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gay-otlc · 3 years

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Keepers Of The Chaos (3)

Summary: Tam, Linh, Dex, Keefe, Biana, and Fitz are part of the tiny fandom for Keeper of the Chaos, and Tam and Linh’s podcast convinces some of their other friends to watch it as well. The group finds themselves strangely invested in this show, where students at Tumblr High School who work together to write about an elf named Sophia, cause incomprehensible chaos, and fight their rival Pinterest High School.

Content warnings: Cursing, religion (Jewish Vackers), and Amsterdam (just in case, I know that was stressful for some people).

Word count: 1621

Notes: Most of the episodes are just events stolen from Lynn's roundup, Dex's memes are here

(Read on AO3)

The life of an amateur meme maker on dumbles dot com was a strange one, that was for sure. After finishing xyr favorite show- Ze-Ra: Monaerchs of Powhir- for the third time, Dex had searched for another show to fill the void in xyr soul. Biana recommended this show called "Keepers of the Chaos" and described it to xem. Xe was doubtful at first, but after watching the first episode, xe was hooked.

Xe used to not have many friends at xyr school, so xe did what every neurodivergent queer teen would do- made an account on dumbles dot com. People seemed to like xem- or at least, they liked dizznee-plus's memes and edits of Ze-Ra characters. Even after Dex befriended xyr squish, Fitz, thons sister, Biana, and aer girlfriend, Sophie, xe continued making content on dumbles. Around that time, the Ze-Ra fandom started dying off, and xyr memes started getting fewer note

In a sudden, two am burst of inspiration, Dex made edits of some of xyr favorite characters, like Ref, Akki, and Rose, with their respective pride flags (all of them bi) over them, and captioned it "we must be gay." The post blew up, or at least, what could be considered blowing up in Keeper of the Chaos's tiny fandom, and that was how Dex found xyr calling as an amateur meme/edit maker for KOTC.

History had been repeating itself, with the KOTC fandom starting to die off, until it was revived by an announcement from creator Saturn Nolastname- a season two would be released soon. Frantically, Dex made a meme about season one episode two, with the car salesman meme. Xe edited "chaos keepers" onto the car salesman, "the rarelynoticed" on the car, and "this bad boy can fit so many stripper outfits into it."

That had been... an interesting episode, to say the least. The chaos keepers had been talking about the antagonists of "Sophie and the Dark Duck"- a rebel group called the Rarelynoticed. In the information packet they'd been given, it was confirmed that the Rarelynoticed wore black cloaks and armbands, but no other clothes had been mentioned. Somehow, the chaos keepers came to the conclusion that the Rarelynoticed really wore neon pink leotards and green stripper heels, then drew this idea.

Needless to say, the Tumblr staff did not let them write that into the book. Nor did Lynn, the unofficially chosen leader of the group. Unfortunately for her, this didn't stop the chaos keepers from drawing more of these- or the fandom from making a ton of memes. In addition to the car salesman meme, a post with Drake saying no to "wearing normal fucking villain outfits" and yes to "leotards and stripper heels" gained popularity within the small fandom.

Though nothing could match the absolute shock of seeing the Rarelynoticed stripper outfit for the first time, Dex decided to rewatch the episode anyway- it was funny to see the chaos keepers freak out, and maybe xe could get some good screen captures. The good Saturn Nolastname indulged xem, and xe captured an excellent scene of most of the chaos keepers either laughing or screaming at the Rarelynoticed stripper outfits, with Kimber- one of xyr favorites- sitting on the side, explaining to Juno and Kaitee why Bianca Cracker was bisexual.

Xe went over to dumbles, posted the picture, added an image description, and captioned it "Live photo of me not caring when my friends talk about sex/romance." Xe chuckled to xemself- this really was how it felt to be aroace. Xe tagged it as aromantic and asexual as well, since dumbles added flag colors. Smiling, xe went to go check xyr notifications.

Xyr jaw dropped when xe saw that @lordofthesnuggles- Fitzroy (Dex didn't know thons middle name) Vacker thonself had liked and reblogged all three of xyr memes, even adding compliments in the tags! Xe'd had a bit of a platonic crush on Fitz for... a really long time, but xe always felt too awkward to talk to thon, so it was nice to see that thon appreciated xyr humor.

Feeling energized- and excited to procrastinate on xyr math homework- Dex went to watch the next episode: Dark Duck Is Jewish Now. Being Jewish xemself, this was a really funny episode to xem.

Lynn had been writing a sort of spinoff- it would be called fanfiction, but it was for her own story- about some of the Dark Duck characters celebrating Christmas, and added a throwaway line about Bianca and Finn Cracker celebrating Hanukkah. Then, her fiance, Shai, had taken that idea and run with it, writing a list of ideas about what would happen if the Cracker family was Jewish. Hir friend Sam had jumped on the idea, and soon they had abandoned writing the actual Dark Duck in favor of writing a story about Jewish Dark Duck characters. Some of the other Jewish chaos keepers, like Ref and Cat, helped out.

To be honest, it kind of surprised Dex that no one had made a joke about the Jewish Crackers just being matzah, so xe supposed xe would have to be the first.

Xe posted that observation, quickly getting a like from Fitz- which made xem smile. After a few minutes, Dex posted another meme: Shai and Sam standing in front of a door with a sign that read "elves don't have religion," and them saying "This sign won't stop me, because I can't read!"

It was accurate.

While that episode was great for Jewish representation, and funny, the Banana Noir episode was just plain weird.

It focused less on the Dark Duck than most of the other episodes, and was more about the crazy interactions of the chaos keepers. The episode was named for Banana Noir, who was really Cat Noir, but in a banana suit. Banana Noir was the son of Mellie, who looked like a shark, and Nora, who had platonically married faer. The mothers tried to arrange a marriage between him and Akki, who loved the side characters of the Dark Duck series. However, Akki wanted to marry Amelia. After a lot of shit that basically no one understood, Banana Noir's attempts were thwarted, and Lynn officiated the wedding between Akki and Amelia.

Yeah, Dex had no idea what the fuck was going on either. Xe'd watched an episode of Twins of the Chaos and a youtube video by arsonpog analyzing the Banana Noir chronicles, as it had been dubbed by the chaos keepers, and both expert opinions seemed to agree that Saturn Nolastname and the rest of the writers had probably been on crack when they made that episode.

The next episode made slightly more sense, though it was a low bar. After taking a break from the "official" Dark Duck story, the chaos keepers began collectively writing a Cinderella story about the characters Sophia and Bianca. People weren't allowed to be queer in the official story, but the chaos keepers still wanted to have fun with their obviously gay characters.

Even to the viewers of the show, who only received secondhand information about the Dark Duck characters, knew there was no way any of them, let alone all of them, were allocishet. The exact identities weren't entirely clear- when Dex had made edits of the characters' official art and xyr headcanons for their pride flags, a few people had disagreed- but both the chaos keepers and the fandom knew that despite what Shannon said, Sophia and Bianca were in love, and their Cinderella story should have made it in to the official Dark Duck story.

While excerpts of the Cinderella story were quoted in the show, most of it was left unclear, so Biana had taken it upon aerself to write aer own version of it. Dex was expecting an update later that day, actually, or maybe the next. Ae wasn't always 100% reliable with aer update schedule. Still, Dex looked forward to when it eventually did come.

After the brief calmness from the Sophianca Cinderella episode, season one episode six, Amsterdam, exploded back into chaos. A few of the chaos keepers decided to discuss a fake scene in the book in which crazy shit went down, with the scene supposedly being located in Amsterdam. It had never been written and was never going to be, but everyone discussed it like it was real. Some of the highlights involved all the Dark Duck girls having swords (and the chaos keepers being gay for them), and a speedboat chase scene through the canals. Fitz had a popular theory that the chaos keepers would actually travel to Amsterdam in order to commemorate this crazy part of their lives. Almost as popular as that was a meme Dex made, with a man labeled "chaos keepers discussing amsterdam" and gesturing feverishly to a wall covered in papers and red string.

Of course, episode seven (Dark Duck Disney) was chaotic too. Everything was chaotic with this group, it was in the title. Shannon announced that the winning Dark Duck story would be adapted into a Disney movie. After past experience with terrible book to movie adaptations, the chaos keepers panicked. They panicked so much that it became major news within their school, which until then, had been largely ignoring the chaos keepers. Once the discussion about the movie settled down, they talked a lot about how in awe they were that their Dark Duck shenanigans were trending within the school.

But of course, none of that compared to the last episode of the season...

Dex changed xyr profile picture to include an ominous pair of teal eyes and sighed.

#tumblr kotlc fandom fandom #keepers of the chaos #shai types things #shai's writing #hehe like the ze-ra reference

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whateverthebeeswant · 3 years

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All the thoughts my little gay brain had while watching Wonder Woman 1984

- “Victory is not what you think” okay so this is the cliche line for this movie good to know

- Absolutely loving all the crowds of femme Amazon lesbians and their jock partners. What a fucking aesthetic

- I’m just saying if I was a fully grown warrior I’d be pissed at getting shown up by a pre-teen.

- They keep shooting the colors to show their progress but I’m pretty sure that they started with like 15 people and there are only 6ish colors. How tf do they know who is who

- This girl deserves to be lesbians with Diana. I mean she RADIATES disaster gay energy cmon

- Diana: The Original Simp Abuser

- Diana is surprisingly okay with her boyfriend taking over this dude’s body. Like this poor bastard is basically being roofied.

- Again, I do not understand the purpose of him being in this other man’s body if only for that ending scene.

- Fun fact: I am 90% sure that the building outside of Diana’s apartment is the Watergate Hotel, thus continuing this movie’s trend of shoving every possible 80s reference into a 2hr35min runtime (ik it was the 70s but whatever)

- Wow that’s a long movie

- It’s pretty heavily implied that they had sex. How did that work? Is it not awkward for you to fuck your boyfriend using another man’s body as a glorified dildo?

- Also I don’t imagine that Diana keeps condoms in her nightstand but they really should be using them because who knows where this poor dildo has been. This is the EIGHTIES for chrissakes. #wrapitbeforeyoutapitkids

- Diana’s offhand comment about making a cup invisible one time and losing it is the best part of this movie.

- Evil Arab Man (like I was making jokes to my friends about Wonder Woman killing Palestinian civilians but omfg)

- Also interesting that the area that this guy is referencing most definitely includes Israel

- Yeah sorry but this Barbara chick’s evil origin story is that she beats the shit out of a would-be rapist and is impolite to her friend? Like go be nice to him but by all means continue beating the shit out of creeps queen

- Evil Reagan— wait, that’s redundant

- While the Steve/Diana mortal/immortal demigod “all I’ve ever wished for is you” dynamic is nice, Destiel did it better

- “She flies now?” “She flies now.”

- When did she grab her armor? I’m pretty sure I don’t remember her having that when she first started flying

- Okay but how did the Monkey’s Paw bitch make Barbara into a cat person? Like he said that he can only take stuff from people that they already have. So it stands to reason that either a cat acquired sufficient sentience to wish for something or he drained a furry.

- I feel like I’m watching Cats (2019) after avoiding it for the past year.

- (Did they animate Kristen Wig’s butthole? I’m not going to put the effort into proving or disproving this, but the development team must have at least considered it at some point which is disturbing)

- No, actually this is going to give me nightmares. What the FUCK

- Yeah I’m pretty sure most people in other countries didn’t speak English well enough to understand this dude, especially among the working class people depicted. English rates aren’t that high in places like China/Korea/Russia etc. today.

- Pretty sure that one scene with the couple is referencing the Troubles (I’m 93% sure the wife said something about deporting Irish people) but they forgot to show Margaret Thatcher wishing for the death of every poor person, Irish person, and unionizer

- (Fun fact, kids: Margaret Thatcher’s grave and various statues/monuments qualify as gender neutral urinals)

- There are like. A lot of kids in this movie.

- So she runs into the dildo again and has a nice conversation. Does this guy realize what’s going on?

