only kids can manage.
Well, kids and whatever headspace I'm in after writing these metas.
To absolutely no one's surprise except Yusuke's, the kid does not go elsewhere. Instead, he continues kicking the ball down the street, causing Yusuke to exclaim, “Dammit, what’s the use? The kid can get smashed by a car for all I care!” Liar, liar. 
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The picture becomes desaturated as the kid kicks the ball and it flies into the street, time slowing down to show it landing precisely in the middle of the road. Yusuke again yells for him to stay put, but when has a toddler ever listened? He begins to walk into the road as our driver arrives, speeding, swerving, and paying more attention to the girl at his side than what's in front of him.
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This time, we see the accident from the front with both Yusuke and the kid presented equally.
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There's a cut to black and when we return we're in the present, Yusuke floating above the policemen now investigating the scene. “So that’s it? I’m roadkill?” As Yusuke realizes he's dead, specifically that he's a ghost, a voice goes,
"Bingo! Bingo! You win the prize!"
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A woman has appeared who is quite obviously othered by the standards of the episode so far. Unlike the greens, blues, and browns of the series' modern clothes, she's dressed in hot pink kimono with blue hair to match. She's also, you know, floating on an oar.
“I didn’t expect you to figure it out so quickly," she says, referring to Yusuke's revelation that he's dead. Apparently, those who meet unexpected and/or violent ends tend to take some time coming to terms with their demise. It's a nice acknowledgment of Yusuke's intelligence in an interaction that's otherwise... not great for his self-esteem.
Meaning, this woman is about to drag him lol.
She introduces herself as Botan, pilot of the River Styx and guider of souls to the afterlife. You might also know her as the Grim Reaper.
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(Hey, RWBY fans: I originally wrote that as Grimm Reaper 🤦‍♀️)
It's an claim Yusuke takes issue with because 1. Botan is too pretty to be the Grim Reaper and 2. If she was really some god of death she'd be taking this much more seriously, not laughing and saying, "Bingo!" For the audience this does two things. First, it acknowledges our own expectations and validates them. Yusuke's world isn't so far removed from our own that he takes Botan's looks and personality at face value, he also expected a skeleton with a scythe. So don't worry, all the weird stuff in this series is weird to our protagonist too. They'll be explanations. Or, even if there’s not, you’re not wrong for being surprised. 
Second, it sets up the very common theme in YYH of undermining those common assumptions again and again and again. We've already seen it with Yusuke, wherein characters who look and act a certain way are, supposedly, destined to be that person and nothing more. Yusuke is meant to be just a "weed," a dumb, violent, angry loser who goes nowhere in life... but we already know he's more than that. Botan is supposed to be scary and serious, but she says nah, I want to be cute and bubbly instead. No character in YYH embodies who they're "supposed" to be when you look past those surface characterizations. They play the part of archetypes — and do keep certain parts of their expected personalities — but they're also far more well-rounded than that. Which yeah, is something most people expect from any story nowadays, but YYH is particularly adept at making you think you're watching Simple Show A only to turn around and surprise you with More Complex Show B.
It's great, trust me.
So Yusuke is pissed that Botan isn't adhering to those expectations, in the same way that he works hard to validate others expectations of him. He doesn't know how to deal with someone challenging his world view yet. Rather than angering Botan though, she just nods and says that this response makes sense for him. “Rather than being scared, or surprised, you yell a lot and tell me I don’t know what I’m talking about." Taking out a notebook, she quickly summarizes everything we learned in the flashback — minus Yusuke's complexities: he's fourteen, in middle school, is ill-tempered, violent, hates authority, and is a horrible student.
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Typically, Yusuke responds by getting angry and trying to snatch the booklet out of her hands, only for Botan to pull it out of his reach, laughing. The tables have turned! Rather than being surrounded by people who cower at Yusuke's imposed authority, he now finds himself faced with someone who laughs at his transparent attempts to take control of the situation.
Calming down, Yusuke wants to know if the kid he saved is really alright and Botan offers to let him see for himself. That offer produces Yusuke's first, genuine smile.
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They fly to the hospital where a doctor is in the process of giving the kid a clean bill of health, his mother crying with relief. 
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That's enough for Yusuke. “Alright, Botan, I’ve got no regrets, so you can take me to hell or wherever it is I’m going.”
That tells you all you need to know about Yusuke's self-worth, despite his bad boy attitude. His life is a dead-end as far as he can see and most of those around him haven't done anything to dissuade him of that idea. He says he doesn't care if the kid lives or dies, but then instinctively saves him. Post his death, Yusuke doesn't have anything he considers a regret, or anything he'd like to do before he leaves, like saying goodbye to a loved one. Oh, he's also pretty sure he's going to hell and has resigned himself to that without a fight.
Uplifting!
Botan just laughs though, saying that she's actually here to offer Yusuke an "ordeal" that could bring him back to life. See, he wasn't supposed to die today — let alone die saving a kid — and frankly they don't know what to do with him. It's another neat summary of what we've already learned: Yusuke is a far more complicated case than the afterlife assumed and now, when push comes to shove, deciding whether he belongs in heaven or hell is... muddled.
There's a fantastic story there about the problems with an afterlife that reduces a person's entire life to a few surface characteristics recorded in a book, refusing to acknowledge the context of their situation, or their capacity for change. “Run someone with your credentials a thousand times and they never would have saved a kid like that." Except, of course, Yusuke did save him, so those "credentials" are suspect, to say the least. However, YYH is not a story that explores these issues. Instead, I recommend you watch this!