- No, seriously. Imagine waking up after a batshit apocalyptic event after having the shit beaten out of you multiple times either a) not remembering anything which is extremely suspicious or b) having memories of being roofied by some vigilante chick’s fridged male-wife. He’s gonna need some major therapy and possibly a back brace

- Pretty sure this movie was supposed to be released over the summer, which explains the 4th fireworks. The Christmas scene seems kinda tacked on by comparison ngl

- In conclusion: solid B- superhero blockbuster, could have used more lesbians

#ww84 #wonder woman #wonder women 1984 #shitpost

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lena-in-a-red-dress · 4 years

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End of Year Ask Meme

This end of year ask meme was created by @tina-warriorprincess. I’m only reposting because I’m answering it in full and not as a traditional meme. If you want to reblog this meme, please do so from the OP.

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1. First things first, did you have a good year? Despite some steep lows, overall I'd say yes!

2. How old did you turn this year? The big three-oh.

3. Do you feel your age? How is my age supposed to feel? Seriously if anyone has an answer please let me know because I have no idea how it’s supposed to be going at this point.

4. Did your appearance change in anyway? No. Well, I’ve started wearing lipstick more... No-- wait! I got lasik this year, so no more glasses!

5. Post your favorite selfie. Meh.

6. If you traveled, where did you go? Vienna, Austria, to meet my baby cousin and be my mother’s travel companion.

7. Which fashion trends did you love? Women in suits, men in gowns.

8. Which fashion trends did you hate? None.

9. What was your favorite article of clothing this year? Post a pic if possible? My new boots. They gay. Here, have a crappy top view pic for proof:

10. What song sums up this year for you? “The Next Right Thing” from Frozen 2

11. What album came out and has been on heavy rotation since then? I’m shit with music. Hell if I know anything that’s current.

12. What was your favorite movie of the year? This one’s tough, considering I can barely remember what I watched last week, let alone anything earlier. I really liked Terminator: Dark Fate, and Charlie’s Angels.

13. Did an actor/actress catch your attention for the first time this year? Mackenzie Davis

14. Favorite new TV show? None. Nothing’s surpassed any of my current favorites at this time. At least, none that I remember.

15. Which new ship/fandom has taken over a lot of your time, attention, and tears? Nothing new. Still a Supergirl girl.

16. What food did you try for the first time? Quinoa

17. Did you make any big permanent changes this year? Several!.

18. What was one nice thing you did for someone else? Spent christmas cleaning so my mom wouldn't have to.

19. What was one nice thing you did for yourself? Got a cat. Like, a week ago.

20. Did you develop a new obsession? Betta Fish. I’m seriously down the rabbit hole with these guys.

21. Did you vote? Yes.

22. Did you move? Yes.

23. Did you get a job? No, but kept my current one.

24. Did you get a pet? Yes.

25. Do you regret not doing anything? I miss Vancouver.

26. Do you regret doing something? Trying not to think about those.

27. Have you done anything that scared you? Moved out on my own, got a cat.

28. Did anyone/thing make you so mad it stayed with you for days? Yes.

29. Did you lose anyone close to you? No.

30. Did you fall in love? Jury's out.

31. Did you fall out of love? No.

32. Did you start a new relationship? Yes.

33. Did you go through a break up? Kind of. It was a break up with a friend-- the slow, no-contact sort of break-up that tells you that they don’t consider you part of their life anymore. It sucked.

34. Did you have to cut ties to someone? Almost. They were

35. Who was important to you this year but wasn’t important last year? One of my coworkers has become a really good friend, a little unexpectedly. I’m really grateful for it.

36. Who wasn’t as important to you this year as they were last year? Everyone. This is the first year I’ve consciously made choices for myself, and let go of worrying about what everyone thinks. You have no idea how much brainpower it consumes until you stop doing it.

37. If you could have a do over on one thing you did, would you take it? Probably, but one virtue of ADHD is that I can't remember anything off the top of my head.

38. What was the best moment of the year for you? I’m going to say meeting my niece. She’s actually my best friend’s baby, but I’m an auntie so she’s my niece. Holding her for the first time was the first time I felt truly grounded and fully self-aware in years.

39. What was the worst? I try not to think about it..

40. Did anything happen that you were sure would change you as a person but it really didn’t? I thought I was going to have a magic moment getting my cat. It wasn't. I’m not some new crazy cat lady. I’m just me, with a cat for a roommate.

41. Did anything happen to you that you were sure wouldn’t change you as a person but it did? I can’t think of a single thing.

42. What are you most proud of accomplishing? Completing an original story and submitting for publication. Twice.

43. What have you learned about yourself this year that you didn’t know in the years prior? I'm very nurturing. Getting Gimpy up and going was a testament to that. And my therapist said so, so....

44. Did your opinion of anyone change for the better? Not really?

45. Did your opinion of anyone change for worse? Yeah. Not everyone responded well to the diagnoses I got this year, and I definitely think less of them for it.

46. If you make resolutions, did you complete them this year? For the first time in my life, I can say that YES I DID! Writing a story for submission has been a resolution for years.

47. If you make resolutions, what will your resolutions be for the coming year? Haven't decided yet. Getting published/printed obvs, but beyond that? Idk.

48. If you could go on an adventure during the remaining days of the year, where would you go and what would you do? Who would you go with? Vancouver, and I'd probably bring my mom, bc I promised to show her all the sights one day.

50. What do you wish for others for the coming year? Happiness.

51. What do you wish for yourself? Also happiness. It's an ongoing struggle.

#personal #ask meme #end of year #fun fun #lots of changes this year #overall goodness

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purplesurveys · 4 years

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706

What weird food combinations do you enjoy? I’m willing to experiment mayonnaise with most food. I also dip my fries in hot fudge sundae and because I’m Filipino I have to have my fried chicken paired with banana ketchup. Where do you get your news? Usually from the Twitter and Facebook handles of my go-to news outlets. My dad is also the only one who turns on the TV in the dining area so whenever he’s home and watches the evening news I get to hear the reports as well. What social stigma does society need to get over? HIV/AIDS, dating or marrying the same sex, tattoos... even breastfeeding is a fucking stigma lmao. So many people are babies. What is the best/worst prank that you've played on someone? I hate being the victim of pranks so I never pull them on anyone. What was the last photo you took? My dog jumping up to ask for food last night.

What makes you roll your eyes every time you hear it? Lately our president has been wanting to give nightly addresses on TV every midnight so when I hear another announcement from the government I just roll my eyes because I know it’s gonna be another hour-long speech that not only has absolutely zero substance to it, but made everyone unnecessarily stay up that late. What are you currently worried about? I’m worried about my remaining academic requirements. With the suspension of online classes and the lockdown being extended until April 30 (which is virtually the end of the semester), I have no idea what’s gonna become of our academic calendar and my grades – and the status of my graduation.

A notable school in the country already mass-promoted (read: passed) all their students and is planning to give tuition fee refunds since only two months of the sem were used. It’s honestly the most responsible thing to do for now and I hope all other universities follow suit.

Do you think aliens exist? I believe we aren’t the only ones alive out here but I also don’t think they look like the creatures books or movies have made them out to be. What mythical creature do you wish actually existed? Meh, was never a fan of anything mythical/mythological. What are you interested in that most people aren't? Pro wrestling. In my 15 years of being a fan I’ve only found literally a handful of people (at least who are also Filipino) who shared the same passion or amount of interest as I have. It’s just never been a popular topic or fanbase here so I never get to bring it up – and I’m afraid to bring it up because people seem to judge anyone still into wrestling these days. What's the most ridiculous thing you have bought? My most pointless purchase was a pink bar of soap with lettering that says “Gay Bar.” It’s a novelty item at best and I never needed to buy it, but I had money that day so I did and now it’s gathering dust in one of my drawers. What sounds hit you with major nostalgia every time you hear them? The PS1 start-up noise is a big candidate. If given the oppurtunity to open a museum, what kind would you create? They have museums about everything now, so I think it’d be a good idea to turn to my roots and make an ancestral house instead and have it in our home province. My family has a rich history and it’d be a waste if we allowed ourselves to forget. When was the last time you immediately regretted what you said? I think last night? We were having pork belly bought from outside for dinner and I was talking about how good it tasted and that it was the best thing I’ve had in a while. I forgot my dad has been cooking us a different meal every single day since the quarantine started and they all have tasted amazing as well. After I realized what I said I felt like shit and immediately downplayed the pork belly so that he didn’t feel left out. What's the silliest thing you've seen someone get upset about? My mom is a champion of this list lmao, there’s so much stupid shit she’s thrown a fit over. The most ridiculous one happened last year when my sister sprained her ankle and my mom would not help her walk around and even walked faster than the rest of us. It was like she was purposely leaving us behind, which confused and pissed me off. Anyway I was left assisting Nina as she hobbled on. Eventually I caught up to my mom and asked her to slow down and to be with us and to help my sister walk. Apparently it was enough to piss her off and the whole ride home she was yelling at me and legitimately sobbing about how humiliated she was when I called her out because she thinks people overheard and are judging her for it. I mean if you’re afraid of getting judged isn’t that proof you know you did something shitty?

The sermon also turned personal and she started screaming about how I was a horrible daughter and that I’ve never done anything right, and that I was a disappointment, and that I was straying further from God everyday and she could see the horns growing on my head. How’s that for abusive? What was the best thing that happened to you today? I finally finished the level I’ve been stuck on in Mario Kart 8 and now I’m officially done with the game. I’ve never finished any video game before so it feels pretty bitching!!!!!!!!! Do you consider yourself a good cook? I don’t even consider myself a cook. What's the dumbest thing someone has argued with you about? ^ The thing I just talked about, even though it wasn’t technically an argument because my mom didn’t let me talk throughout.

The next dumbest thing I could think of is probably when my grown-ass aunt fought me back when I was 13 on whether Beyoncé lip-syncs or not. It was a random family discussion and I was just talking about how much I like Beyoncé and she not only stole my thunder by picking a fight with me, but she also made me feel bad about something I loved lol. She was so insistent that she lip-syncs and was so hungry for an argument, I didn’t understand why?????? so I just dropped it and rolled my eyes at my dad. IT’S SO DUMB RIGHT What did you google last? Information I needed for an article I’m currently writing. What fashion trend makes you cringe or laugh everytime you see it? Skirts paired with either denim jeans or leggings, and short vests. All the Disney stars wore them and it was the epitome of fashion for us at the time aaaahhhhhhahahahahaha. What's your favorite holiday movie? LOVE ACTUALLY. For sure. I’d also say It’s A Wonderful Life but it has some very low points that ruins the Christmas-yness for me. How ambitious are you? I’m pretty ambitious and also a bit of a perfectionist, but I’m also aware of my limits and I don’t always jump onto tasks feeling confident. I know what I’m capable of so if I’m faced with something I know other people can be better at, I’ll consciously be less ambitious at it cos I usually let my insecurity get in the way. What was the biggest realization you have had about yourself? As someone who’s always thrived on being an introvert, the last few months and years have taught me that I CAN talk to people if I have to? And they’re not scary? I had little hope for myself prior to my internship - but it ended up being fun and I met a lot of awesome new people. I also never thought I’d get to write articles solely because I hate interviewing people - but my sources have all been nothing but nice to me. I guess what I’m trying to say is I’ve always doubted my ability to talk to people and dive in to unfamiliar scenarios, but when I do either it’s always turned out to be great experiences for me.

What topic could you spend forever talking about? If we’re going for what’s been the most recent hot topic, it would be the government’s incompetence in dealing with COVID-19 so far. Which way should toilet paper hang, over or under? Over. What word is a lot of fun to say? I dunno. I don’t think of words in terms of how fun they are to say. Maybe curse words? HAHAHA If you didn't have to sleep, what would you do with the extra time? Assuming the internet is nothing to worry about, I’d watch all the series I’ve long planned on watching but can’t because Netflix does a big pull on the entire household’s connection. Are you usually early or late? Early or on time. There is no ‘late’ for me. What do you wish you knew more about? The future. Not knowing the answers to it is so irritating/boring to me. What is the most annoying question you've been asked? Asking if I go to rallies/am an activist/am part of the NPA just because of the school I come from. None of those things are bad at all, but I’ve always been annoyed at the stereotyping. How different was your life 1 year ago? I wasn’t graduating yet then. And I was OUTSIDE MOST DAYS because there wasn’t any fucking virus. What movie title best describes your life? Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, except I literally have to be stuck at home. What was the last lie you told? Telling my groupmates I had some family stuff at home to fix before getting started on our group project, but really I had to take a bath first because I wanted to feel fresh while working. It’s a minor lie, but it still made me feel bad. What type of music do you listen to? It’s usually varied but my go-to genres are indie pop, electropop, alternative rock, punk rock, *some* indie, R&B, and pop.

Are you a good listener? Yeah, it’s why I prefer to be one than a talker. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? Cookies and cream or some peanut butter/chocolate concoction. Do you think you're brave? I can be. Just not about everything. What are you most grateful for in your life? The relatively comfortable life we live considering where we live. And that covers everything from the food we eat, the schools we’ve been sent to, where we get to travel (or the fact that we can travel at all), etc.

What was the worst phase in your life? My rebellious, no-one-understands-me, angsty teen phase when I was 12-13 and my time readjusting in college when I was 18-19. What is a relationship deal breaker for you? Verbal abuse. What are some things that give you complete peace of mind? Staying in coffee shops, driving at midnight, views of the skyline at night, staying on the rooftop at night and being under the stars... I just like a lot of things about the night. Would you like to explore another planet? Yesssssss. Who was your favorite cartoon character as a child? Spongebob. Cosmo from The Fairly Oddparents comes at a close second. What would you do if you were the president of your own country? Right now? I’d assure people everything was being taken care of – mass testing, support for doctors, provision of PPEs and free transportation for frontliners, making all the senators (who are all expectedly not doing anything, save for one) work their asses off, put part of the P275B fund to assist middle- and lower-class people who can’t – instead of imposing shoot-to-kill orders for the military to anyone criticizing the government or rambling about absolutely fucking nothing in nation addresses.

#survey #surveys

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animeraider · 5 years

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I want to talk to you a moment about fear.

I wrote this a couple of weeks ago, and then just as I was about to publish it we had a slew of mass shootings, including one in my own geographical back yard, at a festival I've attended with my family. It seems to me that being afraid of gun violence is the one exception to my entire essay, and it does poke a big hole in it. We can't be afraid to close that hole. So here is that essay. +++++++++++++++++++++ I have said for a very long time now that the only useful place for fear in on Rollercoasters. Maybe horror movies. That it. Nothing else. But I want to dig deeper on that theme for a moment, if you don’t mind.

For getting on close to 2 decades now, there has been a political party in this country that has wanted you to be afraid. Usually it’s to be afraid of Muslims, terrorists, foreigner… anything other. They want you to believe that crime is getting worse. They want you to believe the country is financially unstable. They want you to believe there is a gay agenda that will change your life for the worse. A Trans-gender agenda. An Atheist agenda. A war on Christmas. Fear of packages in the mail. Fear of people in black communities, with their high crime rates. Fear of immigrants and the crime they bring. Fear of cartels and gangs that don’t even have a presence in this country. Fear of the Deficit. Fear that higher taxes will kill the economy. Fear that Iran is building an atomic bomb. Fear that the government will take over your healthcare. Fear that the government will take your guns. Fear that the government will take your freedoms.

This really ramped up after 9/11. I won’t kid you, that was awful. Grotesque. I can remember every damned moment of it – feeling genuinely in shock but being brave for my children, who were frightened out of their wits. Grabbing my children from their schools. Picking up my wife from her teaching job and the protocols that say that teachers needs to stay at their posts can go fuck themselves. Hunkering down and wishing it were all over. Thinking about the flight originally bound by my adopted hometown, and our own skyscrapers. It was awful and it opened a horrific wound.

Thing is, when do we get to heal? Why do we need to stay afraid? How can we possibly heal if we’re still afraid?

I’m asking that all of you please, stop being afraid. We’re not the greatest country in the world anymore but we sure used to be. We dreamed big, accomplished even bigger, and created the world’s next great adventures. We don’t do that anymore.

Fear is holding us back. Fear of the other. Fear of the world and how different it is from us. Yeah, we got hurt, badly hurt, but it’s time to heal. It’s time to stop being afraid to heal. It’s not easy, and I don’t deny that. But let me offer you a few notions about fear that maybe you haven’t considered.

I’m not afraid of Muslims. They’ve been part of this country going back to its very foundation. There are more Muslims in the world than there are Americans and there always has been. 9/11 didn’t change that. We’ve been fine with Muslims. Sharia Law isn’t being introduced anywhere in this country. It’s just not. Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying, and wants you afraid. If Muslims were such a big problem why are we as a nation so damned friendly with Saudi Arabia? Senegal? Pakistan? Morocco? Singapore? Egypt? Kuwait? Morocco – the first country to recognize the United States as an independent country (1786), and with whom we maintain the longest single treaty in US History?

A Muslim named Fazlur Tahman Khan (an American) invented the engineering system that allows skyscrapers to be built, including the Twin Towers, Sears Tower in Chicago and even the Trump International Hotel and Tower in the same city. He also built the Metrodome. A Muslim named Ernest Hamwi invented the Ice Cream Cone at the 1904 World’s Fair (Martha Stewart has published his original recipe too).

I’m not afraid of terrorists. I actually know someone who died on 9/11 and I completely understand the anger, the fear. I’ve felt it. It’s a physical thing you can feel and touch. But you know what? The country seems to have learned its lesson about how to anticipate this sort of thing. I’d like to think we can relax now. There are people whose jobs are to be vigilant and they’ve been successful since that awful day 2 decades ago. I think we can relax. And if I’m wrong? What’s the point of dying scared? Laugh at death – it’s going to laugh back. Don’t take life so seriously, it was never meant to be permanent.

I prefer to think of them simply as criminals. In addition to not being afraid, don’t make them important.

I’m not afraid of foreigners. I want to see the world, and see the differences and the similarities in other cultures. I want them to be our partners on this pale blue dot. Being afraid of the rest of the world seems just so… lonely. We’re not built for lonely. You’re here, reading this right now, aren’t you? Lonely makes people into monsters thanks to the echo chamber that is our own brains and we must be better than that.

I’m not afraid of crime. Despite all the crime shows on television, cable and podcast crime is actually way down, and is trending down. Even the FBI says so. I’m not afraid of the country being financially unstable. Yes, we have good days and bad days but overall the country is still the largest economy on the planet and will continue to be for a long time unless we intentionally intervene to make it worse. We have safety nets we didn’t use to have. Social Security isn’t going broke. Nowhere close. We have plenty of money. It does, however, need a slight adjustment in who is holding on to it.

I’m not afraid of gays. For the most part, every gay person, every Trans person I have ever met has wanted only one thing – for everyone else to not care that they’re gay or trans. Or anywhere else on the non-binary spectrum. It doesn’t affect you in any way whatsoever. The LGBTQA agenda in schools? Mostly it teaches that it doesn’t matter. Can you stop being afraid of this? Yeah, some religions say that this is a sin but can you stop being afraid of it long enough to take to heart one great lesson in that book of yours? Even if you believe it’s a sin, you love the sinner. That’s it. Stop there. Never, never, never add hate to that. “Love the sinner, Hate the sin” isn’t in the Bible, the Koran or the Torah. Anything further isn’t religion – it’s justifying what you’re afraid of; most likely yourself.

(As a side note, for those of you who use the Bible to justify your fears of these people, I find it hilarious that you keep using the parts of the Bible written by the Romans after they co-opted Christianity. But who am I to judge?)

I’m not afraid of Atheists for the same reason. You know what they want? For everyone else to not push their own agenda on them, just like you don’t want someone else’s agenda forced on you. The Constitution is quite clear on this – no religion will be established by the state. Atheists would like you to support this very American ideal. That’s it.

There is no war on Christmas. There simply isn’t. Atheists exchange gifts too, because it’s nice to do.

I’m not afraid of packages in the mail. Yeah, there was some scary stuff sent out just after 9/11, but the number of people who got those packages/envelopes can be counted on one hand, and it isn’t your hand.

I’m not afraid of black neighborhoods. Crime really isn’t any higher in black neighborhoods than it is in white ones, not when the economics are taken into account. When people have money crime goes down, regardless of the color of one’s skin. Go to any white community where they income levels and cost of living are the same as any similar black neighborhood and you’ll find that the crime rates are just about equal. But the people trying to keep you afraid are white, and black is part of “the other”. There are good people living in those neighborhoods. Kind people. People who would help you.

Stop calling the police on black people. Stop being afraid. Be kind.

I‘m not afraid of immigrants or any crime. Yes, a couple of stories have been sensationalized, but statistically immigrants cause less crime than those of us born here. I’m not afraid of them taking our jobs. If the jobs are there and you want them, apply for them. Those jobs they’re taking are jobs you didn’t want, and they’re there. Immigrants tend to work hard, because they want what we used to be, and what they believe we can still be.

Fear of foreign gangs? Seriously? This might surprise you but MS13 members haven’t been making it across the border. You don’t find them in our detention camps. That’s because they’re not here.

Fear of the deficit? Nope, just can’t do it. Not when the political power who wants you to be afraid stops caring about it when they’re in power, and starts caring about it when they’re not. Besides, when they are it balloons, and when they’re not it decreases. Almost like they’re the cause or something.

I don’t fear higher taxes. Most people simply don’t make enough money where changes in the marginal tax rate will even touch them. Will it destroy the economy? No. The economy could change though. If money gets returned to the lower classes they’ll spend it. The economy should actually get better. The economy was great when Eisenhower was President. When Kennedy was President. We built highways. We went to the moon. You know, when taxes were higher.

Taxes, right now, are lower than they have been in your entire lifetime. Unless you’re over 90 years old.

Iran isn’t building an atomic bomb. They could, if they’re not engaged with. Obama realized this and got them to stop. I’m not afraid on Iran. But some people haven’t recovered from the wound given us in 1979 by Iran. Trump may just be one of them. His National Security Advisor certainly hasn’t.

I don’t fear the government taking over my health care. I’d kind of rather they did so, actually. My mother has Medicare and they’ve treated her better than my doctors sometimes treat me. Her healthcare also costs one hell of a lot less. If we move to a system like the one Canada has then yes, your taxes will be higher. But your healthcare costs will be lower. Much lower than how much your taxes go up. I’d say that’s a trade to not be afraid of.

I don’t fear the government taking your guns. I’d actually be quite happy if they did it but that’s a conversation for another time. It’s simply not going to happen. We do need to have an honest conversation about it though. We’ve lost too many children to guns. Come on people, we can solve this.

There is so much more that people have been trying to make us all afraid of over the past couple of decades. Much more than I could list here. Vaccines, Godless schools, Black people voting, improper birth certificates, QAnon, Impeachment… the list just goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on. I’m not afraid of any of it.

And I’m not afraid of Donald J. Trump. Or Mike Pence. Or Moscow Mitch McConnell.

I’m not afraid of anything. I’m an American. A citizen of what used to be The United States of America. I’d like you to be too.

Being afraid is downright un-American. So stop it. All of you. You can do this.

#policital essay #essay #politics

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finerafin · 5 years

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ALL EVEN NUMBERS 8D?? and nr 1 :>

I didn’t want to clean my room anyway ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

1. First things first, did you have a good year?

Overall yes, I guess, the last four months since September have been great and I can’t really remember the rest :’)

2. How old did you turn this year?

21 and I feel old

4. Did your appearance change in anyway?

I got short(er) hair last year but this year my new hairdresser looked at me, probably went “Yeah, she’s gay” and cut them even shorter AND I’M SO HAPPY I LIKE IT SO MUCH

6. If you traveled, where did you go?

Ofc I did! In March to St. Petersburg for a week and it was really nice and in September I went to Italy to visit @sxpaiscia

8. Which fashion trends did you hate?

No particular fashion trend?? Just that the sleeves of all my new hoodies/flannels are too short?? Idk what’s up with that. Can’t they make the sleeves a normal length so they will cover my entire arm and hand and I can be comfy??