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Rather than being upset at the afterlife's low opinion of him (because let's be real, Yusuke shares it), he latches onto a little detail Botan let slip. If he wasn't supposed to die today... then was the kid?
Mmm... no. Actually, without the chaos of Yusuke jumping into the road, the driver would have swerved at the last second and the kid would have not only lived, but actually come out with one less scrape.
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So Yusuke is obviously upset by this news! I would be too!! Holy shit, hang onto the "it's the thought that counts" message with everything you've got.
Also, don't think too much about the fact that the afterlife apparently knows exactly what will happen to people, down to how many cuts they accumulate in an accident. Also, don't think too much about where the afterlife foreseeing the crash begins and the unexpectedness of Yusuke interfering ends. That way lies madness. This will never come up again, so just let it go.
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Sorry, 2013 me hijacked the post for a second.
As said, Yusuke is understandably upset by this revelation and as he fumes I'm reminded that this series likes to pull some amazing expressions.
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Botan reiterates that it's all fine because Yusuke can come back to life. Weren't you listening? He should feel honored, in fact, considering that an offer like this only arrives every 100 years or so. Well, that explains why all of humanity isn't grappling with people coming back to life on the daily. One person every generation isn't going to cause much of a stir.
However, instead of jumping at the chance Yusuke announces that Botan is just like the teachers at school: she doesn't know what she's talking about. “You said yourself my life was kind of pathetic, right?” he says, going on to explain that everyone will be happier now that he's dead. His school won't have to deal with his behavior, Keiko won't have to nag him, and his mom will be able to party whenever she wants. It's a win-win for everyone involved. 
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Hmm, this feels familiar. 
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Don't worry, Yusuke doesn't need to experience a whole alternate reality to get the message.
“I’m sorry you feel that way at such an early age," Botan says and she is sorry, because despite her teasing nature that's a legitimately horrifying thing to believe. Yusuke won't budge though and after a little back-and-forth Botan leaves, telling Yusuke he should think it over while visiting his wake. She'll come back once he decides what to do.
“Do you have worms in your ears, lady? I did decide!” but Botan is long gone.
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We cut to that night where Yusuke has indeed decided to attend his own wake. Maybe because of Botan's advice, maybe because he's just morbidly curious. We’re not given insight into the decision. 
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Atsuko is a mess, to put it mildly, not dressed for the occasion and sitting slumped against the way, staring vacantly as the guests offer their condolences. Yusuke is surprised by the fact that his entire class is here, but quickly writes them off when he sees two of the boys laughing. I'm on the fence about this detail, which I'll unpack in just a second.
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First though, Yusuke sees Keiko exiting the house, inconsolable in her grief. She collapses on the ground with her two friends trying to offer comfort, despite the fact that they had nothing good to say about Yusuke himself. Good on them.
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Before he can think too long on this though, Yusuke is distracted by Kuwabara's arrival. Unlike Keiko's crying, he expresses his grief through yelling. Specifically, yelling at Yusuke. For dying. For daring to "run away." His own friends are physically holding him back as he charges into the wake, screaming, “Who am I gonna fight now, huh? Who am I gonna fight?" It's not really about the fighting, of course. At least, not the fighting alone. "You’re supposed to be here for me," Kuwabara finishes, the punch he's thrown at Yusuke's photo going limp and catching his first tear.
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You know, for all the  goofy expressions, this show really is gorgeous. Just wait until we get to the fight animations.
Kuwabara's reaction is why I hesitate to write off the classmates like Yusuke has. Granted, we have no reason to believe that they care for him as Kuwabara does — they're nameless background characters defined only by their terror of "the great Urameshi" — but it's still a split second taken out of context. We don't know what they were laughing at, or if laughing is a part of their grief. God knows I personally laugh at the most inappropriate moments. If you tell me someone has just died there is a very good chance I will laugh awkwardly as I try to process that. It’s just a reflex. All of which I bring up not because these side characters are important, but because Yusuke's perception of his own worth is. The point of each of these moments is to show that those around him have always cared for him, even if Yusuke didn't notice. It's nice to think that extends to his classmates too. The variety likewise exists to show us how people grieve differently, with Kuwabara's friends not understanding that this is how he's working through the trauma: “This place is for mourning!” He is mourning, even if his way of mourning isn't as socially acceptable as Keiko's. So if screaming and throwing punches is valid, crying is valid, staring stoically in a drunk stupor is valid... why not laughter too?
Not likely, perhaps, but possible.
As an additional possibility to chew on, watching this premier again, it struck me how more emotional Kuwabara's scene is compared to Keiko's. Don't get me wrong, crying and calling Yusuke’s name gets the point across, but it's two seconds of generic grief compared to a much longer scene rife with intensity. When Kuwabara arrives the music swells and everyone is forced to pay attention to him. His grief is loud, violent, and given symbolism with his fist and the photo. There's more effort put into his reaction, frankly, so it wouldn't surprise me if fans started shipping them after this. That grief combined with an "enemies to lovers" possibility is a pretty potent mix. To be clear, Yusuke/Keiko is the (oh so obvious) canonical endgame and in the fandom Yusuke/Kuwabara can't compare to another slash ship that will turn up later, but this is a good example of how writers can craft some Very Gay Scenes without realizing it. When you have the girl crying prettily for a second and the guy absolutely losing his mind over Yusuke's death, questioning his purpose now, his support network, and then collapsing in grief... don't be surprised if your audience goes, "Oh hey, maybe they'd be a good couple instead."
But I digress.