10. What song sums up this year for you?

Probably Fire and the Flood by Vance Joy

12. What was your favorite movie of the year?

I had to look up all the movies which were released this year?? My friend and I went to see Love, Simon which I thought was really good, also The Incredibles 2 and two older films I only watched this year were Storks and Megamind, omg, that movie was awesome

14.Favorite new TV show?

HILDA IT IS SO CUTE OMG I LOVE IT, also, Nomad of Nowhere

16. What food did you try for the first time?

Uuuhm, probably several things but we ate snails? and red beans which I always thought would taste awful but were actually okay

18. What was one nice thing you did for someone else?

OKAY the last day before the Christmas holidays I bought chocolate for my whole class and put it in our classroom without anyone knowing and it was great listening to them wondering who tf did that (Also I got to be STEALTHY!) It was worth getting up early

20. Did you develop a new obsession?

SEVERAL, for one I bought like 8 flannels this year, and I am now obsessed with pink and glitter and now my room is coated in glitter because I am stupid and drop everything I pick up, including the box with glitter :)

22. Did you move?

fortunately not

24. Did you get a pet?

Yes and no, we adopted a stray cat and he’s the sweetest boy but he doesn’t really belong to us, we only feed him and cuddle him

26. Do you regret doing something?

Not writing as much as I wanted to write :( (Which reminds me that I have so many fics to post, ugh, I got at least two finished and one that’s nearly finished)

28. Did anyone/thing make you so mad it stayed with you for days?

Yeah, some of my classmates for not showing up even though we agreed to study together … I get mad more often than that but being left alone or excluded are things I can’t stand -.-

30. Did you fall in love?

YES OMG

32. Did you start a new relationship?

YESSSS

34. Did you have to cut ties to someone?

Not really, but there was one person who tried to contact me again after I cut her out two years ago and I went “Ugh, plz leave me alone” especially since she went the “I love you but I didn’t want to ruin our friendship :’)” road

36. Who wasn’t as important to you this year as they were last year?

There are several people, half of them are tumblr friendships who probably don’t even know about it :’) (apart from Pai of course xD)

38. What was the best moment of the year for you?

There were so many uhm …

40. Did anything happen that you were sure would change you as a person but it really didn’t?

Yeah, I was disappointed by someone again but I’m still as stupid as before and have trust issues so uuuh :)

42. What are you most proud of accomplishing?

I’m getting my life together! (a bit. A tiny little bit but it’s good)

44. Did your opinion of anyone change for the better?

No, I can’t think of anyone …

46. If you make resolutions, did you complete them this year?

… Does anyone do this?

48. If you could go on an adventure during the remaining days of the year, where would you go and what would you do? Who would you go this?

I’d love to explore somewhere no one hasn’t been yet, preferably where it’s cold and anyone of my friends is fine, really, as long as they aren’t annoying

50. What do you wish for yourself?

Continue to make baby steps, growing as a person and stay positive … that’s probably only a tiny bit of all the things I want myself to do but I’m pretty sure I’m gonna focus on this ^^

#ask #bluevsblue

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farklelucas · 6 years

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omggggggvvv i am HERE for buzzfeed high au but do you have any more kelsey hcs? i just rly love her!!! also try guys hcs???? aaaaaaa thank u love u

I LOVE KELSEY DARRAGH WITH MY WHOLE FUCKING HEART I AM HAPPY TO OBLIGE

like i said she drinks a fucking lot. but she can handle it. she can handle her alcohol. it’s better if she has someone around to babysit her but yeah, she can handle it as long as she doesn’t push her limits and drinks lots of water. (sometimes she pushes her limits tho and that’s when zach and eugene and jen have to rein her back in.)

thank @hotdagasaga for this one - once a month, she and eugene have a Day where they watch dumb shows and put on face masks and chill, topless, in one of their beds

speaking of her friendship with eugene, they are really really comfortable friends and it is really easy to think that they’re dating. they always hold hands and kelsey wears his jackets and they make dumb comments like “eugene! you look particularly fuckable today!” and “kelsey that top makes your nipples look Fantastic”

that’s not to undersell her friendship with zach. they are Super close, especially when they’re both single in the early to mid days of high school. they hang out all the time and make fun of their friends in relationships (namely ariel and ned and steven and andrew). zach holds kelsey’s hand when she cries about her singleness and she sets up darts and throws pictures at his shitty exes. he also lets her do his nails and they bond over cats and bisexuality.

she loves. loves makeup. she loves trying new trends and she walks into school with them on all the time. she had lollipop lips and wavy eyebrows and reverse contour/highlight. she tries it all. the cheerleaders compliment her on every damn trend she tries bc girl power (especially jen who is very gay and stumbles over her words bc pretty girl).

kelsey’s style is such a fucking mess like pretty flowery dresses one day, big bulky leather jacket the next, then a pantsuit and then a croptop and jeans then a sweater and overalls. honestly one (1) fashion icon.

kelsey babysits and makes BIG damn money bc kids, for some reason, love her. (who fucking doesn’t though???) she’s like a vodka aunt for the entire neighborhood. she spends it all immediately on makeup oops.

she’s always getting coded for dress code violations but her mom, who is her best fucking friend, comes up and fights the principal on them.

the try guys have two group chats: one of just them (which obviously is not called the try guys bc they’re not actually the try guys in this universe but is probably called like “four bros chillin in a hot tub” or something equally meme-y) and then one called like “group chat + mom” where kelsey mainly just types in all caps and spills tea and makes sure everyone is in line.

okay i got more but im gonna stop lol. more try guys headcanons under the cut, but you can find more of them and of kelsey (and jelsey and ladylike and etc) in my buzzfeed series.

the boys have matching pajamas. i kid you not. for christmas one year keith gets them for all of them. zach is over the moon, ned is laughing his ass off, eugene acts really fucking annoyed but secretly loves it and wears it all the time.

they all have their own pieces they usually contribute to the main gc it’s hilarious

keith sends memes, both regular and positive, and sometimes asks for answers to homework

ned sends a lot of emojis and also bro language

zach uses tons of exclamation points and smiley faces but the kind u gotta type out like “:^D” and “:^(”

eugene types in all lower caps and uses lots of ellipses like…….. this………………..

overall they all send love and support and occasionally hw answers

zach never wears matching socks fucking ever and the other try guys think this is adorable.

they all have lockers right next to each other (aka how they met and became best friends) and they abuse this all the time. whether it’s someone’s birthday or it’s valentines day or christmas or what have you. they always have decorations strewn across all four of their lockers and it’s obnoxious. there’s a huge division in school, bc half of the school loves them and the other half hates them.

they are so comfy around each other it’s ridiculous. they’ll put their arms around each other and steal food off each other’s plates and casually get undressed in front of each other. so when zach and eugene start dating, no one even bats an eye bc barely anything changes (well besides the making out obviously but. whatever.)

when zach and eugene go through bad breakups, keith and ned immediately prepare to square the fuck up. no one hurts their boys. no one. and when they start dating each other, keith and ned have the “break his heart and i’ll fuck you up” talk with both of them separately, bc they’re both fragile let’s be real

they all attend eugene’s dance recitals and hold up signs cheering him on, and they do the same at ned’s soccer games

they’re not really allowed to do it at zach’s debate tournaments but. damn it all to hell if they don’t wear matching shirts that say “team zach” on them and cheer to hell when they’re allowed

their movie nights are iconic. they go all out. popcorn, pajamas, beanbags in the basement, the whole 9 yards. they switch off every week; zach usually picks sci-fi, eugene horror, ned romcoms, and keith comedy.

their sleepovers are even MORE legendary. they spend a week planning them. they bring in all kinds of snacks and they all sleep sprawled out on the floor legs overlapping, eugene probably actually inside of zach’s sleeping bag.

okay that’s. enough. save some more for another day lol.

#kelsey darragh #try guys #buzzfeed #buzzfeed high #anonymous #what kind of woman doesnt have an ask

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gloomy-goober · 6 years

Text

The Ghost of Christmas Past

Anxiety’s first Christmas out in Thomas’ mind was spent down in his basement; alone. It started to become a trend even after he revealed himself to the others. This was something he was used to, something he convinced himself he is fine with, but...is he? (unedited)

(This is kind of a new thing where I am sticking multiple ages into one story. So it fits in EVERYWHERE in the timeline of Growing Up Parts of a Whole while also being my attempt at poetry. Merry (late) Christmas ~A)

Tag List: @holdnarrytight @fandomsandanythingelse @justanotherpurplebutterfly @twinkly-lights @here-to-vent @that-space-gay-writes @fangirl4ever @louvrejpeg @abstractedthinking (I do not have my tag list on me! I am copying this from what I can find buried in my blog. Send me a message/ask to put you name here!)

In the mind palace of Thomas’ head Lived three sides that were snug in bed. The stockings were hung and the tree blinged out, (Roman, that is not how it would be described.) (Well this is how it is going to be transcribed!) Because no one was thought to still be about. This was not true for, as you can you see, There had always been a number of sides that was greater than three. A new boy had left his shadowy cave Trying to learn what this new world gave. What he found was bright lights, laughter, and hearts Yet he did not find the rest of Thomas’ parts...

Anxiety peered out in the living room from the small crack he had made in the door to the basement. He had not been up in awhile and seeing the place still lit up was strange. A tree decorated with lights and baubles now sat in front of a fire place that had not existed last month.

Three large socks, stockings he told himself, hung in front of the fire place. One had a dog face on it, one was a plain blue, and the last was a mickey mouse one. Cookies and a glass of milk sat out on the coffee table.

Anxiety stared at everything in confusion. His mind slowly working to pull from the host’s own memories to understand what he was seeing.

Christmas Eve.

A time filled with family and cookies, carols and fun movies. A time where Thomas was up late waiting for a man he was starting to doubt was real. Anxiety blamed himself for that doubt, he always made Thomas doubt.

He pulled at his hoodie’s long sleeves as he crept into the room. Gently letting his hand touch the stockings. They already had presents inside them. He wanted to peak inside but he knew that it was not his place.

The anxious side wondered who had put them there. They were just figures of imagination; parts of a personality. There was no way Santa Claus could come into their little home and leave the presents. The proof of that was the uneaten cookies and full glass of milk.

The young side sat down on the couch and ate a cookie. Looking over all the holiday decorations. Who ever did all this they had done an amazing job. He loved looking over it all.

Heart was probably the main force behind the decorating with Creativity putting the extra sparkle. He wondered what it had been like; the three older sides all in the living room bickering and laughing as they got ready to celebrate the holidays.

Anxiety wished he had the strength to reveal himself to them. He wished he could have joined them in the holiday festivities.

He looked at the cookie in his hand; the sprinkle covered Santa smiled brightly at him even though he was missing an arm.

“Maybe next year,” he sighed and put the cookie on the plate.

The small side made his way to the kitchen and went to get more supplies so he would have more food in his room.

Christmases came and then they went Yet none of them were really spent With the other three sides that lived up above; Yet the young lad still dreamt of their love. It took a few years for him to be found But still the young child could not be unwound. This little side, made of Anxiety and fear, Found himself unable to join in their holiday cheer.

Coming and going from the basement had taken time to adjust to but the young facet had finally gotten used to it.

Anxiety still had the habit of listening before he opened the door and jumping a little when he saw one of the older three in the common area but it was fine. Now he did not have to worry about introductions, or small talk, or even them hating him. He already knew where they stood on his presence.

Heart was excited but contained himself, Logic was dismissive, and Creativity hated his guts for some reason. This was the fact of the mind palace.

Another fact was that Virgil had no idea what happened around Christmas time as he had always been in the basement with his own work. Making Thomas worry about family gatherings and excite him enough over what the presents would be was tough work. Add that to the general other worries that came with being a teenager.

The youngest side stared at the mess of the common room from his spot at the basement door. It looked like someone had thrown up red and green and sparkles.

In the middle of it all was Patton and Roman; stick together in a ridiculous two-human sweater that was as red and green as the rest of the mess. It was not surprising that Roman had made sure he was on the side that said ‘nice’ while Patton’s said ‘naughty’.

“Anxiety!” Patton beamed brightly when he saw the youngest side. Momentarily forgetting about how he was stuck with Roman as he bounded over to give a one-armed-hug the boy. “I was just about to break free and come get you. We are doing our Christmas planning~”

Virgil stared at Heart a little confused at the statement, “Get me? Why?”

“Family tradition, right Ro?” Patton looked at his ‘Nice’ companion.

Roman looked up from the scroll he had and looked at Anxiety like it was the first time he noticed the other side. “Oh...hello Anxiety. What are you doing from your creepy cave?”

Anxiety rolled his eyes, “Looking for food. Since when were you on the nice list?”

“Excuse you, I am Santa’s favorite helper!”

“I wanted to get you so you could be in the family tradition,” the emotional side said before the two could start bickering, “We can make you a stocking and decorate the tree. Make cookies and you can even join in on the Secret Santa drawing! It is so much fun finding gifts for everyone.”

Anxiety’s heart swelled up with a tiny bit of hope that he usually wanted to keep dead.

Heart was actually asking him to be apart of Christmas; to spend an important holiday with them. He could not believe it...this had to be a trick.

“I...I don’t know, Pat,” Anxiety mumbled.

“Please?” Heart pouted. “I want you to be there.”

“If Anxiety does not feel up to such a loud and bright tasks then we should not force him, Heart.”

The three sides looked over as Logan entered the room. The logical facet had a terrible Christmas themed sweater vest and had a large box. Probably more decorations to add to the mess.

“Besides, prolonged social interaction may not be ideal with how much he is working right now for Thomas.”

“I have been meaning to talk to you about that,” Roman suddenly cuts in and looks directly at Anxiety. “Can’t you stop? Just for a moment? Let Thomas enjoy his Christmas without worrying about knowing some distant relative that came to give him cool presents?”

“Creativity,” Heart frowned, “It is not Anxiety’s fault that Thomas is a little extra nervous.”

Roman frowned, “He is the literal embodiment of Anxiety, Patton, how is it not his doing?”

The hope in Anxiety’s chest died. Logan gave good reasons on why he should not join in and Roman seemed not to keen on the new side stepping in to join in on the fun.

Patton was doing his best to defend the younger’s place in the family but Anxiety made up his mind.

“It’s fine guys,” he said softly, “I don’t really want to do this anyway.”

Patton stopped mid-lecture to look at the boy in front of him. “But...kiddo...”

“Logic is right, I don’t want to get overstimulated. I shouldn’t push myself,” Anxiety tucked his hands into his over sized hoodie’s sleeves for comfort. “Besides, I just came up here for a snack. I am kind of worn out; Thomas napping is giving me a break.”

“Are you really sure you don’t want to join us?” Patton asked calmly.

Virgil did not dare to look at the eldest’s pleading eyes. He just started to move towards the kitchen. “Yeah. You guys have fun....I guess.”

“Alright then!” Roman said, taking over the situation as Anxiety left it, “I think we need to start with the tree...”

Years did pass, more and more. And the side did find it was a chore To stay away from the other three But he had been told it could never be. The boy, Thomas, grew up fast And the others found they could meet him at last. Together the new group celebrated together While the other side was alone in the cold weather. His first time out had gone as expected He wished Thomas understood he just wanted him protected.

Virgil sat in the living room inside Thomas’ mind. The apartment had taken some time to get used to after so long in the old configuration of the mind palace. he guessed this was better for a layout. His place was still super far away from the others.

Usually he would not be out in the open but Princey, Logic, and Morality were out in the real world. Since showing themselves to Thomas the three of them had been very active in and out of the mind space. Either for video ideas or just talking with Thomas.

Right now they were on screen with Thomas.

Patton messing around in the kitchen with an elf-hat on; probably making cookies. Roman was around the Christmas tree singing along to the song on the T.V. show with Thomas right next to him. Logan was on the couch with a Santa hat on, probably given to him by Roman. He looked relaxed under the comfy, holiday themed blanket.

Anxiety curled more under his blanket and rested his chin on his knees. Since Thomas had become a larger part of the picture Virgil had been pushed further to the side. Appearing to the other when the others were not around just labeled him as a problem for them to get rid of.

“How does this look, Thomas? I would say it is my best work yet,” Roman stepped back from the Christmas tree with a large smile.

“It’s very...red and gold,” Thomas laughs, “Kind of throws off my side of the tree.”

When Thomas moved so did what Anxiety could see. The left out side let a chuckle out at the sight of all the brightly decorated side of the tree. Thomas’ side was a bit more personal; less about the color.

“I think they go well together,” Patton said happily as he brought out a plate of cookies. “Match you both amazingly.”

The chipper side sat down next to Logic and stuck a cookie in the more logical trait’s mouth before he could protest sharing the blanket.

The scene was so...nice. Anxiety tried to ignore the pain of loneliness as he watched. After so many Christmases alone he thought he would be used to being alone; he never got to see what he was missing.

He never got to see the presents under the tree, or how the tree was decorated. Never saw cookies freshly made or the smiles on their faces.

They did not even seem concerned about where he was or how he was doing.

The smile on Virgil’s face turned into a frown and he let the tv screen go off just as Patton began to chant for another round of watching Frosty the Snowman.

In the silence of the house he felt his own thought beginning to swarm him.

Failure.

Outcast.

Unloved.

Loser.

Anxiety pulled the blanket over his head and squeezed his eyes tight.

There was no holiday cheer when he was alone in the mind space. Just pain and loneliness.

Of course, now we know that this is Christmases Past. He is no longer the outcast. Roman, Patton, Logan, and Thomas too, Had finally gotten the clue With welcoming arms, they let him join in And celebrated when they got him to grin. We can leave it at that; in breathtaking glory For this is the end to this little story.

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rambler-of-procrastination · 2 years

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100 asks: uwu lets hear everything

. thanks for ask :D

what’s your name? unnamed what’s your age? 16 what’s your sexuality? queer what’s your gender? trans masc what’s your middle name? prefer not to disclose what’s your dream job? photography what’s your best friend name? uh have too many to say what’s your christmas list? dont have one yet what’s your biggest pet peeve? wet socks what’s your biggest food craving? a good pizza what’s your biggest dream? seeing all online friends what’s your biggest fear? being unseen what’s your nationality? american but irish, german, polish what’s your fav band? ajr atm what’s your fav colour? grey what’s your fav cuss word? fuck what’s your fav word? fuck what’s your fav dessert? creme brûlée what’s your fav candy? sour skittles what’s your fav fruit? lemons what’s your fav beverage? dr pepper what’s your fav meal time? dinner at midnight what’s your fav veggie? depends on mood what’s your fav meal? dinner what’s your fav song? cant say too many goods what’s your fav childhood song? ^ what’s your fav childhood tv show? regular show what’s your fav season? fall what’s your fav flower? daisy what’s your fav stupid childhood moments? baking. w grandmother what’s your fav tv show? uhh. idk off top of head name of it cus im tired what is something you find stupid that you’ve seen in the media? everything on tumblr what’s your fav movie? idk- what’s your fav hobbies? sleeping what’s your embarrassing moment? not sayin but what’s your fav holiday? easter what’s your fav childhood memories? baking what’s your fav trend? none what’s your fav inspirational quote? nah. what’s your fav clothing item? sweatshirts what’s your fav sport? what’s your fav school subject? what’s your fav book? what’s your fav sad song? what’s your fav trend? what’s your fav memory with family? baking what’s your fav memory with friends? hanging out what’s your fav accessories? bracelets or rings what’s your fav trip you’ve done? austria what’s your fav happy song? unsure what’s the best advice you’ve been given? live everyday like its your last what’s the best advice you’ve given? some people arent worth it what’s your unpopular opinion? unsure what’s your fav app on your phone? instagram what’s your fav lgbt song? songs are songs idk what’s a stereotypical lgbt thing you do? complement peoples pride what’s a sign you were gay? not gay but finding other people attractive what’s something you can live without? unsure what’s something you can’t live without? contacting friends what’s 5 word to describe yourself? no clue, just stuck here what’s one of your bad habits biting my nails what’s one thing that someone has done and you can’t forgive them for that? rather not say what’s one thing you would change about yourself? too many what’s one thing you get told that is annoying? everything. literally someone told me im annoying by existing- what do you love about yourself? hair what would you name your daughter? unsure what would you name your son? unsure what do you say too much? either too much or too little what do you find sexy in someone? personality what do you hate about yourself? almost everything what do you want to happen in the next 10 yrs? unsure what is something you miss? a friend what is something on your bucket list? meeting people what was your first kiss like? awkward when did you know you were lgbt? answered above when is your birthday? december have you ever been bullied? yeah have you come out? no have you ever been harassed? mhm who is your celebrity crush? too many who is your biggest inspiration? no clue who do you argue with the most? parents who is your fav youtuber? too many who is your fav family member? cousins how are you? not well at all. where is your dream vacation? unsure are you genuinely happy? nope not at all are you religious? unsure are you a chocolate or gummy girl? not girl but. i prefer chocolate are you a D.C or marvel person? marvel are you a disney or pixar both are you a city or country person? yes are you more of a bird or bunny person? bird are you a sweet or savoury person? savoury

are you proud of yourself? no are you single? atm yes are you out of the closet? no do you have a crush on someone? yeah do you love yourself? nope do you have a job if yes what is it? school

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theceoofrusa · 6 years

Text

Seven Deadly Sins tag game

If you get tagged, answer these questions and then tag 7 of your friends to do it too! Have fun~

I got tagged by @rangerofthemojave. Thank you, buddy. ^^

Gluttony:

1. If you were on death row, what would your last meal be?

Huh. I wish it would be sooner like tomorrow, but I’ll definitely try a vegetarian meal.

2. Are you a hoarder, if so what do you hoard?

Do letters and gifts from my friends count?

3. Do you collect anything and if so, what would that be?

Yeah. So far the Pokemon Special manga.

4. The top five biggest holidays are New Years’ Eve/Day, Valentine’s Day, Easter, Halloween and Christmas, what is your ranking of these holidays from most favorite to least favorite?

Eh? Ranking these? Uh... well, I guess New Year’s despite all I did was to sleep this New Year’s, Christmas, Easter, Halloween and Valentine’s Day (is that even a holiday? XD).

5. What is your favorite type of candy?

I’m not picky with candy but I do have an unhealthy obsession with chocolates. And my family blood line thingy is diabetic on both sides, rip me.

6. What are your top three favorite restaurants?

Don’t have any fave restaurants tbh. Well, that’s because restaurants are too expensive here. ^^’

7. What are four foods of personal significance to you and why?

Nothing, really. I guess only one and that’s... pork and tofu. It always reminds me of home...

Lust:

1. Have you ever watched porn and/or read smut?

Okay, what?

2. Are you more attracted to physical traits or personality traits?

Uh.... if this is romance then neither.

3. What are your top five favorite color combinations?

I’m very terrible at these. Uh...

4. Are you a virgin, if not then how would you like to lose your virginity and if so, do you regret the way you lost your virginity?

OKAY THIS IS GETTING OUT OF HAND I’M 20 YEARS OLD BUT COME ON THESE THINGS ARE.... AHHHH. T^T

5. How do feel about gay marriage and the LGBT community in general?

Everyone has their rights to love someone romantic or not.

6. If you were to have a family of your own in the future, what kind of family and lifestyle would you want?

Ehhh. Not getting married in the future and I’ll stay that way. :p

7. What would an ideal date be like for you?

Next please?