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The only people who are unquestioningly happy about Yusuke's passing are Mr. Iwamoto and his co-conspirator, Mr. Akashi. You know Akashi is another bad guy because he has bucked teeth and "ugliness" is an easy way to code for evilness. YYH is not immune to those mistakes :/
These two are really something else though, standing in the middle of a wake and claiming it's “too bad that car wasn’t big enough for them too," referring to Kuwabara and his friends. Wow! What stellar members of the academic community. Iwamoto goes on to say that Yusuke dying at least accomplished something good. Not, mind you, saving the life of a child, but rather looking good for their school's reputation. Akashi agrees, but says it's likely Yusuke only accidentally saved him while trying to steal the kid's lunch money. Remember, that accusation of theft is the one thing Yusuke has said outright that he does not do.
He's pissed listening to all this — wouldn't you be? — but knows by now he can't do anything about it. In another fantastic shot, Yusuke hovers his hand over Iwamoto's shoulder, desperate to grab him, when Takenaka's arrives there instead.
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“What do you suppose is more disgraceful? That boy showing his misery, or your insensitive and idiotic words!”
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HELL YEAH. You tell 'em, Mr. Takenaka.
Yusuke gets his third shock of the night at this passionate defense. Takenaka leaves the teachers to go pay his respects, but admits to Yusuke's picture that he just can't speak well of him. He was surprised to hear that Yusuke gave up his life for another and it's a fact that he acted selfishly. Though he doesn't say it in as many words, Takenaka explains that he's not grieving because Yusuke was a good person, but because it's so clear to him that he might have been. “Why didn’t you stay? You could have made something great out of yourself.”
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Normally, "Why didn't you stay?" is just something for the living to grapple with, as the dead obviously don't have any say in what happens to them. But Yusuke does. It's here that the lighting grows soft again and Yusuke considers Takenaka's words. Keiko and Kuwabara grieve for who he was, but Takenaka grieves for who Yusuke could have been — someone that might still exist if Yusuke decides to undergo this ordeal.
Atsuko adds fuel to the emotional fire, breaking down and hiding her face in her knees.
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Finally, the kid Yusuke saved arrives with his mother. Because yes, Yusuke saved him in every way that matters, considering no one else knows — or will know — that he'd have lived anyway. I like that the show doesn't allow that knowledge to undermine the emotion of their arrival, or what Yusuke’s act meant to them. 
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The mom tells her son to pay his respects and the kid thanks Yusuke for saving him, and for "making faces." He clearly doesn't get what's going on here. This is confirmed as the two leave and he asks his mom if he can play with Yusuke again tomorrow. “I know some people sounded angry at him, but he’s really nice!" 
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They're probably just crying because they want to play with him too, he thinks, which just makes his mom join in. Everyone is crying in this club tonight.
Those words are the cincher for Yusuke and with a brief montage of all the grief he's witnessed, he makes his decision.
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We cut to later that night where Yusuke floats above the city, admiring the moon. Botan reappears and he asks, “Have you ever not known about something that seemed obvious to everyone else?” Yes, everyone has experienced that at one point or another. She asks if he's made his decision and Yusuke agrees to try and come back to life.
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Emotional revelations out of the way, we're allowed another tone shift as Botan yells with joy, speeding off and causing Yusuke to grab hold of the end of her oar, lest he be left behind. Cranky as always, he demands to know where they're going. "To the spirit world, of course!" They're off to see someone who can explain the ordeal and give Yusuke the tool needed to complete it. Just hang on and enjoy the ride.
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Thus ends our very first episode! Ah, the nostalgia. This is part one of a four arc series, with the anime cutting out a lot of the filler stories found at the start of the manga — a smart decision, I think. They primarily do the work of teaching Yusuke what he learned at the wake, so if you can accomplish that as quickly as the adaptation did, all the better. Especially since Yusuke needs to grow a great deal beyond the basic understanding that people might, sort of care for him, and that work will occur primarily through a job he's going to take on. The series isn't really about his death and it's not about an attempt to come back either — it's about what happens once you get that second chance. So this is the setup, but it's important setup all the same.
No need to skip ahead though. I've blathered enough for one recap. I hope you enjoyed and I'll see you when the writing gods next bless me with energy! 💜
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augmented-beauty · 4 years
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63. “Its because I love you that I’ll go through that all over again.” 🥺
Holy fuck, that felt good. Almost teared up because Adam is just too precious and pure. Cheated a bit, but here we go. Word count: 1058. Y’all can also find this on AO3. More under the cut because I don’t wanna make a mess (yeah well, RIP mobile users).
One year ago, right on this day, Adam was back into my life. For months I lived believing he was gone, but there was this doubt in the back of my head. They didn’t find his body, maybe he’s still alive somewhere, I kept telling myself during some dark days. I couldn’t find an explanation to his silence though, I kept asking myself why he didn’t contact us. But then, exactly one year ago, I had my answers. Yet, they made my heart ache. I fully realised in what sort of hell he had to walk through for so much time. After the attack at Sarif industries, everything started to go wrong. For something like two years, he knew no peace. I don’t know the details of all of this, and I don’t think I really want to know them. Sure, I still have so many questions, but getting an answer would be harmful to Adam, he would need to remember things that he sure as hell doesn’t want to remember. That’s not what I want, he matters more than that. Still, my thoughts are running wild, my empathy is killing me. Knowing that I have all the ingredients, I decide to bake a chocolate cake to try and keep myself distracted. I get everything that I need and get to work, while Adam is relaxing a bit in my living room. My mind won’t shut the fuck up though, I’m being slow with it. Actually, I can’t focus on baking properly, but I still want to try to. I’m still breaking the chocolate bar when Adam speaks up, startling me. I didn’t notice him getting up from the sofa, and I wasn’t expecting his voice to feel so close to me. 
“You’ve been deadly silent, brows slightly furrowed, worried eyes, no music while baking…what’s wrong?”
I sigh in defeat and ignore the chocolate completely. I lean against the sink behind me and cross my arms, fidgeting with the sleeve of my shirt. “It’s today’s date. It’s not bad per se, that’s when I saw you again in Detroit after a long, exhausting year, but…I don’t know, it brings some bad thoughts anyway. I can’t help but think about the hell you went through, about how much things have changed all of a sudden. It’s heartbreaking to know you went through all that alone, and I don’t even know all the details about it. And I don’t want to, you suffered enough.” I take a deep breath before speaking up again. “And the way it changed you…I mean, not in your core, you’re still the Adam I got to know almost nine years ago. But you have trust issues that weren’t so strong once, and you hide your true, amazing self even more than in the past. Don’t get me wrong, it’s understandable, especially after all that happened to you, but it’s still sad to see how your perspective changed and knowing why it happened.” I shake my head, amazed by my own foolishness. “You know what? Don’t mind me, my brain is being a bit noisy, that’s all. I shouldn’t have brought that topic up in the first place.”
I try to go back to what I was doing, but Adam stops me so gently it makes my stomach go upside down. He grabs me by the waist to guide me slightly far away from the counter, making sure he has all my attention. “It’s ok, you didn’t mess up, I get what you’re trying to say. You’re worried for me because you wish only the best for me.” his hand goes to my right cheek to have me looking at him in the eye. I can only accept his delicate guidance and lean even more into his touch. “You’re right, my trust issues have gotten worse, I’ve become more selective, and I take my time. I’ll be fine though, I won’t pass the limit, I promise.” Not really trusting my own voice, I nod, letting the touch of his hand soothe me when I’m done. Adam seems to be thinking about the right words to say now, and I patiently wait for him to speak up again. “It’s true, my recent past wasn’t enjoyable, but don’t be afraid to ask about it if you want to. I’m ready for it because you’re by my side now Maribel. Your love and constant support have made it less hard to live with those memories. Many things have changed for the worst, but that change right here is definitely not one of them. I couldn’t have asked for anything better than having you in my life like this. So, don’t be sad for me, there’s no reason to, I’m out of that hell as long as I have you.”
I’m speechless. I don’t even know how I manage not to tear up: I’m moved, I’m saddened by bad memories…I’m so many things all together. As always, Adam senses my struggle and just pulls me into his arms, holding me tight against his chest. His soft lips kiss my forehead as I let the sound of his heartbeat calm me down along with the sweet physical contact. It’s just pure silence for a while, but then I feel his words vibrating through his chest. “I’d rather not to because it would mean you’re not safe, but it’s because I love you that I’d go through that all over again.” This time, I can’t help some tears from escaping. His words are so heartfelt that I can’t help it but be so moved, feel so loved. He’s quicker than me to gently wipe them away. “And it would be way more worth it than the first time, too.” he adds, making me giggle between sniffles and successfully lighting up the mood. Adam keeps wiping away my tears until they don’t stop flowing, which doesn’t take too much to happen, as he’s so good at making me feel better. “Want me to help you with that cake? Promise I won’t make a mess.” he asks, still not letting go of me.
I excitedly nod, genuinely happy with the idea. Before getting out of his embrace completely, I reach out for a slow, deep and sweet kiss, running my hand through his soft, perfect hair. Chocolate cake is good, but it can wait a minute.
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homenum-revelio-hq · 3 years
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Welcome (again) to the Order of the Phoenix, Beth!
You have been accepted for the non-biography character of KIRAN NIRAULA with the facelaim of Amita Suman! We absolutely adored your application, Beth! Kiran is awesome and we love the idea of seeing a new perspective on the dash - someone who isn’t here to fight, but has to rely on the Order for survival. We’re really glad someone has decided to play around with the refugee camp in a new way. 
Please take a look at the new member checklist and send in your account within 24 hours! Thank you for joining the fight against Voldemort!
OUT OF CHARACTER:
NAME & PRONOUNS: Beth (She/Her)
AGE: 25
TIMEZONE: CST
ACTIVITY LEVEL: Continuing about where I have been. I try to hop on for replies at least twice a week, even if it’s just a hanful at a time.
ANYTHING ELSE: I’m back on my bullshit, and it’s Nicky’s fault for condoning it. Remember when I made the “haha what if” joke about a secondary character who was a refugee? Yeah, that morphed into this.
CHARACTER DETAILS:
NAME: Kiran Niraula
AGE: 20 (Born October 16, 1961), sorted 1973
GENDER, PRONOUNS, and SEXUALITY: Cis-female (She/Her). She hasn’t though much about her sexuality, but liking women doesn’t give her any pause. She’s the rare well-adjusted bi not questioning anything and just content to let it be.
BLOOD STATUS: Muggleborn
HOUSE ALUMNI: Hufflepuff
CHARACTER BACKGROUND:
PERSONALITY:
When Kiran has set her mind to something, changing it won’t happen easily. She’s very set on facts and observations, and she has a tendency to tune out arguments if they feel half-formed or based more on emotion than evidence. Even to herself, she does this, often taking an emotional gut reaction and thinking about it until she has a logical conclusion to back it up. This will undoubtedly lead to a lot of conflict with Order members, especially those who find it cowardly to do anything but turn and face the fight head on. Kiran isn’t using emotional indicators like bravery and moral high ground as proof of what is right or what she should be doing. She’s looking at the facts of the situation as she sees them. The nobility of the Order’s cause means very little to her in the face of the all-too-visible risks with her family
That said, Kiran is not the kind of person who can idly sit by alone and observe. She’s a doer in the strongest sense and loves to get her hands on a problem, especially problems related to organization and complex tasks. After about a month of trying to keep to herself, Kiran is going a bit stir-crazy and will jump into whatever she’ll be allowed to touch. It will probably mean butting heads and struggling not to get too involved, but even if she doesn’t intend to stick around, she can still solve some problems along the way.