Greed:

1. What’s your birthstone and do you have any jewelry/objects with your birthstone on it?

Diamond. I think my necklace or earrings? My mom knows since she’s the one who makes me wear those. ^^’

2. What kinds of things do you usually put on your Christmas and birthday lists?

Money, happiness, friendship... jk. Just money to buy stuff.

3. If you were to get a tattoo, what would you want to be on your body forever?

A Poke Ball?

4. If you could be immortal or have an extremely long life span, which would you pick and why?

I’ve been suicidal lately so I don’t want any of it.

5. Have you been on all forms of transport as in horse, car, plane (big, small, helicopter), train and boat?

Not really. Just cars, motorcycle, tricycle, jeepneys, buses, vans, yacht, boats trains, bicycles, and planes.

6. What did you want to be when you were a kid and have your career ambitions changed since then?

I was a naive kid who wanted to be a doctor one day but it never came true, especially with my chosen college program which is not related to medicine.

7.Where do you get most of your clothes?

My mom buys my clothes. o///o

Pride:

1. If you wear makeup, what kinds of products do you usually wear and why do choose to wear makeup? If you don’t wear makeup, what’s your opinion on those who do choose to wear it?

I don’t wear makeup. XD

2. What’s your personal fashion sense/style?

Ehhh. I have zero fashion sense. Just a plain t-shirt and long shorts, jeans or pants.

3. Do you follow clothing trends and if so, what are a few of your favorites?

Meh. Like I said, I have zero fashion sense.

4. What’s the one thing that people always misunderstand about you?

I’m an idiot and a stupid person. I mean, they’re right. I just have a terrible self hatred so I agree.

5. What are your religious beliefs and are they the same as the rest of your family or your parents and speaking of that, what’s your opinion on organized religion in general?

I’m not really religious. I won’t go further but I am a Catholic. ^^’

6. What’s your body type/skin tone and does your body type/skin tone make finding clothes that fit difficult or does it make finding the right shades of makeup difficult?

I have zero fashion sense, mate. Uh...but I’m a Filipino...

7. What are ten of your favorite female names and ten of your favorite male names?

None, lol.

Wrath:

1. Do you have any unpopular opinions and if so, what are they?

I’d rather keep this on my own and to a small group of friends.

2. When you die, how do you want your mortal remains to be dealt with?

I wish I can die right now.

3. Do you hold grudges, why or why not?

Meh. All of them are converted into self hatred.

4. What do you want to happen to your worst enemies?

Nothing. I don’t wanna think about some bad stuff to them...if I have enemies, lol.

5. What do you think will be your cause of death and why?

Something about me starving myself to death at times. Ulcer, I guess? That or suicide.

6. If you died right now, what song(s) would you want played at your funeral?

Nothing.

7. What’s your opinion on the death penalty?

Uh....

Envy:

1. What’s the climate of your local area like and do you like it?

Tropical. It’s boring.

2. Do you get lost easily?

I’m a born loser, mate. :v

3. If you could participate in the Olympics, what sport(s) would you compete in?

Volleyball. I haven’t played for years.

4. What’s your ranking of the seasons from most favorite to least favorite?

Winter, Fall, Spring and Summer.

5. What’s your dream car?

Does an ATV counts?

6. Are you skilled with technology?

Nope.

7. What are four of your favorite patterns?

Anything that looks neat.

Sloth:

1. What are your favorite and least favorite tropes in fiction?

Uh...

2. When do you usually wake up and when do you usually go to bed?

IRecently I’ve been sleeping early. Either I wake up at 3am from a nightmare or the usual 7am or...later than that. I’ve been getting too much sleep recently...

3. What TV shows and movies did you frequently watch when you were a kid?

Disney, Carton Network, Anime and Nickelodeon.

4. What’s your favorite era of music?

Uh...

5. What do you usually watch on Youtube?

Pokemon game plays.

6. What are ten songs that are of personal significance to you and why?

Uh....

7. What’s your top three favorite video games?

Pokemon, Kingdom Hearts and Tekken (blame my brother and y cousins for dragging me there, lol).

Too lazy to tag again. I’m sorry. ;-;

#a great distraction from this pain #tag challenge #tw: suicide #trigger warning: suicide

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sunshineofthegroup · 7 years

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Diet Coke & Ray, a Raywood fic

Ryan didn’t have favorites, but he had Diet Coke, and he had Ray. (read on ao3)

Everyone seemed to realize Ryan didn’t have particularly strong pulls towards a ‘favorite’ thing separately, but they all came to the same conclusion eventually. fahc Raywood, fluff, ignore that Christmas was ages ago, based on the fact that Ryan gets annoyed if you ask him what his favorite anything is, ~6k aka much longer than I intended sorry, (also juggey because who doesn’t have those feels at this point) ((also also im not sorry for all the run on sentences and overuse of the word observant))

Michael pulled Ryan’s name for Secret Santa and threatened to rage quit Christmas immediately after seeing the name. ��Fortunately Geoff was the only person in the room at the time, because Michael had immediately begged, “Can I switch with Ray?” and Geoff had frowned at him, beginning a Dad Lecture™ about honor and responsibility. That’s when Michael knew he was screwed.

What the fuck did Ryan even like? Besides murder? Michael slowly realized he knew the least about Ryan than anyone in the crew. Ryan was out with Ray four nights a week doing jobs. The other nights, he was on the couch with Gavin, Jeremy, and Ray playing any pretty much any video game. Geoff and Jack knew everything there was to know about the crew and Los Santos. Michael didn’t know shit. Michael was fucked.

Even though Geoff had strictly forbidden Michael from seeking help from anyone else (even the B-team! What kind of bullshit rule was that??), Michael still thought maybe Ray would accidentally (or not) let something slip about what Ryan might want for Christmas. Everyone knew Ray and Ryan were the closest of anyone, and Ray and Michael were good friends, right?

“So, you know this whole ‘secret santa’ thing?” Michael asked.

“Yeah?” Ray responded, not looking up from (surprisingly) not pokemon, but cleaning his sniper rifle.

“Did you get the whole lecture about not talking to anyone about it?”

“Yeah,” Ray agreed. “Geoff gave me the whole thing after I pulled mine and started bitching about it.”

“I wish I’d gotten you instead, I know exactly what I’d get you,” Michael sighed.

“What’s that?” Ray asked, laughing a little in anticipation.

“Weed and lube, disguised in a bouquet of red roses,” Michael replied.

“Both things I could use,” Ray agreed. “I’d get you a basket of grenades with a brand new elite xbox controller in the bottom of it.”

“Dude, that’d be sweet,” Michael agreed.

“Personalized to say ‘will you marry me’,” Ray joked.

“Don’t be fucking gay,” Michael replied, but he didn’t mean it.

“The grenades, not the controller,” Ray explained. Michael laughed, hard.

“Too bad we didn’t get each other?”

“Gav would be so easy,” Ray continued. “Anything with gold paint slapped on it.”

“And for Geoff, you’d just have to get him booze,” Michael agreed. Ray hummed in agreement.

“Ryan is so sure I picked him, he’s been dropping incredibly non-subtle hints about everything he wants for two weeks,” Ray complained. “Every time we go into a store, ‘Boy, wouldn’t I be disappointed if I got this for Christmas’.”

“You’re not going to get him something anyway?” Michael asked.

“No? That’s not how secret santa works,” Ray frowned.

“Yeah, but it’s you guys,” Michael shrugged.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You know, you’re kind of a Big Deal.”

“I’m pretty sure I understand the rules of Secret Santa, dude,” Ray said. “Plus, even if I had picked him, I’d just print him out a meme and put it in a card. That’s the way it works with me and him.”

Needless to say, that conversation didn’t help Michael in the slightest. What did you get for someone who only expressed vague interests and never favorites?

Jack was taking inventory of the cupboards and refrigerator, because as the self-proclaimed resident Mom, she’d put herself in charge of trying to make the Lads eat healthier. They were going to get heart disease before they turned 30 at the rate they kept consuming fast food. One cupboard at the top left was labeled ‘Ryan’ (with a tiny ‘also Ray’ scribbled underneath it). She’d never been in that one, as it wasn’t her business what Ryan was eating, but she opened it anyway. The contents were very predictable. Half a dozen cans of diet coke, a partially eaten bag of Flipz, and a few packages of ramen that Jack were pretty sure had belonged to Ray when he’d moved in and had been there ever since. The rest of the cupboard was completely empty. It’d be a nice gesture in the spirit of Christmas and general camaraderie to fill it up for him, right? What did Ryan even like?

Jack closed the cupboard and continued inventorying the kitchen, but when she’d finished and was headed out, she still had a big question mark next to Ryan’s name on her pad of paper. She sighed, knowing the solution to the problem. Jack pulled out her phone to text Ray. She knew he was in the penthouse somewhere, but it was a big place and he knew how to hide. It took five minutes for Ray to stump into the kitchen, annoyed.

“What’s up?” he asked, wiping sleep out of his eyes. It was 1 in the afternoon.

“You’re coming grocery shopping with me,” Jack announced.

“Why? I don’t know how to cook,” Ray said.

“You don’t get out enough,” Jack told him, grabbing her wallet and stuffing it in her pocket before picking up the keys to the blue Entity XF she loved. “Come on, it’ll be fun.”

“Your definition of fun is warped,” Ray muttered, but followed her into the elevator anyway.

Jack’s suspicions that Ray would know exactly what to get for Ryan proved correct, even without prompting, as Ray kept wandering back to Jack and the cart with items from halfway across the store, saying things like “Rye loves this type of soup,” or “Can I get these chocolates? I’ll split them with Ryan”. The variety of items seemed so random that even Jack couldn’t keep track of the things Ray would bring.

Jeremy was the newest to the crew, so it didn’t surprise him how much he didn’t know about Ryan. He’d been outside of the crew for a long time, watching them pull off jobs on the TV and wishing he could be as awesome as he thought they were. Occasionally Jeremy would catch Weasel News’ live broadcasts of the police chasing them around town. The Vagabond would always charge straight into danger and emerge laughing almost satanically. Any stray officers that he hadn’t caught in his initial explosion would be sniped by BrownMan, across the street, hidden on a rooftop. What a dynamic duo.

When Jeremy actually got into the crew, through a series of happy accidents (not actually involving Bob Ross), he was over the moon, but it was about a thousand times more terrifying than he ever expected it would be. Ryan lurked with his skull mask on in dark corners of the penthouse at 4am, Michael got angry and chucked bombs off the balcony at least twice a week, and the sheer amount of inside jokes he only vaguely understood was just overwhelming.

The Lads constantly teased him that if he messed up a heist, Geoff was going to kick him out (even though Geoff assured him that wasn’t true). There was an almost constant onslaught of practical jokes, mostly from the Lads, but Ryan as well. Then finally, one night, they actually full-on pretended to kidnap him – well, actually did kidnap him – and brought him to a remote location in South Los Santos. After thoroughly scaring the shit out of him, the Lads inducted him as one of their own. He’d made it.

“Plus, we think Ray is going to leave the Lads to join the R&R Connection full time,” Michael had joked.

Still, after somehow winning the approval of the Lads, Geoff, and #1 Mom Jack Pattillo, Jeremy was still at a loss as to how to even start a conversation with Ryan. Sure, they played video games together and became battle buddies, but what kind of things did Ryan do for fun… besides murder? What movies did he like to watch? Was he secretly a giant weeb? SuperFan Jeremy Dooley really wanted to know.

“You know Ryan, right?” Jeremy asked Ray.

“I’m sensing a trend,” Ray said, side-eyeing his accomplice. They were both in an unmarked SUV that Ray was driving away from a quick burglary at a gas station Geoff had put them up to as a diversion for the real burglary at the liquor store. They were supposed to lead the cops around for a while, and car chases without grenade launchers were boring.

“What?”

“Why has everyone been asking me what I know about Ryan lately?” Ray asked. “It’s really weird. Just ask him yourself.”