This is the same attitude that has made her great at detail-oriented charms. She likes complex spells and problems, as well as looking at the way magic builds to create layers. Her apprenticeship as a Snitch-maker (more below) fit well within those challenges that she liked, and in the aftermath of not having it anymore, she’s taken to trying to find little ways to play with those ideas and charms. If someone else wanders around and finds a decorative winged horse statue has sudden begun to fly, Kiran was probably responsible.
BRIEF OVERVIEW OF FAMILY:
Kiran’s parents made the decision to immigrate to England when she was but an idea in their eye. In fact, her amma considered it a sign they’d made the right decision when she discovered less than a month after arriving that she’d been pregnant on the journey up to London. Of course, they had to scramble as a result. They hadn’t planned on a child so soon, but Anil and Rashma were resourceful and managed to get their feet under them before Kiran had any memories otherwise. They always intended to have more children, but a health scare for Rashma when Kiran was three left them unable to justify the risk of Rashma trying to carry more children. Kiran never felt like anything was lacking, though. She did go through a phase where she’d ask for a baby sibling and her parents would have to painfully tell her no, but it wasn’t a long phase and she wasn’t particularly heartbroken. After all, she was her parents’ lucky charm. She didn’t need siblings to share the attention with.
While the specifics surprised them, Anil and Rashma took it in stride when they were told their eleven-year-old possessed magic. They had long suspected she was special and not just to them. Kiran had done things most children couldn’t, and while they could usually rationalize it away, her parents were pleased to have an answer. They were less pleased to lose her to boarding school, but Kiran promised them then she’d never let magic come between her and them. She intended to keep it.
For a long time, she did. Kiran always came home for breaks, even when she had friends who invited her other places, and when she moved out after graduation, she found an apartment not far from her parents’ house. Her life was blossoming, but she never forgot about them. She never deprioritized her amma and abba.
Some things can’t be controlled, though. When Kiran lifted her phone incredibly early one morning—hungover from celebrations the night before—to hear her mother sobbing on the other end about how her father wouldn’t wake up, Kiran went cold. She got through the day completely numb, trying to be strong for her mother even when all she wanted to do was curl up under her father’s favorite blanket and cry. The coroner couldn’t definitively say it was a heart attack, but that was the best theory he had. At first, it was enough. Kiran had no reason to believe it could be anything else.
A few days later, Kiran learned her New Year’s news was not unique. The rumors were swirling, and even certain wixen publications were talking about it. Over a hundred muggles had died of mysterious cause, and the most likely culprit seemed to be, “You know, his group. The Death Eaters.”
It didn’t take long for Kiran to connect her abba to the other deaths. The timing was right, the cause of death was right, and her status as a muggleborn must be the reason. Officially the muggles were just random muggles, but Kiran couldn’t believe that. Her father couldn’t have been randomly chosen, could he? It must be related to her. Somehow it was because of her. Kiran grew paranoid as she wondered how long it would take before her mother was next.
The easiest answer, of course, was to convince her amma to leave the country. She could return to Nepal, go visit Spain, or find another English-speaking country if she wanted to put the language she’d spent twenty years perfecting to use. Rashma refused. “My country is here,” she insisted. “You are here. I’m not leaving the only family I have left.” That settled it then. If her amma wouldn’t leave without her, Kiran had to go too, but when she suggested such a thing, Kiran was shut down. If she was going to leave, she’d have to be sneaky about it. And although it pained her to do it, Kiran started putting distance between herself and her mother. It was a terrible time to do it after Anil’s passing, but Kiran didn’t want to do anything that further put her mother at risk. That meant staying away.
It was almost two months later that she heard whispers that the phoenix group, who she’d only ever heard brought up quietly to gossip about, might be able to help her. They had a group working to provide protection for muggleborns who needed shielding from this fight, who hadn’t done anything but exist to bring war to their doors. Not only that, but while providing that protection, they made arrangements for those muggleborns to leave. Here was a group who could help Kiran disappear and hopefully be untraced. Once she was gone and sent for her mother, Rashma would have no choice but to move to wherever that was by her own logic. When Kiran was her only family, Rashma would follow.
OCCUPATION: Currently unemployed, Previously a metal-charmer
Charms had always been Kiran’s best subject in school. It wasn’t surprising to her when her NEWTS led a London-based Snitch-maker to reach out to Kiran with an apprenticeship offer. She’d been a fan of Quidditch in school and was fascinated by the idea of having a part in the game behind the scenes. She wasn’t allowed to start immediately, of course. She had to observe, study further, and practice her spellwork. Shortly before her father died, Kiran had been allowed after almost a year and half of studying to begin charming toy snitches intended for children. The parameters were smaller, the magic less complex. If she had stayed for another year, she would have moved on to the real thing.
Instead she’s stuck at McKinnon Farm. Stuck is an unfair term when it’s a position Kiran chose, but it still frustrates her that getting away has meant giving up the opportunity of a life time.
ROLE WITHIN THE ORDER/THOUGHTS ABOUT THE ORDER:
Kiran is not in the Order. She has no current plans to join the Order. She needs them. It’s thanks to the Order that Kiran is now hiding with other Task Force refugees at the McKinnon Farm awaiting somewhere else to go. She sympathizes with their cause and does, on some level, understand why some aren’t happy about her existence. Some seem to be under the delusion that because she is a muggleborn and therefore a perfect Death Eater target, Kiran should want to pick up her wand and go charging head first into battle. Those people can get smacked with a stinging jinx for all she cares.
It is not Kiran’s fault that her parents are muggles. It’s not her fault that some crazy lunatic managed to weaponize the discrimination rampant in wixen society. It is also not her fault that such discrimination exists in the first place. She commends those fighting to try and fix it, but her blood status is not a conscription notice.
Kiran plans to keep the Order’s secrets and carry them with her tucked tightly to her chest, but her plans have never included fighting some crazy war, especially if fighting it means continuing to increase the risk she’s putting her mother through. She couldn’t even get Rashma to believe that Anil’s death could have been caused by that world of her daughter’s that she didn’t fully understand. Rashma thought she was grasping at straws. No, fighting a war she had no business in would be grasping at straws. It would also light on fire the barn her mother was in. Kiran couldn’t do that, not to her mother and honestly not even to herself.
She can see the validity of their ideals and could, if the circumstances changed, potentially be swayed to their side. She does hope they succeed. She just isn’t in a place where she feels like it’s her fight to have or her duty to fight it.
SURVIVAL:
Kiran came to the Order for survival—her own and her mother’s. She looked at them as a savior of sorts when she first came under their protection, but Kiran has grown a bit disillusioned in the time since. First, her doubt grew because she has been there longer than she’d expected. She knew it took time to get someone out of the country, but she hadn’t expected it to take more than a few weeks. As the weeks stretch on, though, she has begun to wonder when it would actually happen. Second, Kiran is just close enough to the goings-on that she can see some of the cracks starting to form. She vaguely knew of James Potter but didn’t know him, so hearing people talking about his death (which she hadn’t been around for) left her unsettled, especially when it seemed like none of them knew how to respond to a betrayal in their midst. With all the chaos going on now, I can only imagine how that trust will further shift, but it’s still more important to Kiran that she find a way to keep her mother safe. The Order still feels like the best way to make that happen.
Thinking about a more mental health focused definition of survival, Kiran is struggling to keep herself fully put together without a structured schedule and something she can actively be working toward. She’s trying to keep herself motivated by problem-solving on her own with puzzles and trying to continue her metal-charming work. She’s also found some little projects around the farm to help out with, although the McKinnons might not always be happy about it when she doesn’t ask first. Regardless, she has to keep busy. That’s the only way she’s going to stay sane.
RELATIONSHIPS:
Overall, Kiran can come across as stand-offish. She isn’t particularly close to anyone in the Order. She sees faces that are vaguely familiar from school, but she didn’t pay much attention to anything that wasn’t in her immediate bubble, which meant Hufflepuff and specifically her year. A lot of her friendships were based on academics or faith, in the case of the few other Muslim students she knew, so if someone wasn’t playing wizarding chess in the badgers’ common room or fit the other criteria, she didn’t pay attention. As a result, she feels like she can keep herself apart from Order members fairly easily. She’s there to get out, not to get friends.
Still, despite not ever having a lot of friends, she is a social person. She needs the stimulation of interaction and has been going crazy trying to keep to herself on the farm. She’s definitely going to start reaching out more, theoretically out of boredom, but more because she craves having those connections again. She’d like to believe she could make them easily, but there are several people she hasn’t necessarily gotten off to the right start with.
Marlene McKinnon: Kiran knows Marlene thinks she and the others being assisted by the task force are a burden. She knows Marlene is frustrated by them eating the McKinnon’s food and taking up space in their house. It probably doesn’t help that Kiran occasionally gets urges to do things like reorganize the library to a system that makes more sense or try to mend a broken gate that’s bothering her and is apparently supposed to stay that way because it’s always been that way. Kiran has a lot of strong opinions, and while she knows it is Marlene and her family’s home, Kiran doesn’t plan to just sit idly by when she can see things that need fixing. Eventually that might prove to be true about the task force itself.
Efa Chittock: Kiran never paid attention to Efa in school. Sure, she heard the gossip of a half-veela like everyone else, but when she was a Slytherin not in Efa’s year, what was the point of paying attention? Now, though Kiran is strangely fascinated by her in a way not unlike how her old muggle friends were fascinated by supermodels. As far as Kiran is concerned, she has that effortless beauty and sex appeal from her heritage that are just unfair compared to the average wix. She wishes she could just smile at someone and have them falling at her feet the way she’s heard a half-veela can.
Mary MacDonald: Some people aren’t meant to get along. As far as Kiran is concerned, she and Mary are in that category. Being told they are just another muggleborn coward will give someone that opinion. Of course, Kiran dished back, snapping about how being muggleborn didn’t mean she should have to fight and that just because Mary felt comfort fighting for the Order didn’t mean that anyone else was lesser for not risking their lives. She didn’t give details, and the two devolved rather quickly into a less coherent spat of insults. Ever since, Kiran has been going out of her way to avoid Mary, but she’s not afraid to go for the throat should the occasion come up.
OOC EXPLORATION:
SHIPS/ANTI-SHIPS: The only true ship is chemistry. That said… I made a joke at Nicky about Alaric being one more reason for Marlene to not like Kiran. If someone did pick up Alaric and want to play with it, I’m open to a lot of things, whether that’s casual flirting, friendship that looks like more from the outside, casual sex buddies, a budding romance… or nothing at all. That’s also cool. It’s just something that could be interesting to play with if the chemistry is right since they’re locationally connected.