“Gav said not to ask Ryan questions,” Jeremy confessed.

“Don’t ask him questions that make him want to put your head on a spike, simple,” Ray shrugged.

This information was not helpful to Jeremy.

Gavin had a habit of asking inane questions, and unfortunately Geoff had a habit of indulging him in them. Gavin always seemed to have an infinite number of questions preloaded at any given time, ready to shoot them at unsuspecting individuals.

But Gavin didn’t ask questions to Ryan. Not since The Incident™.

Ryan hadn’t been with the crew for too long at that point, maybe a few months, and he’d been politely answering Gavin’s questions up to that point, but for some reason, he snapped on this one, and he wasn’t even a part of the original question.

It was something about flipping a coin, and the original premise was that if you correctly called the coin flip, you could have sex with anyone you wanted for the rest of your life, but if you didn’t, then you had to have sex with Bam Bam Bigelow. By the way, he died in 2007, but for this hypothetical, he would be resurrected. And you get three coin flips to correctly call it. Which is pretty decent odds. Ryan got pulled in halfway through for his math skills, probably misheard or misinterpreted the question, and it turned into a debate that lasted months. Both Ryan and Gavin could easily be provoked with just the words, “but if you flip a coin three times…” and no one wanted to listen to them both insist they were right anymore.

One of the most iconic questions ever asked was that if Ryan was given some kind of astronomical amount of money, would he kill Ray every morning for the rest of their lives if there was a 100% chance that Ray would respawn good as new 20 minutes later. Ryan had responded with, “I hope you guys don’t mind waking up to gunshots,” and Ray had walked in at that point. Gavin had explained the whole premise to him, appalled for Ryan’s sanity and their relationship if Ryan would kill Ray every single day for the rest of their lives for money. Ray had snorted and replied with, “he better take that money, and he better fuckin split it with me. You gonna pay up, or?” And Gavin didn’t ask questions about the pair of them anymore.

Ray and Ryan had been a duo before they’d joined Fake AH, bringing the crew from three members up to five (then Michael had come along after). No one ever questioned their relationship or the nature of it. In fact, Gavin was the only one who had ever gotten close, and he didn’t understand these two apparent sociopaths, yet with such a deep bond between them. He accepted pretty early on that asking questions to the pair of them was only going to scare him.

(That’s not even to mention the time Gavin asked Ryan if, hypothetically, he could take all of Geoff’s money by touching Geoff’s penis with his lips, and every single person in the penthouse immediately agreed without hesitation, and Geoff started locking his bedroom door.)

Gavin would say he knew three things about Ryan, for sure, which were 1, that he would not hesitate to murder a crewmate for money, 2, he became very mingey when asked questions, and 3, he was shite at probabilities.

“Gav, c’mon, you gotta know something,” Michael whined. “What the hell do you get a guy for secret santa?”

“I dunno, boi,” Gavin said, scuffing his trainers on the pavement, or whatever dumb British words he was constantly trying to pass off as real. “I wish I got someone easy like Geoff.”

“Yeah, fucking so do I!” Michael agreed. “Who’d you get?”

“I can’t say,” Gavin said.

“Did you get the bullshit lecture too? I gave up on that. Ray wouldn’t help me out, you gotta be able to give me something,” Michael begged.

“Give him three coins,” Ray suggested through their comms, reminding the two of them that Ray and Jeremy could hear their entire conversation.

“Shut up,” Michael snapped. “Are we ready for this or what?”

“Yeah, on three,” Jeremy agreed.

“Wait, on three or after three?” Gavin asked.

“On three, Jesus, he just said,” Ray rolled his eyes.

“I’m going now,” Michael shot back, chucking a bomb at the building.

Geoff was the leader of the crew, and therefore he knew everything there was to know about his crew, or at least he liked to think. In truth, he didn’t know much more about Ryan than anyone else did. He did his research, though, before hiring the pair of them. Because BrownMan and Vagabond had always been a double act, hadn’t they?

R&R had a pretty slick gimmick running for them. A sniper and a total wild card? They could do anything together. The first time Geoff had noticed they were anything other than a pair of hooligans running around doing petty theft, he’d actually accidentally been a witness to one of their crimes.

It was genius. Ryan casually opened the door of a shop, one shot from a suppressed sniper rifle a safe distance away, and suddenly there he was in an empty store with the cops none the wiser. By the time police arrived on the scene, Ryan had cracked the registers (and sometimes the safe) for the money, and both of them were en route to their next location. There were 20 stores in LS that kept cash (most had gone to credit only because of the high crime rates), and R&R hit every single one of them.

Geoff had been casually staking a joint for a heist from a nearby roof when he’d seen them do it. Just pull of a job in one bullet. He had to have them. Who were they?

Considering the sheer amount of intel LSPD had on them, the fuzz sure did know absolutely nothing true or useful whatsoever. Every time they’d hauled R&R in for questioning, they’d never gotten an English word out of Ryan, and Ray generally spoke only in memes and refused to refer to officers by their real names, instead assigning each of them a new name that sometimes changed three times in a conversation. Not a single one of their crimes could ever have been pinned to either of them, mostly because fiery explosions tend to conceal evidence fairly well.

So when Geoff finally devised a plan to approach R&R with the intent of asking (bribing) them to join Fake AH, he wasn’t surprised to find out that they were totally different from what he’d expected. Well, Ray was almost exactly what he’d expected. Barely out of his teens, total memelord, only owns one pair of sneakers… Gavin would love him. Ryan was still a total wild card. He was charming but nerdy. His eyes seemed to say ‘you are safe here’ but crackled with murder. His body language seemed to say ‘yes you called this meeting and I am compliant’ but also ‘you are the one being interrogated here Geoffrey’. Ray did 90% of the talking in their meeting and 0% of the paying attention. Geoff and Ryan stood over the counter in the Fake’s penthouse (it took a lot of convincing – a few hundred grand worth of convincing – to get them to agree to a meeting in the penthouse) talking business while Ray sat on the couch playing on his DS seemingly not giving a fuck about the meeting at all, yet answering every question intuitively as though he was trying to ace some kind of verbal SAT test. Jack was casually in the kitchen cooking dinner as Geoff’s backup. (Geoff wanted them to feel comfortable, but not too comfortable, and Jack was an intimidating woman when she wanted to be – but only when or if she wanted to be.)

What did Geoff learn about R&R in that meeting? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. They were an amazing duo, and they were going to rise to the top with or without Fake AH. But Geoff really wanted it to be with Fake AH. So what does Geoff Ramsey do when he has a problem? He throws money at it. And they accepted.

And that’s the story of how Geoff Ramsey is the leader of his crew, but still knows next to nothing about Ryan Haywood.

“You can stop dropping hints, Rye, I didn’t get you for secret santa,” Ray finally burst out, exasperated, as his phone received yet another casual ‘Ryan wants you to see this product!’ email. “I got Jack.”

“You can’t tell who you got, that’s cheating!” Ryan exclaimed. “What about honor and responsibility?”

“Boy, Geoff really ran that one into the ground, didn’t he?” Ray rolled his eyes. “What the hell do I get for Jack?”

“Get her a gift card to Ponsonby’s or Pampered Chef or something,” Ryan suggested. “OR! You could carefully construct some kind of message spelled out on the ground such that you can only see it from a helicopter! That’s creative!”

“That’s a lot of work,” Ray whined, scrolling through all the emails Ryan had sent him to that point of things he wanted for Christmas.

“It would show you really care.”

“Do you ever think about, maybe, opening up to the rest of the crew, telling them literally any factoid about yourself?” Ray asked.

“I tell them stuff about me all the time, it’s not my fault they don’t listen,” Ryan said.

“I mean, yeah, I know,” Ray agreed. “It’s just… people have really started to notice how little they really know about you in the last few weeks. Do you think you could just walk around the living room and talk really loudly about what kinds of food you like or something? I don’t want to go grocery shopping again.”

“I guess so…” Ryan agreed.

“What’s this?” Michael frowned at the gift-wrapped box Ray had shoved into his hands. “It’s fuckin heavy.”

“That is what I got you to give to Ryan for Christmas. You’re welcome,” Ray replied, walking away before Michael could protest any further. Leaving Michael’s room for Jack’s, Ray knocked and was allowed entry.

“What’s up Ray?” Jack asked, looking up from her computer screen where she was diligently researching the available vehicle mods for the upcoming releases.

“Your real present is under the tree, but I got you something extra… from Ryan,” Ray said, holding out an envelope addressed to her. She frowned at him, taking it and opening it, unfolding the paper inside. “It’s Ryan’s grocery list. I know that’s why you asked me to go with you. No one genuinely enjoys my company enough to invite me out with them. I get it. I’m more approachable than he is. I know that.”

“Come on, Ray, that’s not true, I had a really good time when we went out,” Jack replied.

“Well… either way,” Ray shrugged. “I know it’s a long list, but he doesn’t really have favorites, so… you know.”

“Thank you,” Jack said. “I’m honestly touched that you’d think to get this for me. I wish I had something for you.”

“Again, your real present is under the tree,” Ray reaffirmed. “You just, uh, keep being the cool Crew Mom™ and I’ll see you later.” He ran from her room before he could be any more awkward. Jeremy’s room was next on his list of places to visit. Lil J was, predictably, watching YouTube when Ray walked in. Lil J didn’t get knocks. Lil J got walked in on. Lil J was not really done with being hazed yet. “Hey.”

“Hey!” Jeremy replied. “What’s up Ray? Am I late for something? Lads Heist? Shopping Montage? Are you here to kill me?”

“You know how we were on that job the other day, and you asked about Ryan?” Ray asked.

“I didn’t mean it, please don’t kill me,” Jeremy said, eyes very wide.

“You’re new, and I sorta get that, but – please, I am definitely not going to kill you,” Ray said. Jeremy visibly relaxed. “Today.” Jeremy tensed slightly again. Ray laughed. “Ryan likes talking to people. He loves to tell stories about his childhood back in Georgia. Ask him anything you want to know. Seriously. He’ll tell you. And if he doesn’t want to answer a question, he’ll tell you. He’s not going to threaten you with bodily harm or kill you over a few questions. You’re not Gavin.” Jeremy laughed nervously. “Plus, don’t tell the others, but I think you’re his favorite.”

“Ryan doesn’t have favorites,” Jeremy replied.

“Well… he has Diet Coke,” Ray said.

“And you.”

“What? No,” Ray deflected. “I mean, yeah, we’ve been together a long time, but we’re just crewmates. We look out for each other.”

“Okay, sure,” Jeremy laughed.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Ray asked, frowning.

“If that’s your story, then sure,” Jeremy continued to laugh. “Sure, there’s nothing going on with you and Ryan.”

“What do you think is going on with me and Ryan?” Ray asked, continuing his confusion.

“You’re… you know…” Jeremy said, starting to get confused. He’d thought this was another one of the Lads hazing things, but Ray really didn’t seem to know what was going on. “…a couple.”

“A couple of what?” Ray asked. Jeremy stared at him.

“No, like… a couple. Are you two not… like, half-married?”

Ray stared. Shocked. Shook. What was going on? Did everyone think he and Ryan were… dating? Fucking? In Love? Ray didn’t even reply to Jeremy, just walked out of his room and back to his and Ryan’s.

“We share a room,” Ray said to Ryan, who was sitting on the bed reading.

“Yes,” Ryan agreed, confused. “We always have. Are you okay?”

“We share a room, we go out together four times a week, we have a combined cupboard in the kitchen, we’re always paired together on heists, and above anyone else in the crew, we’d defend each other with our lives,” Ray said, still shook. He was aware of Ryan’s presence in the room, but didn’t have the mental capacity to focus his eyes so everything in the room was sort of blurry.

“Are you okay?” Ryan repeated.