WHAT PRIVILEGES AND BIASES DOES YOUR CHARACTER HAVE?
Kiran would consider it a privilege to have grown up with her faith, her family, and her muggle education. Some of the things she’d heard out of pureblood mouths have proved that crazy fact she can’t fathom that they know nothing of science. Coupled with that, the fact that some of them can count feels like a miracle. She’s relied on some of that base foundation she had from muggle schooling, and even if it meant she hadn’t come in knowing some of the theory that a few of them did, she still had the background to problem solve and determine the important bits. The scientific method has been invaluable to her charms work, even if her boss hadn’t ever called it that.
Those feelings about blood status can blind her sometimes, though. Kiran can be quick to dismiss someone else’s experiences without realizing the nuance of all situations. That said, she’s fine letting halfbloods and purebloods fight “on her behalf” in the Order. She appreciates people with—in her eyes—less to lose fighting the fight. She doesn’t necessarily see the layers to it the way others might be able to, but she isn’t looking for them. Kiran feels like she knows, and that confidence has created dark spots in her vision.
One place she doesn’t even begin to apply logic, though, is the existence of half-breeds. The very idea of them made her uncomfortable when she first found out they existed, hearing about the half-veela first year and not understanding what that meant. The image of creatures and other beings combining with humans had blown her mind and not in a way that was comfortable to think about. She’s mostly over that, but the idea still confuses her, especially when the combination is one that receives whispers of odd and creepy and other. Some half-breeds are exotic to her, like half-veelas while others still just weird her out. She’s confused and frightened by werewolves, will avoid half-goblins, and still doesn’t understand the logistics of how a half-giant exists and is working at Hogwarts. She won’t be cruel about interacting with half-breeds, but she won’t necessarily be kind either.
WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO? I’m trapped and can’t get out. No, I’m absolutely kidding. I love all of you. You’re such a talented bunch of writers and a wonderful group of people. I’m excited about the opportunity to wiggle someone new into the mix.
PLOT DROP IDEAS: I would like to eventually explore Kiran joining the Order. That is the end goal of making her a primary and not a secondary character, even though she currently intends to leave. Because of that, I’m going to need plotting with other characters to help challenge where she is and explore her possibilities. As far as specific plot drops go, I don’t have anything, although it could be interesting to have a situation where she ends up getting sucked in without meaning to. Also, while I want to fully explore the “before joining” part that’s depicted in her app here, it will mean she runs a strong risk of being location-locked until she changes her mind.
ANYTHING ELSE? 
Headcanon about religion: Kiran was raised in a Muslim household, and since the Muslim community is a minority in Nepal, it wasn’t a hard transition for her parents when they moved the family to England. Kiran’s time in Hogwarts did loosen her adherence to certain practices, but she still considers herself Muslim and follows general practice. She tried to pray at least once or twice a day, usually catching the prayer at sunset and the last prayer of the day, although she is not strict about performing all five prayers each day. She also hasn’t really attended a mosque regularly in years, first because she couldn’t while at school and then because she was content in practicing on her own. That’s come in handy now that she’s at the farm full time because she didn’t have to get used to not having access to her religious community. She does her best to follow halal food practices, so because she has to assume none of the meat in the McKinnon kitchen followed halal preparation, she has mostly turned vegetarian in her time since arriving. She often would order vegetarian items before when out to eat anyway, so while she misses having meat in her diet, it hasn’t been a complete shock to get rid of it, at least for a short time.
Note to any current or future players: I’m dependent on research and fact-checked prior knowledge in depicting Kiran’s religious attitudes. If I ever misstep, please let me know to be able to correct it.
EXTRA FOR NON-BIO CHARACTERS:
PAST: While the specifics may have surprised them, Kiran’s muggle parents took it in stride when they were told their eleven-year-old possessed magic. They had long suspected she was special and not just to them. They proudly watched her from afar as she excelled at Hogwarts, especially in Charms. Kiran didn’t necessarily have a lot of friends, but hey, she had enough to get by and generally tried to stay in her lane unless there was a problem she could solve. As she grew, she stayed family-oriented and prided herself on the kind of hard work and loyalty Hufflepuffs are known for. Upon graduation she became an apprentice Snitch-maker. Metal-charming fascinated Kiran and played to her strengths perfectly. She excelled in her apprenticeship as she took in each new skill like a puzzle to solve. Kiran was completely in control of her life. Some things, though, cannot be controlled.
PRESENT: When Kiran lifted her phone incredibly early one morning—hungover from New Year’s Eve celebrations the night before—to hear her mother sobbing on the other end about how her father wouldn’t wake up, Kiran went cold. It was only later that she realized he’d been part of a random attack on muggles by Death Eaters, one of the one hundred and two people who lost their lives in the orb attack. Desperate to save her mother from a threat the woman refused to believe existed, Kiran turned to the Order’s Dissendium Task Force for protection and to help her get out of the country quietly in hopes that her mother would follow. It’s been a long, slow month since she arrived, and although she originally had no interest in the Order itself, Kiran can’t help being drawn to its problems and its members. She is a problem-solver, after all. She’s stuck at the McKinnon Farm, and with nothing else to do, Kiran intends to make herself useful. She’ll go crazy otherwise.
FC CHOICES: Amita Suman (first choice), Banita Sandhu, Anya Chalota
***Quote note: If Banita or Anya are chosen, reference to Nepal should change to India.
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magpiemorality · 4 years
Text
On the fourth day of Christmas
Virgil, Logan, Roman & Patton, The First Christmas
Four Collie Birds
An-Virgil was sat in his room on the floor, scrolling through his tumblr. The door was open, and through it he could hear the sounds of voices in the distant living room, and smell all sorts of delicious things baking.
The voices were Logan and Roman, currently arguing over who was right about the lyrics of a particular Christmas song. They'd been going round and round for a good twenty minutes already, and Virgil was surprised that Patton hadn't beaten them both around the head with a wooden spoon, honestly. There were only so many times you could hear the exact same argument made, only getting progressively louder, before it drove you to violence. Probably. Virgil didn't really know? He'd never been in a living situation where you had friendly housemates that held arguments with each other that didn't swiftly devolve into battles to the death; genuinely cruel and personal snipes; or one or more people involved leaving and refusing to talk to the other again.
It was a novel experience, hence the open door.
Patton's perky voice interjected briefly, and Virgil's ears pricked up curiously, but there was just a moment's silence from the other two and then they were protesting whatever he said, and returning to their disagreement. Patton must have decided he'd contributed plenty and returned to baking, but if the sudden loud clanging of utensils and subsequent turning on of the electric mixer was any indication; he was finally getting a little tired of the situation.
Virgil looked down at his phone, and glanced away when he realised he hadn't even been taking in anything he'd scrolled through while he'd been eavesdropping. Too busy being a nosy parker. What would they think if they knew? He was on shaky ground as it was, but if any of the other three came by- not that they would honestly Virgil why would you even think that it's ridiculous- but if they did then they'd probably yell at him for listening in! Or even just for not participating! Patton took social time very seriously, maybe he would think- maybe he already thought Virgil was being rude by staying in his room while they were all downstairs and on Christmas Eve no less-
Fourseveneight. Four, seven, eight. Four. Seven. Eight. Four. Seven. Eight. There we go.
He sat up and back against his bed frame. It must be nice to be so sure of the world and your place in it that thoughts like that didn't come buzzing in any time they pleased. It must be nice being confident in your role and relationships and not questioning everything to the point of physically being affected on a regular basis. He wanted that, for Thomas and for himself, and yet in moments like these- despite all the progress they'd just made when they came to retrieve him from his self-imposed exile- Virgil secretly wondered if it was ever on the cards. Sure that was the point, right? In accepting anxiety? Accepting him as part of Thomas? But accepting didn't mean giving in to, and Virgil knew the others had to wonder at what stage acceptance would turn into action and working on steadily removing him bit by bit.
Strangely, the thought didn't even make him anxious in itself. It was oddly soothing, because it was the worst case scenario, so it was literally what his brain wanted him to think about at all times. And there was a security in 'knowing' what would happen. It was just a shame.
Because he was kind of enjoying the voices and the smells and the smiles and the friendship and Thomas greeting him instead of recoiling from him. And it was Christmas, so for once Virgil allowed himself a moment to imagine a scenario where he never quite got better, but that was okay. It looked a little something like; Patton, smiling and giving him a squeeze of the hand as he walked by to the kitchen to make four mugs of coffee instead of three. Logan, sitting and rambling through various details about space and the stars when Virgil went to him voluntarily during a more panicked moment. Roman, dragging him along and not taking no for an answer onto an adventure in the imagination, where they were both heroes, saving innocents from harm in their own ways...
From his spot on the floor Virgil smiled at the thought, blinking back to reality when he realised the noise had stopped.
He looked up just as Logan knocked on the already open door, and they stared at each other for a moment before Logan cleared his throat. "Patton is nearly ready to take the gingerbread out, and we can start decorating. Are you- I mean we never really invited you, I apologise for that, but are you coming to join us?"
"Um," ohgodohgodwhatshouldhesay. "I-"
"If you'd prefer not to, that is also acceptable. Patton would understand, we all would."
Normally Virgil would have taken that badly. It was easy to misinterpret as Logan offering him an out and secretly hoping he'd take it, because they didn't really want him there... but after his nice daydream and seeing the genuine warmth on Logan's face, Virgil cut himself some slack and shook his head. "Actually I'd, I'd really like that."
"Oh good!" Logan perked up, and Virgil's little emo heart ached a little to see the reaction. "Patton will be delighted. And Roman is in a bit of a- well he's a Christmas fan, I'm sure you're aware, so he's a bit exuberant, you have been warned."
It made Virgil stifle a soft chuckle, and he stood up to join the other side. "Yeah I kinda heard. He's really stubborn about this, huh," he snorted. Logan wrinkled his nose.
"I wish he'd just see sense! It is quite well documented that the original line is-"
"Four collie birds, after blackbirds, yeah," Virgil interrupted, enjoying Logan's pleased surprise. "But I mean, I guess the whole point of songs like that is that they evolve. Like society, and the people singing. So maybe the more interesting fact about it isn't knowing the original line, but knowing-"
"Knowing the lines changed at all!" Logan finished along with him, shooting him a thoughtful look. "You know, Virgil, you're very insightful. I have several other linguistic factoids I would love to discuss if you wish? We can go through them while we decorate the cookies. Oh, and once Roman has been informed of your game-changing perspective, of course."
Virgil smiled shyly at him, and Logan smiled back. "Sounds good to me."
The door to his room stayed open all night, and he didn't return to it until late, when Patton ushered them all to bed so that Santa could visit.
The next day he was up before breakfast when Roman dragged him out because "it's CHRISTMAS!" And he couldn't have been happier to find himself on the couch for most of the day, smelling the cooking and hearing the voices from up close, but this time able to join in and enjoy every little extra thing about being around the other three that just wasn't the same from in his room.
It was the best Christmas ever.
12 Days of Sides-mas Masterpost
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