“I… I don’t know? My life is crashing down. I think I need help,” Ray said, walking forward to the bed and crawling next to Ryan. Ryan put an arm around him, pulling him to his chest, and continued reading his book, knowing Ray needed to just breathe and calm down for a bit. Ray actually ended up falling asleep with his head on Ryan’s chest, as he so often did. When he woke up, he blinked, confused, cracked his neck, and started looking around.

“Feeling better?” Ryan asked.

“Yeah… I just… It was weird,” Ray said. “It’s like… I guess I should have known the rest of the crew thinks we’re, like, in super gay love or whatever.”

“Oh, yeah, they do think that,” Ryan agreed. “After two years, I don’t know what it says about us or them that they still think that.”

“To be fair, we share a room, go out together four nights a week, and defend each other with our lives,” Ray commented.

“Yeah, but… I don’t know,” Ryan shrugged.

“That must be why everyone thinks the joke about me saving my virginity for the day you can actually fuck an xbox is so funny,” Ray finally put together.

“Yeah,” Ryan agreed.

“Are you in super gay love with me?” Ray asked. Ryan shrugged.

“I wouldn’t want to screw up what we have,” he replied.

“What if I did? Want to,” Ray almost tripped over his sentence.

Ryan kissed him in response, ducking his head to meet Ray’s, as Ray was still leaning on him.

“Oh, it’s ruined now,” Ray said sarcastically when Ryan pulled away, even going so far as to dramatically start leaving the bed. “I’m moving in with Michael.” Ryan laughed and pulled him tighter to him. Ray put his head back on Ryan’s chest and smiled.

“Merry Christmas,” Ryan said quietly.

“Christmas isn’t for like four days,” Ray replied.

“Yeah, but I have your present right here,” Ryan said, pulling a small red box with a bow on it from the nightstand.

“Oh? You got me for secret santa? And you didn’t even have to ask anyone what to get me, I bet. Lucky,” Ray said, taking the box from Ryan and popping it open. Immediately, Ray stopped talking. It was a necklace with two charms, a red rose and a black skull. Objectively, it was pretty badass, and Ray totally would have accepted it any day, said ‘sweet necklace, bro’ and worn it every day for the rest of his life. But since the whole Ordeal Of Thirty Seconds Ago™, he wasn’t even sure what to say.

BrownMan and Vagabond had been partners in crime for six years. Four before Fake AH, and two with Fake AH. The red rose and the black skull had been graffitied on the walls of Los Santos together for six years. It was something they sometimes joked about, like getting friendship bracelets or matching tattoos or something. They’d considered starting a crew for a couple weeks once, and Ryan had created them a crew logo with the images easily.

Ray and Ryan, though? It should have been weird, shouldn’t it? To take their relationship from basically platonic to romantic? But it really wasn’t. It felt like… why haven’t we been doing this for six years? It felt like… maybe we have been in super gay love for six years and we’re both idiots?

“I do love you,” Ray told Ryan as Ryan put Ray’s necklace on for him. “Maybe I always have.”

“Isn’t that kind of cliché?” Ryan asked.

“Yeah, you know that clichéd story of two fucking murderers being partners for six years and finally realizing they were in Super Gay Love™ the whole time,” Ray said sarcastically. “Yeah, a total cliché. Every single Lifetime movie. People are bored of hearing about it.”

“You don’t always have to point out how wrong I am,” Ryan told him. “You can let some of them go.”

“Never have, never will,” Ray said stubbornly.

Geoff liked to think he was fairly observant. No one else would ever tell him any differently. (They wouldn’t dare.)

When Ray and Ryan sprinted into the kitchen on Christmas morning to get some of the enormous breakfast Jack had cooked, Geoff couldn’t say there was anything different about them. Ray had showed his necklace off a few days before, saying Ryan just couldn’t wait for Christmas day to give it to him, and blushing.

Ryan bumped Ray purposefully out of the way of the fridge with his hip, grinning. Ray blushed. Ray blushed? Did Ray blush? Was that a thing Ray did? Then he pouted. Ray pouted? Did Ray pout? Was that a thing that Ray did? Ryan laughed and pressed a kiss into Ray’s hair. Ray blushed again. Maybe blushing was something Ray did do?

Wait, did Ryan always kiss Ray’s hair? Everyone knew they were a couple, but there was little to no actual evidence of them putting on public displays of affection.

Geoff Ramsey was very observant. He observed this. And he came to this conclusion: Ray Narvaez Jr, like many other humans, blushes, pouts, and gets hair kisses.

After breakfast, the crew each opened their gifts, with the exception of Ray, who sat in Ryan’s lap, as usual, and played with his necklace with a dumb grin on his face.

Jack opened her gift from Ray, it was a sweet vintage record player she’d pointed out in the window of an antique shop once while they were on a heist. Ray and Ryan had been out enjoying the Christmas lights and fake snow, when they walked past the store and Ray remembered she’d said she wished she had one. So he and Ryan had immediately held up the shop and taken it. Who the fuck paid for stuff if they didn’t have to?

Jack’s gift was for Geoff. She’d gotten him three bottles of very expensive whiskey and a set of glasses with his initials engraved on them. “If any of you motherfuckers breaks one of these glasses, I’ll punch you in the dick,” Geoff warned the rest of the crew. Michael made a joke about how Geoff should really keep the pleasure of breaking the glasses for himself. Geoff threw a punch at him and Michael ducked. The punch hit Gavin, and everyone laughed.

Geoff had drawn Jeremy, and known exactly what to get him. (Because Geoff is very observant. Obviously.) Jeremy was very pleased with his gift, four colors of neon hair dye, a package of gold star stickers, a bright green remote control toy monster truck, and a keychain with two things on it: a pewter cutout of the state of Massachusetts and a key to a Grotti X80 Proto, painted in Jeremy’s favorite ‘Rimmy Tim’ colors. Michael screamed in protest. “Welcome to the big leagues, Lil J,” Geoff said.

Even though that was clearly the big winner at the gathering, Jeremy presented his gift to Gavin hastily before excusing himself from the action around the coffee table to play with his remote control monster truck. He’d gotten him a few different gold tone makeup things that Gavin had seen various advertisements for and whined about wanting for two straight weeks. Gavin gushed in all of his non-real British words about how great Jeremy was for ten straight minutes before Jack cut him off and made him present his gift.

Gavin had gotten Michael. They’d been best friends for so long, anyone would think Gavin would know exactly what Michael would want, but he hadn’t had a clue. Weapons and bombs were too simple. He didn’t need a new car, not since Geoff had bought him the chrome Adder (and therefore really had no room to complain about Jeremy’s new car, besides the fact that X80s were twice as expensive as Adders). What did you get your best friend for Christmas?

“Gav, this box is empty,” Michael told him.

“Yeah, I couldn’t fit it,” Gavin said. Michael frowned at him.

“Okay…” Michael said with a shrug. “Where is it?”

“Oh, um… Dammit, hang on,” Gavin pulled his phone out of his pocket and started tapping away. Everyone was perplexed. There was a knock on the penthouse door. Everyone but Gavin could be seen trying to subtly count how many of them were already there, thus trying to figure out who was at the door. “You may want to get that, boi,” Gavin threw out, still texting.

Michael, perplexed, put his empty box down on the coffeetable, got up from the couch and jogged up the few stairs to the penthouse door. Throwing open the door, he saw –

“Lindsay.”

“Ayo,” Lindsay and Gavin said almost at the same time.

“You’re here,” Michael said, shocked. “Oh my God, I can’t believe it.” He hugged her tightly, still standing in the doorway.

“As it turns out, breaking someone out of prison is harder than it looks on paper,” Gavin told the rest of the crew. Lindsay had been in federal lockup for months on a (mostly factual) counterfeiting charge. Of all the things the feds were going to get on the Fakes, of course it was a fucking counterfeiting charge. Instead of keeping her in Los Santos where the crew could easily have broken her out, they’d taken her to Washington, and every attempt at hacking even the security system at the place they were holding her had resulted in a completely fried computer on the Fakes’ end. Michael had pretty much given up all hope of ever seeing her again, and that wasn’t something you lost easily.

“How the fuck did you do that?!” Geoff asked Gavin, voice cracking in his shock. Gavin just gave Geoff a smug look of ‘do not try to one-up me for the best present of the year, Geoffrey’. Michael and Lindsay were still hugging in the doorway, having a whispered conversation no one else could hear but everyone assumed it was something like ‘I love you so much don’t you fucking dare ever get arrested again I’m so sorry I couldn’t get you out we tried so hard linds I love you never leave me again’.

“Only one gift left, lads, who’s it for?” Gavin changed the subject.

“It’s from Michael to Ryan,” Ray said, sliding onto the couch from Ryan’s lap so he could retrieve his present. “I’m guessing he won’t care if he’s not here to see you open it.” Ryan picked up the box to put it on his lap.

“It’s heavy,” he commented. Ray nodded, rolling his eyes. Ryan pulled the paper off and started laughing. The box was a 24 pack of Diet Coke. Nothing else, just that. “Wow, this is the best present anyone could get me. Seriously. It’s perfect.”

“No one knows what to get you! You don’t have favorites!” Ray exclaimed.

“Diet Coke!” Ryan protested.

“Yeah, Diet Coke and Ray, that’s all anyone knows about you,” Geoff said. “I’m fine with it. The longer I don’t know what’s going on in your head, the longer I can continue sleeping at night.”

Michael and Lindsay finally joined the rest of them in the living room, but not willing to separate themselves, as they sat down on either side of Gavin still holding hands.

“Thanks boi,” Michael said to Gavin. Gavin just nodded. He already knew Michael was grateful. No thanks required. It’s not like he’d worked on it double triple extra overtime for a month. Michael spotted the case of Diet Coke still in Ryan’s lap. “Really, Ray, Ryan’s entire life story at your disposal and Diet Coke was in that box? I could have fucking come up with that. Last time I trust you to do anything.”

Everyone started sending accusatory looks and phrases at Ray for helping Michael cheat at secret santa.

“Really? I’m the one who gets yelled at for cheating at secret santa?” Ray asked. “Geoff had to call Gavin and ask him about, and I quote, ‘Rimothy Timothy’ colors. Jack had Jeremy help her steal that whiskey. I’m willing to bet Gavin didn’t fucking break Lindsay out of prison without a substantial amount of help. Ryan gave me this necklace four fucking days ago. Michael was the one who begged me to help him, but no, I’m the one getting the blame. Sure, fine.”

“It’s a great present and it doesn’t matter if it came from you or Michael,” Ryan told him. “And you keep me out of this. I 3D printed that necklace myself.”

“When are you guys gonna get married already?” Gavin asked them with a frown.

“Yeah, Matt and Trevor started a bet about Ryan proposing for Christmas,” Jeremy said.

“Shh, that’s New Year’s,” Ryan joked.

“Christ,” Ray declared. “At least take me to dinner first.” The joke confused everyone else in the room, but Ryan laughed, pulling Ray back into his lap, the Diet Coke banished to the floor. “Okay, maybe I’ll settle for delivery.”

Geoff Ramsey prided himself in being a very observant man. When Geoff Ramsey observed something, it was observed. Boom. Immediately. Nothing gets by Geoff. Except, apparently, Gavin breaking Lindsay out of prison, and the fact that Geoff couldn’t for the life of him name one other time he’d ever seen Ray and Ryan actually kiss. He knew they must have, he had memories of it, but they were probably clouded over with alcohol or something that was preventing him from accessing them.

Geoff knew. He’d observed it. It had been observed. Maybe he sometimes forgot stupid shit like who the fuck Rimmy Tim was, or where he left his car keys, but he knew exactly three things about Ryan Haywood: 1, Gavin was absolutely not allowed to ask him questions anymore, 2, Ryan was on this earth to drink diet coke and kick ass (watch out when he runs out of diet coke), and 3, Ryan Haywood, the Mad King, would ride or die for that punkass sniper with the pink guns and checkerboard vans.

#raywood #raywood fic #fahc #fake ah crew #raywood fluff #this took a solid way too long to write #and it's about 4 times longer than i intended #but i'm really happy with it

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